WARNING, THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS GRAPHIC SEXUAL CONTENT.
Author retains all rights to this original work of fiction.
March 11th, 10:43 PM
The click and thunk of the door shutting reverberated through the room like a cymbal had been struck by a drummer. Why was I so nervous all of a sudden. I searched Paul's face for a sign he was nervous also and without a word he pulled me towards him. "I... Well, I'm not like very
practiced at this... I'm a bit nervous," he said just inches from my face.
"Well, neither am I... You are the first man I've kissed in over a year, so if I suck at it just know I'm out of practice..."
He chuckled and I could smell the sweet scent of alcohol on his breath. "If it's any consolation I think you haven't lost anything in the kissing department..."
If the lighting was better he probably would have seen I was flushed, partially due to the alcohol coursing through my system, but more so because I wanted to kiss him. We were so close, it was easy to get lost in those light brown eyes... I decided to go for it and leaned in to kiss him. Tender, lips in unison, tongues in kind - anxious but not desperate. I literally felt woozy, weak in the knees, and if not for him wrapping his arms around me I might have done something embarrassing - like falling over.
His arms released their hug and I felt his hands move to my hips, while the kissing intensified. I was happy, excited that he was more at ease in the connection we were sharing. There were flashes of raw want, primal and urgent, then slow mind numbing romantic and playful
exploration during our kiss. I could hear my strained breaths rising and falling in volume to our seeking of pleasure and basking in knowing we were certainly having the desired effect on one another. I'm sure I moaned quietly a few times during the minute or so the kiss lasted...
When we broke the kiss I was searching his eyes for the fear I had seen the night before, there wasn't any. It made me smile, to which he asked, "What?"
"Nothing... You have very nice eyes."
"So do you..." he said, kissing me quickly, hugging me again while doing so.
It felt right, like we had been together longer than a couple days - dancing around our wants, denying them until now. When we broke the kiss this time he stepped into me, forcing me back a step and against the wall. A quick look into my eyes and we were kissing again. His hands on my hips, his hips against mine slowly grinding into me, once, then a second time...
HRT effects are different for everyone. I have been asked every question imaginable and then some, in regards to my male parts that remain. That last bastion of 'biological male' only adds to my deep sexual dysphasia anxieties. Yes, dysphasia because what I believe in my heart and soul is constantly called into question because of what hangs between my legs. It is there, I can still feel it, see it, and certainly have to deal with its function daily.
Some people are curious purely on a cerebral level and wanting to understand 'How does it feel?'. While others want to know details to feed their fetish-leaning fantasies. The questions always ranged from:
Do you tuck? Yes, I am usually tucked. Yes, it sucks, but that part of my body is fairly dormant anyway, so whatever...
Did you shrink? What, like laundry? No I didn't shrink - not that I was massive to begin with and it would be way easier if it had shrunk, shrivelled up and fallen off.
Erections? Yes, I still have erections - but they take much more work, namely my mental state has to be overly stimulated. Most times I'm lucky to have mild swelling down there and honestly I couldn't care less about my penis these days. It's a hate / hate relationship...
Do you come? Yes, I can still have an orgasm - but it's not like before beginning HRT. Now there's a muted ejaculation feeling that's not overly satisfying physically and cum that is barely a few pitiful drops. It's not easy to get to that point without a lot of stimulation of the mind.
People always seemed way more interested in my 'junk' than I ever was - I just wanted it gone forever. Imagining erotic pleasures lately always gave me a bigger thrill - until this moment. I was in the midst of what had to be the perfect storm - attraction, longing for intimacy, and an alcohol catalyst. Perfect storm...
Being tucked was becoming uncomfortable and Paul grinding into my hips was not helping. I could feel his excitement protruding like a hard rod between us and every tiny move we made seemed to raise the level of our mutual arousal. I had no idea what the extent of this portion of our evening was going to entail, but I needed to get some control over what was going on with my own arousal and get some relief from the waist down.
I moved my hands to his shoulders and pulled away from a kiss we had both been trying to get lost in. I must have had a concerned look on my face because he asked, "Are you OK?"
This was going to be an awkward conversation. No sooner had I thought that, I could feel a slight lessoning in the swelling I had between my legs. Not exactly comfort inducing, but better. Now what? Do I say something? I didn't want to explain this... Fuck!
Crap! I was taking too long to reply, AUGH! Answer him, "Yes, I'm... I, any... I mean, would you mind if I got more comfortable?"
He looked relieved, a smile on his face said he was relieved. "Sure, you want me to just hang out here?" He looked over to the sofa.
Oh my God... Why is this so complicated? "Sure, if you want or you could... I mean, I'm going in the bedroom. If you want you could come with..."
He was smiling still, but maybe not buying that everything was OK. He still had hold of my hips and I could feel his breath warm in my face as he spoke, "I have no expectations about anything tonight... I just wanted to be with you a little longer."
I could feel my expression change, but I tried to keep my feelings from bleeding out, "Do you need to leave soon?"
Now it was his turn to show disappointment and a questioning look blanketed his face. "No... I just, I... There's like no pressure here. If we just talked and held hands, maybe kissed... I mean that
would be perfect. I'm not pressing for anything but time with you..."
"Oh, OK... I thought you needed to leave..."
"I'll stay until you kick me out, how about that?"
'Aaah, I hope you're prepared not to be going anywhere,' - I thought smiling. "Alrighty then, you stay until I kick you out. In the mean time, I need to be more comfortable, come on..." I took his hand and we walked to the bed room.
March 11th, 11:01 PM
The nightstand light was on in the bedroom and strewn on the bed were outfits I'd consider wearing tonight, but didn't make the cut. I quickly gathered them up, including a couple of bras and panties - embarrassing for sure. I unceremoniously dumped them in a pile on the chair near the window. When I looked back at Paul I wondered if maybe this was a bad idea, he looked interested in my attempts to straighten up. Maybe I was just entertaining - the way I tried to make everything neat, orderly. Was I implying more was going to go on here than he might be comfortable with? No, this was unplanned... Planned and there would be rose pedals on the bed, chocolates, champagne...
Augh... This is ridiculous! Why am I over-thinking this shit? Should I say something? I saw the TV remote and picked it up, extending it to him. "Find something to watch, get comfortable, I'll be right back..."
He smiled and aimed the remote at the TV, while I rummaged through a dresser drawer for something that would give me more freedom, but didn't scream 'slut', yet hid things from the waist down. This shouldn't be that difficult... I grabbed a few things and headed to the bathroom
without saying anything or looking back. I was self-conscious enough right now, every move I made felt like... Augh! Get over yourself! Fuck - focus!
When the door to the bathroom closed I got a momentary respite from feeling like I wasn't being myself - if I listened to any of my inner dialog. I needed these shorts off and to be free from the gaff that kept me from looking obviously male. I unbuckled the small belt buckle, undid the button at the waist, and zipped down the zipper. I let the shorts fall to the floor and stepped out of them.
I hated how my legs being so long made my torso look so short. Then there were my big feet... Augh! I kicked the white Sketchers off, then placed them side-by-side next to the vanity. Are my feet that big? Screw it! I folded the white Old Navy shorts, putting them on the shoes. If Paul came in here I certainly didn't want him thinking I was a slob - though he might already have that thought given the clothes I'd left all over the bed. I looked in the mirror - Yeah, I am out of my element here...
I pulled my panties down, then removed the gaff. There was relief, but intense shame once my cock was free. Why did every positive seem to be flushed down the shitter because of this last bit of my previous self? Stop over-thinking... Why do you do that!?!! This is ridiculous! Move on...
I was a lot less aroused now, so size and swelling, was no longer an issue. I pulled on a cute pair of cheeky panties that were both tight fitting and rode high enough in the front to keep things semi under control. Well, as best as can be expected or until I got aroused again. I grabbed a pair of loose fitting runners shorts to finish up my 'comfort' look. They didn't hide everything going on down there exactly, but at least it was better than suffering an immobilized penis in the gaff - which was your basic bondage encasing device.
I undid the buttons for my top, slid it off my shoulders, and stared at myself in the mirror. Shoulders - too wide... Grrr! Stop! Bra or no bra? Bra... No question - stupid to even consider the other option. I folded the top and added it to the pile of clothes I had taken off. I
had a baggie t-shirt, a compression type tank top, and a loose fitting tank top to choose from. In order it was frumpy comfort, cute but too tight, or nice and comfortable. The loose tank top won out...
I ran a brush through my hair and considered touching up my makeup. No time, I felt like I'd been in here way too long already. Lip gloss? No, not like he's going to notice... Augh! I stepped back for a final inspection. Going to have to be good enough. Why can't I ever be satisfied?
As I opened the door I thought maybe if I was any longer he might be asleep? Wouldn't that be... The room was empty as I entered. My heart sank... I looked out the door to the living room area, no sound, no movement. I was about to panic until I heard the flushing toilet in the other bathroom, followed by the sink being turned on. Relief washed over me... Relax would you?!!?
I hadn't even noticed the TV was on an all music channel, classic soft rock, the song Hotel California by The Eagles was just beginning to play. Not exactly my taste of music, but it wasn't horrid - pretty sure my parents listened to this stuff.
"You look comfortable... Better?"
I spun around quickly. "Ah, yes... Much better." I sounded flustered.
"Good... You look cute. That your running gear?"
Paul was now standing next to me. Why was I a frozen statue? I felt a flurry of emotions and tried to compartmentalize them - excitement, want, comfort, want... Wait I said that, what... Paul took my hand and I just watched, slow motion, freeze frame movements, his lips now on mine, bodies barely touching, electric...
March 11th, 11:16 PM
When the kiss ended I still had my eyes closed, I was mesmerized... I I could have been floating, adrift on a body of water, it was very peaceful. I'm sure it was the alcohol still making me loopy and of course Paul being sexy as... He moved ever so slightly and my eyes popped open. "Where'd you go," he asked.
I know I was blushing, "No where..."
"Your bed too soft?"
What? "Is there such a thing," I said confused.
Paul let his hold on me wane and reached over to the bed, pushing on its top with two hands, then spinning to sit on it - bouncing a few times for good measure. "Oh God! This mattress is so much nicer than mine. I sunk into mine the first night and woke up with back problems. Been
sleeping on the couch since."
I hadn't thought there would be such a wild difference in mattresses in the hotel, but I wasn't going to argue or suggest that he just ask to change rooms. I crawled up onto the bed and plopped my head down on the pillow and sang tauntingly, "Ah... My bed's better than your bed..."
He was watching me and laid back on the bed next to me, rolling over to face me. "Your mattress has something mine doesn't, that's for sure..."
"Me?" I asked playfully...
He was looking at me from across the his pillow. "That's probably the biggest difference..." He lifted his head and moved over to kiss me.
I pulled him closer and got lost in our tongues, lips, and minds giving in to one another. He had a hand at the small of my back pulling me closer and I tried to wrap my arms around him tighter. When his hand moved lower to my ass and squeezed I couldn't help but moan softly. He was gentle, but firm in his grasp of my ass. I tried grinding my hips into his, but feebly it was more like I was rubbing his leg with my slow and awkward gyrations.
That action got his hand running up the back of my tank top caressing me softly - all while our tongues were in a sprint for who could get more from our lips being locked together. I felt a tugging and could feel the strap of my bra being undone. I pulled back from our kiss and was studying his face, he was smiling. "Didn't think I could still do that one handed..." That was followed by a nervous chuckle.
"Oh really? You haven't been practicing today for that move," I said smiling up at him.
"I could try that a hundred times and only be successful thirty percent of the time..."
I giggled, but it was out of nervousness - I hoped the barely B-cup breast waiting for him to discover wasn't going to be a disappointment. Before I could reconcile what might be coming, his left hand snaked between my hold on him, around an overly padded bra - to make things even more awkward, and he had my right breast in his hand. Our gazes on each other never shifted and I was intently studying his face for some reaction, rejection, shock, fear... He squeezed softly, making me suck in a slow breath. I closed my eyes. When his lips touched mine, I felt like I was melting... I wanted him so bad.
The kiss was a mere peck, he was more interested in my cheek... No, my neck and I stiffened and moaned loader than expected when his tongue traced to my ear. I wanted to pull him on top of me, but that wasn't a good idea. I might not have been fully engorged in my running shorts, but any contact between our bodies and that part of my body specifically was going to mortify me beyond explanation. It would certainly be an unwelcome shock to him... Right? He knows...
"Elizabeth..." I heard him whisper.
I shuddered, pawed for his face and kissed him with an intensity I cannot ever remember experiencing in my life. He joined in with as much gusto as I was demanding, squeezing my breast, tracing the now solid nipple, rubbing it, pressing on it... All while I sucked and played with his tongue like I couldn't get enough, gasping for air through flared nostrils...
When he stopped kissing me I wasn't sure what was happening, but a tugging, pulling at my tank top told me he wanted the top off. I tried to catch up and loosely tried to move with his pulling and somehow the tank top, then bra were gone - flying crazily over the edge of the bed... I wished the light was off, his staring at my chest I couldn't read - was he disgusted? Confused?
"Beautiful... Oh, God, you're so beautiful..."
I looked away briefly, and pulled him to me, kissing him softly. "Your turn..." I croaked and pulled at his polo shirt. He obliged willingly and I got my first look at a moderately hairy chest that was more
defined than his baggie shirt let on. I ran a hand through the hair, letting my nails gently scratch his chest. "Oh, I like this a lot..." and playfully rubbed his hairy chest.
That comment was ignored and I watched as he lowered his head to the breast he had cupped in his hand. I could feel the heat of his breath first, then the warmth of his lips, tongue tracing the nipple, sucking sensations, hand squeezing softly... I was on my second or third mental orgasm,
body stiff, one hand locked in his hair encouraging him to continue. It felt beyond words, explanation, I... Fuck me! I mean literally I would scream that at the top of my lungs if it were a possibility...
It was possible of course, but not in the traditional sense. And regardless of what one might see in the porn bullshit online - it takes prep to be ready for that, lube - lots of it, and a partner in the right
mindset. Yes, anal sex could be on the table - but this was not going to be the night for that...
A slurping noise startled me and I arched my back from the pressure of his lips on my nipple. "Auuuahh..." I pulled at his hair to get him to release, but he continued sucking. "Ppppaaall..." and I pushed his face into my breast, smashing it and causing me to squirm. He let me pull his face from my tit and I huffed a few breaths aloud...
"Oh... Oh, my..." he said like a teenage boy enthralled by what he'd just experienced and of course from the reaction he'd just gotten.
I pushed him back and he plopped playfully onto the pillow next to me. "Haha..." I said smiling down at him after crawling over to him so my chest lay on his. I looked at him and kissed him softly, a quick peck...
I was beyond horny now, anxious to ramp this up a little, and maybe take a little control. I was looking at him wondering if I could... "What's up?"
"Nothing..." I said slyly, as I let a hand drift down his side.
"Hey now... I'm ticklish."
"You shouldn't tell me those deepest, darkest secrets. What if I wanted to tie you up? Guess what I'd do to you first?"
"Yeah... I'm not much for being tied up. Little claustrophobic, truth be told."
"Mmmhmm... Not a fan of elevators or enclosed, tight spaces."
"How you going to come visit me in Seattle?" and as soon as I said that I thought maybe that was too forward.
"I can wait for you in the lobby. Don't they have a lobby? Probably a Starbucks in your building? No, that's where your buddy Lisa has her espresso-man crush."
"Lobby yes... The coffee stand Lisa's college kid works at is there... "
"He into her?"
"I don't know, they play a good game of flirting back and forth..." I let my hand move across his waist slowly and could feel him tightening his abs. I smiled at him, he just raised an eyebrow. About the middle, I found the button for his shorts, tugged, and was surprised that it
came undone with barely any effort. Paul's eyes were locked on mine. I unzipped his shorts and wasted no time caressing a very hard cock inside of some kind of athletic spandex type boxers. I could feel a wet spot and paused a finger over it, gently rubbing the sticky wetness...
Paul's breaths were a bit more strained when I started unzipping, there was more strain as I rubbed his cock through the smooth fabric of his boxers. I looked at him, smiled, placed a tiny kiss at his lips and then kissed his chest, moving my lips lower until I was about at his stomach. I repositioned myself lower on the bed, hooked the sides of his shorts and pulled them down while he shimmied a little to help. I tossed them as playfully as he'd tossed my top and bra over the side of the bed... He just watched and smiled, my little tits jiggling with every move I made. I'm sure it was entertaining...
When my fingers hooked the waist band of his boxers he closed his eyes, I pulled them down, and off quickly. His cock jumped and bounced through that momentary awkwardness - he was as firm, rock hard, as expected. When I touch it he inhaled quickly through clenched teeth, letting his breath out slowly in little huffs. I marvelled at its size, which was probably average, but its girth gave him an impressive heft. His eyes remained shut and when I wrapped a hand around his cock he jumped ever so slightly. My turn to make you writhe in ecstasy Mr. Kline...
The last time I was in a position like this, where my lips were this close to a man's cock, was nearly four years ago. I still had a tiny burn mark just above my ankle as a reminder of that night. The lighting being used - one of two basic floor lamps - got knocked over onto me while the head asshole was filming the three of us going at it. His friends fucking me from both ends might sound dreamy - I'd happily tell anyone it's not worth the trouble and not that much fun.
My hero, the 'director', 'filmographer' as he liked to think of himself - moved quickly to get the lamp off me, so the damage was minimal - the scar remained though. The bare bulb from the lamp landed on my ankle causing the burn. Why four years later did I feel it now? Ghost burn? I hoped Paul's expectations were lower than what he likely saw in that video - an easy one to find with me in it online... I assumed he had seen it and others... Augh! Hello self-doubt! Fuck You!
This is going to be like riding a bike - something you don't forget how to do. It was certainly nerve-racking to be wondering, to worrying, to over-think whether I could do this and do it right. If I over-think this I'm going to ruin the moment. Only one way to find out if I can...
I ran a finger through the slick, sticky precum at the tip of Paul's cock. He shook with the slightest of jolts. I looked up at him, his eyes were closed still - OK good, don't watch me... I looked back to my hand, surreal to see it holding him, and slowly wrapped my lips around the head. This time his jolting was more pronounced, a thrust to be further inside of my mouth, and a small cry of pleasure. I felt powerful and at the same time energized, alive, and very satisfied with all the ways this was making me feel inside.
My free hand slid slowly between his legs to cup his balls as I made that first trip down the shaft. I kept my lips tightly against his shaft, tongue guiding him deeper into my wide open mouth, and quicker than expected my lips were at my fingers wrapped solidly around the base of his cock. Slow down... The head of Paul's cock was taking up every bit of space at the back of my throat - not yet to the gag stage, but if I removed my hand - it certainly would be.
I was so focused on my conquest - getting nearly every inch of him inside my mouth - it took me a moment to hear and feel his breathing change. Tight, shallow huffs and with every movement I made they became more strained, alive. My mouth made the return trip up his shaft and slurped loudly at the tip - which got me a satisfying little jump from his hips and a low moan. I rolled my eyes and head slightly to see if he was watching - nope, eyes still shut. Why hadn't I thought to turn the light out?
I blew on the head of his cock, while jacking it slowly, rhythmically, then letting just the tip play 'peek-a-boo' between my lips. I was moving slowly, but Paul's hips were straining to not thrust, pump wildly. We were out of sync more times than in - so I took more of him in my mouth. While not exactly in unison he seemed to struggle less and his moans, little cries, peeps of pleasure became louder, more desperate. I was sure I added to the symphony of noises myself, though
not as intense as Paul. Could he hear me?
When I felt a hand on my shoulder I stopped all movement and slide my lips off his cock. I know we were in the room alone, but being touched surprised me - though it shouldn't have. I looked to his face, he was watching me. I slowly let my grip slip from around his cock and stopped
cupping his balls...
He looked concerned. "You.. I... That feels so amazing. Don't have to..."
I felt shy for some reason. Wouldn't be because I was nearly between his legs, little tits jiggling wildly and free as I was sucking his cock, or being partially erect myself in not baggie enough running short? Seriously - how much more embarrassing could this moment get? His hand touched the side of my face, I leaned into it breaking our gaze at each other. "I'm... I want
When he didn't say anything, I took a quick peek at him, then lowered my head to his cock, lips parting slowly, gliding him inside my mouth, while I wrapped my hand around the base of his shaft again. I began bobbing my head up and down his cock, slowly at first, then picking up the pace.
Cupping his balls got a shudder from him and he began moving his hips in unison with my sucking of his cock. Slow, fast, his thrusts were bouncing off the back of my mouth. A few times I gagged a muffled gurgle, suppressed many others... To his credit he would ease trying to jam himself
down my throat after hearing my discomfort.
I was squeezing his balls, jacking his shaft, trying to keep my jaw from hurting from keeping a steady pressure on a very his thick cock. He moaned, cried out through clenched teeth, caressed my cheek, moved my hair to the side, but I kept going... At some point I pulled him from my mouth, huffed loudly a few breaths, and was right back to trying to get this man to come.
Shifting to my knees, I crawled between his legs and felt his body stiffen as I slurped loudly at the head of his cock... He was close. I sped up jacking him while concentrating my lips on the bulbous bright red head of his cock. Then with a loud groan, I felt his hands trying to hold my face, his hips were thrusting... His cock slipped from between my lips and before I could get the head
of his cock back in my mouth I got the first forceful spray of cum on my face. He was crying in ecstasy, trying to push his cock back into my mouth while twisting my head the wrong direction. The second burst of cum went into my hair... Paul's body became very rigid as one hand pulled at the sheets and the other tried to guide my face back to his cock.
I pulled on his cock while he was thrusting his hips off the bed and got his cock between my lips, plunging him fully in my mouth until my face was buried in his pubes. I was grinding my lips against my fingers that had a death grip around his shaft, trying not to gag while he bucked his hips. His third spurt of cum was now in my mouth and I loosened my lips around his cock so as to let it dribble out.
I have never liked cum in my mouth. It was not sexy, it was not a conquest spoil I ever enjoyed. It was sticky, thick, and smelled like bleach to me. Sure the male orgasm is something I loved producing - I just wish the resulting ejaculate wasn't so... I could feel his seed coating my hand and with that added as lube I jacked him quickly a few times. That got me muffled cries and when I looked up, Paul had a pillow over his face. I couldn't help but smile...
Easy as riding a bike, I guess...
::: --- :::
I would like to acknowledge the assistance of Bronwen Welsh in proofreading
and giving me insightful advice. She is an accomplished author in her own right
and I appreciate her time more than I can say... Also a few other's who reached
out to help me correct minor Oops! on my part (check your emails). Thank You
All!!! If you liked this chapter 'Thumps Up' me! Thanks!!
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