Netflix Presents: Venus Descending

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by Andromeda DiMaggio

for the Spacepuppy

To: Linda Pelligrino, Marketing, Warner Brothers
From: Larry Shapiro, Producer, Warner Brothers

For immediate release (DRAFT):

Coming soon to theaters everywhere

From the creative mind of the Babalooski sisters, the geniuses behind the Matrices and Cloudy Atlas comes the Blockbuster Netflix Motion Picture Venus Descending. The story of a kid from Hoboken with a dream and very little resources.

Starring Miley Kunis (Mila’s transgender half-sister)as Venus Vendetta and Milla Jovovich as Kandy Wisegirl

[Sample for trailer]:

Vendetta Booksellers, Hoboken, New Jersey

“I’m sorry, Venus,” the boy’s mother sighs as she hands him yet another copy of Bill O’Reilly’s latest to be placed on the REDUCED kiosk.

“Your father liked Shocking Blue,” she marvels at the irony, since her son is standing at the counter wearing a shocking pink tank top over a mauve sports bra. The boy smiles.

“Why did my dentist try to kill me?” The girl asks. The handsome looking woman in the cool vinyl trench coat. Kandy Wisegirl, laughs softly.

“You’re the sole heir to the solar system’s entire supply of Tim Horton’s coffee, and your semi-descendants, the Etobicoke Triplets, want to corner the market by giving you the old heave-ho.

“Semi-descendants? WTF? Triplets?”

“Well? There’s Billy? He thinks you’re his Mom from centuries ago and he never quite got over her leaving with a Toyota Dealer from Guelph. Then there’s Timmy, who runs a coffee bar in Hamilton. He’s been turned down for a Timmy’s Franchise. And finally there’s Callie. She’s the most reasonable of them, and even she’s not wrapped too tight.” Kandy sits down and fails in her attempt to scratch behind her doggie ears with her feet, but her lithe figure still succeeds in leaving Venus confused, scared, and more than a little in heat.

On the planet Venus at a Dunkin Donuts Distributor

Venus faces Timmy.

“You want to marry me? I haven’t even had my bottom surgery.” Venus (the bookseller) says Timmy laughs and half- smiles.

“Oh hell, I’m just shamefully trying to manipulate you so I can get a Timmy’s franchise.”

“Go for it, Timmy (her ironically named semi-descendant). I won’t stand in your way. And find yourself a nice girl who actually likes boys, okay?” [Their conversation is interrupted by Kandy, who crashes through the store front window on a Segue. She slaps Timmy and picks up Venus; carrying her off.]

At a Massage Envy store in Toronto, Venus.

“Geez, Callie? For someone 8000 years old, you look terrific.” Venus laughs softly.

“Actually, I’m only thirty-two, but I do watch my diet and I drink a lot of coffee.” Callie smiles. Venus turns to camera and rolls her eyes. Kandy suddenly appears and bitch-slaps Callie before picking Venus up and flying out on an ultra-light pedal plane. Callie turns to camera and shrugs

At Billy’s Starbucks in London (no, not England).

“You never loved me,” Billy whines.

“Love you? I’m not your friggin’ mom, you idiot. Say… wait a second? Aren’t you Eddie Redmayne?"

“Noooo,’" Billy whines..

"Didn’t I see you in Danish Girl? I wondered if that was peach or pineapple. Peach or Pineapple… get it? Danish Girl?”

“NOOOOO,’ Billy mewls. He steps back and bumps into the counter, which in turn sends him backwards where he bonks his head. Kandy strolls in and once again carries Venus off.

“I loved you in The Fifth Element,” Venus says as she looks up into Kandy’s eyes.

“Shh. Just kiss me, you breathtaking girl of my dreams.” Kandy says.

“I haven’t had my bottom surgery,” Venus remarks. Kandy laughs and pretends to sniff the air.

“I know,” she says before she gathers Venus in her arms and kisses her.

Netflix projects limited series with option for two additional seasons. Let me know what you think about the overseas market?

Larry Shapiro, Producer, Warner Brothers

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