There I was going back to my parents, my father’s safe but the fact I had just learned that he almost died when I was a kid shook me. My father saw me and hugged my mom as he whispered something to her.

Mom’s eyes became concerned as she looked at me.

I was steps away when I stopped, “Does Darby know?”

Dad said, “Let’s get everyone home, and then we’ll talk when it’s just family.”

Essie was going to stay with Darby, and Darby’s friend Laurie, but I was now wanting to take Essie home. I used mom’s car to drive Essie home. It was a good night overall. Essie had shared a whole week with me as Marti. We took some time to reflect and enjoy.

Essie asked, “Will you be able to tell me afterward what’s going on?”
I told her it wasn’t about her. “I am pretty sure I will tell you, it was something my Dad said to the guy who wanted at me. It’s not bad, it just shocked me.” I gave Essie a passionate kiss. I regretted not having more time with her. Her folks were surprised that she was already home.

Once home, mom asked if it were alright for her to help me remove my makeup. Feeling like Matt would be more nervous and it caused me to feel like Marti again. Even without the makeup, but in the skirt and blouse; I felt like Marti.

Dad said to me, “We told Darby two years ago when another veteran friend had come around and she heard what happened. We were going to tell you but you were in one of your moods and we never got back to it.”

“You knew I was hit by some shrapnel, but not how severe or dangerous it was. Your mom was acting like a single parent and you two were only five and six.”

Mom said, “I was having enough trouble just handling the news for myself. Your Dad was airlifted to Germany and soon stabilized. But there was much healing that was needed.”

I asked, “How were you almost killed?”

My Father was shaking and now fighting back tears. Three of us were on patrol and we were shot, away from our vehicle. The Taliban were approaching to finish us or take us, prisoners. Val fired back, was shot again but he killed them. Once we limped back to our Hummer and called for help we were relatively safe. It’s one of the reasons I wear a gray t-shirt when I go swimming with you.”

I am now crying and feel like a girl doing so, as hard as I try I can’t stop. “Sorry Dad, I’m crying like a girl and I can’t stop.”

“No apology needed, I’m sorry you found out this way.”

We visited into the early hours of the morning. I still had to use a moisturizer and get ready for bed. I justified to myself wearing a nightgown one more time.

I woke up around 10 a.m. and took a shower with an emphasis on shampooing my hair twice with a minimum of conditioner. I wanted Matt back visible. My family and Essie were great in welcoming me back. There were more discussions than usual that I was involved in over the next two days.

My friend, Luke called on the 2nd, he and his family had gone skiing. He said, “Hey dude, or should I have said Dudette? I’ve seen some pictures supposedly of you that I need to confirm. Melanie says you even sang as a girl on New Year’s Eve, what gives. Mel was impressed, she wants me to consider doing it. See you tomorrow at school and we'll need to talk.”

The next day at school was unreal. I took a ribbing from the guys but that calmed down after a couple of hours. Even a few macho guys who knew me asked what the week was like. Another thing that was surprising the number of girls who talked to me or just said ‘hi’ or ‘cute’ as we passed in the halls. Essie proud fully pulled me over to two tables of girls. Several had seen me at the Seasons of Lights with Essie but hadn’t recognized Marti as me. Others had seen me on the morning show, the New Year’s Eve celebration, or all of it. Though most who had seen me on the show did so later via the internet.

During choir, Monique, who would be the valedictorian in our class, asked aloud, “Ms. Frisch are you going to allow Marti Carsten’s to sing in the spring talent show?”

She answered indirectly, “Monique, you know it is only to showcase the regular talents of the music departments and drama club.”

Monique responded, “Matt’s a regular member and it’s only with us that Marti would get to share her talent. It could even be considered an acting talent. I think she should.” Several in the choir dare to applaud or cheer.

Ms. Frisch said, “I will talk it over with the others, but I think my first decision will stand. Now let us have our practice. I hope that is okay with you Matt Carr.”

“I wasn’t the one who brought it up.”

Monique turned to Essie, “I would like you and Matt to come home with me after school. We need to get a promo picture or two.”

Sure enough, after school Essie and I were off to Monique Johnson’s home. We were going up to her room when her mother interrupted us. “Where are you going with that boy Monique?”

"Mom this is Matt Carr who is Marti Carstens; I was going to show them that dress that would be great for her being Carrie.”

I couldn’t believe it when her mother said, “Okay, but if you get her to try it on; you can’t be there when she changes. And I want to see if it works like you say it will… Are you okay with that Marti?”

I said, “I wasn’t sure why we came here. It doesn’t sound like I’ll get a chance to use it anyway.”

Mrs. Johnson says, “Is that what Ms. Frisch said? If it would be good, don’t worry about that.”

Monique gave me a tug as Essie and I followed her upstairs and into her bedroom. Monique pulled out a long white with a gold trim dress from her closet and hung it on the back of the doorway. Then she went to her chest of drawers and pulled out a packet of panties and a pretty but older bra. Last she pulled out a full slip, saying, “Make sure you wear this, or we might see too much.”

She pointed to a changing screen to go behind. “We’re stepping out for a moment but don’t take all day. I have some studying to do.”

“I didn’t say I was going to do this?”

Monique said, “Silly, why did you come if you weren’t open to it. You’re just being shy and want us, girls, to fuss over you. Well, I’ve made a fuss. Essie tell him it’s okay?”

Essie smiled saying, “We’re stepping out, go ahead and try it, what do you have to lose. It looks like it would be better than all that you’ve worn so far. You can thank her later if it works.”

With that, they stepped out and I went behind the screen mostly to have a place for my clothes as anything. The panties were full no-line briefs and the bra already has some padding in it. I saw two socks Monique had left out as well for added padding. The slip was a little tight but it made things look good once it was in place.

I could tell the dress/gown was longer than the slip, but I wasn’t sure about how to get it on without damaging it. Essie spoke, “Are you to the dress yet?”

“Yes, but I’m not sure how to get it on without tearing or stretching it too much?”

“We’ll come in and help if you’re decent.” There was a pause before the door came partly open. Essie was the one who first stuck her head inside. “It’s okay Monique.”

Monique thanked me for waiting. She also liked that I had undone the buttons all the way. They had me step into the gown and then they made sure the slip wouldn’t ride up. Once the dress was in place they began buttoning up the back and the gown took shape. It was Matt’s face and hair, but the rest of me looked like a young woman.

Monique grabbed my hand again and now it was back down to show her mother. Who joyfully smiled and said, “Now play one of Carrie’s songs and let’s hear how you sound Marti. Or would you rather I first do your makeup and hair to look like her?”

I sat down for a moment which Mrs. Johnson took as a sign. She said, “Monique go get my styling tools and if it is alright we will use some makeup from your new makeup kit. You’ll never use it all.”

Mrs. Johnson said, “Should any of you call home to tell them you’re here?”

I said, “My Mom will laugh if she finds out I’m doing this. I told her I wasn’t going to do it for a while.”

Mrs. Johnson said, “You’re not doing it for a while but you need to see if this outfit works. Then we’ll put it aside when for when it’s needed.” She asked if other girls made a fuss over me and weren’t surprised.

She said, “I bet a lot of girls wished they had a boy to make such a fuss over.”

I sat still, not very aware of all that she was doing. I couldn’t see a mirror or shiny surface that caught my reflection. Mrs. Johnson ended up calling our parents and inviting them over for Pizza. Once she told us, she said, “You can let them see how much you look like Carrie, and then change back to your clothes before the pizza gets here.”

I guess my mother laughed when she heard about the gown and me looking even more like Carrie. I had finally gotten to see myself. She was right about the dress and how she had me made up; it made me look even more like Carrie. She had me sing a few songs as Carrie saying that I needed to continue to practice.

“I will let you know now Marti that I will get permission for you to sing at the Spring Variety Show.”

I asked, “But what purpose will that serve?”

She said, “I am thinking you can be a star singer for a fundraiser weeks before your graduation.”

I said, “I don’t know of any special fundraiser?”

She said, “The city ambulance service requires a better defibrillator that isn’t in this year’s budget. It would be a great way for the class of 2020 to be remembered. I am told the Rendezvous is willing to host the fundraiser if you’re known by more people. I'm sure the Variety show will do that.”

Mom is there and says, “That sounds like a great way to cap off your senior year Matt. Grandma will surely remember you after that.”

“Funny mother.”

Essie and the Stanwells, Monique and the Johnsons, and our family enjoyed our pizza dinner. Darby had brought with her a change of clothes but for Marti. I’m sure my Dad would have put an end to my dressing as Marti, but he was out of town.

True to Mrs. Johnson’s word, three weeks later I heard, my singing as a female impersonator was back in along with Randy Schmidt’s rendition of Elton John singing Circle of Life. Since then I practice singing Carrie’s songs a minimum of once a week.

True to my word, in between, I am enjoying life again with Essie as Matt.

I did have three college visits in January and two of the universities had heard from references that I have sung as a female impersonator. My grades and college entrance scores were good enough to get me in all three universities. But my financial assistance would be greatly improved if Marti’s persona were to be part of the package. I would need to openly apply as a cross-dressing student capable of coming under the LGBT banner. My parents said they would be willing to forego the $15,000 in additional financial assistance. That would allow me to go to a four-year university as I desired.

The final package my university of choice would give was actually much more. Essie and I were both choosing Syracuse University though we knew we’d be likely going in differing ways during our time at university.

Marti surfaced again during a make-shift Mardi gras celebration in the next city over. I was fairly sure a woman who wouldn’t want to be publicly identified was Sara Brolin. She was conveniently absent from the evening broadcast. I hadn’t done a reprisal of Swift or Underwood, but a princess from Arabia with a ruby in my belly-button and little cymbals on my fingers and scant clothing fitting Mardi gras.

Darby at the community college was the one who heard of the Fat Tuesday celebration. Now being eighteen, mom said, “It is a rite of passage for a boy to celebrate and spread his wings, even if this is unusual. You have an opportunity and acceptance because of how well you do it all together.”

Ms. Frisch was now having me come after school to practice singing as Swift and Underwood at alternate practices. She has made the decision for which of the two I would sing as and which song.

I had been kind of stiff in practicing the songs until it was her who said I needed to step into character and that meant dressing as one or the other on alternative practices in dresses.

The Spring Variety show was ten days after spring break. And three days after we have our dress rehearsal. Mrs. Johnson agrees with me not to use the full-length gown for the dress rehearsal. But there’s another glitch as Monique is recovering from a sore throat and is only to softly sing her song tonight at the dress rehearsal. She has asked me to sing with her. We had done it as a duet in practice the prior week. Just in case if we had to do it for the actual show. I would become the weaker of the two voices to show off Monique’s trained and stronger voice.

Monique was insisting I use another dress in singing with her. “If you hurry and change into the slip with your back to the other girls, there won’t be any problem.” It was fun to practice with Monique. Today, one could hear her voice was there but being saved for the show. If it were not for my being Marti, we were n two worlds that would have little to nothing together.

I had now been to her house enough when she was studying and because she saw me as Marti she would show me any new clothes she had. I don’t know clothing very well but even I could tell her clothes were of excellent quality. And I now appreciated it when someone like her thought enough of me to share what was important to them.

Being Matt most of the time, I find myself enjoying stepping into being Marti or impersonating a female singer. Talking as such to Monique or Cassidy, as Mrs. Johnson wants me to call her, I find carrying a conversation flows more easily.

I prefer being Matt with having a better understanding of a woman’s world. Even at home, I find helping in the kitchen and cleaning in the house more enjoyable. Mom has even asked for Marti's help now and then.

The Spring Variety Show is finally here, and where the auditorium is usually half to two-thirds full, tonight it is full with extra chairs set up. Ms. Frisch has given a solo for Monique to sing Adele’s ‘Hello’; Monique had requested that I sing her first song making it a duet.

I teased her, “You’re doing that only to make me have to change backstage.

She said, “That’s a bonus, I really do think it sounds better as a duet. I like your Stevie Nicks’ voice, it gives a nice echo to the song. Your voice has gotten better as we’ve practiced.”

The compliment was not only good for my ego, but it spurred my singing with her. Even Ms. Frisch was pleased with my singing and said so as I came off to change. I hurriedly took off my first outfit with my back turn towards other girls.

There was a voice saying, “I have your dress ready for you.” It was a friend of Mrs. Johnson, “She asked if I could help you. Mrs. Johnson wanted to stay out there to hear Monique sing her solo… You did very well young lady. I understand why Monique wanted you singing with her… It’s just that I can’t believe a boy can sing and look as well as you do.”

Ms. Myrt had a sheet spread out on the floor. I was able to put on the slip and as I stepped into the dress and she, Megan, and I lifted it around me. My arms formed goosebumps as I slipped my arms through the sleeves. I asked, “Ms. Myrt how does one button and unbutton the back of the dress, if she’s alone.”

She says, “You’ll learn to do it, it just takes longer. Pretty as you are, you should be wearing long dresses and gowns more often.” I couldn’t believe I was saying thanks for looking pretty in a woman’s gown. She took me to a desk serving as vanity and helped to reshape my hair and change my makeup. “Now look at you; all those who came are going to be pleased they came to hear you.” I was mesmerized by the image of Carrie Underwood that was looking back at me.

I went to a sound room to get Carrie’s voice and mannerisms down. I wanted to cry I was so pleased with how I looked and felt, but I knew better. I went back out to thank Ms. Myrt. The sheet, my other outfit, makeup, and she were all gone. Megan and a few other girls waited with me and then wished me well as I went out on stage.

Ms. Frisch came out with a microphone in hand; it was an unexpected interview. She asked, “Would you speak as Matt Carr to assure the audience that you really are a boy?”

I surprised her and said, “I’d rather not, it takes some effort to change voices and persona. If they want we can say hello after the show.”

Ms. Frisch said, “That’s quite rude, won’t you please make an exception?”

Using Carrie’s voice I said, “Matt is really here, but wouldn’t you rather hear Carrie?” With that the audience applauded. Reluctantly Ms. Frisch gave into the audience’s wishes.

I began, “If boys had the insight I have, maybe they’d learn to better talk with girls.” The music began and I smirked as I looked at a friend who just lost a girlfriend. The remark wasn’t pointed to him, but for his sake, I hoped he’d learn to listen.

I’m not in favor of a girl taking things out on a guy’s car, but I like the beat of the song and the idea that girls too can have revenge.

I heard Essie hoot at the beginning when I first wiggled my hips. “You looking sweet Carrie”, said another girl, and then two boys hooted. I lifted a bat and patted it in my hands. After that I focused on the crowd, walking around and staying with the song. When others called me, Matt; I began looking out over the crowd. That was not to get distracted.

Once I finished, I sighed in relief. I was moved after two girls, one being Essie, both came to the stage to give me long-stem roses. I knew some people had done that for Monique as well as Megan who acted out a story from memory.

There was one more performer than the show was over. But it wasn’t over without the announcement of the fundraiser sponsored by the graduating senior class. Monique, Megan, Jeffrey, another singer, and Carrie and Taylor, alias Marti Carstens would be performing.

All the performers came out for a final bow and the house lights came on. I then saw my Grandmother, cousin Laurie, and a bunch of my neighbors and extended family.

I smiled at people, but inside I was a bit angry. I thought the fundraiser had fallen through and this would be Marti’s last performance. Mom knew I was upset and made sure she was one of the first to greet me.

Essie was there as Mom asked, “You gave an outstanding performance, young woman! What’s up inside of you?”

“Mom, I was looking at this as my last performance here. It is getting harder being Marti and not getting caught in the enjoyment of dressing like a girl.”

Essie turned to my mother and then said, “We both know that; you don’t have to do the benefit, you’re not obligated.”

I said, “But my performance scholarship at the University will be announced. And if I don’t sing at the benefit I will look like I cut-out on a worthy benefit? Plus I bet they’ll want me to do a promotional appearance with Sara.”

I could see my mother was trying to be supportive and understanding, but I saw feelings well up inside her until she finally burst. “I got to say, you make a beautiful Carrie and even you know that gown is beautiful on you.”

“Mom, especially I know how beautiful this gown looks and feels. That is part of my problem, I’m beginning to love being this way.”

It was such a rush to be greeted by so many people. Even an elderly neighbor, Mrs. Wilmont came up to me shaking her head. She said, “I can’t believe I’m offering this to you, but I have some old lace dresses that would be flattering when you sing like Taylor Swift and some of the other female singers. But if you come and look at them you need to promise you won’t act like a tramp in any of them…

Oh no, there will be another Chapter…