The seduction: part 17

after Lauren.jpg


Chapter forty five: The nitty gritty.

Monika went home much more relaxed this time. Maybe Maureen would really understand what she was trying to teach her and be bold enough to confront her professors with it. She remembered the story of Victor Schauberger, a simple Austrian forester, who had discovered things about water and physics, that turned scientific beliefs on their head. A physics professor from Vienna had gone to meet Schauberger and spent quite a long time with him. He was reported to have said to his Dean:
“It is just as well that I am going into retirement when this semester is over. That way I do not have to go back and tell my students, that everything I have taught them has just been proven wrong.”

‘Maybe’ Monika thought ‘Maureen is as lucky with at least one of her professors’. But she had to admit to herself, that the chances for that were rather slim.

Stephanie and Maureen spent the evening trying to find explanations for how Monika had done what she had.
“You know,” Stephanie finally said “If your Gran is thought of as a witch, what would they make of Monika?”
“My grandmother is a school girl by comparison to her.” Maureen sighed “I have to admit that she frightens me a little, even though I know she means well. It just doesn’t sit well at all with what I believed so far.”
“My love,” Stephanie said softly “You are pretty much in the same place she was thirty years ago. You have a wonderfully capable scientific mind, but what you see and hear defies science. Yet I think, deep down inside you know it’s the truth and that frightens you. Just as it did her, I bet.”
“What is it like for you, my little angel?”
“My love, I have just recently discovered a whole new world inside myself and the ability to sing like an angel. Also I have discovered a deep connection to nature. My heart tells me to trust Monika, while my mind is screaming blue murder.”
“Oh sweetie, I am so glad that it isn’t natural for you either. But I am slowly accepting the fact, that I have you as living proof in front of myself, proof that she is probably right with everything she says.”

On that note they finally went to bed, finding comfort in each other’s arms. Both of them slept well and woke up refreshed and more clear the next morning. They shared breakfast with Bhavana and Madelaine, who both asked how they were getting on with Monika. Maureen as well as Stephanie felt a lot more confident after the night’s sleep and said so.
“That woman,” Bhavana said “would probably freak 90% of all holy men in India out of their minds. You two are more than just lucky to have met her. That is no coincidence, that was fate, pure and simple. She must have such an amazing Karma.”
“I always knew you had a much deeper spirituality than your frivolous life-style suggest, Bhavana.” Madelaine teased her.
“Oh shut up you!” Bhavana giggled “It is always you who says there are no coincidences.”
That made both their housemates laugh. They finished breakfast in a happy mood together and then Bhavana and Madelaine went off to their respective jobs.

Maureen and Stephanie went into the lounge to cuddle on the sofa until Monika arrived. She arrived well prepared. She had made a copy of Stephanie’s chart (by hand again, of course), but this time she had marked certain points with month and year according to the way she used the chart as a calendar of energies, so to speak. She also brought a copy of her own chart, marked in a similar fashion. She thanked Stephanie for the offer of a coffee, but said she had had some nice coffee with breakfast and they would have a lot of ground to cover. Maureen sighed deeply.
“You know, Monika,” she started “as much as I appreciate you taking a high intelligence for granted in both, me and Stephanie, I am struggling to follow you.”

On that there was the motherly smile again that like the last time made Maureen cry. Monika sat down next to her and gently stroked her cheek, then took her in her arms and let her cry, Stephanie looking on in awe. Monika gave her a wink to indicate the situation wasn’t serious in her opinion. Stephanie shook herself almost like a wet dog and then a smile crept on her face as Maureen’s head sank onto Monika’s shoulder. She nodded and just sat on the other side of Maureen, waiting for the catharsis to end. As soon as Maureen had stopped sobbing Monika started to speak softly to her.
“Maureen, every child loves her/his mother. But sometimes that love must be thwarted, because the mother is not suited for the child. If I am any judge of things I’d say she was already disappointed by your father by the time of your birth. On top of that she envies your apparently huge intelligence. So you became the symbol for two things she perceived as failures. That projected onto you and you feel yourself a failure, because you could not win her love with who you are.”
Maureen’s eyes were rather wide as she looked at Monika.
“You know,” she said “you explain that so easily and you are only roughly guessing my chart. In all the therapy I have done during my studies it did not even surface.”

Monika laughed joyfully at that and even Stephanie could not help a grin.
“Did I not tell you Döbereiner said the studies of psychology should be replaced by astrology?”
And suddenly Maureen giggled. She hugged Monika fiercely.
“Thank you, you lovely witch, for completely breaking my world apart.”
Monika went back to being serious.
“Seriously, love, to seek and find Stephanie and win her love, that was such a wonderful feat of the purest love. And now that you know that you could do that, do you realise that your parents are lost souls by their own doing?”
She sadly shook her head.
“Once were past 28 to 29 years of age, the Saturn return, were past the threshold of adulthood. From then on we have to acknowledge responsibility for everything that happens in our lives. No more excuses, no more blaming childhood or parents. From then on everything is due to who we became since puberty. Of course everybody gets several chances to still complete their puberty even past that time, but the lessons get more harsh, every time we refuse to learn them. The goal, you see, is for all to develop their true potential. Total freedom and yet total responsibility. Sometimes I wish I could time travel and talk to someone like Bakunin, Marx or Feuerbach for example, because in my opinion total anarchy is also perfect order.”
“Monika,” Maureen asked “Is there anything you have NOT read?”
“Honey, my father was recruited as an agent of the Comintern during his time as a newspaper correspondent in Shanghai, China. I had to know, whom I was dealing with. He never told me he was a spy, though. But he always preached communism. I read Mao, too, Lenin, Stalin and Molotow. All of them so narrow minded and misguided. But we digress.”

“We do!” Stephanie agreed “but when do you ever have a chance to listen to someone so well read? Do people today even know who these guys or what their ideas were?”
“Few, Stephanie, and even fewer understand the lessons of history. But with my help I hope at least you two will understand your own and that of your fellow ‘researchers’ (she put that in air brackets), as they are looking for the same thing only they want to understand and accept themselves. That the two of you have done by falling in love with one another. Do you agree?”
“Wholeheartedly!” Stephanie agreed.
“I am getting there, Monika. Keep going, please.” Maureen said.
“Well, lets work with the assumption, that the building blocks of the chromosomes represent a similar structure to a horoscope, meaning a general structure, the possibility of a progressing emotional development and what the outcome could be. In astrology we are talking of four layers or quadrants that make a whole. The physical, the emotional, the encounters – let us say the influence on and from the surroundings – and here I include people, events and nature and finally the effect. And, the German being a precise language, the word Gestalt describes the whole lot in its entirety. And so the horoscope is an image of the Gestalt a person can achieve. For you, Stephanie, for example, all the lives you affect with your songs will finally become part of your Gestalt as the effect of your being in this world. In German I would call that your Erwirktes. Also all those, whom you help, Maureen, will become part of yours.”

She paused a moment then continued.
“Following that thought, what do you think the farce people nowadays call Gestalt therapy can do? But that’s beside the point.”
“So,” she continued with a smile “all we have to do is establish the correlations.”
“How many lifetimes have we got?” Maureen asked.
“Just this one. I am not a great believer in Karma and reincarnation. As far as I am concerned this is the only shot we get. A great responsibility. And a great chance. You two are doing fine, if you ask me.”
“You really should teach, Monika.” Stephanie commented.
“Stephanie, my dear, starting with Moses, going on to Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha and who else, when has a teaching not been tuned into a religion and been misused by power hungry priests? Krishnamurty had understood that and never accepted disciples. I think I’ll stick to touching those I happen to meet, like you two, and be content.”

“Right,” she continued “do we know anything at all what the building blocks are and what they do?”
“Practically nothing, Monika.” Maureen replied. We have an idea of their shape and that they are like spirals of some sort, but there seem to be thousands of them in one chromosome.”
“In that case I recommend we stick to astrology in preference to both your disciplines. You probably could spend a lifetime with that research, but it may take as long as it did the astrology to get where it is today, roughly seven thousand years. Once we have made some sense of all the horoscopes and possibly have established some similarities between the charts and the DNA and DNS with Jacqueline’s help, you may have to turn it into some pseudo scientific lingo and sell it as science, Maureen. Unless – of course – you decide to just follow your own realisations, work with them to make peoples lives better, and science be damned.”

“How did you cope, when you encountered this astrology for the first time?” Stephanie asked for Maureen’s sake.
“Just like your love, Stephanie, with great difficulty. But I managed to keep both parts in my life, by being a master lighting technician and generally a good technician on one hand and then by applying scientific principles to watching the events of my life unfold. I can so relate to Socrates.”
“I know that I know nothing.” Stephanie mumbled.
Monika laughed.
“Yeah, Stephanie, that too. You know I hated Latin at first, due to fucking primitive Caesar and then Greek, because the whole bullshit came again from another even earlier time through Xenophon’s ‘Anabasis’.”
She actually giggled at that.
“But later, for the first time when at 19 I was able to communicate with some Italians in Rome with Latin, and a lot later again, when I suddenly could relate to all the Greek myths through astrology, I had to admit, that my father had done me a favour.”
“it is so sad, that people believe the bullshit they learn at school. I f you read both, Xenophon and Caesar with an open mind, you’ll realise, that all they are are simple minded, brutal, insensitive, power hungry and destructive politicians.”

“But, we digress again. This is such a vast topic really. I tell you, once you really understand astrology, the next is to find out about the extent of human folly. You, me, Jacqueline, Claire and Sinead, we are – in my opinion – attempts of nature to correct where human nature has gone haywire. You Stephanie, will probably understand best, why technical and spiritual me have married in my efforts to further renewable energy. For me that is the way to live the nourishing, caring, essentially female part of myself, while the technical me tries to create and promote the technical means to live according to the nourishing principle, without losing comfort or having to work too hard.”
“Oh, I understand you a lot better now.” Stephanie sighed “And I now can grasp what the duality you speak about is. Everything has two extremes it can develop towards and it is your free will, that makes the decisions what it will be.”
“Yes, Stephanie, I could not have summed it up better.”


Chapter forty six: an evening with stories.

It was just as well, that at that point they heard Claire’s car parking in the drive, as Maureen had once again reached capacity. Stephanie went to open the door for her two friends, who both were amazed at the fact that Monika was here still and would be again for some time to come. As the three of them came into the lounge both Monika and Maureen got up to greet them and Monika simply kissed both of them like Maureen and as she assumed Stephanie had done. Claire and Jacqueline were as surprised as Stephanie had been, when she had seen Monika first. Stephanie did the introductions.
“Claire, Jacqueline, this is Monika, who has helped Maureen and me to try and make sense of the data we received about the chromosomes and other DNA markers of all our participants.”
Monika addressed herself at Jacqueline first.
“You must be Jacqueline, as I can see the genetic similarities to Stephanie in your appearance.” she grinned turning to Claire “So it isn’t hard to assume, that you are Claire.”

Stephanie could not help a giggle, as both her friends had a kind of puzzled expression on their faces.
“There will be a lot more things about Monika that will amaze or even freak you. But she means well.”
“And I am a transgender woman just like the two of you.” Monika added.
“You are very outspoken about that.” Claire said with a slight frown.
“Yes, Claire, I actually am proud of it. It was such a hard struggle to become who I am today, lot’s of reasons to be proud of it.”
“Well,” Jacqueline replied “That certainly is a way of looking at it, that I have not heard expressed before. But I assume, that once I have reached my fifties, I might actually agree with you.”
“Thanks for the nice compliment, Jacqueline, my actual age is going to be sixty three in September.”
“Wow!” was all Claire managed to say.

“Stephanie has told me the lovely story how the four of you met for the first time and how she found you, Jacqueline, sitting in front of her for the job interview. It is such a lovely story from real life, even though it sounds like a fairy tale.”
“Yeah,” Jacqueline laughed “that was what Stefan promised me. And then Stephanie kept his promise.”
“She is someone very special and so is Maureen. We are all special, but some, like those two, as a couple and individually, are extra special. Have you heard Stephanie sing yet?”
“Sing?” Claire asked wide eyed.
“Yes, sing. Like the beautiful little angel she is. I have not heard her either and since it is part of the story of her holiday, I hope we’ll hear her later.”
“OK, the introductions over, can I offer anyone a drink?” Maureen asked.
“A tea or coffee would be nice.” Claire replied.
“I’ll join if it is coffee.” Monika agreed.

So they repaired to the kitchen, where it got a little cramped again, but nobody seemed to mind. Once everyone had their beverage Jacqueline had to ask her question.
“So You are the former colleague of my neighbour?”
“Yes, isn’t it interesting, that I have already been to the house you live in?” Monika asked.
“She was rather flustered after you read her horoscope.”
“Most people are.” Monika replied with a grin “Ask Stephanie and Maureen.”
Jacqueline looked questioningly at her friends.
“Unless you already have met a real astrologer, Jacqueline,” Stephanie said “who already has blown through your presumptions about astrology, a reading by Monika is certainly going to leave you speechless. She has more than 30 years of experience in counselling with astrology. And the system she uses … I have never seen or heard of anything that complex.”
“So what are you wanting me to do in this? I have no experience in astrology nor genetics or psychology.”

“You might want to steer clear of psychology for a while, Jacqueline.” Maureen said “At least until I have either had my paper and doctorate accepted, or until I have started a practice based on my already achieved qualifications.”
“Oh my God, why?” Claire asked.
“Because Stephanie has already pointed out a number of flaws in the current beliefs in psychology and Monika has pretty much annihilated the rest.” Maureen replied with a sad smile “What I have learned mainly is so flawed, because of the goal, we all have perceived for psychology. Monika certainly has set me straight on that.”
“How? Why?” Claire was almost angry “It has helped me get my HRT and will help me get my SRS eventually.”
“Yes,” Monika asked “and what else?”
Claire was speechless for a while.
“Any ordinary doctor could have done that, you needed an endocrinologist anyway, to fine tune your hormones, didn’t you?”
“Yes,” Claire admitted.

“So what did the psychologist actually help you with? Did s/he help you to understand why you are transgender? Did the ‘therapy’ alter anything about your decision? Did the therapist explain to you how the presumptions of a society, that is still struggling to come out of the dark ages, have made your life hell and why?”
Both Claire and Jacqueline were stunned. Monika decided to take the edge off her statements, that she nevertheless knew to be spot on.
“I am totally blunt here, you two poor things. But I have already explained to Maureen, how the attempts of psychology to re-integrated so called ‘misfits’ back into society, can cause more harm than good. If you had not been sure you actually are 100% female in the sense society still defines that, Claire, and the SRS were only performed to make you fit the general perception of what is female, do you think you’d survive it? You might still commit suicide, because maybe, just maybe, you might have been more happy as a shemale, making love to and having children with your wife.”
Claire’s eyes were wide in shock now. Slowly she shook the shock off.
“I see where you are coming from, Monika, but I have never ever seen or heard someone to be so open minded and perceptive about transgender.”
“Well,” Stephanie asked “how many of the doctors or psychologists you spoke to or have got to know were transgender themselves?”
“None.” Claire and Jacqueline both had to admit.
“I don’t know any either.” Maureen admitted.
“There is a transwoman doctor and surgeon in the states who I know off.” Monika said “But I have yet to hear of a transgender psychologist.”
She looked at all three of her young friends, who were like her and smiled sweetly.
“You have to become sure of who you are and be proud of it. Then you will radiate confidence and competence and that is what your vis a vis will perceive. Then it won’t matter, if you are trans, asexual, gay, lesbian or whatever else. You’ll just be a confident and self assured human being. Nothing else will matter. That is, what a therapist should aim for. The welfare of the individual client, not societal norms.”

There wasn’t really that much to add to the topic and so they went into the lounge and settled comfortably to hear the account of what happened to Stephanie and Maureen on their trip to Ireland. Stephanie started to describe, how the direct experience of the nature around her as they were walking had woken up a happy feeling in her and, since she was alone with her love Maureen, she had, unconsciously at first, started to sing.
“Why didn’t you sing before, as Stefan?” Jacqueline asked.
“Because when I sang I sounded like a girl and was ashamed of myself. Even in front of my love. Had it not been, that she loved it and encouraged me ...”
“It was so amazing to hear her.” Maureen said “She was just making up happy melodies with her voice, but those melodies caused me to cry happy tears, because of the bliss I could see in her face while she was singing.”
Now again it was Monika’s time to cry. This was just too close to home not to. Both Maureen and Stephanie remembered what she had told them about her own voice and puberty and started crying, too.

“Why are you three crying?” Claire asked aghast.
“May I?” Stephanie asked Monika, who just nodded assent.
“Monika had a beautiful clear and promising Soprano at the age of eleven. She wanted to become an opera singer and even tried to avoid her voice breaking by castrating herself unsuccessfully. One of the heavily damaged testicles still produced enough testosterone for her voice to break two years later.”
Now Claire and Jacqueline were crying, too. Monika had got herself back under control.
“Now can you imagine, what sort of damage psychologist can do, if they want to wait for the ‘subject’ to be certain age? A simple thing like a voice breaking, not a great problem is it, when I later can retrain my voice to sound feminine, when I am 21. Yes, in my time that was the age of independence. But to me losing my voice was like death. I still got into music in a way, but only as a technician. At sixteen I lit my first Rock show, already heavily into pot. It helped to forget what I had lost.”

“That was when I decided never to submit what I wanted to do to anybody’s approval any more and became a rebel in a lot of things. I dropped out of school. Everything I know I learned by myself, apart from some of my medical knowledge, that I acquired thanks to a certain Dr. Doehn, who was in charge of my training as a paramedic at the university hospital of Hamburg for my obligatory service for the German state, that I refused to do in the military. And – of course – Wolfgang Döbereiner, who invented the astrological system I use.”

More and More Stephanie felt, what a difficult path it had been for Monika to become the woman she was today. She was marvelling at the personal strength. Monika smiled at her.
“I simply told myself, little angel, that if nobody understood or accepted me, the least I could do was to accept, help and care for myself.” She said in answer to Stephanie’s unspoken question. I never doubted that I was right in wanting to present myself as female, but I was also afraid of losing all means to sustain myself. It took astrology to teach me, that your life sustains itself with the help of the universe, if you follow your true path. But enough of me, let’s return to happier topics and specially to your holiday. And I want to hear you sing, Stephanie.”
Everyone was happy for the change of focus. Maureen and Stephanie told about how after the catharsis at Milford Haven they had decided to get straight to Ireland, had met Colleen, Patrick, Aileen, John, Niamh and Ryan, then Brigit, Sean/Sinead and Roisin, Maureen’s granny and Dónal. They told about the concerts, the shopping with Sinead, the days on the beach and the experience in the little cove. They left out the three visions, though. They might or might not talk to Monika about that later. But as a finishing touch to the evening Stephanie played the recording of her version of the “Star of the county Down” over the speakers of the stereo in the lounge. Her audience was stunned and so she added just a small live improvisation that had them in tears again. They all went home or to bed having a lot to digest.



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