Chapter 37 - Trouble in Paradise

Things were a bit lean as we worked to revive and expand the company we now all had an interest in. Julie and I chose to take much of our compensation in stock and other deferred payments, as we were happily living with Sandra and Doug. We all put in long hours and it paid off, two years in the company was profitable, so Julie and I decided to go house hunting.

Eventually we found a nice duplex at a reasonable price, three bedrooms, nice yard and the rent from the other side would be welcome in keeping up the mortgage payments. Whenever we needed work done on the place we called Eugene, Doug's contractor son and got a family discount. Moving to our own place was bittersweet; we were very close to Sandra and Doug, but it was time to strike out on our own.

The only fly in the ointment was Julie was still not pregnant. Not from any lack of trying, but two years and no results. Eventually we consulted our GP and - no surprise - he ran lots of tests.

Julie was perfectly normal, but my testosterone was still low and my estrogen still a bit high. The kicker was sperm viability - zero, zip, nada, nothing. I was never going to be able to father a child.

Cue the gloom and doom. We were still very much in love, but this was a serious problem. I certainly wanted children, but Julie really wanted children, and I was not going to be able to give them to her. We talked about adoption and fostering, but Julie wanted children born of her body. We even talked about artificial insemination, but she wanted me to father her children, not some stranger or anonymous test tube from a sperm bank.

Sometimes love just isn't enough; Julie sank into a depression and I couldn't reach her. Our sex life suffered, knowing it would never result in a pregnancy. We tried counseling, it helped but not enough. Despite our love for each other, our marriage was failing.

In a strange twist of fate, Stuart - the man who had married us - handled the divorce. We remained friends, in fact Julie moved into the other side of the duplex and lived there for many years. We still worked together without a problem and Sandra and Doug loved us both and weren't going to let either of us pass out of their lives.

It took a while for the hurt to heal, but our friendship endures. When I started hormone therapy Julie put up with a neighbor subject to mood swings. This time around I did see a shrink, transgender therapy was becoming more common and by then any further stealth in my transition would not be possible.

I think I confused the poor guy at first, he had a hard time believing my life story. Quite frankly, we spent as much time straightening out the aftermath of the divorce as we did on gender issues.

Obviously I had well and truly exceeded the one year real life test, so early in 1980 I went in for the final operation to make me as much of a woman as I could be. Julie was there for me, even though she was getting serious about a guy named Sam Park.

Sam is a jewel among men, able to understand that Julie and I would always share a bond but it would never come between him and Julie. When they married, I was Julie's matron of honor.

When I had completely healed from my surgery my muscle tone was shot. What better way to exercise than to start skating again. Besides, I no longer had to tuck to wear my skating outfit, and I could stand inspection in the lady's locker room without a problem.

Well, there was one problem. I had gained a bit of weight since I last wore the outfit, it wasn't a good fit. I wasn't fat, but between the hormones giving me a bit more in the hips and bust and my now middle-aged body I needed to get a new skating outfit. The skirt was a bit longer, the neckline a bit higher, but the mirror showed a pretty good looking woman in her thirties looking fit and happy after a few months at the rink.

The rink was crowded that day, people whizzing around and having fun. I was pretty much gliding around to warm up, doing the occasional jump, when a little girl of maybe six went down right in front of me. The thought passed through my mind that I wished I could have grown up as cute as this little urchin, but I was more concerned with not running over her. I checked my motion in a shower of ice and helped the little girl up.

Brushing the ice from her two long pigtails with the adorable blue ribbons holding them together I did the usual 'Are you all right, honey?" and such nattering that an adult uses with children. Fortunately, only her pride was hurt.

She looked a little unsteady, so I took her hand and offered to skate with her for a while as she regained her poise. I was rewarded with a shy smile and we skated around the rink together. I couldn't help but think that this could have been my daughter if the world had not been as it was. I would have loved to be able to teach my daughter to skate just as my mother had taught me.

After a few minutes she seemed ready to fly on her own, so I released her hand and sent her on her way, laughing at the determined set of her body as she skated around the rink.

I felt rather than saw someone come up beside me.

"Thank you for rescuing my daughter, I couldn't get to her in time but you were sweet to skate with her.

I knew that voice even though I hadn't heard it in years. And so it was that I once again met Isaac, my skating friend from the last few months as an undergrad. A smile grew on his face as he recognized me and invited me to share a cup of coffee after our skating. And my life changed radically yet again.