Becoming Sarah Part 7

Author’s Note: First I would like to thank my dear friend for editing this story. I also want to thank everyone who has ever helped me with my writing.

Also I know that I said that I was going to put all the remaining parts of Becoming Sarah out at once. I change the plans. I am working on Part 8 and that should be out in a couple of days. I am saying this for right now I am in the Empire Strike Back part of the story. I do not people to get to down reading it.

Sarah was pulling herself together, for she did not want to let Lexi know that finding out that Cara had a date, broke her heart. The lady who was gathering her strength did not want to waste her freedom on being sad or having a friend feel obligated to cheer her up. Sarah knew that Lexi was going to be a close friend, so she wanted to make a great impression this first chance the two could have one on one time.

Also, the sad lady had no right to be down and hurt that Cara had a date. Cara was her friend, and only her friend, so the other giggle twin could see whoever she wanted. It was not right for the lovelorn lady not to be happy for her new best friend. Cara deserved to be happy, and a true friend would be happy that their friend has a chance of finding someone special.

Sarah knew who really hurt her was herself. She had let herself believe that there was a chance for love to blossom between the two. Even without yet admitting who she really was to herself, Sarah knew she was not a man, at least not a man who Cara would be interested to be with in a relationship. Knowing that she was not right for Cara, and giving herself hope, made the pain come from within.

The lady trying to put a smile on her face felt like a fool. How could she ever have thought that Cara would be with her? Cara liked men. Doubt started to set into Sarah’s mind, Cara agreed to set up a date after the project. Sarah knew how hard it was for Cara to let someone down, so maybe delaying the detail was how Cara was doing so.

The woman who was in doubt, was starting to beat herself up for how she likely had caused her love interest to start to beating herself up for being down about having to put off her friend, just to go out and enjoy herself on a date. When James had a date with Cara their freshman year, she backed out after being set up on an impromptu date with Mick, the binge drinker. The next morning after the date Cara called James to talk.

Sarah still remembered how James’ heart dropped as fast as a knocked out prize fighter into his stomach when Cara said over the phone they needed to talk in person. James knew what they were going to have to talk about. Sarah’s spirits were lifted when she remembered that James was the one who ended up comforting Cara about their date being no more.

Sarah was proud that James knew Cara was right in doing so, for she wanted to give the new man a chance. It would not have been fair to Cara, Mick, or James if she kept her date with him. Cara would be a judge, and those two contestants, in a game where the prize was Cara. Her friend was more than a prize, she was a wonderful woman who deserved the man she was seeing to be only concerned about getting to know her.

Thinking back on how James made sure the lady he wanted to grow old with felt better about doing the right thing, and putting what was best for Cara ahead of his needs, put the sad lady in a better mood. The lady who was feeling a broken heart for the first time knew she would be able to do the right thing, and be there for Cara. She also knew that it would be fine that her eros for Cara would be unrequited, and that was okay with that. This was for their storge, philia, and agape had been, and would continue to grow stronger.

Sarah came to the conclusion that her and Cara were not meant to be. In some ways it was for the best, Sarah knew that after the project, she would have to spend a lot of time on finding who she really was. She could not expect anyone to invest emotionally in her as intensely as one does in a new relationship, for the lady who was a stranger to herself might not be able to invest as much time as was needed in return. Sarah did not want to be a taker in a relationship, and not being able to be there as much as she should would have made her feel like one.

Another one of the main reasons it was for the best, by feeling her advances on Cara were rejected, Sarah had to do some self evaluation. If she did not have to do the assessment on who she was, then she might not have come closer to solving the mystery she did not know she was working on. Being forced to admit that James was at least, somewhat not a man, was going to make it easier for the real lady to emerge from the husk of a man who had been protecting her.

**********

Lilith feigned innocence by saying, “Oh come on, Cara, I didn't know Sarah was there, how could I?”

Cara was not backing down, and while pointing at Lilith said, “For you knew she was coming over, that is how.

Plus you know this is not really a date. Why did you say it was a date? I agreed to go only to help you. I am being your wing girl. Sarah thinks I am on a date, and will think there will be no date between us. That has happened before with us. You better fix the mess you made, and clear this up with Sarah.“

It took all of Lilith’s willpower, and knowing the reward of biting her tongue, not to tell Cara she had no right to talk to her in that manner. Yeah, her friend was right about Lilith knowing, but no one had the right to try to put Lilith in her place. Looking downtrodden, “I am sad that you think that of me. I would not do anything to hurt you or Sarah. Don’t worry, I'll talk to Sarah about tonight.”

Lilith said facts, but was not honest with what she said. The scheming lady was sad that her friend was starting to know her well enough to see her dark side. Everyone got upset when someone close to them saw their shadow self, it was a reminder to a person they are not as good as they thought they were. People either accept seeing their shortfalls, and work on them, or start to become distant to the people who were showing them their bad side.

Lilith convinced herself she was trying to make James’s life as miserable as she could was not to hurt anyone, it was for a lesson. Her believing James was so superficial to think that the shallow act of wearing a dress would gain him insight in femininity, blinded her to what she was doing. She was hurting all those around her.

Lilith’s pain in James letting her down made her ignorant to the damage she was causing to her friends, their relationships, and to herself. It was for pain not treated begat pain. Her friends were worried about how Lilith reacted to Sarah. Audrey and the girls knew how visceral her disapproval was at first, was not healthy. How stubborn Lilith was with not even trying to understand what Sarah was doing caused the relationship to not be as close as before. Friends need to hear each other out, and respect how they feel about a topic. Lastly, it was hurting herself, she was closing herself off from others and becoming lonely, even when surrounded by those who cared for her.

Hearing Lilith’s words changed the reason, but not the stance behind Cara feeling like a fool. Cara had the impression she was acting unwisely before Lilith answered, for she thought that Lilith never changed about seeing what Sarah was doing as wrong. Now she felt silly for having doubted in her friend.

“Lilith, I am sorry. I do not want anything to lessen my chances of the date with James going well. We missed out on a couple of opportunities before, and I do not want anything to go wrong.

Now Sarah is back there thinking about me on a date. I did not have the chance to tell her that nothing was going to come from it. It was just to help you out with getting the man you want.”

Lilith was relieved to hear her unknowing accomplice was back to not being wise to the real intention of the night. Lilith knew she was lucky, for Cara actually knew the goal which the schemer wanted, was happening, but would not admit it to herself. The kindhearted young woman just could not allow herself to see the worst in her friend, even if all the signs were pointing towards it.

Lilith could not help to think that Cara knowing the results of the date made the night sweeter. Cara deserved to know, to have the hindsight to see her first instincts about Lilith’s setup were correct, so she could feel bad about not following them. Cara was wrong for supporting this fool’s errand which James was on. To Lilith, the lady who was always right even when she was wrong, thinking that Sarah was real was the true affront which was happening with her friends, not how she was treating James.

The tragic part of Lilith's actions, was how much she would regret everything she did to Sarah if she found out the truth. Lilith would be Sarah's biggest supporter if she knew the woman James was. The lady who was sister to all females, would be down on herself for not seeing the signs, It would hurt her when she saw how blind she was to the femininity which James hid from others. It would not matter to her that the man who in reality was a lady hid it, for Lilith believed her intuition on people would have made her see the truth.

Lilith, wanting to use Cara’s guilt, said “You can make this up to me by having a great time tonight.”

*********

The man in the Alpha Sigma Sigma sweatshirt with a gelled caesar haircut just was not feeling it tonight as he drank from his red Solo cup. He was The Gord, and was scoping the fresh scared meat for his personal gopher this year. One of the perks of being an officer in the frat was he got his own whipping boy.

The Gord should have been getting more pleasure from seeing the new group of recruits which he got to torment, while he molded them into Alpha men, yet it was not coming to him. The reason was this year’s hazing was going to be tame and lame. The snowflakes, who were in charge of the University. made draconian rules, just because last year a pledge from another frat died.

There was no proof that the man fell down the basement steps from drinking too many drinks with too high an alcohol proof in them. Also, the brothers were not down in the basement, so who would have known he was down there injured? The members of the frat did not go down there until the next morning, and if their CCTV was working that night, they would have had proof.

Plus, even if that man drank a little too much, others should not pay for he could not handle his liquor. The Gord survived the 100 shots challenge. He drank 100 one ounce shots of beer in 100 minutes. To Gordon, so what if his vomit did look like coffee grounds afterward, and he spent the Saturday and Sunday in bed, but the Gord did it.

It was not fair that everyone had to pay for the accident which happened somewhere else. The unjustly treated frats now could not do any drinking based tests on the pledges. Those administrators are such hypocrites, they all drank underage and tried to use the stance that any organization which was officially affiliated with the University cannot make people do illegal activities to join. Gord felt it was unjust that his brothers could not make the pledges break into the Beaver Stadium just to take a picture at the 50 yard line. Also no more spray painting Alpha Sigma Sigma 4 life on the side of the dorms, and what the Gord was looking forward to the most, making them streak during the first snowfall at night.

Pain begets pain, and the Gord wanted to do unto those people who were going to be his friends what was done upon him. He had a miserable freshman year as a pledge. The Gord and his pledge brothers never could get payback on those, who claimed to be their friends, who initiated them. It was not that the upperclassmen were bad people, they just were trying to get payback for the initiation they had to go through to prove worthy of others friendship, just like Gord was doing right now. It became a vicious cycle, for each year the initiation rituals got worse.

It was not just losing the chance to ease the pain of having to prove his worthiness to be accepted by doing worthless and humiliating acts which was getting to the Gord. He wanted some action tonight after toying with the fresh meat. His woman, Lexi, told him she was busy tonight and not stop over later. The Gord did not understand why she could just end her plans early when he was free later that night.

After thinking about how nothing was going his way, the man who was in an artificial tribe went back to drinking his beer, trying to find who’s life he was going to make miserable this year.

********

Lexi could not believe Cara and Sarah’s luck. Each time they were going to get together as a couple, something always happened to impede them. Now it was Lilith announcing the date which Cara had tonight. If Lexi did not know better, she could have sworn that Lilith did that on purpose, knowing that Sarah was in the other room.

The lady who was going to get to truly know Sarah tonight, decided she gave her enough time to get ready. Lexi walked to Sarah's temporary dressing room and talked through the door, asking her friend if she was alright. A couple of seconds later, Sarah came out with a smile on her face and told her she was.

Lexi was good at reading her friends, but did not know if Sarah was doing fine or was covering up. Sarah's facial expressions were different than James, so they were new to the concerned friend. Lexi was not going to take the chance Sarah was putting on a front by having a stiff upper lip. She quit seeing Sarah, and saw her friend for who she thought she was, James. The reason was the situation could be serious, and they needed to talk to each other as who they really were.

Lexi knew how much James wanted to be with Cara. This might be the last chance for those two to get together. Lexi could not blame the man who never got a chance yet to see it as Cara playing with his heart. This would be the third year their first date never came to be. Cara already had a date planned with Micky her freshman year the weekend before her date with James. Those two hit it off, so James and Cara never did go out.

Their Sophomore year, on the day their next date was supposed to be, James had to rush back home for his mom had a heart attack. That night Cara met Eddie, and he stole her heart. It ended up that was not all he stole, anything which was not nailed down was fair game too, and ended up in his pockets.

Lexi knew it was not for Cara was playing with James’ heart. It was that she was mercurial, and in the moment. She was also fair and had to give people a chance if they were flirting with her or on a date and she was unattached. Cara only acted how she would expect others to do with her. James also knew it, and Lexi believed that this looked like the start of yet the same old dance, and would cloud his judgment.

“James, do not worry about the date. Nothing is going to happen, Cara is looking forward to her date with you.”

Sarah smiled, “Lexi, tonight I am Sarah, I need to make sure I am in the right mindset for next weekend. This project is important to me.

Plus, James and Cara do not have a date planned. He asked her out and she said they would plan it after next weekend. Cara is free to see who she wants and James will understand.”

“James, it is fine to use your real name right now. You really need to know that Cara is looking forward to the date.”

“It is just my mindset with the name dear. I know I am James, but I need to see him as my male side right now.

It is so sweet of you to reassure me that I have nothing to worry about. I am not worried. Now can we drop it, for who Cara sees is none of our business.”

“You and Cara will have a date.”

“Lexi please drop it. We do not have a date set, we might plan one, but she is out with a man tonight. If they hit it off we will not have one. This has happened before, and I am fine with it.

Cara is my friend and I want the best for her. I just might not be the best for her. No matter what, me and her will always be the giggle twins, and she can always depend on me to be there for her like I can depend on her.”

Lexi was a little hurt hearing the response James gave. The pain came from her wanting to see those two finally get together. They meshed so well. James not having faith that the date would come to fruition would hurt their chances. The lady who was trying to make sure what should be came to pass, knew faith meant to still see what they knew, when it looked like it could not be.

It was true, based on events of the past, that James was right to not see the date to be. To Lexi, her friend needed to not be cautious because of the past. “Just have faith.”

“I do have faith what should be, will be. I just know Cara, and how she sees the best in others. She will find whoever she is out with worth taking a chance on, and do so. It will be, for that is how she would want others to treat her. This is why I love her.

Lexi, lastly, it is fine. I know you are trying to cheer me up, but there is no need to. I will be happy for Cara. I want what is best for her, and I might not be the best for her.

Now tell me, how you and Gordon are doing?”

*************

Cara and Lilith were waiting at the entrance of the Chinese restaurant for their dates, Jason Harris and Robert Butler, to show up. Lilith was basking in how she envisioned the evening was going to be. She knew that dealing with her date, Robert, would be easy; he only wanted one thing, sex. The human dog wanted to add a feminist to the list of his conquests. She would just lead him on, have him “accidentally” find out about her fifth date rule. If she was with a man and wanted a fifth date that meant he would get lucky.

The lady who was trying to make Cara and Sarah star crossed lovers, was proud of how she ensured that Jason and Cara would hit it off great. She fed him information about Cara, her likes and dislikes, her dreams and aspirations, along with her fears and insecurities. Jason, just like his friend Robert, was a player, so he knew exactly how to use that information to his advantage. Lilith knew that even with Cara not wanting to treat this as a date, her sense of being fair to all will overcome her reservations. Lilith would make sure she played on her friend not ever wanting to lead people on.

The two men showed up looking dashing. Robert in a nice black polo shirt and khakis. Jason following the inside information Lilith gave him, showed up in a dark blue silk button down shirt, tie, and black slacks. He knew the shirt was Cara’s favorite color on a man, and she loved it when her date dressed up for the occasion. He almost felt bad for Cara for she had no chance of turning him down. It was going to be the slow play, for Jason did not want a one night stand, he wanted a two semester stand.

The Lothario did not want to waste time in his senior year chasing skirts to get some actions, he needed to have as much free time as possible to chase a career. He wanted his senior year to be simple socially, hang out with his friends then go to his hook up after his nights out, then just have enough dates to keep the girl whose bed he was sharing strung along.

Jason did not want his sex life to be complicated, for he wanted to follow whatever career path was best for him. There was no way he was going to let someone else have any weight in the decision he was going to make about his future. Plus, why settle down now, he had the rest of his life after college to be true to the person he was with.

As the guys walked towards the girls, Lilith asked Cara if she found Jason hot. Cara said yes in a matter of fact manner, but her facial expression gave away how much she approved of what she saw. Cara's verbal answer was not as important to Lilith as her physical reaction. The devious one knew with how well those two pawns would mesh, Cara would want to get to know Jason better. Then, with Cara being physically attracted to Jason, would just make it easier for Cara to want to pursue that man.

Even with Lilith’s extensive knowledge of her friend, she did not know all. There were two important facts Lilith was not privy to. The main fact was how Cara’s was already dedicated to seeing how her and James could work out. How close those two have become had made Cara realize that they had a chance for greatness together as a couple. Wanting that greatness closed Cara to any temptation from another.

The second fact, was the mixed feelings Cara had about seeing Sarah naked. These raw feelings of wanting to be intimate with a female were causing a strong internal conflict. Cara saw nothing wrong with homosexuality, she just never had the inkling before, and did not know if she could handle being a lesbian. She was daddy’s little girl, and did not know how the man of strong faith would handle it. Was that strong sexual urge the real reason why she never had a good relationship, she was with the wrong sex? If that was true, then would her and James be doomed before they even started? If she was in doubt, was it even fair to have that date with James? Cara never had those feelings before, and having to sort out the new questions was going to be the basis to Lilith’s acidic goals towards James tonight.

Cara’s inner dilemma was evident as soon as those four sat down. She was withdrawn from the conversation, giving short answers and never initiating any conversation. Lilith started to stew again in her anger when it was clearly apparent only Cara’s physical presence was there. How could this be happening, the night was not going as she planned. Lilith cursed her luck for every time she tried to make James pay for making a mockery of her sex, it failed.

Jason knew he should be really making a great first impression on Cara. After all, the player was saying and doing all the right things. He talked up the teaching profession, on how they were underpaid for what they did and how he had such admiration for teachers being able to handle so many students. Jason saw that Cara was touched, and believed the bullshit he just gave her.

After Cara ordered her favorite meal, Sweet and Sour Chicken, he ordered her second favorite, Kung Pao Chicken, so they could share from each others plate. Using the flirting technique of sharing from each others plate was easy. Jason said her order was his second favorite, and she replied his was hers. Cara sharing that information made it natural for Jason to suggest to take from the others plate.

The determined man was not going to give up, he just knew he had to find what was on Cara’s mind and then be the sympathetic shoulder she could lean on. He knew that would work for how she looked at him when he came in. The Casanova knew it would work for she found him sweet, and would not be expecting that he was playing her.

When Jason got quiet as he was coming up with his new strategy to make Cara feel a connection with him, Lilith excused herself and Cara from the table. As they got into the women’s room, Lilith could not contain showing her emotions. “What the hell is wrong with you? Cara, you are ruining tonight!”

Cara was stunned at Lilith attacking her, “I am just not in a talkative mood, I have things on my mind. About James and me. You should not have set me up on this date!

Plus, me not being into Jason is not ruining the night. This is about you hooking up with Robert. I have no idea what you see in him. He is so not your type, even with me not being all here, I know enough about him, you are not that into his personality.”

Lilith took what was on Cara's mind as her having doubts about even wanting to keep her date with James for this. The night was not a disaster, all Lilith had to do was work that information into the conversation, and Jason would be able to work with it. Plus, Lilith could also work on Cara's doubts about James’ manhood. Even with knowing that tonight should have the outcome which Lilith wanted, she wanted to call in reinforcements to make James retreat.

“Sorry, I know it must be rough to see the man you want to be with prance around in a dress.

I just don’t want Jason to leave for Robert might leave also. That is how I thought you were ruining it.

I know he does not seem my type, but all that macho stuff is just an act. I know I can change him so he will not be scared to show his sensitive side to the public. You should read his poetry. He will share it with you when he gets more comfortable.

I will be right out dear, I need to make a phone call.”

Cara was going to reply to the snide remark from her friend, but Lilith was already on the phone. That would have to wait until later.

**********

The Gord was talking with Villain about how to spice up Hell Week. Gord’s frat brother got his frat name from how he would always would say he was chillin' like a villain. Those two so wanted to go rogue and do some of the hazing off campus later. Gord came up with the idea of doing it at the unity retreat the house has every year. That was a weekend the frat would spend camping in the woods, drinking. The only exercise in building unity which was performed there was them drinking and throwing up together.

Those two hated how the would be brothers were not walking around timid, hoping not to draw the attention of those who they want the approval of. They should be in the corner by themselves and not talking to the pledges of Alpha Sigma Sigma’s sister sorority, Eta Omicron. Those young ladies should be mingling with the frat members.

The sound of laughing at the patsy was also missing. Each year the frat would invite a freshman who had no chance of joining to be an initiate. They would ride him the most, make him always the butt of jokes, and had him do the most humiliating tasks in hopes of becoming a member. The frat brothers would just notch it up more and more until he quit.

Last year the patsy did not quit and The Gord was the frat brother who came up with an excuse for him not to be accepted into the brotherhood. The man who came up with the lie was proud of himself for it would help him move up in the frat leadership. He could use it to get votes when he ran for Frat President at the end of his Junior year. On that night they told the patsy when he showed up to the initiation dinner that they invited one too many for the number of slots they had.

These people who said all those tasks, trials, and tests were meant to build a brotherhood, proved those words to be a lie. Those who should have felt a strong connection and respect for the man who took everything they could throw at him, and instead of admiring his resolve to be a member, these brothers despised him, for the patsy was a scapegoat for their feelings of inadequacy; They had to make it worse for someone so they did not hurt their self esteem for having to do what they did to just belong in a group. They could not stand that the person who they saw as weak was stronger than them.

The smell of stale beer coming up from the spill stained floor was getting too much for those two to handle. Having to turn a blind eye to the members under 21 going to the blind spot in the CCTV to fill up their drinks was annoying. It should be that their underlings were getting them their drinks also. They could not for underage people getting them alcoholic drinks was now frowned upon by the university. What good was it to have pledges if they could not be bossed around to serve drinks?

The shared feeling of disappointment made the two realize that this year at the frat was not going to live up to expectations, their parties were going to be not as fun as apartment parties thrown off campus. If you can’t have the best parties, why even be in a frat?

As they started to make plans for an early exit, the Gord’s phone rang. If the night could not get any worse, it was his girlfriend’s friend Lilith on the other line. He started to wonder what did that Feminazi want?

The Gord was taken aback, when, after his rude greeting of what do you want, Lilith's reply was, “Hey there The Gord, I just want to tell you that Lexi really wants you to come over tonight after you are done with your party.”

The Gord should had been suspicious for this was so out of character for Lilith, but that battle-ax in training was able to take down his defenses just by calling him by his nickname. “ Are you sure, she said she had plans.”

“While she didn’t, Lexi just did not want you to think that she needed her boyfriend around to have a social life. She was trying to be an independent woman.

So if you want to be a good boyfriend, stop over in a little bit. Make sure you tell her that you wanted to see her, so she thinks that you need her, and it is not the other way around. I am telling you this for I just do not want my friend to be lonely.”

“Thanks Lilith, I will do so. I am happy that you are looking out for my Lexi.”

As The Gord was hanging up the phone, he thought that Lilith was not that bad for a hag.

***********

Lilith came out of the woman’s room just needing to make a couple of comments and the results of the night would go as planned. Lilith worked the first comment of how people needed to let go of wanting someone who was not right for them into the conversation. Jason followed Lilith's lead, and talked about some fictitious girl he could never have. Hearing Jason was having somewhat of the same issue as herself brought Cara back from her own personal debate and into the conversation.

Cara was careful to be vague about her issue, one she was still working out exactly what it was. Was it more about starting to question her sexuality a little from seeing a man in a prosthetic vagina? Then it could be that she was making too much about nothing, and might just be ruining yet another chance she had with James.

Another reason she was not straightforward was the giggle twin knew that there was no way James would want anyone other than who he told about his becoming Sarah for a weekend. The lady who had many dilemmas was relieved, for Jason was just agreeing and being supportive. It was so nice that he did not pry to find more information.

Jason was just going to play the slow game tonight. It might take another couple of more times of being her confidante, and just end up in bed with her. They would stay in, get drunk, and one thing would lead to another. The best part was the next morning he would play the remorseful man who hated himself for what happened. That he ruined their friendship by getting too drunk. Cara would then comfort him and he would lead her to suggest that they should go out. He knew she would not want to be a one night stand to a man who was against them, and that she would want to keep his friendship.

Lilith played Robert good, he bought her fifth date rule. The man who wanted to get into her panties agreed with everything she said. Lilith had fun with it by messing up the punchlines in her jokes and hearing him force himself to laugh at them. Having him say he would love to go The Vagina Monologues on their next date this Thursday. Lilith was having so much fun toying with the mouse she almost forgot to make the other comment she wanted to say.

As the check was coming Lilith was able to work in her next move. “We all had a good time, we should do this again next Saturday.”

Cara said “I don’t think so.”

Jason was not going to let Cara turning down the offer defeat him. “I understand you must finally have that date with James next Saturday.”

“I don’t.”

“Come on then, we had a good time. You can talk with me more about James. I will be here for you as a friend. Once James come to his senses you can turn down a dinner with friends. It is just having dinner and a couple of drinks in a group. It will be harmless.”

Cara did like how great of a listener Jason was, and would need to talk more about the situation. Plus who better to talk to about lt than Jason, he had a similar situation about wanting to be with someone and it might never be. Her and James were not going to finalize details until Sunday so it might not be. It would also be nice to get out of the apartment instead of just sitting there worrying about how Sarah was handling being at the dance. “Fine.”

To plant the seed that this could get romantic further down the road Jason jokingly said “Then it is settled, it's a date. Us four, dinner at that French bistro, next Saturday.”

Lilith knew the goddess was shining down on her when Jason said it's a date. She would be able to tell James about the second date which Cara was having with a real man. In a very satisfied tone Lilith said, “Yes it’s a date.”

*********
Lexi was a little shocked when Sarah called The Gord by his name. She knew it was natural for her friend to do so by how it came out of Sarah’s mouth, but still strange. James always called Gordon by his nickname. It was like Sarah did not feel like she and Lexi’s boyfriend knew each other well enough to do so.

The lady who noticed the name choice was right about the reason. Sarah felt like they did not have a personal enough connection, for her to use such an informal name. In Sarah's eyes those two had never met, and then she started to wonder if they would get along. Sarah found it odd that her intuition was telling her no. James and him got along. With James being just a part of her, so she started to wonder why not.

Lexi started to talk about her relationship with The Gord with Sarah as another woman. Sarah was starting to wonder less when she heard Lexi talk about it was great, but would get better once they were out of college. Sarah never had a relationship with anyone, but she knew from James’ relationships and seeing others, college should be easier on a relationship than starting out in the real world. Most college students only had to worry about getting good grades. There was not the concerns of how to get the promotions, when would the next household repair needed to be done, where to find the time to maintain the household, work and social commitments.

The lady in love made excuses of why her man put the frat in front of their relationship, and Sarah was becoming more enlightened on why her was premonition true. It would help him with connections in the business world, that he made his commitments to his fraternity before they were a couple. Those boys were his brothers, and lastly, college was the time to have fun.

The lady figuring out the truth which she should have already known felt bad that she did recognize how much The Gord put himself before the relationship. James saw all those things happen, but did not take much notice in them for Lexi was happy. Sarah was still happy for Lexi and supported her but knew that The Gord was not the type of person she wanted to have any kind of meaningful friendship with.

Lexi then said, “I am looking forward to when The Gord and I will be able to spend more time together just as a couple.”

“You spend almost all weekend with him already dear.”

“Oh Sarah, Friday night we end the night together, and Saturday he is just so busy with the Frat all day. That is fine for I do some of the chores for us, then the gym and rehearsal. Saturday night is either at the frat, or on a group date with a couple of his brothers and their girlfriends. I do spend time with him, but not enough quality time.”

“Then tell him about it dear. He should be able to work out making sure you get what you need in the relationship also.”

Lexi got a little defensive hearing that sound advice. “Sarah, I do get what I need out of the relationship, his love. I do want more alone time with him other than our time together in the bedroom, but he is busy right now.”

“Lexi I am sorry. That came out wrong. All I am saying is that you two should be able to find quality time which is only you and him.”

“Sarah, it is fine. I took what you said wrong. Like The Gord says, we will have enough time just us two, when we are out of college and married.”

The lady who was having her first girl to girl talk about relationships, face started to gleam. Lexi’s statement to her meant that those two were engaged. Sarah did feel a little guilty, even with most of her happiness being for her friend found the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, a little part of her started to dream about being a bridesmaid. Sarah knew it was only a dream, for even if she came to be and James was no more, the lady who was doomed to always be a wedding guest and never a bridesmaid knew her being in the wedding party would distract from the ceremony.

Sarah was shaking a little from being overjoyed for her her as she got up to hug the future bride, “OMG, you did not say that Gordon, proposed. Do you have a ring and can I see it? I am so happy for you two. If it is a secret don’t worry I will not tell anyone. It is safe with me until you two are ready to announce. I wish I would be around to help you celebrate it.”

Lexi was so touched at how genuinely happy Sarah was for her. She knew right then Sarah was more than just an act. The friend who was getting to know Sarah better thought that James just was a little more in touch with his emotions than he let others know. She hoped that this side of James would not go back into the shadows after his weekend as Sarah

“Sarah, calm down, you are acting just like your twin. No,The Gord did not pop the question yet, but he has been hinting at it. I think it will be at their Winter Wonderland Ball. He said that we would have something important to talk about and also a question to ask there.

Lastly, you will be around when we get married.”

Sarah’s joy was lessened then, for even with gaining more freedom, she did not know exactly what her future held. Sarah thought that she might just be watching the wedding from her own prison, “Oh James will be, not me.”

Lexi laughed, “Dear, you are taking becoming Sarah very serious, but you are James.”

Lexi did not notice that Sarah's response was her actually correcting her. “I know James is me.

Speaking of my BFF, I hope her date is going great.”

Lexi was touched again by Sarah’s response. The lady whose heart would be broken if she got what she hoped for honestly wanted Cara to be having a great time, “Don’t worry she is miserable. I know she wants to be with you.”

Hearing that pronoun, you, gave Sarah hope that maybe Cara could fall in love with another woman. “Lexi it is fine if she is having a great time. I want what is best for her. After all, she is my best friend.

Now enough about her lovelife and yours. Tell me all about how the rehearsals for Grease are going. I am looking forward to seeing you in it.”

Sarah was looking forward to going to that classic musical and not only to hear her friend’s angelic voice. Sarah had a soft spot in her heart for the fashion from the 50’s. Plus it would be nice to go out with friends doing something different.

***********

While on his way up to Lexi’s apartment The Gord went into boyfriend mode. The Gord shows Lexi his good side. That was why Lexi was so understanding about never being his top priority. The Gord would treat her like she deserved if he knew how much him taking her for granted was weakening their relationship. In fact, if he knew how Lexi felt that would be a wake up call for The Gord and help him to become mature.

Before The Gord opened the door, he called his love and asked her what she was doing. Lexi did not want to tell him about Sarah, so she told him I am just at home relaxing. Goed smiled and said good I am coming over for I want to spend some time with you.

Lexi knew that she could not talk him out of it so told him she was looking forward to seeing him. As soon as she hung up the phone Lexi said, “Sarah, sorry but you need to change and leave. The Gord is on his way over. I know he would not take no for an answer when I said I was here alone. There was no way I could tell him about you. You know he is like most males and would not understand.”

Sarah started to panic and said, “I understand and do not worry. I am becoming a pro at getting the makeup off. I will be out of here within 15 minutes.”

As Sarah was making her way to the hallway, the door opened, and it was The Gord. He was a little shocked to see another lady there, Lexi said she was alone. He took a good look to see who this stranger was, and it dawned on him, it was James.

Being a little drunk and not being able to dish out any real abuse to the pledges, The Gord said in a condescending voice, “Oh I see what your plans were, hanging out with your girlfriend Jamie.

No wonder you turned down becoming my brother, you'd much rather have been a sorority sister.”

The Gord and James did get along, but Gordon did resent his friend a little. He took it personally that James turned down his invite to join Alpha Sigma Sigma. The Gord was joking, and meant no harm, but when one's jokes were demeaning to another, they were harmful. Even if they were hurtful, it did not matter to the Gord for he had to take it from others to be a frat member, so others had to take it from him to be his friend.

James declining to join was nothing personal, James just was not into being in such a social structure. He did not want others to be able to dictate to him his social schedule. He also felt that most people in a frat were followers, and he did not enjoy the company of them .

Lexi did not like how her man put Sarah down and became fearful that the situation would escalate. Lexi saw how Sarah would stand up to Lilith’s mocking and those two were closer friends. She let out some nervous laughter. Sarah did not notice that the laughter was not as robust as laughter from amusement, and took it wrong.

“Gordon, I turned down being in your frat for unlike you, I do not have to buy my friends. I do not need to be in a group to have my identity.

If wearing a dress means you want to be a sorority sister, then you do also. Remember, you were a serving wench while you were pledging.”

“That was different, I did that to show unity with my brothers. It was a joke to make me look silly. You are doing this for you enjoy to look silly.”

“I am doing this for a class.”

“Yeah, how to be the woman you are.”

Lexi let out some more nervous laughter. Sarah could not believe that inefficient putdown invoked her friend to laugh at her. Sarah went to the bathroom to get out of the makeup and said , “Really Lexi, you found what Gord said as funny? Don’t worry, I will be out of here in 15 minutes and you two can make as many lame comments about my project as you want.”

Lexi was mad at The Gord, “Honey, you should not have said those things to our friend.”

“Lexi, you know I was only joking. It is not my fault that Jamie got her panties in a bunch.”

“Still you should had quit when you saw that and apologized. What you said could have easily be taken how Sarah, I mean James, took it.”

“It gets better, James has a female name for this project. Come on quit standing up for that sissy. It does not matter how she, sorry, I meant he could had taken it. It matters how it was meant. He needs to grow some thicker skin if he is going to wear a dress and be seen by a real man like me.”

“Yeah, James has a female name for this project, so what. He wanted to do a project which was different for his Women's Study class project and has the courage to it right.

I know you did not mean anything by it, but James does not. Those comments you made weren't funny for they are mean spirited. You better apologize to James when he comes out or you will be leaving right behind him.”

The Gord did not like that Lexi was laying down the law, but knew better than to not follow her simple demand.

James came out hurt, believing his friend Lexi laughed at who he really was, and mad that The Gord thought he could demean him for being that person.

“Hey James, I am sorry if you were hurt and that you do not appreciate humor. You should lighten up, it was just a joke.”

James could never stand hearing anyone give the non-apology apology. It took away all the blame from the person giving and placed it on the person who was wronged. It was given by people who could never admit that they did anything wrong and wanted to treat others however they wanted to.

“Gordon, I am sorry that you have such low self esteem that you think it is funny to put other people down. I am sorry you think having a patsy in each pledge class is funny and the right way to treat someone else. I am sorry you are so insecure you have to mock anything which you think is different. I am sorry that you have to buy your friends. Lastly, I am sorry that you think you put your friends in front of the great woman you have.”

Hearing The Gord trying to not be responsible for the results of his bad joke, and James making sure her boyfriend knew he was not going to help The Gord save face, made Lexi give out another burst of nervous laughter. She knew that James took it wrong again.

“Wait James, stay, we need to talk. Just calm down, it was a joke, The Gord was just playing around. You two can talk this out.”

James was too stubborn to want to talk about it. He was not going to back down. “Lexi, I am out of here, see you Friday.”

“I'll call you tomorrow, we need to talk James. The Gord was just joking and you took it wrong.”

As the person who was going to stick with his principles he reiterated “See you on Friday Lexi.”



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