Easy As Falling Off A Bike pt 264

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Easy Come, Easy Go.
by Bonzi cat
part: 22 dozen.

I had a head like a bucket with hair like straw. I had to damp it all down again and style it. Damn, I was going to be late now, all the things I was going to do and I did none of them. I got a bit angry with myself.

While still in this mood, I poked myself in the eye with a mascara wand. It was neither a pleasant sight nor experience. I ranted and raved running around with a sore eye and a total mess of my eye makeup.

Eventually, I calmed down and realised that my pink fit had lost me even more time. That nearly set me off again, but instead some sort of cognitive override function came into play. It was weird because I could almost hear my mother standing behind me and saying loudly, "Catherine, we'll have no more of that young lady."

Unfortunately, she never did say it to me, but it felt as if she would have done in a parallel universe. I shivered as if someone had stepped on my grave, then went back into the bathroom to see what mess I'd made of my face. I stripped all the makeup off with one of those impregnated tissue things, not that I wear much makeup, but there was some liner and mascara, some brow pencil and blusher. I hadn't done my lippy, so that was okay.

There was a tiny red mark in my eye, so I'd got off lightly and I apologised to the universe, parallel or otherwise for flying off the handle. I was sure it was stress or tiredness but it was certainly unladylike, more fishwife and some sort of apology was necessary before the universe could get back into equilibrium.

I nearly sniggered at my rank hubris, but that would have had similar outcomes to the previous attack on my corneas. So I took a deep breath and thought of what I could take Stella. I finished my makeup, the opthalmic injury was barely noticeable. I had decided I would get Stella some chocolate, after all, if I was getting fatter why shouldn't she?

I dressed in a skirt and my ancient but favourite red boots, a red top and popped on some red jewellery, it was more bling than jewels, red beads and earrings, with some red plastic bangles on my right wrist. A quick squirt of smellies and I grabbed my coat and bag and left.

I drove into Tesco on the way to the hospital and in their cafeteria had a baguette and a cup of coffee, the tea is not to my taste. I followed it up with a banana, but that was on the way back to the car. I had a bag bulging with fruit and chocolate.

Just as I was loading my purchases in the car, some lad riding a bike came past and yanked my handbag off my shoulder. I was so taken aback, I let it go. My stomach flipped, there were all sorts of things in there, keys, cards, money. Fortunately my car keys were in my pocket and I jumped in the car and set off in pursuit.

Two minutes and some very reckless driving, later, I spotted him riding down an alleyway that displayed a 'no cycling' sign. I knew where that came out, so I hammered around to it and got there just as my little robber came out, minus my handbag. It didn't stop me mounting the pavement and taking him and his bike for a ride they didn't intend.

He rolled along the pavement and I jumped out and grabbed him. "You thieving little swine, where's my bag?"

"Uh what?"

I was so angry, I was working up to breaking each of his bones individually. I grabbed him by the lapels of his coat and hoisted him up against a wall.

"I'll ask you once more before I start breaking your thieving body."

To my surprise he wet himself. I continued to scold him and threaten him, when finally he walked back to show me where he'd dumped my bag, over a wall. I made him climb over and get it.

I was astonished he didn't try to run off, but he didn't he was so shaken up by my attack. He handed me back everything he'd taken and I let him go. The car had a scratch on the front where I'd hit his bike, he had a few scratches as well as wet jeans, and his back wheel was buckled. He had to carry his bike back to whichever stone whence he had crawled.

It was now half past two, it wasn't my day. I drove on to the hospital as I tried to allow the adrenalin to disperse, so I seemed beset by every homicidal maniac with a car in the Portsmouth area. It did nothing for my patience.

I got to the hospital, took out a mortgage to pay for the parking and sorted through the boot to collect the scattered fruit and confectionery which my earlier drive had thrown all over.

I picked up a few of each thing and put into the bag to carry up to the ward. When I got there, I was just about to enter when the nurse called me.

"Lady Cameron, there's a doctor in with her at the moment."

I swore under my breath and the nurse gave me a filthy look. I smiled guiltily at her.

"He hasn't long gone in there, why don't you grab a cuppa in the restaurant?"

"How long is he likely to be?"

"I have no idea."

I swore again, and then thanked her before going up to the cafeteria. I had a reasonable cup of tea, which was the only pleasant surprise of the day so far.

It was after three when I returned to the ward and was about to enter Stella's room when the nurse intercepted me again.

"I'm sorry, but I think he's still in there."

My temper was now reaching ignition point. "What! What is he doing in there, a total bloody rebuild?"

With that the door opened and pout popped a head, "Can you keep your.. hello Cathy, come to see Stel?"

"John, are you visiting or here officially?"

"Nah, just saying hello."

"Come in Cathy," called Stella from within the room.

He held the door open for me before saying to Stella he'd see her again. He then left.

"If I'd known it was him, I'd have been here half a bloody hour ago."

"Who's pinched your dolly?"

I sat down after taking off my coat and related the story of the day so far.

She laughed and groaned with me as I recounted my paddy in the bathroom and gasped as I told her how I regained my bag.

"Gosh Cathy, you took a chance knocking him off his bike."

"I know, I could have damaged the car, but I just clipped him enough to bring him off."

"You could have killed him, what would you have done then?"

"Had to look over the walls myself for my bag."

She gave me a look of disbelief, "What you'd have left him lying there, dead in the road?"

"Nah, I'd have dumped the body over the wall first, then the bike, then found my bag after strip searching him."

"You silly bugger! Remember your official status, you'd could be sent to a male prison."

"Oh sh..ugar!" I sat down and felt my whole body shake. It was some time before I got control of myself and was able to talk again.

"Did he get the number of your car?"

"I don't know, he limped off with the bike without looking back as far as I know. But that doesn't mean he didn't get it."

"Maybe you'd better tell the police?"

"Oh hell, do you think so?"

"I dunno, up to you girl, but if you do then at least you got your version in first. With your connections, it should be okay."

"I did stop at the scene of the accident."

"Accident, you did it on purpose, girl!"

"Yeah, but it was an accident he survived!"

"You silly cow!" she roared with laughter.

We chatted and it was obvious that she felt better in herself. I asked her about coming home.

"I'm not if you're going to beat me up and throw me over walls."

"I promise I won't do both in the same day."

"Oh, well that's alright then."

"I need to see Tom and find out if the house is back to normal."

"What about the cottage?" asked Stella.

"I think it's finished but it's a bit remote compared to Tom's house."

"I suppose it is. I can't see me getting out of here for a day or two anyway."

"I'll go and see Tom on the way home."

"You don't know if he'll be there."

"No, not for sure, but it's quite probable. He's bought himself a new telly and he wants me to set it up for him."

"What, Tom has spent some money?"

"Insurance I expect, his old one got shot."

"Got shot! You are joking?"

"No, you know they attacked his house and tried to kill us?"

"No, no one has told me that."

I told her the story, well edited highlights, I didn't say much about the bow.

"They came and shot up his house."

"He did help with his shotgun."

"Oh my giddy aunt! I'm glad I wasn't there."

"Yeah you'd probably have been in the way."

"And you weren't, missy?"

"Nah, I accounted for three of them," damn, I hadn't meant to say that.

"How did you take out three of them?"

"You know, a door here, a chair there."

"You mixed it with the Russian mafia?"

"Yeah, I did at the university if you remember?"

"So you did, which was why they kidnapped me!" she glared at me.

"How do you know they weren't going to anyway, and then they'd have had both of us."

"Hmm, that's true. Next time it's my turn to beat them up and yours to be abducted."

"Gee thanks Stella, maybe I'll just leave you here for a few more weeks, unless they transfer you to an old people's home."

She picked up a grape and hurled it at me.

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Comments

Oh My, Cathy Pulls A Stella

Need I say more?
May Your Light Forever Shine

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

Cathy is one girl not to be

Cathy is one girl not to be trifled with. She has learned to stand up and defend herself and will take matters into her own hands as she needs to. Great heroine her,
J-Lynn

Hmmmmm

I thought being recognized as female in the states was bad however once you have the proper bits and a letter from your surgeon here it's rather easy. Sounds a lot more complicated in the UK.

Nothing in Life is Free; if the cost is not monetary it will be physical, emotional, or spiritual.
Rachel Anne

Nothing in Life is Free; if the cost is not monetary it will be physical, emotional, or spiritual.
Rachel Anne

Cathy and England

What is it with all this purse snatching?

Is this the national pastime, or are all of these new jobs they train for in England?

Seems like every TOM, Dick and Harry are purse snatchers.

Glad to see Cathy is not taking any guff from these felons. You would think she would be so popular, as Wonder Woman, they would know to leave her alone. Cathy is worse than two women having their time of month. Thats when Cathy is having a good day.

Wow, I dare say, what could happen next?

Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

Great going Angharad.

Hugs
Joni W

I Agree With What She Said

The one right below me, headed "Cathy and England".

I'm too tired to do more than echo someone else. But at least I posted, eh?

Yours from the Great White North,

Jenny Grier (Mrs.)

x

Yours from the Great White North,

Jenny Grier (Mrs.)

A grape is a deadly weapon!

Well, maybe.

Stella is definitely sounding better! Cathy's escapade with the attempted theft! Ho boy. It WAS about time for her to burn off some energy though.

Thanks for the evening's entertainment.

Do you think we'll be hearing from Miss Charlotte any time soon?

Annette

Stella committed a felony ...

Attempted Grape.

I did that for Karen who LOVES bad puns.

Stella ia right about contacting the police.

Was that the same John, the married guy who got her pregnant?

Foolish Stella.

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

Stretching it a bit thin

I think, but hey, I'm enjoying it. I'm still thinking about the police treatment. I'm not so sure it is a good idea in this world.

What am I saying! Thinking about what has happened so far this is actually believable! That Wheel of Fortune has gotten a major workout!

Snoring dormouse

Rhona McCloud's picture

As a latecomer you did warn me a few episode ago that it would get "worse" ! Since then the body count has been rising with Clint Eastwood movie speeds - if only the purse snatcher had been reading your daily episodes he would have known to pedal away as fast as possible as soon as he saw Cathy in the car park!
All this excitement led me to visit YouTube to watch a snoring dormouse to wind down http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DlS3w1GGE8g

Rhona McCloud

Whew, don't piss off Cathy.

Whew, don't piss off Cathy.
Is it me or is Cathy a tough, forceful person, now that she's a woman, Much more than she was as a man ?

Cefin