Pete's Vagina -1- First and Goal

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Pete woke up this morning with a problem. Can he still play football if he doesn't have all his equipment?

Pete's Vagina
1. First and Goal
by Erin Halfelven

The game the first week of October in 1976 had been a high like nothing I’d experienced since the previous December when we had made it to the state championship playoffs. J.W. Friendly High School of Friendly, Arizona (population 18,000) made it to the AIA playoffs! What a thrill that had been my junior year!

And with the start we had this season, we might be able to do it again. In some ways this year had already been better, because this time, instead of losing the championship semifinal, we had three wins already and had just won our league season opener. And I was first string now, starting at halfback.

Plus my best friend Jake Fremont was starting quarterback. It looked like we really might have a chance to go back to the AIA tournament this fall cause we had certainly kicked ass and taken names, winning 22 to 3. Coach Wilson had put in our bench in the fourth quarter or it might have been a real blow-out.

So we were celebrating. Joanna Linklater, the head cheerleader had invited nearly everyone on the team to party at her house. Mansion, really, her dad was a county supervisor and the family had old money from farming and mining.

Just like last year, Joanna was the girlfriend of the starting quarterback, only this time, that was my friend Jake. Joanna was a gorgeous blonde and rich besides, but I had no cause to be jealous of Jake’s success.

Megan d’Auguste, one of the other cheerleaders, and I had been dating since midsummer. Things had been going so well between us that Megan leaned in close to me and whispered right in my ear to make herself understood over the noise of the stereo, “Pete, Pete, Petey, let’s go upstairs.”

My real first name is kind of embarrassing, so I usually go by Pete, based on my last name, Petersen. For some reason, Megan liked saying my name. And I liked hearing her do so.

We found an empty room, and sat on the bed, and made out. My pale Scandinavian flesh against her dark Creole loveliness, might have looked dramatic but honestly, I didn’t think of that at all after Megan whispered, “Petey, I want you to make love to me.”

I almost didn’t believe my ears. I had kind of hoped for such a development but I hadn’t quite dared. It would be my first intimacy with a girl and I didn’t really know how to act. Megan did though. She took charge of getting us undressed and arranged us on the bed with a pillow under her hips.

I fumbled things horribly, and the first time, I actually came before I got it into her, spurting my shot onto her belly. She giggled but it wasn’t funny at all to me.

“Petey’s first time, isn’t it?” she whispered. “Don’t worry, you can reload and we can try again.” Meanwhile we kissed and cuddled and she let me play with her breasts. I’d already done so with us both wearing clothes but naked was so much better.

And sure enough, it wasn’t long before I was ready to try again. This time things fit together and she made little squeals and whines in my ear while I lay atop her, pumping like my life depended on it. “Slower, Petey, Petey, Pete,” she gasped. “Go as deep-oh!-as you can!”

I followed instructions and we made love through the night, I don’t know how many times, once with her on top. It was better than winning a football game. Heck, it was better than going to the playoffs.

* * *

I woke, boneless and exhausted with her softly snoring spooned in my embrace. Her hair surrounded my face, and the scent of her filled my head. My left hand cupped her breast and my right arm was under her neck. The window across the room faced north but the right side of it showed the pink sky of sunrise.

I felt bruised and sticky, the bruises probably came from last night’s football game but maybe not all of them. I smiled. I knew where the stickiness came from.

I didn’t want to wake her, but, man, I had to piss. I carefully disengaged, resisting the urge to give her nipple under my hand a tweak. Megan had such nice titties, soft to the touch and sweet to the taste, and only a little bigger than my hand.

Of course, I reflected as I headed toward the en suite bathroom, I’ve got small hands which is why I’m a running back and not a receiver. I wasn’t wearing underwear, so I just reached for my dick as I pulled the door open with the other hand. The sight of the porcelain fixtures through the opening had increased the hydraulic pressure and I tried to hurry.

My dick was not in my hand when I stopped in front of the toilet bowl. I reached to flip up the ring while I fumbled at my groin. No dick. I was going to piss on myself and I couldn’t find my dick! I looked down there and didn’t see it, either. Normally, with a piss hard-on like I felt I had, it would not be easy to miss it.

No dick. My fumbling fingers caressed pubic fur and found a damp spot. I grunted with the effort of not pissing, but it was no use, I could feel the hot leak from the growing damp spot on my hand. “Must be dreaming,” I muttered, ending with a bit of a yelp as I realized the full flow was going to start whether I liked it or not.

I did the only thing I could think of and turned around and sat on the pot. Unfortunately, I had already lifted the ring and ended up sitting on the cold porcelain rim with my nether parts deep in the bowl.

If I still had a dick, it would be dangling in the water!

If I still had a dick?!!

Frantically, I spread my legs wide and used both hands to search for my missing member, getting my hands wet in the hot gush of piss that came from—where? I tried to get a look, bending forward to see. But there was nothing to see. A luxurious, furry muff surrounded a… damp slit I could feel with my fingers?

I had a…. I had a…. I couldn’t say it, nor even think it.

“I’m dreaming,” I whispered. “Nightmare. Drank some bad beers.” I sat there numbly for a bit, then leaned sideways to try to see Megan in the bedroom but the angle wasn’t right. I sat back up then reached down and took a handful of my thigh where it was thickest.

I twisted and pulled then gritted my teeth to keep from screaming from the gawdawful pinch I had given myself. I whimpered, trying not to cry. “Oh, fuck,” I whispered.

I wasn’t dreaming. The porcelain edge of the bowl bit into the outer side of my thigh and my butt. I was almost wedged into the toilet and struggled a bit to lift myself up.

“Maybe I’m hallucinating?” I wondered. “Did someone slip something into one of my drinks?” I started to stand up but bush was damp and as my body moved, more liquid came from the fleshy folds around slit. I was back to sitting and whimpering while I tried to think what to do.

Suddenly frantic, I grabbed way too much TP and used a wad of it to dry myself between the legs. It felt strange and I dropped the paper into the bowl like it had caught fire.

I stood up and it felt to me that my thighs were too close together, but there wasn’t anything down there to keep them apart. I could hear someone going, “Uh, huh-uh, uh, uh, huh-uh.” It was me, whimpering again but louder.

“My dick is gone,” I whispered. “I’ve got a cunt down there.” Girls didn’t call it a cunt, did they? Was I a girl now if I had one? “Huh-uh, huh-uh,” I grunted.

“Maybe I’m crazy?” I said. It felt weird to hope I had lost my mind. “I’m crazy, hallucinating, I’m drunk, I’m dreaming….” I choked back a yell of fear.

I hadn’t heard her move or speak but suddenly Megan was standing beside me, naked, bent over at the waist, hands on her knees, looking at my groin. “Petey,” she asked, “what happened to your dick?”

I tried to answer but instead just burst into tears.

* * *

Some time passed while Megan embraced me and led me out of the bathroom. We ended up kneeling beside the bed, her arms still around me, the thick carpet fibers making worm-tracks in my knees. I only vaguely heard Joanna at the door asking, “What’s wrong with Pete?”

Still I flinched to know someone else could see me. In my panic, I didn’t know what to do, so I huddled on the floor, wrapped around my middle for concealment. I glanced toward her, standing there in her naked, blonde, head-cheerleaderness.

Horrified, I heard Megan answer, “He’s upset about his dick.” She looked down at me, with some concern.

Joanna laughed. “What did you do break it?”

“No,” Megan replied calmly. “It’s just that we can’t find it this morning.”

Joanna’s peal of laughter galvanized me into leaping to my feet and pretty much falling into the bed where I pulled the covers over me.

“Good idea, Petey,” said Megan. “You look there and I’ll check in the bathroom.” And she sauntered toward the bathroom.

“Oh! Stop!” Joanna choked out. “You’re killing me!’

I glared at her, and at Megan who was smiling back at me. “Go away!” I shouted.

“Oh, shut up,” Joanna responded. “It’s my house.” Her laughs faded a bit as Jake appeared beside her in the doorway, wrapped in a bathrobe.

“What’s up?” my longtime friend asked, handing Joanna a robe, too.

Joanna couldn’t answer because her laughter started up again. “Ask Pete,” she managed to splutter.

Jake, my friend since second grade, looked at me with real concern in his face. “Is something wrong?” he asked.

I pulled the covers up over my face and sobbed.

* * *

A few minutes later, Megan and Joanna were whispering in the bathroom while Jake was sitting on the edge of the bed looking worried. I was still under the covers, alternating between soul-wrenching panic attacks and fuming that Megan had told everyone what had happened.

“Petey is all freaked out just because his dick disappeared,” she said.

“Disappeared how?” Jake had asked. I could tell from the sound of his voice that he didn’t really believe her.

“I’o’no,” she said. “It’s just not there anymore.”

I wanted to strangle her but all I could do was whimper under the duvet.

Jake tried again to get me to explain. “Can you talk about what’s got you so upset?” He asked. “I mean, every guy has trouble getting things up now and then. Huh?”

I wasn’t falling for the sensitive guy schtick. If I told him my dick was gone, he’d want to see for himself. So far, he didn’t believe what Megan was telling him, and I saw no reason to provide a clincher. And I wasn’t showing anyone what I had down there now.

Feeling sorry for myself didn’t work out so good, though. Suddenly, Jake yanked the covers off the bed, I made a grab for them but I missed and was left huddling in a curled up ball. I grabbed a pillow to wrap myself around. Someone was wailing like they were being dismembered and I realized it was probably me.

Jake backed off from the noise I was making quickly, dropping the duvet in a pile on the floor. “Pete!” he yelped. “Pete, snap out of it!”

“Damnit!” I shouted. “Just leave me alone.”

“Did someone slip him some acid or something?” Jake demanded. “He’s acting crazy!”

The girls came out of the bathroom and Megan picked the duvet up off the floor. “He’s made a really awful discovery,” she said. “It’s going to take him time to adjust.”

“Huh?” Jake had no clue. He must not have seen when I was briefly naked. Or maybe he didn’t believe what he had seen.

Megan tossed the comforter back over me and I wrapped it so I was lying on it. No one would be able to snatch it off me now.

“Jake,” said Joanna. “Go make some coffee for us.” She made shooing motions. “Megan and I are going to have a talk with Pete about his missing dick.”

Someone moaned. Probably me.

Jake snorted. “Alright. But Pete, you know we have post-game debriefing at the gym at two p.m. Coach will want to see you there.”

I shook my head but no one could see that with me being under the duvet.

“He’ll be there,” Megan promised.

Joanna added, “With bells on,” and laughed.

The bitch. I reflected for a moment that I’d never really liked Joanna, anyway.

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Thanks :)

erin's picture

Glad you enjoyed it. :)


= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Tired old joke

I'm thinking of the tired old joke about a little boy and girl. They are comparing their you know what's with the little boy full of himself bragging what he has and she doesn't. Of course she shuts him down with the immortal words. "With one of these I can get as many of those as I want."
I'll go now while I can still climb out of the hole I seem to dig so often.


erin's picture

Yeah, I don't think Pete is ready to even contemplate such doings. :) Thanks for the comment!


= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Cool story

Very interesting story. I can't wait to find out how Pete will handle this situation after the first initial shock has worn off? Maybe he will actually like it????

We'll have to see

erin's picture

Pete's got sand.


= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Started out great

Its so scary reading your new stories... the writing gets you hooked but what happens when you get left hanging forever?.....

Im sure there are more but the one thats been haunting me the most was Ultra Green. Never did find out how that one ended. I hope this one comes to a satisfying conclusion instead of leaving me guessing.

EllieJo Jayne

Sorry about that

erin's picture

It's always my intent to finish everything and I am getting better about that. It's nice to know someone loves Ultra Green. :)

I have PV all plotted out, though not a full outline which often seems to kill my energy for a story. Keep encouraging me, reads, kudos and comments are the only pay I get.


= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

With Friends Like His

joannebarbarella's picture

You definitely don't need enemies! It'll be all over social media before he gets home.

We'll have to see :)

erin's picture

Anyone who hears about it probably won't believe it without proof. :)


= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Dunno what all the fuss is about.

Angharad's picture

I was more than happy to wake up with one, except for the bristly bit as the hair grows back.



erin's picture

I guess it's only a problem if one shows up without an appointment. :)


= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

I know he's not happy

but dam would I have liked that to happen to me


There's probably a line :)

erin's picture

Ya think? :)


= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

Okay, what's the mystery?

Jamie Lee's picture

Pete had a penis before the game, during the game, at the party, during the night and used it in Megan.

Wakes up to pee and, shock, his penis is gone. Why? Did Megan have something to do with its disappearance? Or maybe her mom because he made love to her daughter, which didn't please her?

Or something altogether different? Someone who is angry because Pete ignored her? And she wanted Pete to do her all night?

Heck of a start to what appears to be a fine story.

Others have feelings too.

Thanks, hon

erin's picture

What's a little mystery between friends? :)


= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.