Calling Occupants....

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Calling Occupants.....

by Susan Brown


As soon as I got home from work, I changed into Debra.

Breathing a sigh of relief, I sat down at my dressing table and put on my favourite makeup, just wearing my silky panties, bra and breast forms. After applying the foundation, blusher, mascara, eye shadow and lippy, I slipped on the sheer black nylons; put on my favourite royal blue silk dress, long blond wig and finally placed my feet in my black court shoes with three inch heels.

As I looked at myself in the long mirror, I sighed. I knew that I didn't pass, but I didn't look too bad.

I'm 36 years old and live by myself in a flat in Fulham, London. I work in a computer shop and I suppose I'm a bit of a geek in some ways. Needless to say, I love working and playing with computers.

If my boss, Mr Burns needs any questions answered, he normally comes to me. Our regular customers normally come to me for advice too. That's good, because I get commission on everything I sell.

Another advantage with working at a computer shop is that I get computer equipment at cost. I had just bought the latest, quad CPU'd mega memoried, ginormous hard drived, beast with the latest graphics and water cooling. The screen was a 25 inch which was wall mounted. I had seven speakers dotted about the room and when I played games, the graphics and sounds were awesome, to say the least!

I went over to the computer and fired her up. I wasn't into Vista-Crap, so I was using good ol’ XP and it was just a moment before I was up and running.

I went to my emails, I had about 50 spams - all dealt with by my spam controller and 5 from my friends, all T girls.

Amanda was having trouble with her love life, as usual; Colleen had bought some new breast forms; Cynthia was going out with some of the girls and Petra was about to go to her doctor as her pills weren't working quickly enough for her.

I answered all the emails and then logged onto MSN Live Chat.

It was quiet, no one there. I was just about to leave, when someone came on, her handle was Geek Girl and I smiled as I was somewhat geeky too! Did I want to chat? Why not.

'Hi' I typed.

'Hi, how r u?'

'fine, not seen u b4!'

'No, just found you. You want to be a girl too?'

‘Yes.’

We chatted for a while. She told me a bit about herself, not much though, she may have been a bit shy. She lived in a place called Ursula; I had never heard of it and she was a bit vague as to where it was. She was a programmer and worked on a ship. I thought that was a strange place for a programmer to work and she said yes, it was different! I mainly told her about what I was and what I wanted to be - a girl.

We chatted for a short while and strangely none of my regular friends came on. A bit weird that as normally several girls would have come in at that time.

'I have to go now,' she said. 'Can I have your email address? I will send you a copy of my newest program it’s fun and I think that you will like it.'

'Okay, thanks.'

I sent her my email address and we both signed off.

I checked my email and found the one I wanted in with the spam.

After overriding the warnings about opening emails with attachments, I clicked on the message.

'Hi,

I enjoyed our talk and hope we can do it again soon.

As discussed, I attach a little program that I think you will enjoy. Just click on the icon and follow the instructions.

Hugs,

The Geek.

I took a chance; if you can't trust one of the t girls, who can you trust?

I double clicked on the file and within nano seconds the file was loading onto my computer. I clicked yes to auto open when finished and in a few seconds my screen went all colours of the rainbow and then a small box came up in the middle. Written in the box was a whole load of writing with a drop down arrow by the side of it. There was a huge list of what I took for languages and I noticed after scrolling down, 'English'.

I clicked on that and then the screen went black for second; then:

Hello, please state your name.

I typed 'Debra.'

Hi Debra. Please follow the instructions carefully. First state your age.

'36.'

Height?

'5 foot 8 inches.

Current weight?

'170 pounds.'

Sex?

'Male, unfortunately.'

Cannot compute, please answer again, sex?

'Male.'


Handsome, Yes or no?

'No.'

Thank you for answering Debra now please answer the following:

Please state, if you could wish, what age you would like to be?


I thought about it.

'20.'

Height?

'5 foot 6 inches.'

Weight?

'120 pounds.'

Sex?

‘Yes please!’

Cannot compute, please answer again: sex?

'Female.'

Pretty, yes or no?

'Yes.'

Please wait.

I waited whilst the egg timer turned, wondering what would happen next. I thought that it was a program that would show me some sort of picture on the screen based on what I answered.

Thinking to myself, I imagined what it would be like to be young, thin, a girl and pretty. I sighed, maybe in the next life.

I heard a ping from the computer; there was a message on the screen.

Thank you for waiting Debra, your requested changes are acceptable and within normal parameters, please click ‘yes’ if you wish to continue.

I smiled and clicked 'yes.' this was fun!

Are you sure you wish to continue as reversals are not possible? Click yes if you wish to continue and no if you do not.

I was really intrigued now. I clicked 'yes'.

Please wait………………………………

The green egg timer started to turn, then gradually got bigger: then crawled across the screen. I was mesmerised by it and couldn’t drag my eyes away.

Suddenly, a white light flashed out of the screen and seemed to go up my nose. I gasped and then felt myself changing.

Screaming as I felt my insides being churned about, I fainted and everything went black.

I woke up feeling rather strange. Looking down at myself, I noticed that I had no clothes on. I must have been in daze as I didn’t realise that I had changed…I got up and wobbled uncertainly over to the mirror…My sight seemed to be affected as I appeared to see very clearly…too clearly as everything was so bright and sharp. My movement was fluid and lithe…strange.

I looked at the reflection in the mirror and my mind suddenly came into focus and I screamed again and again at the sight before me and then I mercifully fainted…

I don’t know how long I was out, but when I came to my senses, the first thought was that I had experienced a nightmare. Then I looked along my prostrated form and I realised that if this was a nightmare, I was living it. I stood up, unsteadily and once again saw my reflection in the mirror.

My reflection showed a thing…My body was blue in colour and I had four arms that looked like the limbs of an octopus….including the suckers. My body was roughly humanoid, but more oval in shape leading down to legs and feet that did not appear to have joints…just bends where the knees would have been and the feet were just flared extensions of the legs…no toes.

I had breasts…three of them one left, one central and one to the right, roughly where a normal chest would be. Heaven knows where the reproductive organs were as it was smooth between the legs with no sign of any…erm ‘thing.’

But it was the face…my face that shocked me most.

I had one large eye in the middle of my forehead and instead of hair; I had thousands of tentacles that reminded me of thin snakes. They moved slightly all the time and I immediately thought of Medusa from Greek mythology…the woman with snakes in her hair.

My lips were large red and oversized for the face. I could see no visible ears, but assumed I would find some….somewhere.

I opened my mouth and out shot a tongue about a metre long, which had a small forked end. I tried to speak, but all I had was a high pitched squeak.

I heard a ping coming from my computer and I turned toward it.

On strange rubbery legs, I moved to the computer and saw a message flashing in green.

Process complete….congratulations, you are now a woman!

With one of my arms….tentacles… whatever, I pressed the return key on the keyboard, a bit difficult as it wasn’t designed for this body, but I managed somehow.

The screen cleared and I was back on the desktop. MSN was flashing and then popped up…it was from The Geek.

‘Hi, honey. Did it work?’

With difficulty I plopped down on my chair and replied.

‘What have you done to me!’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I’ve been changed.’

‘I know, neat isn’t it; you are a real girl now. The program sent me back the information just now. It worked on you, now I’ll try it for myself.’

I couldn’t believe this creep. He really thought I wanted…this!

‘You gave me four arms and one eye and I’m blue…oh and I’ve got a bloody great big long tongue and hair that looks downright weird.’

‘Wow you sound gorgeous. I hope I turn out like you; can you send me a pic?’

‘A pic, A PIC! Are you some sort of nut or something?’

There was a pause.

‘Look I’m not weird or anything, I’ll send you a pic of me then you’ll see that I’m a nice sort of guy.’

There was a ping as a picture downloaded onto my computer.

I clicked on the paperclip and there he was….in all his glory…he was blue with four arms, no neck, one eye, lips like mine but not so inflated and three little nipples where I had boobs.

I had a bad feeling about this.

‘Where are you from?’ I typed.

‘I told you before…Ursula.’

‘Where is Ursula?’

‘You know that…you live here.’

‘I don’t.’

‘Where do you live then?’

‘Fulham.’

‘Where’s that?’

‘Fulham, London, England, Earth.’

‘Earth!’

‘Yes Earth.’

There was a pause, I thought that he had gone but a few seconds later he came back.

‘Are you sure that you are on Earth?’

‘Of course I’m sure.’

‘Funny little planet, lots of smog, polar ice caps melting and crappy little moon?

‘Yes.’

‘And this isn’t some sort of joke.’

‘Do I sound as if I’m joking?’

‘Oops…sorry about that, see you around.’

‘WAIT! Can you reverse this? Please say you can!’

‘No, sorry, it’s a one way deal; I don’t know how I ended up on your network. I know we have powerful computers here and since we had that huge solar flair, our communications have been a bit weird, but still…’

‘Look, I can’t believe what you have done to me, anyhow, how come you can speak English if you are an alien?’

‘Who are you calling an alien! You are, or were an alien, not me. Anyway, look at yourself...I reckon you look like me now...a female version but still like me. Send me a pic and I will see if you look OK.’

‘I reluctantly did a photo with my web cam and sent it via MSN.’

‘WOW! You look hot, but you really should get some clothes on!’

‘Oh, yea, I would look great going down the supermarket like this; anyway, we don’t have clothes to fit someone with four arms you know! You still haven't told me how you speak English.’

‘Oh, my comp auto translates any language in the known and some of the unknown universe.’

‘OK…and how do you get MSN?’

‘What’s MSN?’

‘That’s the program we are using to communicate.’

‘No it’s not…oh I see, that’s the one you use. My comp had auto-compat capabilities. Anyway, I have to go now as I need to feed. See you around.’

‘Wait!’

He’d gone and I was left in a body of an alien, a girl alien, but still an alien.

I shut down my computer and for some reason a phrase popped into my head.

‘Beware of Geeks bearing gifts.’

The End.

* Calling Occupants Of Interplanetary Craft ~ The Carpenters.

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Comments

Making wishes

Careful what you wish for . . . you...just...might...get...it ! ! !

Oh the pain

and the puns! Nice one just the same :) Old themes and a bit of fun twisting them together. Well at least the 4" door and the fish survived this time. (courtesy of Aly and Laika)

hugs

grover

This one started Soooo....

... predictably... Then, you threw in the typical Sue Brown twist. It wasn't where I was expecting it to be, but still...

Had a little chuckle about all the geeks.

Thanks,
Annette

P.S. And the moral of the story is.... I mean, how many times have we been told (don't open attachments from people you REALLY don't know. And, the approach used (chat a bit - out of nowhere - to get to know someone then send something/get something) is used regularly by "bad guys" online.

Poor Occupant:-)

A very cute and humorous story. That twist makes this story really wild. What happens next comes to mind. Maybe she can get help from the S.R.U. Wizard.
May Your Light Forever Shine

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

sexy tentacles

laika's picture

I dunno. Maybe it's just me but it really doesn't sound so bad. Debra is a real girl now,
she can lay eggs and everything! I can see a great new career in show business for her,
and romance galore. All she needs to do is find her way to a Manga & Anime convention,
and she'll find no end of potential suitors...
~~~hugs, Laika

Thank you, Laika!

And here I was, despairing of any sort of positive outcome. Thanks, Hon, for always being able to see the bright side (or at least the funny side) of any situation!

I really do feel so much better now. :)

Earworm

Thanks for getting that song stuck in my head. From the title alone, Karen started singing in my brain. I thought reading it would make it go away, but it didn't. Karen's still singing, but now she's blue and tentacle-y.

One of these days, I'll get around to writing my song-inspired story.

Nice twist

Angharad's picture

maybe she should see an alienist?

Angharad

Angharad

Another fine mess

Experience tells me that, when I try to improve something, it goes very pear-shaped. So I think I'll stick where I am.

Nice one, Sue, as usual. Totally wacky - and can I please have a pint of whatever you're on???!!!

Susie

Just Think

joannebarbarella's picture

How much you'll save on eye make-up and bad hair days are a thing of the past :-)
Joanne

One would hope ...

... that the generosity of the alien Geek would extend to a ride to his/her world, where she could at least communicate -- and maybe find happiness, since the process can't be reversed. After all, the Geek IS a programmer on a ship. Would being allowed to pick up a damsel in distress be too much to hope for?

Cute story, but yes, I'm still looking for the upside for poor Debra. *grin*!

Randa

Yeah, Randalynn, what a cheesy guy

Funny in a slightly dark comedy way but begs another round and a different punch line. From what he, the alien, says she is now a total babe by his planet's standards.

And why if they can change you once they can't again? That one eludes me, "Oh the DNA would unravel" or "It's too much stress for the body to stand." Give me a brrreak! I mean if they can transform you in seconds and have you survive, I can’t see why they can’t do it multiple times. Altering an object that big that fast should have made him/her explode.

He's probably a teenaged computer geek equivalent of our hero/heroine and in trouble for goofing off at work or not doing his homework. Or maybe a post college guy who can't get dates and who won’t leave the nest. If there is justice, the *boy's* parents will come to Earth, make or heroine a pretty, no gorgeous human girl and their wayward son a wickedly handsome human male. That would be true justice. He finds humans revolting, the planet second rate and to be stuck as one of those hideous humans, Brrrrr!

I could imagine the parents saying to each other, “Yes, by our standards she is revolting and our son is no better but I feared he’d never find a woman and settle down. At least she has a nice personality and an honest soul. And after they have a family and he’s learned his lesson we can always bring them back to the home planet and restore them to true beauty. Gods I love you dear but then I always was a tentacle man.”

Hey remember that Tim Allen Star Trek spoof, Galaxy Quest? Remember that alien woman who feel for the human? They were a squid like race but could assume human form, but when they had sex … Whoa momma, those tentacles proved handy.

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

Okay, I get it

erin's picture

It's a shaggy octopus joke. :)

- Erin

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

= Give everyone the benefit of the doubt because certainty is a fragile thing that can be shattered by one overlooked fact.

New keywords needed

Seems like you need to add some new keywords, "Puns" and "Shaggy Dog Story", so readers will be warned (hopefully) what they're getting into.

KJT

"Being a girl is wonderful and to torture someone into that would be like the exact opposite of what it's like. I don’t know how anyone could act that way." College Girl - poetheather


"Life is not measured by the breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.”
George Carlin

Ooh, but

kristina l s's picture

No you can't, that's awful. I mean terrestrial hackers is bad enough, but damn. What does she do, where does she go... I done wanna be a blue tenatacly thing...wahhhh. Ok, sorry very un PC, that was probably alienist, I do apologise. Sue, you are awful, but...

Kristina

Calling occupant...

Hope Eternal Reigns's picture

Hey Sue,

Still a cute fun read, and this time I KNEW how it ended.

with love,

Hope

with love,

Hope

Once in a while I bare my soul, more often my soles bear me.

the song

Was actually written by Klaatu. I had the original version until it died in a move. Great story. I agree the Geek should have offered her a lift to his place

"Treat everyone you meet as though they had a sign on them that said "Fragile, under construction"

dorothycolleen

DogSig.png

grins

snickers

LOL

I guess I better watch out for geeks offering anything fantastic or too good to be true.

Cute story

Hugs

Vivien

Why do I expect....

... for Eric Idle to suddenly appear (perhaps lowered in while hanging on a cross) singing " ... look on the sunny side of life ..." ? Somehow, it seems appropos at the moment ...

lol

I Loved it!

OMG

This is a cautionary tale about opening attachments sent by people you don't know. Hilarious! Thanks so much for posting.
Bron

Woops

Welp, you know this would not have happened if she were running Linux right ? ^_~