Rough Waters 17 - 'Confessions'

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Notes of a Journey Trilogy
Book 2
Rough Waters

Chapter 17 - 'Confessions'

A Gaby FanFic by PB


 

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Photo Credit: Provided by PB.
 


 
Chapter 17
 

Warsop, late June, 2008…

(Knock, knock, knock) “...It’s open!” Miss Cowlishaw called out without looking up from her paper-covered desk.

“Excuse me … Miss C?” Maddy asked as she stood in the doorway of Fran’s office.

“Maddy! Come in! How are you?”

“Okay, I guess. May I have a moment of your time … Miss?” Maddy sheepishly asked.

Casting a serious glance at her visitor, Fran calmly replied, “What do you mean ... Miss?

“I...”

“Maddy ... you know that ever since Virginia I’ve always allowed you to use my first name when it was just us and besides ... as an upper sixth, you know you don’t need to call me ‘Miss’ anymore ... so ... no more ... okay? The name’s Fran!”

“Sorry, Fran ... bad habits an’ all that,” Maddy quietly replied with a smile.

“I seem to remember someone else blaming ‘bad habits’ … well … c’mon in and sit down.” Fran cheerfully beckoned.

“Drew always said that,” Maddy fondly recalled.

Sensing Maddy’s nervousness, Fran calmly continued in a soft soothing tone, “Since you’re not in any of my sets, this can’t be about school ... so am I to assume this is personal?”

“Yes,” Maddy quietly admitted. “I thought that since you already had a good idea of…” Fran put two fingers to Maddy’s lips, interrupting her sentence.

“Shhhh ... I think I know where you’re going. We can talk here ... or if you’re finished for the day ... we can go somewhere with a little more room. Personally, I’d think it’d be better if we get out of here ... so what do you say?”

“Fine with me,” Maddy agreed.

“Then it’s settled ... wait a few minutes for me to pack up. I know someplace quiet where we can get a good cup of tea … my treat … okay?”

Fran knew full well that if they stayed in her office, she’d probably be interrupted again.

A short time later they were seated in a nearby pub with their teas in front of them. After the waitress had left, leaving them alone, Fran looked across the small table and in a soft voice asked, “Okay, Maddy … what’s on your mind?”

Maddy cupped her hands around her tea cup as it sat on the table and nervously bit her lip as she fought to maintain eye contact with Fran.

“Take your time,” Fran softly soothed.

“Like you said, Fran … you already know ... but if I don’t tell somebody … I’ll go positively barmy,” Maddy quietly admitted after looking around.

“I’m listening...”

“I can’t think of any other way to say this ... sooo ...” Maddy softly stated. Fran patiently watched as her former student took a deep breath.

“...I love Gaby, and I have since I first met her.”

“That’s it?” Fran wondered as a wide grin formed across her face.

Feeling hurt and humiliated by Fran’s unexpected answer, Maddy could only glare in silence across the table at her former teacher. Rather than risk making a scene in a public place, she calmly started to rise from the table.

“Maddy?”

“Maybe this was a mistake! I thought I can come to you for advice an’ all you can do is say ‘that’s it?’, while doing your impression of a Cheshire Cat?” Maddy sarcastically hissed as she began to leave.

“Sit down ... please?...” Fran quietly pleaded as she reached out and took Maddy’s hand before she moved away. “…please? I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come across as it obviously did … please?”

Maddy relented and slowly sat back down in her seat while Fran quietly continued to explain.

“Believe it or not ... I’ve waited four long years to hear you say that. It wasn’t long after I started teaching you two that I saw something magical between you. What happened in Virginia ... hurt me as much as it did the two of you.”

Fran gave Maddy’s hand a final squeeze before relaxing and leaning back in her own chair. “I’ve always felt that you and Gaby were meant to be. Hearing you say how you really felt...”

“Sorry, I didn’t know. I guess I just wasn’t expecting a reaction like…” Maddy’s voice trailed off to an inaudible whisper. Following a deep sigh and in a soft voice, she began her confession to Fran.

“I just thought that if I told someone … it would be out in the open an’ I wouldn’t be able to hide it any longer … from anyone ... especially myself.”

“...And I’m that someone...” Fran softly offered.

“Yeah,” Maddy curtly whispered. “You’re the only person I felt I could talk to … outside the family.”

Fran reached across the table taking Maddy’s hands in her own and gave a reassuring squeeze.

“I’m honoured that you felt you could tell me,” Fran quietly mentioned.

“I don’t pretend to know why I did what I did back in Virginia ... or why it’s taken me this long to grow up and admit it ... but I do know this is the first time I’ve actually said it out loud, let alone tell anybody ... and ... it kinda feels good,” Maddy confided.

For the next half hour, Maddy quietly told Fran of the last four agonizing years and how it all started with her fears of loving Gaby more than Drew.

“...You know, it was only after you saw me at Gaby’s picture ... that I broke down and admitted how much I really did love her. It was actually getting painful to see pictures of her or even just to think about her and not being able to turn around ... and ... hold her (sniff) ... God! ... I need her so badly, Fran...”

“Sounds like you’ve cleared that first hurdle ... being honest with yourself. What do you see as the next step?” Fran softly asked.

“I’m not sure ... I guess I better tell Mum and Dad, hadn’t I?”

“You haven’t told them, then?”

“No.” Fran knew exactly how Maddy’s parents felt, from talking with Carol.

“I should think you’ll have to do that at some point. Have you told Gaby?”

“No.”

“Don’t you think you should?” Fran softly replied with a knowing smile.

“I can’t just call her out of the blue ... not after what I put her through (sigh) ... this is something I think I’ve got to say in person...” Maddy slowly declared. “...That’s if she’ll even listen to me!”

“I have a feeling she will.”

“She was so loving ... even after what I did on her fourteenth birthday … and I turned her away. I wouldn’t be surprised if I’m nothing more than a bad memory, now…”

“Maddy ... dear … don’t think like that. I’m sure everything will work out,” Fran offered in a reassuring tone.

“Sorry, Fran ... I know I should think positively … but…,” Maddy calmly replied.

“I know things will work out between you two ... just talk to her.” Fran wished she could just wrap her arms around Maddy and hold her.

“Maddy? Let me ask you a question. How do you feel ... really feel … right now?” Fran wondered after a brief thoughtful pause.

Maddy looked across the table at Fran, her eyes getting that glazed look, so common before the tears start flowing.

“Scared … and more than a bit nervous of what’s to come… but in a strange way … very calm,” Maddy quietly admitted.

“I can’t imagine how hard it's been for you these past years … but I do know that now you’ve told me ... in your mind, anyways ... there’s no turning back.”

As Fran spoke, she could see her young friend trying to hold back her tears. Reaching back across the table, she again took Maddy’s hands in her own and gave them a tight squeeze as she continued softly talking to her friend.

“Maddy … I know for a fact that she still cares very strongly about you and I’m certain she’ll do more than just listen to you. Give the two of you a proper chance. More importantly … give yourself a chance.” As she spoke, Fran reached up and gently brushed away a tear as it slid down Maddy’s cheek.

After sitting in silence for several minutes to let Maddy compose herself, Fran finally suggested it was time they should be heading out.

“Where do I go from here?” Maddy whispered as she looked at Fran with pleading eyes.

“I think you already know the answer to that question. Just let your heart guide you. I know this has been emotionally trying … but if you feel up to it … I’ll drive you home ... or we can stay a bit longer if you think you need to.”

“No … I’ll be okay ... we can go,” Maddy weakly replied. “Fran? Thank you … for everything.”

The drive to the Peter’s was subdued as Maddy thought about what Fran said. As she was getting out of the car, Miss Cowlishaw turned to face the girl.

“Remember, Maddy … if you need to talk … anytime … please call me. You have both my mobile and home numbers.”

“Thanks again, Fran. I just may do that… you’ve certainly given me a lot to think about.”

After leaning over the centre console and giving Fran a hug, Maddy got out of the car, gently closing the door after her before going into the house.

“And where have you been, young lady? School let out over two hours ago. I was getting very worried,” Carol impatiently asked. Maddy stood in silence, looking down at the floor.

“You alright, darling?”

Carol was becoming a bit concerned by her daughter’s abnormally quiet demeanour and the last thing Maddy wanted to do was play ‘twenty questions’.

“I’m sorry, Mum … I know I should’ve called, but I got to talking with Fran … and kinda forgot. I’m sorry.”

“Sounds serious. Were you at the school talking all this time?” Maddy slowly shook her head side-to-side.

“Fran felt it we’d be interrupted if we stayed in her office, so we went and had a tea at ‘The Gate Inn’. She just dropped me off now.”

Maddy didn’t feel like elaborating, so before Carol could say anything, she began to turn to leave and head up to her room.

“I know you want to talk … but I need to sort a few things out first … okay, Mum? … Please?”

“I’ll be here when you’re ready, darling,” Carol softly replied while gently squeezing her daughter’s hand.

That night Maddy found sleep very elusive. She repeatedly rolled over and looked at the digital readout on the clock radio beside her bed. Even when she did manage to close her eyes, her mind was in a constant state of turmoil thinking about Gaby’s reaction.

Once again opening her eyes to a darkened room, Maddy realized that this time it was the sound of her own crying had brought her out of her sleep. As she wiped a tear from her cheek, she became aware that her pillow was damp and her hair had stuck to her cheeks and forehead. When she attempted to role over to check the time, she felt the back of her nightdress sticking to her skin and feeling more like a diver’s wetsuit than a silk nightdress.

“3:00 AM … Oh, wow … ninety whole minutes of sleep!”

Although she had only a vague recollection of where her mind had taken her in those ninety minutes, she knew she simply had to take a shower, wash her hair and then change into a fresh nightdress.

When she got under the water, her thoughts once again turned to Gaby and the last four years. Thankfully, her tears were hidden by the cascading water and her sobs muffled by the sound of the water hitting the shower curtain.

“Will she ever forgive me and let me come back? … What will I do if she turns away from me?”

The nagging thoughts of rejection remained as she dried off.

Wrapping herself in a towel and putting her hair up in a towel turban, Maddy quietly found her way back into her dimly lit room. Closing the door, she proceeded to quietly change into a clean nightdress and tidy up her room while her hair dried, all the while taking care not to wake her parents.

Later, she found herself sitting on the edge of her mattress, near her night table. Staring at the drawer handle for several minutes, she quietly pulled it open and took out a framed picture of Gaby she’d scanned and printed for herself.

She felt a calming effect as she stared at the portrait held in her lap. A couple of stray tears fell onto the glass cover and she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. After she paused to wipe the tears off the glass using her nightdress, she then turned off her bedside lamp and while holding the photo tightly against her breasts, walked to the same bedroom window where she had watched Gaby leave, so long ago.

She pulled the curtains open, leaving the sheers closed. After a minute or two, she decided to open those as well. Bathed in the glow of the street lamp across the road, she stood perfectly still, clutching Gaby’s photo against her chest, staring out into the night and yet seeing nothing.

Just like the time she stood watching Gaby leave, Maddy’s whole body shook with very heavy, quiet sobs and her face quickly became soaked with tears as she hugged Gaby’s photo as tight as she dared.

“Gaby? … I’m really sorry … for everything ... please? … Let me be part of your life again … take me back … please? … I love you ... I need ... you…”

How long she remained staring out the window, she could only guess. When she did manage to focus on her surroundings, she saw the beginnings of a sunny June morning as the night was yielding to a brand new day. Glancing at her clock, she saw it was almost 6:00 AM. Considering she was up most of the night, she didn’t feel tired. However, she did feel an emptiness in her heart and it was one she knew she had to fill. Maddy slowly closed the sheers before she turned away from the window and walked to her mirror. Turning back to her nightstand, she lovingly kissed Gaby’s photo before carefully replacing it back in the drawer.

“Soon, darling … I promise.”

Maddy sat down on the edge of her bed, staring at the open drawer and Gaby’s photo lying inside.

“Fran was right … I’ve got to talk to Mum and Dad today … this morning. I really hope I don’t hurt them when I tell them, but I can’t put it off any longer … I love Gaby and they’ll just have to live with it!”

While she was getting dressed, she turned her attention to the things she knew she had to do and the sooner the better.

Later that morning, Carol answered the front door and cheerfully greeted Maddy’s long-time friend.

“Morning, Ally. What’re you doing up so early on a Saturday?”

“Hi, Mrs. P … is Maddy around?” Ally greeted Carol.

“Upstairs. I haven’t heard her yet, so I don’t know if she’s up or not. Glad to be home for the summer?”

“Kind of … starting on Monday I’m helping Mum with the store for the summer, so I thought I’d take advantage of my last free weekend to run into Sheffield and check out that new extension they put on the mall. Dad’s letting me use the car and I was hoping Maddy would come with me,” Ally cheerfully explained.
“She probably will … you know her and shopping. Why don’t you go on up and ask her? Time she was up, anyway…” Carol offered.

As Ally started to walk towards the stairs, Carol reached out and touched her arm, “Ally? Before you go up can I ask you a question?”

“Sure…”

Carol led Ally back into the kitchen where they both sat down at the small kitchen table.

“I don’t know quite how to put this … but ... you’ve known Maddy for a long time, right?”

“We began school together…”

“It seems ever since you kids returned from the States … well … remember Gaby’s fourteenth birthday?” Carol calmly asked in a hushed voice.

“Only too well … why?” Ally replied in an equally quiet voice.

“Yesterday after school, she and Fran talked … exactly about what she hasn’t said … and I promised we’d let her tell us on her own time. However, a mother’s intuition tells me that talk had everything to do with her and Gaby.”

Pausing to collect her thoughts, Carol continued.

“This whole thing is eating at her and I’m becoming terrified that if it keeps going on like this, she may snap. I honestly don’t know if I can keep my promise to let her resolve this on her own much longer.”

“Maybe she’d open up for me … want me to try to talk to her?”

“If you wouldn’t mind,” Carol replied as Ally nodded.

As Ally started to get up from the table, Carol asked, “I know you’re still in touch with Gaby. How does she feel about Maddy? I mean Jenny and I talk and I’ve even talked with Gaby a couple of times … but … I thought she might’ve been a bit more candid with you. If you know what I mean.”

“As far as I can tell … ever since this whole mess started, in her heart … she’s never let Mad go and she’s kept holding out hope that deep down Maddy still feels the same about her,” Ally mentioned before quickly making her way up the stairs and along the hallway to her friend’s room.

“Hi, Mad. Your mum said I’d find you here. Wotcha doing?” Ally voiced as she walked into Maddy’s room, unannounced.

Ally saw her friend sitting on the edge of her bed and holding a framed photo in her hands. Without moving her head, a somewhat detached Maddy briefly raised her eyes to the figure in her doorway, only to return to staring at the picture.

“Hi…” Maddy intoned.

From the tone of her voice, Ally knew that her friend was pre-occupied with other matters.

“Just thinking about some things a very good friend told me … an’ looking at this.”

Ally slowly sat down beside her, almost as if she expected Maddy to run from the room if suddenly startled.

“May I?” Ally quietly asked as she reached for the photo. Maddy briefly turned and looked at her friend, nodded and then handed it over to her.

“She’s very pretty … isn’t she?”

“Uh huh.”

“I take it she’s still not available?” Ally suggestively asked.

“Can’t have her … if that’s what you mean…” Maddy’s voice softened as she looked over at her girl friend.

“She’s mine … at least … I hope she still is … anyway.” The two girls held hands as Maddy felt tears welling up in her eyes.

“Sounds to me like somebody’s in love,” Ally whispered.

“That’s what I told Fran yesterday, after school. Somehow, I have to tell Mum and Dad … today,” Maddy softly revealed as the first tears escaped from her closed eyes.

“Have you told Gabs?” Ally softly asked as the two parted. Maddy saw that her friend was grinning ear to ear. “It’d certainly make her day…”

(sniff) “I’m scared Ally … really scared,” Maddy quietly admitted as she carefully set the photo on top of her nightstand.

Ally reached over and gently took Maddy’s hands in hers. “Of what? … Your ‘rents? … Gaby? … Or your friends?”

“All of the above!” Maddy confessed after a deep sigh. “I can’t live like this, anymore … always hidding what I feel from everyone … especially Mum and Dad … and … I’m scared of how people will react...”

Her unsteady voice, quickly faded as she once again reached out for a comforting hug from her friend.

“I know I have to do it, Al ... I just don’t know how.”

“Forget your emotions, let’s look at this logically.”

“You don’t have pointy ears, do ya?” Maddy sniffed, referring to Ally’s love of the Star Trek movies, as the two parted and sat up on the bed.

“Spock’s my hero,” Ally joked as she held up the Vulcan split-finger greeting.

“I still can’t do that…” Maddy weakly admitted.

“I’ll show you sometime … now as for people’s reaction to your ‘coming out’ … sure you might get a few narrow-minded types … that’s life … but this is Warsop. People here are generally more tolerant than some other places we both know about. So don’t worry ‘bout it … that’s my advice and I’m stickin’ to it!”

“Logical,” Maddy flatly responded.

“As for your friends … I’ve got a newsflash for you, girl. Bernie, Em and I knew you liked girls an’ had it bad for Gaby long before we even went to Virginia!” Maddy was gobsmaked when she heard Ally’s revelation.

“Was I that obvious?”

“Yes … you were. You two weren’t foolin’ anyone. It wasn’t hard to see how you always flirted and carried on with Gaby … but never with Drew … not to mention that you found every excuse in the book and then some, to have Gabs around!”

She then playfully added, “It wouldn’t surprise us one bit if you told us you even got her into bed!” Maddy blushed a deep crimson.

“MADEEE! … Really?” Ally squealed.

“Well … it wasn’t like I was under the sheets with her!” Maddy confessed while trying not to laugh. “Although, looking back ... I wish I did.”

“An’ you were worried about your friends?”

“So … that’s only the rest of the ‘gang’. What about school? What about Paul?”

“Sod ‘em … unless you really feel they can handle it and you want to tell them.”

“An’ Paul?” Maddy persisted.

“Think about it! Of all the times he took you out or hung with us, did he ever try or suggest anything?”

“No…” Maddy had to agree after thinking about Ally’s statement.

“He’s not dumb. Yes … he's attracted to you, but who wouldn’t be? You’re a pretty girl … but at the same time … he knows that given the choice, you’d rather be in Gaby’s arms … an’ he understands! Look … he’s a good friend and he loves you like a friend … but he’ll gladly stand aside for her.”

When she finished telling Maddy about Paul, she wiped a few tears from her friend’s cheek.

“I … I … had no idea. They all know?” Maddy sniffed.

“Your friends always have…” Ally whispered, as she gave Maddy a much needed hug.

“You don’t need to answer … but I hafta ask ... what happened between you two in the States? Whatever made you ever push that girl away? She literally loved you more than life itself,” Ally softly asked. “What in God’s name were you afraid of?”

“I really don't know ... God knows I've tried to, but I really don't know. We ... I ... used to do these fun little 'mind games' all the time, but I always knew when to stop ... and cuddle ... tell her how much I loved her ... why I didn't stop, I ...” Maddy softly replied.

“So you kept pushing Gaby until she did.”

“Yeah... After we left Grottoes, I tried to apologize a few times ... but I backed down each time. I mean, how can you apologize to someone after you hurt them like I did? Then after we got back here, and Fran explained why she didn't want to mention our win at the Cheer Comp to the rest of the school ... I lost it.”

“She never told you about...”

“She tried, but no ... not until she told everyone at her party ... then it was too late. ”

“It would’ve been so much easier on both of you if you two just sat down an’ talked before the party!” Ally quietly chastised Maddy as she gently stroked her friend’s hair.

“I wish we did too…” Maddy softly pondered in hindsight as she turned and picked up her pillow to cuddle.

“Mad ... you know I visited Gabs once ... right? She’s got a whole new life, now … an’ new friends. What’s more … all those friends? ... They all know about the 'girlfriend' ... you … an’ they don’t care. I’ve met them … an’ Gabs told me that they'd love to meet you,” Ally softly continued.

(sob) “Really?”

“Uh huh ... look Mad … I saw how badly you hurt her and how much it hurts her even now ... but I also know how much she still loves you and despite everything that’s happened between you two … she hopes you still love her. She wants you just as much as you want her.”

“I’ve really … (sob) cocked things up (hic) haven’t I?” Maddy tearfully asked.

“You said it ... not me ... but whatever you did, we can fix. Give the two of you a chance … an’ take it from there.”

“You really think so? When she slapped me at the party … I saw it was really over by that empty look in her eyes … and as soon as she told us about her letter ... I felt my world end. Every night when I close my eyes, I still see that hatred (sniff) in her eyes. (sob) ... and I can feel that slap as if she just did it ... and then when she moved (sniff) … she told me she didn’t want to see or speak (sob) … to me, again…”

“That was four years ago, Mad! We were kids. That was anger talking, not her. Yes ... you hurt her ... you hurt her real bad ... but I’ve talked to her since then … and she never meant those words.”

Ally gently rubbed Maddy’s back until she once again started to calm down.

“Ally? … (sniff) Do you really think she’ll take me back after what I did?” Maddy quietly asked, after a short silence.

“I know she will, Mad…” Ally said reassuringly.

“I wish I could be as confident about that, as you…”

“Trust me … okay? Now, take some time an’ go fix yourself before anyone sees you.”

Maddy slowly got up off the bed and went over to her dresser and mirror where she proceeded to repair her make-up. A short time later, Carol walked into the room.

“You girls like a tea?”

“Your mum’s here now … might as well go for it,” Ally whispered as she moved up behind her friend.

“Yeah,” Maddy replied in a half-hearted whisper before turning to face her mother.

“Mum? We need to talk.”

“I hoped you’d feel like that … now?”

“Yeah … at least Ally can block the door if I try to make a run for it,” Maddy dryly joked.

Carol quickly looked around and took a seat on the edge of the now empty bed. “Join me?” she asked, patting the mattress.

“Where’s Dad? He needs to hear this, too…” Maddy quietly asked.

“Ally? Would you please ask John to join us? He’s in the garden. Thanks ever so.”

“Al? Hurry back … won’t you?” Maddy pleaded. As she was starting to leave the room, Ally looked back over her shoulder to face her and nodded.

“I’ll be here…”

“I think I can guess what this is all about,” Carol softly offered as Ally left the room.

“You always could read me … but let’s wait for Dad.”

“This have anything to do with your talk yesterday?”

“Uh huh.”

A short time later, Maddy heard the unmistakable footsteps of both her father and Ally, on the stairs. Upon entering Maddy’s room, Ally went and sat beside her friend while John remained standing against his daughter’s dresser, facing the three women.

Looking at her parents, Maddy quietly began.

“Mum says you both might have a good idea of what I want to say … but … I’m going to say it anyway. I’m not going to try to explain what was going through my head the last few years because … I don’t really understand it all, myself … or why it happened. All I know is that I know what I want and what I need to do … now.”

Maddy paused to consider her next words.

“I’m here Mad. You can do this…” Ally whispered as she put her arm around her friend’s shoulders.

Maddy looked at her parents before quietly continuing.

“After I talked to Fran yesterday … I wanted to talk to you two but ... I didn’t know how to say it. Thinking ‘bout things and worrying ‘bout it last night, pretty much made it a lost cause … and you know what? I still don’t know how to say it.”

“Why not just say whatever ‘it’ is, without worrying how it comes out?” Carol suggested.

Quickly glancing back at Ally, Maddy turned to face her mother and in a clear voice, firmly announced, “Okay, then … your only daughter likes girls … and what’s more … I’m love with Gaby!”

Looking at both parents in turn, her eyes glazing over, she added, almost pleading for their understanding, “That’s just the way I am … and … I … need her…”

Seeing her daughter’s uneasiness, Carol broke the silence that had befallen the room.

“Is that all? Darling … this may come as a shock to you, but your Dad and I have known that for almost as long as we’ve known Gaby.”

Maddy was gobsmacked by her mum’s statement.

“What?” Maddy squeaked as she quickly shifted her glaze to her father. “Daddy?”

“Your mother’s right. You didn’t really think you could hide it from us, did you?” John softly replied.

Carol picked up on her husband’s comments.

“After watching you over time, it wasn’t hard to put the pieces together and figure out how you felt.”

Maddy sat beside her mum in silence.

“Just remember … it doesn’t matter who you love … man or woman … you’re our daughter and we’ll always love you,” Carol softly allowed.

“It doesn’t bother you?”

Maddy was a little shocked by her parent’s reaction. When she glanced over towards Ally, she was greeted by a silly I-knew-it-all-along grin.

“No … should it?” John softly answered.

“I dunno…” Maddy weakly answered. She never considered this reaction.

“Maddy … we’re not blind. We saw how happy you were when the two of you were together and we’ve also seen how miserable you’ve been since you came back from the States. Like your mother said … we had our suspicions long ago. I don’t know if it’s right to say we were expecting to hear about you and Gaby … or if we were hoping to hear … but we’re glad you told us.”

“What about being related? She is my cousin.”

“A very distant fourth cousin!” John emphasized.

“You two share the same great-great-grandmother,” Carol added.

“If either Gaby's parents … or us … didn’t feel that you and Drew were far enough apart on the family tree to be okay with it … both of you would have been told to ‘cool it’ from the start,” Carol lovingly explained.

“Now that it’s you and Gaby, why should we think any differently?” John voiced.

Maddy rushed across the room to her father and embraced him in an emotional hug. A couple of minutes later, Carol got off the bed and joined them. As they parted, Maddy sought to ease the seriousness of the moment by remarking, “I think those teas would go good right now.”

“I did offer … didn’t I?”

“I’ll go down and put the water on. I could use one myself,” John offered as he left the room.

“Why did it take four years to accept your feelings for Gaby?” Carol softly asked. “You had so many opportunities to reach out to her.”

“I dunno (sniff) … do you think it’s too late?” Maddy quietly answered, tears now leaving trails down her cheeks.

“Both Jen and I know it’s nowhere near ‘too late’,” Carol gently reassured her daughter with a hug.

“Mum? Before you go … I want to show you something.” Carol watched as Maddy walked back over to her night table and picked up Gaby’s framed photo.

“You left the drawer open a crack and I noticed it when the three of us were talking. We knew you’d scanned it from the Bond’s Christmas card,” Carol pointed out as Maddy passed it to her.

“How?”

“Easy. I don’t know if you were rushed or what, but you didn’t cover your trail very well. Carol smugly explained. “She’s become a very beautiful young woman … hasn’t she?”

“Uh huh.” Maddy’s reply was almost inaudible.

"You know … you two may not be able to carry off the ‘identical twins bit’ anymore ... but you’re still very much alike," Carol softly told her.

"Don’t think I haven’t noticed how you’ve taken to wearing your hair like her.” Maddy blushed at Carol’s observations. “Not quite as long … but … it suits you. I like it."

“Really?” Maddy quietly asked.

“I was quite sad when that boy put gum in your hair and we had to cut it so short,” Carol whispered.

“You think Gaby would like it?”

“When she sees you, I don’t think she’ll be able to take her eyes off of you,” Carol quietly answered with a comforting smile.

“Mum? When you last saw her … did she still hate me?” Maddy reluctantly asked as she looked into her mother’s face.

Carol returned Maddy’s gaze and fighting a lump in her throat, whispered, “She never did hate you, darling … just the opposite. She’s never lost hope you’d return to her.”

Maddy broke down in her mother’s arms and Carol found herself silently shedding tears with her daughter. All during this time, Ally stood quietly by with tissues at the ready as mother-daughter continued to hold onto each other and in watching Maddy come to terms with herself and her loved ones, Ally saw a little something of herself and her own conflicted feelings about Em.

“So … feel better now that you’ve told your Mum?” Ally asked after Carol left the room to go downstairs.

“Yeah ... I do. Ally? … You had every right to walk away from me at Gaby’s party an’ stay away … like everyone else … but you didn’t. Thank you (sniff),” Maddy softly replied as a tear rolled down her cheek.

“I’m just glad I was here to see you exorcise your demon.”

“Huh?”

“Never, mind … it’s nice to have friends back again,” Ally cheerfully replied.

“Tea’s on girls!”

“Okay … we’ll be right down, Mum!”

Later, as they all sat around the kitchen table with their tea and discussing the next step, John asked the next logical question.

“You tried calling her? The number’s in the phone.”

“I know … but Auntie Jen always answers and says Gaby’s out. I always left a message for her to call … only she never called back… (sniff)”

“Why not try now?” Carol softly suggested.

“They’ll just say she’s not there…”

“I doubt my cousin will do that to me! Let me try!”

Taking the cordless phone from her husband, Carol immediately found the pre-programmed number and hit ‘talk’. After waiting a few moments in silence, the girls heard Carol speak into the phone.

“Hi, Jen! … No nothing really special … but I do have someone here who’d really like to speak with Gaby … is she there? No? Oh … okay … if you would.” Maddy shot her mother an I-told-you-so-look as Carol continued, “Okay, then … here she is…”

“Your aunt wants to speak to you.” Carol quietly announced as she handed the phone to her daughter.

“Go on … it’ll be okay … you’ll see,” Ally encouraged as Maddy slowly took the phone from her mother.

Carol noticed Maddy getting emotional again, so in anticipation of her needs, she quietly asked Ally to grab a few tissues.

“There’s a box on the counter.”

“Thank you … here, darling … you’ll probably need these,” Carol whispered to her daughter.

“H .... Hello … Auntie Jen?” After a few moments silence, Maddy continued the conversation. “Yeah … uh huh … I understand … yeah … well, can you please give her a message for me? Tell her that … I … I’m sorry … (sniff) and that … I do love her…”

Maddy once again gave in to her feelings and began crying on the phone. Carol gently took the cordless from her daughter’s hand and then after checking that Jenny had hung up, slowly replaced it back on the phone base.

“Come here, darling.” Maddy rose from her seat and walked over into her mum’s outstretched arms.

“It’ll be okay. I’m sure your aunt will get Gaby to call back,” Carol whispered as Maddy continued to cry on her shoulder.

(sob)… She’s gone an’ it’s … (sniff) all my fault,” Maddy quietly lamented. As she closed her eyes, more tears escaped from under her lashes.

“I’ve a strong feeling you’ll be celebrating your nineteenth birthday … in her arms,” Ally softly suggested.

“She’s gon…” Maddy started to say.

Brrrriiiiiiinnngggg! … Brrriiiiiiiinnnggg! … “Got it!” John called out.

 
 

This is the final chapter of Book Two - Rough Waters.
Book Three - Reconciliation will start appearing shortly.

As always, all comments are greatly appreciated.


 

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It's about time, but Maddy is still a lying bit** PLOT SPOILER

I quote from when Ally is talking with Maddy.

>>
“I’m not trying to make it hurt worse … so you don’t need to answer … but I would like to understand … why? … What happened between you two? … What in God’s name made you ever push her away? … She literally loved you more than life itself … what were you afraid of? ... Was it how others would feel about you if they knew you had feelings for another girl?”

“After Grottoes? … Yes … it was!” Maddy spit out her reply as she threw herself back on her bed and started to cry into her pillow.

“You know you really could’ve apologized and told her how you felt … before she moved … instead of denying everything … it would’ve been so easy if you two just talked!” Ally quietly chastised Maddy as she leaned back on the bed and stroked Maddy’s hair.

“After she moved … I tried calling her … but she was never there … an’ she never returned my calls…” Maddy countered as she briefly turned towards Ally before returning her gaze to her pillow.

“…I really tried...” she whispered before once again, burying her face in her pillow amid heavy sobs.
>>

That’s a BIG FAT LIE, Maddy, or a suspiciously faulty memory at best. Gaby in the previous chapter talks with Jenny about these strange calls she’s gotten where they hang up after Gaby answers. Jenny reminds her that she’s passed on messages to call Maddy back but Gaby has not. Note also she does admit she first called AFTER the Bonds had moved to Germany, so she sure took her sweet time about it.

However these calls only appeared in the story in the last few months of the fourth year since Gaby and the Bonds moved to Germany. It took Maddy FOUR years to even consider an apology let alone admit she’s a lesbian? That is hardly a timely or polite response by Maddy.

I quote from Maddy's responce to her Dad:
>>
“You tried calling her? … The number’s in the phone.”
“I know … but Auntie Jen always answers … an’ says Gaby’s out … an’ she’d tell her to call … only Gabs never calls back… (sniff)”
>>

Well what do you expect, Bitc*? After waiting four years to even consider saying your sorry and why you said you couldn’t love Gaby and You expect her to call YOU???? Plus you had her on the phone several times and you chose not to speak, you sound more like a stalker than a girlfriend. You failed to admit Gaby did pick up the phone several times but you were to chicken to speak to her.

I’ll admit calling someone you are attracted to is difficult and the fear of rejection can be paralyzing, I have a terrible time with it myself, but come on, Maddy. Even when Gaby told Carol not to bring Maddy along if she visited them in Germany, it was not Gaby saying she hated Maddy, only Gaby saying it would hurt her too much to see Maddy after how Maddy had betrayed their love. She even told her she would always love her that night and on the day she left permanently for Germany. Maddy can have no doubts of Gaby’s love for her. She just is too stubborn to admit all that went wrong was 100% her fault. In her twisted little mind she has confused false pride with fear of rejection.

Frankly if she has such fears she should let Gaby go and do a *Hemmingway* on her self, you know, a shotgun in the mouth. Gaby deserves someone worthy of her unselfish love, not this emotional halfwit.

You can tell I like this chapter as I am foaming at the mouth by the end of it. You should write advertizing copy, PB, I'd buy anything you hawked.

John in Wauwatosa

John in Wauwatosa

John, I beg to differ with you...

There ARE grades of fear. Maddy, as depicted here, is VERY afraid of rejection... Rejection she believes she diserves, for the very reasons you mentioned. PB has shown that Maddy is VERY aware of what she has done, and the consequences.

If you look around, and talk to some people around here, on BCTS, I suspect you'll find a LARGE number that are all but paralyzed in fear (of comming out, etc.), and being eaten up at the same time. It's a VERY real situation.

As to whether Gaby SHOULD take Maddy back. That's a different matter, one that the author has the right of spinning out how she pleases.

I'll NOT put any spoiler info in. Should PB write this to bring the two back together, she would be demonstrating how big Gaby's heart is... Should she write this to not have them end up together, she would be demonstrating that Gaby is also human. Either way, a very powerful story.

Annette

valid points John but remember

These four years are 14-18. Do you remember at all how much a child grows up in those years? At 14 they may be relatively mature of body but the mind is still that of a child with all of the fears, phobias, and motivations of a child. Yes, Maddy was dumb, she was cruel, she was selfish, and she was incredibly immature. And she was 14! When you're a teen it's way too easy to get caught up in a fear and let it grow and take on a life of it's own. Even adults do that. At least Maddy grew up enough to admit that she was wrong.

Pretty much every point you made in your rant was true. I noticed the issue of the phone calls too. There probably shouldn't be an excuse but maturity is a powerful one. Maddy is a spoiled little brat of a teenage girl who finally decided it was time to grow up.

Yea, Maddy called, and Gaby never ....

called back. Do you return a call to someone that's apparently making crank calls? I mean, if you don't say anything, it effectively IS a crank call...

The "fear" you have Maddy express feels real. Someone in this circumstance (admitting you're different, and then telling people) is likely to feel a LOT of fear. In many cases, the fear is warranted. In other's it's not. That doesn't make the fear any less real.

Now, of course, this phone ringing is telemarketers... :-)

Thanks,
Annette

Maddy Has Finally

Declared her love for Gaby. Yes, it has taken her four long years to get the strength to confess to Fran, Ally and her parents, but she had a lot of emotional baggage to overcome too!!
She had to overcome the brainwashing she got while in Grottoes and then her fear of Gaby rejecting her love. She caused the break up of two families and she lost her friends for awhile. So please lay off of roasting Maddy!! She has done that own her own.
May Your Light Forever Shine

    Stanman
May Your Light Forever Shine

i know a 45 yr old woman that couldnt come to terms with what

she was (bi) and lost out not only me but the lesbian she claimed she loved over me. so maddy being a 14-18 yr old girl in todays society isnt unusual to have issues about coming out and all the worries fears just like the folks she claimed to love. takes one giant leap of faith. i know it from what i had to do even just to start a transition, and what losses i could of signifantly lost if i'd been outed b4 i was ready.
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One thing I never understood and likely never will get a true answer on, but i'll mention it here. is how on earth when i was in Marines with top secret clearances galore did they ever manage not to discover the real me or other variations on a theme. I mean they found things i had completly forrgotten about yet the two most glaring things about me were missed or completely ignored.
#1- was me being born intersexed. this i never knew for sure untill my last days in marines and the dr's dealing with my tescular cancer kept asking me when i had surgury down there and i kept telling them as far as I knew or any of my elders would even acknowledge I had either. but they proved rather conclusively i had surgury and likely organs removed. I was 30 @ the time. later on i did manage to dig up documents later on adding to the proof...none of my family ever admitted it even to taking that to grave.
#2 my crossdressing was pretty much in closet, but there was enuff traces of it, someone should of been able to sniff it out if they had found other thngs about me i'd even forgotten about.
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one of those things that make ya go hmmmmm .........giggles
still bothers me tho compared what some of those top secret background checks missed on others...and personally i dont think any of it was missed on me and that makes me suspicious why? the clearances was for activities that even now 30 yrs later is my entire existance in military was locked up for eyes only type... played heck with me trying to get and keep my medical & dental records, cause some of my medical showed me being wounded but also @ times when USA susposedly wasnt involved anyplace.....lol...not to mention i had to have a full bird colonel in operating room or anytime i was pumped with pain meds for least 2 yrs after i was discharged, of which i spent least 12 months fighting tescular cancer battle....alot of UNhappy senior military and drs and nurses around me 2 the time .....
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I giggle about now , but it was serious back then not to mention i didnt do well with treatments very well.
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running amuck here....back to my reading on book three .... here's to a reunion of gabby and maddie... and tho some dont believe they should be together....i'm not one of them.....sure maddy certainly deserved maybe more than she got, but in the end would have more punishment to her helped her or pushed her over edge even more .... If you killed off maddy or hurt her ...better do it to gabby 1st...because she'd never survived it either. and vise versa.
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I knew a couple like that ... thankfully they lived to be 104 and 105. my mom's parents. and even @ that ripe old age there was no doubt in anyone's mind they still loved each other dearly and they displayed it too.