Stephanie, part 19

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“Another question?” Becca asks, grinning as several members of the assembled crowd eagerly raise their hands. “Okay, you at the back!”

“What are your favourite tracks on the new album?” The journalist asks, making the four of us grin.

“Ooh, good question!” Adeola chuckles, even though it’s a question we’ve already been asked several times over the last ten days. “Mine’s probably ‘Overcast’, we’ve never really done a ‘dark’ song before, it was fun to mix it up a little. Bex?”

“Hmm,” Becca says with a playful grin. “I really liked 'Rebellion'. Mainly because the music video was REALLY fun to record, hehe!”

“Mine’s probably the same,” I concur, smiling as I think back to the day spent in a recording studio dressed in a costume that was half-cheerleader, half-ninja and all feminine and beautiful. I can’t help but think back to the first music video we recorded three years ago- three years that seem like a lifetime.

When we recorded the music video for ‘Heaven is a Place on Earth’, I was a nervous, shy- well, not exactly ‘boy’ but not exactly ‘girl’ either. I was constantly in fear of being ‘found out’, constantly worried that I wouldn’t be good enough for the band, or that I’d be rejected by our fans when our video was launched… But when we recorded the video for Rebellion, I was confident in my identity. I was ‘Stephanie’, not ‘Steve’, undoubtedly a girl, not a boy, more than talented enough to be a part of the band and loved by countless fans not just in the UK but around the world as well. The only thing that’s the same as 2015 is that I got just as big a kick out of wearing the ‘cheerleader/ninja’ costumes as I did the ‘angel’ costume I wore on that first day!

While I’ve undoubtedly changed a lot since that first day, both physically and mentally- to the point where I’m almost indistinguishable from a ‘natural’ girl, even when stripped down to my underwear- in many ways it’s not the biggest change in my life. That honour goes to the tiny blonde girl sat on my immediate left- or rather, the very special relationship that we both share.

Kayla and I have been going out now for eight months, and in that time, we’ve grown closer as both friends and lovers- even if the physical aspect of ‘lover’ is still very infrequent. Well, the sexual part of ‘physical’, anyway, as we seem to spend every night cuddled together on the sofa, or sharing a bed in a non-sexual manner (especially during the cold winter we had). And yet, as far as the public- and a good chunk of our friends- are concerned, we’re still just bandmates, or at the very most, flat mates. And many of our friends who do know about us aren’t exactly happy about having to keep our secret for us…

“How about you, Kayla?” Becca asks. “You with Steph on this one?” The look of anger in my girlfriend’s eyes is a brief but unmistakable one that makes me flinch, but doesn’t faze Becca at all.

“It WAS a fun video,” Kayla says with a professional, sweet smile. “But I’ve got a soft spot for 'Time Enough'.”

“That was your solo track on the album,” the reporter who originally asked the question asks. “Is there any truth to the rumours that you’ll all be embarking on solo careers soon and taking a break from the group?”

“No truth,” Adeola says firmly. “All four of us are fully committed to the group. End of story.”

“What about the rumours stating that Lauren McTavish might be rejoining the group?” Another journalist asks. “You have been seen socialising with her in recent weeks.” Twice, I think to myself, once was on her birthday and the other was just a random run-in at a coffee shop last month. Hardly concrete evidence, though knowing the British press…

“…We don’t have any comment there at this time,” I say, trying not to wince as I feel Becca and Adeola’s accusing stares burn a hole in the side of my head. “Think we’ve got time for one more question?”

“Make it a good one!” Becca giggles, instantly returning to her friendly public persona.

“Will any of you be appearing on Strictly Come Dancing this year?” A reporter from the back of the cramped room asks.

“…DEFINITELY no comment!” Adeola giggles.

After the questions have all been asked, we pose for a quick photo opportunity, before the four of us leave the room, waving and blowing kisses to the assembled reporters as we leave.

“Ahh….” Becca breathes once the four of us are back in our fancily-decorated dressing room. “And that, girlies, is a wrap on the Out of Heaven publicity tour of 2018!”

“Ugh, can’t wait to get back home!” Kayla chuckles. “Feels like I’ve been away for a month, hehe!”

“It’s only been ten days!” Adeola teases. “We’ll be in Spain longer than that, hehe!”

“Not that our holiday isn’t hard-earned, of course!” Becca chuckles. “All of us, even if you two are going somewhere a little less hot, hehe!”

“Less hot?” Kayla teases. “You seen Nikki’s Facebook posts? It’s, like, 35 degrees over there!”

“And I’m sure Minnesota can make room for four more, if you change your mind?” I say with a pout and (I hope) convincing puppy dog eyes.

“…Maybe next time,” Becca says with a giggle.

“I’m not an expert on marriage,” I tease, “but I’m pretty sure Alexa and Jenny are only planning on getting married once? I mean, it’s usually for keeps, isn’t it?”

“It had better be!” Adeola giggles as she gazes as the beautiful diamond ring that suddenly appeared on her left hand last month.

“You know what I mean,” Becca sighs. “I mean, yes, I’d love to go to America, but I don’t know them as well as you two do, you know?”

“And we’ll be heading over before the end of the year anyway, if what my uncle says is true,” Adeola says as we begin changing out of our designer dresses and into more comfortable street clothes, which in my case means a tight, short-sleeved top, a clingy grey miniskirt and, of course, a pair of knee-high boots!

“Joshua has been really busy lately,” Kayla muses as she changes into her own trademark long-sleeved bodysuit and long pencil skirt. “I mean there’s what, Ireland and Spain launching soon?”

“Is that why you guys are going to Spain?” I ask. “Joshua roped you into a working holiday?”

“No, and do NOT give him that idea!” Adeola chuckles. “We’ve all earned some time off.”

“Though if you could dish out a few copies of the album when you head over to America…?” Becca says with her own pout and puppy dog eyes.

“…Yes, yes, already taken care of,” I giggle. “Ahh… You know, I’ve actually had fun this last week? I mean, more than I thought I would? Still sometimes need to remind myself that this is actually a job, heh!”

“I know what you mean,” Becca chuckles. “Though I’d probably have enjoyed this week a bit more if I’d been snuggled up next to Riley all the time too!” I blush and bite my lip, as does my girlfriend, as our bandmates tease us with very smug grins.

“…We don’t kiss and tell, you know that!” Kayla mumbles as our bandmates’ giggles intensify.

“Stephanie and Kayla, sitting in a- hotel room, F-“ Becca playfully sings.

“We are SO not putting that on the fourth album!” Adeola teases her BFF as Kayla and I exchange an eye roll. Ever since our falling out over Lauren’s birthday, the old ‘divide’ in the band- with Becca and Adeola on one side, and me and Kayla on the other- has returned, and seems to be getting wider with every passing day. Don’t get me wrong, I still love both of them and wouldn’t even dream of singing with anyone else, but I sometimes wonder whether or not the band will ever be the same again. The fact that we’ll be heading in opposite directions for our holidays doesn’t exactly help my worries there, either…

A short while later, after we’ve all changed, the four of us head through the shopping centre’s private car park and into the bright pink London taxi that’s waiting for us. Even though it’s not our faces on the side of the taxi, we still get to use it for any official business, and it never fails to attract attention as it rolls along the streets of London.

“Reckon we should have loaned the Angelmobile to Harry and Meghan for the wedding?” Becca chuckles as we wave to fans en route to our destination, many of whom are videoing the car on their phones, and a good few of whom are clad in Out of Heaven or Angels t-shirts!

“Like they could afford it,” Adeola giggles. “We ought to have an Out of Heaven themed taxi, you know?”

“It’s your uncle who’s in charge of the budget,” I shrug. “And we’re going to see him now…”

“And it WAS your idea,” Kayla teases as our dark-skinned friend winces.

“…Stupid idea,” Adeola mumbles as the rest of us giggle. Sometimes, the ‘divide’ isn’t all that wide after all.

Eventually, the Angelmobile arrives at the head offices of Heavenly Talent, where we’re ushered up the stairs and into the big, fancy office of the agency’s owner- who looks more than a little pleased with us!

“My heavenly singers!” Joshua booms as we enter his office and sit down on his plush sofa. “The reviews are coming in for your album and everyone loves it- but how could they not? More importantly, copies are flying off the shelves- or flying off of iTunes or Amazon, as this is 2018, heh!”

“Where are we in the charts?” Becca eagerly asks.

“4th,” Joshua replies. “But No More Lies and Stronger are also seeing more sales and YouTube and Spotify views are way up too. You have definitely earned your holidays, heh! But you have also earned my personal thanks for your continued hard work. The group did get off to a rocky start. But now you are not just singers, not just friends. You are family. MY family. The three of you are my nieces just as surely as Adeola is.”

“Thanks,” Becca, Kayla and I whisper, all of us sniffling at Joshua’s unbridled affection.

“Thank YOU,” Joshua says. “Thank you all for everything you have done. I will not keep you long- you have earned your holiday, after all! But we still have some business to take care of before you four are free, heh!” The four of us smirk as Joshua opens up a chart on his laptop and talks us through what we’ll be doing upon our return from holiday, which will mostly be recording our fourth album but will include television appearances, potential future publicity tours, another visit to America in November- and, most excitingly of all, a possible appearance on Strictly Come Dancing for one of us!

The four of us are ‘dismissed’ just after 2:30pm, and after bidding Becca and Adeola farewell with a tight hug each (their flight is later tonight so they need to get home to pack), Kayla and I hop into a waiting taxi that takes us to a nearby coffee shop that’s quickly become our favourite haunt. There are many reasons for this- firstly, it’s owned by Joshua, so we get an ‘employee discount’ despite not working there, secondly, it has an ‘Angel’ theme and there are photos of Out of Heaven on the wall as well, but thirdly, and most importantly, there are usually Angels inside the shop as well- four of whom are sat around one of the shop’s larger tables. Naturally, their presence (not to mention mine and Kayla’s) is attracting some attention from fans both inside and outside the shop, but the attention of everyone at the table is centred on the five incredibly cute little infant girls sat alongside their mothers!

“Hey everyone!” Kayla giggles as she approaches the table while I get us each a cup of sweet hot chocolate. “Hope we’re not interrupting an ‘Angel mother and baby’ session, hehe!”

“Ah sure, you’re fine,” Mary says as her youngest daughter wriggles around in her lap, defying her mother’s attempts to feed her. “Think Mrs. Hartley over there will be glad of the distraction!”

“Ugh, that’s putting it mildly,” Charlotte says with an exasperated laugh as she tries to calm the two agitated babies in the stroller next to her.

“You can’t complain, you wanted a girl,” Krystie teases. “You just got two for the price of one, hehe!”

“Two for the price of THREE,” Charlotte complains. “I’m constantly worried little Keithy’s jealous of all the attention his sisters are getting…”

“Where’s Eilish today?” Viks asks as she feeds her well-behaved 15 month old daughter.

“Looking after little Keithy while his dad’s ad work!” Charlotte chuckles. “Ahh… It’ll all be worth it in the end.”

“Though we would recommend you two wait until you’re both a little older!” Krystie teases Kayla and I as we sit down in the very cramped space made available for us. Two months ago, this teasing would’ve been general teasing of two women in their early twenties. Today, however, it’s teasing of two women in their early twenties who are known to be a couple, and who hid that relationship from the women doing the teasing for several months. Charlotte et al say they have no problem being kept in the dark for so long- our private life IS our own business, after all- but every time I tell someone, I can’t help but worry about how they react. It’s not like I don’t have a reputation for keeping things to myself, after all…

“Ahh… You do at least have that option, don’t you?” Charlotte asks. “Jamie’s biggest regret is that she never saved any sperm- not that she doesn’t adore Olivia, of course- but you, you know, ‘deposited’, didn’t you Steph?”

“…I may have done,” I mumble as my cheeks immediately flush.

“Ah- sorry, sorry, sensitive topic, I know,” Charlotte sighs. “Guess I’m just missing my BFF, heh. If it wasn’t for these two I’d totally have gone to New York with her, Stuart and Olivia.”

“Meanwhile, the rest of us working mums still have to, you know, work,” Krystie teases, giggling as Charlotte sticks her tongue out at her. “Can you believe I’ve never been to America? I am totally taking this little one to D-I-S-N-E-Y when she’s old enough, heh!”

“We’ve never been either,” Kayla says. “Gonna make a little road- well, trip of it after the wedding, see some of the country.”

“Umm, not everywhere in America is all that LGBT friendly, you know?” Mary says hesitantly. “Hope you’re not planning on going to Alabama?”

“Vegas first, then San Francisco, then hopefully back to Minnesota for the 4th of July,” I say. "Already got the plane tickets booked!"

“Ah well sure, you should be fine in those two cities more than anywhere else in the world, hehe!” Mary giggles.

“And Vegas, eh?” Charlotte coos. “Keith and I went to Vegas two years ago, and I did kinda come back with a heavier hand…” Kayla and I blush again as Charlotte playfully waves her left hand- complete with wedding ring- at us.

“Good for you,” Kayla mumbles. “We- umm, we can’t stay long, got to, you know, unpack after the tour, then pack for the holiday…” The four other women at the table nod quietly, correctly assuming they’ve brought up a sensitive topic.

“Well- make sure you take plenty of pictures, heh!” Viks chuckles.

“Can do!” I chuckle as the topic of conversation turns to something a little less intimate.

About half an hour later, Kayla and I hop in a taxi and return to our flat, where our tour suitcases have already been dropped off, ready for us to unpack and repack with what we’ll be taking with us to America.

“SO glad to be home,” Kayla chuckles as she carries her swimwear drawer through to the living room and starts sorting through bikinis. “But so glad to be going on holiday too, hehe! Is that weird, wanting two different things like that?” You mean like wanting a committed relationship with me but also wanting to keep it secret and freaking out at the thought of marriage? I think to myself.

“…Not really,” I reply. “I mean, home’s great, like in that Owen Wilson advert, but holidays are, well, holidays, aren’t they? Hardly silly to like two things that are both great.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Kayla shrugs. “Do kinda wish I had a day or two to relax here before jetting off, though.”

“Aww,” I purr as I slowly wrap my arms around my girlfriend’s slender frame. “’relaxing’ with me?”

“Naturally,” Kayla giggles, standing on tip toes to give me a kiss. “And heading down to Southampton to see my parents too, been over a month since I last saw them, heh.” …And changing the topic AGAIN, I think to myself.

“We can see them when we get back,” I shrug, releasing Kayla to pack my own considerable bikini collection into my suitcase. “You printed out our boarding passes?”

“Got them right here!” Kayla chuckles as she pats her handbag. “Got your passport?”

“Yep,” I say with a sigh as I flip the brown booklet open and stare at the picture inside- and, more specifically, the letter 'F' next to where it says 'gender'. Even though I haven't been taking oestrogen for 24 months, Dr Phillips was more than happy to supply evidence that I had lived as a woman for the prerequisite amount of time to qualify for a gender recognition certificate, which I was awarded a few months ago, and which I quickly used to get all of my documents changed over.

"Still hung up on that little letter 'F'?" Kayla teases. "Can't blame you. It's not like you didn't earn it, hehe!"

"Yeah," I sigh. "It's still kinda weird, you know? I mean, the way it started, the way I started... But here it is in black and white. Stephanie Abbott: legally female and as far as everyone's concerned, always has been. Still seems surreal sometimes."

"I never doubted it," Kayla says softly. "Especially as 'Steve' is still a thing of the past, right?"

"The distant past," I say with a confident grin as I kiss my girlfriend and go back to my packing.

Before long, our suitcases are bulging with both clothes and gifts for the soon to be married couple. Our flight leaves at 1pm tomorrow, but we’ll need to allow plenty of time to travel to the airport and check in, so Kayla and I opt for a quick microwave dinner and an early night. As usual, we sleep in separate beds, but this is mostly due to the summer heat rather than anything else (when it’s hot, I only have a sheet on top of me, while Kayla prefers to have a lightweight quilt).

My alarm wakes me up at 7:15am the following morning, and after a quick shower, I apply a light layer of make-up and pull on a comfortable, loose summer dress and a pair of floral flats- it’s much too warm today for boots! While I wait for Kayla to get ready, I make myself a quick breakfast of toast and coffee and check Facebook for any updates from the other side of the ocean.

The couple getting married tomorrow, Alexa and Jenny, are friends of ours who we met last year through Nikki and Sarah- coincidentally, at almost the same time Kayla and I got together. Like myself and Kayla, and Nikki and Sarah for that matter, they’re a same-gender couple where one of the girls is transgendered, and also like us, they’ve had it particularly tough (both girls have had family members reject them). However, love has won out, as it always should, and 48 hours from now, they’ll be wife and wife.

Kayla and I had been invited to the wedding and always intended to go after the end of the publicity tour, but a few days ago we received a call saying that their singers had backed out of the wedding- and naturally, Kayla and I were only too happy to put on an impromptu performance! Flying out later than everyone attending the wedding means that we get to preserve the surprise of us being the replacement singers, but it also means that we won’t get to go on the hen night- though considering how messy things tend to get when Alexa, Jenny, Nikki and Sarah get together, this may be a blessing in disguise. Even if that also means we won’t be there for their own inevitable karaoke ‘performance’!

“Any news?” Kayla asks as she emerges from her room, having also eschewed her trademark look in favour of a lighter summer dress.

“It’s, like, the middle of the night over there,” I reply, giggling as Kayla sighs tiredly.

“And this is Nikki and Sarah and co we’re talking about,” my girlfriend reminds me.

“Good point,” I say. “Nope- think they’re all in bed. Think it’ll be Jacinta meeting us at the airport.”

“Ah, it’s kinda exciting, you know?” Kayla says. “Our first gig in America, it could lead to big things…”

“BigGER things?” I ask my girlfriend. “We’re not exactly ‘small time’ right now, are we?”

“You know what I mean,” Kayla chuckles. “When you join a group you hope that they’re going to be Little Mix and not, I dunno, some group that has one big song then fades away into nothing.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” I say.

“And you can’t be truly big if you don’t breakthrough in America, right?” Kayla asks with a smug smirk.

“Not sure whether or not that counts as treason,” I retort. “Especially this close to the fourth of July!”

“Meh,” Kayla shrugs. “I just want to be rich and famous. Is that such a bad thing?”

“…I’m kinda the wrong person to be asking there!” I giggle as I slip on a pair of extremely expensive sunglasses, grab the handle of my designer suitcase and lead my girlfriend down to the waiting taxi.

Kayla’s comments, however, bring to mind the Q&A session from yesterday, particularly the question about potential solo careers. Kayla’s talented enough and hardworking enough that she’ll never have to do any job other than singing, but what defines her most is her ambition. Most people were surprised when we took the Harry Potter sorting quiz (for Jessica and Paige’s hen night in August) and she picked Slytherin, but I wasn’t. You look at Kayla and assume she’s a sweet young girl, but when she wants something, you can be damn sure she’ll move heaven and Earth get it. She did so to get into Out of Heaven, and if she ever feels that a solo career is a better option, she’ll take that instead. Sometimes I wonder if she regretted not following Lauren over to Constellation when she had the chance, though given how much that group’s been floundering, we’ve both had a lucky escape there.

What I worry about most about Kayla going solo, though, is what it’d do to our relationship…

As we arrive at the airport, I tell myself that I needn’t worry so much, especially not in the short term- Kayla isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Well, other than to America, and as we’re going together, it definitely doesn’t count as going ‘solo’. Before too long, the two of us are settled into our plush first-class seats, and the aeroplane is taxiing down the runway, ready to transport us across the ocean.

“Now THIS is the way to travel!” Kayla giggles as she stretches her tiny frame in her vast chair. “Though I probably wouldn’t be too cramped in economy class either, hehe!”

“It’s good job, too, as it’s almost ten hours until we get to Minneapolis,” I say as I relax back into my chair. “What movies have they got? Really kinda want to see Deadpool 2.”

“For how much we paid I’m surprised they don’t get Ryan Reynolds himself to act it out for us,” Kayla chuckles as she grabs her remote and starts flicking through the entertainment channels. “I’m more interested in what they have in the music category… Yep! Take a look, Steph!” I lean over to stare at the screen in front of Kayla, on which is displayed a list of music albums. Needless to say, the album currently highlighted on Kayla’s screen looks more than a little familiar!

“’Big’ enough yet?” I tease, making my girlfriend smirk. “Are you going to listen to it?”

“Might listen to 'Time Enough',” Kayla replies, making me fidget- that was her solo track from the album, after all.

“Kayla…” I mumble.

“Steph…?” Kayla replies. “Umm, yes? If you’re breaking up with me, you’ve chosen the worst possible time and place, heh!”

“Oh- no, it’s not that, not at all,” I say, gently squeezing the blonde girl’s hand. “It’s just- well, umm, a break-up of a different kind, like, you talking about ‘making it big’, and that question the other day about solo careers…”

“…I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about it,” Kayla confesses. “But there’s nowhere I’d rather be right now than in the band. Honestly. Maybe in the future, when Out of Heaven have run their course… I’d still want to be represented by Joshua even if I did go solo, though.”

“Yeah, me too,” I say with a smile that my girlfriend shares.

“I have a question too,” Kayla says softly. “It’s- umm…”

“Go on,” I whisper.

“When…” Kayla says hesitantly. “When you’re putting on a pair of tights, do you go left leg first, or right leg first?”

“…What?” I reply. I ask a serious question about our careers, and THAT’s your response?

“It’s just-“ Kayla explains. “When we were getting into our costumes for the ‘Night Love’ video a couple of weeks ago, I was about to put my tights on, and I just suddenly forgot which foot I usually put in first, you know?”

“That- that’s genuinely a question I’ve never been asked before,” I say. “…And now I can’t stop thinking about it, thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” Kayla says with a giggle as I rack my brains, trying to figure out the answer. “’Cause I figured it’s probably a left hand or right hand thing, and I’m right handed and you’re left handed so I wondered if we’d, you know, do it differently?”

“It- ugh,” I sigh as I sit up in my chair and, much to my girlfriend’s amusement, mime pulling on a pair of tights. “…Left foot first, ‘cause I’m left handed. You?”

“Right foot first,” Kayla replies with a smug smile. “…Is it the same when you’re pulling on a pair of panties?”

“Huh, no Deadpool 2 but they do have Black Panther,” I say, turning my attention to my screen and playing the movie as Kayla giggles at my exasperation. I know the reason behind her ridiculous question, of course- to try to distract me from her half-hearted response to my previous serious question. I’ve got to believe that Kayla has seriously thought about her future career, but she’s not giving away any clues about what she’s thinking. Much like how she feels about the future of our relationship…

Eventually, after two large meals, two movies and several more nonsense conversations (including a very heated one about which sleeve we put on first when pulling on a leotard) our flight comes in to land at Minneapolis-Saint Paul Airport. Both Kayla and I let out long yawns as we deplane and head to the baggage carousel- it is almost 11pm London time, after all- but we soon park up when head into the airport’s vast concourse and are greeted by a couple of familiar faces.

“Hey you two!” Jacinta giggles as she greets us with a tight hug each.

“Hi!” I say tiredly. “God, that was a long flight!”

“Ugh, tell me about it!” Jacinta sighs overdramatically. “It’s like, what, 11pm in London right now? I’m sure you two must be exhausted!"

"Totally," I say with a tired chuckle. "Are any of you going for dinner anywhere?"

"It's the big pre-wedding dinner at the venue today," Jacinta replies. "I know we're meant to be keeping you as a surprise for the wedding itself, but we can always sneak you in or save you some food if you want?"

“...Best not, we’ve already eaten two full meals on the plane, heh!” Kayla protests. “Take a look at me, barely had any room for them!"

"That's fair enough," Jacinta shrugs. "You're probably better off getting settled in at the hotel, trying to adjust to the time zone."

“Though you are going to LOVE Jenny's family's place,” Katie- Jacinta's classmate and a close friend of Kayla and me- says. “They are PROPERLY loaded. Make’s Charlotte’s place look like our flat, heh!”

“Their flat, not your flat,” Jacinta clarifies. “Which makes our flat look like a matchbox!”

“Though if I ever get rich enough to afford 5 grand a month in rent…” Katie says.

“5 grand between us,” Kayla says. “Though if our third album takes off over here…” We’d hopefully still be living together, I think to myself with a frown.

“…What’s up, Steph?” Katie asks. “Just tired?”

“Hmm?” I ask. “Umm, yeah, a bit, heh!”

“Well, we won’t keep you,” Jacinta says. “We’re due back at chez Thompson, like, five seconds ago! We were having a look around the cities today, taking in some of the sights. We can drop you at your hotel en route. How long will you two be staying in America?”

“Until the 5th,” Kayla replies. “We are on holiday, after all. And I really want to stay for the 4th, take in a few firework displays, that sort of thing.”

“We’re going to be heading to Vegas after the wedding, then to San Francisco,” I explain. “Take in some of the sights.”

“Sounds cool,” Katie chuckles. “We’re heading back on Monday, some of us actually have to work, you know?”

“Hey, we’ve just spent ten days on a publicity tour,” Kayla protests. “Trust me, that was work!”

“We know, we know,” Jacinta giggles. “Come on, our lift’s parked outside.” Kayla and I smile as we follow our friends out to the airport’s vast parking lot, where we’re greeted by two more of our friends from London- one of whom is a lot closer to home in Minneapolis than she would be in London!

“Hey you two!” Jessica squeaks as she and her raven-haired fiancée greet Kayla and I with a gentle hug each. “So glad you could make it!”

“Wouldn’t have missed it for anything!” Kayla giggles. “And I’m glad you could make it too, Paige!”

“Aye!” The Scottish girl giggles, before wincing in pain as I hug her a little tighter than she was expecting. “Whoa, easy, easy!”

“Oh- sorry!” I gasp, jumping back in shock.

“It’s okay, my fault, really,” Paige sighs as she takes a deep breath. “Still getting used to, you know, the new ‘arrangement’, what I currently can and can’t do…”

“And she does think the ‘can’ pile is a lot larger than the ‘can’t’ pile,” Jessica says with a playful sigh as she gets into the driver’s seat of the car, while her fiancée gets into the passenger seat and Kayla, Jacinta and I cram onto the back seat. “Actually wanted to go to ballet last Sunday.”

“I just wanted to wear the leotard, see what it felt like,” Paige mumbled, before sharing a giggle with her fiancée. “Ahh… Really though, I just love it when Jess pays attention to me, hehe!”

“You don’t need major surgery for THAT!” Jessica giggles as she shares a gentle kiss with the Scottish girl.

“Eyes on the road!” Jacinta complains, making me and Kayla giggle. “And thanks for reminding me I’m going to be ‘going it alone’ when I go in for ‘the snip’ next month…”

“Oh, get tae- alone!?” Paige protested. “With your best friend living with you? And all your other friends going round to help you out when they’re available, which, I might add, includes me?”

“The fellowship looks after its own,” Jessica says confidently. “Right, Steph?”

“Hmm?” I say. “Sorry, I was miles away…”

“Her time zone is, anyway,” Jacinta whispers, pointing to the centre of the back seat where my girlfriend’s head has dropped onto her chest.

“Probably for the best,” Jessica chuckles. “SRS is kinda a sensitive topic, even when you’re, well ‘born with it’, heh!”

“I’m not asleep,” Kayla protests. “Just resting my eyes. And I’m not offended or squeamish about that sort of thing, honestly.”

“That’s for the best,” Jessica says. “You’re the one who’ll have to help Steph through recovery, after all.” I feel my cheeks start to flush as I fidget in my chair.

While I have fully committed to life as a woman, the thought of making this ‘ultimate change’ still makes me uncomfortable, even despite the support I know I would get from the many friends I have who have gone through the same thing. Even if it didn’t involve months of recovery, even if I could ‘wave a magic wand’ to become an anatomical woman, I’m still not 100% sure that I would. Naturally, this is something I’ve discussed with Dr Phillips on many occasions, and while she assures me that these feelings are all common among many transgendered people, I still can’t help but worry that it’s still a remnant of ‘Steve’ that hasn’t been eliminated- or whether my real concern is how Kayla would react to me…

“Yeah…” I grimace. “Can we change the topic, please? Kinda makes me cross my legs myself, heh…”

“You not looking forward to the ‘big one’?” Jessica asks. “You’ve been transitioning as long as me, right?"

“Umm, about nine months less,” I reply. “And it’s kinda- well, actually, could any question be more personal?”

“Only what you plan on doing with it once you’ve got it,” Paige replies, giggling as Jessica gives her arm a playful shove. However, a quick glance at Kayla shows that she is indeed as uncomfortable as I am about this topic.

“So, Jess,” I say, “glad to be back driving on the quote-unquote proper side of the road?”

“It’s still kinda unusual!” Jessica chuckles. “I hardly ever drive in London, it’s such a pain in the- well, you know- to get around, but it’s still weird to have the gear lever on my right. And for it to only go up and down, heh. Think I’m the first person in my family who’s ever grown used to driving stick.”

“’Driving stick’?” Paige asked. “I thought we WEREN’T talking about SRS?”

“Oh- shut up!” Jessica bashfully giggles as we head through downtown Minneapolis toward our hotel.

A short while later, after having bid farewell to our friends, Kayla and I head up to our hotel room, followed by an attractive young hotel porter who was only too eager to help two sexy young women with their bags! After giving the porter a $40 tip, Kayla and I set about unpacking, but despite my best efforts, my mind keeps returning to the conversation we had on the ride from the airport.

“Kayla…” I say hesitantly.

“Steph…?” Kayla asks, frowning as she senses my tenseness. “They, umm, they delivered the dresses we’re going to wear tomorrow, at least I think Nikki had them delivered?”

“Yeah, they look gorgeous,” I muse as I unzip the garment bag and look of the long, slender dress within. “But, umm, what we- what we were talking about, you know, in the car…”

“Oh, umm- oh!” Kayla says. “You- you mean, umm, SRS, right?”

“Right…” I mumble.

“I never- never realised it made YOU uncomfortable,” Kayla says quietly. “I mean, I know you’ve had, well, ‘problems’, but… I- I kinda figured, you know, when you started on HRT, that that was that, you were ‘on the road’, you know?”

“It’s not like flipping a switch, being transgendered,” I say. “It’s more- heh, it’s more like a dimmer switch. I mean, yes, I’ve thought about it, and I do have the option, but, you know? It’s a big step. And, umm, it wouldn’t affect just- you know, just me…”

“…You’re worried about how I’d react?” Kayla whispers, pausing her unpacking.

“Yeah,” I whisper. “No point beating about the bush, heh.”

“Steph, what you do with your body is your choice,” Kayla says. “You know I’ll support you, whatever you choose.”

“Oh, I don’t have any doubts that you’ll SUPPORT me,” I say with a heavy sigh. “It’s whether or not you’d still, you know, want to be with me.”

“Ugh, Steph…” Kayla sighs. “You know that I don’t see you as a ‘girl with a cock’, I just see you as a girl. End of.”

“That you occasionally have sex with?” I reply, grimacing as my girlfriend frowns. “You know SRS will make that VERY different.”

“It’s already ‘very different’,” Kayla says quietly. “And I’m not with you for the sex, Steph! How many times? I’m going out with you because you’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and most importantly of all, I want to be with you, okay?”

“…Okay,” I whisper, before smirking as Kayla nuzzles up next to me and slowly sneaks a hand up my dress

“That’s not to say that I don’t like the sex, though,” Kayla purrs, making me giggle as she raises her hand further and gently pushes our cases off the bed.

“Me too,” I say with a relieved smile, before giving the petite blonde girl a long, deep kiss…

We wake up the following morning still entwined in each other’s arms, smiling as the first rays of sunlight filter through the curtains.

“Morning babe,” I whisper, making Kayla giggle as I give her a gentle kiss underneath her ear. “We ought to get up soon, Jessica will be here to pick us up in a bit.”

“And because these sheets are soaked with sweat!” Kayla moans as she unwraps herself from embrace and pads toward the shower. “Damn heat… Thought this was meant to be one of the colder states? I mean, it was always snowing on Fargo?”

“Well according to Danny, our resident geography expert, we’re actually further south than Milan,” I say. “And you can’t blame the weather for ALL of the sweat!”

“Hehe!” Kayla squeaks over the sound of the shower. “Ahh… Can’t believe we’re about to- technically- play our first gig in America!”

“I know!” I giggle. “Maybe not where we imagined our first ‘gig’, heh, but it’s still pretty good, right?”

“I know what you mean,” Kayla sighs. “And I always imagined I’d be driven to our first America gig in some giant Hummer limo, or a classic Cadillac instead of Jessica’s rented Buick.”

“It’s bad form to overshadow the brides,” I tease my girlfriend.

“Wonder if I’d sing at my wedding…” Kayla absent-mindedly muses, causing my body to tense up.

“…A duet, maybe?” I ask, eliciting a squeak from my girlfriend that tells me that she’s just become as tense as I am.

“Umm- uh…” Kayla hastily babbles.

“Let’s- let’s not worry about any wedding other than Alexa and Jenny’s for now, okay?” I suggest, forcing a smile on my face as Kayla emerges from the bathroom with a towel wrapped around her chest and a frazzled look on her face. “Do- do you want to practise the song we’re going to sing today? I mean, the shower’s the perfect place for it, right?”

“We both know it backwards and forwards,” Kayla replies dismissively. “Let’s just get ready to go, okay?”

“O-kay,” I say, before letting out a long sigh as I step into the shower and let the warm water cascade over my hairless body.

Once my body and my hair is dry, I apply a full face of make-up, pull on a clean, very light cotton bra and thong and head out into the main area of our hotel room, where Kayla is already dressed in a loose top and ruffled skirt- and is sporting a smile on her face that’s a definite hint that she wants to forget about the conversation we just had, and she expects me to forget about it as well. This is typical of Kayla- ignoring a problem in the hope that it’ll go away. Though god knows I’ve been guilty of the same thing in the past…

“Ready to go?” Kayla asks with a grin. “I figured we’d change into our dresses at the venue, save getting them creased in the car.”

“Makes sense,” I say with a smile as I pull on a loose sundress, before grabbing my dress and following Kayla down to where our lift is waiting for us.

“Hey girls!” Jessica says with a grin as she helps us to carefully load our dresses into the car. “Long time no see, heh!”

“Yep!” I giggle. “Hey Paige!”

“Hey you two!” The Scottish woman replies. “Ready for today?”

“Yep!” Kayla squeaks. “It’s kinda exciting!”

“God, I think it should be!” Paige giggles. “Two gorgeous women getting married against a beautiful backdrop?”

“Of course,” Jessica says with a smug grin, “it’s not Loch Lomond, but it’ll do, hehe!”

“Aye,” Paige says dreamily, giving her fiancée a gentle kiss as she gets back into the car and drives us toward the wedding venue.

“God, there have been so many weddings lately, you know?” Jessica sighs. “Jamie and Stuart, Nikki and Sarah, Nat and Zoe and now Alexa and Jenny… I’d like to think that our wedding’s going to be, like, the ‘ultimate’ one, but then you’ve got Krystie and Mikey a few weeks later, and both your bandmates are engaged too…”

“And both my brothers too,” I say. “And Lauren and her boyfriend, and Alexa’s friend Katie and her brother…”

“Do we know any couples who AREN’T engaged?” Paige asks, filling the car with an awkward silence.

“…Cough,” Kayla says with a gentle sigh.

“Oh- shit, sorry…” Paige mumbles. “Eh, but you’ve only been going out, what, eight months?”

“And living together for two years,” I say. “Heh, we don’t have the most ‘normal’ relationship in the world, even when you take into account the ‘obvious’ thing.”

“No relationship is ‘normal’,” Jessica says. “’Normal’ is boring. Who wants to be ‘normal’, anyway?”

“Not me!” Paige replies smugly. “You don’t need ‘normal’ when you’ve got ‘love’. You don’t need anything else when you’ve got ‘love’.”

“Hey, that’s a good one for you two!” Jessica chuckles, making me and Kayla flinch on the back seat as we cast furtive glances at each other. “Umm… I mean, like, the Beatles song? All You Need Is Love?”

“Oh- yeah…” Kayla chuckles. “Don’t think we’ve ever covered that, though? Even in practice sessions?”

“We’ve done plenty of other Beatles songs,” I say. “’Something’ is a particular favourite of Stuart’s.”

“He always, umm, thought George was the best Beatle…” Kayla mumbles, casting another glance at me as another awkward silence fills the car. I'm not shy about telling Kayla how much I love her, and even despite her need for secrecy, I know Kayla feels the same way about me. If all we needed was love, life would be a much simpler affair- but nothing's ever that simple, even when our feelings for each other couldn't be any stronger.

Mercifully, the car soon reaches its destination, and our anxieties are quickly replaced by amusement as an attractive young man approaches the car and takes the keys from Jessica before driving it away.

“…A private home with its own valet?” Kayla chuckles. “I’m guessing hired only for the wedding?”

“I’m hoping that’s the case!” Jessica chuckles. “But that’s just a hint of how rich Jenny’s family really is. You know they offered to pay the two of you for this ‘gig’, right?”

“Joshua did say,” Kayla replies.

“We both agreed we couldn’t take any money for it, that it’d effectively be our ‘gift’ to them,” I say.

“What else do you get the girl who has everything?” Paige chuckles. “Other than, of course, her soul mate?”

“D’aww,” Jessica coos, straightening her smart dress before leading us (and our dresses) in the side entrance to the house. We quickly run into Nikki- who’s looking girly and gorgeous in her purple bridesmaid’s dress- who escorts us to an upstairs room, where we waste no time in stripping off our casual clothes and zipping each other into our long, flowing gowns.

“I take it back,” Kayla giggles as she adjusts her low décolletage. “The ride may not have been great but this is a hell of a lot nicer than most dressing rooms we’ve been in!”

“It is pretty fancy!” I giggle, before taking a deep breath and adopting a serious expression on my face. “Kayla, we- ugh. “

“Steph… Yes?” Kayla asks, feigning obliviousness.

“We- umm, have you noticed how things have felt REALLY awkward since we got to America?” I ask. “Like, a lot of the time, when we’re talking with friends, and they’re talking about, like, love, and weddings…”

“…Maybe a bit,” Kayla mumbles.

“I think,” I say, taking another deep breath, “we are going to need to have a SERIOUS talk sometime soon.”

“Really?” Kayla asks. “You bring this up NOW?”

“I’m tired of tiptoeing around everyone,” I say. “And yes, we don’t need to have this talk NOW, but, you know, soon?”

“…Or we could enjoy a hard-earned holiday?” Kayla asks, before letting out a long, frustrated sigh. “…Okay, maybe we DO need to talk. And we will, Steph, honestly. Yes, I’ve felt as awkward as you at times, and yes, I’m tired of tiptoeing around people too, but it’s not quite that simple, you know? We’re famous. We have a public profile to think of. What we do doesn’t just affect us, you know?”

“Yeah, I get that,” I say. “But…”

“…But?” Kayla asks.

“But- but I love you, Kayla,” I say, blinking back tears.

“…I love you too,” Kayla says in a hoarse whisper. “And it should be all we need, but- ugh. Can- can we just get on with our performance, please? And try to have a good time today? We WILL talk, Steph. I promise. Maybe when we get to Vegas?”

“Okay,” I say, taking a deep breath before leading my girlfriend round to the rear of the venue, where Stuart is waiting to help us set up our microphones.

The ceremony is a truly beautiful event, and both Alexa and Jenny look stunning in their dresses. I will confess to shedding a few tears as they exchange their heartfelt vows, before slipping their new rings onto each other’s fingers. Even though I’ve only met the pair a few times, I feel like I’ve known them my whole life- and in a way, I have known Alexa my whole life, as when I look at her, it’s very easy to see myself. We’re both 22, brown-haired, shorter than average, have two older brothers (two of whom even have the same name!) and, most importantly, we were both born into the wrong gender, something we are both taking steps to correct.

The two main differences between us, though, are that she’s a recent graduate who’ll be working in an office, while I’m a famous singer (possibly even world famous, going by the looks on some of the younger wedding-goers’ faces during our song). That’s not as big a difference, though, as the fact that in addition to being the girl of her dreams, Alexa is also now married to the girl of her dreams, while my stresses about both SRS and my future with Kayla mean I’m still in limbo on both counts.

However, the amazing atmosphere at the ceremony helps to lift both mine and Kayla’s spirits, and by the time the wedding party retreats to the reception area, I actually feel relaxed- and much to my surprise, so does Kayla. Far from basking in the limelight at our ‘first gig in America’, Kayla’s only too happy to sit in the shadows and watch as the happy couple share their first dance.

“So beautiful,” Kayla sighs happily as she leans back in her chair.

“They are,” I say, briefly locking eyes with my girlfriend, before sharing a mutual giggle. “…Okay, no ‘serious’ talk, not here, I promise. Only fun.”

“Good!” Kayla giggles, leaning in to give me a kiss, before pausing. “Umm… Not everyone here knows about us, do they?”

“…Not everyone,” I mumble, my light mood suddenly darkening. “They could, if we wanted?”

“Umm…” Kayla says, her facial expression a cross between ‘apologetic’ and ‘grimacing’.

“It’s okay,” I whisper. “If- no, WHEN we come out, it should be in London.”

“Yeah,” Kayla says, though it’s clear that she’s still leaning more toward ‘if’ than ‘when’. Before things can get any more awkward, though, we’re interrupted by a tall figure wearing a long purple dress, a wide grin and clutching a glass of champagne in her hand.

“Hey girlies!” Nikki giggles as she sits down next to us. “LOVED the song. And I know Alexa and Jenny did too, hehe! Did it take you long to practise it?”

“Umm, we ARE professional singers,” Kayla reminds our friend. “We do kinda do this every day, heh!”

“Oh- sorry!” Nikki squeaks between incoherent giggles.

“…Are you drunk ALREADY?” I chastise the purple-clad woman, who replies by giggling and fanning herself with her free hand.

“Just a little light-headed,” Nikki says, taking a couple of deep breaths. “The alcohol, this HEAT… And the most gorgeous couple to have got married in the last twelve months, hehe! You’d never be able to, you know, ‘tell’ with Alexa, would you?”

“The same could easily be said of both of you too,” Kayla says, smiling as this earns a group hug from both me and Nikki! “And no, you couldn’t. And yes, this wedding is just as gorgeous as yours was last year.”

“Mine AND Sarah’s,” Nikki reminds us. “You can’t have a wedding with just one person, after all!”

“…Very true,” I say. “Ooh, looks like the bride and bride are on their way… I’ll leave you two to it as I reckon you might be asked for a couple of photos, hehe! See that girl following them?”

“The one who was the attendant at the wedding?” I ask.

“That’s Alexa’s cousin Ashley,” Nikki informs us, and a wave of realisation immediately descends over myself and Kayla. On the occasions when we’ve chatted with Alexa, she’s mentioned how the teenager is probably our biggest fan in the USA, and how she’s introduced our music to her friends as well. Naturally, this has made Kayla VERY excited, and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t make me more than a little giddy too!

Before I have the chance to gather my thoughts, though, Kayla and I involuntarily let out an excited squeak as the two brides lock eyes with us and rush toward us, each extending their arms for hugs that we eagerly give!

“I thought you weren’t coming?” Alexa squeaks, practically bouncing up and down with excitement- which is understandable, considering what just happened today!

“We had planned on coming all along,” I reply with a smug grin. “Like, as a surprise. But when Nikki called the other day, it was set in stone, hehe!” I grin as the four of us glance over to where the young woman is sat with her wife and an older woman I recognise as Jenny’s grandmother- the same woman who arranged our ‘gig’. I have to suppress a giggle as Jenny lets out a sigh and mutters something under her breath that makes her new wife smirk.

“Where are you two going on honeymoon?” Kayla asks.

“We’re still working that out,” Jenny says. “Obviously we’re going to Scotland in August for the next wedding of the century, hehe! We might travel through Europe afterward for a bit, Lex has always wanted to visit Paris.”

“Paris, or an amusement park outside Paris run by a mouse?” I tease the blushing brunette bride.

“Why can’t it be both?” Alexa asks with a coy smile. “And there’ll be plenty of people at the next wedding who could be Paris tour guides too, hehe!”

“And it is supposed to be the most romantic city in the world,” I say with a dreamy sigh. “Never been myself but always wanted to.”

“Aw, you two should totally go!” Jenny urges us, making me and Kayla smile nervously at each other- there’s nothing I’d rather do that go to Paris with Kayla, but as she’s reminded me so often, all it takes is one stray photograph of the two of us kissing and our secret will be revealed to the entire world.

Fortunately, before either of us can think of a response, we’re interrupted by a loud sigh from Alexa, who had been growing more and more agitated by the third member of their ‘party’ almost literally bouncing up and down beside her. Kayla and I both let out quiet giggles as Jenny grabs the excited teenager and drags her in front of her and her new wife.

“Steph, Kayla,” Jenny says with a smug grin, “there is someone dying to meet the two of you. This is Alexa’s cousin Ashley.” Kayla and I both smile as Ashley extends a nervous, trembling hand- this is far from the first time we’ve encountered a nervous, emotional fan. Many of the young girls we’ve met in the past have been emotional wrecks to the extent that they burst into tears merely being in the same room as us, but this one feels even more special somehow. Ashley is our biggest fan on a different continent, and that sort of dedication deserves a reward.

“So glad to finally meet you Ashley.” Kayla says with a wide grin as she shakes the girl’s hand. “We keep hearing about you from your cousin all the time, how you may big our biggest fan in the States!”

“Are you keeping these two in line?” I ask, grinning at Ashley’s excitement as she extends her hand toward me- but I have something a bit more special in mind than a simple handshake. With a barely-suppressed giggle, I lean forward and give the teenager a gentle hug, which almost causes her to leap through the roof!

“Oh my god! Stephanie Abbott just hugged me!” Ashley squeaks in a voice only slightly lower in pitch then a dog whistle. I grin as I wink at the hyperventilating girl’s cousin, who mouths a silent ‘thank you’ in response. “Can- can I get a picture with you two?” I pretend to mull Ashley’s request over as I gaze down at Kayla, whose facial expression right now is just as smug as mine- and gives away the fact that she’s obviously thinking what I’m thinking.

“Tell you what,” Kayla teases. “We’ll take a picture with you if you will take a picture of us with the brides!” The grin on Ashley’s face as I hand her my phone is enough to tell me that our terms are acceptable to her! After both photos have been taken, an idea pops into my head, and a quick glance over my shoulder reveals the ideal person to execute my plan.

“Hey, Stuart!” I say with a grin, which widens when he turns around and sighs loudly. “Can you come here for a second?”

“Haven’t I been running around enough after you two today?” Our producer protests as he approaches our group. “I AM meant to be on holiday with my family…”

“Oh, be quiet,” I say in my best dismissive, ‘celebrity’ voice. “We want you to take a picture of all five us.”

“Eh, okay,” Stuart says with a shrug, taking the photo before handing my phone back to me and returning to his wife and daughter.

“This is just SO cool!” Ashley gushes as we show her the photos (which we obviously forward to her as well).

“We’ll leave you three to get acquainted,” Alexa says with a wink as she and her new bride sashay off to mingle with the rest of the crowd.

And get acquainted we did. Ashley had seemingly a thousand questions for us (many of which were various different ways of asking ‘when will you be playing a concert in the US?’), but we had more than a few for her- particularly Kayla, who was eager to learn just how popular Out of Heaven are in this part of the world. The answer, as it turns out, is ‘quite popular in Ashley’s high school and some of the surrounding schools but not much anywhere else’. This is enough to get both of us excited, though- a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step, after all. And given how excited Ashley is to see us, we have every reason to be optimistic about our ‘journey’.

We spend the rest of the reception chatting with friends old and new, occasionally dancing (albeit not with each other) and enjoying some of the delicious food that’s on offer. Later on in the evening, though, the time comes for one of the most ubiquitous parts of any wedding- the bouquet toss! I share a smirk with Kayla as we watch Alexa toss her bouquet almost straight into the waiting hands of her best friend and bridesmaid, who immediately waves it in her fiancé (who is also Alexa’s brother)’s face! Before Jenny tosses her bouquet, I lean forward slightly, causing my girlfriend to giggle and also lean forward, almost stumbling in her heels as she stretches her tiny frame toward the front of the group. When Jenny throws her bouquet, everyone in the ‘huddle’ reaches for it, leading to a moment of confusion, which ends when the dust clears… And the bouquet is securely gripped in my girlfriend’s hands.

“Oh…” Kayla says, her emerald eyes bulging at the sight of the bouquet as photos are snapped of her with the flowers in her hand.

Naturally, this dampens the mood slightly for the rest of the evening, and the taxi ride back to the hotel is conducted in almost total silence. When we arrive back in our hotel room, both of us let out long sighs as we slip out high-heeled shoes off our feet and remove our earrings, but when our eyes meet, the room is filled with a tense silence. ‘Hello darkness my old friend…’ I think to myself, and not fir the first time during this trip.

“So, umm, that was a beautiful wedding,” Kayla mumbles as she tentatively unzips her dress.

“Yeah,” I say quietly. “Jenny and Alexa looked amazing, Sarah and co did a great job with the dresses.”

“Yep,” Kayla says, leading to another awkward silence that’s only broken when I let out a loud sigh.

“Kayla,” I say in a tired voice.

“Now isn’t the time for that talk,” Kayla insists. “We’re both tired, I’m still jet-lagged… Yes, we do need to have the talk, but later. After we sleep on it first.”

“Okay,” I say, though even I can tell how unconvinced I sound.

“Steph…” Kayla sighs. “I DO love you, you know? I don’t want to be with anyone else. Only you.”

“I know,” I sigh. “I- I love you too. I just- I just want to know, you know, where we’re going.”

“How about focussing on where we are?” Kayla purrs, wrapping her arms around me and freeing me from my dress.

“But- but the bouquet…” I mumble as I feel my heart rate increasing.

“Is just a silly superstition,” Kayla says, giving me a gentle kiss and leading me to bed. “Now come on. We’re supposed to be on holiday, aren’t we?” I smile as we both flop into the bed, our warm bodies quickly intertwining...

I wake up the following morning and find myself alone in bed, but the sound of running water from our bathroom tells me my girlfriend hasn’t gone far. I smirk as I remember how last night ended, though the smirk fades as I remember the tense moments that preceded the ‘ending’. I don’t disagree with Kayla when she says that last night wasn’t the ideal time for our talk, but the longer we leave it, the more stressed I get- and the more convinced I am that Kayla isn’t really dedicated to this relationship…

“Is that you moving?” Kayla yells from the bathroom.

“Umm, yeah,” I reply, before my smirk quickly returns. “…You want a hand in there?”

“Didn’t we both get enough ‘hand’ last night?” Kayla replies with a giggle. “I’m okay. Though if you could make a start on packing it’d be handy.”

“Sure,” I say, grabbing our bag of used underwear and tossing it into one of our suitcases. “When’s our flight again? 6-ish?”

“Think so,” Kayla says. “Plenty of time to look around the city, maybe drop in on Jenny and Alexa, see how they’re doing. Probably make more sense to see them first, then we can be back in plenty of time for the fight?”

“Erm… Probably not a good idea to drop in on them this early!” I giggle as I look at our clock, which reads ‘6:15am’. “6 PM might be stretching it a bit, heh!”

“Hehe!” Kayla giggles as she emerges from the bathroom, her tiny body wrapped in a big, fluffy towel. “Guess I’d better get used to jet lag if we’re going to be flying all over the world in the next few years!”

“Yep!” I chuckle as I jump under the shower. “Are we meeting anyone for breakfast? Like, is anyone else staying in this hotel?”

“Yeah, a few people are,” Kayla replies. “Jamie and Stuart, Jess and Paige, though I think everyone’s flying home themselves later today.”

“Cool,” I say. “Can you text Jess and Paige, see if they want to meet up?”

“Sure,” Kayla says. “Though maybe I’ll do that AFTER 8 o’clock, hehe!”

“Yeah,” I chuckle. “Kinda leaves us a lot of time to kill, though…” Time which probably WON’T be spent having the talk that we so desperately need to have, I think to myself.

“Yeah…” Kayla says quietly, obviously having had the same thought as me.

“So, umm…” I say. “Do- do you want- do you want to talk now?”

“I-“ Kayla says, before letting out a loud sigh.

“We have the time,” I say, emerging from the shower with a towel wrapped around my slender body and another one wrapped around my hair. “We’re both awake, we both said we need to have this talk, right?”

“I-I’m just not feeling up to it now…” Kayla moans.

“Are you ever going to feel up to it?” I ask, before grimacing as Kayla scowls at me. “I’m sorry, that wasn’t fair… I- I’m not feeling up to it either. But I don’t want to have this hanging over the whole holiday either. I- I just want to know where we are in this relationship.”

“You know where we are,” Kayla says softly as she approaches me and gives me a gentle kiss. “I LOVE you, Steph. I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

“I know you do,” I whisper. “And I love you too, I really do, I just- I just feel sometimes like you’re ashamed of loving me.”

“How on Earth can you say that?” Kayla says, her voice suddenly filled with anger.

“Because whenever we go out, we have to hide it,” I reply, silencing my girlfriend and making her bite her lip. “I want to go up to the roof and scream out ‘I love Kayla Ford and she loves me and I don’t give a shit who knows’. But I can’t.”

“I want that too,” Kayla says. “But it’s not that easy. I’m not ashamed of loving you, Steph, god no! But- I guess I can why you might think that. We’re public property, Steph. We have been ever since we joined the band, what we do affects more than just us. We’ve got to think of the other members of the band, and our fans too…”

“Our fans would understand,” I insist. “I bet if we told Ashley we were a couple she’d just get even more excited. If that was possible.”

“But it’s still a risk,” Kayla sighs. “One I- I can’t afford to take.”

“But you can afford all this stress?” I ask.

“That’s just part of being a celebrity,” Kayla shrugs. “Steph, this- this whole lifestyle is something I’ve dreamed of all my life. Literally dreamed of. When I was seven I’d dream that I was a member of Girls Aloud, singing and dancing on stage, being interviewed, going on all the TV shows… Heh, if I’d met Cheryl Cole or Nadine Coyle when I was fifteen I’d have reacted exactly like Ashley did. Only I’d probably have cried as well, heh.”

“And if you’d learned that two members of that band were in a relationship with each other?” I ask.

“…Okay, I’d probably have thought that was cool,” Kayla sighs. “But I had a lot of friends at school who wouldn’t have. My last year at school was when the first season of the Angels was on TV, and there were a few of my friends who stopped watching ITV2 altogether.”

“I’m guessing they haven’t bought any of our albums, then?” I ask.

“Probably wouldn’t have done anyway out of jealousy,” Kayla says with a snort of laughter. “I mean, I achieved my life’s dream at the age of seventeen. Not many people can claim that. And that’s why I’m determined not to let anything, ANYTHING, take it away from me.”

“…Not even your love for me?” I ask, frowning as tears start to form in Kayla’s eyes.

“Please don’t make me choose,” Kayla whispers. “I’m happy with things the way they are, Steph. More than happy. Why can’t you be?”

“Because the last time I had to keep a massive secret from everyone, it didn’t end well for me,” I reply, silencing my girlfriend once again. “You can keep going on like this, Kayla, I- I can’t.”

“I don’t want to break up with you,” Kayla insists. “I’ve been happier with you than with any of my ex-boyfriends, hell, all of them put together, even. But if I had to choose between being with you or being famous, I- I’m sorry, Steph, but I’d have to choose fame.” Needless to say, this revelation brings a couple of tears to my eyes.

“…At least you’re being honest,” I sigh. “And I’d be lying if I said I’d choose you without a second thought. Being in the public eye- well, it’s a lot more enjoyable than it was three years ago.”

“Because you can be true to yourself?” Kayla asks, smiling sadly as I nod. “I think I get it. Well, as much as anyone like me can get it, heh.”

“Yeah,” I say. “Ugh, kinda wish we hadn’t had this talk now, heh.”

“I did warn you,” Kayla shrugs. “Though… I think the talk did help, you know?”

“Not really,” I sigh. “I’m still none the wiser as to where we’re going with our relationship.”

“…Yeah, that’s true,” Kayla concedes with a heavy sigh. “I want things to stay the same, you want them to change. But the important thing is that we love each other, right?”

“Of course,” I say softly.

“Tell you what,” Kayla sighs. “When we get back, we’ll talk it through with Joshua. If anyone can ‘manage’ the situation, it’s him, right?”

“It is literally his job to do so,” I reply, earning a loud giggle from my girlfriend.

“If he reckons we can come out as a couple without damaging the band… We’ll do it,” Kayla says. “Set the date for, say, my birthday.”

“That’s still four months,” I say, before smiling. “…But four months is better than ‘never’. Are- are you sure about this?”

“Positive,” Kayla says. “Hey, I’m famous, right? Why can’t I have my cake and eat it too?”

“So is that why I am?” I ask. “Just a slice of cake?”

“Nah,” Kayla giggles, giving me a playful kiss. “You’re much sweeter, hehe!”

“Hehe!” I giggle, truly relaxing for the first time during this trip. “Ahh… This talk didn’t last nearly as long as I thought it would, you know?”

“Because everything we needed to say could be summed up in three words,” Kayla says with a relaxed smile of her own. “…It still isn’t 7am yet, heh. Won’t be serving breakfast for ages… Reckon Olivia will have woken Jamie and Stuart up yet? We could meet up with them, maybe, tell them the news? I know you’re always looking to repair your relationship with Jamie?”

“She can find out when everyone else does,” I say dismissively. “Though I think the pool’s open this early…?”

“Just a shame we have to wear cozzies, really!” Kayla giggles as she grabs a tiny white bikini from her bag and changes into it, while I do the same.

About 90 minutes later, after a swim, another shower to get rid of the smell of chlorine (though this time, one we take together) and changing into a light tank top and loose cotton skirt, I head down to the breakfast area hand-in-hand with Kayla. Both of us smile when we spot our dining companions, whose hands are also linked- though in a much more overt way than ours.

“Hey you two!” Jessica says with a smile. “You two struggling to adapt to US time as well?”

“A bit,” I shrug. “What’s for lunch?” I smirk as Jessica and Paige both giggle, though the latter still looks worn out.

“You still struggling as well, Paige?” Kayla asks. “But, like, for different reasons? I’d have thought given what you two do for a living, jet lag isn’t as big a problem?”

“We never go any further than Greece, not anymore,” Paige explains. “Though you’re right to guess that it’s the ‘other issue’ that’s knackering me, heh.”

“Paige doesn’t get jet-lagged going to America,” Jessica says with a giggle. “Heh, it’s more of a homecoming for her than it is for me!”

“Aye,” Paige says with a giggle, before a serious-looking expression descends over her face. “Are- are you two okay? I mean, we were going to get a taxi home together last night, but we noticed you slipping away early.”

“You two did seem a bit stressed after you caught the second bouquet,” Jessica says quietly. “Is- is everything-“

“Everything is fine,” I say, sharing a warm smile with my lover. “We talked it out this morning, got a few things out in the open where they belong… We’re in a better place now.”

“Are- are you two, you know, fully public now?” Paige asks, her jaw dropping.

“Not yet,” Kayla replies. “But soon. Think we were both getting too stressed out by this. Love shouldn’t be stressful.”

“Yeah, we can tell you a few stories there,” Jessica sighs as she tightens her grip on her fiancée’s hand. “But love conquers all. We saw that yesterday, you’ll see it again at the start of August, maybe you’ll even show all of us sometime soon?”

“…One step at a time,” Kayla says as we exchange a slightly stressed chuckle- though nowhere near as stressed as it would’ve been this time yesterday.

“Well, you ARE going to Vegas tomorrow…” Paige teases, before grimacing as three pairs of eyes glare at her. “I’ll shut up and eat my breakfast.” Kayla and I giggle as Jessica gives her fiancée a gentle cuddle, before we’re interrupted by the arrival of two more of our friends- or rather, three of them, the youngest of whom is very audibly kicking up a fuss!

“Ugh, sorry about this,” Jamie sighs as she cradles her agitated daughter in her arms. “It is going to take FOREVER to get her back into her routine.”

“Aye, you’re fine,” Paige says with a giggle.

“Anything we can do to help?” I offer, earning a smile from the blonde woman.

“No, you’re okay, just watch this!” Jamie replies with a smug grin as she hands Olivia to her father, who kisses her on her forehead and almost instantly calms her down.

“It’s okay, it’s okay,” Stuart coos in a soothing voice that doesn’t just calm Olivia down, but even makes me feel less tense. “You’re not going to cry for daddy, are you Olivia?"

"Dada!" Olivia squeaks happily, melting the hearts of everyone at the table- none more so than 'dada' himself!

“She is such a daddy’s girl,” Jamie sighs. “And he’s so good with babies too, heh!”

“Still don’t know if that’s a personality thing or a genetic thing,” Stuart chuckles as he gently rocks Olivia in his arms.

“As the only other XX person at the table, trust me, it’s a personality thing,” Kayla chuckles. “I mean, sure, I think babies are cute- especially Olivia, of course- but I am just hopeless with them, heh!”

“I won’t force you to hold her then just to make sure,” Jamie teases. “Don’t want to be one of ‘those’ mums, heh.”

“And you’ll have a hard time prying her out of daddy’s arms too!” Paige giggles.

“Too right,” Stuart chuckles. “I know you two aren’t even married yet, but have you, you know, thought about adopting?”

“…One step at a time,” Jessica chuckles. “I mean yes, I’m 26, and I know loads of people my age from high school who are married, got kids, but- it’s kinda not easy for us. Especially for me and Paige, I mean, I know some of the comments you two have received for adopting Olivia.”

“Ugh, don’t remind me,” Jamie spits. “We actually had people anonymously calling social services on us.”

“Still reckon my grandmother was one of those people,” Stuart sighs. “One of those occasions I’m glad for the public exposure as Jamie and Olivia will always have millions of people sticking up for them. No offence, you two, but you kinda wouldn’t.”

“Oh- trust me, we know,” Jessica snorts.

“Seems like every flight we get some middle-aged ar- erm, so and so leering at us and asking us what’s underneath our skirts,” Paige sneers. “Even now that I can answer that with what he doesn’t expect to hear, it won’t make it any easier.”

“Thanks for not saying what you were about to say in front of Olivia,” Stuart chuckles. “We love her and are more than capable of providing for her, so what if we’re both transgendered? I guess it’s kinda like getting married in a way. So what if Alexa’s trans and now the same gender as Jenny? They love each other, and that’s all that matters.”

“I think a couple of guys from Liverpool sad something similar about fifty years ago,” I chuckle. “And get any idea of a cover version out of your head, Milton.”

“Like I’d think that!” Stuart protests with mock-offence. “Got an encyclopedia full of songs I’d want you to record before we do any more covers, anyway.”

“Maybe you can rehearse one of them for Ashley?” Jamie teases, giggling as I roll my eyes. “I had a few words with Alexa after the ceremony, I know you two have fans over here! And no offence, Jess, but it is kinda surprising, you know?”

“…Some offence taken,” Jessica replies with a grin. “We’re not all backwards hicks that exclusively mate with livestock. Just the red states.”

“And it’s not like there aren’t parts of the UK that aren’t as bad,” I sigh. “Though there it’s more the top hat wearers that are the problem. Well, and the Britain First morons, anyway. God knows I’ve had a few choice comments from THEM.”

“I remember Alexa and Jenny telling me about how they ran into someone like that when they were in England last year,” Jamie says. “Funny how the serious god botherers are almost always hardcore Tories.”

“PLEASE don’t talk politics,” Paige moans. “With the painkillers I’m taking I really can’t afford to get pi- erm, wobbly at this time of the morning!”

“Thanks again,” Stuart chuckles as he hands Olivia to her mother to help her with her breakfast. “Ah, I do worry about Olivia, though, when she goes to school, the other kids learn about her- well, learn about US…”

“Well, I’ll make sure my niece always watches out for her,” I say with a smirk. “She’s probably not going to have it any easier, having the same name as me.”

“Probably not,” Jamie sighs, before frowning. “You okay, Kayla? You’ve been kinda quiet.”

“Hmm?” Kayla asks, clearly lost in thought. “Oh, umm, yeah, kinda… Kinda don’t have any stories to share here, heh.”

“Count yourself lucky,” Paige says with a sigh.

“Well…” Kayla says with a heavy sigh of her own. “No stories YET.” A silence falls over the table and I bite my lip as we all realise that if Kayla and I go public with our relationship- as I’ve been pressuring her to do- she would undoubtedly gain ‘stories’ before too long. My stomach begins to grumble as it dawns on me that I’ve been acting in a purely selfish way, and that Kayla might have more than just money or fame-related reasons for wanting to ‘hide’- the same reasons that so many LGBT people around the world need to ‘hide’. Myself being one of them, at least in the past, anyway.

Before I went out as ‘Stephanie’ for the first time, the thought of showing myself to the world filled my veins with ice. Knowing that I’d be subjecting myself to potential ridicule, or even physical harm, was enough to keep me deep in the closet for years. Just because my decision to come out worked out well for me doesn’t mean that that would be the case for everyone- Kayla included.

“Umm…” Kayla mumbles, keenly aware that she was responsible for the silence that had fallen over the table. “Are- are you guys flying back today?”

“Early tomorrow morning,” Stuart replies. “Someone might want to ruin a couple of her credit cards at the Mall of America, heh!”

“Well we can’t not get gifts for Charlotte and Keith,” Jamie retorts. “And their kids. And Krystie, Mary, Hannah and Viks. And their partners. And their kids. And your sisters. And their-“

“Point taken,” Stuart says with a chuckle. “How about you two?”

“Off to Vegas later this evening,” I reply. “Gives us enough time to stop in on Alexa and Jenny, see if they’ve recovered after yesterday, heh!”

“I’ve texted Nikki to let me know when everyone’s awake,” Jamie says. “Thought I’d do the same, heh.”

“And we’re flying out to my folks in Baltimore early tomorrow morning,” Jessica says. “Want to be there for the fourth, you know.”

“Ah, of course,” Jamie chuckles. “Well, someone wants to be back for the third, to watch the football that’s played with a round ball, heh.”

“BOY,” Kayla and I tease our producer, who replies with a roll of his eyes and a shake of his head. I open my mouth to speak, only for a beep from Jamie’s phone to interrupt me.

“…Nikki?” I ask as Jamie checks her phone.

“Yep,” Jamie replies with a giggle. “She says ‘stop texting me it’s 9am’.” All of us at the table share a giggle at our friend’s undoubtedly hungover state, before returning to our breakfast, though I still can’t help but worry about Kayla.

However, as we get ready to leave following another, less angry text from Nikki, I realise that while we may face discrimination, it’s not like we don’t have not just millions of fans, but dozens of close friends who’ll offer us all the support we need, many of whom have been in the exact same situation as us. Four of whom, in fact, are relaxing at the Thompson estate right now, and would undoubtedly be both able and willing to give me and Kayla any help that we need.

Once again, I feel a twinge of awe (and a little twinge of envy) as Jessica’s car pulls up to Jenny’s family’s vast home, though that’s replaced by a familiar feeling of happiness and contentment when we head around to the back of the house to find our friends from both sides of the Atlantic relaxing in the heat. Naturally, both Nikki and Sarah and Alexa and Jenny have cuddled up onto a sun lounger each despite the heat, though when we approach they immediately jump up to greet us with tights hugs.

“Hey you guys!” Jenny squeaks excitedly. “I didn’t think we’d get to see you again before the fourth!”

“We’ve got plenty of time before our flight,” Kayla says. “Nowhere we’d rather be, hehe! Unless, of course, we’re interrupting the honeymoon?”

“Uh- you can never have too many friends?” Alexa giggles as she gives me her hug. “Don’t worry though, Ashley’s not here today, hehe!”

“Meh, I don’t mind being adored by fans!” Kayla says with a wide grin. “You guys just hanging out today, then?”

“Yep,” Nikki replies. “Just another lazy Sunday. Albeit one in thirty- sorry, NINETY-five degree heat!”

“Well… Not ‘just another’ lazy Sunday,” Alexa giggles as she wraps her arm around her wife’s slender waist. “The first one as wife and wife is kinda special, hehe!” Everyone present sighs happily as the two newlyweds exchange a long, tender kiss.

“Can we leave our bags in the house?” Kayla asks. “We’re probably going to head straight to the airport from here.”

“Sure,” Jenny shrugs. “And if you want to change into your bikinis, feel free to use the downstairs bathroom. And I do mean bikinis and NOT a one-piece swimsuit!” the girls present giggle as Alexa playfully pouts at her wife, obviously aware of an in-joke we’re not a party to.

Needless to say, we waste no time in taking Jenny up on her offer, and a short while later, Kayla and I are stretched out in the sun in our tiny bikinis, while Jessica and Paige have retreated to a shaded area to relax (Paige still feeling uncomfortable in a bikini following her operation). While I’m covering myself in sunscreen, one of yesterday’s brides takes the opportunity to drag her sun lounger over to mine and flops down on it with an overexaggerated sigh.

“…Still hungover, then?” I ask, giggling as Alexa replies by sticking her tongue out at me.

“We were good girls last night,” Alexa replies. “A lot of Jenny’s family were there, a lot of business partners of the foundation, that sort of thing.”

“Ah- yeah, I kinda know about having to keep up a public profile, heh!” I chuckle.

“Well…” Alexa says with a sly grin. “That and we didn’t want to get the dresses TOO creased, hehe!”

“That’s a bit more like it,” I say with a smug grin. “So… Where’s your other half got to, then?”

“Chatting with your other half,” Alexa replied. “Kayla said she wanted to talk to Jenny about something, they headed off to the kitchen for a bit. Think Sarah went with them too.”

“Ah- good,” I say.

“You know what they’re talking about?” Alexa asks.

“I think I do,” I reply. “Me and Kayla, we- we’re working toward going public. And yes, I know, it’s about time, but- well, I don’t need to tell you of all people that life isn’t exactly easy for girls like us.”

“Yeah, I had kinda noticed,” Alexa sighs. “…So Kayla’s talking to Jenny and Sarah about how to deal with, like, all the fallout if she’s seen going out with a trans girl?”

“Can’t think of anyone more qualified than those two,” I say with a smile. “Except maybe Sarah’s mum, heh. LITERALLY qualified.”

“Yeah,” Alexa chuckles. “Has Kayla spoken to her yet? I mean, privately, like in a session?”

“Don’t think so,” I reply. “We’ve seen her together a few times, especially now that Jamie and I don’t need our group sessions anymore.”

“Talking to Debbie alone seemed to help Jenny a lot,” Alexa says. “Might be worth looking at that when you get back to London.”

“Huh, that is a good idea,” I muse. “Thanks, Alexa!”

“Not just a pretty face, huh?” Alexa giggles smugly as she stretches out on her sun lounger. “And you said you were going straight to the airport from here? What happened to exploring the city this afternoon?”

“We can go and have a look at some buildings or spend time catching up with friends we hardly ever get to see,” I reply. “Which would you rather choose?”

“Touché,” Alexa giggles happily.

And catch up we did, until early into the afternoon, when the time finally came to head to the airport (after putting our clothes back on first, of course!). Kayla, Sarah and Jenny stayed in the kitchen talking for most of the morning, only emerging when Jenny’s uncle fired up the barbecue and cooked us all a delicious (and probably very fattening) lunch. Naturally, there were tears when it came time for us to leave, even though we assured the girls that we’d be returning a few days later, and as we left, we waved out of the back of the taxi until the house was out of sight- which, given the size of the house, was a very long time!

“Ahh,” Kayla sighs happily as she relaxes into the back seat of the taxi. “Yeah… That was probably more fun than looking around the city, heh! Especially considering which city we’re heading to next!”

“Told you,” I say. “Holidays are all about who you go with, not where you go. I still reckon Becca and Adeola would’ve had a lot of fun. I should've asked jenny if her family has any stables, you know Becca would've been all over that!”

“Meh, it's their loss either way,” Kayla says smugly.

“You really had fun, then?” I ask.

“Why wouldn’t I?” Kayla replies. “Had a good long chat with Sarah and Jenny too, which helped a lot. And they ARE my friends too, you know?”

“Yeah,” I say with a happy chuckle. “More than just friends, but sisters, real sisters, you know?”

“Yeah,” Kayla says with a happy sigh, before frowning. “…Does that mean we’re guilty of incest?”

“No,” I say bluntly, prompting giggles from both myself and my girlfriend as we head to the airport.

The flight to Las Vegas is just as swish as the flight from London to Minneapolis was (albeit obviously shorter) and when we disembark the plane, we’re both nice and relaxed, which is for the best, as neither of us are prepared for the sights and sounds that greet us when we reach the centre of the city!

“…WOW,” Kayla breathes as we ride in a taxi down the brightly-lit Las Vegas strip. Even though it’s twilight, the amount of light coming from the front of the buildings makes it seem like it’s the middle of the day- albeit the middle of the day in some kind of psychedelic alternate universe!

“I know places aren’t supposed to look like they do in the movies, but this place- this place kinda does,” I giggle as we drink in the sights.

“Just wish I could gamble in some of them,” Kayla sighs as she slides down in her seat.

When we’d planned the trip, we hadn’t taken into consideration the fact that the legal drinking age in the US is different to that in the UK, and as Kayla isn’t 21 for another four months, it put more than a little crimp in what we had planned, reducing it to a mere tour of the city before heading to our hotel room to settle down for the night (both of us still struggling to adapt now that we’re SEVEN hours behind UK time).

“You know, we could always come back next year,” I shrug as we unpack the clothes we plan on wearing tomorrow. “And if we are coming out in November, you’ll be 21 then, see if we can’t get Joshua to book us a few shows here?”

“Meh, maybe,” Kayla sighs, clearly disappointed by the change of plans. “I’m happy just to get an early night after the flight, heh.”

“Or we could, you know, try and go out anyway and see if you don’t get ID’d?” I suggest.

“…I got ID’d trying to buy a ticket for a 15-rated movie,” Kayla retorts, making me grimace as I try not to giggle.

“I still say they were just a fan who wanted to make sure it was really you,” I say.

“Which I doubt we’ll have any of in Las Vegas,” Kayla sighs. “Ah well, at least it’s a posh hotel room, hehe!”

“Yep,” I say as I look around at the swanky décor in the room. As we're only here for one night we got a simple room, rather than a suite, but someone at the hotel must have known about our 'profile' in the UK and decided to make a positive impression as when we arrive there are individual boxes of chocolates on our pillows and very fluffy dressing gowns- but, of course, no alcohol.

Kayla and I ultimately follow her suggestion of getting an early night, settling down to sleep together just after 10pm- and thanks to it being 5am UK time, sleep is what we immediately do once our heads hit the pillow, neither of us feeling up for anything more ‘physical’. We wake up just after 8am the following morning, and despite our long rest, neither of us are in any particular rush to get out of bed- or out of each other’s arms.

“…I really don’t want to get up,” Kayla sighs as she rests her head on my shoulder.

“Me too,” I sigh. “I’m so glad we had that talk, we can relax like this…”

“Me too,” Kayla says. “Kinda wish we’d stayed in Minneapolis another day now.”

“Eh, we’ll be back there on Wednesday,” I say. “And it’s not like we can’t do ANYTHING in Vegas, you know?”

“Not like I can’t do anything, you mean?” Kayla retorts. “Miss ’22 and can prove it’?”

“No, not like WE can’t do anything,” I say firmly, giving my girlfriend a playful kiss on her lips.

“Thanks,” Kayla whispers with a giggle, before wriggling in my arms and pressing her body closer to mine. “Though I would rather just stay in bed for now…”

“I won’t argue with that,” I giggle as we disappear under the sheets...

We do eventually get out of bed a short while later and after showering separately, we dress for the day in the lightest, coolest clothes we brought with us, as when we step out of the hotel, it’s like we’ve stepped into a furnace! Before we headed to Vegas, Alexa had warned us that it was in the middle of a desert, but this is still heat unlike anything Kayla or I have ever experienced before.

“Oh my god!” I exclaim as I fan myself with my guidebook. “Maybe next year we go, I dunno, Antarctica?”

“Sounds good to me!” Kayla says with an exasperated chuckle. “And I thought Minneapolis was hot! Where do you want to check out first, then? You know, other than a sauna to cool down?”

“Hehe,” I chuckle tiredly. “I dunno, maybe…” I pause as I look through my guidebook for any attractions that are child- well, under-21 friendly, and a few do pop-up- the 'High Roller' Ferris wheel, a bus tour of the Grand Canyon, a behind the scenes tour of a TV show called 'Tanked'...

“Let me guess,” Kayla sighs. “No under 21s?”

“No, there’s plenty of stuff to do,” I reply as I continue flicking through the guidebook. “Not all of it’s as exciting, heh.”

“We could always- always, maybe…” Kayla mumbles. “Stop off at the wedding chapel where Charlotte and Keith got married?”

“Umm…” I say as I feel my entire body suddenly tense up. “…What?”

“Oh- just, you know, to, like, send them a photo, maybe?” Kayla asks. “Steph, I- I’m not proposing. Honestly. And won’t until we’re public. Even though we, you know, like, could.”

“Heh,” I chuckle. “Can’t gamble or drink alcohol when you’re twenty, but you can do something insignificant like get married?”

“I don’t make the rules!” Kayla giggles. “But, well, yeah. It’d be, you know, a nice surprise for them? And it’d give them a nice scare too, hehe!”

“Oh- I am SO in then!” I say. “Do you know which way it is?”

“Easy enough to look up,” Kayla says, getting her phone out of her bag and looking up directions, before jumping with shock as I wrap an arm around her waist. “Steph, what- what are you doing?”

“What?” I protest. “I can’t hold my girlfriend next to me?”

“In public?” Kayla hisses.

“You yourself said last night that we’re basically anonymous here,” I shrug. “This is probably the only place we’re going to anytime soon where we can say that. Why not take advantage of it?” I giggle as a smile creeps across Kayla’s face, before she stands on her tiptoes and gives me a long, playful kiss on my lips. Needless to say, this gets more than a little attention from some passers-by, including a few motorists who honk their horns at us as they drive by!

“Okay, very true!” Kayla giggles, before sighing. “But what- what if, you know, we encounter some of THOSE people?” What an ironic way of putting it, I think to myself.

“Then I’ll just have to defend you, won’t I?” I ask with a wide grin as we head to the nearest taxi rank hand-in-hand.

Fortunately, we didn’t run into any of ‘those’ people during our exploration of Las Vegas, which took us to various parts of the city before the time came to collect our bags and head back to the airport for the next leg of our trip.

“So, that was Vegas, then,” I say with a tired chuckle as we wait to board our plane.

“It was okay,” Kayla shrugs. “This is gonna make me sound like some kind of old fogey, but I kinda wish we could, you know, get in a time machine and visit it in the sixties, you know? When the Rat Pack were in town. When I studied music at college we did a whole module on the sixties, like, the Rat Pack, the Beatles, Diana Ross.”

“Yeah… ‘Old fogey’ isn’t the first thing that comes to mind when I think of you,” I giggle, earning a stuck out tongue from my girlfriend. “It does sound cool, I remember Stuart saying he did a similar module when he was at university. The only thing that’d be cooler? If Out of Heaven were playing during that time too!”

“Hell yeah!” Kayla giggles. “Reckon we could get Joshua to splurge for, like, a sixties-themed music video? You know, miniskirts, hair that makes Marge Simpson look like a skinhead, that sort of thing?”

“I’ve got the boots for it,” I say, prompting another giggling fit that leaves our fellow travellers bewildered at the sight of two over-excited young Englishwomen.

It’s not long before we’re on our next plane, and not long after that before we’re touching down in the final city of our mini ‘tour’. Unlike Las Vegas, San Francisco isn’t as ‘in your face’, but is still a very beautiful city even after nightfall, especially the bay that our taxi takes us past en route to our hotel.

As has become routine, we check into our hotel and then head straight to bed, both due to tiredness (we’re now EIGHT hours behind UK time) and because unlike Vegas, we have a full itinerary tomorrow.

Before we headed to the US, we had one of the agency’s researchers look into the band’s exposure in the country, and while we were, as expected, unknown throughout most of the country, there were a few pockets of fans here and there, and much to our surprise, even an unofficial Out of Heaven US fan club- the president of which lives right here in San Francisco and has agreed to meet us tomorrow morning to give us a tour of the city!

After getting up, showering and dressing in light sundresses (San Francisco isn’t as hot as Las Vegas but is still a lot hotter than we’re used to), Kayla and I head down to the reception of the posh hotel, where we’re greeted by a tall young woman with a wide, nervous grin on her face.

“Hi!” The black-haired girl says with an anxious wave. “I- I’m Leah, hehe!”

“Hi!” Kayla says, leaning in for a gentle hug and making the girl’s jaw drop almost to the floor! “I’m Kayla, this is Steph, but I’m guessing you already knew that, hehe!”

“Yeah!” Leah giggles, before sniffling and blinking back tears as I give her a gentle hug. “Oh my god oh my god… I am, like your BIGGEST fan, I love you so much!”

“Thanks, I think!” I giggle as I release Leah and she fans herself with her hands, her face already having turned bright red.

“Oh my god, I am SO sorry, this is SO embarrassing,” Leah moans. “I- I promised myself I’d be cool, heh!”

“You buy our music, that’s makes you cool for us, heh!” Kayla chuckles as our fan slowly regains her composure.

“It’s just- I can’t believe you two are actually here,” Leah sighs. “It’s like a dream come true, heh! And I actually get to spend time with you, too!”

“Think Ashley might have some competition,” I whisper to my girlfriend, making her snigger, before turning back to our fan. “It’s our pleasure, really, we were pretty surprised to learn that we had an unofficial US fan club!”

“There are only a few thousand of us now,” Leah explains, taking several deep breaths to calm herself down. “But, like, it’ll be millions before too long, hehe!”

“Here’s hoping!” I chuckle. “We’re sorry Becca and Adeola couldn’t be here this week, but we hope half of the band is better than none?”

“Oh- more than better!” Leah giggles. “And… You’re kinda my, umm, favourite anyway…”

“Ah- yeah, I, umm, kinda figured…” I mumble nervously as my own cheeks start to redden.

When we first discovered the fan club on Facebook, the first thing we obviously did was check out the profile of the person who founded the page. On first glance, Leah appeared to be any ordinary nineteen year old college student from California, but when we dug a bit deeper, we discovered that she had a significant secret- that her name at birth was ‘Leland’ and she’d lived the first seventeen and a half years of her life as a boy. Needless to say, this struck a chord with me, especially when it was pointed out that my own transition had likely been a source of inspiration for Leah even though we were almost eight thousand miles apart. We’ve exchanged a few private messages over the last few weeks- even if it did take Leah ages to believe that it was really me talking to her- but we haven’t yet had the chance to talk properly, which will hopefully be rectified today.

“…Yeah,” Leah mumbles. “I, umm, I can, you know, book a taxi for us, unless, you know, you want, umm… Breakfast?”

“Breakfast sounds good,” I say, earning a nod from Kayla and a squeak of excitement from Leah.

“I know the PERFECT place,” Leah gushes, almost bouncing up and down with excitement. “They do the best pancakes in the whole of California, hehe!”

“Can’t wait!” Kayla giggles as Leah leads us out into the warm morning air.

The breakfast pancakes are just as delicious as Leah promises, though it’s the company I’m more interested in than the food. As we eat, Leah tells us her story of how she’d always had feminine urges, and how she’d secretly cross-dress as a teenager, before coming out in the summer of 2016, before her final year of high school. Kayla and I listen intently as Leah tells us how she had to deal with bullying upon her return to High School, how former friends turned against her in an instant, but how she also made new friends, one of whom loaned her their copy of ‘No More Lies’ and changed her life almost overnight. As always, I can’t help but feel emotional as I hear the tale of our music helped pulled a vulnerable young girl out of a pit of depression, but much to my surprise, I see a tear form in the corner of Kayla’s eyes as Leah tells us about her life. Sometimes, being famous isn’t all about the influence or the money, but how much we can use our fame to help other people as well. I just wish I was able to help more girls like me or Leah.

After breakfast, Leah takes us on our promised tour of the city, showing us the Golden Gate Bridge, Lombard Street (which made us glad we wore flats), Fisherman's Wharf and the Presidio, as well as all the preparations being made for the fourth of July celebrations tomorrow. Leah also makes a diversion to show us around some of the more significant LGBT landmarks of the city such as Dolores Park- San Francisco being famous as the LGBT capital of America, of course. My girlfriend and I exchange a few awkward glances as Leah repeatedly apologises to Kayla, assuming that she wouldn’t have any interest in the LGBT history of the city- and it’s clear from the look on Kayla’s face that she’s surprised to find that she does indeed have an interest in them.

And, of course, Kayla and I grow increasingly stressed as we have to keep our relationship tightly under wraps- especially as it means having to lie to someone as friendly as Leah is.

After our tour is over, the three of us head to a nearby restaurant for dinner, before heading on to our final stop of the day, a small rock and roll themed bar (though one that Leah assures us is under-21 friendly) in the centre of the city.

Both Kayla and I have seen plenty of American films and TV shows, so we thought we knew what to expect when we entered the bar. And while the decor didn't come as a surprise to us, the patrons of the bar certainly did- roughly thirty young women, all of them the same age as us... And all wearing Out of Heaven t-shirts.

"Oh my god," I whisper, a phrase repeated by many of the teenagers when they catch a sight of who's just walked through the door. Kayla, however, has a wide grin on her face, and is very clearly in her element among all the excited fans.

"Hi everyone!" my girlfriend says with a playful giggle. "It's SO good to see we've got so many fans in the US, hehe!"

"When you got in touch with me I thought I'd try to arrange a little, you know, 'convention', heh," Leah chuckles quietly. "I, um, I hope you don't mind?"

"Why would we mind spending time with such AWESOME fans?" Kayla asks, her grin growing even wider. Other than us having to hide our relationship? I think to myself as we're escorted to two very obvious seats of honour that have been saved for us.

For the next two hours, we're introduced to the thirty-odd fans one by one, like a proper meet and greet session, taking selfies, signing autographs and learning about the fans (some have come from as far away as Denver to meet us). A quick Q&A session follows, before we're finally allowed to leave the bar- though not before giving Leah a promise that we will meet her again, and if she's ever in London, she has free tickets to one of our shows waiting for her.

As I get into the taxi that's taking us back to our hotel, I let out a long sigh- which earns a confused frown from my girlfriend.

"Tired?" Kayla asks as she fastens her seatbelt.

"Umm, a little," I say. "Damned time zones, heh."

"I dunno, I think I'm finally getting used to them," Kayla muses. "...And it obviously ISN'T the time difference that's the problem, Steph. What's really up?"

"Can't hide anything from you, can I?" I say with a heavy sigh. "I just- we just had, like, two weeks of doing publicity for our album, now we come on holiday, and we spend an entire evening doing more publicity?"

"You didn't enjoy that?" Kayla asks, genuinely confused by my exhaustion.

"It was a bit tiring," I reply. "And we had to hide, you know, 'us' the whole evening."

"Well that problem WILL be solved sooner rather than later, I promise you that," Kayla reassures me. "...And it was a bit mean of us to have to lie to Leah's face like that, you were right, she is a really lovely girl. Heh, she's an Out of Heaven fan, how can she not be? But, you know, the more we engage with our fans, the more famous we get, right?"

"Even though those fans already love us?" I ask.

"Fans who'll go back to their schools and colleges with tales of how friendly Steph Abbott and Kayla Ford were and how cool our music is and how many more people should listen to it," Kayla replies.

"I guess," I sigh. "Those who aren't bullied for liking a girl band with-"

"With four girls in it," Kayla finished my sentence for me. "Now come on, like you said, we ARE meant to be on holiday, we might as well enjoy what's left of it, right?"

"I guess," I shrug. "And I suppose it's okay that, you know, we both don't think EXACTLY alike about things like that, right?"

"I hope so!" Kayla giggles, leaning into me and giving me a cuddle that seems to melt all my tension away.

"Me too," I whisper as our taxi continues driving through the Californian twilight toward our hotel.

When we arrive back at the hotel we opt for another early night. This is because not only is tomorrow’s flight an early one, but as tomorrow is the fourth of July, we're expecting the airport to be more than a little busy!

Sure enough, when we arrive at the airport, it's far more crowded than it was on our arrival two days ago, and much to our surprise, several of the fans we met yesterday are also at the airport waiting for flights, exciting Kayla as she gets the chance to act like a celebrity again, but frustrating me as it means that, once again, we can't be a couple in public. However, as Kayla rightly pointed out, the fans do effectively pay our wages, and we only have to stay and chat for them for a short while before we're called for our flight- where we're free to cuddle up together without fear of anyone seeing.

We arrive back in Minneapolis just after 3pm local time, and upon leaving the airport, are immediately greeted by a pair of familiar, and very welcome faces.

"Hey superstar girlies!" Sarah giggles as she and her wife each give us a tight hug before helping us load our bags into their rental car. "Good trip?"

"It had its ups and downs," Kayla shrugs.

"Yeah," I concur. "All told, I'd probably have preferred to have stayed here with you guys."

"Though I wouldn't have missed yesterday's meeting with the unofficial US Out of Heaven fan club for anything!" Think we'll agree to disagree there, I think to myself.

"Yeah, we saw some of the photos they posted," Nikki says with a giggle. "Not sure we dared show Alexa or Ashley them in case they died of jealousy, hehe!"

"Have Alexa and Jenny recovered after the weekend?" I ask, prompting more giggles from Nikki and her wife.

"Just about," Sarah replies. "Think the whole reality of marriage is only just sinking in for them."

"Yeah, we know a thing or two about having to adjust to new realities," Kayla chuckles. "...Though Steph probably does more than me, in fairness."

"I didn't want to be the one to say anything there," Nikki says with a smug grin. "Come on, Jenny's uncle's promised us another GREAT barbecue, if we leave now, we should be there while it's still hot!" Kayla and I giggle as we climb onto the back seat of the car, and we're soon on the road heading west toward Jenny's parents vast estate.

We spend the rest of the afternoon and evening enjoying our promised (and once again, fattening) meal while catching up with the newlyweds and relaxing in the summer heat. The day ends with a vast, elaborate fireworks display put on by Jenny's family, and as I cuddle Kayla close to me, I can't think of a more perfect way to end our holiday.

At Jenny's insistence, we stay overnight in one of the house's many guest rooms, and when the time comes to head to the airport the following morning, seemingly gallons of tears are shed in between promises of our prompt return to the US and the newlyweds not wasting time before their next visit to London.

Before long, Kayla and I are on the final plane journey of our holiday, once again cuddled up together for the flight home.

"...Just so you know," I say to my girlfriend as we relax into our seats, "we are NOT discussing the proper way to put on underwear on this flight."

"Good," Kayla says with a giggle. "Not sure I can handle THAT again, hehe! Ahh... I have really enjoyed this holiday, though. Despite the whole 'Vegas disappointment' thing."

"I dunno it was THAT big a disappointment," I say. "I mean, I did get to kiss you in public for the first time, right?"

"...Okay, it wasn't THAT disappointing," Kayla giggles. "And I grew closer to you on this trip. For me, that makes it perfect."

"Me too," I whisper, giving the tiny blonde girl a gentle kiss as we head back east toward home.

It's almost 11pm by the time we've touched down in London, collected our bags and got a taxi back to our flat, so despite not feeling all that tired, Kayla and I head straight to bed- and, in a trend I genuinely hope continues, we both climb into my bed and waste no time in snuggling together underneath the covers.

When we wake up the following morning, I'm almost confused to find that I'm back in my own room, with the loud hustle and bustle of everyday life in London filtering through my bedroom window. What I'm not surprised by, however, is the presence of my girlfriend in my arms, who is already awake and grinning at me.

"Morning babe," Kayla whispers as she gives me a gentle kiss.

"Morning," I reply, returning my girlfriend's kiss. "Ugh, I mean, I know we're still on holiday, but you know, already being home..."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Kayla sighs. "If it helps though, it IS Friday..."

"Heh, not sure I'll be up for a night out tonight," I chuckle. "We're going to Charlotte's tomorrow though, right?"

"Oh- totally," Kayla replies. "Assuming the twins aren't ill or anything, heh. Some parts of 'routine' aren't too bad, hehe! Speaking of, guess who's been called into work today?" I sigh as Kayla holds her phone up, obviously hinting that she is the answer to her own question.

"Oh- what, seriously?" I ask. "Eh, suppose it's not too bad. I mean, we can tell Joshua about our decision to go public, right?"

"That's what I was thinking," Kayla says as she gets out of bed and pads toward the bathroom. "Huh, guess we DO think alike sometimes, heh!"

I grin as Kayla heads into the shower before checking my own phone, only to discover no summons from our boss. I rack my brain trying to figure out why Joshua would want to see her and not me, before taking over from Kayla in the shower as she dresses in a light, floaty sundress (Joshua has mercifully loosened the usual dress code while Britain is gripped by this heatwave).

When we arrive at the Heavenly Talent office, we're ushered straight up to the big man's office, where we're greeted with the usual wide grin and a firm handshake each- though Joshua does have a slight look of confusion on his face when he greets me.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice," Joshua says as he sits back down at his desk. "Though you did not need to come today, Stephanie, it was just Kayla that I needed to speak to."

"Oh- umm, we're planning on, you know, going somewhere afterward..." I say, even though it's obvious Joshua can see straight through me. "And, umm, we have some news for you."

"Oh?" Joshua asks. "I shall let you go first, then, my news is not going anywhere, heh!"

"We- we've decided that the time has come to go public about us," I say, gripping the hand of my nodding girlfriend. "We- we want to work up to it, maybe come out publicly around Kayla's birthday in October." Our boss nods at this news, though much to my surprise, the usual grin and bombastic cry of 'about time' isn't forthcoming.

"I see," Joshua says. "This is long overdue. However... You may want to hold off on making an announcement a little while longer."

"Umm- okay," Kayla says, confused by our boss's reluctance. "I thought you'd have been happy about this news?"

"Oh- believe me, I am!" Joshua says with a quiet chuckle. "But there has been a development, and if these two things overlap, it might get a little... Tricky. Assuming you accept this offer, anyway."

"Of- offer?" Kayla asks.

"Yes," Joshua says with a grin. "You, Miss Ford, have been invited to be on this year's series of Strictly Come Dancing!" My jaw drops at this news- though not as much as Kayla's, who for a brief second, actually looks like her heart has stopped beating due to the surprise.

"St- Strictly!?" Kayla squeaks.

"Yes, and you must keep this to yourselves!" Joshua cautions. "This is why I wanted to see Kayla alone, though I can most certainly trust you to keep a secret, Steph! Though it does mean that your other secret must be kept for a while longer as well. If you were to come out while on the show, you would be accused of sensationalism, and the press would be VERY negative. Of course, if you'd prefer, you can come out when you planned and I can always try to get you on Strictly in 2019 or 2020 instead..."

"Are you kidding!?" Kayla squeaks. "Strictly now, please!"

"Strictly 2018 it is!" Joshua chuckles as I feel my heart start to tear. Once again, when forced to choose between me and gaining more fame, Kayla chooses fame, just as she promised she would. Once again, we've taken a step forward, only to take two back…

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Comments

Steph's back!

And I cant believe it's been five months since we last played with her... Sorry about that. :-/ I've not been well lately so getting chapters out quickly really is a struggle nowadays (even though this one is much longer than recent ones have been- hopefully quality as well as quantity?). We'll be waiting a bit longer to hear from her again sadly as I'm going to catch other chapters up in the meantime (I'm now two months behind the timeline whereas not longer ago I was two months ahead!). Sorry about that.

A list of upcoming chapters can, as always, be found here. And many, many thanks to the supremely talented Kris Traverse for letting me 'borrow' her characters from the sadly recently-completed Alexa. If you haven't read that story yet, for the love of god, do so. And all the B-sides as well. And the singles. And the 'lost recordings' too. :-)

Debs xxxx

Fame is fleeting

Kayla has some hard lessons about life yet to learn.

Stephanie hasn't had an easy time of it

Thanks for the new episode. I'm sorry that your health hasn't been good. Please take care of yourself.

Stephanie seems destined to have a hard time of it. I learned this time that Kayla cares more for Stephanie than I thought, but her ambition seems likely to do their relationship in. So far, I think you've left your main characters in a mostly "and they lived happily ever after" place at the end of their story arc. I don't know how you are going to do it here, but I hope you do. Stephanie has come so far from where she started.

So got it backward

Jamie Lee's picture

Steph would be wise to break off their relationship as girlfriends because Kayla will always put her fame before their relationship.

Her dreams as a little girl, having now been realized, blinded her to what's more important, fame or a close relationship. Out of Heaven is only a blip in the grand scheme of things, and if Kayla doesn't have a sound relationship with Steph before the group goes out of favor, they will end up going their separate ways in the end.

Kayla has already said she'll put her fame before Steph, so why does she think Kayla will change? Kayla keeps deflecting any serious discussion about their relationship and where it's headed, except the one time. And really perks up when they meet a fan.

How much more does Steph need to see, hear, or go through before it finally dawns on her that she needs to move on without Kayla? And now this Dance program crops up, and with it Kayla's reaction to being asked to participate. How much more does Steph need to see in order to understand where their relationship is going? Nowhere unless it increases Kayla's fame.

And how will Kayla react when she is no longer famous?

Others have feelings too.