[somewhere in the US Midwest]

With a sad heart, I stood up in front of my employees. I was not looking forward to what I was about to say.

“It is with deep regret that as of 5pm today, I will no longer be the founder and CEO of this fine Company. I have been ousted by a combination of greedy Bankers, Venture Capitalists and Chinese money. Many of you know how much I have fought against this eventuality for the last six months. Ultimately, I lost and sadly so will you all. It is pretty certain that in a few months this facility will be closed down, the building stripped and production transferred to Chengdu in China.”

I took a sip of water from the glass that was on the table in front of me.

“Since I came to this part of the country, you have adopted me and welcomed me into your community as we grew this business together and in turn provided much needed employment for you all. From a very small beginning of just three people, today there are some four hundred and thirty people on the books. Many of those who knew me then saw me as just some dreamer with an idea. Some believed in me and we have through ups and downs but together we have made that gem of an idea I had into a multi-million dollar business. The fact that there has been such a battle to obtain the assets of the company is a testament to the hard work and dedication of everyone in this room tonight. I want to give my personal and heartfelt thanks to you all.”

I looked at everyone with a slight dampness in my eyes.

“So, what of the future for everyone here? Well, and because of the welcome you gave me and the hard work that you have all done in making this company such a success, I am going to setup a fund for the Education and Training of everyone here and their dependents. The sum of money in the fund will be at least Twenty Million Dollars. This is money is coming from what I will acquire as a result of the takeover and the sale of my holdings in the company. The final amount that I will put into the fund will depend upon how much of it in tax the state demands. I am in negotiations with the Governor and the IRS to minimise that sum as it is to be used to benefit the residents of the state. Anything extra I can get out of the State will do directly into the fund. The fund will be administered by local people for local people. I want anyone interested in being part of this to let me know once we have finished here today. The Mayor, the head of the Chamber of Commerce and the City District Attorney have already agreed to take part at no charge to the fund. I hope that this shows how serious I am about giving you all another chance to make something of your lives.”

I took another sip of water.

“I am really sad that it had to end this way. Those of you who know me, know how hard I have fought to keep the company out of foreign hands but alas I was unsuccessful. If there is anyone to blame for this situation then please point your finger at the former owners of our local bank. I took their advice and went public and then used them to finance the expansion of the business. In retrospect, this decision was very naïve but at the time, I really didn’t know any better. At first things went well but when they sold their loan book to some shyster Venture Capitalists from Wall St. After that things started to go wrong. It is they who got impatient and sold most of their stake to the Chinese. This was despite us earning record profits, seeing the stock price rise and an increase in the dividend paid. It was also done with no thought about the consequences to the people of this community. None of us could do anything about it. I and many others including Senators Jackson and Lovell, tried to stop this and those who know me can vouch for that and all my efforts were to no avail.”

I felt a bit of a tear welling up inside me so I went to the finale.

“All of that aside, I wish you all well and hope from the bottom of my heart that there is a decent future for each and everyone of you.”

I swallowed hard.

“Now, I am willing to answer questions as well as I possibly can and am allowed to by the lawyers.”

An hour later I left the plant for the last time and headed home. I was exhausted and in dire need of a drink.
I’d hardly got in the front door of my house when my wife Jo wrapped her arms around me and gave me a big hug.

“How did it go?”

“As well as can be expected. A sad day though. I never thought that it would come to this.”

“Life goes on my darling.”

“It does but not in the way I’d planned. I wish I’d never agreed to that bloody IPO or that fucking loan from the bank.”

“Well darling, that is all in the past and there isn’t anything you can do about it now is there?”

“But this wasn’t in the plan.”

“What about marrying me? Was that in your plan?”

I gave her a big kiss as my answer. It had been my plan from the second I saw her for the first time.

---

[Six months later]
“Daniel Appleton, you have become a slob. Just like all those folks from the trailer parks on the wrong side of the tracks,” said my wife when she returned from a Lunch with her friends.

I looked at her blankly.

“Get off your fat arse and do something. Ever since the day you got ousted, you have been wallowing in self pity.”

“I don’t know what to do. All my working life I was working to develop that idea and make it into something of value.”

“Which you did.”

“Yeah but.”

“I know. You didn’t want it to end like that. Your apathy is being noticed around town. When was the last time you had a haircut?”

I just grunted.

My darling wife stood there with her arms folded. That meant trouble.

“Well, if you won’t do anything then I will have to.”

She turned on her heels and left me to stew.

I knew that she was right. Once my pride and joy had been taken away from me, I was aimless. I had nothing to do. No reason to get up in the morning. Worse of all, I was starting to become like her father. That was not something I wanted to happen. I’d rescued my wife from him and his poker playing friends.

I went after her.

Joanne was sitting on the edge of our bed.

I sat down beside her and put my arm around her.

“You are right. I am turning into a slob just like your father. I’m lost. For the first time in my adult life I don’t know what to next.”

Joanne took my hands.

“Well that’s the first step. No more couch potato for you then eh?”

I kissed her. I knew she was right and that I’d made the right choice to date her in the first place.

Then Jo said quietly,

“You saw something in me. If you could bottle it, you would make a mint. There I was, barely earning minimum wage cleaning rooms at the Motel near the Interstate. Then you came along and took me away from that life. Life in that bloody trailer and my good for nothing father. Now years later neither of us have to work again and we are getting into a rut.”

I nodded.

“So why don’t we do something about it eh?”

“What? I’m fresh out of business ideas.”

“You remember that you said that we should see Europe one day? This is the day.”

“What then?”

“I don’t know but at least we will have something to do with ourselves.”

“What about all your friends and things?”

“Ha. They are only our friends because of you. They all went the best schools that money could buy. Me? I didn’t even get my GED. They are all from the right side of the tracks. I’m not. They are all in sororities, I’m not and never can be. I was never fooled by their fake friendship. I know their sort. Beneath their botox enhanced smiles and fake breasts and porcelain teeth, the think that I should do as my mother did for years and go back to cleaning for their families. That history is not easy to overcome. They won’t shed a tear if we just upped and left this very day. In fact, I’d go as far as saying, they would not miss either of us. After all, you don’t even play that silly thing with those little balls. Ah Golf. How much to we pay in dues to the Country Club? You only got proposed for membership because you supported Charlie Munson for DA. His family own the place so you were a shoe in. Even then there were a lot of voices raised against us because of me. Remember the people who said that I was not the right sort for ‘their club’? Well, they are still around and I heard some of them talking about it today.”

Jo was in full flight now so I just shut up.

“Then, Mary-Jo said something over lunch that got my backup and then I realised that they were humouring me and I was only there on sufferance because of you. I’m from the very wrong side of town to ever be really included in their circle of real friends. For the first time in years, I felt like a total outsider, just the hired help.”

“Then we keep hearing from Stan and Marg about their wonderful trip to Europe. Seven Days and they think they have seen it all. Pah”.

“You have been giving this a lot of thought, haven’t you?”

“You betchya I have my darling. All the way back from Lunch,” she replied with a huge grin on her face.

Then she looked me in square in the eyes.

“I love you too much to let you self destruct. So how about we hit the road jack?”

I laughed.

“Yes. Why not. Europe here we come.”

---

[nine months later in a small village somewhere in the Haute Loire Department]

“Where too next?” asked Jo.

“How about nowhere?”

“Eh?”

“I’m done with the travelling. Hotels? Most of them are the same little boxes and … they suck.”

“Yeah. And some of them aren’t all that clean,” said the voice of an expert.

“Well, you do have a bit of a penchant for ending up in very out of the way places, now don’t you?”

I looked at the love of my life.

"So we stay here then?”

She gave me a light punch on the arm.

“No. While this place is very nice but neither of us speak enough French to really integrate.”

“So we go to England then? You have been itching to go there all along, haven’t you?”

“Yes,” she replied smiling.

“Then what?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’d like to get a home. Get somewhere to act as a base. At least there they speak English.”

“Then do what exactly?”

“I don’t know but doing that will take us some time. I looked it up on the British Government web site. There are all sorts of hoops and hurdles to get over but we have more than enough money to satisfy most of them.”

I looked at her. I knew my wife better than she thought I did. She had a plan and my guess was that I was not going to like it. Still, I didn’t have a better idea at that moment so I agreed with her.

---

Three days later, I drove our car off the Channel Tunnel Shuttle and onto the M20 Motorway. I was going slowly as this was my first time driving on the left and the car we were in had the steering on the left.
It seemed inevitable that we’d end up in the UK. Jo had been born in London whole her father was in the Military and posted to the US Embassy. For some reason we didn’t fully understand, she had a right to stay. Her British Birth Certificate did have a lot to do with it though. For some reason that she never explained, she'd brough both of ours with us on our trip.

The immigration rules meant that I’d get to stay as well because I had a lot of money behind me. In other words, I would not be a burden to the state but we still had to make all the right applications but just as in the States, Money Talks and no doubt with a good deal of it going to some very expensive Lawyers we would both get to live there as long as we liked.

Since we decided to head to England, Jo and I had discussed becoming British Citizens and renouncing our allegiance to Uncle Sam. Jo was all for it but I wasn’t so sure so we put the whole thing on ice for a while. It was a big step to take.

As we headed towards London I said,

“Where too now McDuff?”

Jo laughed. She’d been introduced to the mythical McDuff on our Honeymoon when we’d flown to LA without a hotel booking in sight.

“Devon? Or Cornwall? You loved that TV series Poldark if I recall?” I offered.

Jo laughed.

“No Oxfordshire. I just love those stone cottages we see on Inspector Morse.”

“Oxfordshire it is M’Lady,” I said in my best imitation of an English Chauffeur’s voice.

That pun got me a hit on my arm.

As we slowly travelled around the M25 in the inevitable traffic jam I had time to think back to the scene that led us to start travelling in the first place. My mind was in a far better place than it was then. I still had no idea what the future had in store for us but I felt a lot less depressed and all without any needing any of anti-depressant pills my doctor in the US seemed to hand out like sweeties. I tried to remember where it was that I’d flushed the remaining ones down the toilet but failed. That didn’t bother me in the least.

---

Jo was amazed at the machinations we had to go through in order to buy a house and that was simple compared to opening a bank account. In the end, it took us five months to complete the purchase of a Cotswold Stone built cottage about 5 miles from Stow on the Wold.

Once we’d moved in, we had a great time furnishing it or rather Jo did. She was in her element. But doing things with her and for a purpose was better than any therapy. Well it isn’t called ‘retail therapy’ for nothing.

What with all the decorating and the furnishing and everything else, it was late October before we had the place straight. I’d put our home in America up for sale and thankfully that went through without problem. It was sobering to realise that we’d cut our ties with what had been our home all our married life. Jo was adamant that she did not want to go back so all was well.

Even though our new home had less than half the square footage of the old one it was quite a bit more expensive. I told her that we had to pay for character and history but I don’t think she believed it for one second but the views that we had from the new home were magnificent which more than made up for it.

---

To celebrate the end of our work on the house, Jo’s birthday and the arrival of our visas that allowed us to remain indefinitely in the UK and get a job, we went out for a meal at a local restaurant.

As we waited for the dessert to be served I asked,

“Well boss, what’s next?”

Jo smiled back at me.

“I’m going to get a job. You should too.”

“A job? What will you do?”

She grinned back at me.

“What can I do eh?”

I knew that Jo meant going back to cleaning Hotel Rooms. Talk about full circle.

“You can’t be serious? Why?”

“I am serious. Why? Because I am fed up not doing anything with my life.”

“But that is hardly doing something.”

“It is. Besides and strange as it may seem, I actually enjoyed doing it.”

Then after a pause,

“Well most of it anyway.”

I didn’t say anything more. I knew when I was beaten. Getting Jo to do anything that she didn’t like was almost an impossibility. I’d only managed it once and she never let me forget it when she got angry with me. Thankfully, those were rare occasions.

“What about you?”

“I don’t know until I start looking.”

“You need something to occupy you while you dream up your next grand plan to make more money.”

I laughed. We had more than enough money in the bank and other investments to make our lives very comfortable but neither of us wanted to ‘do nothing’. We’d had a lot of time over the past year to talk over things just like this.

“Yeah, you are right.”

It didn’t take Jo long to get a job at a Hotel in Stratford-upon-Avon. She had bought a little Ford ‘KA’ whom she christened ‘Sissy’ because it was a shocking Pink in colour. I flatly refused to be seen in a pink car. I was far more sensible in that I’d bought a 4WD Volvo XC60. Well, we did live on the side of a hill and if we had any snow her little car would not get very far at all.

She seemed in her element to be back cleaning Hotel rooms. It was there that we’d met in the first place.

For the first time in years she seemed content. That pleased me a lot.

My job searching didn’t get very far very fast so I sort of fell into the role on house-husband. Very few companies wanted someone with my resume. I wasn’t interested in being the next CEO or anything so I was obviously totally unsuitable for almost any other job. Even omitting the fact that I was CEO didn’t work very well. It would only take a simple search on Google or Bing to bring up who I was and … well the fact that I’d been a CEO and everything and walked away with a load of money made companies reluctant to employ me. I got the impression that they thought that I was scouting the place prior to a takeover. This was so far from the truth but my explanations were clearly not believed.

As a result of my failure to get a job, I began doing all the jobs around the house but didn’t relapse into being a couch potato. Instead, I took advantage of the miles and miles of public footpaths and bridleways that were right on our doorstep. I walked miles and miles. I could walk miles and miles over the countryside and not see any ‘No Trespassing’ or ‘Posted’ or worse, ‘Trespassers will be Shot’ signs in sight. It was as they say, a ‘breath of fresh air’.

I got a lot better at cooking and even ironing because Jo insisted on having a clean uniform every day. It was down to me to make sure that she went out properly dressed. We often joked at the reversal in our roles.

She’d done the same for me when I was running the company now it was my turn to do that to her.

---

Christmas was fast approaching and one day, Jo returned from work with bad news.
“I’ve got to work on the 25th and 26th. The hotel is full all over the holiday period.”

I groaned. I’d planned to have a proper Christmas Lunch on the 25th. I’d even ordered a Goose from the excellent butchers’ shop in Stow.

“Why both days?”

“I’m the new girl so I get the short straw.”

Jo saw my disappointment.

She took hold of my hand.

“Don’t worry my darling, we will have new year together. I’m off from the 30th for four days.”

“It’s not the same.”

“I know you’d planned a special meal but…”

“Its ok. I understand. How many times did I do just the same thing to you eh?”

That night we didn’t get a lot of sleep. Jo is tireless in bed and never afraid to try new things. She was determined to make amends. She did all right. Actually, she did a lot more than all right.

In the end, we decided to delay swapping Christmas presents until the new year.

---

On Christmas Day, Jo returned from work tired out. It was all she could do to eat something before crashing out on our bed still fully clothed.

I took Jo to work the following day despite her protestations. As it was Boxing Day, I went on into Birmingham and did some shopping. Well, window shopping as apart from my Lunch and Parking, I didn’t spend anything.

It didn’t take Jo long to fall asleep on the journey home so I just put her to bed and went with her.

---

New Year came and Jo had four whole days off. I prepared the Goose and made a proper dinner for the two of us. When we’d cleared up, it was time to open our presents.

“You go first,” I said.

Jo smiled and opened my main present. This was a new waterproof jacket for outdoors. She’d been coming on some of my walks on her days off but her current waterproofs were just not up to scratch. I’d also bought her some waterproof trousers and some handmade woollen socks that were made on a farm just a few miles away from where we lived.

Then it was my turn.

“This one first,” said Jo with a devilish grin on her face.

From the feel, it was obviously some sort of clothing.

I opened it and got the shock of my life. It was a dress. Not just any dress but one just like the one she wore to work every day.

I looked at her for some explanation.

“Well,” she said grinning like a Cheshire cat,

“As you are the housekeeper then I thought it might be nice for you to dress as one.”

My mouth fell open in amazement.

Then she gave another present. From the shape and size of it, I knew that it was a shoe box.

My heart sank. I knew what was coming.

Yep, sure enough inside there was a pair of women’s shoes but in my size.

“But…”

“There’s more,” she said with a huge grin on her face.

Very soon, I was surrounded by a whole outfit. An outfit for me to wear around the house.

“You have gotta be kidding,” I said when I opened the last package.

It contained a pair of false breasts.

“You really have gotta be kidding!”

Jo just sat there grinning like a Cheshire cat waiting for me to do something.

[Continued in Part 2]

[authors note]

This story has been bouncing around in my brain for some considerable time now. It is a little more out there in some respects than my normal fare. I hope that it comes across as a love story between the two main characters but it is meant to be quite light-hearted. They aren’t boring types by any means as later parts will show. Please give it a chance and hey it might even grow on you. If there are any factual errors then please give me a little leeway as the author especially when it comes to UK Immigration Laws.

I originally called this tale “You Gotta Be Joking” but the name of an old 10cc song “The Things we do for Love” recently came to mind and is strangely far more apt. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Things_We_Do_for_Love_(song)

Samantha.