A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
A New Style of Education
Character List
by Karen Page
Updated 13 September 2008
School Characters
Year One
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Others not yet revealed Year Three
Others not yet revealed
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A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 1
"Time's up," informed the exam invigilator, breaking through the silence of the exam room. "Please put down your pens and close your answer books."
A sigh rippled through the classroom, followed by the scraping of chairs as people sat back for the first time in two hours.
"What did you think of that test?" I asked Richard as we left the exam room.
"Very strange," he responded as we filed out.
"Fancy taking exams in the middle of June," I continued, "I thought we'd finished all the exams in May."
We were the second year to take the special paper. There were plenty of mutterings about what a waste that two hour exam was.
"I hear it is still at the experimental stage," I heard Helen mumble to her friend Cat. "I know last year that nobody was chosen from this school and only six people nationwide."
"What's the prize?" I asked Helen as I slowed down so she would catch up.
"Didn't you pay attention last week?" she rebuked. "It is a test to find people that would benefit from a new teaching method," she recited from last weeks briefing. "If they pass this test, they will take a longer test. If they still pass, they get sent to a very expensive private school where they use the new teaching methods."
"Who pays?" I said intrigued. I wish I'd paid more attention when this was all explained.
"The government," she responded. "Apparently they recognise that these students wouldn't excel in existing schools, so they are paying for a method that will."
* * *
Two weeks passed and nobody heard anything about the tests. After a few days they were old hat and after a week they had all but been forgotten about.
On the Monday exactly two weeks after the exam, I was handed a letter addressed to my parents.
"What's this?" I asked the teacher, as only Tina and I had been handed these letters.
"I'm not sure," the teacher replied. "The head just handed these to me at the end of lunch, telling me to hand them out just before you go home."
I was itching to know what was in the letter, but since it was addressed to my parents I just put it into my school bag. When I got home, I took the letter out of my bag and examined the envelope in more detail. Nothing gave away its contents. It was just a plain white envelope addressed to the parents/guardians of David Grant. There were no other marks on the envelope. Frustrated, I placed it on the kitchen table for my parents when they got in from work. I grabbed a glass of orange juice and went upstairs to play on the computer.
I was supposed to do my homework, but what was the point? If I did anything well, I was teased by my friends. If I didn't, I upset my parents. Since I was better at avoiding my parents, the choice was easy.
Twenty minutes later I heard a door bang signalling my brother was home. I sighed and tried to concentrate on the screen. My attempts were, as usual, futile, as he came barging into the room stinking of sweat from playing football in the open land between the school and home.
"Hi Eric," I said glancing up. "How was your day?"
"Great," he said. "I got chosen for next weeks grudge match against those pansies at Little Tempton."
"That's good," I said, trying to return to the computer. I hated the language that he used. Pansy was a word that people like my brother used to use to describe me. That was till two years ago, when I realised that mixing with the girls was not something that was good for my health.
My older brother towered above me and he ruffled my hair as he passed me. "Don't let Mum or Dad catch you playing without doing your homework," he said.
My brother might have enjoyed a good game, but he was also a diligent student. He didn't appear to get the same ribbing when he got an A for his exams. Only once did somebody try to make an issue out of it and the boy regretted his decision soon afterwards. Nobody could prove that it was my brother that had done it, but nobody wanted to chance being pulverised.
I turned off the game and pulled out my homework. When Eric came back from the shower, I was lying on my bed reading the latest book set for English Literature.
"What you reading?" Eric asked, as he pulled a tee shirt on over his thin lean muscular body.
"Cider with Rosie," I replied
"Is that a school copy you're using, or the one we inherited from Aunt Charlotte?"
"The inherited copy."
"Well, be careful. You know how valuable it is since Laurie Lee died."
"I know, but the modern editions aren't as readable as this old copy."
By quarter to six my Mum and Dad were home, and Mum started to make our meal. I wish Mum or Dad could cook properly, but neither of them had been taught. Therefore most of the meals were ready meals that they microwave. The best non-ready meal they could manage was sausages, chips and beans.
I wanted to take cooking at school so I would have a better understanding of food and maybe look after myself better. The food that they served was often not very healthy and was often too salty for my tastes. My parents discussed it and came to the conclusion that I ought to do woodwork instead. What an absolute waste of time.
At the shout of "Meal's ready," we all trooped down the stairs. Tonight was cauliflower cheese, which had some type of smell that didn't resemble either cheese or cauliflower. Beside the plate were two pieces of thickly butter bread. Oh joy.
I noticed that the letter addressed to my parents was still sitting unopened on the table. "I was given this letter today," I said handing it to my Mum. Dad was very good with his hands, but reading wasn't his strongest point.
"I'll read it later," she said, putting it on the side with the plastic microwave dishes. "Let me eat before it goes cold."
"Yes, Mum," I said, as I watched a blob of melted cheese drip from the container onto the envelope.
Eric, who was the only other one that noticed, patted my leg in sympathy and indicated I should eat up.
At nine I still hadn't heard about what was in the letter and went to investigate. The kitchen had been cleared of the waste, but the letter, with the blob of cheese, still sat unopened.
I took the letter and eventually found Mum sitting half asleep in the lounge. Dad was nowhere to be seen and I presumed he'd gone down the pub. "Mum, you've not opened the letter," I complained.
"I'm too tired to read it now. I'll deal with it tomorrow night."
"But Mum, the teacher said it was important that the permission slip inside has to be returned tomorrow."
"Okay," she said, reluctantly opening the letter. She found the reply slip and scrawled her signature on the dotted line and handed the whole package to me unread.
"Thanks," I said, not really surprised at her attitude. I went upstairs and read the letter. I'd passed the initial test and tomorrow at nine was invited to take a more detailed test.
Eric came into the room as I started crowing. "You alright?" he asked.
I handed him the letter, which he quickly read. "Well done, David," he said slapping me on the back. "You'd better get an early night as you want to be at your best. In fact, I'll come to bed now myself so I don't disturb you later."
"Thanks," I said. Living in a two bedroom house was sometimes cramped, but we survived. Mum and Dad weren't very well paid and it was the best they could afford.
The next day after registration I would have normally had geography. Today I slipped away and headed towards the school hall, where the exams were always held. I hadn't told anybody in the class about my reaching stage two, as I didn't want people to think I'd been clever. In fact, I'd deliberately tried to answer questions wrong, but some of them were about perception and there weren't right or wrong answers.
At nine, the five of us that were waiting outside trooped into the hall. There were five tables set out and we were told which table to sit at. When the three hour test started, I realised that each of the exam papers was marked with our names on them. At the end, we all staggered out while they prepared the hall for lunch.
While we were waiting for lunch, I chatted a bit with Helen, George, Frank and Tina. As we chatted about the questions, it transpired that all the papers were different and were tailored towards each person's interests.
During that afternoon I got a good amount of teasing about being selected to sit the second paper. On the way home, I was set upon by two boys in my class. They were upset that I'd got to sit the second paper and they'd not. Just as their fists started flying, they were yanked from me.
"If I ever catch either of you bullying David again, you won't live to regret it," he promised, shoving them into the wall of the house we were passing. "In fact, pass the word. If David even has a finger laid on him, I'll blame you two and you two will suffer the consequences."
The two boys ran off and I ambled home with Eric. Nothing was said between us. Nothing needed to be said. Yet again I'd shown to the world how weak and useless I was. I couldn't even walk home without my brother's protection. Why was I ever born?
That evening I tucked into burnt fish fingers. I'm sure that my taste buds had died years ago, suffering the torture of my Mum's cooking. Actually it could be worse; Dad could be cooking. Dad only knows how to cook one thing and that is beans on toast. The toast was normally burnt and the beans cooked till the tomato sauce congealed into a single sticky blob.
During the meal Eric suddenly piped up, "How did your special test go today?"
"What test?" queried Dad, looking at Mum, who just shrugged her shoulders.
"The one that the letter was about yesterday," I said. "The one that you wrote the permission slip for."
"So how was it?" asked Eric again.
"It was very long, but I think I did okay. It's difficult to tell as there didn't appear to be a right or wrong answer to many questions."
The rest of the meal was taken up by Mum wondering what was going to happen in tonight's soaps. So tonight would be a good night, like most weeknights, to avoid being near the television.
* * *
On Thursday just before going home, I was given another letter. Again it was in a plain white envelope addressed to the parents/guardians of David Grant. This time, I kept hold of it till after the meal.
"Er, Dad," I said, as I approached him as he finished washing the dishes.
"What is it?" he asked gruffly. I presume he was itching to go to the pub.
"I got a letter from school addressed to you and Mum," I explained.
"Well, give it to your Mum then," he retorted as he walked out the door.
So much for that idea. I walked into the lounge, just as the music started signalling the end of one of this evening's soap operas.
"Hi, Mum," I said, shuffling through the door. "I got another letter from school today."
"That's nice," she said, switching channels and not paying me any attention.
"It's the same type of letter as Monday," I tried to explain again.
"More bloody forms to fill in," she huffed. "Okay, pass it here."
I passed her the letter, which she opened. This time she scanned the letter and again scribbled her signature on the attached permission slip.
"Looks like you passed that test," she said. "You've got to see someone tomorrow to make sure you've not lied or somethin'."
"Thanks, Mum," I said, taking the letter from her and went back to my bedroom.
"So what was the letter about?" asked Eric, looking up from his history text book.
"Looks like I've passed the exams and I have an interview tomorrow."
"Well done," he said. "I think you might do well in a place where you're not going to be picked on."
That night I didn't sleep well. I was frightened about the interview the next day. After two hours of tests, it appeared, by the contents of the second test, that they knew me very well. After five hours of tests, I'm sure they knew my inside leg measurement. What was the interview about? What would happen if I passed? Would my parents let me go to this other school?
"Stop worrying and go to sleep," mumbled Eric. "You're keeping me awake."
"Sorry."
Under strict instructions, I gave up my thoughts and quickly fell asleep.
The next morning I combed my hair an extra time to make sure that it looked neat. I looked in the mirror and wondered how I could make the school uniform look better. After a few minutes of trying, I gave up. When Eric fitted in this size top, he was slightly broader, so all the school tops were loose, especially round the neck.
* * *
At just before eleven, I went to the school reception and handed in my permission slip.
"How many are being interviewed?" I asked Miss Hill, the school secretary.
"You're the third and final one," she said. "Frank was in at nine and Helen is in now."
"Did Frank pass the interview?"
"I don't know," she replied. "I'm not told anything about the tests or interviews. I'm just told to organise things by the head. I don't think he knows much either."
Just then Helen walked out of the interview and, before I could ask her anything about it, I was ushered in.
"Hi, I'm Rachel. Have a seat."
Rachel closed the door, sat down opposite me and pulled a thick file from her briefcase.
"David Oscar Grant. Parents are Brian Oscar Grant and Angela Natasha Grant, nee Green and sometimes known as Angel. You have a brother Mathew Eric Grant, mostly known as Eric."
She then continued to rattle off facts about me and my family that took me by surprise. She, or somebody, had been doing a lot of digging. Some of the facts I wasn't even aware of. I didn't know that my Mum had once had a brother and that he'd killed himself.
"Why all the research?" I asked.
"We like to know about the person to make sure of our facts and to make sure that you are indeed what the tests say you are. No matter how good the research, there is little we can find out about your day-to-day life. So, please tell me about a typical school day and what your weekends are like."
As I talked about my life, Rachel just leaned back in her chair and listened. There was no note taking and no interruptions. She just let me talk till I was done. What I hadn't realised before was how isolated I was in my life. I just accepted my situation and lived as best as I could without being beaten up on every street corner. As I reflected on what I'd said, I saw that I wasn't living my life; I just existed.
Once Rachel saw I was finished reflecting on what I'd said, she then asked another strange question. "I'd like you to describe for five minutes each your perceptions of Frank and Helen."
I thought about querying this, but I bit my tongue and thought about what I was going to say. I knew little about Frank, as he mixed with a small group of people I hardly knew. They kept themselves to themselves. Helen, on the other hand, I knew well. In fact, I used to be good friends with her before I found mixing with girls was leading to me failing to fit in. Once I'd stopped mixing with the girls, the taunts of pansy stopped, but I never replaced that friendship.
Once I'd gathered my thoughts, I managed to talk about Frank for barely two minutes before I switched to Helen. I talked about her for just over ten minutes. Again, Rachel didn't stop me when the time was up. She just sat back and listened.
"A few questions which I have that you didn't answer. You used to have lunch with Helen till about two years ago. Why did you stop?"
"It wasn't good for my health," I replied. "At first, it wasn't too bad. I was called things like pansy as I often sat with girls. Things, however, started to get worse. The teasing got worse and some people started to beat me up. The teachers didn't care, and my parents just said it was part of growing up. When I stopped sitting with the girls, things got slightly better, but I still got attacked if I was seen with them on the weekend. Now I just keep to myself."
Once I'd finished, she asked, "Before you go, do you have any questions for me?"
I did, but I was worried that she would think I was rude, so I just replied, "No, miss."
"It's Rachel to you. I don't stand on formality, but if you insist on being formal I actually have the title Dr Ruiz."
"Are you a shrink?" I blurted out.
"I prefer psychiatrist," she replied, "but yes, I'm a shrink. That's very perceptive of you. What made you think I was a shrink?"
"It is just that you had the ability to make me relaxed in this stressful situation, and in thinking back you had me talk for nearly all this time. I've told you a lot about myself that I've never told anybody else, and that includes me! I thought educational people were a lot older, so how come you're involved?"
Dr Ruiz thought for a moment and then replied, "Do you remember, a little back, a plane crashing into the terminal building at Gatwick?"
I just nodded, as I thought back to that time.
"Well, there was one boy who lost both of his parents. His physical injuries were so bad it changed his whole life. I was the main psychiatrist involved in the case. When the government set up this scheme, I was asked to join as that case had given me special insight into issues that stop certain people getting the full benefit from the education offered in main-stream schools."
I thought about her answer and smiled, "You're good," I said. "You managed to answer my question without actually telling me anything."
"There is that perception again. However, this wasn't the question you were going to ask, was it?"
"No," I replied. "What I wanted to know was if any of us had passed?"
"It isn't a matter of passing or failing; it is making sure that the people would fit in with the things we offer. But to answer your question, you will each be told on Monday if we can offer you a place. I can tell you, however, that one person will be offered a place, one will be refused, and we are undecided about the last person."
"Which am I?"
"You will find out on Monday," she replied, sticking to her guns. "Anything else?"
"Yes, just one question. Why? Why is this being done? I'm sure you will manage to help a small number of people a year. However, the money being spent on just research appears to be huge and something the government wouldn't normally spend. Why is it doing it?"
"You're right, there is more to this than just education. Part of it is also looking after people's health. We offer a learning facility that not just covers standard education, but is also a place where they can learn more about themselves. Due to the same reasons that they are failing in education, we find the same people are at risk from others trying to harm them, or sometimes the same people try to hurt themselves or even kill themselves. That is another reason I was employed; to help people see through issues without killing themselves."
"Sorry, but there is more to it than that."
Rachel paused for a moment, "Yes, for some people, there is more to it. For some people, the government does have an ulterior motive which I can't talk about. However, that is only for a small percentage of the people we help."
"I'm told that it is like a boarding school. The people that are accepted wouldn't live at home? Is that just during the week? Would we go home at the weekend or holidays?"
"People who get accepted normally live on campus all year, including Christmas and the summer holidays."
"You make it sound like a prison."
"Not at all, but it is for the safety not just of the person going home, but the safety of all the people in the programme."
I looked at my watch and saw it was one. I'd missed lunch, and I'd taken up an excess of Rachel's time. "I'm sorry I talked and asked so much," I apologised. "I appear to have gone way over the hour."
Rachel just handed over a piece of paper with the schedule. I'd been scheduled for two hours, where the other two had only an hour. "We knew we had more to discuss with you," Rachel said, answering my question before I asked. "A lunch should be waiting for you at reception."
That night during the meal, I decided to ask Mum about the uncle I had never heard of. "Mum, why didn't you tell me about Uncle James?"
Mum dropped her fork onto her plate, and a half chewed piece of overcooked pasta fell from her open mouth.
"Don't talk silly," scolded Dad. "You only have one uncle and that's Uncle Wayne, my brother. Your Mum doesn't have any brothers or sisters."
Eric, who had been slowly ploughing through an extra helping of chips, looked up at me.
I ignored Dad's comments and tried a different tack, "How similar am I to how he was at my age?"
"Very," replied a tiny shaky voice. "Apart from you having a computer, you could have been twins."
"Why did he kill himself?" I asked.
Eric just gasped and Dad sat there looking stunned.
"He said he couldn't live a lie any longer and killing himself would save us all a lot of pain. He died on his sixteenth birthday."
Mum just broke down into floods of tears and ran from the room. Dad didn't look at all pleased with me and said, "David, go to your room, and I don't want to see you till breakfast, when you can apologise to your mother."
Thinking about the information I'd gathered, I decided to go to bed. I could then think in peace for longer. I didn't get much thinking time as exhaustion overtook me and I fell asleep.
The next day I apologised to Mum for upsetting her. She just nodded and said, "Please don't take your own life like James did. I hadn't thought about how alike you were till you mentioned it. James killing himself destroyed my parents."
"But why did he want to kill himself. What lie did he live?"
"I don't know," she replied. "I wish I did. How did you find out about James?"
"His name was brought up in the interview. One of the reasons some kids struggle with education is they have trouble fitting in, which might lead to suicide. Apart from the new education method, they have psychiatrists on the team to help the students so they don't kill themselves."
"Is it a boarding school?" she asked.
"Yes. I'd live there all year round. I'd not even be able to come home for holidays."
"So when would we see you?" she asked.
"You wouldn't till I'd finished," I replied sadly. "I think if I get a place then I won't take it because of that."
Mum thought for a moment. I'd never seen Mum think about things before. "No," she said firmly. "If you get offered a place, you must take it. I'll make sure that Dad doesn't stop it happening. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you killed yourself, and you're enough like James for that to happen."
The weekend dragged slowly by, and I was apprehensive about Monday. At registration I was handed a note. I was to go to reception after registration. At reception sat Frank. Helen arrived a few minutes later. We just sat there, silently, awaiting knowledge of our fates.
Rachel came out of the headmaster's office and approached us. "Let's take it like Friday," she said. "Frank first, then Helen, and lastly David."
Frank got up and followed Rachel. Ten minutes later he walked out alone. "Your turn Helen," he said.
As Helen disappeared, I asked, "You get a place?"
"No," he replied, sounding slightly disappointed. "She talked a bit about things, but she said that I would learn more here."
Frank wandered off to class, and Helen soon appeared. "I've been offered a place," she said. "Rachel said I was to wait here till she's finished with you."
"Well done," I said, and wandered into the office where my educational fate awaited me.
"Hello again," she said pleasantly, "Close the door and take a seat"
When I was seated and comfortable, she said, "To cut to the chase, you have a place, if you want it and your parents agree to it."
I sat there stunned and eventually responded, "Thank you. Was I the undecided one?"
"No," she replied. "The interview just confirmed what the tests said. We were unsure about Helen till we interviewed you. She will gain slightly in the education, but you two together show an extra talent that people will help guide you."
"Is this the thing you wouldn't discuss on Friday?" I asked
"Yes, and I still can't discuss it."
"Okay, but are you also saying that if I don't go then Helen also doesn't?"
"No, we have offered her a place. However, she will get a lot more out of it if you're there, and you will get more out of it if she's there. Now let me bring Helen back in, and I can explain to both of you how we move forward."
Rachel brought back a smiling Helen. "You got offered a place too?" she squealed excitedly.
"Yes," I said. "I want to go, but I'm not sure if my parents will let me."
"I want to go too, but I hadn't thought about my parents. They'll miss me since it is a boarding school, but at least I'd see them at the holidays."
"Er, Helen," interrupted Rachel. "The school is a 365 day a year school. Due to the things the school offers, it can't be any other way."
Helen sat there stunned, "Don't I get to see them ever?" she asked.
"Once you finish school at eighteen, it is up to you."
"You knew this already?" Helen asked me.
"It was something I asked on Friday," I replied.
"If David goes, then so will I," she suddenly blurted out. "But if his parents refuse, then I won't go."
Rachel just smiled one of her little smiles. I think this is something she expected Helen to say, so I just kept quiet.
"I have arranged to see David's parents at half-twelve and then Helen's parents at two," she said. "So, at the end of school don't go home, but come to reception."
We were then dismissed, and we made our way to our lessons. One thing I must say about this selection process, it was long winded. So much waiting when you just want an answer.
At half-three the school bell rang signalling the end of the school day. I walked to reception and saw Helen waiting. "You sure about this?" I asked her.
"How can I be?" she replied. "I've no idea what is different about the school, and I can't see my family."
I just nodded my agreement, and we waited. Rachel came out of the staff toilets and said, "Sorry to keep you waiting. Let's discuss things."
We walked again into the headmaster's office. When we were seated, Helen asked, "Did they agree?"
"Yes," she said. "Both sets of parents have agreed. Tomorrow I will collect you from your houses. I'll collect you, David, at half-seven and then we will get Helen. You won't need to pack any clothes or personal belongings, as the school will provide everything you need. When I pick you up, you should have no bags at all and have empty pockets."
We were then dismissed, and we made our way home to spend the last few hours with our families.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
At half seven the doorbell rang. I looked nervously up at Eric. I wish my parents had been able to stay to say goodbye, but they both had to go to work.
"I'll answer the door," he said, getting up.
When he returned, he came in with Dr Rachel Ruiz who asked, "You ready to go?"
"Yes. Are you sure I don't need anything?"
"Just yourself, now say goodbye to your parents and Eric, then we must get going."
"Good luck," Eric said, ruffling my hair. Then, turning to Rachel, he asked, "Do you have an address that I can contact David at?"
"I'm glad you asked," she said, handing him a card. "This is special PO Box number; we don't allow visitors so we don't give out the address of the school. As you can see, there is an emergency non-geographic phone number. That is constantly manned, but must only be used in conditions such as death of a family member."
"Aren't you going to say goodbye to you parents?" she asked, as I walked towards to front door.
"They had to go to work," I replied wearily.
"Oh," was her only reply, as we walked to her car. "Why don't you sit in the back, so you can be company to Helen?
"Okay," I said, sliding into the back and buckling up my seat belt.
Five minutes later, we drew up outside Helen's house and Rachel left me to collect her.
I watched as I saw the whole family at the door, and Rachel handed over the emergency contact details. They were all hugging Helen goodbye and reluctantly Helen joined me in the back of the car. As Rachel drove off, I watched, as her parents and brother waved to her till the car rounded the corner out of sight.
Helen sat there stony faced, looking expressionlessly out of the window. I could see she was trying to keep her emotions in check. I learnt the hard way that trying to keep in your emotions just leads to issues later, so I unbuckled my belt, moved into the centre seat and gently held her. Soon, I felt her body relax and quiver slightly. I just held on and gently stroked the side of her arm.
Rachel shifted her driving position, so she could glimpse what was happening in the back. I saw her face in the rear view mirror give a slight smile of approval, and then she shifted back into her original driving position.
After twenty minutes driving, we were on the motorway heading south. The smooth driving and constant hum of the tyres against the road surface lulled both Helen and I to sleep.
My eyes fluttered open and I slowly sat up. I'd slept with my head against Helen's shoulder. I glanced through bleary eyes at the clock on the dashboard and saw I'd been asleep for nearly two hours. I looked out of the window and saw why I'd woken up. We'd just come off the motorway and had stopped at a junction.
"Are we nearly there?" I asked quietly, trying my best not to wake Helen.
"No, we've got to pick up another student. We should be there in about half an hour," Rachel replied in a whisper.
The constant slowing down for junctions soon awoke Helen from her slumber. She yawned and gave a small stretch, which I thought was a bit cute.
When a few minutes had passed, Rachel pulled into a supermarket car park and parked in a relatively deserted area. When the engine was stopped, she turned round and spoke with us both, "The student we're going to pick up was originally scheduled to be picked up by someone else. However, due to the person picking them up being ill we must do it."
"So what's the problem?" I asked.
"Have any of you ever heard of the term transsexual?"
"No," I replied, wondering where this conversation was going. I began to understand that the recruitment had been meticulously planned, and Rachel had a good understanding of how we would react before we did.
"Yes," said Helen a bit reluctantly.
"When did you learn about the term? And if it involves another person then please don't mention their name," Rachel asked Helen.
"About two years ago. I was worried about a friend and did a bit of research," Helen answered.
"And did you think the term fitted that person?" Rachel asked.
"I think so, but it is difficult to tell."
"Do you think the term also fits you?"
"NO!" exclaimed a shocked Helen.
"Sorry, but will somebody please explain?" I asked, confused. "What does transsexual mean?"
Rachel looked pointedly at Helen, who eventually got the clue, "It is where somebody has the mind of the opposite sex of the body."
"Oh," I replied. "Are you saying that the student we're picking up is a transsexual?"
"Yes," Rachel replied. "Sam is a transsexual. One thing that you will learn about Hayfield Hall is that you can be anything you want. In life, people are straight jacketed into acting as society expects. However, that doesn't suit some people, and they have a conflict with what they are comfortable with, and what people expect. That conflict leads to issues with education and other potential issues, such as self harm or even suicide."
"Are you saying I'm transsexual?" I asked.
"Are you?" she asked. "Only you can decide what you want to be, or how you want to act. Were you happy how you were expected to act at school?"
"No," I replied. "But that doesn't mean I want to be a girl."
"No," Rachel replied, "It just means you need to be in an environment where you can be who you want to be, without somebody calling you a pansy or beating you up."
"Was I the one you did the research about?" I asked Helen.
"Yes," she said, bowing her head, worrying what I was going to say. "Sorry."
"Is Sam a boy or a girl?" I asked.
Rachel just smiled and said, "That's up to Sam to decide. Now, the single most important rule at Hayfield Hall is that nobody makes fun of anybody else. Tolerance is of the utmost importance. Do you both feel you can be tolerant of Sam and the others?"
"Yes," we both replied in unison.
As we drove on, I didn't notice the beautiful scenery. My mind was full of thoughts. Was I a transsexual? Would I be better off as a girl? What was Rachel implying when she asked Helen if she was a transsexual? Oh, this is so confusing. Helen just held my hand and occasionally murmured something comforting to me. I wasn't upset or anything, I was just confused. Why didn't the thought of somebody questioning my gender upset me?
My thoughts were interrupted as we pulled outside of a rundown block of council flats. The walls were daubed with graffiti and the ground covered with broken glass. There was nobody in sight, but it felt like a thousand eyes were watching our every move.
"I'll go and get Sam," said Rachel. "I might be ten minutes, depending on certain things. Now I'm going to lock you in, so don't panic. If you need to open one of the doors, just pull the leaver and that door should unlock."
With that said, she disappeared into the concrete jungle, leaving us alone. We silently sat there for a few minutes, watching cars drive slowly past. We noticed a boy on his bicycle riding slowly past the cars trying to see if they were locked. I shivered slightly with fear, as he peered in, and Helen held me to overcome my anxiety. She made me feel so safe, held in her strong arms. It was as if two years hadn't passed. She was again looking after me, just as she'd always done.
"All okay?" asked Rachel cheerfully, when she returned. I gently wriggled out of Helen's comforting arms.
"No problems," I said, as Sam got into the front passenger seat.
"Hi Sam, I'm Helen," introduced Helen.
"And I'm David," I said, finally free of Helen's arms. I peered slightly at Sam and wondered whether Sam was a girl or a boy. After a few moments of study, I decided I couldn't tell. Sam sure must have got a lot of stick in an area like this.
As we departed we passed a huge building sign posted GCHQ. Hang on; wasn't this place supposed to be top secret? Yet there were big signs identifying it. Soon after passing GCHQ, I noticed a hotel to the right and it rather looked like something from a soap opera that Mum used to watch reruns of. "Sorry Sam, but that hotel we just passed looked rather like something from an old soap."
Sam looked embarrassed at understanding what I was talking about, "Yes, that was used for outside shots of Crossroads in the early 1980's."
Not bad for two children who weren't even born when it was shown.
We passed the motorway junction without getting on to it. "Are we nearly there?" I asked.
"No," Rachel replied. "Since we're in the area, we will call in on an old friend's house for a spot of lunch."
I saw Sam start to shake slightly and Rachel said, "Sam, Kelly Baxter has operated as an adviser to companies on transsexuals for years. Last year she took in somebody who was forced, by a horrible accident, to assume the identity of a girl. I was involved earlier on in the case. If Kelly is not helping somebody, she sometimes helps out at the school. Sometimes, she even accompanies us as an added aide when we go abroad."
We went around the outskirts of Gloucester and started heading up a steep hill. All around was open countryside with views back towards, what I presume, was Gloucester. We went over the top of the hill and I saw another valley stretched out in front of us. Just as we started to head downhill, we turned right towards somewhere signed Holcombe.
"I hate driving down here in the winter," said Rachel. "It's always full of ice."
The road now was very narrow and I don't know what we would have done if we'd seen another car coming towards us. Eventually we turned right into a driveway. There ahead was an impressive looking building, which Rachel stopped in front of.
A woman, in what looked like her mid forties, came bustling out and gave a loud squeal when she saw Rachel. They were soon embracing each other as if they'd not seen each other in years.
We all got out of the car and followed Rachel into the house. Lunch was delicious. It was only a simple quiche but the taste was exquisite. My taste buds lit up for the first time in years.
"Better than what your parents cooked at home?" asked Kelly as my face lit up.
"Much," I said, as I savoured the feast in front of me.
"This is nothing," she said, smiling a smile rather like Rachel's. "One of the things Hayfield Hall strives to do is make students comfortable in any country in the world. The school cooks often create many delights from around the world."
I'd been watching Sam, who had been very tense at the beginning. As the meal had progressed, Sam had relaxed and looked to be enjoying being accepted. Nobody had mentioned Sam's gender, and after being in Sam's company for a few hours I was still no closer to being sure what gender Sam was.
After we'd helped wash up, we all got back into the car for the remainder of the journey. We journeyed for another two hours and eventually we drove through a village called Heath and Reach. What a strange name for a village. Once we'd passed the village centre, we turned onto a small track about half a mile down the track was a pair of iron gates standing about twelve feet tall. As Rachel pressed a button, the gates slowly and majestically swung open.
The wheels of the car crunched against the gravel track. In the distance, I saw the main building, which looked about two hundred years old. There were two wings on either side that looked like they'd been recently added.
Rachel parked her car in a small car park to the right of the main entrance. When the engine stopped Rachel announced, "Welcome to Hayfield Hall. Never to be mistaken with Hayfield Manor; that's a hotel in Ireland."
We followed Rachel through the main entrance into the hall. The building looked like it used to be a small stately home. The oak panelled walls gleamed from the bright glistering chandeliers. The thick plush carpets made me want to take off my shoes and walk bare footed. I expected a butler to appear to take our names.
"As you can see," said Rachel, suddenly transforming into an impromptu tour guide, "the main building is kept in its original splendour. This is for several reasons, the primary one being the agreement with the owners. Other reasons will become apparent as time goes on. The main house is where you will eat and relax. Any activities, such as orchestral recitals, will occur here. The new building on the left is the living quarters, which we will visit next. The new building on the right is the classrooms where any learning activities occur. These learning activities might not just be school work."
"First, let me show you where your years lounge is. After that, I will show you to your bedrooms. There you can shower and change into some clean clothes. When you're ready, we will all meet in the lounge no later than six."
We were first shown into the lounge. Each year had its own lounge and there was a big room for occasions where the whole school could be present. There were mostly settees that sat two people, but there were also some which sat three and some singles. On the wall above the fireplace, was a huge sixty-inch plasma television.
"There is full terrestrial and satellite television here and in your rooms. Satellite television is not just the standard Sky system, but we have feeds from television all over the word. This is very important when you do languages studies. The only channels you won't be able to receive are the pornographic ones."
"Is this funding due to-", I started to ask, thinking of the vast cost a system like this must cost.
"Yes," interrupted Rachel, firmly signalling this wasn't something to be discussed.
"What about radio?" I asked.
"Same as television," she replied. "Accessible from here, or your room, is an extensive range of channels. A complete list of stations, there country of origin and language is listed on the halls computer system."
We walked towards the sleeping wing. "Each person has their own room with private bathroom. Each bedroom has a single interconnecting door to link with their study partner's room. Sam, your study partner will be here in the next nineteen minutes. David and Helen, you are study partners."
"Nineteen minutes is a bit precise;" Helen queried, and then laughing slightly asked, "Have all the cars got tracking devices in them?"
"Yes," replied a serious Rachel, as she walked towards what looked to be a state of the art computer system. The system appeared to already be booted and she placed her eye to what looked like a microscopes eyepiece. Dr Rachel Ruiz flashed on the screen and then was replaced with a menu. A few clicks later, a map showing the current location of the car was showing.
Sam and Helen just stood there mesmerised, as the red dot moved up the trunk road about seven miles away. I just smiled. Yes, this certainly looked like it was going to be an interesting school.
"The computer systems are interconnected across the site with a high speed internet connection. There are a few restrictions for the first few weeks but most of these are rescinded once you have settled in."
"How fast?" I asked, getting excited.
"I'm not a geekette," she responded humorously. "You can ask this question in your computer studies lesson on Thursday. Oh yes, there is a special computer network for extreme computing such as hacking etc. You got into enough trouble last year, hacking into the school computer system, without repeating that here."
"Yes Rachel," I said humbly. Damn, they did do there homework.
"Now, before we leave Sam, there is something that needs to be covered. I have to register you onto the computer network," she tapped a few buttons. "Okay Sam, you go first. Put your right eye to the iris reader."
Sam did as asked and the computer responded verbally. "Iris scan complete."
The procedure was repeated for both Helen and me. "Now Sam, can you sign in. All you have to do is place your right eye to the scanner."
Sam did as asked and was soon seeing a student screen. On the top left there was an icon called "To do" which was flashing.
Sam pressed the icon and it brought up another screen with just one option, "Menu Selection".
Shown was a large selection of dishes. I couldn't believe how many items were shown. "The menu choices are specific to each person. There are a many overlaps but each person has their own diet. If you choose a high protein lunch, the choices for the evening will reflect what is needed to give a balanced diet. If the person is a vegetarian, then only vegetarian dishes are displayed."
We left Sam and walked down the corridor to our rooms. "This is your room David," she said opening a door. It was the same plush room as Sam's was. A large king sized bed in the middle of the room, with very neutral sheets. Against the wall was a two-seat settee and next to it was a round table with two chairs. Rachel opened a door on the right hand side of the room exposing, what I presume, was Helen's room. It was identical.
"Clothing was covered with Sam last week," she said, "so I saved this for now. If you open your wardrobe doors and step in, you will see a wide variety of clothing. On the left is typical male clothing, on the right female, and at the far end androgynous clothing. What you wear is up to you. All clothing should be your size."
Helen suddenly dashed into her room and I heard her open her walk-in wardrobe. "I've got the same," she exclaimed, walking into the room. "Aren't there any differences?"
Rachel paused for a second and thought. "Yes. In the top right draw next to the bed, you will find a special top to compress your breasts. David has a gaff, which is used to hide his penis and a pair of false breasts, without the adhesive. If you ever want to try them that is up to you, but the adhesive is only provided when you've been shown how to attach them properly by the school nurse."
Helen and I blushed at the mention of our bodily parts.
"One other difference is the toothbrushes. David has always used a manual toothbrush, where Helen has an electric one, as she has done for the last two years. What you wear is up to you and how you act is also up to you. If you want to try living in an opposite role then there are classes we can arrange to help you. For instance, if David decided to have a go at living as a girl, there are lessons in makeup, hair and deportment."
Helen and I looked around in amazement. I'd gone from a small bedroom which I shared with my brother, to a huge bedroom with all the clothes that I could ever need.
I was brought back to my senses by Rachel saying, as she departed, "Don't forget to be in your years lounge by six. In your bathroom, you should find a black bag. Please place all your current clothes, including underwear and shoes, into the bag and post it down the laundry chute. While you're at the school you should only wear what is provided. Oh yes, don't forget to do your meal choices."
When Rachel was gone, I just sat on the edge of the bed and wondered what all this was about. It has been implied that the tests showed I was a girl at heart, but was I? I'd never thought of it before. I looked up to ask Helen a question but she'd disappeared into her room. As I got up, I heard what I though was a sob. Since the door was still open, I looked through and saw Helen on her bed holding on to a pillow, looking very distressed.
I wandered in and walked up to her. "What wrong Helen?" I asked, gently putting my hand onto hers.
"Nothing," she said, furiously wiping her eyes. "I'm fine."
"Helen," I said, lying next to her on her massive bed. "You can tell me. We're both going through major upheaval. I think they buddy people together to overcome these issues. Please tell me what's wrong."
"I've never been away from home before without my parents," she said, as she started to cry again. I wrapped my arm around her and snuggled close. "I'm not going to see my parents again till I leave school and I'm scared. The only person I know is you and there are many things I don't understand. It's like we're prisoners here and nothing makes much sense. There is a lot of talk about gender issues but I'm not like that. I'm happy being a girl."
I held Helen till she calmed down. "I think there is a lot more to this place than were being told," I said. "I think a lot of the security is for our safety. I'm sure things like this will come up in the meeting. If they don't, then why don't you ask?"
"Okay," said Helen sitting up. I rubbed my arm, which she'd been leaning on, attempting to restart its circulation
"If were quick at getting ready then we might get a chance to explore a bit," I said sitting up myself.
"That sounds good," she said. "Now scram, while I take a shower."
I laughed and headed back to my room, shutting the interconnecting door as I passed through.
When I came out of the shower, I donned the fluffy white robe. It reminded me of the films where people in posh hotels are always given robes like these and invariably tried to steal them.
After a few minutes of looking, I found the draws containing underwear. There was a wide selection ranging from ultra feminine to very masculine. Whatever next? I picked out a pair of my usual male briefs and pulled them on. I refastened my robe and went to look what was in the wardrobe.
I glanced at the male selection and there was everything from formal attire to casual. There was even a dinner jacket with a fancy shirt. What sort of things does the school get involved with? The female side had a similar range including cocktail dresses. This must have cost a bomb. As I glanced across at the clothes, I noticed that even the casual clothes were smarter than what I normally wore. There didn't appear to be a pair of faded jeans or outrageous shirt in sight.
I chose a light pair of fawn trousers and a dark blue short-sleeved pure cotton polo shirt. For the first time in many years, I wore new clothes and since they were not hand-me-downs, they fitted me perfectly. I wondered about footwear and at the end of the closet, I found it. I found a comfortable pair of cushioned shoes that looked like they would match the outfit. I glanced to the feminine side and there was a large selection of shoes ranging from flats to bright red high heels. How could girls wear such contraptions?
As I was dressed, I walked to the connecting door and knocked. Instantly the door swung open and there was Helen. She giggled, "I was just about to knock."
"Did you see all the clothes?" she asked coming into my room. "Those cocktail dresses must have cost a fortune."
It had taken longer to get ready than I'd hopped and we wouldn't have time to explore. I hope that later we'd have chance.
When we entered the lounge, there were a few people there already. Sam, seated on one of the settees, was chatting away with one of the other new students.
"Let's say hi," suggested Helen.
"That sounds friendly," I said, beginning to revert to the uninhibited time before the last two years of hell.
"Hi Sam," we said in unison.
I asked, "Is this your partner?"
They both nearly chocked on their drinks that they were sipping.
"Sorry, is this your study partner?"
"Yes, this is Richard," said Sam. "Richard, meet Helen and David."
"Hi Richard," Helen and I again said together. I'm going to have to stop doing that.
"Have you come far?" asked Helen.
"Carlisle," he replied. "It was quite a journey."
We didn't have time to chat more as the room went quite when Rachel and five other people appeared.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
"Hello everyone," stated a middle-aged looking man. "Welcome to Hayfield Hall. My name is Mr Hobson and I'm the headmaster at this school. Since we recognise that it's very emotional leaving your families at such an early age, we have a support team in place. They are here to look after you. They can override everything and everyone at the school, including me. So it's a good idea to stay in their good books."
That caused a nervous ripple of laughter from the children.
"I'll introduce the support team. As I mention their names, they will step forward so you will know who they are. First off, we have Rachel Ruiz."
Rachel stepped forward.
"Then next we have Daniel Mathews."
Daniel Mathews stepped forward. "Dan, please," he said indignantly, the effect being spoilt by his big friendly grin.
"Sorry Dan," grinned back Mr Hobson. "Carrying on, we have Tracy Dine."
Tracy stepped forward and gave a little wave. She was a petite blond who looked like she was in her mid forties.
"Next," continued the headmaster, "is Rebecca Thompson, or as she prefers Becky."
Becky stepped forward and with a grin said, "And lastly we have Keith Thompson. The reason we share the same last name is that we're married."
Keith stepped forward with a big grin on his face, as Mr Hobson spluttered for a moment and said with a shrug of his shoulders, "They've done it again. Each introduction they do something to throw me off track. You've all been assigned a support person. They're always available. If for some reason they aren't available, such as them being ill, or with another student, possibly from one of the other years, please feel free to approach any of the others."
Mr Hobson took a big gulp of orange juice as the five members of the support team sat down. "Okay," he continued. "One thing that all the test results show is that you are all extremely intelligent, but had issues that stopped you excelling. At Hayfield Hall, we hope you will be able to excel. You will probably take your GCSE exams earlier than you would have done in your old schools. In fact, you will probably take some exams in under six months. That will be two and half years earlier than normal. All pupils will study all lessons. Each person will study one subject in more depth, to make them an expert in that field. I am going to call peoples names. I'm not going to ask you to speak but please just stand so the other pupils can see who you are. Then your support person will say what your study major is. Let's start with Richard Barnes."
Richard stood up to allow everyone to get a good look at him. Tracy Dine stood up and said, "Richard specialisation is learning how communication systems work."
"Communication systems?" queried Richard, as he and Tracy sat down.
"Yes," replied Mr Hobson. "Communications systems are used everywhere these days. How do satellites work for television signals? What about mobile phones? All these are important in today's society. Just think of the range of jobs that require that knowledge."
"Sorry, I didn't think," said Richard bowing his head.
"Now don't you do that," said Mr Hobson sternly. "Lift up your head. We are a team. I expect you to behave and do as you're told, but if you have a question then ask. Never be ashamed of using your brain. You will have to learn your skills well as there will be projects that use your skills, and then we will be reliant on you."
"Yes sir. Does that include LAN communications?" asked Richard in response.
"Good question," said Mr Hobson grinning. "Now that is the correct attitude. You will need to know the basics of LAN communications, as there is overlap. However, we have a LAN communications expert in the year above you, who you will often work with."
"Next we have Richard's study partner, Sam Hood."
Sam shyly stood up, trying and failing to remain invisible. Dan Mathews stood up, "Sorry I wasn't able to collect you earlier," he said. Sam gave a little shrug. "Okay," continued Dan, "your specialisation is electronics."
Sam sat down smiling. When not avoiding people, Sam loved to build electronic devices.
"No questions?" Mr Hobson asked Sam. When Sam replied "No", Mr Hobson continued, "Next up is Brian Young."
Brian stood up. Becky Thompson rose and announced, "Foreign Languages. You all have to learn the languages, but Brian seems to have a knack. Therefore, Brian will learn them in more depth."
"Merci," replied Brian, as he sat down.
"Next is Brian's study partner, Lewis Johnson."
Lewis stood up, as did Keith Thompson who said, "Lewis is the only person who has never played a musical instrument. Therefore, he is going to learn how to be a conductor. Since he has a lot to learn, this is going to be his speciality."
Keith sat down, but Lewis didn't. Lewis said, "I've an announcement regarding myself. I was born female but last year decided to live as a boy. Apart from school, I have lived as a boy since then. Eventually it would become known, so I'm mentioning it to you all now. I have been told that this school is tolerant, so please treat me as a male."
"Okay, let us have a break introducing everyone," said Mr Hobson formally. "Lewis is very brave in revealing what he just has. Not everyone in this school is living as their birth sex. Some have tried it and reverted back. Others have never tried it. Not everyone at this school is a transsexual. This school does not discriminate, positively or negatively, against gender or sexuality. You are what you are. All that is important to us is that you be happy with yourselves, treat each other with respect and work hard in your education."
"Some people decide to live fully as the opposite sex and go on to have surgery to complete their transition. Others just decide to live as the opposite sex but never have surgery. Some might decide to attend school as one sex, but relax in the evening as the opposite sex. We've even had some that alternate genders each day. Gender is irrelevant to some and they attempt to live without gender. Sam is such a case."
"That is gender. Now, sexuality is also something not to discriminate against. If people are gay, lesbian or bisexual isn't important. Remember, gender and sexuality are separate. Just because you might decide to live as a different gender, it doesn't mean that you have to change your sexual preference. We have birth males living as females that prefer females, others that prefer males. We even have transsexuals that prefer other transsexuals. It is irrelevant to your education."
"Every so often, we go on field trips abroad. When we're due to go abroad, we ask that you stick to the gender you are living as for up to three weeks prior to going. That way we can make sure that you are passable and don't draw undesired attention. In addition, it is a major pain to change your passport in less than three weeks. Can you all adhere to that?"
I looked around and saw we were all nodding our heads.
"Good. Now let's finish of the introductions before I get carried away into another lecture. David Grant."
I stood up and let everyone have a good gape at me. Rachel stood up and said, "David's specialisation is going to be Computer Systems."
I sat down, as did Rachel. After being hushed when I wanted to ask questions about this place in front of other people, I decided to hold my questions till I could have a private discussion with Rachel or Mr Hobson. I had an idea that the things I learn would be very interesting and not things normally taught in schools.
"Next is David's study partner, Helen Jackson. One thing of note, Helen and David attended the same school. This is the first time we have admitted, into the same year, two people from the same town, let alone the same school."
Helen stood up and so Rachel, who had just sat down, stood up again. "Helen's specialisation is metal and woodwork."
"Next is Paula Plumtree."
Paula stood and so did Keith Thompson, "Paula specialisation is mechanics."
As Paula and Keith sat down there were a few gasps of surprise. I'm sure I heard someone say, "A girl doing mechanics?"
"Why not?" I retorted. "This school is about not discriminating against gender. So there are no girl's jobs or boy's jobs. Just skills that is suited to our abilities."
"Sorry Paula," said Brian. Apparently, he had made the comment. "I was out of line."
"No problems," said Paula, with a disarming grin. "I know its strange being thrust into a world like this. All I know is I like mechanics and I'm quite good at it."
"I'm glad to see that you're learning quickly to resolve internal issues between yourselves. You will be expected to work as a team, relying on each other's skills. Now, the final person to introduce is Emma O'Conner."
Emma stood and so did Tracy. "Emma is going to be our transportation expert. Emma used to live on a farm and can already drive. This school is on a vast amount of private land and sometimes transportation is required to other areas. When Emma is up to speed, she will be your driver. You will all learn to drive well before your seventeen. However, Emma will also learn to drive larger vehicles safely."
Emma and Tracy sat down and Mr Hobson again spoke, "Your class schedules should now be available on the computer system. You will notice that you all have lessons together, apart from when you will be learning your skills or having instrument lessons. The whole school has orchestra practice on Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons between four and six. There is a large practice on a Sunday afternoon between three and six. I'm glad to see that Emma is a bassoon player and David is a horn player. Two positions which we were short on. However, we still don't have an oboe player so you will get introduced, on Monday, to Jill who goes to a school in Milton Keynes."
"Is Jill aware of us?" asked a very nervous Sam. Sam was shaking and Richard put his arm around Sam to provide comfort.
"Jill has given me permission to tell you about her", said Mr Hobson. "Jill was born Bill, but has a medical condition which, while still a fertile male, has the body of a female. Jill decided six months ago to live full time as a girl, but is not planning on having a sex change. Jill's biological father is a male to female transsexual who recently underwent her final operation to become a woman. Julia is a fulltime IT director who also teaches computer studies here. Julia will certainly impress you with her technical knowledge. She might be management but that doesn't mean she doesn't know what she is doing. Does that answer your question, Sam?"
"Yes," said a calmed down Sam. "Sorry if I was skittish."
"Its only natural," said Lewis. "It's hard to trust again after threats and embarrassment, isn't it?"
"Yes," Sam replied, brightening up. Richard removed his arm now Sam was okay. "It's great not to be alone again."
"This school will serve your last five years in education. Since we aren't a standard school, we don't follow the standard schooling number. You will be year one; the first year in the school."
"One last thing before we go and eat, sleep arrangements. You and your study partner have interconnecting doors. There are times when you need support. You'll probably be lonely, having moved away from your family. If you fall asleep, in the same room, nobody is going to know or care and you won't be told off. However, we ask one thing; keep your underwear on. At your age, it is illegal to have sex and we don't want the school shut down. We are a school not a brothel."
There was polite tittering at Mr Hobson's lame joke.
We went back to the plush entrance hall and went down a corridor. After about twenty meters, Mr Hobson opened the door on the left. Inside was the dining area. There were five large round tables, each with ten seats. To one side was a smaller sixth table. The tables had large white tablecloths that extended halfway down to the floor. I looked around for the waiters in their penguin suits, but saw none.
"Each year has eight students," explained Rachel as we sat down. "One person from the support team will sit on each year's table. We rotate which table the support team sit on. This evening you have me. The headmaster will either sit on one of the year's table or, if we have guests, sit with them on the sixth table."
I had Helen to my right and Rachel sat to my left. Our table was towards one of the walls, which I had my back to. Therefore, I had a good view of the rest of the tables. A girl from the year five table stood up and said, "We all want to welcome the new students to Hayfield Hall and hope you all enjoy your stay."
All the other students then stood up and applauded.
"Enjoy your stay?" I thought to myself. "They make this sound like a hotel; either that or a prison."
I looked around at the eager happy faces on the other older children. They didn't appear to be unhappy, in fact, quite the opposite.
"Okay, that's enough," said Mr Hobson, when he thought the clapping had gone on long enough. When they had quietened down he said, "Thank you Stacy for the introduction."
Mr Hobson then turned to just our table, "Today I am sitting on year three's table. So if you will please excuse me."
I watched as Mr Hobson went across the room and sat down next to Tracy, who was the psychiatrist on that table. There seemed to be a bit of a commotion, as one of the girls on that table was upset. She kept looking towards our table and shaking her head. The other students in her year were trying to comfort her.
Helen nudging me brought me back to focus on what was happening on our table. "Okay, now David is paying attention I'll explain about the meal. The cooks will make your meal and two people from each table will go and collect that year's meals from the kitchens. The meals will be on a trolley, which can hold six meals. So for this table there will be five on one trolley and four on another. The meals are ready when the bell rings."
A single bell rang. Rachel glanced across at table three, where things had calmed down. I noticed Tracy give a slight nod, which I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't wondering what was going on. "Richard and Sam, can you please collect the meals for this table. Just follow the other people."
A few minutes later Richard and Sam were back. I watched Sam walk trying to get some sort of clue. I didn't have any. I decided to ask Richard tomorrow, as Sam might have opened up to Richard by then.
The upset girl from year three was also one of the people that had gone to collect the meal. When she got to the table, she sat down and burst into tears. One of the boys on the table helped put out the food while Tracy and another girl helped comfort the distraught girl. My thoughts were brought back to my table when Sam plonked my plate of food in front of me.
"Sam," frowned Rachel. "Waiters and waitresses serve with style and finesse. They don't just plonk it down. Let me demonstrate."
Rachel got up to serve Brian. "The main rule to remember is that you serve from the left and take from the right. Now Brian's napkin is still in front of him. Before you bring across the plate, unfold it and place it on his lap. Then bring his plate across and serve gracefully from the left."
"Are we all going to be professional waiters now?" I asked, my tongue firmly in my cheek.
Rachel laughed, "No, but if you know how to be one you will know what to expect. Now this is very formal, like you would get in a silver service restaurant. You wouldn't get this in the local Little Chef."
For the second time today, I ate something that tasted like food. It had a taste rather than being the charred overcooked remains, which I had been accustomed to. What I'd eaten at lunchtime was good but this was out of this world. No sooner than I'd started, I'd finished. Sam and Richard took our plates and returned with the deserts. This wasn't a prison; I was in heaven.
As we were talking after the meal, the young girl from year three approached our table. She was accompanied by Tracy and the other girl that had comforted her. The girl looked very nervous and looked like she was going to run at any moment.
Rachel moved to the vacant seat next to Richard. "Richard, I'd like you to meet Wendy."
"Good to see you again, little brother," uttered Wendy, wringing her hands together. "I've changed a bit in the last two years."
"You're...you're," stuttered Richard.
"I'm Wendy," she said firmly, raising her head and smiling confidently.
Richard stood and stared at her. Everyone on the year three and one tables held their breaths. I wonder what was going through Richard's mind. I soon found out.
Suddenly a big grin came across his face and tears started to fall, like mini waterfalls, down his cheeks. He reached out and grabbed his sibling into a warm embrace. "Why didn't you say you felt like this?"
"I didn't know," she sobbed back into her brother's arms. "I only knew something wasn't right. Nobody outside this school knows about me and that is the way it has to stay till I'm older. You were told I'd gone to live with Aunt Harriet in America. That's because younger siblings haven't to know, just in case it influenced their tests."
"But when?" asked Richard.
"When did I stop being William and become Wendy? It was late in year one. I knew it was what I wanted to do. I dressed a lot in my room for a while before I had the courage to talk about it with Tracy. It took longer for me to pluck up the courage to show the rest of the year. Yvonne, my study partner knew and helped me."
"When did you know I was coming here?"
"Tracy told me Sunday night. I hear she is also your support er, support-"
"Psychiatrist," I helpfully finished off.
"Sorry," I said talking over the seven other babbling year one students. Obviously, it wasn't something they were expecting. Rachel and Tracy just glared at me. Oops.
Rachel eventually burst into fits of laughter. "Well there goes the softly, softly approach."
Tracy then spoke for the first time since the reunion. "Wendy, Richard needs to find his feet. There is a lot for him to learn and he has only just met his study partner. I know you have a lot to catch up on, but please wait a few days."
Wendy nodded in understanding. "I'm just down the corridor from you. The computer system will tell you were to go," she explained to her brother. "Give it a week. There is a lot for you to learn."
Wendy went back to her table to help clear up. Richard was too emotional to do anything. He just stood there watching Wendy.
"Rachel," I whispered. "Why don't you let Richard and Sam go to the year one common room? I'll cleanup. I'm sure Helen will help."
Rachel whispered back, "If you don't mind, that would be helpful. The year normally leaves together, but in these circumstances, I think this would be good for him. Thank you David."
"Helen, can give me a hand to clear the table? I volunteered us to do it, as Richard isn't in a fit state. He needs to discuss things and its best he does that with Sam."
"Just like at home," she said with a grin. "You clear the glasses and I'll get the desert plates and bowls."
"At least you don't have to wash up," Emma giggled, as Richard and Sam snuck out of the room.
"I don't think I would be able to cope with that tonight," Helen laughed heartily back.
When we had returned the trolleys to the kitchen, we sat down at the table with something to drink. Some of the older years had tea or coffee. I had decided on a nice cold glass of milk. We chatted for a bit, giving Richard and Sam time to talk.
When we were finished, we cleared up and we trooped back to the year one common room. As we were leaving, so was year three. Wendy dragged me to one side for a moment.
"I saw what you did for Richard," she said. I might have known her birth sex but there was nothing masculine about her. Looking back there was nothing odd about anybody else in the dinning room and I'm sure some of those people were not living as their birth dictated. "Thank you", she continued. "At this school a persons study partner is the most important thing. They're always there for each other. I hope Richard learns that sooner than later."
"I saw how hard it was for you," I replied. "Not only was Yvonne there for you, but so were all the students in your year. I noticed how they rallied round to support you. I take it you were supposed to introduce yourself when you went for the meals?"
"Yes, though I didn't do it as I was frightened of his reaction. In the end, I couldn't have wished for a better result. I hope they explain why no one can know what happens in this school."
"I think I understand. I've noticed too many things which can only lead to one conclusion. If I'm correct then I can perfectly understand why everything about this school stays a secret. Not just till your eighteen, but forever. You can never go back to your parents, can you?"
"No," she sobbed. "I can't. None of us can. At the end of the day it is best for everyone."
When we got to the year one common room door, Helen and Yvonne where waiting. "Take good care of her," I said to Yvonne, "She will need a lot of comfort tonight. She desperately wants to explain things, such as the post eighteen issues, to Richard but she knows she can't. He isn't ready for that kind of revelation yet."
Yvonne looked at me with wide-open eyes. "A lucky guess and logical thinking," I said.
I grabbed Helen and we went into the common room, leaving Wendy and Yvonne to comfort each other. I knew Helen would not ask in front of other people, but I expect a good grilling later.
Everyone was in the room, including Rachel. She had seen me talking to Wendy, so she came across to see me before I got too close to the others. "Is all okay?" she asked.
"I hope so," I replied. "However, I think I need to explain something to Tracy. I extrapolated on Wendy's situation and added in some ideas that you have stopped me expressing. I went forward a few years and explained the result to Wendy. It hit the nail on the head."
I was glad to see that Helen looked confused. She was very close to her parents, so I was trying to keep her in the dark. Rachel noticed that because she said, "Before bed I want to see you both in my office. I need to explain all of this too you both." I started to complain but Rachel firmly said, "No, David. You can't carry that knowledge on your own. You need to trust Helen."
"But I can't. She isn't ready."
"No, but nor are you. You think you are, but you're not. Together the pain will be shared. It will be somebody that you can discuss things with. You must never have a secret from your study partner. No one here will expect or demand that from you."
Rachel whipped out a PDA. I wonder where she was carrying that. Her outfit didn't seem designed to store such a device. "Tracy will be in her office in two minutes. Go up the stairs onto the first floor. Our offices are down the corridor on the left."
"Will you be okay?" Helen asked me, as Rachel went to talk with the other students.
"I think so," I replied. "I best go and see Tracy. I shouldn't be too long. Can you update me tonight on anything I've missed?"
"Sure," she grinned, pushing me towards the door.
I followed Rachel's simple directions and ended up outside Tracy's office. I knocked but there was no reply, so I stood waiting outside. Tracy soon appeared and I was let into her large office. On her desk was a computer like in our bedrooms. There were three chairs opposite the desk. Against the far wall were two three-seat settees, which is where I was directed to sit.
Tracy sat next to me and said, "Rachel said that you had some important information for me?"
"Maybe," I replied. I relayed my discussion with Wendy. "Rachel said she was going to have a chat with me and Helen tonight."
"I think that is very much needed," she said. "You're right to tell me about Wendy. Yvonne will help emotionally, but I will need to make sure that Wendy can talk about this rationally. I will need to keep her in the loop of what Richard knows and doesn't."
I had a small chat with Tracy before going back to the year one common room. When I got back, Rachel was in the process of issuing PDA's to us. These were registered to our thumbprint.
"These PDA's are linked into the school network. You can use it as a phone, send messages, check schedules and use it for note taking. All that you can do on your PDA can be done on your main terminal, in your bedroom. Any notes you take will be automatically available from the terminals."
I used my thumbprint and pulled up my schedule. I noticed it even included the orchestra practice tomorrow. I clicked a few times and pulled up tomorrow's meal choices, which I had great joy in filling in.
Rachel then went on to explain how the television and radio system worked. "You have to be in your bedrooms by ten. From year four, it is midnight. So currently, you have an hour to yourselves. Normally, time from last lessons till bedtime is yours to relax in any way you want; after you have done your homework. Evening meals are normally half six, unless advertised. Today's was half seven so we could get the introductions done."
Rachel turned to Helen and me. We were sitting together on a two-seater leather settee. "Follow me and let's get this discussion over with."
We followed Rachel up the stairs and into Rachel's office. It was furnished identically, but instead of a green leather sofa, this was maroon.
Thirty minutes later, I was comforting Helen as we made our way back to our rooms. "Forever?" was all she could say. I wasn't numb with shock as I had worked out most of it. Even so, things were a lot bigger than even I suspected.
I opened my door and ushered Helen in. "Go to your room, clean your teeth and get ready for bed," I advised her. "Then we can talk for as long as we need to."
I got ready and was in my pyjamas when Helen came in. She was dressed in a satin pair of pyjamas with a matching dressing gown wrapped around her. She looked stunning. We sat on the settee in my room and we chatted about what we had been told. When we had finished, the clock showed midnight. We'd gone through two boxes of tissues. I'd been as upset as Helen had. Rachel was right; it is something that needed to be shared.
Helen went off to her room and I slid into bed. Helen had left the interconnecting door open. I struggled to sleep; the details were still too fresh in my mind. No, that wasn't true. I could still see the image of Helen crumpling when she knew she would never see her family again. They would be able to write or email to each other, but that would be it. I would never be able to see my parents or my brother again. I was as bereft as Helen was. Less than twenty-four hours ago I was sharing a room with my brother, now I was alone in a school that was nothing like I'd expected.
I pounded my over plump pillow to try to put an indent into it. It was too high for me. As I put my head down, I heard sobbing coming from next door. I went in and found a distraught Helen hugging her second pillow. I climbed into bed next to her and put a comforting arm around her. I only meant to stay till she was feeling better, but I fell asleep with Helen in my arms.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
I awoke to a faint beeping coming from Helen's computer. Helen stirred a few seconds later. As Helen stirred, I realised she might not be happy with me sleeping in the same bed. I also realised that seeing Helen was causing a reaction in my underwear.
"Oh God," I thought. "She'll kill me!"
I quietly slipped out of the bed and made a dash for my room. I was in desperate need for a cold shower. As I headed for the door, I tripped and fell onto the floor.
"Go and get yourself ready," giggling Helen, from her bed. "Thank you for being with me last night. I don't think I could have coped without you being there."
"So you're not angry?" I asked, standing up. I was amazed that she wasn't punching me; Helen was much stronger.
"Of course not," she said indignantly. "Now go and have a shower. I take it you were going to have a cold one?"
I put my hands in front of my erection, embarrassed that she'd seen it and dashed into my room.
After my invigorated shower, I donned the white fluffy robe and went to examine the contents of the wardrobe. Since today, according to the schedule, would be mostly class work, I chose a light pair of trousers and a long-sleeved shirt. Helen came in wearing a female pair of trousers and a short-sleeved top. That was the problem with no jeans in the wardrobe.
"Are you okay," I asked her. "With what you were told last night?"
"Not really," she replied, sounding subdued. "However, there isn't much I can do about it. I love my family dearly and never to see them again is going to hurt. However, I can understand why, I just don't like it. What about you?"
"I was never very close with my parents," I said. "However, no matter their faults, I still loved them. My brother was a pain but always stuck up for me and I'll miss him as well."
We hugged each other, which I didn't want to end. However, Helen being sensible said, "We'd better get ready or we will be late. We don't want to be late for our first breakfast."
As we went from the sleeping quarters into the main house, we bumped into Rachel. "How are you two coping?" she asked.
"We spent till about midnight discussing it," I answered truthfully. "Sorry that we didn't keep to curfew."
"Were you in your room by ten?" Rachel asked.
"Yes," Helen replied. "We went to our room as soon as we left your office. I was too upset to do anything else."
"Then you didn't break any rules," explained Rachel. "The rules say you had to be in your bedrooms by ten. Nothing about when you go to sleep. We want you to learn how to take responsibility for yourselves. So after you'd talked till midnight, did you still have trouble sleeping?"
We both nodded.
"Which bed did you both comfort each other in?"
"Are our rooms bugged?" I demanded.
"No, but it is the usual thing that occurs with caring people; and you are both caring people."
"My bed," said an embarrassed Helen, bowing her head.
"Head up," snapped Rachel. "So you slept in the same bed. Did you both keep you underwear on?"
Again, we both nodded our heads.
"So you abided by the rules. You were both emotionally distraught and needed each other." Turning to Helen she asked, "Were you upset that David joined you in bed?"
"No," she said, not looking at me.
"Would you like David to join you again?"
Helen spluttered. She looked at me and then at Rachel.
"That's not fair," I said. "Asking Helen that question in front of me is cruel."
"Of course," said Rachel with a slight smile. "Sorry."
There was no way that Rachel was sorry. She knew exactly what she was doing and probably got the answers she was looking for.
"Apology accepted," I said. "By the way, how long were you waiting for us, so you could bump into us?"
Helen elbowed me, but I just looked straight at Rachel, egging her to respond.
Rachel just laughed, "About twenty minutes. I got the timing on that one wrong. Enjoy breakfast; I'll see you both later."
Breakfast was either a cooked one, which you had to pre order, or cereal. The cereal you helped yourself to from the selection on the side cabinet. When the bell rang, Brian and Lewis went to get the cooked items from the kitchen. They would do the fetching and clearing today.
I'd never had a cooked breakfast before, though I had heard a lot about them. Neither of my parents had the skills to cook so many items and have them ready at the same time. They also didn't have enough money to be so extravagant. I still don't understand how I managed to end up with a computer.
So today was the first time I tackled a full cooked breakfast; bacon, sausages, fried eggs, tomatoes, baked beans, mushrooms, hash browns, black pudding and fried bread. When I chose "fried breakfast" on the menu, it automatically shrunk the choice I had for the evening meal. So tonight, I will have cottage cheese salad. Oh well.
I chatted away with the others. Apart from them missing their families, all the other six appeared to be fine. They were thinking of this as a glorified school trip. Today we had Dan Mathews sitting with us. He was chatting away with us, always with a big grin on his face. After a bit, I noticed he was steering the conversations so he could get information about how we were coping. He must have had some inside information, as he never tried to find out how Helen and I were.
As I was drinking a nice glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, I heard two tings. One appeared to come from my pocket and the other from Helen's. I looked at Helen who shrugged. "That ting is a schedule update being applied to your PDA. It only tings if the update applies to today or is classified as important.
Helen and I both reached for our PDA's, but I managed to pull up the page before she could. Helen and I had joint appointments with Rachel at eleven. Helen showed me her screen; she had an additional appointment at half eleven with someone called Dr Sue Barker.
"Hey Dan, who is Dr Sue Barker, is she related to the tennis player?"
"She prefers to be called Dr Sue rather than Dr Barker. She is the GP that all the students are registered with. She is part of a doctor's practice in Milton Keynes and yes, she can be trusted. Tennis is the wrong sport. Do any of you watch rugby?"
There were a few nods and a few verbal "yeah's".
"Do you ever remember someone called Stuart Barker?"
"The hero of Wigan?" asked Lewis.
"That's the one. That is who Dr Sue used to be."
"Shit!" swore Lewis. "I remember seeing historic Wigan matches on DVD. Stuart was very masculine. Is she passable?"
"Very. She's a big girl, but nobody has ever questioned that she isn't a woman."
Sam, always the paranoid one, grinned at his own self-consciousness.
"I take you found each other comforting?" Dan quietly asked Helen and me.
"I thought only Rachel would know all about us?"
"Your initial cases were reviewed by all five of us and Rachel had to warn us about her conversation with you both. Things like your conversation with Rachel this morning will stay with her. However, I can have a guess based on the appointments that you have just got. I take it you kept to the rules?"
"Yes," we said simultaneously. We must stop doing that.
"Well, you've not just broken the record, you've smashed it. Don't worry about Rachel; she is just trying to look after you. You aren't in trouble."
Breakfast was finished, so we all trooped out of the dining room. Morning lessons where more intense than I've ever had, but it all made sense. I didn't have to hide my love for a subject and I found myself taking part in the lesson more than I'd done in the last few years. I wasn't the only one, as all eight of us took an active part. We covered more in Maths than I had done in a month at my old school.
In between Maths and Language Studies, Helen and I bumped into Yvonne and Wendy. "Hi," they greeted us in unison. We chatted quietly for a few moments.
"I hope I didn't upset you too much, last night," I said to Wendy.
"I was a little upset, but that was only to be expected," she explained truthfully in a very hushed voice trying not to explain too much.
"Last night, Rachel explained everything to both of us," I explained. "She said I had guessed too much and it wouldn't be healthy for me if Helen didn't know."
"We were a very close family," confided Wendy. "I was very upset when I was told. I know Richard won't be happy either."
"Well at least Tracy will be prepared," comforted Helen. "As you were upset, she will know that Richard will be. Richard will be told at the same timescale as you were, so it isn't going to be for a while yet."
"Last night, which bed did you sleep in?" asked Yvonne with a sly smile.
Helen turned red and said, "Mine. How did you know?"
"Most change from study partners to partners when they have a huge emotional upheaval," explained Yvonne. "I presume that being told was very upsetting to one or both of you."
"It's just a perk of coming here," informed Wendy. "So far, nobody has failed to fall for their study partner. It takes all the worry out of finding a life partner."
I was itching to ask about the other items that had been confirmed, but I knew this neither the time nor the place. I'm sure some will get talked about when I start my skills lessons. I was looking forward to that homework.
"So what do you think of the fun things the school offers?" asked Yvonne.
"Such as?" asked Helen. "We've only seen our common room."
"There is a twenty-five metre swimming pool, a library and all the computers can access a wide range of computer games. The library doesn't just have school reference books but has a really good range of fiction books; you can also borrow board games."
"What about movies?"
"Just access via your computer terminal, you will see a wide selection including what is currently on at the cinema."
We didn't get chance to ask any more as it was time for the next lesson. Language Studies was intense. I think it was that most intense lesson so far. We all had basic French but what we covered was in more detail. Not only did we have to know about the language but the people and culture.
"In three weeks I will be conducting the whole lesson in French," warned Mr Hill. "Your understanding and spoken French is more important in the short term than your written French. That will come naturally as you understand the language."
We had a twenty-minute break and then at eleven it was supposed to be a study period. So the other six students in year one went to the common room to discuss this morning's lessons.
Not so, for Helen and me, we had to discuss things with Rachel so we would only be able to discuss things for twenty minutes. As we walked into the common room, I snagged my shirtsleeve on the door handle and it ripped.
"Helen," I called. "I've just ripped my shirt; I'll be back in a few minutes."
"I'll go with you," she said. "The air conditioning in this building is a bit strong for me. I think I will grab a light jumper."
When we were changed, I decided to broach the subject that we'd both been avoiding all morning. "Helen," I started, as I walked into her room, "I'm sorry I slept in the same bed as you last night."
Helen turned round and looked at me. "So you won't do it again?"
Why did Helen have to phrase it like that? Then my Mum's words came echoing into my mind, "always be truthful with a girl".
"I'd like to," I shyly responded, not daring to look at her face, "but not if you don't want me to."
The ball was back in her court. She sat down on her settee and indicated that she wanted me to join her.
"David," she started, "there is something I need to tell you."
Oh my God, I'm for it now.
"Yes?" was all I could say.
"Two years ago you stopped seeing me around school. I didn't understand at the time and thought you didn't like me. I now know that wasn't the case. I had hoped that you might have thought of me as your girlfriend."
"WHAT!" I shouted out a bit too loudly. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"I was confused," she continued. "You know I did that research on transsexuals?"
I nodded, wondering where Helen was going with this conversation.
"Well, that didn't lessen what I thought I felt about you. In fact, it made it worse. So last night, knowing you cared, was the most wonderful thing ever."
Wow, she wasn't going to kill me, but what does she mean that it made it worse? Does she want me to be a girl?
"What do you mean, it made it worse? Are you saying you want me to be a girl, live as a girl or what?"
"I don't know," Helen confessed. "All I know is that two years ago I was devastated when we stopped talking. I just don't want to lose you again."
We sat there our arms round each other wondering what we've got involved in. Nothing was said, nothing needed to be said. We were no longer just study partners.
"We'd better get going," I eventually said, breaking the joyful silence that had enveloped us.
"I suppose so," Helen sighed, the world once again bigger than the two of us.
We walked to Rachel's office and arrived a few minutes early. Since Rachel was free, we went in early. Again, we were ushered to sit on the settee. I recon this was a good sign; they must reserve the chairs for naughty people. As we sat down, Helen's hand brushed against mine and our hands naturally joined.
Rachel sat down on the other settee and looked us over. "Since this morning, I presume you've had a chat with each other."
"Yes," we replied simultaneously. Perhaps this simultaneous response has something in it. I suddenly felt glad we thought on the same wavelength.
"And?"
Helen filled in Rachel on our conversation. However, she omitted the part about gender.
"There was more, wasn't there?" asked Rachel gazing at me.
I looked at Helen, who reluctantly nodded her head. "We discussed my gender and how it affected our relationship."
"Relationship?" queried Rachel
"I lost David two years ago, as he tried to protect himself from bullies. I don't want to lose him again."
"Aren't you a bit young to be in a relationship? You're both only thirteen and will be fourteen during this school year."
"You deliberately put together two people who are compatible and put them in a situation where they only had comfort from each other. How can you not expect that to spark something?" I retorted. "Helen and I have known each other for years; it's only natural that something would develop quicker between us, than normally happens."
"So you discussed David's gender?" asked Rachel backtracking. "Tell me more about that."
"I admitted to David that when I though he might be a transsexual, it increased my desire for him."
"Well you two are full of surprises," commented Rachel. "You are very open with each other; more than I would expect of children your age. So David, how do you feel about Helen's desires?"
I thought, reflected and then thought some more. "I don't know," I plaintively responded. "I wish I did. I never thought I could be any different from what I am. I had enough trouble at school without adding to it."
"Trouble?" queried Rachel. "Are you referring to you getting beaten up? Didn't that occur more than two years ago?"
"Yes," I responded quietly, remembering the sight of my bruised body in the mirror. "Stopping seeing Helen and any other girls helped the situation. I also learnt to observe other people which helped me avoid situations where I might get roughed up."
"Is that why you are so observant?"
"After a while watching people became second nature. It was a survival technique."
"So you discussed David's gender. What about Helen's gender, did you discuss that?" asked Rachel as she leaned forward. "David, how would you feel about Helen if she wanted to be a boy?"
Helen was about to say something, but a glare from Rachel shut her up. Does Helen want to be male? She is stronger than me and appears to enjoy certain items which would be classified as male jobs. However, does she want to be a boy? If she does, how do I feel about that? This morning Helen turned me on, would that happen if she was a he?
I closed my eyes and tried to see Helen as a boy or a man. I couldn't do it. Lewis was a very convincing boy but would Helen be so convincing? Would I be a convincing girl? WHAT? Where did that one come from?
Tears of frustration started to trickle down my cheeks. Helen let go of my hand and pulled me into her. Her arms wrapped around me. That felt so good.
"Why are you doing this to him?" asked Helen angrily at Rachel.
Rachel just ignored her. Eventually I opened my eyes and I simply said, "I don't know. Helen, if you close your eyes, can you see me as a girl?"
Helen didn't answer for a bit. When she realised we were waiting for an answer she responded, "Yes."
"And do you like what you see?" prompted Rachel.
"Yes," Helen reluctantly replied. "Sorry David."
"I can't see you as male. I tried but I can't. You have always been the strong one, the one who comforts me, like you are doing now. However, there is also a frightened girl in there, who also needs comfort. Just because someone likes to do what the opposite sex traditionally does, doesn't mean that they want or need to change sex."
"So Helen, you think David should be female and David, you feel that Helen shouldn't be male. Does that sum it up?"
Helen nodded, however I said, "No, that's not what I said. I said I couldn't see Helen as male. However, she should do what she feels is right for her."
"So what happens to your relationship if Helen wants to be male?"
I looked at Helen with fright. Does she want to be male?
"I don't know," I answered truthfully. "It may survive, it may not."
"David, what was your reaction this morning, to waking up next to Helen?"
"I was pleased and embarrassed."
"Why embarrassed?" queried Rachel.
"Because he had a hard on," giggled Helen, as I turned bright red.
"It's perfectly natural," reassured Rachel. "It isn't anything to be ashamed of. Did you like having an erection?"
What kind of question is that? Wait a minute, how did I feel? I like being with Helen, her in my arms or me in hers, but that isn't the question. How did I feel about having an erection? It was the first one I could remember having.
"I was embarrassed," I answered slowly, "but there was something else. I don't know how to describe it. I was happy having slept with Helen; she made me so fulfilled. The erection, I had totally different feelings about."
Helen tightened her grip on me and let her fingers gently caress me.
"Describe the feeling, close your eyes and try and think of this morning."
I closed me eyes, "I was embarrassed, I was also," I paused searching for the right words. "Disgusted, is the closest I can come up with. I felt sick."
"So you liked sleeping with Helen," confirmed Rachel, "you liked how you felt, but you didn't like your body's reaction?"
I nodded, dazed and confused. What was wrong with me? Am I ill?
"Helen, you have an appointment with Dr Sue in a few minutes. Since you all have to see the doctor at some stage; I'll see if she can fit David in at the same time."
"That was a very good session," said Rachel as we got up. "Most sessions for year one students are individual. Sessions with their partners don't normally occur till late year one or even not till year two. However, since you already have matured beyond being just study partners, I think future sessions should be with both of you."
We walked further down the corridor and entered through another door. All the doors were unmarked, so unless you knew where you were going you were reliant on the directions your PDA gave you.
"This is the waiting room," explained Rachel. There were standard chairs in here and the walls were covered with health advice posters. Yes, this looked and felt like a doctor's waiting room. There was interconnecting doors, which lead to the doctor's office. On the wall, next to the door was an electronic sign, which read 'Available'.
"If it is busy then just take a seat. If the sign says 'Available', then knock on the door and wait for a response. If the doctor isn't in her room then the sign automatically changes to 'Unavailable'."
Rachel knocked on the door and after hearing a "Come in" ushered Helen and me into the room. There was a desk in the corner where Dr Sue had a computer and a few medical instruments, such as a stethoscope and blood pressure cuffs. There was a medical bed against the opposite corner.
"Dr Sue, I'd like you to meet David Grant and Helen Jackson. Can you check out David after seeing Helen? I've sent you the details."
"Hang on," said Sue whipping out her PDA. She faced us so we wouldn't see what was written. I presume that is why she didn't use her computer. "That will be fine. Unless I find anything major, I should have them finished before lunch. David, can you please wait in the waiting room. Due to patient confidentiality, I only see one patient at a time. This rule applies to year five as well as year one."
Helen took a seat and I left with Rachel. Half an hour later Helen came out and before I could ask her anything, I was called in.
Dr Sue chatted away with me as she performed her medical tests. I watched her as she worked. She treated me better than any doctor I'd ever had. She appeared to have a heart and care about her patients. They weren't just another customer or statistic.
After all the tests and she had drawn several small tubes of blood we sat down. "Do I pass?" she asked.
"As both a women and a doctor," I answered. "I've never had a doctor be so thorough, caring and at the same time professional."
"Why thank you," smiled Dr Sue. "I try to be the best person and doctor that I can be. So how are you finding Hayfield Hall?"
"It's not what I was expecting," I said wondering how much I could say. I decided that it would be best to keep things on the public level. "Rachel and the other psychiatrists appear to be very caring. I've only had two lessons so far so I can't comment much, but the little I've had has covered more ground in one lesson that a month in my old school."
"What is your favourite subject?"
"Computers," I answered. "It appears the school has noticed that and have scheduled me with extra, more advanced, lessons."
"Is that with Julia Toms?"
"Yes, how did you know?"
"Julia and Jill are both patients of mine in Milton Keynes. You'll like them both. Jill is your age. Now let's get in Helen as there are a few things that I need to discuss with both of you."
I got up, opened the door and Helen came in. We sat down next to each other, our hands again automatically joining.
"Following a discussion I had with Helen, I have put a contraceptive implant into her upper arm. This will last three months before it needs replacing. For Helen the implant has several advantages; firstly, you don't have to remember to take the pill each day, second it starts working immediately. Now, I'm not saying you should jump into bed and have sex. Remember it is illegal to have sex under the age of sixteen. However, we are pragmatic and know that it sometimes happens. I'd prefer someone to be on contraception than have a baby at your age."
"Helen, I've sent you a link to a document covering possible side effects. I know we discussed them earlier, but it is there as a reminder. If you have any queries then please come and see me or the school nurse."
After saying goodbye, we went downstairs just in time to join the others as we trooped into the dining room.
"How did it go?" Lewis asked as we sat down.
"Fine," said Helen. "Apparently you will all have checkups with Dr Sue over the next few weeks."
"What's she like?" asked Sam.
"She is lovely, you couldn't ask for a nicer doctor," I gushed, "and yes Sam, you can't tell she wasn't born a women."
After we'd all demolished our deserts, Yvonne and two other students from year three came across. Wendy sat at the year three table looking very upset, knowing she didn't trust herself to talk with her brother.
"Hi Yvonne," I said. Then I remembered that the only people who knew who Yvonne is were Helen and I. "Everyone, this is Yvonne Freemen, she is Wendy's study partner."
"This is Tim Harper and his study partner Andrea....er. When they heard that Mr Hobson has been negligent, in not telling you about the recreational facilities, they jumped at the chance to show you around."
I glared at Yvonne, trying to understand her stumble. Now wasn't the time to ask, so I decided I'd tackle Tim and Andrea later.
"Shall we come to the year one common room after lessons have finished at three?" suggested Tim. "That will give us an hour before orchestra practice?"
We all nodded our agreements and they disappeared back to their table.
Afternoon lessons were not as intense as the morning. We had lessons in Geography and English. None of which were my strongest lessons but yet again, the teachers knew how to make them easy. Having to fake dumbness was something that appeared to have stopped me succeeding. Even Helen, who had not suffered like me, appeared to be getting more out of the lessons.
Later, in the common room, while we waited for Tim and Andrea, I showed the other six how to find the films. I know Yvonne had said there was a wide selection but this was far larger than I expected. Not only were there standard Hollywood films but also a lot of foreign films. Next, I pulled up the list of computer games; again, there were many games. Paula gave a big grin when she saw some of the titles.
There was a sharp knock on the door, as I was the closest I opened it. There stood Tim and Andrea. When the others noticed them, they came scampering across, eager to find out what this school offered outside of learning.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
First stop was the library. We went upstairs and turned right. Just down the corridor, there was a door on the right. Tim swung it open revealing a vast library. There were rows of shelves packed with books.
"Where's the librarian," queried Emma.
"There isn't one," answered Andrea. "Just get the books you want and scan them at the library computer. They will be booked out to you. There is no maximum lending period. If someone is interested in a title that is out, they can look up who has the book. You can perform a subject or title search through any computer terminal or your PDA."
I looked across at Helen, who had a big grin on her face. It was obvious that the love of books was another thing we shared. I wonder if there were any signed copies on these shelves. It wouldn't be normal for a school library but this school was nothing ordinary.
We came back out of the library and went through a door on the opposite side of the corridor. Here was a small theatre with a stage. The stage was setup ready for this afternoon orchestra practice.
"Next we go downstairs and onto the sports hall."
We went out of the backdoor and in the distance, we saw a modern building. We strolled along the tarmac path, the summer sun beating down on us. As we strolled along the other six in our year streamed ahead, eager to find out what facilities were there.
"Andrea, do you mind if I ask what your surname is?" I asked, remembering how Yvonne had refused to say it.
"I take it you're the David that Wendy and Yvonne talked about?"
I nodded.
"And since you are glued together, I presume you're Helen?"
Helen nodded and with a smile asked, "Are we famous?"
"Only for noticing things that year one student's shouldn't notice. Is it true that Rachel had to tell you everything?"
"Well if you mean the reasons behind the specialist skills and never being able to see our family again, then yes."
"You certainly know how to get yourselves a reputation," grinned back Andrea. "I've changed my surname, it is now Harper."
"You can't be sixteen yet, so you can't be married," surmised Helen.
"No, we went through a commitment ceremony. A lot of students, when they realise they are going to be with their partner for life go through this. Anyway, even if we were sixteen we couldn't get married. I'm not allowed to have my SRS till I'm eighteen."
"I'm sorry Andrea," I apologised. "I didn't realise"
"No need to apologise, I take it as a complement."
As we approached the sport hall, I noticed to the left of it were two tennis courts. There was a game of doubles going on We were soon inside the air-conditioned building. There we were shown the swimming pool, squash courts, fitness room and main sport hall. In the sport hall, there was badminton and table tennis.
"All the equipment needed such as racquets and balls can be found in the equipment room," explained Tim.
We strolled back to the main house for the orchestra practice. With only five minutes before we had to be there, we decided to be diligent students and get there early.
We entered through the side entrance and onto the stage. I said thank you and goodbye to Tim and Andrea as they wondered off. Since I had left my old school, the instrument that I borrowed from them had been returned. As expected, Mr Hobson was waiting with the instruments.
"Can all year one students please gather round," he requested.
When all eight of us were assembled, he started issuing the instruments. "Lewis, this is for you," Mr Hobson said handing a box to him.
Lewis looked confused, as he wasn't to play and instrument. He was to learn to be a conductor. For the next few weeks, he would observe while being taught the skill of conducting. Lewis opened the leather case and inside, cushioned by velvet padding, were two conductor batons.
Lewis picked each one up. "This second one is much heavier than the first", he commented.
"The light one is made of white oak and is a good starting baton," explained Mr Hobson. "The heavier one is one you would use at a concert; it is made out of an exotic wood called Cocobolo.
"I've never heard of that wood," admitted Lewis.
A middle-aged woman was walking across from the other side of the stage. She hurried along when she saw Mr Hobson beckon her across.
"It proper name is dalbergia retusa and can be found only in Central America with the best quality in Costa Rica. That's enough geography for now. Now let me introduce you to the schools music teacher, Mrs Russell."
"Hi all," she said. "Welcome to the school orchestra. I have looked over all you musical records and think, with practice, that you will all fit in well."
Mrs Russell then turned to me and said, "Are you Lewis?"
"No, I'm David," I said with a smile, "This is Lewis." I pointed to Lewis who gave a small wave.
"Oh," she flustered. "I'm sorry."
"Well Lewis," she said to the correct boy. "I've put a seat by the conductors stand so you can observe me closer. I'll try and explain why I do things as we go along."
The group broke up as we checked out our instruments. Just then, a young girl I'd not seen before came in; she was carrying an instrument case. A bit behind her were Rachel and an older looking woman.
"Helen," I said in a low voice, "do you think that is Jill and the older woman Julia?"
"I'm not sure, but more than likely," she replied. Helen then stood up and said to the girl who was now near us, "Hi, are you Jill?"
The girl stopped and looked surprised, "Yes, are you one of the new students?"
"Yes, we arrived yesterday. I'm Helen and this is David," she introduced. "I play the bassoon and David plays the horn."
Rachel caught up, "Julia, meet David and Helen."
"THE David and Helen? This is David who has been assigned to me to teach about computer system?"
"THE David and Helen?" I asked. "Rachel, have you been talking behind our backs?"
"No David, I just informed Julia that you surmised certain information and you both had been told certain things."
The way Rachel talked I presumed that Jill didn't know things but Julia did.
"Jill, are you stopping for something to eat afterwards?" Helen asked.
"Probably," Jill replied looking at Julia. "I normally sit with Julia on the guest table."
"You're our age, aren't you? Rachel, Julia, would it be possible for Jill to sit with us?" I asked.
"Ooh, can I Dad?" Jill asked excitedly.
Julia coughed a warning cough. "Sorry Julia, but can I?" asked Jill again
"I have no objection," Julia said, "but it isn't up to me. Ask Mr Hobson."
Jill skipped off to find the headmaster.
"I'll see you on tomorrow," said Julia as she went off with Rachel.
Mrs Russell tapped the conductors stand and said, "Seats everyone, lets get going."
Each chair had a first name and year on it. I found mine and sat down. Being a brass player, I was seated towards the back, so yet again had a good view of the goings on. Only the percussion players would have a better view.
"On your stands should be three pieces of music that we are going to start learning; Beethoven's first symphony, Schubert's third symphony, and Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture."
The practice was the most exhausting thing I'd ever done. I thought I played quite well but I could see that I had lots of practice to do. We'd run through the two symphonies as they weren't technically that challenging. In between the first two pieces I looked around at the students. Music was something that sung in all our hearts. There was no idle gossiping and slacking, this was something that brought the school together, a shared single passion away from the existence we had lived our earlier lives in.
There was a slight delay in starting practicing the 1812 Overture, as they had to improvise something for the cannon. For a live concert, we would have one but not for rehearsals. Mrs Russell came up with idea of putting a microphone in between two pillows inside a base drum. When Andrea, who was one of the percussionists, stuck the drum the sound that came out of the speaker sounded like a muffled cannon. It would do for practice.
As the music faded from the first full run through of the 1812 Overture, I thought I'd gone to heaven and hell at the same time. My ears were shot with the volume the orchestra managed to produce at the end. Having the timpani just behind me didn't help, nor did the amount of volume the tuba player managed to effortlessly produce. I'm sure the stage vibrated during the last eight bars. My ears might still be ringing and my lips might feel like they were going to fall off, but my soul was singing. Playing such exhilarating music just left me on a high. The passion that the orchestra gave the music made me feel so alive, so together with the school. We weren't forty school children; we were a single heart giving life to music.
At the end of the practice, we all folded up our stands and put them away. We put our instruments in our year's common room before heading for the dining room. Jill had put her instrument inside the common room as well, so I got chatting as we wandered across to the dining room.
"So Jill, how long have you been helping with the orchestra?" asked Helen.
"Since March," Jill replied. "Julia has been working part time here for over a year."
"And the company she works for doesn't mind?" I asked rather surprised.
"I'm not sure why and Julia has told me not to ask."
We arrived at the dinning room and Dan moved across one seat so that Jill could sit next to me. Someone must have informed the dinning staff, as Jill's meal was already on one of the year one trolleys.
"It's nice to be able to mix with children my own age here," Jill said, as I tackled my cottage cheese salad. "I was always at least a year younger than anyone else here and I had trouble fitting in."
During dessert, I plucked up the courage to whisper to Jill, "Do you mind if I ask you something personal?"
"I may refuse to answer, but ask away," she replied in equally hushed tones.
"How did you know that Jill was right for you?"
Jill thought for a moment and said, "It's quite a story and it's going to take longer than this meal. It might also look suspicious if I spend ages talking to just you. Why don't, after the meal, I tell you my entire story. That should help not just you, but others in this year that might be confused."
"Julia won't mind?" I asked.
Jill just giggled, "No, it'll be good for her to catch up with some items here. My sister Beth was staying with friends, so there isn't any problem."
"What about your Mum?" I asked.
"Mum died at the beginning of January," Jill said sadly. "It's all part of how I became Jill."
I put my hand onto hers, "You okay?"
"I think so," she replied. "I've not really talked about this, so if I'm emotional then please forgive me."
"Do you have anyone special?"
"Oh yeah, there is a very special person called Anna. I wouldn't have survived without her."
"So why didn't you come to this school?" I asked. "With Julia helping here, I'm sure they would have got you in."
"I don't need to come here," she explained. "There are a lot more people, such as you, who need this school. Who out of the eight shouldn't have come so I could be admitted?"
"Oh, I hadn't thought of that."
"And I wouldn't have come without Anna. It would have broken her heart that she couldn't see her parents again."
"Until she was eighteen," I added.
"Oh yes, of course, not until she was eighteen," Jill confirmed, looking meaningfully at me.
After dessert, Jill went to talk to Julia about her socialising a bit with us. She wasn't going to mention what she was going to discuss, as Jill didn't want to worry Julia.
After the meal had all been cleared away, we disappeared into the confines of the year one common room.
"What does everyone want to do this evening," asked Paula.
"I've been told that you were informed that I was born a boy called Bill," Jill started. "I was told that you might find it helpful if I explain how and why I decided to live as Jill."
All of us made interested sounds, so we moved the settee's round so that we could be cosier. When all the furniture was rearranged, we sat down. Helen sat on a three-seat settee with me on one side; Jill sat on the other.
"Please don't ask questions till I'm done. I've never told people this before and I know parts will be difficult."
For two hours, Jill opened up her life to us all. Eventually it was too much and she couldn't say anymore, her tears were affecting her speech too much. She just broke down and cried over the loss of her mother. Helen had grabbed Jill and held her in her arms, but nothing appeared to calm her down.
"Emma," I hissed, "can you help Helen while I see if any of the psychiatrists can help."
After I slipped into the hall, I called Rachel, using the PDA as a cordless phone. "Rachel, do you know if Jill is under any of the psychiatrists here?"
"Not officially," Rachel replied, "though Julia came under me when I joined. Why?"
"Jill just started telling us her story including the death of her mother. She said she has never told anyone before and it looks like she has just released six months of bottled up emotions."
"I'm on my way," she said. "Who is comforting her?"
"It was mostly Helen because Jill prefers the comfort of a girl. Emma is helping."
"Emma might not be the best to help," said Rachel breathlessly as she ran down the stairs, her shoes in her hands.
When she appeared outside the year one common room Rachel said, "I've tried to get hold of Julia but her PDA is unavailable. She said earlier that she was preparing some lessons for you, so she is probably hooked into the hacking network. Her PDA then won't be able to register where she is in the building and she could be anywhere. I'm giving you permission to hack the school network to track down Julia while I try and talk to Jill. Do you mind if I let Helen comfort Jill?"
"Hack the network?" I squeaked. "The systems here are very sophisticated."
"Aren't you up to it?" she goaded.
"I'll try," I said, wondering how I was going to achieve the result.
"What about Helen?"
"That is up to her," I said, "but Jill certainly needs someone. Jill has a girlfriend who helped her become Jill. Her name is Anna. Anna's father, George, is friends with Julia and is the personnel director at the company Julia works for."
"I don't want Jill away from professional help till she has recovered a bit. If Anna gets involved, it would have to be here. We need to speak with Julia first and if Anna is going to come here for a day then Mr Hobson needs to agree to it. I'm going to clear the common room," said Rachel, explaining her plan. "Since you're going to be doing things that we don't want to explain to other people, it will have to be just you and Helen."
"Okay," I agreed. "Yesterday it was explained that there was someone in year two that was an expert in network communications. I will need to get the computer terminal patched and that person will probably be quicker than I'll be."
"Ingrid, this is Rachel. We have a large problem and need your help immediately in the year one common room. Bring your network gear as soon as possible and please keep this between you and Fran."
I went into the common room. Jill was still a bubbling mess. Helen was comforting as best as she could and Emma was trying to help but wasn't succeeding much.
"I need to talk privately with Jill. Would you all be kind enough to visit the library? Helen, can you stay as Jill doesn't want to let go?"
"Will you let us know that she is okay?" asked Emma.
"I will send you all a message later," confirmed Rachel as they disappeared out of the door.
A few moments later, there was a knock and I let in Ingrid. "I need to track down Julia," I explained quietly so Jill wouldn't hear. "However, it looks like Julia has patched herself into the hacking network. I need to gain access to that network to get a message to her. Can you patch this terminal into that network?"
"I take it you're David?" she said with a grin. "What a start you're having."
Ingrid removed some panels and pulled out a special network lead from the case she brought with her. "The hacking network has the network wires twisted so you can't connect to the network by accident," she explained as she worked. She then pulled out her PDA, "The switch is computer controlled so we have to pass into the switch and redirect to a different virtual LAN so you can connect through the router."
A few clicks later and she was finished. "I hope you're good at this. Julia knows lots of tricks, so you aren't going to have an easy job."
"Nothing like filling me with confidence," I lamented. "I'll give you a shout when I'm finished. Julia is going to kill me for this anyway and I don't want to muck up her network by attempting to undo your magic."
Ingrid left and all that were left in the room was Helen, who was holding Jill, Rachel and me. I tried to shut out what Rachel was saying to Jill as I made my first forage into the network. After twenty minutes, I was sweating. I understood the system I was on, but the defences were difficult to penetrate. I needed a lower level of access so I could hop onto Julia's protected PDA and display a message.
So far, I'd tried to be sneaky so not to worry Julia but that wasn't getting me anywhere. I decided to rattle one of the defences to see Julia's reaction. Her reaction was swift but I saw what she'd done. It gave me a method of bypassing certain checks. Ten minutes later, I had the message "Julia emergency. Contact Rachel, Helen or David urgently" displayed on the console. I even caused the PDA to vibrate and chirp just for added effect. Okay, I was showing off.
Three seconds later Rachel's PDA rang. Rachel moved away from Jill towards me so Jill wouldn't hear the conversation. "Julia, Jill decided to tell the year one students about how she became Jill. She broke down when she discussed Carol's death. Please don't come in but wait outside the door. I have Jill a bit calmer but if she sees you then she might get worse again. Did Anna help her in January? She did? Okay, we will need to see Quentin."
"Jill, I need to sort some things out for you. I'll be back in a few minutes. Helen will stay with you. David, can you come with me please."
I looked at Helen who nodded, so I followed Rachel out of the door.
"Rachel," I asked as we waited for Julia to appear. "Why are you keeping Helen and me in the loop on this?"
"Students help each other. Jill trusts Helen enough to be held and Jill trusts you enough to tell you things that she hasn't told anyone else."
Just then, Julia arrived and straight away, she asked, "Tell me what we can do about Jill?"
"I recommend that we get Anna down here. Will her parents mind?"
"Well George, Anna's father, knows I help out here. He knows the public face of the school but isn't aware of the nature of the field trips."
"Jill knows more though," I interrupted. "She indicated she knew that students were isolated from families, not till they were eighteen, but forever. I asked her why she wasn't a student at Hayfield Hall and she said because she would have to bring Anna and the separation for Anna's parents would be too much."
"Let's go and see Mr Hobson and see if Jill and Anna can stay till Jill is a bit better," suggested Rachel to Julia. "I'll keep what you said David, to myself. Jill has enough to worry about right now and I think if she was going to tell anyone she would have spilled the beans by now."
"I'll get Ingrid back so we can restore the common room back to normal," I offered which Rachel and Julia readily accepted.
Ingrid had just finished restoring the normal network connections and I was walking out of the door when Rachel and Julia appeared. "Well done you two," said Julia. "I want a full report from both of you in my email account by tomorrow morning at ten. I want to know how you did it and why you did what you did."
"Yes Julia," we both agreed.
"So what's happening?" I asked as Ingrid disappeared.
"Anna will be here in twenty minutes. Looking at the maps the A5 looks to be clear, so it shouldn't take as long as it usually does."
"Can Jill and Anna leave when Jill is better?"
"They shouldn't see anything unusual apart from a very well equipped school. Therefore, there shouldn't be any trouble there. Jill has been coming here for months."
"Jill is still going to be upset," I surmised.
"Yes," agreed Rachel. "She probably is."
I went back into the study to spend time with Helen and Jill. I didn't mention what was happening and they didn't ask. We just sat, hugged, and cried together. After fifteen minutes, I excused myself.
I saw Rachel and Julia by the front hall. "Security has just let the car in through the gates," said Julia.
"Does Anna know about the school?" I asked.
"No, she doesn't even know the public part," replied Julia. "I told George not to tell her. It is something we will do ourselves, or rather something that you will tell her. It's best coming from the students."
"No wonder that even the year two students seem mature," I laughed.
"Taking personal responsibility is very important. It doesn't mean that you lose your childhood, but it helps you see yourself as who you want to be and not who other people want you to be."
We heard the sound of a car approaching and soon a car drew up outside the school. George hopped out of the car, looked around and shook his head in wonder at the site of the school.
"Some place," George said, approaching Julia.
"I hope you don't mind if I don't invite you inside," said Julia. "We had new students start yesterday and some are quite skittish."
"I'm sure they are," he replied. "Will Anna be safe here?"
"Of course," Julia replied. "The students aren't dangerous. Some just have issues to overcome, like I did and Jill did. Jill and I weren't dangerous, were we?"
"No," he agreed.
"George, let me introduce you to Rachel. She is the lead psychiatrist here. She has been trying to help Jill after Jill suddenly decided to tell her story to the other students. She got as far as Carol's death when it became too much."
"Anna certainly helped Jill last time," mused George. "Well she was Bill then, but they are the same person."
George returned to his car and started to remove Anna's suitcase. "Anna won't need that," explained Rachel. "We provide all the clothes for the children."
"But Anna isn't a student here," George said.
"True, but it will help her fit in if she has similar style clothes to the other students."
"Okay," he said, putting the suitcase back. He opened Anna's door and she climbed out.
"Where is she?" Anna asked Julia.
"David, one of our new students, will take you to her," said Rachel. "Say bye to your Dad."
After Anna gave her Dad a quick kiss on his cheek, she followed me into the school. Anna gasped when she saw the décor. It certainly wasn't what she had expected.
"What is this place?" she asked in awe at the sight of the expensive paintings hung on the wall.
"Hayfield Hall," I replied with a grin. "It's a school for children who have difficulty fitting in at school, which affects their education. Some of the students are transsexuals, others not. Now what happens here is not to be discussed outside of this school. Your Dad is aware of some of what I just told you. However, he is not aware of some of the methods of the school. What you see and do in this school must never be discussed with anyone outside the school. Jill knows some of it but not all."
"Okay," she said. "I'm used to transsexuals, due to knowing Jill and Julia. I won't discuss the school with anyone, not even Jill."
"Students are paired with a compatible student. They are study partners and are there for each other in all circumstances. Study partners have adjoining rooms and it isn't unknown for them to fall asleep in the same room if they are emotionally distressed. That isn't a problem as long as you both keep on your underwear. Now Jill is very distressed, so nobody here is going to mind. Jill is your study partner and there are no secrets between study partners for anything, so anything you see at the school you can discuss with her."
"It sounds a very liberal school," commented Anna. "I thought the school I go to was great for allowing Jill, but this makes my school look bigoted."
"It is like this due to necessity. Many students, me included, didn't actually live their lives before coming here, we just existed. We need the freedom to be able to live and to decide who or what we want to be. There is a lot more to this school, which I can't tell you. I think Jill knows more than she should and will try to shield you from that. She is going to be very upset to see you here, so be warned."
I opened the door to the common room and I walked in followed by Anna. When Anna saw Jill crying in Helen's arms, she rushed across to her. Helen was about to let go of Jill when I shook my head.
"Anna," cried Jill when she saw her. "What are you doing here? You can't stay here. You must go immediately."
"Anna is going to stay with you," I said firmly as Jill struggled in Helen's strong arms. "You need her. She is your study partner. Anyway, you're not a fulltime student here and you can both go home when you've got yourself sorted."
Anna approached Jill and Helen released her grip. Anna cuddled with Jill on the settee while Helen sat next to me on the settee opposite. Jill started to calm down. The effect that Anna had was astounding. You could see that they were not just study partners but that was something I was not going to mention.
"The lady with Julia said you were new," commented Anna as she stroked Jill's face. "I thought you'd be breaking up for the summer holidays and going home to your families. We finish this week."
Helen shuddered a bit and I put my arm round her. "Jill will explain," I said.
"Helen, David and six other students arrived yesterday. They live here full time and don't go home to their families."
"So when will they see them again," she asked.
"When they're eighteen," lied Jill.
"Jill," I warned. "You have to be one hundred percent truthful with Anna. I know that you know more than you're supposed to."
Jill looked at me with daggers and then nodded as she thought about the situation. "They will never see their families again."
I felt Helen shudder in my arms and I could tell she was near breakdown.
"Why?" asked Anna. It was a simple question and not one that I was going to answer.
Jill opened her mouth and I quickly interjected, "If you and Jill don't want to be a student here, then don't ask that question."
Jill closed her mouth and then mouthed, "Thank you."
"It isn't something you discuss with other students," I said. "Year one students aren't told this information till later on. Helen and I know because I'm too observant and guessed certain things. I was reluctant to tell Helen because I knew she was close to her family but Rachel told me about sharing and it worked out for the best."
Helen and I suddenly heard a "ting" from our PDA's. There was an urgent message to all students': "Six months ago Jill's mother was killed when a drunk driver crashed into her car. Jill was with her mother when she died. Jill has bottled up her emotions and not discussed her feelings with anyone. Tonight she talked about it for the first time and broke down. Since Jill has given so much to this school by playing in the orchestra, we decided it would be best for her to stay here where there is professional help. Jill will be staying with a girl called Anna who is the best person to help her over these issues. Jill and Anna will be here a few days."
"Rachel has just informed the students of you staying here for a few days," said Helen.
"Rachel was the lady with Julia," I said seeing Anna's puzzled face.
"Do all students have PDA's?" asked Anna, her eyes wide open.
"Yes," I replied, not telling her of some of the other facilities. There was no point in making her jealous or wanting to stay.
"Rachel is organising a pair of rooms for you."
We chatted quietly for a few minutes, when there was a knock on the door. Helen got up and let Rachel in.
"Well you certainly look better," smiled Rachel at Jill. "Do you want to chat some more tonight or start tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow please," begged Jill. "I don't think I could cope with more emotional upheaval."
"David and Helen will show you your room and make sure your okay. They will collect you in the morning and after breakfast, show you to my office. Both of the rooms are fully equipped with clothes in the correct sizes."
"How do you know my sizes?" asked Anna.
"There was talk about allowing ten students instead of eight. We even have a table that can seat twelve," was all Rachel would say before leaving us.
I pulled out my PDA and sure enough, there were two rooms marked for Jill and Anna. As we walked down the corridors to the bedrooms, we were as quiet as we could be so not to disturb anyone trying to sleep.
"This is your room Jill," I said opening the door. "If we all go in here then Helen and I can explain things. Anna can get to her room from yours."
As they looked around Jill looked in the wardrobe, "Oh my god!" she exclaimed and then covered up her mouth. "There has got to be some mistake."
"Boys clothes on the left, androgynous clothes at the back and female on the right," Helen said.
Anna just gapped. "Are all rooms like this?" she asked.
"Yes."
Inside the bathroom was a black bag. "It looks like the clothing rules apply for our guests," I said, showing her the bag.
"Okay Jill and Anna, this is going to sound real strange. During your short stay, you are only allowed to wear clothes that are provided. That includes underwear. You must put your clothes and jewellery in the black bag and deposit it down the chute."
"Okay," said a worn out Jill. Anna was in too bewildered to comment.
"Oh and before we leave you we are just opposite you. My door is just opposite Jill's. Helen's door is just opposite Anna's. We will come by tomorrow morning at about seven to make sure you're okay."
I followed Helen into my room and collapsed on to the bed. I was exhausted.
"I hope this place calms down," said Helen as she walked into her room. "I can't cope with many more days like this."
"I recon this is nothing compared to when we go on a field trip," I answered, getting off the bed to clean my teeth.
"Yours or mine?" I asked, hoping that Helen would understand the question and not mind that I was asking.
"Yours," Helen answered. "I think you could do with a nice cuddle."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Drew Bond character has been used with kind permission of Maddy Bell
Part 6
I awoke, held close in Helen's warm comforting arms. Her heart was gently beating, as she slept through the alarm. I tried to move out of her strong arms without disturbing her but I failed.
"Hi," she said, releasing her grip.
I turned round and saw her radiant face. Her smile lit up my heart and I started to get the same problem as yesterday.
"Hi, to you too," I said, trying but failing to think pure thoughts.
"Are you okay," she said as she saw my face.
"I think so," I replied, my face crumpling. "Oh, I'm not okay, I'm so sorry."
"What's wrong?" asked Helen, reaching out to me.
"I need to take a shower," I replied, mortified at my incapacity to control myself.
"Ah yes," said Helen. "We do need to get ourselves ready. We're meeting Jill and Anna in thirty minutes."
Helen clambered out of bed and disappeared through the connecting door into her room, leaving me alone in bed. Grateful that she didn't see my embarrassing situation, I climbed out of the bed and went to shower.
As I showered, I thought back to last night's revelation by Jill. I still didn't understand how she knew that she wanted to live as a girl. I hope she eventually feels up to telling me what happened after her mother died.
At seven, Helen and I knocked on Anna's door. She and Jill didn't look very well slept. "How long did you stay up chatting about things?" I asked.
"Till gone three," said Anna, stifling a yawn.
"I hope Rachel doesn't mind that I didn't talk to her about it last night," said Jill, slightly worried. "I just wanted to sleep but I couldn't. Things that I hadn't said, or even thought about, came up"
"I wouldn't worry," I said, giving Jill a hug. "Why do you think Anna was here? She is someone you know and someone you trust. Do you think you'll find it easier to talk with Rachel, now that you've talked things through with Anna?"
"I hope so," replied Jill, perking up a bit.
"The clothes seem to fit you both really well," commented Helen.
"Yes," replied Anna. "I normally struggle to find good fitting clothes. I don't know where they got these ones from, but it's like they were made for me."
I exchanged a glance with Helen and I made a mental note to ask Rachel more questions.
"Do you need to let Erika know that you're here?" I asked, thinking back to Jill's chat last night.
"Erika's Dad got transferred back to America a few months ago, so Erika had to move again," Anna explained. "The American company isn't doing very well and they were hoping that he'd be able to repeat the success he had with the English division."
"There's a little time for breakfast," said Helen, rapidly changing the subject. "Jill, you met the year one students yesterday and they are quite worried about you. Do you think you'll be up to showing your face in the common room, before breakfast? Just to let them know that you're okay."
Jill stood there, unsure if she could do it. "I'll be with you," reassured Anna, putting her arm round Jill. "You'll be on the same table for meals anyway."
"That's true," admitted Jill. "Let's go."
As we went out, I noticed Helen click a few things on her PDA. "They'll all be there in a few minutes," whispered Helen to me as I shut Anna's door.
"Why don't I show you where Rachel's office is?" I offered. "We don't want you getting lost."
"How do you know where everything is?" asked Jill.
"Our PDA's have complete maps," I explained. "I can also ask it to direct me somewhere."
Since we had gone the long way to the year one common room, the other six students where all there. As Jill went through the door, they all surged towards her.
"Give her space," Helen ordered, shooing them back.
"Are you feeling better?" Emma asked Jill.
"I little," answered Jill, sitting down. "Thank you all for being so understanding. Last night was the first time I've been able to talk about some of the things that happened. Months of repressed emotions suddenly surfaced which I couldn't deal with. Now that I'm starting to deal with things, hopefully that won't happen again."
"Jill has some sessions with Rachel this morning," I explained. "Until it's known that Jill is over the worst, she will be staying as a guest. Now, let me introduce you to Anna. You know of Anna, from what Jill told you last night. Anna will be staying with Jill to help comfort her if it all gets too much. Now Anna, let me introduce you to this lot. We have Emma, Paula, Brian, Lewis, Richard and Sam."
"Hi all," said Anna giving a small smile. "You must all be very special for Jill to tell you what she did. She hasn't talked about her mother's death since it occurred. Thank you for being there for her."
"It's breakfast time," announced Lewis. I'm sure that boy never stops eating. I know we are all growing children but he's always hungry.
The ten-seat table had been replaced with a twelve-seat version, so there was enough room for everyone. We sat down, waiting for the bell to ring. Before it did, I noticed Stacy rise. Others must have noticed, as the room suddenly fell quiet. "We'd all like to welcome Anna as a guest at this school. Thank you for being here for Jill."
The whole school, including year one, rose to their feet and applauded Anna, who went bright red. Jill smiled remembering the day, months ago, that she had the school welcome.
"Okay, enough," said Mr Hobson from the year five table. The bell rang and Helen and I went to get any cooked breakfasts.
During the breakfast, Tracy chatted away with all of us. Her questions didn't seem to be as probing as Dan's had during yesterday's breakfast. The conversation generally centred on yesterday's orchestra practice and the pieces we were learning.
"David and Helen," said Tracy, leaning across the table. "Mrs Russell is aware that you will be late for music, so there is no need to worry."
"Thanks Tracy," I replied.
"Welfare of students always comes first," she replied. "I've not heard much about what happened last night, but Rachel said you did the right thing. Well done."
I looked across at Helen; we were both blushing. "I don't think that I did anything different from anyone else," I said.
"Nor me," agreed Helen.
"You all did well," agreed Tracy.
After breakfast, we had five minutes before lessons started. After a hail of good lucks, Helen and I took our guests to Rachel's office. We had shown Jill and Anna where it was but we had promised Rachel we would escort them. I know that Jill was trusted much more than other guests were. Anna was an unknown, so the school probably didn't like them being allowed to roam the school just in case they saw something that they shouldn't.
When Helen and I left Rachel's office, we had missed a few minutes of Music. Mrs Russell dissected the three works we were given yesterday, trying to get us to understand what she wanted portrayed. "We will rehearse these pieces till next week," said Mrs Russell. "Next Wednesday you will be given three new ones to learn. Giving us a nice flexible repertoire for any concerts we might give."
"We give concerts?" asked Paula.
"Oh yes," replied Mrs Russell. "Our field trips involve giving concerts in foreign countries. It is good practice for you to play in top class venues. This school is virtually unknown in England but in some countries Hayfield Hall Music School is renowned for its top class performances."
I almost choked when Mrs Russell referred to us as a music school. I suppose that was the impression that they gave to the countries that we played in.
"How many field trips are planned?" I asked innocently.
"I believe two are planned for the next twelve months. One is to France, which is why you are busy learning French. The next one I know is booked but I haven't been told the destination yet."
Next were computer studies, which is my favourite subject. "You all probably know by now who I am. Most teachers prefer you to refer to them as Mr so-in-so or Mrs so-in-so. I don't feel that is appropriate when it's just students. So during lessons please call me Julia. However, if we are on field trips then it is Ms Toms."
This lesson I found quite basic as I was already well past many of the topics being discussed. However, Julia was well prepared for that and I was roped into assisting if any of the other seven had queries. During none practical parts of the class, Julia had assigned me extra self-learning exercises.
At eleven, some had study period; I had my specialization lesson. Helen had self-study. This was the first time since we had arrived in the school that we had been separated. After the fifteen-minute break, Helen walked me to the room shown on the PDA. "Have fun," she said giving me a heart-stopping kiss full on my lips.
I walked into the classroom, my eyes slightly glazed over. Julia who was waiting steered me to the desk I would be working on.
"When you've recovered," she said with a small grin, "let's discuss your little hacking last night. I've read your report and there are places where we both could have done better. So let's go through it in more detail."
The next half an hour was spent talking about last night and what I might have done. Julia was very humble and we also looked at things she could have done better. "You managed to penetrate the system which was good. However, you alerted me to your actions, which wasn't."
"Therefore, there are two pieces of homework. The first is to improve your stealth skills; the second is to start researching other systems, which so far you haven't experienced. You will find tonight a list of required reading. I also expect you to read around the systems, so you have a wider knowledge of them. Once you have reached a certain level of knowledge, I'll let you loose on that type of system."
As the lesson ended I asked, "How do you manage to get so much time off work, to help here?"
Julia smiled, "The American division isn't doing very well and was offered a good price to sell its UK division. Yesterday the UK division was taken over and there were two IT directors; I lost out."
"So does that mean that you will be working here fulltime?"
"Yes, so there is no chance of you slacking and getting away with things like last years students," teased Julia. "Now, why don't we finish ten minutes early as I believe you're going to collect Jill from Rachel's office. Please pass this warning on to Helen; I don't think Jill is going to be in a happy mood."
So it was with trepidation that Helen and I went to collect Jill and Anna. Just as Julia had predicted, Jill was not a happy girl. Anna just looked pensive. When Julia had said Jill wouldn't be happy I expected tears, but that wasn't the case. Jill was angry, tinged with a mixture of worry and concern.
"What's wrong Jill?" I asked, as we walked down the stairs.
Jill just shook her head, muttering to herself.
"Let's find a bench outside," suggested Helen. "We have a few minutes before lunch."
Outside we found a secluded bench and sat down. "Anna, since Jill is upset can you explain what has upset her?"
"The school offered Jill a fulltime student position. If she accepts then I can join her. Academically it would be good for both of us. However, Jill has worries about us losing contact with our families. She is in a unique position in that she would still see Julia, but she worries about not seeing Beth."
"Beth's her sister?" asked Helen, trying to remember what Jill had said the previous night.
"Yes," confirmed Anna, as Jill sat there stewing. "Beth was in a coma after the accident and Jill was devastated, not just at the loss of her mother but not knowing if Beth would survive. Since Beth woke up, they have been very close ever since."
"I can't leave Beth," said Jill adamantly, "and I can't ask Anna to leave her parents. Her parents would never forgive me or Julia, if they never saw their only daughter again."
"So refuse," I said simply. "Turn down their offer."
"I already have," said Jill. "However, it still upsets me that they made the offer. They knew I would never accept."
With Jill calming down, we ventured in for lunch. As we ate, Tracy could sense the tension emanating from Jill and made sure the conversation stayed on neutral subjects.
As the meal ended, Jill was a lot more herself. Anna however, was still tense. The question "Are you stopping tonight?" from Paula made me worry about how Jill would react but I needn't have worried.
"No," she replied. "Rachel has deemed me stable enough to go home. However, I know I've a long way to go. I haven't been dealing with Mum's death so I have a lot to think about. I'll be back for tomorrow's orchestra practice, so you can't get away from me that easily."
"I won't be here for that," said Anna. "You've been really good to both Jill and me. Thank you all."
"How are you getting back?" asked Richard.
"Julia will take us home," Jill replied. "However, she has a lesson to teach first."
"After lunch, year one have language studies, which at the moment is French," said Tracy, looking at her PDA. "Let me check to see if it is okay if you join them while you wait for your ride back."
A minute later, it was all confirmed. Jill and Anna would join us for French.
When we walked into the classroom the first thing I noticed was the additional desk and chairs. Whoever the school caretakers were, they were efficient. It had been less than ten minutes since Tracy had arranged it.
"You must be Anna," said Mrs King. "Quand tu étais petite, il me semble que tu as vécu en France pendant un an. Comment est ton Français?"
"Je me débrouille", replied Helen. "On restait dans un gá®te la plupart des années, alors ça m'aide a pas perdre ce que j'ai appris."
"Not bad," said Mrs King reverting to English, "and your accent doesn't sound very English."
Brian was good at languages and spoke French much better than the other students in year one. Anna however, had the advantage that she had lived and holidayed there. As the lesson progressed, I began to wonder if the school was inviting Jill to be a student so they could get Anna's language skills. I'm sure it is inconvenient for the school having Jill as a guest, as it must restrict some of the things said or done. So perhaps I'm being unfair.
After French, it was time to say goodbye to Anna and Jill. Jill would be back tomorrow evening for orchestra practice. As we left the room, Helen's PDA beeped.
"Julia has sent a note," said Helen, peering at her PDA. "Jill and Anna's clothes are waiting for them in their rooms. Once they are changed, we are to take them to the car park, where Julia should be waiting."
"What about the next class?" I asked, hoping it had been cancelled. I'd always hated PE at my previous school and hoped that we might not have it here.
"It looks like it has been delayed by twenty minutes," Helen replied, looking at their schedules.
It only took Anna and Jill ten minutes to get changed back into their clothes they had come to the school the previous day. Anna had back on her earrings that she'd worn when she had arrived.
"They even washed them for us," grinned Anna, as we walked down to the car.
"It was nice meeting you," I said, giving Anna a farewell hug. "Take care of Jill."
"I will," she said, "and it was nice meeting you as well."
Helen said her goodbyes to Anna. There was no point in saying to much to Jill, as we would see her tomorrow.
"Take care," I said to Jill, as she climbed into the car. "See you tomorrow."
With them both safely in the car, Julia drove slowly down the drive and disappeared into the distance. As we walked back, I noticed that most students appeared to have watched Jill and Anna's departure from upstairs windows. It had certainly been an interesting twenty-four hours.
Once back inside, I noticed it was nearly time for PE and slowed down. Helen immediately noticed this and said, "I know you didn't like PE. However, nothing in this school was like our old school. I bet they do PE differently as well. With only eight of us, we aren't going to play many competitive sports. Anyway we were told to go to one of the classrooms and not the sports area."
"That's true," I said perking up a bit. "I'll make an effort."
Before we could get to class, we bumped into Rachel. "You both did very well," said Rachel. This comment gave me a nice warm glow inside. It was the kind of comment that I'd never got at my previous school, or from my parents.
"So will Jill be okay?" I asked.
"Well, talking about her mother is a good first step," explained Rachel. "However, it just moves her forward to talking about Dr Patel. It is very important that she talks about that."
"Who is Dr Patel?" asked Helen.
"Dr Patel was a specialist who Bill was sent to see to try and cure him of his medical problem. This was before Bill had told his father about wanting to be Jill. However, I'm not going to say anymore as that should come from Jill. Now hadn't you better get to your next class?"
Just as we were about to leave, a warning siren sounded. The sound wasn't deafening but it certainly grabbed my attention.
Rachel had her PDA out before I could ask what was going on. "Look," she barked into it. "It is just a pair of panties. Override and let it go. I'll get Julia to bring them back tomorrow. Just don't send a security team there or we'll just have a lot more explaining to do."
A few seconds later, the sirens stopped and the tranquillity of the building was restored.
"What was that," I gaped, trying to come to terms with what had just happened.
"Oh, that was security," said Rachel, as if it explained everything. "Weren't you off to your class?"
"Ah great, you're here," said Mr Yates as we entered the room. With all the looking after our guests, we were often late.
"Sorry," Helen and I said together, as we sat down.
"No need," he said with a grin. "It was understood that you were escorting our guests. Look, some of you might have had this talk, some might not, but here is my take on things. Hayfield Hall is setup to help you get the best education possible. The tests you took indicated that this school would be able to help you. Some of you will encounter stressful situations, which might cause you grief, which is why you are in pairs. You also have the backup of the support team. The health of the students is the top priority in this school, then education, then other things. Jill stayed as a guest due to having a breakdown over her mother's death. It is understood those issue come first and you might be late for lessons, or even have to miss them. If there is an issue like that, just make sure someone is aware or someone might worry about you. Does that make sense?"
All eight of us nodded away.
"Good," said Mr Yates. "I 'm aware that some of you probably found sport and PE difficult subjects. However, you all require some exercise and we do have to conform to certain rules laid down by the Department of Education."
There was slight mutterings of dissatisfaction as we realised that we would have to do PE. My thoughts drifted back to a few weeks ago, where I was always the last one picked. The teasing I'd get about how I threw a cricket ball still haunted my memories.
"Hayfield Hall is situated on quite a large plot of land and we have created and marked certain routes for running or cycling," continued Mr Yates. "If you decide to cycle or run, it is up to you. However, the cycle tracks aren't that wide, so I don't care if there are any budding Drew Bond's, there will be no racing."
I saw some of the others in the class start to get excited about not having competitive sports. Lewis, however, looked slightly disappointed.
"The running or cycling is scheduled to be done before breakfast, at least three mornings a week. Which mornings you exercise is up to you."
"So what do we do in these lessons?" queried a puzzled Sam.
"I was just coming on to that. Now sports are there, not just to keep you fit, but also to instil some discipline. As there aren't enough of you for most team sports, we have opted for something a bit different. You will learn two other sports; archery and shooting."
"Shooting?" queried Helen.
"Yes, you might have seen 50m three position rifle shooting at last years Olympics," said Mr Yates. "You keep fit with either running or cycling, and learn discipline through shooting and archery. Both shooting and archery are very skilled sports which I know will be difficult at first, but you all have the aptitude to meet the challenge."
"Do we learn just rifle shooting then, or do we get the chance to try pistols as well?" I asked.
Mr Yates stared at me for a second and I wondered if I'd gaffed again. "If you become proficient with rifles, then it is up to you if you wish to take on that extra challenge. Now let me show you were the bicycles are stored."
We all followed Mr Yates out of the school building and down a path to a locked building. "Your thumbprint will open the door," explained Mr Yates. "You have all got a bicycle assigned to you, again they unlock from their rack by your thumbprint."
Inside were forty racked bikes, all shiny and gleaming. On the handlebar was a holder to put on our PDA's which would guide us round the tracks. I scanned down the list of bikes till I found mine. I extracted it from the rack and sat on it. The seat was just at the right height for me. As with everything in the school, it looked like things had been well thought about.
"Rack up your bicycles," asked Mr Yates. "I will show you to the shooting range."
We walked back to the main building where we got into a minibus. Emma looked like she was itching to drive but reluctantly sat in the back with the rest of us.
"I might be ready by next week," confessed Emma. "My driving was good from driving most days on the farm. However, there are certain things that you don't learn there which I need to perfect. I could drive safely but not good enough to pass my driving test. They won't let me drive till I'm good enough to pass the test. Even though I can't take it till I'm seventeen."
"Don't you need some real road driving?" asked Richard.
"Yes, though they have a track where they can train me. They have older years driving other cars, which makes it like a busy road," confirmed Emma.
A few minutes later, the minibus drew up outside a concrete monstrosity that looked out of place in such tranquil grounds. I looked towards the main house but couldn't see it due to a thicket of trees. In fact, the building looked like it was situated so that it wasn't visible from any of the tracks that went nearby. For its very long length, this building was, ingeniously positioned indeed.
"Only authorised teachers can open the main door," explained Mr Yates, as he unlocked the building. "Students are not allowed here unsupervised, during your lesson I will operate as the Range Officer. For your safety, it is important that you immediately obey any command to stop firing. We also have lights within the firing range; if they are red then you must not shoot. We don't want any accidents so obeying these simple rules are very important. During shooting you must wear ear and eye protection."
"What are the three positions?" asked Sam.
"Prone, standing and kneeling," responded Mr Yates.
"Prone?" I queried.
"Lying down on your front," explained Mr Yates.
"What about the archery?" Richard asked, as we pilled into minibus, after a detailed lesson about rifle management. We hadn't even got a chance to fire a rifle.
"You have two lessons with me a week," responded Mr Yates. "We will concentrate of your rifle work in both lessons. When you all reach a certain level of competency, then we will change to one lesson of archery and one of shooting."
When we arrived back to the main building, we had a few hours before the evening meal. There were several things we could do, including homework, but none of us could be bothered to do that right now. We picked one of the games that was on the system and worked out that we could play a multi person game with the big sixty-inch screen split for each player. Each user didn't have much of a screen size but the game certainly had added fun as we could see where each other was!
After about fifteen minutes of exhausting play, we suddenly found extra characters attacking us. After a little investigation, it appeared that year two had seen we were playing and decided to add themselves into our game. The game changed from the year one student's attacking each other, to year one against year two. I don't know if it was just that they were more used to the game, or they had better team skills, but we lost heavily.
By the time the evening meal was ready, we were all laughing and joking together. During the last few hours, we had learnt more about each other, than in the previous two days. True we didn't know each others pasts, but we were certainly more aware of each others personalities. We weren't just acquaintances; we were on the way to being friends.
"Okay, everyone," called Mr Hobson. "I want to thank you all for your support of Anna and Jill during their stay as guests. Jill still has a way to go, but we hope that we won't see another breakdown like that. Now that Anna has gone, I'd like to announce that next Monday will be a 'Mix-up Monday'."
All of us on the year one table just looked at each other in wonder as the rest of the years started chattering to each other in an excited way.
"For the benefit of the year one students, let me explain," called Mr Hobson over the noise. "On Monday we will run a Mix-up day. All students that are currently living as male will dress and act as females. All students that live as females will dress and act as males. Anyone that is presenting themselves as androgynous will wear male clothes in the morning and female clothes in the afternoon. All students will attempt to be androgynous after orchestra practice till bed."
Our table fell deathly silent. The only one who didn't look ill was Helen. In fact, she looked positively excited. At first, I thought that Emma was going to actually throw up. Paula, who was looking slightly less ill, put an arm around her to provide comfort. The noise from the other tables grew again. You could feel their excitement radiating around the room, which was totally opposite to our terrified silence.
The bell rang to collect the meals and there were seven groans from our table about eating. How could anyone want to eat at a time like this? I'm glad that we were told before we'd eaten as I'm sure that Emma would have actually been sick if she had something in her stomach. I pushed my food around my plate, not feeling very hungry. The only two people on the table that were eating much were Helen and Tracy.
"Look," said Tracy as she swallowed the last morsel of food on her plate. "Everyone at the school has crossed dressed. The older years do it for two reasons, one as a show of support to you, and two, to remind them that there is another side to every person. From year three upwards, it becomes a sort of competition of who can be the most passable. They are comfortable with who they are, so the clothes don't matter to them."
"But they'll laugh at me," blurted out Richard. "I'll be a laughing stock."
This I understood, as I felt the same. How would anybody think that I could look and behave like a girl?
"What about people who have already decided to live in the opposite gender?" Lewis asked. "Are we exempt?"
"Not at all," replied Tracy. "I know it is going to be difficult for you to see the old you, so why don't you try to be different? You have short hair, so why not wear a wig that has a different colour and style than you used to have? Also, why don't you choose a different name, so you become someone you weren't before?"
Brian, who was sitting next to Lewis put his arm around him and said, "Don't worry. I'll help you and I'll definitely need your help!"
All but Emma cracked off laughing and the mood lightened a bit. I decided to try to eat some of the delicious meal before pudding. Emma just sat there shaking her head.
"Emma, after the meal why don't we discuss things quietly in my office?" offered Tracy. Emma sullenly nodded her head in acceptance.
"I'll help you," said Helen, earnestly to me, as we walked out of the dining room.
"I know that," I sighed.
"Do you want to try later?" she eagerly asked.
"Why don't we wait until Saturday? That way it won't interfere with school tomorrow."
"Okay," she responded, slightly disappointedly. "You do want my help, don't you?"
"Of course," I rapidly agreed, so not to hurt her feelings. "However, can we slow down a bit? This is all too much."
I steered us outside and we sat down on a bench in the warm, though cooling, summer evening. There were a few other students sitting around chatting, though not ones I'd got to know.
"I know you see me as a girl trapped in a boy's body," I said after a few minutes. "However, I don't think I feel the same. This dressing up is very worrying to me and I wonder if I should have come to this school."
"I miss my family," confessed Helen, calming down from her earlier excitement. "This school might be good for education, but I worry about what I've given up to be here."
As we sat and chatted, Helen started to get goose pimples on her bare arms. "Why don't you get a jumper?" I asked.
Helen must have liked that idea as she leaned across and gave me a quick kiss on my cheek, "I'll be back in a minute."
Helen bounded off towards the living quarters and I was left alone. The sun was now lower in the sky and the rays were filtering through the branches of the nearby trees making interesting images on the path. I sat there for a while, thinking about the school and the people here. I'd never been to a school like this before, there appeared to be little conflict. The students wanted to learn and the teaching was excellent. Most of all, the music bound the school like a fine mesh. The looks of satisfaction and passion all the student's faces showed during yesterdays orchestra practice was something that I wouldn't forget in a hurry.
While I waited for Helen to return, I decided to investigate some of this area. I'd only been out here once before and that was at lunchtime today. I followed the outside of the school and came across what looked like a secluded courtyard. As I approached I heard voices and paused, so not to be seen. These two people shouldn't be together.
"I thought you were told we shouldn't talk till I'd settled in," stated Richard.
"I know," replied Wendy, "but this couldn't wait."
"Why? Not that I'm not pleased to see my sister."
"After Monday it will be too late," replied Wendy earnestly. "You must leave the school tonight."
"Leave the school? Why? It is a good school. I haven't been picked on, students want to learn and that orchestra practice yesterday. I've never experienced anything so," Richard's voice trailed off as he tried to find the words. "So warming to the heart, so soul satisfying."
"I know," said Wendy sadly. "Perhaps it's too late already."
"If the school is so bad then why don't you leave?"
"I can't," she replied, her voice sounding more depressed.
"Why not? If the school is as bad as you make out then why don't you leave?"
"I'm hooked to the school. If I leave the school then I will lose access to the hormones I'm on. I'm also scheduled to have my sex change before leaving the school. I've travelled too far to leave. Can you now see why you have to leave before Monday?"
"Are your breasts real?" asked Richard in amazement.
"About fifty percent."
"Where will I go? The school is going to get into trouble if I leave. They are responsible for me."
"I'll let you know where to go. Just promise me one thing. Never mention the school to anyone. If you do, then the school might have to close and then what would happen to me? Dad would kill me if he knew that I was no longer his son. He was bad enough when he thought I was gay."
"Okay, Wendy," reluctantly agreed Richard. "You were always right when I was younger. Just tell me what I need to do."
I moved away in total shock, wondering what I should do. I couldn't snitch on Richard and Wendy, but all hell would break loose if he ran away. I also couldn't tell Helen as she would immediately tell Rachel and I couldn't let that happen. Richard needed to sort things out for himself. I walked back and when I saw Helen come out of the door, I forgot all about Richard.
We sat back on the same bench and discussed our French lesson. Languages had never been my hottest subject but, like other subjects, it magically seemed easier here. We tried to hold a conversation in French but failed miserably. We walked inside, laughing at how silly our French conversation must have sounded. It was nearly curfew time as we made our way towards the sleeping quarters. As we approached our room, we saw Richard and Sam just ahead.
"I need to speak with Richard privately," I informed Helen, as I increased my pace.
"Oh?"
"Please don't ask," I pleaded. "I just want to stop Richard doing something he might later regret and Sam doesn't know either."
I could see that Helen wanted to continue this conversation but we had reached Richard and Sam. "Hi, you two," I said pleasantly.
"You missed a great film," said Sam.
"Oh, which film was that?" asked Helen, taking Sam's arm and continued away from Richard.
I grabbed Richard and indicated that he should slow down. "Richard, don't do it."
"Do what?" he asked, fearfully looking around.
"That conversation that you didn't have with your sister. If you get caught, both of you will get into a whole bucket load of trouble."
Richard tore away from my grip and dashed past Sam into his room.
"What did you do?" asked Sam furiously.
"Nothing," I replied, trying to sound bewildered. "I don't understand what's wrong with him."
Sam went after Richard, leaving me alone with Helen. We walked in silence through the door into my bedroom. When the door was closed, Helen immediately asked, "Are you going to tell me what's happening?"
"Yes," I replied, trying not to look at her face, "but not now."
"Why not?" she replied, sounding very hurt.
"Because you'll do the right thing," I said, rubbing salt into the wound. "I'm trying to give Richard space to do the right thing. Right now, I'm hoping that he can be open with Sam. If not, all hell will break loose. All I ask is that you keep this to yourself."
What will be the impact of Helen's suggestion to Richard and more issues arise on the run up to Mix-up Monday.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 7
"What on earth," I said to myself as I was awoken to my PDA making a shrill noise. This was obviously an emergency noise to attract attention.
"What's going on?" asked Helen as she sat up in bed.
"Not sure," I said grabbing my PDA. "But I'll find out in a minute."
"What's going on Tracy? It's one in the morning."
"Richard has attempted to run away," said Tracy, her voice booming through the speaker. "Sam said you talked to him just before bed. While he is being retrieved, I'm trying to find out what made him run away."
"I didn't make him run away," I replied, trying to work out what I was going to say. Why didn't Richard listen to me? Maybe I should have told Sam to keep a closer watch on Richard. What a mess.
"Then what did you say to him?"
"I told him not to run away," I said quietly, waiting for the backlash from Tracy. None came. However, Helen hit me over the head with her pillow.
"Why didn't you tell me," hissed Helen. I put my finger to my lips to silence her.
"I take it that there were reasons why you didn't tell Rachel or me?"
"Yes," I replied simply, hoping Tracy wouldn't ask me to expand.
"Then the minimum you should have done was to tell Sam to keep a closer eye on the situation. The better move would have been to fully inform Sam, so Sam and Richard could discuss everything." There was a noise and she said, "Let me call you back."
"Tell me everything," demanded Helen. "You certainly avoided telling Tracy why Richard ran off."
"Please keep this to yourself," I pleaded. When she eventually nodded, I continued, "While you were getting a jumper I had a bit of a wander. I heard Richard talking to Wendy. Wendy told Richard to run away before Monday, which he promptly did. I warned Richard not to do it, but he didn't listen."
A minute later Tracy was back on the phone, "Richard has been retrieved and is on the way back to the school. He is safe and nothing bad has happened to him."
I breathed a sigh of relief, "What happens now?"
"Sam will meet him at the school entrance. We will just put it down to being new to the school and being frightened, so Richard won't be punished. However, Sam is now going to be upset that Richard ran away and I presume is going to stick a lot closer to ensuring that Richard doesn't try again. The school is responsible for Richard and that includes making sure he is safe. We can't do that if he's running around the countryside in the middle of the night."
"Hopefully there won't be a next time," I said feeling chastised. "However, if there is, I'll try harder."
"That's not what I'm saying," sighed Tracy. "You did what you thought was best. I'm just trying to show you other options that you might not have considered. Now go back to sleep."
Silence again engulfed the bedroom and I sat in bed staring at my PDA. How would I have felt if Richard had been hurt? What would Sam have done if I'd told him? Would that have driven a wedge between Richard and Wendy? So many consequences that I hadn't really thought about.
"Are you okay?" asked Helen, putting her comforting arms around me.
"I will be," I replied, very unsure of myself. "I should have told you earlier, I'm sorry."
"You were right though. I would have gone to Rachel and that would have caused a lot of trouble. Wendy is just doing what she thought was best for her brother. She knows Richard was close to his family and by staying will cause him upset like she has. However, I don't think she thought through the consequences of her brother running off."
"You were close to your family; very close. Do you wish you could run away from the school?"
"Sometimes," she confessed; her voice shaking as she tried not to think about her parents. "However, I have to balance that against what else we were told. I wish I could have both, but I know that isn't possible for some students and a sheer impossibility for students like us two."
I felt Helen's arm, which was still around me shake. For the first time since the telephone call, I looked at my rock; she was shaking like a flower in a winter storm. I gently took hold of her hand and led her from her bed to her settee. I sat her on my knee and gently rocked her in my arms. Eventually her tears and half-choked recriminations faded. Her emotions again in check, she wriggled off my lap and cuddled next to me. I wiggled my legs trying to revive their circulation.
* * *
"What now?" I asked myself, with as a beeping woke me up. No it wasn't the PDA, oh yes it was the alarm.
"Didn't you knock it off?" I moaned at Helen, as she stirred from her slumber.
"No," she replied surprised. "We'd agreed that we were going to try cycling today."
"I know, but I'd hoped that you'd changed your mind, after we got disturbed last night."
"Due to you not talking to me," she retorted. "Let's get it over with."
Cycling isn't something that I'd done for a few years. As I'd grown up, my parents couldn't afford to get me a larger bicycle, so since I was nine I relied on walking. It was therefore with trepidation that I set off on the gleaming new bike. For the first week there wasn't a fixed distance, so we chose a small circuit to get me back into the saddle.
When I got back, I was out of breath but didn't feel too bad. We went back to our rooms to shower and change. However, after breakfast I felt it. Relaxing during breakfast has caused my muscles to stiffen so I hobbled from the dining room. That will teach me not to cool down properly.
Richard had been at breakfast. Both Sam and Richard looked very tired and I presume they had been chatting till early in the morning. Wendy was also there and it looked like Yvonne was refusing to talk to her. As I hobbled out of the dining room, stuffed after a good hearty full-English breakfast, I managed to chat quietly with Richard and Sam.
"I'm glad you're okay," I said to Richard, ignoring the stare from Sam.
"Let's talk outside before lessons," he replied. Helen who had been watching joined Sam as we went outside.
"I should have listened to you," replied Richard. "However, I felt that I had to try and placate Wendy. Now I've tried to escape she won't ask again."
"You didn't want to go?" queried Helen.
"No," said Richard looking at Helen with amazement that she would even think that he would leave. "Would you want to leave this place? I'm not threatened daily. I don't have to watch my back and can concentrate on learning. I can eat my lunch without having to give my money to keep myself safe. Of course I don't want to leave. I took my PDA with me to make sure that the staff could track me. There has to be tracking points around the school or the PDA wouldn't be able to guide you to the correct destination."
"It was that bad?" queried Helen. "Why didn't the school do something?"
"According to the school, I was the source of the problem. If I was manlier, people wouldn't have bullied me. My form tutor just told me to ignore it and things would get better. It never did. I used to be okay at school until this last year, when things just got worse. My father was glad to see the back of me."
"Why?" asked a shocked Helen. "I was under the impression that you were a very close family."
"We were," replied Richard, being held by Sam. "My mother always supported me. My father did till about six months ago. That is when the bullying was at its peak and he was upset that I didn't do anything to protect myself. He tried to get me to play football, rugby and cricket, anything to get me to be more of a man. I tried, I really did but it never worked."
Richard was in floods of tears, being comforted by Sam. Helen and I just looked at each other, not knowing what to say.
"My Dad didn't abuse me," continued Richard when he had slightly recovered, "however he withdrew himself. He would speak with Mum and James, my older brother, but not me. To him, I was an outcast. He was so proud when William got accepted at this school. When I got accepted, he was just relieved. Dad thinks I'm a pansy."
I flinched when Richard said the word 'pansy'. "Does Wendy know this?"
"No, we always emailed saying how wonderful things were. However, over the last six months, the frequency of emails had diminished and so did their lengths. William was becoming less of a topic. At first my parents were expecting William to come home after finishing at this school. However, they were wondering recently if he would go straight to university. Wendy might just be starting year three, but she already has nine GCSE's and an A-Level; all top grades."
"David, can I ask one favour," said Sam, speaking for the first time. "Next time, tell me. Don't try to keep things to yourself. I wouldn't have snitched."
"Sorry. I've had this conversation with Helen already and won't be so silly again. At home, my parents were never interested in anything that was said, so I rarely told them anything. At school, I learnt very quickly to keep my mouth shut. I lost the ability to trust anyone years ago and I've got to learn that skill again."
Lessons that day went by as lessons in this school did, quickly. I thought about trying to track down a pair of ear plugs for the orchestra practice of the 1812 overture, but I was worried about not hearing the directions from Mrs Russell.
Having ruled out the earplugs, I did the next best thing. The only percussionist that I'd spoken to was Andrea so I approached her. "Hi, on Wednesday during the 1812 the cymbals were a bit loud in the ear. Do you think it would be possible to crash them a bit to one side?"
"I'll have a word with Andy," she replied with a smile. "He's the person to blame for the other day."
Feeling better I sat down to warm up my instrument. I looked around but there was no sign of Jill.
"Have you seen Jill?" I asked Kevin, the other horn player. I hoped Wednesday hadn't scared her off.
"Not today," he replied, "though she is sometimes a bit late on a Friday. I hear traffic on the A5 is murder on Fridays."
Just before the start of the rehearsal a rather breathless Jill came into the room. She flashed me a smile as she took her seat.
"On your music stands you should all have a piece of paper showing what music we will practice at which rehearsal. That should help you with your individual practices. Now get out the Tchaikovsky and see if we can get a more polished sound. No effects such as cannons till the main run through."
There was a lot of going over various sections, trying to get the feeling into the music. This was especially important in the slower, quieter areas. The playing is more exposed then and any flaws are more obvious.
Towards the end of the rehearsal I noticed a man talking with Mr Hobson at the side of the room. How I managed to keep an eye on him, the music and Mrs Russell I'm not sure. He looked like he was in his mid thirties and although he was dressed casually; he had an air of authority that even surpassed Mr Hobson's.
"Who's that with Mr Hobson?" I asked Kevin during the next pause in our playing.
"What? There's no one with Mr Hobson."
I looked again. The mystery man had disappeared.
Just before we started working through the next section Mr Hobson approached Mrs Russell and they had a quick discussion. He kept pointing to the front of the orchestra and there was obviously some discussion about seating arrangements.
"Okay," Mrs Russell said with a sigh, as Mr Hobson again retreated to the back of the hall. "Let's go for a full run through including all percussion."
I forgot about the mystery man as I again lost myself to the music. The feeling and passion emanating from the orchestra made my heart pound with excitement. I loved this school.
The crashing of the cymbals had moved further away so my ears weren't as tortured as last time. Then it happened. I'm sure it was a joke but I was so humiliated. Andy pounded the muffled, amplified bass drum and sent me flying. He had positioned the amplifier just behind me and turned up the volume. The sound gave Kevin and me the shock of our lives causing us both to jump out of our seats. Our reaction caused us to knock down our music stands which acted like a domino affect, flattening the stands of neighbouring players.
I don't know if it was my scream or the complete disarray of the brass section and percussion as they burst into fits of laughter, which caused Mrs Russell to terminate the rehearsal. At least she appeared to have a sense of humour as she was laughing as much as everyone else.
I just sat down in shock, wondering why the whole world was against me. As my heart began to slow, I felt my eyes begin to fill with tears. I felt so humiliated.
"Are you okay?" asked Kevin, his voice deep with concern.
I blinked my eyes to try and hide my watering eyes. I was a man and didn't want others to see my distress.
"I'm fine," I replied, forcing a weak smile.
"It was just Andy's idea of a joke," explained Kevin. "He didn't mean to upset you."
"I'm not upset," I forced out, with all the strength I could muster.
I tried to stand-up, to move away from the situation, but my legs didn't agree and I ended up sitting back on my chair. Other people were packing away their instruments, so hadn't noticed me. Kevin put his arm around me and tried to comfort me, which just made my eyes start to fill up again.
"I'm sorry," said a voice to my left. I looked up and through bleary eyes saw Andy, his every joyful face beaming down at me.
"You bastard," I swore, my heart again speeding up. I then did something I'd never done before; I slapped him in the face. The slap wasn't hard enough to cause damage, but the sound of my hand striking his cheek echoed round the room. There was silence. Everyone in the hall stopped their conversations and looked at me and Andy. I could feel their relentless stares hone in on me, which only increased my embarrassment.
I stood up and ran out of the hall, leaving the deathly silence behind. I don't know why I ran; I just needed to be away from everyone. The next thing I knew, I was sitting in the courtyard that yesterday I'd heard Wendy and Richard talking in.
The small bench was situated against one of the walls and would catch the late summer sun. The scent of the flowers gave a calming affect and I was soon feeling less agitated. As I came down from my adrenaline induced high, my eyes started to fill. There was nobody to see, so I didn't hold back. I wept and didn't care.
As my tears dried I became aware that I wasn't alone; a pair of arms were tenderly embracing me. The arms weren't that of Kevin or any man. These arms were that of a girl. They weren't Helen's arms. There was no romance in the embrace; just a warm glow of knowing I wasn't alone.
I blinked a few times to clear my eyes as I didn't want the other person to see how upset I'd been. They obviously would have known but I didn't want to seem weaker by rubbing my eyes clear.
"Andrew can be such a plonker," said Stacy. "He didn't mean any harm."
I just sat there shocked. Stacy was the year five girl that did the welcome. She was the leader of the orchestra. Why would she talk with me?
I suddenly got a sudden flash of inspiration. "Are you Andy's partner?"
"Yep," she acknowledged, accompanied with a soppy grin. "I'd heard you were quick. Those boys surely don't mature as quickly as us girls."
Us girls? Does Stacy think I'm a girl? "I'm a boy. I was born a boy and haven't any plans to change that."
"I'm sorry," replied Stacy. "I went off the way you acted. I put two and two together and obviously got five."
"I'd better find Helen."
"Helen is waiting just outside the courtyard and as you know, she will be able to hear everything."
"You know about yesterday?"
"Of course, it's my job to know about these things. But this is a student issue and I won't involve any of the staff."
"I don't understand," I said bewildered.
"This goes back to the conversation that you and Helen had with Rachel on day one. It is about the potential job you might get when you've finished studying here."
"I take it that you're also studying for the same line of work?"
"Yes and so is Andy. That is why I'm concerned. You and Andy will be working closely together. I don't want his Tom Foolery to cause working issues."
"Andy really wasn't the issue," I replied after a few minutes thought. "I was more embarrassed about my reaction and what others might think of me."
"You're sure?"
"Yes, though I reserve the right to embarrass him back."
Stacy burst into a big grin and giggled. "I look forward to seeing that. I'll leave you with Helen, but don't stay out here too long; dinner will be ready in twenty minutes."
As I walked into the dinning room, I felt so much more myself. Helen had this way of knowing exactly how I felt and helping me overcome any stresses. Jill was sat at the table, just like two days ago.
"Hi Jill," I said as I sat next to her. "Glad to see you looking a bit better than yesterday."
"I feel a lot better. Talking of people feeling bad, how are you? I saw what happened and I bet Andy gave you the scare of your life."
"It wasn't far off," I agreed. "However, that is in the past. Andy was just playing a joke."
There were warm words of comfort from all the rest of the year one students. It was nice not to be alone.
"Jill, have you ever been here when we've run a "Mix-up day?" Becky asked as we ate.
"No," she replied. "I heard them mentioned but they were always scheduled when I wasn't around."
"Well there is one happening on Monday and I was wondering if you wished to participate? As a guest it isn't compulsory."
Becky explained the rules and we all sat there shuddering at the thought. Well all except Helen who looked excited at the prospect. I gave her a nudge and she tempered her eagerness.
"Let me make sure I've got this correct. I'd come to orchestra practice as Bill. Then just before supper, change and appear androgynous?"
"That's about the size of it," agreed Becky. "The clothes we put together are still in the guest room, so you shouldn't have a clothing problem."
Jill sat there for a moment and then with a grin said, "Count me in. It's nice that the school trusts me to participate in other events other than the orchestra."
"Well if you-"
"Jill, are you able to stay a bit?" I asked cutting off Becky's comment. Jill would only get upset again if the pressure was applied to strongly for her to join.
"If that's okay with you all?" she asked looking round the table.
Replies of "That'll be great" and "Yeah" spread round the table. We had one thing that no other years had. We had a friend our age that wasn't a student at the school. All nine of us spent the evening watching a film. Julia was happy for Jill to spend time with us. It meant she was able to socialise a little with some of the other staff.
In my room I sat with Helen on the settee, we'd cleaned our teeth and put on our nightwear. No lessons at the weekend meant that breakfast was an hour later. An hour extra in bed was certainly needed after the heavy pace of the previous days.
"Would you like to practice for Monday?" asked Helen hopefully. She looked at me with her eyes all shiny and expectant.
"Isn't it a bit late?" I responded, trying to put her off without saying no.
"I suppose," she responded rather despondently. With a hint of pain in her voice she eventually asked, "You do want me to help, don't you?"
I wanted to say a firm NO but I couldn't. Her eyes melted my heart and I knew if I refused she would be upset. "Of course," I lied, trying to sound convincing. "I've already told you I wanted you to help."
"Okay, no need to get upset. I just wanted to make sure. I only want to help you be the best you can be. You wouldn't want to be teased for not being passable, would you?"
"No," I reluctantly agreed. "However, I'm frightened about doing it. You know I was often teased at school. I just don't want that to occur here."
"Nobody will. All the other students will be cross-dressing so why would they pick on you?"
"I know I've got to do this for Monday," I said, caving in, "but I don't like it. Please don't go overboard."
"Don't forget that I'm in the same boat," Helen replied sympathetically, slipping. "I might wear trousers a lot but they aren't boy's versions. There is a big difference in wearing trousers and trying to act like a boy."
"That's something you didn't answer from the other day. Rachel has implied a few times about you wanting to be a boy. Do you?"
Helen sat there and looked at me like I was mad. "Of course I don't want to be a boy," she said indignantly.
"Are you sure?" I asked, hoping that she was. "You certainly have a lot of characteristics of a male. You're very forceful, strong and like to take charge."
"That doesn't make me want to be a boy. It just means that I'm not as girly as other girls."
I grinned and decided to wind her up a bit. It wasn't often I had Helen on the defensive. "If you see us both as girls, then does that make you as lesbian?"
"What?"
"Are you a lesbian?"
Helen just sat there looking stunned. Eventually her lips moved but no sound came out. It rather reminded me of a goldfish that I once won at a fairground. Dad didn't approve of pets so the goldfish didn't last that long.
"I...I...I don't understand," eventually spluttered Helen.
Oh crap, should I backtrack or go forward. Forward I think. It's best to be bitten by a subject once rather than backtrack only to meet the same issue again. Perhaps if I take it step by step things won't seem as bad.
"Do you think of me as a girl?"
"Yes," Helen replied relaxing a bit.
"Do you fancy me?"
"Oh yes, I love you."
"Do you see yourself as a girl?"
"Of course, I just said that."
This was the point of no return. The last point I could back out of this conversation. Taking a deep breath and expecting the worst I said, "So you, as a girl, love me, who you see as a girl. Isn't that the description of a lesbian?"
Helen sat there unable to move. Her arm which had been round me went limp as she devoted all her thought onto a single question. "Was she a lesbian?"
I listened in the stunned silence. I expected to hear cogs whirring as she processed the multitude of thoughts. I heard nothing. I stole a glance expecting to see steam emanating from her ears as her brain overloaded with processing. I was disappointed to find no steam. Oh well, another phrase with no truth behind it.
As Helen continued to contemplate for what appeared to be for her a difficult question, my thoughts drifted onto questions about my gender. Helen was adamant that she saw me as a girl. It looked like the test I took a few months ago gave results that I thought like a girl, which Rachel confirmed. Then to top it all off Stacy, a few hours ago, implied that she thought of me as a girl. Am I that feminine? Is that why I had trouble interacting with people at school?
What if people are right? What if I am a girl inside? What am I to do? Should I just dress and live as a girl, like Jill does or should I follow Julia and actually have a sex-change? If people are right and I am really a girl inside, then I'm a lesbian. God, my parents will kill me.
Ah, but what if I'm right and they're all wrong. What if I'm just a strange boy? Should I try and resist? Should I refuse to dress in girls clothes on Monday? What would happen if I refused? Would I get sent home? No, I know too much for that to happen. Should I run away? No, I wouldn't know how to survive and what would I be running away from? Myself?
Oh my, this is very heavy stuff. No wonder we have our own psychiatrists.
"It depends on you," said Helen, finally coming out of her deep thoughts. "If you live as a man then nobody would think we were lesbians. If you live as a girl but don't have a sex-change then people would think we were lesbians, but we wouldn't be. However, if you have a sex-change then I suppose we would be."
I looked at Helen to see if she was serious. It appeared she was. "That is the worst answer I've ever heard. I'm not talking about how other people see our relationship; I'm asking how you feel about us; your soul to my soul."
"That can't be the right way to think about it," responded Helen sounding frantic. "It can't be. You have a penis between your legs, we can't be lesbians."
"It's okay," I said trying to scoop Helen into my arms. Damn, that's one heavy girl. I held her tightly in my arms till she started to calm down.
Perhaps I should have left it there, but I'd come this far so I just ploughed on. "That's not right. When it is us, clothes don't matter. Clothes are just there to make ourselves presentable to other people. Even our bodies don't matter; they're just a shell to house our souls. We are what we are inside. If you love me and I mean truly and passionately love me, then you love my soul."
Wow; where did that come from? The more I thought about it the more I realised it was true. I loved Helen for what she was about, what she thought and how she interacted with me. It was beyond what she wore or how she was constructed. If Rachel asked me again if I would fancy Helen if she wanted to be a boy then the answer would be a resounding yes. I love her soul not her body or clothes.
"But...but what about God?" asked Helen, tears flooding out of her eyes. "I'll be damned for all eternity. My parents will want nothing to do with me."
Her parents? Oh my, I'd better not remind her that we would never see them again. That would certainly put the nail in the coffin.
"I didn't go to church as often as you did. My parents didn't believe and thought I shouldn't attend. I only got chance to go if they were working on a Sunday morning. One thing I remember from the few times I attended is that God is a forgiving God. I also thought that the church frowned upon homosexual vicars but were accepting of homosexuals in the congregation."
"Really?" asked Helen, sniffing away her tears.
"Look, tomorrow, "I looked at my watch, "make that today, why don't we talk with Rachel. I'm sure that topic will have been raised before. Didn't Jill say that she was a regular church goer? I'm sure she will have also thought about these issues."
"Yes," Helen said, sounding chirpier. She thought for a second and with a slight smile asked, "Well if clothes and body don't matter, then why are you frightened of Monday?"
Just the mention of Monday made me shudder. At least the thought wasn't making me feel sick anymore.
"I have years of threats and teasing to contend with. What I know in my heart is sometimes difficult to accept by the brain. I know I'm safe at this school but it is still difficult for me to put the past behind me. So please be gentle with me as you help me prepare for Monday and don't expect me to dress in girls clothes again for a long time."
An unexpected letter from home causes interruption to preparations for Mix-up Monday.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 8
I awoke to the sound of rain gently pattering against the window. Today didn't look like a good day to be doing anything outside. The alarm hadn't gone off and Helen lay sleeping, her face looking as angelic as ever. There was no sign of the torture that I knew that she wanted to put me through. Many people, including our parents, would have frowned upon us sleeping in the same bed, but without the comfort that we gave each other we would be basket cases. Not only did we keep each other sane but we looked out for each other. There was no chance of committing suicide with someone lying next to you. We hadn't broken any laws as the law was against underage sex, though I'm sure that they might try to say we'd committed assault against each other. The school rules say we have to keep our underwear on. We'd complied and even undressed in our own rooms. I hadn't even seen a glimpse of Helen in her underwear. Damn.
Looking back at the clock, I saw we'd another hour before it was time to get up. I'd only been here a few days and I was already running on school time. This school had produced several surprises and some children would have freaked out about it. Not me. I was safe here. Here I'd found love and here I would be able to grow as a person; not just exist but live.
"How long before we have to get up?" Helen mumbled, as she stirred from her angelic slumber.
"About an hour."
"Then stop thinking and snuggle up," she commanded. Who was I to refuse such an order?
As the alarm sounded I didn't want to leave Helen's arms. I could have stayed there all day and been content. However, I heard her tummy rumble and knew there would be no chance of skipping breakfast. I think Helen, like Lewis, was ruled by her stomach. Though I've got to admit the food was a lot better than I got at home.
As we got to the table I noticed that a few places had letters on them. Mine was one. I wasn't expecting a letter from home. My parents always had better things to do, Dad drinking and Mum watching soaps. I'd sent and got an email from Eric so I wasn't expecting a letter from him.
I sat down and when I picked up the envelope I recognised the scrawl. Mum had written. My Mum who could never be bothered to read the letters from school had actually spent the time and effort to write to me. I put it in my pocket to read later when alone or just with Helen. I had no secrets from Helen and she was well aware of my parents.
During breakfast Keith announced, "The upper years normally run this as a competition to see who is the most passable. Mr Hobson has decided that this is a good idea, so there will be a competition for each year. Most passable male, most passable female and most passable androgynous; passing doesn't just include looks but also behaviour. You can't enter a category you normally live in, so Sam won't be able to win as the best androgynous person. Oh and something you might not have thought about, you will need to choose appropriate names. For instance Richard is a boy's name so on Monday while you're dressed as a girl you will need to choose a girls name."
This added a bit more excitement to the table and a bit of bantering about who would be best. I tried to think of a girls name but drew a blank. Monday is certainly going to be more difficult than I first thought. Perhaps seeing Sam in female and male mode will make it easier to tell what sex Sam really is. Though looking at the way Lewis looked and behaved, I'd never have been able to tell that he was born female.
Being the weekend, the choice of what to do was our own. I didn't fancy walking in the rain to the swimming pool, though it was a possibility if the rain stopped. Most other sports, such as tennis, I wasn't very good at and the rain would make them impossible.
As we finished eating Helen announced, "With all this rain I think I might try practicing dressing for Monday. I doubt I'll be good enough to win the prize but I don't want to look silly. David has promised to help me."
"And Helen will help me," I said.
"The other years won't laugh at us, will they?" asked Brian.
"Of course not," reassured Keith. "All the students will be cross-dressed and know what it is like to do it for the first time. We have never done a Mix-up Monday so early in the school year before. We did it earlier than usual as we thought you were a group that could cope or even need this early on.
"Emma and Paula," I said addressing the two girls, "since you are both girls, do you need male input with any practice?"
"I'm also willing to help," chimed in Brian.
"Me too," said Lewis. "I know a lot about making a girl look masculine."
Emma turned white and looked very frightened. Paula gave her a slight nudge which Emma ignored. When she got a second, slightly firmer nudge, I decided to help out.
"Are you okay Emma?" I asked. "You don't look well."
Emma took a sip of water and reluctantly said, "I won't need help dressing as a boy; I did it for the first ten years of my life. I don't think things will have changed in the last three years."
There was a stunned silence and Paula comforted Emma who couldn't hold in the tears any longer. I looked and couldn't see any sign of a boy. There was no way I'll look that feminine for Monday.
"Oh yes you could," whispered Helen to me. "You could look that feminine."
"Stop reading my mind," I hissed back, but gave her hand a friendly pat to show I wasn't serious.
"They'll hate me," sobbed Emma. "They'll all think I'm a freak, just like the people at my past school."
"No we won't," replied Richard. "Telling us was very brave and probably very hard to do. Why should we hate you? You saw last Tuesday that my brother was now my sister and that I didn't have a problem with that. Why should I have a problem with you?"
Richard got up and gave Emma a hug. I thought that was a great idea and did the same. Eventually everyone on the table had hugged Emma. "Thank you. Thank you all for this," she wept, but this time it was tears of relief and happiness. "Thank you too Paula for persuading me to tell everyone."
"Why don't we all do something together after lunch?" suggested Sam. "If it's still raining, why don't we watch a movie?"
We all agreed that would be a good idea. Emma's revelation showed how little we knew about each other and how little trust we had left to give.
As we started to leave, Rachel came up to us. "Helen and David, why don't we have that chat now?"
"Thank you," said a relieved Helen.
We silently followed Rachel to her office, where we were ushered to sit onto the nice comfy settee.
"David's message last night was quite intriguing; that you wanted to discuss sexuality rather than gender. I take it that you were having a discussion last night which has raised some questions that you wanted advice on?"
"Since I see myself as a girl and also see David as a girl, then am I a lesbian? I didn't think so because David is physically male, however David says that is irrelevant."
"It isn't the physical stuff that is important; it is how you feel in your soul. Clothes and the physical body are irrelevant. It's the soul, the fundamental feeling that is more important."
"Tell me more," pressed Rachel, sitting forward on her seat.
"Well, clothes keep you warm and are there to give other people an impression about you. The body is just a tool that houses your soul."
Rachel just stared at me in total wonder. "Where did you get that idea from?"
"It came to me last night, as we discussed Helen's sexuality. Am I talking crap?"
"So why do you think that people want to have sex-change operations?" asked Rachel ignoring my question.
"As people like to have clothes that match their moods and feelings, people like to have a body that match their soul."
"Is that why you appear more relaxed about Monday?"
"I'm still very nervous, due to how I've previously been treated. However, I'm not freaking out like before. Monday is just about clothes and presentation, it doesn't change who or what I am."
"We appear to have gone a bit back to gender, but I think I understand how you relate this to sexuality. You David are physically male but Helen thinks you have the soul of a female. You think that makes Helen a lesbian and I presume Helen disagrees. Is that right?"
"Yes," Helen and I agreed simultaneously.
"Great. Now I have that understood, what is the issue?"
"Well it's sort of two questions," answered Helen. "First, am I a lesbian and second, if I am will that mean that I go to Hell instead of Heaven?"
"Well only you know how you feel. If you feel that you are sleeping with a girl then you would be what some people describe as a lesbian. However, it is up to you if you want to use that label. Isn't it more important that you are in a loving relationship? You love David and David loves you. Is a label that important?"
"But if I'm a lesbian then I'll go to Hell," panicked Helen. "Also my parents will kill me if they find out."
"Helen, its okay," reassured Rachel. "You aren't the first person to worry about this and you won't be the last. Why don't you have a word with our vicar George Trent? It won't have been the first time he's discussed this and is very open to these discussions. I'll have a word with him and I'll send you a note. Last time he discussed this early in the morning, a few hours before the service. In the meantime don't worry about it; you are who you are. Just be true to yourself."
"Thanks," said Helen, who sounded only a little better. Her voice was still tinged with concern.
"In the last few days you've met some of the other students. While church isn't compulsory, there is a very high percentage that goes. I know that you, Helen, used to attend regularly. Do you intend to attend tomorrow? Also what about you David, will you go?"
I gave Helen's hand a slight squeeze to signal my intent.
"We'll both be going," said Helen for both of us. I know she would want to go and I wanted to be with her.
"How are you both feeling about Monday?" Rachel asked us both.
"Till last night, I was very upset about it," I confessed. "However, when I thought about it I realised that it is just clothes. They don't change who I am inside. I'll still be me, even if I will have to act differently."
"Not that differently," snorted Helen. "For somebody who is good at watching others, you certainly don't understand yourself."
"Are you saying my actions are feminine?"
Helen nodded. This I couldn't believe. I looked enquiringly at Rachel who after a moment's hesitation also nodded.
"Is that why I was beaten up? I'm to blame for not being more masculine."
"No, you're not to blame," reassured Rachel. "There is no excuse for threats like that. You are who you are and people should respect that."
"Well it certainly looks like I've got a lot to learn about myself," I said thinking about my life. I wonder if my brother or parents knew that I didn't appear to be as masculine as I thought I had. I suppose Eric might have, but my parents were too busy in their own lives to notice.
"That's one of the aims of running Mix-up Monday's," informed Rachel. "Helen, do you think you've got anything to learn on Monday?"
"I know I don't want to be a boy, so I'm not sure," she relied confidently.
"But David was also confident that he didn't want to be a girl. Just go through Monday with an open mind and try to experience as much as you can. I'm not saying you will want to be a boy and I'm not saying that David should be a girl. Just that you both should take this opportunity to experience things you have never experienced before. Look at it as a way to better understand people like Emma and Lewis, who do want to change their sex."
Rachel paused for a moment for everything to sink in. "Is there anything else you want to talk about?" When we both shook our heads, we were dismissed.
As the door to Rachel's office closed I asked Helen, "Can we go back to our rooms?" As her eyes lit up I hurriedly continued, "Not to practice for Monday but I think I need to lie-down. This was a bit much."
"Sure," she replied lightly, letting go of my hand and wrapping her arm around me.
I felt my eyes start to fill and quickened my pace. I didn't want to break down in the hall.
"We'll soon be there," reassured Helen, as we turned into the sleeping wing.
Once in the room I didn't even bother to remove my shoes, I just fell onto my bed and let the stress of the last hour pour out of my eyes. Why me? What had I done to be so badly made? Was this punishment because I wasn't able to go to church very often? Was it because I never did any male things like football or rugby?
I opened my eyes to find my pillow wet. I felt a bit strange and concluded that I must have fallen asleep. I felt an arm gently wrapped around me and wriggled back a bit to cuddle further into Helen. She didn't say anything but gently stroked my face.
"I'm such a failure," I eventually said. "You'd be better off finding someone who isn't such damaged goods."
"Remember what you said last night, about clothes and body not being important. Well it is your soul, your essence that I love. I love the way you love me, the way you help people without thinking. You were the one that got help for Jill, and was the first to offer Emma and Paula help for Monday."
"Sorry that I broke down. I was just so shocked and thought that I'd been living a lie all these years. I was also worried that you wouldn't love me anymore, which was silly really as you already see me as a girl."
"I'm not going to leave you.
As I got off the bed I felt something in my pocket. I fished out the letter that had arrived this morning and looked at the envelope. It was definitely my Mum's writing.
"Who's the letter from?" asked Helen, as she got up from the bed.
"My Mum."
"Are you going to open it?"
I gently opened the envelope, not wanting to rip the letter inside. As I unfolded the letter I noticed that it was indeed from Mum. The size of the letter shocked me; it wasn't just a note but covered three pages.
"I didn't think that your Mum liked to write?"
"She doesn't. I don't really understand it."
"Why don't you read it while I nip to the toilet?"
I settled down and began to try to distinguish Mum's hieroglyphics.
Dear David,I hope that you are settled into your new school okay. Eric has tried to show me how to use the email system but I found it too difficult. He offered to type what I wanted to send and he will in the future. This letter however, is just between you and me; you must never tell Dad or Eric what's in the letter.
After your interview with Dr Ruiz you mentioned Uncle James. This letter should explain a bit about your Uncle which I didn't tell you the other week.
James used to dress in my clothes and try to make his already feminine looks even more feminine. He wanted nothing more than to be a girl that he knew he was inside. While he was at school he used to get teased for his gentle and kind nature. At home, when we were alone, I helped him become what he was inside. We hid this from our parents as they would never understand.
Uncle James wanted to be a girl? Why didn't Mum tell me about this the other night?
I blamed myself for his death. If I hadn't helped him perhaps he wouldn't have killed himself. As you grew up I saw that you were just like James and tried to distance myself. Before James killed himself I used to be a smart outgoing girl. Part of me died when he killed himself. I withdrew myself and didn't take any of my exams. I don't think that I could live with myself if you also killed yourself.
Gentle tears started to trickle down my cheeks, as I thought of the impact her brother's death had on Mum. I couldn't imagine the grief and guilt she must have felt to withdraw herself like that. My mind started to whirl in confusion on what she'd said and implied. Mum must have truly loved her brother to have helped him keep such a secret. But why did he kill himself? Was I that similar to Uncle James? Why does Mum think I would want to kill myself? This doesn't make sense.
I'd been terribly wrong. I thought that Mum was an uncaring mother who wanted nothing to do with me. For the last twenty years she had carried this guilt in her heart and was hoping that I wouldn't kill myself. Poor Mum must have been in torture for the last few years as it became obvious that I was like her brother.
As you grew up you reminded me of my brother and you were a constant reminder of the fact that I failed to save his life. I knew what was wrong with James and how it worried him. A week before James killed himself he talked to me about how he saw no future for himself. I didn't understand him properly and agreed that he had no future. The next time he was alone he slashed his wrists. I was the one who found him sitting in a bath of blood. I found out later that it would have taken ten minutes for him to become unconscious and another twenty minutes to die.
Oh my God. I've heard of horrible ways to die but that must be the worst. To slash your own wrists and take so long to die must be awful. The pain as the blood gushes out must have been tremendous. I can't imagine the anguish that Uncle James must have been in to sit through all that. What must have been going through his mind as his life slowly slipped away.
Since Mum saw no future for Uncle James as a boy and she things I'm like Uncle James, does she think I should be a girl? Is she saying I don't have any future as a man?
James killed himself on his sixteenth birthday and since you and he were so similar I'm worried that you might also commit suicide. I didn't want you to die like your Uncle had so I persuaded your father to agree to you going to Hayfield Hall. After the meeting with Dr Ruiz I had a private word with her and told her about James. She was the first person that I'd told since his death. There was just something about Dr Ruiz that I was able to open up to her. She told me to tell you in a letter about James as it would help you.Since you've left home I've joined the library and tried to find out information regarding James's condition. He was what is described as a transsexual and it is not curable. The only treatment for his condition is to become the girl he was inside. I don't recommend that you try it at school, as I doubt they would understand, but if, after you've finished school you do need to be a girl, just like he did, then I give you my blessing.
If you'd have been born a girl you would have been called Jayne Laura Grant.
Love
Mum
Oh my God, oh my God, no. My Mum, my own mother, thinks I should become a girl. Am I that blind to myself? Did my Dad and brother also think this about me? What am I to do? Is Monday just the start of my life as a girl? What if I do like it? What if I don't? What am I? Who am I? What should I do? Should I do anything?
As the thoughts of my life crashed through my mind, my body's reaction got worse. The tears of heartache over my Mum's letter gave way to the torrent that lay beyond. The sluice gate opened and the tears flooded down. My connection with the world ceased to matter as I tried to make sense of what I'd been told.
* * *
My eyes slowly fluttered open. I tried to lift my head slightly but felt dizzy so I lay back down. The room looked blurry so I closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep.
As I opened my eyes this time the room looked clearer; the fog had gone. I felt that I was being closely held. I would recognise those arms anywhere, there mixture of firmness and tenderness was unique. "Helen, why are we in bed?"
"I came back from the toilet to find you bawling over the letter. I tried for ages to comfort you, but you didn't respond; you just kept crying. You were worse than Jill was the other night. In the end I had no choice but to call Rachel, who was in this sleeping wing anyway. She was here in less than a minute. She saw how bad you were and gave you a mild sedative. That was five hours ago."
"Where's Rachel now?"
"I'm here," said Rachel. I looked up and there she was sitting on the settee. "Is it okay if I read your Mum's letter, so I can better understand?"
"Yes. But I thought you already knew about my Uncle?"
"I knew certain details. However, I need to know what your Mum actually said and how she said it."
"Go ahead. Then pass it to Helen to read."
"I've already read it," confessed Helen. "I read it to try and help you. I was in tears reading it myself. I won't read your stuff again without permission."
"You always have my permission. Remember, no secrets."
"Well, that explains things," said Rachel, as she finished reading my Mum's letter. "How do you feel now?"
"I feel strange, which isn't unusual after I've slept during the day. I remember reading Mums letter and then trying to reach some conclusions about it. I don't remember much else. However, I do feel hungry."
"If it's any comfort, Helen missed lunch as well.
I collapsed on my bed in a mock faint. Helen is ruled by her tummy, so to miss lunch so she could be with me was very touching. Helen forced me to stay lying down and cuddled into me. I felt so safe in her arms. I wish she'd been there when I'd read the letter. Nothing bad would have happened then.
"How do you feel about your Uncle?"
"I felt sorry that he felt that there was no other option. Things must have been harder back then. Today, with the internet, information about things is easier to get hold of. Without knowing where to turn, he probably felt he had no option."
I started crying a bit, as I thought of the way Uncle James killed himself. Helen tightened her grip on me in a vain attempt to squeeze out the sadness. "I just wish he hadn't killed himself in such a horrible way. I keep seeing someone sitting in a growing pool of blood, with his life slowly ebbing away. All he had to do was get out of the bath and dial 999 and he would have still been here. His pain must have been horrendous to put himself through what he did."
"Do you want to kill yourself?"
My heartbeat quickened. Oh how I used to think about killing myself. How I used to plan every aspect of how I would be found hanging from a tree in my main tormentors back garden. But those feeling were gone. I now had feelings of love, hope and joy.
"No. I don't want to kill myself. I was shocked what my Mum said, especially the bit about her accepting me if I did want to be a girl."
"Have you ever wanted to kill yourself?"
Why did she have to ask that question? Should I tell her the truth, or deny like mad. If I deny and she finds out the truth then all trust is lost. However, is she likely to find out? But Helen's here and I don't want her to hear a lie.
"Yes, but not anymore."
"Why did you want to kill yourself?"
"Because there was no point in living," I replied, my stomach giving groans of protest. "My life wasn't as rosy as it is now. I used to constantly watch what was happening and who was watching me. I could never be a success at anything, or I'd be beaten up. To live I just tried to melt into the woodwork. I had to stop being me and act a part. Everyday a little bit more of me died. I hadn't reached the breaking point, but Mum was correct, I would have taken my life, just like Uncle James."
"What would you do if you did feel suicidal?"
"I doubt I would, but if I did I'd talk with Helen or someone else. I wouldn't let it fester."
"So what do you think about your Mum thinking you should be a girl?"
"Well she doesn't exactly say I should be a girl, but I will admit she implies it. Several people have now said how much I look or act like a girl. This is just another one. I'm sure Mix-up Monday is a technique you use so that we get to experience things we might have been scared to try. Therefore, I plan to go through Monday with an open mind."
"So you still want to take part on Monday. I can excuse you based on your recent news."
"No. I said I would do it, and I will."
All this time Helen had kept quiet. She just lay next to me, providing all the comfort I needed. However, she now decided to break her silence. "If David starts to feel low about dressing, then I will stop him practicing. I'm not going to risk David's health for anything, including my own fantasies."
"Okay," said Rachel after a few moments thought. "I'll leave you to it. I'll also let the other six know you're okay."
When Rachel was gone I said to Helen, "Tonight, I'm going to write a letter to Mum and thank her for telling me. I hope that telling me will help her get rid of some of the guilt she has been carrying. Now it looks more likely that I've got a lot to learn about myself. We'd better get on with the practice for Monday."
"Are you sure you want to?"
"No, I'm not sure. However, Mum said that Uncle James liked it, so why not give it a try."
"I don't think you should," said a very worried Helen. "You have been through a lot today and I don't think you need any more stress. Why don't we watch a movie or, since it has stopped raining, go for a walk?"
"Helen," I said with a deep sigh, "if I don't do this now, I might never do it. I need to understand myself. I've ran away from looking at myself for the last few years and I can't continue to do that. I have lots of questions which I don't know the answers to, this will help. If I don't like it then there is nothing wrong. At the end of the day they are just clothes, they won't change who or what I am. However, they might help me discover more about my soul."
"Okay," reluctantly agreed Helen, "then will you help me this evening?"
"It's a deal."
"Why don't you find the fake breasts that Rachel mentioned, while I find you an outfit? Is casual okay?"
"Fine. One of the draws next to the bed wasn't it?"
"Top draw I think."
In the top draw I found what looked like two breasts and something that looked like a pair of panties but felt slightly different. I took the breasts out first and examined them. I'd never seen breasts and they looked remarkable items. The nipple and bit around it looked slightly larger than mine but the colour of them appeared to match my skin remarkably well.
I looked at the panty and could place what was different about it. It just didn't feel like the ones I pulled out the washing machine when I helped Mum with the laundry.
Helen came out with a pair of panties, a bra, a denim skirt and a pale yellow top. "Are these okay?"
"I'm sure they will be fine. It's only you who is going to see me wearing them. I've found the breasts but there was something else there as well. I remember Rachel said there were two things but I don't understand what it is."
"Let's have a look," said Helen. I passed them to her and she looked at them. "Well they look like a very small pair of panties but they certainly feel different to normal panties. Do you think we should ask someone?"
"But who? I would feel embarrassed about asking."
"Why don't we ask Emma? Since she has been dressing as a girl for three years, I'm sure she will know what it is."
"Okay," I answered reluctantly, "I just hope it's nothing too embarrassing."
Helen whipped out her PDA and contacted Emma who promised to have a look. Five minutes later Emma arrived.
"Well, where's this mystery object?"
"Here it is," I replied flourishing the object in front of her face. "It was in the draw with the fake breasts."
Emma smiled. "A quick lesson in transgender speak is required. The 'fake breasts' are normally referred to as breast forms. The item you're waving in front of my nose looks like a gaff."
"A gaff?"
"A gaff is a special panty used to give a flat appearance when you wear female clothes. Before I go on are any of you two squeamish?"
"No," we replied simultaneously.
"Okay, now I'm sorry if this gets a bit personal but there is no other way to explain things. It's a two stage process. Stage one is to tuck all your attributes inside yourself. Stage two is where the gaff comes in. The gaff holds everything inside."
"But doesn't that hurt?" I asked wondering exactly how much you tuck inside. "Exactly what do you tuck inside?"
"Originally your testes were inside you, they drop down into your scrotum by a canal inside you. That canal is still there, all you do is push them back into this canal. You then tuck your penis back and the gaff holds everything in place."
"That doesn't sound very comfortable," commented Helen.
"You get used to it," shrugged Emma. "If you get pain when your pushing your testes back inside yourself then you're doing it wrong. Why don't Helen and I go next door while you give it a try?"
Helen and Emma disappeared and I attempted to manipulate myself. I had never really examined myself down there before and was unsure what to do. After five minutes, which seemed like fifty, I called "Emma, are you sure this is possible?"
"Of course it's possible," she called back from Helen's room. "Have you ever seen an unexpected bulge on me?"
"No," I called back, "but I'm not sure that you're actually a boy."
"I take that as a complement. Do you want some help?"
I didn't really want anyone seeing me naked, not even Helen. However, I knew not to sniff at an offer of help. "Okay, but please don't laugh."
"I won't," Emma replied, coming through the doorway with Helen.
"Ahhh," I screamed. "Helen isn't allowed to see me with my underwear off."
"I think that rule is there so you don't have sex," Emma replied. "I don't think that is likely with what we are doing. Go and lie on the bed, that way I should be able to get easier access."
I moved to the bed and lay down on my back. "This is the first time I've ever done someone other than myself," confessed Emma. "So this might take a few seconds to get the feel. Now Helen, watch carefully. Till David gets the hang of this you might need to help."
"Oh crap," I moaned. "This certainly isn't my day."
There I was, exposed on my bed being examined by two girls. No matter how I looked at Emma, I couldn't see anything male about her.
"By the looks of things you've started puberty," said Emma as she looked at me. "Have you started shaving yet?"
"No."
"Well that will make passing easier."
"Passing?" queried Helen.
"That is when nobody suspects that you're physically different from how you portray yourself."
"Oh. All these terms are very confusing."
Emma just shrugged, "You get used to them."
Emma gently messed with my genitals and soon she gave a grunt of success. "Does that feel okay?"
"Fine," I replied.
"Well I've moved your testes back inside you. Now I'll release you and let them float back out. Then Helen can have a try."
"Do we have to?" I asked totally mortified.
"Well try doing it again yourself. If you succeed then she won't need to help you."
Helen turned round but Emma watched me. She gave some hints and after a minute I succeeded.
"Well done," crowed Emma. "Now try again."
This time Emma kept quiet and in a short time I was done. There was no need for Helen to help. I kept everything in place with one hand and pulled up the gaff. Everything stayed in place.
"Thanks Emma," I said, giving her a small hug.
"My pleasure," she replied, with a smile. "I didn't have anyone to help me learn, so I know how difficult it can be. Don't be worried about asking me for help if you need any more hints."
"But aren't you worried about spoiling things for the competition?" queried Helen.
"Not really as I won't be entering for best female. I'll leave you to it. If you have any more questions just ask. Oh and watch out for the breast forms, don't get the left and right ones mixed up."
With that, Emma was gone. I picked up the breasts and looked at them hoping to see an L or an R indicating which way they went. There was not such indicator. I looked a bit closer and noticed there were subtle differences.
"Let me help you with the bra," offered Helen. "They are a bit tricky at first."
"Thanks," I replied. "I don't think I will need to get used to it."
"I'm sure they run more that one mix-up Monday a year. Jill implied there'd been a few since she started helping."
"Oh crap."
"For someone who says that clothes don't matter, you're taking this very personally."
I lurched to tickle her, but Helen was too nimble and stepped out of the way. "If you're not quick, there won't be time to change for dinner," Helen warned me.
"I'd rather miss dinner than show up dressed as a girl."
"I could carry you."
"True, but you'd end up sleeping alone."
"You know I wouldn't do anything to humiliate you. Now let's get you into this bra."
I slipped my arms through the straps and Helen fastened me in. I hope she's kind enough to let me out later. I don't think I could manage to reach the clips at the back. Helen took the fake breasts; no sorry breast forms, from me and looked at them.
"Oh these look good. They have a left and right version."
She reached across and popped them into the bra cups.
"I thought breasts looked the same on both sides," I said, showing my naivety.
"Have you never seen a pair of breast?" asked Helen.
"No." I was tempted to ask if she was offering but decided against it. "Have you ever seen a penis before today?"
"Touché."
I slipped on the skirt and pulled the top on. It seemed strange pulling the top over the mountains protruding from by chest.
Helen stood back and examined me. "Not bad, but the hair is less than desired. Let's add a wig and see how it works."
She returned from the wardrobe with two wigs, the first blond and the second auburn. Neither was my natural brunette.
"Why not brunette?"
"I thought it would be nice for you to look different."
She tried both the blond and auburn on but she wasn't happy with the look. Reluctantly she found a brunette wig which closely matched my colour
"That's you," she said as she stood back to look at me, her face all dreamy looking.
"Is this the way you thought of me?"
All she could do was nod. I just stood there and let her take me in. Eventually she came out of her trance and said, "There's something missing."
"Makeup?"
"No, shoes. You're at school, so no makeup is allowed. If I wore makeup at school, apart from a school dance, I'd get sent to wipe it off. You're only thirteen and don't need makeup. You might need something if you had to shave."
Again Helen retreated into my wardrobe and returned with a feminine pair of trainers. "These will be ideal."
Thank goodness Helen was being sensible and not having me wear high-heeled shoes.
"How do you feel," she asked pensively.
"Surprisingly I'm fine. I don't know why, but this feels okay. The wig is a bit heavy, especially in this hot weather."
"Do you want to see yourself?"
Now why didn't I think of that? Earlier, when I'd worn the blonde wig, it must have zapped all my brainpower. I moved over to the mirror and peered in. Looking back was a young version of my mother. I did look like a girl. I might not have been pretty but I certainly looked the part. Why couldn't I have looked like a boy dressed as a girl, then things might have been easier.
I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned round and Helen swept me into her arms, giving me the biggest kiss that I'd ever had. I felt week at the knees as the kiss drowned any sensible thoughts. My own passion began to rise, which didn't have a good effect in the gaff. Ouch.
"I love you Jayne."
Who's Jayne? Oh yeah that's the name I'd have been called if I'd been born a girl. "You can't call me..."
I was interrupted by the shrill harsh sound of the fire alarm bell ringing throughout the school. The continuous ringing signalled immediate evacuation.
I grabbed my PDA and it was flashing "Fire Alarm — NOT A TEST". I pressed the "Route" button for the PDA to guide us safely to the assembly point.
"Oh crap, I didn't get changed." I said as we walked quickly out of the fire door.
Exposed...Trapped...And what do some students do after curfew?
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 9
"No, you can't go back to get changed," firmly stated Helen, blocking the door. "You read the screen, it isn't a test. I'm not having you risk yourself."
"I didn't smell anything," I pleaded. "I'll be okay."
"The answer is still no," she replied. "Now get moving before I carry you."
With a sigh I walked towards the assembly point, terrified what other people would think of me. Each year had an area where they would gather and would be confirmed safe. As we approached, I saw that the other six and Keith were already there. In the distance there was another group of people, which were the teachers and a few others who I didn't recognise. One person who was there was the mysterious man I saw at orchestra practice.
"Glad you're both safe," Keith said, checking off their names on his PDA. I was astounded that there was no comment regarding how I was dressed. It was as if they saw students turn up cross-dressed everyday. Coming to think of it, it was everyday that it occurred.
"So is there really a fire?" asked Helen, seeing no signs of thick billowing smoke.
"One of the cooks was practising a new technique for the crá¨me brá»lée and set off the smoke detectors."
"What were they using, a blow torch?" I joked, trying to avoid joining the others in the year.
"Something like that," he replied pressing a few buttons on his PDA. "You didn't register your female name on the system. If you tell me now, I'll update your profile and introduce you to the others."
I looked across and saw that I was being watched by not just the other year one pupils, but most others in the year.
"Jayne Laura Grant," I said softly, the name firmly imprinted on my mind. I don't think I'd ever forget any detail that Mum had written in the letter. Helen, who was standing next to me, gently squeezed my hand to let me know she was there. I returned the squeeze as a thank you.
Keith walked across to the six other first year students and said, "I'd like to introduce you to Jayne Laura Grant."
Emma leapt across and hugged me tightly, "I knew you'd look good," she whispered.
The others crowded round and soon we were chatting away as only children at school could. "Is this permanent?" asked Lewis.
"What?" I queried.
"Are you going to stay as Jayne?"
"NO!" I forcibly replied. "I was just practising for Monday and the alarm went off. Nobody was supposed to see me."
We chatted for another ten minutes before the all clear was signalled and we all trouped in doors. My thoughts of getting changed were dashed as my PDA pinged. "Special meeting" was filled in for half-ten tonight and the invite was for Jayne. I looked at the list of attendees and Helen was included. I looked across and saw she was giggling, so she obviously has spotted Jayne on the attendee list. I sent back a query as half-ten was past year one curfew. My plans of going back to David were spoilt, so I joined the others in the common-room.
"You get a lot of PDA messages," commented Brian.
"Really, don't you get many?"
"Only one or two a day. You and Helen appear to get a lot more."
"Probably because I'm always getting into trouble," I replied with a smile.
"Rachel mentioned earlier that you'd had a rather upsetting letter from home," said Paula. "Are you okay? Is there anything we can do?"
Emma flashed Paula a dirty look for mentioning the letter. "I'm okay now," I replied, smiling weakly. "The contents were just a bit of a shock."
I noticed that Helen shook her head at the others, to indicate that this was a closed subject. Richard put on the large screen television and we were soon watching a hilarious comedy; the day's worries forgotten.
I was glad when it was time for the evening meal. Missing lunch wasn't something my body enjoyed. I noticed Helen was eating quicker than normal and not in an entirely ladylike fashion.
"Jayne, take smaller bites," said Emma. It took me a few moments to realise she was talking to me.
"Huh?" I eventually said.
"Take smaller bites. You are trying to pass as a girl so you need to eat like one."
"Helen isn't," I commented, which resulted in me getting a sharp elbow in my side.
"Give it a try," persisted Emma. "Let's see if that helps your image."
I cut up my next mouthful into a smaller portion and placed it daintily into my mouth. After a few more mouthfuls I asked, "Is that better?" There were seven nods around the table. "Why me?" I thought to myself.
For desert I still had the crá¨me brá»lée. Only two were spoilt when the smoke detectors went off and they quickly made up replacements.
"Keith, do we get to learn cooking while we are here?" I asked between dainty mouthfuls.
"In later years, yes. Since most students complete their academic exams early they find cooking and other lessons relaxing. We don't like to send students out without skills they need in life. Cooking is just as important for a student in life as mathematics or geography. Why do you ask?"
Typical psychiatrist; always answer the question and then ask me one.
"I didn't want to turn out like my parents," I replied. "Neither of them can cook."
"Well I think your schedule is a bit full to worry about it yet," he replied with a laugh. "However, there is the Christmas pudding competition which you might find fun."
"What's that?"
"Each student pair makes a Christmas pudding. We use half of them for the Christmas party and the other half on Christmas day."
"But that's ages off," Richard pointed out.
"True, but the puddings need to be made a few months before, giving them time to mature. You also have to research your own recipe and order via the kitchen the ingredients. It is now late July so you have a few months to think about it. Most puddings are made in October; some do it earlier, some later, depending on what recipe they use."
"Surly a Christmas pudding is a Christmas pudding," I asked puzzled.
"There are lots of different techniques to making one. Some students even write home to get old family recipes. "Last year we even had one with figs and dates, which won a prize for most original pudding."
My PDA tinged and as I pulled it out Brian said, "See, you do get more messages than the rest of us."
I look at the message and it was from Stacy. "Your curfew has been waved for tonight. Go to your room for ten and I'll collect you both. This meeting is important as you will see in a few minutes."
As the meal finished there Mr Hobson stood up and the dining room fell silent. "I have two announcements. First, straight after this meal there will be a school showing of 'War of the Worlds' in the school cinema. Since the year one student's won't know where that is please just follow everyone else."
The room broke into excited chattering which Mr Hobson allowed for a few seconds. "Quieten down," he said. "Anyone would think we hadn't instilled some self discipline into you! Okay, second, due to complications with some of the venues for our French field trip, the date is being brought forward. Therefore, whatever gender you are currently portraying is the gender that you will go on the field trip and the gender you must stay, except for Monday."
I sat there stunned. I was stuck as Jayne for the next month. I looked up at Keith who nodded his head in confirmation.
"Did you know about this?"
"No, but the rules are true and you were told about them when you started. I've never known a field trip be conducted so early in the school year."
"Oh great, I'm nowhere near passable. I'll be a laughing stock in front of the French."
"No you won't," said Keith. "You will be given the training that you need to be able to pass. I'll get Rachel to make arrangements for Kelly Baxter to give you advice."
"Who is Kelly Baxter?"
"She is our expert on gender perception. She teaches the student how to move, talk and generally pass as the gender they want or need to be perceived as."
"Is there any way I can get out of this?"
Keith just shook his head. My fate was sealed. I couldn't believe how badly today has gone. I felt like crying but didn't have the energy to do it anymore. My stomach gave a few lurches but I kept myself under control. I closed my eyes and reminded myself that this was just clothes; it won't change who I am.
"I'll look after you," promised Helen.
I sighed a bit and nodded. I slowly exhaled and looked around at the anxious faces. I suppose that after this morning's breakdown people would be a bit cagey.
"I'm okay," I eventually said. "It is just clothing. It was just a bit of a shock."
"I think you ought to see Rachel to discuss this," said Keith.
"Would it be okay if I slept on it?" I responded after a moments thought. "I was more shocked and after all that has happened today, this isn't my top worry."
"I'll make sure that she's fine," added Helen. "If there are any issues then I'll contact Rachel immediately."
"Okay," reluctantly allowed Keith. "Now clear up, as everyone will be going to the cinema soon."
"You'll be okay," Helen said to me as we followed the other students down some stairs. "I know you don't want to hear this, but some students at the old school thought you were a girl. You won't need much polishing."
"In some ways you are more of a girl than Helen," said Paula from behind us. I thought Helen was going to give birth to kittens when she heard that, but instead she just turned around and stuck out her tongue.
At the end of the corridor was a room containing a miniature shop; with popcorn, sweets and drinks. This school never ceased to amaze me. I never thought they would go to this much trouble for a bunch of social misfits. The year one students stood, shocked for a few minutes but then gained their senses and were soon getting their supplies for a good evening's entertainment.
I hadn't been to a cinema for a few years, but what I remembered was that the seats were always a bit worn and the floor a bit sticky. This cinema was different. The seats were plush and the whole place sparkled. The seats were angled and positioned so that everyone had a perfect view of the screen.
When we were all seated and comfortable the film was started. There was no annoying adverts preceding the film but they did include trailers of up coming films so we could make badly informed choices of what we wanted to see in the future. The film was excellent with wonderful effects, but I found some of it a bit frightening and snuggled up to Helen for comfort.
As the film finished the time was approaching ten; so years one, two and three quickly scampered to their rooms. Helen and I went with them and waited. At ten minutes past curfew there was a knock on the door. Helen opened it, revealing Stacy.
"Let's go."
We followed her into the back of the school where there was waiting transport. A few minutes later three more girls joined us. I recognise Ingrid and Fran but the older girl was new to me. She hopped into the driver's seat and we set off. After a few minutes we went through a gate which Stacy opened. Eventually we approached a secluded building.
Since leaving our rooms nobody had said a word, so we quietly entered the building and we entered a room on the right.
"This building is the reason for the field trip being brought forward," started Stacy when we were all seated. "Ingrid and Fran have already met Brenda but I don't think that Helen and Jayne have."
I looked at Brenda for a moment and then it dawned on me who she was. I didn't say anything while I waited for the confused look to disappear from Helen's face. Helen eventually worked it out.
"I thought you'd never work it out," grinned Brenda in the same smile that Andy had.
"Okay, now we know who everyone is, let's get down to it," said Stacy becoming serious and business like. "First off, please give Brenda your PDA's. While we are here we mustn't use them as this is separate from normal school business."
We all handed our PDA's to Brenda who placed them on the windowsill.
"Since this is all your first time," continued Stacy, "let me explain. At any stage the school has six trainees to become field operatives. Last year there were four in year five, who have now left. So you four were chosen as being the most able candidates, with the skills required. You have already been warned not to discuss this with anybody else and I again warn you. Other students are being trained with skills so they can get other employment, or some as assistants. Next year when Brenda and I leave two students will replace us. They might be from the new intake, or they might be existing students. We are trainees and are referred to as the beta team. Due to our age we won't be asked to go on any missions. However, it is good practice for us to train and see how the alpha team do things."
This information was nothing new for Helen or me and by the looks of unsurprised, the other two. "So why are we here now in this building?"
"I was coming to that," Stacy said. "This is a replica of where part of the French tax records is stored. The alpha team are looking for specific transactions which it is believed have taken place. The French government are quite good at hiding this information, but we also believe they wouldn't miss out on charging tax, even for a possibly illegal sale."
"I take it the second field trip is going to where they suspect the evidence leads?" asked Fran.
"Yes."
"Which is?"
"I don't know and I didn't ask," replied Stacy. "The less people know the better. It wouldn't help us if it did, so we aren't told and we don't ask."
Stacy walked behind the desk and removed a set of building plans. "This is so much easier doing it with large plans, rather than on the PDA's. Now here is the entrance to the building and there is the room we think the information we require is held."
"Surely it isn't held on paper," Helen asked.
"No," replied Brenda, "but the information is secured to certain workstations. They have tried to circumvent that security but have always failed. This is the last resort."
"What security systems are in place?" Ingrid asked.
"We think we know about all of them," replied Stacy, pulling out a separate PDA out of the desk. "Here is a list."
"Why are we given access to this before the event," I asked. "For security reasons I'd presumed that we won't be told until afterwards."
"Okay, but keep this to yourselves," she said shrugging at the security camera on the far wall. "The alpha team are having trouble during the practice. It is setup deliberately hard with additional security measures put in place, just in case something has been missed. However, the team keep getting caught and want us to have a go."
None of us laughed, which was probably a relief for the people I'm sure that were watching us via the security camera.
"I have a list of things the alpha team have tried," said Stacy pressing a few buttons.
"NO!" I quickly replied. "If we look at what's been done already then that will influence. To get truly fresh ideas, we shouldn't look."
"Okay," replied Stacy, pocketing the PDA. "Let's give it a try for an hour."
I had never been more relieved at Helen saying to wear trainers. I'd never have survived in heels.
On the first two attempts we failed. However, on the third attempt we managed to all get into the room without alarms going off. However, I wasn't familiar with the computer system and set off an alarm. The PDA which Stacy had picked up beeped with a message. When she read it she laughed her sweet little laugh.
"Here is the message they sent," Stacy said, her voice still filled with mirth. "What the hell did you just do? Can you please do it again?"
We went down and redid it, again gaining access to the room. I didn't even attempt to gain access to the computer system, knowing I didn't have the knowledge. I knew I had some reading to do tomorrow. The PDA beeped and Stacy again read out the message, "Thank you ladies. You have given us all something to think about. Pleasant dreams."
When we neared the entrance Stacy dragged us all into the room and pressed a few buttons on the PDA. "We are now secured and even the alpha team can't listen. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you. You have done an excellent job here tonight. I want to say a special thank you to Jayne. This is her first day as female and it hasn't been an easy day for her at all. Letters from home can be nice, but they can also be full of hardship."
"Do you know the contents?" I asked.
"No, I know there was a letter but I didn't ask Rachel for the contents. She wouldn't have told me even if I did. I keep tabs so I know how far each of you can be pushed without breaking."
"Do you want to know the contents?" I asked with a sigh. A look of worry spread over Helen's face. "It's okay Helen. It is something I need to talk about. I just ask you all to keep it to yourselves."
"If you want to tell us, then it might help," replied Stacy. "You don't have to. Anyway you don't have it with you, do you?"
"I don't need it with me," I replied, by mouth drying up. "I don't think I'll ever forget what I was told."
I then relayed the letter word for word. As I went through the letter my voice started to tremble as I saw in my minds eye, my Uncle sitting in his own blood, his life seeping out of his ruggedly slashed veins.
When I finished the room was silent and still. The air tense with shock and horror at the details I'd just told them. As my eyes cleared, I noticed I wasn't the only one crying. Silent tears were trickling down all of their eyes.
"Thank you for telling us," said Stacy, wiping her eyes. "I'm surprised that Rachel didn't excuse you from mix-up Monday."
"She offered and I refused," I replied. "You saw a female part of me on Friday and my own mother saw how much like my Uncle I was. Rachel and Helen have also said how feminine I act. This is something I need to deal with. I hope this doesn't stop me being on the beta team."
"Not at all," replied Stacy. "It just confirms how much you will give of yourself."
Stacy went to the windowsill and handed us back our PDA's.
"Before we go I have something to do," I said clicking on my PDA. "I was upset with Andy regarding the incident at the last orchestra practice and was planning my revenge. After today, I realise that revenge would serve no purpose apart from causing the memory of the event to linger and might cause other silly pranks to occur. I've just sent to your PDA a file called 'revenge' and have deleted it from mine. If you want to play it, then I advise you to put your PDA into private mode."
Brenda quickly scrambled to listen to what was on her PDA. As she listened she turned white in shock and then red with embarrassment. "Thank you for not sharing that," she said still shaking. "Also, you've passed the test."
"Test?"
"Yes, I was asked to do that to you, to see how you reacted and behaved. Little tests are often used to see how year one students react to situations. We knew you would be able to exact some form of revenge, and it was needed to know if you would put the good of others before yourself. You just did that."
I stared at Stacy who shook her head, "No it wasn't me and no, I'm not telling you who."
"Was it a student or someone else at the school?" I asked trying to narrow the list.
"Yes," was the only reply I got. Ahhhh, how much more frustrating can she be?
Brenda pressed a few buttons and sent a copy to Stacy to listen to. Her eye's widened as she listened. When it was finished she deleted it and said, "How long did it take to put that together?"
"About an hour," I said. "Do you want me to discuss this with Julia, to get the loophole closed?"
"That might be advisable," agreed Stacy. Brenda was just nodding her head like mad.
Ingrid, Fran and Helen had sat there patiently while this discussion occurred. I know Helen would want to know what I did. The other two, after a year at the school, knew better than to ask.
It was nearly one in the morning by the time Helen and got back to our rooms. There was no way I was going to do an early morning cycle ride. When we'd got in Helen had gone into by wardrobe and removed a simple nightie.
"That's not on," I said. "You were wearing pyjamas."
"That's true," she said. "If I wear a matching nightie, will you wear it?"
After a few minutes of mentally reminding myself that it was just clothes, I nodded my head. We both quickly got ready for bed in our own bathrooms. I placed the breast forms back in their box and into the draw before joining Helen in bed. We were soon both asleep, exhausted from the days adventures.
I awoke and the adventure of the previous day came flooding back to me. I felt Helen's arm draped across my body and I sighed with contentment. When I heard her stir I turned over to face her.
"Morning," I said smiling and gave her a gentle kiss.
"Hi," she replied her face lighting up. She lazily ran her hands up over my side. "How's the nightie?"
"It was fine," I replied. "Just nightclothes."
"Oh," she replied a bit sadly.
"Helen, do you prefer me as Jayne?"
"Sort of," she eventually replied. "You don't act much differently. The clothes appear to fit your appearance a lot better though. Sorry."
"I'm glad you're happy."
"How do you feel?"
"With my hands!"
Helen smiled and tried to tickle me. I returned the favour and my hand accidentally brushed over her developing breasts.
"Oh sorry," I uttered in horror, quickly moving my hand back to myself.
"It's okay," she replied. However, the early morning laziness of being close together had gone. We were far too young to take things further, even if we were ready.
"I better go and have a shower," I eventually suggested. "We don't want to miss breakfast."
"That's true," reluctantly agreed Helen. I'd never seen the look she had in her eyes before. It looked like sheer bliss.
After my shower, I went into my wardrobe and started to pull out male clothes. When I turned around, I saw the nightie on my bed that I'd warn the previous night, reminding me that I should be Jayne. I carefully put back the male clothes and routed for something appropriate for church on a Sunday.
I came out with an ankle length skirt, nice top, bra and panties. I found the gaff and after a few seconds tucked myself before starting to get dressed. I found the bra difficult but persevered as I would be doing this for a few weeks and didn't want to be reliant on Helen. I placed the breast forms loosely inside the bra and finished dressing. I placed the wig on my head and walked to the interconnecting door which we always shut when we were getting dressed.
I knocked.
"I was just about to knock," said Helen opening to door. I almost fell on the floor. Helen was wearing things of a similar style to what I was wearing. The base colours were different to correctly reflect our own colourings, but they were in essence the same.
Her eyes lit up in amusement when she saw what I was wearing. "Where are your shoes?"
"I was unsure which pair to wear," I confessed. "I didn't want to try ones with heels but was unsure if sandals would be appropriate for church."
"Good thought. Let's go to breakfast wearing sandals and we can ask."
We had a packed morning because straight after breakfast we had a meeting with the vicar regarding Helens concerns over sexuality, followed by a communion service. Hopefully sometime after eleven o'clock we might have some time to ourselves. Things weren't destined to work out like that though.
"Have a seat," said George Trent as Helen and I walked into the vicar's office. I wonder if the school got a discount when they ordered all these nice comfy settees. They were all so similar in style. "Dr Ruiz mentioned that Helen had a few questions? Sorry, but which one of you is Helen."
I looked at the vicar again, wondering if he had lost his faculties. He looked nothing like I imagined him to be. For some reason I had expected a young vicar, perhaps trying to look trendy. George was nothing like that. He looked to be in his early fifties, smart and very professional looking.
"I'm Jayne," I answered.
"And I'm Helen," said Helen with a wry smile.
"Ah, excellent. Rachel said you had worries that being identified as a lesbian might cause you to go to hell?"
"Er, something like that," replied Helen looking slightly embarrassed. "I'm sorry if I'm wasting your time with something so silly and trivial."
"It's not at all silly and trivial. Faith is important to you, or you would not have had such questions. Now things always get a bit confused at this school, so can you please both tell me your sex at birth?"
"I was born male," I answered quietly. "This is just temporary. My male name is David."
"I was born female," Helen answered, "And I'm happy staying that way."
"That's great," said George, leaning back on his chair. "Now, why do you think you will go to hell?"
"Well, it's a bit difficult," said Helen blushing.
"It's okay," replied George. "I've talked about issues like this before. I'm not going to judge you. I'm not going to be shocked."
Helen blushed hard and fell silent for a minute, plucking up the courage to speak. George just sat back on his chair and waited.
"I love Jayne," she eventually whispered, frightened of saying it too loudly.
"Ah," whispered back George leaning towards her, "and do you love David?"
"Yes, though I always saw David as being a girl inside," she replied leaning closer.
"Did you know," started the vicar in a conspiratorial tone, while looking carefully around, "that God can hear whispers as easily as shouted voices?"
Helen's head snapped up and she saw the solemn look on the vicar's face. She stared for a moment, wondering what to make of his statement, when she saw the corners of his mouth start to twitch. Helen gave a slight smile, which was returned by the vicar. I just sat back upright, hoping Helen would be okay.
"Now," continued George in his normal tone. "What if Jayne, decides to go back to being David. Would you still love him?"
"Of course," replied Helen. "I love him."
"Then why do you worry?"
"Because it's a sin to be a homosexual and therefore I will go to hell."
"Will you?" replied George, sounding shocked.
"Uh?"
"I'm not going to go into if homosexuality is a sin or even if you are in a homosexual relationship. That is a discussion that will take a lot longer than we currently have. However, nobody on this world is perfect. We can only aim to try and live by the standards set but we will fail. God, however, doesn't just forgive our sins, he forgets them. I'm not saying you should go out and commit multitudes of sins but if you are truly repentant then I don't see why you should go to hell."
"But is it wrong?" again asked Helen. "I've not made love with Jayne, so am I sinful for thoughts?"
George sighed. "Rachel said that you attended church regularly before coming here. Do you remember the prayer you say early into the service where you ask for God's forgiveness?
Almighty God, our heavenly Father,
we have sinned against you
and against our neighbour
in thought and word and deed,
through negligence, through weakness,
through our own deliberate fault.
We are truly sorry
and repent of all our sins.
For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ,
who died for us,
forgive us all that is past
and grant that we may serve you in newness of life
to the glory of your name.
You can sin, not just in action but also thought. Sex at your age is illegal so I don't need to discuss about sex before marriage."
"So is love a sin?" I asked.
"It can be. Take one of the most famous quotes, 'the love of money is the root of all evils'. If you look back at the Ten Commandments it mentions about not lusting after married people; you shall not covet your neighbour's wife."
"So are we okay?" asked Helen.
"Why don't you come to the service and see how you feel about it," replied George. "You will find I am very liberal about certain things. I believe that you get closer to God, through love and honesty."
I'd not been to a church service for years as my parents didn't approve so it was with some trepidation that I went through the door into the chapel. I quickly looked around and noticed that the majority of the school were in attendance, though Helen and I were the only year one students.
I sat next to Helen towards the back of the church. A few moments later Fran and Ingrid sat on the same pew as us. I nervously began to gaze around the church. The bare walls were a huge contrast to the highly decorated main building.
"What will I do about communion?" I whispered in a slightly panicked state. "I'm going to stand out a mile."
"Do what I do," reassured Helen. "I'm not confirmed yet. I should have asked the vicar if they do confirmation classes."
The service started and in the first hymn I found that the school took as much pride in singing skills as they did in the orchestra. The harmony of the voices echoed round the chapel as the final cadence of the organ ended the first hymn.
"How did you find that?" Helen asked as we left at the end of the service.
"It was a lot better than I thought. I was very nervous about going for communion but everyone made it seem like it was no big deal. Can we go and change?"
"Sounds good to me."
Once changed into something more relaxing, they went down to the year one common room and found the other six year-one student's.
"We wondered where you were," stated Brian as we walked into the room.
"We went to church," replied Helen.
"I didn't know there was one," replied Richard. "Do many go?"
Helen filled everyone in, while I sat back and recovered. I was still amazed at how unfazed everyone was with me dressing as a girl. What I found even more worrying was how little I thought about it.
After a traditional Sunday lunch, where I was treated to half a glass of wine, we had a little break before the afternoon orchestra practice. The Sunday practice was an hour longer, running for three hours instead of the two hours during the week. All of us year one students played a nice relaxing game before practice so all went into the hall together. A few other students were already there, most busily putting their instruments together and generally warming them up.
I smiled to myself to see Jill already there, her instrument out. As I was taking out my instrument Jill started warming up and soon her random notes and scales, turned into her playing a piece of music. The normal chatter of people coming in vanished as the soulful melody swept across the room and tugged at their heart strings. I glanced at Helen who was sitting not far from Jill and saw a look of major concern on her face. Warm up songs were normally just something subconscious, so to play a tune with so much pain in it was very concerning.
I didn't get chance to speak with Jill, as no sooner than Jill had finished Mrs Russell appeared and started the rehearsal. "Okay, does everyone have with them the schedule I created on Friday, for what piece of music we would rehearse on which days?"
There was a general muttering as people took out their copies. "Okay, I want you to rip it up. Since the field trip is being brought forward we will have to bring forward finalising the music we will play. We are going to still do the 1812 Overture to finish the concert but we will be doing a few other pieces which Lewis is going to distribute now. Since we don't have much time, we will be rehearsing daily. Times will be uploaded onto your PDA's later today."
Lewis handed round the music and everyone scanned them to see how hard they were. I'd never heard of La Mer but I think I'd heard the other pieces. However, when I came across Sinfonia Concertante I quickly called him back. "Er Lewis, are you sure this is correct?"
"Yes," he replied with a slight smile. "It seems Helen, Jill and Wendy and you have the honour."
"But...but," I started to stutter but failed to get the words out. "I can't do this. My playing sucks."
Lewis just shrugged his shoulders, "I just was doing as asked. I think you play fine."
"But surly Kevin, being in year four, ought to play."
"Keep me out of this," he laughed. "I don't want to have to sit up front. Anyway, don't you want to play along side Helen?"
"I suppose," I murmured, turning slightly red. "So you don't care?"
"No. It will be good experience, and anyway you're a better player than me."
"No I'm not," I replied. "If I was we would be in different seats."
"I don't think it will be long before that happens. Horn isn't my primary instrument. I only took it up due to lack of players. I used to play violin but there were enough of them."
When all the music was distributed Mrs Russell called everyone to order, "Okay we will start with La Mer. Which I hope you all know means The Sea. This was premiered in 1905 in Paris, so it will be fitting for us to play it a hundred years later. Okay, so from the top-"
I'm not sure what I thought of this piece, Debussy was a bit modern for me. Perhaps it was sitting in the middle of the music that didn't do it justice. I'll just have to track down a copy tonight and listen to it.
"Take a ten minute breather," announced Mrs Russell after we had finished reciting the last segment of La Mer.
I rushed to Jill, only beaten by Helen. "Are you okay?" I heard Helen ask. The rest of the year one students gathered round.
"I'm fine," Jill lied. "It's just been a long day."
"Which we all want to hear about."
Jill looked around and saw our concerned faces and she crumpled slightly. "I'll tell you but not here and not now."
"Do you want to skip rehearsal?" I asked. "We can all go to the common room."
"I'm okay," she replied. "And I don't want to miss the Handel. I played it last year and it is so much better than the Debussy."
"Then after the rehearsal," stated Lewis.
"Back to your seats," shouted Mrs Russell, as she approached the podium.
"I'll make sure she doesn't escape," whispered Helen into my ear, before I scurried off to my seat.
"Is she okay," asked Kevin.
"I don't think so, but she refused to talk about it till after the rehearsal."
"She was worried when Julia had her final operation," confided Kevin as he drained water from his horn by gently rotating it. "However, that was nothing compared to how she is tonight."
"We tried to get her to skip the end of the rehearsal so we could try and help, but she wasn't having anything to do with it."
Was stopped chatting as Mrs Russell raised her baton and we started practicing the first of the five movements written in 1749 to celebrate the Peace of Aix-la-Chapelle. By the end of the rehearsal I didn't think I could blow another note.
As I cleaned out my horn before putting it away, I saw Jill trying to make a quick getaway. However, it looked like Helen and Paula had everything in hand. It took Paula a lot less time to put her flute away than Jill putting away her oboe.
"Jill," I started as I approached her. "Is it that bad?"
"I'll be okay. It's just been a bit of a shock."
"We have half an hour before we eat. Why don't we go to the common room and talk? You might feel better by getting it off your chest."
"Is this your new dress style?"
"No," I replied quietly. "I was practicing yesterday for mix-up Monday when there was a fire alarm. I stayed dressed and it was announced that the field trip would be in three weeks. There are rules that you stay the gender you are when the field trip is announced. Therefore till after the field trip I'll be Jayne."
I noticed Stacy hovering in the background. She gave a nod of approval and said. "Why don't you all go now? I will organise people to put away your chairs and music stands."
I looked around and noticed that Kevin had already taken care of mine and others were busy on the others. "Thanks Stacy."
"Look after her," whispered Stacy into my ear. "If you all need to miss the meal, don't worry. You won't go hungry. Remember; always put emotional issues before all others."
Leaving me with those words of wisdom, Stacy disappeared and I rushed to catch up with everyone else. In the common room the chairs were quickly dragged to one side, leaving a nice empty space. We all huddled together on the plush carpet to give Jill and each other comfort, if required.
"I seem to be causing nothing but trouble," started Jill.
"Hey, this is nothing," I replied. "I had a complete breakdown yesterday and caused Helen to miss lunch,"
"So what happened?" gently asked Helen as she held Jill.
"Adam has moved to the area and he recognised me," explained Jill.
We all looked at each other in confusion. Eventually I asked, "And Adam was?"
"Adam was Tom's best friend. He was one of my tormenters before I moved to Milton Keynes. I heard he blamed my mother for the accident that injured Tom. Since I never went back to the school I never had to see him and suffer his wrath."
"Doesn't anybody at the school know about Bill?"
"No, when I switched to being Jill fulltime I moved schools. A few of the teachers know but that is it. It's wonderful not to worry about being a label; to the other pupils I am a girl."
"And you are worried that you will be treated differently if they find out what's in your underwear?"
"I'll be called a freak. I didn't have the best school life last year and since I've lived fulltime I've been able to concentrate on other things such as Anna."
"Are you sure that Adam recognised you?"
"Oh yeah," she sobbed. "He came up to me yesterday and called me Bill. He said that Monday would be the day he gets his revenge for Tom."
We all inched forward and tried to give comfort to Jill. Helen who had already got Jill in her arms gently rocked her.
"Do you think he would beat you up?"
"I don't know what he's going to do. He was a bully at school and often did the dirty work for Tom. I was lucky that he didn't beat me up when we were in the same class but Tom was always one for humiliation. As much as I despised Tom, he did stop Adam from being physical."
We sat there in silence, each of us wondering what words of comfort we could offer but all failing. The bleakness of the situation rang deep into my heart as I remembered my own days of torture that ended less than a week ago. Was it only five days ago that I nervously left home? So much had happened that it seemed a lifetime ago.
"What about Tom?" Sam queried. "Could he still act as a break? If you contacted Tom would he help?"
We looked up at Jill, hoping that Sam had solved the issue. "Not likely," wailed Jill with a rather unladylike snort. "Tom blames me for his Dad being drunk. He says that if I caused him to get into trouble, which caused an argument between his parents. His Dad then went down to the pub to escape and got drunk. If his Dad wasn't drunk then Tom would be whole and his Dad wouldn't be in prison. So no, I don't think Tom will help."
"They didn't make him a girl then?"
"No, I think he'd rather be dead than that. His penis is about half its previous size and the doctors are unsure how it will react when he goes through puberty. It's doubtful he will ever be able to be a father."
"Have you seen the time?" suddenly asked Lewis. "It's just past seven, so we've missed dinner."
Jill's sniffs suddenly stopped and she gave a rather strange giggle. "Jayne, you only stopped Helen eating. I've stopped the lot of you."
Paula took out her PDA, "Hi, Rachel. Sorry about us not turning up for dinner but we were helping Jill...Oh you knew. Are we too late for the meal? ... Oh thanks. Lewis will be pleased!"
"And?" questioned Lewis as Paula put the PDA in her pocket.
"Calm down Lewis, food is on the way. It seems Stacy had forewarned the kitchen staff straight after the rehearsal that we might be delayed so they kept it from going cold. It seems a bunch of volunteers are bringing it here with lap trays, so let's rearrange the settees."
A few moments later there was a knock on the door, which Emma opened. In came Rachel and a stream of year five students.
"How is Jill doing?" asked Rachel quietly to me.
"She should be okay to go home later," I replied. "It has helped her talking about it. There is the possibility that she might be 'outed' tomorrow, as someone from the school she was at seven months ago has just moved into the area."
Rachel thought for a second, "There is always the offer that was made on Thursday."
"I'd thought about that. However, I think that suggestion would just upset her even more. I don't think that Jill has mentioned any of this to Julia. So it might help if you updated her."
Rachel and the year five students departed and we all tucked into our meals. I made a mental note to thank Stacy when I next saw her. Even though we hadn't been able to help Jill resolve her issue, she knew she wasn't alone. What ever happened we would be there for her.
At half nine Julia knocked on the door. I answered the door and soon after Jill departed for home. That night I did something I'd never done before; I prayed.
"Were you praying?" asked Helen.
"Yes, for Jill. I feel so helpless about tomorrow. I just hope that Jill will be okay."
"So do I," murmured Helen snuggling up to me. "However, we won't know anything till we see Jill at tomorrow's rehearsal."
How do the students cope with the arrival of Mix-up Monday.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 10
Mix-up Monday arrived and we all had to dress differently from how we were when it was announced. Since I'd been dressed as a male at the time of announcement, then I'd have to be Jayne for most of the day. Well, until after orchestra practice, when I'd have to attempt androgynous.
After my shower, I dressed as Jayne. I still had to stop myself from choosing the male clothes. Since I was doing this for the next few weeks, I wonder if I could learn how to glue the breasts on. That might help jog my memory and having to redress when I remembered.
When I saw Helen, I almost laughed. She might be stronger than me, but she looked like a girl in boys clothes. Her hair was still in her usual style and her chest didn't look as flat as a thirteen year old boys.
"How do I look," she asked, with her usual smile.
"Honestly?" I replied.
"Of course," she said, her smile fading.
"Well, you look like a girl in boys clothes," I replied. "The minimum you need is to change your hairstyle a bit and put on that compression vest, to hide your breasts."
"I'm not that big yet," she complained.
"Well they still show. Why don't you put your hair in a ponytail at the neck, instead of a high pony? Oh and use an elastic band instead of a scrunchie."
I went to find the compression vest and when I turned round she was already taking off her top. I threw the vest at Helen and rushed out of the room. I quickly sat on my bed and let out a huge sigh of relief as I removed my panties and gaff Getting turned on while wearing a gaff wasn't something I wanted to do very often.
I contemplated having a shower, but a few moments of pure thoughts and I was calm enough to get dressed again. Helen had taken up my suggestions and was looking a little less feminine.
"You're certainly looking a lot better," I said. "Not quite male, but certainly not female; perhaps androgynous."
"Really?" she asked with a pout.
"With a pout like that, you are nicely back classified as female."
At least her walking didn't let her down. In fact her gait was more on the masculine side. Perhaps she was more a tomboy.
"Have you chosen a name?" I asked as we left for breakfast.
"I thought about calling myself David, but that might have caused some confusion, so I decided on Christopher. I can then call myself Chris for when I'm androgynous."
"Great thinking batman," I said, "but don’t forget to update your school profile."
"Oh yeah," she said pulling out her PDA. After a minute of puzzled tapping she said, "There is something wrong with mine. Everything is in French.'
I quickly pulled out mine and sure enough everything was in French. "Mine's the same. I wonder if they are preparing us for the field trip."
"Well, I've remembered enough French to update my profile, though by the looks of things, no other year one students have."
"Well they weren't around when Keith told us about updating the profiles. Looks like we have a few minutes to spare, so why don't we relax in the common room?"
Inside the year one common room were two girls. By there sizes I presume one was a female Lewis and the other Brian. Brian looked uncomfortable as a girl and looked very much like a boy dressed as a girl. He might have put on girls clothes and tried to present himself as a girl but he failed. The girl that I presume was Lewis looked very upset at being back at her birth gender and had picked clothes that verged on androgynous.
"Let me introduce you to Christopher," I said pointing to my partner.
"Hi Christopher," they replied together.
"I'm Anne," said Lewis. "This wasn't my original name. I just couldn't bear to ever hear that name again."
"I'm Brenda," informed Brian, trying to sound feminine but sounding more like a strangled Mickey Mouse.
"Someone in year five also goes by the name Brenda as their female alias, so if I get confused please forgive me."
"You know someone in year five that well?"
"Andy who plays percussion. We have had a few chats since the incident the other day. If it wasn't for her having the same smile as Andy I would never have guessed." I hoped that Brian wouldn't press the issue as there was no way I could explain why or how I saw Andy as Brenda. Fortunately for me Helen, now Christopher changed the subject.
"You need to update your PDA's to show your alias," Christopher explained. "It certainly will make it easier to work out who people are."
Lewis, now Anne and Brian, now Brenda both pulled out their PDA's. "Something's wrong with mine," started Anne. "Mine is showing in French."
"So is mine," added Brenda.
"Ours are too," replied Christopher. "We think it is to help us prepare for the field trip."
"Oh great," replied Anne in disgust. Brenda just shrugged his shoulders and offered to help Anne.
"Brenda isn't allowed," sighed Brian. "They must only allow one person to have an alias to avoid confusion. I really wanted to have a name starting with B."
"Why don't you try Belinda or Barbara?"
"Do you like Barbara?" he asked Lewis.
"Give it a try."
Brian tapped a few buttons and Barbara was born.
A few minutes later a boy and girl arrived. The boy looked like a masculine version of Sam, so I presume the rather fetching girl was Richard. Sam had made a big effort to try and appear masculine and had pulled it off. Looking again Sam hadn't actually changed much. Perhaps Sam's was born a boy, though I decided to withhold judgement till I saw Sam as a girl. Richard looked very much like Wendy. He looked very relaxed in the way he carried himself in the clothes and I very much doubted that it was the first time.
I introduced Anne, Barbara and Christopher and told Sam and Richard to update their profiles. Again there were complaints about their PDA's being in French but they both managed to update their details without help.
"I was going to be Rachel but I thought that might be confusing, so I've pumped for Jessica," informed Richard.
"Surprisingly I'm going to be Samuel," said Sam with a grin. "Though why don't you just call me Sam for short."
This only left Paula and Emma. Neither of them appeared before it was time for breakfast so we left for the dining room without them. Inside I was surprised to see that nobody looked out of place. Girls looked like girls and boys looked like boys. A great care went into people appearing and behaving as they were dressed. I looked across at the year five table and saw Brenda taking away with a dashing young man, who I could only presume was Stacy. Impressive. I quickly pulled up Stacy's information and found her male alias was Marcus.
Neither Emma nor Paula was at our table and instead of Dan, Mr Hobson and another lady was there.
"Sit down," said Mr Hobson. "Let me introduce you to Kelly Baxter. She will be judging you today. If you have any questions in how to portray yourself, she is the lady to ask. Now Emma is very upset about showing herself in male clothes and is having a chat with Dan."
"You're doing very well," said Kelly quietly to me. "I'd like to arrange for you to see me on Wednesday for some tips."
"Thank you," I replied. "I will need them. Till two days ago I'd never tried to dress as a girl and I will need all the help I can. I don't think I thanked you properly for the lovely meal last week. You have a lovely house."
"Why thank you," smiled Kelly slightly shaking her head. I was unsure what she meant by that and I didn't really think I wanted to, so I kept quiet.
"Before we commence with breakfast," said Mr Hobson as he stood up. "Some of you might have noticed that your PDA's are now in French mode. They will stay that way till after the field trip. After breakfast all television and radio stations will be locked to French speaking stations. After breakfast, I would also like you to try and conduct all your conversations in French. Years three, four and five shouldn't have any trouble as they all have studied French a few years ago. Years one and two might find it a bit more of a challenge but I hope you find the challenge a worthy one. So enjoy your last small talk in English for a little while. Enjoy your breakfast."
All the people on the year one table turned their gaze to Brian, now Barbara. She gave a small laugh and said, "I'll help as much as I can. If you get stuck just ask."
In the corner of my eye I noticed Mr Hobson nodding his head in approval.
After we had cleared away and before we disappeared to our first lesson, Mr Hobson said, "Sam, you need to change just before lunch. You're therefore excused from your specialist lesson. Also classes will start fifteen minutes late as I want to speak with you all. Is it okay if I join you in your common room, or would you rather do it in a classroom?"
We all looked round at each other and I noticed we were all nodding. "The common room sounds a good idea," I replied for us all and we all departed to find out what Mr Hobson wanted. He was joined by Kelly and four of the psychiatrists. Dan was obviously still with Emma and Paula.
"Okay, initial impressions are that you have all made an effort to achieve your goals. Some have succeeded more than others, due to various reasons. Kelly will be shadowing you during the day, so if you have any questions than please ask her. She speaks fluent French but the conversation might go beyond your level of French so feel free to speak in English if that is needed. If trying to portray yourself in the opposite gender gets too much then please seek help from a fellow pupil or any of the psychiatrists. It is meant as an opportunity for you to learn more about yourselves and others here."
As he finished the door opened and in came Emma with a male. We all ignored the adults and crowded round them, all giving Emma hugs.
"Thank you," she said rather shakily. It sounded like her voice hadn't recovered from her earlier trauma. "By the way, let me introduce you to Paul. He's far braver than I've been."
"No more of that," said Paul, trying to sound masculine, but failing. "You tried and it was too much. Nobody thinks any less of you."
"You've been very brave," I said. "It takes a lot of guts to admit it isn't something you can do and you got help, which is the right way forward."
"Il est temps pour votre premiá¨re leçon," said Mr Hobson.
I loitered for a moment to have a quiet word with Rachel. "Any news from Jill?"
"Jill is at Anna's this morning while Julia is here. This afternoon Julia will stay home till she comes in with Jill for orchestra practice. Jill will get changed here for her part in Mix-up Monday so her neighbours don't see anything strange."
"If anything happens, you will let me know?" I asked.
"If I can," she said promising nothing.
"Oh and can I see someone about getting adhesive for the breast forms?"
"Book yourself an appointment with the school nurse during your study period."
I caught up with the others just as they were entering the classroom for an hour of Mathematics. Kelly sat at the back to observe and we just took our normal seats.
"Bonjour."
I looked around to see everyone's face fall. It seemed, like me, that they had hoped that Mr Hobson had been joking about everyone speaking French. Are we really going to have our lessons in French? I wonder if we shall have our English lesson conducted in French. I just hoped that speaking French wouldn't stop my newfound skill in maths.
Now and again a word or phrase would be said that we didn't understand and would get translated. We were then expected to remember and use in future. It was hard enough trying to understand differential equations let alone know the French.
Lessons progressed as per normal and even in French I was getting much more out of them than at my previous school. I think I'd covered more in a week than I used to do in three months.
At half past eleven I kissed Christopher goodbye and headed up to see the nurse. Her office was next door to Dr Sue's so it wasn't any trouble to find.
"Come in Jayne," she said opening her door. Even though she had never met me, she knew my name. I wonder if there were wanted posters with my name and picture on.
Ten minutes later I'd been given a lesson on the proper way to glue them on and was walking down the corridor with a strange tug on my chest. The adhesive and solvent would be put in my room later. What service.
I joined the others in the common room. They were all there apart from Sam, who was getting changed. Just before lunch a sweet looking girl appeared. She wasn't a stunner but she looked like a girl, moved like a girl and spoke like a girl. It was at that point that I gave up trying to work out what someone's birth gender was. I'd spent nearly a week with Sam and was still no closer to finding out Sam's birth gender."
Half way through my tuna salad, Rachel came up to me, "Jayne, can you come with me. I need your help with Jill."
"What's happened?" I asked getting up.
"You'll be filled in on the way," she replied.
Christopher got up to accompany me but was stopped. "Christopher, not this time," Rachel said. "You aren't yet fully passable in male mode and there isn't time for you to get changed. Sorry."
I rushed out following the quickly departing Rachel, understanding that we must be going outside the school grounds. I felt flattered that she thought I was passable.
In the hallway I heard another voice, "Can Jayne come with me?"
I looked and saw Marcus. Wow, Stacy even sounded male. Or was it that Marcus was the real person and he did a good job at sounding feminine? I couldn't tell and wasn't about to start having a guessing match.
Rachel turned and saw the look of determination on his face and just nodded her agreement. Once out the front door we all broke into a run. Rachel got into her car and I followed Marcus to another one.
As Marcus drove the car out of the school gates she said, "Jayne, what you see happen when we pick up Jill mustn't be discussed with anyone other that Helen/Christopher."
"No problem," I replied. "Is Jill okay?"
"It seems there is a group of people outside of Jill's house causing a lot of trouble. There have been threats to them and it isn't safe for them to get out. Anna is also there and there have been a few threats against her. Due to you only being thirteen you weren't going to be asked along. However, Jill won't recognise me or any others."
"So what's going to happen?"
Once the mob has been dealt with, we will drive Jill and Anna back to the school and Julia will drive down herself. Rachel will stay round the corner out of the way.
"Do I dare ask what is planned?" I asked moving my feet from a large canvas bag.
"Due to some of her work at the school, Julia's house is registered as a building which could contain secure information. Therefore the police are treating this as a priority. There has been a nasty rumour that Adam has information regarding the recent terrorist attacks in London."
"But isn't that over the top?"
"Yes," Marcus admitted, "but when he gets released he will be too busy to cause trouble and hopefully the other people he's got to cause trouble won't mix with him in the future. The police moved them on earlier and the mob just came back. The police are waiting for specialist reinforcements. They are short stretched at the moment due to them sending spare people to help in London. Their specialist teams are down there. Apparently there aren't enough police officers trained in firearms for some of the operations they are mounting."
"So where do we fit in?"
"Well firstly, I need you to navigate. Once there we will park in a parallel street and enter from the back. Anna and Jill are terrified. Julia is trying to keep them calm but it is difficult while she is also stopping them getting into the house. Just before we set off, somebody tried to petrol bomb their house. Julia was able to extinguish the fire before it took hold."
"But Adam is only thirteen, how could he do such things?"
"Some people start getting into trouble earlier than others," he replied. "I was attacked when I was eleven by someone my age."
"Attacked?" I said in shock.
"Raped," he replied quietly. "I was born male and was out dressed as a girl. Someone thought it would teach me a lesson."
I put my hand on Marcus's leg as a sign of support. It was the only thing I could do. Marcus needed to concentrate on his driving.
"I'm well past it," he replied, not telling of the nightmares he sometimes still had. "I just don't want to stand by and watch someone else get terrorised. There is a map in the bag. I want you to find Browns Wood and direct me there. There are also two headsets, put one on and pass me the other."
I passed her the headset, put mine on and studied the map. "I've found it. Stay on this road till we get to the roundabout. As long as there isn't a train due we can take a shortcut."
Marcus just nodded, driving the car along the road faster than she should have done.
"It looks like a few more have joined," I heard Julia's say via the headset.
"Take the forth exit," I told Marcus, trying to keep my voice from showing the panic in my voice.
The roundabout was clear and we went round quicker than I'd have liked. Marcus opened up the engine and we were soon going through a level crossing, which started to close just behind us. Two minutes later we were in a road parallel to where Jill lived.
"Julia, we are in position," informed Marcus into his headset, grabbing the bag. "Get Jill to unlock the back door when she sees Jayne."
"Acknowledged."
As we made our way quickly through a side gate into someone else's back garden I asked, "I thought we were too young to go on a mission?"
"This isn't a mission," he responded. "We are helping a friend."
Marcus gave me a leg up and I was thrust over the fence. Nobody at my old school would have believed that I could ever get involved with something like this. David Grant jumping over fences and rescuing people under attack. I couldn't believe it myself.
After I picked myself up and felt the scratches I hissed, "Go a bit to the right, I fell on a rosebush."
I didn't wait for Marcus but ran towards the house where I saw Jill opening the back door. I really wished I'd worn trousers today. Skirts weren't very practical for rescuing people.
"Where's Anna?" I asked, trying to catch my breath. No wonder we do cycling or running.
"Upstairs, locked in the bathroom," replied Jill in between her worried sobs. "I was there myself till Julia told me to unlock the back door. What are you doing here?"
"Jill, go and get Anna," said Marcus coming through the door. "Keep down and try not to get noticed."
Marcus shut the door and we both sat on the floor, gently getting our breath back. It didn't take Marcus as long as me due to his enhanced fitness level.
"Hi Anna," I said as she came through the door with Jill.
"Who are you?" she asked, her face marked with tear stains.
"That’s Jayne. You might know her as David," informed Jill, blowing her nose.
"Oh," replied Anna. "It suits you."
"Thank you, I think. This is Marcus," I said introducing my fellow rescuer.
Anna looked at Jill but Jill just shook her head. "I've never met Marcus before."
"You have," he said. "I'll tell you later. Just think about the activity going on at the school today. Now, how do you feel about going over the back fence?"
"I don't think I could make it," said Anna as she broke down into tears again. "Did you come that way?"
"Yes, Marcus pushed me over the fence and then managed to get over himself."
"Looks like you fell into the rosebush," said Jill, looking at my scratches.
"Yeah."
"I want you three to stay in the back," said Marcus. "I heard that the police are going to be coming soon. I'm going to check on Julia."
"The police were no help earlier," sobbed Anna. "What are they going to do, send in the army?"
A single police siren broke through the noise of the protesters and Jill broke into a hysterical laugh, "What is a single police car going to do?"
A few seconds later a couple of shots rang out through the air, which I could only hope were warning shots. Jill and Anna stopped crying and looked frightened. I pulled them into me. "It's going to be okay," I reassured them.
The chanting from the mob stopped. I held onto the two frightened girls, waiting for the all clear. We saw a man run into the garden. I presume he'd jumped over the fence.
Anna started to give a small scream which I muffled with my hand. "Shush," I hissed. "You don't want him to see us."
"That’s Adam," hissed Jill.
"Put your hands into the air," boomed a voice in the garden and I saw two armed police officers approach Adam.
I watched in amazement as he was ordered, while under the gaze of two high powered riffles, to strip. Adam was stupid enough to refuse and one of the officers fired a warning shot just by his feet. I don't think I've seen someone get naked so quickly. Not a pleasant sight. He was soon in a special gown and being carted off.
"Wow," said Anna, peeping from behind Jill. "That's just like what happened when they arrested that terrorist in London. Did they really think he had explosive strapped to his body?"
Marcus came through the door with Julia and a police officer.
"Are you ladies okay," he asked.
"I think they are shaken," replied Julia, who looked like nothing had happened. "Marcus parked round the corner, would it be possible for them to leave?"
"Of course," he replied, "though it might be best if you get the car and bring it round."
"Why such a big scene on arresting Adam?" asked Jill.
"He might be linked to the current terrorist threat," replied the policeman. "We received a tip off earlier and we were hunting for him. You should be glad that the policeman that attempted to move them on earlier had recognised him."
Jill and Anna looked surprised so I said, "It's strange times, we are just so grateful."
"Oh yes," they replied simultaneously.
"Julia, just a reminder," said the policeman suddenly remembering something. "You will need to fill an incident form within twelve hours."
"Er thanks," replied Julia giving the policeman a meaningful glance.
"Oh, er sorry," he replied.
Marcus pulled up and we were escorted to his car. I climbed in the back with Jill and Anna, so I could give comfort if needed.
"I'll see you soon," said Julia to Jill, giving her a hug. "I just need to secure the house."
Marcus slipped the car into gear and drove off, leaving Julia to sort out the mess and answer questions from inquisitive neighbours.
"This isn't the way to my house," said Anna.
"I was going to take you to Hayfield Hall," replied Marcus. "You should be safe there."
"As guests or pupils?" asked Jill suddenly.
"Pupils."
"Then I refuse to allow Anna as my study partner," Jill responded.
"WHAT!" Marcus screeched, quickly pulling into a lay-by.
"I found out last week that Jill was aware that pupils are not able to see their family during or after there stay at school," I replied wearily. "Jill does not want Anna to go to the school because she is aware of the closeness between Anna and her parents."
"What about what I want?" Anna asked.
"What do you want?"
"I want to be with Jill," she replied. "If my parents agree to me going to the school then I will go. With all the fuss outside Jill's house it won't just have caused Jill difficulties but also me. I'm known to be good friends with Jill and people will understand that I knew Jill's secret. You must have heard my name was being chanted as much as Jill's or Julia's. I take it I would still be allowed to correspond with my family, but just not discuss the going's on at the school?"
"Yes, you can still correspond with your family," Marcus replied.
"Today we are running something called Mix-up Monday," Marcus explained. "That is where the boys dress as girls and girls dress as boys. Would you be willing to partake in such activities?"
"It sounds a bit strange," she replied, "but I don't see any problem. I helped Bill dress as Jill for the first time. I'm sure I could cope with dressing as a man. I take it that you are a girl. I'm very impressed."
"Do you remember the girl that welcomed you to the school? That's me."
"Stacy?" gasped Jill. "Wow."
"Marcus, can we get Rachel to meet us at Anna's parents house. That way she can discuss things with her parents."
"My parents are both at work."
"Rachel will track them down," Marcus said confidently. "Stay here, while I ring her."
Marcus got a mobile phone out of the bag and moved away from the car. When he came back he looked a lot better, less grim.
"Rachel was just down the road. She has contacted your Dad, Anna, and he will be home in fifteen minutes. He is also contacting your Mum so she can join the discussion."
We all chatted quietly for fifteen minutes and then headed to Anna's parents house. When we arrived, Rachel had just finished briefing Anna's parents on the mob attack. They quickly got up and were suddenly hugging their daughter and Jill. It brought tears to my eyes seeing a genuinely happy family being broken apart by a nutter. I was glad that Helen wasn't here to witness this.
"Jill's secret is out," Anna explained. "So she will never be treated as if she was born a girl and she might have to experience such intolerances again. She has been offered a place at Hayfield Hall as a fulltime student. That school is tolerant about people with gender issues."
"Do you start in September?" asked Mrs Scott.
"The pupils at that school live there all year round," explained Mr Scott to his wife. "What I think Anna is trying to say is, that if Jill goes she will never see us again, or Anna again."
Mrs Scott was so shocked it didn't occur to her to ask how he knew. "Oh Anna," she said, scooping her daughter into her arms. "I know you love Jill so much."
"I can go with Jill," she said, "but then I won't see you."
I was grateful that Anna didn't say 'ever' on the end of the last statement. I think she realised that if she did, then they would never agree to it.
"But educationally, what's the school like?" asked Mr Scott.
"The students are highly intelligent and most take there exams earlier. Currently all the students that are sixteen have five top grade A-Levels. That is two years earlier than other schools."
After what Mr and Mrs Scott thought was an in depth discussion of the school, it was decided that Anna would accompany Jill and Beth would move in with the Scott's.
"Anna, shall I help you pack?" asked Mrs Scott.
"Lisa, all the student needs are provided, including clothing. Students don't take anything with them," patiently explained Rachel.
"Oh," was Lisa Scott's only reply sad at not having a few moments alone with her daughter for the last time.
"I could do with some fresh air," I said getting up. "Please excuse me."
"Me too," said Marcus cottoning on to my train of thought.
"And I need to organise things at the school," said Rachel. "Before I go, I need to give you this card. This is a special PO Box number which we collect from once a week. We don't allow visitors so we don't give out the address of the school. As you can see, there is an emergency non-geographic phone number. That is constantly manned but must only be used in conditions such as death of a family member."
Marcus and I climbed into the car and waited while Rachel drove off back to the school.
"I can't believe it was only six days ago since I left home," I mentioned, staring out of the window car window having moved to the front of the car. "It seems like a lifetime ago."
"You've not experienced much yet," replied Marcus with a smile. "The fun has barely started."
I was about to ask what he meant by that, but I didn't get chance as Jill and Anna walked to the car. Both were holding each others hands and both were trying to bravely face their future.
How does everyone cope with two new students during Mix-up Monday
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 11
Jill and Anna looked rather apprehensive as we walked from the car towards the main entrance. Their hands, which they had held all the way from Milton Keynes, were still firmly conjoined.
"That must have been very difficult," I said to them. "I didn't know about the rule when I joined and neither did any of the other students."
"Jill couldn't have stayed at home any longer," said Anna, "and I would hate to loose Jill. I couldn't do it. I've just got to hope that the rules change so I'm able to see my family again."
"I think that most students would love for the rule to change," agreed Marcus. "However, the rule is there to protect us all. If the general public knew what happened in this school, then the school might become a target, just as Jill and Julia were targets today. Oh and please remember that the year one students aren't aware of that rule, so please don't discuss it."
"What happens next?" Jill asked.
"Christopher will show you your rooms and explain about the school in detail. I know, Jill, that you've helped out here for several months but there are a few things that you haven't been told. I'm sure you've picked up some yourself but other things will be new."
"Who's Christopher?" asked Jill. "I don't remember a Christopher."
"Christopher is the male name for Helen," I explained. Then I turned to Marcus and asked, "Why is just Christopher doing it?"
"You need to go and see the nurse and get your grazes checked out. They are probably nothing but Mr Hobson would be very upset if anything happened to you. He was worried enough with me going to Julia's. When he realised that you were the only one that Jill would recognise he took a lot of persuasion. The safety of his pupils is his top priority."
Obviously some rumour must have circulated the school, as when we went through the front door, we saw that all the pupils were gathered. Over the next two minutes Jill and Anna must have been hugged by every student in the school. Even the shy year one students joined in. I only got one hug and that was from Christopher. He attached himself to me as soon as I got through the door and he didn't let go till Marcus coughed.
"Christopher, can I ask you a favour?" Marcus asked, switching back to French.
"Of course," quickly replied Christopher, ever the trusting one.
"Will you look after Jill and Anna?" asked Marcus switching back to English to make sure that Christopher understood. "Jayne needs to go and see the school nurse. Show them to their room and get them into school clothes. After that it might be best to introduce them to the school network. I doubt network ID's will have been created for them yet but give that a try."
"Are you hurt," Christopher asked, looking me over.
"I fell into a rose bush," I said blushing. "It's just scratches."
"I have to get myself checked out as well," added Marcus. "It will keep Mr Hobson from worrying too much."
"It will be getting towards orchestra practice so I'll take them straight to that," decided Christopher. She gave Jayne a quick kiss on the lips and watched as Jayne disappeared after Marcus.
The spontaneous gathering of students in the entrance hall quickly ended and the crowd gradually dissipated. There were no angry words from the teachers about it, they understood how important student interaction was and it was positively encouraged. Two people had just been through a harrowing experience and it was only right that they were there to show love and support. Even though Julia was the only teacher that was transsexual, many of the teachers wished that they'd been to such a supportive school.
"Twice in one day," commented the school nurse when she saw me arrive. "I think this is a record."
"You have such a lovely smile that I couldn't resist," I responded, trying my best to keep a straight face.
After the nurse checked me over and cleaned up the grazes, she pronounced me fit. "You'll be fine. Now this evening you are supposed to be androgynous. Would you like me to remove your breast forms; save you traipsing back to your room?"
"That’s very kind," I said, having totally forgotten the rest of the day's activities.
Soon after, I was placing the two wobbly bits of silicone into the bra cups. It seemed odd not to have them attached to me. It had only been a few hours since they were initially attached and now I felt bereft.
Just as we finished up Mr Hobson appeared. "How are they?" he asked.
"They're both fine. Jayne has a few minor scratches from a rosebush but that is the extent of any physical injuries. I would like both of them to have individual chats with their support person."
"They are both assigned to Dr Ruiz," informed Mr Hobson without needing to check. "I'll ensure that they do that later. I've also scheduled Jill and Anna to speak to her as well but it will be later. Dr Ruiz wants them to know they have friends with the other year one students."
I checked my PDA and after deciphering the French, worked out where Jill and Anna were; in the same room as last time. When I got there, I found Christopher explaining about the computer system. Jill, probably taught by her father, wasn't a computer dummy and it appeared that Anna wasn't either. They soon had a basic grasp on the system and were, with Anna translating for Jill, ordering their evening meal.
"As per before, you can only wear the clothes that the school provides," I reminded them. "Why don't Christopher and I go next to our rooms, which are just opposite, while you get changed? Jill, you said you were going to take part in Mix-up Monday but with today's incident Rachel said you could be excused. Anna, since you weren't aware of it, I presume you don't have to take part."
Christopher and I went to our rooms and snuggled up on the settee in my room. Christopher was pleased to hear that I wasn't going to get infections from the prickles and scooped me into his arms. I don't think I'd ever felt so loved or so wanted before and I never wanted this moment to end. I don't remember anything from that time until there was a tentative knock on the door. I quickly scrambled off Christopher's knee, while he fell into a total heap of giggles. Not a very masculine reaction. Sometimes Helen was so masculine and other times Christopher seemed feminine. I just couldn't work it out.
"Coming," I called, straightening my clothes as I stumbling to the door.
I opened the door to two young boys. They didn't look much different from their female personas so it was quite straight forward to work out who they were.
"Come in," I said swinging the door wider. "I presume you are Bill?"
"Yes, and this is Alan."
I looked them over and wondered how Bill had ever survived as a boy. Even wearing boys clothes and without any padding he looked like a girl.
"Christopher," I chided as I looked more closely at Alan. "Did you explain about the compression vests?"
"Ah," came the slightly embarrassed reply. "I knew I forgot something."
"Alan, in the bedside draw should be a compression vest. It will flatten your breasts so you look a little less feminine. It won't make you look more masculine, but just stop you looking so feminine."
"Do you not need one?" I asked Bill as Alan disappeared.
"Not yet," she replied. "I'm just starting to get my own, so maybe next time. I suppose it depends on how quick I grow."
Alan quickly returned, looking slightly less feminine. I glanced at the clock and saw it was nearly time for orchestra practice, so we wandered down to the hall.
"Do you play an instrument?" I asked as we walked into the hall.
"Not really," Alan replied. "Jill has been trying to teach me how to play the oboe but I'm still not very good."
"I'm sure that Mrs Russell will assign you to something appropriate," mused Christopher as we walked into the hall.
Mr Hobson was chatting with Mrs Russell as we approached the stage. He positively beamed when he saw how Jill and Anna were dressed. "It's great to see you get involved so quickly. Since you haven't been given PDA's let me take your male aliases and enter them on the system. That way people don't get confused and call you the wrong name."
"I'm Bill and Anna goes by Alan."
"Excellent," responded Mr Hobson as he tapped away on his PDA. "Well that's done. Bill, you have an instrument already and Alan, I believe you have also been learning the oboe. I know that you've only been playing for six months, so you'll find the music difficult but see how you get on. How often did you practice?"
"Daily," Alan replied. "Jill encouraged me by playing along with me. It didn't take me long to get used to playing for long periods of time."
"Well you'll certainly get a lot of that here," laughed Mrs Russell handing Alan a case containing an oboe
I watched as Alan quietly followed Bill to their seats. I quickly followed, glad that my first day at school had been a bit more subdued. Heck only four hours ago poor Anna and Jill were under attack. Since then they had been rescued, said good bye to their families, come to a strange school and were now dressed in the opposite gender than they usually dressed. For their sake, I hope they had a quieter Tuesday.
The first thirty minutes of the practice was taken up with Sibelius's Karelia Suite. This was only a short piece of music and wasn't that difficult. Mrs Russell was more concerned about the feel that we portrayed rather than the actual notes. It seems we all needed to lighten our playing during the second movement.
After we'd finished the Karelia Suite we took a short break. "Mozart's Sinfornia Concertante requires a much smaller orchestra," announced Mrs Russell. "Besides the four soloists it only requires strings, two oboes and two horns. I have Tim ... sorry Tina ... down for second horn and Brenda can you join Alan on oboe. Anyone not playing has a large slot of free time."
The first violins and the cello's had been moved back slightly so the four soloists could sit and see each other and still see the conductor. As the break ended Bill seemed to be quite nervous about leaving Alan on his own but soon started to relax when he saw Brenda move in and, with a big friendly grin, start chatting away. The people who weren't playing didn't disappear but sat down and listened to the rehearsal; the music being more important than a computer game.
Mrs Russell raised her hands and silence reigned. The strings opened and a few bars in I clearly heard Brenda and Alan. One had a slightly clearer sound. Neither was as polished or refined as Bill/Jill was but they didn't sound amateurish either. I glanced across at Bill and saw him listening intently, a small upturn in the corners of his mouth the only indication of his pleasure.
After the first movement Mrs Russell stopped and stared at the four soloists. "Oh you might have got the notes correct and generally stayed in time but it sounded like four individual players. There wasn't any interplay between any of you. It isn't a competition but a team effort. Look at each other and try to feel each others needs. I'd advise you having some practice time together."
She then turned her attention to the orchestra and signalled where they ought to be more subtle with their playing. It was a new experience for them all; none of them had played a concerto before.
During the whole eighty minutes the reduced orchestra practiced the Sinfonia Concertante the students that weren't playing sat silently, listening and learning. As the practice ended they stood and applauded. I turned red and I noticed some others did as well.
As I was putting away my instrument, Jessica, aka Richard, came across, not to see me but her sibling who was busy putting away his clarinet. "Hi William."
"I'm not William," fumed Wendy. "I gave up being William and I'm never, ever going back. When I have to be male, I'm Wayne. William is dead."
"I'm sorry," Jessica said, slightly taken aback. "I didn't think."
Jessica turned and started to walk away, tears in her eyes.
"That wasn't called for," I spat. I then turned to Christopher and sweetly asked, "Would you look after my instrument while I speak with William."
I deliberately used the old male name as a show of my distain for the way he was acting. He winced at the use of the name but didn't say anything just continued to put his clarinet away.
"Why should I talk to you," quietly retorted Wayne.
"I can't make you. In fact I should be going to get changed but instead I'm going to sit at one of the picnic tables in the back. I'll wait ten minutes. If you appear we can chat, if not then-" I shrugged my shoulders and left the hall.
I sat on the bench and waited. Just as I was getting up to go back inside Wayne appeared and sat opposite me.
"Why?" I simply asked. "Why are you treating Richard like this?"
"Like what?"
"Oh come off it," I said, my normal good nature fading. "You aren't stupid and neither am I. Ever since Richard tried to run away you have ignored him."
"I tried to save him and he went and got himself caught. It's probably too late now, I saw how happy he is dressed as a girl."
"You saw how he was dressed and how he moved. Do you really think this was his first time?"
"Well you are so passable that you were able to go out and you claim to never have dressed en femme before Saturday."
I paused for a moment wondering how to explain things. "Richard didn't want to run away. He hasn't been a happy person at home or at school. At school he was bullied and when he wasn't being beaten up he was being threatened. The school did nothing about it and basically accused Richard of inviting the problems on himself. Your mother supported him but your father just ignored him. Your father didn't do anything to resolve the situation. The only reason Richard tried to run away was because you asked him to. Richard thinks the world of you and you just spat in his face. Today Richard was dressed as Jessica and was unsure what you would think of him. He supported you last week when you introduced Wendy to him. Did you do anything to help him? Did you show support? No, you pushed him away."
Wayne lost his masculine front and appeared to look like Wendy trying to be a boy. Her face crumpled and she burst into tears. I got up and instead of comforting her I walked through the door into the school. I noticed a boy hovering and I assumed it was Yvonne still dressed as a man. "Wendy will need you," I said. "I think she has just realised how selfish she's been."
As I walked towards my room, my PDA suddenly started making a wailing noise. I grabbed it and in English were the words in bright red, "SUICIDE ATTEMPT". I clicked on it and when I saw the name ran towards the student accommodation. When I got to the hallway there was already a crowd of people waiting to make sure the person was okay.
"Tracy and Dr Sue are in there at the moment," sobbed Christopher. I didn't say anything due to my own tears. We just hung onto each other.
I heard some commotion at the back of the crowd and saw a distraught Wendy being led off by Keith Thompson.
The crowd parted for Mr Hobson to come through. He entered the bedroom and in a few moments came out. "Richard is alive," he announced gravely. "Mix-up Monday is cancelled so please go and get changed. For the next 24 hours you mustn't go anywhere without your study partner. It's been three years since we last had a suicide attempt so I will reiterate the rules before we eat. I know you are all going to be concerned so the PDA's system will show the current status."
The joviality of the day's competition was replaced by a rather pensive mood. The dinning room was subdued and reflective. One of us had tried to kill themselves. The primary aim of the school was to teach the students in a safe environment and it had failed. Suicide was something that a lot of us had contemplated and a few had probably attempted before coming to the school. I looked around at the other students and saw many tear strained faces, not just in year one students but across the school; pupils and teachers alike.
As Mr Hobson rose, the silence stiffened. Nobody twitched a muscle as they awaited his words. He steadied himself and looked slowly across at the students. What must have been going through his mind?
"Today Richard Barnes tried to kill himself. To save the rumour mill working overtime, Richard took his bedding and tried to hang himself using it. It was only due to Sam being so observant that he failed. Richard was checked over by Dr Sue and isn't in any danger. Tracy is speaking with Richard to try and overcome the issues that made him attempt this. You might have noticed that Wendy and Yvonne are also not present. Wendy is currently very distraught about her sibling's attempted suicide. She wrongly blames herself for Richard's suicide attempt."
There was a general buzz around the dining room. Many students had thought that Wendy might have been to blame with the way that she had treated her brother at the end of the rehearsal.
"Yes," said Mr Hobson over the hum of chatter. "I know it sounds incredible but the way Wendy treated Richard almost stopped him committing suicide. Let's remember how stressful this school can be for some people. Finding out whom or what we are is never something to be treated lightly. I hope we all show compassion to Richard and Wendy over the coming days."
Mr Hobson paused and took a sip of his water. "Till tomorrow night I don't want any student to be alone at any stage. Any sign of depression or unexpected moodiness must be immediately reported to one of the psychiatrists, your year leader or any member of staff. I'd rather get woken in the middle of the night due to a student having a nightmare than finding a student dead the next morning. After the meal I want you all to gather in your years common rooms and make sure that you talk about any issues you have. A psychiatrist per year will be on standby to help with any issues that you might have."
The meal, while excellent, didn't sit easily on my stomach. There was an eerie silence as the meal progressed. Even Dan didn't seem very happy and didn't engage any of us in conversation.
"It's not normally like this," reassured Dan to Anna and Jill.
"At least you have the resources to cope with items like this," commented Anna. "If he'd done this at home I doubt he would have survived. Why the sudden demand on people sticking together for the next day? Isn't it like closing the stable door after the horse has bolted?"
"No," replied Dan. "When there is a suicide or suicide attempt, there is a higher likelihood of someone else attempting. It gives them the extra confidence that they aren't alone. This scenario normally lasts a few hours but we don't want to take risks. After the meal can I tag along with you to your common room? I need to have a private chat with all of you."
So as per the agreement Dan followed us into the common room.
Paula was the first in and shrieked "Jessica!"
The rest of us couldn't get in there quick enough. There wearing a skirt and halter top was Jessica with Sam, back in androgynous clothes, sitting next to her. Poor Sam quickly had to get out of the way as Jessica was smothered in hugs.
"Enough, enough," said Sam pushing us away. "If you're not careful you'll smother her and we've just been through enough in saving her life."
Anna and Jill stood a bit apart as we crowded around. I pulled them in as they were now part of our family.
We were interrupted by Dan clearing his throat. "If I can say my bit, then I can leave you all to work things out. First thing is that tonight's curfew has been waived. If you need to stay past ten to discuss matters then so be it. Second is to do with the suicide watch you are all under. Your must stay in pairs till tomorrows evening meal; that includes tonight. I know one pair already spend every night sharing a bed and I suspect another one perhaps will. If the rest of you aren't comfortable with that we can arrange a "sleepover" in the common room. We have sleeping bags available."
"Who already sleeps together?" asked Paula. "I thought we weren't allowed to do that?"
"Underage sex is illegal and is actively discouraged. I don't believe either of the pairs are having sex; just sharing the same bed."
"But who?"
I glanced at Helen who squeezed my hand, "Helen and I have slept in the same bed but we've never had sex."
"Jill and I have slept together before but we've never had sex. We slept together when we were guests last week and we will probably share the same bed. We need the comfort we both can offer each other."
There was a slight discussion and everyone agreed that they would share the same bed as their study partner. "I'll leave you to discuss things," he said. "I'm your main contact till breakfast. If you need me, call me. I'd rather get called over a bad dream, than wake up to a crisis. Oh and before tomorrow morning you need to elect a year leader, the details are on your PDA's. It's all anonymous; just click on who you want. Obviously you can't vote for yourself and you can't vote for your study partner either."
With that Dan left us. We pushed the settees back and made a comfort zone in the middle of the room, where we all gathered round.
"Are you sure you're going to be okay," Emma asked Jessica.
"Yeah, I'll be fine now," replied Jessica breaking down. "I can't believe how people actually do care. I've not felt love like this for ages. I just feel so silly now as all I needed to do was talk."
Jessica, who was sat between Sam's legs, began to weep more steadily. Anna jumped up and grabbed a couple of boxes of tissues and handed them round. Sam began to gently rock Jessica in an aim to comfort her.
"You don't have to tell us," I said gently.
"No, I want to," she replied, trying to compose herself. "I need to, though there isn't much to say. Before I came to Hayfield Hall I had secretly dressed in women's clothes for over a year. I was never caught but always was ashamed of the desire. I tried to stop and had resisted dressing since coming to the school. I was so tempted when I saw Wendy but resisted. When I dressed earlier and nobody cared, I was in heaven. It was the best day in my life."
Jessica stopped and hung her head. After a few seconds pause I asked, "What made you decide to end it?"
"I couldn't stand going back to being Richard," sobbed Jessica. "I was frightened I'd never get to be Jessica ever again. I just couldn't think straight and would have preferred to die as Jessica now than Richard in the future. After chatting with Tracy I have a preliminary diagnosis of being gender dysphoric. I'm scheduled to see her at eleven every morning to discuss parts of my life. We then can decide where I go, if I want to have a sex-change or what. In the meantime I'm to live as Jessica as I seem to be happier like that. It was the image of Wendy bluntly saying that William was dead replaying in my mind that almost stopped me hanging myself. If it wasn't for that image I would probably not have hesitated and would now be dead."
"So what about the field trip?" asked Emma.
"That is still to be decided. If I need to be Jessica then there is a possibility that I might be allowed, as long as I'm passable. This is why Tracy wants to see a lot of me. She doesn’t want the uncertainty to hang over me."
"That’s not fair," were my initial thoughts. "Why should Jessica get to change after the announcement?" I didn't want to be Jayne. I just wanted to be David."
"Jayne, are you okay?" suddenly came through the fog of my own thoughts.
"Huh?" I asked looking around.
"Are you okay?" repeated Lewis. "You sort of drifted away and it looked like you had tears in your eyes."
"I'm fine," I lied.
"Liar," replied Sam. "You don't want to go on the field trip as Jayne."
"No I don't," I acknowledged. "However, I am not depressed about being Jayne and as long as I'm passable I'll be able to cope. I'm pleased that Jessica has the opportunity to find what she needs to be. I'm not sure if I need to be a boy or a girl. I'm happy as a boy but I've been told I didn't act like one."
"How many times did you dress as a girl before Saturday?"
"Never. Saturday was the first time."
"No way," said Lewis.
"David was always feminine and I've known him for years," said Helen, sticking up for me.
"David has never tucked before and wasn't aware of a lot of terms, so I'm afraid it's probably true," added Emma. "It took me ages to be passable. If you acted that feminine when you were at school it's a wonder you weren't beaten up."
"A few years ago I used to get beaten up. I used to be friends with Helen and a few other girls and I got called names such as 'pansy' and worse. When I stopped seeing them things got slightly better, though I was always at risk for a good pasting. It was only the other week that my brother saved me from another beating. I found out the other day that Helen thought I was a transsexual and it made her fancy me even more."
"So Helen, are you the boy in the relationship?" asked Lewis.
"Rachel has implied that I have some masculine qualities but I don't feel like I want to be a boy. I don't feel any need to have my breasts removed or cut my hair short. I never fancied girls or boys at school. The only person that I ever fancied was David, who I thought was neither or is that both."
"I'm just me," I said with a shrug.
"That sounds familiar," echoed Sam, Lewis, Jessica and Emma.
"While we are doing home truths," said Paula. "Jessica, do you know what sex Sam is?"
"Of course, like you probably knew on the first day about Emma's history. However, I'm not saying what is on Sam's birth certificate. Sam is Sam. If Sam ever wants to explain that is up to Sam."
"One day I will tell you," Sam said. "However, I'm not sure enough what I am and until I decide then I want to be neither."
"Well you do it very well," complimented Anna. "I've no idea if you are a boy or a girl."
"What was it like living where you did," I asked. "When we picked you up it didn't seem a very nice area."
"It's a strange area of Cheltenham," Sam replied. "It is the poorest and roughest area yet it is right next to GCHQ, the top secret listening station. Also, down the road you have Pate's Grammar School, which is one of the top schools in the country. I avoided getting mugged due to always dressing so badly. I was an odd one out at school and kept myself hidden from all around. I used to spend my lunch hours either fiddling with electronics in the school labs, or practicing my violin."
"I thought that was just Jill that did that," said Anna. The others just smiled probably remembering lunches hidden away from the rest of society.
"So where do you fit into the puzzle of life," Sam asked Anna.
"Well Jill explained the other day how I helped Bill learn how to be Jill when Bill found out about his medical issue. It took me a while to come to terms with my own preferences. I remember one awful shopping trip when I went with Jill. I was frightened of people seeing me as a lesbian. It took Jill's sister, Bethany, to remind me that I loved the person rather than the shell and if I didn't start showing my true feelings it might destroy our relationship."
"Bethany?" I asked. "I thought Jill's sister was Beth, short for Elizabeth?"
"Nope, Beth short for Bethany. It seems Jill had trouble when she was younger saying Bethany so shortened it to Beth and it stuck."
"Since you are both now students, I take it that Adam outed you?" Brian asked Jill.
"Oh yeah," she replied bitterly. "I got outed. Anna and Julia were also targeted by the mob. They vandalised the house and even tried to fire bomb it. I don't know if we would have been able to cope if Marcus and Jayne hadn't turned up."
"Oh, we didn't do anything," I said. "We sneaked in via the back and comforted Jill and Anna till the crowd were moved on."
Jill opened her mouth to say something, which probably would include details of the armed police so I said, "I'm just glad that Jill and Anna are safe. It was a relief when the mob was persuaded to move on without any excitement, wasn't it Jill?"
I glared at Jill and Anna who seemed to finally get the message. "Oh yes, it rates as one of the worst days of my life."
"Are you both okay at coming to the school?" asked Brian. "We all had a choice. While you had a choice it wasn't as big a one as we had."
"Well we had very little choice, as we would have been in danger if we'd stayed in the area," replied Anna. "I suppose my parents could have moved house but that would have taken time. This solved that problem, but it is permanent; we are students now, not guests. The educational facilities in this school look excellent and we should do well. Jill and I sometimes found our previous school a bit boring due to finding the lessons quite easy."
"I had the same," said Paula. "Here they push you but you don't really feel pressure. I've covered more here in a week than I would have done in over a month in my old school."
"I was lucky that the school in Milton Keynes kept my birth details secret," said Jill. "Did they do the same for you Emma and Lewis?"
"I didn't go to school as a boy," said Lewis rather sadly. "Outside school my parents let me live as a boy but at school I had to be a girl. I never wore a girls skirt but the trousers were girls. My hairstyle and general demeanour were masculine and there wasn't anything the school could do about it. Most people in my year knew about me and that didn't seem to be a problem. I think there is a lot less stigma in girls acting butch than boys acting feminine."
"The school were very reluctant to have me at school as a girl," quietly replied Emma. "They did everything they could to make it not happen. My Mum, who was very understanding, threatened them with the Human Rights Act. I'd been diagnosed as gender dysphoric, so the school were actually hindering my medical treatment. My Dad was less happy about me needing to be a girl, he just couldn't understand it. He didn't stand in my way but it was like a huge void opened up between us. He was happy that I was still able to help with the farm and I think that was my only saving grace. The small family farm wasn't very economical so by wearing my old sister's hand-me-downs I saved my parents money."
"How did the other pupils treat you?" asked Lewis.
"Awfully," replied Emma, her composure breaking. Paula pulled Emma onto her lap and gently hugged her. "The school banned me from using the girl's toilet and made me use the boys. The boys didn't want me in there and-." At this point Emma spat out, "they tried to rip off my clothes." After gaining her composure she carried on, "I told the teachers who did it, but the teachers just told them not to do it again. They made no effort to punish the boys. After pressure from my Mum I was allowed to use the disabled toilet. School was hell, but I never stopped going as a girl. I might be away from my parents but at least I don't live in fear. This school has given me the opportunity to thrive."
"What about you Paula and Brian," I asked. "You both have kept very quiet about today's cross-dressing. Was this your first time and what did you think about it?"
"Ooh, sounds like twenty questions," laughed Paula. "Well it was the first time I've gone out of my way to look like a boy but as most girls I mostly wear trousers it wasn't that big a deal. Do I want to be a boy? No but that doesn't make me homophobic. People should be able to dress and act as they feel. I love being a girl but I think Emma is more girly than me."
"How do you feel about me?" asked Emma, with a slight watery smile.
Paula turned a bright shade of red. "I think you are a lovely girl," stammered Paula. "I've never been able to make a friend so quickly. I find it so easy to speak with you."
"It's the same with Lewis," said Brian. "We get on so well, it's like we've known each other for years. We seem to operate on the same wavelength."
"No wonder you were all so quick agreeing to sleep together," laughed Anna. "It seems like the psychiatrists set you all up."
"I don’t care," said Sam with a shrug. "If I can help Jessica get through this then I will be very happy."
"Amen," replied Emma.
"So why did you get sent to Milton Keynes and none of us did?" Brian asked me.
"Because I was the only one that Jill would recognise. She hadn't seen anyone else cross-dressed and she was upset enough without strange people entering the garden."
"Sounds like it was good that you went and not me," agreed Brian.
Paula stifled a yawn. "It's getting late," I said when I saw the time. "We know a lot more about each other, but is that enough? Do any of you feel anything like suicidal?"
There was a lot of shaking of heads. Jessica's PDA went off and she answered it.
"That was Tracy," she said putting the PDA away. "They had to sedate Wendy earlier and she is just coming round and I asked to be there when she woke up."
"I'm coming with you", said Sam firmly.
"Well we can't leave our study partners," reminded Jill. "Should make showering interesting."
I don't think I've seen Emma grin so widely.
"Behave and don't forget to vote," was all I could say as we filed out of the common room; I needed my sleep. I just hope tomorrow was a quieter day.
Will Jessica be okay? Who will win the contest to be the year leader?
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 12
That night I didn't sleep well, I kept thinking if I could have done something to stop Richard attempting suicide. Were there any clues? Well I knew she had dressed before, but there was no indication that she felt that way.
"Any news on Jessica?" asked Helen as she woke up, breaking my self-analysis.
"She is fine, as is Wendy," I replied peering at the PDA. "Oh and we get the results of the year leadership vote just before breakfast."
"Well, there's no way either of us will have won. We keep getting called away and haven't mixed with the others that much."
"That’s true but we have been involved with Richard and Sam quite a bit. Also Emma helped me a bit with preparations last Saturday. I don't really think I'd like to be the year contact; I have enough happening in my life already."
Helen gave a hearty chuckle and nodded her head in an understanding way. We just lay there cuddled together, enjoying the peace of the morning. Eventually Helen gave a contented sigh and said, "We better get up before we miss that meeting."
"I suppose so," I reluctantly replied. "It would also be nice to check on Jill and Anna."
I climbed out of bed and headed towards my bedroom. As soon as I started going through the door my PDA started complaining. "PROXIMITY WARNING" was in bold. Pressing the information button, it informed me I was about to leave the proximity of my study partner, which wasn't allowed.
I looked at Helen and we both remembered that we would need to stay together. What I thought was a little joke by Jill's now suddenly didn't seem so funny. I stood there in shock, not daring to make a move. Helen slid out of bed, gave me a kiss on my cheek and, taking me by my hand, led me into her bathroom.
* * *
"Are you okay?" asked Emma.
Where did she come from? I hadn't seen her come in.
"Are you okay?" Emma asked again.
"Uh, yeah," I replied. I shook my head trying to clear the fog. In fact I don't even remember coming into the common room. I looked across at Helen who was trying her best not to laugh.
"Jayne had never seen a naked girl before," explained Helen. "I think her mind is still playing catch-up."
"You didn't do it, did you?" asked a worried Anna.
"Of course not," replied Helen indignantly. "Though I'm sure it would have been fun!"
I didn't get chance to retort as there was a knock on the door and Jessica let in Mr Hobson.
"Good morning everyone!" jovially greeted Mr Hobson, his cheerful attitude rubbing off on us all and we cheerfully responded. "Okay, I'll keep this quick. We have a draw for the leader so you have two choices, since they're study partners you can either opt to have them joint leaders or we can have a revote. Which would you like?"
"Who won?" queried Brian.
"Helen and Jayne. Hands up those who want them to be joint leaders."
Everyone raised their hands and Helen gave me a hug. "Thank you all. I'm very surprised."
I saw Jessica mouth thank-you to some of the others. Had Jessica manipulated the vote and if so, why?
"One further administrative item which is for Sam to decide, but in the current climate, should be something you are all aware of. Sam, I need you to decide what you want on your passport; Sam, Samantha or Samuel and what gender male or female."
"Mr Samantha Hood doesn't sound right," giggled Jessica. Sam just gave her a friendly punch.
"If you choose female, it would make things easier for you to share a hotel room," pointed out Mr Hobson.
"What would happen if I chose male," asked Sam.
"Things might be easier, or they might be harder. There certainly would be more work in getting things sorted."
"Do I have to decide now?"
"No, but can you let me know by the end of lunch?"
Sam nodded. None of us said anything other than we would support whatever decision was made.
During lessons Sam seemed preoccupied. The teachers must have known that Sam had a difficult choice as they gave more leeway. Jessica and the rest of us helped encourage Sam so not too much learning was lost.
As we went into lunch, Sam was all smiles. "I've made a decision. For the passport I will be classified as female but have the name Sam listed. That and the hotel should be the only things that worry about my gender. For the rest of the trip I will be androgynous. That way Jessica and I will be able to still look out for each other."
"I think that sounds a fair compromise. Have you told Mr Hobson?"
"I'll send him a note," Sam said punching the details into the PDA. "I just hope I explained everything properly. I hate writing French more than speaking it."
"You're doing very well," Anna said. "You're still too grammatically perfect but that will get better over time."
"Time we don't have. We go in under three weeks."
"But since Sam didn't speak much French till a week ago, I think Sam is doing wonderfully."
"They certainly know how to drum it into you," agreed Sam. "Having the television only in French is surprisingly good. Being totally immersed into it was quite a shock yesterday but I'm starting to get used to it."
The day progressed quickly and it wasn't long before the twenty-four hour suicide watch was over. Orchestra practice was now a daily event and we all looked forward to it. It wasn't till just after the practice that the suicide watch was lifted and I managed to see Jessica alone. Helen had taken Sam off, leaving just me alone with Jessica in the common room. Where the others were was a mystery.
"Jessica, did you manipulate the vote?"
"What do you mean?" asked Jessica sounding very nervous.
"Did you ask others to vote for me or Helen?"
"Why would I have done something like that?"
"That is what I'm trying to find out. Now stop worming your way out of it, did you ask others to vote for me or Helen?"
I gave Jessica a piercing stare and she wilted. "Yes," she said in a little voice. I'm glad she caved in at that stage, as I don't think I could have put on the hard act for much longer.
"Why?" I asked. The bewilderment I felt carried through into my voice.
"Wendy said something about you and Helen knowing more about the happenings at the school. She said you had contacts with other year leaders such as Stacy and Ingrid."
"Yes, Helen and I are friends with Stacy and Ingrid, but that doesn't make us good year leaders."
"Did you do and see things yesterday at Jill's house that you won't discuss with anyone else?"
"Well yes, but-" I started but was interrupted
"Do you know things about the school that I don't?"
"Well yes, but-" I again started but then realised what I'd said.
"Therefore, I think Wendy was correct. She said there were some people at school that had extra knowledge. She also said there was an unwritten rule that pupils didn't query or try to find out certain things."
"I suspected certain things on day one and asked. I wish I hadn't. Oh I wasn't punished or anything, it was just I was told what I suspected was true and that caused issues for Helen. You see there can't be any secrets between you and your study partner. Anyway, if it wasn't for Wendy; who would you have voted for? "
"Originally I was going to vote for you but in the end I voted for Helen. I was going to vote for you due to how you handled me trying to run away. You didn't snitch and tried to resolve the situation. You also didn't hand Wendy in. In fact, I think you would have won outright if I hadn't talked some people to vote for Helen."
"What did you tell the others?" I asked, holding my breath.
"I didn't tell them what Wendy had said, just what a good job you and Helen had done with me. I also highlighted how brave you were with going to help with rescuing Jill and Anna. They didn't need much persuasion."
"But it wasn't something either of us wanted," I lamented, knowing my fate was sealed.
"Probably not, but I think you'll both do well," reassured Jessica.
I opened my mouth to retort but Sam walked in with Helen. Soon after, the others walked in so there was no chance to discuss it further. It wasn't till bedtime and we went to our rooms, that I got chance to tell Helen.
"I wonder how much Wendy knows," I pondered.
"Probably not everything, but she is certainly observant enough to know there are extra things happening. I just hope she doesn't cause trouble in the future."
"So do I. We will have to see how things develop with her. I hope she's learnt her lesson, that too much interference can cause trouble."
* * *
The next morning, during breakfast, I got an appointment for a rehearsal at eleven. It was just for the four of us that would be playing solo in Mozart's Sinfonia Concertante. At least for Helen and I it was a study period so I wasn't going to get behind in my lessons, I'd just have to catchup with my studies that night. I realised then that I wasn't aware of Jill or Anna's specialisation.
"Hey Jill and Anna," I said in between mouthfuls. "Have you been assigned specialist skills yet?"
"Assigned what?"
"Each student is assigned a specialist skill which they study for. Have either of you been assigned anything?"
"No," they replied simultaneously.
We all looked at Becky who had turned red. "Oops," she said. "With all the excitement on Monday and yesterday they haven't been given out. It was a wonder we managed to get PDA's to you. Suicide attempts tend to put a strain on everyone but the psychiatric team tend to get a lot jitterier."
Mr Hobson stood up and addressed everyone there, "It has just come to our attention that we have been remiss and not notified Jill and Anna of their specialist skills. Therefore, they will be given them as part of the usual ceremony just after orchestra practice, which will delay the evening meal by thirty minutes. I just hope that Andy can cope without sneaking into the kitchens."
The rest of the school laughed at the joke and Andy got up and took a bow. Well I think it was a joke.
"Jessica and Jayne," stated Becky. "You are excused from morning lessons as you have an appointment to see Kelly. Tomorrow at eleven, you will both be seeing a speech therapist, to have your voices assessed."
"And there was me thinking being a girl would be easy," giggled Jessica.
Jessica and I met Kelly in one of the larger classrooms. All the chairs and tables had been moved to one side, leaving a large area we could move around in.
"Today is about deportment," said Kelly. "That is your posture and the way you walk. I have a selection of shoes that I am going to get you to walk in. First question, have either of you walked in heels before?"
"No," I replied.
"A little," confessed Jessica, turning slightly red.
"There's nothing to be embarrassed about," reassured Kelly. "How high?"
"About two inches. They were my mothers and she doesn't like wearing anything higher than that."
"That's not a problem. You don't need heels to appear female, but sometimes it's fun. When we do concerts the girls often wear three-inch heels. I want you to get used to wearing heels as it is something that will help with your gait."
"Gait?"
"The way you walk. Boys and girls walk differently. Part of that is because of different shoes or different pelvic bones. However, some is just put on to appear sexier. Now I'd like you to both take off what you are wearing and put on the first pair of shoes that I've set out for you. They are a one-inch, chunky heel."
We wandered across to the table where the shoes were laid out and put on our shoes. As with everything else in the school, they fitted perfectly.
"Okay, I'd like you both to walk towards me, turn and then walk back."
We did as she said. When we got back to the table she called, "Again."
"How do your feet feel?" she asked as we finished the second circuit."
"Mine feel fine," I replied.
"Me too," replied Jessica.
"Are you sure Jessica?"
"Okay, they feel a bit strange."
"It is important that you be truthful with me. I don't want you hurting yourself and ending up not going on the field trip."
"Why yours feel strange is because you haven't quite got your walk right. You are clumping your feet too much, which is putting more of a strain on your ankle and lower leg. The aim is for you to glide. If you stomp too much, you will injure yourself and look very strange. So both of you stand up and we will try again. This time I'm going to put a book on both or your heads. The aim is for you to walk across the room without the book falling from your head. Once that occurs, I will know you are gliding. Each time the book falls I want you to stop. I will place it on your head and you can set off again."
Once Kelly had put the book on our heads we set off. We had walked about two steps when we both lost the book. "You both keep looking at your feet. If you do that then the book will never stay on your head. You have to move while keeping your head still. Look to the far wall and walk towards it. Remember, the top of your head is the flattest."
This time we got a little further. "Hands by your sides," instructed Kelly. "You look very strange walking with your hands by your head."
After half an hour I'd managed it a few times when Jessica finally succeeded. "Well done Jessica," called Kelly. "I want you both to take off your shoes and sit down with me."
"You have both done well," said Kelly. "Jessica, you found that harder than Jayne because Jayne had an advantage over you."
"I did?"
"Yes, well two. One, you've never attempted to walk in badly fitted shoes which gives a very bad gait. Secondly, you started off with a feminine style of walk. Where you got it from is hard to say, but you walked more like a girl than a boy."
"I'm sorry," I said to Jessica.
"What for?" she asked. "You've done nothing wrong other than be yourself."
"This week I don't want either of you wearing more than a one inch heel. I will see you again on Saturday at ten for more walking lessons and we will get you into two inch."
"Do we have any homework?" I joked
"Yes, I'm afraid you do," replied Kelly in a serious tone. "You are to practice walking in one inch heels with books on your head. I want too see some improvement by Saturday. Since your feet are tired, you aren't to wear heels till lunchtime at the earliest."
Jessica and I started to leave when Kelly suddenly said, "Oh Jayne, can I have a word with you for a second?"
Jessica gave me a knowing look and continued on alone.
"It's nothing much but I've also been asked to give you and Helen lessons to help you fit in better as a male. Would early October be acceptable to you?"
"I don't have a problem with that date. I'm not sure how Helen's going to take it though."
"I won't be able to book a firm date till the middle of September. I have a summer school that starts soon which will keep me away till then."
"I thought you came on the field trips."
"I normally do, but I can't make this one. It wasn't planned to be so early and I do have other commitments."
The Mozart practice was held in the music classroom. The four chairs for the soloists were set out in the same pattern as before. There was a fifth chair set out just behind the backs of the others.
I was the first to arrive so I put the music on my stand and started to warm the horn up. There's nothing harder than playing a cold instrument.
"Did she make you walk with a book on your head?" ask Jill as she walked in with Helen.
"Yes, how did you know?"
"Because Anna and Erika did the same thing to me," explained Jill.
"Who's the fifth chair for?" asked Helen
"No idea," I replied. "It was setup like that when I arrived."
A minute later Wendy appeared. "I'm sorry for the way I behaved on Monday," she apologised. "I was out of order."
"It mustn't have been nice for you; having to dress in male clothes and also see your brother do something you hadn't prepared yourself for."
"But that’s still no excuse," said Wendy. "I ruined the practice."
"Well I certainly have a better idea of the tune now," smiled Jill. "Shall we all tune up and start."
Just as we finished tuning up from Jill's oboe, Stacy snuck into the room with her Violin. "I thought you might want the other part of the tune to fill in some of the gaps."
"Then you're just in time."
This time the playing was 200% better than it had been on Monday. We all listened carefully to each other's timings and we sounded like we were a single voice of four instruments playing against the rest of the orchestra, well in this case just Stacy.
"That sounded a lot better," said Stacy after an hours practice. "If you sound like that this afternoon, Mrs Russell will be very pleased."
"Thank you for your help," I said to Stacy. "It helped a lot having you here as well."
"I'm glad," she replied. "However, there was an ulterior motive; I got an extra practice in. Andy will be so jealous."
Indeed the orchestra practice went very well. It was obvious that everyone had spent their extra time practicing. With seventeen days to the trip, it didn't give a lot of time for anything else. "Keep up the practice and we'll retain our European reputation as England's finest youth orchestra. It's a shame that nobody in England has ever heard of us."
Everyone laughed at that, but on the other hand it was a deadly serious issue. I don't know what would happen if the schools existence ever became public.
"Before we break for the day, Kelly Baxter has asked to say a few words."
Kelly walked in from the back of the room. "Sorry I'm asking now and not later, but I've got to get home. For anyone who wants, there will be makeup lessons this Sunday and next Sunday. This is not just for those who want to look more feminine but also for those who want to look more masculine. Year one students get priority for any bookings. If anyone from year four, or five, who has completed the beauty course, wants to give Sasha a hand, then she'd be most grateful. I believe the meal is delayed for Jill and Anne to get their skills; therefore, I'm going to go before Andy worries it will be any later than the new schedule!"
When we went into the year one common room, I expected to see Mr Hobson and the five psychiatrists. They weren't there. A few minutes later, they knocked on the door and asked if they could enter. We agreed. I keep forgetting that this common room was ours and that no other student or staff member were allowed to enter without permission.
"Anne, I know that Jill knows who we all are, do you?" asked Mr Hobson.
"Yes, Jill told me who you all were the other day."
"Excellent, well that saves quite a bit of time. Since we've never had two extra students before, it took some thinking to come up with specialisations that suited your existing skills. Now you are both assigned to Rachel Ruiz so she will inform you."
"I'm going to do this in English. Anne first," said Rachel standing up and switching from French to English. Helen nudged Anne to stand as well. "This is the first time we have ever asked anybody to specialise in this, so you will have to do a lot of research yourself. We already have a language and customs specialist, which we might have got you to do. Therefore, we would like you to become an expert in religions. Since a lot of texts and studies aren't in English, you will need to use your language skills."
"That sounds a challenge," said Anna as she sat down.
"Jill, you are equally a challenge," stated Rachel. "You already have an advantage in being a highly skilled musician and you have already passed a GCSE with highest marks. Therefore, I want you too look into something different. I want you to start looking into laws in this country and others that will impact this school, should we ever visit. I would like you to start with gender and relationship laws. For instance we are going to visit France soon and they have different laws on the age of consent. As you start to get your knowledge, I'd like you to document it so it becomes a useful resource for others."
"That's quite a project," said Jill. "I've done research before, so that isn't a problem. I've never looked into the law, so that will be something new."
"Okay," said Mr Hobson switching back to French now. "Let's go and eat."
"Are you going to book for the makeup course?" I asked Helen as we walked to the dining room.
"I'm not sure. I'm not bad with makeup."
"You're good at making yourself look feminine and slightly older. I'm sure there are a lot of other tips you could pick up. Also, it might be useful if you learnt how to look more masculine, just in case you need to portray Christopher again. You weren't able to go with me to get Jill, because you didn't pass well enough."
"I suppose you're right. I'll book an appointment."
Helen picked up her PDA, found the request form and filled it in. We both got our responses at the same time. I had an hour's lesson with Sasha while Helen had the same hour period with Stacy.
"Why am I not surprised?" she said. "Stacy seems to get involved with everything."
I leaned across and whispered in her ear, "You'll probably be learning how to apply camouflage makeup." That got me a light punch in the arm.
* * *
The voice lessons were a big flop. I got there and she listened to me speak. She even ran my voice through a special computer program.
"I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for you."
"What do you mean," I said starting to panic. "Are you saying I can never speak like a girl?"
I'm going to be a laughing stock when everyone hears about this. How am I going to cope with going out of the school?
"You misunderstood. You already have the inflections and intonation of a girl. Your pitch is also good."
Because I was only in for ten minutes out of the allotted hour, it meant that Jessica was able to have a much longer session. Only being thirteen helped with pitch, as none of our voices had yet broken. I wonder what lessons we'll need, as we get older. Perhaps medication would help stop the voices breaking for people like Emma and possibly Jessica. I put down these thoughts for possible self-study after the field trip.
* * *
"Hello," said an Asian woman as I walked into the room. "Are you Jayne?"
"Yes," I replied looking round at what appeared to be a salon. There were three hairdressing chairs that were currently being used for makeup so they could see what was being done to them.
"So, are you ready for your makeup lessons?"
"It's not something I want to learn but something I feel I need to do," I replied. "I wasn't aware of this area till I looked where the lesson was to be held."
"It's quite nice isn't it? A complete hairdressing and beauty salon in the middle of the school. There are rooms at the end for waxing, electrolysis and massages. Now take a seat and let's see what I've got to deal with."
I took a seat and tensed up as she ran her fingers gently across my face.
"Relax; I'm not going to bite. Well, you already have quite a good complexion, so let us see what we need to do. Did your mother never let you wear makeup when you were younger?"
Half of me wanted to laugh and the other half wanted to cry. I couldn't be bothered to tell her that I was male so I just said, "No, I was never allowed."
"Well, let us see what we can achieve today. You are lucky that you don't need to put on much to be an absolute stunner. You already have long eyelashes and a great shaped mouth. The first thing we are going to do is colour match you for foundation. Now foundation has two purposes, it gives your face a uniform look, hiding any blemishes. It also acts as a canvas for you to add other makeup. Now, one thing to remember is that you only need a little."
She took a bottle of foundation and, using her finger, put a small drop on my face. She then gently massaged it.
"As you can see, that sticks out a bit, so it isn't the correct colour for your face, but it doesn't look far off. Let's see how this one looks."
She took a different bottle and again dabbed a bit onto my face. This time it blended in as she rubbed it in.
"I can't see it anymore."
"That is because it's the right colour," she said making notes onto the computer system. "I'm creating a salon record so that we always know what colours suit you. It saves going back to basics all the time."
"This foundation is quite long lasting, it should last about eight hours, which isn't bad. After the foundation has been added we add a powder to set the foundation into place. I'm going to do the left hand side of your face and I want you to mirror what I do afterwards on the right side. If you make a mistake we can wipe it off and try again."
Art isn't my favourite subject. In fact it was one of my worst. However, makeup seemed to be quite good fun. Sasha showed me how I could create different looks just by subtly altering what and how I applied it. I could look like a sophisticated businesswoman in her twenties to a young teenager going out on the pull. I must have tried several different lipsticks and eye shadows.
"It will take quite a bit of practice for you to be able to achieve such looks but you certainly have the face to do it. What I want you to practice is the look you will probably have for your concerts. The stage will be lit up, so if you don't wear anything you will look very pale."
She showed me what to do and then took it all off. I then tried to mirror what she did. I didn't succeed but I didn't do too badly. I understood what was required but had difficulties getting it to look quite right.
"You aren't doing too badly," she said. "All you need now is to practice. Do you know Brenda in year five?"
"Yes," I replied.
"Well, if I'm not around, or any of the beauty people aren't, then ask her. She is a miracle worker with the brushes; just don't tell Stacy. I'm going to quickly wipe off your makeup and make you look like a sophisticated sixteen-year-old girl. The makeup will be subtle so you shouldn't get into trouble."
When she was finished I couldn't believe the look. I couldn't tell I had makeup on but there in the mirror was me, looking like an older girl. I was still recognisable as me, but I looked older and more self-assured.
If I can look like this, then nobody will believe that I'm a young boy under all these clothes. Lookout France, Jayne is on the way!
"Do you have a makeup table in your room?"
I thought about it for moment and realised I didn't, but nor did Helen.
"No, I don't think any year one student has."
"I'll see what I can get organised for you," she said. "I'll also get all your makeup delivered."
"My makeup?"
"Yes, you need to practice. All the makeup that colour matches you, will be there. When you start to run low, just order more via your PDA and it will be delivered. It's all part of the Hayfield Hall service. I recommend you put this lipstick into your pockets, just in case you need to touch up."
As I made my way to the year one common room, I bumped into Helen coming from the bedroom area. "Jayne?" she asked, wide eyed as she took a look at me.
"Yes," I said with a smile. "What do you think?"
She didn't say anything but pounced on me, taking me into her arms and giving me a kiss. It was only at that point that I realised that she was wearing makeup herself. Our lipsticks mingled and my mind went into overdrive.
"Is this how you imagined me?" I asked when I got my thoughts back together.
"No," she said her breath short and shallow. "This is even better. I just couldn't keep my hands off you. Oh, you need to redo your lipstick."
"I'm not the only one," I laughed.
It is almost time for the field trip, so a dress rehersal sounds just the thing. But with a school like Hayfield Hall anything could happen!
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 13
The last week before the field trip to France, all lessons apart from Music and French were cancelled. The school became a hive of activity as the last minute polishing took place.
Our French wasn't perfect but it was certainly good enough to understand what was happening, what other people were saying and in most circumstances what was written.
"Tonight," said Mr Hobson during breakfast, "we will be giving a concert in the school. Think of this as a dress rehearsal for the trip in three days time. The concert will be at half seven. Therefore, you'll be having a light tea at four. That should give you enough time to get changed and ready to give the performance of your lives. The schedule for today will get updated after breakfast. Please understand that times might fluctuate so keep an eye on your PDA's."
As soon as he said that we would be giving a concert tonight, the butterflies in my stomach started dancing.
"It's a good job I'm sitting at your table today," he grinned. "Okay, ask away."
"What are we to wear tonight? I've not had the privilege of giving a concert to such a high standard before. The school orchestra where I lived was only small and we just did normal school stuff. My parents couldn't afford for me to go join the county orchestra."
"Men will wear dinner jackets and ladies will wear smart concert dresses. I'm sorry Sam, but you are going to have to wear one or the other. I will get your support person to validate your choices."
I could tell that Sam was going to ask who the concert was going to be given to, so I gave a little kick under the table and shook my head.
"Is that all the questions? Well I am glad to see that you are all beginning to regain your trust. Not just in the school, not to put you in any danger, but trust in yourselves that nobody will know. Yes, I'm very impressed."
"I've performed at the school before," said Jill. "I can assist Anne and anyone else who is worried about outfits."
"That's very kind of you Jill," said Tracy. "I'm sure that will help a lot."
As soon as breakfast was over there was a mass ting as all the PDA's updated. "Oh great," I said to Helen. "Year one, two and three are to clean the hall. I always wanted to do something like that, not!"
"It might be fun," she said. "With twenty-six of us doing it, it shouldn't take that long."
The day was hectic but everyone was in good spirits. While we did the hall, years four and five were busy doing the entrance area. Any area where a visitor might go was cleaned. I bet the normal cleaners wouldn't need to touch it for a month.
Over lunch Sam announced, "Tonight, I think I'm going to go for the dinner jacket. It will even up the trip to France, where I'll be female."
In the afternoon, the lower three years got out the concert music stands and setup the stage, while the older pupils scrambled to setup the lighting. Even a podium for Mrs Russell was dragged out of some storage area.
We were all finished with about ninety minutes before tea and we were wondering what to do when Stacy and Andy appeared. Stacy looked like she had done her hair and was ready for tonight.
Stacy called, "Jayne, Helen, Emma, Paula, Jessica, Jill and Anna can you please come with us."
We all followed them into the salon where Andy said, "You might not have noticed other people disappearing during the day but you have to look good. So if you need your legs and arms waxed, now is the time. You will also have your hair tidied.
"Is there time for all of us to be done?"
"I shaved my legs and arms earlier," said Jessica.
"I don't think I've got much," I said. "I've never been that bad."
"Well you're only thirteen," laughed Stacy. "Okay, we have four people doing hair and two doing waxing. There are four rooms, so Andy and I, who qualified a few months ago, will do a few. Legs and arms should take thirty minutes, maximum. Once you are finished go and find a hairdresser who will sort you out."
"Jill," I asked quietly. "Why don't we get done by Andy? That might stop some others getting worried."
"I don't mind," she replied. "I've been waxed before by both sexes."
"Andy, can you do Jill and myself?"
"It will be my pleasure," he boomed. "Do you want to go first?"
"Why not."
I followed Andy into a room and closed the door behind me. "I've never been waxed before, so I've no idea what to do."
"It's not a problem," he said. "Take off everything below your waist apart from your panties then hop onto the bed."
I folded things up and put them on the spare chair. When I was sat on the bed, Andy started examining my legs. "As you said, they don't look too bad, but we shall clear them up. If you wax instead of shave the hairs grow back weaker. If you shave, then they just get stronger."
He took a stick, dipped it in a pot of warm wax and spread it over an area at the bottom of my leg. He then took what looked like a paper towel, pressed it into the wax and pulled. Even though there wasn't much hair there was still a distinct rip sound.
"If you think that Helen, Paula and Anna are going to have a problem with me doing their legs or arms, then it's a good job they don't know Stacy's birth sex," laughed Andy as he ripped off more hair.
I looked at Andy in surprise.
"Stacy told me that she'd told you her birth sex when you went to get Jill and Anna," he said.
"You both do so well at portraying both genders that I would never have known unless she'd told me. In this school it is pointless trying to guess someone's birth gender and for a lot of cases, it's probably irrelevant. As long as you are happy, why should it matter what gender someone is at birth, or now."
Andy put down the waxing items and gave me a great big hug. "Jayne, you have just made my day. I wish more year-one pupils understood that. How are you doing as Jayne?"
"It can be fun sometimes, but I miss being David. I've learnt so much about myself, that I don't know what I am any more. I didn't need voice lessons and it seemed I already walked like a female. Did David really exist before?"
"I met David and I thought he was a swell guy. I was sorry that you ended up being stuck as Jayne."
"Oh, you and Stacy knew Mr Hobson was going to announce the field trip and you deliberately invited Jayne to that meeting, so that I wouldn't go back and change. You wanted me as Jayne on the field trip."
"I think I'd better get Stacy," decided Andy putting things down.
"There's no need. You had your reasons and I don't really have an issue with it at the moment. I also don't want you to tell Stacy, till after the concert and are in bed. She's the leader of the orchestra and doesn't need the distraction."
Andy thought about it for a moment and agreed. It only took fifteen minutes to do my legs and ten minutes to do my arms. "Any chance of some assistance with makeup?"
"It would have to be after the meal," he said, after a few minutes thought. "Okay, give me a shout just before you put on your dress and I'll quickly do you. It will only take me a few minutes to get dressed, since I don't have to put on a dress for this one."
"Helen will be upset that I didn't get her to do it."
"I'll tell you what; I'll do her as well. Now send in Jill and don't say a word to anyone or I'll be doing makeup all night."
I went out laughing and went to see if there were any spaces left for my hair to be done. Since I was wearing a wig it would be styling it. I was in luck as they had a selection of wigs in my colour, so they recommended one for tonight which they would be put in my room during tea.
"I'd like you to come in tomorrow at nine," said the hairdresser as she helped me put on my original wig. "I think your hair is long enough to have a hairclip extension. That way you won't need a hot wig when you go on your field trip."
"Well done, all of you. You will do this school proud," said Mr Hobson before our tea. "There will be healthy and not so healthy snacks for anyone who wants it after the concert. Remember, you are a professional orchestra, so once on stage, follow Mrs Russell's cues and no talking. Your PDA's will show you where to congregate, tune-up and get last minute instructions. Under no circumstances will you go through the entrance hall. All doors to the rest of the school will be sealed, so you shouldn't be able get that way anyway."
I was glad we were only having soup and sandwiches. I don't think I could have stomached a full evening meal.
"Don't worry, it should be fine," said Jill. "I've done this before and its fun. Just sit back and enjoy it."
"How can you say that?" gulped Helen. "We'll have to sit at the front where everyone will see us."
"They aren't going to eat you. They'll just comment what a wonderful player you are. I think Mr Hobson revoked the licence for someone to sell rotten eggs by the entrance hall."
Mr Hobson, who was sat at our table, suddenly burst out laughing, nearly chocking on his cheese sandwich. "I never thought of doing something like that," he laughed. "I could make a fortune."
Seeing Quentin "serious" Hobson laugh, cheered us all and we were soon a lot more relaxed. The plate of sandwiches on our table was quickly demolished. I think Lewis had grabbed more crisps than the rest of us put together.
"Do we get ice-creams during the interval?" asked Lewis.
Mr Hobson just smiled and said, "You'll see."
* * *
"What do you think about this one?" I asked holding up a light red evening dress.
"Mmm, nice," answered Helen. "I take it there are matching shoes?"
I disappeared back into the closet and found them. "They are two inch, which is the limit I got up to in practice."
"Have you anything higher?"
I went back to look. "No, it looks like two inch is the maximum I have. I presume I'm not qualified, so they don't provide them."
"I have a few pairs of three inch. I can't believe we have such a selection of shoes. I wonder what outfits we'll take to France. I've seen no sign of suitcases."
"I presume we will be told at the appropriate time," I laughed. "It's no use asking yet. Let's get tonight's concert out of the way first. So have you chosen an outfit?"
"I've chosen this silver dress. It has a slight sparkle to it but shouldn't be too flashy. I've got a nice pair of earrings that should look nice."
"How long do you think your hair will stay like that?"
"Till I take out the sixty hairclips they put into it. There is no way I'd be able to do this style myself."
There was a knock on the door, which I answered. "Hi Rachel, just on time. These are the dresses we've chosen. Are they acceptable?"
Rachel looked them over and gave a nod of acceptance. "I like that wig," she said pointing to the one on my makeup table.
"That's what I'm wearing tonight."
"You should look stunning. Just fit for a soloist."
Rachel disappeared to check on Jill and Anna. I got undressed and put on my dressing gown.
"Would you like some help with your makeup?" asked Helen.
"Thanks for the offer but I secured us some specialist skills," I said tapping away on the PDA. Two minutes later Andy came into the room, still in the clothes from earlier.
"Okay, who's first?" asked Andy.
"You asked Andy?" asked Helen incredulously.
"I heard he's the best," I retorted. "Since Helen is so disbelieving then I'll go first."
"Okay, take a seat on the edge of your bed. The light should be best there. I'll use one of your chairs."
He grabbed a selection of cosmetics from my makeup table and started to apply it gently to my face. "You have a lovely complexion," he remarked as he brushed off the excess powder.
Helen watched as he gradually did things to my face. "I'm sorry I sounded surprised earlier. Would you mind doing mine next?"
I laughed, "I'd heard a rumour that he was better than Stacy. Actually the rumour was that Brenda was better than Stacy."
"Sasha has a big mouth," chortled Andy. "Don't look in the mirror but put on your dress and I'll secure your wig."
I did as instructed and when I was ready I was allowed to look in the mirror; I could have wept. I looked older and oozed confidence. I looked every bit ready for the concert. I saw Helen's face and I backed away. "Helen, we don't have time for that. Go sit down and let Andy work his magic."
Reluctantly Helen went into her room. Before Andy followed he said, "Be careful there, I think she likes Jayne."
"Don't I know it," I said.
"Hey, I love David as well," called Helen. "Jayne didn't look very feminine when we had to shower together the other week."
Helen was stunning, Andy had done something with her eyes and I just couldn't tear my glance away. I just wanted to tumble into them.
"Earth to Jayne," said Andy. "Come in Jayne."
I didn't respond till Helen turned away, which broke my trance. "How did you do that?"
"Do what?" asked Andy innocently.
"I find Helen attractive at the best of times but I just couldn't take my eyes from her."
"Like you, she has excellent potential, which is hidden by the way you normally have your hair and the clothes you wear. With the clothes and hair correct, it was very simple to bring it out."
"Well at least two of the four soloists will look good," I said.
"Wendy is very good herself, she will look impressive," replied Andy.
"I hope Jill or Anna is good enough," Helen mused.
Andy looked at his watch. "It didn't take long to do you, so let me see what I can do. Will you be happy to be a sample of my work?"
"It would be our pleasure," I said, taking Helen by the hand.
I knocked on Jill's door. "Jill? It's Jayne. We have a present for you, can we come in?"
"Of course," she said.
As we went in, we saw that her makeup was good but she seemed to look quite a bit less mature than Helen's and mine.
"You look stunning," said Anna, from the interconnecting doorway. "How did you manage to look like that?"
"A secret weapon."
"What?"
"Andy did it for us. He's trying to make the soloists look slightly more mature to give a confident looking presentation."
"Sorry Anna, but I've only got time to do Jill," apologised Andy.
"Hey, I'm not a soloist," she grinned. "Heck, a few weeks ago and I wasn't even in this concert. Anyway, you can give me some tips when we sit next to each other when we practice the Mozart tomorrow."
When Jill was perfected, Andy disappeared and we all looked at each other and giggled. "We all look wonderful. Can we rig one of the PDA's to perform a timed shot so we can all get in the picture?"
"I saw something that will do that already," I said tapping away. "Okay, I'll position it near the television and bounce the received picture through the television. That way we should be able to pose and still see what's being taken."
"Show off," giggled Helen.
We took a few and forwarded the best to Rachel with a message saying, 'With love from your year-one patients.'
"Come on or we'll be late," said Helen. "Don't forget we've got to go the slightly longer way."
I don't know why Helen panicked, as we were there in good time. "Oh God, you make me seem so plain," said Paula as we walked in.
"Special treatment for the soloists," explained Anna. "Though I know what you mean."
We were soon all warming up and preparing for a ninety-eight minute musical extravaganza.
"Ten minutes till stage door," announced Mr Hobson.
"We will tune up now and then do a minor 'for show' tune up on stage. Okay Jill, give me a long and steady A," asked Stacy.
Stacy tuned up first and then the rest of the orchestra joined in. The nervous that I'd had all day were gone. There was no time for nerves. The concert was upon us.
"Strings on first, then woodwind, brass and lastly percussion," ordered Mrs Russell. "Stacy will be on after you're all settled."
The strings marched on and I watched Helen disappear with the woodwind players. I took a deep breath and followed Kevin through the side curtains and onto the brightly lit stage. The lights were still on in the hall and I could see that the hall was packed. As Stacy walked out, her violin in her right hand, the murmuring in the audience petered out and was replaced by the sound of applause. When she reached her seat she bowed to the audience and the applause grew.
As she turned her back on the audience they grew quite. She signalled Jill who gave a clear A. The single note filled the hall and made me smile. It was happening; it was really happening. I had no more time for self-indulgence as Stacy pointed to us and I was making sure that I sounded in tune.
Satisfied that everything sounded correct Stacy sat down and the orchestra went quite. The silence that filled the hall was broken with applause as Mrs Russell came through the doors and made her way to the podium. The orchestra all stood up as a sign of respect. When Mrs Russell reached the podium she shook hands with Stacy which caused the audience to applause even more. The lights in the hall dimmed leaving the lights shining onto the orchestra.
With a small hand gesture we all sat down and looked straight at Mrs Russell. She gave us all a small smile and with practiced hands raised the baton. All the eyes of the orchestra were on her as we waited to play. All the eyes of the audience were on the players. After what seemed like minutes, Mrs Russell's hand dropped and the sound of Claude Debussy's La Mer sang to the listeners.
After the much lighter Music for the Royal Fireworks, it was time for the interval. Lewis's joke about ice-cream had turned out to be spot on and was just what I needed. The lights beaming down on the orchestra had made me very hot.
"Don't drink too much," warned Mrs Russell. "You don't want to need the toilet half way through the second half."
As I passed by Stacy and Andy, I turned to Andy and said, "I saw the small cannon in the percussion. Just make sure that it's nowhere near me."
"It won't be," he assured me with a wry smile.
"I'll kill him if he does," assured Stacy.
Despite looking, I didn't see Wendy during the interval. It wasn't till after we'd played the Karelia Suite and I'd moved ready for the Mozart that I saw she had done an excellent job with her makeup. Being closer to the edge of the stage I was able to make out the front two rows of the audience. It was during the thirty-minute playing of the Sinfonia Concertante that I saw something strange. A lady had taken something out of her handbag and fastened it to the underside of her chair. She had done it rather subtly but I'm sure it looked rather strange.
During the massive applause that we got, I carefully whispered to Stacy what I'd seen. "Are you sure?" she asked.
"Yes," I replied as I took another bow.
"Tell Mr Hobson when you place the flowers outside the stage door," she said.
Mr Hobson, Dan, Keith and Mr Yates all come on carrying enormous bouquets of flowers, which just raised the volume of the applause. I felt giddy with excitement as Keith kissed me on my cheeks as he presented me with the flowers. I'd remember this day for the rest of my life.
The four soloists followed the departing staff out of the hall, so we could put the flowers somewhere safe.
"Well done," said Mr Hobson. "That was outstanding. You played, not as four soloists but as a single heart. I've never heard playing like it."
I tilted my head to one side, when I saw Mr Hobson looking at me. "Yes?" he said as he came close.
"There is a lady in the front row wearing a fuchsia suit. It is the fifth one from the centre. She took something out of her handbag and stuck it the underside of her chair."
"Are you sure?" he asked, his face beginning to frown.
"I know what I saw," I said with confidence.
"Okay, I'll deal with it," he said. "Well, this is a turn up for the books. You'd better get back or you'll miss the 1812."
"I don't think anybody in a ten mile radius will miss it," I said dryly as a rushed back inside.
"You didn't need the toilet, did you," teased Kevin.
"Shut up," I hissed back as his prompting put pressure on my bladder.
Go faster. Go faster. I willed Mrs Russell, but she conducted the 1812 at the proper speed. As I predicted though the ending was very loud and it took a while for the applause and general buzz in hall to die down.
The audience wouldn't let us go as they kept applauding. Mrs Russell mouthed the word national anthem. We had no music but that wasn't a problem, as we all knew it off by heart. She stretched out her right arm and pointed straight at Andy who started a drum roll, which rose in volume as Mrs Russell wiggled her fingers. The audience fell silent as they wondered what was going on. They were soon put out of there misery as the orchestra joined in. As the audience heard the tune they stood and the sound of singing filled the hall. It was the perfect ending to the first real concert I'd ever been in.
"I'm not having you go and eat, wearing clothes like that," we were informed as we left the hall. "Go and change and there will be snacks available in each of your common rooms. All curfews are extended by two hours giving you chance to wind down."
Helen and I didn't get chance to go as we were grabbed by Mr Hobson, "Helen, did you see anything strange during the Mozart?"
"No, why did something happen?"
"It's okay. Why don't you go and change. Jayne, will you come with me for a few minutes."
As I followed Mr Hobson, we passed Stacy who he also grabbed. He took us to his office where is punched a few things into his computer and it bought up what appeared to be a picture taken by a security camera. "Is that the person?"
"That's her," I said.
"Very interesting," he murmured.
"I thought they guests were vetted or known."
"Oh they are. I know who she is. What I find interesting is what she was doing. Do you recognise her, Stacy?"
"Mavis Brown from MI6. She is one of their department heads."
There was a knock on the door and Julia appeared. "Oh sorry, I'll come back later."
"Come in Julia. Did you find it?"
"Eventually. It was very well hidden and looked like it was part of the chair."
"What was it?"
"It's being analysed now, but it seems it was a bit more than a listening device. It was also short range so we are looking for a base unit. One interesting thing I'm told is our scanners wouldn't have detected it. They're being amended now."
As Julia left, I felt glad I was trusted to have been privileged to that conversation but I also knew it was something I would never be able to discuss. Why am I so observant? It might have kept me alive before I joined the school but at this rate it will get me into serious trouble.
"The Mozart was added to the concert so you could be observant like that in France," explained Mr Hobson. "Though I never dreamed it would be needed in our own school. The French have very good security measures so we are worried about being detected. The head of French security loves classical music and feels very privileged at being invited to the concert. He also likes to be informed of anything strange. So if we are detected there is a good chance he'll be informed."
"So you would like me to be observant?"
"Yes, roughly at the time of us going in will be the time you are doing the Mozart."
"So who do I inform?"
"Stacy."
"Me?" asked Stacy who had been sitting quietly.
"Yes, I'll make sure you have a way of getting a message out of the hall to a specific person, who should be able to contact the team."
I wonder if Mr Hobson is on the Alpha team or just a head of school. I'm still not sure of who is involved and who isn't. In some ways Julia being involved was a surprise, but on the other hand they would need a computer expert and she does know her stuff.
"If you'll excuse me for a moment, I'd like to see if Mrs Brown is still here."
Mr Hobson got out of his chair and disappeared out of the room. Stacy and I sat in silence for a few seconds before I asked, "You seem awfully quiet."
"I was just thinking of the implications of that conversation," said Stacy. "Firstly we aren't supposed to know who is involved in security and that has just been breeched. Also, we aren't supposed to get involved in fieldwork while we are at school unless something goes wrong. Nothing has gone wrong, but we are being asked to be the eyes and ears watching their back."
"So why didn't you say anything?"
"What could I say? Someone needs to watch their back and it's a safe and unobtrusive plan. It just sets a president for future missions and that worries me."
"I suppose you're right. What do we do?"
"I don't think there is anything we can do at the moment. You have a steep learning curve though."
"Oh?"
"I leave in just under a year and I think you are being groomed to replace me."
"What? I'll only be in year two. Wouldn't it be better for Ingrid or Fran to take charge?"
Stacy didn't say anything but just gave a sad smile and slowly shook her head. Before I could say anything Mr Hobson returned with a jovial smile on his face. "A base repeater was found just outside the school, hidden inside a fake rock. Once everyone has gone, we shall conduct a secure sweep of the area. Now how would you like to meet some of the guests? It's time to subtly tell Mavis she failed."
"After you," I said rising from my chair. I understood that this wasn't a question but a request.
As we walked into the main school, I noticed that the entrance hall and dining area had been converted to makeshift reception rooms. Members of staff were working as waiters, carrying trays of drinks and nibbles for the guests to consume.
"You look stunning," said Rachel Ruiz as she breezed passed, giving me no chance to respond.
"Ah, Jenny and Thomas," said Mr Hobson as we approached a middle aged couple. "I'd like you to meet Stacy and Jayne. Stacy is the leader of the orchestra and head girl. Jayne is one of the soloists tonight."
"It was exquisite," replied Thomas. "Thank you so much for putting on such a wonderful performance. You also both look stunning. They certainly teach you a wide range of skills in the school. Do you both enjoy it here?"
"I'm in the last year of the school," said Stacy. "So I've seen the school mature over the years and yes, I love it here. I've learnt so much, not just educationally but also about myself. It is something I will dearly miss when I leave."
"Will you go on to do a degree?"
"By Easter I should have enough Open University credits to have my degree," informed Stacy. "This school has a new teaching method which brings out the best in pupils. Before I joined this school I was just another someone at school. We also show the value of British Education when we play concerts abroad. For instance in a few days we will be playing two concerts in France. One to the government and various invited guests. The other is to the general public."
"Impressive," murmured Jenny. "What about you Jayne?"
"I'm in the first year of the school, so I've only been here about a month," I replied. Jenny and Thomas looked stunned so I quickly continued. "It has been such an eye opener. I think I cover in a week what I cover in a month at my previous school. I've found the music in the school impressive and it really brings the students together. Not only is it good academically but they also teach you other skills which will help you vocationally."
"I'm sorry," interrupted Mr Hobson. "There are a few others that have asked to meet some students."
"Of course," replied Thomas. "You have given me a lot to think about."
"Who were they?" I asked as we moved off.
"Thomas Johnson is the new head of the committee that oversees the school on behalf of the Department of Education. I wanted him to see that the school and the results it gives. Well done, you both impressed him and his wife."
"Ah Mavis," said Mr Hobson. "I'd like you to meet two members of the orchestra. Stacy is the leader and Jayne was one of the soloists."
"Pleased to meet you both," she said. "That concert was outstanding. The way the orchestra and soloists played against each other in the Mozart was the best I've ever heard. Truly outstanding."
"I'm sorry if you found the chairs slightly uncomfortable," I said. I saw Stacy's eyes slightly twinkle and I presumed she was stopping herself from laughing.
"Sorry?"
"During the Mozart you appeared to be quite fidgety."
"Was I? It was probably a long day in the office."
"Do you do anything interesting?" asked Stacy.
"Oh I just work for the government. Nothing very interesting."
"Oh that's a shame," I replied. "I hope I get to do something interesting when I leave school. I'd hate to be stuck in a boring job."
"It must be awful," lamented Stacy. "I take it you work in London."
"Mostly," she replied.
"Oh, I hear there is such awful traffic."
"And what about all those silly buildings," continued Stacy. "I saw the new one the London Mayor has, is very strange. But there is that crap one just further down the Thames, which looks like it's made out of Lego."
Mr Hobson who was standing silently next to us almost sprayed me with his drink. I later found out it was the MI6 building that looked a bit Legoish.
"Are you okay, sir?" I asked innocently
"I'm fine," he said.
"So do they teach you about architecture?" asked Mavis Brown.
"We get taught everything from mathematics, architecture, music, geography, electronics and physics," I said. "I love physics and electronics. It covers such a wide range of topics such as how short distance radio waves can be boosted by receptors."
"I think I'm starting to feel a bit tired," said Mrs Brown. "I've had a long day."
"I think I've bored her again," I said to Stacy.
"Not at all," Mavis quickly said. "I've just had a long day, so if you will excuse me."
"Of course," said Mr Hobson magnanimously. "I hope you have a safe journey back."
When she was gone, I noticed that the crowd had started to thin. "I think you should get back to your partners," smiled Mr Hobson. "I'm sure you both will have a lot to tell them in the privacy of your own rooms."
"Isn't that study partners?" I innocently asked.
"I know what I said and I'm not yet senile. Good night."
It is time for the field trip. A great time for any student to learn in a nice relaxing atmosphere...lol
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 14
"Years one and two in the front coach," instructed Mr Hobson. "The rest of you are in the second coach."
All our concert clothes were taken on special racks and would travel with our instruments in a large truck. I'm sure that Paula wouldn't have had trouble carrying her flute, but my French horn got very heavy after being carried for a while. The rest of the luggage had been placed in the entrance hall on big trolleys and the coach drivers had been very busy loading them since they had arrived.
"We're all going on a summer holiday. No more worries for a week or two."
We were split onto two coaches for the trip, so not quite the London bus used by Cliff Richard. Normally school trips abroad would involve an aeroplane journey. However, this time we were only going to Paris, so there would be no need for such luxury. Perhaps the next trip would mean that I get to go on my first journey into the sky.
Since we had an early crossing via the tunnel, under the English Channel, we would miss the worst of the traffic on the M1 and round the M25. I don't think I'd ever got up so early in my life and how Andy could appear jovial at three in the morning I don't know. He came very close to getting another slapping.
Our PDA's had all been left in our rooms and we were issued special versions that would link into the school computer system via publicly available wireless and wired networks. I knew the system well, as I'd helped Julia configure them over a very boring three-hour period. Doing one was interesting, doing two was amusing, but by my tenth it was getting repetitive. There were forty-two students, ten standard members of staff and six helpers. That was twenty-nine machines each. Boring! There was a legal requirement for one member of staff for every ten pupils, so it looked like the school was well inside their duty of care.
"For year one pupils, welcome to your first school trip," said Mr Hobson as we drove off. "For year two pupils this is your third trip, so this should be nothing new for you. During the trip, we will be staying at a Disney hotel. Here you will have the full use of the park. When we get through the tunnel, I will be issuing you some Euros, which should last you during your stay. I'm afraid that I'll need you to keep a tally of what you spend your money on, which you should be able to do on your PDA. During the stay, there will be a few competitions for you, including a treasure hunt to see how good you are at finding things in a strange area. None of them are dangerous, but they might stretch you and give you a better insight into where you are staying. One running competition is to find the person who gets recognised the least as English. There is no prize and no official tally is taken. Most of the hotel staff are multilingual and will attempt to speak the language of the person. So if you speak French to them and they respond in English, then you have been twigged."
"When are the concerts?" asked Jill.
"You're always the eager one to play. The first concert is going to be in the main Disneyland Park, in four days time. This is free and we've no idea who'll come. Most people will just be passing and hear us; they might leave after a few minutes to continue their fun. This concert is just for fun and you won't wear your fancy clothes for that. The main concert is going to be the evening after, in Paris."
"For the concert the other night, we had access to hairdressers to help. Will we have any such help here?"
"Don't worry; if people need help then it will be available. Now stop fretting and try and get some sleep. It's quite a long journey."
We got to the Chunnel with time to spare, so we all piled into the small eatery that they had there. We all started to get off the coach when I noticed that Jessica and Sam weren't with us. I climbed back into the coach and found Jessica refusing to get out.
"What's the problem?" I asked.
"I can't do it," Jessica replied. "People will notice."
"Jessica, the school wouldn't let you out if they didn't feel you were passable."
"Really?" she asked, dabbing her eyes with a tissue.
"Yes, really. Do you remember when Jill was outed and I went up to get her? Well, they wouldn't let Christopher go because he wasn't passable. You and the school have both worked hard over the last few weeks to make sure you are ready. You've worked hard on your voice and mannerisms and you do pass. What are you frightened of?"
"That someone will try to beat me up."
"You played in that concert the other day, nobody said you weren't a girl," offered Sam.
"I bet they were all in on it," refuted Jessica.
"Cobblers," I replied, starting to get frustrated with Jessica. "I was asked to meet some of the people afterwards and none of them had any ideas what happens in the school. To them you were born a girl."
"So let's get something to eat before Lewis eats his hand," giggled Sam, pushing Jessica out of her seat.
"Head up," I prompted as we exited the bus. "Smile and be confidant."
Jessica turned round, smiled and stuck her tongue out at me. I smiled; Jessica was back. We were soon flooding into the food area and loading our trays. Mr Hobson was standing by the tills as they totted up the bill for all our food. I was the last one through and saw the total price...yikes. Gah, the food was awful. Well it was better than my parents used to provide, but it wasn't a patch compared to the school. Oh how quickly my taste buds had got used to the taste of good food.
The French passport checks, which occurred in the UK, were abysmal. We approached and they just waved us through. We could have been anyone. I felt slightly upset, as I'd wanted to use my passport for the first time. The coach got onto the train and eventually we were off on the short tip under the sea. During journey under the English Channel we were given pouches with money in it. I had a look and inside mine was an extra envelope marked Beta 5. I looked inside and there was extra money and a credit card. Since I was sitting next to Helen, I silently showed her. She looked and she had the same, apart from it being marked Beta 6. We put them in our bags, safely out of sight. I presumed that the beta money was for emergency use. I hope it was something that we never got involved in. If we did, it would mean that the alpha team was in trouble and nobody wanted that.
All too soon the coach disembarked and we were travelling out of Calais. I was too excited to sleep and watched the French countryside zip past. A TGV going in the same direction as we were, passed us with ease and disappeared into the distance. A farmer on a tractor attended his crops. I suppose I'd have seen none of this if we'd flown.
A few hours later the countryside was left behind, replaced by the concrete of the outskirts of Paris. My face was glued to the window as I watched aeroplanes queuing to land at Charles de Gaulle airport. We must nearly be there. I suppose we were, but it still took forty minutes till we were entering the outskirts of the Disney complex.
"Since we have had to change the dates, there wasn't much room in the hotels, therefore we will be split over three different ones. Years one and two, so basically you lot, are in the Newport Bay hotel. Year three is in the Sequoia Lodge. Year four will be in the New York and lastly year five is in the Disneyland Paris hotel. The staff will be divided between the hotels. Rachel, Dan, Mrs Russell and myself will be staying in this hotel. Due to you all being under the age of consent, the hotels have put in two single beds and a bunk bed into each room. Year one has eight girls and two boys, so Lewis and Brian will be lucky enough to have their own room."
Yes! At least I'll be in with Helen. It's a shame we won't be in the same bed, but I'll survive.
Mr Hobson handled all our check in details at the hotel reception. Things took slightly longer as the staff had only prepared two sets of card keys per room and five were needed; one for each pupil and a spare for himself. When he eventually had the keys, he came across and we all crowded round, eager to get our keys.
"Here are your keys," he said giving little packs to each person. "With them you have a map of the two parks and tickets to get into the parks. What I suggest you do is take your luggage to your rooms and go to one of the theme parks for lunch. As long as you stick to the hotel, the two parks and the Disney Village, then you can go without a teacher being present. However, you must inform a teacher where you are. So say you are going to the studios, you must inform the teacher that you are going there, that you have got there and when you are leaving, where you are going. You can do that using your PDA. The PDA's should show the positions of yourself, the others students and the teachers. Any questions?"
"Evening meals?" asked Helen. "Are we making our own arrangements, or do we eat all together?"
"Fifty-eight might be a bit much for a single place to book, but any walk in place might be fun, just to see their faces. Let me think about it, but why don't you try to all eat together with your year tonight."
Helen and I were sharing a room with Jill and Anna, so we all grabbed our luggage and headed to the room. When we got in, Anna went rushing to the bunk bed and asked, "Can I sleep on the top bunk? I've never slept in a bunk bed before."
We all laughed, it was hers. Jill took the bottom bunk, which left Helen and I in the two single beds.
"Why don't we leave the unpacking," Helen suggested. "Let's explore."
"How do we get to the park?" asked Jill. "Do we get a bus or something?"
"It looks close enough to walk," I replied looking at the map. "It should also help us get our bearings. Let's get the others and go as all ten of us."
We were soon traipsing through the Disney Village towards the theme park. I'd never been abroad before; in fact I don't remember ever going on holiday before, so this was all new.
"Studios or the main park?" asked Brian.
"Oh the main park," Anna and Sam shouted at the same time, their excitement bubbling to the forefront.
We passed the Disneyland Paris hotel and were soon entering the park. I remembered little else of that day, it was all too exciting and it all seemed like a dream. The rides were fun, the food expensive and the company great.
"Are you okay?" asked Helen as we lay quietly chatting. "You've seemed very quiet."
"Is it your first time abroad?" queried Anna from the top bunk.
"Yeah, it doesn't seem real."
"It isn't real," giggled Jill. "It's Disney."
"You know what I mean," I sighed. "I just expect to wake up and find my Dad cooking."
"Do you miss your parents cooking?" asked Jill.
Helen spluttered and I gave a small laugh. "Actually I do a bit. It was awful and the food is much better at the school, but still I miss it."
"Because it was something your parents were doing for you?"
"I suppose," I said thinking about it. My thinking didn't last long as my eyes got heavy and I drifted into dreams of fanciful places.
* * *
As my eyes fluttered open I saw Helen smiling at me from the bed opposite. I smiled and closed my eyes, enjoying the laziness of a holiday. I had no schoolwork. Yippee! I was in two concerts but they were nothing, they were fun.
"Come on sleepy bones," said Jill as she pulled back my duvet.
"Get off," I said pulling them back over me. "I've not had my morning cuddle yet."
"Not with Jill and Anna in the room," protested Helen. "Anyway, the bed is too small."
Breakfast was buffet style in the hotel restaurant. I was glad I'd had continental style breakfasts at the school or I'd have been lost. The Pain au Chocolat just hit the spot. I think the French had something correct; you should defiantly have chocolate at breakfast.
As breakfast continued, we were joined by others from year one and two. Since we were down for the start of breakfast, we'd managed to grab several tables. I think we were all still operating on school time, where we got up early for jogging or cycling. France, being an hour ahead of England, made us seem less like mad English people.
"Today is another free day," said Mr Hobson as he joined us. "Tomorrow we will have a small competition, which I hope you find fun. Tuesday will be mostly free, but in the evening I have reserved a room for us to practice for Wednesday's and Thursday's concerts."
The day was fun and I was able to relax until we went on Space Mountain II. Oh my goodness, how could anyone find that relaxing. However, I wasn't the worst. Sam looked slightly ill.
"Are you okay?" asked Jessica as we entered the warm sunshine.
"I think so," Sam replied. "Can we sit down for a moment? My legs feel like jelly."
"That’s not a problem," we agreed. We all sat down, while Lewis went to raid one of the mobile ice-cream stands.
"Hey, where's mine?" asked Helen, trying to keep a straight face.
"And mine?" quickly added Brian.
"Okay," he laughed. "What does everyone want?"
We never got the ice-creams as Jessica suddenly turned white and uttered, "What are they doing here?"
"Who?" I asked, grabbing Helen and positioning ourselves in front of Jessica.
"I just saw my parents,"
"Which ones are yours?" asked Helen.
"That’s them," replied Jessica pointing towards the ice-cream stall. "It looks like they have brought their nephew and niece."
"Okay, I want Jessica, Sam, Brian, Lewis, Emma and Paula to go to Disneyland Studios. That will keep Jessica safe. Helen, Jill, Anna and I will keep a discrete eye on them so we can warn you if they are heading towards the studios."
"We'll need to warn Wendy," pointed out Helen as we followed them towards the spinning teacups.
"The way Wendy feels about her parents, that isn't a good idea," I replied. "I think it would be best to tell Tracy first and then possibly Yvonne."
"Doesn't the PDA show where they are?" suggested Anna.
"Duh! Of course it does," I replied, going into a different screen. "This is going to take about twenty seconds as it uses a slow system."
"Slower than?" asked Jill.
"Never mind," I replied, wishing I'd kept my mouth shut. Helen gave me an inquisitive look and I just gave her a weak smile. I knew I would get asked when we were alone.
"So?" asked Helen impatiently.
"It looks like Wendy is with Yvonne and a few others in year three. They are currently on the train that goes round the park," I replied.
"Where's Tracy?"
"She's not far away from the next stop. If they get off she will be able to intercept and they will be quite far from her parents."
"I'll ring Yvonne first," decided Helen. "That way they can get off the train."
"Yvonne, it is Helen, Jessica has just seen her parents in the park. I've got Jessica and some others in year one to go to the studios, so things stay calm...If you get off the next stop, you will be at the opposite side to where they are heading and Tracy is nearby if you need her."
I was frustrated as I could only hear one side of the conversation, but it seemed that Yvonne understood all too well what Wendy was likely to do and would try to stop that happening. As Helen phoned Tracy, I decided it would be best to inform Stacy.
"Hi Stacy," I started.
"What's up, Jayne?" she said, sounding all business like.
"How did you know something was up?"
"Because you wouldn't have rung me otherwise," she laughed.
"Wendy and Jessica's parents are in Disneyland Park. I've sent Jessica with the rest of year one to the studios. I'm following them with Helen, Jill and Anna to make sure they don't go near them. Helen has rung Yvonne to make sure Wendy stays away. She has also warned Tracy."
"Good work," she replied. "Keep following them and ring me back in fifteen minutes. I want to find out where they are staying and for how long."
Stacy had rung off and I didn't have a chance to ask her how she was going to find out the details. I presumed she was going to ring the hotels in the area to see if they were registered.
"Tracy said she was going to speak with Yvonne, but wasn't going to intrude unless required. Andrea, as the team leader, has decided that they will go to the studios."
Fifteen minutes later I rang Stacy back, "Hi," she answered. "Exactly on schedule. I'm glad I'm only in the Disneyland hotel. It didn't take me so long to get back and get changed."
"Get changed?" I thought to myself. "What is she talking about?"
"I presume it's just Helen, Jill and Anna with you?"
"Yes."
"I wish Anna and Jill weren't there," sighed Stacy, "but I think they are learning quickly to keep silent about certain things. Where are you and where do you think you're heading?""
"We are near the castle," I replied. "I think they plan to go through it and out towards Main Street."
"Let me know if there is a change of plan," she said. "I won't be on my PDA, but am actually on channel Beta 1. I think you can set your PDA to interface?"
"I was told that six student PDA's had been tweaked, including mine."
"Great, see you in a few minutes. Please don't laugh."
"So?" asked Helen as I hung up.
"Stacy says not to laugh," I replied. I turned to Jill and Anna, "You know we don't talk about the day when you joined the school?"
"We understand it isn't something to discuss," Jill replied. "Why?"
"There might be other things that you see, that you might want to 'not see'," I suggested.
"Huh?" came out of Anna's mouth.
"Never mind," said Helen, trying not to laugh.
I looked where she was looking and saw Stacy, decked out like a Disney employee, standing at the end of the bridge. It looked like she had a clipboard.
"My lips are sealed," said Anna, finally understanding what I was saying. "Where did she get that uniform from?"
"That is something you shouldn't be asking, as you haven't seen her," replied Helen, finally getting back control of her humour. "Anna, why don't you come with me? While Jayne stays round here, just in case they decide to go back."
I watched as Helen and Anna walked past Jessica's parents and sat on the curb at the little roundabout. They blended in, as if they were waiting to watch the afternoon parade.
Stacy had engaged them and it looked like she was conducting a survey. I looked around and saw Wendy heading on her own towards her parents. "Jill, it looks like we have trouble," I said moving to intercept Wendy.
"Oh, shit," came out of Jill's mouth.
"Hi Yvonne," I said, answering my ringing phone. "Yes, I know Wendy has run off, she is just heading towards her parents at the castle. I'm intercepting. Okay, see you in a few."
I quickly hung off, moving towards Wendy who had stopped and was looking at her parents. Mrs Barnes reached down and lovingly hugged her niece and nephew. That was too much for Wendy and tears silently started to trickle down her face.
"Come on Wendy," I said putting my arms round her. "Let's go."
"I should be with them," sobbed Wendy. "Richard and I should be enjoying ourselves with them. We should be getting those hugs?"
"Would you really like to be William again?" gently asked Jill.
"No," uttered Wendy, looking horrified at the idea.
I noticed that Stacy had finished interviewing Wendy's parents, who had moved on towards Helen and Anna. Stacy didn't move and started conducting another survey, keeping an eye on Wendy. There was no way Wendy would ever get past her to her parents. I think Wendy realised that.
"Come on Wendy," I said, turning her round and headed off in the opposite direction. "Yvonne and the others are worried about you."
"She's going to kill me," she said.
"I doubt it," I replied. "However, she will be upset that you broke the rules. What do you think your parents would have done if they had spotted you and worked out who you were?"
"I don't know."
"If they were upset, what do you think it would do if they outed the whole school?"
"Oh my goodness," Wendy uttered in horror. "I didn't think of that."
"Look, you miss your parents. I miss mine," I said, sitting down on a bench.
"At least Jill still gets to see hers," lashed out Wendy.
"That was uncalled for," I replied.
"I might see Julia around school, but I don't get to be with her. She teaches me computer studies, but I don't see her other than that. What do you think it's like, seeing one of your parent's everyday, but being treated like a stranger? Sometimes I want to reach out and ask for a hug from her, but I know I never can. It is like being alone in a crowded room. You are apart from your parents and that must hurt. I am reminded of my Dad everyday."
"Oh," said Wendy, but Jill didn't stop.
"You know your parents, you can send them emails or letters and they reply. I can't send one to my Dad. I have no mother. She was killed after a drunk driver lost control and rammed into hers. I sat in the hospital, my sister in a coma, holding my mothers hand as her life slowly dissolved. I hope it is many years before you have to attend one of your parent's funerals."
"I'm sorry," said Wendy, sounding rather small.
I looked up and saw the year three students hovering in the distance, waiting for us to finish what was being discussed. Tim and Andrea were blocking Yvonne from approaching. Jill wasn't finished.
"You have a sibling at the school who you can talk to. You can share your past, your good and bad times. I sat in the evenings holding my sisters hand while she lay motionless in a coma, unaware that her mother was dead and her Dad was back. Unaware that we would never be able to be a family again, that she would never be able to tell her mother that she loved her. She would never be able to say goodbye. I told her, while she slept, all sorts about how Dad was back, unaware that my Dad was Julia. I don't know how I could be so blind. It took over a week of constant living with Dad for me to find out, and that was by accident."
"I'm so sorry," sobbed Wendy. "I didn't think of anybody but me."
"Look Wendy, we all miss our parents. I don't think we would be human if we didn't. I know it seems cruel that we can't see them."
"I know why, it just didn't stop me taking the opportunity when I saw it."
"So you saw your parents. Does it make you feel better?"
"No," she admitted. "It just made me feel worse. As I stood there, watching them, I know I could never go back. I'm lost to them."
"You aren't lost to them. It is important to you and to them, to stay in touch. Jessica said how much your parents valued your emails; you still mean a lot to them. She also said that you had cut down the frequency of messages, why?"
"It is difficult to talk about things, without telling them or revealing that you live as a girl."
"How would they react?" asked Jill.
"Till I talked to Jessica, I thought they might be okay. However, it seems my Dad thought Richard was a wimp and I'm not impressed with the way he reacted. At least he didn't beat him up."
"Perhaps one day the rules will change."
"I hope so," responded Wendy, wiping her face. "The school has given me so much; I play music and learn at an advanced level free of fear. I've had the ability to find the real me in a safe environment and a place where I can transition without others caring. Yet there is the price we all pay. We leave our families bereft of any items to remember them by, such as a photograph. We then are told that we can no longer see them, not just till we are eighteen, but forever. That total separation from who we were is harsh on people who transition, but what about those who don't? Yvonne was born a girl and she is stuck in the same situation as me."
"Have you talked to Tracy about this?" I asked.
"Many times, she says it is for the best. It is easier for everyone that there is a single rule. One rule is less likely to be broken. Everyone knows why the rule is there and nobody would break it."
"You nearly did."
"Oh god," she moaned, bursting into tears again.
I left her with Jill so I could talk to Yvonne. None of the year three students were looking very happy. Yvonne just looked miserable.
"Okay," I said as they gathered round. "Wendy is feeling very low at the moment and she will need all your support. Yes, she went to look for her parents and yes, she saw them but they didn't see her. She didn't approach them and no harm to the school occurred. Wendy, on the other hand, is feeling very guilty and I don't want a repeat of what Jessica tried. She needs love and understanding, not chastisement."
I took Yvonne to one side and said, "She thought seeing her parents would make her feel better about things, it did the exact opposite, she has realised how much she has lost, but Jill did a good job of reminding her how much she still has. I recommend that you both see Tracy for a chat over a hotdog. She will be at the Restaurant en Coulisse at the studios in a few minutes."
"Thank you," said a relived Yvonne.
"Glad to help," I replied. "But I need to get back to Helen, who is following the Barnes family. I recommend that you all go to the studios straight away." I looked at my PDA and saw that Helen was still sitting where I'd seen her sit earlier. I laughed to myself as I could just see their faces if the Barnes had sat next to them. That would have been ironic. "I recommend you catch the railroad express back to the entrance, as they are all sat at the other end of the castle. They probably wouldn't see you if you snuck down the side passage by Main Street, but it is best not to chance anything."
Jill and I quickly made our way through the castle and I almost burst out laughing. Sat next to Helen was the Barnes family. If there was a God I think he has a strange sense of humour.
"I don't believe it," laughed Jill.
"Nor me," I replied. "This should be fun. We are going to have to watch the parade so that the Barnes's don't get suspicious."
It was starting to get busy and I was glad that Helen and Anna had put bags down so we could sit next to them. I ended up sitting next to Mrs Barnes.
"Isn't this great," I said to Mrs Barnes in French.
"Do you speak English?" she asked slowly and loudly.
I cringed when she did that. Were English people really that bad?
"A little," I said trying to speak English with a French accent. I sounded awful and I hope that they didn't twig. I heard a slight snigger from Helen, who I nudged.
"Do you know what time the parade starts?"
"In fifteen minutes," I replied. As I answered, a Disney worker asked us to put our feet back. I had to stop myself from laughing, it was Stacy. What was she doing still dressed like that?
"Thanks," replied Mrs Barnes.
"You have two lovely children, very well behaved."
"Thank you, but you don't look much more than a child yourself."
"Oh, how do you say it, I'm flattered."
"They are my niece and nephew. We have three sons of our own. Two of them go away to school and we had heard they would be in Disney today, so we came across to see if we could see them. They are both in an orchestra."
"You must be so proud," I replied. Surely Wendy wasn't so stupid as to tell her parents where to find us.
"Oh, we are. I'm so gutted that we haven't seen them. It was going to be a surprise."
"Surely the son that told you would know you were coming?" I asked, trying to find out if it was Jessica or Wendy.
"Oh they didn't tell me," she replied. "It was one of the teachers that sent me a message."
One of the teachers? That didn't make any sense. Why would one of the teachers do that?
"Perhaps the teacher was wrong?"
"They must have been, but we've had such a great day."
"So what are your sons like?"
Mr Barnes who had been listening said, "William and Richard both go to this special music school. William, the older boy, is doing so well that he has taken some of his exams two or three years early. I was a bit worried that Richard wouldn't fit in, but this teacher said that he'd found his feet and was excelling at school. Richard wasn't turning out as I expected, but now he is gone, I am missing him as much as I am William. I can't wait till they're both finished at school, so I can see them again."
"They sound wonderful," I replied. "Does Richard know you miss him?"
"No," he replied thoughtfully. "I never did tell him. It might be too late though, as I said a lot of things that probably hurt him. I never supported him when he needed it the most and I can never forgive myself for that."
"Don't fret, dear," said Mrs Barnes, laying her hand on her husbands leg. "If we don't see him today, then you can write him a note tomorrow."
As the parade finished, we saw Brenda, Fran and Ingrid start to follow the Barnes. I thought Andy came on the trip, not Brenda?
"I thought your cover might have been blown," said Stacy as she came up to us.
"Brenda?"
"She thought three girls might fit in better than two girls and a boy. I saw you chatting with Wendy's parents. Did you find out anything?"
"They said that a teacher at the school had told them that they would be here and that they were here just for the day"
"I'd got that they were here just for the day. Are you sure about a teacher telling them?"
"Very, I double checked. The same teacher is telling them how they're getting on."
"Thank you," said Stacy. "I must go and get changed, before I'm roped into doing something else! I will sort things out from here. Why don't you go and join Jessica and the rest of year one and three. I'm sure she will be relieved to know that all is okay."
As we made our way out, Helen said, "We don't mention what Mr and Mrs Barnes said to anyone. If there is a teacher telling the parents, we daren't tip them off."
"I think we've got the hang of not saying anything about what we see when we are with you," laughed Anna.
"You don't think it's Julia?" asked Jill.
"I doubt it," I replied, knowing what happened after the dress rehearsal, "but it is probably best that you don't mention it."
"I wouldn't have a chance, even if I wanted to," sighed Jill.
As we walked towards the studios, our PDA's pinged. We all pulled them out, Jill got there first. This was rather like a Wild West shootout; who could draw the fastest.
"We're all going to eat at Annette's diner at seven," she said.
"Where's that?" asked Anna.
"That’s in the Disney Village," I said. "We passed it this morning; it looks like a 1950's diner. Something you might see in 'Back to the Future'."
"What?"
"Sorry, my parents like to watch old movies. Er, 'Happy Days'?"
"Nope."
"You'll see," I laughed.
We found the others just before they went into Cinimagique. Having been tortured with old films, as well as soap opera's, I felt quite at home with the special montage."
"That made a nice relaxing change," said Helen as we came out. "We've been running around all day, so it was good to sit for a little while."
"I know what you mean," I said. "Even when we were sitting for the parade, we were constantly in action."
Jill turned to Paula and asked, "Did you do the back lot tour?"
"Not yet," she replied. "We did the Aerosmith ride three times. Lewis and Brian thought it was wonderful."
"And you didn't?" laughed Brian.
"Okay, I liked it too," she replied. "Just don't tell Emma."
Emma, who was standing next to Paula, just stuck out her tongue. "Jayne, next time you setup PDA's for trips here or any theme parks, can you integrate with the parks queuing system. It would be really cool if we knew how long each queue was."
Unfortunately there was a ninety minute queue, which we joined. Since it was a popular attraction, it would have been best if we had done it first thing in the morning. It was well worth the wait though and I was glad I was sitting on the right. Poor Jill, who was sat on the left, got soaked.
"Thank you for earlier," said Wendy as we went towards the exit. She'd been sitting a few rows back, so we hadn't had the opportunity to talk till now.
"Hey, it added a little bit of excitement to the day," I laughed, trying to quell her nerves.
"Did you see Stacy?" she giggled.
"I think it's best you forget how she was dressed," I suggested.
"Don't worry; I've been at the school too long to talk about things like that.
The rest of the afternoon passed without incident and the excitement of earlier soon faded from our conscious thoughts. We were the first to get to Annette's diner and noticed that it was virtually empty.
"Can we have a table for eighteen?" Tim asked. Just as he spoke years two, four and five turned up and the teachers also came. "Actually can you make that fifty-eight?"
"Fifty-eight?" the waitress squeaked, almost falling off her roller-skates. "Aren't you a bit young to be booking that many?"
"Can't you fit us in?" he asked innocently, his voice full of confidence from completing two years at Hayfield Hall.
"Of course," she replied, regaining a little composure. "Why don't we spread you down the left hand side, filtering towards the back?"
As we started to sit, Stacy appeared and said, "Jessica and Sam, why don't you go and sit with Yvonne and Wendy?"
"Thanks," said Jessica, her eye's lighting up.
"Thank you," said Wendy. "I don't think you know how much this means to me."
"I think I do," she replied with a laugh. She then turned to Helen and me, "Since each table seats six, why don't you sit with me and Brenda? It will then let Paula, Emma, Brian, Lewis, Anna and Jill sit together."
"Okay," I replied. "Who else is sitting with us?"
"Are you okay with Fran and Ingrid joining us?"
"Not at all," I laughed. "After today, it might be fun."
Each table had a link to the juke box. We could put in money and they would play the track we asked. I was tempted, but saw others busy selecting tracks and worked out there would probably be enough music to last till we were long gone.
"So, did they behave this afternoon?" I asked Brenda.
"Yep, we had lots of fun following them. I thought that they might head towards the studios, but that didn't happen. They seemed more interested in making sure their niece and nephew were happy and entertained."
"Let's hope they have given up and gone home," Helen replied. "Sorry that you all got involved and it spoiled your fun."
"It was a lot more fun doing what we did," said Ingrid. "The rides are great, but doing what we did, probably made me produce more adrenaline than any ride could ever do."
I was half way through eating a burger when I heard a voice ask, "Can we have a table for four?"
"That sounded like Mr Barnes," I said to the rest of the people on the table.
Will the Barnes parents find Wendy and Jessica? A school treasure hunt with a twist and a very familiar building.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 15
"Yes, it's the Barnes's," said Stacy, who had a view of the entrance. "It is a good job that we're all sticking to speaking French. It should confuse them a bit."
The Barnes's were seated near our table, so we were able to hear what they said. "Are you sure this is where she said they would be?" asked Mr Barnes.
"She said to be at Annette's diner and they would be there."
"There just appears to be a lot of French schoolchildren. There is no sign of our two."
"Never mind, dear. You'll have to tell him in that letter."
During the meal Mr Barnes got up to go to the toilet. He walked right past Wendy and Jessica and he didn't notice them. He was looking for two boys not two girls, who looked nothing like boys dressed as girls. Wendy and Jessica were so distracted with each others stories of their childhood together, that neither of them noticed their parents.
Even though we had started eating before the Barnes, we seemed to take more time over our meals. We chatted away and delayed desert while we all decided what we wanted. It takes time for so many children to make up their minds. Especially when people like Helen was deciding to watch her weight.
"I'm sure I won't fit into my concert dress," she moaned.
"Don't fret," I said. "We've done so much walking today that you won't have put any weight on. In fact it will probably be falling off your slim, gorgeous body."
"Stop it," said Helen blushing.
"Stop what?" I said, trying to sound innocent. "I'm only speaking the truth. Sometimes you act a bit like a male, but in the way you look after yourself, there is nothing masculine about that. You take good care of yourself, your body is stunning, your hair is shiny and radiant, and your eyes just sparkle with the joys of the day."
"It's a good job they have Anna and Jill share the same bedroom," commented Fran. "I worry for poor Jayne's virtue. It must be bad enough seeing Jayne all dolled up like her dreams, but then to make such comments would send any woman over the top."
Helen was trying to say something, but she couldn't. Her face was red with embarrassment and I think she was about to burst.
"Helen," said Brenda. "Why don't we go visit the toilet?"
"Huh?"
"Helen, go with Brenda," I ordered, moving out of the way so she could slide out from behind the table.
"Will she be okay?" I asked Stacy as Ingrid and Fran both disappeared to chat with some friends in year two.
"She will be, once she's spoken with Brenda. She's fancied you for years and worried that she thought of you as a girl. Now you are dressed as her fantasies, and making such sweet sounding words, she wants more."
"More?"
"More," she said, wiggling her thinly arched eyebrows.
"But I can't," I almost screamed, realising what Stacy was implying. "Anyway, it's against the rules."
"You won't be the first one to break that rule," said Stacy. Then quietly and gently asked, "But that isn't your problem, is it?"
"No," I said quietly, tears filling my eyes, ashamed of my reaction.
"Let's go for a walk, so that we can talk about this privately," suggested Stacy, rising from the red cushioned bench.
As we walked towards the entrance, we passed Rachel who was chatting away with Mr Hobson. "We're just going for a personal chat," informed Stacy. "I'll drop Jayne off when we are finished."
Rachel's raised her eyebrows when she saw my pained face, but didn't say anything. Mr Hobson just nodded his head and said, "Take care and if you need longer, then take it. I got the report back on the information, the two mailboxes were clean. More searches are taking place."
"Do you see the couple over there, with the two young children?" I asked, trying to sound coherent. "That's Mr and Mrs Barnes. They came in here because they had been tipped that their children would be in here. Wendy and Jessica haven't been alone and couldn't have tipped them off."
"Thanks," replied Mr Hobson thoughtfully. "This certainly changes things."
As we walked into the warm evening air, Stacy steered us towards her hotel. In her room she ushered me to a small settee.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked. "Why did you ask such personal questions at the diner?"
"Because you two are special," replied Stacy, passing me a glass of water. "You both took charge this morning; protecting, not just Jessica and Wendy, but the whole school. Nobody asked you to do what you did, but you did it on your own accord. Actions like that are why you were made the offer you were. I could've got Rachel to see you, but the issue developed now, so we are dealing with it. You implied that the rules were a secondary issue. That isn't something you would come to your own conclusion without Rachel forcing you to examine your emotions. So tell me about it. It won't go further than me and Brenda."
"I feel sick when I get big," I said, not wanting to be here or have this conversation.
"Is that because you don't like Helen?"
"No, I love Helen."
"Do you hate your body?"
"I don't know. I haven't had any issues dressing as Jayne but I never had any personal issues as David. Well apart from that one reaction."
"I see," said Stacy. "Do you prefer being Jayne or David?"
"The clothes don't make any difference," I said, after a few moments thought. "I didn't need much help to be passable as Jayne. It seemed I walked and talked a lot like Jayne, even when I was David. No wonder I had a hard time at school."
"After excitement like today, Brenda gets very horny," shared Stacy. "I saw the same look in Helen's face that I sometimes see in Brenda's."
"So what do we do? I'm not going to have sex, I don't feel ready."
"I'm not telling you to have sex with Helen, and as you said, it's against the school rules as well as being against the law. Brenda is having a chat with Helen and hopefully she'll look at your point of view instead of letting her emotions override her sensitivity to you. You also have to look deeper into your feelings about yourself. You don't like a certain reaction of your body, for some reason. Now that might be due to upbringing, fear, shock or possibly some other reason."
"Could it be because subconsciously I'm mentally a girl?"
"It could be, only you know what you want. It's probably too early to tell as you haven't had the chance to explore your feelings. If you had the opportunity to be David or Jayne, which would it be?"
"Well Helen seems to prefer Jayne-"
"That is not a good reason," interrupted Stacy. "You can't decide on the basis of what someone else wants. What do YOU want for yourself? This is one decision that you have to be very selfish about. If others say you are being selfish over it, then you are making the decision in the correct way."
"I'd like to stay as David."
"Why?" pounced Stacy, "because it's easier? Because it's something you've always been? Because you think that's what your parents want?"
"I suppose. I just don't know," I answered near tears.
"Now that's more of a truthful answer," said Stacy, putting her arms around me. "It hurts more as well, doesn't it?"
"I'm just so frightened," I said, a few tears leaking from my sore eyes against my will.
"I know, but you aren't alone," reassured Stacy. "This is the prime reason you are at Hayfield Hall; not because of future employment, but because you need to learn about yourself in a safe and secure environment."
"So what do I do about Helen?" I said, calming down a little.
"You talk to each other. She will understand that you have issues that you need to resolve. I was lucky that I already knew I wanted to be a girl."
"Is it worth it?"
"Is what worth it?"
"Being a girl, all the hassle you are going through?"
"For me it isn't hassle. It is something I need to do to become happy with myself. I don't feel I have any choice. You saw what Jessica was like when she thought that she might stay Richard for the rest of her life. Imagine what it is like for children without a supportive environment?"
"It must be awful," I sighed.
"For some it is," she agreed. "Now, are you ready to go back to your hotel room?"
"I think so," I replied.
As we walked slowly towards the Newport Bay hotel I asked, "Jill was worried that it was Julia doing the leaking."
"It's a possibility," replied Stacy, "but I don't think it is. There are too many things amiss."
"So do you have any clues?"
"So far a blank has been drawn. The person involved will be caught."
"Jill is having a few issues," I commented. "It is a big strain on her, seeing Julia every day is like the separation is being rubbed into her face. She sees her father and it is a constant reminder that she has lost her family for the second time. She doesn't feel she can send an email to Julia, as it wouldn't have the same distance as the other students do."
"What about Beth?"
"I'm not sure if she writes to Beth. From something Anna said, Beth appears to have taken it very hard. She lost her mother. Now she doesn't see her brother any more and Julia isn't around much. She might live with Anna's parents, but she was never as close as Jill was."
"How is she coping?"
"I've not had a chance to speak with Anna," I confessed. "She seems okay, but how much is actually a front, I've no idea."
"It's a very difficult situation. It can't be seen that Jill is being treated any differently from any other student. However, it seems the impact is greater than anyone expected. In the short term, I'll pass it on to Rachel, so she can talk about it with Jill over a longer period of time. Also, I think it might be a good idea if Rachel speaks with Julia, as she is probably having a hard time too. For a longer term solution, that is up to Mr Hobson."
"I just want Jill to be okay," I said weakly, not having thought of the impact on Julia.
"Don't we all," said Stacy as we walked into the hotel lobby. "This looks like a great hotel."
"It's very comfortable," I replied. "Not quite as grand as yours, but very nice. This is the first time that I've ever been away."
"Ever?"
"Yep. My parents were quite poor, so we didn't have holidays."
"Its little details like that, which are never on student records," Stacy sighed, looking thoughtful. "What about the others in the year."
"Oh, they've all been away before. I think they've all been abroad as well."
"Well, there is Helen with Brenda," pointed out Stacy. "Thank you for today and I hope you have fun in the competition tomorrow."
"Aren't you taking part?"
"No, since it's going off the park area, each pair of students will need to be accompanied by a teacher. There are seventeen pairs of students in years one to four and sixteen teachers and helpers. Year five students will accompany some students. That leaves some of the teachers to monitor the competition and perhaps prepare for other things."
"Are you okay Helen?" I asked as we got within talking distance.
"Oh Jayne, I'm so sorry," said Helen, jumping up and giving me a hug.
"Sorry? What for?"
"For letting my hormones think for me and not thinking how you would feel."
"You didn't do anything," I protested, Helen's hug crushing my ribs.
Helen must have heard my laboured breath and let me go.
"No, but that was only because Brenda took me to one side and talked to me. I'd forgotten that you got ill under certain circumstances."
"We have both learned today, we need to talk to each other more. I doubt any relationship, no matter how well suited, will work unless both people tell each other how they feel. Helen, I love you so much that it pains me to have that problem."
"I know you love me. I love you too. Look, we're only thirteen so why worry about it now."
With that, Stacy and Brenda sent us to bed. I turned around to see them disappear out of the hotel door, their arms around each other, unashamed to be seen as two lesbian lovers.
* * *
"Everyone, listen up," said Mr Hobson, above the excited chat of the students. "Year five students have volunteered to accompany year one and some year two students. Each set of students will be set off in ten-minute intervals. You can go wherever you need to, to get the items. Nobody should need to leave the Paris area. It won't be the first pair back, but the one that is the quickest. Since each year has different tasks, I will be setting four pairs off at once. The most important thing is, no running. This is supposed to be a safe competition. I don't want anybody hurting themselves."
"What level of help can the person accompanying us give?" asked Lewis.
"They can't help at all with the competition. So no asking them to help, it will only embarrass them to have to refuse. They are there to make sure you're safe."
"Can I have Helen, Jayne and Stacy; Fran, Ingrid and Peter; Tim, Andrea and Mrs Russell; and Kevin, Susan and Dr Thompson."
"Which one?" simultaneously asked Becky and Keith.
"Oh sorry, Becky."
We all went up and were given a sealed envelope. Mr Hobson blew a whistle; our clock was running. Helen moved to one side and opened the envelope. We had to return with a figurine of Mickey Mouse, a pair of gardening gloves, and a picture of us outside a building where a hunchback used to ring a bell,
"I saw a leaflet explaining about Val d'Europe," I said. "They have a shopping area which should have the gloves. We can get the RER and then onto Paris for the photograph."
"Sounds good, lets go."
The RER station was just at the other side of the Disney Village, a stones throw from the entrance to Disney. Helen, whose French was slightly better than mine, ordered the tickets and we rushed onto the platform, just in time to catch the train.
"How far is it?" Helen asked.
"Next stop," I replied, remembering the information I'd read.
"Poor Fran and Ingrid were just behind us and missed the train," said Helen.
"Ouch, that's bad luck."
As the train trundled towards the destination, I said to Stacy, "Thank you for last night. It's nice to know that people are looking out for us."
Stacy smiled, "Your happiness is enough thanks."
"Who looks after you and Brenda though?"
"Oh, the rest of year five do a jolly good job," she replied. "Rachel also keeps a special eye open. She knows that the head girl is a hard position. Next year will be the first time that nobody from year five will be a beta person. That is going to cause some headaches for the lead beta couple."
"Unless they appoint someone from the current year four to replace you," I stated.
"I doubt it," she said, "but you never know."
The train slowed down and we exited the train onto the platform, up the stairs and eventually onto the street. In the distance to our right, was our destination.
"Impressive," said Stacy. "Are you sure you haven't been here before?"
"Of course not," I replied. "As I said, I saw a leaflet about it. They probably don't have leaflets like that at your hotel, it's too flashy."
Inside the shopping mall, it was no different really from one in England. It had the usual mix of shops including a small hypermarket. Well perhaps that wouldn't have been in an English mall. We found the gloves and Helen paid. One item down and two to go.
"I wonder how the others are getting on," pondered Helen, pulling out her PDA.
"Helen, they have stopped other students seeing where each other are," informed Stacy. "It stops them cheating."
"Oh well, it was worth a try."
"We can get the figurine in Disney," I said. "It just leaves the picture."
We started to leave the mall, when I saw a photograph shop with a curious sign in the window. "Hang on," I said to Helen and Stacy. "What does the rule exactly say regarding the photograph?"
Helen rummaged in her bag and pulled out the instructions, "We have to have a picture of us outside a building where a hunchback used to ring a bell."
"Well that is presumably Notre Dame. It doesn't say we have to go there, just that we have a picture of us outside the building."
"So how are we going to do that without going there?"
"Read that sign in the photographer's window."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked as she finished translating the text. They superimposed pictures of people on places around the world.
"It will only delay us a few minutes to find out," I laughed.
"I saw your notice in the window," I started. "Can you do us outside Notre Dame?"
"Yes," he replied. "But why not somewhere more exotic such as the Pyramids?"
"Notre Dame," I insisted.
The man just shrugged and had us stand in front of a blue screen. We all smiled and the photo was taken. After parting with thirty Euro, which I thought was a rip-off, we had our photograph.
"I don't think this is what Mr Hobson had in mind," she laughed, "but it certainly complies with the competition. It didn't say we actually had to go there."
As we waited for the RER back to Disney, a train came through, going towards Paris. We spotted Paula, Emma and Andy on the train. Stacy saw Andy notice us and gave a small wave. Andy smiled but didn't give any other response, not wanting to give a clue to Paula and Emma.
"There is a Disney shop in the Disney Village," I remarked as we got off the train.
It took us a while to find what we wanted, but we found a rather nice seven centimetre tall figurine of Mickey waving.
"Having trouble?" asked Mr Hobson, as we approached him.
"Not at all," Helen replied. "We've finished."
"Already?" he asked incredulously.
Helen took off her backpack and we presented our head teacher with the items. He pressed a few buttons on his PDA and stopped our clock.
"I've got to admit that you have all the items, but I am very suspicious. It is impossible for you to get all the way to Notre Dame in that time, let alone get back."
"You didn't say we had to GO to Notre Dame," I complained. "We have a picture with us outside the building. There was a photograph shop which superimposes people in front of places of interest."
"I've got to admit that was a most novel answer," he laughed. "It certainly does the trick. I'll give you extra credit for ingenuity. I doubt anybody will get back in the time you set."
"How goes the search for the leak?" I asked after making sure we were alone.
"We have ruled out any of the students. We did a search and nothing left through official channels."
"It doesn't make sense for one of the teachers to be involved."
"No it doesn't, but at the moment I have no other answer. Now it's going to be a while before others get back, so I have a task for you. I'd like you to be familiar with the area around the concert hall. Especially to the south."
"Of course, sir," replied Stacy. "We shall probably eat out, tonight."
"I'll get Andy to give you a ring later," offered Mr Hobson. "If he isn't back too late, it might be nice if he joined you for the meal."
"I'll meet you at the station," said Stacy to Helen and me. "I'd change into something slightly smarter and also grab a light jacket. It is warm now, but it will cool off this evening. Make sure you have some of your emergency money with you, just in case we get separated. I'll pay for most things, but if you do use any you must tally it up separately from the rest."
"How smart?"
"Not too smart, but we might have a nice meal and they won't let us in if we are in trainers."
I'd not seen trainers until just before the field trip. I bet they would disappear afterwards.
"Okay," I said, starting to understand what was being talked about. "See you in about thirty minutes."
"This is something a bit different," I said to Helen as we walked towards our hotel.
"Yeah," replied Helen. "Why are we doing it though?"
"I suppose just in case something goes wrong," I pondered. "We will then know where to go and what to avoid."
"You expect things to go wrong?"
"No, but it is best to be prepared. Stacy said that things have never gone wrong before, but you can never tell what might occur."
Thirty minutes later, we met Stacy at the train station. We were all decked out like tourists and Stacy even had a camera.
"I was going to do this tomorrow," said Stacy. "At least doing it today, I will be able to spend more time with my friends."
"You all seem to get on really well," I commented. "How does you being head girl affect the time you can spend with them?"
"It can put a strain on things slightly," she said after some thought, "but they understand and I make an effort to do things with them. I'm going to be sad when the year ends and we move apart. I've spent four years with them all, and they are like family."
"Won't you keep in touch with them?" I asked.
"Oh sure, but it won't be the same."
"So where are we going?"
"The 9th district town hall."
"What?!"
"The town hall houses the Rossini Room, which is where we will be playing. It isn't as large as the Mogador Theatre, but you wouldn't have played to so many people. Even with this venue we were sold out within two weeks of tickets going on sale."
"You're kidding?" gasped Helen. "Most concerts when we were at school were watched by family."
"You forget that our school has a reputation abroad for excellent music. It's just not heard of in the UK. Okay, we will catch the RER and get off at the Auber station. It will be just over a kilometre from there to the town hall."
We spent the afternoon walking around the area the concert was going to be. As we passed a row of buildings, one stood out as familiar, it was the building we'd met in as the beta team.
"I see the concert hall was chosen for another reason," I said, as we went round the corner."
"You only saw the outside once before and it wasn't well lit," complained Stacy.
"I suspected the reason for the wander," I smiled. "For some reason the design stuck in my mind."
"Did you recognise it?" Stacy asked Helen.
"No," replied Helen. "But I've not been one to live in fear and observe everything to try to avoid being punched. To be honest, I'm glad I didn't develop that skill, I know Jayne still thinks about those times."
I kept quiet, not wanting to say anything to deny or agree. I still had some male pride left. However, Stacy didn't give me room to manoeuvre.
"I still get the occasional nightmare," she quietly said, her voice tinged with sadness.
"Oh Stacy," I said, giving her a hug. "After all this time?"
"They aren't like they were and Andy helps. It took a long time before I accepted Andy instead of Brenda in the same bed."
"And there was me, trying to be brave," I said. "Yes, I still have the occasional nightmare that I end up being beaten-up for not staying alert."
At that point, I made a silent resolution to myself never to hide things like that. It could only hurt others and didn't really help me. I'm sure my nightmares would be worse if I didn't sleep with Helen. When I started to have one, she was always there with her arms round me. I'd never told her what was happening, but it seemed she knew.
Let's have a drink, I said, breaking the moody silence. "I could do with a nice hot chocolate."
"Mmm, yes," smiled Stacy. "That sounds just the thing."
We ended up sat outside a café in the square, overlooking the entrance to the Notre Dame. It was certainly more impressive than in the fake photograph.
Stacy's PDA went off and she smiled when she saw who it was, "Hi Darling," she said. "We are outside the Notre Dame, having a hot chocolate...No, we haven't had a cake, so if you hurry up you can have one when you get here. Don't forget to put on a jacket, it gets cool at night."
"So, what do you think of Paris?" I asked Helen.
"Great so far, but I've not seen anything. While we are in the centre, would it be possible for us to see inside Notre Dame and possibly see the Eiffel Tower?"
"I was going to suggest that," laughed Stacy. "Let's wait for Andy though. He would kill me if we saw it without him."
"I know I shouldn't ask this," I said taking another sip of chocolate, "but I'm confused. I've only seen you as Marcus during that Monday. However, Andy seems to be Brenda a lot more often."
"That's true," nodded Stacy. "In my mind there isn't a lot of difference, so I sometimes don't realise if it is Andy or Brenda. Andy isn't transgendered but a cross-dresser. Andy was born male and will probably die male. To Andy, getting dressed up as Brenda is just a bit of fun. He enjoys the thrill and excitement it gives and he likes to fool people."
"Sorry for asking," I said, feeling guilty that I had.
"Its fine," replied Stacy, leaning across and putting her hand on mine. "Andy won't mind that you know. You two have been very open about yourselves and we should be the same. You know my birth sex and it hasn't changed how you treat me. I doubt you will treat Andy or Brenda any different."
"Um, I've not told Helen," I confessed.
"Jayne, you know you shouldn't have any secrets between you," scolded Stacy, looking furiously at me. "You of all people should know that."
"Sorry," I said. "Helen, Stacy is transgendered. She is like Jessica and Emma."
"I'm afraid that I was prejudice," admitted Helen. "When we were to be waxed, I asked for you because I was worried about being seen in my underwear by Andy. I didn't think about what was underneath, but what was visible. It shouldn't have mattered to me who did the waxing."
"Is that why you asked to be done by Andy?" asked Stacy.
"I thought some of the girls might be nervous, so I offered. Anyway, I'd heard that Brenda was better than you at some beauty things."
Stacy burst out laughing. "That she is, but please don't remind her too often, or I'll never hear the end of it! Please excuse me, nature calls."
When Stacy disappeared into the café to use the toilet, Helen turned to me and said, "Okay, there's more, isn't there? You know what she meant when she said nightmares."
I proceeded to tell Helen the little that Stacy had told me, during the dash to get Jill and Anna. When Stacy reappeared, Helen, who was still upset at what I'd told her, jumped up and gave Stacy a big hug.
"Thank you," replied Stacy sombrely. "It's good to know that I've support of the few people that know. It's also nice that Jayne told you when I wasn't here."
By the time Andy arrived, we were all sedate again. The smile on Stacy's face grew as she saw her partner enter the square.
"Hi," he said giving Stacy a kiss on her lips.
He leaned across and gave Helen a kiss on her cheek. He looked at me and I gave a slight nod. I braced myself for the horror but it was nothing like I expected. He gave me a very gentle peck and it was over with.
"You can breathe again," giggled Helen.
"That was very brave," commented Andy.
"Stacy said yesterday that I don't know who I am. I know it isn't really the time to find out, but I never look a gift horse in the mouth. Anyway it isn't my first kiss; Keith Thompson kissed me after the rehearsal concert. Though that was unexpected and I consented to yours."
"Well be careful," said Stacy, her face slightly worried. "Freaking out on a field trip isn't good. The school wouldn't have let you come as Jayne if they thought there was any chance of that."
"What? You mean if I'd been upset, I could have come as David?"
"Don't you remember the first rule of the school; your safety. As Mr Hobson probably told you when you joined, the psychiatrist's can overrule anything at the school."
"I don't feel like freaking out," I said. "I'm not as unhappy about being Jayne as I thought I would be. My uncle thought it was fun, so I'm trying. When I get back to school, David will probably be back. Sorry Helen."
"I just want you to be happy," relied Helen, though I could hear the tinge of disappointment in her voice.
"Didn't someone say cake?" asked Andy, changing the subject.
After the cake was enjoyed, we spent the afternoon being tourists and seeing the sites. Paris certainly had some history and we didn't have enough time to even scratch the surface. I was quite disappointment to have missed the Louvre, but I'm sure I'll get another chance sometime.
After visiting the top of the Eiffel Tower, my stomach started to rumble. I looked at my watch and saw it was approaching six. We had been on the tourist trail for hours. "So where are we going to eat?" I asked.
"There is a lovely restaurant near the Sacré Coeur," said Stacy. "It has wonderful views of Paris. You can even see the Eiffel Tower in the distance."
"So it has nice views," commented Helen. "But what's the food like?"
"I don't think you will be disappointed. Jayne, you've never eaten in a restaurant before, will you be okay?"
"I'll try it," I smiled, my stomach getting those butterflies back.
"If you don't like it, when we get there, we will go somewhere else," offered Andy.
"Thanks," I replied.
"We could get the metro, but it only takes you to the bottom. The hill is quite steep, so why don't we get a taxi?"
After all the walking that we'd done today, I was glad to get in the taxi. Andy sat in the front, with the rest of us in the back. The traffic was a nightmare, but after twenty minutes we were being dropped off.
"I've never heard so many swear words," said Stacy.
"Is that what they were?" I asked. "We didn't cover those in lessons. The taxi driver certainly rode like a lunatic"
"Nor did we," laughed Stacy. "I blame Andy for corrupting me."
"Hey, I just like to understand the full details of a language," he replied, trying to sound pained at Stacy's comment.
"Can I have a table for four?" asked Andy as we went in.
"I'm sorry," said the Maitre d' in English, "but you don't look old enough to be able to pay."
Andy discreetly took out his wallet and showed the snotty man that he had enough for several meals.
"Very good, follow me."
"Not even an apology," I fumed quietly to Helen.
"I know, and he switched to English."
"Do you mind if we speak French," asked Andy, keeping in French. "I wouldn't want to appear ignorant in front of my friends."
"As you wish," he replied, giving us four menus with English translations.
Stacy, who spoke French with a French accent, spoke for the first time, "How dare you," she complained in a snooty French accent. "I don't speak this English language and you insult my heritage in giving me this filth."
"I'm sorry," he said quickly gathering the menus and returning with French ones.
Damn, I wish I'd got the English version. My knowledge of Haute Cuisine wasn't the best in the world.
Once our orders had been taken, we settled down to admire the view and later the food. Stacy smiled as she saw the look on my face as I ate.
"You like?"
"Oh yes," I replied, trying not to gush. I was so glad that the school had prepared me for proper food, rather than what my parents had concocted.
"This is food to die for," agreed Helen.
"Well don't get too used to eating in places like this," warned Stacy. "This was a treat for what you did yesterday. Also you need to have some experiences like this, just in case you need it in future life."
"I've never eaten anywhere so classy."
"This isn't that classy," laughed Andy. "You have that experience to come. This is just a very nice restaurant. I'm not wearing a suit, yes they frowned but they let us eat here. Some places we would need to be a lot more smartly dressed."
"The ones to watch out for are the ones without prices," informed Stacy.
"But how do you know how much things cost?"
"Only the rich eat there, as the price doesn't matter to them. Think of this as a stepping stone in your education, once you are used to this, you can move up the ladder."
"Education?"
"Education in life. Learning isn't just reading from books or in classrooms. Take today, you saw some wonderful sites and you learnt about the history of the time, when they were built, why they were built and things that were important about them. You could touch the walls of the Notre Dame, you experienced the wind and views from the top of the Eiffel Tower, and saw the majestic sight of the Arc de Triumph. These are things that you will remember and help your learning of French history. You learnt a lot more today than you would in a textbook"
"Yeah, we almost got ourselves killed trying to cross the road to the Arc de Triumph," agreed Helen.
"Yep, that we did," laughed Stacy. "I bet you will remember the chaos of the French road system and how mad their drivers are."
"Have you seen the time," asked Andy to Stacy after we'd finished our coffees.
"Yes, I suppose we better head on back, we have rehearsals tomorrow. We don't want Mr Hobson sending the teachers after us. I wouldn't want a repeat of what happened two years ago."
The mystery man is revealed and the school performs the first of the two concerts.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 16
"So, what was it like?" asked Emma.
"What was what like?" I replied, my mouth full of a croissant.
"No talking with your mouth full," scolded Helen.
"Yes Mum," I replied.
"It was great," I replied. "We saw inside Notre Dame, climbed the Eiffel Tower and saw the Arc de Triumph."
"How come you got to do all that and we didn't," moaned Paula.
"Because we finished the competition hours ahead of you," I replied.
"How? Mr Hobson wouldn't tell us."
"There is a small shopping centre at the next stop on the RER," I replied. "That is where we got the gloves from. We noticed a photo shop that superimposed people in front famous places."
"That’s cheating," moaned Jessica, thinking of all the time she spent trying to find the gloves. At least with the picture being digital they didn't need to wait to get the picture developed.
"Probably," I giggled, "but it was within the rules."
"We've done a lot of the rides," said Brian. "I wonder if we could go into Paris."
"Why don't you ask Mr Hobson?" Helen replied. Mr Hobson had just appeared with his breakfast."
"Ask me what?" he said, putting his tray down on an adjacent table.
"We were wondering if we could all go into Paris and look at The Louvre."
"You're bored of the parks?"
"We've done the majority of them," explained Brian. "The Louvre would give us a nice balance to the trip."
"That it would," agreed Mr Hobson. "I'll see who I can get to go with you. Why don't you all gather in the reception area at nine? Be wearing neat clothes and no trainers. I want you looking respectable."
At nine, we were all gathered in reception when Rachel appeared with one of the helpers. I recognised him as the mystery man that had spoken to Mr Hobson just before it was decided we would play Mozart's Sinfonia Concertante.
"All of you, this is Mr Taylor. He offered to help out with the field trip and, along with me, will be helping look after you today."
"Hello, Sir," we all politely uttered.
"I've been told who you all are, but I'm only meeting you for the first time, so please forgive me if I get your name wrong."
As we approached the RER station I said, "Why don't we go to the Auber station and we can walk past where we're going to play."
"Ooh, that sounds great," said Jill.
The others just nodded their acceptance, they weren't really that bothered, but knew it would please Jill, so went along with it.
As we walked towards past the town hall, towards the Louvre, I said, "Why don't we go this way? I think we found it was shorter."
"What are you doing," hissed Helen.
"Trying to prove a theory," I replied, slowing down slightly so Mr Taylor, who had been slightly behind, passed me and was in front.
"Well be careful," ordered Helen. "You're playing with fire."
"I will," I giggled, trying to calm her down.
As we walked past the building, I noticed that nobody, other than Mr Taylor, took any notice. The front door was closed, so he didn't get a look inside.
I moved next to Mr Taylor who was slightly behind the others.
"It's a very interesting building, isn't it?" I said, with my opening gambit.
"Very interesting architecturally," he replied.
"Shame the door was shut; the inside must be even more ornate."
"I'm equally disappointed," he replied evenly, not giving anything away.
I was slightly disappointed, as the subtle approach didn't appear to be working. I decided to be a bit blunter.
"By the way, you aren't as allusive as you might want to be," I offered. "I've seen you at the school twice."
He looked at me with a strange glare. I looked away and noticed a man that seemed very interested in us. Nah, it's probably just my imagination. All this thinking about spy stuff is going to my head.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to say anything, but if I didn't tell you, then you wouldn't be able to improve."
He laughed slightly. "Quentin said you were too observant, though you did a good job with Mavis last week."
"That is why you asked Mr Hobson to arrange for the Mozart, isn't it?"
"That was one occasion, what was the other?"
"The fire alarm."
"I thought you would have been too concerned, being dressed for the first time. Everybody else was too worried about the fire."
"Sorry," I again offered, putting my head down. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the man was still glancing at us. Even though we had gone round two corners he was still there.
"You better get back to Helen. She keeps giving you worried glances."
"She thinks I shouldn't be talking to you."
"You know that she's correct."
"Yes, but if I don't understand, then I can't help. I made sure you were who I thought you were before telling you about the two slips. It wouldn't have been fair to tell Mr Hobson, as it would have meant him admitting that you existed. Also, I don't like telling others about mistakes. I like to warn the individual if I can."
"That’s very noble, but you do realise I'm going to have to tell Mr Hobson about this."
"I know," I replied. "Sorry for causing issues, but I couldn't see any other way."
I skipped off and was soon walking next to Helen. She took one look at my face and frowned.
"You're in trouble, aren't you?"
"Probably," I replied. "But it was worth it. I found out what I needed to."
"Which was?"
"That he was glad we came this way," I said softly. "Helen, I have another theory, don't look, but I think we're being followed. Chase me."
I don't know how she stopped herself from looking, but Helen managed. She tried to hit me over my head, but I saw it coming and ran off. The chase must have seemed very strange but the others in year-one just egged us on.
"Helen and Jayne; stop it!" yelled Rachel.
Since we were ahead, I grabbed the PDA from my bag and used it to take a picture of everyone. I made sure the person who had been following us, was also within the picture.
"What was all that about?" asked Rachel angrily, as she caught up. "I thought you could be trusted."
"I'll try to do better," I replied, refusing to say sorry again. I felt I'd said it enough in the last ten minutes.
I attached the picture to a message and forwarded it to Mr Hobson with the message 'The man on the left was following us just south of the concert location.'
The Louvre was wonderful and we all had a great time seeing, not just paintings, but things from around the world. It made a nice change from the excitement of the rides at Disney. This was real, where as Disney, which was fun, was pure escapism.
The day was slightly dampened for Helen and me, because Rachel was keeping a watchful eye over us. I don't think she'd forgiven our behaviour from this morning. A few times I thought about talking to her, but there never seemed to be a chance, there was always someone around.
In the middle of the afternoon I got a message from Mr Hobson. 'Your instincts were correct; it looks like you were being followed. The man is an escaped paedophile who likes to abduct young teenage girls. Your picture, with the rest of your year removed, gave the police their lead and he has been arrested. He admitted to following you.'
I showed the message to Helen and said, "Do you want to join me, while I have a word with Rachel?"
"Oh yes," she replied. "I hate being in the dog house."
"Dr Ruiz," I said formally, "can we have a word about this morning?"
"Do you think now is the time for this?"
"Probably not," I replied. "However, this morning there was a reason for our behaviour. I thought we were being followed, so we pretended to be naughty so we could rush ahead and get a photograph without it being obvious."
"Really?"
"We just got this back from Mr Hobson," said Helen, taking my PDA and giving it to Rachel.
"I don't know what to say," Rachel said after reading the message.
"You did what you thought you had to," said Helen. "It did appear that we were being naughty and it was only correct that you told us off."
"Yes, but I should have asked for detail afterwards. It was so against your character that I should have realised that something was happening."
Helen whispered something in my ear. I turned round and looked at her, aghast at what she'd said.
"Are you sure?" I asked. Helen just nodded and I sighed. "Rachel, you're going to have to punish us for what we did."
"Why?" Rachel asked, puzzled at our request.
"Because it would destroy the others confidence, if they knew we had been followed by a paedophile," explained Helen.
"But that’s not fair on you," complained Rachel. "You spotted a danger and reacted. I can't punish you for that."
"Life is never fair," I said, reiterating something my Dad used to say to me quite often.
"Okay, I'll announce something when we get back to the hotel. Don't forget there is a rehearsal tonight for the concerts."
When we got back to the hotel, the others in year one had learned that we were going to be punished. They all gave words of support, but nothing they said deterred Rachel.
"Helen and Jayne potentially disgraced the school today," started Rachel, putting on a show. "Since this is their first time they've misbehaved, I will be light. When back at school, they will fetch the meals for three consecutive days."
"Yes Dr Ruiz," we both said together, hanging our heads in shame.
"You have an hour before orchestra practice," she said. "Disney has kindly provided a room for us at the conference facilities in this hotel. If you go to the convention centre, there will be details of the room. Oh, Helen and Jayne, Mr Hobson would like to have a word with you in his room."
As we walked towards his room, Helen asked, "Is this because of your chat with Mr Taylor?"
"Probably," I said. "Though I don't know why you're here."
"Probably because we are a team and we're supposed to keep each other out of trouble. Also the 'no secrets' rule is involved."
I knocked and was ushered in. Inside, on one of the seats, was Mr Taylor and on invitation we took seats near him.
"Why?" asked Mr Hobson.
I looked at Helen and she shrugged her shoulders.
"Why what?"
"Why did you go and ask Mr Taylor the things you did?"
"I didn't," I protested. "I just told him that I'd seen him at school twice. Since he is classified as a helper, I thought it would be beneficial for him to know he wasn't as invisible as it seemed."
"And the talk about architecture?"
"Mr Taylor seemed interested in a particular building. I just remarked that it had a nice architecture."
"Cobblers," interrupted Mr Taylor. "You were trying to find out if I was who you thought I was."
"You only assume that, because you know that I'm aware of that building. I said it like I did to try and make your interest seem plausible, just in case anybody noticed. I wasn't going to tell Mr Hobson that I'd seen you around the school, as it would be like snitching. I'd worked out you weren't supposed to be visible, so I kept it to myself till I could tell you myself. I didn't think it was fair to blab to Mr Hobson that his boss had made a mistake."
Mr Hobson gaped at me and Helen then put her hand over my mouth so I couldn't dig myself into a bigger hole. Perhaps on reflection I shouldn't have said what I had, but seeing Mr Hobson's reaction was interesting.
"Will you be quiet now?" hissed Helen in my ear. I had no choice but to nod.
"Helen, let Jayne go," said Mr Taylor. "I think she's finished."
Helen removed her hand and I breathed a sigh of relief. I had fresh air to breath again, rather than the stale air her hand allowed.
"You certainly have a knack of getting to know information," grimaced Mr Hobson, not denying or acknowledging my assumption that Mr Hobson, in some respect, reported to Mr Taylor. "In some ways that's a useful talent, but you have to temper your eagerness. You don't want to know too much; you can't tell what you don't know."
"I know, it was wrong of me, but Mr Taylor has had me wondering for a few weeks. He was so mysterious. Am I in trouble?"
"No, neither of you are, this time. It wouldn't seem fair after how you used your talents, while grilling Mr Taylor. I was very impressed with your maturity of accepting punishment to hide what happened. Now you better run along or you'll be late for orchestra practice."
"Why do I put up with you?" Helen sighed as we made our way back to our room. Our interrogation hadn't lasted more than fifteen minutes.
"Because you love me?"
"You certainly have come out of your shell. A month ago, you might have noticed things, but you would have kept them to yourself."
"Don't forget that last year I got into trouble hacking into the school computer system. I'm not as innocent as you try to make me out."
"Oh yes, Rachel mentioned it the first day we arrived at Hayfield Hall."
When we got to our room, Jill and Anna were chatting; both were sat together on the bottom bunk their arms around each other. Helen and I both collapsed onto my bed and breathed a sigh of relief.
"More trouble?" asked Jill.
"No," I replied.
"If she'd kept going, then I think we'd have been in far worse trouble than earlier."
"Wouldn't," I retorted.
"Would so," she laughed back, trying to tickle me.
"Hey cut it out," Anna ordered. "No making out in front of us."
"I was only tickling her," complained Helen, reluctantly stopping.
"What was going on earlier?" asked Anna. "It wasn't like you two, to get into trouble."
Helen and I both sat up and gave her a hard stare, which she quickly wilted under, "Well, it must have been bad for you not to say. You also look like you took a punishment that you didn't need to."
"Anna, stop fishing," asked Jill gently.
"Oh you are no fun," replied Anna. "I wish Erika was here. She would have loved seeing you running down the hill like that."
"I miss Erika too," sadly added Jill. "I remember the day she moved to Milton Keynes. I thought that was bad, but the day she moved back to America was worse."
"She used to fancy you."
"No she didn't."
"Yes she did. I think she likes boys who like to live as girls."
"You mean like you do?"
"I know I love you. I used to have a problem being seen going out with a girl. I don't have that problem any more. You could be green with pink spots and I'd still want to be with you."
"I love David and Jayne," said Helen. "I still have a problem though, if I think too much about it. I don't want to be seen as a lesbian."
"I remember having that problem," sighed Anna, remembering the shopping trip just before she moved to Milton Keynes. "I virtually ignored Jill all the time, even though it was me who'd asked for Bill to be Jill that day."
"How did you get over it?" asked Helen, sounding intrigued.
"Beth told me something," replied Anna and then went quiet. when Jill seemed to be overly interested.
"Which was?" prompted Helen.
"I'll tell you after. I promised Beth that I'd never tell Jill."
"Sounds interesting," mulled Helen. "Why don't we go for a walk and then meet Jayne and Jill for the rehearsal."
"You're quite fatalistic about everything," I mentioned to Jill, as Helen and Anna closed the bedroom door behind them.
"How do you mean."
"Well, you don't want to be a girl, but you don't seem to mind being seen as one."
"I was born with a defective body. I suppose I could fight it, but I can get on with life as I am. I'm not one for liking a large amount of surgery and there isn't much a surgeon could do to make me better. So I live with it. I have a girlfriend who has come to terms with my medical issue and loves me. What about you?"
"I don't have a clue what I want. I thought that I wanted to be David, but I seem to fit in better as Jayne."
"Why?" asked Jill. "Were you having trouble fitting in at the school as David?"
"No, but it seemed my life, before I moved, was on hold. I used to hide away and try to avoid life."
"If you'd been Jayne at your old school, would you have got on any better?"
"I'd have been lynched within an hour of stepping out of my front door."
"I don't mean it like that. If you'd always been Jayne, would things have been easier."
"I've no idea how much the bullying was because I didn't act very masculine, because I didn't fit in with people, or what. My Mum certainly suspected I was different, but I've no idea if my Dad or brother did."
While we were chatting about personal things, I thought about asking Jill what happened after her mother died. I opened my mouth and then closed it again when I remember Rachel saying that talking about her mother just brought her forward to talking about Dr Patel. If Jill was blocking talking about Dr Patel, as much as she was about her mother, it might cause her to have another breakdown. A breakdown at anytime is never good, but one away from school would be disastrous.
"Yes?" asked Jill.
"What?"
"You were about to say something."
"Oh yes, do you fancy going down so we can see where we will be rehearsing?"
"I suppose we won't be too early and the girls might already be there."
The convention area was nicely secluded from the general area of the hotel, which was probably great for people trying to have meetings. Seven year old kids screaming they wanted to see Mickey must really be off-putting.
We walked into the convention reception. The area was plush with a thicker carpet than was in the rest of the hotel. It still seemed to keep the hotels basic theme, but was grander. There was a smart looking lady, wearing a red suit, who smiled when she saw us enter. She was standing in what looked like an octagonal reception area.
"Can I help you?" asked the lady, as I helped myself to a cake, as we walked past them.
"We are with the Hayfield Hall Music School," I said with a smile.
"You look a lot younger than I expected. What ages are the students?"
"We are both thirteen and it goes till we are eighteen, so yes we are all young."
"You were going to be in the Providence room, but Mr Hobson asked that if the main conference had finished, if you could use the main Ballroom. The conference finished early and it has been swept, so you will be in there. If you can just wait here a few minutes, the seating is just being setup."
"Is it okay if I have one of your little cakes?" asked Jill.
"Help yourself," she laughed as I tried to hide mine. "That is what they're there for."
"Andy and Lewis will be happy," I said taking another one. They were delicious. I wonder if we could get the school to do snacks like this. Perhaps a cake tin in the common room would be the thing.
I mentioned that idea to Jill who just shook her head. "It'll never happen. They try to give us a balanced diet. They would make the cakes healthy ones."
As we waited, others appeared and the reception area started to fill up. More cakes appeared and so did jugs of juice instead of coffee.
"This is just the thing," said Andy, munching away. "I wonder if we could get school to do this."
"Not a chance," said Mr Hobson, entering the room. "Enjoy these holiday indulgencies!"
After talking to one of the members of staff Mr Hobson said, "Okay, finish off your cakes. I've been told the room is ready. Your instruments should be on, or by, your chair."
As we walked towards the room, I heard some gasps from people in front. I gasped myself as we walked through the doors onto a stage, where we were setup. Beyond was a huge hall that, I later found out, could seat just over two thousand people. In a daze I made my way to my seat and found my instrument. I sat down and stared out into the hall, totally stunned that I'd be sat in such a large hall.
I eventually came slightly out of my daze and felt someone gently shaking my leg. I looked up and smiled at Kevin.
"Impressive, isn't it?" he laughed.
"Very," I responded, my brain kicking back into gear. "I've never seen anything like this. It's much bigger than what we have at the school."
"I think that’s why they had us practice in here. Get the year one students over the shock now, rather that in a concert situation."
All I could do was nod.
"Do you know the Royal Opera House in London could only seat two hundred more people than in here?"
I looked at him in shock and he laughed, "You better get warmed up, we will be starting soon."
"Listen up," said Mrs Russell, bringing everyone back to focus. "I know there are a lot of seats out there and it seems overwhelming. Afterwards, go and have a look and it will be just a large room. The main concert will be in a large hall, but not this large, so don't panic. Tomorrows bit of fun will be in the Disney Park, so you'll be playing outdoors. Therefore, sound will be lost so you have to increase your volume slightly. We only have a thirty minute slot, so we will be doing the Handel and the Tchaikovsky. Both are light and people will probably recognise them. Don't be disappointed if people don't sit through the entire thirty minutes, as they will want to get on rides. Now let's go through this in concert order, so get out the Debussy."
There was no stopping; it was just a run through of the concert. If we didn't know the pieces by now, it was too late. As we played the pieces we seemed to have developed a growing audience. By the time we had finished the 1812, the back of the hall was filled with Disney employees.
We all had a surprise, when it came to the 1812. Lewis came forward and conducted. He'd done very well in some later rehearsals, but I didn't think he would be used in this concert. Perhaps he shall.
"Could you hear it okay from the back," called Mrs Russell.
A man came forward so he could be heard. "I was outside the hall and heard it," he said in French with a strong Italian accent. "That was very well played. When we heard your talent, the word spread and people wanted to hear these young geniuses."
"Thank you, but enough of that," Mrs Russell bustled, "you'll give them all big heads." She then turned to us and said, "Well done all of you, if you play like that tomorrow and Thursday, then you will have done me proud. Apart from the percussion players, please take your instruments with you, but please, no playing in your hotel room; we don't want you to disturb other people. Talking of rooms, in your rooms you will find a uniform for tomorrow. Please make sure it fits, but keep them neat."
"Uniforms?" someone asked.
"Girls have long flowing dark skirts, with a pale yellow top. Boys have dark trousers and a pale yellow shirt. The top and shirt have the school logo on them."
"Can you all count back forty-three bars from the end of the 1812. It should have a tempo marking of allegro vivace. I want you to mark that with a B."
There was a scramble to get pencils and count back in the scores. When we were complete she said, "Now count back another twenty-two bars from point B. That one should have a tempo marking of largo. I want you to mark that with an A."
There was no need to ask why those points were being marked. If the concert went well and we were asked for an encore, those were two obvious places to do it from. I presume the two points were there, depending on how tired we were. The 1812 was a very hard on all the players. The brass and woodwind had very tired lips and the strings had very tired arms. From point B it would last about ninety seconds. From point A it was about a minute longer.
"That was amazing," Helen sighed as we entered our bedroom.
"Tell me about it," I replied, imagining the hall full of people.
"I never knew it could be so thrilling," replied Anna, her eyes awash with the joy we all felt when we played. "I'd been concentrating so much on the music, which is very hard for me, and never had chance to enjoy it. Tonight, I relaxed and it was amazing. I've never felt so-"
"That never goes away," reassured Jill, putting her arm round Anna.
Jill seemed to be the only one from year-one, that hadn't been affected by the hall. I presume that Jill had played in large halls before.
Sleep didn't come easily that night. I kept thinking about being in such a large hall. I was also still on a high from playing in such an environment. Eating after the practice had helped me calm down a little, but my mind wouldn't settle.
I heard Helen tossing, as she tried to calm down, so I asked, "Are you okay?"
"I can't settle," she quietly replied, so she didn't disturb the snoring Anna or the silent Jill. I recon Jill could sleep through an earthquake.
I slipped out of my bed and joined Helen in hers. It was a bit tight in a single bed, but we managed. Helen turned onto her side and I spooned into her.
"That was real?" I asked.
"I hope so," she replied. "It was amazing and wasn't the concert. It was even better than the one last week, at the school."
"Tell me about it. It didn't take us as long to settle."
"Well you did have a bit to tell me first and we did have each other."
Being in the same bed, in each other's arms, we both settled quickly and we drifted off to sleep.
I'd hoped to be awake before Anna and Jill, but luck wasn't on our sides. When we awoke, we found them just finishing getting dressed. I'm still unsure how they managed to wake up and have a shower, without disturbing us.
I almost yelped when I saw the time. "Why didn't you wake us?" I asked rushing into the bathroom, praying that they didn't see my reaction to Helen.
"You looked so happy and peaceful," solemnly replied Anna.
* * *
For the concert, we hadn't entered via the route that guests went through. We'd been ushered through a staff entrance. We were shown into a room where we were able to get our instruments ready and tune up. As it approached four o'clock, we were all ready.
A Disney employee, sorry cast member, escorted us through a gate and into the theme park. We came out near the first aid building, at the top of Main Street and we walked at a leisurely pace towards the Royal Castle Stage, where we would be playing. Visitors saw us, in matching outfits and with our instruments, and pointed at us, wondering what was going on. A few even seemed interested enough to follow us.
The weather couldn't have been better, it was warm, sunny and without a breeze. The lack of a breeze was very important; otherwise it could play havoc, blowing the sheet music everywhere.
Even though there was five minutes before we started, the seats were already mostly taken. There were even some younger children sitting at the front, on the stone floor. Just before we were to start, we were introduced in five different languages; French, English, Spanish, German and Italian.
Mrs Russell raised her hands and I was soon playing in my first live concert, on my first field trip away. I expected people to move away, but they didn't. Perhaps they needed a rest from all the walking around.
When the applause from 'The Music from the Royal Fireworks' had died down, Mrs Russell turned round to the audience and said in French followed by English, "The next piece can get rather loud, with some sudden bangs and we don't want any children to be frightened. It might be best for young children to be with their grownups."
None of the children moved, in fact some of them giggled when Mickey Mouse suddenly appeared, waving a conductors baton and took Mrs Russell's place at the podium. What also was a shock was during the 1812 Overture, the crowds grew. All the seats were gone when we started and nobody seemed to have left. People were sitting on the ground, with people standing behind them. It was just before half way into the piece that I noticed that the children put their hands to their ears, the music soon faded and they lowered their hands.
About three minutes from the end, the cannon was fired for the first time. I nearly needed a clean pair of panties myself and I was expecting it. Some of the children were brave and just covered their ears; others were more sensible and ran to their parents. I don't know where they got the cannon from, but it wasn't like the one we'd used at the school concert. This was an outdoor concert cannon, which included a smoke effect, and looked as impressive as it sounded.
The eleven cannon shots in the last minute took the toll on most of the orchestra's ears and then to top it off, the quadruple forte was played as interpreted; played as loud as we possibly could. The smoke from the cannon gently blew across towards the audience and there was a silence. Was that because I'd lost my hearing? The sound of the applause soon filtered across. They weren't just clapping, but standing up to do it. Mickey pointed to us and clapped. Lewis, in the costume, was certainly enjoying himself.
My euphoria soon died down as Mrs Russell turned to us and asked us to turn to letter A. We were doing the longer encore. My lips were tired but I'd be able to manage, there were a few rest bars for me. I felt sorry for the strings as this was one of the hardest parts for them. We might have grimaced inside, but outwardly we smiled; we were on show. Mrs Russell conducted the encore while Mickey disappeared.
After the encore, we again were heavily applauded. However, we had no more to give and Mrs Russell knew it. She smiled at the audience, nodded at Stacy and started to walk out of the stage area. We took the hint and filed out in an orderly fashion behind. The audience also got the message and were soon on their way back to the rides, having had a thirty minute rest from walking and queuing.
"Well done all of you," said Mr Hobson. Mrs Russell was standing next to him and was beaming. "We've never done a public concert like that before and it seems to have gone down very well. I am very proud of every one of you."
Just then Lewis appeared and all of year one mobbed him. Mr Hobson stopped and smiled, letting the year bond.
"How was it?" asked Brian.
"It was great fun," replied Lewis. "But it was very hot under that costume. I don't know how they do it."
"Why don't we all go back," said Mr Hobson. "You then can change and have some fun. Tomorrow we will be playing till late, so if you can have a sleep in, then you might not feel so tired tomorrow night. Tomorrow evening, you need to be ready by five and waiting in your hotel reception."
As we got changed, I said to Helen. "I don't know about you but I could really do with something to eat. All that playing has left me tired, but very hungry."
"I know what you mean," she laughed. "You know we can eat in any of the hotels in the park, well why don't we go to the Chuck Wagon Café, at the Hotel Cheyenne? It is traditional American food. Very simple and should make a nice change to the fancy stuff we had the other night."
"Sounds good to me, lets see what the others think."
The others thought it was a great idea. There was a path besides a steam and we walked down towards the hotel.
"Jessica," I said, moving next to her. "Why don't you ring your sister and see if she wants to get her year down here? It might be nice for you to catch up some more."
"That’s a wonderful idea," she replied and contacted her sister.
The Hotel Cheyenne was themed on the American frontier and as we walked down the centre, all the rooms were decked out like you saw in the Wild West movies. There were even rocking chairs on the veranda.
As we sat down with our meals, the whole of year three arrived, followed shortly afterwards by the rest of the school. The rumours must have spread and we were soon having a wonderful evening. There wasn't a teacher, or member of staff from the school, in sight.
During the meal, we spotted a young girl, who looked no more than four, wandering round looking very sad. Since she was passing us, Emma moved across and asked the girl, "Are you lost?"
"What?" sniffled the girl in English.
"Are you lost?" said Emma in English, getting out of her chair and kneeling at the girl's height.
"I've lost my Mummy," she cried. "And no one helps."
"I speak a bit of French, so let me see if I can help," offered Emma. "What's your name?"
"Tina," said the little girl proudly.
"Well Tina, why don't we go and tell the lady behind the till. See if they can help."
Tina held onto Emma's hand, as they went to the till. We all watched, hoping that things would work out. A telephone call was made and five minutes later a young couple, who looked to be in their mid twenties, rushed into the room. Tina gave a yell of "Mummy" and rushed towards her frantic parents.
Emma smiled and watched, glad that things were okay, before rejoining us.
"Well done Emma," I said. "That was so wonderful to see."
"It felt so good to help others," she said. "Anyway, I'm sure you would have done it if I hadn't."
"Perhaps," I replied. "But you did it first. You also were so gentle, that she wasn't frightened. I'm sure you will be a wonderful mother one day."
"Thank you," sobbed Emma, with tears of happiness. "Thank you."
Sam has some issues, which seems to catch everybody off guard. At the final concert where is Mr Taylor?
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 17
"My hair is such a mess," moaned Helen as we got dressed. Jill and Anna had already disappeared for breakfast.
"How's mine?" I asked, now I no longer required a wig. They had worked wonders before the trip.
"You could do with a touch up," she replied. "I wish I'd thought of this before. Do you recon that Disney has a hairdresser's?"
"Not in this hotel," I replied. "However, there might be a salon at one of the different hotels. If not, we'll just have to go into Val d'Europe. We passed one when we were there the other day."
"Yes, but we should have booked earlier. We'll never get an appointment at this late hour."
I phoned reception and found there was a salon at the Hotel New York. I quickly rang and, in a rather puzzled voice, they informed me that we'd already been booked in for this afternoon. No wonder Mr Hobson was so unfazed when he was asked about hairdressers on the coach journey from England.
"We've appointments at quarter-to-one," I told Helen. "It seems Mr Hobson had already arranged for us to be seen."
"Why am I not surprised?" she replied, fastening her trainers. "Okay, let's grab breakfast and tell the others."
When we got our breakfast there was no sign of any teachers, or anyone from year two. I presume they were more used to sleeping late before a concert.
"We have some news for you all," I said as we sat down. "We all have hair appointments at the Hotel New York Salon."
"All of us?" asked Lewis.
"Yes, including you. I doubt you will be in the chair long, but it's important that we all look our best. We will be representing the school."
Just as we were finishing our breakfast Mr Hobson came in. "Ah, I'm glad to catch you. I have booked you all hair appointments."
"At quarter-to-one," we all chorused together.
"Good, good," he chortled. "I'm glad you are staying ahead of the game. Oh, Andy and Stacy have offered to do all your makeup. Can you let me know who you want?"
"Stacy," said Paula immediately.
"Stacy for me as well," said Emma, followed by the same from Jessica and Sam.
"I suppose I better have Andy then," said Helen, trying to keep a straight face.
"I won't want to upset him either," I added, the corner of my mouth twitching.
"What about you two?" Mr Hobson asked Anna and Jill.
"Well I suppose we better go for Andy," replied Anna, with Jill nodding. "Keep it four people each."
Jill was having a harder time than me in keeping a straight face. She looked up and saw my twitching lips and we both burst out laughing. Helen and Anna joined in and the other six looked at us strangely.
"What's going on?" asked Sam.
"Never judge the skills of a person based on their gender. I thought you realised that on day one, when it was announced that Paula's specialist skill was a mechanic. Stacy is good at makeup, but Andy is so much better."
"You're joking," said Paula, knowing in her heart that we weren't.
"It's not my place to promote one student over another," said Mr Hobson. "However, Stacy would admit it if you asked, though she would never admit it in front of Andy. Anyway it has worked out well, Stacy doing one room of students and Andy doing the other. Now run along, as this is your last morning of relaxation. Tomorrow after breakfast we leave for school and lots of hard lessons."
"Thanks," said Jessica sarcastically. "It's really great to be reminded of lessons."
"If you love them so much, I can make sure you get more," threatened Mr Hobson.
"Sorry," apologised Jessica, chastised. "I'm happy with the amount of school work I have."
"So, what shall we do today?" I asked, as we walked out of the restaurant.
"We could go swimming," said Paula, without thinking.
"Paula!" cried Emma. "You know that’s not possible."
"Oh, I'm sorry," replied Paula. "I forgot. I see you so much as a girl, that I didn't think."
"It's okay," forgave Emma. "I'd like to go on Pirates of the Caribbean again."
That set us all off and we all nominated which rides we wanted to go on again. Well all but Sam.
"What about you Sam?" I asked.
"I don't mind," Sam replied, turning red.
"Sam," I said gently. "We won't mind. You can choose any ride you want, we won't mind."
However, Sam wouldn't budge and I was disappointed. "Look Sam, I just want everyone to have the rides they want. I know some would have liked to go on Space Mountain, but that freaked you out last time. Nobody chose that ride so you could also be happy."
"If you-" interrupted Sam.
"Hush," I said. "Why don't you go on your ride, while we go on Space Mountain? That way, you can enjoy yourself without us having to know what ride it is."
"Are you sure?" Sam asked in a small voice.
"I'll go with you," said Jessica. "I think I know what ride you want to go on and I'd love to go with you."
"Oh Jessica," said Sam, flinging her arms round her. "Thank you."
"Okay, let's vote on it. Hands up if you think the plan is a good idea."
Everyone raised their hands.
"Excellent. Let's go clean our teeth and meet in fifteen minute."
The morning was great fun and we rushed from ride to ride. Sam and Jessica disappeared while we queued for Space Mountain. When we got to the arranged meeting place we could see Sam and Jessica chatting away.
"Hold it," said Helen and we all came to an abrupt stop.
"What is it," asked Paula.
"Look at Sam," Helen replied. "It looks like Sam's telling Jessica something very emotional. Sam has been holding back a lot to help support Jessica. I think it's Jessica's turn to help Sam."
"It's not good that this is happening here," said Emma.
"No, it isn't," I agreed, "but sometimes these things happen."
"So what do we do?" asked Lewis.
"Well we go sit down out the way and wait. Why don't you get us all an ice-cream?"
"Why is it always me?" complained Lewis.
"Don't you want one?"
"Eight ice-creams coming up," he sighed. "Come on Brian, I'll need your help."
"Do we tell Dan?" Paula asked, the others were seated on one of the other benches.
"I will warn him, but let's see how it develops before we get him to intervene," I suggested. "Jessica has seen us and knows that we'll help if she needs it. If Dan intervenes now, it might cause Sam to close-up. Since Sam has started to open up it's important that everything comes out. Dan can be there to pick up the pieces, if need be."
"You're the boss," said Paula.
"No, I'm not. We work as a team; Helen and I just get told things and told to tell you the bad news. We are also to operate as a voice for the rest of the year, so that Mr Hobson only gets two people nagging him, rather than ten. I took your suggestion and agreed with you that we should tell Dan."
"I suppose. I'm sorry if it seemed I was getting at you. It's hard sometimes, understanding what's going on at the school. You seem to have a better understanding and it's frustrating, being kept in the dark. For instance, the other day you and Helen got into trouble, which was so out of character for either of you. There was more to it than you let on, but you took the punishment, so we wouldn't find out."
"That's the problem," I frowned. "You lot are so intelligent, that you see me hide something and then feel resentful. Yes, something happened, but no, I'm not saying what. If I tell you, then I'll have to tell everyone and it would freak some people out. This has nothing to do with me being a year leader. Even if the leader was someone else, it wouldn't be something I would mention."
"You seem to carry a lot of secrets."
"One or two," I admitted, without really giving anything away. "The ones I do have are best they're kept that way. One thing about this school is, it encourages asking academic questions and learning, but it's best not to ask questions about other things."
"Like the way you stopped Jill and Anna talking about what happened, the day you went to get them. As soon as Jill started to say something about it, you cut her off, making it seem like nothing had happened."
"Nothing happened," I lied. "Anyway, I think that is something you shouldn't be asking."
"Mmm," was the only reply I got.
Lewis and Brian appeared with the ice-cream and we all waited. Dan said he would come to the park, just in case. Just as we were finishing off our ice-cream Jessica and Sam came across.
"Are you okay?" asked Paula, flinging her arms round Sam. Paula was quickly joined by the rest.
I gave Jessica a hug and asked, "It can be quite draining, helping someone in emotional distress. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine replied Jessica. Thanks for thinking about me though."
"Sam, do you need to speak with Dan?" I asked.
"I think it might be a good idea," said Jessica before Sam could answer.
I looked at Sam who reluctantly nodded. "I suppose I should know what options I have."
That sounded ominous, but I trusted Jessica to know when to panic. She'd gone through her own trauma and had learned the hard way that talk can help. If she thought that Dan was required, then it must be serious or something that she didn't understand.
"I contacted Dan earlier and he said he would come into the park," I said to Jessica and Sam.
Sam rang Dan and a few minutes later Sam was talking with Dan.
"Are you sure you're okay," I asked Jessica. She seemed totally lost.
"I listened and helped Sam open up, but I don't totally understand. I hope that Dan does. I wish I could have been with Sam while telling Dan, but Dan said that it needed to be a one-on-one session."
"Perhaps Tracy would be able to explain things to you," suggested Helen. I nodded, thinking that was a great idea.
"Will one of you stay with me while I ring," begged Jessica, nearly in tears. "If I have to explain things over the phone, I don't know if it will come out right."
"I'll stay," I offered. "You really care for Sam, don't you?"
"Yes, and I'm just so confused with what Sam said. In some ways it made sense, in others it didn't."
"Things can be confusing," I agreed, wondering what Sam had said. "I presume that's why we have our own therapists."
Tracy had heard that Sam had needed Dan and was nearby just in case she was needed. Within a few minutes she was sitting with Jessica.
"Do you want us to hang around?"
"We might be some time," said Tracy. "When Dan has a rough outline, we are going to move back to the hotel anyway. The middle of a fantasy theme park isn't the place to give the help they both need. I'd suggest that you carry on and meet at the hairdressers."
The rest of the morning was subdued. We went on the rides, but our hearts weren't in it. I'd catch a glimpse of people in our year checking their PDA, hoping to see an update. None came.
During our early lunch, none of us felt like eating much, but we knew that it was important that we had something. Even Lewis and Helen, who I think thought with their stomachs, hardly ate.
"Let's go to the hairdresser's," suggested Helen after a long pause, while we examined the half-eaten food.
"That's a good idea," added Paula. "They might have finished the previous people early."
When we got there, the last of the year three students were just finishing. Wendy came rushing across when she didn't see Jessica.
"Where are Sam and Jessica?"
"They are with Dan and Tracy," I replied.
"What?! Are they okay? What happened? Why didn't someone tell me?"
"Wendy, Jessica is fine. Sam told Jessica something, we aren't sure what, but it concerned Jessica enough that she suggested that Sam spoke with Dan."
"So why is Jessica with Tracy?"
"Because Jessica was confused with what Sam told her. It was something she'd never come across before, so asked Tracy to explain things, so she could understand Sam better. There is a growing attraction between them and Jessica is worried about it dying before it gets going."
"I was worried that she'd done something stupid."
"You know she wouldn't do that. In fact she was highly sensible about Sam and realised that there are times when you do have to ask for help. You should be proud of Jessica."
"I am. She will probably end up a far better person than I am. I'm sometimes a bit bitter and tend to blame other people for my own faults."
"At least you are thinking about the way you act," I replied. "That is a good start."
A lady from the salon came across to take our names. We were soon being ushered to have our hairs washed, styled and set, ready for tonight's performance.
While we were having our hair washed, Sam and Jessica came in. Sam had changed and looked more like Samantha. Sam looked a lot happier than earlier and Jessica just looked on with a tinge of concern. There was nothing I could say, as I was trapped, but I listened to her tell the others that she was okay and things would be explained when we were back at school.
When I saw myself in the mirror, I could have wept. I looked like my mother did in her wedding photograph. It was the only picture I'd ever seen of my mother when younger and it was by accident. I needed some money for school and my Dad reluctantly told me to take a fiver out of his wallet. Hidden inside was the photograph. As soon as he realised that I'd seen the photograph, he told me never to tell my Mum that he had it. I tried to find out why, but he wouldn't say. I'd never forgotten that picture and in my mind I could still see their happy smiling faces.
As we were leaving, the year five students were coming in. They were being called forward to get started. The salon was a hive of controlled chaos.
As soon as Stacy saw me, she came straight across instead of going to get her hair washed. "Can I have a quiet word with you and Helen?"
"Why don't you lot run ahead," I said to the rest of year one.
When they were gone she asked, "What happened today with Sam?"
"Sam decided to tell something to Jessica. Jessica decided that Sam needed to speak with Dan and then she was unsure enough to want to speak with Tracy. Sam seemed a lot happier since."
"Do you know that all the psychiatrists got together to discuss things afterwards? I've only got a little information, but what Sam was talking about was something none of them had come across before and they wanted to make sure they were in agreement. Sam is obviously okay or Dan would have been here and there would have been the possibility that Sam might have been excused from the concert."
"That bad?"
"Student health comes first. If there is any risk, all stops are pulled out. There will be an internal look, as students are checked before the field trip. There shouldn't have been anything left that could cause a student to have an issue during the trip."
"Well, if all five of them had to get together, then I'm sure that it wasn't something they were looking for, or expecting."
"Well if you hear anything, can you let me know," asked Stacy. "I don't like it when students get unexpected issues."
"Jayne's was expected," suddenly said Helen, breaking her silence. "Rachel was in the sleeping wing already."
Stacy smiled and nodded. "Why did she let me go through that?" I asked, feeling hurt that I'd been allowed to suffer.
"Because you learn more when you discover things yourself," said Stacy sagely. "Would Rachel telling you about your uncle, have had the same impact on you? Would you have still looked inside and tried to understand what he went through; what your mother went through; both then and now?"
I thought for a bit, replaying that day in my mind. "I suppose not," I reluctantly agreed, "but it's still not nice being manipulated."
"You weren't being manipulated. Rachel lets nature take its course. She was just there when you needed her."
"Okay, if I hear anything then I will let you know," I promised. "I daren't ask Sam and no one from the support team will talk, so the only possibility is via Jessica."
"Are you okay?" asked Helen as the salon door closed behind us.
"I still feel a little duped," I answered, a tinge of hurt in my voice.
"I don't know why I didn't see it," replied Helen, putting her arm round mine. "I love you Jayne and I'll always be here for you."
This was the first time Helen had shown her feelings for me outside the school, or in privacy. I put my arm round her and leaned my head against her. We got a strange look from a family walking by, but we didn't care. As we walked into the hotel, a lady behind the reception smiled pleasantly at us.
"Are you some of the students who practiced the other night?"
"Yes," we replied together.
"Oh gosh," she gushed. "You were all so wonderful. I've never been into classical music, but your playing was so captivating. Someone mentioned there was some music that I had to hear. I think that most of the hotel staff and more were listening to you."
"Really, it was only a run through. We have the main concert tonight."
"Your hair looks lovely. I hope it all goes well tonight and you have fun."
"Thank you," we said walking away, our hearts beating; partly because of the excitement for tonight's concert, but mostly because we were together. Would it be the same if I was David? Would Helen still love me and show affection to me? Well I'll find out late tomorrow when we arrived back at the school.
At five we were all gathered in the hotel reception. The coach arrived and we all clambered aboard. There were only a few adults with us for this trip and I smiled to myself when I noticed that Mr Taylor wasn't with us.
We were going against the general flow of traffic, so we weren't held up too much and under an hour later, we were entering the hall via the stage door. Inside, we were ushered into a room where we found our instruments waiting. The larger instruments, like the double bass and cello, were tuned up and some burley men took them onto the stage.
"Tonight we are playing in front a full house," explained Mrs Russell. "So when you go onto stage, the house lights will still be on. You saw what a large hall we had in Disney. This isn't as big, so hopefully there shouldn't be any shocks. If you see someone who is, then please help them tactfully to their seat. It will wear off, so don't try to be too obvious about it."
"Will Mickey be conducting the 1812?" asked Brian nervously.
"Lewis will be conducting the 1812, but not as Mickey Mouse," replied Mrs Russell. "Well I hope not anyway."
We tuned up and all the players, apart from Stacy, filed onto the stage. I was amazed how full it looked. Apart from the front row, where there were two obvious gaps, the whole place looked packed. Stacy appeared to thunderous applause and when the audience settled we proceeded to tune up.
We would have expected Mrs Russell to appear soon afterwards, but she didn't. Suddenly there was movement and in came a man accompanied by a lady. I tried to see who they were, but I was too far away. They must have been important, as security guards took up position at the wall.
Soon afterwards, Mrs Russell appeared to loud applause. I suppose that anything that happened in this hall would appear loud, as there were more people than I'd ever played to in my life. The first half passed off without incident and we were enjoying a welcome rest during the interval, when Stacy signalled she wanted a word. I moved away from Paula and Brian, so they wouldn't hear what was being said.
"The person you need to watch is on the front row, four in from the centre," Stacy said showing me a small photograph.
"Okay," I replied, looking at the photo and trying to memorise his face. "I will have the cleaning cloth from my horn with me. It is a dull yellow. If I drop it on the floor, I am saying that something appears to be happening."
"Okay, I've got it," she replied. "I just hope nothing happens."
"So do I," I said gravely, not wishing to think what I'd get up to if something did go wrong. "By the way, what's his name?"
"I don't know and it doesn't matter in doing our job."
"True, it was just that it would make it easier talking to you about him."
When we got back onstage after the interval, the front had been rearranged in preparation for the Mozart. I took my place, my nerves growing. After the next piece, I would be sat at the front, for hundreds, or even over a thousand people to watch. I was glad that I hadn't asked how many this hall sat.
Sibelius's Karelia Suite was only nine minutes and that time passed too quickly. Once I was playing, time disappeared, as I lost myself to the music. I'd never listened to much Sibelius and before learning the Karelia Suite for this concert, I'd only heard Finlandia. It was strange, every time I thought of Finlandia, I thought of the film Die Hard 2, which my Dad always seemed to watch back to back with Die Hard 1. This used to be on a Saturday night, when there were no soap's that mum insisted on watching.
The lights dimmed on the stage and I walked to the front and took my place. I wiped down my instrument and made sure that the cloth was rested securely on my knee. I didn't want it to fall, unless I caused it too. I didn't want Stacy letting someone know to tell the Alpha team to abort. There was a splattered applause, when the stage lights came back to full severity. I suppose it wasn't the same as having guest players, where there would be big show of them arriving.
There was enough glare from the stage lights, that I could pick out the people in the front row. All appeared to be normal with the person I was watching. I glanced across at the couple who had arrived late and almost fainted. I recognised the man, but not the woman. He was Jacques Chirac, President of the French Republic, Co Prince of Andorra and Grand Master of the Legion of Honour. I presume the blond haired lady next to him was his wife, Bernadette. I could believe it. I was about to play a leading role in a piece, in front of the leader of a country.
I can't do this. How can the school expect me to be able to play to someone so important?
I was bought out of these thoughts by Wendy tapping me on my leg. I was worried at first that she would disturb the cloth but she hadn't. "It's okay," she hissed, without moving her lips. "You played in front of Mickey Mouse yesterday and he's far more important."
It was such an outrageous statement, that it almost made me laugh. Then perhaps she is right. Yes, Jacques Chirac is the French President, but he is still human. In his way, Mickey Mouse is just more important to children than President Chirac.
I looked up at Mrs Russell, who was looking at me. I gave her a slight nod to let her know I was ready and focused. She gave me a slight smile, raised her arms and the strings came in with the opening bars. They were playing with such delicacy and lightness, that I had to smile. It was just as we had been told to play it and had never quite reached the expected bounce. You could see the pleasure in Mrs Russell's eyes. There was nothing like reaching your peak in the main concert. Now let's hope I don't make a mistake.
During the playing of the Sinfonia Concertante, I kept an eye on the other three players, Mrs Russell and the mystery man. Nothing happened. I was glad to see that he didn't appear to get any calls, or check on anything. In fact he didn't do anything, other than watch us play, totally enthralled with the music we were producing.
When the piece finished, there was loud applause. We were made to stand and the applause grew louder. Four young men came on stage and presented us each with a bouquet of flowers. I was glad that they didn't attempt to give me a kiss, even if it was just on the cheek. It wouldn't have felt right from a stranger.
As we went into the back to temporarily dispose of the flowers, Mr Hobson looked enquiringly at me. I gave him a smile and a nod to let him know all was okay. The look of relief on his faces was something I never thought I'd see.
The last piece was the 1812 Overture and Lewis came on looking very smart. When he got to the podium, he got his own applause as he took a slight bow. I was glad that the stage was so wide, that the percussion were over on stage right. The cymbals, even when they weren't close to my ears, still agitated me. Since I'd never actually heard a cannon fire, I wasn't able to say how realistic the sound was, but to me it sounded too realistic and I expected to see a smouldering hole in the back of the hall.
The applause at the end didn't stop and no matter how many times we stood it seemed to be louder each time. I noticed Mr Hobson, who was standing in the wing, out of sight to the audience, shake his head. I wondered who he was signalling to, but I had no time to worry.
"Encore A," came the order from Mrs Russell and Lewis again conducted with a flare that made him look like he'd been conducting for years. I wonder how much he knew, and how much was faked, just to get him through the concert. I thought Mrs Russell would have gone for Encore B, as we all seemed exhausted after all the effort we'd put in. This just seemed to delay things for longer.
After we'd finished the encore, we went straight into the French National Anthem, which excited and pleased the purely French audience. They all stood and joined in and sang along.
The applause started again but we didn't move. The concert was over, but we didn't get the signal from Mrs Russell. The main lights came on and some of the audience had started to get up to leave the hall, others stayed seated, wondering what was happening.
Mrs Russell gave a slight smile, closed her eyes and, with her left hand, pointed at Andy who started a drum roll. The audience, who weren't leaving quietly, suddenly fell silent. Some rushed back to their seats and others just stood where they were, shocked that something was happening. The orchestra knew what was happening, but was puzzled to why. She moved her right hand and we started playing the British National Anthem.
There were a few gasps of shock from the audience and there was no singing like during the French one a few moments earlier. As we finished, we did get a diluted clap. As we rose to leave, the clap turned into applause for the great concert that we'd just given.
Tiredly, we placed our instruments into the room backstage; they would be transported back to the school. This had been an exceptional concert, which I was really glad to take part in. I had taken part in a concert, where one of the most important leaders of the world, listened to me play. If six months ago, I'd been told that this would occur, I would never have believed them.
"Well done all of you," said Mrs Russell. "That was outstanding playing and well done for surviving the longer encore and two national anthems. I'm proud of you."
"As am I," said Mr Hobson, who was stood next to her. "Your playing was outstanding and I heard such good things from the audience as they left."
As we walked to the coach, Stacy came up and said quietly to Helen and me, "They got back safely, so it looks like the beta team can relax again. It looks like they got what they needed, but it needs to be analysed overnight."
I was glad that all was okay. The thought of helping had some appeal, but would I really be cut out to do what was asked? The run through, we'd had the other week, was good fun, but that was in the safety of the school. Heck, I'm only thirteen, should I really need to be having thoughts like this? Yet, at the back of my mind was the thrill to help, the feeling of the adrenaline pumping through my body, as we managed to get to the room in the practice. Perhaps I should talk about this with Helen. On second thoughts perhaps it would just worry her. I wonder what the analysts will find and how it will affect me and the rest of the kids at school.
"Penny for your thoughts," prompted Helen.
"It's nothing," I answered, putting the questions at the back of my mind. "Just wondering what school will bring when we go home tomorrow."
Will David reappear now the school trip is over?
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 18
For the first time since coming to France, it was a dank day. The temperature had plummeted and the wind was driving the rain against the coach windows. I was glad that I wasn't going to the park today. In fact the weather closely matched the mood of those on the coach; we were upset that we were going home. It had only been a short break and we had bonded well together. Would things be as good, back at school? This might have been my first holiday, but I soon got used to the freedom and relaxation. Oh, how I wish it had been longer.
It was obvious that some results were in from the previous night's escapade. Mr Hobson had positioned himself at the back of the coach, with the nearest person four rows away. When he wasn't using the PDA as a phone, he was looking at things and tapping away. It was about an hour into the journey, when my PDA pinged. I looked and saw a message from Mr Hobson.
"Julia is busy, so I need you to activate a secure connection, for my PDA only, between Hayfield Hall and another network. There should already be a connection defined to link to Marshallville, but the link hasn't been used in a while so it needs reconfiguring to be ultra secure and our end secured too, so that only specified people or devices can enter. They will be expecting the link to be established, so once it is configured you must not try to enter or you could cause issues. I have a special security tag. Do you think you'll be able to do it within the next hour?"
"Did Mr Hobson really understand what was involved?" I thought to myself. First off, I wasn't sure which server contained the interlinks, though I had a pretty good idea. Secondly, I probably didn't have access. Thirdly, the screens were taking forever to refresh, as everyone else was using their PDA's back to the school, putting a strain on the limited bandwidth. I put together a note to Mr Hobson, outlining the issues.
Ten minutes later came a message from Julia informing me which server I needed to work on and that I should already have access. I was also to cut the bandwidth of all the students PDA's and assign the spare capacity to myself. All the teachers had a separate channel, so they wouldn't be affected.
"Can I have your attention for a moment," said Mr Hobson, making his way towards the middle of the coach. "For the next hour all PDA bandwidth will be halved while an urgent task is performed. Normal service will be resumed as quickly as possible. Voice will therefore be unavailable and the live game feed will be very slow, but the text service will still be usable."
There were slight mutterings as Mr Hobson made his way to the back of the coach. It wasn't a very popular move and I knew I better get a move on. I was glad that the others didn't know it was me who was benefiting from their loss of bandwidth. With twenty times the bandwidth, the screens were soon appearing.
Helen, who was sat next to me, put down her PDA and asked, "Can I do anything to help?"
"Yes," I replied quietly. "Make sure nobody else finds out."
It didn't take long to find the interconnection but it looked like it hadn't been used for a while. I applied the latest security settings, which we had used for the fieldtrip and activated the link. It only took twenty-six minutes so I upgraded the other fifteen interlinks. Once I knew how to do one, the rest only took about ten minutes. Before disconnecting, I reviewed the link marked Marshallville and noticed that there was a steady stream of download traffic with almost no upload. I thought about looking what was being downloaded, but after a few moments thought, I decided that I'd been in enough trouble already this week.
I sent a message to Mr Hobson saying that full bandwidth could be restored early, if he didn't need it for anything else. The message back surprised me, "Why don't you inform years one and two yourself. I'm sure they will be pleased."
I hated being in the limelight. Till recently, I used to hide in my bedroom. Since joining the school, I've been made to play in front of huge audiences and chat with people I didn't know; so why was I so scared of making an announcement to seventeen other students?
Taking a deep breath, I stood up and said. "I've got some good news. Slightly ahead of schedule, your bandwidth is restored." I dramatically clicked on an icon and there was a loud applause. Mr Hobson had taken the flack for the bandwidth being taken, but let me have the glory of it being restored. What a nice man.
No sooner than I'd sat down, than I got a message from Stacy. "Your announcement was carried into this coach; nicely spoken."
Helen, who was looking over my shoulder, gave a small giggle as I tapped a response, "What do you mean?"
"Julia got Mr Hobson to relay your voice onto our coach. It came out of the speakers. Your popularity rating has just hit the roof."
Everyone was tired when we got to the school. I think sitting on the coach was more tiring than going on the rides. We all waited for the luggage to be unloaded and we each carried them to our rooms. Most of the clothes were dirty, so they were quickly pushed down the laundry chute. Our fieldtrip PDA's were all to be handed in after we'd eaten that evening. The rest of the day was for us to relax and have a nap if we wanted. I put on some music as we unloaded and I noticed that we had access to all stations, not just the French ones. I glanced at my PDA and that was again in English.
"Would you mind being Jayne till tomorrow?" pleaded Helen, as I started to look for a change of clothes. "I just don't want the holiday experience to end and you staying as Jayne will help."
I opened my mouth to protest that I'd been Jayne for weeks, but I saw the longing in Helen's eyes. How could I refuse her desire to be with Jayne for one last night? I sighed slightly as I nodded. What difference would one night make?
"First off," said Mr Hobson, before we had our meal, "I'd like to thank you all for a wonderful trip. You all behaved impeccably and played exceptionally well. This morning I had a note from the French President's office thanking us for our outstanding performance and hoped that it wouldn't be too long before we played in France again."
There was a ripple of chatter from the students, as they gossiped about such high praise. Mr Hobson let it ride, knowing how important such praise was.
"Secondly, you were so good that we will be including an extra holiday/concert. This will be something slightly different, but more on that when things are arranged. Lastly, there will be some alterations to the residential wing, which will result in minor disruption. Please follow the information that will be displayed and if somewhere is flagged as off-limits then please obey. The restrictions are there for your safety, not to annoy you. Work will start from tomorrow morning."
After the meal, we slowly went to the common room. None of us felt like doing much, but none of us wanted to be the first to admit that we were tired and just wanted to go to bed, so we just sat and chatted. As we talked, my thoughts turned to Sam's mini breakdown and wondered when Sam would tell the rest of us. Jessica didn't seem to want to let Sam out of her sight, so I'd had no chance to ask. It took Paula gently drifting off that got us all to go to bed.
Ah bed. There is nothing like your own bed, or in this case Helen's bed. As we got ready, I chose the sexiest nightie I had in the wardrobe. I wanted Helen to remember this night and hopefully it would last her many months, till I had to dress for a mix-up Monday.
I entered Helen's room without knocking, expecting her to be ready, like she normally was. This time she wasn't and was half naked.
"I'm sorry," I gulped, shutting the door.
"Jayne, you've seen me naked before," called Helen. "I was only topless. I'm dressed now, so come in."
"I'm so sorry," I said again. "I thought you would be ready." I then noticed she wasn't her chirpy self so asked, "Are you okay?
"My period just started," she said plainly.
"Oh," I responded, understanding what was physically happening to her body, but not emotionally. "You didn't seem so low last month."
"That's a bit cruel," she said with feeling.
"Sorry, I don't understand yet how it affects your emotions and feelings."
"I should be okay tomorrow," she said. "I'm also probably feeling a little down because you won't be here tomorrow."
"I'll still be here," I replied, trying not to sound hurt. "I just won't be wearing female clothes but I'll still be the same person underneath."
Helen went to sleep in my arms. I gently stroked her arm till she fell asleep. It wasn't the night I wanted her to remember. I just hoped she'd feel better in the morning.
* * *
"Good morning," I said as Helen's eyes opened.
"How long have you been awake?"
"Only half an hour," I replied. "I was enjoying watching you sleep."
"You're strange! Thank you for comforting me last night. I haven't been so badly affected by the start of my period for a long time."
"Will you be okay?"
"I'm well underway, so things should get easier."
"You weren't on your contraceptive before. Perhaps that has altered things."
"It might have," thought Helen out loud. "Later today, I'll check the information that Dr Sue gave me."
I nodded and Helen cuddled up to me. "Helen, if we don't get ready soon we might miss breakfast."
"I know," she sighed sadly. "You better go and get ready."
I didn't say anything, but slipped into my room. I removed the glued on breasts and showered. It felt strange, not having two lumps sticking out of my chest. As I walked to my wardrobe, I felt light, not having to compensate for the breast mass.
Since it was a Saturday, I put on a light pair of male trousers and a shirt. It took me a few minutes of fiddling to remember which side the buttons and holes were on. I looked in the mirror and saw that David was on the way back. I brushed my hair into something slightly more masculine. David was back. Well as back as I could make myself. I looked at my PDA and booked myself an appointment for later this morning with the hairdressers for a cut.
I knocked on the interconnecting door, not wanting to catch Helen undressed, though I don't know who was more embarrassed last night, her or me.
"Hi Ja-," started Helen. "Oh, hi David."
"You don't have to sound so enthusiastic," I complained at her obvious disappointment.
"I'm sorry," she said, trying to sound chirpier. "You have been so good about being Jayne, that in some way I was hoping you might stay as Jayne. However, I know you need to find out who you need to be and I will support you, whatever you choose."
"I've got an appointment at eleven to see the hairdresser."
"Oh. It isn't that bad, but I can see why you want to. Do you want me to go with you?"
"Thanks," I replied. "Was that from your talk with Andy?"
"A little," she acknowledged sheepishly. "He talked about your needs in a lot of detail. Stacy and Andy are a good team."
"That they are," I agreed. "I will miss them when the year ends."
We were the last into the common room, before breakfast. As we walked in there was a shocked silence. I suppose I'd spent too much time as Jayne that they'd forgotten about David. Heck, I'd been Jayne more at school than David. That was a ratio I wanted to change.
"David?" tentatively asked Emma, as if she was frightened of being wrong.
"Who else?" I queried.
"I thought you would have stayed as Jayne," said Lewis.
"David was Jayne for the trip to Paris, because of the way David was dressed when the trip was announced," said Sam, suddenly being the voice of reason. Sam then went and gave Helen and me a huge hug. "Are you okay, Helen?"
"I'm getting used to it," she answered, without saying how she really felt. "Let's get to breakfast before it gets cold. David and I have the fetching to do for three days."
During breakfast, Tracy told us, "There won't be an orchestra practice this weekend and you have all of today and some of tomorrow to yourselves."
"Some of tomorrow?" Helen asked.
"Wait and see," Tracy laughed. "It's a nice thing. Sam, the items you requested should be in your room after breakfast."
"Really?" Sam asked, sounding excited.
"Yes, it certainly took some arranging. Dan would like to see you after lunch, to make sure things are going okay. Jessica, you have one at the same time with me."
"Thank you," Sam said again. Jessica just nodded her head.
"I take it you won't be joining us for a swim?" Helen asked Sam and Jessica. Ever since Paula thought about swimming, it was something we'd all decided to do when we got home.
Home, yes I suppose the school was now home. I hadn't thought of it before, but till school finished, it was now home. I'd nowhere else to go. My parent's house was forever forbidden territory. I wonder if the others felt the same or if it was just me.
"Perhaps later," Sam replied.
"I hope you have fun," Helen replied, "and when you have sorted things out yourself, we will be there to support you. Just like you supported everyone else, including me this morning."
"Don't hold your breath," said Sam. "It might take a while for me to sort through this and I won't be telling you till Jessica is comfortable with the situation."
"If you ever want to chat, then I'm here," I offered Jessica, not having realised how badly Sam's revelation had affected her.
"Thanks, but at the moment things are okay," she replied. "I just don't understand and till I do, it will be difficult."
Swimming took a lot of courage from all the people involved, but it was probably the hardest for Lewis. Lewis was obviously not flat chested and wore a t-shirt over the compression vest. It was also obvious that Emma's breasts were all breast form. I wonder why they didn't start hormones or hormone suppressers earlier. I filed that thought for later.
I had to leave the swimming early as I had my hairdresser's appointment. As soon as I walked into the room, I was in trouble.
"Hi Jo," I greeted the young blond lady.
"Have you just been swimming and not washed your hair?" was the curt response.
"I thought I was just coming in for a cut."
"Put on this gown and sit in front of the wash basin. You won't do your hair any good with all that chlorine in it."
Helen, who'd come with me, sat in one of the salon chairs giggling at my predicament. Her laughter didn't last long, as another hairdresser instructed Helen to sit at the basin next to me. As we leaned back while our hairs were washed, we were lectured in the proper maintenance of our hair. I bet poor Helen wished she'd stayed in the pool with the others.
"So, what do you want to be done with your hair?" Jo asked, as she guided me to one of the chairs.
"The style looks a bit feminine and I was hoping you could do something with it. Perhaps a crew cut."
"It shouldn't be a problem to make your hair look more masculine. We don't need to take too much off, just cut it slightly differently so it lies in a different way."
"Why not just chop it off?" I suggested. Helen sniggered and I turned red when I realised what I'd said. I just ignored her and concentrated on Jo.
"Well, a crew cut wouldn't suit your face. Also, most students go for a style which can easily be changed. You can afford to let it grow a little without altering people's perception."
"I'm not sure."
"I tell you what. Why don't you let me style your hair and if you don't think it is masculine enough, then we'll cut more off and make it like when you first arrived."
"It's a deal."
Over the next thirty minutes my hair was cut, teased and styled. When I was eventually allowed to see myself, I had to agree that I didn't need my hair short to look masculine. Just as short hair can look feminine.
"Okay, you win," I admitted.
"I'm glad you like it. Now why don't you both run along and remember to wash your hair after swimming."
"You look more masculine than you did when you first got here," encouraged Helen, as she got out of her seat.
"I thought you would be upset," I said, as we went out of the salon.
"Why?"
"Because I look more masculine."
"No, I'm not upset. I was a bit upset this morning when David was back, but as the day has progressed I've found I haven't been."
"Oh?"
"I don't understand it myself. I think I'll have to think about it."
Helen touched my arm and I stopped. I looked across to ask why we were stopping but never got the chance. She leaned in and gave me a gentle peck on my lips. A slight smile came across her face and our lips were soon touching again for a longer, more sensuous kiss.
"Mmm," escaped Helen's lips, as she started to move off towards the year one common room.
"Mmm?" I queried as I rushed to catch up, a big grin on my face. As I caught up, I could see she had a dreamy look on her face, topping a happy smile.
"What have you two been up to?" asked Jill as we came into the room and was immediately elbowed by Anna.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You both have silly grins on your faces. Oh and that's a nice haircut."
"Do you like the hair?" I asked, trying to remove the smile from my face. "Do you think it works better?"
"It is definitely a boy's style," Jill acknowledged.
It was soon time for lunch and we made our way towards the dinning room. As we left the common room, Jessica and Sam came rushing down the stairs from their bedrooms. Sam looked very happy and I'm sure I saw Sam skip a few times.
I certainly had missed school meals. I suppose it isn't many people that would prefer school meals, but the meals here were fantastic. There was always such a choice and I always tried to go for something that I'd never eaten before. After suffering food neglect, I had years of catching up.
The next day, before the start of breakfast Mr Hobson rose and silenced everyone, "This evening we are all going to see a concert in London. You were scheduled to see this concert before the trip to France, but when the French trip was bought forward you get to go afterwards. There is a meal booked at The Royal Albert Hall at half-four with the concert starting at half-six. Since there are a lot of us, they need to know your main course choices. Before you finish breakfast, please fill in the details on your PDA's. You'll get to choose a starter and a dessert while there. Now this is a very special concert as the players aren't much older than you are. We'll be seeing the West-Eastern Divan Orchestra play at tonight's prom concert. How many of you have heard of them?"
Nobody raised their hand.
"They're an orchestra made up of players aged thirteen to twenty-six. Half are Jewish and half from Arab countries. Their aim is to show that Arabs and Jew's can mix and work together. It also affects the players, so when they go back to their country they can act as a beacon that music crosses all barriers. The players themselves take great risk in taking part in the orchestra and they are all issued Spanish diplomatic passports to aid them leaving their country. Next week they're going to play in Ramallah, which will certainly be historic. I hope that you don't go just to hear the music, but to support such a great aim."
This was one of the most passionate speeches that Mr Hobson had made. The way he spoke of the orchestra was something akin to the passion he put into the school. It was something he thought was very important and something he thought that could make a difference. I know he thought the school made a difference, not just to the students, but also to society as a whole.
"Why is he so passionate about this?" I asked Becky, today's duty psychiatrist for our year.
"I'm not sure. I know he has spoken with Daniel Barenboim a few times and is very supportive of his efforts. He even went to Edward Said's funeral when he died in 2003."
"I've heard of Daniel Barenboim, but who was Edward Said?"
"He was an American Palestinian who, with Daniel Barenboim, founded the orchestra. He was a Professor of English and Comparative Literature at Columbia University."
After lunch, we changed into smart clothes, ready for the concert. I was very excited about going to see this concert, as it was the first time that I'd ever been to see an orchestra play. Yes, this wasn't a fulltime orchestra, but they must be good to get a slot at The Proms.
"Calm down," soothed Helen as the coach set off towards London. "If you keep bouncing around like this, Rachel will give you a tranquilizer."
"You're kidding?" I asked, aghast at the thought.
"Of course I am," she giggled. "Look, it's just a bunch of teenagers and young people playing a few instruments. I bet they're no better than us. We played to the French president and I bet they don't have that tonight."
"Yeah, they just have diplomatic passports."
"And people who want to kill them for becoming friends with the enemy. When we get there, take a look at the concert guide; you'll see that they don't say who is playing the parts. That is for security reasons. I much prefer to have a low profile than be at risk."
I looked at her in disbelief. Sometimes Helen doesn't think.
"What?!" she asked when she saw my expression.
"Think what we'll be doing when we finish school," I prompted.
"Oh, I suppose," she said. "But we won't be in the public gaze."
"Yeah, no public outcry if you're caught."
"Oh, stop trying to dishearten me."
"Just being a realist."
"I know, but I feel like you, that it's something important that we can do. Not many have the skills you have."
"And your skills. We are and will always be a team. Did you come to any conclusions regarding your feelings for David over Jayne?"
"No, not yet. It's something that I'm still thinking about. I was ecstatic when you became Jayne. I loved you before, but that was something else, like everything was fitting into place. I expected that something would feel out of place when David returned, but I still feel the same."
"And you're trying to work out why?"
"Yes."
I left Helen to her thoughts. I had no idea what she was going through, as I didn't behave any different when I was dressed as Jayne. Our little chat had certainly calmed me down.
"I'm going to give out tickets now," said Mr Hobson from the front of the coach. "Please don't lose them as they are the only ones you'll get. After the concert we shall meet the coach where it drops us off. I'm telling you this now, as there won't be room in the hall. Please be on your best behaviour."
The coach pulled up outside a red round building, which I recognised as The Royal Albert Hall. On the opposite side of the busy road was a statue, the sunlight glinting off its gold paintwork.
"What's that?" I asked Becky, pointing at the statue.
"That's the Albert Memorial. Queen Victoria commissioned it when her husband died of typhoid; he was only forty-two. It had recently been refurbished so looks stunning."
"I take it that this is the same Prince Albert that The Royal Albert Hall was named after?"
"You've got it," smiled Becky. "Though it was almost ten years after his death that the hall opened."
"How do you know so much about it?" asked Helen.
"Because I've been coming to concerts here since I was little. One year I even managed to do the Last Night of the Proms."
I'd heard about how jubilant the last night was, but it wasn't something my parents were interested in, so never had seen it. Perhaps I'd get to see it on television this year. We'd been so busy on the run up to the trip that I'd forgotten the Proms were on. I wonder if they are broadcast on television. With the amount of BBC outside broadcast trucks parked outside, I presume this one will be. For this trip there were less people than when we went to Paris, just the forty-two students, Mr Hobson, the five psychiatrists and Mrs Russell.
"Can I help you?" asked the official stationed outside door eight.
"I have reservations for us all in the Elgar Room," explained Mr Hobson.
"Ah, are you Quentin Hobson?"
"Yes."
"Excellent, I believe there are forty-nine of you."
"That's correct."
"Excellent. If you go up these stairs as far as they go, you should be on the circle level. Turn right and you will see the door a little way down on your right."
The restaurant was exactly where the doorman had described. As we went in, a small smile came over my face. If I'd been taken to a restaurant of this quality a few weeks ago, I would have been out of my depth. Now, it wasn't an issue, though it was the first time I'd eaten while a harpist played gently in the background.
The tables were set out for four people. Helen and I sat with Jill and Anna, rather like we shared the same hotel room in Paris. I looked at the menu and almost choked. This wasn't going to be a cheap meal.
Mr Hobson, who was making sure we were all okay asked, "David, are you okay?"
"The prices on this menu are huge. How can the school afford to eat here?"
"Let's just say that because of two people being very alert, the school was given a reward. That reward more than covers the cost of this treat. So if you want to order the Swordfish for starters, then do so."
"How did you know?"
"Because you hadn't had it yet. You seem to want to try things at least once."
I settled down to re-examining the menu. Mmm, Smoked Swordfish for starters. I'd already ordered the duck for the main course. As I waited for the waitress, I glanced down at the desserts. Oh now, this was going to be a difficult choice.
"Hi ladies, what can I get you to drink and starters?"
I opened my mouth to say something and I got simultaneously kicked in my leg three times. When the waitress had disappeared with our orders for drinks and starters, I gave a glare at my three ex-friends.
"Why did you all have to kick me?"
"We all did?" asked Helen. The other two just nodded. "I'm sorry; I thought it would only be me. It would have embarrassed that poor waitress if you'd said something. Does it really matter?"
"Yes," I complained. "It does to me. I've just spent weeks as Jayne and even after yesterdays haircut, I still get thought of as a girl."
"I think you look like a boy," offered Jill.
"Me too," added Anna.
"I recon it was because you were with three girls," said Helen. "A thirteen year old boy wouldn't normally do that."
"Are you saying I should have sat with Lewis and Brian?"
"It might have helped people's perception, but wouldn't you have missed me?" asked Helen, fluttering her eyelashes.
"You don't have to do that to get me to change my mind," I laughed. "Okay, during the meal I'll just take it as it comes. Next time I go to a concert like this, I'm wearing a suit. I didn't think a thirteen year old would look good in a suit and nobody from anything lower than year four is."
"A suit would have made you look like you were ten."
"I know, that's what I was saying. Perhaps Brenda has some makeup tips on making a boy look older."
"You never know, but I think a boy wearing makeup might stand out."
All the tables were quiet and subdued. Only our obvious youth made us stand out to other patrons who had also made reservations. It looked like a few seemed surprised by us being allowed in, but after seeing our manners, didn't say anything else.
"What are you going to have for dessert?" asked Helen as our main course plates were taken away.
"I'm toying between the Apple and Vanilla Mousse, and the Chocolate Pudding with Grand Marnier Mascarpone," I replied.
"I'm quite full, so I'm thinking about the mousse," said Jill.
"I'm going to have the Coconut Crá¨me Caramel," said Anna.
"I thought about that, but thought it might be a bit sweet," frowned Helen, going back to ponder the menu. "Dessert is certainly the hardest to choose."
With the meal over we silently left the restaurant and into the now busy corridor beyond. I followed the others back downstairs, and quickly disappeared into the toilets as I was passing. I had my ticket so I knew where to go.
As I walked into the toilet I got some strange looks and one man mumbled about the wrong room. I just went up to the urinal and got on with business. As I was washing my hands, Brian and Lewis came in. Lewis rushed into one of the cubicles, having left things a bit late. It wasn't till I was leaving that I realised that people thought I was in the wrong toilet, I quickly left before somebody got more outspoken.
"Helen," I said, plonking myself down in the seat next to hers. "Why does everyone assume that I'm a girl?"
"What happened?" asked Helen.
"I went to the toilet and some people assumed I was a girl. I think they understood I wasn't when I stood to go, but it was very scary when I worked out what had happened. Lewis didn't get any bother."
"I bet it was scary," she said, giving me a hug. "Going to the toilet before the concert starts sounds a good idea though. I'll be back in a few."
"Probably a bit longer than that," I replied. "The queue for the ladies was out into the corridor."
While I waited, I flicked through the concert guide to read up on what was being played and more about the orchestra. I smiled to myself when I noticed that the first piece was Mozart's Sinfonia Concertante. This was the same piece that we'd played in France. It will be interesting to hear it being played by somebody else. After the interval they were playing Mahler's first symphony.
It was a good job there was plenty of time, as it was fifteen minutes before a harassed Helen slipped into her seat. She had taken the time to brush out her hair and make herself look presentable again.
"You look nice," I told her.
"Thanks. I thought I'd never get there in time," said Helen leaning close to me, so we could chat without others hearing. "Perhaps Lewis has a good idea."
"Did you notice that it wasn't Stacy that came, but Marcus? I've never seen so many male year five pupils."
"That's not fair," moaned Helen, over the announcement that no flash photography was allowed and all mobiles should be turned off.
"I don't think you'd manage that. Heck, even I nearly got into trouble."
However, the seed was planted in Helen's mind, which would keep us both busy over the coming weeks; all because of a queue in a concert. The concert itself was outstanding and the crowd showed its appreciation at the end. The encore of Nimrod from Elgar's Enigma variations didn't calm the crowd. After a short speech of the courage of every player in the orchestra a second, longer encore was played, the Prelude and Liebestod to Wagner's opera Tristan und Isolde.
As we made our way out of the hall, I saw Marcus disappear away from everyone else. Wondering what was happening, I said to Helen that I'd see her in a few minutes. Without waiting for a response, I went after Marcus.
I caught up with him near the entrance to backstage. He noticed me approach and beckoned me to quietly approach. In the background, we saw Mr Hobson chatting with someone. After a little time, he produced some papers, which he gave to Mr Hobson. Marcus gave me a prod and we quickly disappeared towards the coach.
"It was very brave playing the Wagner," Marcus said, deliberately not discussing what we'd just witnessed.
"Oh?"
"Wagner was anti-Semitic and he is banned from being played in Israel. Zubin Mehta tried to play Wagner in Israel during a 1981 concert and had the concert interrupted. Daniel Barenboim didn't think any piece should be prescribed, and played it with a German orchestra. This lead to what he'd done being referred to as 'Cultural Rape'. So to repeat it now, in a concert which is very similar to one that will be played in Ramallah, is very brave."
"Sorry, but we both had to go to the toilet," lied Marcus to Mrs Russell, as we both boarded the coach.
"Yes, Helen and Andy said that you'd been delayed. Mr Hobson is making his own way back to the school, so we'll be departing without him."
As soon as we were seated, the coach set off. Helen gave me an enquiring look and I knew that when we were in the privacy of our bedrooms, I'd have to tell her what happened.
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Helen comes up with an idea to help David find out about himself.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 19
Today was the first day back at lessons, and I was glad. I wasn't particularly pleased that I had to work, but it got away from the noise of the builders. Saturday and Sunday, they had spent the time preparing for the work, but today they started in earnest. Mr Hobson had described the work as 'alterations', but it appeared to be an extension to the sleeping area.
As we were finishing our morning ride, we came back to find the workers hard at it, digging up the area for foundations. I didn't pay much attention till Andy suddenly yelled at the top of his considerable voice, "June, what are you doing here?"
June stopped her digger, jumped over the barrier and was giving Andy and Stacy huge hugs. It looked like they were long lost friends.
"David, Helen, come here," called Stacy.
I was a bit surprised, but when asked to do something by the head girl, you did it.
"June, I'd like you to meet David and Helen," Stacy said introducing us. "June was head girl and Beta One last year."
"Ah, so you're David and Helen," June said with a warm smile. "I hear that you are causing all sorts of a ruckus."
"So if that was your position last year, what are you doing driving a mechanical digger?" I asked, knowing that if she was Beta One that her career path would be like mine.
"I'm on loan for a few weeks," June said, smiling at my direct approach. "The school is employing a team of people who know how to keep their mouths shut. Some are ex students while others are part of the schools standard builders."
"So how big is the extension you're adding?" asked Helen.
"It should double the number of bedrooms."
"Double?!" I said in shock. "But there is a whole floor of them not currently used."
"I'm not to wonder why, but to build," June replied with a smile. She obviously knew something and wasn't saying.
"Sorry, but I need a shower before breakfast," said Helen grabbing me before I could ask June questions she wouldn't answer. "It was nice meeting you."
"I don't think it will be the last time," said June, as Helen and I went to get ready, leaving Stacy and Andy to catch up with their friend.
There was no orchestra practice till Wednesday, but lessons were back to normal. We covered a lot of material in the lesson time and were given homework to read around the subject. It was in the afternoon that things were different. At the end of maths, we were told that we were progressing very quickly with the syllabus. If she thought we were ready, we would take the exam in November.
"What did you think of that?" asked Paula, when we later settled to relax in the common room. There was no need to ask what she was talking about. The exam announcement had been playing on all our minds ever since we were told.
"I know we are covering a lot of stuff in the lessons, but I never thought we would take it that soon."
That led to a discussion about when we thought we might take our first exams. If we took the maths exam in November, it would be over two years early.
"You seem quiet about it?" I said to Jessica, who hadn't really said anything.
"I'm surprised it is so early, not that we are taking them early," she said. "Don't forget that I got feedback that Wendy took exams early, so it wasn't a shock like it was for you."
"Yeah, and we were also warned in the introduction," reminded Helen.
"So what do we do?" moaned Emma. "I hate exams."
"You'll do what we all will do," I said. "Learn hard in the class, study hard and pray that the exam isn't too complex. I doubt that they would be entering us this early if they didn't think we could do it."
"Do you think we'll be doing other exams?" asked Emma.
"I wouldn't be surprised," I answered. "Why don't we ask Keith when we eat? Talking about food, shall we go through?"
We all got up and made our way to the dinning room. Tonight was the last day of our punishment and tomorrow someone else would be fetching the food. When the bell rang, Helen and I dutifully fetched the food.
"Keith," I said, as we ate. "We've been told today that we will probably be taking the maths exam in November. Do you know if we'll be taking any other exams then?"
"It wouldn't be unusual, but things are very busy with the second trip. It depends when the trip is and if it conflicts with the exams. I know they want to fit in the French exam, which is in the middle of January."
I felt like asking if there was an estimated date for the trip, but I knew it wasn't something that we would be told. Thankfully, nobody else asked. Perhaps they understood that academic things were okay to query, but the way the school ran was something different.
After ten that night, Helen and I were sat on the settee in my bedroom. We were both dressed ready for bed, so we didn't have the hassle of getting ready if things went on too late. We'd finished our homework and started to chat about the day. It was during this peaceful time, when we were cuddled together, that Helen suddenly dropped her bombshell.
"Before the trip to Paris, you and Jessica took lessons to help you pass as a girl. What were they like?"
"They were okay. They were nothing special, just lessons. Why?"
"Do you think they do lessons to help people pass better as male?"
"I suppose so," I said cautiously. If this was for me then that would be nice. Would it be so good if it was for Helen? Did she want to be a boy? "Is this for me or for you?"
"Both," she replied, pulling me closer to her. Her arms were wrapped round my body and as she tightened her grip, there was no way to break free.
"Do you want to be a boy?" I asked, trying to not let my voice break.
"Hush," she said kissing my cheek. "Of course I don't want to be a boy."
"So why do you want those lessons?"
"Well, I don't know how to act as a boy and I think it would help. Look how all the higher years can do it."
"You just want to be able to skip the queues."
Helen laughed. "Well that's not a bad reason, is it?"
"I think it would be beneficial to us on the Beta team. Hide as one sex and portray ourselves as another."
"You think?"
"Well look how effective Stacy and Andy are at it. Andy is always passable as male, but was able to switch when needed to the opposite sex. Don't you think that would be good?"
"Perhaps," I replied. "We have an appointment with Rachel tomorrow at eleven. Why don't we discuss it with her then? We won't be able to do this without her blessing."
"That's true," she said giving me another kiss.
I didn't sleep well that night. Every time I closed my eyes, I kept seeing Helen trying to be a boy on Mix-up Monday. I still couldn't see her as a boy, just a girl in boy's clothes. She said she didn't want to be a boy, but was that really the case? How important were the clothes to our relationship? I thought Helen only really loved me as Jayne, but the last few days she has shown as much love to me as David as when I was Jayne. Will that last? Perhaps she loved me as a person, or would she have recommended that I try to have boy lessons. Did I need boy lessons?
Tears started to leak out of my eyes as I tried to review my life. How, over the last few years I had to run away from everyone. How I had to exclude myself from the only person that truly cared, Helen. Oh sure, there were others that Helen was friends with that were kind, but looking back, Helen was the one that was always there for me.
I used to get ridiculed because I played an instrument. I didn't follow football and that was just another nail in my coffin. I didn't like sports and liked classical music, but did that make me a girl? No, I don't think so. So why did everyone think I acted like a girl?
I had no answer to that question, but the sleeping girl next to me had thought the same as the others. Did it matter?
"Are you okay?" asked Helen snuggling up.
"I'm fine," I said, trying to sound normal.
"I thought I'd heard you crying."
"I'm fine," I repeated, not confirming or denying that I'd been crying.
"I love you," said Helen. "I love you as David and as Jayne.
"Would you love me if I decided to stay as David for ever?"
"Yes," came the firm answer.
"What if I decided to become Jayne?"
"Of course I'd still love you. I love you for you. I'm ashamed to only realise that since Saturday. I dreaded you stopping being Jayne, but apart from the clothes, you are still the same kind and wonderful person."
"Do you mean that I still act like Jayne?"
Helen didn't say anything for a bit, but eventually she said reluctantly, "A little."
"A little?"
"Okay, you've always acted like Jayne. It was nice to see you dressed like Jayne at first, as it seemed to fit you better. However, as I've gotten to know you better, I've seen beyond the clothes. I know it's very quick, but I've known you for a few years. You've always just been you."
"So what'll happen when I look like David and act like a male?"
"You'll still be the same person," she said. "It won't change who you are inside, just the way you portray yourself. It'll give you the chance to function as David or Jayne."
"I suppose I never did well at being David at school," I acknowledged, my voice sounding hurt.
"You were a wonderful person, just as you are now. Do you think they would have offered you a chance at being on the Beta team if you weren't a nice person?"
"I suppose," I said, cheering up a bit.
It took a while for us to talk about the impact of our request, which I suppose we should have done earlier. By the time that we both settled for sleep, it was very late. I changed the alarm so that we wouldn't get up for a bike ride. There was no sleep-in though, as the sound of pneumatic drills filtered through the window.
"What time is it?" groaned Helen.
"Seven," I replied peering at the time through bleary eyes.
"I feel like I've only had a few hours sleep."
"We have only had a few hours sleep," I replied, trying not to smile. Helen didn't like having so little sleep.
The shower didn't help much and we rushed towards breakfast, having had no time to meet with the others in the common room.
"Since you didn't have to get the food, you thought you'd turn up late," teased Brian.
I was tempted to stick out my tongue, but thought better of it. Instead I went to where the cereals were and grabbed a large mug of coffee along with a bowl of cornflakes. I'd never been one for coffee or tea, but I thought it might help wake me up.
"That sounds like a great idea," said Helen, who was having a cooked breakfast and went off to get herself a mug.
"Can you wait till eleven?" asked Rachel.
"Oh yes, there isn't an emergency."
"You both look shattered," said Jill.
"We didn't get to sleep till late. We were up late talking about things."
"And?"
"We're fine, just tired. The chat we had helped."
After breakfast, as we made our way to our languages lesson, Stacy caught up with us. "Are you okay?"
"We're fine, just tired," said Helen. This was getting old, but it was nice that people cared. "How did you know?"
"I got a message from Rachel asking if I'd kept you up. Since I hadn't, I presume that you'd either been up all night, making mad passionate love, or that it was something you'd discussed till late in the night."
"Which do you think?" I asked sarcastically.
"The lack of a silly smile makes me think it wasn't the mad passionate love," she laughed. "Since you aren't with Rachel now, I take it things were sorted?"
"It took a while," Helen and I said together.
"Well, if you want a chat with another student, then you know where I am," she said. "You better rush or you'll be late."
We hurried and caught up with the others as we went into the classroom. I normally sat next to Helen, but today Jill grabbed me and dragged me into the seat next to hers. Helen ended up next to Anna.
"Huh?"
"We thought that it would help you stay awake, if somebody who wasn't so tired sat next to you."
"Thanks."
"I hear that you all did very well in France. It gave me time off to relax while you were gone. Now due to the change in arrangements, we will soon be starting to learn two languages; one in depth and one just so you have the basics. The language experts in each year will be expected to learn them both and surrounding cultures in more depth. Any questions?"
"We have a maths exam in November," said Helen. "Do we have a French one?"
"Yes you will. There will be two forty-minute exams. The first will be a listening exam and the second will be a reading exam. The exam is supposed to be on the seventeenth of January, but Mr Hobson is talking to the exam board about having the school able to sit the exam outside normal examination periods."
"Would we be ready to sit such an exam?"
"We wouldn't be entering you if we didn't think you were capable. You studied very hard and your French is more than adequate for the exam. Even your French writing, which is the weakest of your skills, will be good enough. Before the trip, you each provided me with work you did on your own. That was two pieces of coursework. Tomorrow you'll do another piece of coursework, but that must be done in the classroom."
"Tomorrow?" asked Anna.
"Well, I don't think it would be a good idea for you to do it today. I want you all to be in top condition."
"Thank you," I said at the same time as Helen.
"Today, I'm going to give you each a card with a topic. You'll have five minutes to think about it and then each of you will be asked to act out the situation as a role-play. I don't expect it to last more than a minute or two."
The cards were handed out, face down. When we were told, we looked at them and formulated what we were going to say. I'm not sure how well I did, as I felt tired.
After we had all played it out, we were told, "Well done, that is one of the situations in the Speaking exam. If that had been a real exam, you would have all got top marks."
"Is that all there is to it?"
"No, you also have to do a presentation for a few minutes and then answer questions on it. Lastly you have to discuss two topics for about six to eight minutes. We shall practice this more in future lessons."
"It doesn't sound too bad, does it?" said Anna as we made our way to our next lesson.
"No, I suppose it isn't," Sam agreed. "That role-play wasn't too bad. I suppose speaking French for a few weeks helped us."
An hour of English literature passed quickly and I was soon making my way, with Helen, to see Rachel. She was waiting for us and we were ushered to the plush maroon leather settee.
"So, did you fall asleep in lessons?" asked Rachel as she gathered up two files.
"No," we replied together and then I blushed.
"I take it you are the psychiatrist for Andy, Ingrid and Fran as well as Stacy, Helen and me?"
Rachel smiled a bit at that. "Yes, I am. I don't know the exact details of what you do, but I know enough to be able to provide counselling if required. Don't forget it was me who told you on your first night the basis of your future career. I'm the only psychiatrist that knows these details. If you told the others it would be a breach of security, even though they would keep the details to themselves."
"None of the other psychiatrists know?"
"They probably suspect something else happens, like I'm sure a lot of the students do, but they know better than to ask or try to find out. However, this isn't why you were up late talking, is it?"
Helen nudged me to explain. There was no way I was going to explain her plan. I thought it was a good idea for me to learn how to be a male better, but her idea of it being good for the Beta team was her crazy idea.
"I'll let Helen explain," I said, sitting back.
Helen glared at me and stuck out her tongue. Rachel just waited for us to sort ourselves out.
"I'll explain then," sighed Helen. "Basically, Jayne and Jessica did a course on how to portray themselves better as girls. I was wondering, do you do a course for people to portray themselves better as boys?"
"Why would you want to do that? Do you want to be male, or live as male?" asked Rachel, not answering Helen's question.
"No," said Helen.
"Are you sure?" quickly retorted Rachel, leaning closer to Helen. "Not many girls would go to all that trouble."
"No, I don’t want to be a boy," said Helen, caught off guard by Rachel's attack.
"Are you sure? You have a lot of male attributes. You seem to like David as a girl. I think you want to be the man and have David as the woman."
I opened my mouth to protest but was silenced by Rachel's glare. Why was Rachel being like this to Helen? It was as if she was deliberately goading her.
"Well Helen?" prodded Rachel, as Helen sat there, her mouth tightly gripped.
"Well what?" asked Helen crossly.
"Why didn't you tell me before you wanted to be a boy?"
Again I was about to protest but there was that glare again. Sod the glare. "I think-"
"I don't want to be a boy," shouted Helen, angrily. "I was asking for David to go on the course, so he can learn how to be a boy properly. I wanted to go on it myself, so that I can understand both sides better. It would also help me on mix-up Mondays."
"Nicely put," smiled Rachel as she sat back. "Are there any other reasons?"
"It might make things easier for extracurricular activities."
"Extracurricular activities?"
"At the concert on Sunday there was hardly a queue for the men's toilets, but the queue to the ladies was out of the door," I said, upset how Rachel had treated Helen. "Also Stacy might like the idea."
"Stacy had already talked to me about you two having male lessons," revealed Rachel. "I told her that it would wait till you two were ready and approached me on your own accord."
"Why did you treat Helen like you did?" I said angrily. "That wasn't nice."
"No it wasn't," acknowledged Rachel.
That confused me. One minute Rachel was being really nasty to Helen, the next she was back to her normal self.
"I applied a bit of pressure on you to see how you would react," explained Rachel to Helen. "You got upset, but didn't lose focus on what you set out to achieve. You didn't totally lose control of your emotions, but you did come close. Most importantly you didn't reveal anything you weren't supposed to."
"It was a test?" I asked, still feeling angry.
"To see if you needed help with other things. You have got to remember there are times to help and times to wait and see how things develop. Helen was in no danger, and I was only taunting her. Save the heroics for when they are needed."
"Yes miss," I replied feeling slightly told off.
"Hey, don't take it like that. I'm just offering you advice; if you take it or not is up to you. You both are doing very well, but you are younger than any other person has been in the roles you have. I'm just trying to bring you on a bit."
"So, can we have these lessons?" Helen asked again.
Rachel again ignored the question and asked Helen, "You seem to be getting on very well with David. A lot better than you thought you would. Is that true?"
"Yes," Helen slowly replied, trying to work out what Rachel was trying to achieve.
"There aren't any hidden traps," reassured Rachel. "This is just a chat to make sure that the situation is clear. Before David got trapped as Jayne, you said that you thought that David acted like a girl. True?"
"Yes," hesitantly replied Helen, giving me a quick glance.
"Great, now since the trip to Paris, would you say that David acts more like a girl than before, or more like a boy?"
I closed my eyes when Rachel finished asking the question. I didn't want to hear the answer, but I knew I had no choice. Why is it so important if I act like a girl or a boy? Won't the male lessons help me sort things out?
"I don't know," said Helen, trying to avoid answering the question.
"Helen, I can't help you and David if you both aren't truthful to yourselves and to me. You know how you feel, don't you."
"Okay, David acts more like a girl than he did before Paris," admitted Helen. "He's no different from Jayne in the way he acts."
"And you love him as much as you loved Jayne?"
"Yes."
"Then if he became more male, and less like Jayne, would you find it harder to love him?"
"No...yes...oh I don't know," said Helen near tears. "I just don't know. I hope I love him just as much."
Helen stopped and I pulled her into my arms. All my worst fears had been realised. I might have been dressed as David, but I was just Jayne in male clothes. I was a fake man.
"I want David to be happy," said Helen. "He wants to be more like David. It wouldn't be fair on him if I didn't try to help."
"David, would you like to be more masculine?"
"Am I really just like Jayne, but in boy clothes?"
"Do you feel different?" asked Rachel, again avoiding answering questions.
"I feel like me. I think I feel different, but Helen doesn't think I am."
"It doesn't matter what Helen thinks. If you feel you are different then you are, but is the difference enough for you?"
This is difficult. How can I say what I feel if it ruins Helen's love for me? Would Helen still love me if I was a male David? Andy told Helen to give me space to learn who I was. If I tried to be more masculine would she remember what Andy said? Was she doing this because of her chat with Andy?
"I don't know," I answered, not really knowing how I was going to say this. "I don't know what it is to be feminine or masculine. All I've ever done is be myself. Before the Paris trip, I had to have lessons to walk in heels, but any girl has to learn that; it wasn't a sign I was less feminine. I want to be David. I want to be a good husband, hopefully to Helen. Perhaps one day a father. But I don't know if I can when people keep thinking I'm a girl."
"On Sunday, why did you pretend to be a girl when the waitress referred to you all as females?"
"So she wasn't embarrassed, or cause issues to others. At first I was going to say something but I was reminded what might happen."
"Did the others force you to be Jayne?"
"No, not really. They were just trying to help me. But that wasn't the only time it happened. After the meal I went to the toilet and people there thought I was a girl, till I stood up to go. I didn't back down that time, but it made me more afraid. I was frightened that I was going to be beaten up."
"Why?" asked Rachel. "The people that go there aren't normally violent."
"I just felt very unsafe. Nobody threatened me, but I felt I was a threat to them."
"So, do you want to attend these lessons?"
"I think it would be good for us both," I replied without hesitation. "I take it, it wouldn't change who we are?"
"You mean, will it change your core personality?"
"I suppose so. Will it?"
"No, we aren't a school who brainwashes people, or forces them to be something they aren't. You will still be you. You'll just have new skills that you can use."
"So we can do it?" asked Helen getting all excited.
"I don't see any reason why you shouldn't and as you say, it should help with extracurricular activities."
"So, when do we start?"
"Calm down. I've got to arrange things. You'll need training in male grooming, deportment, speech and various other things. This isn't a two week course and you'll have to do a lot of practice in your spare time."
"Will we be ready before the next school trip?"
"If everything goes well, then I don't see why not," laughed Rachel at Helen's eagerness.
"Oh, we've missed lunch," said Helen in horror as she looked at her watch.
"Don't worry; I expected this to be a long session. If you go to your rooms, your meal will be brought to you. I'll let the others know you are okay. After you have eaten, put the trays outside your door and let the kitchen know. You're to have an hour or two of rest. You can catch up on the afternoon lessons from your friends."
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Who is going to be staying in the extension and how did David get so good with computers?
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 20
"We've got something to tell you all," said Helen, taking a deep breath.
We were all sitting in the year one common room before lunch. Earlier we had received a message from Rachel telling us that things were being arranged and it might be advisable to tell the rest of the year. I was sat next to Helen with my arm round her, when Helen announced she had news. Everyone quickly gathered round.
"We won't bite or judge," said Jessica, seeing the worried look on Helen's face.
"David and I will be starting a course soon that will help both of us learn how to be more male. So from tomorrow, I will be living as Christopher."
"I didn't think you wanted to be a boy," puzzled Lewis, breaking the shocked silence.
"I don't," smiled Helen. "I was so bad at it on Mix-up Monday that I thought it would be a good idea."
"What about you David?" asked Brian.
"I don't know who or what I am," I replied shakily, still finding it hard to talk about it.
"David didn't want to be Jayne, but has realised that he's always acted like a girl. David just wants to be happy and has never wanted to be a girl. David is doing the course to see if he can be happy, as he thinks he should be."
Emma, Jessica and Lewis all looked horrified.
"What?!" I said to all three of them.
"Nothing," Emma mumbled.
"Come on, out with it."
"It's like turning your back on who you really are," Emma replied. "It's like you're trying to live by other peoples expectations instead of being yourself."
"That's not on," suddenly burst out Jill, jumping to her feet. "David doesn't know who he is, or what he wants. Unless David tries, he'll never find happiness. He'll always wonder if he made the right choice. David needs to go with who David wants to be. You have no more right than anybody else to tell David what he should be. If David wants to try and be male, then he should. If he wants to paint his face green, stick antenna's onto his head and pretended to be an alien, then we should be asking how we can help and not to criticise."
"I'm sorry," said Emma. "You're right. I was assuming that anybody who acts like a girl would want to be a girl. You have to do what's right for you."
Jessica and Lewis mumbled their apologies. I looked shocked at Jill. It was rare for her to take a stance on something and I thought she might have had similar views to Emma, Jessica and Lewis. Anna pulled Jill onto her lap and looked proudly at her.
"What are you going to do on this course?" Lewis asked.
"We don't know the full details," said Helen. "Speech therapy, lessons in walking and acting like a man, and other items we haven't been told about yet."
After lunch we had our language lesson. We were told that the exam board, after some discussions, had agreed in principle to the request for an early exam. Today we had to do some coursework under controlled conditions. I'm certain that the way we were immersed into the French language helped. Talking, hearing and seeing French increased the speed of learning. We had to quickly learn the language, as we weren't allowed any other way to communicate.
"On Friday we will have a practice for some of the spoken French exam requirements. You had a go with role-play yesterday. I want each of you to take a card. You will be expected to talk about what's on the card for about ten minutes and then answer questions for another ten minutes. We therefore have a double period for language studies, so you'll miss English."
We all grabbed a card as we filed out and groaned when we saw the subject. Tonight was going to take some thinking. I decided I would dictate some ideas onto the PDA and see what points I could flesh out.
When it was time for orchestra practice, we all rushed to the hall. Having such a gap, without formal practice, seemed strange and we were all eager to play together. Just because there hadn't been any formal orchestra practice hadn't stopped us practicing or playing when we wanted. The music practice rooms were always booked during official break times, such as weekends and evenings.
When we were all settled, sans music, Mrs Russell said, "I'd like to thank you all for the outstanding performances in Paris. You played better than I've ever heard you play those pieces before. You made all the members of staff proud that you represent the school. Well done. Lewis is going to pass out the two pieces of music that we will play in the unscheduled trip. I'll answer any questions you might have when you have all had a look at them. We'll play Schubert's Third and Beethoven's First on the final trip.
Lewis passed the music. I was given first horn and Kevin second.
"I said it would happen," said Kevin.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, you are a better horn player than me, but I'm sure I'm far better than you on the violin."
"Since I've never tried, I'm sure your right."
I was glad that he wasn't upset. I looked at what we'd been given; The Armed Man - A Mass for Peace by Karl Jenkins and Beethoven's Ninth Symphony.
"I've never heard of the Karl Jenkins piece," I said quietly. "In fact I've never heard of Karl Jenkins. Doesn't Beethoven's Ninth have a choral movement?"
"Yes," he replied. "I wonder if the extension to the sleeping quarters is to hold a choir. Karl Jenkins is a Welsh composer who has written some ground breaking modern suites. The Armed Man, like most of his pieces, is choral."
We didn't have long to speculate, as Lewis soon had all the parts dished out. Mrs Russell quickly called us all to order.
"Any questions?" asked Mrs Russell with a smile. She knew we weren't stupid.
"I take it there will be a choir joining us," said Susan from her position as principal cellist. "Or is Mr Hobson going to be the solo tenor."
"Until the choir get's here, I will indeed be singing the solo tenor," said Mr Hobson, coming in from lurking on the sides. "Mr Yates the bass, Julia alto and Becky is doing soprano. Other teachers will be lending their weight to being the choir."
"So the building work is to house a choir?" asked Kevin.
"Yes. We have a sister school in America which have accepted our invitation to play together. That school is larger than ours, so they'll not only provide the choir, but also supplement the orchestra where needed. We need more players for the double-bass, horn, trumpet, flute and bassoon. We are an orchestral school and they are a choral school. All their pupils can sing, but some also play instruments so this allows them to have their own mini orchestra to accompany them. Once the building work is complete, they will be flying out. Any more questions?"
"Will the kitchens and dining area need extending?"
"That's a great question. There will be a new kitchen built at the back of building, which will be bigger and more modern than the current one. We'll then extend the dining room. That, I'm told, will be starting in a few weeks time and should cause little disruption."
"Okay, turn to the Beethoven. I want us to play the first four movements. That'll take nearly an hour. I don't want to stop to discuss things, but I'll shout pointers out as we go along, so please listen as well as watch. For those playing right at the beginning, I want it to be quiet and rather pensive. There is plenty of time for loud thrills later on."
I suppose there is nothing like being thrown into the deep end to learn to swim. Well this was not an easy piece to play and there were areas where it almost fell apart and it looked like Mrs Russell would have to stop. She didn't and we ploughed though the work, ending with the dramatic first few bars of the fifth movement.
"Wasn't that fun!" laughed Mrs Russell. "That was certainly a wild ride. I thought we'd fallen off the tracks at some stage, but we always seemed to find each other. We have a lot of work to do over the next few months. On Friday we'll have a look at the Karl Jenkins work. Susan, can you please have a good practice of The Benedictus. On Sunday we will have a look at the first two movements of the symphony."
What a start to orchestra practice. We finished thirty minutes early, which was good because we were all exhausted. To a listener, Beethoven's ninth seems quite easy to play, but that's because it's normally only attempted by highly competent orchestras. The music is full of intricacies and full of expression, which needs a lot of hard work. When I got to the common room I collapsed into a chair, as did all but Lewis. He just nodded in understanding, having seen what we had given.
"Lewis," Helen called, her head resting on my lap. "Could you see if you could find a recording of the Karl Jenkins piece?"
"Sure," he replied, pulling out his PDA. The rest of us didn't even have the strength or will to do that.
We'd heard about half of it when it was time for our evening meal, so we listened to the rest afterwards. By mealtime we had recovered and the food just helped to replenish our energy.
"Susan's going to have fun," I said as we finished listening to the record. "What a melody she has to portray. With feeling like in that recording, she'll really have to practice."
I pulled out my PDA and interfaced with the sound system in the room. I pulled up a list of recordings of Beethoven's Ninth, and after some thought chose a version of Herbert von Karajan conducting the Berlin Symphony. We were supposed to listen to it while we did our homework, but as it started homework soon got put to one side as we listened and compared it to our inadequate performance.
"It looks like we've got a lot of work to do," sighed Paula. "That was an excellent recording."
"We'll do it," I said with confidence I didn't really feel. "They wouldn't have given us that music to play if they didn't think we could rise to the occasion."
Silence reigned as we settled to do our homework, well we were silent, but we had some background music on that helped us concentrate, rather that disturb us. The biggest thing we'd been given was the French for discussion due Friday. After about thirty minutes we started discussing what ideas we'd come up with.
"Anna, what music did you choose?" I asked, as we prepared to go to our rooms.
"Did you like it?"
"Yeah, it was nice background music. It was sort of there, but not something that really attracted your attention."
"It was a CD called The Beyondness of Things by John Barry."
"I've never heard of him."
"He does a lot of film scores. He did Out of Africa, some of the James Bond music and Dances with Wolves."
"Nice films," I thought, thinking about my Dad's obsession with some films. It was times like this that brought them to my mind. I thought about them a lot and missed them even more, but it was never an obsession like Wendy. It didn't rule my life. I wasn't lonely and it might sound harsh, but in some ways it was a fair sacrifice for my freedom and happiness. I was happy with my family, but was never able to be happy outside the house; there was always the threat of being attacked.
The next day, while I showered, Christopher replaced Helen. Oh, Helen wasn't gone for good, but it was a moment to note. It was another step, rather like Sunday was when she got this idea. No, Helen wasn't gone; Christopher and Helen was the same person, just portraying themselves differently. Sometimes Helen held herself back from displaying her true personality. Behind the closed doors of the bedroom, she was more herself. I was just worried that when she was Christopher, she didn't hide another part of herself.
"Nice shirt," I said when Christopher came into my room.
"Do I look okay?"
"If I took a snapshot of your body, you would say boy," I tactfully replied. Christopher had remembered the compression vest and had made a big attempt. The face was still a let down and looked feminine. A trip to the hairdressers was also required for a radical restyle.
"The rest?"
"You need the speech therapy and you need to book a hair appointment," I offered.
Christopher wasn't upset and just nodded, wondering how much hair would be removed. He showed me his PDA and on it was an appointment at eleven to see the hairdresser.
"When did you make it?" I asked.
"Two days ago," he replied. I was struggling to see Helen as Christopher, but was making an effort. When Richard became Jessica it wasn't so hard, even though Jessica had just as much work to do. Perhaps it's because I'm aware of the person below the clothes. Not just the body, which I adore snuggling with, but the soul of the person. Helen might have some male personality, but it wasn't enough to make me think of her as male.
"Do you mind me doing this?" asked Christopher.
"Not at all," I truthfully replied. "Like I have to find myself, in a lot of ways so do you."
"I'm not doing this to become male."
"That might not be your intension, but others will think you are. I just want you to be happy. Make any choices for yourself, not what others expect of you."
"Do you always make the choices for yourself?" Christopher asked me.
"I suppose not," I said after a few moments thought. "Such as when we came home from Paris, you asked if I could stay as Jayne. I said yes to make you happy."
"Did it make you unhappy?"
"I was eager to be David, but I suppose on extra night didn't matter."
"I'm sorry. I'll try not to force you again."
"You didn't force me. I could have said no, but I chose not to."
The others in the year were very good and they all used male terms as soon as Christopher appeared. Lewis gave some pointers to make Christopher appear slightly less feminine, which helped a little.
Christopher was feeling very self-conscious, which Jill noticed. Jill asked, "David, I presume your parents weren't well off since you'd never went on holiday before, let alone go abroad. So how did they afford a computer?"
"It seems somebody put my name forward for a sponsorship. I think it was one of the teachers at school, but none of them ever admitted it. I had nothing in life apart from music and that just got me into more trouble. I couldn't spend my life with music, as my parents didn't like me practicing as much as I'd have liked, so the computer was brilliant. It gave me something to do when I was shut in my room, safe from life."
"I've seen you in computer lessons, you are really good and Julia often gets you to help," praised Emma. "How did you get that good?"
"The sponsorship including broadband internet access and I made a few online friends. I soon was getting tips, ideas to try and support. There was one person, who went by the handle hhb104, that over the last year, I got very good friends with. Since coming to the school, I've lost contact, as we're all excluded from chat areas like that."
"Couldn't you bypass security?"
"Yes, but then if I'm caught, I'll have lost the trust I have. I'm not going to break or bend something as serious as that. Oh, I'm not a prude and I've bent some of the school rules, just like we all have, but I'm not going to do something that might get me into that much trouble."
"Do you think they would expel you?"
"I doubt it, but why take the risk. I love this school. It has given me opportunities I never had at home and would never get. It's a safe environment where I can thrive. I could never thrive in my previous life. I now feel as this is my home."
"Yesterday I was asked how my previous school treated me," said Lewis.
"Why did they do that?"
"It seems that they broke certain rules or laws. It seems the school has contacts with people who can try to turn the school round, so if there are any other transsexuals, they get treated better. They wanted a statement from me so they could have some ammunition. They have also spoken to my parents and some other pupils."
"I've never heard of someone sticking up for transsexuals like that," said Emma in awe. "I wonder if they will do anything about my school."
"Your school might have treated you badly, but you got to attend as a girl. I never got the chance to officially be a boy at school."
After breakfast, Rachel asked that we have a chat after lessons and before our evening meal. She wanted to catch up with how things were going.
During the day, I kept a close watch over Christopher. It seems the teachers were also keeping more of an eye on Christopher and his relationship with the rest of the year. The other students were also keeping a watch and when Christopher nearly went into the girl's toilet, he was steered towards the boys.
"So David, how've you coped today," Rachel asked me that evening.
"I'm fine," I said, surprised that Rachel was asking me and not Christopher.
"You haven't been feeling any more stress?"
"No," I asked puzzled at Rachel's questions.
"Do you still want to go ahead with your extra lessons?"
"Yes," I firmly said.
"Ok," said Rachel nodding her head.
Christopher, who was sat next to me, was looking equally perplexed with the questioning. He'd expected to be the one who was under the spotlight.
"Christopher, you have seemed to make a large attempt to portray yourself as male. Visually you dressed as male, and have had your hair restyled. However, did you shave your legs this morning?"
"Of course I did."
"Boy's don't shave their legs, arms and pits," Rachel pointed out.
"Oh, I hadn't thought of that."
"You also appear to have picked up some good tips from Lewis and some other boys at the school. You just need to remember the tips you get. You'll need them if you decide to continue these lessons."
"Am I allowed to?"
"If you want to, I'm not going to stop you. Soon after you'd started at the school, you said you wanted to be in a relationship with David. You need to remember David will be impacted as you change."
"This isn't permanent."
"Oh, you might not decide to become a boy fulltime, but it will certainly impact David and others around you.
"Really?"
"Yes, really. You're in a relationship with David. Have you asked him about this?"
"We talked about it the other night."
"You've not discussed it since?"
"A little," Christopher said, suddenly beginning to sound unsure of himself.
"What about today. Have you asked him how he is coping with his girlfriend becoming his boyfriend?"
"It's just an act."
"In some ways it is, but in a lot of other ways it isn't. To be successful, you'll need to become Christopher and that'll have an impact."
"I love Helen and Christopher equally," I said, trying to defend Christopher.
"Christopher has only changed clothes and hairstyle. He hasn't tried to become the person fully yet. There have been some slight changes in personality, but nothing unexpected. I want you two to talk about this every day. You need to discuss things or you might drift apart."
"Oh," Christopher and I said together.
"Look, don't worry, but don't think this will be plain sailing. Also, David will change and that might impact Christopher. Would you mind being in a gay relationship, even if it's only a perceived gay relationship? That is just a small example. Do you still want to both go ahead?"
"Yes," we said together. I was glad that we hadn't drifted apart that much.
"Well, I want you to both go for a walk in the late summer evening. If, in the morning, you are still both adamant that you want to go ahead, then you will. One rule I need you to agree to, is that if one of you becomes uncomfortable about the other, you talk about it, and if necessary, the experiment is halted, till you can find a level you are both comfortable with."
"Can we discuss this and tell you in the morning as well?" I asked.
"Yes, I think that's a wise answer," she said. "Now run along for that walk and I expect to see you in my office thirty minutes before breakfast."
We took a stroll out into the school grounds. The sound of the workers, building the extension still sounded. If it was like other nights, they'd work till about nine. We walked straight out and into the deserted park, heading towards the sports facilities.
"How do you feel about all of this?" asked Helen, when the school disappeared, hidden from view by some trees.
"Like I told Rachel, I don't have any issues with it. I understand why you want to learn how to be a boy and after some thought I think it's a good idea. I don't feel any different being a boy or a girl and that has been implied too many times, is because I always act like a girl. I think it'll do me good to learn how to be a boy. If I don't like it then I won't do it and I'll think again."
"What if you do?"
"Then I'll have plenty of fun. I don't dislike being Jayne, I just have to get used to the fact that clothes don't affect the person I am. They don't affect the person you are either. You are dressed as a boy, but generally you are the same person you normally are."
"Generally?"
"There are a few things different. You are normally protective of me, but you are more so now. You haven't worried about your appearance and generally seem more relaxed. As a girl, you do things that are expected and some things I've noticed, you've gone to great trouble to remember to do. Since dressing as Christopher, you've been able to stop going through your reminder rituals."
"But I don't want to be a boy," said Christopher, plonking himself down on one of the benches.
"I didn't say you did. Like I said when we first started at the school, you might sometimes act a little boyish, but you have a lot of girl in you. At this school you can be who you want to be and not worry about it. It gives you the freedom to find out what truly makes you happy. So take the opportunity, just as I'm going to do, to find out who or what you want to be. There's no rush to decide now, next week or next month; we are here for four more years."
"But what happens if you stop loving me," worried Christopher.
"Stop worrying," I reassured, putting my arm around her. "Today Rachel reminded us how important it is to talk to each other. We were, but not in enough detail. If one of us has a problem with how far the other is going, then we will tell each other and we can work something out. I don't want to loose you either. I love you and I don't think I'll ever stop."
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David has a trip away, which brings back bad memories for the person he's accompanying
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 21
The pneumatic drills were better than any alarm and we were wide-awake. I looked at the clock and said, "It's about forty-five minutes before we were going to get up. If we're quick, we'll have enough time for a bike ride."
"That's not a bad idea," said Christopher. "Let's do it today as we never know what will happen tomorrow."
"Well?" asked Rachel as we sat down on the settee after our ride. We'd just had time for a quick shower before rushing to see Rachel.
"We still want to do it," confirmed Christopher. "We already chat a lot, but we will make sure that either of us is happy with what the other person's doing."
"David?"
"I agree."
"Then I will send you the details later. I will need to see you more often, once you're training gets underway. I know you are observant, so I will tell you now that I'll also be getting reports from your teachers. This is for your own protection so that I, or one of the other psychiatrists, can intervene if needed."
The smile on Christopher's face said it all. I was happy, but not ecstatic like she was. I was pleased that I might after all be the man I should have been. We hugged each other in glee, which got a cough from Rachel.
"Boys don't hug each other like that," she reminded us.
"Oh yeah," said Christopher and we gave each other a high-five.
"Oh, go and have breakfast," laughed Rachel. "You'll have a lot more to worry about than that, though it is the little things that often give a person away."
* * *
"So Christopher, are you going to tell us all what's going on?" asked Anna.
"Uh?"
"You've been like a cat sitting on a red hot roof. You can't keep still. You're also glowing."
"Well, I've been — no we've been-" started Christopher, but got all tongue-tied.
"We've been given permission to have the boy lessons," I said helping out Christopher.
"That's great news," said Paula. "When do you start?"
"We don't have the timetable yet," said Christopher, regaining his ability to speak coherently.
"If you need any more tips, then just ask," offered Lewis.
"Thanks," Christopher and I said together.
"I doubt anything will start today," I said. "Don't forget we have that practice for French speaking exam."
"Don't remind me," said Emma, shuddering at the thought.
"I thought we'd all come up with good ideas of what to say for each of our subjects," reassured Christopher. "We'll all do well."
Becky sat there, having finished her breakfast watching the conversation unfold. She wasn't saying anything, but I'm sure that the conversations would be discussed when all five of the psychiatrists had their morning meeting. I'd never been officially told they had daily meetings, or had ever seen them all together, but they each knew too much about the students for them not to.
Just as we were leaving the dining room, Julia came up to me and asked, "David, do you have anything planned for tomorrow?"
"No," I said, looking at my PDA. "I'm expecting some extra lessons, but Rachel hasn't notified me or Christopher of the dates or times."
"Excellent. Would you like to come with me tomorrow on a little excursion? I've already discussed it with Mr Hobson and Rachel and you're allowed to go. It's just up to you if you want to."
"Where are we going?"
"We're going to visit a company that provided some of the latest equipment in the school. We'd have to leave early and we'll be away for the whole day, possibly getting back after curfew."
"Can Christopher come?"
"I'm afraid not. I'm sorry to say that Christopher doesn't pass well enough. Even though you were born male, you will struggle after the habits you've gotten into."
"I've been told I didn't do well even before that," I said gravely. "I take it the company we are visiting doesn't know that the school has transsexual children."
"No, they just think it's a school with a different teaching method, to help children where other schools couldn't help. This is the same information that the children that take the tests are told."
"Yeah, that's what we were told. As long as Christopher doesn't mind, then I'll go. He's just starting to live as Christopher and I don't want to cause issues."
"Let me know by lunch."
"Yes, miss."
"What was that about?" Christopher asked as I caught up with him.
"Julia wants me to go on a trip with her tomorrow, but just me. It's to do with the school computer equipment. I'd be gone the whole day."
"I hope you said yes."
"I wanted to see how you felt first, since you wouldn't be coming with me."
"I'd be bored discussing computers and technical details all day. I'll have plenty to do all day."
"Are you sure?"
"Duh! I wouldn't have said so if I didn't mean it. We're always truthful with each other. Now send Julia a message agreeing to it before the lesson starts."
Was it lying because I didn't mention the reason Christopher couldn't go? Perhaps, but it was something Christopher already knew and didn't need rubbed in his face. As time went on there wouldn't be so much doubt for me, and hopefully Christopher will become passable. This is the second time that being Christopher has caused us to be apart.
I just managed to send the acceptance before the French lesson was brought to order. "For these practice discussions, would you like to do them in private, like the real exam, or would you like to do them in front of the class so we can learn how we each do it?"
The room then erupted in chatter as we discussed what we wanted.
"Perhaps that wasn't a good idea. Okay, let's have a show of hands. All those in favour of doing the discussions in front of the class please raise your hand."
We all raised our hands. I was nervous about it, but knew we would get the most out of it.
"Okay, I'm going to call you one by one. Once you have finished, I'll give a score to you privately and we can discuss it as a group. All I ask is that you be quiet during the test and you be constructive in the discussions."
There was a bowl on the teacher's desk with folded bits of paper in them. One was drawn and the test started. It took a while to go through all of us, but eventually we were finished. I was surprised when I was told my result; having got a score I'd never have thought possible. The surprise at the result was only passed by the surprise at how simple the French was that the questioning was done in.
"Well done all of you. You have all done extremely well and you all passed. In fact you all got the same result."
"Is the French used to question us really going to be that simple?" asked Lewis, echoing my thoughts.
"Yes, this is GCSE French. You have been engulfed in French for several weeks, and then lived in France for a week where you were able to travel without difficulty. However, I don't want you to slow down in your studies for the exam. You don't want to make silly mistakes which will grade you down."
This was the first evidence that the school did have a special teaching method. Or was it that the children that had been chosen, not only were transgendered, but also were very clever. So, perhaps that might be too difficult to say if we would have been able to excel at our old schools, if we'd not had pressure to fail.
Life didn't get any quieter. After the lesson, my PDA beeped and I wondered if it was one of the appointments to be a boy. I should have realised it wasn't, as Christopher's didn't register an appointment. It was from the vicar, wanting to meet with me before the Sunday service.
"I wonder what that's about?" pondered Christopher, when I showed him the appointment.
"I'm not sure," I replied, as I tapped away a response. "I'll ask."
The response was not that revealing, just to discuss how I was finding church. I'd been every Sunday since joining the school, apart from the time I was in France. Oh well, I'd find out the details in two days time.
The day slipped by, orchestra practice came and went without excitement, apart from the builders stopping their work so we could actually hear ourselves. Well that's what I thought, but it seems that the ground had been levelled and the base plumbing had been done.
On the Saturday the builders didn't wake us up, but the beep of my PDA. I groaned as I rubbed my eyes. It wasn't as light as it should have been.
"What's going on?" mumbled Christopher.
"Let me look," I said, grabbing the offending PDA.
'Rise and shine. I said today was a long day. Please leave your PDA in your room. See you in the entrance lobby in thirty minutes.' was the message, beaming out with unwanted happiness.
"I don't believe this," I groaned, letting my head flop back onto the pillow.
"What's going on?" demanded Christopher, now slightly more awake and a lot more upset at being disturbed. He'd obviously seen the time and wasn't happy.
"Seems I'm meeting Julia in thirty minutes for our trip out."
"Then get up and let me go back to sleep," said Christopher firmly, pushing me out of bed.
"Typical bloke," I retorted as I stumbled to my feet.
It was a good thing we'd slept in Christopher's room last night. I was able to get ready without disturbing him. Since I was going somewhere, I decided it might be a good idea to wear something smarter; not that there were any scruffy clothes in the wardrobe. I found a suit, which I tried on and quickly took it off; it wasn't something I liked the look of and it didn't feel right. Not having much time left, I found what I thought was acceptable and when I saw the image in the mirror and gave a small smile of satisfaction.
Before leaving, I went back to see Christopher, who was struggling to keep awake. I leaned across the bed and gave a goodbye kiss. Today would be the longest period of time that I'd been away from my darling and although I felt excited, I would rather have had Christopher with me.
"Hi David," greeted a rather chirpy Julia, as I walked into the entrance lobby. "You look very smart; excellent."
"Hi," I muttered, still not fully awake. The shower didn't seem to have helped too much. "Aren't we having breakfast?"
"Yes, but not here. We'll get some on the way."
"Yes, Ms Toms."
A small smile came on her face. "Well done. I'm afraid we will need to be formal today. You are young and it will be interesting when they realise you are so skilled for your age. Did you leave your PDA in your room?"
"Yes."
"Good, then you will need this," said Julia passing me one of the PDAs that we used outside of the school grounds.
I followed Julia to her car and we were soon driving in the moonlight morning out of the school. Once we were out of the gates, Julia turned on a CD and I sat back and relaxed as the miles disappeared. I'd prompted a few times for information where we were going, but Julia hadn't told me, so I decided to just wait and see.
After about fifteen minutes of driving, Julia said, "You'll need this."
I switched on the reading light, and examined the maroon booklet that she'd given me.
"A passport?" I gasped. "Are we going out of the country?"
"Out of England, but not Britain," laughed Julia at the shock in my voice. "We're going to a company just outside Edinburgh. Your passport will act as the required photo id."
"But that's Scotland."
"Yes it is," agreed Julia. "Have you ever flown before?"
"No," I said, looking through the passport. As I looked in the inside back cover I noticed it was for David Grant. So it seemed I had two passports, one for Jayne and one for David. I didn't think it was possible to have more than one passport.
"I have two passports? I didn't think that was possible."
"I once had a friend who did work in Israel and Arab countries. The home office issued her with two passports, as some Arab countries wouldn't let you in if there was a stamp in your passport from Israel."
"What about my situation?"
"I would rather you didn't ask."
"Okay. Sorry for asking, I'm just a bit nervous about flying and I'm rambling a bit."
"It's okay," Julia said. "Just relax, the flight is just a short hop and I'll be with you."
That didn't help much. When we went to France and I was with Helen, I'd wanted to fly, but now I was without my love, I was a lot more nervous. I couldn't really hold Julia's hand if I was frightened. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to remind myself that people flew every day. It didn't help that I remembered Rachel saying in the interview, that she'd helped someone who'd been trapped after a plane incident.
"Wow, I didn't expect it to be this busy," I said as we walked into the airport building. "It's not even six yet."
"At an airport, even one that isn't that big, flights get started early. The first flight from here was scheduled to leave twenty minutes ago. At an airport, check-in closes forty minutes before the flight leaves. So people would have had to be here before five. In fact, since check-in opens two hours before the flight, people will have been here since before four this morning."
"You've got to be kidding?" I said, thinking how hard it was to get up this morning.
"I'm afraid not. Just think about the international flights from somewhere like Heathrow. Some people would have travelled over two hours to get to the airport. Imagine what time they'd have to get up for an early flight."
That perked me up a bit. I couldn't imagine getting up at two in the morning just to get on a flight. I suppose my getup time wasn't too bad. Since I'd never travelled by plane before, it wasn't something I'd ever thought about.
After we'd checked in and made our way through the security gate and we settled down for a nice breakfast while we waited for our flight. I munched on the rather greasy fried bread as I thought about the flight and asked, "If check-in closes forty minutes before the flight, why were we here so early?"
"Several reasons. The first is that the traffic round this area can easily get congested. If there'd been an accident, we'd never have got here on time and we'd have missed the flight. Mr Hobson would have been quite upset. A minor reason, but still good, is that breakfast wouldn't have been served at the school and then there wouldn't have been time to have it here. You can always have a doze on the plane."
"I think I'm too nervous to fall asleep."
"I suppose you will be. At least you will be ready for the next school trip, which might require us to fly."
I was tempted to ask where the next concert would be, but I thought better of it. It wouldn't go down too well, and might be a black mark against my judgment. The trip seemed to be a bigger deal than the French one, with a sister school joining in. There was still no information where this school was, but I presume they had kids like us, as Mr Hobson wouldn't expose us to outsiders, especially year one.
My stomach started churning as we walked down the corridor to the departure gate. I began to wish that I'd not had a fried breakfast, but it was too late. However, my whole attitude changed when we arrived at the gate. Each ticket had a sequence number on it, and we stood in a queue based on the sequence number. The first sixty boarded first, then the next sixty, then the rest. It was bedlam as people jockeyed to make sure they would be first in their queue. Some even tried to get into the higher queue so they could board earlier than they should.
"In all the films I've seen, the check-in assigns the seats. This is just crazy," I pointed out to Julia.
"It sure is," she laughed. "If you think this is bad, just wait till we board."
Since we were one of the first to check-in, we were in the first group to climb the steps to the plane. The cool morning air hit me as we left the terminal building to walk across the tarmac to the plane. For a summer morning, the temperature still felt cool. I was glad I was wearing trousers and not a skirt like Julia. I must admit that Julia did look very professional in her ladies suit. I on the other hand, was just wearing a light pair of trousers, a short-sleeved shirt and a light jacket.
Since it was a Saturday, there weren't as many people in suits as I presume there would be during the week. I was again laughing to myself as I saw people buzzing around. Getting just the right seat seemed so ludicrous, as there wouldn't be much difference in time for them getting off.
"Would you like a window seat?" asked Julia.
"Please," I replied. I was still nervous, but now I could see the world and experience seeing the area like I'd never seen it before.
The plane journey was uneventful. I got to see great views of the countryside when taking off and great views of Edinburgh's suburbs as we were landing. However, I was a little sad that we were too high to see anything during the journey.
"So, how did you find your first flight?" asked Julia, as we walked through the terminal building.
"It wasn't that bad," I said. "I think the chaotic way things are run took my mind off things. I know it's a cheap, no frills airline, but —"
"If we fly abroad, it won't be with such a small company. You won't be flying business class as there are too many of you, but they are certainly more organised."
"You certainly seem to know where you're going," I commented as we weaved our way through the airport and out towards the taxi area.
"I've been here twice before. Though the last time was early January this year, I was called away with an emergency after only an hour."
"Let's hope we manage the whole day," I said. As we were driven to our destination, I sat and racked my brain. Something about the beginning of the year and Julia rang a bell, but I couldn't think of the details.
After forty minutes of driving, we arrived at our destination. I was expecting a factory, but this appeared to be an old Victorian house just near the city centre.
"Is this a house?" I asked as we climbed out of the taxi.
"It probably used to be, but all these buildings are now offices. Shall we go in and see Mr Burns?"
"Okay," I acknowledged, trying to get the picture of Mr Burns from the Simpsons out of my head. I was now expecting to see a thin old man and almost laughed when I eventually saw him. He was a balding man, with a slight beer belly and a greying beard.
"Ah Julia," he said in a thick American accent. "It is good to see you again."
"And you, Monty."
"Who's this charming, er," Mr Burns's eyes flickered over me, "person with you?"
"This is David. Don't let his age fool you. He knows nearly as much about computers as me."
"It's a pleasure meeting you David," said Mr Burns offering his hand. I took it and gently shook it.
"If you both follow me, I have a meeting room with some samples of upgrades. We then can discuss your requirements. You said on the phone that you needed some additional equipment."
"Yes, but let's wait till we are in the meeting room to discuss things in peace."
We went up a flight of narrow stairs and into a room. As we sat down, Mr Burns pressed a few buttons and said, "Okay, the room is now secured and we can discuss things privately."
I tried to hide the look of surprise on my face, but it must have shown as Julia said, "They specialise in supplying top of the range computer and electrical equipment to the government, military and large companies. The discussions therefore have to secure for security reasons."
On the table in front of us, was a plate of biscuits. On the separate table, to one side, were more biscuits, a coffee pot and a teapot.
"Can I offer you some drinks?" asked Mr Burns.
"Coffee please. White, no sugar," said Julia.
"I'm fine," I said, not really into tea or coffee.
"Would you prefer an orange?" Mr Burns asked. "We have some."
"If it's not too much trouble," I replied, slightly overwhelmed by the attention we were getting.
"Let me go and get a jug of orange," he said and disappeared.
"Relax," said Julia to me. "You'll be fine. I want you to remember that we are the customer and we are about to spend a lot of money with this company. They will bend over backwards for us."
"I didn't think companies like this opened on a Saturday?"
"They will open any time you want, when they think they will get a large order."
Mr Burns came back with a jug of fresh orange juice and several glasses. As he poured some out for me, he said to Julia. "How's your family doing? When you were here in January you had to leave quickly due to an accident. Are they all okay?"
Julia's face clouded over and looked rather sad. "My spouse died in the accident. My two children are doing fine. My youngest is now in one of the top youth orchestras in Europe. My eldest has been offered a place to train as a chef in one of the country's finest kitchens."
"I'm sorry to hear about your husband," said Mr Burns, the joviality removed from his face.
"You didn't know," placated Julia.
Julia's husband? Julia had a wife who died in the accident. I presume she didn't correct Mr Burns so not to arouse suspicion. What an awful web of lies she must have to spin to cover up her past. Is she that frightened at what others might think? I suppose it's valid. I was treated badly when others thought I was different, and others in my year were not allowed to be themselves. What an awful life.
There was then an awkward silence, as the conversation dried up.
"I take it this is the new design of PDA," I said trying to get things moving again.
"Ah yes," said Mr Burns. "They are slightly quicker and have longer battery life."
Julia picked one up and balanced it in the palm of her hand, as if she was trying to measure its weight.
"This feels about the same weight as our current model?"
"About the same," agreed Mr Burns. "It might be slightly lighter, but not much."
"Last time we visited, you mentioned to June that you were working on a lighter model."
"Yes, we were. That is due out next week. It is lighter, but it won't have the new longer battery life. In fact, battery life will be roughly the same as your current model."
"What about PDA groupings? Currently we have six different groupings, one for each year and another for the teachers. At the time that was the limit to the management software."
"With the new models due out next week, we have an upgrade for the backend management software. How many extra groupings do you want?"
"An extra nine groups. The visitors have eight years and then the teachers. It would be nice if we could give secondary groups, so the teachers and years can cross group."
After messing around with the PDA's when we went to France, I had a good idea what Julia was talking about. However, I was very surprised when she said that the visitors would have eight years. If they finished at the same time, then the youngest would be ten when they started school.
"Would you like to see a sample of the new lighter PDA? I have one in the testing labs. I'm sorry but I can't take you into the labs, as there are some confidential things being developed for another customer."
"I understand," said Julia. "If you can bring it in here, that should be fine."
The rest of the day went on, very much the same. We were shown new equipment and modified items. Julia was keeping a tally and seemed very happy how things were going. I was given free rein to test the equipment and found it a pleasure. Some of the glitches that currently existed were removed.
"Ms Toms," I said after playing with the new PDA for a while. "It looks like the scan and interlink function has been removed."
"You use that?" said Mr Burns, having heard my comment.
"Well how else can we find and download to the travel version?" queried Julia. "We use that facility a lot. If it isn't there, then I'm not sure if we can upgrade to your new models."
"Let me get one of the designers in here," said Mr Burns, suddenly worried, as he could see us not wanting to upgrade our current items.
"Well done David," smiled Julia.
The issue was resolved, but it took a while. The facility was still there, but had been hidden during testing. By late afternoon the discussions had turned from technical to financial. What items would be ordered, and in what quantities. This was less interesting to me, but I stuck with it. If June had been trusted to finish off the discussions seven months ago, then I wanted to make sure I had the same level of knowledge.
By six we were finished and were climbing in a taxi. I felt knackered. I'd had a lot of fun, but there was a serious side to today. I'd helped Julia just spend a fortune and she didn't seem fazed.
"Where can I take you ladies?" asked the taxi driver.
"The airport," said Julia, not correcting him that I was a boy.
As we got closer to the airport, the gloomier Julia got. Her happy face, when we set off had never been the same since Mr Burns had reminded her about her wife. As we approached the airport, the place where she'd rushed to get a plane home, what must have been going through her mind?
"Julia," I said, knowing it was breaking the rules, but I didn't want to sound formal at a time like this. "Will you be okay?"
"Of course," she replied, trying to put on a smile.
I wasn't convinced, especially when I saw her face as we drew up outside the airport. After checking in, things weren't getting any better. I tried to engage her in small talk regarding how Beth was doing, but only got monosyllabic responses.
"I'm just going to nip to the gents," I informed Julia. "I might be a while."
"Okay," she said absent-mindedly. I wonder if she'd have said anything different if I'd told her I was going to go to the moon. I doubt it.
The gents were one of the area's I knew that Julia couldn't follow and therefore I was able to make this call without her knowing.
"Hi, Rachel, it's David."
"David, what's wrong?" she asked sounding concerned.
"How did you know something was wrong?"
"Because you wouldn't be ringing me otherwise. You also sound a bit stressed."
"The person we went to see asked how Ms Toms family was. She had to explain that her 'husband' was dead."
"Oh," said Rachel, not really saying anything. "How did that go down?"
"She was upset, but coped during the day. However, since leaving the company she is getting worse. I think she keeps reliving that day in her mind. Especially at the moment, with the wait at Edinburgh airport for the plane to go home."
"Is there any way you can distract her?" asked Rachel.
"I've tried to talk to her, but she isn't really paying attention."
"What would happen if someone tried to attack the schools computers?"
"Her PDA would inform her and she'd fix it," I said. "Are you thinking that would distract her?"
"Yes, leave it with me. I know someone that would love to help."
"I think I know who you mean," I said. "She was a student last year and was helping with the building?"
"How did you guess," laughed Rachel and then soberly said, "I'll come and pick up Julia after your plane lands. Stacy will collect you, so I can have a private chat with Julia; see if we can keep this quiet."
"Thanks Rachel. See you tonight."
After talking with Rachel, I decided that I did need the toilet so was delayed even longer. By the time I'd finished Julia was hard at work blocking an attack against the school network. Julia had fished out her laptop and hooked it over the airport public wifi network to the school.
"Are you okay, Ms Toms?" I asked seeing her working away.
"Fending off a computer attack," she said.
For the next thirty minutes Julia beavered away, her mind no longer thinking about events she could do nothing about. Instead she seemed fully alert.
"David, there's a hack attack happening. I'm fending things off, and closing certain things down. Can you double check the second firewall security to make sure there aren't any security holes exposed. I'm not sure how they've managed to get past our primary firewall. I've blocked them for now, but until then I need you to act as rear guard."
"Okay," I said whipping out my PDA. It was awkward using that, rather than a full computer, but I managed and just before boarding commenced, Julia had established how they got in and sealed it.
"How did they manage to get in?" I asked as we took our seats on the plane.
"There was a security hole found a few hours ago which they exploited. They managed to get past the primary firewall, but wouldn't have got passed the secondary one, due to them being different firewalls, using different hardware and operating systems."
"So did you patch it?"
"There isn't an official patch out yet," sighed Julia. "But I've worked around the issue, so they should be secure till we're back at school."
The flight was uneventful. Julia made sure I was okay with the takeoff, but as the flight progressed she became more brooding. As we walked from the plane to the luggage carousal, I saw the first tear fall silently down her face.
"Julia," I hissed. "We're nearly there. Can you hold it in till we're at the car?"
Julia must have heard as she wiped the moisture away and said, "Come on, let's get you back to school."
"We need to sort out the network," I said, trying to distract her mind again.
"I'll sort it," she croaked. "It's half-ten now. You'll be going to bed."
"It'll be gone eleven when I'm home," I pondered slightly out loud.
"Do you feel the school is home?"
"Yes, I suppose so. I have done since the French trip. I'll be living there fulltime for the next five years. In some respects I feel like the others at the school are family."
We walked out of customs into the main arrivals area. There waiting was Rachel and Stacy.
"Julia," said Rachel. "After a hard day spending money, I thought you would like to go for a drink. Stacy offered to take David home."
I didn't say anything, but all the pubs would be closed at this time. Julia just nodded and went with Rachel.
"Come on kiddo," said Stacy to me.
"Thanks sis," I said, giving Stacy a hug.
"Sis?"
"You're like a big sister to me."
"Thanks," said Stacy, a small lump in her throat. We walked quickly through the night air to Stacy's car. Rachel would drive Julia's back to the school.
"Did anything happen today at the school?" I asked as the car ate up the miles.
"Not really, but be warned, Christopher was pining for you this evening."
"Pining?" I said. "Not just missing?"
"I might be wrong, so don't do anything silly."
"I won't dream of it. Anyway it's against the rules."
"That is one rule that nobody at the school has ever managed to keep. Thirteen is a bit young, but you two will know when the time is right for you. As a big sister, I'd tell you to wait."
"Thanks. Now I'm very nervous."
Stacy accompanied me to the room, as it was past curfew. I opened the bedroom door and there was Helen, not Christopher, waiting for me. She was sprawled across the settee, wearing not very much.
The next morning, a very tired Christopher accompanied me to breakfast. The others in the year said nothing, but from our smiles, I'm sure they knew what had happened. Keith certainly had, as he told us both in a very grave voice, to report to Rachel after breakfast.
For more information regarding the basis of Julia's issue, read A Strange Attraction to Concrete Cows
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The consequences of breaking the school rules.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 22
"We have an appointment with Rev Trent before Church," I said lamely, trying to stifle a yawn.
Keith pressed a few buttons on his PDA and said, "Now the appointment is after church. You will see Dr Ruiz after breakfast."
The others looked on, not saying anything. It was very clear that we were in hot water.
After breakfast, with whispers of 'good luck' still ringing in our ears, we made our way slowly to Rachel's office. Before we knocked on the door, Christopher leaned across and gave me a kiss and squeezed my hand.
"Just be truthful," I suggested.
"I will," Christopher replied. "I think that’s a good idea."
"Enter," the brisk response came, after we knocked.
We entered, our hands firmly clasped together, ready to face our fate. Mr Hobson was sat next to Rachel, behind her desk.
"Please sit opposite us," said Rachel. There was no sitting in the nice comfortable settee, but we were told to sit in what looked like rather stiff chairs.
"To start with, I'd like to thank you David, for the way you handled yourself yesterday. Rachel was able to chat with Ms Toms and start more of the healing process. It seems she'd been bottling up her grief. Yesterday triggered the start of the release and once started takes a life of its own. Ms Toms will be having some time off work, so she can come to terms with her loss. Dr Ruiz will be there for her when needed, but probably more of a friend rather than a counsellor.
"Ms Toms never put me in any danger," I said, trying to defend Julia. "She became upset at times, but always made sure I was safe. Even on the way back when she was at her worst, she made sure that I wasn't upset with my plane journey. Yesterday was my first flights and Ms Toms made sure I was comfortable and calmed my nerves at every stage."
"I'm glad to hear it," said Mr Hobson. "And your praise of Ms Toms is noted. However, Ms Toms isn't in trouble; she is just being made aware that there are times where she should ask for help."
I was glad that Julia was okay and it had taken my mind off the reason we were summoned. I wasn't to escape from that for long.
"Christopher and David, on the first day at the school you were told certain school rules. One of those rules was that you had to keep your underwear on when alone. Did you break that rule?"
"Yes," I replied, my head lowered in shame.
"Oh. Did you have sex?"
"Not really."
Rachel and Mr Hobson looked at each other in a quizzical manner. I don't think I'd been very clear and they were trying to understand what I meant.
"Did you, or did you not engage in sexual intercourse?" bristled Mr Hobson.
"If you mean, did David stick his thing into me, then no, we didn't," said Christopher, gently squeezing my hand.
"I think I can handle it from here," said Rachel who had been watching us like a hawk.
"Yes, it only looks like a minor issue compared to what was estimated," agreed Mr Hobson. "Unless anything else comes up, your punishment will be a lot lighter than it would have been. I am ordering the interconnecting door sealed for two nights. Unless there is an emergency, you are not to set foot in each others rooms. Is that clear?"
"Yes Sir," we said quietly in unison.
"I am quite disappointed in you both. You are both year leaders as well as getting involved in other activities. You are expected to set an example to others in your year. I know you’re only thirteen so I'm making allowances, but please try to keep to the rules; it is less painful for us all."
"Yes Sir," we both said, feeling chastised.
Mr Hobson got up and left us both alone with Rachel who said, "Okay, now we are alone, let's discuss last night. Christopher, how far did things go?"
"We spent the night cuddling, kissing and stroking each other. I suppose we were exploring each other," replied a very red faced Christopher. I was glad Rachel had asked Christopher as I was about to explode with embarrassment. I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.
"So you got involved in some heavy petting," she said as if she heard these things every day. "Did David just kiss you on the mouth or other parts of your body?"
"Other parts," replied a mortified Christopher.
"Including your genitalia?"
"Please stop," I pleaded. "Don't we have a right to privacy?"
"Yes you do, when you don't break the rules. Now, did David kiss you on your genitalia?"
"Yes," said Christopher reluctantly. "He also licked me down there."
"Did you enjoy it?"
I couldn't believe that Rachel was asking such questions, but Christopher was obviously remembering last night as a big grin came on his face. Rachel didn’t say anything but continued to scribble notes on her pad. At no point did her expression change.
"It's approaching time for Church, which I understand you both attend. After your meeting with Rev Trent, I would like a chat with David. Christopher, while I'm chatting with David I'd like you to go and see Dr Sue.”
"Yes Miss," we both said and fled from her office as quickly as we could. I don't think I'd ever been so embarrassed.
"Are you okay?" Christopher asked me as we walked towards the chapel.
"I think so," I replied. "How could she ask such questions without batting an eyelid?"
"Must be her job. I suppose she’s trained to remain unemotional."
"Detached is the word."
"How do you know?"
"When I worked out Rachel was a psychiatrist, I read up on what they do. Very interesting subject."
"You're nuts," was all Christopher said as we slipped into the school chapel.
Jill and Anna had been to church since they'd joined the school, but none of the other year one student had. Today was an exception as they were all there.
"Are you okay?" asked Paula.
"We're fine," I answered quietly. "Rachel thought we'd had sex, so was on the warpath."
"Didn't you?" asked a surprised Brian.
"No we didn't, though we did come close. We did break one rule though, so we do have a punishment. Our interconnecting doors are sealed for two nights. Rachel has scheduled appointments for me to see her and Christopher to see Dr Sue, so we won't be around till lunch."
The vicar arrived and we all rushed to be seated. The extra pupils didn't escape the notice of the vicar who said, "We normally only get a full house at Christmas, so it's nice that we have new faces today. I hope you enjoy the service and come again."
The service was bright, cheerful and uplifting, just as it usually was. I'd not been brought up in a family that attended church and I think they would’ve been quite surprised at me attending each Sunday. In fact they'd probably be very surprised at a lot of things that I got up to at this school.
After the service the vicar always hung around the back of the church to speak with any of the children that wanted a quick chat. Christopher and I chatted with the others from our year while we waited. Gradually the students from the other years drifted away and the vicar came across.
"It’s really good to see how the students standby each other in times of need. The sense of community is something that a lot of vicars miss. I have it in bucket loads. I'm aware some of you came to support David and Christopher and might not be back. That’s fine, but remember you’re always welcome and if any of you want a private chat then I'm usually available. But that's enough of the sales pitch. You two finish up with your friends and meet me when you’re ready in my office."
"He seems really cool," remarked Emma as the vicar disappeared. "I used to go to church with my elder sister and her daughter. The vicar there used to be nice and I was always worried that it wouldn't be as nice here."
"Hey, I don't mind going with you," said Paula.
"The vicar will be pleased to have more students listening to him. Perhaps we ought to get into trouble more often," I laughed.
"Not a chance," said Christopher. "I don't want to go through that interrogation again. At least I get to see nice Dr Sue. You have to have more time being asked embarrassing questions."
"Don't remind me," I said, the smile quickly disappearing from my face. "Anyway, let's go and see what the vicar wants, so we can finish off the other stuff before lunch. I'd hate to miss my Sunday roast."
"You've been coming to the church for over a month. How are you finding it?" asked the vicar when we’d settled in his office.
"I feel very comfortable with a lot of it, but there’s a lot I don't understand. There was mention last week about the Holy Trinity."
"That's very understandable as you don’t have a lot of the background. I've been thinking about running a Youth Alpha course, which explains and discusses things like that. It's especially geared to children aged eleven to eighteen, so it will be brilliant for you."
"What about kids like me who've been going to church a lot?" Christopher asked.
"Some use it as a type of confirmation class. To make sure that confirmation is what they want."
"I'm not even baptised, let alone do confirmation classes," I laughed.
"You aren't the first person that isn’t baptised. Is it something you would like?
"Probably, but I'd like to do the course and see how I get on. It won't stop me being able to come to church, will it?"
"Of course not. I think it's wonderful that you are thinking about things so rationally. It's rare that an adult thinks things through, let alone a child. I wasn't trying to pressure you, just make sure that you were happy."
"I don't think I've ever been happier. Not just with the church, but with school and my life."
"I'm glad, but never forget your roots. They are very important in who you are. You are growing and finding your own feet, but your parents are who helped you become the person you are today. They are the ones that taught you to talk, read and gain the personality have. You are both very special children and if you need anybody to talk to, not just about religious things, then I'm here."
"Thanks," Christopher and I said together.
By the time I made my way to Rachel's office, we'd chatted with the vicar for a good half hour. As I knocked on her door my stomach gave little flips
Rachel popped her head round the door. "Can you please wait a few minutes," requested Rachel.
"Sure," I replied and she closed the door behind her.
Those five minutes felt like five hours. I stood there waiting, the butterflies in my stomach gradually getting worse. Thoughts flashed through my mind about what awful punishment she was concocting while I waited. It was just over eight minutes when the door swung open and a very happy Stacy walked out followed by Andy, who looked almost as happy.
"Your turn," she said. If her face lit up any further you would see her glow for miles.
I didn't get chance to ask her what her obvious good news was before I was being ushered into the room. This time I was offered a seat on the settee rather than the stiff chairs.
"Is Stacy okay?" I asked as I sat down.
"Oh yes, she is just very happy with what I just told her. I'm sure the reason will become obvious over the next few weeks, so no prying."
"Yes Rachel. Why did you want to see me without Christopher?"
"A good question. How are you finding it back as David?"
"It's great."
"Are you enjoying it?"
"Oh yes."
"That’s great to hear. Now about last night-"
I screwed up my eyes trying to block out the expected telling off. It didn't come. Instead she waited till I peeped out.
"I take it that Christopher-"
"It was definitely Helen and not Christopher last night."
"You are aware that they are the same person, don't you?"
"They might be the same physical person, but they do act differently."
"Okay, we'll discuss that another time. I take it that Helen tried to initiate having sex?"
"It takes two people to have sex, not one. We were pleased to see each other. Helen had been worried about me and was relieved. One thing just led to another. We didn't do it on purpose."
"I know you didn't," reassured Rachel. "But that is how unplanned pregnancies can occur."
"Oh."
"But you didn’t have sex. Why?"
"Because I nearly puked," I blurted out really not wanting to discuss it.
"So this was worse than when you were just excited?"
All I could do was nod. Just the memory of my feelings made me feel ill. From nowhere Rachel pulled out a biscuit tin, took off the lid and offered it to me. I peered inside and took a ginger biscuit.
"Just nibble it," suggested Rachel.
"Thanks. Is there something wrong with me?"
"You are just you. People react differently to all sorts of situations. Sure, this is unusual and a bit extreme, but I wouldn't worry about it as I doubt you will try to have sex again, will you?!"
"No, Dr Ruiz,” I quickly replied. Rachel didn’t look too sure though.”
"So what was Helen's reaction when you stopped?"
"She saw how ill I looked and she stopped me. She made me put back on my underwear so I couldn't see myself or do anything that would cause me issues."
"Then she begged you to continue?"
"No. I decided to do what I did. Helen had looked after me over her own fun. I just wanted to do something that would show her how grateful I was."
"The rules are there to protect you," sighed Rachel. "You are already being punished for breaking the rules, so I don't need to elaborate any further."
"Yes, miss."
"Would you like to talk about it more now, or would you like to wait till tomorrow?"
"Do I have to? I know what I did was wrong. I don’t really want to discuss it anymore."
"I'm talking about your reaction, not what happened. What you did was wrong, but I'm sure that you will break the rules again; it is very difficult to stop things like that when you have enjoyed yourselves so much."
"But it won't happen again," I pleaded, not really wanting to discuss it. “How can you say I liked it, I was nearly ill.”
“True, but you liked pleasing Helen and you saw how much she liked what you did. Can you promise me faithfully that you’ll never do it again?”
I opened my mouth but nothing came out.
"So I take that as a tomorrow then. Say at eleven?"
I just nodded, resigned in the knowledge that this was a fight I was going to lose.
"Would you prefer it to be alone, or would you like Christopher to be with you?"
"Christopher to be with me. I have no secrets from him. I'll be telling him all about our chat anyway."
"Good. I'm glad you have learnt that lesson well. So I'll see you both at eleven tomorrow."
I walked out of her room and after closing the door breathed a sigh. It hadn't been an easy session and I wasn't looking forward to tomorrow. Christopher, I noted after doing a special lookup on the PDA, was in the common room. Sunday lunch was rapidly approaching and I was glad that my chat didn't make me miss that. You'd think that nearly six weeks at the school I'd be used to the food, but not yet in my case. The thought of roast lamb made my mouth water. I was too late to chat in private with Christopher and all we could do was reassure each other that we were both okay.
Before lunch started Mr Hobson rose to his feet and said, “I’m overjoyed to announce an affirmation ceremony between Fran and Ingrid is to take place in two weeks time. If any of you know any reason why this should not happen then you have a week to let me know. Are there any open objections now?”
There was a pause where not a sound could be heard. After about ten seconds, which to the happy couple must have felt a lot longer, Mr Hobson continued, “Excellent, now if year five can do the honours.”
I sat back and watched as the eight eldest students made their way to the kitchen area and returned with flutes half full of champagne, which were quickly distributed. I saw the confused look on others in our year and realised that most didn’t understand what was happening.
“Only one member of Fran and Ingrid’s official party has so far been decided, so I ask the head bridesmaid to do the toast.”
Stacy stood with a big grin plastered over her face, “This has been the first time I’ve ever been asked to be a bridesmaid, let alone head bridesmaid, so I wish to thank both Fran and Ingrid for giving me the honour. Would everybody please stand and raise their glasses to Fran and Ingrid and hope their Search of Finding is a lot less ‘fun’ than when I did it. To Fran and Ingrid.”
“To Fran and Ingrid,” echoed the response.
“From the blank looks on a few of your faces, I’d say that a few things need explaining,” I said as we started our meal.
“You mean you understood that?” asked Jessica.
“The affirmation ceremony is where the two students commit themselves to each other. Rather like a wedding. Obviously they can’t be legally married due to age and potentially gender — I’ve no idea of Fran or Ingrid’s birth sex.”
“How did you find this out?” asked Sam.
“Do you remember when Tim and Andrea showed us round the school, well I found out they had the same surname and I asked. The Search of Finding sounds like something they have to do, rather like some of the tasks in a Hindu wedding. Perhaps Keith could explain?”
“You and Christopher never cease to amaze me,” laughed Keith who had been listening to our conversation.
“Huh?”
“The affirmation ceremony is something the school holds very dearly and is not written about anywhere. It is not something that a student would reveal unless very specifically queried about. Anyway the Search of Finding is something they will do. It is a way for them to show that the hearts and desires of there partner is more important than their own. What happens is a closely guarded secret, so anybody taking part can’t have prior knowledge and enter the task blind.”
“Is it dangerous?” asked Paula.
“Of course not. Remember one of the priorities of the school is to look after the welfare of their students. Okay, sorry David and Christopher for picking on you, but it's one of the joys of being year leaders. David, do you love Christopher?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Prove it.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but I quickly closed it. I knew my feelings of both Christopher and Helen, heck they were the same person. How could I prove it to others? Giving chocolates, flowers, kisses or cuddles were just a way of expressing feelings, but not proof. What happened last night was a physical thing and although pleasurable is just that.
“I don’t know how to. There are tokens of love, like flowers, but anybody could send flowers, they aren’t proof.”
“What about how you put your partner before yourself?” offered Anna.
“Perhaps,” nodded Keith, “but what about a soldier putting his live to save others? He is doing it as a sense of duty, not for love. Anyway, I don’t want someone killing themselves to prove love.”
“So this Search of Finding is a way to prove that they love each other?”
“No, not really, it sort of goes beyond that. By the time you're ready for such a commitment you'll know how deeply and how much you love each other. No, it is about possibly finding out something new about each other and cementing the love and commitment. I know I’m being vague, but that is deliberate because you won’t find out until it is something you do.”
As we finished lunch Sam said, “I need to take some books back to the library. I know we all planned to watch that sci-fi series that Jessica found on the system. Is there any chance we can delay thirty minutes?”
“I have some stuff to do as well,” said Emma. “Why don’t we do our own stuff and get together in thirty minutes?”
Christopher and I quickly disappeared outside and decided to walk along one of the paths away from the school. It wasn’t one of the cycle ones so we knew we wouldn’t be disturbed with anybody taking a Sunday afternoon ride.
“How did it go with Dr Sue?” I asked after filling in Christopher.
“A lot easier than it was for you. She took some blood samples to make sure that the contraceptive was working correctly, she also counselled me about having sex at our age.”
“Did she tell you off?”
“She wasn’t at all judgemental and seemed to be more worried that I was physically and mentally okay. Just like Rachel made sure that you’d not be forced, Dr Sue was the same for me.”
“Are you okay coming with me tomorrow?”
“Of course,” replied Christopher like I was asking the stupidest question in the world. “I doubt that it is going to be pleasant for you and I want to be there to comfort you if needed.”
“Perhaps we should just cancel.”
“Firstly, I doubt that Rachel would let you and secondly, I think it is something you need. You admitted yourself that it seems strange how you get sick when aroused. I think it would do you good to try and understand why. That way we can avoid making you ill.”
The rest of the day went quickly, there never seemed to be a moment to brood about the impending split. At first I thought it was just coincidence but the more I thought about it, in the little time I had to think, the more I thought differently.
“Thank you,” I said to the others as the clock approached curfew.
“For what?”
“For keeping me from going insane. I suspect that you have all been busy keeping me and Christopher entertained, so we didn’t have time to think about our forced separation.
“Your welcome,” said Jill. “I remember what it was like when I watched Anna move and I didn’t want you suffering the same. Just remember it is only two nights and the quicker you go to sleep the quicker you’ll see each other.”
We made our way slowly up the stairs and after the others had disappeared into their rooms, gave each other a long and lingering kiss before reluctantly separating for the night. This would be the first night we’d been apart since we’d got together.
Sleep didn’t come easily. In fact it didn’t come at all. At first I just lay there, thinking about how unfair the punishment was. As I closed my eyes, knowing that the next day was lessons, all I could see was visions of Helen and Christopher. I tried not to, but it was all too much and I started to cry.
After a time, I gradually got a hold of my emotions and became more aware of my surroundings. Faintly, in the distance, I heard crying and after a moment recognised it. It was Christopher. Well actually it sounded like Helen, who at the moment sounded like what I’d been going through. All the tips she’d been given on how to sound more masculine had disappeared and she was in the middle of a deep and emotional upheaval.
I tried to open the interconnecting door but it was sealed. I banged on the door and shouted, “Are you okay?” but I got no response and the crying just continued.
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David and Christopher come up with a solution to their punishment. One of the schools traditions is explained for the first time to all the year one students.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 23
Since we both slept with our PDA's beside us, I jumped on my bed and dialled my darlings PDA.
"Are you okay?" I asked. What a stupid question, of course things weren't okay, but I couldn't think of anything better to ask. Helen had gained a little control and was trying to talk like Christopher.
"I heard you crying and it set me off. I feel so guilty."
"Why?" I asked puzzled
"Because you made me so happy and now we are apart."
"I did what I did to you because I wanted to. I'm glad you enjoyed it."
"Even though we are in trouble?"
"Look, stop worrying about it. Yes, I'm lonely and I'm missing you, but at the end of the day it is only two nights. I will see you in the morning for breakfast. Now remember what Jill said to me earlier, the sooner we go to sleep the sooner we see each other."
"Can we talk a bit longer? I miss my family so much and being with you keeps me happy."
"I've known you for years, but I still don't know much about your family. Why don't you tell me about them?"
I placed the phone on the pillow next to me, laid down and we talked about our childhoods and families. Eventually exhaustion overtook me and I drifted off to sleep. I awoke to the alarm and found the PDA was still connected.
"Are you awake?" I gently asked.
"Only just," came the sweet and gentle reply of Helen.
"Voice," I reminded.
"Oops, is that better?" Christopher queried slipping back into the slightly more masculine sound. It was far from perfect, but there was a distinction.
"Yes, sorry I fell asleep last night."
"I was about to say the same. I don't remember you nodding off."
"Nor me you. How much sleep do you think we got?"
"I'm not sure, but I'm sure it wasn't enough, especially after us having little the night before."
"Let's go for a quick bike ride before breakfast as planned."
"Okay, but let's take it easy, as we'll tire easily."
As I walked out of the bedroom door, Christopher was coming out of his. I turned off my phone link as we would again be together till our last night of forced separation. The phone instantly beeped showing I'd two missed calls, both were from Rachel; Christopher had the same. Since no messages were left we ignored them and had a gentle ride. Over the last few weeks my stamina had increased and I wasn't so tired at the end.
At breakfast Dan saw our faces and asked, "A bad night?"
At first I thought he was being facetious, but when I looked up through my tired eyes, I saw his concern was genuine.
"It was probably one of the worst nights I've ever had," I replied.
"Me too," replied Christopher sadly. "I don't think it would have been so bad if David had been away, but knowing he was only in the next room just made it unbearable."
"I'll make sure that Rachel is aware, but don't expect your separation tonight to change."
Lessons during the day were difficult as I wasn't as alert as I normally was, so I set my PDA to record the teacher and would review at a later stage. 'I really do need to get a good night sleep tonight,' I thought to myself.
At eleven we went to see Rachel and it is an experience I'd sooner forget. Things started well then got a bit tortuous but I feel so embarrassed at how they ended.
"I take it that you didn't sleep well last night?" opened Rachel when we'd taken our positions on the settee.
"It was very hard," Christopher confirmed. "Knowing the person you love is just next door didn't help at all. I heard David crying and it started me off."
"It is a punishment to remind you both that sharing your bed is not an invitation to get up to inappropriate behaviour. You are both still under the age of sixteen and the school can't condone sex. However, we are also aware that it was too difficult, so I have spoken with Jill and Anna. Tonight Christopher will sleep in a sleeping bag in Anna's room and David; you will sleep in a sleeping bag in Jill's room."
"That is very kind," I said. "However, we came up with our own solution which seemed to help."
"Which was?"
"I rang Christopher and we kept the call connected. It didn't cost the school anything as it is all over the local network, but it meant we could be together emotionally even if it couldn't be physically."
"That is certainly the first time I've known somebody do that at this school," smiled Rachel. "Is that why I couldn't get hold of either of you?"
"Probably, though I thought that you have an override to interrupt any calls?"
"Like all of the psychiatrists here, I do have that ability, but it is something we only use in a dire emergency."
"How did you know that we were okay, and that we weren't going to kill ourselves?"
"Firstly you might have been upset, but neither of you seemed suicidal. Also your emotional levels were being monitored electronically and would have awoken me if things were even approaching that kind of level."
I thought about making a fuss about privacy, but I was too tired. Anyway it would have been a lie as I agreed that in situations which might be stressful things like that should happen. "We aren't monitored all the time, are we?"
"Of course not. It only happens when we worry about suicide. We didn't think you would, but we needed to see how you reacted. I'd rather be safe than sorry. You will probably be monitored tonight and then it will be turned off. I'm only monitoring your emotions. I don't have the ability to see or hear into your room. So will you both be okay in your own rooms tonight with the ability to stay in contact with each other?"
"I will," I replied. "What about you darling?"
"I'd prefer to sleep in my own bed," said Christopher, smiling when I called her darling.
"Now Christopher, how do you like living as a male?"
"It's okay I suppose. There are some good things, but I would hate to live like it all the time."
"What do you like about being Christopher over Helen?"
"I don't really know," he blurted out quickly.
"Well, have a think," prompted Rachel not accepting any unconsidered answer. "Take as much time as you need."
" I suppose I don't have to worry about acting feminine all the time. I can be a bit rougher and show frustration more. It seems more the expected thing to protect others."
"Like Jayne?"
"I suppose."
"But apart from mix-up-Monday you've never been Christopher when I've been Jayne," I added and got a glare from Rachel.
"Do you always think of me as Jayne?" I asked ignoring Rachel's looks.
"Not really."
"You do, don't you?" I pressed.
"David, that's enough," said Rachel firmly.
"Yes," he said starting to get upset.
Christopher jumped up, letting go of me and dashed towards the door taking me totally by surprise. When he grabbed hold of the handle, to fling the door open, he found it locked.
"What? Am I a prisoner now?" he asked angrily, his fists clenched as if he'd hit the first person to go near him.
"No," calmly said Rachel, still in her chair. "I won't let you go out that upset. You can either sit down and talk about it, or stay there and once you're calm I'll unlock the door."
"We've not really started boy lessons yet," I said thinking quickly as I rose from the settee. "You said before that I used to act more like a girl than a boy, so it is perfectly understandable that you think that. You might think differently when I've had the lessons."
Christopher just stood there looking at me, but he had loosened his fists a bit.
"The only difference between Jayne and David and the moment is clothes," I reassured approaching him. "I'm not upset with you and I think it is nice that you want to protect me."
"You do?"
I was now right in front of him. "Yes, I love you."
At that point Christopher crumbled and I had to virtually drag him back to the settee. I might have been biologically male, but I certainly wasn't the strongest person in the world. When we made it to the settee we were both in each other's arms, each protecting the other from the torture of truth.
"Christopher, if David can be feminine and not worry about it, why can't Helen be more masculine?" continued Rachel as if the raucous of the last few minutes hadn't happened.
"Because it would seem odd."
"Why?"
"It isn't the done thing, for a girl to protect a boy."
"Leaving to one side that you think of David as female, which would be a girl protecting a girl, why is it wrong for a girl to protect a boy."
"Because it isn't ladylike," explained Christopher, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Ladylike?"
"My mum used to say that climbing trees, stomping around and protecting others weren't very ladylike things. She said that I wouldn't be a very nice person if I wasn't ladylike and nobody would love me."
"Do I love you any less when you are like that?" I asked.
"Suppose not."
"Then why shut that out from Helen? I love it when you protect me, it make me feel all warm and wanted."
"Your boy lessons start next Monday, so I want the following to occur till then. Tomorrow and Wednesday I want to see Helen back, but with Christopher's attitude-"
"I can't," interrupted Christopher. "It wouldn't be right."
"Why not?"
"Because it would go against what my mum taught me."
"This school is about YOU finding out what YOU want and what makes YOU happy. This school is about discovery. Did your mum want you to be unhappy in life?"
"No."
"Did she encourage you to be your own person?"
"Yes."
"Then be your own person. Nobody in this school is going to mind how you act as long as it isn't dangerous to yourself or others. If you don't like it after two days then you don't have to do it again. Now, on Thursday and Friday, I'd like Christopher to be back and Jayne around. Saturday and Sunday you can be who you want to be. Is that acceptable to yourselves?"
I nodded and Christopher said, "I'll try."
"That's all I can ask," said Rachel. "If either of you have trouble with it then my door is always open."
"Yes miss."
"Now, we come on to the matter of David's issue, but before we start I need a short toilet break. You know where they are if you need them and I'll see you when we're all back."
"I don't need the toilet, do you?" I asked Christopher.
"No, so let's just stay here."
I leaned my head against the back of the settee and sleep overtook me.
As I opened my eyes, I saw Rachel sitting at her desk tapping away on her computer. I looked across and saw Christopher asleep next to me. I nudged him awake, which he did with a grunt.
"Wake up," I hissed. "Rachel's back."
"Ah, I see you're awake," Rachel grinned.
"Sorry, we must have closed our eyes for a few moments," I said as Rachel came across.
"A few hours is more like it. It's approaching three o'clock."
Christopher and I looked at each other in horror, wondering what unique punishment we'd get for falling asleep on our psychiatrists couch.
"We were asleep for nearly three and a half hours?" I spluttered.
"You were both exhausted, so I'm not surprised. I'll hold off discussions about your issue David. I don't think that you'll attempt having intercourse, so it shouldn't be an immediate problem."
"Thank you," I said feeling a bit better.
"The interconnecting door will be unsealed during breakfast tomorrow morning. I'll see you at eleven on Friday to see how things are going. If you have any issues before our meeting I expect to see you straight away. Now run along and enjoy the rest of the day."
"Yes Rachel," we said with enthusiasm as we rushed out, leaving a smiling Rachel behind.
* * *
"Jayne," said Rachel at our Friday meeting. "How did you find Christopher while she was Helen for two days?"
"Rachel," I whined. "This isn't fair."
"Life isn't always fair."
I sighed and looked at Christopher. "Just tell the truth," he said. "If I don't know then I can't learn."
"On Tuesday, Helen seemed to struggle a bit. She overcompensated at times and suppressed her emotions at others. She seemed to gradually get into the swing of things and by Wednesday she was the Helen I knew, but without seeming to suppress her emotions."
"And you Christopher? Did you enjoy back being Helen again?"
"I didn't at first as it all seemed wrong. David and a few others pointed out things and I thought I was being got at. When I realised they were just trying to help it became easier. On Wednesday I was enjoying myself."
"What about when you were back as Christopher?"
"There didn't seem to be much difference in my base behaviour. Some of the ways I present myself are different I suppose."
"You still have a lot to learn in being Christopher and sometimes you appear very much as a girl trying to be a boy, but that is what we hope to change starting next week."
"Do you think I'll make it?"
"Jessica managed to learn how to present herself as a girl, didn't she? Think how she acted the day after her suicide attempt and how she is now."
"She was like a boy in a dress at first, but now you can't really tell that she was born male."
"That's what you'll learn, but in reverse; if that's what you want."
"I think so, but more for other activities than for actual living."
"As long as you are happy with yourself it doesn't matter how you are to me," I said giving Christopher a hug.
"What about you Jayne? How do you feel back as a girl?"
"I feel fine. No real difference really, apart from it taking longer to get dressed."
"Apart from taking longer to dress, which do you feel happier being? David or Jayne?"
"I don't feel much difference between them. I seem to fit in better as Jayne, but it doesn't feel right."
"In what way?"
"I'm not sure. I was born male and would like to be one so I can provide children for Helen."
"Jayne, you haven't been thinking about yourself and what YOU want, have you?"
"How do you mean?"
"You have lived as Jayne for a while when you were in France and now over the last two days. You haven't taken that chance to look at yourself as Jayne. You have just thought of it as clothing and not looked at the inner you.
"I have."
"Really? You've tried to look at your feeling and looked to see if you could live as a girl fulltime?"
"Well not probably like that."
"I am going to arrange something, but it will take some time. In the meantime I'm authorising you both to have lessons to help you pass as male, starting Monday. In the meantime I'd like you to think about it."
"What will we be doing in these lessons?" asked Christopher.
"You will be dressed as a male for the length of the course. You will be excused from any mix-up Mondays. You'll have voice coaching, deportment lessons and behavioural lessons. This won't change the base you but give you what you need to appear male."
"Is there any news about what happened with Jessica's parents turning up in Paris?"
"I'm not sure, but it would be a good idea if you got an update from Mr Hobson. He is free at the moment so run on down to his office before lunch."
It was the first time that Christopher had been to Mr Hobson's office and it was only my second. His office was larger than any of the other offices I'd been in, but all that extra room was taken up by extra seats.
"Why don't we all sit over here?" said Mr Hobson pointing to a rather cosy area of a two seated and a single seated settee. "This is the first time that I've been able to talk to you both in private. How are you settling into the school?"
"I'm settled in fine," I answered, rather surprised that our recent punishment wasn't raised.
"It's certainly different from what I expected," answered Christopher, "but I'm finding the lessons stretching which is certainly better than my old school."
"According to Mr Yates you are doing very well in the shooting and archery. Would you be willing to start learning how to safely handle handguns while others catch up?"
I looked at Christopher who was glancing at me. We both shrugged our shoulders at each other. "That's fine"
"Great," he said. For the first time I'd noticed that he didn't have a PDA with him and wasn't making notes. I wonder if he has a good memory or the entire conversation was recorded.
"In about three months, we will have students arriving from a sister school. One of the students there is highly competent in bypassing security systems. At first they thought that she was just good at breaking into computer systems, but soon found she had access to other restricted areas. Over the next few weeks I'd like to ensure that our private systems are secure and internal tracking and access systems more tamperproof. Jayne, I'd like you to assist Ms Toms, who should be back next week. Christopher, you should assist Mr Small. Now I'm aware that next week you start your male training and that will take place in the mornings. School lessons for year one will be cancelled during those weeks so you won't fall behind. They will be doing other things, such as interpersonal skills, which you two don't seem to need as much as they do. During the afternoon there will be first-aid lessons for forty minutes and the rest of the time you can help with security checks."
"Yes Sir," Christopher and I said simultaneously.
"One last thing, the search for the person who revealed information to Wendy and Jessica's parents. The search has been conducted by three different people, using three different techniques and the culprit has yet to be found. I doubt the person or persons will be found until they do it again."
"What about why it occurred?"
"I have a feeling I know why, but if I'm correct that has even bigger implications than I'd care to think about. We shall see as things unfold, which I've no doubt they will, over the coming months. Do either of you have any questions?"
I thought about it and there was something I wanted to ask, but I decided that it might be best not to.
"Jayne, this is an open session. I'm glad you've learnt to be discreet in asking too much, but in these sessions I insist you be open. I can always refuse to answer."
"Is the school the same one you asked me to link to on the way back from France? Marshallville I think it was called."
"It is the same school, but Marshallville is where it used to be. Even though the school has moved, the interlink description has never been updated. I think you'll enjoy meeting your counterparts there and will learn a lot. I don't want to say anymore now, but I'll be giving everyone some details just before they get here."
* * *
"I'm going to need your help," said Lewis in the common room Sunday evening. We'd just eaten after orchestra practice and were lounging around discussing little of consequence.
"Oh?"
"In the concert I'm going to conduct Beethoven's ninth and I need your help."
"How?" asked Christopher. "None of us can conduct."
"No," laughed Lewis. "I need more practice at conducting and wonder if we could practice most evenings? There is only so much I can learn by watching and conducting a recording."
"They have you conducting the whole symphony?" asked Jill incredulously.
"They said it would be a challenge, but that I should be able to succeed."
"Well it certainly will be a challenge. It is over an hour long and without the practice it will be very hard."
"I'm in," said Christopher. "It'll be good practice for me."
The others were soon joining saying they wanted to help. We had both oboes, a bassoon, flute, two violins, viola, cello and me on the horn, so we had a good cross section of the orchestra. The double basses played quite a significant part, as did the timpani. The only issue was that most were playing second desk so might not carry the theme as much.
"What about the Karl Jenkins piece, will you be conducting that?" Emma asked.
"No, apparently someone from the visiting school will be doing that."
"Well that I suppose is something of a relief."
"I suppose there's no time like now," I said before the conversation moved onto something else. "Let's move the settee's and do it now and every evening at about eight."
"I'll get some music stands while you get your instruments," suggested Lewis.
"I'll grab your oboe if you help Lewis get some stands," Anna offered to Jill.
Very quickly we were all setup and music started to swell from our instruments. We'd decided to follow a suggestion Paula made of concentrating on just one movement a night. Lewis didn't do a bad job for a beginner but he was far from ready. A conductor doesn't just stand at the front of the orchestra and wave his hands, he is the person who keeps the whole orchestra together, sets their tone and volume with subtle differences in movements. During a concert the orchestra should know what's expected, but during rehearsals it is the conductor's job to interpret the music and train the orchestra to play the music according to his wishes. With a lot of practice Lewis had been able to fake being a conductor for the 1812 overture, but this symphony was much more demanding.
Over the following weeks Lewis got better and more confidant. He started not just waving his arms to what was expected, but started to impart his own thoughts and personality into our little rehearsals, though he was reluctant to impress them onto the full orchestra and relayed them to Mrs Russell. As Lewis's confidence grew, so did the extension for the visitors.
For the last three weeks, Christopher and I had gone through the lessons on how to pass as males. It had taught us what we needed to know in more ways than we intended and it was a subject that as soon as the course finished I avoided. Well I'd managed to avoid till today when the topic reared its head during one of the regular discussion I'd been having with Rachel.
"What was the thing you most enjoyed about your three week maleness course?"
I was sat on the settee with Helen's comforting arms keeping the worst of the terror away. Even so, this wasn't one of the nicest questions to be asked. Helen had been reminded that unless she was asked a question she shouldn't interrupt or we might not be allowed to have sessions with the other present.
"Probably Fran and Ingrid affirmation ceremony. The way they broke with school tradition and had it outside on the back lawn was just something they would do."
"A very nice memory indeed," agreed Rachel showing no sign of surprise or upset at what I'd said. "So tell me what you remember about that day."
I leaned back into Helen as I pictured the special day, though I quickly changed my position after getting an 'oomph' when I'd leaned against her left breast.
"That morning at breakfast each couple drew a ball out a large tub. The balls were either marked L or R and would denote which side of the aisle we sat on. Helen drew for us and we sat on the right. At about quarter to eleven everyone was dressed in clothes that were just like I remembered from my cousins wedding a few years ago and we made our way out to where the ceremony was to be. The chairs were set out with five rows of eight chairs, four at each side all decorated with yellow balloons and flowers. At eleven the teachers, who seemed to be wearing some type of uniform, formed and honour guard at the rear of the aisle and created a roof with very long shiny swords. After Fran and Ingrid had passed through into the main aisle they sheathed their swords and took up positions surrounding us, facing outwards with their hand always on the sword. It was like they were protecting the ceremony from being stormed."
"I'm impressed that you remember so much detail," interrupted Rachel. Helen glared at Rachel who said, "Sorry, please continue."
"I'd been expecting Fran and Ingrid to be both in white, but they weren't. They were wearing silk lemon dresses with a blue sash. It was so simple, but so elegant. Then the words they said and the commitments they made were so touching and full of deep felt love. I didn't think such depth of feeling could ever exist."
"Okay, I want you to close your eyes and remember the scene. Can you remember the warmth of the sun beating down?" asked Rachel in a gentle voice.
"Oh yes, it was very warm."
"Excellent. What about smell, can you remember anything about that?"
"There was the smell of the flowers on the chairs, but more the flowers in bloom all around us."
"How do you feel seeing the ceremony?"
"It's such a wonderful thing to watch. So full of love, not just from Fran and Ingrid, but the love of all the students and teachers just made it one of the happiest days."
"Picture yourself standing there, singing one of the hymns. Describe what you are wearing."
I paused at this stage and trembled slightly as I replied, "I am standing wearing a grey morning suit. The jacket is full length with tails. In my left hand is a matching top hat."
"Continue that image, but now look to your side, who is next to you?"
"Christopher," I replied with a smile. The trembling had gone and I smiled slightly.
"What's he wearing?"
"He's wearing an outfit very similar to mine but slightly darker."
"How does Christopher look?"
"Handsome."
"Does he look like a girl in boy clothes?"
"No, he doesn't. I wouldn't be able to tell if I didn't know."
"How do you feel about Christopher?"
"I love him to bits."
"Look at yourself again and remember how you felt when you got dressed for that day. How did you feel?"
"I don't know," I answered in a week voice.
"Relax and try to remember that day. Remember the happiness of the event and the smell of the flowers."
"I dressed that way because it was expected. I didn't like the feel of the suit," I said fighting out the words. The trembles were back and the only think that stopped it being worse was Helen gently stroking my arms.
"Was it uncomfortable? Didn't it fit right?" continued Rachel, ignoring my plight.
"It fitted perfectly, but it just felt wrong. I don't understand it."
"Don't fight yourself. Look at your feelings. If you don't understand then say how you feel."
"I'm trying. It was like there was something wrong with what I was wearing but I don't know what."
"Okay," reassured Rachel. "Now look to the other side of the aisle. Who was at the same level as you on the outside?"
"That was Anna."
"You do have a good memory. Now can you remember what she was wearing?"
"She had on a green outfit that looked almost Chinese. At first I thought it was a dress but it was a long skirt and top. She'd done her hair to match the style of outfit and was wearing a small bit of makeup."
"Was she? I didn't remember seeing any on her."
"She just had a bit around her eyes, enhancing them slightly."
"You are certainly more observant than me," admitted Rachel. "So, imagine you are wearing that outfit to the wedding instead of the morning suit. How would you feel then?"
"It would just be clothes," I replied.
"Mmm," murmured Rachel as she jotted notes down. "Before you started the course you wanted to learn to be more masculine. You have picked up the knowledge but you hardly seem to use it. Why is that?"
"It didn't seem to be me. I was glad I did the course, but when I looked in the mirror I saw someone else. Does that make sense?"
"You have to be happy with yourself. I'm glad that you have started to examine who you are but I still think you block part of yourself out. But that part is for you to find when you are ready. I am not here to tell you what to do, just here to help you over the emotional hurdles. No Helen, how did you find the course?"
"It was interesting, but it isn't something I'd like to be everyday. I did it for two reasons. One to give support to David while he did it and secondly I thought it might help with certain extracurricular activities."
"You seem to have stopped blocking out your physical emotions when you are Helen. How are you finding that?"
"I'm a lot happier now. You were right, at this school I can be anything I want."
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The continuing story of life at Hayfield Hall. One of the students gets a very special birthday present and the guests arrive.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 24
"You want us to do what?" came the horrified voice across the dining room.
I don't know which I was more surprised about; someone from the year four showing emotion at a request, or the request itself. I had to admit that it certainly broke a lot of the school history, but I'm sure we wouldn't be asked to do something that he didn't think we were capable off.
"To learn two languages. Now it wouldn't be practical for everyone to learn both languages as fluently as we normally do so here is my idea. Half of you will learn one language in depth and half of you the other. Since you always seem to stick by your study partner like glue, I thought it wise for you to learn one language each so that one of you will always be able to help the other. The language you don't learn in depth you learn enough to get by. Any questions?"
"Are there any requirements who does which?" asked Andy.
"Whoever is better at languages, so that includes the year's language specialist, will learn Farsi. The other will learn Russian."
"Farsi?" asked Sam.
"That's the language of Iraq, Iran and some other countries in that region," answered Jill.
"How on earth did you know that?"
"When your parents used to quiz you on daily news topics, you tend to remember a few," sighed Jill. Poor thing missed her parents so much; her mother being dead and her father unable to get close due to being a teacher. Rachel had been giving counselling to both of them about it, but I would sometimes see Jill frustrated at the forced separation. I thought that Helen and my two nights apart were bad enough, but this had been going on for months. From the chats I'd had with Julia I knew there was a solution being planned, but everyone was being tight lipped about it.
"Do you mind if I take the Russian?" I asked Helen. "Ever since I heard a bit at the start of Hunt for Red October I thought it would be a cool language to learn."
"Which language is going to be used first?" asked Helen across the room to Mr Hobson.
"The Russian. We will be having a sister school from America join us on this trip. They've been to Russia before, so we will be relying on them for certain information such as customs and culture. When we get back there won't be much time before our final trip."
During the meal the dining room hummed with excitement. Two places the school had never been to before. Two new languages to try to learn. A different school visiting, so new friends to make.
Something was wrong in the room. Something didn't feel right. I looked around and finally spotted that Stacy wasn't there. Yesterday she hadn't been her usual self and I wondered if she hadn't been feeling very well. I decided to send a message to Andy.
As I read the response my eyes began to fill with water. I wasn't sure why, but the tears were soon trickling quickly down my face. Helen grabbed my PDA, read the message and cleared the screen so nobody else could read it. My distress was obvious to most of the school and Rachel, who was our table's psychiatrist of the day, was trying to find out what was wrong when Andy appeared. He whispered something to Helen and she quickly escorted me out. I didn't do anything to stop her and just let her guide me down corridors and eventually into the hospital.
"I'm not sick," I protested.
"You're here to chat with Stacy," said Helen pushing me towards the room which had Stacy's name on it. "I'll be outside. Now take as long as you need."
I tentatively walked through the door, unsure of why I'd got upset and why I was being encouraged to talk with Stacy. Stacy was sat up in bed reading, Enya playing in the background.
"Come on in," she said in her gentle, but firm voice. "Why don't I move over a bit and you can sit on the bed next to me."
"This doesn't look anything like a hospital room," I sniffed. "I didn't think they had double beds."
"This is the school hospital. You should know that this school is nothing like the real world."
"What happens when we leave school?"
"We have the skills and knowledge to be who we need to be without question. Do I look anything like a boy?"
"No and you'll look even less like one in a few hours," I said with a nervous giggle.
"I have enough education to get a degree and have the knowledge and confidence to go a lot higher. Everybody at this school is highly intelligent but would never have succeeded where they were. Could you have learned what you now know in your old school?"
"No, I doubt I would have."
"Then the school is meeting its educational aims as laid down by the government and they leave us alone. If they imposed somebody on the school I doubt it would be able to do none of the extra things it does, such as helping people be who they need to be or the extra items that we do."
"Er," I said dropping my voice to a whisper. I think I would have been less surprised if they proved that Father Christmas really existed. "I thought that the extra stuff we do was government controlled."
She gave a little smile, which made her eyes twinkle. "It's okay. This room is soundproof and secure. I suppose it might seem that way when you don't have the big picture. When you came in here you were very upset. What happened?"
"I was worried because you weren't at breakfast. So I sent a message to Andy. I got a message back saying ‘Today Stacy becomes Stacy'."
"And that started you crying? Why?"
"You sound just like Rachel."
"So? Was it because you were worried about me?"
"No, knowing this school you'll get the best operation in the world. I just had a strange feeling come over me. I can't explain it."
"Can't or won't?"
"What?"
"There's a big difference. Perhaps you can't explain it because you don't understand the feeling or perhaps you won't explain it because you don't like the implication."
"The implication?"
"You obviously didn't like the time you spent being masculine because as soon as the course finished you reverted back to your feminine male self. Perhaps you want to be a girl? Perhaps you would like to join me today? I'm sure the surgeon could do us both."
"I don't want to be a girl," I protested.
"Why not? It's lots of fun and you've the right attitude."
"I am me. I don't want to be a girl."
"If you say so."
"I've changed my mind, you aren't like Rachel. She lets me work things out myself. You are telling me what to do."
"No, I was asking if you wanted to be a girl. You said no and that's that. You only have to change the plumbing as you act like a girl most of the time anyway."
"I'm not that bad," I complained. "I know I'm not that masculine but I'm not that feminine."
"If you say so."
"Look, do you know why Andy sent me to see you."
"Probably because you got upset and thought it might have been you being worried about me."
"So what are they actually going to do?"
"Because the school is a bit naughty with certain things, I have been on hormones for a number of years. I basically went through a girl's puberty and the only thing male about me is what's between my legs, which I had to wait till I was eighteen to correct."
"They're going to chop it off?"
"Not quite. They will remove the testicles and the muscle of the penis. They will then invert it and use the skin as the wall lining for my vagina. Oh gosh, that sounds so wonderful MY vagina."
"So how long does that take? Half hour, an hour?"
"More like six to eight. It depends how things go."
"I didn't hear about a year five birthday. We haven't had one in year one yet, but I think there is one in a few weeks."
"There will be a late party."
"It's your birthday today?"
"Yep."
"Wow, happy birthday. I bet this is the best birthday present you've ever had?"
"Too right it is."
"So how long will you be here for?"
"In the hospital? Probably about a week. I will then be able to go to my room but I'll be very sore and tired for a few weeks. It will probably be over a month before I feel up to being more active."
Just then a nurse came in. "Stacy, we will get underway in about an hour. I just thought you'd like to know."
"Thanks Sally."
Sally then turned to me, "I'm sorry miss, but the doctors need to just check Stacy out."
"Is it okay if David stays?"
"Oh, I'm sorry David; my eyes must be playing up today."
"Sally, it isn't a problem. I don't know why people think I'm a girl, but I was born male and I don't want to change that."
"Then don't," she said with a smile. "I'll check with the doctors to see if you can stay."
"Do you mind me staying?" I asked.
"Not at all. I told Andy not to visit me till after the operation. He's just so worried it would cause me issues. I wouldn't have asked you to stay if I didn't mean it."
"I saw him keep looking at his watch during breakfast. Look, I better tell Helen that I'll be quite a while."
"You left her sat outside?"
"She pushed me in here and told me to take as long as I needed."
"Then if you're staying you better tell her you will see her later."
I left the room and saw Helen sitting patiently reading something on her PDA. "You look a bit better," she said looking up.
"I still don't know what happened. Anyway, Stacy has asked if I wanted to find out more about what she's going through so asked if I will stay for a bit. I'm not sure how long I'll be."
"I think that's a super idea," said Helen jumping up and giving me a quick kiss. "I think I'll go and practice for a little bit and play a few games with the others. I'll see you later."
I watched as Helen disappeared and I made my way back to Stacy's room. "She's gone."
"Then come and sit on the bed and let's chat."
We didn't get much time to chat as about ten minutes later a distinguished man and a young woman knocked and entered. The man looked towards me and said, "David, Sally mentioned that Stacy asked if you could stay and as long as Stacy doesn't mind then I don't have an issue."
"Stacy, my name is Tom Millard. I'll be operating on you today. My colleague here is Barbara Smith."
"Hi."
"We are going to go through with you what is going to be done to make sure you're fully aware what we'll do. As long as you're happy we will proceed. If you have any doubts then I strongly suggest that we delay your operation till you are ready."
As the procedure was explained to Stacy I sat there listening, astonished what they were going to do. I thought it was too much detail, but the doctor wanted to make sure his patient was fully informed. Knowing Rachel, she would have been through it all with Stacy anyway and there wouldn't have been any chance of Stacy lying here waiting for the operation if there was any doubt. This school did take care of its students, even though sometimes they looked a little tough at times in their discipline.
"So Stacy, are you happy for me to do the operation?"
"Please," she almost begged.
Tom gave a slight smile at the response. He knew the school wouldn't have booked Stacy in for a sex-change if there was any doubt, but he felt it was his duty to confirm. This operation was irreversible, after all.
When the doctors had left Stacy looked at me and said, "So David, what do you think of me now?"
"Very brave," I admitted absently. The details the doctor had given were astonishing and I was still trying to process the details. I'd just thought things were moved around a bit. I hadn't realised how important things like nerve endings would be. "My Uncle wanted to be a girl but couldn't get past the issues."
"It was a lot harder back then," said Stacy putting her arms around me. "There wasn't the help and it is quite likely that he'd have been locked up for being nuts."
"Really?"
"Yes. At one stage it was thought that electroconvulsive therapy was a good way of curing people."
"What's that then?"
"They pass an electric current through the brain in the hope that it will alter the chemicals in the brain and cure the patient of the issue. It was originally used on schizophrenia and then extended for other problems."
"Can they do that without their consent?"
"Not in a lot of countries, but in England they still can. The Mental Health Act says that treatment can be given immediately and without consent in certain circumstances. So if it was thought that it would help and you were in imminent danger to yourself or others you could be given ECT."
"They could do that here?"
"I really doubt the doctors here would."
"I hope not."
"Though a few thousand in England and Wales are given it involuntary each year."
"Yikes."
There was a moment of silence and I saw the anxiety on Stacy's face. "It'll be okay," I said reaching across.
"I'm sure it will be," she replied trying to smile.
"I'll be with you. I doubt I'll be allowed to be with you while you have the operation, but I will be as close as I can."
"Thanks," she said squeezing my hand.
There was a knock on the door and Sally came in, dragging in a trolley. "Stacy, it's nearly time. Can you hop out of bed and onto the trolley?"
"Can David come down with me?"
"I'll need to check if he can go as far as the recovery room, but he wouldn't be allowed into the theatre."
"Oh," said Stacy sadly.
"Let me just check if you can go into the recovery room. I'll be back in a jif."
"I'll stay here while you have your operation," I said.
"Really?"
"Yes, now stop worrying. You know this school only uses the best. Knowing them they've probably scoured the whole country, if not the world."
"He is the best," admitted Stacy. "I did a lot of research into different surgeons and the one who is going to operate is the best."
Sally returned looking rather surprised.
"I had a word with Mr Millard and you were only going to be allowed as far as the recovery room door. However, a few minutes later he got a phone call and he told me to get a surgical outfit for you so you could be with Stacy."
"Really?" asked Stacy in amazement.
"Really. Now, David if you come with me I'll get you prepared. You then can be with Stacy throughout her operation."
* * *
"Is that you David?" asked Stacy as I caught up with her trolley in the recovery room. I was now in pale green theatre clothes and a mask covered my face.
"Yep," I replied. "Who else were you expecting? I'll be with you for the operation, so you just relax."
"Thanks. How come you're so mature?"
"I think it's because I was taught so by my parents. Also the situation at school didn't give me time to be silly. In some ways it's harder to pretend to not be as clever and it certainly makes you mature."
I watched as the anaesthetist gently put Stacy to sleep and wheeled into the operating theatre. There was a seat near the anaesthetist where I could sit without causing a nuisance. I wasn't squeamish and found watching the operation fascinating. However, things didn't quite go to plan.
"I'm showing some swelling and a rash," calmly stated the anaesthetist.
"A reaction to the anaesthetic?" asked Tom Millard, not moving his eyes from the area he was working on.
"I'm not sure yet. It could be several things. Her vitals are showing distress. I'm going to inject her with the adrenalin."
"Let me know her reaction," ordered Tom Millard. "It will be about another twenty minutes before I can get to a point where we could stop the operation."
Stacy was injected with the adrenalin which was already labelled and standing by.
"Her breathing is a bit better."
"I'm showing swelling in the area we're working on," added Barbara Smith. "Latex allergy?"
"That's a possibility as she's not showing any other reaction. I have a plastic air mask available."
"Nurse, in the glove draw you should see a box marked Non Rubber. We will all need them. Barbara, when you change your gloves do it in the recovery room. The powder in these gloves could cause other issues."
When Barbara returned, she took over Tom while he changed his gloves. I was just sat there, watching in amazement and offering silent prayers for Stacy's recovery.
"Will she be okay?" I quietly asked the anaesthetist. I'd not been told his name and he hadn't volunteered it. In fact the only names I knew were the two surgeons and the nurse who'd been in Stacy's room.
"She is showing signs of recovery."
"Do we continue?" asked Tom Millard after about ten minutes.
"She is stable enough."
"Good, I'd have to tell her that she'd have to come back in a few weeks. She hated the thought of an operation."
The total operation lasted just over six hours. When she was back in her room I asked Sally, "How long will she be asleep for?"
"Probably about another hour, but I won't allow streams of visitors. She has gone though a lot."
"You mean the operation or her allergic reaction?"
"Both, but especially her allergy. If it wasn't for the quick action of the anaesthetist and Mr Millard, Stacy would no longer be with us."
"Really?" I asked shocked. "Everybody had been so calm about it, I didn't think it was life threatening."
"Panic would have just made the situation worse. Doctors are trained to act calmly during any issue."
"Can Andy come and see her?"
"And Andy is?"
"Her boyfriend."
"Then it isn't a problem."
When Andy came down his first words were, "How is she?"
"I believe her operation was a complete success."
"Thank you for being with her during the operation."
"It's my pleasure. I don't know who twisted someone's arms, but they weren't going to let me stay with her. She is one brave girl."
"That she is," he smiled.
I didn't tell Andy about her allergic reaction, as I didn't want to worry him. That was for either the nurse, Rachel or Mr Hobson. I left him alone with his love.
I thought that would be the end of the matter but just before the evening meal Mr Hobson stood up and said, "As a lot of you are probably aware, Stacy had her SRS operation this morning. However, there was a problem during the operation, as it seems she was hypersensitive to latex. Since I'm responsible for your health, I am going to ask Dr Sue to perform allergy tests on you all. If anybody has any objections then please raise them with your year leader."
"Where were you all day?" asked Jessica.
"I was with Stacy."
"What about while she was having her operation?"
"I was with Stacy," I repeated.
"I didn't think that was allowed," said Emma.
'The surgeon didn't either,' I thought to myself. However I just shrugged.
Stacy was surprised to find out about her allergic reaction, but since she'd never worn rubber gloves, condoms or generally come into contact with anything like that before it wasn't a surprise she'd not known. The allergy tests came and went with little fuss. The only one with anything close to major was Wendy finding out she had a mild reaction to chlorine. Since a previous student had the same allergy, the school pool wasn't cleaned with chlorine.
Hayfield Hall took great pride in ensuring the safety of its students, however when things went wrong they took the steps needed to make sure it didn't happen again. In future all new students would be tested for allergies. Apart from everyone's obvious concern for Stacy, life went on. Stacy healed and was soon joining everyone for meals, though it took her over a month before she was feeling totally herself.
As the weeks went by we started to become fluent in our languages. I'd hoped to learn Russian, but was told that it would be better if I learnt Farsi. I spent most of my spare time getting Helen to teach me Russian. The extension was finished and the equipment that Julia and I had purchased arrived and we had great fun installing it. I don't know how we managed it, but during the start of November we fitted in our Mathematics GCSE exams.
Since the sister school was staying for a few months, Hayfield Hall was providing clothes to save the cost and inconvenience of shipping. After the incident when Jessica tried to run away and the security warning when Jill left still wearing a pair of school panties, I'm sure there was probably other reasons, but like a lot of items I discovered I kept them to myself.
It was breakfast on Sunday December 4th that Mr Hobson announced, "At about nine, our guests shall arrive. They are from our sister school in America called Immigration Manor. I'm sure you will all do your best to make them welcome. They have travelled overnight so they will be quite tired. They will have a nap and will join us for a late lunch at about one. Other changes to the schedule will happen, so please check your PDA for updates, as they might occur with little notice. After the meal tonight they will give a short concert. Year leaders, you will be responsible for showing the American students of the same year their rooms. Since they have three younger years they will be shown their rooms by Dan, Becky and Keith. They use the letters A to H to denote the years. Year A is the youngest, year D equates to our year one, going up to year H which is the same as our year five."
During breakfast Helen and my PDA beeped signifying an update. It was a list of the American students and which rooms they would be in. As year leaders we had access to that information and would only become available to the others after their year leader had authorised it. I scanned through the names and one name stood out. Helen must have noticed it at the same time as we both smiled at each other. Oh this would be fun to see.
At just before nine the coaches pulled into the driveway. We were all stood in the front lawn with signs denoting which year we were. After a few minutes, students started piling out of the busses and making their way to their designated areas. Quite a few of the girls and a few boys which headed for the big 'Year A' sign were cradling dolls or teddies in their arms. I'd never had a doll and for some reason I felt slightly envious.
The year D students must have been at the back of one of the busses as eventually a mob of students made their way towards us. There was a sudden scream of shocked delight from Jill and Anna as the students got close and they ran like mad people towards the advancing Americans.
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The American students arrive and a happy reunion brings back old memories.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
If you haven't read A Strange Attraction to Concrete Cows it would be advisable before reading this chapter.
Part 25
I watched as Jill and Anna descended on a brunette American girl, with them all embracing like long lost friends; which I knew they were. In the distance I saw Mr Hobson and Julia watching, with the person who appeared to be the head of the American school.
"What's going on?" asked Paula, surprised at the events unfolding in front of her eyes.
"I'm sure that Jill or Anna will introduce you in a minute," I said with a big grin on my face.
The year head moved across and year D again became somewhat less than a mob and a little more organised. Jill and Anna came rushing back and joined us, but couldn't say anything through tears of happiness.
"Hi, I'm Melissa," said a weary looking blond haired girl. "I'm the year head. I take it you're David and Helen?"
"That's right. Since the weather is nice, let's do the introductions here and then we'll show you where the common room is, so you know where to meet after your naps."
"Sounds like a plan," agreed Melissa. "You looked like you expected Erika and that she knows two of yours?"
"I think its best that Jill, Anna and Erika explain," Helen said. "It would only be fair."
"That's fine with me. Do you want to introduce your year first?"
"Sure. Okay everyone from Immigration Manor. My name is Helen and the person next to me is David; together we are joint heads of year one. From the left we have Jill, Anna, Jessica, Sam, Paula, Emma, Brian and Lewis. I'll do proper introductions later when you are rested."
"There are slightly more of us," laughed Melissa. "Okay, my name is Melissa and I'm the leader of year D. In our slightly tired looking mob we have Jamie, Paul, Cassandra, Erika, Martha, Kenny, Randall, Elaine, Daphne, Phil, Wesley, Tina, Susan, Ruthanne, Michelle, Stephanie, Colleen, Monica and lastly Carolyn. It also looks that Erika already knows Jill and Anna, which is a great surprise. Would one of you three like to explain?"
"We already know most of the story," I interrupted, "And I think it might be a good idea for Erika to tell the tale to you. Jill found it very difficult when she told us, though we've only got to the start of this year."
Erika twigged what I meant as she suddenly started nodding furiously and I got a small smile of thanks for Jill. I leaned across and said quietly to Melissa, "I'd appreciate to be in this chat as it would give me a slightly different perspective to certain issues which I think we should chat about."
"Okay, why don't we meet sometime before bed? I believe you have a ten o'clock curfew like us?"
"Yes. Are you ready to be shown the school?"
"Oh yes, that's a good idea," agreed Melissa to me and then loudly pointing to me said, "Okay year D, let's follow Helen into the school."
"I'm David," I replied indignantly.
"Oops, I'm sorry. I think it must be the lack of sleep. Lead on David."
"Wow," said one of the girls from The Manor, possibly Elaine. "This looks so old. Are their ghosts and secret passages and things like that?"
"I think you're thinking of Harry Potter," giggled Helen at the girl's enthusiasm. "There may well be secret passages, but I've never found any. As for ghosts, I don't think Mr Hobson would allow having his school invaded, even by the dead."
That caused a few chuckles and giggles. When we eventually made it to our common room, we noticed that things had been re-organised slightly with more settees added. Since we'd only been in there a few hours ago, I was quite surprised how things happened when you least expected it. Sitting on one of the small tables was a box containing the PDA's for year D with a note, addressed to Helen and me, saying 'Please issue these before year D has their nap.'
"It seems you aren't getting away that easily. It seems you are to be issued with your local PDA's before nap time. Shall we start with you Melissa?"
"Fine by me," she replied. "We have PDA's at our school so I'm used to the drill."
I tapped a few buttons and registered it to Melissa and after getting her required biometrics handed it over. Each one took under a minute to do and with Helen doing half we were quickly finished.
"Before you sleep, please confirm online what you want for lunch and tea," Helen informed the guests.
"These are swell," commented Erika as she chose her food. "They seem lighter and faster than ours."
"They are the latest model," I said proudly. "They are custom built to our needs. Oh that reminds me, when you get up will one of you point out a girl from your school called Matilda."
"Oh sure. She is one neat girl. Everyone just loves her. Why do you ask?"
"I've been told that she is someone to watch out for."
There were some looks of laughter between the American's. Eventually one said, "I take it you specialise in computers. If that's the case, you're going to have a fun few months."
"One of us will point her out to you, or introduce you if you want, but first I think it's time to have this short nap."
"We'll show you where the bedrooms are, even though the PDA's would do just as good a job. You should then be able to find your way back to the common-room."
"Listen up gang, no more than two hours nap," instructed Melissa. "We want to be able to sleep tonight."
"So, what do you think?" asked Helen when we got back to the common room. All year-D were in their rooms napping.
"It should be interesting," said Paula. "Erika seemed nice, the little we saw."
"She is," said Jill. "What was even more interesting was the head of the school."
"Oh?"
"That's Erika's Dad. Now, I wonder how much he was involved with this school while he was here for a year."
"Wow, interesting," I mused, filing it away for further thought and perhaps a few choice questions to people in higher years who might have noticed him while he trained.
"So Helen and David, what else do you know about our visitors?" asked Emma as Paula pulled out the Monopoly set.
"Nothing," I said, making a grab for the iron. Last time I'd not been quick enough and ended up as the boot. Jessica stuck out her tongue at me and then laughed as she ended up with the little dog.
"So what's this about Matilda?" asked Paula as she started counting out the fifteen hundred pounds.
"Oh, well she is one of their students who seems to have a knack for not understanding what computer security is for."
"Uh?"
"She is very good in bypassing computer and other security systems. That's all I know. I've yet to meet her and have no idea who she is apart from that."
"Not even what year she's in?"
"No. Though if she has all the skills she is supposed to have, I'm sure she must be in at least year F."
We continued to speculate about the Americans as we played the game. Today luck wasn't with me and I soon was passing my mortgaged properties to Brian. Monopoly can be quite boring for people that exit the game, but not here. I joined Helen and we became a team. This game however ended up unfinished as the Americans started arriving before a conclusion was reached.
"What a weird version," said Elaine as she peered at the board. "Where is Mediterranean Avenue and Boardwalk?"
"This is the British version," explained Erika who had played both versions. "It is based on the areas of London, not New York."
"Cool, I wonder if we'll get chance to see anything of London. This trip is like nothing we've ever done before. The main concert isn't going to be here but in Moscow, so it's unclear how much of England we'll see."
"Main concert?" I enquired.
"Oh, we have a little thing later. Also there was something mentioned that we might have a little concert in London."
I glanced at Helen who raised her eyebrows. She obviously wondered if they were having a concert in London, then would some of their 'teachers' be slipping off for extra curricular activities.
"Shall we go for lunch?" I suggested looking at the clock. "After we'll show you around before you impress us with your singing."
The dining room, which had seemed vast after the expansion, now seemed perfect. We all made our way to the tables. Since there were so many per year we were split onto two tables, each with a mixture of Americans and British.
"So what's the drill?" asked Daphne. "Where do we get the food from? At our school we have a refectory where we choose the food."
"Ah, well you know that you chose your food before your had your nap? Well, when the food bell goes, a few of us go and collect the food. Since there are so many of us at the table, it will probably need to be four of us. We normally take it in turns to collect and clear. We do it for a day and then another set does it the next day."
"Sounds fair," agreed Phil in a rich Texas drawl.
My PDA suddenly warbled signalling an incoming phone call. I looked at the name shown on the screen with surprise.
"Well aren't you going to answer it?" prodded Helen.
"Hi David speaking," I said still surprised that the Kitchen would ring me.
"Sorry but we forgot to ask who was sitting at which table, so we don't know what trolley to put the plates onto."
"Ah, that would be an issue," I agreed. With Melissa's help, I relayed the names and they rung off to finish preparations.
Stacy, who was at the far end of the room, stood and all the students fell silent. The American's who didn't know who she was just followed the lead of everyone else. "I'd like to welcome everyone from Immigration Manor to Hayfield Hall. George Bernard Shaw wrote, 'England and America are two countries separated by the same language'. May our guests have a happy time with us and learn how the English language is really supposed to be spelt."
There was a little bit of giggling as Stacy sat down and all the regulars at Hayfield Hall stood and applauded the Americans.
"Can I have everyone's attention," said Mr Hobson as the applause died down. "For those that haven't yet been told, my name is Mr Hobson and I'm the headmaster at Hayfield Hall. Since Stacy very nicely quoted Shaw I think I'll do the same. He said, 'I dislike feeling at home when I'm abroad'. I hope you find things that are similar, but also different. At this school we sometimes do a Mix-up Monday. Do you have anything like that at The Manor?"
Mr Hobson's query was only met with blank faces.
"Mix-up Monday is where students dress in ways they don't normally. For instance people who normally present themselves as female will present themselves as male and ..."
"Freaky Friday!" screamed half the Americans with delight.
"I think I'm going to like you," laughed Mr Hobson. "You're a lot less reserved than my usual audience. Okay, so this will be like at home but it will be done tomorrow which, in Hayfield Hall style. Anybody that is normally androgynous will be male in the morning and female after lunch. Any questions? Excellent."
'Oh crap,' I thought to myself. I'm back to being Jayne when I hoped to avoid being Jayne in front of the Americans. Heck, I'd even tried to be slightly more masculine without going over the top like during the training but Melissa had still got it wrong.
As Mr Hobson sat down the meal bell rang. Helen and I took Melissa and Jamie out to the kitchens to retrieve the trolley. We then served things out in a professional manner much to the Americans amusement.
"All you need is a waiter's outfit," said one of them. I didn't see who and I'd yet to get everyone's accents down to their names and faces.
"Hey, we like to do things with style," defended Helen. "It didn't faze us when we ate at a top class restaurant on our last school trip."
"True," mussed Melissa. "I suppose it has something going for it. Only trouble is, I never can decide what to eat until I've seen it. So deciding up front is going to be something totally different."
"Ah, then you'll be okay with the buffet breakfast," I added, trying to stop things developing into an argument.
"You mean no English breakfast of death?"
"Uh?"
"The Traditional English breakfast."
"Ah, they cook it very nicely so it isn't too fatty," I said. "Also you have to order it via the PDA and the system then stops you having other things high in fat or cholesterol later; maintaining a balanced diet."
"Have you been digesting the parenting book?"
"David often talks like that," laughed Helen. "It's one of the things I love about him."
The meal went smoothly and gradually the two schools started to build an understanding about each other. The gentle banter of earlier continued and I began to see that although the Americans sense of humour was very different, it was also very gentle. At no time did they make fun of us and we reciprocated.
"So which girl is Matilda?" I reminded Melissa.
"Ah yes. Well see the small girl on the Year B table that has just stood up? That's Matilda."
"You have to be kidding?" I said looking at the girl. "She looks about eight."
"Don't underestimate her," warned Jamie. "She might look small, but is very bright. She looks like butter wouldn't melt in her hands, but she has probably gotten into more trouble than anyone else in the school."
"What?"
"Are you thinking about the Sydney trip?" giggled Daphne.
"That's probably the worst I'm aware of," laughed Jamie.
"What did she do?" asked Helen, intrigued at the thought of what a sweet, innocent looking girl could do
"Lets just say she rearranged the sleeping arrangements," said Melissa.
"Uh?"
"Look, let's wait till we can exchange gossip when we are all together and not split on two tables."
"Okay," I said reluctantly, still thinking what she could have done.
After lunch, Immigration Manor took over the school chapel to prepare for the concert they would give later. The small rehearsal was to get used to the acoustics and set anything that was needed. After tea, the chapel was full of Hayfield Hall students and the Americans came in from the sides wearing matching evening gowns and evening suits. They looked very professional. Over the next few hours they delighted us with their vocal skills, as they took us on a journey from early European choral music, to modern tunes.
As they finished, the applause they got showed just a fraction of our appreciation. As musicians, we all understood how much work had gone into their practice and development of their fine voices and ears.
"Thank you for listening," said Roberta their conductor. "You have been a wonderful audience and I can't wait to rehearse with us all together, where we can create an even better performance."
As we filed out, I saw Stacy and quickly moved to intercept her.
"Hi David," she said as she saw me deliberately move across the room. "What's up?"
"Nothing much," I said slowing down, so there was a gap between us at the end and the rapidly departing audience. "Did you hear that The Manor is doing a concert in London next week?"
"No, I hadn't heard. I suppose it isn't unexpected, but it's still very interesting. I was going to organise a meeting between the American and British beta's, but I think I'll delay that till after their concert. Thanks for letting me know."
"No problems," I said. "I've not really had chance to ask, but how are things going since the operation?"
"It couldn't be better," she said, her happy smile so genuine. "I can't begin to describe what it's like. I don't think I'd feel any happier if I'd been reborn. Living fulltime as a girl helped me fit in more with everyone around. I was treated and accepted just like I was a genetic female. However there was something still missing, I didn't have the body I needed. Andy couldn't do what I wanted him to do to me."
"Ahem," I coughed in mock jest at the idea of her having sex. Oh the school might have huffed about it, but it happened. You couldn't be that close to your soul mate and not give into the desires. Stacy just smiled and gave me a wink.
"I have a favour to ask," Stacy said, her face becoming serious.
"Yes?"
"Would you mind being Jayne for the trip to Russia?"
"WHAT!"
"Hush. Just think about it and discuss it with Helen. It is much easier if you are the same sex for the trip. I just thought you would find it more pleasant being Jayne than having Helen and you be full male."
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"I'm not doing anything. I'm just showing you the options."
"What about me going as I am?"
"I suppose you could do, but that might draw undue attention to yourself. Take our new arrivals. Have you been mistaken for a girl yet?"
"Yes," I said feeling a mixture of shame, embarrassment and upset.
"It's nothing to be ashamed of," reassured Stacy. "You are you and be proud of it. There are no problems you being yourself, but I just thought that the consequences of that were something you might think about."
"I don't want to be a girl," I said for the thousandth time.
"I'm not asking you to have a sex-change. I'm just suggesting that you might melt more into the background."
"You're not forcing me?"
"No, why should I? I just want you to be happy. I'm worried that you might be unhappy if you couldn't sleep with Helen. I know how upset you were while you were separated the other week."
"Oh. You've given me quite a bit to think about. When is the trip going to be announced?"
"I'm not sure yet. I'll let you know, so that you can be dressed as you want to go."
"Thanks. I better get back to the common room. Oh, was Erika's Dad here last year?"
Stacy gave me a sharp look and then a little smile. "He was around, but not that most people would have seen and it is probably best not discussed. Think of the reaction when you went fishing for information about Mr Taylor."
"Ah, I understand. Thanks."
By the time I'd got to the common room the room had been rearranged for the chat about Erika, Jill and Anna.
"Just in time," said Helen waving me to sit at the other side of the large settee. There was Helen, Jill, Anna and Me, so we could comfort them if needed. Erika was also sandwiched between her partner and Melissa.
"So Erika, tell us how you know Jill and Anna," prompted Melissa.
"Before my Dad took over as principle at Immigration Manor, he was asked to be UK head of a company. Jill and Anna's dad's both worked for the same company. I went to the same school as Jill and Anna."
"Is that it?"
Erika looked at Jill, not wanting to say any more without permission. Jill smiled and said, "Yes there is more, but Erika was unsure if I wanted to reveal things. Erika, do you trust them?"
"With my life."
"When Erika first knew me, my name was Bill," Jill said, looking round at others reactions.
"Hey, I used to be called Martin," said Martha. "It isn't a big deal."
"There is a lot more. My Dad works at this school," continued Jill.
"Not that sports teacher?" guessed Colleen.
"What, Mr Yates?" Anna laughed. "No way. Look, there is a little story behind Jill's transition and being here. Some of it is a bit difficult for Jill, so that's why we're like this."
"I suppose it's best to start with just before Christmas last year," pondered Erika.
"Jill, are you sure you want to go through this again?" said Paula, remembering the events of a few months ago.
"Rachel says I need to talk about it and that I bottled things up too much. I don't want to repress this like I used to."
"Well in England they have this funny play called a Pantomime," started Erika. "The pantomime Dame is a female part played by a male. He is often done up to look ridiculous and often gets a good laugh. Poor Bill got tricked into playing the part. He asked Anna and me for help in learning how to act as a female."
The story on how Bill became Jill unravelled, just as it had when Jill had told us soon after we'd joined the school and when she told us about her mother dying. She told it with so much feeling that half the room was near tears, with some actually shedding a few drops.
"Do you want to stop?" I asked Jill after she told us about her mother dying.
"No," said Jill, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I need to continue."
"If you need to stop then say so," I insisted, discreetly sending a message to Rachel on my PDA, outlining the situation and asking for a curfew extension.
"I take it your dad is Julia, the computer studies teacher?" asked Melissa
"Yes, but when Mum died, I didn't realise that Julia and my Dad were the same person. As Mum was dying, she was trying to tell us both to tell each other, but we were both frightened of each other's reaction.
"I often think back to what Mum taught me and look to see things that she suggested as being for the best, even if I didn't think so at the time. When Mum and Dad were together, I had the best parents in the world and then Mum died and it was never the same. As I tried to give up the Jill part of me, Dad lost his soul mate and part of his spirit died. Even while they were split, they cared so much for each other. The way Mum instantly dropped everything to help when Julia had been assaulted; there was never any thought of not going, or not helping."
"Jill, why don't you close your eyes and tell us what happened after your mum had died?" suggested Helen.
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It is too easy to say something you shouldn't while retelling an emotional part of your past.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 26
Jill closed her eyes and began to describe in detail the events following her mother's death.
* * *
Mum was dead. How could this happen so quickly? Yesterday she'd found out about Jill and she didn't freak. I had hope that with Anna and Erika gone, I could still learn the lessons I needed to learn; and admittedly, enjoy. Now there was no one. The only people who knew were Anna, Erika and Beth. Anna and Erika had been snatched away, and Beth was lying in a coma.
Mums words as she lay dying drifted through my grief stricken brain, 'You must tell Dad about Jill'. How could I do that? Dad was a very open and understanding person, but he'd just lost his wife and his daughter was lying unconscious. How could I tell him that his son liked dressing as a girl? No, it was best that Jill died with mum. I could be Bill. I HAD TO be Bill for everyone. Mum had the right idea about adapting clothes. I'd been sure that with a bit of thought, I could do it.
I raised my head and wiped away the tears. Stacey, the kind nurse who'd made sure I was okay, had disappeared and left us alone in our grief. Dad was crying like I'd never seen before. He'd lost his true love and his life will never be the same. Mum had been his soul mate. Even when they weren't together, they still so obviously had feelings for each other. The way Mum dropped everything to rush to nurse him better when he'd been attacked and the obvious sorrow of having to leave him again told me that. I could tell she'd been so torn between wanting to be with him and the need to protect us from whatever secret they had. Was it Julia, or something else?
What would I do now? How would we live without Mum? Would we live with Dad or would we again be parted from him? What would happen to me and Beth? Why did she have to die? Why? Life was so unfair.
"Mr Toms?" eventually prodded a nurse who looked more senior than Stacey. I hadn't heard her come in and by Dad's reaction, neither had he.
"Yes?" he eventually replied, his voice sounding soft and highly emotional.
"When you are ready, let me know. I need to go through some things with you."
"I suppose now's as good a time as any," he said, his eyes never having left his departed wife and love.
I felt a bit in the way. I really didn't want to leave my Mum, but the longer I was next to her, the longer I realised that she was no longer there, just her body.
"Can I go and see Beth?" I suddenly blurted out, not wanting to know the details of what was going to happen to Mum. I wanted to remember her as a kind and loving person and not a corpse.
"I'll take Bill to see her if you like?" offered Stacey, surprising me with her sudden appearance. She looked different and it took me a moment to realise she was out of uniform.
"Are you sure?" Dad asked.
"It would be my pleasure. He has been such a brave boy and it would be best he is with the living."
"Oh, I see what you mean," said Dad, giving a dazed nod. "I'm not really with it at the moment. Why don't you go to see Beth and I'll sort out what needs to be done here. I think you have done very well Bill. I'm proud of you."
Stacey took me by my arm and led me out into the corridor, down a flight of stairs and out into a courtyard.
"What are we doing out here?" I asked as we walked into the cold winter weather.
"You have been stuck in a room helping your mother pass-on with her family. She died in peace knowing love. You need a bit of fresh air, then we'll get a little to eat ..."
"I'm not hungry," I interrupted.
"... and when I think you've eaten enough," continued Stacey, "I will take you to see your sister."
"But ..."
"No buts, it's got to be butter," joked Stacey, taking the wind out of my sails. "Look, you need to be strong for your Dad. By the looks of things, he made a big personal sacrifice to please his wife during her death."
"What do you mean?"
"Never mind. Look, let's go and raid the canteen."
The canteen wasn't far away and I was furnished with a chicken curry. It was rather bland, but Stacey said I wasn't allowed to leave until I'd eaten at least half. During the meal Stacey didn't say much, which I was rather grateful about. As I ate, I tried to block out the picture of my Mum lying on a hospital bed, tubes attached and her slowly, but with certainty, dying.
"Photos help," said Stacey.
"What?"
"Photographs. They help you remember the person as they were, rather than the picture of them dying. Do you have photographs of her?"
"Oh yes, I have plenty of photographs," I smiled weakly, thinking of the piles of photo albums in the cupboard. "I just wish there were more of us all together. This year Dad has been away with work."
"Your Dad has probably changed a bit over the last year," warned Stacey. "Just be patient with him, as he probably will have a lot of guilt over his wife's death. Even though he isn't to blame, he'll probably wish he'd been with her over the last year."
"Oh," I said, wondering what she was talking about. "Why are you out of uniform?"
"My shift finished a little bit ago. However I wanted to stay. It helps if there is continuity of treatment."
"Thanks," I said wondering how much extra time she'd put in. Now she was putting in extra, looking after me. My thanks didn't seem enough, but I'd no idea what else to say.
"Are you finished?"
"I think so."
"Okay. Let's go find Beth."
Beth. At long last I'd see my sister. After Anna and Erika, Beth was the one other person in the world that knew about Jill. She didn't mind, sort of understood and, most importantly, had helped me when I asked for it. She never told tales on me and when the chips were down, would stand by me till the end. In some ways I missed Beth more than Anna and Erika. Last year I'd been without my father, my mother was now dead and I didn't know how Beth would be. How could my life get any worse?
"Will she survive?" I asked, as we made our way to see Beth.
"We can ask when we get there," replied Stacey. "Don't forget that Dr Patel said earlier that she was in a coma. I don't work in that ward, so I don't have the latest information."
When we walked into ICU, we had to ring a bell and we were let into the reception area. Here there was a desk with a nurse behind a computer monitor and a corridor leading to, what I presumed to be, where the patients were being treated.
"Hi, you must be Bill," said the nurse as she rose from behind the computer and approached me.
"Yes, how is Beth?" I asked, getting straight to the point.
"Why don't you have a seat, while I see if one of the nurses who are looking after her is available," smiled the nurse. "I understand your Dad will be down shortly."
"Can you stay with me for now?" I asked Stacey.
"I really shouldn't, as this isn't my ward," she said, "but I'll stay for a few moments, till the nurse comes."
"Thanks," I said, taking a seat on a chair. At least this one was padded and not like the monstrosities that were in Surgical Recovery.
"She will be with you in a few minutes," the ICU receptionist said on her return and then went back to hiding behind her monitor.
The minutes passed and a middle-aged nurse appeared. "Hi, I'm Wendy Roberts. I'm one of the nurses who've been taking care of your sister. Since she is in a coma, she's under supervision here, but when she wakes, she'll be moved to a normal ward."
"Oh. Do you know how long it will be before she'll wake up?"
"No," Wendy said in a matter-of-fact manner. "We have to just wait and see. It was only a minor injury and ..." Wendy's pager went off, making me jump.
"If you'll excuse me a minute. I need to just check on something."
With that, she was gone.
"Looks like I'll be here a bit longer," laughed Stacey.
"Sorry."
"It's okay." She paused and then asked in a quieter voice, "Does your Dad know about you?"
"Know what?"
"Since your Mum died, your mind has been elsewhere and you have been acting a lot more feminine. Since you weren't like that when you first came in, I assume it is something you know about and therefore you hide it when you want to."
"Oh," I whispered, a funny feeling swelling up my chest. I suddenly found myself crying buckets of tears. All the control of my emotions over Mum's death was freed as it was replaced by the thought of being exposed to my Dad. It would kill him, finding out about Jill, after how much else he'd just lost. My Dad loved me as Bill and I didn't know how I could take the chance of telling him and losing my only remaining parent. No, I decided I'd be Bill as planned.
"That is behind me now," I sobbed. "I need the love of my father."
"True, some parents aren't understanding, but I'm sure your Dad would be."
"How did you know?"
"You aren't the first person I've met who's dressed like you have and after I'd met a few, I began to see the signs. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. It's just you are young and I thought it would help you to know that you aren't the only one - you aren't alone."
Just then Wendy re-appeared, her face lit up like the Christmas decorations that were rapidly disappearing. "I have some news that will cheer you up," she said, not knowing the reason for me being upset. "Beth has shown signs of starting to coming out of her coma."
"Starting?" I said rubbing the tears from my face with my school sweater. "I thought she would wake up, just as if she'd been asleep."
"No, it's not quite like that. Her mind is showing she is slipping to normal sleep. She will probably wake up for a little time, but slip back to sleep."
"Can I be with her?"
"You shouldn't be alone with her," firmly stated Wendy, obviously following the rulebook.
"Bill wasn't any problem when he was alone with his mother," interceded Stacey. "And this is ICU, where you'll be closely monitoring Beth anyway. How alone could Bill be?"
"I suppose, but ..."
"And his Dad will be here soon. It might help Beth if she hears a familiar voice."
"True, but ..."
"Well that's sorted then," smiled Stacey. She turned to me and said, "Good luck Bill. Now remember what I said about trust."
"Yes Stacey. Thanks."
"Anytime," she waved and disappeared out of ICU and out of my life.
After again being warned that Beth might seem worse than she was, I was taken to see her. There was a vast array of equipment monitoring her due to the coma. It all seemed very clinical, but at least I could see her.
"Hi Sis," I said, taking the seat that had been offered. There was no response. In some ways this seemed just like the scenario that I'd had with Mum seven hours ago. In some ways it seemed like another time, arriving at the hospital and hearing about Mum and Beth. In other ways, it seemed like it just happened.
"Well Sis, today certainly has been a day I never want to go through again. Yesterday afternoon, I thought that day would be the worst I'd ever been through and it turned out to be one of the best. Today, things are just the opposite."
"Keep it happy," said one of the nurses. "Most people find it difficult talking to someone who is non-responsive, but you got straight into it. Have you done it before?"
"I talked to my Mum for hours," I replied, trying not to let my emotions show.
"How is she doing now?"
"She died about an hour ago," I spat. I didn't mean to sound upset or bitter, but I couldn't help it. Was this nurse stupid? My sister was in a coma after being in a car accident with my mum. I blinked, trying to stop the tears but it just seemed to make them come quicker. My Mum, the rock of my life, was dead. I'd been denied my mother's help in my complicated future.
"I'm sorry," said the nurse, coming across to me. "I've just come on shift and wasn't aware what happened. By the way, I'm Ingrid."
"Beth won't die, will she?"
"She is doing very well," carefully informed Ingrid. "The neurologist, who examined her just before you came in, said that she was making good progress."
"Wendy, the nurse I saw earlier, said she was starting to slip out of the coma. I thought she would be awake and talking by now."
"Oh, heck, no. You've been watching too many films. It is a slow process. Her body has suffered a serious trauma and it will have taken a lot of energy out of her. She has a lot of drugs helping her, some of which act as heavy sedatives."
"Oh," I said sadly. I'd hoped to chat with Beth before Dad arrived.
"I'll tell you what; you chat with Beth, which will help her a lot and I will point out different stages of recovery as they occur. It would just bore you if I got all medical on you."
"Thanks," I said, turning back to Beth. She still looked the same as had moments before. Her left arm in plaster and cuts on her face were the only visible signs of the accident. I took her hand into mine and sighed, the whole situation reminded me of what I'd gone through several hours before.
"Why are her eyes taped shut?"
"They'll probably come off soon. If her eyes are left open they'll dry out or get dust in them. You can't blink while in a coma, so we keep them closed."
"Thanks," I said, pondering on all the small details that I'd never have thought of, which must be routine for these staff. I resolved there and then that if she started to come round, I wouldn't leave till she was awake. "Well Beth, I have some exciting news for you, Dad has come to see you. He is just with Mum for a little bit, but will be here shortly. I don't want to give everything away, but he looks a bit different from before. His hair is longer and there are a few other things, but he's still the same person."
I'm sure I felt her hand move slightly against mine. I doubt you could really call it a squeeze, but I'm sure I'd felt something. I looked at her in amazement and was sure I could see a small smile. Perhaps it was my imagination, but I'm sure she was trying to respond. I thought about calling Wendy, who had come into the room, or Ingrid, but didn't really want to disturb them.
Wendy must have noticed my glance around the room and asked, "Are you okay?"
"I think she tried to squeeze my hand," I said becoming excited. "Is that a smile?"
Wendy came across and took a look. "You know, I think you may well be right about that smile. I'm going to remove the tape keeping her eyes shut so she can start to focus as she comes round. Keep talking to her. You are doing great."
Wendy gently removed the tape; however her eyes stayed shut instead of springing open. I was helping my sister. I'd been with my mum when she died and I so wanted to help someone live. If my talking was really helping then I knew I'd talk to her all night if I had to. I again blocked out the rest of the room and gave my total concentration to Beth. Now what would Beth like, ah yes...
"Beth, how would you like to move to Milton Keynes? I hear they have a great shopping centre which is so close. Think of how rubbish the shops are locally to us and how long it takes got get to somewhere where they have a few decent shops. Anna said the other day that she caught the bus into Milton Keynes centre and she was there in fifteen minutes. It seems they have more shops in the one centre than what you've been used to and just opposite is a huge cinema complex, restaurants and enormous indoor ski slope."
I took a breath. There was no response. This was harder work than I thought. Until I'd been shopping with Anna and Erika, I'd tried to avoid shopping, so I wasn't really used to talking about it, especially to someone who wasn't responding.
"If we do move to Milton Keynes, which is likely at least, I will be near Anna and Erika again. Before Anna left, she took an interest in me playing the oboe and I'm thinking about teaching her. Hopefully it is something that we can do together. I've missed her so much since she left and was hoping that we could one day be together, I just never expected it to be so …"
I got another squeeze, this time it was a bit stronger. There was no doubt in my mind that it was her. My sister was regaining consciousness.
"That's it, Beth. Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand again." I encouraged, my voice again rising in pitch as I almost willed her to answer. She didn't and I didn't get another squeeze. She'd always been the more obstinate of the two of us.
"Another squeeze?" asked Wendy.
"Yes. It was a bit stronger this time." I replied without looking up.
"I think I saw a smile," said a familiar voice behind me.
"Dad!" I said with a jump. "I didn't hear you come in."
"I've only been here a few moments and I didn't want to disturb you. You're doing so well and it seems like it is helping your sister."
"Why don't you have a turn," I said as Dad pulled up a chair. "I've been talking nonstop and I'm sure she's tired of listening to me."
"I don't know what to talk about." Dad seemed at a loss as what to say.
"Why don't you tell her about Milton Keynes?" I suggested. "Or some of your trips away?"
"Okay, now let me see. Okay, as you know, I live in Milton Keynes. I've got a three bedroom house in one of the southern areas. Anna and Erika live less than a mile from my house. Apart from my job with Planetwide, I've been helping out by teaching part-time at a school not far away."
"Really?" I interrupted my Dad. "Why didn't you tell us before?"
"Really. I didn't say because you'd want to join and it would have upset you because you couldn't."
"Er, why would I want to go to that school?"
"Because they have a great orchestra which is so good that it goes abroad a few times a year and plays concerts."
"Wow, can I go there?"
"See?" he laughed. "I said you'd want to go, and the answer is no, because the school's full."
"Awws," I said, feeling disappointed. The orchestra at the school I went to was okay, but it was nothing special. The county orchestra was more fun and I was hoping that I would be able to apply to the national youth orchestra, but when there had been an opening for an oboe player, I didn't feel I was ready."
"Are you ready now?"
"I think I'm good enough to try," I said carefully. "Playing with the county orchestra just proved to me that I'm doing better than I thought. Sure the music is harder and the quality expected higher, but I never struggle."
"Well, we'll have to see what opportunities come up to stretch your skills."
I wondered what Dad meant by that. He didn't say anything, but waited for me to finish my thoughts. I never finished them as I was interrupted by a noise coming from the bed. Beth's eyes were flickering as if she was trying to open them, but didn't quite have the energy. I grasped hold of Dad's hand with excitement as we both watched and listened.
"Jill," eventually came a weak voice. It was obviously a great strain and she drifted back to sleep.
"Who's Jill?" Dad asked.
My heart sank. Did he know? His face was inquisitive so he probably didn't know. "A friend of hers," I replied, mentally crossing my fingers.
"I missed so much being away," said Dad sadly, fresh tears in his eyes. "Beth never mentioned her on the phone. I've probably missed so much over the last year."
"It's not your fault," I said, trying to cheer him up. It didn't work as Dad just shook his head, tears falling gently down his face. "I've missed a year of your lives, and the last year of your mum's. I can never regain what I lost."
"Then look forward to the next few years, when the three of us can be together."
* * *
Jill stopped her tale, as she unexpectedly broke down.
"Jill, Jill, it's okay," said Anna, flinging her arms around her distraught partner.
Jill just continued to sob, her body quivering uncontrollably. Nothing Anna or anybody else in the room could say anything to console her.
"What set her off?" Paula whispered to Emma.
It had obviously not been whispered quietly enough, as Jill said, "But we won't spend the next few years together. I will never see my sister again and outside school lessons, I can't see Julia. Julia is just a teacher to me now, not a parent."
"What do you mean?" Wesley asked.
"It's getting late," David interrupted. "Why don't we all go to bed and let Jill recover a bit."
Jessica stared at David intently and said, "Jill, it'll be okay. You'll see your sister again when you finish school."
"No I won't," Jill cried, the tears that had started to dry erupting once again. "We can never see our families again."
The room filled with questions as everybody seemed to want to talk at once. Helen shrugged her shoulders and shouted, "QUIET!" When the hullaballoo decreased she said gravely, "Jill's right, we'll never see our friends and family again."
"Is this a Hayfield Hall rule, or is it the same at The Manor?" Cassandra asked Melissa.
"I'm not aware that we're banned from seeing our family after we've finished," answered Melissa. "I'll ask tomorrow."
"I've just talked to Rachel," David interjected. "She said that she and someone called Ellen will be right down. Who's Ellen?"
"Dr Ellen Hansen is the chief psychiatrist at The Manor," explained Melissa. "Who's Rachel?"
"Rachel is Dr Rachel Ruiz. She is our head psychiatrist."
"So how do you know about it?" Jessica asked Helen.
"On the first day we arrived, David worked it out. He mentioned it to Rachel and she explained it to us. Since study partners don't have secrets, I was told. I was devastated, as I was very close to my family."
"So why didn't you tell us?" demanded Emma.
"Because we were asked not to. Heck, I wasn't ready to be told. Do you think you would have been?"
"No," eventually admitted Emma. "I don't think I'm ready now. I suppose it's too late to change my mind about coming here?"
"Would you really want to leave?" asked Paula in apparent fright.
"I love the school," she said slowly. "But I miss my family, especially my sister Sarah."
There was a sharp rap on the door. Helen looked around and asked, "Everyone ready?"
"Let them in," a few voices said. With no dissenters, Helen opened the door, letting in not just two stonily faced psychiatrists, but the two serious heads of school.
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One of the secrets is out, but are others safe? A sightseeing trip invokes a feeling of déjá vu.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 27
"Calm down," bristled Mr Hobson, positioning some seats at the front of the room. "We can't answer questions if we get them all at once. Let's deal with some fundamentals first and then we'll take it from there. Emma, you look like you're about to explode if you don't ask first, so ask away."
"Are we never able to see our families again? I mean, I know we are at the school fulltime till we finish year five, but I mean afterwards?"
"Correct," he sadly replied. "I'll explain more in a bit."
Instead of the expected uproar there was silence. I squeezed Helen's hand, knowing how hard this was for her. She squeezed back. She wouldn't cry now, but I knew she would as soon as we got to our bedrooms.
"Does this rule also apply to The Manor?" Melissa asked plaintively, breaking the silence.
All of the students looked up at the staff with sad or stunned eyes, waiting for the response, dreading the answer they now suspected.
"Yes," Mr Moore replied bluntly. "I will never see my daughter again, either."
Erika jumped to her feet, and I suspect she wanted to throw herself into her dad's arms, but was quickly dragged back to her chair by her friends.
I was surprised there wasn't a revolt, but we just sat there, pondering how this news was changing our lives. Had we become so conditioned to the ways of the school that we knew emotional outbreaks wouldn't help, but a calm response worked better? Perhaps, or maybe a lot were in shock and things would be worse later. I hoped they weren't, as I love this school.
"I know this has been a shock to a lot of you," started Mr Hobson, interrupting my thoughts. "There are many reasons for this rule, but let's take a simple example. Jessica, how would you feel if you had to go back to being Richard?"
"I couldn't," she said in horror.
"Don't worry, I'm not asking you to. Okay, so if you went home as Jessica, how would your parents feel about it?"
"Dad would kill me. Well, not literally, I hope. He would certainly disown me."
"Would he keep the knowledge to himself?"
"I doubt it. He would probably moan to his friends about it."
"What would happen if the press got hold of it?"
"There would be a political stink," I said, when Jessica didn't respond. "The school would probably be closed due to rightwing pressure."
"Like what nearly happened in America," Melisa muttered.
"The move of the school?" I asked.
"You know about that?" asked Ellen, sounding surprised.
"How much do you think some of your students know about things you don't expect?" Mr Hobson queried, trying to sound innocent.
"Too many," laughed Mr Moore. "That's the problem with having schools filled with exceptionally talented students."
"Melisa, how much do you know about the school move?" queried Ellen.
"Not much. We were the first year to join after the move. The older students won't talk about it, but from what I can gather, it wasn't a fun time."
"No, it wasn't. All I will say is that a lot of the students were filled with fear. Due to a breakdown in security, we had to leave our old school very quickly and we were homeless for three months. There was no longer the safety that the school gives to learn about ourselves. The students and staff vowed that they would never let that happen again."
"What happened?"
"I wasn't there then, nor was Mr Moore, so we don't know the full story."
"I do," said Mr Hobson. "I was drafted in to help. I think it is something you should all hear, so get comfortable."
"You do know the time, don't you?" interrupted Rachel, knowing Mr Hobson could ramble on.
"Yes, I know it is way past curfew already, but this is important. Okay, to tell the story I really need to go back to the beginning of 2002, when the school was in a small sleepy town called Marshallville, in Ohio. In England we'd probably call it a village, as it only had a population of just over 800 people."
Over the next hour, Mr Hobson related a story of betrayal and the fight for survival. At the end, most of us were numb with shock. There had been a lot of tears and anger over that hour, but one thing everybody understood was the need for secrecy.
"Poor Lizy," were the first words spoken. This was met by near universal nods.
"I'm glad I'm at a school which looks after its pupils," uttered Emma. "It will be hard not to see my family again, but that is something I'm willing to agree to. It will be harder for people like Paula, who don't plan on changing their gender."
"Gregory hadn't changed his gender and look at what havoc he caused," replied Paula, giving Emma a friendly nudge for trying to help her partner. "It has to be one rule for everybody. It is fairer like that."
"What happened to Gregory?" asked Melissa.
"He's attending High School in his home town of Idaho Falls," answered Ellen. "He fell in with a bad crowd and his dad had to bail him out a few times. He never achieved the full potential, which he was showing here. He knows he's hurt a lot of people and is now trying to do better."
"How-"
"How do I know all this? It's because a friend of mine is his psychiatrist. We've arranged for him to attend a local university where I'll take over his care. He doesn't know I'm attached to the school, or it would be too much of a risk. He was a pupil at the school and the school doesn't stop caring just because you aren't at the school. He has lots of issues, which I can't talk about. I just hope we can get him back."
"Now off to bed," ordered Mr Hobson. "It is very late, so do it silently. You don't want to wake the rest of the school."
Helen and I were the last ones to leave the year-one common-room, making sure that all of our year, especially Jill, would be okay. It had been a strange day and I wondered if tomorrow, well really later today, would be any better.
As soon as the door to Helen's bedroom closed, she fell into my arms and burst into tears. I didn't need to ask what was wrong. I knew she was missing her parents and the conversation we'd just had, reminded her how much she had lost. She had gained other things, but was it enough? I couldn't really answer that, only Helen could and there was no way I was going to ask.
Eventually she started to squirm. "Go to the toilet," I ordered. As she reluctantly trotted off, I called after her, "And get ready for bed. I'll be back in a few minutes."
As she complied, I went to my room to get myself ready. I knew what would help distract her mind and chose the appropriate clothes from the right-hand side of my wardrobe. I just hoped that she was feeling distracted enough by the morning. Tomorrow would be hard enough without special requests.
Morning arrived far too early, primarily because we forgot to reset the alarm and it woke us up for our morning cycle. I'd persuaded Helen to try morning runs, after Christmas, just to make a change. The bit of morning exercise had become somewhat of a habit, so even with as little sleep as we'd had, it still felt good to get out into the bracing winter air.
At breakfast we all looked tired, but the poor Americans looked like death. They'd looked fine when we all went to bed. Since it was Mix-up Monday, I didn't recognise a lot of them. Since they were very good at it, I guess they started in year A.
"I think we need nametags," Christopher (Helen) said heartily.
"Are you okay?" I asked Bill (Jill) as he appeared with Alan (Anna). It looked like they were both holding each other together.
"We'll survive. Last night was a very heavy session and got more out of me than all the months of therapy. Do you think everyone will be okay with what was said last night?"
"Last night was a shock for everyone. Only time will tell if anybody has issues. I'll talk to the others later."
We could tell who people were by where they sat at the tables and I pulled up a list of aliases for year D. This was going to be confusing. There were two empty places where Emma and Paula normally sat. I was beginning to fear the worst and was about to make a call to make sure they were okay, when they appeared. Both as boys. This was a big improvement over the last Mix-up Monday, where Emma hadn't felt able to join in.
I jumped up and rushed across to Emma, sorry, Ian and gave him a hug. "Are you okay?"
"This will be hard, but I think I'll be okay. I've had quite some time to think about things and I think I'll live for one day."
As we all tucked into our breakfast, Clara (Paul) commented, "Wow, Jayne. You seem to do so well as a girl. Since you all have only been doing this for a few months, you do it very well."
Rykan (Melissa) stepped in immediately. "Clara, say you're sorry immediately. For all you know, that could be very upsetting."
"I'm fine," I sighed. "There is no need to apologise. I'm still trying to work things out. I've been told I am more passable as a girl than a boy, but I don't think being a girl is for me. I was born David and I don't really want to change, even though I would probably fit in better. I can do a very masculine David, but that doesn't feel right, either. Heck, I had to do boy lessons to achieve it."
"I'm sorry. I'm always talking before I think. I was just trying to compliment you."
"I know," I replied, putting on a disarming smile. "I tell you what. I will be fully David tomorrow, so you can see what I'm like."
"You don't have to."
"I know I don't, but it would be good for me to not forget all the lessons I've learned."
"We're off to London tomorrow, to have a practice in the hall we will sing at," mentioned Rykan.
"I've never been out fully as David," I mused. "I wonder if it would be possible to tag along?"
"If you do get permission, then I'll try to come as Christopher," said Christopher. "It is time he had a trip outside. I'll have the check with Rachel, to make sure I'm passable enough."
This discussion carried on till after breakfast. It seemed that none of us 'Brits' had ever been into London, apart from the concert. As we were leaving for our first lesson, we walked passed Mr Hobson.
"Sir," said Christopher, attracting his attention. "It seems the American students are having a practice in London tomorrow and then doing a bit of sightseeing. Since none of us have seen London, can we tag along?"
"Let me have a think about it," was his eventual reply. "I'll let you know at lunch."
Lessons were obviously more packed and the American students thought some of the teaching practices were a bit strange, but they soon got into the swing of things. It was during my solo computer lesson with Julia when things got interesting, well for me anyway. While waiting for Julia I realised wasn't alone. Instead a small boy joined me, also apparently waiting for Julia.
"Hello," I said, surprised for once that I wasn't one of the smallest in the school.
"I'm er, I'm Jeff."
"I'm Jayne, though I normally go by the name David. Are you supposed to be here, little one?"
"Ouch!" I said, as I was kicked in the shins. "What was that for?"
"Sorry, I hate that nickname. Look, my name is normally Matilda, and if you want to call me something else, then Munchkin is my normal nickname."
"Ah, sorry. I didn't know your male name. Matilda is a name that I've heard of. You're supposed to be a bit of a wiz on computers and bypassing other security systems," I said with a slight yawn.
"It often gets me into trouble," he agreed. "Are you okay, you look a bit tired?"
"Last night was a hard night."
"Is it true that someone told all of Year D the secret that they would never be able to see their families again?"
"Sorry?"
"Look, I know the truth. I'm just too nosy for my own good. I like a challenge and when there is a mystery, I like to get to the bottom of things."
"Now isn't a good time. The person involved is Julia's child, and Julia will be here in a moment."
"Ah."
When Julia arrived, she got straight down to business, so we couldn't continue our chat. "Jeff, poking around on the main security of the network is not allowed. I've noticed over a dozen attempts to bypass the primary security setup since you have arrived. You have a port in your room that is clearly linked to the separate hacking network, but you haven't even touched that. Therefore, I can only assume that you are trying to gain access to restricted resources."
"I was just-"
"No excuses. You were told what the rules here are, weren't you?"
"Yes, but-"
"Then I want a report by tomorrow morning detailing what you attempted and why, sectioned by each attempt. Since this is only your second day, you shouldn't have forgotten what you have done. From what I've been told, you have a lot of knowledge, but are still catching up with the descriptions of what different things are. During the weeks you are here, I'm going to let you loose on some European systems, which should give you exposure to different issues you don't have in America. Jayne hasn't had access to these systems yet either, so it should be a challenge."
"What's the format of these sessions?"
"You should both work together on it. You have full access to the library of technical information. All you will be given is an IP address. From that, you need to work out what system it is, bypass the security and tell me the secret phrase I have hidden somewhere in the system. As always in these workshops, I'm here to answer any question you might have. There are full system specs in the online library."
"So, I'm allowed to hack here?"
"As long as you do it on the hacking network. Now here are the details. Let me see what you can do."
We started and after a few minutes we realised the first catch, "This box isn't in English, is it?"
"You are doing great so far, but you aren't thinking laterally enough. Let me go over what you've done and you tell me why you did them."
I always found trying to justify my gut instincts hard, and I was pleased that the young man next to me was having just as much trouble.
As the lesson finished, Julia said, "Jeff, I look forward to reading your report tomorrow, over breakfast."
"You were serious about that?"
"Very. I'm sure Jayne will fill you in. I believe in learning from our actions, both when they are compliant to school rules and when they flagrantly breach them. The time we learn best is from our mistakes. Since I know about your activities you have made a few blunders, but I'm sure there have been times where you haven't blundered. By detailing them, not only do I learn how to make the system more secure, you learn what you did right."
"Am I in trouble?" came the little question that sounded so much like a worried little girl.
"That has yet to be decided. It helps that you didn't try to say 'That wasn't me'."
"Yes, Miss."
"When it is just students, I am Julia. When teachers are around then it is Ms Toms."
"Yes Julia."
"One thing before you go, how are you coping since you have arrived?"
"I'm fine, thanks."
"Since Erika in year D joined your school nine months ago, have you spoken much with her?"
"Not really. She's two years ahead of me."
"You, Erika and another girl who goes to Hayfield called Jill, all have something in common."
"What's that?"
"You all have parents who you see everyday, but are no longer able to have a relationship with them."
"Is Jill your daughter?"
"Yes, she is. I have been speaking with Ellen about it and we thought it might help all of you to have a sort of club, as it were."
"Can I think about it? They are much older than me."
"Sure. It was just a suggestion for a group where you can talk about an issue most other students don't even understand."
When Julia had gone, Jeff turned to me and asked, "Julia is Jill's mother?"
"Not quite. Julia is actually Jill's father."
"What? Julia is a man?"
"No, Julia suffered from Gender Dysphoria and had her Gender Reassignment Surgery last year."
"Wow, that's amazing. I would never have guessed."
"There is a lot more to Jill's story than that, but now isn't the time to talk about it. Why don't we meet up tomorrow at eleven, and continue trying to crack this box. I think Julia has given us a nasty one to start us off with."
"I can't do it tomorrow. The Manor has a practice in London for the concert."
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. How about Wednesday evening then? I have my personal music lesson at eleven this Wednesday."
"Sounds great. Are you, Helen, Fran, Ingrid, Andy and Stacy hanging with us tomorrow?"
I stared at him, but he just gave an impish smile and disappeared towards the dining room. I hurried after him, not wanting to be late.
"Can I have everyone's attention?" asked Mr Hobson, before the meal started. The people who hadn't seen him stand, quickly stopped nattering.
"Tomorrow the American students are practicing at the church of St Martin-in-the-Fields. For those who don't know, the church is in the heart of London, on the edge of Trafalgar Square. Some of the Year D students approached me after breakfast, asking if they could tag along, as they haven't had the opportunity to see anything of London. I think it would be a great opportunity for all the students at Hayfield Hall, so we shall all go. The coaches will leave after breakfast."
The conversation over lunch mainly consisted of what was in London and what we could persuade the teachers to let us see. The science museum sounded fun, but I really wanted to go up on the London Eye.
After afternoon lessons, we had our first joint music rehearsal. The orchestra was moved from the stage, to just below it, to give room for the choir. The stage wasn't big enough for both. At the front, there was a discussion going on between the two music teachers and the two student conductors.
"Okay everyone. As everyone from The Manor knows, my name is William, or when I'm not dressed in male clothes, I'm Roberta. We will start with a simple play through of each segment of The Armed Man and see how we sound. Since we've practiced separately, I'm sure the two schools will have interpreted it differently, so a little correction might be needed by the players as it will be played to my standard."
'Wow,' I thought to myself. 'She certainly has confidence in what she is saying.'
"Have all the singers got their headsets? If not, I would quickly get them while the orchestra finish setting up."
There were a few worried faces as singers scampered off to their rooms. William didn't sound like someone to mess with. I looked around at the expanded orchestra, taking in the vastly expanded numbers. It would certainly be a different sound. I wondered what the headsets were for. Since there were no speakers, I came to the theory that William used it to communicate individually with the singers.
"Are we all ready?" asked William as the singers retook their places.
William raised his hands and the sound of a marching army filled the room. As the lyrics started, sung in French, of the fifteenth century L'Homme Armé, I got a strange feeling that the voices were closer than expected.
There were other puzzled looks, but the music continued. I racked my brains and I could only come to one conclusion. I whipped out my PDA and sure enough the singing was emanating from it. The words 'MATILDA!' screamed through my head.
Before I got chance to try and block it, teachers came running into the hall. They had the good grace to wait till we'd finished the first movement before Mr Hobson interrupted the proceedings.
"What's going on?" he bellowed. "All the PDA's were outputting your rehearsal."
I looked at the choir and saw Jeff trying to look invisible. It obviously didn't work, as Ellen asked, "I would like the person who patched the headsets into the PDA system to see me in my office after the rehearsal. William, I know the practice has just started, would it be possible to give everyone a ten minute break so that the computer system can be put right?"
"Of course, Miss. Did we sound alright?"
"You sounded great, but I think it was a shock to the kitchen staff. I heard one of them dropped their spoon into the soup."
When all the teachers had gone, we all burst out laughing. Over the laughter, William said, "Okay, who was supposed to watch over Jeff?" There was more laughter, as someone in year B sheepishly raised her hand.
The rest of the rehearsal went without a hitch, as a pleasant silence emanated from the PDA's. Just as we finished, our PDA's signalled a delay in our evening meal, so we all trouped to our respective common rooms.
"So Jayne, how did Jeff do it?" asked Austin (Erika), after I'd poured over system configurations.
"Jeff is one smart cookie. It took quite a lot of ingenuity to do what he did. I take it this isn't the first time?"
"I thought you would have been warned."
"Oh, I'd heard rumours, though I can't understand why she did it," I replied, for some reason not wanting to reveal everything. I decided it would be a good idea to change the subject. "So what are you going to be singing at your London concert?"
"The Messiah."
"Oh, a nice piece for this time of year," said Bill(Jill). "It should be nice to hear some of it at the practice tomorrow. I doubt we'll be able to see the final production."
"I think we'll be doing a special show the night before," Rykan (Melissa) informed us.
"I never thought I'd see you back as Bill," said Austin(Erika), with a hint of admiration in her voice. "Most people who transition pick a different name, but you didn't, why?"
"Why should I?" shrugged Bill. "I never plan to have GRS. Don't forget, I just have a medical condition that makes my body look feminine. I have working male parts and I plan to keep them."
That resulted in a big hug from Alan(Anna) and a few cushions were thrown at the soppy couple. There was no doubt that they weren't just study partners.
"Let's go and get our tea," I said as I stood up. "If we start a cushion fight, we will definitely be late."
"Spoil sport," said Christopher(Helen), sticking out his tongue.
During the meal I glanced over to where year-B were sitting. Jeff looked slightly down, but not as if she'd been given a big bollocking. I still couldn't understand why she'd done it. She knew not to tamper with the network.
As we traipsed out of the dining room, I saw Jeff just ahead, so quickly went across, signalling to Christopher that I would join them in a few moments.
"Jeff," I said as I approached.
"Please don't have a go at me," he begged, his face falling.
"Don't worry, I'm not. What you did was quite ingenious, but besides making sure you were okay, I just wanted to ask one question. Why?"
"At my school we have the music coming out of speakers in the hall. Since you didn't have any, I set them to come out of the PDA's — it was the only output I could think of."
"Why didn't you just ask?"
"I suppose I should have," he replied, getting upset. The boy who was standing next to him didn't say anything, but just wrapped his arms around him.
"Look Munchkin," I said, hoping that using the nickname would calm things down. "We are supposed to work as a team, not individuals. Now why don't you see Mrs Russell, who is our music teacher, and see if she has something."
"Will you come with me?"
"If you want," I said with a little smile. I'd only known Jeff since earlier today and yet I was already beginning to see that under the knowledge, there was still a frightened child. I checked my PDA and saw that Mrs Russell was still at the school, so asked, "Do you want to do it now?"
"Thanks, Jayne. You're cool. Can Hunter come too?"
"The more the merrier, though don't expect it to be exciting. We are only asking if she has a speaker system that can be installed."
When we got to the room, she was just preparing to leave. "Is now a bad time?"
"I'm not in a rush," she smiled. "How can I help?"
"Jeff here, was telling me that normally they have speakers in their hall, which they output the singing through and I was wondering if you could help."
"Mmm, let me see what I can get hold of," she said thoughtfully. "We want to make sure that the Americans have everything they need. I'd have arranged something, if someone had told me."
"That’s very kind," I said.
"Do you know if any of the children at Immigration Manor know anything about sound equipment?" Mrs Russell asked the two Americans.
"Marshal is the best bet," said Hunter, after some thought. "I think he normally gets involved with things like that at the concerts, though we won't need anything at this concert, as we'll be in a church."
"Then I will speak with him tomorrow morning."
"Thanks," I said, ushering the other two out of the room. Another issue solved, which gave me a nice warm feeling.
* * *
The next day, breakfast was early, so we could all leave in good time. We wanted to be there about ten, and it seems there are always traffic issues getting into London. There was a morning prayer at eight, or I think they would have tried to get us there earlier.
There was one issue with transporting so many children; you needed a lot of transport. As we walked out of the entrance, we found a convoy of coaches waiting for us. As they snaked down the roads towards the capital, the general chatting and laughter gave way to singing. It didn't seem long before we were arriving in Trafalgar Square.
"So where's this church?" asked Sam.
"Look to the left," laughed Christopher, who was pointing out of the windows.
Poor Sam turned bright red at missing the big building that looked remarkably like a church. I suppose he hadn't expected a church to be situated in the corner of one of England's most famous areas.
"Okay, listen up," said Dan from the front. "Since there are so many of you, there will be two people looking after you today. Besides having my wit and charm-"
All the Hayfield children burst out in friendly laughter.
"Keep it down," he smiled. "We are lucky to have Mr Black with us who will, I'm sure, keep you all in line."
I leaned across to Melissa and asked, "Is he one of your regular teachers?"
"No. He's just someone who comes along and helps with the field trips, why?"
"I just wondered," I said, my thoughts beginning to solidify.
"What are you up to?" hissed Christopher. He knew me too well.
"Nothing, Darling."
"Yeah right. Remember, no secrets."
I thought about sticking out my tongue at him, but since Dan was nearby, I refrained. "Do you remember Mr Taylor?"
"You reckon?" Christopher asked, giving me a look of disbelief
"I reckon, but I'm sure we'll find out later."
"How?"
"Because when is a better time to sneak round the area, than when you have a bunch of kids with you for a rehearsal."
"But is it right for them to be sneaking around the UK? Aren't we all supposed to be allies?"
"I'm sure we would be checking things in America, if they thought we needed to. Anyway, I might be wrong."
The orchestra needed, was only small, like when we played the Sinfonia Concertante. There were strings, oboe, bassoon, trumpet, harpsichord and organ. The singers took their places behind the orchestra. After a little shuffling, they were soon singing and we all sat back to soak in their fabulous sound. This was a complete non-stop run through, which included the two breaks.
The only time things stumbled was at the end of the second part. They started to sing what is probably the most famous chorus in the whole piece, The Hallelujah. When it started, Jill stood up which amazed those that were sitting near her.
"What are you doing?" hissed Christopher.
"Its tradition," replied Jill. "You stand for The Hallelujah."
Who were we to mess with tradition? This information spread to the rest of the students and soon all the audience were standing. If the singers were expecting it or not, it didn't show. They didn't miss a beat and sung their hearts out.
After the rehearsal, we got into our year groups and headed off to see the sights. Since none of us knew London we were totally at the mercy of Dan. I was glad I wasn't one of year C, as they were unlucky enough to have Mr Hobson as a guide and when he gets going, he can go on a bit.
"So where are we going?" asked Jessica.
"We'll start off heading towards St James Palace," explained Dan, "work our way past The Ritz and then across, towards Buckingham Palace. We'll stop first in Haymarket so we can get something to eat."
"Can we eat at The Ritz instead?" asked Elaine.
I'm sure I saw a shudder of fear from Dan and Mr Black. "No," choked Dan. "I think I'd be fired if I came back with the expenses that high."
"Shame," added Daphne. "It would have been a nice story to tell the others."
"Perhaps we could get Matilda to manipulate the reservations?" I added innocently.
"NO!" shouted everyone from The Manor at once.
After we'd filled ourselves up with Italian food, we made our way towards St James Palace. As we walked along Pall Mall, I said to Dan, "This is a great idea to see these things."
"Don't thank me," said Dan. "Mr Black suggested it might be nice to see where some of the lesser royals live."
I pulled back and watched Mr Black in action. Before we made it to the palace, he seemed very interested in one of the buildings on the right.
"Very nice architecture, isn't it?" I said, falling beside Mr Black. I saw Christopher blanch at my near repeat of the tactic I'd used in Paris.
"Indeed," he replied.
"Shame the door is shut, I'm sure it would be even more interesting to see what the inside is like."
"I'm sure it would be."
"It's good to have a dry run before the concert," I added, after a few moments silence. I'd hoped I wouldn't need the extra prodding, but he seemed as immune to my subtle techniques as Mr Taylor. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Christopher making strangling signs.
"Hasn't Mr Hobson taught you when to keep quiet?" Mr Black asked, staring very coldly at me.
We approached a corner and we could see the guard outside St James Palace just ahead. As I was about to respond to Mr Black, by telling him I was just referring to the practice the students had, Mavis Brown, the lady from MI6 came into sight.
"Remember your role as a teacher," I hissed quickly to Mr Black and shouted to Christopher, "I bet I can make the guard laugh before you can."
Christopher quickly cottoned on and shouted to the others, "Hey you guys, quick come and help judge!"
"Oy, you two, behave!" shouted Mr Black, fitting in with his role.
The students had rushed across the road, all behaving like normal school children would, rather than ones that had been drilled into being model students.
Mavis gave a snort, turned and entered the building that Mr Black had been interested in. I saw he tried to get a good look inside, but he didn't have a very good angle. Since I did, I turned to take a picture of Christopher using my PDA, and also got a few good shots of the inside and forwarded them to Mr Hobson. I'm sure he would have some technique to enhance them, if he thought the Americans should have them.
"First, the sightseeing trip in Paris and now the one in London," snapped Dan, as he approached us. "I'm not sure if you're fit to have as year leaders."
I didn't say anything, as I couldn't tell Dan the reason we'd misbehaved. Jill spoke up, "I don't think I'd want anybody other than our existing year leaders."
"Me neither," came responses from the others in the year.
"We chose them," said Jessica. "I still think they help us more than anyone else could."
"I don't think now's a good time to discuss this, so let's continue the tour," sighed Dan.
As we walked passed The Ritz, I managed to get next to Mr Black. "That was Mavis Brown," I said. "She's MI6."
"Thanks," he said. "I did recognise her, and thank you for your distraction. You do know that I'm going to have to report this discussion. Sorry."
"I know," I sighed. "And since neither of us can explain the situation to the other students, I will need to be punished."
When we got back to the school, Mr Hobson came onto our bus. "David and Christopher, I would like to see you in my office immediately."
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After saving the day in London, will David and Christopher still get punished?
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 28
We were left stewing in a waiting room. Our PDA's had been confiscated and there was no clock, so we had no idea how long we'd been waiting.
"Sorry I got you involved," I eventually said to Christopher. I'd been thinking about the day, trying to think of a way of not being punished while not revealing the truth.
"We stick together. I could strangle you for the way you baited Mr Black, but I don't know how else you could have distracted Ms Brown. Do you think she recognised us?"
"When we were at the concert we were Jayne and Helen. Today we were two boys. I think there might have been more repercussions if she had suspected. The only other person she might have recognised from the concert is Jill, but Jill was surrounded by others, so it is unlikely."
"I think she must suspect the school is up to something, the way she tried to bug the concert."
"At first I thought the school worked for someone like MI6," I said after a few moments thought. "However, the more I think about the situation, I'm not sure. Why would the American's be involved if it was?"
"Well, please don't ask when we get called in," begged Christopher. "We don't want Mr Hobson having a heart attack."
"I'll behave," I promised. I regretted that almost as soon as I said it. 'Perhaps I should have crossed my fingers when I said that. No, that would have been wrong. Christopher / Helen is my partner. I can't betray her. I'd be betraying myself.'
We slipped back into silence, awaiting our fate. Eventually Christopher began to fidget, because the seats were so uncomfortable. His bottom was more padded than mine, but it seemed to have affected him first. I was going to ask if he would like to sit on my knee, but never got the chance as the door swung open, revealing Stacy.
"They're ready for you," was all she said.
"They?" I asked as we followed.
Stacy didn't say anything, but led us silently towards Mr Hobson's office. It felt like we were being marched to our funerals. Christopher's face looked terrified as we approached the door. I hoped my terror didn't show.
"Keep your head up," Christopher whispered after taking a deep breath. "We did it right."
Christopher's face cleared and I drew comfort from that as we walked into the room, our heads held high. Sitting there on the settees were Mr Hobson, Mr Taylor, Mr Moore and Mr Black. Stacy didn't enter the room, but closed the door behind us.
There were two old wooden chairs opposite, which I presumed were for us. "You wanted to see us?" I said, not taking the seat until it was offered.
"Please sit down," said Mr Hobson, indicating the chairs. As we sat down, Mr Taylor gave a little smile and a wink. My confidence grew. "You have been asked here to try and explain your behaviour this afternoon."
"Sir?"
"You made insinuating comments about my interest in looking at a certain property. You also said that I was scouting the area," grumbled Mr Black.
"I did not," I said indignantly, hoping I wouldn't get into trouble for being impudent. "I remarked on how lovely the architecture of London is. I'd never seen such ornate property before and Mr Black seemed to be showing a similar interest. I then commented how good it was to have a dry run; referring to the choir practice we'd just witnessed."
Mr Black coloured slightly, as he realised that he'd assumed what I actually had meant. Mr Hobson however was a fair man and burst out laughing. "I'll give you ten points for having the gall, but I can't give you anything for originality."
"What?" asked a puzzled Mr Moore.
"He used exactly the same technique on me in Paris," laughed Mr Taylor. "I'm just glad I wasn't the only one he spotted."
"David and Christopher are members of our Beta team," continued Mr Hobson. "David is very observant and spotted Mavis Brown planting a device at a school concert."
"So that's how you knew Mavis. I thought it was strange."
"I want to know what she was doing there," moaned Mr Moore. "She doesn't work in that building and should have no business there. In fact apart from the occasional researcher, that building is normally empty."
"Since Mavis planted that device at the school, she at least suspects that the school is more than it publicly appears," said Christopher, revealing our previous thoughts. "Now, with her appearing somewhere where you wanted to get some information, it appears you have a leak."
"Explain yourself!" Mr Black sat up, looking at me with deep interest.
"Since we've joined the school there have been two apparent leaks. The first involves Jessica's and Wendy's parents. The second appears to involve Mavis. Though I'm not sure how they are linked."
There was silence while everyone pondered on Christopher's thoughts. Mr Hobson broke the silence by uttering the single word, 'Russia'.
"I know Mavis specialises in Russian affairs," said Mr Black, "but how does that affect Jessica and Wendy's parents?"
"They spent a few years in Russia," informed Mr Hobson, "including the children. Jessica and Wendy both speak fluent Russian. I believe that Jessica is slightly embarrassed about that fact and has been hiding it."
"The bitch," Christopher thought out loud and then apologised when he'd realised what he'd said. The four adults just grinned at us.
"I'm sure you will have good fun, now you know the truth," laughed Mr Hobson.
"If Mavis has been tipped off," continued Mr Taylor, "then there is a leak somewhere and they are close enough to the students to have information regarding Jessica and Wendy's skill in Russian. It's a shame that the chat we had with their parents didn't help. They didn't recognise any pictures we showed them and the name they had also didn't match anybody at the school."
"You don't think Jessica and Wendy are in danger, do you?" I asked, worried for their safety.
"No, and if I did, then I would send them to one of the other schools for their safety."
'Other schools?' I thought to myself. 'Interesting.'
"Since it appears we have been compromised, I'm cancelling the planned excursion," said Mr Black. "It might make her think the information she's been given is wrong. However, we will still do the concert, so whoever is leaking the information doesn't know we are onto them." I couldn't believe they were talking so freely in front of us.
"Also the students then wouldn't think something strange was happening. I don't think you've ever cancelled a concert. Anyway it's a real shame the excursion is cancelled," said Mr Hobson, producing some rather nice large photographs. "Just after David went to all that trouble to get some nice photographs of the inside of the target."
"How did you do that?" gasped Mr Black.
"When you thought we were fooling around, we were doing two things. Firstly, we were trying to divert Mavis from thinking we were anything other than a normal rabble of school children. Secondly, I took advantage of the great angle I was in and took the pictures. I forwarded them to Mr Hobson, as I didn't know how much he wanted you to know."
"We work in partnership," said Mr Taylor. "It isn't deemed fair, or safe, to investigate in our own country, but we never stop other schools doing so and always give as much assistance as we can."
"Since the others can't know why we did what we -" started Christopher.
"You're still going to have to be seen to be punished," finished Mr Hobson, handing back our PDA's. "You will be informed of your punishment tonight. Can I come to your common room, in about thirty minutes, to inform you and the rest of the year?"
"Yes sir," we said together. My heart sank at the thought of being punished, though I knew it had to be done.
We slowly made our way to the common room. Our minds ablaze with thoughts about the chat we'd just had. It seems we had been given the privilege of knowing a lot more of the goings on than usually happens. I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. There was no way that we could discuss it now, in the middle of school. It would have to wait till we got to the comfort of our rooms. There was also the impending punishment. I hope we weren't kicked out of this school and transferred to one of the other ones.
As soon as we entered the common room we were grabbed, by a bunch of students and dragged to one of the couches, demanding to know if we were going to be okay. They were worried because we'd been gone for so long.
"Listen up everyone!" called Melisa, the leader of year D. "David and Christopher did what they did for a reason. At The Manor, because we've been there longer, we know there are certain students who seem to know extra things. Since they can't tell us what's happening, we just have to accept and help as much as we can. We have learned not to query certain things. You seem to have learned that lesson a lot quicker."
"Wendy, my sister who is two years older than me, told me that David and Christopher were special students and had more information," Jessica added. "That's why we voted for them as year leaders. They do an excellent job."
"That's what I mean," continued Melissa. "Take today, I take it their behaviour isn't normally like that?"
"No," replied Paula. "The only time they have ever got into trouble before was in Paris and that didn't seem right either."
"Do you want to say anything?" Jessica asked me. "You and Christopher seem awfully quiet."
"Two reasons," answered Christopher. "How can I say anything about what you've just said, it is so laughable. The main reason is, we are waiting to hear, in about ten minutes, what our punishment shall be."
"We'll be there with you," said Anna.
"Did we miss anything else?" I asked.
"I have an appointment tomorrow morning with one of The Manor psychiatrists called Kathy Ray," Sam informed us all. "It seems that she has some knowledge on my condition, so she and Dan are going to chat with me about it and the implications. After lunch, Jessica is joining us."
"I'm glad," Christopher said, giving Sam a hug. "It's about time you had assistance. I know you're frightened of telling us, but when you are ready we will be there for you."
At the allotted time, there was a sharp knock on the door. Each different teacher had a slightly different knock and Mr Hobson's is quite distinct. What the knock didn't tell you was how many people were with him. When Clara opened the door, we saw it wasn't just Mr Hobson, but he was accompanied by Rachel.
"I'll keep this short," said Mr Hobson, as he strode into the room. "One of the duties of a year leader is to set an example to the others in that year. Today, the way David and Christopher encouraged others to misbehave was, in my mind, not in keeping with that role. Therefore, they have been removed as year leaders. I would like all of the year one students to again vote for who they think would be a good candidate to be year leader. You should vote tonight after ten, when you will be in your own rooms. The vote will close at midnight and I will notify you before breakfast tomorrow. Any questions? No? Then I wish you all a pleasant evening."
I wondered why Rachel came. She didn't seem to do much other than stand and observe. Very strange. Perhaps she was there to answer questions, if it seemed they needed to be answered by someone other than the headmaster.
Everyone had an early night and were up early the next morning, eager to get to the year room to find the details of who would be the new leader of year one. The American's were there just as early as we were. It had been unheard of for a re-election of a year leader. As we waited for Mr Hobson, Helen and I received a message on our PDAs. There would be a special meeting of the beta team tonight at half-ten. Since it was past our curfew Brenda would collect us.
"I wonder if we will be removed from that position as well," I whispered to Helen.
"I doubt it," she whispered in reply. "I doubt they would have kept us in that meeting, if that was going to happen."
I wasn't convinced, but didn't have time to voice my concerns, which was good as it wasn't really the place. Mr Hobson had knocked at the door and was being ushered in.
"Are you all sure of how you voted?" asked Mr Hobson, looking at everyone sternly.
We all nodded.
"Very well. It seems you all voted exactly the same as you did last time. Therefore, David and Helen are again both joint year leaders. It is nice to see that you have faith in them. I will see you all at breakfast."
"Thank you," was all I could say. I hadn't expected that result. "But why?"
There was a lot of shrugging of shoulders. "Don't analyse it," Melissa told us. "They obviously think highly of you."
The nodding of the others was spoilt when Lewis asked, "Can we go for breakfast now?" He was nearly drowned in cushions.
We were slightly early for breakfast, but so was the entire school. They had all heard the rumours about their being an unprecedented year leadership election and wanted to hear the results.
"It's a good job that the kitchen staff are miracle workers, or you would all have to wait for the allotted time," stated Mr Hobson. "Either that or I can ramble on for slightly longer than normal." That led to a universal groan. "Okay, yesterday, for reasons I'm not going to get into, we held a special re-election of the year one leadership. It gives me great pleasure to announce that their view of Helen and David is unchanged and they will continue as leaders. Now that's enough from me, enjoy your breakfast."
Since we finished breakfast with plenty of time before lessons, we all went off to the common room. Helen disappeared with Melissa for a while. I had an idea what they were discussing, so I kept quiet.
The day passed quickly. Neither Sam or Jessica were at lunch, but word from Becky, our psychiatrist for the day, was that things were going well.
"Do you think that Sam will ever open up to us?" Jill asked her.
"Eventually. It is very hard for Sam to trust others. Telling Jessica was very hard, but Jessica has done well. By keeping the secret, it has strengthened Sam's confidence in others. Sam is very frightened of being ridiculed and I can see why. When Sam does tell you all, then I want you to promise that you won't laugh and be open-minded. What Sam has is a real medical condition; just as others like Emma have specific medical conditions."
* * *
"So what did you do?" asked Matilda as we continued our project work that evening.
"Do?"
"To get into so much trouble during the trip to London. I've never heard of someone getting publicly hauled off to the principal's office like that."
"Helen and I got a little carried away," I explained, sticking to the official line. "How did you hear about it anyway?"
"You know me; I like to know what's happening."
"You need to be more discreet, or you will get into serious trouble," I said. Then realised how hypocritical I was being. I wasn't always discreet and yes, I kept getting into trouble, so I suppose my advice was true. "By the way, did you give Julia the complete list of hacks?"
"Um, sort of."
"Let me guess, you excluded the ones where you were successful?"
"Yeah, well I suppose what she doesn't know won't hurt her."
"Yes, but I know. I'm not going to snitch, but if we don't know that there is a security hole, then it can't be fixed."
"Yeah, but-"
"Look, if you don't tell them now and it's found out later, you will be bigger trouble."
"I did all the reports, I just didn't give Julia all of them," she replied in a shaky voice.
"Look, send them now and see how long it takes for her to get here," I smiled, knowing how Julia would react. Oh, how I wished I could see her face when she got the new reports.
"You're kidding? She wouldn't come here now, would she?"
"If she thinks there is a security hole, she will. Anyway, let's see if we can get this box hacked before she does, at least that might distract her."
Somehow, I think Matilda's middle name is trouble. She doesn't look for it, but whenever something is happening, she seems to be in the centre of it. Some of the trouble, such as the hacking, she brings upon herself. Other times, it sounds like she is drawn to it. If she learns to control her inquisitiveness, then I'm sure she will go far.
It didn't take Julia long to appear. Her face didn't look happy, but on the other side, her poker face didn't show any anger either.
"Matilda, I've just got the rest of your reports. Have you been over them with David?"
"No, he knows about them, but you're the only one who's seen them."
"Some of these happened yesterday while you were in London. I've checked the log and there was nothing from your PDA."
Matilda gave a small smile. "I didn't use the PDA I was issued when I arrived. I used my PDA, which has a link back to The Manor. I was able to use tools I'd written on my server there."
"Your server?"
She nodded shyly.
"I take it nobody else knows about this box?"
"Only RJ and Mr Moore." Julia's face didn't change, but just stared at Matilda through narrowed eyes.
"I can see that I need to have a long chat with RJ. Since you've had so much fun with the live servers, I presume you've finished the test I gave you?"
It was my turn to give a small smile, as I pressed the send button on my PDA with the solution.
"Well done," Julia said as she scanned the results. "I didn't expect you to do it this quickly. I will be setting you something new at your next lesson. Now scoot and have time with your years."
"Do you think I've got away with it?" Matilda asked me, as we walked back from the classroom area.
"I very much doubt it. As far as I can gather, you are given a lot more freedom than you would at a normal school, as they want to encourage you to learn. However, there are limits to what is allowed. You have come clean, so I doubt they will try and lock you out of the system. Heck, sometimes it is better to have someone with your skills testing and enhancing things. Anyway, I'm sure they wouldn't have much more to say than yesterday, when you were told off."
"It's not nice being in trouble."
"No, it isn't," I confirmed. "It hurts even more when you have to take the blame for something you shouldn't."
"Why would you do that?" asked a shocked Matilda.
"Because sometimes it isn't good for everyone to know what's going on."
"Was yesterday one of those times?"
"Yes and also once before. You know a lot more than you should and that knowledge has to be guarded. Before lunch on Monday, you mentioned a series of names who you thought would be good to go to London. I presume you didn't choose those names by accident."
"No."
"How much do you know?"
"According to Ellen, too much. Am I in more trouble?"
"Look, it was a discreet way for you to tell me that you knew certain things and definitely a lot more subtle than I was with Mr Black today."
Matilda stopped and looked at me in shock. "You didn't tell him what you suspected, did you?" she whispered. "Even I'm not stupid enough to do that."
"Not directly, but enough for him to know what I knew, but subtly enough not to get hung."
"So what did you get into trouble for?"
"Saving Mr Black's neck."
"Thanks for telling me," said Matilda. "I never thought about having to sacrifice myself to save someone else. I guess I'm too young for things like that."
"I think I'm too young," I sighed. "However, I'm just as nosey as you are and have got myself involved in certain things. Enjoy yourself while you can and don't grow up before you have to."
"Aren't you happy here, doing what you do?"
"Yes, I'm happy. I'm glad I'm doing what I am. I can make a difference, which I never could in my previous school. Do you miss your old school?"
"You're joking, right?" exclaimed Matilda in horror. "I was bullied at school and abused by my father at home. Going to The Manor saved my life, literally."
'Abused?' I thought to myself. I was unsure what she meant by that or by the school literally saving her life, so I thought I better not ask without finding out more details. My thoughts turned to what Julia had asked the other day, "Do you find it hard seeing your mum and her not being able to be your mum?"
"There's a good reason for that," instantly said Matilda, in what sounded a very well rehearsed phrase. "I'm not any worse off than any other student."
"That's untrue. You see your mum at school and are reminded everyday of what you've lost. So, back to my original question, do you find it hard?"
"I found it harder telling my mum not to visit me in hospital, because Mary-Beth's parents wouldn't visit her. Mary Beth really missed her family and it was just hurting her more for her to see me having a good time."
"You're avoiding the question," I pointed out, not wanting her to avoid the point. I also didn't know much about her past and was worried that a wrong phrase would upset her.
"YES, ALRIGHT, I MISS MY MUM!" she yelled, starting to cry. "It hurts me when I see her walk by, knowing we can't even give each other a hug. I remember the look on her face as I went off to the school, knowing that we would be apart and not able to tell me. The school has given me so much, but at what price? Mum was so supportive when she found out about me. She helped me, even when my Dad had threatened her and she didn't really know where to turn. Yes David, I really miss her ... I miss her so very, very-"
'Oh crap, what have I uncovered here?' I thought, as Matilda collapsed onto the floor and burst into tears. We were still in the classroom block, so I picked her up and carried her into one of the discussion rooms. It wasn't as comfortable as a year common room, but at least it wasn't as austere as one of the standard classrooms.
I grabbed my PDA and quickly made a call. "Helen, I'm in room D3 with Matilda from year B. We were discussing about her mum working at her school and not being able to see her. I think she's been bottling this up, as she broke down in floods of tears."
"Do you want me to contact Rachel?"
"No, I want to keep this quiet. Matilda would probably be embarrassed and I've no idea what her mum's reaction would be. Can you have a quiet word with Jill and Erika and see if they can come and talk about their experiences?"
"It might work," agreed Helen. "I'll see what I can do. If not, I'll be down myself."
There was no need for Helen to make that last promise, as I was sure that Jill would come. I didn't really know Erika, but she was a friend of Jill and that was a good enough inkling that she would turn up.
"It's okay, Matilda," I said, as I sat next to her and took her into my arms. "If it's any consolation I miss my family too. We weren't much of a family, neither of my parents could cook, but we loved each other. I can only imagine how it must be for you."
Matilda nodded and continued to sob, getting my top wet. I didn't have to wait too long, as two breathless girls came quietly into the room.
"Matilda," I said gently. "You probably already know Erika. I would like you to meet Jill, who it looks as if she broke several school rules by getting here this quickly. Erika and Jill share something with you. They also have parents who work at the schools. They understand what it's like to see their parents and be reminded of their separation."
"I have Julia for computer classes," started Jill, taking my position next to Matilda and taking her into her arms.
"Let me know how it goes," I said quietly to Erika, as Jill talked with Matilda.
"You better warn her psychiatrist, just in case," murmured Erika back. "I don't know who it is, but Jenny, their year leader should."
I tiptoed out of the room and found Helen waiting with Melissa. "Melissa, do you know Jenny in year B?"
"Of course. I'll introduce you now. Jenny will deal with telling Mary Beth. Knowing how close Mary Beth and Matilda are, she will take this very hard and will probably kick up a fuss if she doesn't see Matilda this very instant."
"Hang on a second," I said, quickly pressing buttons on my PDA. If Matilda could be naughty then so could I. "Okay, it seems Matilda has Ellen as her psychiatrist."
"David!" scolded Helen. She, like all students, knew that the student's psychiatrist wasn't shown on the information screen.
I smiled when we got to the year B common room. It was an area which had been part of the old dining room area, which wasn't needed when they built the bigger dining area. It would be interesting to see what it was like.
Melissa knocked and the door was gently opened. "Aloha," the boy at the door greeted.
"Hi Howard, can you ask Jenny to come out for a few minutes?"
"Sure Melissa, just a moment," he replied closing the door behind him.
The door soon opened again and a young girl with a shining smile appeared.
"Hi Melissa," she said as she closed the door behind her. "Howard said you wanted me?"
"Jenny, meet David and Helen. They are year one team leaders. David needs to update you on something."
"Matilda broke down a few minutes ago. We were chatting about how she misses her mother and how it hurts to see her around the school."
"I had never thought about that," said Jenny. "It must be awful for her. Where is she now? With Ellen?"
"No, she's with Erika and Jill. I'm sure you know Erika. Jill is in year one. Julia, the computer studies teacher here is one of Jill's parents. Since Erika and Jill have similar experiences to Matilda, I've left them chatting about it."
"We were not expecting Matilda to be back for a while, knowing she was working on a project, so Mary Beth will not be worried. At least not yet."
"I'll let Ellen know, just in case," I added.
"Good idea," Jenny replied. "I will keep all of year B busy, so that nobody notices."
With everything in place, Jenny disappeared and I failed to get more than a glimpse of what the year B room looked like. "Thanks for the intro, Melissa. Could you update Anna and Martha while we see Ellen?"
"Be happy to," Melissa replied, giving a small wave as she disappeared.
I quickly pulled up Ellen's name in the contact list and pressed the dial button. As I waited for her to answer, I gave a quick prayer that she wouldn't be upset, or cause more issues.
"Ellen, sorry to disturb you," I said as she answered. There was no need to let her know who I was, as her PDA would tell her who was calling. "I was wondering, is it okay if I come and have a chat with you?"
"Sure, David" she replied. "I'm in my office and have nobody with me. Is now okay with you?"
"That's perfect. I'll be there in a few minutes."
"Do you want me to come with you?" asked Helen after I'd ended the call.
"I suppose it will save me having to repeat what happened," I said trying to smile. "Before you left the common room, were Sam and Jessica back?"
"Yes, they got back about half an hour ago."
"And?"
"Sam wanted to wait till you were back so that everyone got the information at the same time."
"I suppose that makes sense."
The PDA guided us to Ellen's office and nervously I knocked. I'd not had much to do with the American psychiatrists, so I was slightly nervous at how they would react. Were they stricter than our friendly UK ones?
"Come in."
I opened the door and found it was laid out slightly different from the ones I'd been in before. Perhaps this replicates how they have the rooms at Immigration Manor.
"Have a seat," Ellen said showing us the comfy settee. "I was quite surprised when you asked for this meeting, as I'd have expected you to see Rachel if you had a problem. So what can I do for the two of you?"
"I thought it was important that I update you on one of your students," I explained. "Helen is here for moral support."
"I don't bite," Ellen laughed. "Okay, so which of my students is in trouble this time?"
"No trouble, but it's Matilda. We were talking about her mother and if she found it difficult being a student and not being allowed to see her mother, even though they are at the same school."
"Where is Matilda now?" asked Ellen quickly and calmly, but with some urgency. "You haven't left her alone, have you?"
"Of course not," I replied a bit indignantly. "Jill and Erika are with her. As you know Erika's Dad works at The Manor, and Jill is the child of Ms Toms, the computer studies teacher here."
"You have an interesting way of phrasing things to explain the facts, but hide things that might not want to be said," observed Ellen. "It's okay. I know of Ms Toms condition, but why did you say child instead of daughter."
"Jill was born Bill, but has a medical condition where the body has selective insensitivity to male hormones. Jill has male parts and doesn't want to get rid of them, but has a very feminine look. Jill lives as female, as she finds it easier to pass that way."
"That explains a few things, thank you. So you thought the shared experiences of Jill and Erika might help Matilda?"
"I hope so," I replied. "Ms Toms had mentioned the other day that she'd spoken about introducing Matilda to Jill and Erika. I thought that the shared experience would be the least embarrassing to Matilda. It also helps reinforce the 'students look out for each other' mentality to Jill, who's only been here for six months."
"You handled the situation well," praised Ellen. "Let me just send a message to Jill and Erika, letting them know I'm available, 'if needed; ... there, that's done. Is there anything else?"
"I hope Matilda didn't get into too much trouble over the choir incident. She didn't mean to cause harm. She just needs to learn to think of the consequences."
"That's one of the things we've been trying to teach her, though it is being done carefully. As you said, she has a lot of talent and we don’t want to destroy that."
"When she's ready, she'll be an excellent member to your team."
"Stop fishing," hissed Helen, elbowing me.
"In some ways you're as bad as Matilda," giggled Ellen.
"Though you obviously understood what I was saying. Matilda also mentioned something about being abused by her father. Was she exaggerating?"
Ellen paused for a moment, as if deciding whether to tell us anything. Finally, "No, I'm afraid not. After what he did, he'll be in prison for twenty-five years. There is more to it, but I'm afraid that's all I can tell you. It wasn't a very nice time for Matilda, her mother, or any of the other children."
"Oh. Matilda seems such a sweet girl. She doesn't deserve to have memories like that. Nor do any other children who are abused. It doesn't matter to me if they are transsexual, gay, straight or from the planet Zob. Nobody deserves to have to live with that. Children are supposed to be innocents."
"Yet we aren't allowed to be innocents," I continued. "We are encouraged to work harder than other children and are trained to put ourselves in danger."
"If you feel that way, perhaps you should talk to Rachel or Mr Hobson., but as far as I've seen, you play a lot harder than other children do."
"I don't really feel grieved," I backtracked. "Nobody has ever told me that we had to study at the level we do, it just feels right for us all to learn to our potential. I was never allowed to do my best at my old school. As for the additional training, I'm happy about that as well. I've no idea why, but it feels right."
"Before we go back to the common room, was Kathy able to help Sam?" asked Helen.
"Yes, it seems the discussion she had with Sam was very much an eye opener for Dan. It was also a great help for Jessica."
"Is there anything we can do to help?"
"Just be there for Sam, and Jessica. This is very difficult for both of them. In some ways, it is distracting Jessica from her own issues. When you first saw Jessica dressed, was she passable?"
"I suppose not," said Helen thoughtfully.
"Did you laugh at her, or ridicule her?"
"Of course not! But what has that to do with Sam? Sam looks like a girl when dressed as a girl, and looks like a boy when dressed as a boy."
"What I'm saying is, just treat Sam as Sam wants to be treated and don't ridicule. That is the best thing you can do."
As we walked back to our common room with those words of advice ringing in our ears, we pondered their meaning. What was wrong with Sam?
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David/Jayne learns more about the school in action, and other things which cause more questions.
by Karen Page
Part 29
"Oh God, I'm never going to be ready," I moaned as we dashed into our rooms just before our curfew. We'd spent far too long chatting in the common room after the talk with Ellen. "Can't I just go like this?"
"No you can't," refused Helen. "It's Brenda getting us, so if you go as David you would be the only boy. Now go and hit the shower. You'll be ready in time."
At half past ten there was a quiet knock on the door, which Helen answered. It had been a bit of a rush, but I was just brushing my hair when Brenda came through the door.
"Ah, good, you're both ready. Jayne, it's great that you've made the effort. Let's go."
We stopped to pick up Fran and Ingrid before continuing our journey. I thought we would have been going somewhere in the minibus again, but we headed towards the cinema stairs instead. I glanced at Fran and Ingrid, wondering if they knew where we were going, but they looked as bewildered as I felt.
As we descended the stairs to the basement, I began to wonder if we were going to watch a movie about the Russian mission, but Brenda did something I didn't expect. About half way down the stairs was a light fitting attached to the low sloping ceiling. Brenda placed the palm of her hand against the light and it flashed green before returning to its normal appearance.
Helen and I glanced at each other wondering what was going on.
At the bottom of the stairs, we normally follow the passage towards the cinema. However, where there was normally only one direction we could go, there was now an additional possibility. A wall had disappeared, revealing a secret entrance and area of Hayfield Hall.
While we were walking down the new dimly lit passageway, I glanced behind and saw the wall had reappeared, blocking our exit. We went through another door entering a vast area with computers humming, large tables and several doors that probably led to offices.
"Nice room," commented Ingrid, looking around.
"This is one heck of a secret," added Fran.
"Yes, so no blabbing," teased Ingrid, poking her in the side.
"As if I'd do such a thing!"
"So where's Stacy?" Helen asked.
"She'll be here in a moment," answered Brenda, guiding us to one of the large planning tables. "She's collecting the American Beta team. In the meantime please pass me your normal school PDAs and I'll dish out the beta ones."
As the beta PDAs were being dished out, a chiming sound was heard.
"What was that?" I asked.
"It's a warning that someone has opened the door to this area," said Brenda, looking at her beta PDA. "It was Stacy's handprint that opened it, so she's probably here with the others."
Sure enough, Stacy walked into the open area, followed by eight of the American students. For a fleeting minute, I wondered if Matilda would be one of them, but then chastised myself for being silly. She was too young, and too immature, but I was sure she would be a formal member before long. In the meantime, I was sure she did unofficial background tasks. There was no doubt in my mind that she knew about the beta team. I looked at the team and noticed that Ruth and Michelle from year D were part of the team. I wondered how Melissa coped, with two of the year sometimes knowing more than she did.
"Okay everyone, listen up," said Stacy, as she and the Americans joined us at the large table. "I'd like to introduce you to Kriss. She is The Manor's head girl and Beta One. I'll let her introduce her team. "
"Hi y'all, this is my partner Janet. Over there we have Angel and Kimberly from year G, Phyllis and Shelly from year E and Ruth and Michelle from year D. We all came as our female selves, as I'm told that's what you normally do. Now Stacy, would you be kind enough to introduce your team?"
"Sure. We have Brenda, Fran, Ingrid, Helen and Jayne. It is optional to be an all female team, but so far it seems to have worked. There is one member of my team who is still unsure about presenting as female and if they are still unsure about going abroad as female, then they will go as male. I won't force anybody to be something they aren't happy being."
"Have you ever had to go into action?" Angel asked, as Brenda swapped The Manor's PDAs for beta versions.
"No," answered Stacy. "We've never officially had to go into action during a field trip and I hope we never have to. If we do, then something will have gone wrong with the Alpha team, which won't be good. Yourselves?"
"Again not on a field trip," answered Kriss, "though we've been involved twice unofficially. One was a local issue that cropped up a few months after Matilda joined the school. The other was a few years ago, when a student leaked information about the school. The beta team was very busy then, helping evacuate the school and making sure everyone was safe. I'm not going to go into the details now, but if you want to know more then ask Jayne or Helen. They are both aware of most of the details of the second incident. This is the first time we've worked with someone outside our school so closely, though we once did a small something at Wardenclyffe. Since we are at your school as guests, we will come under your authority for the beta team."
"Wardenclyffe?" I thought aloud.
"It's a S.P.A." absently responded Kriss, as if I'd understand.
'S.P.A.?' I thought to myself. 'It must be some form of initials for the schools, but what does it stand for? This certainly seems bigger than I thought.'
There were a lot of blank looks with the mention of S.P.A., so I presume that it wasn't a widely known acronym. Heck, three letter acronyms were the bane of my life when using computers, and now I had another one which I didn't understand the meaning off. Matilda knew I was in the Beta team, yet she'd made no reference to any incident which they'd helped with.
"This is just a quick meeting," said Stacy, interrupting my thoughts as she took charge. "I wanted you all to know who each other was, just in case the worst happens in Moscow. I also need to give some information to you all. It was decided yesterday that the American Alpha team will be attending the concert instead of sightseeing. However, everything is still as scheduled for the trip to Russia."
"What was the reason for the change of plan in London?" asked Angel.
Stacy glanced at Kriss, who gave a short nod. "The target had a lot more activity than was expected, or was usual. The information that would have been gathered is now going to be acquired a different way. It appears there is a leak somewhere, but it has been verified that it isn't a student. So please don't share what I'm about to tell you with anybody. Understood?"
There were mutterings of yes all around the table. Brenda opened another drawer and took out a large map, which she opened and spread across the table.
"On the map you will see marks showing the location of the hotel, concert and alpha target," said Stacy, pointing to locations on the map. "Have a good look and try to familiarise yourself with the surrounding areas. Your Beta PDAs should have building information, so you can get more of an idea. I'd like you to spend the next hour cross-referencing things in your mind against the map and PDA. Also please chat between the two schools to get to know each other. I hope to hold more of these get-togethers so we can get to know each other."
"So you're THE Jayne and Helen," said Kriss, as I worked with Helen looking on the map at various different buildings, streets and areas.
"THE Jayne and Helen?" I queried without looking up. This sounded too much like our first few days here. Were Helen and I always going to be seen as different?
"The pair who found out too much information on their first day. The pair who helped in the capture of an escaped paedophile. I also hear you spotted Mavis Brown trying to bug the school."
"But that shouldn't make us stand out," I protested, my face getting slightly hot with embarrassment.
"We did nothing that any others here wouldn't do. I'm sure that others at Hayfield and The Manor have done things like we have," added Helen.
"Kriss, they don't get it," said Stacy. "So it's no use going on about it. Anyway, I've heard one of your younger students is equally as bright."
"If you are referring to Matilda, then she will be the death of me," groaned Kriss, theatrically putting her hands on her heart. The others from The Manor just giggled, including her partner.
Over the next hour, I learnt a lot about the area in Moscow where we would be staying and visiting. Of course, none of that could be shared with others from the year.
As we were clearing away, Helen and I managed to get to chat with Ruth and Michelle. After exchanging a few pleasantries I asked, "How does it work, with one or both of you not being year leaders? Doesn't that make things difficult?"
"Oh, for sure," Ruth answered. "But Mel and Jamie are just so great. As Mel said yesterday, they are aware we know more and they listen if we suggest something. However, it is only in the last year that the beta team has become more involved. Before then, I'm told, we were only told things just before we went away. Now we are more involved, like today. This is the first year that we have been involved in the beta team. I'm told they don't like to use people below year D and that even involving someone our age was questioned."
"I suppose when the year leaders were chosen, it was too early to have known you would be beta members," Helen thought out loud.
"It was even too early for us to know," agreed Michelle. "However, I think the principal had already earmarked us, as he had us learning extra things almost from day one."
"Are you okay with that?" I asked. "Don't you feel manipulated?"
"A little, I suppose," Ruth bit her bottom lip in thought. "At the time I started at the school. I wasn't ready to learn some of the things I now know. I was too young. At Hayfield, you started at the school this year, so you're a lot older. Would you have been ready three years ago?"
"I suppose not," I accepted. Helen nodded in agreement.
"One last thing before we go," said Stacy, after locking away all the Beta PDAs and giving us our normal ones back. "Tomorrow, during the evening meal, the field trip will be announced. We will be going on Friday the thirtieth."
We all went silently down the corridor, where there was a green light shining and the door opened for us. Stealthily, we made our way back to our room, not wanting to wake the sleeping students and let them know we'd been out past curfew.
Once in our rooms, we changed and quickly went to sleep, our dreams filled with thoughts of Moscow and the trip that we knew too much about.
***
"What are you dressed like that for?" queried Helen, when she saw me dressed as David.
"Well duh, if I turn up as Jayne, the others will smell a rat. They know I'm only Jayne when I need to be."
"So what will you do? I thought you'd decided to be Jayne when we go away."
"I have. Primarily, because it will mean I can be in the same bedroom as you. I'd hate to have to be without you. Anyway, I've heard that Lewis snores louder than you."
"Oi! That’s not fair," she complained, trying to grab me. I ran away from her long arms, laughing and she gave chase, eventually trapping me on my bedroom sofa.
"What have you two been up to?" grinned Emma, as we got to the year common room, just before they all left for breakfast.
"Nothing," I replied, trying to sound innocent.
"Well, both your clothes are crumpled," pointed out Emma. "I'm sure they don't get put in your wardrobes like that. Helen's doesn't look too bad, but yours..."
"Er, lets go get breakfast," Helen responded, trying to straighten up her clothes.
"I never thought you were going to get here," said Rachel as we sat down.
"Sorry, we got delayed," I said. We waited for morning announcements, but none came. The bell rang, signalling the hot breakfasts were ready to be fetched.
"David, your clothes look rather crumpled," remarked Rachel, as we started to eat.
"I bet Jayne is a lot neater," jumped in Ruth.
"Yes, we've not seen much of Jayne," added Michelle.
"You might lose the skill," added Helen, a twinkle in her eyes.
"Okay," I sighed, putting my hands up. "I don't want to go round looking like I've slept in my clothes, so after breakfast I will change. Do you really want me to be Jayne?"
"Yes," came the universal response from everyone at the table.
"David," said Rachel, her face suddenly very serious. "If you aren't happy to be Jayne, you don't have to. You could just go and put on some other male clothes. No one in this school is going to be forced to be someone they aren't happy being."
I knew that Ruth, Michelle and Helen were only trying to give me an excuse so I could be Jayne without arousing suspicion. I'm pretty sure that Rachel knew about the timing of the field trip, so I was pretty surprised about Rachel's comment.
"I'm okay being Jayne," I reassured Rachel. "I spent the whole of the last field trip as Jayne, so what difference will one day make?"
"If you make that choice, then that is fine, but I'm not having anybody being forced to dress in something they aren't comfortable with."
"Ruth, Michelle and Helen didn't ask me to dress as Jayne, they just prodded me. I made the choice, knowing full well the consequences."
"Consequences?" asked Anna.
Rachel raised an eyebrow and I gave her an acknowledging smile. She knew what I was talking about. "Consequences," I replied, trying to think how to explain it. "You might try to persuade me more often."
"We won't do that," said Jill and Anna together.
"No," cried out the others on the table.
So after breakfast, I rushed up to my room and, with a resigned sigh, swapped clothes for female ones. Was this really my choice? I think so. Sure, there were plenty of reasons to go as Jayne. Stacy preferred an all girl team, but knew my issues and did say I didn't have to and even said so last night. No, I was doing this for me, or well probably for us. I'm sure Helen won't mind having me around as Jayne for just over three weeks.
As I left my bedroom, my PDA pinged, signalling an update to my schedule. Oh joy, Rachel wanted to have a discussion with me at eleven.
I got to my first lesson, just as the others were sitting down. "Ah Jayne, good of you to join us," said Mrs Russell.
"Er, thanks," I said, sitting next to Helen.
"Are you okay?" Helen asked, knowing the consequences of me being Jayne.
"I'm fine. Rachel has scheduled me to see her at eleven."
"Do you want me to come?"
"Nah, I should be okay. I'll tell you about it later."
Melissa, the head of year D, was looking at me strangely as I sat down, so I asked Helen, "Is something wrong with the way I look? Melissa is looking at me like I've got two heads or something."
"You're fine. She is just probably trying to work out why you so easily agreed to be Jayne."
"How are you finding the joint practices?" Mrs Russell asked a very packed classroom. Perhaps we should have been taking separate lessons or knocked the walls down. The room wasn't over full, and was more like a class before I joined Hayfield. I missed the space and intimacy of such a small class.
"It's certainly different, having a bigger orchestra," answered Melissa.
"A good or bad difference?" asked Mrs Russell.
"Not good or bad, just different. The music certainly comes across a lot richer and it gives more scope for the singers. Well, that's my opinion anyway."
"All opinions are valid. Anybody else?"
"Playing with a choir is also different," I added after a moments thought. "We have something else to consider when playing. If there is quiet singing with a soloist, you wouldn't want to drown them out with the accompaniment. Also the soloists have a bit of freedom to waver from a strict beat, so we need to listen more."
"Very good," nodded Mrs Russell. "As Roberta and Lewis are conducting, it gives me a better opportunity to listen to individual players and singers. Both schools didn't gel well at the first practice, but you have all been getting better. All I ask is you be considerate, just like the string players at Hayfield were when we did the Mozart at the last concert."
"That was very strange, playing so closely with other people. I suppose these are just skills we will learn with practice."
"And learn you shall do. However, enough of the practical, I will leave that for tonight's practice. For now, we need to turn to a bit of theory and what better way than to pull apart the two pieces you are currently playing. Has anybody heard the term 'recapitulation' in relationship to music?"
Everyone shook their heads.
"Oh dear," sighed Mrs Russell, in an overly dramatic way. "It looks like I've got no helpers, so I'll have to do all the teaching myself. Isn't life so unfair?!"
We all giggled at her attempt at humour. However, things soon settled down and we started learning about how musical themes develop and get manipulated.
"What's going on?" asked Melissa, after the lesson had finished. I'd only just stepped out of the door when she pulled me to one side. The rest of the year just carried on, knowing we would catch up. Private chats like this weren't uncommon. When someone noticed something wrong, they talked to the person in private. Nobody ever made an attempt to find out what was said. It was private and only got escalated if it needed to be, such as it affecting other students or their health.
"What do you mean, what's going on?"
"With you being Jayne. I'm aware of how you prefer to be David, but you seemed to be very easily persuaded to be Jayne, instead of just putting on other male clothes that weren't wrinkled."
"It's good to have the practice," I replied, rather lamely.
"I'm aware that Helen likes you this way, but is it really what you want?"
"In this case, it is," I smiled.
"I'm not convinced, but you seem very sure. Are you aware of something I'm not?"
"Probably, but it's probably best that you don't ask."
"Ah, then I won't. I'm used to Ruth and Michelle, but I don’t have your subtle hints down yet. Is there going to be a special announcement later?"
I gave her a smile, followed by a wink. Melissa wasn't stupid and had quickly bracketed me with the other Beta's. I wondered how much she knew.
All too quickly the languages lesson started and finished and I found my footsteps making their way towards Rachel's office. I felt a bit sad that Helen wasn't with me, as it was nice to have support during these visits. Obviously, Rachel mustn't have thought I needed Helen's support, or she would have made it a joint meeting; so perhaps it wasn't going to be too bad.
"Come in," called Rachel, as I was about to knock on the door.
"Monitoring me?" I queried, as I entered.
"No, I heard the sound of you approaching. Your heels make a very distinctive clunk. Now come and sit on the settee, there are a few things we need to discuss."
I sat on the settee and waited. I was tempted to try and explain why I was going as Jayne, but waited to be asked. I was fairly sure that Rachel knew about the beta team, but wasn't one hundred percent. One thing I'd learnt was that discretion was very important, so I just waited for her to tell me why she wanted me to see her.
"Thanks for coming," she eventually said. "There are few things I want to chat with you. First off, let's discuss about this morning. You can be as open as you want to be, nothing you say will leave this room. I know you are aware that tonight the trip will be announced and you will be forced to be Jayne for the field trip. So why choose Jayne over David?"
Rachel had laid a lot of cards on the table. She had told us on the first day that we would be doing extra things which had to be a secret. I also knew that she was the psychiatrist for all the Hayfield beta members. I wouldn't be surprised if she was also the psychiatrist covering the alpha team.
"Stacy prefers her team to be all female," I responded, hoping that Rachel's knowledge was limited.
"No, Stacy had said that if you weren't happy with being Jayne for the trip, then you could be David."
Damn, she certainly knew about certain things. Oh well, I suppose the truth will have to do. "I don't want to sleep alone."
"Alone? Others will be in the room with you."
"I don't want to be away from Helen," I muttered, thoroughly embarrassed. "We were separated once before and you know how much it hurt us. I don't want that to occur while we are away."
"You know, this is only a trip for a few days, don't you? It isn't like the trip to France, where that was also a holiday. This is purely a single concert and to see a few tourist things."
"Our punishment was only for a few days," I reminded her. "I also don't think it is fair that we get to know up-front about tonight, and others don't."
"Just have a look at lunch. Rumours spread very quickly and most people will be how they want to be by lunch. The remainder will get the obvious message and be how they want to be before the announcement. The students look after each other. Hayfield year-one is lucky that their pairings, apart from yours, are based on the appearance of same gender. Can you honestly say you haven't dropped any hints to Immigration Manor's year D? Or that Ruth or Michelle won't?"
I just smiled.
"Fair enough," she smiled back. "How do you feel, having chosen to be Jayne for just over the next three weeks?"
"I'm fine," I replied, a bit bluntly and then decided I should expand on why. "I feel a lot more in control than I did when the field trip was announced for France. I know that for the duration of my time at Hayfield, Jayne will be a part of me and it will certainly give me more insight to the way females live."
We chatted for the next ten minutes about it before Rachel changed the topic. "I had a conversation late last night with Ellen Hansen. It seems you went to see her regarding Matilda."
"Yes," I acknowledged, puzzled that she would bring this up.
"First, let me say that you did well. You saw a student in pain and couldn't help them yourself, so you got help from students you thought might be able to help. You informed the relevant year leader, so there would be year support. Finally, you then got help from the relevant Psychiatrist, just in case it was needed. That was all good, but you did one major thing wrong."
"I did?"
"Yes, you abandoned the problem. You should have gone back to make sure all was okay. Matilda had opened up to you and you just passed the problem to others, instead of being there for her. If you'd had to miss the beta meeting, Stacy would have understood. Heck if she thought you'd put that meeting over another students welfare, she would have been very upset."
"I didn't put it over Matilda's welfare," I complained. "I didn't think there was anything more I could do."
"Well Erika and Jill did help, but not fully. It was Erika who very quickly came up with the solution, Rachel from year A."
"How did Rachel help?"
"It is something that separates Matilda from Jill and Erika. Matilda's sister, Rachel, is also a student at the school. Matilda has a lot of support from her year, so it wasn't an issue this time that you weren't there, but in future-"
"I understand, at least I think I do," I murmured, after a moment's contemplation. "I guess I've a lot to learn."
"Yes you do, but at least you understand that and you do make the effort. Life isn't easy, but if you take everything that this school can offer you, you will learn a lot more about life over the next five years. You have a rare talent which you might not fully understand yet, but hopefully you will start to grasp the roots of that talent. Whether you decide to take things forward is up to you."
This conversation was getting a bit heavy, but I had an opportunity to chat freely with Rachel and my curiosity was still piqued from last night. "Rachel, I know it's wrong to ask too much, but do you know what S.P.A. stands for?"
"Yes I do."
I felt slightly frustrated at not telling me more, but I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything else. "mmm...Understood. One other thing, what's Wardenclyffe?"
"Now, isn't it time you got back to Helen? I know she will want an update."
"Yes, Rachel," I said, getting up out of the settee.
"Oh, Jayne," called Rachel, as I headed towards the door. "Remember, Sam needs your support. I hope you remember that, when the time comes."
Dr Ruiz walked back to her desk and I knew my appointment was over, so I walked slowly back to the year common room, contemplating what Rachel meant about Sam. This was the second warning to be supportive to Sam in two days.
Synopsis:
A problem shared is a problem halved.
Story:
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 30
Afternoon lessons were a bit of a revelation. We had Mr Yates for PE, which today meant rifle shooting. We'd met in the classroom, wearing our shooting clothes.
"The Hayfield students have been doing this for five months now, so it is time we do a formal assessment on how you are doing. I hear that the Immigration Manor students have also been working on rifle work, so let's see how you all are performing. Oh," he paused and gave hearty chuckle. "Let this be a competition between the two schools. The highest average total over the three sections will be the winner. Melissa, what are the three positions in rifle shooting?"
"Prone, standing and kneeling," she rattled off.
"Good," he nodded. "It seems your teacher has been doing well."
"Out front should be two minibuses, so let's get to the range."
When we reached the minibuses, we all piled in. Paula was driving one and Ruth was going to drive the American's.
"Ah," exclaimed Ruth as she got in. "This is a stick shift!"
"A what?" Brian queried.
"It has manual transmission. You know, one where you've got to change gears yourself. Generally in America we have what you call automatics."
"Are you okay to drive?" asked Mr Yates.
"Oh sure, it was just a surprise that's all. It will be good practice."
I only heard her grind the gears once, so I suppose she didn't do too badly. Ruth followed Paula and we were soon at the building hidden behind a thicket of trees. Both schools were about equal in skill, and at the end of the lesson, Immigration Manor just edged over Hayfield Hall.
Michelle was a very good shot, but Ruth was awful. She tried hard, but you could tell that rifles weren't her main skill. Helen and I did well, but we weren't the best, that honour lay with Michelle from the American school and Brian from the home team.
"Jayne," said Mr Yates. "Can you please help me lock away the rifles?"
"Sure," I answered, taking two of the rifles to be locked away. Mr Yates had taken the remaining two. For the first time since starting rifle lessons, someone other than Mr Yates entered the armoury.
"On your PDA, you should see a menu for the armoury," mentioned Mr Yates. "Please make sure you can access it."
I did as requested and sure enough, it was where Mr Yates mentioned. "I've found it."
"Excellent. Now store the weapons and place the locking bar over them."
Under his watchful eyes, I put the rifles away and placed the locking bars over them and they locked. "They're locked."
He checked over my work and nodded in satisfaction. "Okay, now on your PDA you should see they are locked."
"Yes," I responded after checking.
"Right, now use the unlock feature on the PDA to unlock them."
I clicked on unlock and provided my thumbprint to verify that I indeed wanted to unlock the selected rack. I remove the bar to prove it had worked.
"Good, you now know what to do. You will never use this added functionality in one of my classes, but I was told to give you that functionality."
"Yes sir. I won't mention it."
"I was told that would be your response. Now go and catch up with Helen, while I finish locking up."
When we got to the afternoon music practice, I was sure that the announcement was a secret everyone knew. There were people dressed differently than lunch. I was quite upset that I'd missed this behaviour when the French trip had been announced. It might have been because there were fewer students, so things weren't as obvious. Also, I was new, and hadn't really paid attention to how people normally presented themselves.
"You all did very well," said Mrs Russell, as the rehearsal ended. "I also want to wish our American friends good luck for their concert tomorrow night."
Mutterings of 'Good Luck' from the Hayfield students echoed around the room.
"Jayne," called Stacy, coming across to me as we left the hall. "Can I have a quiet word? Helen, you don't have to go."
"Sure," I said, moving slightly down the opposite side of the corridor from the stream of departing musicians. "What's up?"
"Are you sure you're okay with going as Jayne? You know you don't have to."
"I know," I sighed, biting my bottom lip. After a moments pause I continued. Helen didn't say anything during my pause, but gently stroked my hand. "I've made my choice. I will be Jayne for this trip. I prefer to be David, but I'm not uncomfortable being Jayne. In fact, I feel no real difference when I'm dressed as Jayne or David. The only thing I don't like is when I have to be overtly masculine."
"Well, if you find it hard, then speak with me or Rachel."
"I'll keep an eye on her," promised Helen, pulling me closer.
That was one of the things I loved about this school. There was a great atmosphere of love between the students. The love Helen had for me was one type of love, but all of the students loved each other in a different way. They cared how each other felt. Oh sure there were conflicts and arguments, sometimes quite strong, but they never got out of hand. With only ten people in our year, we couldn't afford for issues to fester.
The expected announcement of the field trip occurred just before the evening meal. I don't think anybody was surprised. I was now committed to staying as Jayne for the next few weeks.
"Jayne, are you going to be okay?" asked Jill, as Mr Hobson revealed the open secret.
Didn't she realise I knew? Perhaps not, as I was the only one out of the year-one students that was affected. We hadn't known the American students long enough to notice.
"I'll be fine," I smiled. "In under a month, I'll be back as David."
"Does anybody have any questions?" asked Mr Hobson.
"How long is the trip?" asked Wendy, from year-three.
"We will be travelling on Friday the thirtieth of December and return on Monday the second of January. We will be giving one concert on New Years Day in Moscow. I believe that all the tickets have already been sold. We have a schedule of sightseeing on the Saturday and have a relaxing day of rehearsals on Sunday."
Mr Hobson started to sit down, and then quickly stood up again. "Ah, I almost forgot. From tomorrow morning, your PDA's will operate in Russian only, as will all the radios and televisions and all lessons will be conducted in Russian. For those at Hayfield that were learning Farsi, this will be a great time to polish up the Russian you've been learning unofficially."
I smiled to myself as Mr Hobson sat down. Some might have thought, 'How does he know that?', but nobody said it aloud.
"These English will never keep up with the Russian, especially that small androgynous one," said Melissa, in very rapid Russian. I mentally crossed my fingers hoping that there wouldn't be too much impact from this brazen attack.
There were many puzzled looks from some of the other students on our table. The American students looked like they understood what had been said, but couldn't understand why Melissa would lay into someone. The British students, who hadn't been speaking Russian as long as the Americans, found it difficult to follow such rapid Russian. The only Hayfield student who did follow was Jessica, who immediately responded in fluent Russian. I couldn't follow what she was saying, but she sounded rather angry and very upset.
"Wow, Jessica," Helen said in English. "I didn't realise you could speak Russian so well. You've never shown that much talent in lessons."
"I, er, well-" stuttered Jessica, trying to think of some response.
"You didn't even tell me!" fumed Sam. "I thought we had no secrets."
"We don't," insisted Jessica.
"I suppose you don't anymore," I added, trying not to smile. Perhaps adding this comment didn't help calm Jessica down.
"I'm sorry I said what I did," apologised Melissa. "I didn't mean it, but couldn't think of anything else to provoke you into speaking Russian"
Rachel sat back and watched, but didn't interrupt. The conversion had also attracted people from the nearby year-three and year F table. I suppose this was something she wanted us to sort out ourselves, since Jessica had been deliberately provoked.
"You set me up?" roared Jessica, rising to her feet. Rachel still didn't budge.
"Jessica, calm down," I soothed, noticing that the whole room had fallen silent. A major scene like this was rare, so was something interesting to watch. There was also a tinge of concern that someone would react in such a manner.
"Why should I calm down?" she said, her original male voice peeking through. "It's not nice to be set up like that."
"No, I suppose it isn't," I agreed, staying sat down and keeping my voice calm. "But is it fair what you did to us? Do you remember how we relied on Anna to help us get over our issues with French? Do you remember how it helped having someone that had actually been there?"
"I suppose," she reluctantly conceded, her face still bright red. "But that was no excuse for what was said."
"I've been learning Farsi, so my Russian isn't up to the level to know what Melissa said. However, she has apologised for what she said. Will you accept that apology?"
"Why should I accept that apology? She had no right to say what she did and she had no right to set me up."
"Jessica, you are disturbing the others," pointed out Helen. "Would you prefer to chat about this outside?"
"Oh," she said, looking around at the majority of the room looking at her. She quickly sat down, her face red with embarrassment.
"Look Jessica, we need your help," said Lewis. "Only you have the skills to assist us to get the accent correct and increase our knowledge of how things are really said, instead of how a text book says they should be said."
I was hoping she would have drawn her own conclusion, but it seemed not. "Look how much better the Americans are at Russian than we are. We didn't have someone of your skill to help us. Do you think that was fair on us, that we had to suffer because you didn't want to admit you were good?"
It must have finally started to sink in. The rest of the dining room must have realised that the issue was getting resolved and the background chatter returned.
"Are you okay?" Sam took hold of Jessica's hands.
"I feel a bit of a fool, shouting out like that, though I still feel hurt."
"It isn't the first time we've had an outburst during a meal," Rachel added, speaking for the first time since the confrontation started.
"Am I in trouble?"
"Not with me or the staff," replied Rachel. "Though you probably have some explaining to your friends."
"Really?"
"Yes, you let them struggle without any offer of help."
"Oh," said Jessica and fell silent. After a few moments thought she asked, "Rachel, why didn't you intervene?"
"Because you have to learn how to sort out your differences between yourselves. I would have given advice if you asked, or intervened if things got violent."
"This is nothing like my previous school," Jessica grumbled.
"No, it isn't, but I don't remember anybody saying it would be. Here we try to teach you differently and in ways that seem strange. You are trusted to behave and keep peace yourselves, just as if you were adults. You don't have free reign, as you aren't yet adults, but most times it helps you accept responsibility quicker."
"What if we don't want to have that responsibility? Heck, we're still children."
"Is that why you didn't want to help the others?"
"No, it's just we learn so much, so quickly. Sure, I can do the work, but it sometimes feels like my head is going to explode. It's just too much and I don't think I can cope."
"Did you ever mention this to Jayne, Helen, or Becky?"
"No."
"Why ever not? You see Jayne and Helen every day and you see Becky at least once a week. Becky is your psychiatrist; she can't help if you don't tell her things. She isn't a mind reader."
Jessica's face crumpled under the onslaught from Rachel. "I was too ashamed," she said in a weak voice. "Everyone else is doing great and I didn't want to be different."
Sam, who'd been holding Jessica's hand, changed position and pulled Jessica close.
"It's okay Jessica," I said. "None of us thinks any less of you. Rachel, we are all ahead with our academic work. Since we have the Russian trip soon, do you think you could suggest, to Mr Hobson, a break from classes till after the trip?"
"No, I think that you and Helen as year leaders ought to see Mr Hobson afterwards and suggest it. If you want, I'll come with you."
"Are you okay with orchestra practice and continuing with language lessons?" I asked Jessica.
"Oh yes, I'd hate to miss orchestra practice. That relaxes me and Russian isn't that taxing for me."
A few people laughed at that attempt at a joke. I picked up my PDA and sent two messages. The first was to Mr Hobson, requesting a meeting after the meal. The second was to Stacy, outlining what occurred and promising I'd fill her in properly later. As head student, I thought it prudent. Mr Hobson quickly responded and agreed to the meeting after the meal. I'd didn't mention it to Rachel, as I thought this was something we should do ourselves.
The rest of the meal was eaten in relative silence. Too much had happened and I felt rather guilty, as one of the instigators of pushing Jessica to reveal her Russian knowledge.
"That didn't go as well as I'd hoped," I said quietly to Melissa, as we left the dining room.
"No, it ended up a bit of a shambles," she agreed.
"Helen and I have a meeting with Mr Hobson. Will you survive with any questions that might arise?"
"Sure," she answered. "See you shortly."
As we approached Mr Hobson's office, Helen grabbed my hand. She was as nervous as I was. He was a fair man, but I was worried that we'd be told off for the outburst. His door was open and as we got close, he called us straight in.
"You wanted to see me?" he asked, after we'd all sat on the settee.
"Firstly, I'd like to apologise for the outburst during the meal."
"It happens," he said, dismissing the incident as if it was an everyday occurrence. "Is everything sorted?"
"Partly. However, there is an underlying issue, which is why we asked to see you."
I outlined the issue with Jessica and the stress she was feeling with all the workload. I put forward a suggestion of reducing the workload, until after the Russian trip.
"How do you feel about this Helen? You've sat there quietly and haven't said anything."
"Yes, we do have a large amount of school work, but I don't think it is something that we can't all cope with. Perhaps it is something, however, that we aren't used to. I remember hearing on the news about people who would get stressed at exam times and try to commit suicide."
"What do you suggest?"
"How about a course on how to manage stress and perhaps one on how to be better at planning out time, so things don't become stressful."
"Interesting ideas," said Mr Hobson sitting back and looking at us both. "Are you sure it's stress?"
"No," we said together. After a smile, Helen signalled to me. "We aren't psychiatrists, but what Jessica said, indicated it was an inability to cope. She can do the work, but isn't used to doing so much, so quickly. I'm sure Rachel will be able to give you a report to what was said and I'm sure Jessica will be seeing Becky."
As soon as I'd finished, the next question was fired at us, "Why do you think Jessica didn't speak to Becky about it?"
"Probably because she thinks it is a sign of weakness," answered Helen. "The rest of us all seem to be coping, so Jessica didn't want to seem to be the odd one out. I thought, after the suicide attempt, that she would have learnt to ask for help."
"I think from what you both have said, a small break in other studies might not be a bad idea. It will also give you more time to perfect your Russian. When you go back to your year-room, can you let them all know?"
"What about the Immigration Manor students in year D?"
"Let me just check with Mr Moore." Mr Hobson disappeared for a few minutes and returned with a grin on his face. "It is agreed. He thought it was a great idea and he's going to give year A, B and C the time off as well. It is unlikely that the American's will suffer as much, as their workload is gently ramped up from year A. However, he also wants his students to have lessons on how to deal with stress."
"Let's hope the stress management lessons aren't stressful," said Helen with a grin.
"Hey, not bad," laughed Mr Hobson. "Since you will get bored just relaxing at the school, a few outings might help. Why don't you have a word with the others and let me know.
"Yes Sir."
"One other bit of information for you both, regarding our friend in London. Her behaviour is different from what we first saw the other day. She and two colleagues have been systematically going through documents they have received from operatives in Russia."
"What's going on?"
"We aren't sure. It's like they know something is going on, but don't know what, and are trying to find out."
"Thanks for updating us."
"No problems. It only seemed fair, as you alerted us to Mavis knowing more than we thought. Please keep it to yourselves. I'll tell Stacy, but I don't want it going any further."
"Yes Sir," we said in unison.
"Er, Sir, are you aware of a plan to reveal Sam's secret? It might not be a good idea with what's happened with Jessica."
"Me?" he asked keeping a straight face. "I'm just a humble headmaster. What would I know anything about such things? However, if I hear about such a devious plot, I'll make sure it's delayed. Now, you better get back to your year-room and sort out the issues you caused."
"Just a humble headmaster," I smiled to myself as we made our way to the year room. I glanced across at Helen and had a small grin on her face. I wondered if my internal thoughts were reflected in my face.
As soon as we arrived, we were bombarded with questions. Heck, we hadn't even had time to close the door.
"Let them sit down first," ordered Melissa and Aurora together. The questions stopped.
"Thanks," I said, while being dragged to a spare settee by Helen.
"Mr Hobson was very understanding. He said that Jessica can take a break, but Sam will have to work ten times harder."
"WHAT?" half the room queried.
"Sorry," I giggled and got an elbow in my side. "I just felt in a teasing mood. Mr Hobson has agreed to us all having a break. He's going to arrange a course on stress management so that we know how to deal with stress in the future. Since we will have some spare time, we've been asked to come up some ideas for sightseeing. I don't think Mr Hobson wants us to stop learning!"
"Hey, don't you have castles here in England?" asked Wesley.
"You want to go and see a castle?" asked Emma in a shocked voice. "Why not somewhere fun, like Alton Towers?"
"What's Alton Towers?" asked Carolyn.
"It's an amusement place with lots of rides."
"Don't forget that not everyone here likes fast rides," reminded Helen.
"Oh yes, sorry."
"Don't apologise," said Sam. "There are plenty of things for me to do there, without going on the bad rides. Anyway, Alton Towers isn't open during the winter."
"Let's create a list," I said, whipping out my PDA. I hooked it up to output on the big television in the room. "Okay, take it in turn, starting with those from Immigration Manor. Tell me one thing you would like to see."
"A castle."
"Theme park."
"Buckingham Palace."
"Windsor."
"Seaside Resort."
"In this weather?" came one comment over the others.
"Well, I hear they're not like anything we have in America," Elaine said, defending herself.
"I suppose there's always Blackpool," said Brian. "That might also cover the theme park suggestion, but it's going to be quite cold this time of year."
"Let's carry on the list," I said.
"Stonehenge."
"Tate Gallery."
"Cadbury World," Erika called.
"What's that?" asked Michelle.
"It's a chocolate factory near Birmingham. I always wanted to go when I lived here, but we never had chance."
The list steadily grew and included a mixture of fun and educational items. I was quite impressed at how much the American's knew of Britain. In America, I'd only heard of The Statue of Liberty, Times Square, The White House and Disney. Perhaps I should do more investigation of the world around me.
"Okay, we have our list," I said, after everybody had been given a chance to nominate somewhere they'd like to visit. As the list grew, there were some that passed, as all their ideas had already been given.
"I saw some voting software a few months ago," I said, hunting around and eventually found it. I loaded all the suggestions in. "Okay, everyone vote for their top three places they'd like to visit. Once everyone has voted, we can give the list to Mr Hobson and see what he thinks."
"Well it certainly looks like a trip to the chocolate factory was very popular," said Helen, as the ordered list was eventually shown. "Well Erika, it looks like you will be seeing your chocolate factory after all."
"You do realise that on these trips we'll still have to speak Russian," I suddenly realised. "Can anybody here speak English with a Russian accent?"
"Of course," said Jessica. "How does this sound?"
"Very Russian," I replied.
"But?"
"Nothing."
"I saw your wince. What's wrong?"
"It sounded masculine," said Sam, breaking the news.
"Oh great, more speech therapy. It's a good job we've not got lessons for the next few weeks."
"What happens here for Christmas?" asked Paula, breaking everyone's thoughts about days out. "Do we celebrate? Do we give pressies?"
"We certainly celebrate at The Manor," said Melissa, as Helen and I exchanged worried looks. We'd been so busy that we'd forgotten about Christmas. There had been reminders in church, as the type readings had changed to those leading to the birth of Jesus. "What will happen during our time here, who knows? I presume we will follow the Hayfield tradition."
"What do you do at The Manor?"
"Oh, Christmas at The Manor is probably the best time of year, at least it is for me" Randall stated.
"Really?" Emma asked.
"So are you going to tell us about it, or keep it a secret?" inquired Sam.
"Well, for year A, Christmas starts about two weeks before Thanksgiving. That's when about half a dozen Christmas tree ornament catalogues are left for them to select from," Steph commenced telling us about their traditions.
"What for?" Jill wanted to know.
"Each student picks one ornament, something that is special to them," Michelle continued. "It's delivered to their rooms, just before Thanksgiving. This is their ornament that they keep the whole time they're at The Manor."
Cassie jumped in, "The day after Thanksgiving, a huge Christmas tree is put in the cafeteria. Sometime during the day, everyone brings their ornament and hangs it on the tree."
"Is that it? Just a big tree?" Jessica asked.
"Heavens no!" exclaimed Phillip, not wanting to miss out on telling part of the tale. "Christmas is a time of giving, a time to give to others. We may be invisible to the local community, but we do what we can to give of ourselves to make others happy."
"How do you do that and remain invisible?" I inquired.
"One of our traditions, is that during the second week of December, all classes are suspended and the ballroom is turned into a toy factory," Melissa told us.
"A toy factory?" Anna asked.
"That right! Everything needed is brought in and we become toy makers. We make stuffed dolls, teddy bears, wooden airplanes, trucks and trains. All the toys are then given to children who are stuck in the local hospitals during Christmas," James added.
"That sounds like great fun, but this year, you guys are here that week. Aren't the kids going to miss out?" Helen asked.
"When this trip was planned, they changed the week of the toy factory. We made all the toys the week before Thanksgiving, so nobody is missing out. We wouldn't want to disappoint the children," Susan assured us.
"Sorry, but what's Thanksgiving?" Emma asked.
"I thought Thanksgiving was in October," added Anna.
Kenny spoke up, adding a little explanation, "In Canada, Thanksgiving is celebrated on the second Monday in October and I believe it is a bit like your harvest festival. In America, it is the fourth Thursday in November. It's traditionally a time for giving thanks for the year we've had. It's also used to be classified as the start of the run-up to Christmas, so afterwards, all the Christmas decorations go up, though shops seem to put up their Christmas displays before then."
"So how many toys do you make? There can't be that many children in the hospital during Christmas," Paula wondered, getting back to what had been said.
"There are somewhere between eight to ten hospitals along the Wasatch Front. This year we did over one hundred and fifty dolls with complete wardrobes, about the same number of teddy bears, with clothes, and about seventy-five each of the wooden toys. Rumour has it that next year our toy shop will be in production for two weeks," Ruth stated.
"What's the Wasatch Front?" Jessica asked.
"Oh, sorry," Ruth apologized for not clarifying her reference. "The Wasatch Front is part of the Rocky Mountains. They start in central Utah and go into Idaho. There are four major cities along the Wasatch Front, Ogden, Salt Lake City, West Valley City, and Provo."
"All that toy making sounds almost unbelievable, but really neat. Do you have any other traditions?" Anna asked.
"Oh there's the carolling at the senior citizen centres, looking at Christmas lights around the area and of course, the Christmas day religious service of your choice," Tina added.
"They let you go out to sing carols? Doesn't security have a problem with that?" I asked bluntly.
"Yes, wouldn't that look a little out of place, having a huge choir going out in public to sing. We've never played locally, at least I don't think so," Helen added.
Kenny explained, "Oh no, there are several schools in the area that have choirs larger than ours, so it wouldn't seem strange at all. We however, don't go out as a big group; we split up into groups of about ten, and we only sing in senior citizen centres and rest homes, like Tina said. We've never performed as a whole group anywhere in the USA. They have some fifteen-passenger vans that we use. A psychiatrist, a teacher, and two other helpers, go with each group. The staff at some of the places I've been to, told us how good we were and that we should sing at the Crossroads Plaza, in downtown Salt Lake City, with all the other schools from the area."
"Of course, that's impossible," Ruth said, "But it's still a very nice compliment."
'Hmm, just a guess, but I bet those two helpers are part of the school's security', I thought.
"What did Tina mean, when she said you look at Christmas lights?"
"After we finish singing at the centre or rest home, we drive around looking at the Christmas lights and decorations around Salt Lake Valley. One of my favourites is Christmas Tree Lane," Monica told us.
"Yes, but we only see them from the van's. I'd like to be able to walk around Temple Square. From what I've seen on TV the lights there are really neat," Stephanie complained.
"What's Christmas Tree Lane?" I asked
"Well, it's actually called Glen Arbor Street, but we like to think of it as Christmas Tree Lane," Stephanie explained. "Anyway, every house is decorated with lots of lights. They string the lights from house to house, so it's continuous up one side and down the other."
"People don't go so mad putting up lights where I lived. Though I think it's taking off in some places. What's this about 'the religious service of your choice'?" Helen asked.
"Oh, we have so many students with different religious preferences, that we have services for five different denominations available. Each one does something different for Christmas," Melissa informed us.
"It's kind of interesting to go visit the different services, from time to time," Susan said. "It helps to understand other people a little better, if you understand a little about their religious beliefs."
"It sounds so wonderful," I sighed wistfully. Then I got a little idea, "Why don't I ask someone what they do here?"
"Sounds like a good idea."
I thought about who to ask, and decided to ask Stacy. I wanted to update her on what happened during the meal, anyway.
"Hi Stacy," I said, using my PDA as a telephone. "Sorry to disturb you, but would you know what normally happens at Hayfield over Christmas?"
"Of course I do. Hasn't anybody told you yet?"
"Nope."
"Oops. That was probably something I should have arranged. Would it be okay if I come and chat now?"
"Sure. See you in a few."
It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door and we let Stacy come into our year room. The room fell silent and a few people from both schools looked slightly nervous. I suppose having the head girl visiting wasn't an everyday activity, but she was human; I think.
"So, you want to know about Christmas?" Stacy curled up in one of the comfortable single seats.
"Well, I think that's a good starting position," I responded. A few faces looked surprised that I was able to communicate with the head girl in such a laid-back way.
"Well, Christmas has two meanings. Firstly, it's a religious day, celebrating the birth of Jesus. Secondly, it's a time to celebrate and remember friends and family."
"We can't see our family though, can we?" said Jessica, sadly.
"We're your family now," gently said Helen.
"We never forget our roots, either," continued Stacy. "No, we can't go home to our family and you know that. However, Christmas is a time we remember them. We tell each other tales of our friends and family, of a time before we came to our current school."
"What about cards and presents?"
"We send cards internally and cards and presents to our original families."
"We don't send presents internally? Not even to our partner?" asked Jill. Anna snuggled up closer to Jill when she said that.
"It has never been allowed before. Melissa, do they swap presents at The Manor?"
"No ... well ... sort of. I believe they used to, but after the security breech, they tightened security up, and that stopped. The school provides everything, that way it can be checked. The school does give everyone a bracelet their first year. Study partners pick charms from a catalogue. We all get together, in our year lounge, on Christmas day and exchange our small gifts of affection. If there is someone else you want to do something special for, well, there is usually left over material and they let us make clothes for each others dolls and teddies."
"Even the boys get charm bracelets?" I asked.
"Sure," Clara said. "We have Freaky Friday's; and like you and I are now, we sometimes go on field trips in our feminine role, so we have a chance to wear them. Besides, it shows our partner that we care about them, by wearing something that they gave us out of love."
"You all have dolls or teddy bears?" Lewis asked.
"Um, yes, we do," Wesley said, blushing slightly.
"Of course, we do," Melissa giggled at poor Wesley's embarrassment. "Most of us started school at The Manor when we were ten. Our special friends, as we call them, helped provide comfort and ease the pain of separation. I think, during those early years, everyone slept with his or her special friend. It wasn't until last year, or this year, that most of us started sleeping with each other. However, there are rumours that there is a couple in year B that has been sleeping together since before coming to The Manor."
I was looking around as Melissa was talking, most of year D was blushing, as well as year-one. Stacy was silently giggling. It looked like all of year-one had continued sleeping together, after Jessica's attempted suicide.
"So how do we get the cards and presents?"
"Starting Monday, a card shop will open in one of the rec-rooms. For family presents, we can go as a group to Milton Keynes. One of the staff will drive the minibus, as you are all too young. I'd recommend that you don't all wander round the centre as one big group, or the shopping centre security team will get very upset."
"We took care of selecting gifts and cards for our families before we left," Aurora, informed us. "They will be delivered a day or two before Christmas. Any cards or letters they've sent to us will be waiting for us when we return. As for internal cards, we would be pleased if we could participate in that tradition with you."
"What about money?"
"You have an account, which the school contributes to each month. There should be enough for most of you. If you have larger families, then discuss things with Jayne and Helen, who will sort things out with Mr Hobson. Year-D shouldn't have a problem, as they have already purchased family presents. You purchase the presents and once the minibus gets back, they'll be stored in an outbuilding. There you can wrap them and the school will organise shipping."
"What happens if our parents send something in a Christmas card?" asked Emma. "Such as money, gift vouchers, or pictures."
"It is then sent back," replied Stacy quietly, nervous at upsetting people. "Every year some year-one parents do that. It wouldn't be fair on the others in the year if it was kept, so a member of staff visits, to return the items and gently explain the situation."
This being the Americans fourth year at school, I presumed they were used to isolation from their family. For year-one, it was very hard. I'm sure it was very similar to what the American students must go through during year-A. In fact, it was probably harder for the year-A students, as they would be younger and have a harder job accepting the rules.
"So what happens at Hayfield at Christmas?"
"Well, we put up the tree and decorations twelve days before Christmas and remove them twelve days after Christmas. There is a large tree in the entrance hall and a smaller one in each year-room. Other places, such as the dining room, are decorated as the cross-year team assigned to that room feels fit. There are two religious services, a midnight service which starts just before midnight on Christmas Eve, and a service Christmas morning, which is optional to attend. Some pupils attend one or the other. Some are mad and attend both!"
"What about non-Anglican services?" asked Susan.
"I'm sure there will be services for other denominations, I just haven't got all that information," apologised Stacy. "I'll ask Mr Hobson to address things like that to the students during one of the meals. Since we have a smaller number of students, we've yet to have a student enquire about another religion. I'm surprised we haven't had someone enquire about having a Catholic Mass, as that's one of the other large religions. I'm sure it will be something that will be addressed in future years."
"Is anything special happening on Christmas Day?" asked Helen.
"Since we have the American's with us, I've heard there will be some new things taking place, including some type of musical festival on Christmas Day afternoon. More details will be announced closer to the time. We also have an annual trip to see a ballet. I believe this year we are going to see Swan Lake, at the London Coliseum."
"So when can we go shopping in Milton Keynes?" Paula asked, her eyes lighting up at the thought.
"What about Monday?" I replied. "It will give us time to be back before orchestra practice. It also shouldn't be as busy as the weekend."
"Don't you have classes on Monday?" asked Stacy, sounding rather puzzled.
"No," I replied and gave her a small wink.
"Anything else while I'm here?"
Nobody responded, so she got up to leave.
"Thanks for updating us," I said, followed by murmurs of thanks from the others in the room
"It sounds like you've got your hands full," she said to me, as she headed towards the door. "Give me a ring when you head up to your room and I'll have that chat then."
The upset of earlier seemed to be forgotten, as we all focused on the month ahead. The thoughts of Christmas were a stark reminder of our separation, but it was also an opportunity for us all to become closer.
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Synopsis:
A trip away from the school, but is it safe?
Story:
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 31
"Helen and Jayne, please report to Mr Hobson's office," requested the voice over the speakers.
"That's the first time I've heard the speakers being used," mentioned Kevin from year-four, who was swimming laps with his study partner, Susan.
"I suppose it's the only way to contact someone when they haven't got their PDA with them," said Paula, splashing Emma.
"We'll see you all at lunch," I said to the others in the year.
After the hectic end to Friday, yesterday had been relaxing and so far today, Sunday, had been great; but now this. To request us now, rather than send us a message on our PDA and wait until we were finished, was a clear sign something was wrong. Heck, it didn't take a rocket scientist to see it and if what Stacy had told us was true, by the time we'd finished school, we'd all be on the way to being as qualified as rocket scientists.
"Have fun," laughed Emma, hiding behind Jill's back to protect her from Paula's splashes. "I'm so glad I wasn't voted as a year leader. Oh, and tell Brian he doesn't know what he's missing."
Brian had been the only member of the year not to go swimming, having had an appointment with Dr Sue.
"I wonder what Mr Hobson wants?" pondered Helen, pulling herself out of the pool.
"I doubt we will find out till we get there," I said, following her out of the pool and towards the individual changing cubicles.
* * *
"I know you are only supposed to speak Russian, but I want to make sure you understand this, so it'll be in English," said Mr Hobson, as we were offered to sit on the settee. I breathed a sigh of relief, having been worried that we were in trouble. We took off our coats before we sat down, as this didn't look like a short meeting.
"What's wrong?" asked Helen, being a bit blunt.
"I'm sorry for disturbing your swim," started Mr Hobson. He paused and then continued, "This one is quite difficult, but you seem to have quickly grasped when to keep information to yourselves, so that's why I'm telling you this. The security section of the school has worries about Jill and Anna going to Milton Keynes, since that is where they used to live. There are justifiable worries that they might be spotted, and people wondering where they are. How would you like to go to another shopping area?"
I was glad that he didn't suggest leaving Jill and Anna behind. At least Mr Hobson had some feelings for his students.
"That's so ..." started Helen and broke off, realising she sounded like a small girl, about to go into a tantrum.
"What about Erika?" I asked, remembering that she was friends with Anna and Jill when she lived in England.
"She is still borderline. They have yet to come to any conclusion, which is why we didn't ask Melissa or Aurora to go with you."
"What if Andy, er sorry Brenda, did some work on them?" I queried, after some thought. "If they didn't look like they did when they lived in Milton Keynes, would that be acceptable?"
"I'm not sure," he replied, shaking his head in surprise that two students had come up with a better plan than he had.
"The children who knew them only did for a few months, so will find it hard to remember what they looked like," I added. "Also, to top it off, their old friends will be at school."
"Mmm, so they will."
"And I'm sure security will be there, keeping a discrete eye on us."
Mr Hobson winced at that.
"Sorry, I will stop fishing. So, can we all go to Milton Keynes?"
"If Brenda agrees to your plan, then I will again discuss it with the security team. If they say no, then I'm sorry." Mr Hobson shrugged his shoulders.
"Where's Brenda?" Helen asked me, after we'd left Mr Hobson's office.
"How should I know?" I retorted. She knew as well as I did that the locator software was restricted. "Look, instead of us getting into trouble, why don't I just give her a call?"
"I suppose that would do the trick," she giggled nervously. I began to wonder if Helen had been spending too much time with Matilda, learning how to always get into trouble.
"What's wrong?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you don't seem yourself."
"I suppose it's the first time we've ever tried to buck the trend in a way which might not get us into trouble. Every other time we've always done things on the spur of the moment; such as in France and the other day in London."
"Let's see if we can make it work then."
I gave Helen a quick kiss, and after donning our coats, we went through the back doors, our hands firmly joined. It wasn't really the weather to be outside, but our coats were thick enough to keep us warm. It was too early in the year for snow, but with the wind chill, it certainly felt cold enough.
"Hi Brenda, do you have a few minutes?" asked Helen.
I'd persuaded Helen to make the call, but now I started to think that might have been a mistake. Not having made the phone call was certainly frustrating. I had to wait until she'd finished to find out what Brenda had said. I'd managed to gleam a few things from listening to Helen's side of the conversion, but on its own, it didn't really make sense.
"And?" I blurted out as Helen finished the call.
"She'll meet us in ten minutes," Helen replied, which wasn't much for the length of time she'd been on the phone. "I made the phone call, so you'll have to pitch the idea."
I stuck out my tongue and she tapped my bottom in disapproval, before running off back towards the school. I waited a second to see if Helen would stop. She didn't, so I gave chase.
"Jayne Laura Grant," a voice said, as Helen and I entered the school, our arms around each other.
"Yes sir?" I said, turning round to where Mr Yates was.
"Remember, no running."
"Yes Sir."
"I didn't think you worked at the weekend?" Helen asked Mr Yates.
"I don't," he smiled, trying to hide a frown. "I er, forgot some work I needed to mark."
As he wandered off, I wondered what his real reason for being here was. It certainly wasn't to do with marking as generally schoolwork was submitted electronically.
"Helen, are you okay?"
"Why?"
"Because you are certainly coming out of your shell. Questioning teachers like that."
"I know I shouldn't, but you seem to have so much fun that I thought I'd give it a go."
"And?"
"You certainly find out a lot more by discrete teasing."
"Just don't go as bad as Matilda does."
"Is she indiscrete?"
"I don't think so. From what I can gather, she keeps what she finds to herself. So where are we meeting Brenda?" I said, changing the subject.
"In here," Helen said, pushing open the door to one of the classrooms. "Brenda said she would be a few more minutes as she was experimenting with a new look."
We chatted to ourselves while we waited from Brenda to appear. It didn't take long before the door opened and a women in her mid twenties appeared. It took me a minute to spot it was Brenda.
"Well, you certainly look older," I said.
"Is that you Brenda?" Helen sounded astonished.
"Of course it's me. You don't think they would allow a stranger to walk unescorted around the school, do you?"
"Why do you want to pass for about twenty-five?" I asked.
"Well, you will need someone to drive the minibus. I'll do Stacy up similar. You really need to be over twenty-one to drive a minibus. We both are qualified."
"Won't the teachers mind you skipping classes?"
"Year five classes are a bit different. We cover a lot more things on how we will fit into the world, such as cooking, ironing and financial management. Things we would have learnt if we grew up at home instead of a school. We still do academic work as well, but it is much more self-learning and study. At this school, you finish A-Levels at year three."
"Brenda, what vehicles can you drive?"
"More than I should be allowed at my actual age."
"Planes?" asked Helen, her jaw dropping slightly.
"Only small private ones at the moment and that is perfectly legitimate. You can get your licence at seventeen for that one."
There was no doubt her speciality.
"Brenda, there is a slight issue with our trip to Milton Keynes. Security has concerns because two or three of us might be recognised."
"And what would you like me to do?" asked Brenda, with a slight knowing smile.
"Would you be able to help make them up so they look slightly different?" I asked.
"Like a disguise?"
"Yes, but I'm sure just a pair of sunglasses and a hat wouldn't help," added Helen with a giggle.
Brenda laughed at the normal length people go to be incognito. "No, I think I might be able to do something a bit better than that. Get Jill to meet me in the salon after lunch and see what I can do."
"You don't mind?" I asked nervously, glad she knew who we were talking about.
"Don't be silly," laughed Brenda. "I love doing things like that. It's also fun to see Stacy's face when I succeed. Anyway, I'd do anything to help someone else at the school. I understand why security is nervous, as they are not only trying to make sure nothing happens to just the three girls, but also that nobody finds out where they are at school."
By the time we were finished with Brenda, it was almost time for lunch. Nobody was in the common room, so I assumed they weren't back from swimming. Since returning from France, Brian had been having many chats with Becky and from what I could gather, quite a few medical checks, but he was normally finished in time for lunch. Since the swimmers had taken the two minibuses, we got to the car park just as they were all getting out.
"How was Mr Hobson?" asked Melissa.
"We weren't in trouble," I answered and then quietly, so only she could hear, "Just an added complication for tomorrow."
"Anything I need to be aware of?"
"Not yet. Concerns have been raised about Jill and Anna, since they used to live in Milton Keynes."
"Ah, so are we going somewhere else?"
"We are trying something else after lunch. Anyway, Erika used to live in Milton Keynes, but so far, she is okay to go. If she wasn't, they would have had you and Aurora in that meeting as well."
"Okay, thanks for letting me know."
"I'll let you know if there is any update."
"Jill, is there any chance you can help Brenda with an experiment, after lunch?" I asked, giving Helen the eye. I'm sure this idea was as much Helen's as mine.
"What does she want me to do?"
"She is experimenting with makeup, and needs a model."
"What?"
"Would you be able to help her?" I repeated, not wanting to explain more.
"Ooh, it will be nice to see you made up again," said Anna gleefully.
"Sure," said Jill, after an excited Anna elbowed her. "I'm not sure why me, though."
"Thanks," I said, giving a beam of a smile, leaving a very puzzled Jill to Anna's mercy.
After lunch, we had an impromptu music practice. We went onto the system that held the music and printed off a few pieces to play. These we knew we would never play again, but it was for the sheer enjoyment of music making. Since there weren't really enough instrument players, we decided we would all sing and one of the best places to sing was in the church. Hayfield Hall didn't have a school choir that sang on trips away, but when you heard the singing during church, it was clear that the students still took it seriously.
"Are you okay, Brian?" I asked, during a break. Since coming back from seeing Dr Sue, he didn't seem himself.
"Yeah, just got a few things on my mind."
"Well we are there for you if you need it."
"Thanks. Lewis is being a great help, but if I need to talk, you will be first on my list."
"Okay, just don't think you are alone."
He gave a weak smile. "In some ways I am."
I opened my mouth to ask what he meant by that, but he wandered off back to Lewis.
"Are you ready for something different?" asked Aurora, handing out some sheets.
"This isn't in English," exclaimed Paula.
"No, it's Latin," explained Jamie. "We sang this last Easter. It seems that Miserere is sung every Easter in the Sistine Chapel. There was a ban on others writing the music down, until Mozart, aged fourteen, heard it and later jotted it down from memory. It soon leaked out."
"Aged fourteen?" I asked, amazed. "That's not much older than we are."
"Okay, let's give it a try," said Helen.
Our first attempt was laughable. Our pronunciation was awful, well Hayfields was. The American's sang it very well having sung it before. We didn't give up and after a few attempts, we sounded a lot better.
"Do you have anything else in Latin?" Anna asked.
"Are you serious?" Emma nearly choked in shock.
"I was just getting the hang of it."
"We have a short piece called Ave Verum Corpus, which isn't too hard. Since Jamie mentioned Mozart, why don't we try his version? He wrote it less than six months before he died," said Aurora. "Martha, why don't you hop onto the organ to accompany us for this?"
"Sure," she smiled, her eyes lighting up.
One year singing by themselves would only have attracted the attention of someone passing close by. However, with the organ playing, it would make things a bit more obvious. Sure enough, a few enquiring faces looked around the church door. We smiled at each other, slightly embarrassed at our friends hearing us; strangers didn't affect us the same way. However, we kept singing, our enjoyment greater than our embarrassment.
As we finished, and the slight echo died down, we heard applause coming from the corridor. Aurora paid little attention and was quickly dishing out the next song. There was little time to scan the music before the organ started playing the introduction. I was glad to see it wasn't Latin, but this one was in French and appeared to be another religious song, which I suppose was only correct since we were in a church. Much of the French I learnt must have stayed, as I understood most of the words and even how to pronounce them.
As we sang, the audience that had stood outside the door crept in. Martha didn't stop playing, so we kept on singing the Cantique de Jean Racine. Stacy stood by the door, quietly ushering people in. The room was quickly filling with students, but only students. Stacy politely refused entry to the members of staff that tried to come in. We finished the song to another big round of applause.
"Would you sing some of the others we missed?" begged Roberta, the conductor from Immigration Manor.
"We didn't do many, as us Brits were struggling with Latin," I explained.
"You sounded fine when we heard the Mozart earlier," shouted someone from the third pew.
So sing we did, to everyone's delight. This was a perfect afternoon to a relaxing Sunday. During our small rendition, Brenda appeared with Jill. Her hairstyle had been changed, as had her hair colour. If she hadn't been with Brenda, I wouldn't have recognised her. I heard a small gasp from Anna as she saw her partner.
"Are you okay?" I asked Anna, dragging her behind some of the other singers.
"Just a shock. I hardly recognise her," she said in a hushed voice as the singing continued.
"Good."
"Good? I'm her lov- , study partner. What's going on?"
I smiled at what she nearly said and then quickly sobered up. "Anna, do you want to discuss it now, or wait ten minutes till we finish singing?"
"I'll wait," she replied, frowning slightly.
After the singing had finished and the applause had died down, everyone left to enjoy the thirty minutes left before orchestra and choir practice. I didn't get a chance to relax, as I went for a nice chat with Anna. Helen went to see if there was any reaction from the rest of the year.
"What's going on?" demanded Anna, as I shut the door to a spare room.
"Helen and I were told earlier that you and Jill weren't allowed to go on the trip to Milton Keynes," I explained, trying not to give too many details away, such as security having a veto.
"Because we used to live there?"
"Yes, and that you might be noticed. People think you've moved away, and if you are spotted, they might wonder where you are living or going to school."
"Oh. So were we going to be left behind?"
"No, the suggestion was that we all go to a different shopping area. Helen and I came up with the plan of disguising you both, so the traditional event can occur."
"Oh," Anna murmured. "Does Jill know about this?"
"Brenda will have explained as much as I've told you."
Anna nodded, understanding that there were other things, which I couldn't discuss. "What about me? I take it I'll need to get transformed?"
"If the disguise plan gets the go ahead, then yes."
"You should have told us this much, earlier."
"If Brenda hadn't been able to help Jill, you would have been disappointed. We wanted to know if it could be done. I suppose it helps that the students here are good at disguising themselves for things like mix-up Mondays."
"We could have gone as male."
"Sorry, but you don't pass well enough yet. Anyway, you have to stay female, due to our trip to Russia."
We went and joined the others in the year room. They were all still shocked about Jill's transformation."
"Will I need to be disguised?" asked Erika.
"I've not been told so," said Melissa. "Would you like to?"
"It might be fun. Do you think they will be able to fit me into the schedule? Martha, how would you like me? Bright pink hair?"
"Ewww, no. How about being blonde, large falsies, a very low top, and a belt for a skirt?"
The Americans were all laughing, leaving us Brits wondering what the joke was.
"When Erika joined, we teased her by getting her dressed as a tart for the day," explained Melissa. "Her Dad wasn't amused either."
"Poor girl," said Martha, cuddling up to Erika.
"Come on," I said looking at my watch. "We don't want to be late for practice. Roberta will kill us."
"You've caught on quickly," said Melissa, scrambling to her feet. "Have all you singers got your headsets?"
At each practice, we worked on a different part of our concert. We gradually began to sound like we had been together for years, rather than just a few weeks. Tonight was Roberta's turn with the baton, and she wasn't shy about her idea of how things should sound. Brian watched and occasionally asked a question. He was very much still learning and Roberta was a great person to learn from. He seemed a bit happier than he did earlier. Having to concentrate seemed to take his mind off whatever problem he had.
After the evening meal and group game of Monopoly, we all settled down to relax. Some read, others listened to music and others just chatted. Listening to music was the easiest as reading Russian was still difficult for me.
A phone call from Mr Hobson, giving us all permission to go to Milton Keynes interrupted our individual activities. Brenda would do Anna first thing in the morning. Erika decided it would be a safe move, and added her name to the list.
"Is there something different about the swimming pool?" Melissa asked openly, bringing a larger chat into play. "It doesn't appear to have the same smell and taste as other pools."
"There was a student, who left last year, who was allergic to chlorine, so they changed it to a chlorine free pool. At the start of this school year, the school shifted back for a few weeks to use chlorine, but there were so many complaints from the students that they stopped using it. It's a good job, as in a recent allergy test they found out Wendy had an allergy to chlorine."
"Ah, that explains it."
"I don't think I've met Wendy," said Wesley.
"She's my sister," announced Jessica proudly.
"You have a sister here? Wow."
"She was better at hiding her gender issues at home than I was. I can just think what my Dad would say if he found out he had two transgendered children."
"I'm sure if he knew the real you and what you'd suffered, then he would have loved you even more," stated Sam.
"Do you get much mail from home?" I asked, remembering that during the French trip, we'd bumped into Jessica's parents and I'd overheard that Jessica's Dad planned to send a letter saying he was sorry for his earlier behaviour.
"I had a letter a few weeks ago from my mum. I also had one from my Dad, but I couldn't face opening it. It's still on my desk in my room."
"I've mentioned about me reading it to check it," said Sam before anybody could say anything.
"Thanks for the offer," sighed Jessica. "I'll read it when I'm ready."
"We have sisters at our school," said Melissa trying to take the attention off Jessica, who appeared to be very embarrassed. "Only one of them has gender issues, or so it appears."
"Is that Matilda?" asked Helen. "What's her sister like?"
"Rachel? She is a fighter. Before she joined the school, she was very badly beaten-up and spent about six months in the school hospital. She still walks with a limp."
"Is that the young brunette girl with the walking stick?" asked Emma.
"Yes, I think she is the only one at the moment with a walking stick. Mary Beth, Matilda's partner, had difficulty walking for a while due to cracked ribs after she was attacked. She spent about five weeks in a wheelchair, but she never needed a cane."
"America doesn't sound very safe," commented Brian.
"Don't generalise," scolded Helen. "There are violent attacks in England, too. Don't forget that America is larger than England and has a much larger population. If you went into certain areas, such as Moss Side in Manchester, I'm sure you would have as much chance of getting attacked, if not higher."
"Mary Beth and Rachel were attacked by the same person," said Michelle. "But let's not dwell on things like that. I hear he isn't a problem anymore, so let's talk about nicer things, like finding out from Erika, Anna, and Jill what shops are at Milton Keynes."
As we all chatted, I noticed Brian was not really with us. His mind seemed to be on other things. Lewis, Brian's partner, had also noticed and must have said something, as Brian gave a small smile and rejoined the banter of what we were going to do in Milton Keynes.
* * *
Monday morning found us making our first trip to Milton Keynes shopping centre. Since joining the school, this was our first trip in this country that wasn't closely chaperoned. We'd had quite a lot of freedom in France, and now that was being given to us here.
Anna had been given quite a sophisticated look. Her hair was still the same colour, but the style had been changed so it framed her face. After a few glances, I concluded that it suited her better than her previous style. The look that a subtle bit of makeup gave her, made her look like a close relative of Jill's. I didn't have any idea how Brenda had pulled it off, as normally they didn't look anything like each other.
As Martha had requested, Erika had chosen to go blonde and was looking slightly larger on top than her usual size. However, that is as far as she'd gone with Martha's request, which nobody would have followed in the middle of winter. I certainly couldn't have carried off her tight pair of jeans, even when wearing a gaff.
I issued a PDA that would work outside the school to everyone from Hayfield. I didn't have to worry about the Americans, as they had their own travel PDA's. We climbed into the two minibuses and were on our way to Milton Keynes. Milton Keynes, the land of roundabouts, grid layout, and concrete cows. Milton Keynes was not named after the famous economist, but from one of the small villages that already existed when the Milton Keynes project was conceived in the 1960's. The only time I'd ever visited there, was when I went to rescue Jill and Anna, and that was just the southern area. Today would be my first visit to the centre, and I only had details from the three girls plus what I could gather from the Internet.
"What are you going to do while we're here?" I asked the twenty-five year old rendition of Brenda, as we jumped out of the minibus.
"Oh, we'll be around," she replied with an impish smile. "We are but just a phone call away."
"Making sure we stay out of trouble?"
"Nah, we want to get a sneak of what's around to get a head start on the others in year five. We trust you not to get into trouble. Oh, before you go, Stacy asked that you stay with Helen, but not be in the same group as Ruth and Michelle."
I waved goodbye, as Brenda and Stacy went to park the minibuses, and went to join the others, who were discussing, in a rather animated way, what they wanted to do.
"What's in that great big building over there?" said Emma, pointing to the big sloping mass behind us.
"Oh, that houses the indoor ski centre, rock-climbing and cinema," replied Jill.
"Skiing?" asked Sam. "Inside? Is it one of those mat things, like they have at Gloucester?"
"I've no idea what they have at Gloucester," smiled Jill, "but this is based on real snow."
"That sounds great. Do you think we'll get chance to try it out?" asked Ruth.
"It depends how many trips we have," replied Aurora. "We have that stress management program to do."
"I'm not sure if that was just for us, or if it included you," I said.
"It better be for us. I'd hate to have the issue that Jessica has," muttered Phillip.
"Now that Jessica has shared her problem, not only will she get the help she needs, but others will be helped so they are less likely to have the problem in the future. Just look at when they found Stacy had a serious allergy. They tested everyone to make it less likely the situation would arise again."
"Okay everyone, let's split up into groups so we don't stand out," Helen reminded us all. "Any idea where we could meet for lunch?"
"Depends what food you like? There are plenty of fast food places, or there are places inside some of the shops," answered Anna.
"Please, not McDonalds," said Monica. "We can have them in America. This will be the first meal we will have outside the school."
"How about John Lewis?" Jill suggested. "They have a nice restaurant with a variety of food, including these huge pancakes they make in front of you. However, they do get packed."
"There are thirty of us, so how about five groups of six people? How does two locals and four visitors in each group sound?"
"Sounds like a plan," agreed Melissa.
Ruth and Michelle headed towards us, but I gave a little shake of my head, which Michelle noticed. She dragged Ruth off towards Sam and Jessica. We ended up with Monica, Carolyn, Tina, and Susan.
"One last thing," I said before we split up. "Any trouble, then contact one of the year leaders. We want to give a good first impression in our first outing here."
We were then off exploring, the Hayfield students thinking about what gifts they could get their parents, while the American's were enjoying browsing and seeing what was different between the UK and America.
"You've got to be kidding?!" was the rough translation of Tina's sudden Russian exclamation. A few people turned round to look at why a Russian girl was kicking up a fuss about something. I have to admit, her accent was very good.
"What is it, Tina?" I asked.
"How much for Mountain Dew?"
Tina was looking in a shop window. It looked like a café that also sold imported American food. Some items had coupons on their sides in cents.
"Is the food expensive then?"
"It's about four times what we would pay in America."
"Well, I suppose there are shipping costs and some Americans would be willing to pay a premium for things that remind them of America."
"Oh sure, but surely not Mountain Spew and at THAT price. Anyone willing to pay that much must be desperate."
As we browsed, Helen and I got a message on our PDA's from Stacy. It was addressed to not just us two, but also to Michelle and Ruth. "A little competition for you. As you probably guessed, there are some security personnel around to make sure you stay safe. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to photograph them. You get twenty points for each correct person, but five deducted for every wrong guess. The winner is the one with the most points. If there is a draw, the one with the least wrong guesses wins. This message will self destruct ... nah, just kidding."
"Anything interesting?" asked Monica.
"A competition," I answered absent-mindedly.
"Oh, I love competitions," said Susan.
"This is a special one," added Helen in a no-nonsense manner.
"Ah, well, best of luck then. Let's get away from expensive American goods and find something nice for your families."
"Have you any idea what you can get your family?" I asked Helen.
"No, and I don't think it will get any easier as the years go on. We all used to drop hints to each other, but I scanned my latest emails and there were none."
"I'm at a loss too," I sighed. "I thought about getting my mum a beginner's cook book, but I don't think it would do any good."
"What about smellies from M&S?"
"The only place my parents go is down the pub. I don't think they would do any good."
Just before lunch, despair began to set in. In the corner of my eye, I saw a face I'd seen before and discreetly snapped off another picture. Observation was a great distraction to despair. This was the third picture I'd taken since we'd been told about the competition. Helen had taken only one, but I think it was a good one.
"How are things going?" asked Sam as we met outside John Lewis.
"Not good," Helen and I replied together.
"We've not found anything for our families," I explained.
"Susan did see a nice outfit," Helen added.
"See," said Susan, as she modelled for her partner. "I said it was nice. Shame we don't have anything like that in our wardrobe."
"I think the school would have a fit," I laughed. "We are being educated to be good outstanding members of the community. That outfit doesn't leave much to the imagination."
Susan moved closer to me and said quietly, "Jealous?"
"No," I whispered back. "No offence, but I wish it was Helen wearing it."
Susan pulled away. "Very good answer," she laughed.
When all our little groups were back together, we trooped up the stairs to the John Lewis cafe. As it was a weekday, it wasn't as busy as it would have been on a weekend, though it was already beginning to get busy. If we'd waited until twelve, we might not have all gotten a table.
The biggest tables were tables for four, but the area furthest from the food had tables we could manipulate. We were lucky enough that that area was relatively clear and we dragged a table of two next to our table of four, so there was room for our little shopping group.
"So what do your parents do, apart from drink?" Tina asked me.
"My mum likes to watch soap operas and they both like to watch old films."
"Well get them a few DVD's then?" suggested Monica.
"I can't, they don't have a DVD player."
"Well duh," said Helen. "Don't you have enough in your school account to get them a DVD player?"
"But it is so extravagant," I complained. "We aren't used to giving so much."
"Then include your brother. I'm sure they will all get value from it. Get it for them as a family gift and get them each a DVD they would like."
"That's an idea," I admitted. As I munched on the food, Helen took a photograph of someone on a table near the window, overlooking the Christmas grotto."
"Do you have room for a dessert?" Helen asked.
The four American girls declined and Helen looked a bit disappointed. I was going to decline, but knew she wouldn't have one herself if nobody else did.
"What were you going to have?" I asked.
"One of those pancakes," she smiled, her eyes wide with anticipation.
"Which flavour?"
"Banoffee, why?"
"Because I want to see what they have. I'll get it for you."
There was a small queue and I watched as they made a pancake for the person in front. They had a large hot round hob just for making these pancakes. As I watched it being made, it made me slightly hungrier and decided I wanted one myself.
I'd just been served the two pancakes when I was approached by a young policewoman and a middle-aged man, who showed me an educational welfare badge.
"Why aren't you at school?" he asked.
I swore under by breath. This was just what I didn't want.
"Can we deal with this in a minute?" I said in English, but kept the Russian accent. "I don't want our pancakes to go cold."
"There are more of you?"
"I'm with a school field trip visiting your country."
"Can you prove that? Where is your teachers?"
"They have just nipped to the minibuses," I said as I wandered to the table, refusing to let them stop me. "And that should be 'Where are your teachers'. Didn't you go to school?"
I passed Helen her pancake and said to everyone in Russian, "Seems the Educational Welfare people want to know why we aren't at school."
"Truancy Police?" Carolyn replied in English, for the benefit of our unwelcome friends.
Jill was on the table next to us, but looked slightly older due to her makeup. I saw her slip out her PDA and send a message, obviously warning the others.
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Synopsis:
No school lessons, but that doesn't stop learning from occuring.
Story:
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 32
I expected the others to disappear, but instead they did the opposite and all joined us. The truant officer looked a bit nervous with so many children surrounding him, but the policewoman, who was a lot younger, kept her cool.
"If you are with a teacher, then there shouldn't be any trouble," she said.
Aurora started babbling something in very rapid Russian, waving her arms around a lot. Ruth quickly joined in. My Russian wasn't up to spec, but Melissa caught on quickly enough.
"I am sorry about this," she said in English, with a very thick Russian accent. "They are both worried that you are English secret police and they will be tortured."
"We aren't like that," said the Educational Welfare Officer, horrified that someone would think that of him. "I just want to make sure that people get the education they should."
"Well, we aren't even being allowed to finish our meal," I said, pointing to my half-eaten pancake.
"We'll sit over there and let you finish your meal," said the policewoman. "Do you promise not to run off?"
"Of course," I said, indignantly.
Until now, I'd not had chance to look at my PDA and see what Jill had sent. I discretely looked at it and saw that she had copied Stacy and Brenda. As I struggled to finish off the pancake, which I'd only purchased to keep Helen happy, I looked at what was happening. The people who I thought were Hayfield Hall security were happily having another cup of coffee and were making no attempt to assist. The Policewoman was keeping an eye on us, while the Educational Welfare Officer was busy on his mobile phone.
"Sorry, I can't eat any more," I sighed, putting down my folk and spoon.
"It was very kind of you to have a dessert with me," thanked Helen, swapping my dish with her empty one. I couldn't believe that she had the room to finish mine.
When Helen had finished off my leftovers, we started collecting our things, getting ready to leave. I'd been hoping the delay of finishing our meal would have given enough time for Stacy and Brenda to appear, but there was still no sign of them. The truancy cop and policewoman obviously saw us gathering our items together and approached.
"Are you going to arrest us all?" I asked.
"Er, well, we wouldn't arrest you."
"I saw you on your mobile phone earlier," I continued. Wanting this to all be over with, I wasn't dancing around the issues as gently as I might, or possibly should, have. "Have any schools reported a whole class of Russian speaking students missing?"
"Ah, no, nobody hast," he said, slightly embarrassed. "But you shouldn't be wandering around the shopping centre without your teacher?"
"Oh, and do children aged thirteen and fourteen not go shopping here on their own?" asked Melissa.
"Well I suppose so," he conceded. The policewoman was very quiet, apart from a little snigger.
"If we'd gone to the shops as one group, with our teachers, it would have made a very big group. Wouldn't that have made the shopkeepers very nervous?" added Wesley.
"Ah, here they are now," I said, spotting Stacy and Brenda arriving.
The two officers disappeared, after getting confirmation that we were who we said we were.
"You handled the situation very well," praised Stacy. "Now have fun with the rest of the time we have here. If you'll all meet us at two where we got off the busses, we have a little trip to somewhere else planned for you."
Now I knew what I was purchasing, it didn't take long to find what I wanted. Helen also had a moment of inspiration and we managed to have everything purchased in time for the minibus. The Americans were great and helped carry the items. It mustn't have been the most exciting day for them.
When we arrived at the shopping centre exit, three minibuses were waiting. The third driver was Mr Hobson.
"Okay, in the back of the third minibus, you will find ten labelled boxes. Find yours and place your presents in it. That way, they won't be mixed up when I unload them. Any questions?"
There weren't any, and the loading began. It was great that the gifts would be taken back to Hayfield and therefore we didn't have to worry about them going astray during our extra stop. The only one who had trouble was Emma.
"Wow Emma, that dolls house is huge," gaped Sam.
"It's for my niece. Her mother isn't very well off, and I know how much she likes dolls."
"Don't worry about it," said Mr Hobson, with a tender smile on his face. "I'll make sure that it is well looked after. I'm sure Naomi will love it."
As Mr Hobson drove off, we climbed into our minibuses. Everyone was chatting away about what we'd seen and how scary it had been with the Welfare Officer. It wasn't until we'd moved off that the conversation died down and things began to sink in.
"So your niece is called Naomi?" Paula asked Emma. "Is that Sarah's daughter?"
"Yes," Emma replied slowly, her face frowning in deep thought.
"What's up?"
"I've never mentioned my niece to anybody at school, though I have had a few letters from Sarah. I'm sure I've never mentioned what my niece was called. Yet Mr Hobson not only knew I had a niece, but also her name."
From my initial interview, I'd found out that they had done intensive research into my family. Therefore, it really wasn't a shock to me that they knew about Emma's. What was a surprise was that Emma didn't know how intensive the background search was and that Mr Hobson had remembered at least one seemingly remote family member.
I glanced at Helen, who had a look of understanding in her eyes. She shook her head slightly, to indicate I shouldn't say anything. I smiled and gave a slight nod to show my understanding. This wouldn't be a good subject to bring up now and probably not in the short term.
"So where are we going?" I asked.
"Are we nearly there yet?" crowed some of the other passengers sarcastically, reminiscing of when they were younger.
"No, not yet," laughed Brenda, a certain something in her voice. I recognised what it was and sat back to watch her wind someone up.
We were well out of central Milton Keynes, heading south. There wasn't much to see as the housing had been deliberately kept away from the main routes, with trees or big bushes blocking the road noise. I tried to picture where we were based on the map of Milton Keynes I'd studied last night. According to the grid structure, we were near the southern end, near Bletchley.
Brenda, who had been following Stacy, suddenly accelerated and overtook her partner. I looked around and saw a few had looks of surprise on their faces. After going round three more roundabouts, she took a right.
"We're going to Tesco's?" asked a shocked Paula, not really believing they would be going food shopping.
"Just kidding," said Brenda, laughing at their faces. "I didn't think you'd fall for that one. Why would we go food shopping when all food is so lovingly cooked at Hayfield. Even Stacy's cooking yesterday lunchtime seems to have gone without a hitch. Nobody in the dining room complained."
"Why would Stacy be cooking?" enquired Emma.
"Because the school doesn't like us to go out without the skills we need to survive," I replied, as Brenda neatly avoided a BMW crashing into us. The BMW hadn't been watching and tried to enter the lane of the road we were in.
Brenda continued, "If we'd been at home, we would have been taught how to cook by our parents, well except maybe for Jayne. Here we have to rely on the school. Anyway, this wasn't her first time cooking, but at least this time she didn't set off the fire alarms."
"Yikes, I'd have hated being taught by my parents," I lamented. "They were the worst cooks in the world."
"So where are we going?" demanded Paula.
"Tut, tut," laughed Brenda. "Such a demanding girl this afternoon, aren't we?"
"Brenda!" I warned, thinking the teasing had gone on long enough.
"We're just going round the corner," said Brenda, with a small laugh. She glanced across at the mini-bus that Stacy was driving. Stacy gave a big grin and a thumbs-up. It looked like similar teasing had been going on there too. "Oh, and you have permission to speak English for the duration of the next visit."
Brenda was correct, it was just round the corner and we entered the grounds of Bletchley Park. This meant nothing to me, but Jill started getting very excited, so I presumed this was something to do with computers. Computers were good at what they did, but I saw nothing to get excited about. Apparently I was wrong, this place was not what it seemed.
"Who's heard of Bletchley Park?" asked Harry, our tour guide.
Jill was the only one to raise her hand. "It is the place that had of one of the world's first computers," she explained, after being asked to explain.
"Do you know anything else about it?"
"No, not really," she admitted. "Just that the machine was called Colossus. My Dad used to go on a lot about computer history."
"Yes, it was called Colossus. Okay, have you all heard of World War Two?"
Everyone muttered in their own way that they had.
"Well that is a good start. During World War Two, both Germany and Japan developed several codes. Bletchley Park was set up to crack those codes, so we would know what they were doing. Its whole existence was kept secret, even after the war. It was only talked about for the first time in the 1970's. Many people who worked here still refuse to discuss what happened."
"Why?" asked Susan, puzzled.
"Because if it was known that we'd broken their code, they would have changed it. The whole idea was to shorten the war. Great lengths were taken to protect what we knew. In fact it led to one of the hardest decisions that the government had to make during the war. The code crackers found out that there was going to be big bombing on Coventry. If Coventry had been evacuated, the Germans would have known that the code was broken. However, if nothing was done, many thousands would die."
"What happened?" encouraged Stacy.
"The secret was kept. Coventry was bombed as intelligence said it would. Things were done to lessen the impact, but many still died."
"Wasn't that wrong?" said Emma, sounding horrified. "Shouldn't the government have got everyone out?"
"Perhaps, perhaps not. I'm not here to moralise, but teach you what happened."
"What if the codes had been changed and the war had dragged on for many more years?" Stacy asked. "Wouldn't that have led to more deaths? More suffering with the food shortages? More bombings?"
"That's just a guess!" exclaimed Paula.
"True, it is," admitted Stacy. "However, because it never happened, that is all we can do. Psychohistory isn't a developed science."
"Psycho what?"
"Psychohistory," smiled Wesley. "It's an idea in a series of science fiction books by Isaac Asimov. The ability to predict the future based on past events and mathematical equations."
"Let's move on and look at an Enigma machine, a Turing Bombe and Colossus ," announced Harry, before anything more could be said.
"I thought Colossus was destroyed and the Enigma machine stolen?" said Jill, puzzled.
"They were," agreed Harry. "However, there is an ongoing project to try and rebuild Colossus. The Enigma machine was returned in a surprising way - it was shipped to Jeremy Paxman at the BBC. So there is nothing from stopping you seeing both."
"Wasn't the Enigma machine the thing that the American's managed to steal from a German u-boat?" asked Melissa.
"Ah, no," said Harry, with a slight grimace. "That was just Hollywood changing the facts for a film. It was actually a British submarine that got a copy of the Enigma machine. If people make films about historic events, I wish they would do it accurately. Two brave people, Anthony Fasson and Collin Grazier, died when the u-boat sank. It would have been less hurtful if Hollywood had honoured them."
Colossus looked nothing like a modern computer. Its large structures and valves made it look dated, but as we were told, it was very efficient at what it did. It could crack the German Lorenz codes as quickly as a modern computer could, but that's all it could do. It was a machine for a task, not a machine for general purposes.
None of us were stupid. We realised we were being shown what it was like to have to keep a secret from everyone for a long time. People who worked there couldn't even discuss what they did with others on site. Even the development of Colossus was a secret and handled by different teams at what would become British Telecom. The blue prints were destroyed after the war.
"All of this was possible due to a highly dedicated team. A team which kept things secret and most were never awarded for their duty. In fact one of the main people which saved Britain, was cruelly treated after the war. Alan Turing was asked to help finish a project in Manchester called Mark 1, which was nicknamed Baby. In 1952, Alan Turing's house was broken into and items were stolen. He reported it to the police and while they were investigating, Alan admitted that the other man in the house was his partner. Alan was arrested and found guilty for homosexuality. The government washed their hands of him. He was given an option to avoid jail; he could take hormone therapy to make him impotent. He took the therapy. In June 1954 he was found dead from cyanide poisoning."
We stood there shocked. Someone who had done so much for Britain, someone that had saved so many lives and nothing was done to help him. Homosexuality was no longer a crime, but it was the first time we'd come across how being different could impact someone so much.
Even though it had been a day off schoolwork, it was not a day without learning. Jessica, however, seemed a lot happier, even though she'd had to spend most of the day speaking Russian. By the time we were back at the school, the sadness had mostly faded and we were remembering the good times.
"Ah, did you have fun?" welcomed Mr Hobson, as we alighted from the mini-busses.
"Yes thanks, Sir," we chorused.
"When you have settled in and Jayne has checked in your travel PDA's, would it be possible to come and speak with you all?"
Helen, Melissa, Aurora and I exchanged a quick glance and all nodded. "How about twenty minutes?" I asked.
"Twenty minutes it is," Mr Hobson agreed.
It didn't take that long to sort out the travel PDA's. One by one, I switched control back from the travel PDA to their school version. It was a two person task. The person needed to sign out of the travel PDA, where all user data created would automatically be uploaded to the master server. I would then switch control to their in-house school PDA and they would then login to that PDA. The only student PDA's that were difficult were Stacy's and Kriss's internal and travel PDA's. Not only did they have extra functionality, but they were also secured in more intricate ways.
"Jessica, as the expert in Russian, how are we doing?" asked Melissa, as I worked on the PDA's.
"How do you want me to answer that?"
"Truthfully," Helen said. "It is the only way we will learn."
"Generally The Manor students are a lot better than Hayfield," she said, not daring to look at anybody. "The difference is the accents. Hayfield students need a bit more polishing, but that will come over the next few weeks. I suppose I didn't help. The biggest issue is that you are all speaking too formally. No Russian would phrase sentences like you're doing."
"Can you help?" I queried, taking Jill's travel PDA.
"I don't know," Jessica muttered.
"JESSICA!" fumed Sam. "You aren't abandoning us again, are you?"
"Calm down," Helen ordered. "Let Jessica continue."
"I didn't say I wouldn't," Jessica said, defending herself. "I'm not sure how to. I've never tried to teach and have no idea how to do it."
"I can help," offered Anna. "I did it when we went to France, so I can give you some hints."
"Can you also liaise with Wesley?" Melissa asked. "He is our Russian expert."
"Sure," Jessica said hesitantly.
Sam whispered something to Jessica, to which Jessica responded.
"Jessica, Wesley will not be offended," said Ruth. "We've had longer to work together and realise that we are a team and we just want the best for everyone. Now are you going to tell everyone, or do I have to."
"How did you know what I said to Sam?"
"I can read lips," she smiled. "It is quite a useful skill."
"Phil is better at Russian than Wesley. He listened to my Russian and picked up a lot of the phrasing. Sorry Wesley."
"Don't be," said Wesley. "If Phil is better then why would you hide that? We want to be passable enough with the language and you have highlighted a weakness."
"What about the other years?" Aurora asked.
"I'm not sure how many others have spent time in Russia, apart from my sister," Jessica said, still worried about being pressured into revealing the truth.
"I know it is important for the others to learn how to speak less formally, but I'm not having Jessica's health put at risk. Jessica has just told us how stressed she was and she needs to relax," I warned.
"I'll be okay to help others here," said Jessica, after a moment's thought. "I'm sure that stopping the other lessons will help. I have a chat scheduled with Tracy after tonight's meal, so don't worry if I'm not here."
"Thanks for the update," I said warmly. "Mr Hobson will be here in a few minutes, so anything else before he appears?"
"Are you going to tell Mr Hobson about the language issue?" panicked Jessica.
"Not now, but I will need to tell him. First, I'm going to have a word with Wendy, but that will probably mean explaining to Tim, their year leader, what's happening. It would be nice if she could help since she doesn't appear to have any stress issues."
"Sorry," sighed Jessica. "I feel I'm letting everyone down."
"Stop saying sorry," Helen almost screamed.
"Sor-", started Jessica and then realised what she was about to say and shut her mouth only to give a nervous giggle when Helen glanced across.
There wasn't time for any other discussions as there was a knock on the door and Susan, who was sitting closest to the door, let Mr Hobson in.
"From a discussion with Stacy, it seems you had a nice trip to Tesco. Sounds like you had a thrilling afternoon," said Mr Hobson, taking the offered seat.
"It might have been less exciting if we'd actually gone into the store," I retorted and got an elbow in my ribs from Helen.
"Were you okay with the extra surprise trip?"
"It was interesting," said Elaine. "It seems that some people had to make some very hard decisions."
"Such as?" Mr Hobson enquired, his face showing genuine interest at what we thought.
"Not being able to tell others about what they did during the war," murmured Martha.
"Coventry incident," added Brian.
"It was a hard time and sometimes people have to make choices they don't like. You are the first year we have done this trip with. Do you think it's worth it?"
"It certainly shows us that others have had to keep secrets, including from their families," I said, just in case any of the others hadn't got the message. From the looks of 'Duh!', I think it hadn't needed to be spelt out.
"Anything else?"
"War is never a pretty thing," sighed Monica, who never really said much, but when she did she was always someone worth listening too. "I lost an Uncle in Vietnam and a Grandparent in World War 2. If things can be done to shorten a war, or prevent it from occurring, then it's a good thing."
I thought Monica had finished, but she wasn't as she took a deep breath and continued, "However, sometimes I think that governments try to keep too much control over people after the event. They keep laws in place, just on the chance that it might occur again. They take away peoples freedoms in the name of security."
There was a stunned silence after Monica's little speech.
"Do you see the school like that," eventually asked Mr Hobson.
"In some ways yes," she replied, shaking a bit. "We've been given a safe place to live, provided with an excellent education and food. Yet for that, we have restrictions placed upon us, not just now while we're in school, but also after we leave school."
"First off, calm down. I'm not going to bite. I can see how Monica, and others, might think that. I think Monica was very brave to say what she did. As I tell everyone when they join Hayfield, I expect you to behave, but never be afraid to ask questions. I expect you to use your brain and understand when a question is appropriate to be asked, at a year level, like now, at a school level, such as before or after a meal, or one-to-one. Monica's point is valid and I think things need to be explained in more detail. I also think it would be polite if I ask Mr Moore to join us, since you are one of his students. Is everyone okay with that?"
There were nods of agreement, and Mr Hobson made a call to ask Mr Moore to join us.
"While we wait for Mr Moore, I just want to let you know that the card shop is now open. For the Hayfield students, the gifts you have purchased are available to wrap when you want between now and December 20th. They will be hand delivered to your family's houses from then till Christmas Eve."
There was a knock on the door. It wasn't an unknown knock, but a knock I'd heard a few times.
"Did you invite Rachel?" I asked Mr Hobson, signalling Susan to stay seated.
"No, but I'm sure Mr Moore asked her and Ellen to come along, just in case they were needed."
I glanced at the others. There were a few shakes of heads, some others shrugged.
"Sorry, but do you think they will be offended if we only allowed Mr Moore in?" I asked Mr Hobson.
"It is your year room," said Mr Hobson. "I don't think anybody has ever been refused entry before, but I don't think it will be an issue. However, if you are refusing them entry, then you must tell them yourself."
"We'll do it as joint year leaders," said Melissa standing up, pulling Aurora up as well.
The four of us went to the door and after taking a deep breath, Helen opened the door and we stepped into the hall. As predicted, there were three people at the door.
I felt a few prods in my back, indicating the others wanted me to do the speaking. "Sorry for the delay," I started, wondering how to say this without upsetting people. "Mr Moore was asked to discuss something. I'm sorry but you Dr Ruiz and Dr Hansen were not invited. I'm only authorised to allow Mr Moore in and no one else for this discussion."
Ellen and Rachel glanced at each other, quite surprised. They'd never been refused access to a year room before.
"Ellen and Rachel, I'm sorry for asking you to come with me. As Jayne said, they have the right to choose who comes into their room. I was rather presumptuous, as I don't know the subject."
I gave an apologetic shrug. Rachel smiled, saying, "Its okay. We were just a bit surprised, as it is the first time someone has ever exercised that right. Jayne, Helen, Melissa and Aurora, if you find you do need us in this chat, don't hesitate to let us know."
"Yes Miss," we chorused. Helen opened the door and we followed Mr Moore into the room.
Mr Hobson filled in Mr Moore on what Monica had said. Mr Moore nodded and said, "Sounds like a reasonable question. It's something which we don't normally get asked by students so young."
"Indeed," agreed Mr Hobson. "So, you're probably all wondering what would happen if you did approach your families after leaving school?"
There were quite a few nods.
"Nothing," he said simply.
"Nothing?" I asked, surprised.
"What could we do?" Mr Hobson asked. "It is a school rule, but you will have left school. There is no national or international law, and therefore you wouldn't be arrested or anything like that."
"So what stops someone doing it then?"
"Personal restraint," explained Mr Moore. "When a student leaves the school, they understand the impact that seeing their family will have. They don't want to cause any possibility that the school would no longer be able to help others. Does that help?"
"I suppose, but what about now? Aren't we restricted now?" thought Monica.
"No more than most students who are at boarding school. The school is responsible for you and most schools would be upset if the students left the school grounds without permission."
"No," disagreed Jessica. "Most other students are allowed to go home at holiday times, such as the summer holidays, Christmas and Easter. Here we aren't."
"Very true," agreed Mr Hobson. "But you were all told that you couldn't go home at holidays before you agreed to join the school, even though one of you did try to run away."
"Never again," muttered Jessica, not wanting others to know what Helen and I knew, that it wasn't a true attempt to leave the school.
"Mr Moore, wouldn't that be, well, like a major breach of security?" Ruth asked.
"Yes," he replied, looking quite surprised. Mr Hobson hadn't told him about Jessica's attempt to run away.
"Like what happened with Gregory?" queried Emma, her mind thinking about what they had been told over the last few days.
"Yes Emma, it would be handled the same way," Mr. Hobson answered rather plainly and unemotionally.
"You mean that Hayfield would-" Jessica started.
"Hayfield Hall would have to be abandoned," Mr Hobson finished.
"What about us?" Sam said, sounding very worried.
"I don't know how long it would take to find another place. It might take a year or more. The US school was very lucky to locate the facility they did, so quickly," replied Mr Hobson. He paused to let it all sink in and then asked, "So, getting back to my original question about Bletchley Park. Do you think it would be worth others visiting there in future years?"
"It might be a good preparation before students are told about never seeing their parents again," thought Paula out loud.
"I suppose for us it was reinforcement and told us that we aren't the only people that have had to keep a secret," said Wesley. "Perhaps it would be good for older years too."
"Thank you for acting as guinea pigs," smiled Mr Hobson. "Are there any other questions?" There was no answer. "Great, we'll see you in twenty minutes for your evening meal. Tomorrow is a special day, so make sure you all have a good sleep."
Mr Moore turned and looked towards Monica and paused for a moment, as if he was trying to decide if he should say something. "Your Uncle Frank died protecting hundreds of people, including my older brother, from an attack on a MASH unit. Your Grandfather, Gerry, died in Pearl Harbour after pulling six people to safety. You should be proud of your family."
"Oh, I am," muttered a stunned Monica. Nobody had ever told her before how her Uncle had died.
As the two head teachers walked out of the year room, we all grabbed our PDA's to look at tomorrows, Tuesday 13th December, schedule. Nothing was there, apart from orchestra practice in the afternoon.
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Synopsis:
Why do events that cause issues always occur?
Story:
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 33
There was still nothing on the schedule when we woke up. I had an idea that Mr Hobson was teasing us, but it wasn't like him to do such a thing. If it had been Brenda, I would have understood.
"I'm sure things will become clearer after breakfast," said Helen. "Now put down your PDA and let's have a snuggle before we go and wear ourselves out with our morning exercise."
Now who was I to refuse an offer like that? Our relationship had grown to one of mutual affection and was much more evenly balanced than when Helen first fancied me two years ago. Then Helen was more the protector. Today, there was nothing really to hide from, or to fear. Well there was, but Helen was generally a good girl and both knew that we would be in serious trouble if our relationship turned sexual. Anyway, besides getting nauseous at any thoughts of having sex, we were far too young.
At first, our morning exercise had seemed a bit of a chore, but as we'd both got fit, it was more fun. Even though we didn't need to go out every morning, if we didn't, we seemed to miss the way it removed the cobwebs from the previous night.
"After Christmas, why don't we start a morning run?" I asked Helen, as we made our way back toward our room.
"Don't you like cycling?" she asked, giving me an enquiring glance.
I smiled inwardly at the way she'd asked the question. It was full of concern and love, with no sign of malice. "Oh sure, but I thought it would be a nice change."
"How about we cycle one day and run the next? Then we get the benefit of both forms of exercise?"
"I suppose that sounds like a fair compromise," I agreed, relieved that she had agreed and she hadn't taken offence. She really had taken to cycling and as we'd got fitter, it was enjoyable.
We weren't the first to our year room, but we weren't far behind. Melissa, Aurora, Ruth and Michelle were waiting outside, looking at a big box outside our room. A big label on it said 'Year One and Year D. Not to be opened till after breakfast'. Nobody had said anything about a box being delivered, which in itself was unusual, but we'd only been at the school five months, so perhaps this was something new that we'd yet to experience.
This was one of the other strange things about the school. The year room was private and even teachers could not enter without permission. Yet our bedrooms weren't as private and things like clothes were being put in everyday. Most places you would think your bedroom was a sanctuary, here at school it was your year room.
"What do you think it is?" asked Melissa, having looked and failing to find any further clue.
"A bomb?" laughed Ruth and got a friendly tap from Michelle.
"So, no hints from our four experts?" asked Aurora, which got some faked blank-looks from the four Beta members, and a rebuke from Melissa.
"I do have an idea," I said reluctantly. I'd had a thought last night before bed, but didn't mention it to Helen just in case I was wrong. I know we are supposed to be fully open with our partners and I know Helen wouldn't really have laughed if I was wrong, but the nagging feeling of opening up too much was still there. I'd thought about mentioning the reluctance to be too open to Rachel, but I'd yet to get the courage. Anyway, I think I should mention it to Helen first. Maybe later.
"Oh?" came five other voices, jarring me from my internal thoughts.
"How many days are there till Christmas?"
"Twelve," they responded, remembering what date today was.
"Oh, isn't that the day that the Christmas decorations go up?" asked Helen, getting excited. I gave a weak smile, glad that I had remembered correctly and also glad that Helen had been paying attention. Perhaps I should have discussed it with her last night. Oh well, to late now.
"Well let's drag this box into the common room, and not say anything to the others. It will be interesting to see how many others work it out," laughed Melissa, her eyes gleaming with excitement.
"Oh, there's Wendy," I said, spying Jessica's older sister with her partner heading towards their year room. "I'll catch you all at breakfast."
"Err, Wendy," I called, rushing along the hall, as she stopped and looked. "Can I have a word?"
"Sure" she said, as I caught up with them. "Oh, how's my little sister doing?"
"A lot better now. We are all having lessons on how to deal with stress."
"That sounds like a good idea. I remember how hard year one was, getting used to a totally different way of learning. So, what can I do for you?"
"I don't know how to ask this," I admitted.
"Jayne, I won't let her bite," said Yvonne, trying to make me relax a bit. I thought about sticking my tongue out at her, but was too nervous to do so.
"Jessica mentioned something last night about us speaking Russian too formally."
"I suppose you do," Wendy admitted, after a moments thought. "Your accent isn't quite right either. I'd not thought of it before, probably because I was so used to hearing non-Russians speaking too formally. It doesn't seem to be something the American, or our Russian teacher, have either noticed or understood. I suppose it doesn't really matter, as there are so many badly speaking foreigners in Russia."
I screwed up my face. That wasn't the response I'd hoped for. "Is year three less formal than the others?"
"I suppose so. When I've been helping others in the year, I have been slipping into the informal way of speaking and that has rubbed off."
"Then the school have a big difference in the way they speak. That might not be noticed internally, but you can sure bet a Russian would. There seems to be only two people who have lived in Russia for a time, you and Jessica. Jessica finds the whole idea of 'teaching' a bit stressful, but has promised to help our year."
"Are you going to mention this?" Wendy asked.
"Do you think I should?" I responded, knowing full well that I would. It was only a few weeks away, but it could be fatal for the alpha team if they had to pose as a native Russian.
"The school likes to get things correct for trips away," sighed Wendy. "You'd better report it, and I will tell Tim. So much for a quiet Christmas."
Yvonne, who had stood quietly, wrapped her arms round her partner. "You have helped me learn to almost your standard. I'll help you."
"Thanks," smiled Wendy and gave Yvonne a quick kiss. Public signs of affection were not normal. Any overt signs of affection were normally kept to the privacy of our rooms, so this was a rare thing to see.
I sent a quick note to Mr Hobson, copying in Stacy: 'Issue with Russian teaching. Seems we are all speaking too formally. Only Jessica and Wendy have noticed due to living in Russia for a time.'
I got a message back from Stacy, "Thanks for copying me. There is a special meeting tonight for you, Helen, Ruth and Michelle."
At breakfast it was plainly obvious to us all, that years two to five knew exactly what was going to happen. There was a buzz of excitement emanating from them that was far too obvious. Helen, Ruth and Michelle and I were managing to keep a straight face, but Aurora and Melissa were having a harder job.
"Melissa, what's going on?" asked Wesley.
"I don't have any definite information," she said, trying to hide her smile.
"You and Aurora know something, and you aren't hiding it very well," said Susan.
"Look, we heard a guess," said Aurora. "We just don't want to spread rumours that might not be true."
"Matilda seems to know something," added Wesley, looking across at year B. "Though it doesn't appear that anybody else in year A, B or C have any idea."
"The Munchkin has probably hacked the computer systems again, or something," laughed Phil.
"It isn't a laughing matter," said Aurora, laughing herself. When she stopped she nodded, "You're probably right, though."
I pulled out my PDA and sent Matilda a message: 'Which computer system did you hack?' I showed Helen who started to choke on her orange juice. I got some enquiring looks from others at the table. I just smiled and sat back to watch Matilda's reaction and let Helen tell the others.
Matilda got the message and had a similar reaction to Helen's, before giving a look that resembled a small child that had just been caught with her hand in the biscuit tin. Perhaps orange juice at breakfast isn't a good thing to have. It gave us all a good laugh and set us up for a day of fun.
"Can I have your attention," said Mr Hobson, over a much noisier group of students than usual. We all quickly calmed down and he continued. "As the mathematicians among you have probably worked out, today is twelve days before Christmas. For our guests that haven't been informed, that is the day that we put up our festive decorations."
A loud cheer erupted from the upper years, which quickly spread to the younger people present. Mr Hobson let it ride for a few minutes and waved his hands when he thought it had gone on long enough. "Having so many more students certainly raises the volume. Now in a few minutes, the hot breakfasts will be served. While you eat, an update will be sent to your PDA's detailing what room or area you will help decorate. In the original part of Hayfield Hall the ceilings are very high, therefore special scaffolding will be given and special safety precautions must take place. If anyone is scared of heights, there is plenty to do at lower levels. Each area will be assigned a leader, whose directions you will follow. Leaders might not be in the top year and they might not be year leaders. So if you are assigned a leaders job, then use that time to learn. Remember, leaders can always ask for advice if they are unsure. Any questions? Then enjoy breakfast."
Some sitting at our table lost their appetite in the excitement, others tucked in with gusto, wanting to be fully fed for today's activities. Not surprisingly, Helen was one who liked to tackle the day on a full stomach and she encouraged me to follow her lead. Everyone had their PDA sitting on the table, ready for any information on what they would be doing. Just as we were finishing, our PDA's all tinged with updates to our schedules. We repositioned ourselves so that the two tables for our age could discuss things together.
"I'm helping in the main hall," said Jill, always quick on the draw.
"I'd hate to have that one, I don't like heights," said Brian. "I'm decorating the classroom corridors."
"I thought all lessons would have stopped," said Anna. "Oh, I'm not with Jill, I'm decorating in here."
"We will still have language lessons and music," I said. "Don't forget there will be some lessons for stress tomorrow morning."
"Seems Wendy and I have a meeting with Mr Hobson after breakfast," sighed Jessica, knowing too well what it was about.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Helen asked.
"Thanks Helen, but I think I'll be okay. Mr Hobson knows not to burden me too much, so I think I'll be okay. I'm then working on decorating the cinema area."
"Snap," interrupted Ruth, signalling she had the same as Jessica.
"I'm to LEAD in bringing in the Christmas tree," said Emma in shock.
"Oh, well done, Emma," congratulated Paula.
"I wouldn't say that. I have Matilda in my group."
"There aren't any computers or security systems involved, are there?" asked Melissa.
"In bringing in and setting up a tree? I hope not."
"Then I don't expect there will be an issue," I assured her. "However, I'd expect fun to be had by all. Also, listen to her, she has great ideas and often sees a bigger picture than others. Don't let her size fool you. If she was as tall as her heart dictated, she would be the tallest person in her year."
"Okay," Emma nodded slowly.
"It seems I'm a leader for putting some decorations up outside," said Monica. "I'm shocked, after what I said yesterday."
"You know that Mr Moore doesn't hold grudges and I don't expect that Mr Hobson does either," said Melissa.
"Yesterday, Mr Hobson said that he thought it was a good question. He seems to be the type of teacher that would be more upset if you didn't ask the question than if you did."
After we'd all finished breakfast I went to the upstairs bedroom corridor to help in decoration. The mysterious school caretakers had positioned boxes of tinsel, streamers, balloons and banners for us. There were also another box of items to help keep things up, such as drawing pins, string and blue-tack. Just as I started to climb one of the provided stepladders, the gentle sound of White Christmas started to come out of our PDA's. The name Matilda flashed through my thoughts.
As I pulled out my PDA, to reset the system, I found out I was in error. "Welcome to Hayfield Hall Radio. My name is Julia and I'm your DJ for the next few hours. Please send any request for festive music of any taste to me and I'll see what I can do. Many thanks must go to a mysterious Munchkin from The Manor, for providing such a great idea."
"Way to go Matilda!" called a young girl, who was blowing up balloons. That caused some laughter from others who were beavering away.
"Are you Matilda's sister?" I asked, spying a walking stick next to her.
"I sure am, though I much prefer Rachel," she replied.
"I'm Jayne," I said, wondering how to introduce myself. "I have advanced lessons with Matilda. You don't kick, do you?"
"No, when people upset me regarding my name, I use my cane," she replied very seriously, while patting its decorative knob. "At first, everyone at The Manor kept referring to me as Matilda's sister. After a while, it started to upset me. Sure, I am Matilda's sister, but there is a lot more to me than that. I'm smart, inventive and I have a charming personality."
Her voice got a bit louder as she finished talking. I think this was something she was very passionate about and I wasn't the first she'd had this speech with.
"I'm sorry," I said humbly, bowing my head. "I sincerely apologise for any upset I may have inadvertently caused."
"Oh don't be silly," she laughed. "It's funny; but the other month we went to Australia and someone asked if Matilda was my little sister. That made me feel better, but poor Matilda, she was mad as anything."
I wandered back to my work, chuckling to myself, thinking how Rachel seemed like a nice person. At first I felt a bit sorry for her, being injured the way she was, but as time went on I started to look beyond that. Sure, she did remind me a bit of Matilda, but there was something different about her. She, like others at our schools, had suffered. Perhaps in other ways she is different from the others, as her suffering still continued and yet she didn't let it stop her.
My thoughts were interrupted, as any good thoughts often are, by someone raising their voice. It wasn't a voice raised in anger or hatred, no this was a voice raised in concern.
"Rachel, if you fall I'm going to be in so much trouble," called a voice from across the hall. I'd seen him with Year E from The Manor, but I'd still to learn all of their names.
"Bob, it doesn't seem fair for me to just stand around and blow up the balloons," she said, her face full of determination. "I don't want everyone else having to do more work to cover for me."
"Rachel, you aren't slacking," responded Bob, lowering his voice as he got closer. "Heck, you seem to be working harder than the rest of us. You have blown up enough balloons to decorate two halls and you did that after untangling that massive pile of tinsel."
"But-"
"How about I hold the ladder?" I suggested. I then crossed my fingers as I lied, "I'm not too keen on heights, so passing items up to Rachel will let me recover a bit."
"Works for me. Is that okay, Bob?" Rachel said sarcastically.
"Carry on, just make sure you do it safely," he said, after a moment's thought.
"Thanks, Jayne," smiled Rachel, as I passed her the end of paper chain.
"Does your leg often stop you doing things?" I enquired.
"No, school is really great about it. Sports would have been an issue in a standard school, but here, things are different."
"Tell me about it. I always hated sports, but here I'm doing the important thing of keeping fit, which I always tried to avoid before. I suppose I used to keep fit keeping away from bullies."
"Yeah, but they always catch you in the end," she sighed. "At The Manor, I've started to learn how to look after myself. I'm taking a self defence class on Saturday mornings, which has continued while we are at Hayfield."
"Did you feel unsafe after what was done to you?"
"Wouldn't you?"
"Yes, I did," I said sadly.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't think."
"Oh don't be silly. Now, where are we putting the next items?"
After a few hours, the upstairs bedroom corridor looked as festive as we could make it. I stood and looked with satisfaction at what we'd managed to achieve. It had been nice for once not to be in charge and learn from others who were.
As we went back to our common room to wait for lunch, we gasped at the sight of the Christmas tree in the entrance lobby. It was situated near the stair and went higher than the already tall ceiling, reaching towards the first floor (Second floor for my new found American friends).
I would have thought there would have been lights on the tree, but it seemed not. There were plenty of baubles, tinsel and a large star at the top, but not a single flashing light.
The way the rest of entrance had been dressed was a marked contrast to the tree. It had been cleverly designed to focus the eye on the main attraction. I eventually saw a very satisfied Emma lurking at the far side, watching our reaction.
"You like?" she asked, as I wandered across to her.
"Yes, but how?"
"How what?"
"How did you do it?"
"Oh I didn't. I asked if anybody had design experience, and someone did. We came up with a plan and here it is."
"But you were the leader?"
"I'm not sure. I just took what you said, and listened to other people's suggestions and organised how we were going to do it. I didn't really do much leading."
"Yeah, right," I thought to myself. "This wouldn't have happened this quickly and well if things weren't led properly."
"How was Matilda? Did she cause issues?"
"Not at all. She is very bright. We had trouble getting the tree stable and she came up with a solution when nobody else could. She is rather shy and hung back till I asked her for her opinion."
"She was a bit like that with the computers. I wonder if she is still learning to work in a team, or trusting people outside her year, or school."
"Could be, but whatever she is, wow. Her size makes her look very young and I almost forgot your warning not to judge her."
Others from the year appeared, having finished their tasks, and the praise again started to be poured onto Emma.
When we were all nicely settled back into our undressed common room, Sam asked Jessica, "How did your meeting go with Mr Hobson?"
"Oh, it was a lot better than I thought. He chatted away and I actually think I forgot he was the headmaster. He wanted to know exactly what was wrong and how much we would stand out."
"And?" I prompted, wanting to know the outcome.
"We gave him some examples and he is going to come up with a plan, which he said he would announce at lunch."
"It's nearly lunch now," muttered Lewis.
"Down boy," laughed Ruth. "It's not quite time yet."
"While we wait, why don't we have a look to see what decorations we have? Then we can think what we can do with them," I suggested.
All the boxes were dragged out and the contents dumped in the middle of the room. They were all good quality, new decorations. There was a note at the bottom of the box:
Take good care of your decorations. These are yours for the next few years and will move with you as you go through school.
There were the usual decorations, but Emma, who must have really got into tree decorating suddenly asked, "Can we get a small tree that we can decorate and put in the corner? It wouldn't be the same without a tree in the lounge, and this is about as close to a lounge as we will have while here."
I looked across at the other three year leaders, and after a few shrugs and nods, sent a message to Mr Hobson. We got no response before it was time for lunch.
"Can I have your attention," said Mr Hobson, standing up before the lunch was served. It is a good job we were all pretty obedient as we could all make quite a noise, especially when Lewis's stomach was rumbling. "Thanks to the excellent observations of Wendy and Jessica, it has been discovered that our Russian is too formal. Since we are there for just a short time and want to appear as tourists, it isn't a bad thing. However, it would help to better understand how the locals speak, so that in an emergency they can make themselves understood better. So I'm asking for two people from each year, and each school, to attend a few extra classes. Please could the relevant people please let me know who will be attending."
There was a slight murmur, which Mr Hobson let ride, before continuing, "Next, I have walked all over the school and am very impressed with the fantastic effort everybody made. However, that was not a very good place to put the sleigh and reindeer without proper equipment, but it certainly looks impressive."
That started more murmurs about what was going on and many of us decided to have a good look outside after the meal. "Lastly," continued Mr Hobson, "we have had a request of a small artificial tree in a year lounge, to make it feel more like home. What I want to know is why nobody has ever asked before, or why I never thought of it myself before? So year-one and D have had their request approved and if any other years would like one, the year leaders know where to send the request."
Since we were split over two tables, there wasn't any possibility of us discussing who would volunteer for the languages. Jessica was already very fluent, but as a beta person, I wanted to make sure that if needed, I could blend.
After a very quick lunch, we all rushed outside to see what Mr Hobson meant by improper positioning of the sleigh and reindeer. At first I couldn't see them. It was Wesley that suddenly shouted, "Look at the roof!"
We all looked up and there was the sleigh as if it had parked on the rooftop. I'm not sure who did it, or how they did it, but they had done a brilliant job. No wonder Mr Hobson had been upset, as there wasn't any proper lifting equipment on site to get everything up there. Monica was nowhere in sight.
* * *
That night, we were again escorted by Brenda to the beta meeting. Since it was after our curfew, we had to make sure that we weren't spotted by anybody from the top two years, as their curfews were two hours later. I thought it was just going to be the four of us from our year, which is what Stacy had earlier implied. However, we stopped on the way to get Fran and Ingrid before making our way stealthily to the hidden basement room.
"Sorry about the short notice for this meeting," said Stacy. "Initially this was just going to be for Jayne, Helen, Ruth and Michelle, to tell them the results of a competition they had in Milton Keynes the other day. However, Kriss has an update for the forthcoming trip, which you should all be aware of."
Kriss rolled out a map of Moscow. "It seems that the area where the documents are stored before getting put onto the computer has been getting full. So they have split their document storage now across two buildings, some kilometres apart. The Alpha team from The Manor will visit the building we'd already targeted. Hayfield's Alpha team will go to the new storage facility."
"Isn't what we want going to be on computers?" I enquired.
"We hope so," said Stacy. "However, there is a lot of backlog, hence why physical document storage is currently overflowing. I'll put out a new map on the other desk, so everyone can examine the areas again in more detail."
It was approaching eleven when the phone on the far wall started to ring. That was something that nobody expected and a few of us jolted up from our studying to see what was going on. Stacy calmly went to the phone and after taking a deep breath, picked it up. There is one annoying thing with listening to people on phones; you only hear one side of the conversation.
"Hi. Oh hi ... yes they're here ... okay, we'll be there in a few minutes."
We had all stopped studying the maps as we waited to see what Stacy would say. By the look on her face, she looked rather upset.
"Listen up everyone, there has been a bit of a development. Wendy and Jessica's Dad has just been involved in a car crash. Please continue and Brenda will ensure everything is secure when you leave. Jayne and Helen, can you please come with me? There are a few things that need to be sorted."
Notes:
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Synopsis:
Christmas is rapidly approaching, but it isn't happy times in the Barnes house. How will the school react to Jessica's and Wendy's Dad's car crash?
Story:
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
In total silence, Helen and I followed Stacy into the main part of the school. I still found it eerie, wandering down a dimly lit corridor. Stacy suddenly stopped and signalled Helen and I to retreat slightly into the shadows. The corridor lights to certain parts of the school were dimmed during the night, as they were generally not needed. They weren't switched off totally, to make any potential evacuation during the night safer.
"Hi Stacy," came a male voice. "Checking up on the decorations in the theatre?"
"Oh, hi Ryan. I'm just making sure all was okay, just in case we have a film later in the week. We wouldn't want a repeat of mistletoe hanging down in front of the projector again."
Ryan gave a loud laugh as he obviously remembered whatever Stacy was referring. "No wonder Brenda has been given other duties the last few years; though she certainly corrupted Monica this year."
"Don't worry; it won't go without me mentioning it. Damn, I think I missed a light. See you later."
"I'm off to bed, see you tomorrow."
"Sleep well." Stacy turned round towards us.
After a minute, Stacy beckoned us to continue and we made it safely to Mr Hobson's office. He was waiting for us and ushered us to the settee.
"Sorry for interrupting you all," started Mr Hobson, stopping when there was a knock on the door.
"Do you recognise that one?" Mr Hobson asked, glancing at me.
"Julia," I replied confidently.
"Come in Julia," Mr Hobson almost shouted, showing great faith in my abilities.
"Er, you asked me to get here quickly," puffed Julia, glancing at the three of us. "Would it be best that I wait outside?"
"No, this concerns you. After we have finished, I want you to go and see Dr Ruiz."
Julia just nodded as she took one of the single seat chairs. Obviously, something that was going to be upsetting to Julia was going to be discussed. Julia realised that, as she sat rather stiffly, bracing herself for the worst.
"At just before ten past ten this evening, there was a car crash involving Mr Barnes, Wendy and Jessica's father. We got a phone call, which I have verified to be true, on the emergency contact number about fifteen minutes ago from Mrs Barnes. Mr Barnes is in Cumberland Infirmary and he is unlikely to live. I've asked for Dr Dine to come in and she will be here in about twenty minutes."
I couldn't imagine how this fitted in with Julia. It didn't seem that Helen could either, as she looked as puzzled as I felt. Stacy on the other hand hid her puzzlement quite well, but her finely shaped eyebrows appeared slightly flatter as if she was trying to work out the connection.
"The same MO?" queried Julia, her voice sounding very peculiar. Julia obviously understood the connection.
"Close enough to be an almost duplicate. It seems Mr Barnes was lucky that it didn't cause a crash with any other vehicle."
"They must be stopped," muttered Julia, shaking with a mixture of rage and upset.
"Oh they will be stopped, you can be certain of that. I thought it was best you heard it from me, rather than on the grapevine in the morning," said Mr Hobson, putting his hand over Julia's hand. "I'm also going to have to explain all this to Stacy, Helen, and Jayne."
"I know," said Julia, obviously finding hard to keep her tears in check.
"Ms Toms, why don't I take you to see Rachel?" I offered, standing up.
"I'll be along to sit with you in about an hour," said Mr Hobson, opening the door.
There was no need for me to accompany Julia any further than Mr Hobson's door, as Rachel was already waiting there. Rachel gave me a small smile of thanks and put her arm round Julia to offer her physical and mental support during their journey to her office.
When the door to Mr Hobson's office was closed and I was seated, Mr Hobson continued, "After we've had this small meeting, Tim and Dr Dine will be joining us to discuss what has happened and plan on giving Wendy and Jessica the support that they will need. Before that, I need to discuss items related to the crash that killed Jill's mother. Do you all know about it?"
Helen and I nodded our heads, having heard the story twice. Stacy however wasn't aware of the facts.
"I won't give you the whole story about how Bill became Jill, which isn't important at the moment," said Mr Hobson. "However, Jill's sister, Beth, and mother were in their car when it was hit by another car. The driver of the car that hit them was above the legal alcohol limit. Jill's mother died and Beth was seriously injured, and for a short period was in a coma."
"Besides both being car accidents, what has this to do with the Mr Barnes?" Helen enquired.
"When Julia joined the school, the IT systems were good, but they weren't exceptional. She started upgrading the security and closed numerous loopholes. She received a note that if she continued at the school, there would be repercussions. She was stabbed, which we don't think was to do with that note and then there was the accident. So not to worry her, Jill was never told that there was a third car involved, which actually forced the other car into Mrs Toms. Beth still hasn't regained her memory of the accident."
"Did they mean to kill?" I asked shocked.
"I don't know. Since the driver of the other car was drunk, it probably added a degree of uncertainty into it all. Tonight, a car forced Mr Barnes off the road in a very similar manner. It seems that they don't want Jessica and Wendy helping with the Russian language issues and the trip."
Stacy, who had been very quiet, suddenly spoke up, "That is just conjecture. You have no proof."
"True," agreed Mr Hobson. "I only can go off a hunch and a nasty feeling about it all. For months now little things have happened, like the leak in France, and the leak to MI6. No, somebody is trying to disrupt our trip to Russia. Till we get proof that it isn't linked, I have to assume the worst."
"So what happens to Jessica and Wendy?" I asked.
"Something very risky," shuddered Stacy. "If their Dad is dying, then they have to go home for a small break. It wouldn't be fair on them not to."
"But isn't that a risk to the school?" Helen thought aloud.
"Oh yes, but what else can we do?" said Mr Hobson. "If they went home in male mode it might help, but that would be very hard on both children. This is something that we need to discuss in a minute, first with Dr Dine and Tim, then with Jessica and Wendy. Just remember that the leak, and information about Julia, must stay secret."
Mr Hobson got three 'we aren't stupid' looks, which he just laughed away. Mr Hobson was often very formal, but when you sat with him privately, he was almost approachable. It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door and Mr Hobson let in Tim, the year three leader.
"I'm sorry for disturbing your sleep," apologised Mr Hobson, steering him towards the settee.
"Since Helen and Jayne are here, is this something to do with Wendy and Jessica?" said Tim, stifling a yawn.
Before Mr Hobson could answer, there was another knock and Dr Tracy Dine joined us in the room.
"Sorry for disturbing you all, but a situation has developed which I need to discuss with all of you. Tonight, we received a telephone call from Mrs Barnes on the school emergency number. Mr Barnes has been involved in a road traffic accident and is seriously ill, possibly terminal, in hospital. I want your thoughts on how Wendy and Jessica will react to being told the news and a protocol for them going home to be with their family."
"Going home for good?" Helen asked.
"No, just till they are ready to return to school."
"Wendy will be very upset," said Tim. "She was very close to both her parents before coming here."
"Jessica won't be as upset, unless she opens the letter her Dad sent her a few months ago. If she does then she will be absolutely distraught," I added.
"How do you know what's in the letter?" asked Tim.
"Because we overheard Mr and Mrs Barnes talking about it while we were at Disney. We sat next to them during the parade. Basically, in the letter he is apologising for the way he didn't support him, and asks for forgiveness."
The ringing of Mr Hobson's PDA interrupted our discussion. He wasn't on it for long and mostly just said 'yes' and 'okay'.
"Well that was information from the hospital. Mr Barnes is still in theatre and the surgeons are battling to save his life. The chances of him surviving such injuries are very remote and it would be best if we tell Wendy and Jessica as soon as possible. The last question to you both, do you think it is mentally possible for them to go as male?"
Tracy didn't hesitate in saying, "Wendy is happier being female, but she is used to presenting as male when needed, without issue. As long as she knows she will be back female, then she should be okay. Jessica is a different matter. She has only been dressed as male once since her attempted suicide, and that was at the mix-up Monday the other day. How Jessica will take it is very difficult to tell. It was very hard to get her to try to be Richard again, even though she knew it was just for the day. I'm not sure how well she will take being Richard if it is for several days."
"Would Jessica be well enough to go home if she went as Jessica?" asked Mr Hobson. "Would it be better if she read the letter first?"
"The letter could be raised by Mrs Barnes and might become a big issue while home," surmised Tracy. "It might be better if the letter was read here and then could be dealt with in a safe environment."
"Is there time for that?" I queried. "If her Dad is seriously ill in hospital, possibly dying, is there time for the letter issue to be sorted?"
There were many sighs and looks of concern on most of the faces present. Having a student in an uncontrolled situation was not something that anybody involved with the school wanted.
"Has anybody else got any comments before I come to a decision?" asked Mr Hobson.
When nobody spoke, Mr Hobson continued, "After we finish this meeting, the relevant year heads will go and wake the affected student and partner to break the news. Tim, you probably will find you need some special help from Andrew. If Jessica still hasn't read the letter, then don't mention it. A small suitcase for them and their study partner will be put together and then they should be off to Carlisle. Tracy, when you arrive at their parent's house, please inform Mrs Barnes that the letter has not been read, and it might be best for it not to be mentioned."
"What gender do they go as?" Helen asked.
"That is up to them. They are the ones who know how they feel and how they will be able to cope. Whatever choices they make, I will agree with. If either chose female, we will deal with it. I'm not going to allow a student to be potentially suicidal because it would be inconvenient to the rest of the school. There will be a vehicle waiting outside in an hour. Now snap to it."
As we filed out, Stacy told us, "I'm here for the year heads if they need to unburden themselves. I'm sure the next week isn't going to be easy."
As we approached the bedrooms, Helen asked, "Are they in the same room as each other?"
I thought about checking the computer system, and considered if it would be appropriate to bypass the security system to check. I quickly decided it wouldn't, as Tim and Andrea, sorry Andrew, didn't have that luxury.
"There is enough going on without me having to write a report to Julia," I answered. "Why don't I knock on Jessica's door, and you knock on Sam's. We enter after a few seconds and if they aren't there go through the adjoining door."
Helen scurried off to Sam's door and on her nod, we both knocked. There was no answer so I entered after a few seconds. The room was dark, so I pressed a switch, which I knew turned on a small lamp by the bedroom settees. It was helpful that all the rooms were set up the same. The bed was empty, so I quickly made my way to the interconnecting door. I was just about to open the door when it flew open and hit me in my face.
"Be careful," I snapped, rubbing my face.
"Sorry," said Jessica, rushing to her wardrobe for a dressing gown.
"How much has Helen said?" I asked.
"Nothing yet. As soon as she came in, I ran in here," she said, embarrassed to be seen in nightwear.
I entered Sam's room and found Sam still hidden under the duvet.
"Look, why don't Jayne and I come back in few minutes," Helen said.
"What are you doing here, anyway?" asked Jessica, coming back into Sam's room.
"We need to discuss something urgent with you both. Since Sam seems to be very embarrassed, we will go into Jessica's room. When Sam is ready, give us a shout and we can discuss what we need to."
"How is your face?" Helen asked, as we closed the interconnecting door behind us.
"Sore," I said, giving it another rub. "My nose hurts the worst."
I noticed an unopened letter on the side and went to examine it. It was stamped Carlisle and dated just after our trip to France. I grabbed it and put it in one of my jeans pocket. I was so glad I'd not worn a skirt as Helen had wanted me to.
"It looks a bit red. I think you should go see the nurse to make sure nothing is broken."
"In the morning," I sighed. "After all this is finished, I think all I'll want to do is go to sleep. Anyway, the nurse will be fast asleep, and I don't want to wake her for something not life threatening."
"There is always at least one nurse on duty in the school hospital," retorted Helen.
I didn't have chance to say anything because there was a knock on the door. "I'll open it," Helen called out to stop Jessica opening the door, as she didn't want a sore face too.
"How's your face?" asked Jessica as we walked back into Sam's room. Sam now had a dressing gown on and looked a lot less embarrassed.
"I'll survive. Why don't you two settle down on the settee, and Helen and I will perch on the end of the bed?"
"What's going on?" asked Sam, sitting down with Jessica.
"Mrs Barnes has rung the emergency number because Mr Barnes is very ill after being involved in a car crash," I started.
"Will he be okay?" asked Sam. Jessica was too shocked to say anything.
"The doctors are doing all they can," said Helen. "However, Mr Hobson thought that it would be a good idea for Jessica to go, and you Sam, to go along as comfort."
"I don't want to go," Jessica spoke for the first time since the revelation.
I glanced at Helen who also looked shocked. Her Dad was in hospital, seriously ill and she didn't want to go?
"Why should I go?" continued Jessica, as she saw our surprised faces through her teary eyes. "My Dad always treated me like shit. Here, I'm away from all that, and now you want me to go back for good!"
"Jessica," I started. I thought this needed to be done with a more personal touch. I went across and knelt in front of her. "Your Dad is so ill he could die. If you don't see him now, you might never have the chance to sort things out. My mother is still riddled with guilt because she feels she didn't help her brother enough and that was seventeen years ago. I don't want that same guilt eating you up."
We stayed there for what appeared to be ages, though was probably about a minute. Sam's arms were wrapped around Jessica. Nobody spoke as only Jessica could make the decision.
"How long will we be gone?". I breathed a sigh of relief. I was tempted to get Jessica to read the letter, but thought now wasn't the time. She might refuse and again rebel against going, or if she did read it, be hours before she was able to travel. If Mr Barnes was as ill as Mr Hobson had implied, then Jessica and Wendy needed to get there as quick as possible.
"As long as you need to," said Helen joining me. "Tim has gone to tell Wendy. Tracy will be going with you. The car will be out front in about forty minutes."
"How should we go?" asked Jessica, trying not to cry.
"Sorry?"
"Should I go as Richard?" she almost shouted in frustration.
"Oh, that is up to you. It is the first time that someone has ever rung the emergency number, so everything is up in the air. What is most important is being there for your Dad. The school will deal with any repercussions. It might be best if Sam goes as the same gender you do, so you can share the same room. Sleeping bags will be provided. Why don't we go to Jessica's room while you discuss it between yourselves? We need to inform people, so plans can be put into place."
"I'll be okay to go as a girl or boy," said Sam.
Jessica took a deep breath and bit her upper lip. "I'll go as Richard."
"Are you sure?" I asked, surprised at the choice Jessica had chosen.
"Yes. Mum will be in enough of a shock without me turning up as Jessica."
"Okay, I will inform everyone. Do you need your hair sorted? Stacy and Brenda are still awake and either of them could do it."
"Do you think they could make it look more masculine without taking too much off the length?"
"I'll have a word with them," I said, rising. "Sam, as per before, can you keep a close eye on Jessica?"
"I didn't plan to leave Jessica's side," smiled Sam, "but it's nice you had the same thought."
"I'm not planning on committing suicide," complained Jessica.
"You probably aren't, but this is all very stressful and we just want to make sure you're fine. I'll let you know who will sort out your hair. We'll see you in the entrance."
We left the room and paused outside to send the required messages. I sent Stacy a message, asking about Jessica's hair. She quickly responded that it would be dealt with. Helen sent one to Mr Hobson, informing him that Richard would be going.
As we made our way out of the sleeping area, we met Kevin and Stuart (Susan), coming towards us. "Isn't it past your curfew? Is there a problem?" asked Stuart, full of concern.
This was one of the things I loved about this school. The students cared about each other. Stuart wasn't telling me off for being out after curfew, but worried about what might be wrong.
"Hi, yes there is an issue, but it's being dealt with. I'm sure it will be announced at breakfast, but Jessica and Wendy's Dad has been involved in a car crash and Tracy is going to take them home for a few days. Jessica has opted to go home in male mode, so not to cause issues. I presume Wendy will do the same."
"We'll keep it quiet," said Stuart. "Is there anything we can do to help?"
"I think everything is sorted now, but thanks for asking," smiled Helen, pleased they had asked.
"No it isn't," I suddenly blurted, remembering something I'd forgotten. "I need to sort out the travel PDA's."
"Well you know how to find us if you need to," said Kevin, before moving off towards their bedroom.
The travel PDA's were stored in Julia's office. I tried the door, but found it was locked. A quick look at my PDA and I saw that Julia was with Rachel, and Mr Hobson was with them. I didn't want to disturb them.
"Sorry, but it isn't a traditional key system, and not something I've come across," apologised Helen.
"No, it doesn't appear to be linked to the main computer systems, either. There is one person who could get us in there, but I dread to ask."
"Who?"
"Matilda," I whispered, almost afraid to mention her name. "She seemed to pass through security areas as if they didn't exist, so actually giving permission to bypass a security system might result in serious repercussions."
"It wouldn't be right to disturb Julia's discussion with Rachel," Helen said, putting her arm round mine. "Do what you feel is right. I'll support you."
I picked up my PDA to make the call, hoping Matilda wouldn't be too upset, and wouldn't tell anybody. However, just before I hit the call button, a message arrived.
"Don't worry about the travel PDA's; five were given to Tracy for you to issue. Also, don't get upset if suitcases appear in your room and Helen's. I still think there may be trouble and I might need your observant eye."
I showed the message to Helen who seemed to smile with relief. She didn't like the idea of us getting into trouble. Once again, we seemed to have slipped from trouble's evil grasp. I wonder if there was a sensor on Julia's door and that was why we got the message.
When we got to the entrance hall, Tracy was waiting with the travel PDA's. "You didn't force Jessica to go as male, did you?" she instantly enquired.
"Of course not," Helen said indignantly. "Jessica made up her own mind."
"That should make life easier. Wendy is also going as male."
It didn't seem long before four sombre children were climbing into the car. Their normal PDA's had been left in their rooms, as I had signed them onto their travel versions. Tim and Andrew stood with us as we said goodbye.
"If you need anything, just ask." Mr Hobson's voice made me jump. I'd thought he was still with Rachel and Julia, and hadn't heard him approach.
"Yes, sir," came the muted response.
The car disappeared down the drive, and all of a sudden, I felt the chill of the freezing winter night air.
"Off to bed," ordered Mr Hobson, gently steering us back inside. "I think you all have handled the situation very well. Tomorrow is going to be hard for the year leaders, so get as much sleep as you can. I will tell Stuart and Ingrid first thing in the morning, so they can be prepared."
I've never been so glad to see my own bed. It wasn't until Tracy had set off with her four male students that I started to feel tired. I've no idea how it suddenly changed, but one minute I was alert and logging people into their travel PDA and seeing them off, and then it was like a cloud of fog descended onto my brain. Neither of us undressed, but fell asleep on top of my bed.
Our PDA's, always the most trusty of school-supplied equipment, did their duty, and woke us up far too early for my liking. This morning of all mornings, when all I wanted was to sleep, I wished mine would break. Eleven days until Christmas, and four of the school pupils weren't here with their school family. I hoped they would be back in time to celebrate with the rest of us.
"I think we need to tell everyone in our year before any announcement at breakfast," Helen thought aloud.
"Yes, you are probably right. They will wonder where Jessica and Sam are. Why don't you send a message telling them of a small meeting fifteen minutes before breakfast?"
With the message gone, and after invigorating showers, we discussed what we were going to say, and the likely responses. I just hope that fifteen minutes would be enough.
Helen and I got to our year common room in good time, but we were still the last there, even though it was forty-five minutes to breakfast. I glanced at Ruth and Michelle to see if there was any sign they had told anybody. A minor shake of Ruth's head told me they had kept quiet.
"Everyone seems to be in good time," Helen said soberly.
"Jessica and Sam aren't here yet," mentioned Melissa.
"Yes, we know," I said. "Late last night, Jessica's Dad was involved in a car crash and is very ill. Therefore, Jessica and Wendy have gone home. Their study partners have gone with them to provide help where they can. Tracy has also gone."
"Was Jessica okay?" asked Paula.
"She was very upset when we told her," I answered. "However, I'm sure that Sam, Yvonne and Tracy will look after them both."
"Did Jessica go, or Richard?" asked Emma, after a moment's reflection.
"Richard, and that was Jessica's decision. Sam has also gone looking male."
"Poor Jessica. That must be very hard for her," said Emma. "I'm not sure if I would be able to."
"Jessica decided to go as Richard so not to confuse her parents. Mr Hobson said he would support any decision."
"What about protecting the school?" queried Brian. "Wouldn't that put the school at risk?"
"It is one of the decisions that I'm glad I didn't have to make," Helen admitted. "What if Jessica couldn't bear going back as Richard, and had been forced, and then while there committed suicide? How would you feel then?"
"How often has someone had to go home like this?" asked Melissa.
"This is the first time it has happened. What about at The Manor?"
"No, nothing like this has happened since the school was moved. Trying to get any information about what happened before that is very hard, but nothing has ever been mentioned."
"Jessica and Sam are coming back, aren't they?" asked Jill.
"Yes, they will be back as soon as they can. It all depends on how Mr Barnes does."
"Anna, nobody's going to bite," I said, seeing her fidgeting and biting her bottom lip, like she did when she was nervous about asking something. "I would rather you ask the question than worry later. We are all here for each other."
"I'm just nervous that people will think I'm selfish or self centred," she replied.
"Just ask," sighed Jill. "I think I know the question, and probably half the room is thinking the same thing."
"Hey, you don't have to be so sharp about it," complained Anna, rather hurt.
Jill didn't apologise, but just looked at her partner to encourage her to ask.
"Okay, since Jessica has had the opportunity to go and see her family, does that mean we might be able to see our family after we've finished school?"
"Did anybody else think that question?" Helen queried.
There were some nods and raised hands, indicating that a good deal of us had thought that question. Helen and I both indicated that the idea of seeing our families again had gone through our minds.
"I've no idea," I answered honestly. "Jessica hasn't been living as female for too long, and Wendy, though starting to grow as female, can hide things. However, it is a big risk to the school and everyone here. Jessica and Wendy both know what a risk the school is taking. I'm sure Mr Hobson and others will review things when everyone is back at school. If I don't hear anything about a review after the Russia trip, then I will ask for one. Is everyone okay with that?"
"Are they contactable?" asked Brian.
"Yes, they all have travel PDA's with them, though I wouldn't ring them, as they might be at the hospital. Perhaps send them a text message or something like that. If anybody else has a question and they are frightened about asking in front of everyone else, then see one of us, or one of the psychiatrists."
"One thing before Lewis drags us all to breakfast," said Emma, trying to laugh. Neither of us felt happy today. "Tracy is my psychiatrist. Who should I see if I have any issues that I need to discuss?"
Psychiatrist isn't really the correct word to describe the five people that we shared our school life with. Yes, they were all fully qualified psychiatrists, and each had a vast experience with their qualification. However, at this school they were a lot more. In some respects they were like surrogate parents, someone that kept an eye on us, encouraged us, were there when something went wrong and someone who always offered a shoulder for us to cry on, or might at the end of the day, tell us off if we did something naughty. Yet they weren't an actual parent. Mine were over a hundred miles away. I wonder if this is how adopted children think?
"As always, if you can't see your psychiatrist, then see one of the others. Tracy will be gone for a while, so why don't you have a word with one of the other psychiatrists, see if they can adopt you till she is back?"
This bought a small knowing smile to a few faces. Perhaps others thought of it the same way.
Breakfast is when things began to hit home. There were two empty seats at the year one and year three tables. These voids didn't go unnoticed and the rumours start flying about what was going on. Fortunately, these rumours didn't get time to fester as Mr Hobson stood up to explain. The only times I'd ever heard such silence at a meal was when Jessica had attempted suicide and when Dumbledore shouted for quiet in the Harry Potter movies.
Just as we were finishing our breakfast, my PDA warbled as if it was receiving a phone call. This wasn't unusual during the day, but during breakfast, it wasn't expected. I pulled out my PDA and smiled to see Sam named as the caller.
"Hi Sam." All the others at our table stopped their own conversations to hear what was being said.
"Give Sam and Jessica our love," called Emma.
"Everyone here says hi. So, what's happening?"
I listened while Sam told me the news. The others on the table were eager to know what was happening and looked quite frustrated, as all they could hear were my acknowledgements.
When the call finished, I was inundated with questions about how they were, how Mr Barnes was, what was happening and did they know when they would be back.
"Wow, calm down. Look, we are on several tables, so I'll tell everyone after breakfast in the comfort of our year room. Let me just inform Mr Hobson and Stacy with a summary."
It only seemed a few seconds after sending the message that Mr Hobson rose. As people gradually noticed, the noise of the room diminished enough for him to speak, "Sorry to disturb the end of your breakfast. Jayne has an update for everyone regarding Wendy, Jessica, Yvonne, and Sam."
My heart sank. I wasn't used to being in the limelight, but yet again, I was being thrust into it. Years of staying hidden hadn't prepared me for this. Why couldn't Yvonne have rung Tim? I noticed that all the eyes of the school were aimed at me, waiting for me to rise and update them. I stood; my heart beating like an express train and my legs felt like jelly. I grabbed hold of the table to steady myself and gathered my thoughts.
"Sam just rang. After a long, mostly sleepless journey, they have arrived at the Barnes house. Sam rang from the hospital where they have just been to see Mr Barnes. He is very ill and the next few hours are critical. Mrs Barnes was quite surprised to see Sam and Yvonne, but Tracy's explanation that it was a school thing, that they always travelled their closest school friend as support, seems to have been accepted. The chances of Mr Barnes surviving are currently about 30%, but it seems he has always been strong, so there is hope."
There was nothing more to say, so I sat down. There had been total silence while I spoke and it took a little time before the room reverberated again with lots of small conversations.
"Are you okay?" asked Helen. She must have noticed how nervous I was.
"My legs felt like jelly, that's why I had to grab the table. There is one good thing; I don't have to tell the same thing several times."
"Like Jelly?" puzzled Martha.
"Ah, this is one of those English verses British English things," smiled Erika. "What the British call jelly we call jello. We would have said 'my legs felt like jello'."
"Ah, okay," Martha and most of the other Americans sat at my table nodded.
The day was full of Russian lessons and music practice. With the concert looming, we needed to make sure we were perfect. The best news came just before our evening meal, this time via Yvonne. Mr Barnes was out of danger, and our friends would come back to the school late tomorrow. Tim seemed to be more confident in speaking in front of others as he relayed the announcement before we got the food.
"Do you think Mr Hobson was wrong in that Jessica's Dad's accident was deliberate?" Helen later asked me as we snuggled up in bed.
"I'm not sure. If Jessica and Wendy are coming home tomorrow then there will be chance for them to help us with perfecting our Russian. However, if something happens to delay them, then I would have to say that Mr Hobson was correct."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 35
Sleep. Oh, I was so eager for sleep. I hadn't had enough the previous night and I was so glad to get to bed. If there was a plan to disrupt the trip to Russia, it was having quite an effect on the entire school. Oh, the daily actives continued, but there wasn't the same enthusiasm. The younger years at The Manor seemed to be the least disrupted, probably because they knew a lot less of the school goings on. The only ones that seemed to understand in the younger years were Matilda and Mary Beth.
It seemed strange, but I woke up before the alarm. I looked over at the time; the alarm would go off in five minutes.
"Morning darling," murmured Helen.
"Morning," I responded, giving a little stretch. I turned over to see her smiling face. "How long have you been awake?"
"Only a few minutes. You looked so peaceful as you slept."
"Er, thanks, I think."
Helen gave a little giggle and moved closer to me. When I saw the look in her eyes I leaned across, gave her a kiss and jumped out of bed.
"Why?" she said, sounding hurt.
"Because things are hard enough at the moment, without us getting into trouble."
"Mmm, yes, things are getting hard, aren't they?"
"Go and have a shower like I'm going to," I pleaded, giving her a sad look.
"Together?"
I sighed. "Is this like how you felt in Paris and when I came back from Scotland?"
"I suppose," she eventually responded.
"I don't want us to get into trouble like last time. Now go into your bathroom and have a shower. I'll see you when we are both ready for the day."
I watched heartbroken as Helen walked to her bedroom, her shoulders slumped. As she said, "I'll see you in a few," she sounded like she was holding back the tears. I wanted to rush up to her and hug her, but was worried where that would lead. Feeling rather dejected myself, I made my way to take care of my morning duties.
As I showered, I discovered it was the best place to have a think and a bit of a cry. With the water running and the doors closed, nobody can hear you. I'd have to remember this next time I'm upset.
When we were both dressed, Helen had joined me in my room. "I'm sorry, I've been letting my hormones get the better of me again," she sniffled. "I don't know why I get like that when something exciting has happened."
"Don't worry about it. Nothing happened, and we won't get into trouble."
"Yes, but you get sick if things go too far."
"If they go too far for me," I agreed. "However, we are both too young for things to get like that. When we're sixteen it will be legal and we can see how we feel then, though it will still be against the school rules."
It was early morning, actually during our Russian lesson, that my PDA began to warble. Nobody ever rang anybody during lessons, so there wasn't any reason to put them into silent mode. It made me very uncomfortable when thirty pairs of eyes stared at me. I didn't know what to do, as this was the first time this had ever happened, so I just sat there frozen in place.
"Jayne, why don't you take it outside so you don't disturb anybody," offered our teacher, with a slight frown.
"Thanks." I made a mad dash for the door, with the sound of a few giggles ringing in my ears.
With the door safely shut, the PDA stopped ringing. I looked at the PDA and smiled at the name shown on the missed call list. I quickly rang back. "Hi, how's it going?"
"Hi Jayne, I just thought I would give you an update, but then remembered that you would be in lessons. Sorry if I've got you into trouble."
"Nobody is in trouble," I quickly reassured, hoping that I wasn't, in fact, in trouble. "So, how are things going?"
"Dad woke up late last night. This morning he is a lot more himself. The doctors are really pleased with how he's doing. It seems that the accident he was in was really bad, and Dad must be a real fighter to pull through so well."
"And?" I encouraged her to tell me the real news. Her voice was too excited to be just a plain update. Gone was the Richard voice, and it sounded just like Jessica. Had Jessica developed so much that Richard had to be forced and Jessica was the primary person?
"Dad and I had a talk this morning. He said he was sorry for the way he'd behaved last year. He talked so much it really wore him out, but he was determined to do it. He then said that it was all in the letter he sent me months ago. Could you go to my room and read the letter out to me? It is on the side."
"No it isn't," I confessed. "Tracy has it. I thought it was best she had the letter, just in case it was needed."
"Oh, thanks," she said, genuinely happy.
"Are you still coming back later?"
"Yes, we'll be back tonight."
"Jessica, remember, you need to be Richard."
There was silence for a moment and Richard's voice said, "Thanks, it's surprisingly hard not to slip back to how I now normally speak. We'll see you this evening."
I tried to sneak back into the room so not to disturb the lesson, but as soon as I opened the door everyone turned round to look at me.
"Why don't we have a five minute break," said the teacher.
"I don't want to disturb the lesson," I apologised.
"Mr Hobson warned all the teachers that it might happen and rather went on a bit, so it will be a good time for me to run to the toilet."
When the teacher went out, I was inundated with a stream of questions.
"Wow, where is your discipline?" asked Helen above the noise. "Jayne can only tell us when we're quiet and we don't have much time"
The room fell silent as I updated everyone. Afterwards there was a stream of questions to which I didn't know the answers.
"Look, you're going to have to ask Jessica yourself. The plan is that they set off around lunch time and should be here about five, depending how many stops they make and how bad traffic is."
The teacher returned and the lesson returned to normal. We all wanted to make sure our Russian was ready for our trip.
After our Russian lesson, Stacy approached Helen and I and asked how we were coping with the situation.
"We're doing fine," Helen smiled.
"What happened?" asked Stacy immediately, grabbing Helen's arm and dragging her into the nearest empty room. I hadn't had chance to say anything, but meekly followed.
"What do you mean?"
"Helen, your face didn't show you were fine. In fact, it showed something was very wrong. I can't help you if you can't be honest with me."
"We're fine," insisted Helen.
"Remember how we got into trouble after my trip to Scotland?" I added to Helens dismay. She gave me a dirty look.
Stacy didn't flinch, but just nodded in understanding. "Brenda was the same last night."
I raised an eyebrow and had the pleasure of seeing Stacy blush.
"Jayne, why don't you leave us to have a little chat?" Stacy requested politely. The expression on her face, which wasn't visible to Helen, clearly showed it was an order and not a request.
I gave a slight nod and went to one of the soundproof practice rooms. A bit of solitude with my instrument was needed and it would certainly fill the two hours before lunch. After warming up, I delved into the folder given to me by my peripatetic music teacher. He was just one of the people who came into the school who had been carefully vetted and knew better than to question why some lessons were with David and some with Jayne. I did know that besides teaching me a few others here and in some private schools, he was a principle player in one of the large London orchestras.
My practice was disturbed by the ping of my PDA. With the noise from my instrument, I would have missed it if I hadn't felt it vibrate.
I looked at the PDA and frowned. It was an urgent meeting from Mr Hobson for Stacey, Helen and myself. He wanted us in his office at once.
"At once" was not a phrase used very often at the school. When the headmaster says something has to occur at once, you drop everything you are doing, unless stopping would be life threatening.
I knew I was nearer than where Helen and Stacy had been, so had enough time to put my instrument and music away and place them out of the way. I would have to collect them later.
I'd just arrived outside Mr Hobson's office when Stacy arrived with Helen in tow. Helen's eyes looked red from crying and I wondered what had been said between them.
"Are you okay?" I asked Helen.
All I got in response was a not very nice look and an expletive mouthed at me.
"Helen, please keep calm till we are finished here. I know you aren't happy with Jayne, but that needs to wait."
Helen didn't say anything, but knocked on the door and we were quickly ushered in.
"Last night a criminal called George Hoskins was taken ill at a local prison and was taken to the hospital. About fifteen minutes ago he sneaked out of his ward and tried to kill Mr Barnes."
"Tried?" queried Stacy, as Mr Hobson paused.
"We had someone there who was able to stop him, which prevented Mr Barnes getting any further injuries. An attempt was made to talk to George, but he refused. He's now back in the hands of the prison staff. Mrs Barnes has been upset enough about everything, so won't be told. Wendy and Jessica won't be told, either."
"So why are you telling us?" queried Helen, trying to hide her strained voice.
"Because if Mr Barnes died, the children would have had to stay till the funeral and it would leave the school not having the Russian knowledge that Wendy and Jessica have."
"Are you sure it's just not a coincidence?"
"It could be, and we are looking to see if George Hoskins knows the Barnes family. We are also looking into who has been in contact with him. However, prisoners don't suddenly get so ill they have to go to hospital and then get well enough to suddenly appear at the other side of the hospital wielding a knife."
This was by far the most detailed information we'd been given and it worried me that students were in danger.
"Isn't the school supposed to be keeping the students out of danger, not put them into danger?" Stacy echoed my thoughts.
"Of course, and this blatant attempt shows once again that this school has a leak. If that leak isn't blocked, the whole school could be in danger. I can't let that continue. At the moment, nobody has put the students in danger and I don't expect that to change. Whoever these people are, they could have done something to Wendy and Jessica, but they haven't. At the moment, I don't think that any student is in danger directly from them. Whoever is behind this will know that it would be stupid to try and attack the Barnes family again, so I don't think anything like this will happen again."
"Is the information in Russia that important?" I asked, rather naively. "Could the information be got a different way?"
"I'm afraid that it is very important. It is probably one of the most important trips this school has ever made. However, if any of the students were in danger we would not be going. That, as always, is my first priority."
After we left Mr Hobson's office and were out of earshot, Helen turned to me and said rather gruffly, "Why did you have to tell Stacy?"
"Because I didn't want you upset," I said, and then smiled at the irony of my statement and added, "Like this morning."
"But you didn't have to snitch."
"I thought it would be better if Stacy helped as she has been through this. Stacy isn't going to tell Rachel, are you Stacy?"
"As long as I don't think that Helen is going to murder you tonight, then no. This is me, as an older student, trying to help a younger student over a tricky situation."
"Oh," said Helen. This is one of the things I love about Helen, she will eventually listen to others.
"Jayne, why don't you run along and let us continue our little conversasioni?"
"Your what?"
"Conversasioni. It sounds more exotic than a shouting match."
Helen just looked at Stacy like she was a nutter. I just smiled and after rescuing my instrument and music, went to see who was in our year lounge.
By lunchtime, Helen joined me and was looking a bit more herself.
"Are you okay?" I queried, slightly worried.
"Sure. I'm no longer upset with you, but I do have a few things to think about. I'll tell you tonight, but don't worry."
Don't worry, that was a laugh. Of course I worried, but when I saw her eat all her lunch, I knew she was going to be okay.
"Jayne, you've got to do something," pleaded Richard, when he rang me during the early afternoon.
"What's up?"
"We all keep getting phone calls, asking if we are okay and what time we're likely to get back to the school and it's driving us crazy. We're all tired and we are all trying to sleep, but we keep getting those phone calls. Sam said that there is a way to show where we are and an estimated time of arrival. Is there anything you can do to show that, so we don't keep getting calls?"
"I'll see what I can do," I promised. I knew exactly what Richard had talked about, but knew that the car locations were restricted. I could have found the information myself and made it available, but since it wasn't an emergency, I thought going through proper channels would be the best way.
I moved to a quiet corner in our year room and rang Julia. I outlined the issue and what I wanted to do.
"That's restricted," she instantly said.
"I know that," I responded, trying not to get frustrated. "Would it be possible to segment one car and flag its location as unrestricted, until it gets back to the school?"
"I'll see what is possible," she offered, without committing to anything.
While I waited, I sent a message to all in year one and three, asking them to refrain from disturbing the four travellers. Knowing the type of people they were, I was pretty confident that it would be obeyed.
It didn't take long for Julia to get back to me, with good news. I quickly sent a broadcast message to all the students.
"Wendy, Yvonne, Jessica and Sam are on their way home. So they aren't constantly asked where they are, the current location is being broadcast on television channel 0901 and on your PDA's there should be a link from the main screen. Once they are home, this facility will be removed."
I heard the familiar ting, as the message got broadcast to all the PDA's and a loud cheer emanated from everyone. Our television was soon broadcasting the car's location. I smiled to myself to see that information like the speed wasn't being shown.
Not very long after I'd sent the information, I got a message from Matilda, asking for information on what I'd done. I replied, "I went through the proper channels and access to the information was granted. It saved me a lot of trouble later. I noticed your attempt to access the server a few minutes ago to find the data feed. If you want to know, just ask, and I will be more than happy to sit down with you in the main computer lab."
Helen came up as I continued to monitor the server the feed came through. "That was a great idea. At least people know where they are without pestering them."
"Julia and others must have thought so too," I agreed, watching another attempt to gain entry. If I hadn't been watching, Matilda would have got in, but I quickly closed down the method she was using. Would that girl never learn? I'd just offered to sit down with her and do things properly, and yet she continued.
"What are you doing?" Helen enquired, seeing my frown.
"I'm stopping a persistent American girl from being naughty," I said, closing down the link from the American school. This would upset some teachers, but it should shut off Matilda's access from the server she was using in America. I added a filter and bought the link back up. I knew it wouldn't be long before Matilda worked around the filter, but it gave me a few minutes breathing space.
I dialled her PDA. "Matilda," I said rather sternly, causing others to look up from what they were doing. A few of the American's giggled, knowing that their rather loveable, but naughty friend, had been bending the rules again. "I'll be in our usual computer classroom in five minutes. Your presence there would save everyone, especially you, a lot of trouble."
"Good luck," Helen said in a low voice, as I got up to chat with Matilda. If this had been a dry, warm, summer day, I would have met her in the back of the school and discussed things while laid out on the lawn. Being it was winter, and only about five Celsius, it was not something either of us would have agreed to.
I was there first, presumably because Matilda needed the toilet on the way. Being there first, I grabbed the workstation I normally used. It was right next to the radiator, so I was always warm, and there was a great view out of the window. In the warmer months it was always interesting to see what was happening outside, not just with pupils, but with the wildlife. I think with the sudden cold snap we'd been having, most of the sensible wildlife had gone into hibernation.
"You commanded my presence," came a rather sulky voice from the doorway.
As I turned, I noticed she'd brought her doll with her. "No, I was just trying to save you a bucket full of trouble. Would you like to have written a nice report to Julia outlining why you went snooping when you didn't need to? I'm also a bit curious, why did you bring your doll with you?"
"I suppose not," she admitted. "When an intrusion occurs, Julia certainly seems harsher than RJ." She then looked down and readjusted the position of the doll she was cradling in her arm. "This is Nellie. You haven’t met her yet, and she hasn’t seen this part of the school."
"That's probably because the computer systems here weren't very good when she started and she had to do a lot more tightening up than RJ had to do. Though I presume you've caused him a few headaches since you joined."
Giggling, she replied, "More than you know."
"Look, come over here by the nice warm radiator while I go through this information. Don't they have a system like this at The Manor?"
"They have one which tracks PDA's, but I've never seen anything to do with tracking cars. If they do, it must be one of the only items I've never found," said Matilda, sitting down next to me.
"There are one or two other things that you haven't found," said a deep male voice from the doorway.
"RJ!" screamed Matilda with delight. She jumped out of her chair and ran across to give him a big hug. "What are you doing here? I thought you were still in America."
Matilda looked so small and helpless next to RJ. I shook my head as I remembered how much trouble that helpless girl had caused in her small time here.
"I'm here now," his voice boomed, while prying Matilda off his waist.
"RJ, please meet Jayne. She's Hayfield's resident student computer expert."
I got out of my chair and met RJ half way across the room. Wow, he was tall! He made Matilda look like a tiny doll.
"Pleased to meet you, sir."
"Sir is way too formal for me. I'm RJ and it's great to meet you, I've heard a lot about you. Well Matilda, I've just had Julia bending my ear about some strange log entries."
"I'm sorry, RJ," Matilda nearly broke down. "I'm trying to behave, but they have such interesting setups here that I just need to know how it all works."
"Matilda, all you have to do is ask," I sighed. "I offered to show you some items, but you still continued to play."
"It sounds like you two have more to discuss," smiled RJ. "I'll leave you to it. And remember Matilda, we are guests here, so be polite."
"Yes, RJ."
"RJ, before you go, who trained Matilda?"
"Probably the same person that trained you. Why?"
"Ah, I met her the other month. If nobody else has any objections, would you mind if Matilda met them?"
Matilda, who was standing next to me, looked puzzled. I don't think she had worked out that it was a student, now an ex-student, who had taught her all those naughty things.
"I think that would be a great idea. Why don't you run it by the two principals, and see what they say? As long as Matilda doesn't mind."
"Mind what? RJ, you know I hate being talked about as if I'm not here."
"Yes, and it shows how you've learned restraint. I'm proud of you."
"Really?"
"Yes, now let's see if you can learn restraint in other ways. Speaking of restraint, you haven't kicked anybody, have you?"
Matilda looked at the ground, with her hands behind her back, scuffing the floor with one foot, "W — Well."
I remembered the incident well, as I lifted my leg, rubbing my chin.
"Matilda! You promised."
"I did apologise," she muttered, refusing to look at RJ or me.
"When we get home, I think we need to work a little more on that relax action."
RJ wandered off shaking his head. When Matilda had calmed down, we settled down together to go through one of the restricted systems. She had clearance to be told the information, as and when it was deemed the appropriate time.
"Each school vehicle has its own tracking device, which is primarily intended to be used to recover the vehicle if it is stolen. This isn't anything special to this school, a lot of high performance or expensive cars have these type of devices attached."
"In America, we also have it in some rental cars so that if you break the speed limit, the satellite detects the fact and the rental company adds a penalty to your final bill."
"What we have is our own tracking devices, which interface through to the school's system."
I showed her the incoming data, and how it was processed. I finally showed her how Julia had converted the screen into a television channel. There is one great thing about Matilda, she never needs to be shown things twice.
"In school, we have the ability to track people, based on their PDA's. When they are outside school, can the same system detect them?"
"Sort of," I said, reluctantly. "It is more based on the car system than the internal tracking system."
"So they can be tracked even if they don't have a travel PDA with them?"
"Yes, and I'm only admitting that to you because I've been told by Mr Moore and Mr Hobson to be honest with you. You mustn't tell others that, or they might get upset."
"I know. I already know far too much information that I can't tell others. I think I'm the youngest adult at The Manor. Years E and above were frantic when they were told about Wendy and Jessica going home. They remembered all too well what happened at Marshalville. I think all the psychiatrists were working overtime with that."
"And yet you keep on asking more questions."
"Without asking questions and learning new things, I won't know how to help others, even if they don't know I'm helping. For instance, you knew about the car tracking system and were able to help by getting the information that people wanted, though I'm sure that it will have caused some at our school to wonder if we have a similar system."
"Well be careful. By helping others, you might have to take the blame, to keep facts secret. Just like what happened with Helen and me."
"You mean with Mr Black the other day?"
"Yes."
"It wasn't really a punishment though, was it? It looked like one, but I'm sure Mr Hobson knew exactly how they were all going to vote."
"Hey, you're probably right. I'd never thought of that. Now you know this information, does this stop you going prying into the server?"
"It will stop me looking through Hayfield's servers, although it looks like I missed a couple of things at The Manor."
"Matilda, stop and think for a moment. RJ isn't stupid and knows you will go looking. Why don't you surprise him and ask him for the information. Do it the right way, instead of bending the rules. Save bending the rules for when it's needed."
"At least he doesn't make me write reports. I just have to show him what I did. Thanks for teaching me." Matilda gave me a hug before gently picking up her doll and rushing out of the room.
That girl will be the death of me and I've only known her a few weeks!
There was a rush of activity about ten minutes before the car arrived. Students were seen rushing to their rooms to grab their coats. Every student at the school had taken it upon themselves to be outside for their return. This wasn't something that the teachers had arranged, or even the year heads; it was something spontaneous. A few teachers and psychiatrists wandered around, making sure everything was orderly, but generally kept out of the way. As the car drove into the school's driveway, they disappeared, allowing the students all the time they needed to welcome home four of their family.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 36
Sometimes telling the truth can be hard, but when the lie gets too deep, it can be hard to escape.
Our small family were all back together. After the welcome home in the wet winter evening, we'd eventually made our way to our year room. The Americans from year D had disappeared, leaving just the ten of us. I would have to thank Melissa later.
"So, what was it like to be back at home?" asked Emma.
"Strange. It wasn't just having to wear male clothes," said Jessica, who hadn't had chance to change. "Wendy and I have changed and we both found it very hard being home. When we left, we were both rather unsure of ourselves, as most children are at that age. Even though I've only been away from home for five months, I'm much more self confident and independent. I found it hard having my mother treating me like how I was. Wendy found it even harder."
"But I thought she wanted to be back with her family?" Brian pointed out.
"She did, but she was the one who wanted to come back today. It was very hard on Wendy, again not because she had to be male, but because she was so different from how mum remembered her. We've grown, and because we've been away, mum doesn't know how to treat us."
"I suppose it must have been hard for your mum, too," added Anna.
"Yes, I suppose it was. There she was, worried about Dad, and not knowing how to really relate to us. Wendy and I both mucked in and did things to help, but that seemed to just make things worse."
"How is your dad doing?"
"He's on the mend. He is doing a lot better than the doctors initially thought. I wish I'd opened that letter months ago, rather than waiting till now to find out that he was sorry. And Sam, there is no need to think 'I told you so', because I know you wanted me to open it. Looking back, there were subtle hints from a few of you — sorry I'd been so stubborn."
"We all can be stubborn sometimes," I admitted, looking at Helen pointedly.
"Someone has to be when you're concerned," Helen laughed, giving me a friendly punch.
"So what now?" asked Sam, finally letting go of Jessica's hand.
"Would you like to go freshen up?" Helen suggested.
"Oh yeah," Jessica gushed.
Since returning, there had been no sign of Richard, apart from the clothes. It was like a young girl had been trying to pretend to be a boy. Poor Jessica, it must have been hard. It must have been hard for Sam too, having to choose a gender rather than being androgynous.
While Jessica and Sam were in their rooms freshening up, the Americans were tracked down. They were having an impromptu choir practice in the main hall. We didn't want to disturb them, so after listening at the door for a bit, we went back to our year-room to entertain ourselves.
Just before our evening meal, the Americans finished their practice and Sam and Jessica arrived.
"It's good to be dressed nicely again, though it wasn't as bad as I thought it might have been," said Jessica. "I know who I am, and Sam kept reminding me while we were alone, so it didn't seem so hurtful."
That little spoken thought by Jessica kept running through my mind during the meal. It reminded me of my ideas many months ago before the French trip. Is that why I wasn't freaking out as Jayne? Perhaps, or was it something else? Why did people that didn't know me assume that I was female? Was it this confusion that caused my uncle to commit suicide?
"Are you okay, Jayne?" Helen queried, placing her hand over mine.
"Huh?" I said, my name jarring my thoughts.
"Are you okay?"
"Sure, why?"
"You seemed miles away."
"Sorry, was just mulling something over," I murmured, not really paying attention.
"Do you want to chat to me about it?"
"I'm okay," I said rather bluntly, brushing Helens offer of help away. She wouldn't understand, and I didn't want to offend her if I said something bad.
Why am I like a girl? Why didn't I need lessons to portray a girl, but needed them to portray a boy? This is just so confusing, so wrong. I'm wrong. I shouldn't be like this. I should be like my brother, still caring and loving, but somehow masculine. I'm just wrong. I don't fit in the real world and am hidden away. I don't think the world is ready for someone like me, and I don't think I'll ever be ready for the world. Is it worth continuing, when the place could be given to someone who needs it?
Perhaps my Uncle was right. Perhaps there was no way forward for him and no way forward for me. If he fought for all those years with the issue and never found a solution, perhaps there isn't a solution to be found for our family. Perhaps we are so different that even what Lewis, Emma or Jessica is doing isn't good enough. I couldn't do what my uncle did though, even if I wanted to; they don't give us blades or anything sharp.
I wracked my brain for a solution to end it all. Something that I could do here in this school. I started to think of films. Perhaps gas is an option. Lie down and put my head in an unlit gas oven. No sooner had I thought it than I dismissed it, the ovens weren't gas. An overdose also was not possible because we were never given drugs to take ourselves. Even if we had a headache, we had to go to see the nurse and we were given a liquid pain killer.
I thought about how Jessica has tried, using the sheets to hang herself, but quickly ruled that one out. When I was in my room, Helen was there and she wouldn't give me enough time to do it. Also, since Jessica's attempt, the sheets had been replaced with special versions that would rip if too much tension was applied.
We weren't allowed out of the premises, so jumping in front of a car or a train was out of the question. I began to feel even more helpless. I couldn't even think of a way to kill myself. I'm just useless.
I felt my hand being squoze, which disturbed my thoughts. I glanced up and saw Helen looking straight at me. She didn't look too happy.
Hoping that Helen was the only one, I looked around and saw Dan looking at me with concern. I gave a weak smile and he shook his head slowly. He knew. The first suicidal thoughts for months and I get picked up straight away. I sighed. Is there no justice in the world?
Melissa, who could see me from the other table, looked horrified. I heard others at that table ask what was wrong, but she refused to be drawn.
"I'm okay," I said quietly to Helen. "It's over now."
"After tea, you're going to see Rachel," she said firmly. I just hoped the others didn't hear.
"We've got orchestra practice."
"Sod orchestra practice. You are going to see Rachel!"
"But others will know something's up."
"So? Don't you think they sometimes have difficulties? You've noticed how much time Brian has been spending talking to his therapist. Then there is Jessica, who almost committed suicide because she didn't chat with anybody. Lastly, look at Sam, who has such a strange issue that none of the local psychiatrists could help, but had to see one of the American ones."
"Okay," I sighed. "Some of us are really messed up, aren't we?"
"I suppose that is why we go to this school, to get the help we need."
"You seem okay."
"Sometimes, but you know I've been through issues myself, with shutting away part of myself."
I fished out my PDA and sent a short message to Rachel. "Can I speak with you urgently after the meal?"
"Sure, I'll be in my office," read the prompt response.
As the meal progressed, I began to feel more nervous about seeing Rachel. What if she locked me up, or stopped me being with Helen? I didn't think I could cope with either of those things.
As we had our pudding, a plan started to form. I knew how to kill myself. I tapped away on my PDA, pretending to be responding to a message. Pleased with what I'd done, I managed to give Helen a reassuring smile, but she didn't look convinced.
"I'm okay now," I said quietly.
"You're still seeing Rachel," she responded.
"I know."
Some of the other years started to leave, and since we'd finished and cleared, we started to make our way to our common room when the fire alarm started to ring.
We all pulled out our PDA's and the words "Fire Alarm — NOT A TEST" were plainly visible.
In the confusion, I tried to slip away from the rest of the year. "Where do you think you're going?" said Sam, grabbing my left arm.
"You aren't going anywhere until you've explained what I saw earlier," said Melissa, suddenly appearing to take my right arm. I'd been watching Helen for my opportunity to slip away, and hadn't been watching the others. So much for being observant.
I wasn't quite frogmarched into the fire assembly area, but it was close. I was guarded by the whole year, including the Americans. At first I struggled slightly, but after I knew I wasn't going anywhere I cooperated, saving my energy for when I needed it.
Perhaps setting off the fire alarm in the middle of a cold winter's evening wasn't the smartest thing to do. We all stood around with no coats, while the temperature was close to freezing.
"What was going through your mind?" asked Helen.
There were a few puzzled faces as some people, especially those sitting at the other table, that hadn't known what had gone on through our meal.
"What's going on?" asked Paula.
"I've only seen that look once before, and a little bit later, Jessica tried to commit suicide," explained Sam.
"The thoughts have gone now," I said quickly, trying to brush the idea away.
I was covered in hugs and people telling me not to do it. Why couldn't I have had such thoughts when I was alone in the shower? I tried to move away from everyone, but I was surrounded and the only place to get away was down. I sank to the ground and tried to bury my head against my knees.
"Please stop," I pleaded.
"Don't crowd her," Dr Ruiz ordered, moving into the area. "Come on, move slightly away."
I looked up and saw there was a gap. For a fleeting moment I thought about running, but where would I go? I put my head back down and wept. It was all too much.
"Okay, the problem that caused the alarm has been found," Mr Hobson announced loudly enough for everyone to hear. "Everyone, please move inside before you all catch a cold. I don't think Mrs Taylor will be happy if all her singers couldn't perform due to sore throats."
I was again closely escorted, making sure I didn't go anywhere I wasn't supposed to. I thought I would be escorted to Rachel's office, but instead, we all headed towards our year room.
"Jayne, didn't you make an appointment to see me?" asked Rachel, catching up with us just before we reached the year room door.
"I think we all need to have a chat with Jayne first," said Helen, everyone coming to a halt.
I felt torn. I wasn't looking forward to the chat with Rachel, which was one of the reasons I'd set off the fire alarm, but I felt so ashamed that didn't want to speak with my friends, either. I just stood there, looking at the floor.
"Very well," Rachel eventually agreed. I think she'd been considering everything that had gone on, as her response seemed an eternity to come. "Helen, Jayne is your responsibility. For the next twenty-four hours she isn't to leave your side. Ring me when you have finished. I will be waiting."
"But orchestra practice starts in fifteen minutes," I pleaded.
"Nobody from your year will be attending," said Stacy, moving in next to Rachel. "I'm available if needed. The orchestra practice is only up the stairs."
Why couldn't people just leave me alone? I'd done nothing to them. Rachel and Stacy watched us disappear into the year room.
The settees were quickly moved to the edges of the room, leaving a wide space for us all to sit. This had been the first gathering like this since the Americans came, but they seemed to understand the plan. Perhaps situations like this arose there, too.
We were all settled on the floor, with partners sitting next to each other. These sessions could quickly get emotional, not just for the person they were concerned about, but also for others in the room. Wounds they thought, or hoped, were closed could easily reopen.
"I'm okay now," I insisted, before someone could say something. Helen just hung onto me, not saying anything
"Maybe," said Melissa. "However, you did have issues and you need to talk about them. Something obviously caused you so much pain that you thought you had no other option other than killing yourself."
"Why should I tell everyone my issues?" I sulked. "Nobody forces Lewis and Emma to say why they see the nurse a few times a day. Nobody forces Sam or Brian to say what their issues are that keeps them so preoccupied with their psychiatrists."
"I chatted with you all when I tried to commit suicide," Jessica reminded me.
There were a few gasps from the American students at that.
"Doesn't that happen at The Manor?" asked Helen.
"It has happened, but it is rare," said Melissa. "The last one must have been when we were in year B."
"It's also rare here. Prior to Jessica's attempt, it had been several years," said Paula.
"Jayne, I go three times a day to see the nurse for female hormones," offered Emma. "I thought you all knew."
"I go for the same reason," said Lewis.
"You're having female hormones?" laughed Emma.
Lewis broke out in a coughing fit. He finally managed to splutter, "No, male hormones."
"Jessica, are you on hormones?" Paula asked.
"No," sighed Jessica. "It seems it is too early for me. They want me to live as Jessica for six months first. I suppose as a test, to make sure that I'm not going to change my mind."
"See Jayne, people are open with you," prompted Melissa. I wonder when she'd become the designated interrogator. I glanced at Helen and saw her red eyes and tear stains on her cheeks. I wonder when she had been crying that much.
"Why shouldn't I want to kill myself?" I said rather angrily, forced into revealing the suicidal thoughts that I'd tried to hide. "I'm a waste as I am!"
"What?" most the room asked.
"Darling, why do you say that?" said Helen, pulling me between her legs. "I love you."
"No, you love Jayne, and I'm David," I cried, failing to get out of Helen's tight grasp.
"You are the same person. It's just a name," reminded Helen. "How different are you from when you got here?"
I shrugged.
"How many lessons did you need to have in speech and deportment?"
"Lots."
"Yes, lots, but hardly any for being Jayne," reminded Helen.
"What are you saying? That I'm really a girl?" I snapped. "I don't want to get things chopped off."
"Nor do I," reminded Jill. "Nobody at this school is going to force you to."
"But I'm broken. I'm useless at being the boy I want to be. I want to be David, but all the boy lessons I had just didn't feel right. It all felt wrong. I'm wrong. I'm just like my Uncle."
"So you want to take the same action your Uncle took? You want to end it all and leave everyone around you with your pain. Now that's downright selfish! Your mother has just started to heal after all these years, and now you want her to have to suffer all over again?"
"No."
"Do you want me to suffer?" piled on Helen. "Do you want me to have to live my life without you? Everyday, suffering, because you aren't there?"
"No."
"I think you need to be reminded what your Mum said to you in that letter about your Uncle," Helen said in full fury.
"I know what it said," I cried out. "You don't have to remind me!"
"Don't I?" She turned away, ignoring my tears and dejected face. "Jill would you mind running up to our rooms? You will find the letter in the top left drawer in Jayne's table."
"I'll go with you," said Anna. "I don't think any of us should be alone."
"Are you wanting to invoke an unofficial suicide watch?" asked Wesley, his jaw dropping.
"Jayne, with all the anti-suicide security that's in the school, do you think you found a way to kill yourself?" Monica asked.
"Yes," I murmured.
"How?" demanded Melissa, her voice full of authority.
I shook my head.
"Jayne!" warned Helen.
Even now I couldn't resist Helen. I fished out a tissue to clear my tear stained eyes and tapped up the menu to unarm the guns and showed her my PDA.
Helen turned an ashen white and promptly vomited over the person in front of her. Me.
"I guess I deserved that," I muttered, quickly clearing my PDA before anybody else could see it.
"We'll get a change of clothes for you both, too," said Jill.
"Are you okay?" Melissa asked Helen.
"Sorry," said Helen, taking a cup of water offered by Erika. "I'm not going to tell you the details, but Jayne would have succeeded. Thanks Sam, and you too Melissa, for stopping her and thanks everyone else, too. Melissa and Aurora, as joint heads of year D, would you agree to an unofficial suicide watch?"
"This is your school, so we'll go along with whatever you say," said Aurora, looking around at the nods from everyone in the room. "Personally, I think it's a good idea."
"Me too," said Melissa.
"I'll update Mr Hobson," said Helen, taking out her PDA. It was slightly damp, but none of the sick had got onto it.
"Come on, Anna," said Jill. "Let's get the things. Oh well, it looks it is joint showers in the morning again."
"Joint showers sounds good to me," said Erika.
"None of that," said Aurora sternly. "We don't want suicide watches imposed, just because someone likes washing their partner."
Jill and Anna hadn't been long when there was a knock on the door.
"Mr Hobson," I said wearily, indicating who was at the door.
Brian was the closest to the door and opened it. "Mr Moore is with him," notified Brian.
"Let them both in," called Helen.
"Can you wait a few minutes for Jill and Anna to come back?" Melissa asked. "Jayne and Helen needed some clean clothes."
"Sure we can, but what we wanted to ask was quite a straightforward question. Do you think this was a serious attempt?"
"Jayne explained to Helen what she planned to do, and yes, I do believe so," said Aurora. Helen and I sat huddled together, trying not to get the sick everywhere.
"After the concert practice has finished, an official suicide watch will be declared. If you are finished here, I would be grateful if you could all join me in the hall. Jayne, I believe you are already scheduled to see Rachel after you finish here."
"I'm okay now," I declared.
"Sorry Jayne, but you are to see Rachel. She will decide that."
"Year A has never experienced a suicide watch, so I would appreciate it if all of you would help them through this," said Mr Moore. "They are going to feel insecure and worried, having this happen when they are so far from home. They'll need some big brothers and sisters to help and reassure them that everything will be all right. Can I count on all of you to help out?"
"Yes Sir," came the standard chorus.
"Has Year B been on suicide watch before?" asked Melissa.
"Sort off. When Matilda joined, she had attempted suicide a few days before. Then there was what happened to Rachel."
"I hope her Dad rots in jail," I added, angrily.
"Isn't that a bit strong?" queried Paula, a bit shocked.
"For what he did to Matilda? NO! There was no excuse for what he did."
"What did he do?" asked Paula.
I just shook my head. It wasn't my story to tell.
Paula looked at Melissa, who said, "I don't know the whole story, but I do know it was very bad. I know the outcome; a lovely child almost destroyed herself. Her partner, Mary-Beth, was seriously hurt on the same day that Matilda tried to kill herself. In some respects, it took Mary-Beth longer to accept love and hope than it did Matilda."
"Rachel was very badly hurt the day Matilda joined the school. Since Matilda had attempted to kill herself a few days before, the whole year spent the night together, camped out in their year room." Mr Moore added, "There was a fear that Matilda, Mary-Beth, or both of them, would try to do something unexpected, although that watch was only overnight, not twenty-four hours."
"Could we do that here?" asked Helen.
"It might be a bit tight for the both year-one and year-D, but I will leave that for all of you to decide," Mr Hobson declared.
Jill and Anna came back just as the two head teachers were leaving.
"Did we miss anything?" asked Jill.
"Just that there will be an official suicide watch after the orchestra/choir practice," said Emma.
"Good, I just hope that this is the last one I ever have to witness," sighed Anna. "We have the clothes. Do you want to do the letter first, or change?"
"Do the letter first," I pleaded. "Would someone else read it?"
"I'll do it," said Martha.
"Before we start, this does get a bit upsetting," warned Helen. "I remember how I felt the first time."
There was a general shuffling while partners got closer to each other. A warning like Helen gave was never taken lightly.
Dear David,
I hope that you are settled into your new school okay. Eric has tried to show me how to use the email system but I found it too difficult. He offered to type what I wanted to send and he will in the future. This letter however, is just between you and me; you must never tell Dad or Eric what's in the letter.
After your interview with Dr Ruiz you mentioned Uncle James. This letter should explain a bit about your Uncle which I didn't tell you the other week.
James used to dress in my clothes and try to make his already feminine looks even more feminine. He wanted nothing more than to be a girl that he knew he was inside. While he was at school he used to get teased for his gentle and kind nature. At home, when we were alone, I helped him become what he was inside. We hid this from our parents as they would never understand.
I blamed myself for his death. If I hadn't helped him perhaps he wouldn't have killed himself. As you grew up I saw that you were just like James and tried to distance myself. Before James killed himself I used to be a smart outgoing girl. Part of me died when he killed himself. I withdrew myself and didn't take any of my exams. I don't think that I could live with myself if you also killed yourself.
As you grew up you reminded me of my brother and you were a constant reminder of the fact that I failed to save his life. I knew what was wrong with James and how it worried him. A week before James killed himself he talked to me about how he saw no future for himself. I didn't understand him properly and agreed that he had no future. The next time he was alone he slashed his wrists. I was the one who found him sitting in a bath of blood. I found out later that it would have taken ten minutes for him to become unconscious and another twenty minutes to die.
James killed himself on his sixteenth birthday and since you and he were so similar I'm worried that you might also commit suicide. I didn't want you to die like your Uncle had so I persuaded your father to agree to you going to Hayfield Hall. After the meeting with Dr Ruiz I had a private word with her and told her about James. She was the first person that I'd told since his death. There was just something about Dr Ruiz that I was able to open up to her. She told me to tell you in a letter about James as it would help you.
Since you've left home I've joined the library and tried to find out information regarding James's condition. He was what is described as a transsexual and it is not curable. The only treatment for his condition is to become the girl he was inside. I don't recommend that you try it at school, as I doubt they would understand, but if, after you've finished school you do need to be a girl, just like he did, then I give you my blessing.
If you'd have been born a girl you would have been called Jayne Laura Grant.
Love
Mum
Halfway through the letter, Helen and I both broke down and started sobbing on each other's shoulders. I don't think Martha was finding it too easy to read it, but it was a task she'd taken on, and she continued to the end. When she finished, there was silence. Not a normal silence, but a sort of stillness, where everyone is profoundly moved and there is a sort of tension that people are frightened of breaking.
"I'm so sorry," I sobbed over and over again. "I'm so sorry."
"If I ever volunteer to read something like that again, please remind me of today," sniffed Martha.
That broke the tension and there were a few giggles and chuckles around the room.
"No wonder you were upset when you got that letter," said Emma. Helen had done a good job making sure the others didn't know the details when I got the letter; just that it greatly upset me.
"If you don't mind, I'm going to go and get changed," I said, getting up. My clothes were covered in sick, as was the floor near me.
"You're not going anywhere on your own," said Jill. "Since Helen is very upset at the moment, I will go with you. Who wants to volunteer to accompany Helen?"
"I'll do it," said Anna.
"That leaves someone else to clean the floor," I said, rushing towards the toilet attached to our year-room.
That was the problem with others not allowed into the year-room. We had to do our own cleaning. When repairs were needed, or something was delivered, we either did it ourselves, got someone from a higher year to help. At a last resort, we'd invite in a specialist, but they had to be accompanied in the room at all times.
"Please, don't do this ever again," said Jill, as I changed.
"I don't plan to," I confirmed. "Suicide is just too much hassle. All that planning is one thing, but having to live with everyone else's disappointment is something else."
"I don't think we're disappointed. Surprised, probably. You seemed one of the most stable of us."
"I suppose it comes with bottling everything up. I'm still not sure why I saw red. Well, I do a little, but I've got a lot of chatting to do with Rachel, which I'm not looking forward to at all."
"Rachel is a good egg. I'm sure she just wants you to be safe and happy."
"I'm not sure how happy I'll ever be, but safe, I'm sure can be done."
"Are you that unhappy being Jayne?"
"I'm not sure what it is. I mean, it is just a different name and different clothes. Beyond that, I'm still the same person. Yet I don't feel comfortable. Something feels wrong, and I don't know what."
"What about before you came to this school? Were you happy then?" asked Jill, handing me a pair of trousers.
"No, because I didn't fit in. I wasn't really living. Yet here, I can live, but tried to stop living. Rather weird, isn't it?"
"Ironic, maybe. Weird? Nah, unless you want it to be."
"I'd rather just be me."
"Aren't you just you?"
"I think I'll save that one for tonight with Rachel," I laughed.
Once dressed in clothes that would have made Sam proud - a very generic pair of trousers and a polo neck jumper, I made my way back to the year-room. The sick was gone and so was the nasty smell; replaced with the sweet smell of apple blossom. Helen was back already, looking very fetching. I wonder if Anna had got her clothes to make me regret trying to be apart from her.
"You said earlier that you were unhappy being called Jayne. Would you rather we called you David?" asked Helen.
I was glad I was near one of the settees as I plopped down in shock. David? Can I be David? Is that possible? Stacy and Rachel had both offered me this before the trip had been announced, but I'd tried to be noble and be what others in the beta group would be. Now being David was staring me in the face and my mind was so active I couldn't think. David or Jayne? Jayne or David?
"Wakeup, wakeup," a pleading voice eventually filtered into my brain.
"Huh?" was the first thing that my brain thought that I was able to utter.
"Are you okay?" asked Helen. Things were becoming a bit clearer, and people weren't where I remembered them.
"Huh?"
"Rachel said she would be here shortly," said Melissa from somewhere near my right.
I tried to reboot and a question came up in my mind, "David or Jayne?"
"I don't know," I blurted out, causing the faces I could see to look extremely puzzled.
"You don't know what?" asked Helen gently. I felt her stroking my hand.
"What I want you to call me. I don't know. I don't know what I want."
There were things I wanted to say to Helen. Things that I didn't want others to know. Yet we weren't alone, and we probably wouldn't be alone for a while, especially if the plan for a sleepover panned out.
Paula and Emma must have been waiting outside the door for Rachel, as there was no knock. The door opened and in strode Dr Rachel Ruiz and the school nurse, quickly followed by the two girls.
Rachel saw me awake, and after finding out what happened, the nurse disappeared. I, on the other hand, started to get very nervous. I knew that it would be time to speak with Rachel and it wasn't something I was looking forward to. I felt a bit like a naughty schoolchild being sent to the headmaster.
"I'm not going to bite," said Rachel, seeing my fear.
"Can we have at least some of the discussion here," I said quietly, trying not to cry.
"Why?"
"Because I feel safer on student ground. Also, I have my friends to protect me."
"Some of the things we might discuss could be a bit personal. Is it fair to the others? They might not want to hear things."
"A show of hands," said Helen. "Who is willing to stay here to be with David, Jayne or whoever they are?"
All the hands in the room shot into the air.
"Okay," relented Rachel. "It looks like the room has been nicely cleared. Do you mind if I join you all on the floor?"
This caused quite a stir. I don't think they expected Rachel to be willing to get down and dirty with us. As Rachel sat down, she muttered that she wished she'd worn a pair of trousers that wasn't so tight.
"What do you want me to call you?" asked Rachel.
"Since most people are used to calling me Jayne, why don't you stick to that for now," I said quickly, before I started to think too deeply about it.
"A quick rule check," Rachel said to everyone but me. "I might get a bit blunt at times. Please don't call out or interrupt. You are here to give comfort if needed, to anybody in the room who might get upset. Some of the questions might not be nice, and some of the answers, you might not like to hear. Anybody can leave now before we start."
Nobody left.
"Before we start, can I say something?" Brian asked.
"Are you sure?" said Lewis.
"It is something I've been putting off talking about, and Jayne is right, I have been hiding something. When I grew up, my parents didn't try to force a gender on me. I was allowed to play with toy cars or dolls. I soon learnt that other children divided by gender, and I adapted. I was not allowed to take part in PE at school and it wasn't until I was a bit older that I found out why. I was born intersexed. The doctors wanted to operate on me to make me a boy or a girl. My parents said no, that I should choose when I was older. I have some female organs in me and some male ones, which is causing a conflict, and I really need to see if I want to do something about it."
"You used to come swimming with us," said Emma. "Why did you stop?"
"Because I've started to grow breasts," said Brian, trying not to blush.
"And if you put on a bikini top, we would probably have asked you a thousand questions you weren't ready to answer?" I asked.
"That's about it," agreed Brian. "Just like you now, there are probably a thousand questions you don't want to answer. I talked a lot and I came to a decision. I really had three choices. Do nothing, remove male parts, or remove female parts."
We all pounced on Brian and smothered him in hugs. It wasn't a choice any of us would really like to make, but in some ways, we all had to.
"At first," continued Brian, "I was going to decide based on what would be my best option for being fertile. Could I be a mum or a dad? I had quite a few tests, but the doctors couldn't decide. I almost certainly can't get pregnant, as my female organs aren't properly formed. They say I have testis, but it is too early to tell if they work correctly, as I've not hit a male puberty yet. Also, the female puberty might cause a conflict and stop the male puberty from ever happening.
"Then I decided that being able to have children shouldn't define who I am. I should really decide how I feel. This school has given me the great advantage of gender being flexible. I've spent time trying to be female on Mix Up Mondays, and that gave me the chance to decide based on feelings."
Brian stopped. We were all at the edge of our seats, wanting to know what Brian had decided, but there was just this expectant gap hanging there.
"And?"
"I decided that deep down I'm male. I want to grow up to be a man, not a woman. In the New Year, the female organs will be removed and I will be able to live as me."
"Are you sure?" I asked. "You are taking away the option to change your mind."
"I know, but I know how I feel."
"Will it be before or after we go back to America?" asked Ruth.
"I've no idea when you're going back," said Brian. "When do you?"
"I presume, shortly after the concert," shrugged Melissa. "We've never spent this much time away from the Manor before, so I'm not sure. Dr Ruiz, do you know?"
"I'm afraid I know no more than you," said Rachel, shaking her head.
"Well my operation is scheduled for the middle of January. They said they will be able to give me a firmer date in the New Year. To be honest, I'm pretty scared. Apart from some operations I had when I was a baby, which I don't remember, I've never been to hospital."
"We'll be there for you," we all promised.
I realised what I'd promised when I saw the slight smile on Rachel's face. Suicide now was not an option for me, and Dr Ruiz knew enough about my background to know that. I saw Sam fidgeting, nervous that Brian had told us his secret that all other secrets would need to be told. While there was a general murmur of everyone chatting about how brave Brian was, I leaned across, took Sam's hand and said, "You don't have to say anything. I was being spiteful earlier, letting my frustration do the talking for me. Sorry. You will tell us when you're ready."
"Thanks," replied Sam, sitting up straighter and looking relieved.
"So Jayne, how are you feeling now?" asked Rachel, putting on her professional inquisitor's hat.
"Rather silly," I replied honestly. "Oh, and not at all suicidal."
"Why not?" asked Rachel. "You have just embarrassed yourself in front of your friends, been sick over and failed at what you planned. Sounds a jolly good reason to commit suicide to me."
There was a universal gasp of shock from those sitting and watching. Rachel frowned.
"You don't like doing group sessions, do you?" I asked
"No, not really," she replied honestly.
"Then we are even," I chuckled. "Anyway, getting back to your taunt, those aren't a reason to commit suicide. Well they might be for others, but not me."
"According to reports, you seemed very introspective during the meal, and gradually went downhill. Why didn't you talk to someone? Helen was there and saw you were suffering, but you refused her help."
"Can't we do this alone?" I begged.
"Why?" said Rachel. "You asked for this to be a session with others here."
"Because I don't want to hurt anybody."
"Haven't you done that already?"
"Because deep down, I'm David. I know I might act like a girl, but I don't want to be one."
"Has anybody suggested that you become Jayne forever?"
I didn't say anything. I knew what I wanted to say, but didn't want to cause hurt. There were some things I couldn't say, because it had to do with the beta group.
The silence became like a battle. Would someone else talk before me, move the topic somewhere else? The time ticked on and some rather pointed looks started to appear, urging me to answer. Dr Ruiz just sat there, cross-legged on the floor, her facial expression not changing. I'd tried to outstare an owl once and failed. I failed today, too.
"No, but Helen would prefer I was Jayne."
"Oh, so I'm to blame, am I?" Helen huffed. "Have I ever told you to be Jayne?"
"No, not really," I sighed, unable to say yes that she'd told me to be Jayne for the first beta meeting after the Americans had arrived. Anyway, that one incident didn't count, as she had been right. That was beside the point, she did prefer me as Jayne; she'd admitted it. "I just happened to be Jayne when the announcement of the field trip happened. I'm stuck as Jayne until after the trip."
"Jessica was Richard when the French trip was announced, and an exception was made then. Since being Jayne is causing you to be suicidal, I can override the policy and say you can go as David. Would you prefer that?"
"Are you saying that nobody at the school is going to force me to be Jayne forever?"
"They would need to get past me first," said Dr Ruiz. "This school is about letting people be what they want to be. We do things like Mix Up Monday to give you an opportunity to experiment. It also lets everyone see that we are open for anything. Sometimes this causes the school to face up to things we don't expect, and we have to adapt."
"You mean like me?" piped up Sam.
"Yes, your revelation was something new to me and a lot of others. How has the school treated you since you told us your needs?"
"Outstanding," Sam confirmed. "I'm still worried what others will say though."
"Are you talking about it?" asked Dr Ruiz.
"Of course," replied Sam, like Dr Ruiz had asked the stupidest question in the world. "I think I'd go mad if I didn't."
"Sam, I've got about the weirdest body in the world," said Brian. "Nobody freaked out when I told them, and I plan to go swimming at the weekend, even though I will need to wear a bikini top or a t-shirt. No, I'm not going topless; all the boys would get too excited."
"Not me," said Wesley. "I'm gay."
That caused everyone to laugh.
"So, if I want to, I can be David when we get back from the trip?" I pressed.
"I expected you to be," Helen said. "I didn't force you to stay as Jayne after the French trip, did I?"
"No," I confirmed.
"I'll go as Jayne," I said to Rachel.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"We need to chat more before I will accept that," said Rachel. "I'll only confirm when I'm satisfied, and that might be tonight, or it might not be for a few days."
"A few days?" I gasped. How much torture is she going to put me through? "Hey, torture is illegal." It got a few laughs, but certainly not from Rachel.
"I'll ignore, for now, why you didn't want to speak with me, but I can't overlook why you didn't speak with Helen."
I paused. This wasn't a nice question. I'd hurt Helen a lot.
"Two reasons. Because Helen would have wanted to do the right thing, and because it was embarrassing. Helen often asks how I'm doing, if I'm okay. It would have been like admitting to having lied to her before. One lie, confirming that I was okay, when I wasn't, led to me not being able to talk to her."
"That's why partners always should tell the truth," Jill pointed out. "I think you told me that once."
"I get it," suddenly crowed Helen. "It's like my parents."
"I think you'll have to explain that one," said Melissa. "What do your parents to do with it?"
"My Mum smokes. She says she's given up, but you sometimes smell it on her clothes. Dad asks her every so often about it, and she says she doesn't, and would tell him if she did smoke again. We were at a restaurant once, and mum had gone to the toilet. I needed a tissue and didn't have one, so I looked in mums coat pocket and found them there. Dad told me to just leave them there and forget what I'd seen. I asked why, and he said that it would be like admitting to have failed to keep off the cigarettes."
"Why not just tell her that he'd found them and then she might stop?" asked Elaine.
"People have to stop because they want to," explained Helen. "Dad loves mum very much and would love her not to smoke, but it is something Mum has to decide herself. If she thinks he knows, she will just throw out the fags and buy some more when she thinks things have settled down — wasting money they don't have. Dad thinks it is costing them over a grand a year. Dad also doesn't want to embarrass Mum by putting her in a situation where she would be humiliated. He knows she isn't ready to stop smoking and would prefer her to be open with him and smoke openly, that way there was no secrets, no lies. It puts a great strain on their relationship, as Dad doesn't trust mum with everything, but till she can trust him, it is something he just puts up with."
"Did you know I was lying?" I asked.
"Not really, but looking back I can see pointers. Just like when I knew that mum was smoking, I knew when she would sneak off to have a cig. I had no idea before then."
"Helen, how do you feel about Jayne now?"
"I feel hurt," she admitted. "I'm not really sure about anything else. I'm still confused about it all. I need to have a bit of a think about it."
"Are you angry?"
"I suppose I was angry and hurt at first."
"You aren't any more?" pressed Rachel.
"I suppose I am still a little."
"Only a little?"
"Okay, yes, I'm bloody angry and hurt. I thought we loved each other, but all Jayne could think about is Jayne. She didn't even consider how upset I would have been if she'd killed herself. How I'd miss her every day I lived. How I'd not ..."
She trailed off and burst into tears. I quickly moved and pulled her into me. "I'm never going to do this ever again," I said quickly. I hated to see Helen like this.
"You really promise?" sniffed Helen, wiping the snot from her nose on her sleeve.
I paused. "I can only promise to try," I said reluctantly, not wanting to promise something I knew was too restrictive.
"Rachel, is it okay if we all have a sleepover in here tonight?" asked Melissa.
"Yes, that's fine," agreed Rachel. "I'll have the sleeping bags dug out. It's a good job we ordered extra. Tomorrow, you all have special lessons on stress management. However, Jayne, tomorrow you need something a bit different. Don't worry, it isn't me droning on or asking you a million questions. Since suicide watch is on, Helen will be coming too. We will leave straight after breakfast and be gone most of the day. Since it is a long journey, please dress comfortably."
The concert practice would be finishing soon, so we all made our way to the hall. So we didn't disturb the playing, we waited in the wings by the stage entrance, listening to the end of The Armed Man — Better is Peace. As it finished, we made our way onto the side of the stage, not far from the choir. I was past trying to commit suicide, but others were taking no chances. Even if I wanted to run, I wouldn't have been able to. It's so nice that others do care and do accept.
"Well done, well done," said Mr Hobson, coming on from the other side of the stage. He wasn't alone, but accompanied by Mr Moore and all the psychiatric staff. The sight of their sober faces was soon the gossip between people, wondering what had been going on.
"Quieten down," asked Mr Moore. "Hopefully this won't take long."
"This evening, during the meal, one of the students was acting so against their normal behaviour that it caused her friends to get worried. During the fire alarm, she saw her chance and tried to put her plan into action. Her friends stopped her. I'm led to believe that if that student hadn't been stopped, they would probably now be dead."
There was total silence from most students. The only shocked ones were year A, from The Manor. Everyone else just seemed to be privately praying for whoever it was. A few looked across at us and noticed the way I was being protected, and understood. Matilda was one of them and looked at me rather disappointedly. My heart sank, hoping that a moment's foolishness hadn't destroyed our rather good friendship.
"From tonight, a suicide watch is in place. For the benefit of those who've never experienced one of these, for the next twenty-four hours you aren't to leave your partner's side for any reason."
Someone from year A raised his hand.
"Yes, Quincy?" asked Mr Moore.
"What about sleeping tonight and showering in the morning?"
"As Mr Hobson said, for NO reason. The showers here are large enough for two. For year-A, I recommend a sleepover in your year room. Sleeping bags will be provided so that the whole year will be together."
"But-" started Quincy.
"Why don't we have this discussion in our year room in a few minutes," said Rachel, Matilda's younger sister. She seemed to hold a bit of authority; perhaps she was a year leader.
Quincy nodded and lowered his hand.
"Okay," continued Mr Hobson. "As practice is over, if you all leave for your year room, someone will come to see you to make sure you are all okay."
"Sorry, but we need a private word with Stacy," Helen said, to the rest of the year. "Would you wait for us?"
"Don't worry," said Aurora, "We aren't going anywhere."
Stacy was just finishing putting her violin in its case, when she saw us approaching. Sandy, the leader of The Manor's orchestra, who was sharing first desk with Stacy, quickly offered to take care of it for her.
"Are things looking better than they were?" Stacy asked, as we moved to an empty area of the hall.
"Yes, sorry for causing so many issues," I apologised.
"We all have them. I lost it once, though I didn't try to commit suicide," admitted Stacy. "I suppose it was easy for me, as I knew who I was."
"I don't," I sighed.
"You will eventually," encouraged Stacy. "Now, what did you want to see me about?"
"Jayne found a way that would have worked," started Helen.
"Why see me? Shouldn't you be telling this to Rachel?"
"We did, but what Jayne planned involves items best to be run by you."
"Oh?"
I pulled out my PDA and went to the menu.
"Ah," said Stacy. "You would have got close, but never succeeded. You can only unlock if there are two people capable of unlocking, unless there is a beta emergency declared. In that case, you would have had to use your beta PDA. That system isn't as easy to hack as the fire alarm system."
"You know about that?" I gasped, horrified.
"Yes, though only a few do. You rushed it and it was easy to track back to you. I hope you learn to do better under stress than you did."
"Sorry."
"Hey, you are only year-one. I'm sure Julia will make sure you are run through some stress drills over the next few days as punishment."
"Oh joy. I'll look forward to that," I laughed.
"You better get back to your year. It looks like you've done well with them, that they want you to pull through."
When we got back to the year room, there were two boxes filled with sleeping bags waiting outside our door. We dragged the boxes inside the room and found we needed our sleepwear.
"Meet back here in five minutes," I said.
We all dashed in pairs to our rooms. Jill and Anna accompanied Helen and I, just in case. Back at the room, we took it in turns to use the year toilets to change.
"You'll understand more about me in a few minutes," Sam said, and rushed into the toilets.
When Sam appeared the room fell silent. The corners of my mouth twitched slightly, which I tried hard to resist.
Ellen's words about Sam flashed through my mind: "Just treat Sam as Sam wants to be treated, and don't ridicule. That is the best thing you can do."
I rushed across and gave Sam a huge hug.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 37
It seemed strange to wake up in a room with no windows, but it was probably fitting after a rather strange day that turned out nothing like I'd expected at the start of the day. Most days have a pattern that has some type of expectation built in. Yesterday just didn't fit into anything that had previously happened. One question kept buzzing through my mind, apart from Sam — wow, that was some other thing that was unexpected, was 'Why?' Why did I breakdown? What caused it to happen then, and what could I do about it so it didn't happen again.
I heard loud snoring and grinned. I'm still not sure how any of us actually managed to stay asleep with Anna snoring like she did, but I suppose after another few hours chatting with Sam we were all pretty tired. So far Sam's issue was something just for our year. Sam was certainly not ready for the rest of the school to know, but when Sam was, we would all be there giving our support.
Support! Support is one thing that this school gave which I'd forgotten about. It had become so second nature that I'd forgotten it was even there. I'd only had to tell Rachel that I was having issues and she would have chatted through things with me and probably reached the same conclusion as last night. There was no need for silly things like suicide. Why didn't I remember such things when needed? Heck, we'd all been there when Jessica had her breakdown, so why didn't I remember how it wasn't needed.
"Are you okay?" murmured Helen, lying in a sleeping bag next to me.
"Sure, just basking in the fact there is no alarm this morning."
I think I must have been jinxed, as a big yellow smiling face suddenly appeared on the big television followed by a very loud fanfare. The words "TIME TO GET UP" appeared below the face.
A shock like that wasn't what we wanted on a suicide watch. I quickly grabbed my PDA and started looking into what had happened. Others had already guessed, but I wanted proof. Matilda!
"Calm down," I said, jumping out of my sleeping bag. "It looks like Matilda made a slight typo and sent it to the wrong screen. I think it was meant for the year-B room. Our device names are almost identical."
I sent a quick message to the little munchkin, telling her what she'd done. I explained it really wasn't a good idea to send something like that during suicide watch happening and people were a bit jittery.
"Apart from the unexpected alarm call, how is everyone feeling?" I enquired. "Anybody feel suicidal?"
"I'm too tired to feel anything," moaned Susan.
"I suppose a night of the unexpected will do that," I laughed.
"What about you?" Melissa asked me, when everyone confirmed they were okay.
"I feel rather foolish about what happened yesterday. I'm not sure why I forgot to ask for help, though I'm sure I won't be allowed to forget it. Suicide is the furthest thought from my mind."
"It better be," growled Helen. "If you try again, I'll finish the job myself."
There was a stunned silence, until Helen started giggling. I knew, or hoped, that she was joking, but sometimes you can never be too sure.
"Let's break for showers and then meet back here. We have about forty-five minutes before breakfast. I think Helen and I are chilled enough not to need an escort for that."
"Thank goodness for that," said Jill with much feeling.
Our laughter was interrupted by a timid knock on the door, which we almost missed. Everyone glanced at me, the resident door knock interpreter. I didn't recognise it, so shrugged.
Ruth, who was the closest, opened the door. "It's Matilda and Mary Beth. Matilda wonders if she can come in and apologise."
"Let me go into the toilets," said Sam, making a hasty retreat. Jessica quickly followed, when her PDA gave a proximity warning.
"Come in," Ruth said, swinging open the door.
"I wanted to say that I'm sorry if I upset anyone when I did that alarm clock," said Matilda.
There were many quick comments on how we forgave her, but to be careful in future.
"I'm glad you woke us up when you did," said Helen. "It means that I can get my back scrubbed for longer."
Matilda obviously understood what Helen was saying and looked down, rather embarrassed. I don't think Mary Beth understood, as she looked a bit perplexed.
"Matilda, you didn't do this on your own, did you?" I queried.
"What do you mean?"
"You are an expert in infiltrating systems, but not in coding. This required knowledge which you don't have."
"Yes, I did have someone else helping me this time, although I do have a few tricks up my sleeve. You'd be surprised by how much I know. Often I have to write programs to help keep hidden while ... er, exploring," she said, without giving away who had helped and I didn't ask. It was a good prank and I didn't want to spoil her enthusiasm.
At breakfast, most of the years looked very relaxed and content. Years A and B looked rather embarrassed, while year C was a mixture. Well most of year B looked embarrassed. Mary Beth must have found out what Helen had meant, as she and Matilda kept glancing at each other with silly grins.
After breakfast, we were met in the entrance lobby by Rachel and Julia. Julia looked rather reproachfully at me.
"I'm sorry, miss," I said, bowing my head.
"I'm disappointed in what you did, Jayne. I thought you knew better," said Julia.
That actually hurt the most. I respected Julia and thought very highly of her. To actually hear her say I disappointed her ripped my heart out. I felt the tears welling in my eyes. Julia didn't say anything else, but registered our travel PDA's to us and left with our standard ones.
"We have about a three hour journey to our first stop," said Rachel, as Helen and I buckled up in the back of the car. "If you need a comfort stop, then let me know. You should find a basket somewhere back there. In it are snacks and drinks to keep you going."
We'd just had a rather sizable breakfast, but Helen and I did what all teenagers would do, dove in to see what was there. Rachel laughed at the normality of the situation and slowly drove down the driveway.
"Why don't you do what you normally do when you infiltrate a system," said Helen to me.
"Huh?"
"What do you normally do if you do any hacking? I know if I pick a lock, I have to send a report."
"I send Julia a report, but I didn't hack. I used the extended privileges I have to fool the system," I explained.
"So, you got the system to do something that it wasn't meant to do? That sounds worthy of a report."
I hated doing reports, but knew Helen was right. It was much easier on a full-size keyboard, but at least these PDA's had a small keyboard. Helen put on a pair of headphones to listen to music from her PDA while I worked away. Finally, after many changes, I sent the report. I'd also added a recommendation that would stop someone trying what I'd done.
An hour later, I'd received nothing back from Julia apart from a read receipt, which arrived a few minutes after I'd sent the report. I began to feel that I'd let everyone down and that nobody would forgive me, especially Julia.
"I think this is a good place to stop," said Rachel, pulling into the services. "Why don't we say a fifteen minute break to go to the toilet and stretch your legs?"
"Yes, Rachel," Helen and I said simultaneously. I grinned at the absurdity of how happy that made me feel.
Wow, it seemed so strange. It was just Helen and me, alone, miles from school. When I'd gone to Scotland with Julia, I'd never left Julia's side. Yet today, less than a day after a suicide attempt, Rachel trusted us to behave.
Without cash to splurge at the service station shop, there wasn't much to do, so after visiting the toilets, we made our way back to the car. As we approached, we spotted that Rachel was on her phone, so we went back to the look at what CD's the shop had.
"This one looks good," said Helen, showing me The Scissor Sisters album. That was the problem with motorway service stations, they never had anything up-to-date
"It's on the school network," I said, having been surprised by the words of the songs. "I heard they are working on a new album due out next year."
As we were coming out of the shop, Rachel was just coming into the building. "I'll be with you in two minutes," she rushed quickly towards the ladies.
"I've not had a KFC in months," sighed Helen, looking longingly at the food stalls.
"I know what you mean. The food at the school is nice, but a take-away of fish and chips or pizza would be great every so often."
"Are you two okay?" said Rachel, rejoining us.
"School food is great, but how often do we get chance to just have a fun children's meal?" I asked, mirroring the thoughts we'd had.
"What do you mean?"
"A KFC or McDonalds, or even a pizza with lots of coke."
"Why would you want such food?" Rachel asked, sounding puzzled.
"It's just part of our childhood that we're missing out on, that we don't really have to. I'm not talking about every day, but as a treat that we can savour every so often. And I'm not talking about the kitchen staff making it, but actually getting some nice unhealthy food delivered in."
"Well I can't guarantee that we can in school, but we certainly can pig out at lunch if you want," smiled Rachel. "I can't remember eating out for ages."
"Rachel, don't you ever get a day off?" Helen asked, as we got into the car.
"Sometimes, it has been easier lately, with the American staff here to make sure there is enough cover. Apart for meals, do you see every member of the support staff every day?"
"No, I suppose we don't," agreed Helen.
"Is that why sometimes year five doesn't have someone at their table?" I said, thinking back. "I always assumed it was because they were busy elsewhere."
"The American's don't seem to have the problem as they have a bigger support staff. They have general councillors that deal with the ordinary as well as the psychiatric team. At Hayfield, there are ten students in year-one, and there is talk about taking ten or twelve next year. It might be time to hire an extra person."
"What about Mr Hobson. He always seems to be there."
"He lives at the school, so even if he has a day off, he will always try to be around for breakfast and the evening meal."
My PDA beeped with the arrival of a message. I looked and it was from Julia. She apologised for the length of time getting back to me and said that she'd implemented my well thought out suggestions. That cheered me up a little. Perhaps she wasn't ignoring me, after all.
"Do you mind if I have a small nap?" I asked. "Last night was tiring."
"I think I'll join you," said Helen.
The continuous drone of the car on the motorway soon sent me to sleep and the next thing I knew was when the car slowed as we got off the motorway.
"Are we nearly there?" I murmured, not wanting to wake Helen, who was still asleep.
"We will be in a few minutes. Can you gently wake Helen, so she has chance to come around?"
"Wake up, Helen," I gently rubbed my hand against her arm.
"Leave me a bit longer," she complained, half asleep.
"We are nearly there," I said, rubbing her leg this time. "I think we have a can of Dr Pepper in the bag."
"Okay," she grumbled, shifting position to stretch her legs.
"So where are we?" I asked, giving Helen a drink to suck on.
"You'll see," Rachel promised, turning through a set of gates into a driveway.
"This is a cemetery," said Helen, as the tombstones came into view.
"Correct," confirmed Rachel. "There is something here that I want you to see."
Rachel parked the car and took a potted plant from the boot of the car. We followed her to a specific grave. It was rather plain and just said "Jason Paul Bishop, died 23 July 2005"
"Who is Jason?" Helen asked.
"Jason was a transsexual and had transitioned to be Tina Francis Bishop. Let me tell you her story as I tidy up the grave a bit."
For the story, read: Denied
Helen and I listened as we helped Rachel with a bit of tidying.
"But that's so unfair," I sniffed. "How could Yvonne do that?"
"Do what?" said Rachel.
"The gravestone should say Tina Francis Bishop."
"When someone dies, the next of kin gets to decide these things," said Rachel sadly. "Since they weren't divorced, Yvonne got to make the choice she did. There was a lot of protest from the transgendered community, but Yvonne decided for the good of the children. It's a place where they can go to remember their father without their knowing the past. Tina gave up any say when she killed herself."
"The children didn't know?"
"No, as far as I know, they didn't."
"It seems a total waste," I said, in between blowing my nose. "The children lost a parent and Tina never became who she needed to be."
Rachel and Helen both gave me meaningful looks and I frowned. I'd got the point; they didn't have to rub it in.
"We have quite a drive to the next stop, so let's get going," said Rachel.
I glanced at the note, attached to the potted plant. It was addressed to Tina. Rachel had remembered Tina in the right way. I ran to catch up with them.
My PDA rang as we were stopped for something to eat, while heading for our next destination. We had eaten at a Burger King and I had to stop myself from picking it up with greasy fingers. After wiping my fingers, I saw Anna's name shown on the screen.
"Hi Anna, how's your course going?"
"Hey, it isn't too bad. We're getting some great tips and ideas, and we all thought we were okay. Heck, even Jessica is worrying less."
I laughed as I heard the protest in the background.
"It seems most of us had some mild stress in our lives due to the school work, but nothing that should cause any problems. Apparently a bit of stress isn't bad, unless it is ignored."
"Sounds like I'm missing out," I sighed. Seeing Tina's grave and hearing what had happened had left me rather spooked. At the moment, I'd rather have been anywhere than with Rachel. I couldn't imagine where we would be going next. Perhaps she would be showing me how the dinosaurs became extinct because they didn't talk to each other enough.
"I rang to see if things were okay. You sound a bit upset."
"I'll explain more tonight, but Rachel has just been showing us the consequences of last night's action. We've been to our first stop, and we've just had lunch while on our way to our final stop. We should be home late this evening."
"We asked if we could have you on tracker, but it got refused. Even Matilda said that she wouldn't help. She says she is under some sort of promise not to go near that system."
Interesting. First Julia seemed distracted, and then Matilda had to promise not to go near a part of the computer system. I wonder if something is happening.
"Well I can't tell you where we're going, as Rachel hasn't told us," I said, half trying to provoke Rachel. She just smiled and stole one of my chips. "I'll ring when we are on the way home and we know roughly when we will be back."
When we were back in the car, and again driving along the motorway, I asked Rachel, "Is something special happening?"
"What do you mean?" replied Rachel. Helen too looked enquiringly at me.
"First this morning Julia said she'd been rather busy, and it seems Matilda has had to promise to keep her fingers out of certain systems."
"And they think that will stop her?" Helen asked, sounding very surprised.
"From what I've heard, she keeps her promises," I responded.
"I've not heard that anything special is happening today," said Rachel, "but I'm not always told beforehand. I just have to make sure that everyone is okay afterwards."
"Why?"
"Remember when you went to get Jill and Anna? There were certain things you needed to get off your chest. The sight of armed police threatening to shoot someone, the fear of being in a house with an angry mob trying to burn it down. Those sights were not something you knew how to deal with."
"I suppose not," I admitted.
"How bad does it get?" Helen asked.
"If all goes to plan, it shouldn't get anything like as bad as Jayne experienced that day. However, the unexpected can happen."
The scenery flashed by as the car ate the miles. After a while, Helen and I glanced at each other. "We can't be, can we?" whispered Helen.
"It looks like it," I responded. "But why?"
"You'll see," said Rachel, obviously hearing our whispers.
"Do you think we can see our families, while we are here?" said Helen, excitedly.
I moved across one seat, so I was right next to Helen and took her hands into mine. "You know the rules," I sighed. "We can't see our families. What happened with Jessica was an emergency."
It seemed rather heartless of Rachel. She knew how it hurt Helen that she couldn't see her parents again, and being this close obviously built up hope.
"I know," sobbed Helen, leaning her head on my shoulder. "I know. I just had a moments relapse. I'll be okay."
"No, Helen. You were there for me yesterday. Let me be here for you today." I turned to Rachel and said, "I hope there is a good reason that you've bought us here today. You knew how upset Helen would be coming this close to home."
"We wouldn't have needed to come if you'd not attempted suicide, and yes, there is a good reason we are here today, as you will see in a few minutes."
When we turned into what was our destination my heart sank. Another cemetery. The last one had been quite traumatic enough. I had a sneaking suspicion why we were visiting this one. Yes, coming here today was my fault, but I'm sure this visit would have happened at some stage in my life, either at school or after I'd finished.
"Do you know where the grave is?" I asked.
"Of course," she said. "You don't think we'd have made this trip unless I was prepared."
We parked in a mostly deserted car park and followed Rachel, who expertly guided us. "Well, this has changed," she commented.
"Let me guess, you saw the grave while doing the background research before offering me the place."
Rachel just smiled. "It was a rather unvisited grave last time I came."
There were flowers and a little sign saying, "To the sister I only started to know. I wish I'd known you longer."
I started to cry when I read the sign. Obviously mum had started to deal with the death of her sibling, rather than ignore it. I wonder how much the rest of the family knew. I began to think about Mum's letter to me, the one that had been read out to everyone last night. To die such a horrible death. To slit ones wrists and die an agonising death isn't something a teenager should ever have thoughts about. How can people treat them so bad that it came to that? I still don't understand why I tried, but I know that I can't ever do it again. I can't, given Helen and all those that care about me. How much pain must Mum have felt when she discovered the body?
"Are you okay?" asked Helen, slipping her hand into mine.
"I don't want to end up like this," I said, trying to hold back the tears. "I don't want to cause others pain."
"What about your pain?"
"I don't know why I got like that. It was a sudden reaction to a temporary problem. After the Russia trip, I'll be back as David."
"You could be now if you wanted."
"No," I said violently shaking my head. "I made my choice for this trip. I'm not going to change." I stood there, facing the grave, Helen holding my hand. My thoughts wondering about the aunt I never knew, and the loving new family that I had. Suicide was no longer an option for me.
"Hello, Dr Ruiz," a familiar voice from behind me interrupted my thoughts. "What are you doing here?"
What is 'she' doing here? She should be at work. This is going to cause some issues. I wonder how Rachel is going to deal with this one?
I was faced away, but straightening up, I turned and smiled weakly at my Mum.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 38
I'm wearing trousers, so mum shouldn't see anything strange there. My coat is quite thick, so that should hide my breasts. My hair might not help much. It is longer and differently styled then when I lived with my parents. I hope she doesn't notice.
"Hello David," Mum started cheerfully, then abruptly stopped. She looked over me, her face with a slight frown. "No, not quite David." She paused and took a breath before asking, "What name do you use?"
"What?" I said lamely, crumpling slightly under my mum's gaze. After a few weeks at school, I felt quite confident in myself, but today all that confidence appeared to have abandoned me.
"The trousers are female cut and I can see the slight bumps under your coat, which is buttoned up on the wrong side. Oh, and your haircut is definitely feminine."
"Umm," I said, looking at Rachel for support. She just indicated for me to carry on. Helen was still holding my hand, giving it an occasional squeeze to let me know she was there. I straightened up and looked my Mum directly in the eye. "The name you gave me, Jayne."
Mum frowned, knowing I was referring to the letter she'd sent. "Didn't I tell you to wait until you'd finished at school? Not everybody is understanding."
"The school is okay with Jayne," said Rachel, talking at last. "The primary aim of the school is to be somewhere the children can learn in a protected environment. David, is still unsure about who he is. He decided to be Jayne for a bit to see what it's like. If he decides to go back to being David, then that is as acceptable as staying as Jayne. All anybody at the school wants is David, or Jayne, to be happy.
"Why are you here, Mum?" I asked, trying to divert everyone from my appearance. "Shouldn't you be at work?"
"Aren't you pleased to see me?" she asked, sounding hurt.
"Of course I'm happy to see you, but I don't want you in trouble."
"Oh, I'm not. I got a phone call from a nice man. He said you were going to be here about this time. Anyway, I'm missing study time, not work. It is all in the letter I sent yesterday, but I doubt you will have got it yet. I'm trying to catch up on the education I missed and this afternoon was home study."
"Jayne and Helen, would you please wait in the car," interrupted Rachel. "Mrs Grant and I need to have a little chat." Rachel threw her car keys to Helen, who deftly caught them.
Mum seemed different, more alert and shrewder than I remember her. I wonder what had been happening in her life. Perhaps she has moved on, like I have. One thing is for sure, people change. Helen and I walked briskly to the car, not saying anything, but we could feel the buzz emitting from each other. Once in the car, and the doors shut, we looked at each other and said excitedly, "Another leak!"
"But this one seems aimed at us," I pointed out. "Why?"
"I've no idea, but only a few people knew we were coming here today. That must narrow down the list."
"Who knew?"
"Well, Rachel for one," said Helen. "I presume Mr Hobson knew."
"And Rachel was on the phone when we were at the service station," I pointed out. "Do you think she could have leaked it?"
"Until we know who else knew, it is difficult to say. However, we do need to let Stacy know. She can start making discrete enquires at her end."
"There might be one thing that the leaker doesn't know. The company my Mum works for is a bit paranoid. All phone calls are logged and those without caller ID are recorded."
"Sounds like something The Manor teams could find," thought Helen aloud. "So far it very much looks like a Hayfield leak, rather than anybody at The Manor. Your Mum seems to have taken things well."
"I suppose. She's had that experience when she was younger and recently she was having counselling about it. Before I left, Mum didn't seem interesting in learning. I wonder if the counselling is stopping her blaming herself for her sister's death."
"It's nice that you think of James like that. I wonder what his female name was."
"If we get chance, we can ask her. If not, I can ask in the next letter," I responded. "Now, while Rachel isn't here, let me try and get hold of Stacy."
"Won't it be orchestra practice?" said Helen.
"Yes, that is why I'm sending her a text message. I'm sure she will ask for a break."
I sent the message. "Another leak. At grave of my uncle who committed suicide and my mum appeared. She said someone had rung to let her know. Please ring for more info."
Suddenly, Helen asked, "Why didn't you say goodbye to your mum, just in case she doesn't come back to the car?"
"Because ..."
"Because of what?" Helen asked, puzzled.
"Because it would have been too hard for me. I'm sure I would have started to cry, and that would probably give mum a clue," I said, starting to tear up. "I doubt Rachel is going to tell my mother that we will never see each other again. Mum would have a cow."
At that moment, the phone decided to ring. I couldn't talk in the state I was in, so passed my phone to Helen.
"Hi Stacy," said Helen. "No, Jayne is a bit tearful at the moment, just telling me how she daren't say goodbye to her mum, as she would get a big clue. I think only a few people knew where we were going today, that might be a big clue. Also, one for The Manor team. It seems the company where Jayne's mum works, records all unidentified calls. They might have the voice recorded."
Helen listened for a minute and passed the phone to me.
"Hi Stacy," I said, trying to make my voice sound normal.
"Don't worry Jayne. We will get whoever's doing this. You are the third pupil they've terrorised and I think we've got more to go on."
"Be careful who you tell," I sniffed. "Try and keep it with the Manor, just in case. Also, Rachel made a phone call when we stopped about ten thirty."
"I'll check. I doubt it's Rachel, but we can't tell. Have a safe journey back."
I snuggled up to Helen and waited for Rachel's return. It felt nice to have her comforting arms around me. I was glad of the warm coat, as the car started to get cold.
"Helen, have you started the car in your driving lessons yet?" I asked.
"Sure, why?"
"Because I'm beginning to get very cold and was wondering if you could start the engine without causing the car to move."
"Oh, right," she said, jumping out of the car and entering the driver's seat. After making sure it wasn't in gear, she started the engine. As the car started to warm up, her phone rang.
"Hi Rachel," said Helen quickly answering her phone. "No, Jayne was starting to get a bit cold, so I started the engine. Okay, see you in a few minutes."
Helen hung up the phone. "Seems your mum nearly died when she saw the car start. Rachel calmed her down by explaining that I was safe to drive."
"Safe? Mum knows that you're my age."
Helen shrugged her shoulders, but stayed in the driver's seat until Rachel turned up. She was alone.
"What happened?" I asked, with mixed feelings. Sadness, because I didn't get to see Mum one more time, and relief, as I'm not sure how I'd have coped having to say goodbye, knowing the awful truth.
"Everything is fine. She hopes you have a happy Christmas. She knows to keep what she saw to herself and I think there is little danger to the school."
"But what about seeing her again?" I asked. "How much did you tell her?"
"Just that you will be at the school every day until you finish. She understands that she won't see you until then. She is just starting to get over James's death. I didn't think giving her any other information would achieve anything."
Internally I agreed, but I couldn't say that to Rachel. I hated the thought of mum looking forward to the day she'd see me again, and having her hopes dashed. Would it be as bad for her as it was losing James?
"I don't think it would be wise to tell anybody else about bumping into my mother," I said to Rachel. "I wouldn't want others to think the school was in danger."
Helen had her arms around me as we pulled out of the car park. I started crying again as we drove past my mother, knowing this would probably be the last time I saw her for many years.
"I remember someone telling me to look forward, not back," Helen said eventually.
I gave her a little smile, remembering back to our first day at school. "I think it is sometimes easier to tell someone, that than live up to it, but you are right, I have to look forward. I've missed two days of orchestra practice and if I'm not careful, I'll lose the principle French Horn slot."
"I doubt that," laughed Helen, glad to see I was thinking of something else other than today's outing.
I had an idea, based on what Matilda did when the Americans' first arrived. I pulled out my PDA and started tapping away. I sent a note to Julia, informing her about what I planned and started preparing to send a copy of the practice to my PDA. Helen and I could then listen to the practice and hear any issues that we needed to know. Julia came back quickly, agreeing to it as long as the output only went to my PDA, and not the entire schools.
When Rachel realised that the music emanating from my PDA was the practice, she looked shocked. "How did you do that?" she asked, her eyes wide open.
"I used an idea that Matilda did the other week, though it is just coming out of mine.
"Do you mind turning it up?" she asked, sounding rather excited. "I rarely get to hear you all play."
I shrugged and turned up the volume. I suppose the last time she'd heard us play, apart from the few minutes the other week, when Matilda had done the same thing, but to all PDA's, was in France. Rachel was treating this very much as a treat.
They were practicing the final movement of Beethoven's ninth symphony. There was only an occasional interruption, where Lewis highlighted an issue. I'd played it so much, I knew the music off by heart and could visualise my part as the music progressed. From the look on Helen's face, she was doing the same.
When it ended, Rachel had a look of sheer enjoyment on her face. "I don't know how you and the choir do it, but that was wonderful. The amount of energy and feeling you all put into it. I feel very honoured that I was able to hear you again."
"Really?"
"Really. One of the things I like to do is go to concerts. I don't think I've heard a better performance."
"I suppose it's all the practice we do. I'm sure the professional orchestra's can pick up the music a lot quicker than we can."
"Probably," Rachel agreed. "However, you are young and still learning. When you finish the school, I'm sure you will find it much easier to learn the pieces."
"Rachel," I asked, after terminating the sound link from the finished rehearsal. "Did you know what James's femme name was?"
"No, sorry I don't. Your mum never told me, and it was obviously something too painful to ask her. Why?"
"I just thought after seeing the small sign mum had created, saying she wish she'd known her sister more, it would be more respectful to refer to Uncle James in the female, like you did with Tina. If you didn't know, I planned to write to mum to ask her, but I don't want to upset her. She seems to be doing a lot more with her life than she used to."
"That sounds like a nice idea, but why don't you wait until you've received the letter she's sent, so you can also respond to that."
We knew the journey was going to take a few hours, so we settled back to listen to music, play games and chat. It was nice to talk with Rachel in a neutral setting, about things in general, rather than issues we were suffering from. I would never have thought that Rachel liked to read lightweight romance novels, such as Mills and Boon, and go to things like Abba tribute concerts.
"You'll be telling me next that you've heard of The Scissor Sisters," said Helen, having downloaded the album from the school. She was listening to it on her PDA.
"I saw them doing a special on MTV the other month," laughed Rachel. "A shame all the men in it are gay. They look really great."
"They are?" I asked, surprised.
"Yup. Oh, do you know their next album is due out in the middle of next year?"
"I did, but I'm surprised you'd even heard of them," I said.
"Why?"
"I never thought you would be into stuff like that."
"Hey, I deal with children, it helps knowing what you lot enjoy. It's great that I enjoy it too, but Abba is much nicer. Okay, a quiz for you. What does the name of the band signify? The first one to find out is the winner."
Helen and I were both on our PDA's in a flash, with Rachel giggling slightly in the background at our antics. I thought about diverting some of Helen's bandwidth to my PDA to give me an advantage, but decided I'd beat her fair and square.
"You've got to be kidding," Helen suddenly exclaimed. "Are you trying to corrupt us?"
I'd found the reference just after Helen, and launched into a coughing fit. "Rachel, you don't teach sex-education classes, do you?"
"Not at all, though questions and issues do come up in student conversations. We normally don't run the classes until year-two, but I think we might be running them after Easter, for you lot."
"I thought sex wasn't allowed?"
"It isn't, but it is a statutory lesson that we have to teach. Since everyone in year-one sleeps with their partners, I think doing it earlier would be advisable. At Hayfield, we take our sex education lessons a lot further than other schools. We don't just talk about sex, but also about babies, birth, periods, and self gratification."
"Periods?" I squeaked. "I don't need to know about that, do I?"
"Does Helen have them?" Rachel asked me.
I glanced at Helen, who was red with embarrassment. "I think so," I responded.
"You don't know?" queried Rachel. "But how will you know when she needs extra comfort or extra time in the bathroom?"
"Oh," I blushed. Perhaps I'm not doing very well as a partner.
"Partners are supposed to be there for each other. If you don't understand what Helen is going through, how can you be sympathetic?"
"But it will be embarrassing having males in the class as we discuss it," uttered Helen.
"Okay Helen, who in your year should be in the lesson?" asked Rachel.
"Paula, Anna," started Helen who then paused. "I don't know."
"What about Emma?" Rachel prodded.
"Well, she isn't going to get periods, is she?"
I took a deep breath to rebuke Helen, but Rachel said, "David, wait until afterwards. So Helen, should Lewis have lessons about periods?"
"No," said Helen screwing up her face. "It would be like having a boy in the class."
"But Lewis still has periods, though they will probably stop soon with the medication he's started. What about Sam?"
"I don't know." Helen clenched her fists, sounding very frustrated. "I don't know."
"Don't you think it would help Emma so that she understands from people like you what it is like to have a period? When she is older, she is probably going to work in a company where they don't know her past. It would be helpful for her to be able to at least know what's happening, so it doesn't out her."
"I didn't think of that," said Helen, after taking a few deep breaths. It was nice to see that she was mixing her male and female sides, and not hiding her masculine side like she used to.
"Do you think you'll be able to help the others that need your knowledge?" Rachel asked gently. At no point had Rachel raised her voice, but I began realising how carefully she'd steered the conversation.
"I suppose I wasn't thinking," said Helen. "Periods are a very private thing. My mum taught me to keep things like that to myself."
"So, who do you get to teach? Dr Ruth?" I asked, trying to take the pressure off Helen.
"What a great idea," said Rachel, allowing the topic to change slightly. "She's great at talking about things like masturbation."
"I was only kidding," I said, horrified.
"So was I," laughed Rachel. "I just wish I wasn't driving and could have seen your face."
I thought about throwing something at Rachel, but since she was driving, I decided it might not be wise.
I decided it would be safer not to continue this conversation, so rang the joint head of year-D. "Hi Melissa. I said I'd give an update when I knew when we would be home. We should be home about eight. Would you let everyone know?"
"Sure, how was the day?"
"Hard. I wouldn't say this had been a pleasure trip."
"Speaking of taking a pleasure trip, we have one tomorrow," she informed me.
"That will be nice. Is it the chocolate factory?" I said, trying to remember the list.
"Yes. Erika is getting so excited. I may need some tranquilisers for her"
"I heard that!" Erika called out, obviously close to Melissa.
"Sounds like an early night will be needed. After yesterdays late night, we will all be tired."
An early night? I think that me uttering those words were a jinx. After I'd finished on the phone, Helen and I got a message that Stacy would come and see us at just past ten. At least we wouldn't be breaking curfew, but it certainly wouldn't be an early night.
"Ah, home at last," said Helen, as the car turned through the gates, which closed once we'd passed through.
"Why don't you let the rest of your year know you are nearly home?" suggested Rachel.
I looked at Helen, who had a tired look on her face. "I think we'll just sneak in and surprise them," I said, not wanting a big fuss like what happened with Jessica. "Anyway, we are nearly there now."
"Leave the basket," said Rachel, as Helen went to grab it. "I'll take it back to the kitchen. You run along."
As we walked towards the door, I turned and said to Rachel, "I think I learnt a lot today. Thank you for taking us on what was your day off."
"How did you ... ? Never mind. Run along before I take you on a more thought provoking trip."
Helen and I laughed, as we again headed towards the school entrance.
Home sweet home.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 39
"Hey, why didn't you say you were nearly here?" asked Jessica, as we walked into our year room.
"We didn't want to disturb you," I said.
"And we didn't want a big show," added Helen. "Today hasn't been a nice day and we are both exhausted. We just popped in to say we were back before getting an early night."
"I hope you feel better in the morning," said Anna, before anybody could ask us what had upset us.
"Thanks," I said, trying to smile. I think that if anybody had asked what we'd seen, I would have burst into tears.
Once we got back in my room, I sent Stacy a small text. "We're home, and worn out. Can you see us now, instead of later?"
A few seconds later, Stacy responded letting us know she would be about five minutes.
We sat on my little settee, snuggled together while we waited for Stacy. I still felt really down about things and wasn't sure what to do. The long drive had given me a lot of time to think. I don't think I was suicidal, because I certainly didn't want to end up in a grave marked Jayne. The only other male on the beta team was Andy; maybe he could help. Grabbing my PDA, I quickly sent a message to Stacy asking if Brenda could also come.
"What are you thinking about?" Helen asked, as I sent the second message to Stacy.
"Er, well ... it's hard to explain," I said, worried what Helen would say.
"You think Brenda might be able to help?" Helen queried, peering at my PDA.
"I don't know, but she's been here longer than both of us. I'm just worried, confused and a little scared."
"I think I understand," Helen said slowly. "Look, I'm going to get more upset if you try to hide your worries from me. I think you are worried that I'm going to be upset by what you are thinking."
I blushed.
"You're so cute when you do that," smiled Helen.
"I don't want to be cute though," I sighed, pulling away angrily. I thought Helen understood.
"Sorry," murmured Helen, sounding hurt. "I didn't mean anything bad."
I didn't get a chance to respond, as there was a knock on the door. Since I was the closest, I went to answer.
"Wow, did we come at a bad time?" asked Stacy, as I ushered them in.
"Probably," I forced out between clenched teeth. I was still trying to get control by slowly counting to ten. I indicated that they should sit on the settee. I went and sat on the edge of the bed. Helen just hovered, not knowing what to do.
"I think you need to get your issues sorted before we chat," said Stacy. "You won't be able to concentrate on anything until then. And there is no way you should go to bed in that mood."
"Oh God, no way should you do that," said Brenda. "Stacy and I did that once and it then it just festered for days."
"Are you now Relate councillors?" Helen snapped, not happy that others were interfering in our squabble.
"Just trying to offer unwanted advice," shrugged Brenda. "So, I bet you also don't want to tell us what happened."
"Not really," said Helen. "I also don't want to get in an argument with you. I remember our last chat, Stacy."
"I think I went for a five mile run to get that out of my system," said Stacy. "I hate fights like that, so pointless."
"I just wish Andy was here," I mumbled, breaking the awkward silence.
Brenda and Stacy swapped surprised glances.
"I'm the same person," Brenda pointed out.
"That's not what I meant," I cried in frustration.
"What did you mean?" asked Helen, still not moving. She sounded more normal.
"What's up?" came Andy's voice. I gave a small jump, as it seemed very out of place to hear a distinctly male voice emanating from a girl. I don't think that Helen was expecting it either, as she looked quite disturbed.
"Andy," I started, closing my eyes so I only dealt with the voice I could hear, rather than the pretty young woman that was sitting in front of me. "Did you ever feel that you were under pressure to stay female?"
"I-" started Stacy and Helen at the same time.
"Why don't you two go next door?" interrupted Andy, before Stacy and Helen could continue. "David and I need to have a talk, man to man."
"But-"
"It's a man thing," Andy continued, not letting Stacy say anything. "Now shoo."
When the interconnecting door closed, Andy said, "Look David, why don't you lie down. This could take a while, and is likely to be hard for you."
"Hard?" I quivered, lying down. I grabbed a pillow and hugged it. I wished I was hugging Helen instead.
"Yes, because you have the wrong idea about a lot of things. The school doesn't change the person you are. I'm me and I always will be. You are you, and always will be. The school is here to help you learn through their unique educational methods. One of the many things that students learn here, what they don't learn in a standard school, is who they are. Many people don't discover things about themselves until they are adults, or even when they retire. Heck, life is a constant learning experience and we are only just beginning."
"Okay, but why is that going to be hard on me? I'm fine. However, you haven't answered my question."
"I've not finished. You are learning the scholastic things, but you aren't learning about yourself."
"I am," I protested.
"No, you're not," retorted Andy, in a calm and firm voice. "You are going through the motions. You're going through the lessons, but you're not learning from them. You are hearing, but not listening. You took the male lessons, but you instantly dismissed them. You didn't even try experimenting with what you learned, or altering it to find out what it means to be male. The same with being female, you accept that for part of the time you are female, especially for going on field trips, but then you don't try to learn how you feel about it."
"But I'm happy being as I was before I came to this school," I retorted.
"Really, were you actually living your life, or were you just existing?"
Just existing? I'd heard that before. I wracked by brain, trying to think where. It quickly came to me, my interview with Rachel, just before I was accepted at the school. I began to think back to before I joined the school.
"David? ... David?"
"Huh?" I said, the voice jarring me out of my thoughts.
"You start out shaking and crying slightly, but then you went quiet, and I was worried."
"I was remembering back to when I had my interview. I remember thinking how I'd just been surviving and not really living before coming here."
"Why was that?"
"Because I lived in my room. I had no interests, or hobbies, apart from computers; no friends, nothing really to live for. I would often get beat up, and only people like my brother would save me."
"Yet you didn't try to commit suicide then, so why did you here, where none of that is happening?"
"Because I saw even less future."
"Less?"
"I thought everyone wanted me to be a girl," I said, after a momentary pause.
"You still do though."
"Not really."
"Not really?" Andy asked. I took a peek and saw a surprised girl sitting on the couch. I quickly closed my eyes again. "Then why was your question at the beginning about pressure to stay female?"
Damn, why did Andy have such a good memory!
There was a sharp knock on the main bedroom door and before I could react, Dr Ruiz burst through the door.
"What's going on?" a breathless Rachel said, full of concern. "The remote monitoring of your vital statistics showed alarming values."
"David here wanted a little chat, man-to-man," said Brenda, still using Andy's voice.
Rachel's eyebrows shot into her fringe at the strange situation.
"Helen and Stacy are next door if you want to make sure they're okay," said Andy, making shooing motions towards Helen's room. "I'll let you know when we've finished our chat so any other raised levels after then can be appropriately acted upon."
"Okay," she replied suspiciously. "Just remember, I'm available if needed."
When Rachel had disappeared through the interconnecting door Andy continued, "Now, where were we ... oh yes, you were denying that you still thought that everyone wanted you to be a girl. David, I can't help you unless you want me to. Do you want my help?"
"No ... yes ... I don't know." I was becoming frustrated and in my usual way, my moist eyes started to turn into waterfalls.
"David, are you happy at presenting as a girl?"
"I can do it."
"But are you happy doing it. Does it feel right to you?"
"No," I sobbed.
"Okay, are you happy at presenting fully as a boy, where everyone thinks you are a boy?"
"No, not really, it feels wrong."
"Okay, then how about how you are normally. Presenting yourself as a boy, but people mistaking you as a girl?"
"No, that isn't right either," I replied, trying to calm down.
"Then why aren't you experimenting to find out what does make you happy?"
"Because I was born as I am. Isn't it wrong to change that?"
Andy gave a yell of frustration, which caused me to open my bleary eyes and look. All I saw was a man in women's clothes, pacing the room. There was certainly nothing feminine about the walk.
Eventually Andy must have calmed down, as he turned and said, "Do you then think what Stacy did was wrong?"
"No, not at all. I think she is very brave. I just can't see me changing my body."
"Has anybody asked you to?"
"To what?"
"To physically change your body?" Andy explained patiently. His calm attitude was driving me nuts.
"Well, no, but-"
Andy didn't let me finish, "Has anybody asked you to take medication to stop you from developing?"
"No, but-"
"Has anybody told you that you can't be anything you want?"
"No."
"Then why do you think that everyone wants you to be a girl?"
"Because I always end up as Jayne."
"Didn't Rachel try to talk you out of going on this trip as Jayne? Didn't Stacy tell you that you didn't have to?"
"I suppose."
"And wasn't it you who decided to go as Jayne? Only last night, weren't you given a get out?"
"It wouldn't have been right to take it. It wouldn't have been fair on the others."
"What others?"
"People who wanted to travel in a different gender than they are."
"Do you really think that there was anyone who didn't know and weren't in the appropriate gender when Mr Hobson made his announcement? It sounds to me like you're just using that as an excuse."
"I just want to be with Helen, okay," I reluctantly explained, turning red. I'd managed to stop crying, but still felt fragile.
"Now that sounds more like the truth. You can be back dressed in whatever manner you want after you're back from Russia. Now to answer your question, I know who I am inside; I'm Andy. When I'm dressed as Brenda, it is just that, clothes, with a bit of makeup and acting thrown in for good measure. Nobody at this school has ever asked me to physically change who I am."
"So just because I'm in the beta team —" My voice trailed off.
"Nobody is going to ask any more of you than any other student, well in your physical situation, anyway. It has been traditional that the beta team goes abroad as female, and if we are needed while abroad, we can all dress in male clothes, adding a good disguise. Stacy saw how much this was causing you trouble, so she changed things to give you the option."
"And you are staying male?" I again asked.
"Too damn right I am," Andy said with much feeling. "I like my male bits, and I think Stacy does too."
"You've had sex?" I asked, my eyes now wide open in surprise.
"Ooh, you're getting kinda nosey now. But to answer your question, no, it is far too early for Stacy."
"But, isn't it against the rules."
"Sure, but didn't Stacy once tell you that it was one of the rules that no student ever manages to keep?"
"But don't they all get punished?"
"Only if they are caught, and most students aren't naive enough to go round with a silly grin on their face."
I blushed. Yes, Helen and I did have silly grins.
"We didn't actually have proper sex," I protested.
"Wow, you missed out there, or so I hear. Until Stacy had her op, we just had to improvise."
"Improvise?" I queried, my mind going into overdrive. "Never mind, I don't think I want to know. Anyway, when I tried, I nearly puked."
"Too much excitement?"
"I'd never thought of that, but I doubt it. Every time I get aroused, I feel ill."
"Bummer. That must really suck. Have you talked to Rachel about it?"
"We started to discuss it, but Helen and I were really tired and we both fell asleep on Rachel's settee."
Andy burst out into howls of laughter. I'm glad our rooms are soundproofed, or Andy would have woken up half the school. Unfortunately, the rooms connecting study partners aren't soundproofed, so Helen and Stacy heard and came charging though the door.
Andy had just started to gain some self-control, but when he saw Helen he started howling again.
"Are you finished?" asked Helen.
"Not quite," guffawed Andy. "I couldn't imagine what Rachel would have said about that."
"About what?" Stacy enquired.
"About falling asleep in Rachel's office."
The laughter must have been contagious, as Stacy started tittering away. Helens spluttering didn't help. I suppose looking back it was funny. I wonder what my vital statistics were telling Rachel, as I joined in with the merriment.
Stacy and Helen disappeared back to Helen's room, and Andy became much more serious.
"You can't live your life like you are doing, or you will go nuts."
"I think I'm already nuts to talk to you about this. So, what do you suggest?"
"You need to experiment a bit, to find out what makes you happy in life."
"I've tried the most obvious three things and I don't think Sam's solution is down my street either."
"Sam's solution?"
"Never mind. Sam will tell the rest of the school when ready. Heck, Sam only just told the rest of us last week."
"Oh, not the androgynous thing then?"
Damn, I'll have to do better than that. I can do better than that.
"Look, why don't you come and see me tomorrow?" Andy suggested. "I think I can kick off some major experimenting."
"Tomorrow's our years trip out to Cadbury World."
"Ah, what I have planned might not be a good idea if you are going out. Well, let's get together the day after and we can see what I can do to help you."
"Thanks, I think," I said, slightly nervous about what Andy had up his sleeve.
"Do you mind if I switch back to Brenda's voice?" Andy asked.
"Oh sure, thanks for being so understanding."
"Are you going to be okay?"
"I think so. I don't plan to do anything silly."
"That's what everyone says when they plan to do something silly," said Brenda gravely. The she called loudly, "Honey, we're finished."
"I'm sorry I snapped earlier," I said to Helen, as she came through the door.
"I'm sorry I called you cute," she responded.
"Oh, but Jayne, you are cute," teased Brenda, her eyes twinkling.
"Sorry about taking up so much of your time," I apologised.
"I'm just glad you are asking for help when you need it," said Stacy. "You've already given guidance to some in your year, though you do have a pretty sensible bunch. You need to do the same for others."
"I'm learning," I said, then changing the subject. "Now, did you have an update on the phone call?"
"Yes," said Stacy, a change coming over her as she became more businesslike. "You were right, the phone call was recorded and we were easily able to retrieve the message. It was analysed and it wasn't the voice of anybody at the school."
"Oh," said Helen, sounding disappointed.
"Stacy has more though," I said, looking at Stacy.
"Yes, the person might not work at the school, but the voice is known. His name is Louis Jumelet, and works for someone only known as The Supplier. If it is The Supplier that is behind this, then the theory is that he is protecting whatever deal he has arranged."
"It doesn't help us find the leak though," said Helen.
"No, it doesn't, but now we know a little more than we did. We do know that The Supplier likes to work behind the scenes, and get others to do his dirty work. For him and his team to be involved so closely, must mean that he is very nervous."
"Are we in danger?" I asked.
"We being the Beta team, or the students?"
"I was thinking of the students."
"When you told me earlier what had happened, I spoke with Mr Hobson about this. If there was any danger to students, we wouldn't be going to Russia."
"But isn't the trip very important?" Helen queried.
"Yes, but Mr Hobson would never put people in danger. Heck, I really don't think he likes the beta team concept."
I inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. I would hate anybody to get hurt, especially Helen.
"Does anybody else know about today?"
"Just Kriss and the person she got to do the search. We reported the results to Mr Moore, but that is it."
"Not even Mr Hobson?"
"No, Mr Moore can do that. I don't like going behind Mr Hobson's back, but today there were so few people that knew where you were going."
"What about Rachel?" Helen asked.
"She only made one call today and that was at the time you saw her on the phone. She called someone here, rather than someone external."
"Could the person have rung someone else?" I said, sounding rather paranoid. "Anyway, who was it? You sound like you're hiding something."
Stacy grimaced and reluctantly said, "She rang Julia. Matilda was with her at that time, and confirmed to Kriss what the call was about."
"Oh," I said, looking down at my lap.
"Indeed," said Stacy, gravely. "Please let me know how things go between you and Julia over the next few days."
"Talking of Matilda, I have a question," I said, trying to get off the thoughts of how I'd disappointed Julia. "It seems June not only gave me early lessons, but did the same for Matilda. RJ, Julia's opposite number at The Manor, seemed to think it wouldn't be a bad idea for Matilda to meet June. Do you think it is and what do you think Mr Hobson and Mr Moore would say?"
"Have a quick word with Kriss in the morning, but I think it would be a good idea. If Kriss agrees, then you need to approach Mr Hobson and Mr Moore. Even though Matilda isn't part of the Beta team yet, she already knows about what's going on at the Manor. "
"She also knows who the Beta team is here," I interrupted. "She didn't say it in so many words, but she discreetly let me know she knew. Yet she also knows how to keep quiet."
"God, that girl will be the death of me," moaned Stacy.
I had to laugh. It seemed the others did too, as we all giggled.
"Anything else?" asked Brenda.
"Can I go to bed now?" I asked.
"Sorry, Stacy is already taken," responded Brenda.
I looked shocked, until Brenda gave me a wink, and Stacy gave Brenda what looked like a firm punch in the arm.
"I'll let Rachel know we are leaving," said Brenda, as they got up to leave.
"It seems strange, but I'm sort of glad I'm being monitored," I said, as Helen and I snuggled down in bed. "It feels nice that the school cares that much."
* * *
"Ah Jayne, come on in," said Mr Hobson, indicating I should sit on the settee. Mr Moore was already sitting on one of the seats. "You said you wanted to see us both about something?"
"Yes, but before I get to that, I'm sorry that I caused you both hassles the other night."
"I'm just glad you're alive," said Mr Hobson. "I'd rather deal with a suicidal student than a dead student."
"I would rather nobody got suicidal," said Mr Moore, "but I was always a dreamer."
"So how are you feeling now, and I don't mean embarrassed and wishing you weren't in here?" queried Mr Hobson, genuinely wanting to know how I felt.
"Yesterday was hard, but I think I learnt a lot from it. And yes, I thought about just sending you both a message, but I thought it was more polite to see you."
"It is certainly more personal," agreed Mr Hobson. "So, what did you want to see us about?"
"It concerns Matilda," I started. Both the heads sat up straight and looked at me earnestly. "Are you both aware that she had extra lessons like I did, before starting school?"
"I'd read about it when I joined the school," said Mr Moore. "Seems RJ was rather surprised about it when he found out."
"Yes, sorry about that. I'm not sure how RJ got missed there," apologised Mr Hobson.
Mr Moore just waved it away. Those two seemed to get on rather well. "Well, it seems that the person who taught her was the same person that taught me. I met her the other month and I think it might help Matilda if she was to meet her 'teacher'."
"Help in what way?" asked Mr Moore.
"Matilda still has issues with her height and June isn't that tall. It would also help Matilda learn more than she does, in a controlled way, rather than her discovering things by chance. It helped me understand some little mysteries of my past."
"Her frustration about her lack of height is something we haven't been able to do anything about. It has been very frustrating for Ellen and a challenge for Dr Harris" Mr Moore pondered. "Quentin, June was your student, are you okay with the two of them getting together?"
"Was, is the operative word. I don't have any problems with it. At the end of the day June has to agree. Knowing June, she'll probably agree and come up with some totally outrageous plan. I'll contact June while you are on your trip. I'm sure you'll get to chat with her later."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 40
I had pictures in my head of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory from the Tim Burton film; this was nothing like it. There was no chocolate river and certainly no edible grass inside. The smell though was something else. The fragrance of warm, sweet chocolate hung in the air as we entered the visitor attraction. We'd already been warned that we would only see the packaging part of the factory, and not any of the secret production areas.
As with any place like this, there always had to be some educational element, which in this case started with the history of chocolate. They even had a small liquid sample of how it used to be made as a drink.
"That was disgusting," Helen gagged, after taking a sip.
"It can't be that bad, surely," said Erika, before she took a small taste. "I take that back," she said holding her hand over her mouth and going slightly green.
I just smiled and avoided the offered sample. I'm sure that Helen will tell me that I'd missed out on a life experience. Yeah right.
"Would you like some chocolate?" a young woman asked as we moved on. She was wearing a Cadbury World uniform, so I presumed it was safe.
"It doesn't taste like that other sample, does it?" Brian asked rather sourly. It sounded like he wished he'd resisted earlier.
"No," she laughed. "This is our regular stuff."
"Okay," we responded eagerly and took the free bars.
"Hey, you shouldn't have it," said Melissa. "You don't have a nasty taste to get out of your mouth."
"True," I agreed, quickly taking a bite. "But I'm hungry. Doesn't that count?"
The tour was great, and quite an eye opener. Prior to going on the tour, I hadn't any idea how they made chocolate, now I knew some. They kept us supplied with chocolate as we went round and after we'd finished the tour, we didn't feel like having any lunch.
"So Erika, did you enjoy it?" asked Melissa, as we made our way back to the coach. After all, it was Erika who so much wanted this trip.
"I could have stayed there all day." Erika sighed with happiness. "When we moved back to the states, I never thought I would get to see it. I know it isn't quite Christmas, but to me this is the best present I've ever received. That warm fresh chocolate we got to sample at the end, wow."
"Do you miss living in England?" asked Martha.
"A bit. Life was certainly a simpler back then. I don't know, but I'm sure things would have gotten complicated even if I'd stayed in England."
"Why?"
"I'd started to learn about myself and what I wanted. Also, my Dad's job changing has had a big impact."
"Did you have to join the school?" I wondered out loud.
"No, I was back in a normal school and took the tests like everyone else. Dad was horrified when I got asked for the interview. It seems Ellen had to have a long talk with him to explain that personal involvement by him wasn't allowed. Now I understand why he was so upset about me joining." Erika seemed a bit down as she talked about her dad.
"Didn't your mum know?" Helen asked.
"It seems that he keeps what happens at the school to himself. Heck, I don't think she knows that she will never see me again."
I saw a solitary tear gently trickled down her left cheek. It looked like Martha was the only other person that noticed, and she mouthed, "I love you," to her partner.
It was the middle of the afternoon when we got back home, just in time for orchestra practice. We only had thirteen days before we set off for Moscow and our practices had been increased to twice a day, morning and afternoon.
"Did you have a good time at Cadbury World?" Brenda asked, as I drained my French horn of accumulated moisture.
"Yeah, it was great, but if you go, stay away from the sample of chocolate they have at the start of the tour. It is supposed to be how chocolate used to taste; it's bitter, and not nice."
"Thanks, I'll remember that," she said. "What about the rest?"
"Interesting, educational and lots of chocolate to munch on as we went round."
"Sounds like a place to visit," agreed Brenda. "Especially if you get lots of chocolate to eat."
"So what do you have in mind for freeing my inhibitions?" I queried, thinking back to her promise from the previous night.
"Sorry, but you will have to wait until after the trip; Rachel insisted. She said she didn't want to risk you getting upset so close to the trip. Afterwards we can have some fun, but Rachel will want to see you frequently to make sure you're okay."
"Oh joy," I moaned. "Seeing Rachel 'frequently' is just what I want."
"Haven't you got an appointment with her later to discuss if you go to Moscow as David or Jayne?"
"That's in the morning," I said with relief. "Tonight I'm going to relax and put my feet up. I'm wacked."
"Oh," Stacy said from behind me. I jumped slightly, as I hadn't heard her wander up.
"Oh?" I said, frowning slightly. "Is that an oh, that I'm not going to relax tonight?"
"You can if you want."
"But?"
"June will be here later. I could try and get her to come another day."
"Do you know if she will have set off already?" I queried.
"Probably."
"Then I will be there," I said without hesitation. "I can relax afterwards."
"I'll organise a room," Stacy said. "When I know when she will be here, I'll let you know."
"Okay." I nodded, as Helen wandered up.
"Are you going to be okay with that?" asked Brenda, all serious.
"Yeah, I'll be fine," I said, giving her a thankful smile.
"Is all okay?" Helen asked as we went towards our year room.
"Yeah, I thought I was going to be able to relax later, but it seems June is coming."
"That shouldn't be too bad, should it?"
"I hope not," I said, putting on a smile as we walked into the year room.
"So, did you enjoy your trip?" asked Becky as we waited for year B to arrive for the evening meal. For some reason they were running late.
"Yes, it was great," we chorused.
"Ah, so none of you tried the ancient chocolate then," she smiled. She started to laugh as our faces fell in horror of the thought of the rather bitter tasting chocolate. No wonder modern chocolate has a lot of sugar in it.
Year B arrived, slightly breathlessly, which disturbed our immediate discussion. Once they were settled, Mr Hobson rose.
"Now that the Black Sheep have arrived, I would like to say a few words about the next few weeks. I got chance to hear today's practice, and even to my untrained ear you are sounding great. Therefore, we will be having something a little different planned for Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. For Christmas Eve there will be some outside carol singing, which for the sake of the audience can be in English. I think Hayfield Hall has a little catching up to do get somewhere close to the quality of Immigration Manor, so morning practice will be singing and afternoon will be orchestra practice."
Mr Hobson stopped to take a sip of water. "For Boxing Day, which for our American friends is the day after Christmas Day, we will be doing a special show. You are to perform something lasting no more than twenty minutes. This can be singing, dancing, music, a play or whatever performance you can imagine. You can do this as a team or as an individual. We've not done this for a few years now. Last time we did this, one group of students did Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. They even dressed so much like them that I thought someone has snuck in the real thing. In hindsight, I should have known better as Freddie Mercury had been dead ten years."
A gentle ripple of laughter flowed around the room, and a few excited conversations started, trying to come up with some ideas of what we could do. An idea started forming in my mind which I knew I'd want to mention to Helen. After all, she might have a better idea than mine.
"Okay, one last thing, Christmas Day. Traditionally we have only had two services, the midnight service and one at ten. However, since this year we have several different religious followings, there will be several different services at different times and places. These details should be available from the twenty-third. Please be aware that there are others here that don't celebrate Christmas, so please be tolerant of that. Any questions? ... No, then enjoy your meal."
As we ate, Emma pondered, "Mr Hobson referred to year B as the Black Sheep; it didn't sound like he was putting them down, but a rather affectionate name."
"Mr Peterson first used it last year, a few months after they started at the Manor," explained Randall. "When Mr Moore took over, the name sort of stuck. It's from some television series."
"Baa Baa Black Sheep?" queried Anna, putting down her PDA.
"Cheat," came the chorus from the table. Anna just shrugged and laughed.
"It seems there is a film with the same name on the list," I said, referring to the film list. "What do you think?"
"It sounds like a nursery rhyme," chortled Helen.
Ken leaned back and passed the message to the second of our year tables. It was agreed, so I grabbed my PDA to arrange for the movie to show in our year room for half-seven. I just hoped that this gave me enough time to sort out the Matilda issue.
"It isn't a film, but a pilot," said Randall.
"So, what is next on your field trip list?" asked Becky as we munched away on our scrumptious food
"We have to do the castle," said Wesley.
"Nah, a theme park," put in Emma
Soon the whole year rhymed off their suggestions. I still think going to a beach in the middle of winter was a mad idea. I think Melissa and Aaron need to keep an eye on Elaine.
As the meal ended, Mr Hobson rose and the room fell silent. "It has come to my attention that the Black Sheep reference has caused many years to want to watch the pilot to the series Baa Baa Black Sheep. Since so many are interested, I will organise it to be shown tonight in our cinema. With our guests, things will probably be slightly cosier than normal. The showing will be starting at about eight, so anybody with a curfew at ten will automatically have it extended."
As we filed out of the dining room, I turned to the others in our year, "Sorry, but I've got a meeting about a Munchkin, so I'll be there a bit later. I just hope I'm in time for the entertainment."
"Don't worry," said Wesley, a twinkle in his eye. "We won't let them start without you."
"Is she in trouble?" asked Carolyn, one of the quieter members of the Manor mob.
"No, just trying to arrange something a bit special for her," I replied, not wanting to give too much away.
"Just make sure it's nice," said Melissa. "She is one special girl."
"Plus, she's great as she never lets anything get in her way," added Tina.
"And she knows more Star Trek quotes than anyone here," piled on Philip.
"Sorry?" queried Wesley indignantly.
"Well, almost anybody," laughed Philip. "You've been so good this trip, I almost forgot you."
I wandered off to the room where my PDA indicated I was to meet June. I still didn't know much about her, apart from that she was the previous Beta One, last year's head student, and the person who had taught Matilda and me more than we ever wanted to know about computers.
"Hey, Jayne," June said, as I tentatively opened the door. "Come on in, shut the door and relax a bit. I'm not going to eat you."
"You look a lot neater than the last time I saw you," I said nervously, sitting down.
"Well that's not a surprise. I was doing some building work at the time," she laughed. She had a nice gentle laugh that immediately put me at ease. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"
"I believe you might have helped train a young person in America who goes by the name of Matilda."
"I don't know a Matilda," June frowned. "Are you sure it was me?"
"At the time she was called," I took out my PDA and pulled up the relevant page. "Matthias or Matt."
"Oh yes," she said, her eye flashing with recognition. "Matt never told me he was transgendered and had a female name. Throughout all our time online, she never really talked about herself too much, apart from being bullied at school and someone special to her, called Mary Beth."
"Mary Beth was Matilda's friend and protector at school, and unusually got to be her partner at The Manor."
"Study Partner you mean," quickly injected June.
"I know what I said," I responded, quoting Mr Hobson.
June must have recognised it as something Mr Hobson would have said, as her eyes smiled as if she were remembering her time at the school.
"Anything else about Matilda?"
"Her younger sister is also a member of the school, and her mother is one of Immigration Manors general therapy team. Matilda had a minor breakdown about a week ago, regarding missing her mother. Finally, you taught Matilda too well. It seems she has bypassed most of Immigration Manor's security systems and knows the full details about a lot of things she shouldn't. She certainly knew who our Beta team members are."
"She sounds like quite a handful," murmured June. "So, why did you drag me down here?"
"Sorry, I didn't know you were far away. I thought since she was here, and since she already knew most of the details, it would help for her to meet you. I suppose, rather like Stacy introduced you to me."
"That isn't just it, is it?" she said, suddenly leaning towards me, her face not far from mine.
"No, it isn't," I said, trying not to show my alarm at June's sudden motion. "Matilda has many strengths, I think her two strongest are probably her inner strength and her ability to be discreet. However, she seems to have a few issues, such as her height and her inquisitiveness, which needs to be channelled."
"Wow, that’s a great word, inquisitiveness. Have you swallowed a dictionary since joining the school?"
"Nah, I'm just in an environment where I can study and not be afraid that someone will attack me for it."
"I presume you would like me to straighten Matilda out? Come up with some type of evil punishment that the school couldn't possibly do?"
"Er, no," I said, my mind boggling to understand where June was coming from. "I hope you were just joking then. I just thought it would be good for Matilda to meet you, and find out firsthand what she is letting herself in for. Also, you aren't much taller than Matilda, and it might help her self confidence if she could see that being small isn't going to cause an issue."
"Off course I was joking, but seeing your face was well worth it. Let me see how good Matilda is with her own security, instead of hacking others," said June, pulling out a PDA. I got a small glimpse of the screen and smiled to see it was a slightly more advanced version of the ones we'd just purchased and were the ones we weren't allowed to see that Mr Burns had been hiding.
"Still seeing Mr Burns, I see. I think he has been holding out on us."
"Not really. These don't have much more, and are mostly things you wouldn't need, being at school." She fished in her bag and pulled out a rollup keyboard. "This is much quicker for hacking," she laughed while tapping away.
I sat quietly as she tapped away. She muttered a few times, but it wasn't long before she grinned and rolled up her keyboard. "That girl is good at hacking, but she needs to learn a bit about self protection. She probably knows the PDA isn't totally secure, as it looks like she frequently offloads it and purges the contents. That is something you don’t' do, but probably should."
"Very true," I smiled, "but I'm still learning and I don't put anything worthwhile on the PDA."
"You have a suspect list for the leak on there," June pointed out.
Damn, she did have a look around earlier.
I didn't have chance to defend myself as there was a knock on the door. "That's Matilda," I said, having heard her knock a few times.
I got up and opened the door to reveal a rather upset girl.
"What do you think you're doing?" she stormed.
"Not me," I said, standing back. "Matilda, please meet June. June, this is Matilda."
Matilda walked into the room, and I shut the door behind her. "June used to have the handle of hhb401. Prior to that it was hhb303."
Matilda suddenly caught her breath. "It was you that taught me computer systems and networks?" Matilda sounded surprised.
"Yes, it was. I was the student computer expert here for the last few years. Last year I was Hayfield's Beta One, which I'm led to believe you understand. Sorry if I upset you with the way I asked you to come down here, but you need to learn how to protect yourself better than you do."
"Yes, Miss."
"Is that all you can say? I heard you were sharper than that."
Matilda was silent for a few more seconds before asking, "Why you? I mean, why would you have been teaching me instead of someone from The Manor?"
"Probably because at the time I was better than anybody they had over there. It wouldn't have been fair on RJ for him to teach you, and quite frankly, the student expert at The Manor at that time still had a way to go."
I sat there, waiting for the penny to drop, which it didn't take long. "You were training me two years ago, which was before I'd even gone to The Manor. How did you know I was going to be accepted there, or even want to go?"
"Ah, something you didn't find on Joshua. If you would be accepted there wasn't in question. Before I was asked to train you, you had already been screened, and deemed appropriate for the school. At the time, a study partner for you hadn't been selected. They were in that process when the arrangements were made for you to take the girl lessons. The testing you took at that time showed you to be exceptionally intelligent, so when you tried to kill yourself, the school put you into that year, instead of waiting to have you join the following June. According to Mr Moore, you haven't shown them to be mistaken in their judgment."
I gave June a stare. She knew exactly who Matilda was before she'd asked me. It didn't make sense unless — "June, are you testing me?" I queried, while Matilda pondered what she'd just been told.
"Not really, just trying to work you out and give you a little payback for Mr Taylor."
"So what did you want to see me about?" asked Matilda. "It wasn't just to say 'Hi' was it?"
"Partly. I thought it would be nice to meet you, as I'd spent quite some time online with you and wanted to meet you in person. Since you seem to have learnt a lot, I thought it would be nice for you to get to know more without finding it out second hand. To that end, I thought it would be nice if we could go out for the day."
"But what about choir practice?" Matilda queried.
"Oh that was just lame," tutted June. "You have to do much better than that. Don't you want to go out and have a bit of fun?"
"Fun?"
"Sure, just because I've finished school doesn't mean I don't know how to have a good time. Anyway, when I was your age, I'd have loved to skive off for the day."
"Skive?"
"Bunk off school. Miss classes. Get out of school without teachers, etc. So, are you up for it?"
"What would we be doing?" Matilda asked nervously.
"I've got two things in mind, which I want it to be a surprise. The first one shouldn't be a problem and might be in the next few days. The second won't be until after Christmas and I've got to make sure there is room. Let's just say that it is a bit of an adventure. "
"As long as Mr Moore agrees to it, then okay," Matilda reluctantly agreed. "Can MayBee come too?"
"MayBee?"
"Mary Beth."
"I'd rather it just be the two of us. I think we will both get more out of it. Now, tell me more about The Manor. I've never been there, but hear it's a great place."
Matilda seemed to relax a bit as she talked about what had become her home. As she talked about things, I thought it would be nice if our school could visit America at some stage.
My PDA beeped, reminding me it was nearly the time the film was due to be shown.
"Off you go," said June. "I know you have a film this evening and you certainly don't want to miss that. Matilda, I'll let you know when I have the details of our few days of fun."
When we'd left the room and the door had shut behind us, Matilda looked at me and said, "What have you got me into?"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm trying to live a quiet life, you know, staying out of trouble. Trouble seems to follow me enough without anyone's help, and now you've got me going out on special trips with June."
"And?"
"Well ... she might be a psychopath or something."
"She might, but I doubt the school would have her doing what she does, if she was."
"But why tell me what she did? Why want to tell me more things?"
"Because sometimes it's better to know the truth than stumble across it by accident and jump to the wrong conclusion. I'm sure you already know a lot, but maybe not the reasons why. June only hinted at things today, but it sounds like you will know more than me soon."
"Are you going to tell Helen about all of this?"
"Of course, remember, no secrets."
"Don't I know it," Matilda grimaced, before suddenly smiling and rushing off towards the cinema.
That girl will be the death of me. I didn't want to miss the start of the film, so I rushed after Matilda.
* * *
"Okay Jayne," started Helen when we'd got to our rooms that night. It had been a good job that Mr Hobson had extended everyone's curfew, as it was nearly eleven. "What idea did you have for this show on Boxing Day?"
"It was a passing thought," I replied, suddenly unsure if we'd be able to pull it off. Well, me, really. I'd no doubt that Helen wouldn't have any trouble. "Do you have any ideas?"
"Not really. I'd not really had a think; I was relying on your idea."
"Lazy thing," I said, lightly tapping her on the arm. All she did in return was stick her tongue out at me.
"So?" she pressed, giving me a stare that meant I'd better tell her all, or else.
I certainly didn't want a sulky Helen, so quickly gave in and told her. As I explained, her eyes grew wide in surprise and delight.
"You want to do what?" she exclaimed, hardly believing what I'd told her.
"You don't like it then?" I said, slightly upset. I knew I shouldn't have said anything.
"No, it's just a surprise, that's all."
"I remember you saying a few years back how you'd done something similar, and really loved it. Would you be able to teach me in time?"
"No way," Helen said, violently shaking her head. "Perhaps Rachel will know if there is anybody here who can help. That's if you really want to."
I send a very short message to Rachel, asking her if she knew anybody who could give me the lessons I needed. I wanted the rest a surprise. I didn't expect a response until the morning, but in under a minute my phone was ringing.
"Hi Jayne," said Rachel. "I just got your message. Is this for the revue on Boxing Day?"
"Yes."
"I thought so, as it seemed a bit unusual. What do you plan to do, so I can look to see if anybody can help?"
I felt a bit sad that I would have to explain, but I suppose it made sense that I'd need to explain a bit. I told her what I'd told Helen.
"You want to do what?" exclaimed Rachel, sounding surprised.
"Don't you think it will be okay?" I asked worriedly.
"No, it will fit in with what Mr Hobson said," reassured Rachel. "It's just I don't think anybody has done anything like it before."
"Ah, then will you keep the details to yourself?"
"Of course. Have you asked anybody else yet?"
"No, not yet. I wanted to see if it was going to be possible, first."
"Okay, I'll let you know sometime tomorrow morning."
"Well?" Helen asked as I put down my PDA.
"She says she will look into it and will let us know sometime tomorrow morning. She seemed a bit surprised. Do you think this is a good idea?"
Helen sat there for a moment and eventually answered, "Yes. Yes, I do. It'll be something different and it will be nice for you to learn. I just hope you enjoy it as much as me! Now, why don't you find that film you saw it in, and let's see how hard it is."
I pulled up the film list, but when I tried to select it, it wouldn't let me. After a few attempts I noticed that it was a fifteen, so the system blocked us from seeing it, because we were under age.
"I'll have a word with Rachel tomorrow," said Helen. "I'm not sure if that will help though, as we are too young. Perhaps she will be able to just allow me to see the clip."
* * *
"What's wrong?" queried Jill, during breakfast.
"What do you mean?" Helen asked.
"You two keep checking your PDA's every minute. They do ting if you get a message, you know."
"We're waiting to see if we can go ahead with an idea for the Boxing Day performance," I explained.
"Permission?" queried Melissa. "I thought we could do what we wanted, as long as it was a performance."
"Oh, ours is a performance alright," I laughed. "However, I might need some special training if we're going to pull it off."
"Training?" they all asked at once. You could see they were all wondering what we were planning to do.
"Yes, training," said Helen. "And until we know if it is going to work, we aren't saying anything. So, has anybody else had any ideas for what they're going to do?"
"Can people be in several?" Anna asked.
"I hope so," said Erika. "Martha has been asked by so many people to do piano or organ. I'm not sure if she could do any more."
I looked across at Helen. She noticed and patted my knee. We'd been hoping to use Martha as the pianist in our thing. Oh well, it looks like we'd have to ask our star pianist from year two. Being a horn player, so far I hadn't been roped into playing in too many others works. Helen was equally blessed.
Just before lunch, while practicing alone in one of the soundproof practice rooms, my PDA pinged. My playing masked the sound of it arriving, and I hadn't put it on vibrate, so I didn't feel it. Since the PDA wasn't in discrete mode, after ten minutes it played my ringtone and vibrated, giving me a huge shock. These devices were nothing if not persistent. When I read the message, I quickly put my French horn away and reluctantly went to see Rachel, as the message instructed.
The discussion I'd had after breakfast with Rachel wasn't something I wanted to think about and I was still feeling rather sore with her for putting me through that. Now she wanted to see me again. I suspected it was to do with the revue, but I was worried that she might want to bring up my insistence that I go to Russia as Jayne.
"Ah, good of you to join us," said Rachel, as she let me into her office. Helen, who was already there, patted the settee next to her. I felt somewhat safer with Helen in the same room.
"Sorry I'm late. I was practicing and didn't hear the message come through."
"Don't worry," reassured Rachel, with a mischievous smile. "Helen and I had a very interesting conversation while we waited."
I wasn't sure I was very pleased with Rachel's smile. I wonder if they'd been discussing me.
"So, can we?" I asked, referring to the revue. I thought it best to start the subject and then it wouldn't start with reviewing the trip to Russia.
"Yes. Kelly and Simon should be able to help."
I glanced at Helen. She had the same look of surprise on her face, that I'm sure was on mine. She noticed my glance and we both sniggered. Mr Prim and Proper for this? It was like trying to imagine ... My thoughts trailed off. I couldn't imagine anything as improbable.
"Hey, no dissing the helpers," admonished Rachel. "Now they both will be here at two. The location will be sent to you when I've booked the room. Jayne, you are allowed to be David for the rehearsal, but you must change back afterwards. Are you both okay with that?"
We both nodded in agreement.
"Okay, since it is agreed, all you have to do is persuade others to join your revue. I look forward to seeing it. It sounds fun, and from what I've heard about the previous revues, rather unique."
We left Rachel's office, and as the door closed behind us. I felt relieved that Rachel hadn't discussed the Russian trip, but that relief was quickly replaced when the full impact of the revue hit me. "Helen, do you really think we can pull this off?"
"It's a bit late for that now, isn't it? Anyway, yeah, I wouldn't have agreed to your mad idea if I didn't think it would work. Who do you think we should ask?"
"I was going to ask Martha to play the piano, but got put off by Erika's comment at breakfast. Do you think Sophia would agree?"
"I suppose it depends how many have asked," considered Helen. "Violins, I suppose we could ask Sam and Jessica. Do you know any accordion players?"
"No, but Mrs Russell probably will. I'll ask her after lunch. What about Double Bass? Pru?"
"Yeah, keep it in year one and two then."
"As long as they have an accordion player."
"Could we do it without?"
"I suppose so. There are lots of different arrangements. I was just using the one I'd found."
"We'll ask Mrs Russell. In the meantime, let's see what Sophia says."
I sent Sophia a message asking if she would be willing to play piano for our revue. I told her the piece and asked her to keep it to herself. The response was quick: "You're kidding, right?"
After a quick voice call, she agreed to do it and would have a quiet word with Pru. Next on our hit list were Sam and Jessica. We were lucky to see them as we got close to our year room.
"Hi you two," Helen opened.
"Did you get permission?" Jessica asked.
"Yeah. We need two violinists, are you both up for it?"
"Are you sure? You're friends with Stacy, and she is a much better than me," said Jessica.
"We want you two," I responded, not letting Jessica put herself down. I told them what we were going to do and they both burst out laughing. "You're serious, aren't you?" laughed Sam, wiping away the laughter tears.
Perhaps this wasn't my best idea.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 41
Mrs Russell was slightly surprised when we enquired about an accordion player, but when we said it was for the revue, she didn't press further. It seemed we were out of luck at keeping it in our year or the year above, as only two people at Hayfield played the accordion and they were in years three and five.
"Let me have a look at Immigration Manor's list," said Mrs Russell, after seeing Helen's disappointed face. Well okay, our disappointed faces. "We have Matthew in Year E and Jean-Paul in Year H."
I cheered up. "Ooh, thank you Mrs Russell."
"It's my pleasure," she replied giving a bewildered laugh. "Now run along, I've been dealing with these queries all day and Mr Hobson has been nagging me to provide some concert details."
Helen and I didn't really know Mathew, and we had three choices, send him a message directly, ask one of the year E team to introduce us, or ask one in year two to introduce us.
"Hey you two," we heard, as we were scurrying back to our year room, debating between ourselves how we should get in touch with Mathew.
"Oh, hi Fran," we replied, coming to a halt.
"I hear you two have roped Pru and Sophia into your performance. A rather interesting combination, isn't it?"
"I suppose. Talking of the revue, do you know Mathew in your year from The Manor?"
"Sure, do you want to ensnare him, too?"
"Got it in one," Helen laughed. I started laughing too as Fran looked very confused.
"Heck, what on Earth are you planning?" Fran murmured.
"Do you want to tell us what you're doing?" I countered.
"Not a chance," she retorted indignantly, which she spoilt with a huge grin. "I'll get Mathew to send you a text later. I'm off to see Mrs Russell, to see if she can help with something. See you later."
That's one thing I love about this school, everyone will help each other. Even with this revue, there might be friendly rivalry, but none of us take the rivalry seriously.
***
"I've never been upstairs in the education wing," I mentioned when I read where we were going to have our special lessons.
"Well, neither have I, so let's get going and find out what we've let ourselves in for," laughed Helen, giving me a push.
There didn't appear to be many rooms on that floor, or at least not many doors, so we weren't surprised that the room we entered was quite large. What did surprise us were the huge mirrors on the wall.
"Hello again Miss Grant and Miss Jackson," Simon formally greeted us as we entered the room. "Please, take a seat."
"So, what can we do for you?" Kelly asked, as we all sat down on the offered settee. Helen and I shared a surprised glance at Kelly's question. Surely since we were in a dance room, they surely must know why we were there.
"Don't you know?" Helen queried, not masking her surprise.
"We know what we were told, but that doesn't always tell us everything. I thought you two realised how we work from when you've had other lessons with us. Unless you tell us exactly what you want to achieve from these lessons, we might leave something out that would be important to you and you wouldn't get the best out of them."
Simon was nodding sagely in agreement. Thinking back to when I'd had my earlier lessons with Kelly and Simon, I remembered how they were sticklers for detail.
Helen quickly suggested to me, "Why don't you explain? It was your idea,"
"We have this revue, and we have to perform something. We had this idea, but it involves us dancing," I explained.
"That much we knew. However, what we don't know is what type of dancing and have you something specific thing in mind?"
"The tango," muttered Helen, slightly embarrassed.
"Ah, now we're getting somewhere. Anything more specific?" pressed Kelly.
"Por Una Cabeza," I said, after Helen prodded me. "I saw it in two films, Scent of a Woman and True Lies; though it seems the school system won't let us see them because of our age."
"Miss Jackson, if I remember correctly you've danced before, but you haven't Miss Grant. Is that correct?"
"Yes, sir," Helen replied.
"Final question for now, if you don't mind," smiled Kelly. "Are you planning to dance this as two women, two men, or mixed?"
I blinked in surprise. I hadn't thought about the first two choices. "We planned on me being David for it," I quickly said, before Helen got any ideas of us doing it as two women.
"Having a mixed couple certainly makes things easier," Kelly laughed. "You are aware that the tango can be quite a challenging dance, especially for the male lead. Since Helen has some dancing experience, are you sure you don't want to do this as Christopher and Jayne?"
No, not back as Jayne. Is the whole world trying to say that I would be better as a girl? I'm sure that Helen will agree with them.
"No," said Helen, surprising me. "I know I have more experience in dancing, but for the tango, I'm just as much a novice. Would you mind teaching us as Helen and David?"
I love that girl so much and I assumed she would want me to stay as Jayne. How wrong could I have been? I'll have to do something to make it up to her.
"Not at all," said Simon smoothly. "Just be aware it will be more work, especially for David. Now Jayne, since you are currently portraying a female for the field trip, would you like to change here for the practices?"
"Would that be okay?" I asked, my heart beating slightly faster.
"Of course," laughed Kelly. "You won't be the first student that has needed to change here to learn. Simon and I will need a little preparation for this. Why don't you leave us to it, and come back tomorrow at eleven for a proper practice?"
* * *
The school had a very different feel. With no lessons and the impending revue, the normal year boundaries disappeared. What was important was how we could help each other, no matter the age or school. The afternoon orchestra practice just reinforced that feeling, as most of us didn't sit next to anybody from our year. What was important was sound and ability.
That evening, after our meal, the seven of us that were taking part in the revue got together for a practice. I'd reserved one of the classrooms earlier that day. The caretakers, whoever they were, had moved the tables to one side. In some respects they reminded me of the elves in Harry Potter, always working, but never seen.
When everyone arrived, I handed out the music. I felt a bit guilty as I wasn't playing, and by the looks on Helen's face, I wasn't alone.
"So when do we get to see you dance?" asked Jessica, as she scanned through the music.
"When are we going to hear you play?" responded Helen without batting an eyelid.
"Touché."
"Certainly not in here. I've no piano," pointed out Sophia. The others had brought their instruments with them. I thought it was great how Pru's Double Bass case had wheels on it, so it was easier for her to get around.
"I didn't think of that," I mentally kicked myself.
"The practice rooms might be a bit tight to get us all in," added Sam.
"There is always the main hall, or the classroom we normally have our music classes in," Jessica suggested.
"The music classroom was booked and if we practice in the main hall then everyone will hear."
"I have a keyboard in my bedroom, and that would be private. We could practice there," Sophia offered. "If you want, we could have a run through now, so we can get the hang of how it feels."
Everyone thought that was a great idea, so we all decamped to Sophia's room. As the door opened, we heard the rather interesting sound of Renee practicing on her bagpipes emanating from the adjoined room. I knew that was her instrument of choice, and that she played the trumpet in the school orchestra because it fitted in better, but I'd never actually heard her play.
"Perhaps here isn't a good idea," I said, biting my bottom lip.
"It sounds like Renee is just finishing," Sophia informed us. "That sounds like the tune she finishes the set with. It fits the set well, and she really likes it."
The interconnecting door was wide open, and we could see Renee. Her back was to us, so she didn't see us quietly listening. As Sophia predicted, Renee soon finished.
"Hi Renee," called Sophia. "We have company."
Renee spun round, and blushed when she saw us.
"I knew you should have taken your keyboard," Renee laughed, coming into Sophia's room. By the looks of the books on the table, and the way the room was laid out, it looked like it was really their room.
"I'm sorry if we disturbed your practice," I apologised.
"I was just finished," she smiled. "I'm just not used to people hearing me on the pipes again."
"Hey, you're really good," Helen added. "I wish it fitted in with what we're doing. Anyway, now we can get embarrassed while you listen to us do our first run-through."
"I suppose I better stop getting embarrassed about people hearing me," Renee smiled nervously. "I've been asked to pipe in someone's show."
"Hey, that's great!" shouted Sophia, suddenly jumping up, lifting Renee and swirling her around. Renee gave a yelp of shock and rapidly wrapped her legs around Sophia's waist.
Eventually things calmed down and we had a run through. As with any initial first attempts, it was very rough.
"Are you sure you don't want a different violinist?" Sam asked, as they again came to a halt.
"You're doing great. Remember how bad we were with the first run through of the Beethoven? Look how good we are now," I said, trying to keep the group together.
"Yeah, but we had a lot longer to get it right," Pru pointed out.
"There are only five of us. I'm sure with some practice we should be fine. I have a few other rehearsals early tomorrow morning, so why don't we all have a private practice and meet back at eleven?" suggested Sophia.
"Helen and I have a dance lesson then," I informed them, as everyone checked their PDA's.
"We should be able to practice without you," said Sophia. "Let us concentrate on getting the music right. We can always send you a recording so you can practice with that, and provide us feedback about how you feel. Since it will take us a bit to get the music right, it will let you concentrate on perfecting your dancing. Then we can put on one heck of a performance."
"Thanks," smiled Helen.
"Do you have an example of this?" asked Jessica.
"I saw it in the movie True Lies, but since it is a fifteen, the school system won't let us pull it up," I explained.
"I'm fifteen," said Mathew. "Why don't I try and pull it up?"
We watched the two examples in the movie. Helen's eyes got slightly wide as she saw the dance and the end of the movie.
"No way could I dance like that," she murmured. "I'm not going to make a scene like that."
"No, it is rather OTT," I agreed. "Though I think you'd look nice in a dress like that."
"I'm not developed enough to do it justice, perhaps in a few years. Didn't you say you'd seen it in another movie?"
"Scent of a Woman."
Mathew pulled up the film and we scanned through it until we found the segment we wanted to see.
"Well that was a lot more sedate," said Mathew, as the dance finished.
"It had a different feel to it than the two examples from True Lies," said Sophia. "How do you two want to dance it?"
"That's an issue, we don't know how to dance yet, let alone put any passion into it. I'm worried that we're going to be worrying too much about the moves, and not letting it flow," said Helen, screwing up her nose.
"Do you concentrate on what your fingers do as you play your instrument, or think about what keys you are pressing as you type?" Sam queried.
"I suppose not," I murmured, wondering where Sam was going.
"Well, just treat it like that. Knowing Kelly and Simon, you will be dancing in your sleep before the revue. Then your feet will move without thought and the passion will just flow."
I hoped Sam was right. The school had taught me how to pass as female quickly, so there is hope.
The next day Simon met us at the practice room. He was dressed rather smartly in a tuxedo. As we walked rather bemusedly towards the offered seats, Kelly came out in a long formal dress.
"I feel rather underdressed," I complained as I saw Kelly.
"Don't worry, we just wanted you to see some examples of how it might be done," Kelly explained. "We thought being dressed like you may be for your revue, might give you some ideas. On the table you will find some papers where you can score the dances we do with what you want. That way it might help you remember them better."
"My mum used to do that with the Eurovision Song Contest," I said, remembering the times I'd watched it with the family. My Dad used to have a good laugh about it over far too many beers. Helen must have seen the twinge of pain I felt and gently squoze my hand in a sign of support.
We both settled down on the settee and watched as a number of different versions were demonstrated, not just the versions we'd seen the previous night, but a much wider variety. One of the demonstrations was so romantic. I was gobsmacked that Simon could dance so passionately. My surprise was replaced with embarrassment as the next demonstration could only be described as erotic.
"Well?" enquired Kelly, as she sat down gracefully. The way she glided across the floor, was like she was riding on a cushion of air.
"Did you borrow Hermione Granger's special shoes from The Goblet of Fire?" I laughed, rather nervously.
"She is rather graceful, isn't she?" beamed Simon. "Would you like to sign up for a traditional deportment class?"
"Hey, this isn't a recruitment period," tutted Kelly.
"You mean we are supposed to save the propaganda until after they're already hooked?" lamented Simon, keeping a straight face. "Damn." He gave me a discrete wink. I wonder how much the stiff personality was put on?
"So, back to the dancing. What did you like and what didn't you? What did you give douze points?" I smiled to myself at Kelly's referral to the Eurovision scoring.
We discussed the versions we liked, and the two teachers added details about the difficulty of each dance. "Remember, you are there to entertain, not to do the hardest dance. Do what you feel comfortable doing, rather than something that is going to be beyond your ability to learn in the time you have left. A simple dance done well will look a lot better than a hard dance done badly."
I changed, and tried to style my hair in as masculine a style as I could manage in such a short time. I didn't expect to have to learn to change into male mode so quickly. I sighed to myself. Another thing I'd be learning as well as the dance. What had I got myself into?
Once we had decided which style of dancing we wanted, we got to work very quickly. They started us off at a much slower tempo than the music practice the previous night.
I ended up dancing with Kelly, while Helen got to dance with Simon. Helen was soon being whisked around the floor, learning some of the more advanced moves that she'd never been taught. Meanwhile, I was still learning more of the beginner moves.
At the end of the session, I finally got to dance with Helen. She was certainly more advanced than I was. I was more than a little nervous as we went round the floor.
When we finished I quietly walked to the dressing room to get changed.
"What's up?" said Simon, who followed me.
"When we danced, there didn't seem to be any connection between me and Helen. There certainly wasn't any spark of romance."
When he gave a short laugh, I looked at Simon in amazement. "David, you've only just started to dance. The music you danced to was a recording and was intentionally slow and mechanical. While this can be a very passionate dance, it loses a lot if the basics aren't second nature to you both. Something to remember is that the tango is a live dance, and a big factor is the live music and how you interact with it. If it is played well, that will encourage your dancing and the passion will naturally appear. Don't forget that you are concentrating on moving rather than on romance. Think back to when you learnt to read. I bet you read each word on its own and only later did you read in sentences. Later still you would have started to put emotion into how you read. Your dancing is at the reading each word on its own stage. You will soon improve, just like you did with reading."
"You sure?"
"Yes, I'm certain. Now I'll leave you to turn yourself back to Jayne."
"Thanks, Simon."
That afternoon, after a successful run through of The Armed Man, we unexpectedly finished early. A ripple of confusion drifted through the orchestra and choir until Mrs Russell said, "Don't run away, Stacy has an announcement. I will see you all tomorrow."
All the teachers departed and Stacy stood at the front. "I know that nobody decided to use the full orchestra or choir out of respect for everyone. However, an idea was raised to give a nice finale for the staff, which involved everyone. After some discussion between myself and Kriss, I approached someone to arrange something. Lewis, would you mind dishing out the parts?"
I smiled as I received my music and noticed the arrangers — R Baldwin & D Humphrey. I quickly scanned the music, playing the notes in my mind as my eyes flicked across the staves. It didn't appear to be anything I recognised. Sometimes that can be good, as you don't go into playing an arrangement with hangovers from what you already know. However, it is certainly a lot easier for timings when you do know how it is supposed to sound.
For once our initial run through wasn't as much of a disaster as it normally was. Perhaps we were all getting to be better players. As with all things at the school, you seemed to learn, even when you didn't expect it. At this rate I would be skipping some of my AB* music exams and doing a higher grade than expected. What helped me was that I vaguely recognised the music from some old movie that my mum used to love. The name of the movie escaped me, so I decided to look up the title later.
Sometimes it is hard to hear the music, but this one you could feel. This must have been some love theme and when it finished, I heard a ripple of sighs.
* * *
The daily practice for the visit to Russia, carol singing and the revue kept everyone at school busy. The dancing improved, and when we weren't having lessons, Helen and I practiced in our room. Towards Christmas Eve, we began to dance with the musicians and gradually we learnt to work as a team. I suppose it was rather like we had to learn how to work with the orchestra when we played the Sinfonia Concertante.
"Happy Christmas," Helen whispered, giving me a discrete kiss. The church clock had just struck midnight and the curate finished off the nativity scene by laying the model of baby Jesus into the cradle.
"Happy Christmas to you, too," I whispered in response. I was totally in awe at the service. This was my first Christmas that I'd been to church, or that I remember going to church. Heck, before coming to this school, I'd only been to church when my parents were both working on Sunday morning.
The school had anticipated that there were going to be a lot of people wanting to attend the midnight service, so after we'd got back from carol singing at the local hospitals, a draw had been held. Those that weren't able to fit in for the midnight service would attend the nine-thirty service on Christmas Day. There was a range of other services too, for people of different denominations, and Helen had arranged for us to attend at least one. I suppose it was a good time to see what others believed.
Christmas day was nothing like any other Christmas day that I'd experienced. Presents had always been small, but today there weren't going to be any, or so I thought. When we came down the stairs, there outside our year room were three large sacks. Others from our year, who had also just arrived, were looking on in amazement.
"Hey, shouldn't you two still be in bed?" asked Jill as she approached us.
"Huh?" I responded rather vaguely.
"You got to go to church last night, so I thought you would still be in bed."
"Ooh, jealous are we?" laughed Helen, as Jill couldn't keep a straight face. "The habit of getting up at a standard time woke us up. At least Jayne stopped us going for a bike ride, otherwise we wouldn't be here to witness this."
"Stacy didn't say anything about presents when she told us about Christmas here at Hayfield," complained Tina.
"Why are we all standing in the doorway talking about them and not taking them into our room?" I asked, wondering why I'd not thought to ask this earlier.
"Oh yeah," nervously laughed Wesley. "Phil and I were down first and should have thought of that earlier. I don't think I'm with it this morning. I blame it on it being such a big surprise."
"That sounds a great excuse. It certainly is a big surprise having sacks of pressies."
We hauled them into our year-room and put them around our Christmas tree, waiting for the others to appear.
"What's this?" asked Paula, as she and Emma arrived and spied the goodies. They were the last two to arrive. Everyone arrived quickly after someone, who shall rename nameless, sent everyone a message.
"We aren't sure," Helen replied. "Do you want to look, or would you rather we go to breakfast early?"
"If Lewis can wait, then so will I," shrugged Paula.
"Even I will wait," admitted Lewis.
It was a silly question really as there were over thirty minutes before breakfast. I don't think we have ever been that early for breakfast, apart from when Helen and I were re-elected as year leaders.
"Any traditions anybody wants to set?" Jill queried. I'd thought about everyone just grab their gift, rip off the paper and see what it was.
"What did you have in mind?" Helen asked, interrupting my thoughts.
"How about you find the gift for your study partner and you give it to them in whatever way you feel fit?"
"How do you mean?" Emma queried.
Jill smiled, went under the tree and rummaged around until she found the gift for Anna. She gently carried it across the room, placed it next to Anna and gave her a rather passionate kiss. "Happy Christmas."
"Ooh," encouraged everyone in the room. Anna didn't blush, but she did have a nice smile plastered across her face.
Some of the Hayfield students were more embarrassed about others knowing that they were romantically involved with their study partner and the gift was just given. There was no such holdback from The Manor students. They'd got past that stage. Perhaps the most emotional response wasn't anything to do with romance, but acceptance. Sam burst into floods of tears after opening the gift. I had to admit it was one heck of a present and fitted in very nicely with what Sam had recently disclosed to us.
"Are you going to keep it in here or in your room?" Jessica asked.
"I'm not sure," Sam slowly said.
"Keep it here," we all chorused.
"Sam, you can't hide yourself in your room. We all accept this part of you, so please share with us."
Sam nodded and burst into tears of happiness. What a magical Christmas.
Hayfield had taken a day where we probably would have most missed our families and turned it into something not so bad. I still felt bereft, but somehow the edge of the hurt had been taken away. Helen and I managed to somehow get through the day and it wasn't until we were safely cuddled in our bed that we burst into tears. Life just seemed so damn unfair.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 42
The Boxing Day revue happens followed by the field trip. Unfortunately, things don't go to plan.
"I'd like to welcome you to our Boxing Day revue. I'm sure, by now, that all our American cousins have worked out that it isn't a day of violence, which hopefully hasn't disappointed too many. Now to kick things off I will jumble up all the entries. I wish we could use ERNIE*, but since we can't, we are reliant on what we have available. I would like to ask Rachel, who has been chosen by all in year-A, to come up and press the button to kick off today's events."
I was unsure what Mr Hobson meant by ERNIE, and made a mental note to look it up later. A huge screen had been erected high on the top right corner of the theatre, which showed a scrolling list of entries. Next to Mr Hobson stood a stand with a huge illuminated red button on the top. Rachel appeared and with a flourish, pressed the button. The screen pixelated and the pixels moved round in a random way. After a few seconds, the screen cleared and the names of the first four performances appeared.
"Okay, we have our running order sorted," Mr Hobson continued. "The screen shows the current performance and the next three, which will automatically update as the day goes on. If you are involved with one of the performances, please make your way quietly backstage to get yourselves ready. That way we should be able to get through the day without too much of an issue. So if everyone involved with the first four could now make their way backstage. Our first performance should be in ten minutes."
I breathed a sigh of relief seeing that I wasn't part of the first show. Just like everyone else around, I pulled out my PDA and glanced at the full list. Helen and I weren't on until later on, so unless a lot of the acts were very short, we wouldn't be on until after lunch. Knowing that, I settled back to enjoy the show. It was great hearing and seeing what others could do, but I knew I would appreciate lunch for a long break. Oh, we'd not sat still for all that time, and we'd had small breaks, but it wasn't good for the bum to be sat that long.
After a break, I'd just settled down for some more entertainment when I heard a familiar voice. "Hi, Jayne." I smiled, as I'd not seen Matilda for a few days.
"Hey, Matilda," I replied, turning to see her. I'd nearly said 'Little Munchkin' but had stopped myself just in time. I'm sure I'd have a sore leg by now if I had. "How did the trip go the other day?"
"It was okay," she replied.
"Is that a good okay, or a bad okay?"
"Good, I suppose."
"Matilda, what's up? You're normally a lot more talkative than this."
"I dunno, it just seemed a bit strange. We went to a place called Portsmouth and looked at some old ships. I just don't know why we went there."
"Was June nice?"
"Oh yeah, she was great and she had all these wonderful fun things in her car."
"I bet," I laughed. I knew Portsmouth was on the south coast and was a navy port, but that was about it. I felt slightly embarrassed that Matilda probably knew more about the place than me. "So these old ships, where they from World War II or something?"
"No, really old. Sixteenth and Seventeenth century I think."
"They were wrecks?"
"No, well one was. We went on two. One called HMS Warrior and one called HMS Victory. It was kind of funny though; I think that everyone must have been real small back then, as Victory had such low ceilings. Everyone on the tour kept banging their heads as they went up and down the steps."
"Did it hurt?"
Matilda laughed. "Okay, everyone else did. I didn't hit mine once."
"That's good." I wonder if June took Matilda there so she could see there were times it was better to be small? Matilda might be very clever, but she hadn't spotted this one yet. "So, do you think it's worth a trip there sometime?"
"Oh sure, it's kinda neat there. They have this really old wreck that they'd raised and now they're trying to preserve it. Later, we even got to go on a boat tour of the harbour. There were some huge modern ships in dock there."
"Any idea where or when your other trip is?"
"We're going the day after we get back from Russia, or so June said. It seems Mr Hobson didn't want anything to risk the field trip. She's still keeping where a secret. I guess June is all right, if a little strange, but I guess it should be fun."
The way things worked out, I was on fourth after lunch. That would give me plenty of time to get dressed as David. I'd gradually got quicker at switching between Jayne and David, so there shouldn't be too much of a rush. In fact, it was going to be more of a rush switching back to being Jayne for one of the other performances I'd been roped into. I had been hoping they wouldn't be so close together, so I could mellow in being David for a few moments longer.
"Wow, David, you do look sharp!" commented Brenda. Well it was Brenda's voice, but looked nothing like her. She'd obviously gone to a great deal of trouble. "I just can't make out what on Earth you're-"
Brenda's voice tailed off and her jaw just hung there for a moment. I turned to see Helen, in a stunning dress. Someone must have helped her do her makeup, because I know she wasn't capable of that level of "Wow!"
The dress wasn't indecent, far from it. It was just that this was a dress that looked like it was made for her. It hugged her body in just the right places, loose in the places it needed to be, and hinted at so much more. I'd been in Helen's wardrobe before, but had never seen anything like it. She'd discussed what dress to wear with Kelly, but hadn't told me what they'd finally come up with.
"It's going to be a surprise," was all she would say. It was certainly one heck of a surprise.
"Hands off," Helen yelled, as I rushed towards her. I came to an abrupt halt, lost my balance and slipped to the floor.
Brenda, who was watching, did what she does best and burst out laughing. I'm not sure how she did it, but her spontaneous laughter sounded nothing like her Andy laugh. It was so obviously a female laugh. Did she practice that much, that when she was in female mode everything she did was female? I don't think I could ever do that, or want to.
Helen rushed across and helped me to my feet. She'd even put on some type of perfume. I looked into her eyes and my heart started pounding faster.
"Save it for when you get to your room," called Brenda.
I blushed.
Brenda was joined by some others. "Isn't that-"
"Shania Twain," finished Helen, mirroring my thoughts.
"You don’t think they’re going to sing-"
Again Helen interrupted me, "I wouldn’t be surprised."
"Oh my, that’s going to be one heck of a performance."
We didn't have long to find out as the act that was on stage finished and got a great applause. I presumed one of the people about to go on stage with Brenda was Stacy, but I couldn't be sure. The person who looked like Shania turned to the others and said in a voice that sounded just like Shania, "Let's go, girls."
'Shania' winked at me and led the band onto the stage.
Helen and I stood as close to the side entrance to the stage as we could, our arms around each other. The audience went wild as they performed 'Man, I feel like a woman!' They played loud enough and with enough oomph that people came rushing out of the makeshift dressing rooms to see the performance. By the time they were finished, the wings of the theatre were packed with students.
"How can we follow that?" asked Sam, sounding rather disheartened.
"I think we sound pretty good," retorted Pru. "If David and Helen dance like they did at last night's practice, then I don't think we should have a problem."
I just hope that we can live up to Pru's confidence. The band came off the stage to thunderous applause, Brenda's grin wide as anything. It really looked like they had had fun up there.
"You were great," I mentioned, well gushed, to Brenda as she passed.
"Thanks, it was fun. Now at last I get to see what you have been scheming."
"I've not been scheming," I responded, trying my best to sound hurt. "You should know by now that Helen is the one that does the scheming."
Helen just laughed. "A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. Just ask Stacy."
"And don't I know it," confirmed Brenda. "So, where are your instruments? Aren't you going on with the others?"
"You'll see," Helen and I teased.
The music started and I grabbed Helen's hand and led her onto the stage, to the sound of applause and a few wolf whistles. As we passed the band, I grabbed a red rose from a jar and placed it between my teeth. This was one thing that we'd loved at the end of True Lies. Our original plan had been to put the rose on the piano, but since the grand was open, it wasn't a good idea.
The sound of the music, the encouragement of the audience and, most of all, the sight of Helen gave me confidence. Simon and Kelly had trained us well and we moved in time with the music. As the music finally finished, my lips naturally touched Helens. Wow, I could have kissed her forever. Eventually our lips parted and, after a second of silence, the audience gave us a huge round of applause. Red with embarrassment, Helen and I quickly followed the band off the stage.
"Thank you all," Helen said to the others when we were safely off the stage.
"We loved it," Pru murmured. "And that was one sweet kiss."
"How do you expect us to follow those two great performances?" asked Stuart, as he passed us to go onto the stage.
"By giving another great show," called Brenda.
"Haven't you got changed yet?" I asked Brenda. Sam, Jessica, Pru, Matthew had gone to change. Sophia had disappeared back onstage as she was helping out in this next performance.
"Nor have I," came Stacy's voice. I looked around and couldn't see her. There were so many people in different costumes.
I presumed she was also part of the Shania Twain group. I spotted one that was about the right height. "Ah, I didn't know you played the guitar?"
"There is a lot you don't know about me," she laughed, joining Brenda. "We wanted to see your performance. When you finished, the others in the band slipped off to change. One word of advice to both of you though; remember our chats in Paris."
I glanced at Helen, who took a deep breath and nodded. "David, don't you need to get changed? I thought you were in the next act?"
"Sorry," I uttered, slightly embarrassed by the reminder from Stacy and that our possible actions were that obvious. I rushed off to get changed. My time as David was at an end. Well, at an end for another week. This had been a short but welcome interlude during my time as Jayne. I don't know how I did it, but I was back in the theatre's wing in time.
The performances were great. It was fun for us to see what we could do, and for others to appreciate our skills. Not only did the students watch, but most of the staff sat in the hall to watch. This was a rare time for them to see and hear us.
"We have one last performance," said Stacy from the front of the theatre's stage. "This is a special performance that includes all the students. If you could all bear with us for half an hour while we get prepared."
We all scarpered to our rooms and put on our fancy concert outfits. Helen, who had stayed in her dance outfit, had been unknowingly causing me trouble most of the afternoon. Perhaps she thought that since I was now dressed as Jayne, things wouldn't be so bad. Or possibly she thought that being less tactile would have calmed me down.
"Can I take a picture of you?" I asked as we got to our room.
"You haven't taken any all day?"
"Well perhaps a few, but I'd like one with you on your settee."
"I suppose so, but then we must get changed or we'll be late."
After taking the pictures, I reluctantly turned to go back to my room to change.
"Sorry, but can you undo the back of my dress. Kelly helped me fasten it earlier."
I didn't answer, but did as asked. The dress slipped down, revealing Helen in a way I wasn't expecting. She wasn't in her ordinary underwear, but something a whole lot more… wow. This was too much for me. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I felt my stomach churn, quickly rushed to Helen's bathroom and threw up into her toilet.
"Are you okay?" Helen asked, rushing in after me.
What a silly question? I'd just been sick and she was asking if I was okay.
"I will be," I replied, trying to get the nasty taste out of my mouth. "Please go and get changed. I will be out in a minute."
"But-"
"Please," I all but begged, waving a hand towards the door while trying not to look at her. I wasn't sure if she understood, so I tried to explain a bit more. "You look too good and I wanted to do things that my body reacted badly to."
"Oh," Helen said bleakly. "I'm sorry."
"It isn't your fault. You didn't know."
"But you were nearly sick like that once before. I should have realised."
"You're just so attractive, and when I saw you in —" I paused to sneeze and the foul tasting bile polluted my nose.
"Look, let me get some extra things on and you try and recover a bit. Then I'll go with you to see the nurse."
"I'm not ill," I protested. "And I don't want to have to explain this to the nurse. Anyway, we have the finale to do. You put your dress on, and in a moment I'll go to my room and get myself dressed."
"Are you sure?" Helen asked again. My heart just leapt again at how loving and caring she was.
"Sure, now get moving or we'll be late."
Helen disappeared and I finished cleaning myself up. I hated being sick, but I hated clearing up afterwards more. I was so glad I'd managed to puke into the toilet and not all over the floor. I scurried to my room, carefully shielding my eyes from seeing Helen, and quickly got ready. Living as Jayne the last few weeks, and for the previous field trip, had certainly reduced the time it took to do the feminine stuff. The worst thing was that I didn't have time to do all my makeup, but spent that last bit of time trying to make myself look respectable.
"Are you ready?" Helen queried.
"Not really, but I've no time for more," I responded.
Helen came through and nodded. "You'll do. At least you won't have makeup to remove before we go to bed."
I got some strange looks as we assembled backstage. We were treating this rather like we did the practice concert before the French trip. However, this time there weren't any teachers with us; they were sitting in the audience where they had been most of the day. Thank goodness we'd been under the expert handling of Year-Five to get onto the stage at the right times.
"Are you okay?" Kevin asked, as I warmed up my French-Horn.
"I'll be fine," I said, trying to brush off the query.
"You don't look it. You look white, and just like someone who has been sick."
"I was. That's why I didn't have time to put on my makeup."
"Have you been to see the nurse?"
"No. It wasn't much and I'll be fine. Anyway, I didn't want to miss this."
Kevin gave me a look of understanding, but didn't have chance to say anything else, as Stacy called us to file onto the stage. All our conversations ended and we mentally switched to show time. This was a concert and we would be professional. It didn't matter that it was just for the staff. A concert was a concert, after all.
When we were all seated, Stacy came onto the stage to loud applause, took a bow before taking her seat. I expected her to make a statement but she didn't. Next on were Lewis and Roberta.
"Thank you all for listening so patiently all day," said Lewis, facing the audience. "We thought it would be nice to have a final piece that we all played together. We would like to thank Ryan and Sophia for arranging this for our orchestra and choir. I'm sure it will be familiar to some of you."
The audience burst into applause as Ryan stood and Sophia made herself known.
"But before we start to play, a few more thank yous. First off, a big thank you to all the performers. Everyone in the two schools was in at least one performance. Some, such as the pianists were in many more, and as such were the backbone of today."
The audience applauded the four pianists, as they acknowledge them. Poor Sophia looked like she was going to be thanked a lot!
"I'd like to thank years five and H for their superb behind the scenes organisation." Again the audience applauded. "As everyone will have noticed, it has taken twenty-six of them to cover so that Mr Hobson could take a rest and watch the performance." That got a laugh.
"Finally, I would like to thank you all, for not just sitting, watching and encouraging us with your tremendous applause, but for all the support that you have given to us over the years. A lot of you might work behind the scenes, cleaning, cooking, washing, sewing, and caretaking. Some of you might never see our faces for us to thank you in person, so from us now, a very big thank-you."
The whole orchestra and choir stood up and applauded. I wasn't sure where Lewis got all this from, but he was doing a great job. Once we'd finished applauding, Lewis finished off, "Here is the finale, conducted by Roberta."
The lights in the hall were dimmed and the choir and orchestra lights raised, leaving us well illuminated. After Lewis exited into the wings, Roberta raised her arms, bringing silence to the hall and we started playing our final piece in this rather fantastic revue. The audience was as attentive as they had been for our earlier performances. As we finished, we got exactly the response that we'd hoped for. There were some small sighs of contentment and a thunderous appreciation. What a great day this had been.
Eventually, we filed off the stage, and after I'd put my instrument away, Kevin came up to me and said, "Come on Jayne, I'll take you to see the nurse."
"I'm okay," I quietly complained. I was trying not to draw attention to myself.
Helen, who was already coming towards me, quickened her pace and was soon asking, "What's happening?"
"I'm taking Jayne to see the nurse. She said she'd been ill, and it is a good idea to be checked out."
"Look darling, we think we know why you were sick, but isn't it a good idea to get checked out just in case. You wouldn't like to find out the day before we go away that you're coming down with something and can't go."
I couldn't fault Helen's logic, but I was still worried that the nurse would ask what we thought was wrong.
"What do you think caused it?" asked Kevin.
My heart sank. Even Kevin was worried enough to ask and he wasn't a professional nurse. Perhaps seeing the nurse wasn't such a good idea.
"It's a bit personal," I murmured.
"You what?" asked Kevin, who hadn't heard me properly.
"It's a bit personal," I said a bit louder. It must have been a bit louder than I'd expected, as the room went quiet and most of the people were looking at me. They must have seen I was embarrassed, as the chatting soon started again. However, we were soon joined by most of our year.
"Are you okay?" asked Jill.
"Jayne, was a bit ill earlier and is about to see the nurse," Helen said. "It's nothing to worry about."
"Okay," said Sam. "I was just a bit worried, because of what happened the other week."
"It's nothing like that." I was horrified by the thought that others still worried that I might be suicidal.
Sam looked at Helen who quickly agreed with me.
As Helen and I walked to see the nurse, Brenda came steaming up behind. "Wait up a second," she called.
"Hey, Brenda," Helen and I said together.
"I heard you were sick and something suddenly just occurred to me. Do you think this is related to what we talked about, when you had that chat with Andy?"
"I think so," I sighed. "Helen thought it best that I get checked, just on the off chance it was something else."
"A good idea," approved Brenda. "Look, if you think it was what you suspect, then a chat with Rachel might not be a bad idea."
"I don't think I'm ready for that," I said after a moment's thought. "Perhaps after we come back from Russia, I can explore who I am a bit more and things might become clearer. Since Rachel said she wanted to chat more with me during 'your fun', I can kill two birds with one stone."
"I don't think it would have been a good idea before we go away," added Helen. "You don't want something like that playing on your mind."
"True," I agreed. We arrived at the nurses, and Brenda left. I was checked over, and a blood sample was taken to make sure I wasn't suffering from food poisoning. I think a few more people in the school would have been ill if it had been food poisoning. Also, since it was a pretty contained school, illness was something that occurred a lot less often.
As I waited to be released, I wasn't surprised to see Rachel appear. The psychiatrists here aren't just psychiatrists, but like family.
"Hi Jayne," she greeted me, as she came round the modesty curtain. "I hear you've not been well."
"It didn't take long for you to hear," I said, trying to put on a smile.
"I have my ways," she laughed. "So, how are you holding up?"
"I'm feeling a lot better than earlier. I was sick, but I'm feeling fine now. A few people said it would be best to get checked out, just in case."
"Sounds like you have some good friends, though with this lot here, I'm not surprised. Do you mind if I stay with you until the results come in?"
"Not at all," I said, my heart sinking.
"Don't worry. I'm not here to shrink your brain. I just want to make sure you're okay. You did very well in the revue; you certainly pulled off the dancing."
"Thanks, though we couldn't have done it without Kelly and Simon."
"Probably, but if you two hadn't put in the effort, all the help in the world wouldn't have made you able to dance like that."
The nurse, Robert, came round the curtain. "Well, your blood tests came back clear. The rest of the other tests should be in by early tomorrow morning. How are you feeling now?"
"I feel a lot better."
"Well you seem to have a bit more colour in your cheeks. Unless you want to, I don't see any reason to keep you here. As long as you are feeling up to it, you can have a normal meal tonight. It looks like you have escaped from Hospital Food. If you feel sick again, then please come back and we will monitor you."
"Thanks." I flashed him a smile.
As we all left, Rachel asked Helen, "Have you changed from the underwear that Kelly gave you for the dance?"
"Yes," she blushed.
"Then if you behave, I don't think Jayne will be sick again tonight."
I opened my mouth to respond, but Rachel continued, "You best run along, your friends will want to know you're okay."
Helen grabbed my hand and led me to our year-room before I could say anything.
* * *
The next few days were back to rehearsals for our trip and it wasn't long before the thirtieth arrived. This was only my third flight, and I was quite nervous. The first two flights covered my trip to Edinburgh and back, so weren't very long journeys. This one was going to take a few hours.
Life can sometimes be so frustrating. There had been leaks, and the beta teams had managed to gleam some information, but nothing to narrow down the identity of the leaker, just that it was now beyond doubt that there was a drip that was rapidly developing into a more serious trickle. Yet here we were, on a plane, about to depart on our trip to Russia, still unsure if, or how much of our trip details had been leaked to the Russians.
"Are you okay?" asked Helen, rubbing my leg.
"I'm fine," I smiled. "I was just thinking about what's been going on. Are you okay?"
"I think so," she said, her smile not as reassuring as mine. "I've only flown a few times, and they weren't very long flights. I've never been on such a large plane before."
"I thought a plane like this would have had a first class area, like they do in the movies," I thought aloud.
"I suppose they have some that are the same all the way through so they can get more passengers in," said Ruth, who was sitting next to Helen. I'd been offered the window seat, and there was no way I was going to give that up.
As we taxied towards the runway, I tried to calm myself down by closing my eyes and taking deep breaths. It didn't really help that I kept hearing the safety announcement echo in my head about where life jackets were kept and what would happen if we needed oxygen. Helen grabbed my hand and gave it a tight squeeze. I think Helen was more nervous than she wanted others to know.
"It'll be okay," I said reassuringly. "They fly planes every day, and Mr Hobson isn't the pilot."
That caused a chuckle from the others students that heard.
"I wonder if the captain would let me have a try," said Brenda, a few rows behind. How on Earth had she heard me?
That caused quite a lot of heckling, and it wasn't until things calmed down that I realised that we were airborne. I nudged Helen and pointed out of the window. The look of panic on her face faded and she tried to see out of the tiny window.
"Would you like to swap when the seat belt sign is off?" I asked. "Then you can look out during the landing."
"Really?" Helen responded, sounding excited. We were only thirteen, after all. Perhaps when I was fourteen in a few weeks, I would grow up a bit. Helen would have to wait a bit longer until she was fourteen.
"Really."
The flight was uneventful; apart from there being a lot more singing on the journey than when we went to France. Brenda was slightly disappointed that she wasn't allowed to visit the flight deck. She'd hoped that since this was a private charter it would have had more relaxed rules.
After an hour into the flight, I swapped places with Helen. There was nothing to see at this stage apart from clear sky all around. We were very high, so there was no chance of making out any landmarks below. The only way we knew where we were was with the navigation program in the entertainment system, built into the seat in front of us.
During the approach, Helen peered out of the window. At first, I tried to lean across, but it was too awkward with the seatbelt on, so I settled back and listened to Helen's commentary. As we got closer, Helen's speech became tenser, and shorter in structure.
"Hold my hand if you want," I said quietly to her.
"I'm okay," she said briskly.
"I know," I smiled to myself. "I'm nervous."
"Oh," Helen quickly responded by grabbing my hand and the tightness told me I'd guessed right. A few minutes later the plane gently landed on the runway.
The reverse jets kicked in and made a much louder noise than I'd expected from my trip to Scotland. That flight had been on a smaller plane than this, so I presume it had smaller engines. These were so loud, poor Helen almost jumped out of her skin and pulled my hand with her.
"It's just the jets reversing to slow us down," I explained.
"I don't remember them being that loud."
"I suppose these are bigger engines, so more noise."
"Hey, you should have heard the ones on the 777 we came to England on," said Ruth. "Now they were loud."
The plane slowed down and taxied to the main terminal. As we disembarked, the first thing we all did was put on our thick winter coats. Wow, it was cold! No, it was colder than cold. In the UK, we'd just had our first covering of snow. It was only probably a centimetre thick, but it was enough to cause huge traffic chaos, not just on the roads, but also on the trains. Apparently it was the wrong type of snow. Here there was a thick blanket of snow.
At immigration, our passports were checked a lot more thoroughly than when we went to France. However, everything was in order, so we easily passed through. I wonder if my Jayne passport was a forgery, or was it a valid one, obtained with forged documents, or did the school know someone inside the passport agency. It was another one of the thoughts I had; one that I knew I probably would never find out the answer to.
The hotel was rather grand, and was nothing like the one at Disney, the only other hotel I'd stayed in. Mr Moore took care of checking us all in, and our internal competition began again — who was the first person that got spoken back to in English.
"Okay, before you all go shooting up to your rooms, a few words," Mr Hobson said. "First, our schedule. Our evening meal will be in an hour in the hotel restaurant. Tomorrow we have some sightseeing scheduled, and then a last minute rehearsal for the concert which is the evening after. If any of you want to go for a walk, that's fine but please inform one of the members of staff first, and no solo walks. Anybody below the age of sixteen must either go with a member of staff or someone from years four or five, or equivalent."
The trip was nothing like the one to France. This was purely a concert, with a bit of sightseeing thrown in for good measure. The school would never miss the opportunity for us to learn something of the world around us. So since we were in Moscow to do a concert, it was a good time to see some of the things that made Moscow, well ... Moscow. It was a slightly strange time, as it was still part of their Christmas festivities. Since the Orthodox Church hadn't adopted the Gregorian calendar and the Russian government had, some people in Russia started celebrating Christmas with the rest of the world on December 25th, and then religiously on January 7th. New Year was also celebrated twice, on the 1st and again on the 13th of January.
It wasn't all boring sightseeing; we had plenty of fun things to do as well, like ice-skating in Red Square. I'd never ice skated before, but when Helen and a few others saw it, they all wanted to have a go.
"Can you all skate?" asked Dan, one of the pair of staff with our year.
Only Emma and I didn't raise our hands.
"We've seen a lot, so why not," said Edith Covington, the other member of staff with us.
"We have a lot of snow at the school and a nice rink has been one of the joys of winter at our school most years," explained Melissa.
I was quite nervous about getting on the ice. Walking in the boots wasn't too bad, but when I saw a few people fall over on the ice, I started to get a bit scared.
"Don't worry, I'll hold your hand and help you get used to it," reassured Helen. "Just look at Randall and Kenny."
I gapped as I saw them flash around the rink, looking like they didn't have a care in the world. When I looked round, I was about to stand on the ice. Helen had once again successfully diverted my attention. I grabbed hold of the rail, and took a tentative step onto the ice.
"Are you okay?" Helen asked.
"I'm fine," I replied, trying to smile. "I'm a bit nervous and my legs feel like jelly, but apart from that, I'm fine."
"Not scared of falling?"
"Of course I'm scared of falling." I couldn't believe Helen would ask that.
"Why don't you hold my hand, and we can see if we can get you going," offered Helen.
"But I might fall."
"If you do, you will drag me down with you. Have faith in me."
I took a deep breath and willed my left hand off the rail and grabbed hold of Helen's hand. My right hand stayed firmly gripped onto the rail.
"Are you ready?"
I nodded and we inched forward, my right hand never too far from the rail.
"You're doing great!" encouraged Helen.
As I went forward, we approached a gap in the rails. My heartbeat was already going faster than usual, but as we neared the gap, I felt my heart speed up.
"What's up?" Helen asked, as my grip tightened.
"The gap," I gasped.
Some of the others must have noticed as Wesley suddenly appeared, stopping by us with a sudden spray of ice.
"Would you like me to take your other hand?" he asked.
"Thanks," I murmured, slightly embarrassed.
"Just repaying a debt. I'd never skated before either, and my first winter at school someone noticed my need and helped me. Helen is doing a great job, but sometime a person on both sides helps."
I made it past the gap and then onwards around the rink. I looked across and saw Paula, who had been helping Emma, wasn't working alone now. Philip had offered his assistance, just like Wesley had for us.
"Toe pick!" laughed Melissa, skating up to Aurora who had just landed flat on her face.
"You've seen that film too many times," laughed Wesley as we went past.
"I wish they had hockey boots here," called back Aurora, picking herself up from the ice.
"What film?" Helen asked.
"The Cutting Edge," Wesley continued to laugh. "I recommend you put it on when we finish this trip."
I started to relax and gain a bit more confidence.
"Toe pick!" I heard again being called out by Melissa. I looked across and saw Aurora again sprawled on the cold ice.
We probably weren't on the ice more than an hour, but when we came off the ice, I wanted to try it again sometime. As we changed out of our ice-skates, I saw a familiar face rushing through the square. I tapped Helen's arm and pointed.
"Wow, we'll have to let Stacy know who's in town."
* * *
Since this wasn't a holiday like the French trip, the concert soon came upon us. The rehearsal had passed smoothly. It wasn't as grand as the practice we did in France, but there was no real need to get us over the shock of playing in a large hall. This performance was going to be a much more discrete affair. The practice was just a run through; we all knew what we were going to play and how to play it.
"The audience is ready, you are all ready, so let's do it," said Mr Hobson. "You played wonderfully in France, and after yesterday's rehearsal, I'm sure you will play even better tonight."
"Jill, can I have an A?" requested Mrs Russell.
The real tune-up then started. It didn't take long and we were guided quietly to the wing. After a signal we made an orderly entrance onto the stage. This was my first chance to see the audience. It was packed. Unlike in France, there wasn't a gap at the front. The Russian premier was already seated. That wasn't the face that made me nearly freeze. I'm sure I spotted Karl Jenkins himself seated on the second row.
After a minute, Stacy followed us onto the stage, and the audience applauded as she took her seat, soon to be followed by Roberta. The lights over the audience dimmed, Roberta raised her arms and the sound of a marching army started to build. Our Moscow concert had begun.
The Armed Man wasn't hardest on the orchestra, though there were some parts which got quite technical. No, it was worst for the choir. The lyrics were in French, Latin and English. I'm surprised that they didn't get mixed up.
When it came to the Benedictus, Stuart was moved out from the main orchestra. The sound that he got from his cello, brought tears to my eyes. It was perfectly controlled with the notes just right, but it was the feeling that floated gently across the room. Was it as good as Guy Johnson on the CD version we'd listened to in our year room? I thought Stuart played it better, but I was biased.
"Well done," Mrs Russell praised us, as the interval started. "That was very well played, sung and conducted. Have your ice-cream and try to relax, you will be on again in twenty minutes."
Remembering what had happened in France, I decide a toilet visit wasn't a bad idea. Beethoven's Ninth Symphony wasn't short and I didn't want to feel uncomfortable during the end. Going to the toilet wasn't easy in a nice concert dress. When I came out of the toilet, I found Lewis pacing up and down the hall.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"A bit nervous. I'm just trying to keep calm."
"You will be fine," I said, trying my best to reassure him. "You conducted very well in the practice yesterday, and you did a great job in France."
"Really?"
"Really. Do you honestly think they would have you conducting unless they thought you could do it perfectly?"
"I suppose not," he laughed, still rather nervously. "This school does seem to bring out the best in us all."
"Yes, and you are the best one to conduct this. The orchestra and choir know what you want. If Roberta conducted it now, we would be all over the place."
We didn't get chance to talk more, as it was time to go back onstage. When Lewis walked out, none of his nerves showed. This might have been a long piece, but it was full of activity. My own nerves also vanished as I concentrated on providing pleasure to the audience. It seemed like only a few minutes had passed, when I realised that we were actually playing the final few bars.
Wow, what a piece that was. The last echoes of the music faded, but Lewis's hands didn't move from their raised position, as if he was trying to remember this day forever. The final concert in France had been grand, but this place was unbelievable.
Silence.
Apart from the rapid beating of my heart, not a sound could be heard. I felt the sweat gently fall towards my neatly trimmed eyebrows. My lips trembled slightly as they relaxed after the tortuous effort to play what was one of the longest symphonies. The length of this one symphony had forced Philips to alter the size of the compact disc from sixty to seventy-four minutes, just so it could fit onto a single disc.
Silence.
My gaze continued to be fixed on Lewis, the look of relief that he'd managed to successfully conduct Beethoven's final symphony was gradually replaced with one of sheer joy. He closed his eyes, and smiled with heartfelt joy. I couldn't see any other faces without looking around, which would be unprofessional, but I could feel the exhilaration from those seated close.
Silence.
Joy. Hope. Freedom. Love. I now had my own thoughts about the masterpiece that a deaf man had created. One should never judge a person by a disability, an illness, the colour of their skin, religion, sexuality, or gender. This was taught very strongly at school, and this was just an example of a wonderful creation that might never have happened if people had just judged him because of his deafness.
Silence.
Lewis's arms dropped and we lowered our instruments. The silence was replaced with applause and what applause it was. Lewis turned and bowed a few times, then waved us all to our feet; the applause grew louder. We sat down as Lewis disappeared and returned with four people who gave bouquets of flowers to the four soloists. One by one, Lewis signalled each soloist, who took a bow. Sandy's top was so low, I'm sure she gave everyone a good show as she took a very deep bow.
The four soloists followed Lewis as he left the stage. Stacy rose and followed. Taking our queue from Stacy, we all followed, exiting in our prescribed order. I wondered what was going on. The clapping was loud enough for an encore, and what happened to the national anthems? Something didn't feel right.
As I left the stage, Stacy stood at the exit, her arms folded. This was the sign that I hoped I would never see. Something had gone wrong with the Alpha team.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 43
What has gone wrong with the Alpha team and will the Beta's be able to help?
My heart sank. The trouble, which everyone in the beta team had hoped would never occur, had. The memory of what to do in a situation like this was ingrained in my head. There was no reason for Stacy to remind us, and she didn't. She expected us to know what was needed. I didn't want to disappoint her.
I made my way into the warm up room and after putting my instrument into its case, looked for someone to entrust my French horn to. I spotted Brian, and since he only had his baton, I decided he was an obvious target.
"Brian, can you please make sure this gets back safely?" I quietly asked.
"Be careful," he said, taking my instrument without any hesitation.
As I made my way to the exit, I spotted Helen giving her bassoon to Jessica, who didn't seem to hesitate in taking it. I wonder how much our friends know or suspect. I didn't go up to Helen, but slipped out of the door, with Helen close behind.
It wasn't until I was outside that I waited for Helen and we walked briskly to the hotel. Running would have drawn unwanted attention to us, but walking briskly was something many locals did to get quickly out of the biting wind. The coach might have been quicker, but the traffic jams in Moscow were often very bad.
In our room, we took out our suitcases, opened the bottom to reveal extra items and started our transformations into two young men. The coats were reversible. When they were one way, they looked like a man's coat, but when pulled inside out they were feminine. We placed our ordinary PDA's in the bottom of our cases and switched on our beta ones.
We were just finishing changing when Jill and Anna came into the room. In hindsight, it would have been easier if we'd shared with Ruth and Michelle, but that would have probably upset Jill and Anna. Actually, they might have liked sharing with Erika.
"What's going on?" Jill blurted out instantly.
"Sorry?"
"I can't find Dad and now you are like this. What's going on?"
Christopher and I exchanged glances. What could we tell Jill? If we told her the truth, it would expose too much. If we told her nothing, it would be like betraying her.
"Jill, I think you should let them get going," Anna suddenly injected, pulling her partner to one side. Then she turned to us, "Sorry, I don't think Jill is thinking straight. Be safe, we will be thinking of you. Oh, and when we meet up with the others, we didn't see anything."
"Thanks," Christopher uttered, as we left to go to Marcus's bedroom.
We were the last to arrive. "Sorry, Jill detained us, worried about Julia."
"Did you say anything?" asked Andy.
"No, Anna understood and is sorting things out with Jill. I think Jill is just very worried."
Marcus took charge, "Yes, but that is something to discuss later. The current situation is that both Alpha teams are stranded in their targets. Complicating things is that the building that the Manor alpha team visited is shielded against satellite communications, which wasn't in any plans. Both sites need a distraction so the alpha teams can get out, but we also need to come up with a plan to get the data out of there, too.
"That building has no windows where the computers are, so they were linking via a van, which does the upload. The uplink signal is being jammed, and we only got a scant report before the PDA signals of both teams were also blocked. Since no previous intelligence showed any electronic jamming equipment, it appears that they were expected . Therefore, whatever we do, we have to be very careful. They are obviously aware of the alpha teams, but we aren't sure if they know about us. Since they know about them, we don't have much time before they are found. Skip, do you have a plan for your team?"
"Yes, we'll go to my room to discuss it in detail. It seems we have the trickier mission."
"If you need us after we've finished, just let us know," offered Marcus.
"Good luck," we all whispered to each other, as The Manor Beta team disappeared to plan and conduct their mission.
Marcus continued, "Our primary mission is to get our alpha team out without getting ourselves caught in the process. The easiest thing would be to cut the power to the building. Without the lights, there should be confusion and the alpha team may be able to slip out unnoticed."
"There is a big risk with that," I said, biting my bottom lip. "They will probably have emergency lights. How about we physically distract the guards with a 'break in' at the other side of the building? While they are dealing with us, the alpha team can get out."
"How do we let the alpha team know that the coast is clear?" queried Andy
"We also kill the lights as per Marcus's plan. The lack of power should be enough of a clue. If the new electronic interference isn't on the backup power, we should be able to get a message to them."
"Sounds like a great amendment to the plan," agreed Marcus.
"The manhole cover two streets away will give me access to the main feed," added Felix. "It won't be a clean break, and will affect several buildings nearby. It will also probably take them several hours to repair."
"Good, we wouldn't want a quick repair. It would be awful if the power came on just as they were sneaking out. Just make sure that once the circuit is broken you get out of the area quickly and quietly, preferably back here as Fran."
There was a brief knock on the door and Mr Hobson came in. He quickly looked around and said, "Marcus, you can't seriously be taking David and Christopher with you?"
Before Marcus could say anything, I leapt in, "We all volunteered and there is no way you will stop me from tagging along."
"Too right," scowled Christopher.
"But David, we might need you to run computer interference," said Mr Hobson rather lamely. I think he knew he was on a losing battle. It was good to see that he had the safety of his students at heart, but now wasn't the time.
"Are you really telling me that a certain little munchkin didn't notice something amiss and isn't already causing havoc with all the computers in Moscow? If she isn't, then please get her involved. She might be able to help Skip by stopping the jamming. It's a shame they are too far for standard communications and we are reliant on the satellite to speak with them on their PDA's."
Mr Hobson turned pale. I really don't think he'd thought about Matilda. I'm sure I heard him mutter to himself that she would be the death of him.
"The rock," suddenly said Marcus.
"What?" everyone queried.
"The fake rock that Mrs Brown tried to plant at the school. It was a method of turning the short-range frequencies into something that could be picked up much further away. Some of the students might be able to put something together that we can use. It doesn't have to be there for long."
"What about the leak?" Christopher thought aloud.
"We are pretty sure the students are clean," said Mr Hobson. "All the leaks have occurred from our school, so I'll make sure I speak with Mr Moore about using some of the American students. Now, good luck and please be careful." With that, Mr Hobson left. He was still worried about us, but having something to do other than get in our way.
"Okay, let's get going," said Marcus, sounding full of confidence. "Sean, you're Felix's cover. Christopher, you're with Andy and David, you're with me."
Christopher disabled the door alarm, and we slipped through a fire door into the cold winter evening. Nobody from my old school would ever believe that I, David Grant, was in Russia, rescuing a bunch of spies. Heck, even I couldn't believe that I was involved in this. Perhaps I should change my name to Alex Rider.
We were dressed like young Russian manual labourers. Slung over Marcus's, Andy's and Felix's shoulders were three tatty looking rucksacks. In them were the items we might need for our outing. It had snowed a little while we were inside. The ground was bright white, reflecting the streetlights. It was always fun to walk on fresh powdery snow before it became compacted. I looked back, and saw our fresh tracks from the fire escape. I patted Marcus on the shoulder and pointed it out. He gave a sharp nod and tapped something on his PDA.
"Well spotted, there should be a big snowball fight in a few minutes," Marcus responded.
As we got closer to the target, Felix and Sean quietly slipped away. It didn't take long before we were standing by a few trees, outside a rather unremarkable concrete building.
"Access gained," I heard Sean's voice say in my earpiece. It would still be a few minutes before Felix was ready to kill the power.
"Okay, team." Marcus rummaged inside my rucksack and handed each of us what looked like a six centimetre round disk with a rather large handle on it. "These sonic projectors kick a little, so make sure that you brace yourselves before firing."
I moved off with Marcus, leaving Christopher with Andy. At Felix's signal, we would attack opposite ends of the building, splitting up the resources of the small team of night guards. I just hope they hadn't put on too many extras since they expected the alpha team. I wondered if they knew about us.
"Off in thirty." Felix's voice rang in our ears.
I braced myself against the wall of the building next to it, aimed at my target, and fired my sonic projector. The sound of splintering glass filled the air, soon accompanied by an ear piercing alarm. Ten seconds before power off. It wasn't long before we saw the shadows of running guards and we withdrew further into the shadow of the neighbouring building.
Three.
Two.
One.
The lights went out, not just in the target building, but also in the surrounding buildings. The alarm stopped and we were enveloped with silence. I thought it was quiet, but our ears soon picked up the constant background sound of Moscow's traffic. I hoped Felix had been able to cover up his work, so it took them longer to find the break.
"Alpha One, do you read us," quietly spoke Marcus.
"Thanks for the diversion. We are out of here, see you back at Snooze Station."
Snooze Station? That must have been the lamest codename I'd ever heard. Well, I suppose I hadn't heard many. The person who came up with that as a code name for the hotel needs to go back to school. There was no more conversation with the alpha team over our encrypted channel; it might be used to triangulate our position.
"Do we go back to Snooze Station too?" I asked Marcus.
"Not yet. First, we need to meet our other halves and then decide."
We quietly made our way back through the park to where Christopher and Andy were hiding amongst the trees. As we approached, we heard Andy suddenly yell "DUCK!"
Duck? Quack? I didn't have time for any other strange thoughts as Marcus grabbed me and pulled me to the snow covered ground. Two gunshots broke the silence. I quickly glanced up to make sure that Christopher was okay. He was standing there next to Andy. Both were holding pistols.
"Two armed guards were following you," explained Andy as we both hugged our partners. This wasn't really the time for a reunion party. Others would have heard the gunshots and police would be called to investigate. We had to get out of here.
"Beta One Bravo, do you read me?" Marcus said into his lapel microphone.
"Roger, we have the package and are about to extract the team."
"Do you need any assistance?"
"A bigger party would be helpful. A few minutes ago, a larger search team arrived. I reckon we have twenty minutes."
"Okay, party crashers on their way. Stand by for rock-and-roll."
Rock and Roll? I wonder what Marcus meant by that. I think I must read up more on the code words.
"Sorry gang," said Marcus to the three of us. "It looks like we have a bit more fun left this evening."
Fun? Was Marcus serious? I think he could do with his head examining. Actually, a nice chat with Rachel might not be a bad idea. We quickly set off towards the other target.
Andy took me to one side. "If we have to split up later, please make sure that Beta One gets back to Snooze Station safely. Certain medical tasks need to be done several times a day and I know that would get missed if Beta One wasn't reminded."
It made me smile slightly hearing even Andy refer to his partner and lover by code rather than name. We hadn't uttered each other's names since leaving the hotel.
"Don't worry, just make sure you look after mine, and I'll look after yours."
We both had a little smirk about that before rushing to catch up with ones we would watch over and that would watch over us.
"Halt!"
We weren't far from where we planned to cause some disruption. A policeman had got out of his car. "What are you doing in this area?"
"We are just going to the metro station," Marcus said in perfect local Russian. Now I was glad that Jessica and Wendy had been able to teach us what we needed.
"That's okay," he agreed. "We have a Chechen alert, so be careful."
With those kind words, we went towards the metro station under the watchful gaze of the policeman. When we went round the corner, we saw that not only were the police out in force, but there seemed to be some military as well.
"This isn't good," said Christopher, very much understating the situation.
"Noose tightening," said Marcus, on the beta communication system.
"Acknowledged," came Skip's terse reply.
"There's less military activity to the east," came a small girl's voice via the PDA system. "Working on police tracking now."
I looked at the others to see they were also surprised to hear Matilda, though I've never been so glad to hear that voice. It was so nice to know that someone was watching our backs.
"Isn't that building over there one that was marked on our maps as being closed for refurbishment?" asked Andy.
"Yes, plan on hiding there?" I responded, wondering what their plan was.
"It looks like it needs demolishing," outlined Marcus.
Demolishing? Oh great, now that will attract attention. We walked right past one of the military vehicles on the way. I wanted to rush past, but Marcus kept us all at a steady pace. I couldn't believe it when Andy casually stopped to re-tie his shoelace. When Marcus and Andy entered the building, Christopher and I were left to keep a subtle watch.
"I'm a bit nervous about this," I admitted to Christopher. I hoped our quiet chatter made it look like were two locals waiting for friends.
"Yes, I know what you mean. We are two teenagers and it isn't something that a nineteen year old would get involved with, let alone two thirteen year olds. We are both standing here, 2,500 kilometres from home with armed police and soldiers standing in spitting distance, looking for us though thankfully they don't know it. I just hope we both reach our fourteenth birthdays."
"At least you only have a few weeks before your birthday."
"You'll get to yours, too."
"I'm taking over as your electronic ears," a familiar voice interrupted our banter. "Your previous guide is concentrating on the others."
Christopher and I exchanged smiles. It was good to know that Fran was back safely.
"Our satellite will be out of range in twenty minutes. In a few minutes, an update will download and reset your system. You will be out of communication for forty seconds. If the new uplink fails, there is a backup link. See you on the other side."
I tried to think of the satellites we used, and there wouldn't be anything giving coverage, so I wondered what system we would be using. Also, was it legitimate use, or had one of them hijacked it. I turned my back on the soldier's activity, so I could look at my PDA without being noticed. It didn't take long, the PDA went down and when it came back the signal was identified by the name SKYNET.
Skynet? I stifled my laughter.
"We're back," I said, letting Fran know it worked.
Marcus and Andy came out of the building, their rucksack looking significantly less full than when they went in. Marcus must have seen my smile, as he gave me an enquiring look.
I showed both Andy and Marcus my PDA and smiled and nodded. If it wasn't for us being in shooting distance of a heavily armed squad, they would have both been laughing. "I wouldn't just blame that one person. To get that to work would have taken a few additional people."
"Let's get moving, we don't have long," prodded Andy. "We'll see you two later."
My heart sank as I watched Christopher walk away with Andy. Why couldn't I have been with Christopher? Marcus led me in a different direction and my love was soon out of sight. We were also away from the army, which was a good thing.
"He'll be okay. If not, I'll track Beta Two down and kill him for not keeping his nose clean. You seemed a bit worried about others helping to keep us in touch."
"It's more people that know the secret," I sighed.
"I think most suspected."
"Yes, but there is a difference between knowing and suspecting."
"It looks like you will be having a harder time next year, sorry."
"Next year?"
"I won't be around next year, and someone has to be Beta One. I know someone in charge has great hopes for you."
"Aren't I too young? Wouldn't it be best to be the same as the head pupil?"
"It would be, but they aren't up to this excitement. They have all been tested in some ways to see how they would react. It's either you, or Beta Three next year, but you saw how Beta Three differed from you earlier. Damn, my PDA is resetting. Can you get hold of Beta One Bravo and tell him to brace for diversion."
I relayed as instructed and a few seconds later, the sound of an explosion broke through the night. I could hear nothing apart from my ears ringing. It was followed with another explosion; this one seemed larger.
When I'd slightly recovered, I quivered, "Two?"
"The van where Andy tied his shoelace was the first one, the building the second."
"But it might have killed someone," I said horrified.
"Maybe, but the type of explosives we used are designed to give a loud bang, but not have that much destructive power. With a little luck, there will be nothing more than blown out windows in the area. The building might be unsafe, but it shouldn't have collapsed. Let's hope it attracts attention and takes people away from where we don't want them to be."
"I feel sorry for the people back at Snooze Station," I thought aloud. "If they are monitoring radio traffic, it is going to get very busy."
In the distance, we heard some more explosions. I looked at Marcus, who looked surprised too. It sounded too far for it to have been caused by Andy and Christopher.
"It sounds like some of our alpha team had a similar idea," Marcus whispered, after a moment's thought.
"Search team has left and alpha team extracted," said a very relieved Skip.
"What now?" I asked Marcus.
"We go to Snooze Station and relax, hopefully."
"Relax, after this?"
"We also pray that our partners aren't too horny," laughed Marcus. I almost shuddered at that thought.
"In twenty meters there is an alley on your right, take it quickly," Ingrid informed us.
Without a moment's thought, Marcus and I ran for the alley and ducked into its shadows, just before a military truck drove past. Ingrid and others at Snooze Station were our eyes, overseeing our safety. If they told us to do something, we would do it without hesitation.
Ingrid interrupted my thoughts. "Beta One Bravo needs assistance. The area they are has been blocked."
"Who is nearest?" Marcus responded.
"You are, but you can't move for another three minutes, as another truck will drive past."
"I have transport available," Andy announced. "Traffic appears to be lighter than usual. I can be there in three minutes."
My heart sank. I'd been hoping that Christopher would see no more action.
Marcus came and put his arm around me. "You have a go," he confirmed to Andy via his lapel microphone.
My heart sank into my boots. Marcus knew how I felt, and yet he carried on. I thought he was supposed to care. I roughly removed his arm from around me.
"Do you think I like sending Beta Two into an area like that?" Marcus murmured, sounding rather hurt.
"Then why did you?"
"If I hadn't given the go ahead, he would have gone anyway. We can't leave people in trouble."
"But what if it gets more people in trouble," I persisted.
"We would have been told if Snooze Station thought it was too dangerous."
Too dangerous? Heck, we've nearly been caught ourselves a few times and Andy had shot someone, or was it Christopher?
The second military vehicle rumbled slowly past, sounding rather like a badly maintained tractor. I looked at Marcus, who held up his hand signalling we should wait. As we stood impatiently in the shadows it started snowing, not heavily, but a gentle flurry, which speckled our coats with white.
"All clear," our guardian angel eventually informed us.
We trudged through the snow towards the hotel, our eyes constantly looking for trouble, and our ears listening for information on our love ones. We made it back to Snooze Station without issue. Ingrid was waiting by the emergency door and after gently tapping our special knock we were let in.
"What's the news?" Marcus and I both asked her at once.
"Come with me," Ingrid responded. I swallowed, trying to keep my frustration under control. We followed her to Kriss's room and there was small group beavering away. It was all adults. All the other beta's and any other student helpers were now gone.
"Welcome back," Mr Moore greeted us.
"What's their status?" Marcus asked.
"Everyone is back, apart from the four you know about. We know that they got into the square and something happened. There were gunshots heard, and we know the car Andy was driving left the area at high speed. However, we have lost track on where the car is. One of the other teams is actively looking for them."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 44
Can the missing four be found before it is too late?
"What can I do?" I asked plaintively.
The two headmasters exchanged knowing glances, before Mr Hobson told us, "First, you and Marcus need to go back to your rooms and change. Fran is currently in with Dr Ruiz. Ingrid will follow next, then Stacy and finally you. The Manor Betas are currently chatting with Dr Hanson."
"I mean, about helping get the four back."
"We're working on it," Mr Moore assured us. "At the moment, there is too much activity for you to go out safely and I'm not going to put any of you in unnecessary danger. We have a full Alpha team working here and a full team out on the search. The Beta's have been stood down, unless something extraordinary happens. Well done, all of you."
"But-"
"Come on, David," murmured Marcus, putting his arm around my shoulder. "Let's go and get changed. We also need to get some food. All that running around will have made us hungry."
"But I'm not hungry," I whined, as we closed the door behind us.
"You need to keep up your strength, just in case we need to go out again," he explained, when we were far enough from the room.
"Oh," I uttered, cheering up. I was worried that everyone had abandoned Christopher.
In the lift to our floor, Marcus added, "Look, I'll come to your room in ten minutes and we'll grab some food. We can have a bit of a chat then, alright?"
"Yeah, sure." When we got to our floor, we went in opposite directions toward our rooms. I pulled out my room key, well swipe card, and unlocked the door. I was quite surprised to see all of the year from both schools camped out in there. The only ones not there were Helen, Ruth and Michelle.
"Oh, hi," I said rather lamely as everyone looked at my dishevelled face. I braced myself for a grilling.
The stunned silence was soon replaced by the expected torrent of questions.
"Where are Helen, Ruth and Michelle?"
"Are you okay?"
"Was it exciting?"
"Why do you look so crap?"
I wearily held up my hands. It wasn't until then that I realised how tired I was. The room quickly went quiet.
"Ruth and Michelle are having a chat with Ellen. Jill, Julia is back, but rather busy at the moment. Now, I need to go and have a shower and get changed."
I grabbed some clothes from my suitcase, and rushed into the bathroom, a hail of questions following me. As I slammed the door shut, I could hear them settle down. I quickly stripped and jumped under the warm water. I was of two minds; to either have a quick shower just in case Helen returned, or have a slow one so I didn't have to answer any of their questions. The thought of being there for Helen was more important to me, so I was soon drying my hair, and dressing.
I tentatively opened the door, hoping that everyone would have gone; they hadn't. Sighing to myself, I put on a smile, fully opened the door and went into the room.
"Sorry that everyone drowned you in questions." Melissa pulled me down to sit between herself and Aurora.
"It's okay. Did anything happen while I was out?"
"Jessica got asked to use her specialist skills," added Sam.
"Oh," I said, looking at Jessica. "So you know what was going on?"
"Not fully. I was asked to help a few others with some satellite information. Anyway, I wasn't the only person helping."
There was a small gap in the conversation. I think most knew some of what was happening, but like Jessica, didn't want to ask.
"Where's Helen?" asked Erika.
I swallowed hard. "She's not back yet."
I was immediately hugged by Melissa and Aurora. "Is there anything we can do?"
"Pray."
My standard travel PDA warbled. Grabbing it, I looked at the screen, hoping that it would be some important information. When I saw it was Stacy, my anticipation grew.
"Yes?" I queried, my voice full of hope.
"Oh, sorry, I've no news. I'm just being asked a lot of questions here, so I'll be late eating."
"It's okay; I'm getting the same treatment. See you in a bit then."
Every eye in the room looked at me. Luckily I was saved by a knock on the door. Anna rushed to the door and, standing on tiptoes, looked through the spy hole. She quickly flung open the door and ushered in Ruth and Michelle.
Again, a barrage of questions were flung at the people who'd just entered the room. Ruth and Michelle just stood and waited for everyone to calm down.
"Wow, lots of questions. I take it that Jayne hasn't told you very much."
"She really hasn't said anything, apart from Helen isn't back."
"There are a lot of road blocks around Moscow, as there have been a few explosions. The Chechens are being blamed."
"So what exactly were you-" started Sam.
I interrupted, "Wait until we are back at school and in our common-room. This isn't something that should be discussed here."
"Certainly not," Ruth quickly agreed.
"Any other secrets you've been hiding from us?" asked Jessica.
"I hope not," I replied.
"I'm sorry we kept it to ourselves," said Michelle. "However, it isn't something that was, or should be discussed."
"All I ask is don't share your ideas on this with anybody, and I mean anybody. If you want to discuss between yourselves, then please wait until we are at school and when you are alone," requested Ruth.
There was another knock, which I recognised as Stacy's. I was glad, as she wouldn't be staying. I don't think we could fit anybody else into the room.
"Anybody else want to go for a late night snack?" Stacy asked, calling into the room.
"That sounds fun," said Lewis, getting up from the corner of my bed.
"Why not," laughed Brian. "I've never had a late night meal before. Sounds fun."
"Most of years five and H are with me," added Stacy.
"Oh, why not," nodded Aurora.
I think everyone either being like sheep or just not wanting to miss something, followed. I was so glad that the hotel restaurant was open late, due to it being the New Year festivities. Even so, they looked like they were about to close.
"Can you fit in …" Stacy stopped to count how many there was. She gave up and said, "Can you fit in a lot of us?"
"Didn't you all eat earlier?" the rather elderly waiter asked, looking rather confused. We all liked him, as extra things always appeared with our meals.
"It's all these explosions and crazy stuff that's been happening," Michelle replied, a rather worried look on her face. "We're all a little upset and can't sleep. It's a bit tight, squeezing all of us in the same room."
"Why don't you all make yourselves at home in the corner over there," he said. "I'll be across in a minute to see what you want."
This hotel was a lot more personal than the one in France. It wasn't as big and therefore the staff always seemed to be the same. At Disney, I don't think I saw the same person twice and we were there for a lot longer. My thoughts were distracted when the waiter appeared again and we ordered a lot of unhealthy food. I was glad I'd missed the main meal; apparently the main course had tasted disgusting.
I felt a bit better after some food and some distracting conversation. As we finished up, Stacy said, "Everyone should try and get some sleep tonight. We have to be at the airport in good time."
Stacy almost looked ill as she said that. She was doing her job as head girl, but I knew what she was thinking. I didn't want to leave here without Helen and I know she didn't want to leave without Andy.
As we went up the stairs, Stacy and I were at the back. "Can we have a chat for a moment?"
"My room would be quieter," she said.
I shook my head, "I think we need to talk to Jill a bit. She has been very down since the concert and funny as it sounds, I think she is one of the only ones that doesn't have a clue."
"What did you tell everyone when they grilled you?"
"That we would discuss things when we got back to the common-room at Hayfield, but in the meantime, not to discuss any ideas with anyone until we were safely home."
"Sounds about the same as what I said. I knew you'd be good at this type of thing."
When we got to the room we found Jill crying. Anna had her arm round her, trying to be a comfort. That was the problem with sharing a hotel room; you can never tell what you might walk into.
"A bit of a hard day, wasn't it?" Stacy asked, as she came into the room.
Jill and Anna hadn't realised Stacy was with me and jumped in surprise.
"Sorry for startling you," she apologised.
"It's okay," sniffed Jill, grabbing a tissue from her bag and wiping away the tears.
"Would you like to go and see your Dad?" Stacy asked gently.
"Isn't that against the rules?" gasped Jill, understanding Stacy's meaning. Dad, not Julia. Family not teacher.
"Do you understand anything that has happened since the concert?"
"I'm not sure," muttered Jill. "You probably think I'm thick or something."
"Not at all," I said. "You have had some obvious worries and not had time to think about it much."
"So, let's go and see your Dad now, and then you can be updated," persuaded Stacy.
Jill got up and started to follow Stacy. Anna stayed where she was.
"Anna, you can come too," I added. "No secrets from partners."
I expected us to go to Kriss's room, which is where all the activity had been, but instead we went down the corridor and knocked on a door.
"Come," Julia called.
Jill didn't know how to act. She stood there rather shyly in the open doorway, glancing between Julia and Anna. Anna shook her head slightly and pushed Jill towards Julia. Jill didn't need any more prompting and was soon in a huge hug with her surviving parent.
"Stacy and I have a few things to do, so we'll see you both later," I announced, pulling Stacy out of the room.
"I wonder how much Julia is planning to tell them," I mused, after I'd shut the door.
"Everything."
"Everything? Including the stuff about when her mum died?"
"Everything."
"Wow, that’s going to be a heavy chat." I paused, something which had been nagging me suddenly made sense. It was as if a light bulb was suddenly flashing above my head. "When did you set this up?"
"Earlier. You told me how concerned Jill had been about Julia, and then when I saw how upset she was, I sent a text message to Julia while we were eating downstairs . You just got there a bit before me, by suggesting we talk to Jill."
We'd been walking along chatting when I came to a stop. "Why are we at my room?" Stacy asked, sounding puzzled.
"Because someone you know very well, mentioned that in all the excitement you might need prompting to do some medical stuff you need to do."
"Thanks," she smiled, her cheeks going a bit pink. "I'm just glad they put post-op people in twin rooms instead of quads. It makes it much less embarrassing."
I wasn't quite sure what Andy had meant when he mentioned Stacy having to do certain medical things. I was still in the dark, but by the way Stacy acted, I was even more reluctant to ask. "I'm due to see Rachel in a minute. I do have a favour to ask for when I'm finished with her."
"What?"
"Will you spend the night in our room? I know I'll miss Helen, so I'm sure you don't want to be alone."
She agreed, and at a buzz from my PDA, we pried ourselves apart. "Time to go see Rachel." I sighed. "See you later."
We went our separate ways. My notification to see Rachel included her room number, so it was easy to find her. I'd had a few chats with her since my attempted suicide, but we'd kept off anything too serious. I wonder if she’ll be upset with me for going out with the team? I quickly suppressed that thought. Rachel has never been judgemental. She might ask me questions I didn't want to answer, or make me look at things in a way I hadn't thought, but even when I'd tried to commit suicide, she hadn't been angry.
After knocking and being let in, I was quite surprised to see her in jeans and t-shirt. Even when we were on holiday in France, she was always dressed smarter.
"Where's your nice settee?" I asked, trying to hide my nervousness.
"I couldn't fit it in my suitcase," she laughed. "Why don't you make yourself comfortable on my bed? It's a lot better than standing by the door."
I perched myself at the edge of the bed. "You can make yourself more comfortable than that," Rachel laughed. "I would be grateful though if you would take off your trainers if you're going to lie down."
"Perhaps later," I replied.
"You seem to have had a busy evening. Why don't you tell me what happened?"
"Haven't you heard it from Stacy?"
"I've heard her views. Why don't you give me yours?"
"Well the alpha team got trapped and we had to go and help get them out. Andy or Christopher shot a security guard and to distract the searchers, we blew up a few things. Marcus and I got stuck in an ally, so Andy and Christopher had to rescue Skip and Ed."
"That appears to be a rather abbreviated version of events. So, Andy and Christopher shot someone. Why did they do that?"
"I don't know; it was all so quick. Marcus and I were walking towards Andy and Christopher. Andy shouted something and Marcus pulled me to the ground. Next thing I know, I heard shots and when I looked up, Andy and Christopher had their handguns out."
"How do you know it was a security guard?"
"I looked and saw him just behind us."
I started shaking. As I thought back to the incident, I could see a gun lying next to him on top of the compacted snow. If it hadn't been for Andy or Christopher, I might have been dead.
Dead? I can't die yet. I’m only thirteen. I have so much to do, so much to see, so much new food to taste. My mum. I started to cry. What will happen to my mum if I die? She is just getting her life back together. Would it set her back?
My thoughts were interrupted as I felt the bed move and an arm gently holding me. "What were you thinking?"
I fumbled, trying to grab a tissue. When I was seeing Rachel at Hayfield, I knew there was always a stack of tissues there. There were some on the tables in front of the settee, and next to the chairs. Here, the nearest box of tissues was … oh, in Rachel's hand.
"Thanks," I sniffed, and then blew loudly. The worst thing about crying was the runny nose. I hated the taste if I cried too much without clearing up.
"Sorry?" I said, trying to get my mind in gear.
"What were you thinking?"
"That I was too young to die and if it wasn't for my friends, I would be dead now."
"But I thought you wanted to die? Didn't you try to commit suicide the other week?"
"Even for you, that wasn't on," I said angrily, jumping up. "Today was about trying to save others. I wasn't looking to be a hero or a ... a, someone who gets rewarded for dying while doing something heroic."
"A martyr?" offered Rachel, not moving from where she was.
"That sounds like the right word, martyr. I wasn't trying to be a martyr. I thought you knew what the beta program was about, it was you who told us about it when we started school."
"Didn't Mr Hobson ask you not to go out? Didn't he say you were too young?"
"Yes."
"Then why did you?"
My anger had started to fade, but I was now getting a bit frustrated. "Because he was thinking of us and not what needed to be done. Who else could have gone out to help the alpha team? Would you and Mr Hobson have gone to one building, and Mr Moore and Dr Hanson to the other?"
"We could."
"Mr Hobson didn't offer. Are either of you trained for something like that?"
"No, but neither are you, though you have been trained how to handle a gun and a few other things. The only ones in your group that have are Stacy and Andy. So, if you weren't aiming to be a martyr, why did you go?"
"I didn't think it was so dangerous. We just needed to cause a diversion and we'd be out of there."
"And now?"
"Now I'm worried about Helen. Nobody knows where she is, and she hasn't contacted us.
I plonked myself back down on the bed and burst into tears. Perhaps if I hadn't accepted coming to the school, then Helen wouldn't have either, she wouldn't have been a beta and then she wouldn't be missing now. I tried to articulate my thoughts in between the sobs, nose blowing, and general strange noises I make when I'm upset.
"You can't go living your life with regrets. You made the choices you did and Helen made hers. She didn't have to come to this school. She didn't have to join the beta team. She didn't have to go out tonight."
"But-" I stopped myself.
"But?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Come on, Jayne. Tell me what you were going to say. It's always best to get it off your chest."
"It's silly, really."
"So, have I ever laughed at you?"
"Suppose not. Well, Helen and I look out for each other. Even if she was reluctant to go out tonight, she still would have gone, because I know that's what I would have done for her."
"And now you feel guilty that you're safe here in the hotel, and she isn't?"
"I suppose."
A knock at the door surprised me. Dr Ruiz muttered something to herself and got off the bed to find out who it was. It wasn't a knock I recognised. I tried to hear what was being said, but they were too quiet.
"Well, that was good news," said Rachel. She joined me back on the bed, rather than going to the chair she'd originally been on. "The missing four just reported in. They ditched the car they'd, um, 'borrowed' and have been hiding in the underground. They attempted to come out a while ago, but spotted troops, so went back into hiding. While underground, their phones didn't work."
"Where are they now?" I said, getting excited. "Can we go get them?"
"They're worried about coming back into the centre due to all the activity, so they're going to go out to the airport. They will spend the night at the airport hotel and we will see them tomorrow for our flight home. With all the activity, it is too dangerous for you to go and visit."
I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my mind. Helen was safe! This would be the first time for months that we hadn't slept in the same room together, but she was safe.
Since the person had kept himself hidden, I presumed he was an Alpha person, so presumed Rachel would inform Stacy, like she'd just told me. "Can I go and tell Stacy?"
"It will save me doing it." Rachel laughed at my sudden change of mood. "See you tomorrow, well later today really."
Helen is safe! Helen is safe! Wait until I get hold of her for causing me so much worry. But she's safe!
I knocked on Stacy's door. "Hang on a minute," she called. I heard some noise and eventually she let me in. She had on a dressing gown rather than her normal clothes.
"What's happened?" she said, seeing my excited face.
"They're safe," I happily reported, almost jumping up and down. "They're all safe."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 45
"That's great news," said Stacy, her eyes twinkling with happiness. "I'm just finishing something. How did you describe it earlier? Oh yes, 'some medical stuff'. I'll come to your room when I'm finished. I shouldn't be more than thirty minutes."
"I'll still be up, so I'll be able to let you in."
"Thank but that's not necessary. I have a key that opens all the doors."
"How-" I started and then decided it wasn't worth asking. I just smiled and shook my head. "I'll see you later then."
I wonder what Stacy's doing. It must be a bit private, as she seemed to get very embarrassed when the 'medical stuff' was mentioned. When I got back to the bedroom, it was empty. Anna and Jill were apparently still with Julia and I wasn't going to get to see Helen until the next day.
I lay on my bed, thinking about going to clean my teeth and get changed for sleep, but I just didn't feel like it. My bed was a comfort and because I was alone in the room, I felt very uneasy. I didn't know what it was, but every time I thought about going to the bathroom, I dreaded leaving the bed. It was as if something nasty was going to happen to me.
This is silly. After taking a few deep breaths, I sat up. Come on, David. The bathroom is only over there.
I'd only gone to the bathroom, but I felt exhausted. I decided to go to the toilet, as it would be a good chance to get myself back together. Sitting there, I heard a whooshing sound. I jumped off the seat with a yelp, causing me to leak over the floor and myself.
'It was just someone flushing the toilet in the room next door,' I berated myself, trying to dry up the pee that had trickled onto my legs.
My heart continued to pound loudly as I sorted out the floor and then cleaned my teeth. All I wanted to do was get under the bed covers and shut out the world, but I knew that I was just being silly.
I was halfway to the bed when I heard a loud bang and rushed as quickly as I could back to my bed.
"Jayne, Jayne." I dimly heard a voice calling me. I tried to focus and saw Jill and Anna looking over me. It suddenly dawned on me that I was sitting in the corner of the room, hugging Helen's pillow against my raised knees. I started to calm down, wondering how I'd got there.
Another bang. I gave a loud piercing scream. With my friends with me, I didn't lose it completely like last time.
"It's okay," I heard Stacy say. I'd buried my head in Helen's pillow again. It had a slight scent of Helen and it was somewhat comforting. "Jayne, it is just someone letting off fireworks."
"Fireworks, it's just fireworks," I began to chant to myself, trying to calm down.
"Come on Jayne, let's get you to bed," suggested Stacy. "Do you need the loo?"
I shook my head and with her help, climbed into bed.
"You nearly gave me a heart attack when I heard you scream," said Stacy, as she covered me up. "I was just about to open the door when I heard you and I thought someone was attacking you."
"I thought someone was and it turned out to be just some fireworks." I laughed rather shamefully. "Sorry about this."
"With what you've been through tonight, I'm not surprised. I feel a bit jittery too," Stacy admitted.
"I wish Helen was here," I moaned softly as I saw Anna getting into bed with Jill.
"How was your chat with your Dad?" I asked, trying to find another topic to take my mind off the image of the security guard lying in the snow. Perhaps it wasn't the right question, as they both started to cry.
"Sorry," I called, feeling even lower. Julia must have told them the information about the car accident, which had killed Jill's mum.
"Was it the same people that killed Mum that also caused the trouble tonight?" Jill asked with a sniff, as she regained some control.
"We think so," Stacy gently responded.
Jill must have been thinking about what to say as there was a pause. "Then I hope that you find who it is and stop them before someone else dies."
"Is that all?" Stacy queried.
"Okay, part of me would like to see them dead. An eye for an eye, and all that. However, Mum always taught us that revenge wouldn't do any good, just justice."
"Are you sure you aren't thirty?" I queried. When I'd been told about what had happened to Jill's mum and Jessica's dad, my thoughts were less well reasoned than hers.
Sleep wasn't easy because Helen wasn't there. I thought about ringing Helen, but she only had her Beta PDA, which might have given away her location. Have I become so conditioned in five months that I have trouble sleeping if she isn't there? I don't think I was the only one. I heard Stacy tossing in the bunk above.
"Stacy, are you okay?" I murmured over the sound of Anna snoring.
"Just a bit restless. I miss Brenda."
"Snap."
"You're missing sleeping in the same bed as Brenda?" Stacy said, her head appearing over the side of the top bunk.
"No," I laughed, once I saw how my answer could have been misinterpreted. Realising I was a bit loud, I continued in a quieter voice. "No, I'm missing Helen."
"Thank goodness for that. I was going to have words with her. Seventeen is much too old for you."
Stacy's bit of humour helped calm me down and I managed to drift off to sleep. It was a shame that it wasn't a nice sleep. In the middle of the night, my dream turned ugly and I woke to find myself sitting up, surrounded by Stacy, Jill and Anna.
"Gah, sorry," I uttered, trying to lie down to calm my racing heart. When I couldn't, I discovered I was being firmly held by Stacy.
"You have quite a fast pulse," commented Stacy. I looked down and saw she was holding two fingers to my wrist, yet I was still being firmly held. Perhaps she was also a contortionist. When I'd calmed down, Stacy gently lowered me so I was lying down. "Do you want to talk about it with Rachel, or if she isn't back, one of the other staff?"
"I'm okay now. Sorry I disturbed all of you." I didn't feel well, but I didn't want to get anybody else out of bed.
"You have one heck of a scream for me to wake up," said Jill. "Now I'm used to Anna's snoring, I sleep through most things."
"Hey, I don't snore," protested Anna.
"Why don't you two go back to bed," suggested Stacy. "I'll be a surrogate Helen."
"A what?" My overly stressed mind failed to comprehend what Stacy meant.
"If you budge over, I'm going to climb in next to you. I don't want any hanky panky, as I'd only have to tell Brenda."
I moved back and Stacy climbed in next to me. Leaning up, I was able to see that Jill and Anna were in bed, so I pressed the bedside light switch to turn off the lights. The room was again shrouded in darkness.
"Do you snuggle up to Helen?" Stacy eventually whispered. I'd been trying to lie as far from Stacy as possible. I'd never slept in the same bed as anybody but Helen and it all seemed a bit surreal.
"Yes."
"Then snuggle."
"But, what about-" I didn't want to say what I feared.
"Stop worrying. I don't bite. You aren't being unfaithful to Helen, as you're just holding onto someone to get and give comfort. What we both went through wasn't nice."
Wasn't nice? That's the understatement of the century. The stillness of the air was soon replaced by Anna's now familiar snoring.
I awoke to a small wiggle from Stacy, and I saw that it was light outside. I realised my hand was cupped in an area it shouldn't have been and quickly snatched it away.
"Sorry," I murmured.
Stacy turned round so she was facing me. "It wasn't intentional and your hand was under the duvet, so Anna and Jill wouldn't have noticed it. How do you feel?"
"I thought you'd worked that one out already," I joked, bringing my hand up from under the duvet.
Stacy smiled, and looked at me in a meaningful way.
"I'm not sure. I feel less tired. In some ways it all seems a bit of a nightmare. How about you?"
"I was worried about having a nightmare, so had been keeping myself awake," admitted Stacy. "Having you next to me, helped. I've had more training than you and I still found last night hard. I don't think anything can prepare you for someone firing a gun at you."
"It was also the way you were so calm about the explosives."
"Probably because I knew they were weak and just designed to cause a loud bang without doing much damage. That, and I knew how many there were. In retrospect, I should have told you and Christopher what to expect. You might have some internal turmoil now, but while we were out, you kept your head."
"Not afterwards. When I came in here and I was on my own, I thought I was going nuts. Every sound I heard, I thought someone was after me."
"That's why we have Rachel. We should talk to her if we have these issues. If you were worried about being alone, why didn't you say?"
"Because you were doing your medical stuff," I murmured, even quieter than we'd been.
"I'm sorry if I pushed you away last night."
"I thought Anna and Jill would have been back before me. When do you have to do your medical stuff again?"
"This morning, though I can do it after breakfast. I don't want to leave and have you get anxious again. If you need to, then come with me."
"I don't want to embarrass you. Why don't you go do it now, and then you will be free after breakfast, just in case you're needed? After all, you are the head student. Jill and Anna are here, so I'm not alone."
"I'll go when they wake up."
It was nice to know that people cared. Stacy might be a few years older than me, but she never talked down to me and we seemed to get on really well. She'd probably saved my life by pushing me to the ground, but had refused to talk about it.
"Um, can I ask you a personal question?"
"Sure. I can't say I will answer it, but I probably will."
"How did you know?" I felt my eyes getting moist talking about this hard subject. Stacy saw and held my hand.
"Know what?"
"That you were Stacy."
"I don't really know," she replied seriously. "In some ways I always knew I was a girl. It was quite a shock when I found out everyone thought I was a boy. Especially after I found out what being a boy meant."
"But how do you know that you felt like a girl? I mean, how does it feel to be a girl, or a boy?"
Stacy paused for a second. "I've no idea. I suppose it was because I could relate to what other girls thought or said. I had nothing in common with any of the boys. I found it really hard to accept the physical bits that I had, that other girls didn't. I've got to admit, you have some really strange pillow talk."
"It's some of the stuff I was talking to Andy about the other week. How did Andy cope with you changing sex?"
"By the time we worked out about dropping the study bit, I'd already told him who I was. I suppose he had to put up with a lot, especially once I started to transition and change."
"How do you cope between him being Andy and Brenda?"
"That's easier, because deep down they are the same person. No matter if he's presenting as Brenda or Andy, he has the same big heart, the same silly laugh and the same love of life."
I tried to comprehend what Stacy had said, but it really didn't make any sense to me. Well some of it did. I thought of Christopher and Helen as the same person. But were Jayne and David really the same person? How about Marcus and Stacy? That was a difficult one. I didn't know Stacy before she transitioned. Did Marcus have a different personality before he transitioned? In some respects Jessica was different from Richard, or at least she acted differently. This was all too much to think about now.
"My brain hurts too much now," I said.
"Don't rush it and certainly don't worry about it. You are you."
"Yeah, but I don't know who that is."
One thing I liked about this discussion was that it had taken my mind off last night. Stacy had been very open with me as we discussed things that I found very confusing. I certainly wasn't going to discuss sexuality, as my head would have probably exploded. I wonder if Helen and I could try this one Saturday — chatting while in bed seems to be a lot less threatening.
As Anna and Jill began to stir, I knew our private discussion had to stop. Stacy made a move to get up and I realised that getting up now wouldn't be a good move. "I'll get up in a minute," I said, trying not to let the panic show in my voice.
Stacy smiled, "Andy always wants those extra few minutes too. Will you be okay with Jill and Anna if I go and do my medical stuff?"
"Of course."
"Listen, if you need to come and see me, I'll not turn you away. I don't want you getting upset like last night."
I smiled, "Thanks."
Stacy disappeared, and after a few minutes, I got up and got myself ready. I was a bit worried about my body's reaction to Stacy; it had been similar to when I was with Helen, though not as severe. I just wish I'd had more experience in these types of things. Deciding to try to ring Helen I pulled out my PDA to find her hotels phone number. There was a silent note left on it from Rachel, not to ring Helen, as she had been up late discussing last night's activities. I sighed and pocketed my PDA.
"Sorry I worried you last night," I said to Jill, while Anna took her shower.
"It's okay. I just don't understand why you were on your own. Why didn't you wait with Stacy?"
"She had some things to take care of."
"Oh, of course," said Jill, her eyes full of understanding. "I remember when I lived at home, I once went to see Julia and she was dilating. I don't think she's ever wanted me to get out of the room as quick as she did, and I don't think I could have got out any quicker."
I nodded as if I understood what she was talking about. Dilating? What the heck is that? I would look it up when I was on my own, which due to my issues the previous night, didn't appear to be anytime soon. Jill and Anna didn't leave my side and when we went down for breakfast, others were worried it was some type of suicide prevention thing.
"Look everyone, I'm not suicidal," I said, after a lot of concern was given. "I had a bad night last night, with some really bad dreams. I'm missing Helen a lot, and people are trying to keep my mind off things. For those that don't know, Helen is okay and stayed last night at a different hotel. We will meet up at the airport."
"What happened yesterday?" Emma asked.
I shook my head. "Not now. It wasn't a nice time, but everyone is safe, which is the main thing."
Just as I was finishing breakfast, a lady came to see me. I'd seen her around Hayfield and knew she was from The Manor. What she did there, I hadn't a clue. "Sorry to disturb you. Are you Jayne?"
"Yes," I replied, looking up.
"Can I have a private word for a minute?"
"Sure." I got up and moved to one side.
"Dr Ruiz asked if I'd talk with you and Stacy later. She didn't say why, but she said it would become clear when we talked. Why don't you finish your breakfast and join me in room 315 in about twenty minutes."
"Okay." She left and I went back to my breakfast, wondering what that was all about. "I must be half asleep, but I forgot to ask that lady her name and I have to see her in twenty minutes," I said to Melissa, who was sitting just opposite me. "Do you know her?"
"That’s Edith Covington. She's umm, well, she's well ... she's one of the school's therapists."
"There's more to it than that," I said, noticing the way she hesitated.
"I don't like gossiping, but ... she's also Matilda's mum."
"Ah, thanks. But I doubt the reason she wants to talk to me is about Matilda. I just can't understand why I'm not seeing Rachel. Anyway, I better finish off quickly. I need to pack as we will be off to the airport after my chat."
"Don't worry about that," said Jill. "I'll pack yours. I noticed you did Helen's while I got my shower, and yours was mostly done."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, now sit and finish your breakfast properly!"
At the agreed time, I made my way to room 315. As I approached, I saw Stacy coming from the other direction. Together we knocked on the door and went in.
"Have a seat on the bed," she offered. "Do either of you have any idea why Rachel would ask me to speak with you? She said we should discuss last night."
I looked at Stacy, waiting for her to take the lead. "I suppose things were a bit scary with all the explosions. The news said it was the Chechens."
Stacy and I both whipped out our PDA's as they tinged; it was from Rachel. 'A lady called Edith Covington will be seeing you. Ellen says that Edith can be trusted. She doesn't know, but it is about time she does. She has some skills to help you deal with last night.' We looked at each other and put away out PDA's.
"That was Rachel," Stacy explained.
"Perhaps now you can tell me what happened last night and why would a Hayfield psychiatrist want two of her charges to see me?"
"Do you have a specialist skill, besides being a general therapist?" Stacy countered.
"Yes, I specialised in trauma caused by violence. In particular, trauma as a result of violence where a gun was involved."
"Ah," said Stacy and I together. Things began to make sense.
"I'll let you explain," I said to Stacy. "When I explained what happened to Rachel, she thought I was skipping over things."
Stacy explained about the reason behind the school trip and the Alpha team's job to get the information.
"So how does this involve you?"
Stacy nodded to me and I continued, "We're part of what's called the Beta team. We don't really do anything unless something goes wrong with the Alpha team. We get additional training so that we can join the Alpha teams when we're older. The Alpha teams were trapped last night due to some security that had been recently added. So, after the concert, we went to help get them out."
I suppose this all sounded rather fantastic and I'm not sure if Edith believed us. She just nodded and encouraged me to tell her the rest, which I did.
"It sounds like you had one heck of an evening," Edith said, sounding very unsure about what she'd heard.
"You don't believe us, do you?" said Stacy, getting up.
"It's just that it sounds so ... fanciful. A school as a cover for spies ... I ask you, who would believe such a thing?"
"That’s why it's a great cover," I said, dragging Stacy back to the bed. "Who would believe it? Anyway, I've just had an idea on how to persuade you this is the truth."
I pulled out my PDA and rang a number. "Hi, I'm with a councillor from The Manor. Dr Ruiz asked Stacy and me to discuss what happened last night, but she doesn't believe me. I'm pretty sure she will probably believe you."
I handed over the phone to Edith who took it and said "Hello?"
Edith listened and didn't say anything else. Her face slowly lost its colour and by the end of the call, it was almost white. I don't think she was very happy.
"Sorry," I offered. It wasn't much, but it was all I could say.
"I'm sorry, too," said Edith handing me back my PDA. "I should have believed you." She took a second to get her thoughts together. "Who do you think shot the guard?"
"There were two shots and two guards," said Stacy.
"When I think back, I can only remember one. I remember Christopher and Andy there with their guns out and looking back seeing a guard on the ground, his gun next to him."
"Don't worry about the number of guards for now," Edith said smoothly, stopping us from arguing. "How do you both feel about the shooting? Stacy, why don't you go first? Did the incident play on your mind last night in bed?"
"How did you know?"
"I presume you are the leader of this Beta group, and that perhaps you're afraid of showing that you are human. Tell me, did you have any bad dreams?"
"At first I refused to sleep, as I was frightened I'd get nightmares again. Jayne is aware, as I told her last night. Jayne also knows I still occasionally get nightmares from when I was raped when younger."
"What about you Jayne, any nightmares?"
I shivered, as Edith's prompting reminded me. "I only had one nightmare last night, but it was bad enough to wake everyone in the room."
"Only the one?"
I glanced at Stacy who nodded. "Stacy stayed in our room last night, so she wouldn't be alone. She came down from the top bunk and slept next to me. It helped us both, I think. Earlier in the evening I had a mini breakdown. I was alone in the bedroom and I was uneasy the whole time. When a firework went off it seemed I couldn't cope and cried in a corner. That's how Stacy and the other two I shared with found me. I've not been alone since and I've felt okay."
We discussed our feelings about what happened in several different ways. How we thought about the guns and explosions. When we were finished, Edith seemed quite pleased. After the shock of what we'd told her, she seemed to understand the fright and fears that both of us had.
"All right, I'd like to see you both again tomorrow after breakfast. I will arrange to see Andy and Helen after you. Until I'm up to speed with how they feel, I would like to keep it as pairs." She looked at us both to be sure we understood. "I know that Andy and Helen are both your study partners, but please don't discuss what we talked about until I say. I don't want your comments to colour what they say themselves. And don't worry about hiding from them, as I'll explain it to them when I see them at the airport."
We both reluctantly agreed.
She paused and looked to be struggling how to ask something. "One other thing that is a bit difficult and is highly unofficial; but, how is my daughter involved?"
"Matilda isn't a Beta member," I responded. That prompt helped Stacy understand. She mustn't have been informed that Edith was Matilda's mother. "She wasn't out last night, but I know she did have a hand in making sure we were safely guided."
"The best person to speak with is Kriss," said Stacy. "I only deal with the Hayfield Beta team."
"Thank you. Well, I will see you both tomorrow."
"How do you feel now?" Stacy asked, as we wandered towards our rooms.
"Knackered. You?"
"About the same. I'm going to make sure all the suitcases are ready, so I'll see you later."
I went part of the way with her. Before we had to go different ways, Stacy asked, "Do you want me to go with you to your room?"
"Thanks, but I think I'll be okay."
As she moved away, I hurried to my room only to find that not only had Jill and Anna taken care of packing, but they'd also taken the luggage downstairs, ready to go on the coach. I felt like the walls of the room were closing on me and I ran out of the room, trying to tell myself that I was just being silly. I ran to Stacy's room and banged urgently on her door.
There must have been something on my face that showed my fear as Stacy dragged me into her room. Only then did I see the fear on her face as well. We held each other and the fear we both felt dissipated. "I wondered if you wanted some help with packing," I said, trying not to sob.
Stacy let me go, replying, "Thanks. That would be a great help."
The conversation was light and we ended up discussing her guitar playing. I still had trouble picturing Stacy as a rocker, but what should a rocker look like? I was only able to go by the music videos we often had on in our year room. When we're on the run up to field trips, all communications happen in the language of the country we're going to and that includes the television. I think we were all starved for MTV. Stacy had a good laugh when I mentioned that, and readily agreed.
"I feel a bit of an idiot now," I said, as we zipped up the last cases; everything packed. "I should have just gone down to reception and met up with the others."
"I'm glad you came to me. I wasn't as bad as you, but I certainly felt better having your company. I think it is going to take a while for us to get over this. Besides, I don't think most of the others would understand."
"Oh, just what I want, lots of chats with Rachel," I replied sarcastically.
"Are you having trouble talking with her?"
"No, not really." I tried to find the words to mask how I felt, but couldn't. "I find her really easy to talk to, but she sometimes asks me things which I don't want to answer."
"What do you mean?"
"She asks me things that I don't want to think about. Sometimes I like to bury issues and not think about them. I know that isn't good for me in the long run, and I should deal with things. It just sometimes I feel that I might lose myself."
"Like what you talked about with Andy?"
"Yeah, I suppose," I said, looking surprised.
"No secrets between partners," Stacy reminded me.
"Whoever came up with that rule should be shot." I winced when I said that. Over the last day I'd learnt that there was a big difference between shooting on a range and what happened last night.
"Yeah, along with the person who came up with the 'not seeing family' rule, too," agreed Stacy. "Let's get these cases downstairs. It's time we went home."
In reception, we found we were among the last to arrive. "May I have your attention," requested Mr Moore when everyone was accounted for. "Before we get on the coaches, I have a quick update for everyone. This evening, there will be two special meetings. Please check your PDA's when we get back to England."
The trip to the airport was problem free. There were police everywhere, but the military seemed to have disappeared. As we neared the airport I got more excited, in a few minutes I would be with Helen. Indeed, when we drew up at the drop-off point, there waiting for us were the four missing students, Dr Ruiz, and Dr Hansen.
I couldn't wait to get off the coach and was glad I wasn't near the back. Helen mustn't have known which coach I was on, and kept glancing to see if she could spot me. I thought about sneaking up to her, but then remembered what we'd been through and didn't think it wise. I waved and it attracted her attention. By the time I'd made my way to the front of the coach, she was there waiting.
I don't think my feet touched the ground, as Helen scooped me up into her arms. We looked fondly at each other and our lips gently came together.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 46
After the issues surrounding the Russian trip, will there be any more concerts abroad?
Thankfully, the trip back to Hayfield was uneventful. Whoever was behind the leak had probably resigned themselves to the fact that the information had been sent elsewhere electronically and there was no point in further exposure. The bad news was there was definitely a leak. If they didn't know of the Beta team before, they probably did now. If they'd known about the Betas, why hadn't the word spread?
Because we were flying west, we arrived only an hour after setting off, which I thought was quite spooky, but I hadn't done any long distance flying before. The school took care of the luggage, so once we'd passed through passport control, we boarded the waiting coaches.
I'd never been so glad to see the gates of Hayfield as when they swung open majestically upon our arrival. This had been one very unusual, and very stress filled field trip. The time before the concert had been educational, with a smattering of fun. I'd never known anything like the euphoria of the actual concert. Finally, there had been the terror of the rescue, but it was also tinged with the satisfaction that I'd helped.
Checking in the travel PDA's was as fun as it normally was. A few cracked jokes as they waited, but we were all used to the chore and everyone in our year room was patient. The television and radio were back showing the full range of channels and were blaring out some great tunes. It felt good to be back to normal.
"Why don't we all meet back here in a little bit," Helen suggested, as I finished the last PDA. "I know I need a shower."
When we got to our rooms, Helen followed me into my room. This wasn't unusual, my door was the first, and she normally used the interconnecting door to get to her room. Instead of going next door, Helen took my hand and led me to the settee and we tried to make up for the kisses we'd both missed out on.
"I slept with Stacy," I blurted out as we broke for air.
"You WHAT?" shouted Helen, breaking away from me. I thought she would have been pissed, but she seemed more shocked and confused.
I realised she thought we'd got up to more than sleeping. "No, you've misunderstood. She just slept next to me, due to my nightmare. We didn't do anything naughty. Heck, Jill and Anna were in the same room."
"Oh," said Helen, a small impish grin appearing on her face. "So, nothing happened then?"
"Not really."
"Explain!" Helen demanded, the grin disappearing.
"We woke up to find my left hand was-" I broke off and blushed. Helen just burst out laughing.
"Your hand seems to do that a lot to me, too," she continued to laugh.
"So you're not upset?"
"I'm sure it was an accident. I think it's rather funny."
"I hope Andy does, too. So did you also have nightmares?"
"With the amount of therapy we got last night, there wasn't a chance. Also-" Helen blushed. "We slept in the same bed, too."
"Sleep slept, or … " I wiggled my eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
"We were too tired to even think about anything other than sleep, and we didn't wake up to find his hand over my breast."
"I really missed you," I said, pulling Helen back onto my lap.
After a few more minutes of kissing, Helen said, "We better get our showers."
I nodded and as she disappeared I felt a bit apprehensive, but knowing that Helen was only next door kept me from freaking out. I'd thought about inviting her into the shower with me, but knew that unless a suicide alert had been called, this would be breaking one of the main school rules.
Not wanting to be alone led to a quick shower. I debated if Helen would like me as Jayne for the rest of the day, but since she'd not mentioned it, I decided to be dress as David.
I was just finishing getting dressed when Helen opened the interconnecting door. As the door opened I swung round to see her. An almighty scream pieced my ears and I wondered exactly how soundproof the rooms were. As I approached her, she fainted.
This wasn't like the Helen I knew. Without hesitation I pulled out my PDA and pressed the "Emergency" button on the screen. That connected me to Rachel instantly.
"Yes?" came the calm voice of Rachel.
"We'd just been getting changed, and when Helen came in the room she screamed and then fainted and hit her head as she fell. She's still not awake."
"I'm on my way. Please stay with her."
What did she think I was going to do? Leave her lying here while I go down to the common room?
I sat besides Helen, gently stroking her face, murmuring "It'll be okay" over and over. I don't know if I was trying to convince Helen or myself.
Helen started to come round just as Rachel appeared. Dr Sue was hot on Rachel's heels.
"Okay, would you sit behind Helen and support her as she comes round?" suggested Dr Sue.
I did as asked and lifted her up, my arms hugging her.
"Are you okay, Helen?" asked Dr Sue, getting onto her knees to be close to Helen. "You fainted and banged your head."
"I'm okay," Helen replied, sounding puzzled. I think she started to remember what had happened, as her heart rate started going up.
"Take deep breaths," recommended Dr Sue, as she methodically checked Helen. "Breath in slowly through your nose. Hold it for a second, good. Now slowly exhale through your mouth. That's good. Now again, in ... hold ... now exhale. One more time, in ... hold ... now exhale. Excellent."
Helen started to calm down. Her face had been watching Dr Sue and she'd been doing exactly as instructed. "Okay, if you start getting worried, then try that to see if that helps."
"So what's wrong, Helen?" Rachel gently asked.
Helen started deep breathing again. "David," she eventually croaked. "Guard ... dead."
"Let's go next door and have a little chat, shall we?" asked Rachel, helping Helen up. "Keep your eyes closed and take deep breaths. I'll guide you."
I sat where I'd been, worried about Helen and what had happened to set her off. "Are you okay?" Dr Sue asked.
"Not really. I just don't know what's wrong with Helen. I didn't do anything, did I?"
"I presume it was something to do with what happened in Russia."
"How do you mean?" I asked, not knowing how much the good doctor knew.
"The whole school is buzzing in a way I've not seen before. I've seen a few students since they got back, but every time I ask how the trip was, I just get how good the concert was."
I inwardly smiled. As Mr Hobson said the other week, the students here were very intelligent and understood what they knew was another school secret. I wonder how much the others know or thought they know. I guess we'll find out later.
"It wasn't just a great concert, it was wonderful. Both pieces really energised both the choir and the orchestra. Helen was so agitated, why didn't you give her an injection to calm her down?"
"I could have, but sometimes there are other techniques that can help a person better. Without knowing the cause of Helen's issue, it isn't a good idea to chemically sedate her. That might cause more issues than it solves."
Dr Sue stood up as Rachel returned through the interconnecting door and shut it behind her.
"David, I know this is going to be hard on you, but would you mind being Jayne for a bit longer? Seeing you as David brought back the memories of what happened.
Am I destined to live my life as Jayne? I just nodded, half understanding what Rachel was saying. I would have dressed like a cow if it would help Helen through this.
"You know I can't make a proper judgement on how to help if I don't know what's going on," complained Dr Sue.
Rachel sighed and then reluctantly said, "You're right. Christopher shot someone who was about to shoot David. Helen should have finished on the toilet, so I better get back to her. David, when you are changed, come on through."
"How are you coping?" asked Dr Sue, after Rachel had disappeared.
"I feel crap, especially when I'm alone," I said honestly. "But I am talking about it and trying to get sorted. Anyway, would you mind talking about this some other time? I need to get changed so I can be with Helen."
"Don't worry; I won't discuss this with anybody until Dr Ruiz says I can. In the meantime, are there any other students that were involved in the shooting, so I know how to treat them better?"
"Andy and Stacy," I reluctantly confessed. "Marcus was also about to be shot at, and Andy also shot someone."
"Thank you. Look, if you need to talk with someone who doesn't work fulltime for the school, yet knows how to keep things confidential, my door is always open.
With Dr Sue gone, I quickly got changed. It didn't take me long to appear as Jayne. Heck, I'd been dressing as Jayne so much the last few weeks that I think it takes me longer to get presentable as David than Jayne. I sent a message to the school salon and cancelled my hair appointment for later that afternoon.
Tentatively, I opened the door to Helen's room. She was sitting on the settee, Rachel next to her. I mustn't have been quiet enough, as Helen looked up. Her face lit-up for a moment then she burst into tears. I rushed across the room, and thankfully Rachel moved out of the way so I could get as close to Helen as possible.
"Why are you crying?" I said, stroking the smooth skin on her face.
"Because I was silly and now you are back as Jayne."
"It's only clothes," I reassured her. "You need to get over things. All I know is I'm so grateful that you saved my life."
Rachel waited until Helen had sorted herself out before saying, "Tomorrow Jayne, you have an appointment with Edith straight after breakfast. Helen, you will have one just after lunch. In the meantime, if you have any more panics or frights, then I'm at the end of the PDA."
"You aren't going to chat with us for hours now?" I asked, amazed that we were finished so quickly.
Rachel smiled at that, but then in a serious voice said, "No, not now. Yes, you both need to come to terms with what happened. The best way forward is knowing that you are both safe and loved. You'll get that by spending time together and with your year. I only wish we'd been able to get you together last night, then things might not have been so bad."
"What happens with us and the Beta team?" Helen asked Rachel.
"What do you mean?"
"Are we going to be kicked off, because we couldn't handle things?"
"Look, you have had a shock. You were very brave in doing what you did when you weren't ready. Whether you continue or not is mostly up to you, but I'm sure others will have a say too. In some ways I'm quite upset that you were put in that situation, but it happened and now we will deal with it. Why don't you go and see your friends? I'll be around if you need me."
"Thanks, Rachel," I gave her a big hug. "You've been great."
"Thanks, Jayne," she smiled, hoping that Jayne was turning a corner.
As we entered our common room, the conversations stopped and there was silence.
"Are you okay?" asked Jill. I was glad someone spoke so we didn't have to start.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because you're still Jayne," said Anna.
"And Dr Sue and Rachel were seen running to your room," add Jill.
"I'll explain later, but Helen fainted and banged her head very badly." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the complete story. I didn't want to explain more until we've had the chat Mr Moore mentioned.
After everyone who arrived asked the same questions, I decided to send everyone in the year a text message. I hated sounding like a parrot. At least the message was read, as nobody else who arrived later asked and we all had a relaxed afternoon playing games, with the music booming away in the background.
At the evening meal there was a general buzz in the air. We were home after a successful concert and we were now able to relax. Lessons wouldn't start again for another few days. Yet there was something more, there was the anticipation of the discussions that would take place after the meal. Hayfield's was going to take place in the cinema, and The Manor's would take place in the hall.
Even though everyone knew these meetings would be happening, nobody discussed them, just as nobody had discussed the activities that happened during the field trip. It was if everyone knew something, but didn't feel it was right to talk about it. The biggest topic during lunch was when the American students would be going home and how we could stay in touch. This led to rather bizarre conversations ranging from exchanging email addresses, inter-site voice routing and even wondering if we could put up a camera in the common rooms so we could make video calls.
"Good luck," Ruth whispered, as we left the dining room, our stomachs again full.
"And you," I replied.
Jessica sidled up to me as we walked down the stairs towards the cinema. "Jayne, Sam and I have been discussing things and have had an idea. Can we have a private chat with you and Helen?"
"Sure. Let's see how tonight goes and then we will discuss things either later tonight, or if it isn't an emergency, can it wait until tomorrow?"
"Yes, though I don't think tonight will be as big an issue as you are worried about."
I hoped Jessica was right. The confectionary room was closed, so we went straight into the cinema and took our usual seats. It didn't take long for everyone in Hayfield to arrive and the doors to be closed. The only people there who weren't students were Rachel and Mr Hobson.
Mr Hobson positioned himself at the front. "Well, this is a chat that I'd hoped never to give. However, in light of the events in Moscow, and some that occurred beforehand, it is something I feel needs to happen."
Following a pause as he glanced around, Mr Hobson continued, "As you are aware, Mr Moore is hosting a meeting with his school, and will be covering similar topics. Hopefully we will be giving the same information. Some of the information I'm outlining tonight you might have guessed, some you might have misunderstood, and some you probably aren't aware of. It is very important that you fully understand what I say, so if you have any questions then please ask. If you're too nervous to ask, then get your year leader to do so on your behalf.
"As you are all aware, the school was formed to give an environment free from discrimination and pressure. Children who were failing in the standard school environment, but showed a better potential were offered places at the school. Some fit into the LGBT arena, others do not, but have other issues that kept them from succeeding or reaching their maximum potential. It was found that a lot of the students were musically minded, and we encouraged that as a group activity. As the orchestra's standard increased, we started performing concerts abroad.
"As this was happening, certain incidents were occurring where we were visiting. These by themselves were quite innocuous, but taken with other things, were quite concerning. I'm not going to get into the conversations that followed, but from that point, several people tagged along as helpers. While we were having the concerts, they would retrieve certain bits of information. This information was then passed on to relevant governments, or used to persuade the offending parties that information was known, to get them to sort things out themselves. Sometimes it wasn't governments that were the concern, but companies or other organisations. By doing this, it has prevented wars, deaths and other conflicts."
Tim from year three raised his hand, "Does this put the school at risk?"
There were some mutterings, but Mr Hobson quickly said, "This is a good question and very relevant. If you don't mind, I will answer it fully in a minute, as I need to cover some more ground first."
"About eight years ago, one of the students at the school noticed the activities and approached me to ask if they could do anything to help. I was reluctant, because I didn't want to spoil the innocence of the students. She approached one of the other people who tagged along and suggested the same idea. To say the least, I wasn't happy."
"Anyway, the upshot was that I, along with Kate, Rachel's predecessor, eventually agreed, as long as she didn't get involved with these activities while in school. I had no issues in helping her concentrate on getting more knowledge which would help in her chosen career. Rather quickly, this became more formal, and what we now refer to as the Beta team was created. These are normal students, but they get some special training to help them if they wish to pursue such a career. At any time there are six Betas in this school, and they will only train in case of need. The only reason they would use their new skills while at school would be if something happened to the Alpha team, as the people who tagged along became called, while we were on a trip. This seemed a safe system, the school was helping the students in a safe environment, and the extra activities that occurred while abroad didn't cause any impact, but hopefully made things safer for everyone when you left school."
Mr Hobson took a sip of water and looked around to gauge our reaction. So far we'd all be pretty quiet.
"For many years, things worked well. The first sign that something was wrong was when the wife and eldest daughter of a member of the Alpha team were killed. At the time, it seemed just like an accident. The next two incidents happened this school year, and both involve someone from MI6. At the concert just before the trip to France, a member of the Beta team saw someone planting a covert listening device, or bug, at the school."
"Last month, the same person was seen entering the building where information was stored regarding Russia. A leak at the school was suspected and with two other events occurring, it certainly looked like it. However, none of these leaks hurt the school or students, so the trip to Russia took place as planned. I want to be completely clear that if there had seemed likely to be any risk to you, then the trip would have been cancelled.
"In Russia, it appears that the Alpha teams were expected at the two targets they were after. Due to extra security that had been installed, the Alpha teams were trapped. As a result, the Beta teams were activated and went out to cause some diversions, which we hoped would allow the Alpha teams to get out. This is a rather simplified version of events or we would be here all evening. So for Tim's question; yes, the Beta teams were in danger while they were out. The rest of the school might have been in trouble if one of the Beta's had been caught. Tim, does that answer your question?"
There was some mumbling where year-three were sitting, before Tim replied, "Yes, thank you."
"Excellent. The current situation is that we still have no idea who the leak is. We have ruled out the students, and all the information we have indicates it is a member of staff at this school. We aren't sure if they knew about the Beta team or know its makeup, though they certainly seemed to know about the Alpha team. So, I'm going to ask something very unusual. If you have any questions regarding this, please only discuss it with your year leader, with Dr Ruiz, or myself."
There were a few gasps, but most seemed to understand why, and I'm sure the rest would quickly cotton on.
"Now, I have a question for you. We have one final field trip this school year, to play in Tehran. Do you still want to go ahead with the trip? If so, do you mind the Alpha team still doing what they've done? These are two very big questions, and I would be grateful if you could vote on this tomorrow morning. I'll open up a secure vote on the system, which will be open between eight and half-eight. The details of how you vote will not be stored. Susan, you have a question?"
"I know you don't want to, but can you tell us why Iran, and what information you are trying to get? It would help us weigh the dangers you've described against the aims. "
"You're right on both counts," agreed Mr Hobson. "I don't want to discuss it, but it would give you a more complete picture." He paused, trying to decide how much to tell us. "We are trying to avert a war. A bit of background, Iran signed something called the Non-Proliferation Treaty, which tries to stop the spread of nuclear weapons. Some countries are saying that Iran can't be trusted, and is trying to develop nuclear weapons. Iran maintains that it isn't, and is just trying to develop the technology to build a nuclear power station. A power station is allowed under the treaty. We have been following a paper trail, which has led us to the Iran trip. Is that enough?"
"No, not really. What would happen if we didn't go?"
"Hopefully, nothing. One of the most likely outcomes would be one of the other schools would go instead, but that would probably delay things for a few extra months. As, we already have the invitation and are going with our orchestra, we are the best placed to be unobtrusive."
"Thanks."
"Ryan?"
"Since there are other schools involved, I take it the Alpha teams aren't part of the government?"
"Correct, they aren't part of the government. This is a group that works across nations, though where appropriate, it does assist them. Daniel?"
"I think most of us know who the Beta team is, but could you confirm so that there is no ambiguity?"
I wondered what Mr Hobson would do with that one. He certainly didn't answer straight away. I glanced across and saw that Stacy was giving small nods.
"I can't make that choice," eventually said Mr Hobson. "That is up to each individual member."
"Do you want to?" I murmured to Helen.
"No, but I think we should."
Stacy and Andy rose first, with Helen and I quickly following. I began to wonder if Ingrid and Fran would join us, when Ingrid stood and Fran, seemingly reluctantly, slowly joined her partner on her feet.
Stacy spoke, her voice slightly shaky, "I think I'm speaking for the entire Beta team, I would like to thank you for the support you gave us last night. I know a number of you were asked to provide assistance without being told why, and unquestionably did your stuff. Without you, I don't think we could have managed. Thank you."
The six of us sat down. I was relieved to be out of the spotlight, but I knew it would lead to more questions later.
"Okay, I don't see any more raised hands. If you do have any questions, or think of some later, then please either speak to me, Dr Ruiz or your year leader. Hopefully you will all give the questions all the thought they deserve and vote with your conscience. Only you can decide. Over the years, I've seen you all develop far more than anybody outside this school ever thought possible. This is what school should be about, and every night I go to bed with my heart glowing with pride. The last two days have been the total opposite. Students have been in danger and could have been killed. This goes against everything the school stands for. However, when I see how you all have been over this time, all I can say is how proud I am to know you all."
As we walked back to the common-room, my mind was swirling with thoughts. It seemed a lot of pressure to ask us if we still wanted to go to Iran and if so, have the Alpha team with us. On the other hand, it only seemed fair, as we potentially were being put into danger. Also, would I still be a Beta member when we went to Iran?
It looked like we'd got back just after The Manor had. There was none of the joking or laughing that had occurred during our previous get togethers.
"Well?" Melissa said. "How did your chat go?"
"We have to vote in the morning, to see if we still go to Iran."
"I know. It seems we are the first choice for the backup school. There is less risk, because we don't have the leak, but we haven't been practicing the language like you have. We're also scheduled to hold a concert somewhere else, although we haven't been told where."
We all chatted about things, and found that similar questions had been asked, including who was on the Beta team. After what had happened in Russia, it wasn't a surprise to anybody in the year that Ruth, Michelle, Helen and I were Beta members, though some of the members in both schools were a surprise to some.
"So what exactly happened in Russia?" asked Wesley.
Helen started shaking and I dragged her close. "Would it help if you went for a walk with Ruth or Michelle?" I whispered, after she dragged herself onto my knees.
"At least they wouldn't keep wondering," she responded, as I stroked her cheek.
"Okay," I said to everyone in the room. "I'll explain, but Helen is finding certain parts very hard to talk about." I turned to Ruth and Michelle, "Would one of you go for a wander with Helen?"
"I'll do it," said Michelle jumping up. "Ruth is much better at explaining what happened from our point of view."
"Actually, why don't you go see Edith now, instead of tomorrow? She might be able to help you some." At Helen's blank look, I said, "It is her specialty."
"Okay," Helen responded doubtfully.
Once Helen and Michelle had closed the door, I said, "Ruth and I went to different buildings. Ruth, why don't you go first and then I'll explain what happened to us."
"Actually, it seems we had the tougher assignment. We had a fairly simple diversion planed that would have simply set off a bunch of alarms. However, a search team had just turned up, so the Manor's Alpha team couldn't get out. Hayfield caused a wider diversion, which caused the search team to leave, and the Alpha team was able to get out. As we went back to the hotel, we nearly got caught in a military roadblock. Skip and Ed diverted them, and we got back to the hotel safely, but they got trapped in a square. Andy and Christopher were able to get them out."
I then explained about what happened, including the shooting of the guards and the explosions. "Remember earlier, when Rachel and Dr Sue went to our room? When Helen saw me back as David, it seems to have reminded her of the shooting. Until she gets over things, I'll be staying as Jayne."
"Are you okay?" asked Emma.
"Not really, just not reacting the same way Helen is. I don't do very well if I'm alone. Twice when I was alone in the hotel in Moscow I got very scared. I've not really been alone since, apart from when I had a shower, but I knew that Helen was next door. I might be okay here at school, because I know it's safe. I'm talking about it with Rachel, and also Edith Covington from the Manor; she specialises in trauma cases."
"Do you still want to be in the Beta team?" asked Wesley, shocked at what I'd told them.
"Yes. Just knowing that I might be able to make a difference in the world and helping others is enough. I just wish you lot didn't know about it."
"Why?"
"Because it's so embarrassing and because I'm suffering a bit because of it. I don't want to give you the wrong impression. Nobody forced me to be in the Beta team. Nobody forced me to go out yesterday. In fact, Mr Hobson was horrified that Helen and I were going out, because he thought we were too young and we'd not had the same level of training as the others."
"So it wasn't like a James Bond film then?" said Lewis. At the puzzled looks, he continued, "You know, fancy flash cars, sexy women, baddies with bad puns etc."
That produced a few laughs. "No, it was cold snow, biting wind, and sleeping without Helen."
"You did get to sleep with Stacy though," said Jill. There was a gasp in the room, and Anna promptly elbowed Jill in the ribs.
"When I had a nightmare, she joined me in the same bed. Nothing happened." I felt a pang of disappointment, and quickly buried it. It mustn't have carried into my voice, as nobody said anything.
Michelle came back without Helen. She looked at me, "Helen is talking to Edith now. I offered to stay as company, but Edith said it would be best if it were just the two of them. She said she'd call you when they're finished."
"Have you finished interrogating us?" Ruth asked, as Michelle sat next to her.
Nobody said they hadn't, so I presumed they had. "I hope you can understand why I didn't say anything," I said, mainly to the Hayfield people.
"Yes. We knew you were up to something, but hadn't realised you were as involved as you are."
"Can we join?" Anna suddenly blurted out.
"In a way, you already have," Michelle said. "You each have different skills, and from what I saw you're all willing to help when those skills are needed. Only a few were needed this time, but we'll be at these schools for the next five years, and who knows what could happen over that time."
"If we don't go to Iran, what will happen about the leak?"
"It depends. At the moment, we have no clue to who it is. Without more leaks, it will be hard to track them down. Over the last few months there have been clues, but it hasn't shortened the list by much."
"Oh, it sounds a bit like the first Harry Potter book," said Martha, getting excited. "Remember where they were trying to find out who was after the stone? We are trying to find the leak."
"Yes, but we won't be here," sighed Erika. "We'll be back at the Manor."
"Oh, yeah," sighed Aaron. "They told us when we're going home. We leave on Friday."
At that announcement the room turned silent. We'd been together a month, but it seemed much longer. We all knew they would eventually go home, but Friday seemed too soon.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 47
Will Hayfield's next trip happen?
Monday 2nd January 2006
Melissa broke the unhappy silence blanketing the room. "We'll still be together for three days. Let's make the most of it."
"How about a sleepover on Thursday night?" I suggested, trying to cheer people up.
My idea was met by silence and I began to worry that I'd said something wrong, when suddenly there was a big "That's brilliant," from Elaine. The room erupted with excited chatter. As I glanced around, I spotted that most of the boys were very quiet.
"Did I say something wrong?" I quietly asked Lewis, who was sitting nearby. Before I'd mentioned the word 'sleepover' he'd been fine, but now he looked like he was trying desperately to control his emotions, and was shaking slightly.
"I was forced to go to some before I transitioned."
The excitement plummeted as soon as they realised someone wasn't happy.
"Sorry," I said, feeling a bit bad. "A few years ago I'd heard some mention of one at school. I thought I'd not been invited because I wasn't part of the in-crowd. I take it a sleepover is a girl thing?"
There were a lot of nods at that. Oh boy, what had I just got myself into?
"Why does a slumber party have to be a girl thing?" Phil asked. "This isn't about being boys or girls, it's about all of us spending our last few hours together before we go home. So, it doesn't have to be makeup and trying on clothes. We could have some silly games, crazy competitions and lots of fun."
"No mud-wrestling though," said Carolyn.
That produced a lot of sniggers from year-D, but they refused to elaborate.
I'd no idea if it was possible to have a sleepover. It had been a tight squeeze when we all slept together after my attempted suicide, but that hadn't been a fun time. The plans being discussed sounded great, but I thought I better check to see if it was possible, so I sent a message to Rachel.
"Are you looking forward to going home?" asked Sam. That got a lot of mixed responses, all at the same time.
"I've had fun here, like a vacation, even though we did have to do some studying" said Melissa slowly, trying to find her way through her feelings. "It's been good and lots of fun, but there is no place like home. We've lived at Immigration Manor for over three years and it's become home."
"I'm going to miss it here in England," said Erika. "I'd grown quite fond of living here, and then Dad's job took us back to America. I'd just started getting used to America and we ended up coming back to England."
My PDA chimed, with Rachel's response. I scanned through it, and smiled. "According to Rachel, sleeping bags will be available, as will snack food and drinks.
A big cheer nearly raised the roof, and it also included the boys. The rest of the evening was spent planning our special night and it didn't seem long before Edith rang to say that Helen was ready.
"I'm just getting Helen," I said heading towards the door.
"Do you want company?" Jill asked, getting up.
Wow, these are great friends. "Thanks Jill, but I want to see if I can do it myself. I'll ring if I feel bad."
When I got to the top of the stairs, my heart was pounding faster. I felt uneasy, but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as back in Moscow. I stopped, took some slow deep breaths, and managed to walk on.
"Nobody came with you?" asked Helen, when I got to Edith's temporary office. She'd poked her head outside the door and looked both ways.
"No. I wanted to see if I could manage by myself."
"How did you do?" asked Edith, joining us at the door.
"Better than in Moscow, but I'm not myself. I managed though, without running here in a panic."
"Don't be ashamed to ask for help," said Edith.
"Jill did offer, but I wanted to see if I could do it myself."
"Jayne, it's great you are trying, but don't be ashamed to accept offered help. I'll see you tomorrow after breakfast," Edith reminded me.
"So how did it go?" I asked Helen as we set off back.
"Strange. It seems the two guards weren't dead, but had just been injured."
"Really?"
"Yes, the information came in while we chatted. It made me feel a bit better, but still doesn't stop me thinking I could have killed someone."
I decided to change the subject a bit and informed Helen about the date for Immigration Manor to go home.
"We've got to do something special the night before," she said, frowning in thought.
"I had a similar thought, and suggested a sleepover."
"You suggested what?!" Helen laughed out loud.
It is great to see Helen laughing again.
When she'd calmed down a bit, she eventually managed to say, "I bet that went well with the boys."
"Not at first. I'm sure Lewis was shaking with fear. Anyway, we've decided to make it more of a Hayfield style event, so it can be enjoyed by all. Rachel said she will supply sleeping bags and snacks."
"You have been busy, but what made you suggest a sleepover?"
"I don't know. I remember a few years ago, when you were invited to one and when I saw you on the following Monday, it was all you could talk about. I always thought that I hadn't been invited because nobody liked me. I didn't know until today that it was a girl's thing."
We stopped and Helen let go of my hand as she pulled me towards her. "I'm sorry, I didn't know, though now I know you better, I quite can see why you thought that. Would you have liked to have gone to that sleepover?"
"At the time, yes, because I didn't understand. Now, I don't know. It would have certainly increased the beatings I suffered. I'm not sure what your friends would have said either."
"We're together now, and we'll have an even better sleepover, where you won't get beaten for going, or enjoying yourself."
As we opened the door to the common room, we heard the excited chatter. They were still discussing the sleepover. It sounded like they were sorting out rules for a twister competition. What did I start?
"Are you okay?" asked Melissa when she heard the door. Everyone had stopped what they were doing and looked eager for the answer. It looked like they'd chatted about things and weren't crowding us, which is what normally happens.
"We're fine. Now, did we hear something about a twister competition?"
Not surprisingly, we all started to get tired earlier than normal. It had been a long day, even for those that had managed to get some sleep on the plane or on the coach.
"I think I'm going to bed," Helen announced just before nine. "I'm knackered."
I think everyone had been waiting for someone else to suggest the idea, as everyone was quickly clearing away. Five minutes later, the common room was deserted.
Helen and I had just got into my room when there was a knock on my door. My heart sank and Helen didn't look any happier. All we wanted to do was get into bed and catch up on some of the sleep we'd missed.
I forced myself to smile and went to answer the door, opening it to find Jessica and Sam.
"I know it's late, but can we come in?"
"Sure," said Helen, whom I'd not heard come up. She was radiating a nice warm smile. "Sorry about the mess."
"It's better than ours," admitted Sam. "And last time you visited our rooms, you were certainly not expected."
I smiled at that, though at the time, nobody laughed. I rubbed my nose, in memory of Jessica bashing the door on my face. They took the settee and we grabbed two chairs. "So, what's up?"
They both seemed reluctant to speak, and subtly tried to prompt each other. Sam eventually said, "Jessica had this idea which she wanted to tell you."
Jessica glared at Sam, but gave in. "Do you know if they do school exchanges?"
"You want to go to The Manor?" I hope I didn't sound too surprised.
"They are able to help me better," said Sam. "They have a therapist that understands my issue better than the ones here."
"To some at Hayfield, I'm just Wendy's little sister," added Jessica. "Also, I'm too easily influenced by her. Besides, I like to travel."
"So this is something you both want?" Helen asked.
They both nodded.
"Have you talked with Tracy or Dan about it?"
"No, we were too worried what they would say," Jessica replied.
"Erika mentioned earlier that when she moved back to America, she really missed England. I wonder if she would like to swap," Sam said, explaining more of an obviously earlier chat with Jessica.
"Someone once said to me, 'To succeed, do it now'." Helen fished out her PDA. "Sorry for ringing this late, but we have an issue which you might be able to help with." Helen paused. "Oh, that's interesting. Do you want to come across and discuss it now? ... We're in Jayne's room. See you in a few then."
"So?" I asked. Poor Sam and Jessica were sitting on the edge of the settee, eager to know what was happening.
Helen didn't give anything away. "We have four guests coming. Will you all give me a hand moving my settee and some chairs from my room into here?"
We were still dragging in the settee when there was a knock on my door. I rushed across and let in Melissa, Jamie, Martha and Erika. Jamie saw what was happening and jumped across the room to help. With the extra hands, we were all soon sorted and seated.
Jamie started. "It seems we've both been asked similar questions. Martha and Erika came to us a few minutes ago, asking if there was such a thing as a student exchange. From Helen's call, I guess that Jessica and Sam have asked the same thing? Mel and I understand the reasons why Erika and Martha want to swap schools and agreed to talk to Mr Moore as long as you two are okay with it."
"If you're okay to have Sam and Jessica, then we would be happy to have Martha and Erika," Helen said.
There was a lot of excitement after that. I'd been a bit worried about Martha, but she seemed equally happy to move.
"There is one final hoop. No matter how happy with the idea we are, we need to ask Mr Hobson and Mr Moore. They might not be happy with us plotting all of this. I'm sure they will want to discuss it with your support people, too."
I checked the time. It was still within curfew, so I pulled out my PDA hoping I wasn't disturbing Mr Hobson by ringing at this time. "What did you say, Helen? Do it now?"
"Hi, Jayne," Mr Hobson answered his phone.
"Sorry to disturb you this late. Is now okay to talk?"
"Of course, what can I do for you?"
"If Mr Moore is also available, would it be okay if Melissa, James, Helen and I come and chat with both of you?"
"I'm available now. I'll check if Mr Moore is available, and if so, he'll join us."
When I'd ended the call, I said to the others, "I suggested just the year leaders, so it wouldn't be too much of a squeeze. Mr Hobson would like to see us now and hopefully Mr Moore will be there. Since we probably won't get an answer tonight, why don't the rest of you go to bed?"
"If you do find out, you will let us know right away?" asked Martha eagerly. I'd never seen her like this before. The other three were nodding in agreement.
"Would a message do?" Mel said. "Then if you're asleep it won't disturb you."
With that agreed, we all left, leaving the extra settees and chairs in my room.
When we got to Mr Hobson's office, there was no need to knock, as his door was wide open. However, there was no sign of Mr Moore.
"Have a seat," Mr Hobson said, ushering us in. "Mr Moore isn't able to make this chat, but don't worry, I'll update him."
I think we all breathed a sigh of relief, as we wouldn't have to repeat ourselves.
"Before we get going, I wanted to thank you all for your levelheadedness over the last few days. Field trips are always challenging, but this one was even more so."
I shrugged my shoulders, not knowing what else to say. The others must have felt the same as they did the same.
Since I'd called Mr Hobson, I thought I better be the one to explain, "We were wondering if there is an exchange program between the two schools? I mean, is there a way of students swapping between schools if they want?"
The ends of Mr Hobson's mouth twitched a bit, as if he was trying to suppress a smile. "Is this for you four? You want to swap schools?"
"No, Jessica and Sam came to see me and Helen. Erika and Martha saw Melissa and James. As year heads we chatted about it, but thought it was best to talk to you, as it would be you who would either agree or not."
"Very true," agreed Mr Hobson. "Do any of you have any objections?"
We all shook our heads.
"Excellent. Their support staff doesn't either, so consider it done."
"You knew about this already?" Helen asked in surprise.
"We suspected something like this might happen. However, we weren't going to say anything until we were approached."
"Is Mr Moore okay with this?" asked Mel.
"Sorry?"
"I mean, with Erika moving to Hayfield."
"It will be easier for Erika. Mr Moore knew it was hard for her going back to America. He was the one who first mentioned that she might want to stay. Since he has a personal interest in the subject, he requested that he only be brought in if this wasn't what you wanted to discuss."
"Is he okay?" Mel asked. It was a slightly different meaning than before. There was a tinge of concern in her voice and I realised what she was asking. This wasn't like when the children start school and the parents have no idea. Mr Moore would be painfully aware that instead of having the privilege of seeing his daughter for the next few years, he now only had a few days.
"It is hard on him, though he knew what would happen when Erika was offered a place at Immigration Manor." Mr Hobson paused, and we waited patiently for him to continue. "I thank you for your concern, but I think it would be best for you not to pursue this point further. It would also be best for you not to remind Erika of this either, though from what I've seen, she will understand the implication tomorrow when her euphoria has diminished. I will announce the exchange tomorrow at breakfast. The official change in their status will occur on Friday morning. Is that okay?"
We all nodded, dazed at how quickly things were sorted. Helen and Michelle sent the text messages advising them it was all agreed. Since there was nothing else to discuss with Mr Hobson, we were soon back in our rooms and fast asleep.
* * *
Tuesday 3rd January 2006
"Hello," I said sleepily as I answered my ringing PDA. It was starting to sound insistent.
"Are you thinking of joining us for breakfast?" enquired Jill.
When I saw the time, I jumped out of bed. "We'll be down in a few minutes."
"Helen, wake up!"
"Let me sleep," she moaned, turning over.
"Breakfast is in fifteen minutes."
What Helen said can't be repeated, but she was straight out of bed and into her shower. I don't think I'd ever seen Helen shower and dress as quickly as she did. We made it downstairs just as the rest of the year was about to leave the common room.
"What kept you?" laughed Jill.
"We slept through the alarm," I panted. I hope we'd calmed down so it didn't get noticed we'd been running inside the school. I'm not sure which punishment would be worse, late for breakfast or running in the school.
"Ah, you're here," said Mel. "We were waiting for you before we mentioned last night."
"Okay everyone," I called. "A reminder for all from Hayfield, if you haven't voted there is only five minutes left. We also have two important updates. The first update is that Martha and Erika asked if they can join Hayfield Hall, which Mr Hobson approved."
There was a sudden noise as everyone started talking about it.
"The other update," started Jamie, which calmed everyone down, "is that Sam and Jessica requested joining Immigration Manor, which Mr Moore approved."
The chatter started again, which was only broken by Lewis reminding us that it was breakfast time. We weren't the last ones into the dining room, which was a relief. As usual, year-B was the last to arrive.
"I have a few announcements," said Mr Hobson, standing up. "As you have probably all heard, our guests go home on Friday. As a result, lessons will resume later that morning. Seeing our friends from Immigration Manor leave will be a very sad, but as they say, all good things must come to an end."
He paused and looked around at the faces looking at him. "No, that isn't quite right; four students have asked to take part in a revolutionary school exchange. I am pleased to announce that from Friday, Martha and Erika will be joining Hayfield Hall, while Jessica, along with Sam, will be leaving for Immigration Manor. This exchange will last a year, at which time it will be reviewed. If everybody is happy, then it will last longer. One final bit of news, Edith Covington will be staying at Hayfield for a few extra weeks. Any questions? ... Yes Stacy?"
"Do you have the vote result?"
"Yes, the results will be given to year leaders after breakfast. You'll then have time to talk about it in a more comfortable setting. Anything more? No? Then enjoy your breakfast."
With Edith being here a few extra weeks, I knew that our issues weren't going to be over quickly, but it was nice that she'll be here for us.
Over breakfast there was a lot of excited chatter. Immigration Manor students were telling Sam and Jessica all about the school, its grounds and what facilities it had. The hot tub sounded great. The official change of school might not happen until Friday morning, but as the breakfast drew to a close, it was as if it had already happened.
With breakfast finished, we prepared to go back to the common room. No results had yet appeared Helen's PDA or mine. As we were getting up, Andy came across and handed Helen an envelope. When she saw Andy, Helen gave a small yelp, but quickly calmed down. I was relieved that it wasn't a more serious reaction, like she had with me yesterday.
"I'm sorry," said Andy, looking mortified.
"I'm okay," Helen reassured him after taking some slow breaths. "A small flashback, but Edith said they should fade."
"Why are you seeing Edith and not Rachel?" queried Paula.
"Because Edith specialises in gun related trauma."
"Ah, so that's why Edith is staying longer," said Phil. "I hope you get better quickly, because we're all going to miss her at The Manor."
That got a friendly punch in the arm and a few laughs.
"Watch out if you're naughty, though. She can be one firm 'mother' then," Phil continued, obviously speaking from experience.
"Not violent or anything?" Helen queried, sounding alarmed.
"Duh, don't be silly. I don't think she has a violent bone in her body. It's just the look of total disappointment that gets me the most. But when you need help, she's always there and when something goes really well, there isn't a better person. I remember when I passed Algebra she was so proud of me."
There were lots of nods from others from Immigration Manor, like they understood what Phil was talking about. Perhaps the longer we spend at the school, the better we will get on with the staff.
"You think of them like your parents?" Helen asked.
"No, it's not like that at all," joined in Wesley. "They'll never replace our families. It's more like an extension. I suppose they seem more like foster parents. They might not have given birth to us, but it doesn't stop them from caring about us, or trying to bring us up in the right way."
That was the most amazing bit of speech. I'd never thought of it like that. They only person I knew that had been fostered was Renee, and she never talked about it. I only knew that because of my chats with Dan when I'd mentioned how she always looked sad when people talked about their past. I didn't feel I could ask Dan, as it wasn't his story to tell, and I wouldn't want him to break a confidence. Study partners often told each other things they wouldn't ever want to tell someone else. What I found strange, was that neither she nor Dan was transgendered, though Sophia seemed to be around a lot more than Dan. Since neither was homosexual, I wondered what had brought them to the school's attention. They were very good at organising things, and I know they'd been involved with some of the logistics when we went away. Perhaps they had some other hidden talents I wasn't aware of yet.
Helen didn't open the envelope until we were in the year's common room with the door securely shut. We all stood round Helen, who carefully opened the envelope.
"By a sizable majority, we are going to Tehran, and we are taking the Alpha team with us."
"I guess that means we're off the hook," joked Jamie.
"Does anybody have an issue with the result that they want to discuss?" Helen asked. Nobody said they did, or would speak to her or me later in private.
"I better-" I was interrupted by a knock on the door, which Sam answered.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 48
What do you see when you look in the mirror?
For Arwen, who asked so nicely
Tuesday 3rd January 2006
"Jayne," Sam called over, "Stacy wants to know if you're ready?"
"Wow, is it time to see Edith already?" I muttered to myself.
"See you later," said Helen, giving me a kiss and propelling me towards the door.
I didn't really want to go, but knew I had to. Stacy was waiting with Andy, who wished us both luck before wandering back to the year-five common room.
As we walked up the stairs, Stacy said, "Andy's still upset that he caused Helen issues. Edith told him that seeing him as Andy might help her."
I stopped and looked at her. "She did what!?" It didn't make sense to me.
"I think it would be best for Edith to explain." Stacy continued on and I rushed to catch up.
To me, it didn't seem right what Edith had asked Andy, as it was causing more issues for Helen. Stacy didn't say anything, but linked arms with me to show support.
On arrival at Edith's office, she ushered us both to the settee.
"Good Morning. How've the two of you been doing?" she queried with a smile in her voice. "Did you both sleep okay?"
"I didn't get much sleep the previous night, so I think it was catching up with me," said Stacy. "It's unusual for the alarm to wake me."
"We both slept through the alarm," I said. "It was only Jill ringing that got us up."
"Stacy, have you been alone since getting back to school?"
"No, I don't think so. Andy accompanied me to pick up Jayne."
"And you, Jayne, apart from when you came to get Helen yesterday evening?"
"No, I've been with Helen all morning, apart from the shower."
"No unusual nervousness, or anything different from how a day here normally is?"
Stacy shook her head.
"No, nothing really, apart from worrying I'd be late for breakfast and Helen's reaction to seeing Andy. Why did you suggest that Andy stayed in male mode when you knew it would upset Helen?"
"Yesterday, seeing you as David was a vivid reminder of what happened. However, as Helen is less emotionally attached to Andy and she wasn't seeing him when she pulled the trigger, seeing Andy instead of Brenda should trigger the same kind of reaction. However, since he was there, and you are all friends, seeing him should still cause a reaction, albeit a milder one, which she should be able to deal with. Being reminded of the events in a mild way should allow her to gradually get used to dealing with what happened, at which point you can return to David without causing Helen issues she can't deal with."
"Is that it?"
Edith shook her head sadly. "No, or I would be leaving on Friday. We have to sort out your issues and Stacy's."
"What about Andy?" I enquired.
"That is for him to discuss with you," Edith said. "I don't discuss the condition of other patients like that."
"Andy looks like he is mostly okay, but will still be under observation for a bit," said Stacy.
"That's great," I said, relieved that things were going okay for him. "So what is going to happen to us two?"
"I need to assess each of you, to determine a recovery program which will suit each of your needs. Shall we start with you, Stacy? Jayne, I'd like you to be quiet while this occurs, but if Stacy gets upset, then by all means-" Edith trailed off.
I smiled. "It's okay, Edith, you don't need to ask. I know the drill from when Helen and I have sessions together."
"Excellent. Stacy, on the way back to the hotel you were told to go into an alley due to an approaching military vehicle. Do you remember that?"
"Yes."
"Great. While you were there, it was reported that Skip and Ed were trapped and even though you were the closest, you couldn't move due to another truck approaching. What happened next?"
Stacy sighed. "What's this got to do with the guns and explosions?"
"It all related to what happened that night. What happened next, please?"
"Andy radioed through and said he could get there before we could get out of the alley. I approved him trying to help."
"How did you feel about that?"
"I was worried about David. I knew he would be worried about Christopher."
"What about Andy and Christopher? Weren't you worried about them?"
"Of course!"
"Why?"
"Why?" Stacy responded by repeating what Edith has asked.
"Why were you worried about them? If you were worried, why did you let them go?"
"Because Andy would have gone anyway."
"Really? It doesn't sound like you have much control of those under you. Should you be Beta One if you can't control your team?"
"It's not like that," said Stacy calmly. I don't know how she didn't get upset; I was beginning to feel a bit irked at Edith. "It was the right thing for Andy to go. If I hadn't authorised it, he would have known that I was putting my personal feelings before what was needed."
"Disobeying you would have been the right thing to do?"
"Yes, two people were in danger. Nobody else raised any objections, so it wouldn't have been right for me to. It would have been my personal feelings influencing my decision."
"What were your personal feelings?"
"I didn't want them to go."
"Why not? You've said it was the right decision."
"Because I should have been going. I should have been putting my life on the line."
"Nobody else should take risks? Nobody else should be able to be in danger if you aren't?"
"That's not what I meant."
"What did you mean?"
"I didn't want to put them at risk."
A pattern was beginning to emerge. As soon as Stacy had finished answering a question, Edith was straight out with another one. "Would you have preferred it if Fran and Ingrid had gone instead?"
Stacy was quiet for a moment, refusing to be rushed by Edith's questions, "I don't know. I think I made the right decision. I just didn't like doing it."
Edith paused and after a few seconds gave a small smile. "Very good, that shows you're human. No leader likes making decisions where they have to send someone into harms way. They find it more difficult and like it even less when they are sending someone they care about." This was a total change in attitude. Edith had been batting Stacy another question as soon as she had answered the previous one. Now it was like the tension had gone.
"Really?" asked Stacy, looking at Edith in surprise.
"Really. Perhaps you should talk about this with Rachel sometime. I'm nearly finished with you today, but not quite. I want you to think about this one carefully before answering. I want you to put into order of risk, the times that Andy could have been killed, injured or arrested."
As Stacy thought this over, I saw a change come over her. She had been quite subdued during the rest of the conversation and not too happy about the discussion regarding sending Andy to help Skip and Ed. She must have been silent for a good few minutes when I saw her shoulders slump and a solitary tear trickle slowly down her cheek.
It pained me to see Stacy like this. She was always there for everyone and I wondered how often she admitted having any issues to anybody apart from Andy and probably Rachel. I inched closer to Stacy and put my right arm around her to show support and felt her slump into me.
"Thanks," she murmured.
"There were several times where we were all in danger," Stacy said, making an effort to answer the question. "I presume that when Andy and Christopher went in to rescue Skip and Ed they were in the most danger, though I wasn't there to see. Next was when we'd caused the diversion and they took out the guards. Andy could have easily have been shot."
"That's enough," interrupted Edith when Stacy paused to take a breath. Edith paused and swung in her swivel chair to look out of the window at a light snow flurry.
"Are you okay?" I whispered to Stacy.
"Thanks for being here," Stacy whispered back, wiping her eyes.
Edith finally turned back to face us. She looked like she was about to ask another question, but stopped and got up. "Why don't we break for a few minutes and then it's your turn, Jayne."
I laughed out loud, which got a surprised look from Edith. "The only time Dr Ruiz did that during a long session with me and Helen, we both fell asleep on the settee while she was out of the room."
"I know the last few days have been very tiring, but I would be grateful if you could resist doing that today," laughed Edith, before leaving the room.
Realising I still had my arm around Stacy, I blushed and quickly removed it.
"I hope my chat's not that bad," I said, slightly worried.
"It wasn't that bad." Stacy shifted to face me. "She made me think about things and has actually settled some stuff that I was worried about."
"But you cried?"
"Yes, I did. Edith made me think about things and some were things I'd rather not think about."
"That's why I don't like seeing Rachel."
Stacy shook her head. "Jayne, I cried, but I'm glad that Edith made me look at the issues. If I don't examine them, then I can't move forward. Bottling up your feelings and worries isn't good for you."
When Edith came back, I braced myself for a deep delve into my thoughts. She looked at me and gave me a sad smile. "You don't like talking about your feelings, do you?"
"Not really," I surprised myself by admitting.
"Then let's try something else. Why don't we go for a little ride?"
"Where to?" I asked, getting a bit antsy. I didn't like it when therapists jumped subjects so rapidly.
"We're just going down one of the trails," Edith replied, telling me nothing apart from we were staying within the school grounds.
Most of the school vehicles had manual gears, but this one was an automatic. I was scheduled to start learning how to drive in February, and wondered which type I'd be learning in. The sad thing is that until I am over seventeen and then pass my driving test, I will be restricted to the school grounds. Helen had started her lessons a few weeks ago, but at the beginning, a lot was theory. Vehicle Management isn't just how to drive a car, it is how to maintain it, understand how they are built and how they work. This school never liked to go into a subject lightly.
Edith pulled up outside a familiar building, nestled in a small wood. My heart rate started to pick up. Perhaps a nice little chat wouldn't have been a bad move.
"Everything is set up," greeted Mr Yates, as we got out of the car.
As we all walked into the shooting gallery, I noticed Stacy was looking a bit apprehensive. If Edith noticed, she didn't say anything. There were three targets ready, with a clean scoring target in each.
"You don't mind if I join you?" asked Edith.
"I don't." Stacy shrugged her shoulders. I don't know how she maintained her cool. I was shuddering inside.
"I don't either," I said, trying not to show my fear. I muttered to myself, "I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer."
Mr Yates handed us ear protectors and three identical handguns.
The muted noise of the guns echoed as we all fired our weapons, but instead of bringing back memories of the other night, it brought back images of our shooting lessons. I was shaking slightly as I finished, but it was more from relief that I'd managed, rather than fear.
"Well done all of you," said Mr Yates, as he pulled back the targets. "Jayne, I believe that was a new personal best for you, well done."
"We better get back. Thank you for opening up for us," Edith told Mr Yates, flashing him a smile.
"Glad to help," he replied as we wandered out.
Edith drove back to the main building, but it didn't stop her from asking questions. "So Jayne, how was that?"
"Better than I thought. I expected to be frightened by the noise, but I wasn't," I admitted.
"And you got a personal best," added Stacy. At a glare from Edith, Stacy shrank back in her seat.
"I would appreciate it if you don't tell Andy and Helen about what we did, as I may do something similar with them, though probably not today. Jayne, you appeared to be muttering something just before we started the shooting. What was it?"
"Oh that? It was something from the book Dune. The main character had to do a test, which causes him fear and he chants this poem. I used to use it a lot at my old school, to pluck up courage to walk home."
"I can't say I've read it, though it I suspect I'm going to have a bit of bedtime reading." Pulling up outside the main building, Edith twisted round so she could see us better. "Jayne, I'm very concerned that you don't want to talk about things. Would it be easier if you saw Rachel?"
"Probably not," I said, after Stacy had given me a pointed glance. "Rachel's probably told you already that I don't like talking about things."
"Yet you did chat with her when you got back from your trip out, and you talked with me a little the next day."
I couldn't look Edith or Stacy in the eye, so glanced down at the floor. I just wish people would leave me alone.
"Why don't the two of you go on in while I put the car away?"
As Stacy and I walked towards the building I worried about things. I mean, I was doing okay, but everyone wanted me to talk about how I felt. I felt fine, and didn't want to discuss everything.
"Jayne?"
"Huh?"
"Are you okay? You seemed in deep thought."
"Sorry. I was just thinking about things."
"I know you don't want to hear this, but talking does help."
"Thanks," I said trying to smile. Perhaps Stacy is right, but how do you tell someone your feelings when you don't understand them yourself?
* * *
"So how did it go?" Helen asked, as I wandered into the common room. There was still a while before lunch.
I shrugged my shoulders. "It was okay, I suppose." I really didn't want this conversation to happen in front of the entire year.
Helen looked at me with daggered eyes and I felt my face get warm. I found that my shoes were worth staring at.
"You clammed up again?" concluded Helen.
Why is it that when you wish the general room conversation was loud enough that others wouldn't hear, that everything goes deathly quiet? I couldn't answer or look at Helen.
"Well?" she prodded, starting to sound a bit pissed.
"Yes, but-"
"Why?"
I sighed. Why didn't she let me carry on, I was about to explain. "Because-" I tailed off. Perhaps I can't explain.
"Jayne," warned Helen, not at all quietly.
"She'll speak when she's ready," said Anna, putting her hand on Helen's shoulder.
"Keep out of this!" growled Helen. Anna's distraction did have the affect of calming her down though. In a much gentler voice Helen continued, "Jayne, I just worry that you are bottling everything up. I don't want-"
I heard a small sniff. "I'm not going to commit suicide. I'm just worried that if I open up too much, you'll hate me. I might even hate me."
"Huh?" came from across the room, I think it was Wayne, but I couldn't be sure.
"If I carry on as I am and don't think about other options, then I can't hate myself for it and others can't be repulsed."
"You've had some thoughts, but they frightened you?" Jill asked from across the room.
This was quickly becoming a group session. Just what I need! Maybe if I just leave and go to my room? No, they'd only get me later. Maybe they'd worry I was suicidal. It looks like I have to brave this one out.
I sighed and reluctantly gave a small nod, my eyes beginning to dampen. I swallowed hard, trying to keep control. The room was silent for a bit, and I hoped that they were going to leave me alone.
"They were?" prodded Paula.
Damn her! Tears started to trickle down my face, as the thoughts and ideas that I'd tried to suppress once again came to the top of my mind. All I could do was shake my head.
"Come on Jayne." Helen pulled me up.
"Wh ... Wh," I tried to speak, but there were too many tears. I grabbed a tissue to try and blow my nose to stop the snot getting into my mouth.
"We are going for a walk," Helen replied, successfully interpreting my garbled attempt to talk.
Through bleary eyes, I saw that there were several others with us. Why don't they trust me when I say that I'm not suicidal? I was just beginning to calm down, when I realised we were in the corridor where the psychiatrist's offices were and Helen was knocking insistently on Rachel's office door.
"Yes?" asked Rachel, opening her door slightly so we wouldn't be able to see who she was with.
"Jayne was just telling us why she won't talk to you or Edith, and while it was fresh in her mind, with all the thoughts she doesn't like thinking about, we thought it would help to speak with you."
I'd come round enough to see the dilemma in Rachel's eyes. She would love to speak with me, but she was with someone else. "Helen, I think Rachel is seeing someone already. I don't mind waiting."
"I bet you don't," Stacy interrupted, coming to the door. "Rachel, I'll come back later, I think this is something far more urgent."
"I don't want Helen staying with me," I blurted out.
There were bewildered faces. "Because she hates the thoughts she's been having, and is worried that I'll hate her too," Helen explained.
"I'll stay," offered Stacy.
"Oh God, no," I moaned.
"I'm not leaving you without someone," said Helen. "Would you prefer Jill or Anna to stay then?"
"Stacy will do," I reluctantly decided.
"Charming," said Stacy, pulling me into the room.
The last thing I heard before the door closed was Helen calling out, "Don't let me down again."
"Sorry about this," I apologised to Stacy, as we sat down next to each other on the settee.
"You were there when I had my op. It is the least I can do to be here for you."
"So Jayne, do you want to explain why you are here now?"
"Helen was upset with me because I'd refused to talk to Edith. She feels I'm always bottling things up, and she was worried I would try to commit suicide."
"Were you crying because she shouted at you?"
"No."
"Because she hit you?"
"No," I said. "That’s silly. You know Helen would never do that."
"You did say she was upset with you, and Helen can get easily frustrated."
"I was crying because I was frightened. I'm frightened of the thoughts I have. They scare me. I don't like talking to you or Edith earlier, as I might tell you how I feel."
"Why would it be scary to tell me?"
"Because they're then in my mind, and I hate myself for them. I'm worried that others will hate me too."
I burst into tears, and I felt the comforting arms of Stacy envelop me. Rachel waited until I started to calm down.
"If you tell us, then we might be able to find a solution," she suggested. "I remember an old saying that two heads are better than one. In this case, we have three!"
I closed my eyes and tensed up. "I want to be David, but I'm worried that I'm too much Jayne to ever be happy as David. I'm worried that I'll never be happy, no matter who, or what I am. If I'm not forcing myself to be David, then even if I'm dressed as a boy, I'm mistaken as a girl. Even at this school it has happened several times."
The room was silent, but through that silence I felt Stacy continue to stroke the outside of my right leg. I looked up to see Rachel looking at me. "I don't hate you," she informed me.
"I don't either," added Stacy.
"Helen might."
"Unless you tell Helen, then you will never know, but think back to between the French trip and this one. You were David then, and Helen didn't have a problem, did she?"
"No, but-"
"Isn't the problem more how you see yourself?"
"What?"
Rachel got up and opened a cupboard door, revealing a full-length mirror. "Come over here." I got up and wandered across, Stacy not far behind. "Now look in the mirror and tell me what you see."
"I see Jayne."
"Is that all?"
"I see someone who looks a mess," I added.
"Stacy, what do you see?" Rachel asked.
"I see someone that is kind, loving, very observant, intelligent, and often puts others first."
"Huh?" I couldn't get my head around what Stacy was getting at.
"Oh, and someone who can't take a compliment," Stacy added.
"Just before your first mix-up Monday, when Helen was worried about being a lesbian, you said that clothes didn't matter. Look past the clothes, the hairstyle and the tear stained face."
"You don't need me to strip, do you?" I said half joking and half worried that Rachel was going to suggest that.
"Please don't," begged Stacy, in a highly theatrical voice.
"Stacy, please don't interrupt unless asked," scolded Rachel. "And I would also prefer you to keep your clothes on. Looking beneath the clothes, what do you see?"
I stared into the mirror, wondering what Rachel was talking about. All I saw was me. Perhaps this was like one of those 3D pictures, where you squint your eyes and glance at a corner and you suddenly see a giraffe. After a few attempts, I didn't see anything, apart from me.
"I don't understand," I said, getting frustrated. "All I see is me."
"There's nothing to get upset about," reassured Rachel, closing the cupboard door. "Why don't we go back to the settee? It is much more comfortable than standing."
When we were sitting down, Rachel continued. "I think part of the issue is you misheard me. I asked what you saw, not who you saw. You are you, and I'm sure you see a lot of your body when you shower and get changed. However, what do you stand for? What do you believe in? What are your aims in life? What makes you happy or sad?"
"I'd just get on with things. I've never tried to analyse my life."
"Then let's start with something simple. What is your favourite food?"
"Jam Roly Poly," I responded, without hesitation. "Covered in oodles of custard."
"Favourite main course?"
"Roast lamb, with no mint sauce."
"You don't like mint sauce?"
"Gah, no," I said, pulling a face just at the memory of the taste.
"Least favourite meal?"
"Beans on toast."
"Favourite film?"
"Dune."
"Which one?"
I paused from the quick fire questions. "There's more than one?"
"Yes. Can you remember who was in it?"
"Not really. I just enjoyed it. I do remember it had Patrick Stewart in it. You know, him from Star Trek. There is another?"
"Yes, it was done a few years ago, and it was closer to the book, though you will have to wait until you are fifteen to see it. Favourite colour?"
"Yellow."
"Favourite drink?"
"Dr Pepper."
"Was all that scary?"
"Should it have been?"
"I've no idea. It was you, being more open. It might have been a bit crude, but you were telling me things that you liked, and one that you disliked."
"I suppose I did."
"I don't hate you after that. Do you hate yourself more now?"
"No, but this is different."
"How?"
"Because we were talking about something else."
"Did you think that Edith was going to discuss your gender issues?"
"I suppose not."
"Is there anything that you feel scared talking about, regarding the field trip?"
"Yes," I reluctantly replied.
I don't think this was the answer that Rachel was expecting. I heard a small laugh from Stacy. I've got to admit, the expression on Rachel's face was funny.
"Rachel, would it be possible for us to have a few minutes privacy?" piped up Stacy.
I'm not sure what silent conversation went on between Stacy and Rachel, but surprisingly, she agreed. "I'll be outside, and as you know, I won't be able to hear you."
With Rachel gone, Stacy turned to face me. "Is it because of the reaction you had in bed?"
"What?" I asked weakly.
"When I got up, did you stay in bed because you'd got aroused, and need to wait for it to go down?"
I eventually whispered, "Yes." I hung my head in embarrassment.
"I feel quite honoured. Anyway, it was a perfectly natural reaction."
"For me it wasn't," I continued looking up shyly and seeing Stacy was blushing.
"Why?"
"Because I didn't feel sick."
"That's great news. Why, though?"
"I've no idea." It seemed Stacy didn't either.
"It's another clue to the mysterious working of your body. Were you worried that I might be offended?"
"Yes, and worried what Helen would say."
"Helen isn't here. Anyway, I doubt it would be something that would come up with Edith, and if it did, she would recognise it as a natural reaction. I do think it would be worth mentioning it to Rachel."
"Why?" My heart rate started to pick up.
"Because she is probably concerned about why you get sick. Knowing there was an occasion when you didn't, might help."
"But it's so embarrassing."
"I'm here. Do you want me to tell her?"
That is so tempting. However, if she's right and my body was just reacting like it should, then perhaps it will be okay.
"I'll do it," I said quickly, before I changed my mind. "Shall I get Rachel back?"
"Yes, but next time you think you will embarrass me, say something. Refusing to discuss things, because you are worried what others might think, leads to complications. You did it a few weeks ago, and look what happened then."
"I'm trying," I said, going to the door. "It is just so hard to open up."
I opened the door to reveal Rachel on the floor with her back to the wall, playing a game on her PDA. "Having fun?" I teased.
"You are certainly one of the more 'interesting' students at the school," said Rachel, getting up off the floor. "First you fall asleep on my settee, and now you throw me out of my office."
"Sorry." I lowered my head.
"Oh stop it. I wasn't having a go at you, just pointing out that you make my job interesting."
Once the door was again closed, and we were settled, Rachel started, "Well, did you come to any conclusions?"
"I was embarrassed about something that happened. Stacy said it was okay, and I shouldn't have hidden it."
"And?" prompted Rachel for me to continue.
"The night of the concert, I had a nightmare. Stacy, who had been sleeping in the top bunk, joined me, so there would be someone friendly nearby. It worked and stopped me having any more bad dreams."
I stopped. Rachel looked puzzled, wondering if there was something she had missed.
Stacy prodded me to continue.
"In the morning, Stacy and I had a chat about things. When Stacy got up, I realised-" I couldn't say any more and blushed heavily.
"It's okay," whispered Stacy. "I was going to continue for you, but Rachel gave me another warning look. Once you tell her, you'll feel better"
"I got an erection," I said, not even trying to mask the words.
"And?"
"That's it," I said, relieved.
"You are physically male. Your blood work shows you have the expected hormone levels. Being close to a pretty girl, in such a situation, this type of reaction is perfectly natural."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm not sure if you are aware, but a psychiatrist has to go through standard medical training first. I am a fully trained doctor, and worked in a hospital for many years before training in psychiatry. Anyway, it is Dr Sue that did the blood work, and consulted with a qualified endocrinologist."
"Tell her the other news," prompted Stacy.
"I didn't feel sick," I said, almost proudly
This certainly got Rachel's attention. Well she had been paying attention before, but her body suddenly became more upright.
"Are you sure?" Rachel scribbled on her PDA.
"I might not be a trained doctor, and I haven't spent years working in a hospital, but I certainly know that I didn't feel sick."
"Touché, and I will let that cheekiness pass this once, though I don't want to hear it again."
"Sorry. Have you any idea why I didn't feel ill?"
Rachel paused, obviously thinking. She eventually admitted, "At the moment, no, but that doesn't mean I won't find something later. Now that this is out in the open and Stacy hasn't freaked, would you feel better about talking with Edith?"
"I suppose," I sighed.
"Suppose?"
"Okay, yes, I will speak with Edith."
"I wish we could fit you in this evening, but Edith has other appointments. Also, neither of you has spent much time with your partners today. So how about after breakfast tomorrow?"
"Stacy, will you come with me?"
"Sure," she said absentmindedly. Before I could ask what was wrong, her face cleared. She leaned forward and whispered into my ear. As my mind processed the words, I started to feel sick, and before I could get off the settee, I threw up over Stacy, the settee and myself.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 49
Life can be full of unexpected events
I couldn't believe it. Not only had I found out more about myself, but in doing so I'd nearly missed lunch. I didn't like being sick, but I thought this time had been worth it. After changing, I rushed to the dining room, arriving just as the rest of the year were finishing.
"You've changed," Helen stated with obvious concern. "Are you okay?"
"I threw up at the end of the session," stating the obvious to Helen. "I'm okay now."
"Are you sure you're okay?" asked Helen, sounding worried and concerned at the same time. She made no attempt to suggest I see the nurse.
Nobody else at the table said anything, but I could tell they were all taking it in.
"I'm okay. Let me go get my meal, and we can discuss it later."
I'm sure I saw Paula's face fall when she realised I wasn't going to tell more.
In the kitchen, I bumped into Stacy. "I'm sorry I made you sick," she said tentatively.
"As I said earlier, it's okay. You've apologised too many times already. Anyway, you didn't do anything doctors don't do. When I was younger, I remember falling over and hurting my arm. My mum took me to see the doctor, who then started to press the area and to tell him when it hurt. He pressed in just the wrong place and it felt worse than when I fell. Just like he found what the problem was, so did you."
"Do you still want me there tomorrow morning?"
"Of course. Anyway, Edith is expecting us both. I'm sure she'll want to ask you more."
Stacy laughed nervously, "I'm sure she will."
Even though the others in the year had finished, they stayed while I quickly caught up. When Emma and Paula took back the dirty plates, they found trays full of ice cream. It was a nice treat for everyone and it seemed to help me feel a lot better.
"Good luck this afternoon," I said to Helen, when we'd all finished eating.
"Thanks." She gave me one of her special smiles, and my heart rate increased.
"Don't forget, tonight we are going to watch that film Wesley mentioned; The Cutting Edge. So don't be too late back."
"I hope I'm not that late," Helen responded. "I'll be worried if I'm still there for the evening meal."
I was feeling quite apprehensive and kept glancing at the time. It seemed Helen was jittery most of the morning, and had gone through most of the arrangements for tomorrow night's sleepover. I felt at a loose end. I took part in some games, but my heart wasn't in it. Perhaps I should have taken Rachel up on her offer to discuss me being sick, but my heart wasn't in it. I had an appointment to discuss it on Saturday, after the Americans had gone home.
"Have any of you ever tried to walk along the boundary?" asked Tina, as she bowed out of another game of monopoly.
The nine of us from Hayfield all glanced at each other and we all shook our heads. I'd never thought about doing it and had no idea how much ground the school sat on.
"I just thought it would be fun to see a bit more before we went home."
"Sounds great," said Emma. "I've not had a good hike since coming here."
"You used to go hiking a lot?" asked Mel.
"My parents are tenant farmers and I used to help out. It was quite fun really. Well apart from the early getups when I was helping with milking. Some fields weren't that close to the house, and were quite a walk."
"How early did you have to get up for the milking?"
"Five, but I only did that in the holidays. My parents wouldn't let me do it during school time. Our school didn't start until half-eight, so normally I didn't get up until seven. It always took time to get from the farm to the school. If we're going to do this, I think it might be a good idea for us to put on something sturdier than these." She pointed to our trainers. "I think I've seen some walking boots in my wardrobe, so I presume you all have them too."
I couldn't say I'd noticed any walking boots, but I'm sure Emma was right. All the wardrobes appeared to have very similar content, so if she had them, I'm sure I did too.
Jill and Anna accompanied me to my room. "Give us a shout when you're ready," said Jill.
Her comments made me realise that today I'd walked alone twice and not really had any issues. Surely I couldn't be cured. "Thanks," I replied, not wanting to be ungrateful, and slipped into my room.
I decided that the pair of wellies might not be good for going too far, so I opted for a pair of sturdy hiking boots. I'd seen them in the shops, but never thought I would need a pair. When I lived with my parents, such items were outside my parents buying power. I put on some warmer clothes since it was only three Celsius outside.
Just as I was about to leave the room, I remembered what had happened with Jessica and the issues caused by leaving the grounds. Since I wasn't sure how close we could get to the boundary without setting off the alarms, I sent Mr Hobson a message letting him what we were doing. I didn't get a response until we were all about to leave.
Thank you for the warning. As long as you stay on our side of the wall or fence, all will be okay. Please notify me promptly if there are any accidental crossings, so not to cause any issues.
We walked down the drive to the gate and turned right along the boundary. I watched the security camera at the top of the high wall, wondering if it was going to follow us, but it didn't. Where the boundary followed the road, the wall was quite high. However, once the road and wall separated and we were working alongside the adjacent property, the wall lowered and most of us could just about see over.
"Wow," breathed in Martha as she took in the view. All you could see was fields and fields. There was a row of trees a few miles away that seemed to block us seeing further.
"Don't you have views like this at the Manor?"
"No. Well, not exactly like this. We are remote, but it is a lot more mountainous and wild. This just looks like a postcard of the British countryside."
"But isn't this the same view you have from your bedroom window?"
"Yes, but there is nothing like seeing it in person, with the wind blowing through your hair and the smell of the land sparking my imagination."
We all stopped and looked at Martha in amazement. She'd never talked like this before.
"If you think this is good, then you should see some of the views from the beacons," said Sam.
"What are they?"
"Dotted across the country is what are referred to as beacons. Before telephones, if the country was being invaded, the beacon had a large bonfire, which would be lit. This would be spotted at the next beacon, which would light theirs. The message could then spread quickly across the country. Since they are high up, the views from them are amazing. I remember one near where I lived; you had a view right down the Severn valley."
"It's a bit sad that we didn't see more of Britain," sighed Tina, as we continued our walk.
"Hey, you got to see a lot more than some Americans do," Anna reminded her. "Anyway, you can think of this as a teaser and come back when you've finished at school. I bet there are lots of other countries you've visited that you want to go back to see more of, too."
"Yeah," Tina sighed, rather dramatically. There were lots of nods from the American students.
I wonder if we will get bitten by the travel bug when we go to more counties. We hardly touched Moscow, let alone the rest of Russia, though perhaps a visit when it is warmer might be a better idea.
The walk was a great time for us to chat and let the worries from the fieldtrip fade into the background. Perhaps we should have done something like this when the Manor first arrived. Oh well, no use crying over spilt milk.
As we finished going up a small slope I suddenly heard "Hi guys."
Where is she? I looked wildly around, and eventually spotted her, behind a small clump of high bushes, sitting on the side of a quad bike with Andrea.
"Thanks for the lift," Helen thanked Andrea as she hopped off.
"Hey, no probs. Have fun." With that Andrea started the engine and headed back towards the school.
"How did it go?" I asked, as Helen got close.
"It was okay," she replied, giving a small shudder. Her eyes were still slightly red and I presumed it had been a heavy session. "Did I miss much on the walk?"
"Oh, just fields and great scenery."
"Fantastic scenery," corrected Martha.
"Quiet!" Emma, who had stopped, called suddenly.
Surprised at Emma's sudden request, we all came to a halt and stopped our conversations.
"What is it?" whispered Paula.
"I thought I heard-" she broke off as we all heard a faint bleat. "I didn't know they did early lambing here."
"Lambing?" asked Mel. The American students all looked puzzled.
"When sheep give birth to their baby lambs," explained Emma. "Lambing normally starts later in the year, around spring time. However, supermarkets are always after meat all year, so some farms have started the breeding process earlier, so they can provide lambs earlier in the year and get a higher price. It saves the supermarkets shipping lamb in from New Zealand. See that building there? That is the lambing shed."
"Can we go and see?" asked Paula getting excited.
"NO!" Emma shrieked, just as Paula looked like she was going to scale the wall. I was about to shout no myself, but Emma was quicker off the mark. "You can't just enter a farm. Farmers are still paranoid about foot and mouth disease."
I hadn't got the foggiest what Emma was talking about, but it certainly stopped Paula, which saved me having to remind them we shouldn't leave the school grounds without permission.
A farmer came out of the shed and Emma shouted out, "Are you lambing?"
The farmer must have heard as he turned, saw us all at the wall and ambled across. "That's right. I take it you heard the young ones?"
Emma nodded in acknowledgement. "You didn't have any issues tupping so early?"
I hadn't any idea what Emma was talking about, and by the puzzled faces nor did anybody else, apart from the farmer who smiled. "Not anymore."
The conversation went on for a few minutes, and was obviously not just about lambing, but other farming issues. Emma certainly seemed in her element and we gave her the time she needed. Over the months she'd been at Hayfield, she, like the rest of us had all come out of our shells. This was something else though; her eyes were shining with some sort of excitement and passion.
"I wish we could visit," said Paula as we again continued our walk. At the rate we were going, we wouldn't finish the complete circuit before it started getting dark.
"I miss the farm," sighed Emma. "I know I can never see my family after we finish school, but it might be nice if I can join a farm somewhere."
Glancing around, I noticed that Erika and Martha had slipped behind and it occurred to me that Emma's innocent remark must have struck home with Erika. She was shaking slightly and it looked like Martha was comforting her. I slowed down so Mel could catch up. I flicked my head back and she saw the situation, as did Jamie and Helen.
"We'll go on with the others and meet you inside later," Mel said quietly so not to draw attention to the two stationary students.
The school might not have been doing the switch until Friday, but Mel had just confirmed what I'd felt earlier; Martha and Erika were now year-one, not year-D. Helen and I going back to Erika and Martha wasn't unnoticed, but no big show was made of it. In fact, Jamie had picked up the pace and they would soon be out of sight.
Helen linked up next to Erika. "Why don't we go back inside?" she suggested. "Standing out here in the freezing cold isn't going to do you much good."
"Dad must hate me," sobbed Erika, as we slowly trudged back to the main building.
"Why?" asked Martha, sounding rather perplexed.
"Because he must know that after Friday he'll never see me again."
"I think your Dad wants the best for you," I said. "Did you know that he'd already discussed with Mr Hobson that you were likely to request staying here at Hayfield?"
"WHAT?" Erika demanded, grinding to a halt.
"He wasn't in the meeting the other night, as he said it wouldn't have been fair to discuss his own child, but he'd remembered how unhappy you were going back to America last year, so had thought you might bring it up. Anyway, what about you? You've had the privilege of seeing your Dad over the last year, which others haven't. Aren't you going to miss him?"
"Yes, but I've been missing him all year. It's like he's no longer is my Dad, but just the school principle. Does that make any sense? I mean, I would see him around the school, but I couldn't just go to him like I used to."
"Jill said the same thing," Helen added.
"As did Matilda, but you already know that, as you discussed it with her," I added.
Martha, who had been quiet, piped up, "Well, do you want to stay here, or not?"
"Yes. I'm not forcing you, am I?"
"You know I like to travel. My parents were always moving around, and now I am too. Either go or stay, I would do anything to remain with you."
Erika blushed and we just grinned.
We soon got moving again, after Helen's, "Come on you two. Let's get back before your tears freeze on your face."
"I think we're both going to need to clean up when we get back," said Erika, trying to wipe all the tears away.
* * *
"So how was your walk around the schools perimeter?" asked Mr Hobson, who was sitting at our table for the evening meal.
"It started getting dark before we finished," lamented Tina.
"We met a nice farmer from your neighbouring farm," said Paula.
"So he said," said Mr Hobson, his eyes twinkling. "He said it was refreshing how someone so young knew so much about farming. He also wondered, if you were still around, if you would like to see the lambing."
"Oh, could we?" asked Paula getting excited.
"Would tomorrow after lunch be okay?" asked Mr Hobson.
"I'm seeing Mrs Covington again then," sighed Helen.
"I spoke with Mrs Covington just before we came in to eat. She said the visit would be good for you and that she would see you next at eleven on Friday." Then he turned to me, "Sorry, Jayne, but no reprieve for you. She said your meeting with her tomorrow morning really couldn't be postponed."
"The farmer is called Mr Grant," Helen pointed unnecessarily to me. "He could be a distant relative."
Yeah, yeah, here we go again. Didn't they get enough laughter earlier?
Mr Hobson smiled. "I hadn't thought about it before, but his first name is David."
My jaw dropped in surprised, and there was general laughter. At first I thought Mr Hobson was having me on, but looking at his face he seemed serious. He nodded to confirm his earlier statement. I wasn't going to ask Mr Hobson if David Grant the farmer was a relative, as it seemed not everyone knew the detailed checks the school performed. A few weeks ago when Emma got the dollhouse, she seemed surprised that Mr Hobson knew her niece's name.
"Does he have a wife called Helen?" Tina joked.
"No, his wife's called Ruth."
"Don't tell me, he has a daughter called Pip," said Emma, facetiously.
"How did you know?" asked Mr Hobson, sounding surprised. "Have you met them before?"
"No, but from everyone's puzzled faces it looks like nobody else had parents sad enough to listen to The Archers."
"What's The Archers?" asked Wesley. "We studied lots to do with the UK, but I don't remember seeing any mention of that."
"It is the longest running radio serial on UK radio," explained Emma. "It's about a farming community where the main characters are from a family whose surname is Archer. Mum always had it on the radio while we were eating in the evenings. Anyway, in it there is a farmer called David, who has a wife, Ruth, and a daughter, Pip."
"I'll ring Mr Grant later to confirm the visit. Please remember to be on your best behaviour."
"Yes, sir," we chorused.
That night, Helen woke up very upset. I don't remember hearing a scream, but the sound of her sobbing did wake me.
"What's wrong?" I asked, switching on the little lamp on my side of the bed and turning over to face her. I silently cursed the fact my nightie had got slightly twisted, and I didn't turn as easily as I would normally have.
Helen just shook her head and turned away. It wasn't like Helen to bottle things up, so I slid across the bed and put my arm around her. I didn't say anything for a bit, hoping that being close might help. As the crying continued, I began to wonder if I should contact Rachel. All I could murmur was "I'm here," and "It'll be okay". I just hoped that being there would lead to it being okay.
With no improvement, I moved to get my PDA. "No," Helen sobbed barely loud enough for me to hear.
"Then tell me," I demanded, putting my hand on her side, but not snuggling up. I wanted to be able to get to my PDA quickly if I needed. It wasn't like Helen to be like this.
"You died," she eventually blurted out, her crying diminishing.
I died? What is Helen talking about?
"I'm not dead," I said with totally certainty.
"No, in my dream you died."
I didn't say anything, but gently stroked her, waiting for her to continue. "I know it was a dream, but you could have died. The guard could have shot you."
"Yes, he could have," I admitted, hoping that I didn't make things worse. "You could also have died, when you went with Andy to rescue Skip. In fact there were several times any of us could have been arrested, hurt or even killed."
"But I love you," said Helen, turning round. "I don't want you to die. I want us to spend our lives together."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Perhaps I was jumping to conclusions. "Are you-"
"No, this isn't right," Helen continued. "You need to go and get changed."
"Helen, it's nearly three o'clock."
"We'll probably feel crap tomorrow, but will you please go and get changed? I need you to be David."
"You freaked the last time you saw me as David," I pointed out. "You are only just getting used to Andy."
"I'll be okay," said Helen, only a tinge of doubt in her voice. "I so want this to be right."
As quickly as I could, I used the solvent to remove the attached breast forms, and cleaned my chest. I found a pair of pyjamas and left the nightie on the floor, just in case Helen freaked. On returning to Helen's room, I found she had been busy changing too. I looked away as I felt a bit green, but managed to keep control. I made a mental note to thank Stacy in the morning. Without her revealing what was causing my problem, I would certainly have been sick by now.
Helen must have noticed my discomfort, as when I looked up again, she was donning a dressing gown. She took my hands into hers, and fell onto one knee.
"David, will you marry me?"
My eyes widened as Helen popped the question I'd suspected she was building up to ask. I couldn't help myself, but burst into tears.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 50
Did David/Jayne accept?
Wednesday 4th January 2006
"What are you doing?" queried Helen, wrapping her arms lovingly around me.
"I'm trying to see if the alarm has gone off on Stacy's PDA," I replied, continuing to tap away on my main bedroom computer. This wasn't a job for the PDA, unless I was desperate. "I don't want to wake Stacy by sending this message."
"I'm sure Matilda could have done it by now," teased Helen.
"I'm sure she could have," I agreed, tilting my head back, and getting the hoped for kiss. My body started to tingle and I quickly returned my concentration back to the computer, or I might never finish what I was doing.
"So?" prompted Helen, when I squeaked with success.
"Hers isn't set." I tapped a bit more. "However, Andy's went off twenty-eight minutes ago. It seems they get up really early."
"What are you waiting for? Send the message," Helen eagerly demanded, jarring me from my thoughts on whether the early wakeup was for this mysterious medical stuff that Andy had mentioned. I really must ask Rachel what this dilation is.
"Hold your horses," I protested, as I pulled up the message we'd composed earlier and majestically hit the send button.
"We're committed now."
"We didn't put that much information in the message," I pointed out.
"True." Helen gave me a slightly worried look. "You do want this, don't you?"
"Yes," I reassured, before giving an enormous yawn. "Oh, I think I'm going to need some strong coffee to get through today. I don't want to be falling asleep at tonight's party, so I'll see if I can have a nap after the trip to the farm."
"That sounds a good idea," Helen grinned lecherously.
I didn't get to respond as the phone rang, which was probably for the best. The PDA showed it was Stacy.
"Hi, sorry to message you this early. Do you have a time for a chat before breakfast?"
"Of course. Is this just you, or is Helen joining us?"
"Just me, if you don't mind."
"Don't you have enough private time with me already? If we're not careful, people are going to start talking."
I heard Andy, somewhere in the background, burst out laughing. I'm glad he did, as I thought she was serious at first.
"You're not laughing," Stacy pointed out, after I was silent.
"No, I'm not."
"How do you want to do this? Do you want to join me on my morning run, or would you rather we sit down and chat?"
Running was tempting. If the discussion gets too bad, I could just leg it. Though on second thoughts, Stacy is very fit, and would probably catch up with me.
"Would you mind if we, umm, had a chat in a nice warm room?" I almost sounded apologetic.
"Sounds good, especially in this weather. Andy's still going for a run and wondered if Helen wanted to join him? "
I passed on the offer to Helen, who agreed and scurried off to get changed.
"Helen is a go with that," I told Stacy. "I'm going to jump in the shower, so give me ten minutes."
"Since I'm not running, I'll be showering too, so don't panic about time. We'll knock on Helen's door, so you can get ready in peace."
Not wanting to be caught by their arrival, I closed the interconnecting door and took my clothes into the bathroom, so I could get ready there.
I can't believe Helen asked me that last night; well I suppose it was this morning. I know the worry about what happened in Russia is still playing on her mind and she doesn't want to lose me. Heck I don't want to lose her, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that commitment. Anyway, isn't the guy, supposed to do the asking? Just one more spade in the burial of my masculinity. I've only seen the discrete symbol of affirmation on Fran and Ingrid in year-two, so it doesn't look like they have all sorted themselves out. It was obvious during the revue practices that Sophia and Renee only use one room. I wonder why they haven't been through affirmation.
Worried about how long I'd been showering, I quickly pulled myself out of my introspection and rushed to get ready. I shouldn't have worried as Helen was just leaving with Andy.
"So Jayne, what do you want to discuss this early in the morning?" asked Stacy, as I quickly grabbed last night's abandoned clothes from the floor to put into the laundry chute. I noticed that she noticed the male pyjamas, but she didn't say anything.
"Yesterday's comment." I swallowed, trying to keep myself from being ill just at the thought. I think I managed, because it wasn't a surprise, and I'd had time to digest things. "Were you serious?"
I don't know if it was the bluntness of the question, or the subject, but a quick look of surprise flashed across Stacy's face.
"Before you came to Hayfield, had you ever been out with anybody before?"
"No, but what's that got to do with it?"
"Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. Mostly, I'm just nosey. Yesterday, I had a theory about what was making you ill. What I said was the only thing I could think of to see if my guess was right. I don't want you having issues when you get close to Helen, like you did at the revue."
"Thanks," I said relieved, as I didn't like having those issues either.
"Just knowing what causes it has helped a bit, but I know it's something I'm going to have to discuss with Rachel. She has scheduled me in for Saturday to chat about it, which I'm sure she is looking forward to."
"Yes and no. I don't think she likes any pupil being ill like that, but I'm also sure she is also worried about what you and Helen might do if you aren't ill."
"Huh?"
"You knew Helen before coming here. Besides Anna and Jill, you are the only ones in year one that are so close to each other. I think they are worried that things will progress quicker than you are ready for."
"Helen proposed last night."
It was a good thing that I'd not offered Stacy a glass of water, or she would have sprayed it all over the room. To her credit, she quickly recovered. "So? Don't just sit there. Tell me everything!"
It didn't take long to tell her. During my narration, she sat there amazed and kept prompting me to go into an excruciating amount of detail.
"So how long were you back in male clothes?"
"Not that long. Helen lasted a bit until after the proposal. Once she'd got that off her chest, she seemed to think back to earlier and the worry about me being shot." I realised that I was talking about my feeling and tried to get things back on a safer topic. "So what is the procedure about affirmation?"
"You need to see Rachel to discuss it. She won't stop it, but she will counsel you both, especially on whether you're both ready for this commitment. Yes, it might not be marriage, but the school takes it as seriously as a marriage."
"We're ready," I said confidently.
"Really? You are both only thirteen. Don't you think this is a bit young to think about affirmation?"
"I'll be fourteen next week." This got a small, almost exasperated shake of her head.
"And you asked about yesterday's question? If I'd repeated yesterday's proposal and said that I wanted us to jump into bed and you be the first one to try out my new plumbing, would you have been telling me about Helen's proposal?"
"What about your affirmation with Andy?" I shot back.
"Indeed, but you haven't answered my question."
"I love Helen with all my heart, which is why I said yes last night, well, this morning. So, are you going to tell me what else has to be done, apart from telling Rachel?"
Stacy sighed. "Okay, book an appointment to see Rachel. She'll discuss it with you and explain the process. You will then need to arrange the people you wish to be involved and when you are ready, Mr Hobson will make the announcement."
"Do you think we're rushing things?"
"A little. You might be fourteen next week, but you are still a bit young to decide on such a commitment. You will be the first year-one that I've heard of that has ever done this. I know you have known each other for years, and you guys know a lot more about each other than most do in year-one, which is what might stop Rachel having kittens. In some ways, I wish I could be there when you tell her, just to see her reaction."
An evil thought jumped into my mind and I broke into a grin.
"What are you planning?" asked Stacy.
"Oh, nothing." I couldn't help but grin.
"How much sleep did you get last night?"
"Since Helen had her nightmare, we haven't been back to sleep. We just needed to talk about things. Apart from our chat with Edith, I'm going to see if I can get a nap for a few hours so I don't fall asleep in the party tonight."
"Okay, but expect a grilling when you turn up yawning at breakfast. The last time you looked this tired was when you broke the school rules. You didn’t break them last night, did you?"
"No." I paused, trying to decide whether to ask Stacy something now or wait until later. Stacy must have seen I was wrestling with something as she waited, looking expectantly at me. "Is it worth it?"
"The affirmation ceremony?"
"No, what you went through to become Stacy?"
"For me it was."
"Do people who transition ever regret doing it?"
"Sometimes, though rarely at this school. There was a case last year where a psychiatrist thought a pupil was transgendered because they didn't tell them the whole truth; so even at this school things aren't always perfect. At least that got sorted out before things went beyond discussion."
"Do people have the op and then change their mind?"
"It does happen, but thankfully it isn't often. You'd have to ask Rachel, but I'm not aware of it ever happening with any pupils from this school."
"Do you think I would be better staying as Jayne forever?"
"Only you can answer that. I doubt even Rachel would answer such a question. Only you should make the choice for you. And having The Op is only one option. Think about Jill, she plans to live as Jill, but never change her plumbing, and there are many other variants. Let's hope Andy's bit of dress up fun with you will help you try to discover you."
"That's still going to happen?"
"Sure is, but when you are ready. Don't you think there's been enough excitement over the last week? I'm sure Rachel wants to make sure everything is calm before she lets Andy go off the deep end."
I felt horrified and I did nothing to stop that horror being plastered right across my face. It sunk in; d I knew that Andy, being the person he was, might have a laugh, but would never do anything to hurt anybody. I'd seen how upset he'd been after the action that once in the orchestra. My horror and fear melted and I gave a nervous laugh. "I look forward to it ... I think."
Helen came back exhausted. "Andy, I said to take it easy with her," admonished Stacy.
"I did," he protested.
"We are more used to cycling and have only just started jogging," I explained. "Also we had slightly less sleep than normal."
Andy's eyebrows shot up.
"You didn't tell him?" I asked Helen.
"I didn't know how to," she panted.
"Helen proposed last night," I explained.
"Way to go, Helen!" Andy paused and then asked, "Aren't you a bit young though?"
"I'll be fourteen next week," I protested.
"I'm sure Rachel will bring it up, too," Helen sighed.
"We aren't telling you not to speak with Rachel," Stacy explained. "Just be aware that there will be some surprised people out there and probably suggestions that you wait."
"I know. Can you keep this to yourselves for now?"
"Of course. It is always good for any announcement to be a surprise. Jayne, I'll see you after breakfast. Do you want me to collect you like yesterday?"
"Sounds good."
Stacy and Andy left, and Helen went to get a shower. Alone, I began to worry what others would say. I want to be with Helen forever, but are we rushing things? I don't think so, as we've known each other for years. Ingrid and Fran had got their relationship affirmed the other month and they've only known each other just over a year.
"Do you think we're rushing things?" Helen asked, disturbing my thoughts. She sure does shower quickly.
"Not really, as we've known each other a lot longer than a lot of other couples have. Are we a bit young? Perhaps, but I don't think I'll change the way I think about you in a year or ten. According to Stacy, we have to tell Rachel and she will guide us through the rest."
Helen sat quietly for a minute, before asking "So you do want to go through with this?"
"Yes."
"Then send Rachel the message now," urged Helen.
"Do you mind if we wait until breakfast? I want to help a wish come true for Stacy."
"Which was?"
"She wished she could see Rachel's face when we told her."
It took Helen a microsecond to understand and she sniggered in appreciation. We spent the time before going to the common room to outline a plan of what we would send. We both tried our best to keep the silly grins off our face.
Neither of us felt too tired as we went down, though we knew it wouldn't last. Indeed, a yawn during breakfast by Emma set me off, and Helen obliged by yawning too.
"Are you okay?" asked Keith, obviously concerned due to the sizes of our yawns.
"Yes, just a bit tired," yawned Helen. "I had a nightmare which woke us up and we found it hard to go back to sleep afterwards, so we talked a bit about the nightmare and other stuff. I'm feeling a lot better now, and if it's okay, we talked about having a nap later, otherwise we might fall asleep during tonight's party. If I need to, I will go to see Rachel to talk more about it."
While we were eating, Helen sent the message to Stacy, "Standby for your wish to come true" while I sent off the message to Rachel. "Helen proposed last night. Can we see you sometime to discuss affirmation?"
Rachel was sitting at the year-five table, which let Stacy and Andy have a good view of her reaction, but unfortunately we missed it. On the upside, it gave her time to think about the situation. Well, I hope it was an upside. Mr Hobson was sitting at the year-C table, which we did have a good view of, and a few minutes after we'd send the message to Rachel, he suddenly started coughing on his coffee. A quick glare in our direction didn't bode well for later. However, our mobiles stayed eerily quiet and no response came before the end of breakfast.
"You didn't break the rules again, did you?" hissed Jill, as we made our way to the common room.
"What do you mean?" I said innocently.
"The only time I've seen you this tired, and trying to suppress a happy grin, was when you and Helen broke the school rule about keeping on your underwear that once."
"We didn't break any rules, though we could have done with more sleep. As we told Keith, and you heard, Helen had a nightmare which kept us up."
"And the silly grin?"
"I'll tell you later," I whispered.
We weren't back in the common room long before Stacy turned up. "See you all later," I said as I walked to the door.
"Rachel asked if Helen could come too," said Stacy. Why wasn't I surprised!
The whispers of "good luck" from year-one made me realise how many thought we'd broken the rules again.
"How did Rachel take it?" I asked Stacy, as we made our way up the stairs.
"Choked on her porridge."
"Oops. Perhaps we shouldn't send notes like that during meals. I think she must have forwarded it to Mr Hobson, as he glanced our way after spluttering on his coffee."
When we arrived at Edith's office, only Edith was there. "Come on in. Dr Ruiz said she would be a few more minutes as Mr Hobson asked to see her."
Helen and I sat on the settee and Edith took her usual chair. As we waited, she must have been looking us over, as she asked, "Jayne and Helen, are you okay? You both look rather tired."
"I had a bad nightmare last night which woke up Jayne. We didn't get to sleep after that."
Helen started crying as she remembered vividly the nightmare. All I could do was hold her, and repeatedly tell her that I wasn't dead. She had just started to recover when Rachel slipped into the room and took a seat.
Still in my arms, Helen recovered enough to explain her nightmare, though at times she came close to breaking down again.
"Does retelling it now cause as much grief as it did last night?" asked Edith.
"No, it was really bad last night. It took me a while to realise that the person holding me was the one I thought was dead. I think Jayne got a bit worried at one stage, and nearly called for help."
Turning to me, Edith asked, "Why didn't you?"
"Because Helen started to calm down. She just appeared very upset and confused; nothing worse."
"What time did this happen?"
"About three."
"Don't let the hour cause you to hesitate ringing for support if you think you need it," said Edith. Rachel nodded in agreement. "I'd feel better about getting a three am phone call asking for help than having you, or another student, suffer. So Helen, how have you been this morning?"
"Tired, but I don't seem to be suffering anything else. Will I get more of these nightmares?"
"Probably. Not every night, but probably. You'll most likely have more nightmares until you have all the issues worked out. It's not anything to be ashamed off. People who suffer trauma commonly get nightmares."
"Does anybody from the Alpha team?" I asked, looking at Rachel.
Rachel looked at Edith, like she was asking permission to answer. "Now and again. Not always after they have been on a mission either, but some things they see hits them weeks or months later. There's no simple rule."
Edith stood up. "I'll leave you to have your chat with Dr Ruiz. Give me a shout when you're finished."
Stacy spoke for the first time. "Rachel, it might not be a bad idea for Edith to stay, as some things that happened will be of great interest to her and it saves them being repeated."
"Stacy, how much do you know?" Rachel asked, as Edith retook her seat.
"Everything, I think. Jayne called me early this morning and I spent time going over it with her while Helen went for a run with Andy."
Turning to us, Rachel asked, "I presume your conversation after the nightmare was why you sent me the message this morning?"
"Mostly."
"Okay, for Edith's benefit, over breakfast I got a message from these two, to discuss them holding an affirmation ceremony."
They must do the same thing in America, as Edith seemed to know what it was.
"Who proposed to whom?" asked Edith.
"Helen asked me to change, so she could propose to me as David." Edith and Rachel started scribbling earnestly on their PDA's. "Once I was changed, Helen got down on one knee and popped the question."
"How romantic," Edith sighed. Rachel must have been made of sterner stuff as only a small smile made it to her face. "Yet Jayne is here this morning, not David. Helen, how long did you last before the visual impact became too much?"
"About half an hour," said Helen, slightly ashamed.
"That is progress," reassured Edith. "A few days ago, you didn't last a minute before fainting."
"Helen didn't freak out though," I explained. "I saw it was becoming hard on her, and I suggested I change, which she accepted."
Rachel turned more serious, and was almost stern. "You said that you didn't go back to sleep. Did you break any of the school rules?"
I thought about being flippant, but decided it wouldn't be appropriate. "No. We didn't have sex and we kept our underwear on while in the same room."
"So what did you do?"
"We chatted about Fran and Ingrid's affirmation ceremony, and what we might want in ours. We also then discussed what had happened in Russia, and the impact the Beta program had on us."
"Such as?"
"If we were too young, the problems we've had since, if we should continue with the Beta team, if it should exist at all."
"And?"
"We still want to make a difference, and we do seem to have certain qualities, which makes us fit in well. We decided it is something we do want to continue with."
"Do you feel you're too young?"
"I think we weren't fully ready, but I'd rather have more training than give up. I'm not sure how much training helps with being shot at. I suppose there must be something, or soldiers would go potty."
"Some do, even after training. Before you came here, did either of you ever cover World War One during your history lessons?" asked Rachel.
"No," Helen and I said together.
"Okay, it might be interesting for you to read about the reactions of some of the soldiers and how they were treated. At the time it was called Shell Shock. Today we now call it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The officers didn't understand, and described the soldiers that were suffering as cowards. When they were asked to go back to the frontline and couldn't, some were shot for desertion."
"Am I suffering from that post thingy disorder?" Helen asked, worriedly.
"We don't know yet. It is all about a matter of degree. Some people can learn to live with stress. Some understand eventually what happened and get over it. Others continue to suffer for many years after."
"I still get the occasional nightmare from my rape, but it doesn't rule my life," interjected Stacy. "It is something I've learnt to live with. I've also learnt that some people that are raped still get frightened to go out by themselves years later.
"Will this stop me being part of the Beta team?" worried Helen.
"If you are suffering and can't cope, then would it be fair on you, or others, to put you in that situation?"
"I suppose not. I want to make a difference though."
"If we need to, we can make a difference in other ways." I put my arms around Helen to reassure her.
"Helen, why don't we go and have a chat about affirmation," Rachel suggested, getting up.
I looked hopelessly at Helen as she got up. I still dreaded this chat with Edith about what happened in Russia. However, I knew that if I didn't talk, Helen would be very upset with me.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 51
The end of Immigration Manors visit draws close. So what is Sam's secret?
Wednesday 4th January 2006
Helen grabbed me as I entered the common room. "You don't seem too bad. You didn't fall asleep during it, did you?"
I pretended to be cross. "No, I didn't!" I then laughed, spoiling the effect. "It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. What about your chat with Rachel?"
"It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," Helen replied, mimicking my response, and not doing too bad a job with mirroring how I spoke. That raised a few heads of those in the common room. "The obvious objection was raised, and we are to see her tomorrow 'sometime after we've woken'."
"It sounds like she doesn't expect us to be up very early."
"Unless you two have a nap, I doubt you will make it as far as normal curfew," pointed out Emma.
"After the farm visit. It's too close to lunch now," said Helen. I couldn't help but smile at her preoccupation with mealtimes. At least she wasn't as bad as Lewis, but she wasn't far off. I wonder if Brian would be more vocal about food if he wasn't as shy. He seemed to eat with the same gusto as the other guys, but in some inexplicable way he seemed more refined.
"How do we get to the farm?" Paula asked. "Do we just jump over the wall near the lambing shed?"
Emma looked horrified and looked like she was going to respond, but Helen got there first.
"No. This came up this morning at the end of my chat with Rachel. If we walk out of the front gate, and turn right, we should find an entrance just along the road. Since we were only going next door, I also enquired if our standard PDA's would still work. They might, but they would rather we take our travel ones so we can be contacted in an emergency."
A familiar groan filtered through the room. Doing PDA changeovers for ten people wasn't too bad, but thirty seemed a waste of time, especially since we were only going next door. Indeed, after lunch we noticed three boxes waiting outside our common-room. The smallest contained the travel PDA's, while the other two large ones contained wellies.
"Oh, whoopee," said Brian sarcastically as he picked up the box with the PDAs. Phil and Aaron dragged in the other two.
"You get used to it," shrugged Melissa. "I remember the pain we had to go through each time we left the Manor in our first year. At that time no students had the authority to do the transfers, so the whole school had to collect in the computer lab so RJ could do the deed. I think RJ was as glad as everyone else when the school assigned someone in each year. Now it's just part of the ritual."
I'd now assisted with the PDA switches several times, and got into some sort of rhythm.
"That's one minute thirty-two seconds quicker than last time," said Anna, as I finished the last PDA.
"You've been timing me?" I uttered, rather surprised.
"It gives me something to do," she responded, non repentant.
I felt slightly peeved as I took the boots Helen passed to me. "I'll try to get quicker, but there's only so much I can do. It takes time for the profile to upload and then download the travel version. We are waiting for a software update which should make things a lot quicker."
"I'm not saying that," sighed Anna. "It is just a bit of fun for me. I know it takes time to do them and you do it really well."
"Sorry, I'm just a bit tired."
"Ah, are you one of those people that get grumpy when tired?" asked Mel.
I noticed Helen nodding her head. "Only a little," I admitted.
Apart from our shopping trip to Milton Keynes, this was the only time I'd gone off the property without staff being with us. I suppose the biggest reason is that the school was in a rather secluded area, and there wasn't really anywhere to go off the premises. The school was also worried about exposure. They'd been worried about Jill and Anna going to Milton Keynes before Christmas, just in case they were recognised. At least here we were only going next door; so no chance of us seeing anybody that knew us.
Once ready, it was a rather pleasant stroll in the cold but dry winter afternoon. The farm gate wasn't too far down the road, and as we approached we saw Mr Grant strolling towards his side of the gate.
"I got a phone call saying you were on your way." He looked us over and nodded in relief. "I see you are all wearing sensible footwear and haven't dressed up for the occasion."
I was glad we'd had someone like Emma who could properly advise us. As we approached the shed we had to walk through a tray of disinfectant, which made me so glad I hadn't been wearing normal shoes or even trainers.
"If I'd worn sneakers, my feet would have been soaking," uttered Ruth, echoing my thoughts.
The lambing shed was set out into small pens, with a several ewes in each. It seemed strange to call such a large building a shed, but that's what Emma and Mr Grant call it. As we walked in, I saw other, larger pens with a mixture of ewes and lambs. Emma, who'd been next to me as we walked into the shed, had disappeared. I stopped to look around, wondering where she was, just to find her catching up. Mr Grant was laughing.
Emma obviously heard him. "Sorry, force of habit."
"A good habit to have. Since you automatically disinfected your hands when you came in, I take it you live on a farm?"
"I used to, though our flock wasn't anywhere near this size."
"Should we disinfect?" asked Paula.
"If you stick to the path, and don't go touching the animals, then you should be okay. I would ask you all to refrain from disturbing the animals by stroking them; lambing can be quite hard and for some ewes, this is their first year."
I'd been expecting it to be cold in here, but it was rather nice. I presume they must have kept the place warm because of the newborns.
Emma was in her element. She stuck with us, but you could tell she was taking in the entire situation and was obviously seeing a lot more than the rest of us. As we wandered around, we saw some farm hands tagging newly born lambs, others mucking out pens, and even some assisting a birth that wasn't going as well as it might.
"Do you have to assist with all of the births?" asked Jessica.
"No, we do know when a ewe is expected to have her lamb, but mostly we just let nature take her course. We then clean things up, and make sure the lamb and mother bond and the little one gets milk from the mother. When they are both ready, we move them to another building while they get stronger, before moving them outside."
"Sounds simple," said Ruth.
"If everything goes to plan it is, but it is very tiring," said Emma, knowingly. "Lambs aren't just born between nine and five. Farmers have to work in shifts, which after a few days becomes exhausting. Nature also doesn't go as hoped; lambs don't always survive, nor do all the ewes."
"We lost a ewe last night and another a few hours ago," said Mr Grant. "Another ewe has accepted the first lamb as her own. Unfortunately the last ewe died after giving birth to two lambs and we're having to hand rear them." He paused and looked at Emma with a slight smile. "They should have recovered enough for their first feed. Emma, did you ever have to do this?"
"Yes, it was always the last resort, but I had to do it a few times." The wistful look on her face said it all. Emma really missed her time at the farm.
"We have spare overalls in the room at the back." Mr Grant pointed to a door at the far side. "Would you like to assist?"
"Really?" she squealed.
"Really," he laughed.
It didn't take her long to change, and she came back with a very happy grin. We moved to the pen where the two orphaned lambs were. An oldish man approached carrying what looked like two large syringes with plastic tubes on the ends. He was closely followed by a younger farmer.
"These two lambs haven't had any colostrum," explained Emma to us. "Since their mother died, this is the easiest way to make sure they have it. Also, if they are bottle fed, it will be harder to try again to use another ewe as a surrogate."
The oldish farmer's eyebrows went up in surprise. "She seems to know a lot for someone on a visit." He handed the syringes to Mr Grant.
"Thanks Graham," said Mr Grant, he then turned to Emma. "I'd have gone a lot more technical if I'd tried to explain it. Now hop into the pen and let's see if you can walk-the-walk."
"I don't want to intrude," mumbled Emma.
"Nah, you can do mine," said Graham, eager to see if this young girl could actually do it.
Emma entered the pen, took the proffered milk followed by the newborn lamb, and next thing I know she did some type of measurement with the tube and soon was happily feeding the lamb.
Graham and Mr Grant shared a smile, as they saw Emma happily sitting on a bale of hay, feeding the lamb. It was obvious to them that this girl did know her stuff.
"There we go," said Emma, removing the feeding tube and placing the lamb onto the floor. The lamb, still finding its legs, wobbled away.
The young farmer was obviously enamoured by Emma and hadn't even started on his lamb, as he'd just been watching her. As soon as he noticed that we were all watching him, he blushed and got on with doing his.
"Nice job," praised Mr Grant. Emma just continued to beam. It was obvious to everyone around that this girl really enjoyed life on the farm.
"Do you have other animals?" asked Philip.
"We have a nice heard of Friesian cows, but they are more towards the farmhouse at the other end of our fields."
When it was time to leave, it was like the spark left Emma. She was a happy girl while at school and was always enthusiastic. However, when with the animals, it was like there was something additional. She was in her element, knew what was happening and was happy to share that with us.
I wasn't the only one to notice, and Paula started asking Emma if she'd dealt with cows at her parent's farm. A big smile re-appeared, "Oh yeah, the cows were great. In some ways they are even better than the lambs and sheep. They make the worst sounds when separated from their calves, this rather woeful moo."
As we started up the drive to the school, a car passed. I noticed it was Matilda and June. I wonder where those two have been for the day. I'm sure I wasn't the only one to notice who was in the car, but nobody mentioned it.
I thought I would have been more tired, after a disturbed night, but at the moment I felt great. Perhaps the smell of farm animals, or the fresh air afterwards was what kept me going. When we got back to the school, I did the ritual of logging in the travel PDA's. Helen and I went to her bedroom where we snuggled up for an afternoon nap. There is nothing better than being with the one you love.
It seemed strange waking up seeing it light outside; this was the winter after all. It took a bit longer to come round, but when I was up, I had to admit that I did feel a lot better than when I went to bed. It was too early to get ready for the party, so we put on our clothes from earlier. When we got down to the common room, it seems we weren't the only ones that had taken a nap. It sounded like we all wanted to enjoy tonight.
It was weird that we wouldn't be eating with the rest of the school, but tonight was our party, so we spent time discussing the trip to the farm and what we would wear tonight. Well some of us discussed what we would wear and others made sure they stayed well away from that conversation.
Just before we started getting the room ready, Mr Hobson came by. "How did you enjoy your trip?"
There were a lot of positive comments, and Emma got this almost dreamy look at the reminder.
"I'm glad you enjoyed it. I had a phone call from Mr Grant who had nothing but praise about you all. So, as our first visit with our neighbour, I think it all went well. He also invited you all round again. I explained to him that ten of you lived here, including you Emma. He instantly invited you all to a meal in a few weeks time, after lambing had finished. Emma and Paula, I would like to see you two after your chat and before your party starts. Don't worry, you aren't in trouble and it shouldn't take too long. If you all come to a decision about going for the meal before Emma and Paula see me, they can let me know. "
Mr Hobson left us, and Helen took charge in deciding. "Okay, let's do this quickly. Do any of you have anything against us going for this meal? Jayne?"
"No."
"Emma?"
"No."
"Paula?"
"No."
"Jill?"
"No."
"Anna?"
"No."
"Erika?"
"No."
"Martha?"
"No."
"Brian?"
"No."
"Lewis?"
"Erm, well..."
A roomful of eyes trained on him.
"Just kidding. Do you think I would refuse going somewhere where there's food? "
"I suppose not." I laughed as cushions sailed across the room at him.
Both Emma and Paula looked very nervous. I moved across and asked them quietly, "Is this the first time you've been to Mr Hobson's office?"
"Yeah."
"Don't worry, I've been there a few times, and he's very nice. He said you weren't in trouble, so don't panic."
"Is that in nice friendly letters?" Paula joked nervously. I wonder if it was Paula who'd borrowed the copy of Hitchhikers Guide from the library. It wasn't there when I looked the other day.
"Do you want me to go with you?" I offered.
It looked as if Emma seriously considered it, but Paula answered, "We'll be okay. If we aren't back before the party starts, then send a search party."
"It won't start for an hour. We have the room to prepare, get changed, and get our night clothes."
With so many of us, the room didn't take that long to sort. The settees were all dragged to the sides, leaving room for whatever events were taking place. Jessica ran upstairs to the library to get the reserved twister mats.
Thursday 5th January 2006
I couldn't believe it. Why couldn't I have stayed asleep like I did the other day? Since this was a special morning, due to last night's party, we didn't need to get up so early and be at breakfast. It was expected that we wouldn't go to sleep until very late, and we hadn't. It was also expected that we would sleep in, which my body didn't seem to want.
"Are you awake?" Helen murmur from next to me.
"Yeah, and I can't get back to sleep," I responded, turning over to see her face. She always looked so beautiful. "Do you reckon anybody else is awake?" I wanted to snuggle up with her, but didn't want to do so in front of the others.
"I can't hear Anna snoring," Helen replied, less quietly. My heart sank knowing there was no way we would cuddle or kiss in front of others.
"I don't snore!" Anna responded from not too far away, which started a lot of laughter. If anybody was asleep, they weren't anymore.
"It looks like we might make breakfast," Lewis said, sitting up.
"Before you all go and change, I've got something to say," announced Sam. The room quickly fell silent. It wasn't everyday that people made an announcement and when someone did, we all paid attention. "I don't want to leave this school without everyone knowing the truth."
I thought Sam might say more, but there was only silence.
"And?" prompted Mel.
"I'm going to go to breakfast as me. If I stay that way, I'm not sure. I suppose it depends what's happening today."
"Anything else?" Mel asked. Sam was once again silent. I don't think this was an easy announcement for Sam.
"I don't want anybody else warned. I want to see everyone's true reaction."
There were lots of nods, as everyone agreed to Sam's request. I was pretty confident that the upper years would be okay, as they had learnt to expect the unexpected; though even then, this was pretty out there. Apart from Matilda, years A, B and C from The Manor were totally unknown to me. I had no idea how they would react.
"How about we all meet in good time and go to breakfast all together," suggested Jessica. It was something we mostly did anyway, but it seemed to make Sam happier.
I was glad that Helen had suggested that I bring a change of clothes for this morning. I didn't want to walk to my room in my nightie, nor in last night's party clothes. When we got back to our room, the door slammed shut and we fell into each other's arms.
Our closeness was interrupted by Mel ringing to discuss Sam. She and Jamie had similar worries about how the lower years would be. However, she knew that they might sometimes be a rowdy bunch, they would soon settle. It was just that she was afraid that initial bit would scare Sam. Mel also thought we should warn Ellen, so the support staff were at the younger years' tables in good time. That way if Sam decided to go in early, there would be people there who could explain.
With things sorted, there wasn't time for a run, so we both rushed to shower and get ready. We didn't want to be one of the last into the common room, as had been the case recently.
When we got there, it appeared that everyone else had wanted to be in good time, as we were yet again one of the last. There were only Jill and Anna who arrived shortly after us. Sam looked slightly nervous, and seemed to be clinging to Jessica. As the conversation turned to last night's party, Sam started to join in. Nobody seemed to understand how Ruth was so flexible and managed to win the twister competition. Ruth just smiled happily and said it was her parent's fault.
"Hey, isn't it breakfast time?" asked Lewis, interrupting the ongoing chat about last night.
"So it is," laughed Helen, as she quickly jumped up.
Sam looked a bit pensive, but when Jessica joined hands, seemed to smile a bit. We walked towards the dining room as a group and were spotted by a few individuals. Thank goodness they were from the top two years, and they just said "Hi" as they passed.
We paused at the dining room door. "Are you okay?" asked Jessica.
"Let's just do it," said Sam, taking a deep breath. Sam pulled the door open, went through with Jessica, and we all followed behind.
Sam didn't go unnoticed as we all made our way to our tables. I noticed a few smiles and a few people pointing Sam out to others, but there was no laughter, and it looked like people were just interested.
All went well until we went near year-A. "Why are you wearing that costume?" one asked surprised.
"Nah, it looks like Sam is being punished, like they did the other month with year-C," sniggered Megan and the rest of those from year-A started laughing.
"That's enough," said Ellen sternly. "Sam isn't being punished, like those from year-C were when they were acting immaturely." Year-A had learned enough over their six months at The Manor to understand they'd made a grave mistake. The whole table went deathly silent.
"Sam," piped up Rachael. Sam came to a halt. She jumped up from her chair, leaving her stick and hobbled across to Sam and gave a big hug. "I'm sorry if we jumped to the wrong conclusion. You do look good."
"Thanks," blushed Sam, slightly embarrassed as everyone in the room was looking their way.
"Let's go sit," suggested Mel, and we all managed to reach our table without incident.
Mr Hobson stood up and the room fell silent. "Okay, it looks like everyone is seated. All I can say is that I'm proud of you all for the way you reacted to Sam this morning. You have shown that this school can tolerate people who have different needs. Well done all of you. Today is the last full day that we have Immigration Manor with us, so please make the most of things." Mr Hobson paused for a moment. "We seem to all be ready slightly earlier than the kitchen staff, so please talk among yourselves while we wait for the bell."
The room buzzed with chatter and while we waited, the post was distributed. Most people got messages from home via email, so it was rare. The biggest things were postcards from parents when they'd been somewhere. Today the only person from year-one to get anything was Emma.
"It's from my sister," she announced after glancing at the envelope. She opened it and started to read the letter. As she finished she gave a small laugh. "Seems my sister has found someone at last. I'll have to tell you all later how they met; you'll never believe it."
That sparked all our interests and we all complained about her teasing.
It was our last day without lessons, our last day with our new friends from America, and we didn't know what to do with ourselves. After breakfast, we made our way back to the common room to talk about what we might do later. Brian had a meeting with Becky later, and Rachel had the pleasure of Helen and my company to continue discussing our affirmation request.
* * *
Rachel ushered us into her room and indicated the settees. "Did you both enjoy last night?"
"Yeah," we replied in unison.
"How on Earth did you manage to get pizzas delivered?" I asked.
"You did say that it was something you all missed. Just don't tell the kitchen staff or they'll get at me for not asking them to make them. Oh, that reminds me, do any of you know anything about some tubs of missing ice-cream?"
"The kitchen is missing some?" Helen asked innocently.
"Oh, little bits are always disappearing, especially the chocolate. However, three large tubs seemed to have gone missing, which was a bit unexpected."
Helen and I sat there, not saying anything. The ice-cream had really gone well with the pizza.
Rachel eventually continued. "If you do hear who it was, please get them to return the tubs so they can make more. Also, it seems they had been trying out some slightly different recipes, so they would appreciate some feedback."
"We, I mean, they aren't in trouble?" queried Helen.
"They will be if they don't return the tubs. Why do you think that certain types of snacks and drinks are in that open area of the kitchen? Anyway, I don't think such a large quantity will go missing again in the future, will it? Now, I've sorted out that small task, let's talk about affirmation. Before you get all upset and think I'm trying to stop it; I'm not. I just want to make sure you both fully understand what you are asking for. Are you willing to listen and discuss it?"
I looked at Helen. So far Rachel had been straight with us, but it wasn't like her to pre-empt us getting antsy.
"If we listen, but at the end still want to go through with it, could we?" Helen asked, slightly worried.
"If I feel you have listened, and understood, then yes. The only time I would recommend you didn't was if I thought it could cause serious issues. Remember, your welfare is my top priority."
Reluctantly, we both nodded our agreement. We had expected a bit of a chat, but it sounded like Rachel was building up to something a lot bigger.
"In hindsight, I'm not surprised by your request. From almost as soon as you joined the school, you have shown that your relationship was beyond friendship. It was really your timing that threw me."
Helen and I exchanged a quick glance. Where was Rachel taking this? Was she agreeing with us? I began to feel nervous as this wasn't what I expected.
"You aren't the first pair to want to make a public commitment, and in talking with the other staff it seems there are three ceremonies that have taken place. A fourth option became available last month."
Four? I suppose some might want to get married, so that and affirmation would be two. I couldn't think what the third or fourth would be.
"Four?" blurted out Helen, echoing my confusion. "We've seen two affirmations, and I presume some in older years have got married. What's the other two?
"The school also has a service of commitment, which some call 'togetherness'. It isn't any more or less important than affirmation or wedding. The aim of each ceremony is different. Let's start with wedding. This is a legal contract between two people who are legally of the opposite gender, according to their birth certificates. The service can be a religious or civil ceremony, depending on the couple's faith. A wedding can happen from the age of sixteen with consent of your legal guardians, or from the age of eighteen without."
"Are our parents still our legal guardians?" I enquired, wondering if the school had taken over that as well.
"Of course, though we do have special permission from them to give you medical treatment if needed. You would need your parent's permission for a wedding before you were eighteen."
Surely if we had to ask a parent's permission, they would want to come. "Has a wedding ever occurred here that required parental permission?" I asked.
"No," said Rachel simply. "Since the middle of last month there has been a new option; civil partnerships. These have the same legal binding as a marriage, but can only occur between couples of the same gender. Since this is so new, one hasn't occurred yet at this school. Finally, the last two options, affirmation and togetherness, are school ceremonies which don't have any legal commitments and can occur between those of any gender.
"Togetherness is the simplest public commitment to each other. It is a beautiful ceremony where those involved commit to be there for each other, at school or beyond. What they commit to differs between each ceremony and is what they are comfortable with. They are more likely to be companions, rather than in what might be a step off from being a sexual relationship.
"Affirmation is similar to togetherness, apart from the level of public commitment, which is much higher. Not only are they saying they will be there for each other, but want to be part of each other's lives. This is more likely to be out of a desire for lifelong love, rather than companionship. Remember, until last month, same-sex couples had no option for a legal union and affirmation was their only way to announce to everyone that status.
"Are you saying that most same gender couples go through togetherness or affirmation and that couples of the opposite gender get married?" Helen asked.
"Not at all, although some that go through affirmation, do later get married. In fact, there have been a few couples that went from togetherness, via affirmation, and then got married."
"Are you asking us to settle for togetherness?" I asked, feeling a bit put out. The way Rachel had phrased that last bit seemed to be pushing us that way.
Rachel put up her hands in surrender. "Not at all. I was just trying to point out what others had done in the past." She went to her desk and came back with two binders and two booklets. "The two booklets are the official services for wedding and civil union. The two binders contain the service for togetherness and affirmation. They have copies of the structure of the service and what previous students have opted to say. Why don't you start with togetherness?"
Rachel offered them to us and we took the togetherness binder. What surprised me was that these were not thought up by the school staff, but by students themselves. Helen queried it, not believing what she was reading.
"There were some very surprised members of staff when the idea was broached, but they articulated their reasoning very well. The services have changed slightly as the school has matured and pupils have had different ideas."
We continued to read the togetherness material and eventually moved on to affirmation. What really surprised me was the variety of commitments and words used. The tenderness of what some had said brought tears to my eyes. These weren't idle thoughts or actions.
"Okay, now you have the basic understanding of the ceremonies, can I ask you some questions to help me understand how you two feel? Again, I'm just trying to make sure you have as much knowledge as you can. Actually, I think I had too many cups of tea at breakfast, so let's have a have a few minutes break."
We nodded.
As Rachel was opening her door, she asked, "I don't know how much sleep you got last night, but please don't fall asleep on me!"
Would she ever let us forget that? We fall asleep once on her, and we are reminded about it forever.
"So?" I asked Helen, as Rachel closed the door behind her.
Helen let out a breath. "It's certainly a lot more varied than we thought."
"What we'd discussed still seems to be more geared towards affirmation. Our relationship is more than friendship or companionship."
"We have to work out what we want to say though. Some people seemed to go a lot further than I'd thought about."
"I don't think I'm ready to say some of the things some said."
Rachel came back and settled in her seat. "Sorry about that. Are you ready to continue?"
We nodded, wondering what Rachel had next for us.
"Relax, I'm not going to shout at you or anything like that," said Rachel, when she saw how nervous we were. "Why don't we start with some simple stuff? When you joined the school you mentioned that you were close about two years ago, but Jayne stopped because others were causing difficulties. Did either of you go out with anybody before or after that?"
Both of us shook our heads. Was this a bad thing?
"Don't worry. Like the school entrance tests, there aren't any right or wrong answers. If you are both truthful then there will be no misconceptions."
"Since coming to the school, have there been any issues in your relationship?"
"Such as?"
"Arguments, sleeping in a different room, things like that."
"Not really."
"We have had minor disagreements, but we've talked about things and got them sorted," I added. "The only times we've slept apart is the two nights punishment and that one night in Russia."
"If you don't mind, we'll come back to Russia in a minute. I want to talk with you both a bit more about your relationship. Pairing of students does lead to a certain level of closeness between them. We don't pair them up as part of a matchmaking process, but because they are able to help each other and be comforting to each other through stressful times. Jayne, you are close to Jill, but would you have been there for her like you were for Helen?"
I opened my mouth for a quick response, but for some reason stopped and thought more about it. I'm sure Rachel didn't pick that name by accident. "I don't know. We're good friends, but she doesn't set my heart racing. A close person doesn't have to be a lover. We have helped each other at times, but it isn't the same."
Rachel gave a small smile. "You do pay attention to others, don't you?"
"Huh?"
Rachel frowned. "Huh? You can do better than that."
"Sorry, I was just surprised by your statement. What do you mean?"
"I was thinking of your joint sessions with Stacy. She doesn't rush into answers, even when baited, and you seem to have picked that up. Now Helen, remember when Jill had that breakdown soon after you started here. You sat on the settee and held Jill through her bad times, until Anna arrived. Why?"
"Because she needed it," responded Helen, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Then when she realised that Rachel wanted more, she continued, "Jill was very upset over her mum's death and no, I didn't and don't feel like having a relationship with Jill."
"So, both of you have helped others, but you don't appear to have taken it further. Then why do you want to go through affirmation now? Why not wait until you are older and get married?"
"Because we love each other," said Helen.
"You can be in love without going through affirmation," responded Rachel.
I spotted Helen start to get a bit upset and turned to her, "Don't rise to it." We had our hands joined. My left hand holding her left, and my right arm was around her waist and holding her right hand.
After a moment's thought, I tried to respond. "You could say that about marriage, but thousands marry each year. It is showing a commitment to each other and making a formal statement of that commitment. We could wait until we could get married, but that is a commitment to just us. Affirmation seems to be more about a commitment at a much deeper level. A marriage would show a commitment between David and Helen. However, there is more to us than just that."
"So if you aren't just David, then what are you?"
"Well, at the moment I don't often get called David, but that's beside the point. We are showing a commitment to each other, no matter how we present, but also a commitment to the school by going through its ritual. Legally we are male and female, but not all couples are. By having a ceremony that works for everyone, it seems more-." I paused unable to think of the word. Rachel and Helen could see I was thinking, so didn't interrupt. "More just, more equal I guess, more in keeping with the school aims." I found it hard to find the right words, and hoped that Rachel understood.
Rachel didn't respond for a moment and I wondered if she was thinking about what I'd said, or she was seeing if I was going to say any more. Eventually she continued, "We seem to have got a bit off track. We were talking about relationships. So far we have found that you have only been in a relationship together and that you know that friendship doesn't have to turn to love. One final question in this area. Have either of you looked at someone else and found them attractive and wondered if there could be more?"
She can't know. I mean, nothing happened! I decided that breathing again wouldn't be a bad idea. I glanced across at Helen who didn't look too happy either.
"Yes," I uttered quietly. This was so embarrassing. Would this stop our affirmation?
"Me too," reluctantly added Helen.
"Since you don't seem upset with each other, am I to presume you'd already discussed this?" We both nodded. "Would you two just relax? I'm not here to judge. Now, so I don't jump to any conclusions, would you both tell me who."
"Andy," uttered Helen.
"Stacy." I felt mortified.
"Did this start that night in Moscow?" We again nodded. Rachel didn't seem angry or upset; she just gave a small nod and continued. "People involved in stressful or catastrophic situations sometimes experience similar bonding. What is important is to recognise it as a reaction. What happened in Russia was awful for you all, and you needed to know you weren't alone. As you've shown, by talking about it, you are still together. If you do go on to take the type of career in which you both have shown an interest, then there will be times when you will be apart. There might even be times where you can't communicate for long periods of times. This will put strains on a relationship which some can't survive."
"Are you trying to scare us?" asked Helen.
"No. I'm just exploring some of the challenges people in that line of work have. These challenges might not develop into something worse if they are expected or anticipated. Let me balance that with something a bit nicer. So far, none of the students who've married have even split up, let alone divorced. Compare that to the divorce rate in England and Wales of about fourteen percent.
"One final thing I'd like you to think about; if you do decide to continue being Beta's you both might be very busy over the next few months learning things for when Stacy and Andy leave. This will mean that you, Helen, will be alone a lot with Andy, and you, Jayne, with Stacy. In light of recent events, I'm not sure if this is wise, but sometimes that's the way the cookie crumbles. You need to be aware this could put a strain on your relationship."
"Take a deep breath," I hissed at Helen, who looked like she was going to respond furiously. I wasn't happy myself, and wanted to shout out that we would be fine and for her not to interfere. Telling Helen not to respond stopped me doing so myself, and I regained control. Remember how Stacy would do it.
"What?" she snapped.
"Don't let Rachel bait you," I said in a normal tone. "She is NOT going anywhere, so there is no need to rush a response. Don't let your anger and frustration with her do the talking."
"Okay, you respond then," she huffed.
I took a deep breath and tried to think.
"Rachel, isn't it better to go through any potential strains with a firm base? As we have already mentioned, we have discussed what happened in Russia with each other and our 'crushes'. We are also both aware that we are far too young and we wouldn't want to do anything to hurt our relationship, or theirs." I paused, trying to work out how to continue. "You taught us, when we both went through male-lessons, that we needed to tell each other what was happening and how we felt. We believe that going through something like affirmation will further strengthens our relationship. For us, it draws a line in the sand and makes a public statement that we are us."
"I like that 'we are us' line," said Helen, twisting to give me a kiss. "You were right though, I was going to overreact."
"So, have you told Andy and Stacy about your 'crushes'?"
"No," said Helen after a pause. "Since nothing is ever going to happen, how is it relevant? I mean, wouldn't it just make things harder if we did have to spend more time with them?"
"There isn't a right or wrong answer. You and Jayne are open with each other. You'll likely be in a stressful learning situation with Andy and Stacy, and it might be best to keep things as truthful as possible. You wouldn't want a surprise like your crushes to come out in the middle of something like what happened in Russia."
There was silence and I wondered if Rachel had finished. "Can we have a toilet break?"
"Sure. Now seems a good a time as any."
When we got to the toilets, all the other stalls were empty, so we were able to have a private chat as we took care of business. "Togetherness, affirmation or wait a few years for a legal wedding?" Helen asked.
"Affirmation," I responded without hesitation. "Togetherness might be okay for some, but it doesn't seem to match our relationship. However, I don't want to go overboard with the commitments, some might sound good, but set too much in stone. I would hate for our relationship to wilt-"
"Because we didn't leave it room to grow?" finished Helen.
"Yeah, that's about it. Shall we go and see where Rachel takes us next."
"What do we do about our silly crushes?" Helen asked, as we washed our hands.
"I don't think they're silly, they just happened. Let's see if we do end up spending more time with them, and if so, then I'll have a chat with Stacy and mention you and Andy"
"Oh, thank you." She sounded relieved at not having to tell Andy herself.
When we got back, Rachel was patiently waiting for us. "Now we've had a bit of a chat and discussed what the school has to offer, would you like to still go through a ceremony, and if so, which one?"
"Affirmation," we responded together.
Rachel gave a little smile. "Have you thought about where you want your affirmation to be held? It must be in the school grounds, but not in the chapel."
A big grin spread across my face and Helen seemed to glow. Was Rachel agreeing that we could?
"Do you mean we can?" I asked, hoping I wasn't jumping the gun.
"I'm only here to offer advice, not to stop you. Affirmation is a student thing, created by students. Only Stacy, as head student, could stop you. There were a lot of worries because of your age, which is why we have had a much longer chat than normal. So, getting back to my question, do you know where you want it to take place?"
"In the school grounds, but not the chapel," mussed Helen, repeating the basic rules to herself. "Does that mean we could hold it while everyone skinny dipped in the pool?" I think her excitement had got to the better of her.
"We haven't had one like that yet, and it might be very hard on those transitioning," responded Rachel, seriously.
"I was only kidding. I don't think I'm overly keen with showing my body to everyone. We did think about having it in the Parlour Room. It is very ornate in there and seems to be underused."
"There hasn't been an affirmation held in there for a few years, so it will be a nice change," said Rachel. "Who is the affirmation going to be between? Jayne and Helen? David and Helen? David and Christopher? Or perhaps Jayne and Christopher?"
"All," I replied, glad we'd discussed this and were prepared for Rachel's questions. "However, we did want to be dressed as Helen and David. We're aware that Helen won't be able to cope at the moment, but we didn't think it would happen so quickly."
"It can happen as quickly as a week, or take as long as you want. I'm glad you've recognised that Helen isn't ready for David to be around for the length of time affirmation takes. At the moment, even going through the Search of Finding would have been too much for either of you."
"Even me?" I asked, surprised. "I thought I was making good progress."
"You're both making excellent progress. Physical injuries can heal quite quickly, but the mental ones can sometimes take longer. People often rush things, thinking that all is well, and then have a sudden breakdown later. So far both of you have been very sensible and are taking things slowly. I hope you continue to do so. You've not been back a week yet. It might turn out that you are both very resilient and soon get over whatever issues you may have, or it might need more time."
"So, have you asked anybody to assist you for your special day?"
"We had some ideas," said Helen who then hesitated. "We've not asked them because we weren't sure if it was possible."
"Well as I said, affirmation is-." Rachel tailed off as Helen was shaking her head.
"No, we didn't know if it was possible to have the people we wanted."
"Who?"
"Jessica and Sam."
A look of relief passed over Rachel's face. I've no idea who she was worried about us wanting. I mean, I know it would be nice to have our parents there, but we both knew that wasn't possible and there was no way we would have asked.
The look of relief was replaced by a look of understanding. "You're wondering if you could still have Jessica and Sam because they will be at Immigration Manor?"
"Yes."
"I bet nobody thought of this as a consequence of introducing the schools to each other. Can I ask which roles you planned for them?"
"You can ask," I responded, and got my hand playfully tapped by Helen. "Okay, we wanted Jessica to be Helen's chief bridesmaid and Sam to be either a flower girl or a pageboy, depended on what duty Sam wanted."
"That's nice of you, but have you thought about whether Sam is ready to present like that in front of the whole school. I know how Sam came to breakfast this morning, but asking to be part of an affirmation ceremony is going to be so much more. After all, this morning was the first time that Sam has been Sam in front of so many."
"I hadn't thought of that," I confessed.
"Nor me," Helen admitted. We had a quick whisper and came up with a solution. "If it is okay for Sam and Jessica to attend, then we would be happy for Sam to take any role Sam wants."
"Let me speak with Mr Hobson and Mr Moore before you ask them. Is that the only two from outside this school?"
"Yes, though we've not asked anybody else yet either."
"Would you like Mr Hobson to make the announcement today, while Immigration Manor is still here, or would you like it to wait?"
"If Sam and Jessica can take part, then it would be nice if it could be today. Otherwise, let it wait until next week."
Rachel nodded. "Let me make a call." She pulled out her PDA and arranged to see the two headmasters. "While I see them, why don't you make a few calls to the others you want? That way when I get back, you will have everything bar the date sorted."
With Rachel gone, Helen and I had our PDA's out. I was to sort out the Best Man and Helen the other bridesmaids. The ushers could wait. Helen got on with the job, but every time I picked up the PDA to ring, I couldn't bring myself to dial. I really did want them to stand there with me, but would it be fair on them?
"Go and do it face to face," said Helen.
"Hi, it's Jayne. Do you have a minute for a private chat?" I asked nervously, after eventually dialling the number.
"It's too cold to meet outside, why don't you come to my room. Is this to do with your affirmation?"
"Yeah. Actually Rachel has gone to discuss something for a few minutes. Why don't you come here?"
"I'll see you in a minute then."
"So?" asked Helen as I removed the PDA from my ear.
"She's coming here." I paused trying again to decide if I was making a big mistake. "Do you think I'm wrong asking her?"
"If she says no, then don't pressure her." I nodded, and went back to my internal thoughts.
"Do you want me to ask?" asked Helen, as I heard the familiar knock.
It was so tempting, but for some reason as I went to answer the door, I said "No, this is something I should do."
My knock recognition hadn't failed me. Stacy came in and sat between us. "So, what can I tell you about the affirmation that Rachel hasn't already told you?"
"Two things. One, Rachel said that you were the only one that could veto us going through with this. Do you plan to?"
"Only if there is an objection raised by Rachel on medical grounds. I'm not going to let you go through with it if it would harm you."
"We've already discussed that with Rachel, but I'm sure you will still be here before she gets back so you can ask her then."
"And the second?" asked Stacy.
I took a deep breath, swallowed and opened my mouth, but the request didn't come out.
"I'm not going to bite," reassured Stacy.
"Would you be my Best Man," I blurted out, looking at my knees. I couldn't bring myself to look at her or Helen.
"As Marcus?" responded Stacy, her voice steady and even like normal.
"If you don't mind. I mean, if you can't then-." I was interrupted by Stacy gently taking my jaw and pointing my face towards hers.
"I'd be honoured to." She leaned forward and gave me a quick kiss on my cheek. She then let go of me and gave Helen a kiss on her cheek. "Thank you too, Helen. Until Ingrid and Fran's affirmation, I'd never been a bridesmaid. I've never been a Best Man before, and now you have asked. Thank you both."
"I was so worried you might be upset," I said, a huge weight off my shoulders. "If it is too much though, I would be happy for you to be my best women."
"That has happened a few times here, and it is perfectly acceptable. However, I really would like to do this as Marcus. It isn't many who can say they've been a bridesmaid and a Best Man in under a year. So, who else have you asked?"
"Well, we want to ask Jessica and Sam, but by the time we hold the ceremony they will be in America. Rachel is discussing it now with the two heads."
Rachel, with impeccable timing, came through the door and came to a halt when she saw Stacy in between us. "I'm sure there were only two of you when I left."
"They've invited me to be part of their affirmation," announced Stacy.
"So, this will be your second time?" asked Rachel, taking her seat.
"Not quite. I'm going to be David's Best Man."
Rachel's eyebrows shot up with that one. "Mr Hobson and Mr Moore were surprised by your request to include Jessica and Sam. I think we were all glad you didn't ask while they were eating. If Sam and Jessica accept, then the schools will arrange for them to come back for this. I think they're just glad you didn't invite more from that school or the S.P.A. administrators would have been having kittens. Why don't you see if they can join us here and you can ask them?"
Not wanting to look a gift-horse in the mouth, I dialled Jessica's number and asked if she and Sam could join us in Rachel's office. I didn't explain why, which on second thoughts was a bit inconsiderate. When they arrived they were both looking very nervous.
"This is getting a tight squeeze," said Rachel, as the two arrivals sat on the second settee. "Hopefully this shouldn't take too long."
"Are we in trouble?" asked Sam.
"No," Helen responded quickly. "Jessica, we wondered if you would like to be chief bridesmaid and Sam, either a flower girl or pageboy at our affirmation ceremony?"
"But we'll be in America," pouted Jessica.
"If you accept," explained Rachel, "Mr Moore will make sure you are here for the events. Once affirmation has happened you will be able to go back to Immigration Manor."
"Oh please," nearly begged Jessica.
"Sam?" I prompted.
"I'd love to be a pageboy," smiled Sam, genuinely happy. "Not only are you so accepting of me, you also give me a choice when a gender is needed.
"Jessica, you have a bigger job than you think," warned Helen. "As chief bridesmaid you have to keep all the other bridesmaids in check."
"I know." Something must have triggered in Jessica's mind as she quickly asked, "Who are the others?"
"Wendy and Yvonne."
"You're kidding," said Sam.
"I'll do it," affirmed Jessica, a gleam in her eye. "Wendy has never been a bridesmaid, and it will be nice for both of us. Yvonne will help keep Wendy in check if needed, but after seeing her parents last month she's been a lot better with me."
"Excellent, so that's all sorted," said Rachel. "I'd like you all to keep quiet about this until after the announcement, which should be at lunch. Does anybody have any questions?"
None of us did. However, Stacy wanted a quick word with Jessica, who caught up with us just before we got back to our common-room. Ahead we saw Brian was walking slowly back, accompanied by Lewis. Brian was looking a bit shaken and Lewis was supporting him. Sam rushed and opened the door to let them in without them letting go of each other.
"Brian was given his surgery date," explained Lewis, as the others gasped in surprise at the sight of their upset friend. His eyes were all red and it looked like he'd been ill at least once. Brian was quickly pulled into the bosom of his school friends.
"The surgeon was there and explained in detail what was going to be done. It was just a bit much," almost apologised Brian, regaining some of his composure. "They suggested if I was okay, then they would do it here on Monday morning."
"Why here and not a big hospital?" asked Anna.
"The school has a very good operating theatre here," I responded, remembering being there when Stacy had her operation. "Also, I'm sure the surgeon who will be doing it will be the best."
For the first time since Brian got back to our common-room, the edges of his mouth rose slightly and a small smile formed. "So Becky and Dr Sue said."
This and the discussion about what we wanted to do this afternoon filled up the rest of the morning and thankfully it stopped any straying into discussing why Rachel saw four of us.
At lunch, Mr Hobson stood, and waited for the room to settle. Lunchtime announcements were rare. "Okay, I have an announcement." I glanced across at year-five and saw Marcus there instead of Stacy. "I have the pleasure of announcing a proposed affirmation between David and Helen. If any of you know any reason why this should not happen then you have a week to let me know. Are there any open objections now?"
This request was met only by silence. I wanted to look around, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I reached across and took Helen's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. She returned the affection and looked at me. Her face reflected the worry I felt. I don't know why we were worried, as there wasn't any reason for us not to be together.
After what seemed an eternity, Mr Hobson continued, "Excellent, then if the top year from both schools can do the honours."
"Is this why you had a big grin the other day?" Jill asked, as we waiting for the drinks to be distributed.
I nodded. "Sorry, but we didn't want to say anything until we got confirmation that it could happen. It seems we have caused a few people a lot of headaches because we're only in year-one."
"I think Julia would have a fit if we'd decided to go ahead this soon."
"You've talked about it?" I asked slightly amazed. I shouldn't have been though, as they'd known each other even longer than I'd known Helen.
"A few times, but we have a lot to find out about life before we make such a commitment. We probably will go through affirmation at some stage."
I wonder if the others didn't know about all the options such as togetherness. Perhaps I should mention this to them later.
Kriss arrived at our table with a tray full of empty flute glasses which she put in front of us. "You two are such dark horses."
"Oh that's nothing," I teased. "Wait until you hear some of the wedding party."
Kriss had got behind and rushed to empty her tray. Marcus and Andy appeared to offer us Champagne or sparkling water.
Once the room was ready, Mr Hobson continued. "Okay, we seem to be ready. I won't give out the complete wedding party as not all names have been decided. However, we have Marcus Haynes as Best Man and Jessica Barnes as Chief Bridesmaid. Since the Best Man normally gets to make a speech on the day, I will ask Jessica to give the toast."
Jessica took a deep breath, as all the eyes in the room focused on her. She rose and tried to smile through her terror. "I'm so glad I was warned about this." This got a splatter of laughter, which seemed to help her. "It's such a privilege to be asked to be chief bridesmaid. I can honestly say this is a dream that only a year ago I never thought would come true. I also wish to thank the heads in making it possible, even though I will be part of the school exchange. I hope Helen and Jayne's affirmation goes as smoothly as the last few we've had here. Please stand, and let's raise our glasses." Jessica raised her glass. "To Helen and Jayne."
"To Helen and Jayne," everybody responded and took a drink before sitting down. Thank goodness this hadn't happened in a country where they smashed their glasses after a toast. These glasses didn't look cheap.
"That was great," I praised Jessica as she sat down.
"I've never been so scared," she responded. "I thought my legs were going to give way."
"So when's the date?" Anna asked.
"We'll tell you all about it after lunch. If we keep talking, then we will be eating a cold meal again and there is nothing worse than a cold pasta bake." I didn't want to mention that no date had been set, as we were waiting so that Helen could cope with me.
Anna gave a nod and we all tucked into our meal. The conversation drifted onto the similar ceremonies they held in America and how they wished they'd be able to see ours.
Today was one of the days I would remember forever. It was the day our affirmation was announced and that would be so important in our lives. It would also be the last full day with our friends from Immigration Manor, at least during this visit. Tomorrow wasn't a day any of us were looking forward to, but today was a day for happiness and celebration.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 52
Time has come to start looking at why David/Jayne is getting sick.
Friday 6th January 2006
Immigration Manor had only been visiting for a month, but it seemed a lot longer. In that time so much had happened and we all knew that we'd made some firm friendships. However, as Mr Hobson had reminded us at breakfast, most good things must come to an end. In some respects I didn't see this as an end, but just a change. Sure, they wouldn't be at the same school, but we knew who they were now and they wouldn't get away from us that easily! Jessica and Sam would be back soon for our affirmation, and I wouldn't be surprised if we did another joint trip within the next four years.
There were quite a few tears as we all gathered in the entrance hall. Everything seemed so bare with all the Christmas decorations removed. We'd all said our year goodbyes, but now there was time to say 'so long' to friends in other years. My first target was Matilda. I don't really know why as we'd only just seen each other late yesterday afternoon while discussing the configurations for the new cross-site video conferencing facility with Julia and RJ. Initially this would be for calls between the year common rooms, but eventually the PC's in our bedrooms would be included.
"Have a safe trip," I wished, giving her and Nellie a huge hug. I then did the same to Mary Beth and Samantha, who seemed a bit surprised. "You'll be glad to know that June isn't driving the coach."
"Thank goodness." It sounded like her biggest prayer had just been answered.
"Hey, I thought you said that because you were small that you'd done really well at the potholing."
"Oh sure, I did okay at it and it was fun, but looking back, I haven't been so scared since coming to this school."
That was so qualified that I began to wonder what other things had happened before she joined the school. I knew of her father's abuse, but it sounded like there was a lot more than that.
There were many more goodbyes. The hardest were with the Manor beta team. We'd done a lot of activities together before Russia and the bonding brought by a shared experience like that had brought us closer in ways that hadn't happened with the others.
I was back with the rest of year-one to watch them eventually board the coaches. I don't think Mr Moore thought he would ever get them moving. It wasn't as hard to see Jessica and Sam go as I'd thought, possibly because I knew they would be back for our affirmation. I think the whole of Immigration Manor wanted to say bye to Martha and Erika.
As the coaches disappeared there was a silence. I didn't hear any crying, but it felt as if fifty hearts had broken. Nobody moved and just kept watching the drive in some vain hope that they would return.
"Lessons will start after lunch," Mr Hobson called, breaking our trance. "In the meantime, please put any excess furniture for your year's common room into the entrance hall where they will be stored for future use. Year leaders, I'll see you all in my office in thirty minutes."
That got us all going again. Sorting out the furniture seemed so final. They were gone and there wasn't even a day or two of mourning. In some ways it seemed a bit harsh, and there were a few tears as we moved out what had been the favourite settees for some of the Manor students. We did keep Jessica's and Sam's normal settee, knowing they would be back. At the end though, we did have a lot more space. I'd forgotten how cramped it had seemed when they'd first arrived.
Helen and I were a bit sweaty when we went to the meeting. I know women don't refer to it as sweat, but that is exactly what it was. All that moving of furniture had left us in need of a shower. Perhaps in hindsight we should have cleaned up before this meeting, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.
"It's at times like this that I wish my office had windows," joked Mr Hobson. It looked like he had been busy moving things, as he wasn't as pristine as normal. Nor were any of the other students.
"We could come back in fifteen minutes," Stacy offered.
"I think with us all crowding in like this, that we would soon be back to the original situation, so let's press on. First off, I want to thank you all for your hard work over the last month. Having Immigration Manor here was fun, but I know it put a strain on everyone. Hopefully the next few months will be a bit easier, but there are a few things that I thought I would share with you.
"Firstly, we have just been notified that Ofsted* plans to do an inspection sometime between now and Easter. We don't know when that will be yet. They can do it with a few days notice, or they can do it as a surprise and just turn up. It used to be easier as inspections were four or five day and always started on a Monday. Now they only do a two day inspection, so might arrive at any day. We will have a bit of notice, as they will have to stop at the gate.
"I hope it doesn't happen during our affirmation," fretted Helen.
"That would make an interesting report. Secondly, we are at the early planning to play a few pieces at a school. We haven't done a school demonstration for a few years, so it'll be something new for years one and two. Finally, the no contact rule."
The room had been quite jovial and just the mention of that rule caused a change in atmosphere. There was a bit of tension in the air as we all wondered if something had gone wrong.
"Over the last few years there has been an increase in acceptance of the transgendered. So a few months ago we started an experiment to see if a pupil who'd left Hayfield a while ago could visit parents without causing issues to the school. We chose a pupil who'd left five years ago. He'd been writing occasionally, and was on good terms with his parents. His parents were initially very surprised to find they'd now got a son instead of a daughter, but so far things have gone well. So far there hasn't been any association between the transition and school and there is no danger to anybody here. Since this does potentially have huge ramification for everyone, we will be taking things slowly, so don't expect a sudden change in policy."
As Mr Hobson made this last announcement a change came over the six year representatives. There was a mixture of relief that something was happening on a policy that nobody liked, but there was also worry about what might happen if things went wrong.
Tim was the first to ask the question most of us were thinking. "Will there be trials where the gap between leaving and contact is shorter?"
"Probably. Let's see how this first one does for a bit longer and we will then start to introduce some others to see if the results are similar. We then can start to see what issues we have in common which will help refine this strategy. Any other questions?"
There weren't any.
"I'll be making an announcement on all but the contact rule tomorrow at breakfast. So if you think of any questions between then and now; please come and see me."
"Why not the no-contact rule?" asked Ingrid.
"It's too early yet. You've all demonstrated your maturity and ability to handle responsibility. I wanted you all to know about the experiment, just in case. I'd hate to give hope to the whole school and then have to take it away if things didn't go too well with the trial. If things continue to go well, then you can be sure it will be announced to everyone."
Oh great! We just managed to tell the whole year the truth about me being in the Beta team, and now I have a new secret.
The day went well with us all settling back into the routine of lessons and then it was the weekend. Why we started lessons on a Friday afternoon was beyond me. It would have been nicer to have the Friday afternoon off and start again on the Monday. On the other hand, if we'd had the Friday afternoon off, then I might have been having my chat with Rachel earlier. I wasn't looking forward to it and was glad it was on Saturday and not today.
Mrs Russell brought the afternoon's practice to order. "Welcome back to orchestra practice. You've had a week without seeing me, so I hope you haven't forgotten how to play. For our final trip of this school year we will be playing the Beethoven and Shubert symphonies that we originally practiced oh so long ago. However, you will now have Lewis conducting you, so please pay attention to his interpretation."
I don't think any of us hadn't practiced; making music was too much part of our essence. One of the good things with the American's gone is the practice rooms weren't as pre-booked as they had been. It was nice to practice in a room meant for that, instead of having to resort to my bedroom.
Lewis did have his own style, which was a little like Roberta's, and had obviously been practicing. He was still slightly wooden at times, but the orchestra supported him. I think he'd had a lot of chats with Roberta from the Manor, as he had certainly improved from his first concert in France. I think we'd all improved which I suppose isn't a surprise when you are playing with such talented people. All the hours of practice, wouldn't have hurt, either.
At breakfast, the next day, Lewis had a small smile on his face as Mr Hobson announced that we were going to do a small demonstration concert at a school. I wasn't the only one who noticed and after the announcements were finished we all pounced.
It didn't faze him and I think he was expecting it. "Hey, you lot sometimes have secrets. This one was mine. I had to know beforehand to practice."
"So what are we going to play?" asked Martha.
"You get to play your violin." When she gave a threatening look, Lewis continued. "You'll have to wait until Sunday to find out. Oh, that reminds me, Jill, after we've finished breakfast, there should be a gift waiting for you outside our common-room door."
Jill's eyes sparkled at the thought of a gift. "Really? What?"
Lewis just laughed and shook his head. It was obvious that he was enjoying teasing us. Jill seemed very eager to eat her breakfast and had to be reminded a few times that if she didn't slow down that she would get indigestion. She did finish first and then gave us all looks to hurry us along.
When we eventually finished, there, waiting outside our common-room door was an instrument case with a huge red bow around it. It had attracted the attention of some of the other years, who found it a rather odd occurrence and something they wanted to watch. So by the time Jill got to pick it up, there was quite a crowd watching.
Jill struggled with the bow, but eventually opened the case. "You all know how to embarrass someone, don't you?"
"So what is it?" Yvonne called out.
"Seems someone thought I needed another instrument. I've been given a Cor Anglais, which is a bigger version of the oboe. It has a deeper and much richer tone."
She quickly assembled it and showed it to all of us. At first glance it looked a bit like her standard oboe, but it had a crooked mouth area, it was longer, with a bell end.
"Are you going to play it for us too?"
"Probably tomorrow," she blushed. A lot of us had never actually seen a Cor Anglais, so we were all interested in getting a closer look. Jill was a good sport and was happy to show it off.
Unfortunately I didn't have time to hang around as I had a scheduled "chat" with Rachel. What a thing to do on a Saturday morning! This chat was slightly different from my normal ones as this was alone. My chats with Rachel were normally with Helen and those with Edith, about Russia, were with Stacy. Today, it was going to be a few hours with just Rachel.
I'm glad that neither Helen nor Stacy are going to be with me. I have this feeling that we will be covering issues I really don't want to talk about; embarrassing things. No matter how many times Rachel, and others, remind me, I have trouble convincing myself that the shrinks aren't judgemental. There are things I don't like talking about. I have to live with what I find. I wonder if I'll have the guts to tell Helen?
"Come on in and take a seat on the settee." Rachel's greeting was way too cheerful. Her brightly coloured top shouldn't have been allowed when someone was about to face an inquisition. Perhaps she'll put on a black cap once she is through with me. Lord have mercy upon my soul. Rachel was still messing with something at her desk and called across the room, "The announcement about your affirmation went well."
Small talk wasn't exactly what I was expecting and certainly not what I'd hoped for. Perhaps if I kept up the small talk we wouldn't have time for the proper discussion? No sooner had that thought entered my head I was dismissing it as laughable. If the discussion didn't happen, Rachel would only bring me back another time. In some ways I was surprised that I'd lasted this long without Rachel asking for this chat, as it had originally come up months ago when we broke one of the schools few rules.
Normally the coffee table by the settees had several boxes of tissues. Today the tissues were joined by other things, but none of it was making me feel enthused. There was a plate of ginger biscuits, a jug of flat cola, and several other things which I had no idea what they were. My heart sank as she came across carrying a stack of sick bowls that she'd probably acquired from one the nurses.
"You're not filling me with confidence."
At least she had the temerity to give an apologetic smile. "It's better to be prepared."
"Dib-dib-dib." I made the old scout salute. Perhaps I was being unfair, but I didn't really want this talk to happen.
Rachel didn't bat an eyelid and just took her seat. "You're not going to get out of the chat that way."
This morning was definitely getting worse. Perhaps I should have pre-programmed my PDA to set off the fire alarm, but the way Rachel was acting, I probably would get into serious trouble after she'd talked to me about my sickness. If she knew how I felt, she didn't say anything.
I sighed and decided to change tack. May be if I got it over with quickly then it wouldn't feel too bad. "Sorry. I'm just not looking forward to this chat."
"If it's any conciliation, neither am I."
That did surprise me, and also fill me with dread. How bad could this chat be if even Rachel wasn't looking forward to it? In reflection, there was one thing that had held true; Rachel was a good person and only wanted to help me think through things or work past issues. She'd never done anything to hurt me.
"Sorry?" I couldn't help myself. I had to know why.
She gave a wry smile and shook her head slightly. "Probably not for the reason you aren't looking forward to it. I don't like seeing anyone suffer and I know you don't like these chats. However, we seem to have avoided discussing this as long as we can. Whatever is going on has already made you physically sick more than once, and come close on several other occasions. The other day, Stacy said something to you which caused the reaction. Am I right in assuming that you've come up with a theory?"
"Yes." I grabbed a biscuit and nibbled. It wasn't because I was feeling sick, but rather it gave me something to do while I worked out how to explain things. "It seems I get sick when I think there is a chance of having sex."
"I see." This didn't seem to faze her. After a small ponder she asked, "Why?"
"I've no idea. I thought that was what you'd tell me."
Rachel ignored that jibe. "So why weren't you sick in Moscow? You admitted Stacy caused you to be aroused."
I'd forgotten that Stacy and I had told her about not feeling sick then. I think being so sick soon after had made me just concentrate on that.
I protested, "I don't think about having sex with every girl I meet."
"Of course not. Now, since you know that the possibility of sex is making you sick how has this affected you?"
"I suppose I know more about what to look out for. Just knowing the signs can give me a bit of control."
I'd hoped that this would be the end of it. I knew what was causing me to be sick, so what more could be done? I would soon be back downstairs with Helen and I could relax. How could I have been so wrong?
"It's good that you know the cause and it is helping you, but vomiting isn't a standard reaction to thoughts on sex. Sure, some people have different reactions but being ill isn't a common one."
"Is there something wrong with me?" I sank back on the settee, feeling disheartened.
Rachel was quick to reassure. "No, you are you. It just seems an extreme reaction and I'd like to see if there is something we can do to help you."
"I thought you said the other day that there wasn't anything physically wrong with me?"
"There isn't. However there are times when our bodies react in unusual ways and it might be due to, what appears to be, at first look, totally unrelated factors. For instance, why do people have nightmares, or sleep walk? Often it is due to fears, anxiety, stress or other things which might be able to be sorted by finding the root cause."
"I was never ill like this before coming to the school."
"If I remember right, the first time you felt ill was after you'd slept in the same bed with Helen.
I nodded.
"Prior to coming here had you ever got aroused before?"
I reluctantly shook my head. "Are you saying I'm gay or something?"
"No, I'm just showing you that you might never have had this reaction before because you were never in a situation which caused it. Additionally, you are going through puberty, which can cause all sorts of new feelings and emotions."
"I've started puberty?"
"Haven't you noticed your penis has got larger, you have hair under your armpit, and have pubic hair?"
I blushed and nodded. I remember the first time I'd been Jayne properly and how Helen had made sure I shaved under my arms. How did Rachel talk about such things and keep a straight face. I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me. This was embarrassing beyond belief.
"Didn't you do sex education in your previous school?"
"Yeah, but it was embarrassing and some of the lads kept disrupting the lesson by making silly comments. Mostly they just concentrated more on the pregnancy and birth stuff."
"Your parents never talked about it?"
I laughed at that one. "My parents would never talk about stuff like that". My embarrassment then reached new depths as Rachel spent the next hour making sure I knew the basics of male and female puberty.
"So how does this affect me being Jayne? Won't it be impossible when my voice breaks and I have to shave?"
"Does Andy have trouble being Brenda?"
"I suppose not."
"It won't be as easy as it is now, but it is possible."
"So you don't give medication to us to stop us going through puberty."
Rachel looked horrified. "No. The only people who get medication which affects puberty are pupils like Emma and Lewis who are certified transgendered. For instance, the medication that Emma is on stops her from having a male puberty and lets her go through a female one."
"Okay, so if puberty is normal, and I'm going through it, why am I getting sick when I think about having sex?"
Rachel shook her head. "If I knew that I would have told you, and we wouldn't have to find out. Each person reacts to situations differently. I once knew someone who would sneeze when they thought about sex in the abstract."
"Sneeze?"
"Sneeze. However, it never occurred when they were about to have sex or when in romantic situation. It didn't have a big impact on them, and was just one of those strange quirks."
"So why are you worrying about me now? I thought you would be happy that I can't have sex, since it is against the school rules."
"It is quite an effective barrier," agreed Rachel and my heart sank. Would she not help? "But it is having a larger impact. Stacy only had to implant the thought in your mind and you were spewing like Mount Vesuvius. There is one more thing that is generally true. Teenagers think about sex, and I don't want you erupting all over the school. It isn't good for you and also makes a mess everywhere."
At the reminder of what Stacy had said, I started to feel a bit queasy and grabbed the sick bowl. Closing my eyes and taking some deep breaths seemed to help a bit and the feeling soon faded.
"Don' worry, I'm not going to ask what Stacy said, but it must have been something."
"Stacy has a wild imagination and very descriptive vocabulary. Don't worry though, I might have a crush, but Helen means so much more."
"Have another ginger biscuit, it might help." I braced myself. If Rachel was offering me something to help control queasiness then there must be bad things coming. "How do you see your relationship with Helen in five years?"
In five years I would have been out of school for a year. This didn't seem to be a very hard question and not something to worry about sickness with. "Still with Helen. It would be too early for children or stuff like that. I'm not sure if we would go to university or go straight into employment."
"So you would like to have children? How many?"
"I've always dreamed of two; a boy and a girl."
"That's nice. Sit back and close your eyes. .... That's it. Now think back to the revue. Remember that dress Helen was wearing and the first time you saw her wearing it."
Rachel must be dense if she thinks I could forget such an occasion. I couldn't help but smile as I remembered the dress and how she looked in it. That dress was just elegant, but Helen just looked so beyond belief. I don't think she could look any better for our affirmation.
"How do you feel?"
"Fine. She looked stunning. Her dress was just one thing. But her hair and makeup just set it off perfectly. Not only did she put so much effort into the dancing, but she went all out to make sure she looked perfect too."
"What was your reaction when you saw her?"
"I wanted us to be in each other's arms. However as we got close, Andy, well Brenda really, warned me to behave. I lost my balance and slipped onto the floor. Brenda got a good laugh out of that one."
"I bet she did," replied Rachel quite dryly. "So, after the individual revues you went back to your room to get ready for the finale. What happened then?"
"I took a few pictures of Helen dressed the way she was. I wanted something to remember it by and to remind her how stunning she can look. After a bit of a kiss and cuddle we went to our individual rooms to change. Helen was having trouble unzipping her dress, so she asked for my help. As her dress slipped off, I noticed the special underwear she was wearing."
I broke off, realising how I felt. The memories of how I'd felt were too vivid. I took some deep breaths and tried to quell the rising bile. It seemed to work, but left a nasty burning sensation in my throat which I solved by a hasty drink of the flat cola.
Rachel didn't say anything, but just sat there. Did she expect me to continue? After a moment's pause, I concluded she did. I felt hurt that she wanted me to carry on. "I rushed to the toilet and thankfully was sick into the bowl, rather than on the floor. At my prompting, Helen went and got changed."
I frowned; something was nagging me. I went over the event again, but came up empty. Each time I thought about it, I seemed a bit less ill. I wonder if that was because I was expecting it? Having failed to find the issue, I thought about the concert and then on to when I went to see the nurse.
My mood quickly changed from being upset that she wanted me to relive such a traumatic event to one of fury. I jumped off the settee and stood there, my fists clenched. Rachel didn't move and just looked enquiringly at me. Looking at her just made me feel angrier so I turned and looked at the rain lash against the window. Eventually, I calmed down enough to speak.
"You knew." It came out rather bitterly rather than the raw anger I'd felt only a short time earlier.
"I knew what?" She sounded so innocent.
"What was causing me to be sick. When I left the school hospital after the revue you mentioned something about me being okay because Helen had changed her underwear. You knew then and you still made me go through this."
"I didn't know. I suspected there was something to do with sex, as this and the previous occurrences both had that element. However, I didn't know if it was just thought of sex, attempting to have sex, getting aroused or something else. Obviously that time, the thing that stood out as different was what Helen was wearing. I presumed you would have been sick earlier if it was to do with the outer costume, so I guessed it was her underwear."
I eventually started to calm down and retook my place on the settee. After a few sips of cola and a lot more deep breaths, I felt ready to continue. "So how do I get cured from this?"
"It depends on what the underlying cause is. People don't often get sick over the thought of having sex, so there must be something; we just have to find what it is. Our next sessions will investigate what could be underlying this reaction."
"Sessions?" My heart sank. I wanted to be cured, but I didn't like the way Rachel said 'sessions'. It sounded like I was going to be seeing Rachel every day.
"I don't have a magical wand to discover why you get ill. We have made big progress today in that we now know one of the triggers. But don't panic, I'm not going to recommend you come daily. Even weekly might be too frequent, as some of the questions could be ones you want to think about."
Having to think about things sounded even worse, but I don't think it could be worse than my nightmare of being sick over Helen.
Rachel continued, "One question which will give us something to think about. The other month when you and Helen broke the rules, you said you felt sick and Helen made you keep your underwear on. Did you feel sick as you continued your exploration of Helen?"
I laughed internally at the way Rachel was being polite in her description of what we'd got up to. Normally Rachel was a lot blunter and wouldn't have shied away from a rather clinical description using all the proper terms. I then turned my mind back to that night and blushed as I remembered that wonderful experience.
"No, I didn't feel sick."
Rachel must have caught a small smile that unconsciously appeared on my face. "Just because we are talking about what makes you feel sick, doesn't give you any rights to break the school rules."
"Yes, Miss."
Rachel consulted her PDA and smiled. "This is perfect timing. Helen will be setting off back in a minute, so why don't we continue this chat in two weeks? It should give us both time to ponder why the thought of playing pokey makes you ill, but other forms of intimacy, like you performing oral sex on Helen, doesn't."
"You what?"
"Oral sex is-"
I interrupted. "No. What's this about Helen coming back? She wasn't planning on going anywhere."
"She wasn't. This was a surprise thing for her and Andy. Edith took them to the shooting range. They weren't told before, so it didn't cause them, or their partners, any anxiety. You can meet Helen at the rear car park.
Not waiting to see if Rachel had anything else to say, I rushed out of the door. I hope that Helen hasn't reacted badly to this experience. I know she's recovering from the experience in Moscow, but is she ready for this?
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 53
Brian's surgery and a bithday wish.
Saturday 7th January 2006
I knew I shouldn't be running inside the building, but I didn't care. All I wanted to do was get to the car park. It was raining, but I pushed open the door and rushed outside only to find that the car hadn't arrived. The only person mad enough to be outside was Stacy, and she had been sensible enough to bring an umbrella.
"How did your session go?" Stacy enquired as we sheltered under her brolly.
"It could have been worse. At least Rachel didn't ask what you'd said to make me sick. I think she had some general ideas, but she did say she wasn't going to ask for specifics. She also said the other day that if I was going to be Beta-One next year then I would be working closely with you so there was some handover."
"That's the way it has been done in the past. This year will be a bit different though as next year's head student won't be the same as Beta-One. For me, the handover to Susan will be minor, but you two will have to come to a working relationship and decide where the boundaries are. The Beta-One handover will be a lot more work as the existing and proposed people normally cover the last field trip together, to make sure the knowledge is passed on."
The sound of a car approaching stopped our conversation and we both looked to see it arrive. I was rather surprised to see Edith get out of the front passenger seat and Andy stagger out of the rear. Helen had been driving?
"Never again," Andy moaned theatrically, as Helen got out of the driver's door.
I abandoned the shelter of Stacy's brolly and ran towards Helen. It didn't bother me that the rain started to get heavier.
"Are you okay?" I queried.
"Surprisingly, yes. I wasn't happy when we found out where we were going, but it seemed to have been okay."
"So, is that it? Are you cured?" Perhaps this was wishful thinking on my part. I took her into my arms, and hugged her. As we held each other, I felt all my worries disappear.
"Why don't we discuss this inside," suggested Edith. I realised how wet I was and we scampered inside, to get out of the rain.
Once we were all inside, Edith continued. "This has been an important step for both Helen and Andy, though I don't think we are at the end of the road just yet. Let's see how things progress before we declare anyone cured. I must admit that the four of you are very good patients. None of you have tried to rush your recovery, but on the other hand, also none of you have given up either."
As we walked back to our year room, I had the chance to ask Helen about her driving. "I didn't think you were allowed to do that yet?"
"I've only done it twice before and Edith though it might be nice for me since I'd done so well at the shooting. She also said that she'd asked that you and Stacy not tell us that you'd already had that treat the other day."
"Sorry." I hated keeping things from Helen.
She gave my hand a squeeze. "It's okay. I understand why."
"You look like a drowned rat," Paula exclaimed as I entered our year room. "Helen you're not much better!"
"I think we better sort ourselves out," Helen laughed. "I hadn't realised how wet we were."
"You two must have it bad if you miss each other for a few hours and get wet to greet each other."
I laughed at what Anna had said. "Yeah, I think I have it bad, though I was also very worried about Helen. She'd had a nice trip to the shooting range."
That grabbed everyone's attention. Well, I suppose being soaked to the skin had already done that.
"Since Helen isn't locked up, I presume she didn't go ballistic and shoot anybody?"
Martha certainly had a strange sense of humour, but it certainly broke the stillness. A small shiver from me was a stark reminder to go and change.
* * *
Sunday 8th January 2006
When we got to orchestra practice the first think I noticed was a small upright piano. This was strange, as any piano music would normally be at the front, and would be the grand. Then when the orchestra practice got under way there was a real eye opener. Lewis did the introduction and got Mrs Russell to hand out the new music. It was the reverse of what it had been only a few months ago.
I wasn't the only one who'd noticed as Kevin, my fellow French horn player, teased Mrs Russell as she handed him his music. "How do you like your new position?"
"It's great. This is the way the school orchestra should be. It's just taken a while to find someone!"
When all the music was handed out, Lewis called us all to order. "For those who like to get their music in order we will be practicing in this order; Harry Potter - Hedwig's Theme, William Tell Overture, and Liberty Bell March. Our next practice will cover Pirates of the Caribbean, Hall of the Mountain King, and Ride of the Valkyries. Some practices will be the Beethoven and Shubert so you don't forget how to play them my way."
That got him a chorus of 'Oooohs'.
"For all those not in the know, we have some different instruments for the Harry Potter. As some of you saw, Jill is going to use the Cor Anglais in this and I know she has been practicing. The other instrument I'd never come across before is the Celesta. This looks like an upright piano, but inside are bells, which is driven from the keyboard. Unfortunately I couldn't find a bow big enough to embarrass Dan, but we can rectify that as the beginning few bars are a solo."
"Oh, no pressure then," laughed Dan. "I wondered why I was asked to practice on this instrument the other day. Okay, I'm ready when you are."
"We'll do a straight run through so we all get a good feel for it, and then we'll go back and tidy up."
We didn't do a bad job as these were all very popular tunes. I would never have expected the orchestra to play such light orchestral music and even film music. However, since this was for a school, we had to tone down what we played to fit in with our audience.
The whole concert for a school sounded strange. The school gave concerts oversees, but in this country was very much hidden. From what Mr Hobson had said on Friday, it sounded like this had been done before, but to me it didn't make sense. I decided to talk to Helen about it that night.
"I'd not thought of that," mussed Helen as we snuggled up together that night. "I wonder if there is someone at the school that Hayfield is interested in."
"And they are trying to encourage them to take up an instrument."
"Or they were playing one, but they were giving up on it. You're seeing Stacy tomorrow when you have your chat with Edith, so why don't you ask her then?"
Sleep that night was disturbed as Helen woke up with a nightmare. This wasn't the first one since she'd proposed, but normally she would tell me about it, and settle back to sleep. However, tonight's seemed a bit more severe. I'd been worried she might have a nightmare after her trip to the shooting range, but last night she slept right through. So, I'd been secretly hoping that the nightmares might be over, but it seems I was so wrong.
"Do you want to tell me about it?"
"No." Helen was shaking in my arms and I just held her, hoping that this wasn't as bad as her previous nightmare.
"You're shaking."
"I know damn well what I'm doing," she snapped.
I was slightly surprised by that and relaxed my hold on her. I hadn't fully let go, but her attitude surprised me.
"Sorry," she repented.
I didn't say anything, but just waited. I didn't change my slack grip. She knew I was there, but hopefully knew I wanted more than that. She must have, as after a few minutes she did continue.
"You must hate me."
Huh? What was Helen talking about? "I don't think so."
"I've forced you to still be Jayne."
I sighed. "Helen, we've been through this before. I'm doing this until you're ready for me to go back. You are getting better. I've not seen you flinch around Andy for a bit. It's really nice to see you happy around him."
She turned round to see me and my heart beat picked up as I saw her face. She looked puzzled.
"You are?"
"Duh! I'm happy that you're happy. You have enough worry and upset at the moment that it's nice you can find something to make you happy during those sessions."
"But-"
"But nothing. I love you so much and with that comes trust."
"Nothing's ever happened."
"I know. Like I said, I trust you."
Helen smiled for the first time. It was a sort of week smile, as her eyes were still watery, and she kept sniffing. "Stop it. When you get like that, you sound thirty and not thirteen."
"By the way, Happy Birthday." I leaned over and gave her a kiss.
"I'm going to be so tired in the morning," she complained.
"Then let's go to sleep."
Morning came and we didn't feel nearly as sleepy as we'd expected. Surprisingly, we were awake before our PDA's tried to rudely interrupt our sleep. The issues that Helen had suffered during the night no longer seemed evident.
"Will you grant me a birthday wish?" Helen asked, as I headed towards my bedroom for a morning shower.
"Which is?" I hated people asking me to commit to something before telling me what it was.
"I'd love you to dress as David."
That stopped me in my tracks. I turned around and looked into her lovely eyes. "Are you ready for this?"
"I think so. I won't really know until you try though, will I?"
"I suppose not. I'll do it if you promise you'll tell me if it gets too much for you. I don't want you suffering in silence."
I was quite nervous while getting ready. I almost decided to go for pretty androgynous clothing, but decided if I was going to do this for Helen, then I would do it properly. My hair was a totally different matter, and I struggled to get it to resemble a male looking shape. This layered style was very easy to maintain when I was being female all the time, but it wasn't great when I wanted it to look masculine. Eventually, I pulled it up and put on a baseball cap. It looked a bit strange, but it was the best I could do.
Helen came into my room, took one look at me and smiled. There was no flinching, no frown, no flood of tears and certainly no breakdown. I was still pretty pessimistic about the situation as Helen had only lasted a few hours when she proposed. Time had moved on, and she had got better, but I still doubted I would still be dressed in male clothes by afternoon orchestra practice.
When we entered our year-room, the Happy Birthday wishes quickly tailed off as they saw me dressed as David. Perhaps I was being a bit cruel to Helen, but I wanted to know for sure if she could cope, so I used all the skills I'd learnt in boy lessons. I think Martha and Erika had seen more of me as Jayne, so seeing me as David in full male mode was more of a shock for them. Actually it was a shock for me too. Besides the time I was outside in Russia, I hadn't made a conscious effort to be seen as male since the trip to London soon after Immigration Manor arrived.
"Why are you David today?" asked Paula.
"Helen's birthday wish," I responded as simply as I could.
I wasn't going to say any more than that, but Helen did. "I was upset last night, worried that David would never come back. I'm not reacting badly anymore to what happened, and I thought it was a good time to see if I can cope."
"And if you can't cope?" Anna asked Helen, looking a bit worried.
Before Helen could answer, I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Then I go change. I'm sure that Helen will be fine, so let's not worry and go and have breakfast."
It seemed strange me saying that as it was normally Lewis's phrase, but he wasn't here. He was keeping Brian company in the hospital wing.
Being David didn't go unnoticed as we walked into the dining room. Becky was the psychiatrist sat on our table today. Her eyebrows shot up when she saw how I was dressed. I wasn't sure what she had been told about why Helen was having issues with me being David, but Rachel or Mr Hobson must have said something to the other psychiatrists. She didn't say anything, but as breakfast progressed, I noticed she was keeping a careful watch on both of us.
The two empty seats at our table also didn't go unnoticed, and I'm sure many theories were being proposed by those on the other year tables. However, it wasn't unheard of for people to miss a meal for various reasons, so things didn't get too wild. I almost laughed at some of the ideas I heard. Everyone on our table kept Brian's privacy and nobody gave the truth away. I was sure by lunchtime that it would be known that Brian was having surgery.
As breakfast finished, I received a message from Lewis asking if I could visit. The first full day of lessons after the Christmas break and I was being called away. At least the first lesson was advanced computer studies, where I was well in advance of the others in the class.
I showed the message to Helen. "I hope not to be too long."
Helen nodded. "I'll tell Julia."
I snuck off before the year left the dining room, knowing Helen would take care of letting the others know why I'd disappeared. I know Helen was going to tell Julia, but I still felt a bit bad about missing the lesson, so once I was out of the dining room, I rang her. I didn't want to tell her too much, to protect Brian's privacy, so I just told her that Brian was in the hospital and was asking for me.
"And there goes my help!" She then turned more serious. "Student welfare comes first, as you've probably been told many times before. If you don't make the lesson then I'm sure you will catch up from Helen. Tell Brian that I wish him a speedy recovery."
"How much do you know?"
"Mr Hobson let Brian's teachers know that he would be out of action for at least a week. He didn't tell us what was wrong, and nobody asked. Now stop worrying and do what you need to."
I smiled as I trotted down the corridor. I hadn't thought about notifying the staff about Brian being away, but it made sense for Mr Hobson to tell them. As I approached the reception, I saw Sally coming out of one of the rooms. She was one of the nurses who'd worked with Mr Millard, the surgeon who operated on Stacy, so I presume he was doing the surgery on Brian.
"Hi Sally, is Brian in there?"
"Ah, David wasn't it? Are you a relative or have an appointment?"
"No, I'm not a relative, but I do have a message from Lewis asking me to visit." I showed her my PDA.
"Yes, Brian is in there. I'll be back in there myself in a few minutes."
I slipped into the room. There was no music like when Stacy occupied the room, but a worried silence.
"Hi Jay....David?"
"A birthday wish for Helen. Lewis, did you get any breakfast?"
"Yes, the nurse made sure I had something."
"Sally?"
"Yeah, that's her."
"So, you asked me to visit?" I enquired, deciding I needed to get things back on track.
"I asked Lewis to send the message," said Brian. "He said he was going to wait for me here, but then he will just be fretting all by himself. Will you stay with him?"
"Lewis, why don't you just come to class? A bit of Computer Studies and Geography will take your mind off things."
"But I won't be able to concentrate. I'll be so worried about what's happening. I want to be here when Brian comes back from surgery."
"It isn't that you will be miles away. If you're needed, you can be here in a few minutes. And I'm sure that Sally will ring you as soon as he is out of surgery."
As if on cue, Sally came into the room.
"Ah Sally, we were just mentioning you. Brian is fretting a bit about Lewis waiting here on his own. Would it be possible for you to ring him when you've finished?"
Sally gave a reassuring smile. "We always contact the study partners of someone undergoing surgery as soon as they are about to leave the recovery room. This operation isn't going to be as long as some we do, but it isn't going to be five minutes, either."
Brian looked at Lewis in a pointed way and Lewis reluctantly gave in. "Okay, I'll go to lessons when Brian goes in."
There was a knock on the door and in came Mr Millard. I thought I saw a glimpse of recognition, but he didn't say anything to me, which made me wonder if I'd really seen anything.
"Would you all mind waiting outside while I discuss the operation with Brian?"
"They both know what's going on," said Brian. "Is it okay if they stay?"
"Sure. I just want to make sure that you still want to go through with what was discussed?"
"Yes, remove female parts that need removing which we identified in our discussion. If anything new is found that didn't show up on the ultrasounds, then it should be left unless it would kill me and then only after you'd got permission from Becky."
"How long will it take?" asked Lewis.
"Barring complications, three hours." He turned back to Brian. "I will go through your post-operative recovery when you're awake." Mr Millard then turned to me. "David, are you the year leader?"
He did remember me. "One of them. Helen, my study partner is the other."
"Only one of you is needed, as I'm sure you will update each other. I just need you to keep an eye on Brian during his recovery to make sure that he doesn't rush things and that you don't expect too much of him."
"Will Becky have all the do's and don'ts?"
"Yes, though I'll send you an email too, so I know that you have them."
"Yes, Sir."
He turned back to Brian. "Do you have any other questions before we do this?"
"No."
"Excellent. A trolley will be here in about fifteen minutes to take you to theatre. David, you weren't here expecting to view me at work again, were you?"
"I was here because Brian and Lewis asked me to be."
"I thought you were teasing us when you said you were with Stacy when she had her op," gasped Brian.
Lewis looked slightly unwell. "I hate the sight of operations. My mum used to watch these reality programs set at hospitals and seeing an operation was horrid."
"I know Lewis," soothed Brian. "I wasn't going to ask if you could go with me. But, Mr Millard, would it be okay if David came along? I would feel much better if there was someone with me."
Mr Millard frowned and really didn't look happy. I think he was regretting joking with me. "This is really against all the rules." Before Brian could protest, he continued. "Let me go and speak with my team and see if they would mind."
Sally, who had disappeared while Mr Millard spoke to us, came back and started prepping Brian. "We had a student here last week who asked if she could wake up to some music. They seemed to have a much smoother wakeup, even though they'd just gone through a rather large operation. Would you like something like that?"
"That sounds really cool. I would normally listen to Pink, but perhaps something smoother would be better. Lewis, who was that composer that Anna put on the other week? You know the nice relaxing one."
"Not sure."
"You know, he composed the James Bond music."
"Oh, him."
I had my PDA out. "John Barry. The Beyondness of Things."
"I've never heard of that," apologised Sally.
I punched a few buttons on my PDA, and the first track starting to play.
"That's it," exclaimed Brian excitedly.
"Hey, you're supposed to be calming down," said Sally quite seriously. "If you have more excitement like that and I'll have to throw you all out."
We all uttered our apologies and Sally left us to ourselves.
"So how is Helen been with you back being David?"
"So far, quite well, but it probably will help her that I'm not sitting next to her in class."
"Why the cap?"
"I haven't had chance to see the hairdresser yet. Well, actually I don't want to get it restyled until I know I'm not going back to Jayne right away."
There was a knock and in walked Mr Millard. "David, as you were so well behaved last time, the team has agreed to give you another view. However, any interruptions and you will have to leave."
"Of course." I was slightly bewildered. It had been Brian who'd mentioned me being with him. I'd have been very happy going to lessons.
"Now, please come with me so you can start to scrub up."
"Lewis, can you let Helen know what's going on and will you also let Edith know, as I had a meeting with her."
When I was putting on the operating theatre garb it didn't seem as strange as last time. I did get a small smile from Mr Millard when I took of my cap to put on a theatre one, but he didn't say anything.
I met back up with Brian just before he was sedated. He looked relieved when he saw me all dolled up in surgical green. "Thanks for doing this."
"That's what friends are for, but don't expect me to do it again. I doubt this would ever be allowed outside school, and I'm not sure how it is being allowed here."
The anaesthetist was the same one that anesthetised Stacy. I wasn't told his name then and he didn't offer it now. However, he gave a small smile of recognition. "David, I take it you're missing lessons to be here?"
"Yes."
"You'll never get anywhere if you keep skipping classes like that. So come here, and let me show you in more detail why I'm the most skilled person in this team."
Mr Millard, who was hovering in the background, snorted. I tried my best to keep a straight face and concentrate on what I was being shown.
Obviously I wasn't able to touch any of the equipment, but the operation was an eye-opener. I'm not sure if Mr Millard was trying to compete, after hearing all the explanation by the anaesthetist, but he proceeded to explain every step of the surgery. I was told why he was doing what he was, why he was choosing the instrument or knife he did. His assistant even joined in and mentioned what organs they were looking at and the reason for removing the ones they did. This was certainly one of the most comprehensive biology lessons I'd ever had.
As they prepared to wheel Brian out, I thought I better say something. "Thank you for letting me glimpse you all in action."
"You were very attentive," smiled Mr Millard. "It is nice that our skills are appreciated. Though don't expect such treatment every time I'm doing an operation on someone you know."
"Yes, sir."
I turned on the music Brian had requested and waited. I wasn't sure how long he was going to be unconscious. Last time, I'd not been included in so much, and had assumed that they just left the patient until they woke up, and then wheeled them to their room. Instead, this time I saw there were frequent checks on his pulse, breathing, temperature, blood pressure, oxygen saturation and numerous other things. The anaesthetist was always there, just in case something went wrong.
When Brian was nearly ready to be moved back to his hospital room, Sally rang Lewis. There had been no point in ringing him earlier, as he'd just have been waiting and worrying. As it was, he was pacing when Brian was eventually wheeled in.
"Was everything okay?" Lewis asked me.
"I'm not the best one to ask, but things looked good and Mr Millard looked very pleased. Sally?"
"Everything went as expected. Now relax and wait for Brian to wake up again. The doctor will be in later to explain everything and I'm told that your Dr Sue will be here in a few minutes."
I felt a bit in the way. "I'd better get to Helen. When we're given the all clear, I know I'll be visiting."
The surgery had gone smoother than expected, so I made it to lunch just as the others were arriving. Helen looked a bit surprised when I appeared. I wasn't sure though if it was because I was David, or because she didn't expect me to be back in time.
"How's Brian?"
"His operation was a success. Lewis was with him when I left. How were lessons this morning?"
"You were missed, especially in Computer Studies, though neither of the teachers had any issues, since you were with Brian. However, since you weren't able to see Edith, they thought it would be nice if I had a chat with Rachel and Edith about how I felt about you being back as David."
"Oh," I uttered, feeling a bit small. I'd not thought of that happening. "Are you okay?"
"At the moment, yes. I've been warned though; 'not too much too soon', whatever that means."
"Are you okay with me being like this? Do you need me to change?"
"I'm okay for now. Oh, you've now got the joy of seeing Edith tomorrow at eleven."
After lunch, our first lesson was a new one for us. Life Facts. As we walked to the class, I wondered what this lesson was about. Strangely there was no information, and no teachers listed, just the class title and where it was to be held.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 54
Are some things best left unsaid?
Monday 9th January 2006, afternoon
We all arrived at the classroom, well apart from Brian and Lewis. The room wasn't laid out like any of the other classrooms that I'd been in at this school. Instead, there were six two-seat settees set on a thick carpet that made you want to walk barefooted. Covering the window weren't the usual blinds, but there was a set of curtains that were closed. They were heavy enough to totally black out the room if the lights were off.
"Don't just stand there, come on in," greeted Keith, one of the five school psychiatrists. Standing next to him was his wife, and fellow school psychiatrist, Becky. "Slightly different from your standard classroom, isn't it?"
"Are you teaching us?" asked Anna, sounding surprised.
"I wouldn't say teaching, as this isn't a normal lesson," answered Keith. "It's a discussion about life, things that might be affecting some of you, and where you are going in life."
"Sorry if I'm a bit late," Lewis puffed, as he burst into the room. It looked like he'd run to be here. "Brian's asleep, and the nurse kicked me out. He probably won't be awake again for a few hours." Lewis took a seat on the empty settee. He looked lonely sitting there alone, with the rest of us in pairs, but refused any offers to sit with another pair.
Becky explained, "We will be leading this class together, as some topics might be best coming from a specific gender basis. We want this to be a very open format. So if there is a topic you wish to discuss, please bring it up. Some of the topics might be difficult or embarrassing to some of you, and if that happens please let one of us know and we will see if we can make things easier; though that isn't always possible. I believe when talking about difficult subjects, you normally drag the settees to one side and huddle in the middle. Feel free to do this if you need to, as you are all here for each other."
This didn't sound very good. I looked around and the others looked apprehensive. "So what are we going to discuss?" I asked.
"Quite a variety of topics. We'll start with something the government insists all schools teach; sex-education. The schools have to teach, but parents have a right to ask their child be excused. We've already spoken to your parents, and all have given their permission. Even though we have parental permission, this school operates differently and you have the chance to opt out. If any of you want to be excused then please discuss this with us, your support staff, or with your year leaders."
I thought Rachel said we weren't going to do this until after Easter. After what I went through with Rachel the other day, this is going to be so embarrassing.
"Okay," said Keith. "Now Becky has done all the admin stuff, let's get on with the interesting things. The first topics will be sexual reproduction, foetal development and puberty. That should then have us covering most of what we are required to teach, then we can move onto the more interesting topics. I am aware that some of you never plan to be in a heterosexual relationship, but the initial discussions will be set in that scope. We will cover other forms of relationships at a later stage. One word or warning, this is a theory only lesson. You have all been warned that under-age sex is illegal. Just because we are talking about sex, doesn't give you an excuse to practice it."
I looked around and noticed that we all were looking slightly embarrassed. I don't think any of us wanted to discuss things, just in case it got a bit personal. I raised my hand.
Becky noticed, "Yes, David?"
"Helen and I have already done sex—ed." I didn't want to mention the discussion I'd had with Rachel the other day.
That got a lot of sniggers and I realised what others must be thinking.
Helen glared at them. "No, what David meant was that at our previous school we'd already had these lessons."
"Anybody else already covered this in your old school?"
Only Emma raised her hand.
"You three have got two options. Either sit through the first few classes as a refresher, or come back when we've finished this section." He paused and smiled. "I'm sure some extra work can be set for you."
We quickly decided that it would be better to stay. The threat of other work, which we might not like, wasn't all that appealing.
"Excellent. Now for a show of hands. Who has seen a naked female? I'm not going to ask who, so don't be nervous."
I was shocked that we could be asked such a question. However, after some encouraging looks from Becky and Keith we gradually raised our hands, while all trying to not look at each other. Even Keith and Becky raised theirs, which got a few sniggers.
"A full show. We don't get this every year. Okay, how about a naked male?"
Paula wasn't going to raise her hand, but Emma grabbed it and brought it up. This didn't go unnoticed and Keith decided to bring it up. "Emma, what made you do that?"
"Paula was trying to be polite. Everyone knows that I'm transgendered and was born a boy. I still have all my boy parts, and when there was the two suicide watches Paula saw me naked. Hence she should have raised her hand. It wouldn't have affected what people know. It could have been her brother when young or something else."
"Okay, let's try this again. Who has seen a naked male?"
Everyone raised their hands, including Erika, whom I hadn't noticed doing so before. I wonder if Erika had the same problem as Paula. Martha hadn't been shy about telling us she used to be Martin last month and perhaps this was an unwelcome reminder for Erika.
"I think this is a first," said Becky. "Okay, since you've all seen the parts, hopefully nobody should have any issues if we refer to them using proper terms. Now, on to the nitty-gritty of things."
Initially the "discussion" was embarrassing, but nothing seemed to faze Keith or Becky. When we all seemed to want to sink into the floor, one of them would crack a joke about the other and drag us all on. The videos they showed were the same as we'd had when we'd done sex-education previously, but since nobody was playing up, we actually learned something this time.
"We've seen how babies are made and the stages of development of the foetus," Keith wrapped up. "What we didn't cover was how this development affects the person carrying the baby, or babies. So tomorrow we are going to divert from what we are obliged to discuss this aspect."
As we were leaving, I couldn't believe how quickly the double-lesson had gone.
There was enough time before orchestra practice to visit Brian. However, none of us wanted to step on Lewis's feet. He'd not seen Brian much since the operation, and Lewis might have wanted to have some time with just the two of them. As we got up, I received a delayed message from Brian, asking me for a favour.
I got to orchestra practice a little early to have a word with Stacy, who was tuning up her violin, but paused when she saw me hovering. After I explained what I wanted, she agreed to help.
"How is Helen coping with you being back as David?"
"Better than I expected. It might have helped that I wasn't around much this morning." At her questioning look I continued, "Like you, Brian asked me to stay for his surgery."
Stacy smiled. "Good. Did you get a good explanation from the surgeon and anaesthetist?"
I gave her a questioning look, but she continued without explaining herself. "When everyone is here I'll do as you asked."
When the rest had arrived, Stacy had a quick word with Mrs Russell who disappeared. Stacy turned to face the orchestra, she called for attention. "David has an important update."
The room went quiet and everyone turned towards me as I stood. Feeling a little better prepared this time, my legs didn't feel as wobbly when everyone looked at me.
"As many of you have noticed, Brian wasn't at breakfast or lunch. He asked me to give you a small update. He had an operation this morning." I saw some worried faces and realised I'd missed something. "It wasn't an emergency. It had been scheduled for a bit; and no, it wasn't Gender Reassignment Surgery." This got a few laughs. "The operation went according to plan and since lunch he's been recovering. Brian will be the guest of our hospital for a few more days, and is under strict instructions to rest for at least a week. You'll not be surprised to hear that Lewis will not be conducting us today, as he is spending some needed time with Brian. Mrs Russell will be back in a few minutes as a replacement. Anybody who wants to visit, and isn't in year-one, will have to wait until tomorrow."
I sat down and breathed a sigh of relief. I hated standing up in front of everyone, but seemed to be getting better at it. Why do I always get to do the announcements for our year? Since Helen is joint year-leader, maybe she should do the next one.
After our evening meal, all of year-one went to visit Brian. He was propped up on a hospital bed, with Lewis sitting by his side.
"How are you feeling?" Paula asked eventually, as we were all hovering, not really knowing what to say.
"Relieved it's over. I'm tired a lot, which I'm told is normal and is a good sign. They say I've just got to rest and not fight the naps my body will say I need."
"Can we update year-D at The Manor?" asked Martha. "They were asking how it had gone. So far we've only said that it seemed okay."
"Of course. Sorry, I should have said earlier. David should be able to tell them a lot more of what happened than I can."
"Hey, you've had a few other things on your mind," reassured Lewis.
"Be glad you missed that sex-education class," sighed Helen.
Brian laughed a bit at all our faces.
"That bad?"
"Don't worry, they're saving the really bad stuff until you're back," joked Erika.
They all laughed, apart from Helen and me. I let Helen run with this one. "You know when Keith said, 'more interesting topics'? I have a bad feeling that we might find some even more embarrassing."
"So what have you heard?" demanded Paula.
Helen and I turned bright red and looked at each other. Neither of us wanted to say.
There must have been something in Helen's face, as Paula blushed and said, "They can't expect to talk about that in front of the whole class?" Helen just nodded.
Lewis buried his head, realising what we were talking about. "I thought I'd never have to think about that again."
"What?" asked an exasperated Brian.
"Periods," Lewis mumbled.
"Anything else?" asked Anna, not really sounded bothered about it. She must have felt there was something else, since she probably wouldn't have thought I'd blush at the mention of periods.
I decided that using Rachel's words were slightly less embarrassing. I mumbled, "Self gratification."
A solitary "Huh?" came from Brian. I wonder if he wasn't totally recovered from the anaesthetic.
I shook my head, as I couldn't say any more. Martha wasn't as shy and explained.
Brian broke the embarrassment with, "I think it's going to take me until the class has finished before I'm ready to leave here." That got us all laughing again, and we settled into our more usual chats.
When I noticed Brian starting to look tired, I suggested we all make our way back to our year's common-room.
"How's my birthday girl doing?" I asked Helen as we walked down the corridor.
"This is the strangest birthday I've ever had."
"Yeah, it seemed like it." It dawned on me that I'd missed some of her birthday. "I'm sorry I wasn't with you most of the morning."
"Don't be silly. Brian needed you."
We got to our common room, and found a big box waiting by the door, with the words 'Helen' in big letters on the top. Helen gave a yelp of joy and eagerly removed the top to reveal a cake. It was one of the things the school did, but you could never know when the cake would appear. Having it appear this late though was unusual, but probably so we couldn't share any with Brian so soon after his surgery. We surged into the common room, so we could all have some. Cake never seemed to last too long.
"Lewis, I'm putting a piece to one side for Brian," said Helen, as she cut the cake. "I repeat; this is for Brian and not a spare slice for you."
"Spoilsport," he laughed. I wondered how much Lewis was laughing at Helen's joke, or at how close she was to the truth.
"That goes for the rest of you, too!" I don't know why she was looking at me. I still find cakes a treat and wouldn't eat somebody else's slice.
It was nice to relax with a slice of cake and chill. One good thing so far about the life skills lesson was no homework, though I'm sure that would change. I had some catching up to do, but we didn't have those lessons again until Wednesday, so it could wait.
As it got towards bedtime, I saw Helen start to wobble. Today had been quite busy, and seemed to take her mind off things. Now it was quiet and relaxed, she had time to think about things.
"I'm getting tired, so might go up," I said, rising from the settee.
"Make that two of us," said Helen, snapping out of her thoughts.
When we were out of the lounge I asked, "Bedroom or Rachel?"
She flashed me a weak smile. "Bedroom. Was I that obvious?"
I quickly reassured her. "No. Don't forget I know you a bit better than they do. You've been doing really well today."
"I'm not sure why, but it was having a little time to think about things that happened. I wasn't that upset. Edith did tell me that I could continue to have little episodes. She also told me that I should seek attention if they get too bad."
"Do you need me to be Jayne tonight?" I asked, concerned that there would always be a bit of Moscow with her.
"It would be nice, but no. I think I'd like to finish the night with you as David. Thanks for making my birthday wish come true. I just hope you have as good a birthday on Friday, only not so eventful."
I smiled at the thought of my birthday. The calendar had nothing major scheduled, so I hoped Helen's uneventful idea came true.
Tuesday 10th January 2006
Just before eleven I met up with Stacy and we headed off to see Edith. As we went up the stairs, I asked, "Stacy, can we have a chat later, about this school visit?"
She smiled, in a knowing kind of way. "Of course. I expected this yesterday, but I suppose you were a bit busy."
"You must have more on your plate, yet you seem to always have time for people."
"Practice, that's all. When you are in year-five, I'm sure it won't be an issue for you, either."
When we got to Edith's office, the door was wide open and we could see her sat at her desk, tapping away on her computer. She must have heard us, as she looked up and asked us to come in.
"Sorry about yesterday," I apologised, as we all sat down on the settees.
"As I understand it, you were helping someone from your year, is that correct?” As I nodded she continued. “Then there's nothing to apologize for. While important, the exact timing of our chat wasn't that critical. As it turned out I was able to have a very nice chat with Helen, to see how she was getting on. So how have you both been?"
"I've had no issues," responded Stacy. "I've been to places alone, and haven't had any effects."
"Same for me," I added.
"What about being back as David? How did you deal with yesterday?"
"I was more worried about how Helen was."
Edith shook her head. "That wasn't my question. I want you to take a few minutes and go over yesterday in your mind. How did you feel about yourself being back as David?"
I stopped to think and came up blank. "I don't know. So much happened yesterday that I didn't really have time to take it in. Some of it was hard, but then I find it hard getting people to see me as male. More than once, someone has called me Jayne, only to then correct themselves to David. Who I am and how I feel about myself is an ongoing discussion with Rachel."
"Have you booked yourself to see the hairdresser?"
"Yes, for this evening. I held off just in case."
"I see." Edith paused and looked at both of us. "Your teachers all seem to think that both of you are coming on very well. David, I was a bit concerned about how Helen was going to react with you being back as male. However, she survived a whole day, and hasn't backed down yet. Please watch her, as it is not uncommon for the stress to return with little or no warning. If that happens, reactions may well be totally different from her normal character. Even little changes in character can be a clue."
"You mean like when I tried to commit suicide?"
"It could be something like that. In your case, you didn't want to discuss the situation, you believed yourself trapped and thought there was no way out. Only afterwards did you find there was. In some ways Helen is a bit more open than you, but in other ways she can be just as stubborn."
"Do you think Helen will take a turn for the worse?" I was quite worried. I didn't want anything to cause her issues.
"To be honest, there is no way to know. There are cases where years later, some event triggers a flashback. The four of you, and several of the others to a lesser extent, experienced events that put a lot of stress on you. You've all progressed far better than we'd hoped. We have hopes that even if something were to trigger this, you’ll all become better at recognizing the onset and that we’ll have helped you have the tools you need to deal with them. For instance, Stacy said in an earlier session that she still gets occasional nightmares from her rape."
I looked at Stacy, worried if she would have a bad reaction to that reminder, but she just nodded.
"Since this is going to be a short session, I'd like you to get out your PDA's and send me a note with your top ten deserts, or puddings, I think some of you call them. Put them in order, with number one being your favourite. Now I know that ten might take a few minutes, so I'll leave you to it."
Edith got up and left, leaving me rather surprised. I'd had some strange requests in therapy sessions before, but this one seemed totally out there. However, I did as requested. Now if she'd asked for my top three, it would have been easy, but ten?
After a few minutes, I was stuck. I had six, but couldn't think of any more. "How many have you got?"
"Seven," Stacy responded, in deep thought. "This isn't as easy as it first seemed."
There were so many delicious meals at the school and I liked most, but would I go and say they were a favourite? I thought about putting some okay ones on the list, but decided at the last minute to stick with the ones I'd put.
I didn't have time to say more when Edith came back in. "All done?"
"I've got six," I responded
"And I've got seven," added Stacy. "I can't think of more what I would describe as favourites."
"That's okay. Send them across and let's see if it is enough." Her PDA pinged as she received them. It didn't take her long before she responded, "Excellent, we have enough for both of you. On Saturday, I have something planned for the two of you. In the meantime, we seem to have finished early, so go and relax."
I was slightly surprised as we walked out of the door. It didn't seem to make sense as we'd hardly talked about things. I don't think I'll ever understand therapists.
"Do you want that chat now?" asked Stacy.
"Sure."
We went downstairs and into the empty parlour room. The piano wasn't in the same place, and I wondered what had been happening in there.
"So?" asked Stacy as we sat down.
"The concert we're doing at the school. I take it there is someone there that needs some encouragement?"
"Yes. They were learning an instrument, but seemed to get a lot of ribbing for it. Even though they see people playing guitars and keyboards in pop groups, music can sometimes still seem to cause conflicts. As you saw, the music at this concert is a lot different from what we normally play; film and popular classics."
One question down, a few to go. "You implied being shown Brian's surgery was planned. Why?"
"Because it is good to know what happens in cases like that." Stacy paused, like she was wondering how much to say. She must have decided it was okay to tell me, because she continued. "Many years ago, a British spy was involved in an incident in a foreign country and needed medical attention. They thought the people involved with the operation weren't involved; they were wrong and the agent died due to the wrong level of anaesthetic being given to them. Nobody is expecting you to carry out a medical operation, but it is hoped that you'll know enough to recognise something that might be wrong."
There goes my inquisitive mind again. In some scary way it makes sense, but perhaps it was too much information. If I could just accept things at face value, my life would be easier, but I don't seem to be able to do that.
"So are Helen and I still with the beta team? If so, are we the two that Andy and you will handover to?"
"That is for Mr Hobson to tell you. However, it seems likely. Why?"
I had come this far, but suddenly felt nervous. I hoped this didn't cause issues with them. "Umm, Helen has a bit of a crush on Andy."
"Don't worry, we know. Just like we know you have some feelings about me."
I felt like crying in embarrassment. "I'm sorry," I muttered.
"Andy and I think very highly of the two of you. However, I don't think you would want to risk your relationship with Helen, would you?"
"No." I felt mortified. I thought I'd hidden my feelings, but obviously not enough.
"And I wouldn't want to risk Andy, either. Now, it is good that you told me this. Actually it is really good, as we will be spending lots of time together. We need to be honest with each other and our partners, otherwise it could cause issues. Also there is another barrier; age. I'm eighteen and you're nearly fourteen. It wouldn't only be the school that would get upset with us if things went further than they have."
"Sorry."
"Don't be. I'm honoured you feel like you do. To me you're a great friend. Now, let's move on and discuss the handover. If Mr Hobson does agree with you being the next beta-one, you will need to be involved with a lot more of the planning for the next trip. Once agreed we will also need to sit down with Susan who will be next year's head student. I will have a word with Mr Hobson later, and see what he says. On top of that, Helen, you, Ingrid and Fran need to continue your training."
The words, "You're a great friend", echoed through my mind. It was like someone had just punched me in my stomach and I could hardly concentrate on the rest of our chat.
When I got back to the year-one common room, Helen took one look at me and rushed across, "What happened? You look awfully upset."
"I told her."
"Told who-" she trailed off as I mouthed 'Stacy'. "Oh shit." Then as if coming to a decision, "We're going for a walk to discuss this, now!" She called out to the two others in the room not to worry if we weren't at lunch.
I snorted a bit at that. Not being at lunch was something to worry about, especially for Helen. The others in our year will wonder what's going on if we aren't there. Helen grabbed our coats as we left, and I followed her outside, to the benches at the back of the school.
Sitting outside wasn't really a popular thing in the middle of winter, so there was no better place for a bit of privacy. At least it wasn't raining.
Helen put her arms around me. "What did you tell her?"
I filled her in on the conversation.
"And she didn't say anything really about it apart from they already knew, and that basically they were too old and nothing could ever happen?"
I burst into tears. "I'm sorry," I sobbed out.
"Why?" she said pulling me close. "I know how you feel about Stacy, and I know how you feel about me."
I nodded and gladly took the tissue she passed me. Where did she find them? "Are you okay?" I asked when I was a bit calmer.
She shrugged. "I'm a bit embarrassed that Andy knew and hadn't said anything."
"I hope they're not laughing at us." I started crying again, but not as heavily as a few moments before.
"I'll deck them if they are," said Helen angrily.
"Calm down." I tried to pull myself together. "You'll get into so much trouble if you hit someone."
"So? Well if they do rub it in, they will know about it." She paused and looked like she was trying to calm herself down. "Let's get to lunch before we are missed."
We rushed in, dumping our coats in our common-room as we dashed towards the dining-room. We only just made it in time. I deliberately didn't look towards the year-five table.
There were a lot of enquiring faces as we sat down. Helen just said, "All sorted," in such a positive way it seemed to placate most. Only Dan, today's psychiatrist at our table, didn't seem convinced. I was watched like a hawk during lunch, and then, during the Life Skill's lesson that afternoon, Keith and Becky seemed to watch both me and Helen more than the others.
I managed to get through the lesson in one piece, and was just walking out of the door when Becky stopped us and asked Helen and me to stay for a minute.
"What's going on with you two? David you look like you are about to burst into tears at any moment, and Helen, you look like you're very pissed off."
"Something happened earlier which upset David, and that's pissed me off," said Helen. "However we are talking about it."
"I see," said Becky. "David, can I ask what upset you so much?"
"I don't want to get into the details. Can I just say that it was a misunderstanding, which I'd rather taken to heart? I'm sure that by tomorrow I'll feel better."
"If you don't, or feel worse, then please talk to Rachel."
"I'm sure you will be telling her about this conversation, anyway."
Becky smiled. "Of course." She turned her head to look directly at Helen. "If you'd taken up boxing, I would have recommended you go and do a few rounds. Since you haven't, how would you like to go for a run with me?"
"A run?" Helen sounded very surprised.
"Sure. I think you need to work off some tension, and as crass as it sounds, sometimes a bit of physical activity will help. Why don't you go and get changed, and I'll meet you at the entrance in say ten minutes? We should be back in time for orchestra practice."
I suppose Helen could have said no, but the way Becky phrased it, it wasn't really a request. When I saw her at orchestra, Helen was looking less likely to hit someone, but there was still the air of anger there.
We were a very subdued pair that evening, and I wished that I'd kept my mouth shut. I went to bed that night wondering if telling the truth was always for the best.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 55
Saturday 14th January 2006
On Tuesday, Edith had told Stacy and me that she had something planned for today. In the awkward and painful days since my chat with Stacy, it wasn't something I'd been looking forward to. I'd tried my best to forget the last few days, including my birthday. Helen had tried to put on a brave face, but when we'd been alone in our bedroom, we would both soon be in tears.
Just before breakfast both Helen's PDA and mine pinged. The message said to meet Mr Hobson in his office after breakfast where he would explain Edith's task to us. The attendees shown on the invite were Helen, Stacy, Andy and me. My heart sank. How can I face being near Stacy, after what she'd said on Tuesday?
"Today's task is quite simple," said Mr Hobson. "You are going to take part in a little quiz, similar to what you did in France. Rachel will drive you to the train station where you'll take the train into London. This is where the quiz will take place. If you have any issues, ring the contact on your travel PDA's marked 'Issues'. In London you will split into pairs and follow the orders that will appear on your PDA's. If any of the prompts are confusing, ring the issues line. Once you have all finished, come back to the local train station and Rachel will pick you up. Any questions?"
There were none. I know Mr Hobson liked to keep things simple, but I doubt anybody could misunderstand. Heck, there was even a big shiny button on the front screen marked 'Have Issue'. I don't think he was leaving anything to chance. We were each armed with some cash and a debit card.
Rachel was waiting with the minibus and we were all driven to Leighton Buzzard railway station. This was the first time that all four of us had been together, alone, since my chat with Stacy admitting our feelings and we all seemed a bit strained. When I'd told Helen that Andy and Stacy had already known how we felt, she had felt as horrified as I had. Since Wednesday, she had avoided Stacy and Andy.
When we got to the station, Rachel turned to us and said, "Before you go, we need a little chat. Let me come round and climb in the back with you."
We all looked at each other, nervously. I'm sure it didn't go unnoticed as Rachel seemed to be very alert as she got in the back.
"What's going on? I have some ideas, but I want to hear it from you. Stacy, why don't you explain, since you are head student?"
Stacy just shook her head. I was surprised, as Stacy normally would have explained her actions. To not do so, was just not like her.
"Okay," said Rachel calmly. "Let's see how I do. You have been discussing you cross partner feelings and you are unsure how to react with each other now it is out in the open. Am I right?"
None of us answered.
"I take it that a lack of a denial that I'm close enough to the truth. The question is, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to pretend that it isn't there? Are you going to lie to yourselves? Or are you going to sit down together and talk about it to find out you aren't all jumping to conclusions?"
Again, we were silent. None of us wanted to get into a discussion about this, especially with Rachel.
"Okay, I think this needs to be discussed, and you will have plenty of time on the train when it's just the four of you. You were going to be allowed to decide what teams you have. However, in light of these issues, I think you should be Andy and David as one team, leaving Stacy and Helen as the other."
Internally I gasped. I couldn't believe that Rachel would do such a thing. What a fiend!
"I'll see you later," said Rachel, getting out of the minibus and indicating we should get going. "I hope you have fun."
When we were safely away from Rachel, Helen blurted out, "I can't believe she did that."
"Welcome to the nicer side of Dr Ruiz," shrugged Stacy. "She is forcing us to address the issue in some practical way, rather than just talk about it with us."
"Oh," said Helen, like me, not having thought about that scenario.
While we were chatting with Rachel, we'd missed a train, and I thought we might have to hang around for ages, but a few minutes later another one pulled in. The train we had missed was one that stopped at all stations on the way, but the one we got on was a fast train, with the next station being London Euston. We found a quiet carriage and took a block of four seats, Helen and I facing the direction the train was going, leaving Stacy and Andy going backwards.
"Do we have to talk about this?" asked Helen.
"Hey, that's my line," I complained, and got a friendly elbow in my side.
Stacy took charge, "Okay, it is just the four of us, stuck together for half an hour. Let's see if we can understand each other's issues. I think the only way is if we are all truthful about things. Since Wednesday, neither Andy nor I have seen either of you. Have you been avoiding us?"
"It's just embarrassing," I eventually said. "I was hoping you didn't realise."
"I'm also worried you think we're silly and a bit immature," added Helen. "Besides, I wanted give Stacy a good pasting for upsetting David like she did."
"Why didn't you?" Stacy asked, putting a hand on Andy, who had clenched his fists.
"Becky took me on a run and calmed me down. Heck, I was so exhausted I could hardly play afterwards in practice."
"Okay Andy, they've been honest with us, do you have anything to add? Remember, be open and honest."
Andy flashed a look at Stacy that I'd never seen before. A look of hurt mixed with worry.
"I've been avoiding too," started Andy, refusing to look at anybody. I thought he was going to say something else but he just clammed up.
"Why?" I asked, rather confused.
"I knew about Helen's feelings, and didn't want to encourage it. I hoped that if she didn't see me as much, then it might go."
"And the rest!" demanded Stacy. This was a side I very rarely saw of Stacy. She was still her normal tender self, but there was an edge to her voice that we all understood to mean that she wanted what she said.
Andy almost whispered. "I also didn't want Helen or David to know I'm rather fond of Helen, too. David is a good friend, and I wouldn't want him upset with me. Avoiding Helen was not just for her to get over me ... but so temptation wasn't there for either of us."
I didn't see that coming!
Helen's head, which had been down after her revelation popped up and she looked surprised at Andy. "I'm sorry, Stacy."
"I'm sorry too," said Stacy. "I wasn't totally honest with David the other day. I omitted telling him that like Andy, the feelings were reciprocated." Stacy turned to face me directly. "However, what I told you the other day still stands; for several reasons, nothing can come of it."
Stacy didn't say anymore, and I think part of the reason was she didn't want to hurt me and Helen. I'm sure one of the primary reasons was our age.
"I love David," Helen told Stacy. "I wouldn't want anything to happen with Andy. I don't want to come between you and Andy. I know it sounds simplistic, but we all got on after Moscow, even though we all know what had happened that night. Damn. I'm beginning to sound as old as David sometimes does."
"Not old, but mature," said Andy. "I think we all bottled things up, because we didn't want to cause issues for our partners. Now we have things in the open, let's see if we can trust each other and ourselves."
"That's the silly thing," said Helen. "David did trust, but it was me I didn't trust. Heck, David said the other day how he was glad that I seemed happier, even when it was after I'd spent time with Andy."
That got Andy and Stacy very puzzled, and there was nothing I could do to help them understand. It was just that I didn't get jealous, but just wanted the person I loved to be happy. Isn't that what love is about? I tried several ways to explain it, but they just didn't seem to get it. Eventually I gave up, and looked out of the window at the built up view of the outskirts of London.
Our trip to London turned out to be similar to the competition we did in Paris, follow certain clues and solve the question. It seemed strange to be with Andy instead of either Helen, or even Stacy, whom I'd worked with so much before. Each team would have the same questions, but in different orders, that way we couldn't see each other's results. I had no idea why we were doing this, but there must have been some reason.
"So, do you have a crush on me too?" asked Andy as we went towards the Tube. This was the first time I'd been on the Tube, and it seemed a bit daunting. However, Andy didn't seem fazed and I just stayed close.
"No," I responded simply, trying not to gag at the thought, and quickly wondered how to be tactful. There were more than a few same-sex couples at the school, and I was pleased they'd found love. However, someone male wasn't something that appealed for me. "You're a good friend, I hope, but I don't feel anything more. I think the reason things came together quicker with Stacy was because of Moscow. What about you?"
"A good friend."
"Are you mad at me?" Andy opened his mouth and I quickly added, "And no joking."
Andy paused, and I was worried he wasn't going to reply. Eventually he did in a rather subdued voice. "I was a bit at first, until Stacy reminded me that was unfair because of Helen. And who am I to disagree with Stacy."
"What strange people we are," I laughed. I was relieved that Andy wasn't mad at me. He always took the time to listen to me when I needed someone male to talk about certain things. He'd never been judgemental about my issues, even when they seemed to make little sense.
"Some people would say we're strange, just based on me being a cross dresser and Stacy having a sex-change. I don't think this makes us strange, just more unique."
"I'm glad you didn't position the percussion to shock me again as revenge."
"It was tempting, believe me. However, I didn't want another slap from you."
It was a strange day, and some even stranger conversations, but as we traipsed across a city I was unfamiliar with, Andy and I got to know each other a bit more. In some ways he was becoming a male friend, which I'd never had before coming to this school. The final leg of the journey instructed us to split up and make our way in two different routes back to Euston.
Andy was quite surprised with that, "Are you okay to do this on your own?"
"Sure," I responded, trying to sound more confident than I was.
"You know which way to go?"
I looked at the tube map. "Yes, I'm going to walk along here to The Embankment, and get the northern line to Euston."
"Sounds like a good plan to me. Since you are taking the quickest route, I suppose you'll be there before me."
I was quite surprised to find Andy waiting for me at the exit from the tube at Euston.
"How did you do that?" I demanded.
"Do what?"
"Get here before me? I thought I was getting on the most direct tube."
"You were," he laughed, seeing my frustrated face. "I got a cab. The tubes seem quicker than they are. It's only two miles and pretty much a direct road. I also had a benefit of having a nutter of a cab driver. Gosh, getting paid to drive like that makes me want to do The Knowledge."
"The Knowledge?"
He grinned at my confusion. "Basically all the cab drivers in the centre of London have to know the streets of London by heart, and that's called The Knowledge. They have to pass a test which asks how they would get from point A to point B without using a map."
"All of London?" I was rather surprised. It sounded an impossible task. I pulled out my PDA to look it up. "You've got to be kidding. Six mile radius from Charring Cross. That's a huge area to learn."
"I think it takes a few years to do. Hey, there's Helen."
I rushed across and gave her kiss, which she blushed about. "David, we're in public," she moaned.
"How did you get on with Stacy?"
"Really well. I thought she might hate me, but she seemed okay. Someone even took our picture for us on the Greenwich meridian line. The last bit had us go different ways to here."
"Yeah, we had the same. I still can't believe Andy got back before me."
"Stacy said we should meet under the large timetable," said Helen, like she'd just remembered.
Andy's ears pricked up with that. "Then let's get going. We don't want her to worry where we are."
Stacy was waiting. "What kept you all?" she asked, her hands on her hips like she was impatient.
"You only just got here," I accused, after she'd had a big kiss from Andy.
"Sorry?" Stacy sounded like I was being impertinent.
"There are wet footsteps leading up to here. There is someone cleaning the floor on one of those sit on cleaners, who looks like they've just done this area. Hence, you have only just got here."
Stacy laughed. "Guilty as charged. I saw you all chatting, so went round the other entrance so you wouldn't see. Seems I'm not as good at sneaking as I thought."
"Or David's too observant," said Andy, giving me a friendly punch.
"Does anybody need toilet or a drink before we get the train back?" Stacy asked, again taking charge.
None of us did, and we made our way towards the platform. We weren't as lucky as earlier and the train we got on was the slow train which seemed to stop at every station. We sent in our results, which would be a signal to Rachel that we were finished and on our way back to the school.
Indeed, by the time the train pulled into the small Leighton Buzzard railway station, Rachel was waiting by the platform exit. She smiled as she saw us chatting away to each other.
"So are things now resolved?" asked Rachel.
"Not really," responded Stacy. My heart fell at that statement. Telling Rachel that would only lead to other talks about it. "However, we know we have to talk about it, we have and we will."
"Between the four of us," added Andy. I could have hugged him, but thought that a railway platform wouldn't be a fit place to do so.
"If you don't resolve it, then I will get involved," said Rachel in a businesslike manner. "All four of you know better than to let a situation like that develop."
Instead of the minibus, she had brought the Grand Voyager to pick us up. It was a lot more comfortable, and since there were only four passengers, it was quite nice. As we drove towards the school, I decided I needed to bring up the feelings I'd had which none of the other three understood.
"Rachel, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course. Ask away." Rachel sounded surprised.
"It's a bit complex. Is it unusual for someone not to be jealous that their partner is very close to someone else?"
"I think I need a bit more information than that," said Rachel.
I glanced at Helen, who was in the seat next to me, and she nodded, as did Stacy and Andy who were in the middle row of seats.
"The others couldn't understand that I didn't get jealous when I knew that Helen had a crush on Andy. In fact, it made me happy that she was happy."
Rachel now sounded a bit puzzled. "But you still love Helen?"
"With all my heart."
"Do any of the rest of you have an issue with David being happy like this?"
None of them did, thought they all made comments that they didn't understand how I couldn't be jealous. I'm not sure why, but being jealous seems so negative.
"David, do you have a problem feeling the way you do?"
"No," I replied after a little thought. "Why should I? Helen has been through so much, and if someone else caring too, can give help, and even make her happy, then that makes me happier."
"Then there isn't an issue. Why worry about something that isn't an issue for you or anybody else?"
We all rode on in silence. When Rachel drove us into the school grounds she broke the silence. "I know you all would like to get back to your friends, but I would be grateful if you could all join me in my office."
I glanced at Helen, wondering if we were in trouble. I saw similar glances between Stacy and Andy. Rachel must have noticed through her rear-view mirror as she said, "Don't worry. I said I wasn't going to discuss your feeling for each other unless you let it get out of hand. Edith wants to discuss the trip with you all."
I breathed a sigh of relief. I might have asked Rachel a question, but it wasn't something I was ready to talk about.
Our arrival back at school wasn't unnoticed. All the students in our two years were there to welcome us back.
"Sorry, but it appears they're not finished with us yet," explained Stacy to the waiting mob.
"They shouldn't be too long," added Rachel, almost apologetically, before leading us out of the entrance hall and up the grand stairs to the first floor.
Edith was waiting in Rachel's office and we were invited to sit.
"How was London?" asked Edith. She was sat back, with no sign of her PDA.
"I think we did all that was asked," Helen eventually responded, since she was being looked at.
"I believe that this was the first time on the subway for both Helen and David. Was it fun?"
"Subway?" I'd seen a Subway shop that was selling food, but that didn't make sense with the 'on the'.
"Underground," Andy and Stacy said in unison.
"I now understand it a bit better," I answered.
"And nobody pressed the issues button. I sat there patiently, thinking you would have called about 'the church located by a piece of bedroom furniture', but both teams seem to have sent in the picture with one of you outside St Andrew-by-the-Wardrobe. So how was the last item; being sent back to Euston individually?"
"Was that a test to see if we could cope out on our own?" I enquired.
"Yes," Edith responded without remorse. "How did you all do?"
"I was okay," I responded.
"Me too," said Stacy. The other two nodded in agreement.
"Was the underground to see how we coped, after hiding in one while in Moscow?" asked Andy.
"Of course. The rest was going to be easy, but I was asked to make it more of a challenge."
"Why waste an opportunity to learn," I offered.
"Exactly," said Rachel, speaking for the first time since we'd arrived down at her office.
"Now, the last bit of therapy from me," said Edith, leaning forward in her chair. "I asked all of you to list your favourite desserts or puddings. A very interesting list; some items I wasn't familiar with. Anyway, since you have progressed to this stage in your healing, I'd like to introduce something new. You and your partner are going to cook a dessert together. The top entry that David and Helen shared was Sticky Toffee Pudding. For Andy and Stacy it was something called Spotted Dick."
"Cook?" I said, slightly worried. My parents weren't the best cooks in the world, and my attempt at a Christmas Pudding was something I quickly wanted to forget about.
Rachel seemed to understand my anxiety and quickly stepped in. "Since you and Helen have not had the delights of the kitchen staff teaching you all their secrets, then they will guide and assist you."
"Think of this as a sign that the worst is over," continued Edith. "I'm not saying you won't have any more effects from your experience, but you are at a point where you can expect most of your time to be normal, or what passes for normal here anyway. Since these are some of your favourite dishes, it will also be a nice treat after the horrors you've suffered."
"Have you scheduled a time for us to do this?" asked Stacy.
"No. I've spoken with Justin and he's very much looking forward to sharing part of his kitchen with you."
I was slightly surprised. Cooking lessons were not conducted in the main kitchen, but in a similarly equipped classroom. Justin only let students into his kitchen to assist when he knew they were skilled enough to cook for the rest of the students.
"You better not set off the fire alarms again," I teased. "I doubt he would be as forgiving as last time."
Stacy shrugged. "It got the result that was needed."
Edith looked puzzled at the banter, but Rachel just waved it off.
"So does that mean our sessions with you are finished?" Helen asked Edith.
"That's right. I'm scheduled to fly home on Tuesday. Remember, if you need to, you can always send me an email or we can talk via the new video conferencing system."
"Thanks for your help," Stacy said. The sincerity in her voice was obvious to us all and we quickly added our thanks.
We got up to leave. Helen and I were behind Stacy and Andy when I heard Stacy say she would join the rest of year five in about an hour. She was going to do what she'd missed this morning. This reminded me I needed to speak with Rachel.
"Rachel," I said turning. "Do you have a minute?"
"Of course. This is the second time today you've wanted to ask me questions. If you're not careful, I'll think you've got over your aversion to chatting with me."
I smiled at her teasing. "I think it's me answering your questions that I'm still not happy about," I responded honestly.
Helen was hovering near the door, not knowing what this was about and not knowing if she should go or stay. I dragged her into the room, and firmly shut the door.
"Am I staying too?" asked Edith, having been shut in the room.
"Sorry," I said. "I don't mind. I'm sure you won't spread what I'm asking."
Edith shrugged, and sat back down.
"So?" said Rachel, when we were all seated.
"In Moscow, Andy asked me to make sure that Stacy took care of some medical stuff she had to do. When she went off to do it before breakfast the last morning, Jill mentioned the word dilation. However, when I looked it up, it just mentioned things like having babies, and eyes dilating. None of it makes sense."
Rachel looked crestfallen at my request and didn't immediately respond. "Why didn't you ask Jill?" she eventually asked.
I was surprised, as Rachel normally doesn't beat about the bush.
"Because she seemed to think I knew what was happening. I didn't want to appear thick. Don't you know what she was talking about?"
"Yes, I do, but you have me in an awkward position. I can't really discuss another student's issues with you."
"Oh."
Helen suddenly piped up. "I think David was really meaning what the word meant, rather than something specific with Stacy."
"Since I'm not familiar with Stacy's medical history, why don't I answer?" interrupted Edith.
"Thanks," sighed Rachel.
"So when you looked up the word, you saw that dilation means to get larger. When a women is about to give birth, her cervix dilates, or gets larger, to allow the baby to be born. However, what I think Jill was referring to is dilation after having Sex Reassignment Surgery. The body will naturally try to close any hole made into the body. Cutting your finger is a good example, the blood will clot the injury, and the wound will heal. It takes a lot longer, but after SRS, the body will try to close the newly created vagina. The patient uses what's called a stent to train the body to keep the vagina open."
Helen and I were blushing at the mention of the body parts, but Edith wasn't finished. "At first, the vagina won't be very flexible, and will not be able to accommodate a penis. So over time, as the body gets used to the stent, a wider version is introduced. Hence the word dilation."
"Stent?" I enquired.
Rachel got up, went to her cupboard and returned with what looked like a makeup bag with the word "Demo" on the side. Wordlessly, she passed the bag to me. I unzipped the top of the bag and saw what they were. I pulled out a few and saw they varied in thickness. They weren't out of the bag long, before Helen was quickly stuffing them back in.
"How often does someone have to dilate?"
"It depends on how long it's been since their operation. Someone who's had their operation recently might be dilating three times a day, while someone who had their operation a year ago might be dilating once a week or less. If they're having penetrative sex, either by a penis or a sex toy, then that can count as a dilation."
"So what happens if you miss doing the dilation?"
"It all depends how soon after surgery it was. If recently, then it will take a bit more work the next time. Several months after the surgery, nothing much happens, as long as it isn't repeatedly forgotten."
"Thanks Edith."
"Does that answer all your questions?"
"Yes, thank you." I turned to Rachel. "Sorry about asking my question so badly."
"Now run along, and don't forget to talk to Justin."
Once we were away from Rachel's office, Helen said to me, "I hadn't realised that she had to do that every day."
"Nor me."
"I suppose Emma will have to do this when she's had her operation."
"And me, if I do."
Helen stopped and looked at me with surprise. "I didn't think you wanted to."
"I don't, but sometimes it feels inevitable."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 56
Puddings for how many?!
Sunday 15th January 2006
When we'd contacted Justin, he'd suggested that this morning would be a good time to see him. I thought it would just be Helen and me, but shortly after we arrived, Andy and Stacy turned up. I'd seen the serving side of the kitchen before, but this was the first time I'd stepped into its heart. The kitchen staff were busy preparing lunch, and there was a buzz about the place.
"Ah great, you're all here in good time. Now, the most important question I have before I let you all loose; how many are you cooking for? Just for each other, your years, or the whole school?"
I'd not thought of this, and it looked like Helen hadn't either as she looked as surprised as I did. Andy and Stacy didn't look surprised though, but kept quiet.
"It would be nice if we did more than just us," said Helen. "Though I'm worried that we might get into trouble if everyone gets food poisoning."
"Nonsense," bristled Justin. "Nobody gets sick after eating food cooked in my kitchen."
"My attempt at a Christmas Pudding ended in failure," I reminded him.
"You let it curdle and didn't know how to rescue it. If you'd asked for help, then we could have shown you how to save it and delivered something you would have been proud of. Today, you will be under my careful tutelage."
"What about us?" Stacy asked, referring to herself and Andy.
"Hopefully you won't set off the alarms this time. Both you and Andy are competent enough to make your dish without my assistance, but you can ask me questions as you go if you need to."
"Thanks, Chef," they chorused.
"Hey, did you hear that?" he called to the hard working kitchen staff. "A bit of respect."
"Yes, Chef!" they called back jovially and carried on working.
Turning back to us, Justin continued, "I'll tell you what, why don't you make enough for your years, and we'll make up the rest?"
"Does that include you?" one female chef called out.
"Donna, I'll do the Sticky Toffee Puddings if you do the Spotted Dick?" Justin called back. "It isn't often we make deserts like these, so I'm not going to miss out."
I liked the banter in here. I'd seen a few episodes of Hell's Kitchen, and from that I'd thought all chefs swore a lot and were always telling off their staff.
"The first step, since you are going to be handling food, is for you to wash your hands. We want what you make to be as perfect as possible and not include anything nasty that might be on your hands."
Donna actually came across to help Andy and Stacy, which meant that we had Justin all to ourselves. And did we need him! Helen had a slight advantage, as she'd done a little cooking when she'd lived at home, but even so, we found it hard work. It might have been a relatively easy recipe, but we seemed to make a complete dogs breakfast of it. Justin, however, was very calm, and we eventually got it made, and amazingly, on our first batch. At one stage, I thought we might have had to throw it out, but Justin did some magic and whatever we'd done wrong miraculously disappeared.
"That was quite fun," I said, as we put the puddings into the oven dishes.
"It was, wasn't it," said Justin, who grabbed a few more dishes and I filled them
"Can we watch you make the rest?" asked Helen.
"Each of those dishes holds enough for ten people, apart from that larger one which holds twelve."
There were six dishes. Which meant there was more than enough for the entire school, and all the psychiatrists.
"We cooked enough for everyone?" Helen asked, rather surprised. "How?"
"You should have more faith in your abilities. I thought it would be nice for everyone to have the same treat."
"You schemer," laughed Donna from over with Andy and Stacy. "Shocking isn't it, but I think we have a similar situation over here. It seems I forgot to cut down the amount of ingredients when I made up the recipe card."
"But isn't that enough for the entire school for both puddings?"
"Yes, and why not? You've both worked hard on this, and all seem to have had fun. You might play your instruments as a way of relieving stress; I do it in the kitchen. There is nothing better than chopping up a cucumber or grinding some garlic. One thing is for sure, you need some major cooking lessons. But one thing I can guarantee, you won't leave school until I know you can cook a proper meal without assistance."
The Spotted Dick took a lot longer to cook, so they were able to see it go into the oven. Helen's and mine would go in later.
At lunchtime I was quite nervous, and it wasn't helped by Mr Hobson making an announcement.
"Okay, I'm sorry to say that whatever you'd ordered for dessert has been cancelled." A universal groan of sadness erupted from all the pupil's lips. "However, there is some good news. Two students from year-one, and two from year-five have been busy in the kitchen, which is what is going to be served instead. It seems the staff in the kitchen forgot to reduce the amount of ingredients on the recipe cards, so you will all have to suffer two puddings instead of one."
There was a loud cheer, which Mr Hobson let ride. "One final bit of news. Edith Covington extended her stay at the school to help with some issues. They have now been resolved, so she will be leaving on Tuesday. Can we all please show her our appreciation?"
We all stood and gave her a good round of applause.
"Is that where you were this morning?" asked Anna, when we'd sat down. "I wondered why you weren't in church."
"I'm glad it was a surprise for you all. I just hope that we haven't poisoned everyone."
"What did you make?" asked Lewis.
"Sticky Toffee pudding. Andy and Stacy made Spotted Dick."
"But I didn't think you could cook," mentioned Emma rather nervously.
"We were watched very carefully by Justin, and even then we nearly ruined it."
The puddings were a great success. It felt good to have shared what we'd done with everyone and made me start to wonder when we would actually start more practical lessons.
Helen must have been reading my thoughts as she asked Dan, "So when do we start doing cooking lessons?"
"Not for a bit yet. The school normally mixes a bit of something else with the academic. At the moment you have Life Skills. Something else is arranged once you have exhausted that topic."
"That's such an embarrassing lesson," moaned Erika.
"Only if you let it be," responded Dan. "I believe Becky and Keith are quite open as well. Have you seen them blush or say it is embarrassing?"
"No."
"Then how about thinking of it as a challenge." Dan looked around and then said in a hushed voice which we could only just hear. "See if you can be as open and frank as they are, and see if you can make them blush." He gave a wink and returned to his normal volume. "Anyway, what's tomorrow's topic?"
"It was changed this morning to Relationships," said Paula. "It seems this one might run a few lessons."
I grabbed my PDA. I'd seen the lesson update, but had been busy so was going to look later. Paula was correct — relationships. How glad I was that Rachel wasn't seated at our table. Keith however was sitting at the table next to us. Excusing myself, I got up and went across. "Keith, did Rachel ask you to change what we were going to talk about in Life Skills?"
"Yes. She thought you might ask if it was her. She didn't say why, but mentioned it would help you with some issues. Look, if Rachel has asked, it is because she genuinely thinks it is best in an overall subject. If you'd prefer, we could always arrange for you to miss the lesson and have a one-to-one with Rachel on the subject."
"No, I'll be in your lesson. I just don't like being manipulated."
"Nobody is manipulating you. Rachel hasn't asked for anything special to be discussed. Just that the timing might help you and Helen understand something you couldn't explain."
My eyes widened at that. I thought this was going to be about the cross-partner feelings, but it seems it was about my lack of jealousy.
"Oh, that," I said. "Sorry, I thought she was interfering in something else."
"Ah, so you understand then. That's good. Do you feel you could tell me a bit more?"
"No, sorry."
"That's okay. I'll see you tomorrow. I just hope we cover what you need covered. After all, that's what we're here for — to help."
I went back to my seat, rather confused. "I got it wrong," I admitted to Helen. "I thought Rachel was interfering, but it seems she asked for the change because of the question I asked on the way back yesterday."
"Ah. But the other stuff will probably get mentioned, too."
"Yeah, that's true."
I looked back to the others, and saw them looking intently at us. "Later," I said and blushed.
On the way out, Jill dragged me to one side and I could see Helen being swept up by Anna. She was the closest friend I had in our year. "I thought you might want to chat with me, rather than everyone at once."
"Thanks."
"So, is everything okay with you and Helen?"
"Yeah, everything's fine. Rachel is a little more jumpy about us, because our relationship seems to be deeper than normal year ones. I'm sure Rachel has chatted with you and Anna about the same thing."
"Sure, but there is more than that. Is this because of how close you are to Stacy, and Helen is to Andy?"
I can't believe that someone noticed. How humiliating. How could I not have controlled myself? Helen is my love, but why did I have to get so close to Stacy? Why did Helen and Andy have to get so close? Damn those Russians. Actually, that's unfair. We were close before, but more like her being a big sister. How can it have changed so much in so little time?
"David?"
"Yes," I croaked. "Yes."
"Is she angry with you?"
"Who, Helen?"
"No, Rachel."
"Only that we refused to talk about it between the four of us."
She gave a knowing laugh. "That sounds just like her. So were you upset because you thought Rachel had arranged to discuss relationships because of what was happening with the four of you?"
I nodded. "Though it seems the main driver was something I asked on the way back from the train station, not the relationship."
"Oh?"
"No way am I discussing that. Now will you kindly let the rest of the year know that all is okay, without telling them what I told you?"
"Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. I don't think the others have spotted anything between the four of you. They think it's just a year leader thing, or something to do with the Beta team."
"Some of it is. Now let's go and see if Brian has been given the all clear to leave the hospital."
I'm not sure when Jill or Anna told the others that all was okay, but we didn't seem to get any concerned looks. Well, no more than we usually got.
When we got to see Brian, he was sat up in bed.
"You'll never guess what?"
"What?" we all answered, almost in unison.
"They gave me two puddings. Can you believe that?"
"Wow, aren't you lucky," said Lewis, somehow keeping a straight face. "So if you had two puddings, are they letting you out of here?"
Brian's smile said it all, but he answered, "Yes. I've got to take it easy for the next few weeks, and rest when my body tells me to, but I'm out of here."
We made our way towards our common room, the ten of us crowding the corridor so we could all chat together.
"Don't forget, no swimming or strenuous exercise for now, either," Helen reminded him, as we strolled along. "We were sent instructions to make sure you followed them."
"I know, and I don't care. All I want to do is for us all to have a nice game. Yes, you came to visit as often as you could, but being in the hospital area can get kinda lonely."
"So what game do you want?"
"Something simple, but fun. How about Poleconomy? Five teams."
"I'll get it," yelled Martha and went shooting off to the library before anybody could say anything.
"Are you up to orchestra practice?" I asked, as we went into our year's common-room.
"I think so. I'm sure that Lewis won't let me play too hard. I just want to make sure I know the pieces we are going to play."
"Too right! I won't let you play too hard."
Having Brian out of the school hospital, made our year back to our usual ten. It was almost like a member of family had been away for a week, and now they were back, things were complete. Martha and Erika had quickly become part of the family, but there was still the empty settee as a reminder that Sam and Jessica weren't with us. I wonder if they will still gel with us when they come back for Helen's and my special ceremony.
Monday 16th January 2006
The day started early. Helen and I had a pre-breakfast appointment with Mr Hobson. It was early enough so that hopefully we could meet up with the others in our year at the normal time. If we could manage that, the only bit of our normal routine we would miss was our morning run.
"How are you both doing?" asked Mr Hobson when we were seated.
"Fine thanks," we replied in unison.
"I've had several reports on your wellbeing and all seem to be good." Mr Hobson paused and looked at us. I was wondering if there was something else wrong. I was eventually relieved to hear him continue. "The first thing I'd like to know, would you like to continue in the Beta team?"
It was straight to the point, but not unexpected. Luckily it was something Helen and I had discussed on several occasions. "Yes, sir," I responded.
He looked at Helen. "Yes, I would too," she added.
"Why? Didn't you find what happened in Moscow too frightening? Didn't you both have issues? Do you really want to suffer again?"
Helen and I glanced at each other. "You answer that one," whispered Helen.
"Thanks," I replied sarcastically.
"So?" prompted Mr Hobson, looking at me. He'd obviously heard and I wonder if he had some type of device to enhance any whispers into something audible.
"If we didn't, it would be like giving up. Sometimes the first time you experience something, it is scarier than subsequent times. Also, we weren't fully trained. Before coming to this school, I gave up trying to see Helen. I regretted every moment. In some ways, that was worse than what I went through in Moscow."
Helen gave my hand a squeeze. We both had disappointments and regrets over those missed years.
"Isn't it a totally different thing? You don't have to be in the Beta team."
"Rachel and Edith said the same," said Helen. "Haven't you had some reports from them?"
"Yes, but reports aren't the same as hearing it from you directly. I want to make sure that you understand what you are doing and really want to continue."
He paused and looked pained. "You don't like us doing this, do you?" Helen asked.
"No. Not really. I wasn't happy when the Beta program was created. I am here to look after you all. However, I'm also here to make sure you are able to have the career you want. Emma and Paula are going to be spending some time at the farm next door, since both want to be involved in farm work after they've finished school. Others in your year will also get involved with their future desires when they decide what they want. Some in the world can be cruel about people who are different. So by being more prepared for their careers, they will have an advantage."
We both looked at Mr Hobson in surprise. It was obvious that he didn't like the quandary that he was in. I was also a little surprised at how open he was with us.
He sighed and continued; "Now the harder part. David, would you be willing to take over as Beta One next year? And by implication, Helen would you be willing to be Beta Two? Before you answer, you need to recognise the complications this will cause, as you will be spending a lot of one-to-one time with the existing people in those roles."
I glanced at Helen who gave a slight smile and a nod. "Yes Sir, we are both willing to take on those assignments, and we are both aware of the potential complications. However, we did promise Rachel that if there were any issues, the four of us would talk them through."
Mr Hobson seemed to relax a bit at our response. "Good. Now since your year knows a little about what is going on, then you better inform them that you will be working closely with handover. You won't be missing any lessons, but it might mean you will be away from your year periodically during evenings or weekends. Stacy and Andy will organise things with you both."
We looked at each other. How much work is there in leading the Beta team?
Mr Hobson continued, "Just so the rest of your year doesn't get jealous, there will be special events organised for them and you all when the weather starts to warm up."
He paused and looked us both over. "If you need to, my door is always open. I was concerned when you were going to be invited to join the Beta team when you were just starting school. I was concerned when you insisted you got out in Moscow. And now, I am told you are the best people to be Beta One and Two. You are both only fourteen, which is still very young, and I worry that this will be too much. Rachel's door is always open to you, as is mine and Mr Taylor asked me to pass his contact information to you. Later today, your PDA's will be updated with enhanced security to fit in with your new status."
"Thanks," we mumbled together.
"Now get to your usual gathering with your year."
The meeting hadn't taken as long as expected, and we ended up being the first to our year's common room. We flicked on the television to the morning news and relaxed to find out what was happening in the world.
It didn't take long before the room contained all ten of us. "Okay, we have an update for you all," I started. "This is for you lot only. Understood?"
"Is this Beta stuff?" asked Emma.
"Yeah. Since you already know a lot of what's going on, we are allowed to tell you a bit more. Helen and I have to get some more information and training from Andy and Stacy. This is going to mean some evenings or weekends we might not be around. However, it seems Mr Hobson doesn't want you to miss out on the fun, and so he has some things planned for you, and for all of us."
"Fun trips?" asked Erika.
"He didn't say it would be trips," responded Helen. "He just mentioned special events. However, you know what this place is like. Even if it was a fun trip, you know there would be some learning in there somewhere."
At eleven, when I thought the day couldn't get any more interesting, I turned out to be wrong. As I was waiting for Julia to arrive, my PDA pinged. It wasn't a meeting request, but a note from Stacy asking what time would be best to have the first of our discussions. I sent one back saying I would know more after lunch. I wanted to discuss it with Helen first.
When Julia arrived we got down to it, looking in depth at different security mechanisms. Some I'd come across on different systems, but some were totally new. As we worked, out of nowhere Julia asked, "How is Jill doing today?"
This broke my concentration and I glanced at her. She just saw Jill an hour ago in computer studies, so why is she asking? The way she talked sounds more personal. Is she asking as a parent, and not a teacher?
"No different than when you saw her in our lesson earlier," I responded. "Is there some reason she might not be?"
Julia didn't answer immediately. It was almost as if she hadn't meant to ask the question and was trying to decide what to say. One thing I'd discovered very early on about Julia is that she wasn't a gossip. It must be something important for her to query about Jill.
"Tomorrow could be a very bad day for Jill. Something happened a year ago, not long after her mum died. Would you keep an eye?"
"We always keep an eye out for each other, but I'll keep a closer watch. We knew when it was the anniversary of her mum's death and we kept an eye. She was okay then." I pulled up Jill's published schedule and saw Rachel hadn't scheduled anything special. I did notice, on a few more taps, that Rachel's complete schedule was clear, which was unusual. I wondered if Rachel was expecting something. "Can you tell me more?"
Julia again paused. "It's not my place. I'm just worried. I worried on the anniversary of her mum's death and funeral. Nothing happened either time, and tomorrow probably nothing will happen. It's just I can't help but sometimes be concerned."
As the lesson drew to a close, I asked, "Mr Hobson said something about tightening the security on Helen's and my PDA."
"Yes. I asked Helen to nip across to my office just before lunch. Shut down what you are doing here, and let's get yours done now."
It didn't take long before we were tidy, and we made our way to Julia's office. She docked my PDA in a cradle, and after adjusting her screen so I couldn't see, tapped away at her keyboard. A few minutes later, I was leaving. I looked at my PDA, but apart from a double padlock on the top left corner, I couldn't see anything extra. I knew I was going to do some more research later. As I got near our year-room, I bumped into Helen, who was just heading off to see Julia.
"You're going the wrong way to get your PDA done," Helen said.
"She just did her thing to mine. Oh, and Stacy sent me a request for the first of our chats. I wanted to chat with you first, so I said I'd let her know after lunch."
"Do it tonight, so you get the ball rolling."
"Are you sure you're okay with this?"
"Look, it's just a chat, so don't worry. I'll be spending time with Andy too. Not that it's likely we'll need it, but if we can arrange our meetings for different times so our year can always have a year leader around."
I carried on to the common room, and had some fun with the rest of the year. Jill seemed her usual self, but now I knew about tomorrow I vowed to keep a discreet watch.
* * *
After our evening meal, I headed off for my meeting with Stacy. The location had surprised me. I'd expected some top secret room, like the one in the basement, but we were to meet in the room we had our life skills lesson in.
Stacy was already inside when I arrived. As I sat down, she asked, "So has your relationship segment of Life Skills helped you discover more about your query from Saturday?"
"You mean about me not being jealous? Not yet. Hey, haven't you taken that lesson?"
"Yes, but that was when we were in year two." She smiled as she thought back to when she was younger. "I can't remember everything! Anyway, I don't have a problem about you not being jealous about things. I just said I didn't understand it. Perhaps one day I will, but not yet."
Stacy paused, and I wondered what she was thinking about. I never found out as she gave her head a small shake and continued, "Anyway, today is going to be quite straight forward. In about ten minutes we're going to be joined by Susan. She needs to know that you will be Beta One, and what that means for her as head student. We can go over the handover in more detail next week."
"Why couldn't she have joined the Beta program this year and therefore become the next Beta One?"
"On your PDA and any internal computer you log into, you should see several new categories under the Beta menu. One of them is extended profile information on each student."
I pulled out my PDA, and after providing my thumb print again, was able to get into the secure area. I found Susan's profile and glanced over it.
"I see," I said, closing it down. I was amazed at how much information there was. Just reading Susan's profile made me realise how much trust they were placing in me. It didn't just contain skill information, but also where their stress points. If the data was used badly it could hurt her, but used properly it could help; which I hope was the aim. This was just the student profiles. I wonder what will be in the other menus.
"Indeed."
"Shouldn't Susan have some of this information to help her as head student?"
"The head student has more information than the year leaders. The problem is, over the last few years the Beta One has always been the head student. Over the years the data has merged for simplicity. I'm spending some time splitting things out so she gets what she needs."
We weren't able to discuss more, as Susan arrived. When she saw me, she said, "Am I too early? Do you want me to come back later?"
"You're right on time," said Stacy. "There are a few things that I need to discuss with you and David."
"Oh?" Susan said, taking a seat next to me.
"A situation has arisen which hasn't happened for a few years. Next year the roles of head student and Beta one will be different. Susan, you will be head student, and David has been asked to fill the role as Beta One. In the past there wasn't any issue with that, as long as the two communicate sufficiently."
"So am I just a puppet or a figurehead?" Susan asked, sounding a bit bitter.
"No," replied Stacy, smoothly. "You will be head student and I, along with Mr Hobson, will talk to you about what that means. It's just that sometimes there can be events that might seem to put what you see as your duties and David sees as his, don't agree. How you communicate then will help both of you help the other students. The rest of the time, you should still communicate, but your responsibilities are different enough so you'll not get in each other's way. In a way, I envy you both, as you'll both have someone else to talk to when problems come up; someone that's NOT your partner, and not the staff."
"So you won't be telling me what to do, all the time?" Susan asked me, sounding dubious, but slightly less miffed.
"Heck no. I'm still in year one and learning how to be a year leader. I'll be coming to you to ask for advice if something goes wrong in our year which Helen or I can't handle. Don't forget, I'll only be in year-two, so I'll have my plate full with lessons, keeping things smooth with year-two pupils, as well as the Beta stuff. Where do you think I'm going to have time interfere? The only time I can think I'd 'tell you what to do' is if there was a trip where there was a mission."
"I suppose," Susan sighed. "I was just so looking forward to being head student."
"And you will be."
"Yeah, but it won't be as I imagined it."
"Was the school anything like you imagined it when you were offered a place here?" Stacy asked.
"I suppose not."
"Then why did you think being head student was how you imagined it?"
Susan sat there for a moment, screwing up her nose, which according to her profile, was something she usually did while she was in deep thought. "I didn't think there was any chance of me being in the Beta squad, let alone being in charge of them. Okay Stacy, I presume you've come up with some idea about how this should work. Why don't you explain your plan, and David and I can see how we can work it."
I thought back to the profile I'd read on Susan, and it was spookily spot on.
Stacy explained the roles and the few times there could be a conflict. Susan pitched in and made some valid suggestions about how we could overcome the issues, and ended up involving me in a lot more than I needed to be. Stacy also went into great detail about what had happened in Moscow.
She sat there slightly stunned when I explained that I didn't need or want to be involved in certain decisions. "You really DO want me to be head student," Susan finally uttered.
"I said that earlier," Stacy reminded her.
"I'm glad I'm not involved with the Betas. I don't think I could cope with that level of responsibility."
"Yes you could," said Stacy. "You weren't included in the Beta team only because of your medical condition. You make an excellent year leader and will make an excellent head student."
"You know about that?" Susan gasped, sounding surprised, maybe a bit embarrassed, and perhaps a touch of resentment.
"Yes. Besides you and Kevin, only three students that I know of have that information; me, Andy, and now David. Helen will also know once she knows where to look. David and Helen have access to that information because they will be involved in the decision on who will replace me and Andy."
"I hate people knowing about it. I'm a bit upset that you all know."
I started to apologise, but Stacy retorted, "And what do you think your condition would have been if you'd been a Beta this year and gone out with us in Moscow?"
"I know, but it doesn't mean I like missing out on things because of it."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 57
Will the clouds ever clear for David?
Wednesday 18th January 2006
Tuesday passed without event. Jill had carried on like nothing had happened and Anna hadn't acted any differently. There was nothing on Jill's file that looked like there could be a trigger. The only thing that I didn't understand was a notation of "code 812" tagged against medical. I made a mental note to ask Stacy about it when I spoke with her next.
The hoped for breakthrough in my understand of why I wasn't jealous hadn't occurred, but we hadn't completed the topic, so there was always a chance that today would be when the clouds would clear.
It wasn't to be.
"The last two days we've talked about standard heterosexual relationships and same-sex relationships," said Keith. He was sat down next to his wife Becky. "As we saw, the basics are mostly the same. What other relationships are there?"
"Family?" queried Paula, slightly nervously. "It isn't a sexual relationship, but it still is some type of relationship."
I briefly closed my eyes and sighed. This certainly won't be helping me learn why I'm not jealous.
"Yes it is," responded Keith. "It's great that you're thinking laterally on this. I know this might be hard for you all, but I want to discuss how relationships can change. Martha, let's start with you. You got caught by your parents a few years ago. Can you explain how it affected your relationship with them and with your brother?"
This brought me out of my self-pity. Martha had kept details of her family very much to herself. Some had tried talking to her about it and she had quickly changed the subject.
Martha paused for a moment and when she spoke it seemed rather forced, like she didn't want to say too much. "Well first off, it is my step-mom and half-brother. Mom died giving birth to me. When I was two, my Dad fell in love again and remarried. A year later I had a baby brother. I thought of my step-mom as my real mom. I never knew much different. She was always there for me and was as loving and kind as my dad was. If I fell down, she was the one to give me a cuddle or put on a Band-Aid. My Dad was more of a practical person. I remember him teaching me to ride my bike. He used to always be there every Saturday to take me to softball. My younger brother was a bit of a pain at times, but I love him."
"So, for a long time, you had a pretty good relationship with your parents and brother?" Becky gently asked.
"Yes."
"Did that change when you were caught wearing female clothes?"
I saw Martha swallow as if she was trying to keep her emotions in check. Erika must have known this as she moved as close as she could to Martha and placed a comforting arm around her. "Do you want me to just explain the reaction?" Martha paused and in more of a shaky voice continued, "Or do you want me to say what happened?"
"That's up to you," responded Becky, effectively putting the ball back in Martha's court.
Martha nodded and looked around at us, before turning to Erika and said something quietly.
"We can do better than just me holding you," replied Erika, loudly enough for us to all hear. She slid onto the floor and dragged Martha with her.
It didn't take the rest of us long to move back the settees and join them on the floor. This had been the first time that we'd ever had a group huggle like this, away from our year's common room. We'd talked about many subjects in life facts, but never anything that was so personal.
"I was ten when I was first caught," she took a breath and looked around. She bit her lip slightly and looked towards the floor before continuing. "It was only a few days after I first got my own female clothes. I'd felt like a girl for ages and wanted to put on some female clothes, but I had no chance before then. My Mom was far too tall and her stuff just drowned me when I tried. It took me ages before I saved enough of my allowance so that nobody noticed I wasn't spending anything."
Martha stopped, but didn't look up. The way she spoke made me feel that she wasn't just telling us what happened; it was like she was reliving it.
When Martha didn't appear to continue, Becky gently asked, "How were you caught?"
It made me jump slightly; I'd not seen her join us on the floor. She wasn't in our protective circle, but sat to one side along with Keith. I smiled slightly to see they were holding hands. I'd never seen this type of affection between them before.
"Will you all keep this to yourselves?"
We all agreed and Martha settled slightly and again took us back to the time her parents discovered her secret.
* * *
None of us could speak after Martha had finished. It wasn't that we didn't want to speak; it is that nobody knew what to say. I mean, what could someone say about a situation like that?
Eventually Becky broke the silence. "Martha, do you want to be excused from the rest of today?"
"No," she eventually uttered, trying desperately to control her emotions.
I'd never seen someone as upset as she was right now and I couldn't understand why she would say no.
Rather shakily she continued, "I want to be here ... with my friends. It might help me."
I don't think this was the response Becky and Keith had expected, but since they had given her the choice, they let her stay.
"Okay, that was an example of family relationships being altered due to circumstances. Does anybody else have an example they wish to give, and it doesn't have to be about them."
There was a pause where nobody wanted to volunteer anything. Eventually Emma spoke up. "My sister's relationship changed with us when she got pregnant."
Again there was a glance between Becky and Keith. This one seemed to be a look of worry. I wondered what was going on. They obviously knew something and they didn't look too happy that something might come up.
Keith eventually spoke, "Yes Emma, pregnancy is often a source of change in a relationship; not only with the other parent, but sometimes with the surrounding family. It can heal relationships, as it can bring families closer together. It can also cause issues with families if there are jealousies, or some parents don't think it is advised."
Becky opened her mouth to move the conversation on, but Emma said, "This one split my family. I'd always been close to my sister and she was the first one I told about being TS. Anyway, my parents were always getting at her for dressing like others when she went out. They always said she was showing off too much of her body and that people would think she was a slut. She didn't wear anything different from anybody else her age.
"One night she came home crying. We normally chatted when she was upset, but she just went to her room. I followed her, but she screamed at me to leave her alone. A few weeks later there was an almighty row with our parents, and she moved out. My parents told me she was pregnant and she didn't know who the father was. They refused to see her or the baby. I was the only one that ever went to see her.
"When I got offered the place at Hayfield I almost didn't take it, as I was the only family that Sarah ever saw."
Emma paused while biting her lip, trying to hold back the tears. It was obvious she missed her sister.
She continued, "We often write and I get a picture of Naomi quite often in the letter."
"Was Naomi the person you got that fantastic doll's house for?" asked Helen.
"Yes," smiled Emma, her eyes twinkling from the tears she was holding back.
"Does she still not see her parents?" Brian asked.
"I've only had one letter so far this year. It seems Sarah was persuaded to tell Mum about how she got pregnant and is starting to see a bit more of her."
Becky started, "Thanks Emm-"
"She was raped?" whispered Jill, barely audible.
Emma just gave a small nod and burst into tears. To Anna's bewilderment, Jill leaned across and gently hugged Emma. I saw Jill's mouth move, but couldn't hear what she said. Emma pulled back, looking shocked. In an instant she had stopped crying. I glanced at Becky and Keith, who were watching the unfolding scene, but weren't saying anything.
Emma grabbed an offered tissue and wiped her eyes, she was now in Paula's arms. After a few minutes, she appeared calmer. "Sarah is now seeing a therapist. She has found that speaking about it helped."
There was a knock on the door, but it stayed closed. "That's Rachel," I said, as most of year-one looked at me. We all turned to look at Keith and Becky.
"That was me, "admitted Becky.
"Why?" asked Helen.
"Just in case. That knock was just to let me know she was here, but didn't come in."
"No, it was to announce it to us all," I said. "If she just wanted to let you know, she would have sent you a message on your PDA. You tried to stop Emma talking about her sister, so obviously had a concern about the subject."
Becky scowled, "I think this might be a conversation you want to have with me after this class."
"Yes miss," I responded.
"Okay," said Keith. "We've explored the fact that the family is a different type of relationship and that relationship can change due to different circumstances."
"So why is Rachel here?" Anna asked, echoing the thoughts going through my mind. "She only looks after four of us."
Becky sighed. "Anna I don't-"
"She's here because of me," said Jill. "She's here because last year I was raped."
"You never told me about this," said Anna, her eyes wide in shock. "Is this what you just whispered to Emma?"
Jill nodded.
"Is this the nightmares that you sometimes have?"
Jill nodded again.
"So you told someone else before me?"
"It isn't something I like to remember, let alone talk about," snapped Jill. "It happened and there wasn't any need to worry you about it. What could you have done?"
"I didn't want you to suffer in silence."
"You were there for me. Mum had just died and I'd just moved to Milton Keynes. You were there to comfort and help me."
"Is that why you wouldn't let me too close until just before we came to school?"
Jill burst into tears and we moved to form a circle around Anna and Jill, embracing them both. I looked around expecting Rachel to have come in, but it was still just Becky and Keith.
Jill calmed down a bit and in a strangled voice called, "Keith, do you know about the post rape tests?"
"After a rape, the victim undergoes various tests to make sure they haven't been given any infection. Some diseases take time to show and several tests are repeated over six months."
"And, did you have anything?" Anna asked Jill rather harshly.
"Do you think that if I had HIV or anything that we would have had sex?" retorted Jill.
Anna blushed and elbowed Jill rather firmly. Jill realised what she'd said and quickly apologised.
"I take it this was before you joined the school?" Helen prompted.
"Of course," Jill quickly agreed.
"We wouldn't dream of breaking the school rules," added Anna, still a beetroot colour.
This got some giggles from the others in our year. Keith and Becky just shook their heads.
"At the moment I think you have bigger issues to deal with," said Becky moving a bit closer to us. "Jill you have bottled this issue up and have refused to talk to Rachel about it. You were very brave breaking your silence to help Emma, but now it is known. So what do you want to do about it?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you want to discuss this with Rachel? I believe she is still waiting outside. Or do you want to talk about it here?"
My heart went out to Jill. It was plainly obvious that Jill didn't want to discuss it, but Becky wasn't giving Jill the option of not discussing it.
"What if Jill doesn't want to discuss it?" I interceded. "This was a highly personal thing."
"You didn't discuss your issue late last year and then you tried to commit suicide," Keith reminded me.
I didn't need reminding of that. "Jill isn't me. She is her own person with her own issues. Not everybody commits suicide because something traumatic happened. It isn't right to compare the two."
"Of course," agreed Keith with a disarming smile. "And nobody can or should force Jill to talk about it."
"So Jill?" asked Anna.
She looked torn and seemed to hate making this decision. Eventually she said, "Rachel."
"Can I come with you?" Anna asked.
Jill nodded.
"Okay, let's call an end to today's class," said Becky, getting off the floor. "We can pick up more in our next class on Relationships. I don't think we've finished yet. I just hope that future lessons aren't so heavy."
When we opened the door, Rachel was waiting. "So?"
"Just me and Jill," said Anna, holding her partners hand. The rest of us stood by the door and watched them disappear, still wondering what had happened in the six months between Jill's mother dying and her joining the school.
Jill and Anna hadn't appeared by the evening meal, and there were mutterings, not just on our table, if all was okay. Mr Hobson obviously had heard the talk and rose before the meal bell rang. The room quickly became quiet.
"I have heard the chatter that Jill and Anna aren't here. There is nothing for you all to worry about and I would ask you to carry on as normal. For the rest of today, anybody that normally sees Rachel should speak with one of the other support staff. My door is as always open to anybody who wishes to talk with me instead."
I smiled as Mr Hobson sat down. Basically he'd told the school that Jill and Anna were having some intensive counselling. There had been no mention of a suicide alert, so it was just one of the things that cropped up that needed dealing with. It wasn't unheard of for students to need longer chats; I'd missed a few meals because of that myself.
Towards the end of the main course, Emma turned to Becky, who was the psychiatrist sitting at our table. "I'm sorry if I caused this. You tried to stop me talking too much about my sister, didn't you?"
"You weren't to know," replied Becky. "And in some ways, it was good for you to get it off your chest."
I'd been thinking that Becky and Keith had deliberately got Jill to talk about her past, but now Emma had mentioned things, I began to reassess the episode.
"For someone so observant, you can be really blind," said Helen, barely loud enough for me to hear.
"Stop reading my mind," I hissed back.
"I'm not. You just got that introspective look on your face that you sometimes get."
"I do?"
Helen just laughed and the others at our table looked at us, wondering what was going on. Thankfully Helen kept it to herself.
After the meal was finished the others started making the way back to the common room. I hung back a moment to have a private word with Becky.
"Yes?" Becky said, looking up.
"I'm sorry if I seemed a bit impertinent earlier about Jill having therapy."
"Perhaps a little more politeness could have been in order, but as a year leader it is part of your responsibilities to stand up for those in your year. You may have let your personal views on therapy influence your argument a bit, but your point was valid to a degree, which Keith acknowledged. However, you only looked at it from one perceptive. The chat with Rachel isn't just for Jill's benefit, but also for Anna. One of the things Rachel will be making sure is that Anna understands what Jill has been through and why Jill kept what happened to herself."
I bit my bottom lip and took a moment to think. "I hadn't thought of that."
"I know. Don't forget that you are only year-one. You have five years of learning at this school. Not just academic work, but other things. If we had thought you had been out of step you would have been told. Now run along."
I didn't get far. Waiting outside the dining room was Stacy. "David, do you have a moment?"
"Of course."
She dragged me into a room. "What's up with Jill and Anna?"
I didn't answer immediately. I didn't want what had happened to Jill spread across the school in gossip. However, on the other hand, Stacy wasn't likely to do that. But mention of rape might upset Stacy. This wasn't a situation where I wasn't to be evasive, but giving a straight answer might not be the right thing either.
"A traumatic part of Jill's past got mentioned in Life Facts. Even though it happened last year, Anna didn't know. They're with Rachel talking about it."
"Are you talking about Jill being raped last year?"
My heart sank and I gazed at her rather worriedly. "It isn't a word you have to dance around with me."
"It wasn't on her file," I mentioned.
"I thought it was." Stacy took out her PDA and pressed a few buttons. "Ah yes. Sorry, I haven't had chance to explain the codes. When something like a rape occurs, the details are put in as a code. Code 812 means that the person was raped and was negative on all tests. There is a list of the codes further into the system."
"I'd not had chance to read too many profiles yet, let alone look at some of the other things. I thought I had a bit more time."
"So tell me what happened in the lesson."
I gave her a brief synopsis, and then explained what was said between Emma and Becky at the meal.
Stacy nodded as I compressed it into a few minutes. "And if you'd known, it wouldn't have stopped it happening, since none of us knew about Emma's sister and we don't have access to the psychiatrist's private files. While you are here, let me show you where the codes file is — there aren't too many of them."
There weren't and it wasn't long before I was on my way back to our year's common-room vowing to go through all the profiles.
* * *
It was Friday before we got to have another Life Fact's lesson. Jill and Anna had a standing meeting with Rachel at 11am, in case they needed it. They took that option on the Thursday but on the Friday they didn't. Their relationship seemed none the worse, and according to Jill when we'd had a quiet word, it seems that most of Wednesday evening had been spent pouring their hearts out to each other. Since Jill hadn't told Anna something important, it seems they both decided to tell each other everything, right down to the ridiculous. I couldn't imagine doing that, but according to Jill it was very cathartic.
"So, welcome to another exciting Life Facts session," started Keith as we all settled down on the settees.
"Yes, let's just hope it isn't as exciting as Wednesday," said Becky. "Today, we will be continuing our look at Relationships. We've seen many different types so far, are there any takers for other types of relationship?"
"You mean there's more?" queries Brian.
"Yes, there are many more. So, any takers?"
Jill looked at me and raised her eyebrows. I gave a small discreet nod.
"How about two couples who seem to be in a mixed relationship? They all know about it, and there doesn't appear to be any issues. The one part that I didn't understand though was that there was no jealousy. How it was described by one of them was they were glad that their partner was happy, no matter if it was with them or with this other person."
"Did you blab to Jill?" hissed Helen, so only I could hear.
"A little. She'd already worked things out. Just before this lesson I filled her in with the rest and asked her to mention it. I didn't think it would get mentioned otherwise."
"I'll let you take this one," said Becky to Keith.
"Ooh, thanks! You always like to give me the more unusual ones! At first I thought this was just a description of an open relationship. However, when Jill mentioned that all parties knew what was going on, and that there was no jealousy, this seems to be describing something we call Polyamory. This is something I don't think we've ever covered in the relationships class before, since it has never been brought up."
It was obvious that Keith was in his element here, and seemed genuinely excited that this had been brought up.
"Okay, here is the lowdown. This is where there are more than two people in a loving relationship. Poly comes from the Greek meaning many and Amor is Latin meaning desire. It isn't to be mistaken with a threesome, or group-sex, this is something different. In fact sex sometimes doesn't come into it at all. Openness is another factor, the parties involved are aware that more than one other person is involved, though they might not be directly involved with the same people. Finally, is compersion, which is the sometimes referred to as the opposite of jealousy. It is not really the lack of jealousy, but rather the happiness that the person they are in a relationship with is happy."
Keith paused while we took it all in. I'd just sat there my mouth slightly ajar with my heart pounding faster than normal. All I knew was it was a relationship that had a name and therefore my feelings weren't unique. It was almost a feeling of euphoria. I glanced at Helen who seemed to have a restrained smile on her face.
"They aren't jealous that their partner is seeing someone else?" Helen asked.
"This goes back to something we discussed very early on in relationships. If you don't trust, then any relationship will eventually fail. If there is too much jealousy, then trust will diminish to the point of relationship failure. There is one thing to keep in mind. Relationships with anybody takes work. Imagine, if you have a relationship with more than one person, it can get even harder. As I mentioned, these relationships might not be sexual."
"So what's an open relationship and how does it differ from this Polywatsit?" Lewis queried.
"Polyamory," corrected Keith. Helen jotted the term down on her PDA. "And a great question! Okay, an open relationship is often for sex. The partner knows and accepts sex might be gained from elsewhere, but love is only something they get from their primary partner. With polyamory, the driver is love. Sex might occur outside their primary partner, but not always."
"Perhaps after we've finished relationships we should discuss the difference between love and sex," said Becky.
"Hush, you will make them think we do this off the cuff," said Keith trying to keep a straight face. "Okay, so to recap, Polyamory is the love of many people. All the people involved know and consent to love being shared. Sex may or may not be involved. Happiness for them doesn't come through just being with their partner, but by their partner being happy."
"That's weird," said Emma.
"To you it might be," said Becky. "But I'm sure that some might say the same about your relationship. Are you really going to judge someone for being in a relationship that you think is weird?"
Ouch, Becky was coming down really hard on poor Emma.
Emma went a nice shade of red. I don't think she'd meant it like that. "No, I'm not going to judge. Perhaps weird was the wrong phrase. I'd never heard of such a thing before and I think I'm going to have to do some more reading up about it. I'm sorry, Jill and Anna, if I offended you."
Anna looked at Jill rather surprised and Jill quickly responded. "It isn't us. I'm very happy in my relationship with Anna. I'd heard about this relationship type and wanted to know more."
I almost owned up that it was me that had asked Jill to ask, but everyone in the room seemed to accept what Jill said, and the lesson moved on to discuss other relationship types. As soon as the lesson ended Helen and I sent a secured message to Stacey and Andy informing them what was said in the lesson.
That night, while lying cuddled with Helen, I contemplated what I'd heard in Life Facts. We weren't the first people to be in such a relationship, and I wasn't the first person in the world not to get jealous. Anyway, was it polyamory? I wasn't really in a relationship with Stacey, we just fancied each other. I thought it was more than a crush, but as Becky had said the other day; I was still young and had a lot to learn.
"What are you thinking about?" mumbled Helen.
"About today's lesson," I replied. "Are we in a polyamorous relationship because we both accept we both like other people, or because Andy and Stacy have said nothing can happen, that it is just a normal relationship?"
Helen paused. "Whatever relationship style we are in, it's normal for us. Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about labels. I think it will help us understand what we feel a bit more, but why let it guide us?"
"I suppose." I kissed the top of her back above her pyjamas top and settled down knowing that a little more of this complex world had been revealed.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 58
Wednesday, 25th January 2006
All we had been told was that tonight's meal was something a bit special. When I'd made enquiries with the older years, all I got was a smile and told that I was going to experience something different. Eventually, I managed to find that there was no special dress code, but perhaps being smartly dressed would add to the occasion. When I relayed this to the rest of Year-One, groans filled the room.
It was with a bit of trepidation that we made our way, smartly dressed, to the dining room. We weren't the first to arrive, and thank goodness, we weren't the last. Year-Two arrived just after us, and as they settled, I looked over again at their table. There was a gap where Renee normally sat. She'd seemed okay earlier, so sent a message to Dan asking if all was okay.
"Just wait," was the somewhat cryptic response.
Stacy rose, and the room fell silent. I expected an address but instead she recited a poem
Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
And sae the Lord be thankit.
She sat down as everyone applauded. I looked around our year table, and I wasn't the only one who looked puzzled. The only one who didn't was Anna, and she didn't look too well.
"This is Burns Night," she explained, as if that made sense.
"What's that?" asked Lewis, mirroring my thoughts.
"25th January is the birthdate of a Scottish poet called Robert Burns. Some people celebrate his birthday with a celebration meal and recite some of his poems."
"You seem to know a lot about it," Helen commented.
"Dad dragged us to one last year." As Anna turned towards Rachel, I noticed she was looking a bit pale. "How traditionally does the school do this?"
"There won't be any whiskey served. Though I presume your question is more to do with the main course."
Anna nodded.
"Did you try it last year?"
"Gah," she gagged. "No!"
"It's actually not that bad."
"What is the main course?" enquired Paula.
"Haggis," said Emma, as she put her PDA down.
I didn't hear any more as the serving bell tinged and I went with Helen to retrieve the food.
As always, the kitchen staff were ready when we got there.
"Be careful," said Donna, the sous-chef. "The bowls of soup are rather full. Oh, and the one with the different bowl is for Paula. I'm told she doesn't like leeks."
"Thanks," responded Helen and I together.
"What is the soup?" I enquired.
"Cock-a-Leekie for you all, and a Scotch Broth done without leaks for Paula. Oh, have you worked out what's for the main course?"
"Haggis."
"There are always some in year-one that don't like the sound of it. If any of you don't want it, then we have something else prepared."
We took a trolley each and gently pushed them back to our table. Paula was surprised to see a different dish for her until she found out what it was. The discussion about the Haggis was still raging, and I had to ask what the issue was.
"Sheep's bladder," shuddered Anna.
Yvonne had heard our discussion and came across from the year-three table. "Didn't you hear they spent all yesterday hunting the Haggis in the woods near the shooting range? The Haggis is a fearsome creature when hunted."
Emma burst out laughing. "You can't get me like that," she said to Yvonne.
"You mean there wasn't a Haggis hunt yesterday?" Paula asked, slightly bewildered.
"I should have known it wouldn't have worked on Emma," sighed Yvonne. "Oh, well." Yvonne went back to her table and we were all laughing about it, as we ate our soup.
We didn't have time to clear our empty soup bowls back onto the trolley before the sound of a bagpipe filtered into the room. I smiled to myself, now understanding where Renee was. It didn't take long for Renee to appear from kitchen wearing a kilt. Behind her came Justin, the school's head chef. He was carrying a dish on a silver platter. He had it raised so we could all see it.
"That’s the Haggis," quietly explained Anna to us.
Behind Justin came Victor from year four. I watched as they paraded around the room, all three of them looking very smart in the Scottish attire. Eventually they stopped by our table, and we shifted so they had room for Justin to place the dish on the edge of our table.
I'd not had much dealing with Victor, and hadn't had chance to review past year-three on the student profiles that I now had access to. Renee stopped playing and Victor looked around. A smile lit up his face and he started reciting another poem, but bizarrely, it seemed to be aimed towards the Haggis. His thick Scottish accent made it difficult to follow what he was saying, and while I thought I understood some, it seemed to be intermingled with strange words which I didn't understand.
Suddenly he produced a knife and all of us in year one gasped in shock. Knives like that weren't normally allowed in this school, or probably any school. Before we could get over our shock he proceeded to stab the Haggis. Because of the flourish of his performance, we all settled back in our seats, understanding this was part of the evening's entertainment; though it did take a while for my heart to beat at its normal pace.
"I scared you, didn't I?" Victor asked, after the Haggis had been removed back to the kitchen.
There were lots of nods all around. "Surprised and shocked," I added.
"Yeah, it isn't every day you see a knife like that," added Jill.
"Aye, ain't that so," Victor agreed. "Now I know you've all probably had your PDA's out and been looking up about the Haggis. Please try some, for me." He put on this begging look and we all laughed and stupidly agreed.
When Helen and I went to the kitchen they were rather surprised that we were all asking for the Haggis. "It's great that your year is so adventurous," smiled Donna as she helped load the trollies.
"Hoodwinked is more like it," muttered Helen as she looked at the Haggis with trepidation.
"Remember, don't go by the looks or the smell, but by the taste," called Donna, as we made our way back to our table. I took a sniff at the aroma and wished I'd got a clothes peg for my nose.
"What's that stink?" asked Brian, as we got to the table.
"It isn't a Xandoxan," smiled Rachel as I placed her plate in front of her.
"A what?" we all chorused.
"Never mind, a film I saw when I was a bit younger. The Xandoxan were interstellar hit beasts."
"Which film?" Lewis asked. I pretended to keel over.
"You mean there is a sci-fi film you've not seen?" Helen teased.
Lewis blew a very loud raspberry, which got a warning from everyone at the table.
"I can't remember the film," sighed Rachel. "And no looking it up now, you need to eat your meal."
That bit of banter had been a welcome diversion, and now I was reminded of the food. I finished serving and when I sat down I saw that everyone, besides Rachel, had been picking at the food.
Helen took a sigh and took a taste of the Haggis. I wasn't the only one watching, as she tentatively placed the morsel into her mouth. She didn't say anything, but took a slightly larger piece and slowly placed it in her mouth.
"Helen, stop teasing," I warned her.
"You've got to try it," she responded. "If you don't, I'll eat yours."
That was enough for Lewis, who had been uncharacteristically been holding back. He took a sample and was soon having more. "This is good stuff," he said, his mouth full of food.
"But it smells awful," complained Paula.
"If you put it in your mouth then you won't smell it," teased Lewis.
Paula stuck out her tongue and got a rebuke from Rachel for being rude.
In the end we all tried it and we all ate it up. I suppose this is one of those "don't judge a book by its cover" things. Or in this case, don't judge the taste by its smell.
When we took our empty dishes back we got a knowing smile from the staff. "It was delicious," said Helen as we unloaded the plates. "Thanks."
"Glad you had the guts to try it," said Justin bringing across our deserts. "Not many in year-one tried it last year."
As we brought the trolley through, I heard another poem being recited. This was about the sixth during the meal. None had been given by anybody in our year. When we got to our table, there was a discussion on who would say a poem from our table. Rachel was just sitting back watching and not saying anything. It seemed that since we hadn't been there, they were trying to decide if I should do it or Helen.
"Charming," I muttered, as I placed the bowl rather firmly in front of Jill.
"But you always do any announcements to the rest of the school," said Anna, trying to justify things.
"What about one of you lot trying it then? I have lots of experience."
They glanced at each other, surprised at that turn of events.
"I suppose I've not really been doing my half of the announcements," admitted Helen.
I didn't say anything.
"I do announcements to the orchestra," said Lewis. "I suppose it can't be worse than that. I'll do a poem."
Lewis pulled out his PDA and started looking at different Robert Burns poem's, his pudding unusually untouched. When he stood up to recite it we all put down our spoons to listen. When he finished we were rather warm with our applause; he'd spoken very well.
As we finished out rather tasty pudding, Rachel decided to speak to us all, "A bit of planning for you all. When year-five leave there is normally a five week gap before the new intake start in July. All but one of those weeks is for you to do as you please — a sort of holiday. However, one of the weeks, and which one you have to decide between you, is a time for group study. This isn't anything formal, but a time to find out more about a subject you might not cover in normal classes."
"Do we have to give a report, or a presentation after?" asked Paula.
"No, nothing like that. It is an opportunity we are giving you, nothing more, nothing less. Oh, and if you need to leave the school grounds, then either a member of staff will take you, or if they are available two of the current or past leavers."
"When do we need to let you know?" asked Helen.
"The topic by the end of April. The date a week before you want to start."
"So could we research sunbathing in Spain?" asked Emma, a small grin on her face.
"What do you think?" said Rachel, giving her a meaningful stare.
She didn't get chance to answer as Mr Hobson stood up. "I have a choice for you all for some after dinner entertainment. Would you like to see a historic film about Robert Burns, or would you like to have a Burn's party with lots of awful loud music and dancing. Those that want the school to watch the film shout 'film'." He paused and there wasn't a murmur. "This is very suspicious. Perhaps the haggis made you all lose you voices. Okay, for those that want to have a dance, shout 'dance'."
We all proved rather vocally that we hadn't lost our voices.
"Thank goodness for that. I was beginning to think that the medical wing was going to be working overtime. The party will be in the hall at eight. I think that will give you enough time to get ready."
Everyone looked at the time and the dining room was quickly deserted. There was no way I'd be ready. Heck, I didn't know what I was going to wear. It wasn't until I got to my room and started removing my clothes that I remembered that I wasn't dressing as Jayne. I slowed down a bit; I had plenty of time.
It was quite a relief to find we weren't the first or last to arrive. Brian and Lewis were there before us, which wasn't a total surprise. I thought Helen might have tried to persuade me to dress as Jayne for the dance, but she hadn't. In fact she had been insistent that I wasn't to be. Sometimes I don't understand that girl.
Thursday, 26th January 2006
I still felt tired as I stumbled down towards breakfast. Our curfew had been relaxed and the dancing and partying had gone on far too long. Looking back, most of year two had disappeared in good time, and perhaps we should have done the same. At first our year had kept pretty much to ourselves, but as the evening had progressed we noticed that most of the rest of the school was mingling. It was only a small school, and we did do a few things together, such as orchestra or when we did the Revue. Normal lessons were year based apart from language studies, which were cross-year ever since we'd completed French.
Helen and I were the first ones to get to our year-room, and there wasn't much time before breakfast. We expected others to arrive, but apart from Brian and Lewis, there were no others. When there was only a few minutes before breakfast we did a ring around. The calls were all met with groans.
"Did you have to ring us?" moaned Emma and she arrived. "I was in the middle of a wonderful dream."
"I didn't want any of us getting into trouble for oversleeping," explained Helen. "I checked a few minutes ago, and classes are on as normal."
"You're kidding," added Paula in a similar fashion to her study partner.
We just made it to breakfast and as we walked in we were met with a round of applause. I was quite bewildered at why until we sat down. Mr Hobson, who had joined us at our table, soon explained.
"You are the first complete year-one to make it to breakfast on time after the Burns Night Dance. I know what time you left the dance, so I'm sure you won't be with it most of the day, but that is the consequence of not thinking ahead. At this school you are given a lot more freedom than normal, but use it wisely. You should have realised that today was still a school day!"
"Year three seem fine, and they were there until curfew," frowned Brian.
"That comes with knowing that there was going to be a dance later. They opted for nap yesterday before the evening meal. Also, since they're a bit older, they can cope a bit better with a single night of less sleep."
"We didn't get that chance because we didn't know about the dance before you announced it at the meal. So are lessons really still on?" asked Helen, already knowing the answer.
"Of course. Now I'm not heartless, so a little tip — any special lessons between eleven and lunch have been cancelled, so you all should have an extra hours break. Use it wisely."
Helen pulled out her PDA. She was supposed to be chatting with Andy about her role as beta-two. At first a look of sadness came across her face, but was soon replaced by a look of relief.
Mr Hobson was true to his word and the first two lessons of the day were torture. None of us felt like doing any work, but that didn't stop the teachers droning on. Thankfully we didn't fall asleep, which might have been because the lessons were a lot more interactive than normal. I would hate to have experienced the punishment for falling asleep in lessons.
It was with some relief that we got released a few minutes early from our last morning lesson. We all rushed out, and instead of heading to the year-one room, we all dashed towards our bedrooms.
"I take it your chat with Andy was cancelled?" I enquired. I was already pretty sure of the answer because it was obvious Helen was going to have a nap.
She nodded. "He rearranged for tomorrow. There isn't any rush."
"Time will slip by. I remember someone saying like 'Don't put off doing something today just because it can be done tomorrow, because something new might turn up'."
Helen put her PDA on the bedside table. "What are you saying?"
"If you are feeling less tired after our nap, why don't you rearrange for tonight? Then you can grill him for not warning us about lessons being on today!"
Helen laughed and joined me on the bed. There wasn't much snuggling as we were both soon catching up on last night's missed sleep.
When I woke I felt a bit strange. I hated having a nap during the day, but I suppose if more after curfew events were going to happen because we were in the beta team, it might be something I needed to get used to. Either that or get used to less sleep on occasions. This was one of the downsides that I hadn't thought about when I'd accepted being Beta-one. I made a mental note to ask Stacy about the curfew arrangements for the next year, since year-two still had to be in our bedrooms by ten.
During our afternoon lessons I was a lot more alert than I was during the morning ones. If it wasn't for them being more interactive, then I'm sure one of us would have fallen asleep. It was just as the last lesson was finishing that Helen's and my PDAs pinged, signalling an urgent schedule update. Teachers were good about arranging updates not to occur during other lessons. We fished out our machines and there was an important meeting for all year leaders with Mr Hobson as soon as the lesson ended. The lesson must have been running slightly late, or the message wouldn't have pinged in the middle of the lesson.
"Sorry guys," said Helen to the rest of the year, when the lesson eventually ended. "Mr Hobson has decided to call an urgent year leader meeting."
There were various "Ooh's" that we heard in the distance as they dawdled to our year room. Helen and I though walked quickly towards Mr Hobson's office. We were the last to arrive.
"Excellent," said Mr Hobson as we went into is room. "This will be announced during the meal, but I thought a brief discussion would be advisable. We have just been notified by Ofsted that they will be visiting on Monday and Tuesday next week."
"Oh good," I let out.
Everybody looked at me in surprise and I turned a shade of red. I hadn't meant it to be verbalised.
"I'm glad it'll be over with before our commitment ceremony. I'd had a picture in my mind of them turning up unannounced half way through the event. Sorry if that's a bit self-centred."
"Understandable though," smiled Mr Hobson. "From the student perspective, there shouldn't be much involvement. Ofsted are here to assess the teaching and the school, not the students. While here, they may ask some students some questions about the lessons, but that is about it. Can you all talk with your years and see if there are any volunteers, just in case Ofsted ask for them? They have also got some optional questionnaires that they ask to be filled in. After tonight's meals, can you make sure that everyone in your year gets one?"
He opened his folder and took out five prepared batches which he handed out. He started with Stacy and made his way down the years. When he came to year-one he hesitated, not knowing who to give it to. I leaned across and held out my hand. Just one of the issues he hadn't thought of with having joint heads of the year.
Since I was seated next to Helen we shared as we glanced at the questionnaire. The first part was pretty standard stuff about what we thought of the school. The second part wasn't what I was expecting. It was geared to the boarding bit of school, and what we thought of the rooms, meals and privacy.
"Don't they have a website to do this on?" asked Tim.
"Not yet, though they are talking about it as part of the government drive to put more online. I know you use computers and PDA's for a lot, but I'm sure you haven't forgotten how to use pen and paper!"
We all laughed at that.
Mr Hobson continued, "Now we've got the admin out of the way, is there anything that I don't know about that this inspection might impact, or they impact the inspection?"
I thought hard about it, but couldn't come up with anything happening with year-one. I glanced across at Helen and she shook her head. I was about to respond no when I suddenly had an idea, "The only thing I can think about it Erika and Martha."
Mr Hobson nodded. "That might have been an issue if we hadn't sorted things out properly. Martha and Erika are here legally on a special one year exchange program which we can extend. Anything else?"
None of the other years had anything to report, which pleased Mr Hobson. "Thank you for your time. If anybody does think of anything then please let me know."
As we walked out of Mr Hobson's office, Stacy called Helen and me to one side. "Helen, are you sure you will be okay to talk with Andy tonight?"
"I had a good rest just before lunch," Helen responded. "I'm okay for tonight if he is."
"Excellent, I'll let him know."
When we got into our year room Brian put his hands over his heart like he was in shock. "Is that paper I see?"
"Yes," I responded, not rising to his bait. "It is for after our meal, so no peaking. It gives you a little time to remember where we stored the pens."
"Ha ha." We all knew where it was — in the cupboard just below the television. They weren't used much, but there were times when they were resorted to.
The questionnaires sparked a lot if curiosity, but nobody pressed too much and they were left untouched on the side. It wasn't long before the meal and Mr Hobson made the announcement, including the optional forms.
"Will they come into our lessons?" asked Emma to Becky, our years support person. "I presume you were here when they had their last inspection."
"Yes, I was here when they came three years ago. They might come into a lesson, but probably not for the whole lesson. They will be here to assess how the school does. Some of that is reviewing a lot of paperwork the school produces, results, lesson plans. Ofsted inspections have changed a lot over the last few years. We had someone for the Department of Education check up on us last year."
"What about orchestra practice?" Lewis asked.
"If it is still scheduled for Monday, then it probably is. Music is a big part of the school's output, so I'm sure it won't be left out."
For some reason the thought of having visitors in the school made me think of Sam. Sam would have got very nervous about someone getting that close. Even though we had regular contact it wasn't the same.
"What're you thinking about?" Helen whispered.
"Sam," I said, not a quietly as Helen.
"I miss Sam too. Don't forget both Sam and Jessica will be back for our marriage."
"Affirmation," Becky corrected.
"When is that going to be?" asked Emma.
"Certainly not while Ofsted are here," Helen responded. That got a few laughs.
I wish it was next week.
"But isn't it a while-" started Brian.
"Rachel wants us to wait a bit longer," I interrupted. "Okay?" I couldn't say much more, not out here.
Helen put her hand on my knee. I'd been a bit sharp with Brian, but sometimes I wish some in our year weren't so inquisitive.
Brian looked slightly surprised for a second and then blushed. "Sorry."
"Me too," I responded, with a small smile. "I just wish it was next week."
It was when we were all out year's room that I raised the subject again. "I'm sorry Brian if I stopped you asking earlier."
"It's okay," he responded. "I suppose I was being a bit nosy."
"Perhaps, but I'd like to tell you. It's just I didn't want to say too much there. Helen and I appear to be over our issues from Russia, but Rachel said that sometimes as life progresses that the issues might resurface."
"But why would that stop your ceremony?"
"Because, just like a wedding, it can be stressful, and stress is a more probable trigger. Helen and I will wait a little longer, and if all is okay try and set a date."
Monday 30th January 2006
The school's large imposing wrought iron gates had one major benefit. The Ofsted inspectors couldn't just turn up and see something that we would rather they didn't. As soon as they buzzed at the gate the word spread rapidly through the pupils. They had arrived before breakfast, which seemed to surprise most of us. Perhaps they'd heard how good the meals were and wanted to partake.
There were a few who found excuses to go past the main entrance as they arrived and take a quick peek, but the majority met them for the first time at breakfast. They weren't going to eat, but Mr Hobson thought it was a good time for us to all see the visitors who would be there for the next few days. The inspectors looked slightly bewildered at being shown to the pupils; I found out later that this was very unusual. They then disappeared with Mr Hobson and we could get on with our breakfast in peace. The inspection and the inspectors were the main conversation all the way through the meal.
As it was Monday, our first lesson was Computer Studies. For me this was one of the easiest lessons of the curriculum. I'd seen what was being taught and had already covered it all over the last few years. June's training had been very thorough. So I was quite relaxed as we left breakfast. It wasn't to last.
Stacy was waiting outside the dining room and signalled to me. Her expression was all business and I sighed to myself. It didn't look like it was going to be a conversation I was going to like.
"Hi," I said, trying not to look at her face. "What have I done wrong?"
"Nothing …yet."
"Yet?"
"Just a reminder. We are on show to Ofsted. Yes, they are inspecting the school, but we don't want to give anything away."
In a slightly hurt tone, I accused her, "You want me to be more boyish, don't you?"
Stacy hesitated. "There is another option."
I frowned, wondering what she meant. If this had been a cartoon then a light bulb would have suddenly lit up above my head. "Jayne. Do you prefer me as Jayne?"
She blushed and looked around.
"Truthfully now. Remember what we agreed on the train." I looked up and stared right into her eyes.
She didn't look away, but stared right back. "When you are fully David, you seem so sad. It's like you are doing something your heart isn't in. When you are dressed as Jayne, your heart seems there, but again there is some air of resentment. As you are now, you seem at peace, but only when you aren't bugged about it. When someone mentions it, or refers to you as female, you are the worst there is. It is like the life gets sucked out of you, that you feel defective and shouldn't exist."
"I am defective."
"To me you're not. To me you are perfect the way you are."
"Though nothing can happen," I sighed.
"Correct. Certainly not while we are all at school. After that, who knows. You might find that this was all because of what happened in Moscow, and in a year you don't have the same feelings. Anyway, my suggestion about not appearing at odds with what the inspectors think is just that; a suggestion. It's up to you."
I looked at the time and saw there was still twenty minutes before our first class, so knew the others would be in our common-room. I didn't get much chance to think about what Stacy said before I was there. There wasn't much time before the first lesson, so I decided to stay dressed as I was.
Everyone in the room looked at me as I walked in. Seeing it was me they all went back to what they were doing.
"Are you okay?" asked Helen as I went across the room to cuddle up to her.
"Yes, though I've got a favour to ask."
"Oh?"
"You are used to me, but the inspectors won't be. Therefore I'm going to try to act a bit more masculine for the next few days. If I slip up, will you remind me?"
"Of course," she replied without hesitation. "We're a team and we look out for each other. Are you sure you're okay with this?"
"I think so," I replied honestly. "Anyway, it will be good practice."
It wasn't just Helen who picked me up when I slipped, the whole year helped. Lewis was the most critical, but in a good way. Perhaps critical isn't the right word. Demanding for perfection might be better. He just didn't remind me, but also gave me pointers. Had I forgotten that much since boy lessons?
In the end it was a bit of a let-down. I expected the inspectors would ask lots of questions in the lessons, but they didn't. They watched, observed and wrote lots of notes. They also sat through the orchestra rehearsal on Monday and were very surprised when they discovered that a pupil was also the conductor; yet they didn't say anything, just sat and listened. For once I didn't see a single bit of note taking.
Tuesday 31st January 2006
The second day the same inspectors were back, but we got the warning earlier than expected. It seems they wanted to see for themselves that we were exercising. I half expected to see an inspector on a bike, but if they did, I didn't see one. The lead inspector joined us for our morning year-leader chat. Mr Hobson's office was cramped enough with six pupils, but with the inspector there too there were no spare seats.
"I'll stand," he offered, getting up from the settee and offering it to Susan, who was the last one to arrive.
When we were all settled, Mr Hobson explained what was happening. "Mr Davies is the lead inspector. As part of the introduction yesterday the year leaders were mentioned and he thought it would be good to sit in our morning chat. First off is there any feedback from yesterday or any other issue?" Helen raised her hand. "Helen."
Helen started, "Yesterday we had an inspector sit in most of our lessons. It might be disruptive if they sit in during life skills."
"Don't worry, that was already explained to Mr Davies yesterday. He was shown the lesson plan and agreed that it would not help the lesson for them to observer it. Any one-to-ones with support personnel will also be off limits."
I was glad about the last comment. I didn't want the inspector sitting in on my chat at eleven with Rachel. I couldn't imagine what the Ofsted inspector would think of chatting about what causes me to be sick.
Susan was next with a question. "The paperwork implied that the sleeping wing would be inspected. Since none of us have been contacted, is this going to happen today?"
"This will be raised at breakfast. According to the timetable this is scheduled for eleven. At breakfast we will be asking for volunteers to show their rooms. An application for this will be on the PDA until first lesson starts. The inspectors will choose a few names randomly. Any other questions?"
There weren't any.
"I have one piece of news for you. This morning I've had confirmation of the date for the orchestra demonstration. It will be Wednesday the 15th February. Any other business?"
There weren't and we all departed back to our year rooms. I'd expected the day to be a bit like the day before, but not only were they not in our life-skills class, but they weren't in any others either. Perhaps they were picking on other years.
The next time that I saw an Ofsted inspector was just before our evening meal and then it was just one, the head inspector. We'd all been called into the dining room early to hear what he had to say.
"This is the first time that I've ever done this," he started. "We normally discuss our findings with the school's management team and governors, then leave. However, Mr Hobson asked if I would briefly outline our findings to you all. This was on Monday when we arrived. Initially I refused, but after two days here, I find myself agreeing that for this school it is appropriate. So thank you for all coming early and at short notice.
"I'd like to thank you for all your hospitality and support. The new two day inspections are very hard work on the school, but everything we needed was ready. There were a few times where an inspector was lost, and was quickly guided somewhere by a pupil. We found the lessons a dream to sit in and were amazed at what was being taught. Educationally we could not fault the school.
"However, there was one area where we find room for improvement and that is with some of the boarding arrangements. The inspectors feel there isn't enough opportunity for pupils to leave the school grounds at weekends for a few hours. Growing up isn't just about scholastic education, but learning about the real world. I am aware that the school is remote, but some other remote boarding schools operate a shuttle service to the nearest town.
"That is one small issue which we had to try very hard to find. We were not only very impressed with the standard of education, teaching and facilities, but also the orchestra. You should all be proud at how well you play."
Mr Davies stopped and we all gave him a polite clap. It was quite a relief to see all the inspectors go so that school life could return to normal.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 59
Wednesday 15th February 2006
"We're going to be on the road for just over three hours, so please try to get some rest," announced Mr Hobson as we boarded the two coaches. The cold blast of air had woken me up a bit, but five was far too early to be leaving the school.
You would have thought that Mr Hobson would have learnt that children never like to relax, especially when going somewhere on a coach. There was much joking, laughing and singing. There was no way anybody could continue their sleep even if they wanted to. I was a bit surprised to see Stacy looking totally different from her usual self. She'd dyed her hair, and must have been wearing some subtle makeup which made her face look different. It reminded me of the time Jill had been made-up to look different when we went shopping in Milton Keynes.
The noise of the other traffic died down as we moved from the motorway onto a dual carriage and mostly petered out as we entered the edge of the town. Eventually, we tuned into a school. The area we'd been driving through hadn't looked the nicest area and we'd passed at least two burnt out cars. The school looked like it had received some half-hearted attempt at modernisation, but they'd given up half way through.
I'd been shocked at the quality of Hayfield when I'd first arrived there, and my old school had been pretty nice. If someone went from here to Hayfield I wondered how they would cope with such a drastic change. As we came to a halt in front of the school, a woman came bustling out of the doors and made a beeline for the front coach.
After conferring with her, Mr Hobson came back on and announced, "Again, thanks to the wonderful driving of Graham and Sally, we've arrived in perfect time. The students here are in registration, so what better time for us to get warmed up in their hall. Your instruments should be waiting for you on or by your seat. Please be on your best behaviour, as you are representing the school. Mrs Hampson will show us the way."
None of us wanted to leave the warmth of the coach and venture into the cooler air, however we knew we really didn't have a choice. I just hoped their school hall was warm. As we got off the coach, Sally, the driver of the coach we'd been on, continually wished us luck.
"And good luck keeping the coach safe," Lewis answered back.
"Thanks," Sally laughed. "Looking at this area, I might just need it."
The school hall was nice and warm and there was a raised area which had been set up for the orchestra. As I got near my seat I spied a mini-cannon just behind it. "Andy, that better not stay there!"
"I didn't put it there," he said defending himself. "I'll move it immediately."
When we'd practiced the 1812 Overture, we'd always used an improvised cannon. The only time we'd used a proper cannon was while we were in France. This one looked smaller and was probably an indoor concert cannon, more appropriate for this size of hall. We didn't have long to get warmed up before the first children started to enter, and we fell silent. We were playing for the first two years of the school, which appeared to be over 200 children.
When everyone was seated, Mrs Russell came to the front of us. "My name is Mrs Russell. I'm the music teacher for this orchestra. We're here to play some music and for you to ask some questions. After the first few pieces I'm told we will break into some workshops. Finally, some will get to help and play with us for the last piece."
There was some murmuring of excitement from the audience. Some were obviously looking forward to that special bit at the end.
"Now one of special things about this orchestra is that it only contains pupils at the school. That includes the conductor." Lewis waved. "The leader of the orchestra." Stacy waved. "And even the rebellious members of the percussion." Instead of waving, they played a five second ditty. This got the audience laughing. "So, let me hand over to Lewis, for the first piece."
We played the main Harry Potter theme, which seemed to go down well. After we'd finished, and the applause died down, Mrs Russell said, "There are two instruments that aren't in most pieces. First we have Dan over there on what looks like a piano. Dan, can you play a few bars?" Dan did some from the Harry Potter theme. "Any ideas what this is called?"
A few hands shot up.
"Jessica," called Mrs Clarkston, their school's music teacher.
"A harpsichord?"
"They are very similar, but not quite." A few hands shot up again. There was a girl three rows from the front that looked like she was almost lifting herself off the floor to be noticed. However, Mrs Clarkson chose someone else. "Luke."
"A celesta?"
"Yes, a celesta." She went on to explain the differences.
Mrs Russell took over again. "The other player who played an unusual instrument was Jill. Do you mind coming to the front so the children can see it?"
Jill made her way to the front of the audience and showed her instrument. She even went along the sides so those at the back could get a better look as Mrs Russell described the difference. "Has anybody got an idea what this instrument is called?"
There were no takers. "It is a bit unusual. It is called often referred to by its French name, Cor Anglais. This translates as English Horn. Yet it wasn't created in England and it isn't a horn. It is like a bigger brother to the oboe. Thank you Jill. We will play another two pieces, which are then going to be discussed in your class tomorrow. One word of warning, the next piece gets very loud towards the end. So if you don't like loud noise, then be warned. In fact, we need a volunteer to help with a very special instrument. Are there any takers?"
A few raised their hands. When Andy wheeled the cannon to the side of the stage, the number of hands greatly increased.
"Okay, we'll have Peter Hodgkins," said Mrs Clarkston, choosing a lad from towards the back.
"Andy, please make sure the volume is set low," requested Mrs Russell. "We don't want the police getting called because someone thinks a bomb has gone off."
Peter came up. "Do you read music?" asked Andy.
"No."
"Okay, you see that guy there," said Andy pointing to Dan from year-two. "You fire the cannon only when he indicates you should. Do you want to try now?"
Peter didn't need to be asked twice, and fired the cannon. Someone must have disabled the smoke effects so the smoke detectors didn't cause the sprinklers to go off. The look on Peter's face was so funny. I don't think he was expecting such a realistic sound. His friends, sitting at the back, got a big laugh.
We'd forgotten we were playing in a much smaller room, and therefore we should have reduced the volume. When Peter fired the cannon during the piece, I saw some poor children jump. As we moved into the finale of the 1812, the noise was too much for some at the front, and they covered their ears. In the last few bars I felt the stage vibrating.
Just before we got started with the last piece that we were going to be playing before the break, a man came in. He didn't look too happy. It seems he was the headmaster and he requested we kept the noise down. It had been heard throughout the school. Oops.
We played the theme from The Pirates of the Caribbean without the same volume we used in rehearsal.
"Just before we have a break, Mrs Russell will pull out the names of five lucky people who will play with the orchestra."
A cardboard box appeared and Stacy pulled out five folder pieces of paper, which she past to Lewis to announce.
"Liam Dunston - percussion, Jessica James - flute, Sarah Smith - violin, Luke Poop - French Horn and Sarah French - violin."
Mrs Clarkston then carried on. "If those five can stay behind for a few minutes. After the break, everyone else should go to their classes as per normal, and these talented children will rotate between the classes. You'll have a chance to try the instruments yourselves and get some experience of them close up."
The children scrammed.
Mrs Russell then said to us. "You can leave your instruments here while you too go and get some fresh air. I'd like Andy, Trevor, Stacy, Jayne and Yvonne to meet those you will be helping."
I went forward to hear Luke complaining. "But I didn't put my name down for this."
Internally I cringed. Was this the person who the school had their eye on?
"I didn't either," said one of the girls.
Perhaps mine wasn't the target.
"I wonder if some people put others names in," frowned Mrs Clarkston. "If you two don't want to take part, then I can draw two more."
"I'll take part," said the girl.
Luke looked torn, and sounded reluctant, but decided to go ahead. Mrs Clarkston then introduced each person. The girl who hadn't put in her name was Sarah Smith who was paired with Stacy.
"Now you know who you'll be sitting next to, go and have your break. Meet back here and we will have a mini practice."
I saw Helen hovering by the door and joined her outside. I was surprised she hadn't joined the others from our year, or wasn't chatting with Andy. The pupils from Hayfield were mostly gathered together. We didn't know their school, and to be honest, didn't want to. We were here to give a concert. For some, it was a reminder of a time we wanted to forget.
In some respects the school was just like my old one. There were different categories of children who tended not to mix. Over by the school wall, I spied a few openly smoking. I spotted Luke, talking with some boys that were hanging about near the school entrance, in obvious view of any teacher looking out of the staff room window. I hope that lunch is better than my old school.
I spotted Stacy and Andy on their own and guided Helen towards them. They looked like they were watching Luke.
"Is Luke the target?" I asked when we joined them.
"No. I put his name in, as well as Sarah's, so it wouldn't look suspicious."
I was about to respond, but Mr Hobson came up and said firmly. "Stacy, please come with me, now!"
It wasn't often that I saw Mr Hobson angry, but today he was fuming. I would hate to see how he would have been if we'd been in the privacy of the school.
"What did she do?" I gasped, as Stacy rushed after Mr Hobson.
"You really don't want to know," warned Andy, making no attempt to follow Stacy.
When the break finished, we wandered into the hall. Stacy came in a few minutes later. She wore her normal cheerful smile, but I was unsure how much of that was a mask.
As we practiced Sousa's Liberty Bell March, I got to chat a bit with Luke.
"How long have you been playing the French horn?" I asked, during a few minutes rest.
"A few years. I wanted to play the violin, like my brother used to, but there weren't any spare spaces."
"You're very good," I praised him. "I bet you practice quite often at home."
"Yes, though it's hard. The walls in our house are paper thin. I bet you practice a lot more."
"Probably. Though it helps that we have soundproof bedrooms, quite a few practice rooms, and we have orchestra practice four times a week."
"Four times?" he repeated as big smile appeared on his face.
"Apart from when we have a big concert coming up, then we sometime have daily practice."
"I don't think I could cope with that much. My mouth would drop off."
I laughed. "Yeah, I suppose you get used to it. So is it really bad here? At my old school some kids used to be really badly bullied."
"It was worse the other year before the school got put into special measures*. The CCTV camera's that got put around the school stopped a lot of it. You don't have any bullying at your school?"
"No, not really. Now and again we might get upset with each other, but generally we get on. I think the music brings us together."
"Sounds perfect."
I thought about some of the bad things about the school, such as the no contact rule. I shook my head sadly. "No, it's not perfect." I decided that it would be a better to change the subject. "So, what's lunch like?"
"Awful. Most of us go down the chippy."
"I doubt I'll have that choice," I said sadly, as we both picked up our instruments as our rehearsal continued.
Unfortunately Luke was right. The food was awful. I'd secretly hoped they might have put on a buffet for us, but we'd been told to queue at the refectory. When I got there, the choices weren't brilliant; sausage and chips, pie and chips, pizza and chips. We could have beans with it if we wanted, but when I saw the quality of the beans, it brought back too many memories of the congealed mess my parents attempted to make.
"Didn't you tell Rachel that you sometimes wanted ordinary food?" teased Andy, when he saw my face.
"Yes, but I did mean something edible."
I was surprised when we were joined at by Liam, Luke and Sarah.
"I didn't think you ate at the school," I teased Luke.
"Mrs Clarkston thought it would be nice if we ate with you. She said we might pick up some tips."
"A big tip," Andy started. "Don't explode the cannon near Jayne. She gets a teeny bit upset."
"Too right she did," said Helen. "If she hadn't slapped you, I would have." Luke looked a bit surprised.
"And you're all still talking?"
"Of course," I responded. After all, Luke was playing my instrument, so I thought I should answer. "Andy apologised and we moved on. It's a small school, and the staff tend to encourage us to confront conflicts and sort them out."
"So what music do you play?" enquired Sarah.
"It depends on the concert. We've played modern classical music, and some older ones. We did the 1812 at a concert in Paris, and did Beethoven's ninth as well as The Armed Man by Karl Jenkins in Moscow."
"I've never heard of Karl Jenkins," said Liam.
"He's a living British composer."
"You go abroad?" queried Luke, his eyes opening wide. We nodded. "My parents would never be able to afford that."
"We're playing concerts for the school. The school pays."
"I wish my brother had known about that school," sighed Luke, getting a bit sad. "He was such a great violin player. He would have loved it."
"You make it sound like he's dead," I commented.
"Nah, he was assaulted and a bit later he moved to live with a distant Aunt and Uncle. We all get emails from him now and again, but I've not seen him in five years. I recon he's better off where he is. At least he's living somewhere where gangs don't roam around, stealing cars and burning them just because they've nothing better to do."
"I've got to go," Stacy suddenly said, getting up.
"I'll show you where the girls is," said Sarah.
"I'll come too," I said after seeking Andy's pleading eyes glance in my direction.
Stacy and I followed Sarah. I was glad that when she showed us where the toilets were, she didn't follow us in. Stacy did go into a cubical, and I waited. Nobody came in, and Stacy was ages in the toilet that I started to worry.
"Stacy, you don't have to tell me what's going on. I just want to know you're okay in there."
"I'm fine," she quickly responded.
I pondered on what was going on with Stacy. It wasn't like her to be like this. The jigsaw started to piece together. The disguise, Mr Hobson not being happy after the names were called. What had been said at lunch. It all started to make sense. I'm sure if this had been a cartoon, there would be a light bulb flashing above my head.
"Look, you didn't choose to visit this school, did you?"
"No."
"Then you can't blame yourself. Heck, I don't think anybody has recognised you. Not even Luke."
The toilet flushed and Stacy came out. "You know?"
"A lucky guess. What I want to know though is why did Mr Hobson choose to come here, knowing what happened?"
"He didn't organise this. Mr Hobson wanted me to be ill today. I was the one who insisted on coming."
"Do you regret coming?"
"Perhaps a bit. I thought I'd have coped better than I did. I wanted to kill a few demons I still have about this place. Anyway, we better get back."
I wanted to talk more, but it was obvious that Stacy didn't want to discuss it further.
When we got back to the table, Liam, Luke and Sarah had gone. Stacy seemed to relax a bit more and was able to eat. After we finished consuming all we could of what the kitchen staff referred to as food, Stacy got up. "I'm going for a walk."
"Don't do it," pleaded Andy, standing and trying to stop Stacy by blocking her path. "I know it's tempting, but it might make things worse."
"Well, come with me then."
Helen looked puzzled about what was being said. I might have known that Stacy used to come here, but had no idea about what Stacy and Andy were now talking about.
"Look, you know what Rachel said on the subject. If you really want to, I'll come with you after the concert."
"You aren't going to leave the school grounds, are you?" I asked, not liking the sound of what was being talked about.
"Don't worry, Stacy doesn't have that much of a death wish," reassured Andy.
"Okay, I'll wait, but I'm not leaving the school until we've visited," said Stacy with determination.
We'd all finished so took our trays and placed them on a moving belt which I presumed took the dirty plates to be washed. Helen and I went outside, while Stacy and Andy went into the hall.
"What's going on?" Helen asked.
"Stacy used to come to this school. Luke is her brother."
"Oh. What's Luke like?"
"He seems a nice lad, he-" I stopped. Suddenly something Luke had said earlier made an awful sense.
"What?"
I shook my head. I didn't know for sure, and I didn't want let Helen know my guess, just in case I was wrong.
"Jayne," Helen whined.
"I don't want to say, just in case I'm wrong."
"I won't say anything."
I screwed up my nose and eventually gave a reluctant sigh. "Luke said his brother was assaulted at the school and Stacy said she wanted to kill a few demons. Do you think this is where she was raped?"
"Oh God!"
I nodded. This school was the type of school that finished education at sixteen. If anybody was lucky enough to get good enough grades to continue until they were eighteen then they would study at college, rather than continue at the school. Therefore if it was someone in Stacy's year that raped her, then they would have long been gone.
"I might be wrong, but you did ask."
"I won't say anything," she promised.
When we went into the hall though, neither of us was able to look at Stacy. I thought we got away with it, but Andy squeezed between the percussion and came to see me. "You've worked it out, haven't you?"
"A guess. I might be wrong and we are talking cross purposes."
"Knowing you, I doubt it."
Just behind the percussion I spied a network point. I dug into my handbag and pulled out a small network stick. "Andy, there is a network point just behind you, can you stick this in?"
"What are you doing?" he asked. I just shook my head. He shrugged and did as I asked. The range of the wireless signal it gave off was small, but it was enough for me to get onto the school network on my PDA. It took a bit of finding, but I was soon online with the school CCTV. It looked like all the cameras downloaded the images to a Windows box. I suppose that this was only a school system, but whoever put it in hadn't any idea about basic security.
Mrs Russell appeared and called us all to order, which was just in time because our audience started filtering in. I thought it would have been the same people as earlier, but as the pupils streamed in there seemed to be a lot more. The head teacher appeared and approached Mrs Russell. They didn't chat for long, before our Music teacher turned to us. "It seems our playing has been very popular, so a slight change of plan. We will be playing to the whole school. Since it would be logistically hard, we will do the last piece without the planned break."
We'd played to thousands, so playing to a whole school didn't really intimidate us. We were going to be playing anyway, so it didn't really matter if there were two hundred or a thousand. One thing that was obvious was that the pupils were squashed in. I hope it didn't affect their enjoyment.
The headmaster came to the front and quietened the school down, though there were still mutterings in the background. "As you all heard this morning, we have an orchestra visiting us for the day. They are here to demonstrate to the youngest years, but I thought it was an opportunity for the rest of the years to hear a school orchestra and may be you can all learn something from it. I'll now hand things over to Mrs Russell, who is head of their music department."
Mrs Russell reintroduced the school orchestra, mentioning that we were all pupils at the school, even the conductor.
"I know that the upper years are just here to listen to us play, but please bear with us as we need to cover certain things with the lower two years. First, the next piece of music has two soloists. First we have Susan. Any takers for what instrument she is playing?"
Susan stood up and raised her instrument a bit. Quite a few hands went up and the person selected guessed it right.
"Well done," smiled Mrs Russell. "Next we have Jill on her special instrument. Since some of the upper years might not have seen it, can you go down the side of the room?"
Jill did as asked, but most of the upper years didn't seem to care.
"Does anybody remember what that instrument was called?" Mrs Russell asked, as Jill made her way back to the orchestra.
A few hands shot up. The girl that got picked gave the right answer. I was surprised that any had actually paid attention.
"We are going to play The William Tell Overture. The beginning of this piece is very slow and sedate. Please keep quiet so the people at the back can hear. As it progresses, the tune changes slightly and might be something some may recognise."
Lewis came up to the podium and gently started us off. The sound of Susan's cello filtered through the hall. I sat there with my French horn on Luke's seat next to me. I wasn't needed for quite a while yet, but when I was, I knew it was going to be a lip killer. I was quite surprised that the pupils were quiet, but when the famous bit started there was a slight perk up from some who probably had found it a bit dreary. I'm sure most of them would have preferred to be in a pop concert than classical.
The next two pieces were shorter and more popular. I'm not sure if that's why they seemed to get more applause than the William Tell. I would have thought that the Lone Ranger music would have got them going. There had been a bit of disruption from a group of lads at one stage, but that was quickly dealt with. Even though we'd toned down the type of music we normally played, it was still too alien for some.
At last it was time for the final tune. This was where the five people picked out earlier were going to join us. The original plan was to have a break at this point, but this would have been hard with so many in the hall. The five guest players hadn't had long to practice the piece, but it was hoped that playing with us would encourage them.
"Are you ready?" I murmured to Luke, as I turned my French horn to drain excess fluid.
"No."
I smiled as I recalled my first Hayfield concert. "I remember the first time I played in front of an audience with this orchestra. Just try and enjoy it and go with the flow."
"Yeah, but did you get to see your audience the next day?"
I saw what he meant and gently shook my head. With my instrument ready, I sat up straight and looked at Lewis. Luke cottoned on quickly and followed my example.
Lewis looked around and when he saw that everybody was ready he lifted his baton. The music wasn't difficult for me and knowing the melody helped some of the guest players. It didn't help Luke much as we didn't have the main tune.
As Lewis dropped his baton at the end the applause was deafening. I looked across at Luke and saw the look in his eyes and knew he would strive to play again.
"Wow," escaped his lips. I just smiled.
Lewis turned to the audience and asked, "Please, will you all stand?"
The teachers at the school we were visiting seemed surprised, but gradually everyone complied. Mrs Russell had a knowing smile on her face and seemed to be nodding slightly with approval. Lewis turned back to us and pointed to Andy who started the drum roll.
Luke hissed, "Where's the music?"
"This is one piece we all know off by heart," I quietly explained.
The drum roll faded and Lewis brought the rest of us in for the national anthem. Luke obviously didn't know the music, so just sat there trying his best not to be seen.
We only did the one verse, and there was no singing. When we finished there was a stunned silence.
The headmaster made his way to the front and got everyone to sit down. "I'd like to thank our guests for not only helping us with our educational requirements, but also entertaining us. Can we please again show our appreciation."
There was a healthy applause which brought a smile to my face. For some reason I'd expected a half-hearted applause, but we got more than expected. Perhaps they appreciated that they weren't in normal lessons.
The headmaster said some final words and sent his pupils back to lessons. The orchestra stayed where we were until they had left.
"That was really great," said Luke.
"You played very well. Why didn't you put your name forward?"
"Because I don't want what happened to my brother to happen to me."
There wasn't much I could say about that. What was obvious was that he might pretend not to like playing, but he must practice in order to have played as well as he had.
Mrs Russell turned to the five guests and told them they had played well and Mrs Clarkston nodded and told them to get to their class. I watched as Luke, hunched slightly, walked out of the hall. I glanced at Stacy who also was watching Luke.
Mr Hobson came to the front. "If everyone can put their instruments away and leave them on or by your chair then they will be collected. The coach will be leaving in twenty minutes, so you all have chance to use the toilets before we set off."
Things didn't take long to put away and I noticed that Stacy slipped out of the back door behind the stage, with Andy in tow. I thought about following, but realised that it might not be advisable. Andy was there and in some ways it would be like intruding. I hooked into the CCTV and instigated a reboot with a disk check. It was crude, but it meant there would be no recording while Stacy and Andy would be in an area they shouldn't have been. I sent a message to Andy's PDA telling him that CCTV was down and collected my discreet wireless network point.
The queue for the toilet wasn't too long and we were all soon boarding the coaches which amazingly seemed to be fully intact and hadn't been burnt out or had their tyres stolen. Andy and Stacey were the last to get on the coach and it didn't look like either had been crying, but they were both good at not showing their emotions.
I'd hoped we might get chance to talk to Stacy if needed, but they sat with the rest of their year. Andy must have seen the look of concern on my face because it wasn't long after they had sat down that I got a message. Stacy was going to see Rachel as soon as they got back to school.
---
* Special Measures — If the school inspectors, Ofsted (Office for Standards in Education), find the school is not providing an acceptable level of education and they don't think the current school leadership can turn the school around the school is placed in "Special Measures". The head and the senior leadership team can, and often are, replaced. Instead of the school being inspected every three years, they will be inspected several times a year to make sure they are improving. If the school doesn't improve it can be closed.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 60
An opportunity for David to experiment
Saturday, 18th February 2006
It was a nice lazy Saturday with only a few bits of homework to do before Monday. We'd just finished lunch, and were making our way back towards our year's common room when I heard my name being called.
"You lot go on," I said to the others, and turned toward Andy.
"Are you still up for a bit of experimentation?" he asked, as the others disappeared.
"You're not going to dress me up in a chicken costume, are you?" I said half joking, and half afraid that Andy might get carried away.
"I'd not thought of that one," he chuckled. "However, I thought we would start more sedately. Actually the adventure that has come our way will also enhance your education for future employment."
My heartbeat started to increase when he mentioned future employment. "So what's happening?"
"I'll explain the full details later, rather than when we're in the middle of the entrance hall. However, tomorrow evening you need to be a rather sophisticated young lady of the upper social class."
"Sorry?" Before coming to this school I'd not had much experience in life.
Andy dragged me into the parlour room. "Tomorrow night we are going into London. For this trip, we will be a disguised as a wealthy young couple, in their early twenties. Since you aren't used to going to mixing like this, it would be easier for me to lead you if I go as Andy and you as Jayne."
"What about Helen, shouldn't she be learning things like this too?"
"Stacy will be doing something with Helen another day. Don't forget that a lot of this is about you finding out what type of person you are. We'll do another social event like tomorrows where you'll go as David, and I'll go as Brenda. We'll also experiment with other scenarios, but this opportunity came along, and Mr Hobson thought it would be good for us both."
"With the beta handover, you've been seeing a lot of Stacy, and I've been seeing a lot of Helen. Mr Hobson thinks that events like this give us a chance to get to better know the person our partner's been spending so much time with. Besides, it'll be fun. "
"Does Rachel agree?"
Andy laughed a bit. "Rachel has her concerns, but not enough for her to intervene."
"Well if we're going out tomorrow, then I'll need to get my hair done. I hope I can find a dress that's right for the occasion. What type of outfit do I need?"
"I'll be wearing a tux. You will need a formal dress."
"You mean like I wore in the concert the school gave before going to France?"
"Sort of. Think slightly more upmarket."
He pulled out his PDA and after a few minutes pulled up some examples. I gulped as my mind went into overdrive. "I'll need help with makeup. I'm getting better, but I doubt I can make myself look that much older. I know I can look like that, as Sasha has done me like that when she was showing me what could be done."
"You're doing great with it. If you really think you need some help, Sasha is in today and tomorrow."
"I better change, so I can get back into being Jayne; I'd hate to give myself away. It sounds like Jayne will be back until late Sunday."
"You better make that early Monday. Are you okay being female for a few days?"
"I think so. I'm sure you'll be one of the first to know if I have any issues."
* * *
I sent Helen a message saying I'd be a bit longer, before sending a message to the salon. I wanted being back as Jayne to be a surprise for my darling. It didn't take long to get changed, but doing my hair was a pain to look right. I really needed to see if I could get a cut that was easier to transform.
When I walked into the common room, they all looked round. Helen gave an almighty squeal of delight and pounced.
"So what's happening?" asked Emma, always wanting to know the details.
"As I've told you all before, one of the issues I have is that I don't know who I am. I'm never really happy as Jayne, or David. Andy offered to experiment and have me in different situations where I could experience life differently. It seems tomorrow is my first experiment. I got changed now so I could get used to being Jayne again."
"So what's he doing to you?" asked Helen.
"Are you going to be a tart?" laughed Martha, reminding me of the Christmas trip to Milton Keynes.
"Not this time, and don't you dare mention that to Andy. I'm sure he would think it a worthy experiment and I'd then end up arrested for standing on the street corner. Seems I'm going somewhere tomorrow evening dressed as a wealthy young woman in her early twenties."
"Sounds fun," said Brian, sarcastically.
I pulled out my PDA and after a lot of clicking I managed to pull up an example outfit to show them. It wasn't as good as the one that Andy had shown me, but it was the best I could find.
"I'm slightly jealous," said Paula. "Going out dressed like that."
"I'm sure you will all get to go out for things. You know Mr Hobson mentioned that we will all be going out in a few months to further our personal skills."
"Yeah, but I won't be wearing an exquisite dress."
"Would you like to swap then? Don't forget I'll be having other trips with Andy as I try to find myself, and some will be male."
"I know Mix up Mondays can be fun, but I'd rather avoid going out in male mode," stated Paula.
"You don't know what you're missing," joked Lewis, which resulted in a cushion landing on his head, courtesy of Emma.
"Are you ready for this?" asked Jill.
"Yeah, I think so. I need to find out more about myself. I'm deliberately telling you all what I'm doing, so you can keep an eye on me. I'm sure that the support staff will also be watching me more." I took a breath, glad to get that out. "You know, the worst thing about tomorrow's trip, besides being away from Helen, will be missing orchestra practice."
For most of the afternoon Anna had seemed lost in thought. I noticed Jill trying to talk with her, but Anna didn't seem to respond. When we went for our evening meal I had an opportunity to ask her quietly if she was okay.
"Yeah, just been thinking a lot." She gave me a weak smile as she looked like she'd come to a decision. "When you go up to bed, can I come and see you and Helen?"
"Sure. Will Jill be joining us?" At her quizzical look, I continued, "You seem to have neglected her from your thoughts."
She looked at me blankly, and then her expression changed to one of realisation. "I have, haven't I? I'll try to involve her more."
"Hey, I'm not having a go. Heck, look at me the other month, not talking about my issues with anybody. Just if there is an issue, who's better for you to talk to than Jill?"
"I know, and I'll talk with her after we've eaten, but I'd still like to talk with you tonight."
After the meal, it was time for my advanced makeup lesson. The salon was always busy on the weekend with people having their hair done or other beauty treatments.
By this time in the school year, most people who wanted to learn makeup had learnt what they wanted to know. The only time that anybody needed to be made up was for special occasions and from how Andy had described tomorrow's trip, it sounded special.
"Hi Jayne," greeted Sasha as I walked in. There was only one "customer" who appeared to have just had their hair done and was just leaving. Everything looked a lot calmer than at a weekend. "You mentioned you wanted to learn some special makeup techniques. I also see you want your hair styled tomorrow just after lunch. So what can I do for you?"
"I've been chosen to accompany Andy to somewhere tomorrow evening. He's not told me where, but he mentioned it would be good if I looked in my early twenties. I thought it would be good to learn how to do something like that myself."
She nodded. "Have you decided what you're going to wear?"
"Not yet. I was going to have a look at the expensive section in my wardrobe tonight. He said it was formal, and to wear something like a gown."
"I see. That sounds sophisticated as well as older. I'll give you your lesson, but since some of the techniques take a lot of practice, I'd suggest that I do your makeup after you've had your hair done tomorrow. If your send me a picture of the dress, then I'll make sure everything matches. Other than hair and makeup, there are a few other things that will help you, but they will have more of an impact after. For instance, the fashion for women is to have slightly thinner and arched eyebrows. The downside is they will take a while to grow back to your current state. If you plan on being David again on Monday, then it might look a bit odd."
Odd I wasn't too worried about. I was sure it wouldn't be the first time that it happened at this school, and nobody seemed to mind. "Do you need to do it today?"
"It would mean that any redness from the waxing would be gone by tomorrow."
"Can you thin them out a bit, so they look a bit more feminine, but not that pencil thin style?"
"Of course." Almost as an afterthought she asked, "While we are waxing, do your legs and arms need doing?"
All these things I should have thought off. Heck, I'd had a good waxing before the trip to Moscow, but that was months ago. I tried to think if my legs were hairy, but couldn't remember. "Probably."
"Do you want to show your friends how you look after your lesson, or do you want to wipe it off after?"
I'd not thought of that and paused to think. I smiled a bit remembering Helen's face the last time I got a makeover. "I think Helen might appreciate it."
Sasha laughed at that. "Your curfew is ten, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"I'm here until ten; so come and see me before bed and I'll do your brows then. It isn't good to get makeup on freshly waxed areas. For now, let's go to waxing room two, and get your legs and arms done."
There wasn't much there, but I still heard the horrid ripping sound which made me want to shudder. At least the makeup was less physically painful. I wasn't much of an artist, but I found the idea of disguises intriguing and concentrated hard on Sasha's prompting. When the lesson was finished I looked a lot older than normal.
"You don't have a big stick, do you?" I enquired, giving a slight shudder.
"Why?"
"Because I'll need something to keep Helen off me," I said, trying to keep a straight face.
Sasha just laughed and pushed me out the door. "Don't forget to see me later," she called after me.
When I got to our year room, Helen was astonished to see me and her eyes grew wide in hunger.
"Down girl," laughed Erika as Helen scooped me into her arms.
"Yeah, making out in the common room isn't allowed," added Brian.
"Where's all your fun?" complained Helen to Brian, when she'd stopped kissing me.
They'd been playing some sort of quiz against year two. The questions were shown on the screen, with multiple choice answers, and we all voted on our PDA's. The year with the most correct answers won. With me back, we now had a two person advantage, though they had a knowledge advantage, so it was about even.
At twenty past nine my PDA chimed. "I need to go get my eyebrows slightly waxed," I informed them.
"Are you planning on staying Jayne for longer?" asked Emma.
"Sasha said they aren't going to be waxed that much. The certainly aren't going to be like yours." I turned to Helen, "I'll meet you in our room."
By the time I'd removed my makeup, got my brows done and got to our rooms, Helen was there with Jill and Anna. They were just sitting down and looked like they'd just got there. I placed the box I'd been given by Sasha onto the side. She'd been so mysterious about it and had advised me to wait to open it when I was alone with Helen.
Helen rushed across to see me and gave me a big kiss. It was strange, but it was something we always did when one of us got to our bedrooms before the other. It was like a welcome home. I coughed and indicated Jill and Anna. Helen blushed a bit and we joined them. I was just glad that Helen wasn't upset that my makeup was gone.
"You asked to see us?" Helen started when we were all seated. Helen and I were on my bed, while Anna and Jill sat on the settee.
"Is it safe to talk in here about what happened in Russia?"
I took my PDA, pressed a few buttons and walked slowly through Helen's room and mine.
"Yep, all clear."
Jill looked shocked. "Your PDA has a bug sweeper on it?"
I sat back next to Helen. "Yes. It was updated after the Russia trip. Since there is a leak somewhere at the school, we need to be able to make sure things are clear so we can talk. So, what do you want to discuss?"
"I mentioned it when we came back from Russia, but it got put to one side. How do you join the beta team?"
"I'll let you deal with that one," Helen told to me.
"Thanks," I muttered, and paused while I gathered my thoughts. "As you know, there are six members in the beta team. Two will leave this school year and will be replaced. Who replaces them hasn't been decided."
"Who decides?"
"I really should get Stacy here to discuss this. She is head of the betas."
"Not yet," quickly responded Anna. "I just wanted to know and I'm sure you would tell her afterwards anyway. So, who decides?"
I sighed and decided to continue for now. "The new additions could be from existing years or from those who will be joining the school. They are evaluated and reports are discussed in July. Those who look at it include the existing beta people, including those that are leaving, and ... a few others."
"Nicely put," teased Helen.
"I thought so," I agreed.
"So a seventh couldn't join?"
"You might have noticed that all beta members are teamed up with their study partners. So it would be eight, not seven."
Jill's eyes lit up.
"Anna, you didn't discuss this properly with Jill, did you?"
"I suppose not. Sorry Jill. I take it that you would like it too?"
"Yes, but I worry if we would have anything to contribute."
"Extra skills can be learnt. For example, what skills do you think we all have?"
"I suppose you're a computer expert," thought Jill aloud.
"Duh!" I responded. "What about Helen?"
"No idea," responded Jill and Anna.
Helen looked embarrassed, but at my stare said, "I'm the security systems person. I'm not bad at picking locks and some door entry systems. I'm supposed to be working on alarm systems soon."
Jill and Anna looked a bit surprised.
"So you see; it wasn't something she learnt at school. When you started at Hayfield you were both given tasks of learning research skills. Think how this could be expanded to go from pure research into something more."
"Also think about what happened in Moscow," Helen added. "Could you live with seeing someone you care so much about nearly being killed?"
"Or them being missing, not knowing where they are?" I said, piling on the pressure. "And that isn't the worst. Imagine how one of us would have been if the other had been killed." I paused and looked at Jill. "Remember how worried you were when Julia was missing? How would you have reacted if it had been Anna?"
"I don't know," Jill answered honestly. "How did you cope?"
"We nearly didn't," Helen responded. "I had a little breakdown about it when we got back here. It took a lot of talking about it to get me back on track. You could ask the same about other dangerous jobs. Soldiers risk their lives when they go into battle. Fire-fighters risk their lives when they go into a burning building. What about those nutty people who fly aeroplanes into hurricanes. There are lots of jobs where people risk their lives, but they put their trust into others to help them keep things as safe as possible. In the case of what we want to do when older, there is a good deal of planning that takes place before any mission. You have to put the trust into people that all the details are correct and that cuts down the risk. However, like in Russia, things can go wrong."
"Have a think about it and discuss it between yourselves. Decide what you can live with. The one thing that will help is talking and trust. Helen and I have had to do that a great deal. If you still want your name put forward then say so, and I'll pass your request to the relevant people. However, just because you have requested it, doesn't mean that it will happen."
"Okay, thanks for being open about things."
Once Jill and Anna had gone, Helen pouted, "You've taken off your makeup."
"I thought you'd noticed when I came in. Anyway, I'm not going to sleep with it on."
"I know, it's just I wanted to see you again looking so delicious."
"You'll get the chance before Andy whisks me away. You'll have the full effect of me in a nice dress with my hair done."
Helen gulped and looked excited. I could tell she didn't have sleep on her mind.
"Helen, if we do that we'll be in big trouble. I don't want us to sleep apart like last time."
"Nor do I! So what's in the box you brought up?"
"Sasha said to open it when it was just the two of us. Do you want to open it?"
"Nah, you do it."
I wondered if something would jump out at me, like a jack-in-the-box, so I tentatively opened it. Nothing jumped out, but I gave a small jump when I saw what was inside.
"Why?" I complained, sitting hard onto the bed.
"There's a note," pointed out Helen.
I gently removed the note, trying not to touch what was inside, just in case I'd get poisoned. Helen laughed a bit at my antics.
I read it aloud. "Hi Jayne. Since you are portraying someone in their early twenties, I thought a fuller bust line would help. They should be the right size for you. A selection of bras to match that size should be delivered to your room during breakfast tomorrow. Sasha."
An impish smile spread over Helen's face, and a hand darted down my top.
"No," I shrieked.
Helen didn't listen and tried to remove one of my existing breast forms. "They're attached," I fumed, removing her hand. "And that hurt."
"Sorry," said Helen, looking upset. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
"I know. I know. "
Helen blushed. "I just wanted to see if they fitted correctly."
I wrapped my arms around her. "Helen, it's okay. I think it's nice you have fantasies over me."
"Really?"
"Yes, remember that under all this fakery, I'm still David.
"You are you. To me you are still the same person when dressed as David or Jayne. It took my mini breakdown to realise that. I am expecting you to be back as David on Monday."
* * *
Getting ready to go out took longer than I thought, so it was a good job I'd left plenty of time. After I'd been transformed in the salon, it was my turn to get ready. I kept looking at myself in the mirror as I donned the dress. It wasn't low cut, as the fake breasts might look odd. However, along with the hairstyle, makeup and some jewellery I found hidden in my wardrobe, it made me look very sophisticated. I did look young, rich and in control.
My PDA ringing brought me to my senses. "Are you ready?" asked Andy.
"Nearly. Are you going to wait for me in the entrance hall, or are you going to be a gentleman and fetch me?"
He laughed. "I'm on my way."
It didn't take him long before there was a knock on my door. As I opened the door, he saw me for the first time.
"Wow, you look wonderful. No wonder you told Helen to wait downstairs."
Andy looked very handsome in a formal tux and looked older than he was without looking like he was wearing makeup. We went the long way round, so we went into the main part of the school on the first floor. That way we went into the entrance hall via the main stairs. Stacy and all of year-one were standing in reception. Helen had this big grin on her face and made like she was going to rush towards me, but was held back by Anna and Jill.
I held onto Andy's arm as we slowly made our way down the stairs, trying to mimic what I'd seen on the movies.
Mr Hobson must have heard we were coming down, as he appeared with Rachel.
"That was some entrance," he boomed, as we reached the bottom. He handed us two travel PDA's. "Jayne, I believe you can initiate the transfers?"
With just the two to do, it didn't take long. Helen and Stacy came up. "You both look delicious," said Helen. I blushed, Andy coughed in embarrassment and Stacy just laughed while giving Helen a high-five. I was glad that none of the rest of the year was within earshot. Mr Hobson and Dr Ruiz were, and they gave each other a glance.
I thought she needed a bit of teasing. "Do you want me to change before coming up?"
"Don't you dare," she retorted.
"Hey, you two better behave later," warned Mr Hobson.
"Of course they will," said Stacy sweetly. "You know we all do."
Mr Hobson laughed. "After tonight, I bet Andy and Jayne will be too tired anyway."
I wasn't so sure. Helen had that glint in her eyes that I knew so well.
With the phones swapped, Mr Hobson departed. Rachel stood by the side, watching. I wonder if she was seeing how I looked, or seeing what happened for the chat that was sure to happen. With echoes of "have fun" still ringing in our ears, we ventured out of the main door. There waiting was a limo.
It was too dark for me to see the driver's face, but he opened the car door, and I slid in. I wasn't used to getting in and out of cars like this, but Andy said after that I did pretty well. As the car slowly pulled away, I noticed the driver and smiled; it was Mr Taylor.
"This isn't revenge, is it?"
"Tempting as it is; no. Tonight is just as described. You getting used to different types of occasions, and at the same time, seeing if there is anything that feels more at home for you."
"So where are we going?"
"Out of the front gates," Mr Taylor responded. I thought about blowing a raspberry, but changed my mind as it wouldn't suit the way I was dressed.
"We're going into London to an awards ceremony," Andy responded, ignoring Mr Taylor's teasing. "After the event there is a social gathering of people for a drink."
I looked sharply at Andy. "An after ceremony party? What are the awards?"
"The British Academy Film awards."
"The British Acad —" I trailed of as it sunk in. "The BAFTAs? You're kidding?" I shrieked in horror.
"Andy, that was not a good move," Mr Taylor remonstrated. "She'll be scared all the way now."
"Better than her getting scared when she gets there," Andy retorted. He turned to me, "Are you okay?"
"They'll have television camera's there. What if someone sees me?"
"They wouldn't recognise you. Anyway, the cameras are going to be on the stars. Unfortunately, we won't be going down the red carpet, but through a side entrance."
"You sure they won't?"
"Positive."
I turned to Mr Taylor. "So why are you acting as a chauffeur?"
"It wouldn't be done for you to arrive at an event on foot. To attend an event like this you have to be someone, and people like that are chauffeured in limos. It also gives me a chance to get to know you, since we will be having chats now and again over the next four years."
"Not after?"
"Not as much. If you get accepted, you will be reporting to someone else, and probably not in this country, at least initially."
Films had always been an interest, so going to this event promised to be a real eye opener. I was glad someone was there with a brolly, as it was raining hard. Even though we weren't stars, we were treated as if we were. The way we were dressed, which was a lot smarter than some of the other non-acting guests, certainly opened doors for us. Andy had to put a calming hand on my arm to stop me running after an actor or actress to demand their autographs. This wasn't the time or place.
Mr Taylor was waiting for us after, and took us on to the after party we had somehow been invited to. I've no idea how we had invites, but we were ushered in with only a nod when Andy gave our assumed names.
I felt very out of my depth, and followed Andy's lead by taking a glass of champagne when a waitress passed. "Take it easy," murmured Andy. "If I take you home legless, there will be some very upset people."
I laughed slightly, as I saw in my mind Mr Hobson tearing us both to bits. I wonder if being drunk would stop me being ill when I thought about sex with Helen?
Andy's PDA beeped, signalling a message had arrived. After glancing at the message he said quietly to me. "Come on, we've got to meet someone."
Puzzled, I tagged along. We approached a door, and Andy punched in a code. Along the corridor, he stopped outside the second door on the left and entered without knocking.
The room was mostly dark, with a dim light on one side with a settee. I closed the door, and stood just inside the room, next to Andy. As my eyes adjusted to the lack of light, I thought I would have seen someone on the settee, but it was empty. The whole room didn't appear to have anybody else in it.
"Don't be shy," a woman's voice called across the room. I couldn't see her, and wondered where she was hidden. "Come on in and take the weight of your feet." As we sat, she continued, "I'm sorry if I don't show my face, but it is best you don't see me."
I stole a glance at Andy, who was looking slightly surprised. For Andy, it must have been downright shocking for some surprise to show.
"I wanted to personally apologise to the two of you for what happened at your last concert. When I heard what was happening, I was horrified. It shows the strength of your character that you both still want to be involved and haven't given up on your dreams. If I get the chance to meet with the other four of you, then I will be saying the same to them.
"Thanks." Andy and I said. There was a lot more I wanted to ask, but I knew it wasn't the time to do it. Like who was she? How did she know who I was? How did she know about what happened in Russia? Was she part of the S.P.A.? And if so, would she be so kind as to tell me what it meant?
"I'll leave you to get back to the party. I hope this little meeting doesn't stop you, Jayne, from trying to find out more about yourself."
We returned to the party, and as Andy and I mingled with the stars my mind kept going over the short conversation, and couldn't make much more than what was on the surface. "Did you know this was going to happen?" I asked Andy as we moved towards the magnificent buffet.
"No," he responded simply. "Wow, this food looks great!"
"It sure does," I responded, knowing that we wouldn't really be able to discuss that part of the evening.
It was late when we left the party. Andy made a call on his PDA for our lift home, and by the time we were at the entrance, Mr Taylor was there with our limo. I'd met a lot of famous people, and nobody had twigged that we weren't anything other than we appeared. Staying up this late wasn't something I did often, but tonight I'd been so excited that I was still on a high. Perhaps the nap I'd had that afternoon had helped. Mr Taylor didn't say anything, but drove us home, while Andy and I chatted about what we'd seen. The meeting with the mysterious woman never got mentioned once.
"Please be quiet when you go up," requested Mr Taylor.
"Of course," responded Andy, putting his hand over my mouth to stop me to stop me saying "Duh!" I mean, we knew it was well past curfew. I went to look at my watch, but in the dark couldn't see the dial and it was too fancy to have a backlight.
Andy went all the way with me to my room. I wasn't sure why, as I wasn't suffering from the after effects of Russia any more.
"Sleep well," he said quietly.
"Thanks for tonight," I responded. "I'll do the PDA's when we get up."
Andy leaned across and gave me a small kiss on my cheek. I smiled, slipped off my shoes and snuck quietly into my room. Andy wasn't a bad boy.
I wasn't surprised that Andy kissed me, but what I was surprised about was it didn't seem to matter. It wasn't the first time he'd kissed me, that had been in Paris, but he'd never done it since. Perhaps it wasn't an issue, because it was more the kiss for a friend than anything romantic. Would I have freaked if he'd kissed me on the lips? I didn't know, but when I yawned, I decided I better quickly get to bed.
Thanks to Penny, Annette and Holly for editing
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 61
Monday 20th February 2006
"I see you have a bit more control," opened Rachel. I was in her office for a debriefing on how the previous night had gone.
"Sorry?" I responded, after trying to work out what Rachel meant.
"You didn't have a silly grin at breakfast."
I didn't know if Rachel meant that Helen and I had controlled ourselves after I'd gotten back and restrained ourselves from anything frowned upon by the school, or that we'd managed to stop ourselves from smiling after breaking the school rules.
I decided to go with something neutral. "That's one thing about the school, you get to improve."
Rachel smiled at that. "A nice response. So tell me about yesterday's adventure."
I outlined the trip, leaving out the details of the driver and the mystery woman. I'm sure that Rachel knew who drove us to the BAFTA's, and wouldn't need me to tell her.
"A record," sighed Rachel. "You managed to compress a complete evening into four minutes, twenty seconds."
"Is that good?" I queried, hopefully.
"It's ridiculous. I know at times it is good to the point quickly, but it doesn’t help me understand your feelings. You just summarised the evening in the most unemotional words possible."
"Oh." I didn't know what else to say. I had a fleeting thought about apologising, but I wouldn't know what I was apologising for. Mr Hobson and Stacy both seem happy when I tell them things without the fluff.
It took a few seconds before Rachel gathered her thoughts and posed the next question. "So what stars did you see?"
"I bumped into Rupert Grint," I said, remembering how I almost crashed into him when coming out of the toilets. I still didn't know how I missed him; his ginger hair did make him stand out a bit.
"I hope not literally."
"Well it was close," I admitted.
"Did you get his autograph?"
"No," I sighed, remembering how much I wish I'd had an autograph book with me. "It wouldn't have been right. I mean I was there as a young rich person who probably would have attended lots of events like that. If I was outside the cinema then perhaps I would have been screaming at them for their autograph."
"You would also have been soaked."
"That’s true. I saw Daniel Radcliffe and he looked like somebody had poured a bucket of water over him."
Rachel stopped and put her PDA on the coffee table. I wondered if it was her way of saying that she wouldn't be taking any notes; not that I'd seen her taking any so far.
"So," she started, and I braced myself for the inevitable questions. "How did you find it mixing with film stars?"
This wasn't the question I expected and it through me. "I ... I ..." I paused before trying again. "It was fun. I never thought I would ever do anything like that. And when I was in there they seemed to be human."
Rachel laughed a bit at that.
"What?" I complained.
"Sorry. It was just the way you said they were human. What else would they be?"
"They seem so unreachable. The big stars earn so much money and always seem to be dressed so nicely."
"It's just a job," Rachel pointed out.
"I know, but it never seemed that way before."
"And now?"
"In the after award party they seemed really friendly. I suppose some had drunk a little, but even so they didn't seem as distant as I thought they were."
"So do you have any gossip?"
In spite of being in Rachel's office, I laughed. That was something that didn't happen in here very often.
"I don't think so."
"That’s a shame. I could have made a fortune selling the story to Okay magazine."
"I'm sure they had someone there."
"I'm sure they did," Rachel agreed. "So, you found going to something like this rather fun?"
"I suppose some of it was," I agreed. "At first I was really frightened, which is why I had to go to the toilet; I thought I was going to be sick. After a little bit, though, I found myself relaxing."
When the chat finished, I left I feeling slightly bewildered. Not once had Rachel mentioned gender issues. We just chatted about the evening, who I saw and what I did. She didn't even mention Andy or ask how we'd got on.
When I went into the year room I was surprised to see that Helen wasn't there, so I pulled out my PDA. She was running late with Andy on handover business.
"Are you okay?" asked Jill, who'd come and sat beside me. "You looked confused when you came in."
"I've just spent an nearly an hour with Rachel talking about last night."
"And?"
"Well it didn't make sense. I thought she would have asked how I felt, but we just chatted about what I did and who I saw."
"So, how did you feel about last night?"
I shrugged. "It was okay, I suppose."
Jill burst out laughing which caused the rest of the year to look our way.
"I think that Rachel knows you too well. If she'd just come out and asked you how you felt, then I doubt you would have given her a different answer. She just talked to you about it, and probably got a lot more information about how you felt."
I didn't know what to think of that. I mean it didn't sound so bad, as it seemed more natural. I'm sure there were good reasons why physiatrists don't just chat. Perhaps it is more open to interpretation, but it seemed good to me as I didn't have to think about how I felt.
"That's great," I responded, the confusion dissipating.
"I doubt Rachel feels the same."
"Probably not, but I just hate explaining how I feel about the whole gender thing. I mean why can't I just be me?"
"Nobody's stopping you. However, it gets really confusing not knowing how to treat you."
"Huh? But surely you just treat me the same?"
Jill looked exasperated. "I wouldn't talk about makeup with Lewis or Brian. Just look how upset they got about the sleepover."
"Yes, but-." I wasn't allowed to finish.
"Often I can't tell if you are supposed to be Jayne or David. Clothes often say one thing, but often you behave the opposite."
I looked around the room and saw some discrete nodding. They were carrying on with what they were doing, but you could tell that they were listening.
I sighed. "I know. I hate acting like David, but I don't think I want to live as Jayne."
"Then you're going to have a very interesting life."
That got a few sniggers from the rest of the year. I couldn't help it, but I sniggered too. It was such an outrageous thing to say, but maybe there was some truth in it.
"So how was last night?" asked Anna from the floor, all pretence of not listening gone.
"It was fun. But I've no idea if I'd have had just as much fun if I'd been as David."
"So which stars did you see?" asked Emma, as we went to lunch.
My explanation was interrupted as Helen appeared just as we went into the dining room. I was so glad Helen wasn't late. When she heard what I was talking about she insisted I started from the time we got there. It had been too late to tell Helen about it when I got in early this morning.
It wasn't until we were alone that night that again the previous day’s trip came into the conversation. "Everybody has been asking you how last night went, but how did you get on with Andy?"
"I'm surprised you didn't ask him this morning."
"We were busy with other issues. So?"
"He was a real gentleman. I was very nervous, but he helped me relax."
"That's great."
"I even got a kiss from him as he dropped me off."
Helen's eyes opened wider with that. "On the lips?" she asked, sounding shocked.
"No," I laughed. The laughter was more at her shock than what happened. "He kissed me on the cheek."
"And?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "It wasn't a big deal. It was just a good night kiss on the cheek from a good friend."
"Ah."
I decided she needed a bit of reassurance. "Nothing like kissing you."
She smiled and we started kissing only the way we did.
* * *
Tuesday, 21st February 2006
Another visit to see Rachel filling up my slot just before lunch. This was either self-study time or time gaining more in-depth computer knowledge with Julia. When I queried this at the start of my chat she said that Julia had not got me doing any extra computer studying for a few weeks.
"Are you going to see me every day?" I enquired, starting to worry.
"I hope not, but there are a few things that I want to help with. You made good progress yesterday with our chat."
"But we didn't discuss anything," I protested.
She gave a small smile. "Ah, but we did. However, sometimes I might not be able to be as indirect as yesterday was."
"But-"
"Do you want to have your commitment ceremony before or after the next school trip?"
"Before. I've already mentioned this a hundred times already."
"I know. Let me put it differently. Can you remember when Fran and Ingrid had their ceremony?"
I nodded.
"Can you describe what they were wearing?"
I did so, right down to their blue sashes.
"That's one heck of a memory," commented Rachel. "Would you say they looked pretty?"
"Stunning. Their dresses were just part of that. The hair and makeup helped, but it was the sheer radiance they-" I paused, not wanting to say it. However, I couldn't think of a better word. "It was the radiance they ... radiated."
"Now think back to Sunday night. Were there any women there wearing clothes as nice?"
"More expensive, yes. More exquisite, may be. However, none shone like Fran and Ingrid both did.
Rachel gave a small smile, but made no comment.
"Now think about your upcoming celebration. Imagine what Helen will be wearing. You are at the front of the room and you turn around to see Helen walking through the door."
I smiled at the thought. I'd no idea what Helen was going to wear, but I imagined it to be a cross between what she wore for the revue and what Fran had worn.
"Excellent," carried on Rachel. "Now imagine that the ceremony is over and you have finished all the celebrations. It is just the two of you in your bedroom. You help Helen undo her dress and it slips down."
Rachel didn't need to say any more as the vivid picture set me vomiting. I was just glad that Rachel had stuck a waste bin in front of my face at the last second.
"Was this the same feeling you had when you were nearly ill on Sunday?" Rachel asked as she poured some sawdust over the sick.
"No," I answered straight away.
There was a moment's pause before Rachel realised I wasn't going to continue. "And how were they different?"
"Sunday was mostly fear."
"And now?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "It wasn't fear; that much I know. A bit for excitement, but also something else. I don't understand how to explain."
Rachel paused as she thought about her next attack. "Why don't we have a break for ten minutes? It'll give me chance to clean up."
I used the time to rush back to my room and clean my teeth. There was nothing worse than the foul taste of residual sick. When I got back to Rachel's office there was no reminder of my incident and there was a fresh bin by the desk. It was normally there for tissues if a chat got emotional; however it seemed to be a good sick bucket for me.
"Do you have a magic wand or something?" I enquired as I took my usual seat.
Rachel smiled. "You aren't the first student to be sick. Thought, perhaps you have one of the most unusual reasons. The cupboard down the corridor has a stack of spare bins. The one you used earlier was taken away to be cleaned."
"Sorry if I caused more work."
"All part of the job and it gave me a good chance to think about what you've been telling me. You were sick on Sunday because you were frightened. Yet when you were in Moscow you were in a more dangerous situation, but you weren't sick during or after the event."
I shrugged. "I've no idea. In Moscow I was trying my best not to see anybody or be seen. On Sunday it was the opposite. I was dressed up and was mixing with the elite in the film industry."
"But you were dressed like that to fit in, not to stand out. If you'd worn clothes similar to what you wore in Russia then everybody would have been looking at you."
"It was so different from what I've done before that it didn't occur to me until I realised that nobody was paying me any attention."
"The school is a place of learning. I'm sure you will be getting a lot more experience of different things before you leave."
"I'm sure," I agreed, giving a wry smile.
"Sorry I made you sick earlier, but I'm afraid I've got some questions."
I sighed. "Go ahead. I hate the thought, but I would hate to be sick over Helen ... again."
"Let me recap, to make sure I'm remembering things correctly. You only get sick when you get thoughts of sex?"
"No, when I think that sex is a possibility. Do you have any ginger biscuits?"
"Did they help you last time?"
"Not really, but it is something to munch on if I get hungry."
Rachel laughed a bit. "It's good to see we've got a good honest dialog going here." She wandered across to her cupboard, brought out an old-fashioned biscuit tin and placed it on the table. "Don't have too many, or you'll spoil your lunch."
I took off the lid and peered in. There weren't just ginger biscuits, but a wider selection. I took a Garibaldi biscuit and looked expectantly at Rachel.
"For the rest of today's session I want to talk about sex. Nothing you say will get you into trouble, so feel free to be open. If it gets too difficult for you then please say so. My aim isn't to get you to the point where you get sick, but to try and understand what you know and what you think about things. If you want to add a bit of how you feel, then please surprise me."
I thought about saying something sarcastic, but I could see that Rachel was trying her best to help so I just nodded and braced myself.
"What is sex for?"
"Sorry?" I instantly responded. I just couldn't help myself. I was expecting something a lot weirder than that.
"What is the purpose of sex?"
"To procreate?" I responded tentatively. I tried to be as formal as Rachel often is when discussing things. At this school I didn't have to hide a bit of learning.
There was a pause and I noticed Rachel looking at me like she was expecting me to say more.
"You know, to make babies," I added, wondering if perhaps I should keep things simple.
"I know what procreation is," responded Rachel. "Is that the only reason people have sex?"
I thought for a moment and realised that Rachel meant more than just the biological purpose. "Passion and pleasure. I suppose from some books I've read, also a sense of duty, for money and power."
"Now that's a more complete answer. If you don't mind I'll leave duty, money and power to your Life Skills class. I'm sure you will have interesting discussions on that topic there. For now I want to look a bit at passion and pleasure."
I nodded, glad that Rachel was guiding this conversation because I really had no idea what she was up to.
"The other month you got into trouble for inappropriate behaviour. What did you two plan? To make a baby?"
I shuddered at the thought of being a parent so young. "No. Anyway, Helen has an implant to stop that."
"Yes she does. But remember, no birth control apart from abstinence is totally fool proof. I'm not convinced that at the time you remembered that Helen had birth control implant. So if you weren't trying to make a baby, then why were you having sex?"
I thought about that night and frowned. I knew what had driven us to that situation, but it wasn't something I could share. "We weren't trying to make a baby," I eventually responded in the hope that would be enough for Rachel. It wasn't though.
"So what was the spark then?"
I shook my head. I hated saying no to a member of staff, but there wasn't any way I could answer. "Sorry, but there was many reasons which led to it. This doesn't just involve my feelings, but also Helen's. I don't want to talk about this without Helen being in the discussion."
I expected a backlash, but Rachel actually gave me a smile. "Thank you for your reason, it helps. Remember there are times when you have to break confidences, especially when someone's life depends on it. However, I hope that isn't something you have to worry about yet. I'm going to ask some questions that are a bit personal. I'm sorry if they offend you."
I nodded my consent.
"Have you ever masturbated?"
It's a good job I wasn't chewing on a biscuit or I think I would've choked.
"No," I spat out, embarrassed at her asking me such a question.
"You've never even tried it?" she persisted.
"No," I again responded, this time more quietly. "Do you?"
"Sometimes," she responded, without batting an eyelid. "Especially if I've been left hanging."
I didn't know what Rachel meant by that last statement and I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know. I think there is something worse than hearing your parents have sex and that is your psychiatrist admitting they sometimes masturbate.
"I heard some boys at my old school talking about it, so I tried it once. Nothing really happened. I felt it was a bit sordid and selfish."
"Selfish?" Rachel asked, pouncing on the word like a lion pouncing on its prey.
"Like it was all about me. I was doing it to get pleasure, which isn't what something like that is about."
I expected a request for more information, but I didn't get it. Just another question on a similar topic.
"Have you ever had a wet dream?"
"Yes," I whimpered. "Twice. Once around November time. The other time was last week."
"What was Helen's reaction?"
"She doesn't know. When it happened I slipped out of bed, cleaned them of the sticky stuff, washed the affected area and put on clean underwear like what I'd been wearing."
"Hide the evidence?"
"I suppose. I didn't want her asking me about it. You aren't going to tell her, are you?"
"It isn't my intention," Rachel responded. "However, don't you think that hiding it like that is untruthful?"
"I didn't want her thinking I'd wet the bed."
"Have you not covered things like effects of puberty in life skills yet?"
"Not yet."
"Then a word of warning to you. Things like what I've asked you will be covered in that lesson at some stage."
"Oh joy!"
"Going back a bit. You said you found masturbation a bit selfish, because you were getting pleasure. Don't you think that you deserve pleasure?"
"Yes, and I get pleasure in other things. It's just that seems to be self-serving."
"Helen likes her food, does that make her self-serving?"
"No. It isn't something she hides and does herself. We eat together. Now if she snuck off to eat a bar of chocolate and then hid it, then that would be something I might disagree with."
"I'm beginning to see your logic. Now one that is slightly different. Do you think that Stacy was selfish in her decision for gender surgery?"
I paused at that and while I formulated my answer took a Jammie Dodger. Rachel tutted, and after taking a custard cream, put the lid back on the biscuit tin.
"Yes," I eventually said. "I think it is the type of decision that has to be selfish. The whole reason was for Stacy to finish that part of her journey. The decision had to be based on what she needed and nobody else."
"So some things can be selfish, interesting," muttered Rachel.
I was starting to feel wound up. "Rachel, you just ask me questions which I answer, but you hardly ever tell me if I'm right or wrong."
"Because often there are no right or wrong answers. I'm not here to tell you how to run your life or what to think. I'm here as a guide or to give assistance. I'm asking you these questions to help you think about how you feel on a subject that you have difficulty with. I might point things out which you hadn't thought about, which may or may not help."
"So this chat might not help me stop being sick?"
"If we don't examine the topic then a solution won't be found. If we look at the issue then we might find what is causing you to be sick."
"You think it is a mental issue?"
"Arousal upsets you, but doesn't make you sick. Only the thought of having sex. This doesn't point to a chemical causing it, but something that you feel is so wrong you react badly. Are you okay to continue?"
"Sure," I said, feeling rather hopeless and a bit useless.
"Let's jump forward a year. Andy and Stacy have left school and are making love."
I interrupted. "Isn't that a bit personal?"
"Probably, but I'm just using it as an example to help visualise things. Now Stacy can't have a baby, so that isn't why they are having sex. Who gets pleasure from it?"
"They both do?"
"I hope so. But this is how it is different from masturbation, they both get pleasure from each other. It isn't self-gratification."
"Oh."
"One more thing to think about and it might be a bit difficult." Rachel got up and moved the biscuit tin and put the waste basket in front of me. "If you're going to be sick, I don't want it over the biscuits."
I gave a small nervous laugh at that.
"I don't want you to think about sex at all. This isn't what it this part is about. Remember the outfit Helen wore at the revue?"
"Yes."
"Remember the special lingerie she was wearing underneath. Now who was that designed to give pleasure to?"
"Her," I said instantly. I saw Rachel's eyebrows rise as if she was challenging me.
After a moment's thought it was like a light bulb suddenly illuminated over my head. "Both of us. She got pleasure from wearing it, but it was also designed to be shown to me; to give me pleasure."
"By Jove! I think he's got it!"
I laughed; it was almost a quote from one of my Dad's favourite movies. I then sobered up as I thought more about it. "I spoilt it."
"It backfired a bit," agreed Rachel, "but I wouldn't worry about it. You are both a bit young and certainly too young to have sex. Enjoy your youth while you can."
I walked slowly back to the year room. There were a few minutes before lunch and I wanted to think about what had been said. Were my other issues with gender presentation also caused because I had set ideas about what I am? Did I think that I could never experience pleasure? There was just so much to think about. I wish I was closer to my brother. It would have been the type of question that a younger brother could ask their older brother.
When I opened the door into the year room, nine pairs of eyes looked up and glanced at me. Helen must have seen the look of confusion on my face as I saw her expression turn to concern.
"It was just a difficult session, which I'll tell you about later." I explained as I sat down next to her. "It wasn't bad, just a lot for me to think about."
"I find food is always good for helping think about difficult things," said Lewis. "Shall we go and get lunch?"
"Couldn't you have mentioned that before I'd sat down," I joked, getting back up.
Helen laughed. "I think Lewis is right, food is just the answer you need."
Everyone was good, they saw I needed a bit of space so didn't pry. I knew Helen would ask later. One of the downsides of being introspective was never being left alone, just in case I got suicidal again. I didn't hear anybody plan it, and there was nothing said about it, but for that day there wasn't a time I was alone.
After the evening meal I knew I couldn't leave it any longer. "I've got a practice room booked for tonight. Does anybody else want to take it?"
We all practiced when we could, but there were only a limited amount of practice rooms. Practicing in our bedrooms was possible, but it wasn't something we liked to do. There were just so many distractions there.
"Ooh, please," said Brian quickly and got an elbow in his side by Emma.
"Why, do you want it?" Brian retorted.
Emma just shook her head and then asked me the question that I'm sure they'd all been thinking all day. "You've been thoughtful all day. Do you want to talk about it?"
I snorted, and then quickly realised that I was being rude. Emma, and all the others, probably just wanted to help. "Sorry. It's just something I was discussing with Rachel. It's a bit personal. The only one I'll discuss it with is Helen."
"Do you want a joint practice?" piped up Helen. She'd been by my side all afternoon, radiating comfort, but had never suggested we talk.
I almost smiled. "I think a chat in my bedroom would be better. Why don't we let Brian and Emma fight it out for the practice room?"
I thought Helen would have dragged me out of the room, but she waited until I got off the settee and went at my speed. It was a silent brisk walk to my room and I wondered if Helen was mad at me. However, once we were in the privacy of our room she let out a sigh.
"Was it that bad?" she asked as the door shut. Her voice was full of concern and I wondered if she was about to burst into tears.
"We were discussing why I sometimes get sick."
"Hang on," said Helen. She'd taken out her PDA, after a few seconds typing she put it on my bedside table. "That should stop Rachel rushing in if you get too upset."
I couldn't help but laugh a little. I remembered when I was chatting with Andy and Rachel had burst in. After removing our shoes, we climbed onto the bed and lay down, facing each other.
"I thought you knew why you got sick," mused Helen. "When you think there is a possibility of sex."
"Sort of. Anyway, we were discussing my views on certain things to see if any ideas came to mind."
"And?"
I bit my lip and looked away from Helen's gorgeous face.
"It's okay," said Helen gently. "You know you can say anything and I won't be upset."
I swallowed and looked up at her, my bottom lip still between my teeth. She looked so earnest. I blurted out, "Do you ever masturbate?"
The look of shock flickered across her face, which was too much. I rolled away and off the bed, stumbling onto my feet.
Helen was holding me before I got much further and dragged me firmly to the edge of the bed. "Yes, not often, but yes. Sorry, if I upset you. I don't know what I expected you to ask, but that wasn't it."
I burst into tears. I felt so bad. Was it my fault?
"Hey, it's okay," murmured Helen.
"I'm sorry," I cried, while trying to wipe the tears away.
"Tell me what you and Rachel discussed."
After calming down, I relayed what I could. As I poured out my memories, Helen just sat there and stroked my cheek.
When I finished, Helen said, "That sounded like a pretty intense session."
That made me start crying all over again. However, these weren't tears of anguish, but relief. Helen seemed to understand.
"And don't worry about what happened after the revue. I wasn't upset with you, but was upset that I'd caused you to be ill. At the time we didn't know what made you ill. Now that we know, we can avoid these things."
"I'm not doing it deliberately and I don't want to be ill like that."
"I know. You are discussing it with Rachel and if you need to test how you are doing, I'm sure I can dress appropriately. We are both young and have all the time in the world. Just remember, I love you and if you get worried, just think these four words — 'I love you forever'."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 62
In memory of Annette MacGregor
Friday, 24th February 2006
My PDA pinged, signalling a new message. This wasn't unusual. However, when I looked at my PDA there wasn't a message. At first I thought that I must have misheard, but Helen who was standing next to me said that she had heard it ping. I relooked at the screen and saw a small plus symbol next to the double padlock.
"Have you ever seen this before?" I asked Helen, showing her my PDA.
"No. Since it is up there, perhaps there is something in the secure area."
I thought it was a worthy suggestion so pulled up the menu. After authenticating myself I saw that there was a message from Mr Taylor. The message itself was not what I expected either. It was addressed to me, copying Stacy in, asking if he could have thirty minutes of mine and Stacy's time at my convenience.
"That's different," I said, showing Helen.
"I suppose it's because it's a school day. He might not know you're full availability."
I nodded in response, thinking how nice it was to be asked, rather than have appointments just made. To me it seemed a more grownup thing. Since there was no orchestra practice on a Thursday, there would be a bit of a gap between lessons ending and our evening meal. That, to me, was a logical time. Hopefully it wouldn't be too late for Mr Taylor either, after all he must have a life outside of work. I'd thought about suggesting eleven, but that would have meant rearranging my meeting with Rachel. A few weeks ago I would have done almost anything to miss a shrink meeting. However, I didn't want to potentially destroy a possible chance of stopping being sick.
How on Earth do I book a meeting? I'd never done anything like that before. It wasn't just the PDA that I needed to work out, but the etiquette. When we were fetching the meals we were taught how to do it properly.
"Come on," urged Helen. "If we don't hurry we will be late for breakfast."
I put away my PDA and almost freaked when I saw the time. We only just made it to our year room before it was time for breakfast. Thank goodness there wasn't anything special happening that needed explaining first thing.
As we went in we saw year-five going towards the dining room. I slowed down a bit so I could speak with Stacy.
"Would five o'clock be okay with you?" I quietly enquired.
"Perfect," she replied. "I'll let you respond to the message. Oh, don't forget to put the location; I forgot that the first time I set one up."
When I got to the table, I wasn't the last in; year-two was yet to arrive. I looked across at Helen and gave her a slight nod to let her know that Stacy had agreed. Though it was only between breakfast and our first lesson that I managed to send the secure message suggesting the time and place.
It was in the first lesson that we all got a surprise. Now you wouldn't think Geography could hold any surprises, but today it got us all excited.
"Next week we are going to spend a few days in North Wales," started Mrs Poole, our teacher.
We were normally very well behaved pupils, but that got us all talking excitedly. Mrs Poole let it ride for a few minutes before calling us to order.
"Where are we staying?" asked Helen.
"What do we need to take?" Brian added.
"If you'll all quieten down then I'll explain," Mrs Poole smiled. She actually smiled. Wow. This must have been a first. I quickly glanced at the windows to see if any cracked; they hadn't. Perhaps that just worked on mirrors.
"First off, this is field work, so outdoor wear is essential. I believe you all have hiking boots and wellington boots, so please make sure you pack them as well as some other casual footwear. We won't be eating out or going to any dances, so decent clothes won't be needed. Other items for the field trip I'll take care of and will be taken up by Mr Yates who will be accompanying us. Four people from year five will also be joining us and staying at the same youth hostel. However, they won't be on all the activities as they have some of their own they will be attending to."
I think you could have knocked us all over with a feather. None of this was expected.
"Good, now we've covered the exciting things, let's get on with Geography and recap on areas we've already covered that we will look at the practical side of next week."
And so the lesson turned out to be a recap. It was one of the first recap lessons I'd ever had, and I found it quite a surprise at how much I'd remembered. Martha and Erika must have covered this topic in America as neither of them seemed stressed about it all, though the term cwm got them confused as they called it something else. So much for us speaking the same language.
The buzz about the geography field trip lasted through the day. It was all the talk at lunch time. Anna and Jill had been doing some research into where the youth hostels in North Wales and we all discussed which we might stop in due to the closeness to certain geological structures. I wonder if they would tell us where we were going other than the region. Was it that they didn't trust us, or was it that they just didn't think we'd want to know?
I sent a message to Mrs Poole, asking if she could let us know where we were staying. I got a message back just before the end of the meal.
I announced, "To save us continuing to guess, I asked Mrs Poole where we were going to stay."
The whole table fell quiet. Nine pairs of eyes looked at me, eager for me to tell them. I smiled and took a sip of my drink and sat back with a smile.
"Oh stop it, David," complained Helen.
"Sorry, I couldn't resist. We are going to be staying at Bryn Gwynant."
"Yes!" exclaimed Jill, a big smile light up her face. It had been the one she thought we would stay at.
"Are we going to have mobile coverage out there?" Helen asked me, as left the dining room. "It looks very rural."
"I'll ask Julia for her thoughts," I responded. Our normal travel PDA's had Wi-Fi and mobile coverage. It was only the beta phones that also had satellite service, which I doubt we would be taking.
* * *
At just before five, I slipped out of our year's common room and headed downstairs towards the cinema. As I got towards the bottom of the stairs I placed my hand on the light. Nothing happened. Oh well, something that I'd not been authorised to yet.
I was about to pull out my PDA to call Stacy when she appeared.
"Trouble?" she enquired, as she placed her hand on the light. It changed to green before returning to its normal glow.
"It didn't work for me."
"Oops, we'll have to get that sorted later." We walked through the open door which slid silently closed. "The request and you handprint will be on the logs, so it will be easy to authorise you."
We were there before Mr Taylor, so Stacy logged into a computer in the open area and gave me permission to the door entrance system. "Do you know what this meeting is about?" I asked.
"I have an idea, but nothing more than that," she replied. "It isn't often we have meetings with Mr Taylor."
We didn't have to wait longer, since there was a chiming sound, signalling that the door was opening. We looked up and saw it was Mr Taylor.
"Excellent, you are both in good time. Shall we go into an office?"
It wasn't really a question; we just nodded and followed him through one of the closed doors. I'd expected to see an office like Mr Hobson's or Rachel's, a desk where he worked with a discussion area. This wasn't like that. Inside was an oval table with eight chairs around it. Obviously it was just a meeting room.
"So David, how has the handover going? Do you have enough information about the beta team?"
Just as I liked, straight to the point. "So far it seems to be going well. Stacy has been very meticulous about things. If I've had any queries, she has been able to answer them quickly. So far the only question that she couldn't answer is when the trip will take place. Can you help with that?"
Mr Taylor gave me a look for a moment, before turning his frown into a slight smile. "I'm not sure you are totally impartial over Stacy, but I'll have to leave that to your judgement. As for when we go, that is the other part of the meeting. Mr Hobson will announce the trip on the 5th March and we will be leaving in the late morning on the 27th. I believe you will be back from your field trip by then."
"Yes sir," I responded. "Thank you for the dates, it'll certainly help. As for not being impartial, Stacy has drummed it into me that beta business is separate from everything else. I saw that in action in Russia."
"So you did," he acknowledged. "Now let's go over some items in more detail."
Monday 27th February 2006
I groaned as the alarm went off. Wasn't the school aware that teenagers needed a proper night's sleep? Five in the morning was far too early to get up.
"It isn't as bad as when we went to Disney," Helen reminded me as she pushed me out of bed.
"Oh that really helps," I muttered as I padded into my room to have a shower.
Since we were going away, I dressed as Jayne. I didn't want to sleep in a different room from Helen. When we saw each other we laughed. Helen had dressed as Christopher. So much for communication, we'd both taken it on ourselves to make this easier for our partner.
"So who gets changed?" I asked, trying not to laugh again.
"You. I need more practice at being Christopher than you do at being Jayne."
Christopher was so earnest that I just agreed. Helen had gone to a lot of trouble in appearing right and I would have hated to have taken that away. With only a short time before the announcement of the next trip, it was good to get in practice, since we would both be dressed as female for the trip away. I rushed back to my room to change back to my normal clothes, glad I'd not gone to the trouble of having my hair done.
The kitchen staff weren't on duty at that time of the morning, so it was cereal or toast. Christopher ate quicker than normal and rushed off to get his hair done, courtesy of Brenda. Christopher turning up had caused some raised eyebrows of surprise. It seemed strange just being year-one and four people from year-five. Even Mr Hobson wasn't there. The dining room was never rowdy, but there was always a background noise of on-going conversations. Today, with just so few of us, it was too quiet. Nobody wanted to say anything just in case it was heard.
When breakfast was finished we all rushed back to our rooms to finish getting ready and grab our suitcases. It was also where I was going to meet with Christopher. We made it to reception at the allotted time, to find a welcoming party.
"I'm glad to see you all ready," said Mr Hobson, as we congregate around the teachers. "I expect you all to be on your best behaviour."
I smiled to myself, since Mr Hobson wasn't just looking at year-one when he gave this speech, but he also glanced at the four people from year-five.
"Yes, Sir," all fourteen of us responded.
"Now a potential issue was raised, which when we investigated was valid. Not only does the youth hostel not have any mobile phone signal, nor do some of the places you will be visiting. For this reason each pair will be issued with an emergency satellite phone, along with your usual travel PDA. This should only be used in an emergency and not for any other reason. We discussed putting a Wi-Fi unit in at the youth hostel, since they do have an internet link, but it was decided that it would do you all good to spend some time unconnected from the electronic world."
"No internet?" gasped Erika in horror.
"No internet," confirmed Mr Hobson, a small smile on his normal poker face. "You also won't need the PDA's for much note taking either. A lot of what you will be doing will be practical work or study. For those in year-one interested in why there is four people from year-five going, well they are there covering two lessons, photography and astronomy. The Welsh mountains in the area you are staying suffer from a lot less light pollution, so will be ideal for them. It also means that there can be two minibuses, one for the equipment, and one for year-one. Year-five will be travelling up by car, them all taking it in turns to drive."
At the last statement, Mr Hobson was looking at Brenda, who just smiled back. I'm sure she would want to do the bulk of the driving.
As we got onto the minibus, Mrs Poole handed each of us an envelope with some money in. "There isn't much to spend money on, but it is always good to have some for the journey up and back for when we stop. Also, you should find a large hamper for you to all browse through, courtesy of the kitchen staff."
The journey wasn't too bad, apart from on the M6 in the outskirts of Birmingham. As we crawled through the traffic, I wondered aloud if the traffic was always this bad. Mrs Poole laughed, "Yes, you would have had to get up much earlier to miss the traffic here."
"Thank goodness you didn't do that!" exclaimed Brian. It was so from the heart and reflected how we all felt that we all burst into laughter. Even Mrs Poole joined in.
"Don't forget us teachers have lives too," responded Mrs Poole. "It was hard enough getting up this early. I think my husband would have thrown a fit if I had to get up any earlier."
I knew the teachers weren't monks or nuns, but this was the first time that a relationship had ever been mentioned. Well, apart from Julia but her wife was dead, and from Keith and Becky but that didn't count as they both worked at the school.
A few hours after setting off, we left the motorway system near Shrewsbury, and we gave a big cheer as we entered Wales.
"We'll stop soon for a break," shouted Mrs Poole over our singing of the last track on the CD. "Do you want a different CD yet?"
"No," we shouted back. "Again!"
She gave a manic laugh in reply and when the album finished she started it off again.
We pulled off the main road and into a small car park in the centre of Llangollen. "You have thirty minutes to stretch your legs," Mrs Poole explained, as she drew to a stop.
There was a small shop opposite the car park, and we all quickly rushed to see what they had. In the end we didn't find anything too exciting, apart from Martha who insisted she wanted to try some sweets she'd not had yet. The rest of us were more than satisfied by the goodies the kitchen staff had provided.
As we went back to the minibus Mrs Poole gathered us all around. "As you are aware, we are in a village called Llangollen. Has anybody got any clue of what's near here?"
"Sheep?" answered Lewis, after a moment's silence.
"True, there are lots of sheep, but that wasn't what I was thinking of. A few miles back we crossed over the Offa's Dyke path. This runs from Prestatyn on the north Wales coast to Chepstow in south wales by the Severn estuary. The other thing we are near is something called the Horseshoe Pass. Now this isn't anything geologically special, but the views are. So you get the opportunity to enjoy this, we will make a small diversion. Unfortunately, I'll be concentrating on the road, so will miss out."
That met with a general "aww" from us.
We were now in the middle of nowhere. Our PDA's were too slow to browse anything useful on the internet. A few times they totally dropped out and there wasn't even voice coverage. I'd seen the phone coverage maps when I'd discussed the issue with Julia and knew that the signal would get worse as we went deeper into Wales. I'd expected some in the year to be frustrated, but nobody seemed to be. We replaced browsing the internet by looking at the scenery and singing along to the third play of the CD.
When we eventually arrived at the youth hostel there was no signal on our PDA's; just as expected. The year-five car and the other minibus were already there, not having diverted to see the Horseshoe pass. Mr Yates was waiting for us.
"I have the amended room assignments," he said as we staggered out the minibus.
"Did I cause issues?" Christopher blushed, the full impact of the decision to come as male becoming clear.
"It wasn't anything that couldn't be sorted. It was our fault for not asking beforehand and making some assumptions."
Our sharing arrangements were explained. Christopher and I were sharing a room with Brian and Lewis. This would be a first for us. I don't think Christopher had thought about the room situation and looked a bit worried. Lewis must have noticed and came across.
"Don't worry," he said, quietly. "You don't have anything I don't have."
Christopher looked a bit shocked for a moment before giving a nervous laugh.
We all grabbed our suitcases and wandered off to find our rooms. There were two sets of bunk beds and a single bed.
"Top or bottom bunk?" I ask Christopher, as we took the stack on the left of the door.
"Bottom." Christopher turned to the other two. "Sorry about this."
"It's okay," Brian answered. "Anyway, it'll be good practice for you. We'll both give you space to change."
"Thanks," Christopher responded, slightly red in the face. "I'd certainly not thought how it must have been for you on the last two trips."
"It wasn't so bad since we had an en-suite. If you remember, we all changed in there."
"What'll we do here?" asked Christopher quite concerned.
"Use the en-suite," came the voice of Mr Yates from the door. "I'm surprised none of you noticed the door over there."
I looked over to where Mr Yates had pointed and there was a rather discrete door. Christopher again apologised for any extra work with the room changes.
"It made it better," Mr Yates explained. "The rest of year-one is in a six bed room. Initially you had been put in a room with Stacy and Brenda, which there had been a lot of ... discussion about. You will notice that each bed has its own locker which has space for a padlock. Please make sure you lock your things away."
He handed us each a padlock with a key and then left. I looked at Christopher who had an indescribable look. He sat hard on his bed.
"You okay?" I asked, sitting next to him. Brian and Lewis must have known we needed a bit of space and quietly left us alone.
I got a small nod. "Just a bit surprised, a bit relieved and a bit disappointed all rolled into one."
"I'm more relieved."
"Really?" Christopher sounded like he didn't believe me.
"Really. I know we both have feelings not just for each other, but remember that nothing can happen. We would have just ended up miserable; just like over my birthday."
"Yes, you're right," responded Christopher quickly getting back up. "Let's lock our stuff away and find the others. I'm sure it'll be lunch soon."
We wandered to the main building where we found a games room. Inside were some of our year, including Brian and Lewis. I mouthed a thank you to them and got a wink back.
"Do you two fancy a game of pool?" asked Emma.
"They've got a pool table here?" squeaked Christopher, sounding too much like Helen.
"They sure have," smiled Brian.
"Ooh, how about a competition?" Paula suggested.
"What type?" Anna asked, as she walked in with Jill. Martha and Erika were just behind.
"Pool."
Anna and Jill looked at each other and laughed. "Not if Erika is playing."
"Spoil sport," Erika muttered.
"Haven't you seen play her back at Hayfield?"
"No?" said Brian, starting to sound a bit nervous.
"Rack 'em up," Jill called. "First game, Erika against Brian."
We all gathered close to the table. Lewis had filled the triangle with the red and yellow balls, the single black on in the middle of them. We were far enough from it for Brian and Erika to move round without any issues. For the first few minutes it seemed that they were pretty even, but then Erika got going and hardly left the table. All Brian could do was clap with the rest of the year, as the reds sank repeatedly into pockets.
"Wow," uttered Brian as the black ball sank into the middle left pocket. "Now that was some pool. Where did you learn to play like that?"
"The Manor," laughed Erika. "Though we had proper pool there, rather than blackball pool. "
"She was good before she went back to America," added Anna. "But nothing like she is now."
"I think you can count me out," said Emma.
"Me too," added Paula.
Brenda walked into the room and smiled at the sight.
"Spoil sports," laughed Erika.
That was the beginning and the end of the competition.
"I'll play you later," called out Brenda from the door. Everyone from year one quickly turned to look her way. "I doubt I'll beat you, but I'll give you a good run for your money. Mrs Poole asked me to find you and show you the classroom."
"Classroom?" Helen groaned. "I thought we were here for a field trip."
"You are," laughed Brenda. "However, there is a bit of desk work where she explains what you're going to be doing."
We all traipsed after Brenda.
"I wonder if Mrs Poole plays pool?" thought Emma out loud, which was met with some friendly pushes.
The classroom was a room in a separate wooden building just by the entrance to the car park. Once inside, the first thing I noticed was a large platter of food. At the far end were some boxes, which I presumed contained some items for the afternoon's lesson.
"Tuck into the food," instructed Mrs Poole. "We then can go through what we will be doing over the next few days."
I looked around and saw that the four people from year five were still in the room.
"Perhaps they failed GCSE geography," suggested Helen quietly to me. She'd obviously seen me looking around and had similar thoughts.
I laughed at her idea. Mr Yates must have heard as he came across, took a few sandwiches and explained, "Year-five are going to sit in so they know where you are going. We are going to tag along to some places with you, since there will be good places for taking pictures. It also means I will be around, increasing the teacher/pupil ratio."
Ah, that made some sense. Seeing that we were satisfied, Mr Yates slipped away to speak with Mrs Poole. Stacy and Brenda gradually came across to where we were nibbling on some chicken salad wraps.
"Is this a new standard?" queried Stacy, pointing to us. We'd moved more from the others so we could talk without being overheard.
"You mean dressed as males?" I clarified. Stacy nodded and I gestured to Christopher to respond. It was his idea, after all.
"I thought I needed some more practice," Christopher explained, his voice not wavering.
"So what about our school concert? Don't forget that you, David, are in charge of how we go."
All three of them looked at me expectantly.
"I ... I don't know." I sighed. "Look, let's see how Christopher and I get on the next few days."
"Fair enough," smiled Stacy.
"I didn't realise you two were into Astronomy," mentioned Christopher.
"It's something we looked at as an addition to our additional studies," responded Brenda. "We had to do something since we'd finished our research project early. This school doesn't like you to forget how to learn before you go to university."
"Yes, but why Astronomy?"
"We'd done some ages back, as part of a method of navigation and Mr Hobson thought it might be something that was an extension to our physics A-Level where we'd touched a bit on space physics, but hadn't really done much raw looking at stars. They are such beautiful things to look at."
I shrugged. Where I'd grown up it was hard to see any stars, due to all the street lights and clouds. And when I did see any they were just pricks of light and had no meaning to me. I certainly would call them beautiful.
"You look sceptical," pointed out Stacy.
"I've never thought of the few stars I've seen as beautiful," I responded truthfully.
"I was the same, until the first time I saw them properly."
"But aren't they just like the Sun; big blobs of burning gasses?"
Stacy looked a knowing look at me, but it was Brenda who tried to explain. "You could say Stacy is just millions of individual cells. But isn't she beautiful?"
"Sweet," Helen and I murmured together.
Brenda shook her head slightly. "Too femme."
"Perhaps," I responded. "But it's still true."
"Okay, can you all sit down," called Mrs Poole.
We all found a seat, with the Year-Five pupils sitting at the back. Lewis had a small plate of food that he'd taken with him. I don't know where he put it, because no matter how much he ate, he never seemed to put weight on.
"If the weather is per the forecast, then tomorrow we shall start by taking a walk around Cwm Idwal," started Mrs Poole as Mr Yates handed out maps. "On the walk we'll be looking at physical features we've covered in our lessons. We'll continue this on Wednesday by going in the valley below to look at how this was shaped. Thursday is going to be a bit different; this is where we look at the life of a river which you covered earlier in our lessons. We will look at the flow at various positions measuring width, depth and velocity.
"However, if we get a lot of rain, or bad winds, then we will change the order we do things. Cwm Idwal isn't the place to be in inclement weather."
“Tomorrows walk doesn’t look too long,” Emma murmured as we all poured over the maps, the route highlighted.
"It isn't," agreed Mrs Poole. "However, it will take some time as we will be discussing things you've been studying, as we go. This isn't a hike, but a learning experience. To aid studying later, Mr Yates asked our photographers to take some pictures of the features I point out."
"This afternoon we will split into two areas. I'm going to go over information about the Snowdonia National Park to give some grounding for the next few days. Mr Yates is going to take his four students out to continue their practical lessons. We shall all meet up later."
The lesson moved on to talk about things we might notice as we travelled around the area, land management and conservation. We learnt about the impact increased tourism was having on the land we would be seeing. I smiled to myself. Yes this was geography, but it was more. It was the filling out of the subject from something abstract, to the bigger picture. How something related to real life, and how being too popular could destroy what’s there.
After the simple evening meal, year five started setting up their equipment in the corner of the car park, behind the classroom building. The classroom protected them from the light emanating from the main building.
“Can we watch?” Brian asked Mr Yates. We’d all snuck across about twenty minutes after year five had setup.
Mr Yates briefly shone a dim torch to the back of the area they’d setup. There were ten deckchairs. When we tried to sit on them, we realised that there was a blanket over each one.
A few minutes after sitting down, my eyes began to adjust to the lack of light and I saw for the first time the magnificent view of the welsh night sky. I’d only been able to see a dozen stars before, but now there were hundreds. I just couldn’t take my eyes off them, they were twinkling at me. How had I never seen this before?
* * *
"Wasn't that night sky amazing?" asked Paula.
"Oh yeah," I responded, looking across at her. I caught the sight of Andy making a 'told you so' face.
"Do you think they'll let us watch again tonight?"
I smiled to myself, having had similar thoughts. "As long as we don't get in the way. It wouldn't be right to disturb year five's lesson. After all, it is why they came."
"Of course," Paula quickly responded, as if she hadn't thought of that, but didn't want to say so.
Our chat was brought to a halt as Mrs Poole pointed out the lake carved out of the upper floor by the long departed glacier. The walk turned full tilt back to geography as we began to see the full grandeur that we'd been taught in the classroom. To stand with our back to the amphitheatre and look down the carved out valley made me feel very small.
Friday, 3rd March 2006
The journey back didn't seem as bad as the journey there. We'd enjoyed our few days away from normal lessons and the ten of us had bonded more. We'd only known Erika and Martha for a few months and this was the first time that we'd had a chance to get to know them away from school.
Erika had been a close friend to Anna and Jill, and it was great to see that Martha had fitted in with that grouping. It was through that existing friendship that Erika and Martha got to know us so quickly and us them. This was totally different from when they were exchange students, where they'd been slightly separate. They were friends, they were part of our Year One family.
As we got off the minibus, Stacy was waiting. Brenda's driving had got them back quicker than the minibus.
"So, for Sunday's announcement?" she asked, as soon as the others were out of earshot.
"We keep with your tradition," I responded. "I'll be Jayne." For once this hadn't been a hard decision. I'd been expecting the question, so it wasn't like France where I'd had no choice, or Russia where it was a surprise.
After checking in the travel PDA's, Christopher rushed to our bedrooms to change, I followed but decided to stay a David until Sunday morning. The minute I was in my room, I fell onto the bed in happiness. Bunking with Lewis and Brian had been a strange experience. It had helped reinforce our behaviour as we spent the week in male mode, but the lack of privacy had been hard.
"You okay?" Helen's asked, peaking through the open interconnecting door at me on lying on the bed.
"Yes," I confirmed, flapping my arms and legs like I was making a snow angel. "It's so good to be back to our own beds."
She came and laid next to me, and I was able to breath in her wonderful scent.
* * *
"Helen, follow me," ordered Becky Thompson.
Helen just stood there, rather shocked. We'd just left the dining room after having our evening meal. It wasn't like any of the support staff to order us around, let alone so abruptly.
"David, you're with me," stated Keith in the same tone as his wife.
I gave a small shrug of confusion to the people in year one. I didn't have any clue what this was about. However, I felt that if I was in trouble, delaying wasn't going to make the situation any better. I gave a slight nudge to Helen to follow Becky, and I tottered off after Keith.
I was surprised to find I was going to the room where we had life skills. I'd no idea where Helen had been going, but it certainly wasn't the same direction as me. Waiting inside was Tracy Dine, another of the support staff.
"Take a seat," Keith instructed, indicating the settee that Helen and I usually sat in. Keith took a seat on the settee to my left, and Tracey was sat in the one to my right. I couldn't watch them both at the same time.
I was dying to ask them what this was about, but I remembered Stacy's technique – wait them out. They'd asked for me to be there, so let them make the first move. So I smiled politely as I took my seat and waited.
I didn't have to wait long, before Tracey asked, "Tell us about your first night at Hayfield?"
This wasn't a question I expected. I thought I must have done something wrong at the field trip, but why ask about the first night?
I turned towards Tracy, "We went to our separate beds before curfew. I heard Helen upset, being away from her family. I went into her room to comfort her and woke up next to her the next morning."
"Is that it?" Tracy enquired.
I sighed. I presume they wanted me to talk about my feelings, but that was something I talked with Rachel about; when required. "I suppose. I got up and went to have a shower. Is that what you meant?"
"No-" said Tracy slowly, extending the last letter.
"Then can you explain what's going on and what you want? You've dragged me here without any explanation, which isn't like you or the school."
For this first time, Keith spoke up. "This is about your affirmation. This is where we help you explore your past, and it will be mostly your past with Helen. This is for you to confirm to yourself that this is right for you. Rachel has said sometimes you have trouble explaining your feelings, but that is mostly about how you feel with your identity. This isn't about that. This is about you and Helen."
"Why didn't you say so?"
"Because we didn't want you getting worried. You don't have to do this if you don't want to. We aren't here to say you can or can't have the affirmation ceremony. Some have last minute doubts or worries. All this chat is to help you make sure in your mind that this is right for you."
I was so tempted to get up and walk out of the room, but I didn't. I'd learnt, during Life Skills that I could take part in discussions and give my thoughts. Perhaps this would be a bit in between the Life Skills and my chats with Rachel and it might help me make the harder conversations easier.
"So why did you sit in two totally different seats? It felt like you were going to be ganging up on me."
Keith got up and moved to join Tracy. "Is this a little better? I'm not here to ask you questions, but to observe and make sure you are happy. Do you want to do this, or not?"
I paused, trying to think of any reason for not doing it. I couldn't think of anything. "I'll give it a try."
Tracey gave me a small smile. I think it was to try and put me at ease. "So, let's start again, but a bit further back. Tell me about Helen before you joined Hayfield."
After two hours, the questions stopped. I felt exhausted.
"And?" I enquired, after they'd said they were finished.
Tracey smiled. "Now Keith and I will have a chat with the other three. I know this wasn't easy for you. Andy should be waiting outside the door."
"Have I passed?" I asked anxiously.
"There is no pass or fail. This is an opportunity for you to look at your past and how Helen fits in."
I had never been so glad to leave that room. Waiting outside was Andy. He didn't say anything, but gave me a big smile, and we walked through the main school, and into the sleeping wing. My mind was in overdrive, and I don't think I could have said anything to Andy, it was like he knew exactly what I'd just been through. Once or twice I wasn’t thinking where I was going, and Andy gently steered me the right way.
Andy opened my bedroom door, and waiting inside was Helen and Stacy. Helen looked exhausted.
"Both of you, try to get some sleep," said Stacy. "I know that was a long session for you both."
It didn't take us long to get ready, and we both collapsed into my bed. We laid facing each other, our hands touching.
"I love you so much," I uttered, with total conviction in my heart.
"I love you too," Helen replied, her voice breaking slightly, but it had the same confidence mine had.
I don't know if it was just being close to Helen, or if it was her scent or what, but the torment in my mind eased and I slipped off to sleep.
Saturday, 4th March 2006
Normally, we would wake up before the alarm, but today we didn't. We rolled over, switched off our individual alarms, then rolled back and give each other a kiss. Even synchronised swimmers weren't that in time.
"Even though we've done our Search of Finding, we're not going to be able to have our ceremony before our trip, are we?" sighed Helen.
"With the announcement tomorrow, it wouldn't be as we want it," I responded. "Anyway, they would have to arrange for Sam and Jessica to visit. That's not going to happen overnight."
Just as I finished getting dressed, there was a knock on my door. I opened it to find Andy and Stacy.
"Hi!" I opened the door further to let them in.
"We just wanted to make sure you were both okay," said Stacy.
Helen walked through the interconnecting door, tucking in her blouse as she walked. "It seems ages since we've been woken by the alarm."
"Yes, that is a common result of what you went through," agreed Andy. "I could have slept a week after ours."
"So what happens now?" I enquired.
"You go and have breakfast," responded Andy. My stomach rumbled in response to that. "That wasn't what I meant, and you know it."
I turned to Stacy, who I hoped would actually answer a question. She didn't disappoint. "You need to talk with Rachel to arrange the ceremony. You've chosen who you want to stand up with you, so it's really just arranging the date."
We weren't able to get to see Rachel until just after lunch. All morning Helen and I had been on tender hooks, wanting things to become clearer. To try to take our minds off it, we both decided to practice for the upcoming concert, but we couldn't even concentrate on that.
* * *
"So, how did it go last night?" Rachel asked, as we settled down on her comfy settee.
"Exhausting," I responded without hesitation.
Helen nodded in agreement. "Not a bad exhaustion though. It's amazing how much we have done in life together and how we feel about it."
"Did you manage to cover enough?" Rachel enquired, looking earnestly at us.
"I think so," Helen responded after some careful thought. I smiled internally, she was learning not to rush her answers. "It was very revealing that it also covered how I felt about all aspects of David and I couldn't be more certain that I want to go through affirmation."
"I'm certain too," I responded simply. "So how do we move this forward?"
"You have to decide on the date and we will arrange for Jessica and Sam to fly across. Details like flowers, outfits, decoration etc can either be organised via me or indirectly via Stacy."
"The timing is the issue," I thought aloud. "We wanted this to occur before the next school concert abroad, and we wanted it to be between David and Helen."
I didn't mention tomorrows announcement, which caused Rachel to look very confused. "But nothing-"
I interrupted. "Say a concert abroad was announced after we'd set the date, and we happened to be Jayne and Helen for that announcement, that would cause issues for our ceremony."
"I take it you are talking theoretically?" enquired Rachel. She'd realised that we knew something she didn't and was covering our backs.
"Of course."
"Then as long as their date had been announced before the concert, then I would fight to make sure their day was as planned. One day different at this stage shouldn't make any difference to their preparedness."
Helen and I looked at each other and smiled. "Would next Saturday be acceptable?"
"Let me check," said Rachel getting up and going to her desk computer. She tapped away and a few minutes later she looked up with a smile on her face. "There are a few different flights with seats available. How about Jessica and Sam departing Wednesday afternoon and arrive early Thursday morning. They then can depart Monday morning, and arrive back at school late Monday their time?"
"And that would be okay with the school?" I asked, nervous at how much time Jessica and Sam would miss.
"We knew it would happen at some stage, and the basic schedule had already been planned by the S.P.A. administrators. Both headmasters agreed to it."
I thought about asking who or what the S.P.A. was, but every time I'd asked my question had been rebuffed, so I decided now wasn't the time.
"That sounds wonderful," Helen agreed. "Would this be okay to be announced this evening?"
"Let me discuss it with Mr Hobson. Any issues and I'll get back to you."
Helen and I left, big smiles on our faces. We had so much to finalise, but we had our date.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 63
In memory of Annette MacGregor
Saturday, 11th March 2006
"Are you ready?" asked Marcus, entering my room. The interconnecting door to Helen's room was firmly shut. It had seemed very strange sleeping alone last night, but Helen had insisted that she wanted my first sight of her on our Commitment Day to be when she appeared in the Parlour room.
I'd not even seen her at breakfast or lunch. Jessica had made some arrangement with the kitchen staff and brought them up to her bedroom. I wasn't sure how she could have eaten. I'd managed a bit of breakfast, but by lunchtime, I was just too nervous.
"Yeah," I said, looking over myself one last time in the mirror. "I do look okay, don't I?"
"You look perfect."
"Isn't looking perfect Helen's job?"
"I'm sure she'll look perfect too. Come on, let's go down now. We don't want Helen there before you."
"That would be an unusual twist," I laughed.
"It was done a few years ago, so wouldn't be new for this school."
In some respects, the format was so much like a wedding. There was a gathering of people to watch, bridesmaids, a best man and a service. Yet it wasn't a wedding and our words weren't anything like anything normally uttered at one.
Like some at this school, we couldn't be legally married. In our case it was because we were only fourteen. Some had said we were too young to make such a commitment; that fourteen was far too young to know one's mind. I know I wasn't ready for a legal marriage and the commitments that gave. However, I knew that I was ready for this commitment ceremony and what we were going to commit to. Our feelings would be uttered during the ceremony, and some of the basic commitment spoken out loud, but other commitments we would keep private.
In some ways it was like the government saying that children shouldn't get medical treatment for gender dysphoria until they were eighteen. Sometimes, children knew before that date how they felt. This school took the view that some children knew their minds and did perform medical intervention for some students. This stopped them going through the trauma of a puberty that didn't match their mind. The school also let its pupils that desired to make a public commitment. This type of service wasn't for everyone and there was no pressure to undertake it. There were couples in all years, including year-five, that didn't feel a need for such a service; just like some people lived together for fifty years, but never felt the need to be married.
Was there any detriment in allowing us to proclaim how we felt? If we went too far with what we committed to, perhaps. Helen and I had seen what some people had said and we thought we weren't ready for that level of commitment. In some ways our relationship was still growing, and we didn't want to stifle it, and we hoped that would be demonstrated today.
Marcus and I arrived to find the honour guard waiting. As we approached, they stood to attention, unsheathed their swords and created a bridge for us to go under. As we went into the room, the students all stood up and clapped as we walked in.
"Smile and keep your head up," murmured Marcus.
He knew me too well. I felt so embarrassed, but took a deep breath and slowly walked to the front of the room, where there were seats waiting. As we sat, the applause died down and they retook their seats.
"I'm so nervous," I uttered, taking a few deep breaths.
"You're doing great," encouraged Marcus.
"I hope Helen doesn't keep me waiting too long."
"She doesn't appear like the person to do that."
She wasn't. I heard the unsheathing of the swords, and turned to see Sam, our Page Boy. Sam walked down the aisle carrying a pillow with the two broaches we would wear. The basic design of all commitment broaches were the same, but each final product was unique, symbolising the common thread of the ceremony, but the uniqueness of each couple that took part.
As Sam neared the front, Helen entered under the swords, with the bridesmaids following. Through my tears, I saw the glimmer of her silver gown. I blinked and as I saw things slightly clearer, I noticed that this dress fitted her perfectly, just like that dress had when we'd danced the tango. She held on to Andy, who was looking very confident as he accompanied her. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect person to do such a duty, and had been delighted to agree when Helen had asked. With all that had happened, it seemed so right for him to be so involved.
The bridesmaids followed behind, looking nearly as lovely as Helen.
I stood up, with Marcus by my side, and moved to the centre, waiting for my darling to join me. Her radiant smile set my heart beating quicker. As Helen reached the front, the door we'd walked through shut. One of the guards, Dr Sue, took position at that door, and one, Rachel, made their way very ceremoniously to the door at the side of the room. The other guards would stand outside the room. No matter how much digging I'd done, I'd still not found the original of the honour guard. It was obvious that Mr Hobson knew, but when I'd asked he just smiled.
"Enjoy!" uttered Andy as Helen let go of his arm. Such a simple statement, but it meant so much in so many ways. Especially coming from Andy. He gave me a wink and went to take his seat.
Jessica fussed at the back of Helen's small train, making sure her dress was perfect before taking her position next to Helen.
I'd only ever been to one wedding, but I plainly remembering that the service was run by the vicar and the people getting married only had to say a few words. This ceremony, however, was not a wedding, and this is where things differed so much. The head of year four took charge of the service. Susan came up to the front and stood between me and Helen. Her official outfit looked rather regal, and co-ordinated nicely with what the honour guard wore.
"Thank you for coming," Susan started. That got a gentle laugh. It wasn't as if anyone wouldn’t have been there. "Today we are here to witness an open commitment between David and Helen. There have been no objections to this ceremony taking place and now is your last chance."
The room was silent. I glanced nervously around. Under the rules, it would have been quite unusual for there to be an objection, and in the history of the commitment ceremony there hadn't been one. I didn't want ours to be the first.
A gentle beat of a gong at the back of the room signified the time had passed. I hadn't realised that I'd been holding my breath and eagerly took a gulp of air. My earlier fears had been replaced with excitement and longing. As much as I wanted the service to hurry, I also wanted to savour the special occasion. Jill told me later that as the gong sounded a look of shear happiness spread across my face.
Susan reached out and took my right hand and Helen's left and gave them a gentle squeeze. Such a simple act, but it calmed me down a little.
It was now Susan's turn to introduce the service. "Hayfield Hall is an unusual place. It isn't every school which takes students, some which have issues with their education or other problems, and brings out the best in them. That isn't just because of the teachers or other staff, but because of the love of the students to each other. If there wasn't an environment where the pupils cared, nothing the staff could do would help as much. In a world of war, strife, poverty, hunger and apathy such a place should be treasured and we should be grateful we can stand as a beacon of light.
"A few months ago, we were very lucky to meet another beacon of light and the ties between those two places have grown stronger. It is an honour that Sam and Jessica have come back to take part and today's ceremony is being watched live at Immigration Manor.
"Love isn't something to be taken at face value. Too often love is thought of as just a romance between two individuals. Love is that, but it is also something more and a lot deeper. I could simply say that I love Kevin and everyone would be happy with that. If I then said that I also love everyone else at this school, some might raise eyebrows, but isn't that what we do and not realise it? As a school we care for each other to such a degree that if you step back, at the end of the day that can only be described as love.
"Today's ceremony is a commitment service. Commitment is in some ways a harder word than love. Love describes a feeling; it is a state of being. Commitment is something that requires attention and work. True commitment to something doesn't just occur on good days, and often will be tried on the bad. A commitment is not marked today with what they say, but is how such commitments are put into action. Let the deeds speak more than the words. This school doesn't just stand by those that have made public their commitments to each other, but also to help those who keep their commitments private.
"Commitments might not be about relationships, but cover a wide variety of topics. Today's ceremony is unusual as the people taking part are the youngest that this school has ever witnessed. Commitments should be something you believe in, or they are likely to fail. Therefore, what is being committed reflects their choice in that light and not always what has been said in the past by others. They have already been through much and by working together come through a lot. I now call on them to face each other, and speak their commitments with honest hearts."
We turned to face each other. Susan stood back and Sam came forward with the broaches balanced carefully on top of the black pillow. Together we formed a loose square.
"David and Helen. The commitment ceremony is not something to be taken lightly. In this ceremony, you will make certain commitments to each other in front of your fellow students who will act as witnesses to those commitments. Do you both want to make such commitments?"
"I wish to," Helen and I responded in unison.
"Do you both go into this service of your own free will?"
"It is my decision."
"The order that these commitments were to be given was decided earlier. Helen, your name was the first to be pulled out of the bag, so you will make your commitments first. Please repeat them after me. I, Helen Mary Jackson, do wish to make this commitment of my own free will."
"I, Helen Mary Jackson, do wish to make this commitment of my own free will."
Susan paused briefly before continuing in the same unhurried speed, "I promise to take these commitments seriously, and do my best to up hold them."
Helen's response was equally measured, but with obvious excitement. "I promise to take these commitments seriously, and do my best to up hold them."
That was the end of the standard part. Next was what we'd agreed.
"I make this commitment to David Oscar Grant, also sometimes known as Jayne Laura Grant. Twice I've nearly lost you out of my life, the first time when school bullies drove us apart, and the second in Moscow, when you so easily could have been killed. I love you with all my heart and want the world to know it."
Tears filled my eyes as I listened to her earnest and honest tone. I knew what she planned to say, but I wasn't prepared for the bare honesty in how she said it. Being apart for even one night was something neither of us wanted, but we knew would happen. It would be rare at school, but we knew that if we took the employment opportunity we were offered, we knew there could be months where we wouldn't be together.
"We are still young and inexperienced. However, one thing I've found is we have the desire to be together and I commit to being there now and in the future. However, I am aware that relationships formed this young, might not survive, but even if we don't stay together, I commit to being there for you in friendship.
"We are both still finding our feet in the challenges that life has given us. We both have baggage from before we joined the school and also baggage from our time at the school. Your final chosen gender means nothing to me. It is your heart and soul that I love. It doesn't matter to me if you look like David or Jayne; you are the same person who I love with all my heart."
Susan let the silence ride for a few moments. "David, are you ready?"
"Yes."
"Okay, then please repeat after me. I, David Oscar Grant, do wish to make this commitment of my own free will."
I repeated.
"I promise to take these commitments seriously, and do my best to up hold them."
I repeated what Susan said, and took a deep breath to prepare myself for the words I would say to Helen.
"I make this commitment to Helen Mary Jackson also sometime know as Christopher James Jackson. You have been there for me as we grew up and helped me so often. We have been through things that nobody should, let alone at our age. Life has brought us together in a way neither of us expected. I never thought I would find love, but in you I have found a friend, a confidant, and someone not only that I love, but someone who loves me back in return.
"Since we found love there has been two occasions when we haven't been together at night. The first time I was alone, even when you were only next door. The second time was a frightening time, but we were lucky to have people to help us through that night. I'm aware that there will be other times we'll not be together, and want you to know that I will always miss you as much as I missed you the first night we were apart.
"A singer once wrote: 'I wanna hold you till I die; till we both break down and cry. I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides.' There is nothing more special than the simple hug or cuddle that we often share. It seems to work for all occasions. For the expected romance, love, lust; but also for things like fear. Without you my life wouldn't be whole and I certainly wouldn't be half the person I am today. Helen, I love you with all my heart, and commit to being with you."
Sam, who had waited patiently, raised the pillow, "I present these broaches to be a reminder of your commitments to each other. Wear them with honesty. Wear them with pride. Wear them with commitment."
Since Helen was the first to make her spoken commitments, I was to pin the broach onto her first.
"Helen, I offer you this broach with my heart yearning. Will you accept it?"
"I accept, my heart filled with hope."
I took the broach, moved forward and pinned it just above Helen's left breast. I then moved back and waited to see which words Helen would use.
"David, I offer you this broach with my mind filled with excitement for our future. Will you accept it?"
"I accept, my mind planning how to fill your future with excitement."
Helen took the second broach and pinned it in the same position I had.
Once we were back in our square, Susan spoke her final words of the ceremony. "By giving and accepting broaches and with your spoken words, I now turn to the students."
Everyone stood.
"Do you commit to supporting David and Helen in their commitments to each other?"
"We commit," came the response.
Susan smiled and asked us, "Do you plan to do the traditional finale?"
"Of course," Helen said with a big smile. I just blushed.
We walked slowly down the aisle, just the two of us, arm-in-arm. We reached the door, which was opened for us. We separated and I walked through, with Helen staying just inside the room. I turned to face her, and we kissed over the door threshold. And what a kiss it was. We'd been practicing our after service kiss for weeks, we didn't really need the excuse, but it made us feel good. When our lips parted, it was like the world had ceased to exist.
When I regained my senses we made our way to the hall. The chairs had been moved, with some tables, presumably from the dining room, dotted around. On the left side was this enormous buffet.
"How much food," I gasped, as I took it all in.
"Just the right amount," said Andy, as he walked in with Marcus, their arms linked.
"This is a sight I've never seen before. You two have shown boy-girl affection and girl-girl affection, but I've never seen a romantic Andy and Marcus."
Andy stuck out his tongue at me, but Marcus just took Andy and gave him such a rough, masculine kiss. This wasn't unnoticed by the people coming into the room, and got a huge cheer of encouragement. Poor Andy looked very embarrassed, but Marcus just turned to me and asked, "Will that do?"
I had to laugh, as did Andy when he'd recovered. I'm not quite sure why he was embarrassed, but he seemed to recover quickly enough.
A school dance wasn't something that happened at the school very often, so when it did we all let down our hair and had a great time. The American school were going to hold a party in our honour. The curfew was waved, as it wouldn't be right for the guests of honour to be in bed before it finished. So it was in the early hours that we eventually made our way to our rooms.
All night, I'd found it hard to keep my hands off Helen. That dress just fit her like a glove. Over the months since the revue, she had developed and seeing her in such a dress had been causing me so many issues, especially in the smoochie dances.
"My turn," said Helen as we got to my door.
"Sorry?"
She opened the door and backed in, blocking the door. I smiled as I realised what she meant. We stood with Helen in the room and I was in the corridor. She took me into her arms, and we kissed. Jill and Anna must have passed, as the next day there was a picture of it in my email.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 64
Monday, 27th March 2006
This trip was like the trip to Moscow, fly in, do the concert and leave. Unlike the trip to Moscow, our clothing was more unusual. All the females had scarfs in our hand luggage and more formal Hijabs in case we needed them.
"I feel strange wearing this long jacket," mentioned Emma, as we got off the coach at Luton airport.
"It's called a manteau" reminded Jill, showing off her research. "It's what we should wear in Iran to fit in."
"But aren't they supposed to be black?"
"Only if you want to stand out, or go into the villages. Yes, their government make women wear certain clothes, but they make the most of them and try to look as fashionable as possible."
There wasn't a direct flight to Tehran, so we were going to have to change plane in Turkey. I'd only flown on two trips before, once to Scotland and the other time to Russia. Both times they were direct flights, so having to change planes was a completely new experience. Having the school only thirty minutes from the local airport made trips away simple. Sure, we wouldn't be able to fly to somewhere like Australia from there, but for trips around Europe it was very handy.
We had to worry about our luggage at the airport, but all our instruments were being handled by the school, which I was grateful for. The French Horn wasn't the heaviest instrument, but after carting it around for a bit, does get weary on the arms. We also didn't have to worry about them at the transfer in Turkey, but we did have to claim back our luggage and recheck in for our onward trip to Tehran.
This was the first time the school had been into Iran, so it was something new for all years. As we eventually departed Mehrabad airport, we all tried to grab a window seat in the coach. Obviously, there were a lot of disappointment, but I wasn't one of them. I'd flipped a coin with Helen earlier on the trip. She got the window seat on the plane, and I got the window seat in the coach which was the short straw. By the time we'd got onto the coach, it was dark.
When we drew outside the hotel, we all stopped chatting. We'd been told we were stopping in a nice hotel, but no matter how much digging I'd done, I'd not been able to find out which one we were stopping at. The hotel we'd stopped at in France had been more of a family hotel, as had the one in Moscow. This one was like a five-star hotel. There was even a red carpet waiting for us to step off the coach.
"Okay, listen up," said Mr Hobson from the front of the coach. The driver had hopped out and was getting out the luggage. "This is a bit different from what we normally stop in, so please be on your best behaviour. They don't do student accommodation, so we will be taking up most of their twin rooms. Since all study partners are amazingly same-sex, there shouldn't be any issues with room sharing. Please remember what I said about last night about respect the local law – homosexuality is illegal and the punishment can be the death penalty. The chances are that they wouldn't do that to you, but we don't want to take that chance. Also, sex outside marriage is illegal, but since we have a school rule of no sex, that shouldn't be an issue, should it?"
Mr Hobson gave a firm stare at several people, including myself and Helen. Eventually he continued, "When you get off the coach, collect your luggage from the driver and make your way in pairs to the front desk where Mr Yates should be waiting. You will be given a room key each. Now nobody has ever lost a key, so please don't do so now. It's late, so try to get a good night sleep and we'll all meet up for our breakfast. Tomorrow will be a day to get acclimatised, and Wednesday the concert is in the evening. Any questions?"
There wasn't any, and we all filed out of the coach in an orderly style, being handed an envelope with local money in it. We were just walking towards the entrance when it started to gently rain.
"I thought we'd escaped the rain by coming to the middle east," sighed Helen, a tad theatrically.
"I went to Luxor a few years ago," said Anna. "Now that was a dry area. They are lucky to have a single hour's rain a year."
"Now that is the type of place we need to do a concert, "Emma agreed behind us in the queue. "Heat, no rain, and lots of interesting things to see."
Tuesday, 28th March 2006
I groaned as the alarm woke us up. The time change was too drastic, but it still made me feel like I was waking up in the middle of the night. It was bad enough having to get up early to make it to the airport the day before, but now I just wanted to sleep.
"Come on," encouraged Helen, sounding far too chirpy.
I looked at her with bleary eyes. "Are you serious?"
"I thought you would want to have a look around and explore that park we saw on the map."
I did, but it still felt too early. "Ooh, snow," said Helen, which jolted me quickly out of bed.
"Snow?" I said, almost fearfully. This was Tehran, they shouldn't have snow.
Helen pulled the curtains open a bit, and I could see the nearby mountains, which had snow on them. There wasn't any on the ground in the city.
"Don't worry me like that," I pouted. I still remember the cold in Moscow. "I thought it was going to be nice and warm here."
"About 17 Celsius, is what was forecast, so a bit better than home, but not much."
After the buffet breakfast, where we all met up, Mr Hobson gave us our morning pep talk.
"The morning is to do with what you like," said Mr Hobson. "However, please stay in groups no smaller than four of you. At 1pm, we will meet at the front of the hotel to go and see the Azadi Tower which you all saw on the journey from the airport. I think it will add to the cultural side of the trip."
"So where shall we go first?" Anna asked, getting a little map out of her pocket.
"The hotel receptionist said there was a metro station down that street that we could use to get to The Grand Bazaar," Martha pointed to an area a few streets away.
"That would be fun," I agreed. "After that can we go to Laleh Park?"
Helen glanced across and smiled. She'd mentioned this the other day. Erika, Martha, Anna and Jill all readily agreed.
The six of us were soon out, enjoying seeing the sites in a new city. Apart from wearing a scarf on my head, it wasn't much different from going out in the UK. The manteau wasn't much different from a jacket/coat.
"Good work Jill and Anna with your research," I murmured. "We really do fit in."
"I think we need more fashionable glasses though," added Helen. "I feel rather plain in what I'm wearing."
The city was more of a surprise. For some reason, I'd expected it to look rather run down, but it looked just like a modern city, and had the traffic to match. Iran might be despised by some, but it was certainly appeared to be affluent. Perhaps the oil helped kept the country ticking.
The metro was where we were told and what was surprising was the signs were in English as well as Persian. As we waited, a woman who looked to be in her early twenties approached us and said in English, "Women only carriages are at the front and back."
She waved as if for us to follow. We looked at each other and decided to do just that. Having a local help like that was not what we expected.
The train whistled into the station and we saw that the advice we'd been given was indeed correct. We were at the front carriage, and it was just for women. I felt a bit of a fraud getting into that carriage. What if someone noticed or said something? Helen looked a bit angry at first, thinking we were going to be put in inferior transport, but as the train arrived, we could see that the middle part of the train was packed. It had a lot of men in it, but there were some mixed couples there too. There'd been a lot of pushing and shoving in the middle areas, but in the women only carriage it seemed more relaxed.
"How did you know we weren't local?" Helen asked her in Persian as we sat down in the train.
She looked surprised that we didn't speak English to her. "You looked lost, and you're dressed too formally. Loosen up your scarf and show a bit more hair will help you not stand out as much."
"Thank you," said Helen.
"At least you speak like a local," the woman replied and stood up to get off at her stop. We never found out her name.
We arrived at the entrance to the bazaar and was surprised how large it was. The whole place was bustling and felt real. We went quickly through the first section, just in case that was a tourist trap, but it was like there was every conceivable thing for sale.
"I wonder what Mr Hobson would say if we bought a rug?" said Erika as we gazed at the most stunning rugs I'd seen.
"I think he'd have a hissy fit," Anna responded. We all nodded in agreement.
I think Mr Taylor would blow his top over the security, but that wasn't something I felt I could mention aloud. The rest of the school might know that some of the helpers where alpha members, but they didn't know who.
We came across a stall that was selling bronze cook wear. Jill slid across to take a closer look.
"Now that's something I'd love to get when I leave school," she said to Anna. "Even if we never use it, having some hang in the kitchen would look perfect."
"And I'll let you keep polishing it too," retorted Anna. "How much cleaning do you think it will need to keep it shining like that?"
Jill sighed, but kept looking. The stall owner kept his eye on us, but never approached. He was too busy on his mobile phone.
"Do you miss cooking?" I asked, as we moved on to look in a jeweller's window.
"Oh yes," Jill responded with a hint of sadness in her voice. "I used to cook at least once a week at home, and found it so relaxing."
"She was good at it too," added Anna. "I still remember her stroganoff when you had to stay at my house. Her sister and mum were wonderful cooks too."
"Hey, you helped with the stroganoff."
"Only a little. I doubt I'd have ever attempted something like that without you there."
"Have you ever asked if you could help out in the school kitchen?" Helen asked.
"But isn't that out of bounds?"
"Jayne and I had a go when we made those desserts. I'm sure if you are good enough then Justin will let you help in his kitchen. I've seen some of the higher years help out."
"Yes, but that's part of their preparation for leaving school, isn't it?"
"Some of it, yes. I do remember Justin saying that we wouldn't leave school without us knowing how to cook properly. However, I do know that some people like cooking more than others and have been known to just appear."
Jill looked dubious, but Anna seemed set on finding out when we got back to Hayfield Hall.
After an hour, we made our way back to the metro so we could explore around Laleh Park. The return journey on the metro was a lot simpler, as we'd been on it before and knew what to do.
We were just about to enter the park when a white van came screeching to a halt and the side door opened. Two men jumped out and tried to grab Jill. Whoever they were hadn't expected half a dozen determined girls. Erika kicked one of the thugs in the balls, while Anna and Martha were helping Jill get away from the clutches of the other thug.
"Ooh, you bitch," that thug groaned in French, and tried to grab her, but she moved away quicker than he could react.
Helen and I positioned ourselves between the van and the melee to make sure that Jill, nor anybody else was taken.
"Louis Jumelet?" I called out loudly. This was a gamble that the only person we'd identified in the school leak was involved in this grab and he knew French. I'd no idea what he looked like, but it was the only thing that I could think off.
That instantly stopped the two men and they turned to look at me. "How do you know my name?" the shorter one asked in French.
The four girls that weren't in the know looked very confused. Jill tried to wrestle herself from his grip, but he held on tightly. Two other men jumped out of the van, one of them went for me and the other went for Martha.
"The Supplier will not be happy that you can't even grab a girl from the street," I taunted in French. I felt this was payback for him ringing my mum.
In their confusion Erika managed to get another perfect kick. The guy who'd just grabbed Martha yelped in pain as her foot hit his groin and released her. Helen shouted to them, "Run."
Anna, Jill Helen and I weren't as lucky as we got pushed into the van. Before we could try to escape, the door got slid shut, and the driver took off at high speed. Moments later our heads were covered by a hood and we could no longer see where we were being taken. I felt my body being tapped and my travel phone being found and confiscated.
* * *
Getting taken like that wasn't a good idea, but it was far better than us all getting taken. I hoped that Erika and Martha would get help for us without the mole finding out.
It must have been twenty minutes later that we came to a stop. Our hoods and bindings were roughly removed. I rubbed my aching wrists and I glanced around, and saw we were in what looked like a small deserted garage. I looked back out of the door, but saw no houses, just open land. Inside, the repair ramps looked like they'd had better days. I had no idea where we were. I looked at Helen to make sure she was okay. She didn't have any obvious injuries, but looked very angry. Knowing she didn't have her emotions under control, I scrunched up my eyes.
"You killed my Mother," screamed Jill in French, trying her best to get out of her captor's grip. I opened my eyes in surprise. Jill having a go at the captors was the last thing I expected. It was more something Helen would do.
"Why did you grab us?" Helen yelled also in French. Oh perfect.
One of the men went to slap her, but Louis grabbed him just before he struck.
"We were told they weren't to be harmed," Louis reminded the thug. He then turned to Helen. "We grabbed you because you were stupid enough to get in our way. But since you know who I am, then I think you'll do just fine. The boss will be here soon, so you'll just have to wait in the back."
He then turned to Jill. "Why don't you tell me who you are, and I'll tell you why I killed your Mum?" Jill, then realised they didn't know who she was, and wanted to keep it that way. She shook her head. Louis just smiled.
We were manhandled towards a door at the rear of the garage. Helen saw that I wasn't struggling and calmed down a bit. There was a time to fight and now it wouldn't help. I wanted to save my energy for when it was needed. Anna and Jill though didn't keep calm and kept trying to get away, which led to them being dragged quite firmly.
"I can walk on my own", Helen grumbled, but the men weren't taking any chances. A man with a gun was standing by the door and he opened it, and we were pushed inside. The clang of the slammed door reverberated as we took stock of our situation.
There was a worn-out settee and a few chairs. Anna and Jill looked a bit shocked and I steered them to the settee. Helen looked peeved and prowled around the room like a tiger in a zoo cage.
"Getting kidnapped and we aren't even in the beta team," said Jill quietly with a slight sarcastic tone.
Anna didn't say anything, but just sat as close to Jill as she could without sitting on her lap.
"I didn't expect to be kidnapped either," added Helen, as she continued to examine the room.
"Did they take your phone?" Jill asked to all of us.
"Yes," I sighed. Helen added hers was taken too.
"So, they'll never find us," uttered Jill trying not to sound upset, but failing. Anna cuddled her closer.
After fiddling near a small window close to the ceiling Helen came to join us and dragged a decrepit chair to sit in front of Anna and Jill. "They said we weren't to be harmed. They didn't kidnap us for spite, so must have a plan. All we need to do is wait. They will find us."
Both Jill and Anna looked dubious even though Helen sounded very confident. I hoped Helen was remembering back to our first week at Hayfield like I had.
"So, how did you find out your Dad was really Julia?" I asked Jill, trying to distract her and Anna.
"Haven't I told you?" Jill responded, sounding puzzled.
"No. You haven't told us any of your time in Milton Keynes before you joined the school. Anna, also we know nothing of your time after you left for Milton Keynes."
Helen smiled at my tactic.
"The worst thing about moving was losing Jill and all my friends. I had Erika, but that was it. Where we lived before was a large village. Milton Keynes, even though it's a town, is big enough to be called a city. I'd gone from somewhere where the number of shops you could count on your fingers to one where there was a huge shopping centre, a big cinema and indoor ski slope. I felt a bit lost."
"Lost?"
"I didn't know where anything was. I remember going to Wolverhampton, or Stafford and knew where everything was. Here, the centre was a short bus ride away, but I knew no one to share the adventure with, apart from Erika. It sounds bad, but when Jill arrived it made things seem better. The gang was back. I just wish it wasn't because of what happened, if you know what I mean."
"So what did you do when Jill moved to Milton Keynes?"
Jill shrugged, not looking at all happy about this conversation.
"Bill was so distraught," added Anna, pulling Jill in towards her. "The first week Bill spent as much time at my parent's house as with her father. All we did was show love, and was there. It was so hard as it was like Bill had shut part of himself away. At the time, we didn't realise that was a deliberate thing, but it just made things so much harder."
"Sorry," murmured Jill, a few tears trickling down her cheek. I was surprised it wasn't more, but maybe she had sobbed this out many times.
"So how did you discover about Julia?" Helen asked, trying to get Jill back to my question.
"It was about a week after I'd moved to Milton Keynes," started Jill, wiping the dampness from her cheek. "We'd gone for a walk around Caldecotte lake, which wasn't far from where we lived. There was a three-year-old boy playing at the edge of the lake and he got a bit close. He was throwing some bread to a duck and forgot to let go of the bread and slipped in. His mother couldn't swim and was frantic. Dad didn't hesitate, but just jumped in and grabbed the boy."
"That was very brave," commented Helen. I nodded in agreement.
"So, Dad jumped in and pulled the poor boy out. This was January, so not only was it very cold, the water was very cold too. We all rushed back to the cars where the mother had a spare blanket to wrap him in and rushed to take him to the hospital to be checked out. This just left me and Dad."
Jill paused.
"And?" prompted Helen, eager to hear more.
"Dad's clothes were soaked," continued Jill her eyes focusing on the door to the room. Anna pulled Jill deeper into her embrace. "They were literally dripping onto the floor. I took off my coat, so Dad could have something to keep him warm. When he removed his, I saw that the baggy wool jumper was no longer baggy but clingy. I could see an outline of breasts."
"Do you think they would give us some water?" asked Anna, stopping Jill from progressing further.
Internally I sighed. This had been a good distraction for Anna and Jill.
Helen and I did Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who would ask for water. Helen won, and opted to do it. She went and banged on the door. When it opened, we saw the guard was brandishing a gun.
"Can we have some water?" Helen asked in Farsi. He didn't look like he understood, so repeated herself in French, which he seemed to get.
"I'll sort," he responded in French. He waved his gun and I pulled Helen inside. The guard shut us back in.
"There's no way out that way," I murmured, gently placing my right hand on Helen's shoulder.
"But..." started Helen but was interrupted as the door was opened.
One of the guards had two large bottles of water, the other guard stood back away from the door, his gun pointed toward us just in case we tried to make a move.
As we took the offered water we heard raised voices coming from the front of the garage. One was female which surprised me, but they were too far away to work out what was being said.
Just as the door shut, a single gunshot rang out.
Having all done shooting at the school firing range, all four of us knew what a gun sounded like, so there was no hiding it from Jill or Anna. I expected them to be frightened, but the two non-Beta's didn't appear concerned.
"Do you think we're being rescued?" asked Jill, sounding hopeful.
I'd not thought of that and glanced across at Helen. She shrugged, seemingly not having thought about it being a rescue attempt. Surely there would have been more shooting if we were being rescued? It didn't take long before the door flew open. Instead of being rescued, a body was shoved into the room and the door slammed shut. The trousers on the new arrival were covered in blood.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 65
Tuesday, 28th March 2006 (cont)
We rushed across and saw it was Tracy Dine. She was semi-conscious, murmuring, "Don't kill my sister."
"Let me take a look," said Anna, helping Dr Dine across to the settee. "I'm going to have to remove your trousers to get to the wound."
"No," responded Dr Dine, becoming a bit more awake. "Just find something to compress the wound with."
She swung her leg onto the settee, so it was parallel to the rest of her.
"Helen, see if there is a first aid kit," I ordered, taking off my coat and removing my polo shirt. I used the top to press onto the wound.
Helen wasn't the only one looking. Jill and Anna leapt to search the dingy office. It was to no avail. There wasn't anything useful, just some old papers and a half empty can of oil.
"What are we going to do?" queried Anna, all the fear from earlier dissipated. It was like a switch had flipped and she was like she was in school, a confident young woman.
"Pray that compression is enough," responded Helen in a very matter of fact way.
I looked across and saw Helen was fastening up her coat, her polo shirt in her hands. "Let me take over for a bit," she offered.
I nodded, and she knelt next to me. "On three. One … two … three."
Helen added her shirt and mine came away. I wiped my hands on the side of the settee to try and get some of the blood off them and then washed them with some of the drinking water. Only then did I attempt to put my jacket back on.
"Her pulse is rather rapid," said Anna, trying to help. "Do you think she'll be okay?"
"It's difficult to tell," I responded glad to no longer be just in my bra. "She needs to be in hospital. We are trying to stop the bleeding by applying compression to the wound. Give it chance to clot."
I felt frustrated. I'd watched two surgeries, and nothing I'd seen prepared me for now. The surgeries had been planned and followed set procedures. Even when things went wrong, the experts had all there training to fall back on. We were just four school kids, trying to look after someone shot in the leg. Instead of a nice clean operating theatre, we were in a small dingy office. At least none of us were panicking.
Jill went up to the door and banged loudly.
"What are you doing?" hissed Anna.
"I'm going to tell them that Tracy needs the hospital," responded Jill, banging again.
"Stop it," begged Anna, rushing across to stop Jill.
The door swung open just as Anna got there revealing not one of The Supplier's gang, but Mr Taylor.
"We need medical assistance," I called out when I saw him. "Dr Dine has been shot in the leg."
"Rachel, over here," Mr Taylor called loudly, taking off his backpack.
"You can let go of her leg now," Mr Taylor said to Helen, as his large hands took her place. "You've done well."
Rachel gave a stifled cry as she saw Tracy lying on the settee and was soon rummaging through Mr Taylors bag. This was the last we saw of Tracy as we were ushered out of the room.
There was a dirty sink in a dingy toilet that Helen and I were able to clean our hands of the blood. Our hands might have been blood free, but I couldn't shake the picture of Dr Dine injured the way she was.
When we got to the awaiting car, we were handed our phones. They'd been found switched off in a drawer at the garage. The driver was Julia.
Julia stood there, wanting to hug her child, but held back, knowing the rules. Anna took the initiative and pushed Jill towards Julia. The two were soon hugging and crying over each other. After a few seconds, Julia beckoned to Anna, and she joined in the family hug.
"About time," Mr Taylor murmured from behind. "Too many rules spoiling family time."
"What now, sir?" I enquired.
"Hotel, clean up and debriefing. Most of the school has been out on an extended trip, so they might have noticed you aren't there, but hopefully won't enquire too much. It will give you chance to sort yourselves out without too many questions."
"Thanks. But what about Dr Dine?"
"You all did an excellent job in saving her. Dr Ruiz didn't have to do much more than seal the wound a bit better. She is being taken to a friendly surgeon who will make sure she is okay and if so, will probably fly out tonight where she can be looked after closer to home."
"That's good," said Helen, "but what about her at the school?"
"That's for Mr Hobson to decide."
"Just so you know, when she was slightly delirious, she was murmuring about wanting them not to kill her sister. If she was aiding them, it might not have been willingly."
"I'll get someone to check on her sister. The last we knew Cheryl was working in France as a tour rep."
"What happened to Louis Jumelet and the other that took us?"
"We saw them leaving, just as we got here. Our priority was to make sure you were all okay, rather than catch them. We made sure our approach was rather obvious. We didn't want to risk a gun fight where you could have been hostages. Mrs Toms appears to have finished her family time, so let her drive you back to the hotel. You have a concert tomorrow, and you need to concentrate on that."
"Yes, Sir," Helen and I responded in unison.
* * *
After Helen and I had had a shower. A message was on our PDA reminding us to stay in our rooms; Rachel was back and would see us after seeing Anna and Jill. I put the PDA into scan mode or bugs and went through the room.
"So, we just have to hang around?" huffed Helen. "We've just been sitting around for the past few hours."
"I know," I soothed, continuing to walk through the room. "If we'd known we could have had a longer shower."
I wiggled my eyebrows and she laughed. Unfortunately, our conversation didn't go further as there was a knock on the door.
I put my fingers to my lips and went to answer. The corridor to the door was the last area to scan.
I let in Mr Taylor and as we went into the room, I showed him the clear signal on my phone.
"Good thinking," he smiled.
Helen rushed to move one of the two chairs from around a side table, so he could sit down. Helen and I sat at the edge of Helen’s bed, since it was closer to the table.
When we were all seated, Mr Taylor didn't waste time opening with the line, "What happened?"
I gave a detailed summary, which Mr Taylor recorded. "That was great. I need to talk with my colleagues, but I will be back in about fifteen minutes. I need to do a more detailed interview."
"What about our chat with Dr Ruiz?"
"She is busy with Anna and Jill. As you said, Jill was the target of a kidnapping and that is going to take up some time."
When Mr Taylor returned, he wasn't alone. With him was Rachel and following behind was Stacy. He was also carrying a box.
"Are Anna and Jill okay?" Helen asked, when she saw Rachel. I'd thought that she would have been with Anna and Jill for longer than she had been.
"They are okay for now. However, I'm sure there might be bumps as they process what happened. For instance, you Helen only found out your problem after Russia until you got back to Hayfield."
"I'm going to ask you to go through your story again, but in some more detail," explained Mr Taylor, putting the box down next to his chair. "Stacy is here as close friend. Dr Ruiz thought it was a good idea for someone close if you need."
"I'm here to make sure you are okay with what Mr Taylor askes. Also, to make sure I know what happened. Therefore, if you need extra help, I know the background without having to put you through asking."
"No Brenda?" I enquired as Stacy joined myself and Helen on the bed.
"She's with Anna and Jill. Erika and Martha are there too."
Helen and I nodded. That made sense to us. They weren't alone but were with friends.
"This is going to be a detailed walkthrough," said Mr Taylor. "We will slowly go over each interaction you had with the kidnappers. Helen, why don't you tell us."
"We were just about to enter Laleh Park when a white van pulled up and two men jumped out of the side door."
"Stop," interrupted Mr Taylor, making me jump a bit. I wasn't expecting to stop so soon, we'd only just started going through things in detail. "Let's examine the van. You said it was white. Were there any markings on it?"
"No, it was just white," I said, thinking back. "There wasn't even any dirt on it. It looked like it had just been washed."
Mr Taylor reached into the box and pulled out two tablets. "I'd like you to separate and both look at a tablet each. It has pictures of different vans that are popular in Tehran. See if you can see the type they drove."
I took one of the offered tablets and swiped across several sets of pictures. Stacy sat between us so that we didn't peep at the other tablet. Eventually I found two that it could be and marked them both.
"I'm sorry," I said handing mine back. "There is two that I thought it could be."
Helen soon after handed hers back. "I was unsure. I've put what I think it was, but I may be wrong. It happened so fast."
"That's fine," reassured Mr Taylor taking the offered tablet with a disarming smile.
He looked at the results and smiled. "Well, you both seem to have chosen the same vehicle."
"Now let's go back and look at the first two men that jumped out. You mentioned one was Louis Jumelet, can you pick him out from any of these pictures?"
For the next hour, we looked at photos, drew pictures of the ones we didn't know and then moved on to talk about how we responded. During this Rachel just sat, watched and listened. Stacy also didn't say anything, but she was there showing both of us support.
"Thank you," said Mr Taylor as he put everything back in the box. "I think you both handled the situation…". He paused trying to find the words. "Admirably. You were calm and saved Miss Dines life. Having someone try to kidnap you wasn't on anybody's thoughts. I do know Mr Hobson isn't happy, so will be putting something new in place. We have some extra security coming from one of the European schools to help. They should be here later tonight."
"Thank you, sir" Helen responded. I just blushed.
"It's a shame we didn't manage to catch Louis Jumelet. I know he is wanted in at least five countries, and probably more. It's just nobody knew what he looked like, until now."
For the first time, Rachel spoke. "Do you feel you will be able to perform in tomorrow's concert?"
Helen and I glanced at each other, and then turned towards Rachel. I couldn't believe she would ask us such a question, and it showed on our faces. Music was our love. Music sang to our soul. Music was what brought the entire school together and shone as a beacon that different was good. They might not know we were different, but we did. We could do. We will do.
Rachel didn't take our looks as an answer. "I need a verbal response," she prodded.
"Yes, I will take part," I responded.
"Not even The Supplier can keep me from playing," added Helen.
"I'll leave you to your friends," said Rachel getting up from her chair. Mr Taylor gave us a thumbs-up and followed her out, carrying his box cradled in his arms.
"I thought Rachel would have asked us more than that," I commented after the door had shut.
"I can get her back if you want," playfully responded Stacy and got raspberries from both myself and Helen.
"It's coming up to the evening meal," said Helen, looking at the time on the phone. "We missed lunch."
I turned to Stacy. "As head student, can you inform the other year heads that Tracy was taken ill and is being flown back home. Hopefully, that will stop too many enquiries."
"I will do," Stacy responded, with a slight smile. "I'll do it individually, so not to cause more questions."
As Stacy opened the door, Mr Hobson was there, about to knock.
* * *
When we joined the rest from our year, including Anna and Jill for the meal there was nothing mentioned about us being missing. There were a few squeezes of hands, in some ways to confirm we were there, but no questions.
"Wasn't Azadi Tower wonderful," said Brian to Lewis as we were all eating. "Such ornate structure and all in marble."
I glanced across and Helen wondering why they were rubbing it in that we weren't there.
"The lattice like structure from looking up from the bottom was great," agreed Lewis. "But the traffic all around the park was chaos."
Emma and Paula started joining in and started to describe things in such detail. It was then that I released that they were trying to impart what happened while we were absent. I loved these guys.
It wasn't until we were finishing our meal that the conversation turned from the Azadi Tower visit to tomorrow's concert. At no time did anybody mention what had happened to us.
"Any idea where Tracy is?" quietly asked Martha as we were walking back to our rooms.
"She's been taken ill and is being flown back to the UK," Helen responded.
"Oh," said Martha a bit crestfallen. "I hope it isn't too serious."
"So do I," sighed Helen. "But one of those things to discuss when we are safely back in our year room."
Martha's eyes opened wide in surprise. "Oh?!"
Wednesday, 29th March 2006
The alarm rang, waking us from a fitful sleep. Two single beds weren’t the best environment when all you wanted to do was cuddle the one you loved. It would have been bad being in separate beds at the best of times, but after yesterday it wasn’t the best of times. Not the worst of times, but certainly not the best.
"How are you feeling?" I asked Helen as we both reluctantly got out of bed.
A deep sigh was her only response. Well, that and a "are you kidding me" look. I just stared back at her with my eyebrows slightly raised. "Look, can we talk about it tomorrow when we're home?"
I nodded and trundled off to have a shower. Alone. One thing I did notice is that when I had a joint shower, it always seemed to take longer.
When I got back to the bedroom, Helen was sat on her bed, hugging her pillow and staring out of the window into the distance.
I didn't say anything, but sat down next to her, and put my arms around her. Her stare didn't change, but she did shift slightly, coming in closer. There weren't any tears, so I just waited, my arm letting her know I was there.
"Why us?" she eventually asked.
There wasn't any upset or anger in her voice, just puzzlement. I didn't say anything but just continued to hold her.
"Are you jinxed?" she asked, turning towards me for the first time.
"I hope not," I replied, glad she was not just staring into the distance. "At our last concert, I wasn't the one who got to stay away on the last night."
"Oh, that's true," she agreed, putting her arm around me. "Will you still love me if I'm the jinx?"
"You're no jinx," I reassured. "We've had a few exciting trips. I bet the next few years will be boring with no extra activity."
"I hope so," said Helen getting up. "I better get ready quick, or we'll miss breakfast."
* * *
Breakfast was just like the day before and like the day before, we had a little pep talk from Mr Hobson.
"Our itinerary is changing slightly," Mr Hobson announced after we'd all eaten. "Our practice and concert are still the same, but an earlier flight has become available. So, I want you to go back to your rooms, and pack your suitcases. These can be loaded onto the coach. We will checkout in three hours."
There wasn't any grumbling, or complaints. As we walked back to our rooms, nothing was said about the early departure. Everybody acted as if it was part of the plan to leave tonight. That's when I realised that everybody knew something had happened but knew from what was said after the Russia trip that this wasn't to be discussed in the open.
When we got to our room, I noticed that the lamp over Helen's bed was switched off. We'd left it on. I put my fingers to my lips and pulled out the PDA and scanned the room. The screen started flashing red. The room was bugged.
I twisted the phone so Helen could see the flashing screen. She nodded and grabbing the suitcase, said "Packing is such a pain."
"Tell me about it," I added.
I wondered if we should spin a yarn, to put off whoever was listening, but we had no idea who it was. There were several parties that sprang to mind.
1. The Supplier and his crew
2. Iranian security services
3. The Russians
4. The French
5. The British
Making something up could tip whoever was listening that we knew they were listing. I knew the information that a bug had been found would have been transmitted to Mr Taylor and Stacy, so there wasn't anything I needed to do. They would make sure their rooms were clear. Our standing instructions for this scenario was to leave it alone and carry on as per normal but to watch what we said.
Then there was Mr Hobson's announcement. He wanted us to get out of Dodge. Was it the kidnapping, or did he know something we didn't?
Over the twenty minutes to pack, Helen and I kept up a conversation about the music we were playing and the Grand Bazaar. I'm sure whoever was listening found it a riveting conversation.
"It's a shame we didn't manage to Laleh Park," sighed Helen as she zipped up her suitcase.
It was that statement that gave me the craziest idea I'd ever had. Even crazier than being dressed as Jayne in Iran. I pulled out my beta PDA and did some quick investigation.
"We do have a few hours," I pondered aloud.
Helen gave me a what the…look.
I pointed towards the bugged lamp and Helen adlibbed. "We'd have to make it quick before someone at the school missed us."
I have a big thumbs up to that. If it was The Supplier, it would be a big hint that we'd be alone. If not, this might be a big waste of time.
When we'd left the room. Helen hissed, "What are you playing at?"
"Mr Taylor said yesterday they were adding extra security. I was thinking of us being bait so The Supplier can be captured."
"Are you nuts?" Helen responded. "That's deliberately putting us in danger."
"A little. But with security around, we should be okay. Do you want to try this?"
"Well Mr Hobson didn't ask for us not to go outside, so we won't be breaking any rules. I can't say I'm thrilled, but I don't want to always be worried going out. "
As we went down the lift, I put my Bluetooth into my ear, and made sure it was hidden under my hijab. As the lift doors opened, I dialled Mr Taylor.
"Good spot on the bug," was his opening line.
"Thank you, sir. However, I wasn't ringing about that."
"No, you're ringing because you want to be bait, and thought ringing when you got off the lift would be a great time to tell me your plan."
I internally gasped and looked around and eventually spotted him, with a young-looking Stacy and Brenda. They were to the left of the lift, so outside the sightline of anybody getting off the lift. "Helen, look left," I muttered.
"Oh shit", she muttered when she saw them.
Indeed. We moved across to see how much trouble we were in. I wanted to hold Helen's hand for support. But having two people of the same sex show affection in public wasn't a good idea in a country where that was illegal.
"What were you playing at?" scalded Mr Taylor. "I thought you were taught you better. You don't do something like that without a plan."
"I had a plan," I retorted. "According to tracking, there is security in the café opposite and scattered down the road we would have gone down. I presume they are looking for white vans and tagging them?"
"They might," Mr Taylor responded cautiously. "So why do you want to go out if you know we are looking?"
"Two reasons. One, we didn't want to be afraid of going out. And two. I thought that they might have followed us, and called the van in. If so, they aren't likely to just cruise around looking."
"So why are you two made up like your sixteen?" Helen asked Brenda and Stacy.
"Because we had exactly the same plan as you," admitted Stacy. "We were just stopped like you were."
I couldn't help it but gave a small laugh. Soon all four of us students were tittering, and Mr Taylor looked at us with bewilderment.
When we calmed down, I said, "You're not going to let us out, are you?"
It was obvious that he wouldn't, but I had to have it confirmed, just for my peace of mind.
"No," Mr Taylor responded firmly. He tapped something on his phone then put it away before looking at me. "However, it isn't that I didn't like your plan, but there are three reasons why it would never happen. One, Mr Hobson would be terribly upset if I put you in danger. Two, beta team is only supposed to assist when the main team are indisposed. Finally, I couldn't let you ruin my plan."
He gestured to the lift and we heard the lift doors ping as they opened.
"What the…" escaped out of Brenda's mouth as out stepped two girls that looked just like me and Helen. They headed out of the hotel entrance, just as we'd planned.
"Are we in trouble?" asked Helen, sounding contrite.
"No. Though it shows boundaries need to be described better, which is my responsibility. So why don't you all go back to Stacy's room and make sure you don't go anywhere near Helen and Jayne's room until I say so. It would be shame for whoever planted that bug to get wind that it wasn't you walking down the street."
* * *
"Playing wearing a hijab still doesn't feel right," said Helen as we boarded the plane. "Even after all the practice we did before flying out."
"Tell me about it," I sighed. "Knowing the music and seeing the conductor just isn't enough. Having your hearing muffled by the hijab really doesn't help follow the rest of the orchestra."
"At least the audience were great", piped in Lewis. "They gave us really warm applause. They seemed a lot less stuffy than the French concert."
The practice and the concert had gone without a hitch. Classical music wasn't something played often in Iran. The leaders thought pre-revolutionary music distracted from the relationship with God. In my mind, music was a gift from God, not something to be hidden, or restricted. Music played to the heart. Music played to the soul. Music played to the mind. Music just is.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 66
Thursday 30th March 2006
We got back home to Hayfield Hall at the first signs of dawn. Instead of going to our rooms for a nap as Mr Hobson had suggested, we got permission to go to our year room. There were things that we needed to discuss first.
"Well?" asked Emma as soon as she shut the door.
I got a thumbs up from Helen, who had just finished scanning the room.
"There will be a special meeting later-" I started.
"Oh, come on!" interrupted Emma.
"As I was saying, there will be a special meeting later. We can tell you what happened to us. We just can't tell you the full story, as we've not been told. Is that okay?"
"Sure," she replied. Paula tapped her study partner. "Sorry for butting in like that, but we've been itching to know what happened for days."
"I know, and you've been very patient. When this started Erika, Martha, Anna, Jill, Helen and I were there, so why don't we start with what Erika and Martha have to say. Then Anna and Jill can give their bit. That way you know I'm not hiding something."
One of the problems of thinking about an event a few days later is your mind often plays tricks. It happened to me with the number of shots fired in Russia. However, Martha and Anna both gave great accounts that tallied with what I remembered. What topped it off was that Anna never mentioned who rescued us, just that they were rescued.
"Did Dr Dine sell us out?" Lewis asked angrily.
"We don't know," Helen responded carefully. "We know she turned up there and had an argument with our captives. She also mentioned that her sister might be in danger, so if she did, it was potentially coercion."
All our PDA's bleeped at the same time. There was to be a student only meeting in the cinema in three hours.
"It looks like we might be finding something out," Brian mused.
"Okay, go and get a nap," I instructed. It was also a chance for me to get back to being dressed as David.
* * *
As we filed into the cinema, at the front was Mr Hobson, Dr Ruiz and a woman I'd never seen before. We were all silent and on our best behaviour with someone unknown in the room.
"I'm the chair of the governors of this school and head of the schools' protection associates," stated the unknown woman. "It is unusual for a chair of governors to talk directly to the pupils, but this isn't a run of the mill state school and you are all highly intelligent and have great potential. I therefore thought this conversation should occur and Mr Hobson agreed."
Her voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't place where I'd heard it. I put that to the back of my mind as I heard her say, "Today Mr Hobson tended his resignation as headteacher of this school."
I couldn't believe this, and it seemed nor could others as I heard some mutterings started between individuals. It was obviously loud enough for her to hear, as she paused for a moment.
"If I may continue," she said with a bit more steel in her voice, which brought the room back to silence. "As headteacher, Mr Hobson is responsible for the safety of you, the pupils at this school. As school governors we are responsible for setting the aims for the school and holding the school's senior leadership to account.
"When we were made aware about the incident, the governors requested an investigation. This was updated as details emerged. Once you returned to Hayfield Hall the investigation was concluded following interviews with Mr Hobson and a few others."
"When Mr Hobson was made aware that four pupils had been abducted, he contacted the Hayfield security team and then contacted me. The security team that went with you on the school trip followed protocol and within a few hours had located the four pupils that had been abducted and proceeded with a rescue.
"During the search and rescue time, the rest of the school went to visit a public site where they were always with staff, reducing the risk to the rest of the pupils. Extra security was flown in from the nearest sister school. Hence reducing the risk of the incident reoccurring.
"Finally, Mr Hobson discussed with the senior leadership team about pulling out of the concert. With additional security in place, it was deemed safe to still perform and leave immediately following the end of the concert.
"The conclusion of the governors report was that Mr Hobson reacted swiftly to the abduction and minimized the risk to the other people there. Running a school efficiently is one thing but having the ability to react in a crisis shows what a talented team Mr Hobson has assembled here. Therefore, Mr Hobson's resignation has been refused."
That went down very well, and I was soon on my feet with others from the school applauding.
After a few seconds, Mr Hobson quietened us down, and the lady continued. "The pupils are what the school is all about. The aim of the school is to teach you in a way that you can learn to the best of your ability, in a safe and secure place. We failed to keep you safe and secure. Yet keeping you secure can't be at the detriment of your freedom and your ability to grow. I've sat in the audience at several of your concerts and I've seen the passion you all have, not just for making music, but playing in front of a live audience. I feel that if we stop you from performing, you would be worse off, and the world would be worse off without hearing you play."
Mr Hobson stepped forward and continued, "The recent Ofsted report mentioned access to a weekend shuttle service to neighbouring towns. Starting next Saturday, we will be implementing this. At first, we will alternate between places like Milton Keynes, Luton, Bedford and Watford. See what towns you prefer, and we can then alter things around. But please remember the rule banning bringing things into the school still applies."
"Finally, I need to mention about Dr Tracy Dine."
When Mr Hobson uttered those words, most of us leaned forward. This was news we all wanted to hear.
"She wasn't the school leak and certainly didn't try to hurt any pupil here. She was contacted by the abductors on the pretext they had her sister. They wanted some information that she didn't have. When she heard they had four students, she tried to fight them and was injured in the ensuing struggle. It will be a while before she is back, so in the meantime we have brought forward the recruitment of an additional person on the support team.
"Year one has ten pupils. Since we've had the bedroom expansion, that is going to be the new standard. So, in July there will be ten new pupils. There is also a discussion if we should start a year earlier, but that won't be for a few years, if it happens. When Dr Hilda Saunders starts here next week it will be a permanent addition to provide additional flexibility."
"Tomorrow is a recovery day, lessons will start again on Monday."
As the meeting ended, I tuned out and looked at the chair of governors. It was strange that she didn't announce her name and her voice still bugged me. I was sure I'd heard it somewhere before.
* * *
"How are you both feeling?" Rachel asked, as we sat down on her office settee.
"It's good to be back," responded Helen neutrally. I nodded in agreement. I was loving being back dressed as David, and the more flexible hairstyle made it easier to look male without wearing a cap while waiting to see the hairdresser.
"Fair enough," said Rachel glancing over at us. "Today we aren't discussing what happened on the trip. You know my door is always open if you want to discuss that, but at the moment I'm not sensing you need or want to discuss it. Am I right?"
Helen and I exchanged glances. "We haven't had any issues, so nothing to discuss."
"As I thought. So, for the revue you both learnt to dance the tango. I believe you continued to take dance lessons since then. How are you getting on?"
"Don't you get reports?" I queried, surprised.
"It's an extracurricular activity," explained Rachel, as if that answered my question. By the blank looks on our faces Rachel must have realised she needed to explain more. "I only get reports on your main school lessons. Things like your instrument and dance lessons aren't reported to me. I would hear if you were skipping planned lessons, but not how you are doing. So, I'll ask again. How are you getting on with you dance lessons?"
"It was slightly easier for me," said Helen. "I'd done some lessons before moving here. I think you could say we are at a stage where we wouldn't embarrass ourselves at standard social events.
Rachel looked at me and I sighed. "Simon and Kelly did a good job at recruiting when we did the lessons for the revue. I've been learning as David. They suggested I didn't learn to dance as Jayne until I'd got one method fully sunk in."
"Good," Rachel sat back and looked at me. "David, the next bit is concentrated a bit on you. Now we are back from the concert, I think some time is needed discussing the dichotomy between your gender presentation and how you feel."
I sighed. I knew this was something I needed to talk about, but it wasn't something I was looking forward to. As Andy had reminded me, it wasn't something in life that I was happy with and it had made me attempt suicide, even though I hadn't got far.
Helen moved closer, and I felt her love radiating. "Je t'aime," she muttered so only I could hear. Or so I hoped.
"Are we going back to looking in the mirror?" I asked, thinking about my session after Russia where we'd had a small discussion about how I felt.
"Perhaps figuratively, but that is about it. Let me recap where I think we are, and if I've missed anything you can add that in after. So, by default you prefer to present as David but if people don't know you, they might address you using female pronouns."
I nodded and Helen pulled her arm tighter around me. She knew how much I hated it when that occurred.
"You can present as female and get accepted as female, but it isn't something that you feel is you."
"And I wouldn't want to take hormones or have surgery like Stacy." I added quite forcibly.
Rachel looked shocked. "That was never something that has ever been considered. This school isn't into making people something they aren't. It is about giving them the opportunity to excel and where needed, giving them room to explore who they are and what they need in life. For someone to want hormones, or eventually surgery, there are a lot of safeguards in place. It is something you would have had to ask us about, and then you would have to prove it is something you need, not just want."
I nodded like that was something I already understood, but internally I was kicking myself for still having my doubts. Andy had said before that they wouldn't force me to stay female.
Rachel then continued with her recap. "You can also present as male and get accepted as male. However, you feel it is also not you."
"No, I'm not comfortable. For some reason it feels like I'm a fraud."
"So next we started to look to see if it was because you were young, and you needed a more mature engagement. You did a trip with Andy with you dressed as a young rich female. How was that?"
"When I got over my nerves, I had the same feeling as when I'm Jayne on school trips."
"You mentioned previously that prior to joining the school you'd never been on holiday and never eaten out-"
"My parents did what they could afford to," I interrupted.
"Yes, they did," Rachel agreed. "I'm not saying they were bad parents. Your parents worked hard, but they didn't earn much. I mentioned it because we need to round out your personal skills. Knowing you've never done something is good. For instance, you picked up how to behave at hotels and in restaurants while in Paris.
When you went to the BAFTA ceremony, it was something that neither you nor Andy had every done before. But because Andy had learnt how to mix at other events, he was able to apply what he'd learnt to that situation. You though didn't have any other experience to draw on, but you seemed to wing it without being obvious."
"I followed a lot of Andy's lead," I admitted.
"This isn't a short-term project," explained Rachel. "In fact, we experience new situations all our life and learn how to cope or act appropriately. This school will give you some good foundations over the next few years. And that isn't just the two of you. There are others in your year that will also need extra foundations."
"So, we aren't being picked on?" I half joked.
"No, you aren't," Rachel gladly confirmed. "But when an opportunity to learn comes up, we will try to squeeze it in, if it doesn't impact your welfare, or too much of your free time. After all, you are still children and have just over four years left at the school.
"A few months ago, the BAFTA trip came up, and that was a great opportunity for you to learn. It had two aims. One, you learnt a bit more about yourself, and two, you learnt how to behave in that type of environment. It was something fun, and they often stick the most."
"On the way back, Andy sent a few emails with ideas to help you learn more about yourself. He reminded me, in quite strong terms, that most of the extra learning you'd done has been as Jayne and you needed to learn as David too. I agree."
"So?" I enquired, rather eagerly. "You won't have been discussing this if something hadn't been decided. "
"Two different events were discussed. One is a traditional dinner dance, hence the enquiry about the dancing. The second was a charity gala. Both would have you as a young professional gentleman. Since men don't wear makeup, this is going to be quite a challenge."
"I don't have any skills to portray a professional anything."
"Neither of the two events are tomorrow. We wouldn't put you into a situation you weren't confident in. Also, you will have someone with you."
"Who?"
"That's undecided. Both Stacy and Brenda have volunteered. There was also quite a discussion if it should be all four of you and who should partner with who."
"Because of our cross-partner thing?" asked Helen.
"Partly," Rachel responded, guardedly.
"Mr Hobson can't wrap us in cotton wool," I added after realising he was worried since we'd been abducted.
"Indeed. I think he is less concerned now than he was on the plane, where a lot of these discussions took place."
"So, how do we prepare?" I enquired.
Helen giggled, and I noticed Rachel trying not to smile, but you could see amusement in her eyes.
"What?" I complained.
"I think one of the issues might be resolving itself," laughed Helen.
"Huh?" came out of my lips.
"Is this the first time you've heard David's voice like this?" Rachel asked Helen.
"I don't remember hearing it happen before."
"What?" I responded, listening to my voice. It sounded normal to me.
"Your voice suddenly dipped in pitch as you were talking and then went back to your old pitch," explained Rachel. "You know the other month that we discussed you were going through puberty. Well, this is just one of those things that happen."
I shifted so I could look directly at Helen. Her arm which had been around me fell as I moved, and I took her hands in mine. "Are you okay with this?" I asked, worried if it would impact our relationship.
"Er, yeah?!" exclaimed Helen, puzzled why I would be asking. "You are you and you are the person I love. Remember my commitment words. It is your heart and soul that I love. It doesn't matter to me if you look like David or Jayne; you are the same person who I love with all my heart."
As Helen spoke those words, I bit my bottom lip as I tried to stop myself crying. When she finished, she pointed to her commitment broach. "Never forget my words."
"I love you so much," I uttered, totally forgetting we were in Dr Rachel Ruiz office.
"Ahem," called Rachel, interrupting our smooch.
"Sorry," Helen and I uttered at the same time. I felt slightly embarrassed that I totally forgot where we were.
"It happens," brushed of Rachel. "Talking of amorous occasions. David, since your commitment ceremony how many times have you been sick?"
"Only the once," I smiled. "Thank you for helping me get that issue mostly under control."
"I'm sure Helen is equally grateful," Rachel smirked.
Helen blushed and tried to say something, but she couldn't put the words together.
"Look, my inquisitor hat is over there," said Rachel pointing to a stack of caps on her desk with different titles.
"I didn't get them," I quickly mentioned. "Students aren't allowed to purchase items for school."
"Oh, I know who got them," she snarled. "Anyway, back to you. That's what these discussions are about. Your GP investigates physical issues with the body and gives a treatment to fix problems. Your discussions with me are about investigating how you feel about situations and see if they are impacting your life. We found the cause of why you are being sick, and you are now starting to control the situation."
"Are you saying you might be able to do the same about how I feel about my gender?" I asked hopefully.
"Yes and no. A discussion and you experimenting might find you a presentation or details to make you more comfortable with yourself. You've not been able to explain what feels wrong, so things are a bit hit and miss. We also talk about things, as it might help shed light on how you feel – get you used to talking about things, and you might discover how to articulate how you feel about how you present and how others see you. I never promised it would be easy, but one thing I do promise, is I will never force a permanent change on you or tell you who you should be. It's your life and your body. I'm just here to help you discover yourself and aid you to live rather than survive."
"Can I ask a few questions?" I queried.
"Sure, and I will try to answer," responded Rachel. "This is chat for both of you. You don't have to ask formally, just ask. I'm here to help if I can."
"I've been growing, and just before we went away my clothes, which had been feeling a bit tight, had started fitting better again. Are our clothes being updated as we grow?"
"This is a school full of adolescents. You are always growing and changing. This is expected and clothes are updated every so often. Clothes are also changed because of the seasons. Its pointless having lots of thick clothes in the middle of summer, and you aren't going to be in shorts in the middle of winter. Items like trousers are designed to be let out a bit, and the bottom of the legs are turned up so there is room for growth. Sometimes we are caught out, but not often."
"When will my voice fully break?"
"How long is a piece of string?" Rachel retorted and quickly continued before I could complain. "No, that isn't me being evasive. For some it might take a few weeks, others there isn't any wobble, it just happens."
I thought for a moment, and neither Helen nor Rachel interrupted. Helen just gently squeezed my hand to let me know she was still supporting me. "I suppose it will help with initial impressions. When I speak, I will naturally sound like David. Perhaps this will help me feel less confused."
"Pitch is only one indicator. Think about those you know your age. There were one or two at The Manor whose voice had broken, but quite a number whose hadn't. If you take all the male voice on the ones that weren't broken you would still say they were male voices, and even though the female voices had similar pitch, you were still able to discern that they were female."
"Remember when you two had male lessons. There were many things discussed ranging from slightly different vocabulary to intonation. Pitch was only one of the pointers. I'm going to pick on the singer Cher. I'm so glad she doesn't hear these conversations as she would be totally fed up and mortified at being used as an example. However, she is such a good example. Her voice is deep for a female, but when you listen to her you wouldn't mistake her for male. "
"So, I'm doomed," I uttered my heart sinking. I'd been feeling really good, but now I felt so defective again.
"Not necessarily. We don't know how you will react. You might find your post puberty voice more comforting. You might naturally fit in with it and your presentation go with it. Who knows? At the minimum it might be more of a clue for people so even if you aren't fully male, it will give people enough clues to stop getting it wrong."
I again gave it some thought and smiled. "That would be a start. That must be the thing I hate the most, when I'm just being me, and people think I'm female. If that happens less, then that will be a start."
"So, lets see how you get on, and I will start organising you both to start working on how you might fit if you did go to a social event. "
* * *
Sleep is one of those funny times where you aren't thinking about a problem where a solution can suddenly appear. The downside is if you don't share the information, you sometimes just drift off and forget what gem you'd discovered.
"I know where I'd heard the voice from before," I suddenly announced, waking Helen.
"What?" asked Helen all groggy. I felt her turn round to look at me, even though the room was dark. With no outside streetlights, there wasn't the outline which I used to get when I lived with my parents.
"Sorry I woke you."
Helen came closer and I could feel her breath on my shoulder. "This isn't like you, so must be important. So, tell me."
"The chair of governors from the meeting earlier. I knew I'd heard the voice before, and it suddenly came to me."
"Oh?"
"She was the person who kept in the dark at meeting Andy and I had at the BAFTAs after party."
"Oh! So, why did she show her face today when she didn't when she spoke to you back then?"
I didn't have an answer to that, nor did Helen. We snuggled up and drifted back to sleep.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 67
Saturday 1st April 2006
"A quick word before breakfast," said Mr Hobson to the full dining room. It was very unusual for him to make any announcements at the weekend. "As you are aware, today is the first day we will be operating the shuttle service to local shopping areas. Today's destination is Luton. Can I have a show of hands who is planning to use this service."
That was a silly question as the room was full of raised hands.
"Perhaps that was a bad question. Hands down. Now, those who don't plan to go, raise their hands."
There wasn't a single hand in the air.
"When Ofsted made their recommendation Ms Toms investigated a method for self-service checkouts of travel PDAs for transferring your profile. One wasn't available. However, a software update was found where the profile doesn't need to be synced. Therefore, each person can have a travel PDA stored in their bedroom ready for trips outside the school. No more waiting on David or Ms Toms to do the transfers. These will be handed out by Ms Toms after breakfast."
This was met by warm applause.
"There is a hope that with some tech advancements being discussed, that either next year or the year after, you will have a device that will work both inside and outside the school.
"Since you all want to have the day out, there will be a coach leaving at 9am. With no teachers on it, a single coach will fit all pupils. A minibus request service will leave once an hour if you desire to leave later. You will be dropped off and collected at the bus stop outside the Galaxy Centre. For those that don't know Luton, the main shopping mall is a two-minute walk. Collections will be on a request basis, or if a minibus is going into Luton. Final collection will be at 4pm unless a good excuse for staying later is lodged with me.
"Anybody who abuses the system will forfeit this privilege for two weeks and other punishments might be levied for serious infractions. You are a pupil at Hayfield; I expect you to represent the school with your common sense and high standards of behaviour."
After we finished breakfast and streamed out of the dining room, Ms Toms was waiting with five boxes of PDA. Each PDA was in a bag with our names on it, setup based on our old travel version.
"So," said Emma sliding up to me as I pocketed my new travel PDA. "Are you going to get changed and go as Jayne?"
I smiled to myself. I thought this might have come up during breakfast, but for some reason it hadn't. I tried to be tactful. "Not this time. I've just got back from a month of being Jayne."
"That's great," interrupted Paula, putting her arm around Emma and steering her away. "We'll see you on the coach."
"What was that about?" asked Helen, having at last got her travel PDA.
"I think Emma still sees me as being in denial."
"Ah, she thought you should go to Luton as Jayne?"
I nodded and resisted sighing.
Helen slipped her hand into mine and said, "I'm happy whatever way you want to be. It will be nice to do some things with all ten of us, but I'd like to spend some time where it's just you and me."
I smiled at that, my heart glowing at her words.
April in the UK is a time of showers. The cold of winter makes way for a time when the weather doesn't know what to do. Some days it is cold, and others slightly less cold. Therefore, we were all wearing raincoats as we climbed onto the coach. There was no jostling for position, like when I went on the flight to Scotland. We all knew where we would sit.
I'd flown from Luton airport, so since I didn't expect the trip to the town centre to be much different, I let Helen have the window seat.
"Everybody, remember where we parked," said Graham, the driver who'd driven the coach this morning.
Martha groaned. "I thought I'd got away from Star Trek quotes when Wesley went back to America."
We all laughed and piled out of the coach. I paused and looked around in amazement. That didn't last long as I was gently steered away so not to block others leaving the coach. Luton centre was nothing like Milton Keynes, or when we went to London. It had an older look and, in some respects, more tired. But the bustle in the square was what was catching my attention. It was a stream of people moving and jostling. Fascinating.
"Let's go into the Mall," suggested Paula.
It didn't take us long to find that this wasn't the same scale or quality as Milton Keynes shopping area. There were signs up about some refurbishment to the entrance we'd just come through and they were going to change the square.
We strolled slowly through the central aisle of the mall and found there wasn't much there. The biggest interest was the small indoor market at the far side, but that we'd examined in little time. The shopping centre was a lot smaller than Milton Keynes and if the shop fronts designated the size, they were also a lot smaller than the ones in Milton Keynes.
"Why don't we grab a milkshake," Helen suggested as we neared a little eatery. It wasn't closed off like a lot of cafes, and a quickly agreed as did the others. It was situated by what looked to be the lifts from the carpark I knew was above us. From one side, there was a constant stream of people beginning or ending their shopping journey and on the other side, a view of the main thoroughfare where people were dashing about their day.
Over our drinks, there was a discussion about what we were going to do. We'd decided that a group of ten was too big. There was a huge variation on what we wanted to do, and we didn't really want to draw too much attention by going around as a big gang.
"Do you want another drink?" Helen asked, as the rest of our year group disappeared.
"Sure," I agreed. "Though can I have the banana milkshake this time?"
As Helen went to the counter, I watched as people milled around. It was all so different. Where I'd grown up was a large village, rather than a town. We had a few shops, and for anything more we went to the town a few miles away, which didn't even have the range Luton had. With no money, it wasn't something I did very often.
In the village where my parents lived, the people were mostly white. Here there were people of many races and how they acted seemed to vary. We'd only just come back from Iran, where I'd seen some interaction and how society acted, but what I was seeing here wasn't anything like I'd seen in Iran. Yes, there were women wearing hijabs, but the family dynamic appeared different. Perhaps different Muslim countries had different behaviours. Thinking back, the way we behave in the UK is similar, but not the same as when we were in France.
"What do you see?" enquired Helen, as she put the milkshakes on the table in front of us.
"What do you mean?" I didn't take my eyes off the flow of people.
"While the others were around, you weren't keeping up with the conversation. You kept glancing at the crowds. I just wondered what you saw. It's really good how you see things that others don't. I just wondered if you could share with me."
I'm sure that my heart must have skipped a few beats. Helen wasn't upset, but was interested in what I was doing, and wanted to share. She wanted to be part of my world.
But how do I explain it? It was only watching people, so I'd know when I was in danger of getting beaten up, did I learn to understand what I saw. It was like a hidden language that we all talked but never heard. And then there was the bits how interaction changed things. A person could be really nice, but when mixed with friends could suddenly turn and attack.
"If you look at that man in the hoodie by the perfume shop."
"The one who just checked his watch?"
"Yes, that's him. Well, he turned…" I trailed off as I saw somebody that I recognised coming from the corridor that led from the carpark.
"What?" enquired Helen.
I nudged her and pointed to the person I'd seen. I heard Helen gasp and knew she recognised him too. Louis Jumelet.
If a teacher was meeting in person, that would be why there wasn't an electronic trace. But some of the things, like the phone call to my mother can't have been a personal meeting. Very strange.
I got up to follow, and Helen urgently whispered, "Be careful, there are security cameras everywhere. We can't be seen to be following him."
"Let's follow behind and see where he goes. We can carry on past."
"That's a plan," she agreed, leaving her drink behind. "Didn't Mr Taylor say he was wanted? I wonder if he is wanted in the UK, or if there is a European arrest warrant out for him."
"Ring Mr Taylor as we go along. If he is wanted, perhaps he knows a way to tip the police off without it coming back on the school. Also, be careful; he knows your face."
Helen turned slightly pale, but she didn't leave my side. Louis didn't appear to be on the lookout for anybody following. He was sauntering down the mall like it was a nice Saturday trip out. Helen was soon off the phone.
"Two things. One, yes, he is wanted, and two, Mr Taylor has a friend on the force who he knows has history with Monsier Jumelet. I've no idea how long they will take for the police to turn up though."
The quarry turned into a coffee shop, and we continued down the mall. We looked in as we went past, but all we saw was him stood at the counter. He was alone. Not soon after, we saw Andy and Stacy in a phone shop, which I pointed out to Helen. We quickly went in.
"Hi," I murmured, saddling up to them. Helen was looking out of the shop window. "Doesn't the school give you a device?"
"We leave soon," said Andy, pointing out the obvious. "We were just seeing what's available."
Stacy turned around and beamed a smile at me. That disappeared when she saw Helen and I glancing out of the window. "What's going on?"
"Do you remember the name Louis Jumelet?"
"The chap that kidnapped you in Iran?" she confirmed. "He's here?"
Helen nodded and her phone rang. Hearing one side didn't make any sense, apart from her giving Louis's location.
When she finished the call, we all looked at her expectantly. "The main police station is only up the road. Mr Taylor's contact was very happy to get the tip and multiple teams are on the way.
"So, which phone do you think is better?" Andy asked, as we kept a discrete look. We didn't want to seem that we weren't shopping.
"I've heard good things about the Nokia," I said looking at the ones Andy was pointing out. "The Blackberry one is too work orientated. At uni you won't be using the phone like you do at school."
"All good points," mused Stacy. "But the Blackberry has a nicer feel."
"Oh no," uttered a horrified Helen.
We all looked out to see Anna and Jill going into the coffee shop. A few moments later Louis Jumelet rushed out of the door.
"Police, Stop! Louis Jumelet … police stop!" I heard yelled and saw two police officers.
Louis didn't stop but ran. The four of us quickly left the shop to see the action. We weren't alone. Hearing a kerfuffle was always a beacon for people to watch what was happening. This was no exception, and nicely hid our specific interest. Running in a busy shopping mall isn't the easiest thing to do. As soon as you get any speed, you are running into somebody. And that is exactly what happened. He crashed into a young woman and landed on the floor.
As Louis tried to get up, so did the young woman he'd crashed into, catching him on his chin. He went down again. There had been police coming from both ends of the mall, and they quickly arrived on the scene and bound him in handcuffs.
Looking around, I saw Anna and Jill head back inside the coffee shop. They'd seen the arrest.
"Do you want a coffee?" I suggested to them all, thinking it was a good excuse to have a chat with Anna and Jill.
"Under normal circumstances, I'd be all for it, but I think Anna gets nervous around us. I think they'd open up more if it was just the two of you."
I didn't like it, but I understood. Stacy and Andy were leaving in a few months, and it was nice spending some time with them. "See you later."
As we walked in, I said, "You talk to them; I'll get the drinks. Give me a shout if they want a fresh drink."
The counter was quiet, so I got served straightaway.
"What'll it be, sir?"
I smiled. I'd got called sir. This must have been a first. "A coffee and a hot chocolate."
"What type of coffee? Cappuccino, Latte, Flat White, Americano or Mocha?"
"Huh?"
He took pity on me. "I take it this is your first time having a nice coffee?"
I nodded sheepishly.
"It's quiet, so here is a cheat sheet." He produced a cardboard menu, that included diagrams of different coffees and what was in them.
"Thanks," I murmured, quickly scanning it. "So, it's mostly the same amount of coffee, but just different ways the milk is done?"
"Mostly. You can have more than one shot of coffee if you want, but since this is new, I wouldn't recommend it. Why don't you have a latte. It has a slightly milkier taste than a cappuccino. That has more froth, so even though it has the same coffee, it tastes stronger."
I handed back the menu. "So, one latte and one hot chocolate."
"You can add a flavoured syrup to the coffee, such as caramel or vanilla. It's optional."
"No, just a straight latte. It will give me a good starting position."
"That it will. Oh, do you want cream and sprinkles on the hot chocolate?"
"Please."
I paid and waited at the side for the drinks to be made. This was all new and wasn't something I learnt at school. Education in life. This was something that had been mentioned to me a few times, but I'd not really understood. When we'd gone to Paris, I'd learnt how to behave in a nice restaurant. Today, I'd learnt there was more to coffee than just coffee. What else did I need to learn?
I eventually got the two drinks and joined the other three. They broke off their chat as I slid into the chair next to Helen.
"Before you ask, we're good," said Jill. Anna nodded in agreement.
"It was a bit of a shock seeing him again, but when we saw him caught by the police, we knew we were safe. Though we were shocked by who he was with."
"Who?"
"Mrs Poole."
"Our geography teacher?"
"I phoned it in," Helen mentioned. "She must have slipped away while we were watching the arrest."
Mrs Poole?! My mind boggled. She wasn't on my list of suspects. She wasn't on the trip to France, so how did she know to contact Jessica's parents to let them know we were in the diner? Was there a second person?
* * *
"So, what's up?" Helen asked when we got back to the school. We'd got back just after a lunchtime tenpin bowling at the Galaxy centre. It had been the whole year playing and was probably the highlight of the day.
"Coffee." I responded. At Helen's wondering look, I continued. "I need to understand."
"Understand what?"
I had to admit, Helen was very patient with me. At this moment I'm not sure my thoughts made sense to her. I'm not sure they made sense to me. Yet I had this urge. An idea had crept into my mind towards the end of the tenpin bowling, and it had been lurking there ever since. Andy and coffee. Yet I don't think I'd ever had a coffee with Andy.
Before joining Hayfield I'd never had a coffee. I knew it was a drink, and one my parents drank, but it was nothing I'd tried before Hayfield. Since starting here, I'd only had a coffee a few times and had only started to get used to the taste. Yet today's trip to Luton had caused strange thoughts to dance in my mind.
"Can we go to the kitchen? Perhaps they can help."
"For them to make you a coffee?"
"Perhaps, but I don't think so. I just need to understand more."
"Lead on," she smiled putting her arm through mine. "I hope they can help."
The kitchen didn't have the same activity level as the time that Helen and I helped make the pudding. I spied Justin wiping down one of the preparation areas. He spotted us as we approached.
"Hello," he said, stopping what he was doing. "What can I do for you?"
"Sorry if we are disturbing you, but would you, or someone else in the kitchen, have a few moments to answer some questions I have on coffee?"
"Now, that's a request I've never heard before. Two moments."
He went across and had a word with Donna. I remembered her when she assisted Andy and Stacy with their dessert. It wasn't long before he was with us.
"So, what do you want to know about coffee. The way you phrased it wasn't that you wanted a coffee."
"We can come back later if we're causing issues for tonight's meals."
"Most of the prep work is done, and Donna has the rest all under control. She is the sous-chef, so is perfectly capable without me berating her."
I filed that away for later thought. It sounded like there was some sort of hierarchy with job titles. Sous was French for under. I presume she was the second in charge under Justin. I wonder what the other titles were for the other cooks beavering away in the background.
"When we were in town earlier, I went to Costa. The way they made the coffee was a lot different to how we have it here. In the dining room we have an urn of coffee, and we can add cold milk and sugar. There, they seemed to cook the milk. It had a different taste, and I thought you might be able to explain."
"In a kitchen, it is more about the food rather than the drinks. If you asked someone in a restaurant they might be offended and refer you to the bar. Here we do both, so you've come to the right place. Let me grab a few things."
I glanced at Helen. "Why do I get the feeling this is going to be a bigger subject than I thought."
Helen shrugged. "If it helps you, great. If not, we will understand a lot more than when we came in."
Justin soon reappeared with a box. The first thing he did was pull out four apples. What did apples have to do with coffee?
Justin proceeded to cut two samples off each apple and offered them to us to taste. We did as he directed.
"They taste different. The second one was quite a lot stronger than the others and tasted almost bitter."
"I like the first one best," said Helen. "It seemed to have more flavour. A nicer taste."
"That is a Gala. Come back in September, and I will have a much larger range for you to try. These are all imported. Sorry, I'm going off track a bit. All four of these are apples, but they are different varieties. They have different tastes and different strengths. It is the same with coffee. There are different varieties of coffee beans from different parts of the world. They have different flavours."
"Okay," Helen and I uttered.
"The coffee beans are roasted. This brings out the flavour and taste. There are different roasting types from light to dark and several steps in-between. The darker the roast, the less difference there is between beans; you're tasting more of the roasting process.
Justin removed a tin from the box and opened the lid. I got the whiff of coffee. He sprinkled a bit on a plate.
"The roasted coffee is then ground up. It is this ground coffee that is used to make your drink. Now this is where things differ between the coffee you have at school and what you experienced today. Here we brew the coffee. The coffee shop uses espresso. The output is a cup of coffee, but the method to create it is slightly different and the result tastes different. One isn't better than the other. You can get a cup of really nice coffee either way."
"Here we pass hot water through a basket of ground coffee into the urn. The urn holds enough for about thirty cups of coffee. That's why we have three urns. Some people don't function well without coffee in the morning, and I'm not talking about pupils!"
Donna came up carrying a tray with three small glasses full of dark coffee.
"Perfect timing!" exclaimed Justin. "Thank you."
Donna went back to the heart of the kitchen and Justin continued. "This is an espresso. Try it with no milk or sugar. It might be a bit strong, but it'll give you some idea of the base coffee."
I tasted, expecting it to be bitter, but it had quite a gentle smooth taste.
"It is more lightly roasted, so a smoother taste. We have an espresso machine here, but it's rarely used for making drinks. We'd be there all day. No, we use it when recipes need coffee."
"In the coffee shop there were different coffees. Latte, cappuccino etc."
"There are two main ingredients. Espresso and milk. We've covered the espresso. Hot air is pushed into the milk causing it to heat. If the hot air is of high enough pressure the milk bubbles and creates a froth. All the drinks they make are just variations on the amount of steamed milk vs froth, and where the items are in the cup. A latte is layered as espresso, mostly steamed milk and a small amount of froth at the top. Where a cappuccino has slightly less steamed milk and more froth. The biggest difference is a latte macchiato which has steamed milk at the bottom, then the espresso and finally the froth."
"And do they taste different?"
"If done correctly, yes."
"Okay, so if I get this right. The taste of the coffee is dependent on the type of bean, how it is roasted and then how the drink is mixed?"
"That about sums it up," Justin agreed. "But at the end of the day it is still coffee. Some days you might want it plain, dark and mysterious. Other days you might want a latte. There is a coffee for most moods."
"But it is still coffee." A smile came over my face. "Thank you. You've been really helpful."
"I'm glad to help. Now run along and enjoy the rest of the day."
As we walked back into the hall, Helen remarked. "It's like a lightbulb suddenly lit above your head."
"I feel like things make sense now. It doesn't matter if the coffee is brewed like we have at school, or an espresso like I had at the shops. It is still coffee."
"But what is making you all excited?"
I stopped and Helen quickly stopped too. I looked at her with earnest. "I am coffee."
Helen looked puzzled. She wasn't getting it. I explained the link.
"Ahh," Helen uttered, realisation breaking out like the sun appearing from behind a dark cloud. "So where to next? Rachel?"
"No, I need to get these thoughts in order first. I'll probably talk to her about this next week. If you don't mind, can we go to our bedroom. I need to see if I can work things out a bit more."
"You're actually agreeing to see Rachel?" queried Helen sounding incredulous.
"I think that when I've understood myself enough, it would put her mind at rest."
Monday 3rd April 2006
"You've been smirking since we've got up," I complained. We'd had our run, showered and were on the way to the year leader meeting with Mr Hobson. "What's going on?" I looked down at my shirt making sure I'd put the buttons in the right holes.
"I'm just happy, that's all."
"Mmm," was my only answer. I knew I wasn't getting the whole story, but deep down was happy that Helen was happy.
"Hi," I said as we walked in. Helen closed the door as we were the last.
I got looks of surprise from some in the room. Stacy just giggled.
"What?" I complained, checking that my trouser zip was fastened. All was good, so it wasn't that.
"Your voice has broken," Helen informed me.
I shrugged and sat down. It was something I knew was happening based on the wobble the other day.
"Most of you have probably heard rumours about an event that occurred on Saturday during the trip to Luton. To summarise, one of the people who kidnapped four of our students in Iran was spotted and the police were informed since there was a warrant for his arrest. He tried to run in a busy shopping mall and bumped into a shopper. The police caught up with him, and he was arrested."
There wasn't a sound from any of the six students in the room. This wasn't news for any of us.
"He was meeting a contact from Hayfield. The police went to her house to arrest her but found her dead. Mrs Poole had committed suicide."
"The geography teacher?" Susan queried, quite shocked.
"One in the same. Security is investigating how this occurred and will vet all the teachers and assistants again. I'd like you to inform your year groups. I won't be announcing this at breakfast. Do any of you have any questions?"
None of us did.
"I'll leave you to update your years. Oh, can Stacy, Helen and David remain for a moment."
Soon it was just the three of us, looking at Mr Hobson, wondering why we'd been asked to stay longer.
"Thank you for the way you handled this situation. I'm very proud at how sensible you all were."
The three of us gave a collective shrug. We didn't know what to say to that.
"I personally spoke with Mr Poole. He had no idea what his wife had done. Now you probably were wondering about the leak that happened in France. It seems they went to Paris while we were there. He thought she had been doing a set of parents a favour by letting them know where their children were. I let him keep that memory. He has lost enough without thinking any worse of his now dead wife."
"Thank you for telling us that," said Helen. "We were concerned that because she wasn't connected to the French trip that there might have been somebody else involved."
As we turned toward the year rooms, I said, "It looks like I might need female voice lessons, after all."
"You'll be told to wait a few weeks," informed Stacy. "Let your voice settle first. That way you don't hurt it."
"Thanks." I smiled and we split to go to our separate ways. "Helen, can you break the news. I don't want my changed voice to distract with the news we need to give. Also, Lewis might get frantic if we are late for breakfast."
"No problem," she said giving my hand a squeeze. "I love you, David."
The news didn't take long to impart, and we were all in the dining room slightly earlier than normal. It wasn't every day that there was a new member of the support staff, and we all knew she would be greeted. That took time and we knew there were certain people, across all years, who really liked their meals. I noticed a new lady sat with Rachel at the year three table. We would normally have had Rachel, but instead we had Mr Hobson. This was the second meal in a row that he'd eaten at our table. I looked again and noticed it was the woman that Louis Jumelet had crashed into, and who had knocked him down again when he tried to get up. She shot up in my esteem.
When everybody was seated, I noticed Stacy rise. Others must have noticed, as the room suddenly fell quiet. "T.S. Elliot said, ' Every moment is a fresh beginning'. We'd all like to welcome Dr Hilda Saunders to our school and hope she finds her time with us a fresh beginning. I'd also like to thank her for what she did on Saturday."
The whole school rose to their feet and applauded. As we were clapping, I leaned across to Tim at the neighbouring table and whispered, "She stopped the person who kidnapped us in Iran."
I saw the whisper spread quickly and by the time we finished clapping there wasn't a student who was looking at her with anything but the utmost respect. Dr Saunders looked confused by the comment about Saturday but would probably ask somebody about it later.
"Okay, enough," said Mr Hobson and we all sat down. "So that Dr Saunders can get to know you all quickly she will be scheduling some time with each of you. Top of her list are pupils Dr Dine normally supports."
As breakfast drew to a close, Brian piped up, "Are you okay David. You've not said a word all day."
"Yeah, Helen told us all the news this morning," said Erika. "That isn't like you."
I looked up and the others on the table. Mr Hobson was sat back, watching this unfold. All the rest of my year were looking at me expectantly. Well almost all the year. Helen looked torn. She knew the situation and we knew we didn't want a fuss in the dining room. The last time that occurred, Jessica had thrown a tantrum and all the pupils had looked on. I didn't want to be a spectacle for the whole school.
"David will explain back in the year room, after we've finished." Helen offered.
Mr Hobson offered his tuppence. "Well, you better finish breakfast quickly. You don't want to be late for your first lesson. Do you? Remember you have some exams soon."
"We will clear the table," said Tim from year three. Since he was the year leader, he'd been in Mr Hobsons office and knew about my voice breaking.
"Thanks," said Helen, flashing her a smile.
It wasn't long before we were back in our year room. Brian was straight out with, "So, what's going on."
"Nothing going-" I started but was soon interrupted.
"Your voice has broken," said Lewis, his eyes wide open. "I'm so jealous."
"Will the male hormones you're receiving help with your voice?" Erika asked.
"That's what I've been told," Lewis stated, trying to make his sound lower. It didn't come out as desired and sounded weird.
I looked across at Martha and Emma. Those are the ones I was concerned about. Martha seemed fine. However, Emma was crying hard, and was being cuddled by Paula.
"Is it David's voice?" suddenly asked Jill passing a big box of tissues to Paula
Emma nodded and grabbed a tissue and loudly blew her nose.
"You're on blockers," Paula reminded her partner. "It won't happen to you."
I went across and put my arm around Emma. "You are Emma. That is who you are and who you will be forever. I'm..." I paused. I nearly said that I was coffee, but that would just have confused her. I'm glad Helen got the analogy. "I'm me. If you call me David or Jayne, I'm me. I'm still trying to understand what that means and what I need. However, there is one thing I'm sure about is that I don't want to transition, and Rachel agrees. For me, I'm glad that my voice has broken. For you, it will never happen, and you will be Emma forever."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 68
Thursday 6th April 2006
It wasn't until Thursday that I got to sit down with the newest member of the support staff. Erika and Martha told me she seemed easy to talk to. So I was quite relaxed when I went to see her.
"Please take a seat," she said, indicating the settee.
"Thank you, Dr Saunders."
She wasn't in Dr Dines room but was in the room that I'd seen Dr Ellen Hansen use the one time I'd visited her. The settee might have been the same that Ellen had used, but the room had been moved around. There were two single recliners facing the settee. Totally different from the type of chair Rachel used.
I sat down and looked across as Dr Saunders took station on her recliner. She gazed across at me where I sat, my hands in my lap waiting for her to talk. After several seconds, she raised her right eyebrow. I patiently waited for her to make the first move.
"Thank you for coming to see me," she eventually started. "And as you do with all the other psychiatrists here, I'd prefer you to call me Hilda. Is that okay?"
"Yes," I nodded, in acceptance.
"Great. Now, I'm trying to meet the pupils before ploughing through the files. Make my own first impression. This isn't a therapy session. It's just a break the ice session where you can ask me questions and I can ask you a few too."
I waited, just as Stacy had taught me.
"So, tell me about Hayfield Manor."
That wasn't in the top five in my list of opening lines that I thought she would ask.
"The main building was built in 1723. The west wing was changed in 1787."
I talked for a few minutes about the building, and she sat patiently listening to me. When I stopped, she smiled and asked, "Are there any secret passages?"
"Probably, but if everybody knew where they were, they wouldn't be secret, would they?"
"Very good," she laughed, but the tone was rather pointed. "You've managed to avoid telling me anything about the school, by telling me about the building."
She enquired, "What do you already know about the school?"
She looked a bit sad. "Virtually every pupil I've talked to, seems to want to know what I already know. It's like there might be secrets that they don't want to discuss."
"Some pupils find it hard to trust someone that is new. Even for us in year one, we've had months to learn to trust support staff with feelings we ourselves don't sometimes want to think about. I know of two pupils that were raped before joining the school, and several that suffered mental abuse."
The new psychiatrist looked at me rather surprised. "That was a rather blunt statement."
"It seems I've gone from avoiding a topic to being rather forceful." I didn't apologise.
"It might have been a blunt statement, but it was straight to the heart of the situation. So, what do I know about the school? Before I joined, I was told it was a unique educational boarding school where the pupils were intelligent but didn't thrive in their old school. I was told that some of the pupils were LGBT. I wasn't informed, until I arrived on Monday, that the school assisted when a pupil needed to transition and, against the UK standards of care, provided cross-sex hormones."
"And you're okay with that? Doesn't it go against your teaching?"
"You're getting close to the boundary on what I think is an appropriate question, but I will answer. I was shown documents on the school treatment plans, the checks and balances, and the outcomes. After that, and some soul searching, I agree for those that have been diagnosed to the high standards set by the school, then it is the best course.
She continued, "I will give you something personal. My ex-boyfriend is now called Eve, and she is one of my best friends. I saw what it was like for her to get the appropriate treatment, and how some people treated her. If people have a safe environment to transition and become the person they should be, then why would I object?"
I reflected on what she said. In my mind, if it was true, and not a line, it showed a certain faith. But just because she knew a transsexual, it doesn't follow that she would be able to be objective on all our different issues.
"When I walked into the room, you recognised me."
"Rather like you recognised me at breakfast. I don't know what you whispered to the person on the neighbouring table, but that whisper spread like wildfire around all the tables."
"And since then, you've chatted with quite a few students. Didn't you ask any of them?"
"There seems to be a collective amnesia on what was said. Perhaps you could enlighten me."
"It was quite straightforward. I mentioned what I'd seen you do on Saturday. If you deliberately moved to stop him, I'm unsure. However, I am sure you deliberately knocked him down again in a way that the police thought was accidental."
She gave a slight smile. She was trying to work me out.
"Do you mind if I ask you a question?" I enquired.
"Always. Discussions with me is always a two-way street."
"When you saw me on Saturday, I doubt it was for very long. We weren't between the phone shop and coffee shop for long. Without using your knowledge of who we are now, can you describe your impressions of me and the people I was with? "
Dr Saunders thought for a minute and sighed. "I don't think that's fair. As you said, it was only for a moment."
"It's only what your impression was. Are you frightened of articulating it, because you think you might upset me? What if your impression makes me happy?" I paused and decided to skirt around it a bit. "What about the people with me, can you describe them?"
She must have thought this was safer ground. "You were with a male and female in their late teens, and a female who looked your age."
"For a fleeting glance, you have quite a memory."
"I'm sure you've been told this before, that a psychiatrist is supposed to be detached. Our thoughts or points of view aren't supposed to come into the conversation. I'm here to be impartial, listen to what you say and perhaps suggest ways to look at a problem. There is an old saying – 'Don't judge a book by its cover'. Yes, I might have had some impressions, but I think looking at the contents is much more enlightening."
"Sorry if I caused conflict," I apologised. "I'm used to dealing with Rachel."
"Would she have answered your impressions question?"
I paused to reflect. "Probably not. You've not reviewed my file yet? "
"No. As I said earlier, I like to make my own thoughts based on our discussion. I can then compare them with what's in the file."
I thought for a moment. It would have been very easy for Dr Saunders to say she had seen me as male. However, she seemed to prefer to avoid telling a lie, even if it meant blatantly telling me she wouldn't answer.
"You already know I'm called David. I was born male, but it seems I've always come across as female. This made my time at my previous school precarious. I think I'm the first at this school where I ended up as a study partner with someone I already knew. Helen went to the same school as me."
"I've been here four days and I'm not blind. How many in the school use the term study partner and not just partner?"
"Probably none. We start as study partners, but-" I tailed off. I didn't need to go into specifics. I probably blushed a bit, which told her all she needed to know.
"What do you think is the best thing about the school?"
I thought and it was almost a minute before I managed to decide how to phrase what I thought I needed to say. "Besides the music, and the standard of education, I would have to say the care and support. Not just from the visible and invisible staff, but the other students."
"Invisible staff?"
"Caretakers, cooks, cleaners etc. Without them the school wouldn't run. They're just as important as the teachers, and support staff. I've met two of the kitchen staff, but no caretakers or cleaners, yet I know they exist."
"I heard the orchestra practice the other day. I stood in the wings and listened. I was very impressed. Yet I'm told that you have done your concerts and won't be doing another until next school year. So why do you still have orchestra practice?"
"Music is the heart of the school. It is something we do together, as the whole school. To me it makes my soul sing. Music relaxes me, and it gives us all a common purpose. It instigates teamwork, which many in year one might not have had."
"That sounds almost a prepared answer."
"Not really. I know it sounds old, but we're encouraged to think, and ask questions. I was held back at my previous school, where bullies would beat up others who were more intelligent.
"You mentioned that at your previous school you had issues because even though you were male, people perceived you as female. What have you done about that since joining this school?"
"I've spent time in a female role, but that didn't feel right. I've had male lessons to help me portray as male. Again, it didn't feel right. But when I'm just me I'm happiest, unless somebody calls me Jayne. That is when it hurts the most. I also struggle to talk about my feelings on that subject. It's hard to discuss, when you don't understand why you feel the way you do."
I looked down. I felt my heartbeat starting to rise, as I remembered back to the time just before the Russian trip. I don't know why, but I started to talk about my year so far, it started to feel cathartic.
I continued, still looking down. "The conflict I had, led me to get into a vicious circle. I lied to Helen and told her I was okay, when I wasn't. As I gradually felt worse, I found I couldn't tell her the truth, as I was only a little worse than the previous day. When I hit rock bottom, I felt I couldn't tell anybody, and planned to kill myself. My distress was noticed by a few in my year, and they stopped me."
I paused and after a few seconds ventured to look up. I expected to see a look of revulsion, or a look of shock; but she was sat there with the same expression as earlier.
"What did you learn from that?"
"Not to lie, or keep secrets, especially from your partner. It is hard when you have lived your life hidden in your bedroom to not get beaten up."
"Has that lesson stuck?"
I gave a slight sigh. "Yes, though I did learn a painful lesson that no secrets shouldn't just apply to my life with Helen. Sometimes keeping things bottled up just causes confusion and invalid conclusions."
For the first time I saw slight signs of puzzlement on Dr Saunders face.
"Polyamorous."
That got a raised eyebrow, in a similar fashion to what Rachel does when she was surprised. I wondered if that was training or just a spooky coincidence.
"Just so that I don't get anything wrong, do you mind me asking whom?"
"Stacy and I have feelings for each other. Helen and Andy have feelings for each other. To me, Andy is just a good friend. Since sex at this school is forbidden, and Helen and I are underage, nothing can happen. I don't think many pupils at the school know. The support team do, and I'm sure you will read it when you peruse our files. Dr Sue was also told, so Andy and Stacy could visit Helen, when she was in hospital."
"What would you say the biggest help you've had, besides the suicide issue?"
"I felt sick when I thought that sex was a possibility. In fact, I vomited a few times. It took quite a while to discover what made me feel ill and even longer to fully understand why. What I regard as 'selfish arousal', such as masturbation, still affects me. But I've realised that sex is a shared experience that we both enjoy and isn't selfish. I don't have the same bad reaction for something not selfish."
"You said so earlier, but I will remind you that underage sex is illegal."
I nodded. "And the school are very forthright about that. Mr Hobson reminding us that the school isn't a brothel, isn't something I will ever forget, or want to hear him mention again."
"Yet you discovered you had this issue about being sick. Can you honestly tell me you haven't had sex?"
"As they say in America, 'I plead the fifth'."
Hilda took a moment to gather her thoughts and then continued. "If I can take things back a bit. You said you didn't like portraying as male or female, but when people mistake you for female when you are just you then you feel the worst. Have you found something that does make you happy? You don't seem sad today."
"On Saturday I had a revelation. It has been something I've been exploring over the last few days. I've not had the chance to mention this to Rachel yet."
"And?"
"I am coffee."
"I see," she uttered. There was a pause. "I think this is going to be quite involved. Why don't I get Rachel? That way, you only need to explain it once. Would you prefer it if Helen or Stacy was with you?"
I glanced up with surprise, and then felt sudden gratitude. "Thank you for including both of them in your idea for support."
"Why don't you contact them, while I ask Rachel."
I knew that Helen was discussing Beta business with both Andy and Stacy. Therefore, a message sent would soon get responded to. We had a chat group that I'd configured to be the four of us, which I sent a message outlining what was going to be discussed. A message was responded almost immediately. "Two minutes."
"Rachel will be with us in a moment," informed Hilda from her chair, putting her PDA away.
"Thank you for the suggestion. I think saying this only once will be a good idea."
It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door. "That's Rachel."
Hilda went and opened the door. It was indeed Rachel.
No sooner than the door had closed there was another knock. "That's Helen."
"How?" murmured Hilda, as Rachel strode into the room.
"David has a knack at recognising door knocks," explained Rachel, as Hilda opened the door to not find just Helen, but Andy and Stacy too.
"Can we all join David?" Helen asked.
"This is something I didn't expect," remarked Hilda.
"It's a first for me too," added Rachel, taking a seat on the spare recliner. "I don't mind, if you don't."
Hilda shrugged and all three of them came in. Stacy sat to my left, and Helen to my right. Andy took one of the hard chairs and sat at the end.
"I'm just here so Stacy doesn't have to repeat it," explained Andy. "We all know the rules and will be quiet while you help David."
Rachel took charge. "David, Hilda mentioned to me that during her 'get to know each other' chat, you mentioned that you'd had a revelation. You'd discovered something that stopped you being upset about people mistaking your gender.
"Yes. I said to Hilda 'I am coffee'."
I felt Helen and Stacy move closer and their arms went around my back.
"That's a new one," said Rachel looking me over, and seeing I was sincere. "I presume that is an analogy?"
"It doesn't matter how the coffee is made or served, it is still coffee. It doesn't matter how I dress, or how I look. I'm still me. I don't have to change who I am because no matter how I look, or how I act, or how I dress, or how others see me; I am me."
I had a head of steam and had to get the rest out. "I know you have said that to me numerous times, and so has Helen, Stacy and Andy, that the school doesn't change the core me. Yet I always had a fear that if I experimented, and did something different from how I grew up, then I would no longer be me. I thought about things over the last few days, and realised my biggest worry was losing control on who I am."
"So, with this revelation, who are you?"
"He's coffee!" chorused Stacy and Helen in unison.
"Yeah, yeah," grumbled Rachel light-heartedly. "So, David. I saw you were dressed as Jayne on Tuesday, and you were very masculine in your presentation yesterday. Was this part of your experimentation? "
I nodded.
"Now you know you are you. Have you found any presentation that makes you happy?"
"Yes." I felt almost giddy saying this.
Helen, Stacy and Andy looked at me in amazement. I'd not told them this. In fact, I'd only just realised it now. Just telling Rachel out loud had brought all my musings of the last few days together.
"Which is?" Rachel queried, leaning forward.
"Everything. It doesn't matter. I'm David Grant. I can present as Jayne, but deep down, I will still be David. I can present as fully male, and I will still be me. I'm not changing who I am. I'm me. I found it hard being Jayne with the wrong voice. When my voice has settled, I'd like help in finding her adult voice. Yesterday it took me a little time to get back into using my male lessons, so got called Jayne a few times before breakfast and even that didn't bother me."
I turned to Hilda. "Sorry, our chat seems to have got side-tracked."
"Not at all. It is good to see what really happens here. I think I'm really looking forward to working here."
I smiled and said, "Welcome to Hayfield Hall."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 69
Sunday 23rd April 2006
After lunch, I was asked to report to Mr Hobsons office. Ad hoc summonses were unusual, and for Helen not to be included, made me thing it wasn't something year related. If it was Beta related, then I'd be seeing Mr Taylor, not Mr Hobson, and probably Stacy would be there too. It was with slight trepidation that I went to see the headmaster. I couldn't think of anything I'd done wrong.
When I got to his office, his door was wide open, and I saw Rachel was there with him. They both looked up when they heard me give a discreet cough at the door.
"Come on in and join us," Mr Hobson called out jovially.
I sat down on the settee and waited. Mr Hobsons attitude seemed to indicate that I wasn't in trouble.
"An opportunity has arisen to test your specialist skills knowledge. A company situated in London has been approached for a week's 'Work Experience'. The head of IT Security is looking forward to you sitting with one of his teams to learn how they work."
He paused to see if I had any questions. I had many, but decided to wait for them to tell me more.
Rachel picked up the conversation. "If I drive you to the train station, would you feel comfortable going into London yourself?"
I thought about it and confirmed I was confident in traveling alone. I'd been to London with Helen, Andy and Stacy, and travelled on the underground by myself, so this wasn't much different. Yet, I'd not been outside of Hayfield alone since... The image of the abduction in Iran flashed through my mind, and I quickly pushed it back. I hoped the momentary mental shudder didn't show.
"This doesn't make sense. Using the train and underground won't be an issue. However, IT Security wouldn't want to discuss their setups with outsiders. Their security would be confidential. Why would you think they would want to show me?"
Rachel looked enquiringly at Mr Hobson, who have a small smile like he knew something that neither of us did.
"You are there to learn what it is like going to work. How to interact with others there. The content is less important, though if you pick up any tricks, I'm sure you will impart them to Ms Toms."
"What's the name of the company, and where abouts in London are they?"
"GWPP Services. They're about a fifteen-minute walk from Euston."
"And what do they do?"
"Why don't you do some research? If you have any more questions, you know where to find me. I'll send the address and your contact via email. Oh, and Ms Toms will have a laptop for you later this evening."
That was a signal to me that this chat was finished. I rose and said, "Thank you, sir."
I noticed that Rachel was beside me as we walked down the corridor. "When you mentioned about the train journey, I had a quick flashback on the abduction."
Rachel was silent, and we kept ambling along. After a few moments she eventually said, "Every event in life, good or bad, impacts us. I'd have been worried if what happened in Iran didn't have some impact."
Just mentioning the issue gave me some relief. I mentioned that.
"Sometimes that's all that is needed. Are you okay to do the journey alone or would you like some company?"
"Can I let you know later?"
"You know how to get hold of me if you need me."
I wandered back to my bedroom. Helen had said she was going to do some revision, so knew she would be in one of the small study rooms off the library. I liked to spread out when I was studying and found the tiny rooms too small.
Alone, I put on some music and switched on my computer. I was soon browsing the internet for this company. Like most companies, it had a website and this one was rather flashy. Yet what they did still eluded me. I started to look elsewhere and came across an article where the CEO had won an award in Italy.
I opened it up and skimmed the article about how a flood had washed away a bridge, which cut off a small town. The company brought in a team which managed a replacement in record time. There were no pictures of the people involved or any other glimpse into the company.
I leaned back in my chair and thought. It didn't make sense to me. Why did Mr Hobson suggest I look up the company if there wasn't anything there? How were they chosen if there wasn't anything about them?
Monday 17th April 2006
I'd thought about wearing a suit when I'd travelled with Ms Toms to Edinburgh but had thought better of it. Today I didn't really have a choice; the company I was going to expected males to wear a suit. Just like my trip to Scotland, I was leaving Hayfield long before breakfast was served, so helped myself to breakfast cereal that were already out.
When I was ready, I found Rachel waiting for me with a car parked outside the front door. "Do you have your travel PDA and your wallet?"
I tapped my pockets to make sure. "Yes."
"Great. Here is your train ticket. Keep it safe or you will have to purchase your ticket back."
I placed it in my jacket pocket and climbed into the car.
Travelling into London wasn't difficult. I'd done it before, but never at rush hour. When I'd gone previously the train was mostly empty and we'd had our pick of seats. Today the train was full, and I had to stand.
The commuter's behaviour was something I hadn't experienced before. The train was packed but was almost silent. There were people reading books or newspapers, some reading emails on their Blackberry. But nobody talked to each other. Nobody struck up a conversation. A train full of strangers, all going to London but nobody caring about each other.
I felt slightly overwhelmed. When we pulled into Euston, I followed the stream of passengers down the platform, through the open barriers into the train station. It was there that the nerves started. I'd got my exams in a month, and yet I was not studying but going on work experience. Why now? Why me? Why this company?
Finding the building wasn't an issue. Yesterday evening, I'd looked at the London A-Z that we had in the school library and seen the route was straightforward. What I did miss though was Andy. Walking along the streets in London invoked thoughts of the time I'd done this with Andy after the Russian trip. Now I was alone.
I walked up to the door, and they slid open. Initially, this felt like a total first and felt lost. Looking around, though, I spied a desk with some people behind it. A reception, just like we had when I went to a hotel. Rachel once said to me "Use what I'd learnt and adapt to new situations". It never felt so true.
"I'm here to see Robert Spencer," I said, hoping I sounded confident.
"And your name?"
"David Grant."
Her fingers tapped on her keyboard. "Yes, I found you. You're here for a week. Please look at the end of the desk."
I did as she instructed and saw a camera. I quickly smiled before I got a "Thank you."
"Here is a security pass," she said, attaching it to the end of a lanyard before passing it to me. "As a visitor, it should be on display all the time while you are in the office. You will need this for passing through the security barriers, and through doors inside the office."
I slipped the lanyard over my head and peeked at the picture. It wasn't very good.
"Please don't lose it," the receptionist continued. "If you do, then please let security know. You will need to hand it back when you leave on Friday. Now, if you take a seat, I will let Mr Spencer know you have arrived."
Waiting is one thing I hated. Waiting when you didn't know what was happening was worse. It reminded me of the wait to hear the punishment after the London trip. Yet today wasn't a punishment, it was the unknown. It was the waiting.
People who worked there coming and going from the building. I saw them go up to a gate and using their security pass it opened to let them through. It reminded me of the gates on the tube. Once they were through, they disappeared round a corner. What was beyond that corner, hidden from view? Only a worker would know.
Time passed, and I waited. What if they'd forgotten about me? What if they didn't want me after all and were just leaving me here? What if I'd not done things correctly? Had I got the correct date? I took a deep breath and pulled myself together. The receptionist had said I was expected. I checked my watch, thinking I'd waited at least an hour, but I saw it had only been fifteen minutes. I had been early and was still before the time I was due there.
I eventually spied a man who appeared to be in his late twenties, or early thirties come towards me instead of towards the security barriers.
"Are you David Grant?" he enquired.
"Yes," I said, standing up.
"Rob Spencer." He offered his hand, and I tentatively shook it. "Let's go up. We have a team meeting first thing, so it's good you're here for that. I believe you're then visiting various departments to get a rough overview of what makes this company tick. Then for the rest of the week you will get a deeper taste of Infrastructure Security."
I followed his lead by pressing the badge reception had given me to the top of the gate. A small sign flashed green, and the Perspex panel swung open to let me in.
"Do you get claustrophobic?" Rob asked as we walked around the corner into the area I couldn't see from reception.
"No."
"Good, as some hate this."
There was a door which slid open as we approached. There was a small area, with another sliding door which remained shut. After a few seconds, with nobody else joining us, the door leading from the entrance lobby slid shut.
It was a few seconds before there was a beep and the inner door slid open.
Quite effective. If someone had jumped over the first security barrier, they wouldn't get through this secure area.
On the way, Rob pointed out where the toilets were, and where the onsite café was. All important things.
"Do you get many school children in for work experience?" I asked as we headed towards the meeting room where I'd meet his colleagues and boss.
"You are the first that I've ever seen," he responded. "There might have been to other departments, but certainly never in IT and I've worked here five years."
I didn't get chance to ask anything else, as we arrived at the meeting room. It was much larger than I expected, with just a few people there, but as I took a seat next to Rob more arrived.
"Hi David, I'm Paul Harrington the head of IT Security."
I looked across at Rob, who smiled at my inquisitive face. "I'm just in charge of the Infrastructure Security. Paul is my boss."
I looked back at Paul and said, "Pleased to meet you. Sorry, this is all new to me."
"It is for us too," Paul said reassuring me. "This is the first time we've had someone for work experience in this department and thought that a wider appreciation of where Infrastructure Security fits in with the broader department would be a worthy start. I believe you are visiting other areas of the business and then back with us later. It looks like everyone's here now, so let me get things started and we will have chance to have a chat over the next few days."
I looked around and saw everybody had laptops in front of them, so I quickly got mine out. I didn't want to look the odd one out.
"Nice laptop," muttered Rob.
It seemed strange making notes on it. I normally used my PDA, but I didn't even want to show my travel PDA. It was too bespoke to show a company like this.
* * *
Rachel picked me up from the station, but the chat was non-existent as I fell asleep on the journey home. I got in just as everyone was going to eat. I'd missed orchestra practice.
"So," asked Helen as we waited for the bell to collect the food. "What was it like?"
The rest of the conversations at the table quickly ended and everybody listened to what I said.
"Interesting. I was quite nervous at the beginning, but I was well looked after. The people going to work on the train are weird though. They don't talk to each other."
"Huh?" came out of Erika's mouth.
"I know, right?" I responded. "They just sat there reading a book or a newspaper. I'm sure I'd have heard if someone had farted."
"Keep it clean," instructed Dan with a slight frown.
I didn't think that farted was unclean but gave a slight nod of acceptance.
"And the company?" Helen asked. "How was that?"
"Interesting. I sat in a few meetings and went to a few different departments to get a picture of what different roles do what. The IT stuff I got on with fine. The finance department was just plain weird."
"Weird?"
"It's probably something I just don't understand. They 'posted' things and setup things called accruals. Perhaps we will learn about things like that when we're older."
"You'll cover things like that in Business Studies next year," promised Dan. "I'm sure then things like that will be a lot clearer."
"So, what did I miss today?" I enquired and the conversation moved away from what I'd been doing.
That night, when we were getting ready for bed, Helen asked about my work experience. "What does the company you're visiting do?"
"I visited three different departments and discussed what each of them do; yet I've still no idea what the company does."
"Perhaps things will be clearer tomorrow?"
"I'm not sure. I'm back in the infrastructure security area tomorrow learning one of the mundane jobs. I'm helping someone analyse log files for intrusion patterns."
"I thought there would be computer programs that did that."
"There are, but there are only so much they can do. There's nothing like scanning them manually. Computer algorithms are being more sophisticated, but until AI gets more advanced boring tasks will still have to be done. So how was your day?"
"Quiet. With only two classes and the rest just revision. You didn't miss anything. Oh, and I've got a meeting tomorrow evening with Andy."
"How's the handover going?"
"Great. Almost finished, which is good because-"
Helen trailed off and I saw she was trying to hold back tears. I moved across and we embraced and sobbed on each other shoulders. Stacy and Andy leaving wasn't something we discussed, as we knew it was painful to both of us.
Tuesday 18th April 2006
Day two of my work experience started just like the first. The train journey was the same, and the people just as uncommunicative. It was less busy, so I got a seat. However, when I tried to talk to the man sat next to me, he looked at me like I was an alien. He muttered a monosyllabic response and that was the end of it.
I'd been instructed that when I got there, to go to the IT department. I was surprised to not be escorted but did as I'd been instructed. Well almost. I stopped by at the staff café and picked up a coffee to take with me. They didn't have as big a range as a proper coffee shop, but it gave me chance to try a different type.
"Morning, David," called out Rob as I walked into his section's office.
"Hi," I responded, suddenly feeling nervous.
"Let me introduce you to Charlie. He is the one who is going to show you the logs. I'd like you to go through them. I hope you have questions after you've finished. Jot down any findings or queries and we will talk after.
We walked across to the back of the area, and a young man in his early twenties was tapping away at a computer.
"Charlie, this is David."
"Hi David," said Charlie, getting out of his chair. "I'm told you know how to read these logs. Let's see how you get on with a big corporate log, rather than your school log. I have a computer setup with access to raw logs, the syslog server, and our custom analyser."
"Come and see me in ninety minutes," said Rob, turning to go back to his desk.
I started looking at the logs, and Charlie sat next to me as I started shifting through the headline details.
"These got mentioned in yesterday's meeting," I mentioned. "Though you weren't there."
"Yesterday I was ill. So, Nicola sat in for me. Anyway, that’s just the high level from the perimeter firewall. Keep digging."
As I trawled through the data, I found internal firewall logs and that data was many times larger than the perimeter. After a few minutes of trawling, I was having trouble visualising the network structure. I started to draw a diagram based on the different subnets I'd found, but after a while I put my pen down and looked across at Charlie. He had a grin on his face.
"Do you have a network diagram?" I asked.
He leaned across and saw my scribble. "Not a bad attempt. I'm sure you would have refined it more if you were on your own, but I like that you asked. Go and see Rob and ask him."
"A setup?"
"You are here to gain experience in work. Rob thought this would be a nice way to show that nobody knows everything, and it is okay to ask. I think he'll be impressed that you did."
I went to see Rob, who looked away from his monitor as I approached. "How's it going?"
"I think I need a better understanding of the network to appreciate the data."
"I agree. Is there anything else that would help?"
"An overview of the company. I've spoken with a few departments, but without an overview the network structure won't make sense. Things like why the network is segmented the way it is."
"Nicely thought out."
Rob picked up his phone and dialled a number. "Are you okay to see David now? ... Yes, he asked ... Okay, I will bring him up."
When he'd hung up, Rob turned to me. "You can leave your coat here but take your laptop and briefcase with you. You will continue looking at the data tomorrow. The rest of today is you learning about the company structure and how the network is designed to meet that vision."
Instead of going up in the lift, we went out of a door, and up the stairs. Where the office was well laid out and smart, the stairs were just painted concreate. I supposed that if there was a fire, you wanted something that wouldn't burn.
When we exited the stairwell, we went into a different world. Where my description of the IT area was smart, this was plush. This wasn't carpet tiles, but a carpet with pile.
"Wow," I uttered.
"This is where big customers come to meet with the company directors. The only person who has an office on this floor is the CEO, Yvonne. She is also the owner."
At the end of the corridor, we went through a door into an office. I was introduced. "Sue, this is David Grant. David, Sue is Yvonne's personal assistant."
"Thanks Rob. I'll make sure that David gets to the infrastructure team after lunch."
After lunch? It wasn't even half-ten. How long did they expect me to be in with the CEO?
Rob disappeared. Sue turned to me and said, "Go straight into the office. Yvonne is expecting you. Close the door behind."
I went in and when I saw Yvonne my brain went into overdrive. So, the CEO of this company is also the Chair of Governors at the school. I closed the door behind me and took out my phone and placed it in bug sweep mode. I didn't want anything I say in here to be overheard.
"Thank you for having me in your company for work experience," I said, moving into the room.
Yvonne saw what I was doing and raised her eyebrows a bit but said in a neutral way. "It's good to see exceptional children early. We can get them interested in working here before they get nabbed by other companies."
My quick scan revealed nothing, and I put my phone away. I sat down on the offered chair opposite her desk.
"Do you often do that when you come into a room?"
I became a bit nervous but thought it would be good to justify myself. "The only reason I did today was because I presumed you would want this chat confidential. I wouldn't have done it with someone that I didn't know."
"How many times have we met?"
"Three times that I know about. The BAFTAs, when we came back from the last concert and today. You might have been at the school concert before we went to Paris, but I don't remember seeing you."
"I kept out of sight at the BAFTA party. So, when did you link me to that?"
"The meeting after the last concert. Your voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it. I worked it out that night."
Yvonne didn't say anything more on that but moved back to our planned conversation.
"You wanted to know about this company. We have two areas we deal with. First the main part of the company is we design and construct buildings. Our second area is we deal with is crisis situations. As a public example, we assisted in getting a bridge rebuilt in Italy when the old one got washed away in a flood."
"Why the high level of security?"
"We have offices in several countries, and some of our customers are governments. They tend to have a high demand for security."
"How does your work at the school relate to your work here."
"It doesn't. That would be unethical. Your school expansion wasn't done by us, but one of our competitors. Anyway, you are here for work experience, not my relationship with the school."
I paused for a moment and looked past Yvonne at the collection of photographs she had on a sideboard. A picture of a young woman caught my eye, who I presumed was Yvonne's daughter, but then I spotted a picture of Mr Taylor. It was several years old, but in my mind, there was no mistaking who it was.
I almost asked if they were family, but I didn't feel it was appropriate. "What type of work experience is this? Generic or future employment?"
"That is a really good question."
Yvonne paused but didn't respond any more to my question. Instead, she reached into a folder and pulled out a sheet of A3 and passed it across the desk. "That is the current company structure. Let me explain the different departments and how they relate."
I listened and made a few notes on my laptop. But for the majority, I just listened and took it in.
* * *
"I've been accepted," said Stacy with glee.
I glanced across at Helen, but she didn't have any more details than I did.
"Accepted?"
"At university. Imperial College has given me an unconditional offer."
I looked across at Andy and saw he was grinning. "I'm also off to Imperial College."
"I bet that's a relief, going to the same university."
"What do you mean, an unconditional offer?" Helen asked.
"Most pupils get conditional offers. They must get so many A levels at certain grades. Such as ABB. It depends on the university and the type of course. Since we already have our A level results, since we did them early, they issued an unconditional offer."
"I thought you would have applied to more than one?"
"We did. We got offers from Leeds and Manchester. But we really wanted Imperial."
"I know it's somewhere in London. But where abouts?"
"You remember that Proms concert we went to? It's just by there."
Thursday 19th April 2006
Yesterday had been tedious. With my knowledge gained on Tuesday of the company and network structure I'd gone through the analysis. It married up with what Charlie had done. So, brownie points for getting it correct, but something nagged at me. It wasn't until the journey in today that I suddenly realised what was wrong.
Rob was running late, an incident at the station his train came into had caused trains to terminate the station before, and the underground from there was now overcrowded. Charlie had signed onto the computer I'd been using, and I started checking the data, while he did the important duty of getting two drinks.
Charlie returned with the coffee, and when he saw the data that I was looking at he exclaimed, "That's from four months ago!"
I nodded and continued to filter and extract to feed into the analysis tool.
"But that's not on your PC. It's also not on the server."
"I grabbed it from your hot backup. What happened three weeks ago?"
He gave me a nervous look. "What do you mean?"
"Three weeks ago, the logging was turned up. That's not something you do on just a whim."
Charlie looked around and whispered. "One of our factory designs turned up in a competitor quote."
That was when I thought I understood why I'd been asked to do work experience. But why me? Why not June? Why not any other commercial security contractor? They would be better than I was!
"Are they sure it is a network breach? Couldn't one of the people here have spilled the beans to the competitor?"
"It's possible, but there have been a few other things which I don't know the details on. You seem very confident. Are you sure you're still at school?"
"I'm still at school," I reassured. "Why don't you get on with your work while I look through the data. See if a separate pair of eyes spots something."
"Please don't access any other servers. If you need something, ask."
For an hour, I tracked through the local data, and didn't find anything strange. There was still no sign of Rob.
"Still no Rob?" I enquired as I passed Charlie while coming back from the toilets.
"There was a crush at the tube station. Too many people off the mainline train trying to get through the ticket hall. He's in hospital."
Rob wouldn't be here to give me different work, so I continued with the logs. It was by chance that I stumbled on my first clue. I'd made a mistake with my query, and instead of excluding the server-to-server data, that's all that was shown. I was about to rerun the correct query when I spotted something strange. There was a lot of access between two servers that I didn't expect.
I sat back and staired at the screen. It didn't change what I saw, but how did it work? I tried to remember back to the conversations I'd had with the infrastructure team, but nothing came to mind. I looked through my notes but saw nothing of relevance.
"How's it going?" asked Charlie, reappearing from wherever he'd been.
"I still can't find anything," I lied, hoping he couldn't hear my heart pounding. I had no idea who might be involved with the data leak and didn't want to tip anybody off. Some work experience this was. "I was wondering, with Rob not around, if you could introduce me to the server team?"
"That was supposed to be tomorrow. Let me see Paul. I'm too junior, but to me it makes sense. "
I quickly removed the evidence of my analysis, just in case.
After finishing with the server team, there was nothing for me to do, so was let out early. The good news was that Rob had been released from hospital and would be back tomorrow.
The walk back to the station was quieter than it was the last few days. In the evening, there is always a bustle of people heading home. But at three in the afternoon, it was quiet. Well quiet for pedestrians. The amount of traffic never diminished.
As I was walking towards the station, I noticed my left shoelace was becoming undone, so stopped to refasten. As I was doing that, I noticed a woman on the opposite side of the road slowed down and glanced in an estate agents window. Coincidence? I remembered something Stacy had once said, "Keep calm. Don't let on that you know you're being followed."
My heartbeat picked up as I stood. I carried on walking at the same speed as I did before. I didn't know if they were following me, or not. I could just be imagining things. And if they were following me, why? A white van approached, and I altered my direction slightly to move further away from the curb. I didn't think I'd be snatched in London, but the white van was a reminder that these things happen.
A Starbucks gave me a chance to test the situation; as well as a chance to try a different coffee. Ten minutes later I was out carrying a caramel macchiato. There was no obvious sign of my tail.
At Euston, seeing only the slow train on the board, I took a seat in the open arena to wait for the fast train. I was just having a sip of coffee and I saw her coming in. Unsure what to do, I decided to call the school. But I was unsure who to ring. I thought about Stacy, but even though she was head student, she was just a student. Mr Taylor was my main beta contact, but this wasn't anything to do with the beta team. That left Rachel and Mr Hobson.
I knew that even if I rang Rachel, Mr Hobson would need to be advised. It would be best to talk direct. I took out my phone, and while going through the contacts, I realised I could take a picture of the woman without it looking like I was. With the picture taken, I sent it to Mr Hobson and immediately dialled him.
"Hi David."
"Sir, I've just sent you an email. I've finished early for the day."
"Hang on. I've not ... scrub that, it's just arrived. I presume you're not taking pictures of pretty women because you want to get into publishing?"
I smiled a bit at his banter. "She was with me from the office to the station, even after I stopped for coffee. It might just be coincidence."
"Get the train to Hemel Hempstead. You will need to get a new ticket. Rachel will be there to meet you. If there is one that leaves in the next ten minutes, miss it. It will give her time to get there. Please be careful."
"Thank you. I'll try."
I sauntered to the ticket office to buy a ticket and went via the toilets to the platform. Since Euston was a terminus, the trains were often sitting there waiting for people to board. So even though my train wasn't leaving for fifteen minutes, the train was waiting. I was seated, and waiting for the train to leave, when I saw the mysterious woman walk past my window. The window reflection showed her getting on at the next carriage door, just behind where I was sat.
The trip to Hemel only had one stop and it didn't seem long before the train was slowing down for my destination. As I got off, I was surprised that the woman didn't follow. Perhaps I was wrong. I felt worried that I'd caused issues unnecessarily. Was I getting paranoid?
Since it was the middle of the afternoon, the train had been mostly empty, and I was the only one that had got off the train. As I went through the gates, I saw Rachel waiting.
"Are you okay?" she asked when I got close.
"Yes, thank you. The woman stayed on the train. I must have been mistaken. Sorry."
"Don't be sorry. It was no hardship for me to come here. It made a nice change. Let's get you back."
When we got to the car, I was surprised it wasn't empty. In the driver's seat was Mr Taylor. I got into the back, and I was surprised when Rachel joined me. I'd expected her to get into the front passenger seat.
I was about to apologise to Mr Taylor, but Rachel indicated I should keep quiet, and we were soon underway. It was my first experience of the Magic Roundabout, but even that experience didn't cheer me up. The silent journey made me feel that I was in trouble.
We'd been on the M1 for about five minutes when Mr Taylor got a call. I was surprised when it came out of the car speaker. "You have a tail. Black Ford Mondeo."
"Don't look around," urgently whispered Rachel.
I did as she asked but wondered how did she know I was going to look? Perhaps it is a standard human reaction.
"I'll use route 3."
"Acknowledged."
And that was that. The call was terminated.
"It looks like your instincts were correct," called out Mr Taylor from the front.
I sighed. This wasn't what I wanted. After we got back from the last concert and the abduction, it appeared that Mr Hobson wanted to wrap me in cottonwool. I was pleased that he didn't seem to have an issue with me going to London; and now this. Would he get nervous about me going out again? I knew I wouldn't be going back tomorrow.
"It seems it is more complete work experience than I initially expected," I responded.
That got a chuckle from Mr Taylor and a frown from Dr Ruiz. I thought that Mr Taylor would put his foot down and try to lose the person following us. He didn't. He kept at a steady speed as if nothing was happening.
"I thought you would have sped up?" I enquired, taking this as a time to learn.
"We want to lose them, but make it look like they lost us by accident. It we went fast, it would put us all in danger, and Mr Hobson would be most displeased."
I smiled at the phrasing. Displeased indeed.
Mr Taylor made it seem simple. The road from the motorway to Dunstable was littered with traffic lights. It wasn't long before the car following us got held up. No danger to us, no danger to others. Just thoughtful driving and we got away. It certainly wasn't like in the movies.
With our tail gone, we turned for home and it was with relief that the gates swung majestically open. When we'd passed through, I called "Can we stop please."
"Sure," responded Mr Taylor, sounding slightly puzzled.
I turned around and watched the gates close. I felt a sense of relief. I was home. The gates were closed. I was safe.
Mr Taylor was watching me and gave a small smile when he saw me relax. He didn't need to be told and drove on to the building.
"Let's go and see Mr Hobson," suggested Rachel when we got out of the car. Well, it wasn't really a suggestion. It might have sounded like one, but it was really an order.
After a quick diversion to the toilet, I was sat in Mr Hobson's office, with the door firmly shut.
"First thing, are you okay?" he asked.
"Yes. I felt a bit wobbly when I got out of the car, and I have a bit of a headache."
"It's good you are being honest with us. I was more thinking about you being followed and if what happened in Iran had caused you any issues."
"It did come into my thoughts when I realised that I was being followed. I moved so I wasn't as close to the road and did keep my eyes on vans, but they were all going the same speed as other traffic."
"Do you know why someone followed you?"
"I think so."
Both Mr Hobson and Dr Ruiz leaned forward. Obviously eager to hear what I had to say.
After a moment of silence where they gathered that I wasn't saying any more. "And?"
"Sorry, Sir. It is something confidential to that company. I had a meeting with their CEO last Tuesday. I think that would be the best person to give that information."
"And do you know how to contact them?"
"I tried to ring their office earlier, but their personal assistant said they were in a meeting all afternoon. I was hoping, since you setup the work experience, that you would have a direct route."
"Now on to the thorny subject of tomorrow. I'm worried for your safety and am inclined for you not to go."
"WHAT?!" I yelled. "You can't do that!"
Mr Hobson scowled and said indignantly. "Excuse me?"
I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. When I felt more under control, I opened them to see Mr Hobson still staring at me.
"I'm sorry for my outburst."
"I know its frustrating, but I'm responsible for your safety."
I paused to formulate a reasonable argument. "I know you are, but there are always dangers. There are street gangs stabbing each other, there are car accidents. Heck, look at the terrorist attack last year. We have to learn to live in the world, or we won't be prepared when we leave school."
I sighed and continued, "It must be hard to balance the risks versus the rewards. When is the danger too much?"
Rachel spoke for the first time since we'd started the discussion. I thought she was there just so she knew what was discussed. "How about David being driven there and dropped off outside the front door? He can ring us when he knows when he will be leaving, so he can also be collected. That gives David the opportunity the work experience gives, without this new threat. He's been on the train for four days, so going a different way won't impact the 'commute' experience."
I looked across at Rachel and gave her a grateful smile. I kept forgetting she didn't just keep us in line or help our mental health. She also represented me to the school.
"I think that sounds a fair compromise," mused Mr Hobson. "Are you okay with that David?"
"Yes, thank you for letting me finish. I'm sorry I was impertinent."
He gave me a curt nod of acknowledgement. I knew it wouldn't be something he would forget in a hurry.
"David, why don't you come and see me after tonight's meal. I'm sure I should be able to get hold of the CEO, and you can explain the issue you found."
"Thank you, sir."
As I walked out, Rachel steered me down the corridor and out of the emergency fire door. "We can have a private chat as we walk. Now, what brought on that outburst. I've never seen you so out of control."
I thought about it. "It wasn't really anger. I think it was more frustration and disappointment. I've worked hard this week, and I was worried that it was all for nothing."
"Rarely are things, 'just for nothing'. A bit of homework for you. Think about what you have learnt this week that you didn't know before. Not just in the office, and how an office works. Think about what you wear, how you get there and dealing with people you don't know."
"I suppose."
"Finally, in the work you want to do, there is often segmentation or compartmentalisation. Think about what happened in Russia. The data that was needed was gained by one team, and then it was passed to another team to analyse and deal with. You may never find out what happens to it; you just have to trust that the next in the chain do their job."
We ambled on in silence for a few moments. Rachel continued, "So what are you doing since you are back here in very good time?"
"Update Helen, Stacy and Andy. That's one frustrating thing about the school layout."
"What do you mean?"
"All the years have their own common room. We do things like language lessons and orchestra as a whole school. Yet apart from the library and the sports areas there isn't any way to hang out with friends in other years."
"Oh?"
"Take Kevin. I play next to him in orchestra. The only time we get to hang out is when he's been teaching me how to play squash. If you look, the sports centre is used mostly in the weekend and in holidays. After lessons and homework, all you want to do is relax. We do that in the common room."
"Isn't that what it was like at your old school? Each year had its own area where you were during breaks?"
"Sure, but when school had finished, we had the opportunity to meetup with who we wanted. I didn't, I just hid in my room. If you look out back, during the warmth, you often see us mixing out back. That isn't possible during winter."
"Do you think the year lounges should stay or just be merged into one?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "No idea. Perhaps keep them to see how things go. They would be a quiet area away from the hullabaloo. Perhaps year common rooms encouraged for homework, rather than been done in the whole school lounge."
"A lot to consider. Let me discuss it with the other support staff. This might already have been tried and didn't work, or it might have never been thought about."
After the evening meal, I waited a few minutes and wondered down to Mr Hobsons office. There was an unknown person standing outside the door. The word 'bodyguard' flashed through my head.
"Mr Grant, Mrs Taylor is expecting you. Go right in."
I opened the door and saw Yvonne. So, her surname is Taylor, and she has a picture of Mr Taylor in her office. Interesting.
"Come in and shut the door. Quentin thought this was best the two of us. He went to a meeting regarding pupil cohesion. Someone made a well thought out use of school funds."
With the door closed, I took a seat opposite her. "Justin contacted me earlier, he said you had some unwelcome company for the journey back here."
"Justin?"
She smiled. "Mr Taylor to you. My brother-in-law if you are interested. I saw you noticed his photograph in my office. I was surprised you didn't ask then."
"It didn't seem appropriate."
"I suppose it wasn't germane to the conversation we were having. So, what did you find?"
"You have a leak, though I think you already know that. I need to confirm the data set to see when it started, but you have a compromised server. Servers are allowed to talk to each other without being blocked by the internal firewalls. Someone is using that to be able to get information they normally wouldn't be allowed to access."
"I see. Do you know who is doing this?"
"I don't think it is just one person. The software could have got on the box via a trojan. But there have been many opportunities to spot the unexpected data traffic. I spotted in the logs, but then I wasn't conditioned about what to look for or not look for. Internal people might ignore inter server data because they expect the servers to be secure. Sue, your personal assistant, said you were unavailable. Were you?"
"No, I was in my office. I had no calls or meetings."
"But she doesn't have access to the server that handles external contractors. That is the compromised server. Hence why multiple people must be involved."
Yvonne pulled out her phone and made a call. "George its Yvonne Taylor. I need a team immediately. I have one confirmed compromised server, and I need to know that the network and firewalls are secure ... Yes, I'm sure … Okay, see you in two hours."
She then turned to me. "David, you aren't to come to the office tomorrow. In essence there will be no office for anybody there tomorrow. A specialist team will come in and audit my IT."
"So why did you get me to come in, under the guise of work experience, if there was a company that specialise in this type of work?"
"The company that is coming in are like a sledgehammer to crack a nut. My whole company will be paralysed while the heart is ripped out, verified, and if needed, replaced. I didn't want to do that if there wasn't a verified problem. It could have been someone writing down details and passing it on. You found a verifiable issue that they can now fix. Thank you."
I smiled. "Thank you for having faith in me. It makes me feel worthy."
As I walked back to the year common room, Rachel's words came back to me. "You may never find out what happens to it; you just have to trust that the next in the chain do their job.
I might never know who was involved. Were any of the people I worked with involved? Could I live without knowing?
I sighed. This work experience had been much more comprehensive than I first thought.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 70 - Final Chapter
Wednesday 24th May 2006
"Time's up," informed the exam invigilator, breaking through the silence of the exam room. "Please put down your pens and close your answer books."
A sigh rippled through the classroom, followed by the scraping of chairs as people sat back for the first time in nearly two hours.
"What did you think of that exam?" I asked Helen as we left the exam room.
"Very strange," she responded as we filed out. "These exams have been a lot easier than I thought they would have been."
"I know, right?" added Emma. "I mean we're doing these exams two years early. You'd think we would struggle more."
We went to our years common room and settled in our favourite seats.
"Just one exam left in a few weeks," stated Lewis. "I don't plan on studying for that until after the leaving party. So, what now?"
"I thought about lying out back," said Paula.
Just as she finished saying those words, we heard a rumble of thunder in the distance.
"I thought it was supposed to be dry today," sighed Paula. "Can't the weather people get it right?"
"How about a game then?" suggested Helen.
"Sure," replied Emma. "Though I thought you would be spending time with Andy and Stacy before they leave."
Paula elbowed Emma.
"What?" queried Helen.
"Any time year five leaving is mentioned, you and David get all glum. We've all seen how you look at them and they look at you."
I blushed and couldn't look at anybody. What must they think?
"Hey, I've seen them both help each one of you and keep what they know to themselves," said Martha sounding pissed off. "And now you just gossip that they're in some open relationship."
"Polyamorous, not open," I muttered, hoping the floor would open and swallow me.
"Good," said Emma and moved across to give both Helen and I a hug. "Now it's out in the open and you don't have to hide."
"Huh?" uttered Helen, her voice sounding shaken.
"I know how I would feel if I wasn't with Paula. If you only feel a fraction of what I feel for Paula, then when they leave you are going to be heartbroken. Yes, you have each other, but there is more to it for you. Now you know that we know, you don't have to hide your feelings and we can be there to help."
I burst into tears. They were a great group of friends.
"Thank you," I blubbered. It didn't come out quite right between sobs.
"When did you realise?" asked Helen.
"At first, I thought it was just the Beta handover stuff, but it was the way you were with each other. The day after your commitment ceremony sealed it for me."
Others were nodding.
"Oh?"
"Helen was in hospital and nobody was allowed to see you. David was with you, but so was Andy and Stacy. For that to occur, not only must Rachel have known, but it was accepted by the school."
"So, why don't you spend some time with them?" asked Brian. "I mean, there is only so many days before they go."
"Later," I said, trying to pull myself together. I was still in shock that my friends knew about our cross-partner feelings. "They are also leaving their friends. They need to spend time with year five too. Stacy works so hard that she doesn't get to spend as much time with her friends as she should. I'm not going to take that away from her."
"I hate to ask this, but do you know the schedule for year five leaving?"
I sighed and tried not to get upset. After all, it wasn't their fault I was in a relationship which part would turn into a long-distance thing.
"While Helen was in the hospital, we talked a bit about it. I don't remember everything, as I was more worried how Helen was. All I remember is that the day before they leave there will be some type of presentation, and then a big party. Andy described the amount of food after our Commitment Ceremony as just the right amount. He said at this party it will be too much."
"Too much?" gasped Lewis. "I don't think there can ever be too much food."
I shrugged. "Perhaps I remember it wrong. I had other things on my mind that day."
"Stacy is on her way," announced Helen. "She said she would fill us all in."
While we waited, we moved the seats around a bit to fit in another chair to the circle. She was soon being invited in and sat with us.
"It doesn't seem five minutes since I was sat here explaining what happened at Christmas. So how much has David and Helen told you?"
Erika repeated it.
"Okay, so that's the basics for your involvement. Let me explain what has been happening in year five, so you are prepared when you get there. All of us are off to university. That doesn't always happen. Last year two couples decided they'd done enough tertiary education and went straight to employment. Since university accommodation isn't available yet, we will be living in rented property for a few months. When you leave, the school pays for six months accommodation, so you have somewhere to get started. We each have a stipend to purchase clothes and other things we need. Remember, we can't take our school clothes. The school also pays for our university fees and accommodation."
"Have you already started getting things?" asked Emma.
"Sure, we have a furnished apartment in London. We've been buying clothes and getting it setup. For those moving further away, the school organise storage and shipping, just like they did with the Christmas gifts."
"So, there's no real packing for you? You just up and leave."
"With empty pockets just wearing a simple set of clothes. Just like when we joined."
"That sounds so ... harsh," whispered Paula, sounding a bit shocked. "Like they're kicking you out of your home."
"Not really. If we left with nothing, then I'd agree. The school try to make it as simple and smooth as possible. It's no different from when you finish at university. You have a move out date of your accommodation. You know when it is and prepare. Life moves on. We've done our education here. The school have taught us so much. Now it is time to learn elsewhere and give back."
"And that's it? You just disappear?"
"No, Paula. We don't just disappear. We all have email addresses, so it's easy to keep in touch. Also, sometimes an ex-pupil is asked to help. June, the head pupil the year before me, was here a few times this school year and I know of several others that came by. You just didn't see them, as they weren't here to help you."
"The final bit is the departure. Just as you were collected and escorted to the school, the reverse occurs. We leave with one of the support staff and when we get there, we get changed and put our school clothes into a bag. They are then brought back."
She took out her PDA and clicked a few buttons. Our television came on, and we saw a picture of thirty-two students lining the driveway; the cars were departing.
"This is last year's event. The leaving. It isn't a day to mourn, it is a day to celebrate. In four years, you will be ready to leave. You will be educated to a standard much higher than most people that age. The school will have done what it can, and it is time to face the world. Life is an experience where you are always learning.
"Paula, since you seem to be asking most of the questions, let me ask you something. You and Emma have been helping at the farm next door. How's it going?"
"I was scared at first, but it has been really good. I get on well with the others over there. It isn't like I thought though. I thought I would be working a lot with Emma. However, Emma knew a lot since she grew up on the farm, so I'm at a much lower level than her."
"And is your day different, than at school?"
"Oh sure. At school there are set meals. When we are at the farm, you stop when you can. If you're bringing in the cows for milking it isn't possible to stop for a drink, let alone food. We're more driven by events, than a time."
"And you David, your work experience you did?"
"That was a lot more structured. Nothing I did was time critical. I was able to stop for lunch when I wanted, well between set times."
"Lucky you," moaned Brian. "I've done no work experience yet."
"Mine was only for four days," I reminded him. "Emma and Paula's is different as its just next door, and that type of skill isn't something that can be learnt at the school. I'm sure we will all get work experience when we're further through the school. We have GCSE and A-Levels to worry about first."
"When you leave, do we stay in this room, or do we move to where year two are?" asked Lewis
"You stay here. This is your year common room. Rather like you won't change bedrooms."
"Good, I've kind of grown to like this room."
With no other questions, she bid us adieu and went back to join her year.
I looked across and saw Anna relax. "Anna, why does Stacy make you nervous? You got on well with Andy when you did the Mozart."
"Oh sure, Andy was so helpful. It's just Stacy. I've no idea why, as she has been nothing but kindness. I mean, she's year five, leader of the orchestra and so super talented."
"So, not a nervous fright, but in awe?" asked Martha.
"I suppose. I mean-" Anna tailed off and blushed.
"I think she'd pretty awesome too," I added with a cheeky grin.
That got a groan and lots of cushions thrown at me.
"At lease she didn't know that we knew about the polyamorous thing," pointed out Emma.
Helen grimaced a bit. "She knew. I told her when I asked her to talk about year five leaving."
There was a stunned silence and a lot of embarrassed faces.
* * *
Andy saw me coming off the squash court. I'd been beaten again, but I was slowly improving my game. It wasn't as easy a game as I first thought. It helped that since I now knew the basics, the number of people I played against was increasing.
"Since the whole school seems to know about the four of us, do you fancy a trip tomorrow?"
"A trip?"
"For you and Helen to see our new apartment."
I think my grin gave away my answer. "Is the school okay with that? And did you have to give assurances?"
"Rachel and Mr Hobson gave their approval. And yes, we had to give various assurances."
I nodded. "It wouldn't have mattered. We know we are too young, and we wouldn't want to get you into trouble."
"Tomorrows I'll be going en-femme. I need to get some Brenda outfits. At least a few so I can go out to get more if I need."
"I'll go as Jayne." This was the first time I'd offered to dress as Jayne since working out that what I wore didn't matter. Was I more like Andy? More to ponder.
"You sure you're okay with that?"
"Yes."
"You're sure?" he asked concerned.
"Are you sure you want to go as Brenda?" I retorted.
Andy held up his hands in mock surrender.
Thursday 25th May 2006
"Remember, nothing can happen," Helen said, as we got dressed.
"I know," I responded. "And if we did make a pass at them and got rejected, we'll just feel miserable."
"So, we just go, have a good time but no making passes at them or dropping hints. Four girls out having fun."
"Yes," I tried to sound cheerful. Deep down it hurt, but I knew the reasons. Just because my heads said something, doesn't mean my heart has to follow. "Do I look okay?"
This was the first major trip since I'd got my adult Jayne voice. It had been hard work finding her, but I was glad I had. Rachel had been very cautious about making sure my voice was stable before I embarked on these extra lessons. Helen was concerned it might impact my studies, but I found it a fun thing to do. Who would have thought that I would want to do something so I could be Jayne?!
"You look great, and you sound perfect. Let's go meet the others and get breakfast. I don't want to go to London with an empty stomach."
Just as we were finishing breakfast, I noticed Hilda, who was sat at our table today, had a rather unusual necklace. It was gold with what appeared to be a blue thread running through it. I thought about asking about it but didn't feel it was appropriate with everyone around.
With calls of "have fun", and "enjoy yourselves" ringing in our ears we went out to meet up with Brenda and Stacy. They were chatting with Rachel as we went out the front.
I saw Rachel look us over and said, "Jayne, are you ready for this?"
"Yes. Is my voice acceptable as well as my look?"
"Of course. Sorry if you find my confirming is exasperating. We just care. I'll drop you off. Give me a shout when you are due back, and we will collect you."
"Thanks for this," said Brenda.
"Getting sorted for leaving school is important and it's good to see you thinking about all your needs. As for Jayne and Helen tagging along, it is a good opportunity for the four of you to spend some quality time together."
I was glad I hadn't worn mascara. It seemed that the school, or certain staff at the school, seemed to understand that our unique relationship was important. I'd no idea how Helen and I would cope over the next few years.
As we left the grounds, I soon realised we were going a different way than we normally did. "Aren't we going the wrong way?"
"We're going to Harlington station," explained Stacy. "It's on a different line and its easier for our new place. It's also easier for us to make sure nobody is following us. I'm told Security are still nervous."
When we pulled up at the station, I saw why we were dropped off rather than us taking one of the pool cars that year five were insured to use. It was a tiny station with limited parking, which appeared to be full.
Stacy went to get the tickets and while we waited, I asked, "So which station are we going to, and where are you going shopping?"
"We're going to Farringdon, which is closest to our apartment. We'll have a drink and a chat, then go up to Brent Cross for the shops. It would have been quicker to go directly to the shops, but it means more train changes."
"We aren't going to Oxford Street then?"
"It might be closer," pondered Brenda, as Stacy reappeared and dished out a ticket each.
"A day travelcard. It will get us into London and the zones on the underground we need, then back here."
"Jayne was suggesting Oxford Street instead of Brent Cross," mentioned Brenda as we crossed over the bridge to the platform.
"How could we have forgotten about there," laughed Stacy. "We just looked up big shopping malls. How could we forget the most famous shopping street in the country?!"
Since it was post rush hour the trip was quiet. I was quite surprised when the train went underground and was even more surprised when we stopped at Kings Cross Thameslink. "This would have been a shorter trip for my work experience," I complained.
"Sure, but a longer trip for Rachel," responded Helen. "Anyway, you missed out on our morning exercise, so it was good you did some walking."
"Ooh," said Brenda and Stacy together at Helen's teasing. Well, I hope she was teasing.
It wasn't long before we rolled into Farringdon, and I noticed the underground platforms ran parallel to the main line.
"This is so convenient," I commented.
"Why do you think we chose here," retorted Stacy.
"Cheap and available?"
"Sure, it was available, but this is London. Nothing is cheap."
Within a few minutes of leaving the station we were being invited into their apartment. It was bright, clean but stark.
"What do you think?" asked Stacy, rather nervously.
"It's great," Helen and I said together. We all laughed at that.
"A great find," added Helen.
"Really convenient. You only get this for six months?"
"Yes. Such a shame. So, now you know where we'll be living, let's go and get me some clothes," said Brenda. "Then we can go and have a nice day out. A nice time, just the four of us."
The shopping didn't take long and then we were out, exploring London. We'd done the quiz when we were getting over the Russia trip, but none of us knew London. A hop-on-off bus tour, a trip on the London Eye and a walk past MI6 headquarters. Thank goodness Mavis Brown didn't see us.
Monday 29th May 2006
After lunch, instead of carrying on studying, Helen and I had an appointment with Mr Hobson. As usual he hadn't forewarned us what he wanted to discuss. Even though I'd met him several times over the last year, I still got nervous. I didn't think we'd done anything wrong.
"Come in and shut the door," he boomed when we arrived. We were offered to sit on his comfy settee, and I felt myself relaxing. I glanced at the two plastic chairs opposite his desk and was glad we weren't being invited to sit on them.
"This morning, Mr Taylor and I had a rather detailed review of your participation in the Beta program. You both have worked hard with your respective handovers, and you will be Beta One and Beta Two when the current holders leave. There is no ceremony for this, as the Beta program has always been hidden. As the years go on the knowledge of what happened in Russia will disappear and the program will again fade from view."
I glanced across at Helen, at the same time as she glanced across at me. We both shared the same expression of relief mixed with glee. How Mr Hobson had started his speech had me nervous that we wouldn't be allowed. Now we knew we'd passed that hurdle.
"However," started Mr Hobson. I quickly turned to look back. That wasn't a good start to a sentence. Not in this case. "However, there is an issue with continued training. You have only the management side covered, with some basic training. The continued learning would normally be done by a senior student overseen by Mr Taylor. We won't have that."
My gaze didn't leave Mr Hobson's face. Were things going to be different? Was that it? Were we going to be symbolic?
"To get around this unfortunate situation, we will mostly revert back to how things were when the Beta program first started. Mr Taylor will be teaching and guiding your additional learning and training. However, some elements are best coming from students, so Andy and Stacy have been asked to provide some assistance a few times a year, for the next three years."
"Thank you, sir," uttered Helen. I just grinned.
"Four years is a long time. I hope this helps a little. Now, back to your studying."
Thursday 1st June 2006
When we entered the dining room for breakfast, we saw boards surrounding the edge of the room. They were full of pictures taken of the leavers over there time in school. How they'd changed. I was surprised there were pictures of some of them pre transition. A few gasps of shock could be heard from a few in year one.
"It is who we were," I heard Stacy from behind us, knowing what we were thinking.
"Sorry?" asked Helen.
"Just because some of us are not the gender we were when we started school, it doesn't mean we try to shut it out. I know that some try to blank it out, and some of us might do that in future. Stealth they call it."
"But don't you hate the reminder?" asked Emma.
Stacy shrugged. "Not really. Yes, I had some difficulties before joining this school, but not since. Who I was in year one is just as important to me. I can celebrate my change because I can say this is who I was, and this is who I am now. Even people who don't change gender have changed from who they were when we joined. Be glad you didn't know Andy when he first arrived."
"Hey, I wasn't that bad!" called out Andy looking at the next board.
"Oh, let me see. The swimming pool incident, the bicycle chain incident, the mistletoe in the cinema incident, the –"
"Okay, okay," laughed Andy. "Perhaps I needed a bit of straightening out."
"There's a picture of the mistletoe incident here," called out Susan from further down.
"A few notices", called out Mr Hobson, and we all scarpered to our chairs. "There is time for looking at the boards after breakfast. From Monday the classroom wing will be out of bounds for several weeks. That includes both floors, not just the ground floor. There is a lot of unused space on the first floor, which is going to be turned into classrooms. The dance area should stay the same. Downstairs, some of the rooms will be turned into a large recreational room for all years to share. Like a whole school version of your year room. Things like boardgames will be moved from the library and stored in the new room. Your year rooms will stay and will be a good place for group study. You share a lot that's not year related, like the orchestra. The hope is this new area will enhance the idea that we are one school, not five years."
"Do you have plans that we can see?" asked Tim.
"There are plans, but I don't plan on sharing. I want it to be a surprise. Second notice, there are no lessons tomorrow, so curfew tonight is waved for all years until 2am. Breakfast will be as and when you come down and will just be cold items, as the kitchen staff won't be on duty until later."
* * *
Just before lunch a handbell rang out, and our chatter quickly came to an end. The bell sounded again, and on the third ring Stacy rose.
"The bell has rung three times. My time at this school is ending. Will Susan, as head student of year four, take on this duty or should a special vote be held?"
Susan rose. "I would be honoured to take that duty."
Stacy then called out, "Mr Hobson, as Headmaster, will you accept Susan as the student representative?"
Mr Hobson rose and turned to face Susan. "Susan, I accept your nomination as head student. I look forward to our first official meeting."
Susan and Stacy walked towards each other and hugged. A bell with a slightly lower pitch, and more solemn sounding, tolled twice, and we all stood and applauded.
There is one thing I've found about this school, they like ceremony.
Friday 2nd June 2006
Pupils from year one to four were dotted along the drive waiting for the departing cars. Helen and I were stood next to each other, holding hands. Those in the higher years had known them for much longer, but they had been through this ritual before. It was our year's first experience of this. Yes, we'd moved away from our birth family, and had suffered that loss. Yet today was something that, for me, felt more profound.
In five weeks, a new cohort would arrive. Ten new pupils away from home, some for the first time. Ten children bewildered and surprised by the greeting that Susan will give. Ten new friends to welcome into the family.
As the cars started to depart, our hands got tighter. My heart sank as they drove past. With the tinted windows, we couldn't see if Andy and Stacy were looking at us and we couldn't get a last glimpse of them. It wouldn't be the same without them. Not just Andy and Stacy, but the whole of year five. Hayfield was a small school, and therefore everyone mattered.
We just stood there; bereft. When I eventually refocused, I saw that Helen and I were the only ones left. We were alone.
"Bye," I quietly whimpered. "Bye."
I've been a fan of Karen Page's story, A New Style of Education, for a while now. At first, I had trouble of keeping track of who was who until I found her character list. When I first saw the list, I was thinking of the PDA's often mentioned in the story and ... well ... created what you see below. Just click anywhere on the PDA to get things started, then click on the tabs at the top of the screen to navigate. Enjoy! :)
Story and characters copyright 2005-2007 by Karen Page
iNode online PDA simulator copyright 2007 by Heather Rose Brown
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Deleted Chapter
This follows on from Part 63. The day after the commitment ceremony.
Events in this were mentioned in several later chapters. I didn't include it as I thought it might have been a distraction. On reflection I think it does add something, so rather like Blu-ray disks sometimes contain "deleted scenes" I thought this would be a good way to share it – after the event.
Sunday, 12th March 2006
Thank goodness it was a Sunday and because of the previous night's fun, all the breakfasts had been delayed. This wasn't just because we all were sleeping late, but also because the kitchen staff were up late too.
"Hi Darling," I said, as Helen's eyes fluttered open.
"Hi," she said, and then winced as she moved.
"Are you okay?" I asked concerned. She was okay when we went to bed. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"
"Last night was wonderful. I just feel a bit sore and itchy. How late is it?"
"Nine," I said, after consulting my PDA. A light breakfast of cereals was available until ten.
"Then let's shower and meet the world."
By the time we got to breakfast it was nearly ten. We were walking through the entrance hall when we bumped into Rachel and Dr Sue. Dr Sue looked like she was wearing what she was yesterday.
"Hi," Helen and I said together.
"I didn't know you worked Sundays?" I asked Dr Sue as we got closer. "Is someone ill?"
"It was just so late last night that I stopped. Helen, are you oaky?"
"A bit tired. Why?"
"You have some red blotches on your face."
"They weren't there earlier," I mentioned.
"They look like an allergic reaction," said Dr Sue taking a closer look. "Let's get you to the hospital wing and get you checked up. The tests I did after Stacy's latex reaction didn't show you were allergic to anything common."
Helen and I looked at each other helplessly. Going to the hospital wasn't really on our plans. We wanted to have breakfast and relax in each other's company. The weather was starting to warm up a bit, and by early afternoon there was a chance we might have been able to lie out on the back lawn.
We followed Dr Sue to the school hospital. It wasn't long before the Robert, the nurse on duty, was guiding Helen to a bay. Her face didn't seem any worse, which I hoped was a good thing. Though it wasn't looking much better either.
"Is she going to be okay?" I asked, calmly. Inside I was worried and upset at seeing Helen like this, but I knew that if I got upset it wouldn't help.
"Helen is in the right place. Let's listen to see what the doctor has to say."
"Your blood pressure is normal," said Dr Sue to Helen.
Dr Sue spoke quietly to Robert, and he disappeared. She produced a small torch and a spatula from a bedside cabinet and asked Helen to open wide and say "Ahh".
Helen complied. "Good, you don't seem to have any swelling there. Have you had any trouble breathing?"
"No."
Robert appeared with a machine on a trolley. "Okay, Robert here is going to put you onto this monitor so we can see observe your heartbeat and blood pressure. We are also going to set up an intravenous line just in case you do get worse and we need to give you so antihistamine medication."
"It's that bad?" Helen asked.
"No, I'm taking a lot of precautions. If something does go wrong, I want to be ready."
One of the other nurses, Pauline, popped her head around the curtain. "Rachel, do you have a moment?"
Rachel muttered something under hear breath and disappeared. Robert was quickly done, and the monitor was soon doing its job.
"Thanks," smiled Dr Sue to Robert. "Is this the machine that can be relayed to reception?"
"Of course."
"So, what's going to happen?" I asked.
"We need to monitor Helen until we know she is okay."
"Thank goodness this didn't happen yesterday," commented Helen.
"We also need to try and find out what caused this reaction. Can you tell me if you've eaten anything unusual in the last day?"
"Nothing unusual. The kitchen should be able to tell you what I'd eaten."
"Did you feel unwell before I saw you?" the good doctor asked.
"Not really."
"You said you felt sore earlier," I chimed in.
"Well, that was probably because-" Helen suddenly stopped as Rachel came back in.
"Yes?" Dr Sue prompted Helen.
I knew why Helen went quiet. She didn't mind talking with Dr Sue about what we did, but there was no way she was going to mention that in front of Rachel. Dr Sue probably knew, and the blushing of Helen was just an unneeded clue.
"Dr Ruiz and David," said Dr Sue very formally. Rachel looked a bit surprised at the formality. "Would it be possible for you to both to wait in the hospital reception for a few minutes? I think this conversation would go a lot smoother as a one-to-one. David, I know you would normally be here, but don't you think you should notify your friends where you are?"
"That's never happened before," said Rachel, as we walked towards reception. Camped there was Stacy and Andy. "They were the reason I got called away. They were asking about Helen and if they could see her."
"Dr Sue kicked us all out so she could have a private word with Helen," I explained, taking a seat next to Stacy. "Helen has had an allergic reaction to something. Dr Sue was worried enough to get her down here, but it seems not worried enough to take her to go to A&E."
Rachel shook her head. "We brought Helen down here to assess her and keep her stable. If she got worse, we would have been calling an ambulance. If she was here, we could give her adrenaline and a few other items to keep her stable. My official role here is as a school representative. I can give permission if any medical intervention is needed. I'm here unofficially because I care and want to see she is okay."
"So, will she be okay?" Andy asked, not sounding his usual confident self. I smiled a bit at the almost duplicate question which I asked.
"Her vitals look good," said Rachel carefully. "However, the blotches on her face did show she has had a bad reaction to something. It wasn't as bad as Stacy was with latex, but it is something that we need to find the cause, so she doesn't suffer again."
"Thank you both for yesterday," I said to Stacy and Andy. "You both helped make the day perfect."
"We enjoyed it too," smiled Andy. "Talking of yesterday, I'm beginning to think that Jill is more trouble than I am."
"She wasn't trouble," laughed Stacy. "And I didn't hear anybody complain!"
"David," called Dr Sue from the other end of reception. "You can come in now."
As I got up, I said to Andy and Stacy, "Are you two coming too?"
"Are you sure?" said Andy, slightly surprised.
"Helen may be embarrassed at first, but I know she will be pleased to see you."
They got up and started to make their way across the room. Dr Sue looked confused and rushed across. "Sorry, just David at the moment. Just partners. Visitors possibly in a bit."
"But-" I started.
Andy interrupted. "Go ahead David. We'll wait."
"Will you or Stacy let year-one know?"
Stacy agreed to do so, and I followed Dr Sue back to Helen. "How is she doing?" I asked as we went.
"She's stable."
I walked through the gap in the curtains and saw that Helen was in a hospital gown. I rushed across to her, "Are you okay?"
"I feel fine," she said, as we embraced.
"Andy and Stacy are here," I mentioned. "Though Dr Sue said they couldn't come in."
"But-" she stopped, not knowing what to say.
"That's about as far as I got," I added.
I mean what could I say? The relationship wasn't traditional and in some ways it might have been regarding as very close friends. Nothing had ever happened, well more than an odd kiss on the cheek. However, we all knew how we felt but we all seemed to be following Stacy's ruling that nothing can happen.
"They are very close friends," I tried to explain; knowing Dr Sue kept stuff to herself.
"More than that," butted in Helen.
"Yeah, a very strong emotional attachment," I agreed. "Though nothing physical. There is a technical word for it, but I can't remember what it is."
"If it was this important, then surely you would have remembered," said Dr Sue pointedly.
"It's a label and I hate labels. All I can remember it was sort of two words merged together and one came from Latin. Rachel probably will be able to tell you."
"Okay, I'll have a chat with Rachel in a minute. First though, I want to give you an update. Helen, you are stable and whatever allergen affected you seems to be dissipating. You had an allergy test before and nothing showed up, but that is only for general items such as dust mites, peanuts, latex, chlorine etc. I need to ring a colleague to discuss the symptoms as this is something unusual. Now I did hear him mention a strange case that sounded similar, so let's see what comes out of that."
"How long will I be in here?" Helen asked.
"Let's see how you go the rest of today and what I can find out. Why don't we make an assessment at five? Any other questions?"
Helen and I exchanged looks, neither of us had anything to ask so we replied not.
"Okay, so try and relax. I'll have a word with Rachel and see what she says about those two."
When Dr Sue disappeared, I asked Helen, "Did you tell her what we did last night and this morning?"
"Yes, she mentioned that we were too young for that and reminded me of the law. But she wasn't judgemental about it and wouldn't be telling the school. She checked me out down there when I said I was sore. Thank goodness she got Pauline to chaperone rather than Robert. Anyway, I'm very red down there, but she can't tell if that is because of what we did, or because of the allergy."
"Sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"You didn't. I think it was the perfect time to do it and I wouldn't have wanted it to be with anybody but you."
I leaned across and gave her a gentle hug. "I love you so much."
"I love you too," she happily responded.
"Knock, knock," came Andy's voice. I looked up, but the curtains were still shut.
"Come in you silly thing," Helen responded. "And I hope you've brought Stacy with you."
"I'm here," said Stacy coming in with Andy. Both had brought a chair with them. They took up position at the opposite side of the bed and Helen filled them in with the findings.
"I let your year know that you wouldn't be around for a while," said Stacy. "They were all concerned that you were in hospital and were all about to come down until I explained that tests were being run. I said I would try and find out more information, which is why Andy and I are here. Mr Hobson will make a proper announcement at lunch, so the rest of the school knows."
Strange though it was, but the next few hours zoomed by, and it turned into a day to remember. This was really one of the first times that the four of us had been so close together and just chilled. There was no talk about lessons, no talk about beta stuff, just us talking about anything and everything.
It was coming up to lunchtime when Rachel reappeared. We'd had a few visits from Pauline, but other than that we'd been left to ourselves.
"Sorry to disturb you," announced Rachel coming in. "I'd like to remind you that it's coming up to lunch."
"I thought lunch was delayed today?" I enquired.
"It is. It is quarter to one now. The late lunch will be staring in fifteen minutes."
"Wow, where's the time gone?" said Andy to nobody in particular.
"Can I stay here?" I asked hopefully. I really didn't want to leave Helen's side.
"Yes," smiled Rachel. "I'll make sure that the staff bring something down for you as well as Helen." Rachel turned to face Stacy and Andy and gave them an inquiring look.
"We better get going," said Stacy, standing up.
A look of sadness momentarily flickered across Andy's face, before he nodded in agreement.
"I'll see you at lunch then," said Rachel who disappeared, leaving the four of us alone again.
"Will you be back later?" Helen asked.
"We'll see," said Stacy carefully.
"I know, you don't want to give the wrong impression," I muttered slightly bitterly.
"No, it's not that," Stacy responded sounding slightly hurt. "We don't know if Dr Sue will allow us."
Helen smiled and said she understood. She got a small kiss on her cheek from the two of them before they went to have lunch.
Two meals appeared, which Helen and I quickly devoured. Whatever allergic reaction Helen had hadn't diminished her appetite. It was a bit after our trays were removed that Dr Sue appeared.
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm feeling a bit better," Helen replied.
"That's good." murmured Dr Sue whilst she checked Helen's chart.
"Did you find out what's wrong with me?"
"My colleague was able to give me the information regarding the historic case. It was quite enlightening. I'm not sure yet if it's the same problem, but a test will help. I will need David's help to set it up and will mean he will be away from you for a little while."
"Am I allowed visitors?"
"Not yet. I want to see how this test goes. Stacy and Andy are allowed and should be here in a few minutes."
"Thank you," Helen said. "It will be nice to have company while David is helping you." She paused and then asked, "What do you need David for?"
"I need some samples to set up an allergy test. It might be a bit hard, so I'm not sure how long he will be away."
"David, once Stacy and Andy are here, can you come and see me."
She disappeared and it was again just the two of us.
"Are you really feeling better?"
"I didn't feel that ill to start with. Just a bit sore. I'm sure I looked worse than I was."
From what Rachel had said earlier, I wasn't convinced, but I didn't want to say anything to Helen. She might not have felt too ill, but from what Rachel had said it could have been bad.
Andy and Stacy weren't long before they made an appearance and I left them all to find out what Dr Sue had planned for me. I found her in reception where she escorted me to the small room she used as a temporary office when there was someone in the hospital that she was keeping an eye on.
"I won't beat about the bush," Dr Sue started after I sat down. "Helen has had a bad reaction and a potential cause I want to test for is in relationship to you two having sex."
"You can't be allergic to sex, can you?"
"The symptoms that Helen have are like a case a colleague treated. So, I think is a good place to start. Helen said you didn't use a condom. Can you confirm that?"
"No. I didn't know they were available. I thought sex was forbidden at this school."
"It is and we will talk about that later. However, it is understood that even though it is banned it might happen. One of the hardest things for any child to cope with is becoming a parent too early. Since it is possible for Helen to get pregnant by accident, she is on birth control. That isn't to encourage sex, but to stop any unwanted consequences. Likewise, there is a supply of condoms available. Since any pupil using condoms wouldn't want the school aware of it, there is a secure disposal facility. I will explain this to you and Helen later, or if it is too embarrassing you could ask Andy or Stacy."
I blushed. It was more at the mention of Andy and Stacy rather than the talk of sex.
"Are you okay about Andy and Stacy being with Helen?" I asked.
"Let me show you something." Dr Sue punched a few things on her PDA and pushed it across towards me. "That is Helen's heartbeat. As you can see when you were all talking this morning it was a lot lower than when she was being seen to earlier. She was distracted from worrying about what was going on by the three of you."
"Is that it?"
"No, I have a lot more graphs but I'm sure that you'd rather find out what is wrong with Helen rather than discussing biology."
"Yes," I said eagerly. "What do I need to do?"
"There are two parts to these tests. One to make sure that neither of you have any other conditions; for that I'm going to need to take some blood and urine samples like I took from Helen this morning. The second part is to see if Helen has a conditional called Human Seminal Plasma Hypersensitivity."
"Are you saying she might be allergic to my sperm?" I shrieked. I couldn't believe this. I'd only just got capable of being able to be intimate and now she had an issue? I think somebody was trying to tell me something.
"No, not your sperm. You missed the word Plasma. That is the fluid that the sperm swims in. If that is the problem, then there is a way to desensitise Helen. I just need a sample from you."
I nodded.
"Okay, if you can roll up your sleeve then I will take the blood."
I turned away as she found a vein. I hated injections, but it wasn't long before I was being told that it was all done. I turned to look and saw that there was a small swap of cotton wool affixed to my arm by some surgical tape.
"Do I get a lollipop for being so brave?" I joked.
Poor Dr Sue must have thought I was being serious as she got a look that was a mixture of shock and worry. I laughed and told her I was just teasing.
"No, you are right in some ways. I keep forgetting that you are still a child. I had to get permission for the tests from Rachel after all."
"Does she know about the hypersensitivity thing?" I started to panic, wondering what the punishment might be.
"No, just we need to rule out several things. I'm sure she is wondering, but she knows I won't break patient confidentiality."
"Not even in the middle of the night?" I blurted out. I instantly regretted saying it. I gave myself a mental slap, knowing I would have got a real one from Helen if she'd been here.
Dr Sue gave me a stare and I blushed. "Sorry. I shouldn't fish."
"No, you shouldn't, but that isn't what upset me. I always keep my patient's confidentiality and I would appreciate it if you didn't spread rumours."
"I wouldn't. I just wanted to see if what I thought I'd seen this morning was true."
Dr Sue put two containers on the desk. One was a smallish one, and the other was slightly larger. Each had a plastic bag with them.
"This one is for urine." Dr Sue pointed to the small container. "Please make sure that the lid is secure before putting it in the clear bag. The other container is for your sample. Once you have managed to do that, secure the lid and put it into the yellow bag." I took the yellow bag and saw it hid what was in it.
"What type of sample?" I asked naïvely. I had no idea what she was talking about.
"Sorry, I need a sperm sample."
I sat there and stared towards Dr Sue, but she wasn't my focus. Doing something like that had never crossed my mind. It was like having sex without someone I loved. Pure selfish pleasure. I shuddered. Yet it was needed to help Helen. I'd seen how much pleasure she had last night, and this morning and I wanted to be able to always make her happy. A tiny tear leaked from my right eye and slowly made its way downwards.
"David, are you okay?" Dr Sue asked.
There was concern in her voice and I hoped that she hadn't seen the tear. I didn't want to wipe it away, worried that she might have seen it. "I've never done anything like that before."
"I see. Do you not know what to do, or is there a bigger issue?"
"Oh, I've read enough books and seen enough films to know what to do. It's just –" I trailed off, not knowing what to say.
"Why don't you go and do the urine sample," suggested Dr Sue. "We'll leave the other test."
I transferred my gaze to the container that was still sat on Dr Sue's desk. I didn't see the container though, but Helen's skin full of blotches. I remembered Dr Sue ordering some antihistamines just in case Helen got worse and Rachel saying that it was the best place to try to stabilise Helen if they needed to get her to the hospital. Could I be that much of a danger to Helen?
Wordlessly I picked up the two containers and went towards the toilets. When I eventually came out, Dr Sue was at reception. I handed over the two bags. She handed the clear one to Robert who said that he would get it sent off. Dr Sue took the yellow one and told me to follow her. I didn't. I'd spied a red plastic waste bin and made a mad rush for it and threw up.
"I suppose I'll sort that out," said Pauline, getting up.
"Sorry."
"You aren't the first person to be sick in here and you certainly won't be the last. At least you did it in something rather than all over the floor or the bedding! Now go catch up with the doctor."
I found Dr Sue in another room. It was a mini lab where some tests could be done immediately. This school never ceased to amaze me.
"Can you close the door," Dr Sue said, the sample was on the side and a countdown timer was gradually ticking down.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Waiting. As always, waiting is the worst hardest thing, but in this case the wait is needed for things to become liquid. We then do a bit a few other things to prepare the skin test for Helen."
"It isn't dangerous for her, is it?"
"It shouldn't be. This is going to be a very small sample that we will put on her arm. If she's allergic, she will get a small reaction that is localised there."
"So why did you call me in here instead of letting me go and see Helen?"
"Before you went to do the samples, you were very upset. When you came back didn’t just look ill. you were sick. Seeing you like that would only upset Helen. I wanted to give you time to recover a bit."
"If Helen is allergic to me, would she also be allergic to Andy?"
Dr Sue looked surprised, but quickly answered, "Is that likely to be an issue?"
"Not while we are at school. Afterwards, who knows? Though isn't it best to know?"
"Let's see how your test goes. It is pointless testing Andy if Helen doesn't react badly to this test." She paused. "Can I ask you a personal question, not quite related to the medical question at hand?"
"Sure."
"How does the relationship with Andy and Stacy impact yesterday's commitment ceremony?"
"It doesn't. We made a commitment to each other. Hopefully, we will love each other for the rest of our lives. Part of that commitment was being fully open with each other. None of us planned how we felt about, as Rachel calls them, our cross-partner feelings. One thing we learnt early on at school is we had to be honest with our study partner. Earlier this year, after some issues, we also learnt that it includes others that are in extended relationships."
"The time about your birthday when you seemed a bit angry?"
"That's it. Rachel made us talk about things between us. We all learnt a hard lesson then. It also helped that we found out there was a proper term for it."
"I'd heard of the term, but it took talking with Rachel this morning to understand properly. It takes a lot to buck the trend."
"But isn't bucking the trend what you did and most of the students at Hayfield? There are a lot of LGBT at this school which isn't the norm."
"That's true. You're looking better, do you want to go back to Helen while I finish off here?"
"Thanks for the chat," I said, getting up. As I got to the door I added, "You and Rachel did look good together this morning."
I was gone before I got a response.
Helen's face lit up when I walked through the curtains. "You're back!"
I went across and gave her a hug and a kiss. As I pulled back, she looked at me oddly. "You've been sick."
"Yes," I responded. "I have. Though I was glad I got to a waste bin, which Pauline offered to clean up."
"What were you doing?"
"Helping create a test to see test one of Dr Sue's theories on your allergic reaction. I also had to give some blood and urine to make sure I was clear of other issues."
Helen didn’t mention me having been sick again, which was good as I didn't really want to explain what I'd had to do. If the test came back positive, I'm sure Andy will find out soon enough.
"So, what did I interrupt?"
"Nothing much, a bit of talking shop. About what happens when year five leave."
"Is there a big ceremony?"
"I wouldn't say big, after all there are only eight of us. There is a bit of a show of what we've achieved and some embarrassing photos. Finally, after handing over head student there is a big party."
"Big?"
"Yes, one where there is far too much food," added Andy. Last night Andy referred to the buffet as just the right amount of food, and there were tonnes of it. If Andy thinks there is far too much food, how much are they going to provide and how long does it last?
I didn't get chance to ask anymore as Dr Sue appeared along with Rachel.
"Why does it always go quiet when I appear?" Dr Sue asked
"Because we're respectful and want to listen to what you say?" replied Stacy.
"Hey, I like the sound of that," laughed Dr Sue. "Okay, I have the items for a skin prick test. One is a control and the other is what David helped me cook up. According to the notes the test should be left for twenty minutes. If at any time you feel unwell then please say. Do you have any questions?"
"No," replied Helen.
"Are you okay for me to give you the test?"
"Yes," Helen replied.
Dr Sue looked across at Rachel who nodded, and Dr Sue set the test going.
The twenty minutes seemed to drag, and we all wanted to look at Helen's arm. Dr Sue had left, but Rachel had stayed to keep us company.
After a few minutes of silence, I couldn't get a thought out of my head and decided now was as good a time as any to ask. "Rachel, can I ask a difficult question? Well, I think it's difficult, but it really depends."
"Difficult for you or me?" she responded.
"You, I think. I know you have multiple roles at the school. A psychiatrist, a guardian and a sort of representative to the school. Isn't a psychiatrist supposed to keep things confidential? Yet how does that relate to what you have to do school wise for the other roles."
"I think I understand where you are coming from. I suppose part of this comes down to trust. Can I be trusted to be told something and not get you into trouble?"
"That day, you were like the high inquisitor, dishing out the punishments," said Helen, rather more forcefully than she normally was.
"Do you think this should be talked about without Stacy and Andy?" asked Rachel.
"No," Helen and I said simultaneously.
"We don't have secrets," said Stacy. "Not anymore. It was the only way that made sense. If one of us does something that hurts the other then we talk about it, we try not to let resentment or confusion settle."
"Who came up with that plan?" Rachel asked. All three of them pointed to me. I just blushed.
"Weren't we talking about trust," I said pointedly, trying to get the conversation back on track.
Rachel nodded. "Okay, let me summarise the events as I remember them without interruption and let's see if you agree."
"Okay," Helen and I agreed. Andy and Stacy just kept quiet.
"You came down to breakfast very tired and with silly grins. The way you acted with each other was that you had not just broken the school rules, but potentially the law. It was thought that you had engaged in underage sex. This was not just noticed by the support person at the table but also by Mr Hobson. After breakfast we had a chat, with me as your school representative. You admitted what you had done and hadn't done, and the punishment was set."
"That sounds about right," Helen agreed.
"Okay, now if you'd come to me before breakfast and said you had a problem that when you tried to get intimate that David didn't feel well, then I would have been bound by confidentiality. I would also have advised you not to have silly grins on your faces at breakfast. However, if Mr Hobson seen you beforehand and had twigged what had happened, then if he asked for a meeting, I would have had to recuse myself from acting as your guardian. One of the other support staff would have had to take that position."
"It's a question of hats," said Stacy.
"Perhaps we could help David by getting some hats made up for Rachel. A different title on each hat."
"Don't you dare," said Rachel trying to keep a straight face, but failing. "It's hard enough to carry a PDA around, let alone finding storage for a bunch of hats."
"I'm sure that isn't the correct collective noun," I added.
"Don't scratch," Rachel ordered Helen when she noticed Helen starting to do just that to the test area. "I'll let Dr Sue know."
Stacy, who was seated closest to the hand Helen was scratching with, took her arm and held it so she couldn't scratch. "Sorry, but you will only cause more issues if you do."
"I know, it was just a powerful desire to scratch."
Dr Sue came bustling in with Rachel and immediately went to inspect Helen's arm. "Definitely a reaction. Rachel, will you be kind enough to measure it when the twenty minutes are up, so I can see how it fits into the scale? Helen, this was a very targeted test. I would like to do another test on your other arm to test if this is a wider issue. Is that okay?"
Helen nodded. "I just want to find out what's wrong."
Dr Sue turned to Andy. "David was kind enough to help me earlier, but he found it rather difficult. Would you be willing to help me this time?"
"Sure," he responded.
"If Stacy gives Andy a hand, then it might make things quicker," I suggested.
"They are both over eighteen, so I will leave it up to them," said Rachel.
When Andy and Stacy had gone with Dr Sue, I took over to hold Helen's hand so she wouldn't be able to scratch. "Rachel, can I trust you to keep something confidential?"
"As long as you aren't going to endanger yourselves or others then yes."
I looked across at Helen who looked slightly panicked, but she nodded.
"Don't be upset with Dr Sue. She is trying her best to help Helen, but she knows that if you aren't told in the right way that Helen would have been in trouble. If Helen didn't feel that she could have trusted Dr Sue, she wouldn't be getting the help she needs. That is why Dr Sue sent you out of the room this morning, so that Helen would be open."
"What were you able to tell Dr Sue that you weren't able to tell me?"
"The only thing different was that we'd had sex," said Helen. "And I was sorest down below."
Rachel gave a small sigh and said, "I can understand why you didn't want to say anything in front of me. Especially after what happened before. Has Dr Sue mentioned how wrong you both were doing what you did?"
"She mentioned that not only were we breaking the school rules, but we were breaking the law."
"And she is right, but I will save my lecture for another day. It appears that Dr Sue has an idea of what the cause is, by the fact she has managed to get an allergy test run that has shown positive. So, we wait and see what she says when the next test is run."
Stacy re-appeared and without saying a word came up to me and gave me a big cuddle. "You must really love her to do what you did."
Helen looked really confused, but all Stacy would add was that Dr Sue would explain everything after this test had been run.
"Where's Andy?"
"I helped him with the initial work needed, but he made a total mess so went to get changed. Dr Sue is processing things now."
"Now you've explained what's going on, I'm going to see if I can help the doctor. Hopefully, she can fill me in a bit on her theory and what can be done to help."
Andy was a bit longer than we expected, but when he did reappear, he was looking all cleaned up and came with a bowl of green grapes.
"Food?" Stacy enquired. "I though you would have had enough after lunch."
"It's not for me, but for Helen. Anyway, grapes are healthy."
"Ah, that’s really kind," Helen smiled. "Though it looks an awful lot for just me."
"Aren't there a few missing?" I said, pointing to the empty area.
"Blame Pauline and Robert. It was payment to let me in with them."
We all had a big laugh at that one.
Dr Sue appeared around half an hour later. She had the same testing equipment that she used for the previous test. "Now we have a problem. You are all sitting near the arm that I need to test. However, before you move, let me have a good look at your other arm."
After inspecting Helen's arm, Andy and Stacy moved to the other side and I moved back to give room for the test to be done. We could then all stop Helen from scratching if it became bad.
The test came back positive.
"What now?" sighed Helen. "What am I allergic to?"
"I'll explain in a few minutes," said Dr Sue. "First thing that is important; you aren't going to die today. So, let's get you unhooked from the monitor, and you can get dressed. We will then chat about what you are allergic to and what can be done. We'll have this chat in Dr Ruiz room."
"Sounds good," said Helen, trying to get out of bed before Dr Sue had removed the monitor pads. We all left her to get dressed in peace and wandered across to the hospital wing reception. Andy took care of making sure the bowl of grapes was finished before rushing upstairs to take it back to the kitchen. He would meet us in Rachel's office.
It didn't take Helen long before came into reception, wearing the clothes she'd worn this morning. Her badge of commitment proudly on display. She didn't come straight across, but instead went to thank Robert and Pauline for their help. They smiled and said that she was a model guest, but not to visit too often.
"Am I allergic to sex?" Helen asked, as we went to Rachel's office.
"Not quite." I explained what she was allergic to.
"And the second test?"
"Andy," replied Stacy.
I thought she would have been upset, but Stacy seemed to be quite accepting of that test.
"But why?"
"You won't be having sex with him this year, but can you say the same of five or ten years? Isn't it best to find out now as the tests are being run, rather than at the time?"
"You're just like David, always thinking to the future and planning," said Helen soberly.
"Of course. It was David who suggested the second test. That is just one of the characteristics of why David will be Beta One next year. He needs to perfect his forward thinking, but he is getting there."
We didn't say any more about it until we were in Rachel's office. Andy was there already. Dr Sue outlined the problem and Helen managed to pull off looking surprised.
"Can anything be done?" asked Helen. "Is there a cure?"
"Two things are possible. The first is any partner you have sex with should use a condom. Not overly exciting, but it should stop you getting ill. The second, if they are a long-term partner then you can be desensitised to him."
"How?"
"A series of weak injections that slowly gets your body used to him. However, to stay tolerant they have to have sex every few days."
"What?!"
"This is the first time that I've ever heard of prescribing sex let alone doing it," said Dr Sue. "However, it is only possible once you have been desensitised. Also, the literature isn't very clear about the regime if you have two partners. It is an unusual problem to have, and it seems the people who have been diagnosed are all in a monogamous relationship."
"Once you do leave the school, if you do get condom's, make sure they are latex free. You don't want anything latex in or around Stacy," advised Rachel.
Helen looked like she was going to ask a question, but Rachel continued. "Nothing can be done yet. Where possible, the school ignores sex they know does happen. They can't turn a blind eye when they make it obvious, like you did a few months ago. They also find it hard to turn a blind eye to give authorisation for medical treatment which only allows sex to happen. Remember sex isn't just against the school rules, at your age it is illegal."
It wasn't what Helen, nor I, wanted to hear, but it was the truth. We walked out of the Rachel's office knowing that things were going to be harder, but then when was anything that was worth something easy? It was just something else we would have to work on.
"Thank you for being here with me today," said Helen to Andy and Stacy. She gave them both a kiss on their cheeks.
"Our pleasure," said Andy and Stacy together before wandering off, hand in hand.
"Why don't we nip to our room and grab a rug. We planned to lay down out back this afternoon, and I think there is still time."
"Sounds good to me," agreed Helen.
We rushed to our bedrooms. We each had a rug so we could spread out as we desired, or if someone in our year spotted us, they could join us without having to get their own. When we got to our room, I spied a printed note on my desk. 'Check bedside table'.
Intrigued, I did as the note instructed. There was nothing unusual in the top draw. However, in the middle draw was a big box. I opened it and saw it was full of condoms, the box was marked latex free. I heard a squeal from next door and presumed Helen had a similar gift.
Grabbing my rug, I yelled, "Are you ready?"