"I'll take the pain 'cos I know the gain!"

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"I'll take the pain 'cos I know the gain!"

“I’m not a freak any longer. It was last year I was the freak! Now I'm a real person at last, the inside me is FREE.”
Title edited was : Enduring Pain, Eventual Gain.

An AP-500 Introductory


“I’m not a freak any longer. It was last year I was the freak!”

“I don’t understand.”

“Duh. Last year and all the years before have been me pretending to be a boy. And people seeing the girl inside. That’s why they saw a freak and called me a freak. Different. Wrong. Evil. Ungodly. It’s time. I’ve been making changes. And, thank god, there’s only one step to go.”

“You’re VOLUNTEERING for chopping …… ugh …. I can’t think about it.”

“But I can – because my whole heart, soul and mind tell me ‘THAT doesn’t belong THERE. So what am I supposed to do? What sort of a person so hates a piece of their anatomy they’ll go through hatred, loathing, discrimination, anger, nastiness, and all the many sorts of abuse ….. just to get rid of what’s inside my pants.”

Charley sat beside me and let me talk. Perhaps he was too stunned to either argue or respond.

“I know there’s not so many like me. I know there’s far more who just like the feel of women’s clothes. They’re just your typical cross-dresser. Pretty normal – and you can’t quite be certain what’s between their legs. As if it matters. But to go back, I know that YOU can’t even think about the idea of cutting it off. And I saw you cross your legs at the idea. That’s because you’re a boy, a young man. Surely the fact that I can think about it, want it, plan for it, need it GONE. Surely that tells you that I’m not a boy. Certainly not a boy anything like you. Yukk, horrid” I grinned.

“I’m not pretending any more. The camouflage is not what I AM wearing – it was camouflage that I used to wear when I was pretending. Maybe I didn’t know it – but once I began looking deep down – sure enough – deep down I wasn’t good enough at being a boy. Because I’m not a boy. I just have what to me is an ugly dangly useless unwanted thing between my legs.”

“But look here.”

“No, Charley. You look here.” And I pointed at my darling little (oh so little) breasts. “Look. These don’t belong on a boy do they. They’ve begun almost as soon as I took those testosterone-blockers. Even the quacks were surprised at how quickly.”

Of course he wouldn’t look.

“Come on. Be a big boy. I’m a girl and I’m offering you a chance to look at my breasts without me complaining. And, NO, they’re mine and they’re staying out of sight. But they’re real. Yes?”

“Please Charley. I want you to help me here. You’ve known me all these years. Have I been much good as a boy, as a bloke? Hmmm?”

My best friend, my only real friend grinned. Oh thank you God, at last a positive response.

“Debbie, is it? Is that what you said your name was? Well, Debbie, you’re a useless boy – but you’ll do as a girl, heh?”

This is a series of 500 word introductions - if anyone wants to take on any story - best wishes.

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