Part 19: November 8-14, 2015

Printer-friendly version


Allie - The teenage years of Alexander Horten

November 8-14, 2015

November 8, 2015
Dear Diary

We slept under a large tree. I should say that we did not sleep. We were cold and hungry. Every time we heard a noise, we thought it was some wolf or monster. We closed our eyes but woke up every 5 minutes with the newest sounds. I must admit that I was happy that Bella was running away with me. I don't think I would have survived the first night if I was alone.

When it was morning, I was very grumpy and was in a horrible mood. I missed my warm bed and something to eat. It was also a day when I was supposed to be singing in the choir. Would they be without me?

One thing that we never thought about was money. Between us, we could buy a bar of chocolate. Bella had a larger piece than me because she was so tall. We did not say that much that day, but walked and walked. My feet were getting more tired and the hunger was killing me. I do not know if you ever tried being hungry before, but it was something a 13-year-old could not get out of his mind. The more I thought about food, the more hungry I was.

Bella was patient with my mood. She reminded me that it was me that wanted to run away.

We found an old empty cottage and decided we would sleep there.

November 9, 2015
Dear Diary

I must remember that the next time I run away, it would not be in November where it was cold and wet. Summer would be a much better time to run away. We should also have had more money.
We decided that we needed to eat, so we walked to the nearest town. We only had two choices. We could try to steal some food or we could beg. I did not want to be a criminal so we decided to sit and beg. This went fine for some time and people must have felt sorry for us, as we were getting a lot of coins.

Our luck ran out, as the police came and took us to the police station. We were kept in a room and told that our parents would come and pick us up. I should have been sad and depressed, but to be honest, I missed my warm bed. At least the police gave us food.

While we were waiting, I asked Bella how she was born. She explained that very few people are born hermaphrodite or intersexed. She was born with both a boy part and a female part. Her parents could not deal with a child and that is why her grandmother took care of her. Bella lived as a boy until he was 5. Her granny thought she should have been living as a girl, so Bella was persuaded to try it. Since then she had lived as a girl. She had to move to our school as she was bullied so much because everyone thought that she was a sissy. She knew people at our school thought she was a sissy and then laughed as she asked what would they say if they knew the truth.

I asked her why she had a diaper on once. Bella looked down and said her grandmother could be strange at times and used diapers as a punishment. Some people may think this was child abuse. Then Bella became quiet and said sometimes she likes wearing them as it makes her feel special and safe. I did not say anything but hugged her.

My Mom came and picked us up. She never hugged me so much as she has done then and she stood back and started getting mad at me. Mom was both crying and shouting as she told me how worried she was and asked me how I could be so selfish. I did not get a chance to answer. As mom was on a roll and there was no stopping her.

Nothing was said on the way home. We dropped Bella off at her house. Her grandmother did not look all that happy. After this mom told me that Dad had a hard time accepting my feminine side, but she hoped we would work things out.

When we got home, she told me to go to my room and told the others not to bother me. I needed time alone and I needed sleep.

November 10, 2015
Dear Diary

I woke up the next morning with Sarah giving me a big hug. She was in tears saying that she never thought she would see me again. I hugged her back and told her that I was back and would never leave her. Of course, Sarah wanted to know every detail. I didn't get a chance to answer as Billy looked in and told me that I should have stayed away. If I have done this, maybe my parents could have noticed that they had other children.

Otherwise, nothing was said. It was like I never left the house. Dad was still not speaking with me.

Annie spoke with me at school. She was excited as she told me that she has seen my last photoshoot. Annie told me that she would like me to visit her when I had time. I could never understand Annie. Sometimes she was like she was my best friend, and other times she didn't even know I was alive. I knew she didn't love me and never would. What did she want? Why was I so addicted to her?

I spoke to Bella at school. She told me that her grandmother was very mad. I found this out when her grandmother was taking care of us after school. She told me that Bella was wearing a diaper as a punishment, and she thought that I should wear one as well. Sarah reminded everyone that I used to wet the bed. What could I do but blush?

November 11, 2015
Dear Diary

Mom forgave me and so did Bellas grandmother. Billy was his normal angry self thinking that I wanted all the attention.

Dad was still not speaking with me. I tried everything from apologising to telling him that I loved him. He did not even bother. He just looked at the newspaper.

I felt an anxiety attack the more I tried to get Dads attention. Sarah must have noticed this and said that we should draw. We sat in her bedroom and She started colouring. I had no clue what to draw. It was never anything I liked to do. I was hopeless at drawing. Sarah told me to draw unicorns and rainbows. As we were creating our art piece, she told me it was stupid to run away. I could just draw and escape into a land of imagination and fantasy.

Dad came in and looked at Sarah's drawing. He smiled and told her how proud he was. When I tried to show him mine, he glanced at it and sighed.

November 12, 2015
Dear Diary

Mom gave me the vitamin pills and painkillers because I still had aching muscles. She then measured me and had this worried look on her face. She told Dad that she did not understand why I was not growing. I was getting smaller! This was hard to believe. At this rate, I would end up as a toddler.

At school, Noah shoved me into a wall. He told me it was hard enough to put up with me at school. Now he had seen my pictures all over the place. He did not understand why someone would ever want me as a model, as he thought the new clothes I wore was for a 5-year-old. This just confirmed what I thought of the clothes when mom bought them. No boy my age would ever wear them.

When Bellas grandmother was taking care of us after school, she said she wanted to speak with me. She told me that she knew that I was transgender. I was a boy that did not mind dressing as a girl. I was in tears as I said that Dad would not allow it. At the moment he would not even speak to me.

Bellas grandmother told me that she understood why I ran away. Bella's parents could not understand that she was different. She smiled and told me that the solution was to wear Bellas old clothes when I was here after school. Then I could be a boy at home.

I rushed into Bellas room and picked a pretty denim dress.

November 13, 2015
Dear Diary

Today was a quiet day. Noah still teased me and Annie ignored me. I was with Bella and Andrew. It was like we were the misfits of the school.

When I came home, dad did not even look at me. I stood in front of him and told him that it was not acceptable that he just ignored me. I told him that I was a boy that had no problem dressing as a girl and doing girl things. This did not make me a bad person or a freak. Even some popstars wore feminine clothes. I asked if he loved me for who I was or who he wanted me to be?

I thought it was a great speech. Dad did not get a chance to answer. Billy stormed out the door saying our family was the most dysfunctional in the world. When the door was slammed, Dad looked at me and asked if I was now happy.

Billy did not come home

November 14, 2015
Dear Diary

I hoped to sleep late today as I still had many pains at night. However, I woke up to a lot of commotion.

When I walked down, Dad was pacing back and forth while mom was crying. Sarah was asking again and again what happened.

Mom told me that they were just told that Billy was arrested.

To be continued

60 users have voted.
If you liked this post, you can leave a comment and/or a kudos! Click the "Thumbs Up!" button above to leave a Kudos


An awfully good question

Jamie Lee's picture

Alexander asked his/her dad an awfully good, and important question. Did his/her dad love him/her for who s/he is or who his/her dad wanted him/her to be?

Parents should never try and control who their child is or wants/needs to be, unless it's for the child's safety. And their love should never be based on the child conforming to the parent's desires.

Others have feelings too.