I must apologise for the very long delay in continuing this story but unfortunately my muse deserted me for about 2 years and I simply couldn’t commit anything to paper. I feel that now I can continue - please be gentle with me.
Before continuing with the next part I asked the readers on FM what I should do re-post everything again or carry on from where I left off.
The responses were split between the two options so I was still in a quandary. After a lot of thought I have decided to write a chapter that précis the previous 11 episodes. As this is a précis a lot things will be omitted through necessity. To read the story in full with the historical notes please use the link below and I think you will gain a greater understanding. But I also think that if you are new to the story you will be able to follow.

Full Story

Set in 1801 when our protagonist was 10 years old and a male child called Charles they were part of the landed gentry and as such the men of the family were expected to do their duty and serve King and country.
It was a time for the family as the head of the family Sir Edmund Grenford was killed at the battle of Copenhagen. The heir to the family estate Charles eldest brother was killed at the Battle of the Nile in 1798 aged 17. The second brother Edward was severely wounded when his ship ran aground during the First Battle of Algeciras in 1801 he was reported to have been suffering mental problems due to his injuries (these days this is known as PTSD and is now better understood) And finally Charlotte; Charles twin sister died of smallpox.
Charles mother at this time was 45 years old and bereft while her son a sickly child is becoming increasingly paranoid about following the rest of his family to the grave at the same time berating himself for being a coward these feelings are tearing him apart.
While alone with his mother he remarks that he wished he could change places with Charlotte. What he meant was he wished he were dead in her place but what his mother understands is different.
After speaking with her friend and the children’s governess they with the help of Charles who is supposed to be sleeping (but who is more than happy with their idea) proceed with the switch and prepare Charlotte’s body to appear to be Charles while they were doing the both women swear that the body of Charlotte smiled as a sign of approval.
In the meanwhile Charles has to start becoming Charlotte – and now I will pick up the story.

I followed my mother into my new bedroom that was very femininely decorated in the lightest of furniture Mama made me take off my male clothes and I put on a long pink nightdress then she too my hair out of the male style and washed in flower scented soap after drying it she tied my hair in rags to give me ringlets.

The next day Miss Martha woke me and my new life really began. As we were in mourning I was dressed in a black crape dress underneath I had black knitted stockings and white cotton drawers that were split at the crotch. My chemise was delicately frilled around the bodice. When my dress was laced tightly it fit my slender body like a second skin.
The rags were taken from my hair leaving ringlets and I was shown how to style my hair in a simple manner when I looked at the mirror I saw a young girl dressed in mourning clothes. Miss Martha was also similarly shocked at my appearance.

My education had changed as now I was a young girl everything was focussed on running a household how to look after my skin and become ready for the Debutant Ball when I would be presented to the King and society.

Mother Boville was the estates medicine woman she was of great age and Mama had known her since she was born and made sure she was well looked after in a nice cottage with an ample supply of fuel and food.
We visited Mother Boville and mama told the story to her after questioning myself and Mama she told us that there is such a potion made of herbs spices and other plants which will give me womanly shape she also suggests to Mama that the I be doctored (term for castrated) before puberty.

Back at the Hall I was introduced to the pleasure of a training corset – and I use the word pleasures loosely.
My education expanded I started to learn the piano also a singing coach was employed. Every day I practiced sewing, embroidery, how to prepare cold cream and simple cosmetics, feminine deportment, household management and of course everyday there was the wearing of a corset. There was so much to learn and the period of mourning would allow me to practice my newly needed skills before we once again entered society.

Then it was time for the funeral, this was the point that there was no going back and in truth even after this short space of time I was enjoying being a girl. I had always loved Mama but as a daughter I would became a lot closer to her.

During the funeral I prayed for Charlotte’s forgiveness and after I had offered my plea to her a Chiff Chaff flew into the church and trilled it’s simple song which to my tormented mind sounded like “Yes, yes” and a sign from Charlotte that she understood and approved.
That night I had a dream where my dear sister appeared and I spoke to her and told her that deep inside I felt I was a coward and letting my family down.
Her apparition hugged me and told me that the path I had freely chosen was not easy but I was right mama did need me she told me to be strong loving and honourable and that she would watch over me from heaven.

I met with Mother Boville later that month and she showed Mama, Miss Martha and myself how to make the potion, I had my first glass full and slowly started on the road to woman hood. As Mother Boville left she took my hand looking me in the eyes said “You have chosen a hard path being a maid t’aint easy but you’ll succeed. You’ll marry and serve at the highest table in’t land.”
My mother gasped saying, “Surely you are wrong - she can never marry!” Mama was fixed with a steely gaze like a hawk locking onto its prey.
“M’lady this is what I see for the future of the maid - it is written.” Mother Boville rasped. I have never seen my mama look intimidated like she did when fixed by the stare of this old woman.

Later that month we went to London for the season. Usually in London Mama visits all the attractions, theatre and attends several functions.
As we were in mourning we would be restricted very much in our social functions. However the main reason we were in London was to visit a surgeon that operated on the castrati singers.
The very next day I dressed myself in a black crape empire style dress material had contrasting vertical bands of matt black crape and shiny black crepe and ended in a frill at my hemline my frilled drawers peeped out from under my skirt my shoes were soft leather with a small 1” heel.
We arrived at the surgeons and ushered into his presence. Mama explained what she wanted.
I was examined by the surgeon who was a very slender very elderly Italian his manner was friendly and professional.
Mama asked about my male appendage and she was assured that once the operation was carried out it would remain the size it currently was.
He suggested that instead of the open drawers I currently used which had an open crotch I now should use drawers that were closed so my secret would be safe.

Mama then told him that she didn’t want me to suffer too much pain so to that effect it was arranged that I would be given Laudanum to drink, which would numb the pain.
After a disturbed night’s sleep the next morning instead of getting dressed I was told to stay in bed and a large tub was brought into my room, which left me wondering what this was for.

The surgeon arrived and watched the filling of the tub with hot water. Then mama arrived and told me to undress and enter the tub. The surgeon then laid out his instruments and produced a dark green bottle, which contained the laudanum.
As I rested in the hot bath mama gave me a draught of laudanum and things became fuzzy.
The surgeon was kneading between my legs encouraging my still undeveloped testicles to present themselves. Miss Martha entered the room carrying a bowl of ice which mama had purchased from the ice merchants this was for packing the wound after my operation.

Through my opium assisted haze I heard the surgeon tell mama to make sure that the dressing are changed daily use vinegar to keep infection at bay and look out for swelling and pus he also said that he would return in a week.
He also told mama to gradually reduce my dose of laudanum so I wouldn’t become dependant on it then he departed.
Mama sat by the bed quietly weeping stroking my brow I reached up and took her hand holding it to my cheek, “Oh my poor child.” She wept, “What have I done to you?”
Through the fug of the laudanum I answered, “You have made me into Charlotte and for that I thank you as I can now remain with you.”
Why I said those words I simply don’t know - but I did know that I really meant what I had just said.

My recovery went well and soon I could move about pain free and I was ready to socialise as a young lady
I was so thrilled to be able to go out I simply couldn’t wait – of course we were still in mourning but as a young girl I could now wear colours other than black but these had to be dark so no pastel shades for me just yet.
The dress that was selected for me was to my eyes beautiful it was a dark lilac empire line silk dress which came to mid calf it had a high neckline the bodice gathered under my non existent breasts but the sash just below my chest gave the illusion of breasts.
As it was now late November I had a brown velvet and fur cloak with a matching muff to keep my fingers warm. I absolutely adored the finished look these clothes gave me.
When I went downstairs mama looked critically at me commenting, “Charlotte dear that dress really suits you – now remember your etiquette lessons and remember that a young lady should be seen and not heard.
We arrived at the imposing house and were speedily ushered into the drawing room In the room were half a dozen women of a similar age to mama there were two other girls who I judged to be slightly older than myself. Mama introduced me to the ladies.
The girls mother’s Lady Ffinch and Lady Beaufort then introduced their daughters to mama and I (Annabelle and Clarissa) it was indicated that I was to sit with the girls slightly to one side of the adults but not so far away so the ladies could ask us questions.
Thus I became acquainted with what were to become my two best friends Annabelle and Clarissa.

Arriving home we found that my ladies maid had arrived she was called Anna and came from near a village where Grenford Hall was.
She was a bubbly friendly girl open and honest and this was her first job as a ladies maid and I could tell she was so happy.
In reality this was my first ladies maid so we were both learning together which I believe cemented our closeness.
It was not the done thing for a girl of my breeding to be friends with someone of lower class but a close working friendship was allowed – just don’t ask me what the difference was.

So my life progressed I was taught fashion, the piano and harp; feminine wiles to help me when I entered society this intrigued me especially the ‘Language of the Fan’ also interesting was the meanings behind different jewels.
The things I had to learn as a woman were exceeding strange and varied but I absorbed everything as a good daughter should.
It was now the summer of 1802 and the Treaty of Amiens had been signed and my second brother Edward was coming home as part of this treaty.
When he arrived we were all shocked at his appearance he had changed so very much.
Originally we had been told that he had lost a leg and was an imbecile. However when he got out of the carriage he had both his legs but was missing his right arm below the elbow and the right side of his face was horribly scared and he was blind in his right eye.
Apart from these monumental changes he was gaunt and grey looking apparently having suffered from prison fever. And very much to our relief he most certainly not an imbecile.
The last time I has set eyes on Edward was just over three years ago even at 14 he was a bluff stocky lad with a devil may care attitude. He had always been a sensitive boy with a love of music and an accomplished artist.
When he descended from the carriage mama and I were stood waiting for him I was dresses in a pale lilac lawn Empire style dress with a round collar and loose sleeved that fell in delicate pleats around my wrists. I had silver silk stockings and my white pantaloons peeped out from beneath my dress.

As he stood there mama walked and hugged him close tears leaking from her eyes she managed to stammer, “My dearest son, welcome home thank god you are home and safe.”
As they hugged Edward tried to stop mama from kissing his ravaged face but mama was having none of it and gently kissed the scared and ruined face then she gently stroked the scars saying, “Edward do not be ashamed of your scars be proud of them you did your duty for your country.”
She stepped back addressed me saying, “Charlotte come and welcome your brother.” I was not as restrained as mama I rushed forward and flung myself on my brother taking lead from mama I kissed all his face.
He managed to withstand my assault and stood back remarking, “Dear Charlotte as impetuous as ever – and even more pretty than I remember.”
I blushed at this remark and stood slightly back from him I was once again the picture of a demure young lady.
Edward looked at mama tenderly saying, “Thank you mama for not hating me for what I have become. Now where is Charles?”
Mama gasped and glanced at me to my mind the warm summer day had just turned colder. “You did not receive my letter Edward?”
My brother shook his head so mama recounted how Charles had died from the fever.
I felt wretched at this lie but it must be so at least my brother was back with us.

In 1803 the treaty broke and England was once again at war and another momentous milestone happened in my life.
I was doing my lessons with Miss M glancing in her direction I surreptitiously rubbed at my chest, which had been itching for a few weeks and now was driving me to distraction.
“Charlotte stop fidgeting a lady does not fidget.” Miss M snapped at me. “But Miss Martha my chest is itching it is driving me to distraction” I whined.
She looked sharply at me and putting down her embroidery said, “Come Charlotte to your room let me look at your chest.”
I stood and followed Miss M upstairs to my room. Once these she unfastened me from my dress then corset and told me to remove my chemise.
As I stood there dressed only in pantaloons stockings and shoes she gently felt my chest. As she touched my nipple it hardened and a gasp escaped my lips.
She looked sharply at me saying, “Tender Charlotte?” I nodded afraid of what she had found.
Miss M then rang for Anna and when she arrived told her to fetch mama.
Now I was anxious and pleaded, “Miss Martha please tell me what is the matter – am I ill?”
“No Child but I need your mama to check what I think is happening.”
I was so very worried that something horrible was happening I fidgeted from one foot to the other until Miss M chastised me again for fidgeting.
Finally mama arrived and looking at the tableau before her asked, “Whatever is the matter Martha?”
“Miss Charlotte’s chest is itching and she thinks she has a terrible ailment.” Miss M replied with a slight smile.
Mama came over to me and inspected my chest again it was gently massaged and again my nipple hardened and once again a gasp escaped my lips.
Mama stood back with a smile telling me, “You are not dying dear child; all that is happening is that your breasts are starting to grow it would appear that Mother Boville’s potion is indeed working.”
I was absolutely thrilled Mama and Miss M inspected my body and pronounced that my hips waist and derriere were definitely becoming more feminine they also inspected my male bit and decided that it was the same size as it was before my operation.
Then mama noticed that I was wearing split leg pantaloons and commented, “I thought you were told to wear joined up pantaloons Charlotte?”
I blushed at being caught out and feebly protested, “But mama they are more comfortable in summer.”
Mama nodded her agreement then cautioned me, “Be very careful Charlotte that no ones ever sees what you have ‘down there’ it would be our undoing especially should you wear a crinoline as the wind does catch them very easily.” This warning was to prove very important to me.

My education progressed and at Christmas 1804/05 I met young men for the first time. We were at Lord and Lady Beaufort’s stately home along with my best friends Annabelle and Clarissa five boys with us three were Lady Beaufort’s sons while the remaining were the sons of Lady Ffinch
So Clarissa’s brothers were Benjamin (18) Philip (17) and Henry (15) while Annabelle’s brothers were Reginald (19) and William (17)
All of them were in the army Benjamin and Philip were in their fathers old Regiment the Household Cavalry Dragoon Guards. Henry however was in the Light Dragoon Guards that had recently been renamed the Hussars.
Annabelle’s brother Reggie however was in the First Regiment of Foot Guards while William as in the 95th Regiment of Foot Guards. To my young eyes they were all very dashing and very handsome. Throughout the festive period we rode out when the weather allowed, us girls entertained the party with singing and our music and in the evenings we played parlour games – it was then I discovered I had my first admirer it was Annabelle’s brother William!

He was an Second Lieutenant in the 95th Rifles, which were nicknamed ‘The Grasshoppers’ due to their green uniform and the fact that they always ranged ahead of the advancing battalion’s of red coats acting at the army’s eyes and ears. William also told me that they used the Baker Rifle which he assured me was far superior to the Brown Bess.
I was worried what Mama would say but as it turned out she was content as long as we kept rigidly to the conventions of the day.

New Year and I attended my first official Ball people of quality came from near and far. Mama had bought me a gown for this very evening and to my mind it was exceedingly grown up.
The inner gown was made of the softest gold satin light and fluid this was covered by an outer floating shift of the finest gossamer chiffon which had pretty sprays of flowers embroidered all over it.
It had a scooped neckline that displayed my budding breasts the short puff ball sleeves ending in a delicious frill. The waistline was high about 2” below my breasts and the dress was fitted to my corseted body.
The hem of the gown was so very beautiful Gold leaves had been embroidered all around the hem this band was about 8” wide then above this there was another band of leaves again in gold silk thread.

I was so thrilled as Miss M fastened my into my gown I was dancing from one foot to the other (a habit I have never gotten out of) through excitement.
Of course I got a reprimand for this from Miss M.
When I was fastened into my gown I rushed to the mirror exclaiming, “Oh Miss Martha is it not the most beautiful dress.” As I said these words I was swishing from one side to the other to see the fluid motion of the gown.
To my shame I sat in front of the mirror so I could see my reflection – this was the most adult gown I had ever been allowed to wear and I think was another test for me.

After three years my hair was very long down to the hollow of my back and a deep copper in colour tonight for the ball Anna and Miss M were going to style it in a Grecian based style where my hair would be piled on my head in a series of soft curls then pinned in place using silver hair combs and clips this was again a really adult style and showed how slender and graceful my neck was.
The finished effect was to my eyes very sophisticated and adult I was totally enchanted.
So how did I look three years after becoming Charlotte?
I was now 13 years old and I stood about 5’ 7” tall this was taller than Annabelle and Clarissa.
When I asked mama she told me that this was due to my operation as with the bits removed it was known for Castrati to grow very tall but the herb infusion I took daily stopped this to a degree.

My body was slender and my smooth creamy legs long and shapely. My hips were comely and my derriere held the promise of becoming firm and feminine.
Without a corset my waist was slender but with a corset I could get down to a 20” waist I was looking for 18” for my ‘coming out’ but there was still time for that.
Now my breasts had started to grow they were about the size of a small orange firm and creamy with a distinct cleavage especially is a gown such as I was wearing.
My shoulders were slender and my arms very feminine.
My neck was quite long and slender this was especially noticeable when my hair was piled upon my head.
I had a delicate jawline and full lips my teeth were white and even. The colour of my teeth was due to mama insisting that I rub my teeth daily with salt on my finger.
I had high cheekbones and my cheeks were the classic apple shaped with a slight blush to them.
My hazel eyes were large and doe shaped with a quizzical, open and friendly look to them eyebrows were thin and shaped (again at the insistence of mama)
It has been said that I was a comely girl with a nice disposition and friendly demeanour.

Once I was deemed ready I was taken to mama’s room, as I would be under her wing for this ball. This was quite normal and Charlotte and Annabelle would likewise be under the control of their mothers.
I think mama felt my discomfort because at the head of the grand staircase she stopped looked at me and with a mischievous smile said, “And do you think your young man will like your dress?” “Mama!” I gasped then I gathered myself and answered with a similar grin, “I hope so mama.”

Mama teased William unmercifully as when he approached Annabelle nudged him - none too gently saying, “Well brother are you not going to compliment Charlotte for looking so enchanting.”
While she said this she grinned at me with undisguised glee - enjoying both her brothers and my embarrassment.
Staggering from the nudge, which he was not prepared for poor William managed to stammer, “Charlotte you look enchanting.”
I smiled and blushed prettily. However mama added to poor Williams discomfort saying, “So you are the young man who has been monopolising my daughter I hope your intentions are honourable!”
Poor William was squirming in total embarrassment as he earnestly told my mama that his intentions were truly honourable the poor boy was digging him self into a deep hole!
Mama took pity on him saying, “That is good William I only tease you but I must say you look dashing in your uniform.”
What a wonderful night that was I danced a lot mainly with William but also with other young men of a similar age. Again I felt the power a woman has which is so very different to the power of a man.

The remainder of the festive season was wonderful William and I spent as much time together as was seemly unfortunately all too soon it was time for us to leave.
All our trunks were packed and as I dressed for the carriage ride home I realised that Anna had packed all my pantaloons that were one piece leaving me with some split leg pantaloons.
Anna laced me into my corset next my soft crinoline then Anna dropped my dress over my head.
My dress was made of the lightest lilac muslin and had a high neck with long sleeves the hem was scalloped and it was a sensible dress for travelling in.
My Cloak was a satin lined with the outside being wool it had a fur collar I had a matching muff to keep my hands warm.
Thick black Lisle stockings and cute little ankle boots I was ready to travel.

Edward, Mama and I said out fond goodbyes to our hosts promising to see them this coming season.
Us three girls said a quite emotional goodbye then it was William. Protocol demanded that apart from helping me into my carriage, while we were dancing or helping should I stumble he simply could not touch me.
So our good bye was somewhat stilted though he asked if he could write to me a request that I eagerly agreed to.
He then handed me into the carriage this is when fate in the disguise of a strong gust of wind intervened it got under my skirt and crinoline and blew them up and over poor William!
I was mortified and more than this when I felt the cool air between my legs I knew that William must have seen my little secret unless he was totally blind which he most certainly was not – I was ruined!

When my dress ballooned I was half way into the carriage so had only one hand free to try and tame my dress.
Luckily Annabelle was close by and soon my modesty was returned but the damage had been done!
With a flaming red face I composed myself and thanked William for his assistance.
I did notice that his demeanour had not changed he still looked at me with adoration (I think that is what I saw).
His last words to me were, “I’ll miss your company dear Charlotte but I will write soon.”
Then the carriage clattered away back home. I sat there in absolute terror not only would my reputation be ruined but mamas and Edwards.
William simply must have seen as these pantaloons parted near the top of the thigh leaving the groin area open.

My life carried on and sadly I was resolved to the fact that William having seen my ‘secret’ would never write to me however my first letter from William arrived by messenger some 2 weeks later. With a lot of trepidation I opened it to find a very loving letter. William told me how much he missed my company, how much he thought about me and that he simply could not wait to see me again.
He had re-joined his Regiment and was busy training the raw recruits. He also asked if I could have a likeness painted as he then could treasure my image.
I resolved to keep his letters safe so I purchased a jewellery casket. Asking mama about Williams request she smiled indulgently saying, “My darling I think we can do this for the young man – after all he has seen your legs.” The reference to the wind lifting my skirts caused me to blush but at least mama had consented to having a miniature portrait painted.

I wrote back to his telling him that mama had agree for me to have my portrait painted my letter was full of gossip and the everyday thing I was doing and also that I missed seeing him.
And so our relationship continued through with regular loving letters.

The rest of the year passed in a whirl of theatre, balls, visits to the pleasure gardens and one to the coast we went to Brighton. This was the first time I had seen the sea and I was truly amazed actually seeing the expanse of water. William was abroad so I didn’t see him.

In October 1805 the Battle of Trafalgar took place and England lost her greatest son Admiral Lord Nelson. Edward was quite upset by this as he admired Lord Nelson greatly.
Lord Nelson’s body was returned to England preserved in a barrel of Brandy it was rumoured. He had a full state funeral In January 1806 which Edward and Mama went to at St Pauls while I watched from a vantage point. The funeral parade was spectacular as befitted the saviour of our nation. There was in total 5 days of national mourning.

William’s regiment returned home in February 1806 for that period I had been so afraid for him and said so in my letters.
His letters were part passionate calling me his beloved and the rest a military report telling me how they were the vanguard on the advance and rear guard on the withdrawal as always he told me how much he missed me and how much he wanted to see me again. (Another of the many letters mama must not find)

In 1807 William took part in the second battle of Copenhagen under Arthur Wellesley where they captured the Danish Fleet then the army withdrew back to England.
Again I was with William at Christmas, which was held at Grenford Hall Annabelle, Clarissa and I were really firm friends and to have them with me for a whole month was excellent.
As their regiments were in England all of Annabelle and Clarissa’s brothers were present and this naturally included my William. (Which is how I thought of him)

He had changed quite a lot since I first met him. Now he was broad and very muscular and I noticed very self-assured though to ladies he was always the epitome of a gentleman.
He had (to my eyes) always been handsome but now he was ruggedly handsome as I say this I mean that to some extent he was no longer a ‘soft’ son of privilege.
When I mentioned it he laughed it off explaining that as an independent scouting company he is in very close contact with his men, which had caused him to harden a touch. He fleetingly touched my hand (A social taboo) saying, “But to you my dearest Charlotte I would never harm you’.

We three girls were told that 1808 was the year we would be ‘coming out’ the season of 1808 would be for us a while of coming out balls and of course being introduced to the king.

This was an essential process for a young lady of society and proclaimed that they were eligible for marriage. When William was told he said to me when we were out of earshot of others, “Next Year dear Charlotte I will speak to your brother as you must know I have feelings for you!”
These words caused my heart to flutter I exclaimed, “But William we cannot be one until I am 21.” He smiled that wonderful warm smile of his answering, “Sweetest Charlotte I don’t want to loose you we can become betrothed.”

We left things at that and after Christmas made ready to move early to London and Lord Beaufort was sitting in Parliament as was Lord Ffinch and my brother Edward was to be introduced to people who would help him in public life.
Another reason is that for the coming out season a girl must have clothes and lots of them as there are lot’s of balls to attend and it would be a social faux pas to be seen in the same gown.

Also there was the special ‘court gown’.

I will have to explain this. In 1808 the fashion was for Empire Style dresses, which were loose and soft flowing unfortunately the Court of St. James’s had not caught up with this so the ‘Court Gown’ was totally different.

Hoops and wide skirts had gone out of fashion decades earlier. For my dress the hoops were worn under a petticoat, which made the gown exceedingly wide and exceedingly difficult to walk in. Over these hoops my skirt of rich white satin that was covered in fine white and gold lace.
My tight fitting bodice was also white satin but had handmade silk roses in white and softest pinks as decoration.

Etiquette demanded a debutante wear from three to eight ostrich feathers in her headdress depending upon her families social standing So collectively our mothers decided that seeing as Clarissa’s social standing was slightly higher than Annabelle or myself she would wear six feathers while Annabelle and I would wear four a small thing but essential in our society.

The first time we were all together and the plumes had been affixed to our tiara I really felt sorry for Clarissa as these plumes seemed to have a mind of their own controlling four was difficult but for poor Clarissa six must have been awful.
After we had practiced walking in these special gowns and had changed into far more comfortable walking dresses Clarissa complained to us about her plume’s Annabelle teased her about her social standing and we all ended laughing and giggling in a very unladylike manner.

Then came the day we were introduced to the King and Queen three landau’s had been hired. As with the court dresses we needed larger coaches than we had.
Also our mothers were also in court dress and our fathers - or in my case Edward wore dress uniform.
The meeting of the King and Queen was really a bit of an anti climax. Our parents presented us we gave a deep curtsy (very difficult with the hooped skirt) and then we moved on the introductions over.
This then meant that we were eligible young ladies a target for young males the thing now was to make a match that is beneficial to both families.

In January 1809 we went to London as Edward was now a member of the House of Lords and as the country was at war Parliament was nearly always in session.
We received news about the Battle at Corrunna where the French were heavily defeated but at great cost I was frantic with worry was my William still alive?
Finally in the middle of March I received a letter from William telling me he was safe but that the 95th had taken many casualties however the good news was that most of the regiment was returning to England to re-equip and re-fit.
He told me that on this time in England he was going to speak to Edward and ask for my hand in marriage!
I had just received this letter when he arrived back in England I was so very pleased to see him that it took me all of my restraint not to rush into his arms.
He looked drawn but exceedingly dashing with he new insignia of rank on his uniform.

We met socially and he showed me the small silver box that contained my portrait. The box was exceedingly battered but the portrait was still perfect. He told me that whenever he is going into action he looked at my likeness and pray to return to me.
I was so very touched that tears came to my eyes.

Then he arrived at our house one morning – I spied him as I descended the staircase he had a resolute look on his face and much to my vexation did not look my way.
He was shown immediately into Edwards study and I guessed that the purpose of his visit involved myself.
In a state of agitation I entered the drawing room where Mama was doing her embroidery. “Who was that at the door darling” she asked me. “William mama he is with Edward.”
Mama looked startled and “Oh” escaped her lips. I sat down and picked up my embroidery not looking her way.
Edward was the head of the household even though mama was very much alive but on all things concerning the family– including my future his decision was final though he did rely on mama’s knowledge and often deferred to her judgement.

A maid knocked and entered saying, “Lady Arabella Lord Edward would like to speak with you.” I could feel mama looking at me as she stood and followed the maid. I sat trying to sew but fretting wondering what was happening in the study.
After what seemed like an age the maid appeared and I was asked to go to the study.
When I arrived there stood William with mama sitting my brother Edward was not in the room.
I went and stood near William mama looked sadly at the two of us before speaking, “Charlotte, William is here today to ask for your hand in marriage.”
I gasped not knowing what to think of feel. Mama continued looking at William,
“I have been aware that you are very much taken with my daughter but I must ask you to reconsider.”

William stood straight looking at mama and answered, “Lady Arabella if I would like to speak frankly if I may.”
Mama looked startled as this was unheard of eventually she nodded giving William permission to speak.

He began, “Lady Arabella I have been seeing Charlotte for the past 5 years I have seen her blossom from a attractive child to a sophisticated, eligible and beautiful girl – who I love deeply and respect highly.”
He stopped to draw breath mama was about to speak when William continued, “Please Lady Arabella let me finish and then if you still do not want me to marry Charlotte I will abide by your opinion and never see Charlotte again.”

Without thinking I blurted, “Oh no please no!”

Mama looked sharply at me before speaking, “Please continue William.” William nodded and looking at me with adoration in his eyes continued, “Lady Arabella I have thought long and hard but I love Charlotte deeply and as I have already said I would never do anything that would cause her any harm.”
I gasped at this then he carried on, “You see Lady Arabella I know why you do not want me to marry my love Charlotte. I have known for five years her secret and I simply do not care. To me Charlotte to me is a charming accomplished and very beautiful girl who I want to spend the rest of my life with.”

I was totally unaware of the silence that had descended as I gasped, “Oh William I do so love you.”

Mama sat back and sighed looking at the two of us with a sigh she replied, “So William you think you know why I do not want you to marry Charlotte?”
Mama looked perturbed as she asked this.
“Lady Arabella I do not think, I know - I know that Charlotte was not born a girl!” I gasped and looked at him.
He looked at me with that look of love and adoration in his eyes.

Mama took all this in and answered, “And if I do not give you permission you will ruin Charlottes reputation!”
William straightened looking mama in the eye retorted, “Madam if you were a man I would offer you out for satisfaction as you do me ill.”
For once mama dropped her eyes and sighed, “I am sorry William please forgive me.”
William gave a stiff bow and carried on, “Lady Arabella there is nothing to forgive no doubt you were upset at my words.”
Mama bowed in an apology and William continued, “I have said before that I would never do anything to hurt dear Charlotte her secret will go with me to the grave. I know it will be a very unorthodox marriage but it is a marriage that I want because I love her dearly!”

I started to move from one leg to the other (I have never been able to break this habit). Mama noticed and said, “Charlotte a lady does not fidget!” “Sorry mama” I contritely replied.
Mama sat there thinking finally she looked at William and said, “William I thank you for your consideration and as long as you fully understand the limitations of your marriage I will consent to your request and will speak to Edward on your behalf.”

Later on I found out from Mama why I could not give birth and in truth I was distraught that I couldn’t give William the heir people would expect
I wrote to him regularly and of course he wrote to me William’s letters were full and very comprehensive and as usual part passionate love letters and part military report. Reading them they were an amusing but interesting mixture.

Not knowing how long it would be before I saw him again I put my thoughts and questions for him in a letter but I worded it ambiguously asking him if he was certain that he wanted to be married to a woman that could not conceive and telling him that should he want to not marry me I would understand and hoped that we would still be friends.

I was surprised at the speed of reply in just over a month I was reading it. William told me in no uncertain terms that he had thought very carefully and it was me he loved, me he wanted to marry and me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with!
He also told me not to be silly as his feelings for me were pure and true and with the letter he enclosed a Bloodstone pendant with diamond surround with matching drop earrings. (Bloodstone for absence. Diamonds for harmony between us)
I cried when received this letter for he had declared his love for me for who I am and not for anything else.

1810 passed slowly for me William was still fighting in Portugal his letters arrived very infrequently but when they did it brought pleasure to me.
As usual they were still the quaint mix of passionate love letter and military report he told me in one of these letters that the 95th had taken part in the Battle of Brussace where 25000 British Troops plus a similar amount of Portuguese troops took on 65,000 French.

My life at home continued I was the perfect daughter dutiful chaste practical and very fashionable I loved clothes. So you see after ten years of preparing to be a fashionable woman this is what I became and I adored every second of my life.

So I have now caught up with Charlotte’s life this précis is a bit long but covers all the important milestones in the life from now on the story continues.