Life of Avery 10

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A couple days went by and things started to feel familiar. We would wake up and have breakfast. I was on toast and passing out plates. Honestly I was starting to like it. It let me pretend I belonged. Everything was mostly fine although it was still too early to actually think this was going to work. Jessica would come back after the adults went to work and do school study stuff most of the day. Once she even let Faith braid her hair as Grace braided Cindy’s. They couldn't do their own yet but they could do other's reasonably well.

Sometime after five Robert would come home and soon after Emily would as well. People would talk about their day and then Emily would start dinner. She usually recruited Cindy to help in some way and kept trying to drag me in as well. Toast was enough for me. I spent most of the day reading that ring book at least until everyone got home. When the nightly movies happened I even ended up sitting on the far end of the couch and watched whatever everyone decided to put on. Most of the time Cindy curled up next to Emily and fell asleep before it was over.

There was quite a long God speech when the twins tried to wear short shorts that they promised were only for at the house when they bought them only to be caught trying to sneak to the park in them. “A good christian woman does not wear such things. A good christian woman wears a skirt and shows modesty at all times. Your tight jeans are tolerated but those shorts go way too far and both of you know it.” Emily said. There was even a threat of burning them and I'm not sure if it was just a threat or not.

I thought thursday would be the real day. Jessica would not be there and the twins would be in charge but nothing really happened other than too much of that POS music on the big speakers in the living room. The music was rather catchy and maybe if it was not so loud I might have even liked some of it. They would dance a lot and kept trying to drag Cindy and I into it. We mostly hid in our rooms.

Friday Emily said she would be home early and to remind Jessica. Apparently I needed another shot for some reason and had an appointment for twelve thirty. Emily tried to comfort me saying that this shot would last three months instead of one. I shrugged having no idea what the shot was for. After that if I felt alright we were going to get me clothes.

This entire first week nobody once referred to me as a boy. I was still confused as to how this happened but was mostly positive both Kelly and the Nelson’s thought I was a real girl. The more I thought about it the less likely it seemed that Kelly would intentionally tell them I was a girl and she surely would have told me something about it. Wouldn’t she? I might doubt it if I could remember a single time Kelly referred to me as a boy but I don't think there was one.

Now I needed to either commit to this house as a girl or find a way to tell them I was a boy. For a moment I thought I could text them but that idea kind of went nowhere. I was up to eighty something unread messages now and really didn't want to add that stuff to my life. I was fine being called a girl. Being treated like a girl in a lot of ways was better than being treated like a boy. Girls were never asked to move stuff or play games hitting people.

The problem I was having now is that I’ll need to go to a store and actually buy girls clothes. Not only that but I had to like it and be happy about it. Girls were supposed to like shopping and all that. Shopping never really bothered me but I didn't feel that I “liked” shopping. Maybe because I never had any money. I like my clothes anyway so it can't be too big a deal. Just more tops and skinny jeans. I like the way girls jeans feel better than boys pants anyway and it's not like I'll be picking out bright pink shirts with glitter stuff all over them or anything. All it likely means is I won't have to wear my flower butt pants as much.

***

Knowing we had to leave today I moved my after lunch shower up a bit and it was sometime just after nine when I came out of the bathroom. Old shirt over my hair so it could dry and fuzzy robe with matching slippers and all. The robe and slippers were waiting for me when I got around to looking in the dresser.

The twins ambushed me on my way to my room. “Did you use lotion? Grace asked, again. They have been telling me I needed to use some of that lotion every day or I would look fifty when I was twenty. The last three days “Did you lotion” ugh. With an eye roll I turned and went back into the bathroom shutting the door a little harder than I needed too. “Were going shopping today” one of them said. “You’re getting new clothes, you need to be at your best.” Said the other.

I suppose they were right. Also girls do use a lot of lotion. If I'm to play the part of a girl I guess I need to do it right. I opened the cupboard next to the toilet and looked at all the lotions. I just grabbed the first one I seen and with a pump started to “lotion” myself. When I came out the twins were still there. They actually came up and sniffed me.

“She really did it this time.” Grace said and Faith nodded.

I glared at them both.

“You can act all tough girl but we know better. In a week you won't be able to stand your skin without the softness lotion gives you.” Faith said.

“We won't check any more if you solemnly promise to use lotion every day.” Grace said and Faith agreed.

I looked both them in the eyes and nodded once not really caring one way or the other.

“No, a real promise. One you intend to keep. Your word on it.” Faith said.

“It may seem silly, but it really is important. Like the conditioner for your hair. You wouldn't wash it and not use conditioner would you” Grace added.

With a sigh I had to say no. I was reluctant about the crazy hair washing stuff Ashley and Mary made me do at first but now I realise how right they were. Maybe this was the same thing.

Softer and more serious now Faith asked. “Do you really truly promise to use a lotion every day. It's not that hard and you really will like it.”

I looked at them again and this time when I made eye contact and nodded I did mean it. Both girls smiled and giggles a bit. Okay this was too much and I’m mostly naked and wet. With the biggest eye roll I could manage without hurting myself I darted past the guard and towards my door. “Were just looking out for you Avery. It’s our job as big sisters.” they said as my door closed.

When my hair was dry enough I did my basic braid. I figured if I were trying on clothes than simple was best. Likely it would get messed up pulling shirts on and off if they made me try shirts on. I had the better of my jeans on that didn't have the flowers on and a simple light blue long sleeve t shirt. This was my favorite outfit not like it was much. I had my ratty shoes on and everything ready to go and it was barely eleven. I think I was actually excited to go shopping. Maybe it was the girls excitement rubbing of on me. Anything about getting clothes got those two excited.

Not wanting to get into the book just to have to stop I ended up going to the living room and just sat on the couch. I figured I could watch braiding videos on the tablet until we had to leave. “You have 97 unread messages.” sigh. Cindy was in her room playing with her dolls and I just missed Jessica leaving. Since it was going to be a short day she wanted to do some other things. I only heard half of what was going on but it wasn't any of my business anyway.

The twins came in and sat on their loveseat. They were up to something, They seemed to always have a plan and at the moment I would bet my hair it had something to do with me. I tried to keep watching the video but I could see them over the top as they turned to look at me. Pretending not to notice I turned the sound up a little louder. As my video ended it began.

“Avery, we need to tell you something.” Grace said.

I looked up and killed the screen into sleep mode. They had a fairly serious look on their faces. I don’t think I’m going to like this.

“We don't think your going to like this.” Faith said.

“But we like you and we want to be friends.” Grace said.

“A friend would tell another friend what we need to tell you.” Faith said.

Their approach was frustrating. Obviously they were going to say something and I was not going to like it. Whatever it was they clearly did not want to say it. This was worse than the apology was. At least then they just got to the point. I tossed out a small facial glare to get them to the point.

“Okay, we should probably just say it.” Grace said. They both looked at each other and for once it seemed neither wanted to talk.

“You remember those um, boxes that came for you the other day.” Grace continued. How could I forget. There was only one time I got boxes and those were my diapers. I slowly nodded. I thought everyone already understood all that.

“Well, with all those things.” Faith said leaving the sentence hang hoping Grace would pick it up like they often did, but not this time. “In your skinny jeans, they kinda show a bit.” Faith finished.

“They show a lot” Grace said very ungracefully. “It’s not like super obvious. Like at a glance nobody would really be able to tell.”

“But when anyone takes any time to look at you, things look a little off. Which makes people look a little more.” Faith said.

“And then, everyone would likely guess what type of underwear your using.” Grace finished.

I froze, I looked at them mostly stunned. When I first got these I tried to see if you could tell but it was too hard to and I just kind of forgot about it.

“We didn't really want to say anything because we didn't want to hurt your feelings.” Faith said.

“You weren't really going anywhere anyway and everyone here already knew.” Grace said.

“When we go to get you new clothes though. We thought you would rather know now from us than have some jerk say something at the mall.” Faith finished.

I set my tablet on the couch and got up quickly heading to my room. I used the big mirror on the closet door and my hand mirror. Looking for it now it really was obvious. From the front and from behind. I didn’t even need the hand mirror. All this time. Everywhere and everyone totally knew I had this huge baby diaper on. Even that girl on the seesaw knew. Sure the shelter was different. Everyone there had problems but if I would have went to school or really anywhere. Everyone would know. I don't have any other clothes.

The twins followed me into my room after a minute or two. I looked at them with watery eyes. I could feel them getting red and I was almost crying.

“We have a plan little sister.” Grace said.

“It's our job to fix stuff like this.” Faith said both with warm smiles.

“At first we thought you could use some of our clothes but well, there just no way they would fit and that would just make everything worse.” Grace said.

“Cindy however, is almost the exact same size as you.” Faith said.

“If you want we can find some of her clothes that will hide your diaper” Grace said with a wince as she said the diaper word.

I waved her off to say it was alright. They were diapers, there's not really another word for them. It's not like they didn’t know all about me needing them anyway. Well except the extra bits I had inside it.

“Do you want to try that?” Faith asked.

It took a moment for me to really understand what they were asking. Wear the clothes of a five year old girl to the mall. I nodded yes as I sat down in the desk chair. I figured it wouldn't hurt to at least see what they had in mind. If it was too crazy I could just wear my pants until I got at least one outfit. I really didn't want to wear my pants to the mall knowing what I know now.

Both girls rushed from my room and a moment later I heard them knocking on Cindy’s door. If I can't wear pants though, the realization of what the girls must be thinking hit me. “No not that” I thought. Maybe five minutes went by before they came back. With a few items in their arms.

“You might be as tall as a five year old, but we don't think you really want to look like one.” Grace said.

“Sadly all our options come from well, a five year old.” Faith said.

“When we go shopping we will totally help you find stuff that makes you look older.” Grace said.

“You kind of need to pick one of these until we get more stuff though. Unless you want stuff with disney princesses on them or sparkles. You would look so cute in those if you want.” Faith said as they laid three items on the bed for me to choose from. She looked up at me with a questioning smile with the last part. As if asking if I really did want to look like a 5 year old princess...I shook my head no.

They were all dresses. Really that's my option. That's their big plan, a dress? I had already guessed as much but thinking it and seeing it are not really the same.

“We know you don't have any dresses. By the look on your face your not likely a big fan of them either.” Grace said. “Unless you become like the only girl wearing baggy pants though. Dresses and skirts are your best bet.”

Faith added. “We didn't bring any skirts because most of her tops are for a little kid. Also if you moved wrong in them than you would show like when you pushed that box around. Have you ever worn a skirt or dress?”

I quickly shook my head no. I was a boy until I got here. I was going to try and ask what was so bad about baggy pants but the dual grimace they put out as they said it was that it would be very bad. Everything they said made sense. I hated it but it made sense. I thought I could just be a normal girl wearing jeans like most kids did most of the time. I either put on a dress and really be a girl or I find a way to be a boy. How bad can it be to wear a dress anyway. Emily always wore a skirt or dress and even little Cindy did more than not. The twins had lots of skirts and dresses too. I guess this was just part of being a girl.

It was a lot easier to think all that before I actually stood up and looked at my dress options. They all looked like little girl dresses. Like something a five year old would wear not surprisingly. I was going to look like a little kid in these. Worse yet I realised that not only did they want me to wear a dress but because baggy pants and skinny jeans were not options, they wanted to help me pick out more dresses and skirts.

“This is a skater party dress.” Grace said. “The skater part is because the skirt is like this. It's fun to twirl in and stuff. Just don't do that around people unless you want them all to see your panties.” I wasn't sure if I liked them saying panties or diapers better but it didn't really matter. Cindy would look cute in this dress and it was a nice shade of deep purple with short sleeves.

“This one is a princess dress.” Faith said. “It has no sleeves and we didn’t think you would really like it. The top part is a little stiff compared to a blouse and the skirt part flairs out a bit more than i think you would like. It's more a casual nice dress. It would be really easy to accidentally show your panties in this because the skirt part starts so high up just under your ribs.”

I think I liked panties a little better than diaper. This one was a darker green with really large gold flowers randomly placed on it. I could see that the skirt was more puffy too. I had to agree I didn't think that one was going to work. What would I do with a bunch of skirts and dresses if those were my only clothing options. Should I just text them that I'm really a boy? Call this all off and just go back to the shelter?

“This is a sleeveless summer dress, like the ones we wore when we tried to trick you.” Grace said. “The top part is a lot like the princess dress but not so stiff and not as hot either. The skirt is also cut mostly the same but this one is a couple inches longer and the fabric won't puff out so much.”

It was red with little white polka dots all over it. The skater dress looked the most basic and was the only one to have real sleeves. But this one seemed a little more grown up with the little dots. I didn't really have a lot of choices however. I wasn't really looking before but nothing Cindy had worn since I got here looked like anything i could use and not look five. Likely these really were the best options. Looking over at the mirror again and seeing the outline of my diaper mostly made my decision for me. If I didn't dress like a five year old I’d look like I was diapered like a two year old. I picked the red one. The girls took the other dresses back to Cindy’s room and I locked my door.

They were trying to help me, not tease or pick on me like most of the other houses. Or ignore me like most people at the shelter. If I went back there Kelly could find me another house and I could be a boy again. It would be boring again in the shelter but there were books. I would get another house and maybe it would be nice too like this one. Just with me as a boy next time. Or It would be bad like most of the other's.

I thought I was standing there trying to make up my mind when I realised I was already mostly naked and trying to figure out how to put the dress on. It was very easy to put on. The problem was I couldn’t do the buttons in the back. I could braid my own hair but buttons were to hard. It seemed cruel. I kept telling myself I was just trying it on, seeing how it looked or just how much I would hate doing all this. Then I would tell them I'm a boy and this would all be over.

I had to wear this I get that but I can't even dress myself alone. With a sigh I opened my door to see both girls standing there. I was holding the dress to my chest with one hand and both girls smiled.

“Need a hand?” Faith said. “Grace owes me a dollar. She said you could braid like that so you could do the buttons, I was right.”

My pout grew deeper as I backed away from the door and turned so one of them could do my buttons. When she announced she was done I sat in my chair and pushed a foot back into my shoe.

I propped my leg up to tie the laces when Grace said very loudly “Um, You might want to do that a bit differently.” To emphasize the point my dress slid down my elevated knee and showed off my partially wet diaper to all three of us. The twins turned away and I grew as read as my dress. I set my foot back down and bent over to tie it. This was going to take some getting use to.

“As you can see.” Faith said. “Wearing a dress or skirt takes, a little special attention you need to keep in mind. Be careful how you sit.”

“When your outside watch out for wind too, that can be really bad. That dress is light too so it won't take much to push it up and show everyone everything.” Grace added.

This is going to suck I though. Emily always looked so elegant in a skirt and part of me wanted to see if I could learn to be like that. Another part of me was terrified that I would forget and show the world my diaper. We went back into the living room once my shoes were on and they gave me a couple pointers on how to move in a dress. How to sit and not wrinkle it and stand and they even told me how to get into a car but then remembered the car seat. They said there really wasn't a good way to do that. Emily would just pick Cindy up and put her in most of the time. I really did not want that to happen.

When this was over I would go text them and end this. It was nice while it lasted anyway. At least I didn't have to go through the whole “God have mercy on you” stuff. Yeah any minute now, I'll end it.

I could swear that when I walked I could hear the diaper crinkle but when I pointed to the diaper and cupped my ear then walked by the girls both said no. I swear I could hear it but even if I was just imagining it, it wasn't loud. In a store or anywhere with any kind of noise I don't think anyone could hear it, I hope. Trying to sit “like a proper lady” the girls called it again when the front door opened and Emily walked in. She noticed me right away.

“My don't you look so precious sitting there so pretty Avery.” Emily gushed at me. I liked compliments but that could have just as easily been said to a puppy.

“Is that one of Cindy’s dresses?” Emily asked. “Were you playing dress up?”

“Not really mama.” Grace said. “We were trying to find a better solution to, um.

“Better conceal things” Faith finished.

Emily smiled. “Well, what a wonderful solution. I wholeheartedly approve.” Emily practically beamed. Remembering the short shorts talk, the idea that I just might wear more skirts and dresses was definitely something Emily would be all about.

“I'm proud of you two for looking out for your little sister like this girls.” Emily said.

“Does this mean we don't have to do the dishes every single time?” Faith pleaded.

“No.” Was Emily’s simple answer which received rather well done puppy eyes by both girls to no avail.

“Avery, I should have asked sooner.” Emily started. “I should have said something about the pants myself sooner too.” Emily paused a moment. “Do you have a way to, carry your supplies?”

I looked a bit surprised. Before who ever the mother was normally put a goodnight or two into their purse for me. These were too big for that and I need the powder and wipes too. I shook my head no.

“Well I guess we can just put some in a bag in the car for now.” Emily thought it thru. “I'm sure we can get you a small backpack or something today as well then.”

Emily started getting everyone moving so we could leave soon. A brown bag was sat next to me and I went to make a travel pack. I liked that name better than diaper bag which is what it really was. I knew I needed to stop this but even as the idea and what it would take went on in my head, my body moved on getting ready. I wanted to stop this, needed to. I can't buy a bunch of dresses. This is ridiculous. Yet I didn't stop it. I didn't want to not have sisters. I didn't want to go back to the shelter and be alone again. “Just a bit longer” I told myself, somehow knowing that after a bit I would tell myself the same thing again. This will surely end when school starts anyway.

Before too long we were all in Emily’s suv. The car seat was a real pain. Not sitting on the dress wrong was bad enough but then I had to pull it up so far to lock the belt. Emily told me to roll it so it wouldn't wrinkle. She showed me on a similar dress Cindy insisted she needed to wear. It was very much like mine only it had puffy sleeves and sparkles on it with mostly pink everywhere. After seeing it, the dress I was in didn’t seem too bad at all any more. Actually as childish as Cindy looked it made me look older by comparison even if we were the same size.

The doctor was quick. A nurse asked me a bunch of questions most of which didn't make sense. No my chest didn't hurt and no I didn't have any hair growing in new places and no I haven't had any pimples. It was really odd honestly.

I had to loosen up my diaper for the shot. They took some blood for tests and that hurt the most. We spent more time in the waiting room than anything else. Then we were back in the car. Emily asked if I still wanted to go shopping today or if we should just wait for the weekend. Now was fine, the fewer times I had to dress like this the better. I didn't like feeling like a little kid.

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Slippery

erin's picture

Avery is sliding into girlhood, reluctantly but making her own choices at every turn. I tried to do this with Les in my story, too. Hard, ain't it? :) But fun.

Hugs,
Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.