Synopsis: Little Miss Muffin has been selling upscale dresses for little girls since 1958. Sales were nearly flat last year. Ms. Pennyworth, owner and president of LMM has discovered, thanks to her sister, a new market she believes can raise those numbers again. What Ms. Pennyworth needs now is someone to help her tap into that marketing. Of course, if you're going to start selling little girl dresses to guys, you're going to need a guy to promote those sales? Mark, Ms. Pennyworth believes, is just that guy.
Not So Little Little Girls
Players: Mark McLuhan, (Cindy Sue) first year collage student and marketing intern at Little Miss Muffin, Inc.; Ms. Helen Pennyworth, owner and president of Little Miss Muffin Inc.; Carol Winters Vice President of Marking for LLM; Susan Evans, Product Manager of LLM; Julie Pennyworth, sister to Helen and professional dominatrix and practicing nurse. Tracy Manchester, Mark's School Advisor; Hazel Worthington, dress designer for LLM. Terry Weathers and Barbie Sinclair of Flash Bang Studio.
Synopsis: Little Miss Muffin has been selling upscale dresses for little girls since 1958. Sales were nearly flat last year. Ms. Pennyworth, owner and president of LMM has discovered, thanks to her sister, a new market she believes can raise those numbers again. What Ms. Pennyworth needs now is someone to help her tap into that marketing. Of course, if you're going to start selling little girl dresses to guys, you're going to need a guy to promote those sales? Mark, Ms. Pennyworth believes, is just that guy.
Helen Pennyworth's introduction to business101 began in a meeting one day with her staff as she said: "If you put up a sign telling people you sell dresses, that's called advertising! If you walk down the street wearing one of those dresses with a sign, that's called promotions. If, as it happens, you're a guy in that dress and walking down the street, that's called publicity.
If you get to explain why you are a guy wearing a dress that's called public relations. If you can convince another guy that it's something he should be doing, that's called marketing. If that guy buys one of your dresses, that's a sale.
Lastly, if you can get a bunch of guys to buy a lot of your dresses and do so at a profit, that's called a new business."
Mark wasn't there when Ms. Pennyworth gave that overview to her staff.
The story behind those words began on a Saturday just past the first few days of Spring. Mark had been asked, by Ms. Helen Pennyworth herself, to attend a meeting she was holding. The thought of attending a meeting with the owner of the company left him giddy.
"Mark! First of all thank you for coming in on such short notice and thank you as well for giving up part of your Saturday," Ms. Pennyworth said after inviting Mark to a Danish, coffee and finally a chair.
Mark took up a Danish nervously, fixed his coffee and sat at the other end of the large conference table not quite sure why he was there. However, knowing Ms. Pennyworth and this only by reputation, he knew he'd find out soon enough. Given that Carol and Susan were there hinted that it obviously had something to do with him.
"Not a problem ma'am," Mark said smiling cordially, if not a little nervously. He added good morning coming in and a nod to the his boss and bosses boss. He sat and waited quietly for Ms. Pennyworth. Carol Winters, his bosses boss smiled warmly as did Susan Evans his boss. Whatever it was that brought him here it was clearly important.
Mark was an intern in the marketing department starting with LMM just a month ago. A great opportunity coming after an interview that had been orchestrated by the school. Although learning to market little girl dresses and accessories wouldn't have been Mark's first choice it was still marketing. Fortunately, marketing, the basics of marketing at least, was generally the same no matter what the product. And, most important of all it was a pretty fair job.
"Mark! Just over a month ago, about the time you were hired as it happens, I commissioned Carol to do a study on a small but growing segment of a new market that I believe can benefit from our product line. If I am right, this market could provide us with some fairly substantial sales in the coming months. The numbers, to put it mildly, are significant or so we believe. Significant enough for consideration at least," Ms. Pennyworth said as she buttered her own Danish.
"Yes ma'am," Mark said curiously, reaching carefully for a pat of butter resting on a bed of ice in a stainless steel bowl. There was a hint of him participating in something important floating within Ms. Pennyworth's words, or perhaps just a hope. A exciting kind of hope if this meant him getting in on the ground floor of something new. To do something like that would be nothing short of spectacular. Ms. Pennyworth definitely had his attention.
"Mark, up to now our dress line and accessories... it's successes, if you will, have been the result of our focus on a very upscale little girl Sugar and Spice approach. The extremes of that concept just for the record, and for some number of years now we've had few competitors. In fact, since 1958 we've been targeting mothers of little girls who, to put this into a little context, quite literally get a lot of their thrills from our frills," Ms. Pennyworth noted with a smile.
"Yes ma'am, I'm beginning to realize that," Mark said smiling over Ms. Pennyworths' slogan 'We sell thrills with our frills', when Ms. Pennyworth paused. Mark couldn't help but notice that Carol and Susan were mostly passive with only a causal, almost imperceptible series of nods as Ms. Pennyworth talked. Obviously this was Ms. Pennyworth's meeting.
"I'm glad that you understand that Mark. Frankly, at first at least, we were a bit hesitant taking a male into our business development group. Then again, it's been working out for both of us I hope," Ms. Pennyworth noted.
"It's is for me ma'am. I mean it's a lot of basic marketing and business development for the most part and I'm learning a lot. I'm very glad to have this opportunity," Mark noted.
"It's been our pleasure so far Mark. Remarkably and, as it also happens, this new market we're looking at is nearly identical with regards to this very same concept or ours. That is to say that this market favors the thrills and frills as well. Perhaps more so which is most of the reason it has gotten my attention.
Unfortunately Mark, traditional marketing is not going to be applicable for this market. However, we do believe that there are very specific marketing channels already in place that may work for us," Ms. Pennyworth noted as she cut deftly, daintily into her Danish. She took a small bite and patted at the corners of her mouth with a cloth napkin.
There was another pause as Ms. Pennyworth chewed her Danish. Mark, this time, only nodded as he took that opportunity and began to butter his own Danish. They were sitting on a tray over a warmer and his butter melted quickly over the fresh pastry. It made his mouth water as he took up his fork.
"Mark, our biggest issue is that this is not a traditional outlet for us. Not an outlet at all as a matter of fact, not by a long shot, so I've had concerns. Actually make that did have concerns till Carol provided me with a kind of overview and an idea. Frankly she's explained a lot so far that makes this viable.
This new market or those channels are intriguing to say the least. Intriguing and, with some amount of confidence in what Carol's has been able to come up with, I'm prepared to push this forward to the next step and that's where you can help," Ms. Pennyworth said smiling.
"Me? Seriously? I mean, I'm honored ma'am! I really am! Thank you," Mark said with enthusiasm. He'd been right! He was going to be a part of this 'whatever this was' and he truly was honored. He was a freshman in collage and even to be interning with a company this early on was almost unheard of. To help market a new product line or market would be nothing short of spectacular.
"I appreciate that Mark, I really do. However, don't thank me just yet, at least not till you've heard it all. Frankly it could very well be more than you're willing to take on," Ms. Pennyworth cautioned.
Mark saw the slight frown and sensed Ms. Pennyworth's apprehension, concern even. It could be she worried over his youth. His youth and perhaps believing his lack of experience might be a hindrance. He was desperate to get her past that. Mark felt she was on the edge of possibly deciding on a 'no' as easily as she might a 'yes'.
Mark had to say something and did, "ma'am, Ms. Pennyworth, I know I don't have a lot of experience and I'm younger by a couple of years for most anyone in my position... ma'am, believe me when I say that if you give me the chance, I really can rise to the occation." Mark said with as much confidence as he could muster.
"Of that I have no doubt Mark. Actually, Susan, in fact, has already convinced me of that. She's very impressed with your work so far. However, it's not so much you being capable of doing this as much as you're willingness to do this," Ms. Pennyworth said and added, "I actually believe you're capable and only wish, right now, that I had as much confidence on that willingness."
"Then allow me to say that I'm more than willing to do whatever is necessary to make this project a success. Whatever it takes! I mean that as well," Mark said with conviction. If she was going to say no to him participating in this, whatever this was, it wasn't going to be his lack of willingness.
"Great! Tell you what, hold that thought for a moment and I'll finish the rest of this before turning it over to Carol," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"Yes ma'am," Mark said feeling good that he'd been able to at least convince Ms. Pennyworth to still consider him. Obviously Ms. Pennyworth wanted him specifically, but clearly she harbored doubts. Mark was not going to let this opportunity slip by.
"Mark, this is all going to sound somewhat odd so I'll ask you first to simply trust me my reasons for asking. I will explain all of this in due time. So, first things first. Mark, have you ever heard the term: Adult Little Girls or Adult Baby Girls," Ms. Pennyworth asked.
Mark mulled the words over trying to remember if he'd heard those terms and not sure he had. He didn't want to sound naive, but he also wasn't sure if he understood the context either. Adult and Little Girl or Adult and Baby Girl, at first blush at least, sounded like contradictions in terms, but obviously not. Mark decided to be safe and said to her question: "No ma'am I don't think so, or if I've had, I don't remember."
"Well, that's OK, because up until about eight weeks ago neither had I. To put this bluntly, there are adults, both men and women actually, who enjoy dressing up as Little Girls and some, to a lessor degree even as Baby Girls. A few like to dress as both and surprising as it may seem gender doesn't seem to matter," Ms. Pennyworth noted.
Mark sat there a little surprised and most of that over those terms being associated with males given that those terms were Little Girls and Baby Girls. Obviously, it was fetish orientated or seemed to be. If that was true then it meant clothing and that, given what had already been said, gave a little context to Ms. Pennyworth's mention of a new market.
Given those terms and market issues, Mark was sure that his company was considering those people as a potential market. Mark, thinking about marketing and product issues, realized immediately what some of those issues could or might be. Mark hoping to score points nodded with a great deal of interest on his face.
"Your thoughts on this so far," Ms. Pennyworth asked.
"Interesting. So the only real difference, I mean for us to sell our product into that market at least, would be mostly changing to larger sizes? I mean if these are adults and they like the styles that is," Mark said and added, "and obviously it would mean moving away from our traditional marketing strategies."
"That's a very good point. Excellent! Very astute of you Mark and yes, sizes will definitely and obviously change. Remarkable, our styles do not need to. Actually, if what I've read so far is accurate, we shouldn't change anything at all in regards to our styles. Those styles would, as they are now, be our greatest product strength," Ms. Pennyworth noted happily.
Mark was thrilled that he'd caught on so quickly and that Ms. Pennyworth had noticed. He now had a context for this meeting and perhaps his role in this. Clearly Susan was going to head up or be part of this project and he, as her intern, would obviously be helping her.
Mark's heart pounded in his chest at the thought of actually getting on the ground floor of launching a new product into a whole new market. Mark's resume flashed across his mind. He would be miles ahead of his class mates.
Given that market or that it would be adults made it just as clear that there were manufacturing, distribution and promotional issues as Mark thought about it. Mark realized that launching a product in this market place would have significant issues for that launch to be successful. He considered some of those in silence given the nature of an adult customer base.
Mark understood just as quickly why Ms. Pennyworth didn't want to mix that part of the business with the other part. His mind was spinning over the difficulties of such a business, but the thrill of participating had taken hold of him. He simply had to be part of this, he mused, as he worked on his Danish.
"Covert," Mark said out loud but actually not meaning to. Mark had been thinking about the adults as a market and what difficulties might manifest themselves. One of those issues would clearly be sales and distribution. Obviously men did not shop for little girl or baby girl dresses openly. Not if they were already meant for adults. He was thinking out loud. Clearly the men and most likely women as well would need to shop discretely, covertly.
"What," Ms. Pennyworth asked when Mark spoke that word but not adding anything else.
"Sorry! I was just thinking about what you said," Mark answered and added: "About the uniqueness that is. Uniqueness, in this case I suppose, would really translate to some amount of secrecy... as in covertness..."
Mark paused realizing he wasn't sure his comment worthy of the meeting at this point added, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking out loud."
"No, please, go ahead and finish that thought," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"Well, I'm guessing those people that do this are doing so covertly, you know, hidden? I mean they most likely are very secretive or even closeted perhaps. Like I said, I'm just thinking out loud," Mark said cautiously, not wanting to overstep his place in this meeting.
"Excellent Mark. Mark, you've got a good grasp on some of the problems we might face in taking this on." Ms. Pennyworth said and added: "As you might imagine, it would no doubt require some relatively new marketing strategies...
...obviously a lot of new channels of advertising, sales and even some new methods of distribution given that men definitely, and women most likely, are not going to want to be too public buying from us."
"Definitely," Mark said as he mused over the issues of a guy dressing as a little girl or baby girl. Mark was beginning to catch on. He was a guy! As he thought about it he thought about how odd it would be trying to buy clothes not meant for a guy let alone something so juvenile. Just trying to understand girl's sizes had confused him for a time here when he first started.
Mark was the only guy in their marketing department and when he started he had no idea what most of the terms or words meant. He had to learn a lot of new stuff working here like bodice, gore, self slipped and so on. Given what he had to know he could just imagine what it might be like trying to buy just a regular dress in his size while not letting anyone know it was for him.
Mark's forehead gave him away, wrinkling some showing that he was thinking of some of the ramifications of this as he added, "it would be a very difficult market I would imagine."
"Yes, it would be. As you can see, there are clearly challenges here and we're not sure of all the challenges, so yes there are some difficulties to face. Clearly, we need more research! More marketing data... Lots more and it has to be relative to both males and females but mostly those males. The reasons seem obvious, but even in this area we're just not sure," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"I'm not sure I follow you," Mark said about Ms. Pennyworth comments on those reasons being obvious.
"Girls to a greater extent could buy our dresses in their sizes. A girl getting a dress, even a little girl's dress or baby dress in the mail isn't going to be as odd as a guy doing the same," Ms. Pennyworth noted.
"I would say that was a given. I mean there are all sorts of difficulties. Even about how they might purchase such things let alone wear them. Sizes too since I myself had so much trouble at first," Mark said again and of that he had no doubt. Only another guy could gather that information from a guy but then again even that might not be true. He wasn't sure yet how he'd do that but he was now sure why he was there. He was a guy and they wanted him to do the research.
"Then, as you have obviously guessed, it's clear... very clear that we need that information. Information we believe can only be gathered by a guy. Mark, it's abundantly clear it's not your typical information gathering either. Truth is we're going to need some very unique information that goes well beyond those basic marketing questions.
Yet, as you've come to know in the short time you've been here, we also need those basic questions answered as well. Obviously there are some odd notions and, most likely, some deeply rooted psychological forces at work here, but as customers they are going to have the same issues as any customer," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"That's for sure! I mean no doubt of that ma'am," Mark said feeling more confident that he was contributing to this at last as he added, "the complexities of this could almost be daunting."
"Exactly! That's exactly right Mark, and I can see now why Susan likes you," Ms. Pennyworth said and added, "so you can realize now why that research itself is going to require some extraordinary methods and, for the most part why I've brought this up with only a little context so far."
"Of that I have no doubt," Mark said becoming more at ease with this conversation and glowing over the complement. It made him want to say more as he added, "you can't ignore how odd it would be for adults to do this sort of thing in the first place. It's pretty apparent that to understand some of the reasons behind this would be key to marketing to those people. On the other hand, it would also be Marketing 101 at some point."
"You are right again Mark. Mark, what we really need is someone capable of first understanding those marketing basics, which you do, but more importantly we need someone willing to place themselves into these people's lives or perhaps life style as it were. At least this part of their life style. Frankly I don't think we can even begin to understanding those drives if we don't know basically what it is that drive them," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"I would say that too is also a given," Mark said echoing Ms. Pennyworth's comments. He was sure the information could be gathered but not sure yet how to go about it. He was getting excited over the challenges this posed and more so that he was actually being considered for part of the team. A large part of the team as he thought about it.
"I'm glad you believe that. I glad you've gotten a grasp of this, but from what I've gathered from you're managers here so far that is pretty typical of you. Since that is the case then allow me to note the most importantly part of this and why I've been a little vague on some of it...."
Ms. Pennyworth paused for a time and the room went silent. She was looking at Mark but she wasn't seeing him as if she was formulating the next part. Mark sat silently.
"Mark, it is my belief, and the consensus of both Carol and Susan, that the only way we are going to reach these people, and get data we can trust, is if we make this attempt with someone actually posing as one of them," Ms. Pennyworth noted.
"I would agree..." Mark said stating the obvious. At least it sounded obvious when he'd said it just then. He'd said it just as his mind caught up fully with what Ms. Pennyworth had actually just said. 'Someone willing to place themselves into this life style.... someone posing as one of them.... Someone, a guy... an adult guy... A guy like them... Adults... adult little girls, adult babies...'
Mark played the words over in his mind. Mark's chest tightened while his stomach twisted, both as his minds eye conjured up images of that life style. Images of him even remotely connected in some way to this life style had all sorts of ramifications. Then it struck him fully as he sat there. In fact, that so called "life style" was right in front of him. It was right there on the walls.
Actually it was all over those walls as Mark took glances around him. Pictures! There were scores of images of the Little Miss Muffin product line and those happy little girls all around him. Mark was looking at the various images of those little girls in their dresses trying to imagine those very same things on guys. Mark was having difficulty doing so.
Mark was having difficulty trying to imagine any man dressing as a little girl and then his eyes landed on a couple of the toddler images and those ruffled panties. Not panties he knew because they were actually diaper covers. Mark couldn't imagine those being worn by an adult at all, male or female. Then another thought struck him.
Actually, it only took a second for Mark to realize where Ms. Pennyworth was really going with this. It took only slightly longer for Mark to begin to imagine himself in those things and his mouth went dry. Mark took a sip of his coffee. He was hoping this wasn't what Ms. Pennyworth had in mind and worried suddenly that it was.
All three of them were looking at him. He was positive that was what they intended. He was also sure he'd somehow trapped himself with his damn 'yes ma'am' answers.
"Well, if you can understand that Mark, then you can understand why I've brought you here today. Obviously it's not an easy topic to discuss, and of course there is that next obvious question. Given those difficulties you yourself have outlined, makes it paramount it's someone like you doing this.
Mark, your own gender is the real key to this going to the next level. As you can imagine, it's the real reason I've been so long winded! Mark, what I'm trying to say... ask actually, and not doing a very good job at it, is would you be willing to be that someone. Would you be willing to take this task on," Ms. Pennyworth asked point blank.
Mark had an image of a fish jumping out of the water struggling mightily against the hook it had in it's mouth. A fish with his face on it. Him a fish and Ms. Pennyworth the fisherman. Ms. Pennyworth looking very much like a fisherman now reeling him in. He imagined Carol and Susan on either side of Ms. Pennyworth with Susan holding a net. Carol, he envisioned, was the one holding the frying pan.
"I sort of walked right into that one didn't I," Mark said after a long pause. He was smiling but fighting a little twitch on the left side of his mouth. Behind Ms. Pennyworth, and much of Mark's attention at the moment, was a large portrait, in oil. A portrait of a little girl dressed in the very best of the Little Miss Muffin Product line and as he looked at that little girl's face, the face changed. It was his face suddenly. He felt dizzy suddenly.
"OK, in a way yes. Yes you did, but only because you're astute enough to understand the issues and what we face as a company. However, understand this Mark, it is not my intent to put you into a situation that you can't handle. In fact, if... If after I've explained this and you still find it too difficult to consider, just say no. Say no and the worse that has happened is you've lost a part of your Saturday. OK," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"Fair enough," Mark said with a deep sense of apprehension. He was sure it was a 'no' that he wanted so give her, but not sure a 'no' answer would be in his best interest. He wasn't sure he even wanted to be there suddenly. It was, up to now, a wonderful job.
"Mark, first of all you are a very bright young man and I mean it. That much is obvious from your comments and on your performance with our company so far. As it happens, and as fortunate as this now is, you are our only young man working here. You are also becoming familiar with our products and our company. Both are essential to this succeeding if we take it on...
Given that, it's not too difficult that you are also the only candidate we have for this. Being male is clearly a plus, the fact that you've been learning about our products another and, as I've said, even better." Ms. Pennyworth said pausing to allow Mark another moment to mull that over.
Mark nodded not sure he could actually say anything at the moment. He was glancing at that little girl in the painting. A bell shaped dress made very full by several layers of slips and too short to hide that bit of lace on her bloomers that matched. A toddler actually, wearing a dress that came with a matching diaper cover. Mark joined his hands together to hide his nervousness and a slight trimmer that was getting worse. He was now ignoring his Danish.
"Mark, as you can also imagine, the companies connection to this life style could be very detrimental to our current reputation. Frankly I also believe that the potential for a negative impact on our reputation makes it imperative that we cannot go outside for someone new. Therefore, it has to be done in-house and I can't stress this enough. Moreover, this has to be done with a great deal of discretion and most likely as you yourself have said, very covertly," Ms. Pennyworth noted.
Mark nodded again his agreement but didn't dare say anything. Ms. Pennyworth smiled but she too was fighting a slight frown
"At present, and most likely for some time to come, we are the only people who are going to know about this. I can only add, given the difficulty of you doing this, I mean if I can convince you to do this, that I'm more than willing to compensate you - substantially. I am also willing to go to some extraordinary lengths to make sure your participation in this is kept just between us," Ms. Pennyworth noted.
There it was. There it was now on the table. They wanted him to do this as one of those guys. There was no doubt of that now. Mark was growing more nervous as he took quick, furtive glances of other images around the room. All little girls and all of them in frills. All of them with his face. Those dainty poses and it was him posing. Mark felt ill.
Mark had noticed the dresses before, lots of times. He couldn't help noticing since the Little Miss Muffin Product line was, to put it mildly, the extremes in dresses. He'd seen those pictures more than a few times, but not in his context. Mark had also seen the product line up close and in detail. Those details were now swimming in his head as he sat there looking at that oil painting again. It was still his face above that dress.
"Mark, let me make this very clear! You are never going to be at risk while doing this. Never! Is that understood," Ms. Pennyworth asked and added before Mark could answer, "and, for what it's worth, whatever it takes for you to say yes, is already a given."
Mark nodded weakly.
"I mean that Mark," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"So how would this work," Mark asked feeling his face flush at the hint he was even considering this. He really wasn't at the moment, but he wasn't sure of that. It didn't hurt at the moment to at least play along as if he was considering this. He also reasoned to himself that it was the marketing challenge still driving his curiosity. He also discovered, for a second or two, that he might be lying.
"Carol can answer that question better than I," Ms. Pennyworth said turning her attention to Carol.
"OK Mark, as Ms. Pennyworth has already noted, we're pretty much it as far as who knows. That's going to be it with one exception. Maybe one more person at most besides Hazel and I'll cover that in a moment. What I've proposed to Helen and now to you is that we take this study literally off-site. There are advantages to that for obvious reasons. I've got a couple of places already scouted out that are comfortable, very private and very secure.
Susan and I have discussed this at length and we belive that it will take roughly three months working directly on the Internet to gather enough information to be useful. Most of it are those basics we're going to need. Some of it not so ordinary and ultimately will be based on your input covering those issues that are not so basic. There are, as you might imagine, a lot of holes in our marketing plan still...
Our most difficult challenge is defining even the questions and then asking them without jeopardizing the integrity of the study itself. However, that is secondary for the moment. Our first and biggest challenge is in defining a credible persona for you so you can, in fact, go out and ask those questions. More importantly these people need to trust you so you're really getting some honest answers....
Mark, we think the best way to do this is to establish a web presence on the Internet. We think that's how we're going to get into this market anyway, which, simply put, means defining you as one of them. That, obviously, will mean a persona that fits or comes close to fitting the ones that are already out there. The thing is we're actually not clear on what is really out there yet....
Since none of us have the necessary background to do that, we are considering bringing in on more person with that expertise. Hence that other person I mentioned besides Hazel. Obviously that's contingent on you first agreeing to do this and then, of course, you agreeing to work with this person. To be a little less vague, she's a professional 'life stylist' who often comes in contact with these people and, to make that sound just a little less harsh or scary, she is also a practicing nurse...
As to how we actually gather this information, we are going to spend much of our time on the Internet and with this other persons help. We've identified a dozen or so on-line forums where these people meet and communicate. There are also a substantial number of paid sites based on this life style, and quite a few vendors that already cater and sell directly to these people. Even a few dress makers as it happens....
We will break those task down between us as a team. I am going to be doing the research and competitive analysis on those vendors. Susan will focus her attention on the paid sites and what their attraction is; and you, if you do take this on, will flesh out the marketing profiles based from those you interact with through those forums. It's going to be touch and go for a bit, low profile even. At least till we are sure you are what they would expect....
We will use our life stylist, as she calls herself, for substantiation and verification on what we present, then glean more as we go. Our goal, over the span of those few months, is really to establish the market, it's size, a reasonable profile if there is one, cost, price points, plans on promotional and advertising issues, as well as those distribution methods. We're not sure that our manufacturing has to change much but as you can see, it's really about rolling out a new business if there is one....
Mark, with your help, and in a few months, we hope to present Ms. Pennyworth with a viable business plan for her to consider, or not. Obviously, when the study ends your Internet persona ends, as well any connection you've had to this study," Carol took a breath, smiled and then paused as she turned her attention back to Ms. Pennyworth.
"Thank you Carol," Ms. Pennyworth said as she turned back to Mark and added, "Mark, in consideration of you doing this, and thanks to Helen's suggestion, the company and I are prepared to pay you as a consultant during this time. If you agree, and when this begins, you will be put on a temporary leave of absence with personnel so you'll be out of the picture over these next three months or so. Carol and Susan, while they will still have duties here, are going to spend some of their time away also working on this.
I am also prepared pay the rent of your apartment over the next three months while you live off site. I believe if you can separate yourself from your current life you'll be a bit more secure. Obviously you'll be taking meals for free as well. If you accept, we are going to work this on a normal work day basis so you'll still have your weekends off. However, your rate, as a consultant, will be based on fifty hours a week at twenty five dollars an hour....
Given the hours, this will give you a gross weekly income of twelve hundred and fifty dollars or five thousand monthly for at least the next three months. That should also help compensate for the school quarter you'll miss. Of course, you'll be reinstated to your current position immediately when this study ends," Ms. Pennyworth said and added, "or something more substantial if this actually works out given your participation."
Ms. Pennyworth got Mark's attention immediately when she mentioned the amount of money but also because of school. He hadn't thought about school until then and asked, "I would be worried a little about missing any school."
It was Susan who came into the conversation then as she said, "if this helps Mark, and I should have mentioned this earlier, but I've talked with your advisor saying only that we were considering bringing you into your job full time just for this semester. Given what she said, this would actually net you about twelve full units for the semester and complete your requirement as an intern. While you'll miss one or two classes, you'll actually gain a couple of credits and have no need for those classes. In effect, this could help complete your freshman requirements before moving on."
"Really," Mark said slightly thrilled over gaining that many units without actually going to any classes.
"Nice thing is Mark, it would pretty much satisfy your freshman electives which means you satisfy your entire freshman year. Obviously you will lose your current two classes by withdrawing but, then again, you'll gain four more in a figurative way," Susan said.
"That would be pretty nice," Mark said ignoring what that really meant still.
"Mark, I know this is a lot of information being tossed at you, and the circumstances are bizarre to say the least. I also realize that it's also got to rank right at the top as far as weird proposals go, but I truly belive, if this is to work, that it's necessary. Like I've already noted, I can't imagine anyone else doing this but if you do say no I'll understand completely. There will be no repercussions either," Ms. Pennyworth said and then as suddenly as it began, it ended.
"Wow," Mark said.
"That's pretty much what I said a couple of days ago if it makes any difference," Susan noted with a laugh.
"Can't add much to that myself," Ms. Pennyworth said but added, "other than to ask if that 'wow' was closer to a yes or a no?"
"I'm not sure," Mark said with more than a little apprehension. He was positive that little girl's smile had changed into a kind of sneer in the picture. If he ignored the ramifications of this he could say yes on a number of levels. The money, the challenge of the project itself and the opportunity to do real marketing, but that damn little girl eye's were looking right at him, and somehow he knew exactly what she was thinking.
"Mark, I hate to push, but I want this to start as soon as possible. Obviously it's not an easy decision to make so I'll simply say again that if we are going to have any hope of succeeding you really are the key," Ms. Pennyworth said and added, "and if it's a no, I'd like that as soon as possible as well.
It was funny in a way as Mark sat there fighting two forces. Two forces split with his ego in the middle. On the one hand it was that ego screaming to say yes for all of the reasons a young man climbing a corporate ladder might have. On the other it was that same ego screaming run, run and don't look back. He looked up at that oil painting and, after a moment more, smiled.
"Mark," Ms. Pennyworth asked slightly curious over that smile.
"Yes? Oh, sorry. I was thinking about... I mean I was trying to figure out...
Ms. Pennyworth, would you mind if I took a little bit more time to think this over. I mean I know how urgent it is for my answer, but could I have maybe an hour or so," Mark said trying to voice the one big concern he had, the most obvious, the most difficult to imagine at the moment and the biggest reasons for saying no.
He wasn't sure he could even frame the question at the moment. He needed more time.
"Of course. It's urgent, but not that urgent and I understand. Tell you what, we were going to get lunch but why don't we instead simply separate. We'll have lunch here and you can have that hour away from us. We can meet back here in say an hour and a half," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"Thank you," Mark said as he stood. He smiled at all three in turn as he walked towards the door. His legs felt stiff and he was sure his walk was different. He was happy to be out of there for a little while. He needed a breath. The women smiled back as all of them waited for the door to close.
Susan cleared her throat, Carol stretched and Ms. Pennyworth took a breath. All three relaxed noticeably.
"Well, at least he's thinking about it," Susan said.
"Actually he's definitely thinking about it, but not over if he's going to do this or not. He's thinking about how to say yes without sounding too enthusiastic. He doesn't want to appear as one of them." Carol noted.
"That's the impression I got as well," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"Did I miss something," Susan asked.
"That picture! The one behind Helen. He kept looking at it," Carol said.
"I saw that to. Some of the others as well, but I'm not sure I saw any enthusiasm in his face," Susan noted.
"Curiosity," Helen noted as a question.
"Definitely curious," Carol added.
"But is he curious enough," Susan asked.
"I'd say definitely," Carol and Helen said at the same time.
"And Susan, just for the record, it's time to say that was a real stroke of genius hiring him," Helen said.
"Thank you," Susan said.
Three months ago they had sat in this same room trying to figure out how to do this study and do so with a young man involved. It was Susan who suggested an intern from the school. It was also Susan who contacted Tracy Manchester, the school's coordinator.
Susan and Tracy had gone to collage together and over lunch Susan explained what they were looking for. Tracy was quiet for a bit, smiled suddenly and a moment later said, "I've got a young man that would be perfect for this. Not sure if he'd be willing to do this, but he's exactly what you are looking for."
That following day Susan, sitting on the steps of the library, was looking at her candidate eating a sandwich from the schools cafeteria. Tracy had pointed him out for Susan so Susan could study him. He was nearly perfect given his long hair and slight of build. More than that though he had a pretty face for a boy. Tracy Manchester had a keen eye.
Susan used her cell phone to send several images of Mark to her Boss Carol. Both Carol and, a short time later, Helen were looking at Mark on Carol's computer.
There was no doubt, as the two women looked at the images, that Mark would be perfect as their future marketing representative for the Little Miss Muffin adult line. All they needed now was a way to bring Mark in. It would be great if he came in under his school's intern program and that took only a phone call to Tracy with Susan's go ahead.
"Do you think he realizes that this involves the baby stuff as well," Susan asked.
"On a conscious level, possibly not, at least not yet perhaps. On a subconscious level I'd say yes. If not I'm sure he will soon enough," Carol said and added, "besides, as Julie noted, the real key is getting that subconscious mind to take hold of the conscious mind.
"Going to be interesting watching this unfold," Susan said.
"Definitely," Carol noted.
"Well, if those others boys I was introduced to are an example of what Mark will become, then it's going to be delightful watching this unfold," Helen noted as lunch came in.
Carol and Susan both nodded. It had been almost impossible believing the two boys Julie introduced to them that day were boys. Perfect little girls was how they appeared and acted right down to their curtsies. They were Julie's examples of this life style and, above all, her skills.
Susan had laughed when she realized how easy it had been to get in touch with a dominate when that dominate was related. Even better since this woman specializes in age play with adult little girls and babies. It was Julie, looking at Mark's picture that convinced her that Mark would be perfect. When the question came up on if he'd do it or not Julie said, with a lot of conviction, that he would.
Mark meanwhile was sitting on a table looking out at the playground attached to the McDonalds he'd chosen. He wasn't focused on the children as he went through the motions of eating. It was still a bit early for lunch and he wasn't really that hungry but the small burger and fries gave him a reason to sit and think.
Mark looked at his watch. It was time as he stood up to walk back to work. All three women were having coffee and talking casually as he entered. Salads had been ordered and sat half finished as Mark came in. There were cordial nods and hellos with smiles as he took his chair again. Mark declined Ms. Pennyworth's offer of coffee.
Somewhere along the line, as he was thinking about this, he'd realized that going on-line meant he most likely didn't have to be dressed. There was a slight glimmer of hope that it wasn't as complicated as it seemed. There was also the question of what an adult baby girl wore. He knew the answer to that but avoided thinking about it. That was the question he'd had so much trouble with.
"I don't mind saying that I'm as nervous as a cat in a dog kennel," Mark said smiling and his smile eased some of the tension.
"Mark, if it's any help at all, so are we. We are all treading on very new ground here," Helen said.
"Yes, but you don't have to dress like little girls or as a baby," Mark said and added, "I'm assuming that there would be some baby stuff as well? I mean clothes that is."
"Yes, but so would Susan at some point," Helen noted.
"Susan," Mark asked surprised.
"As I'd noted earlier, adult women, some at least, also like dressing as little girls and there seems to be a fairly high percentage of those as adult babies as well." Carol noted and added, "so Susan would be pretty much be doing the same as you once we've gotten your side of this study done."
"As a girl though," Mark said.
"Pardon," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"A girl as a girl. I'd be a boy as a girl," Mark said making it clear it wasn't the same risk.
"As a girl, yes," Carol noted catching what Mark meant.
"I guess it could be worse although I'm not sure how," Mark said.
"Is that a yes Mark," Helen asked.
"I'm not sure yet, a couple more questions first. I guess the question is how often I'd have to dress and then how much of that stuff I'd have to dress in," Mark asked nodding at the pictures.
"According to Julie, and she can explain this better when we bring her into this, the more often the better at first. There are notions and concepts that goes with this as a life style and you'll be learning about those most of all....
Julie was pretty clear that it's something better learned doing than by reading about doing it. We're also not sure what most do on-line but Julie can help with that as well," Helen noted and added, "getting into their heads means you understanding yours is how she put it."
"There is the promotional side of this as well," Carol noted.
"We'd be involved in that at some point, although Julie would be our outside coordinator for now," Susan noted.
"Julie again. I suppose I should ask who this Julie is," Mark asked.
"Mark, Julie Pennyworth is my sister. Julie is also a practical nurse and, in her words, a professional Life Stylist. Never really paid too much attention to her work till now. For obvious reasons I am very interested now....
I thought, given that she and I are related and that she is also a nurse, it would make it easier on you. Much easier than bringing in a total stranger. Julie is familiar with Adult Little Girls and Adult Babies and can provide that technical expertise.
"Life Stylist? What is that exactly," Mark asked.
"Exactly? I'm not sure," Helen said and added, "I do know that she helps develop those concepts for men who are exploring such concepts."
"Like a dominatrix or something," Mark asked a little nervously.
"Actually no. I mean I know from what she's told me that, as a life stylist, what she does is quite different for those into some of the other things a dominatrix does. In some ways it's more of a professional nurturer in a nurturing role but she can explain it much better than I," Helen noted.
Mark nodded his understanding deciding he didn't want to know too much more.
"As for your question on dressing and for how long, Julie can answer that better than any of us, but she has already recommended, at least for the first couple of weeks, a rather intense amount of time....
Full time actually, but only for a short period. Most of it would be simply so you can get use to the clothes, then the concepts and even the notions of such a thing. Again she can explain this better and will if you're OK with this," Helen said.
"I am and I'm not," Mark said but smiling at Ms. Pennyworth to show he was at least thinking about it.
"I'll accept that for the moment. Any more questions," Ms. Pennyworth asked.
"Lots, but honestly I'm not sure what to ask. So are we going to be using just our product line," Mark asked looking at the pictures on the wall.
"Actually yes and no. I'm not being vague here, it's just I'm not completely sure yet. I'm guessing you'll be part of that answer. Obviously we've got some number of competitors out there and part of the studies we should do is finding them. Finding them and learning what makes some more popular than others....
We also need that credibility as it were so buying things from those already known would be helpful. We might just as well get the basic baby stuff on-line since we don't manufacture diapers and plastic pants. That will allow you to become familiar with these vendors and, again, lend some amount of credibility in this market and these people," Helen noted.
Mark cringed at the mention of the diapers and plastic pants as he asked, "Do these people actually share that level of exposure with each other?"
"According to Julie, yes to some degree, but not always and not all of them. We would have to make that call when the time came," Carol noted and added, "However, there are going to be pictures for your web presence so the answer is you'd be wearing them for at least those people who are also 'out' as it were," Susan said.
"Out," Mark asked.
"Out in this life style," Susan noted.
Thought so," Mark said with a touch of apprehension.
"Not that much though," Carol noted trying to ease Mark's mind a little as she added, "I'm thinking that most do this in a minimal sort of way anyway so I don't see any reason why you wouldn't or couldn't as well.
"Once might be too often," Mark said smiling.
"No doubt," Susan said and added, "and understandable."
"Well, I think I'm getting the picture. So it would be mostly our stuff, but later and a few things ordered from these Internet vendors for now," Mark said.
"Pretty much Mark. Actually, Hazel Worthington, our dress designer, is going to develop our line in your sizes and while she knows what we're doing she's very discrete," Helen said and added, "although, for now, I think you should wear only what we can get on the Internet at first simply because those venders are known. We can use our dresses, to push our line later and once you've established a presence as it were.
"How is that going to work? That establishing a presence," Mark asked slightly concerned about someone else knowing and of course getting into dresses like the ones Hazel made.
"Logistically and with your agreement, you'd get measured here, privately and then we can do one of a couple of things once your dresses are made: "We can, according to Hazel, go to her place for the final fittings or she can come to where you'll be staying," Helen noted and added, "for now, she's going to make your clothes in her home and away from here so no one is the wiser."
"And how would this work for the Internet side," Mark asked.
"Mark, again we believe the sources for what you wear are going to be from two different areas: "First source, because we need the information, is via the Internet and those potential competitors. It would be very beneficial for us to get most of your things on-line for obvious reasons. Your second source would follow that and be directly from here based on what we've learned and what Hazel makes." Carol said.
Mark looked up at the oil painting of the little girl on the wall this time causing Ms. Pennyworth to turn around as Mark said with a smile and small touch of sarcasm, "why do the eyes always seem to be following you?"
Ms. Pennyworth held her laughter for a good few seconds as she finally got it! Carol and Susan joined in when Ms. Pennyworth lost it and began laughing with her. Mark joined in but was shaking his head as he did so.
"This is nuts," Mark said.
"Clearly," Ms. Pennyworth noted. Julie and Carol nodded their agreement.
"I'm nuts," Mark said.
"And frankly, if that's the case, I'm very glad you are," Ms. Pennyworth noted as she added, "and I hope that is a yes?"
"Yes, it's a yes," Mark said.
That part of the meeting had ended. The rest of the day was spent on the logistics of the program.
The logistics of the project began when Hazel was paged. She was in the building within the hour and spent a short amount of time taking Mark's and Susan's sizes.
Susan's things would follow Mark's and begin after Mark had some data to present. Carol, after a phone call, noted that Mark would meet Julie on Wednesday when he moved some of his stuff into the house. Carol would be taking care of the facilities.
The house was twelve miles North from the Little Miss Muffin building. Carol had secured it from an executive rental agency that managed rentals across the U.S. for companies that moved executives around. It was a modest three bedroom home fully furnished and stocked from an inventory of items. It was intended to provide a more comfortable place to stay for executives visiting for longer periods of time. All the agency knew was that it would be a well to do executive and her spouse.
A computer company did the Internet system setup as Mark was telling his land lady that he'd be gone for the next three months or so paying his rent three months in advance. Mark spent Wednesday moving what perishables he had to the new house. He got to meet Julie and see his room then. It was a girl's room. Thanks in part to Julie, a very pretty little girl's room.
"Mark, I'm going to leave this in Julie's capable hands," Carol said after introducing Julie. Mark watched Carol drive off. Mark stood there, on the stoop at the top of the steps not sure what to say as Carol's car disappeared past the large privacy hedge that hid the front of the house.
"Nervous," Julie asked smiling politely.
"Very," Mark said.
"Then let's take care of that first," Julie said turning back into the house. Mark followed.
They made their way to the kitchen with Julie inviting Mark to sit while she made tea. Mark took a chair watching Julie go about the task of making that tea waiting for her to begin. Julie didn't speak till the water was heating in a tea pot.
"What do you know about this life style," Julie asked.
"Basically nothing outside of what I've been told by Helen and Carol," Mark said.
"Adult little girls and adult babies are two different categories of life styles but can be merged into one single life style so I'll treat them separately for now beginning first with infantilism only because that's often the least understood," Julie noted.
"Good enough," Mark said.
"Then let's start there with infantilism and I'll start by saying it stems from a whole list of events going back to our earliest memories of our regressive dependencies. Usually, these dependencies occur during early childhood and then carried into adult. For many it's some sort of trauma that triggers these regressive desires. In others simply a desire to ward off growing up as it were...
In all most all cases it involves some form of associative clothing such as diapers plastic panties and or other objects specific to infants and or toddlers such as baby bottles, pacifiers and cuddly items. As you can imagine, this life style can then be object orientated or those objects can be aids to role identification. In short, some people dress up for the objects themselves, others for the role, "Julie noted.
"So dressing as a baby makes them feel like a baby," Mark noted.
"In a word, yes," Julie noted getting up to fix the tea as the tea pot began to whistle as she added, "ironically, you, me and most everyone practice infantilism in one form or another."
"What? How so," Mark asked.
"Ever come home after an extremely tough or stressful day and curl up in bed or in front of the television," Julie asked.
"Definitely," Mark noted.
"That is a form of regressive behavior we've taken from childhood into adult. Ignoring or the desire to ignore whatever the causes of our stress is easily achieved by turning within or stepping back as it were," Julie said.
"Really," Mark noted as Julie returned with his cup, a tea bag and the tea pot. Mark opened the tea bag, sat it in his cup and watched as Julie poured the steaming hot water into his cup.
"You are, in a way, revisiting a period that is remembered in some form or fashion. Infantilist do the same thing but, in their case, they use aids to isolate and focus on that behavior to assist them in their transition. A few even fold in a maternal figure who can and often does represent those memories of nurturing," Julie noted.
"So you, if I understand this correctly, are representative of that maternal figure for these people," Mark asked.
"Exactly. You, or rather the infantilist, have developed specific understandings of a nurturer which, by definition can be a mother, aunt or even a baby sitter. In most cases this nurturer is some sort of authoritative figure and most often adult to your or their... or your child relationship....
Again, it goes back to our core development and the structures we begin defining from those days forward. Mark, we all hate to give up being mothered and some worse than others. The extremes, in those cases, become infantilist," Julie noted.
"How odd and yet how completely understandable," Mark said and added, "but what about the guys, and girls I guess, that like dressing as baby girls? OK, so I can sort of understand the baby stuff but for a guy why the baby girl stuff?"
"While that seems to complicate things and admittedly for some it does, it's really pretty simple and mostly because baby girl clothes are cuter... they feel better on. Obviously there is a transgendered view of this as well or those desires by some men to be more female, but the fact is girl's clothes, baby girl or toddler girl clothes especially, are just cuter," Julie noted as she fixed her tea.
"So they ignore the fact that they are guys and simply dress as girls," Mark asked.
"Pretty much," Julie noted as she shared the sugar bowl and creamer already on the table as she added, "obviously it's far more complicated than what I've given you but then again, so is most of life. Truth is, if you ignore those basic feelings that identify our taboos, it's fairly understandable or easy to relate to."
"It is," Mark said as he did try and ignore those taboos that had been popping into his head since this began. Difficult given that he was about to embark on this marketing quest and to do so would require him to do those very same things as he added, "easy to look at and study but difficult imagining doing that sort of thing."
"Mark, you're going to be in a remarkably unique position and some of it because you'll be approaching this from a kind of academic or clinical perspective while deep down it's going to be impacting you. Impacting you and not too unlike those you'll be studying and we should discuss that aspect as well," Julie noted as she blew over the rim of her tea.
Mark picked up his cup, pausing at that moment to sip and contemplate. Julie already knew what was going through Mark's mind.
"Of course there is the eroticism of this as well and unavoidable just so you know," Julie noted and added, "are you familiar with the term onanism?"
"Onanism? No, what's that," Mark asked.
"Onanism for adults is manual stimulation of the genital organs of yourself or by another for sexual pleasure. Masturbation if you will. However, in babies it's part of the bonding process," Julie noted.
"What," Mark said a little shocked.
"It's not exactly what you are thinking. Mark, as babies we are only aware of our own emotions with nothing but those emotions to carry us from day to day. We are either happy or not depending on a whole host of things including hunger, comfort and our dependency on nurturing. Believe it or not, the very act of diapering a baby is autoerotic and a strong part of the bonding process," Julie noted allowing a moment for that to sink in.
"Autoerotic? How," Mark asked.
"We are stimulated sexually since all of our nerve endings are fully developed at birth by almost everything that touches our genitals. Baby wipes, baby oil, powdering and the diaper itself act as stimulation of our genital organs. It's not for sexual pleasure, obviously, but it's sexually pleasant nonetheless. Pleasant for the mother as well as the baby....
However, we are adults in this context so as adults our concepts have gone beyond a simple pleasurable experience and becomes sexual pleasure. Onanism as defined is the manual stimulation of the genital organs for that sexual pleasure and is one of the reasons, besides a simple desire to nurture, why some, in context to role playing, like being parents and others like being parented....
A baby is erotically stimulated but doesn't know that. All it knows is that the act of diapering is pleasant," Julie noted and added, "on the other hand, an adult is sexually turned on by the act of diapering because he or she knows what is happening."
"Because it's already a turn-on," Mark noted.
"Yes and no! Yes because we have evolved past being babies so the act of touching genitals is now considered a sexual act, and no because some adult babies are capable of ignoring that sexual stimulation," Julie noted.
"I see. I think," Mark said trying to keep himself on a clinical level.
"The thing is Mark, you'll react to your diapering and that reaction will bother you to some degree," Julie noted and added, "on the one hand it's going to be very pleasant, very erotic as well, while on the other side of this double sided coin it will also be unnerving because it is so pleasant. Pleasant and consciously you shouldn't like it."
"I hadn't thought about that part," Mark said feeling the pangs of what Julie was saying as he sat there. He was trying to reconcile those two conflicts she noted and couldn't.
"I know and it's why I mention it. Mark, we're going to be close physically and just as quickly, because of that physical contact it will become mentally just as strong....
As odd as it might seem, there are going to be some very strong very erotic bonds linking us together right at the start of this. I'm mentioning this so you're aware of it. I want you to understand that it's unavoidable, and it's not you per se but the acts that are causing it," Julie noted.
"So I'll be turned on but I might not be able to do anything about it," Mark asked only slightly confused.
"Actually, you WILL be turned on and what you do about it will depend on what you want to do about it," Julie said and added, "it's your hang-ups that will be in conflict with your desires."
"My hand-ups? Got lots of those I'm beginning to realize," Mark said.
"Definitely and that's pretty normal. The advantage you have, if it helps, is that this is an exercise and not really a life style. You're going to be a lot better off that most," Julie noted.
"Hows that? I mean I'm going to be doing some pretty weird things," Mark noted.
"You are, given your notions of this but again, the advantage you have is that you're not being driven by a whole lot of complex notions. Very important difference," Julie said and then smiled as she added, "which is why it might be better to split you into two distinct personas. Actually we'll simply be adding a persona."
"You mean personality," Mark asked.
"No, I meant persona. A personality, especially in this case, would be a complex of all those attributes you've grown up with. Attributes relative and very specific to whatever it was that might bring you to this point. There are behavioral, temperamental, emotional and mental changes that could, as in many cases, go back to when you were a child...
In the development of a persona we're talking about a characterization of an individual. More like an actor's portrayal of someone in a play. You're really not going to be an adult baby or little girl, just pretending to be. Big difference and for you a big advantage," Julie said.
"Hows that make a difference for my hand-ups," Mark asked starting to like the notion that he was acting or going to be acting.
"You don't need to get over your hand-ups. You get to keep those hand-ups intact so you don't need to get over the guilt of doing this. That's a big part of this for a lot of men, that guilt," Julie said and added, "it's a big part of what I do when I'm helping men become sissies, babies and feminine."
"So when is this going to start, this acting," Mark asked.
"Right now and we need to define your Character first," Julie said before pausing. She was quiet for a time before a light smile as she added, "Cindy Sue."
"Cindy Sue," Mark asked when Julie didn't say anything else.
"Cindy Sue is a little girl, a very sweet little girl just on the verge of breaking away from diapers. She still wears diapers but she is beginning to use the potty some. Cindy Sue is going to be my companion doll," Julie said and added, "and she is a very girly little girl. Cindy Sue loves being a girl."
"And I'm this Cindy Sue," Mark said.
"You will be but the nice thing is you'll be acting the part and not really the part," Julie said.
"OK. So now what? I mean I've never acted before," Mark said.
"That part of this is going to be a kind of 'on the job training'. You really won't have to act per se, just learn the role. As I noted, Cindy Sue is going to be persona. In Jungian psychology, Cindy Sue is a personal facade that you will develop to present to the world. You are going to be a pretend Cindy Sue."
"I'm still not sure what that means as far as what I have to do," Mark said.
"First things first. Cindy Sue doesn't exist yet, so we're going to need to create her. Most of that is going to be how she looks first so that's first," Julie said.
"Got it," Mark said.
"Since Cindy Sue doesn't have anything to wear yet, we're going to have to start getting her things to wear," Julie noted.
"On-line shopping," Mark asked.
"On-line shopping for sure but a lot of the basics we can get now," Julie noted as she took up her purse.
"Basics," Mark asked suddenly nervous.
"You know, baby powder, makeup, something to sleep in, disposable diapers and etcetera. Cindy Sue needs all kinds of things to become a little girl. So, let's first shop for some of those basics and then, when we get back, we'll do some on-line shopping," Julie said.
"We're going out to shop? I'm shopping," Mark said in a little bit of a panic.
"No, we're going out to shop for Cindy Sue. You are Mark shopping for Cindy," Julie said.
"Oh, I get it. So I'm not shopping for myself," Mark said feeling the tension ease a little.
"Not at all. Mark is an adult and doesn't need diapers. Mark is also Male and doesn't wear girl's clothes. Cindy Sue on the other hand needs both," Julie said.
"I'm beginning to like the idea of a persona," Mark said.
"Thought you might," Julie said as she opened the front door.
"I mean not having to shop for myself that is," Mark said hurriedly as he realized that it might mean he liked shopping for himself.
"I know what you mean honey, I've been doing this for a long time," Julie said as she started the car, then added, "and on the way, I want you to consider what Cindy Sue might like."
"I don't have a clue on that sort of thing," Mark said.
"Of course you do. Mark, you know what is cute, what is pretty and what is feminine. While we shop, consider that Cindy Sue likes things that are cute, pretty and feminine. Remember, she is a little girl that loves being a little girl," Julie said.
"So she's going to like pink, right," Mark said.
"Pink, lavender, pastels, almost all of the softer colors perhaps. I don't know what Cindy Sue likes exactly, but you do," Julie said.
"Me," Mark asked.
"She is your persona honey. You'll have to chose what she likes as part of developing that persona," Julie said smiling.
"Oh," Mark said getting nervous again.
"And we'll begin first with her disposables," Julie said pulling into the parking lot of a large pharmacy as Julie asked, "so what is her waist size?"
"A twenty two," Mark said as he began to realize what it was Julie was doing.
"That's going to give us a good range of products," Julie said as she started to get out of the car.
"Cindy Sue can almost wear the toddler diapers. Her waist size is very close to a toddler's size six, chubby. That's a good thing," Julie said.
"Hows that," Mark asked as he walked around the car to join up with Julie.
"They've got a nice mix of products for babies and little girls that still wear diapers. Some cute patterns on the diapers. Might even find baby pants that will fit her here," Julie said.
"Oh," Mark said feeling very self conscious at the moment.
Mark took up a shopping cart and followed Julie to the baby diaper section.
"Go ahead and get the baby powder, baby oil and a diaper rash ointment while I look for Cindy Sue's diaper sizes," Julie said as she moved off down the isle leaving Mark near the baby pharmaceuticals. He took up a bottle of baby oil, chose Johnson's Baby Powder and found the ointment.
"Cindy Sue might like these," Julie said as Mark wheeled the cart to where she was.
"Hows that," Mark said looking at the package of disposables Julie held.
"Princess. What little girl doesn't want to be a princess," Julie said handing Mark the package of disposables. There was a toddler girl standing in the small image with just a diaper on and another image enlarging the waist band to show the word Princess written in script across the band as Julie added, "think she's going to like wearing diapers that say princess on them?"
Mark blushed at the question. This wasn't going to be as easy as he thought. He was looking at the package and the words 'For Girls' came to him. The package was banded in pink leaving little doubt it was meant for girls. He was looking at diapers for him and not for his persona. Mark was also looking around to see who was close by as he added, "I guess so."
"Not sure? Well, that's understandable. Tell you what, let's look at the other diapers for girls and she if there is one she might like better," Julie said as she turned towards the shelf.
"I think she's going to like these," Mark said in a kind of desperate whisper. Last thing he wanted to do was spent any more time in that area.
"Excellent. Now lets find something for her to wear at night and then go see what kind of bubble bath she likes. They've got a good selection of little girl makeup kits as well," Julie said as she moved down the isle a few feet.
"These are not for night time," Mark asked.
"Heavens no. Little girls wet more at night. We're going to need something thicker for her to sleep in. These are for day use," Julie said not turning to look at Mark who was looking at the package again. Day use, he mused.
"Oh, right," Mark said trying to sound casual. Julie found a package half again as big as the one Mark put in the cart. 'Night Time Diapers' the package read. Same count Mark noticed but the thicker package made it obvious the diapers in this one were thicker.
The cart had both packages when they pushed off to the end of the isle.
"Grab her a couple of pacifiers and a couple of baby bottles," Julie said as they reached the end. There were a dozen brands for the baby bottles and a vertical row of pacifiers.
"Which ones," Mark asked in a whisper as a woman pushed her cart past. She smiled casually as Mark moved his cart but Mark blushed.
"Pick one she's going to like," Julie said as she was looking over the eating utensils.
Mark was getting very uncomfortable with this knowing he was picking things for himself. He looked that different styles of pacifiers and colors quickly deciding to just grab a pink one.
"Strap, don't forget the strap," Julie noted as she took up a couple of packages holding baby spoons and forks. One was decorated with a My Little Pony motif, the other was pink with Princess written on them.
"Strap," Mark asked.
"For her pacifier. Holds her pacifier to her little dress so she doesn't lose it," Julie said as she came over with the two packages of utensils and asked, "which of these do you think she will like?"
"Princess would match the diapers," Mark said blushing over what he'd just said. It meant he was thinking about her or rather him as her.
"Excellent. Exactly what I was thinking," Julie said.
"What about this one," Mark asked holding the pacifier strap out for Julie to look at. It was pink with a small bunny over the clip.
"Think she'll like that," Julie asked. This was getting odd Mark mused.
"I think so," Mark said trying to find a better way to say yes. She was making him pick everything and that was unnerving.
"Get that one then," Julie said putting the Princess spoon and fork in the cart as Mark added the pacifier strap. Mark was glad that was over until Julie stopped at the bibs.
"That one," Mark said quickly. He didn't want to be in that isle any more.
"Cute," Julie said as she lifted the big from the rack. It read Princess on it as well and looked large enough to fit around Mark's neck. Another reason to blush, he noted, as he felt his face heating up.
"Why Cindy Sue," Mark asked trying to find something else to talk about.
"The name," Julie asked.
"Yes," Mark answered.
"She was my first companion doll," Julie said.
"What's a companion doll," Mark asked.
"They were nearly life size. Patti Play Pal dolls were made almost child like so they fit the same clothes as the little girl. Just as big in some cases. Wonderful friends if you were a little girl. The one I had I named Cindy Sue," Julie said.
"So it's a doll's name," Mark said not sure he meant to say it out loud.
"Yes. When I met you I noticed that your head came almost to the top of my shoulder and when I got my first Patti Play Pal, Cindy Sue, she came right to the top of my shoulder. That made me think of the name. If you'd rather pick your own name that's OK," Julie said.
"No... No, Cindy Sue is fine. I was just wondering why the name is all," Mark said not missing the fact that Julie stood a foot taller than he was. Something unnerving about being the same proportional size as a doll once was and worse getting her name.
"Well, we've got Cindy Sue's diapers, bib and fork and spoon, so what's say we go find her some makeup to play with," Julie said happily.
"Isn't Cindy Sue too young for makeup," Mark asked.
"Absolutely, but she's a little girl and little girls love playing dress-up. It's how little girls learn to be big girls. You realize, Mark, that boys who start dressing as girls are very much like little girls in some ways," Julie said.
"Hows that," Mark asked as the started moving out of the baby isle.
"Boys, for obvious reasons, don't have a clue about makeup, clothes or even dolls for that matter. It's all new when they start doing this, no matter their age. It makes it kind of nice for a mommy type because it really is like having a little girl to teach," Julie said.
"But in my case, it's just a persona... right? I mean I don't have to go through all of the things these kind of guys go through," Mark said.
"On the contrary, you'll need to do even more in some ways, because of that persona. You've got to know what these boys go through and they go through a lot of different things. You can't relate to a guy that starts talking about makeup if you've never tried makeup, right," Julie asked.
"No, I guess not," Mark said not sure if that was a good thing or a bad thing. The thing bothering him now was what it was those guys did.
"So it's off to find Cindy Sue some makeup and some nice bath products," Julie said pausing in the main isle to catch sight of the sign she was looking for as she added, "there we are."
Mark followed with the cart of diapers and baby things feeling very self conscious as he pushed past a half dozen women. The fact that his cart held the diapers was enough to unnerve him and feel those eyes on him. They found the isle next to counter space against the wall and a little girl's section for the makeup kits.
First thing Julie said was, "why don't you find a cute makeup bag and I'll start looking at kits."
"Great," Mark said stopping at the section with girl's bags. Princess again, he mused, deciding that at least keeping to that theme kept the choices down which kept the amount of time looking short as well as he added, "this one."
"How cute! You know, I'm beginning to think Cindy Sue really does want to be a princess," Julie said smiling as Mark put the clear plastic bag with pink trim into the cart. Mark's face turned crimson Julie said that. He didn't want to be a princess at all and almost said so. It was just easier was all, he mused, but kept silent.
"Here we go," Julie said handing Mark a square box that she opened before Mark took it. Mark was holding it as Julie used a finger to point to the various colors of things arrayed in the box, "eye shadows, liners, lip gloss and I like the soft colors and blush. Everything a little girl needs to play dress-up."
"Perfect," Mark said with a touch of sarcasm in his voice as Julie added that to the cart.
"It will be. Now lets find you your bath products and a little perfume to spritz with. I really love the small of Lovs Soft Baby Lotions and perfumes. Very feminine with a nice undercurrent of baby powder," Julie said as she moved along a long isle of perfumes and lotions.
Mark saw the label as Julie reached it and watched as Julie picked up the spray before saying, "here, give my your wrist."
Mark extended his hand, palm up and Julie gave it a short spray as she said, "now rub your wrist together."
Mark did and instantly the area smelled of perfume and baby powder scent. A woman walked past, paused a second, looked at Mark, smiled and walked on. Mark wanted to die under that gaze as he realized he was standing right in the middle of girl stuff and had just been spayed with a girl's perfume.
"Like it," Julie asked and what made it worse was that woman not six or seven feet away heard it. She looked again at Mark and again smiled.
"Can we go," Mark whispered.
"Not yet..." Julie said and paused as she realized what it was bothering Mark. She smiled, patted his shoulder and said, "That is one of the joys and fears a boy has doing this. Mark, trust me, she thinks it's cute."
"Cute? How do you know what she's thinking," Mark whispered as the woman walked off.
"Her smile. It was amusement. If she didn't think it was cute she would have scowled," Julie said.
"So she knows," Mark said in a slight panic.
"She doesn't know, obviously, but she's guessing for sure. Mark, this is all about understanding those boys and you've never had to do any of the things those boys have had to do. You're living above ground," Julie said.
"What? Above ground? What's that mean," Mark asked.
"The underground is where people move about when they've got something that doesn't fit the patterns that allow you to move about 'normally'. It's a metaphor. OK, let me try this... If you came in to buy diapers, say for a friend, or a gift like that makeup, you'd be a little self conscious of doing so but you could do it. Right," Julie asked.
"I suppose... Yes, I could do it if it was a gift or favor. I wouldn't like it but I'd do it," Mark said.
"Only now it's for you and even though it might still be a favor or gift, the fact that it's for you makes you nervous. Very nervous and very self conscious. That's what a boy feels when he's buying stuff he shouldn't like," Julie said and added, "and when someone looks at you under those conditions, it's kind of scary."
"Very scary," Mark said and added, "so do you think the girl at the check out is going to think this stuff is for me?"
"Mark, this isn't meant to make you feel any worse, but it is a kind of reality check. You have very long hair, you've got a pretty face and you're petite. You can almost be a girl with very little effort. Now before you faint, I'm sure you've at least considered that at times. Right," Julie asked.
"I suppose," Mark said.
"What's change between then and now," Julie asked.
"That I'm getting these things and that they might be connected with me," Mark said.
"Exactly right. Mark, this is your first day in that between world. Up to now you've only had to consider, remotely, that you're a bit more feminine than most boys. What's changed is that you are more feminine than most boys. What people are connecting with now, some at least, is these snapshots or windows of speculation," Julie said.
"I don't follow," Mark said.
"Mark, if you are in the men's section, no one will give you a second look, even with your hair as long as it is. However, that's a clue and when you stepped into the girl's section, another clue. Some people put two and two together or believe they have. That woman did the math, some don't... some do. That's life," Julie said.
"But if they believe I want to be a girl..." Mark said.
"They're not sure. They can only speculate. That's the reason that woman smiled with a touch of amusement. She's guessing but she liked the idea for some reason," Julie said.
"Weird," Mark said.
"The way it works. Some guys are very macho looking so the clues are missing. Some guys are very effeminate so there are a lot of clues. You're not all that effeminate but enough and when she saw you trying that perfume on, that was enough for her," Julie said.
"Wait! You're not saying that some might connect those diapers with me," Mark asked as his panic grew.
"Someone might. There is always someone doing the math and it could be that the woman in front of us or behind us, even a guy, might make that connection. Nothing you can do about it and it's a good lesson for you to learn. Mark, you'll be talking to these guys and this is the sort of stuff they often talk about," Julie said.
"You go through the line without me," Mark said.
"Don't be silly. Mark, you are anonymous. No one knows you. You're just a face. It really doesn't matter what they think," Julie said.
"It does," Mark said.
"That's a hang-up. Mark, it's going to be OK and it really is something you need to do," Julie said.
"Why," Mark asked as Julie put the bottle of perfume in the cart then followed that with the same brand of deodorant, soap and bubble bath.
"Marketing 101 that's why. This is research and the first steps in understanding those guys and besides, we're a long ways from that persona still," Julie noted and added, "now come on and stop worrying. You really should be enjoying this."
"Enjoying this? That woman thinks I want to be a girl," Mark said.
"Exactly. So why not imagine that she's thinking how great that is," Julie said and added, "like I do."
"It's great that I'd rather be a girl than a boy," Mark asked curiously.
"It's great that you are experimenting and that I get to help," Julie said.
"That isn't making me feel any better," Mark said.
"It will," Julie said with a mischievous grin as she added, "now come on and lets go back to that baby section. We forgot to get your... I mean Cindy Sue's baby pants."
Mark felt his heart flip or flutter as Julie said that and some of it because when he turned the cart to head back to the main isle that woman was watching them. He wanted to leave the cart and walk.
"Why baby pants? Disposables don't need baby pants," Mark said. He wanted out of there.
"Of course not but they are so cute and they will feel wonderful," Julie said as she began walking out of that section.
"Great," Mark whispered as he followed.
Julie found baby pants and in pink and those she sat right on top of everything else. Mark wanted to move them into the cart more. He wanted to hide them. He wanted to run as they made their way to the checkout counters. Damn store was crowded... too crowded.
"Is that going to be all," The girl asked as she added the last things to plastic bags. Each item came out and was scanned and each item clearly for a girl and obviously sized, Mark noted, to suggest they might fit him.
Mark's paranoia was running at full and his face crimson as the girl smiled cordially those few times. She knew and Mark was sure of it. That first smile was when she lifted the diapers to scan them. She gave another look with that package of pink baby pants and why had he agreed to this. He felt a dozen eyes on him as the girl rang everything up.
"Now that wasn't so bad was it," Julie asked as she helped Mark put the bags in the trunk.
"Worse day of my life," Mark said thankful to be out of there.
"Wow, we've really got to work on this," Julie said.
"Work on what," Mark asked.
"Those hang-ups. Honey, the next time we go out you'll be wearing disposables," Julie said.
"What," Mark said in a renewed panic.
"Mark, for the days that follow, you'll be Cindy Sue. Cindy Sue wears diapers. Although if she's a good girl mommy might let her try on panties," Julie said.
"You're kidding right," Mark asked as he moved to the passenger side of the car.
"Of course not but it's not going to be all that bad because your dress will hide whatever you wear under it," Julie said ducking into the car before Mark's face registered his disbelief.
"You're teasing me right," Mark said.
"Not really but if it helps, we're going to be doing this in steps. By the time I take you out, you'll be very comfortable with how you look," Julie said.
"Not likely and why do we have to go out? I mean that wasn't part of this at all," Mark said.
"I know, but all work and no play makes Cindy Sue a very dull little doll," Julie said.
"What are you talking about," Mark asked.
"You can't stay cooped up in that house for all of that time and there are places we can go to have fun with this," Julie noted as she eased out of the parking lot.
"I don't want to go out and I don't want to have fun with this," Mark said as Julie turned onto the expressway.
"You will, but lets not discuss that yet. Right now we've got to get Cindy Sue to the surface first. Tell you what, when the time comes I'll leave that up to you to decide," Julie noted.
"I've already decided," Mark said flatly.
"Of course you have. Now keep an eye out for the Bell Landing shopping center," Julie said.
"What for," Mark asked.
"Mark, the only things you've got wear, besides what you've got on, is diapers. You are going to need a couple of things to run around in," Julie said.
"For what," Mark asked.
"Around the house! Unless your OK with just wearing your diapers. I'm OK with that actually," Julie said.
"This is getting weird," Mark said as he saw the sign on his right.
Julie parked in front of the Children's Bumble Bee Boutique as she said, "this is it."
A girl's store," Mark said with a sigh.
"A cute place. You need a robe, slippers, a nightgown and perhaps I can talk you into a little dress before you faint," Julie said.
"I thought I was going to get the dresses on-line," Mark asked as he followed Julie out of the car.
"We're going to get the fancier stuff on-line. The fetish kinds of things mostly. They don't make rompers in your size, nor those adorable ruffled baby pants. Most everything else you can wear we can get off the shelf," Julie said before quickly adding, "and those dresses."
"Which dresses," Mark asked hesitating by the car.
"Those dresses from your company. Honey, they give me goose bumps," Julie said.
"Julie... Julie, I don't think I can do this," Mark said looking at the window of the dress shop. No one over the age of fourteen shopped there or at least that was his guess.
"We're not shopping for you precious, we're shopping for Cindy Sue," Julie said.
"But they are going to know," Mark said feeling his throat tightening.
"No one is going to know. No one except you and me. Know what is bothering you most right now," Julie asked.
"What," Mark asked frozen in place.
"That you are not actually shopping for Cindy Sue," Julie said as she came around the car to meet Mark.
"What do you mean," Mark asked.
"Honey, you're feeling something you've never felt before, or at least I'm guessing that. Could be you have a history and it's coming back to you," Julie said.
"Feeling what," Mark asked.
"First of all, it's not really as bad as you're making it out to be is it. However, I do sense something inside, deep inside is getting tugged to the surface isn't it," Julie asked.
"What are you asking? That I like this? That's nuts! Honestly, I've never dressed up or even thought about it. I'm just scared is all! I'm scared that someone in there is going to know that whatever we get is for me," Mark said.
"OK, take a breath and relax for a second. Seriously, I want you to forget all of this. We're not going to go in there if you don't want to," Julie said.
"Really," Mark asked as he noticeably calmed.
"Really. Tell you what, lets put an end to this before you keel over from it. In fact, why don't we go back to the house and on the way we can come up with something to tell Ms. Pennyworth. I've got a dozen good reason why you shouldn't be doing this," Julie said.
"I don't follow," Mark said.
"Honey, this isn't something you can do and it's not going to be right pushing you into it. There are other ways to get the data Ms. Pennyworth wants and in fact, I've been thinking that even I could at least start answering those basic questions for you guys. Truth is I have enough clients willing to share what they know with me, and I've been to a number of the sites I was going to get you hooked up with," Julie said.
"You mean quit," Mark asked. This wasn't what he was expecting.
"Hey, relax, it's OK. Good heavens, it's more than OK. No guy should have to put himself through this sort of thing. Especially just for some marketing data. Trust me, Ms. Pennyworth will understand," Julie said.
"She's expecting me to do this," Mark said.
"She might be expecting it, but any reasonable person, once they understand... really understand what it's going to take would see that it's way too weird. Even more so when I tell her it's opening up some deeply rooted psychosis and who needs that," Julie said.
"Psychosis? What are you talking about? I don't even follow that," Mark said.
"Mark, a moment ago you almost had a psychotic episode. Perhaps not a major one and I would say not anywhere near anything like a severe mental disorder. However, I would say definitely that you were losing contact with the reality of this or at least it was becoming highly distorted," Julie said and she turned to walk back to her side of the car.
"Wait a second. You're saying my fear of going in there is because I might be nuts or something," Mark asked.
"Absolutely not. We all have a touch of something that scares us. Your fear just then simply suggest that there might be something in your background and it might not even be something you remember. I've seen it happen before in some sessions. Fact is this might even be risky if you continue," Julie said.
"It's not that bad," Mark said with some insistence.
"Bad enough. I've got a lot of experience with these things and it's even more crazy if I ignore what you are feeling. Come on. We can call Ms. Pennyworth and I'll offer my services in a different way and get you off the hook. She might even have you still collaborate with me," Julie said as she opened her car door.
"She is... I mean she was counting on me," Mark said feeling the pangs of regret.
"She doesn't really know what's involved," Julie said.
"Actually she did I think. I mean she was clear on this being very weird and all. It's just that I didn't give much thought to what actually was involved," Mark said feeling a touch more regret.
"And that's what I'm talking about Mark. Unlike other young man that do this, you are not thrilled and in fact you were nearly petrified," Julie said and added, "I just don't feel comfortable pushing anyone past their capacity to cope."
"I can... I think. I mean, OK, so yes, I was scared. It's just that there are people in there... girls and women and I'd be the only guy and... You know what I'm saying, they would know," Mark said.
"That's it exactly. They would know you're a guy and that we might be getting those things for you. It's too much," Julie said standing there waiting for Mark to open his door as she added, "there are guys that can do this and guys that can't. You really can't be blamed for being afraid. Like I said, it's most likely something deep down that is the real cause of this."
"But I've never done this," Mark said.
"That you can remember," Julie noted.
"That I can remember," Mark said in a subdued voice.
"Anyway, it was worth the shot and you did get past a lot of it in that pharmacy. At least you've got that," Julie said and added, "that woman, in the pharmacy, even though you thought she knew didn't bother you and you were very brave at the checkout counter as well. I thought that was pretty remarkable."
"You did," Mark asked.
"I did. Heck yes I did. Do you realize that in all of my years doing this I can almost count on two hands the number of guys that could do what you did," Julie said.
"Not many then," Mark asked.
"Hardly any at all. Ms. Pennyworth obviously picked you for a lot of good reasons and, until now, I thought you really were the perfect choice," Julie said and added, "even more so since you've never done this before. Funny as this is going to sound, you are twice the man most men are."
"You think so," Mark asked.
"Absolutely! Look at where you work. You are learning to Market dresses. Little girl dresses. Not only that, you were willing to step up and take hold of a new market. Good heavens, I don't know of any guy willing to do this given the circumstances. Mark, you've got nothing to be ashamed of," Julie noted with a warm affectionate smile.
"Really," Mark asked.
"Mark, it may sound patronizing but you already know most of this. I think if I had any regrets it's not because of Ms. Pennyworth, but those guys. Those guys you were going to interface with. Imagine how important that would have been to have someone who not only understood them but could represent them in a way. OK, so it's just as a market, but I think it would have been... could have been much more," Julie noted.
"I'm not so sure about that," Mark said.
"Mark, how many guys do you know that could do this? How many guys have the savvy that something like this takes? Not many, and I can tell you that with some authority. Sure, there are guys out there that are brave enough to do this, but none that have done it for a market. None at all. You would have been special," Julie noted and added, "you would have been famous in some ways. A voice in their wilderness at least."
"Do you believe that or are you just saying it to make me feel better," Mark asked.
"Mark, taking you back is going to make you feel better. Telling you to go one would not. If I wanted to make you feel better I would simply take you back. Does that answer your question," Julie asked.
"Yes," Mark said and paused. He stood for a long moment sharing his attention with the store front and Julie as he added, "so you think I should do this?"
"No, I think you should let me take you home," Julie said.
"And end this," Mark asked.
"And end this," Julie answered.
Mark stood with his hand on the door. Going ahead with this meant going in there and facing his second most humiliating moment. Opening that car door would end it. He stood caught between those two decision points.
"What would Cindy Sue do," Julie asked.
"What," Mark asked.
"What would Cindy Sue do," Julie asked again.
"Cindy Sue," Mark said surprised.
"Cindy... Come on, tell me," Julie asked.
"I guess Cindy would go in there," Mark said laughing.
"So what if we have Mark stay out here and wait while Cindy Sue and I go in and find a few pretty things for her to wear," Julie asked.
"You mean me," Mark said.
"Nope, I mean Cindy Sue. You are much too afraid, but then again you're just a boy. Cindy Sue on the other hand is a girl. Girl's are much braver than boys," Julie said laughing.
"So Cindy is braver than I am," Mark said smiling. It almost helped thinking of Cindy in that way.
"Cindy Sue is way braver than you are," Julie said laughing.
"Then she goes in and I stay here," Mark said taking his hand off the door handle.
"Of course. She can do that easily because she's a girl, "Julie said.
"OK, I'll stay here and she can go in," Mark said.
"Fair enough. We'll be right back," Julie noted taking Mark's hand when she came around the car.
"I hope she doesn't run off," Mark said as Julie reached for the door.
"She won't," Julie noted as the door opened.
The sales woman was pleasantly plump, the store well lit and decorated nicely. A girl's store with nothing but girl's clothes in it. Pastels lined the racks and so much of it shimmered in the light. A few girls, with moms, paused and looked. A few faces changed. Mark noticed.
"I'm nervous," Mark said.
"I thought I told you to wait in the car. Cindy Sue and I are doing this," Julie said.
"Sorry, forget," Mark said.
"Hi folks, can I help you," the woman said smiling at both.
"Not sure yet. We're shopping for a young girl that has very little so it might be better if we just browse a little," Julie said.
"How sweet. Of course. I'll be nearby if you need me for anything. I'm Helen," Helen said.
"Thank you Helen," Julie said and looking at Mark added, "basics first."
"Basics," Mark asked.
"Panties, bras, nightgowns... those sorts of things," Julie said as she found the lingerie part of the store.
It was like going into the bowels of an unknown cave where one false move could prove fatal. If he made one small mistake everyone would know. They might guess anyway Mark mused as he followed Julie towards the lingerie.
"We'll get a couple of packages of panties first, a couple of basic slips, training bras, then a dress, jumper and maybe a pair of jeans with a blouse," Julie said and added, "a robe and slippers to with a nightgown."
"Great," Mark said.
"You're an eight," Julie noted.
"What," Mark asked.
"Cindy Sue is a size eight," Julie said.
"Oh, OK," Mark said.
"And I said that so you could start finding panties to fit," Julie said.
"Me..." Mark said with a touch of shock in his voice. There was one girl and her mother pushing nightgowns aside but out of ear shot.
"I've already got panties," Julie said.
"Aren't you going to help," Mark asked.
"I just did. You are a size eight," Julie said as she moved to the shelves and a bin that held girl's panties.
"Those," Mark said not even pointing. He just sort of nodded.
"Which," Julie asked.
"Those. That package on the top," Mark said.
"I thought I told Mark to wait outside. Now Cindy Sue, which panties do you like," Julie asked.
"Like? I don't like panties," Mark said and then realized he was doing the same things again. He looked at the bin and said, "those pastels."
"OK, see if they are a size eight and then find another. Those are day of the week panties. You might want to get a package with just decorations on them," Julie said as she held out her hand.
"What," Mark asked.
"If you're going to get those, get them," Julie said.
Mark almost looked around but he knew if he did and someone was watching, they'd know. He bent slightly, took up the package of pastels and tried quickly to see what sizes they were. He found the circle with sizes and they were a six.
"Wrong size," Mark said dropping the panties.
"OK, keep looking and I'll go take a peek at the slips," Julie said.
"NO.. I mean don't leave me," Mark said feeling panic.
"OK, go on then and get your panties," Julie said. It was a ploy. The lessor of two evils for Mark. It made this choice slightly less fearful with her standing there with him.
Mark found his size then next to that a package of panties with Disney's logo on them. Each pair had one of the Disney princesses on them. Seven pair in that one as well and Mark took up that second package with the first.
"OK," He said moving a couple of feet away from the bin. Mark made an attempt to hand Julie both packages, but she turned.
"Slips and bras next," Julie said walking toward a rack of bras on hangers. Mark was left holding the panties as he followed and the girl's mother looked at what was in his hand. Mark flushed red and dropped his eyes. He wasn't sure what was on her face as he moved quickly to get closer to Julie.
"Padded," Julie said.
"What," Mark asked.
"Get the padded bras. You have 32 inch chest and they sell little girl bras by chest size. Some of them, for obvious reasons, have a little padding in them. You'll want the ones with that padding," Julie said.
"Why do I need a bra," Mark whispered.
"How old is Cindy Sue," Julie asked.
"I'm not sure," Mark said.
"Well, a girl eight years or older needs to start wearing bras. If Cindy is younger she won't need a bra yet," Julie said.
"She's younger," Mark said hoping that would be enough so he didn't have to do this part.
"Then just get one for when she plays dress up," Julie said smiling.
Mark's frustration lit his face as Julie said that. He was going to be getting a bra anyway, he mused. That woman and girl had moved off but it didn't help much given he was standing in the middle of girl's lingerie.
"Which one," Mark said after standing there for a moment to try and read what was on the tags. He couldn't on some of them and realized he'd have to pick the bra off the rack to look at the tags.
"What is Cindy Sue's favorite color," Julie asked.
"I'd guess pink or something like that," Mark said keeping his voice down.
"Then find a size 32 in pink," Julie said moving down the rack that opened space between Mark and her.
Mark wanted out of there as he took up a bra. The tag read 22. Wrong size he noted putting it back on the bar holding the lingerie hangers. He moved a few sizes down and found the small tags above the bras and the one that read 32. He took up a pink one, padded, he noted and quickly moved to Julie's side.
"Cute," Julie said and added, "you've got an eye for this."
"No I don't," Mark said.
"Of course you do. Remember, you already know what cute is and that bra is cute," Julie said and then softer but with a broader smile added, "it will look even cuter on you."
"Can we talk later," Mark said as he held the bra. He made another attempt to hand those things to Julie but again she turned. The slips were against the far wall and she moved off to those. Mark turned and when he did so that mother and girl were by the robes next to the nightgowns and both were watching him intently now.
"Here we go... We're going to want a couple of straight slips, size eight," Julie said moving her hand over the slips hanging on the rack.
"Right," Mark said in anguish. They had been in that store for what seemed like hours and Mark was sure he was the topic of at least one conversation between that mother and daughter. Perhaps more given the looks. Was he being paranoid he mused. He decided he wasn't. Guys don't do this.
"This one," Julie said lifting a slip from the rack. She turned and pushed it against Mark and Mark reacted as if it was a large knife in Julie's hand as she added, "hold still, I just want to guess the size."
That girl smiled as the slip rested against Mark. They knew. They had to know now, Mark mused. He was holding girl's panties, a pink bra on a hanger and Julie had just laid the slip against him. There was no doubt now that this stuff was for him.
"I'm feeling faint," Mark said. He meant it.
"The excitement," Julie said.
"No, the fear," Mark noted.
"Almost done. Come on now, keep Cindy Sue here for just a little longer. Try imagining yourself wearing these things, that will help," Julie said.
"That's not helping at all," Mark said thankful his tee-shirt was not tucked in.
"It will... trust me, it will. That first time in girl's clothes is very special," Julie said.
"Can we get this done," Mark said feeling himself aroused and not winning the battle not to.
"Of course. Let's get this one and... and this one," Julie said taking up another slip. The first one had lacy straps and didn't adjust. The second had straps like a woman's slip. Both were pure white and little girlish slips. Thankfully Julie held on to them this time.
Mark caught the eye of the woman running the store and she smiled. What was behind that smile, Mark mused, as he thought to smile back. He shouldn't have done that, he decided.
"Blouse, jumper, dress and a cute pair of jeans," Julie said moving out of the lingerie area. She paused at the edge though.
"What," Mark said stopping with her.
"Your nightgown and robe," Julie said as she moved a couple of feet to the nightgowns. That woman and daughter, at the robes still, watched as Julie thumbed through the circular rack holding those little girlish nightgowns. Some had Disney Princesses, some Dora the Explorer, another Barbie. A couple, pink and simple with delicate beads of lace trimming them.
That girl, half Mark's age was looking at the bra and panties. She tugged at her mother's arm and whispered something. Her mother looked at Mark, then at her daughter and said something back. The girl smiled. A snicker came out and the girls mother shushed her.
There was no doubt of it now, they knew these things were for Mark. Mark was as sure of that as anything he'd ever been sure of. If they knew then the rest knew.
"Just one dress then," Mark said as Julie lifted a nightgown in nylon that had Barbie on the front of it.
"What's the matter," Julie asked knowing full well what was wrong.
Julie was letting Mark's emotions grow. She wanted him to taste the panic, feel the thrill and fight to reconcile the two emotions. Some boys, in spite of their fears, liked this part of their life style. This public exposure. Not all, and not all could shop off the rack like Mark could. Mark didn't realize yet just how lucky he was because of that.
"That little girl is laughing," Mark said.
"Might not be at you," Julie said.
"It is," Mark said with conviction.
"OK, nightgown, slippers, robe and one dress," Julie said and added, two dresses but we can get the second one with the first and you won't have to try the second one on," Julie said.
"What? I'm not trying anything on," Mark said almost yelling it. There was no way.
"OK, never mind trying them on then. We'll just have to guess on the fit," Julie said as she allowed Mark to calm down. His adrenaline, she knew, was now peaked which was what she'd wanted. His relief was obvious.
Julie picked up the pace a little moving off with a robe and nightgown and slippers stapled together. She already knew which dress section to shop in and found the size eights. One was a simple pink checkered and the other a cute lavender and she held both with the robe, nightgown and slips.
"Can I help with those," the sales woman asked.
"Thank you," Julie said off loading the clothes she held but making no attempt to help Mark. She waited as the sales woman shifted the load so she could manage it then took what Mark had. The look on Mark's face was priceless, Julie mused.
It was enough torture, Julie decided as she followed the sales woman to the counter. Another woman was buying a dress as Mark eased himself to more or less hide on the other side of Julie. The sales women was busy removing the things on hangers and scanning tags.
"Shoes," Julie said suddenly.
Mark concentrating on his fear and the look the woman was giving to their purchases was startled back and said, "what?"
"Cindy Sue is going to need a new pair of shoes," Julie said.
"There is a nice pair of flats and we've got them on sale," the sales woman Helen said.
"That will do. Can we get a pair in a girl's size nine. White," Julie said and then added, "and I'll get the socks and nylons. Be right back."
Julie moved off leaving Mark to stand at the counter alone. The sales woman had nodded and moved off with Julie. Helen ducked into the back, Julie off towards the shoes and Mark stood there trying to find something to gaze at. He wanted to sit. Forever is relative he mused as he waited with a heart rate as high as when he jogged.
"Here we go," Helen said as she returned from the back. She opened the lid and showed Mark the girl's flats. Mark nodded and caught himself. Why would she show him those shoes, he mused. She knew, that's why. She knew exactly what Mark was doing there. She wouldn't have shown him those shoes otherwise.
"I think we've got it all," Julie said coming back to the counter. She had a three pair package of white socks with a tiny bit of pink circling them and two package of girl's nylons.
Mark wanted to yell that it was about time as Helen started scanning the shoes first then the additions Julie added. It took forever to fold and slip his dresses, slips, nightgown and robe into bags. The robe went into it's own bag. There were four bags in total when Julie handed Helen a credit card.
Julie signed the slip and waited calmly for Helen to put the customer copy in the bag with the shoes. It was done. Mark estimated the steps to freedom as he took up three of the bags and Julie the forth. Nearly everyone was watching as Helen thanked them and bit them a nice day. Mark's mouth was dry as he tried remaining calm in those fifty or so feet.
"Oh God," Mark said after falling into the passenger side of Julie's car.
"Scary," Julie asked as if she didn't know the answer.
"Are you kidding. Everyone in that store knew... they absolutely knew that stuff was for me," Mark said.
"Exciting isn't it," Julie asked.
"Exciting? No! Scary, hallowing, frightening... Yes," Mark said laying his head back against the seat's head rest.
"No excitement at all," Julie asked,
"Are you kidding? None," Mark said with a relief that you could cut through with a knife.
"Mark, there are going to be at least two people you don't want to fib to," Julie said turning in the seat to face Mark.
"What? Who," Mark asked opening his eyes but not moving his head.
"Your therapist and your dominatrix," Julie said and added, "and I'm your dominatrix. So, let me ask you again... wasn't there a touch of excitement in all of that?"
"No," Mark said lifting his head.
"Mark, do you remember the story of Pinocchio," Julie asked.
"Yes, why," Mark asked.
"Pinocchio had a really hard time when he lied. It's kind of the same for boys," Julie said.
Mark looked at Julie but didn't say anything trying to figure out where she was going with this.
"Mark, lift your shirt for me," Julie said.
"What," Mark asked.
"Lift your shirt. I want to see if your fibbing," Julie said.
Mark flushed crimson. He was positive he was wet enough for it to show and positive that would say all that needed to be said.
"It's not what you think," Mark said but making no attempt to life his shirt.
"Actually it is, but it's what you think that is important right now. Do me a favor and find the bag with the slips and pull one out for me," Julie said.
Mark turned to reach between the seats and found the bag holding the slips. He took one in his hand and tugged it loose as he said, "now what?"
"Find the panties, either one of those will do," Julie said.
"What's this for," Mark asked as he turned back to the bags and lifted the Disney panties out.
"I'll explain in a minute. Go on and open those panties for me and take a pair out," Julie said.
"What are you doing," Mark asked as he tore the package open and gingerly lifted the first pair from the rest. They were white with Cinderella on the front. White nylon Mark noted.
Now lift your shirt and before you say no, let me tell you that I already know you're wet," Julie said.
"I'm not getting this at all," Mark said as Julie took the slip and panties to free his hands. Mark lifted his tee-shirt and flushed over the spot on his jeans as he added, "now what?"
"Mark, I want you to close your eyes and just listen, OK," Julie said.
"OK," Mark said.
Julie laid the panties on Mark's hand and said, "hold these."
"Fine," Mark said as he felt the slip start to move over the panties.
"As soon as Cindy Sue and mommy get home, mommy is going to slip her into her sweet little panties so she can feel the soft silkiness of nylon. Then mommy is going to put Cindy Sue's pretty little slip on her and move it over her panties..." Julie said.
As expected, Mark reacted instantly and as soon as he did so he opened his eyes and when he opened his eyes Julie was looking at his pants.
"Pinocchio," Julie said and added, never lie to your therapist or your dominatrix."
"But that doesn't mean I actually like it," Mark said dropping his shirt.
"It does actually and your not alone and the reason I just did that and put you through the rest is so you understand that. Sometimes, the fear is the thrill. In spite of how scared you were, you got a little turned on by it. That's pretty typical," Julie noted.
This is typical," Mark asked surprised that he couldn't control himself, then surprised that it was 'normal'.
"Absolutely. What I want you to do as we head for home is to think about the emotions you went through and the ones you are having now. It's going to be important when you start talking to those guys on-line," Julie said.
"How so," Mark asked.
"Thrills and chills. So much of this is doing things you are not suppose to be doing. Wearing the clothes is a bunch of things not the least of which how they feel and look but the thrill of getting away with it," Julie said.
"How does this play into the marketing stuff," Mark asked.
"You answer that," Julie said.
"Profile? Right? It's knowing what turns them on," Mark said.
"Exactly," Julie said starting the car. Mark turned to put the panties and slip back into the bag but Julie stopped him as she added, "no, that's the pair you'll be wearing when we get you dressed. Might just as well get use to the fabric."
"How is this going to fit into my marketing," Mark asked trying to break his concentration.
"Mark guys dress for all sorts of reasons. Some of those reasons are to give up their masculinity for a time. Some their machismo if you will. Can't be very macho wearing frilly little things meant for girls now can you," Julie asked.
"Guess not," Mark said.
"And some do it to give someone else control over them. Like you are going to do," Julie said moving into traffic.
"Like I'm going to do," Mark asked.
"Yep," Julie noted.
"OK, so I can't control myself. If you say we all do it then what's the point," Mark said in frustration and most of that over the fact he wasn't controlling himself now.
"When mommy get her little girl home she's going to give her a nice bubble bath. Then she's going to power her and make her smell very sweet. When she smells like a girl she's going to get to step into her panties and we both know what's going to happen next, right," Julie said.
Mark, listening to the words, had a vision of those words forming imagines and those images matched the feel of the slip and panties he held but he didn't dare answer as he said, "what happens?"
"Cindy Sue is going to soil her panties just like a little girl that hasn't been fully potty trained yet. Since Cindy Sue isn't able to control herself, mommy is going to lay her down, take her little panties off and put her into a soft diaper. Just like she would do with a baby. That's what is going to happen," Julie said and added, "and all of the control you think you have, will be gone."
Mark was having difficulty breathing as Julie had talked. There was no need to ask any more questions. No need to understand what she meant. He looked at the panties and the slip and thought about the diaper as they maneuvered through traffic. She was driving too slow, he decided.
"So is this exciting or what," Julie asked as the pulled into the driveway.
"I'm not sure," Mark said quietly. Imagining and doing were worlds apart and that other world, the world Julie was talking about, was just a few feet away.
"Remember what I said," Julie noted.
"On what," Mark asked.
"About lying to your therapist or your dominatrix," Julie said.
"I remember," Mark said.
"So, again, is this exciting or what," Julie asked.
"Maybe... A little I guess... OK, fine, yes then, it's exciting. Is that what you want to hear," Mark said blushing.
"No, what I want to hear is you being honest with me. Mark, a dominatrix is a skill developed over time and most of it for the benefit of the client. It really is all about the client. As much as I like doing this, it's not going to be much fun if the client doesn't enjoy it. So, no, I don't want you to tell me what I want to hear, I want you to tell me what you're feeling," Julie said.
"I guess it's a yes then," Mark said giving up completely.
"And you've got a few of your questions already answered. Now let's get these things inside and start answering a few more," Julie said as she took up a couple of the packages from the back seat after opening the door. Mark pushed the panties and slip into a bag and took up the other two as Julie popped the trunk.
Mark took up the largest bag of diapers, Julie the other. Both had their hands full as Julie unlocked the door. Now seven bags of 'things' Mark mused and all of it for him. Not one thing meant for a guy or adult. Kid's diapers, baby things and girl clothes. Mark reacted again and cursed, in a light hearted way, his Pinocchio Lie Detector.
"Why are you snickering," Julie asked.
"I was thinking of that metaphor and Pinocchio," Mark said with a blush on his cheeks.
"Ah, the lie detector you mean," Julie said.
"Mostly about the analogy to the nose growing. In a way it's too bad that my fibs don't keep making it grow," Mark said chuckling as he added, "a really big lie could be a benefit."
"Well Pinocchio, what if I told you that you don't need to say a thing for your little detector to work," Julie said as she added, "honey... Cindy Sue, mommy is going to know when her little princess is happy or not."
Marks silence didn't reflect the turmoil that he was in as they carried the bags upstairs.
"Why don't you go start your shower, and I'll put your stuff away," Julie noted as they dropped the bags on the double bed in the second bed room.
"Don't you mean bath," Mark asked. He couldn't use the bath beads with a shower.
"You'll have your bath honey, but mommy needs to make sure you are baby smooth before then. We've got a little work to do to get rid of a little too much hair," Julie noted.
"I don't have all that much," Mark said.
"More than a baby has," Julie noted.
"Oh," Mark said with a touch of shock. He was thinking about that as he scrubbed himself top to bottom.
Julie stepped into the bathroom with Mark at the end of his shower. She tugged the curtain open surprising Mark a bit, then more so when she pushed the shower nozzle to the side so it simply hit the tile. She stopped the water and turned back to a large pink bag that she'd brought with her.
A bottle came out first and a very foul smelling liquid was spread over his chest and arms right up to his chin. She added more to the front of his legs. Mark turned around as Julie did the same on his back, bottom and legs. The part she had started was tingling lightly by the time she finished spreading the white goo at that back. She washed her hands and capped that bottle, returning once more to the bag.
In her hand was a shaving cream canister but clearly meant for a lady given the color of the can. The razor in her hand too was meant for a woman given it's color. Mark had been thinking about that hair part as Julie filled her palm with expanding foam.
A second later, she knelt and a second after that Mark had not doubt what she meant by too much hair for a baby. There was no hope of not reacting as Julie began spreading the foam around his genitals. There was no question at all over how intimate they would become when Julie began to shave Mark after having him stand with his legs spread.
"That stuff is getting warm," Mark said trying not to pay any attention to what Julie was doing.
"I know. You're going to start a rinse in just a moment. Mommy is almost done," Julie said.
"Why mommy," Mark asked.
"What," Julie asked back.
"Why do you refer to yourself as mommy," Mark asked.
"Mommies are the most significant female in most men's life. I could be your aunt, sister, neighbor, nurse, cousin, etc., etc., etc. Would you prefer I be someone else," Julie asked.
"Why be anything," Mark asked.
"It's mostly to enhance the roles we're going to be playing. I'm the mommy, you're my son," Julie said.
"I thought I was going to be a girl," Mark asked blushing as he accepted the pleasure he was feeling.
"Actually, and don't let the word bother you too much, but you're really a sissy boy in this case. Now how we play that part for you is another thing we can adjust," Julie said.
"Sissy," Mark asked.
"Like I said, it's just a word, but yes, you're a boy that is going to be dressed like a pretty little girl and that, in your world, is a sissy. Right," Julie said.
"I suppose," Mark said and than asked, "so what did you mean by adjusting parts?"
"You can be a reluctant participant, a willing participant or imagine yourself a boy wanting to be a real girl. What would make you more excited since this is also about your fantasies meeting a bit of reality," Julie said.
"I don't know," Mark said as Julie turned the shower back on.
"Well, think about it and if you'd rather I be someone else, I can do that," Julie said.
"My aunt," Mark said as Julie stood up.
"Your aunt? Why your aunt," Julie asked as she moved to the sink to rinse the razor and wash her hands. Mark was looking down at the remnants of shaving cream and the absence of hair around his genitals. The stuff she had spread over his body was turning a powdery white.
"She... she painted my nails red once," Mark said blushing.
"She did. Now why would she do that," Julie asked.
"She caught me putting a little on a finger. I wasn't very old then. Anyway, she painted my nails and made me keep them that way for part of the day," Mark said.
"So you do have memory of cross dressing," Julie said.
"That's not cross dressing," Mark said and added, "she only threatened to."
"She threatened to dress you like a girl," Julie asked.
"More or less. She said if she caught me playing with her stuff she'd take me out and buy me a dress. Scared the hell out of me. When we were in the store, I sort of remembered that," Mark said.
"Excellent. Now that's the kind of stuff you and I need to work on. That was a major event in your life although you don't think of it that way. You spent a lot of time after that imagining what would happen, didn't you," Julie asked.
"Yes," Mark said amazed at how vivid that day suddenly was.
"So would it be more fun for you to be a willing sissy or a boy being made to be a sissy," Julie asked.
"I'd rather be made to do this," Mark said deciding that being made to do this would be less revealing even if it was pretend.
"What was her name," Julie asked.
"May. Aunt May," Mark said blushing again.
"Then that's what we'll do when we play," Julie said.
"This stuff is really starting to tingle a lot," Mark said.
"We're going to get if off in just a second," Julie said as she added, "it's something you're going to have to get use to honey. This is what happens to little boys when they decide they want to paint their nails like little girls."
"What," Mark asked.
"Quiet now and just do what your told," Julie said with a change in her voice as she added, "if your going to play dress up, you're going to play dress up."
"Where are you going with this," Mark asked.
"It's yes ma'am or yes Aunt May and no questions," Julie said.
"Yes ma'am," Mark said realizing what it was Julie was doing. Seemed kind of silly in a way but he hadn't been able to get a handle of most of it till now so he was willing to go along with this.
"Better," Julie said twisting the knobs to bring the shower back on. She tugged a spongy looking scrubber out of her bag and removed it from a plastic sack and said, "now I want you to scrub yourself briskly with this all over so you get that depilator off.
"Depilator," Mark asked.
"It's the chemical I put on you. It's mostly for girls and sissy boys that want to be girls," Julie said.
"I'm not comfortable with that word," Mark said.
"Too bad. A sissy is a boy who is excessively soft and effeminate or, like you, who decides to self-indulge in doing girl stuff. You want to paint your nails like a girl, so be it, you can be a little sissy girl if that's what you want," Julie said.
"Oh, I get it," Mark said feeling a little self conscious of where Julie was taking this but deciding again to go along with it.
"Go on now and scrub yourself all over. When you're done holler so I can get your back," Julie said.
"Yes ma'am," Mark said as Julie tugged the shower curtain closed. He smiled as he began to scrub himself with the stiff sponge. His skin was soft, smooth, sensitive as he worked the sponge over his body. It was amazing how small he looked with no hair on his genitals when he worked on his legs. The memory of that day sitting at his aunt's kitchen table came back vividly.
"Ready," Julie's voice asked.
"Almost," Mark said hoping his erection would go down before he had to open the shower curtain. The more he tried to rid himself of it, the stronger it became.
"Ready or not," Julie said as she tugged the curtain open.
Mark's skin had taken on a reddish glow and tingled still from the chemicals and hot water. Julie had Mark turn so she could do his back and legs. She ran her hand over his skin as she scrubbed. He felt like wet silk as she finished.
"Now your bubble bath," Julie said as she turned the shower off to allow the water to run into the tub. She closed the drain and took up the Lov's Soft Bubble Bath beads. Bubbles began forming around the torrent of water filling the tub spreading out from there.
"Tell me about your long hair Mark," Julie said as she moved there to take his rubber band off.
"What's to tell. I just wear my hair long," Mark said.
"Why," Julie asked.
"No real reason, just because," Mark said.
"I would think that a boy as pretty as you and as effeminate would want short hair so the other boys don't mistake you for a girl," Julie said.
"I don't get mistaken for a girl," Mark said defensively.
"Of course you do. Especially from the back. Cute little bottom, slightly girlish hips and that long flowing hair most certainly makes people at least pause. If you wore a bra under a tee-shirt you would be mistaken easily for a girl," Julie said and added, "is that something that turns you on... this gender bending."
"NO! I don't have any desire to be a girl," Mark said and added, "I just keep my hair long. No reason, I just do."
"I'm beginning to think there is a hidden side to you," Julie said.
"I can tell you there isn't," Mark said as Julie continued to fuss with his hair.
"You realize it's long enough to make pretty braids and definitely long enough for a pretty hair bow. Pink satin would suit this kind of hair. Would you like that? Would you like Aunt May to put a ribbon in your hair? I'll bet you've thought about that haven't you," Julie said. She was watching his face but she was also watching his reaction.
"Sit precious and soak in your sweet bubble bath while Aunt May decides what she wants to do with her little sissy's hair. Sissies love ribbons and bows," Julie said as she watched Mark gladly move to sit in the bubbles that nearly covered the water. She had hit another nerve.
"I get it," Mark said trying to defend himself or at last take Julie's attention from his reaction. The water and bubbles hadn't gotten deep enough to cover him yet.
"Me too," Julie said as she added, "we should have spent a little more time in that dress shop finding something even more sweet to wear. Well, no matter, we've got plenty of time and there is a whole world out there waiting to meet my little sissy."
"Are we playing or are you being serious," Mark asked trying to decide if she was or wasn't.
"Am I getting warmer or cooler," Julie asked.
"On what," Mark asked.
"On what my little sissy likes or dislikes," Julie said.
"I don't like dressing up or acting like a girl if that's what you are asking," Mark said.
"Well see. Now let's shampoo that lovely girlish hair of yours in silence while Auntie tries to decide why her nephew wanted to paint his nails like a girl," Julie said. It touched a nerve again. Those were not the exact words his aunt had used but the tone was there like it had been back then.
Mark took up the bottle of shampoo but Julie took it. She began to work the gel into Mark's wet hair bringing it to a lush lather. It was soothing but unnerving to be bathed and those smells were intoxicating as the warm moist air came in with every breath. More so as Mark conjured up that day so long ago.
It was clear he wasn't going to bath by himself as Julie took the nozzle of the shower off the holder to rinse his hair. She had him lay back in the tub and began at his forehead to rinse the soap off. He sat again and she continued till she had him stand.
The tub drained and as it did so Julie took up a large towel. The first one she brought back around the back of Mark's hair wrapping it in a girlish way before taking another towel up to dry him. She was firm but gentle beginning around his back, neck and arms. She reached his legs as the last of the water drained.
Mark stepped onto that towel smelling decidedly like a girl and feeling odd before this woman.
"How pretty you smell and how sweet you are going to look," Julie said.
Mark's reacted and Julie smiled. She was sure Mark had not done much, if any cross dressing, but she was also sure that he'd considered it at one time or another. That memory of his aunt was enough to make that clear. She would use that with a mixture of nurturing and her own sense of this came into play as she imaged this session moving on.
Mark was powdered from his neck to the tops of his feet before Julie invited him back into her bedroom. On the bed those panties, bra and slip and that pink dress. Below those things, the white pair of flats. None of the baby stuff was in evidence Mark noted. He was also painfully aware of his sexual urges. He didn't want to consider them as desires. He was not getting excited over girl's clothes, he mused.
"Shall we see how our little sissy looks in girl's panties," Julie asked.
"If you want," Mark said no longer fighting the fact he was excited but not willing to get into this role playing.
"Now come on and let's face the obvious precious. Wearing those cute panties and having auntie clip that little girlish bra on you is having an impact. Isn't it," Julie said.
"OK, yes. It's obvious but I can't help it," Mark said feeling extremely self conscious standing there naked.
"I know honey, I know. It's the same with all boys that suddenly discover they have a feminine side. All of your time has been spent in buying into the gender definitions and those thoughts buried and suddenly they are exposed. It's very difficult," Julie said.
"So you're saying it's the same with every boy," Mark asked clinging to this new thread.
"Not one hundred percent but most, yes. Mark, you grew up with girls so there is a natural curiosity. Doesn't mean you want to be a girl or even dress like a girl but curiosity is still there. What your aunt did, that day that she painted your nails and threatened to put you into a dress, touched a nerve already exposed," Julie noted as she took up the panties.
"I'm not sure about that," Mark said looking at the panties Julie held and wishing, just for the sake of modesty and a painful awareness that he was now over reacting, to get them on.
Julie bent down and held the panties open and Mark lifted his right foot. Julie guided the panties over that foot doing the same with the other. She was behind him as the panties slowly eased up his legs. Too slow, Mark mused as they reached his thighs. Julie lifted that pink nylon over his bottom first then even more slow brought the up to cover him.
It was agony as the silkiness moved over him. He was already sensitive. Too sensitive and for two long and that touch became maddening. Julie fused from behind easing a finger on either side of his hips to the front for no other reason, Mark mused, than to tease him. He was nearly faint and biting his lip to fight against an urge he had no control over.
He fought the moan he felt rising in his chest as his legs stiffened. It was too late now to do anything but allow the inevitable as Julie caused the panties to move one last time. It happened as surely as if he'd wanted to happen and a second later was lost to those first few seconds of total and complete release. There was nothing to do now but ride the waves of pleasure sweeping over him.
Julie's hands, now splayed open, rested on either side of his panties pressing him closer to her in an odd embrace before shifting slightly. One hand slipping gently to cup him, the other to cover him fully in a delicate embrace. She moved both hands slightly during the extremes of his passion and eased as he did. Mark wanted to collapse into her as his climax rolled over him.
Julie wasn't an observer either as she slowly opened her eyes. It was better than expected and she had expected it to be good. She had a sense of Mark from the first moment she'd met him and it had grown. Her sister had mentioned it in passing after asking for her help but Julie had been vague about her feelings. Vague until now. Out of a hundred men, clients, there was one and this one, was that one. Mark was no longer a client.
"Penny for your thoughts," Julie whispered from behind as she continued her embrace.
"I'm not sure I can express them," Mark said allowing himself to be cuddled as he was. He was warm, secure, the bath part of it, the process mostly and that last part indescribable as he added, "is this what you do?"
"This? Yes and no. I'm a facilitator honey. I find as many of your hot buttons as I can and then press them till I've hit the right button. So yes, that is part of what I do. What we did... no. I don't have sex with my clients. There is sexual release and I assist in reaching that point but they are on their own. In your case I wanted to participate," Julie said.
"Was it nice," Julie asked drawing Mark more tightly.
"Nice? I'm not sure yet. I'm not sure why I did that," Mark said and added and you said it happened because fantasy and reality came together. I don't have those kinds of fantasies."
"Perhaps not before this, perhaps never, but today, in these past hours you've conjured up images as we shopped and over some of the things I said. Those images are your fantasy," Julie noted giving Mark time to consider what she'd just said.
"So you knew what was going to happen," Mark asked.
"I did because I've seen in a number of times before," Julie said and added, "now be honest with me and tell me the truth... was it nice?"
"It was incredible," Mark said, paused and added, "beyond what I could have imagined. I mean what happened?"
"Reality and fantasy came together," Julie said as she added, "everything we've done today gathered together to that moment. So much of it was simply you thinking about it and imagining and then suddenly that reality. Works every time."
"That's going to happen every time," Mark said exhausted. He was satisfied from his toes to the top of his head he decided. He'd just had sex and while there was a partner there was no intercourse and it was the best sex he'd ever had.
"It can and often does. So much of this is all of those steps building up to it. Those guys you are going to start interacting with might have a number of different ways to get there but where you were is where they almost always go," Julie said as she eased away from Mark.
"So it's about sex mostly," Mark said happily willing to take this on.
"Most times but no, it's not always about sex. Some do this to gather into themselves, some regress, some find that persona they keep tucked away for their 'special' days or moments. Sex is a big part of it but not the only part," Julie said.
"That other stuff? How does that other stuff work then," Mark asked. He was beyond imagining now and what he had imagined was not nearly what he had experienced. No wonder guys did this, he mused.
"I'm going to show you that. Pictures are often better than words and it's clear my little sissy isn't ready for big girl panties yet. I'm afraid that my little angle is going to have to go back into diapers till she gets used to her panties," Julie said breaking away to move back to the bathroom.
"Oh," Mark said smiling just a little. He had been thinking about those diapers since this started and wondering how they fit into this then process, or whatever it was he was going through, and blushed just then as he looked down at his panties. Her little sissy wasn't ready for big girl panties, he mused.
"Come on sweetheart and lets get you changed into something more suitable for a new sissy," Julie said laying a towel down on the bed.
"New sissy," Mark asked blushing but walking towards the bed.
"Your a sissy in training honey. In this case we've got to start you at the beginning. For new sissies that can't control themselves, the Sissy 101 guide calls for baby diapers and sweet plastic panties. Now lay down so auntie can change her sissy girl into sissy baby girl," Julie said.
Mark wasn't sure if he should take the panties off or not as he reached the bed. Julie had moved to the large dresser but turned and said, "leave them on honey till I get your baby wipes."
"Mark felt incredibly conspicuous as he laid down over the towel in just his panties. He still had the towel wrapping his head. He felt vulnerable and suddenly almost as excited as before as Julie turned with the folded diaper in her hands, one of the white pair of baby pants they had gotten and those baby wipes.
She was going to diaper him, he mused. This was unreal as she bent over him to place everything on the bed. With her hands free she started pulling his panties down causing him to lift. He blushed over the mess he'd made and more the reason as she gathered them into a bundle that went into the bathroom.
Julie took up a baby wipe and another experience struck him as the fabric moved over silky smooth skin. He was beside himself when she oiled her hands and almost as excited. That, he decided was also knew, this sexual urge so quickly after having found satisfaction. It only got more intense when she rubbed him with the baby powder after.
The diaper went under him when he lifted at her command and opened only slightly till he rested back over it. She tugged the side flaps out front to back and with a kind of motherly touch or expertise began smoothing the diaper around him. He liked the idea of her being more of a nurturer then as she slipped the front half of his diaper under the back flaps holding the tapes.
Mark's legs were spread wide but he'd brought his feet back almost touching leaving a wide area for the diaper between his legs. The instant his diaper was taped he brought his legs together again hearing the crinkling sound that started the moment she began to diaper him. It also gathered the soft warm material between his legs cupping him as it tugged at his waist.
If felt unlike anything he'd ever worn before this and definitely didn't look like anything he'd had one that he could remember. He was wearing a diaper. A baby's diaper and with that thought he realized she'd tapped him into one of the night time diapers besides. He was diapered as easily as one might a baby and when Julie left to the dresser again he saw the pacifier they had purchased.
"Do I need that," Mark asked feeling a little uncomfortable actually nursing a baby's pacifier.
Julie smiled but placed her free hand on the front of Mark's diaper as she said, "do sissy baby's need diapers?"
Mark wasn't sure how to answer that but she wasn't expecting an answer as she teased the pacifier against his lips. The soft cool rubber nipple gently forced his lips apart and with a touch of reluctance, or perhaps capitulation, took what was clearly meant for a baby fully into his mouth. His mouth instantly began to water and he swallowed causing him to at least look as if he was nursing it. With him pacified Julie turned for the baby pants.
More rustling came as Julie opened the new baby pants. They were gathered and Mark, without being told, slipped his foot into the opening, one after the other. The elastic began gripping his thighs as Julie tugged them to the edge of his diaper and again he lifted. The act of assisting as he did moved the diaper around him.
The diaper, as thick as it was, did not fully expand the baby pants and while they gripped him softly around the waist and legs they seemed to hang slightly loose. It was an all too familiar look, but Mark realized suddenly he'd only seen that look on babies till now. What was he doing, he mused, as he nursed at the soft nipple.
Julie, knowing what was happening, took her time moving around the elastic edging... fusing it appeared but intentional giving Mark the time he needed to understand what was happening. Mark didn't fully comprehend his emotions, most boys didn't but those same boys knew what felt pleasant. It was Mark's face, showing his flush, and his eyes closing for long seconds that told Julie most of what she needed to know.
She was trading with Mark although Mark didn't know it. She was using what Mark knew of such things to exchange positions with him. He was suppose to be the dominate by right of birth, she the submissive. That was always the undercurrent with cross dressing or regression. Mark was no longer even capable of being in charge and while he might not realize it, deep down he was aware of it.
For Mark's part it was just a diaper, pair of baby pants and a pacifier. Three things of no real significance, he tried thinking. Yet, together he could feel himself relinquishing his role, the one he'd learned, towards something he might have known younger. There was a touch of reluctance but not significant compared to his willingness to be pampered and he smiled over the word itself.
"There we go precious, now you can get as excited as you want," Julie said patting the front of his baby pants and diaper with reassurance and slight touch of irony as she added, "baby is nice and secure now."
Security! That was the word Mark was thinking about. Secure! He was secure... secure and safe somehow, perhaps protected even. Mark wasn't sure what he felt before she said that, but that was definitely part of it. All of the psychological mumbo jumbo, the rational, as little and confusing as it was, didn't matter because he was secure.
What a odd feeling this was and not unpleasant as Julie took his hands to guide him into a sitting position. She left him that way as she removed the towel around his hair allowing the damp strands to touch his back. The diaper and baby pants whispered slightly stretching at the back, gathering at the front as Julie walked off. Mark again felt conspicuous now that he was sitting.
Julie, meanwhile, had returned with his white flats and a new pair of white socks. She knelt before him for the socks and then his girl shoes before moving to her dresser. Mark watched as she lifted a camisole from the drawer. It wasn't one of the things they had purchased and he wondered over that. Julie was bigger than him by a significant amount so that top would be bigger.
"You can wear Auntie's top for a little bit while I brush your hair," Julie said as she took up a hair brush after fitting her top on Mark. The satiny blush pink polyester moved over his skin as easily as it might another layer of satin... a very pleasant feeling as Julie sat slightly back more and began to brush Mark's hair.
Mark realized that the pacifier was meant to keep him quiet or at least prevented him from talking. That, he decided, was a nice thing since he didn't want to. He had questions, issues, concerns even but he didn't want to rationalize right now. Mark wanted to enjoy his fate as Julie stroked his hair with the pink brush.
Mark wasn't sure how long she brushed but he could have sat there for the remainder of the night if need be. When the brushing ended he was relaxed enough to collapse and wanted to right into her arms, till she rose. He saw the two strips of ribbon and those too were not part of their purchases as Julie sat again. She brushed his hair once more but this time to gather it and while Mark couldn't see what she was doing he knew it was for the ribbons.
They were a foot long in length and pink. An inch wide and a moments worth of fusing with the first before Julie did the same with the other side. When she was done she stood first then had Mark stand taking his hand to guide him for the large mirror. Mark recognized himself, nothing had changed his face but framed with those ribbons and camisole he was now a girlish version.
"See, now is that a little sissy baby or what. Now who, but your mommy, would know you were actually a man," Julie said. Those words stung a little as Mark silently agreed. Girlish shoes, that puffy pair of baby pants, pink satiny top and two pig tails held off to each side with ribbons tied to bows. He was trapped into agreeing, although reluctantly, and that pacifier circling his mouth didn't help. It also hid his smile.
"Here," Julie said as she moved closer from behind. She guided his arms and hands as she might a doll, along with some basic directions and his pose changed. A feminine, girlish pose with his hands bent at the wrist. No guy would dare pose that way dressed or not. That was strictly a girl's pose Mark knew as he stood there.
She left him with a smile but not before removing her camisole. She was holding his new bra when she returned. Satin, shimmering in the light and from behind she brought it around for Mark to slip his hands and arms into the satin straps. A little girl's bra already formed and shaped but small as she brought it to his chest.
"You are an 'A' cup honey. That the smallest breast size and fitting for a girl just budding or a boy about to," Julie said as she joined the back strap across his back. Mark lowered his hands to his side again and Julie once more formed them for that same pose as she added, "I want you to remember this position for me so when I say stand sissy for Aunty, you can."
Mark nodded as he said the words 'stand sissy' to himself. Those bows in his hair and that bra mixed with baby pants and a diaper was such a contradiction suddenly but the diaper gave him hips and the bra gave him breast. He did look like a girl, he mused.
Julie left him to stand alone and returned again with his slip and that she guided over his bows to fall just above his knees. A white nylon top flaring slightly at the hem. The pink of his bra peeking from under his slip's straps with a shadow hinting of it under the slips bodice. Lace around that hem tickling his legs front and back and the fabric over his stomach slid easily against his smooth skin.
Did girls feel like this, he mused. A sense of something crept into his thoughts as he wondered that and Julie wasn't helping as she fused with the straps to gather the slip up another inch. Girls must feel this, Mark mused. Do the clothes make a girl feel girlish?
"Feels nice doesn't it," Julie asked reaching up to take his pacifier from his mouth. He lost a touch of the security he'd felt and nodded before adding a 'yes'. It did and there was no reason not to say so he mused. He was looking at a girl and younger than his real years.
Why was his hair long he wondered. For this, he mused but not holding on to that for too long. That thought was unnerving some yet he couldn't ignore what Julie had asked when she asked about it. Given his size, his build and admittedly his face, wearing his hair long was, for a boy that didn't want to be a girl, decidedly a contradiction.
"Much better being a girl than a boy when you can so easily look like a girl," Julie said.
"What," Mark answered.
"Notions honey. You have a notion of what boys are because you've been raised a boy but you've also, deep down, had a notion of what girls are. Look at you precious and tell me honestly how pretty you look," Julie said.
Mark's blush was pronounced and his face grew warmer. He couldn't say that but he couldn't fight the smile either as Julie went to her closet and took up that pink dress. It was basic in design with a straight collar and slightly puffed sleeves. It fit comfortably snug around him to his waist then flared slightly itself but a tiny bit more from the slip. A self belt at the back was transformed into a loose bow drawing the dress a bit more snug above his diaper.
"Clothes do make the man," Julie said snickering.
"Ouch," Mark said but smiling at Julie's joke. There wasn't a hint of a male looking back at him.
"Now tell me how pretty you look, little girl," Julie said grabbing Mark at the hips to twist him a little.
"I feel kind of silly saying that," Mark said.
"No you don't. You feel pretty but even knowing that you are still a guy with all of those guy notions holding you back. Honey, look at you. No makeup yet... Just two pretty hair ribbons and a cute little dress and I could take you anywhere with no one the wiser," Julie said as she slipped her arms around to hug him.
"You are scaring me," Mark said as he tried imagining just that. Going out would be terrifying yet there he was and Julie was right. Funny thing is he felt pretty if pretty could be felt.
"Well, that might be true, but imagine, just for a second, you and I back at that boutique and you dressed like this. Imagine no one paying any attention to you as you took up those panties or held a pretty dress against you. Come on now and help me help you with this. You are a very pretty little girl... admit it," Julie said.
"I am pretty," Mark said making it a mixture of question and statement.
"I am a very pretty little girl. Say it like you mean it," Julie noted.
"I am a very pretty little girl," Mark said but in a much more subdued voice. It gave him goose bumps saying that to the image in the mirror.
"Better. By the time we finish you will be and the thought of going out shopping is not even going to be a consideration," Julie said.
"What's that got to do with marketing," Mark said trying to tug himself back to reality. Julie talking of going out or taking his transformation beyond this for that reason made him nervous.
"Honey, you've done more marketing in these hours than days worth of surfing and reading. Do you realize that you've done most of what nearly all of those boys have done. Only you've done it in just a few hours. For some boys just doing this has taken them years," Julie said.
"How is this marketing," Mark asked.
"If you were witnessing this and not participating and I asked you to profile this young man would you be able to," Julie asked and added, "not an analysis of your emotions but just by observing?"
"Yes, a little I suppose, but yes," Mark said.
"That's marketing... You've defined a profile and that profile is going to fit a lot of those boys you are going to be talking with," Julie noted and added in a softer voice, "and best of all, you won't have to fib because you really are just like them."
"I'm not. I mean I'm doing this but it's not the same as them doing it," Mark said.
"The reasons are different but, right now, you are the same," Julie said.
"The reason don't matter then," Mark asked.
"Honey, take your skirt into your fingers and hold it out a little. You know what I mean, you've seen girls do that so do that," Julie said.
Mark took up his skirt between his forefingers and thumb knowing exactly what Julie meant as he said, "now what?"
"Now say I am a pretty little girl for me," Julie said.
"I am a pretty little girl," Mark said blushing.
"Again," Julie said but added, "but this time say it while you twist right and left a little."
Mark twisted in both directions and said, "I am a pretty little girl."
"Now, answering honestly, does the reason you are dressed like that make any real difference," Julie asked.
"No, I guess it doesn't," Mark said still twisting slightly till he realized he was going so.
"Good. Now lets do your makeup, get some pictures taken and do a little on-line shopping," Julie said.
"So what are we shopping for," Mark asked.
"My little sissy baby needs a couple of baby dresses, a pretty pair... maybe a couple pair of cute plastic lined ruffled panties and some very thick cloth diapers," Julie said as she added, "I like keeping my sissy babies in very thick diapers."
"Oh," Mark said with a sense of giddiness flowing over him.
"Would you like to try on a pair of panties again," Julie teased.
Mark, feeling himself almost as excited as he'd felt earlier, realized he had already dampened his diaper. He also realized he would be right back where he was when he first wore those panties. Right now the diaper was a good thing as he said, "I'd better not."
"Didn't think so," Julie said.
"So what was the point in asking," Mark asked.
"Just to make another point," Julie said smiling mischievously.
"I'm feeling very weird about this," Mark said.
"You'll get over it. Now come on and lets see just how pretty you really can be," Julie said taking Mark's hand to walk him out of her bedroom. They moved to the kitchen table after stopping in Mark's room for his makeup kit.
Julie brought her own makeup bag with her and a round makeup mirror that could stand on it's own. She sat the mirror in front of Mark and slid his makeup to him as she opened her bag. She rummaged a bit before picking up a bottle of foundation as she said, "your foundation is in that round compact."
Mark took his compact up and started to mimic what Julie was imitating as she showed him how to dab his foundation on. Mark did so in front of his mirror watching the foundation disappear but also noting his face change as it did so. The variations in skin tones smoothed as did the texture of his face as he finished.
Julie followed with her blush as Mark took up his. He did the same with a pencil to line his eyes then another for his brows that now came to a point slightly past the natural shape. Shadow followed and with each item more girl came out. It was amazing Mark first because he was doing makeup and secondly because he was becoming more feminine, more pretty. Decidedly more pretty.
Mark's lipstick was in a round container with an applicator brush. A lip gloss Julie noted as she had Mark draw it across his lips. The soft pink glistened wetly as he followed Julie's instructions to bring his lips together. Before him sat a girl and she was so pretty, he mused, in utter amazement. He was also thankful for the diaper as each moment grew slightly more intense.
"I would ask what you are thinking but I know," Julie said smiling at her young protegee, in this case using, to her a proper description of a woman's protege. Mark was, in essence, a girl in training and Julie, by definition, the trainer. It was a wonderful thought Julie mused privately.
"I guess shocking," Mark said.
"Not so much I would guess and one of these days you'll tell me why you liked wearing your hair so long," Julie said but added, "not yet though. For now lets ignore all of that and focus on making sure Cindy Sue has everything she needs."
Mark was grateful he didn't have to answer but then wasn't sure, after a moments thought, if he could answer. A friend had asked him that once when a boy whistled at him from the car. 'Guy needs glasses', Mark had said but his friend made it clear it was Mark with his long hair that confused that boy. The conversation had been dropped but it stayed with Mark and now it was back.
"Now lets go find you the thickest diapers we can find and something adorable to cover them with," Julie said as she leaned in to pat Mark's hand. Mark got up and walked with Julie to the third bedroom that served as their office. The company that rented the house, rented several and you could furnish them in a variety of ways.
Mark stood and followed Julie to the office but disappointed he couldn't sit at that mirror for more time. Mark got on Google and was amazed at the number of hits can came back for adult cloth diapers. Julie talked to him about each style, material and why she liked this or that. The discussion itself was unnerving as some of the sites showed adults in those diapers.
Mark had an account set up with an on-line pay service and a credit card in his name paid for by LMM. Nearly an hour passed before settling on a multi layer pre-fold gauze diaper for his basics ordering a dozen of those. Gauze, Julie noted is soft, loosely woven and more finely spun than birdseye or flannel.
It was more information than Mark needed or wanted but he realized this was information he could use. They ordered a couple of flat diapers of the same material, two contoured and a all-in-one so he could compare the feel of each. That last part made him blush since it reminded him he was shopping for himself. His size allowed him to fit into the youth small making it even a little more unnerving.
He ordered inserts and then went on to the plastic panties. Julie insisted he get pull-on baby pants and she used that word 'baby' with a smile in a semi clear so, as she put it, she could see his diaper. He got six pair of plain, three pair of snap-on plastic panties and then three pair of pull-on baby pants in pink. Sissy baby pants, Julie noted when she had him click on the image.
It got more interesting when they started searching the fetish wear sites and found girl's rhumba panties in frilly lace and ruffles. They got a white nylon with white lace, another with pink lace and then a pair in pink nylon and white lace. They also found baby pants in prints selecting care bears in a soft pink. Julie made him add a pair with gathered lace around the legs.
"It's amazing," Mark says when he clicks on the last order for his baby diapers and panties. Everything should ship next day and they've used over night so it all should start arriving within a couple of days at most. The baby dresses they find are cute and range of costumes to elaborate girlish outfits completely with bonnets. Julie makes Mark pick the one that Cindy Sue likes best and again they place their order.
Mark, still blushing from his ordeal, chose one dress in a very frilly lacy pink that had no waist. Julie told him they are called float dresses or Bishop style dresses perfect for baby and little girls without much waist yet. They ordered a less fancy dress but in a taffeta satin and one more that was more of a retro style baby doll top than a dress.
Satins for the first two but the fancier one was also covered in a sheer organdy that, Julie noted, was very nice to the touch. Julie had even made him buy a tee-shirt, in pink, that had script in a darker shade of pink that read 'Pampered Princess'. Mark was beside himself by the time he clicked on "buy" for a couple of retro baby doll sets that they found on Ebay.
It was exhausting him emotionally and he was also very damp or perhaps even wet and it wasn't from going potty he realized. Panties would have been soaked by now and that thought unnerved him given the reasons for his excitement. He wasn't sure how to explain that if he had to.
"I'm hungry," Julie said.
"Me too," Mark added stretching and thankful to think about something else.
"What say we go find something to eat," Julie asked.
"Works for me," Mark said assuming when Julie said that she was talking about what they had stocked when they arrived. The rental company stocked the cabinets and refrigerator with food including some already prepared.
"Let me get my purse," Julie said standing.
"Your purse," Mark said as he stood. He sat again as he added, "we're not going out. Not with me like this."
"You are so silly. You know how you look honey. No one is going to know and besides, I'm talking about fast food. You'll be in the car the whole time. You need to get out and you are so adorable precious," Julie said patting Mark's hand before taking it to have him stand.
"Why... I mean why are we going out," Mark asked.
"Part of your training and studies," Julie noted.
"Going out and being humiliated is part of my studies," Mark asked.
"Going out, absolutely. Humiliated? Not likely. A boy that didn't look like a girl might be humiliated, but not you. You are, to those outside, about as much girl as a girl can be," Julie said patting Mark's bottom before asking, "do you need to be changed? Are you wet precious?"
"No," Mark said flushing.
"Good. Come on and lets see a bit of the world through Cindy Sue's eyes," Julie said taking Mark's hand again.
"This is nuts," Mark said.
"Crazy perhaps but exciting too. Right," Julie noted looking at Mark for confirmation as she added, "you really must start enjoying this more."
"Kind of hard to enjoy something that scares you witless, or knowing I'm about to step outside dressed like a girl and I'm not, and what if we get into an accident. I can just imagine what the emergency room people would say when they lift this dress and find out what I'm wearing," Mark said.
"Granted, that might be interesting but the truth is they've most likely seen it before. Honey, I'm a nurse and I've seen some pretty interesting things in my life so trust me when I say that it might not be as odd as you imagine," Julie said.
"You've seen guys in diapers," Mark asked.
"Diapers, panties, girdles... just about anything that can be hidden under a man's suit," Julie said as she took up her purse and fished for her keys.
"Great," Mark said starting to follow Julie till she stopped suddenly causing Mark to ask, "what?"
"Wait here. I'll be right back," Julie said moving off for the bedrooms. She returned a second later and in her hands a pair of panties. Clearly women's panties, hers most likely because of the size and Mark had no idea why. She bent in front of Mark while holding the panties open. A basic white brief but in nylon.
"What are those for," Mark asked.
"Thought you'd feel better wearing panties and with your diaper and baby pants on, and mine should fit you that way," Julie said as she added, "lift your slip and skirt precious and lets get you into these."
"You thought I'd feel better wearing panties over my diaper and plastic pants," Mark said in a questioning tone.
"Was I wrong," Julie asked as Mark lifted his skirt and slip before stepping into the first leg.
"I'm not sure? I mean why would wearing panties make me feel better," Mark asked.
"OK, honestly it's not so much for you, as for me. I kind of like the idea of you wearing my panties. Makes me feel close to you," Julie said look up at Mark as she eased the panties up his legs to the edge of his baby pants as she added, "I guess that sounds a little weird."
"Weird? Not really. I mean if you want me to wear those that's OK," Mark said blushing as Julie stood but continued fusing with the panties till they covered the baby pants and diaper.
"Thank you," Julie said as she fluffed Mark's skirt and slip back into position. Mark didn't feel the panties or if he did he couldn't tell any difference but the idea of wearing Julie's panties did make him feel better. Now why would that be the case, he mused as Julie took up her keys and headed for the door.
Mark stood at the threshold of the front door squinting slightly from the light change and a setting sun. His first thought was of people standing outside waiting for him to come out but that was irrational. His second thought was of someone knowing a woman and guy lived here but a girl was with the woman now, although that was unlikely.
Julie moved down the well manicured path to the car and Mark followed like a kitten fearfully. but with little choice if he was going to stay with Julie. Mark hurried to his side of the car as the locks came up and just as quickly climbed inside.
"Hold it," Julie said and added, "you're wrinkling your skirt that way."
"What," Mark asked.
"Your skirt honey. Here, watch me," Julie said climbing into the car. Julie sat first gathering her dress as she did so, then in a smooth motion and with her legs together twisted to face forward before her legs came in. Mark had done the opposite by putting a leg in first.
"Oh," Mark said.
"Try it," Julie said.
"Now," Mark noted. The whole point of him rushing was to get in the car. Last thing he wanted was girl lessons out in the open.
"Of course. Sorry about this. I really should have spent a little time showing you these basics. Go ahead, we've got time," Julie said.
"It's not the time I'm worried about," Mark said looking over his left shoulder to see if anyone might see him.
"Just remember that when you are wearing a dress, you want to keep your legs together," Julie said ignoring his comments.
Mark let go of the seat belt, opened the door and got out. A second later he mimicked Julie, easing into the seat first then bringing his legs in. He kept his legs together and felt sissy doing so.
"And then gather your skirt after your in and before closing the door," Julie said.
Mark took up the skirt of his dress and with it the slip before reaching to close the door as he added, "how was that?"
"Not bad. Not bad at all. You're really a quick study Mark," Julie said smiling as she slipped her seat belt on.
Mark, in spite of his panic at being outside, smiled slightly over the complement. His knees, under the slip, moved smoothly and with his legs together he could feel the diaper gathering between them. It felt odd but wonderful as he fused with his skirt to even it out before fixing his seat belt.
Julie was about to mention he do that but didn't and smiled inwardly at how quickly Mark was progressing. Feminization had so many levels and Mark was involved in several at the moment as Julie started the car. Taking him outside this way was a confidence builder.
Feeling sissy, Mark mused. He didn't actually feel sissy although technically he was given how he was dressed. He felt feminine in a delightful way. As scared as he was at the moment there was a touch of adventure in this. Excitement perhaps but he wasn't sure he'd go that far in describing this.
Traffic on their street was light but got heavier as they moved towards the main road and a host of fast food restaurants. They actually had their pick of places within a few blocks of driving as Julie asked, "what's your pleasure Cindy Sue?"
"To go home," Mark whispered as he continued watching traffic moving at their pace on both sides of the middle lane Julie drove in. He felt like a deer trapped in a field full of hunters.
"Seriously," Julie asked.
"Yes! No, I don't know," Mark said in a slow quiet voice that Julie understood.
"First time is always the hardest," Julie said.
"As if there are going to be other times," Mark said sarcastically.
Julie ignored the remark merging into the left lane for a Windy's. There was a car in front, one in back a second later as they eased to the menu. Mark wanted the number 2 combo, same as Julie and Julie ordered. Mark watched intently the woman in front and two girls behind him as they eased to the window. The girl taking Julie's money, if she noticed Mark, didn't show it.
They had their order and was slipping back into traffic going opposite the way they had, heading home as Julie said... Picked up a saying a while back and always share it with my new girls. It goes: 'Try a thing you haven't done three times. Once, to get over the fear of doing it. Twice, to learn how to do it. And a third time, to figure out whether you like it or not.'"
Who said that," Mark asked.
"A guy named Virgil Thompson and I think he said it when he was 93. Always found that bit of advise very sound. Best thing is you just did it and guess what," Julie asked.
"What," Mark asked back.
"Nothing happened," Julie said.
Mark sat there with a growing sense of relief as he considered what Julie had just said. Nothing happened. Everything normal so far. The only real difference, Mark mused, was him. The girl in that window smiled and gave them their order and that was that.
"Nothing happened," Mark repeated.
"Amazing isn't it," Julie noted as she eased a hand into the bag to take a French fry.
"Yes," Mark said after a moments consideration. He realized that not much could happen giving he was in a car and they had only stopped once but, he also realized nothing had happened. He was in the middle of the world, his world, dressed as a girl and suddenly enjoying this adventure. 'How cool is this,' he mused to himself as Julie eased to the right and stopped.
"What's the matter," Mark asked.
"Nothing. Just thought we'd have our meal in that little park," Julie said as she stopped.
"What," Mark asked looking at the park, those few people and Julie.
"Come on now," Julie said and added, "we're going to simply sit and eat."
"Outside," Mark said making the point that it wasn't so simple.
"Just keep your legs together and be a little more delicate than you have been. Remember you're wearing lipstick so don't bite with your lips," Julie said as she opened her door while grabbing their meal.
Mark looked up and down the sidewalk following Julie's lead as he opened his door to follow her. He moved close almost ready to grab her arm as she made her way to an empty bench. Julie sat, Mark followed and again spent a second watching everything nearby.
"Watch me," Julie said taking a dainty bite of her burger after peeling the paper back but leaving it in place. She used a small napkin to blot lightly her lips and Mark did exactly the same thing. Two bites of their burger, a fry, then a sip of soda. Normal steps any other time, Mark mused.
At least twenty minutes went by as Mark ate, watched and noticed again that nothing happened. A woman and man walked by giving them a sort of casual nod but continued walking with nothing on their faces to suggest they knew. A boy on a skate board did the same, as did a man walking a dog.
They finished their meal, gathered the papers up and Julie made Mark walk the ten feet between them and the garbage can. Julie waited by the bench for Mark to return and Mark smiled. It was amazing this hiding in plane site. Mark was expecting to walk back to the car but Julie began walking in the opposite direction.
"Where are you going," Mark asked hesitating till the distance started to grow.
"Got to walk this meal off," Julie said as she continued walking.
Mark hurriedly moved to join her mindful of the skirt swishing around his legs with that reminding him of what he was wearing. He joined up with her in a slight panic as Julie took his hand. It calmed him slightly that gesture and with it a small bit of security.
"Pretty outside," Julie said.
Mark looking around for anyone near, nodded. It was pretty out as he took a second to ignore what he was doing to admire where he was. People were being people with no one giving them more than a casual glance if that. Mark's heart rate slowed to almost normal by the time they reached the other end of the park.
"Amazing isn't it," Julie asked. That same question as before giving Mark a moment to consider his answer and this time he said yes. They rounded a giant oak and followed the same path back towards the car. This time Mark walking without Julie holding his hand and this time Mark noticing the world and not himself.
He was almost reluctant to get back in the car.
"I've got to potty. Number one," Mark said casually as he opened the door and, remembering how to get in, did so. A move Julie noted happily.
"And your point being," Julie asked.
"I need to get home," Mark said. It wasn't how he was dressed as the reason now but that small slight urge he knew would grow.
"Honey, you are in a diaper," Julie noted as she pushed the key forward to start the car.
"You are kidding right," Mark asked.
"Of course not. Adult babies, some anyway, use their diapers. Won't hurt for you to understand what it's like. Of course some don't so if you can hold it, then do so," Julie said as she eased back into traffic. Julie was merging to the left as she added, "on another note, it would give me a reason to change you when we get back."
Julie was matching the speed of traffic although when they came to the street leading back to where they were staying Julie didn't take the turn lane.
"Where are you going," Mark asked.
"Just driving," Julie said and added, "did you potty yet."
"No," Mark said and added, "and I'm not going to be able to hold it for very much longer."
"Good," Julie said and with a smile noted, "and when you're done, just let me know."
"You're serious," Mark asked.
"Afraid so," Julie noted as she came to a light and stopped. A small pickup truck sat next to Mark with two guys and both were looking at Mark. Both were smiling as the light changed. They matched Julie's speed as Julie took off. Mark's panic slowly grew again as they continued matching the drive to the next light.
Mark, intent on getting back home, grew more aware of his urge to urinate and fought to overcome his reluctance to let go. It was those two guys riding alongside that helped and Mark began to wet. It was almost hot, his urine, as his diaper filled.
"I'm wet," Mark said with some sense of relief that this would allow Julie to take them home. There was also a sense of relief now that the urge was gone. Relief mixed with a growing discomfort over his state as Julie eased into the left turn lane for a U-turn. That turn though gave him additional relief as the truck with the two boys drove on.
"Go get another diaper from the bag in your room, and don't forget your wipes and baby powder," Julie said dropping her purse on the dining room table.
"They are in my room," Mark asked not sure why he needed to get a diaper unless Julie wanted to change him in her room.
"I've got half the bag in my room and the rest are in your closet," Julie noted.
"So why do I need to get the diaper," Mark asked.
"I'm going to change you here in the living room," Julie said casually.
"Here? Why here," Mark asked.
"A different environment. More open this way," Julie said.
"I'd rather we do this in my room or your room, again," Mark said.
"I know you would but it's up to mommy or auntie to make that choice and I'd rather do it here," Julie said.
"This is very uncomfortable for me," Mark said as he moved off reluctantly. It got slightly more intense as he reached the package of diapers in his room. He grabbed another night time diaper then went next door to Julie's room for the wipes and baby powder.
There was a fresh bath towel on the floor in front of the coffee table with Julie standing there waiting. In her hand one of the baby bottles they had purchased and it was full of milk.
"A bottle of milk," Mark asked feeling awkward standing there holding his diaper with her holding that baby's bottle.
"For the baby," Julie said as she swapped the baby bottle for the diaper.
Julie knelt beside the towel and waited for Mark. Mark feeling intensely embarrassed also knelt then twisted to sit before laying back. Julie immediately moved between Mark's legs causing him to spread them far enough so she had room and the instant he did so she began to lift his skirt and slip.
"That bottle isn't going to empty by itself," Julie noted as she eased Mark's baby pants down with her panties just enough to give her access to the diapers tape. Mark's skirt and slip were folded back and now resting on his stomach as Mark took a look at the baby's bottle before slipping it into his mouth.
He was nursing the cold milk as Julie slid back on her knees to slid the diaper, baby pants and panties down his legs. She had given him enough room to bring his legs together but had to spread them again for his fresh diaper. Two baby wipes, cooler than was comfortable, cleaned him before Julie slid the diaper under him. She used a liberal amount of baby powder once the diaper protected his slip and dress.
Like before, it was intensely erotic and soothing at the same time. Odd to that it gave more emphasis on the baby's bottle he was nursing as Julie fused once again with the thick diaper. She hadn't spent a great deal of time on rubbing the baby powder in, but it was enough to give him focus and a fervent wish she would keep rubbing that powder in.
She tapped Mark's diaper closed using a smaller hand towel to wipe her hands before she stood. Mark eased himself to a standing position so Julie could take up the towel he was laying over. Mark moved to the couch to sit as Julie gathered up the wet diaper, baby pants and panties.
Mark was holding the baby's bottle in his hand wondering if he should nurse it still. It was embarrassing just holding it and there was still a lot of milk yet. Julie didn't help as she walked off towards the hall bath. She was gone longer than it might take to drop those things off and it was clear she'd stopped in Mark's room because she now held his new nightgown.
Julie answered the question on what to do with the bottle when she took it and sat it on the coffee table. Mark's dress followed as did his slip and finally his bra. There was a slight sense of relief as that bra came off. More relief as Julie slipped the nightgown over his head.
When they purchased the two nightgowns Julie had gotten Barbie and another with Cinderella, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty and a few he didn't know on the front. Mark wasn't sure who all the girls were other than they were all in one sort of movie or another and now on him. The soft nylon caressed him as it fell over his chest.
"Put this on your nightstand and go ahead and get into your slippers and robe. Use your pacifier while you are on the computer," Julie said.
"What am I on the computer for," Mark asked.
"I want you to start a file in Word and write down some of your thoughts on the meeting you had with Ms. Pennyworth and the other two. A couple of pages on that then spend time writing about your experiences today beginning when we shopped. Imagine you are writing a letter to Mark as Cindy Sue. I don't want Mark's thoughts, I want Cindy Sue's," Julie said.
"What's that for," Mark asked.
"It's your journal honey. I want your thoughts. I want to know what you were afraid of and what made you excited. Later on, as you get more use to this and less afraid, you'll have these notes to reflect on," Julie said.
"Oh, Ok," Mark said as he moved off to his room for his new slippers and robe. Mark took up the baby's bottle of milk to take with him as Julie moved over to the television controller before sitting.
"I'll check on you in a couple of hours," Julie said glancing at Mark as she sat.
Julie took up her lap top sitting on the coffee table and logged in. A moment later she was reading her email. She was going to write her sister Helen a brief summery on Mark's day as she clicked on a letter with the title, 'Mark's dresses'.
Julie keyed it open and it read,
'Hi sis. Mark's first dress and slip is nearly finished. Hazel Worthington, our dress designer, is so damn fast. She would like to bring both over sometime tomorrow for a fitting before she starts the rest. Let me know what would be good for you two. We're on pins and needles here wondering how Mark's first day went. Hugs, Helen.'
Julie smiled as she hit the reply button.
Mark meanwhile was nursing his pacifier in his pink satin robe and furry slippers working to start his journal. He opened a file to a new page, saved it in a folder titled 'journal' and began typing:
'Journal, September 05'
Unbelievable day today and it began with a meeting of my bosses boss and president of Little Miss Muffin. Believe it or not, they want me to represent LMM as a kind of Marketing person for adult little girls and adult babies...'
It was nearly two hours later when Mark typed the words 'more later' before closing his first journal entry. It was ten pages long as he stretched. He was exhausted as he stood to go tell Julie he was going to bed.
Julie was watching an old movie when Mark came into the living room.
"I'm exhausted. Thought I'd turn in." Mark said.
"Good idea. I'm going off to bed in a bit myself. Tell you what, go into my room and in the second drawer from the top are my panties. Take a pair to wear to bed over your diaper," Julie said.
Mark, feeling himself responding again to that suggestion wanted to ask why but thought better of it as he said, "OK."
He wanted to ask what was on the agenda for tomorrow but thought better of that as well as Julie said, "goodnight Cindy Sue."
"Goodnight Julie," Mark said yawning as he walked towards Julie's room as Julie added, "and don't forget to finish your bottle sweetheart."
"Yes ma'am," Mark said smiling at Julie's request. He had every intention of doing just that, he mused as he reached Julie's bedroom door. Mark found Julie's panty drawer and took up a lavender pair this time. He'd thought about taking another pair of white but the color attracted him. He felt naughty rummaging through Julie's neatly folded panties before closing the drawer.
The panties felt wonderful under his hand as he moved them over the plastic cover of his disposable. It was hard to believe that wearing a diaper could be so erotic but it was as he lay there nursing the milk from his baby bottle. His bottle was covered in cute pastel Care Bears as his movements became more intense.
Julie meanwhile was back on her lap top and logging into the account they now shared. She typed in Admin and her own password getting immediate access to Mark's journal. Julie's smile grew as she began to read Mark's thoughts on today.
'My goodness Mark...' Julie whispered happily as she read some of what he wrote about her. Mark had imagined his pacifier, that first time he nursed it, as one of Julie's breast. A statement that left Julie thankful she'd brought along a couple of her better toys.
Mark was fast asleep when Julie checked in on him on her way to her room. It was almost an hour later before Julie lay back exhausted and very definitely satisfied. They both were as the house went silent.
Mark woke slowly, happily trying to keep the dream he'd had and only remembering that he was back in the conference room again. Ms. Pennyworth, Carol Winters his boss and Susan Evans, her boss were discussing his dress as he stood there in the middle of all three wearing it. That large oil painting of a girl wearing the same dress was above him only it was his face.
"I'd like to see more ruffles on her panties," Ms. Pennyworth said to the ladies as she lowered Mark's dress and petticoats. Mark smiled at that as he moved his hand over Julie's panties and the diaper he wore as the dream faded.
Mark's nightgown had gathered around his waist as he slept and he left it there as he pondered over wetting his diaper or not. He was sure Julie would ask and he was also sure she expected him to be wet as he considered doing so. This time was less difficult he noticed as the warmth spread first in front then over the sides and bottom.
His decision to wet his diaper was too fold as he began moving his hand over the panties and diaper more intently. He had found his baby bottle empty laying near his pillow and exchanged it for his pacifier on his night stand. Mark wasn't sure what parts of this brought him to climax if not all of it but it was as intense as any he had when it arrived.
Julie was sipping a fresh cup of coffee when Mark waddled into the kitchen in his robe and slippers. He felt flush and was sure Julie would note his red cheeks as he greeted her.
"Hey, how did you sleep," Julie asked.
"I suppose I should say like a baby but it sounds too weird," Mark said stretching again.
"Weird only to someone who wouldn't understand, perfectly natural to those of us who do. It's pretty remarkable when you consider how easily we really can regress. Nothing better than actually sleeping like a baby to sleep like a baby," Julie said and asked, "are you wet honey?"
"A little," Mark said blushing again. He was almost sure that's what Julie wanted but there was a touch of doubt in that thought. He was also sure he might give her the wrong impression given that she hadn't actually told him to wet his diaper. It made the act seem voluntary on his part and that made him a little uncomfortable.
"Good girl," Julie said as she moved her hand to tug on Mark's robe. That tug brought Mark closer to Julie who took that next second to slip her hand under his robe and nightgown. She was cupping him and he assumed to confirm he had wet. Julie was actually checking to see how warm he was which, if he was warm, meant he'd wet just a bit ago. He was warm.
"Why don't you go start your bath and I'll get your things ready," Julie said as she returned to her coffee.
"What's on the agenda for today," Mark asked in an attempt to change the subject. That 'good girl' was also a little unnerving but it left him tingly as well.
"Busy today, lots to do, but first things first and that's breakfast. There is a little family place right on main I saw and I'm hungry," Julie said.
"You want to go out for breakfast," Mark asked.
"Of course," Julie noted.
"Of course? You say it like it's a perfectly natural sort of thing me wanting to go out," Mark said trying to sound angry and not succeeding. He had thought about it last night, wrote about it and decided that it was slightly thrilling that short time outside. It was like he was getting away with something. He had passed and that part was the best part.
"It is perfectly natural for you Mark. Thought I'd explained it better but I guess not. Mark, honey, you are a natural. Very rare in this world and the only thing really missing is those few experiences to prove it to yourself," Julie said as she added, "as for me I already know that which is why I say some of this so matter of fact."
Mark considered what she was saying, mixing that with what he was feeling. Dressing up as a girl was thrilling, there was no doubt of that, going out even more and that he wondered over. He would have been perfectly happy to dress inside and leave it at that but stepping into the world had added something. Passing was a pass to do some of the things he wouldn't dare do otherwise.
"Why this drive to push me onto the world," Mark asked.
"Why this drive? Well, a dominatrix, among other things is a teacher in a way. I'm teaching you things that are going to help you in your job. Going out is a big part of my lesson plan," Julie said.
"You're kidding right," Mark asked.
"Nope, and we've talked about this a little already. Mark, there are boys out there that have no desire to pass or even consider going out. Some are interested in just cross pieces or fetish items, others dressing up and a few actually want to be girls. You've discovered that panties are a turn on for you. You've also discovered that you can look like a girl - easily. Between those two you've covered a great many of the boys you'll be dealing with.
"Transvestites and transsexuals," Mark asked.
"No terms. Terms don't work, at least not for me. If there is a boy that wants to be a girl, he's a girl. If there is a boy that simply likes dressing as a girl and pretending, then he's a boy most times and a girl once in a while. That boy that loves panties or a diaper or whatever it is that turns him on, just means he's found something that winds his clock. Everybody has something that winds their clock," Julie said.
"What about those boys that want to dress as baby girls," Mark asked feeling a twinge of excitement over that.
"They are baby girls," Julie said.
"Just like that," Mark said.
"Exactly just like that. Mark, every day you don a mask of one sort or another. Everyday, everyone slips into or behind a facade of sorts to move around and work in the world. We are leaning to act from the moment we discover what it is people expect from us. You might even be doing things you hate but you do them because it's expected. You might want to do something no one expects so you cover that. Mark, the thing is, we truly are actors and the world truly is our stage," Julie said.
"So I am learning to act like a girl for the boys that want to be girls then," Mark asked feeling comfortable with Julie's justification.
"Or, put another way, you are unlearning how to be a boy and relearning how to be a girl," Julie said.
"I don't follow," Mark asked.
"OK, when you were born and for a couple, maybe a few years, you didn't much care about gender. You might play with a girl's toy or boy's toy and neither toy would make much difference for you to play with it. Someone taught you which toy you play with," Julie said and added, "a whole lot of people have been teaching you how to be a boy or better still, how not to be a girl," Julie said.
"Oh, OK, so I get that, but what about the boys who dress up even though they know they shouldn't," Mark asked.
"Good question and you've got part of the answer when you remembered what happened with that nail polish. You were curious, but you knew that boys don't paint their nails, yet you tried it anyway. Why was that," Julie asked.
"I guess I really was curious," Mark said as he remembered that day.
"Trouble wasn't with you because being curiosity is a part of growing up. Trouble was with your aunt who immediately taught you it was wrong. She threatened to 'out' you so to speak and you were old enough to know what getting 'outed' would mean. It left an impression. In this case a negative impression and hence your fear now," Julie noted.
"You're telling me I'm scared to go out now because of my aunt," Mark said.
"No. That was one event. There have been hundreds of events since then. You've either been part of them or witnessed them but you've had a thousand lessons on what you can and can't do," Julie said and added, "so what might have happened if your aunt simply painted your nails and allowed you to satisfy that curiosity?"
"I don't know," Mark said thinking about it.
"One of two things perhaps and perhaps one thing already," Julie noted.
"Hows that," Mark asked.
"You might have liked it and wanted to do more. You might have liked it and continued to do it and formed a fetish of sorts. Could be you like a woman's hands with red nails on them. All sorts of things form around those events. It could have been part of you wanting to be girl. In any case, what did happen is you were scared out of it," Julie said.
"I was but I don't see how this is connecting with going out with me dressed as a girl," Mark asked.
"Some boys, that were scared over something similar to your experience grow intrinsically around those events and I get a few of those who find one thing in particular a turn-on. A few like going out and some of those, most even, don't pass. In their case, the thrill for them is the punishment or risk of exposure. In others the thrill is in passing - cheating if you will, and a few, the boys that want to be girls, simply feel more natural passing and going out. Takes all kinds," Julie said.
"So which am I," Mark asked considering his own feelings as Julie had noted.
"I could guess and I could probably guess pretty accurately. You might even know already. The thing is it doesn't matter in your case because you are preparing yourself to represent males of all walks of life who do all sorts of things that might make them want to buy one of your dresses," Julie said, then adding, "and some of those customers are going to be girls don't forget."
"Girls," Mark asked.
"Girls! Lots of girls want to pretend to be little girls. Lots of girls want to pretend to be babies. We're just as complex as guys are," Julie noted.
"But a girl can simply buy one of those dresses," Mark said curious why a girl would have trouble doing so.
"Just as difficult for a girl as a boy when it comes to fetishes or regression honey. Besides, there are girls growing up who would be just as uncomfortable as any boy if they had to wear those kinds of dresses," Julie said.
"OK, some of this makes sense but it's not going to make in any easier or less scary," Mark said.
"True enough and it won't for the first few times but it will over time," Julie said.
"How long," Mark asked.
"Can't answer that. Could be this time is the last time you worry. Could take a dozen times, two dozen even. It's up to you and where you are at. Right now you're scared but most of it is because you don't believe you pass. Right now you believe everyone you meet is going to know. They won't, but that doesn't change how you feel. The thing is, once you do realize how easily you pass, you will change," Julie said.
"But I don't know how to act like a girl," Mark said.
"You do because the difference isn't on being a girl or boy but on being feminine or masculine. Honey, if you went camping with a girl and you both wore jeans and tee-shirts, you might do and act exactly the same way. She's not going to worry about keeping her legs together or eat in any particularly different way because she won't need to," Julie said.
"It's the clothes," Mark asked.
"It's the clothes for most. Some girls are feminine. Some boys are effeminate. Both types move 'girlishly' no matter what they wear. Some girls are not as feminine and some boys not effeminate at all and, again, both also move about in that context. If you remember that you are in a dress and act accordingly, you'll do what a girl does," Julie said.
"Easier said than done," Mark said.
"Done easier when done," Julie said and added, "and talking about it is just talk. You've got to walk that walk so you can, one day, talk that talk."
"I just don't think I can do this," Mark said getting scared again.
"I think you can but I'll make you a deal. We'll do this step by step and when it becomes too much to consider or too scary, for any reason, we'll simply leave and come back here. How's that," Julie said.
"You promise," Mark asked.
"I promise. Tell you what, I'll even let you wear panties and nylons today," Julie said.
"Panties... but... I mean, I... You know what I mean," Mark said remembering what happened when he stepped into those panties.
"OK, lets do this then... I'll put you into your little girl panties and then we'll cover those with one of your day diapers. That way, no matter what happens, no one will be the wiser," Julie said.
"Panties and a diaper," Mark said hoping it sounded like he was simply reviewing the deal and not showing as much excitement as he felt.
"Panties for the little girl and a diaper for the sissy boy," Julie said teasing a little. She knew some of what had thrilled Mark yesterday and wanted him thrilled for most of today.
"I'm not sure," Mark said feeling giddy and slightly faint from the image he was conjuring up just then. His wet diaper getting wet again.
"One step at a time and the first step is your bubble bath while auntie goes and gets Cindy Sue's things ready," Julie said.
Mark nodded as he turned for the bathroom. He was glad he was still wearing a diaper as he reached the bathroom and more so as his climax grew less intense. Julie watched him walk off and smiled broadly. He was going to be a delightful girl, she mused, even better as a sissy boy.
Mark's bubble bath was as wonderful as the one he'd taken yesterday, more so perhaps as he savored the smell of perfume and baby powder that swirled invisibly around him. Something about the hours that had passed and the magic in them that made him feel less uncomfortable now than he had been yesterday.
"Hi sis," Julie said after Helen answered her phone.
"Hey, expected your call half an hour ago," Helen said.
"Got into another discussion over taking him to breakfast dressed as a girl," Julie said.
"He OK," Helen asked.
"As expected. Lots of apprehension, lots of unknowns. Nothing I haven't seen before," Julie said.
"We still on then," Helen said and added, Hazel would very much like to see him in his first dress. Actually so would I, Carol and Susan for that matter."
"That's why I called. He's taking his bath right now. I would guess another hour and half hour at least," Julie noted looking at the clock on the wall of the kitchen.
"We'll see you then," Helen said hanging up as she looked at the two other women before adding, "we're on."
"I'll call the photographer," Susan said as she turned for her office.
"Hey," Julie said knocking on the bathroom door as she added, "you're going to turn into a prune if you stay in there any longer."
"OK," Mark said with his chin just above the water and bubbles. He rose as the water drained and took up one of the large white towels. His ribbons, the ones that had been in his hair were sitting on the counter so he could shampoo. The ribbons made him smile as he dried himself.
"Powder first," Julie said knocking once on the bathroom door before opening it. She was holding a large round dusting powder container with a powder puff.
"We didn't get that," Mark said trying to remember and sure it wasn't part of their purchases.
"My own blend. A luxury for those I consider special," Julie said as she opened the ornate semi-opaque lid and took up the large diameter powder puff.
"Special? I'm special," Mark said feeling a little special after his soak.
"Very special," Julie noted as she began to dust Mark from behind.
"What's in it? Smells like baby powder," Mark asked.
"Arrowroot and talcum. The arrowroot makes the powder more silky. I add rose scented geranium but what you really smell is the lavender essential oil. Same thing they use in baby powder. I like a bit more of the oil in my baby's powder," Julie said as she dusted down Mark's back.
"Oh," Mark said getting a little light headed as the scents blended in the small room and some of it their close proximity. Julie worked down his legs before moving to the front to come back up.
Julie bypassed his genitals but smiled at his erection as she said, "is it me, the baby powder scent, bath or the thought of those panties again?"
"All of it," Mark said giving up trying to rationalize the irrational.
"Good," Julie said.
"Good? It might be good for you, but I'm not sure I can sustain this condition forever and be good to anyone," Mark said in a mischievous tone. He was feeling wonderful and excited and a lot of it over what he was going to be wearing.
"Well, we could take care of that easily," Julie said as she stood, sat the powder puff down and opened her robe. She was wearing a lush two layer white nightgown that gathered around her delightfully in soft long folds.
"Are you propositioning me," Mark said mischievously.
"Good heavens no. I am simply proposing a workable remedy for a condition that is very well known to laymen and experts alike," Julie said snickering as she continued opening her robe.
Mark wanted to make love in the worse possible way and he could imagine doing so with this woman, but worried suddenly over a union that had started off as odd as this one did. He was having second thoughts as he considered this.
"Something wrong," Julie said noting the obvious.
"It's... I'm just not sure is all. Gosh, I'm not sure of anything right now," Mark said in frustration.
"Sex," Julie asked.
"Sex under these conditions," Mark said falling into a rational that wasn't even close to be rational.
"Me," Julie asked.
"No! Definitely not you. Julie, it's me. I mean if I like this what's that make me all of a sudden," Mark asked.
"In my eyes," Julie asked.
"Yes! I mean what are you going to think of me," Mark said feeling the mood leaving him.
"Are you kidding? Honey, what I'm really thinking right now you most likely don't want to know because it might scare you but the truth is you are, as far as I'm concerned, about the most perfect male a woman would want," Julie said as she
"Me? Perfect? A guy that just stepped out of a bubble bath, is about to dress like a girl and that's going to most likely include a diaper? That's your idea of a perfect male," Mark asked with a touch of sarcasm in his voice.
"Absolutely not," Julie said looking suddenly serious.
"I didn't think so," Mark said having his worse fears confirmed.
"Now if you were about to dress as a little girl... say in one of those adorable little dresses my sister sells, then yes, you would be perfect. Unfortunately those dresses are not ready yet so I'll just have to fake it a little," Julie said.
"Your not serious... are you," Mark asked feeling himself drifting into arousal again.
"Honey, I do this for a living, but I wouldn't do this if I didn't like it and right now, right this instant, I'm liking it very much. I'd like to like it a whole lot more if I can get you to stop analyzing everything," Julie said moving close enough that her nightgown was now touching Mark.
"I've stopped," Mark said as Julie slipped her arms around Mark's naked body and with it the robe around his sides and back with the nightgown pressing between them. Julie started the kiss but Mark's passion, nearly feverish before this, took hold again.
Julie, slowly, firmly backed them both out of the bathroom in a slow waltz to the beds edge before they broke free of each other. Julie lay back first, Mark followed wishing with all of his might he could last till they actually joined. There was a flurry of movement by each and snickers as the layers of nightgown began to seem endless.
It did end but most of those layers Julie took up to encase Mark in as he found her. He felt a not so gentle grip on both cheeks as Julie pushed to meet him and whatever Mark's thoughts might have been shifted to something not too unlike a dream.
Julie had the experience and control and Mark found himself feeling like a light on a variable switch growing brighter then dimming then getting bright again. She was doing this on purpose till Mark thought he might go mad and then suddenly did as his climax was given. That was almost literal as Julie moved him to sheer ecstasy.
Neither moved for the longest time catching their breath and enjoying the aftereffects of their union. A great deal of ice had broken away with this act and while Julie expected it, knew it would happen, it didn't lesson how she felt as she wrapped her legs around Mark to hug him completely.
"Amazing," Mark whispered in small gasps.
"Truly," Julie echoed.
"Now what," Mark asked kissing Julie on the forehead.
"I'm thinking we can get someone to hook us up to Intravenous feeding tubes and we simply stay this way for the rest of our days," Julie said.
"Works for me," Mark said softly.
"Or we can see if this worked well enough so you can wear panties now," Julie said snickering.
"Bet I can," Mark said falling on his back but taking some of the voluminous nightgown with him.
Julie took up a gathering of the skirt and laid it over Mark as she moved to her side and smiled down at him as said, "I think we've discovered how to get you into panties."
Mark looked down at the layers of white nylon covering him and smiled as he said, "I think you are on to something."
"One way to find out," Julie said struggling up as she gathered her nightgown to do so. She went off to Mark's room or so he gathered and confirmed that when she returned with a lavender pair of panties. Panties that had Sunday appliqued in a delicate pink script. Mark was on his back as Julie began easing the panties over his feet.
Mark stood when the panties reached his knees feeling wonderful over the act and results.
"Going to hate giving up the diapers though," Mark said in a show of mock concern as she helped him back into his training bra.
"Honey, if I know you and, as funny as it sounds, I'm beginning to, you'll be back in a diaper in no time," Julie said patting the front of his panties in affection. He stirred slightly and laughed.
Mark's second new slip followed and the lavender dress over that. Two more ribbons were in Julie's hands as she invited Mark to sit and try on his new nylons. They were thigh highs with lacy elastic at the top and stopped around the fleshy part of his things. Mark wiggled his toes into his flats before Julie invited him to the kitchen for his makeup.
She made Mark do his foundation while she blow dried his hair and once again slipped the two strips of ribbon around two equal gathers. Bows again as Mark took up his blush to mimic yesterdays lessons. Julie was happily surprised to find Mark, with only a little coaxing, doing exactly what he'd been shown only once and the boy, what little there was, disappeared.
Mark was sliding the waxy lip gloss across his lips when Julie returned with a bottle of nail polish.
"Nails this time," Mark asked looking at the small bottle in a light pink pearl essence.
"How long has it been since you played with this stuff," Julie asked.
"A very long time," Mark mused as Julie opened the bottle after sitting. A single stroke on his pinky and two each for the rest of his fingers left them glassy and wet looking. A hint of pink with that pearl glow was a delightful look as Mark sat there allowing them to dry.
Julie warned him to leave them alone till she returned showered and dressed. Mark did but not without admiring them while doing so. The soft fumes hinting of acetone slowly ebbed. Remarkable that wet look never went away Mark mused just before Julie came in.
"Should be dry," Julie said catching Mark still admiring his nails. Her statement left Mark in doubt that it was true giving how wet they still looked. He experimented gingerly and Julie was right to his delight. That red nail polish his aunt had painted his nails in had been the same.
"Finally got your answers as well," Julie said.
"How's that," Mark asked not sure what Julie meant.
"That question you asked yourself long ago. What's it like or something to that effect, has been clearly answered, hasn't it," Julie noted.
Mark sat there in silence trying to remember what motivated him so long ago. He wasn't sure if that was the question but he was sure as that day wore on that his nails were decidedly girlish. Like now, he mused happily as he said, "got answers to questions I haven't even asked yet."
"Like," Julie asked.
"Like why some guys might like this," Mark said.
"Anyone you know," Julie asked slightly surprised at the statement.
"Just one so far but I can imagine talking to these guys and wondering what it is they do and not so much why," Mark said.
"Really," Julie asked astounded.
"I'm going too far with this," Mark said suddenly.
"Not sure what that means," Julie asked.
"I'm not sure either. I guess what I'm saying is that this is so weird, yet not. It's like being told all of your life that this or that is terrible, horrible and definitely not something boys would do under any circumstances, then finding out most all of what you've been told is wrong," Mark said sounding confused but making sense to Julie.
"Feelings or the feel," Julie asked.
"That's just it, it's both. I feel wonderful and it feels wonderful," Mark said.
"Some of that's the sex honey. Those endorphins are still swirling around in your head," Julie said deciding to counter some of this for the sake of Mark's arguments.
"Not really! OK some of it perhaps but not all of it. Let me ask you this then... do you like nylons and do they feel the same to you as they feel to me right now," Mark asked.
"Yes and no. We wear them all of the time so we get use to how they feel so there is that, but there are moments. Stepping into a lovely pair of panties and encasing freshly shaven legs in silk or nylon just before putting on a pretty dress does give us pause, so there is that as well," Julie said.
"Feminine," Mark asked.
"Yes, feminine. A female can feel more feminine at times and so too a male. I don't think gender restricts those feelings to just half of the population. Silk, satin, nylon, even a smooth polyester or organdy feels pretty much the same to both of us. I often think that's why people get so upset with boys dressing as girls... they fear that boys will like it," Julie said.
"Some do," Mark said and added wistfully as he moved his knee under his slip, "I do... a little."
"Wow, didn't think I'd hear that this soon," Julie said.
"Meaning you'd hear it sooner or later," Mark asked with a wry smile to match Julie's.
"Meaning exactly that," Julie said as she moved to fuss with Mark's bow as she added, "now you up to stepping outside again?"
"No... Yes... I'll tell you when we are in the car," Mark said standing.
"Good enough," Julie said looking at the clock. Her sister was ten minutes past her promise and just as she thought that the doorbell rang.
"Want to get that," Julie asked smiling.
"Not likely," Mark said feeling his heart start to beat faster.
"Be right back." Julie said.
Mark sat in the kitchen in a mild state of panic. Since no one knew where he was staying he was sure it wasn't for him. Could be church people he mused since it was Sunday and smiled at that since he was wearing a pastel lavender pair of panties that had Sunday written on them.
"Mark! Mark honey, your boss is here," Julie said from the living room.
"Damn," Mark said almost loud enough to cast past where he was. He looked at his nails. Same thing happened with his aunt except he'd only gotten one of his nails painted back then. Now he was fully dressed as a girl and his boss was here.
"Mark," Julie called.
"Can I see you for a second," Mark called back now standing near the wall of the kitchen. He could not make his room without being seen.
"They brought your dress! One of them at least," Julie said coming into the kitchen and finding Mark no longer there. She turned smiling as she found him against the wall hiding as she said, "what are you doing."
"What am I doing? Hello? Look at me," Mark said.
"Very pretty honey, but what are you doing," Julie asked.
"Julie, they'll see me like this," Mark said.
"Exactly. Precious, this is exactly what they are expecting," Julie said.
"They are expecting me to be dressed and looking like a girl," Mark asked.
"Of course. Why do you think I'm here? I mean other than enjoying the heck out of myself, I've been commissioned to do exactly what I've done and they are expecting exactly that," Julie noted patting Mark's hand.
"I guess I had more time to prepare for this," Mark said.
"Sweetheart, you've had all the time you need. Now come on and lets show them why you are the best person to market those dresses. And speaking of which, wait till you see what Hazel has made for you," Julie said.
"Hazel is here too," Mark asked.
"Everyone is here," Julie said.
"Not Ms. Pennyworth," Mark asked in a whisper loud enough for Ms. Pennyworth to hear. It brought a smile to the faces on the other side of the wall from where Mark hid.
"Will you settle down. Now come on and just remember to keep your legs closed when you sit. And don't forget, when you sit, to gather your dress first so you don't wrinkle it. Now I'm sorry I didn't teach you to curtsey," Julie said taking Mark's hand in hers.
"I'm going to die," Mark said allowing Julie to tug him from the kitchen.
Ms. Pennyworth was ahead of the other three standing now in the large living room with Carol, Susan and Hazel. Hazel was holding a very full dress on a hanger and covered in plastic. There was a slip under it. Susan was holding a shopping bag with handles as was Carol. Their light chatter ended abruptly as Mark came into view.
Only it wasn't Mark they saw. Logic dictated it was Mark, had to be Mark and was Mark, but none of the women saw the Mark they knew. It was like meeting a cute little girl for the first time and decidedly shy. Perhaps not so little either but that was the impression they had, because of his ribbons and pig tails.
Ms. Pennyworth, not holding anything but her purse stood in utter surprise with a hand covering her mouth. She had an amused grin under those fingers. Mark was feminine in some ways even before this, but nothing prepared her for what she was seeing. Mark was adorable. His shyness, that timidness walking in, making it more so. Helen's heart fluttered in her chest.
Mark stood opposite of those four women clinging in quiet desperation to Julie's hand. Mark was sure there was going to be a burst of laughter any second. His cheeks flushing at the thought of his humiliation now only seconds away. He waited for the looks to change, then the laughter.
It didn't come. Nothing but silence greeted him. Silence and those looks of amazement. Mark wasn't sure what was worse, the silence now or the laughter he was about to hear. He'd quit this, he mused. He'd go change and walk. Not too late and to hell with them he decided.
Ms Pennyworth moved first dropping her hand from her mouth to her side, and coming directly up to Mark as she said, "honey, if I had any doubts about you doing this, not a shred of it remains. You are amazingly pretty. What an amazing transformation. Mark, we might have to rethink our Marketing strategies a little now that I've seen your potential."
Mark wanted to say something, anything, but couldn't. He did blush anew and felt faint but the boss of bosses hadn't laughed. In fact, she hadn't even snickered so far and that suddenly bothered Mark some.
"Unbelievable," Susan said as she sat the shopping back down to walk over to join Julie and Helen.
"Incredible," Carol said moving closer but not too close given there was not much room around Mark all of a sudden.
"I think he very much a girl," Hazel said in her broken English but sounding very satisfied with what she said over what she saw.
"Can't imagine anyone else doing this so accept my congratulations and my appreciation," Ms. Pennyworth said extending her hand to take Mark's.
"No kidding Mark, you look amazing," Susan said.
"Ditto," Carol said.
"We've been playing with his look. Mostly to see how young we can get him to look but also to see how he fairs as the fairer sex," Julie said proudly.
"Whatever you've done, keep doing it," Ms. Pennyworth said still looking at Mark. She was guessing at the age thinking early teens, maybe even pre-teen. She was also wondering in an amusing way how Mark might fair in some of the pageants they sponsored. What a publicity stunt that would be she thought.
"That is really you, right," Carol said.
"It's me," Mark said thankful for what Julie had said giving him the workings of a reason to be dressed the way he was. The complements, the way he felt, the layers of perfume from everyone gathering around him, not to mention what he was wearing left him dizzy.
Five women and suddenly his dream came back to him. It wasn't that board room and they were not lifting his dress to see the ruffled panties but it was spooky nonetheless.
"Mark, we're sorry to arrive unannounced, but Hazel here has outdone herself and finished your first dress. It gave me a reason to see what sort of progress you've made and I took the liberty of dragging the rest with me. Mark, I've got to tell you that I am truly amazed and I mean that. You are nearly perfect as a girl and I hope that sounds like the complement it's suppose to be," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"Couldn't hope for a better representative for this new line," Carol said as she too added, "and I also mean that as a complement."
"Might be hard convincing anyone that he's a guy," Susan said smiling as she added, "and what a guy you are for doing this. Mark, you've made me glad on a number of occasions to be working with you but this has got to be right at the top of my list now. Well done."
"Thank you," Mark said shyly. His fight and desire to flee was easing some but his embarrassment wasn't as he stood there hoping the slip was enough to hide his excitement. Of all the times to get excited, he mused and wondered as well why that was.
"Mark, I know this is kind of sudden and way sooner than we planned, but can I talk you into pictures today. I'm having the promotional people over early on Monday and I'd love to use your actual pictures for the work-ups," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"Pictures, like this," Mark asked.
"Actually no. Pictures in your first little dress. That one that Hazel brought. She was going to see how it fits but I'm thinking we might just as well get some shots of you in it since you are so far ahead of where I'd thought you'd be," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"I guess that would be OK," Mark said.
"Excellent. Carol, can you give Mrs. Biggs a call and see if she can work us in. She's probably at home," Ms. Pennyworth noted.
"I'm on it," Carol said moving off as she flipped her cell phone open.
"Pictures... You mean in the studio," Mark asked as his fear rose again.
"That a problem," Ms. Pennyworth asked.
"No! No, not at all. I just thought you were talking about pictures here. You know, as in here, here."
"Not for you honey. Nothing but the best and Mrs. Biggs is the premiere child photographer in this area. Probably the best in the state, and nothing but the best for you given your sacrifices," Ms. Pennyworth noted.
"We were planning on going out for breakfast anyway," Julie said looking at Mark for a second and making her face change. Mark wasn't sure the look he was getting but he was sure her saying that meant he should say yes. Could be something she'd heard that he'd missed in this conversation. It was just as scary going to a studio as it was a crowded restaurant.
"What if we do brunch after and that way we get the pictures out of the way first," Ms. Pennyworth noted and added, "he can easily pass with this look and there are some things I'd like to explore now that I've seen him."
"Great idea," Susan said as she added, "How about Mikes, near work? It's about half way from the studio but we'll need reservations."
"Do that. Get us a table for say... two o'clock." Ms. Pennyworth said looking at her watch.
It was just at ten and that meant, if Mark counted lunch or brunch, nearly the better part of the day outside. This, he decided, was slightly beyond what he'd signed up for but he was standing there agreeing. Although that had been for pictures, not a brunch.
"Is all of this OK Mark," Ms. Pennyworth asked.
Mark took a furtive look at Julie who nodded almost imperceptibly. Something about that nod and then that look again. He wanted desperately to know what she was thinking but knew he couldn't before he'd have to give an answer. Why he was trusting her in this wasn't clear but suddenly he was.
"Yes ma'am, I guess that would be OK," Mark said. What was he saying he mused.
It was the complements, that's what was changing things. It was one thing to hear from Julie that he passed, but the other four were saying the same things, with meaning. He passed! These were not just words, not just descriptions but something more lavish. Something not heard before in his context.
Those words were tangible, textured as if soft warm blankets they used to cover him. Not blankets either perhaps, but something more. Something warm taken in after being out in the cold. Those words emanated from within first then outward and Mark glowed. He was pretty, Ms. Pennyworth had said.
Unbelievable, incredible, amazing they'd said and how could he not be affected by it. How could anyone, he mused, and that was what drove him to say yes. Had he said no, the words would have ended and Mark didn't want them to end.
It wasn't ego or perhaps it was and that too was odd. His ego could have easily been dashed with only a snicker or smile given the wrong way but that hadn't happened. Those smiles were genuine, sincere and so very warm. It was ego he decided and what a contradiction that was given he was male, had felt male and suddenly not by his own silent admission.
Was that what Julie recognized? Was that the reason for her encouragement to say yes and had she meant for him to say yes? Mark wasn't sure at first but after his yes he was. The women had become more animated, more amazed and that too changed him. He was somehow one of them, if not a girl, perhaps enough of a girl to be viewed as one. Another contradiction for a male that had spent his entire life learning how to be everything but a girl.
"I don't know about anyone else, but I am dying to see him in that dress," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"Right, good heavens, the dress," Susan said sounding as if she'd forgotten about it. Hazel was clearly relieved and so too Carol. They all started moving towards him at once and Mark took a step back. There was no way he was going to change in front of these women.
Thankfully Julie sensed Mark's sudden tension and said, "why don't I take these things and put him into them while you guys put some coffee on."
There was a reluctance on their faces but it made sense as women handed Mark the bags as Hazel handed Julie the dress and slip. Mark saw the panties then. Those panties had been in her hand holding the slip and Mark blushed. Not so much over the panties but the eyes following those ruffles that would soon be on him as Julie took hold of those last.
"Ready," Julie said looking at Mark.
"I guess so," Mark said.
They were in his room, that girl's room with the dress and slip hanging now on Mark's closet door. The panties laid flat on the bed and the bags on the floor. Julie worked from the bags first and Mark had a brand new pair of black patent strapped shoes. Mary Jane shoes that little girls wore and in that box a pair of socks to match the dress. A gathering of organdy edged in a delicate lace surrounding the white cotton.
Another box, half again the size of the shoe box and in that two large hair bows with clips. Those too were designed for the dress as Julie left them in the box she placed on his dresser. The slip hung over the dress and caught Mark's eyes. It was so girlish that slip if a slip could ever be boyish.
"You're going to need a diaper with those panties honey," Julie said as she moved for the closet and bag of diapers. She'd taken one of the night time diapers again catching Mark's attention. He realized then how damp he was and cursed his inability to control that part of his response to these stimulus. Was it the same for all boys?
Was it similar to what a girl felt? Mark didn't think a girl might be sexually turned on with clothes but wasn't sure as he asked, "Julie, do girls get turned on over just their clothes?"
"Of course, why," Julie asked.
"Just wondering," Mark said.
"Wet again," Julie asked.
"I refuse to answer that," Mark said.
"Just did. Besides, I'll know the instant I start to pull your panties down," Julie said smiling and added, "actually, that's a good thing."
"A good thing? Needing a damn diaper because panties make me wet is a good thing," Mark asked in frustration.
"No, getting excited over those panties is a good thing," Julie said and added, "and before you start huffing and puffing that this sort of thing isn't a turn on, don't. It is and you know it. You know it, I know it and a whole lot of boys, just as smart as you, know it."
"As smart? Why does that make me smarter," Mark asked trying to decide what she meant before she explained it.
"You're kidding right? Honey, you now know what every guy has wondered about and only a few, those few as smart as you, know first hand. Good heavens, panties feel wonderful against the skin and anyone saying it doesn't lies," Julie said.
"Then why don't more guys do this," Mark asked.
"Who says they don't," Julie answered as she started to lay the diaper she held out flat.
"Only a handful of guys do this," Mark said.
"Wrong! Only a hand full of guys admit to doing this," Julie said.
"If that's true, then why isn't it more common," Mark asked.
"That's easy. For at least two thousand years societies have spent a great deal of energy keeping the sexes separated. The best way to do that is dress them differently. Girls get the frills, the dainties, if you will, and guys the course, harsh and rough. Keeps you focused on being guys," Julie said.
"We have to, we're the hunters and gatherers," Mark said.
"Bunk! You think you're tougher but the fact is your not. Bigger, stronger perhaps but not nearly as tough as a girl," Julie said.
"For example," Mark asked suddenly wanting to defend himself.
"For example, try strapping sixteen pounds of baby and placenta around your waist for the next nine months. Try giving birth, or imagine, for the rest of your child bearing years, slapping a thick pad between your legs for a few days each month. Trust me honey, we're superior but we don't admit it because it allows us to wear the frills and dainties," Julie said laughing.
"Except for the guys wearing those frills and dainties," Mark said as he watched Julie fixing his diaper on the bed as he added, "and diapers."
"Exactly right! That's why you guys are smarter than the others. You've figured it out, they haven't. They still wear cotton with seams riding over their penises while you get to wear something silky. Now which of that group of guys is the smartest," Julie said.
"Hadn't thought about it that way before," Mark said as he wondered how to market these notions and concepts.
"Well, it would seem to me that you have but you haven't realized it yet," Julie said as she moved to Mark to help him with his dress.
"How's that," Mark asked.
"Wet panties honey! Thought that would be obvious by now," Julie said as she unbuttoned Mark's dress from behind.
"So I like it," Mark asked.
"You tell me precious. You tell me that you don't want auntie putting you into panties any more or that you hate auntie powdering you before she tapes you into a diaper," Julie said.
"OK, OK, stop already," Mark said smiling as he tried fighting against those words.
"I rest my case," Julie said guiding Mark's dress off. His slip followed and those panties gave Julie a snicker as she added, "exhibit a."
"Fine, have your laugh," Mark said.
"Actually, I think it's wonderful. Trust me, if you didn't react I'd check your pulse first," Julie said.
"So it's normal," Mark asked hoping for a yes.
"It's why you will likely spend most of your time in diapers honey. Now step out of those panties and go lay over your diaper," Julie said. She had a way of bringing him up and down as easily as a yoyo. Although Mark's reaction to his diaper was just as powerful as the panties and that was more unnerving as he sat first, laid back and spreading his legs.
Mark's ease was becoming apparent Julie noted as she twisted the baby powder open. He was slipping into this faster than she had anticipated and wondered how far he would be by the end of this weekend. She spent a great deal more time powdering him that she had to.
"Now lets see what my sissy baby looks like in these sweet ruffled panties," Julie said in a teasing voice as she took up those panties he'd be wearing with his dress. Pink satin lined in white plastic with five rows of ruffles across the bottom. A satin bow in a slightly darker shade of pink had been sewn between the second and third row of lace.
Julie eased his panties over the thick night time diaper and had Mark stand as she sat fussing immediately around the waist and legs. It wasn't necessary other than for the touch and to more or less train Mark around the process of regression. Nurturing, besides the clothes, required a lot of intimate touching.
Julie took Mark's bra off causing him to ask why until she noted that he was dressing too young to wear a bra, training bra notwithstanding. She made a point of that again when she eased the slip over his head and then spent a moment caressing his chest lightly. The slip was two layers with the inside layer a silky lining that allowed the taffeta over it to move independent of the one against his chest.
His slip, designed like a toddler's slip, fell far short of his ruffled panties with the petticoats beginning well above his waist. It wasn't meant to adjust with wider straps resting on his shoulders while the petticoats actually touched just at his wrist. He was estimating that at least two rows of ruffles on his panties would show. He was hoping his dress was longer.
It wasn't longer, that dress. Hazel had designed the dress in a pink satin. Mark knew enough now to know it was slipper satin and popular for wedding and special occation dresses. It was clearly designed for a little girl no older than five and perhaps younger given the amount of waist before the skirt flared. It took a bit more effort to go over Mark's head and rustled loudly.
There was an overskirt of organdy hemmed in a rounded bead at the bottom but shaped into scallops around the satin skirt. The puffy sleeves were banded in satin but done in two layers of a stiffer organdy. If you were going to dress a toddler girl for something special this was the dress. If you wanted to humiliate a young man this was also the dress as Mark felt Julie closing the buttons.
The sash, a neatly hemmed layer of organdy hung twice as long as the dress and that meant the bow Julie was creating at the back had to be big enough to fit almost all the way across the back. Both the satiny organdy and skirt of satin shimmered under the light of his bed room. He had at least four layers covering him not counting the panties and diaper.
"Go ahead and sit and lets see if your little girl shoes fit," Julie said.
"Mary Janes," Mark said.
"Right, your little girlish Mary Jane shoes," Julie said correcting herself.
"That's why they call those," Mark said.
"I know," Julie noted as she added, "very little girlish. Perfect for a dress like this."
When Mark sat for those shoes his dress just touched the bed leaving it clear that it hung no further than his slip which left his panties exposed. The thought of walking out of that room to show off what he was wearing left his mouth growing dry. There were four women out there and he was wearing a diaper besides.
"How does it feel on," Julie asked as she placed he hands at Mark's waist to move the dress over his slip.
"Seems to fit," Mark said hoping that was what Julie was asking.
"Oh, I think it's a perfect fit," Julie said in a odd tone. It left him thinking she'd meant something else besides just fitting.
"Perfect fit for a sissy, right," Mark asked.
"Exactly," Julie said and added, "if this doesn't get you attention when you post your pictures, nothing will."
Julie adding that last part made the first part sting less but it didn't lesson how odd he felt after he stood. Mark couldn't see his shoes nor the ruffled lace socks without bending and if he bent he's show every row of ruffles. Not cool at all.
"Can we just have Ms. Pennyworth come in and see this," Mark said knowing how impractical that sounded.
"Honey, you're going to have your picture taken in this outfit so those other women seeing you like this is going to happen, like it or not. Besides, Hazel is going to want a closer look if I know seamstresses. This isn't so much a dress as a creation to her and like it or not she sees you the same way she sees a little girl," Julie said.
"How can you say that? You don't know that," Mark said.
"Of course I can. Honey, just look at this dress. It's the same dress your company sells and clearly it's designed for a little girl's look. Precious, you are a little girl in Hazel's eyes and someone young enough to be in diapers still given those ruffled panties," Julie said and added, "although I could ask."
"Don't you dare," Mark said as Julie picked up one of the hair bows. It was clipped on before Julie undid the ribbon it replaced and she did the same with the second. Huge hair bows Mark realized as both settled on either side of his head. He had to look silly and was sure this would bring on a good belly laugh.
"When you go out there keep your arms at an angle and flair your hands slightly," Julie said.
"Like some sissy," Mark asked sarcastically. That pose would surely make them laugh.
"No, like a little princess showing off. It's a pretty bell shape and if you keep your arms at your side you are going to crush the skirts and slips in. It's why little girls, big girls for that matter, pose like sissies," Julie noted and added, "now you can go out there as Cindy Sue or as some sissy boy. You're choice. As for me, I like the idea of you going out there as Cindy Sue."
"They're going to laugh either way," Mark said.
"Want to bet," Julie asked.
"Absolutely," Mark said and added, "how much?"
"If you go out there as Cindy Sue and give them a chance to realize it. I'll bet they don't laugh. As for how much? How about you get to leave this house in pants if they laugh. If they don't you leave here wearing this dress," Julie said.
"Not on your life," Mark said.
"Didn't think you'd want to bet. Fact is I know for a fact that they already see you as a representative and not just some guy trying to look sissy," Julie said.
"No they don't," Mark said.
"Then bet me," Julie said.
"Fine," Mark said and added, "you're on. If just one of them laughs, even snickers, I get to wear guy clothes out of here. If they don't laugh I'll suffer the humiliation of driving to that studio like this."
"You are on Cindy Sue, now hold your arms out and lets go see what they see," Julie said.
"Fine," Mark said flaring his arms so they sat just above and matched the flair of his dress. It was a sure bet, Mark mused as Julie walked the four feet to the door. Mark took that opportunity to see himself in the mirror and almost gasped. If he stood no more than three feet tall he'd be every bit the little girl he was dressed as. Another gasp came over the size of his bottom that pushed the ruffles out too far.
"Here we go Cindy Sue," Julie said and added in a slightly louder voice, "she's ready."
Mark walked those few feet to pass the door and then out. Mark forgot he'd have to walk down those steps he'd walked up. It would give those women a clear view of his panties like it or not. He wasn't sure that was what they were looking at but that was his guess as he came into view.
The silence was palpable. His heart rate, climbing before this, went a few beats faster. Not even a snicker he realized and as he did so the bet came back to him as he wished in silence, 'please laugh'.
"This is truly remarkable. I mean it, it's amazing," Ms. Pennyworth said as she allowed the smile forming on her lips to grow fully.
"You are so precious," Susan said after a long silent pause.
"She very pretty," Hazel said suddenly shifting genders and Mark noticed.
"She is adorable," Carol noted and added, "no, she is absolutely adorable."
"Ladies, may I introduce you to Cindy Sue," Julie said as she reached the bottom of the steps first and turning with an arm out. She had extended her hand for Marks as he reached the last three steps.
"Hello Cindy Sue, I'm am so very glad to meet you," Ms. Pennyworth said coming over to Mark and extending her hand to shake his.
"She perfect," Hazel said bending down so her head was level with the hem of his dress.
"She really is, Hazel," Carol said as she too moved to get a different view. The girls were closing in on Mark and still no one laughed. No one even snickered and Mark prayed someone would break and laugh.
"Ladies, give me a minute to gather up what Cindy Sue was wearing, so she's got something to change back into for the restaurant, and then we can go. Cindy Sue has agreed to drive over dressed," Julie said.
"You're kidding right," Ms. Pennyworth asked.
"Absolutely not," Julie said and added in a voice that sounded more like a warning, "isn't that right honey?"
"Yes," Mark said in agony.
"Well I'll be darned," Susan said.
"You go girl," Carol said.
"Got to move bow down," Hazel said from behind Mark. It was that dream almost exactly Mark mused. Only they hadn't lifted his skirt. At least not yet, and Mark wasn't at all comfortable with Hazel behind him.
"Doesn't show," Carol asked joining Hazel at the backside of Mark.
"Just ribbons," Hazel said then suddenly Mark felt the back side of his dress go up as Hazel added, "down one row."
"Agreed," Carol said. Mark wasn't sure which of them was holding his skirt and slips up but Susan joined them before he felt someone fluffing his dress back down. As much good as that did and why had he been so gullible as to bet with Julie.
"More girl than I was," Susan said patting mark's hand. He was still holding them out at an angle.
"As much girl as most of the girls we sell to," Carol said.
"I'm thinking we name our first line the 'Cindy Sue' line in her honor," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"Prefect," Susan said.
"I make more slips with next one," Hazel said as she touched Mark's dress again. She didn't lift it this time but she was holding the scalloped overskirt.
"I would like to see a couple of more layers for this one as well and perhaps a bonnet," Susan said.
"I hadn't thought about a bonnet. Yes, definitely a bonnet for this dress," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"A bonnet? Is there a bonnet," Julie asked coming down the steps with Mark's dress and slip on a hanger. She had a bag in her hand not big enough to hide the two diapers it held. Mark saw the women looking at that bag and Cindy smiled when their eyes met.
"No, we were just saying that a bonnet would be perfect," Susan said.
"Sun bonnet or baby bonnet," Carol asked.
"Why not both," Susan noted.
"Agreed," Julie also noted as she added, "I'm ready. You ready Cindy Sue?"
"No," Mark said.
"You wet honey," Julie asked ignoring the real reason Mark said no.
Mark's look had daggers attached as he said 'no' through clenched teeth.
"Cindy Sue, you ride with me," Ms. Pennyworth said as she took Mark's hand.
This was outrageous, Mark mused, as the door opened. It was Sunday, broad daylight and he was dressed like a toddler girl... diapered no less and that was obvious. He was no toddler and that too was obvious. His only hope was that he truly did pass as a girl. People thinking of him as a boy was too much to consider. He was insane, he mused as he stepped out in the sunlight.
Thankfully Ms. Pennyworth's car was right behind Julie's with three others blocking the way. Mark hurried to the passenger side and quickly opened the unlocked door.
Ms. Pennyworth had let go of Mark's hand to chirp the locks open, but noticed immediately how Mark entered. Mark sat, turned his torso slight and brought his legs in together. He fussed with his dress after his belt and sat with his hands folded.
"Mark, you are amazing me to no end," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"I'm amazing myself more," Mark said wishing his dress long enough to at least meet his legs at the knees. As it was his skirt stopped short halfway, and if he dare relax his legs even a tiny bit anyone in a car higher than theirs would get an eye full. It was the seat belt that was crushing the dress enough to make it flair.
Ms. Pennyworth was having trouble focusing as she stole quick glances at the boy sitting next to her. It wasn't so much what he wore, and he was adorable, but how easily he wore it. He seemed so at ease, so settled in that she almost asked if he'd done this before.
"So how is the marketing going," Ms. Pennyworth asked giving her a reason to turn and look more often.
"We're working on the profiles right now and some of the questions I might ask when I start going on line," Mark said trying to decide if that was true or not. Mark wasn't completely convinced that everything he'd done so far was everything he had to do to define a market. So much of this was getting very personal and extremely intimate in many ways.
"So you've talked to some of the already," Ms. Pennyworth asked.
"No, not yet. It's mostly just been an exercise on how some of them feel when they are doing this and what might appeal to them," Mark said and then realized how that might sound since he hadn't talked with anyone yet. How could he know what they feel or what could appeal to them. Everything Mark now knew was first hand.
An SUV matched their speed for a time but Mark avoided the drivers look after his first glance. Two children in the back seat were both pressing their faces to their window to watch Mark. Another SUV, although not as big, did the same. A pick-up truck, delivery truck and heaven knows how many after a while paused to look. They were pausing some of them and that was unnerving.
"Where is this studio," Mark asked.
"Two more blocks," Ms. Pennyworth said as she slowed for a right turn. She was the second car waiting at that light putting Mark directly across and only a few feet from a bus stop. A nearly full bus stop it seemed as people began to take notice of him. A woman smiled and Mark smiled back, then blushed before looking straight ahead.
Ms. Pennyworth caught the exchange and watched as Mark tugged at this skirt to try and lengthen it more. A cute gesture made even cuter with his knees together. Mark was adorable and clearly passable although a bit too big for a toddler's dress. Trouble was Helen had already decided on a couple more baby or toddler dresses before stepping his look up by a few years.
"And we are here," Ms. Pennyworth said as she turned into a parking garage. The young girl in the booth smiled as she turned around. Another car was leaving and had just paid as the automatic parking dispenser spit a ticket out. The girl bent at the waist, smiled and gave a light wave clearly meant for Mark till the look changed slightly. Thankfully the gate blocking their entrance in rose just then.
All four cars were behind them as they slowly moved into the depths of the garage. Ms. Pennyworth easily found a spot given it was Sunday and the other four followed in the same row one after the other. They were a hundred feet from the core holding the steps and elevators as Ms. Pennyworth opened her door. Mark followed smiling at Susan who nodded happily as Mark got out. Again he kept his knees together and this time Susan caught it and noticed.
Heels on concrete echoed in that cavernous space and Mark could pick out his own shoes clicking loudly with each step. He was surrounded by the five women with Julie and Helen behind him. He didn't see the looks being exchanged nor their smiles. The elevator, thankfully, was at the bottom opening an instant after hitting the button.
Baby powder and perfume mixed quickly as Mark, the first one in, found himself securely covered by two rows of women. The ride was short as the button with ten lit up with a ding. There was a pause before the doors opened then a hallway before them and Mark was last. He was last but the women had parted three and two for his exit. Protective it seemed as he imagined them waiting for the little girl.
Flash Bang Films, Video and Photography was written in large gold letters on a set of double doors as Susan led the way. She opened the door but held it for the rest and the rest waited for Mark to enter first. A buzzer off in the distance sounded and a second later two more women joined the group now forming in the office area.
"Wow, if I knew there was going to be a party, I would have gotten chips," Terry said.
"Hi Terry," Carol said as she moved forward to take her hand. Tracy smiled looking at the group as Carol added, "you remember Susan, my boss, Ms. "Pennyworth and of course Hazel. This is Julie Pennyworth, Ms. Pennyworth's sister and Cindy Sue."
"I was led to believe we would be shooting a guy today," Terry said before she added, "this is Barbie my partner."
"Cindy Sue is also, or was Mark McLuhan," Carol said.
"Is," Mark noted but not loud enough for anyone but Julie to hear.
"What a cute name! Suits you Mark. So which would you prefer? Cindy Sue, Cindy or Mark," Terry asked.
"We are working on his profile and persona so it might be better to stay with Cindy Sue," Julie said jumping in before Mark could answer.
"Cindy Sue it is then. OK, so I was told we'd be doing the toddler look first and she's definitely dressed as toddler which means we'll do Studio A for now. I keep most of the baby props in that one. Is that her only dress," Terry asked.
"Yes, Hazel just finished it last night," Carol said.
"Adorable. Hazel you are truly amazing," Terry said.
"Thank you," Hazel said beaming.
"Terry, I would like a group shot as well," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"Not a problem. Barbie, why don't you go ahead and set up chairs for the ladies and I'll take them into 'B' and do the group first," Terry said as she added, "ladies, Cindy Sue, it's next door."
The group and Mark feeling flush over their reference as she and as Cindy Sue walked past the first partition to another large area. Terry went towards the wall and took up a stool that she carried to the center in front of a rack that held rolls. She tugged on a roll and a backdrop fell in muted lavenders and pinks till it was long enough to reach the floor.
"Lets see... Why don't we have Cindy Sue sitting with the Pennyworths behind and on either side, then Hazel on the left, Susan and Carol on the right," Terry said sitting the chair center of the backdrop as she added, "Cindy Sue, you can sit here honey."
"Turn to the left honey," Terry said after Mark sat. He turned as Terry fused with his dress fluffing it some before she turned for a camera on a tripod. The women were moving into position as Terry flipped something and began looking through the camera.
"Honey, lay your left hand flat on your skirt and put the other on top also flat," Terry said and added, "Julie... is it Julie?"
"Yes," Julie said.
"Julie, can you move to your left just a little and Hazel move back about an inch," Terry said as she moved to change the position of a light she clicked on. Terry moved back to the camera and then back to the light before moving to turn two more on. The room was brightly lit as Terry, in silence moved between the camera and lights. She held a meter in front of Mark for a second.
"Lovely. That's perfect. OK, take a breath and say Cindy Sue," Terry said as she pushed on a button she held in her hand. The lights, synchronized to the camera, flashed as she added, "take a breath and hold it."
"And one of me," Ms. Pennyworth said and added, "with Cindy Sue that is."
"Got it. OK ladies if you'll step back behind me and the camera," Terry said as she moved to Ms. Pennyworth. She had Helen place her hand on Mark's shoulder then moved back to the camera as she added, "smile precious."
Mark smiled as the camera went off with the lights.
"Great. Any more shots Ms. Pennyworth," Terry asked.
"Get one of my sister and Cindy Sue as well," Helen said.
"Julie, would you like to trade places with your sister," Terry asked.
"Definitely," Julie said and her tone wasn't missed by her sister or Mark as Julie moved towards him.
Julie, like her sister put her hand on Mark's shoulder but unlike her sister a finger moved against Mark's neck. That small gesture was tantalizing, warm, comforting suddenly and Mark smiled slightly.
As nervous as he was this was drawing him in. Seven women surrounding him now and not one laughing yet. He was the center of their attention making it all the more remarkable and of course the satin under his hands, the chiffon against his legs, the diaper between them. All of it was wrapping around him just then.
Was he one of those guys? He knew, deep down, in those moments that Terry took to fuss with the lights, that he could be. Perhaps not born to this, but at least finding himself drawn to it. He'd have to ask Julie if that was possible. He was hoping it was possible in a way. Drawn to it would make it less... less permanent and him less dependent on this.
"OK, you two, I'm ready," Terry said moving behind the camera again.
Mark sat straight up, Julie's hand shifted to rest again on Mark's Shoulder as Terry said, "Hold that." Terry took a quick series of shoots and another ten minutes when Susan and Carol wanted pictures of Mark and them as well. That session ended and the one they'd gone there for began.
Mark learned the word coquettish as Terry directed his poses. Cute, almost amorous, but without any serious intentions, a tease for the women as they watched Barbie help Mark pose while Terry took the pictures. Those adorable Mary Jane shoes with his toes turned in slightly, his finger just at the edge of his mouth looking so shy.
Another one of him from behind with his head turned towards them slightly and the one on the baby blanket. That one the one on his stomach laying away from the camera caught most of them by surprise. It was really the first time you could seriously see that Mark was diapered and covered in ruffles.
Ms. Pennyworth looked at Hazel and gestured with a thumbs up, giving Hazel cause to smile again over her creation.
"Definitely more lace and ruffles on the next one and lets add another pair of those panties with the next dress so he's got to wear a diaper again," Ms. Pennyworth said casually, quietly as Mark posed.
Hazel nodded her understanding. If Hazel had her way, she mused, Mark would never grow up past the age of two or so. At least not in the manner of his clothes. It was the pose with Mark surrounded by very large stuffed animals that tugged at the hearts of everyone. A giant Panda, a very large pink bear and Mark sitting between them gave a scale that made you think toddler.
The last few pictures were posses designed to appear as if Mark was in a pageant and another with Mark sitting demurely as if in a library. Two mock book cases were behind him and he in a chair as Terry moved about shooting. One of those, Ms. Pennyworth decided, would be used for the new oil painting she would commission for the board room.
"Unless you have anything in mind, I'm done," Terry said finally but directing it to Ms. Pennyworth.
"Ladies, everyone here satisfied," Ms. Pennyworth asked of her staff.
"Definitely," each said almost at the same time. Ms. Pennyworth smiled at the double meaning she took from their answers.
It had been nearly two hours Mark guessed. He'd fought for control of himself through most of it and lost for most of it. They'd taken a break midway for tea and talk on the plan. Hazel promised another dress within a couple of days.
Julie, perhaps the only one, realized Mark was fidgeting slightly towards the end. She pondered over it, realizing a bit later, that it had also stopped. Mark would need to be changed she mused.
Two hours had passed but for Mark it only seemed like minutes and he was surprised to discover a twinge of disappointment when Julie walked off to help him change after Terry announced that she was done. They were going to brunch and oddly enough that didn't bother Mark nearly as much as he thought it should. Getting his diaper changed out for those panties didn't bother him at all as Julie helped him out of his dress and slip.
"Quite an ordeal isn't it," Julie asked as she and Mark walked off for the changing room and privacy. Julie was the envy of several women in those seconds it took for her and Mark to disappear.
"Is and isn't," Mark said as they reached the room. It was the first time Mark didn't have a half dozen eyes on him. Mark felt elated, somehow free as if he'd been unchained. He almost wanted to skip walking to the changing room and added, "wild."
"Wild," Julie repeated.
"Wild as in a complete lack of restraint or control," Mark said and added, "I feel like a puppy suddenly free of his leash."
"That is wild," Julie said as she moved behind to undo the bow of his sash and unbutton his dress as she added, "now explain that to me."
"Not sure I can explain this. I think, somewhere in the middle of those pictures, I got to realizing that I was totally and completely free," Mark said, smiled and added, "weird because I'm wearing a dress and under it a diaper and instead of feeling some sort of restrain or constraint, which I would guess would be natural for a guy, I felt free. Perhaps free isn't the right word. How about detached?"
"Detached is an interesting word," Julie said fascinated at Mark's admission. She had the dress unbuttoned and with the slip straps moved off the shoulders both the dress and slip slid to the floor.
"It wasn't me per se, but someone else perhaps. Me I suppose but it felt sort of like an out of body experience. Detached in a way so one part of me felt odd still but another part felt wonderful," Mark said.
"Amazing," Julie said.
"Does that make sense," Mark asked.
"Absolutely Mark," Julie said as she lifted the slip and dress from the floor to hang both. It left Mark standing there in his ruffled panties and diaper.
"Amazing? So that makes sense then," Mark asked.
"It does," Julie said as she noted, "takes some men a long time to reach those feelings. You've done it in just a couple of days."
"What feelings," Mark asked watching with some amount of disappointment his dress going on a hanger.
"Transformation sounds so simple and on the surface I suppose it appears to be, but it's not. This simple act of changing appearance, this feminization if you will is external, but you, like most doing this, have actually internalize it. It's not too unlike an actor's portrayal in a way, but not, because most good actors are capable of that disassociation of their own mental foundations or persona for another, "Julie said reaching for the panties mark would wear but changing suddenly for a diaper.
"Disassociation," Mark asked not missing that subtle change.
What I mean is that once, long ago you were caught in state in which some integrated part of your life had to be separated from the rest of it. That was when your aunt painted your nails. It wasn't normal then and hasn't been since part of you. You separated it from the rest of the personality and it's been functioning independently ever since," Julie said.
"You mean buried," Mark said.
"No, never buried. More like shelved. Every once in a while something might happen to remind you of that day and you remember. What's been happening here is a lot of things 'similar' and those things are bringing that memory back. Reintegrating it, if you will, but now into something more palatable, more... acceptable in a way," Julie noted as she brought the diaper from the bag.
"More acceptable," Mark asked.
"Sure. What you are doing isn't your fault or of your choosing. OK, you agreed to do this but you didn't initiate it. You can disassociate yourself through that re-channeling of blame. By doing that it allows you now to reintegrated that day you found so scary but so fascinating to something more pleasant," Julie said laying the diaper down on the table as she reached for the baby powder.
"So there was a trauma that might not really be the trauma that I thought it was," Mark asked.
"Perhaps but it could also have never been the trauma you thought it was. You may very well have liked it but, because of guilt, you built the trauma around it. Like a boy that gets to see a girl's underpants and is fascinated by them and that fascination makes him guilty," Julie said as she picked up the baby powder.
"Like now," Mark said.
"Not sure what you mean," Julie said.
"I thought I was going to wear panties under my dress for the restaurant," Mark asked looking at the diaper and adding, "except I'm torn between the desire for those panties and that diaper. Why is that?"
"You can but let me ask you this first. Are you wet," Julie asked.
"Yes. Yes, but I couldn't help it. I mean I was in the middle of a pose when the urge hit," Mark said blushing a little.
"And were you not enjoying it you could have easily stopped the shooting to go potty, only you didn't," Julie said and added, "and why was that?"
"I don't know," Mark said.
"Actually you do. You were transformed, feminized and regressed and that regression was why you wet your diaper," Julie said.
"How so," Mark asked.
"Once you were transformed and feminized you found yourself enjoying the role of that little girl as Terry took your pictures. Right," Julie asked.
"Some. OK, yes," Mark said.
"Same with the diaper. That diaper allowed you to regress and since you found that state just as pleasant as your feminization, you acted on it," Julie said.
"You're saying I felt like a baby so I acted like a baby? I'm not sure I find that thought comforting," Mark said.
"Yet you find yourself now torn between the pleasure of those panties and the freedom of this diaper between your legs," Julie noted.
"Freedom? Hardly free being pinned into a diaper," Mark noted.
"But you are free. Like that dress and the reasons it freed the male you for the female you, that diaper also frees you from the adult you for the baby you," Julie said and added, and who doesn't, at times, want to be free of the adult. That's the very nature or core of regressing."
"Amazing," Mark said and added, "so now I'm torn between panties and a diaper and no thought of wearing guys underpants."
"It is amazing and why so many guys do this," Julie said before adding, "and if we don't shut up and get you dressed, they are going to begin wondering what happened to us."
"Right. So which is it? Diaper or panties," Mark asked more of himself than of Julie.
"Or both, again. Why not let me diaper you for the sake of the restaurant and your convenience, and I'll add those ruffled panties you're wearing," Julie said.
"Done," Mark said as he watched Julie lay out the changing pad she'd added to the diaper bag. A second later she was undoing the tapes of his diaper after she tugged his ruffle panties down far enough. Mark stepped out of the panties and Julie tugged his wet diaper free.
Mark couldn't believe he wet himself then couldn't imagine it otherwise as Julie kneeled to the changing pad to wait for Mark. Mark, naked and oddly comfortable in that state knelt, twisted and laid back over the diaper Julie opened. A couple of baby wipes cleaned him with a generous amount of baby powder that soothed him.
He was being regressed he realized as he opened his legs wider for the diaper Julie was tugging between them. He felt a lot more as the softness of the diaper eased over him once again and once again, involuntarily, the act of diaper was both a mental and physical process. Highly erotic and yet he could feel himself regressing as well. Imagining guys or even girls doing this wasn't nearly as hard now as it had been as Julie tapped his diaper closed around him.
He stood this time for the panties and those panties were just as wonderful coming up his legs as before. The dress and slip he was going to wear not nearly as frilly was as pretty as Julie helped him into each. He was also going to miss his Mary Jane shoes and lace socks as those were traded for his big girl shoes.
Mark smiled at the thought that he was making sacrifices so he could function in the real world, realizing he wasn't anywhere near the real world as Julie fused with his hair bows for the ribbons.
The restaurant was crowded but their table had been made ready for them as the group of women and one girl walked in single file past the other tables. Mark, trying to act casual, wasn't, yet his fear not nearly as overwhelming as it might have been. That fear was there but so was the thrill of this and that was winning.
Menus were handed out and a bus boy poured waters as they all settled in. Mark took a chance to look at the bus boys eyes and met them looking away quickly. There were glances from others surrounding them and Mark was sure that a few were directed at him but again there was this emotional mix. Fear and delight with delight winning as he tried to concentrate on what to order.
The hour passed quickly, too quickly for Mark as he sat his fork on his plate for that bus boy to take. They had talked about the images and everyone would get back to Terry on which they liked. Each of them had computer prints in envelops to review and decide on. Mark couldn't wait to look at the proofs he and Julie would take back to their place.
Ms. Pennyworth singed the slip for their meal and was the first to stand allowing everyone else a chance to do the same. The restaurant was turning tables fairly quickly and a new batch of people watched a young girl with that group of women exit. This time Mark had very little fear to weigh against the pleasure of that walk.
Mark was hugged one by one as they gathered in the parking lot to part for their own separate ways. Mark would drive with Julie home and got a long hug from Ms. Pennyworth before she kissed his cheek. That was surprising as well since his view of her had changed so dramatically in those past couple of days. Not so much a boss now as a favored aunt suddenly.
"What's the agenda for this afternoon," Mark asked happily as he and Julie moved into Sunday traffic.
"How about a little window shopping before we rush back. You could use a purse," Julie noted.
"OK," Mark said elated over the fact they were going to stay out for a bit more.
It wasn't a huge mall and not seriously crowded but crowded enough Mark noted as they pushed their way through the doors. Mark noticed that when he was nervous he stiffened slightly and his movements got less natural. He tried relaxing because when his movements changed, the looks did as well.
They found themselves in a large department store standing where the purses were but in the girl's section. Care Bears, Powder Puff Girls, Hello Kitty and Disney's Princesses were scattered among Levi and designer names. Julie noted that the character bags were pre-teen and designer for teens with the women's bags at the end of their choices.
Finding a purse he liked took longer than he'd realized delighting Julie to no end. He settled on a white bag but talked Julie into a Hello Kitty in pink as well. One for the little girl and another for the teen he reasoned. Julie, as delighted as she could be, allowed him to get both.
It was nearly three hours before Julie insisted they go. Her feet were sore she insisted as they headed out for their car. Mark might have stayed till they closed if she'd allowed it. She decided that the next time they shopped he'd wear panties because she was certain his willingness to stay was due in part to his diaper.
"I can't believe this," Mark said as he looked back at the packages. Mark had two new purses, makeup of his own, a package of panties in pastels and a Barbie nightgown that had been hanging on the end of a rack they passed. He also had some bubble bath that he liked the smell of and a doll after Julie talked him into one for the little girl.
"Fun isn't it," Julie asked.
"Definitely," Mark said.
"Why," Julie asked.
"Why," Mark asked back.
"Why was it fun and not terrorizing as before," Julie asked.
"Because I was a girl shopping for girl stuff," Mark said without qualifying his statement. He realized what he'd said and changed it a little to "I mean, as a girl."
"Pretty cool doing this isn't it," Julie said not missing that bit of Freudian slip Mark made. He said he was a girl and not as a girl and Julie smiled proudly, motherly as she nodded.
"Way cool," Mark noted.
"Make sure you jot down your thoughts for your journal when we get home," Julie said.
"I will," Mark said happily as they drove through traffic. Mark wanted to wave at the people taking occasional glances at him but didn't dare as he added, "after my bubble bath."
And he did...
Mark had taken his bubble bath was diapered again for bed this time and wet again which confirmed what Julie had suspected in the mall, before he wore his new Barbie nightgown. This time Mark spent almost two full hours writing in his journal and the differences between his first entry and this was striking.
Julie was sipping tea as she read and re-read his entry. Mark, meanwhile, had exhausted himself and was fast asleep with only a quarter of his baby bottle empty before doing so. His new doll still clutched in his arms when Julie went in to check on him and put his bottle on the nightstand. He was adorable looking laying there, Julie mused.
Mark's nightgown had ridden up a little showing off his ruffled panties surprising Julie since she hadn't added those when she diapered him. Besides the scene matching his calm, almost angelic face there was those ruffles he'd added. That addition, and the journal entry convinced her he was nearly there.
The orders, most with overnight or two day delivery were beginning to arrive at the house on Monday morning late. The first package held those multi-layered pre fold diapers with the next his flat and contoured diapers including his all in one with the white plastic pants designed as part of the diaper. The plastic pants came in the afternoon as Julie neatly arrayed all of the orders on the dinning room table.
His baby pants and she called them that on purpose were pink and semi clear and it was Julie's turn to look dismayed given she wasn't sure which to try on him first. Mark had ordered inserts and a dozen pair of those baby pants. There was twelve diapers, six pair of plain plastic panties, three pair of snap-on plastic panties and then three pair of pull-on baby pants in pink. His sissy baby pants, Julie noted again as she laid them on the table.
His truly sissy pants came later that evening when his baby girl rhumba panties in frilly lace and ruffles arrived. They had ordered a white nylon with white lace, another with pink lace and then a pair in pink nylon and white lace. Mark had almost all of the baby stuff with his favorite being the Care Bears in a soft pink. He had forgotten he'd ordered that pair with the gathering of lace around the legs.
"Which things would Cindy Sue like to try on first," Julie asked.
Mark deciding he liked the concept of his alter self choosing, but found it equally frustrating that he had to chose. Mark's float dress, designed to look identical to a baby's dress was hanging off a chair. It was a very babyish dress in pink and had a bonnet. The taffeta satin dress they ordered didn't arrive which wasn't all that bad since he had, what he considered the cuter of the two, already.
Julie had insisted he spend the better part of that day surfing the web for the links under searches like Adult Sissy Baby, Adult Little Girl and Adult Baby. There were literally thousands of entrees returned for each. Mark, after downloading the Google pages, began separating those links in folders separating the personal sites from the pay sights.
She had insisted he work on-line wearing his day diapers with a promise that if he was good she'd dress him as a baby girl before dinner. That statement had made Mark laugh given that she was going to dress him as a baby girl if he behaved. A few days ago, not even that, would have been horrifying, scary at the least and definitely punishment. Now it was to be his reward.
It was late afternoon when his concentration was interrupted by Julie's quiet entry into the office.
"Hi," Mark said yawning with a long stretch. He was still being amazed at the world he was viewing. Nearly two dozen links of individual sites with another half dozen forums previewed. A hundred names jotted down along with their connections for later. Each so very odd not too long ago, but no longer.
"I've laid Cindy Sue's things out," Julie said moving over to Mark to fuss momentarily with his two hair bows. A gentle notion of things yet to come as her fingers circled the edge of his ears.
"Cindy Sue's things," Mark repeated with a slight smile as he added, "my reward... right?"
"No, her reward," Julie said.
"Her reward," Mark asked looking at Julie.
"Her reward," Julie noted smiling back as she too hold of Mark's chin to add, "Cindy Sue is going to debut tonight."
"Debut? I don't follow," Mark said.
"Well, first of all this is going to be your first real regression," Julie said taking Mark's hand.
"My first? Julie, if you haven't noticed, I've been diapered almost constantly since I met you," Mark said smiling. It wasn't a complaint he noticed, as did she.
"That's right, but you have not truly been regressed. I want tonight to be a complete regression, start to finish. By the time I'm done with you, you'll know what it means to be regressed," Julie said.
"How does that work," Mark asked feeling a slight bit of excitement at the prospects.
"Senses, all of them and your brains ability to gather them together while I help you build a fantasy," Julie said and then added, "which means, from this point forward, we're going to simply enjoy the process and not talk about it."
"OK," Mark said.
"Then close your eyes and keep them closed till I tell you to open them," Julie said.
"Fine," Mark said.
"And no more talking," Julie said as she touched Mark's hand before slipping hers around it.
Mark allowed himself to be tugged to stand, then with Julie's guidance he walked clear of the office and into the hall. He could smell the perfume as he reached the bathroom. It was a strong baby powder scent and wonderful as he felt the warm moist air touch his face. Julie stopped him and began with his ribbons.
Mark felt the ribbons being untied, then the buttons coming undone on his dress. His dress went, then his slip before he both heard and felt the tapes of his diaper coming free. Again it was wet but not seriously as Julie peeled it off. His flats and socks followed and he was naked.
Mark wasn't sure at first what it was that touched his lips, but that lasted only for a second as he allowed the pacifier to slip between them. It made him want to smile but Julie, a second later said, "nurse it precious. Like a baby."
Mark nursed as Julie moved him to the bath tubs edge. She guided him over the tubs edge and held him till he was standing in the warm water. She continued holding his arm till he sat and only let go when he was fully submerged to his chin. Bubbles ticked his face as his body warmed to the bath water.
"Such a good little girl," Julie said as Mark felt the wash cloth touch his face first. It was extremely soft and Julie's motions slow and gentle as she scrubbed. The soap she was using also smelled of baby powder. That, Mark mused, was a remarkable smell without knowing why.
"Baby is going to be nice and clean for mommy," Julie said moving the wash cloth over his tummy to the far side and down along his hip. He could follow the movement of the wash cloth in his minds eye as Julie moved down his leg to his foot. She wasn't missing an inch of him he decided as the wash cloth worked to the other foot and back up the other leg.
"Relax precious and be the baby you want to be," Julie's voice said but softer and more soothing. Mark, already relaxed, relaxed even more when Julie spoke. It was difficult when the wash cloth reached his genitals but even then it wasn't nearly as extreme as it might have been. This wasn't foreplay Mark realized as Julie began scrubbing his left arm before the right.
"My precious little girl," Julie cooed softly as Mark felt the touch of something cold on top of his head. Shampoo he realized as Julie's hands worked the liquid soap into his scalp. That kneading and rubbing was promoting his sense of relaxation as she worked on his hair from the neck to his forehead. He was going to miss this bath time when it ended and it did right after she rinsed.
He stood in the tub itself as a large warm towel covered him from the back forward while Julie used another for his hair. She was drying his hair in large strands before she left it as a wrap to do his body. That large towel already taking up a lot of the moisture took up the rest with her motions.
Mark tried to comprehend this as out of the ordinary and couldn't. He wondered who, if anyone, would not want to be treated this way and again couldn't. This was heaven on Earth as far as he was concerned. More so when Julie's hands rested on his shoulders after his towels were removed.
She was using some kind of oil or cream on him and it had to be for a baby given the fresh baby powder scent again. His tongue was playing over the rubber nipple of the pacifier for most of this time and the only sense not in play his vision. He could live with that he mused happily as Julie worked both hands over his left arm before his right.
Julie rubbed his back, sides, front and brought him to erection with her attention to his genitals but that went away when she moved to his legs. Clearly that was natural he hoped as Julie's hands took turns moving easily between his legs for his inner thighs. He wondered if it glistened when if felt like she was done. Only she wasn't as the baby powder dust reached his nose.
He was being patted by a soft powder puff and, like the oil, Julie began with his shoulders and worked down. Mark wasn't sure how long his 'bath time' was taking but he was sure it was longer than it felt. If he was a baby right now, he'd be half asleep by the time Julie reached his lower legs.
"Diaper time precious," Julie whispered taking Mark's hand to guide him from the bathroom. Mark followed easily, happily and imagined himself a toddler walking to his room for his diaper or her room for her diaper he noted. Her room for her diaper he repeated to himself as he padded the few steps it took.
"Cindy Sue, I want you to sit first, then lay back and spread your legs for mommy. When I tell you to lift your bottom you be a good little girl and do so while mommy slips the diaper under you," Julie said as she guided Mark to the beds edge. Mark felt the bed touch his calf as Julie guided him to sit before he slid back enough to lay back.
"OK precious, lift your bottom for mommy," Julie said. Mark braced his hands flat and pushed himself up. He felt the diaper against this bottom as it slid and again along the back of his legs before Julie added, "OK honey lay back down and spread your legs. I want you to touch the bottom of your feet together so your legs are as far apart as they can be."
Mark's bottom was touching the diaper as he fixed his legs as wide as they would go. He was focused on that part of this when Julie tugged on his pacifier. Mark released it almost reluctantly but another nipple touched his lips and Mark tasted milk.
"Take your bottle baby girl," Julie said as she lightly giggled the bottle Mark had taken. Mark lifted both hands and grasped the bottle as instructed. The milk trickled down his throat till he pressed his tongue against the nipple causing it to flow faster. "That's my girl," Julie added.
Mark fully expected to feel the diaper but instead felt Julie's fingers and something slick again. It was a jell this time and only because it felt slippery as Julie moved from the "V" of his bottom to the base of his testicles. She was gentle but thorough massaging every inch of his genitals and the skin nearby. There was a pause before he felt the cool touch of baby powder and again he was massaged.
'Incredible, Mark mused to himself as he nursed the bottle while Julie powered him. If anyone had this done to them and said they didn't like it Mark could easily justify that as a lie. This was beyond anything he'd felt so far and he was slipping deeper into this trance or whatever it was.
When the diaper was tugged up he had never felt anything that soft cupping him. No towel he'd ever used was as soft as the fabric gathering between his legs. He wasn't sure how thick it was that diaper because Julie would not let him see it when it had arrived nor touch it after she folded that one aside. It was one of the contoured diapers, he was sure of that, and when it filled the space between his legs he was also sure there was a soaker as well.
The diaper moved around him as he imagined Julie taking the front edges to meet the back and that was confirmed when he felt the far side grow slightly more snug. She was pinning it close he realized as her fingers rested between the diaper and his hip. His diaper grew thicker suddenly and more snug as she fused with the side close to her. There were more moments of pure blissfulness when Julie continued fussing even after both sides were pinned closed.
"Cindy Sue likes her diaper. Cindy Sue is such a good little baby girl," Julie said moving her hand to gently rest on top of the thick cloth. Mark was sure now that he had a soaker under the diaper only because he could just feel Julie's fingers moving. Julie rubbed his tommy slightly then slid her fingers along the insides of his thighs before her touch ended.
Mark heard the crinkling of the baby pants as he caught a scent of that fresh plastic smell. Julie had obviously passed it near his nose before gathering them. His new shower curtain had smelled like that as the baby pants crinkled in Julie's hands. "Lift your feet for me sweetheart so mommy can put your baby pants on you," Julie said as Mark complied.
Mark felt the soft touch on the toes of both feet while they continued to softly rustle. Mark's legs were up but bent at the knees to take the pressure off holding them up as he felt the panties being worked along his legs. The act of raising his legs caused his diaper to loosen in front, grow taught in back and gather between them. His diaper was very thick he noticed as the panties slipped past his knees.
"My little girl is in her first cloth diaper and pink pair of baby pants and how precious she is beginning to look," Julie said before adding, "lift your little bottom honey."
Mark did as he was told, nursing his bottle. His sense of smell was overwhelmed since his bath and sense of touch was recording the diaper, the touch of his baby pants and the baby's bottle he held which was capturing his sense of taste. Fresh milk was constantly trickling down his throat each time he sucked on the soft rubber nipple.
Julie spent long moments on putting his baby pants on as he felt her fingers moved almost fully around the legs elastic before doing the same with his waist. The smell of that plastic was mixing now with the baby powder, oil and perfumed bath. The scents were being layered into this nearly overpowering blend that left no doubt it was meant for babies. No one Mark had ever known, except for a baby smelled like he was.
Mark wasn't wandering what was next because he had given up trying to imagine this for the feelings it was causing. He felt warm, secure, deeply relaxed and completely wrapped within a fantasy that he was far smaller than he was and not much older than two, if that. Mark's thoughts only shifted slightly when Julie asked him to raise his feet again.
Mark was sure he was being put into those ruffled panties they had ordered and those came with his baby dress. Satin edge in white gathered lace with matching lace layered across the bottom. A cute pink bow of satin centered on the panties was something he was imagining as those panties now worked their way along his legs.
"Lift again for mommy baby girl," Julie whispered and Mark again did as he was told. 'Incredible' he said to himself as these panties moved silently while his baby pants rustled slightly. This was unbelievable Mark mused as he settled back down. It was an endless cycle of sensations and words that were blending nicely with his fantasy.
He was a little girl, not too young and almost out of diapers but not yet laying in a crib. It wasn't his mother nor his aunt but Julie's face bent over the lowered railing and smiling down on him. He'd been carried from his bath to that crib or so he imagined as he nursed his baby bottle.
He was sure he'd be sitting in a second for his dress but instead felt something touch his feet. Socks he imagined but too lose to be and they had to be tied he noticed as Julie did just that. Booties? The dress they ordered didn't come with booties he knew but he was sure that was what went on his first foot, then the other. He was ordered to sit then and was dying now to open his eyes.
"Let's nurse our pacifier baby till mommy gets you into your dress," Julie said as she took Mark's baby bottle in exchange for his pacifier. It wasn't his dress first but a slip or so it seemed when Julie tugged in over his head. Wasn't much there and wouldn't be if it had to be hidden under his dress but if felt nice against his pampered and powdered skin. The dress did follow and that followed with a slight rustle to it as he settled over him.
It was cool touching his slip but warmed quickly as Julie moved her hands behind Mark's neck to button the back. A float dress she'd said when he'd ordered it. A toddler's style because toddlers didn't have enough chest for a dress with a waist yet. The skirts started gathering right under the arms and from the collar. A baby's dress Mark mused to his delight.
Julie had to be almost done with this Mark decided as she took a second to kiss his cheek as she buttoned the dress closed. It had to be almost over till Mark felt his hair being brushed after Julie shifted from his side to gain access to his back. She was brushing his hair straight. Those ribbon again Mark mused and again happily.
"So pretty. Such a pretty little girl," Julie whispered near his ear. His hands after the dress went on were moving ever so slightly over his dress and near the hem. He was trying to determine how many layers covered him at his knees. It was a soft satin to the touch. Julie called it a slipper satin and the same material used for wedding dresses. It flowed around him like water only dry but felt slippery as if wet. A truly marvelous fabric Mark decided.
"My precious little baby girl," Julie said as something touched his head. Lace touched the sides of his face and again Julie shifted. She was putting a baby's bonnet on him. They hadn't ordered a bonnet either. He was in booties and now a bonnet and he was sure that was what it was as Julie fused under his chin. The lace of it was touching both sides of his face as he felt the ribbon ties drawing the bonnet closed.
He wanted to ask where those came from but didn't dare nor did he really care at this moment. He felt fully wrapped and what he was wrapped in cuddled him softly. The fabrics smell now mixing with everything else was intoxication. Her words drew him deeply into another world that had no room for an adult nor a male as she fused a bit more under his chin.
"Hold your hand out with your fingers together precious," Julie said and once more Mark did as he was told. Something went over his hand and felt similar to his booties. There was no space for fingers and again Julie drew it snug with ties because he felt that gathering again around his wrist as he had with his ankles. He was going to be in mittens and again those hadn't come with the dress they had ordered. How odd he mused but only just as Julie did his right hand.
Mark tried to envision how he looked and couldn't other than to bring back the images of those dressed when they shopped. None of the men or women modeling the baby dresses looked like babies per se but they were definitely dressed the way babies were dressed. He was dying to see what he looked like. He was happy to just look no matter how silly that thought seemed.
"OK, stand for mommy honey so she can fix your little ruffled panties and dress," Julie said as she guided Mark by his wrist. His fingers were encased in something silky as was his body when he stood. That diaper gathering between his legs felt huge and soft making him wonder if he would waddle. He was sure his butt would wiggle even if he tried to walk without waddling.
Mark stood and he was sure Julie was still sitting as she began to fuss with his booties first. She was twisting those slightly, then moved to his panties and fused with those. He felt her finger slip between his skin and the elastic before each hand circled his legs. She cupped him slightly then moved to his waist and did the same as she had around his legs.
Mark felt the tug of his dress or slips or both. He wasn't sure what she was doing nor why but he was sure he liked it. He was sure she stood because she moved around to his front and fussed more with the puffed sleeves of his dress before moving to his bonnet. She spent some of those minutes just fussing for the sake of it or so he guessed.
Mark didn't know if he had regressed as Julie had said but he was sure he was in a place he'd never been before. A touch of eroticism mixed with a touch of mysticism. His thoughts were jumbled and obscure. No rational thought helped him rationalize what he was feeling nor why. He loved it and had no reason to yet more than enough when he gave over to his senses.
He was willing to stand there and allow Julie all the time she needed and if she said she'd like to do this again he'd do so without a second of thought. He had no sense of time. Somewhere between the moment she began to bath him and now was lost to any length of time. It could have been just minutes or an hour and his only regret was that it was ending.
"Walk with mommy," Julie said taking Mark's elbow.
Mark wanted to ask if he could open his eyes or talk yet, but couldn't as he realized that the softly padded mittens left him without the use of his fingers and the ability to remove his pacifier. He also realized it wasn't that big of a desire. The living room he mused as he estimated the steps from his room to there and with that thought came a whiff of perfume. Not Julie's, nor what he was covered with. Who's then, he mused...
There was a slight twinge of apprehension and a growing suspicion that something else was going on when a range of voices, all female, yelled... SURPRISE!
Mark instantly became defensive, scared and very aware of what he was wearing as he found himself in the middle of the living room with the ladies sitting around him. His pacifier fell to the floor. The only access out without climbing over someone in a panic was blocked by Julie.
Mark was looking at Carol, Susan, and Ms. Pennyworth from work, then Hazel the seamstress. Next to her was Terry and Barbie from the studio and worse, his advisor Tracy Manchester from school. Mark felt himself flush as his skin began to feel pasty. 'This can't be happening', he mused as the women smiled.
"Mark honey, sit," Julie said moving quickly to his side.
"What is going on," Mark said feeling lost, embarrassed and suddenly angry.
"Honey, it's your coming out party as it were. Sweetheart, you have been a remarkable student and, in my opinion a very extraordinary person. Unbelievable considering what you've had to go through. I thought that needed a celebration of sorts, and I invited everyone involved to be part of it. I'm very proud of you as is everyone here," Julie said hugging Mark.
"My advisor? She's not involved," Mark said.
"Of course I am Mark," Tracy Manchester said smiling as she added, "and I'm very proud of you as well. Besides, I had to be part of this."
"You had to be? Why," Mark asked.
"Mark, they wanted you to work full time for at least one semester. Before I could authorize that I had to know it would be worthwhile. Of course it is and even more so now that I've seen the results. Bravo and congratulations," Tracy said.
"I'm confused," Mark said but feeling slightly less anxiety as he said it. He was still dressed like a baby girl in a room full of woman and that felt odd but he wasn't as scared as he was. Nor as angry he realized.
"Don't be honey. You are standing in a room full of supporters. We're your fans if that helps. Your success is our success, your failure, likewise, ours. Since this whole process started it was clear it could only work... or fail on if you succeeded or failed. Tonight, this process of regression you went through, was the only real step left. You've been a sissy, young girl, little girl and now a baby girl," Julie said proudly as she bent in to kiss Mark.
"Sissy? I wasn't a sissy," Mark said.
"That night I walked you into the store to buy panties and those couple of dresses was your sissy test," Julie said.
"And the rest of this," Mark asked.
"More test," Julie said.
"And this too is a test," Mark asked.
"Nope, this is a party for Cindy Sue, our favorite girl," Julie said.
"You're kidding right," Mark said still wishing he was anywhere but here, but not as anxious to run off now.
"I hope not because we've all been shopping and there is a cake in the kitchen and ice cream in the refrigerator so no honey, I hope this is still a party," Ms. Pennyworth said standing. She moved closer to Mark, hugged him and with her arms still on his asked, "is it?"
"I guess so," Mark said looking around once more and feeling just embarrassed since his advisor was standing behind him. He knew for sure his little dress did nothing to hide the ruffles and his dress, he noticed in that same thought was exquisite and not one of the ones he purchased.
"Ready to open your presents first," Carol asked.
"My presents," Mark asked.
"Sorry, I mean Cindy Sue's presents," Carol said laughing.
"Presents," Mark said in a mild state of shock as he asked, "if this is a party, then what's the occation?"
"A number of things beginning first with our congratulations and admiration. Next is because you've sort of graduated now and, last but most certainly not least, you passed my marketing test," Ms. Pennyworth said and added, "with flying colors I might add and how adorable you look."
"What marketing test," Mark asked warming to the warmth.
"Mark, you've been a study since you joined the firm. At first I wanted to know if a man... male, if you will, could learn to market little girl's clothing and some pretty high end sugar and spice as you've discovered. That was key to this little project of ours, or ours as it is now," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"Mine," Mark said.
"Honey, this market is remarkably unique and well over most of our heads, if that isn't obvious. We needed an expert and obviously finding an expert for this impossible, but creating one wasn't. You are already a quick study for the marketing side, so the next logical step was finding out if we could groom you, as it were, for the market itself. It's pretty clear we have," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"And that's a fact," Susan said just a second before Carol said the same thing.
"You said mine," Mark asked blushing slightly over the complements.
"Yours! There is no doubt in my mind, or anyone else here that you can't handle the marketing side of LMM-A," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"LMM-A? What's the "A" mean," Mark asked.
"Adult division for the Little Miss Muffin products. It's going to be headed up by Mark McLuhan our recently promoted Marketing Manager," Carol said.
"Marketing Manager," Mark repeated.
"Who better? I mean look at you? Who could I get better than you to market Little Miss Muffin's adult lines," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"But I haven't really started the Marketing yet. I mean I've only just started," Mark said.
"I know and that part of this hasn't changed at all. Mark, we're still going to need a lot of information but now I can trust that information since I know it's coming from you," Ms. Pennyworth said.
"I don't know what to say," Mark said.
"Say yes, again, and lets get this party going, I'm dying to see what everyone has brought you," Julie said before adding, "by the way, you are wearing Hazel's present. She finished it just this afternoon."
Mark looked at Hazel. He had yet to really see his outfit in a mirror yet but he definitely felt it as he blushed.
"You my most favorite little girl! I work very late adding lace," Hazel said and added, "to panties."
"Thank you," Mark said not sure what else to say.
"How did you put this together," Mark asked of Julie for want of something to say.
"That was easy. Planned it yesterday while you were getting your pictures taken. They were all waiting for your bath to start to come in," Julie said as she moved closer to hug Mark.
"So now what," Mark asked flushing but this time happily or nearly so. He was still very self conscious of what he was wearing and more so with his advisor sitting almost eye level to his ruffles and that pink bow as he added, "I wouldn't mind sitting either."
"Then that's next. Tracy here, I've just recently discovered, is a accomplished seamstress in her own right and in honor of this occation has created a very cute adult size baby blanket. Tracy...," Julie said.
"Right," Tracy said getting up to walk to a large bag sitting by the dinning room table. Mark saw the chair then and a small cake sitting on it. There was an "O" or "0" on it, he wasn't sure which.
"That chair wasn't there," Mark said.
"That's my gift," Ms. Pennyworth said and added, "at least one of them. Didn't seem right having a baby's first day without a high chair. It's Oak."
"Why the 'O'," Mark asked.
"That's a zero. I thought it appropriate since this is actually your first day as an adult baby. We'll have another with a one on it a year from now. Should be pretty interesting by then," Ms. Pennyworth said laughing.
"Here you are Mark, happy first day," Tracy said handing Mark a large pink bag with pink tissue covering what was inside.
It was obvious with his mittens on that he wasn't going to hold much.
"Here, let me get those," Julie said undoing the thin white satin ribbon that closed the mittens around Mark's wrist.
There was a card that Mark took first after sitting the bag down. It read: I've been an advisor for twelve years now and this is the first time I've been an advisor to a baby. My advise is don't ever grow up! Hugs, Tracy Manchester.
Mark laughed as he said, "good advise, I think."
The bag held a satiny nylon, quilted baby blanket about twice as big as a real baby's blanket but just as pretty. In the corner in a slightly darker pink than the blanket the name 'Cindy Sue' appliqued in a cute script.
Thank you," Mark said as Tracy took the blanket and opened it to lay on the floor. It now sat open in front of the TV and Mark sat with some amount of relief as he took out the two matching pillows. Satin pillows to match the blankets edging with lace circling each.
"You are welcome, but I have one more gift," Tracy said darting between chairs to go behind the couch. In her hands was now a very large doll as she added, "this is Peter, the boy companion to the companion doll Pattie Play Pal."
"He's in a dress," Mark said looking at what was obviously a made to look like a boy.
"He is. Peter, fortunately, never got to dress as a boy. Funny thing is I thought of him when I first talked with Carol about you. My mother actually had to go out and get him a wig so he at least looked like a girl, because I was always dressing him in Pattie's things. Can't imagine anyone else owning him," Tracy said as she handed Mark the doll.
"Thank you. Thank you very much," Mark said.
"You are welcome," Tracy said sitting.
"I'll get some toddler diapers and plastic pants and a few pair with ruffles so you two can dress alike," Julie said making Mark blush anew as he fixed the doll on his blanket.
"Great," Mark said with a fresh blush. He was going to be red faced for most of the night he decided as Carol handed Mark her three packages.
Her card read: Nice having a little girl to shop for. Love Carol Winters.
Mark looked up at Carol and got a wink before he turned to the three equal size packages and to hid his face. He opened the first. According to the tag when he unfolded the tissue paper, it was a Cinderella dress from the Disney store. Mark lifted the dress by the shoulders. A powder blue gown of taffeta with an organdy overskirt. On the tag was a girl wearing the dress.
"I use to love playing dress up when I was a little girl," Carol said.
"Thank you," Mark said deciding not to say anything else except, "it's really cute."
The second package was another Disney Store dress, this one Sleeping Beauty and the third Tinker Bell, the fairy from Peter Pan. Mark smiled slightly over the irony of that label again 'the fairy from Peter Pan'.
Susan was next and her card read: From your sister. Love. In a large box a grouping of things meant for a little girl's desk. All of it Hello Kitty. A desk blotter, pen and pencil set, a holder, note pad, some magnets and finally a small stuffed Hello Kitty Kitten.
"For your office," Susan said.
"Thank you," Mark said sitting the doll down next to the other things.
To the cutest little girl we've ever had the pleasure of photographing. Read Terry and Barbie's card. In their box was a very girlish photo album and Mark's pictures taken yesterday. Each page a single picture. At the back the photos with the ladies. That started to make the rounds as Mark thanked them.
Hazel's gift was a surprise since Mark was told he was actually wearing her's. The box, wrapped in a pink baby motif was full to the top when Mark lifted the lid. In it, he thought, was a blanket until he lifted it out. It was actually a satin diaper in pink and made almost as thick as the one he was wearing. A satin diaper, Mark mused feeling very self conscious suddenly.
"For play," Hazel said snickering which left no need for Mark to ask what that meant and another reason to blush. There were actually three diapers that Mark blushed over when he sat those down one on top of the other.
"Excellent," Julie said smiling.
"Thank you very much," Mark said fighting the stutter that was threatening the way he spoke. It wasn't so much what Hazel had said as what Julie added.
Ms Pennyworth was last or so Mark thought as she handed Mark a small envelope and no box. Mark lifted the ornate flap to tug the card out and read it in silence.
"Out loud," Julie said smiling.
"A Girl's Day Out With Aunty Helen." Mark said emphasizing each word as it was written. Mark wasn't sure what that meant.
"Spa, make-over, hair and nails, shopping, lunch and a Broadway show," Hazel said and added with her own wink, "just my new niece and I."
"Ms. Pennyworth, I don't know what to say," Mark said.
"Just another yes is all I need," Helen said.
"Yes," Mark said and added, "and thank you."
"You are more than welcome," Helen said happily.
"Now mine," Julie said handing Mark a small package.
Mark opened it and there was no card till he lifted the bra from the box. It was clearly too big for Mark and an odd sort of bra as he lifted it by the straps.
"Is that what I think it is," Helen asked.
"It is," Julie said as Mark lifted the card from the box. There was no way he was going to read that card as he looked up at Julie.
"Go on, read it," Julie said. Mark's hesitation only made the others insist.
"Fine," Mark said and added, "it reads: 'Breast fed baby's are happier babies,' Love Mommy Julie."
Mark handed Julie the breast feeding bra and the instant she undid the flap covering the cup everyone began to laugh. Mark joined in but his face, beat red, only added to the laughter. Julie helped him stand and hugged him as the others stood to do the same.
"How about cake," Julie said.
"Got milk," Helen asked laughing between a couple of snorts she couldn't help.
It was nearly three in the morning when Mark, exhausted, fell back and into a deep sleep. Julie wore her nursing bra to bed after pinning Mark into his first satin diaper not ten minutes after their guest left. He had spent most of the time, before then, after having his cake in his new high chair, getting hugged, patted and fussed over.
Sex, the sex most people know about, didn't happen exactly as Mark had thought it might, but that didn't bother Mark as he began to nurse Julie's exposed breast in his new diaper. His journal would reflect his thoughts on Hazel's reason for those satin diapers when she said they were to 'play in' as Julie carefully slid a hand under Mark's dress and slip but over his baby pants and that satiny diaper.
He would begin that next journal entry by first writing: Fetish, sometimes a verb; an excessive or irrational devotion to some activity. All three of his satin diapers went into the laundry that following day. He literally and figuratively slept like a baby, although for a time and before then, three to be exact, he'd been very adult.
Mark's marketing plan was finished in just under thirty days outlining his target markets, how he was going to position his products and, most important of all, how he planned on marketing his Cindy Sue Dress Line. Sales were brisk in those first few months and remarkable mostly word of mouth as a number of forum members began touting the style, fabrics and quality of their very own Cindy Sue dress.
The Cindy Sue Store on Ebay did a fair amount of business as well.
Although what might be a bit of irony in this story is Mark consulting back to Little Miss Muffin company as Cindy Sue. Carol invited Cindy Sue into their board room. She was there to discuss several request my mother's of daughters who wanted LMM to take on some of the looks of those Cindy Sue Dresses. Those dresses were, according to those moms, the quintessential little girl dresses.
On Mark's one year anniversary, there was a small article in the business section on the take over a small, but very profitable, business. That takeover expanded the Little Miss Muffin product line into the adult dress market. In that same article it announced that the new segment would be run by a young lady named Cindy Sue who had an eye on what 'not so little, little girls' wanted.
I am experimenting with this story in the hopes that those volunteering to act as on-line editors, can do so. This is also the largest story I've written so I'm experimenting with continuity as well. I've also dreamed of most everything here so I'm willing to continue experimenting for the rest of my days....
Your comments, by the way, are greatly appreciated and often the only reason I write.
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