Saturday Afternoon
Harry was relaxing on a Saturday afternoon, the recliner tilted back, the cat in his lap and a good novel in his hands. His wife Carmen was out shopping, leaving Harry a very contented man. So content that the good novel was resting upside down on the cat, who was sprawled across Harry's lap in a posture that only a trusting feline could find comfortable.

In fact, Harry was so damn comfortable that the only reaction when Carmine came back home was one lazy cat's eye opening and then closing after being assured that her other servant had finally returned to tend to her needs.

Now Carmine, as a loving wife and helpmate, knew that Harry worked hard to bring home the bacon - not to mention the occasional steak or lobster tail - but she also knew that Harry would be tossing and turning all over the mattress about 2AM if he slept too much longer. Taking the cat's tail, she gently tickled Harry's nose with its bushy fur. The cat, Gina by name, opened both eyes and fixed her wayward servant with a glare that should have melted the ceramic tiles on the Space Shuttle at this unwonted familiarity.

But Carmine was made of stern stuff, no mere feline glower would allow her to allow Harry to disturb her night's rest. A second pass of the furry appendage produced a prodigious sneeze, which in turn produced a Richter four convulsion of Harry's lap. Sensing a plot by her servants to overthrow her rightful place in the order of the household, Gina levitated, rotated her body 180° in mid-air, fully extended all twenty needle sharp claws and launched herself through the air and across the room in a maneuver that would have made any Space Shuttle pilot green with envy.

Mission accomplished. Harry was awake.

Harry was also bleeding.

"Wha! Who? Aargh!"

"Oh Darling! I'm so sorry! That didn't quite go as I had intended."

"Huh?"

Go ahead - you try and talk coherently after being awakened from a perfectly satisfying summer afternoon nap by an enraged feline.

"I just wanted to let you know I was back, Harry."

"I can see your front, so your back must be nearby as well."

"Your logic is perfectly sound."

"Come closer, I want experimental proof."

"Mmmmm."

"Yup, your backside is certainly there."

"Unhand me sir!"

"A shame you're not wearing a skirt, checking out your backside would be so much more rewarding."

"I suppose that could be arranged."

"Actually, I had planned on disarranging your clothing."

"Are we talking disarranged or simply deranged here?"

"You're full of questions today."

"Actually, I did have a question for you."

"And…"

"Well, Marge found some, uh, interesting magazines under Jason's mattress yesterday…"

"Playboy? Penthouse? Hustler? Or something really kinky?"

"She didn't say. You seem awfully familiar with such magazines, Harry."

"Hey! I was once a horny teenage boy. Of course I've studied such magazines closely. It's a rite of passage for any boy."

"These things weren't Playboy. They didn't even have any words to read so you could tell people you were reading it for the intellectual content."

"I never bought that one even when I was a horny teenage boy."

"So how did an intelligent but horny teenage boy find such things?"

"Monkey Ward and Sears Roebuck."

"They didn't sell books, let alone such magazines."

"They didn't sell 'em, they gave 'em away."

"Harry!"

"The catalogs, sweetie. They were chock full of women in their underwear. These days you can see illustrations of women in bras and panties in the local newspaper, that is if you still have a local newspaper in your town. Back then you couldn't show a married couple in bed together on TV, let alone a lady in a brassiere on the inside of a newspaper."

"Times sure have changed."

"Indubitably. Playboy broke the 'pubic hair barrier,' Penthouse started printing soft to medium porn and then Hustler pole vaulted over whatever barriers the so-called decent folks tried to prop up."

"So you got your rocks off looking at scantily dressed women on black-and-white catalog pages?"

"I was too young to get my rocks off back then. I looked because my older brother looked. He looked because the old man looked. I was young enough that I didn't even understand what a bra was for."

"My, my! I'm trying hard to believe you were once that innocent. You certainly know what a bra is for these days."

"Actually, I learned by direct experiment."

"And just who let you experiment with their bra?"

"Nobody let me, I just fished Alisha's bra out of the hamper and tried it on. I figured out that it had to hold those bumps she had on her chest when the empty cups flapped around on my chest."

"And you were how old?"

"Ten, maybe eleven. Somewhere in there."

"Precocious little bugger, weren't you?'

"Never too early to learn how to unsnap a bra."

"Which brings me back to my original question."

"It does?"

"It does. Some of those pictures were of naked men with erections and breasts."

"I have to admit that's a new one on me."

"Some of those guys certainly needed a bra to hold up their breasts."

"I'm trying to picture it."

"And I'm trying to picture a ten-year-old you wearing a bra."

"At least I wouldn't have had an erection back then."

"The gods are sometimes merciful."

"I suppose if such pictures had been around back when I was a horny teenager I would have probably tried it."

"You would?"

"When you're a horny teenager you'll try anything!"

"And now you're a horny man."

"Maybe we should have a look at those magazines together."

"In your dreams, Harry."

"I suppose you could just strip and I could take some pictures of you with my cellphone. Live is ever so much more interesting than the printed page."

"This conversation is not going where I wanted it to."

"I'm perfectly happy to look at your naked body, no complaints from me."

"Harry!

"A guy can dream, OK?"

"So what should Marge do?"

"My advice? Nothing for now. The few actual scientific studies have shown porn is harmless unless it's connected to violence, so unless she found an AK47 under the mattress I wouldn't worry. Then she should take some time to read about this whole erections and breasts thing and figure out what's really happening. Then she should talk to Jason. Right now I'm glad our kids are grown and we don't have to talk to Rod or Peter about such things."

"Not what I expected, but I guess it makes sense."

 

Later that night, in bed
"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you really wear a bra when you were ten?"

"I really did wear a bra when I was ten."

"When did you stop?"

"Uh…"

"Harry?"

"When I got my first girlfriend."

"Mary Jane Farrow, right?"

"Yup. Never did get her bra off, though."

"You poor thing. So who was the first?"

"You."

"How could we have been married for forty-five years and I never knew that?"

"The subject never came up. Before you ask, I got Sally Konowalski's bra unsnapped but her brother came home. I even snapped it back together because she was so terrified her fingers wouldn't work."

"So gallant! I bet that was frustrating!"

"Tell me about it!"

"You know you weren't my first."

"Doesn't matter to me. I ended up with you so I got the prize."

"It was David Garrison."

"Interesting. How far did he get?"

"His sucking technique sucked."

"Nice turn of phrase, that."

"I was rather glad I had a curfew that night."

"I wonder if our boys ever appreciated having a curfew?"

"They never told me if they did. Uh, Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Somehow I can't get the picture of you wearing a bra out of my head."

"Really?"

"It's stupid, but after seeing those pictures in that magazine I can't get it out of my head."

"Do I have an erection?"

"In my head or right now?"

"In your head. You ought to be able to see what's happening right now."

"I suppose it's a sign from the gods."

"Tell you what… You hop on top and I can watch your bra-less breasts bounce while we screw like rabbits."

 

Sunday Afternoon
"I just talked to Marge and tried to give her some advice."

"We certainly did spend an interesting morning on the computer, didn't we?"

"Well, they do say you can find just about anything on the net. Not that I would have ever thought to search for chicks with dicks, mind you, but I'm a believer!"

"I'm still not sure I believe that last video."

"I didn't tell Marge about that one."

"Was it real or was it Photoshop?"

"I certainly hope it was done by some mad hacker genius."

"Makes a guy with boobs and an erection look almost tame."

"Uh, Harry?"

"Uh, yes?"

"You really like watching my titties bounce?"

"I would say my interest was rather penetrating, wouldn't you?"

"Mmmmmm."

"Too bad I don't have some titties to bounce for you. I do have the erection."

"Looking for an encore? At your age?"

"Hey! Just because I'm about to become a grandfather…"

 

Some Time Later
"Want to know a secret?"

"If you tell than it won't be a secret."

"It can be our secret."

"All right, then."

"While you were demonstrating your penetrating interest I had a vision of you in a bra with your own titties flopping."

"Seriously?"

"Must be the stuff we saw this morning. It was much more… erotic… than picturing you as an ten-year-old in a bra."

"I would hope so! What does it feel like to have your breasts bounce while we make love?"

"I really don't know how to answer. What's your penis feel like when you're in me?"

"I see the problem. No common referent."

"How analytical!"

"Well, I am an analyst. The obvious answer is to buy me a bra and some breast forms, which is about as close I could come without surgery or hormones."

"Too bad there isn't a female equivalent so I could have my question answered. I suppose I'd have to settle for watching your boobies bounce."

"Would that bother you?"

"I don't think so. How big do you want to be?"

"Size counts, eh?"

"Just what I need - a Male Chauvinist Pig with boobs. How big do you want to be."

"I suppose since you're a C, I could be the same."

"You're bigger than me, I think a D would be better."

"The former horny teenager in me is gibbering something like the bigger the better!"

"Oh dear!"

"What?"

"I just had a thought. Wouldn't you love to see Marge's face if she saw you in a bra with D-cups bouncing while you plowed me senseless?"

"It just might be worth selling the house and moving to Timbuktu before she told the entire county what she saw."

"Like I said, our little secret."

"D-cup boobs are not in any way to be considered little!"

"Shall we go bra shopping, my love? The mall is open until six."

"I suppose that's going to let Victoria in our secret. Where will it end?"

 

"Come on, old man. You're moving awful slow."

"The arthritis in my hips is making itself known. Twice in one weekend! We keep this up and we're going to need a selection of marital aids if we hope to reach retirement intact."

"I much prefer your natural marital aid, thank you."

"Maybe I ought to start using rubbers again so the frequent friction doesn't wear it down to a nubbin."

"Judging from the condition of our bed I don't think there was a problem with friction."

"I suppose you're right."

"Can you move yet?"

"Why would I want to try?"

"There are other hungers besides carnal."

"For instance?"

"We could always hit the overpriced snack bar for some carnal corn if you're hungry."

"I don't think the mall allows X-rated flavors."

"We could always stop at Clair's for some of that scented lube if you're still worried about friction."

"Blue Raspberry? It'd match my skin color when I have a heart attack from overexertion."

"Do I get the feeling you're stalling?"

"You're too damn observant."

"Forty-five years, remember?"

"Are you sure this is a good idea?"

"Afraid of a little ole bra?"

"Now that you've given my horns such an effective trimming it does seem a bit absurd."

"We already ordered the forms on line. You're really going to regret it if you don't wear a bra once they're glued on."

"I suppose that means someone will have to measure me so it fits properly?"

"You don't want to look like an ten-year-old in his mother's bra, do you?"

"Heaven forbid! It was my sister's bra, anyway."

"You're going to need a couple of bras, by the way."

"Huh?Why?"

"Sexy for when we are having sex, practical for when we aren't having sex. Maybe we need more than one practical bra since no matter how horny we get we can't spend the entire weekend in bed."

"Another fantasy shot to hell!"

"Take a moment, Ms Analyst, and work out the ramifications of the initial conditions. As of coming home on Friday afternoon you will have a pair of D-cup honkers until Monday morning. With your horns trimmed what logical result will you expect?"

"If I am to be wearing a well-stuffed bra then I will have to find clothing with which to cover said bra unless I want to find myself in the tank with a bunch of less-than-understanding cellmates. Further, the judge will not be amused by my indecent exposure."

"Considering your exposures, they might also invite a fraud charge, I would be very careful in choosing your attire."

"This is getting complicated."

"Life often is. To continue - what logically follows?"

"Wearing a bra implies wearing panties, I suppose. Are pantyhose required for the dress code?"

"Not for a weekend around the house. Although it would turn both our mothers puce with indignation, socks and sneakers with a housedress should suffice."

"If my current attributes hadn't already started her rotating, that last would have my mother spinning in her grave."

"You could go whole hog and let your bra straps show while wearing a sundress."

"I'd be afraid my mother would ask god for a furlough so she could come down and personally send me to hell for dressing like that."

"Should we ask Reverend Martin to vet your outfit?"

"Why not. You could invite him to watch my titties bounce while I'm screwing you. If you're going to do it, do it right!"

"If we keep this nonsense up Victoria will go home in a huff. Onward, my mate, to your first bra fitting. We can go dress shopping on Wednesday."

 

"You're really going to make me do this, aren't you?"

"Make? Who was it was so enamored of my breasts that he wanted to find out what they felt like?"

"I have a rich and varied set of experiences in knowing exactly what your breasts feel like. I do believe that I have located and committed to memory certain erogenous zones that are practically guaranteed to have your nipples popping out like the eraser on a number two pencil."

"How graphic! Yet would you be able to draw any conclusion as to what it feels like to have breasts of your own?"

"Regrettably, yes. Speaking of regrets, I think I'm about to regret the next few minutes."

"Can I help you?"

"Just go ahead and tell the nice lady what you need, Harry."

"On your head be it! I need to get measured for my first bra. There, are you happy now?"

"Of course, sir. Don't be embarrassed, we have quite a few men who enjoy wearing bras, you are by no means alone."

"Really?"

"You have to ask after seeing Josh's photo gallery?"

"Can we just get this over, please?"

"Of course. If you would join me in the changing area?"

"Now there's a descriptive way of putting it!"

"Take it like a big girl, Harriet."

"Please! Anything but Harriet. I'd even settle for a Boy Named Sue."

"Considering the circumstances, how about Vicky?"

"At least it will mean I have personalized undies."

"Get moving, Vicky. The store closes in fifteen minutes."

 

"I guess that wasn't as embarrassing as it could have been. She was very professional."

"She also works on commission. You'll notice you are very well equipped for a weekend woman."

"She was persuasive, wasn't she? The woman must have read my mind for the idle thoughts floating in there and pushed the right buttons."

"What idle thoughts, pray tell?"

"You know how it is when you wake up at about three thirty in the morning and your head won't shut off?"

"I usually wake up around two when that happens."

"So you're lying there and noticing you almost have to pee but it's so warm and cozy you don't have to pee bad enough to get out of bed. That's when I wonder about stupid stuff, like are our kids grossed out thinking about their parents having sex? or did I remember to change the oil in the lawn mower last spring?"

"You did remember, I had to get the oil you spilled out of your jeans."

"I hope I can remember that next time I wake up in the middle of the night. Anyway, one of the idle thoughts I've had is what you must feel about having to wear a bra every day? When it gets hot I can just take off my shirt but you have to keep your breasts covered. Would that be annoying?"

"It does get annoying sometimes, but even though it's technically legal for us to go around bare breasted I've had it drummed deep into my psyche that good girls just don't do that. I just don't think I could do it."

"So you wear a bra when you're in public."

"So I do. I suppose you now have enough bras of your own that you could start wearing one every day and find out what it feels like. Just keep your suitcoat on and nobody would notice. Your tie would cover the bump that cockamamie little bow makes between the cups."

"With D-cup breasts?"

"No silly! Just don't put the forms in. Either that or see about working from home so you can make use of your new underwear."

"Only if I tape over the camera in the laptop."

"I'm sure your co-workers would appreciate your lacy bras. I know I will."

"I wonder if Josh has any idea what trouble he has caused by his taste in porn?"

"Think of it as learning new and different facets of life."

"Does this mean I'm going to have to shave on weekends?"

"You poor baby. Don't forget your pits and your legs."

"Is it too late to take back wondering about how boobs feel?"

"What do you think? We could always check into electrolysis."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"Immensely!"

What happens if we succeed so well that I feel so feminine I can't get it up?"

"Sixty-nine. With you on top so your breasts are dangling over me."

"Oh my aching back!"

"With suddenly having D-cup breasts, I think you can count on that, too."

 

Friday After Work
"You ready, lover?"

"We've spent the whole damned week getting ready. Having no hair on my legs is a really interesting feeling…"

"Was it as sexy as that gal on YouTube made it sound?"

"Distracting, but nice. How do you stand it all the time?"

"I've been shaving my legs for so many decades that I'm immune."

"That's a shame. I hope I don't get too complacent about it."

"Oh? You planning to keep shaving them, then?"

"It's not like I have to shave every day like my face, but as long as it feels so good, why not?"

"Isn't it nice that what beard you have has gone gray? That blue shadow you used to have would be off-putting."

"At least we know better than to shave our crotches. Remember how awful it was when it grew back in."

"Like having sex with a porcupine!"

"Yeah. Made that trip to Paris memorable, anyway."

"I'd just as soon forget all those hours in that crowded plane going back home, though."

"All right, Doctor McCoy, I'm naked and hairless, prepare to attach boobies."

"Have you been binge watching Star Trek again?"

"Aye aye, Captain. Glue phasers armed and ready. Fire away… Damn, that's cold!"

"Dispersion as expected. The glue will be optimal in sixty three seconds."

"Prepare the boobies."

"Where the devil did you put the boobies?"

"They're still in their storage box."

"Which is across the room, isn't it?"

"Should I have Scotty beam them up?"

"We can't afford special effects after all we spent this week. I need to get get them before the glue dries too much… Boobies armed and ready, Captain."

"You may attach when ready, Doctor.

"Attachment commenced."

"Did that damn cat just jump on my chest?

"Hold still or you'll be lopsided."

"We only have one cat, how did two of them land on my chest?"

"Get used to it. You have been boobified. No feline involvement necessary. In fact, I'd be leery about those claws anywhere near your silicone filled boobs."

"I may have to sleep in armor, the cat is not too good at taking direction."

"Neither are some other people I could mention. Now, do you intend to drag me off to the bedroom to test your new boobs or are we going to spend a civilized evening together before giving in to our primal urges."

"I think I need some time to adjust to these babies. Could you hand me my bra, please."

"Very polite. I like that."

"You were right, wearing a bra is much more comfortable with large breasts."

"Remember that the next time you stare at a woman with big bazoobas."

"Please, let's not make this any more annoying than it is already.

 

"Ready for bed, lover?"

"With the way you've been reaching under my skirt all night, I'm ready for anything!"

"Now you know what it feels like when you do that to me."

"No fair, I'm wearing a skirt and you're wearing shorts. The legs are too tight to let me go for the gold."

"Gold? I keep finding an iron bar."

"You don't still have any of those crotchless panties like you used to wear when we were callow youths?"

"Not any more. Should we go visit Victoria tomorrow and get some?"

"You're enjoying this far too much."

"Let's go to bed, lover. I intend to do some serious enjoying."

 

"So was all this worth it?"

"I have to admit those things are pretty realistic. Watching them bounce does add a certain flair to lovemaking, but you're right about having to close your eyes at the high points."

"Getting my rhythm right so my top wasn't zigging while my bottom was zagging took a little practice, but you're right - it does add a certain flair."

"Let's shower, then I can see what you look like in a nightgown."

"I have a question."

"Go ahead…"

"Sometimes you wear panties under your nightgown, sometimes you don't. How do you decide?"

"Let's see… If I'm horny and plan on getting laid I don't. If I had my period - something I no longer have to worry about - I did. If it's cold I like plain cotton panties. If the nightgown is thin and I want to distract you I use something lacy. It all depends."

"My dear, at our age the word depends could have an unfortunate connotation."

"Ouch! Remember that site we saw with sexy teens wearing diapers and sucking pacifiers?"

"I guess some people get turned on by the strangest things. So did getting laid by a man with boobs and an erection turn you on?"

"I was turned on already."

"You're dodging the question."

"Yes, it did."

"Then I guess this was all worth it."

"Let's see how you feel Monday morning."

 

One month later
"You know what, Vicky?"

"It's too early in the morning to know anything."

"Seriously. When you're all put together you make a rather plausible woman. A little more work on your hair and some makeup and you might not have to cover the camera on your laptop."

"It might be worth retiring early to see the look on Vince's face during the next video conference."

"You could take early retirement in what… thirteen months?"

"Just about."

"I've kind of grown to like having
Vicky around on the weekends. Sort of like having two lovers in one."

"Having breasts kinda grows on you."

"No hormones, I wouldn't want any untoward side effects down below. Once you're retired I suppose you could get implants."

"Would you really want Vicky around 24/7?"

"It has possibilities. You're still you as Vicky, but you seem more relaxed, more open."

"I have to agree. I suppose I could start growing my hair on top and get the beard removed over the next year. If you think I could be Vicky in public, then we can decide then."

"Call about electrolysis on Monday, will you?"

"Consider it done."

 

One Year Later
Welcome to Las Vegas, ladies. If you would follow Max he will be pleased to show you to your room. I hope you have a pleasant stay."

"I'm sure we will."

 

"I wonder…"

"Just an idle thought."

"Go ahead, Vicky. What is it?"

"I wonder if they have any interesting magazines under the mattress."