Peter Collins laid in his bed crying to himself. The tears came from the question “Why doesn’t anyone come to see me?” Most of the time he accepted his fate, he knew his decision made the bed he was lying in now. It was his choices which led to Peter being alone. Today was different. That inquiry kept on repeating in his head and not moving on from the question was what made those tear fall.

A massive stroke was what put him in this long term care center’s bed. He has been in this bed for over a year now and being stuck in it was getting to him. He was on a long road of recovery; physically from the stroke, spiritually from being abandoned by those self-proclaimed true believers and emotionally from him finding out he built his life on pillars of sand. During this time Peter found out the difference between being alone and loneliness. This knowledge helped the bedridden man get a new bedrock for his life.

Loneliness was easier to handle than being alone at first. The feeling of loneliness focus on others instead of himself. When Peter thought about himself, he did not like the person he has become. Peter thought he was a wise man; but now knew he by the decision he made he was a fool.

Before he had the stroke the bed stricken man had so much pride. Peter turned his back on his old family for a new one. He took those people from his old life telling him he was wrong as a sign that he was doing the right thing. Peter accused them on turning away from his love. In truth, he was the one who turned his back on love not the ones who he was not facing anymore.

Thinking of why he was alone. Peter could not believe he told those people they were not who they were. That they were all delusional sinners. That they needed to see the truth before it was too late for their immortal soul. Peter used decorum when relaying the lie which he believed was true so he did not use those exact words. Even with being nice about telling them to repent, the tone of the message came across clear. That he knew and was better than them.

When Peter could not handle facing that he was not as pious as he thought he was, he would then focus on his band of modern day Pharisees. Why has the people closest to him forsaken him at his time of need? Those people loved to brag about the good deeds they did for strangers in far away lands. They would talk about the last missionary trip they made to Central America or their plans for the next one. Had not those people ever heard that charity starts at home.

Peter came to realize that those people were not generous and doing good charitable work. They all did those deeds of helping others to look better than their neighbors. To feel like they have the high moral ground so they could justify trying to push their morals into law. Then when he got sick of thinking negatively about those who supposedly cared about him the thoughts became internalized.

Thinking about who he was made Peter face the truth about the situation. He was alone in this world by his own doing. To him it was too late to go back to the people that really cared about him. The words Peter said to them were too hurtful. Then after the prodigal son left his family, he always put a quick stop to any attempt that his flesh and blood made to contact him. Then one Christmas he did not get the card he would write return to sender from his mom and dad. His parents sent seven cards. The lonely man knew that six cards more than they should have.

Now Peter was focusing on the on wishing what he did not want. To see those who were not there in his time of need. His ex-wife quit coming to see him after three months after the stroke put him in this bed and divorced him three months after that. His friends from the church followed her lead. The pastor was the last to come visiting then he quit. There was just too much going on in the summer for him to make time for the needy. His church needed their fair, garage sale and weekly car washes to all be huge successes, so the pastor could add to the youth outreach program’s budget. If the church met its goal then the pastor’s wife would have a full time job preaching the word of the Lord along his side.

The tears from knowing that he made this bed were better than the ones from being surrounded by loneliness. These tears held back a higher sadness. It was January 7th and for most people, the Holidays were over, not for Peter. His true family celebrated Orthodox Christmas. If he did not think of those who chose to be out of his life then Peter would think of those he chose to be out of their lives. This would be the 10th Christmas he missed and the first he realized at the time. Peter was not going to be home for Christmas, not even in his heart.

The time which was filled with goodwill and peace on Earth was painful for those who could not feel either. Then seeing the care workers back to their normal self made the disconnect even more. How could one not think that the goodwill and peace everyone talked about in December was just talk.Peter could not let himself be lost in that level of pessimism. He was making so much progress in his rehab, that by next Christmas morning he would be in another bed. One he could get out of his own. Peter knew that letting that negativity take over would hamper his progress.

Then Peter heard a knock on the door, his prayers of someone, anyone ending his loneliness came true. This Christmas miracle of someone remembering him acted like a damn and held back any more tears from falling. Desperation overpowered pride when Peter said come in right away. He did not care that his voice cracked and it showed he wanted to see who was on the other side of the door more than they wanted to see him.

In came walking two ladies. They were his mothers. If this was before the stroke, Peter would have been under the delusion of thinking that there was his mom along the side of his dad who was playing dress up. Now the truth was as clear to him as the baptismal water. There were the two women who raised him. All the man in the bed could think was why where they here and how? Peter turned his back on them and they did not know where he was. Peter treated them like they were lowly sinners when he was the one who did not honor his mothers.

Peter knew he could not make up for his past transgressions but could make sure he never made them again. Right then Peter knew he was emerged in pure love. He accepted being baptized by those who always cared about him. With joy in his voice the lost son who was now found said “Moms.”

That one extra letter, the s at the end of mom broke six leeves and tears fell from the eyes of all in the room. His biological mom said “Pete.” The mom Peter acknowledged for the first time said “Petey.”

Peter said “hh how and why?”

The mom who called him Pete said “Because you are our son.”

The mom who called him Petey said “and you need us.

We would have come sooner but only found out two days ago. We got a package of mail for you from your ex-wife. We came down right away.”

“Why?”

The Mom who called him Petey said “Because you are our son. We love you and you love us.”

“I did not show my love for you and I denied your love for me.”

“You did show your love, you thought you were doing the right thing. You thought you were helping us. You would not have pointed out what you saw as sins how you did if you did not care for us.”

“I was wrong.”

The mom who called him Pete said “But with how you greeted us we know you are not wrong anymore.”

Just having his two moms visit gave Peter the strength not to need to have loneliness fight off being alone. Right then he knew he was never truly alone. Until that moment, Peter just did not see that he never left the hearts of those who genuinely cared for him. He hoped that they would physically stay until he recovered, but knew they could not. Even with their visit being temporary he knew seeing them did not just push the issue to the future for from now on they would be in his heart.

“Moms, how long are you going to stay?”

The one who called him Petey said “It depends. If you are coming home with us only a couple of days until we can arrange the travel for you. If not at least a week.”

“Coming home?”

“Yes, we want you to come back home. We need to be there for you as you recover. If we knew you needed us we would have been here sooner.”

“Yes Pete. We are sorry that it took this long. We should have kept on sending those Christmas cards. To show you that we will always be there for you.”

“No, mom. I rejected you and getting those cards backs had to hurt.”

“Petey getting those cards back did not hurt half as much as when we quit sending them. That meant we gave up on you. A parent should never give up on their child. A child should know their parents will always be there when they need them. We were, but did not let you know.”

“I knew you were there for me. I did, I was just ashamed of how I treated you for so long. A child should also be there for their parents. I was not. I did not deserve you being there for me.

I want to come home.”

How Peter admitted he wanted to come home showed the wisdom he gained while in his limbo of loneliness. The circle of life was not one way. Parents do need to be there for their children, but children also need to be there for their parents when the time came. Being family meant you do what you can for the other. You were not only your brothers’ keeper, but also the keeper of your sisters, mother, and father, along with all the others who were your clan.

Grace said “Then Petey you will. We already have your room ready for you”

Right then Peter new Mom’s name made sense to him. Yes she had elegance and refinement but that was not why Grace was a fitting name for her. Her unconditional love of those around her and how she was there for Peter when it was not deserved or merited made Grace fit her.

The man who needed Grace called her by her new title, Mom. When his original Mom answered the call Peter quickly said “No, New Mom.” Right then they all knew that was how he would differentiate between them when both were around.

Even with being called Mom by her son feeling great and was what Grace always dreamt of. Hearing that word uttered from her son did not feel right or rang true. She knew Peter calling her Mom came from her son accepting her for who she was, yet not being called Dad felt like the past was being disrespected. Right then Grace realized that even with being a woman she would and always will be Peter’s dad.

How could Grace not be Peter’s father. She taught him how to shave, how to throw a spiral, and bonded with him over watching Adam Sandler movies. Yes, she was really a woman when forming their bond, but Grace portrayed herself as a man. To Grace being called Mom felt like they were trying to rewrite the past; to put aside all the time those two shared as her son was growing up. Being called mom was lessening the unique bond a Father and Son has with each other. Even with being a woman she was Peter’s dad. She was a woman when she raised Petey and was proud of being a Dad then. Grace wanted to embrace the title of Dad because that was her to her son growing and that is how she saw herself to him.

Grace walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. She put her hand on her son’s leg and said: “Petey, call me Dad.”

“No you are not my dad you are one of my moms.”

Grace smiled as she said “Mom and Dad are both just titles. I was your dad when you were growing up and I still want to be your dad if that is fine with you?”

“I can’t.”

Grace knew how she could convince her son to still call her Dad. Tell a bad Dad joke. A Dad joke could only come from a Dad. Grace cleared her throat then did her best Rob Schneider impersonation when she said “You can do it.”

Grace showing her faith in her son with that hammy joke gave her Petey the strength to call Grace what she was, Dad. Quoting that running joke from the Waterboy made Peter see that his new mom wanted to respect the past. That to her being still being his dad would not be deadnaming. That even with his dad becoming a woman nothing changed about their relationship, so it was fitting for her to be called Dad.

Petey said Dad and hearing that special title only she had from him made Grace hugged her son. That moment they knew what was always true, their bond was strong enough to withstand anything. Peter found out that those who were truly the closest to you never would forsake you in your time of need. On this Christmas Peter along with his mom got the best gift, being in the grace of those you love. With Peter and his dad being in each other’s good graces the Father and Son reunion was completed.