Mother and Daughter, part 10

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“Ugh, feels SO good, knowing I’m not going to be back at work until Tuesday!” Meredith sighed happily as she removed her name badge and tossed it into her locker. “I mean, yes, it’s only a three day weekend, but it’s a good one, you know.”

“Oh- no arguments here!” Janet giggled, removing her own name badge and pulling on her warm winter coat. “Shannon? You looking forward to the big day?”

“Definitely,” the shy blonde girl replied, giggling as she pulled on the woolen reindeer-themed sweater, much to the delight of her friends.

“Are you hanging up your stocking on the wall…” Meredith playfully sang, before squeaking excitedly. “Eee! Just three days to go now!”

“Yep!” Janet said, outwardly sharing her friends’ enthusiasm, but internally she was filled with anxiety at the thought of the upcoming festive period.

For the second Christmas in a row, Janet would be spending Christmas isolated from her family, and this thought filled the middle-aged woman with dread. While the situation would not be as bad as it had been the previous year, thanks to her reconciliation with her daughter and her continued closeness with Ellie, the fact remained that on Christmas Day, she would have no contact with her wife or son. They would not exchange presents, or cards, or even any words during the entire festive period, and while Janet had consciously prepared herself for this reality, it still caused her a lot of pain.

She would, of course, put a brave face on, both for Ellie’s sake and her own. She would exchange gifts with Lindsay, which was more than could be said for the previous Christmas, and she wouldn’t be alone on the 25th as she’d have Ellie to keep her company. However, as close as the two transgendered women had grown, the fact remained that they would at best be ‘lonely together’ on Christmas Day. All of their other friends had their own families with whom they would spend the festive period, and while Janet didn’t begrudge them wanting to be around loved ones during that particular time of the year it only worsened her negative feelings toward it.

The one source of consolation for both Janet and Ellie was that thanks to the hormone treatments they were taking, their bodies had significantly changed over the course of the previous twelve months. 43 years of testosterone had been a lot of 'damage' to undo for Janet, but her hormone therapy had seen noticeable results. Her skin was softer, her hips had widened and slowly, but surely, breasts were beginning to grow on the front of her chest. While Ellie had only been taking hormone treatments for five months, she too had started to notice changes to her body- but the most significant changes to the two women had been to their minds.

Neither woman had been particularly 'reserved' beforehand, but ever since oestrogen had begun to dominate their bodies, they'd found it harder and harder to control their emotions, even when in public. Random, unprovoked crying fits had become a feature of their day to day lives, as had bouts of deep depression and unexplainable highs. As time went on, Janet and Ellie gradually got used to the changes, knowing that no matter what, each could rely on the other to help them through their transition.

And while they would be by themselves on Christmas Day, Janet and Ellie’s friends were only too happy to spend time with them in the days beforehand, including that particular evening.

“Do you know,” Meredith said as the three women took their seats in the warm, packed cinema, “this’ll the first Star Wars film I’ll have ever seen in the cinema?”

“Really?” Shannon asked. “I remember my parents taking me and my sister to the cinema to watch the originals when I was eight. Amanda was pretty scared by Darth Vader and REALLY didn't want to watch the other ones, heh.”

“Yeah, well I was three when Return of the Jedi came out so I was too young to watch that,” Meredith replied. “Then when the new ones came out in 1999 I was eighteen so I was too busy getting hammered all the time and, you know, Star Wars isn’t really my thing but it is a lot of fun, you know?”

“Yeah, heh,” Shannon chuckled. “Janet? You’re the one who suggested we come here today, you big into Star Wars?”

“Hmm?” Janet replied. “Umm, yes, heh. The first movie came out when I was three so I was too young for that, but I had all the comics and the toys growing up. One of my earliest memories was my dad taking me to see Empire Strikes Back when I was six.”

“Aww,” Shannon said with a giggle.

“It was- ugh, I promised myself I wouldn’t cry,” Janet sighed as she felt her emotions well up within her.

“Janet?” Shannon asked, concern creeping into her voice. “You- you okay?”

“Yeah,” Janet sniffled. “It’s just- I went to see The Force Awakens with my son when it came out and that- that was kinda the last thing we did as fath- umm, I mean, as parent and child.”

“Oh my god,” Shannon said quietly as the older woman tried to calm herself. “Are- are you sure you’re okay? I mean, we can leave if-“

“No, no, I’m okay,” Janet whispered. “I want to do this.”

“What, like, to prove that you can, sort of thing?” Shannon asked.

“I guess,” Janet shrugged. “More though ‘cause I want to see what happens with Luke Skywalker and Rey, hehe!” Janet forced a smile on her face to let her friends know that outwardly, she was okay, but on the inside, there was a very, very large part of her that desperately wished to have her son alongside her, just as he had been two years earlier.

“As long as Adam Driver gets his shirt off, I’ll be happy,” Meredith said as the cinema darkened and the LucasFilm logo appeared on the screen.

Just over two hours later, the three women emerged from the cinema with wide grins on their faces despite being greeted by the freezing cold weather.

“THAT was amazing!” Meredith giggled. “The effects are just so much more amazing on a big screen, I mean, yes, I have an HD TV and a Blu-ray player but it’s just not the same, you know?”

“Oh- definitely,” Janet said. “I mean yes, it was sad about Luke, but he’ll be back in the next film. And I really liked Yoda’s lesson too.”

“The greatest teacher, failure is,” Shannon said with a smile. “I know a LOT of people who could learn from that.” Yep, Janet thought to herself, like me, for example.

Every day when she woke up, Janet couldn’t help but feel like a failure as a parent. Despite the reassurances of her counsellor and her friends, she took the blame and the responsibility for her son’s actions- his crimes- upon herself. It had been her job to raise Ethan, and his assault of Ellie was proof that she had failed in her task. Logically, she knew that Ethan was an adult and responsible for his own actions, but it had been Janet’s job to guide Ethan, to ‘mould’ him into the man he would become, and she had not been up to the task. And, as Janet often reminded herself, her decision to transition only pushed Ethan further down the dark path he’d chosen.

However, Janet was determined to learn from her mistakes. She had been given a second chance when Ellie came into her life, and by no small miracle, was able to reconnect with Lindsay as well. Janet knew that it would require a much larger miracle for her to ever reconnect with Ethan, but that didn’t stop her from holding onto the faintest glimmer of hope…

“Ah- before I go,” Shannon said, reaching into her handbag and producing two small but well-wrapped packages. “Merry Christmas!”

“Aww, thank you!” Janet giggled, exchanging a gentle hug with the young woman. “I’ve got yours too, hehe!” Shannon and Meredith both smiled as Janet handed over their gifts, before Meredith gave her gifts to Janet and Shannon.

“I still think a Secret Santa would’ve been fun,” Meredith said, “but if you think about it, there’s no way it could work with only two people, you know? ‘Cause if, say, I picked Janet’s name, then I know that Shannon would’ve bought my gift, ‘cause the only other option would’ve been Shannon picking her own name, that sort of thing, like.”

“We’ll just have to make more friends then,” Janet said with a shrug that made both of her friends giggle. “On that topic, Ellie and her friends have done a Secret Santa this year, now there’s more than three of them.”

“Ooh,” Shannon cooed excitedly. “Who’d Ellie get?”

“She won’t even tell me, heh,” Janet replied. “Ahh… I am glad though that she’s got more friends to have fun with, especially at this time of the year. I’ll probably be home before her, heh.”

“Even though that means your actual daughter will be out late too?” Meredith asked. “By which I mean, you know, Lindsay, ‘cause she’s, like, your biological daughter, not that Ellie-“

“I know, I know, it’s okay,” Janet chuckled. “Both my girls are growing up, heh. But that’s okay too. I’m just happy being an old fart.”

“You’re not THAT old,” Meredith said. “We had fun on your birthday a couple of weeks ago, didn’t we?”

“Oh- definitely,” Janet replied. “But 44 is a long way from 24, and even that’s a long way from where Ellie and Lindsay are now.”

“Well- thanks for making me feel old, heh,” Shannon chuckled.

“Ah, you and Jason will be knee deep in kids before too long,” Janet teased. “Then you’ll be neck-deep in teenagers and wondering where your life went, heh. But trust me when I saw it’s worth it.”

“Yeah,” Shannon shyly giggled. “You two have a great Christmas, okay? If we don’t talk beforehand, I mean.”

“Yep, you too!” Janet chuckled, waving her friends goodbye as she headed toward the nearest tube station.

When she arrived home, Janet was unsurprised to find the flat empty and in total darkness. Even though it was only 8pm, Janet suspected she could have arrived home after midnight and would still have been home before Ellie- and that simple fact brought a wide smile to the older woman’s face. After her assault, Ellie had been reluctant to leave the flat for any social gathering, day or night, but as time had gone on, the younger woman had become very much the night owl. What made Janet the proudest of all was that Ellie’s ‘recovery’ was due in no small part to Lindsay’s friendship. And while Janet did worry about the girls’ safety on their nights out, she did allow herself to think that maybe she wasn’t as bad a parent as she thought…

When Janet got up the following morning, she chuckled at the sight of Ellie’s suicidally high-heeled shoes and handbag carelessly left on the floor just inside the front door, and the sound of gentle snoring coming from the young woman’s room. After making herself some breakfast, Janet switched the TV on and relaxed on the sofa, smirking as she waited for the inevitable tired, grumpy response from her flat mate.

“Ah, good morning, sunshine!” Janet said as Ellie emerged from her bedroom wrapped in her fluffy pink dressing gown and with her long blonde hair lazily draped around her head.

“…Morning,” Ellie grunted, not pausing en route to the kitchen.

“Good night last night?” Janet asked.

“Yeah, it was alright,” Elle shrugged. “The girls are coming round today, if that’s okay?”

“Yeah, course it is,” Janet replied. “Assuming you’re dressed by then, anyway.”

“Ha ha,” Ellie sarcastically scoffed. “Jack’ll be coming round as well so yes, I will have clothes on by then.”

“Reckon Jack’ll cope, being in a room with six girls?” Janet asked, making her young flat mate smirk.

“Assuming I can keep Keira’s hands off him,” Ellie said with a snort of laughter.

“I thought Jack was only fifteen?” Janet asked.

“Yeah, like that’ll stop anyone,” Ellie retorted with a roll of her eyes. “Welcome to 2017, Janet.”

“Yes, yes, alright,” Janet sighed. “I was just pointing it out. I’m just worried Jack will be bored, that’s all. I know you two get on well when you’re together but in a large group…”

“He’ll be fine,” Ellie shrugged. “The girls have all met him already anyway.”

“…Okay, THAT’s news to me,” Janet chuckled. “But that’s okay, I don’t expect you to keep me up to date on everything that happens in your private life. Though if you ever plan on bringing a boy home-“

“Yes,” Ellie sighed with mock exasperation. “You’ve made your position about THAT perfectly clear.”

“Only because the walls are too thin,” Janet said. “What time are the girls- well, girls and boy coming round?”

“’Bout an hour,” Ellie shrugged. “Probably gonna head out and do a bit of Christmas shopping as well, we’ve done a secret Santa, the six of us.”

“Yeah, you’ve said,” Janet said. “You know they don’t work with only three people, you need to have a minimum of four?”

“Fascinating,” Ellie said with a sarcastic snort of laughter as she turned her attention back to her phone. Lucky I know this is a GOOD sign, Janet thought to herself as she finished her breakfast and dressed for the day in a long, cozy sweatshirt and a pair of tight, shiny leggings. A significant amount of time later, Ellie emerged from her bedroom with her face covered in thick make-up and her body clad in a tight, low-cut sweater, a scandalously short pleated skirt and a pair of shiny translucent tights. Mere minutes later, a knock came from the front door of the flat, and five excited-looking young women entered the flat, each of whom exchanged hugs with Ellie before sitting down- though one of the girls lingered behind and exchanged a long, tight hug with Janet.

“Hi, ‘dad’,” Lindsay said with a chuckle.

“Hi Lindsay!” Janet said, trying her hardest to keep her emotions in check. “You- you looking forward to Christmas, then?”

“Oh- definitely!” The 16 year old girl giggled. “I really wish you could be there, though…”

“Well I’m here, now,” Janet said. “And yes, I do have plenty of presents for you to take home.”

“Assuming I can smuggle them in,” Lindsay snorted. “It’s okay. Anything will be okay, heh.”

“Well I wouldn’t feel okay with just ‘anything’,” Janet said, before chuckling as she gave her daughter another hug. “Go on, go and play with your friends, heh!”

“Thanks, dad,” Lindsay sighed, her cheeks reddening slightly with embarrassment as she felt her friends staring at the two of them, stares that followed the 16 year old girl to the seating area in the centre of the room.

“You know,” Jodie mused as Lindsay sat down between her and Ellie, “I’ve said it before, but your dad IS cool, you know?”

“I guess,” Lindsay shrugged. “It’s still so weird though, you know? Umm, no offence, Ellie…”

“None taken,” Ellie shrugged. “It’d be weird for me too, you know, if, like, my dad came out, or even if Jack came out too, you know?”

“He’d better not,” Keira said with a devilish glint in her eye that made Ellie giggle and shake her head.

“YOU’D better not either!” The young blonde transwoman playfully cautioned.

“Does it happen a lot?” Kacey asked. “I mean, more than one person in the same family transitioning?”

“Guess it must sometimes,” Ellie shrugged. “Can see how it’d split families apart though, if one person comes out like this…” Ellie frowned and bit her lip as a dark mood lowered over the group.

“Anyway,” Monique said. “As of today, we are free women, hehe. Well, for two weeks, anyway!”

“Hell yeah we are!” Jodie giggled. “Where we gonna go today?”

“Once Jack’s here, anyway?” Ellie interjected.

"I know a place," Monique said. "Though when the Angels' coffee shop opens next month, I'm hoping you can get us, like, mates' rates?"

"We'll see," Ellie said with a sly grin.

A short while later, the six girls, accompanied by Jack, took their seats in the packed coffee shop, and within seconds the atmosphere at the table was energised by the teenagers' excitement about the upcoming festive period- even that of the shy young man, who immediately found himself the centre of attention.

"So, Jack," Keira said in a playful, flirtatious voice. "What are you expecting to get for Christmas?"

"Oh, umm, just, you know, stuff," the 15 year old boy replied. "Probably the new FIFA game, clothes, that sort of thing."

"When are you back at school?" Jodie asked.

"The 3rd," Jack replied. "Sucks that we only get two weeks at Christmas, heh."

"Decided where you're going to coll-" Keira asked, before being interrupted by a loud sigh from Jack's sister.

"Give him chance to breathe, for god's sake!" Ellie giggled, giving her younger brother a gentle cuddle. "Sorry, Jack. Some of the girls are a bit overexcited today, hehe!"

"Some of the girls are looking at Jack the same way a starving man looks at a hamburger," Lindsay teased, giggling as Keira stealthily rolled her eyes.

"Yeah, well sadly our parents have a few things to say about THAT too," Ellie snorted, bringing confused looks to her friends' faces.

"...No girls full stop until we're sixteen," Jack explained. "Even as, you know, 'not girlfriend' friends."

"And in my case, it was no boys ever, EVER," Ellie snorted.

"I was kinda thinking," Lindsay sighed. "My mum's kinda the same way. My dad- well, you'd probably know better than I would, heh."

"Probably," Ellie shrugged. "Fortunately Jack doesn't have to worry about THAT, heh."

"You- you're not gay, then?" Jodie asked. "'Cause you know, if you were, you're in, like, the best possible place to say-"

"I am only interested in girls," Jack said, nodding his head. "And eight months today, I might actually be allowed to have a girlfriend, heh."

"Oh god," Keira moaned. "You were born in August?"

"Yeah," Jack sighed. "It sucks, but there's nothing I can do about it, I guess."

"Anyway," Monique said, trying to re-energise the mood at the table, "it doesn't mean that you can't have fun spending time with us, hehe!"

"I guess," Jack said with a smile.

"You don't- you don't have any male friends you hang out with?" Keira asked, prompting disapproving stares from her friends. "...What?"

"How many boyfriends do you need?" Kacey asked with a sigh.

"I'll get one first and make up my mind based on how cute he is," Keira replied, giggling as she stuck her tongue out at the brown haired girl, who also let out an excited giggle.

"Good answer!" Monique chuckled. "Ah, you know we're only teasing really, Jack?"

"Yes," Jack replied with a heavy, albeit playful sigh. "THAT's something that hasn't changed." The young man smirked as he cast an accusing glance at his sister, who replied with a loud, overdramatic sigh.

"Shocked and appalled," Ellie said, before giggling and giving her reluctant brother another cuddle. "And it never will change, hehe!"

"I would say 'get a room'," Kacey chuckled, "but-"

"Eww!" Ellie and Jack said simultaneously, making their friends all laugh loudly again.

The seven teenagers remained at the coffee shop for another hour, before dispersing into nearby shops to buy their Secret Santa presents. Rather than head home, Jack took the opportunity to speak to his sister more privately- a gesture Ellie genuinely appreciated.

"Thanks for coming out today," the blonde girl said in a soft, genuine voice. "Just wish we could, you know, celebrate Christmas together properly, like we used to."

"'Like we used to'?" Jack replied. "What, you stay in your room all day and I listen to dad moan all the time?"

"I meant 'as a family', as you well know," Ellie snorted, before giggling. "But this IS better than nothing."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Jack sighed. "Dad- well, mum and dad still, you know, don't talk a lot- umm, about you..."

"Not surprised," Ellie scoffed. "I mean, I'm only their firstborn and all, right?"

"Ellie, I-" Jack stammered, before sighing. "I dunno. But it's been over a year and we're still like this, you know? And if they treat you like this, I- I worry that they might so the same to me too."

"Oh- god, Jack..." Ellie sighed. "Have you tried telling mum and dad this?"

"Ugh, how, exactly?" Jack replied. "I tell dad and he gets out his 'one phrase solves everything' saying."

"'Man up'," Ellie and her brother said simultaneously, both with voices filled with disgust.

"Like, is that saying actually meant to make me feel better?" Jack spat.

"I think it's meant to make HIM feel better," Ellie snorted. "He's proved he's the big swinging dick, who cares how anyone else feels?"

"Sometimes he can be a total twat," Jack spat.

"What about mum?" Ellie asked.

"What about her?" Jack snorted. "She sat by and did nothing when dad kicked you out."

"Well- yes, I guess," Ellie sighed. "But, you know, she could help some way, I dunno."

"...Have you tried calling her?" Jack asked quietly, prompting a confused stare from his sister.

"Uh- what?" Ellie asked. "What good would THAT do?"

"Well, you know..." Jack mumbled. "You could, um, talk, I guess?"

"And then listen as the phone gets slammed down on me?" Ellie snorted. "No thank you! Got better ways to spend my Christmas."

"Well you know, it's just going to be me, mum and dad on Christmas Day," Jack said. "Since grandma died last year and Uncle Paul lives in Amsterdam..."

"If they want to apologise to me for not telling me about grandma, I'll listen," Ellie scowled, making Jack sigh.

"I- I just want to have my sister in my life," Jack said.

"I AM in your life," Ellie replied. "I'm right here. I'll go where I'm wanted, for you, sure. But for mum and dad?"

"Don't you want to be home at Christmas?" Jack asked, biting his lip as he saw tears form in his sister's eyes.

"...More than anything," Ellie confessed. "But you and I both know it isn't that easy and never will be."

"Nothing's going to change if you don't do something about it," Jack mumbled, before sighing as his phone beeped. "...Ugh, it's dad, wanting to know where to pick me up."

"And as always, the answer is 'as far away from me as possible'," Ellie sighed. "It's okay. You have a good Christmas if I don't see you before, okay?"

"You too," Jack said, blinking back tears of his own as he shared a gentle hug with his sister before heading away through the crowd.

With her company gone, Ellie wasted no time in picking out a present for her 'Secret Santa', and after having it wrapped, headed back to her flat where she found Janet busy wrapping presents- many of which got hastily hidden when the teenaged girl opened the front door.

"A bit of warning before you come barging in, please?" Janet chastised the seventeen year old girl, before smirking. "Did you have fun today?"

"Loads," Ellie replied, sneakily craning her head to try to see where Janet had hidden her presents, only for the older woman to cut her off with a smile. "Meh, had to try, hehe!"

"You'll see your presents soon enough," Janet chuckled. "Did you get your Secret Santa present done?"

"Yep," Ellie replied, earning a quizzical stare from her flat mate.

"...Well?" Janet asked. "Who did you get?"

"Keira," Ellie replied with a sigh. "Was kinda hoping to get Lindsay, heh."

"Yeah, I was too," Janet chuckled. "And I'm glad you were as well. I know this'll sound- well, it'll sound like SOMETHING, but- but I am glad you and her are becoming such good friends."

"Yeah, me too," Ellie said. "And the word you're looking for is 'cringey'. Even if your point is right."

"Thanks, I think," Janet chuckled. "You going to hand your presents over tomorrow after work?"

"That's the plan," Ellie sighed. "Ugh, now this WILL sound stupid, but- even with work, I'm looking forward to tomorrow more than I am Christmas Day, you know?"

"Yeah," Janet sighed sadly. "I know EXACTLY what you mean. While you're out, Lindsay will be coming over, so I can kinda, you know, have my family Christmas then."

"Yeah, that was me today," Ellie sighed.

"...Let's not make this a competition, okay?" Janet asked, making Ellie wince.

"Sorry, sorry," Ellie mumbled.

"No- no, it's okay," Janet sighed. "We got through last Christmas together, we'll get through this one as well. And we are in a much better position than we were last year, right? With your studies and Jack, and me and Lindsay, right?"

"Yeah, that's true," Ellie said with a smile. "What's for dinner tonight?"

"Whatever's in the cupboard, same as always," Janet replied with a grin as Ellie rolled her eyes and, taking the hint, headed through to the kitchen to prepare their evening meal.

After filling their stomachs, the two women opted for an early night, both wanting to be relaxed and refreshed for the following day.

The Sun had yet to rise when the two women's alarms went off on Christmas Eve morning, but they were both already awake and eager to get a head start on what the day had in store for them. By the time Ellie had left for work, Janet had cleaned the flat from top to bottom, rearranged the ornaments on their Christmas tree twice and already started preparing the special lunch she'd planned out for the day. Despite her enthusiasm, though, Janet was still flustered when the flat's doorbell rung just after 10am. However, all of her emotions were replaced by a feeling of pure joy when she opened the front door to be greeted by the smiling face of her daughter.

"Hi dad!" Lindsay said in an emotional voice as she gave her parent a tight hug, before taking off her coat and dropping a bag of presents onto the sofa. "That food smells AMAZING, hope you didn't go to too much trouble..."

"You're joking, right?" Janet replied, taking a subtle deep breath to compose herself. "First Christmas with my daughter in what feels like forever, you bet I'm going to go to trouble!"

"Thanks," Lindsay whispered bashfully. "I- I love your dress, is that new?"

"I've had it a while," Janet said, showing off the dark knee-length, long-sleeved garment. "It's probably my fanciest dress, heh. Wanted to make an effort there too, heh."

"Well I- I love it," Lindsay said. "Do you want a hand in the kitchen?"

"No, I'm fine, thanks," Janet replied, before letting out a sigh. "And Lindsay- relax, okay? I want this to be a special day. I want this to be OUR day. I want you to feel at home because as far as I'm concerned, this is your home, any time you want it to be."

"Th- thanks," Lindsay said, before wiping a tear away from her eye. "You know I'd love that too, I just- I just wish it could be that easy."

"I know you do," Janet said, "I do too. But we have this. So let's make the most of it, okay?"

"Okay," Lindsay replied.

"So tell me about college!" Janet chuckled. "Tell me about everything you couldn't tell me yesterday in front of your friends. Do you still play netball?"

"Nah, kinda grew out of it," Lindsay replied.

"Ah, where have I heard THAT before?" Janet teased, chuckling as her daughter rolled her eyes. "Brownies, piano lessons, ballet- pity you dropped that last one, I could've had a word with Steph to see if I could get you into her Angel friend's class?"

"Uh- ew?" Lindsay sneered in reply. "Squeezing my body into a leotard for an hour at a time? I'd pay NOT to do that."

"Hardly a 'squeeze'," Janet retorted. "There's hardly an ounce of fat on you. Heh, unlike me..."

"...You're hardly 'fat'," Lindsay replied. "You're a lot thinner than when you were, well, you know..."

"Aww, thanks!" Janet chuckled. "And yes, I do 'know'. And yes, I do know- well, I can imagine, anyway- how awkward you must feel right now. But believe me, you shouldn't. I know I've said this a thousand times, but of all the things about me that's changed, my love for you isn't one of them. And it never will be."

"Yes, I know," Lindsay replied with a loud sigh. "And I'm trying, believe me, I really am. It's just- ugh, I dunno. I'm spending Christmas Eve with my dad, who's wearing a dress. Bet there aren't many people who can say THAT, right?"

"Probably not," Janet conceded. "But that doesn't make it 'wrong'."

"I realise that now," Lindsay whispered with a shy smile, before letting out a chuckle. "And to answer your first question, college is going great, I reckon I'll probably go on to university in 2019."

"Doing archaeology?" Janet asked.

"Or just, you know, history in general," Lindsay replied.

"Thought about where, yet?" Janet asked, trying not to grimace as her daughter paused.

"...I'd like to stay in London," Lindsay said quietly. "I mean, it's where all the best jobs are, and..."

"You don't want to move away from family?" Janet asked softly, blinking back a tear as the young woman nodded. "I understand that."

"I'd like a place of my own, though," Lindsay said. "I remember you telling me about some of the things you did when you were at university."

"Well- not ALL the things," Janet mumbled, remembering the times when 'Janet' had been a regular feature of 'John's university life. "Though it does make me proud to see you becoming, you know, independent, your own woman. Umm, think the food's almost done..."

"Cool," Lindsay said, glancing down at the present-filled bag she'd dropped beside her on the sofa. "Do you- umm, do you want to, you know, do presents now, or after food?"

"I hope you haven't spent too much of your money on me," Janet said with a look of concern on her face.

"...They weren't free," Lindsay mumbled. "And some of them are, you know, the secret Santa as well, that sort of thing..."

"I'm sure whatever you've got will be perfect," Janet said with a warm smile. "Who'd you get in the secret Santa?"

"It's a SECRET," Lindsay replied with a smug grin, before giggling as the older woman shot her a stern look. "Okay, okay, I- I actually got Ellie. I was kinda hoping I would, heh. After, you know, the concert..."

"I know," Janet whispered. "And I'm glad, heh. What did you get her?"

"Just a little picture thing," Lindsay shrugged. "Something that says 'blondes have the most fun', reckon she'd like that, heh."

"I'm sure she will," Janet said. "And to answer your question, presents AFTER food. That way maybe you won't run off immediately after eating!"

"No chance of that," Lindsay said with a grin as she helped her father dish up the meal she'd prepared.

After they ate, Janet and Lindsay exchanged their presents, both women expressing their delight at the gifts they received. Janet was especially happy with her spa day vouchers and make-up set, while Lindsay was over the moon with her one-of-a-kind CD of unreleased songs from Out of Heaven, particularly as it had been autographed by two of the band's members!

When the time came for Lindsay to leave, both women were barely able to suppress their tears at being separated again, and as they exchanged a hug, they promised each other that it would not be long before their next meeting- a meeting that both were already planning. After Lindsay left, Janet sat back down on the sofa and examined her presents again, but secretly, it was the card that she treasured the most. It was just a simple gesture- a piece of cardboard with 'To Dad, with Love from Lindsay' written on it, but it was concrete evidence that things were improving for her, and something she never ever intended to throw away.

"Hey girlies!" Lindsay said as she met the rest of her friends outside the music shop where Ellie worked, all six girls shivering in the cold December air.

"Hey Linds!" Jodie giggled. "Had a good day with your- well, umm, dad?"

"It was great," Lindsay replied with a grin. "So, then... Are we gonna do these presents or what?"

"Yes, yes, keep your knickers on!" Monique giggled. "Just gonna wait for my fella to get here, gonna give them all to him so that no one cheats, hehe!"

"As if we would!" Keira scoffed. "And thanks for rubbing it in that you've got a fella!"

"Maybe Ellie got you in the secret Santa and she's wrapped up Jack for you?" Lindsay teased, beaming as both Keira and Ellie rolled their eyes at her joke. Internally, though, Ellie loved the joke, not because of how funny it was, but because it was proof that no matter how superficially different she was from the other five girls, she knew that they were all her friends, and would be for many years to come.

When she arrived home, Ellie dropped down onto the sofa with a smile on her face and Secret Santa present in her hands. While she didn't fully agree with the phrase on the framed picture, she was forced to conclude that her Christmas had been much more fun than the previous year's- and in many ways, more fun even than the sixteen she'd celebrated beforehand.

"Good day?" Janet asked from the kitchen. "We're having leftovers for dinner, if that's alright?"

"Yeah, that's okay," Ellie replied with a smile. "And yes thanks, definitely enjoyed it, heh!"

"I'm glad to hear it," Janet said. "Is- is Lindsay okay?"

"...Didn't you only see her a few hours ago?" Ellie asked in reply.

"I'm a parent, sue me for asking," Janet replied with a snort of laughter.

"She was fine," Ellie shrugged. "She was the one who got me in the Secret Santa, wasn't she?"

"...Did she tell you, or something?" Janet asked.

"It was kinda obvious," Ellie giggled. "From the look on her face. Think she wants a 'sister' just as much as me, heh."

"Can't think of anyone better qualified for the job," Janet said with a giggle as she placed a plate of microwaved food in front of the blonde girl. "You ready for tomorrow?"

"Ugh, no..." Ellie moaned. "But- but it's just one day. The Queen says a few things on TV, we watch some movies, same as any other bank holiday, right?"

"...Right," Janet said softly, even though she knew deep down that Ellie was dreading Christmas Day- possibly even more than Janet herself was.

The following morning, Janet and Ellie rose early and exchanged their gifts to each other, which mainly consisted of perfume and cosmetics sets, gift vouchers for clothing stores and the odd DVD. It wasn't even 9am by the time all the presents had been opened and the wrapping paper cleared away, and already the two women were feeling anxious.

Despite Janet's best efforts to distract herself and Ellie with Christmas Day television, her mind continually drifted back to her home, the life she had built with her wife and her two children, and the second Christmas that they would not be spending together as a family. Janet had hoped that Lindsay's visit the previous day would help to lessen her feelings of depression, but the reality was that it had had the opposite effect. And it wasn't just Lindsay that Janet missed, but Ethan too, and even her wife.

Not for the first time, Janet wondered whether or not being able to live her life the way she needed too was worth the high price she'd paid. Those thoughts, however, were soon pushed out of her mind when she reminded herself that she had people who depended on her- or rather, one person who relied on her. Just as much as 'John' had tried- and ultimately, failed- to be a positive male role model for Ethan, Janet knew that she had to be a positive female role model for Ellie. Janet freely acknowledge to herself that responsibilities were a poor substitute for the love of her family, but they were better than nothing- and she could tell from the look on Ellie's face that her Christmas was just as bad as her own.

Like Janet, Ellie's thoughts were centred on her family, and the second Christmas that they would spend without her. However, unlike Janet, Ellie had been given a lifeline. Jack had all but begged her to call the house on Christmas Day, and Ellie was struggling with the dilemma- on the one hand, she wanted more than anything to be a part of her family again, if not for her sake then for her brother's, but on the other hand, the way that Ellie's family had treated her made her genuinely believe that they didn't deserve to have her forgiveness or her love. The mere act of pulling on a skirt had made her mother and father completely write off the previous sixteen years and terminate their love for her like she was an item of clothing that had torn and needed to be thrown out. Ellie knew that that was not how good parents were supposed to act- Janet had demonstrated that on countless occasions over the previous two years. And yet, they were still her parents, and she knew how much the call would mean to Jack...

"I- I'm going to my room for a bit," Ellie said softly, rising from the sofa on wobbly legs.

"Oh- umm, okay," Janet said. "I'll get some lunch ready about 1pm if that's okay?"

"Sure," Ellie said as she closed her bedroom door behind her and took a deep breath. "Okay Jack, I hope you're right about this..." Ellie flopped down onto her bed and unplugged her phone from the wall, twiddling it around in her fingers several times as she tried (and repeatedly) failed to muster up the courage to make the call she'd desperately wanted to make countless times over the prior 14 months. She didn't even have her parents' home number saved in her phone, but she didn't need to- it was a number she knew better than her own phone number.

Slowly, Ellie plucked up the courage to type the numbers into the phone, though with each key she pressed, her nerves intensified. By the time all eleven digits were showing on the screen, her entire body was trembling with nerves. But Ellie knew that if she didn't press 'call', she would regret it for the rest of her life.

"Okay, here we go," Ellie said with a breathless gasp as she held the phone to her ear and waited for it to be answered. After just three rings, her wait came to an end.

"Hello?" The polite voice of Ellie's father said, making the teenaged girl's heart skip a beat.

"H- hi... Dad," Ellie said, her voice quivering and breaking under the emotional strain she felt. "I- umm, just- Merry Christmas!" A pause came from the other end of the line, and for a brief second, Ellie allowed herself to believe that maybe, just maybe Jack had been right, and she'd given her family the best Christmas gift they'd ever received...

"What the hell are you doing calling us?" Ellie's father hissed, bringing tears to his daughter's eyes as she bit her lip to try to control herself. "Are you calling to try to ruin our Christmas?"

"I- I just-" Ellie sobbed.

"I thought I made myself very clear," the older man snarled. "You are not welcome in this family, now or ever! Go crawling back to that old paedophile you've shacked up with, and if you ever, EVER contact us again, I will have you locked up for harassment! Do I make myself clear!?" Ellie took a deep breath to calm the anger that had boiled up within her. It would've been easy to respond to her father with the same aggression, but that would only give him the ammunition her so clearly wanted.

"...Give my love to mum and Jack," Ellie said stoically. "Wish them a merry Christmas from me."

"Your brother is much happier without you poisoning his mind!" Ellie's father spat down the phone, before unceremoniously slamming the phone down and leaving his daughter an emotional wreck.

"Lying bastard," Ellie whispered to herself as she placed her phone back on its nightstand. "F- fascist old cunt!" Ellie flopped forward onto her bed and let the tears freely flow as she tried to process the rejection she had just endured, wondering whether or not it hurt more than the first time she'd been rejected the year before...

In her distraught state, Ellie had lost track of time, and was startled when Janet knocked on her door.

"Ellie?" The older woman asked. "You okay in there? Kettle's boiling if you want a cup of tea?"

"No thanks," Ellie replied in a hoarse voice that immediately put Janet on alert.

"Ellie?" Janet asked, slowly opening the bedroom door. "Are- are you- oh- oh god, Ellie, what happened?"

"I-" Ellie sniffled. "I tried to call my- my par-" Janet immediately sat down next to Ellie and held her in her arms as the teenaged girl sobbed uncontrollably.

"It's okay, it's okay," Janet whispered. "Just take your time. Anything you need, you let me know, okay?"

"Th- thanks," Ellie whispered, before taking a deep breath and making a decision. "...Mum."

As Ellie cried, it was all Janet could do not to shed tears of her own.

The two women spent the rest of their Christmas Day watching television, eating the previous day's leftovers and immersing themselves in social media to remind themselves that while their family lives were less than perfect, they both still had plenty of friends who loved them.

Janet in particular found herself browsing Twitter with a smile on her face after the broadcast of the traditional Doctor Who Christmas special- for the first time in the 54 year history of the show, the title character was to be played by a woman, and the initial response to the character's change had been a positive one. Janet thought back to when she had been a child watching Tom Baker and Peter Davison in the role, and to when she'd introduced her son to the show when it had returned with Christopher Eccleston and David Tennant in the title role. She wondered whether or not Ethan still watched the show, and how he would react to seeing one of his childhood heroes become a woman- and whether or not it would affect his attitude toward her...

Ellie, for her part, had her spirits lifted by a simple two line message from her brother. 'Sorry it didn't go well,' Jack had typed. 'See you 10am tomorrow at your place?' Ellie didn't require any time to think about her response, and both Janet and Ellie felt happier the following day as they entertained both Jack and Lindsay in their flat.

Even though their Christmas had been filled with disappointment and turmoil, both Janet and Ellie emerged from it in one piece, ready to face the following year with the support of their friends and at least part of their families. Little did either woman know the challenges that would await them in 2018...

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Comments

Heartfelt Episode

Debbie, thanks for the new "Mother and Daughter" posting.

Great to see Janet and Ellie back at it.

Beoca's picture

Haven’t seen this duo in quite a while! Seems like things are going about as well as might have been expected. Seeing what happens with Jack will be quite interesting.

At last!

Monique S's picture

I very much like this story and was missing news!

The reality of it is refreshing, no painting pink of stupid family members attitudes. I like Ellie's decision to call Janet Mum now, I hope it will one day change the way Lindsay sees Janet.

You know the saying: you can choose your friends but your family you are saddled with? Well, I unsaddled myself of my alcoholic parents a long long while agao. You can only help people who want help, they didn't. I have leaerned one thing in life: There is really no reason to hurt yourself over that inevitable fact. It is better to let things die a natural death. Love, to become real, needs to be a reciprocated feeling. If it isn't don't try to hang onto it.

I hope Janet and Ellie learn to be content with the present and leave the past where it belongs, in the past.
Monique.

Monique S

Oh wow, a new...

Mantori's picture

... chapter. I have so been waiting for the continuation of this.

Fabulous writing, worth the wait.

Thank you so very much for sharing your stories.

Mantori.

"Life in general is a fuck up,
but it is the rare moments of beauty and peace
in between the chaos,
That makes it worth living."
- Tertia Hill

Debbie's Series Tie Together

While it's very occasional, some of her characters from her other series make guest appearances on "Mother and Daughter". The timeline of this series has to fit with her other interrelated series.

Loved it from start to finish

Not been able to come on site for ages and catching up on this excellent story.

Sam

SamanthaAnn

Stop beating herself up

Jamie Lee's picture

Wise parents know that they cannot control the future of their children, that they must make decisions that are right for them.

Ignorant parents want to control every aspect of their children's life, including their future.

It doesn't matter if a child is raised with very moral standards, they are responsible for any actions which go against that morality.

Jenny needs to stop beating herself up over Ethan's attack on Ellie. She gave him the path to follow, but she can't make him follow that path. Following that path is his decision and he is responsible for anything that happens when he steps off the path.

Ellie's dad failed her by not being there when she needed him. He's one of those who would have told Ellie how to live and what job to take. He would have told her how to feel and what to like and hate. If any parent in this story failed it's Ellie's dad.

A parent isn't required to like or agree with many of the choices their child makes. But they are required to be there when that child needs them. That's what they signed up for when that child was born.

Others have feelings too.