CHAPTER 36
I felt better after that, enough to talk at last to my husband. We lay in the darkness at Mam’s, our last night before we would decamp back to our old house along with the girls. Rhod was burbling away in his little pull-out bed, while I just lay wrapped around my husband, street lighting leaking enough around the curtains to see his expressions.

“Christmas, love. I had some news”

“That phone call?”

“Yeah…”

“If it’s a problem, you don’t have to tell me”

Every now and again, he did something to demonstrate, to confirm, how right I had been in at least one of my choices.

“Love?”

“Aye?”

“I was just thinking, as you said that, about life choices, and well, that’s the thing. I’ve made a few good ones. Joining the police was one, and you were another”

He kissed the top of my head.

“There’s more, though”

“Yes. Not ever asking Annie out, that was another”

I felt him tense.

“Please tell me nothing’s happened”

I reached round to squeeze his forearm, reassuringly.

“No, not that. The call was from Elaine, but she was with Annie at the time”

“I am guessing that she passed the phone to her”

“Yup. A bit of a surprise, that one”

“I bet. How did it go? I take it you two had a chat?”

“Er, yeah. Went well, I think. In the end, it was more about Lainey. She’s not been well, love”

“I know that. I think she’s lost her way a bit, since we locked them all up”

“Yeah…”

“More?”

My husband, my partner. Sod it.

“Her and Siân, innit? Both broody”

“Oh. Oh! Shit, that must have been hard. The holiday, I mean. The kids. Kev is stuck on her, isn’t he?”

I sighed.

“Yes, he is. Sublimated, or whatever the term is, but I don’t think he ever lost that love”

Blake chuckled a little,

“Two of you, then, on that bus”

“Beg pardon?”

“You’ve never lost that torch of your own, have you? For Adam, as was?”

I lay silent for a few seconds, till he squeezed me again.

“Di, love, you never will, aye? You spotted someone decent, and they’re still that decent person. You just need to build a different relationship to the one you were hoping for”

I squeezed him back before rolling onto him.

“I built my decent relationship, love. Try not to wake Rhod…”

Everything packed up the next morning, we set off for our own house, Dad driving Mam and the girls so that we had enough space for Rhod’s car seat, which, as ever, spurred by memories of Adam at the side of the road, I made bloody sure was safely secured. We put the car away, Dad leaving his on the drive as he offloaded their suitcases and what seemed like half of what Mam had cooked for Christmas, including a tin of mince pies. While they didn’t reach Gemma’s heights of delight, they were still bloody good, as I confirmed once the kettle was boiled and tea poured. Blake gave Rhod and Tucker some quality time on the rug while I did the entertaining duties. Tammy was curious.

“What’s this place like, then, tomorrow?”

“Gay bar, or rather pub. Landlord’s a drag queen, so expect the usual bitchy persona. Be a load of colleagues there, but the local crowd is quite welcoming. They know who we are. Not a worry, though”

“Christ; sounds just like home. They got some sort of trading standard list thing? List of standard-issue stuff to tick?”

“Pretty much. We sort of adopted the place when we had that big job on”

Mam laughed.

“Not our sort of place at all, Dad and me! We’ll be watching the telly and the boy while you all get silly, so we will expect a quiet return home, isn’t it?”

Dad was trying his best to keep his own laughter down, but it was clearly giving him some difficulties.

“Di, love, you thought you’d moved out, didn’t you? Mothers rule, that’s the lesson”

I tried to give him the Mam-stare I had been practising, but I knew it was below par.

“Two mothers in this house!”

Bridget let the laughter die down before asking the obvious question.

“So, Di. Tonight: what rig? Trapping kit or comfortable shoes? Oh, shut up, Blake!”

I thought about that one for a bit, but once more the answer was obvious.

“If you want to spend all night on stilts wearing a fanny pelmet, go ahead, but this MOTHER and HOUSEWIFE is going to be in comfy shoes of her own. Dunno about hubby, though. You going for the four-inch heels again, Blake?”

He shook his head, po-faced.

“Nope. Thought I would stick with the PVC dress and the rubber thigh boots, but take something kinky to change into if it turns out to be that sort of night. You never know who you might meet”

Sometimes, I found myself falling in love with him all over again.

We set off for the city that evening in Dad’s car, Blake, naturally, in the front seat with us three girls filling the back one. He dropped us off near John Lewis, the streets steadily filling with revellers and uniformed police, and Blake and I led the way through the scattered groups to our little home from home. Bridget paused at the front door, looking at the licensee plate and a little one next to it.

“What’s that all about?”

‘Probably the best bar named after a policewoman in the world’

Marlene was clearly getting worse. I shrugged, led the way in and then pointed to the sign over the smaller bar.

“Marlene’s way of saying thank you to Lainey, though it’s really a sort of wider, community thing. She made a big impression”

Music was already thumping out from the main bar, but our smaller room wasn’t too noisy, nor too full. I found a space at the bar, and was greeted in the expected way.

“Look what the fucking cat dragged in! Any misbehaviour and that big boy will be dragged out of here and straight up to my flat! First round free to you. Who are the girlfriends?”

“Marlene, my oldest friend Bridget, over from Australia, and her wife Tammy”

“Well darling, you throw one boomerang, tie one fucking kangaroo down, and you are toast! And leave that didgeridoo with the doorman”

Tammy was laughing happily.

“Christ, mate, this is JUST like being back home, ey?”

“Well, don’t get too comfortable. We sent you convicts away for a fucking god reason. Now, drinks? We’re doing special cocktails tonight”

Our order was filled efficiently and quickly, and Marlene’s attention flicked quickly to a new target. Forever the professional host, he wasn’t dismissing us, just doing his job, and the fact that he clearly saw that we understood warmed me. Inclusion without pretence.

Our group expanded steadily, as Candice arrived in full blonde mode, Ellen dragged Rob in, Rhys and Jonny Boy walked in hand-in-hand for once, to cheers from the rest of us, and then, to my astonishment, Alun, with a woman of around his own age. She looked drawn, and was walking with a stick. Tammy saw, and immediately turned to a group of young lads sitting at a table nearby, one of whom simply nodded and passed her the chair he had been occupying.

Alun looked a little out of sorts, and I realised it was nervousness.

“Mates, Lynne here fancied a proper New Year’s, so I hear and obey, isn’t it? Lynne, love, this is Rob; Ellen; Rhys and Jon. Jon’s the little one. Office blonde here is Candice. Di and Blake I’ve told you about”

I prayed a certain female PCSO wouldn’t show her face, before realising that, as a clearly straight woman, she wouldn’t be within miles of a gay bar.

“Hiya, Lynne. The girl who got you the seat is my friend Tammy, and this is her other half Bridget”

Lynne smiled, lines in her face showing more than a little strain.

“Heard a lot about you all, haven’t I? Good to put faces to names at long last. Sorry and all, but I have a couple of problems, healthwise. CFS, for starters”

Rhys looked puzzled, so Lynne smiled sadly at him.

“Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. One of those nasty little things they haven’t found a cause for, much less a cure. Does what it says on the tin, isn’t it? Never any strength for anything, always drained”

She looked over to her husband, a warmer smile in place.

“Picked well, I did, with this one. Without Al here, dunno what state I’d be in. Anyway, enough of me. We doing a whip? And a curry at some point?”

She was absolutely and definitely Alun’s wife, and the way she fitted in with our group dynamics was seamless, even to the extent of having worse jokes than her husband.

Our group expanded steadily, some people dropping by for a minute or two to say hello, others, like Scott and Omar, staying with us for the evening. I found myself looking round for Deb’s charges, but as they seemed to be straight, in the main, I assumed they were off celebrating their own way, and knowing Charlie and Tiff, their style would almost certainly involve fanny pelmets.

Sod it: it was New Year’s Eve. Wind your style critic in, DC Sutton.

Deb herself, though, made her own appearance, and her clear relaxation and happiness in our crowd was a delight. As long as I had known her, she had been under tension, and now she seemed freer, happier to laugh and flirt, although I did notice her alcohol intake was minute.

“Hi, you two. Paul tells me the Christmas dinner was a humdinger”

Blake gave her a hug of welcome.

“Aye, so much so that we are still eating it”

“Ah, son, that’s traditional. Remember the stock cube ad?”

On cue, several people laughed, and in unison said “Turkey---ish!”, the punchline to a well-known story of day after day of leftovers of the turkey kind, until the housewife says the day’s meal is kebabs and is asked if they, like the previous week’s menu of stews, soup, stir-fries, etc, might be more leftover Christmas roast. I was still chuckling when there was a loud shout.

“You bitches! How very DARE you start without moi and my hunk here?”

Alun didn’t even look up from his pint.

“Lynne, love? Meet Chris O’Connor. Just ignore him and he won’t go away”

Darius was shaking his head, I didn’t know whether in denial, despair, disbelief or simply the recognition that he had made a dreadfully wrong decision. It set the mood for the rest of the evening, although Alun and Lynne left straight after our curry. That didn’t stop the rest of us from returning to the Smuggler’s for the traditional countdown and snog.

Dad picked us up around one in the morning, and Blake and I slept right through till eleven and Mam’s appearance with a tray of tea and a bed-bouncing little boy.

One day sufficed to clear my hangover, which left me fully functional when the first of the bodies was found in the Usk.