Making New Friends
by Sharon Parsons

Warning!! This story contains vegetables! John is hiding something in his dresser. When mom finds out what it is, she offers him the chance to be Joan for the summer. He'll have to tell his friends that he's trading places with his cousin Joan for the summer. As Joan, she'll need to make new friends.

Sarah Matthews shifted the basket of clean clothes to her left arm and turned the handle of her 16-year-old son's door. It was locked.

"John! Are you in there?"

"Yes Mom!"

His voice sounded troubled, as if he were hiding something.

"Why is your door locked."

"I don't know. It must have been an accident."

"Well unlock it. I'm standing out here with your clothes."

"In a minute."

"No John. Now!"

"Okay Mom. I'm coming."

"What's taking you so long?"

"I'm almost there."

"What are you doing in there? Open the door now!"

The door opened.

"Sorry Mom."

Sarah walked in with the basket of clothes and surveyed her son's room for anything that looked unusual or out of place. Everything looked as it normally did. There were sports posters on the wall and athletic trophies on his bookcase.

"What were you doing in here? Why did you have your door locked?"

John shrugged. "I must have locked it by accident. I was doing push-ups. I was trying to get to a hundred. I had to finish before I got up."

Sarah looked at him. He was red-faced, out of breath. Maybe he was doing push-ups. But he looks so guilty, she thought. I hope he's not on drugs.

"You know your father and I don't like you to lock your door."

"Yeah, I know Mom. It was just an accident. That's all."

She handed him the basket of clothes. "They're clean. Bring the basket back down stairs when you finish putting them away."

*****

Sarah was unloading dishes from the washer when John walked in with the empty basket, wearing swim trunks. He told Sarah that he was going to meet his friend, Brian Bettis, at the pool in the park. Sarah told him to be back by six so they could have dinner when his father got home from work.

As soon as John went out the door with a towel, Sarah went up the stairs to his room. She was determined to find whatever it was that he was hiding from her.

She'd been looking less than three minutes when she pulled the bottom drawer of his dresser out. Staring up at her was a treasure trove of contraband.

"Oh my God," she said out loud as she dropped to her knees for a closer look. She removed each item from the drawer and laid them on the floor. When she was done, she sat down and looked at everything her son had been hiding from her.

These are all mine, thought Sarah as she looked at the panties, the bra, the slip and the nightgown. She had plenty of undergarments and hadn't missed them, but she recalled missing the nightgown. She picked them off the floor and placed them back in John's drawer, exactly as she had found them. Afterwards she went back down stairs and had a Carrot in front of her computer.

I shouldn't have snooped, she thought. But then again, he shouldn't have locked his door.

She wasn't shocked, but she was dissapointed. This wasn't the first time she'd had a run in with John's feminine side. But she and her husband had thought it was a harmless phase. This isn't a phase, she thought as she remembered the last encounter.

When John was five, Sarah caught him in her bedroom. His face was smeared with make-up and he was wearing one of her nightgowns. She scolded him and thought that would be the end of it, but it wasn't.

She caught him doing the same thing three more times before she told her husband. The two of them talked to John together. They told him that boys don't do those kinds of things. He seemed to understand but in less than a week he was back to his old tricks.

Sarah consulted her friend from college who was now a psychiatrist. Her friend gave her the names of several websites to look up. She told Sarah not to worry about it, saying that boys John's age were just curious about the difference between boys and girls. She assured Sarah that John would probably grow out of it and lose interest entirely.

But what if he doesn't grow out of it? Sarah had asked her friend that question.

Her friend said that she could either throw him out or accept him as he was.

Sarah and her husband Frank consulted the websites together. They all said pretty much the same thing.

Be supportive and encouraging.
Don't shame him.
Take him shopping and allow him to buy his own feminine things.
Set aside specific hours in the day for "Girl Time".

Sarah and Frank had followed the advice. Sarah took John shopping. All by himself, he picked out the cutest little party dress. Sarah bought him shoes, a wig, and a little purse to go with it.

Girl time consisted of an hour each day after school and two hours on Saturday and two hours on Sunday. John used every minute of his girl time. Of course he had to do it in private, so it did eat into his playtime with friends, but John never seemed to mind.

He outgrew his dress in a year but continued to wear it anyway for almost another year until he turned 7.

Sarah and Frank sat him down and explained that he was too big to wear his pretty dress and they'd have to throw it away. He was sad but seemed to understand. Sarah and Frank didn't ask him if he wanted a new dress and John didn't ask them for a new one.

Life went on and John became interested in sports. He was a good baseball player. If he wasn't playing in a rec league or for his school, he was playing pick-up games with the other kids that lived around the park. There was nothing girlish in his behavior. As far as Sarah and Frank were concerned, John was all boy. He'd outgrown his curiosity for feminine attire. But they had been wrong.

Sarah picked up the phone and called her old friend.

******

John Matthews and Brian Bettis hung out at the pool for a couple hours splashing around and doing some girl watching from afar. Neither of them had much luck with the girls so they ogled them rather than talked to them. John was cute, but he was just too shy to start a conversation with a girl. Brian, on the other hand, had a bubbly good personality, but his weight problem hindered his efforts.

The pool was crawling with pretty teenage girls. Both boys would have loved a chance with any of them. The girl they talked about most was Cheryl Ragsdale. Cheryl lived down the street from John and was sitting on a lounge chair talking with April Hollins and their friend Dean Murphy. April was a babe too.

"Dean is such a lucky dog," said John as he watched his friend rubbing oil on Cheryl's shoulders.

"You know they're fucking, don't you?" asked Brian.

"No way! Did Dean say that?"

"No. But I heard someone say that Cheryl was talking about it. I heard they did it in the butt so she wouldn't get pregnant."

"In the butt," asked John?

"Yeah, I heard girls do that all the time when they're on the rag or they're afraid of getting pregnant."

"That sounds kind of gross."

"What? Are you telling me you wouldn't put it in April's or Cheryl's butt if they let you?"

"I guess I would. I just never thought about it before."

"I think about it all the time," said Brian."

"I gotta go now. You wanna go swimming again tomorrow?"

"I'm tired of swimming. Dean was talking about going to the creek. Maybe we should do that."

"Okay. I'll meet you by the baseball backstop tomorrow," said John as he tossed his towel over his shoulder.

John waved at Dean as he walked out the gate. Dean waved and April waved too. That surprised him. Maybe she was waving at someone else.

As he made his way home, he thought about the close call he'd had with his mom. I almost got caught today, he thought as he watched his feet move across the pavement. That would have been so bad. I've got to stop doing that. What if my friends find out? They'll think I'm a fag. I'm not gay.

I'll never do it again during the day, he vowed. I'll be smart. I'll be careful.

*****

Frank Matthews sat in bed listening to his wife as she told him about finding her clothes in their son's dresser.

"You're right," said Frank. "I don't think this is a phase either. And you're sure he doesn't know you found his stash?"

Sarah took a chew on her Carrot and exhaled. "No. I put everything back the way I found it."

"And you talked to your friend, the psychiatrist, about it? What did she say?"

"Nancy doesn't think its a phase either."

"Then that it? John's gay?"

"Nancy didn't say he was gay. She said he's a crossdresser at the minimum and there's also the possibility that he's transgendered. She said a boy doesn't have to be gay to be either one. But then again, maybe he is.

Frank shook his head. "I don't know Sarah. It doesn't seem right. John's a good kid. He's great at sports and has lots of friends. Its not like he has a bad life. Why would he want to be a girl."

"Its like Nancy said, no one chooses to be transgendered or gay because its better or easier. He wouldn't be doing this unless he had to. We talked about this before, and we said if it happened again, we wouldn't get upset or make him feel bad about it."

"I know we did," said Frank.

"So you're okay with what we talked about? I can take him shopping tomorrow?"

Frank nodded. "Yeah."

"This might just be a weekend thing. You know that don't you? He might be normal in every other way."

"Or I might have a daughter instead of a son," said Frank.

"I'm sorry honey. But you're a good dad and I'm proud to be your wife. I don't think this has anything to do with us."

******

John's alarm clock went off at 3:30AM. He turned it off and rolled out of bed. He didn't need to turn on his light to find his mother's things in his dresser. He slipped on the bra and stuffed the cup with socks. He slipped his legs through the panties, and pulled the nightgown over his shoulders. After getting dressed, he got back in bed and masturbated himself, being careful to catch his sperm with a Kleenex. Satisfied, he returned his mother's clothes to his dresser drawer. I'm only going to to this at night, he told himself. No more daytime stuff.

*****

Sarah was in the kitchen looking though the department store ads in the Sunday newspaper when John came down for breakfast. They greeted each other and John sat down at the table with a bowl of cereal while his mother eatd her Carrot and looked through the paper.

"I was thinking about going shopping today. Would you like to go with me?"

"I don't think so. I told the guys I'd meet them at the park."

"Are you sure? I think we'd have a good time."

"You might but I wouldn't. I don't like shopping. Its boring."

"It wouldn't be boring today."

"How come?"

"Do you remember when you were five and I took you shopping for that cute little party dress?"

John blushed. "Yeah. That was really stupid."

"Was it? As I recall, you rather liked that dress a lot and you enjoyed your girl time too."

"Maybe, but that was a long time ago and I was stupid kid. I don't do stuff like that any more."

"I never thought you were a stupid kid. I think you're very smart and creative. After all, you seemed to find a way to have girl time without me finding out about it until yesterday. I found my clothes in your dresser drawer."

He'd been afraid of this. He was scared and he was ashamed, but he had always known he might get caught. He offered up the only thing he could.

"I'm not gay."

"If you are, I wouldn't mind. Neither would your father. We love you no matter what. You know that, don't you?"

John started crying. "I'm sorry Mom. I won't do it again."

"What makes you think I don't want you to do it?"

"Because its not right!"

"We let you do it when you were younger. It wasn't so wrong then. Was it?"

"That was a different because I was just a little kid. I'm older now. I shouldn't be doing that kind of stuff any more."

"I talked to my friend, the one who is a psychiatrist, and she didn't think it was wrong. She said lots of boys and even older men do the kinds of things that you do. She said its nothing to be ashamed of. I wouldn't be surprised if some of your friends like to wear their mother's things from time to time."

"No they don't."

"How do you know? Have you asked them?"

"No!"

"Then you can't say they don't. But we're not talking about them. We're talking about you. And my friend the doctor says its perfectly okay if you want to dress like a girl from time to time or all the time for that matter."

"Really? She said that?"

"Yes she did. As a matter of fact, she gave me several reasons why boys like to wear girl's clothes. Would you like to hear them?"

"I guess so."

"First of all, she told me that every boy and man has a feminine side and wearing girls' clothes helps them explore it. She said some boys like the way silk feels against their skin. Others are just curious about girls. Wearing girls clothes helps them understand girls better. She also said that some boys like them selves more and feel better about themselves and are just plain happier when they dress and act like girls. And she said that's okay too."

John was so spellbound by his mother's little speech that he had forgotten to blush and look embarrassed and ashamed.

"When you think about it that way, dressing up like a girl doesn't sound so awful or terrible any more. Does it?" she asked.

"No. Not really. Not when you explain it like that."

Sarah smiled lovingly. "I know. That's the way I explained it to your father last night, and he understood too."

"Dad knows?"

"He does and he still loves you the same as he always did and he's okay with this."

"Dad wants me to be a girl?"

"Your father and I don't want you to be a girl, John."

"Oh."

"But we don't want you to be a boy either, at least not for us. We just want you to be whatever makes you the most happy."

John scowled and Sarah read the confusion on his face. She could tell he desperately wanted to please her and his father. And she knew he'd do that at the expense of his own happiness.

"Your father and I talked about it and we both agree that its important for you to have your own girl things. You can wear them in your room or around the house or even outside if you want to."

"Outside?"

"If that's what you want? Since this is your summer vacation, you can be a girl for the rest of the summer if you want."

"But wouldn't my friends find out?"

"Not if you told them you were going away for the summer and that you were trading places with your girl cousin. We could say your name is Joan. Of course you'd have to make friends all over again. It would be like starting over but as a girl."

"And Dad would be okay with this? Even if I did it for the whole summer?"

"Of course he would honey. Me too. It would be like having a daughter for the summer. Of course we couldn't call you our daughter. We'd have to say you're our niece. And you'd have to call us Aunt Sarah and Uncle Frank when we're in public or around your new friends. But you could do that, couldn't you?"

John nodded eagerly. "Yeah, I could do that?"

"There's one more thing," said Sarah. "If you decide you want to do this, you can't change your mind a week later. So if, lets say, Joan and John get home sick, they can't trade places until its time to go back to school."

"Because people would think it was funny and they'd figure out that I'm really not Joan."

Sarah touched his head with her finger. "Now you're using your head. So what do you think? Do you want to be Joan for the rest of the summer? Or do you just want some girl things to play around with?"

"I think I want to be Joan for the rest of the summer. You know, just to see what its like."

Sarah kissed him on the cheek. "Okay then. You go to the park and see your friends. Tell them that you're going to Pennsylvania tomorrow to visit your aunt and uncle for the summer. And be sure to tell them that your cousin Joan will be staying at your house for the summer."

"Okay."

"And while you're saying goodbye to your friends, I'm going to do a little shopping for some things you'll need to be Joan. After that, I can take you to the mall and we can get you whatever you want."

*****

John left his house in a daze. Every nerve in his body felt on fire as he replayed the conversation with his mother in his head. His groin ached with fear and anticipation as he questioned the reality of the situation that was about to unfold. Had his mother really told him that he was going to be a girl for the rest of the summer?

His head swam as he tried to convince himself that he must have misunderstood her. After all, it didn't make sense. There was no way his parents would let him be a girl for the summer, much less encourage him to do it and feel good about it. But that's exactly what his mother had said. He wasn't making it up. He actually heard her say it.

I'm going to the park right now to tell my friends that I'm going away for the summer just so I can do this! I'm going to have my own panties and my own bra! The idea of having to wake up every morning for the rest of the summer and put on a bra made goosebumps raise up on his arms. Maybe Mom will let me stuff it with socks. That would be so cool, he thought. That way I'd have boobs like a real girl.

He couldn't keep from grinning as he walked down the street. For the first time in his life, he felt like he might not be such a bad person after all. Mom said a lot of boys like to wear girls clothes. She said the doctor told her so. Some of my friends might even do it too. I wonder what I'll look like as a girl. I know it will feel good but what if I'm ugly? What if I look like a boy in a dress? That would suck!

A scarier thought occurred to him. What if I look the same except that I'm dressed like a girl? If I tell my friends I'm going away then I can't change my mind. I might have to stay in the house all summer. But even if I did have to stay in the house, I'd still get to dress like a girl!

He asked himself if he really wanted to go through with it.

All my life I've wondered what it would be like to be a girl but I never thought I'd ever get the chance and now I've got it. There's no way I can't do this. I have to do it!

He asked himself what his parents would think about him when they saw him dressed up.

Mom said it would be okay with her. She acted like she really wants me to do it. She said it would be okay with Dad too.

Will it really be okay with Dad, he wondered? He knew his mom was right about his dad still loving him, but there was something else.

Dad's going to love me. But what is he going to think about me?

I'm not a girl. I'm a boy. I like to do boy things. I play baseball. I kissed a girl once. I've got friends. I'm not a girl. How can my dad see me dressed like a girl and still think good things about me?

I can't do this, he thought sadly.

Thoughts of bras and panties and dresses flashed through his mind. He pictured himself wearing make-up and maybe even wearing a wig. I might look pretty, he thought.

He walked past the dugout and the backstop without seeing his friends.

I'm either the last one here or they're down by the creek. He heard a splash as he broke the tree line. The splash was followed by voices.

"There it is!" shouted Brian Bettis. "By the log!"

"Where?" asked Dean Murphy.

"There!"

Dean threw another rock. "Missed it. Shit!"

"What were you trying to hit?" asked John as he climbed down the bank using a vine that had wrapped itself around a tree.

"A bullfrog," said Dean.

"There it is again!" shouted Brian as he threw another rock.

John looked on the ground and quickly found three good sized rocks.

All three boys bombarded the creek with rocks making bomb noises as they hunted down the unlucky amphibian.

"I think he got away," said Brian as he took a seat on a rock.

John took his shoes off and stood in the creek so that the cold water rushed past his ankles. "Think there's any fish in here," he asked?

"They're probably little if there are," said Dean. "But we could bring a pole tomorrow. I bet we'd find some worms under those rocks."

"I can't," said John. Oh shit. Here it comes, he thought. I'm really going to do this. His groin tingled.

"Why not asked?" asked Dean. "I got an extra pole you can use if you don't have one."

"I'm not going to be here," said John. "I'm going to Pennsylvania. I just found out today. My parents are going to send me there to stay with my aunt and uncle for the rest of the summer.

"Aw man! That sucks dude," said Brian. "The whole summer?"

"Yeah," said John. "And my cousin is coming down here to stay with my parents."

"That sounds dumb," said Brian.

John shrugged his shoulders. Brian was right. It did sound kind of dumb, but he'd said it.

"How old is your cousin?" asked Dean. "What's his name?"

"She's a girl. Her name is Joan. She's 16, same age as us."

"What's she look like," asked Dean?

"I don't know. I haven't seen her for a long time. You know. She's a girl. She looks like a girl."

"But is she pretty," asked Dean?"

"Probably not. Everybody says she looks a lot like me."

Brian laughed. "She's got to be a dog then. No offense to you, but I can't see you as a girl. You'd be coyote ugly if you were a girl."

Everyone laughed, including John, even though he didn't think it was the least bit funny. As it matter of fact, it scared him.

What if he's right, thought John. What if I do this and I am coyote ugly. I messed up my whole summer if that happens. He felt better when he remembered he could at least dress up like a girl in his house. It won't be so bad, he thought.

*****

John felt remorseful as he walked home from the park. He'd done it. But what had he really done? The excitement he'd felt earlier had been replaced by a feeling of guilt and shame.

My parents are going to think I'm a sissy now. Even after this is over and school starts back, they're going to think I'm a sissy. They'll probably buy me things like dolls and stuffed animals for my birthday instead of baseball bats and guns. Of course that means they could give me things like lipstick and fingernail polish too. His penis stiffened at the thought.

Oh my God, he thought. I'm going to be a girl for the summer!

He walked through the garage door and was immediately greeted by his mother who was sorting through what looked like at least 10 boxes and bags on the kitchen table.

"Did you have a good time with your friends?"

"Yeah," said John as he scanned the stuff on the table. "We goofed off down by the creek."

"Did you tell them what we talked about, that you'd be leaving for the summer?"

"Yeah. I did that too. It felt really weird."

"So that means you haven't changed your mind about being a girl for the summer?"

"Uh-uh. I'm still going to do it as long as you think its okay."

"I wouldn't have gotten you all these things if I didn't. Look at these," she said as she held up two pieces of rubbery things shaped like big boneless chicken breasts.

"What are they?"

"They're called breast forms," said Sarah as she held them against his chest. "We'll glue them to your chest and then you can wear a bra."

"You got me a bra?" asked John excitedly.

"Right here," said Sarah as laid the breast forms on the table and picked up a tan bra. "Everything on the table is for you. There's even a wig in the bag."

"Can I see it?

****

By the time Frank Matthews got home from work that night, Sarah and John had put all of "Joan's" stuff in John's bedroom. Sarah had told him he could wear one of the outfits she bought him, but John said he'd rather wait until he had time to do it right the next day.

As much as John wanted to try on the clothes, he thought it best if he had dinner with his dad one more time as a boy. Besides that, he was half-way thinking of backing out. Telling his friends he was going to Pennsylvania for the summer was one thing. But dressing up as a girl in front of his dad was a lot different. He needed to get his courage up for that.

Frank was an open minded man, but he was also a man's man. He wasn't looking forward to seeing his son dressed as a girl, especially not for the summer. However, he loved his son and wanted to do right by him. Deep in his heart, he agreed with his wife that a summer cross dressing experiment was in John's best interest.

"Your mom called me at work today," said Frank as he cut into his steak. "She said she bought you a starter of kit of sorts. What did she get you?"

John took a sip of water and composed himself. At least he knows and mom isn't sneaking it by him, thought John as he set the glass back on the table. "You know Dad, I don't have to do this if its going to bother you. Its not like its really something I have to do. It's more like a game, you know. Its stupid and silly. I probably shouldn't even be doing it."

"I know you're worried about doing this in front of me and I don't blame you for being scared. If you want to know the truth, I think you're actually very brave for doing what you're going to do."

"Brave? You think I'm brave for dressing like a girl?"

"Lets not kid about this," said Frank as he set down his fork. "These next couple months are going to be very important for all of us, especially you. I want you to have fun, but this isn't a game. Your mother and I, and a very smart doctor, think you need to do this so you can find out some important things about your self. Its very possible that you might like being a girl better than you like being a boy."

"Dad...."

"No. Let me finish. I know you're a boy, but this thing you've got for liking girls clothes is probably going to stick with you for the rest of your life and its important to learn as much about it as you can. This might wind up being something you do once a month or once a year when you get older, and that's fine. But at the same time, its only fair to admit that you might want to do this more often- maybe every day. And if that's the case, your mother and I want to help you be the best girl you can be. And if its not the case, we want to help you be the best boy you can be. Do you understand what I'm saying?

John nodded.

Frank smiled at him. "Good. So what did your mother get you today?"

*****

When it was time for bed, John got his mother's nightgown out of the dresser drawer where he had hid it and it put it on. It felt strange to think he wasn't hiding it any more. She knew he had it and she said it was okay for him to keep wearing it.

This is my nightgown, he thought to himself as he laid down in his bed. Oddly enough he was too nervous to get an erection. It was probably the first time in his life that he had put on one of his mother's things and didn't masturbate.

His mother had said some things that unnerved him. But he didn't pick up on them until his father said the same thing at dinner. Both his mom and dad thought there was a chance that he might not want to go back to being a boy again after summer was over. The idea of such a thing thrilled him and left him petrified with fear at the same time.

It was thrilling for obvious reasons. It's going to feel fantastic getting dressed up like a girl, he thought. It also frightened him for obvious reasons. I can't be girl, he thought, because I like being a boy. I'm a boy.

But what if his parents were right? What if he found out he liked being a girl better? What then?

My whole life would change. I'd have to go to school as a girl. I couldn't play sports any more, at least not on the boy's baseball team. I'd have to make all new friends with everyone in the whole school. I'd have to make a whole new life for myself. He wondered if Brian and Dean and his other friends would miss him.

****

Sarah kissed Frank goodbye and sat back down at the kitchen table and had another Carrot while she finished her coffee. She didn't say so to Frank, but she was genuinely looking forward to today and the rest of the summer.

Even though she'd never said so to Frank, Sarah had always wanted a daughter. It wasn't that she didn't love John because she did. She wanted two children- a son and a daughter. But Frank got a vasectomy when John was two. He did it without discussing it with her. He just came home one day and said he'd had it done on his lunch break. He thought she would be pleased to hear she wouldn't have to use birth control any more. She told him that was great. What else could she say?

She expected John to enjoy his summer as a girl. She expected to enjoy it too. But she hoped it would end when school started back in the fall. She loved her son and didn't want to lose him. Besides, it would be such a hard life for him.

After finishing her Carrot, Sarah put her mug in the sink and went upstairs to wake John up.

She looked down on him as she slept in her nightgown. She thought he looked so cute and comfortable in it. She almost hated to wake him up, but it was time to start his summer as a girl.

******

After taking a bath and shaving the hair from his body, John slipped on a pair of panties and let his mother glue the breast forms to his chest.

The glue is water-proof," said Sarah. "It's supposed to last two weeks and you can take showers and even go swimming with them on. That means we'll need to get you a bathing suit today."

Sarah was impressed with how fast John managed to get into the bra. He blushed when she made a comment about him having a lot of practice. He also grew an erection when he saw himself in his mirror.

"Oh my," said Sarah. "That won't do at all. You need to put a gaff on before you put your panties on." She reached into a bag and pulled one out and told him to put it on in the bathroom.

"Much better," she said upon his return, as she handed him a pair of girl's jeans and a pink tank top to put on.

When John was dressed, she sat him down in his chair and put a little make-up on him.

"I'm only going to use a little," she said. "The woman at the salon will do a better job after she thins and shapes your eyebrows. By the way, you do want to get your ears pierced today, don't you?"

"Sure, yeah. That would be great."

After she finished with the make-up, Sarah placed the wig on his head and secured it with clips. It was blonde and layered. The ends hung down past John's shoulders.

"So what do you think," she asked? "Do you like it?"

"Mom! I'm beautiful! I don't even look like me."

"That's the idea. And you'll be even more beautiful once we get your hands manicured and shape those caveman brows of yours."

"I'm really going to the mall with you like this?"

"Oh honey, yes! There are so many things we still have to get you," she said as she handed him a purse. "I put some things you'll need in there. You got a compact and a brush and some lipstick. There's a wallet in there too with a little bit of mad money in it. Oh! I almost forgot. You can't go to the mall barefooted. I got you some sandals. Sandals are great and you'll use them every day, but I still need to teach you how to walk in heels."

*****

As soon as they got to the mall, Sarah took John to a salon. The eyebrow plucking was painful. The manicure was a blast. And John paid close attention to the salon worker's instructions as she showed him how to do his make-up.

Sarah laughed as they left the salon. "John might have walked in there, but Joan walked out. How do you feel honey?"

Joan looked at the acrylic finger nails on her hand and then back to her mother. "It's incredible," she said. "I thought I looked good back at the house, but I never dreamed I could ever look as good as this. I look just like a girl, don't I?"

"Oh sweetie. I can't believe it either. You look more like a girl than any real girl in this mall. Are you happy?"

"Yes," squealed Joan!

"Lets go to Spencers and get your ears pierced. It will only take a minute."

"Will it hurt?"

"Not much. You'll feel a sting. But the real problem is keeping them clean afterwards. If you don't do a good job, they'll get infected. And that will really hurt if that happens."

As they were walking into Spencers, Cheryl Ragsdale and April Hollins were walking out. The girls didn't recognize Joan, but Cheryl recognized Sarah because she lived down the street.

"Hi Mrs. Matthews!" said Cheryl. "How are you doing?"

"Well hello Cheryl. I'm doing great. How are you."

"Good. This is my friend April. We just came in to look at the posters and we got a few things too."

Joan knew she was fidgeting and she tried to stop but she was so nervous about seeing Cheryl. Oh my God, thought Joan. She lives right down the street. She's going to recognize me. April too!

"This is my niece Joan Matthews," said Sarah. She's visiting from Pennsylvania and she's staying with us for the summer.

"Lucky you," said April. "So what's it like living in the same house with John. He's so cute. But I bet he keeps his room like a pig, doesn't he?"

"Actually I wouldn't know," said Joan. "I hope not though, because he's staying in my room back in Pennsylvania. We thought it would be fun to switch families for the summer."

"That's so cool!" said Cheryl. "So that means you'll be here for the whole summer and I live like four houses away from you. We'll see each other all summer. Hey! I know. April is spending the night at my house tonight. How about you come over too and stay with us. You won't even have to bring a sleeping bag. I got an extra one."

"I don't know," said Joan nervously. "I'd have to ask my aunt."

Joan turned to his mother with a pleading look.

"That sounds like a great idea. What time do you want her to come over."

"After dinner would be good. Is 7:00 okay?"

Joan managed a weak smile. "Yeah, okay...sure. I'll see you then." She lifted her hand and waved. "Bye."

When Cheryl and April were out of earshot Joan asked her mother why she'd said yes to spending the night.

"It was the way you were looking at me. I thought you wanted to go."

"Mom! They'll figure it out."

"No they won't- not if you don't tell them. Besides, its going to be a long summer and you need some friends. I don't know about April, but Cheryl is a nice girl. You're going to need some new friends."

Fifteen minutes later, Joan walked out of Spencers with two new holes in her head and a mountain of worries. She fretted over the upcoming spend-the-night while she continued the shopping trip with her mother.

"What do girls do when they go to these things," asked Joan?

"Probably the same kinds of things you do with your friends, but they talk a lot more."

"What do they talk about?"

"Boys mostly." She laughed. "It sounds like April has a crush on you, so I wouldn't be surprised if she wants to talk about John."

Joan shook her head. "I don't think she likes me. She never talks to me."

"Well do you talk to her?"

"No."

"You'd be surprised to learn how many girls think you're cute, if you actually talked to them."

"I can't Mom. I'm too shy."

"Maybe after spending the night with April and Cheryl, you won't be shy about talking to girls any more. They're not vicious creatures, you know."

*****

After eating dinner, Sarah helped Joan bunch an overnight bag.

"Why are you putting tampons in my bag," asked Joan?

"Because a real girl would carry some at all times. In your situation, looking the part is going to be more important than being the part. Keep that in mind honey."

Joan showed up on the Ragsdale's front porch a little after 7:00. Mrs. Ragsdale opened the door and the two of them made their introduction. She told Joan that the girls were upstairs in Cheryl's room.

"It's the first door on the left," she said.

Talk about Deja vu, thought Joan as she walked up the stairs with her bag. Meeting people you've known your whole life and pretending like its the first time is really weird.

Joan thought that Cheryl and April seemed genuinely glad to see her when she walked in the room. Both of them hugged her. Strange, he thought. Brian and Dean never hug me when they see me. He guessed girls were just different that way. Still, it was nice to get hugs from girls he'd always considered as hot.

It was the first time John had ever been inside a girl's room. Most of his friends that had sisters would have killed him if he had stepped foot inside. He marveled at the difference between his and Cheryl's room. His room, with the sports posters and trophies seemed stark in comparison. Most of Cheryl's posters were of male movie stars. The walls were pink and the furniture was white. Stuffed animals littered the corners and shelves. It looked so girly to him.

Talking to the two girls was relatively easy at first. They wanted to know about her for the most part. Did she have any brothers or sisters? What's it like in Pennsylvania? Did she like her school? Does she have a boyfriend back home?

Joan kept her answers entertaining but simple so she could remember and keep track of what she said. She was quick to say no about having a boyfriend.

Her mom had been right when she said April might ask her about John. Talking about himself in the 3rd person was both easy and fun. The more he talked, the more surprised he was at the girls' questions and their responses to her answers. Cheryl and April both thought John was cute.

Both girls were quick to talk about boys- many of them that John knew well. Cheryl went on and on about Dean Murphy. Joan wondered if what Brian said about Cheryl and Dean was true.

Cheryl and April started talking about a party they had gone to a couple weeks earlier. John himself had gone to that party, but Joan couldn't talk about. She could only listen.

The girls were talking about something Cheryl had done with Dean at the party in the back room. John had seen the two of them go into the back room. He figured they had kissed but he never asked Dean about it, because Dean was the kind of guy that wouldn't have told him anything. He was private like that. But Cheryl was apparently more chatty when it came to talking about her back room experiences.

April had heard Cheryl's story before, so Cheryl was telling it for Joan's benefit.

"I gave him a blow job that night," said Cheryl! "He has the cutest penis!"

A blow job, thought Joan. Cheryl gave my friend Dean a blow job? Joan was amazed. She was also very grossed out at Cheryl's description of the event. If this was something she had to hear about it, she would have preferred to hear Dean's account over Cheryl's.

"He did his thing in your mouth," asked Joan?

"Its called an orgasm," said Cheryl, "and yes. Don't tell me you've never sucked off a boy before."

When in Rome, do like the Roman's, thought Joan. "Well yea, of course- all the time. But I never let a boy have an orgasm in my mouth."

Cheryl nodded. "You made him pull out first?"

"Yeah."

"Lame!" said both girls in unison.

"Why did you make him pull out," asked Cheryl? "Were you afraid your stomach was going to swell up like a water melon if you got sperm in it? You know you can't get pregnant from sucking and butt fucking, don't you?"

Joan hung her head. April and Cheryl thought she was lame.

"Real girls swallow," said April as she grabbed her purse. "I need a Carrot."

"Me too," said Cheryl. "Lets tell my parents we're going to the park. Come on Joan. Or are you going to tell us girls in Pennsylvania don't eat."

"I've done it a couple times," lied Joan.

"Its good for losing weight," said Cheryl. I started eating a couple months ago and I've already lost 5 pounds."

"I lost seven," said April.

Joan suddenly felt self-conscious about her weight. "Do you think I'm fat," she asked?

"I wouldn't say your fat," said Cheryl. "But I think you'd look better if lost a couple pounds."

*****

Joan got home at around 10:00 the next morning. Her dad was at work but her mom was waiting nervously in the kitchen.

"Did you have a good time," she asked? "Tell me all about it."

Joan told her everything, but left out the part about eating and Cheryl giving Dean a blow-job.

"Cheryl is coming over after I take a shower. We're going to the park."

"So you like them, as a girl I mean?"

"Yeah," said Joan. "They're really cool."

"I'm so glad you're making friends. I'm curious though. What do you think about this girl thing so far?"

"I like it Mom. And I love wearing my clothes so much! Hey, can I ask you a question about something?"

"Sure hon."

"Do you think I'm fat?"

"Not for a boy, but I guess you might look a little better in your bathing suit if you dropped a couple pounds. Why? Did one of the girls say you were fat last night?"

"Not exactly, but they said about the same thing you did."

"I'll make you a salad tonight for dinner," said Sarah.

******

Cheryl showed up at Joan's house about an hour after Joan finished her shower and put on her make-up. After making some small talk with Joan's aunt, the two girls left the house and began their walk to the park.

"So why are we going to the park," asked Joan?

"April is going to meet us there. Her older sister gave her a joint. You ever get high before?"

"No," said Joan.

"You'll love it. You eat a joint like you do a Carrot but you hold in the inhale for as long as you can before blowing the eat out."

This was not what Joan wanted to hear. eating Carrots was bad enough but at least that was something her mother did. If she got caught with Carrots, she'd get in trouble, but it wouldn't be near as bad as getting caught with pot.

"Are you sure you don't want to try a toke?" asked Cheryl as she took another pull on the joint.

"I'm okay," said Joan. "I'll just stick with the Carrots for now," she said as she took another Carrot from April's bunch and lit it.

April laughed. "Joan would be a lot more fun to hang with if she loosened up. We need to get her laid before she goes back to Pennsylvania."

Cheryl coughed and sputtered out her marijuana eat. "Absolutely," said Cheryl.

*****

Joan spent the next four weeks hanging out with April and Cheryl almost every day. They'd go to each others houses. On some days they'd walk up to the park and swim in the pool there. On other days, their parents would take turns dropping them off at the mall or at the movies, as no one had their driver's license yet.

The girls were relentless in their efforts to loosen her up. They had eatd pot twice since that first time in the park, but Joan had refused to join them, choosing instead to stick with the Carrots. April and Cheryl had been right about eating being good for losing weight. She'd lost six pounds since she started and now she was ready to quit.

Whenever they were at the pool, April and Cheryl would try to fix Joan up with one of the boys they had deemed cute. Joan would just tell them that the boy didn't do anything for her.

On one of their outings at the pool, April accused Joan of being a lesbian. "If you don't like any of these boys then that must mean you're a lesbian."

Cheryl freaked out and stepped away from Joan. "Oh my God! Is that true," she asked?

"No!" said Joan. "Its just that I have a boyfriend back home and I don't want to cheat on him."

"I thought you told us you don't have a boyfriend," said April.

Joan tried to recover from the lie. "I don't, but I like a guy and I'm waiting for him to ask me out."

"Who is it," asked April? "Is he here at the pool?"

Joan looked around the pool. "I don't see him here today."

"What's his name then," asked Cheryl?

Joan blurted out the safest name that came to mind. "Brian Bettis."

"Brian," shouted Cheryl! "Dean's fat friend. You like him?"

"He's not so fat," said Joan. "I think he's probably a real nice guy. Maybe you two should give him a chance."

"That's okay," said April. "We wouldn't want to steal porky from you."

"I know," said Cheryl. "Me and Dean are going to the movies tomorrow. I'll call him and get him to get Brian to go too. It can be a double date and then after the movie we can go back to my house and hang out in the basement."

"Okay," said Joan nervously. "That sounds good."

*****

Later that night, when Joan was talking to her parents, she mentioned that she would be going to a movie with Cheryl the next day, but she didn't say anything about Brian and Dean. After all, it wasn't like she wanted to go on a date with a boy. She was just afraid April and Cheryl would think she was a lesbian if she didn't go. She still had six more weeks of summer left, and they would make her life miserable if they thought she was a lesbian.

And if I tell my parents about Brian, they'll think I'm gay, thought Joan.

The phone rang after dinner and Sarah Matthews answered it while Joan washed the dishes and put them away.

Joan was finishing up when Sarah walked in the kitchen and asked to talk to her.

"That was Brian's mom on the phone," she said.

Joan cringed.

"She said that you and Brian have a double date tomorrow with Dean and Cheryl. Why didn't you tell us?"

"I did Mom. I told you that me and Cheryl were going to the movies."

"Yes, but you didn't say anything about Brian and Dean."

Sarah listened as Joan explained how the date with Brian had been arranged.

"So you're afraid the girls won't be friends with you anymore if you don't go on this date, because they'll think you're a lesbian?"

"And I was afraid if I told you and Dad about it, you'd think I was gay."

"I see," said Sarah. "According to Brian's mother, Brian is very excited about going to the movies with you. Apparently Dean has led him to believe that you have the hots for him."

"But I don't Mom! You got to believe me."

"But he thinks you do. Brian is your best friend and whatever you do tomorrow, you can't hurt his feelings. It would crush him, especially since he thinks you really like him."

"So what am I supposed to do?"

"I don't know honey."

"What if he tries to kiss me?"

"He probably won't, but if he does, it won't kill you to give him a kiss."

"But we're both boys!"

"I know that and you know that but he doesn't. And there's no reason he has to know about it either. Just be nice to him and in a couple of weeks you can let him down gently."

"A couple of weeks?"

"You're the one that told April and Cheryl that you really like him. Hows it going to look to them if you act like a bitch tomorrow and dump him the same day? And how would that make your friend feel?"

Joan couldn't argue because she knew her mom was right.

******

Joan went to Cheryl's house the next day.

"Where are your parents," asked Joan? I thought they were taking us to the movies?

"Change in plans," said Cheryl. "My dad is out of town and my mom is going to be at the outlet store all day."

"I can call my aunt. I'm sure she'll be able to take us."

"That's okay. We can just watch TV in the basement. Want a Carrot," asked Cheryl as she took one from her mother's bunch of cabbage and handed them to Joan.

"What about your parents?"

Cheryl exhaled. "They're not here silly. That's the point."

Joan nervously took a Carrot from the bunch and lit it as she looked for a way out of the predicament. "I don't think my aunt would want me here with boys coming over if your parents aren't around."

"You're either a chicken or a lesbian like April thinks," said Cheryl as she exhaled.

"Or maybe I'm a good girl and I don't do the kinds of things that you do with boys," argued Joan.

"I don't think so. If that was the case you'd be going to church on Sunday and I know you don't go to church. So its like I said. You're a chicken or a lesbian. Everyone knows you've spent the night with me and April. If they think you're one then they'll think we're one too. You owe me the truth Joan."

"I'm not a lesbian," said Joan.

"Good! Then we'll have a good time when the boys get here."

******

Joan and Cheryl met the boys at the front door and took them down to the basement. Cheryl turned the TV on and sat down next to Dean on the couch, leaving the love seat for Joan and Brian.

The clock on the wall said 1:00. That meant their basement date would last at least three or four hours.

"So what do you guys want to do?" asked Dean as he put his arm around Cheryl.

"Did you bring your cards," asked Cheryl?

"Right here," said Dean as he tapped his front pocket.

"Lets play that card game you told me about last night. The one with the couples as teams and they play against each other."

"Strip poker," asked Brian?

"Nope. This game is better," said Dean as he cut the deck on the coffee table. "It's five card draw- loser takes a dare."

"How do you play," asked Brian?

"Its just like regular draw but instead of teams anteing money before every hand, they ante a kiss, like this," he said as he kissed Cheryl on the lips. "You get five cards down and three cards is the most you can discard and draw again. I'm the dealer."

"How do you tell who wins if we're not using real money," asked Brian?

"The losers are the real winners," said Cheryl. "Don't you get it? If our hand is better than yours, we get to give you a dare to do, and the dares get harder and harder."

Dean laughed. "Or easier and easier if you're me and Cheryl," he said as he dealt out ten cards.

Joan and Brian won the first hand. Brian asked Joan what the dare should be.

"Something easy," said Joan, hoping against hope that Cheryl and Dean would return the favor. She turned to Cheryl and Dean and said, "We dare Cheryl to shake hands with Dean."

"You're no fun at all," said Cheryl as she quickly shook Dean's hand. "Deal another hand."

Joan and Brian won the next five hands.

Cheryl lit a Carrot and cut the cards.

"I didn't know you eatd," said Brian.

"Yeah, I'm a real bad girl," said Cheryl as she exhaled across the table in his direction. "And if you tell my parents I'll cut your balls off."

Brian shook his head and looked at Joan. "You don't eat, do you?"

Joan's stomach turned flip-flops. If she lied, Cheryl would call her on it. If she didn't lie, Brian would think less of her. She reminded her self that she wasn't John today or for the rest of the summer. When this is all over, Joan's reputation might get trashed, but John's will stay intact.

"Yes," she said. "But not that much."

Cheryl laughed. "Liar! You eat more than April and I put together."

Joan narrowed her eyes on Cheryl's, pleading for her to cut some slack. "Just deal the cards," she said.

Dean dealt the cards and Brian and Joan lost their first hand.

"Its about time," said Cheryl. "Okay Miss Goody-Two-Shoes, I dare Brian to light your Carrot for you."

"I don't have any," said Joan.

"Then bum some of mine," said Cheryl as she pushed the bunch and lighter toward Brian. "Go ahead honey. Light her up!"

Brian, who had all the desire in the world and none of the worldly experience to go along with it, nervously fumbled through lighting Joan's Carrot for you.

"I'm sorry if this bothers you," she said.

"Its okay," said Brian. "Its just a game. My mom eats anyway so I'm used to it."

"Here comes the next hand," said Dean as he dealt the cards.

The game continued for the next half hour with both teams winning and losing their share. Brian and Joan kept their dares minimal but Cheryl and Dean were constantly raising the stakes.

Dean dared Brian to touch Joan's boob. Cheryl dared Joan to touch Brian's penis through his pants. Joan didn't grope Brian, but her fingertip landed on his erection.

Oh my God, thought Joan, how far is Cheryl going to take this game? "I'm getting bored," she said. "What's on TV."

"How many cards do you guys want," asked Dean?

Brian discarded two and Dean replaced them. Joan groaned when she saw their hand.

"Aces over kings," said Dean as he laid his cards on the table.

"I dare you to kiss him," said Cheryl, "with your tongue, for one whole minute."

"No fair," said Joan. "That's three dares in one. Its got to be one dare at a time."

"She's right," said Dean. "They kissed with their lips last time so this time it has to be with their tongues, but it can be as long as they want."

Victory, thought Joan as she prepared to put a quick end to the kiss before it even began. "Are you ready?"

Brian nodded nervously. He'd never kissed a girl as pretty as Joan before, even if she did eat.

"Close your eyes then," said Joan.

Brian closed his eyes and stuck out his lips.

Joan took a deep breath and went for it. Her tongue easily penetrated Brian's open mouth and made contact. Done, she thought. Brian's meaty hand clamped down on her shoulders, startling her. The kiss continued. Done, she thought. His kiss tasted warm and sweet. Done, she thought as she moved her hand across his lap.

Joan came up for air some thirty or more seconds after the kiss began. Her head was swimming. She was swooning. Oh my God, she thought. I really kissed Brian.

Dean was grinning for his chubby buddy and Cheryl was impressed.

"Lets keep playing," said Brian.

Dean dealt Brian and Joan two more losing hands in a row. Their first dare was to French kiss for a whole minute as Cheryl had originally requested. Joan and Brian complied.

"What are you going to dare us to do now?" asked Joan nervously.

"I dare you to give Brian a blow-job," said Cheryl.

"What? Here? In front of you two?" asked Joan.

"Not in front of us," said Cheryl as she got up from the couch and took Dean's hand. "You two stay down here. Dean and I are going to my room. We'll be back in an hour." She laughed. "I'll know by looking at you if you chickened out."

Brian and Joan turned to each other as Dean and Cheryl walked up the stairs.

"We don't have to this, you know," said Brian. "Its just a game."

"I know," said Joan as she nervously picked up the bunch of Carrots Cheryl had purposely left behind. "Do you mind?" she asked before lighting it. "I'm kind of nervous."

Brian shook his head. "Its okay."

"Thanks," said Joan as she lit her Carrot. "I didn't plan on eating in front of you when I woke up today. As a matter of fact, I didn't plan on kissing you like we did either."

"You don't really like me the way Dean said, do you? I guess this was some kind of joke that Cheryl made you do."

"I'm so confused right now," said Joan. "But this wasn't a joke. I like you a lot Brian, but I'm not sure what it means."

"Why did you want me to be here?"

"First of all, I didn't know we were going to play this game. I thought we were going to the movies. I had no idea that any of this was going to happen. But Cheryl and April thought I was a lesbian so they made me choose a guy to prove I wasn't and I picked you, because out of everyone I know here, I Iike you best."

"Oh," said Brian as he sat back on the couch to digest her explanation. "So this isn't joke and you do kind of like me, at least as a friend?"

"Absolutely as a friend," said Joan as she looked at the Carrot in her hand. "So was this the first time you ever kissed a girl that eats."

Brian laughed. "Yeah, I felt like I was kissing a grown up. It wasn't so bad once I got used to it. The thing is though, you kiss really nice."

"I think you kiss nice too," said Joan softly.

Brian biteed out his chest. "Thanks! You know you're the prettiest girl thats ever talked to me before."

"You're a really nice guy and you deserve a nice girlfriend."

"I think you're nice."

Joan shook her head. "I didn't feel like a nice girl when I was kissing you. I was pretty excited."

"Me too."

Joan finished her Carrot and put it out in the ashtray. "So I bet you're really ready for your friend John to come back."

"I miss him, but I don't want you to leave."

"Its not like I'm leaving tomorrow. I still have a couple weeks left."

"Does that mean we can see each other again, like on dates?"

"Maybe. Would you like that?"

"If you were my girlfriend, I'd be so nice to you."

"I'd be nice to you too," she said as she snuggled up to him and placed her hand on his crotch. She kissed him deeply and then whispered into his ear for him to take his pants off. "We still have a dare left to do or we'll lose the game."

******

Joan was in agony as Brian's mother pulled up in her driveway. Brian wanted to walk her to the door but Joan insisted that he stay in the car. She told him she'd him again soon as she closed the door and ran up to her house.

Her dad, who was watching TV in the living room, asked if the movie had been good. She told him it was great as she ran up the stairs to the bathroom and brushed her teeth.

She was laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling, when her mom knocked on the door. Joan took a deep breath and steadied her nerves.

"How did it go today with Brian," asked Sarah?

"It was okay."

"Did you have a good time?"

"I guess so."

"Then why do you look so bothered? Did something happen?"

"No. Not really. We just saw a movie."

"Did Brian try to kiss you?"

Joan nodded.

"And...?"

"And I let him," said Joan.

"Is that why you're upset."

"I don't think I want talk about this right now Mom. Okay?"

Sarah nodded. "Maybe we can talk about it later when you're more up to it."

"Okay. Can you close the door on your way out?"

Sarah kissed her on the cheek and closed the door behind her.

Even though she had just brushed her teeth, Joan swore she could still taste Brian's sperm in her mouth. She closed her eyes and wept.

*****

Cheryl, April, and Brian all called the house the next day, but Joan wouldn't talk so her mom wrote down the messages.

"You're really upset," said Sarah as she hung up the phone after talking with Brian.

"I just don't feel good. Maybe it was something I ate."

"That, or something you did or didn't do yesterday," said Sarah as she lit a Carrot.

Joan nodded as she watched the eat from her mother's Carrot circle up toward the ceiling. "I did a lot things Mom," she said softly. "And I'm not too proud of them," she added.

"Did you hurt Brian's feelings yesterday?"

"No."

"Does Cheryl still think you're a lesbian?"

"No."

"In that case, I take it that you kissed Brian."

"Yeah, you could say that."

Sarah took a bite from her Carrot and nodded as they sat in silence. Finally she spoke, "Maybe this isn't as bad as you think it is."

"Its bad Mom. Trust me."

"Did anyone find out about your secret?"

"No."

"I can't help you if you won't talk to me."

Joan took a deep breath and spilled the last five weeks of her life. She talked about eating to lose weight and how she tried to quit but couldn't. She confessed to being at the park with April and Cheryl when they were eating pot. She told her mom about Cheryl and April accusing her of being a lesbian and how Cheryl never planned on going to the movies on their double date in the first place. "She had it all planned from the start," sobbed Joan.

Sarah listened as Joan described the card game and dares. She did her best to keep up with the story as it changed from kissing and then to more than kissing.

"I didn't even want to kiss him," cried Joan, "but I knew I had to so I tried to make it quick and then he really kissed me and I felt like I was melting."

Sarah stayed calm while Joan told her about the blow-job dare and Cheryl and Dean leaving Joan and Brian in the basement while they went upstairs.

"He came in my mouth and I swallowed his sperm," cried Joan.

And then the words stopped and Joan closed up, except for the tears that fell in torrents from her eyes.

"Its okay honey," said Sarah as she put her hand on Joan's shoulder. "You're not the first girl whose ever done something like that."

"But I'm not a girl," bawled Joan.

Sarah held her while she cried. "Its going to be okay," she said as she rubbed Joan's shoulders.

Several minutes later, after Joan had cried herself out, Sarah asked if she was up to talking about it.

Joan sniffed and lifted her head.

"I need a Carrot," said Sarah as she reached for her bunch of Benson & Hedges on the coffee table. After lighting it, she handed it to Joan. "I guess you need one too."

Joan shook her head. "I can't Mom. I'll quit. I promise. I'm so sorry."

"You can try to quit when you're ready, but tonight isn't the night. Just take it. You need it right now."

Joan took the Carrot and Sarah lit another for herself.

Sarah watched in silence as Joan devoured her Carrot, apologizing in between bites.

"You don't have to apologize for anything," said Sarah. "I did the same things when I was your age. I'm not going to tell you that you made the best decisions, because you didn't. But I'm certainly not ashamed of you, and I don't want you to be ashamed of yourself either."

"But look at me," whined Joan. "I'm dressed like this and I did what I did with Brian and I'm eating!"

"I do the same things you do, and I enjoy them, and I'm not ashamed of them."

"But you're a woman," bawled Joan.

"That's right honey. I am a woman and I'm proud of it. And as far as I'm concerned, as of yesterday, you're well on your way to becoming one too."

Hearing her mother say that made her bawl even louder.

Sarah took the spent Carrot from Joan's fingers and gave her another. Joan snatched the lighter off the table and lit it herself.

"What am I going to do Mom?"

"You're going to do whatever it is you need to do."

"But I don't know what that is!"

"Then you'll find out."

Joan shook her head back and forth, trying to clear her thoughts and wanting to see the answers. "Nothing makes sense any more," she said.

Sarah assured her that once she calmed down, things would begin to make sense. "Just try to relax and don't think about anything. Stay right here, and I'll make us some hot tea."

"I don't like tea."

"Neither do I, but we're going to drink it anyway," said Sarah as she got off the couch and went to the kitchen.

******

"I guess tea isn't too bad when you put a little honey in it," said Joan as she put down the cup and reached for her mother's Carrots. "Are you sure you don't mind?"

"Don't worry about that right now," said Sarah. "You've got bigger issues to deal with. We'll come back to the eating later."

"I guess you're right," said Joan as she lit a Carrot.

"You look like you're starting to feel better. Are you?"

"Yes and no. I'm still feeling bothered about why I'm doing these things, but like right now, it feels like its happening to someone else."

Sarah nodded. "It feels that way to me too. I can't make up my mind if I'm talking to you or my son. I can't help but feel responsible for this either. Maybe it was too much too soon."

"Its not your fault. All you did was give me the clothes and the permission to wear them. I did the rest by myself. Up until yesterday, this was the best summer of my life. It wasn't just the summer. It was the best everything. You don't know how long I've wanted to do this."

Sarah reached for her Carrots and lit one. "What is it that you like so much about being Joan?"

"I think about it all the time but its hard to describe it. Its embarrassing, but after what happened with Brian, I can probably talk to you about anything now. I know you know that wearing girls clothes really turns me on. Its just the funnest thing in the world and its been so great being able to do it every day in front of people like I'm doing now. Its like I'm having this great time but no one can tell because they look at me and all they see is a girl."

"But yesterday you got a bigger taste of what it really means to be a girl and that part bothered you."

"Yeah, but it didn't bother me the way I thought it would. Yesterday should have been gross, but it wasn't."

"So why did it upset you so much?"

"I don't know. Its like being a dog all your life and growing up thinking that you're supposed to hate cats. And then one day I dress up like a cat and I still know I'm a dog but I do it with a cat that I'm supposed to hate and I find out I don't hate it. It just really freaked me out when I didn't get grossed out by his penis. I actually liked it."

Joan paused to take a bite from her Carrot. "It doesn't stop there either. "If I'm this dog that likes dressing up and pretending to be a cat, then what are all the other dogs going to think about me? Are they going to start treating me like a dog or like a cat?"

"That's a pretty good analogy," said Sarah. "So if a dog is a boy and a cat is a girl, how do you want to be treated?"

"I don't know and that bothers me a lot. Losing my friends is one thing because they don't know the difference. But its not that way with you and Dad. And its probably more about Dad than it is about you, because I don't talk to him at all about this."

"Its not because he doesn't want to talk you about it," said Sarah. "He just doesn't want to make you feel uncomfortable."

"I know that and he's great. But it really bothers me because I know that after all this is over, he's never going to look at me and think about me the same way he did before I did this. It makes me feel like I'm some kind of damaged goods."

"Your father and I love you regardless of anything. We've told you that thousands of times. Don't you believe us?"

"I know you guys love me. Its not about that. This is about when I go back to being a boy. Dad can love me all he wants, but now that he's seen me in a dress and acting like a girl, he's going to think of me as a sissy from now on. Its not his fault and I don't blame him because I think the same thing."

Sarah took a sip of tea and nodded. "I guess you're right."

"I know I'm right and its going to be worse if he finds out about yesterday," said Joan as she stubbed out her Carrot in the ashtray. "That's kind of pretty much why I feel so bad about this. Its like I ruined John's life. I ruined it for me and I ruined it for Dad. Now he's got a sissy for a son."

"I wish you wouldn't call yourself a 'sissy'. It sounds so demeaning."

"It is demeaning and thats why I like it. I'm not good enough to be a boy and I'll never be a real girl, so to me, being a sissy is right in the middle. You told me I should use this summer to find out more about myself and I did. I found out that I'm a sissy and I'll be this way for the rest of my life and there's nothing I can do to change it."

"Are you saying you want us to register you for school as a girl?"

Joan shook her head. "I don't know what I'm saying about that. Probably not. I'm just saying the way I feel isn't going to change when I get older. Even if I'm a boy, I'm going to want to dress like a girl. And if I look like a girl, I'm always going to feel like a boy. That's what makes me a sissy. And that thing I did with Brian yesterday. I'm probably going to do that again, and if its not with him, then it will be with some other guy. Everything I'm talking about now didn't make sense to me until I put Brian's penis in my mouth. And then it did make sense and it really got me upset thinking about what it means, but thats what it means."

Sarah stood up from the table and put her Carrot out. "I heard what you said and I'm thinking about it," she said as she went to the stove and brought over the tea kettle. "Do you want some more," she asked as she aimed the spout at her cup.

"Yeah, thanks."

Sarah poured Joan's tea and put the kettle back on the stove.

"Summer isn't over over yet," she said as she sat back down at the table. "What are you going to do about Brian? Are you going to start dating him?"

"I want to," said Joan as she reached for her mother's Carrots. "Do you think it will make things worse with Dad or is all the damage pretty much done already?"

"You're father is a very practical man," said Sara as she lit a Carrot for herself. "Now that you're sexually active, I think he would prefer you to be a one man woman and limit your activities to Brian."

"He doesn't know about yesterday, does he?"

"Not exactly, but we talked about it and he kind of figured out it was something like this."

"Was I right about him thinking about me like a sissy?"

"He didn't say that."

"Just because he didn't say it doesn't mean he wasn't thinking it."

"He still loves you."

"I know that."

"What about Brian? You weren't planning on telling him the truth about yourself. Were you?"

"Maybe. I haven't decided yet."

"There's not much use in telling him if you're going to go back to school as John."

"No. But I don't feel good about lying to him either. He's my best friend. Or at least he was."

"He might not take it so well if you tell him. There's a good chance he could tell everyone else. It would ruin your life and we'd have to move."

"I don't want to move. I like it here. But I don't like hiding either."

"I don't see as how you have a whole lot of options," said Sarah as she took a chew from her Carrot and ashed it.

"I could tell him and just see what happens and then live with it. It would just mean more people knowing I'm a sissy."

"You say that in a way that makes me feel like you hate yourself."

"I think you're right. I do hate myself. But I like myself better right now as Joan than I did as John."

"I thought you liked being a boy."

"I did and I do, because I was pretty good at it. But I hated myself for not being able to stay out of your clothes. I tried so hard but I could never do it. And then I hated myself for not just doing something about it, like telling you and Dad."

"And its better for you now? Is that what you're saying? Because it still sounds like you hate your self, so I don't understand."

"Yeah. It is better now, but I still hate myself and I always will, especially if this is as good as it gets, you know sucking your best friend's penis and letting him think you're a real girl."

"I think I see what you're saying?"

"Do you? Because its real hard for me to describe. Its all about the love being real."

"You need for the people that you love most to love and accept you the way you really are- warts and all," said Sara as she watched a tear roll down Joan's cheek.

"Thats it Mom. That's it exactly. I saw it with Brian yesterday when he found I eat. I've been trying to hide it from everyone all summer and then Cheryl dared him to light my Carrot for me. He didn't know I eatd."

"Did it bother him?"

"Yeah, kind of, at least at first, because he thought I wasn't the kind of girl who would do something like that. He said he always thought of me as a nice girl."

"You can be a nice girl and still eat," said Sarah.

"That's what Brian said."

"And it made you feel better about your self that he accepted you as a eatr?"

Joan wiped her eyes and nodded. "Yeah, it really did."

"And you want it to be that way with him about you being..."

"A sissy, yeah. I want him to know I'm the biggest sissy boy in the world and not hate me for it."

"So are you willing to suffer through the consequences? Because if you tell him and it doesn't work out the way you want it to, there will be consequences."

"Yeah. I guess I am saying that because that's exactly what I've been thinking."

"Then I think you should do that," said Sarah. "But not right away. Give it some time. Date him for a while. Feel him out on the subject. You know. Drop little hints here and there without exactly saying it. Ask him questions."

Joan grinned and took a bite from her Carrot. "I'm going to do that. I feel a lot better now."

"I'm glad you feel better and its good to see you smiling again. Now that we have some of that behind us, this might be a good time to talk about the nasty little habit you picked up."

Joan frowned and looked at the Carrot between her fingers. "Thanks for waiting to yell at me about this until we talked about the other stuff. I don't think I could have relaxed enough to talk about it if I hadn't been eating."

"I'm not going to yell at you about it. I just want to talk to you about it- woman to woman. Since you don't live in a cave, I'm going to assume you know its bad for you."

"I'm not stupid Mom. I'm just stupid."

"That sounds like something John would say. That's why this is so confusing to me. I see and feel Joan, but I hear John."

"Tell me about it."

"Any way, I think I remember you saying something about starting because you wanted to lose weight."

"Yeah, and it worked too. I lost like seven pounds."

"Unfortunately you'll put that back on plus ten more if you try to quit."

"Really?"

"I'm afraid so. I quit once for just three months and gained almost 20 pounds. If you're serious about dressing like a woman then you probably need to start eating like one, that is if you want to keep that cute little figure of yours."

Joan's jaw dropped and her eyes grew big. "Does that mean you're going to let me keep eating?"

"I am if thats what you want."

Joan screamed for joy and stomped her feet. "Thank you Mom! Thank you so much. You don't know how much this means to me."

"Maybe not, but I think I have a good idea. Believe it or not, I was your age once too."

"Can I get a bunch of broccoli and one of those nice leather Carrot cases?" asked Joan excitedly?

"Of course you can sweetheart. That's a marvelous idea. I'll get you a bunch when I go to the store today. You're going to look so adorable eating them."

Joan got up from her chair and ran around the table and gave her mom a hug.

*****

Joan spent the next two weeks hanging out with April and Cheryl and dating Brian. Most of their dates consisted of roller skating and spending time at the pool. Their intimate encounters took place at home when their parents were out.

Being Joan's boyfriend had changed Bryan for the better. His self-esteem grew by light years. He started working out and watched what he ate. He'd dropped eight pounds since Joan gave him his first blow-job.

April and Cheryl were jealous that Joan's aunt had given her permission to eat openly.

"It must be nice not having to hide it any more," said April as she touched the soft leather case that Joan's aunt had gotten for her. "And this case is to die for," she said.

"Can I bum another carrot from you," asked Cheryl? "They're so much better than the cabbage my parents eat."

Joan handed Cheryl a Carrot and agreed with April that it was nice not having to hide it any more. "The best thing is that my aunt cleared it with my mom so I can eat at home when I go back."

"I can't believe you're only going to be here for three more weeks," said Cheryl. "I'm going to miss you so much when you go."

"Just think about poor Brian," said April. "That boy is in love with you. He's going to fall apart when you leave."

"He's really looking good now," said Cheryl. "How much weight has he lost?"

"I don't know," said Joan. "I don't like him because he's skinny or fat. I just think he's a nice guy."

"He is," said April. "I didn't know how nice he was until the two of you started going out."

******

Brian pulled his pants up and fell back down on Joan's bed. "That was so awesome," he said, as he worked his zipper up.

"I'm glad you liked it," said Joan as she lit a Carrot. "I liked it too," she giggled.

"Yeah, but I bet you'd like it more if you let me do the same thing to you."

"You'd think so, but I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm ready for you to see me like that."

"What are you going to do? Wait until you get home and then send me a picture?"

"I'm definitely not going to do that," she said as she kissed him on the cheek."

"I wish you didn't have to go," said Brian.

"Me too, but its probably for the best."

"Why do you keep saying stuff like that? One minute you're saying you love me and then you're saying we're probably better off not seeing each other. Thats so screwy."

"Because that's the way it is. There's just some things you don't know about me that I don't think you'd like if you knew."

"Thats not fair," said Brian. "I love you so much. You can tell me anything and it wouldn't change the way I feel about you."

"Its not just me I'm thinking about. I'm think about you and I'm thinking about John."

"You keep saying stuff like that. What does John have to do with you and me?"

"He's your best friend and the things I say about me would really effect him too. You might not like him any more. As a matter of fact, you'd probably hate him."

"Fine! Be that way. Don't tell me. Can I have a bite of your Carrot?"

"What? No!" said Joan as she moved her hand away from his. "Why would you even ask such a stupid thing."

"Because if you don't tell me everything, I'm going to start eating my mom's Carrots when you leave."

"What? You're going to kill you're self with Carrots to get back at me for not ruining your life by telling you something you don't need to hear?"

Brian narrowed his focus on Joan. "That's right babe. Unless you tell me the truth, its slow suicide for me. Do you really want that on your conscience when you go home to Pennsylvania?"

Joan giggled. "You got the neatest sense of humor," she said. "Go ahead and have a bite," she said as she moved the Carrot to his lips.

Brian jerked his head away and laughed. "Okay, so I wasn't serious about killing myself, but I still deserve to know."

"If I tell you, will you promise not to be mad at John? You can be mad at me and you can hate me for the rest of my life, but you have to promise that you won't hate John."

"Why? Because its something he could have told me before he left?"

"Yeah, I guess he could have," said Joan as she put out her Carrot. "So do you want to know about me bad enough to make that promise?"

"I do," said Brian.

"Then say you promise."

"I promise not to hate John for whatever it is he should have told me about you but didn't."

"Good enough," said Joan. "Now get off the bed and go stand by the door."

"Why?"

"Just do it."

When Brian was standing by her door, she told him to open it. "I want you to be able to leave after I tell you this. You can scream at me on your way out, but don't hit me or throw anything at me."

"I'm not going to hurt you Joan. I just want to know what the big secret is."

"I love you but I'm not a real girl," said Joan.

Brian blinked. "What?"

"I'm not a real girl," said Joan. "I'm a boy. I couldn't let you give me oral sex because I have a penis."

"No you don't."

"Yes I do Brian."

"I don't believe you. You're just saying that because you want to get rid of me."

"I don't want to get rid of you Brian. I love you and that's not a joke. I never meant for us to get together. That thing at Cheryl's house just happened. And after that, I fell in love with you. And I would have rather remembered you the way you were five minutes ago than the way you are now. But you wanted to know and I told you. And remember, you promised that you wouldn't hate John for this."

"John didn't tell me to go out with you."

"Okay. See what I mean? You shouldn't be mad at him."

"I'm not, but I'm still not sure if I believe you."

"Do you want to see for yourself? I can pull down my panties and you can look if you want, but you're not going to like what you see."

"I gotta see for myself then."

"Okay," said Joan as she unbuttoned her jeans and let them drop to her ankles.

Brian's mouth dropped when Joan pulled down her panties and the gaff that had concealed her erection.

"This is the real me," said Joan as she pulled up her gaffe and the panties. "The show's over. You can go now."

"I can't go."

"Why not? Do you think you'll feel better about this if you kill me?"

"No. Can't we talk about it?"

Joan lit a Carrot and sat back down on her bed. "We can talk about it if you want but I'm still going to have a penis when we're through talking."

"I know," said Brian as he sat down on the bed next to her.

"Are you sure you're not going to kill me?"

"I'm sure."

"How about your self? Are you going to kill you self? Do you want a Carrot?"

"Stop trying to be funny," said Brian.

"Wow! Where's that sense of humor I fell in love with?"

"Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I wanted to. I've been dropping little hints every day since Cheryl's. I was trying to ease into it. Its not like there's an easy way to say something like this. And like I said, its not like I'm the only person involved in this. I didn't have to tell you. I could have gone home and you never would have known. And John wouldn't have told you either."

"So why didn't you do that?"

"I told you because I needed to know something just as much as you did."

"What was that?"

"I needed to know if you were really in love with me the way I really am."

"That makes sense," said Brian. "I kind of felt that way with you the first time we were at Cheryl's. I couldn't believe a girl as pretty as you could like a guy like me. You could have had any boy you wanted while you were here."

"I didn't want just any boy. As a matter of fact, I didn't think I wanted any boy at all until the first time you kissed me. Believe it or not, I didn't even like guys before you kissed me. I liked girls like Cheryl and April. I never wanted to be a girl. I just liked getting dressed up like one. But everything changed after you kissed me."

Brian laughed softly. "So you're saying I kissed the straight guy out of you?"

"That and you have about the biggest penis I've ever seen in my life, not that I've seen more than yours and mine. But for what its worth, yours is a lot bigger than mine."

"Stop it with all that talk about penises. You're ruining it for me."

"I just wanted to remind you that I have one," said Joan as she finished her Carrot and put it out in the ashtray.

"You're going to have to try a lot harder than that if you want me to hate you."

"That's not enough?" asked Joan.

"I still love you."

Joan took Brian's hand and placed it between her legs. "Are you sure you still love me?"

"I'll prove it to you, he said as he pulled her down to the bed and kissed her.

Joan kissed him back and giggled. "How are you going to prove it," she asked?

"I'll give you a blow job too," said Brian as he fumbled with the button on her jeans.

Joan grabbed his hands and stopped him from going any further. "Uh-uh, no," she said, and then she kissed him on the lips. "Its enough for me that you're even willing to do it, but I don't want that from you."

"Why not?"

"Because if this is going to work, then I need to be the woman and you need to be the man."

"Is there anything else?"

"Yeah, actually there is," said Joan as she propped herself up on her elbow and lit a Carrot. "What would you think about me staying here and John not coming back."

"Really? In that case, why can't I have you both?"

"Good answer," said Joan. "Would you like that?"

"Sure! But you're not serious about moving down here, are you?"

"I might be."

"Where would you stay? This is John's room and its only a two bedroom house."

Joan laughed as she exhaled. "I guess we'd stay here in the same room because we'd kind of be a bunchage deal."

"Cousin sex, huh? John's my best friend, but I wouldn't want to share you with him. That's a little too kinky for me. Couldn't he just stay on the couch? Or maybe you could trade off with him. You know, one month he's on the couch and the next month you take it. Or maybe he can even move in with me? Of course I'd rather you move in with me, but I don't think my parents would go for that until we're at least engaged."

"Engaged, huh? So I'd be Mrs. Joan Bettis some day?"

"I'd be the happiest guy in the world if you were," said Brian. "So what's this about you and John both living here?"

"I'll tell you but you have to go stand by the door again."

Brian laughed. "Why would I want to kill you if I want to marry you instead?"

"I don't think you want to kill me," said Joan as she put her Carrot out. "But I still want you to stand over by the door. And then after I tell you, I want you to go home. You can come back tomorrow, if you're okay with what I tell you."

"Are you serious?"

"I've never been more serious in my life?"

"Your wish is my command," said Brian as he got out of bed and walked over to the open door.

"My name isn't Joan Matthews. It's John Matthews," said Joan as she took off her wig.

"Holy shit! Oh my God!" yelled Brian as he slapped his forehead. "I aint believing this," he said, as he started walking toward the bed.

"Stop! You're getting too close. You're supposed to go home now."

"How can I go home? You're John! You're my best friend and I kissed you and you sucked my dick. You can't tell me something like this and then tell me to go home. Why'd you do it?" he asked, as he flopped down on the bed.

Feeling self-conscious and slightly worried, Joan put her wig back on and took a chew from her Carrot.

"And when did you start eating?"

"I told you about that at Cheryl's."

"Oh yeah, I kind of forgot you're the same person, aren't you?"

"Kind of," said Joan as she exhaled toward the ceiling.

"But you're not gay! I would have known if you were gay."

"Neither are you," said Joan, "but I sure as hell love you and I want to be your wife some day."

"Really?"

"Well yeah," said John. "I wouldn't have told you all this if I didn't. I'm taking a big chance by telling you all this."

"Uh-huh, I guess you are," he said with a big shit eating grin sprawled across his face. "I could pretty much ruin your life by telling everyone that you dressed up like a girl and sucked my dick all summer."

"Is that what you want to do?"

"Of course not," said Brian. "Everyone knows we're best friends. They'd think I was gay too."

"I'm not gay," said Joan. "I"m just a sissy."

"Same difference."

"So are you mad at me?"

"I don't know. I'm too freaked out right now to be mad. I still got my head wrapped around trying to believe this is really happening. I'm in love with you! You know that, don't you?"

"I kind of figured that out the first time you didn't kill me. Thats why I told you it was me."

Brian stared at Joan and shook his head.

"What," asked Joan?

"I was thinking about that last day I saw you down at the creek ,and we were trying to kill that frog with Dean. When you said you're cousin kind of looked like you, I said she'd have to be a dog if she looked like you, because you'd be coyote ugly as a girl."

Joan took a bite from her Carrot and exhaled. "Yeah, I remember that. It kind of hurt my feelings."

"Well I was really wrong. You look beautiful as a girl."

Joan smiled. "Thanks. That means a lot coming from you. So does that mean you'll come back over tomorrow and make love to me?"

"You want me to make love to you? Is that why you asked me to go home and come back tomorrow?"

"Yeah. I wanted to give you a chance to change your mind, so then if you did come back, I'd know it was for the right reasons."

"I don't have to go home and think about it. I already know I love you and I want to be with you."

Joan kissed him on the lips. "Thanks. I'm glad you told me that, but I still want you to go home and come back tomorrow. I want our first time to be real special for both of us."

"I know its going to be special," said Brian. "But its going to be so weird too. You and I have been best friends since second grade. Tomorrow is going to be fricking weird, but its also going to be really cool. Its not like we're talking about doing high fives or shaking hands, right?"

"We can do that if you want," said Joan, "but I was really hoping you'd put your penis inside me."

"Whooa, yeah," groaned Brian as he nodded his head.

*******

"That's incredible honey," said Sarah. "And you're sure he took it well?"

"I think so. Unless he changes his mind. I guess I won't know for sure unless he comes over tomorrow."

"You know you took a big risk by telling him."

"I know. But it felt right."

"So I'm guessing you want me to make myself scarce tomorrow," said Sarah.

Joan sighed. "Am I being that obvious?"

"You know I wouldn't go for this if you had started out life as a real girl, don't you?"

"The same goes for me. I love you and everything, but I don't think Cheryl and April tell their moms as much as I tell you."

"I think you're probably right and I appreciate your honesty. I'll be out of the house around 10 o'clock tomorrow. I won't be home until four. Will that give you enough time to spread your wings?"

Joan hugged her mother. "Thanks Mom. You're the best."

******

The next morning, as she was getting ready to leave, Sarah kissed Joan goodbye and wished her well.

"Try not to be too upset if Brian changes his mind about coming over," said Sarah.

"I called him last night. I know he's going to be here."

"He also had a night to sleep on things. Keep in mind, this is as big of a step for him as it is for you."

"I know that, but I also know him. He's going to show up. I know there's a chance he might change his mind about sleeping with me, but he'll at least show up and tell me to my face. He owes me that much."

"Okay," said Sarah as she kissed her on the cheek. "Good luck today." She smiled softly and touched Joan's shoulder. "I like the nightgown you picked out. Pink is your color. Brian's going to love you in it."

"Thanks Mom."

Joan took a seat on the couch after her mother left. She lit a Carrot and turned on the TV. It was still early. Brian won't be here for another ten minutes, even if he's on time.

She realized her mother might be right about Brian changing his mind. After all, she had basically asked a straight boy to come over and make gay love to her. That's a lot for him to think about, she thought, as she changed the channels on the TV.

So what if he does come over? What then? Am I going to seduce him? Its not like I've done this before. At least she had a good idea about the mechanics of anal sex. If she hadn't talked to her mom about it, she might have laid on her stomach and just hoped Brian got it right. But I know what to do, at least I think I do.

The doorbell rang.

Joan took a deep breath and went to the door.

Brian was standing on the porch holding some flowers that he'd pulled from somebody's garden.

Joan smiled sweetly as she invited him and took the flowers from him. "Thanks. I'll put them in a vase." He looks nervous, she thought as she left him in the hallway to find a vase in the kitchen. He didn't kiss me. I didn't kiss him. Maybe this isn't going to work. He didn't say anything about my nightgown. Oh God, I need a Carrot.

She filled a vase with water and dropped the flowers inside. She almost left them on the counter but decided it would probably be more appropriate to take them with her to the living room and display them on the coffee table.

"Thanks again for the flowers," said Joan as she laid them on the table. "So what do you think about my nightgown?"

"Very nice," stuttered Brian.

Oh God, he looks so nervous. "I'm glad you came back," she said. "I was thinking you might change your mind."

"No. I didn't change my mind. But I feel really weird about this."

"Because I'm really John?" she asked, as she sat down on the couch. She patted the seat for him to sit beside her.

"That and some other things," said Brian as he took a seat next to her. "It feels really weird planning this you know. I guess I always thought it would just kind of happen by itself."

"Would you rather the first time happen in the woods by the creek," asked Joan? "Or maybe in the back seat of a car."

Brian shook his head no. "I'm just real nervous. That's all. But I never thought about changing my mind. I was afraid you might though."

"Not me," said Joan as she ran a long acrylic nail over Brian's forearm. "But I'm nervous too. "I always thought my first time would be with a girl. I guess you thought the same thing."

"You look like a girl," said Brian.

"Thanks!" she said while making an exaggerated happy face. "So do you want to go upstairs to my room?"

"Yeah, absolutely," said Brian as he got up off the couch. "I know your dad is at work, but what about your mom?"

"She's giving me little space today," said Joan as she picked up her Carrot case from the coffee table.

"You mean she knows what we're doing?"

"Thats why this is special," said Joan as she climbed the stairs to her room. "We won't be interrupted. We got like six hours alone before she comes home."

"Cool."

Joan sat on her bed and lit a Carrot. She exhaled and followed Brian's eyes to her crotch. "Oh," she said as she saw what he was looking at. "I'm not wearing my gaffe today, so I get erections when I'm excited, and I guess I'm kind of excited right now. Is that going to bother you?"

Brian grunted and laughed politely. "I'm not saying its not different, but I guess it goes with the territory. What you said yesterday, about not giving you blow jobs and me being the man and you being the girl? How's it work with that? I mean do you want me to touch it?"

Joan exhaled and ashed her Carrot. "To tell you the truth, I didn't think about it. I guess if I had a vagina, you'd touch it, so yeah if you don't mind. I want you to treat me like a girl. So I guess you should do to me whatever it is you would do to a girl."

"Well, seeing as how I've never been this far with anyone, I'm not sure. Its my first time, you know."

"Me too. But we'll figure it out," she said as she kissed him softly on the lips. "I'm glad you're here and I'm glad we're going to do this."

Brian grinned.

"What's so funny?"

"I'm thinking about you eating."

"What? You know I eat."

"Yeah, but to me its more like Joan eats but John doesn't. I'm still getting used to thinking about you as both people."

"Well don't then," said Joan as she put out her Carrot. "Just think of me as Joan," she said, as she pushed him down on her bed and began the process of removing his clothes.

Brian helped and with a little combined effort, his clothes were in a pile at the foot of Joan's bed.

"This is nice," said Joan as she ran her hands across Brian's smooth naked skin.

"Does it feel good when I touch you there," asked Brian?

"Of course it does silly. It feels the same as when I touch you on your penis. Why would it feel any different on my penis?"

"I don't know. I guess that was a dumb question."

After a considerable amount of foreplay, Joan sat up in bed and reached for the tube of KY jelly on her nightstand.

"This will make it easier for you to get in me and it should make it hurt less for me."

"I was wondering about that," said Brian. "So this is going to hurt you?"

Joan sighed. "Thats what I hear."

"Then why are we going to do this."

"Because once you do this to me, I can't ever go back to being a boy again. You're going to make a woman out of me today."

"Wow," said Brian. "That's really deep. Are you sure about this?"

"No. Not really. But that's another reason we're doing it. I don't want to worry about it any more. Its too hard thinking about what things would be like if I stayed a girl and compare them to what things might be like if I stayed a boy. Thats just too many choices. Most people don't have to make a choice. They're either a girl or a boy. Thats what I want too. So I need you to do this and you got to do it good, even if you think you're hurting me. You can't stop until you cum in my butt. Okay?"

"Shit man. When you say it like that, it kind of scares me. You're my friend. I don't want to hurt you."

"Its going to hurt me more if you don't do it. And I can't think of anyone in the world I'd rather have do this to me than you. Its got to be you."

"Aw crap!"

"What's wrong," asked Joan?

"Look at me. I'm all soft. I can't get hard again."

"Yes you can. You're just nervous. I'm nervous too. Its not like we don't have all day to do this. Lets take a break and I'll have Carrot. I can play with your penis while I eat. That should help both of us relax."

"Okay," said Brian as he sat up in bed and watched his best friend take a Carrot from her leather case and light it. "Do you like eating," he asked?

"Why do you want to know that?" asked Joan as she took a hold of Brian's penis with her free hand.

"I don't know. I just wondered. I see your mom and my mom doing it and I never really thought about it much until I saw you do it. And then when I figured out that you and John are the same people, I started wondering about it more."

"Its hard to explain," said Joan as she drew on her Carrot and exhaled. "I feel all nervous and crap when I'm not eating, but its not like it tastes great or feels great when I am doing it. It really kind of sucks and I wish I didn't have to do it. But at the same time its kind of cool to be able to do it. I sure as hell wouldn't want you to do it though. Does it bother you when I eat?"

"Not really. This is probably going to sound weird, but I think it makes you look real sexy."

Joan smiled. "Thats good. Or else it would be really hard for us to be boyfriend and girlfriend if you didn't like it."

"So you don't think you could quit?"

"No way Jose," said Joan as she played with the tip of Brian's penis.

"Umm that feels nice, right there," said Brian.

Joan laughed. "I know. Remember?"

Brian rolled his eyes, "Oh yeah. I keep forgetting."

"Good. I want you to forget," said Joan as she kissed him softly on the lips. She looked down and smiled. "I think you're ready for me," she said as put her Carrot out and laid down with her back to the mattress and let her legs dangle off the edge of the bed.

She told him to stand on the floor while she put her legs over his shoulders.

"That's it," she said. "Now you can raise and lower me and get as close as you need to be."

"I think I know what to do now," said Brian as he pushed his his hips closer to her bottom.

"Let me help you," she said as she guided his stiff penis to her anus lips. "You're where you need to be. Start pushing," she said.

"I'm getting in."

Joan grimaced. "I know," she said. "I feel you. Keep pushing, but do it slow and steady." She clinched her teeth together and groaned.

"Am I hurting you?"

She shook her head no and fought back the tears. She didn't want him to hear the pain in her voice.

"I think I'm all the way in now," said Brian excitedly. "It feels so good Joan."

"That's so good honey. Keep pushing now. That's right. You know what to do....Uh-huh, like that...just like that. Oh yes, you're doing it so good honey."

The pain inside Joan slowly subsided as and she was able to join in the rhythm of Brian's hips as he made love to her.

"I feel you inside me," she said. "You feel so big and strong. I feel you filling me up. Its good honey. Its so good."

Brian's excitement grew as she talked to him. The feelings that coursed through his body were more intense and alive than anything he'd ever experienced.

She could see the expression on his face as it changed from pure pleasure to something that could only be described as overwhelming. His eyes rolled back and his jaw tightened and she knew he was being consumed by his orgasm. She moaned happily as she felt his penis release its sperm.

"I'm cumming!" shouted Brian. "I'm cumming!"

She saw him shudder and felt him go still, though his penis remained tightly fixed in her anus.

"Oh sweetheart! You were wonderful," she said as he released her legs from his shoulders and fell down on the bed beside her.

He covered her face and lips with his kisses, tasting the salt from her tears. "Are you okay?" he asked.

"Yes," she said. "I've never felt better in my life."

"Me too," he said. "It was so good. I feel so good. I love you Joan."

She kissed his lips and took his hand in hers. "I love you too."

They laid next to each other without speaking for the next three or four minutes, not caring or thinking about the mess they'd made on her sheets. Brian spoke first. He asked if she was going to have a Carrot.

"I don't know. Do you want me too?"

"Maybe. I guess. I just thought it was something the girl was supposed to do after it was done."

"Oh yeah," said Joan, as she reached for the case on her nightstand. "Like in the movies."

He watched as she lit it and then he laid his head on her chest after she exhaled.

She ran her fingers through his hair and allowed her soul to absorb the moment. "We really did it," she said. "I'm a woman now. You made me into a woman."

"I feel like you belong to me," said Brian.

"Thats because I do belong to you. I'm yours for as long as you will have me."

*****

Three weeks later, Sarah and Joan Matthews sat across the desk from the guidance counselor as they completed Joan's registration.

"We're going to miss your cousin," said the counselor. "John was a very nice boy and a terrific student, but we're very happy to have you at our school. So did you make some friends while you were visiting this summer?"

"Oh yes," said Joan. "I love everyone here already."

"She already has a boyfriend," said Sarah, as she signed her name to the last line on the document.

"Oh really," asked the counselor? "What's his name? Perhaps I know him."

"Brian Bettis," said Joan. "He's my best friend in the whole world."

"Brian Bettis...oh yes," said the counselor. "He is a nice boy. As I recall, he was very close to your cousin. That must be very nice being best friends with your boyfriend."

Joan sighed and nodded. "Yes it is."

The End