Irrational Fear

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This is a little story that I wrote for my Creative Writing Class.

 
Irrational Fear

As soon as I saw the door across the street, my heart started pounding.
I knew what waited for me on the other side. It was silly that a grownup such as myself went to pieces like this. Every time was worse than the last.

As I neared that big black door my hands got all clammy. My arm pits felt wet but I was too ashamed to check. It wasn’t something you did in the middle of the High Street now is it?

With each small step I took, it became harder to move as if the air had suddenly become made of treacle. Then I remembered the last time. One look at what he held in his hand and I fainted. When I recovered, I felt the shame. I was a wimp of the first order of magnitude.

I stood rooted to the spot outside that door for what seemed an age but probably wasn’t.
My hands trembled as I gripped the polished brass door knob.
Then the door opened and two happy faced people emerged. I had to go in. There was no other choice.

The smiling face of the receptionist didn’t help me one little bit.
“Ah, Mr James, please go straight in. Tom is ready for you.”

The next thing I remember is waking up in the back of an Ambulance. “You seem to be fine,” said the medic with a smile on his face. Tom stuck his head around the door to the ambulance. This merchant of death was smiling. That had to mean bad news.
“Everything is ok Mr James. I gave you a quick once over while you were out cold.”

I sank back shaking like a leaf.
Why was going to the dentist such a horror show?
It didn’t used to be like this.


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Maddy Bell's picture

Is some interesting use of language considering the protagonist. IME adults don't usually use 'grown up' to describe themselves and that last sentence is rather juvenile in its assembly.

You chose dentist but the run in could apply to various scenarios, bank, hairdresser, tattoo parlour, bar even.

What was the premise of the piece for the class?


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Madeline Anafrid Bell

Premise

The topic was "absract and concrete writing"
Fear is an abstract but the expression of it in terms of reality uses concrete writing.

I had to squeeze things a bit as we are limited to 300 words. The last sentence was one of those.

Samantha

a lower

Maddy Bell's picture

Word count would have been the better sentence ' it hasn't always been like this' 6 against 7 LOL

Mads


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Madeline Anafrid Bell

Yep, you are right

but I didn't see it before I read it out to the class.
Sigh.
Isn't hindsight a wonderful thing (As are editors :) :) )

Samantha

Hindsight

Daphne Xu's picture

Yeah, both hindsight and editors are wonderful.

Now, if *I* were your editor, i wouldn't have picked on that last sentence. I wouldn't have picked on "grown-up" other than the spelling. In a running mental monologue, berating oneself for an "irrational", childish fear -- childish being one's own view, not necessarily true -- "grown-up" fits quite well there. (As does the wording of that last sentence.)

Your story was quite effective.

-- Daphne Xu

20/20 Hindsight

A gift we are many that are given.

If on top of this the patient suffers from trypanophobia you need a very patient dentist (luckily mine was my very kind uncle).

Nefarious

You had my mind in serious overdrive coming up with all kinds of nefarious black-mail and horror scenarios!

Then the second to last sentence came as such a relief. Though I can fully relate to the whole build-up, since I also prefer to see those professionals going instead of coming.

Jessica

Nice twist ending

Daphne Xu's picture

Indeed. That was a nice twist ending, to a well-written build-up.

-- Daphne Xu

Irrational?

Daphne Xu's picture

"Why was going to the dentist such a horror show?
It didn’t used to be like this."

Excellent question. What changed? Maybe as part of finding out, one might ask, when did this horror begin? Another question might be, did one change dentists?

This story will no doubt hit the spot of a lot of readers. Visiting the dentist is a scary experience.

Nice flash.

-- Daphne Xu

Now *that* was funny

I don't enjoy the dentist either. Not one bit.

thanks

for all the comments on this little piece. It was well received at the class.
I may publish some others if I feel that they are good enough.
Samantha