“Oh, hey mom,” I spoke into the phone, not knowing why I even bothered acting surprised that she was calling. I mean, of course she was calling. What was I supposed to tell her?

“Sweetie I was worried about you,” My mother said in her concerned voice. “You haven’t called in weeks, we thought something happened to you!”

“Uh Mom,” I said as I began to walk toward the parking lot, considering making a beeline for the GAT house, but then rapidly changing my mind. “You know you can call me at any time right? Communication kind of goes both ways.”

“I know sweetie,” She said, her voice hinting at condescension. “But you’re in college now, you don’t want your old mother bothering you all the time do you?”

“You know you never bother me,” I pointed out. I headed toward the theater instead. It was jutting out from Building F off in the distance. Maybe Melissa would be there, maybe she could take my mind off of this paper I had to do with Mike. Jesus Christ, why did that asshole pair me up with Mike? Why even give Mike an assignment he knew nothing about? I mean seriously, what could Mike possibly know about ‘The Odyssey’? Maybe I could get him to watch the movie or something.

“Well I am certainly glad to hear that,” My mother gave a mock sigh of relief; she could probably hear me rolling my eyes. “Well I was calling to tell you that parent’s day is coming up, and your father, and I are going to come visit you.”

My voice caught in my throat. Parents day? When? What? Right, Parent’s day! Every year parents got a chance to come to campus and see what they were paying for. I guess they had the right but if they came here I would have to put as much distance between myself an GAT as possible. They couldn’t find out, ever. I changed my mind about the theater and began making my way toward the Tri Pi house; it wasn’t far from GAT and neither were far from the school. As my footsteps thudded down the sidewalk and past several blue flashing emergency call stations, I listened to my mother prattle on about how excited she was to see my dorm and what I’d been up to.

“Um well, I uh…look forward to seeing you,” I said. What else could I say? Just tell them not to come? That wouldn’t look suspicious at all, would it? “When would you be uh…coming?”

“Well it’s next week,” My mother said, sounding kind of shocked that I didn’t know. “They did tell you about Parent’s Day, right?”

“Oh, yeah, that told us,” I nodded as if she could see it through the phone. “I’m just…distracted.”

“Well I’ll let you go then,” She said. “I have some things to do around the house, and I imagine you have a LOT of studying to do.”

“Yeah, absolutely,” I said. I really wanted to get her off the phone. I would probably kill to do it at this point. “Just uh…call when you’re…on your way next week, okay?”

“You know I will!” She said cheerfully. “Bye for now!”

“Bye,” I said, hanging up the phone.

A few more cross streets and I was finally standing in front of the Tri Pi house. Their house was a lot different from the GAT house. It was bigger, first of all, and second it was in much better condition. The lawn was always well kept, and it was built in the style of a Greek revival home. White pillars overlaid against red brick, all set on a pristine white concrete porch. The place was immaculate inside and out; a stark contrast with the GAT house.

I knocked on the door twice and waited patiently; Sakiya had given me permission to come over whenever I wanted but I wasn’t sure how open that invitation really was honestly. After a few minutes with no answer I knocked one more time and then placed my hand on the doorknob. I felt my stomach do a bit of a flip as I turned the handle, hearing it click. I had no idea if this was okay but I was about to find out.

Inside the house seemed a little cluttered; I saw a pink Tri Pi hoodie hanging off the bannister directly ahead and it crossed my mind briefly that maybe a month ago I would have been scanning the room, trying to decide if I should try it on. It was funny how over time girl’s clothes had just become…my clothes, even if I couldn’t wear them all the time. My mind drifted a bit to the stash that Aleah and the others had accumulated for me back at the GAT house. They’d all some of their old clothes and I’d spent hours trying them on. Hey at least if I ever DID come out I’d have a ton of clothes to start out with. Not like that would ever happen.

“Hello?” I called out as I crossed the foyer and wandered into the main room. From the conference room to the left a familiar face appeared; Bliss was her name. A short girl with blonde hair, pulled back into a high ponytail and golden bangs hanging down over her forehead. Unlike the other, more typical Tri Pi’s she was dressed in a red Woodcrest sweatshirt and the pink Tri Pi skirt. What a combination.

“Audrey!” She said with a smile. “What brings you to our humble abode today?”

“Humble?” I said, looking around a the lavish hardwood molding and the golden chandelier situated above the landing of the stairs. “Um, I just…needed to talk to someone and…”

“And you didn’t want to go over to GAT?” She took my hand in hers and led me to the right, into the sitting room. I call it a sitting room because it just had a few couches and some chairs situated around a coffee table; it didn’t even have a TV. “Sit down dear, if you crawled out of your dorm it must be pretty serious. Are you eating?”

“Yeah,” I nodded. Bliss gave me a sort of stern, questioning look. “I am, I’m following the diet you guys gave me.”

“You’d better be,” She said, motioning for me to sit down on the couch. “If we have to we’ll make you keep a food diary.”

I thought about asking her why she cared, and then I remembered what had happened the last time I’d asked that question while sitting in a sorority.

“I promise you I’m eating,” I nodded. “I…”

“You have something on your mind,” She pointed out. “Well, let’s hear it.”

“It’s um…Parent’s Day is coming up and I…I guess I’m worried,” I started but stopped abruptly in the middle of the sentence, completely lost in my thoughts.

“Worried about what?” Bliss tilted her head.

“It’s just that…oh god are you reading that?” I glanced at the coffee table and saw the thick copy of ‘Angela’s Legacy’ sitting in the middle.

“Uh, yeah it’s one of my favorites,” Bliss shrugged. “You should try it.”

“Bliss,” I said insistently. “The only thing that would be worse than that book, is if someone wrote a really, really long drawn out narrative about rival sororities and transgender people with a storyline that mirrors what they WISH could have happened to them when they were younger but now don’t have a chance in hell because they’re thirty-three and their family has abandoned them, and they’re in trauma therapy because they’ve tried to kill themselves three times, all the while trying to write something worthwhile that people will love but coming up short every single time because their self-worth is in the shitter and they hate everything about themselves.”

“That was really specific,” Bliss said, blinking. “Anyway, what about parent’s day? What’s bothering you?”

“I’m worried that they’ll find out…what’s been going on,” I sighed.

“And why would they find out?” Bliss frowned.

“I mean…someone could tell them” I phrased it as a question.

“No one is going to tell them,” Bliss assured me. “Look, everyone in Tri Pi who knows risks deactivation at the national level if they tell because honestly, that’s a hate crime. Secondly, GAT…I mean GAT is kind of stupid at times but they would have the same problem and they DON’T want to face any questions from Panhellenic.”

“So you’re really, really sure?” I looked into her eyes pleadingly.

“I am absolutely, positively certain,” Bliss nodded. “Are you okay? You seem really…distant, and it’s not about this, there’s something else bothering you.”

“Bliss, I don’t want to live like this,” I sighed. “I…I don’t want to be…Todd. I don’t want to pretend. I’m pretending, that’s all I’m doing. I want to wear dresses, I want to be girly, I want to be…I…I want to be vulnerable and small and…”

As I spoke, Bliss reached a finger toward my face and wiped my eye with her finger. I guess I’d started to cry. I sniffled a bit and sat up straight, I had to keep my emotions in check. She noticed and stared at me intently with a hint of sympathy in her eyes.

“I don’t know…” I said. “I just…I can’t do that to my parents. They…they…raised a boy. A boy. I feel like I’d be ripping it away from them. I mean they raised me, they did so much for them and I’d just be betraying them. I couldn’t live with myself.”

“Hey,” Bliss squeezed my hand. “I have an old dress I’m getting rid of, do you want to go upstairs and get made up? I think it’ll make you feel better.”

I nodded.

“Alright, let’s go.”