When I arrived home, Amy and my mother were sitting in the kitchen. Amy looked at me, and said, “Honey. I’m sorry that I wasn’t up with you this morning.”

“I understand.”, I said. “You needed your rest for tonight. And I knew that I wouldn’t be able to be with you as much while you were doing your clinical work. But I can live with it.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. We’d better get going, so you’re not late.”

I drove Amy to the hospital, we shared a sweet kiss, and she went into the hospital. I just went home.

Talk about a lonely evening. And it was raining out. So I sat on the porch and read. At eleven-thirty when I was ready to leave to pick up Amy, I was yawning. But I made it to the hospital just before midnight. I sat in the parking lot by the emergency room and waited for her.

It was almost twelve-thirty before she came out, and I was practically asleep. And it looked like she was very excited. She jumped into the car and gave me a big kiss. I said, "It sure looks like you're wound up?"

“I am.”, she replied. “The emergency room is amazing. You go from very quiet to full-blown busy very quickly. I was lost for the first couple of hours, but this kind nurse, Patty, took me under her wing. And I quickly started picking up on things.

"We weren't that busy tonight. But, busy enough. We had everything from a cut finger, to a bad traffic accident, to a couple of heart attacks. At first, it seems like a disorganized mess. But you soon learn that it's organized confusion. Everyone has a job, and they do it without being told."

“It sounds like you liked it?”

“I did. The ICU was interesting, but the ER is better. You’re immediately helping people with their problem. You’re taking care of their problems. Big and small.

“But there was one bad thing.”

“Something bad?”

"Yeah. One of the guys who had a heart attack didn't make it. And Patty is one of the members of the team that makes death notifications. So, it was Patty, a doctor, and me, that told the family that he had died. That wasn't fun."

“That’s tough. But it has to be done. Right?”

“Yeah. I guess it’s part of the job. Besides I knew going in, that I'd have to deal with death.”

Tuesday and Wednesday were the same. Two lonely evenings. And Amy being very excited about working in the emergency room. She said that they had a couple more deaths, but she wasn't part of the notification team on either. And they had a gunshot come in on Wednesday. The police were there. The guy was even handcuffed to the hospital bed and was quickly shipped off to surgery with a police escort.

Wednesday on the way home, I happened to mention how lonely it was without her around. She didn't say anything until we were home. But as we walked into the house, she took my hand and led me to the den. We sat on the love seat, she looked at me, and said, "Honey. I know it's lonely. It's the same for me when you're working at your uncle's. Your dad is at work, and a lot of the time so is your mother. Maria is working this summer. So is Kelly. So I'm alone here in this big house until you come home."

“Honey!”, I said. “I’m so sorry. I should have known.”

“I have to apologize too. I never really gave much thought to you being alone.”

"You know something.", I said. "We're going to have to get used to this. If you're going to be a nurse, you'll work some weird shifts. I'll also eventually have a real job. And that means there will be times that we'll be apart."

“You’re right. It’ll be hard. But knowing us, we’ll take it in stride. How can I make it better for you.”

I stood up, offered her my hand, and said, “Come to bed with me.”

She grinned, and said, “You going to be able to stay awake?”

“Honey. If I'm with you, I will stay awake.”

My uncle had given me Thursday and Friday off because I had had to work the following Sunday. So Amy and I had some time together. We both slept in, especially after the extracurricular activity on Wednesday night. When we finally out of bed no one else was home, so we took a shower together. It had been a while since we'd done this, but I made a mental note that we were going to do it more often. And Amy must have had the same thought, because she said, "I just love doing this. We need to do it more often."

I just smiled, kissed her, and said, "Great minds think alike. That’s what I was thinking too."

Then we took a walk. Yeah I know, get cleaned up and then go for a hike in the woods, not a good idea. But then again, we just might have to take another shower.

We walked from the house to the park, and then hiked the lake trail. We made it to the lake and were shocked. Our bench had been destroyed. It was made out of wood, and it looked like someone had used a large rock to destroy it. Amy cried, and I became very mad. Then Amy asked, "Why would someone do this?"

"I don't know honey. But hopefully, the police can find the clowns that did this."

“I wonder if they even know about this?”

“I don’t know. But we’ll call the park people when we get home.”

We didn't have to wait until we were home. When we walked out to the trailhead parking lot, a Park Police officer was sitting there in his car. We walked up to him and told him what we'd found. He took our information and a description of where the bench was. We then told him that was a special place for us, as that's where I'd asked Amy to marry me.

Then we finished our walk home, made some lunch, and sat on the porch and cuddled for a while. Amy then took a quick shower, by herself, changed into her uniform, and I took her to the hospital. When I walked into the house, my parents were home, and we had dinner together. And I told them about the bench. They couldn’t believe it.

When I picked Amy up at midnight on Thursday, she appeared to be depressed. She just wasn’t her usual perky self. I asked her what was wrong, she looked at me with sorrowful eyes, and said, “We ... We had a child come in from a traffic accident, ... and ... and she died.”

Amy started crying. Then she whispered, “She ... She ... She died in my arms.”

"Oh, my God. Honey. No!”, I said. “What can I do?”

“Just hold me.”

I sat there and held her. A minute or so later, there was a tap on the side window. I turned and looked, and it was a nurse. I rolled the window down, and she said, “Hi I’m her friend Patty. She had a rough night.”

“I know.”, I said. “She just told me.”

“You’re her husband, Tom. Right?”

“Yeah. That had to be hard on her.”

"It was. It was hard on all of us. It always is, especially when it’s a child. It never gets easy."

“What can I do for her?”

“Take her home and help her relax. Buy a bottle of wine. And help her finish it. It may help her relax.”

“We don’t drink.”

“Might be a good time to start. Then put Amy to bed, and let her sleep until she wakes up on her own.”

“You think?”

Patty said, “I know.” Then handing me a piece of paper, she said, “Here’s my phone number. Have her call me when she wakes up tomorrow.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. This happens to all of us. Some react differently than others.”

On the way home, I found a store that was open, stopped, and bought a bottle of wine. Hopefully, it will be good. The guy in the store recommended it. When we were home, I helped her into the house, and to our room. Then I helped her remove her blood-spattered uniform, and slip into a robe. We went to the kitchen, I opened the bottle of wine, and retreived two glasses out of the cupboard.

I sat down next to her, poured us both a glass of wine, and set hers in front of her. She looked at me, and said, “What’s this?”

“Something your friend Patty recommended.”, I said. “Some wine.”

“We don’t drink.”

“I know. But, Patty said that it might help you relax.”

“Really?”

“Yes. You were there when she told me.”

“I was?”

“Yes. We were sitting in the parking lot of the hospital this evening. And she told me to get you a bottle of wine and share it with you. Then put you to bed. She also gave me her phone number and told me to tell you to call her.”

“She did?”

“Yes.”

Without a word, Amy picked up the glass of wine and sipped it. And I did the same. It didn't take us long to finish the bottle, and Amy drank most of it. We did talk a little as we sat there but about nothing important. By the time Amy finished her last glass of wine, she was feeling the alcohol. I'd forgotten that she hasn't had anything to eat.

She looked at me, and said, “Tommy I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”, I replied. “I just wish that something like this had never happened to you.”

"Honey. These things happen. And if I'm going to be a nurse I have to learn to cope with it. But I know that I'll never get used to it."

I helped her back to our room, and to finish undressing. She then just crawled into bed naked. I undressed and crawled into bed next to here. And I cuddled up to her. I could tell by her breathing that she was asleep. And I soon followed.

On Friday morning I was up at eight, and Amy was still sound asleep. I quietly worked my way out of bed, trying not to disturb her. Taking my clothes, I went to the bathroom and dressed. I walked into the kitchen, and my mother was there. She said, “Good morning.”

“Maybe not a good morning.”, I replied.

“I saw the wine bottle this morning. Is this something new?”

“Amy had a rough shift last night. And her friend Patty suggested that I get it.”

“What happened?”

I told my mother what I knew, and that I thought that I didn’t know everything. When I was finished, my mother said, “Oh. The poor dear. What can I do?”

“I don’t know. Just be upbeat for her when she gets up.”

“I’ll do that.”

“And if you know how to get blood out of her uniform, it might help.”

“How much blood?”

“A lot.”

“Oh.”

“I have to go for a walk and clear my head.”

“I understand.”

"If she gets up before I get back, just comfort her."

I walked to the park and noticed a park maintenance truck parked there. I didn't think much of it and started my walk on the lake trail. When I was close to the lake, I heard some noises. As I walked closer to where the bench had been, I saw some guys working in the area of the bench that someone had destroyed. And I thought, ‘That was quick. We just told them about it yesterday.’

I walked up to where they were working, and they were removing the remnants of the bench. I then walked up to the guy that looked like the supervisor and told him that I was the one that reported this yesterday and that they sure worked quickly. He said that when something was broken, they didn’t want anyone to get hurt, so they liked to either fix it or remove it quickly.

I stood there watching them for a minute. Then I had an idea. I walked back up to the supervisor, and asked, “What are you going to do with the wood from the bench?”

“Just throwing it in the trash.”, he replied.

“Mind if I take a few pieces?”

“No. Help yourself.”

“Thanks.”

I selected a few pieces of wood, said thanks to the guy, and took the shortest way home. When I walked in the door, mom looked at me, and said, "That was a quick walk."

“Yeah. I walked by the lake, and the parks people were already working on the bench.”

“So that brought you back home?”

“I found something, and I have an idea I want to talk to dad about. Also, I have something that I needed to bring back. Is Amy up yet.”

“Yes. She came out looking for you, I told her that you went for a walk, I gave her a big hug, and she went to take a shower.”

“I’ve need to run this down the basement. Then I’ll go and talk to her.”

I ran down to the basement, dropped off the wood in my dad's workshop, then ran up to the bathroom, knocked on the door, and asked, “Can I come in?”

“Sure honey.”, Amy replied.

I walked into the bathroom just as Amy was getting out of the shower, and she said, “That was a short walk.”

“I just needed to clear my head.”, I replied.

“Because of last night?”

“Yeah. How are you doing?”

“I’m not sure yet. It wasn't good With both the little girl and the bench in the same day. But the bench can be replaced, but the little girl ...

"But I do feel a little better than I did last night."

“That’s good. I was worried about you last night.”

“I figured as much. And the wine gave me a headache.”

“Me too. That’s why I went for a walk.”

“But, I liked the taste of it.”

“Me too. But we shouldn’t drink so much of it. Especially on an empty stomach.”

“Wait a minute. You’re not twenty-one yet, so how did you buy it?”

“The guy at the store never asked for an ID. I guess I look twenty-one.”

“No. You look more like you're seventeen or eighteen.”

"Oh, thanks."

"I meant it as a compliment."

“Okay. Don’t forget to call Patty this morning.”

“Why?”

“She wants you to.”

“Oh. Okay. But I don’t have her home phone number.”

“I do.”

I went to the bedroom with Amy as she dressed. She wasn’t going to the hospital until four, so she just dressed in shorts and a top. Then she saw her uniform from last night, and I saw tears start as she said, “That’s her blood.”

I took her in my arms, and whispered, “Honey. These things happen. And there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“I know.”, she whispered back. “But she was only four.”

“That’s just so young.”

“I know. She had her whole life ahead of her,”

Amy finished dressing. Then we walked together into the kitchen. My mother walked up to Amy and just held her for a minute. Then said, “Honey. Everything will be okay. It’ll just take time.”

“I know mom.”, Amy replied.

I said. “How about we have a girl’s day on Saturday?”

“Really!”

“Yeah. You need to do some fun things. And Tammy needs to visit. Plus I feel that she could help you.”

“It has been a while. Hasn’t it? And it would be nice to talk to her.”

“It’s been too long.”

As she touched my hair, she said, "Your hair is almost back to its normal color. Have you decided what you're going to do with your wig?"

“I think I'm going to take it to Helen, and see what she can do with it.”

“Honey.”, my mother asked, “Are you still going to have her dye it?”

“Yes, and maybe put it in a good style for Kai."

My mother smiled, and said, “I was wondering about Kai. She was ... shall I say real.”

“Real!”, I said.

“Yes, honey. Remember I've watched you since the first day, and I'd have to say that Kai was as close to a real girl as you've come. She was so feminine, so cute, and so outgoing."

“Mom’s right.”, Amy added. “Tammy is all girl. But Kai is all girl plus. There’s just something about her.”

I sat there and thought back to that week in New Mexico. They were right. There was something about Kai. Maybe it was my spirit being in New Mexico and feeling at home, that brought Kai out.

Later after we’d finished breakfast, I handed Amy the piece of paper that had Patty’s phone number on it, and said to Amy, “Honey. Don’t forget to call Patty.”

“Oh yeah. I’ll be right back.”, Amy replied. And she ran off.

That right back turned into more than half an hour. And when she came back I could tell she’d been crying.

“Honey.”, I asked. “What’s wrong?”

"Nothing now.", she replied. "Patty and I had a great talk, and she shared some things with me that made me cry and some that made me laugh. And I feel better now. We were laughing by the time we said so long. She liked our thing about so long and not goodbye.

“She also said that they’d probably have a counselor there tonight for any of us that wanted to talk to them. It’s something the hospital does when something like this happens.”

“You going to talk to them?”

“I don’t know. I’ll see how I feel when I walk in there tonight.”

“So you are going back?”

“Honey. I want to be a nurse. I’m going to be a nurse. And I have to accept that bad things happen and that I have no control over them. And I also have to learn to accept that dealing with death is part of the job."

I smiled at her, and said, “You are tough aren't you?”

“Not really. Sometimes you just have to put up a good front.”

“Promise me that you will always talk to someone and not keep something like this inside?”

“Honey. I will always talk to someone on something like this. I just hope that you have broad shoulders.”

“Broad shoulders?”

“Uh huh. Because you're the one that I’ll probably talk to.”

When I came home from taking Amy to the hospital, I found my dad in the den. And I said, "Dad can we go down to your workshop for a minute?"

“Sure.”, he said. “What’s up?”

“I have an idea for something, and I’ll tell you when we get down there.”

When I was back upstairs, it hit me that next Wednesday was Amy’s birthday. I knew her mother was planning a dinner for her on the following Saturday. But I have to do something special for her.

As I walked into the kitchen to see what was for dinner, my mother pointed to a box on the table, and said, “Honey the postman just dropped that package off for you. It's for Kai.”

“Kai!?” I said.

“Yes. The postman asked me if we had a Kai Nez living here. I had to think for a second before I told him yes.”

I looked at the box, it was wrapped in brown paper and tied with twine. And I asked, “Who’s it from?”

“Look for yourself.”

I walked over and looked at the package, and the first thing I noticed that it was addressed to Kai Nez. Then I looked at the return address, and it was my aunt and uncle at the resort. Then I asked, “What is it?”

“Now how am I supposed to know. Open it and see.”

I took a pair of scissors, cut the twine, and tore open the brown paper wrapping. Inside was a cardboard box. I opened the box and on top was a letter. I opened the letter, and it was from my aunt, and I read it out loud to my mom;

“Tom and Kai,

“PS. The owners love the picture, that is on the front of the brochure, so much that they’re having a large one made to hang in the lobby.”

As I finished reading the letter, my dad came up from the basement, and asked, “What’s in the box.”

I handed him the letter, as he read it, he whistled, and said, “Two-hundred and fifty dollars. And you donated it to that girl.”

"Yes, sir. I felt that a real Navajo girl should do the photo shoot and earn the money. But they wanted me. So I donated it to a girl that wants to go to medical school."

“Why doesn’t that surprise me. So what’s in the box?”

“A few of the brochures and some more pictures.”

I took out the brochures. They were a fancy multi-page brochure done on shiny slick paper. And on the front was a picture of me standing by a tree, with the thunderstorm behind me, and that storm was generating a lot of lightning.

“Why me on another cover!?”

My dad looked at it, and asked, “That’s you!?”

“Yes, sir.”, I replied.

“If I wasn’t sure before, I am now. I do have a daughter.”

“Honey.”, my mother said. “You’re on the cover because you are pretty and very photogenic. And you look like you are enjoying what you were doing. And you look like a Navajo maiden.”

We looked at the rest of the brochure, and there were three more pictures with me in them. One by the big wall hanging in the lobby of the hotel. Another, a closeup of me by the bonfire, that I liked very much. And another by the bonfire with a group of the guests. Of course, there were some other pictures of the resort in the brochure. I looked at the back, and there was a picture of my aunt and uncle, and a copy of the shop's card where I'd purchased the dress and a note under it saying that the model's dress came from them.

I then took the photo album out of the box, opened it, and the first picture was an eight by ten, black and white of the same picture that’s on the cover of the brochure. And it was unbelievable. Just who is this girl?

We looked through the album, and we couldn’t get over the quality of the pictures. Some were in color, and some were in black and white. My favorite was still the one of me sitting by the bonfire. Both mom and dad liked the one with me, the tree, and the thunderstorm the best.

My mother said, "I was there, and these pictures don't do you justice."

“You mean she looked better than this?”, my dad said.

“You were here when she was Kai for Amy’s parents. What did you think?”

“You’re right. She is prettier in person.”

“Dad. I’m your son!”, I said.

“Yes. And you also make a beautiful daughter.”, my dad said.

“Dad!”

“I think I want to hang the picture with the thunderstorm in the den."

“Oh. You want to scare the mice away.”

I received dad’s ‘that’s not funny’ look. Then he said, “Son. It’s a great Southwestern picture. A pretty Indian girl, an old, dead, gnarly tree, and a big thunderstorm with lots of lightning out over the desert. Nothing says the Southwest more than something like that. But, I'd like to have it in color."

“Even if that girl is your son?”

“Yes.”

My mother said, “I’ll call Ruth and see what she can do about getting you a color picture.”

To change the subject, I asked, “Mom what’s for dinner?”

When I picked up Amy later that night, it seemed that she was back to her bubbly self. After a sweet kiss, I asked her, “How were things tonight?”

“Better.”, Amy said. “They did talk to all of us who were involved. It’s something that they do to be sure that we’re all right. I did find out something.”

“What’s that?”

“There were seat belts in the car that the little girl was in, but no one was wearing them. And supposedly she was standing up on the backseat.”

“Oh God. No!” And I slammed my fist into the steering wheel and felt the tears come into my eyes.

Amy held me. A short time later, there was a tapping on the window, but this time on Amy's side of the car. Amy rolled her window, and said, "Hi Patty."

“Hi, honey.”, I heard a woman’s voice say. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s Tom. I just told him about the little girl. He was in a bad traffic accident back when he was twelve, and if he hadn’t been wearing a seat belt, he wouldn’t be here. And it just hurts him when he hears about something like the little girl the other night. Especially when she could have been wearing a seat belt.”

“Tom’s parents had seat belts in their car back then?”

“It was his aunt's car. His uncle ordered the car with them. And his aunt insisted that they wear them."

“Smart people.”

“After the accident, Tom’s dad ordered some to add to their cars. Then Tom, when he bought this car added them. And he won’t start the engine unless everyone has them on.”

“More smart people.”

“I’m sorry.”, I said. “But something like that little girl needlessly dying just gets to me.”

“Tom.”, Patty said. “From what Amy’s just told me. I can understand why. You almost died.”

“Yeah. I shouldn’t let it get to me. But when it’s a child it hits a nerve.”

“It gets to all of us at times, and I don’t think it gets easier. We just have to carry on and make the best of it.”

“Thanks for stopping Patty.”, Amy said.

“I just needed to check and see if you were okay.”

“I think we’ll be fine.”

As Patty walked away, I said, “She seems very nice.”

“Yes.”, Amy replied. “She is very nice and a good friend.”

“A good friend?”

“Yes, we hit it off from the first day. She's been here for ten years."

“Here at the hospital?”

“Yes. All of it in the emergency room.”

“Why?”

“She likes it. She could have gone to other places in the hospital but decided to stay here. She's the evening shift nursing supervisor."

“Wait until you see what’s at home.”

“What?”

"I'm not telling. But, this is a hint.", I said as I handed Amy one of the brochures.

She took the brochure from me, looked at it, and said, “They used that picture we took during the storm on the front cover. That’s so cool.”

“Wait until you hear what dad wants to do.”

“What?”

“I’ll tell you at home.”