Barbie's Doll ~ Part 10

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What lengths would you go to, to help a pretty girl struggling with her past? Especially, if you knew there was the potential to be more than ‘just friends’?



 

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Barbie’s Doll

The Cotton Candy Wars

By Shauna

Copyright© 2017 Shauna
All Rights Reserved.
(All image originals sourced from Creative Commons)


Part Ten

She breaks the kiss and I sit there out of breath. When I finally catch it, I stutter, “B…b…but… Why? When? What…?

She giggles, “Look, Jacie. Let’s stick with that, for now, OK?”

I nod.

What? What the hell do I know, right now? I think someone threw me out the hatch into space. I’m still trying to breathe. My innermost dream just came true—Jillie and I kissed. And it seems she wants me to keep doing so.

I wonder if all these pink Tribbles out here with me have little space suits on—or if they don’t actually need to breathe?

Jillie pulls me back to reality, “I think I’ve always known that we were meant to be together, but you shut everyone out and, somehow, I knew I had to give you space. When all of this came about—then things with Greg fell apart—it was too late again. You had your heart set on Barbs and I wasn’t going to mess with that.”

She kisses me again and my toes curl.

She breaks the kiss, “That’s why I was—am—so furious with her, right now. She hurt you!”

I shake my head and say, “No, Jillie. Like you, I’ve always wanted you. I wouldn’t have even looked at Barbie if you hadn’t been with Greg. My world fell apart when you started dating him. I just sort of gave up. Am I glad that I did what I did for Barbs? Of course! But, this is so much better!”

She kisses me again and my toes curl again—I also feel a stirring…down under and squirm a little.

I say, “But, you mean you’re OK with…whatever I am?”

She smiles and says, “Look, Hon—I am in love with you. I don’t care which part of James Tiberius Amanda Christine Jacie Alexander you wind up being—or if it’s all of them. I agree with Barbs on one thing, though; unless you decide on one, I’m sticking with Jacie. It’s just easier!”

She kisses me again. My toes curl and I feel all gooey and funny inside. The pink Tribbles are purring so loudly, I can barely hear. I feel all warm and snuggly.

I look up at Jillie when I open my eyes and she’s giving me a strange look but has a grin on her face.

She sighs, “Look, I would love nothing more than to keep this up—but we need to get you cleaned up and go downstairs. I think we have some talking to do with both our Moms—since both our Dads are out of town.”

I sigh. I know she’s right. “We should also probably let Barbs know… I know she feels really bad, right now.”

What? If it wasn’t for her, then Jillie and Greg would probably still be together! And I would still be a loner with no friends.

Jillie giggles, “Yeah. I should still be mad at her, but, right now, I feel like I’m floating on clouds!”

I picture us on pink cotton candy clouds, surrounded by pink Tribbles, and it’s raining pink goo onto the pink panther down below. I suddenly have a fit of the giggles.

Jillie just looks at me in exasperation. I shrug and giggle some more, “Sorry. I couldn’t explain it if I tried!”

I wash my face and redo my makeup in my normal ‘simple’ look. Jillie helps me take out the extensions and I leave out the contacts—thankfully I have a container and drops in my purse for them. When I finish brushing out my hair, I am back in normal Chrissie-mode—except for the twinkling studs in my ears and the gold balls right behind them.

With that reminder, I call Barbs. She answers and hesitantly says, “Hi, Jacie. Are you mad at me? You don’t have to…”

I cut her off and say, “Barbs, I’m not mad at you—we’re not mad at you—Jillie’s with me right now. Well, I guess, technically, I’m with Jillie. Anyway, the point is—we’re together!”

There is silence on the other end and then the light bulb seems to go on and she lets out a little scream, “O!M!G! Like together, together?”

Jillie says, “Yes, Barbs. We’ve both wanted it forever and were both too stupid to do anything about it. I was very mad at you earlier tonight—but, all I can do is thank you from the bottom of my heart, right now!”

I hear sniffling on the other end and she says, “I still feel terrible about how it all happened!”

Jillie says, “Look, we’ll talk about it later. I’m sure Mitsi’s Mom will have a hay-day with you two over it. Right now, we need to concentrate on getting you comfortable with Chris. I actually have a good feeling about that.”

There is a gasp on the other end, “You do?”

Jillie nods and says, “Yep! We have to run now, Hon. We’ll talk tomorrow, OK? We’re good, right?”

Barbs says, “Oh, I hope so! I love you both! Hugs! Until tomorrow!”

I hang up and we swim through the Tribble-laden clouds to the door and slide down the pink-goo falls cascading down the stairs to the kitchen.

Jillie says, “Mom, Jacie and I have something to tell you. Do you think that we could invite Mrs. Alexander over for dinner? We only had drinks at the mall and I’m starved!”

She gives us a funny look and says, “Sure. If she’s game.”

A quick call has Mom over in about ten minutes and while we’re waiting on the pizza to be delivered, Jillie says, “Well, Mom, Mrs. Alexander…” She looks at me and takes my hand, “James Tiberius Amanda Christine Jacie Alexander and I are officially a couple.” She giggles.

Both our moms exclaim in unison, “Well! It’s about time!


The next day at school is a swirling mix of varied emotions and phaser settings. It starts when Jillie and I get on the bus holding hands and sitting together—like, really close together. I think Freddie Fender is going to have a stroke when he sees us together—and it’s obvious we’re ‘together’.

But, when we get off the bus and the jocks—Greg out in front—see us holding hands, we’re in serious need of the Organians! He splutters and spouts off about how I’m going to regret being alive.

I seriously miss my cloaking device, right now. Jillie just puts her nose in the air—as do the other Circle members—and we walk right on by the sputtering Greg. I’m surprised to see Barbs acting exactly the same as the other girls. I just keep checking to see if I can maybe somehow get my cloaking device working again.

When we get inside, we go into a side hall and spend the ten minutes before first bell catching up on what happened after the groups split up at the mall. Of course, Mitsi had caught Jillie and me up on her hooking up with Sam—on a trial basis—after she breaks all the windows with her screaming when she realizes that Jillie and I are finally together. I think there’s a new hashtag on social media, right now: ‘#It’sAboutTime!’ It’s permanently etched into my eardrum after she screams it! The bus driver just gives her a harsh look before closing the door and driving off.

Anyway, we all get caught up. Sara and Fred are going to give it a go, too. So, when they find out about the post-study-session plans with Chris and Barbs, it becomes a big group-thing.

When we’re walking to class, I sigh to Jillie, though, “Now, I’ll have to Jacie-up. I wasn’t planning on that tonight. This is going to get complicated.”

Jillie looks at me and says, “Why? You don’t have to go as Jacie—or Chrissie—or even Jimmy, for that matter. You can go however you want.”

I shake my head, “No, I can’t. I mean, can I? Well, no—I would either have to go as full-on Chrissie or Jacie or as full-on Jimmy. So, comfortable Jimmy is out. The guys don’t know about me…and I don’t trust them enough for them to know. I mean, the girls are just hooking up with them and don’t know them, either. And, even if they did, they thought they knew the jocks, too. I mean, you thought you knew Greg—you went out with him for two years.”

She sighs as we walk into the classroom and says, “To be continued…”

I nod and go take my seat across the room.

What? Yeah! Assigned seats suck!

I can barely pay attention to what’s going on in class. Just last week, I was struggling with going out dressed as a girl—which I was, at first, only doing to help Barbs, then because I found myself liking it. At least I had an excuse at that point—even though I acted like I was resisting. Honestly, deep down, I liked—no, like—it. But now, I don’t have an excuse…

The bell rings and I shake my head as I file out of the room with the rest. Jillie is waiting outside the door with Sara, Mitsi and Barbs. They all sit on the side of the room by the door, so they are always out first. We walk to our next class and Jillie giggles, “Earth to Jimmy! I think it was a good thing I was taking notes?”

I sigh and nod, “Yeah, I couldn’t concentrate. I don’t know what to do about tonight. I’m about to decide it may be better for me to just stay at home.”

Jillie pouts, “You don’t want to go out with me?”

I sigh, “I want nothing more, but…”

Barbs asks, “But, what? Jimmy—it actually feels good to be able to say that without falling in the floor in terror—you have helped me come out of my shell. At least as far as I am able to, up to now. Now, it’s time for me—and the rest of us—to help you. Do you want to come as Jacie?”

I sigh and put up token resistance.

What? The Borg? Where?!?!?

“It’s not that simple, …”

Barbs cuts me off, “Sure it is, Hon. If you want to come with us as Jacie, then all you have to do is come with us as Jacie.”

I hurriedly look around and sigh—there is no one else around.

I retort, “Let’s say, for argument’s sake that’s what I want to do—how would Jillie and I be a couple?”

Jillie says, “You know that doesn’t…”

I shake my head, “Not because of that, Jillie. If we’re a couple as Jacie and Jillie, then how would we be a couple here at school as Jimmy and Jillie? It wouldn’t work—not without the guys knowing.”

It finally begins to sink into their heads.

I put up my best shields, but I see that Borg cube down the hall and they’re just beaming right through them.

I sigh and shake my head, “We need to get to class!”

What? I can tell them later. I just don’t know how—or what it means…

And so the day goes—class after class with after-class discussion after each one. Only, we’re not getting anywhere. I honestly don’t have a solution to my problem, outside of telling the guys about Chrissie/Jacie—or going as Jimmy.

My other big problems are my ears and my hair. I had spent half-an-hour in front of the mirror this morning putting my hair into a ponytail, which showed my ears and the double studs in them. I would then sigh and take the ponytail down, which would hide the earrings but showed off my more girly hair. I would sigh, rinse and repeat.

Finally, I just left my hair down and decided to hope for the best—it seemed easier to explain than the double-piercings. It also helped tone down my shaped eyebrows.

What? No! I didn’t use makeup on them. But they are still shaped.

To my surprise, no one really says anything—well, other than the jocks that are giving me shit, anyway.

All of this just serves to confuse me even more. I hear the Borg voices in my head, ‘Resistance is futile.’

Finally, at the end of the day, Mitsi comes up with a solution—at least an interim one for tonight. She okays it with her Mom for all of us to just come together in their pool/guest house for pizza.

What? I didn’t say anything about them being loaded? Well, her Mom is a shrink, after all—and her Dad a renowned surgeon. So, yeah. They’re loaded.

Jillie and I—as Jacie—will show up and I will just have to be careful. At least until we can get a read on these guys.


We all meet at my house for our after-school study session, then everyone breaks away to go home and get ready for the impromptu small party. Of course, it won’t go late, since it’s a school night.

Jillie actually doesn’t go home; she had brought her stuff over and we get ready together.

What? No, I don’t get to see her naked! What do you think I am? Some sort of pervert?

What? O!M!G! Of course, I want to see her naked! Wouldn’t you?

Anyway, I do get to see her in a pair of the thong panties I gave her for Christmas and I feel a strange stirring in my own panties.

Jillie insists that I put on my skinny jeans that just go to my ankle, a pink sweater, and my four-inch heels. She dresses similarly, including heels, so I can’t grumble—too much.

Then she helps me put in my hair extensions and ‘suggests’ that I do more sophisticated makeup than I normally do—for an evening/party look. She helps me do the contouring and blended smoky-eye look, after I put in my contacts.

Of course, my glasses hide a lot of the work. Overall, even I have to admit that the look is hot—especially when she does a similar one of her own.

When we are both done, she gives me a toe-curling kiss—this time, we’re both standing and my foot does pop.

What? You mean you’ve never seen ‘The Princess Diaries’? Really?

What? Yeah, it’s a girly thing to do. Seeing as how I am wearing four-inch stilettos and enough makeup to cover every square millimeter of my face, I think that’s OK.

Err…right?

Anyway, my foot pops and I stand there as we kiss. I feel that strange stirring in my panties again and the pink Tribbles are popping out my ears, they are multiplying so fast.

She breaks the kiss and we fix our lipstick. We go downstairs—once again riding the cascades of pink goo to the kitchen—and find Mom, who’s going to drive us to Mitsi’s.

She smiles at us, “You girls look very nice! Actually, no, you look hot. It’s a good thing you’re together now!”

I blush and she continues, “Just remember, Jacie, that biologically you’re a boy and Jill is a girl and that boy plus girl equals baby under the wrong circumstances.”

I exclaim, “Mom!”

She shakes her head and says, “Look, I’m serious. Betty and I talked and we both agree that we’re not going to change the way we treat you. We trust you—even when you’re here, or over there, alone. We also know that you likely will…experiment. I also know that you’re on the pill, Jill—but that doesn’t always give you total protection.”

Mom!” I think I’m going to die!

She smiles, “I also know your Momma had this talk with you—she told me.” She winks at Jillie, “This is for Jacie’s benefit.”

I think I’m going to most certainly die on the spot. The Tribbles are shriveling up and are getting sucked out the hatch—until Jillie closes it with a giggle and a toe-curling kiss.

Mom giggles, “OK! Come on! Let’s go before I have to call the police!”

She drops us off at Mitsi’s house—after we get a passport, visa, and United Federation of Planets’ approval to get through their gate.

What? I think I mentioned they’re loaded—and their security is tight! I mean there are red-shirts all over the place.

What? Well, OK—not really. But there could be!

Anyway, Mom drops us off at the front door after using warp six to get us up the drive it is so far, and we both get out. We go up the massive steps to the even larger front door—a shuttle hanger door comes to mind—and Mom drives off. Jillie gives me another toe-curling, foot-popping kiss and pink Tribbles cascade down the steps and the drive after her—but she is already at warp six again to get back into our galaxy before she dies of old age.

Jillie fixes my lipstick with her finger and I inspect hers. We each add a coat of lip gloss and she rings the doorbell.

Dr. Myers—as in Mitsi’s Mom, not her Dad—answers the door and smiles at me, “Hello, Jacie. Hi, Jill. Come on in before you freeze to death out there!”

We follow her into the shuttle hanger—err, hallway—and she takes our coats. Jill, of course, has been here before, but it’s my first time, and I’m having a hard time keeping my jaw up where it belongs. It keeps wanting to fall on the highly-polished marble floor.

Dr. Myers looks at us and says, “So, Mitsi tells me that you two are now the item—and Barbara is interested in Christopher Hines? I can’t keep up with you kids! But, I don’t want to seem like I have you in a session. I only caution you that Barbara is still fragile and so I actually think it’s a good thing that you all are meeting here tonight. Don’t hesitate to call me if need be. Mitsi, of course, knows to as well.”

I go between blushing and nodding and not knowing what to say. Jillie just smiles, “OK, Dr. M. As for Jacie and I; well, we’ve known each other our whole lives—well, Jimmy and I have—and were just too stupid to know what we really had with each other. This whole situation made it clear to us—or, at least clear enough that we acted on it. I’m sure James Tiberius Amanda Christine Jacie, here, will tell you all about it in your next session.”

She actually giggles, “Yes, I’m looking forward to that. Hopefully, we can settle on one of those names, though! Anyway, the girls are in the guest house. The boys aren’t here just yet. Something about having to load their van. I’m not sure what that means, though?”

I shrug, “I’m not sure, Dr. Myers. I mean, they have a band and I think they have a van they use for that. Maybe they plan on playing something tonight?”

She smiles, “Oh? A band? Hmmm… Well, then. We’ll see how it all plays out!”

I do a double-take. Did she just make a pun?

I check around for Romulans—maybe she is drinking some of their ale?

Jillie gets it, too—and groans, “OK, then, Dr. M. I think we’ll go out there before you really get started!”

She pulls me through the shuttle hanger—err, hallway—to the bridge and then we go out a hatch to the rec hall…

What? The house is as big as the Enterprise! I mean really! I’m sure of it!

As we are hurrying to the pool house, since we left our coats in the house, Jillie asks, “Is she like that in your sessions? She can get pretty corny, but she’s a pretty cool Mom.”

I shiver and say, “Not really. I guess she has to be more ‘professional’ in her sessions?”

Jillie nods and gives me another kiss before we go into the little building that serves as the Myers’ pool and guest house. It’s about the size of a ‘normal’ house.

What? Well, it seems like it! I guess it’s actually about the size of a small cottage. There is plenty of room, that’s for sure.

As we enter, Mitsi comes over and gives us a hug, then rubs our arms to warm them up. Sara, Kate, and Barbs then hug us, too.

Barbs smiles and says, “I’m glad you could both come! I still feel terrible about…”

I shake my head and cut her off, “Don’t, Barbie, I already told you we’re good. Yes, I was hurt at first. Please don’t take this the wrong way, but I got just what I’ve always wanted with Jillie. I just didn’t ever think it was an option. You made it possible, so—thank you. The jury is still out on the whole ‘Chrissie-Jacie’ thing, but I’m happy that it’s out in the open and not locked away in some far corner of my mind. I actually have friends now—and that is thanks to you.”

She blushes, “OK. If you’re sure?”

I nod and she looks at Jillie, “And us?”

Jillie goes over and hugs her, “Yes, I was furious with you—but I agree with Jacie. You were just the catalyst we needed to get our chemistry reacting in the right direction.”

Barbs blushes again and reaches into her pocket. She pulls out the locket I gave her for Christmas and holds it out to Jillie and says quietly, “I think this is more appropriate for you to have.”

Jillie looks shocked and I say, “Barbie, I gave that to you and it was meant for you. We are still friends—no; more like you’re my sister. Please keep it—and wear it. I mean that.”

Jillie nods and takes it from her hand—just to fasten it back around Barbie’s neck with a hug. Barbs comes over and gives me a tight hug and whispers in my ear, “You still are my doll, Jacie. I know you and Jill belong together—I can just feel it!”

I hug her back and smile in her hair. We break the hug and there is a knock on the door.

Mitsi opens it and the guys come in—loaded down with instruments. Sam puts down his portable keyboard and gives her a hug and she gives him a quick kiss on the cheek. The procedure is repeated with Sara and Fred after he lets go of the cart that holds his drums.

Chris puts down his guitar case and the amp he has on a roller cart and looks at Barbs, who is suddenly very shy and insecure.

I sigh and go over to her, “Barbs, come on. We’ll give Chris a group hug. How is that? Come on, Jillie, you get in on this, too!”

Jillie comes over and I motion for Chris to come over. Barbs stiffens, but joins in on the hug and relaxes after a few seconds. Jillie breaks out of the hug and I wait a couple of seconds and follow suit. Barbs looks shocked when she is standing there alone in an embrace with Chris. But, the shock isn’t one of fear—I think she is surprised at herself for maintaining the hug.

At that moment, there is another knock on the door and Kate smiles. She opens it and gives a cute guy a kiss and a hug. She says, “Everyone, I’d like you to meet John Uptain. We’re ummm, well, we’ve sort of hooked up. He goes to St. James.”

What? Oh, St. James? St. James Academy is the parochial private school that the rich and famous go to. After seeing this place, I’m surprised that Mitsi doesn’t go.

As it turns out, John only lives a few houses over. Of course, in this neighborhood, that has to be several miles away with the lot sizes. They have to be about a parsec apart, each.

While we’re getting to know John, I can’t help but notice that Chris is holding Barbie’s hand—and she’s letting him. I smile. Now to just keep increasing the distance of the ‘chaperones’. If Chris does anything to hurt her, though, there isn’t a shield in the Federation that will protect him.

The band members quickly break away from ‘their’ girls and start setting up. John is surprised and says, “I didn’t know we were supposed to bring our instruments!”

Chris looks at him, intrigued, “You play?”

John nods, “Bass guitar, and a few other things…”

Chris looks at Sam. Sam sighs, “Sure! Always the keyboarder because we are the quickest to set up. I’ll be right back.”

Before anyone knows what’s happening, Sam is back out the door. Chris just smiles, “We just mess around a bit. We have a gig or two set up in some local dives. We’re not into making a lot just yet, but our name is getting out there.”

John raises his eyebrows, “Name?”

Chris shrugs, “P.S.T.K.”

John’s brows go higher, “You’re P.S.T.K.? ”

At that moment, Sam comes back in, his breath visibly swirling around his head in the cold. He hands John a guitar case and rubs his hands together to warm them.

Chris grins, “Let’s see what you’ve got! Johnny be good!

John groans and opens the case to take out a bass guitar. He smiles and hooks it into the amplifier that Sam had also pulled behind him. He starts tuning it by ear and asks, “So, I’ve always wondered… P.S.T.K.?”

Fred laughs, “‘Phasers Set To Kill’, of course. It came to us when we would watch the hot girls kill people with their phaser-looks at school.”

John laughs, as do the rest of us that had no idea what it stood for, either. It is a pretty closely guarded secret. Chris says so, “Please keep that to yourselves, though. We just let you in on one of our biggest secrets—it drives people crazy not knowing and it helps with our marketing.”

I smile—Chris must be pretty serious about this working out if he is willing to let us in on the secret.

Fred sits down at his drums and starts tapping out a beat with his sticks and the actual band members start playing ‘Titanium’. John quickly joins in with a basic bass line.

We all start singing and then everyone comes to a complete stop when Barbs starts really belting out in a voice that is worthy of the opera.

We all look at her and she blushes, “Too much?”

Chris shakes his head and Fred counts them in again. This time Barbs measures her voice, but still takes the lead. The rest of us not playing just sort of back her up.

When we are done, we all laugh and giggle. It takes us a moment to realize there is clapping in the background. Dr. Myers and the pizza guy are standing there. Dr. Myers says, “Wow! That was perfect! Do another!”

The pizza guy is nodding.

Chris looks at Barbs and shrugs, “How do you feel about ‘Thunder’?”

She smiles, “Sure.”

And Fred counts us in. We have some fun and do all kinds of crazy stuff in the background—playing like old-fashioned backup singers.

What? You know things like, we ‘boop’ and we ‘bop’.

We’re all laughing at the end, again. Dr. M. and the pizza guy clap enthusiastically and then give us two thumbs up as they leave us to eat our pizza.

I look over at Barbs as I take a slice and see her close to Chris and pretty relaxed. This seems to be working.

Oh? Did I mention it’s like a total blast, too? Especially, when Jillie and I sneak a few toe-curling, foot-popping kisses in one of the bedrooms away from everyone.


I yawn. We weren’t out really late last night, but it was still almost eleven by the time I got to bed. Then it took a while for my brain to shut down enough for me to get to sleep.

The dreams I had after that were very nice, though. My toes were permanently curled and my foot was in a perpetual pop. Pink Tribbles were everywhere.

I yawn again and get in the shower. I check—the water isn’t pink, so I guess I’m awake.

Well, sort of.

I get ready and go down to eat my frozen waffle, then go out to the bus stop. Jillie is already waiting and gives me a toe-curling kiss just as the bus arrives. Of course, we just ignore the kissy sounds that everyone is making as we go back to the Circle’s staked out territory on the bus. Freddy Fender seems to be chasing his eyeballs down the aisle—otherwise it’s a normal morning. Well, the new normal for me, anyway.

What? I’m still not used to having friends—let alone finally being together with Jillie.

Jillie, Mitsi, Kate, and I all giggle about our antics last night. I, once again, have to wonder about Mitsi—she rides the bus and goes to a normal school. She is the first one on the bus in the morning and the last one off in the afternoon, since that is where the route starts and stops. For a loaded family, she sure isn’t being spoiled.

We get off when we get to school and go meet up with Barbs and Sara. There is a fair amount of laughing and giggling as we talk about last night. Then Chris, Fred, and Sam join us and we all walk in. As we’re going up the steps, Chris says, “Jimmy! You missed an awesome party last night, Bro! You should’ve come with your cousin.”

I sigh and give him my prepared answer, “Sorry, my Dad’s out of town and I had to help Mom with some stuff. I wanted to come and be with Jillie. Maybe next time.”

He gives me a funny look, then looks harder at me—and smiles. He says, “Yeah. You should do that! We’re going to all get together again this weekend to play together again. I’m trying to get the girls to join the band as singers—and Johnny Uptain, too, as a bass player.”

I shrug and act like I don’t know what he’s talking about, “Yeah, Jillie said you had fun. Sorry I missed it all!”

We split apart when we’re inside and I can’t help but notice the quick kiss Barbs gives Chris on the cheek. She certainly is doing better after last night.

The first classes go by fairly quickly. And then it’s study hall—and my Tuesday meeting time with Gina McMasters. Mrs. Blackburn and Nurse Felix both agreed to the meeting, which we will have in a side room of the Nurse’s Station.

What? My cover? Well, it seems I have this ‘rare genetic disease’ that requires me to have weekly treatments in the nurse’s office.

What? Yeah, lame, I know. It could have at least been something cool, like I got bit by radioactive spider, or something…

Anyway, I go to the Nurse’s Station and Nurse Felix leads me to one of the side rooms where Gina is already waiting. She gets up and gives me a hug, “Hi, Jimmy—or do you prefer Chrissie or Jacie?”

I sigh, “Whatever works for you, Doc. Although, in school I am definitely ‘Jimmy’.”

She nods and says, “OK, ‘Jimmy’ it is. You certainly look different in that boy’s uniform—although, there are certain feminine overtones. I can tell you’re wearing eye makeup, your hair is certainly on the feminine side, and are those double-piercings in your ears now? Those certainly send mixed messages to those that are paying attention. Is that your intention?”

I sigh, “To be honest, Gina, I have no idea. I just know that I feel better with the eye makeup—my eyes look…boring…without it. I like my hair longer. I think both make me look…better. As for the earrings… Well, that was a sort of spur-of-the-moment decision that I love when in Chrissie/Jacie mode. It does cause me consternation when in Jimmy mode, though, because I can’t really put my hair in a ponytail without flagging the piercings—at least until they heal and I can take out the back ones and put in less feminine ones in front—if any—during the day.”

She nods, “So, you’re ashamed of them?”

I shake my head—shocked at the question. “No, not ashamed. Confused, yes. Also, I just am not ready for questions that I don’t have answers to. The jocks have already noticed and are starting to cause me problems—I have to figure it all out and don’t really know where to go with it all.”

She nods, “OK, I understand. I have also noticed that you’re talking more like a girl—not just your tone and pitch, but also your vocabulary. Speaking of tone and pitch—that seems to be your natural tenor. You are also not developed in other areas that I would expect. So, it doesn’t appear that you have actually started puberty. Is that a fair assessment?”

I blush and nod.

She smiles, “It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I do want to get a blood sample and run some tests. Tabatha—Nurse Felix—will get that for me before you leave. But, let me ask you this.” She looks at me intently and asks, “How do you feel about the fact that you could start puberty any day and start developing as a boy—into a man. Does that thought bother you?”

I blanche.

What? I hadn’t thought about that. About what it would—could—mean. The Tribbles tremble.

I sigh and stutter, “I…I…I don’t really know. I mean…” I shake my head, “I don’t know, Gina. I’m so confused!”

She pats my hand, “It’s OK, Hon. That’s why we’re talking. I know you’re confused. The thing is, you’re also obviously conflicted. If you weren’t, then you would come right out on one side or the other—either, a firm affirmation that it would bother you, or a firm denial that it wouldn’t. Does that make sense? We do have to figure out the best course for you.”

She waits for my nod and continues, “So, my next question is this.” She looks at me intently again, like she is looking into my soul, “Depending on what the blood tests say—if everything is normal and you’re just a late bloomer—do you want to delay it further to figure this out? Or just let nature run its course?”

She shakes her head when I start to answer, “Don’t answer me right now. Just think about it. A week one way or the other is not going to matter—even if you were to start puberty right this moment. We’ll talk about it more next week, OK?”

I sigh and feel like I’m drowning in Klingons, Romulans, and the Borg. I nod.

Then I blush so profusely that I burn the pile of Klingons and other villains on me at her next question, “Jimmy, do you masturbate or fantasize about sex? Or, have you ever actually had it, maybe? Remember, I can’t tell anyone.”

I watch the villains hopping around in pain with their third degree burns, howling their curses. I am pretty sure they are going to throw me out the hatch without a suit.

I look back at her, “Ummm… No, I don’t masturbate. No, I haven’t had sex. Yes, I fantasize. I guess you could call it that. When Jillie kisses me, I get this…warm…feeling and feel…good. I even get my panties a little wet. I had…nice…dreams about her last night and my pajama bottoms were damp this morning. Is that what you want to know?”

She smiles and nods, “And when you get ‘damp’, is it sticky or just sort of wet? Like, does it dry kind of crusty?”

I shrug, “It’s just wet, I guess. Does that mean something?”

She smiles, “It just gives me a better idea of your development down there. You’re obviously mentally going through a development, but not so much physically, yet. It tells me that you’re close to starting and that we need to figure some things out quickly. Just think about what you want for the short term for next week. OK? I won’t see you on Saturday, but you can let Rita know if you come to a decision by then—or ask her questions, too.”

I nod and she says, “OK, Jimmy, your next class is going to start in a bit and I need to let Tabatha take your blood. I will see you next Tuesday, OK?”

I nod and she gives me a hug and leaves the room while Nurse Felix comes in to take a two-liter bottle of blood. She needs an anti-grav unit to cart it out of the room when she’s done.

What? Well, no. Not really, but it sure feels like it.

Oh, it’s not pink—in case you were wondering.

I don’t get much time to talk to Jillie about the session during the rest of school, so we sit in her kitchen after our study session when we are alone again, after the rest of the Circle has left. Both our Moms are working late and both our Dads are out of town, again. We have ordered some take-out Chinese to be delivered and are waiting for it to arrive.

Jillie looks at me in deep thought, “So, she is looking into your hormonal status? OK, but what do you think you will answer her about her question?”

I sigh, “I don’t know, Jillie. I was hoping you could give me a little idea about what your thoughts are. I mean, assuming that we were to stay together, which I most certainly want.”

She shakes her head.

I feel the Tribbles dying.

She says, “Of course, I want to stay together, too, idiot! But, it’s your decision what happens to your body. I told you, I love any or all of your…characters… Those are just external apparitions of your real spirit—the real you.”

I sigh and hold my thought as she takes the money her Mom had left for us and goes to pay for the food that has just arrived. She comes back in and we open our boxes so that we can share.

I look at her as I chew a piece of broccoli from her ‘beef and broccoli’. I swallow it and ask, “But let’s just say, for arguments sake, that I would decide to go with Chrissie or Jacie. Then ‘me’ would become more girly—I would have to. Gina already commented that I am talking more like a girl, as it is. You’re saying you would be OK being in a committed lesbian relationship?”

She swallows her bite of my ‘cashew chicken’ and says, “If it’s you, I don’t care. How many times do I have to say that?”

I look around and there are these strange orange flowers everywhere—and I am suddenly covered in these…spores. All I can think about is Jillie at that moment. Then, I’m covered in pink Tribbles and feel all warm and…gooey…inside.

I smile at her and say, “I love you, Jillie Holiday. You know that, right? I think I always have.”

She smiles back and takes another piece of my ‘cashew chicken’ with her chopsticks and pokes it in her mouth. She suddenly looks me seriously in the eyes and says, “I love you, too, James Tiberius Amanda Christine Jacie Alexander. I know I always have. So, get used to it. You’re stuck with me forever, now!”

I feel a stirring below and my panties get wet. I squirm a little in my seat and she winks at me, “I’m wet, too. Let’s finish eating and go make out on the couch!”

What? Nope! No more details—other than…

Nope! Not even that!

O!M!G!!!! No!


I wake up and smile. I had the most wonderful dreams last night—they are even better after making out with Jillie.

What? No! I told you! I’m not talking about that!

Just to be clear, though—it’s Saturday and I’ve made out with her every evening after study group.

What? Why do you keep asking? I’m not giving the details! Why can’t you just be happy for me?

Oh! If you find out what these weird orange flowers are that are suddenly everywhere, let me know? Ever since Jillie took me to that field—I could have sworn I heard Spock laughing in the distance—I can’t stop thinking about her.

What? O!M!G! Details? Sure. She’s sweet and cuddly and like a huge, warm, pink Tribble… And, that’s all you need to know!

Anyway, I need to get ready for my joint session with Barbs, then my individual one with Dr. M.

Mom drops me off at the medical building and I go to the eleventh floor and say hi to Jeannette. She compliments me on my outfit—I’m in between Chrissie and Jacie. I have the pink hair extensions in and the colored contacts, but not the glasses. I also am wearing my bra and inserts. My hair is down, but pinned back on the left side with a bejeweled barrette, showing off my double-pierced ear. My bangs are hanging down loosely over my right eye—I’m finally getting more used to them. The whole look is very feminine, to be honest—and I love it.

What? So, sue me!

What? A guy? Sure…

Err…right?

Anyway, I go in and hug both Barbs and Dr. M.

Both seem a bit surprised at how I am presenting and I just shrug and smile, “This just seemed like ‘me’, today. Jillie certainly liked it, too. I didn’t think she was going to let me go!”

Barbs giggles and Dr. M. winks.

Dr. M. says, “OK, Barbie and Jacie, I think today will be your last joint session. Based on the progress Barbie has made over the past week, I think there is not a real need for it. I am, however, not releasing either of you from your individual sessions. You both need those. Now, maybe more than ever. You’re both very vulnerable in your current states—but congratulations to you both for graduating to the next stage of support. And I mean that! You have both made significant progress!”

I giggle, “And I didn’t even know I needed it!”

Barbs giggles and Dr. M. laughs and says, “Well, I think most everyone can use some level of ‘support’.” She winks.

I nod and Barbs hugs us both and leaves Dr. M. and me a little early so we can talk.

Dr. M. looks at me in a serious manner and says, “OK,…? I’m not sure who I’m talking to today?”

I giggle, “I think you and I both know that whatever the name, it’s still just little-ole-me. But, I’ve come to an agreement with Jillie and Barbs that, for now, Jacie seems easiest when I’m not full-on in some other ‘mode’. I even confuse myself!”

She laughs, “OK, Jacie, then. And, like I just told Barbie—especially after Monday night—I think it’s time for you to just call me Rita. I know you’re calling Dr. McMasters ‘Gina’ and you are one of my daughter’s best friends—sister, actually. I don’t usually extend the courtesy to many patients, so please accept it in the vein it’s intended. I value your friendship to our family.”

I feel the Tribbles take over the whole eleventh floor.

I sigh and then smile, “OK, Rita. I have to say that you are now the third adult that has offered me that privilege in the past couple of weeks and my Mom is having kittens over it. I completely understand the honor you are bestowing on me and I thank you for your trust and will do my best to be worthy of it. I can’t promise that I won’t slip up and call you Dr. Myers—or Dr. M., though.” I giggle, “But, won’t it be awkward around the others in the Circle? I don’t think I trust myself to try and parse that out.”

She laughs, “That’s an excellent point, Jacie! And, don’t worry. I plan on extending the offer to the entire Circle—maybe even the band, if they seem worthy.”

I smile, “That was fun, wasn’t it?”

She nods, “And you were all really good together. But, enough of that. How are you doing, Jacie?”

I sigh. The pile of Tribbles contracts—Captain is on the bridge and playtime is over.

I think about my response for a minute and then say, “I’m doing good, Doc… Rita. I think I really am. I was really bummed when I figured out that Barbs was interested in Chris. That was purely out of selfish motivation. I told myself that I was doing all of this to help Barbie—and, to a certain extent, I was. But, I certainly was strongly hoping to get ‘rewarded’ for it. And it looked like I was for a while—until it looked like I wasn’t…”

Dr…Rita nods and says, “Look, Jacie. That is very astute of you to observe that, but I think you’re being too harsh on yourself. Especially after Barbie told me what you did for her after that. Don’t beat yourself up over being human, OK? Unless you aspire to be Vulcan?”

I put my hands up to my face to keep my eyes from falling out. I’m not sure I catch them, though! I hope the Tribbles don’t get hair all over them.

She giggles, “What? You don’t think I haven’t caught some of your geeky Star Trek references? I’m a die-hard Trekkie, myself. That’s one of the things that I really appreciate about you. And, no, there is no shame in a girl being a Trekkie!”

I smile and feel a little impish, “Well, being Vulcan would certainly have its beneficial qualities, right now! I am so confused! Gina is asking me questions that I have no answers to. I honestly don’t know what to do.”

She nods, “I understand, Jacie. I do. I’ve talked to Gina and know what she is asking of you. She’s not intending to put pressure on you—if anything, she’s trying to relieve it. Think of it this way…”

She pauses to think, then continues, “You’re not sure what you want. You don’t know if it would be bad or good to develop as a male. Of course, to a certain extent, you can’t know that until you do. Have you heard of Schrodinger’s Cat? No? Look it up before you talk to Gina on Tuesday. The thing is, if you are not dead set on developing as a boy and it doesn’t bother you to not hurry, then why would you hurry? On the other hand, if it bothers you that you’re not developing, either as a boy—or a girl—then, you need to be having a different conversation. Does that make sense?”

Suddenly, I come out of the space storm and the static on the forward screen is gone!

I smile, “Yes, it does.” I giggle, “But it scares me because that was as convoluted as some of the conversations the Circle has and I followed it!” Then I sigh, “I still don’t have an answer, but I think I have the right questions to consider.”

She nods, “What Gina is proposing is potentially putting you on a hormone blocker for a short while—until you’re certain which way you want to go. There is, under normal circumstances, absolutely no harm in it. It just further delays what is already delayed in your case.”

I go over and give her a big hug. I look at her surprised face and say, “Thanks, Dr. M.—Rita! That helps a lot. I’m glad I have both of you as my docs! Mom and Dad—and Jillie—all tell me it’s up to me and that they support me, and all. But, I don’t know what I want them to support! Gina gave me things to think about, but we didn’t have enough time to really talk before I had to struggle with her questions… Oh, sure, she told me—like you did—that I could call her any time, but, it didn’t seem like it was worth bothering her—with my insignificant insecurities, I mean.”

She gives me a stern look, “James Tiberius Amanda Christine Jacie Alexander! You never worry about calling either me—or Gina! Do you understand?”

I chase my eyes that are threatening to escape out the hatch into space and explode—or would they implode in space?

She giggles at the look on my face, “Barbie told me about that little ‘full name’ secret. I love it! I also mean it. Do we understand each other?”

I grin and nod—then hug her again.

I break the hug and say, “Thanks, Rita. I now have a clue what to think about between now and Tuesday. I can’t say I will have an answer, but at least I feel like I have a chance of finding one!”

I sigh and take my heart in my hand—I have to know!

What? I’m curious!

“Do you mind if I ask a somewhat personal question?”

She looks at me—intrigued. She says, “Jacie, you may certainly ask. I can’t promise I will answer, though.”

I nod, “Well… Monday night—when I was at your house… It was the first time… And I love Mitsi like a sister, now… But, then John showed up and…”

She giggles, “Jacie, stop! You’re chattering like a girl—and not making any sense. Except to another girl. You want to know why we sent Mitsi to public school and don’t spoil her, right?”

I’m shocked!

What? You wouldn’t be?!?!? She must be Deanna Troi in disguise!

I nod.

She smiles, “It was a joint decision. Mitsi had made friends—your Jill included—that went to public school when it was time to decide where to send her. Her Dad and I decided that friendships were worth more than snooty private education. To be honest, we knew that, with our money, we could get her in wherever she wanted to go to college. We wanted her to have a normal childhood—like we did. Her Daddy and I both grew up in middle-class families—we weren’t born into rich. Mitsi was OK with that—and we’re all glad we did it this way. She has wonderful friends—like you, Jacie. I’m not saying she wouldn’t have made good friends at St. James, you understand, but we’re happy where she is at.”

She winks, “Now—that is between us. Doctor-patient confidentiality. OK, doctor? Oh…and one more confidentiality—you know she turns sixteen in February. Please don’t let her in on the fact that she won’t need to ride the bus, anymore. Of course, none of the Circle on your route will… But, your Daddy would understand the capacity of her car better than little-ole-me would!”

She winks and I break down into a fit of the giggles.

I hug her, “Your secret is safe with me. And, thank you for all of your trusts in me today, … Rita!”

She hugs me back, ferociously, “No, thank you, Hon. You’ve been a really good friend to Barbie—her doll, as she calls you—and a perfect addition to the fierce friendship of the circle. I don’t know what you will ultimately decide, Jacie, but I know you are always welcome in our family. I also know that you need to scoot and help the other girls get ready for the real party tonight. The boys won’t be spending the night in the guest house, but you, Jacie, are most welcome. All of the Circle’s mothers are in agreement on that.”

I sit back—stunned. I look to see if she is still holding the phaser in her hand—just to see if it is set to light or heavy stun.

I carefully wipe the tears from my eyes and hug her once more, “Thank you, Rita. I won’t abuse your trust.”

She breaks the hug and looks me intently in my eyes—serious as a phaser set to kill—and says, “I know you won’t, Jacie. I know you won’t. Now, go! I will see you tonight—and I look forward to some more fun music!”

I smile and just get up to leave. I give her one more smile and leave—there is nothing really left to say.

I smirk at the Klingons in their cells on the way out. I nearly stop at the Romulan Commander’s cell to curse her for destroying my cloaking device, but just wave on my way out. James T. Kirk didn’t need one—and neither does James Tiberius Amanda Christine Jacie Alexander!

I ride the elevator down feeling so much better. Even if I still have no idea what to do.


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Comments

Thank you

for a really nifty story, and yes I am a treky too.Strikes me Jackie still has a lot of trouble brewing. But this really did feel like the end of the story.

Not the end just yet

But close--at least for this book. If there is interest, I could be persuaded to do another after I tidy up Amadea. :)

HUGS!
S

Thank you!

I am definitely looking forward to more! I feel badly for suggesting it is the end of the story, I tend to write my first impressions of the story while it is fresh in my mind as a way of thanking the writer for a good time.

Thanks!

Glad you like it! Thanks for the kudos!

HUGS!
S

That full name is a mouth full

Samantha Heart's picture

If I do say so my self lol. Phasers set to kill odd band name but not for a trekie lol I'm now more in to Voyager my self. Nice TNG reference BTW lol. I'm happy that (I'll just go with Chrissie.) Is with Jillie now they seam to make a cute couple. There are thing that need to be worked through and thought through but I know Chrissie will do what she thins is right male or female her/his decision, but somehow I'm leaning more towards her :)

Love Samantha Renée Heart.

Hopefully,

It will get shorter! :)

HUGS!
S

Jacie

It looks like Jacie is stepping closer to the female side. Please keep taking a break of Amadea and keep writing this.

hugs :)
Michelle SidheElf Amaianna

Break...

Hmmm, I was thinking more along the lines of needing to take a break over the holidays, anyway--so, it's a natural time to bring to bring this to an end. ;-)

HUGS!
S

Life decisions are tough

Beoca's picture

I think it's pretty clear where J will end up going, even if not at the point of realizing it yet. Best of luck with that route.

Many struggles...

Are certainly ahead--no matter what route. :)

HUGS!
S

Jacie seems to be coming out.

My5InchFMHeels's picture

Jacie seems to be coming out of her shell, like Barbie. It feels it's a fair guess that Jacie will go for blockers at this point, even if just to buy some time for now.

Saw a comment about a 2nd book, that'd be grand. Really liking this story. The inner dialog has cheered me up on a couple occasions, especially when I read at work on my breaks.

Inner dialog

I've had some fun with that. Glad you are enjoying It!

HUGS!
S

Don't end the story!

I've never commented here before but I love this story. I could clearly see it running for a long time, for Jacie to grow up, go to college, etc. No reason Jillie couldn't be there for her. Good writing, easy to read, keeps my attention and clever plot diversions. I'm hooked!

Hi, Dannie!

Not ending... Just pausing, so I can publish the first part. I need to pause this one, so that I can finish cleaning up Amadea and publish them both. Then I fully intend to keep working on both. I have several storylines from the past that I wanted to continue, but these are the two that really resonate the most with me. (Although, I have some other stories to clean up, too...)

HUGS!
S

Really have enjoyed this

gillian1968's picture

I enjoy all the Star Trek references, but particularly like how you tell the story.

I hope you decide to write another one.

Gillian Cairns

Thanks!

I'm glad you are enjoying it! More is likely to come--after a short break to recharge the muse. :)

HUGS!
S

Methinks Jacie is here to stay…

Great story,

Please keep it up. Gender specialists aren't fools—they think things over carefully before they offer blockers (typically Lupron) to patients. As a rule, their patients choose hormones after they have had a year on their blockers to think things over, because starting hormones is considered an irrevocable decision.

That year Jacie will take before making that irrevocable decision is enough room for quite a bit of jumping over the gender border, or trying to blow all borders sky-high…

Please continue to surprise us with whatever this delightful posse of teenagers chooses to do, jointly or severally.

Cheers,
rg

May deviate a bit from reality on that... :)

But thanks for the information, I appreciate it. It would be a bit tough for the story to wait that long. ;)

Thanks for the comments and kudos!

HUGS!
S

Really a late bloomer

Not sure if I remember how old James is, but he sure has a lot going for him. I think it’s easy for the moms to trust a youth that hasn’t had his torpedo fully loaded yet. One would think that they aren’t influencing him, but isn’t acceptance of the female persona with his friends and family guiding him in that direction? Jim only had Julie but no male friends. Doesn’t take a star fighter pilot to see that. It’s not going to be a tough choice as he hasn’t experienced male orgasms and really doesn’t identify with males other than dressing as one.

Can’t wait for the end of this story. Really has been fun.

Santacruzman

Guidance

A little is always good, right?

Glad you like it!

HUGS!
S

At the end of this chapter there is a pause?

Well Jacie may have no idea what to do, but there are enough hints... I will be eagerly awaiting the next segment when you finish polishing Amadeus. I hope that goes well for you.

Happy Holidays,

Wendy K

No...

There will be at least one more chapter. I have to see if that leaves me at a good stopping point, or there may be one more.

HUGS!
S

Funny feeling

Jamie Lee's picture

With all the Tribbles running around it's a wonder the kids have anything left to eat. But at least they aren't upset being around the kids.

Jacie is having to deal with questions that most don't even consider, like Schrodinger's Cat. How many people sit around and contemplate Quantum Mechanics? How many can phantom the idea that every choice exists up until the choice is made?

What makes this worse for Jacie is that no one can answer the questions for her/him, s/he has to soul search by her/him-self. But the right questions are being asked by both parties.

For Rita to tell Jacie s/he is like family is high praise about character; evident by what s/he finally did for Barbie. And that character must have made a big impression on Mitsi too.

Barbie is making big gains in coming out of her shell. She still has a ways to go but being able to hold Chris' hand without going nuts is a big step.

Others have feelings too.

The quantum mechanics...

of love and being a teenager! Something to keep everyone occupied! ;-)

HUGS!
S

"James Tiberius Amanda Christine Jacie Alexander"

Now that's a mouth full! Hi Shauna dear, yes I'm still working my way through this one. Hopefully Jacie And Jill can make it work because I don't see Jimmy coming back. Loving Hugs Talia