Scene: A cafe. One table is occupied by a group of Chatroom Girls. Kristine and Drea enter.
Kristine:
You sit here, Drea.
Drea:
All right.
Kristine:
(to Waitress) Morning!
Waitress (JenniBrock):
Morning!
Kristine:
Well, what've you got?
Waitress:
Well, there's Stark and Bike; Somewhere Else, Ride On Spam and Gaby; Jason’s Story and Colleen and Spam; Robin, Girl’s Don’t Cry and Sarah Carrera and Spam; Spam, Aaron Joel Smith, Boston Bubble, Simon(e), and Venus Cursed and Spam; Venus Touch, Don’t Blame Me and Spam, Changing for Gym, Green Fog, Angry Mermaid, The Center, I am the Night, and Switcheroo and Spam; Spam Rusted Blade Spam Spam Jenny Lee and Spam; Spam Galactic Marshall, Trailer Park Baby Spam Spam What Light, Fortuitous Adventure, Allergies Suck, Spam, Max and Alex, For My Princess and Spam.
Chatroom Girls:
(starting to chant) Spam Spam Spam Spam...
Waitress:
...Spam Spam Spam Echoes, 300 Rains and Spam; Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Drea’s Cryfest Chapter 27 spam spam spam...
Chatroom Girls:
(singing) Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress:
...or Getting Sorted, Danny, Aunt Adele’s Easter Pageant, The Eyes Have It, Spectre, At Last a Life, You Meant It for Evil, Diamond in the Rough and Spam.
Drea:
Have you got anything without Spam?
Waitress:
Well, there's Spam Getting Sorted and Spam, that's not got much Spam in it.
Drea:
I don't want ANY Spam!
Kristine:
Why can't she have Images, Rock Star Makeover, Spam and The Nun?
Drea:
THAT'S got Spam in it!
Kristine:
Hasn't got as much Spam in it as Spam Book of Magik, Omega Unicorn and Spam, has it?
Chatroom Girls:
Spam Spam Spam Spam (crescendo through next few lines)
Drea:
Could you do An Historic Annulment, Angel Marques, Spam and Red Shoes without the Spam then?
Waitress:
Urgghh!
Drea:
What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like Spam!
Chatroom Girls:
Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress:
Shut up!
Chatroom Girls:
Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress:
Shut up! (Chatroom Girls stop) Bloody Hell! You can't have Prom Statement, What a Day! Agent of Order, Spam,and Emma’s Story without the Spam.
Drea:
(shrieks) I don't like Spam!
Kristine:
Sshh, Drea, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your Spam. I love it. I'm having Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Assassin, Angels High, Changing for Gym, Psylocke, Funny Business Spam Spam Spam and Spam!
Chatroom Girls:
(singing) Spam Spam Spam Spam. Lovely Spam! Wonderful Spam!
Waitress:
Shut up!! Drea’s Cryfest is off.
Kristine:
Well could I have her Spam instead?
Waitress:
You mean Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam Spam... (but it is too late and the Chatroom Girls drown her words)
Chatroom Girls:
(singing elaborately) Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam. Lovely Spam! Wonderful Spaaam! Lovely Spam! Wonderful spam. Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am! Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am! Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am! Spa-a-a-a-a-a-a-am! Lovely Spam! (Lovely Spam!) Lovely Spam! (Lovely Spam!) Lovely Spaaam! Spam, Spam, Spam, Spaaaaam!