Tommy - The Trials and Tribulations of a Girl? - Chapter 33

The Trials and Tribulations of a Girl?

A Novel By Teddie S.

Copyright © 2018 Teddie S.
All Rights Reserved.

Chapter 33
A talk. Breakfast. And a meeting.

At the bonfire tonight Naainish and I had sat on a blanket together. He had chanted, and I had meditated. What I’d felt had confused me to the point where I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. I wanted to speak with Naainish, but couldn't. I wanted to talk to Chief Todachine, and I couldn’t. I wanted to talk to my grandmother, and I couldn’t. And worst of all I wanted to talk to Amy, and I just couldn’t do it right now.

As we walked into our room, I removed all of my clothes, the Biil dress, the moccasins, all of the jewelry, my wig, my bra and forms, and my panties. I went into the bathroom and cleaned what makeup I had on off. I put on one of the robes, walked out of the bathroom, and said to Amy, “Want to join me in the soaking tub?”

She looked at me in a way that told me that she knew that something was wrong, but wasn’t going to ask. Then she said, “Sure Honey. I’ll be right there.”

I walked out onto the private patio, dropped my robe, and climbed into the tub. A few minutes later Amy walked out to join me, she placed her bathrobe with mine, and I couldn’t help but smile at her naked, slender, sexy, body. And it didn’t help that she had that contagious smile on her face.

She said, “There’s that smile. I’m glad to see it.”

“I’m sorry.”, I said.

“We’ll talk when you’re ready.”


She climbed into the tub with me. And we sat there silently for about ten minutes enjoying the warm mineral waters.

Finally, I said, “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, honey.”, Amy replied. “I’m just worried about you.”

“Me too.”

“What’s going on.”

“Tonight was strange. What I was feeling was something I’ve never felt before.”


“It ... it was like I felt that my spirits wanted me to become Kai.”

“You were Kai.”

“Full time.”

“Like ... like a real girl?”

“Yeah. And live here.”


“Yeah. And I don’t want to do that. I like what we have. I love to be able to be Tammy or Kai. But I’m also Tom. I’m a boy, not a girl. I need to be a boy for myself, for you, for my parents, and for your parents.

“I don’t know if I can keep up this charade.”

“Honey. I don’t think that this is a charade, and I don’t believe that you do either. I think you know, as well as I do, that there’s a feminine spirit in you. And out here she is a strong native spirit.

“I know that you like her. I also know that you like your male spirit. And I don’t think that either one would do anything to hurt you. If anything they would help you.

“You know that they work in harmony. Your spirits try to do what’s best for you.”

“So you think that they’re right in wanting me to be here and be Kai?”

“Oh! I ... No. No! I don’t.”

“Now you’re not sure. Are you?”

“I don’t know.”

I sat back in the tub. And just looked at Amy and thought, ‘Now what? Now even Amy isn’t sure.’

“Honey.”, Amy finally said. “You know, I think we need to talk with someone that is wiser than we are.”

“Who? Naainish.”

“No. I think your grandmother would be better.”

“It’s late.”

“I bet that she’s still up.”

A short time later we were knocking on the door of my grandmother's suite in the hotel. We heard her say, “Just a minute.”

We waited, and a minute later the door opened. Grandma saw us, smiled, then frowned, and asked, “I thought that you might stop by.”

“You did?”, I asked.

“Yes. I knew something was bothering you earlier this evening.”

“Can we talk?”, Amy asked.

“Of course. I was just reading before going to bed. Come on in.”

We followed grandma into her suite, and the three of us sat in front of the Kiva fireplace, which had a small fire in it. Grandmother sat in her rocking chair, and Amy and I sat in the leather chairs.

Grandma asked, “Now. What’s wrong?”

“Honey. Go on and tell her.”, Amy said.

“Grandma.”, I said. “I hate to bother you, but I need your advice.”

“Honey.”, grandma said. “You’re not bothering me. I love you two kids, and I know that something is bothering you.”

I started with, “Sitting at the bonfire tonight was troubling.”


“Yes. The spirits there felt stronger than ever before. I've never felt it this strong.”

“Yes, it was. I even felt it a little.”

“And I felt things that really bothered me.”

“Is that why Kai isn’t here?”

“Yes. I needed to put her away, at least for a little while.”

“That’s sad.”

“In a way. But what I felt tonight makes me question my two spirits. I don’t know if I can accept them any longer.

“I felt that they wanted me to become Kai and live out here. And I don’t want that. I need to be Tom.”

Grandma sat back in her chair, looked at me, and rocked. Then she said, “After you left the bonfire Naainish came to me and told me that he felt a lot of trouble in you.”

“He did?”

“He said that he was afraid that the strong spirits tonight might have caused some confusion with your spirits. And you left before he could talk to you.

“He told me that he felt a lot of conflict within you and felt that your young spirits might not be able to handle the strong spirits.

“And he’s worried about it affecting you the wrong way.”

“I think it has.”, I said. “I don’t know if I can be Kai again. Maybe not even Tammy. I feel like I’ve lost control. And it can’t be that way. I have to have control over this.”

“I understand. But I think you can control it. I believe that you just have to have it in your mind that you are the one that controls this. I know your spirits are strong, but you can be stronger. You just have to tell yourself that you are in control and mean it."

Amy had been quiet. I looked at her and saw the tears in her eyes. And I said, “Amy. Honey. Please don’t cry.”

“I ... I can’t help it.”, Amy said. “I don’t want to lose you.”

“Honey. There is no way that you’ll lose me. I’m yours no matter what.”


“Cross my heart and hope to die, you will never lose me.”

I saw a little smile on her face, as she said, “Just like when we promised to never lie to each other.”

“Just like then.”

It was quiet for a minute, then grandma said, “Why don’t the two of you go back to your room and get a good night’s sleep. And everything should be better in the morning.”

“You think it will?”, I asked.

“Let's just say. That this old lady has seen many Moons, and I’ve seen many things happen. And I feel in these old bones that by morning everything will be as it should. And you will know what you need to do.”

“I’m supposed to meet with the Chiefs, Naainish, and some others tomorrow morning, and I don’t know if I can do it.”

“Is Kai supposed to meet with them?”

“I guess. Kai and Amy. And right now I don’t see Kai going.”

“Hmm. Well, it would be a surprise to them if Tom showed up.”

“And probably not a good thing?”

“Oh. I don’t know. The Chiefs and Naainish have met Kai, but not Tom. And don’t they want to know more about you? And isn’t Tom a part of you?”

“Yeah. The biggest part. What about the others?”

“They’ve heard a lot about Kai, but nothing of Tom. But it would be better if Kai met with them.”

“I guess you’re right. Do you have any idea what is this all about?”

“The meeting. I don’t know. Other than a bunch of nosey old men getting nosey.”


“Well, they are. They’ve heard of a pretty girl that is a person with two spirits and want to get a look at her.”

“Grandma! Don’t they know that I'm really a guy?”

“I would think they do.”

“And they still want to see the girl me?”

“Honey. They’re men.”

“So am I.”

“Yes, you are. A very handsome man. But, you are the only one that can decide if you’re going to go to the meeting and who’s going. And I wouldn’t try to make that decision right now. Like I said, sleep on it.”

I sat there, looked into the fire, and thought about this whole mess. Then I said, “Grandma. Thank you. I knew that you’d have some sage advice. And I am going to sleep on it.”

Amy and I stood up, and I helped grandma up. And we both gave her a big hug. Then we said goodnight to her and headed back to our room.

On the way back to our room, I stopped, took Amy in my arms and kissed her. Then I said, “Thank you for suggesting that I talk to grandma.”

“Honey.”, Amy said. “We both needed someone's help, and I just knew that she was the one.”

* * * * * *

Saturday morning when we were up, it felt like I knew what I had to do.

Amy and I were meeting Patty and Ralph for an early breakfast before they left for Bolder. And we were in the restaurant before they were. There were a few people there, but not many. We sat at a table and waited.

A few minutes later, Amy said, “Here comes Patty and Ralph.”

They walked up, and Patty asked, “Where’s Kai?”

Amy grinned, and said, “Kai isn’t here right now. I'd like you to meet Tom.”

I stood up and offered my hand to Patty. She just stood there and stared. Finally, Patty said, “Tom! Really?”

I smiled, and said, “Ralph said he wanted to meet me.”

Then instead of shaking my hand Patty hugged me, and said, “I don’t believe this. I only saw you those few times in the dark parking lot, and you were in a car. So I never really had a good look at you.”

“Believe it. He’s real.”, Amy said.

Patty finally let me go, I reached my hand out to Ralph, he took it, and shook it. And said, “As Patty said, I don’t believe this.”

“You said that you wanted to meet Tom.”, I said. “So we figured that this would be a good time.”

The three of us sat, and Patty and Ralph just stared at me. Finally, Patty said, “Tom. Amy said that you were a good looking guy. And you are. But how do you do it?”

I just smiled at her, and said, “Do what?”

“Be such a good looking girl one minute and such a good looking guy the next. And the look, the girl with black hair and the guy with blond hair. There are no similarities between the two of you except for the blue eyes.”

“It doesn’t happen that quickly. But the boy is easy. I just have to be myself. The girl takes some work. Some padding and war paint. And a good wig helps. The blue eyes I have to live with.”

“Don’t let him kid you.”, Amy said. “He can change from a guy to a girl quickly. His makeup skills are as excellent as any girls. And it’s fun to watch.

“But other things happen when he becomes Tammy or Kai. His female spirit helps him be the girl. He feels the girl. He becomes the girl.”

Ralph shook his head, and said, “His handshake right now was a guys handshake, and his mannerisms this morning are all guy. Last night Kai was all girl.

“I sure wish we had another day or two to be with you.”

“Maybe we can get together when we get back home.”, I replied.

We had an excellent Southwestern breakfast and then helped Patty and Ralph carry their bags to their car. They had driven out here from home. We said so long and wished them a safe trip.

As we were walking back to our room, Amy asked me, “Are we still going to meet the Chiefs this morning?”

“Sure.”, I replied.

Then Amy asked the sixty-four-thousand-dollar question, “Who’s going, Kai or Tommy?”

I just looked at her.

“You don’t know. Do you?”

I just shook my head no.

As we were walking past the fire pit, I stopped and just stared at it. Amy stopped, turned, and looked at me, and didn’t say anything. She knew that I was in deep thought.

We stood there for a few minutes, then finished walking to our room.

When we left our room to meet with the Chiefs, both Amy and I were wearing long skirts, fancy blouses, moccasins, and no jewelry. Except for the Concho belts that we were both wearing. And our makeup was very light. Amy had removed the fancy braid that Mrs. Hatathli had put her hair in and had put it into a ponytail. I had left the fancy braids in my hair.

A little before nine we were pulling up to the remote hogan. There were some cars and pickup trucks there. We parked the car.

Amy looked at me and asked, “Are you ready for this?”

“I wish I knew what I had to be ready for.”, I replied.

As we walked up to the flap that was covering the entrance to the hogan, we heard what sounded like Naainish chanting. We stopped at the door to listen, the chanting stopped, and we heard Naainish say, “Please come in.”

I pulled the flap aside, and Amy and I walked in. Like last time it was dark inside with the only light being provided by a small fire and the smoke hole in the roof. I could see that there were some people sitting on one side of the small fire. But my eyes hadn’t adjusted to the dim light yet so I couldn’t tell who they were.

I heard someone say, “Yá’át’ééh, Kai Nez and Amy Young.”

I couldn’t tell who said it, but I think it was Chief Kinlicheeny. So, I just replied, “Yá’át’ééh.” And Amy echoed me.

Then whoever it was that had welcomed us said, “Please sit with us.”

Amy and I sat on a woven carpet, that was on the opposite side of the small fire from the group of men. As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, I noticed that five men were sitting behind the Chiefs and Naainish.

I then saw a sand painting on the dirt floor of the hogan in front of Naainish. I knew that these sand paintings were used in ceremonies where the gods are asked to help with something. I looked up at Naainish, then back at the sand painting, and then back at Naainish. I think he saw the question on my face, as he said, “I was saying a prayer for you, Kai Nez. I knew that you were very troubled after the bonfire last night.”

“I was.”, I replied. “I almost didn’t come here today. And you almost met my male spirit.”

“I’m happy that you, Kai Nez, came to be with us.”

Then Naainish went on to introduce everyone. And we found that the other five men were ranking members of the Navajo Nation Council.

Then I asked, “Why are we here?”

“Kai Nez.”, Chief Kinlicheeny said. “I know that you’ve been told that you are special to your people. And you are. People with two spirits, like you and Naainish, are rare. And when I saw you for the first time I was sure that you were a girl. Then I learned that you were really a boy and I was amazed.

“Your grandmother has also told us a lot about you, and since you're are not from here, we just wanted to know a little more about you and your friend, as she seems to accept you and has taken to the Navajo people that she has met.”

“She’s my wife.”

“Oh! I see. Your wife.”

I saw Naainish smile a little.

“And, I don’t know why I’m special.”, I said. “I haven’t done anything to be special. If anyone here is special, it’s Amy. She saved the life of a little boy who almost drowned. What have I done? Nothing.”

I saw the men look at each other.

Then Chief Kinlicheeny said, “Kai Nez ... “

Interrupting him, I said. “Please. Why are you using my full name?”

“Out of respect.”

“Please. Call me Kai.”

“Kai. Just your presence a few weeks ago helped your grandmother, who is an important member of our nation, recover from a near-fatal heart attack.”

“You don’t know how happy I am that she's recovered, but I don’t see how my being a person with two spirits helped. I think it was just my mother, Amy, and me being here that lifted her spirits. I know that I don’t fully understand all the ins and outs of this, and I may never understand it.”

Chief Todachine then said, “When I met you and Amy, at the hospital, I could sense that there were strong spirits with you. And I began feeling better later that day myself.”

“Chief. I'm also glad you started getting better. But I don’t see how I had anything to do with it. Naainish was there too. Remember this having two spirits is relatively new to me, and after last night I don’t know if I can continue to accept my two spirits. I felt that they wanted me to do things that I don’t want to do. Things that I can’t do.”

“I knew that you were troubled.”, Naainish said. “There was powerful medicine at the fire last night. And it might have been too much for you. I should have warned you. And I'm sorry that I didn't.

“But I now feel that you may have solved your problem. I think that you’ve taken control of your spirits. And everything will be fine.”

“How can you be so sure?”, I asked.

“Kai. Like your grandmother, I've seen many Moons. And I've had conflicted feelings as you have. In seeing and listening to you this morning, I feel that you have come to grips with your inner conflicts.

“I see a person that is even more confident than the one I met a few weeks ago if that’s possible. Am I right?”

I thought for a few seconds, then said, “Naainish. I should be referring to you as Naainish Yazzie out of respect for you. But you’re a friend, so it’ll be Naainish if you don’t mind. And you’re right. I have come to grips with my conflicts.”

Naainish smiled, and just said, “Naainish will be just fine.”

At that point, Naainish destroyed the sand painting. I looked at him, and again he saw the questioning look on my face. Naainish then said, “Kai. This sand painting was made to help you overcome your trouble. By sitting on it, you would have absorbed its spiritual powers, and the Holy People would have taken away your problem. But I sensed, when you walked in here, that you were at peace with your spirits and didn't need to sit on the painting. So, in holding with tradition and seeing that it wasn’t needed, the sand painting had to be destroyed.”

Then looking at Amy, he said, “And Amy, outsiders are usually not permitted to witness a sacred ceremony. But it’s felt that you are very close to Kai. So if the ceremony had been completed, you would have been permitted to remain.”

Then Chief Todachine said, “And Amy. We feel that you are so close to Kai that you share his spirits in your heart. And we feel, that since you are an honorary member of the Azee'tsoh dine'é clan that you should have a Navajo name. We have chosen a name for you, and we hope that you will accept it. We would like your name to be Ajie. Which means, my heart.”

I looked at Amy, and she had a small smile on her face. Then she nodded yes, and said, “Ajie. Yes. Ajie. I like that. Thank you. I'll proudly accept the name Ajie as my Navajo name.”

Then Chief Kinlicheeny said, “Ajie if it had been possible we would have liked to have made you a member of the Navajo Nation. But it requires that you have one-quarter Navajo blood. And you don’t.”

“I understand that, Chief.”, Amy replied. “You have honored me by making me an honorary member of the Azee'tsoh dine'é clan. And by giving me the name Ajie.”

I then looked at the others that were there, and said, “Gentlemen. I know that a person with two spirits or a Nádleeh is rare and that you would like to find out more about me.

“I’m a private person and so is my wife. You may ask us a question that we won’t answer. Don’t take it personally. And I ask one thing, that anything that we talk about here stays here.

“So what would you like to know?”

It was almost lunchtime when we finished. It wasn’t a question and answer thing like I feared that it would be. But just a friendly talk among ten people. They probably learned things about both Amy and me. But I, and I think Amy, also learned things about them and the Navajo people in general.

Naainish took Amy and me to a nice small diner that wasn't very far from the resort. And the three of us continued to talk as we ate.

As we were finishing our lunch, Naainish said, “Kai. I’ve never seen anyone stand up to Chief Kinlicheeny that way. You were polite, but firm and made your point. And you made a lot of points not only with him but with everyone else who was there.”

“I wasn’t really trying to make points with anyone. I was just trying to tell them my point of view and how I felt.”

“I think they know. And judging by their reaction to you, you are well accepted by them, and so is Amy. They enjoyed talking to you.”

“I enjoyed talking to them.”

“I did too.”, Amy added. “And I like my Navajo name too.”

“I’m going to miss the two of you when you go home.”, Naainish said. “You make things interesting.”

“Naainish. We’re going to miss you too. You’ve become a real friend. I think we’ll miss everyone that we’ve met out here.”

“We’ll also miss this part of the country.", Amy added. "I think we’ve fallen in love with it.”

We said so long to Naainish, as we figured that we wouldn’t see him again before we left for home on Monday. We then headed back to the resort. We were just going to kick back and relax. And maybe go for a hike and watch a sunset.


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