Erika couldn’t believe how cold she still felt after returning from Hollywood. She didn’t care for wearing pants. She felt that they were too masculine and preferred the freedom of skirts and dresses, but the cold winter of Constitution had her wearing the dreaded item of clothing.

She placed her cold fingers in the folds of her pink sweater under her arms. The sweater was just the outermost layer of clothing. Under it she wore a white T-shirt and under that a pink camisole. Those, along with the breast forms and bra helped keep her upper body warm. Her white jeans, adorned with sequins and clear gems, she wore over some white tights. Her toes were thankful for the warm, thick socks and the light gray leather boots that hugged her calves.

“Erika?” Dr. Barts called from the door.

Erika smiled and rose in the manner that she had seen Brook. She wasn’t quite as graceful as Brook yet, but she had been practicing that one move in particular.

Erika smiled at Dr. Barts as she entered her office.

“You look amazing.” Dr. Barts greeted.

“Thank you.” Erika took her customary seat.

“Your mother was quite pleased when you asked to come see me.” Dr. Barts took a seat and pulled out her notes. “How have you been?”

“Pretty good for the most part.” Erika stated. “I’ve had a few things happen that I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh?” Dr. Barts raised an eyebrow. Erika first came kicking and screaming to these sessions, and it had been like pulling teeth to get her to open up. Now she was wanting to talk. This was a big step forward.

“I had an incident with a team mate.” Erika started. She told Dr. Barts of what went down between her and Taylor as well as Melinda. “I was just trying to make things right and I still got it wrong.”

“Who says that you got it wrong?” Dr. Barts asked.

“Everyone.” Erika shrugged. “Samantha, obviously Taylor.

“It sounds to me that you did what you thought was best, but you just didn’t get the results you had hoped for.” Dr. Barts smiled at her. “You’re taking the initiative in trying to right what you perceived as wrong is a big step. One that you wouldn’t have taken a year ago.”

Erika nodded agreement. Of course, Eric would never have joined the Rally squad in the first place, but she understood where Dr. Barts was coming from.

“This is a pretty mundane predicament.” Dr. Barts held Erika’s gaze. “What else did you come to see me for?”

Erika took a deep breath. Sometimes Dr. Barts was to perceptive. She was kind of glad of that now. “I’ve had some strange things happen lately.” She said. “I… I kissed a guy and I liked it. Not only did I like it, I like him. I am attracted to him.” She found herself curling up on the couch almost to fetal position. “I’ve never been attracted to boys, ever. But when I’m with him? He makes me feel… special, feminine… amazing.” She smiled at the memories of her time with Hunter.

“Does this boy know about you?” Dr. Barts asked.

Erika shook her head. “I’ve kind of danced around the topic. My mom told him that I was a tomboy. He knows that I had a brain tumor and that I occasionally have a seizure, but he doesn’t know about my being Trans.”

“So, he treated you like a girl without knowing that you hadn’t always been one.” Dr. Barts stated.

“Yes, but others have too.” She quickly told Dr. Barts about Julian and her occasions with Jake. “Hunter just treated me so different, It wasn’t just that.” She went on. “I was honestly attracted to him. I haven’t been that attracted to anyone since well since Samantha.”

“What about your current girlfriend?” Dr. Barts inquired.

“I love her.” Erika affirmed. “I just don’t feel with her what I feel with Hunter.”

Dr. Barts put down her pad of notes and gave Erika a genuine smile. Erika realized that she was no longer in fetal position but sitting upright again.

“You’ve been taking your hormones, right?”

Erika nodded.

“Many Trans people, not all, begin to become attracted to the opposite gender after they’ve been taking hormones.” She explained. “The hormones along with the treatment they receive from the opposite gender… well, your brain starts to kind of reprogram.”

Erika nodded understanding. “So, it is possible that the hormones are partially a cause.” It was a statement not a question.

Dr. Barts smiled with a nod. “How does that make you feel?”

“A bit better.” Erika admitted. “I’ve been really confused the past few days.”

--o0o—

Bundled up in her overcoat, Erika walked with her mother out to the car.

“Did you get what you needed?” her mother inquired.

Erika nodded. “I was trying to figure out how I could be attracted to Hunter.” She opened up to her mother. “Dr. Barts explained that it is partially the HRT.

“That is interesting.” Her mother started up the car. “I have to admit, he is a very attractive guy.”

“Mom!”

Her mother smiled. “I just don’t want you to get your hopes up. You’ll need to tell him about what you are going through. He might not want to continue a relationship with you after.”

Erika’s high after talking with Dr. Barts dropped. Her mother was right. A Hollywood leading man wouldn’t want to be seen dating a Transgender girl. It could ruin his career.

Erika was quiet on the way home. It had been hard enough telling friends about her, how would it be telling Hunter? Just because he seemed like a great guy didn’t mean that he would take finding out that she was Trans well. If she came right out and told him, she risked losing him, but then again, if she didn’t tell him and he found out, she would definitely lose him.

Telling him would be the best option, but how? Samantha knew from the beginning, Tricia knew and didn’t care. Some of the girls in the cabin at Camp Kumoni were hesitant. Like Victoria who at one point was going to out her. Luckily Victoria had changed her mind about Erika. Telling her mother was one of the hardest things she had done. At camp, she had the support of her cabin mates with that and her mother thought it would be a passing phase. She and her mother had had some rough times of the past few months, but she was starting to feel closer to her mother than she had since she was a little boy.

“Do you have homework?” her mother asked when she parked the car.

Erika nodded. “Yes. I’m still trying to catch up from what I missed while in California.”

Once she was safely in her room, Erika pulled out her laptop and set to work. She was halfway through writing an essay when her phone rang.

Her heart skipped a beat when she saw that it was Hunter.

“Hey.” She greeted.

“Hey yourself.” It was so good to hear Hunter’s voice. “What are you up too? It isn’t too late there is it?”

“No. Just working on an essay for school.”

“Yuck.”

“It’s not too bad.

“I had to call.” Hunter stated. “I couldn’t get you out of my mind.”

Erika felt giddy. Hunter had been thinking of her. Maybe almost as much as she had been thinking of him.

“I fly to Sao Palo tomorrow.” Hunter reminded. “I’m not sure of the phone coverage or wifi capabilities while I’m there and needed to hear your voice again.”

Oh my God he was so sweet.

“I was just talking about you to a friend today.” Erika didn’t need to tell him that it was Dr. Barts.

“Hopefully it was good stuff.”

“Most of it.”

“I really enjoyed spending time with you while you were here.” Hunter told her. “After I get done in Brazil, perhaps we can spend some time together again?”

“That would be fun.” She didn’t want to sound too needy. She needed to tell him but telling a possible boyfriend that you were Trans just wasn’t something one did over the phone. “You’ll be gone for a month?”

“Yea. Hopefully, if all goes well, sooner. Oh, I saw Cass yesterday. She said to say ‘hi’.”

“That was nice.” Erika returned. “Let her know I said ‘Hi’ back. And that I really like her and her music.”

“Okay. Say, when is your spring break?”

“I haven’t thought that far ahead.” Erika admitted. “I’ve been busy with school and of course my trip.”

“Let me know when it is. Perhaps I can fly out to Constitution and visit.”

Hunter wanted to fly to Constitution? To spend time with her? She flushed at the thought of someone liking her that much.

“That would be cool, but there really isn’t much to do around here.” She told the truth. It would still be quite cold and if someone wanted to do something around Constitution, they would go elsewhere.

“Just hanging out with you would be enough.”

Erika’s heart really did skip a beat then. Memories of him flooded not just her mind, but her body as well. Hunter holding her on the beach. Of his chest trembling under her fingers, of his lips feathering across hers. Was it possible for one’s body to physically miss someone?

“You can introduce me to your friends. Perhaps go bowling or something.” He suggested.

“Bowling?” Erika questioned.

“Sure. Most towns have bowling alleys, right?”

Erika giggled. “I didn’t take you as much of a bowler.”

“I’m not, but as long as we’d be together, who cares.”

The two made small talk for half an hour more. Just hearing one another’s voice was fantastic. She knew she had missed him, but the conversation confirmed that she had.

-o0o-

“You got some mail from Mr. Winters.” Her mother told her at the dinner table. She handed Erika an envelope.

Erika tore into it and held up a letter and a check. She glanced over the letter, it was had a lot to do with business and numbers, she handed it to her father. She took a look at the check and gasped.

“What is it?” her mother asked.

Erika held the check out for her mother to see.

“Holy Crap!” her mother swore.

“I know, right?” Erika was still trying to wrap her head around the figure printed on it.

“This will need to go to your college fund.” Her mother stated.

“All of it?” Erika whined.

“No.” her father entered the conversation. “I think we should put a third of it aside for future business expenses. “Mr. Winters isn’t going to pay for your flights out to Hollywood or put you up in hotels for free.”

Her mother nodded.

“Right now, I think ten percent is more than enough for what you need.”

Erika quickly did the math in her head. That would still give her plenty of money to buy new clothes, eat out or perhaps buy a new laptop.

“This is from Teen Magazine?” her mother questioned.

Her father looked up from the letter and nodded.

Her mother looked at Erika. “I think this means that you made the cover.”

Erika was beside her self. The cover? She, a new model, let alone a new girl, was on the cover of Teen Magazine? It was a national magazine. Girls all over the nation were going to be seeing her. This was crazy. She was just Erika. A Trans girl who just started her transition. Last year she was still a boy, now she was a model on the cover of Teen magazine? Samantha was the pretty one. She was the blonde beauty. How could it be possible that she, Erika, could be the one? It was just too surreal.

Part of her wanted to scream, the other to rush to the phone, to tell Samantha and Hunter, oh and Tricia. The problem was that Hunter was out of reach for the moment.
The thought that she was more excited to tell Hunter than Tricia was suddenly bothering her. She loved Tricia, but she loved Hunter too. Dr. Barts had said that the hormones that she was taking could make her more inclined to be attracted towards men. Was it the hormones? She had after all kissed Jake and it wasn’t horrible. And one of those times was before she had started hormones. In that case, it could have been the egg-nog, couldn’t it?

--o0o—

Erika pulled the white tights up over her calves and thighs. The nylon hugged her legs, feeling like a second skin. It was still quite cold out, but she was tired of wearing pants. She missed the freedom and feel of her skirts and dresses. She stepped into a wool straight skirt and tucked in a white blouse into the waist before zipping it up. She scrunched her curls and spritzed them with a bit of hair spray before slipping her feet into boots.

“That’s cute.” Her mother greeted with coffee and toast.

“I got the skirt from one of the photo shoots.” Erika spun for her mother’s approval.

“I might have to borrow it.” Her mother smiled.

Erika glared at her. “Seriously?”

“Just saying.” Her mother shrugged

Samantha should be there anytime to pick her up for school. Erika chowed down on her toast and drank her coffee as quickly as she dared. Her phone rang, it was Samantha.

“We have a problem.” Samantha said without greeting.

“What is it?” Erika asked.

“Your signs, and billboards have been vandalized all over town.”

“What do you mean?” Erika’s heart sank. Again? She thought.

“Everyone that I’ve seen, busses, billboards and bus stops have been spray painted. You’re not going to like this.” Samantha explained. “They all have been painted with ‘Tranny’.

Erika’s heart stopped. She tried to grab ahold of the counter as her knees buckled but her body wouldn’t react. Her butt hit the floor with a thud as the world around her began to fade before her eyes.

“Erika?” her mother was over her. “Erika, are you, all right? Did you just seize? Erika?”

Erika could hear Samantha’s voice coming faintly through her cell. She couldn’t make out the words, just her worried voice.

“Mom! Erika wailed.”

“What happened? What is it?” her mother’s voice was full of concern.

Tears flooded from Erika’s eyes. “Mom.” She wailed.

Her mother picked up the phone. “What happened, Samantha?” She asked.

Erika’s mother’s face grew ashen as she heard what Samantha had told her. “How many?” she asked. “I see.”

“No, go ahead and come here first.” She hung up Erika’s phone, pulled out her own and dialed. “John, someone has vandalized Erika’s billboards with ‘Tranny’. I hear that they tagged more than one. Bus stops, and others too. I’ve got her here. Yes. Yes. Okay.”

“Your father is calling the ad agency.” She told Erika.

“I can’t go to school, now.” Erika wailed. “I can’t.”

“You can’t hide from this either.” Her mother’s voice gained an edge. “You knew that people finding out was a possibility. Now you’re going to have to face it.”

The front door burst open and Samantha flew around the corner and into the main living area. “I am so sorry.” She fell to Erika’s side. “We’ll find who did this and make them pay.

Erika looked up at her best friend. “We already have an idea who is behind this.” She wanted to sob some more. “How can we make them pay? Huh? It’s just going to start all over.”

“We don’t know for sure that it was one of them.” Samantha helped Erika to her feet. “We need to get you cleaned up and to school.”

“What?” Erika wailed. “I can’t go there now.”

“You have to.” Samantha directed. “And you have to show that this vandalism doesn’t bother you.”

“What?”

“You can be angry, but you cannot, and I mean it, you cannot let them see that you are upset over it. Everyone will know that it is true if you don’t show at school. You need to refute it, deny it. Make them question the validity of it.”

“Easy for you to say.” Erika was pushed into her bathroom.

“Or…” Samantha ran some water to clear away racoon eyes and smudged makeup. “You can come out of the closet and act like it is no big deal. Own it.”

Erika stared at Samantha, her eyes giant saucers.

“It’s your choice.” Samantha stated. “I’ll support you either way.”

Erika’s eyes looked at her reflection. Memories of the treatment of ‘the plague’ flashed through her memories. People treating her differently. She just wanted to be treated normal. Was that too much to ask?

“I can’t. I’m not ready.” She shook her head, her fringe swayed and bounced just above her eyes.

“Then you must be an actress and pretend that this doesn’t bother you, as if it is a lie.” Samantha instructed. “You have to look amazing and like you don’t care.”

“I have a hard-enough time acting like that on a good day.” Erika protested. “How am I going to do that today?”

Samantha looked at her. “If you don’t? they will win. Come on, lets make you look fabulous.” Samantha helped Erika with her makeup. “Ignore your phone.” Samantha told her. Mine’s been blowing up all morning.

“You decided to go to school after all?” her mother questioned as the two friends emerged from Erika’s room.

Erika nodded. “I’ve got to.”

“Do you want me to call the school?” her mother asked.

Erika thought for a moment. “No. I need to try to do this on my own.” With Samantha’s help she mentally added.

On our way. Erika text Tricia as they started off.

Tricia: Did you hear about your billboards?

Erika: Yes. Going to try and ignore them.

Tricia: Ready and waiting. Remember you have friends

Erika: I know. I love you.

Victoria text her: My phone is blowing up. Should I print the article? I can have it delivered at lunch time.

Erika: No. Meet us in the parking lot in a few minutes.

“Krystal and Jorge want to know what to say.” Samantha told her. “I told them to deny everything for now.”

A few minutes later, Samantha parked her car and the three friends got out, took a deep breath and prepared for the onslaught