To be a girl

“BOOM!” Goes the snub nose revolver I test fired making my ears ring. The smell of gunpowder permutated from the gun. I never shot a revolver before, but this is the first and last day I fire one. My body was jittering as I pull back the hammer of the revolver.

I walk into my garage. I was dark and warm. A nice place to end it all. I sit down in a chair and put the revolver in my mouth. I slide my thumb in the trigger guard. I close my eyes and slowly squeeze the trigger.

“Click,” says the revolver. I take the revolver out of my mouth. I pull my legs into the fetal position and cry.

I thought I wanted to die but in the end. I don’t want to die. I have too many good things going for me to just end it all.

But, you’ll never be a real girl. You’ll always be a tranny. A delusional faggot that should be gassed like the rest.

That isn’t true. You know that isn’t true. Being a girl doesn’t always mean physically. Trouser snake or no trouser snake. You are a girl.

Listen to your thoughts! See just how delusional you are? Just end it all. Maybe you’ll be reincarnated and maybe life will be interesting again.

But, what if there isn’t reincarnation?

The risk has to be worth the reward.

How would daddy feel about it? He’ll go mental. I remember the last time I tried to do something like this. He practically begged me to stay in his room.

Fuck him. He doesn’t understand you. He just wants you because you remind him of his wife, your mother. He misses her more than he would miss you.

Maybe you’re right. Maybe it would be a good idea to end it. Maybe I should kill myself.

Yes, now you’re seeing it. Let’s take the risk. Nobody cares about you, us. We have to do what we want to do and you know what we want.

I cock the gun and put it back into my mouth. I close my eyes and take a deep breath.Tear fall as I squeeze the trigger and the world fades to black.

To be a girl.

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This story is 390 words long.