[Sorry for posting the wrong text - here's the right chapter]

Paula the Elder
"I can't do this! whined my houseguest.

"Then sit home and tend to your knitting. Your arm looks a lot better tonight."

"I'm not going to be playing basketball any time soon, but I did feed myself at lunch."

"That's progress. Just don't try to tango tonight."

"I'm not sure I want to try to dance at all."

"Then why did you let that fast-talking granddaughter of mine make you say yes?"

"It seemed like a good idea at the time?"

"Pull the other one. There's a woman in there just dying to have a man whirl her across the dance floor. Go on and admit it."

"Why is it when I most want to feel like a woman the man in me sticks his big oar in?"

"I suppose it depends on just how big his oar is."

"Paula!"

"Titia! I haven't sung Row, row, row your boat since Josh died. A girl can dream."

"Not this girl, not for a long time yet. I wouldn't want to get a reputation as an 'oar."

"Do you like getting paddled?"

"Never tried it. Is it any fun?"

"Couldn't tell you, Josh didn't swing that way."

"I don't think I would either. Actually, I'm still technically a virgin."

"Get out!"

"My one time in a whorehouse was a miserable failure. I got dragged there by my Navy buddies even though I didn't want to go. Had to keep up appearances. I just couldn't get my head around sex as a man when I wanted to be a woman. She was kind enough not to let my buddies know what happened. She even gave me a wink and invited me back any time."

"The proverbial whore with a heart of gold."

"Or maybe a love of gold. I made sure I paid her very well."

"At least I know you'll be safe to go out with my granddaughter."

"I wouldn't go that far - I'm still attracted to women even if I want to be one. She's pretty cute, you know, but I'll behave."

No doubt the attraction is mutual, I thought to myself.

"The lady is a gentleman. How did we get to be two old maids talking about sex?"

"You'll never be old, Paula."

"Bullshit! The only way to avoid getting old is to kick the bucket."

"Metaphorically. Psychologically. Whatever."

"Yeah, that whatever covers a lot of territory. Get used to it, young woman, I can assure you that you're going to be discussing the finer points of the male anatomy quite extensively tonight. It's called 'girl talk'."

 

"You ready to party, pseudo-sister?"

"Not really."

"Such enthusiasm! You're turning into an old lady hanging around with granny. You need a youthful outlook and I'm just the girl to supply it."

"Is she always like this, Paula?"

"Never found a way to turn it off. All I can hope for is to channel it into someplace where the damage is minimal."

"Mom, you're sounding like granny again. I know you were quite the hottie back when, I've been talking to Aunt Marie."

"That girl never could keep her mouth shut."

"Uncle Kevin had some stories, too."

"Betrayed by my own siblings! What is this world coming to?"

"It's coming to party! C'mon Titia, we got to get you ready. You wouldn't want me to be more glamorous than you, would you?"

"Heaven forbid! More like Heaven help us, if you think you can do it."

"I've got the perfect outfit for you. The guys are going to be dropping at your feet, sis."

"That isn't the most reassuring thing I've ever heard."

"We're going to go for Ice Queen. The perfect woman to slay the hearts of men but remain untouchable in her frigid beauty."

"You're going to turn me into Elsa? My hair isn't long enough for that braid she wears."

"Not that ice queen, more like the Evil Black Queen from Snow White. Y'know, tall slim, long black dress, haughty as all hell. The guys get obnoxious just offer them a bite of your apple."

"Tall? I'm 5'6" if you hadn't noticed. And I have curly red hair. You don't ask much, do you?"

"If you could fake people into believing you were a guy then this should be child's play. Or considering the movies, dwarf's play. You'll have all those little men begging for a dance with you."

"Just what I need with a dislocated shoulder."

"Then just let 'em beg and remain aloof and unapproachable. I'll volunteer to take care of the excess. No problem at all!"

"Would your mother approve of such scheming?"

"Hey - she's grown up and on her own. I only pick up the pieces when she goes overboard."

"Yeah, like going down to the docks and picking up sailors."

"Go! Get out of here and let an old woman spend an evening in peace!"

"Bye Mom. Don't worry if she doesn't get home, she can sleep on my couch if we hit gold."

 

Titia
"Come on in," my new sister invited.

"Nice place." That ought to be safe enough.

"It's small but it's all mine. Someday I'll be rich and famous and have the penthouse, but for now I'm just glad I don't have to have roommates to afford the place."

"I know what you mean. No privacy."

"I guess for you that would be a real problem."

"Yeah. A few days ago nobody but my own family knew about Titia, and they weren't exactly fans. Now I have a grandma and a sister and, the way you guys go at things, I'll probably have uncles, aunts, cousins, nieces, nephews and who knows what else claiming me as Titia."

"Instant family! Just add water and let stand overnight. Amazing results guaranteed or your money back."

"Kind of like that stuff I grew on a lump of coal when I was a kid."

"You did that, too?"

"Sure. Didn't every kid?"

"I don't know but my brother went and touched mine and it disintegrated."

"Brothers are like that."

"You have any?"

"Two of them. We weren't close even before I came out."

"How can people be so mean?"

"A whole lot of them find it all too easy."

"Well, now you have some friends to share Titia with. I take it you haven't been too public about her."

"Sort of. I'm Titia from the time I get home on my days off until I have to go into work. I've been out and about for a couple of years now and seldom get clocked. It does make it hard to have friends, though."

"What a way to live! Seriously though, if Mom thinks you're OK then that's good enough for me. You're my sister from now on and you don't have to be alone any more."

"You're going to make me cry."

"Get it out now, sis. Femme fatales don't cry, you know. Then it's Ice Queen all the way."

"Easy for you to say."

"Let me show you your dress."

Sniff "OK."

 

"Hot damn!"

"You betcha. I got that for a very special night last year, hoping to seduce a certain guy. It got quite a reaction."

"I'll bet. I love the silver threads. Sexy as hell. Did it work?"

"He couldn't wait to get it off me, but I made him wait. I took my time taking off his clothes and he came before I could finish."

"Should you be telling me this?"

"He's history, so who cares. Actually, once he recovered he took his time and I was sore but satisfied by morning."

"You do realize that stories like this could ruin the lines of my dress if you keep on about it."

"Nice to know I still have the knack. Who knows, it might be fun to get my sister in bed."

"Cut that out!"

"Sorry, it's just so easy. I've never had to worry about being a cockteaser with a girlfriend before."

"Just keep that girl friend part in mind, please."

"Is this the right time to tell you you need to take off your clothes so you can put your dress on?"

"Um, it could be embarrassing right now."

"Think sister. I'll be good. Do I need to leave the room?"

"I'm not sure I could get into that thing by myself with this screwed up shoulder. Try to control yourself."

"OK, sis. Take it off, take it all off!"

"You're not helping!"

"Good grief! Is that an actual girdle?"

"God didn't give me hips, so I had to find another way. Just thinking slinky doesn't help, I need foundation garments."

"Mom told me that when she was a kid all the girls had to wear girdles to be proper. She says they were banned by the Geneva Convention as instruments of torture."

"No way I'm bound by convention. I kind of like them, but I need a lot of help to look like a sexy woman. They do get uncomfortable after too long, though."

"It does give you the right shape for the dress, though."

"That's the idea, sis."

"Is it too much to ask how you fill your bra?"

"No secrets between just right now, are there? Silicon forms that glue on so they stay in place for days. I do have to take them off every so often when I have more than a few days in a row as Titia, but I wear them all weekend."

"We do have a problem, though."

"Oh?"

"That's a rather - uh - substantial bra you're wearing. It just won't work with that dress."

"I need a substantial bra most of the time so they won't come loose when I'm not glued together. I figured that something like this might happen so I did bring another bra."

"Good for you! Ooh, frilly! That's going to have every man in the place staring at your breasts trying to trace the curlicues on your bra."

"Somehow that makes me a bit nervous, but let's go for all the traffic will bear. You're going to have to help me because I still can't unhook my bra by myself with this busted wing."

"Sure thing, sis…. They look funny without your bra, just hanging there."

"Someday I'll have my own, but for now please help me get some support for them, sister."

"Hold out your arms. There, that feel right?"

"Is my left strap twisted?"

"Yup. There, it's fixed."

"Thanks. Stockings?"

"If the guys get turned on by the curlicues on your bra, just wait until they see the stockings."

"I'll need help again. Damn this lousy shoulder!"

"Wow, a man asking for help. Just proves you're really a woman."

"I'm trying."

"You know, I never realized how sexy it could be to roll stockings over another woman's legs."

"Pretty sexy from this end, too."

"Did Mom tell you that I'm bi?"

"The subject never came up."

"Unlike some other things I see."

"You move your hand any higher and I'll not be responsible for the results."

"I'm getting turned on, sis."

"So am I. Would your mother approve?"

"She's not here. Ooh, that looks inviting."

"Uh…"

"Oh look. There's a zipper in your girdle. Relax, sis. This is going to be fun."

 

"Want to help unhook my bra, sis?"

"Do we have time?"

"I need to get changed, too."

"I don't want to leave you unsatisfied."

"That can wait until we get home. When I get horny it doesn't ruin my figure."

"I wasn't horny when I got here. I was scared."

"I have to admit it was the oddest seduction I've ever pulled off."

"So you had this all planned?"

"Not really. Took me by surprise but it was such a nice surprise. Like my sexy bra?"

"Not bad, not bad at all."

"You won't be jealous if I show some cleavage? Well, lots of cleavage."

"Jealous but appreciative. If you keep the guys' attention on you I won't feel so exposed."

"I'll be glad to share 'em with you."

"Unless you intend to go to a lesbian hangout it won't do me much good. I still like girls."

"Obviously. I'll have to ask the other girls if they're interested."

"Do you ever take anything seriously?"

"Not when it's party time. Let's go trolling, sis."

 

Much to my relief, we started the evening at a small jazz club, where you could actually hold a conversation without shouting. There were seven of us, and I struggled to keep Chloe, Raina, Shelly, Jackie and Vicki sorted in my mind. The mood was mellow and so was I, Paula having unexpectedly and delightfully drained much of my tension away.

We drew appreciative glances as we pushed two tables together and took our seats in the club, but with such a large group it took some time before anyone worked up the nerve to approach us. As the trio on stage swung into a waltz a tall, suave gentleman of obvious Italian extraction approached Raina and asked if she would like to dance. She would and they did, gliding gracefully around the small dance floor.

The next appeared to be twin brothers, who cut out Chloe and Shelly. They didn't have the moves like Raina's Italian charmer, but they weren't bruising anyone's toes either.

"My dear, would you care to join me on the floor?"

How had he snuck up on me? I guess my attention was on tall, dark and handsome as he led Raina sensuously around.

"Uh, I…"

"Go for it, sis!" hissed Paula in my ear.

"I'm not much of a dancer," I replied.

"Nor am I, but such a charming woman does not deserve to stay seated while the music is playing."

"You have to promise to be gentle. I dislocated my shoulder and I still can't move it too much."

"Such a shame. I promise to be very careful. If it hurts we can stop any time."

He was good. After Paula's elbow tried to dig a hole in my ribs I consented, trying my best to do Ice Queen as he took my hand. My, it was warm and soft…

Nervously, I tried to remember the waltz lessons I had suffered through in preparation for my high school prom. By the time of the prom I knew that I was not and never had been a boy. I was a girl inside, confused and scared and desperate not to become a target by admitting it. I felt like a complete phony taking another girl to the prom, but you do what everybody expects if you want to remain hidden.

My mother tried her best to teach me to waltz, I rather suspect hoping that she could push her son more toward the masculine side of relationships. She was a great movie fan, and I think her image was of some Austrian Prince, tall and handsome, wearing a high-collared uniform of pure white with golden trim, graciously leading the princess at the Royal Ball. Me, I dreamed of being the princess, even if I were more attracted to my ladies-in-waiting.

Left foot forward… right foot to the side… left foot to the right foot…

Wait a minute, I'm not leading so I have to do it backwards. In these crazy high heels. I'm going to end up on my padded ass.

Damn! His hand is warm on the small of my back! Feels nice, all tingly. Maybe dancing with a guy won't be all that bad…

"Ouch!"

"Sorry"

"Not your fault. The shoulder is still tender."

"My apologies. I will try harder to be gentle."

"Mmmm. Thank you."

Left foot… right foot… It's getting easier. I could get to enjoy this. Hell, I am enjoying it. I wonder if he likes my perfume? Left foot… right foot… This guy is a great dancer. I wonder what his name is?

"Thank you for the dance, my lovely."

Lovely? He thinks I'm lovely?

"My pleasure. I'm Titia."

"Ricardo. Perhaps you could sit down and I might be able to help with your shoulder. I have some small skill with massage."

Paula's eyes beamed a message telling me not to be stupid and sit my ass down, so I did. The material of my slinky dress was thin enough that it was almost like being naked when his hands caressed my shoulder. Oh my god, he's good! I'm going to embarrass myself if I start moaning!

"Ooohhh…"

Stop that, people will start looking at you!

"Aaaahhh…"

Who gives a damn if anyone is looking? My shoulder hadn't felt this good since Sasquatch tossed me into the trash bin. His marvelous hands followed the line of my bra strap lower and lower. I was having trouble trying to not become a puddle on the floor when he worked his way up to my right shoulder and did his magic there. I had no idea how tense it had become in compensation to the painful left side.

"I hope that has helped, lovely lady."

"Do you hire out by the hour? By the day?"

He laughed. My profession is somewhat different. Massage is a skill I reserve for my friends, and I hope that we can become friends."

Somewhere deep down in my brain an alarm bell began ringing. I wanted to ignore it but countless stories had reinforced the caution a transgendered woman needs to use in situations like this.

"Sadly I fly home to California in the morning," I lied. "This is something of a farewell party and you've made it memorable."

Paula's smile told me I had hit just the right excuse.

"Such a pity. Perhaps one more dance when the next waltz comes up? I doubt you would be up to anything more energetic with your wounded wing."

"I'd be honored."

"In that case, can I cut in?" inquired Shelly.

"Of course," was his suave reply and off they went to the dance floor.

"You're a fast worker, hon." Vicki commented.

"Nah, I like 'em slow and thorough," I replied.

"That boy has the magic touch if all your moaning is any indication." Jackie observed.

"Give him a try, ladies. I'm not available so he's all yours.

"He has rather large hands, you know what that means…"

"A good grip for giving a massage?" I asked, all wide-eyed innocence.

"Depends on what he's massaging… and what he's massaging it with."

"What kind of lube do you think he uses?"

"Just be sure it doesn't get on your skirt. Wouldn't want stains."

"So you recommend naked massage, do you?"

"Those massage tables can be adjusted, right?"

"I guess…"

"Then if he adjusts it to just the right height then you can lay back and let him massage between your legs."

"Ladies, we're getting a bit coarse here."

"Not if he has the right lube, it just slips right in."

"Shelly! I think you better go home and see if Walt is up to a massage before you get into trouble."

"They're coming back, we all better shut up or we'll scare him off."

 

"How many more bars do you want to crawl, girls?" asked Vicki. I have to get home and be a mother again."

"I'm running out of steam myself," I added. "This bum arm is starting to be annoying."

"Poor girl, too much hoisting of glasses for you?"

"It only takes raising one finger to answer that, and it won't hurt a bit."

"Says the girl who lives on diet cola. No fun at all."

"Hey! I had at least one diet Seven-Up. Don't want to overdo the caffeine."

"Such virtue should be rewarded, but we left the dude with the magic hands at the first bar."

"It wasn't his hands that I wanted him to wave at me."

"Well, raising one finger comes close to raising something far more interesting. Any volunteers?"

"Chloe, you're drunk. Shut the hell up."

"Why should I? I wanted to get drunk, that's why I'm here. The evening has been a shus… sucks… Rewarding! Very rewarding!"

"Single women have all the luck," moaned Shelly. "I gotta go home, too. We have to do this again sometime, girls."

"Sounds fine with me. Now we got two designated drivers with Titia, so we can get twice as drunk!"

"You puke in my car, Chloe, and you'll walk home."

"Already puked when I powdered my nose."

"Damn! A thoughtful drunk. See you later, ladies."

 

"You know, I almost wish I could get drunk like Chloe did," I mused when we got to Paula's place.

"Whatever for? She can get positively disgusting sometimes."

"Probably, but if I was drunk I could forget how confused I am tonight."

"Drinking to forget doesn't work so well, Titia."

"I know, I know. But tonight with this dress and the stockings and heels I felt so damn girly I just knew that I was meant to be a woman."

"Right on!"

"Then you went and reminded me that I am a man under all this. By the time you were done I was pretty damn happy to be a man, lover."

"You sure seemed to enjoy it. I kinda liked having you in me, even if it wasn't the usual way."

"That's just it! I'm high on being a girl, then I'm high on being a man, then Tall, Dark and Handsome comes along and I wanted nothing more than to have had that operation so I could fuck him all night long."

"I told you we could share."

"The way I felt when he started rubbing me I found my inner jealous bitch! If you had suggested it there would have been a cat fight then and there. That is after I had scraped myself off the puddle I had become on the floor."

"I've got a question, Titia."

"Go ahead and ask."

"Why does it have to be one way or another?"

"I don't know."

"I told you I'm bi, I long ago figured out that you can have fun and make love with anyone if you're both in the right mood. Hell, you can switch roles in the middle if it turns you on."

"Really? I'm afraid I haven't had much experience."

"At your age?"

"At my age. When you don't know what gender you want to be it isn't easy to find a date, let alone a lover."

"Which is the beauty of being bi, you don't have to decide! You just go with the flow, as granny likes to say."

"You make it sound so easy."

"It is, let me help you get that dress off and we can arrange a demonstration when you get the dress off me."

"Paula, I'm still a virgin."

"Easily cured. Let's leave the stockings on, it adds a little something to the experience. Just relax and let it be fun for both of us."

 

She was right, but since I'm the night worker I couldn't go to sleep after we had proved to ourselves that sex is fun however you approach it.

The doubts came back in the wee hours while I tried to play games on my phone while Paula slept, but I focused on her advice and tried to be satisfied with life and love as it came to me, not as I imagined it.

Morning came and I started yawning, so I found my way back to her bed. Ready to just curl up and sleep. She had other ideas and once again we found that I was capable of things I never imagined with a happily crazy woman in bed with me.

I drifted off to sleep dazed and satisfied with life. Male, female, both, either? I'm not there yet, but she proved her point rather thoroughly.