If only someone cared.

I could hear the music, i could hear the laughter of those outside.
Why, why did it have to come to this?

I walk up to the side door, the hall is dark and cold as I steady myself.
I walk in when I hear the music stop for a moment, the gym doors slamming open and echoing throughout the entire gym.
Everyons eyes on me, I could see the look on their faces, the shock, fear and dread.

I raised my sawn off shotgun, and pulled the trigger.

I was a good person, I tried to be nice, I tried to be helpful, I followed the rules , I did my homework and tried to be a good student but it dosen't matter.
The other kids hate me,those in charge don't care, "tell someone" they say but when I did I would just be told to "suck it up" or "Quit bothering me im on my coffee break", then I would be found by the others and taught a lesson of why its not ok to be a snitch.

And if you fight back, even though I was justified and I won I was still in trouble."zero tolerance" at it's finest fightingback cost me a weekend in juvenile hall and six months of anger management classes cause "Fighting for any reason is wrong and words are always stronger then fist" that good ol California pacifism doing gods work there i guess,its all bullshit
and the schools know it but they just want to avoid the lawsuit. No matter how good you try to be if you make the staff have to actually do something you will still be labeled a nuisance or a bother ,you can't win in a bureaucratic system that looks at you as just a number, a system that expects you to sit down,shut up and obey.

A system that stifles creativity and individualism by use of Rx drugs and robs you of your ability to stand on your own and defend yourself, it makes you just another docile cog in the system.

I am a good person, I'm not evil, I don't want to hurt anyone. But no matter where I go or who I try to ask for help,those who could don't have the time and those with tenure could care less cause to them you won't be their problem in a few months and those who do care can't help without risking the ire of those with tenure "Trying to show up those of us who have earned the right to take it easy" is the running joke when fresh teachers are overly eager to "Make a difference".

I tried to get help, but in a system where help means actually doing something that doesn't involve just tossing a pill at it or if it risk the amount of annual government funding or cast the faculty, staff and elected leadership in a bad light then its fruitless.

To all the families of these people I'm sorry, but you should know that if they die tonight, they deserve it.

Im sorry mom, I love you.

Detective Hallandale looked at the kids final Facebook post,"Poor kid" he thought.

Looking at the photos from the scene one last time.Bradly Callahan, sixteen years old.

Kid had walked into the school gym during a large dance armed to the teeth, took out a stolen shotgun and blew his own head off right there in front of over two hundred people.

The detective placed the file into his old cabinet, this could have gone a lot worse.
Bradley had enough ammunition on him as well as another stolen illegal rifle, banned high capacity magazines and a handgun.

No one knows how he got them as they had been reported stolen years ago from other states.

Some of us believe he had bought them from some of the local gangs that traffic in illegal firearms.

No one knows why he didn't start shooting last night, cold feet, couldn't bring himself to do it? I guess we will never know.

Its just a blessing he didn't, over a hundred people trapped in one room with only two exits one of which was blocked by a gun man and no way to defend themselves. Thankfully depending on how you look at it the only real tragedy here is other then a few soon to be forgotten news stories and some self absorbed celebrity social media post on why "Guns are the problem" nothing will ever be done and this incident will be forgotten by most in a few weeks, or till the next time when the media will get something they can really use for their virtuous moral grandstanding when someone else in the same position as Bradley dosen't get cold feet.
Its sad the real problems, the ones that require hard questions and take hard answers are overlooked for the easy scape goats.

"This world we live in just keeps getting worse and worse" Hallandale thought as he looked at the pictures of his own three kids on his desk.

"Well on to the next case".

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