If you were offered a second chance to live, regardless of consequences, would you take it?
I crashed that night.
Driving home from a long day at work. Already the sky was dark, raining like it always does along the Fraser Valley during late November. That was the life of the fisheries. Whatever sun you were blessed to receive was used solely for the catching of salmon as they made their down the rivers. That was the way of the Northwest, the heart and soul of our society.
My family had a history of fishing. My great grandfather moved west over a century ago. He was a tradesmen from Quebec, and had a history making a career fishing the waters of Lake Champlain. Seeing that the west was expanding, particularly from settlers who stopped halfway from travelling north to Alaska searching for the next major Gold Rush, he felt it wise to continue his trade out there. Back then, if you couldn’t fish, you couldn’t survive, and people like him could easily make a few bucks training new generations of talent while selling his goods and services.
Eventually he trained my Grandfather, who then trained my father, and eventually passed down the tradition onto me. A few years ago my father lost his life to cancer. At the time, I was 23. Now at 26 I was the last of my family’s line. And that was gone last night.
The roads were barely visible. Even with my wiper blades on full speed the rain continued to pummel my windshield, making it difficult to see. Maybe I was foolish to drive home in a storm like that. But I hadn’t anywhere else to go. The fisheries were closed up. My friend had his own problems getting up to his house, plus it technically was a longer drive, even if he agreed to having me over for the night. I really didn’t think it would be much a problem getting home anyway. I’ve driven down these winding roads for many years.
Of course what I’ve failed to realize was even though I may have driven these roads for a long time, the other drivers- well not so much. And when I saw a gigantic semi appear while turning on a sharp curve, his hi beams totally surprised me, forcing me to reflexively stomp on my brakes. The wheels began to hydroplane out of control, and my car broke through the rails causing me to fall off the cliff side, crashing into a tree below.
There ended the life of Lee DuBois the fourth.
I saw him- my former body, as I stood outside from the accident. Looking at my ethereal self, I began trying to rationalize my sudden predicament. I was dead. 26 years, and yet I felt so unfulfilled. Every day I got up, ate, drink, go to work, get a decent paycheck, and head back to sleep. What about the great things in life? What about having girlfriend, or a wife? Maybe a few children? And what about my life? I was a fisherman, but only in name only. I was taught because it was the easiest way for me to get ahead. Many people my age would love to have a stable career such as mine. Many aren’t so lucky to have a father who has been in the business forever, enough so that he could easily cut the red tape for me and get me hired with much trouble.
But in reality I didn’t want to be another long line of DuBois men who spent their life fishing. I wanted to go to school. Become an environmentalist. Over the time spent here you tend to love the fields and the animals and everything else. Now whether you believe in global warming or not, there has been something going on causing changes within the wildlife in the Northwest. I want to do my best to help stop the damage of this beautiful region.
My dad thought it was rather dumb of me to ever think that. My ancestry was always blue collared. Many of them didn’t see what was special about college since they had a stable lifestyle here. When given the opportunity to have a job in the fishery, I reluctantly accepted, only for the fact I can save up the money and eventually go to college and allow myself to live my dream.
Unfortunately I felt as if that’ll never happen. I worried about my mother. I could only imagine the heartbreak she’ll feel as she identified my broken body. Out of all the people in my family she supported me the most. I couldn’t have had a more wonderful mother. I’m sorry.
I turned away from my body, only to see in the distance a shining white light. I glanced at my body one last time. With a sigh, I knew, my time has come. I decided to head that way. It was time to meet my maker.
Soon the visions of reality began to fade. The moistened ground was magically replaced by a field of fluffy clouds. Walking further I started to lose my way. There were no landmarks, nothing to tell me what way I was heading. All there was were more clouds and clouds as far as the eye could see.
Unable to figure out where I was going. I decided maybe it was best if I just sit down and relax. I had all eternity anyway right? No use getting worried about it.
“Quite an overwhelming experience, isn’t it?”
“Huh?” I gasped, wondering who it was that said that. I jumped up and looked behind me and saw a man wearing a white robe and possessed a snow white beard that looked as soft as the clouds I was standing on.
“This place gets rather disorienting doesn’t it?” he continued. “Don’t worry, you’ll get used to it. Everyone does.”
I decided to take a crack at the name of the man I was talking to. “Are you, God?”
“What do you believe?” He answered using another question.
“I…don’t know,” I said. “Everything is so new to me here.”
“It’s a shame someone so young has their life taken so soon,” he grimaced as he shook his head. “So much to live for, so much to accomplish, with barely any footprint left on the world.”
“Yeah,” I nodded, sharing his sentiment, “I guess it wasn’t meant to be.”
“Do you want it to be over?” he asked quizzically. “Do you feel happy after all you’ve accomplished?”
“Well,” I pondered, finally answering maybe a little modestly, “I really can’t change much about my life. I would like to think I have done some good in it. Still, I do worry about my mother.”
“Well,” he continued, “What if I could tell you that maybe you can reunite with her again? What if I can tell you that you can return to the world of the living, and continue to accomplish the things you so desperately want to do?”
“What?” I exclaimed, having a hard time believing what I was hearing.
“Yes, the choice of living or dying lies in your hands,” he stated. “Which way you choose is up to you. But you haven’t much time to decide. Your body isn’t going to hold out that much longer.”
I couldn’t believe it. When I looked at my body, it looked so dead, like a marionette no longer being manipulated by its puppeteer. I could really come back to life? Even if I returned I doubt I could even walk again, let alone work. The chances of me reaching college seemed farther and farther away.
But just by being alive I still had the ability to accomplish it, no matter how long it took. Plus my mother would be thrilled. I didn’t want her to spend the rest of her life alone.
“I want to live,” I decided, not one ounce of wavering on my part.
“Then fight!” he implored me. “Fight and return to the place of the living!”
Fight? How was I supposed to do that? Maybe it was instinct. If I could make it here, maybe I can make it back down there. I focused my thoughts back into my mind. I wanted to be alive. I have so much to live for!
It felt almost like a dream. I could vaguely hear a group of people discussing things as I started to come to.
“It looks like the body is calming down a little bit now,” a female stated.
“It is no longer rejecting the donor organ, nurse?” a male, most likely the chief surgeon, asked.
“No doctor,” that same female replied. “The brain seems to be working as normal.”
“Good, good,” he praised, “I was quite worried for the moment. I was afraid I lost this one. We’ll need to watch the patient for the next few hours. However, I believe the body is stable enough to move back into the recovery room for the time being.
Suddenly I felt myself being rolled away. I heard the doctor stated as I was being rolled off:
“Congratulations on this historic moment, everybody! This surgery will be a major step in the future of medicine!”
The clapping came soon after. And although I didn’t understand what he was talking about, my brain really didn’t have the focus to think about it now. Instead I followed my mind’s advice and fell asleep.
I felt the morning sun shine over my face. The warmth felt so good. It made me realize how lucky I was to be alive. I began to slightly sit up from my bed and began to stretch out. At least my arms worked. And what’s more, I didn’t feel any pain while I did it. The only thing that really seemed to bother me was my head. But, for all the damage I saw my body have, if all that came out of it was a headache than I’m not complaining.
I remembered what the doctor said about this surgery. It was apparently an experimental surgery, but whatever is was, damn did it work.
I kept my eyes close for the longest time. I was afraid to look at first, but realizing how good I felt, I didn’t feel so self conscious.
As I slowly opened my eyes, I soon began to think I should’ve reconsidered.
The light blinded me as my eyes began to readjust. Even though everything was a blur, I could tell something seemed off. My body seemed a little smaller than usual; somewhat thinner as well. Might just be my eyes, I thought to myself. I put my hands up in front of my face. As the closer they got the more visible they looked. Oddly they looked relatively petite. My hands normally were rough and heavily calloused from my work in the fisheries. There were barely any marks or scars on them. They were almost perfect.
This was getting really weird. My vision further returning I ran my eyes down my arms, witnessing the lack of muscle tone and hair. With a brief glance, my eye caught something that gave me the answers I was looking for. I saw what I thought were a pair of breasts underneath my patients outfit. Freaking out, I ran my hands over my chest, hoping it just wasn’t me seeing things. They were very real as I felt the sensitivity as my fingers ran upward across my nipples.
My vision was restored and everything was revealed. My heart beat faster, faster. Everything was getting dizzied as I came to grips on my new reality. I was a woman.
While I was hyperventilating I managed to have enough energy to give off the most blood curdling scream I had ever heard.
It didn’t take too long to get the attention of the nurses who were rushing into my room. I panicked myself into breathlessness.
“She’s turning blue!” One of the nurses cried rushing to my IV.
“She’s rejecting her body!” Screamed another.
“Quick, bring give her something to calm her down!” The third and final nurse implored.
Quickly one of the nurses started to fill a syringe of what probably was a form of tranquilizer. Stabbing it into my IV, the medicine quickly made the way through my circulatory system, and the concoction proved effective as it quickly knocked me out.
Take two. Hopefully what I experienced the last time was just my mind playing tricks on me.
As I opened my eyes, my hopes I was hallucinating went out the window. There I was, with the same arms, the same hands, and the same body.
I still was panicking, but this time I had a little more wherewithal to maintain my composure. Breathing rather heavily, perhaps the doctors can give me an explanation as to why something would do something so…insane.
Realizing the spike of my pulse on the electrocardiogram, one of the nurses from earlier came into my room. Seeing I wasn’t spazzing out, she calmly asked, “Are you ok?”
Sure, I wasn’t in the best of moods, but I needed to stay in control. I didn’t like this situation, but panicking wouldn’t solve anything. Plus I didn’t want to go through the pain I felt earlier.
As calmly as I could I asked, “What did you do to me?” The pitch of my raspy voice didn’t help my blood pressure.
“When you feel a little bit better I’ll get the doctor to further explain your situation,” she replied. “You really need to calm yourself. Your mind still isn’t completely synchronized with your body yet. Too much stress and you’ll relapse again.”
I took myself some deep breaths. Hopefully that did the trick. Perhaps with some answers I can find a way to return to my old self.
Parched from what must’ve been days without water touching these lips. My throat was sore and it was impeding my ability to talk; more so than the awkwardness of hearing my new voice.
So I gasped to the nurse, who from her name tag was named Merissa. “I need a drink.”
“Oh, of course,” she replied as she walked out the door, returning a few seconds later with a Styrofoam cup of water. I whisked the cup from her hand and quickly chugged the water down. The cold liquid going down my throat soothed my strained throat, making a world of difference.
My throat cleared up, I said to her, “Thanks.” Hearing my voice truly for the first time I could tell she had a fantastic voice. She could have been a great singer, whoever she was. It was one that could pique my interest, if we would have bumped into each other in the past. However I’d rather hear it from the side of the interested boyfriend, not like this.
She put her hands over my wrists in a caring and supporting manner. “I know this may be tough for you. We did what we could to keep you alive. I hope you’ll have your answers when you have your meeting.
I wasn’t angry with her. She’s just doing her job, after all. And it was obvious that she cared about me, probably like most other patients. The target of my frustration was directed at the doctor who did the surgery. I hope that whatever answers he gives me would include the opportunity to regain my old self.
I took another sip of my water. My hands felt so weak, it really took a lot of effort just to grip the cup. It must’ve been my brain, having a difficult time controlling the motor reflexes of my new body. It’s probably like a paralyzed individual trying to regain his movement. Accept that I can feel. My nerves seem to be doing well, as my headache seemed a lot worse than it was a few hours ago.
She probably knew that as Merissa seemed to adjust the amount of morphine being put into my body. It seemed to help a little bit. I touched my head, which seemed to be heavily bandaged. I didn’t know exactly what happened but that gave me some hints of what they did to me.
I moved my fingers down my cheek. My rugged hairy stubble I was so used to was replaced by a smooth, clean exterior. The more I examined myself, the more I felt the needed to know. What did I look like?
“Could I…take a look at myself?” I asked, my curiosity getting the best of me. “I need to know.”
She understood as she nodded and walked outside. She came back shortly after with a mirror and refill of water. Some restaurant waiters and waitress should take notes on her hospitality.
Slowly bringing the cup to my mouth I took another drink as Merissa held the mirror up to my face. I became mesmerized by the face looking back at me.
It was small narrow face, maybe a little gaunt in nature. Her chin was sharp; my cheekbones well defined. My nose was small and rounded in nature and my lips were fairly red and under normal circumstances, if my mouth wasn’t so dry, would be very soft and sensitive to the touch. My eyes were a blueish color and were surrounded with long and relatively healthy eyelashes. I didn’t know what lay hidden underneath the bandages wrapped over my head, however, I’m fairly certain that my hair was just as beautiful and ravishing as the rest of my head.
The morphine started to get to me as I felt a little fuzzy. Merissa saw I was about to drift off, and helped me back down into my covers. She turned off the lights and allowed me to drift back off to sleep.
I didn’t know where I was. I wasn’t too worried though. I had my near death experience. I’ve witnessed many things most living people shouldn’t be allowed to observe.
No, the more surprising thing was me. I was in my body- my true body. It didn’t make any sense, but I’ll take it.
All I saw was darkness, and a spotlight beaming on me from overhead. Looking around suddenly another spotlight came on, shining in it was me, well, the me I was now. It was that girl, without the bandages, with the full head of brunette hair running down to her shoulders, wearing a flowery dress as she sat, looking over at my direction.
“You…who are you?” I asked, not knowing what was happening.
“Me?” she began, “I’m you. I thought you knew that.”
“I don’t understand,” I admitted.
“You don’t need to understand,” she stated, “Just open your heart, and everything will start to make sense.”
“What do you mean?” I inquired as the whole vagueness of what she was saying didn't help anything.
My question never was answered; instead she began to fade from view.
“Come back!” I cried, much to no avail.
I woke up. My eyes shot right open, returning me to the bed in the room in the hospital where I was staying.
It was a dream. A strange dream, but a dream nonetheless. Whoever that being was, she seemed so real. It was hard to describe.
I sat up and rub my eyes, then continued by moving my hands down my face. If I was near a sink I’d probably splash my face with a handful of water, but I still wasn’t entirely in full control my new body yet.
The first order of business was to relieve myself. After the cups of water I had I wasn’t surprised my bladder was overloaded. However, it was really difficult to even hold it long enough to fully wake up. With Merissa’s assistance I slowly made my way to the bathroom, my mind still unfamiliar with walking with a new pair of legs, entirely different from my old body as the widened hips only made things worse.
Urinating was just a much an awkward job. My brain allow me to go just like normal, however it couldn’t comprehend just from where I was urinating from. The feeling only made me wish for my old body back once more. I tried to calm down though. I didn’t need to go into shock just because of my anxiety over this matter.
Guiding me back to my bed, Merissa told me that the doctor was planning on taking a few x-rays and PET scans on my head just to see how it was doing. I was anticipating the moment; the longer he kept me waiting the more impatient I was becoming.
The hours passed and eventually they were ready to start the PET scan. Merissa helped me onto a wheelchair and rolled me into the room. I was greeted by the other nurses from earlier, Maggie and Alice. On the computer was a man named Ross- he was the man who would be taken the cat scan.
Assisting me and helping me get comfortable, Merissa I helped me up from my chair and lie myself on the bed of the scanner. Lying flat on my back I folded my hands across my breasts, as if I was a dead person in a coffin. Closing my eyes I let the scanner do its job. It didn’t take more than 15 minutes to finish and I was back in my wheelchair again, waiting, wondering where the doctor was as they took my scans and left the room.
Minutes passed and here I was, waiting impatiently. I was really gritting my teeth at this point, using all of my power to keep from going off the deep end. It was only until Maggie came back and said, “The doctor is ready to see you.”
Finally! I was wheeled to his office. The setting was unbelievable as books filled his many bookshelves and his degrees framed and littered on the walls around me. Behind his desk were huge glass windows overlooking the city from a distance. From where I could tell, the skyline reminded me of Vancouver.
Still my attention was focus on the doctor, who was sitting at his desk, apparently looking at my brain scans. To his right was another man. He didn’t seem like the medical type however. With his business suit and finely manicured hands, to me he was more like an American Wall Street broker, or something.
Merissa left me to the two gentlemen as she left the room. It almost didn’t seem like the doctor even noticed I was here how he was focused entirely on the scans.
Apparently he had a sixth sense however, as he spoke up and said the following. “Well, Mr. Dubois, it seems as if your brain is taking to your new body quite nicely.” He showed me the scan. “If you can take a look here you can even see your brain is healing, beginning to fuse with your host’s medulla oblongata.
I really didn’t want to know what was going on inside my head at the moment. I wanted answers, and now was the time to get it.
“Doctor,” I began, trying to be as cordial as humanly possible, “What happened to me? Why am I in the body of a young woman?”
“Hmph,” he began, seemingly taken aback by my lack of interest. “Getting to the heart of the matter, I see.”
He put down my x-ray and stood up, “You’re not thrilled about your situation at the moment, I’d take it?”
“Well,” I began, not really sure how I thought. “In one sense, I’m glad that I’m alive. I get to resume living and hopefully achieve my goals. But, what I don’t understand was, why this? What happened to my body?”
Walking around the desk he began to lean on it. Staring on me he told me, “I wish that I could have saved your body. However it was too far gone. With all the blood loss there would be no way to save you. At least, not with traditional methods.”
The other man began to take over. “You were kind of lucky that night, to say the least. The truck that so happened to run you off the road happened to be a part of our company’s payroll.”
“He’s been fired, by the way,” the doctor interjected.
“Yes,” The business man stated. Digressing he continued, “Where are my manners? I’m sorry, my name is William Housler, billionaire and owner of Nirvana Biotechnologies. It’s a pleasure, truly.”
Raising his hand, I gave him a courteous shake and he resumed.
“I suppose the first thing I should explain is the nature of my business,” he declared. “Nirvana specializes in the advancement of technologies that are designed to help the success rates of donor organ transplants. With our devices, the chances of donor organ rejection had dropped dramatically since the establishment of our firms.”
I could almost see where this was going, however I’d rather here it from their lips.
“Of course that’s just one part, a minor part, of our overall purpose. With extensive research and the improvement of organ transplant technology we had finally hit the holy grail of medical science, the transplant of the human brain.”
“So if I can get this straight, you decided to transplant my brain into this body?” I wondered, the rise in my voice showing the shock from all of this.
He smiled a little, and continued. “It was really a string of luck to have recovered you when you did. We’ve tried so hard, pleading the Canadian government to allow us access to donor bodies in order to accomplish our project, but they continuously denied us. Said that morally it would be improper. But really, what is improper? A man, on the verge of death, not being able to get the treatment to live, or the bodies, brain dead, only keeping alive because of guilt? To me would It not be the best of both worlds? To save the life of a human being, while giving a old and motionless body new life?”
These are questions I rather not debate about. It isn’t my place. In my opinion no one was right. There could be other ways to save either one of them if you were willing to spend your money on more practical advancements.
“So just to reconfirm, my body is?” I asked with shakiness in my voice.
“I’m sorry,” The doctor said with consolement in his voice.
“We did what we could to save your life,” William went on, “Luckily we had another body, received only three months earlier. She had a brain aneurism. No one knew she has a blood clot inside her head. As a result she went brain dead; her body maintained function, but she no longer could wake up.”
“She was the Daughter of the nurse you know pretty well,” the doctor chimed in. “She was the daughter of Miss Merissa Rivers. Miss Miranda Rivers.
That was the biggest shock of them all. The nurse, who was taking care of me the entire time- that was her mom?
“She couldn’t stand her daughter, lying there, helpless. She didn’t know what to do,” William continued. “We offered her the chance that perhaps she could be saved, even if not in her entirety. She eventually accepted. With your arrival, we had the two subjects necessary for surgery. So, we decided to go through with it, thinking we may never have another chance.”
“What we did was done in secret without the government having any idea it ever happened,” the doctor stated. “If found out, we could be arraigned and out of practice.”
“In either event, the transplant was a success,” William stated. “You are the first successful brain transplant.”
Everything was so hard to grasp. This all happened only because I was at the right place at the right time. Now I was in the middle of some huge ethical debate with a new body and a new mother who did this, knowing I was never going to replace her daughter, no matter if my mind was in her body.
This was some Frankenstein like shit being thrown on me. At this point I didn’t even know if I could return my old life, resume my place in society, and follow my dreams. Everything was so complicated.
And I could never return to being Lee.
“So…” I said, albeit in a low volume, “What happens to me now?”
“That’s up to you,” William said. “Our goal is to help you rehabilitate to the point where you can return to living life. I know that once you’re free from here life may be a little different than normal, and some of things you may have been able to do with your former body may be difficult, or impossible. But we’ll do our best to get you in working shape as fast as we can.”
“We know you didn’t sign for this,” the doctor admitted. “We know this is all unexpected. We’re willing to financially compensate you for your participation of this. I know that may be too little, but perhaps it will help.”
I didn’t want to be a woman. I had a hard time accepting that this would be me for the foreseeable future. Still, I remember the moment where I was dead, talking with that old man. I gave him my answer- I wanted to live, and put my own mark on the world. Not some mark my dad wanted me to be. So, did it really matter what gender I was? If I can put my heart to it, there shouldn’t be any reason I couldn’t. I don’t agree with the practice. The idea of transplanting brains into different bodies was so immoral. But I couldn’t do anything about it now. For my, and Miranda’s sake, I’ll do my best to live for the both of us.
“I would like to go to college,” I said. “I would also like to reconnect with my mother, and maybe my friends at the fishery. I want them to know I’m alive, and well.”
Discussing it amongst themselves, they turned back to me, and William replied, “I’m sure we can do that. It may be a little while however, since you’ll need to rehabilitate before then. But we’ll see what we can do.”
“Thank you,” I said.
“I suppose you must be tired,” the doctor assumed. “Getting used to a new body must be taking its toll on you. You should get some rest. We’ll begin rehab soon.”
I had another dream last night. Or another vision, if you wish to call it that. There she was again in her flower dress.
“Must’ve been a busy day,” she began.
I looked at her and smiled. “So your name is Miranda, correct?”
“Yep,” She answered, “Technically, so is yours.”
“I suppose so now, huh?” I answered, which kind of seems weird to agree when I was in my male form. “So, why is it you’re still here?”
“Geez,” she teased. “You don’t want me here?”
“No, no!” I insisted, “It’s just weird, I thought you would be dead seeing your brain was dead.”
“Yeah,” she affirmed, “But the mind is only one part of the whole equation though. My soul is still here, and as fit as a fiddle.”
This was a weird epiphany. “So our souls are sharing the same body then?”
“Seems like it,” Miranda confirmed.
“But, what does that mean?” I asked. “Does that mean one of us will hafta…?”
She interrupted me, obviously knowing where I was going with this, “I don’t think so. I don’t think any of us need to disappear or die from this.”
“So what do we do?” I asked.
“I dunno,” she admitted. “I mean, I guess for the meantime you have a split personality, hehe.”
I could help but chuckle. She seemed to have a catchy personality. It’s shame that the only place that anyone can notice is right here.
“So you mean it?” She digressed. “Are you willing to live for the both of us?”
I looked at her. She looked at me as a savior, a hero, perhaps. She needed me.
“Yes,” I replied. “Let’s be happy, together.”
She gave me a smile. It resonated throughout the room and into my heart.
“I wish I would have met you a long time ago,” she shared with me, “You would have made a good boyfriend.”
“You’re not so bad looking yourself,” I admitted.
“Hey!” she exclaimed, giving me a playful punch on my shoulder. “You weren’t oogling me were you?”
“Well, I kind of share your body now,” I said with a grin on my face. “It wouldn’t hurt to share some of the perks!”
We were getting along, chatting like we were best friends. Honestly, I never felt closer to anyone. I had her body, she had my mind. Probably the weirdest gifts for a first date, right?
We ended our little chat, and my time was short. I was going to wake up soon.
“Lee,” she called to me, “before you go, could you do something for me?”
“What is it?” I wondered.
“I wondered if you could tell my mother that I love her, and I’m still here, and I’m happy she gave me this chance.”
She pulled me closer into an embrace and I reciprocated. Mumbling under her breath, I could hear her words. “Thanks. Don’t worry, I be here when you return.”
I closed my eyes, and when I opened them, I was back in my room.
I eventually met up with Merissa. She seemed to be surprised I was up and able to push my wheelchair all by myself. I felt more in tuned with my body than ever before. It was such a major improvement from last night, as my body struggled to maintain balance as I was being rolled around all over the place.
“I’m surprised you’re around so quickly!” she exclaimed. “Three days since you’ve woken up and you’re already moving on your own.”
“Thanks,” I replied. “I still have a hard time standing yet, and my appetite seems to still be lower than normal. At least that’s what my body’s saying.”
“Yes, but that will come.” Merissa assured me. “It seemed like you needed something.”
“Yeah,” I confirmed. “I wanted to tell you, your daughter said that she’s happy you given her a second chance, that she’s here deep inside me, and she loves you.”
She seemed a little shocked. I hoped she didn’t think I was making some horrible joke. Yet from inside I felt Miranda’s presence, and she was feeding me information. Moments from her life came flooding in, so vividly it was like I was the one there, living those moments.
I began to recite the memories of Miranda's past. “Do you remember the time I was 13 and was competing in gymnastics for my school in the regional championships? I was at the finals and was on the balance beam. My competition did a spectacular job. Some people thought I couldn’t have beaten her. Even I had my doubts. But you believed me. Did you remember what you told me when I was about to take the floor?”
She was shaken to her core. The tears she was struggling to hold back streaked down her cheek. Her lips quivering, she answered, “The only one who can beat you is you. No one can tell you it can’t be done. You’ll always have a chance if you give it your best shot.”
I myself couldn’t help it as well as I began to sob uncontrollably. Those memories were so magical. I sometimes wish they were in a way my own. My mom did her best, but my dad could only think of preserving his family’s legacy.
We immediately hugged each other, crying uncontrollably into each other’s arms.
“Oh Miranda…Miranda!” She cried.
“Mother…” I replied in Miranda’s stead. She gave me another gift I will forever be thankful for- her mother. I felt like I was as much her daughter as she was. And she didn’t mind that.
I was back in my bed again a few hours later. Although my motor skills were rapidly improving, my endurance was rather low, most likely because this body was lying dormant for three months. Merissa, my mother, came into the room with my lunch.
“Thank you,” I said as I took the tray from her hands. Beginning to eat she began to talk.
“So what do I call you now?” She asked.
“I’m still Miranda,” I replied. “I don’t think in this body I look like a Lee.”
She giggled under her breath. “I suppose not.” She continued to observe me; every little movement, most likely trying to pick up any little intricacies that could remind her of the old Miranda.
“You do so remind me of her,” she commented. “The way you hold your fork, up to the little bites of food she would tend to take. She really is inside of you, isn’t she?”
“It’s so weird,” I told her, “Her brain was dead, but her soul still remained. They truly are separate from each other.”
“Doesn’t it get burdensome?” she questioned.
“Honestly, I don’t think so,” I answered. “Without her, I feel kind of naked- emotionally, mentally. I don’t think I could have accepted this transition so easily without her.”
“Well, I’m so proud of her giving herself so selflessly like that,” she said. She leaned over and kissed my cheek, and added, “And I’m proud of you being able to accept this like you have. You gave me a new lease on life, and another chance to be a mother.”
With that she walked off leaving me to my meal.
Two weeks had passed and my skull healed up to the point where I could finally remove the bandages from my scalp. My new mom was there for the big moment.
For what I was told, I actually had some heavy duty staples that sealed my skull shut. They would never be removed, but seeing that they were under my skin, that it really didn’t matter. All that mattered was how may forehead looked once the bandages were off; the cold air hitting my hairless scalp for the first time.
Slowly Nurse Maggie unwrapped the bandage. Next came Alice, grabbing some scissors and carefully snipped the sutures that sewed my skin together. After that delicate procedure I was finally allowed to see my head for the first time. With my mom handing me a mirror I took a good look. My hair seemed to have been growing some underneath all the wraps as a brown fuzz grew over my head. Only my scar lacked any hair growth. The scar wrapped around my head, a visible reminder of the surgery I had. The hair would eventually grow out and hide the scar from behind my head. From the forehead the nurses said they could do plastic surgery and eliminate the marks.
It felt good having some fresh air flowing over my head. Eventually my hair will grow out. I wanted to grow it to the end of my shoulders; it’s the only way I could imagine wearing it, most likely because of the frequent visits from Miranda in my dreams. She’ll have to help me learn how to care for it eventually.
I also started to begin trying to walk again. At this point I could only stand up, and that was when I was going to the bathroom. I didn’t want to ignore it much longer. At first it was difficult, taking small steps, trying to regain my leg strength after being immobile for what most likely was 3 months. I also had to compensate for my new form. The wide hips, the sway of my butt; the whole thing was very difficult to get used to.
Slowly however I began to get a hang of it. I began to walk around the halls of the hospital with help of a walker. I felt like an old grandmother, but I needed to persevere. I wanted to walk again.
Having Miranda within me gave me certain advantages as well. As I had thought earlier, she did take singing lessons as a young girl. Likewise, while growing up I happened to take up playing the guitar. Funny thing was neither one of us knew how to do the other; I was too uncoordinated to sing and play at the same time, and Miranda never bothered learning to play an instrument.
Wanting to experiment with this sudden epiphany I asked the doctor if he could obtain a guitar for my use. He was a little reluctant at first; however William seemed to be willing to shell out the cash for one. After all it might prove useful research seeing what my mind was now capable of.
It didn’t take too long as William himself went into town and bought a guitar for my use. Trying to create chords, I realized it might take some time for my hands to adapt to the new instrument. My fingers weren’t calloused, and the delicate nature of them made them much sorer than I realized. Still, the memories were there. I knew my chords, scales, and tunings. Once my hands adapted I was back at it as if nothing changed.
That’s when Miranda came in. I remembered her songs, and her words. Coming up with riffs, I felt like two people. I was focused on playing my guitar, while deep inside I could feel Miranda’s soul rising up within me a she began to sing. She had the voice of an angel. I had the voice of an angel. Soon enough I was coordinating between the two like I’ve been doing it all my life.
The biggest change in my life was getting used to wearing different types of clothes. Merissa came in bringing with her Miranda’s old clothes. She felt that it would be nice to rid of my hospital gown for a change. Plus, it would be something I’d have to get used to since for the rest of my life, I’m Miranda.
Having her soul within me helped me with this endeavor. It didn’t really take too long for me to get the hang of things. My bra was strapped without too much trouble. The major problem was putting on my underwear and jeans. I still didn’t have a lot of skill moving my legs; at this point I had been training them to walk for just over a week. But one thing I did have was my flexibility. How easy it was for me to touch my toes. I could even bend beyond them. Having a gymnast’s body did have its advantages, although I hope that in the near future putting on my pants won’t be such a hassle!
Soon, I’ve became more interested in more of the feminine things in life. I never thought I’d ever be interested in things like that. But the more connected I was to Miranda the more these new outlets opened to me. With help from my new mother, I learned the finer things about makeup, hairstyles, color coordination and even jewelry. Combined with Miranda’s expertise I’ve become a natural, quickly learning to do these things on my own.
Soon enough my legs were strong enough and I finally got the hang of walking. Merissa wanted to reward me by getting my ears pierced. A long time ago she claimed that Miranda always wore earrings, but apparently since then they have closed up. I jumped on the opportunity; not only would I enjoy having my ears pierced, but it was also the first time I got out since the car crash.
Picking out my earrings was the interesting part. Miranda loved her birthstone: Amethyst. I liked the idea, but I also wanted a style that shows my duality, a combination of the two of us, becoming one. There were these pretty looking earrings that had the sun/moon silhouette on them. The sun spins on an axis connected to a crescent moon which connects to the pin. The two would eventually become one giant circle, reminding me of an eclipse. I had to take them. I settled with my other half by buying her an amethyst ring, under her mother’s approval.
Months passed. I was finally rehabilitated, and I’ve never felt better. With my legs in tip top shape, I wanted to test them to their fullest.
While I was rehabilitating I was in a gym like room, which had many pieces of workout equipment, like barbells, treadmills, squat machines, and other knick-knacks. There was also something that caught my eye: a balance beam. It was one of the things William brought in. He was obviously well versed in my background. During my time out, and I have been going out more and more lately, I bought a lavender spandex leotard, preparing for this very moment, however I was kind of embarrassed trying to do this in company of others.
Putting on the leotard for the first time felt peculiar, and yet, exciting. Staring back at me I saw how the spandex melded onto every part of my body, accentuating every curve. It even visibly showed my flat crotch. I didn’t mind that though. I’ve grown accustomed to it.
I made my way to the balance beam. I was all alone; only a single light was on, shining directly over the beam, like it was calling me into the spotlight.
Stretching out my legs, I used the beam to raise my legs and touch my head. I was proud of the flexibility I procured. With the straightening of my socks, and a deep breath, I made the leap and jumped up onto the beam.
Like a cat I landed leg first. Standing up, I contemplated on what I should do next. I was rather nervous, but deep in me I could feel Miranda scream, more, more!
Trying to gain confidence I began to walk lightly on the beam. Using my tip toes, I was surprised how balanced I truly was. This really wasn’t that difficult at all!
Subconsciously something told me to do a backflip, and for some reason, without thinking I did it, going from one end to the other, landing on my two feet without any problems. Incredible! I didn’t know what a rush that was!
Following that up I jumped, spreading my legs and landing, much like a ballerina. Seeing the bars at the end of the beams, I slid down into the splits, using the bars to balance my body. Some of these things I was absolutely amazed I could do. Raising myself back up into a standing position, I decided to push myself a little further. Staring at the bar I grabbed a hold of it, and I began to spin around, flipping my body around as I moved my arms as my body passes them by.
And now for the grand finale. I was able to stay up on the beam the entire time. Whatever fear I had was replaced by jubilation. I was looking forward to this. I know now, I can do it!
Standing on the center of the beam, I stared at the ground below me, and jumped, twisting into a double somersault. I successfully landed, feet first, not needing my hands to balance myself.
Unbelievable! God that was so much fun. And to think, I would have never known that if I wasn’t Miranda…
And that’s when it started to get to me. I was getting too involved in being Miranda. I was forgetting that before all of this I was Lee. That beyond all of this, I still had friends and a mother, and I had my own dreams. Did I forget that my major goals were to go to collect my degree in environmental science and reunite with my own mother?
I wasn’t alone when I was practicing. The lights came on, and Merissa, my other mother, appeared.
“You looked incredible up there!” She cheered. “Why did you stop?”
I looked at her, and even with all these emotions piling up on me I replied, “I don’t know.”
Of course mothers seem to know when something is wrong. “You look depressed. Is there something you want to talk to me about?”
“It’s just…” I paused, “I feel like I’m gaining so much. And yet, I feel like I’m losing a lot as well. I’ve grown so accepting of being Miranda that I forgot that one time I was Lee. And I feel like I’m leaving him in the dust.”
“Hun,” she began, “Who you are now doesn’t change what you were before. I’m sure Miranda agrees deep down too.”
“So what do I do?” I asked.
“Do both,” she answered. We looked at each other, and soon I could realize she was starting to look a little down herself.
Continuing, she said. “I feel like I’m guilty.”
“Guilty?” I wondered. “Of what?”
“Of forgetting that underneath that body lie two souls,” she answered regrettably. “I’ve been so engaged with the one half I totally forgot that you were there too.”
“But it isn’t your fault,” I ensured her. “I was so willing to become Miranda I forgot my own dreams and feelings too.”
“Well, what were your dreams?” She asked.
“Well, I want to be an environmental scientist,” I told her, “before I was Miranda I was a fisherman, catching salmon and selling it on market. I never really enjoyed it. But growing up there, in the valleys and peaks of Fraser Valley, it was beautiful. And I want to keep it that way.”
“So you want to go to college?” She assumed.
“Yeah,” I answered. “William was willing to provide funding for that opportunity.”
“Then you’re all set!” She cried joyously. “We just need to find you a college now!”
“You’re willing to help me search?” I asked, a little stunned.
“Of course, you’re my daughter,” she claimed as she kissed me on my forehead. “And I want to get to know the other half of her.”
I smiled. “Thanks, Mom.”
One of the first things we did was change my name; well, more like adding to it. On my birth certificate was now the name “Miranda Leigh Rivers.” Leigh was homage to my former life, written in the feminine form. It would always remind me of who I was, and who I am even now.
With that we began to apply to colleges. In province, out of province, even across the border into Washington. I was hoping, praying for some results.
We finally were able to whittle it down to two colleges. Both accepted my application, now it was up to me to decide. With luck that Miranda was a very academically driven student, I was able to get into Simon Fraser. With its campus and how it looked overseeing the Burnaby Mountain Range, how could I say no?
Soon I would be out of this place and into my new dorm. The final few months gave me time to reflect on how far I’ve gotten.
Those thoughts were with me as I drifted into my dreams and catch up with the real Miranda, only at this I point I couldn’t imagine myself as the man I was, but instead I could only picture myself as her identical. I’ve fully embraced this life I was given, and I couldn’t have been happier.
“Looking good there, Leigh!” Miranda exclaimed. “Your new form suits you quite nicely.”
“Thank you,” I told her with much sincerity. “No, seriously, thank you. If it wasn’t for you, or your mother, and your selflessness, I would have never adapted to become what I am now. I’m proud that you’re forever a part of me.”
“I know,” she replied. And to be honest, I knew too. We were in complete synchronization with each other, two souls acting as one. But even then I felt like telling her in person would be a nice gesture.
“I see you two have connected quite nicely,” said a familiar voice. Intrigued we both turned to see a familiar face. It was that old man I met a long while back- back when I was in the car crash.
“I’m so glad that this turned out this way,” he stated. “It isn’t something that we’ve taken lightly. As much as it was a major experiment from the physical world, this was the first time something this unprecedented happened from our end as well. To surgically transplant a living brain into a body of a former host? Is was quite paradoxical.”
“Then why did you allow it?” I couldn’t help but ask.
“Because it would be a shame to see two perfectly gifted souls vanish without making their mark on the world,” he replied. “Believe it or not, the Universe takes no pride in witnessing the death of those so young. Everyone has purpose, and both of yours were left unfulfilled. That was the Universe’s gift to you- A second chance. All you had to do was take it.”
I, no, we didn’t think that we were so special. It was odd to believe that out of all the people living in the entire universe it would be us that gets another opportunity.
“So, you two,” he began. “How do you feel about all of this?”
“Well,” my mirror image, Miranda began, “I remember when we first met, how up in the clouds. And you told me that I could have that second chance, and that all I had to do was wait.” She proceeded to giggle a little bit. “I didn’t think that this was what you had in mind!”
“Neither did I!” I added.
“When I realized that I was sharing my body with someone, I was nervous at first,” she continued. “I appreciated the lengths my mother went to ensure I would be able to live again, but this other soul…would she embrace being me? Would she enjoy my company, or try to push me out entirely? When I realized that the soul that was with me was a man…well that didn’t make me feel any luckier.”
Then she perked up a bit, continuing her story. “But somehow I could feel him, and realize that he was a kind, gentle soul, and was just as confused and frightened as I was. I reached out to him, and I was so happy that he reached back! We knew that we were the only ones we truly had, and that if we wanted this second chance to happen then we had to work together.”
I began to add to her story, “She means everything to me now. She is my best friend, my mentor, and councilor. I love her so much, and I love I’m a part of her.”
“Thank you,” Miranda said to the old man, “I don’t know who or what you are, but thank you.”
“You’re both quite welcome,” he replied. “I suppose my work is done then, so I suppose I should leave you two in peace then." He warmly smiled. "Unlike me, I'm sure your work is far from finished.”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “And I think of one more thing I need to do.”
Merissa drove me out into the vast openness of the Fraser Valley. I was so happy to see the natural beauty of my homeland. Miranda couldn’t have agreed more.
However I could feel her nervousness about the manner. Obviously I’ve told her a lot about my mom, and how she was nice, caring, compassionate, and that regardless of what we’ve become, I was certain she’d still love us. The thought of having two mothers felt odd to the both of us, but I knew I had to do this. For all the things she’s done for me, I couldn’t just up and leave her like that. Much like the feelings I had for Miranda’s mom, I still loved my own.
We pulled up into the rocky driveway. She put the car in park, and I responded with a deep breath. This was a big moment, and no matter how hard I prepared I knew I could never escape the overall magnitude of this event.
“You okay, dear?” Merissa asked, noticing the butterflies in my stomach.
I gave out one last exhale. “Yeah, Mom,” I said as I wrapped her around my arms. Letting go I said, “It’s time to meet my other mom.”
As ready as I could get I hopped out of the car and began walking towards the front door. My life has gone full circle, and now there was nowhere to go but up.
Ithycca
Judgement day is coming, the supposed battle between good and evil at hand. The warlords of both Heaven and Hell will battle the final time, and the victory will determine the true rulers of all Earth. In the middle of it is the Human beings, ever naive of the situation and yet unbeknownst to them is choosing their side as we speak.
The New Testament however, is but a small, almost biased view of the world ahead.
Earth a long time ago was form by the basic elements of life, Earth, Air, Fire, and Water. Earth granted four spiritual essences, or Gods, dominion of these elements, and using their powers, created races to cultivate and improve their realms. The God of Earth created Humans, The God of Air Angels, and the God of Fire Djinni. The God of Earth, the favored god of the Planet, was the gatekeeper to the other realms. The Humans, weak as may seem, have the advantage to travel to the realms of Air (Heaven), Fire (Hell), and Water (Atlantis). The other realm's inhabitants could only travel to the Realm of Earth.
People have forgotten about the Legacy of the children of water, the Merfolk. A long time ago they ruled the oceans, providing barriers that prevented the Humans of Earth access to all of it's land. This forced the two races into war. The most memorable moment was the Deluge or Noah's Ark fame, sent forth by the Merfolk to eliminate the Humans.
Sadly, someone gave word of this to the humans, and survived. Seeing they were badly outnumbered, they had to find assistance. Luckily they had control of the gateway. For their assistance, the Angels and Djinn could have free passage into the realms of Earth, and do as they see fit. Now a part of the battle, the Merfolk had no chance, and were driven to extinction.
The Goddess of Water, Alora, felt a great pain as her children died. She removed a scale from her beautiful body, and dropped it into the oceans of Earth. One day, a special child, disguised as human, will find this scale, and with it she will be reborn: Ithycca, queen of the Merfolk.
A long time ago, the Earth blessed four spirits, making them gods. The gods of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, oversee their realms, creating sentient creatures to help cultivate their lands. These beings constantly war over each other, eventually driving the servants of Water, the Merfolk, to extinction. Millennia later Kyle Weathers receives a gift from an old but mysterious lady while working in Haiti. This gift will change his life forever.
Ithycca- Chapter 1
The Rebirth of a Princess
By AoifeM
It was a beautiful morning. The water was at spring tide, perfect for surfing, if I was proficient enough to do so.
Then again, why do I need to surf anyway?
The glow of the morning sun shined on my wet skin, reflecting off the scales of my tail like little miniature mirrors. I was alone on a rocky island shore. Sometimes you need time by yourself, and surround yourself in tranquility. Trust me, the world is too messed up, and if you have time to get away, it really helps clear your mind.
And from the whirlwind I’ve gone through these past few years, you need all the quiet time you can get.
My name is Ithycca. I am a Mermaid, and I have been living as one for over two years. It hasn’t been the easiest of transitions mind you. First off, I wasn’t born a black girl. My golden brown skin belies the fact I was once a pale white male living in America.
Strange, huh? Well, I suppose the world is just full of surprises, and it seems destiny wouldn't be denied.
Before becoming Ithycca I was Kyle Weathers, a 4.0 college student who was fluent in the French Language. 2 years ago a major catastrophe occurred as a major Earthquake hit the Caribbean island of Hispaniola. The Haitian city of Port au Prince was especially damaged, as homes crumbled, and the government didn’t have the resources capable to help the victims, and clean up the disaster.
Without hesitating I volunteered to help out. I was a relatively athletic individual; I can do a lot of heavy lifting, and if anyone needed to translate, I was as good as anybody. While my parents weren’t exactly thrilled they knew I was my own man. Plus the trip was being paid for by the UNDP anyway; there really wasn’t anything holding me back from going.
And so I arrived, bags packed, at JFK Airport in New York City. The lines were crowded, yet to me, it seemed a lot more people were arriving rather than departing. Standing in line I began to take off my shoes for inspection. The things you do to get a flight these days.
“Isn’t this awful?” A woman asked me with an English accent. Turning to her I saw a rather attractive blonde hair woman, perfectly proportioned. Her clothes outlined every curve from her body. She was a beauty.
“Welcome to America,” I said with a hint of cynicism to my voice, “I think we really make things sound worse than they really are.
“I agree,” She stated, “You’d probably have a better chance seeing a volcano erupt in Manhattan than another terrorist attack.”
We had a little chuckle at that, reminded me of a stupid sci-fi movie.
She put her bags onto the conveyor belt, then turned to me and introduced herself. “Elizabeth Yves,” she said.
“Kyle Weathers,” I replied, picking up my bags as they passed through the sensors, “You’re heading off to Haiti too I assume?”
With a slight smile she answered, “You assumed correctly. I had to take a flight here from London, and connect with this flight.”
“I see,” I said. “We’ll probably be working together quite a bit then.”
“I hope so,” Elizabeth continued. “It will be a long stay. It would be nice to have kindred spirits while we're here.”
Finished sliding on my shoes, I departed. “See you on the plane, Elizabeth.”
“Please, call me Eliza,” she insisted as I began to walk away.
I didn't really have the opportunity to converse with her during the flight. It was kind of a shame, but what can you do? It shouldn’t be too long to get to Port au Prince, plus I wouldn’t have jetlag, seeing we were still under the same time zone. Hopefully we’ll reconvene once we arrived.
The sun was beginning to set as we finally reached our destination. Having access to the window, I glanced outside and looked at the surroundings. It was utter devastation. Buildings in shambles, smoke and dust seemed to be fuming up into the atmosphere above. The shame of it all. Even the airport we were to land at was rather shaky, the pavement was shattered and cracked; you had to be careful where to touch down.
After the rough landing we grabbed our things and headed into the town. The checkpoint was rather lax, I suppose that in times like this there were more important things then security. Outside I found Eliza, bags and all, trying to grab a taxi, I walked over to say hello.
“Need any help with those bags?” I asked, trying to be as gentlemanly as possible.
“It looks as if you have plenty of bags to worry about as it is,” she stated.
“Where are you heading now?” I asked.
“I have a place to stay in a hotel downtown, paid for by my government,” she answered. I’m sure your country has similarly done the same thing.”
“Yeah,” I admitted. “It’s on the other side of town though.”
“That’s too bad,” she said. She took out a piece of paper and wrote down her phone number. Giving it to me, she instructed, “If you wish to chat, you can always call.”
Her taxi arrived and she set her things in the back seat. “Take care,” she replied, and she closed the door.
I smiled. This will be a rather interesting experience. If I only knew how interesting it would really be.
Two weeks had passed, and I was already into my routine, as a translator and as a street cleaner, mostly trying to clean up debris and rubble, keeping an eye on survivors and meaningful items. During my rounds I saw something that shocked me; it was a young child, about three or four, walking around aimlessly. I couldn’t just ignore the sight of it. I needed to help that child find his family.
Dropping what I was doing, I approach the child. Leaning down, I asked, “Ou est ta mama?”
Obviously a little scared of my presence, he still gave me an answer, “Je ne sais pas.”
He didn’t know where his mother was. I proceeded to pick up the boy and pulled him onto my shoulder. “Nous se trouverons,” I told him, and proceeded to find his mother.
I headed to a nearby neighborhood, hoping someone would be looking for this child. Most people were more focused salvaging what remained of their home and their property. If I was a parent with a missing child, I’d probably be in a frantic mess, freaking out trying to do what I can to find him. Walking around the dusty streets, I began to give up hope. Maybe the best thing I could do is take him back to camp and maybe get him some food for his stomach.
Before I made our way back, someone from beyond the shadows stopped me, “My child!” She cried in a thick accent.
The child recognized her, and I let him go as he ran straight to her arms, hugging her tight as she picked him up. Another reunited family, and a job well done.
“I truly appreciate you going to these lengths finding my child,” She claimed, “I feel like I must reward you.”
Being rather modest, I insisted, “You don’t need to reward me. I was just doing my job.”
Still, underneath her purple robe, she pulled out a shiny, glittering, green object, tied around a string made of hemp. “This is a scale that my family had kept around me for many generations. It is very valuable; it even changes colors from green to purple at night. Please take it.”
She immediately grabbed my hand and gave me her necklace. As soon as it touched my hand I felt a shock run up and down my body. What just happened?
Shaking off the strange feeling I continued, “I really don’t deserve this.”
She laughed, “Sure you do. I cannot think of anyone better to hold onto something so important.” She turned away, stating “I’m sure we will meet again. I’m sure it will be a very interesting reunion.” She walked back into the shadows, kid in tow. I felt uneasy about that last sentence. Maybe I was just paranoid.
Looking at the time, my shift was approaching its end. That was a good thing. Eliza and I had been seeing each other quite a bit, and we agreed to meet tonight for some drinks. I really needed to get a shower.
I made my way home. The thought of a shower almost sounded addicting. I didn’t know why I felt such an overbearing need to do so. It was like the only thing on my mind at this point. Standing naked I turned the faucet on and step into the tub. The feeling was so extraordinary, like nothing I had ever felt, and I’ve taken showers before. I couldn’t help myself as I plug the drain and began to lie down and drift off. Only when the tub began to overflow did I break my trance. I immediately shut off the water, and began to drain it. Seeing the mess I made, I hadn’t any time to clean it. I was to meet her in 15 minutes, and I spent too much time relaxing in the tub, for reasons unknown. Getting dressed as fast as I could I ran out the door.
I was lucky to get there on time, as I saw the stunningly beautiful Eliza, wearing an indigo dress. She went all out it seemed. I felt kind of embarrassed seeing I didn’t dress as well, time was of the essence after all.
I pull up her seat and she sat down, mojito in hand. She took a quick sip and we began talking.
“Long day?” She began.
“Kind of,” I replied. “I’m sorry I’m not dressed for the occasion.”
“It’s quite alright,” She insisted, “This really isn’t supposed to be a pleasure trip anyway. But people do sometimes need to kick back, relax a little. The place can leave a person feeling depressed.”
“I know what you mean,” I agreed. Looking around this place, it was better preserved than most. It was a tourist destination for the most part; they probably had more money put into the place. A few days cleaning out the debris and it was reopened for business. Of course, the décor was ruined, but for us, that wasn’t a major thing. We just needed a place to kick back.
Looking back at her I saw her staring at my necklace. “Where did you get that?” She queried, taking another sip of her drink.
I almost forgot I had it on the whole time. Even in the shower, I didn’t think of taking it off. “Some woman gave it to me for finding her child,” I answered. “She was rather insistent of me having it.”
“That looks rather valuable, I’m surprised you didn’t give it back to her.” Well, thanks for the guilt trip.
“She left before I had the chance,” I half-lied. Yes, she took off before I had any say in the matter. However, something in me wanted this. I couldn’t seem to convince myself of giving it back, no matter how selfish it made me. I almost felt like without it, I was naked.
“I see,” She continued, “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad.”
“It’s ok, you didn’t,” I said. Changing the subject, I called for the waiter, “Garçon! One of your best bottles of rum s’il vous plait!” Eliza couldn’t help but giggle at my attempt at being sophisticated.
So we continued to chat for the night, drinking to the point of being buzzed. When the night was over I was ready to walk on home, but as I got up from my seat I felt dizzy and woozy.
Balancing myself I heard a worried Eliza ask, “Are you ok?”
“I think so,” I replied, confused. “Weird, I didn’t think I had that much to drink.”
Wrapping my arm around her shoulder, she said, “Come on. I’ll help you back to your hotel.”
Slightly embarrassed, I thanked her for the opportunity. But oddly other than the disoriented feeling standing up I felt fine. With her holding me for support, we made it back to my place. Opening my door for me she dragged me to my bed and laid me down.
“You’re rather heavy,” Eliza joked.
“Gee, thanks,” I replied, feeling a little better now I was on my bed.
“Are you going to be ok?” She asked.
“I think so,” I answered. After all it probably was just me drinking too much and I would be fine by morning.
“Alright.” She began to walk to the door. “I’ll check on you in the morning. Good night.”
She left, leaving me to my own devices. I must have looked like a fool. Oh well. Can’t change what’s passed.
Looking over I reached for my blanket and wrapped it around me. It felt good to be home. For some reason, I felt a lot more tired than usual. It didn’t take me long to pass out.
I had a dream that night. I imagined being underwater, underneath the most blue of waters. The feelings I had as it ran through my hair. I was in a cove, decorated in ornate seashells. In this cover there was a mirror. I swam over to a mirror made from the face of a clam. Looking through my vanity I saw a woman, I saw myself, wearing a brassiere made of clam shells, and jewelry such as a pearl necklaces, beautiful gold bracelets, rings, pearl earrings, and on my head, a beautiful golden tiara with a ruby in the center. My body looked so beautiful; the golden brown skin, the curvaceous hips, and my beautiful green tail, covered in scales which reminded me of the necklace I received from that lady.
Suddenly I was being escorted by two mermen. They must’ve been my guardians. I swam down the hallways and outside. I was greeted by a crowd of millions or merfolk, cheering at the very sight of my presence.
“Long live the daughter of Goddess Alora! Long live our princess!”
And with a cheer they praised me, the princess of the Merfolk.
I woke up the next day, feeling wonderful. I stretched out. I never felt so good in a long while. I wanted to up from my bed and start the day.
That’s when I first realized my life wasn’t going to be the same again.
I wanted to move my legs. Yet my brain wasn’t conforming to my commands. I opened my eyes, in fear. Could I be paralyzed?
That thought was thrown out the window as a I saw a pair of round orbs impeding my sight. I…had boobs!
I was freaking out, my hands were small and slender, my body, at least from what I saw, was just as petite. Speechless, I tumbled out of bed and fell on the floor. That’s when I saw it.
That’s when I saw my tail. My mermaid tail. I became the girl in my dreams. Without thinking, I let out a scream, loud and obviously feminine in nature.
I didn’t even realize that Eliza was just outside the door, about to check up on me. That scream obviously got her attention. “Kyle?” She called to me from behind the door. I declined to answer, because one my voice was altered, and two because I didn’t want her to see me like this. But my screech gave Eliza precedence to worry. She quickly swung open the door, seeing me, the newly minted Mermaid on the floor. She stopped, almost as shocked as I was.
“…Eliza,” I began as I tried to regain my composure, “It’s me, Kyle. I think I’m going to need your help.”
A long time ago, the Earth blessed four spirits, making them gods. The gods of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, oversee their realms, creating sentient creatures to help cultivate their lands. These beings constantly war over each other, eventually driving the servants of Water, the Merfolk, to extinction. Millennia later Kyle Weathers receives a gift from an old and mysterious lady while working in Haiti. This gift will change his life forever.
Ithycca
Chapter 2- The End and a New Beginning
By AoifeM
My oversized shirt drooped over my tiny little body, the collar hanging off of my shoulder. I must have lost a good five to six inches of height, and over 150 pounds of muscle mass. Not too long ago my shirt would have fit like a charm. Now the only thing that kept it from falling off me completely was my breasts, which I didn’t even have until this very morning.
My pants weren’t so lucky. They were ripped to shreds, the result of my new fish like tail. Lying here I felt as hopeless as a newborn child. With my miniscule arms, I couldn’t even drag myself from off the floor.
And meanwhile, there was my friend, Eliza, looking at me like I’m a fairy tale come to life. In my mind I wished that this was like something from that movie Inception, that this was just a dream, in a dream.
And that dream I had last night didn’t feel like a dream either. It felt more like something within me unlocked and all these vaguely familiar memories came flooding back into me. Why was that? What did this all mean?
Finally, Eliza broke the silence. “This can’t be real,” she said, struggling to grasp the reality of the situation.
Still getting used to my high pitched voice I countered, “It’s way real.” Still attempting to climb back up to my bed I finally gave up. Turning to her in defeat I pleaded to her, “Could you help me up on my bed?”
Seeing I was now lighter and most likely weaker than Eliza she easily picked me up, her hand touching my scaly tail as she lifted, and place me on my mattress.
“That felt rather awkward,” She explained, “You tail is kind of slippery, if that’s the proper word. I hope I didn’t touch anything inappropriate.”
“I don’t think you did,” I replied, browsing my backside. I didn’t know where on my new body my gastrointestinal tract ended. Furthermore I didn’t even know where my reproductive organs were, and to be honest, I’d rather never know. Confirming I had a fish uterus would only destroy what little hope I still had that I was male, even though the evidence was already piling up against me.
As I continued staring at my tail I had an epiphany, and I was surprised I didn’t think of it earlier. Reaching into my oversized shirt I pulled out my necklace. Oddly enough, the scale had lost all of its brilliant hue; it now resembled a dull, clear piece of glass. Touching the scale caused it to disintegrate; nothing but particles remained, confirming the truth: that necklace made me into this.
Suddenly I felt like something was beginning to burn me from the inside. At first it was more like an inconvenience, but as time went on the heat within me rose. My throat felt parched, and my tail, which I wasn’t familiar with in any biological matter, felt brittle and rough to the touch. By the time I realized something was wrong I felt I was being baked in an oven. Panting, I instinctively began to flop around on my bed, violently flailing my tail, holding on for dear life.
Frighten, Eliza yelled, "What's wrong?"
“I need water!” I screamed, frightened to death of my predicament. “Get me to the Tub!”
Seeing that my life was on the line Eliza picked me back up and hauled me into the tub. The faucet immediately was turned on, and the shower quickly allowed the heat to subside. Plugging the bathtub I subconsciously submerged myself as the water rushed over my face. I didn’t even notice anything peculiar until Eliza pointed it out.
“My God,” She exclaimed. “Your neck- You can breathe underwater.”
I gently grazed my neck and felt tiny, sensitive slits on both sides of my throat. You would even notice unless I was underwater. I sure didn’t realize it until now, and neither did Eliza.
Freaking out, I rose swiftly, splashing water all over the place as I tried to balance myself. I found out that sitting would be a difficult task when you have no butt. “Is there any other surprises?!” I exclaimed, obviously about to break down from the overwhelming feeling of it all.
About to go all teary-eyed, Eliza witnessed my frustration and began to embrace me in a hug. I let everything go. What’s the point of fighting it? I was scared, confused, and unable to comprehend anything that happened to me. I was at least thankful that Eliza was there, supporting me.
Minutes passed and my composure slowly regained. Eliza kept an eye on me. I wasn’t hurt by her staring, however. I mean, how often could anyone truly say they have seen a mermaid?
My thoughts obviously were on more important things: how to return to normal, for one thing. Watching the scale of my necklace dissolve pretty much gave me all the proof I need. That was what turned me into this. And who gave me it? That strange lady, who rewarded it to me after I brought back her child. Put two and two together, and it’s obvious where I need to go next.
“That lady,” I said, “Eliza we need to find that lady who gave me that necklace!”
“How will we do that?” She asked. I really didn’t know either, seeing I’m not in the mobile of forms.
“You can carry me to your car!” I answered. “I can direct you to where I met her last!”
The plan set in motion she immediately got up, leaving me in the tub.
Wondering what she was doing I replied, “You can’t leave me here! I’m kind of important you know?”
Turning back to me she replied, “I’ll be back in a bit. I’m sorry but I don’t think you could go out in that!” Then she teased, “By the way, your nipples are showing.”
Looking down I saw my nipples, erect and showing through my gigantic shirt. Embarrassed, I immediately tried to hide it. Why did she have to remind me?
Giggling, she closed the door behind me. I almost think she’s enjoying this.
...Why me?
Impatiently, I waited. She really hasn’t been gone long, but that was beside the point. One more minute in this body was one minute too much. I wanted to return to being a human as soon as possible. At this point the only thing I’d get by staying a mermaid was a feeling of helplessness.
She arrived carrying with her an oversized beach towel. “This should help cover your tail. I don’t think people will notice.”
“Good thinking,” I commended. As she laid the towel on the floor I saw another piece a fabric in her hand; something I wasn’t about to put on.
“Oh, no,” I began, “I am so not wearing that.”
That, as I so eloquently referred to it as, was a top half of a two piece bikini. I may be a woman, but I’ll be damned if I’ll dress like one!
“Well, what else are you going to wear, Kyle?” She questioned, “All of your clothes are too big now, and I don’t think the locals will appreciate some well endowed woman flaunting her stuff all over the place. Well, at least the female half won’t!”
Sighing, I whined, “Couldn’t you have just grabbed a shirt or something?”
“Well, I figured this was proper,” she explained, “If you needed to find a place of water to soak in or something, I’d rather not have my wardrobe getting wet.”
“You’re worried about your wardrobe at a time like this?” I complained.
Shrugging me off she continued, “Take off your shirt so I can put this on.”
I was kind of uncomfortable about showing off my new jugs. I don’t know how she could be so nonchalant about it.
“Oh come off of it!” she cried, “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before.”
Dejectedly I relented, pulling off my shirt and swallowing my pride, allowing her do her thing. Oddly enough the maneuvering of my breasts as she adjusted the top felt good. I had to bite my tongue to keep from gasping. Like my tail, it seemed these things would take time to get used to. Maybe even more time.
Finished, she just had to comment. “Looks like you’re just my size.”
“Great,” I replied cynically as the sensitivity from my breasts started to fade.
Draining the water she carried me up from the tub and onto the bathroom floor. Try as I might, I still wasn’t capable of sitting as I fell on my stomach. I was the proverbial fish out of water.
Flipping myself over Eliza helped me cover my tail with her gigantic beach towel. Indeed it was good enough to hide my fish-like extremities, which was a load off my mind. With everything taken care of it was time to make way toward her truck.
“Are you ready?” She asked.
“Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess,” I replied half-heartedly.
Picking me up I still couldn’t help but feel demoralized at how easy she could pick me up. It should be me picking her up, not the other way around!
We made our way downstairs, with me helping as much as I can by opening the doors and pressing the elevator buttons for her. Reaching the lobby, her truck was waiting out front. We made it outside; apparently no one was suspicious that some weird unknown girl was about being carried out by a British aid worker. Maybe they thought I was someone’s date for the night?
...That thought immediately made me cringe.
Opening the passenger door, Eliza gently slid me inside. Balancing myself with the armrest, I could tell that sitting on my tail like this was going to be stressful. I blocked my mind from the pain though. I couldn’t let that get in the way of finding that lady.
Shutting the door, Eliza started up the ignition. Let the searching commence!
With a decent photographic memory I led Eliza to the apartment complex where I met with the lady earlier. The slums were busy; people were cleaning up, trading, doing business, and salvaging items much like before. Still even with all the activity that lady wasn’t to be found.
Seeing we were getting nowhere just driving around, she slowed to a stop. Turning to me she asked, “You’re sure this is the place?”
“I know it is,” I reassured her, not too happy she would second guess me like that.
She shut off her engine and told me, “I’m going to ask around. She has a kid, correct? That should make finding her a little easier. Stay here and wait for me.”
Rolling my eyes like some immature little brat, I vilely replied, “Yeah, like I can just mosey out and leave here.”
Apparently unfazed by my snarky behavior, she shut the door and began to investigate. Maybe I was acting a little bitchy. But seeing how I’m starting to label my attitude “bitchy,” it only made it even worse. I really want to get back to normal, and I'd rather do it soon, because I’m starting to feel like this is effecting my head.
A few minutes passed. The sun was directly hitting me, and although I haven't been sitting here very long, the bright yellow orb was turning the car into an oven. Considering I was creature who needed to be moist and hydrated at all times, I could see how sitting in a car for any length of time would pose a threat to my health. however, I don't think either Eliza or I could have imagined that I could be dehydrated this quickly!
Starting to breathe heavy, it was getting hard for me to focus. I needed water…Eliza, hurry up!
I was drifting in and out of consciousness. Before I faded into black I heard the passenger door open, and a voice speaking.
“You be lookin' rather thirsty,” She said almost jokingly.
I opened my eyes. I was alive, somehow. But what happened?
Coming to, I tried to recollect what happened. Eliza left to investigate, leaving me in the car. Neither of us knew how harmful it would be staying in a hot car, so I couldn't fault her. I've been a mermaid for a few hours and I'm still subconsciously thinking I can endure things as if I was still human. I found out the hard way; sitting in a hot car for even a short period of time would be no big deal for a human, it proved nearly fatal for me.
Putting these thoughts aside, I decided to look around and see where I was. Almost immediately I realized I was underwater. All around me were fish of different colors and sizes. Looking down I spotted the kelp. Upon touching it, I realized it was fake.
Staring out in front of me, I was greeted by a barrier of glass. This glass seemed to cover every corner: front and back, side to side, and top to bottom. Trapped as if I was buried in a coffin, I tried frantically to break out, but with little room I hand't any momentum to shatter this glass. Beyond the glass seemed like a family room. And in that family room was that mysterious lady; the one one who put me into this mess. She was having a heart to heart conversation with her child.
Obviously that came to an end with my ceaseless squirming. With all the ruckus I was causing she knew I was awake and around.
“You run along now,” she chided to her son, “And don’t you be runnin’ off like ya' did before! I needn’t be greeted by some other generous stranger.” Obviously that was a jab at me. And trust me; if I had another opportunity, I would have taken him to child services, you witch!
“I know you can hear me,” She stated, obviously directing that to me. “And I’m not a witch, at least, not in a derogatory sense.”
Okay, now I was freaked out. Did she just read my mind?
“Well, how else would I be able to communicate wit’ ya?” She questioned. "It be kinda hard for you talkin' in the water like that." Yep, she was reading my mind.
“Oh, I must apologize for havin’ you cooped up in my aquarium like that,” she said. Not much choice seeing you were graspin’ for dear life.”
Well, that answered that question.
“Bein’ I saved your life, would you be so kind to allow me to talk?” She suggested. “I’m sure it be of great interest to hear what I have to say.”
Well, I’m kind of trapped here, I thought. I might as well hear her out.
She smiled. “Thank you sweet child. Allow me to introduce m’self. I am Gaia, the Goddess of the Earth.”
A long time ago, the Earth blessed four spirits, making them gods. The gods of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, oversee their realms, creating sentient creatures to help cultivate their lands. These beings constantly fought each other for supremacy, eventually driving the servants of Water, the Merfolk, to extinction. Millennia later Kyle Weathers receives a gift from an old and mysterious lady while working in Haiti. This gift will change his life forever.
Ithycca
Chapter 3- Good Ol’ Auntie Gaia
By AoifeM
What should’ve have taken a least a few men to remove me from my watery prison only took a snap of her fingers for Gaia. In a flash I was transported from her aquarium and onto her couch, already draped in towels as if she was predicting my eventual arrival.
Twisting around a little bit to get comfortable, she warned me, “Now, don’t you go fidgetin’ ‘round like that. You get my floors wet, and I needn’t the time to mop after ya!”
Honestly I wish she wouldn’t act so carefree. She might be enjoying this but to me being half fish is a serious issue!
“You know,” she began as she walked to her kitchen and opened her refrigerator, “A long time ago mermaids would come and go and you wouldn’t think twice ‘bout it.” Grabbing what seemed to be a premade sandwich wrapped in saran wrap she shut the door and came back into the room.
Handing the sandwich to me she digressed, “I prepared this for you ahead of time. I got few supplies since the quake, but I just know how you folk like tuna.”
While I was staring at her offer, she barked, “What you be staring at? Go on, and eat! You be a mermaid only a day now! You be weak from the change, regain your strength, child!”
I held back long enough. I'm tired of being reminded of what I'd become. I needed answers, not a poorly constructed sandwich! Like a volcano I erupted. “Why did you change me in the first place!?” I yelled demanding my right to an explanation.
“What make you think I change you?” she replied. “What made you think you weren’t already this way?”
“What do you mean I was already this way?” I cried, wondering just exactly what she was trying to get at. I thought the whole “wise and powerful being answering questions with vague and non-descript answers shtick” was something that was shown in movies…or during presidential campaigns. I really don’t have time for this.
She reiterated, “Maybe your entire life was just a guise, leadin’ you to this very moment. The moment you broke from your cocoon and became what you are right now. Tis destiny, my dear.”
I didn’t want to hear it. 22 years of my life, living on this earth, and none of my choices, my decisions, mattered? Bullshit. “I don’t believe you,” I defiantly remarked.
She slowly paced around the room, eyeing me. “This form was always there, hiding. The athleticism, the intelligence, the charisma; where did you think all that talent came from?” Coming to a dead stop, she responded, “Because you had over ten thousand years of memories retained in you!”
It was true I was gifted in many skills, and maybe I did have it easier than others. But many people could pick up things faster than others. She still didn’t convince me.
“I suppose I need to prove it to you, yes?” She assumed. “Very well child, tell me, what be your name?”
What kind of question was that? I knew it like that back of my hand! Triumphantly I replied, “Ithycca!”
My smug look turned into utter shock. Ithycca? What? Who the hell was Ithycca? I was Ithycca. But that isn’t right. I’m Kyle Weathers.
Grinning, she revealed to me, “I proved me point. Subconsciously you blurt out the name you be now. You’d hafta take the time to even remember you be once Kyle Weathers”
I was shocked. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t want to think! I didn’t want to know this “Ithycca,” or whatever was inside of me. I wanted to return to my old self, and by old self, I meant Kyle.
Unfortunately she told me everything regardless, “You are Princess Ithycca of Atlantis. You are the Daughter of the Goddess of Water, my sister, Alora. You were her finest daughter.”
The thoughts came back to me. The visions I had in my sleep, in front of thousands of merfolk, chanting out my name and my title as daughter of a God.
“Ten thousand years ago a major war occurred between the major elements. The beings of water, air, fire, and yes, these humans of earth, battled for the very thing I possess- The planet’s favor and the gateway. The gate is the way of entry between all realms on the planet. The result of this war was the complete annihilation of the merfolk race.”
All this, lost to the sands of time, I thought to myself. It’s surprising how much humankind really can’t remember.
“Alora, realizing this, had set up a precautionary measure. She tore a scale from her very fin, and sent it to Earth. One day, the reincarnation of her beloved daughter, would find this scale, and be reborn again.”
“And apparently, that was me,” I said, finally admitting to myself that this was too complex to be an old-wives tale. “But I don’t get it. Why would you willingly allow me possession of such a thing? Wasn’t my kind enemies with you?”
She sighed, and with exasperated breath, answered. “I do the planet’s will. It be not my place to hate, even if others wish me harm.”
Taking the high road I see.
She continued, “All I know is that your being here is of great import. Somethin’ real big be comin’ soon. ”
Like that answer really cleared up anything.
“Look, my dear,” She solemnly said. “What Alora did, and what I allowed, be unnatural. You live, you die, get reborn and move on; from each life absorbing new experiences and behaviors, without retaining the memories of your pasts. I would not be bringing you back if the planet hadn’t be wishin’ it. But it be what it be.”
“And what makes you think the planet wished for this?” I asked. Honestly I don’t know why something so omnipotent would need a little thing like me.
“Look around here,” she stated, “do you think this quake be natural? It was crying, begging, pleading for help. And I fear it will continue. The planet can sense the feelings of all beings. That means it can sense their intentions just as much. And if there’s an overwhelming feeling of anger and resentment…I fear it might be a repeat of 10,000 years ago.”
“But, I’m not a superhero!” I cried, “I’m just a plain guy!”
“Ithycca,” she sternly countered, using my new name for added emphasis, “I have existed for many of eons. I’ve created what you be seein’ here. I created human life. Soon after, I began interacting with them, going so far as to live as one. I had loved, been loved, and have punished much the same. I experienced everything one could. I even bore children- two of which be growing up right here now under me watchful eye. I heed the calls of the planet, not because of my position as Goddess, but because I care about me people, and me children. I refuse to let anything happen to them.”
Sad thing was Gaia’s feelings were resonating with me. The thought of someone’s children dying before they even had a chance to grow up would be depressing. My thoughts drifted deeper. What if they were my children? What if they couldn’t have the opportunity to grow up?
…Great, I thought, quickly trouncing the subject. If these feelings were my maternal instincts, then she’s really doing a good job bringing them out.
Fortunately, she ended her little chat, and like a flip of a switch, she returned to scolding me. “That sandwich be going bad, dear. Maybe you mermaids adore that smell, but I’d rather not be smellin’ that odor all over me house!” With that she turned and walk off, most likely giving me time to absorb all she told me.
Geez, lady, don’t need to be bitching at every little detail.
Reading my thoughts she yelled back, “Don’t be acting like you own the place! And it’s Gaia, or Auntie Gaia to you!”
Man, this will be one complicated relationship.
Turning back to my tuna sandwich, I began to unwrap it. Not able to recognize any stench, I brought my nose to it and gave it a quick smell. What stench? That didn’t smell all that bad. As in fact, it smelled pretty damn good! Smelling it again, I almost couldn’t help but drool. Not waiting any longer, in a most unladylike manner I started to scarf the thing down. It was bliss. Guess I know what I’m eating for the foreseeable future.
Laying back I still had a hard time believing in such an extraordinary story. I, Kyle Weathers, was just a vessel, reincarnated and predestined to be reborn as my former incarnation, Ithycca, and slowly her memories are returning to me.
But what’s the point of all this? Even if at some point I was this…girl, it’s been ten thousand years! You can’t just change someone’s gender, or species, for that matter, and think I’ll just go about my business like it isn’t any major deal. And what exactly does Ithycca have that I don’t? As far as I could tell, Kyle was stronger, just as intelligent, and oh yeah, he could actually walk. And it’s not like humans hadn’t advanced these past ten thousand years. Scuba gear, submersibles, hell even robotic drones could easily accomplish anything this body could!
To me, this tail was more a hindrance than anything. Since last night I’ve gotten somewhat used to my new body. With a better grasp of my motor skills, I began to move my tail in a slithery S like motion. It was strange, like every muscle of my tail could move in any way, with no joints locking them in place. It was obviously a lot more flexible than any pair of legs a human could possess. If I wanted to, I could touch the top of my cranium with the fin of my tail, either by bending it forward covering my face, or backwards behind my head.
There was another realization I immediately noticed. It seemed that my tail changed color too. When I first saw my tail, it was a fluoride green color. Now, it had an amethyst like hue. It must’ve been similar to the scale Gaia gave me; my tail changed colors at night.
All these new observations, while interesting, were proving to be way too much for me to handle. My new body and its history- we talked for a good while and yet I didn’t even accomplish what I set out to do. I wanted my human body back.
Gaia returned, apparently from putting her children to bed. I took the opportunity and grabbed her attention.
“Look, if by helping you or the planet out or whatever, can you change me back?” I asked, finally getting to the crux of the issue.
“Child, I can’t change you back,” she stated. “It be beyond my power. Only the planet can make such decisions. But I’m sure that by helping it you be currying it to your favor.”
Fine, so be the planet’s slave, get to be Kyle again. At least I felt I had a chance.
“Fine,” I reluctantly decided, “What is it I have to do?”
Her sullen face now sported a mischievous grin. Whatever what about to happen it wasn’t going to be good.
Her eyes shined a pure white as she raised her hand towards the ceiling. Some sort of vortex sprung forth as electricity came crashing down like lightning.
Scared to holy hell, I cried, “What the hell are you doing!?”
“It be worthless sticking around here lyin’ about like a sack of potatoes!” She explained.
“Better be you in an environment more suitable!”
“Wha-?”
I couldn’t even finish my sentence. With a flash the room disappeared and my vision became black, clueless of where I was heading next.
A long time ago, the Earth blessed four spirits, making them gods. The gods of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, oversee their realms, creating sentient creatures to help cultivate their lands. These beings constantly fought each other for supremacy, eventually driving the servants of Water, the Merfolk, to extinction. Millennia later Kyle Weathers receives a gift from an old and mysterious lady while working in Haiti. This gift will change his life forever.
Ithycca
Chapter 4: Legs?
by AoifeM
The flash of light must have knocked me out for a few hours. The first thing I felt was the water filtering in and out through my gills- a feeling that still was new and unusual to me. Opening my eyes all I saw was black. The salty taste rolling off my tongue made it evident that Gaia sent me to the ocean.
The immediate realization sent me into a frenzied panic. There really isn’t anything more frightening than being in an unfamiliar place, all alone and in complete darkness. I wanted to scream, but all that accomplished was me coughing up access water in a rather violent manner, sending bubbles upward towards the surface. Seems Gaia was right, merfolk can’t simply communicate like a human can.
That still didn’t keep me from flailing around, worried. My tail was swinging around aimlessly, and I was blind as a bat. I had never been in the ocean before, let alone like this.
Clueless of what to do, and the adrenaline getting to me, I fell into instinctive drift, and not thinking, suddenly I witness a glow surround me. Surprised, my cognizance slowly began to return to me. Looking down I witnessed my tail glowing with faint, lavender light, illuminating the area around me. It didn’t last long, however, and soon enough everything went dark again.
This perplexed me. Could my tail have some form of bioluminescence? Witnessing my new ability, my thoughts were immediately directed to recreating it. That was easier said than done. It’s like an infant struggling to stand up for any period of time. I almost worried if I tried too hard I might fart or something! Not that anyone was around, but I can’t help but be a little self conscious about it.
I quickly became frustrated over the prospect. Ironically when I decided to give up my tail thought it funny to light up once more. This time the light illuminated a wider area. It seemed to be more of a reflexive action; the more relaxed I felt the easier it was to use it.
Spending a good amount of time playing around with it, eventually I got a good feel how to get my tail to light. It wasn’t a permanent light, but more like a firefly, I had to keep lighting it on occasion. Eventually it would become a routine habit when swimming leagues deep.
This led me to my next problem. For the brief period I’ve been a mermaid, the most water I’ve been into was my bathtub and Gaia’s aquarium. That gave me little room to actually learn how to swim. Now I’m out in the middle of nowhere, and I didn’t even know if this ocean ever had an end. Luckily, being able to breathe underwater gave me as much time as need to really get used to this.
I tried to think back to my old biology lessons. I remembered old videos of different types of fish: sharks, trout, tuna. My tail was oddly different from many of them. Most fish like species swim by moving their tails laterally from left to right. Mine was flexible enough to move left to right, and up and down in a paddle form. I couldn’t bend it like I could legs since my tail didn't have any joints, but instead a group of muscles I eventually learned are called myomeres. It was so flexible it could move with the currents, twisting and turning, I could easily turn on a dime.
It didn’t take much thought as my tail began to paddle, and I immediately was surprised how fast I traveled, and I hardly expended any energy. As a human, going this fast would easily wear them down, if they could swim that fast at all. I, however, felt like I could go even faster.
Deciding to swim in a more fish like undulatory motion, I moved my tail side to side, and picked up the speed. I easily flew like a bullet across the basins and the ravines. Swimming at top speed I felt like a torpedo. I forgot my worries, and I beginning to enjoy myself and my new body. The exhilaration I felt as the water jetted across my body. I went so far as to antagonize a group of two to three tiger sharks with my glowing tail, and even then I could out swim them. I never felt so alive. In my mind, I was the queen of these waters, a nothing could stop me.
Still all good things had to come to an end. I had to find shore, and hopefully find out where I was. Reaching the surface, I was greeted to a full moon and starry night; the moon light reflecting my wet bosom, still covered in Eliza’s swim top. I really needed to find her; she must’ve been worried sick.
Looking around at the surface however there was no sign of shore anywhere. At least I had a fair idea which way was north. I’d feared that swimming the opposite direction I’d be in South America. So deciding to swim away from the moon, I went that way.
It seemed to be the right the decision. Swimming near the surface at inhuman speeds, sure enough I spotted land. By the time I reached shore, the sun was creeping up. Reaching the beach my tail became a handicap. Using my delicate arms, I struggled to climb up to the shore. Seeing a nearby rock, I dragged my hapless body over and using it as balance since I hadn’t a butt to sit with; I leaned my back over it and rested. Land was definitely my weakness.
Obviously thinking ahead wasn’t my greatest of strengths either. I was on land, and with a little investigation I could probably figure out where I would up at. Unfortunately, I would have a hard time doing anything if I couldn’t move.
“I’m so proud of you girl,” I overheard. The Creole voice awfully familiar.
Looking up I saw the person who got me caught up in this mess in the first place. It was Gaia.
“What the hell? Where did you send me? Why would you do that to me?” I was obviously extremely irritated as I rapidly fired questions at her without breaking for breath.
“How else would you learn?” She said. “You’re a mermaid, you’ll hafta get used to swimmin’ great lengths. And you did a fantastic job by the way. Just like a real Little Mermaid.”
Getting compared to Ariel wasn't going to earn her any brownie points. Sarcastically I quipped, “Gee, thanks auntie.” I followed by flapping my tail, pulling the sand off my fin.”
“Well, I suppose I should reward you for your puttin’ up with me dear,” she proposed. And with a wave of her finger and a flash of light my fin was gone, replaced by a pair of silky smooth human legs.
Shocked I jumped up, my feet instinctively landed on the ground like I hadn’t lost them. “W-what did you do?!” I exclaimed, both freaked out and intrigued at the same time.
“It seemed like you be needin’ assistance moving about,” she replied. She threw me a towel. “You might want to cover up, ya clam be showin’, it not very lady like.”
Looking down I didn’t even realize that my crotch was showing. Embarrassed I quickly grabbed her towel and wrapped it around me.
With my face being as red as a copper skinned woman could get, Gaia decided to move on to a different topic, “Come. Let’s be headin’ to my place.”
“You’re place?” I restated. “Just how many places do you have?”
Laughing she answered, “I’m the God of Earth dear. I tend to get along plenty fine, living as long as I have.” Motioning me over she reiterated, “Come now.”
Shaking out the kinks of my new legs, I followed her. It really took awhile to get my center of gravity back. I had been a mermaid for over 24 hours, plus when I did have legs I didn’t have the curvaceous features I did now. As we walked the streets we continued our conversation.
“So,” I began, “Where are we exactly?”
“This be Key West,” She answered, shocking me, “I figured you might need a better place to relax, and maybe get used to your new self without all the problems.”
“Well maybe I was fine being in Haiti,” I stated, not very thrilled.
“Nuthin’ be sayin’ you can’t just swim back, dear,” she stated. “You got the capability.”
“I hope Eliza is ok,” I said with my head hung down.
“She be ok,” Gaia assured me, “When the time comes you can check up on her.”
She led me to a small, yet cozy beachfront house. Turning to me she invited me in, “Well what you be standin’ there for? Come in!”
I walked in. This was a quaint place, something back when I was Kyle I would love to have bought. It had a bar, with plenty of alcohol, fruit drinks and other beverages. The family room had a big screen television surrounded by leather furniture. Further in the back was a patio which oversaw the beach and ocean further on.
She led me to the bedroom, which was luxurious to say the least. It had its own aquarium. The teal covered walls gave it an oceanic flair. The bed had a water bed mattress; it would probably feel awesome in either mermaid or human form. Behind the headboard was a rocky wall, a man made waterfall gently flows from the wall to the bottom below. The sounds and sights could put anyone to sleep like a stone.
She offered me to sit down on her bed, and I happily obliged. Plopping down, I took the time to further interrogate her. I had many questions for her; the first question I truly wanted to know might be the hardest one for her to answer.
“What was my Mother like?” I asked her.
She sighed, obviously trying to come up with the words to answer me, “Your mother, Alora, was an eccentric being. We weren’t the closest of siblings. Then again, none of my siblings were. I’m sure as more of your memories return to you’ll understand her more.”
“So why couldn’t you two get along?” I couldn’t help but wonder.
“That’s just the way of the world.” She answered, “I was chosen to hold the gate of this world. Heaven, Hell, and even your world of Atlantis; all worlds meet here. Earth. My siblings are not the most appreciative of this fact.”
“My mom included?” I interrupted
She nodded, “I tell you this not because I wish for you to hate her. What you do be your own right. She obviously loved you enough to restore your existence. Whatever else you be needin’ to know you hafta find yourself.”
She began to walk out wondering where she was planning on going. She turned back to me, and said, “This place be your place now. Call it a gift from your loving aunt. Do what you will here. The legs are yours as well. It be a glamour, just think it and bam, you be human again. It be like magic. Can’t be a man no more though.”
Looking at my luck, I guess I should thank God for small blessings.
“And don’t think because you look human that you can go ‘round not havin’ to worry ‘bout ya mermaid biology!” She implored me, “You still need to maintain hydration at regular intervals, which means you need to be out and swimmin’, ya?”
“Hold up-!” I cried, though those words were unheeded and with a flash of light she vanished.
“Great,” I said cynically. I really hate when she does that. Here I was, alone, in a house given to me by someone I only just begun to know. And what’s worse, I was here wearing nothing more but the top half of a two piece bikini swimsuit and a towel around my waist, covering the more intimate parts of my female anatomy.
Walking to the bathroom, I took the opportunity to look at myself through the mirror for the very first time. Sure, I was human again, but the whole female thing still proved to be annoying. I spent 22 years of my life as a man. I steeled myself for what I was about to witness. Slowly I stepped in front of the mirror and gazed upon my whole, female self. I was mesmerized by every little detail of my face: the light brown skin, the cute face, the light brown hair, the petite little nose, the emerald eyes and succulent red lips. This proved too much for me to behold, and quickly turned my head away.
And the worst part was that feeling that my entire life as a man was a lie, that all the achievements I had, like my amazing intelligence, my athletic abilities, and my outgoing nature, was all just because I was really a mermaid, locked inside the body of Kyle Weathers, just waiting to get out.
Finding a robe on the bathroom door hanger, I decided maybe it was best if I covered up a little. Surprisingly it was just my size. It wasn’t a bad feeling as the microfibers seemed to massage my smooth, sensitive skin.
Walking back into the bedroom, I saw the sun peaking over my window. I pulled down the shades and plopped down onto my waterbed. It felt fantastic how the movement of the mattress rippled across my body. It felt so similar to that when I was a mermaid swimming just hours earlier. I suppose I can wait a little longer to reconvene with Eliza. I was obviously tired; it seems like swimming across the Gulf of Mexico takes a lot out of you. It didn’t take more than a few minutes before I passed out.
A long time ago, the Earth blessed four spirits, making them gods. The gods of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, oversee their realms, creating sentient creatures to help cultivate their lands. These beings constantly fought each other for supremacy, eventually driving the servants of Water, the Merfolk, to extinction. Millennia later Kyle Weathers receives a gift from an old and mysterious lady while working in Haiti. This gift will change his life forever.
Ithycca
Chapter 5: Fish Sandwiches
by AoifeM
Here I was, overlooking a crowd of my own. The mermaids and mermen, all looking to me for guidance, for support. There must have been thousands, all waiting for me, to finally give my speech. Swimming forth I began giving my speech. In my dream it the words sounded like a mix between normal human English, and certain dolphin like cries that I began to gradually remember and translate.
“My people, how I have wept!” I cried. “How the great mother Earth neglects us so, instead giving her blessings to the Earth Goddess and her human filth! Look how they corrupt the land, and defile our waters! They are the ones charged to guard the mighty gate that separates the realms? Millennia from now there may not be a world left to guard, and Mother Earth sits by and accepts this?”
With a fierce determination in my eyes I shouted, “My mother, Goddess Alora, refuses to sit by and let this tragedy continue! With our army, we can win the Gate. Us, the rightful rulers of this Earth. And if my spawn must continue the fight years from now then I will give them up willingly! My Mother’s will is certain, and I will have no regrets! Let us fight! For Atlantia!”
And with a strong cheer I swam away from the podium, where a merman of fantastic physique waited for me there…
I work up from my sleep induced coma. It was 5:00 in the evening. Just 3 days ago I was in Haiti, as a man, helping people recover from a major earthquake. Now I was a young beautiful black woman, whose secret identity was the legendary mermaid princess, Ithycca.
Still groggy, I flopped off the bed and onto the floor. I was completely unaware my tail returned while I was sleeping. I involuntarily reverted to my mermaid form during my nap; my body assuming it would be better suited for the ebb and flow of my waterbed. I’d have to work on maintaining my legs while sleeping. Seems like even in rest Gaia was making me work.
Doing as Gaia instructed me, just by thought I casted my glamour, and my tail became legs again. Luckily I was wearing a robe so I wasn’t surprised this time by my naked and penis-free abdomen.
Standing up and smoothing out my robe, I turned my gaze to my aquarium. “Hey there, little fellas,” I greeted. I felt a kinship with the creatures. I was sure they wanted some breakfast. Reaching for the fish feed I poured the flakes into the water and they happily devoured it up.
“There you are,” I said. I looked at the bottle of fish food something in me wondered whether this stuff was as good as those fish made it out to be. Curious, I poured some flakes into the palm of my hand and into my mouth. The bitter taste was immediately apparent, and unable to keep from gagging, I immediately spitted it out. Nope, not all fish, I thought.
Once in the bathroom I grabbed a bottle of mouthwash and gargled the remaining taste from my mouth. Even that seemed difficult, as when I tried to gargle the mouthwash the liquid seemed to pour out from my gills, making a mess of my robe. Looking at me, it wouldn’t look like my gills were present, but indeed they still existed, and apparently they hate gargling.
Wiping the mouthwash off from my neck, I couldn’t help but stare at myself once more. I was very attractive. I still couldn’t believe I looked like this. In human form I could almost pass for a Rhianna clone. I didn’t know if I should be thrilled or disgusted. I just wanted to be Kyle again.
Stripping down to my bare essentials I turned on the water. A quick check down below confirmed the sensitivity of my new human vagina. For a glamour, it could pass as the real deal.
Before I knew it I was massaging my breasts and feeling my vulva. Realizing what I was doing I stopped, much to my body’s disappointment. I wasn’t some sort of slut.
In my mind I didn’t want to feel that. It only made me feel farther away from my old self. However, it seemed that even my new body was out to get me, to make me forget my male self.
I swear that wouldn’t happen.
The tub now filled, I slid into the water. Immediately my tail returned, and with my face submerged the water massaged my gills. Relaxed, I began to reminisce about my dream last night. It had me worried. What did I have against the Earth Goddess, Gaia? And that still didn’t answer why my Mother had a problem with her.
Seeing Gaia now, I don’t necessarily think of her as an awful being. She was a pain in the ass, yes, and I didn’t like being transported out into the middle of nowhere. But she did grant me my legs, and this nice house.
Plus, I look at her with her children. It’s hard to believe Gods actually interact so directly with the real world. But there was no question. She truly loved her children, her obviously human children, which she gave birth to.
Much like I assumed my mother gave birth to me.
I really couldn’t believe that fierce, charismatic mermaid was the woman I was now. She doesn’t seem anything like me. It made me question again if I even wanted to remember the old me. Throughout my life I might have been determined, and maybe a little aggressive, but I wasn’t a fighter, not by any stretch of the imagination.
Putting these vexing thoughts aside I stepped out in my human form and threw a towel over me. Even being a woman for just a few days I wrapped them around my breasts as if I was doing that all my life. Heading back to my bedroom I headed to my dresser. Opening the drawers I saw that all the clothes were feminine in nature, from the lingerie to the short shorts. She even was so bold to put a few thongs in there. With a roll of my eyes I sarcastically quipped, “Thanks again Gaia, you crazy woman.”
I kept it simple; I’m not about to go all girly. A spaghetti strap and tight jeans were as far as I’d take it and only because it was warm and there weren’t any tank tops available.
My main goal was to eventually get back to Haiti and reunite with Eliza. I could only guess how worried she’d be. I had just vanished without a trace, after all. However, I am 500 miles away, in Key West, and while I can swim like nobodies’ business, seeing I just got my tail muscles working, I don’t know how long or how far I could travel at this juncture. I needed to improve my endurance.
Of course, if Gaia wasn’t so damn frustrating she could just whisk me back over. But I guess that’s the whole point in me being here. One way or the other I was going to learn how to be mermaid, like it or not.
But, for now I needed to put this on the back burner. I was starving as I hadn’t had any food since yesterday. Deciding it might be wise to check out the island, I figured I’d head to a fast food joint and grab a bite. Looking for some cash, I came across a purse lying almost suspiciously on top of the family room coffee table. Beside it was a note, which I took the time to read:
To my niece,
I figured you might need something to tide you over. Work hard, but don’t forget to take time and enjoy yourself!
-Aunt Gaia
I looked inside and was flabbergasted. There had to be over ten thousand dollars in there! How the hell does she get this money? She must have had her mitts in the affairs of Earth for a long time.
I quickly snapped the purse up and threw the strap over my shoulder. If I had the wallet, let alone the pockets, to carry such cash around I would. Unfortunately, I don’t, and right now I’d feel more at ease with this money by my side than lying out where people could get to it. So for this time only I was willing to swallow my pride. Carrying my purse I headed out.
It’s surprisingly a decent neighborhood. You would think the beaches would be loaded with bikini-clad supermodels and parties galore, but that wasn’t really the case. If I had the opportunity it would’ve been a nice place to live.
I guess I have the opportunity now, albeit in my mind a short one.
There was a McDonald’s nearby. I can at least count on McDonald’s to be everywhere, even in this paradise. Walking inside, my growling stomach was about to take control. Immediately I came up to the cashier and gave my order.
“I’ll take 5 fish sandwiches and a Dr. Pepper!”
I guess I’m a growing, er…girl.
Coming to a total of fifteen dollars, I felt a little guilty having them break a hundred dollar bill, but I figured this community was wealthy enough that this happens quite often here. Receiving my change, I put it back into my purse and waited anxiously for my meal.
My stomach was about to mutiny as I finally got my sandwiches. I turned around and rushed towards a table, unaware of the man who stood behind me. Colliding, my tray was tossed into the air, and my fish sandwiches flew all over the place.
“…My sandwiches,” I pouted as they fell on the ground.
The man, dazed by me running into him got up. Looking at me, concerned, he asked, “Are you ok?”
Picking up some of my food, I replied, “Yeah, I seem to be,” looking at him embarrassed, I added, “Sorry about that.”
He held out his hand, “Here, let me help you up.”
Without thinking I cordially accepted his hand as he pulled me up. “Thanks,” I said.
“Let me grab your sandwiches,” he insisted, “They look ok. They’re still in the wrapper, but if you want I’ll be glad to buy you replacements.”
Was this guy offering to buy me something? I adamantly refused. “It’s ok! If I wait any longer to eat I might devour one of my arms!”
He laughed at my comment, and then offered, “You seem new here, would you care to join me? I could use the company.”
What the hey. I didn’t know anyone around here anyway. It would be a good opportunity to familiarize myself with everything, and everyone.
So I joined him at his table. Immediately I unwrapped my first sandwich and started to consume it, still unable to preserve any etiquette as I did so. This didn’t seem to bother him, instead he seem to laugh a little while watching me. I couldn’t help myself and belched, and realizing how I must have looked, a meekly responded, “Sorry.”
With a warm smile he replied, “It’s quite all right.” Seeing he finally gained my attention he began to strike up a conversation. “My name is Douglas Barth. And who might you be?”
“I’m Ithycca,” I stated almost immediately. At this point it was getting harder and harder to identify as Kyle, and in this moment, even if I took the time to remind myself, it would be a little awkward calling me that in front of a random unknown stranger, at least in my current body. I didn’t want to scare him away like that.
“What a beautiful name,” he replied, causing me to blush a little.
“Thanks,” I said, flattered.
“I haven’t seen you around here before,” he stated.
“I came here just a couple days ago,” I explained. Making things up on the fly, I continued. “My aunt had business and asked me to watch after her house for awhile.”
“I see,” he said, “Would your aunt happen to be Miss Gaia?”
Surprised he guessed correctly right off the bat, I answered with another question, “You know her?”
“Why yes,” he told me, “She is such a wonderful woman. Often during my studies she would come out from her house and offer me some tea. She knows how to treat a person, that’s for sure.”
Yeah, she’s one hell of a people person, I thought to myself, hardly believing him. Am I the only she seems to enjoy torturing?
I shook my head and continued. “So, what is it you do?”
“Me?” he started, “I’m a marine biologist. I love studying the flora and fauna of the seas, the Gulf Region and Caribbean in particular.”
You would’ve love the sights and sounds I’ve witness, thinking to myself.
“Ah, that stuff must sound boring to you!” He claimed as he saw me drifting into my thoughts.
“No, no!” I insisted, “I think it’s a very commendable career to have!” I added, “I’ve really grown to enjoy the water. I don’t think you’d believe me, but I am quite the accomplished swimmer.”
Grinning, he teased, “Oh really?”
Leaning closer to him I replied, “Yeah, really.”
Backing away, he took the last few bites of his sandwich and stated, “You’ll have to prove it sometime.” With a quick sip of his drink he got up from his seat. “I’m afraid I’ll have to get home. I enjoyed the chat. I hope to see you around.”
“Take care.” Waving goodbye to him, he turned away and walked away. Instinctively I focused in on his butt. Wow, I thought, wouldn’t it be nice to get my hands around that? It only took a second before I realized what I was thinking and immediately stopped.
What the hell was I doing?!
A long time ago, the Earth blessed four spirits, making them gods. The gods of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, oversee their realms, creating sentient creatures to help cultivate their lands. These beings constantly fought each other for supremacy, eventually driving the servants of Water, the Merfolk, to extinction. Millennia later Kyle Weathers receives a gift from an old and mysterious lady while working in Haiti. This gift will change his life forever.
Ithycca
Chapter 6- Swimming from Myself
by AoifeM
I was pissed off.
Swimming near shore in the middle of the night, my mind couldn’t get over what I just did earlier this evening.
I admired the backside of a guy!
I was disgusted. I wasn’t like that! I didn’t like guys! I WAS a guy, and if I can find a way to turn back into a guy, I would do it in a heartbeat!
This whole being a princess reborn after ten thousand years of inactivity was irrelevant to me. I didn’t know whether I was Ithycca, or the scale was. What I did know is that I wasn’t like her.
I’ve seen her dreams, the past- my alleged past. That was me? There’s no way. She was nothing like me. I wouldn’t have blindly made false accusations over people I didn’t even know!
And how did I know if back then I hadn't met Gaia? How did I know I was just saying what I assumed was true? Was there proof Gaia was an evil being?
I shook my head violently. Damn it, stop trying to control me! You’re dead!
I turned sharply; my tail splashed up water, traveling meters away in a crescent like wave. Yeah, try saying that with a straight face. As long as I had a tail, I knew that she’s quite alive- watching, waiting; slowly taking over my mind.
I needed to get back to Eliza. At least being with her will keep me from going insane. Keep me from forgetting that behind this gorgeous figure was Kyle Weathers, the valedictorian and selfless volunteer.
I focused all my thoughts on Eliza. Before my transformation we had a bond going; something meaningful and strong. I felt it could’ve gone farther if this didn’t happen. I was hoping that somehow, someway, she still feels strongly about me as I do her.
I just hope that my strong feelings for her weren’t just me lying to myself.
Between me working out in the middle of the night and sleeping during the day I became more of a night owl. It was better I was not seen, I didn’t want to start a commotion, being aquatic and all. In a week I felt that it would be the best time to attempt my journey back to Haiti. I can keep close to the American shoreline if I needed to find food, or shelter from oncoming weather. I think I can manage.
Five days into my training and I got an unnerving ring from my doorbell.
Scared awake I rolled over, only to fall flat on my face. I was in mermaid mode again. I’m really growing annoyed by that.
Ring again, I screamed, “Just a minute!” Reforming my human legs, I pulled on a pair of panties and covered myself with my robe and rushed down to greet the annoying bell ringer.
I should’ve just pretended I wasn’t home, my mind thought, although I felt my body thought on the contrary. Opening the door stood Douglas. “Asleep at 2:00 in the afternoon?” he quipped.
“I’m kind of a night owl,” I nervously responding, wishing for him to go away.
“You mind if I come in?” he asked.
Fidgeting, I could almost feel a new strangeness in between my legs. Was this what it felt like getting wet?
“Uh…I kind of just woke up,” I replied nervously while scratching my neck.
“Yeah, I could see how inconvenient that would be,” he admitted. “I just wanted to let you know I would be working along the beaches here today. I felt it would be nice if I would stop by and visit. I haven’t seen you around in a few days, so I just wanted to see how you were.”
“That’s very sweet of you,” I said. Such a gentleman. Wait, was I glad he checked up on me?
“So maybe sometime you’ll show me how fast you swim?” he asked.
“I hope so,” I answered, staring deep into his beautiful sapphire eyes. I couldn’t help but be drawn into them. He was so handsome…
“I’ll see you around, Ith,” he said as he walked off. Shutting the door I smiled. I was weak in the knees as I leaned over the door and slowly dragged my butt to the floor. I felt like a young teenage girl dreaming of her first crush. I began imagining how wonderful he would be in the sack. He was so dreamy…
…Dreamy? Doug? Shit! I did it again! I can’t believe I’m thinking such nonsense. My hormones were conspiring against me! All I could think about was having him wrapped around my little finger! I was repulsed with myself!
Change of plans, I thought to myself. We leave, tonight!
Night fell quickly, and stars were out in full force. The moon was waning, but still provided the ample light needed for the journey. And if not, that’s what my glowing tail was for.
With nothing more but Eliza’s swimsuit top and a long skirt around my waist, I looked back at my beach house. I’ve been getting used to wearing skirts, often times preferring that than pants because it made it convenient for when I had to shapeshift from human to mermaid. I felt uneasy I said my goodbyes. Deep inside me, I still yearned for Doug, and wanted me to reconsider making this decision.
“Sorry, Doug,” I said under my breath, “Perhaps in another life, it would have been a great relationship. But I don’t want to be a woman forever. You’ll probably never understand, but, I hope you’ll forgive me nonetheless.”
With my eyes watering, I fought back the tears. With my resolve I jumped into the ocean. Eliza, I’m coming.
I really wasn’t prepared for this journey. No matter how much thought I put into it, I doubt I would have either way. Swimming against the current easily wore me out. Furthermore it was storm season. I had to be careful not to get caught in one.
On occasions I’d make my way onto shore. Sometimes it was to find food, but more often than not there was nothing available. Being a human most of my life I suppose I was used to the luxury of having food when I needed it. Being a Mermaid however, it wasn’t that simple. There were no undersea restaurants, just me and the open sea, and whatever creatures that reside in it.
It’s funny how certain things come back to you when faced with such a dilemma. Daydreaming I recollected about the time of my first hunt. Back then I was a young merchild, I’d say barely 13, and I was holding a harpoon like spear. I remembered my teacher talking to me.
“The spear is the Merfolks’ greatest weapon. It is not flashy, like magic, nor as powerful as an explosive. However, mastering one is vital to a young mermaid’s survival. You too, must train to master the spear, for the sake of defending your own, and the lives of your future spawn.”
Taking it, I felt a surge of pride. This was a major moment in the lives of all Merfolk. This was a major step in becoming an adult. Something I took quite seriously, particularly as the daughter of Goddess Alora.
He pointed to a school of fish. “These are your target. If you can slay them, you can eat. If not, you will starve. Only those with the skill to use the spear effectively can survive the perils of the real world. I will leave you to it. Do not return to me until you have accomplished your task.”
Swimming away, I looked at my target. These fish were mine. With the precision of a marksman I threw my javelin, and without any difficulty I connected, impaling the first fish, its blood gushing from its wound.
Startling the other fish, I wouldn’t allow their escape. With much swiftness I swam over to the harpoon. Pulling it out of the first fish, I followed it with a quick vertical slash. The sharpness of the blade was unreal, and sliced another fish into two.
I was a natural, most likely due to my Mother’s blood. Catching up with another I quickly ended its life; another meal for the taking. By the time I was through there was nothing left. I had successfully done my job. I had claimed my dinner.
As I dreamt I felt like my abilities were siphoning themselves back into me. My mind unlocked another ability I had from long ago, and seeing that I was starving, it was time to use it.
Finding a broken branch, it obviously wasn’t the same as my javelin from long ago. Still, beggars can’t be choosers. I grabbed it and jumped into the water. The hunt was on.
I felt like that same girl I was ten thousand years ago. Every thought, every movement I had- it all came back to me. I as swam deeper I found a school of blackfin tuna. I can remember the sweet taste of it in my mouth. Tonight was gonna be a fantastic supper!
Recreating the scene from my childhood, I raced out to meet my prey. Every muscle responded to every move I made like my skills never left me. In my past life I must’ve been a great warrior.
While it may have taken longer to secure my meal, mostly due to the lack of a decent weapon, I eventually killed my fill. Grabbing the slain delights, I threw them over my shoulders and my way to shore.
Returning to my human form I walked up to the shoreline. I decided to find a rather private place on the beach to sit down and eat.
I had no knife to cut into my fish, let alone any capability to start a fire to cook it. But, for some reason, I didn’t really find it a big deal. All I could do was smell that euphoric aroma.
Salivating I took a bite from the raw fish. It didn’t feel unnatural to do so, even if I felt like an animal. I’ve had sushi before, and hadn’t any problem eating it. But this seemed like a whole other level, and even though it was still bloody, I was gobbling it up.
Leaving but only the entrails (I have my limits you know!) I wiped my mouth using my hand and just laid back and look at the dawn sky. I never really appreciated the majesty of the sun rising; I suppose you realize that when you feel more natural in the world. And I did feel a connection, something I feel that I a human I may have taken for granted. Hopefully, when I return to normal I can take back this moment as a reminder of what’s really important.
…If I ever did return to normal.
Either way, I still had to try. There were still too many things I was not at all comfortable with. Having an attraction to guys, for one thing. And there still was that fear that the feelings and beliefs I held back when I was Kyle would disappear, leaving me with the fiery, war driven Ithycca. She who even now I can’t believe I was.
I really hope that it was a lie, or that someone may have manipulated to believe such things. But, why? I was a being of the water- my beliefs most likely represented many of my peoples’ sentiments.
I turned my thoughts away from that. There was no use getting upset over something I have yet to remember.
Soon after, my thoughts drifted into nothingness. The comforting sea breeze rolled across my body, relaxing my tense muscles. I slowly rubbed down my hair, ridding it of access water. Eventually I settled my hand on my face as my eyes grew heavy. I gave in as this place was as good as any for a brief respite. I closed my eyes, and went asleep.
And it was a fantastic nap too. But, like all good things, they come to an end, some more abruptly than others. This was one of those cases. Like a sixth sense, something instinctively told me to wake up. Maybe it was the odd feeling in the air, like something bad was about to happen.
Indeed, my intuition was correct. Opening my eyes I was greeted by a steel blade, nearly striking me dead in my face.
My reflexes quickly allowed me to dodge the sword that was coming down on me. Still in human form I jumped up to my feet. I looked up and stared at the woman who was attacking me. I couldn’t help but be in awe.
It was an Angel. And she didn’t look friendly.
“So, the rumors were true,” She began. “I can’t allow you to exist. The Merfolk can’t rise again. For the sake of this world, I must kill you!”
A long time ago, the Earth blessed four spirits, making them gods. The gods of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, oversee their realms, creating sentient creatures to help cultivate their lands. These beings constantly fought each other for supremacy, eventually driving the servants of Water, the Merfolk, to extinction. Millennia later Kyle Weathers receives a gift from an old and mysterious lady while working in Haiti. This gift will change his life forever.
Ithycca
Chapter 7- Guardian Demon?
by AoifeM
I had a lot to learn. I never thought much about just how important I was. Not only was I a Mermaid, I was the only Mermaid. My existence was all that kept my race from being extinct all over again. Never did I think once that would make me a very important target.
Being attacked by that Angel served as a major wakeup call in more ways than one. I was unarmed, alone, and still not familiar with my body. Sure, give me a tree branch and I can hunt like the best of them, but fight?
What’s worse was the constant stumbling I did while tripping over my long white skirt. I figured it was the most appropriate clothing; if I were in my human form it would help keep perverts sneaking a peak at what was otherwise a panty less woman. Next time I should replace modesty with practicality.
Still, running wouldn’t do me any good. She had the major advantage of flying. Try as I might, she could catch me.
And I still didn’t know what exactly I did to deserve this. I mean, was my race that bad? And even if they were, it wasn’t as if I had intentions of breeding. I mean, I don’t even know how! And I don’t appreciate having to think of guys in that manner!
Even if my body wants to think otherwise.
Dodging another swipe from her blade, I turned to her and yelled, “What the hell?! It’s not as if I’ve done anything to you!”
She looked at me sternly, “Your kind has caused enough trouble. We had to live through an Ice Age as proof of your transgressions! Your existence only continues to complicate such matters!”
I avoided another attack. I hoped that somehow my words could sway her mind and reconsider sparing me.
“I don’t know what happened a long time ago!” I insisted. “But I swear I am not like those people!”
“And, why should I believe you?” She demanded, “I may not have been around to see such atrocities, but I am not a fool, Princess Ithycca!”
It was getting tiring trying to keep up with her. I didn’t know how much longer I had.
“Damnit!” I screamed, panting uncontrollably. “Listen to me!”
“There is nothing to listen to!” She retorted, swinging her sword wildly, obviously getting a little frustrated by my dodging. “Yahweh says you must be destroyed, so I must!”
She was stubborn as all hell. I didn’t have any advantage whatsoever. Hoping to get a little distance, I turned around and started to run from her. However, again my skirt proved to be quite the hindrance as my legs got caught up in it, causing me to fall face first into the sand.
Flipping over, I wanted to jump up and continue running. Unfortunately the Angel was right there with her blade at my throat. I ran out of options.
“This really isn’t my forté,” She explained as her blade inched closer to my neck. “Normally I would give my enemies as least a sporting chance at fighting back. However, your death is of the utmost importance, and I can’t afford to lose this opportunity. Forgive me.”
She was preparing for the deathblow. I closed my eyes, preparing for what was coming. What did come however surprised even me.
A chain with a hook like end to it wrapped around her sword, and with a tug successfully disarmed her. At the end of that chain was a demon looking entity of the female variety, cloven hooves, spade like tail, and ram like horns. She could be considered attractive, if she didn’t look like she could rip your head off.
I didn’t know what she was up to, but when she began to raise her hands I knew it wouldn't be good. Instinctively I ran for cover as she casted her spell. And from my previous spot she unleashed an explosion. While the angel was attempting to escape, she did get caught up in the blast, and was sent flying.
“Mmmm,” The devil like entity began, “Looks like we’re having bird tonight!”
Dusting herself off, the obviously shocked angel demanded an answer. “What purpose do you have here, Hellspawn? This doesn’t concern you!”
The girl grinned as she replied. “First off, it’s Djinn, Birdbrain! And second, maybe I just like messing with your type!”
Angered, the Angel reclaimed her sword. Raising it in an attacking stance she charged headstrong towards the young “Djinni.” I didn’t know what was going on. All I know is that this was my time to escape.
Deciding not to go through the problem again, I used all of my strength to rip my skirt in to a much more manageable size. Now up to my knees, I decided enough was enough and decided to make a run for it, looking over my shoulder to see the battle going on overhead.
And indeed it was an intense one. The Djinni’s chains were obviously meant for this type of battle. She couldn’t fly like the Angel could, and the chains were doing a good job keeping her grounded. They were indeed polar opposites. The Angel held a calm, tempered demeanor; her aura shined confidence. She was one who led by example, the type who didn’t seem shaken by anything.
Meanwhile the Djinni preferred to show her confidence in an almost antagonistic manner. If you screwed up, she’d let you know it. Taunting her opponent endlessly, she seemed to delight when she got a rise out of people, particularly someone as stone cold as her opponent right now, who seemed to be livid as the battle continued.
I couldn’t really take the time to observe the epic struggle. My goal was the water. My best bet was to run away from the field of battle, and hopefully once clear swim away where I knew neither of them could get me. It seemed almost too good to be true; they seemed so focused on each other that they forgot about me. It proved easy to escape.
I pushed my dainty little legs as hard as I possibly could. It was a difficult proposition.
In the water I was as athletic as anyone possibly could be, yet on land I was anything but. Perhaps I could gain more oxygen in the water. Perhaps it was the fact that in the water I didn’t sweat. And of course my tail was rather strong compared to these legs, and on land sweating only makes me more dehydrated, which makes it easier for me to get dehydrated.
The shore wasn’t far, however. The rocky coast was a welcome sight, free from the fighting that was occurring up ahead. I slowly walked over to the shoreline; the water messaged my human toes. Kneeling down, I was about to swim off, however someone wouldn't allow me.
Completely unaware, the Angel surprised me from behind, pulling me up from my hair and onto my feet. Apparently, even though the Djinni gave her a hell of a fight, she came out of it victorious. Obviously frustrated beyond belief, she pulled me over to a nearby rock and threw my back against it, subduing me in a fit of pain. With her hand she pinned me down, her sword preparing to do what it should have done earlier. My luck had ran out. I was out of chances.
Panicking, I did the only thing a defenseless girl could do- I screamed.
Yet this scream was beyond anything I’ve heard before. It almost felt like the ground was moving. My mouth was wide open, and my gills followed, almost like a woodwind instrument. However, the sound coming out of it wasn’t pretty.
I’ve never heard a banshee scream, but if I had to compare it, it would be like that. Stunned, the Angel fell backward, holding her hands to her ears in agony. The blood was running down her hands. She was beaten.
I fell to the ground, writhing in pain. I barely could stand up. Luckily the Angel had enough for one day. With the last ounce of her strength she flew off, leaving me thankful.
With a hand on my kidney I staggered to my feet. I was greeted from a distance by the Djinni who was fighting earlier.
“Aw, man!” she exclaimed like a little kid at his first monster truck rally. “That. Was. Awesome! You could hear that for miles! Totally tore that bitch a new one!”
I didn’t know what to make of her. As she began to move closer to me I instinctively went into a defensive stance.
Nervously I asked, “Who are you? What do you want?”
She stopped halfway, not real appreciative of my reaction. “That’s kind of rude, you know? Acting all paranoid like that? And to think I saved your life too!”
All of a sudden she ignited in a sea of flames, and when those flames subsided the demon looking entity became a gorgeous, honey skinned, blue eyed woman, with golden locks of hair reaching down to her shoulders, covered only by the short miniskirt and flimsy top she was wearing prior.
“That’s better!” she exclaimed. “My name in Khalifa, but you can call me Kali.” She resumed walking, closing the distance between us. “And you must be Princess Ithycca.”
“Don’t come any closer!” I warned. “I’m serious.”
“Oh come on!” She yelled. “If I wanted to kill you I would have.”
That didn’t help me get comfortable.
Now standing right in front of me, she began to lick her lips. “Besides…”
Spontaneously she dragged me into an embrace and began to intimately kiss me, her tongue wrestling mine. As her lips and mine connected, you could see the steam rising from our mouths as if it were vapor.
“Mmmm,” she seductively moaned, “Tangy.”
I was freaking out. What the hell was going on? Was she flirting with me? I really didn’t need this now. I had a lot of thoughts circling my head as it is, with Douglas, Eliza, my sexuality. I didn’t even know her!
“No, it would be a waste to see such a beautiful thing like you disappear,” She stated. “I must say Alora did a good job on you.”
“So then what do you want?” I demanded, wishing she would just answer me already.
“What do you think I want?” she retorted. “Need I spell it out, Y O U. You, you sexy thang you!”
It didn’t make sense. I was totally uncomfortable with the situation “But…but I don’t even know you!”
“And that’s what makes blind dates so a-MAZ-ing!” She cried while giggling. “And I must say, you sure know how to pick a first date!”
“I…I don’t know,” I stammered. Actually I did know. I didn’t want anything to do with her, but I was afraid of the repercussions by rejecting her outright. She was rather powerful, after all.
“I tell you what, my little Ithy,” she began. “You’ll need help don’t you? After all, that Angel won’t be the only thing after you, you know. You’re so special- everyone seems to want a piece of you!”
“Uh…” My mind was having a hard time coming up with the words. I couldn't even begin to form a sentence without Kali cutting me off from the get go.
“So, that settles it!” She confirmed. “Just call me your Guardian Ang-…er your Guardian! Yeah! Guardian!" She began to giggle in an almost sadistic manner. "This’ll be sooo much fun!”
“But…” I still was unable to get a word in.
“Don’t worry my sweet little fish stick,” She interjected. “You don’t hafta tell me anything now. Deep down I know how you feel, and I’ll be here when you ready.” She gave me another seductive kiss on the lips. “Well, babe, getting dark, you oughtta get swimming! You have somewhere to be right?”
“Uh…yeah,” I replied, nervous as all hell.
“Well don’t just stand there!” she chided. “Get going! Waves won’t be cooperative forever!”
I turned around and look at the waves. They were rather calm. Getting in the water might help soothe the back pain.
I looked over my shoulder, and Kali was gone; vanished without a trace, leaving me alone as the sun set beyond the horizon. Gods, Angels, and now Djinn, the whole world seemed to be after me. It seems like my life just got a little more complicated.
I took a deep breath, and in the immortal words of Dr. Sam Beckett of Quantum Leap fame, I exhaled and uttered, “Oh, boy.”
(In order to make a more detailed and complete universe, I wanted to focus on the stories of the other major characters of Ithycca. This one will be in the point of view of the Angel from the previous chapter, taking place from her realm of Heaven. Enjoy!)
Ithycca Sidestories: Chapter 7.5
Subjects of Air
By AoifeM
I failed, and my punishment was justified. My equilibrium was imbalanced, and my ears damaged to the point I could no longer hear. It was no other’s fault but my own.
I made it back to my world, Heaven. To humans, it’s the gateway to paradise, but it’s just like their world, it has its good and bad parts. Of course traversing here was impossible unless you had a pair of wings- there was no solid ground, and buildings all levitated, a marvelous example of our technological prowess.
I am Angela. It’s an apt name for what I am. I serve my God, Yahweh, as does my brother, Darius. My brother is miles ahead of me in terms of actual skill, however. He was unofficially the most skillful warrior throughout the land, and our God’s right hand man. I had a lot to live up to, even though we were born barely 2 years apart.
And so I flew to our capital city of Ahura Mazda. Unlike many of the Gods mine took a particular interest in managing the lives of his subjects, and we followed him unequivocally.
I entered the palace doors of our blessed leader. With no more strength to push me, I fell to the porcelain floors below, writhing in pain. Immediately this caught the attention of my brother, who was waiting for my triumphant return. I felt embarrassed I let him down.
He flew to my aid, and wrapped his wing over my shoulder. Reading the movements of his lips I was able to get the sense he was worried sick. He immediately helped me to my feet, and using him as a crutch I carried myself to Yahweh’s Precipice, the name of the room in which his throne resides. If anyone could heal my wounds, it was him.
Darius set me down in front of our lord’s presence. One look at Yahweh’s countenance was enough to know he was quite displeased. However, he was kind enough to service me, and using his mighty powers he restored my sound; the gentle zephyr winds rushed through my ears and the pain disappeared without a trace.
With a sigh, he began to scold me. “It was a simple mission,” he began. “A surprise attack on somebody who had yet regained her skills and memories, and yet somehow you failed. Now she knows of our intent. We won’t get another chance like that.”
I felt guilt in letting him down. It was the greatest dishonor. “Forgive me Lord,” I pleaded. “Apparently a Djinni knew of our attack and intervened.”
“A Djinni?” Yahweh repeated. “So now my brother, Efreet, has a stake in this as well? What exactly does he see in keeping Alora’s child alive?”
“I don’t know my lord,” I explained. “It almost seemed as if this Djinni was acting on her own.”
“Just a bunch of roaming barbarians,” He remarked. “No sense of honor, no sense of order. Just doing things without any idea of the consequences.”
He turned away from me and returned to his throne, sitting down as he continued to ponder.
“Without my leadership there would have been many deaths. Humans would have died out long ago. The Merfolk are a scourge. If one could be revived, how many more can? It would be Armageddon all over again. And knowing Alora, she will be looking for blood. It will be a lot worse than just an Ice Age.”
Suddenly a strange voice interrupted my Lord’s outspoken thoughts. “Why be you assumin’ the Merfolk be after vengeance?”
My brother got into a defensive position and unsheathed his magical sword, obviously weary of this foreigner. “You!” he cried, ready to strike.
“Oh hun,” The wingless being stated to my over eager brother, “Put down the sword. I’m not a fighter. Goes against my personality.”
“Such is the answer of a powerless God,” Yahweh insinuated. “Tell me, dear sister, why do you defile this room with your presence?”
“Ha!” she scoffed. “You come to my realm, attack without provocation, and not be expecting a visit from little ol’ me? You have some ‘splainin’ to do.”
“Do I?” He retorted. “As far as I can tell I was only doing the job that you should have doing to begin with. But, of course, you never were one to take matters to your own hands. That’s why you’ve lost the worship of your followers.”
“If humanity be wishin to follow someone besides me, that be their right,” she concluded.
“Face it, Gaia,” Yahweh continued, “Without my influence humanity would have no structure, no advancement. They would be as hopeless as my brother and his Djinn.”
“Perhaps,” she replied, “but unlike you I believe in my people. They not be needin’ my constant approval of everything.”
“Hmph.” Yahweh proceeded to change the subject. “So, why do you assist her anyway?”
“Ithycca?” She assumed. “Why not? Does she not have a right to live like anything else? Regardless of her form?”
“She nearly destroyed all of us,” he sternly reminded her.
“And?” Gaia questioned. “It’s been 10,000 years, my dear brother. The planet weeps for her lost children. And I be a firm believer that the guilty need not be victims of retribution, but rather rehabilitation.”
“And you think she can change?” He asked, with a slight rise in his voice.
“Why not?” She continued. “Before her rebirth, she was a Human male, after all. One of humility; kind, caring, committed. She has experience from the other side. Something that just doesn’t go away even after she fully remembers.”
“You’re playing with fire, Gaia,” Yahweh insisted. “You’re going to get burnt.”
“And without love,” she concluded. “Nothing ever changes.” Lowering her head, she commented. “Sometimes I wonder if it be strong enough, that maybe one day we all could make amends.”
“…Gaia,” Yahweh said in a compassionate manner, “We cannot change the past. Alora made her bed. She must now lie in it. We did what we must. Sometimes no matter how hard you try, nothing will ever change.”
“Maybe,” She said. “Either way, leave Ithycca to my care. I will take full responsibility.”
He sighed, obviously not real thrilled about the whole prospect of this. It seemed like he was going to grant her what she wanted.
“…Very well,” he conceded. “But I will be watching very closely. I will not hesitate to cut the power from its source if needed.”
“That be your prerogative,” she claimed. “Just don’t expect that to be simple as you wish it to be.”
With that she turned and walked off. Now just the three of us, obviously he had just about enough of our presence as well. “Leave me,” he demanded. “I have much to think about.”
We bowed and made our way for the exit. As we walked downstairs from the Precipice, I could see the frustration in my brother’s eyes. I became increasingly worried.
Not holding back any longer, he screamed, “What a fool! What kind of Goddess preaches restraint?”
“What do you mean, dear brother?” I asked him.
“Look at what that Sea Monster did to you!” he cried. “I know of your skill, and yet she nearly killed you! And to think that was only but a modicum of her power.”
“But what are we supposed to do about that, brother?” I inferred. “Our Lord gave her the opportunity to work with her. We cannot just defy him!”
“And what if after all of that she fails?” he suggested. “Just how powerful can this Ithycca become?”
“I… I don’t know,” I replied, recollecting the intense pain her shriek induced and shuddering at the mere thought.
“Our Lord may have given such an order, but I doubt that is what he truly wants.” He continued. “He wants to eliminate this threat before she gets that far. Before she becomes so powerful, that not even I could best her.”
“So what are you suggesting?” I asked, almost scared to hear the obvious.
“We need to kill her, Angela,” he declared. “We just need one chance. And when that time comes, we shall strike!" Raising his voice, he yelled. "No one gets away with hurting my little sister! No one!”
I wanted to stop him, but he stomped off, too angry to pay any attention. What can I do? Defy my Lord’s will? It was sweet to see my brother go this far to defend my honor, but at what cost? Even if he had the go ahead, I will still be nervous seeing him in battle against her.
I stared at my hand, and realized it couldn’t stop shaking. Was I afraid of her? Of what she could possibly do? I’ve never felt this way about anything in my life. I was trained to be gallant, to hold myself up high, and fight without fear. Now look at me.
“You know, fear be all to healthy,” A familiar voice said from behind.
“You…” I replied, obviously not using the most tactful greeting.
“She truly is a nice kid, you know,” Gaia claimed as she appeared in my sight. “Right now, she’s just as scared as you are.”
“And why?” I asked.
“She feels she’s losing herself,” She explained. “She has her own demons to face. I'm sure she's slowly recollecting her past, and it's sickenin' to her. Your presence only further emphasizes those feelings.”
“I don’t get it,” I continued to question, “why are you telling me this?”
“Because I know deep in your heart you be not a bad person,” she stated. “And I don’t believe you or Ithycca should live life havin’ to fear each other. Heh, in fact, in another life you two would be like good friends.”
She walked closer to me and put a hand on my shoulder. “Do me a favor child, and keep an eye on your brother. He not be thinkin’ straight, and I’d rather he not be involved any more than he has to be. There be no use gettin' hurt for nuthin'”
“…I.” I really couldn’t answer her. She had a lot of clarity in her words whenever she spoke, regardless of her accent. I too wanted to stop Darius, however, he was much more powerful. If he set his mind on something, regardless of how much I was against it, he would do it. My objections can only hinder him for so long.
“Go out, see the world,” she digressed, “Life isn’t always black and white. Trust in your own judgments, not the judgments of others. Maybe then you’ll see maybe certain people aren’t as evil as you first thought.”
Walking by me and turned and gave me a quick grin. “I be sure we be meetin’ again, Angela.”
I blinked my eyes, and somehow she vanished. I had a lot to think about. I just didn’t know what to do.
All I knew was, I was a major player in all of this, whether I wanted to be or not.
A long time ago, the Earth blessed four spirits, making them gods. The gods of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, oversee their realms, creating sentient creatures to help cultivate their lands. These beings constantly war over each other, eventually driving the servants of Water, the Merfolk, to extinction. Millennia later Kyle Weathers receives a gift from an old but mysterious lady while working in Haiti. This gift will change his life forever.
Ithycca
Chapter 8
Duality
by AoifeM
I really didn’t know where I was swimming. At this point all I needed to know was “head east.” Hopefully I won’t wind up in Africa or something.
My mind was focused on something else; what happened back there on the beach. I never felt so scared in my entire life. I was so vulnerable. That Angel was only the first of many, I could be sure of that.
My existence was a big deal, and the whole world was watching, waiting for a chance to take my life. Even Kali, who “claims” she wants to protect me, didn’t make me feel any more at ease.
And she was all over me, kissing me, caressing me, feeling the steam rise from our lips intertwined. She seemed to enjoy herself immensely, and yet, I didn’t feel any attraction to her, unlike how I felt with Doug. To me it felt all wrong, all unnatural. And it’s been bothering me immensely. I just can’t admit such things to myself, no matter how much evidence has already proven.
No, in my mind, there’s a simple explanation as to why I felt nothing for Kali. She was creepy. She was acting all flirtatious and aggressive. She just freaked me out. She was nothing like Eliza. I love her, I love her, I continued to repeat over and over inside my head. I needed to believe it, for a felt the traces of my previous life were disappearing right before my eyes.
I didn’t get out of the water; not once. I feared what lied above there. The ocean was my sanctuary; the only thing that kept me safe. I think that I was so frightened that I swam deeper than normal, having to resort to using my tail to light up the area as I made my way eastward. I wouldn’t rise until I reached Haiti. I didn’t want to take any more chances.
Something I began to learn while traveling undersea was to use my shriek. In land it was powerful, but I could control it, learning to use it at different frequencies. What I found out was how good my reaction was to it. I could feel the sound bouncing off the rocky walls and what not, eventually learning that in addition to bioluminescence I had the ability to use sonar, similar to what dolphins could. This really helped as a further travel deep into the water, my tail could only light up a short distance around me; if I wanted to travel as fast as I did in shallower waters I had to learn to embrace this new ability.
Of course that led me to a whole new realization. Slowly, surely I began to remember vocabulary. I subconsciously remembered a few things from my dreams, how slowly I started to recollect my speeches from English to my Merfolk tongue. Even in dreams where I was Kyle I began to envision myself talking in a weird mix of the two. I could remember certain sentence structures and whatnot.
The Merfolk language was a combination of shrieks of different frequency and durations. Sometimes it was almost singy-songy in sound, which may give way to the myth of our beautiful songstress voice. There were a lot of thoughts going into my head, trying to remember more and more about it. Finally I could cobble together a few words and create my first sentence.
“My name is Ithycca,” I said using my new language.
The realization was I couldn’t remember my former name. All I knew was I was once a human male. The only way I could remember that I was Kyle Weathers was if someone I knew told me, and even then hearing myself being called that didn’t seem right.
Plus, I couldn’t translate human names anyway. I was called Ithycca by the other races because they couldn’t restate it in my own language. Even the way I stated my name in my first tongue seemed a lot more natural.
All the memories and new skills I was learning began to tire me out. I picked up a solid lining of kelp and seaweed and found a nice underwater cove to make home in for the night. It felt relatively spacious, just like the one I had at home 10,000 years ago. At Atlantis. Everything was reminding me of 10,000 years ago. But that’s gone now. I was alone.
I wrapped myself in kelp creating a kind of makeshift blanket. It was rather comfortable, just me, floating in my cove, feeling the water flow underneath me. It reminded me of my waterbed. I could see why I woke up with a tail and falling flat on my face to the floor.
With everything in order, I turned off my bioluminescent light and fell asleep.
I woke up relatively early. Sensing the tuna would be out in full force I hunted down my breakfast before I started my day. The currents seemed stronger than usual; there must be a storm coming.
I submerged back deep into the ocean waters, feeling that the currents would be less affected there. I had a little better idea where I was heading now. Using my sonar I could tell where the sea floor would rise, and if it rose high enough, you knew that you were reaching land.
I took the time to ascend on occasion when the land rose high enough. Often times there wasn’t much luck. There was more of a chance of seeing a rocky island than an actual human settlement. Furthermore other major determining factors, such as the increasing sounds of motors from boats and cruise ships, weren’t being heard; the storm tended to postpone the activity of such things.
And the storm was indeed violent. I almost felt hurricane like. Staying up on the surface too long was dangerous. I practically learned firsthand. In an instant lightning came crashing down hitting the ocean surface, and quickly used me as a conduit.
Yet, I didn’t feel hurt in the slightest. What’s weirder was my eyes were closed, and yet, I could see right through my eyelids. This was too weird… I held my hands to my eyes, and even that freaked me out. My skin was translucent blue! I could see my insides! It was like my skin was similar to a jellyfish!
The skin’s translucent hue continued downward until it reached my scales. It was weird seeing my inner anatomy for the first time. Somehow my skin was very resistant to electrical discharge. This was a rather interesting discovery. Yet something in me thought there was more to it.
Swimming down into the water I bumped into another school of tuna. Time to play tag! I swam out towards my hapless prey. They tried to escape, but there was no way out. Reaching out my hand I caught up with one of the fish and with a simple touch all my electrical energy released. I was hoping for a warm meal for lunch, but sadly by touching it all the electricity within me discharged, turning it into nothing more than charred ash.
Without any voltage left in me my skin tone returned to normal. With my merfolk speech I pouted, “Oops.” Guess it’s only good for one shot. It could prove useful for self defense. Cooking…not so much.
Honestly a lot of things just made me wonder. I seemed to have quite a few abilities. Sonic screams, bioluminescence, creating the world’s biggest static shock. It made me wonder why Humans weren’t as naturally gifted. Really they aren’t really overly skilled in anything. No super strength, no immense speed, no real way to defend themselves without bringing a weapon into the fray. It just was weird to me.
I assume though that’s why they compensate. Even looking back at my life in Atlantis 10,000 years ago, it wasn’t like we were some super advanced civilization. I mean, compared to what humans have now, we could be similar to early human tribes. Our buildings were the eroded remains of the ocean floor, coral, and whatever else the ocean provided. Our evolution was based on our skills. Magic for one thing, something at this time I can’t remember how to do. The other thing was our natural abilities. My mother, Alora, may have made the most perfect marine lifeform in the four realms, but as a cost, we relied on it too heavy. Maybe that’s why we were destroyed.
Of course maybe there were things about humans that elude them to this day. There might be more than meets the eye.
The storm eventually passed and I swam onward, this time remaining in shallow waters. I knew I wasn’t far away now. Better to keep an eye out.
And sure enough I could witness the boats finally loading up from the seaport of Haiti’s capital city. The place still looked a little bleak to my eyes, but for me, this place meant everything to me. As long as I’m with Eliza, this was home.
Making it up to shore just a few miles from the outskirts of town, I took the time to ring out the water from what remains of my torn skirt. Putting it back on I reverted to my human form. Being in the water for so long really proved difficult, as I had a hard time balancing myself as I stood up and began walking. Looks like I had to get used to my land legs again.
Once I adapted I made my way up through the small jungle to a country road. I tried to get someone’s attention so I could hitch a ride. Luckily a nice guy noticed me and helped me get to town. I just hope my skirt wasn’t so short that he could catch a peek of my you know what.
Sigh. It’s hard for me to admit, but what I wouldn’t give to be wearing a nice pair of panties right about now…
Thankfully nothing came of it. He was able to drop me off right at the British Embassy where she was still staying. I said a kind “Merci beaucoup,” to my driver, and made my way inside.
I was greeted by a dour man, who obviously wanted to know what I was doing here.
“May I help you?” He asked, whose body language belied his otherwise formal greeting.
“Yes,” I said, still having some trouble readjusting to speaking human words. “I was hoping to see Miss Elizabeth Yves.”
“I see,” he replied. “Do you happen to have some form of writing or proof of your meeting with her?”
Geez, this guy’s getting way too official here. I’m just her friend for Gaia’s sake. Did I really need some documentation for that?
I didn’t know what to say. I began to speak up, telling him I had no such thing. “I-”
I was immediately interrupted from behind me I heard a voice calling out my name.
“Ithycca?”
I turned around to see Eliza, who just came downstairs. It was rather fortuitous as it saved me a lot of grief from dealing with that guy.
I was so happy. It may have been only three weeks, but it was three weeks too long. Finally I was able to reunite with her.
“Eliza!” I cried as I rushed over to her. We quickly embraced in a long lasting hug. “I missed you so much,” I whispered to her as I tried to hold back tears.
“I did too,” she replied, sharing my sentiments. “Let’s get you upstairs. You must’ve been through a lot.”
I smiled as I followed her to her room. I was so wonderful being with her again. The hug was just as spectacular…
…Yet was I happy because she was a good friend, or was it something more? Because for some reason, I didn’t feel anything, yet.
Please let me feel something, I pleaded to myself. Please don’t let this be true!
A long time ago, the Earth blessed four spirits, making them gods. The gods of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, oversee their realms, creating sentient creatures to help cultivate their lands. These beings constantly war over each other, eventually driving the servants of Water, the Merfolk, to extinction. Millennia later Kyle Weathers receives a gift from an old but mysterious lady while working in Haiti. This gift will change his life forever.
Ithycca
Chapter 9
Gaia, the Therapist
by AoifeM
I rushed inside her apartment, using whatever superhuman strength I had to carry my sweet Eliza onto her bed. We were in the throes of our own lust, stroking each other’s bodies as we kissed all over. She seemed abnormally aggressive; the most of the time she was so demure. But I liked this behavior out of her; it felt so right.
Setting her down on her bed she tugged at my arms and pulled me down with her. With her flipped over on my waist she ripped open my buttoned up blouse, exposing my perky breasts, awaiting her pleasure. My mind was searching for the words I felt as she lightly grazed each areola with her fingers. Cupping them, squeezing them; I soaked it all in, each time raising the pitch of my voice as I gasped in approval.
I just lie back and let her do her thing. I felt her face nuzzling every little part of me. I wanted her to go further. I wanted to see just how real Gaia’s glamour really was! Take me you wonderful human you! Take me all the way!
I could feel my pants slide all the way down onto the floor, leaving all of me for her taking.
…Wait. Her taking? What can she take? I’m confused. What exactly does she have?
I don’t know what was happening. My subconscious was being tied into knots, trying to understand what I was truly wanting. I wanted her in me! Her…in me? This didn’t compute.
“It’s okay,” A baritone voice assured me. I looked down in front of me and found Doug, looking down on me in all of his naked glory. “I understand what you really want. Just lie back and relax. Just let go, and I’ll handle the rest.”
I didn’t know why. I’ve beaten myself constantly, trying to fight against these invading thoughts, but now I gave in. I couldn’t take this urge any longer. I needed what he and only he could provide.
With my eyes staring at the ceiling I could feel the sudden prick from his penetration. I opened my mouth in surprise, and then slowly exhaled as I took all the euphoria within me. I moved up in down, and in my head I knew…it felt good.
“More!” I screamed as the motion kept getting faster. “More!”
I was reaching my peak…I could almost feel it…with one gasp of air I yelled…
“Doug!”
I was in Eliza’s bed; the room was pitch dark. The only thing you could hear was the sound of the ceiling fan running overhead, and not even that could muffle the reverb from the name I just shouted from overhead.
I was hoping Eliza didn’t hear me- she offered me her bedroom for the night as she slept out front on her couch. I didn’t want her to think I’m over her, which to be honest I don’t know what she thinks yet. If there’s even a fleeting chance that she may feel something for me still, then I was determined to reach out for it, gender be damned.
And no, I still didn’t understand the whole love issue. Why did it matter who I loved? There are many ways for someone to make love with someone, right? I didn’t need THAT.
And why does it have to be a sexual thing anyway? I love Eliza because she was there for me. We had similar goals and we were easy going people. She just loved to have a good time and at the same time she was hard working enough to achieve anything she set out to do. She was like my other half, or at least she was while I was still a guy.
Now I felt like my personality has shifted dramatically. My goals were so vague anymore I don’t even know whether I’m accomplishing them or not. I’ve become extremely insecure and can’t seem to have a good time without reflecting on how much I’ve lost, let alone the threats from every being imaginable.
I just couldn’t believe how difficult it was for me to picture myself with another woman. I was the woman. I was dreaming up things I never thought I would in my life. And what’s worse was I was enjoying it. It didn’t matter in what way or what manner, whether dominant or submissive, even if I started thinking about making love with a woman my dreams would always shift to being with a man at the end.
In the battle of the sexes, I felt like I put a lot of money on the male in me to win, or at least keep some of its personality within me. Now I’ve realized how much of a losing bet it was, and I was getting desperate to do anything I possibly could to give it a fighting shot, if nothing else.
Morning came and it wasn’t a moment too soon. I needed to get out. It’s been a good week since I returned from my long excursion, and ever since then I’ve been inside, and when I wasn’t catching up with Eliza I was thinking about my shaky sexual orientation. It wasn’t the healthiest of things.
I was soaking in Eliza’s bathroom tub. It was rather constricting compared to the openness I had from swimming across the sea, but it at least kept me hidden from unwanted human eyes. I didn’t want to be the next bigfoot, being chased all over globe.
Eliza came in with a new change of fresh clothes, something quite different from the normal t-shirt/skirt combo I was accustomed to. “Must’ve sucked having to have worn the same clothes the entire trip through,” she assumed. “I brought you a gift. I figured these would be a lot more comfortable for you, at least when walking around on land.”
I looked at her attire: a lime green spaghetti strap shirt, a blue ballerina skirt, and yellow matching bra and underwear. Even with the bras and skirts I’ve learned to wear, albeit begrudgingly, this had to be the most effeminate clothing I’ve worn to date. I looked at her, and not trying to be rude I cordially replied, “Thank you.”
Eliza giggled a little bit. “It’s funny, it wasn’t but a few weeks ago and you were so vehemently against wearing stuff like that.”
“Well,” I commented. “I suppose things change when you’ve been out in sea for a few weeks. Just a lot I’ve had to think about.”
“I suppose that would be the case,” she agreed. “Must have had plenty to ponder. I’m just glad you’re starting to accept yourself, even if that’s a small plus.” She turned and walked out of the bathroom. I didn’t really appreciate that last comment.
It wasn’t like I wanted to accept myself. Let’s be honest here, I wear skirts because it’s adaptable when I go from tail to legs. The bra is only for covering up for the sake of not attracting a bunch of bread dead, perverted men, and even having to think about men as if their minds were located in their penis made me feel like a misandrist. But, even with these additional talents I had I needed to be careful.
But, if anything I have grown accustomed to my new form. Everything was starting to be routine: the hours I needed to swim, the hours I wandered the surface. I was juggling normal human life with the life of a mermaid. But I’d do anything for Eliza, even multitask if need be.
I made my way out of the bathroom wearing her new batch of clothes. I felt kind of odd how womanly I felt. My midriff was shown, my legs as smooth and silky as the skirt blossomed like a flower in bloom. My assets were out front and center. It almost was as if these clothes were intricately designed for me in mind. In fact this doesn’t seem like anything Eliza would wear at all!
“I knew those clothes would just scream you!” she exclaimed. “I’m kind of glad when I bought them.”
“You bought them?” I cried, wondering when and where she would have the chance at doing that. “When did you go out and do that?”
“A few days ago,” she admitted. “And I must say they look hot on you!”
“Really?” I said as my ears perked up.
“Yeah!” she reiterated. “A real knockout.”
It made me feel good to hear her say that. It made me feel like there was a chance she still wanted me, as long as my feelings agreed with me.
She quickly vanquished my good vibes as she made her announcement. “I’m going to have to head out to work Ith,” she stated. “There’s still a lot of clean up to get done; a lot of people to be helped. I’ll probably be back later this evening.”
She gave me a warm hug. My brain told me, kiss her damn it! Prove to yourself you still love her! Yet my heart was very passive, telling me, what are you doing? This makes no sense! Why would you kiss someone you haven’t connected with?
She let go of me before I could prove my heart wrong. “Get out a little, won’t you?” she suggested. “You’re a free woman now, you haven’t any obligation to anyone anymore, you should live a bit, get used to yourself. It’ll do you good.” She opened the door, and said, “I’ll see you later, Ithycca.” She shut the door behind me, leaving me to my thoughts.
And how they began to eat at me. Damn it how I wish there was a way I could just rid of them! Why can’t I keep this one, major part of me: the last vestige of my masculinity?
Then it hit me- Gaia. I have been so caught up with Eliza I totally forgot about her! Maybe she could help me sort things out; staying here wouldn’t make it any easier.
So without further ado, I decided to head out, hoping that this time she wouldn’t teleport me out into the middle of nowhere.
Outside I didn’t look any different from any other Haitian on the street, and yet I had a feeling that all eyes were on me. At first it creeped me out, but yet as I saw the men continuously throwing glances my way I started to feel a rush of pride. You’re damn straight I look good! I couldn’t help but bask in the exposure.
I reached Gaia’s house, and in record time too. I felt flattered by all the attention I was getting, but I almost felt if it kept up I would be responding with advances of my own. I knocked on the door, and one of Gaia’s children opened it in response.
Kneeling down in front of the little young boy, I stated, “Salut, grand homme! Ta má¨re est ici?”
He nodded and screamed inside the house, “Maman! Cette dame de poisson bizarre veut te voir!”
“Hey!” I yelled at the little brat. I’m not a weird fish lady. He knew he was in trouble and immediately ran off to safety. He was lucky, that little weasel!
“My son be givin’ you trouble, dear?” I heard as the voice startled me from behind. I reflexively turned around to find Gaia standing there.
“Why can’t you just greet me normally?” I asked her, wondering if she gets a kick raising my blood pressure.
“And what be the fun of dat, now?” she inquired. “Besides, it be good to test out your reaction. Tells me how hard you be working.”
“Speaking of that,” I began, “I need to get a few things off my chest, and maybe you can help.”
“I can’t do much ‘bout that!” she replied. “Would be difficult fillin’ out that shirt wit’ out them, eh?”
“Not those!” I yelled, although if she could I’d be so ready to accept it. “My thoughts. My head has been going around in circles and I feel like I’m being overwhelmed by everything going on inside of me.”
“Hmmm,” she thought, “perhaps I may have a bit a time for ya. Come in.” I obliged as I made my way to her couch. My life is full of the supernatural. If I had a real therapist they’d probably call me clinically insane. But Gaia’s is no ordinary therapist.
“So, young lady,” she began, “What do you need be sayin’ to your good ol’ Aunt Gaia?”
“Well,” I began by gathering my thoughts, as disorganized as they seemed. “I’m losing myself. I don’t know who I am anymore. It’s hard to tell where on life ends and one life begins. My past life, ten thousand years ago, my male life, and now this; I just don’t know what to do anymore!”
“If you’re losin’ yourself,” she remarked, “you should look to a mirror.”
“This isn’t funny!” I told her, feeling like this is just some game to her. “Every single day another part of my former self gets replaced. It’s like my memories of my male life is slowly coming to an end! I can’t even remember my former name!”
“It be Kyle, hon,” she reminded me. Hearing it felt so odd. That couldn’t be right, I thought to myself. But why couldn’t it?
I kept on expressing my feelings, just letting loose everything I had. “And the worst part is, I don’t even know if I love women anymore! I’ve lived 22 years of my life, and all I can think about; my fantasies and dreams, all revolve around being with a man!”
She sighed at me. I almost believe that she finds this a waste of her time. But she gave me her advice anyway. “Listen, Ithycca. You be making too much out of this. Your name, you desires; those be nuthin’ more than the reality of your life as of right now. You’re a woman, born in the most atypical of matters. Born naturally, you be never rememberin’ the lives you had the past. What be happenin’ now, is just similar. The life you had as Kyle will vanish. You will most likely forget everything about that life: your family, your hobbies, your wants and desires. That be fairly certain.”
That hit me like a shockwave. My life as Kyle…gone? Cease to exist, like I couldn’t even remember? That was too much to bear.
I put my hands on my face and began to sob wildly. Why? Why did this happen to me?
“What was the point!?” I screamed. “Why did I even become Kyle when all of that life would wind up as a vanishing dream!?”
“There be more to life than just the moments and the memories,” she stated. “What feelings did you take out of it? What behavior? Did it make you better or worse than before? That be the purpose of all life. To live, pick up new thoughts and behaviors, die, and move on with those abilities. That is true evolution of the soul. If in one life you were a complete monster, you take with you those same traits. Yet, if in one life you were compassionate, that too would carry over. That is why every life is important. Take that what you may.”
She handed me a tissue as I couldn’t help crying my eyes out. It still was too much to believe.
“And as for your current issues with lust,” she continued. “Maybe you should stop tryin’ to think about it. It seems that the more you be worryin’ about the more you pay attention. That be why your mind be messed up.”
She was right. I just needed to take things as it may and ignore it. I knew it might be difficult, but who knows? Perhaps with enough temperance I can actually see myself loving Eliza again, even if she may not have everything my body desires.
I gave my aunt a hug as she comforted me. “Seriously,” she replied, “look in the mirror sometime. Don’t remind yourself about your pasts, just look at yourself and tell yourself what you think you truly be. There be nuthin' to be ashamed of.”
I thanked her for spending the time with me. I thought she did a good job helping me, or at least I thought I did. Perhaps I didn’t understand her completely enough…
Evening came, and I was sure that Eliza would be home by now. I hoped I hadn’t made her worry too much. Yet when I opened the door I was in for a big surprise.
“Kali?” I cried out in utter befuddlement.
“Hey there, princess!” She crooned. “You didn’t forget about lil ol’ me, didja?”
(In order to make a more detailed and complete universe, I wanted to focus on the stories of the other major characters of Ithycca. This one will feature both Ithycca's friend and supporter, Eliza, and the rambunctious Djinn girl Kali. Enjoy!)
Ithycca Sidestories
Chapter 9.5
My Best Frienemy
By AoifeM
When I started doing volunteer work, I was doing it for the sake of the people whose lives had suffered. I was always a compassionate individual. Plus, just going out to see the world was interesting in its own right.
I didn’t expect how much of the world I would actually see- far beyond the normal cardinal directions of north, south, east, and west. Beyond my wildest imaginations as in fact. I was rather fond of Kyle Weathers. I thought he made a good friend in what was otherwise a rather lonely and unfamiliar place. Perhaps a part of me wished for a little more.
However, my life turned upside down when that same man became something I could only imagine in fairy tales: a mermaid. He changed gender and everything. The idea that such mythological creatures did exist, that magic truly wasn’t just sleight of hand, but an actual, supernatural phenomenon; that blew me away.
But I knew he- or now she was even more shocked than I was. I was but an observer; he was actually experiencing it! Having your life change so drastically, so immediately, made my fright meager in comparison.
So, even with little knowledge understanding a mermaid’s…physique, I did what I could to help her. Sure I tried to keep things as light hearted as I possibly could. I even joked about the situation, hoping to at least relieve some of the tension. I felt as if the only one that was positively affected by it.
Still sometimes I wonder, even now, if she understands even a modicum of my own feelings, because it’s not like this isn’t stressing me out either! I keep quiet about my concerns however; I didn’t want her to worry any more than she has already.
Putting my hand over my doorknob to my apartment, I was surprised to see my door was unlocked. I knew that somehow Ithycca could grow legs at this point. I didn’t have a clue how, but I just went with it. Most stories I was told when I was a little girl suggested that some form of magic allowed her to do that. I just hope she didn’t have to sacrifice her soul or anything else important to some “Real Life Ursula.”
In either event I assumed that she must’ve gone off and forgot to lock the door behind her. Seems like even after all she’s been through she still has some annoying masculine habits left in her. I suppose I should reprimand her when she returns.
Opening the door came an even bigger surprise. My room was being invaded by some latina girl with golden blond locks. The women already went through my wine cabinet, as I saw her pop open my bottle of vintage chardonnay and let the fizz run down to my carpet. I already knew she was going on my shit list.
“Who are you?” I yelled. “What are you doing in my home? And what the fuck are you doing ruining my perfectly good carpet?!”
The woman was fooling around, looking all over, almost toying with me. She knew there was absolutely no one else around that I was referring to. “Oh, me?” The woman asked, making a pouty face as she pointed a finger towards herself.
“I don’t see anyone else invading my home without my consent!” I angrily told her.
And with a quick 180 ° her pouty frown turned upside down. “I like you,” She replied enthusiastically while avoiding all my questions. “I could see why Ithy would dig such a lady like you. Not afraid to take charge, no siree bob! I guess spending her past life doing all the handiwork; even I would wanna take a break and let someone else do the heavy lifting for me. I better write that down! Gotta keep these things in mind you know? That’s what keeps a relationship healthy!”
I didn’t get what she was babbling on about. There was truly only one thing she stated that stood out in my mind.
“You know Ithycca?” I asked, surprisingly.
“Well, of course!” She answered. “Why else would I have gone so far to arrive here unannounced?”
She seemed to give off a rather shady vibe. She obviously wasn’t afraid of me, or worried that I caught her. I decided to proceed carefully. “Well, she isn’t here at the moment,” I stated, feeling a little uneasy. I could tell- this was no ordinary woman.
“Oh, I know,” She declared. “She’s not the one I wanted to see; at least not yet.”
Now I knew I could panic.
“What do you want?” I yelled as I nervously began to back up.
“Well, Eliza,” She began; her mischievous smile and her knowledge of my name only made me feel even more discomfort. “I guess I’ll have to be totally honest with you. I like Ithy. I mean, I really, really like her. And yet here she is, getting all cozy with you. I mean, honestly, what do you have that I don’t? I’m lovable and I know how to have a good time! Hell, give me the opportunity and I can create fireworks with just the wave of my finger!”
“You’ve got it all wrong!” I desperately tried to relay to her. “I don’t like her like that! I don’t like women! As much as he was interesting back when he was Kyle, I can’t see her like that. If she wants to hang with you, then go for it! Leave me out of this!”
“I wish it was simple, my human friend,” she countered. “But as long as you’re in the picture she won’t even notice me. I’m just trying to root out the competition, so to speak.”
“So you’re gonna kill me?” I retorted, already preparing for the worst. “Just like that?”
“Kill you?” She repeated, stunned. “I’m not some murderer! Heck, once I have her wrapped around my little finger I was gonna let you go anyway! Maybe once this is all over with we’ll be great friends.”
You sure have a weird way of making friends, I couldn’t help but think to myself.
I didn’t even finish my train of thought before I realized I was transported out of my home and into a wide open desert. Being the middle of the night I couldn’t believe the chill that was present.
“Ah, the wonders of Gate control,” Gaia gleefully replied. “You humans oughta try it sometime. Better than paying for airline travel.”
“Where am I?” I yelled in astonishment. “What the hell did you do?”
“Don’t need to be bitchy,” she replied. “Just sent you out in the Sahara for a little bit! Just till my little date is done!”
“Are you mad!?” I asked, even though in my mind I already knew the answer. “I’ll freeze out here!”
“Geez-Louise!” She shouted. “You humans and your body temperatures!” She began to cast a spell which surrounded me with a barrier of fire. “There! You see? What are frienemies for?”
I almost was ready to tackle that bitch. Yes, she was obviously more powerful, and such rash behavior wasn’t the most logical solution. But when taken out of your comfort zone, sometimes you throw logic out the window.
“Send me back!” I demanded with my fists clenched and face seething.
“Sorry!” She told me, not intimidated at my rising anger. “I’ll check up with you soon! Promise!”
And with a flash of light she was gone.
“Damn you!” I shouted at the top of my lungs. “Come back!” I knew yelling was pointless however. Out here, no one can hear me.
My stomach began to growl. Hours past and that childish woman didn’t even consider that I could starve out here. And yet, even if I could hunt or gather food in a place like this, this barrier she put up was a double edged sword; sure it kept me warm, but it also prevented me moving from this very spot.
I lied down and put my arm over my head, coaxing my stomach to settle down. I was feeling a little weak. And without any sustenance I felt that the best thing I could do at this moment is save my energy, as little as I had.
Suddenly I was greeted with an oddly reddish hand, holding out what seemed to be a drink of some sort. I didn’t worry about what was giving me this; I just grabbed it and began to chug it down.
“Consider it a free gift,” The strange figure replied. “An apology for your treatment by my little sister.”
Sister? I immediately stared upward at the person, and realized, he looked like the Devil!
I immediately scuttled back in fright, he didn’t seem to be thrilled by my reaction.
“Please,” The demonic man pleaded. “Do not be alarmed. What you hear in those fairy tales and religious texts defile our very nature.”
“What…” I started to stutter, “What are you?”
“I am Said,” he replied. “I am Djinn. I see that you have met my younger sister, Khalifa, or Kali, as she prefers to be called.”
“She doesn’t look anything like you!” I exclaimed, frightened to death at the fiery presence before me.”
“She must be under a glamour,” he assumed. Seeing that I wasn’t going to be any more comfortable around his devilish appearance, he casted his own “glamour” to appear human.
“Does that make you feel more at ease?” he asked cordially.
“A little,” I replied, even though I still didn’t understand why he didn't just do that in the first place.
“Gaia is a good soul,” he stated. “Bless her heart that she allows us these spells to adapt to your society, even if it’s most temporary.”
That explained Ithycca being able to walk on land.
“I remember Ithycca talking to me about someone with that name," I remarked, "although I myself have never met her. She apparently gave her the scale that turned her into…well.”
“Yes,” he informed me. “Who knew she had possession of such a powerful artifact? And to believe she would use it; it is very interesting indeed.”
“I don’t get it,” I admitted. “Why Kyle? Why not anyone else?”
“He was obviously the reincarnation of the late Princess,” he answered. “Still, her existence wasn’t going to go unnoticed. Even Lord Efreet is having trouble deciding what to make of it all.”
“And what is your purpose, anyway?” I asked.
“We’re fairly neutral,” he told me. “We Djinn live in a free society. We do what our heart desires. That tends to be good, or bad, as you can see from your circumstance.”
“No kidding,” I seconded his notion.
“Most of us prefer to work alongside other species. We specialize in mercantilism. We could be considered the one who taught humans the art of trade and bargaining. The stories of Three Wishes? Nothing more but a sample, a trial offer of what we could offer, if the price is right.”
“That’s pretty amazing,” I remarked. All of a sudden it felt like history was being retold right in front of me.
“Of course, that’s where the ideas of soul stealing, and blood sacrificing came along. Obviously the Angels didn’t appreciate our business.”
“Angels?” I replied. “You’re trying to tell me they’re the bad guys?”
“No,” he answered. “We’re just polar opposites. We live as individualists. Angels are collectivists. Much like the Catholic Church; while there are many priests and cardinals and bishops who have their own interpretation of the words of Yahweh, the Pope has the final say. Angels follow the same model. Most Angels cannot comprehend our line of thinking, and to be honest, I don’t understand them just as well.”
Chaos versus order, I realized in my own head.
“I must again apologize for the mess my sister has put you in,” He repeated once again.
I grew comfortable with him enough to the point I could ask him. “Could you perhaps get me out of this place?” I wondered.
“For the sake of my own guilt,” he replied, “I will do what I can. However I cannot dispel the barrier, which is blocking all magicks from within. Only Kali can do that. However, being Djinn, fire doesn’t hurt me. I can walk in and out of the barrier without trouble. If you don’t mind waiting a little longer I can have a “talk” with my little sister. Although I know she may be quite the troublemaker, but I doubt she’d just leave you to die. However, maybe with my assistance we can shorten your time spent here.”
I sighed, knowing I wasn’t going to get anything better than this. But it’s not like I have anything better to do. “Alright,” I reluctantly accepted.
“Then it shall be done,” he affirmed. “Shall I show you my wares before I leave you then?”
“Wares?” I said, unsure where he was heading.
“Yes,” Said began. “No offense to your situation, but there isn’t a better customer than one who’s trapped outside in the middle of nowhere.”
“And you know this how?” I asked, acting like the wife of a TV sitcom family who just knows her husband is hiding something.
“Heheh,” he nervously chuckled, scratching the back of his head in embarrassment. “I suppose I shall go now!”
And as he left the barrier he immediately vanished. Hopefully he’ll be able to take care of my little “problem.”
A long time ago, the Earth blessed four spirits, making them gods. The gods of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, oversee their realms, creating sentient creatures to help cultivate their lands. These beings constantly war over each other, eventually driving the servants of Water, the Merfolk, to extinction. Millennia later Kyle Weathers receives a gift from an old but mysterious lady while working in Haiti. This gift will change his life forever.
Chapter 10: The Tangled Webs We Weave
Quickly the young minx rushed over and threw her arm around my shoulder, guiding me over to the sofa ahead of me.
“You must be worn out doing whatever it is you Mermaids do!” Kali assumed as I had a seat on the couch below me. Yes, she did have a point. I was worn out. I was worn out from all the mental strain that has become a constant symptom of my new life. And her impromptu appearance from out of nowhere isn’t setting my mind at ease.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded to know. “Where’s Eliza?”
“Oh, don’t worry about her,” she tried to assure me as she headed to the wine cabinet. “She knows I’m here. I bet you don’t know, but we happen to be reeeaaalll good friends.”
Somehow I had a hard time believing that one.
“So I just told her, hey, take a night off!” she continued. “You’ve been spending a lot of time helping Ithy, and I figured I could take some of the load for her.” She came back with a bottle of champagne as she quickly popped the cork. “Want some?”
“I think the word ‘help’ has a very different meaning between you two,” I informed her.
“Oh?” She wondered. “How so?”
“For one thing,” I began. “She knows better than to not get me drunk. Dehydrates me.”
She just shrugged, and proceeded to down the bottle by herself, which is surprising for such a petite looking girl. She belched fire as a result, much like a dragon exhaling after a deep breath. I didn’t appreciate the fact that this very powerful Djinni standing before me was the ultimate party girl.
“Hehe,” she giggled, embarrassed at her unwomanly behavior, or at least pretending to be at least. “Sorry!”
“This is seriously too weird,” I said as I stood up and walked over to the bedroom, hoping that maybe Eliza was there, though I wasn’t holding my breath. But Kali kept trying to real me back in immediately getting in front of me.
“Hey, hey!” she cried. “Don’t leave! I can do better! Honest!” I rolled my eyes. She’s obviously hiding something, and if she did something to Eliza, I didn’t have any time to play these games.
She dragged me to the kitchen table. Obviously it won’t be easy getting by her; she is a powerful pyromancer after all, plus I wouldn’t want to be on the receiving end of her hooks- I can only shudder to think about getting one of those snagged in my gills like a helpless fish. I would rather avoid conflict as much as possible. Perhaps by sticking around I could get her to divulge Eliza’s location. She does seem to be easy to coax, at the very least.
“You know,” She began, “you may not know it, but I’m quite a chef! Wait here I’ll make you something!” She rushed back into the kitchen. Looking underneath the cabinets and into the refrigerator to try and impress me with her “talent.” Honestly I just wished that she could get it through her thick head that I’m not interested in her. Hell, even as a man she wouldn’t be my style. I liked a girl with a sense of responsibility; sure, having a sense a humor is a plus, but there’s a difference between having a good time and…this! This keeps up Eliza’s place may collapse in a fiery inferno!
“Ah ha!” She yelled, taking a fresh chicken breast out from the freezer. “How about some chicken parmesan? I guarantee it’ll be so delicioso!” She grabbed a pan and began to put the ingredients together. She actually seemed to have a cooking acumen, measuring each ingredient to its exact amount. Color me impressed.
Of course that all ended as she proceed to hold the pan in the palm of her hand and began to cook it to a charred brick. Apparently she didn’t know how to control the intensity of her powers.
Or she was oblivious to the fact Humans, or me for that matter, don’t eat things burnt to a crisp. She got a good whiff of the atrocious aroma, and apparently approved of it. Giddy, she put the blackened remains on a plate and ran it back to me. One smell was enough to make my stomach upset. I couldn’t hold it as I ran to the bathroom. This seriously had become the most challenging situation I’ve encountered at this point. Not even the Angel was this scary.
After a few minutes in the bathroom I slowly made my way out, praying that the terror that was Kali wasn’t waiting on me. My prayer went predictability unanswered.
“Are you okay?” She asked, concerned.
I was obviously getting fed up with everything. “Why don’t you use the stove!?” I yelled.
“That box that’s in the kitchen?” She wondered. “So that’s what that is! I always thought it was a heated chair!”
I facepalmed. Was she seriously that dense?
I needed to sit down, as this was beginning to be too much. I already had a headache, and I’m sure that by throwing up I lost a lot of my hydration. Having to gurgle a bottle of mouthwash didn’t help matters, as that just gave me another chore to clean up after.
Kali walked over to me and sat down beside of me. She did seem rather guilty for all the things she did.
“I guess I’m not the best hostess, huh?” She pouted. “I’m so sorry this didn’t turn out better.”
I just sighed in disgust. I appreciate she at least admitted it.
“It’s just, Ithy,” she continued, “I really, really like you. When I was a little girl I was so enthralled about our world’s mythology and the Merfolk and everything. People called them scary, warmongering people, but I don’t think that was necessarily true! And now that you’re here, I have a chance to understand you a little better. And ever since, I’ve been watching. I saw how lonely you were. And I wanted to be there. I wanted you to realize you’re not alone.
She moved closer to me. I didn’t feel scared of her anymore. I actually feel sorry for her. And maybe I felt a little guilty as well. It was true, I was lonely. I felt like I was the only person in the world. I wanted to find my place in the world. When I was Kyle, I had it. And so much I wanted to retain that. But I’ve lost it.
But, I just don’t like Kali like that. I don’t even know if I love Eliza like that, as much as I wanted to believe otherwise. I wanted some hope, some gleaming promise that I still have a little bit of the old me inside me, that I do love women, but not like this.
“Kali,” I began, “I really appreciate all you have done for me. You’ve saved my life, and it’s obvious everything you do is because you really do care for me.”
I put my hand over hers. I never looked forward to rejecting someone. “Kali, it’s true, I’ve been lonely. I won’t deny that. But it’s because of friends like you, and Eliza, that makes me feel like I matter, that I’m loved. But Kali, please don’t take this the wrong way, but I just can’t love you like that. I’m truly, truly sorry.”
My words hit her like a ton of bricks. I could see the tears welling up in her eyes, and I’m surprised a Djinni could do that.
“No!” She blurted as the tears began to run down her face. “I know you love me! I can make you love me!”
She forcefully began to jump onto me and pulled my face into hers, kissing me aggressively, trying desperately to get me to feel something, anything. But it all felt wrong. It felt like that dream- like something was missing. And the manner she was doing all of this didn’t make it any better.
I struggled but eventually I was able to push her off. I stumbled off the couch, and stood up. Our eyes met, and both of us could see the pain and sadness on our faces.
“Why?” She yelled. “Why can’t you love me?”
“Kali…” I meekly said. I just didn’t know what to do now.
Suddenly another man popped up out of thin air and entered the scene. “Khalifa!” he yelled. “That’s enough!”
“Said!” Kali blurted out. Obviously these two had some connection.
“Do you know what you’re doing?” he asked.
“But…Ithy,” she sobbed.
“She doesn’t love you like that, Kali,” he replied. “And as a result, you’re not only hurting Ithycca, the one you supposedly love, but also her friend, who had nothing to do with this!”
“I just didn’t want her to get in the way!” she exclaimed.
“She doesn’t even like her that way!” he remarked. “She is a straight woman!”
That shook me to the core. She didn’t like me like that? She knows…she knows I was once a man! She knows that deep inside I still wanted to maintain and eventually reclaim my manhood! Can’t she at least see this?
“My sister,” Said continued. “I know you love Ithycca very much. But if you truly love her, you would support her in any of her decisions. I know it’s hard, but trust me, don’t think of it like she doesn’t love you. She does. But there are some things that some people can’t do. Physically, she just can’t find you attractive. But emotionally, she loves you as much as anyone.
Physically!? I thought to myself. Kali is knockout damn it! If anything that shouldn’t have been the least likely reason I wasn’t attracted to her! Yet, even looking at her I couldn’t feel anything. Nothing! Damn it! I know I can find her hot!
They were still talking in the background.
“I suppose I can deal with that,” Kali replied, still sobbing. “I’m sorry, Ithycca. I just…”
Said interrupted, “Kali, I think you have someone trapped out in the middle of nowhere you need to free.”
“Yeah,” she replied. “Care to come along, Ithy?”
“Please,” I pleaded, “take me to her.”
I was summoned into a desert. It was rather immediate, and my cold bloodiness couldn’t compensate from the sudden change of temperature. That wasn’t the true focus of my mind. No, my focus was directed to the person that sat there waiting to be rescued, and most likely she was waiting impatiently.
“Ithycca!” Eliza cried as she ran up and hugged me. I felt confused. Does she really find me unattractive?
“You’re free,” Kali said, still looking a little depressed. “I’m…sorry I did this to you.” It didn’t sound all that sincere, but I doubt Eliza cared. She was just happy she was free.
“We’ll take a small leave of absence, for now,” Said declared. “I think we have caused enough trouble for now.”
“I’m sorry to hear that,” Eliza replied. What, you really wanted them to stick around?
“I’m sure we’ll meet again,” he assured us. Chances were, I could count on that. “Let us take you back to your home.”
And with a flash of light we were back home. It was just me and Eliza.
A few minutes past since we've returned. My mind was so caught up in anger and confusion. I tried to calm down, but it was futile. Does she even see me as Kyle anymore?
“God,” Eliza began. “It feels so good to be home.”
But I wasn’t in the mood to feel “good.” I needed answers. I needed to know.
“Did you love me?” I asked her point blank.
“What?” She replied, honestly wondering where that came from.
“Back when I was…when I was male!” I reiterated, obviously frustrated that again I forgot my old name.
“Ithycca…” She said.
“Is that all you see now?” I continued to interrogate. “Is all I am Ithycca to you?”
“Kali was right,” She realized. “I just was too naíve to realize it.”
“Realize what!?” I wondered, my anger getting the best of me.
“That you still have feelings for me!” She answered. “I mean, I knew the possibility could be there, but, I didn’t think you would actually consider it.”
“Consider it?” I continued. “Damn it, Eliza! All I know, all that I was; it's disappearing right before my very eyes! I don’t even know my name anymore; my real, male name! Even this; even this is all confusing. I don’t want to lose you. You’re all I have left from my former life!”
“Ithycca,” she stated, “Look, it’s true, I did feel some with you! I did find you attractive as Kyle. But I a woman! And as a woman, I find myself attracted to men. That’s just normal!”
“But I was a man!” I made her remember, “And I don’t want to this way forever! I swear I would do whatever it takes to return to my former self!”
“But can you?” She asked. “And how long can I wait? I don’t want to be pessimistic, but I just can’t see that happening.”
“So you too,” I replied, “You too can no longer look beyond all this and realize I was someone else.”
“Tell me, truthfully,” she argued, “Are you actually in love with me for me, or are you trying to convince yourself you love me to prove you’re still male?”
I wanted to say yes; that I truly loved her. But she could see right through me. She knew I wasn’t attracted to her, or any woman, any longer.
The tears built up. I couldn’t take it anymore. I felt like I lost everything. Kyle Weathers ceased to exist at that very moment. I turned and ran out the door.
Eliza tried to run after me, hanging outside the door as she called back to me, “Ithycca! Come back!” I didn’t listen, however. I needed to be alone.
I could only think of one place that made me feel at east at this point. I pulled off most of my clothes save for my bra, and headed out to sea. At least the open waters could hide my shallow tears.
A long time ago, the Earth blessed four spirits, making them gods. The gods of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, oversee their realms, creating sentient creatures to help cultivate their lands. These beings constantly war over each other, eventually driving the servants of Water, the Merfolk, to extinction. Millennia later Kyle Weathers receives a gift from an old but mysterious lady while working in Haiti. This gift will change his life forever.
Chapter 11: If Tears Were Liquor
Drinking isn’t a healthy habit, particularly for a mermaid. It tends to dehydrate the body, and for me, that kind of thing is very important, even if I was under my glamour.
Still, I threw caution into the wind. Ever since I became Ithycca I had been on a perpetual roller coaster. I was able to do many things, breathe underwater, swim to depths unapproachable by humans, and travel ocean to ocean without need of a boat or plane. Yet, for all I gained, I lost a lot more. Eliza, who I adored. I only wish that I could have met and fallen for her earlier; back when I was Kyle.
I didn’t want to accept the truth, so I ran- or rather, swam, back to my second home in Key West. Perhaps there I could get a little privacy. Or perhaps I wanted something even more.
Like some cruel joke fate intervened as Douglas entered the pub. Under normal circumstances I would be embarrassed behaving like this, but I didn’t care. If I’m going down I’m going down hard.
He obviously looked at me, seeing my sullen visage, and came to talk with me.
“I’m surprised someone like you would be out here drinking like this,” he stated.
Woozy, I couldn’t help but giggle slightly and responded, “It’s true I’m not the strongest of drinkers. I’m just a girl, after all!”
He looked at me with disgust and worry. He put his arm over my back and grabbed my purse, handing it to me. “Come on. We should get you home.”
He escorted me out the door, me stumbling as if I was walking on Jello. I laid my head over his muscular shoulder, locking my arms around his shoulder in order to gain support. I once had shoulders like that, I thought to myself. Walking down the rainy street, I began to cuddle and nuzzle him, closing the distance between us as if I was some clingy girlfriend. But, that’s what I’m supposed to do, wasn’t I? I’m a girl, after all, and as a girl I was supposed to like boys. At least that’s what Eliza told me, bursting my bubble.
A little nervous and confused about my drunken actions, he decided to initiate conversation in hopes of me settling down.
“So…Ith,” he began as he gingerly pulled me up from his arm. “Care to tell me what happened?”
Looking at him, I replied in an almost snotty matter, “What does it matter? It’s not like you care for me!”
Shocked by my outburst, he told me, “Of course I care about you! How come you think I don’t?”
With a little chortle, I answered, “Do you know what it’s like to be lonely? I feel like I’m the only person in the world. And because of things I can’t control, my life has gone off the wall!” I could feel the tears slowly falling. I would normally resist it, but girls do this, right? That’s what I am, isn’t it? I’m obviously not manly, with this delicate little arms and perky orbs of flesh. So why fight the truth?
He put his hand on my head and stroked my hair, wet from all the rain. “I know lonely,” he said, “I’ve lived 34 years of my life. I’m still single. No family. I never have time because when I’ve finally had a chance to settle, I’m off to somewhere else, moving from ocean to ocean, scouting for new life, or whatever. Sometimes I feel I need to settle down.”
I drew myself closer to him. It wasn’t the same as being the last Mermaid on Earth, but loneliness comes in many forms.
“I don’t want to be alone anymore,” I said while sobbing up a storm.
He embraced me in a slight hug as we made our way to my place. I didn’t know what I was thinking. But I was still so drunk. I wanted to be accepted so badly. I really wanted to be Eliza’s, at least I thought I did. But I knew it could never be. How could she like someone with clearly the anatomy as her? Upon retrospect, why was I disgusted at the thought of being with a guy? He had just the parts I needed. I had a vagina, Doug had a penis. Odd how my thoughts began to make me wet. Were my thoughts giving me the go ahead?
Of course it was! My body’s been giving me the go ahead since I first met Doug! The truth was I didn’t need a woman anymore. I needed a man. I needed Doug. And how I fought time and time again, avoiding the truth which stared back at me right in front of my face!
I stared at the man that was escorting me in a whole new light. It was one of passion and desire. This time I wouldn’t fight it, or run away. I am a woman, and I will have sex with this man tonight.
How could I have loved Eliza anyway? What does she have that I didn’t? As far as I was concerned I was more attractive than that bitch anyway. Look at my body! Small, slender, curvaceous; I was a total babe.
Now Doug, there is a keeper. Strong, washboard abs, broad shoulders, rugged appearance. These things were what a woman should desire; that and maybe one other thing.
If Stockholm Syndrome was something that could happen through internal conflict, then I was definitely a victim. No longer was I fighting these feelings. In fact I was purposely forcing myself to think these thoughts; to excite myself over the proposition that I was about to do. It didn’t matter- I was a woman now, this is what women do. This is what I want. That’s what my dreams told me, right? And only after slamming down a few drinks I could finally let down all my walls and inhibitions and see things as they truly were.
We reached my apartment, and my man opened my door. A few steps in and I immediately tackled him. My horniness reached its peak, and my inhibitions were set aside. I denied myself for too long, trying to fight to gain something that didn’t belong. I was going to be the woman Eliza wants to be- no, I’ll be better! I’ll give him the time of his life!
Stumbling into my bedroom, I ripped off his shirt, buttons flying everywhere. It was quite surprising to see how strong I could be when intoxicated with lust. He himself seemed to be in a trance. Was that how a man acts when a woman forces herself on him? When I was a man I don’t think that was the case. Maybe I was already a master at my craft, which excited me even more. Like many other things, I was proving to be a natural.
I licked his bare chest upward till I reached his mouth, and passionately I kissed, tongue intertwined with mine. Oh, my sweet, sweet Dougie. His hand wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer, and how gladly I accepted! I pulled off my shirt, leaving me with just my bra. The sensations were building up and my nipples grew hard. They needed to escape! With a simple flick of my wrist I undid my strap, and my breasts were left out in the open, ready for my big man to play.
Oh, and did he. The feelings he gave me as he fondled and caressed. I resumed kissing him, moaning from the pure ecstasy. Ecstasy I’ve never felt before. I then felt something below me, moving up my leg, tenting up his pants, wanting to say hello. He was ready to get to the main event.
As wet as I was, I had to slow down and analyzed the situation, with what little train of thought I had left. Was I, a female who just a few months ago was male, ready to cross the point of no return, and actually allow him to penetrate me? I looked down at his cock, obviously erect and just itching to be let out. It must be painful having it remain all tied up in there. And for some reason, it felt so tempting.
I discarded all thought. I lower my head, and using my teeth I unbuttoned his jeans. I was a girl, damn it. My body was made for this! The only thing that could satisfy me was his pulsing cock. Eliza knew it, and now I get to find out.
Pulling down his drawers I saw it: I was astonished. It was right there, so big, so amazing. It was waiting for me, waiting for me to receive it.
Perhaps my mind fought a little bit, but my body clearly knew what was about to happen. Pulling off my pants, all that covered me was my panties. I was too far gone to put up a fight. I submitted to my urges. I wanted him in me.
“Fuck me,” I demanded, surrendering the last bit of defense as I lied there, on my bed, removing my panties and throwing them across the room. I spread my legs opening my vagina. I submitted, and prepared for the consequences.
I felt a prick as he entered me. I bent my head back, jaw dropped as I exasperated. The warm feeling of his member inside of me, moving, massaging. I let out a couple gasps; soon they turned into moans. He proceeded to pump harder and faster and I reacted, moving up and down as he was. The feelings were building inside me, I felt like I was about to burst. This was it, the big finale. And with an involuntary spasm I released, unleashing my first ever female orgasm.
He too couldn’t contain himself, and orgasmed. His cum filled the walls of my uterus, and the deed was done. I just had sex with a guy, and for all the time I fought myself for this very moment, ultimately I have never experienced anything better. Content, I fell asleep with a smile on my face, using his chest as a pillow.
The next day came. I was fully alert as my drunkenness seemed to have passed. But for the longest time I couldn’t really remember exactly what happened.
The pounding of another being’s heart that I felt underneath me gave me the first clue. Shocked I jumped out of my bed. Obviously naked, I ran to the only place I could: I ran down the hall to my bathroom.
I looked at the mirror. I could see my fake thighs were rather sticky from the intercourse I just had last night. Freaking out I sat down on my toilet seat, shaking my head, still trying to come to grips on what I just done.
What possessed me to do such a thing? And what possessed him to take advantage like that? Was I really that messed up? I mean, I was lonely, but to have sex with a guy!? Unprotected? I feared I would get pregnant!
“Well are you a mess, young lady!” a rather cheerful voice said. In a flash, Kali entered the room.
I immediately curled up into a ball, using my hands to unsuccessfully cover up my nude body.
“Geez, get a grip!” She cried, “It’s nothing I haven’t seen before! I mean, look at my sexy self!”
“What do you want?” I demanded as I pulled on my robe
With a grin, she asked, “Did you like it?”
Already fed up with her I stomped out the room.
“Oh come on! What’s the big deal?” She whined, obviously not knowing when enough was enough.
Enraged by her carefree attitude, I gave her a piece of my mind. “What do you think is wrong!? I just had sex with a guy! Unprotected! Without any care in the world!”
Looking at me she felt obliged to point, “Well, that is what your body is made for.”
She just makes it worse it worse. Do Djinn even know how to be compassionate? “What if he gets the wrong idea about me? What would he think if this was just a one night stand? What about me? What if I get pregnant?”
“Oh, you can’t get pregnant by him!” She claimed, much to my relief. “You’re a Mermaid, and he’s a land dweller. You have totally different anatomies. Your glamour is a temporary thing. And as for him, well, it wasn’t like he was really in control that night either.”
“What do you mean?” I wondered.
“Mermaid pheromones,” Kali explained, “It kind of does weird things to landdwellers, or anyone else for that matter. Don’t you read your mythology books? How else could you seduce guys so easily? I mean you can practically control him!”
I couldn’t believe it. I made him have sex with me. All against his will. I used him in order to sexually satisfy me, satisfy me in the way Eliza wouldn’t.
The tears ran down my eyes. I felt like such a whore! All I wanted was someone to care for me. How did it get this far?
Kali, seeing my tears, came to comfort me, “I don’t want to see my love cry,” she said.
I had the need to just blurt everything out, “Yes!” I cried. “Yes, I liked it Kali! I liked having sex with that man!” I admitted with the tears flowing out nonstop. “And that scares me! I don’t want that! Particularly like this! That’s not who I am!”
“Then what do you want then?”
“I-I don’t know!” I stuttered as I sobbed. “I just don’t want to lose a friend because of my dimwitted mistakes!”
Kali proceeded to plant a kiss across my cheek, “You’re just young still. You’re trying to figure yourself out. I mean, technically you’ve been dead for over 10,000 years, and back then you were still the young girl you are now. Just everything was easy back in Atlantis. As I’ve read females had their mates picked for them. You just haven’t learned the finer details of snagging a date.”
I suppose that made since. “I…”
She continued, “And think about this. Not only do you have the disadvantage of bring a princess, you also for a time were sealed as a man! Talk about making your mind go crazy!”
I laughed a little under my breath, realizing I had it harder than I realized. “You’re probably right, Kali.”
“Probably?” She said with a quizzical look, “Most definitely!” We both had a nice laugh. For all the craziness that Kali brings, I’m still glad that she’s my friend. “Anyway, you should go get dressed. You’re lucky it was raining out last night because if not you’d be charred like shrimp on the barbie!
Trying to tackle my recent problems I totally forgot about that. I probably needed to head to the ocean soon. But there’s still one problem I needed to care of. “What about Douglas?”
“Don’t worry, I handle it,” she stated. “He won’t remember anything. That’s what you wanted right?”
I really didn’t like the prospect. I knew Kali was one hell of a spell weaver, but erasing his memory seemed drastic. I still would rather never bring this up again though. I was drunk, and my inhibitions were gone. I really liked Doug, but only as a friend, and for the sake of my friendship, nothing more.
“You’re just erasing the memories from last night?”
“Yup, “She confirmed. “I can send him right back to his house, no one would be the wiser, except you of course.”
Yeah, just me, the jackass. Even after all that I don’t know if I can ever see Douglas the same way again. I suppose I just need to stay away for awhile. I have the whole ocean floor to myself, hopefully a few weeks under the sea and I can put this all behind me.
“Do it,” I said with overbearing guilt. Grabbing my swimsuit I headed for the shower, in hopes that I can wash away the last traces of residue from that night.
...The night I truly became a woman.
(In order to make a more detailed and complete universe, I wanted to focus on the stories of the other major characters of Ithycca. This one will feature both Ithycca's friend and supporter, Eliza, and the Goddess of Earth, Gaia. Enjoy!)
Chapter 11.5: The Weight of the World
It’s been weeks since I’ve last seen Ithycca. I was worried sick, even more so this time because this was in a way my fault.
I really couldn’t imagine all the mental anguish she was going through, no matter how painfully obvious it was painted on her face. Before all of this she was a man- a kind, caring, selfless man. He was very intelligent and quite funny as well. What I wouldn’t give to live those moments again.
I wish I could love her like that. I wish I could love her like she is right now. Kali didn’t seem to have any inhibitions trying to seduce her. Then again, she is a devil, literally. But loving a woman didn’t resonate with me, no matter how much I may want it. It was too unnatural.
But I didn’t want to push her away like that. Honestly I only want to help her, yet it seems like it’s impossible. I can’t empathize with something I probably will never understand.
My worry got the best of me. I had to find her. And if there was one place on this island she could go, it was to the home of that mysterious Creole lady, Gaia. I returned to the rough and dilapidated neighborhood where Ithycca and I first searched for her. Even though we’ve done our best trying to fix up the neighborhood, these things take money, and time, things we don’t always have.
I asked around the neighborhood. I was surprised how kind and helpful everyone was, even under these circumstances. They all seem to have glowing words about this “Auntie Gaia.” Eventually they led me to her humble abode. While the outside seems to be in pitiful, it seemed to be one of the least affected areas from the quake, oddly. The door to her house stood wide open, almost like it was inviting me in. Standing outside the home’s entrance was the supposed “Earth Goddess,” spinning some clay pottery. Even though her focus was directly towards her spinning, she seemed to recognize my presence.
“You needn’t be standin’ ‘round like a zombie, dear,” she began. “Come on in.”
I walked inside and had a seat on her couch. “It isn’t real safe to leave your door open,” I told her, “There could be looters.”
“They know better,” She insisted, “Besides, it be hotter than the gates of Angra Mainyu. Gods be hot too ya know?”
Angra Mainyu? No clue what that was.
“Now, Eliza,” She continued, “you obviously had a question for this ol’ woman here. Go ahead and ask it.”
“How did you know my name?” I asked, stunned. She turned to look at me sternly. Obviously she didn’t have time for semantics.
“I…I was wondering if you knew where Ithycca went,” I told her.
“Ah, Ithycca, my poor niece,” She replied. “My child, it be best if you leave her be.”
“But why?” I asked with a rise of my voice.
“I feel she be needin’ her time to herself. She has a lot of things going on in her mind. She needs to find herself. Give her space.”
I felt a tinge of guilt, but for some reason being around Gaia I felt like I could talk to her about anything. “I just…I think I may have hurt her,” I explained. “I…suppose at one time I loved her, back when she was Kyle. But now…am I wrong? She’s still Kyle in there! You would think I could see past her physical shape, but I just can’t!”
She stopped midway into finishing her pot and turned to me. “Child, love have many different forms, more than just the bumpin’ and grindin’.”
I couldn’t help myself but giggle a little bit in between the sobs that I was trying to restrain.
“Your love hadn’t changed of her,” she stated. “You still care for her. You still want to be with her. Even now you can’t stand to be apart from her. Would that be no different than being with a man?”
I suppose she had some point.
“Life has many of purpose,” She continued. “Givin’ birth be one thing, and that be why you be wantin’ a man; that be nature. But reproduction and love be two different things. Some may go farther than others, and some may never want a child to begin with. But that be okay! The Planet accepts whatever path you choose in life.”
“So what you’re saying then is?”
“I’m saying that you may be straight as an arrow, but that doesn’t make it wrong to love other people, regardless of who or what they be. That be the love of the soul. And one day, may you find a man that makes you love his soul just the same.”
I really didn’t look at things in the way before. Love of the soul, beyond any physical boundaries. I didn’t love Ithycca because of her gender; I loved her for her soul. And I may not be a lesbian, but I still wanted to be with her, because I care about her, and I want to support her.
“You know,” Gaia interrupted, bursting my train of thought, “You can always show your love for her in a different way.”
I was intrigued. “And what would that imply?”
“You claim you want to be there for her,” she explained. “However the road she travels be long and difficult. She could use someone like you. Someone who could fight alongside her.”
“What, me? Fight?” I’ve never so much as punched anyone in my life. I couldn’t fight by her side! Shoot, I mean, Kali could easily best me! Although I really don’t approve of her guarding her, if you could call it that. To me, she seemed more like a stalker. Ugh...I really disliked her.”
“So why do you let that Djinni get away with that?” She asked.
I was speechless and my jaw fell agape. Did she just read my mind?
“Come to me here my child,” Gaia instructed. I slowly gather myself and walked over to her as she was preparing a new piece of clay for spinning. Or so I thought.
Just be waving her hand over the clay she gave it life. It formed arms and legs, and pretty much was anthropomorphic, moving. She really was the Earth Goddess!
“What are we but just moving, breathing rocks?” She philosophized. “The solidity of our husks, the air in our breath, the blood of our hearts, and the heat of our souls- all connected in unity. Four elements. Much like this clay here. Clay made from sediment of the earth, moistened by water, spun by wind to mold, and dried by heat. She lowered her hand, and her miniature golem returned to a glob of putty.
“Come,” she commanded as she rose from her seat, heading outside from the back of her house. I followed right behind her.
Out near the shore she kneeled and stared at the sand below her feet. “Earth is only one part of a much greater whole,” she claimed as she grabbed a handful of sand. Standing up, she further explained, “It crushes, compresses, turning even this frail dirt…” She paused and with clenched her hand into a fist, sand and all. As she opened it, the sand turned into a beautiful garnet crystal.
“…into a thing of beauty,” she finished. She handed the gem over to me. My hand shaking I took the garnet from her. I almost thought I was dreaming.
“Tis a shame that humans forget the skills of their past,” she remarked, “Look at the magnificent masterpieces they built. The Pyramids, Stonehenge.”
“That’s how they built it?” I interrupted.
“Aye,” she replied. “And if you’re willing, I too shall teach you this power.”
“But…why?” I asked, kind of overwhelmed by the idea that I can actually learn magic.
“Because,” Gaia said, “Ithycca be one piece of the puzzle, and mayhaps even the most important one. But she is but one element. The things the Planet be requiring us to do, requires all four. Much like Kali holds the gift of fire, you hold the gifts of earth. Ithycca needs you as much as you need her. Your compassion proved to me you be worthy of this skill.”
“But why not yourself?” I couldn’t help but ask. “I mean, you’re a literal Goddess!”
“My child,” She began to explain, “I be getting old my child. Believe it or not, even I have a time limit, dear. It may be over millions of years, but even I will one day perish.”
“What?” I couldn’t believe it, God’s could die.
“Yes,” She replied, obviously reading my mind. “The other Gods wish not to believe this fact. Yahweh be fightin’ tooth an’ nail just to maintain his existence, because he fears with his death that all he built up would be destroyed. Others have their own reasons to defy the Planet’s will, but, let it be said; without an heir to pass down our skills, the planet will collapse.”
“Collapse?” I repeated, absolutely freaked out by the idea.
“Aye,” She replied. “The quake here was one of those warning signs. I’m tryin’ my best to regain control, but there be no doubt, there will be more. Tornados, floods, volcanic eruptions- they will occur with more frequency without the transfer of power.”
And then she turned to me, and stared directly into my eyes. “And that’s why I had to turn Kyle to Ithycca. It was not by choice. It be her destiny to receive the powers of her mother: the Goddess Alora. Without that, this world will end. All four elements must be balanced. If there be another way, I wouldn’t have gone to these lengths.”
“Why are you telling me this?” I wondered. “This all seems too much.”
“Because, I can sense your personality,” she replied. “You wouldn’t accept anything less than the truth. And, I would like you to be the one to eventually take my power, dear. I just needed to explain to you the severity of what I ask.”
“Gaia,” I said, unsure of what to do. To learn magic, to protect Ithycca- that was one thing. But to become a Goddess? That isn’t a decision you can make on the fly. The thought of controlling and maintaining the Planet…that was too much!”
“Come child,” She said. “The magic lessons be on the house. I’ll let you think hard on what I be askin’ of ya. If you decide against receiving my powers when the time comes, then so be it. I can find other people. I can only find one Ithycca however…”
I decided that at least the training would be beneficial. I wanted to protect Ithycca, now more than ever, now that I knew the extent of what she had to do.
And besides, maybe with this I could get even with Kali.
A long time ago, the Earth blessed four spirits, making them gods. The gods of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, oversee their realms, creating sentient creatures to help cultivate their lands. These beings constantly war over each other, eventually driving the servants of Water, the Merfolk, to extinction. Millennia later Kyle Weathers receives a gift from an old but mysterious lady while working in Haiti. This gift will change his life forever.
Chapter 12: ½ Full
There I was, in front of a crowd of hundreds who were there to celebrate this joyous occasion; a crowd of my people, my kind, the merfolk. Here I was, draped in the most beautiful garbs made of the finest of material, they were clothes made for a princess.
In front of me was a merman, stunning in appearance. He had the physique that would make any girl go gaga. His body was a physical specimen, trained to champion the cause of my people. He too, wore a finely woven garb, which only accentuated his beauty. I vividly remember this day.
Under his breath, in Merfolk tongue, I could remember his words, even now.
“With this oath we will be bound as one. The eggs you will lay will be the template to build our people’s bright future. Let us lead our people into a new golden age.”
Such words were never so eloquently spoken. How they made me weak in the fins. He was my rock, and it would be my honor to marry such a man.
I woke up from my dream. From my experiences I knew that wasn’t some hallucination. That was me, ten thousand years ago. The memories slowly but surely return to me. Something obviously triggered it.
It all began with Eliza. I wanted to be with her. At least I thought. I was trying to force myself to be something I was no longer. As a male landdweller I found her very attractive. So much I wanted to maintain that identity.
When I pressed too hard she denied me. I thought the rejection stung at first, but maybe it was the hard truth I was about to face. All it took was a few bottles of beer to lower my walls and give into my true self. When I had sex with Doug I felt so wonderful. To have him in me was a joy that I never felt as a man.
And yet, to me, guilt feels worse than rejection. That I, albeit unknowingly, used him, just so I could be with someone, anyone. Release my hormones and he’s practically under my beck and call. Even so ignorance is not an excuse for my actions that night. My behavior was inexcusable.
And with all of that the confusion set in. I still fought in my mind, although the battles were very short and rather pointless. Do I really like guys? My mind used to fight off these realizations but in my heart, I knew.
I was a girl mentally as I was physically. And the dreams proved it. I remembered him, my one and only.
Marid. Just saying that name made me feel all warm inside. He was one of my champions, or guardians of my safety and well being. At first it was a simple working relationship, but soon I found his attitude and behavior very enticing. He was a go getter; someone whom would rather be in the front lines accomplishing some major goal instead of being pent up guarding me. I shared that sentiment. Growing up I too became rather proficient at fighting; my skills with a spear were practically unmatched, even for many of our warriors.
However, I’m sure that my mother, Alora, knew of my desires. The Merfolk were a very protective society, even with my skill. The past rulers were always protected, particularly when the war between the other three races took part. Even me, being a Demigod, was proved too sacred just to lead into battle head on. That’s why Alora knew that his influence would most likely drive me to go against tradition and fight alongside my people.
I fell for Marid, just like I fell for Doug. That was all the proof I needed. I indeed was a mermaid, a female who naturally felt attracted to the male gender, and nothing else. I felt the most comfort with a man, protecting me, supporting me, to be assertive more often than not, particularly in the bedroom. I wanted him to take me.
Women just didn’t cut it anymore. And that would take time to sink in. Sometimes I would slowly try to immerse myself in my new sexuality. In my human form sometimes I would lay back on some highly populated beach, watching the young studs play volleyball as the sun glittered across their perspired skin. I figured the “look but don’t touch approach” was the most appropriate. And while I did find certain attractiveness in them, I still had doubts about myself. It was all so foreign and yet so normal to me. The more comfortable I was the more I could accept myself.
And still even those boys couldn’t come close to the man Marid was. He was the only one I could dream about without my inhibitions popping up. I could accept him. He was my fiancé and future husband.
And he’s gone.
All I had was the present, and by fighting my true feelings I was hurting everyone who cared for me. If I didn’t wish to be alone then I need to make amends.
The first person I really needed to apologize to was Eliza. It has been a few months since I left her. I felt bad about how it all ended. Still, I felt that I could salvage our friendship.
It’s been a good 2 months since I ran away from Eliza. Coming back once more I found it surprising how quickly Port au Prince was rebuilding itself. For all the things that humans are criticized for, in the heat of the moment, when crisis strikes, they know how to come together, regardless of race, religion, or sex. Sometimes it takes the point of view an outsider like me to realize and admire that.
Through a little investigation and by talking with some of her colleagues I heard she decided to become a full time worker here. She hasn’t returned to her homeland once, and has considered applying for citizenship. She apparently felt a kinship to the people here, and that their need for support gives her reason to remain here.
So I followed the information given to me and in my human form walked to an apartment flat right next to the coastline. It was very convenient for someone like me who needed to ocean for survival. Wonder if she was considering me when taking this place. Walking inside her residence I saw her, apparently checking up on a little kid whom apparently was getting over sickness. Turning to see me brought some sort of sparkle in her eye, although I couldn’t tell if it was from joy or anger.
Looking at her patient she said, “You look good. Now go on out and play.”
With him gone all that remained was the two of us.
“Eliza,” I began, but really didn’t have the words to express all the emotions I felt at the moment.
Putting down her stethoscope she rushed to me and held me in an embrace. “Oh Ithycca,” she cried with tears of happiness running down her cheek. I couldn’t help myself and shed a few of my own. I knew, even after all of this, she still cared for me. I was very fortunate.
10 minutes later we were in her living room, with her bringing in a couple glasses of raspberry tea. Sitting down we began to talk, and Eliza was first to break the ice.
“I’m so sorry,” she began. “I know how hard it was for you. You were a man, and here you are, unsure of what to do, or how to act.”
I stopped her, and pointed out the contrary. “No, Eliza. I was wrong. It was because of me trying to fight for my masculinity I forced myself on you. I was trying to fight for something I didn’t have, and because of that, I nearly lost what I had already: your friendship.”
“I never wanted to lose that,” she stated, “I know how awkward it is. When you hadn’t visited in awhile I assumed you never wanted to see me again. I thought my rejection caused you to move on.”
Taking a sip from my tea I replied, “Your rejection was just what I needed, Eliza. I needed a wakeup call. I needed to take the time to understand and accept what I’ve become, what I am.” Taking a deep breath I let it all out, “I…I like boys Eliza. When I yelled at you that night, I did it because I was afraid of what I had become. I felt like I was losing myself, like I said. But my love for you, that wasn’t true. I was lying to myself, and I know this now.”
She smiled, “I think you love me Ithy,” she said, shocking me. “And I love you. But I love you the way two very close straight women would love each other. I want to be there for you. I want to help you with whatever it is you’re dealing with. I just wish you’d talk to me. If I would have known what you were dealing with a little sooner perhaps we would have gotten through this.”
“I’m sorry,” I responded.
“It’s okay,” she answered. “I’m just glad you were able to sort some things out.”
“Yeah,” I meekly said, “I’m still not used to these feelings yet.”
With the smirk growing wider she suggested, “Well we could always double date sometime. I do know a couple of guys. It’ll be fun. I’ll even teach some pointers. Trust me; there is nothing more enjoyable than being pampered by a guy.”
I could imagine. I guess maybe I am a little materialistic; I am a princess after all. Having boys buying stuff for me sounded like a fantastic deal.
“I would like that a lot,” I replied.
“Hey! What about me?” I heard a voice speaking from overhead. And right on cue, Kali popped into the picture.
“Can I ever have some privacy?” I whined.
“Hey, I am your guardian, remember?” Kali taunted joyfully.
Looking at her Eliza replied, “I…guess you can always join us.”
Letting out a squeal of excitement, she exclaimed, “Yay! Just give me some time to change. This’ll be fun!”
Vanishing into thin air, Eliza looked at me, and remarked, “She is a weird one isn’t she?”
Looking back at her I shared her sentiment, “Definitely.”
We made our way to the bar- the very same one when I had my date with Eliza as Kyle so long ago. This time I was the one being escorted, this time by a man named Eric. He was joined by his friends James and Lyle. All of them were good friends with Eliza- fellow British volunteers who came to Haiti to help clean up the place after the major quake.
The bar was one of the biggest remodels. From what it was it became a best example I could think of for the progress this country had shown. Eliza, along with the three guys, made this a priority to fix up, not only because they needed a better place to hang out, but because that even the citizens need a place to get away and just enjoy their selves for a change. And it’s true that this building had a whole different atmosphere than the rest of the city outside. I was impressed.
As a treat they decided to bring us over to the hibachi and have one of their chefs in training cook up a wonderful Caribbean dish. Kali seemed to get excited at this. She immediately got my attention.
“Hey, I didn’t know this was a restaurant and spa,” she whispered.
I didn’t even know what the hell she was talking about. “What?”
“Well, isn’t that what this thing is?” she continued. “Looks like a tanning bed.”
“We cook food on it, Kali,” I told her.
“Oh,” she realized, and then commented under her breath, “Note to self. Invest heavily on hibachis, sell to Djinn as the latest breakthrough for a comfortable night’s sleep.”
I resumed facepalming. Obviously the way Djinn cook is so vastly different from us.
Talking to Eric, I began to admire the young man. He reminded me so much of myself back when I was Kyle. He was a captain of his college’s rowing team, and was trying hard to get into Oxford for his Graduate program. Most of all he seemed kind of down to earth which was a welcomed respite from all the craziness my life has recently granted me.
Seeing the progress that was being made Eliza wanted to further immense me in a woman’s culture, inviting me to “head to the ladies room” to freshen up. Why not, I figured. It gave me a little time to chat with my friends.
Shutting the door behind me, Eliza was the first to break the ice.
“So Ith,” she began. “How does everything feel?”
I answered as best as I could describe it. “It feels…nice,” I replied. “I’m enjoying it.”
“Eric is a sweet man, isn’t he?” She continued.
“He seems that way,” I said. I did think he was a swell guy, but I just didn’t feel the connection. Maybe it was because he felt so much similar to my old life, even though I could only remember bits and pieces of my life as Kyle. Or maybe it was because I was in love with someone else- someone I took advantage of.
“Isn’t this your first date as a girl?” Kali asked. “Doesn’t it feel awesome just being able to experience the other side? How now you’re the one being pampered?”
“I’m surprised myself,” Eliza stated. “I thought you like girls.”
“I do!” Kali answered. “I’m an equal opportunity lover!”
“I was initially worried you would try to run off with Ithycca again,” she admitted, “but I’m happy to see you’re behaving yourself for a change.”
“What do you mean by that!?” She asked, offended by her recent remark.
“Oh, nothing,” she replied. Suddenly Eliza waved her hand and a baseball-sized rock appears and dropped on Kali’s cranium.
“OW!” she cried, rubbing her head.
“What did you just do?!” I cried, not able to believe that Eliza just casted magic!”
“Oh, it was just a little payback for a few months ago,” She replied. “Your aunt is surprisingly a good teacher.”
Gaia was training Eliza now? For what? I wasn't so sure if I wanted her to be involved. Unfortunately I was never able to get any more information out of her. It was definitely something I'll have to bring up to her later.
“…I said I was sorry!” Kali pouted.
“And now we’re even,” Eliza remarked. It was kind of hilarious seeing Eliza with such a proud smirk on her face.
The rest of the night passed without much incident. The three guys offered to take us back to their place. Kali immediately agreed- no surprise there. Eliza also took up her date’s offer. They were mostly just friends anyway, they felt like I needed a little alone time and decided to let me have Eliza’s place tonight all to myself, if I needed to. I was nervous at the idea of being alone with some stranger I’ve haven’t gotten to completely know yet, but it looks like I was going to have much choice in the matter. Eric was going to be taking me home this night.
A long time ago, the Earth blessed four spirits, making them gods. The gods of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water, oversee their realms, creating sentient creatures to help cultivate their lands. These beings constantly war over each other, eventually driving the servants of Water, the Merfolk, to extinction. Millennia later Kyle Weathers receives a gift from an old but mysterious lady while working in Haiti. This gift will change his life forever.
Chapter 13: ½ Empty
Eric really was a gentleman. He was someone I could have really gotten used to. He didn’t have a problem escorting me to Eliza’s apartment, seeing they were obviously good friends. Using the spare key Eliza so graciously gave me, I unlocked the door and together we headed inside.
“I had a wonderful night tonight, Ithycca,” Eric began. “Your personality just seems to click with me, I don’t know why.”
“I appreciate your keeping me company,” I remarked. “It’s been awhile since I’ve…gotten back into the dating game.”
“Ended on a sour note I take it?” he surmised. In truth it was anything but. However my insecurity, along with my guilt, made it hard for me just to continue instigating such manners. I loved Doug, but, I felt ashamed by all the things I did to him. That’s why I ran away, again. And that’s what led me to the conclusion I needed to make an effort to immerse myself in my new femininity, because it felt so sad being alone.
My silence most likely told him all he needed to know. “You’re a wonderful, beautiful, funny lady, Ithycca,” he declared. “I don’t know what happened, but I could almost see it in your eyes. It wasn’t your fault. Trust me.”
Yeah…you don’t hafta deal with the pheromones.
“I appreciate all you’re trying to say,” I responded, “Trust me- I’m slowly making my way out of it. It just takes time.”
“Time goes by quicker than you think,” he countered. “You’re too beautiful to just let life pass you by.”
Beautiful, funny, wonderful: all of them were just sweet nothings being spoken into my ear, but each one caused me to melt like butter. Slowly my libido was rising; I began to feel a little confused.
“I-I just don’t know,” I said, although my body wanted to make the decision for me. I subconsciously was inching myself closer to Eric, even though I didn’t know if this was a good idea.
Yet I could see my pheromones were starting to grab a hold of him. He had that same relaxed look on his face as Doug did a few months before.
“I…I think I’m in love with you,” he said, obviously too spaced out to even think straight.
That was all I needed to hear: love. My body heard the signal and initiated the sequence as I threw my arms around him and began to passionately kiss him over and over around his face. I could feel myself falling deeper and deeper into my lust as I threw him onto the couch and pulled off his T-shirt. His chest, his abs…oh God he was gonna be a good one.
But something kept interfering with my ultimate desire. Did you forget, my subconscious reminded me. Did you forget what happened to Doug? Are you going to do the same to this man too?
I stopped midway, shocked at myself for what I was about to do. Obviously the tranced out Eric was disappointed, but luckily practically engulfed within my scent I could easily control him. Putting his clothes back on, I gave him the command to go home, that we had a very good night and none of this ever happened. He just nodded his head and I shut the door behind him.
I stood there, standing over the rails on the deck in the back of Eliza’s apartment, thinking about today’s events. Why was I doing this? Was I that shallow? Was I unable to control these behaviors?
The worst thing even if I could control my sexual urges, the people I feel attracted to, be it Doug, or even Eric, albeit in a lesser degree, couldn’t. They were enslaved by the very pheromones that I produced. Is that really love, or is it all just a lie produced by my body I had no real ability to control?
I could feel the sea breeze flowing over me, comforting me, reminding me that no matter how lonely I got that it was always there, waiting for me. Loneliness: what a terrible word. At first I thought I was lonely because I was trying so hard to be a man. Now I feel that it was something more. Even these dreams began to tell me as much. I remember the friends, the people, the subjects and all of my fellow Merpeople back when I lived so long ago. They all just disappeared, gone…without a trace. And worst of all, Marid, my better half, my true soulmate.
I was lonely because I was the only one of my kind. I needed their kinship. It may have been my fault that they had suffered such an unfortunate end, but why was I the only one lucky enough to be born once again?
I could hear the nearby screeches of the various birds and sea life. Perhaps they were dolphins, making a rare appearance in the night waters. But the sounds sounded quite familiar. I couldn’t help but listen in further. To a normal human being, they may not think anything of it, but to me, I could realize, it was Merfolk tongue! And what’s more, it was directed to me!
“Ithycca…” It said, “My daughter…”
Daughter? It couldn’t be...
“Mother?” I replied back using the same language.
“Dearest Ithycca,” She continued, “indeed it is I, Alora, Goddess of the Water.”
“Where are you!?” I begged to know. To be reunited with my mother; this was a major breakthrough.
“Please, do not search for me!” she demanded. “When the time comes you will be able to find me, but right now it would be suicidal. Please understand.”
“But mother!” I exclaimed, wanting so badly to help the one who 10,000 years ago gave birth to me.
“I understand your loneliness, dear,” she insisted. “I too, have been trapped in Limbo for too long. But with your existence our people will persevere. The Merfolk race shall rise again.”
“But, how?” I couldn’t help but wonder. “Even if I live, there are no others! I couldn’t even procreate if it came down to it!”
“Go north, my dear,” she pleaded. “I cannot talk much longer, but the answers you seek are there. Please, go!”
“Mother!” I cried as her words began to fade. I didn’t get a reply. The echoes faded into nothingness; all I could hear was the gentle pushing of the waves.
I didn’t understand it. None of it made sense. Was I imagining things? I know Gods and Goddesses are capable of some amazing things- I’ve been around Gaia enough to know better. But why now? What was so important that she finally wanted me to swim out in the middle of nowhere?
With nothing more than a bikini top and wrap skirt, I made my way on to the beach, where the moist beach sand gave my toes a tingly sensation. Even if I was imagining things, I was determined to find out anyway. I don’t know, or at least couldn’t remember, what my mother’s involvement in our people’s extinction was. Even if she was a major contributor, however, 10,000 can change people. Even I feel guilty of my involvement. Perhaps that was the former me, the male me, talking. Perhaps there still is part of him in me.
Either way, I needed to find her. She’s the only one who could understand me. She might be the only other Mermaid that exists in this world.
“Out for a late night swim, Ithy?” Kali cried from behind. It’s becoming old hat how she continues to sneak up on me like that. She realized she didn’t spook me that time, and just smiled.
“I’m surpised you’re out here,” I began. “I thought you’d be having a good time with Lyle.”
“Ah,” she realized. “Nah, he’s a good dude, but I believe we were in agreement that this night was for you mostly.”
“So you’re saying they were all in on it?” I assumed.
“Pretty much,” she replied matter of factly. “Speaking of which, what happened to Eric? Did you have a good time? C’mon! Don’t hold back! I wanna know all the juicy details!”
I looked at her and sighed, which turned her playful demeanor into a rather concerned one.
“Not so hot, eh?” She stated.
“Face it, Kali,” I bluntly said, “I can’t live like this.”
“Is it the whole loving guys thing again?” She questioned. “I thought we’ve been through this!”
“No,” I admitted. “It’s not about that. It’s something bigger.” I paused, holding back the tears as I finally blurted out, “I’m not a human anymore Kali! I feel so wrong trying to be something I’m not!”
This was probably the first time I’ve ever seen Kali a little upset, and it surprised me. “You know, I’m getting a little sick and tired of these little episodes,” she sternly remarked. “I’m not human either, doofus! I do my best to adapt as well as I can. It can be difficult, but I tell you one thing I won’t, and never will do! I won’t run away!”
I looked at her, speechless as she continued to give me a good dose of her tough love.
“This is the third time now, Ith,” She stated. “First from Eliza, second from Doug. I even helped you out in a couple of situations, which I now regret. Even now we’re trying to get you acclimated in your new life and went out of our way to set up a date and everything! And now you wanna run away again?!”
“But,” I protested, “the pheromones…”
“So what?” She interrupted. “He’s only reciprocating what you’re feeling.”
“But what about his feelings?” I argued. “Maybe that isn’t what he wants! Why do I feel like I’m using him so?”
“Because you’re a good person, Ithy,” she answered. “You try so hard not to hurt anybody. Sometimes it’s not fair. But if you’re planning to run away, you’ll be hurting two people who care about you very much. So please.”
Her plea was heartfelt. I did care about her feelings; Eliza’s too. But look at me. I’m a wreck. What was once a question of gender now became a question of race, and the more I look back, the more I realized how different I really am.
I am a Mermaid. The ocean is my home. No matter my sexual frustration I cannot coexist with humans. The power I have over them was too much for me to bear.
I needed to find Mother. She’s the only one who can help me now.
“I’m sorry,” I told Kali. Without her getting another word in I dove into the water. I made my bed, now I had to lay in it.
Night turned into day rather quickly. I swam north going against the currents. I didn’t know where I was heading, but I had to find out.
I could’ve sworn that only a few hours passed since the sun rose. However, the further north I swam the darker it became. Eventually it was darker than it was even back a few hours ago. Using my bioluminescent tail and my sonar skills I pushed forward. Eventually the currents began to lessen, and then I realized I was actually starting to swim with it. I was still swimming north- how was that possible?
It didn’t take to much more for me to figure out the reasons why. It only took witnessing a downed WWII Airplane Fighter to make sense of it all. I thought it was all a hoax, but I should’ve been more open-minded about the idea by now.
I was in the Bermuda Triangle, and the currents were dragging me into a single point, like a black hole, swallowing me up.
What the hell was I thinking? Quickly I tried to swim out of its range, but it was no use, the currents became too strong as I inched closer and closer into the giant whirlpool. Even with my strength, I quickly fatigued. It didn’t help matters that the air and water temperature emitted from the whirlpool changed dramatically. My cold-blooded body couldn’t adapt as the icy cold water hit me like a ton of bricks, and as a result, I was quickly losing consciousness.
I tried to stay awake but I had a hard time keeping my eyes open. Perhaps Kali was right. Perhaps I shouldn’t have run away. I suppose this was the price to pay for my stubbornness.
I gave in to the currents, and my body went limp. I closed my eyes, and fell into hibernation.
It was still cold, but manageable. What was strange was the lack of water running through my gills. Was I on land?
I conjured up my legs and immediately jumped to my feet. All around me I could see the wreckage of downed aircrafts and ships, covered in mounds and mounds of snow. I was freaking out. I wondered where I was, but it didn’t take long to figure it out.
Beyond the horizon I could see the majestic view of ruined city. Buildings of coral and basalt, layered in gold. This was my city; the place I ruled 10,000 years ago.
This was my home. This was Atlantis.
Don't let anything keep you from your dreams, no matter the obstacle.
I love football. That goes without saying. I suppose the fandom bug hit me way back when I was little kid. My dad used to take me to Seattle Seahawk games back when they were Super Bowl bound. It was so amazing, how the crowd was so loud and intense. You couldn’t hear through the cheers and screams. That’s the strength of the 12th Man; you actually felt as if you were impacting the game, causing false starts and disrupting the called plays on the field.
Sitting on my dad’s shoulder’s I could see everything that was going on. While offense was spectacular, being the young boy I was I was enthralled on the defensive end. The tackling, the hitting- it was the ultimate display of masculinity. My favorite position was cornerback, always guarding the wide receivers, keeping them from catching anything, and if they did, make sure they regretted it. They were the lightest, most agile of the bunch, which, given my physique, made me idolize them even more. When I saw Marcus Trufant, going up for an interception pass, or to make a ferocious tackle, I told my dad, “I’m gonna grow up to be just like him.”
And I haven’t disappointed thus far. Even though I’m just a sophomore at Roosevelt high school, already my name was getting recognized. Allen Connor, blue chip cornerback. Even at my age, colleges were scouting me. Washington, Oregon, USC- they all wanted my commitment. It made me feel good to see that my hard work was paying off. I just wish my dad could see me now.
Of course, it’s a whole new world out there, and it wasn’t just my abilities that got me to this point, as much as I wanted to admit it. Ever since late 2012 a new affliction or disease or something began to affect people of all races and genders. No one knows what causes it, and it just seems to happen at random but if affected it changes your physical sex. What was once a hardened football player was now a girl, no longer able to participate. Scary, I know.
But we were just stupid high school kids; we didn’t worry about things like that. We worried about who was taking who to the homecoming dance, and whether or not Stacy Lefevere was gonna throw a party sense her parents were out of town for the week. And as for me, I was worried about my next game: the state championship. Win and we get all the accolades, and I knew plenty of scouts would be there, watching.
With my mind so focused, I couldn’t even pay attention to class or anything else for that matter. I was in a trance, and nothing could break me from it.
“Hey!”
…Okay, maybe one person.
Wrapping her arms around my waist, Jessica Favors put her head on my shoulder and begin to discreetly nibble on my ear. “So what’s my handsome man up to?”
I grinned sheepishly as I gave her a rather vague answer. “You know, stuff.”
“Thinking about the championship game tonight?” She assumed. She knew me like a book.
“Was it that obvious?” I wondered.
“Well, I wouldn’t expect anything less from you,” she replied. “Once your mind is on something you never take it off of it.”
“Yeah,” I said, giving a little chuckle, “I suppose so.”
She gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “Relax,” she told me. “You’ll be fine.”
The bell rang and our little chat came to an abrupt end. She gave me one final kiss. “I’ll see you later,” She said as she turned and walked away.
Friday night, and the atmosphere was intense inside our locker room. Putting on my pads I was interrupted by our show off quarterback, Michael Olsen. If there’s anyone that stereotypes the typical, arrogant football jock, it was this guy. He was all ego, and he let everyone know it. Even some of the other football players find him quite unbearable. We only put up with him because he was good.
“Hey there, buddy,” he said. He always called everyone “buddy.”
“What do you want, Mikey?” I asked, wanting him to get to the point.
“I was wondering,” he began. “How’s your woman these days? You treating her right?”
I shook my head in disgust.
“Because you know,” he continued, “If she needs a real man she could always hook up with me.” He clapped his hands and laughed as he walked back to his locker. I was restraining myself as much as humanly possible. Any other time a good punch in the face would suit him. But I’m sure that’s why he said it. He could get away with it.
Meanwhile I was starting to feel a little funny. My stomach felt a little cramped, and I felt a little woozy. Not now, I thought to myself. This is a big game- I couldn’t afford to be sick. I was looking for alternate explanations to as why I was feeling that way. I was thinking about this too hard; perhaps my nerves were getting the best of me. Just settle down and things would be alright.
It seemed to have done the trick. When the coach had us huddle around whatever nervousness I once had was replaced with aggression, drive and determination. I was ready to go, my one big moment was out there, and it’s mine for the taking.
The crowd cheered as we made our way out of the tunnel. We met our opponents on the field, and we knew they wouldn’t roll over on us so easily. Good, the bigger the challenge the more I’ll stand out.
We flipped the coin and we were on defense first. So there I was, ready to prove myself. Of course that is if I get a chance to. One of the things that frustrate cornerbacks, particular good ones, is when they plan their attacks against you. And if you’re me, that means, not throwing anywhere near my direction. And that makes it hard to impress the scouts if you’re not being thrown at!
We got out of their first set of downs unscathed. Now it was Mikey’s turn at offense. I can tell that was where most of the scout’s eyes were focused on. He is a quarterback after all. Sure, he’s a hell of a QB, but have fun managing such a headcase!
Time was rolling on and I was starting to get a little restless. I did what I could to at least impress the scouts with my footwork, and awareness. Still, all of this was getting to me. I needed some action!
Halftime came. Neither side was scoring much, which was amazing. We held them to a couple field goals, while we answered with a touchdown of our own. Still, it was close, and without a big play we might be going home.
That wasn’t the big deal however, as once again my stomach was acting up again. What the hell? I didn’t know what I had, but damn it I’m a man! I wasn’t going to let this stop me. It was time to toughen up and get back out there.
And so I did, trying as hard as I could to distract myself from the pain that grew within me. I bided my time on the bench between downs, downing bottles and bottles of water as I was burning up out here, even though it was under 50 degrees Fahrenheit. Still, with everyone focused on the game, they didn’t realize my situation, and if they weren’t paying attention to me, I wasn’t gonna mention it.
…Looking back in hindsight, maybe I should have.
It was nearing the end of the third quarter, and once again we were back up on defense. Woozy, burning up and in pain, I scampered back out there, looking like a wreck. Apparently the opposing team’s quarterback saw that. He must’ve assumed he lulled me asleep by focusing their efforts on the opposite side of the field. He’d be wrong.
Throwing it at my direction I instinctively got in front of the targeted receiver and picked off the pass. I began to run towards the end zone, praying my body can keep up. It wasn’t happening. As in fact, the further I ran down the field the worse my pain got. I gritted my teeth, with tears in my eyes, just needing a few more inches.
All of a sudden it felt like my stomach split in two. Writhing in agony I fell to the ground, dropping the ball as I held my stomach while curling up like a ball. Not even the toughest of men could tough this out. This was the worst feeling I had ever experienced in my life.
The medical staff immediately raced out to help me. I was in so much pain I couldn’t really decipher what was going on with me, but it only took them two seconds to realize my ailment and signaled the Ambulance out onto the field. Snapping me securely in the stretcher they closed the doors and drove me to the nearby hospital. I wanted to give a thumbs up or some signal to say I would be alright, but with as much pain I was in I didn’t know if that would ever be the case. Quickly they administered a few tranquilizers and a morphine shot to calm me down and eventually I passed out.
That was the last time Allen Connor walked on this earth.
I woke up what seemed to be a few days later. My throat was parched and I felt a little light headed. It didn’t take me long to remember why I was here, that I collapsed on the field after a painful stomach attack. Yet, here I was and my stomach felt fine. I almost felt normal; maybe slightly weaker than usual.
Oh how wrong I really was. I sat up from my bed and threw the blanket off of me. What was revealed shocked me to my very core: The hair, flowing down in front of my face, the hands, smaller and more delicate in nature, and the small round orbs protruding from my hospital gown, only further confirmed by the addition weight I felt as I sat up.
I threw off the rest of my covers and I saw the rest of me, most noticeably the soft, practically hairless legs. I immediately pressed my hand against my gown around my crotch, hoping, pleading that my penis still existed underneath there. I broke down when I realized that was no longer the case.
My eyes watering, I immediately let a heart wrenching scream. Even that didn’t make things any better, but only reinforced my new found predicament. I was a girl.
Immediately the doctors and nurses came into the room, with my mother following behind. I was frantic, hyperventilating. My life, my goals, my career! Everything was in jeopardy. How was I going to be a football player now?
My mother ran into my arms, tearing up inside. I couldn’t help but shed a few too. I wanted to be strong, be manly, so to speak. After this traumatic experience, however, I don’t think anyone could blame me, I needed a good cry.
“These symptoms are becoming more and more of an issue these days,” The doctor began to explain to me in private a few minutes later. “I know it’s difficult, Allen, but at least physically, the worst part is behind you. Obviously that doesn’t mean that there won’t be changes in your lifestyle and practices, but let me be clear with you- this isn’t life threatening. You’re still able to live a relatively normal life. It might take some time, but we have people that can help you through this. This isn’t the end of the world.”
If it isn’t the end of the world, then why does it feel like it?
“Your pelvis is still a little fragile after a few days of reconfiguring. It needs time to build up enough calcium to strengthen itself. I’d suggest you’d do your best to eat a lot of dairy based product for the next few days. Hopefully you’ll get back to running shape. I see that you’re quite the athlete, and a lot of that athleticism still exists even after the transformation. Hopefully you’ll be able to maintain that over the next few years. There are a lot of sports girls play that you’d be quite good at.”
So? There’s only one sport I want to play, and that’s football.
My Christmas break consisted of me, sitting on my bed at home, feeling sorry for myself. I slowly was able to regain my strength the next few days, but my will was all but shattered. The one thing in life I wanted to do seemed to have been stripped from me in an instant. It hurt me, particularly after all the hard work I put into it. I wanted to make my father proud. It was the most wonderful moments of my life; my father and I, watching those old Seahawk games. When he died, I could only think of those moments, and that promise I made to him. Sure, it seemed silly at the time- I was only five, but to me it didn’t. And now, I didn’t think I could ever fulfill that promise.
And slowly my former life was vanishing before me. My clothes were being replaced by new ones that were foreign and atrocious to me. For Christmas my mother bought me my first bra. She didn’t want to press me, but she also knew that I couldn’t keep on living like this forever. My shampoo was replaced by an array of hair care products. It was a pain trying to wash my hair. I wanted to cut it, at least style it to make washing it a little less irritating, if not a masculine cut. My mom really didn’t like that idea, however. C’est la vie.
The biggest shock that came to my life was from my girlfriend. I thought maybe she was worried, and if she couldn’t accept me as I am, she could at least remain my friend. When my legs were fully healthy I made my way to her house and rang the doorbell. Thankfully it was her who opened it, which saves me time.
“Hi, Jess,” I told her, looking down, ashamed at what I’ve become. “It’s me, Allen.”
“Allen?” she said quizzically. She then gave a quick laugh and continued, “They said that you caught that bug and changed, but now I see they’re not lying!”
“Yeah,” I remarked. “I know it’s awful, but I was wondering if things were still…”
“What?” she interrupted. “You mean, you and I, together? Seriously you must be joking!”
I look at her as my heart was hit with the killing blow.
“Sorry, Ally,” she said, almost teasing me. “I only date football players, you know? Real men! And right now I don’t see you qualifying as any one of those things.”
She saw the pain in my face and she started to laugh again. I wasn’t a football player anymore. I didn’t even belong in the same clique. No, I was one of the outsiders now, and she was immediately putting me in my place.
“Looks like the only way you’re gonna even sniff the football field again is if you hook up with the team punter or something,” she chided. “Of course, that’s not gonna happen. What guy in their right mind would date a freak?”
And so it was. My life, which took years to build up, came crashing down with such absolution. My body, my girlfriend, my career. There wasn’t anything left worth saving. My mother saw the strain in my face. She thought it might be the best decision for me to switch school; to have a fresh start. So I transferred from Roosevelt to Garfield high. To be in a place where no one really knows you is a plus, but it didn’t change the depression that I held deep inside.
My fresh start was indeed a stinker. I was a healthy, relatively well toned, brunette woman. You could have easily mistaken me for a cheerleader or gymnast. Quickly some of the more popular kids tried to befriend, particularly some of the boys who probably just wanted to get into my pants. To see everything in reverse bothered me to no end, and to be hit on by guys made me sick. Quickly I brushed aside all invitations. I don’t want to join your softball team, and I definitely am not putting on a leotard, thank you very much. If this so much as alienates you, than too bad.
Spring came and yet my mood didn’t change any. It was beginning to affect my grades as I began to just stop caring. It didn’t take too long for one of my teachers, Ms. Jelana Jennings, realized this, and one day, after she caught me sleeping in class, she and I had a little after class conversation.
“Are you doing okay, Ally?” she asked straight up.
“I’m fine,” I bluffed.
“Ally, I don’t think you know how serious your situation is right now,” she claimed. “I’ve seen your grades back at Roosevelt and they were fantastic. Now you’re close to failing. Can’t you see why I can’t help but worry?”
“It’s no big deal,” I told her, although in reality I was just repeating it to myself.
“No big deal?” she repeated. “Why, this is your whole future we’re talking about!
“My future?” I said as laughed in disgust. “My future ended as soon as I became this…thing!”
“It was that change, wasn’t it?” she correctly guessed.
“Why me?” I asked her. “I could’ve been special. I had my career path all lined up for me: Get good grades, play football, get a scholarship, go to college, and make it to the NFL. I had that ability, Ms. Jennings! And now it’s gone! What purpose is there to anything now?”
She looked at me a shook her head. “So that’s that then?”
“It’s all that I have to say on the matter, yes,” I replied sternly.
“And what makes you think you still can’t accomplish your dream?” she asked me.
“What makes me think!?” I exclaimed. “I’m a girl! Don’t tell me you can’t notice!”
“So?” She continued. “Do you have arms? Do you have legs? I’m sure all those talents you had back when you were a guy still lies hidden within you. Other than your plumbing, I don’t think there’s a whole lot that’s changed.”
“Well, I’m glad you think that way,” I sarcastically replied, “Even if I was back in tip top shape I couldn’t get on the field with those boys!”
“You think so?” she replied, sort of like she was hiding something. “How about you come to my house after school next week? I can help you work on your Math, and maybe a few other things. Trust me; I’ll make it worth your while.”
What the hey, I thought to myself after spending a few days pondering her offer. To be honest I didn’t think a whole lot about what she meant by “a few other things.” Honestly I just figured she meant some extra study materials or something. But I suppose that’s what lured me in: the curiosity. Let’s just hope it’s worth my while; I didn’t plan on doing this for some “girl time,” or whatever the hell they do.
The next week came and I followed directions she gave me to her house. When I got there I was immediately floored over the sheer size of the thing. There’s no way she could’ve owned this on a teacher’s salary. I believed I may have gotten the wrong address or something, but as I reread the directions I could see it wasn’t a mistake- she wrote it down for me after all.
I made my way to the front porch, and feeling a little uneasy, mostly because I worried that I could be wrong, I rang the doorbell. Sure enough, it was Ms. Jennings making her way from the hallway to the foyer to greet me.
Opening the door, she said, “Ah, Ally!” She gave me a warm smile. “I’m so glad you could make it.” Moving out of the way she gave me the signal, “Come in! Come in!”
I obeyed as I made my way from the hallway to the giant dining room in the center of the home. It was unbelievably exquisite. I just couldn’t believe this was where she lived.
“You must have a well to do husband,” I commented. “This house is amazing.”
She just laughed as she heard that. “I’m not married dear,” she corrected, which further left me scratching my head. She didn’t say anymore though as she immediately persuaded, “Come downstairs, Ally. I want to show you something.”
I shrugged my shoulders and followed her downstairs to her basement. I was immediately shocked to find an entire workout gym, taking up the whole space. Barbells, Treadmills, stacks and stacks of weights and millions of different workout machines all scattered throughout the area. Honestly I was kind of impressed. Ms. Jennings, while not the most unhealthy looking individual, didn’t strike me as a workout warrior.
“You said you were once a big time high school cornerback,” she began. “You seem to be getting a little flabby on those arms there.”
I instinctively clamped my arms with my hands, blushing in embarrassment by such a statement.
“You haven’t worked out much since you’ve changed have you?” she asked.
“Not really,” I admitted.
“The problem you have is you think that you can’t do anything anymore because you’re a woman,” she claimed, being as blunt as possible. “I said it earlier: if you still have arms and legs then you still can do anything, even play cornerback. Plus you have the benefit of having such a sharp mind. You have years of knowledge of your position locked inside your head of yours. Many guys don’t have as much. You have quite the head start.”
“But,” I counted.
“Stop thinking ‘but!’” She cried. “Your vagina isn’t going to hinder you. Only your self-doubt will. Do you still want this?”
“Yes,” I answered.
She led me back upstairs and then explained to me what to do. “I want you to do three things for me, Ally,” she began. “I want you to bump your grades up. I’m here if you need a helping hand, just remember grades come first. Second you need to pick up a workout uniform. That means sports bras and all, and don’t be so repulsed by it!”
I shook my head after the second comment. Still for the sake of training, I suppose I’ll do it. “And the third thing?” I asked.
“I want you to okay this with your mother,” she insisted. “She’s still you mother, and she still has the final say over the matter. I don’t want to do anything against her will.”
I nodded in agreement. I thought this wouldn’t be too difficult. After all she was there, supporting my dream back when I was Allen. What could be so different?
“No!” My mother cried after having the conversation earlier. “Why can’t you put your talents into other talents like gymnastics, or soccer?”
“Mom,” I countered. “You know how I feel about that! I’m a football player, you know that!”
“I don’t want my daughter out there getting hurt out there getting tackled by a bunch of grown men!” She reiterated.
I went with Ms. Jennings’s argument. “Why not? I still have arms and legs, and obviously the experience. Why can’t I play?”
“Because you’re a woman!” she snapped back, silencing me. “Sometimes life isn’t fair, Ally, but you need to let go of these dreams and move on.”
The tears were welling up in my eyes. It was another thing I had to get used to, controlling my emotions was harder than it used to be. I knew I was hopeless against her. She doesn’t see the boy of old. Now all she saw was Ally, and whatever I got away with as Allen I won’t have the same leeway as her.
Unable to control my tears any longer, I ran upstairs with my hands covering my eyes. I lied on my bed sobbing uncontrollably, thinking about my dad and the promise I made. It seemed like I wouldn’t be able to fulfill my promise after all.
Next Monday came rather quickly and before my first class I was promptly stopped by Ms. Jennings, who was most likely wanting to know my mother’s response.
“So, what did she say?” Ms. Jennings asked.
I didn’t want to say she refused. I didn’t want my dream to disappear. No matter what happened if I still had a chance, no matter how slim and no matter how much of an uphill climb I had lain out before me, I had to do it. So I did what anybody in my position would do: I lied.
“She seemed okay about it,” I told her, hoping she would buy it. Apparently she did, thank God.
“That’s great,” she replied. “I hope to see you this Friday, ready to go. Don’t forget to bring some clothes! See you in class.”
Oh yeah, I now remembered, clothes. Ugh.
There I was, out at Finish Line, looking for the proper clothes necessary for my training ahead. Even though I obviously fit the part, searching for clothing for me seemed a little, well, awkward.
What exactly did I need to search for in a sports bra anyway? I’ve been a girl for just over four months now and I barely even know my regular bra size: 34B for all you pervs out there.
“Do you need help with anything?” a spunky girl asked me, scaring me. I turned over to her. Well perhaps she’d know, I figured.
“What type of…um…bra would you think best suit me?” I nervously asked.
“Well that depends,” she remarked. “What type of activities were you planning on doing?”
“Well, you know,” I began, “just working out. Probably some weight training and stuff.”
“Well, these things won’t do you any good!” she explained. “This material is made for light control. You know, yoga, bike riding? That sort of thing. Wear this thing lifting weights and you’ll probably pull something!” She then proceeded to guide me over to some other, more protective wear.
“What’s your size?” she asked.
“Um…34B,” I replied, not very comfortable giving out my measurements, even to other girls.
She began to search for my size on the rack. Finding one she grabbed it and immediately gave it to me. It was almost like body armor compared to what I had in mind.
“There you are,” she replied. “Maximum control for maximum workouts. You might wanna try it on, just in case.”
Okay? I wasn’t really comfortable changing in public places. I had a hard time doing so at home. But, if I was going to get my money’s worth, I suppose I should try it on first. Slowly I made my way to the fitting room, reminding myself that the woman’s side was on the opposite end of the store. I shut the door and peaked from overhead to see if the coast was clear. It was, and nervously I slowly pulled off my shirt, and struggled to pull off my bra soon after. Stupid clamps!
There I was, topless. I remembered how simple I could just take my top off and no one would care. Such things you tend to take for granted once you’ve changed gender. Now I was greeted by two round orbs that no matter how manageable they were, they still made their presence known with every step I take.
Alright, I told myself. The little peep show is over so let’s gets to it. I pulled the bra on over my head, and immediately was fondling my breasts trying to get them comfortable behind the lycra fabric.
Finally comfortable enough I began to test it by raising my arms up and down, while jumping just to see how much my little fellas would bounce. Surprisingly, I didn’t notice much bounce at all. It almost reminded me of times of when I was a guy- a strong, flat chested guy.
I decided to purchase this along with some sweats and shoes and called it a day. I paid for it using money I had back when I worked over the previous summer. At least I had something to exercise in, even if that left me somewhat high and dry.
Hiding it in my book bag I got home and immediately went to my closet, searching for a place to hide my recent purchases. The entire time I was looking I couldn’t help but glance at my old Roosevelt High Football uniform. It was the last remnants of my masculinity, most everything else was replaced or was androgynous enough that it didn’t matter. This was it, the one thing I begged and pleaded for my mother to let me keep. She reluctantly agreed, probably thinking it didn’t hurt remembering times past. I know she did as she still held on to old photos of me- of Allen, framed and hanging onto the walls of her bedroom. Of course, it could be just because of my father as well, because more often than not when he was in a photo I was right there with him.
Finally finding what I believed was a safe place to hide my new clothes from my mom’s prying eyes, I took one last look at my jersey. This won’t be my last uniform, I declared. I swear to it.
A few weeks had past and I had been working with Jelana on a twice a week basis. I’ve grown accustomed to calling her that in this new atmosphere. I was starting to accept her as a trainer and a friend, and because of that I’ve come a long way since a few weeks ago. With her help, even my math grades have improved, which made her proud.
I guess I’ve been drinking the Kool-aid when it comes to chasing my dream. Still, there were a lot of barriers I had to break before I could even see the field. Sure, I still thought I could easily show up a few of the boys in camp, but how many coaches would even allow someone like me to do this? Even if I contest it in court based on Article 8 that still could take months, and time is known to come at you quicker than you’d realize.
“I know we’ve been working out for awhile,” I told her as I was pedaling on an exercise bike,
“but exactly how are you going to get them to let me join?”
“You don’t worry about it,” she told me, “Just leave that to me. You just focus on getting in shape. It isn’t as easy maintaining your shape as it was before, so you’ll need to increase the effort.”
And she was right. Estrogen isn’t known for increasing muscle mass; actually it was quite the opposite. I wasn’t able to lift as much as I used to. According to Jelana however, that just meant I had to adapt, and use my extra agility to compensate for anything I lost.
Of course that was whether I could regain my agility. A lot of my coordination was lost with the reshaping of my hips. Sharp changes in movement and running backwards were quite a struggle. The widened hips shifted my legs inward, so I had to relearn everything all over again.
Luckily Jelana knew that and when spring arrived the first place she took me was to the school’s track. She forced me to do suicides on a regular basis to increase my side to side movement. Sometimes we did the same thing, except she’d have me run forward and come back running backwards. Slowly but surely I was getting familiar with my new body and exactly what it could or couldn’t do.
June came and school ended. Next month was football tryouts and I was looking the part. Coming out of the shower I stared at my topless self, looking as fit as I ever felt. Sure I still wasn’t as strong as I was when I was male, but all things considering it was a pretty big accomplishment. I began to pose, flexing my muscles, so to speak. I was a lean build, so it wasn’t like I was a bodybuilder or anything. It looked dumb doing such a thing as a guy but as a girl it just seemed goofy. But, hey, there’s no reason not to have a little fun once in awhile. After all, it was just me in my lonesome.
Still, I was still wondering what Jelana was gonna do to get me into tryouts. Still she said to not worry about it and just be there in a few weeks. I suppose I just have to trust her.
I pulled on an old t-shirt as I sat down on my bed. I still wasn’t used to nightgowns, even if my mother was pushing me to wear them on occasion. She should be happy I’m wearing panties right now! Sometimes I think she always wanted a daughter. I just wish she realized in my heart I’m still Allen, and major events that are as big as changing genders takes time for me to get used to.
Staring back at me was my old football helmet. It brought back so many memories: the big plays, the interceptions, all the accolades I gained. I couldn’t wait to get back on the field. It was just so excruciating waiting out the days. It was just surprising how many thoughts I had running around in my head. Looking back at the helmet I couldn’t help but wonder if it still would fit. I know due to my sex change I had to wear smaller clothes, which gave my mom more ammunition to feminize me. But still, my head couldn’t have changed a whole lot, could it?
The temptation got to me. I took the helmet and slid it on my head. It was actually kind of annoying how the inside of it pulled my long brunette hair. It was even funnier how the hair stuck out from under my helmet. Perhaps I should get a bandana or dew rag to help me in that matter. For the most part though, it still fit.
Looking at the mirror I couldn’t help but make a few football poses at my leisure. I tried to imagine myself being at the game, playing. It made me feel alive, like I was Allen once again. Of course, I had a hard time remember just picturing what Allen looked like. The face became almost distant in memory. Although my mother had a lot of pictures of the old me, there weren’t any recent ones. Most of them were back when my dad was alive, and she had a hard time taking any without him.
Then I pictured the new me, Ally, playing those games, as if I had been living this way my entire life. It felt so peculiar, but yet, beyond the awkward feeling of being a girl playing a boy’s game, it didn’t feel a whole lot different. Felt magnificent, actually. Remembering some of those epic plays I made back in those days it made me realize just how awesome it could be if I could make similar plays like that as a girl. Not only would that make me feel pride in myself, it would also knock some of the guys down a few notches.
Geez, I can’t believe I was treating this like some battle of the sexes. Yet that’s what it seemed to boil down to. I had a tough road ahead of me, and if I was going to make my dreams come true, I had to break all stereotypical expectations. Throughout my entire trial I’ll be reminded on a daily basis: I’m a girl. I couldn’t let it get to me. I will make the team, no matter the cost.
There were many people in attendance for training camp, all of them boys, of course. I couldn’t help but worry as I walked in the door. What would they think of me? Will the coaches accept me? Will the players? Would they think I’m just some sort of side show, being here just for attention?
I sat my bag down on a nearby bench and immediately I got my first taunt.
“Hey there, lady,” a fat kid, obviously the defensive tackle, called out to me, “Don’t know if you realize, but the cheerleading tryouts are in the other building!”
“I know,” I told him. “I’m not trying out for cheerleading.”
“Wait,” another person spoke up, “You’re actually trying out for football?”
“Is there a problem with that?” I asked.
“I don’t think you noticed,” another kid added. “But this sport isn’t exactly made for girls. Maybe you should try ballet or something?”
They laughed at my expense, but calm and collectively I countered. “Funny,” I said, “After I was through taking you to the cleaners I was gonna suggest the same thing.”
That led to a couple ooohs and aaahs as I questioned the kid’s masculinity. He obviously didn’t like that and had to be restrained from going after me. I couldn’t help but smirk at the poor sap. Soon, I hope everyone will realize that this isn’t a joke.
“Cut it out!” I heard coming from the front doors. I couldn’t believe who was coaching the team.
Jelana?
“As you can see by last year’s teacher performance ratings the former coach had been relieved of his position,” she explained to us. “After extensive searching the athletic board decided I was the best fit to coach this team, and so, here I am.”
“Really?” someone mouthed off. “First a female tryout and now the coach?”
“I would like to say that Ally here is rather good at what she does,” she replied. “She’s worked real hard to prepare for this moment and I truly believe she might put some of you boys in your place.”
“But she’s a girl!” another person protested.
“If you don’t like how I run things you can always leave,” she told them. “But I’ll tell you now you won’t get another opportunity to play if you back out now.”
Looking at each other they realized maybe it wasn’t too bright protesting my involvement any longer and immediately closed their mouths.
“Now that we’ve made ourselves clear,” she stated, “I’ll see you on the field.”
And so I got changed, albeit in an entirely different room. Jelana obviously had to remind me that it wasn’t business as usual. It would be difficult getting used to the fact that I couldn’t just casually change my clothes with the rest of the guys. Probably for the best however; I knew how powerful these two “assets” I had could be. I want to face these guys at their best, and not have my breasts distract them.
I made my way onto the field. Again I couldn’t help but feel a little awkward being the only girl around…well, besides the coach. It felt overwhelming. Still I knew I could still do this. All I need to do is find my groove.
After stretching the drills finally began.
“Taevon!” Jelana yelled. “Line up over here! Ally, you cover him!”
Taevon Jackson was their best player, a wide receiver of some renown. I never had the chance to play him, which was odd, considering Roosevelt and Franklin are still the same city. This would be something.
He looked at me, obviously not impressed. “I don’t like side shows,” he declared. “This might be fun and games for you, but this means everything for me, and I don’t plan on playing for a laughing stock.”
The quarterback hiked the ball and immediately he juked me. Out of habit I tried to side step how I used to back when I had much more parallel hips, and immediately fell to the ground. He really made me look foolish as he easily caught the ball and ran it to the touchdown. All he could do was shake his head. All I could do is hit my hand on the ground in frustration. How embarrassing.
“Again!” Jelana demanded, and again we lined up.
Taevon again tried to get into my head. “If that’s all you got, leave,” he barked. “We don’t need novices.”
He was really starting to get on my nerves. This time, I was definitely gonna show him. The ball was hiked and immediately he tried the same juke move he did last time, but this time I caught on. I backed him and then followed him as he moved downfield. The quarterback threw the ball and Taevon was laying out his hands trying to catch it. It was right on his fingertips as I decided to give him a little taste of what I had to offer. With full force I speared him into the ground as the pass dropped from his hands. Getting up, I saw many of the other players stare at what just happened. I just drilled their star player.
Taevon got himself up. He wasn’t all that thrilled at what just happened, but he nodded in acknowledgement of my skills. He knew I wasn’t going to be a cakewalk.
We continued to do these drills, each time doing different routes and coverages. Sometimes he was able to get by me, sometimes I showed him. I picked off a couple passes, and sometimes he was able to out leap me for the ball. It was definitely something I had to work on the next few weeks. All in all he provided quite the challenge, and the fact I was able to keep up with him made me feel pretty good.
The practice ended and all in all I thought I proved my point rather well. Jelana came over to me and agreed. “Looks like you haven’t lost a step. Looking good.”
I smiled as I made my way to the showers. I definitely could use one after the workout I had today, plus, although I kind of hate to admit it, showers seemed to feel a whole lot better with the new body and all. Hiding my gym clothes inside my book bag no one would ever know that I just got through with a long football practice. All I had to do now was head to the laundry mat and get them cleaned.
Walking down the hall however I was stopped by a few detractors. Three guys from practice came up and started to give me trouble.
“We don’t want you on the team,” The apparent head of the bunch said, “I’ll say it this one time, get out. We don’t want to be a laughing stock here.”
“Laughing stock?” I questioned. “I thought I handled myself pretty good here.”
“This is a game for men,” he continued. “We don’t need you to put your nose into places it shouldn’t belong.”
“Yeah,” one of his friends seconded. “Get lost, kid.”
“Why?” I asked him. “Are you afraid I’d embarrass the team, or just embarrass you guys? Hell, I must be something else, seeing you have to gang up on me just to threaten me.”
“I warned you,” the leader said. “You asked for it.”
I was almost afraid he might punch or grab me or something. Luckily it was stopped before it even began.
“What are you doing?” A guy’s voice demanded. It was Taevon, witnessing everything from a distance.
“We’re gonna teach this girlie a lesson,” the bully replied.
“And what exactly did she do?” he wondered.
“She shouldn’t be on this football team!” he answered bluntly, “She’s a girl!”
“That isn’t your decision to make,” he remarked, “and until someone says otherwise you leave your hands off of her.”
Seemed like the tides were turning. Sure, they could easily gang up on me, but fight Taevon, their best player? Not a smart idea.
Staring at me the bully threatened one more time, “Just go home.” And with that he and his friends walked off. Turning my attention to Taevon I walked up to him and replied, “Thanks.”
He just stared at me and said, “To be honest I thought the same thing, that this was some joke. But you handled yourself pretty good out there.”
I couldn’t help but blush after that. God, how embarrassing. “Th-thanks,” I struggled to get out.
“Just don’t get all cocky because you managed to take me a couple times,” he warned me. “I’ll be practicing, always getting better. I expect you to do the same thing too.”
With that he walked away. He’s all business, but now at least I can see he has a caring side to him. I had his respect, and that was big in the whole scheme of things. I couldn’t let him down.
Weeks passed and I was constantly working on my craft, at least during the times my mom wasn’t watching me behind my back. She seemed kind of suspicious over my constant running back and forth from the house. It was summer, and I still was constantly carrying my book bag around like it was a sacred treasure. I told her I was spending more time with my teacher, Ms. Jennings, at least offering a partial truth. She didn’t know that behind that intelligence lied a hard working coach and trainer who seemed determined to make me sweat at every workout. I didn’t mind the suffering; after all, no pain, no gain.
Even though it took some time I was beginning to gain the approval from the rest of the boys during practice. First was Taevon, but soon enough the whole secondary began to appreciate my talents. I even heard one of the guys actually claim I was the best corner on the field, which made me smile. Nope, I hadn’t lost it at all.
As school started back up and tryouts came to an end I was greeted by Jelana personally.
“Hey there, coach,” I told her as I waved at her.
“Hi, Ally,” she greeted back. “Most coaches usually hold a conference to tell which students who was either in or cut, but I figured I’d tell you directly. Congratulations, you made the team.”
In my exuberation I couldn’t help but squeal like a little…well, school girl. I was so thrilled. I did it, I made the team! I immediately hugged her and cried, “Oh thank you, thank you thank you!”
“I just want you to know you’re quite the inspiration,” she stated, “for both transformees and actual born women everywhere. You are for me.”
“Thanks,” I said, feeling proud of my accomplishments. I didn’t do this because I wanted women to look up to me, but now that I think about it, it was quite the honor. Girls of all grades wanted to be friends with me. The cheerleaders even couldn’t help but respect me. It was a shame my gender prevented them from finding me attractive, because if I was a man and had this amount of popularity I could swear they would jump all over me.
It was near the end of school and I got a surprise visit by Taevon. Outside of the practice field usually the grades never hang out with each other, and at this time I was a junior while he a senior. But yet, he seemed to want me for something.
“Hey there,” He greeted, “how things going?”
“Great!” I said, not having to think hard about it. “What’s up?”
“Well,” he began, “me and my friends are gonna celebrate this weekend for all of us who made the team. I was wondering if you’d wanna come.”
That was shocking. Me? Have they embraced me that much? I couldn’t say no.
“You bet!” I answered cheerfully. What can I say? After all the great news today I couldn’t help but act a little bubbly.
“Cool,” he answered. “I’ll see you then.”
With that he turned and walked off. As he strolled away I couldn’t help but notice the movement of his butt. Wow, he’s got one hot piece of ass…
…Did I seriously just think that?
“So is he hot?” Jelana couldn’t help but tease. At this point she was my closest friend and confident. I was absolutely embarrassed to talk about it to anyone else. Me, actually admiring a guy’s backside? What the hell’s gotten to me?
“What does that matter?” I told her as I done my curls. “The point is I’m so not ready for this! I mean, I haven’t even been a girl for a year! Let alone I’ve grown up most my life liking girls!”
“You can’t change a tiger’s stripes,” she stated. “You were straight as a guy; you are straight as a girl. It’s not surprising. Many tranformees have even been studied for that kind of thing. It really helps put into focus that homosexuality literally really isn’t a choice, but a genetic anomaly.”
“Well, it doesn’t mean I have to accept it!” I stubbornly replied.
“So who’s this guy’s backside you’ve been admiring anyway?” she asked. That was the one thing I was trying to keep to myself. If she knew it was Taevon it might prove detrimental to the team. It’s like military code, no fraternizing with the other gender! And damn it if I was finding it rather difficult to follow.
“He’s just some guy,” I told her, not really wanting to talk about it any longer. “It’s not like I’m going to pursue him or anything.”
“That’s a shame,” she said, “but I suppose there are plenty of fish in the sea. There’s nothing wrong admitting that guys can be pretty attractive too.”
Thanks for the tip, I sarcastically thought to myself.
Heading over to Taevon’s house was a nerve wrecking experience. My mind was constantly cluttered with thoughts. It was easy for my mind to say I had no interest in him. But trying to keep my body sated was a different matter entirely. My soul, on the other hand…I honestly didn’t know what I want.
I feared what type of party this was gonna be. Would there be beer? Even if there isn’t, someone could spike it or something. I just don’t want my inhibitions to suddenly disappear. This was all too much for me. What if he pulls a move on me? What if I let him? Ugh!
I could’ve just called and said I couldn’t make it. I could’ve faked illness or something. But, even with the major mind riot going on in my head I could almost believe that something in me actually wanted to do this and that kind of scared me.
I rang the doorbell and he answered it. Opening the door I realized this wasn’t some huge party as I thought it was. It was just him and few of our teammates that he wanted to hang out with. That’s a relief.
“Hey there Ally,” he said, getting me all jittery in my feet again. I smiled at him as he let me inside. As I said there weren’t many people here. I thought there’d be a whole slew of girls and guys outside of the team over getting drunk and having a grand time. I dreaded having to get involved in some girl talk, and absolutely feared doing something I’d regret, particularly when my sexual orientation was in question. But apparently this was something else.
They were sitting in their family room, eating Cheetos, playing the latest Madden game and making a mess of the place here. I greeted my fellow teammates who all seemed happy to see me.
“When my parents are out we make this into a designated man cave,” Taevon explained. “Normally that means no girls, but I think we can make an exception.”
He gave me a grin then that put butterflies in my stomach. I was so flattered, even at this silly little gesture.
“For now on you’re one of us,” Taevon’s added. To finally be accepted as one of the guys…I was so happy I could kiss him. Wait…what?
I had to hold back, I couldn’t think like this! Especially with people watching! Quick, find a distraction! I turned to the television and decided maybe make a little small talk there.
“S…so,” I stuttered as I tried to fight my hormonal urges, “What team you playing as?”
“The 49ers,” Joseph, our team’s running back, replied.
“Blasphemy!” I teased.
“Must be another Seahawk fan,” He assumed. “Just can’t get away from you guys, can I?
“What you get for living in Seattle, buddy,” I replied. “Been a fan since I was five years old! Watching Trufant at the Championship game- aw man that was awesome!”
“So that’s how you gotten involved in football?” Taevon asked.
“Yep,” I replied. “Told myself I become a great football player one day. Be just like him.”
“Well you sure got me convinced,” he replied. “Don’t think I had any competition as tough as you.”
…Please don’t kiss him…Please don’t kiss him.
“Don’t look now, Dante,” Joseph taunted his competitor, “But I’m about to kick your ass!”
Suddenly he had his quarterback throw a long hail mary pass; quite unnecessary when the game’s at the third quarter. Of course, it is just a video game. And since it was a video game those type of plays look easier than it really is.
Seeing his receiver catch the pass in the endzone we all hollered and cheered. It felt good being one of the guys again, even if my body wants me to be one of the girls.
It was getting late and our time was coming to an end. I did appreciate hanging out with them as it reminded me of my former days. I never thought I could enjoy myself like that again; that my life was flipped 180 º and even if my gender wouldn’t necessarily preclude me of such enjoyment, many guys most likely would.
I also appreciated the fact that Taevon really wasn’t always this stern and serious individual. He takes his craft seriously, and I respect it. I’m just glad it wasn’t some everyday occurrence and he actually knew how to break loose once in awhile. That definitely gave him more brownie points in my book, as if he needed any more from me to begin with.
“I suppose I’ll see you in class on Monday,” he said as he held out his hand. We high fived and came together for one of those “bro hugs” you normally see two guys do. As cool as it was, I was hoping for something a little better…
“Good night, Ally,” he said, as he shut the door behind him. And although I really was keeping myself from acting out these foreign thoughts, deep down I knew I was kicking myself for letting him get away.
It was the second week of September and our first regular season game was underway. We were facing Garfield High and unfortunately the talent level between their team and ours was heavily in their favor.
Of course, they forgot to account for their one secret weapon: me. One advantage I suppose in being a girl is the fact they automatically assume I’m weak and an easy target. When I was Allen and everyone knew how dangerous I was a lot of offenses would just throw the ball away from me. Now as Ally I was almost dead certain I’d be the one targeted the most. Big mistake.
Looking back at my opponent an in typical male fashion began to taunt me. “Maybe once we’re through here you and I can hook up. I’m sure I could share a few ‘pointers,’ if you know what I mean.”
Wow, that was pathetic…
Immediately on their first down they set up for a pass play and without even taking the time to scout the field just through straight at me. That dumbass receiver thought it would be easy to get away from me, and from his first juke he almost did. He didn’t account for my quick recovery however, a credit to Jelana and her continued workout sessions. I caught up with the poor sap and before he knew I was already out in front of him, jumping high into the air to pick off the pass. I took it back all the way for the touchdown, most likely damaging their pride in the process.
They didn’t seem to have learned their lesson yet. The more they threw at me the more I embarrassed them- tipping off passes, tackling them for slight gains or even loss, and overall just being kind of a pain in the ass. I was definitely doing my part out there, and even some of the opposing team’s fans seemed to appreciate my effort.
Of course, that didn’t stop them a whole lot. By the end of the game we were down by five points. They just scored off a fluke play and our defense totally wasn’t prepared for it. Now we had less than ten seconds to run down the field and score. This wouldn’t be easy for the poor guy who had to return the kickoff.
“Ally!” Jelana yelled. Quickly I was at her attention. “Get in there! You’re returning the kick.”
…Apparently that poor guy would be me.
“Me?” I couldn’t help but question.
“Yeah, you,” she reiterated. “You’re our most agile runner, and I want to use that against them. We don’t have a lot more options.”
“…I’ll try,” I said with a little concern. Even when I was Allen I never once did a kick return. Maybe it was because I was a “precious commodity” or something to that effect. The coach thought I could do this. I really didn’t know, but either way the pressure was on now.
There I was in the endzone, staring at the opposing special teams. I could imagine them licking their lips, hoping for a little payback for the embarrassment I’ve put them through today. I tried not to focus much on that. Just get to the other end of the field.
The kick was up and I immediately ran to its direction. It wasn’t the best of kicks, which helped. Positioning myself I caught the ball and began running the gauntlet towards the endzone. The opposing players began to swarm at me, hoping to take me out. I couldn’t run out of bounds now, time was at 0. There was only one place I could go, and that was forward.
Suddenly one player lunged in front of me. I instinctively ducked and spun around him to get away from his tackle and continued to run ahead. I made it past the 50, and yet more people were on their way. I was fortunate to get a few blocks, but the amount of players coming for my head seemed endless. Still I continued, dodging whatever I could, slowly getting fatigued from it all. Come on Ally, I thought to myself, just a little further.
I broke through their defenses. The only person that was left was behind me, catching up as he used all his energy getting to me. I didn’t know if I could last any longer. I really wasn’t built to do this. He was barely a body away from me. Luckily someone came in at the last second to block the guy away from me. It was Taevon, coming to my rescue. My hero…
Touchdown. I made it, gassed and totally out of breath. I just wanted to lay back and catch my breath, but my teammates had other plans. They ran up to me and gathered me up and carried me on their arms. I won the game for them, and now I was being paraded off the field. Couldn’t I at least get some water first?
Next Monday came and there I was back in class, back in routine. It was getting hard to control myself. I resumed watching Taevon walking down the hall, admiring his physique, his aura of confidence. He’d just look at me and smile. How that made me all gooey inside. As much as I tried I couldn’t help it; he was all up in my head. I was even beginning to dream about him, how I imagined being wrapped around his big sexy arms…without having to be on the practice field!
“You like him, don’t you?” I heard a young woman’s voice suggested. I turned away from Taevon to see who exactly was talking to me.
“N-no,” I fibbed. I was a bad lair.
“Sure,” she said. She then held her hand out to me. “I’m Grace. I think we share the same Biology class. Don’t think we’ve formally introduced.”
“Ally,” I replied as I shook her hand.
“I know who you are,” she claimed. “Everyone knows who you are. But something seems to bug me.”
“What’s that?” I asked.
“Well,” she continued. “How about you and I hang out tonight after class? Maybe I’ll tell you then.”
I was kind of iffy on the whole concept of hanging with a girl. I’m not into makeovers or slumber parties or girl talk or anything of the sort. And she seemed to be beautiful enough that she would be interested in that sort of thing.
“Don’t worry,” she insisted as if she could read my thoughts, “I ain’t gonna play dress up or anything like that, heheh.”
I sighed. Might as well make new friends on occasion, seeing I’m in a whole new school now. “Why not?” I answered.
“Great!” She cheered. “I’ll meet you after school. Then we’ll walk to my place together.”
And so we did. Grace was an odd girl. Physically she was beautiful, svelte, curvaceous- whatever word you’d want to describe her as she was. She wasn’t all that interested in being “the cool girl,” however. She purposely avoided the cheerleaders and the like. But apparently that added to the mystery, and many of the jocks found her to be quite frustrating. The odd part was why she was willing to hang out with me. Obviously I was an athlete, although I never really took too kindly to the label “jock.” I did have outstanding grades and everything, and it wasn’t like I bullied the other cliques. Still…
We made our way inside her house and straight to her room. Immediately I could see Star Trek posters and science books scattered about, as well as a video game system and the like. She was a bonafide nerd! Like every geeks dream!
“As you can see,” Grace began. “I don’t tend to live by other people’s expectations. Much like you: a woman who plays football. We just don’t neatly fit into one social stereotype.”
“So that’s why you befriended me?” I asked.
“Well that’s one reason,” She admitted. “But there’s something else. Something that totally has me curious.”
“What’s that?” I couldn’t help but wonder.
“You’re a transformee, aren’t you?” she bluntly stated.
That put me into a shock. I know how some people are treated when people find these things out. Even if it wasn’t by choice, they still call you names like “queer,” or “gay.” I didn’t really want to let anyone find out, if possible.
“W-what makes you think that?” I nervously questioned.
“Well,” she began, “at first I thought that you playing cornerback was kinda peculiar, but I didn’t think about it. But then, when I started to see you eye Taevon like that, I knew something was up. A woman of your confidence not having the guts to go after that piece of ass? You had enough confidence to break gender barriers when you made the football team? So that led me to a simple hypothesis, that you weren’t afraid of asking him out as much as you were preventing yourself to. That seems like a clear struggle of a girl who wasn’t always a girl. It sounds like a guy that’s having trouble getting used to her new feelings.”
She did logically put the pieces together. I didn’t know I was that obvious. Even in trying to preserve my masculinity my femininity leaked out, and if someone like her noticed it, how much longer until other people started realizing it too?
I sighed, knowing I was caught. I threw my hands in the air as I admitted defeat.
“Yes,” I admitted, “I was born a dude.”
I was preparing myself for the backlash. Here comes the taunting. But amazing she didn’t do any of that, but instead gave me a big hug.
“It must’ve been tough,” she said.
“It still is,” I replied, hugging her back.
“It doesn’t have to be,” she stated, seeming like she was up to something. “You just have to let go, and accept things as they happen.”
“But I can’t!” I cried. “It’s so hard! It’s like I’m losing what I am!”
“But, really, have you?” she asked me. “You’ve broken boundaries, you’re still playing football. You still seem to hang out with the guys quite a bit. There are plenty things you have that you’ve brought with you during your transformation. Now you just have a new piece within you that you haven’t explored, and you’re afraid of it. But don’t think of it as losing a piece of who you are, think of it as adding on to what you’ve already got.”
I looked at her. I never thought of it like this. It still was difficult however. I knew how loving she was being. Looking into her eyes I wanted to feel some sort of attraction, but indeed it wasn’t there. What could that be other than a loss?
“I suppose I truly am a girl, huh?” I said to her.
“Yep,” she replied. “But liking guys doesn’t mean you’ve lost everything you are. You’re straight then, you’re straight now. So don’t let it affect your decision making. You’re still the person you always were. Just go after him like you did when you went after the girls!”
“Does that work?” I asked.
“Not always,” she admitted. “But like guys when a woman sees someone she likes, she’ll jump on it.”
“I…see,” I replied.
“So, I was right when I believed you had the hots for Taevon then, huh?” she claimed.
“Well…” I hesitated for a second, “he is kind of cute.”
“There you go!” she cried. “See? That wasn’t so hard!”
“I guess not,” I remarked.
“You need to ask him out hun,” she suggested. “The only way you can accept things is to experience it for yourself. You’ll have a hell of a good time, I know it!”
“Don’t you think you’re getting a little ahead of yourself?” I stated.
“No way!” she answered. “If anything we needed to do this a little sooner! Now let’s see…homecoming is coming up in a couple weeks. That’ll be a special night. You should ask him out then!”
“Homecoming?” I nervously replied.
“Yes, homecoming!” she reiterated. “I’ll help you for the big day. You just don’t chicken out when you’re actually talking to him!”
I thought on her words that night. Look at me, getting all worked up for a guy. But it was true though, I did like him. The true question wasn’t whether or not that was true or false, but rather if by doing this I lost, like I’ve surrendered to my fate. Everything else I worked my ass off in order to obtain: my dreams, my personality, my physique. Throughout all of this I never gave up, but what was it I was achieving by denying myself?
I looked at myself in the mirror. It helped me reflect mentally as much as it did physically. I brought me face to face with myself- with Ally, the girl I’ll most likely spend the rest of my life as. How would I want to live that life? Suffering, fighting with myself trying to maintain something that wasn’t there? Or would I be happy, living life to the fullest no matter what that may entail?
“If I have to like boys,” I told my reflection, “I suppose I could have picked worse ones.” And thank God I didn’t.
I plopped onto my bed and started to hug one of my pillows as I began to count all the ways I liked him. He was talented and always made me work hard for my goals. Sure he could be brutal, but I knew in that in his own little way he’s showing how much he cares. And he did care. He was the first one to truly accept me as a football player. And I knew he had a little goofball in him too. Altogether he truly was the perfect man, and I hadn’t even started to mention his body!
Grace was right- I had to stop trying to deny my real feelings. I wanted to be with this man. I had to ask him out. But homecoming? Doesn’t that mean getting dressed up and dancing and everyone noticing? I’m not sure I can take it that far!
I had a much more difficult time than usual at my next game. My opponent wasn’t doing any significant damage, but I wasn’t dominating him like I normally do.
I was nervous beyond all recognition. I never had a lot of problems finding love when I was Allen. As in fact, it was Jessica that came to me. Now I know she’s just a little attention whore, always wanting to be in the spotlight. I couldn’t believe I actually dated such a bitch.
Back to Taevon, I realized how I’ve never really been in a position where I had to actually ask someone out. Grace really thought I was chickening out, but when I told her about that, she was kind of shocked. She told me to do it in a place where I was most comfortable. Well, the place I was most comfortable was…
Walking to the bench I bumped into Taevon who was making his way onto the field.
Looking a little concerned at my performance, he asked, “Are you doing okay?”
Blushing, I nervously replied, “Y-yeah.”
Seeing I was acting strange he wondered, “What?”
This was it, my big moment. With all my might, I steeled myself and said what I wanted to say these past few weeks. “I was hoping t-that you’d want to come to the homecoming dance with m-me.”
His eyes widened. “With you?” he stated. Now I could see he was just as uncomfortable and nervous as I was.
“Please?” I pleaded.
Unfortunately my coach was getting a little annoyed he wasn’t in the huddle yet. “Ally! Taevon!” she yelled. His response would have to wait.
In hindsight perhaps this wasn’t the best time to ask him for such a thing. Now he was in the same boat as me, unable to concentrate because of what I said. It made me wonder…did he like me too?
We barely won that game, no thanks to us. Something told me Jelana knew however. When she looked over at me she just smiled. I guess that meant she approved. I was thankful.
Walking out of my locker room, I was still kind of bummed that I hadn’t a reply from him. I wonder if he brushed me off. Was I nothing more but just another guy to him? This is the first time I felt like that was a bad thing.
I was about to exit the building when I heard his voice. “Hold up!” he told me as he rushed over to me. This was the big moment, I could tell.
“Yes,” he finally answered, “I wanna go to homecoming with you.”
Happily I embraced him in a warm hug. It felt so good actually being able to hold him. Letting go, I replied, “Thank you.” And with that he walked off. With no one watching, I let out the most girly squeal you could imagine. This was gonna be good!
…Well, at least the actual dating part anyway.
“Ow!” I cried as Grace pulled my hair with her brush. I couldn’t believe I was actually going through with this.
“Hold still!” she yelled as she tried to get out all the tangles.
“For a second I didn’t think you were one of those girly girls,” I stated.
“There’s a time and place for everything,” she said as she grinned. “You’ll understand that soon enough. One day I bet you’ll be doing this yourself!”
“As if,” I shrugged off as I straighten out my beautiful white dress. I couldn’t believe I let myself get talked into doing such a thing. “This is such a pain in the ass.”
“Hey,” she countered, “you wanna look good for Taevon don’t you?”
“Well, yeah,” I answered, as she began to apply makeup onto my face.
“There are a lot of things you should experience while being a girl,” she explained. “If you just accept them like you did with Taevon I guarantee you’ll appreciate and even like it more.”
“I don’t know…” I told her.
“You are so lucky,” she claimed. “To truly understand the world through both genders. It’s like, duality, you know? To be able to experience both sides is a blessing. At the very least try it, and if you don’t like it, then at least you know.” She finally put the finishing touches on my mascara. “There! All done!”
She directed me over to the mirror where I stood and finally had a good look at myself. I was beautiful- a total knockout. It was amazing how tomboy little me could easily change myself so drastically. I looked like a true woman, dignified and refined.
“I knew you would like it!” she said, smiling at her job well done.
“I don’t know what to say,” I stated. I just knew Taevon would drop dead at the sight of me. Grace was right, again. I did like how she made me over. I suppose I could let her do it again sometime in the future.
“Well, Ally, guess now it’s your turn helping me get around!” she exclaimed in glee.
“What?” I couldn’t believe my ears. “You’re going too?”
“You’re gonna need emotional support!” she suggested. “Besides, I was asked by this hot guy and I couldn’t say no!” She grabbed me by the hand and we headed back to the bathroom. “Come on,” she said. “Time to give you a few lessons!”
A half an hour later the doorbell rang and Grace ran downstairs to open it. It was amazing to see it was Dante, our slot receiver, at the door. Grace, dating a football player? It was kind of hard to believe, being she was totally nerdy and everything.
“Whoa,” he stammered as he looked at the two very attractive women on display in from of him. “I didn’t know you were friends with Grace, Ally. You two look stunning.”
I blushed at the comment and replied, “We’ve known each other quite awhile now. How about you? What made you want to go out with her?”
Grace answered for him. “Well duh! He just couldn’t get past my good looks!”
That just made him chuckle a little bit. “We’ve been childhood friends since we were little. We kind of share the same interests.”
“So you’re a nerd too?” I said with utter disbelief.
“Sure, if that’s what you’d want to call it. Good luck trying to give me a wedgie though!” He smiled as he said that.
“Oh, I’ll give you a wedgie all right!” Grace exclaimed as she locked Dante’s head around her arm and gave him a quick noogie. Least she didn’t follow through on the threat- seeing her giving him a wedgie would’ve been awkward.
“Hey!” He screamed as his date continued to rough house him. “I just fixed my hair!”
“Guess you’ll have to fix it again, now won’t you?” she suggested as she finally let him go. It was kind of cute watching them pick on each other.
And staring at the distance was Taevon, watching the hijinx from a distance. He was dressed to perfection, almost like I expected it. Nothing but the best for Taevon. I just hope I was perfect enough for him.
Dante moved away from the door as Taevon entered and stared at my attire. Smiling, he complimented me. “You’re as good looking in a dress as you are on the field. Is there anything you don’t look good in?”
I blushed as I nervously replied, “Thank you.”
“We’ll meet you guys there!” Grace informed us. He held out as his hand and I grabbed a hold as we walked hand in hand to his car.
Sitting in the passenger seat I still couldn’t help but feel the butterflies in my stomach. I can’t believe I’m actually doing this! I thought to myself over and over again. It’s too late to back off now, not that I wanted to. But it felt kind of like giving a speech to an auditorium’s worth of people. I truly didn’t want to mess this up.
Driving along, he picked up on my tense behavior and immediately commented on it.
“What’s a matter?” he asked.
“N-nothing,” I stuttered with my answer.
“You seem kind of nervous,” he stated. “This seriously can’t be your first date before, has it?”
Well, technically no…but what was I gonna say?
The silence suggested to him otherwise. “My God, it is!” he realized. “I’m kind of surprised. Spent too much time working on your game, you never had much chance to date, huh?”
“Um…something like that,” I answered. Of course, the truth was I once was a guy, dating girls, but I’d rather keep that secret to myself. It seemed like such a long time ago.
“Well, toughen up!” he demanded from me. “You’re so confident on the field, there’s no excuse for you not being confident now.”
He was right. So far I’ve met my challenges with a fist full of determination. If this was another challenge, I’ll meet it head on, just like I always have.
We arrived for the big dance amidst all the gossip and speculation. Yes, you can confirm it now: Taevon and I are seeing each other…kinda. Having teammates dating each other isn’t something that happens every day, so I guess it’s a big deal. I just wish they’d chill out!
But for the most part, everyone was happy about our pairing. I figured there might be some cheerleaders jealous over the big fish I reeled in, but apparently it wasn’t the case. I suppose I won him fair and square, without many detractors.
Dante and Grace soon arrived and we gathered together. I can at least count on Grace as my safety net if things went awry. Hopefully that wouldn’t be the case. Together we all walked inside. It was going to be a big night!
Like football players seem to do, the members of the team present stopped what they were doing at the sight of my presence and began to huddle around me, amazed by the radical transformation I underwent. Their jaws falling agape was all I needed for me to realize, I truly was a knockout.
“I can’t believe that the person who plays cornerback for our team could look like this!” one of them complimented.
“You’re one lucky dog, Taevon,” another guy added.
“Shit, you’re one lucky dog, too, Ally,” another guy stated.
“Dude, that sounded kind of wrong,” someone told him, “Like you think Taevon is hot or somethin’.”
“What?” he questioned. “She as much a part of the team as anyone else! Just saying good job and all!”
It was weird being the center of attention. It made things worse that these boys all brought dates and I didn’t want to be the ire of their girlfriends’ wrath.
“Boys, boys,” I told them all. “I appreciate the compliments, but you might wanna waltz back over to your own dates if I were you. I wouldn’t want to get on their bad side, you know?” They finally realized how bad they might have looked and quickly broke the huddle and returned to their dates.
Now not feeling as suffocated as before, I made my way over to the punch bowl. I was kind of thirsty, after all. I didn’t realize Jelana was acting as one of the chaperons here.
“Why, Ally,” she began, “you look marvelous.”
I didn’t know why, but I felt a little self conscious showing my femininity in front of my coach, even if she was a woman herself. She only knew me as the gritty, hard working athlete for her football team. Nothing about me looked the part right now.
“Um…Thanks,” I replied.
“Don’t like that much?” she wondered, seeing as I didn’t take her compliment overly well.
“It’s just weird,” I answered, “dressing up like this in front of you.”
“You’re a woman, hun,” she explained. “Consider it one of the perks. If you want to go all girly one day then go for it. I won’t criticize you for it.”
“I’m just surprised you’re so accepting of all this,” I stated. “Even me and Taevon. Don’t you think that might affect what will happen on the field?”
“Ally,” she began, “Football isn’t always everything. You two are still kids, and should be able to experience all the things kids do. These times only come once. Football is great, but one thing I notice from you two is that you never seem to look beyond it most of the time. To be honest, Ally, I think your dating each other is great. It gives you guys something more to focus on.”
I listened to her words intently and I began to understand what she’s saying. I love football, but sometimes I loved it so much that I used it as a shield to protect me from everything else: my femininity, my sexual orientation, and just the overall acceptance of myself. Without Jelana, and friends like Grace I might have never come to terms with my new self.
Suddenly Taevon came over and poked me in the shoulder. Turning around he held out his hand, and cordially asked, “May I have this dance?”
I smiled as I happily accepted his offer, and that’s in spite of the fact I never danced in my life! But it couldn’t be too hard. It’s like running routes, right?
We danced to a sappy love song. Even now I was kind of indifferent when it came to music like that, but tonight it seemed to fit my mood well. With every step I felt closer to him. I laid my head upon his shoulder as I smile in euphoria. Right here, at this moment, I felt whole. With him by side, I felt like we were the only ones in the world. I just closed my eyes, and blissfully followed the music.
All good things must come to an end as midnight was fast approaching. It was surprising how fast time flies when you’re having fun, cliché as that may sound. It was time to crown the homecoming king and queen.
“And our homecoming king and queen belongs to…Taevon Jackson and Ally Connor!”
I was frozen to the core. Me? Homecoming queen? This seemed a little unreal. I mean, I was flattered and all, but I didn’t come here thinking I’d actually be crowned!
But there I was, together with Taevon, shocked at the very moment. Being homecoming queen was like a popularity contest, and apparently I was voted most popular. How many boys growing up could honestly grow up thinking they might one day be homecoming queen?
A few dances later and Taevon and I decided it was time to head home. Grace and Dante met up one last time to grant us farewell.
Driving me back to my own house, we continued to talk minutes and minutes on end. They were enlightening conversations, to be sure, but right now there was only one thing that was bugging my head at this point. Should I give him a kiss, or not? I wondered. I don’t even know why I was debating this. After all of this, of course I was gonna kiss him! As far as I’m concerned, the only thing I should be worried about is trying to make that kiss as good for him as it would for me!
And so as he pulled up to the front of my house I immediately grabbed the back of his head and pulled him into my readied lips. I gave him such a passionate kiss, I don’t think it’s ever felt this good, even back when I was dating Jessica. For once, I one hundred percent believed that this was right. And for once, I was happy to be embracing it.
“Good night, Taevon,” I said as I shut the door behind him.
Going up the stairs of my house I gleefully skipped into my room, giggling the whole way through. Thank God my mother was such a heavy sleeper, because having her see me like this would’ve been embarrassing.
Three weeks had past, and it pretty much was evident that Taevon and I were a couple. Often times he would wait for me early in the morning as we’d walk together to school. My mom eventually realized my little “thing” with him and wholehearted approved. Like I said, I swear she always wanted a daughter, I’m sure she’s just glad I’m started to accept the more feminine aspects of my life.
Of course, if she knew just exactly how I met this charming boy she’d probably kill me. The price you pay for keeping secrets.
But even after all that, it made me wonder. I worked hard to return to football, as a way to somehow retain a small piece of masculinity. Now I’ve been enjoying this other side of me so much that I practically forget I was ever born a man at all!
Sometimes all it takes is a major kick in the teeth to bring you back to reality.
It was after school and Taevon and I were following our normal routine of walking home together when we were stopped by two people I hope I’d never had to see again.
“Well, if it isn’t the football girl!” she said, startling me as she caught me off guard. “Can you believe it Mikey? Look how far she’s gone!”
It was Jessica, who seemed to have her paws all over the star pinhead Mike. I had been gone for so long I didn’t think they seemed to worry about me. I was dead wrong.
“Geez,” Mike added, “She don’t look as tough as she used to, I know that.”
“Dating boys now, I take it?” Jessica guessed as she saw my hand being held by Taevon. “Maybe he should date a real woman, and not some freak!”
“Take that back!” he demanded.
“Wait, you don’t know?” she reacted. “You don’t know what she really was?”
“Jess, stop it,” I begged of her. She was too smug to even give a damn.
“She was once a he!” she exclaimed, almost taking pride in watching me suffer. What a bitch!
“What?” he couldn’t believe his ears.
“Well, what do you think was up with her?” she continued. “A female football player? Come on! With all that skill you didn’t think that maybe she could’ve been a transformee?”
I was beginning to tear up. This can’t be happening. Not now.
“Why couldn’t she had learn how just like any other person?” He asked.
“You really think society would let her?” she countered. “And even then, would they even allow someone like her to play with you guys? She really had to have a lot of skill. Skill that most people would have refused to have taught her.”
“Sorry to say it dude,” Mike chimed in. “But you’ve been dating a dude.”
“Like I said, Allen…or Ally or whatever you call yourself,” Jessica concluded, “you should’ve became a cheerleader of gymnast or something of the like. You could’ve gotten the boy and you would have never heard from us.”
“I can’t believe it dude,” Mike added. “You, liking guys. Wow. But hey, I hafta say thanks for everything. Ever since your change I found the perfect girl. Don’t worry, I’m treating her right.”
Taevon had enough of this. “Leave, before I give you an ass beating you’ll never forget.”
Mike heard that and just smiled. “Whatever, man,” he simply replied. “By the way, good luck on the game next Friday.” With that he gave a kiss on Jess’s cheek and walked away. I was left there, stunned. How could they do such a thing?
I had to explain. “Taevon!” I cried. “Please let me explain!”
He just shrugged me off. “Ally, I…” he began to walk off, confused and hurt all at once. I wanted to rush over to him.
“Please Taevon, stop!” I cried again, the tears falling from my eyes like a leaky faucet. “Please, don’t hate me!”
He stopped for a second. “I don’t know what to think anymore, Ally. I want to feel angry, I want to scream at top of my lungs, but I just can’t. Everything is so confusing to me. Just…let me be.”
And with that he and I parted our separate ways. I knew why they did it. They saw our football team as a threat. They had to sow the seeds of doubt inside us, and they did an excellent job. Now I was left to pick up the pieces.
And the worst part of this all was this was only the tip of the iceberg.
I walked through the front door a little after six only to be greeted by my mother, who didn’t seem to be all that pleased. She pulled me over to the television screen where she had the news paused for a very specific moment.
And here’s sports!
Oh God, I thought to myself, as things couldn’t get any worse.
It’s been said that football is a man’s game. And while women’s athletics have been making headway since the passing of Title IX, there are still barriers that separate the boys from the girls. Football seems to be one barrier, often seen as too violent for girls to participate in. However, there seems to be one girl bucking that trend, and is proving that regardless of their detractors there’s nothing that a woman can’t handle.
Reporting from Franklin High School, we talk to teammates and peers about the fantastic story of Ally Connor, who currently is a Junior playing cornerback for their high school football team.
They interviewed everyone and everything, from Jelana, to Taevon and my fellow defensive backs, to even my best friend Grace. It’s weird that I wasn’t aware of this. Wouldn’t you think that they’d want to interview me?
Congratulations to Ally Connor, our athlete of the week!
I should’ve thought thing through. I was a female athlete, playing a man’s game, with men, no less. Of course there’s going to be some hype!
My mother turned off the TV, and I could tell she was absolutely livid.
“What do you have to say about this?” she demanded. “I told you no and you went behind my back anyway. Why did you lie to me?”
“Football is my passion!” I replied. “So what if I’m a girl? Why can’t I enjoy it while it lasts?”
“Those are boys you’re playing with!” she retorted. “They’re bigger and stronger and could easily hurt you!”
“I don’t know,” I countered, “I seem to be holding my own out there.”
“It only takes one time!” she argued. “I won’t have you permanently injured. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life!”
“I would have regretted the rest of my life if I didn’t take this opportunity,” I replied. “They love me out there, respect me. Everything I had as Allen I still have now! Can’t you see this makes me happy?”
“You just have to adapt and move on, dear,” she said rather bluntly.
“Move on?” I began. “You don’t seem to get it. Football is my life! Without football, I wouldn’t have been able to retain what masculinity I had left, and without football I wouldn’t have been able to accept and embrace the femininity I’ve gained! The woman you see today- football made her! Without it, I don’t know where I’d be!”
The day was too much for me. I was surprised I still had tears left in reserve after all the crying I did. I ran upstairs. I didn’t want to hear anymore. I just needed to sleep, and get this miserable day behind me.
“What?” I shrieked after class. Jelana obviously got my mom’s memo.
“Don’t you realize how much trouble you’ve put me through?” she explained. “If she wanted, you mother could have pressed legal charges on me. I just can’t have that, Ally. I’m sorry.”
“But you know how much playing means to me!” I screamed, hoping that maybe that’ll change her tune since otherwise I had nothing. Of course, that didn’t work.
“Ally…” she sighed as she turned the other way. “A long time ago, I was like you in a sense. You’ve seen my house, all my possessions and everything. It’s pretty obvious that I didn’t make it on a teacher’s salary.”
She turned around and dropped the bombshell. “I was a transformee, like you. It was around 5 years ago. I graduated college, and was a highly rated linebacker coming out of Texas. You may have heard the name, Jared Jennings.”
Being a big Seattle Seahawk fan, I heard of the name. He was the first round pick back in 2013. He was considered a can’t miss prospect, someone who they had to draft. Yet as soon as they signed him to a contract, he disappeared. Many people were frustrated about the situation. Seattle just wasted a pick on a no show.
“When I turned into a woman, the gender switching phenomena was still in its infancy,” she continued. “No one knew what or how that happened, but it did. They voided my contract, and I ended up with only the lump sum they paid me as a bonus. That day I gave up on football. I gave up because of my gender. When I heard the story about you, and what had happened, I took an interest. Maybe I was a little overzealous, maybe I was naíve. I so badly wanted to see my vision in you. And for that, I was wrong. I’m sorry, Ally. I just can’t risk having you play. My job is all I have left, and I can’t risk putting it in jeopardy.”
She walked off, and I was back to where I started- alone, with my lover, my dreams, and my passions all driven away from me. I tried to fight, to not give in to society’s demands, to live life how I wanted to live, regardless of gender. And, after all the hard work, I wound up with nothing. No matter how much I struggled, I seem to always be under the thumb of someone else, be it my mom, my coach, or even Mike and Jessica, who seem to have it out for me. In the end, it just wasn’t meant to be.
I heard the news from over the weekend. Franklin high school just lost their first game. Taevon didn’t have much of a game. He was picked off twice and dropped a few passes. Of course that was nothing compared to the real story: Franklin’s girl wonder didn’t show. People were wondering where I was that night. When I told them the harsh truth, they felt sorry for me. Yet at the same time they were able to go about their lives. I, however, wasn’t so sure.
The spectacle died down slowly thereafter. Grace however, still hovered around me, and she sure wasn’t pleased with the current state I was in. The biggest thing that may have bothered her the most however was Taevon and me.
Finally one day she couldn’t take it anymore.
“That’s it!” she shouted in a rather impromptu manner.
“Huh?” I stared at her, confused.
“I can’t take it anymore!” she said. “Look at you, all moping around like that! God, it’s getting unbearable!”
“I’m sorry,” I said. “It’s just been so rough.”
“This isn’t like you,” she stated. “When there were obstacles in your way, you fought through them. No matter how big the wave, you swam against it. And now you’re giving up after all of this?”
“I don’t know what to do,” I admitted.
“Then we’ll need to figure that out, now don’t we?” she suggested. The bell rang, and it was time to head to class. “I’ll see you,” she said as we walked our separate ways.
It was the middle of the evening. I was grounded so naturally I was stuck inside my house, dying from boredom. My uniform was taken from me, and no evidence I was ever a football player remained. That hurt most of all- that that part of my life was taken and thrown into the dumpster for all I know. Even if we would get along again I could never forgive me mom for this, even if she was only doing it for my best interests.
Sitting on the living room couch, doing my homework, I heard a knock on the door. As I opened the door I was caught by surprise. It was Taevon.
“Can I come in?” he asked.
“I’m kinda grounded,” I replied, even though my mother wasn’t currently there, I didn’t really want to draw more of her wrath.
“It won’t take long,” he insisted. Honestly, I couldn’t say no. So I let him in and he sat down on the couch opposite of me.”
“I’ve take it you’ve heard,” I said, referring to having to drop the team.
“Yeah,” he replied. “That was a real bummer.”
“So what is it you wanted to talk about?” I asked.
“So you truly were a guy once?” he asked.
I rolled my eyes, wishing this would never come up. “Yes, Taevon,” I answered.
He just looked at me. From his body language you could tell what he was about to say would be hard on him.
“My…my dad,” he began, “he was a transformee too. Just happened one day out of the blue. It was hard on me.”
“I’m sorry,” I said as I cusped his hand with mine.
“It was hard for my mother,” he continued. “She said she could go through living in such a relationship if it could preserve our family. But I knew that it wouldn’t last.”
I could tell where this was going.
“The worst part of it was my dad,” he claimed. “He just couldn’t see my mom in the same light. He began to sneak out behind her back. He was dating men, Ally! Men! It was like I lost the very figure I aspired to, looked up to! And although they separated on agreeable terms, I still continue to blame him…her, for what he did.”
He turned to me and asked a simple question. “Do you even like women anymore?”
I looked at him and sighed. These questions were difficult for me to answer. Not because I didn’t want to accept the truth, but because I’m sure that regardless of the answer I gave him it would still hurt.
“I’ve tried looking at girls in a sexual nature, Taevon,” I began. “For some reason, I just can’t feel it. It’s just the nature of things, I guess. I didn’t date you because I’m some pervert, or anything like that. Just like I don’t think your father left your mother because she was also. He didn’t hate your mother, I truly believe that. It’s just what it is. I wish I could explain it better.”
Then as I put my hand on his lap I told him straight up, “I dated you because I loved you, Taevon. There is nothing more or less about it. You mean a whole lot to me, and without you I truly couldn’t come to accept who I really was. I can’t change what I was in the past, but I’ll tell you right now, I will never leave you. I promise.”
With our gazes stared out at one another, we slowly put our lips together and kissed. It felt like an eternity sense our lips combined. It wasn’t a moment too soon.
Holding his hand I got up as I motioned him upstairs. I couldn’t wait anymore. I want him, mind body and spirit. For him, I would give him my most valuable possession.
Tonight I lost my virginity to him, and it never felt better…
We lied naked under the covers as I cuddled up next to him. I smiled to let him know that I enjoyed it. He grinned back, making me glad that it was just as an amazing experience for him as well.
“So, those knuckleheads,” he began, referring most likely to Mike and Jess, “You used to go to school with them?”
“Yeah,” I admitted.
“And that girl,” he continued, “You used to date her?”
“Worst mistake of my life,” I admitted. He just responded by laughing a little bit. Looking up at him, I knew that in him I made up for that. He was the best thing in my life.
Suddenly I could hear the garage door open from outside. Shit! I realized. If she knew what I did she’ll kill me! Taevon realized he was in a tight spot and had to get out quick. With only my bed sheet to cover me, I motioned him to get his clothes on as I opened the window from my room.
“I used to sneak out from here sometimes whenever we had practice,” I claimed. “Just climb down from the tree there and you should be able to get away!”
He gave me one final kiss as he put his shirt on. “I’ll see you in class tomorrow!” he stated as he made his way out my window. Shutting the window I got my clothes on and quickly threw the sheets in the washer without any hassle. I usually was in charge of washing my own things, so if I say my sheets are dirty, then they’re dirty, no questions asked. Did I feel guilty going behind my mother’s back again? Honestly, hell no! I’m a teenager after all, that’s what we do!
The next day I was greeted once again by Grace, who was standing in front of my locker. She was sporting a grin as if she knew something.
“So, how was your little get together with Taevon last night, hmmm?” she couldn’t help but pry.
“How did you know he visited me?” I asked. I’d rather not have all the juicy details from last night be floating around just waiting to be gobbled up by gossip hungry vultures.
“It was my idea,” she said, acting all smug. “Sure, I had to push him around a little bit, give him a little stern talking to, if you know what I mean. So I assume everything worked out okay?”
“You did that for me?” I just couldn’t believe.
“Well someone had to break this little stalemate you two were having,” she replied. “Don’t worry, you can thank me later. Now it’s time to initiate phase two!”
“Phase two?” I looked at her, seeing that her nerdy behavior was taking over.
“Yep!” she replied. “Now we got to find a way to get you back on the field!”
I looked at her and shook my head. “I think that may prove to be a little tough, even for you, Grace,” I told her. “I don’t think my mom will budge.”
“This Saturday,” she explained. “You know who we’re facing, right?”
“Yeah,” I answered, “Roosevelt. But what does that have to do with anything?”
“It’s for the division title, if I remember correctly,” she added. “It won’t be easy.”
“What can I do about that?” I answered.
“Just show up this Saturday, Ally,” she implored me. “There are many ways to help a team, after all. And besides, Taevon could use the emotional support.
“You know I’m grounded, right?” I reminded her.
“Well,” she paused for a moment, “Sometimes there are no right choices. Sometimes you just have to decide which one will have fewer consequences to deal with and go with it. All I have to say is when you make your choice make sure you don’t regret it.”
I already knew she was planning something. Hell, she could have already had it laid out by now. She did get me and Taevon back together and I never knew she had a hand in that. Still I knew whatever it was she wouldn’t do anything sinister. She’s been nothing but a good friend to me.
Meanwhile I had to deal with she told me. My mother was watching me a lot more closely since I deceived her. And while certain things, like the little “thing” I did with Taevon, could be hidden from her sight, sneaking out of my room for extended periods of time was difficult to manage. She’d find out eventually, and most likely make my life even more hellish than it has been. However, this game was a big deal to me as well, even if I wasn’t going to play in it. I knew that my smug bitch of an ex-girlfriend Jess would be there, supporting her man. If anything I should be there for mine. Grace was right; anyway I could help out the team would be beneficial, even if that meant rooting for them in the stands. And it would be a glorious sight to see Mike beaten and humiliated.
After class I let Grace know my decision. “I’m in,” I told her.
It was my one year anniversary since my transformation. Looking back on it now I reminisced and found myself amazed at just how far I’ve come. I couldn’t even imagine returning being a guy, even if the opportunity were to arise. After all the hurdles I’ve gone through, for the most part things were almost perfect.
Only one thing was left missing from my life. It was everything that tied me, this life, and my former life, together. It was going to be tough, watching the game from the stands, but I knew I had to be there. My mother couldn’t take the game away from me, no matter how hard she tried. It may not be ideal, but it’s something, and maybe that something is enough.
It was a cold autumn day. I knew the game would start soon. I bundled up as well as I could, wearing extra layers. Being a woman seemed to make me more sensitive to the cold. With my bedroom door closed and nothing else to lose I decided to make my way out from my window. She’ll eventually find out, there’s no doubt about it, but for now I decided to just focus on the now, and worry about the repercussions when they happen.
It was a big event as I arrived at the stadium. Cars filled the parking lots and the spectators seemed to clog up all the major entrances. I didn’t even know if I’d have a chance to grab a ticket before they’d all run out.
Luckily Grace was there for me, already prepared. Locating her, she waved her hands, signaling me over. I made my way over to her, and she handed me a ticket.
“What would you do without me?” She asked, obviously needing no answer. Perhaps one day I’ll pay her back for all of this.
“C’mon!” she urged as she pulled me by the hand to our seats. We were front row right near the sidelines. These were surprisingly nice seats; I’m surprised she could afford them.
Still, no matter how close I was to my team it wasn’t close enough. Just being up here felt awkward. I still felt that need to actually be on the field and help get the victory. Plus I really wanted to show Mikey and his boys just who they were messing with.
This was the best I could do however, and if that was the case, then I’ll put up with it. My eyes met up with Taevon, full padded and ready to go. He gave me a smile as he put on his helmet. He knew how much I was risking just by showing up here, and he was appreciative of it.
Standing in front of him was the best team of the state, undefeated Roosevelt High, my former team. Last year they were unable to go the distance as my sudden transformation prevented it. Now back in the championship game they looked forward to make up for it. Knowing that this was the school that the “freak” went to only made their goal a whole lot sweeter. And it looked like Mike was giving his team all the juicy details. It made me fear what may happen to Taevon if they spent their energy purposely attacking him as penance for last year’s misfortune, and the worst part was they were too insensitive to realize I couldn’t help becoming a transfromee. It wasn’t like I lost the game on purpose!
The kick off was up and was caught by our return man. He didn’t get real far however as soon as he took off from the endzone he was drilled by the opposing team’s tackler. He would have been better just kneeling for the touchback.
Still it was my team’s ball at the 15 and they had to make the most of it. So much for that.
They very first play was a simple hand off to the running back, Joseph, and immediately he was hammered by the opposing team’s linebacker, fumbling the ball. They immediately picked it up and scored the first touchdown. Joseph just lay there, looking totally out of it. I knew he had a concussion, and the worst thing was the refs didn’t even call an excessive roughness penalty. I could help but cuss them out from the stands.
Another thing stood out to me. For the first time I could kind of see what my mother was so afraid of. It only takes one mishap, and everything could come crashing down. Concussions are a part of the game, and it may take some time before it truly comes back to haunt him, but the thought was there. What if that happens to Taevon? I thought to myself. I was just praying Joseph was okay.
Roosevelt was pulling away with the lead as Mike went to work. Without me in there our cornerback depth was less than ideal. He easily had his way with them, much to his delight. He ran back to the sidelines after every score, blowing a kiss to me. What a sleezeball!
Our team tried their best just to keep the pace. It was already an uphill battle when Joseph went out. Luckily Taevon and Dante covered, and with a slew of passed plays our two receivers did manage to reach the endzone once.
However that wasn’t enough, and while they did manage to get a few field goals in their possessions the other team countered with touchdowns. They were draining the air from our atmosphere as the crowd was unnervingly silent.
It was around the 2 minute warning when I recognized her coming down from the stands. My mother seemed to figure out just exactly where I was going to be, and she was not pleased. Grace saw my little problem, and seemed ecstatic. For her, it was time for her to unleash her plan.
“Let her play!” She chanted. “Let her play! Let her play!”
Her enthusiasm was contagious, as soon other people began to join her. They all knew who was sitting in the front row here, and they knew that the place I truly belong at was in the field, helping my team. Soon everyone was chanting, and I realized my mother was feeling a little uncomfortable as she walked on down to get me.
My mother grabbed my hand as she walked me up the stairs and through the tunnel into the car. It didn’t matter how many people protested it seemed. Even seeing the spark from the crowd, urging her, urging me, to come on in and play, it just didn’t work. Or so I thought.
She looked at me and just sighed. She was thinking, trying to put the right words together for her to speak. Finally she managed to say something.
“To be honest,” she began, “I didn’t like you playing the sport when you were a male either.”
I just shook my head in disgust. I wanted to say something but she held her finger up, telling me to wait. She wasn’t done talking it seemed.
“I was never like your father,” she continued. “He could always see the best in anything, even something as vicious as this. Perhaps I let him have his way a little too much, I don’t know.”
She looked over to me and continued. “When he died, all I had left was you. Do you know how that makes me feel? I fear something happening to you every single day you run out that door. That night during that game when you went through your change, that was the last straw. To see you aching and suffering…watching go through that, I felt like you were truly going to die that night. I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t say no to football because you were a girl, Ally. I did it because I realized just how fragile life can be. I don’t want to lose you too.”
Putting her hand on my lap, she got to the point. “I want you to grow up and live a long healthy life, no matter what gender you are…” She paused for a second and then said something that shocked me. “…But you can’t live a healthy life unless you’re happy, and as much as I resist the fact, it seems football truly does make you happy.”
“Mom?” I said, still at shock at what was going on just now.
“I don’t know how long this fad will last,” she admitted, “or how far you’ll go. But this seems like a pretty important game and they could truly use you. I’m willing to turn the other cheek just this once…”
“You mean…?” I couldn’t help but feel my emotions build up.
“I have your equipment in the trunk of the car,” she stated. “I was going to throw it away but I didn’t have the opportunity. Head to the locker room, I’ll come let your coach know.”
I gave my mother a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks, mom!” I cried as I got out of the car. I needed to hurry. The second half was about to start!
With my mom by my side we made our way to the team locker room. My coach and my teammates were surprised to see me as I set down my equipment bag.
“Ally?” Jelana asked as I unzipped my bag and pulled out my helmet.
“Put me in coach,” I told her. “We got a game to win!”
Jelana looked at my mother, and she gave her a nod for the go ahead. Satisfied with her response, she smiled and said. “Get your pads on and get out there. Halftime is almost over we don’t have any time to celebrate!”
I agreed and I immediately went over to somewhere private to put on my gear. It was time for a little payback against that jackass Mike.
Coming out of the tunnel I was greeted by the cheers of the adoring fans. Their wish had come true, now it was time to reward them for their continued support.
We were out on defense first. My eyes were totally on Mike. I wanted him to know I was out here, and I wouldn’t make this a picnic for him. He shrugged as he brushed me aside, only giving me one of his shit eating grins as ran into his huddle. He assumed I’d be easy, just like many other men at his position. He’d be dead wrong.
We got set up on defense as he hiked the ball. If there was one weakness to Mikey, it was his over confidence. He’d make some careless throws that he’d assume would be caught. For lesser defensive backs, he might have a point, but not me. Testing me out, I answered, getting a hold of the ball and slapping it to the ground. With that I gave him a cold stare to let him know, I would not be messed with.
Still the poor little boy didn’t care as he threw another pass my direction. Again I hassled his receiver, causing another incomplete pass. The crowd was going wild. It only pumped me up further. It was third down. Let’s stop them here and now.
I was about to huddle up for the next play until Jelana called me over to the sidelines. Did I do something wrong? I hustle over to her to see what she wanted.
“Ally,” she began, “Full on blitz.”
“Really?” I questioned, thinking it might be detrimental to completely ignore my assignment.
“Really,” she reaffirmed. “Besides, I know you want a piece of him,” she suggested, referring to the team’s quarterback. “You seem to be staring at his number all game like a bull’s eye on was painted on his chest. Now go!”
I immediately returned to the huddle and with what little time we had left I told them the play. I was a little iffy on the play call, but I did want a little retribution from the headcase under center.
We got into position and Mike hiked the ball. My mind was entirely focused. While their offensive linemen were focused on the big guys up front I was completely open. I charged headstrong towards my target, and with the ferocity of a bullet train I leaped up and speared the hapless quarterback, drilling him to the ground and forcing him to fumble. And who just so happened to recover? It was a defensive tackle, and knowing anything about defensive tackles, they aren’t known for their speed, to put it lightly.
The roles were switched, and now I was playing the lead blocker. This was gonna be fun. The opposing team was constantly nipping on our heels, and I was the last line of defense. Run big boy, run! I’m not meant for this blocking crap!
It was nearly impossible as their running back was charging up in a hurry. It was time to put my body on the line. Hoping to at least veer him off his target I rushed in and leaped in front of him, taking the punishment as he collided with me. Ugh, that’s gonna hurt in the morning.
But I did the job. Somehow our fat tackle made his way to the endzone, where he fell on his back and gasped for air. Everyone cheered as the rest of the team helped him off the field and onto the bench. Where’s the help for little ol’ me?
Time was running out and the 2:00 minute warning had passed. We got it down to a four point lead. However, they had the ball and all they needed was a first down and they sealed the deal. Regardless of our valiant effort, all they needed was a couple yards. A simple rushing play would be all they needed for the victory.
Yet that’s not what they called. It might have been Mike’s arrogance or some attempt at a surprise play, but Mike decided to fake the hand off to his runner. As our pass rushers closed in on the quarterback, he decided to heave the ball toward my direction. This was it, our one last shot, and it was all mine.
I reached up for the ball and picked off the pass and I was off running. This seemed rather familiar: championship game, hardly any time left, and me with the ball. That one year ago weighed heavy on me as I ran down the field. The pain, the struggle, and the last steps of my masculinity, all happened the exact same way. This time things were different. That’s why I did exactly what I did last time, and stopped short of the endzone.
It made sense this time. We had time on the clock, and we had to run it off. It was the offense’s time to shine. We were at the one inch line, and that’s all we needed to seal the victory.
And with a fitting end our quarterback threw the ball to better half, Taevon. The clock struck zero as Taevon caught the ball, winning the game, pulling off the upset of a lifetime.
Immediately all our fans rushed onto the field ready to celebrate this moment with us. I felt like a fan myself, rushing to my boyfriend’s side as I threw my helmet into the air. With that I was no longer the cornerback of my team, but now the girlfriend and supporter of our new hero, who was ready to plant a big kiss on his lips for a job well done. And I sure didn’t disappoint.
It’s been a good eight months since that victory. Taevon graduated and moved on to bigger and better things. He told me that he’d choose a college that would accept females playing the game, but I told him that he shouldn’t hamper himself for my sake. I didn’t know what the future had in store for me, but I’d figure it out.
Looking over at the new class of freshmen I knew we had a tough road ahead. The journey had just begun and they could be damn sure I would be giving them hell if they didn’t put forth the effort. With Taevon gone someone had to pick up the slack!
Yet something caught my eye as I looked down the locker room. Was that a girl? Why, it was! She was in a locker putting her bag inside. My curiosity got the best of me so I went over to say hello.
“So what are you trying out for?” I asked her.
She seemed rather intimidated at my presence. “P-punter,” she replied.
I sat her down and told her, “You don’t need to feel so nervous over me. I won’t bite!”
She calmed down a little bit and commented, “It’s just that, you’re such an inspiration. To be standing here next to you is a tremendous honor.”
I smiled at her and asked, “How long have you played?”
She just shook her head. “Not very long,” she answered. “But I used to be a good soccer player.”
“Punter seems to be a good fit for you then,” I replied. I then decided to change the subject. “Listen. Out here, there will be many people trying to target you, both physically and mentally, particularly because you’re a woman. You won’t get any leniency here. You play hard and do your job, people will respect you just like me. But don’t give up; don’t let them see your weakness.”
She looked at me nodded. “Yes, ma’am.”
I walked back over to my locker and grabbed my helmet. I just stared at it and smiled. My life had come full circle, and now it was time to start another fruitful year. As I take the field, I was filled with a sense of pride. I’d make it my goal to continue to be an inspiration to my friends, my gender, and most importantly, to myself. I was Ally Connor, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
I remembered that pamphlet that strange man gave me. It seemed so appealing now. No, I didn’t believe in these new age religious things, but seeing how my parents felt made me realize how desperate things had become. At this point I’d try anything just to get better.
I couldn’t believe I was about to resort to this…
Bzzz…Bzzz…Bzzz…
I slapped the snooze button on my alarm clock as a groggily fell out of bed. I don’t even know why I still keep that thing on, like I have anything to look forward to or something. I just lost my job last week; second one in a span of a year. Not like it really amounted to anything anyway- just a simple stocking job. Not much money from that, not enough to move out from under my family’s roof anyway. What’s the point?
So here I am, early thirties, and not going anywhere soon. Worried? Sure, join the crowd. I’ve heard the insults spewed my way: slacker, lazy good for nothing leach, spoiled brat. The truth is a little more difficult to explain. Really I just don’t have “it.” You know- the drive to succeed in life. It’s like everything I do is pointless, and between that and my impatience, if I don’t see results quick, I just stop.
And the worst part of it is, I don’t know why that is. My family is extremely caring, evident by putting up with me even at this age. I wasn’t really picked on or abused in school or anything. If anything life was pretty good. It just is, and that just boggles my mind. Why?
Walking down the stairs and into the kitchen I start my day following the same routine: eating my bowl of Cap’n Crunch while mindlessly walking over to the television, turning it on to today’s sporting news. I pretend to not notice my father, just like he pretends to sit at the dining room table reading his newspaper. I knew, he was watching me, worried about me like everyone else.
He decided to start the day by making conversation.
“Searching for a new job?” he asked.
“Sure,” I replied, although he and I both knew I wasn’t searching as hard as I should.
He gave a look of disdain. He wouldn’t argue the point, but the disappointment was apparent on his face. Maybe a little tough love would be useful once in awhile. He was more of a support figure. He never was one to put the foot down when needed. Maybe that’s a weakness, I don’t know.
“You have an appointment with your therapist today?” he asked, switching the topic.
“Yeah,” I told him.
“Well, hopefully you’ll make a breakthrough today,” he hoped. Putting the paper down, he walked over to me and put a firm hand on my shoulder. “Good luck, son.” With that he grabbed his briefcase and may his way out the door.
That’s the worse feeling you can have. Much worse than having a father barking, stark raving mad as if he was about to erupt like a volcano. No, it’s that guilt. It’s the realization that my problems not only hurt me, but everyone else. That’s the worst feeling in the world. I wish I knew where the heart of the issue lies. I wish it was easy to say, hey, fuck it, I’m gonna go out there and make a difference, but it’s hard. Don’t ask me why it is, it just is.
And that’s the excuse for everything in my life: it just is.
“So, yeah,” I began, as I was lying down on a couch, talking to my therapist. “They fired me last week. Said it was because of my abrasive nature, but it’s not like I go out of my way trying to make enemies.”
“But you don’t go out of your way to make friends either,” he suggested.
“I suppose not,” I replied.
“So maybe the reason people assume you’re abrasive is because you don’t make the effort to prove to them otherwise,” he hinted.
“I don’t see why people automatically assume the worst in me,” I told him.
“It’s like everything else in life, Kevin,” he began. “Everything takes effort.”
“And if there was a panacea that could improve my motivation, then I’d gladly take it,” I retorted.
“And you know there isn’t any medication for such things,” he replied. “We can only provide what we can to help balance your depression, but the other half has to be through your own life’s changes.”
“So, in other words, I have to motivate myself to be motivated?” I mocked.
“You need to get your feet wet, Kevin,” he explained. “You’re 32 years old now, and the only way you can beat this is to accept your fears and just do it.”
“Easier said than done,” I reminded him.
He just sighed. “I’m gonna recommend an increase in your medication,” he insisted as he began to write my prescription. “I wouldn’t mind seeing you again in the next 2 weeks.”
He gave me the paper and I got up and left. Like more medicine was going to make the difference.
Walking out the building I was stopped by a strange man.
“You seem rather down, son,” he began.
“Yeah,” I replied, stating the obvious. “That’s pretty common in a place like this.”
“Of course,” he replied. “But nothing they do seems to be helping, am I right?”
Okay, so he’s beginning to pique my interest.
“You aren’t some drug dealer, are you?” I questioned.
“Oh, me?” he replied. “Oh, nono!” He then handed me a pamphlet. “Perhaps we can offer an alternate solution.”
I didn’t bother reading it, at least not in front of him. Honestly he seemed kind of peculiar and I didn’t want to spend more time with him than I already had. “Uh, thanks,” I said, as I walked to my car.
Now that he was out of the picture I stared at the pamphlet with a little more curiosity. I picked it up and began reading:
People for thousands of years have suffered and battled many forms of mental disorders: depression, anxiety, schizophrenia. Today many rely on western medicine to quell many of these symptoms. However, what these medications lack is the ability to actually get to the heart of the issue, and while many therapists attempt to find it through counseling and other practices, sometimes the issues are more complex than what is simply told.
The fault of western medicine is the treatment for these disorders are focused directly in the mind. However, what they fail to realize is that the mind is but a relay from where depression acts. Much like walking or talking, everything is orchestrated by the mind based on your commands. Depression is much like you, a driving force in which orchestrates its desires in a similar matter.
Then, what exactly does this mean? Where does the root of depression lie? The answer lies deep within the human soul. Its will is what commands the brain to unleash its actions. However, most science cannot accept the idea of a “soul” without scientific evidence. Therefore they cling onto their western medicinal treatments to this very day.
The Mesmer Foundation seeks to snuff out the root of depression permanently, by combining science and spiritualism into a single, comprehensive treatment plan. Explore parts of your soul that you’ve never thought existed before! With deep introspection and understanding both spiritually and mentally, together we can find the cure.
Okay, I thought to myself. That guy was worse than a drug dealer. He was one of them fruity religious types. I crumpled up the paper and threw it into the back seat of my car. Obviously a clean car wasn’t something I cared much about.
Night fell, and I slowly opened the door, carrying my medication and other stuff I got from the store. I seemed to have walked into a rather personal conversation going on in the dining room. My parents were so into it and the family room was so dark I didn’t think they noticed me walking in. I made it not hard for me to eavesdrop.
“I just don’t know what to do,” My father began. “I mean, this is what, his second job he’s been fired from?”
“Just need to give him time dear,” My mother suggested him.
“Melissa, he’s 32,” he told her. Like I haven’t been reminded so much already. “I want to believe it to be true but, I just don’t know anymore.”
She just looked at him and frowned.
“And me,” he continued, “I should be retiring by now. I thought things would be easy once I reached this age, but it’s just one headache after another.”
“You’re still going to help him, aren’t you?” my mother asked.
“Of course,” he answered. “I love him, dear. But there’s only so much I can do and I don’t even know where to start! I’ve never felt so hopeless in my life.”
“Roger,” she said.
“Were we…” he began, “were we bad parents?”
“I believe we just did the best we could,” she answered. “Nobody’s perfect.”
I couldn’t hear anymore. I snuck upstairs into my room. Sitting on the foot of my bed, I sat there, thinking about the guilt I’ve caused, the mistakes I’ve made. Nothing made me feel worse. I couldn’t take it. I’ve done counseling, I’ve taken my meds- nothing. What hope did I have left?
I remembered that pamphlet that strange man gave me. It seemed so appealing now. No, I didn’t believe in these new age religious things, but seeing how my parents felt made me realize how desperate things had become. At this point I’d try anything just to get better.
I couldn’t believe I was about to resort to this…
Following the directions that were listed on my crumpled up piece of paper, I made my way to this “Mesmer Foundation” place. I was relieved to find that at least it wasn’t located in a temple or church or something to that effect. It was located in what seemed to be a regular old office building located downtown.
Entering the place I could feel a strange aura about the place; tranquil, if not a little nerve-wracking. I was looking around, wondering if there was a sign in sheet or receptionist desk something. I didn’t notice the man at the corner, whom when he first spoke caught me off guard.
“Welcome,” he simply said in his Indian accent, “I am Anub Singh.”
“Whoa!” I cried as he startled me.
“Forgive me,” he said with a smile, “Sometimes I’m much quieter than I realize.”
Shrugging it off, I asked, “Is there someplace here to sign up at?”
He simply replied, “There’s no need for such mundane procedures. Aren’t there much more important things in life?”
Great, another crackpot. Sorry, I just can’t see how people like him can be so happy all the time.
“Uh…okay,” I said. “So then, what now?”
“Come,” he told me. “Let us talk.”
So I followed him side by side as he began to converse.
“Isn’t this simple?” he conversed. “It feels like people never have time appreciate simple conversation like this anymore.”
I just digressed. I wanted to get to the point, for my family’s sake as well as my own. “You said you know how to defeat depression.”
Again he just responded with another one of his warm smiles. “You had read the pamphlet my associate gave you, no?”
I nodded. “Seemed like a lot of hocus pocus to me.”
He chuckled as he heard that. “I like you,” he replied. “You have quite the sense of humor. However, I assure you, this is not a magic trick.” He opened a door into his room, which was lined in silk and pillows. The incense was surprisingly pleasant to the nose.
“Much less stuffy here than in an office, huh?” he commented. He had a seat on one of the pillows, and with his permission I had a set myself. Reaching for his coffee pot he offered me a cup? “Do you like chai tea?” he asked.
Well, at least I can be thankful for the hospitality.
Pouring him and me a cup, he got down to business. “That man who gave you this pamphlet was once like you,” he explained. “He would go back and forth from the same clinic, getting medicated and seeing counselors without really seeing any progress.”
“And what made him seek you out?” I asked.
“Much like you did, I suppose,” he replied. “But no matter, this is about you.” He sat his tea down. “So how long have you had this depression?”
“It’s hard to say,” I answered, “and I don’t know what caused it either.”
“Good,” he said, “you helped answer my next question for me.”
“Huh?” I wondered.
“Causation is the root of the problem,” he continued. “If we know what was causing this, then we can deal with it. But the problem with depression is you’re fighting blind against an enemy unknown. So they treat you endlessly with things you may have never needed in the first place.”
“So you referenced in your little brochure,” I reminded him.
“Then you know where I’m going with this,” he said. “Sometimes it may be as easy as talking your problems out with your counselor, particularly if the cause was initiated within this lifetime.”
“This lifetime?” I asked.
“Indeed,” he stated. “In my religion, I believe in a thing called Karma. Obviously you should know the gist of it, what goes around comes around.”
“Yeah,” I responded.
“Think of yourself as a three step machine,” he told me, “soul, mind, body. Everyone one of them serves a function. The soul gives out its desire, the mind picks up that information and the body executes it. Now, your mind doesn’t have any problem telling its body what to do, correct?”
“Not really,” I stated.
“So then in reality only one thing could restrict the mind from truly giving out the information, and that would be your soul itself.”
“And why is that?” I asked.
“Self doubt,” he started, “resignation, defeatism. Whatever is the cause for the soul’s interference.”
“Are you sure this just isn’t some imbalance between neuro exciters and inhibitors?” I suggested, hoping he’d see the science of things.
“Even neurotransmitters don’t just appear from thin air,” he told me, “and obviously the medications you’ve been taking haven’t helped to make things any better, no?”
He had a point there.
“Willpower comes from within,” he claimed. “Without will the soul will always be at odds with its brain. You can never get better.”
“So we’re back at square one,” I said with a sigh.
“Now wait just a moment, my young friend,” he continued. “Don’t be so certain.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“So you know I’m Hindu and a believer in karma and reincarnation,” he assumed. “What makes you believe that the cause of your ailment is tied into this life?”
“You’ve lost me there,” I admitted to him.
“Karma, remember?” he explained. “Perhaps the choices and events from your previous life may have shaped the way your soul acts in this one.”
“This is getting a little farfetched,” I told him.
“Why?” he asked. “Because it cannot be proven? Or is it because you’ve already shut yourself out from the idea?”
“Even if it was possible,” I countered, “it’s not like I can just magically remember things from century’s past!”
“You can’t?” he raised the question. “Are you absolutely certain?”
“What are you getting at?” I wondered.
“What if I can tell you you can?” he suggested.
“I’d say you’re crazy,” I replied bluntly.
“Then would you humor me then?” he asked.
“What’s the point?” I countered.
“That sounds like the defeatist attitude you aspire to beat,” he reminded me. “What will it hurt? If nothing happens you can just blame it on this crazy old man.”
I sighed. I really hate being pressured into doing something. Guilt can do that to you. After all, that’s why I sought out this lunatic.
“Fine,” I relented.
He gave me a warm smile. “Very good,” he commended me. “Please, lie down.”
Well, at least the pillows were comfy. Reluctantly I did what he asked.
“You see,” he began, “All the thoughts, feelings, memories of your pass lives still exist within you. They are just locked up, shackled, if you will, inside the very essence of your soul. These memories build up the template to who you are right now. All I need to do is give you the key, and with it, you can relive those moments. Perhaps from there, you can uncover the truth about yourself, and what ails you. So just close your eyes, and focus inward.”
With my eyes closed, I could hear him chanting. It seemed to resonate to the very fabric of my being. It was like I was being carried away…slowly…gently. I had a strange feeling of peace as I floated along the ethereal winds…back…back.
I popped up from my sleep. Unaware that I was sleeping on a hammock I immediately fell out of it and onto the ground below. It felt strange as my body impacted the ground, as if two air bags collided with my chest and swallowed the blow. Unlike air bags, however, this hurt like holy hell. What the?
The burning sensation led me to take a quick look at what just happened. I landed on my breasts.
My breasts? What the hell?
Pulling the hair from my eye, everything was beginning to sink in. Who am I? Where am I? What am I?
The last question was easy to answer, and I was immediately frightened by it.
I was a girl.
No words could properly explain the whirl of emotions that were running through my head, so I did what I felt was natural:
I screamed.
Looking at myself I wanted to shout every expletive I knew. I tried to remember sentences and fragments of old English, but I couldn’t, only reinforcing my unfortunate predicament. It literally was all foreign to me. I’m guessing that anything I’ve learned from a later life can’t be remembered in this one. As in fact, the only thing I could remember was that I was a man.
I couldn't make sense of what was happening to me. I wish I could just chalk it up as a bad dream but the pain in my breasts was too real to ignore. Looking around all around me was tall grass and tropical plants of all types. The humid air brought a moist feeling on my face. Something in me knew where I was, but I had a hard time recollecting.
“Kamala?” I heard a young girl yell from off the distance. Great, I thought to myself, my scream must’ve have alerted someone. I wanted to run as I didn’t want anyone to see me like this. However, where could I go? This place, familiar as it felt, was still relatively different for me.
The young girl came up to me, obviously worried about my well being. She began to speak to me in a strange foreign language.
“Kamala,” she began, “Paỵha keid cak xari?”
Something about it seemed familiar. The wording, the language, it was all coming back to me.
“Kamala?” she said, trying to get my attention. Kamala…was my name. And if I remembered correctly, this girl happened to be my sister.
“Sorry, Kanya,” I told her, “I fell out of the hammock again. It must’ve been a bad dream. Don’t worry about it.”
My eyes widened to the words coming out of my mouth. I didn't reply in English like I would if I was Kevin, but in Thai, as if I spoke it all my life. And in this case, I wouldn’t be surprised if I didn’t.
“Geez, you’re so clumsy!” she taunted. To my amazement I understood everything she was saying! “You better wake up! I heard there’s that today is going to be a big day!”
“Big day?” I questioned. “What for?”
“I heard that the venerable Chuan is coming to town seeking a bride,” She explained. “I heard he’s one of the sons of the great Phraphutthayotfa Chulalok.”
“The king?” I replied.
“So most people refer to him as,” she continued. “To be a part of royalty, oh it would be so wonderful!” she then looked at me and teased. “You act that clumsy though and there’s no way he’ll pick you!”
“I doubt he would pick a brat like you either,” I teased back. She just stuck her tongue out and ran off. I suppose I should head over to my house. I was starting to remember things; maybe I’ll have a better idea of what was going on once I headed there.
Noticing how quickly I was becoming comfortable with both my new body and my environment irritated me. Looking at my reflection from a rather dirty mirror only made things worse. I was as Asian as anyone else around here. My body was curved to perfection and without much inspection I could already see I was extremely attractive. I also looked rather young, like 16 or so. I suppose in this culture I could be considered a young adult, but even that made me feel a little uncomfortable.
Looking at myself I wanted to shout every expletive I knew. Yet the only thing that came out was Thai, only reinforcing my unfortunate predicament. I tried to remember sentences and fragments of old English, but I couldn’t. It literally was all foreign to me. I’m guessing that anything I’ve learned from a later life can’t be remembered in this one. As in fact, the only thing I could remember was that I was a man.
Hard to convince myself that was the case though.
My “mother” came into my room with a traditional Thai silk dress that probably cost most families an arm and a leg. That was the reason of my being here. It seems like that this Chuan kid is a big deal, and my family wanted to pull out all of the stops.
Inside I was totally repulsed by the mere idea of wearing a dress. I wanted to scream- I was a man! I don’t want some other dude checking me out! But, I learned that by becoming Kamala was I was quite reserved. It didn’t make any sense; it wasn’t as if I was timid when I was my former…future self.
It made me begin to wonder how much my life was nature versus nurture. If my parents wished it then I agreed, albeit reluctantly. I guess I’m quite indoctrinated in their beliefs as well- playing the role that my current gender was designated for. It felt like I was playing a part in a script. I can think, I can agree or disagree, but ultimately I went with the flow. It really began to bother me.
“This is my dress, passed down from my parents before me, and them before that,” my mother explained. “May our ancestors bring fortune to us today on this very special occasion.”
Looking at myself, I kind of felt a tinge of pride. I truly did look amazing. Maybe that was me feeling that; maybe that was Kamala. I quickly pushed that aside however. There was no pride in being shopped around like an item. I think even deep down the real Kamala knew that.
A crowd was huddled amongst the streets of downtown. Millions of young women, some even younger than me were on display, each wearing the most delicate and fashionable dresses their parents could afford. They all looked wonderful, but I knew that no amount of beauty could replace a life of servitude.
And there he was, riding on top of a huge elephant with his consorts riding in front of him. Looking at Chuan’s body language you could tell he was an attention whore. He cherished the pedals thrown before him, the intensity of the crowd’s cheers and wails. I saw fathers and mothers holding their daughter out in front of him, begging him to pick her. The chance for a family to obtain royal status was too much to pass up. It was just sickening to watch, and my family was no exception.
At first thought I believed these feelings were a symptom of a more modernized time which I currently resided in, but after debating it, much like my inability to speak English that my views and values as Kevin were also vague to say the least. No, these thoughts had to be Kamala’s real feelings, and I could empathize with every one of them.
I was so deep in thought I didn’t realize that Chuan was fixated entirely onto me. With a simple smirk he grabbed a decent sized pouch from his belt and threw it at my father’s feet. I knew what it was; it was a simsod, a dowry based on a young woman’s perceived wealth. Normally these things would be negotiated, but Chuan didn’t seem to be one to worry about such trivial things. Not that much mattered anyway; just by being married to royalty was value in itself.
While my father drooled at the sight of the glistening gold he just received I could only gasp in horror. Me…with him? Oh God, no! This has got to be some mistake! I can’t do this! I don’t even like you! Hell, I’m not even supposed to BE here! I’m supposed to be at home, in the future, in my body! This is such a sick joke!
“I shall prepare for her arrival within the week,” Chuan declared. “Go now, and celebrate with your family.”
With that he turned to ride off; his escorts following him. This seriously couldn’t be happening. Somebody, wake me up from this nightmare!
And so I became the talk of the town. Gossip spread quickly as the locals began to refer to me as “Princess,” and “highness.” I just wanted to shut myself off from the world. This was too much. I was overwhelmed as it was- I had a new body, a new language, a new family, a new standard of living, and immediately I was thrown into the fire without any say in the matter.
There was no way I wanted anything to do with that man, and it wasn’t just because inside I knew I wasn’t a girl to begin with. I truly believed Kamala didn’t want him either. He didn’t know me! He was just some snobbish little boy who always gets what he wants! True love was something more than a dowry. I’m not some piece of meat!
Whoa, whoa, I thought to myself. I need to stop thinking as if I’m her. The lines were getting blurrier and blurrier as it is. I have to remember I had a life of my own, and while I feel sorry for her, this means nothing to me. My focus should be trying my best to get out of here and back to my own self!
My face staring at the ceiling I let out a long sigh. That was easier said than done.
“So, they’re calling you princess now?” I heard a voice off to my side quip. Slightly startled, I turned over to the window to see a young woman about my age climbing in from it. She seemed awfully familiar…
From my jumbled head I blurted out her name. “Anvea!” I cried as I ran over to her. She seemed to mean something to me. It was an unusual feeling.
It all made sense as she pulled me over for a deep, passionate kiss. All these foreign memories began to pour into my head. I couldn't place myself in those moment we had together, but somehow I could remember I was there.
“Kamala,” she whispered worriedly into my ear. She then pulled me from her embrace, seemingly concerned over the connotations such behavior held. From what my, or at least, Kamala's memories could tell me was it wasn't her lesbianism that scared her.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“I…” she began, “I don’t know if I should be doing this. Not after you’ve been chosen.”
“Anvea…” I replied.
“So what’s it like?” she asked. “being a part of royalty.”
I shook my head as I responded. “I hate it. I didn’t want this. I don’t have any interest for him! Why did he pick me?”
“He probably sees the same things I see,” she believed.
“I think the only things he sees are wrapped behind my clothes,” I quipped, holding in firm grasp my breasts. I can’t believe I was thinking like this!
“Well,” she seductively replied, “those are some nice things too.” I couldn’t help but fall into her embrace as she disrobed me. This must’ve been something we did several times before, because I had total trust in her. I loved her.
“You’re the only thing I want, Anvea,” I told her as I stood bare in front of her. “Ever since we were little girls I knew we were soulmates. I…I don’t want it to be this way.”
“Shhhh,” she replied, with tears in her eyes, “let this night be one we’ll never forget.”
I never felt this way before. No dream could have accomplished what I just felt. Even the sex I felt as a man seemed mechanical, more like a function. This…this was passion, all the way through my body and into the very essence of my soul. For a moment, my thoughts…my fears, seemed to have vanished. All I wanted to do is let go and let myself go as I washed myself in the intense pleasure I felt deep within the core of my being. I only wished it could go on forever.
Sadly all good things must come to an end. As the sensations began to wear so too did my thoughts return- this time with a vengeance. Laying on my bed I slowly stroked my lover’s hair, thinking, contemplating. I didn’t know what to do. It would be wonderful if I could run away with her, going wherever the wind would take us. But was it possible? Chuan was royalty, and had more than just a silver tongue and a pouch of gold in his arsenal. If he wanted he could use his military to hunt me down to the ends of the earth, and although I knew I was pretty resourceful, I had no idea where to go or who to trust if I decided to do such a thing.
Anvea got up and started to put on her clothes. “I must leave,” she told me. “I hope you don’t forget me, Kamala.”
Forget her? I don’t think I could live without her! I reached out for her hand, wishing for her to grab it, but she never noticed. She climbed out the window, leaving me to my uncontrollable fate.
For all the wonderful feelings I had that night, the end of it left me in tears. I just didn’t know what to do. Do I fight for love, or do I do my family proud? I would literally disgrace my entire lineage if I did such a thing. But was it wrong to be happy? Would my ancestry shun such selfishness?
Just stop having me wrestle with these thoughts! I screamed inside my head. Please just wake me up! Please!
Pounding on my pillow, I was quickly becoming fatigued by all the emotion. I didn’t care anymore, whether it was waking up or falling asleep- I just didn’t want to be here anymore.
No sooner did I fall asleep my eyes popped wide open. The first thing I instinctively did was pat down my chest. Flat. My eyes adjusting to the dimly lit room, I realized I was back inside Anub’s room, in my old, male body. I couldn’t help but feel as if I was still floating on thin air, sort of like tripping out on some recreational drugs- or at least that’s what I assumed.
Taking a few minutes to get my bearings straight, I regained enough composure to finally leave the place. Taking a step outside, I realized that the sun had set. I also realized that Dr. Singh was no longer in the facility. It was quite odd as you would think most therapists would stay with their patients for as long as necessary. Of course that’s to say he was some ordinary therapist.
“I see you are awake,” I heard a young woman’s voice calling out from the end of the hallway It was a young Indian girl, I would say in her mid to late 20’s, seemingly dusting off some of the office’s furniture.
“And you are?” I wondered as I walked up to her.
“I’m Vera,” she stated, “I’m Dr. Singh’s granddaughter. Pleasure to meet you.”
“Where did he go?” I asked rather bluntly.
“He decided it be wise to give you your space while on your journey,” she explained. “Don’t be alarmed. Sometimes patients can be out for days on end. It’s perfectly normal.”
“Days!?” I replied, shocked. “And how long was I out for?”
“Only a couple of hours,” she replied. “If you wish you can stay here and sleep off the haze you’re probably feeling. Traveling to your past lives can initially take a lot out of you.”
“Thanks,” I told her, “but I think I’ve spent enough time here for one day. I ought to be getting home.”
“Are you sure?” she asked.
“It’s not a long walk,” I stated. “Take care.”
As I closed the door behind me and began to make my way back home I began to reflect on all that occurred. That was no dream. I was able to remember every detail vividly, from my name down to my dilemma. But what did it all mean? What exactly happened in my previous life that made me into the mess I was now?
My mind was more distracted than a driver texting on a cell phone. I didn’t even bother greeting my parents as I walked through the door. I could only lay on my bed and wonder- wonder where all of this was leading to, and furthermore, how it will fix the problems I had at present.
Living in the middle of a park of a major city, 7 magical fairies reside, living carefree, having suuuuper fun, and helping those who frowns need turned upside down!
…These are their stories.
SUPER HAPPY SPARKLE FAIRIES!
By AoifeM
EPISODE ONE: Out of Luck Mike!
It was a bright and peaceful sunny day. The birds were chirping, the bees were buzzing, the flowers blooming; each one providing a colorful display on Mother Nature’s pastel.
Yet there was one thing that marred the otherwise picturesque scene. Lying on the bench, cover in newspapers, sleeping, still holding a bottle of Crown Royale in his hand, was a poor soul of a man. He only started to reside there a few weeks ago, yet it didn’t take long for our cute little heroines to pick up on him! It looks like he needs a little cheering up!
It looks like a job for the SUPER HAPPY SPARKLE FAIRIES!
“Let’s go girls!” cried the red haired fairy, the leader of the rainbow colored bunch. Together they fluttered to his aid!
The green haired fairy flew up to the guys face. “Hey there,” she greeted, “Time to get up!” She flapped her tiny wings and irritated the poor guy’s nose, causing him to sneeze and blew the poor pixie away.
Finally awake, he had a hard time figuring out what exactly he was seeing. Was he hallucinating? What the hell did I drink yesterday? He thought to himself.
The red haired fairy decided to engage him in conversation. “Hi there! I saw you looking so down, and it looked like you needed help! We’re the SUPER HAPPY SPARKLE FAIRIES!”
He was blinking, rubbing his eyes, still thinking he may have drank too much.
The Fairies proceeded to introduce themselves.
“I’m Ruby!” the Red haired fairy began
“I’m Sunny!” said the Orange haired one.
“I’m Goldie!” the yellow haired girl followed
“I’m Emerald!” cried the green haired fairy, still disoriented by her recent fall.
“I’m Cera!” stated the blue haired women.
“I’m Indie!” the navy haired sprite claimed
“And I’m-“
The Wino seemed to have a good guess on the final girl’s name. Interrupting her, he surmised, “Lemme guess. You’re Violet, right?”
Offended, the purple haired girl gave him a piece of her mind. “Oh, how I wish!” she sarcastically quipped. “Life could be so easy if I could’ve had a say! But no! I couldn’t get such an obvious name as Violet!”
Kind of curious, the Wino asked, “What’s your name then?”
Sighing, obviously not too keen on it, reluctantly replied, “Robutussin.”
With a chortle, Indie teased. “Hehe …Robutussin.”
“Shut up!” Robutussin yelled. Digressing she said under her breath, “If only we had a fairy name change court…”
Changing the subject, little Ruby began to interrogate the ragged man. “So there chum, why so glum?”
In a bolsterous manner he started to tell his story. “I used to have it all! Six-figure salary! Wonderful house! Cars! Respect! Everything! But my stupid wife! She didn’t like how I lived my life! Said I was a bad influence for my kids! She went to court for their custody! And won! And not only that! To put salt on the wound , she filed lawsuit, claiming I needed to pay damages due to the “negligent behavior in the treatment of my children!” “She bled me dry! And the cherry on top, I was fired from my job! They, said I was bringing bad publicity into the company!”
At the breaking point, he dropped his face into the palm of his hands and began to cry uncontrollably. “I don’t know what to do.”
The story tugged on the little fairies’ heartstrings.
“Aw,” Sunny sympathized. “How horrible!”
“Yeah,” Robutussin chimed in, “Seems like a real bitch.”
“Fairies huddle up!” Ruby ordered. The fairies gathered into a circle, whispering amongst each other. While intrigued, the poor man couldn’t make out what they were planning. With a shrug or his shoulder he resumed chugging his bottle of whiskey.
Finally the huddle broke, and Ruby told him their plan. “Okay, now that we know what is up, we’ve found a way to fix you up!”
Waving their tiny little hands in the air, together they began to chant a magical spell. An orb of light shined from above, and in a flash struck the awestruck drunkard.
When he came to, he felt out of place. Everything seemed bigger, and this time he didn’t believe it was the result of his drink.
Leaning over a translucent object, he turned his face and fell into shock. He was leaning on the bottle that he was sipping out of just minutes earlier.
But in the reflection was the biggest surprise of all. No longer was he the haggard man who was down on his luck. Now he was a beautiful pixie girl, just like them.
The new fairy suddenly felt a little nauseous, and it wasn’t from the alcohol. Ecstatic, Ruby flew by her side and went to check up on her.
“There!” She cheered, “Now you can be happy, just like us! How do you feel?”
Unable to hold it any longer the former man vomited a rainbow colored concoction.
“Ew!” Indie cried in disgust.
Briefly able to regain her breath, the newborn pixie stated, “Jesus, even my puke is adorable!”
Seeing her situation, Cera conjured up a pint size box of Kleenex’s and offered one to her. Accepting her offer, she wiped her face off.
“So, what’s your name?” Ruby asked.
“It’s Mike,” the Pixie answered. “Why did you turn me into this? If I was gonna be a fairy, couldn’t I have at least remained a MAN!?”
Bewildered, the yellow haired Goldie wondered, “What’s a “man?”
The fairies’ naiveté over basic gender biology aggravated her tummy all over again, and like a waterfall she resumed throwing up.
“Yeah, now we have eight!” Ruby exclaimed. “Ruby, Sunny, Goldie, Emerald, Cera, Indie, Robutussin, and …Mike!”
Finished, the down on her luck fairy remarked, “I’m gonna need a drink…”
“Uh…” Ruby began, “Okay! We’ll talk to you later! Let’s go girls!”
The fairies flew off. However young Robutussin stayed behind.
Mike didn’t pay attention however. Her mind was focused entirely on the oversize bottle of whiskey.
As she struggled pulling off the cork Robutussin decided to lend a helping hand. With the power of teamwork they successfully opened it!
“Thanks!” Mike said as he stared at the giant pool of alcohol down below. With a rush of vertigo he fell inside.
He came up to the surface trying to regain his composure. He didn’t expect that Robutussin would dive in as well.
She ascended from the lake of whiskey and flipped her wet hair back. With a smile on her face, she gleefully cried, “Wow, that was fun!”
Seeing the violet haired girl with her hair wet and skin moist gave her feeling she never felt before. This girl was hot, and wondered if she felt something similar.
Breaking the ice, Mike began, “Why aren’t you back with your friends?”
She scoffed and replied, “Gah! All they do is tease me! I don’t wanna be pushed around!”
“I know that feeling,” Mike empathized. “People suck.”
Robutussin, a little woozy, began to spill her guts. “Especially Indie! God, what a little bitch! What I wouldn’t give to punch her in the face!”
“And why haven’t you?” she asked.
“Punching hurts my wrist…” she said, pointing to her dainty little arms.
Mike couldn’t help herself any longer. No longer holding back she said to her, “You’re hot.”
Blushing, the little Robutussin timidly replied, “You’re hot too.”
And with an embrace, they spent the evening together. What happened will be left to your imagination.
Midnight came and the other fairies were having their fun. Playing and being all fairy-ey. With a violet dot hovering in the sky, they stopped to greet their friend.
“Hi there Robutussin,” Ruby said. “Where’ve you been?”
And with a boisterous storm of emotion, Robutussin cried, “I was with my new friend! My REAL friend! Not like you!”
Shocked by her dear friend’s behavior Ruby asked, “What do you mean?”
With a chuckle and a tinge of anger, Robutussin continued, “All my life, I was always the bottom of the totem pole! But no more! I found someone who cares me for me!”
“Huh?”
“Yep! I’m leaving! Me and Mike are gonna go make a new life. Make plenty of fairy money! Buy a Fairy Mansion! I told him about my great idea! I call it the “Rune wide web!” Where you can get on a rune and communicate with other fairies from all over the world! He absolutely loves it!”
“Runes are for nerds,” Indie quipped.
“Shut up!” Robutussin screamed. “Anyway, now that I have her I don’t need you!” With a flick of her wrist a briefcase appeared, along with her Fedora hat and jacket. “So long suckers!”
And with that she left, leaving her friends in shock.
Six weeks later the unexpected occurred. From the corner of their little eyes the fairies saw a violet light. Could it be? It was! It was Robutussin! Quickly the fairies flew to reunite with their friend.
However, when they saw her face they knew all was not well. It seems poor Robutussin had been crying all the way back home.
“What happened?” Ruby asked, truly concerned for her new friend.
“She took it all!” She cried, “My idea! My Plan! He had it patented by the fairy court without me! And what’s worse, he left me for another pixie! So what if she’s Brazilian!”
The fairies stared at her in silence, broken by Goldie who uttered these words:
“Yay! Robutussin’s back!”
And they lived happily ever after…I think.
The end?
Living in the middle of a park of a major city, 7 magical fairies reside, living carefree, having suuuuper fun, and helping those who frowns need turned upside down!
…These are their stories.
SUPER HAPPY SPARKLE FAIRIES!
By AoifeM
Episode 2: Hipster Harold
It was another bright and sunny day… BORING! I was totally into bright and sunny days before it became popular!
And out in the middle of nowhere was another troubled soul. He could never find joy in his life because everyone began to love what he loved. How can one not share his love and passion with others? It totally didn’t make sense. In came:
THE SUPER HAPPY SPARKLE FAIRIES!
“This guy wants to be all alone,” Ruby, the leader said, “Maybe our friendship will help him atone!”
“Jesus,” The little purple fairy added, “do you seriously have to rhyme every time you open your mouth? I mean, ‘atone?’ What exactly is he doing wrong again?”
“Well, quite simply he’s being a jerk,” Ruby bluntly answered. “So shut your mouth and get to work!”
The violet fairy was shocked how absolutely evil Ruby response was.
The 7 fairies flew to the rescue, and caught the kid by surprise…!
“...”
...I said by surprise!
“Fairies are so five years ago. I’m not impressed.”
…Jackass.
“Hello my giant scarf wearing friend!” Ruby greeted. “You know that winter’s long been at an end?”
“And what are you guys?” Harold asked, although it seems he’d regret the answer.
We’re the SUPER HAPPY SPARKLE FAIRIES!”
“I’m Ruby!” the Red haired fairy began
“I’m Sunny!” said the Orange haired one.
“I’m Goldie!” the yellow haired girl followed
“I’m Emerald!” cried the green haired fairy.
“I’m Cera!” stated the blue haired women.
“I’m Indie!” the navy haired sprite claimed
“And I’m-“
“Hold on,” Harold chimed in, “I’m sure you they named you Violet or something as uncool as that.
The final fairy seemed upset at the man’s assumption. “It’s Robutussin, damn it! My parents were cold, cold people.”
He just looked at her and brushed her off, “Dimetapp would’ve been better.”
Frustrated, Robutussin yelled, “Don’t you dare compare me with my sister!”
Indie cynically added, “Dimetapp was always the cooler one.” Robutussin gave her an evil glare.
“We wanted to show you that being popular can be really fun!” Emerald explained.
“No thanks,” he immediately said. “This feels so much like a children’s cartoon rip off.”
Oh no, what to do? He didn’t want to be in on the fun. How are the SUPER HAPPY SPARKLE FAIRIES going to help him now?
…Ah screw it, just change him anyway!
And by using the powers of the rainbow the young hipster shrunk to miniscule size! As soon as the magic light went away another fairy stood in his place!
Looking at his brand new form he screamed at the top of his tiny little lungs!
“What’s wrong?” asked the rather clueless Goldie.
And with the deep breath he, or now she, replied, “I’m not different anymore!” She bawled uncontrollably. “I don’t wanna be like you!”
“Aw,” they all said simultaneously, accept young Robutussin, who replied.
“You sooo deserved it, loser.”
Hours passed and dark was near, and poor old Harry was still down. He was just like the others, and he valued his independence, even if the made him a douche.
Robutussin kept an eye on him, just as Ruby had instructed. Or threatened, it was hard to tell. She might secretly be a sadist, for all she knew.
Either way that’s what she did, ruining all her fun for the day. She kind of wished this pipsqueak would stop bawling.
Suddenly she heard a cry, “Hey,” she heard in between her sobs.
“What?” she barked back.
“What’s with you?” Harold said as she wiped her eyes. “You seem to be different than the other fairies.”
This conversation intrigued her interests. “What do you mean?” she wondered.
“I mean,” she continued, “most the fairies are happy and playful, but you seem to at least have some common sense with you. Why is that?”
Was that a compliment? She wondered to herself. I mean, yeah, I was always the smart one, at least compared to the others, who were carefree and a little naíve for that matter. Without her, what would they do?
“I suppose I’m just gifted that way,” Robutussin simply answered.
“How do you do it?” she asked. “How can you put up with them without strangling them?”
“Sex,” she answered straight up. Well that and she feared what may happen if she got on Ruby’s bad side.
“W-what?” Harold couldn’t believe what she heard.
Robutussin just giggled at the little fairy. “What else would you expect to get me by? Fairy hugs and kisses?”
“Holy crap!” she cried, still stunned but maybe she had a point. Behind the tough exterior hides the fact Harold never had sex in his life!
“Hey!”
...Sorry.
“Now it all makes sense,” Robutussin said. “You’re so moody because you’ve never had anyone to truly love. Thank God I never had that problem!”
Embarrassed by the narrator’s gaffe, Harold couldn’t help but wonder, “Is it true? Is love all I really need?”
Robutussin just shushed the young fairy and whispered in her ear, “Be happy you look so hot.” And quickly hot love did ensue.
The next day came as a surprise as Harold became more chipper and full of life.
“God, I never knew how wonderful the sun was!” she cried as she took a sniff from a beautiful flower. “Oh man, this smells wonderful! Can you hear the birds chirping? The feeling of a gentle breeze against your tiny wings? Oh, God, my wings! They’re so beautiful! And how they glitter! It’s like a beautiful sparkly wave of light. Oh life is so wonderful! You guys were so right! I see the error of my ways! For now on I wanna be with you guys, for-“
Too bad her words were cut too short as a black crow swooped down to gobble her up. The 7 fairies just stood there wide eyed and shocked.
And few seconds passed and Ruby finally spoke. “Wow, she was rather annoying,” she remarked.
The end!