Dancing With Ghosts

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A request I had yesterday to write a short story on any subject or around a song.

Dancing with Ghosts

By Julie D Cole

I was out alone feeling sorry for myself and looking for a place to lay my head. Things rarely go right for me these days and I just want to curl up, go to sleep and never wake up.

I keep trying my best to find the place where I feel welcome and accepted for who I am. I’ve been an outcast just as long as I could remember. I just don’t seem to fit in anywhere. At school I was like a fly on the wall looking down at all the other students and not taking part. The boys bullied me and the girls kept their distance.

At home I tried my best to be the boy my parents wanted me to be but my sister resented my femininity. My elder brother tolerated me and at least my younger brother showed love and kindness. I protected him and cared for him like a big sister would and he followed me everywhere.

Then one day he suddenly realised that I was ready to leave home that really upset him. There had been a massive argument and my parents had been pressurised by fellow church goers to sort me out because I didn’t fit in with the community. Sort me out? What was that supposed to mean?

Jason was really upset to see me packing what things were most dear to me that were mainly clothes and 2 pairs of shoes. I didn’t want any of the horrid boy things I was made to wear most days and Jason was welcome to what I was leaving behind that can’t have excited anybody even if they were homeless and desperate.

Jason sobbed on my shoulder and said he didn’t want to stay and could he come with me. I thought long and hard trying to let him down as gently as possible. Maybe one day I would come back to save him from this hell and all the prejudice that surrounded my life.

‘Please Julian. Let me come. I won’t be any trouble I promise.’

‘ Jason, it’s not so easy. Follow my road if you dare to but in truth I wouldn't know where to lead you.’

‘Please let me come with you. You can’t leave me please.’

He was so beautiful and often I wished he’d been a younger sister so I could be myself with him and we could do girly things as sisters do. But around here there was no chance. I’d be hung drawn and quartered for influencing him and blamed for shaming the family and making them outcasts in the local community.
It made me at least reflect about my decision one more time. Should I take chances when no one took chances on me?
For as long as I could remember all I’ve ever done is hide away in the dark, Waiting, hoping, praying. Will my life ever start?

Jason I’m not doing this to harm anyone especially you. I look back and find that there’s no beauty in my memory.

‘Why?’

‘All that I wanted was to be wanted, no more and no less. Home is not home to me. Other than you I feel my family doesn’t exist. I’ve no friends and no future here in this town. I’m a joke just look at me.’

‘But honestly you are not a joke. I love you just as you are. Julie you are so kind and so smart and intelligent. Please don’t throw it all away by making rash decisions.’

‘Jason. I’ve thought long and hard. I know that I am too young to wander this road, alone and haunted
but I feel born into nothing.’

‘No Julie don’t say that please.’

Tears fell down my cheeks as we hugged each other. ‘At least others have something. They have something to cling to. Visions of happy places I'll never get let into.’

‘But you’ll make friends and I’ll help you. Please.’

‘I can’t. Any memories I had were lost so long ago. I’ve had the pain of so many mishaps and I just wanted to die.’

‘No you have me and even George helped you recover and he was the one who pulled you out of the lake. He saved your life. He cared so much that he risked his own life. What more can anybody do?’

‘He would have been in big trouble if he didn’t save me he was responsible for both of us Sorry to seem so ungrateful. That’s just the way I feel right now.’

‘But we are a family and families stick together through thick and thin.’

‘Some do and some don’t. Most don’t have freaks or outcasts that they are ashamed of.’

‘All families have skeletons or problems.’
‘Maybe. But at least others have beautiful ghosts.’

‘What do you mean. You are sounding so scary.?’

‘Perilous nights, their voices calling and flickers of light before the dawning.’

There are no ghosts surely?’

‘Outside here, wild ones are taming the fear within me. I’m so scared. Too scared to call them my friends and be broken again.’

‘But you keep coming back from disappointments and accidents. Somebody is looking down and protecting you.’

‘That’s your opinion that I don’t share unfortunately. Is this hope just a mystical dream?’

‘Julie please stop it.’

‘All that I wanted was to be wanted. I’ve had enough of it. I’m too young to wander this road, all alone and haunted. Born into nothing. At least others have something. Something to cling to.’

‘Please let me help.’

‘Visions of happy places I'll never get let into. Any memories I had lost so long ago.’

‘That’s so untrue. Please I can’t let you leave. I’ll call the police. Really I mean it.’

‘It won’t stop me. I’m eighteen. I’ve had enough. At least others have beautiful ghosts
and so maybe my home isn't the place I had known or what I dreamed it would be.’

‘Well how will life be better if you leave?.

‘But I feel so alive with these phantoms of night. I know that my life isn't safe but it's wild and it's free.’

‘But Julie will you at least keep in touch?’

‘Of course I will. It’s not your fault. All that I wanted was to be wanted. I'll never wander this road so alone and haunted. It’s just that I was born into nothing.’
‘Will you be far away?’

‘Not far but far enough. I will find a place even with strangers. At least with others I have something. I have something to cling to.’

I already made plans and I can see a future if I get the breaks. It’s easier away from this cesspit. I never knew I'd love this world I’ve finally been let into.’

‘Will you promise to call me when you are settled down?’

‘I’ll try but this is me now so no more Julian. His memories were lost long ago. So I'll dance with these beautiful ghosts.’

‘I hope you won’t regret this so you have my cell phone number at least. Can I have yours please.’

‘Of course this is my new number and my new life starts here. Give me a hug please. Don’t worry about me because all my memories were lost long ago. So now I can dance with these beautiful ghosts.’

In case you missed this beautiful song. https://youtu.be/trljpVH8h88
Sometimes the words of a song can tell more than one real life story.

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Comments

Ok, WOW!!!

Mantori's picture

This feels like a memory, like something that happened to me 25 years ago.

I am in tears. I am in shock.

No wonder I like your work so much.

Just WOW!!!

"Life in general is a fuck up,
but it is the rare moments of beauty and peace
in between the chaos,
That makes it worth living."
- Tertia Hill

WOW...

tmf's picture

So sad...
But sadly so often true...

Too bad I can't see the vidéo.!

Loving Hugs tmf

Peace, Love, Freedom, Happiness
and
Health

OK Wow

Yes as you probably know better than most lots have this real life experience.
The first time I heard the song on the car radio I had to stop and listen then find it when I reached home.
It is brilliantly written and perfectly sung.
Such a shame that the film never had the success of the stage show but anyway this song was stand out.

Jules

Beautiful Ghosts

Lucy Perkins's picture

A really really emotive piece Julie.
You've got me in tears here. All that pain and love for the little brother mixed in.
And the I searched for the lyrics and listened to the song, and started all over again .. Beautiful Ghosts indeed. Thank you Julie.
Love Lucy xxx

"Lately it occurs to me..
what a long strange trip its been."

That

was really something, thank you for recommending it. I know that feeling of being so alone in who I am, I spent quite a bit of time struggling with that. This was a wonderful exploration of that.

Scary

Daphne Xu's picture

This was sad and scary. At least the protagonist was leaving for some real place, as opposed to some metaphorical place.

-- Daphne Xu