My name is Gwall Gramadegol. I’m a fairy. I’m proud to be a fairy!

I come from an ancient and proud family of faeries. No, no, not the degenerate Tinkerbell variety. Think Oberon and Morgan le Fay (yes, she was one of us). Powerful, proud and mean. Even evil if you prefer. As a matter of fact I’m the grandson of Oberon. Junior branch though.

You’d think that with that ancestry I’d be one of the more powerful faeries. No such luck. My relatives have made my parents’ life awkward, and mine hell, because I didn’t fit in among the rest of the royal family. Weak magic and no imposing presence, if anything I was called cute. I hated that! I wanted to be like my cousins; big, strong, powerful, mean and just oozing of manliness. Tough luck!

Despite all this my life was OK until I visited a bar for humans in my native Hamburg. My father had relocated before I was born so I was raised with German as my first language and thus no one could hear that I wasn’t a regular human German.

I was feeling a bit depressed after an incident in a Seven Elven so I was looking into my beer and not seeing the man that approached me until he said

- G’day

A balding middle aged man stood there. He sat down without me inviting him. OK, so you come across rude people in bars. I usually could handle that quite well. He introduced himself as Oscar Zoroaster Phadrig Isaac Norman Henkle Emmannuel Ambroise Diggs ”but just call me Oscar”. OK, I thought and prepared to make my escape as soon as I could. However, it turned out he was a good person to talk with. He was interesting. He was funny. His English was a bit strange but he was exactly what I needed at that moment. As we talked I got more and more fascinated by him. However, I thought I could feel a slight tingling of magic. As I told you my own magic is weak but I can sense it and I had a good e-wand. Hey, just because we are an ancient race doesn’t mean that we can’t keep up with technology. The wand automatically keeps a ten minute recording so I ran a Spell-check on that part of the conversation. I was getting a suspicious as Oscar started to look worried. No matter, the wand told me that there was no spell being woven. Lots of bad grammar though but that didn’t bother me.

After a while we left the bar and went to a small quaint shop where I got the most stunning short dress and some lovely lingerie. The very high heels gave me a bit of a problem at first but I loved the way my legs looked. I got several outfits in the same vein, some skimpy swimwear and lots and lots of nice lingerie and then we left Hamburg for a Caribbean Island the same night. Well, I’m not going to kiss and tell but the next three months were fabulous. They passed in a pink cloud of romance.

It all lasted until one night in a restaurant when Oscar complimented me and I answered

- I’m enchanted, my dear Sir

Then I realized that I really was enchanted. With an effort I summoned all my limited powers and managed to break the spell. As soon as Oscar saw this – Pouf – and he literally vanished into thin air.

My parents were happy to see me again and enveloped me in their love. My infatuation with Oscar was broken but my love to feminine clothing remained. I tried to go back to the, admittedly imperfect, male I had been before. I failed miserably. I was uncomfortable not just in the male clothing. Everything about being male just bothered me. My mother finally sat down with and explained that Oscar’s spell had released something inside me that had been there all the time. My very powerful, and loving, mother explained that even if she had wanted to, trying to mess with that would be extremely dangerous. She loved me as her daughter. I had never been a happy child. Now, when I presented as female I was happy and that made her and my father happy. "Besides", she added, "you're really, really beautiful".

While that explained the part of the spell I couldn’t reverse I still couldn’t understand how Oscar could have cast that spell on me in the first place. I had used the spellchecker! My father had a look at my e-wand.

- You had your spellchecker set at the Queen’s English
- Of course I had it on English! If I had had it on German it wouldn’t have worked!
- You realize that there are several versions of English out there?
- Well, English is English, isn’t it?
- No my son, eh, daughter. English is not always English or rather UK. So you had the wrong setting for dealing with the Wizard of Oz!

My name is Gwall Gramadegol. I’m a fairy. I’m proud to be a fairy! I’m powerful. I can have any male under my spell in minutes.