Black Ring VI
Author’s Note: The following are discussed or featured: sexuality, gay conversion therapy, torture, suicide, and other mature subjects.
My name is Jack or Jacky. At this moment, I wasn’t really sure. I was wearing male clothing: jeans, t-shirt, thick jacket, and sneakers. I had a very short boyish-looking haircut and wasn’t wearing any make-up. From outward appearances I looked like a teenage boy. Under my clothes was a different story though. Courtesy of Jill’s meddling, I had B-cup breasts and a neo-vagina where my penis and testicles should have been. After years of hormone therapy, my body looked positively female.
Dr. Bork entered the room and stood over me. I was strapped down to a chair at the wrists and ankles. He smiled at me and then pulled up a chair. “How are we doing today?” he asked pleasantly.
“I’ve had worse,” I replied dryly.
“So, Jack it is,” he confirmed.
“I think I’m good. I’d like to go home now,” I said to him.
“Well, that’s the problem, Jack. You signed a release form giving us full discretion on how to treat you,” Dr. Bork told me.
I looked to Jill for answers. “I didn’t agree to that.”
“Yeah, bullshit,” I said to Dr. Bork.
He merely smiled at me and showed me several pages of forms with my signature. “I didn’t do it. I swear,” Jill protested.
“I understand your confusion. It wasn’t your ‘Jill’ personality that signed them,” Dr. Bork revealed.
“I only have two personalities,” I said confidently.
“Actually, you have a quite a few more, some you may not be aware of. We have techniques to draw them out,” Dr. Bork smiled.
“Okay, what do you want?” I asked frustrated.
“I want to heal you, Jack. This current existence isn’t working out for anyone. You tried to regain your masculinity, had an affair with a woman, and nearly destroyed your marriage. You have a child on the way. This behavior is not appropriate,” Dr. Bork said condescendingly.
“I may have made some wrong turns,” I admitted.
“On an intellectual level, you know what you did was wrong. However, your instincts are continually fighting against the life Jill has chosen for you. I think some compromise is in order,” Dr. Bork said.
“You going to turn me into a straight woman? Good luck with that,” I said skeptically.
“You misunderstand our mission, Jack. We don’t try to repress existing sexualities. You will always be attracted to women just as Jill will always be attracted to men. There’s no way to change that,” Dr. Bork said.
“So?” I wondered.
“Our goal here is to open your mind to other sexualities. If a Lesbian wants to be attracted to men, we make it happen. If a gay man wants to marry a woman and have children with her, we can do that too. We don’t repress the first orientation. We simply add a new one to it,” Dr. Bork explained.
“You can make people bisexual?” I realized.
“More-or-less,” Dr. Bork agreed.
“How does that solve my problem?” I asked.
“A bisexual woman is fully capable of having a steady long-term relationship with a man. Bisexuals are not sex-crazed individuals that need to have sex with both sexes at the same time,” Dr. Bork said simply.
“That need will always be there though,” I pointed out.
“Certainly just as any married man or woman is attracted to people other than their spouses,” Dr. Bork said obviously.
“You want me to like dick? Tall order,” I doubted.
“You’ve already experimented I imagine,” Dr. Bork said as he checked his notes.
“So?” I asked embarrassed.
“Experimentation is a step forward in the treatment,” Dr. Bork clarified.
“Sounds good. Let me go, and I will start experimenting again,” I lied.
Dr. Bork smiled. “Oh, we have a better way here.” He took out a picture out of his folder and showed it to me. It was a picture of Greg.
“We know that he is a homosexual and that the two of you were good friends in high school,” Dr. Bork said to me.
I simply stared at him wondering what he was trying to do. “What if I told you deep down you knew Greg was gay and that you desired him sexually?” he asked me.
“I would say you’re out of your fucking mind,” I replied angrily.
“It’s true though,” Dr. Bork said and then showed me a video from his phone. I saw myself in the same room talking casually to Dr. Bork.
“Did you ever desire Greg sexually?” Dr. Bork asked me.
“Absolutely, but I wasn’t in control. I couldn’t tell him the truth,” I said in the video.
I watched a couple minutes of myself talking about how I wanted Greg sexually in all sorts of ways. When the video was finished, I was a little stunned. I looked over at Jill. “That wasn’t me,” she said just as disturbed.
“So, I believe we can raise to the surface this desire that you have repressed all these years,” Dr. Bork said to me.
“Good luck,” I replied sarcastically.
“Oh, I don’t need luck,” Dr. Bork smiled and then snapped his fingers. Immediately, I blacked out.
-Jacky and Dr. Bork
I awoke in the same room in the same chair only my clothes were different. I was still wearing a t-shirt and jeans, but they were women’s attire this time. Somehow I had changed clothes between sessions. I looked to Jill for an answer.
“As soon as I took control, he snapped his fingers on me,” she said just as confused.
“Who is this other personality?” I demanded of her.
“I don’t know!” Jill said just as freaked out.
“Consulting your other personality isn’t going to help,” Dr. Bork said as he entered the room.
“How are you doing this?” I demanded of him.
“There are certain triggers that allow me to go through your personalities,” Dr. Bork explained.
“With a snap of your finger? That’s bullshit,” I doubted.
“Is that what you think happened?” he asked and then snapped his finger.
I simply stared at him not truly realizing the threat this man held until now. Dr. Bork took out Greg’s picture and showed it to me. Instantly, I felt a butterfly feeling in my stomach. I was having a completely different reaction to the picture. Somehow, I was attracted to this picture. I wanted him in the room with me. It was stronger than just friendship. I desired him.
Dr. Bork studied my reaction and then put the picture away. “We don’t have any nude photos of Greg, so we doctored one.”
I was forced to see a nude Greg. It was perfectly photo shopped, so I wouldn’t know the difference. As I saw it, I felt arousal in my groin area. It wasn’t a boner but something similar. Something was working down there. I clenched my fists as I tried to control my feelings. I then snapped out of it.
“You made a fatal mistake,” I glared at Dr. Bork.
“What would that be?” Dr. Bork asked.
“Greg’s circumcised,” I smirked.
Dr. Bork looked over the picture and then put it aside. “You still think you can fight me intellectually? This is all about your subconscious. Your subconscious can’t understand photo-manipulation and deception.”
Dr. Bork then turned on a TV. He clicked on already prepared videos of gay porn. “I’m curious how you would rate each video.”
“You know, I can always close my eyes,” I said defiantly.
“If you do that, we will wire them open,” Dr. Bork said seriously.
“Alright,” I allowed and watched the video.
Despite my revulsion, my body was acting differently. Without thinking, I bit my lip and stared intently as two men went at it. I felt my nipples tingle and my neo-clit getting swollen. I only felt this way before when having Lesbian sex with an attractive woman. This was so wrong. I wanted to close my eyes but knew what it would mean. Dr. Bork studied my reaction both embarrassing and infuriating me.
Satisfied, Dr. Bork turned off the TV. “What the hell was that?” I asked stunned by my body’s reaction.
“You are attracted to men even if your conscious mind doesn’t believe it,” Dr. Bork told me.
What followed were more intense sessions. I would be forced to watch hours of gay porn while hooked up to monitor machines. Afterwards, Dr. Bork would occasionally have a naked male model enter the room while talking to me. In spite of myself, I increasingly had difficulty concentrating on Dr. Bork. Finally, he would have the male model kiss me and touch my breasts while I continued to be strapped to the chair. I couldn’t help myself as I enjoyed the sensations.
“Okay, you win. I like men,” I confessed.
“Not buying it,” Dr. Bork smiled amused.
One particular session, I awoke to find myself naked. Dr. Bork placed pads on my neck, my nipples, my stomach, and on my clit. He then calmly turned on videos of naked men stroking their cocks. Throughout the videos, the pads sent pleasurable shocks into my body. I squirmed in the chair unable to control myself.
“You will soon associate these visuals with pleasure. It will stick with you,” Dr. Bork told me.
“Fuck you,” I said as I tensed up.
Each session took a toll on my mind and psyche. Throughout the misery, I wondered where Chris was. Had he just abandoned me? It must have been weeks since I was captured at the cabin. I could sense that Jill was even more distressed.
“You’re hoping Chris will save you?” Dr. Bork asked as if reading my mind. “Starting to see him as a protector and provider?” he mocked.
“He’s a really good buddy,” I replied.
“Don’t worry. He didn’t leave you here to perish in my dungeon,” Dr. Bork smiled and then showed me video.
It was me in a dress greeting Chris. We kissed and talked for quite a while in the lobby. I was watching security camera footage. Chris and I then left the building. I watched the video stunned. What the fuck was going on?
“Confused? I don’t blame you. One of your personalities has been quite cooperative with us,” Dr. Bork revealed. “She has assured Chris that her treatment is going well, that she is here of her own will, and that she still needs more time.”
“You see, you’re not a prisoner here,” Dr. Bork smirked.
“What is this traitor’s name?” I demanded angrily.
“I don’t think so,” Dr. Bork rebuked. “I will say that she is able to impersonate Jill completely. Chris has been led to believe that your personality is completely gone.”
“Once I get out of here, I am going to set him straight,” I said and then giggled at my word choice.
Dr. Bork smiled amused as well. “Once we’re finished here, you and Jill will be gone.”
For the next few sessions, I felt like a prisoner on death row. Dr. Bork intended to get rid of my personality and merge it somehow with another. I would be gone like when I was gone for five years only perhaps permanent this time. As the weeks went by, I found my sexual orientation changing in spite of my best efforts. I couldn’t resist or change it back. My fucked-up mind started fantasizing about naked men and dicks. I wanted desperately to get fucked and didn’t know why.
“You win. I want the dick,” I told him.
“I believe you, Jack,” Dr. Bork said sympathetically. “Unfortunately, that’s not good enough.” He turned on videos of Lesbians having sex.
My mind was immediately attuned to what was going on, even more so than the men. Jill felt a little uncomfortable as I watched the videos. It was the first time in weeks that I was enjoying myself. I didn’t even notice Dr. Bork putting electrical pads on my body. Suddenly, I felt an intense shock.
“Holy shit!” I gasped as I felt it.
“We are beginning phase two where you will be punished for any sign of attraction to women,” Dr. Bork explained.
“But you said you only wanted to make people more open to sexualities,” I objected.
“I lied,” Dr. Bork said simply.
What followed could only be described as torture as I was punished for any arousal towards women and rewarded for any arousal towards men. The videos and pictures didn’t even have to be naked. I was shocked for liking fully clothed female models in various settings.
While all of this was going on, I was given a reaction test. I was told, under penalty of being shocked, to stare at pictures of straight couples. If I noticed the woman before the man I would be scored lower. If I noticed the man first, I would score higher. The images flashed so quickly that I could barely react. My subconscious took over as I clicked the mouse, left for the man and right for the woman.
I also noticed I was spending less-and-less time being myself before being triggered by Dr. Bork. Instead of half a day, it would be a third, then a quarter, and then even less than that. I was slowly disappearing into my own mind.
My name is Jane. Forgot about me? I don’t blame you. While Jack and Jill were locked away, I was completely free. I had my phone, my keys, and most of all Chris whenever I wanted. We would take strolls around the treatment facilities’ gardens. Always, I impersonated Jill. It wasn’t hard.
“Anything I miss?” I asked Chris on our routine walks.
“Not much. The pregnancies are coming along. Your boss is a little annoyed you’re taking so long,” Chris said.
“It shouldn’t take much longer. Soon, I’ll be whole,” I told him.
“Little sorry to see Jacky gone,” Chris said sadly.
“It’s for the best, and she’ll never be truly gone. I’m just merging the two of us into one is all. Nothing has changed,” I assured him.
“Sounds good,” Chris smiled.
All the while he was completely oblivious that his true wife, Jill, was on the verge of disappearing forever.
-Jane and Chris
My name is Jack(y), and I just vomited all over the floor. Dr. Bork had put an IV in my arm to keep me hydrated while giving me pills that forced me to throw up. He was associating it with visual images of attractive women. I would learn to hate looking at these images no matter how hot they were because it always came with pain of some kind.
Dr. Bork motioned for his staff to clean me up. Nothing Dr. Bork did left a scar or mark on me; nothing to prove that I had been tortured for weeks. By this time, my hair had grown out more, and I had lost weight. I also had a suspicion that Dr. Bork was giving me high concentrations of estrogen.
As my mind faded in confusion, I saw Jill smirking at me across from me. “What’s so funny, Jill?” I asked her.
“I’m not Jill,” she replied.
I stared at her in confusion and then with horror. “You,” I realized.
“Call me Jane. I just wanted you to know it was me,” she said.
“Traitor,” I spat.
“You kept me under the surface our whole life. I had no freedom or agency. I had no choice but to witness you ruining our life. You’re a loser, Jack. You always have been. What makes matters worse is that you prevented us from reaching our potential,” Jane said angrily.
“Hey, things are on the upside now,” I excused.
“Which you nearly destroyed,” she pointed out. “It doesn’t matter anymore. I want this pain to end. Imagine being a prisoner for over two decades unable to reach out, to be loved, to exist.”
“I’ll find a way to fix this,” I promised.
“How? With drugs? I want out,” she said seriously.
“How you going to do that? It’s not like my mind has an exit door,” I said sarcastically.
“Oh, there is an exit door,” Jane grinned and then pointed her index finger to her head.
“You can’t be serious,” I doubted.
“Don’t worry. I’ll make it glorious,” she assured me.
I struggled against my restraints in vain. “Too bad you don’t even know how this all happened,” Jane said condescendingly and disappeared from my mind as everything went black.
My name is Jane. I went back to Chris, my home, my job, and the life Jill had made for us. With every moment, I knew my control was in jeopardy. I quickly began to undermine both Jack and Jill’s relationships by busting all of my male co-workers. I was a pariah in the office hated by both men and women for my ambition to get to the top.
At first, I kept up a normal relationship with Chris. He accepted the fact I had changed from the treatment. I was neither the freak that Jill was nor the cold fish Jacky had been. I was just normal, and he accepted that. I looked the same, spoke the same, and acted the same with all of Jill’s memories. He couldn’t tell the difference.
“Sarah is planning a baby shower. We should go, right?” Chris asked me.
Of course, we should,” I said playfully kissing him. “How many will be there?”
“Well, my parents, maybe your parents, and some friends and co-workers,” Chris listed off.
“Sounds like a big gathering,” I said interested.
“Sure, maybe twenty or thirty people,” Chris said. “You’re not shy are you?”
“No. I would be happy to go. I just have to think of a good gift,” I considered.
“I can help,” Chris offered.
“Nah, I already have a good idea,” I told him.
My ‘gift’ so to speak was going to be my death. My time was limited before one or more personalities took over again. I refused to be an unwilling participant in my own head. I would end it all before I would give back control. I could do it now but that wouldn’t have the impact I wanted. The baby shower would be perfect. It had to be dramatic. Looking at kitchen knives, I decided I would slit my own throat in front of them all. That would be the best way.
-Jane makes preparations
The night of the baby shower, I wore a black dress and heels. I declined to wear a necklace Jill liked. It would get in the way. The knife was already packed in my purse. Chris came into the bathroom startling me. “Little jumpy, aren’t you?” he teased.
“Just nervous,” I told him.
“Nervous of what?” Chris asked.
“What if I don’t pass?” I asked.
“Jill, you look beautiful,” Chris assured me.
I gave him a fake smile. “Thank you, honey,” I said as I kissed him.
“Let’s get moving,” he encouraged. He was wearing a white collared shirt and dress pants. I sighed and walked behind him. As he walked down the hallway, I grabbed his baseball bat and connected with his head. He went down with a thud.
Slightly concerned, I put my hand to his neck to feel for a pulse. Finding one, I put the bat down and checked myself in the mirror one last time. What looked back at me wasn’t my reflection though. It was Jack’s.
“That’s weird,” I said to myself.
Jack suddenly came out of the mirror and slammed me against the bathroom door. He put me in a wrestling hold to keep me still. “Did you come back for Chris?” I mocked him.
I pushed him back slamming the back of his head against the mirror shattering it. I then took the stunned Jack and threw him against the shower wall. Before he could counter-attack, I placed the shower curtain around his head to prevent him from breathing and tightened my grip on him. As I did, I continually punched him.
He fought back taking a hold of me and the two of us tore through the bathroom door into the hallway. Jack got the shower curtain off his head and brought me to my feet. “This is for all the shocks, bitch,” Jack said to me and then slammed me up against the wall shattering hung-up picture frames.He aggressively punched me to the face and gut.
I took the baseball bat and swung into his gut dropping him. I swung again, but he caught the swing. The two of us struggled with the bat until it was thrown across the room.
“You’re just doing what I want, Jack. You’re just hurting yourself,” I pointed out.
“I can’t let you go through with it,” he said determined.
“If not tonight, it will be tomorrow. You can’t stop me,” I told him.
Jack took hold of me and slammed me against the plasma TV. It fell to the floor destroyed. I got up and pushed him against a window breaking it. He proceeded to slam me against the coffee table breaking it apart. At this point, I was bleeding badly from my scalp and bruised up.
“You’re making a mess,” I pointed out the obvious.
“I don’t give a shit,” he replied.
“Fair enough,” I allowed. Neither of us had made this home.
The fight turned to the kitchen with utensils thrown in all directions. I opened the freezer and slammed Jack’s head repeatedly with it. I activated the stove and tried to burn him. I activated the garbage disposal and tried to put his hand in it. In all of this, he avoided death or serious injury. Opening the basement door, the two of us fell down the stairs to the bottom.
At this point, I felt serious pain from my injuries. “So, this is pain,” I realized.
“You ready to give up?” Jack asked. He didn’t have a scratch on him from our fight.
“Never,” I hissed at him.
He shook his head condescendingly, picked me up, and slammed me down on the Ping-Pong table collapsing it. In the open space, he punched me hard to the gut and upper cut me to the jaw. I fell to the floor devastated.
He brought me off the floor and slammed me against the water heater. I merely smiled at him. “Take your best shot,” I challenged him.
Jack gave me a confused look as a pistol was present in his hand. I raised my own hand which also had a pistol. While wrestling around in the basement, I happened to pick it up. “Go ahead and shoot me,” Jack told me.
“Glad we could agree on something,” I said pointing it to my head. Jake likewise had his pistol to his head.
“Go ahead,” Jack smirked at me.
“You don’t think I’ll do it?” I said cocking the pistol.
“You don’t have the balls,” he said to me.
“Neither do you,” I said as I pulled on the trigger.
“Pull the trigger. Fuck it,” Jack said wide-eyed.
I pulled the trigger and heard a shot rang out. Jack winced and then disappeared as I fell to the floor. Then everything went black.
-Jane Vs Jack
My name is Jill. I awoke in a hospital bed with an IV stuck to my wrist. I looked around and noticed there was a cop watching over me. I also noted my other wrist was handcuffed to the bed. Groggily, I looked around for a nurse.
“Where’s Chris?” I asked slurring my words.
The cop came over to me and gave me a sympathetic look. “Your husband is fine. Just a concussion,” the cop assured me.
“Concussion from what?” I wondered.
The cop stared at me and went into his pocket for a tape recorder. “What do you remember from last night?”
“What is the date?” I asked.
He proceeded to tell me the date and time. “Wow, I’ve been out for a long time,” I said amazed.
“You’ve only been out a few hours,” he told me.
“No, you don’t understand. I wasn’t in control for several weeks,” I said.
“Control?” the cop wondered.
A doctor and a nurse barged into the room. “This is a really special case, officer: multiple personality disorder. She doesn’t know anything about what happened,” the doctor said.
“Is she going to be alright? I can question her later,” the cop said.
“I am going to keep her here for a few more hours for observation and then she can go home,” the doctor told him.
The cop nodded and left the room. “What happened?” I asked the doctor.
“You attacked Chris with a baseball bat, wrecked the house, threw yourself down into the basement, and then shot yourself in the head with a BB gun,” the doctor said.
I took a moment to process this. “It wasn’t me,” I said truthfully.
“I know it wasn’t. Whatever hostile personality you have is gone for now, but I don’t know for how long,” the doctor said seriously.
“It’s that clinic,” I said and proceeded to give the doctor the address to it.
“Yeah, I’ve heard of them,” the doctor grimaced. “We can talk later,” the doctor assured me and then turned to the nurse. “Ensure she’s comfortable.”
“Yes, doctor,” the nurse said and gave me a sympathetic look.
Once the nurse was gone, I saw another version of myself looking down at me. She was wearing jeans, a rock-band t-shirt, and a baseball cap. “Jacky?” I guessed.
“Yep,” she confirmed.
“How are you here?” I asked. Jacky had never crossed over to my plane before.
“I don’t know. Not sure I like this. I’m able to see and hear everything, but I can’t control anything,” she said.
“Welcome to my world,” I muttered.
“Is this permanent?” she asked concerned.
“I don’t know. What happened?” I asked her.
“Jane tried to kill us at that baby shower. I kicked her ass,” Jacky said proud of herself.
“How did you manage that?” I wondered.
“I think it’s time we give up trying to figure this stuff out,” Jacky replied.
“Is she gone then?” I asked.
“I don’t know,” Jacky said honestly.
Chris then entered the room. He had a bandage on his head but otherwise looked fine. “Is this the real Jill?” he asked cautiously.
“Yeah,” I said weakly.
“You gave me quite the scare. I found you shot to the head in the basement. I feared the worst,” he said with genuine worry.
“It wasn’t me,” I told him. “It wasn’t Jacky either,” I added.
“I know,” Chris agreed.
“She tried to kill me before. I don’t know if we can stop her. I’m not fit to be a wife or mother. You have to let me go,” I told him.
“No way,” Chis shook his head.
“I could kill you for real next time,” I warned him.
“I’ll keep up my guard next time,” he smiled.
“You can survive a hit with a baseball bat. A baby can’t,” I reminded him.
“I found pill bottles in the bathroom. I think they were repressing the two of you. Let’s just see what happens,” Chris suggested.
“At the clinic, they did horrible things to us,” I said as tears flowed.
“I’m so sorry. I had no idea,” Chris said apologetically.
The nurse then interrupted us. “She needs her rest.”
“Sure,” Chris said to the nurse. “I’ll be in the next room. I love you.”
“I love you too,” I said weakly and then drifted off to sleep.
My name is Jacky, no point in pretending. The cops let me go and no charges were filed. I left the hospital with black eyes, bruises all over my body, and a concussion. Every body movement was painful.
“Your own fault for being rough with us,” Jill chided.
I ignored her to avoid looking crazy in front of the hospital staff. I had been the one to buy the BB-gun pistol. Jane hadn’t bothered to look for it or know it wasn’t real. It still hurt like hell though. I came home to find the house a complete mess.
“Don’t worry about the mess. I’ll clean it up,” Chris said to me.
I felt a weird sensation as he said this. My masculine pride wouldn’t have allowed such a thing. Now, it seemed okay for some reason. I sat on the couch and tried not to move too much. I watched as Chris picked up the debris and vacuumed the carpet. My fight with Jane probably cost a few thousand in damage.
As he cleaned the house, I felt butterflies in my stomach. He was arousing me like never before. It was like I was back at the clinic. All the false memories and psychological manipulation were having an effect on me. I didn’t want to appreciate it. I wanted to reject it, but it felt so good.
“So, this is love,” I said to myself.
Chris seemed to notice my longing look. He cautiously lowered himself near me and kissed me. Without hesitation, I kissed him back. In my mind, this wasn’t so odd. My first kiss had been with Greg. The two of us had kept it secret from everyone. We took it slow gradually building up the courage to make love. However, things were not to be as we went to different schools. As fate would have it, my new roommate was gay too. I kissed Chris furiously just as I had kissed Nick.
“Can you take me to bed,” I asked him.
He nodded and carried me the bedroom. I tried to ignore the punches in the wall and fallen picture frames. Chris gently placed me on the bed. We continued to kiss as I lay comfortably on my back. This was a satisfactory compromise with Jill. I got to have my man and she got to be the woman she always was. As we kissed, I reached for Chris’ pants.
“Is this really okay for you?” Chris asked me.
“There’s nothing wrong or odd about a woman wanting to please her man,” I told him.
Chris let me spring his cock out of his pants. I touched it at first and then began to suck him. I had done the same to Greg and Nick. I felt no sense of awkwardness as I worked on him. Chris shuddered as he was about to cum. I swallowed him without any disgust. I licked his balls for good measure.
“Wow, Jacky. That wasn’t bad at all,” Chris complimented.
“Not bad, huh? I want to practice on you more,” I told him.
“Yes, ma’am,” Chris smiled. “Let me do something nice to you now,” he offered.
“This one is free,” I told him and fell back down on my pillow.
Chris kissed my forehead. “Get some rest.”
“That wasn’t bad at all”
My name is Jill. After I had healed, I went to senior management to reverse my official complaint against my male co-workers. I didn’t care for any of those assholes, but I had made a deal with Jacky. The woman manager gave me a skeptical look.
“Were you pressured in any way?” she asked me.
I couldn’t very well tell her it was my other personality that was arm twisting me. “No,” I replied.
“Very well,” the woman said with a look of frustration. “However, other women have come forward as well.”
“Oh?” I wondered.
“It would seem you have also made unwanted advances,” the manager said.
I felt a chill go through me. What had Jacky done? “Such as?” I asked meekly.
“Sexually suggested mockery and unwanted stares,” the manager said.
“Come on, really? I asked not believing what I was hearing.
“This company is tolerating and accepting of the LGBT community, but it does not tolerate sexual harassment no matter where it comes from,” the manager told me.
“So, you going to fire me?” I asked.
“No, all of you will be attending mandatory sexual harassment classes starting next week,” the manager said to me.
“You’re the boss,” I said meekly.
“I know,” she replied dismissing me.
I walked down the hallways back to my cubicle annoyed. “Wow, what a bitch,” Jacky said walking by my side.
“This is all your fault,” I hissed at her. A co-worker happened to be walking by us.
“I’m sorry?” the co-worker asked confused.
“Not you,” I clarified to her.
I waited for the co-worker to be out of ear-shot. “She’s too uptight,” Jacky said defensively.
“This isn’t college or high school,” I told her.
“The guys have done far worse,” Jacky excused.
“I hate you. I hate you all,” I muttered as I sat down at my desk.
Jane had scheduled doctor appointments for me to undergo plastic surgery to feminize my face. I didn’t think it overall necessary at first, but I was reminded that Jacky was able to pass for a boy. With Jacky agreeing, I decided to go through with it. Jane had already done the preliminary work. All I had to do was schedule the time for the surgery. I had no idea why Jane would care about her face while wanting to kill herself.
The night before the surgery, I ate and drank nothing as instructed. As soon as I went to sleep, Jacky took over.
My name is Jacky and today was the big day. I was abandoning any chance of passing as man. Even if I wore masculine clothing, cut my hair short, and applied make-up there would be no way to pass; might as well since I now had breasts and no dick.
I was still getting used to being an observer when Jill was in control. I witnessed unspeakable depravity in the bedroom. Jill was truly a freak. I couldn’t believe it. It was as if years of repression had suddenly exploded like a volcano. There was no way I could compete with it or even want to. I still felt embarrassed to even moan or dirty talk to Chris.
So, it was no concern to me when Jill moved my body around in the kitchen. She opened the fridge and took out a sandwich.
“Hey, we’re not supposed to eat before surgery, remember,” I reminded her.
“Oh, I remember alright,” Jill replied.
She proceeded to eat the sandwich quickly, make a brand new sandwich, and put the plate back in the fridge. “What the hell, Jill?” I asked her.
“Oh, it’s not Jill,” she said to me.
I felt a chill as I realized what was happening. This was Jane, and I was royally fucked. I couldn’t control my own body. I could only observe as she went with Chris to the hospital. Jane undressed and put on a hospital gown.
“Why are you doing this?” I yelled at her.
She ignored me and allowed an IV to hook up to her wrist. The anesthesia did the trick, and we were both out.
My name is Jill, and I am dying. I awoke with a sudden start struggling to breathe. I had vomit all over me, and I was chocking. The medical professionals worked to get the vomit out of my lungs and throat. I was too under the influence of the drug to truly appreciate what was happening. I was later told that I had almost died.
As the anesthesia wore off, I was questioned by the surgeon. “I didn’t eat anything. I swear,” I said groggily.
The surgeon turned to Chris. “She must have eaten something recently. From the looks of it, a sandwich. We gave special instructions for her to not eat anything,” he said seriously.
“I didn’t see her eat anything this morning,” Chris said concerned.
“You will need another surgeon,” the surgeon said and then left us.
“Jane did this,” I gasped once the surgeon was gone.
To my further embarrassment, my parents came in to see me. My parents were used to the fact that their son was now their daughter. However, my recent suicidal behavior had unnerved them. My father decided he needed to talk to me about it.
“It’s not my doing. It’s a hostile personality named Jane,” I told him.
My father gave me a haunted look. “Is that what she calls herself or did you name her?”
“She calls herself Jane. Not very original, I know,” I muttered.
My father said nothing for a long moment. “Let’s take a ride,” he said finally.
I left the hospital with my father not knowing where I was going. We drove towards my parents place and then passed it. I wondered where he was taking me until we reached a cemetery. I felt uncomfortable as we arrived. Nothing good came of a cemetery.
My father took a deep breath as he entered the cemetery. I could tell that this was taking a heavy toll on him. “You sure you don’t know why her name is Jane?” my father questioned.
“I just figure it’s another ‘J’ name like Jack, Jacky, Jill, and so forth,” I guessed.
My father could tell I was completely ignorant. “Okay,” he said and went through the graves.
We finally arrived at a particular tombstone and stopped. “What’s this?” I asked and then looked down: Jane ____ 1980-1999.
I stared long and hard at the tombstone. She had my last name, but I had no recollection of her. “A cousin?” I assumed.
“You really don’t know?” my father asked, his face filled with grief.
I turned to Jacky for an answer. She shrugged. “Your older sister,” my father revealed.
I stared at him in disbelief. I never had a sister. It was impossible. This Jane died when I was six-years-old. I then turned to Jacky. She had told me that her earliest memory of me was when she was six. I always figured I had always existed since birth.
“What is this?” I asked horrified.
“Your sister died in a car accident. You and your mother were spared, but you suffered amnesia. For some unexplained reason, you completely forgot your sister existed. It was as if your mind blocked her out,” my father said.
“We talked with shrinks, and they suggested we should stop talking about Jane. We thought it best that you continue to forget than to relive the pain,” my father continued.
“But then you started saying you had an imaginary sister named Jane. At first, I thought it was some kind of cruel joke. Then I realized you weren’t going away. Every time Jack mentioned you, it was as if a wound had been reopened. I thought it was your way of not accepting that she was truly gone. Eventually, I got Jack to stop calling you Jane,” my father finished.
I stared at the tombstone and suddenly recalled a repressed memory. Jane, my mother, and Jack were in the car. Jane was distracted arguing with my mother over something petty. Suddenly, the car was hit hard destroying the driver side of the car. Jack was in a daze barely able to comprehend what had happened. My mother shrieked as she saw Jane’s lifeless body.
Jack’s world became a blur as he was rushed to the hospital. As the memory became clear to me, it also became clear to Jacky. We were both shook up over it, but I was in control of our body. I felt the emotions rise to the surface and the Adrenalin rush.
“I remember,” I said softly.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. It’s just that you started calling this new personality of yours Jane again.”
It all made sense now. “I was created for Jack to cope with the death of his sister. This is the trauma that created us,” I realized.
“Yes,” my father confirmed.
I went to my knees and sobbed. “I’m not a real person. I’m just a coping mechanism,” I said.
“Come on, Jill,” Jacky said from behind.
“Don’t call me that!” I shrieked at her freaking out my father. I stood up and confronted my father. “You always hated me, because I reminded you of your dead daughter,” I accused.
“Yes,” my father admitted. “You were a perfect imitation of your sister. You spoke and acted just like her. It was as if my daughter was alive but dead at the same time. At first, I felt I was being mocked but you never went away no matter how much we tried.”
“When you started cross-dressing, you looked just like Jane. I couldn’t understand it. We packed away every picture and video of Jane. And yet, you looked just like her,” my father said.
“I’m a memory of someone else,” I realized bitterly. “All that I am is an imitation of her.”
“You have made your own path in life,” my father assured me.
“I’m not a real person. I was never in control. I am what Jack thought Jane would do. I had no right to make these changes,” I realized.
“An imitation couldn’t have done what you did for five years. At first, I thought you were Jack acting out. Now, I know that you’re real. You’re my daughter,” my father said to me.
“I can’t handle this,” I said becoming stressed out by all of this. My mind went spinning and then it went black.
My name is Jacky. I got to my feet and dusted myself off. “Jill?” my father wondered.
“It’s Jack…key,” I replied.
“What happened to Jill?” my father asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t sense her,” I said disturbed.
“I’m sorry we didn’t tell you,” my father apologized.
“I think I lost a few sisters today,” I said sadly. With some confidence, I knew that this mental breakthrough would end the other personalities. I would finally be a normal person. I had to lose a lot to get to this point.
“Is she truly gone?” my father asked concerned.
“I don’t know,” I said honestly.
I went home unsure of the future. Chris loved Jill, not me. He wanted a future with children with Jill, not me. I was an unwanted inconvenience. Now that only I remained of myself, I contemplated how I would tell him. The clinic had done a good job. I truly felt attracted to him in spite of myself. I also found women boring and problematic. After some reflection, I came to accept that if I wasn’t with Chris I would want a boyfriend rather than a girlfriend.
But I didn’t do any of that. I pussy’d out and tried to impersonate Jill as much as I could. I did chores and cooking at home, I went to work, and I pretended to be happy for Sarah’s pregnancy. At my job, I actually had to know what I was doing without any experience or education. Before, I had just shammed out allowing Jill to do all the work. I also had to do some bogus sexual harassment training. I was for the first time, truly alone.
My female boss came around and dumped some papers on my desk. “I need you have all this done by next Monday, and I need you complete your sexual harassment training by the end of the week. If you fail to get it all done, you’re fired,” she said.
I stared at the large stack of papers and then at my computer screen. Jill was not here to help me. I would probably get divorced soon. I would be forced to pay child support for Sarah’s kid for eighteen years. I was likely to be fired by the end of the week.
-Jacky impersonating Jill
To be continued…
Author’s Note: I have no insider knowledge on gay conversion therapy techniques. I make no claim that all or any clinics behave this way or that all or any of these techniques are used on patients. Suggestions for continuing this series are welcome.
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