The beginning, Sarah book 1 part 1

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Sarah, Part 1

As I slid down the embankment. Was I safe? I thought. Breathing hard, I didn't know how far I had run or for how long. Once I saw it happen I just took off. Did they get a good look at me? I think they did. Did they get a good look that I didn't know. They didn't want any witnesses though or they wouldn't have shot at me. Just hearing those shots hit the door frame was enough motivation for me to run. And run I did.

My name is Robert Micheal Dunkirk. I am 9 years old. I live in Toledo, OH. With my parents, an older brother and sister and my twin sister. I was on my way home from a Mud Hens game. I had gotten on the wrong bus. It took me to the worst part of town. I should have stayed on the bus. But I got off. I was trying to read the bus schedule and try and see if I could get on the correct bus. To get my ass home. As it was, mom and Dad are going to kill me. I am never to go to a Mud Hens game alone. But it was fan day and getting autographs over whelmed my brain. I had gotten some good ones. I had them sign a baseball I caught last year.

I should take my medicine and call mom and dad. Reaching for my phone, it wasn't where I keep it. Patting down the other places, it wasn't there. I had lost it when I took off. I had had it when I got off the bus. So much has happened, I don't know when I lost it.

I panicked. I had just witnessed some guy get murdered by some street gang. I was shot at. I ran off. I lost my phone. I don't know where I was. I waited on the slope I was on. I listened. I heard no one either walk by or drive by. I only heard the birds. I slowly peaked my head up towards where I had came from. Nothing, I did hear sirens a while ago. I got up and tried to figure where I was. Nothing seemed familiar. I slowly walked towards the nearest main street.

Wilson St. I didn't even know a Wilson street. I looked around for a phone booth. Hah, no one uses a phone booth. Not even any stores where open. Yeah, it was Sunday, so no. I walked south. Trying to see if I could find a bus stop or something. The weird thing is I haven't seen many people.

As I walked farther. I seemed to be getting to a major cross street. “Oh, thank god a bus bench. I can take it to the main terminal and home from there.” As I got closer to the bench, I noticed someone also waiting for a bus. An old man, by the gray hair. Still no traffic on the side road.

I looked at the bus schedule, my watch. It seemed that the next bus was the bus to the main terminal. The old man was resting. He wore the same kind of hat I remember my grandfather wearing. Must have been the style old guys wore.

I sat on the opposite end of the bench from him. I watched and waited for the bus. Very little traffic. Looking at my watch, it was past the time the bus should have arrived.

“Damn, bus where is it?” I said.

I began to hear sirens, a couple police cars came hauling ass by me. Looking up I saw that the old man had walked off. I finally saw the bus coming. Maybe slowed down because of the cops. It pulled up to the curb. I scanned my pass and sat down. It took about 20 minutes to get to the terminal. I missed the bus the goes past my street. I had to wait for about half hour to get the last bus that night to home.

As I climbed on. The bus driver said. “your lucky kid. This is the last bus till 5:30 tomorrow morning.”

Looking at my watch. It was 7:00 on Sunday. I was already dead meat when I walk in the door. Mom and Dad will ground me for a month. But it was worth it mostly. Except for the ride home.

Half hour later I got off at the end of our street. Now 3 ½ blocks to home. As I got closer to the house I noticed a black SUV parked in front. Two guys walked up to the door. It looked like they were carrying something. I slowed down not wanting to get there when someone was visiting.

I saw Dad open the door. In his upset voice I hear. “About ti.....” A flash of light and dad dropped to the floor. They shot my dad. OH, God. The two guys walked in the house. I saw 2 more flashes in the living room window. One in Sam's window upstairs, then one in mine and one in Sarah and Jessica's room window. Shortly the guys left closing the door, and drove away.

I waited until I calmed down a bit. I knew what I was going to find. I began crying. I went in the house through the back door. Mom, Dad, anyone here? I called. Silence. I slowly went into the kitchen. My dinner was still on the counter. I didn't really want to I crept to the living room door. I peeked in. Dad was on the floor dragged away from the door . Mom was in her chair a bullet hole in her forehead. Blood all over. I slowly made my way upstairs. Making sure to not disturb anything or make any tracks. I found both Sam and Jessica in their rooms. Sam was shot in the forehead too. Jessica was shot in the back while she was on the computer.

My twin sister Sarah was in my room. Shot in the back of the head as she played on my Xbox. The bullet sprayed gray matter and blood all over my TV. My phone was behind her the GPS app opened to show home.

Son of a bitch, they found my phone and used it to find my home and kill my whole family. Did they think Sarah was me. Not knowing I was a twin. Only real difference between me and Sarah was I was a boy and she was a girl. We were had similar build, our hair about the same length. Both Dark brown hair and blue eyes. I stood there in shock. Not knowing what to do.

It was all my fault. If I hadn't gone to that damn game. This would have never happened. Cannot change it now. I should call the cops I know. Nothing can be done for my family. I cried. If those guys were found I would have to testify. My life would be over. Seems like they wanted no witnesses.


All of my stories are purely fictional, the some places are real, some are not. The names and personnel used in all my stories, are also fictional. They may be based on people I knew but, Any resemblance to anyone living, dead, or un-dead are purely coincidental.

I write my stories as a fantasy. While based on this world. Things in my story could stretch reality. However I write my stories from my mind. I reserve all rights to my work. Any form of duplication without my permission is forbidden. Please enjoy reading them as I have in writing them.

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Comments

Rough Start

Good setup for the rest of the series though. Thanks for sharing.

Wow what a start!

Well things can't get much worse for Robert (I hope)

That would be tough to take

That would be tough to take knowing that your whole family was killed because they were hunting you.

I don't

know about the start of this story. I've never been a fan of this kind of start, and it is almost enough to put me off reading anymore. However, I will read this story as it comes out.

Poor kid

Samantha Heart's picture

Idk who these guys were but definitely not street gang more like professional hit people.

Love Samantha Renée Heart.

hook? vs turn off

Teek's picture

In my opinion (not worth a lot really - probably less than two cents), you have given me no reason to keep reading. In fact, you have turned me off from continuing. There isn't a hook. Yeah, you have a dramatic beginning. You have set your main character up for a life-time of guilt and counseling, but I have no idea what the story is about. No character development. No anything to give me a reason to keep reading. As a first chapter it is missing important elements. You have an idea of where you are going with the story but you haven't told us, the readers who you want to keep reading. That is sort of a key point for a first chapter.
Personally I hate stories that start with everyone dying. Even worse, I saw a murder so my family all die. I will read probably the next two chapters just because your main character is a child, but if I am to judge on the 1st chapter it will not be my type of story. I sincerely hope I am wrong.
Character note: most 9 year olds in today's time do not have the type of freedom you are describing. Even the ability to go through the house to see all the relatives shot is beyond the ability to most 9 year olds. So far you are portraying a child much older.

Keep Smiling, Keep Writing
Teek

Not Sure What You Mean...

,,,about going through the house. It's his own house; of course he can get in and see everyone, and the black van left so he'd figure, rightly or wrongly, that no one threatening was still around.

Getting home on unfamiliar buses may be pushing it a little. I don't know if I'd have tried it at age nine, though I knew all the bus lines by age 10, albeit not much about a large section of San Francisco that many of them traveled. And that was circa 1960, when middle class white kids like me usually felt totally safe alone on buses.

Being out there unsupervised in the first place, probably not. But that depends on the household and the parents.

Eric

(I'm not taking a stand on your main point. But "no character development"? We know that our boy -- the only character we've met, other than the weird scene with the old man, which I hope will get connected up somehow -- is resourceful and independent, physically fit and a good runner. Without any personal interaction, how much more could you expect?)

Life has now changed

Jamie Lee's picture

How did Robert ever get on the wrong bus after the game? Didn't he remember which bus he took near home to the game, or did he have other things on his mind?

Once he knew he was on the wrong bus, why didn't he speak with the driver? Had he spoken with the driver he might have learned where to catch the right bus.

But none of that happened, and because of what he witnessed and losing his phone all of his family is dead. Now what? Will he be smart and call the police or panic and run? If he runs where will he go? Does he have family somewhere who can take him in or will he become another street kid?

Others have feelings too.

I know I am late

I know that I am late to this story but you might want to come back to this chapter and fix at least one mistake. "Not even any stores where open." I put the mistake in quotes so you would see what I am talking about.

Now I don't know where your from but with the h in the word that say where as where is a good place to sit. I believe you want the word were, Not even any stores were open, at this hour. Fixing things like this by using at least the right word will help the story flow better.