In a very exciting development, Movin' Dirt Productions has discovered a lost copy of Captain Roland: The Global Explorer, the first in the series of motion pictures from that beloved comedy duo, Roland and DiMaggio. Recently restored to its brilliant black and white, monaural luster; Movin' Dirt has made this available in a Two-Disk DVD Set.
Here's an excerpt from the film; that beloved riotous (ostensibly; you'd have to determine for yourself it this is actually funny to you) skit,
"You Couldn't Afford It!"
Our scene takes place at a dinner party in honor of the Grand Re-re-re-re-opening of the noted transgender fiction site, StoryHysteria, which now has begun to financially compensate contributors... It is hosted by Ms. Jennifer Brock....
Joanne: (dressed in French Maid’s Uniform)
Announcing Ms. Kristine Roland
Kristine: (sings)
My name Kristine Roland, the tired Global Trotter...I'm never where I ought to be 'cause I'm always on the road!
Joanne:
Announcing Signora Andrea DiMaggio
(Fanfare)
Andrea:
How do you do?
Ms. Jennifer Brock:
How do you do?
Andrea:
Where's the chat room?
Kristine:
Say, I used to know a woman looked exactly like you, by the name of...ah... Andrea DiMaggio Are you her sister?
Andrea:
I’m Andrea DiMaggio!
Kristine:
You're Andrea DiMaggio
Andrea:
I’m Andrea DiMaggio!
Kristine:
Well, no wonder you look like her...But I still insist, there is a resemblance.
Andrea:
Ha, ha, ha, ha...hey, she thinks I look alike.
Kristine:
Well, if you do it's a tough break for both of you.
Ms. Brock:
You are one of new proofreaders? But you were not due until tomorrow.
Andrea:
Couldn't come tomorrow, that's too quick.
Kristine:
Say, you're lucky they didn't come yesterday!
Andrea:
We were busy yesterday, but we charge just the same.
Kristine:
This is better than globe-trotting! What do you girls get an hour?
Andrea:
Oh, for proofing we getta fifty dollars an hour.
Kristine:
I see...What do you get for not proofing?
Andrea:
One hundred dollars an hour.
Kristine:
Well, clip me off a piece of that.
Andrea:
Now, for editing we make special rate. Thatsa two hundred dollars an hour.
Kristine:
That's for editing?
Andrea:
Thatsa for editing.
Kristine:
And what do you get for not editing?
Andrea:
You couldn't afford it...Heh...you see, if we don't edit, we don't proofread. And, if we don't proofread...That runs into money.
Well, let's see how we stand...
Kristine:
On platform sandals with open toes and cork soles….
Andrea:
Yesterday, we didn't post at all. You remember, yesterday we didn't post?
Kristine:
Oh, I remember...
Andrea:
Yeah, that's seven hundred dollars.
Kristine:
Yesterday you didn't post, that's seven hundred dollars?
Andrea:
Si…. That's seven hundred dollars.
Kristine:
Well, that's reasonable. I can see that alright.
Andrea:
Now...today, we did post That's uh...
Kristine:
That's a hundred you owe us.
Andrea:
Say, I bet I'm gonna lose on the deal...Tomorrow, we don’t visit the site altogether. That's worth about...
Kristine:
Fifteen hundred dollars. (laughs)
Andrea:
Yeah, thatsa about alright for me, but I gotta partner!
Kristine just looks at the camera as the scene fades to black!
based on the movie Animal Crackers
by the Marx Brothers....