Anything you can do I can do better

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End of Junior year in High School: Peter

"Anything you can do I can do better; I can do anything better than you."

I hate whenever my sister sings that song. It means that she managed to get one over someone, usually me. This time she spent all of ten minutes gloating. She really isn’t better than I. She just lies and cheats all the time. The problem is that our parents, our teachers, our class-mates and everyone else think that I am the cheat, and not a very good one at that. Mary and I are in the same year. We are NOT twins. She is gorgeous. I’m no great specimen of a man. When Mary wants to really set me off she calls me her little sister. Mary is born in January and I in December which makes her the big sister. Something she never tires of reminding me. She is the most popular girl in school, cheerleader, girlfriend to the next Quarterback. Anything you can think of she’s got it, or to be more exactly, stolen, lied or cheated to get.

She has convinced my parents that I’m unreliable and lazy. As a result I wind up doing most of the work at home and she gets the credit. When I try to protest my parents rebuke me for lying. She copies my homework and then tells my teachers that I copy her. I just can’t win.

It’s not only me. Mary is evil. She will stop at nothing to get what she wants. There was another girl that was more popular than Mary. “Someone” started and led a hate campaign on social media. Things got really nasty. It ended by Betty and her family moving to another town. And that was not the only incident. I could go on and on but I have no evidence … I just can’t win. I’m not that evil and you can’t be that devious without being evil, can you?

End of Fall semester senior year: Mary

Sunday morning should be great but not this one. Nothing goes my way any longer. I should be preparing to go the mall with my friends. No such luck! I will have to spend Sunday morning studying! Our History teacher did a “statistical analysis” of the texts of my papers and found that it really was my little brother that wrote them and then got him to hand in his work early and deliberately introduce errors in the version left in his computer, i.e. the version I appropriated … Things got bad after that. Before I caught on some other teachers did the same thing. They couldn’t really prove that I cheated but things have got complicated since. I actually have to WORK for the pitiful grades I get now. My friend Lucy claims it all was Peter’s idea but the sniveling little brat, while a nerd, isn’t that smart. Or …? Thinking back I’m not that sure any longer. I thought that the unfortunate incident with my brother not switching off his phone when speaking to our mother as I came into his room to rub his face in one of my more successful tricks I played him. Thinking back he kind of goaded me into bragging. Well, the bottom line was that my credibility with my parents isn’t that good any longer which further limits my freedom. At least I don’t have to see Pete that much since he started spending time at the gym. Not that aerobics and ballet will make him any more of a man (evil laugh).

In school things aren’t going that well either. SOMEONE is spreading lies about me. About how it was I that destroyed Betty’s life and so on and on. Lies, all lies! True lies but all lies! How the hell did they get hold of my old files? I thought I had deleted them. I HAD deleted them! I know I did before off-loading my old computer on Pete when I told my parents I needed a new one.

Well, I’m still the Quarterback’s girlfriend and a cheerleader! No, that’s right, this really is a shitty Sunday morning. Taylor, the head cheerleader just called. She couldn’t have been more false. She “regretted” to inform me that they had found a new cheerleader that was better than me in every way: technically better, cuter, charismatic, kind and perky! The team had a vote, so sorry that they missed informing me and could I please return my cheerleader uniform? That bitch! She’s always hated me but sucked up to me all the time I was popular! She’ll get it. I’m still the Quarterback’s girlfriend! Even if I lost everything else that is still a power platform I can use. I have to be careful to preserve that. I must reinforce my grip on him.

Hank really is as boring and nerdish as my little brother and we really don’t have anything in common, apart from the sex of course. There is one thing that I’m truly good at and that’s sex. Hank’s “post-coital bliss” can be seen on his face for an hour after the act. No way he’ll risk giving up the pleasure I, and only I, can give him! I on the other hand have to fake it. He is just so damned “considerate” in bed. I like someone more forceful, like Jake (and his eight inch tool). With Hank I have to do all the work. However, I can’t be too sure. Lucy said (with just a bit too much glee for my liking) that she saw Hank in the next town together with a cute girl last Saturday. He had told me he had to study (which he does all too much for my liking). The same excuse he used yesterday when I wanted to have some fun and remind people that the Quarterback is my boyfriend!

Is that the front door opening? My parents are away and Pete is no more of a morning person than I so who could it be?

Mary looks out through the window.

Hank! Why is he leaving our house on a Sunday morning? Why does he turn around and throw a kiss at somebody standing on our steps?

I’ve seen that face before! Many times! Every time he’s had an orgasm! Only not exactly that satisfied and happy. And who’s that wearing my cheerleader uniform? Oh, not mine. I can still see that on my bed.

My nerdish, cute and (damn it!) perky brother looks up at me and starts singing.

"Anything you can do I can do better; I can do anything better than you."

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"Anything you can do"

Daphne Xu's picture

A good part of the time, I think, "Anything I can do, you can do better." I almost wrote the subject like that. Dyslexia... Anyways, interesting story, a bit different from Bru's usual. Unlike a certain other, I don't have an ounce of guilt in clicking as soon as a new Bru story appears.

"They couldn’t really prove that I cheated..." It seems that the teachers really have proven it, once she turns in the papers with errors deliberately left.

"True lies but all lies!" It sounds as if Mary has let her initial success go to her head. Or is she a blatantly unreliable narrator? Or both?

"I’m not that evil and you can’t be that devious without being evil, can you?" asks Peter. Probably not. I get the hunch that he's just turned evil, even as he's turned female.

"Can you bake a pie?" "No." "Neither can I." 'Twould be so much nicer if they could come to such a truce.

Overall, interesting story. A bit different from Bru's norm, but not unprecedented. There was the story of the seven little bullies, and also that bully who got his over-comeupance.

-- Daphne Xu

Reminds me of a game my brother always won

Relevant information is that he is almost 5 years older and I was very young.
The game was played with matches. As you took them away one by one my brother counted: I win, you lose, I win ....

When reading a story of mine with a protagonist as narrator, remember that my protagonists have many, maný human weaknesses.

Reminds me...

Daphne Xu's picture

... of "Heads I win, tails you lose."

One has to remember when one is shouting, "Get a clue!", all those human weaknesses. It is frustrating at times, especially when those human weaknesses include human arrogance.

-- Daphne Xu

I can win that sort of coin

Brooke Erickson's picture

I can win that sort of coin toss. as long as I get to do the flip, and use a quarter.

It doesn't take all that much practice to learn to slap the quarter on your wrist in such a way that it goes between your fingers. Then you show the other person that the coin is "standing on edge".

Brooke brooke at shadowgard dot com
http://brooke.shadowgard.com/
Girls will be boys, and boys will be girls
It's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world
"Lola", the Kinks

The best revenge

is living well.

And making your nemesis's machinations backfire.

While Hank is a cheater

I really think that he and Peter (or whatever the name should be henceforth) will be much happier together. In his heart Hank is a nerd, just like Peter. I'm not sure but I belive that Peter appreciates ALL Hank's qualities better than Mary did.

giggles, turn-about!

good for little brother or should I say sister?

DogSig.png

LOL!!!

What a turn around... Gave me a good chuckle

We the willing, led by the unsure. Have been doing so much with so little for so long,
We are now qualified to do anything with nothing.

Reading your "information" in italics

When young(er) I had the choice of either knowing nothing about everything or everything about nothing. I chose the first alternative. I still haven't figured out whether I did the right thing or not.

A Third Option

Daphne Xu's picture

Something about something. Perhaps halfway between, or perhaps the peak of the inverted parabola y = x(1-x), where everything about nothing and nothing about everything both represent the zeros at x = 0 and 1.

-- Daphne Xu

Don't come here and tempt me with pure mathematics!

I went over to the dark side long ago and cancelled my MSEE with a similar degree in Economics and Business Administration. Even if sorely tempted I will be strong and refrain from all curves, integrations and other goodies. I will resist the beckoning of the Light. I will hide in the Humanities where no one will ever find me (because no one will ever bother to look).

What to know about ...

I think that to keep from "messing up", or getting "messed over" in the world, we have to know enough about the Right Things (which can vary - a lot).

In my private world, no need for me to know about sports. But I want to know quite a bit about the Java computer language, as it's a major hobby. (Non-computer people can happily think it means 'coffee'.)

In our public world we need to know quite a bit about current events, and about politics and politicians and what they stand for - lest we find them standing >on< us ...

Java Jive

SammyC's picture

I love coffee, I love tea / I love the Java Jive and it loves me

Hugs,

Sammy

Mary was in training to be a shyster

BarbieLee's picture

With little brother's unintended help pointing out the flaws in her schemes she should be an accomplish con artists by the time she graduates. She obviousl has no qualms about sharing the forbidden fruit to achieve anything she wants. Combined with cheerleader looks..., Um, Bru, sis, girlfriend, you wouldn't happen to have the girl's phone number and address would you? I need some help selling ocean front property in you know where. I know, I know, you already purchased some. No hard feelings right? I mean it was a good joke. I certainly got a good laugh.

Girls who hold grudges develop pimples and zits, you know. Best you let it go. I'll even forgive you for getting mad at me if you loan me that blue dress. You know the one I have been trying to con..., borrow from you for the past two years.
hugs love, all is forgiven, we're best friends again, right?
always
Barb
When life dumps on you pass it on to the next person and let them handle it.

Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl

Oklahoma Ocean Front Property

I'm not mad. You may not realise it but I have plans, admittedly long term, to convert that property to a seaside resort. I hope the people in the Lone Sea Star Republic won't mind.

I'm NOT getting you in contact with Mary. People, and especially you, need real professionals. I have some other people in mind (though perhaps not Mata Hairy).

No Problem, Bru-

Oil Floats, and so does what it's in.

Oklahoma Ocean-Front Property

Daphne Xu's picture

Considering another thread I got caught up in, the notion of Oklahoma ocean-front property doesn't sound so implausible. Someone builds an OMG-Thrust rocket, up-side-down, of course, so that it points into the ground. Maybe it's built in Texas, maybe it's built at the equator in northern South America, doesn't really matter. The rocket is fired into the earth to try to accelerate the earth. When the debris settles, Oklahoma just might be at the edge of a brand-new ocean.

Of course, don't count on it. It would be the luck of the draw.

-- Daphne Xu

Accelerating the Earth

That is one of many ideas that I have heard to deal with global warming (and long term for handling the inevitable expansion of the Sun).

Which reminds me of a discussion many, many years ago about Nuclear versus Solar energy. I suggested that we concentrate all our energy efforts into dependence on one large fusion reactor. The only drawback would be the thousands of people dying every year from the leaking radiation and the fact that sooner or later it would explode and kill off humanity. I received some hard words when people realised what I meant. (This is neither the place nor time to repeat my description of the Catholic Church).

Why are we discussing resorts and endless energy?

BarbieLee's picture

I don't care about those unimportant things. What I want to know is where are Bru's and Daphne's blue gowns I asked to borrow? Bru said she sacrificed hers to the Gods of fashion. I don't believe her. Daphne never gave me a straight answer. I hit up Angela again this week and crickets is the word.
I'm NOT feeling the love here. Wait until you ladies want to borrow my western outfits along with my boots and spurs. Ain't happening. Two can play the game of we ain't sharing. I'm beginning to doubt that BFF stuff they laid on me years back. I'm not so sure now they didn't mean Big Fat Friend.
Ladies be warned, cowgirls don't get mad, we get even.
always
Barb
BFF indeedie

Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl

Somewhere over the rainbow way up high

is where the blue gown is (to continue the musical theme). However, the SHORT blue sparkly dress is available (just be careful when chosing your underwear).

Since I just pulled off Annie get your gun it may be some time before I need the Western outfit again.

Did you say you hit Angela with a cricket bat!?

Getting Even

Daphne Xu's picture

"Ladies be warned, cowgirls don't get mad, we get even." Whereas at Pacific Tech, they don't get even, they get creative.

-- Daphne Xu

Be afraid

Be very afraid

I'm glad I didn't do anything to piss you ladies off.

Safe Side

Daphne Xu's picture

To be on the safe side, make sure you keep it that way.

-- Daphne Xu

Ladies

Daphne Xu's picture

If the ladies piss each other off, things can get quite interesting -- not to mention, potentially arousing.

-- Daphne Xu

Ladies

If the ladies piss each other off, wise men flee.

Meddle not in the affairs of dragons...

Wrapped Up In Herself

joannebarbarella's picture

Mary didn't give Peter any credit for being more devious than she was. Hank wasn't lying when he said he was studying.....he just got a few extra benefits and Mary was faking it....so Peter can too!

Mary the Motivator

Sweet, innocent Peter really has Mary to thank for his new skills.
1) Example
2) Motivator: If Peter didn't do anything things would only get worse
3) By constantly reminding him to exceed the skills of the competition

While I seriously worry about Peter's soul in view of the road taken please note that Peter honestly and genuinely outskilled Mary. As for information floating around he never invented things, only brought it into light. Contrary to Mary he never lied or cheated. Hank did but that's another matter.

Giggling now.

WillowD's picture

Thank you.

Whoa! Short, but packs a punch!

Iolanthe Portmanteaux's picture

I didn't expect that ending! Glad to see Mary get her comeuppance. Super-cute story!

- io

Tee hee hee!

For me at least, the classic Bru twist wasn't as subtle as usual here, but from the first paragraph of Mary's PoV, the scene is set for Peter's deliciously complete and total revenge on her.

We first have the sneaky countermeasures to her copying his homework (very handy she always left copying it to the last minute, so leaving him time to edit the saved copy!), followed by the strategic phone call and Chekhov's aerobics and ballet lessons.

Given that level of planning and now with the teachers and pupils more likely to be on his side, it's fairly likely he was now able to spread the truth about Betty's departure, and Mary inadvertently revealed how (and given she mainly copied Peter's homework, there probably wasn't much activity in that region of the hard drive to overwrite the files once marked for deletion).

Hmm, a new and popular cheerleader - I wonder who she could be {evil grin} (hello Chekhov, nice to see you again!)

Perhaps the only surprise (and it was a bit of an eye-opener!) was Peter poaching her boyfriend. Of course, with Hank having a similar personality and interests to Peter, that relationship is likely to be based more on companionship and romance than sex (plus, of course, Hank is less likely to get social flak for engaging in nerdy activities with a pretty girl than with a fellow nerdy boy).


As the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then only left-handers are in their right mind!

Not only a pretty girl, a pretty and popular cheerleader

However, In Hank's place I'd be VERY careful to treat his new girlfriend in the best possible way. Otherwise ...

Are sure that left-handers only are of right mind? Aren't they righteous as well?

In EVERY way

Thank you for your comment.