Featured BigCloset TopShelf author
Karen Page
By Karen Page
(revised January 2005)
Edited by Angel O'Hare
A Different Plane of Existence!
A Different Plane of Existence
By Karen Page
(revised January 2005)
Edited by Angel O'Hare
Part One
"Look Mum," said Simon in an excited voice pointing to the departure screen. "Our flight has just changed to "Proceed to gate 65".
"Okay Simon," she replied with a smile. "Shall we wander across now?"
With a nod Simon walked with his parents from the duty free area towards the gate.
***
"Cabin crew to landing seats," said the captains voice over the airplanes speakers.
Tom looked out of the window and noticed that the houses were now clear. "Mum we just went past a house with a pool," he pointed out to the lady seated next to him. "Fancy having an outdoor pool in England, it's rarely that warm."
Soon they passed over the airport perimeter fence and touched down on the runway.
"Welcome to London Gatwick. The local time is twenty five past six and the temperature is currently six degrees Celsius," stated Anna, the head stewardess. "Please stay seated till the plane has come to a complete stop at the terminal."
***
Simon was stood by the glass window watching the activity on the ground below. The plane parked at gate 65 was being loaded with food. Glancing to his right he noticed activity at gate 69. It looked like they were preparing for a plane to dock.
"Dad," he said walking back to his parents. "Can I go and watch the plane dock at 69?"
"Yes son. However don't wander any further away. I know that this is quite exciting; being your first flight, so enjoy watching."
"Thanks Dad." Simon wandered over to the gate to get a good look. He noticed a plane slowing down on the runway, which was visible in the distance. The plane turned off the main runway and made its way to the terminal building.
***
As the terminal building came into view passengers started to get up and extract luggage from the overhead cabinets. A few beeps were heard as people turned on their mobile telephones.
"Please remain seated with you seatbelts securely fastened till we come to a complete stop and the captain has switched of the fasten seatbelt sign," reminded one of the stewards. "Also it is against the law to turn on your mobile telephones till you are in the terminal building."
People reluctantly sat down but people ignored the message about keeping the mobiles turned off. Instead of the offenders switching of the phones they just put them into their pockets. The plane was not in the air so what harm would it do?
***
Simon watched the plane head towards gate 69. It slowed down as it approached and was now almost crawling towards journeys end.
***
As the plane inched towards the building people again began to stand and pull luggage from the overhead cabinets. More beeps were heard as people again began to switch on the phones.
In the cockpit however things weren't as rosy. The main computer for the plane was failing.
"We've just lost the brakes," informed the engineer. "The back up system is not responding."
"We're still travelling too fast for friction to stop the plane before the terminal building," stated the co-pilot.
"On board communication failure," called the engineer.
"The building should stop us without much damage to the plane," theorised the captain. "I just hope everyone is still strapped in. You two evacuate the cockpit and I'll try and manoeuvre to avoid people."
***
Simon stood fixated by the window as the plane rolled on. The front door of the plane had passed the ‘finger' that passengers alighted from and showed no sign of stopping. Simon turned towards his parents and saw them walking towards him. The plane skewed slightly to one side and thinking something strange was happening started to walk towards them.
The plane hit the terminal building causing a loud smashing sound as the glass windows broke and came to an abrupt halt as it smashed into a main support strut.
Everyone in the area had turned to see what was happening and most had become rooted to the spot they were in. A deep rumble started and the ground shook like an earthquake. Bits of plaster fell from the roof and then a few seconds later the area between gate 67 and 71 collapsed.
***
"We have some breaking news," said the presenter on BBC News 24. "Part of the south terminal at Gatwick airport collapsed at just after half six this morning when a plane failed to stop at the arrival gate. Airport and local fire crews are at the site and are conducting a major rescue operation. Airplanes are still landing but are currently being diverted to the north terminal. Departures are currently suspended so not to interfere with the rescue.
"Details are still sketchy and we will return to the story in a few moments but first the rest of the headlines…"
***
Simon slowly regained consciousness. He tried opening his eyes but his head hurt too much. Over the next ten minutes he regained more of his senses and was able to open his eyes.
"I'm trapped," he thought to himself as he looked around. A small shaft of light provided a twilight effect and was vaguely able to see his temporary prison. He moved his head and saw he was encased. He gradually began to recollect the moments before the incident. The plane not stopping, the roof collapsing and seeing his parents getting covered in falling debris. This was all too much and tears trickled gently down his grimy face. His mother had nearly reached him but it was all in vain.
Noticing that the there was a bit of height to the cocoon Simon decided to move to a more comfortable position. However as he tried to move he felt an excruciating pain, which caused him to blackout.
***
"We are now going live to Gatwick airport where Roger Lyons the airport manager is about to bring us up-to-date with the current situation."
"At six thirty-three this morning the inbound flight AW101 from Miami failed to stop at the terminal building and crashed into the main structure causing a localised collapse. We have two separate rescue operations currently on going. The first, the evacuation of the plane, is nearly complete. The second, to find survivors in the remains of the building, is still ongoing and is likely to last for several hours.
"The evacuation of the plane took longer than necessary as some passengers had unbuckled and were not still seated. People strapped in had trouble evacuating the plane due to blocked gangways. There were several serious injuries and they have been evacuated to East Surrey Hospital in Redhill. The only fatality on the plane was the pilot.
"By looking at CCTV records we have identified that five people are missing. Four people due to go out on flight AW402 to Orlando and one maintenance worker. Three of the four passengers missing are from the same family.
We have the fire service Search and Rescue team actively trying to locate and ascertain the health of the trapped individuals. International Rescue Corps are on route to provide valuable assistance and should be here within the next thirty minutes. We also have search dogs on route which coupled with thermal imaging cameras should help locate the people. From CCTV footage taken about ten seconds before the collapse we have a good idea of where to dig and we all pray for a happy conclusion to this terrible incident.
Does anybody have any questions?"
"Sandy Brown, Sky News, is there any news of what happened to the airplane to cause it to fail to stop?"
"Air investigators will be removing the black box recorders to analyse the issue surrounding the incident. It is too soon to comment on the cause and further questions should be addressed to the head of the investigation team."
"Nick Saunders, CNN, I believe flight arrivals are still going to the north terminal. Is this going to continue and when are departures going to resume?"
"North terminal departures have not been suspended and are currently on schedule. We are currently looking at transferring some of the south terminal departures to the north terminal to provide a limited capacity. Check-in and customs will still occur at the south terminal and we will bus passengers to the north terminal for flights. We are not allowing any arrivals or departures from the south terminal so not to impact the rescue operation."
An official wearing a bright yellow visibility jacket walked up to Roger and whispered in his ear. Roger nodded in response.
"I am needed else where and must terminate this briefing,"
***
Simon awoke to the dull ache of lingering pain. "Don't move," he thought. "I don't want to suffer pain like that again."
He listened intently to see if he could hear anything. Nothing was heard. No, what is that? Is that the faint sound of a dog barking in the distance? What the hell is a dog doing here?
"HELLO!" Simon shouted at the top of his voice. He then had a small coughing fit with all the dust that had settled into his lungs. "Is there anybody there?"
He heard a faint reply coming to his left but appeared to be lower than him. "Is that you Simon?"
"Oh my," Simon thought and then called, "Mum is that you? Are you okay? Have you heard from Dad?"
"I'm fine. Just hold on tight and listen for the rescuers. I saw a program on TV the other day with how they rescue people after earthquakes. There were specialists from the UK there so I am sure there will be a lot of people working to get us out. They even bring in special sniffer dogs that can smell people trapped in rubble."
"I've heard dogs already," Simon replied getting excited jerking slightly. "Ahhhh," he yelled and again passed out in pain.
"Simon. Are you okay?" shouted Simons Mum. "SIMON!"
***
"It is seven hours since the collapse of the terminal building," stated Jason Smith of International Rescue Corps. "We are assisting the fire service in carefully tunnelling to where we think two of the remaining three people are trapped. We have heard the sound of intermittent conversations between two people but we are too far away to make out who they are. The men out there are very buoyed by the successful rescue thirty minutes ago of the maintenance worker who was trapped on the lower floor. This made up for the fatality they found earlier."
"How far from them are you?"
"At the present rate it will take about another two hours before we reach the nearest person and another hour after that to reach the other."
"What about the last remaining person. Is there any sound from him?"
"We heard some noises till about two hours ago but nothing since. However we have had periods of quiet from the other two people but then they restart. It must be very draining without food or water and there bodies will force them to conserve what energy they have."
***
"How are you doing Mum?" asked Simon after recovering consciousness.
"I'm fine," came the weak response. "How is the pain?"
"Not to bad as long as I remember not to move. In between the last three blackouts you've reminded me of some good times we have all had over the years. Please tell me another story from when I was younger."
"No problem Simon." She knew that telling happy stories about his childhood was comforting to her son. It was also comforting to herself as she knew that her situation was a lot worse than his.
Two hours later Simon heard, "Hello can you hear me down there?"
"Yes. YES! I can hear you!" gleefully replied Simon. His voice was getting weaker.
"You don't have to shout as we are nearly there."
"Who are you talking to?" asked Simons Mum.
"The rescuers are nearly to me." Simon replied
"Thank you God," she murmured and then speaking up with her remaining strength, "Simon you speak with the rescue workers now while I have a rest. I love you always."
"I love you too mum. You have a rest now."
"How are you and your Mum coping?" asked the rescue worker.
"I'm trapped by a piece of rubble. If I move I get a lot of pain and blackout. My Mum sounds to be lower than me but has been talking a lot and is tired. She said she was going to have a rest while you get me out."
"Hang tight while we come the last few metres. If we cause disruption to the rubble by you please shout very loudly."
Thirty minutes later a light shone through a gap which startled Simon's eyes and he had to shut them till he got used to the increased illumination. The last few bits of rubble were removed and Simon got the first glimpse of another human since the accident.
"Hi Simon, I'm Jason" introduced the rescuer. "Let me look at how you are trapped."
Jason took a knife out of a hidden pocket and gently cut off Simon's trousers.
"I see how you are trapped and I am going to need to secure this area before we attempt to free you. My colleague Harry who is just approaching is going to secure the roof while I update the rest of the rescue team. In the meantime here is a special bottle of water. It will only let you take sips every minute while we hydrate you."
After his first sip Simon asked, "How are you going to reach Mum?"
"We are building a tunnel not far from here that leads to where her thermal image is showing. Don't worry we aren't going to leave her."
"What about my Dad has there been any news on him?"
"We are still trying to get to him. Don't worry we wont give up till we have you all. I must go and inform everyone and get the medics to check you out. Now relax and make sure that Harry behaves!"
***
Jason emerged from the rubble and after regaining the ability to walk moved to the co-ordination tent.
When all relevant people were assembled the meeting began with Jason, "We have managed to reach Simon who is according to the flight booking a fifteen year old boy. He has been trapped for about twelve hours and is in remarkable spirits; probably due to him having his Mum, who was in earshot, reminiscing about happy events in his childhood. There is a thick piece of metal that protrudes from the top of the rubble and is embedded into the floor. There are two issues with this object. First, it appears when the roof collapsed the metal pierced through his genitalia. Second the metal appears to be part of a building strut and if cut, which is going to be very difficult if not impossible, it might cause the area to collapse. Since his mum, Helen, is not far away it might cause her cavity to also collapse."
"The first thing I need to do is examine the boy," stated Brian Fielding who is an Accident and Emergency consultant. "I will assess his overall health and examine his groin and see how bad the damage is. How wide is the passageway? Will I be able to get in with the emergency bag?"
Jason looked at the offered bag and said, "It will take you about five minutes of slow crawling to reach him. The passage is wide enough to get the bag through but not on your back. You will need to push it in front of you and that will slow you down. I'll come with you and relieve Harry who has been shoring up the area."
Jason the turned to the Airport Manager, "Roger, you can brief the press but please don't comment on the boys status apart from him being alive and receiving onsite medical care while we extract him. It's going to be difficult enough to extract him without the press getting excited."
***
"Hi Simon, I am Dr Fielding. I am from the A and E at the hospital. If it is okay with you I am going to examine you and make sure that you are okay?"
"Go ahead but no jokes; I saw a program last week that said that hospital doctors had the worst sense of humour going."
"Hey, I saw that program," replied Brian as he used the stethoscope to listener to Simon's chest. "I'm sure that it said GP's humour was worse. Anyway it is based in Manchester and they're all weird anyway. Any pains apart from the groin?"
"No. I was a bit thirsty earlier but Jason gave me a special drink which has helped. Do you have any food?"
"Good. We don't want to give you any food just yet as it might be a shock to the system," the doctor replied and also thought to himself "and we might have to operate."
"How am I doing?"
"You appear to be fine. The only issue appears to be a stick of metal impaled through your body. Jason and Harry are investigating removal of the metal but to be honest it isn't going to be easy."
"I didn't think so by the way they were looking at the roof and how it was imbedded into the ground."
"Hey don't panic. We'll get you out of here even if we have to cut you in half!"
"Didn't I say no humour?! Laughing just hurts."
Taking a more serious tone "I am going to ask a specialist to come and examine you're groin as there is some damage down there. He'll asses the damage and then he'll decide what surgery will be required to repair you once we have you out. "
***
Back in the coordination tent Brian started to try and organise what was looking like a medical disaster. After further investigation they found they wouldn't be able to safely remove the metal strut which impaled his patient. He called his secretary, "Nancy, Brian here, I need you to track down a Dr Millard at Charing Cross hospital. If he has left for the day, or on the golf course I need to speak with him. He is a top elective surgeon so is going to be upset at being called. If you can give him my emergency mobile number as I'm still at Gatwick."
Ten minutes later Brian's mobile rang. "Dr Fielding speaking."
"Doctor, this is Tom Millard from Charing Cross. Your secretary interrupted my evening meal and was very instant that I ring you. What case do you have which requires such urgent attention?"
"Are you aware of the incident at Gatwick? Well I am on site and we have a fifteen year old boy with a metal strut impaled through his genitalia with surrounding damage. I am advised that the rod can't be cut without risking another collapse and risking other trapped people. I need your expert advice on the current damage, how reparable it is and what the possibility of cutting a bit of tissue to remove the patient without causing permanent damage."
"Sounds interesting," he replied. "I'm currently about twenty-five minutes away so will drive down."
"I'll get Roger Lyons who is the airport manager to ring you in about twenty minutes and he will give you directions to come straight onto the airfield."
Thirty minutes later the top surgeon was onsite. "So do you have a TV link to show me the damage?"
"No you will need to visit. It is too dark to have a successful uplink."
"You need me to enter a half collapsed building and crawl around on my hands and knees?"
"I'm afraid so. We have some overalls so you don't ruin your designer clothes."
With a bit of a huff he donned the overalls. One thing that Dr Millard took very seriously was his ability to help people with his skills. If he had been called out like this then it must be serious.
"Simon is aware that he is trapped by the rod but he isn't aware that we can't remove it. Unless you think it is necessary please don't inform him yet as I don't want him to panic."
"Lead on and lets see how bad it is."
Ten minutes later they were with Simon. "Hello Simon. I'm Dr Millard. If you can keep still while I look at the problem."
Tom Millard hummed to himself as he looked at the tissue damage and the impact of the metal rod. "What year did you start your puberty?"
"About three years ago."
"Excellent. I'm going to take a blood sample to make on some of your vital statistics. When we get the results back we will have a better idea on how to proceed."
Once outside the tunnel they walked towards the tent. "As you suspected his genitalia are damaged and my assessment is that they are now non functional. There also seems to be collateral damage on the base of the penis. I can perform minor surgery on him to disentangle him from the metal rod but that will cause a total loss of functionality."
"If we could remove the rod what is the prospects?"
"If the testes are damaged, as it appears, then the situation will be the same. The vibration as the rod is cut might actually cause more damage."
"I'll get the tests run via Redhill. As this is classified as emergency we should have them back in the hour. In the meantime plan the surgery. I am assuming a minor operation for extraction, then after stabilising him back to hospital for the remainder. Is there any chance of saving his manhood but leaving him sterilised or is full SRS the only option?"
"We will only know for definite when I have him on the table but there was some damage to the penis. If it has affected the renal track then I'll perform SRS otherwise I will attempt some miracle to keep him male. With his parents trapped we will need to go before a judge."
"I know and with the options open he will have to involve the Official Solicitor to act on Simon's behalf. Once we have him out how much time do you have?"
"The bleeding will be bad and we don't want to lose too much tissue so I'd say about an hour."
"Okay I will get the clinical director at my hospital to get the legal path going. I'll try and get a judgement before we operate to give you maximum time. Can you operate at East Surrey or will you need to go back of Charing Cross?"
"I'd prefer to do it at Charing Cross as I have the staff and equipment needed but if it looks like it needs to be at East Surrey then the operation can start and any specialist equipment that you don't have or personnel can be transferred. Post operational care should occur at Charing Cross even if SRS isn't performed as he will still need psychiatric care and hormonal monitoring."
***
"Please be seated," requested Judge Richardson. "I've reviewed all the information and have spoken at length with both of you. I've also had the Official Solicitor review what in his view is best for the child. He has concluded after speaking with independent medical advisers that what would be in the best interest of the child would be to follow your recommendation. I therefore grant permission for the minor operation to extract Simon from the disaster area and perform the investigation to save the remains of his maleness. If it can't be saved then full SRS is granted. In either case I order substantial post operational psychiatric care to ensure full reintegration into society."
"I know you have been holding out informing Simon regarding the full extent of his injuries. I can't order you to tell him but I think it would only be respectful. Being fully informed before an operation is a cornerstone of British medicine.
"I am also placing a gagging order on the press to stop the publication of any information that will lead to the child's identification being released. This, I hope, will stop the press badgering him during recovery."
***
"Some good news for you", said Roger. "Your mother has been pulled out alive and is on the way to surgery. She is very weak, as she has lost a lot of blood. I'm sorry I don't have more information but she is listed as critical. I've got to go and continue to organise your evacuation but if I hear anything else I will let you know."
Roger then left and the two doctors entered with another new face.
"Simon this is Trevor Brown. He is going to be the anaesthetist for this operation," explained Dr Millard. "He will monitor you while I operate with Dr Fielding assisting me. Once we have you disconnected from the metal strut we will transfer you to hospital and perform an operation on you. The operation will depend on the extent of the damage. We have discovered that you testes have been damaged and can't be repaired. We will examine how badly damaged your penis is. If it is repairable we will do so. If not I will perform a different and very delicate operation we called SRS."
"SRS?" asked Simon.
Taking a deep breath Dr Fielding explained, "SRS is short for Sex Reassignment Surgery. If we can't save your penis then Dr Millard, who is probably the best surgeon in the world for this, will change your structure below to look like a girl."
"Why that? You can't do that to me?" Simon responded in panic. "I don't want to be a girl."
"It isn't something that anybody has a choice in," replied Dr Millard. "We will attempt to fix it but if it's beyond repair then SRS is the next best thing. Are you aware of whom the Official Solicitor is?"
"No."
"Well due to your parents not being able to help you and it being a very serious issue we went to see a judge who had to make a judgement. He appoints somebody who acts on your behalf who is referred to as the Official Solicitor. He only has one aim and that is to protect your interests. He has spoken to several independent medical people and has had them review the case. In the end he has agreed that this operation is your best chance of leading a productive life."
"Well if doctors, solicitors and judges all agree then who am I to stand in your way."
"I'm going to put an intravenous catheter into your left arm," explained Trevor. "Then if there is any other injections we need to give you we won't need to make your arm into a pin cushion."
The catheter was skilfully put into the arm. "Next we need to put you to sleep. I'm going to inject you and I want you to count backwards from ten. If you succeed then you must be a robot!"
Trevor injected to anaesthetic and Simon muttered, "Ten..nine..eight..seve-."
"Lets start," said Dr Millard who as the senior surgeon took charge.
Dr Fielding swabbed the area to be operated on with antiseptic.
"Scalpel."
The scalpel was firmly placed into Dr Millard's right hand. "We are going to make the first incision here. We need to keep as much tissue as possible so we will cut downwards to free from the metal strut. Be ready with the suture as we might have some blood loss. Let's hope it isn't too much as we have no suction."
The operation was difficult due to the cramped conditions. However fifteen minutes later Simon was being placed onto the stretcher. This was a specially modified stretcher with wheels that could work while collapsed. "Breathing normal and a good pulse," informed Trevor. "Let's go."
Dr Fielding went in front and Dr Millard followed behind. Five minutes later they emerged from the rubble into a hurriedly created tarpaulin tunnel. This was to protect to wound and also Simon's identity. At the end of the tunnel was a waiting air ambulance.
"All air traffic has been suspended", shouted Roger over the noise of the helicopters wiring blades. "You should have an uninterrupted journey to the hospital."
"Thanks Roger," replied the doctors as they boarded behind Simon.
"He's strong enough for Charring Cross," said Trevor after he made another check.
Thirty minutes later they were in the operating theatre where all Tom Millard's normal operating staff were waiting. The two doctors and the anaesthetist scrubbed up so they were ready for the delicate surgery. Dr Millard checked the renal pathway, which was damaged beyond repair.
"Please inform Judge Richardson that full SRS is required and that we are proceeding," said Dr Millard to his secretary.
A Different Plane of Existence
By Karen Page
(revised January 2005)
Edited by Angel O'Hare
Part Two
About an hour into the operation the theatre telephone rang. "Theatre Four," answered Anna Jones the theatre administrator, "Dr Millard and Dr Fielding are operating."
"This is Dr Adams from East Sussex hospital in Redhill. Please relay a message to Dr Fielding that we are loosing Helen Turner. I believe he is assisting on Simon Turner. Helen is Simon's mother. She has a donor card and I wonder if Simon needs any transplants as they appear to have almost identical tissue matches"
"Dr Fielding, Dr Adams is on the phone saying that Simon's mother, Helen, is about to die. She is a donor and an apparent tissue match to Simon. Dr Adams is giving first refusal on any needed organs."
"Is Dr Adams a qualified harvester?" Dr Millard asked Dr Fielding.
"Yes but we don't need anything do we?"
"Since they have almost identical tissue we could try and help Simon regain the ability to have children. We could harvest Helens complete womb and ovaries and attempt to transplant into Simon. We have attempted this once before but the tissue match wasn't close enough and she suffered rejection."
"How much tissue is required? I take it isn't just the organ but some of the surrounding tissue."
"Correct. Would you mind if my assistant Dr Barbara Smith assists. She was involved on the previous attempt and is aware of what is required to be removed."
"Anna, please tell Dr Adams that we do require a transplant and that he will have a specialist with him shortly," instructed the doctor.
While they awaited the harvested organ the two doctors continued the delicate operation. Blood vessels were diverted and eventually the remains of his penis was removed. Next Simon's prostate was removed as its function would no longer be required.
"Normally the penis isn't removed like this as we invert the skin to create the vagina wall. Since the organ will contain this tissue we will not need to do this. Actually this will have the added affect of not having to retrain the tissue so Simon won't have the inconvenience of dilation."
When the organs arrived they opened the bottom half of Simon's torso rather like a caesarean section. They placed them in the body and began the mammoth task of wiring them up. More blood vessels were moved and added. With the work finished Simon was closed. The external work was relatively simple as most of the external facet was also part of the transplant. Simon would indeed be able to enjoy sex as well as a female.
Eight hours later the operation was complete and as Simon was wheeled into the recovery room the pressure and adrenaline that had kept the team going faded. By the time they had removed their gowns there wasn't much anybody wanted to do but sleep. Dr Millard's secretary was her usual efficient self and had organised taxi's to take everyone home. Driving in this level of exhaustion would be very dangerous.
In the recovery room Sam Ivory took over as the on duty anaesthetist. Simon was brought out of the anaesthetic and as he came round was given a sedative to keep him asleep for another twelve hours. Sam knew that the doctor would want to be available when he came round.
***
Tom Millard was in his office writing an article for the journal Nature. It was ten hours since the end of the operation. The doctor was already known as one of the best surgeons for transsexuals. However, he hoped that this transplant would make him as famous as Christian Barnard. His thoughts were interrupted by a sharp knock on the door.
"Enter," barked Tom putting his fountain pen down and putting his first draft onto the side. In the room entered a young lady who looked no more than thirty.
"Dr Rachel Ruiz. I believe you spoke to my boss about a paediatric psychiatrist assisting in a difficult case?"
"Thank you for coming. Please shut the door and take a seat. The case is subject to a judicial gagging order to help protect the child. What you hear about the case mustn't be discussed without authority especially not with the press."
"I never discuss cases," replied Rachel in a hurt tone. "It isn't ethical and I resent you questioning my professionalism."
"Sorry that I didn't phrase it very well. I'm obliged by the injunction to reiterate the confidentiality."
"Apology accepted. Now can you explain why you need a paediatric psychiatrist in a ward for transsexuals? Wouldn't it be best to get an expert from the Portman Clinic at St Georges?"
"Their psychiatric department has nobody free for a cross site visit and this case may require more intensive intervention which I am told you are better qualified for. Did you see the details of the incident at Gatwick yesterday?"
"Yes. Does this case involve that child who was trapped in the rubble and whose parents died?"
"Yes. There was a metal building strut that had pierced destroyed his genitals and functionality of the penis. Since his legal guardians where unavailable the judge, under advisement of the Official Solicitor, opted for SRS. Simon was advised before being anesthetised that SRS was a possibility. Since he wasn't a transsexual the surgery is probably going to cause him intense psychological issues."
Rachel thought for a moment and said "I'm also concerned about potential suicide. Leaving aside the SRS he has just lost both his parents. Is there any other family?"
"Not that anybody has been able to trace. Social Services are already trying to get involved but are being obstructed by the judge till you have judged his mental state."
"Social services will need to be involved but I agree that at this time they would just complicate an already dire situation. Back to the surgery; has any other cosmetic surgery been performed such as breast augmentation?"
"Other surgery will need to be decided when Simon understands what we have done to him and what options he has. He is still sedated and will be asleep for about another couple of hours."
"Okay. I've another patient to visit so can you page me when he is awake?"
As Tom Millard nodded Rachel handed him her card and got up to leave when there was a knock on the door.
"Enter."
A nurse, who was wearing a ward sister's uniform, entered the room.
"Sorry to disturb you but you wanted a report every two hours on your special patient. Pulse and other vital signs are still stable."
"Thank you Sally. Sally Archer this is Dr Ruiz. She will be helping with Simon when he wakes up."
"Hi Rachel," said Sally. "Dr Ruiz and I share a flat so we already know each other."
"Excellent," responded Tom Millard. "Well this should help with you both being involved with Simon."
Rachel and Sally left while Tom thought about the boy for a moment and then continued his article for Nature.
***
Around four Simon started to wake up. The on duty staff that had been monitoring him during his sleep was aware that he was the boy from the terrible accident and that he wasn't aware of his true fate. Being a ward for post operative male to female transsexuals it was very unusual to have a person with a male name. The nurses had put together an internal sweepstake for which girls name he would choose. Fifty pounds went to the winner. The nurses were not aware of the transplant as the doctors didn't want the news to leak, especially as there was supposed to be a press ban on the boy.
As Sally Archer was walking past the private sideroom that Simon was occupying she heard a faint groan. She entered the room and saw his open eyes.
"Hi Simon, I'm Sally Archer," introduced they 28 year old nurse. "I'm the nursing sister on the ward where you will be staying while you recover."
"I feel thirsty. Can I have something to drink?"
"Of course," she relied. "Just lie there for a moment while I get you a drink. I'll also get Dr Millard who operated on you last night. He has asked that I call him when you awaken."
A few minutes later Dr Tom Millard walked into the room with the nurse and another lady.
"Hello again Simon. I take it you find the bed more comfortable than the floor of a collapsed building?"
Simon nodded.
"Okay. Sally is going to help you sit up and we will discuss what happened since Trevor put you to sleep. After that I will need to examine you. I know that sitting up is going to hurt but it is important that you do."
Simon winced as he was helped into a slightly sloped sitting position. Two nice plump pillows kept his back comfortable from the metal backrest. Once in a sitting position Sally left the room and closed the door behind her.
"I have several items to discuss with you. It is important for you to understand what I say so please don't hesitate to ask as we go along."
Simon nodded and before the doctor could start he asked, "Before you start I have not been introduced to the lady who came in with you."
"Sorry. This is Dr Rachel Ruiz. She is a hospital psychiatrist and is here to make sure that I don't overwhelm you with information. She is also here to be somebody that you can talk confidentially to. As long as what you discuss is legal or does not involve imminent danger to you or anybody else then she will not tell anybody."
"This must be bad," thought Simon to himself. "I've got my own shrink and the doctor is talking about me being an imminent danger to myself? Why would I think about suicide? It must be bad."
The doctor explained how they had removed him from the metal strut and taken him to Charing Cross hospital and they had operated. "While we operated we discovered that we couldn't save your penis. You already knew that your genitals were destroyed. Therefore there was a choice to be made. To either leave you with no method of sexual pleasure or perform a sex change and give you the opportunity of future fulfilment."
"What about creating a replacement penis so I could still have sex as a man?"
"Artificially created penis are not able to give you much pleasure and compared to what you had would leave you feeling deprived. It would be a constant reminder to you of what you had lost. Also without the genitals you would not be able to create sperm to make a baby."
"But I can't create a baby now anyway," said Simon sounding rather upset.
"What I am about to tell you isn't known to Rachel but we performed a special sex change on you. This had only been attempted once before and had failed. We won't know for a few more days if this attempt will work but we have high hopes. I will explain the details in a moment but let me just say that you could have a baby."
Simon who had been looking towards Rachel saw a look of shock on her face. It was obvious that this wasn't something she had been forewarned of.
"I need to tell you more information first. As you are aware your mother, Helen, was taken to surgery when she was rescued. However while we were operating on you she died due her injuries being so severe. Since she was a donor card holder her organs could be used to help people with identical or nearly identical tissue type. You were compatible to her and her reproductive system was transplanted into you."
Simon was too shocked to cry or even feel the pain. "What about my father. Has he been rescued yet?"
"I'm sorry but you fathers body was discovered during the night. He was dead."
Simon couldn't believe what he had heard. Both his parents were dead and his body had been mutilated. "Can you both leave me alone," he asked his voice bitter with resentment.
Rachel signalled to Dr Millard to leave. "I'll need to check you over later to confirm that you are healing nicely," stated the doctor as he left the room.
"You seem quite upset," opened Rachel. "This must have been a big shock."
"Upset!" spat Simon, his eyes flashing with passion. "That doesn't begin to even start describing my feelings. I need to think about how this affects me and I can't do that unless I am alone. I asked you BOTH to leave so close the door as you exit."
Simon turned his head away from the psychiatrist adding an extra signal that he was terminating the discussion. This was all too much to take in. How could his mother be dead? Weren't they discussing his childhood less than a day ago?
Sensing that she wasn't going to get Simon to talk about his feelings Rachel walked round the bed and placed a small plastic box with a button onto the bedside table. "This isn't a doorbell", she quipped, "but this will page me if you feel the need to speak with me. It works twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week. Just press the button and I will be with you as quick as I can. I will have a nurse put an inbound telephone into the room so if it is going to take me more that fifteen minutes to get to you I will be able to telephone you to let you know."
With that Rachel left the room and headed into a small observation room next door. Inside Sally was monitoring the situation through the one way mirror. "He's not taking it very well, is he?" Sally asked.
"No." responded Rachel. "He appears to be quite intelligent for his age. I recommend you are very truthful with him as he will eventually spot any lies and that will not help build the trust which we need to help him overcome any fears. I'll watch him for a while and go back in and see him soon. I hope he will open up to me soon."
"We had another medically induced SRS operation about two years ago. He lost his penis and genitals in a shooting. He committed suicide a few weeks later. His wife had refused to see him and decided it would not be good for the children to have a freak as a father. We installed the observation mirror and CCTV system into this room after that occurred. There will always be somebody at the desk watching for signs of suicide."
"Tonight is going to probably be the worst night as he has just lost his parents and his genitals. Unless he talks about it today I would not be surprised if he makes an attempt tonight. For that reason I will sleep on the couch in my office so I can be here as quick as possible."
They watched as Simon stayed in the same propped up position that he was left in. His stony face failed to indicate to the observers what he was thinking about or his emotional state. Eventually Simon did move but only to retrieve his watch from the bedside cabinet. The effort needed was tremendous as any movement in his body caused excruciating pain. The watch was left to him when Simon's grandfather had died and he only wore it for special occasions. It looked undamaged and was still ticking. Since it needed to be wound daily one of the nurses must have been in while he was asleep. This watch was Simon's link to his family. When his grandfather had died the family were just him and his parents. Now he was the last surviving member. Simon didn't need the watch to tell the time as there was a clock on the wall. No he needed the watch as a link, a remembrance, to those that he had lost. Simon just sat there staring at nothing, holding the watch reverently in his hands.
An hour later, Simon had started to calm down. He knew that the doctors weren't the cause of him being trapped in the building but they were an easy target to lash out at. He however still held resentment at the fact the doctors weren't able to save his manhood.
The door opened and Dr Millard entered the room with Sally. "Hello Simon. Is it okay with you if I check your wounds and see how they are healing?"
Simon nodded and the doctor said. "I'm going to help Sally manoeuvre you back into a lying position. Then we will need to bend you legs at your knees with your legs spread apart. That way we will be able to check you out."
Simon was manhandled and was soon lying down. The pain from the move was less this time but it still was painful. The doctor lifted the gown and removed the bandages which were promptly put into a yellow medical waste sack. Sally pulled down the inspection light and turned it on so the doctor would have a clearer view during inspection.
"Ah, thank you Sally." The doctor continued to inspect for another few minutes carefully inspecting the stitches and the catheter. "Things are still quite sore so I won't perform a more detailed inspection today. Hopefully by late tomorrow morning things will be healed enough to perform a more tactile inspection."
Sally handed Tom some padding and some bandage. The doctor deftly applied them to the groin and fastened with tape. After he had finished Sally switched off the inspection light and pushed it towards the ceiling.
The doctor then lifted up the gown a bit further and started to look at the abdomen. "Well you seem to be healing well here. You should be able to start sitting up a bit more now. However no walking till I have removed your catheter. Do you have any questions before I continue my rounds?"
Simon thought for a moment contemplating if to ask for confirmation in what he had concluded in his earlier musings. His eyes narrowed as he decided that now was as good a time as another. "Yes doctor I do have one. Since I now have a fully functional female reproductive organ I presume I will be naturally producing female hormones. Is that correct?"
"We assume that it is fully functional. This is a first and we will have to wait to see if it functions correctly. However you are correct you will now be producing female hormones."
"So with no testis to produce male hormones and a body full of female hormones I will start to grow breasts?"
"Correct."
"So my options are reduced even further?" Simon spat out his eyes flashing again as his anger swelled within.
"Sorry I don't understand."
"According to you my testis and penis were destroyed or damaged beyond repair so you were going to give me a female looking groin. If that was the case my hormones would have to be self administered and I would still have had the choice of living as a male or female. However, since you kindly gave me my mother's womb I now naturally produce enough female hormones not to have a choice. I will have to live as a girl."
"How you decide to live is up to you," said Dr Millard gently, trying to placate Simon's anger, "If you feel strongly enough then medical intervention can occur. I only perform male to female operations but I can get a colleague of mine to talk to you if that is what you desire. However we need to make sure that you are fully healed first. I think it would be best for you to talk with Dr Ruiz tomorrow about your thoughts and emotions and see where that leads us."
Simon nodded his head in acquiescence and the doctor with Sally trailing behind left him to his thoughts.
Simon noticed that it the time was approaching seven so he painfully reached across and grabbed the television remote control. He turned it on expecting to only have four or five of the terrestrial channels but to his surprise there was also a limited selection of satellite channels to choose from. He decided against VH1 and selected BBC News 24 hoping to find more information regarding the crash.
Simon watched expressionless at a report on the current Iraqi crisis; more soldiers and civilians killed and an instigation of marshal law. However what followed was more interesting.
"Yesterday's incident at Gatwick airport, where three people were killed and ten people were injured; three seriously, continues to cause chaos in the area. Some flights are expected to resume from the south terminal tomorrow now that the Health and Safety Executive have completed their onsite investigation. Investigators from the Department of Transport are expected to give a news conference in about thirty minutes with preliminary conclusions to the cause of the crash."
"Removal of the destroyed terminal building started about an hour ago and the bulldozers will be working through the night clear the site. The airplane was towed to a remote hanger where a full structural inspection has started. Early indications are that the plane has suffered too much damage and specialist will be brought in to break up the plane."
Simon tuned out the rest of the news. He had a thirst for knowledge about the cause of the plane crash.
He tried to sit up a bit straighter but found the pain emanating from his lower abdomen still quite uncomfortable. Not wanting to be beaten Simon gritted his teeth and tried again. This time he moved his pillows that propped him up and was able to succeed. Wondering why his pain was in the abdomen and not in his groin he lifted his hospital issue gown and noticed his groin was well bandaged. Emanating from the groin was a small tube attached to a bag; must be a catheter. As he lifted the gown higher he saw the stitches from his operation.
Simon lowered the gown as he noticed that they had switched to the imminent Department of Transport press conference. The picture showed a room full of journalists with an empty top table. The news presenter continued to drone on about the incident and the impact it had on flights out of Gatwick. As she continued five people trooped into the room and took their positions. The middle person started to speak and the camera slowly zoomed in towards him. However the presenter didn't switch the sound feed.
In his frustration Simon shouted at the screen, "Turn on the voice feed."
Unfortunately Simon's vocal outburst didn't reach the presenter and it was another twenty seconds before the voice feed was switched.
"The two flight recorders were recovered from the site and investigations in conjunction with the airplanes manufactures have shown-"
Then there was silence and the picture froze for a few seconds before going back to the presenter. "I'm sorry but we seem to have experienced a problem with the feed from the press conference. We will endeavour to re-establish the feed but in the meantime we will continue with other news."
Simon picked up televisions remote control and turned the television off. Why did the hospital only have one twenty-four hour news channel? Why didn't they have Sky News or CNN? All the frustration was too much and he hurled the remote control across the room.
For the first time since the accident his façade of emotional stability slipped and he felt his eyes sting with salty moisture. His thoughts went back to the last time he cried when he found himself trapped under the rubble and his later conversations, still while trapped, with his mother. His mother's voice wouldn't be there to comfort him anymore. The moisture in his eyes grew and turned into a steady trickle down his stubbly face.
***
Sally was just finishing her handover to the night sister, Jasmine, when she saw Simon throw something across the room. As she watched she saw him struggle against his emotions and fail.
"Oh hell," she muttered and as she rushed towards Simon's room. "Jasmine, call Dr Ruiz on speed dial 13912 and get her down here immediately."
When Sally entered she rushed over and made sure that Simon hadn't done anything foolish. On seeing that he was physically well she sat next to him and took his hands in hers. Not saying anything she just let him know that there was somebody there if he wanted to talk. It also was a restraint if he wanted to harm himself.
In five minutes Dr Ruiz walked into the room and sat slightly in front of Simon who was beginning to calm down. The sobbing caused by built up anguish and repressed emotions settled into a steady but gentle tickle of tears. Rachel looked around and saw the remote control lying by the far wall with the two batteries close by.
"Do you want to talk about it?" asked Rachel.
Simon nodded. "Do you want Sally to stay or would you rather talk privately?"
As if she was a magician Sally produced a box of tissues and Simon extracted one. He cleared his face, wiping the streaming mucus which was threatening to enter his mouth. Sally purposefully placed them within his reach; he would need them later.
"If she doesn't mind staying then I think it would be nice. She's been a comfort to me."
Sally who was still holding Simons hands released one and poured him some water into his plastic cup. Simon gratefully took it and took some sips.
"What upset you?" opened Rachel.
"I was watching the news. I was trying to find out what they were saying about me and my parents. Also if there was any update on the cause of the accident."
"And why did the news report cause you to throw the remote control?"
"There was a live press conference on the planes failure to stop. They were going to reveal the cause and they lost the feed. I waited half an hour for the conference and I still don't know the cause."
"That upset you?"
"I cried a bit and that brought back some memories from yesterday."
"Tell me about yesterday."
Simon looked at her in surprise and blinked his eyes as a solitary tear ran down his cheek. He took a deep breath as he attempted to regain his composure and get some control of his emotions. After another sip of water Simon answered in a flat unemotional voice, "A plane failed to stop, crashed into the terminal building causing it to crash. My parents died and I was mutilated."
Sally flinched at Simon's description of being mutilated.
"Don't you think that mutilated is rather a strong term?"
"No. My manhood was removed. It was mutilation."
"I thought Dr Millard explained that your penis and genitalia were beyond repair."
"I bet that Dr Millard couldn't wait to attempt to perform the world's first sex organ transplant," Simon spat out, his anger starting to rise again. "It was probably very risky to attempt the transplant."
"Dr Millard had already assessed that your own organs were irreparable before he got word of your mother's death. Your mother's death didn't cause him to decide on the SRS route. The risk was negligible. A thirty-two year old woman whom was going to receive chemotherapy had some ovarian tissue removed and frozen. After she was given the all clear she had the tissue transplanted back. It was announced a few months ago at the European Fertility Conference in Berlin that she is now pregnant."
"So I'm not the first?" said Simon starting to calm down again as he began to doubt his previous assessment of Dr Millard.
"You are the first to receive a complete reproductive organ transplant. The lady who is being treated in Brussels only had part of her ovary frozen. Also she was getting her own tissue. What was implanted into you originated from your mother."
"But I know Mum and Dad were trying for a baby. What if Mum was pregnant?"
"That isn't possible," said Rachel. "When they transplant an organ they clean it to remove any old blood. The doctors don't want any possibility of infection. There is no chance that you're pregnant."
Rachel saw that Simon was still in shock and bewildered with the sudden change in his life. Acceptance and being able to move on was still a long way off but at the moment he didn't appear to be suicidal.
Rachel glanced at her watch and saw it was nearly nine. She walked over to the remote and placed the batteries back in. With a quick flick she turned on the news channel. They were showing the weather for tomorrow.
"They will have the headlines at nine and they will probably show the summary of the press conference."
"Thank you." Simon might have been a superb sportsman and relatively man's man but his parents had instilled a good set of skills. Politeness was just one of them.
A few minutes later, "The headlines at nine. Preliminary findings show that mobile phone interference caused a corruption of the onboard computer communication system leading to a systemic failure of the onboard computer. Without the computer, which controls all aspects of the fly-by-wire system the pilot lost the ability to break. Other onboard systems were seriously impacted and emergency steering systems were one of the only controls that worked."
Sally had been watching the news with Simon. Rachel however had moved to one side and was quietly observing Simon's reaction. As soon as he heard the results Rachel saw Simon let go of his grip on Sally's hands. His brow, which had been tense, relaxed.
"I think we should call it a night," said Rachel turning off the television.
Simon nodded as Sally lowered the back rest so he could lie-down. As Simon settled for the night Sally and Rachel left the room leaving him under the careful watch of Jasmine.
A Different Plane of Existence
By Karen Page
(revised January 2005)
Edited by Angel O'Hare
Permission to use of characters from No Half Measures has been kindly given by Jenny Walker.
Part Three
The capacity crowd in the stadium burst into a tumultuous applause as the last contestant, from Zululand, stepped out of the tunnel carrying his own Isijula spear.
The commentator gleefully updated the audience, "Russia is in third place missing the target by three hundred centimetres. America is second missing by only one hundred and fifty centimetres. Currently in first place is the ex whale hunting harpooner from Japan missing by sixty centimetres."
The starting bell rang and the contestant took a small run and hurled the spear. It reached it peak and began its descent embedding itself firmly into the parched grass.
"That was close," informed the commentator. "Just eighty centimetres from the target. This places him in second position."
He walked back to the starting position and concentrated on the task. The bell rang, signalling his second attempt and the final shot of the contest. He took a slight run and a launched the spear into the air. As the spear followed through its flight path the audience fell into silence. People could tell that this was a very good shot and looked like it might hit the target. As the spear gained downward velocity the target became visible. It appeared to be a person tied to the floor with their arms and legs spread like a giant X. The spear got closer to the target and the face became visible. It was me.
***
The stillness of the ward at night was shattered with a piercing shriek. Jasmine quickly glanced at her monitor and saw a visibly distraught patient. She quickly left her station and entered Simon's room. Simon was still lying down, his eyes tightly shut, tossing his head as he tried to eradicate the vision that was feeding on his will to live. Jasmine slightly lowered the inspection light and after turning up to face the ceiling turned it on. This gave a low defused glow in the room.
The distress inflicted on him by the nightmare blocked out any other observations. It was therefore quiet a surprise to him when Jasmine took his hands into hers.
"Nightmare?" asked Jasmine.
"Yes," responded Simon in a very weak voice. "I've never dreamt something that seemed so real. I thought I was going to die."
Jasmine poured Simon a glass of water from the now rather warm bedside jug. He took a small amount and rinsed it round his mouth, trying to remove the nasty lingering taste.
"If you feel up to it, tell me about your dream. It will help you settle."
Simon thought about it for a minute and then nodded his agreement. He explained about the dream and discussed it with the kind nurse.
"It seems strange discussing it," Simon concluded.
"Why?"
"Well I feel sort of detached from the dream. At first it felt so real, but now I can see how silly it was. I'm sorry for disturbing you."
"Disturbing me?" she said with a giggle. "I was just sat at the nurse's station. It has been a change doing something other than prepare bed schedules for tomorrow's surgeries. Now let me give you a quick bed bath and some clean nightclothes. You appear to have excreted a significant amount of sweat during your nightmare."
After Jasmine cleaned Simon up she helped him don his new clothes and he settled down. Within five minutes, he was back asleep with Jasmine again monitoring him from the nurse's station.
***
At half eight Dr Ruiz walked down to see Jasmine. "How is Simon this morning?"
Sally walked in a few seconds later, carrying a large coffee, removed her coat and hung it up.
"Fine, he woke at about seven and has been watching some music videos on VH1. He had a traumatic nightmare at about two this morning, which caused him to cry out. I comforted him and got him to tell me about the dream. He went back to sleep at about three."
"Tell me about the nightmare."
"I wrote down the description so you can add it to your file." Jasmine passed the paper.
"Thanks". Rachel spent the next few minute reading it she then passed it to Sally to read. "What was his initial reaction?"
"Very withdrawn and quiet, he took a bit of encouragement to talk about it and afterwards was a bit embarrassed and apologised for disturbing me."
"Mmmm, Simon appears to have a very interesting personality. Since today is Monday, we might be able to get somebody at his school. I know it is a school holiday but we might be lucky."
"Dr Millard wants to remove the catheter later this morning," explained Sally as she savoured her first real coffee of the day. "I will then introduce him to urination using his new equipment. This will include a discussion on hygiene."
"Can you give me some notice before you remove the catheter?" asked Rachel. "I'd like to observer his reaction. I'll also come and speak with him later after the removal on how he feels. We need to try and keep him positive and see if we can move him forward."
"What about long term?" asked Jasmine. "Once he is physically healed what will happen to him? If he goes to a children's home in this fragile state he will probably end his life."
Dr Ruiz and Sally just nodded glumly; they had had similar thoughts and were concerned to raise them as they tried to promote a positive attitude for Simon's wellbeing.
***
"Hello Simon," opened Sally as she breezed into the room, livened up by her coffee. "How are you today?"
"Feeling a bit better," responded Simon. "I suppose Jasmine told you about the bad dream."
"Yes. It sounded horrible." Sally moved across to Simon and gave him a tender hug which after a few seconds he tentatively returned.
"Thank you," said Simon softly as they parted. His body didn't appear to be in as much pain as yesterday. He was able to move his arms without much apparent pain. He appeared flustered not knowing how to respond. "I've not had a hug like that from anybody other than my Mum and Dad."
Simon looked like he wanted to say something further so Sally just nodded and waited for him to continue.
"Can I ask a favour?" he nervously asked.
"Ask away"
"Is it possible to borrow a CD player?"
"What do you want to listen to?" responded Sally.
"I was watching a video of Cara Malone's song No Half Measures and it sort of reminded me of my current situation. The first verse starts of with 'Yesterday's hopes are today's shattered dreams'. I think it is about giving it your all in the face of adversity. While thinking about the CD I remembered there was a track on the album she composed when her mother died. I've been having trouble feeling anything since my parent's death and I thought it might help me organise my thoughts."
"Let me see if somebody has the CD," responded Sally. "One of my other flat mates, Tina, works in the children's ward. They have quite a selection so I'm sure they will have it." She paused for a second and continued with, "Today Dr Millard is planning to remove your catheter. When he does you will be able to start moving around a bit. However if I manage to find this CD and a CD player I want no dancing. You won't be up to it!"
Simon gave a small smile at that and gave a small nod of acquiescence.
***
"Hey Tina, Sally here."
"Oh hiya. I'm on for Wednesday, if that's why you're ringing."
"Not quite, but it's good to know that the old drinking team will be back together! Why I was ringing was that we have a younger patient down here who has asked to borrow a CD. We have a player but would you happen to have a copy of Cara Malone's album?"
"Of course we have it. It is very popular with the older children. I'll see if I can get my hands on it later. If it's out it will be with Tom. We've let him have a CD player by his bed since he can't move much. He got his leg broken in that plane disaster."
"I thought most of the passengers were okay?"
"Apparently, he fell over as the passengers were being evacuated. Some of the passengers behind him panicked and he was trampled on. Poor boy has just moved to England with his mother from America. Not much of a welcome to the country is it?"
***
"Hi, Dr Millard, are you going to remove the catheter?" asked Simon in a slightly bored tone.
"Let me have a guess. You're bored and you want to get out of bed?"
Simon gave a small laugh his feelings growing for the doctor. He didn't appear to be as stuffy as the doctors he saw when he had to have his appendix removed.
"Well the catheter isn't stopping you getting out of bed. Yesterday you were still getting over your operation and could hardly move. You needed time to recover from the anaesthetic and surgery. However if all looks like it is healing then we will remove the catheter. Keeping it in too long isn't good for you. Now if you will please lie down and I'll check you out."
Dr Millard removed the bandage and Sally pulled down the inspection light and let it illuminate the wound.
"This is healing nicely," stated the doctor. "The swelling is reducing and there are no obvious open wounds. I will remove the catheter which should be relatively painless."
After the catheter was removed Simon felt a bit strange. "I feel a bit draughty and bare. Are you going to bandage me up again?"
"I don't see any need to do so. Most of the physical wounds are healing nicely. You will still need to take things easy over the next few days but you will gradually get stronger. However Dr Ruiz is still concerned about your mental wellbeing."
"I'm sorry that I was a sharp with you both yesterday. I can only presume it was the shock of my whole life just taking a major change. She helped a lot later on yesterday and during the night Jasmine was excellent. I'm not happy being a girl and have a lot to think about. I would love to talk with Dr Ruiz later on today."
"I'll talk with her to try and get her down this afternoon. However, before that Sally needs to explain about your new anatomy and how to go to the toilet as a girl." With that, Dr Millard left leaving Sally alone with a very nervous Simon.
Sally glanced at the half empty jug of water. "I see that you have had plenty to drink so this should be easier. Since this is a private room you have your own toilet so this shouldn't be too embarrassing."
"You're still incredibly weak from the operation," said Sally. "Would you like to try urinating in the toilet or with a bedpan?"
"The toilet," Simon replied trying to inch towards the edge of the bed. "I remember trying to use the bedpan after I had my appendix removed. I hated it."
"Okay, the toilet it is," Sally replied helping Simon swing his legs over the edge of the bed. "Now let me help you stand as you're still weak."
"Why is it taking me so long to recover?" Simon asked impatiently.
"You had a very major operation," replied Sally ignoring Simon's impatience. "Your body needs time to recover. You're doing very well to be attempting to move to soon."
As Simon stood up he felt very unstable and held onto the bed to regain his balance. "Let me help you," offered Sally taking Simon's arm. Propping him up Sally slowly helped Simon along.
"Okay," said Sally as Simon approached the toilet, "you're going to have to pass water sitting down, so hike up your highly fashionable hospital gown and take a seat."
Simon sat down with relief on the toilet. Just the short walk to the toilet had worn him out. He attempted to urinate but nothing happened. "Er Sally? Nothing is happening. I'm trying to wee but it doesn't appear to work."
"Let me try an old trick we sometimes use in circumstances like this. I'll be back in a second so don't go away!"
Sally disappeared and returned a moment later with a fresh jug of water and a large glass. "Drink this," she said offering him a large glass of water.
Simon took the drink and it quickly vanished down his throat. He was then given another one. This however took longer to disappear. A third glass was offered and he looked at her in astonishment. "You want me to drink a third glass? Is this torture? I don't think I could manage it."
"Try. Now when you want to urinate do so, but also try to stop the flow. Try and feel the muscles and get some control."
Simon took gentle sips and managed to drink about half. "I'm full up of water," he complained. "I can't drink any more."
Sally took the glass off him. After a few minutes, Simon was just as frustrated. "Let see if this works," muttered Sally as she switched on the CD player she'd also brought in. Different sounds of flowing water drifted across the room. The sounds ranged from somebody filling a glass of water to a dripping tap. A few seconds into the sound of crashing waves a stream of urine flowed out.
"Oh well done," crowed Sally. "Try and stop the flow."
After a few attempts, he managed to succeed. Gradually feeling the muscles Simon managed to stop and restart the flow a few times before he was finished.
"Now when you had a penis you would be able to shake the remaining droplets off. However, that is no longer an option so you must wipe yourself. You should also wipe from front to back so not to get anything unpleasant in your vagina and urethra. Wiping incorrectly is one of the causes of yeast infections such as thrush and urinary tract infections."
Simon took a piece of paper and wiped as directed. This was the first time that he had touched himself since the operation. He gingerly wiped himself as directed and stared stony faced at the far wall.
"You finish up here while I take the CD player back to the nurses station," explained Sally. "I'll put it in your room later when I get the CD from the children's ward.
She took her time at the nurse's station to chat with one of the other nurses about a different patient before returning to Simon. Even though it had been a good five minutes he was still seated on the toilet but had covered his nether regions up with a towel.
"Are you finished?" she asked.
"Yes," responded the ashen Simon. "With the bandages off I would like to put on some underwear."
"Of course," she acknowledged. "I've put a selection on your bed. Let's wash your hands and I'll help you back to your bed."
With Simon having washed his hands they made their way back to the bed. Simon was pleased to have the catheter out as it showed a further step on his recovery. As they neared the bed Simon saw there was a wide range of underwear.
"What style of underwear you pick to wear is up to you," said Sally as she noticed Simon staring at them. "Well just put the rest in the draw next to the bed.
On the bed were four different styles of underwear. He examined each one. First was a thong, not much material there. Second was a pair of panties similar to what his girlfriend Kirsty used to wear. Third was a pair of male briefs and lastly a pair of shorts.
Normally Simon wore shorts, which he donned. They fitted okay around the waist but without his penis and genitals they felt wrong. He decided to try the briefs. This fitted more snugly and felt more comfortable. He picked up the two female panties and carried them like bombs across to the draw, stuffing them in. Since he had put on the shorts he put them in a plastic bag in his bedside cupboard.
Sally who had been accompanying him smiled sadly to herself. Rejecting the female panties was not unexpected but his reaction to seeing his new genitalia was worse than she had hoped for. She helped Simon back into bed, went back to the nurse's station and wrote her observations in her daily report to Rachel. She watched via the CCTV as Simon snuggled into bed and fell asleep, exhausted from the minor exercise.
***
After lunch, Tina brought down the CD. "Here's the CD you wanted. How long is she going to borrow it for?"
"She?" thought Sally. "Oh, since this is a ward of male to female transsexuals I suppose Tina would assume that this is a girl."
"Er, I think she will be finished by tonight. If so I will run it up before going home."
"Are you working late again?"
"Yes. Short staffed so having to work an extra half shift. Jasmine is doing the same."
"Will you be finished by Wednesday?"
"That's a point. I think I will have to postpone it."
"Okay. See you later."
As Tina left Sally took the CD player into Simon who had woken up from his rest and had propped himself up in bed.
"Hi Simon, how are things going?"
"Crap. I was watching the news and the crash is beginning to become a political fight between Labour and The Conservatives."
"How?"
"Well the Labour transport minister was promising tightening of the legislation on placing an aircraft in danger. The Tories have now reacted saying that the incident was caused due to lack of government investment in the industry and the part privatisation of the National Air Traffic Service."
"What do you want to do?" asked Sally
"I've an idea; do you have some plain paper and a pen?"
"Yes why?"
"Let me have a while and I'll show you. Ooh is that the CD player?"
"Yes. Tina from the children's ward just brought down the CD. When you've finished with it please let me know as Tina said No Half Measures is a very popular CD."
Sally plugged in the CD player and put it next to Simon's bed. "Now remember no dancing while I get the paper."
When she returned Simon asked, "Would it be possible to be left alone for the next couple of hours while I listen to the CD and think about my parents? I know you are all concerned about me and after yesterday, I presume that the room is monitored?
"It's for your own safety," responded Sally.
"I don't mind," continued Simon. "It is nice that you all care. It is just I don't want you to worry if I get upset and emotional. I promise not to hurt myself."
"Okay but if I see anything too irrational then somebody will check on you. We are responsible for you and there would be hell to pay if anything happened to you."
Sally left and he spent the best part of the next hour scribbling away on the paper. When he'd finished he turned on the CD. Soon the wispy coral sound of "Waiting in Heaven" floated through the room. The raw passion of a voice that at times sounded like it was barely in control wreaked havoc with his emotions. As the song entered its finale, tears streamed down his face.
Simon sat still engulfed in silence as he started to remember the good times that he had with both of them. The way they had fussed over him on his first day at school. They must have taken two rolls of film that day. As he got older his parents were always there to see every rugby match that he played in. When entering puberty his dad showing him how to shave. When his friendship with Kirsty blossomed into a romance his mum was there with advice. How would he be able to live his life without the bedrock that his parents gave?
How would my parents have reacted to be loosing my manhood? This was a difficult one. They had quite traditional views on items such as marriage but also had very open attitudes towards other people. A comment my father once said came to mind, "Appearance matters only for initial impressions; what carries a relationship is what is in the heart. Be true to yourself and you have nothing to fear." They had always shown unconditional love. Punishments were fair and fitted the misconduct. Yes, they would have found it difficult but would have been supportive.
Simon rose gently from the bed and looked out of the window. He leaned against the white windowsill and stared at the activity below. From this position he could see the main road and life generally pass by. He watched as he saw a young girl, who appeared to have only recently learnt to walk, amble down the road with her parents. The girl, who was holding onto her mothers arm, tripped against a raised paving slab and burst into tears. He watched with tears in his eyes as the mother scooped her baby into her arms and the father kissed her knee's better.
As they moved off Simon stood staring out of the window watching the passers by while remembering being a member of a family. Naturally his memories were not just of his parents but also included his grandfather. The last thing he remembered his dying grandfather saying was "Don't morn my passing. I'll still be watching over you. However after I'm buried I want you to join with your parents and celebrate the good things of my life. Remember the fun things we have done together and not the funeral."
He looked at the watch left by the same grandfather. It was half past six, had he really been reminiscing for over two hours? One of his favourite memories of his father was listening to the evening comedy on radio four. Simon looked to see if the CD player could receive radio. After finding it could he tuned it to the correct frequency. "I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue" was just starting. This was one of his favourites and as the teams were being introduced he remembered the laughter he used to share with his father.
Rachel had come down to see Simon and was surprised to hear the chortle over a radio program. Sally had informed her that he wanted to be left alone to brood over his parents. Crying had been the minimum she had expected but not laughter.
Not wanting to intrude and break the moment she hovered at the door waiting for a good time to enter. As she waited she heard the radio say
"Next we have 'One Song to the Tune of Another'"
What ever is he listening to? However she decided to listen hoping it would give insight into his personality. The presenter continued to explain the game and said, "Okay first up is Tim. I want you to sing 'Jerusalem' to the tune of 'The Birdie Song'."
Rachel heard the first few moments of the song and moved away back to the nurse's station trying to suppress her own laughter.
"That was not what I expected," informed Rachel.
"He was very introspective earlier and did quite a bit of crying. I wanted to go in and comfort him and I found it very difficult to stay away. He then changed from the CD and put on the radio. I watched as his mood changed from tearful to cheerful. Whatever he has been brooding about all afternoon he has come to some conclusion."
"I'll leave him to finish listening to this program before interrupting him. Simon has been through a lot of pain over the last few days and if the radio cheers him up then there is now way I'm going to interrupt that," explained Rachel as she watched the monitor.
A few minutes after the program finished the melody of The Archers whistled out of the radio. "Mum used to like listening to it," thought Simon to himself, "but I'm afraid that this is one tradition I'm not going to continue with."
Rachel entered the room just as Simon switched off the radio. It was at that moment that she saw his state. Visible tearstains looked stark on his face. The top of the hospital gown appeared to be damp from the emotional upheaval from the previous hours. As Simon sat in the chair next to his bed he sighed and tiredly rubbed his eyes.
"How are you feeling?"
Simon looked up with a look of surprise. "I hadn't heard you come in."
"Sorry, you were very preoccupied. So, how do you feel?"
"Shattered, but feeling a bit better about my parents."
"Why is that?" asked Rachel taking a seat.
"I was worried what they would have thought about me now. I contemplated my life and realised that my parents loved me for me. What was between my legs was inconsequential."
"How are you feeling about your parent's death?"
"Slightly better. I miss them terribly. However, I know that they are gone and there is nothing that I can do about it. I feel hurt that they are gone and aren't going to be here to help me through my injuries."
"Who do you blame for your parents deaths?"
"Lots of different people. It appears to change by the hour. Currently I blame the people who switched on their mobile phones. Sometimes it is the designers of the building, other times God or even sometimes Mr Wilson."
"Who is Mr Wilson?"
"He is Kirsty's foster father. Actually she was adopted about a year ago; she had been fostered by them for about three years prior to that. He got a new job else where in the country and were moving. Mr and Mrs Wilson were like second parents to me as I spent so much time with them. Kirsty's and my parents decided that it would be best if I wasn't around when they moved so we were going on holiday."
"Okay. What were your parents like? Tell me about them."
For the next half hour Simon described them and went on to talk about is final hours talking to his mother. As his description went on he became more emotional and tears trickled down his face. However Simon continued expressing his memories and showing his obvious love for his now dead parents.
Simon slowly regained his composure and asked Rachel, "Have you seen the news today regarding the accident?"
"Are you meaning how the politicising of the incident?"
"Yes. I've put something together and wonder if you would have a look?"
As Rachel nodded, Simon passed the paper he had composed. As she read it she occasionally gave quick glances at Simon.
"Are you sure you're only fifteen?" she asked rhetorically. As she finished she asked "The comments have upset you that much?"
"Yes. They don't appear to have any real thought for the people injured or killed. I just hope that this refocuses them into doing something positive."
"Well I think it is well written and I hope that it does the job. Now you have written it how are you going to release it?"
"Here is a sheet of paper with whom it should be sent to. I don't have a fax or phone number but directory enquiries should be able to help."
"Leave it with me and I'll get it too him tonight." Rachel paused to collect her thoughts on where the conversation had previously been going. "You were very reticent to talk yesterday. You put up a front trying to suppress your emotions. Yet today you are talking about your parents and have been crying. What has changed?"
Simon just sat there, his eyes still moist.
"Something happened," prodded Rachel. "What was it?"
"I had a bad dream last night and it upset me greatly. Jasmine came in and helped me. She showed me that it is best to talk about your feelings rather than bottle them up. I've repressed my emotions for years and was having difficulty expressing them. I remembered a CD I'd heard called No Half Measures by Cara Malone. It contains a song written when her mother died. Her sentiments were not quite mine but were close enough, coupled with her raw emotion, to help me show mine."
"Can I listen to it?"
"Sure," he said turning on the CD player selecting the correct track. The song played out of the small speakers and the emotion of the singer filled the hearts of the small but attentive audience.
"I wonder how long after her mother died that she recorded this," thought Rachel. "She sure did sound highly emotional."
The song finished with
"Oh how I wish I could see you now, lifted beyond the stars
No more hurt, no more pain, almost too wonderful to be
Through my tears I steel myself, clinging to the edge of hope
Heaven is to be with you again - so save a place for me."
The silence filled the still air and a blanket of tension engulfed them. Nothing was said as both of them sat considering themselves. Rachel, who was used to dealing with other peoples emotions watched Simon through her own blurry eyes. Whoever Cara Malone was she certainly knew how to tug at people's heartstrings.
After about ten minutes of introspection Simon broke the silence, "Thank you for your help." Simon dried his eyes from a rapidly diminishing box of tissues. "Today has been difficult and I feel tired, can we continue tomorrow?"
"How about ten o'clock?"
Simon nodded and continued, "Would it be possible to give the player and CD back to Sally."
Rachel walked carrying the items leaving Simon alone.
***
"How is he?" asked Sally who was just finished handing over to Jasmine.
"He talked a lot about his parents. I've yet to find out about the radio program and how he managed to laugh at a time when he had just been through so much. Also he talked very little about how he is coping with himself and I feel he his avoiding this. Simon is so exhausted so he should go to sleep quite easily. However he still has issues that are troubling him greatly and his refusal to deal with them will undoubtedly lead to more nightmares."
A Different Plane of Existence
By Karen Page
(revised January 2005)
Edited by Angel O'Hare
*BEEP* *BEEP*
"What the…" mumbled Rachel as she grabbed her pager.
She rubbed her eyes and looked at the illuminated screen. It had one solitary word, "SIMON". She peered through bleary eyes to see the message time which was displayed in a small font on the top right, "23:30".
Rachel straightened her clothes and walked smartly to the lift. Two minutes later a rather dishevelled Rachel appeared at the ward to find most of the patients had been awoken and occasional screams of terror emanating from Simon's room. Her pace quickened as she heard the scream of absolute terror. As she opened the door her first sight was of Simon crouched beside a desk like he was trying to hide from something. His eyes were wide open with what could only be described as primordial fear. Jasmine was standing near him, a fresh coffee stain on her uniform, not knowing what to do.
"This wasn't in his medical notes," muttered Rachel as she watched Simon give another scream, jump over his bed and hide at the other side. It was as if he was trying to avoid something. Simon's adrenaline was pushing him beyond what his healing body would normally cope with.
"Simon, it's okay. We're here to help," soothed Rachel as she approached Simon. She crouched beside him and continued to utter southing statements. This continued for another five minutes as Simon gradually came down from his adrenaline induced high. His breathing began to settle.
"Help me put him back to bed," asked Rachel to Jasmine. As he was put to bed he fell back into his deep sleep.
They watched Simon for a minute before leaving him to his sleep. When they exited they noticed that the rest of the night staff had reassured the other patients and things were starting to quieten down.
"Don't tell me that was a nightmare. His initial scream was that blood curdling that it caused me to drop my coffee."
"No, that had most of the symptoms of something called a night terror. It is very rare for people past ten years old. Nightmares occur during REM sleep. Night terrors occur during the time of deepest non-dreaming sleep. Even though his eyes were wide open he was actually fast asleep. You did the right thing by not trying to wake him up; that will just prolong the length of the episode. The best thing to do is to try and reassure them and calm them down. If you can get close, sometimes a hug will help but Simon appeared too terrified to even attempt any physical contact."
"Will he suffer more night terrors?
"It is rare to get a subsequent attack on the same night but he may get one tomorrow. For people that suffer from night terrors one of the items that can bring one on is extreme stress or anxiety. Tomorrow I'll work with him to try and work through more of his issues. It might be best for you to be with him when he wakes up as he will still have a lingering feeling of fear."
"After I pressed your emergency button you came very quickly. Didn't you go home?"
"No, several items gave me cause for concern so I decided to sleep on my office couch."
Rachel gave a stifled yawn. "I'm back off to my couch. See you at about eight in the morning."
As Rachel departed Jasmine settled down with an extra sweet cup of tea to continue with tomorrows work lists. She occasionally glanced up at the monitor and watched Simon sleep out the rest of night.
At about quarter to six she saw the first signs of Simon waking up. As he became aware of himself he started to shake from the residual fear. It was at this time that Jasmine slipped quietly into the room and sat on the edge of the bed next to Simon.
"It's okay," she comforted. "There is nothing to be frightened of."
Simon gave a snort of contempt. "I had a bloody night terror and you say there is nothing to worry about. Almost seven years without one and now a night terror and a nightmare the night before."
"I'd been told people didn't remember having night terrors?"
"Generally people don't. I don't remember what occurred, however there are signs that show that I've had a night terror. I have a lingering feeling of fear and my clothes stink of dried sweat. Also I had Dr Ruiz's call bell on my side table but it is now on the windowsill."
Jasmine gave a small smile. "Well aren't you the little Sherlock? Will you be okay?"
"Yes. I used to suffer them on a semi regular basis till I was about six. They became less regular and I suffered my last one at about eight years old. I am wearily used to them."
"Well go and have a shower while I change the sheets. After all the prancing you did last night I think you should make it on your own. You know where the underwear is. Again, as Sally said yesterday, the choice of style is yours."
Simon nodded and padded into the en-suite. He lifted the toilet seat and reached to direct his penis in the correct direction. He reached through the fly in the underwear and found nothing. With a sigh he remembered why he was in hospital and feeling bereft for his familiar genitals, lowered the bottom pan and sat down to urinate.
Again he winced as he wiped himself. His body emanated a slight shudder of revulsion during the process. After washing his hands he walked into the shower. On the shower ledge were three different shower gels of different scents. None were perfumed but were a mixture of slightly masculine and slightly feminine scented products. As he scrubbed his body he noticed that his beard was getting quite full. "I must remember to ask for a razor, even if it is an electric variety," he thought to himself.
As soon as he was dry he wrapped the towel around his waist and entered his room. Jasmine had left after changing the bedding. Lying on top was a clean hospital gown. After putting on the gown he grabbed a clean pair of male briefs.
Just after he finished getting dressed there was a discreet knock on the door. "Breakfast," announced Jasmine as she entered the room. As she neared Simon she gave a discreet sniff to find out which shower gel he had used.
The sniff wasn't lost on Simon who gave a small laugh. "And I'm wearing male briefs, so no trying to peak."
For a moment Jasmine looked a bit embarrassed but quickly changed the subject. "I caught sight of an early edition of some of the papers and it appears you have caused something of a rumpus. I also think one of the tabloids has launched a campaign to tighten up the law."
"I didn't mean to cause such a kafuffle. I just wanted to divert the issue from politics back to something positive."
"As far as I can tell it looks like your wish is coming true. I'm sure that Sally will know more as she often buys a paper on the way to work. Anyway, you had better eat up your breakfast. By the looks of today's schedule you will need all the energy you can get."
"What exciting things are going to happen today?"
"Well, Dr Millard is scheduled to examine how well you are healing. Then I believe Dr Ruiz has managed to shift most other cases to other colleagues, so you will be seeing a lot of her today."
Sally left Simon to eat his breakfast. After the first few mouthfuls, the nausea that he had felt since the operation got worse. Simon ran for the bathroom and brought up a very bitter green mixture. "Just great", thought Simon. "What else could go wrong?"
***
At just past eight Sally arrived in the ward just as Rachel appeared.
"Ah, the gruesome twosome," quipped Jasmine and which Sally responded by sticking out her tongue. Sally placed her coffee, which she'd purchased on the way in, on the side while she got herself settled.
"How did Simon get on?" asked Rachel.
"After you left he slept through till about seven. I've written up my version of last night's fun and also this morning's activity," informed Jasmine handing the observation file to Rachel.
Rachel read through it and handed it to Sally to read. Sally gasped in shock as she read about the previous night's activity. "I'd never heard of night terrors before reading this."
"They are pretty rare," responded Rachel.
"Did you bring your paper in this morning?" Jasmine asked Sally.
"Yes, do you want to borrow it?"
"I heard something on the radio earlier about somebody who had been injured in the plane disaster releasing a statement."
Sally pulled out the paper and there on the cover was the headline in large print, "Disaster Victim Lashes Out."
"I think you need your eyes checked," joked Rachel.
"The newspaper was folded and half stuck out of the door," responded Sally. "I just put it in my bag."
The article read:
Last night the person who had been trapped for 21 hours released a statement via Gatwick Airport press office. The press have been banned from revealing details of the person to protect them during their recovery from horrific injuries and the tragic loss of their parents.
Statement
"Two days ago my parents died a slow, horrible and painful death. They were trapped in a collapsed building for many hours, their lives slowly ebbing away. At the hour of my greatest need my mother, whom was trapped near by, kept me going by her shear will. While we were trapped my mother kept my spirits high by reminiscing over our wonderful life together. As she spoke to me she would have been in immense pain but she never let on. When she was pulled out of the wreckage her body was hardly recognisable as the beautiful women she was.
I could not have grown up to be how I am today without both of my parents. They were kind, loving and never judgemental; I will miss them terribly. As I recover from my life changing injuries I count my blessings that I am still alive but I just wish my parents were alive to help me adjust to my new life ahead.
Just before the accident I stood in the terminal building watching the plane land and taxi to deposit its passengers. There was an area to the right of the plane that appeared to have a lot of workers. As the airplane got close it changed direction to avoid the people. In my mind the captain worked hard to save, not just the people in the airplane, but ground staff. He should not be vilified but posthumously awarded as a hero. The captain didn't cause the accident but certainly did his best to save lives in an impossible situation.
My heart goes out to the wife and children that he leaves behind. I know what is like to loose somebody important and I just hope they one day recover. One of my grandfather's favourite sayings was not to morn the loss but celebrate the life. Remember the good times, the holidays, the love that you all had for each other. Hold on to those memories I know I will.
My thanks go out to all the people involved in my rescue. There are too many to mention and I probably don't know half of what happened on that fateful Saturday. My thanks also go to the medical people on site and those that have looked after me since. These people are often overlooked but without them I would not be here today. Long after a disaster is forgotten medical people are still helping the people injured and they should be saluted for their tireless work. The press often vilifies the NHS but it is in disasters like this that you see the system does work and is probably one of the best in the world.
The investigators quickly found the cause of the disaster; interference from people switching on their mobile phones. Mobile phones are not going to change and nor is the basic design of airplanes. Even if modifications could be made to either of the designs there are too many phones and planes for that to stop future occurrences. The only method to secure future flights is to make the penalty for using a mobile phone on a plane too high for people to even contemplate doing it.
Recently the government and opposition have starting using this disaster to rubbish each other. I was taught that one of the jobs of a government was to protect the interests of the public. However, turning this tragic event into a political circus act is not going to protect the public by stopping this occurring again. Focused debate is good as nobody has an exclusive on ideas but there is no sign of a constructive debate on how to protect the public. I am aware of the adage that a rushed law is often a bad law but at the moment there is not even any sign of a cross party body to examine how to improve the law.
The only thing I ask is that people observe directions not to turn on mobile phones until inside the terminal building. I would not like anybody else to suffer like I and the pilot's family are. I also ask that the government stops trying to keep there jobs and do their jobs, create a better law to help protect the people."
Comment
Both the transport and shadow transport ministers were unavailable to comment on the press release. Downing Street press office said they would examine the press release with interest.
Jasmine and Sally looked up from reading the article. "Aren't you going to read it?" Sally asked Rachel.
"I read it last night before speaking with Simons contact at Gatwick. However I want to read the rest of the article about others reactions."
When they had finished reading page two and three (the normal page three picture of a nearly naked girl had been relegated to page seven) Jasmine concluded, "Well Simon certainly appears to have stirred up a hornets nest."
"Well I just hope that it gives him a bit of relief from his pent up emotions," explained Rachel. "I am due to see Simon at ten; would it be possible for you to show it him before that?"
"No problem," responded Sally quickly drinking her forgotten, and nearly cold coffee. "I'll take it in when I collect his breakfast items."
Rachel departed for her first visit of the day and Jasmine started her handover to Sally.
***
"Good morning, Simon."
"Hi, Sally."
"I see you put that paper to good use yesterday," started Sally. "Have a look at the newspaper."
Simon looked at the paper as Sally slipped out with the breakfast items. He checked the statement for completeness; it was all there. He then read the other items regarding his statement.
"I can't believe that they have published this," said Simon to Sally who had just re-entered his room.
"It wasn't just this newspaper. It is in all the broadsheets as well as all the tabloids."
Simon tuned into the news channel on the television. There was a discussion with technical experts about what could be done to stop mobile telephones interfering with airplane systems. I gave a small grin of satisfaction and switched it off.
"You look rather pleased with yourself."
"I can't believe that my small statement has done this. I just wanted people to look forward and stop anybody else suffering like I have. Nobody should lose their parents at such an early age."
***
"I didn't think that consultants started this early," quipped Simon as Tom Millard entered the room along with Sally and another lady.
"It's half nine so it isn't that early. Anyway, my wife kicked me out of bed."
"Oh well, you can get to the golf course early".
Sally and the other lady looked a bit shocked at the banter.
"I only play golf once a week. I normally work at least a forty hour week. I don't trust my junior doctors that much!" responded the doctor with a grin on his face. "Anyway let me introduce Dr Barbara Smith, she assisted with the transplant."
"Can you please slip off you underwear so the two doctors can examine you," requested Sally as she pulled down the inspection lamp.
Dr Smith face looked surprised when she saw Simon was wearing male underwear. Sally signalled to her not to say anything.
"Excellent work," said Barbara to Tom as she examined his results of the surgery. "It looks like the transplant has taken well. There are no signs of rejection. Has a pelvic examination been performed?"
"No," replied Dr Millard. "It is still quite tender so I would prefer it to wait for a few weeks."
Dr Smith lifted the gown slightly. "I see the lower abdomen is healing nicely. I would say that these stitches can be removed in about five to seven days."
"So apart from the abdomen stitches to be removed and checks by a gynaecologist do you have any objections to Simon being discharged from our care?"
Barbara flinched at the use of the male name. She pondered this for a moment, "No, I've no objection to her being discharged."
Simon winced at the use of the female pronoun, "So what happens to me now?" asked Simon.
"Well, you are physically healing and don't need to be under my care. I am, however, aware that there are mental wounds that need to heal and so you will be under the care of Dr Ruiz. I believe she will be with you shortly to discuss things further."
***
As Sally and the two doctors left Simons room Tom Millard turned and said very formally, "Dr Smith, please accompany me to my office."
This wasn't a request. Barbara could tell that something had upset the doctor and the way she was being addressed she was the cause.
Tom sank into his seat and looked intently at Barbara. After a minute of tense silence Tom asked, "What is the aim of a doctor?"
Barbara looked surprised at the question, "To treat anybody requiring medical help no mater their race, gender or religion."
"Not a bad description," agreed Tom. "How should this be carried out?"
"Caringly. The treatment should be carried out in a compassionate manner, taking into account not just the medical needs of the patient, but respecting any other issues such as religious restrictions. Above all it is important to respect the wishes of the patient."
"So respect of the patient is important?"
"Yes," replied Barbara unsure where this was leading.
"So why did you fail to show respect to Simon?"
Barbara reviewed in her mind the preceding conversation, "In what way was I disrespectful?"
"There were two occurrences where you were disrespectful. Firstly, you didn't look too pleased to see Simon wearing male briefs. Fortunately Simon didn't see this."
"I was surprised at the male briefs but that didn't stop me treating him with respect."
Tom paused for a moment. "Tell me about the patient we are going to operate on this afternoon."
"Hilda Jones is a thirty-five year old. She has been on HRT for three years. The operation is a standard penile inversion. There doesn't appear to be any complicating factors."
"Hilda still has a penis yet you said ‘SHE'. Why?"
"A person's anatomy is not the issue. What is in the mind and soul is. Hilda might still have a penis but is definitely a woman. What has this to do with...Oh; I referred to Simon in the feminine. Yes, I agree, I was disrespectful."
Barbara lowered her head in shame while Tom watched as she reviewed, in her mind, the conversation at Simon's examination. "You only made the one verbal mistake," reassured Tom. "I know that it can easily become habit to refer to all our patients as female. However please remember that all patients are individuals and each has their own needs. Simon is an unusual case so we have to make that little bit extra effort."
***
At ten Dr Ruiz knocked and entered to find Simon reading. He looked up and asked, "Is it that time already?"
Rachel took a seat opposite Simon, "I'm afraid so. How did you get on with Dr Millard?"
"He said I've physically healed enough and has discharged me. Apparently I am now under your care."
"That is correct. I spoke with Dr Millard yesterday and we agreed that when you where physically healed you would be handed over. I didn't think it would be so soon."
"So what happens to me now? Do you put me in a padded cell?"
"Why are you a danger to yourself or others?"
"I think you understand me enough by now to know that I am a fighter. I might be upset about what has happened to me but suicide is not an option. I also might have played rugby and be quite large, but I'm not violent."
"Then I don't think the padded cell will be needed. I want to help you come to terms with your unwanted change. Locking you up will not help you but torment you. How we progress is up to you."
Simon thought for a moment and nodded. Rachel continued with, "What level of rugby did you play?"
"For the last two years I've played for the school team. For the last six months I have played for the county schools team."
"That is quite impressive for somebody who isn't yet sixteen. People don't normally play at county level till seventeen or eighteen."
"It took a lot of practice. The fitness level required took a lot of patience to reach. This is one of the reasons I was upset when I first met you. It appeared that my life has been a waste; I won't be able to play like I used to."
"There are girl's rugby teams."
"Yes, but I wasn't born as a woman so will not be able to compete as a woman. Since I no longer produce testosterone I will not be able to physically compete as a male. I don't have a future with rugby or any competitive game. Since sport was my life then I don't have any life."
Simon reached across and took a drink of water. His heart was beating furiously as he instantly regretted what he said.
"So do you want to end your life?"
Simon appeared to ponder on the question for a few seconds before replying, "I'm not going to commit suicide. I may not have my dream of rugby but that was never a realistic future. I may have been good enough to play for the county but club rugby was never a realistic goal. Rugby gave me more than enjoyment and fitness; it taught me self control, patience, the ability to concentrate on a task and most important, never to give up hope."
Rachel pondered. Yes he might be good at rugby but he also appears to be intelligent, forthright and articulate. Not the signs of somebody who concentrated on the singular task or playing rugby.
"Did your parents encourage your rugby playing?"
"Both of them did. I was always quite surprised that Mum encouraged me as much as my Dad. Both of them were always at the matches supporting me. However, they were both also very firm about my academic work. Evening runs couldn't occur until homework and studying had been completed. They also threatened to stop me attending rugby practice if my grades dropped. This kept me achieving when other players concentrated just on sport."
"Did your parents ever carry out their threat?"
"No, I know they always kept their word so I never let my grades slip."
"You said earlier that you knew your future wasn't in rugby. What did you envisage as your future career?"
"I currently do well in four main subjects; biology, chemistry, maths and computing. This gives me plenty of leeway to decide on my career when I have completed my exams. I don't take my GCSE's till next year so I have plenty of time."
Rachel paused gathering her thoughts on the next line of discussion. Simon obviously had targets outside his rugby and appeared stable enough. Wanting to leave the repercussions of Simon's operation till last Rachel decided to enquire more about the previous night's laughter.
"Yesterday before I saw you in the evening I heard you laughing at a radio program. However when I came in it was evident that you had cried a lot during the afternoon. What made you put on the radio comedy?"
"My grandfather, as he was dying, said to not morn the death but to celebrate the good of their life; remember the fun things not the funeral. One of the things my father introduced me to was the radio comedy ‘I'm Sorry I Haven't a Clue'. When it was on we tried to make time and listen to it together. Last night I was trying to remember the fun things I did with my parents and not them dying. Talking of my parent's death, do you have details about their funeral?"
"The funeral will be arranged by Social Services as the only surviving family, you, are under sixteen. They are organising that your parents bodies be transferred to you home town. The nature and date of the funeral has yet to be finalised. Some children find it too difficult to deal with the death of their parents so don't want to be involved. Do you want to attend the funeral and do you want to be involved with the arrangements?"
"Yes to both," responded Simon. "I am surprised that Social Services have yet been in contact."
"They have but until you had fully recovered from the operation Dr Millard refused them access. Since you're discharged from Dr Millard it is up to me to decide if you are mentally well enough to deal with some of these issues. So far you appear to have handled the death of your parents well. You have been grieving over their death but don't appear to have gone off the deep-end. However, I need to know how you're dealing with your change of sex."
Simon paused for a moment, considering how to put into words the conflicting feelings that had been confusing him over the last few days. He rose from his rather comfortable chair and gazed out of the window at the clouds scurrying across the sky.
"I've struggled with a conflict within myself over the last few days. I've always enjoyed the thought that one day I would become a parent, well a father. When I was told that the building collapse probably removed my chance of being a parent I was very despondent. When I came round from the operation I was informed that my penis had been removed and to most people I was now a girl. On top of that my parents were both dead. I have never felt so down and alone. Then, as if from nowhere, I am told that I can have children. I was still sad but there was hope; all my dreams where not gone."
"Why is being a parent so important to you?"
"I don't know," replied Simon with a shrug. "It is that life is so precious. If a child can be raised in a loving, caring way it appears to be really rewarding. I noticed how my parents really gave all their love to me. My conception was an accident that occurred soon after they got married. Until recently my parent's jobs were very poorly paid and where unable to give me much accept love. When there was a school trip they often scrimped to save up for the cost. There was one thing that I had that a lot of other children didn't have, was a lot of unconditional love. Since my parents have become more affluent they started trying for another child but were never successful. As I've seen my parents get so much from raising me I always wanted the same."
"Let me summarise," injected Dr Ruiz. "You want to be a parent but don't want to be female. However, you have a conflict as you know that you could never be a parent if you had stayed male."
"Yes," responded Simon with a gust of pain.
"So would you want your womb removed and a fake penis created?"
"No."
"Why not?" shot back Rachel before Simon's utterance had even finished being spoken.
"Because I couldn't become a parent."
"So being a parent is more important to you than being a man?"
"Yes...No...Oh I don't' know."
"So do you want to be a woman?"
"No."
"Why not? You said you didn't want to be a man."
"I don't want to be a woman. The only reason I don't want to go back to being a man is so that I can have a child."
"So what do YOU want?"
"I don't know. I've been thinking about this but it just gets too complex and too hurtful."
"Is your parents desire for a second child influencing your decision?"
"I don't know." Simon walked back to his chair and sat down looking at the psychiatrist. "One thing I do know is that I don't want any more surgery till I know what I want."
"That I think is very sensible," replied Dr Ruiz. This boy never ceased to amaze her. Not that she would have authorised such surgery until he was eighteen.
"I take it I am now producing female hormones?"
"Yes. It will take a few more days to impact your body but yes your body is no longer producing a normal male amount of testosterone. Your dominant hormone will be oestrogen."
"So will I develop breasts?"
"After a few months slight breast growth would be expected."
"What about my voice?"
"That has already broken. This will not make it any higher."
"What about facial hair?"
"No, that will not disappear."
"Damn," complained Simon. "Even when I was male I always hated shaving."
"So why didn't you grow a beard?"
"That was even worse. I think people who grow beards are lazy. They just can't be bothered to shave. A beard also makes a person look shifty. It looks like they have something to hide."
"So even if you went back to being a man you wouldn't want to have a beard?"
"No."
"So if you had electrolysis to remove your beard you would not be unhappy?"
"No. It would make passing as a girl easier. It would also make my life easier if I decided to become a man again."
"You mean you are lazy but don't want to show it?"
"I think that about sums it up," said Simon with a slight smile in his voice. He then continued in a more serious tone, "What will happen to me? I can't go to a children's home as a girl as I don't look or act like one. I also can't go as a man as I'm no longer equipped to do that and in a few months will have extra attributes which would make passing as a man almost impossible."
"So if you could pass as a girl you would live that way?"
"I don't know. I would give it a try. I think it is the only way I would know which is more important; being a man or being a parent."
Another hour of questioning followed and Simon's mind started to feel numb. Noticing Simon's mind starting to wander Rachel said, "Let's have a break for lunch. I'll make some phone calls and see what we can arrange."
After the effects of breakfast on his nausea Simon was very reluctant to eat much lunch. He pushed it around his plate thinking more about the earlier chat with Dr Ruiz. Was he making the correct decision? Dr Ruiz didn't reject or validate anything during the discussion; she just kept asking question after question.
After about half an hour Sally came to collect the lunch tray. "Are you feeling okay?" she asked seeing only a fraction of the meal eaten.
"I've been feeling a bit sick since yesterday. Today I was sick at breakfast but it didn't help and still feel nauseas."
"Dr Millard said that this might be expected as your body adjusts to the new hormone regime. You body will be receiving unexpected high levels of female hormones. Till your body gets used to it you might feel sick. I'll check with the doctor and see what he advices."
"Well Simon," started Dr Ruiz on her return from lunch. "I've had quite a productive hour and have tentatively arranged some things. All of this is subject to your approval. At about three this afternoon I have arranged for somebody to see you regarding electrolysis. She will discuss the process with you and if you agree make a start."
"Is all the electrolysis going to be done here? We talked about me leaving hospital?"
"Calm down and let me finish. I've also talked to a lady called Kelly Baxter who runs a special tuition in helping tomboys become ladies. This normally runs during the long summer break. During the rest of the year she operates as an adviser to companies on transsexuals. She'd be delighted to assist you in learning how to integrate yourself into school life as a girl. How much of a girl you become is up to you. If at anytime you want to stop and revert to life as a male then that is fine."
"When would I start? Also what do I do about my identification? My birth certificate says Simon and lists me as male."
"If you agree to this then Kelly would come to collect you tomorrow morning. As to your identification, you can change your name via a Deed Poll or via a Statutory Declaration. With either method you end up with an official document stating your name change. You can use that to request changes to your passport and bank details. However you can't currently change your birth certificate. There is a Bill before parliament called the Gender Recognition Bill. If the bill is passed then it will allow controlled changes, via a committee, to your birth certificate. Till the law is passed just use your changed passport for identification purposes. Kelly is an expert in this and will assist you tomorrow."
"Talking of identification, I've come up with a new name. If I'd been born as a girl my parents would have called me Charlotte Allison Turner. That is what I'll change my name to."
"Well Charlotte," said Dr Ruiz with a nice smile. "It's nice to meet you."
There was a knock on the door and after Dr Ruiz shouted "ENTER" Sally popped her head round.
"I've got an Angela to see Simon regarding electrolysis."
"We've just finished," said Rachel beckoning Sally into the room. "Simon has agreed to go and stay with Kelly to see if he can cope with living as a girl. Simon has decided to change his name to Charlotte."
"So who won the sweepstake?" asked Charlotte.
"You knew about THAT?" choked Sally turning bright red.
"Where my Dad worked you couldn't go for more than a few weeks without there being a sweepstake on something. There were the usual things, such as a sweepstake for the Grand National, but other things like babies names etc."
"I'll have to look up the winner in the book at reception. I'll let you know later. One thing I do know is that the winner isn't me."
Sally and Rachel left the room and Charlotte awaited Angela to appear. "This is the first voluntary change to make me fit in better as a woman," thought Charlotte as she nervously waited. The nausea that she was feeling was getting worse and she rushed to the toilet and brought up the little lunch she'd eaten.
A Different Plane of Existence
By Karen Page
(revised January 2005)
Edited by Angel O'Hare
Angela examined Charlotte's face for a few minutes and then asked, "I take it you've never had electrolysis before?"
Charlotte shook her head no.
"Do you know anything about it?"
"No...None of this was planned."
"Don't worry," reassured Angela, "I've been told that your case is confidential, so I won't be asking any questions about what happened or your original identity. I've dealt with cases of under sixteen's before and I'm aware that there are normally court orders to ensure confidentiality."
"Thanks," Charlotte replied. "This is difficult enough without the tabloids making me their next sob story."
Angela just nodded. "Well, let's get down to it. This," she said pointing to an innocent looking white box, "is the electrolysis machine." She attached two cables to it. One had a pedal attached, which rested on the floor; the other cable was longer but didn't appear to go anywhere. "I will attach a small needle to the cable which I insert into the hair follicle. When I press the pedal, a controlled current of electricity will weaken the follicle. Using tweezers I gently remove the hair."
"You said it weakened the hair follicle. Does that mean that the hair will grow back?"
"Yes, the hair might grow back but it will be finer. Sometimes a follicle requires several zaps before it gives up. Also not all hairs are active at once. So, you might have a hair that becomes active in thirty days which would need treating. Electrolysis takes time to achieve results but as you are still young your facial hair is not fully established so re-growth won't be as severe as somebody who has finished puberty."
"So when do we start?"
"Today if you want, Dr Ruiz spent quite a bit of time on the telephone with social services getting them to agree to this. Firstly I need to make sure you understand that this is permanent; there is no reversal."
"Even before the accident I hated shaving, it was a chore. Even if I lived as a man I wouldn't want a beard so removal is quite a relief."
"Right, now while I setup why don't you go to the toilet. We are going to be at it for a few hours so I want you comfortable."
When Charlotte reappeared, Angela had the electrolysis machine all setup. She had borrowed an office chair from the nurse's station and moved the pillow to the bottom of the bed.
"How do you want me?"
"Lie down on your side," requested Angela. "That will give me a good angle to work on your face."
As Charlotte clambered onto the bed, her lack of experience of being a woman became apparent. Her gown, which was relatively short, rose exposing the male briefs. Angela noticed but didn't let on.
"How about I start with your cheeks and work my way out?"
Not knowing any different, Charlotte gave a slight nod and lay on the bed. Angela leaned across and began the process. Charlotte looked slightly surprised at the slight warmth as the current was activated.
"I'm going to use the tweezers to remove the hair," informed Angela. "Let me know if you feel it tug. If it tugs then I've not zapped the follicle enough and it would be like plucking the hair. Plucking makes the hair stronger and is diametric to what we want to achieve."
As Angela grasped the hair with the tweezers, it didn't easily slide out. "Did you feel that tug?" she asked.
"I think so," Charlotte replied hesitantly.
"I'm turning the level up two notches," she informed as she twisted small knob. Angela again zapped and this time the hair slid out with no resistance.
When Angela zapped the next hair Charlotte asked, "Aren't you going to remove the hair?"
Angela laughed, "I did. It is because we are at the correct setting the hair just slides out with no feeling."
"I'm impressed. I thought that this would be painful."
Angela just smiled and continued zapping away. She didn't want to tell him that the cheeks were relatively painless but the top lip and jaw would have her jumping off the bed.
After half an hour, Charlotte was asked to twist around so Angela could make a start on the left cheek. "Why change sides now?"
"It gives that side of your body a rest while we do the other side."
Once the thirty minutes on the right side was complete, Angela called a break and went to speak with Sally. Charlotte, thinking the conversation was getting a bit stale, turned on the television to VH1. She thought that Angela looked like she was in her late twenties so shouldn't find the music to unappealing.
The second hour Angela started at the bottom of the neck and started to work her way up. The hair here was sparser and therefore a larger area was covered. Just as Charlotte was turning round for the other side to be done there was a knock on the door and Sally walked in.
"Hi Charlotte, how is it going?" asked Sally as she passed a tube of cream to Angela.
"I feel a little tender where Angela has been zapping me but so far so good. I thought it would be painful but haven't really had any issues so far. What's the cream for?"
"It will numb an area where I'm going to treat so that you won't feel so much pain," answered Angela.
"I've been okay so far," said Charlotte rather cockily.
"Lie still and let me do a hair on your upper lip."
Angela inserted the needle and pressed the pedal down.
"Ouch," yelled Charlotte giving a sudden jerk and then conceded with a weak smile, "Perhaps numbing the area might not be a bad idea."
"Have fun," smiled Sally as she left the room.
Angela thinly spread the cream along the moustache area. "This will give it time to work," she explained. "It reduces the amount of pain by about fifty percent."
The other side of the neck was done and it was soon time for the upper lip. Charlotte braced herself and Angela did the first hair.
"How was that?" she asked Charlotte.
"Not as bad as without the cream," she answered, "but still painful."
"For quickness I'm going to work my way along and zap each hair. I'll then remove the hairs with the tweezers afterwards so the pain is compressed into a short a time as possible."
During the next forty minutes, Charlotte lay there with her jaw firmly set trying to think of anything that wasn't electrolysis. She concentrated on her parents faces thinking of the times that she had struggled to achieve something and their constant support and encouragement.
When the torture was over Angela said, "Well done. A lot of people struggle with the pain when doing the top lip. What gave you the impetus to keep going?"
"I was concentrating on my parents," Charlotte replied. "My Mum managed to cope with being in labour for twenty-two hours. If she could suffer for so long there was no way that I was going to give up. That's a thought. Maybe I could have some Entonox?"
"I don't think the labour ward would be too happy to give away all their toys," Angela replied with a small laugh as she wiped Charlotte's face with some Aloe gel.
"I leave the hospital tomorrow," informed Charlotte. "I take it that you won't be doing the rest of the electrolysis?"
"No, that will be somebody called Wendy. Dr Ruiz organised me to start here but Wendy lives in the area you are going to."
Charlotte looked disappointed which was noticed by Angela. "I used to work with Wendy and I think you will like her. Now make sure that you pack the Elma cream as I think you might need it."
Angela was the first non-medical person that had seen Charlotte since the operation. She was helping treat the results of the medical intervention but she wasn't a nurse or doctor. Angela hadn't commented on the masculine voice or behaviour but treated her compassionately. Compassion was expected from medical personnel but one of Charlotte's concerns was how she would be perceived in the community as she learnt how to be less male.
When Angela left, Charlotte was alone. This was getting to be a bit of a bore. She wandered across to the mirror and peered at her face. The areas that had been treated looked slightly red but not as bad as expected. It seemed strange to see that the top lip was totally devoid of hair. She shuddered at the memory of the pain. After examining the cheeks, she concluded that this looked like the least amount of hair had been removed. However, what was the most startling was the amount removed at the bottom of the neck. The hair used to go all the way past the prominent Adams Apple down to the start of the chest. Now it was mostly cleared with a faint strip of hair emanating from the Adams Apple toward the chest.
Charlotte entered the bathroom where there was a full-length mirror. She removed the gown and underwear and standing naked stared at the reflection in the mirror. The reflection in the mirror was Simon. The rather muscular figure with hairy arms, legs and chest seemed at odds with the reflection from the groin. This was sore, hair free and devoid of the standard male plumbing. For the sake of the people treating him, Simon was trying to become Charlotte; however, when he looked in the mirror the act just failed. Yes, HE was Simon and yes, he felt bereft at the lack of a penis.
Jasmine, just having arrived for work, had gone into the room adjacent to the Simon's room to get a file. She glanced through the one-way mirror and saw Simon, who had left the bathroom door open, standing looking at his reflection. Jasmine stood and watched wondering what was going through his mind. She saw Simon suddenly pick up the hospital gown, which had been lying on the floor, and after placing it back on his body turn and walk briskly to the draws containing underwear. She noticed that the male briefs had been left lying on the floor in the bathroom. Jasmine was surprised as Simon pulled out two panties; the mini style and the thong style.
Not taking her eye from the mirror Jasmine grabbed the telephone and rang the nurse's desk. "Sally, are you watching the monitor?"
"Not at the moment. Why?"
"Turn it on."
There was a pause while Sally leaned across the paper-cluttered desk to switch on the monitor. "What's Charlotte holding?" she asked as she peered at the screen.
"Who's Charlotte?"
"This afternoon Simon decided he would attempt to live as a girl. Charlotte was the name he chose."
"She has a pair of panties in each hand," said Jasmine switching to the new gender. "I think she is contemplating putting one of them on but can't decide between the two different styles. Do you know if Dr Ruiz is available?"
"I spoke with her about ten minutes ago. While on the phone she got paged by A & E. Apparently an ambulance just brought in a teenage suicide attempt. They get a slight rise in the number of cases at this time of the year due to stress of students taking their GCSE and A-Level exams. I don't think she will be available for a few hours."
"Shit. From the look on her face she is fighting not just between which of the styles to wear but if to wear one at all."
They watched as the decision was fought on several fronts. Tears started slowly trickling down her face. Charlotte threw both pairs of panties into the open draw and walked towards the bathroom to retrieve the male briefs. Half way to the bathroom Charlotte stopped; she wiped the tears from her eyes with the sleeve of the hospital gown and strode purposefully towards the underwear draw. She pulled out a pair of plain mini style panties and before either of the discreet watchers could blink, she had pulled them up her hairy legs.
Charlotte then went and sat on the chair tears streaming down her cheeks; the male briefs abandoned in the bathroom. As the tears failed to dissipate the two onlookers started to get concerned. They weren't used to this reaction in this ward; their patients were normally so happy.
"Jasmine," started Sally. "I'll go in and try and comfort Charlotte. Why don't you come to the nurse's station and monitor the situation through the monitor. You can then get assistance if required."
Sally tentatively waked up to the door and knocked. She waited for a few seconds for a response before entering uninvited into the room. Charlotte looked washed out. Her eyes, red from crying, matched the sore skin from electrolysis. As Sally got closer she changed her mind; the eyes looked worse.
Sally took Charlotte's hands into her own. As Charlotte's tears slowly dwindled Sally said, "Why don't you lie down and let's talk."
Charlotte slowly nodded and clambered onto the bed. She lay down in the foetal position hugging one of the pillows. Despite the warmth of the room, Charlotte started to shiver. Sally took the spare blanket from the back of the easy chair and covered Charlotte.
"Now tell me what's wrong. Something must have caused you to get this upset."
"After my session with Angela I decided to have a good look at myself. I stripped naked and looked at myself using the full-length mirror in the bathroom. What I saw was not a girl, Charlotte, but a man without a penis. My body is full of hair and does not have the correct shape. I know I said that I would have a go at living as a girl but I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it. It feels so wrong; my mind is saying man and every time I try to persuade myself otherwise it just doesn't feel correct."
"Oh why isn't Rachel available," moaned Sally to herself.
"Why did you agree to try and live as Charlotte if you feel it is so wrong?" asked Sally.
"We were discussing what I wanted from life. One of my biggest desires is to be a parent. I don't know which is more important, living as a man or becoming a parent. Since I'm now equipped to be a mother and not a father I decided to try and live as Charlotte. Dr Ruiz said I could back out at any stage if I didn't like the situation."
Sally nodded trying to contemplate the dilemma that Charlotte found herself in. Neither option sounded like a perfect solution. As Charlotte, she would hate herself and as Simon would feel that something was missing in his life.
"Isn't this ward for people to have operations to become girls?" continued Charlotte.
Sally smiled at the way the question was phrased. "Well they have always been girls. They are just having the operation so that the body matches the mind. In some respects you are the exact opposite to them; a boy trapped in a girl's body. Why did you put on the panties if being a girl upsets you so much?"
"After seeing my reflection I decided that I needed to try harder to be a girl so I put on a pair of panties. This simple act of putting on a piece of underwear brought such conflict. Logically it is the way forward; my future. However my mind rebelled against such thoughts. Just holding them, knowing that I would be putting them on, caused me such turmoil."
"Let me surmise," said Sally. "You have two main issues. You don't know if the big hairy rugby player will be able to pass as a woman. The other issue is that you don't know if you are going to be able to emotionally accept yourself as a woman?"
Charlotte thought for a few moments, "Yes I suppose that about sums it up."
"Well there is little I can do to help you with the last point. That is something that you will find out as you go along. However, I might be able to help regarding your doubts about if you'll ever be able to pass as a woman. Go and wash your face and I'll be back in a few moments. Try and make yourself presentable as I might be back with a guest."
As Charlotte went to the bathroom Sally slipped out of the room. As Sally went past Jasmine she said, "Charlotte is afraid that she might never pass as a woman. I'm going to see if Sue will help."
Jasmine nodded with a slight smile of agreement.
"Hi Sue," started Sally as she approached Sue's bed. "How are you feeling?"
"I've just finished dilating so feel a bit sore," was the response. "What are you still doing here? Didn't your shift finish a bit ago?"
"Yes, but we have been having a problem," said Sally lowering her voice. "However I need you to be able to keep what you see and hear confidential."
Sue looked at her indignantly. "You know that as a GP I keep all medical items confidential. For the first eighteen years of your life I was your GP. I've kept all your secrets, even that one when you were fourteen."
"Thanks, if my parents had ever found out I'd seen you for emergency contraception and went on the pill I think I would have been grounded for life."
"Well tell me about her. I take it was her that woke the ward up with her nightmare."
"Actually it was something slightly different called a night terror."
Sue looked sharply at Sally, her quiet patient demeanour gone; replaced by the caring, inquisitive medical professional. "How old is she?"
"Fifteen."
"So SRS was due to a medical emergency. I take it she is under quite a bit of stress to get a night terror at that age. How are her parents coping with their son changing into their daughter?"
"Both of the parents are dead. Please don't ask much more as there is a court injunction to protect her identity." Sally went on to explain the current situation.
"Would you like me to talk with Charlotte? I have some photos of me when I was still male. Why don't you give her some of my background? That should give her a better understanding."
"I think that might help," said a relieved Sally.
Sue put on her dressing gown over her nightie and grabbing her handbag followed Sally to the side room. Sue waited outside as Sally slipped into Charlotte's room, "Are you ready for the visitor?"
"I think so," replied Charlotte. "Though I don't know what they will think of me, looking like this."
"Come on in Sue," called Sally raising her voice.
Simon gasped as Sue walked in. She looked like she was just over 6ft but there was nothing masculine about her. "Hi, I'm Sue," she said introducing herself. Sue's voice might have been slightly on the deep side but the intonation screamed female.
"Er, come in and have a seat," offered Charlotte unsure of what to do.
Sally and Sue came and sat opposite. "Am I the first transsexual you've ever met?"
Charlotte gulped and nodded yes.
"Don't worry I don't bite," she said with a reassuring smile. "Anyway you may have met others but never have realised. Now, I only know some of the issues you've had since the operation. I don't have any details of your previous life or name and so we don't break the court injunction let's keep it that way."
"Sue has just had her SRS. I knew Sue when I was younger as until I was eighteen she was my GP. At that time, she was a man called Stuart. That was the day job. When not on call Stuart was a rugby player playing for Wigan."
Sue dug into her handbag and retrieved a photograph from the 1970's. Charlotte just looked astonished that somebody who could have played at such a high level could now look so feminine. After a few moments of quiet pondering Charlotte asked Sue, "I don't mean to be rude but can I ask you some questions?"
"Ask away. I like to help people. That is one of the reasons I wanted to be a doctor."
"When did you know that you wanted to be a woman?"
"I was about eight. I didn't understand why I felt that way. I certainly didn't have a name for the issue. As I grew up, I realised that other people didn't feel the same so I kept quiet. It wasn't legal to be gay in England till 1967 so what chance did a transsexual have. Then in 1970 there was a court case that decided that a transsexual was the sex of birth and a man that changed sex to be a woman was still legally a man. With all that pressure I decided to live with the life I had. I was good at rugby and by playing such a masculine game nobody suspected my secret desire. It wasn't until people like Lynne Jones, she's a MP for the Labour Party, started pushing for the law to be changed that I decided to finally live the life I should."
"Wow," said Charlotte. "How did you manage to survive with being a woman trapped inside the body of a man? Seeing the image in the mirror must have been awful."
"Did you notice in the photograph that I had a beard? If I had shaved, I would have had to look at myself. I kept my hair very short so I didn't have to look in a mirror to comb my hair. Actually what was worse was not understanding why I felt that I should have been doing things my sister was doing. Once I realised that I was actually a girl things became slightly easier."
Sue talked for another hour regarding her past and how she coped with a life knowing the body was wrong. Sally, who only knew some, sat back and the respect that she had for her patient rose.
"Do you think I will be able to ever pass?" asked Charlotte.
"If I could manage it then I'm sure that if that is what you want then you will be able to achieve it. Is it what you want?"
"I don't know what I want. However I'm told that this is my best chance for a normal life so am willing to give it a try."
Sue pondered that response wondering what had caused the person in front of her to have to suffer such a major life change. "I can see that you started on electrolysis today. How was it?"
"The cheeks and neck weren't too bad but the upper lip was a major pain."
Sue laughed and asked, "Talking of pain I presume you've had your packing out. How are you getting on with dilation?"
"What packing and what's dilation?" Charlotte asked unsure what Sue was asking.
"Sue," warned Sally. "I don't think you should be asking questions like this."
"Sally, I know my operation was different from normal. I'd like to hear what Sue has to say. My past is what the injunction was about and Sue has already said that she would keep what she learns in here to herself."
Sally gave a shrug of resignation and Charlotte asked again, "Sue, tell me what the packing is and what dilation is."
"When they construct the vaginal passage they fill it with surgical packing. That is so the body has time to recover before the start of dilation. Since the vagina was constructed from penile tissue it doesn't now how to behave as a vagina. Instead of staying open it will attempt to close and the skin knit together. Patients dilate to keep the new opening from closing."
"So to put it crudely, you have to use something like a dildo to penetrate yourself or you will lose what you had constructed."
Sally and Sue winced at the generalisation but both nodded in agreement.
"So is it painful," Charlotte asked kindly.
"Sometimes," responded Sue, "The removal of the packing was more uncomfortable. However, dilation can be painful but is worth it. I've only been dilating for a few days and it is something that I will get used to. I'm still very sore from the operation but at least I can go home in a few days to recuperate."
"I leave tomorrow," said Charlotte. "I'm going on a course to teach me how to behave like a woman. Well I might end up like a tomboy but I hope to be able to go back to school before the summer holidays. Since I now have no family I'll probably end up in care."
"You said your operation was on Saturday? That's very a very quick recovery time. What are your biggest concerns about living as a woman?"
Charlotte thought for a moment, "Probably in this order; if I will ever be able to accept life as a woman; if I will be able to pass as a woman and lastly I'm dreading having my first period."
Sally glared at Charlotte, which Sue noticed. Sue at first just thought that Charlotte was just not informed that post op transsexuals don't have periods. However, with the look that Sally gave Charlotte she was rapidly changing her mind. Suddenly things began to make sense to Sue; the quick healing times, no need to dilate.
"Was this a transplant?" she asked. Sally glumly nodded her head.
"Well no wonder you're confused," said Sue. "To have to choose between living a full, but conflicted, life as a woman against living as a stable but incomplete male is something nobody should have to decide."
Sue turned to Sally and asked, "Is Charlotte having to take medication to stop organ rejection?"
"No, it was an almost perfect tissue match."
Sue was going to ask another question but decided not to. She chatted for another thirty minutes explaining some of things that could be done if living life as a female was decided. When Charlotte stifled a yawn Sally decided to draw the chat to an end.
"Sue, I think it is time that we let Charlotte go to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day for her."
A Different Plane of Existence
By Karen Page
Edited by Angel O'Hare
The morning dawned and Charlotte stretched as she awoke. Last nights conversation with Sally Archer and Sue Barker had certainly helped. It had given her a lot to think about but it also relieved a lot of the built up stress. Last nights sleep was the first full nights sleep since the accident. There had been no bad dreams, no nightmares and no night terror attacks.
Jasmine watched on the monitor as Charlotte woke up slightly later than normal and went to greet her before Charlotte went to have her shower.
"I believe you're leaving us today?" Jasmine said as she sat the breakfast tray she was carrying down.
"Yes," she said looking unhappily at the breakfast. "I think Kelly Baxter is collecting me at about ten."
Jasmine went over to Charlotte to give her a good bye hug. However Charlotte, still unsure of herself, pulled away.
"Its okay, Charlotte," Jasmine said not trying to hug Charlotte again. "I just wanted you to know how much you mean to the people that know you here. You've been a very brave person and I wish you find happiness."
"I don't know if I can ever truly be happy," Charlotte replied looking out of the window. "I've lost both my parents and my manhood. My life isn't what it was. But I will try to find something in my new life that I can find happiness in."
"I'm sorry but for the next few days you will need to go back to being Simon. Your neighbours and vicar don't know about your change and since you probably won't see them again then it's best you let them remember who you were not what you've become."
Charlotte thought about it for a few moments and then nodded her consent. "I was just getting used to this," she said flourishing her arms. "However I understand and agree. But I don't have any clothes."
"Your suitcase was not sent to America. While you shower I'll bring in something for you to wear."
In the shower Charlotte decided to use the masculine smelling gel. As the washed away the soapy residue Simon tried to reassert himself. In fact there wasn't much difference, just a way he looked at himself and tried to act. Though even in Charlotte mode people would have seen a man. Since there wouldn't be any electrolysis for several days Simon shaved the hair from his face.
On the bed was a short-sleeved shirt, a pair of light trousers and a jumper. These were what he was planning to wear on the way home. Simon thought about what he'd packed and it was mostly shorts and t-shirts. This was probably the only clothes in the suitcase that would be practical in the fickle English weather.
When Rachel came in she saw a confused Simon sat in the chair. "What's wrong Simon?" she asked, reverting to his male name as he was dressed in male clothes.
"I don't know," he replied looking on the verge of tears. "I really don't know anything anymore. I enjoy being Simon but I know that is probably not where my future lies. It was really difficult to decide to live a Charlotte and just when I start to get used to the idea I'm back as Simon."
"So do you feel confused?" asked Rachel sitting on the edge of the bed.
"Confused isn't the correct word," Simon replied slowly. "I feel I'm in a void not knowing where I'm heading. Things are confusing but it is more than that. Life has gone from being stable to being so unknown. I don't know if in six months I am going to be a boy or a girl. If I don't even know that, how am I supposed to decide what I want to do in life? How can I have any direction, any motivation?"
"You are only fifteen," said Rachel. "There is plenty of time for you to decide what you want to do with your life. Right now you need to concentrate on learning if you want to live as a girl or a boy. Kelly will help you learn to live as a girl so you can make a choice. You don't have to decide now, next week or even in six months time. Once you learn how to be a girl give it a chance. If you can live like that then you still have the chance of being a parent. If you can't, then live as a boy, nobody will mind."
"I bet Dr Millard would," Simon responded cattishly. "His great experiment wanting out."
Rachel didn't bat an eyelid, "No he wouldn't. The special sex change was so that you still had the opportunity to be a parent. Nobody is straight jacketing you into being a girl. If you decide you prefer to live as a man then that's what you should do. Always follow your heart not what other people want or expect."
Just then there was a knock on the door. "Please wait," called Rachel.
"Do you still want to take Kelly's help?" Rachel asked Simon.
Simon thought for a moment as he blew his nose into a tissue. "Yes," he replied. "I think I do."
"Are you okay for them to come in now?" she asked.
Simon just nodded and Rachel called, "Come in." and soon Simon was being introduced to Kelly Baxter. Kelly Baxter was a slender woman in her early forties. Her blond hair was cut into a bob and she talked about the upcoming few days.
After a few minutes chatting together there was a knock on the door and in walked all the people who had been involved looking after Simon. Sally, Jasmine, Dr Ruiz and Dr Millard marched in, followed by a rather flushed looking Sue.
"What's going on?" asked Simon looking puzzled.
"You have been such a good patient," said Sally. "You've had to deal with a lot of issues since that fateful Saturday morning and we all wanted to be here to say goodbye."
Simon gave a short chuckle in disbelief, "I've not been a good patient at all. I disturbed you all with my night terror and probably disturbed the patients as well."
"I would have expected most patients to be total basket cases after such loss," said Rachel, before Sally could reply. "You've had your struggles but you haven't given in. You've battled through your nightmares and come out ahead. You are looking to the future and not looking back. No Simon, you are a model patient."
"Thank you," whispered Simon, overcome with emotion at the response he'd just been given.
"Now we have all clubbed together to get you something to remember us by, and as a thank you for being so brave," said Jasmine giving Simon a small wrapped box.
Simon again looked shocked but took the offered box and fumbled to open it. Eventually he worked passed the tape to reveal a small jewellers box. He opened it to find a gold pendant.
"This is a Saint Christopher pendant," informed Sally.
"Ohh," said Simon, understanding it significance. He took the pendant from the box and, with the help of Kelly, placed it round his neck. "Thank you," said Simon as he placed it below his shirt. "Thank you all very much. I doubt I would have made it without all of your help."
"I think we'd better be going, "said Kelly breaking the silence that followed.
So at quarter past ten, slightly later than planned, a rather nervous Simon left the ward walking next to his guardian Kelly. Dr Tom Millard, Dr Rachel Ruiz, Sally, Jasmine and Dr Sue Barker gave Simon a cheerful farewell.
***
The journey to Simon's house took longer than expected. It had taken longer than anyone would reasonably expect. The delay on the M25 was normal and expected. London's orbital motorway wasn't called Europe's largest car park for nothing. However when we turned on to the M1 the crawl was worse than normal. Just after junction eight, the car ground to a halt and they inched slowly forward. After an hour, they had travelled about two miles when across on the other carriageway they saw the blue flashing lights.
"I expected an accident but not at the other side," Simon said to Kelly.
"This motorway never surprises me," Kelly replied. "If it isn't this stretch then the bit between Nottingham and Sheffield can be just as bad."
Eventually they passed the accident and suddenly they were travelling a lot faster and had managed to reach fifty miles an hour before they again slowed and eventually came to a halt. They crawled for another hour before passing a burnt out lorry occupying the hard shoulder. The fire crew were still dousing down the smouldering remains as we passed. The inside lane was still closed due to a fuel spillage.
Eventually worn out we pulled into the driveway. The house silhouetted against the dusk background looked a forlorn sight. Simon sighed as he stared at the house remembering that a few days ago it belonged to his parents. Now it was his.
"This I think belongs to you," said Kelly handing Simon the houses front door key. "The cleanup team passed all your belongings to Social Services to be passed onto you when you were discharged from hospital. I have the suitcases and all the items that were with your Mum and Dad in the boot."
Simon climbed out of the car and walked slowly to the front door. There he stood staring at the door. Kelly who was standing behind let him fight the demons that were playing in his mind. Reluctantly Simon stepped forward and placed the key into the lock. Taking a big breath he opened the door and entered beckoning Kelly to follow. The house was cool so he went to turn on the heating.
"I've got a few things for tea," said Kelly producing a cool box. "Can you help me bring in the suitcases?"
"Let's get them now and then you can tell me what we need to do," Simon said as he finished switching on the heating system.
As they stepped out of the house they were met by four policemen. "Excuse me," one of them said to Kelly. "Are you the owner of this house?"
"No she isn't," interrupted Simon. "But I am."
"Likely story," one of the police said as he shone his torch into Simons face. "You can't be more than thirteen."
Kelly noticed a neighbour peering through a crack in her curtains. "Perhaps one of the neighbours could verify who Simon is", she said.
One of the younger police officers was dispatched while Simon invited the other three officers into the lounge. Five minutes later Mrs Truman came in with the young police officer.
"Hi Mrs Truman," said Simon to his neighbour. Mrs Truman was in her early seventies, slightly plump and was the streets main gossiper.
"Simon," she gasped, "but you're on holiday in America. You aren't due back till next week."
"You know the plane crash at Gatwick?" Simon asked her.
"Yes," she replied. "Did that stop you going? May be you could go later on in the year. Where are your parents?"
Simon looked at Kelly who nodded. "My parents and I were in the terminal building when it collapsed. They both died and I was very badly injured. I've just got out of hospital. This is Kelly Baxter; she is my guardian for a few months while I fully recuperate."
"Oh you poor thing," said Mrs Truman flinging herself at Simon. "If there is anything I can do please let me know."
"Just keep it quiet," Simon said knowing full well that most of the town would know in under half an hour of her leaving. "Ms Baxter will be assisting me to go through my parents belongings. After that, I will probably sell the house. I thought about renting it out but every time I hear about the house it will remind me of what I've lost."
With Mrs Truman and the police satisfied that the house was not being burgled they all left. As soon as they were out of the house, Kelly just folded up into fits of giggles. "Was she real?" she gasped between giggles.
"Oh yes," Simon replied. "You daren't do anything wrong on this street as Mrs Truman would have your parents know about it."
After a light meal, Simon and Kelly went to tackle the paperwork. Simon pulled down a big cardboard box from the top shelf of his deceased parent's wardrobe. Inside were details of the house mortgage, life assurance policies, savings policies and lastly there was a will. There was even a policy to cover funeral expenses.
"It looks like your parents planned well," said Kelly as she wrote down the information onto a pad. "It looks like tomorrow we need to notify a few people about their deaths and see a solicitor about the will"
Simon gave a yawn and glanced at the clock. It was nearly ten. Travelling always wore him out. "Its getting late and I think I should probably go to bed soon," Simon sensibly said as he stifled a second yawn.
"I think you're right," replied Kelly as she started yawning. "Today has been a long one."
"Did you come from your home?" asked Simon. "Actually where is it we are going to?"
"I was at a small school called Hayfield Hall which is not far from here," she replied. "It is a relatively new school, about four years old, which helps children who don't fit into mainstream education. A lot are transsexuals. The school lets them express how they want to be, not how society expects them to be. I sometimes help out there."
"Is that were I'm going?" asked Simon wondering what the people would be like.
"No," Kelly answered, "I'm taking you to my home in a small rural part of Gloucestershire. While Hayfield Hall does have a lot of psychiatric staff to help the children with dealing with being transgendered it was decided that you have a lot of other issues to deal with."
"Let me show you were the spare bedroom is," said Simon staggering to his feet and then helping Kelly up. When he knew that Kelly was okay he bade her a good night and for the first time since being home opened the door to his old life.
As he flicked on his bedroom light, all his history came flooding back. On the shelf next to his bedroom window were trophies from rugby; a game he knew he would never play again. His sheets were masculine. In fact the whole room screamed of the one thing he had lost. His manhood.
Over the last few days Simon had been gradually introduced to some of the feminine things. While he hadn't had chance to fully appreciate any of it, the sudden jar back to being in a masculine room reinforced his loss.
Simon left his overnight bag untouched in the corner of his room and donned an old pair of pyjamas he hadn't packed for America. There hadn't been time to go through the suitcases; that would wait till tomorrow.
Simon couldn't sleep. How was tired but every time he closed his eyes he remembered the black of being trapped in the rubble. In the hospital he felt safe. The hospital smell constantly reassured his tortured body that he was safe. Now that reassuring smell was gone and with it went peace from the accident.
After an hour of tossing Simon got up and went to the kitchen to make himself a mug of hot milk hoping that it might help settle his tortured mind.
Kelly who had been listening to Simon toss had been waiting for him to offer herself as help. When she heard him go downstairs she knew this was a good time.
"Hi Simon," she said as she took a seat to watch him prepare the warm milk.
"Would you like some," he asked as he poured the warm milk into a large mug.
"I'll just have some water," she said.
Simon passed her a glass of water and sat down next to her encasing his large hands around the mug.
"Couldn't sleep?" asked Kelly.
"No," Simon replied staring at the table wondering why Kelly was there.
"Worried about the funeral?"
"Not really. Not looking forward to it but it something that must be done."
"You know you don't have to attend?"
"I know. But I want to. I think I need to. I hope it will be the beginning to the end of this nightmare. Since leaving hospital I haven't been able to sleep. I'm tired but every time I close my eyes I'm back buried in the rubble talking to Mum unaware that she is slowly dying."
"What were your parents like?" Kelly asked as Simon took a sip of his warm milk.
"Wonderful. They were always loving and kind. They encouraged my rugby playing but they were firm that if my school work slipped they would not let me play or train," Simon's words trailed off and looked thoughtful. Suddenly he jumped up saying, "Stay here. I'll be right back."
Simon returned with three thick photograph albums and placed them reverently on the side of the table away from the drinks. "These are what we called our remembrance albums," he said. "They are a catalogue of each of our lives. Strange why we always called them remembrance albums as I suppose that's what my parents ones are. Mine I presume is a remembrance of the time I was a boy."
The first album Simon opened was his mothers. "This was originally started by my grandparents and when she was old enough she added photographs herself."
Simon and Kelly looked at the first album for two hours. The early photographs Simon had no recollection of, being before he was born and they were both reliant on the information pasted next to them. As they leafed through they saw a happy picture of Helen expecting. She looked totally radiant and happy that Simon gave a slight sigh of happiness. Kelly just sat back and watched Simon as he looked at pictures of his pregnant Mum and afterwards her holding her tiny baby. Tears started to trickle down his cheeks.
"You'd love to be a parent," said Kelly quietly recalling a conversation she'd had with Rachel regarding Simon.
He just nodded his soul bared open. "This is the way forward," thought Kelly as she held her young charge.
"Why?" she asked as Simon gradually regained some composure.
"The thought that I'd be able to help a child grow, to tend its needs, to protect it, help it find its way in life. There are lots of reasons," he said, the wonder in his eyes sparkling in the tears yet to fall.
The tears had drained Simon of his remaining energy and he started to drift to sleep in Kelly's comforting arms. Simon, however, was far too big for Kelly to carry to bed so she helped him up and escorted him upstairs her kind comforting arms still around him. Kelly tucked him into bed just like his mother had done ten years ago and sat in his room till he went to sleep.
Back in her room, Kelly pulled out a thick file with Simon and Charlotte Turner written in large writing on the front. She took out a pad and paper and added her recent observations regarding Simon. This took a good hour. Just as she settled into a deep sleep, she was awoken to a loud scream.
Kelly didn't bother with her dressing gown and rushed in the dark to where she thought the door was. Unfortunately she didn't have her bearings and when she opened the door ended up with a face full of clothes. "Oh yeah," she thought, "that where the wardrobe is."
After eventually finding the door, Kelly grabbed a small bottle she kept in her bag for situations like this and rushed into Simon's room. He was sat upright tears steaming down his cheeks.
"I'm here," said Kelly clambering onto the bed to comfort Simon. Just before she climbed on she saw that Simon was shivering with fright and pulled the end of the duvet around him. Once on the bed Kelly held Simon tightly and talked comfortable words until the shaking diminished.
"That was horrible," he uttered trying to get the nasty taste out of his mouth.
"Have a sip of this," Kelly said offering the drink.
Simon gratefully took it and rinsed the contents round his mouth before swallowing. "Gahh," he uttered. "Thanks."
After Simon had taken a few sips Kelly decided to tackle the issue, "Do you want to talk about it?" she asked.
Simon remembered the time he'd shared his nightmare with Jasmine and it had helped. "Thanks, I'd like that," he replied.
"I'm glad that you're able to accept help," she said. "So tell me about your nightmare."
"I was reliving the accident. I was in the terminal building watching the plane land and taxi towards the gate. Mum and Dad were alive and we were all excited. Then it happened all over again. The plane crashed and the building collapsing all like it did less than a week ago. It felt like I could feel the mortar rain down on me and I screamed. I don't know if the scream was in the dream or not."
"Well you screamed out loud, which woke me up and probably the neighbours as well."
"Sorry," Simon said. "Are you sure you want me to stay?"
"Of course," Kelly replied. "It might take a bit but you will get over it. The important thing is that you don't bottle up your feelings. Talk to me about them. A problem shared is a problem halved. Now go and clean yourself up and then we'll get you settled."
When Simon got back into bed he lay down but didn't look very settled.
"Frightened to sleep?" Kelly asked as she tucked him in.
"A little," Simon replied giving a slight shudder.
"Well according to your notes you only ever suffered one nightmare per night. So going on past performance you should be okay. What about when you were younger. Your notes said you suffered night terrors until you were seven. Did you only get one attack per night?"
"I think so."
"Then you should be okay," reassured Kelly. "Tomorrow is going to be a long day."
Kelly sat in a chair and watched Simon fall asleep. When she was sure that he wouldn't wake she went back to her own room hoping and praying that Simon would sleep through."
Simon awoke just as the day was dawning. The long shadows of the night shortened as the safety of the sun sent its first rays of light shooting into the room. Simon had survived another night of torturous dreams.
During breakfast Kelly explained today's plan, "There are two major things we have to do today. Firstly, we need to get the will sorted. The will should mention the type of funeral your parents wanted."
At nine Kelly leafed through the yellow pages and rang some of the local solicitor offices she eventually found one that sounded competent and was able to see them at ten.
The will basically said that if either parent died then the surviving one got everything. On the event that both died then everything was inherited by Simon and placed in trust till he was eighteen. There funeral wishes were outlined at the top of the will. They would like to be buried after a church funeral service.
***
"Hi, Simon," said Allan Roberts the local vicar.
"Come on in," said Simon opening the door wider and introduced him to Kelly, "This is Kelly Baxter, she is looking after me for a few months."
"I'm Allan Roberts," he said offering his hand to Kelly. "I heard about Simon's loss and came to see if I could help."
"Come on through," said Simon taking charge. "Kelly was going to ring you tomorrow morning. We only got the will read today and it said that my parents would like a church funeral followed by burial."
"Would you like a drink?" Simon asked as all three of them went into the lounge.
"Black coffee, no sugar, please" replied Allan.
"Do you want me to make it?" asked Kelly.
"I'll do it as I know where things are," Simon replied ushering the other two to sit down. "What do you want Kelly?"
"Coffee with just a splash of milk, no sugar please."
"I'll be back in a jiff," Simon replied disappearing into the kitchen.
Simon returned a few moments later carrying a tray with two mugs of steaming coffee and a glass of orange juice.
"Would you like me to officiate at the funeral?" asked Allan.
"Please," Simon replied. "I think Kelly has on her list to speak with the funeral director tomorrow." Kelly, who had sat back to let Simon deal with the issues as he had want to, just nodded.
"Well give me a ring tomorrow with the details but I have availability most mornings during the week. Now how are you coping? I saw the pictures and never dreamt that it was you they were digging out of the rubble."
"I really miss my parents," replied a subdued Simon. "I don't know what they did for God to take them so early in there lives and cause me so much medical issues. They were good people and we attended church most Sundays."
Allan put down his half drunk mug of coffee and gave Simon his full attention. Kelly also sat more upright and watched the exchange, ready to intercede if required. Simon was struggling to keep his emotions in check.
"God operates in mysterious ways," said Allan. "Why does he allow war to kill so many people? God gave us the freewill to operate as we see fit. God didn't make the people turn on their mobile phones that made the plane crash. He however gives people gifts such as the ability to help heal to the doctors."
Kelly had moved forward and was sat right next to Simon.
"Your parents were good people Simon. They brought you up well and asked for forgiveness for their weaknesses before God. I am sure that they will have both gone to Heaven to live a new everlasting life."
"Oh," was all Simon could say. His eyes started to well up and he just looked into his drink.
"Would you like us to pray for your parents?" Allan asked.
All Simon could do was nod. Allan moved next to Simon and placed his left hand on Simons back.
"Lord, please watch over Helen and Chris. They were unfortunately taken from their loving child who now mourns his loss. Helen and Chris were both loving parents and good Christians. Please take them into your loving arms and accept them into Heaven where they can live in everlasting peace. We ask this in Jesus name. Amen."
Simon and Kelly both uttered "Amen."
The little composure that Simon had vanished and the emotions that had been building up pushed to the front. The tears again started as the vicar said, "Lord, please watch over Simon. His loss of his parents at this important time of his life is particularly devastating. Please comfort him and guide him to see joys that his future life may have. Help him recover from his injuries and provide guidance and wisdom to Kelly and all the other people that have helped and will help him in the future. We ask this in Jesus name. Amen."
Simon couldn't say anything as he remembered his parents. He remembered their love, their patience, their kindness and their compassion. He remembered when he was six and had fallen off his bicycle and had been carried home by his father with Simon in one arm and the bike being carried in the other. Simon's father repaired the bike while his mother tended his wounds and shock.
The words of comfort spoken by Kelly and Allan were oblivious to Simon as he sank deeper into his memories. Memories of a happy childhood were the predominant memory that invaded Simon's troubled and tortured mind. His parents. His loving parents. Gone. They were not in the lounge. They weren't there to take his pain away. They could never comfort him and say they loved him. They were gone.
Simon grabbed hold of Kelly and wept.
A Different Plane of Existence
By Karen Page
Edited by Angel O'Hare
Simon sat nervously waiting for the hearse to arrive. He was dressed in a black suit with a solemn black tie. Kelly his ever shadow, ready to help and guide, sat next to him. "It will be here soon," she said as Simon checked his watch again.
The room was mostly bare, like the rest of the house. The Salvation Army had just been to collect the beds and the biggest thing left was the settee, which the estate agent would oversee the collection of tomorrow.
"I know," he replied, pulling his shirtsleeve over his watch. "I just want to get today over with."
"I think it was a great idea getting your parents bosses to do readings at the funeral," she said trying to distract Simon from looking at his watch again.
"I don't think I would have been able to cope," Simon agreed. "Not after how I reacted when the vicar came."
The sound of a vehicle pulling up made Simon jump up and look out of the windows. There were three cars waiting outside, two hearses and a black limousine.
"Why is there a third car?" Simon asked Kelly.
"You don't ride in the hearse," Kelly replied trying not to smile on this solemn day.
The doorbell rang and Simon ushered in the head undertaker. He spent a few minutes updating them on what would happen. Simon opened the front door and after putting on his jacket stepped out into the warm spring day. The cheerful flowering daffodils in the garden, a sign of rebirth, fluttered gently in the breeze as Simon and Kelly walked towards the awaiting car.
When the car drew up outside the church Simon and Kelly waited as a team of men began to unload the two coffins.
"Kelly," said Simon. "Would it be possible for you to go into church now, ahead of the coffins, leaving me to walk behind them on my own?"
"If that is what you want," replied a concerned Kelly. "Will you be okay?"
"I'd love to have you with me," replied Simon, "but I want it to be a sign that I'm the last of the family left. Would you still sit with me in the front pew? I think I will need your support."
"Okay," confirmed Kelly. After making sure he was okay entered the church, leaving Simon alone.
The coffins were hoisted onto the shoulders of the pallbearers and they made their way slowly down the gravel path towards the church. Simon walked slowly behind keeping in pace with the coffins. His glare fully focused on the moving wood ahead.
Through the entrance to the church they went, the crunch of the gravel replaced by the slight thud of rubber against concrete as the procession neared its end. Ahead, in the aisle between the choir stalls were two stands awaiting the arrival of the coffins. The gentle murmur of the congregation fell silent and the sound of people standing as the first coffin appeared.
"We receive the body of our brother Christopher Turner and our sister Helen Turner with confidence in God, the giver of life, who raised the Lord Jesus from the dead," said Allan Roberts from the back of the church.
"I am the resurrection and the life, says the Lord. Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die," quoted Allan from John.
Through the church the coffins made their way forward. Step by step they neared their stands. Simon, as he went through the church door, saw for the first time a nearly full church. People from the factory where Dad used to work were in the right-hand pew. On the left pew, it was full of children with their parents from the school in the neighbouring town, where Mum was an English teacher.
"How did they know?" thought Simon to himself as he walked down the aisle, the coffins nearing the end of their journey. "All these people were here to say farewell to his parents."
As the first coffin was put onto its stand the procession came to a halt. Simon looked around and saw many friends from the area where he lived. Sitting at the back were the rescuers that had pulled him and his parents out of the rubble. It was all too much and the tears started flowing. As the first coffin was placed with care onto its plinth, the second coffin made its way forward. At last, Simon was able to stand by the front pew, out of the direct gaze of the majority of the congregation.
Kelly, who was waiting, didn't say a thing but gently squeezed his hand to let him know that she was there. She silently passed him a linen hanky which he gratefully took.
The readings and hymns settled Simon down. The service had gone exactly as he'd discussed with the vicar. Kelly had been a wonderful support to Simon through the discussions, often comforting him when the pain of discussing his parents final arrangements.
After the readings the Vicar asked the congregation, "Would anyone else like to say some words about the deceased?"
There was silence for a few seconds and suddenly a girl from where Mum used to teach rose and walked towards the front. There was an astonished gasp from the other schoolchildren and one of the teachers made a slight attempt to stop her. The girl, however, was adamant that she wanted to say something. She wasn't with her parents but had come to the funeral on her own.
"Mrs Turner was my form tutor," stated Nicola in her ill-fitting uniform. "I had a bad reputation at school and I was the one most looked for when something bad happened. Mrs Turner didn't do that. She was always fair. She helped me when I was repeatedly late for school by giving me a small alarm clock. I used to be often late for school I am now always on time. Through her encouragement and support I have started to become a better person. I will miss Mrs Turner. She didn't just help me she helped a lot of people in school."
Nicola paused and looked at the people from her school and then scurried back to her seat. The girl that once had ruled the school through fear was now reduced to tears.
A smartly dressed boy wearing a crisp uniform got up and walked to the front. "Mrs Turner saved my life. I was confused about a lot of things. Mrs Turner spent time talking to me and helping me realise I wasn't a freak. Without Mrs Turner I would not be here."
That admission caused a slight stir among his school chums. What on earth was he talking about? The murmuring soon died down as the next person came forward. It was like the whole congregation wanted to say something about Simon's parents.
Simon just sat there tears flooding down his face as child after child came forward telling their words from their heart about his Mum. When the children dried up somebody from where his Dad worked came forward. These were more salient memories; less emotional but none the less affected Simon just as much. The half an hour church service turned into an hour and a half.
"Our eyes, Lord, are wasted with grief;
you know we are weary with groaning.
As we remember our death
in the dark emptiness of the night,
have mercy on us and heal us;
forgive us and take away our fear
through the dying and rising of Jesus your Son"
After the Lords Prayer and a blessing, the church service was over. Simon followed the coffin out of the church feeling numb after such a long service. Again, Kelly let Simon follow the coffins by himself.
Simon however didn't follow the coffins to the hearse. He stayed just inside the church, to say thank you to many people who wouldn't go to the burial. Kelly hovered nearby making sure Simon was okay but not getting in his way.
When the congregation had filtered out Simon and Kelly walked to the awaiting funeral car for the four mile journey to the cemetery.
"How are you coping?" Kelly asked Simon as the car pulled away from the church.
"I'll be glad when today is over," replied Simon. "I'm not looking forward to the burial."
"You don't have to be there," Kelly responded, trying to judge Simon's current emotional stability.
Simon paused for a moment and then responded vehemently, "Oh yes I do. I'm not going to have gone through all the arrangements and not end up saying a final farewell."
Kelly was still concerned about Simon being so tense and decided to try to lighten him up with a story from her past, "At least we have a driver who knows where to go," Kelly said. "When I was younger I lost my Grandmother. Hers was a cremation in a town I wasn't familiar with. After the church service a line of cars followed the hearse to the crematorium. I was driving the last car and had my brother in with me. We stopped at a red light when all the other cars had gone through. We drove for about an hour looking for the crematorium. We never found it."
Simon looked incredulously at Kelly, "You can't be serious?" he asked.
"Very much so. My brother didn't speak to me for weeks."
Simon just stared at Kelly in shock that something like that could happen. He was still picturing the situation in his mind as the car swept through the large iron gates into the grounds of the cemetery.
The coffins were unloaded and reverently carried to the freshly dug grave. This grave was double the standard width. Simon's parents were to be buried next to each other; together in life and together in death. On the far side of the grave was a mound of dirt to refill the grave. On either side was a green mat for the coffins to sit on.
As they waited for the vicar to arrive, Simon started to remember the build-up to the fateful day.
I'd got home from school and said a passionate goodbye to Kirsty. As per usual I was the first one home. My mother would be home in about and hour. My father would be back in about two hours. I'd just settled down to do my homework when the phone rang. The phone never went at this time.
"Oh, Simon," wailed a distraught Kirsty. "Dad just told me he has a new job and we've got to move."
"Where are you going?" I replied getting upset. I'd grown up with Kirsty and been friends with her for years. Only recently had that relationship bloomed into a more romantic variety.
"I don't know," she sobbed. "Dad hasn't said. We go in a few months."
"I'm on my way," I promised. For the first time I abandoned my homework and after writing a quick note to Mum headed of to see Kirsty.
Two minutes later I arrived at Kirsty's house.
"She's in her room," said Kirsty's Mum letting me in. "Just keep the door open."
In spite of my sadness I still gave a weak smile. Until our romance blossomed Kirsty's mother never used to worry about us being alone.
At eight Kirsty's Mum sent me home as she said they had something to discuss. I still hadn't learnt where they were moving to. All I'd learnt was they were probably moving just before Easter.
I got home to find my parents waiting for me. I took a deep breath and tried to clear the emotions from my mind. I didn't want to seem upset in front of my parents.
"Are you okay, son?" asked Mum coming to me as I walked into the lounge.
"No," I responded. I hadn't wanted to discuss this with my parents. "I wanted to spend more time with Kirsty, but you asked me to come home."
"Yes," Dad replied. "We had some news for you ourselves."
"Oh?" I queried
"Yes, we're going on holiday over Easter," replied Mum.
"Really?" I responded. We hadn't been on holiday for a few years. Dad got a big promotion last year which now made it possible.
"How does Disneyworld sound?"
"Is that the one in California?" I asked starting to get excited.
"No, it's the one in Florida."
I grinned like a bad beast for a few seconds when today suddenly crashed back around me. "But that's when Kirsty leaves."
Mum looked quickly at Dad who said, "We thought it might be best so that you don't get too upset."
Simon's reflection on his time with his parents ended when the Funerals Directors mobile phone broke the stillness. The Vicar had suffered a puncture during the journey so the Funeral Director drove off to rescue him. Kelly steered Simon to a nearby bench where he continued to reflect on the day his life changed forever
"No, that's not right," said Dad as we went speeding down the dual carriageway again. We had darted between the north and south terminal several times looking for the road to the long term car park.
"Turn left here," said Mum suddenly as she scrutinised the map. Dad was just about to go past when Mum made the sudden announcement and we went at speed off the dual carriageway.
"Not so fast," I complained as I got flung to the right. Kirsty had told me to enjoy the holiday and not let her departure spoil it. We would soon be back in contact.
All this banter was done in good fun. We had got up at two in the morning and we'd all had a grin on since then. Today was the happiest I'd ever been and it looked like my parents had lost 20 years. They bounced around the house like they were little children themselves.
We eventually found the car park. Dad pulled into a parking spot, he and I pulled out the luggage while Mum went to book the car in. Yes, there might have been clothes for a fortnight but since they were mostly shorts and t-shirts, we only had two suitcases.
Mum came back with two men. The first would go and park the car in the secure parking area. The second was the courtesy bus driver. Since it was only half five we were the only passengers. Our plane wasn't for a long time but my parents wanted me to experience the excitement at the airport.
When we got to the check-in desk we were the only ones there. We waited for ten minutes for the desk to open. We were the first to check-in so we got to choose the seats that we wanted. The flight was going to be very busy so we were glad we got seats towards the front of the aeroplane. We would be able to get off quickly at the other end without the usual crush of people.
"Lets go and get breakfast," said Dad as our suitcases disappeared. I hope that they find there way to our plane. I wouldn't want to spend the first few days of my holiday shopping.
We went up the escalators and it was like a small town. Shops, restaurants and even a pub begged for our attention. We chose to have a full English breakfast in a small restaurant. The side of the restaurant had huge windows that allowed us to look at the activity outside. Ground staff were scuttling around and we even saw a plane land.
After eating, we all linked arms went through the security checks and were able to go airside. As we sat waiting for our flight to be assigned a gate, we gazed at the aeroplanes landing. The morning dusk started to give-way as the first glimpse of sunshine filtered over the horizon.
"Look Mum," I said excitedly pointing to the departure screen. "Our flight has just changed to "Proceed to gate 65".
"Okay," she said giggling. "Let's go and find the gate."
If I'd been younger I'm sure I'd have skipped along. I was so excited about the trip. At the gate there wasn't much. There appeared to be a small coffee outlet but was closed at this time of the morning.
I saw the men working hard preparing for the arrival of a plane. So after getting permission I wandered over to gate 69 where it was to dock. The plane approached, the still low sun glistening against its paintwork.
"Simon," I heard my Mum shout as the plane approached too fast to stop in the remaining distance.
Mum started running towards me. My father who was further away didn't see what was happening and was startled to hear my Mums alarming call. As Mum came closer I saw my father start walking briskly to see what the commotion was about.
The plane inched forward like an unforgiving monster, ready to devour its prey. The sound of the plane ripping the terminal building forever embedded into my mind.
As the plane hit the building, my father broke into a run to try to reach me and Mum. My unfit father never made it to me. Mum was very close but she wasn't close enough to touch.
The look on my parents face as they came towards me as the roof of the building collapsed was horrific. The look of agony as the material started to rain down followed by the look of horror as we saw each other disappear from view. The final agonising scream of "SIMON!" from my Mum, as she disappeared forever from my view, was forever sealed into my heart.
Kelly grabbed hold of Simon as his scream echoed around the gravestones. Simon's reflection abruptly ended as he remembered the building collapse.
Eventually the vicar arrived and he conducted a short ceremony on the side of the grave. The wind ruffled Kelly's hair as the service progressed. Eventually his father's coffin was lowered as the following was said:
We have entrusted Christopher Turner to God's mercy,
and we now commit his mortal remains to the ground:
earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust:
in sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life
through our Lord Jesus Christ,
who will transform our frail bodies
that they may be conformed to his glorious body,
who died, was buried, and rose again for us.
To him be glory for ever.
It was then time to say goodbye to Simon's Mum as her coffin was lowered next to her loving husbands:
We have entrusted Helen Turner to God's mercy,
and we now commit her mortal remains to the ground:
earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust:
in sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life
through our Lord Jesus Christ,
who will transform our frail bodies
that they may be conformed to his glorious body,
who died, was buried, and rose again for us.
To him be glory for ever.
Simon picked up a handful of dirt and threw it into the grave over his mother's casket. He then repeated the symbol over his fathers. Simon was doing his best to hold in the tears
When the burial service was over the vicar and the workers from the funeral parlour departed. Simon was alone with Kelly at the graveside.
"Good bye Mum and Dad," Simon uttered as silent tears streamed down his face. "I'll try to be a good child. I might not look like you expected me to, but I promise to never give up hope. I'll always remember how you brought me up and hope I live up to your expectations."
When he was finished, Kelly wrapped her arms around Simon and led him back to the awaiting car. As they moved off, the gravediggers, who had been watching in the distance, moved in to close up the grave.
With the funeral over, Simon has to come to grips with his new life as Charlotte.
A Different Plane of Existence
By Karen Page
Edited by Angel O'Hare
"Simon, wakeup," said Kelly trying to wake the sleeping boy.
Simon eventually stirred and after a few noises of resistance asked, "Are we nearly there yet?"
"About ten minutes," said Kelly. "I just wanted you to have chance to wake up."
"Thanks," Simon replied sarcastically. "Where are we?"
"On the outskirts of Gloucester," informed Kelly. "That building to the right is the Walls ice-cream factory."
"Wow, that’s so cool," Simon said, giving a small stretch.
They drove for another five minutes before climbing up a very steep hill. At the top, Kelly turned the car towards Holcombe. This road was narrow and was only one car width wide, with the occasional passing lay-by. After many twists and turns, they eventually turned right into Kelly's driveway.
Kelly stopped the car in front of the large house and said, "Welcome to my home."
Simon carried in his bag containing his personal belongings. The only clothes he'd brought were the suit he was wearing and something to wear tonight. Kelly opened the front door and as they walked in Kelly said, "Why don't I show you to your room and when you've sorted yourself out we can have a chat in the sitting room?"
Simon nodded his approval and Kelly took Simon up the stairs to the bedroom which would be his while he learnt what he needed to learn. The bedroom was tastefully decorated but was a bit feminine for Simon's tastes. She then left him to look around his room while she put on a light supper.
Simon took out of his bag a framed picture of him with Kirsty and his parents taken a few weeks before they were supposed to go on holiday. He held the photograph in his hands and looked at the three people he loved. Two were dead and the other was lost to him.
"Even if I found Kirsty how could she ever love me?" thought Simon
Simon stared at the picture, "Mum, Dad, I hope you don't mind what I'm about to do. It hasn't been an easy decision and I'm still not sure if it is the right one."
Simon continued to stare at the picture, hoping that his dead parents would communicate that it was okay. Nothing occurred, so after five minutes he placed it carefully on the bedside table, gently stoking his finger across Kirsty's face.
Apart from his toiletries, Simon didn't have anything else to unpack so he went down to the sitting room. Kelly was there waiting. "I've put something simple in the oven to cook. While that’s happening, let's discuss how we go forward."
"That makes sense," agreed Simon as he settled himself down.
"Let me just recap where we are and how you've got here. You were impaled by wreckage from the terminal building collapsing and were given a sex-change. After much thought you decided to try to learn how to live as a woman; which is where I will try to help. Last week you had your first session of electrolysis to remove your facial hair. Is that correct?"
"Essentially," replied Simon. "A rather blunt interpretation of the events but basically correct."
"You've started through puberty," continued Kelly, "but your features don't appear to have hardened too much. You have some facial hair which we will continue to remove. The one thing that is going to make it difficult for you to pass is your prominent Adams apple."
"So what's the point in all of this?" Simon complained. "Why learn how to be a girl if I'm going to be seen as a boy pretending to be a girl?"
"There are ways around it," stated Kelly. "You could wear jewellery around the neck or there is surgery to remove the Adams apple."
"I don't think I could cope with more surgery," stated Simon.
"Don't worry about it," Kelly said reassuringly. "There is a lot of time to go and you have a lot of work to do before you decide what you do."
"A lot of work?" questioned Simon. "Surely I only need to remove the facial hair and put on some girls clothes."
"No Simon," said Kelly. "There is a lot more than that. You have your speech to correct. The way you walk is masculine and you think like a male. You may not have a penis but in your heart you are still a man."
"I didn't realise I have so much to learn."
"You do, I'm afraid. Look, why don't we eat, watch a little television and then you go to bed and sleep on it. Dr Ruiz told you that you could stop anytime you wanted to and that includes not starting."
Simon thought about things and nodded his acceptance. "Thank you for making sure that I'm happy with this. My life has already changed more than I could ever imagine. I never wanted to be a girl; I still don't. However, I now have the body of a girl and I have to try and live with that."
"Can't you just live as a boy? You might not have a penis but that doesn't stop you being accepted in the world as a male."
Simon sighed, wishing that was an option. It was obvious to him that Kelly hadn't been told about his special operation.
"I don't think that is an option," Simon replied sadly.
"Oh and why's that?"
Simon shook his head, trying to stop himself getting upset. "Please don't ask. I just need to move forward."
After the light meal, they went back to the sitting room to watch the news.
"Doctor's have revealed in tomorrows Nature journal that they have succeeded in the world's first womb transplant. The details of the donor and recipient are not revealed but they were related," said the news reporter.
"Wow", said Kelly. "That'll help a lot of infertile women."
Simon didn't hear. He was concentrating on what was being said. His heartbeat had skipped up a notch as he listened to see if anything gave him away.
The science editor came and used snazzy graphics to explain what had been done. Simon sat there fascinated at what had been done while Kelly sat there wondering why Simon was so interested in this.
"Now joining us in the studio is Suzi Leather from the Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority. The government formed the HFEA in 1991 to regulate experiments regarding human fertilisation as well as IVF and donor eggs, sperms and embryos. Ms Leather, what are your views on this exciting new procedure?"
"The result we will have to study over time. However, this was a new and experimental procedure. The reasons why it occurred are not mentioned in the article which is highly suspicious. I've launched an immediate investigation into Dr Millard's operation. It appears that the operation, due to a transplant of tissue involving fertility, should have been regulated by the HFEA. No request to carry out this operation was ever received. I've consulted with the General Medical Council and they agree with my interpretation of the rules. Therefore, as of twenty minutes ago, the GMC have suspended Dr Millard pending a full investigation."
The newsreader who was interviewing Ms Leather looked surprised and it obviously had ended the expected line of questioning. The newsreader soon gathered his wits. "But don't you think that this is valuable research that will aid infertile women?"
"I'm not saying it isn't," smoothly replied Ms Leather. "However, there are rules in place so that doctors don't perform unregulated procedures. Dr Millard broke those rules. I will be asking leading fertility experts to examine Dr Millard's works and if it is safe, put in procedures to protect the donor, the recipient and any child born. This procedure will give extra medical complications to any child born. Their birth mother won't be their biological mother. There will need to be an investigation to see if rules regarding surrogate parents can cover this area."
With Dr Millard being suspended a vital link for Simon was gone. How would he explain to other medical people that he was a boy with a womb? Simon thought about telling Kelly but how could he explain that he was the person they were talking about. Would she think that he was a freak? Simon couldn't take that chance.
Even though Simon was tired he stayed up to watch more of the news. Strangely though, there was no further mention of the story and eventually Simon went to bed, very unsure of his future.
Sleep didn't come easily to Simon as he had much on his mind. Should he continue with the quest to learn to live as a woman? What would people think if it came out that he was the person who had received the donor womb? Would Kelly still be willing to help? Would he ever find a permanent foster home?
Kelly in her own bed also struggled to sleep. There was something about Simon that didn't make sense. What did he mean that living as a boy wasn't an option? Simon had been given an artificial vagina when his penis had been removed. There was no reason that she could see why Simon had to live as Charlotte. And what was this obsession he got about the medical issue on the news. I know he had been under Dr Millard but it seemed very strange.
The next day soon came. Simon had only had one strong nightmare and Kelly only had to comfort him for twenty minutes. Things were improving.
"Well, is it going to be Simon or Charlotte," asked Kelly as she opened Simons curtains, letting in the morning sun.
"Charlotte. Today is my tenth day since I came into existence. Like I said yesterday, its' not physically possible to be Simon anymore and I have to move forward. Charlotte is my future. There is no point in my looking back. I have to move on."
"Okay, Charlotte it is. Well Charlotte, why don't you go and have a shower while I find some clothes for you to wear. Please don't shave so you can build up hair for electrolysis. Then during breakfast we can discuss our plans."
When Charlotte came back from her shower, she found lying on the bed a pair of panties, a top and a skirt. Charlotte looked at the panties and noticed that they were the same style that she'd accepted at the hospital. She donned the panties and the top. The skirt, however, was a different matter. It was a female piece of clothing, which identified her as female. Charlotte sat at the edge of her bed and stared at the skirt; her mind wrestling between her past and her future.
Having heard little since Charlotte had stepped out the shower; Kelly came up the stairs and looked in. She saw Charlotte sat at the edge of the bed, her gaze not moving from the object in front of her.
"It's okay," said Kelly as she sat on the bed next to Charlotte. "You don't have to wear a skirt. Would a pair of trousers do?"
Charlotte didn't say anything for a moment while her mind digested the new options.
"I don't know," Charlotte eventually sighed. "It's like another part of me dying."
"Another part of Simon dying?"
"Yes. I suppose it's silly really as I've decided to live as Charlotte and I already wear girl's panties."
"Girls these days very rarely wear skirts. The only reason I chose one was I thought it would be less painful where you'd been operated."
"Thanks for the thought but the swelling went down quite quickly. Dr Millard did a good job. Would wearing a skirt help people see me as a girl?"
"Perhaps as it is something only a girl would wear. A US Senator said in 1952, 'If it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck; it's probably a duck'. You are going to find it difficult to achieve these things without work. A skirt just gives one extra push.'
"Okay, I'll try," Charlotte reluctantly replied.
Kelly stayed with Charlotte as she stepped into her first skirt. Kelly had deliberately chosen a plain denim skirt, hoping that Charlotte would have not found it too extreme. If Charlotte was freaking out at such a simple skirt, Kelly knew that Charlotte had a long way to go.
During breakfast Kelly outlined the plan for today. "There are three areas which I want to start with; voice, deportment and familiarisation."
"Huh?"
"Huh? Do you mean, 'excuse me?' or 'can you expand on that?'"
"Sorry, can you please explain what you mean?"
Kelly gave a small grin and continued, "Your voice sounds masculine and is going to take a lot of effort for you too change that. Deportment is the way you sit and move. That needs to change to a more feminine style. Lastly familiarisation is getting you used to things a girl would understand. For example, you might not want to wear makeup but a girl would know the different items. Is that acceptable?"
Simon thought for a moment. "Yes, but what about electrolysis?"
"You will need to wait a few days for the hair to grow before we can start on that. Anything else?"
"Two things. Can we get a copy of Nature so I can see the article and when am I due to get the stitches removed from my abdomen?"
"I believe Dr Smith, from the Charing Cross hospital, is due to travel across to see you tomorrow. She wanted to do a follow-up check. Since she is travelling all the way from London, she will be staying for lunch. After breakfast I'll nip into the neighbouring village to see if I can get a copy of Nature. Holcombe is too small to have a shop and I need to go in and find out why my newspaper wasn't delivered this morning. While I'm out I want you to start looking at some teenage girls magazines. They have articles on makeup and will give you some ideas what children your age, and younger, think about."
Charlotte nodded her head in acceptance. This was all a bit much to take in. Her life as he knew it was over and she was scared of the life to come. After breakfast Kelly went to get a copy of Nature. Charlotte took the crockery through to the kitchen to wash up. After clearing round she went into the sitting room. There on the coffee table, as promised, was a selection of teenage magazines.
Charlotte sat down and started to flick through them. Allsorts of things were discussed ranging from boyfriend troubles to fashion and makeup. A whole world that had been hidden to her was opening up.
"This I can do," thought Charlotte to herself. "I'm good at studying and research. If I treat this as a research project then things might be a bit easier."
After reading one article on the problem page, Charlotte put down the magazine in amazement. "I only thought boys thought about things like that," Charlotte thought to herself. "I'd never heard girl's discussing things like that at school."
When Kelly returned she found Charlotte sprawled across the settee, music blaring from the music system. Charlotte was engrossed in the article she was reading and didn't see Kelly enter.
"Ah hem," coughed Kelly as she switched off the music. "I know some people like music as they read, but in future can you not have it so loud."
"Sorry. Did you manage to get a copy of Nature?"
"No, it seems that there was a fire at the distribution warehouse and all copies were destroyed. It also affected my newspaper, which was also distributed using the same distribution network. Do you mind if I put on the news?"
"Go ahead," replied Charlotte. "I've just finished this article on different flirt techniques."
"You read that!" exclaimed Kelly in shock.
"Well I thought it might help me understand girls better. If I don't read articles like that, how am I going to be able to fit in?"
"Not all girls flirt like that. You don't want to get yourself a reputation."
"I didn't say that I was going to flirt, just that I wanted to understand."
"You're attitude seems to have changed remarkably since this morning," observed Kelly. "Why?"
"I decided to treat this as a research project; sort of like studying for my exams. So far it has helped me not get too stressed about things."
It was just coming up to ten and Kelly switched on the news.
"Police are investigating a string of arson attacks at newspaper and magazine distribution depots. Nobody was injured but there has been damage of nearly a million pounds."
"Well that's the reason why I couldn't get a copy of Nature," said Kelly. "I wonder why a group would want to burn all those newspapers."
"It's probably the television stations trying to make people watch the news on the box."
"After seeing the news, why don't we have a look on the internet? I'm sure that Nature has a website."
"Thanks," Charlotte replied putting down the magazine back on the coffee table.
A short time later the computer was powering up. After the PC decided it wanted to reboot due to an update to the anti-virus program, they managed to load up the web browser.
"Any ideas where to look," asked Kelly.
"Why don't we try www.nature.com," Charlotte suggested. "The journal sounds big enough to have its own domain."
Charlotte tapped away and a few seconds later a screen came up informing them that the website was down for maintenance, following a hacker attack had defaced the website.
"Look, if you're so concerned about Dr Millard, why don't you telephone the hospital," suggested Kelly.
"Would you mind?" Charlotte replied.
"Not at all, or you could ask Dr Smith tomorrow."
"That sounds even better. They always seemed very busy on the ward and I wouldn't want to disturb them. They are probably even busier if Dr Millard is suspended."
With a way forward, Charlotte put her worries about being discovered behind her. There was an injunction about her name being revealed so things probably were going to be okay. She spent the rest of the day doing strange vocal exercises and doing strange walks.
"You've done well," informed Kelly as she said goodnight to Charlotte.
"Do you recon I'll be able to go back to school before the end of the school year?"
"You're certainly not like other school children," smiled Kelly. "Most would love to have a few months off."
"I always liked school and I miss the learning."
"Just think of this as a different type of learning. You're learning something a lot harder than History and Geography. You're learning how to live as the opposite sex, while retaining your own personality. That isn't something to be sneezed at."
When Kelly had left, Charlotte lay awake, thinking about the day. The caring way that Kelly had treated her made Charlotte feel that she wasn't going through this awful experience alone. With those comforting thoughts Charlotte drifted off.
"How did you sleep?" queried Kelly, the next day.
"With my eyes closed," quipped Charlotte. When Kelly seemed at a loss Charlotte continued, "Last night I didn't have any nightmares. It was the best sleep I've had since the incident. Will that be the end of the nightmares?"
Kelly thought for a moment, wondering how to respond. "Probably not, you have had a terrible trauma and you don't get over it quickly. Your nightmares will probably diminish in their severity but the incident will always be with you."
"You really know how to cheer someone up, don't you?"
"Sorry, but it is best to tell the truth about these things. Learning how to live as a girl is just a small part of your time here. You have to learn to live with what happened to you. That is probably a much harder part. You have the loss of your parents as well as your own loss. That isn't something easy to deal with."
"I think I'm only just beginning to realise that," Charlotte replied as Kelly put a comforting arm around her.
"Now let's have breakfast before Dr Smith turns up."
It was a good job they ate when they did as quite soon after finishing washing up, the door bell rang. Charlotte took off her washing up gloves and accompanied Kelly to the door.
"Hello again," said Dr Smith when she saw Charlotte.
"Hi," Charlotte replied.
"Let's go through to the sitting room," suggested Kelly.
We all trouped into the sitting room. Kelly nodded her head in approval as Charlotte straightened her skirt before sitting.
"How have you been?" Dr Smith asked Charlotte. "Any pains?"
"Only the one in my heart," replied Charlotte. "Your..." Charlotte paused and swallowed hard before continuing, "Handy work appears to have been mostly painless."
Dr Smith nodded, knowing how hard it was for Charlotte not to call the operation a mutilation.
"I need to remove some stitching and check on her health," stated Dr Smith. "It might be more comfortable for Charlotte if that is done on her bed."
Charlotte looked at Kelly for her permission. "Up you go. I need to make a few phone calls, so come down when you're finished."
"Please remove your skirt and panties then lie on the bed," requested Dr Smith as they entered Charlotte's bedroom.
When Charlotte was lying down, Dr Smith lifted Charlotte's top and examined the stitches. "You look to have healed very well," murmured Dr Smith. "I'm going to remove your stitches. This might hurt a bit."
Charlotte gritted her teeth as Dr Smith removed the stitches as gently as she could. The old adage of boy's not showing the pain was still strong in Charlotte's head
"It's okay to show pain," prompted Dr Smith. "I'm sure that removing those stitches hurt."
"A little," Charlotte acknowledged. "It's difficult to change the way you've been brought up."
"Just a little?"
"Well it hurt a lot."
"Does admitting you were in pain make you any less of a person?"
"I suppose not," admitted Charlotte. "I'm not like many of your other patients, am I?"
"No," confirmed Dr Smith. "It is very rare that we have patients like yourself, who require the services of Dr Millard, that don't want the surgery. I hope one day that you will be able to find peace with yourself."
"So do I," responded Charlotte wistfully. "So do I."
Charlotte lost herself in her thoughts for a few moments before asking, "I'm surprised you were able to get away, with Dr Millard being suspended."
"Dr Millard is no longer suspended," replied Dr Smith. "Soon after the suspension was announced a visitor met with Dr Millard. Soon after, the suspension was lifted."
"Who was it?"
"I'm not sure, but afterwards we were told that your operation mustn't be discussed with anyone."
"Well that’s a bit late; it was discussed on the news and in Nature."
"I'm not sure. I was just told not to discuss the nature of the operation with anyone. Dr Millard said that everything else would be taken care of."
"Well I'm not planning to discuss it with anybody," reassured Charlotte. "Can I get dressed now?"
"Of course. Now there is nothing stopping you having a sexual relationship, but I'd rather you wait till after your first menstruation."
Charlotte turned white at the thought and was nearly sick. "I don't think there is going to be a problem with that."
"I suppose not. Sorry for the suggestion."
"So you think the transplant was successful enough that I'll have periods and be able to have children?"
"It's still too early to tell. If you do have a period, then please let me or Dr Millard know. I'll go downstairs and let you finish getting dressed."
When Charlotte finished dressing she went downstairs to find Dr Smith waiting at the foot of the stairs.
"Ms Baxter was on the telephone, so I waited out here," explained Dr Smith. "I didn't want to disturb her."
Just then Kelly appeared. "You should have put your head round," she chastised. "So is everything okay?"
"I've removed the stitches from Charlotte and checked her over. Physically she appears to be healing well from the operation. I'd like to check again in a week. Is that okay with you both?"
"I doubt I'll be anywhere else," Charlotte quipped and was silenced by a stare from Kelly.
"We will be here," replied Kelly. "We might have got you to a stage of being able to leave the house by then."
"Within a week?"
"You never know," Kelly responded. "Think positive."
We all walked to Dr Smith's car, the sun beating down on Dr Smith's gleaming red BMW convertible.
"If you have any problems, just ring the ward. Sally and Jasmine have been asking about you, I'm sure they would be happy to hear from you."
"Next week why don't you come for just before eleven, then you can have lunch. It's much better than a service station on the M4."
Dr Smith laughed. It was the first time that Charlotte had ever seen Dr Smith anything but serious. "If there isn't surgery scheduled for next week, then it's a date."
"Well done," praised Kelly as they walked back towards the house. "Your motion is becoming less stiff and I can tell you are trying with your voice. It will take a while for things to become second nature, but I can tell you are trying."
"Well all I want is to get on with my life. I don't like trying to be a girl but I've no choice."
Kelly shook her head puzzled at why Charlotte didn't think she had a choice. However, she could see that Charlotte had enough on her plate without trying to get her to change her mind.
"Charlotte, I know there are things you've not told me. However, I'm not going to pry. Just know I'm here if you want to discuss things. I'm a good listener."
"Thanks Kelly," Charlotte replied and leaned across and hugged her guardian. When it dawned on Charlotte what she'd done, she gave a yell and ran into the house. She ran up the stairs and into her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Kelly stood by the entrance wondering what was going on.
After failing to come to any firm conclusions, Kelly climbed the stairs to find out for herself. As she reached the top, she heard sobbing coming from her charges bedroom. Kelly quietly opened the door to see Charlotte lying naked on the bed; her clothes strewn across the bedroom floor.
"What's wrong?" gently asked Kelly as she sat on the edge of the bed.
For a long time there were no answers, just tears. As if from nowhere, Kelly produced a box of tissues and handed them over. Kelly waited patiently for Charlotte to calm down. She would stay for however long it took. Kelly couldn't take the chance of leaving Charlotte while she was in such turmoil. The room wasn't as safe as the one at the hospital.
As the crying diminished from a torrent to a gentle patter, Kelly again asked what was wrong. Again there was no response. Eventually the crying stopped and Charlotte fell asleep. Still Kelly stayed in the room, watching over her charge, her mind full of thoughts and theories. Kelly pulled out a blanket from the top of the cupboard and covered Charlotte, not wanting her to get cold.
Eventually Charlotte stirred but Kelly didn't; she just sat in the chair observing. Charlotte eventually sat up and looked around the room, her eyes looked red and bleary. When Charlotte saw Kelly sat, waiting patiently, the memory of earlier came flooding back.
"Are you ready to talk about things?" queried Kelly, not moving from the chair.
"What's happening to me?" queries Charlotte, her eyes again watering up. "I just seem to be so emotional."
"That will be your body adjusting to your new hormone level. I presume you have a hormone implant, since you don't take tablets. If you are still overly tearful when Dr Smith comes next week we will query it then."
"Okay," wearily conceded Charlotte.
"Now can you tell me why you initially ran into the house? That was for a different reason."
"I hugged you."
"That’s a perfectly natural response," reassured Kelly. She got off the chair and went to sit next to Charlotte.
"But it isn't a natural response for me. Boys don’t hug like that."
"You're trying to learn to portray yourself as a girl. Hugging is just one of those things that a girl does."
"But I'm losing who I am. It's like Simon is dying and all that's going to be left is Charlotte. Simon was a legacy my parents left behind; someone to continue the family name and traditions. If Simon dies then who will be there to remember what my parents stood for."
Kelly opened her mouth to respond and then stopped. This wasn't a problem she had expected to come across. Simon was willing to try and become Charlotte but not at any cost. Kelly also found the way that Charlotte was referring to Simon as a separate person very interesting.
"I'm not trying to kill off Simon. The essence of Simon could never die as it is so strongly engrained into you. Your sense of responsibility, your kindness, your sense of equality are all noble items that will stand you in good stead as you live your life. Your parents did a fantastic job raising you and I don't want to remove that. I doubt I could even if I wanted to. You are you. The only thing I'm trying to show you is how you portray what you've been taught in a feminine way. Does talking in a female style make you less than what your parents taught you?"
"No."
"Does understanding fashion and make-up make you less than what your parents taught you?"
"I suppose not," conceded Charlotte.
"Did the hug you gave me depart from the manners and kindness your parents strongly instilled into you?"
"I suppose that a hug is just another way of showing manners and kindness," confessed Charlotte. "You're right. I'm sorry if I was silly."
"Never be afraid to show your emotions and fears," responded Kelly. "Just also never be afraid to tell me about them. I'm here to help you, not destroy you."
"Thank you," said Charlotte, as she leaned across and gave Kelly a warm embrace.
How much of a girl has Charlotte become?
A Different Plane of Existence
By Karen Page
Edited by Angel O'Hare
"Your movement isn't as masculine as it was," stated Kelly, "and your voice is getting there. What I think you need is a day out of the house, where you can see what it's like being Charlotte in public."
Charlotte turned white. "Are you sure I'm ready?" she asked fearfully. "What if I forget and walk like a boy and what about my voice? I don't know if I can do it."
"You'll never know unless you try," patiently replied Kelly. "You've been here five days and you can't stay cooped inside for the rest of your life. Tina yesterday performed a full facial clearance and you have no facial hair visible. In a few days you might have a bit of re-growth which would make this trip difficult."
"How much longer will Tina need to work on my face?"
"It's difficult to tell, but Tina doesn't think it will take much longer. Since you'd only just started to get some facial hair, there wasn't much to remove and it isn't that strong. It just depends on growth rates and how long some hairs stay in hibernation."
"What about school? When do you think I'll be able to go back?"
"You're certainly not like most children," Kelly said with a laugh. "Most children would love to have time off."
"I get board if I'm not learning. Also I have my GCSE's next year. I don't want to fail due to this."
"Well if you keep improving at your current rate, then you might be back in school after half-term. Now, besides your nerves, is there any other reason not for us to venture out?"
"I think I'm coming down with something. I felt all strange in my legs since yesterday. A sort of ache is the only way I can describe it."
"Do you ache all over?" queried Kelly, her voice full of concern.
"Not really, mostly just my legs and tummy."
"Let me take your temperature," said Kelly as she reached for the first-aid box.
Kelly removed an ear-thermometer and added the required disposable cover. "Hold still," Kelly said sticking the end of the probe into Charlotte's ear. When the machine beeped, Kelly removed it and peered at the readout. "Your temperature is a little high but nothing to be concerned about. I have something which should help you during our outing."
Kelly took a box from the side and passed it to Charlotte. Silently Charlotte opened the box and removed two small breastforms.
"Are these for me?" Charlotte asked her eyes showing a slight panic.
"Of course they are for you. I don't need them, do I?"
"No, I suppose not. However, I don't have a bra on."
"So let's go upstairs and find you one. I'll also fix the forms onto your chest so you don't have any worries about them falling out."
"That would be embarrassing," Charlotte confirmed with a nervous laugh.
"Now I don't want you to glue them on yourself until you have been shown how to do it properly. You can wear them loose but only I will affix them. After I've done your breasts, I'll also try and comb your hair into a more feminine style. It is short but something might be possible."
"Okay," Charlotte replied, "Lets do it."
Charlotte started walking to her bedroom when, just before she reached the stairs, she came to a complete stop. She started to grab her tummy and bent slightly as she felt an awful cramp there. When she suddenly felt damp in her panties and felt sick, she dashed into the downstairs toilet groaning, slamming the door shut behind her. Kelly, who had been following looked on, wondering what had gone wrong now.
Suddenly a great yell of anguish came from the toilet.
"Are you okay?" panicked Kelly, through the closed door.
"NO!" came the anguished reply. "Can you ring Dr Millard or Dr Smith and tell them 'It's happened'".
"Tell them what's happened? What's going on? Are you okay? Let me in."
"No, you can't come in," Charlotte virtually shouted, her voice sounding in tears. "Please just ring Dr Millard. They will understand. Once they've been told, then I will need your help."
"What's going on?" demanded Kelly.
"Please just ring Charring Cross," pleaded Charlotte. "The sooner you ring them, the sooner you can help me."
"Okay," conceded Kelly, as she reached for the cordless phone and address book.
"Can I speak with Dr Millard?" asked Kelly when someone answered. "I'm Kelly Baxter and I'm ringing regarding a patient called Charlotte."
There was a pause for a few seconds and then Dr Millard came onto the phone. "Hello Ms Baxter, Tom Millard speaking. How can I help you?"
"I'm not sure," Kelly replied. "Charlotte asked me to ring you and say 'It's happened'".
"Where is she now?" asked the reassuring voice of Tom Millard.
"She's shut herself in the toilet and is in tears. Do you understand what she means, as she won't tell me anything else?"
"Yes, I understand. Dr Smith was due to visit tomorrow but I'm going to ask her to set off now to check Charlotte over. The meeting she was scheduled to attend will wait. Is that okay with you?"
"We were planning on going out. Can't this wait till tomorrow?"
"Not really and I don't think Charlotte will feel like going out. You'll understand when you've talked with her. Tell Charlotte to tell you everything."
"Okay Dr Millard. However, I don't appreciate being kept in the dark about things like this."
"I'm sorry, but my hands were tied," he apologised. "Dr Smith should be with you in about three hours."
Kelly hung up the phone and took a deep breath. She felt very frustrated that she had been treated like this and didn't want Charlotte to see her wound up. When she was calm she knocked on the toilet door and said, "I've spoken to Dr Millard. He understood your message and said Dr Smith would come to check you out. He also said you should tell me everything."
Charlotte unlocked the door, allowing Kelly to come in. "My period has just started and I need your help. There is so much blood that I think I'm going to bleed to death."
"Now you're not going to die. No problem, let me...YOUR PERIOD? How can you be having a period? That isn't possible."
Charlotte showed the blood on her panties and on the toilet paper. "Remember last week; the womb transplant?"
"You received your Mum's womb?"
"That's about the size of it," agreed Charlotte. "That is why I don't take oestrogen tablets. I don't have to, thanks to the transplant."
"Let me go and get you a clean pair of panties and a tampon. Then we can talk somewhere a bit more comfortable."
When Kelly returned she had all that was needed. "I've never had to teach a girl this before, so please forgive me. All my student have already hit puberty and can handle this themselves, though I always keep a large supply in stock. First of all, you need to clean yourself up as much as you can. The blood flows at intervals so you should be able to clean yourself."
Charlotte progressed to cleaning up. "This is quite messy," she commented as she cleaned up.
"You better get used to it as this will happen every month for quite a while. The next stage is to insert the tampon."
Ripping off the cover, Charlotte looked at the tampon. It looked like two cylinders slid together; one end had a rounded dome that was split, the other a hollow tube with a string coming out of it.
"Spread your legs slightly and push the rounded dome into your vagina until you almost lose the grip of the top tube, hold that tube and then push the bottom tube until you feel the tampon come out of the top tube. Pull the top tube out and it should leave the tampon in place, up your vagina."
"It's not going in," moaned Charlotte after an initial attempt.
"You need to be firmer than that. Now push it in till you feel it enter the cavity. That is it, then holding the outer tube with your fingers press the bottom tube with your other hand until it enters the upper tube completely. That is it; you have just placed the tampon in the right place. Remove both tubes, and the string should be left."
"What's the string for?" questioned Charlotte.
"That’s so you can pull it out when you need to change it. You must change it often otherwise you might get an infection. "
"How often? Every hour?"
"Not that often but it all depends on your flow. When you go to the toilet you might want to change it then. Between four to six hours is what is normally talked about. When you remove your tampon you mustn't flush it down the toilet. Wrap it in toilet paper and put it in the bin in the kitchen. When you are in places, such as shops, they might have special sanitary disposal bins. Your blood flow will be heaviest for the first few days and you might want to also use a panty liner. They have a sticky side so you can stick it to your panties. Oh, and you mustn't flush the panty liner either.
"I'll leave you to get yourself sorted. When you're done why don't you join me in the sitting room? It sounds like you've a lot to tell me."
Five minutes later Charlotte walked into the sitting room. She hadn't been the bubbliest person, having had to deal with her parent's death and subsequent funeral, let alone her own personal issues. Now there was a slight hardening of her personality. Her face, rather than being unsure or reflective had changed to a face of determination. She walked into the room in a feminine style, but still meant business. It appeared that the fact that she was having a period had stiffened her resolve and had given purpose back to her life.
Kelly patted the seat next to her and Charlotte came and set next to her. Waiting on the coffee table were two hot chocolates, its sweet aroma tempting both of them to savour the warm sweet taste.
"Mmm," came out of Charlotte's mouth as she sipped the silky chocolate.
"This is a little tradition that my Mum gave to me when I got my first period," explained Kelly. "Ever since then, I always have a hot chocolate when I start. It is something I've introduced to other students, but I've never had the honour of passing on the tradition to someone for the first time. I've now managed to pass the tradition on properly."
"If I ever have a girl, I'll be sure to pass it on," Charlotte promised.
"Oh my goodness!" exclaimed Kelly. "You will be able to have children."
"Yes, but they won't be biologically mine. They will be my half brother or sister."
Kelly fell silent for a bit, "Are you okay about that?"
"It's the closest that I can get to being a parent. The chance to become a father ended when I was impaled. This period has shown that there is a strong chance that I can have children, so I now feel I have a future. I always wanted to be a parent, so if the only way is to become a girl then so be it."
"What about being with a man, so you can have a baby? Would you like to have sex with a man?"
Charlotte nearly threw up when Kelly asked that. "No," she choked. "But that is something for the future. I have the possibility; if I use it, is something else."
"That’s very adult of you," commented Kelly as she sipped her hot chocolate. "Is that why you seem more assured?"
"Am I? I suppose having the period just gives me a bigger reason to succeed."
With the shopping experience abandoned, Kelly asked, "We have some time to spare while we wait for Dr Smith and this is your special day. So what would you like to do?"
"I don't feel like doing much," apologised Charlotte. "I feel so washed out. Can I just watch a film?"
"Sure, there is a wide selection on the shelf. Why don't you choose?"
Charlotte had never been given the opportunity to choose before and she went to look at the selection. To the top was a selection of educational videos, some of which she'd already had the 'privilege' of watching. The rest were a wide selection of films, ranging from weepies to a small selection of action films.
"You have action films?"
"Some girls like them too," laughed Kelly. "Don't forget I'm here to help you become the girl that you want. I'm not here to make a stereotype."
"I heard this one was a good laugh," said Charlotte reaching for a DVD. "Kirsty watched it a few times but I always avoided it. It's something I feel like I missed doing with her."
"You are volunteering to watch this one?" asked an incredulous Kelly. "You WANT to watch Miss Congeniality?"
"Kirsty liked it," Charlotte replied defensively. "Isn't it any good?"
"Oh the films fine," hurriedly reassured Kelly. "Why don't we watch it together and I'll prepare a salad while Dr Smith checks you out."
Kelly had only watched the film with girls that would rather poke there eyes out than watch it. So watching it with someone who willingly wanted to watch it was something of an eye opener.
At first Kelly worried how Charlotte would take the film. Would she see it as pressure to confirm as a girly, girl? Kelly's worries however, were unfounded as Charlotte sat back, and laughed all the way through.
"I've never seen Michael Caine so camp," she laughed at the end. "The way he walked down the street was something I thought I'd never see from someone who has starred in so many films."
"Obviously you've not seen enough Michael Caine. He played a gay man in 'Deathtrap' where he actually had to kiss Christopher Reeves on the lips."
"Oh, yuck!"
"If I remember correctly it wasn't the best onscreen kiss I've seen," confessed Kelly, her feet swept underneath herself. She was the most relaxed that Charlotte had seen her since they'd met at the hospital.
As the titles scrolled up the screen, neither of them wanted to move and spoil the lazy interlude. Unfortunately the doorbell had other ideas.
"Why don't you put the DVD away while I get the door," sighed Kelly.
"Okay," replied Charlotte, giving a small stretch. "and thank you. You have really helped me."
Charlotte leaned across and gave Kelly a hug. This was only the second time that Charlotte had unconsciously given a hug and it was the first time that on realising hadn't freaked out.
The doorbell ringing a second time, forced them back to reality and they broke their embrace. Charlotte had just put the DVD back on the shelf, when Kelly came in with Dr Barbara Smith.
"How are you feeling?" asked the doctor when she saw Charlotte.
"Lousy, but apparently that is only to be expected."
"Her flow was also heavier than I would have expected for a first period," injected Kelly.
"That's expected," replied Barbara. "The organ has been menstruating for twenty years so will not be as light as a normal first period."
"It's hard enough learning to be a girl, after so many years of being a boy," retorted Charlotte. "Now I find that the newly installed girl bits expect me to be used to it and operate at full pace."
"I know it's not easy, but think of what it gives you," reminded Kelly.
"I know and I am grateful that I can still be a parent."
"Why don't you go up to Charlotte's room and check her out there?" suggested Kelly. "I'll go and make lunch."
"Just sit on the bed for a moment. Have you felt faint or dizzy at all?" Dr Smith asked as she started to measure Charlotte's blood pressure.
"No, apart from slight aches and cramps I've been fine. I feel very under the weather and don't really feel like doing much."
"That’s only to be expected," replied Dr Smith. "I remember my first period and I screamed the house down. I'm sure yours was even worse. For me to see things properly, I need you to remove your tampon. I'll put a disposable sheet down so any leakage doesn't get on the bedding."
After twenty minutes Dr Smith was finished with all the tests. "Besides the pain from menstruating, have you had any other pains?"
"No."
"Well you appear to be healthy. There doesn't appear to be any organ rejection and you appear to be healing nicely. Give it a few more weeks and a local GP won't be able to tell that you weren't born that way. I can't give a full internal exam due to you menstruating. You should have finished by next week, so I'll do it then. You can go and put a new tampon in. Do you need any help?"
"I'll give it a go myself," replied Charlotte nervously. "I need to get used to this."
It took Charlotte ten minutes to get things in correctly, but she was proud of herself for succeeding. "It looks like Kelly taught you well and you have been doing well with learning."
"Will I be able to go back to school after half term?"
"There's nothing physically stopping you from attending. I would like to make sure you are fully passable first though. I don't want you to suffer from any prejudice. Not all people are accepting of transsexuals and I'm afraid that you might get lumped with that title."
"Even though this wasn't voluntary?"
"Yes. It just upsets some people and they become blind to the real person. The number of people I've seen for SRS that have been assaulted at some stage doesn't bear to think about."
With the examination finished they went down to find Kelly just putting the finishing touches to the meal. "Just in time," she said as they entered. "Take a seat and it will be with you shortly."
As they all tucked into the meal, Kelly asked, "How did the exam go?"
"Fine," replied Charlotte and filled Kelly in with the details. "One question I've just thought of though. Since my womb was my mothers, will that mean that I will go through an early menopause?"
"What causes women's ovaries to stop producing eggs is still unclear. Since the trigger is unknown it is difficult to tell what will occur with you. You might only be fertile for another ten years, or you might be fertile till your fifty. Sorry that I can't be clearer."
Charlotte just nodded in acknowledgement as she was deep in thought. Dr Smith was about to say something to jar Charlotte out of her trance but Kelly shook her head to indicate Charlotte should be left alone.
Eventually Charlotte rejoined the others at the table, her eyes glinting slightly, "I want to be a parent, but I don't know if I'll ever want to have sex with a man. The idea fills me with dread and I might not have as long as most people to get used to the idea."
Kelly opened her mouth to comfort Charlotte but Barbara beat her to it. "The transplant was to give you the opportunity, if you wanted to be a parent. It's there so that you have that choice. You have as much right as any person, to decide if you want to be a parent or not. Your sexuality is your own business so I'm not going to tell you to have sex with a man if you don't want. Just be yourself and all will be fine."
"Are you sure?" asked Charlotte, her voice breaking. "You and Dr Millard won't be upset?"
"Of course not," she replied looking at Charlotte like she'd totally lost the plot. "All we want is for you to be fit and healthy and for you to live your life to the fullest. Doctors are there to help people, not to tell them how to run there lives. Before the accident you had the choice to become a parent or not. All Dr Millard and I did was to restore that choice."
The relief was evident on Charlottes face as the tears started to tickle down her cheeks. There was no sobbing and no upset, just the cry of a thousand worries lifting off her young shoulders.
"Good speech," silently mouthed Kelly. Barbara Smith just smiled back, pleased to actually do something other than surgery. Helping others was her primary goal and too often she shut herself inside the operating theatre. Yes, it was delicate surgery which the patients needed but she always felt that something was missing. Dr Millard had often tried to encourage her to be more patient-orientated but every time she talked to someone, she used to get tongue tied and inadvertently said the wrong thing.
After the meal was finished, Barbara offered to help with the clearing up but Kelly wouldn't listen. It was Charlotte, however, that settled the matter. "Dr Smith, you are a guest. It would not be correct as a guest to allow you to wash-up. Since Kelly cooked the meal, I will be washing up."
"You've learnt more than you've let on," smiled Kelly. "You will be glad to know I washed up most of the cooking utensils as I went, so there isn't too much."
"I'd better set off," said Barbara looking at the stately grandfather clock. "I missed a lunchtime meeting and I'm sure that Dr Millard will want to update me."
"Thank you for your help," said Charlotte giving the doctor a small hug.
"Your welcome," replied the shocked doctor.
The ringing telephone interrupted the goodbyes. Kelly moved away from Charlotte and Barbara so she could take the call in private. "Kelly Baxter speaking."
"Hello Kelly, this is Quentin Hobson. Is Dr Barbara Smith still with you?"
"Good job you called now, as she was just about to leave. Was it you who intervened last week?"
"You should know better than to ask questions like that. Will you be free from your current project to help during August?"
"Yes, I should be. I normally keep August and September free anyway so that shouldn't be a problem. I'll get Barbara for you."
"It's for you," Kelly said handing the phone to Barbara. "I'd take it in the sitting room where things are quieter."
"Hello?" said Barbara when she had shut the door behind her.
"Ah, Dr Smith, Quentin Hobson speaking. I'm sorry that you were unable to attend the meeting earlier but I agree that patients must always come first There are certain things that I was able to discuss with Dr Millard and Dr Ruiz this morning that I need to cover with you. When you have finished could you please come and see me?"
"Of course," replied Barbara a bit flustered. "Where are you located?"
"Ah, Kelly will give you directions. It can be a bit awkward to find the first time you visit."
"Er, can I ask what you want to discuss?"
"Don't worry; there is nothing you need to prepare for. I'll see you in a few hours."
"Bye," vaguely said Barbara as she hung up the phone. She sat holding the phone in her hand for a few minutes, wondering what the meeting was about. To get Dr Millard reinstated and all talk about Simon/Charlotte removed from the press, Quentin must be quite powerful.
"Are you okay?" asked Kelly, making Barbara jump.
"How long have you worked with them?" Barbara eventually asked.
"A few years. What they do there might seem a bit dark and sinister to some people, but they do a lot of good. I've never known them do anything malicious."
"Quentin said you'd be able to provide directions?"
By the time that Barbara had been given directions, Charlotte had finished clearing up in the kitchen.
"I'll see you next week," promised Barbara to Charlotte. "You are doing very well."
Barbara climbed into her car and disappeared, watched by Charlotte and Kelly.
"Let's go in," said Kelly as the car disappeared. "We should plan how you want to go forward."
After Charlotte had taken care of her new needs, she joined Kelly in the sitting room. "How are you coping with your period?"
"It's not the most comfortable thing in the world and I'm sure it will be a great nuisance. Part of me is distressed about it; being born a man I should not be having periods. However, there is another part of me that is thrilled as it means I can be a parent, which I'm ashamed about."
"Ashamed?"
"I'm ashamed that I'm pleased. Being a parent means a lot to me. I'd much have preferred to be a father but now I can only bear my half brother or sister, but it is the best I can do."
"Do you have feelings with your shame? Do you want to cry, break a window or maybe hurt someone?"
"No," Charlotte replied sounding shocked. "Of course not. I suppose I'm more embarrassed. I get a sort of feeling in my stomach. Sometime I think about it when I go to bed and might wonder why, but that is about it."
"Is it embarrassing, being a girl?"
"I don't know. I haven't been anywhere, so I don't know if I will be. You and the doctors know that I didn't do this voluntarily so there isn't the same worry."
"Do you think transsexuals that decide to have a sex-change should be embarrassed or ashamed?"
"No, of course not. I have some of that conflict now, I have the heart and soul of a man and I'm in a body that will slowly feminize. I've already had a period which no transsexual ever will. I met a wonderful transsexual in the hospital called Dr Sue. She has coped with so much to get to be the person inside."
"Would you like to live as a man again?"
Charlotte thought for a moment. "Yes and no. I'd love to go back to the situation I was in before the accident but I know that will never happen. My desire to be a parent currently overrides my need to me a man. I don't know if that will last but I'm willing to try."
"Would you be willing to try and go out as a girl tomorrow?"
"I suppose so," Charlotte reluctantly agreed. "I'm scared about it but unless I do it, I'll never get over the fear."
"Tomorrow, after breakfast, we will go into Gloucester and we can look at the docks and a few shops."
"What have I got myself into," thought Charlotte to herself as she contemplated what the following day might bring.
Charlotte's first outing as a girl.
A Different Plane of Existence
By Karen Page
Many thanks to the anonymous person who provided their editing skills during Angel's absence.
Unfortunately it wasn't the next day that they were able to get out. Charlotte suffered a lot during her first period and Kelly postponed the trip until things were on a less emotional level, which was the day after her period had finished. The time wasn't wasted as Kelly drilled Charlotte over those days, trying to perfect the way Charlotte talked, moved and acted. Kelly wanted this trip, the first as a girl, to be as big a success as possible. Kelly had been concerned that Charlotte's period might have put Charlotte back but it appeared to drive her on, making her more accepting of her new path in life.
Charlotte opened the car door and peered around. Nobody was visible, so she opened the car door and gingerly stepped out onto the gravel car park. She peered down at the docks and took in the cry of the flapping seagulls coming up the river on the tide.
"What are we going to do here?" Charlotte asked, trying to put out of her mind the question that Kelly has posed only an hour before. The panic of being out in public as a girl was quite effective in doing that.
"We are going out to get you used to being out as a girl. We will have a look at the docks and if you're feeling brave we can walk into the city centre to do a bit of shopping."
"No way!" quickly retorted Charlotte. "A look around these docks will be enough for me."
"Then lets go," replied Kelly as she locked the car. "The docks aren't big but there is a bit to them."
"Are you going to give me a guided tour?"
"If you want," Kelly laughed changing her tone to the rather flat informative version you might find in a stately home. "Well the building behind you was built for the Bank of England's registrar office, though there are other small companies there as well. It was the site of the old hospital before it was moved."
Charlotte giggled at Kelly's impression of being a tour guide. "Okay then, what about that newish building on the corner?"
"Ah, that's the county and crown court. It's ideal, they sentence the criminals and that old building over there is the prison."
"Cool. I wonder if they have a big tunnel linking them."
"I doubt it. The prison was originally built in 1782 but most of it is from 1840. It's a grade one listed building which means you basically have to get permission to hang a picture, let alone make any structural changes. I doubt even sneezing is permitted."
"How come you know all this?"
"Because I love history, especially local history. Just past the Bank of England building is the old Spa area of Gloucester. If you're interested then we'll have a look later."
"Sounds great," replied Charlotte reluctantly. She really didn't want to be out too long; what would happen if she saw someone she knew? Charlotte then berated herself as she was hundreds of miles from anyone that would know her. Perhaps walking round the docks would help her take her mind off Kelly's sneaky question.
As they made their way into the docks Charlotte continued to scan the faces of everyone she saw. Did anyone see that she'd once been a boy? Her scans had so far been negative. Most people seemed too busy, even in a pleasure area, to bother looking.
"You'll be fine," reassured Kelly as they entered Victoria Dock. It was filled with lots of little boats having been converted from its original aim of docking tall ships to that of a marina.
"What's that?" asked Charlotte as the skirted round the waterfront.
"Exactly what it looks like," replied Kelly.
"What is a church doing in the middle of the docks?"
"That is the Mariners Church. It was built to encourage dock workers in the middle of the nineteenth century. I suppose they also didn't want the smelly and uncouth dockers and sailors going into the churches in the city centre."
For the first time today, Charlotte began to relax and enjoy herself. Kelly made the whole local history exciting and, coupled with Charlotte's love of learning, she found herself forgetting her situation.
While in the church Charlotte found herself sitting on one of the pews and prayed. Charlotte was by no means a regular attendee but something just clicked and she felt compelled to pray. 'Er, Hi God, my parent died the other week and I know they were good people so will have gone to heaven. Erm, can you watch over them and make sure they are okay and tell them that I really miss them ... er, thanks ... er bye.'
"Are you okay?" Kelly tenderly asked when Charlotte raised her head.
"I'm fine," Charlotte croaked in response. She hadn't noticed the tears in her eyes before now.
As they left the small church, which was dwarfed by the surrounding ancient warehouses, they strolled towards the main basin of the docks. Charlotte gasped when she saw what used to be one of England's busiest inland ports. The quay still had the mooring rings where ships bringing goods to and from port used to tie-up. The bridge to the left was raising letting in a large pleasure boat.
'Could I get away without doing it?' thought Charlotte to herself. 'Would it really matter?'
A loud siren wailed across the air, bringing Charlotte back to reality with a start. Kelly just managed to grab Charlotte before she fell off the quayside into the cold, murky water.
"What's that?" panted Charlotte, looking around in panic. The noise of the siren appeared to float across the water and Charlotte had difficulty ascertaining its source.
"The start of world war three," Kelly calmly replied.
"WHAT?!" shouted Charlotte nearly peeing in her panties.
"I'm just kidding," laughed Kelly, no longer able to keep her face straight.
Charlotte thought about pushing Kelly into the water but thought better of it. She needed Kelly to drive them home.
"So what is it?"
"Well see over there," said Kelly pointing to the opposite corner of the docks. "That is where the docks link to the river. The docks are slightly higher so there is a lock. That lock gate also acts as a bridge so the siren signals that the lock gates are going to open so people shouldn't cross."
"Oh, I've never seen a lock before; can we go and have a look?"
"Sure. There, you see the boat coming out? It also looks like there is one going to go in so we should get a great view."
Kelly and Charlotte rushed round the docks as a second boat came out. Then a single large pleasure boat entered and the lock gate swung shut.
"What now?" Charlotte asked as the siren stopped.
"Watch and see," smiled Kelly. "Since this one is quite big we should see more happening than a little boat."
The water in the lock started to drop and the boat slowly went down. Eventually the water in the lock was level with the river.
"Watch the bridge," prompted Kelly.
Charlotte watched as the small bridge raised and the lock gate swung open letting the boat out to continue its journey up the river towards Worcester.
"Doesn't that cause chaos?"
"How do you mean?"
"Well traffic couldn't use the bridge when it was raised."
"It isn't a very heavily used bridge. It just takes traffic round the side of the dock and to a little village. Most traffic goes round past the prison and up towards the court."
"I never knew something like this existed," said Charlotte as they watched the bridge lower and life again return to normal. "Thanks for showing it to me."
"My pleasure," replied Kelly, glad that her charge was settling down.
"What a lovely polite girl, you have there," said an old lady, who had been waiting for the bridge.
"That she is," grinned Kelly as she saw the shocked impression on Charlotte's face.
"While we're at this side of the docks, why don't we see the two dry docks? After that we can go and find somewhere to eat."
"Sounds fine," absently replied Charlotte.
The quietly walked together, Kelly studying the silent girl. Eventually Charlotte, without looking at Kelly asked, "Did she really call me a girl?"
"I think her phrase was a 'lovely polite girl'."
Charlotte was again quiet, the turmoil of the situation causing many conflicting thoughts and emotions. She was pleased that the hard work was paying off but on the other hand there was the horror that the male life was drifting further into the past. 'Could I pull it off? Should I really be doing this? Wouldn't it have been better if I'd died with my parents? What should I do about Kelly's question this morning? Would it make any difference to me? Could I cope with it? Could I cope without it?'
After visiting the dry docks where they witnessing a boat having its hull repaired, which Charlotte barely glanced at, they made their way back to the small shopping area near where they started. Kelly didn't like the look of the small café in the centre so they opted for a pizza in the pizzeria in the corner.
As they waited for the pizza to arrive Kelly asked, "Charlotte, you've been brooding for the last half hour, do you want to share your thoughts?"
"There's nothing really to share," lied Charlotte. "I'm just worried about being caught."
"Caught?"
"I'm sure someone is going to scream 'that's a boy'"
"I'm sure that's part of it, but I doubt you have had those thoughts much since we were in the Mariners Church," replied Kelly carefully watching Charlotte's every reaction. "I think the lady calling you a 'lovely polite girl' sparked some emotions inside you. Am I right?"
Charlotte paused and sighed, nodding her head slightly.
"So, do you want to share your thoughts?"
"Not really but I suppose I should. I was thinking about if I should be trying to be a girl or if I should have never decided on this experiment. I was also thinking about what you'd said this morning."
"Ah, have you come to any conclusions?"
"No."
"Good, I don't want you to tell me your answer until tonight at the earliest. You need to make sure you know what you want. However, I think there was more to your brooding than that."
Charlotte just nodded and Kelly waited patiently for Charlotte to talk. There must have been a few minutes of silence before Charlotte spoke. The hostess came to enquire if the Chicken Wings were okay but Kelly subtly waved her off. She didn't want Charlotte not to answer.
"I had a thought that I've not had since the start of my period," said Charlotte reluctantly, when she realised that Kelly was waiting.
Kelly said nothing but waited.
"I wished I'd died with my parents," she whispered.
Kelly again waited, letting Charlotte think, now the thought was out in the open. "Thank you for sharing that," eventually said Kelly patting Charlotte's hand.
"You aren't going to say any more than that?" asked Charlotte in shock as Kelly picked up another piece of chicken and acted as if it was the most natural thought in the world.
"No."
"You're not going to shout at me?"
"No."
"Not going to put me into a straight jacket?"
"No, why should I? It isn't a feeling to be ashamed off. In fact it is a perfectly reasonable thought. I'd have been worried if you hadn't been having thoughts like that; though I do hope that you never want to act on them. Hopefully, as you begin to get your life back together your anger at yourself will fade."
"It's not really anger. More wonder of why they died and not me."
"Ah but if you'd died then you wouldn't have found out about canals, docks and lock gates. Think about all the things in the world that you want to see, want to experience and do. If you'd died in the incident, then how would you get the opportunity to do these things?"
"I suppose."
The pizza arrived and the conversion changed to more mundane things such as the weather. Why is it that English people always talk about the weather when they are trying to keep a low profile?
"What's that over there?" Charlotte asked as they walked back into the fresh air.
"That's a dredger. It's part of the waterways museum. If you want, we can come back sometime and visit that."
"Mmm, that's a possibility," replied Charlotte. "However, I've now seen a lot about the canal and I don't think I'd want such a detailed history of different boats and uses of the waterways at the moment."
"Well, let's go out of the docks area and wander through the Spa area."
"Sounds fun," Charlotte said without enthusiasm.
"Then lets go," responded Kelly, tactfully ignoring the reluctance.
They walked past many old buildings and as they walked down the road Kelly suddenly said, "Let's go down here, you might find this a bit of a change."
Charlotte, who was now getting a bit tired nodded her head and followed. "What's down here?"
"This is Cromwell Street."
"Sorry but that means nothing to me," said Charlotte. "The houses don't look anything special. The only odd thing I suppose is there is a gap where number 25 would have been."
"I suppose you were a bit young at the time. Why don't you look it up on the Internet tonight?"
They carried on walking and soon they were entering the end of the city centre. After admiring the preserved remains of the old city building just outside one of the shops they walked up Eastgate Street and then down Southgate Street back towards the docks.
"Ooh, do you mind if we call in here?" asked Kelly as they passed one of the clothes stores. "I need to get a new bra."
Charlotte, who didn't really want to stop at any shops, let alone going into the lingerie department. However, Charlotte couldn't think of any good reason not to go in, so said nothing and reluctantly traipsed through the doors into the shop.
As they approached the lingerie department, Charlotte was feeling a little ill. Was this really the life she wanted? She found wearing a bra uncomfortable and slightly cumbersome. She hadn't got breasts yet, so why go through the hassle of wearing a bra with false breasts? 'For perception', she'd been told on the numerous times she'd voiced these thoughts. She really didn't want people to know that she'd once been a boy and a fifteen year old really should have breasts.
Charlotte followed behind Kelly as Kelly pondered the style. Charlotte was glad that Kelly wasn't asking her advice but instead they discussed what Charlotte thought about the docks.
Eventually, when Kelly must have been through every type of bra she settled for one of the first ones she'd looked at. Together they went to a checkout which, at this late hour, there wasn't a queue.
Charlotte, who was trying to look invisible, was half behind the till, so only the face was visible to the sales lady.
"There aren't so many boys who would go with their mother as she shopped for a bra," she complimented Kelly.
Charlotte turned bright red and wished for the floor to swallow her up. 'Damn,' thought Charlotte. 'I knew this would never work. I should never have tried to be a girl.'
Kelly just beckoned Charlotte to move next to her. As she did the saleslady noticed the breasts and outfit that was being worn.
"Oh, I'm so sorry," blushed the saleslady. The shop had a strict policy to treat all customers, including transsexuals with the utmost kindness. "I don't know how I got so confused. You have a very beautifully daughter."
'Nobody else has twigged, so maybe it is something small. If I don't ask, I'll never know. Damn, I'm not a quitter; I will do this.'
"What gave me away," Charlotte asked after seeing nobody else was in earshot.
"I'm sorry?" asked the saleslady. Kelly wondered what Charlotte was up to but kept quiet, knowing full well the store policy gave them leverage if required.
"I know you saw a boy and know that I was born male. To help me improve I really need to know what gave me away. I can't improve if I don't know the faults."
The saleslady cast a furtive look around to see if they were alone still, which they were. She was, however, still reluctant to say anything just in case it made things worse. "I really don't know."
"We aren't going to report you," said Kelly to the sales assistant. "I would be very grateful if you could answer Charlotte's question."
"It was your Adams Apple. You talk like a girl and you seem to act like a girl. If it wasn't for the way you were positioned behind the till, then I would never have guessed.""
"Thank you," replied Charlotte. "You have helped me more than you will ever know."
"Let's go home," said Kelly putting her arm around Charlotte. "We've had a long day."
On the final section of their journey home, as they drove up the hill towards the house, Charlotte gave a gasp. She quickly looked back at a car that had gone in the opposite direction trying to see it, but it was out of sight.
"Are you okay?" asked Kelly.
Charlotte, who had turned white, eventually nodded. "I thought I saw someone I knew. Silly really as I don't know anyone in this area."
When they were back at home Kelly said, "Why don't you look up Cromwell Street while I cook the meal. It will be ready in about thirty minutes."
"Oh, I've reached a decision regarding the surgery."
"I want you to consider things further before you tell me," said Kelly. "It is a big thing to think about and I want you to be absolutely sure. Now scram while I rattle a few pans. Remember, I'll be checking the sites you've visited later and will be very upset if you break my trust."
Kelly went into the kitchen and started making the meal. As she browned the meat, she thought about how long Charlotte would be. Boot the computer, search for the details and reading the articles should take about twenty minutes. If, like Kelly thought she would do, think about the situation perhaps another ten minutes. Maybe another five if it freaked her out. Kelly therefore timed the cooking for thirty minutes.
Just as Kelly was finishing putting out the meal, Charlotte appeared.
"How could something like that have occurred?" Charlotte demanded to know.
"Why does anything like that occur? It certainly isn't something that people like to think about."
"But none of them deserved to die."
"Your parents didn't deserve to die but they did. But you didn't die. You survived."
"I know and I need to move on with my life. I suppose there were other ways they could have died that were a lot worse. I need to move on with my life and not be ruled by their death. I should be grateful that I'm alive and wasn't crushed under the terminal building collapsing but it sometimes is difficult when my life has changed so much."
As they ate, Charlotte suddenly put down her cutlery and said, "One thing that I've learnt is that life can be very short. After reading about what Fred and Rosemary West did only helped emphasis that fact; so I'm going to try and get on with things."
"You are doing very well," replied Kelly. "You have come a long way. It isn't easy to cope with such major life changes as you've done. I'm proud at how well you've done."
"Really?" asked Charlotte, her heart swelling with the praise.
"Yes really, now eat up before it gets cold."
After they'd eaten and cleared away, they both settled down with a mug of hot chocolate to watch the last remnants of the spring sunshine disappeared over the far hill.
"I never tire of seeing that wonderful sight," sighed Kelly. "The way the fading light filters through the garden trees is something special to me. It's one of the reasons I've never moved."
"I've only witnessed it a few times," replied Charlotte as she took a sip of her drink. "It certainly looks like paradise."
"Nah, Paradise is a hamlet just down the road," chuckled Kelly to herself.
"Huh?"
"There is a small settlement of houses about five miles away called Paradise."
"Ah, I'm with you now."
Charlotte continued to sip at her drink, knowing she wanted so say something but was unsure how to start the conversation. Eventually she said, "I've been thinking about what you asked this morning."
Charlotte tried to sink into the settee in an effort to make herself as unnoticeable as possible.
"You mean about having your Adams Apple shaved?" asked Kelly without any concern,
"Well yes," blushed Charlotte.
"And what did you decide?"
"Well I think it might be a good idea. I didn't think I'd go for it but I saw today that it certainly made people think I was a man. I suppose, rather like facial hair, it won't make me any more feminine, just another missing pointer to being male."
"Exactly," confirmed Kelly. "Are you sure that this is something you want? You do remember the risks that I mentioned this morning?"
"Yes I know there is a risk to my voice but I need to move forward. I've decided to try and live as a girl and this is something I need to do to achieve that goal. I never thought I'd want to see the inside of a hospital again but I'd be grateful if you could make the arrangements."
Kelly reached out and embraced Charlotte, who was shaking in fear. "It will be okay. The surgeon who will do your thyroid chondroplasty is very good and has performed this operation on many people. As it might take a fortnight for all the swelling to go down the operation will be soon. The surgeon, who is a friend of Dr Millard, had already reserved a space for you, just in case you opted to have the surgery."
"You knew I'd go for this surgery?"
"No and you still don’t have to have it. The choice is yours. Do you need more time to think?"
"No, I would like to go ahead. I've had a busy day, would you mind if I had an early night."
"Not at all," replied Kelly. "Sleep well."
As Charlotte went upstairs Kelly sat there, knowing too well that Charlotte would not be sleeping well that night. Today had been stressful and that always brought out the more severe nightmares.
After an hour Kelly peeped into Charlotte's room and saw she was asleep. She grabbed a blanket and settled down in Charlotte's easy chair to try and have a nap. Kelly hadn't had to do this for a while, but there was no way she was going to let Charlotte go through the turmoil on her own.
It's time to go back to school. Will Charlotte have all thats needed and who does Charlotte keep seeing?
A Different Plane of Existence
By Karen Page
Many thanks to the anonymous person who provided their editing skills during Angel's absence.
Two weeks after the surgery, the swelling had gradually faded and all that was left was a slight scar where Charlotte's Adam's Apple used to be. She looked at her diary and with a sigh, noticed that the date of her second period was rapidly approaching.
"Are you worrying about your next period?" Kelly asked Charlotte as she walked into the kitchen to have breakfast.
"A little," said Charlotte with a touch of ill-disguised worry in her voice.
"Well remember every twenty eight days is only an estimate. You won't know your cycle till you've been through it a few times. That is if you're regular."
"Regular?"
"Well some girls very a bit. We won't know for a few months."
"Oh great, what a strange body I've now got."
"Well just make sure you've got things with you a few days before hand. Now, are you ready to venture out again?" asked Kelly.
"I think so," replied Charlotte. "It looks like all the swelling has gone."
"Ah, you're getting braver."
"Not really, I'm just bored out of my mind. No offence but being stuck in a house is making me stir crazy. I've done enough walking and talking exercises to last anyone a lifetime. Then on top of that you've stuffed me full of information on how to come across as a girl. I never thought that being a girl would be so difficult."
"It isn't difficult," laughed Kelly. "It's just that all the other girls have had a lifetime to gradually learn this information. If you want to be accepted as a girl you need to know what I've been teaching you. It isn't as easy as putting on a dress and everyone would think a person is a girl. That is stuff out of fiction."
"There aren't any boys that can just don girl's clothes and pass?"
"Well there are some, but they are very rare. I suppose it depends on their upbringing and how long they have perceived themselves as being a girl. I've only come across a few TS's that are passable straight away. Just look how much work it has taken for you; facial hair clearance and an operation."
"I'd never have dreamed it would be like this though. So where do you want us to go?"
"Well in a few weeks you will have the opportunity to start school again. I have got you registered in a good local school and you will need to get a uniform."
"Do they know my history?"
"No they don't and I'm not planning on telling them. We also have an appointment with someone from the Gloucester Registrars Office to see if we can get your Birth Certificate changed."
"I didn't think that was possible."
"Well under the Gender Recognition Act it will be possible but the committee hasn't been set up yet. Since you've had a period it should be possible to make them think you should have been given a female Birth Certificate."
"Is that why a gynaecologist examined me last week?"
"Yes, their evidence should help swing the decision. It won't be easy though as civil servants are very unsure about making decisions that they've never made before; they tend to flap."
"Really?"
"Really, I've come across several over the years. If there is a rule or a law for a situation they are fine, but give them something unusual and they will try not to make any decision."
"Sounds like things should get real fun."
* * *
"Hi," said Kelly to the receptionist. "We have an appointment with Ms Pollock."
The receptionist checked her list, "Are you Kelly Baxter and Charlotte Turner?"
"Yes."
"Excellent," she said, carefully placing a small tick next to their names on her appointment sheet. "If you could have a seat, she is running a few minutes behind schedule but hopefully she shouldn't keep you long."
"You'd think everything would be computerised," Charlotte mentioned to Kelly as they waited.
"Another failed government computer project," she sadly replied.
Ms Pollock was running later that the receptionist implied and it was twenty minutes later that they were ushered into her office.
"Please be seated," she started. "Now, I believe you have asked for this appointment to ask for a change to Charlotte's Birth Certificate. Now we can't normally change people's Birth Certificates unless exceptional circumstance can be shown."
Kelly handed over Simon's certificate and watched Ms Pollock's face."
"You can't apply like this for a change when Sexual Reassignment Surgery has been performed," replied Ms Pollock. "You can apply in due course under the Gender Recognition Act."
"I had my first period last month," explained Charlotte as she realised what Kelly had planned. "I'm not asking for it to be changed, just corrected. Have you ever heard of a transsexual having a period?"
"This is highly unusual," bristled Ms Pollock. "I don't think this has ever occurred before."
"Yes it has," sighed Kelly, upset that the head registrar was so ill-informed. "There have been cases that have set a precedent for corrections when a mistake like this was made."
Kelly handed over a sheet of paper outlining the previous occurrences. "As you can see that while rare, it is not unheard off. Charlotte starts a new school in a few weeks and it would be nice if she could start without the old confusion."
"Do you have evidence of her situation?"
Kelly again removed a sheet of paper and handed it across, "This is a sworn testimony, in front of a judge, by a gynaecologist explaining that Charlotte has a full set of fully functional female reproductive organs. She can, if she wishes, in the future, bear a child."
"This is highly unusual," repeated Ms Pollock as she read the sworn testimony. "If you leave this with me I will investigate how to take this forward."
"Will it be ready for me to register and my new school?"
"I don't think so," she said. "This is very unusual and might take months."
"So, because of a mistake I've going to end up being a female having to use the male changing rooms at school?" twisted Charlotte, knowing full well that the school would never allow that.
"Oh," said Ms Pollock knowing she was in a no win situation. If it came out that she was being obstructive and had caused Charlotte issues at school, there might be an investigation and she might be demoted. However, if she didn't do things correctly she might get into trouble for agreeing to an illegal change. "I will need to take this up with the registrar's office in London. They will need to make sure that everything is legal."
"Of course," agreed Kelly, again removing a sheet of paper from her folder. "This might help. It is a statement by a Judge that the evidence shown is enough evidence that a mistake was made and a new birth certificate should be issued."
Ms Pollock read through the legal ruling twice and after not finding anything she could question said, "I need to fax this to the legal office for verification. Would it be possible for you to come back in three hours?"
"That’s fine," replied Kelly. "We need to purchase the uniform for Charlotte when she starts school. We shall see you in three hours."
"So where do we go for the uniform?" Charlotte asked as they exited out of the council offices back into the street, the smell of the docks filling their lungs.
"Do you remember the shop where I bought a bra the other week?"
"You mean the one where the lady spotted I'm really a boy?"
Kelly gave a look at Charlotte and Charlotte laughed a little, "That I used to be a boy."
"That's better. And yes, it is that shop, though you don't have to go into the lingerie department."
"So what's the uniform like?"
"Grey skirt or trousers, white blouse and a green school jumper. Though if it keeps getting warmer I doubt you'll be wearing the jumper much."
"That doesn't sound too bad. Can I have trousers instead of a skirt?"
"If that's what you want, though you might think about adding a skirt for some occasions."
Charlotte thought about it and eventually nodded her consent. "Okay but just the one."
They wandered into the shop and found the area of the children's department that contained school uniforms.
"So what style do you want?" asked Kelly.
"You want me to choose?"
"Well before the accident, didn't you choose your own clothes?"
"Of course, but this is different."
"How?"
"I suppose it isn't," sadly replied Charlotte after thinking things through. "I still sometimes feel that these aren't for me but for someone else."
"It's okay," reassured Kelly. "It takes a while to adjust, especially for the unwilling."
"I'm really no longer unwilling. I might not like it but I see it as my future."
"I'm sorry, that was a bad phrase. How about 'the unplanned'?"
Charlotte just nodded and looked over the clothes and pulled out several different designs.
"I'm not sure which will suit me, so is it okay to try all these on?"
"Of course," smiled Kelly not daring to mention that girls often take a lot to try on. "Are you sure about that skirt though?"
"I think it looks okay, though I'll know when I've tried it on."
They went armed to the changing rooms where Charlotte was ushered into one of the cubicles.
"I'll wait here," said Kelly outside the cubicle. "Give me a shout if you need anything or want to show me anything."
It was a quiet day in the shop so there weren't many people trying things on. An older lady came in to try on a dress and Kelly nodded a hello. After a few minutes Kelly looked at her watch and noticed that Charlotte had been in there for five minutes. Kelly was beginning to wonder if everything was okay when there was a sudden cry of anguish.
"Are you okay," quickly asked Kelly.
"Can you find something longer than this...this...this belt," said Charlotte putting the hanger and skirt round the curtain.
Kelly's face went through various contortions as she tried to stop herself from laughing. "I'll be back in a minute."
"It's not funny," complained Charlotte.
"Of course not," replied Kelly putting on a semi serious voice. "I'll be back in a minute."
Kelly looked through the skirts and pulled one out that was nearly knee length. Not quite but she thought that Charlotte might freak if it was any shorter. Not quite modern style but certainly not too 1940's.
"Try this one," prompted Kelly as she put the skirt round the curtain.
A few minute later the curtain was drawn back and Charlotte came out. "What do you think?"
Charlotte had on the white blouse and grey skirt. It didn't match the trainers but Kelly blanked that out. "I think that will work well for you. What did you think for the trousers?"
"I like these two pairs," said Charlotte, pointing to two trousers hung by the other blouses. "The other ones didn't either fit well or I didn't like the style."
"Then why don't we get two pairs of each, the skirt and the blouses?"
"That should be enough," Charlotte said, looking over the purchases. "Is there anything else on the list?"
"Well, you will need a few new bras."
"That means going into the lingerie department?" asked Charlotte knowing the answer already and her stomach sinking at the thought.
"Yes, but you should be okay. I won't let the bra's bite you."
"It's not the bra's that I'm worried about rather a certain member of staff."
"I know, but she probably won't be working today. Anyway, the shop has a very strong discrimination policy. It has had transsexuals transition including shop-floor workers."
"Wow, no wonder she was nervous when she realised."
"Exactly, now shall we go and get those bras?"
Charlotte, still reluctant, nodded and they wandered to the department. Kelly again made Charlotte choose. Charlotte just wanted to pick the first ones she found but Kelly wouldn't let her and since it was quiet made Charlotte explain why she wanted or disliked each type.
When they went to the checkout Charlotte was horrified to see that the lady behind the checkout was the same one as last time she was in here.
"It's okay," reassured Kelly as Charlotte came to a halt. "Remember how bad she felt last time. She is probably going to be just as nervous as you are, if not more so."
Charlotte swallowed hard, trying to drown the butterflies in her stomach, put on a slight smile and moved towards the checkout. Her eyes never left the checkout, watching for any sign that she was going to shout out "BOY". As Charlotte got nearer she saw the name tag said 'Mary'.
"Can I help you miss," said Mary as Charlotte approached, her arms laden with clothes.
"Thanks," nervously replied Charlotte.
"I didn't realise you were school age," said Mary as she rung up the clothes.
"I'm fifteen. I've just moved into this area and starting afresh," Charlotte explained. She looked around and saw nobody in sight so asked, "Do I look better now?"
"If I hadn't known you before then I wouldn't be able to tell," reassured Mary. "You are ready for school. Do you start after half term?"
"Yes and I'm very nervous."
"Well you have nothing to worry about on your looks or behaviour. All you have to worry about is moving to a new area. I moved a lot when I was young and I was always worried, which was always unneeded. All the schools went out of their way to make sure I was well looked after."
"That’s good to hear."
Kelly who had been standing next to Charlotte smiled as this exchange took place. Mary had done more to reassure Charlotte than anything she could have done. After Kelly had paid they made their way out.
"Where now?" asked Charlotte as they entered onto Southgate Street.
"Let's go and get something to eat. There is a nice restaurant called The Comfy Pew. The food's good and you'll have a great view of Gloucester Cathedral."
"Ah, more history," laughed Charlotte.
"It's not all history. Part of Harry Potter was filmed there."
"Will we have chance to have a peek after eating?"
"I think Ms Pollock gave us enough time."
So it was after a delicious lunch and a guided tour of the Cathedral including the cloisters that they made their way back to the council offices in the docks. The sky was clouding over and rain threatened as they went into the building.
"Can I help you?" said the rather bored looking receptionist.
"We have an appointment with Ms Pollock," explained Kelly.
The receptionist examined the sheet of paper in front of her. "I'm sorry but Ms Pollock doesn’t have any scheduled appointments this afternoon."
"We had an appointment this morning and she told us to come back now."
"Well I'm sorry but Ms Pollock instructed us that she mustn't be disturbed. Can I book you in for sometime next week? I think there is a free appointment next Friday."
"Can you please try her number," requested Kelly.
"I'm sorry but Ms Pollock is not available," firmly replied the receptionist. "There is a free appointment at ten Friday next week."
"Please excuse me for a moment," said Kelly pulling out her mobile phone and moving out of earshot. A few minutes later Kelly returned and said, "Can I wait for a minute?"
The receptionist thought that Kelly had run to find if the date didn't clash with something else just nodded.
"I have some contacts due to my summer school," explained Kelly quietly to Charlotte. "I rang someone who should give Ms Pollock a nudge to keep her promise."
Five minutes later an ashen faced Ms Pollock came rushing into the reception area.
"I'm sorry for that misunderstanding," said Ms Pollock. "Let see if we can sort things out. Please come with me."
When they were seated in the interview room again Ms Pollock said, "The head registrar has validated the request and has authorised a new Birth Certificate be issued for Charlotte."
"Thank you for your hard work," said Charlotte.
"I'm just doing my job," modestly replied Ms Pollock. "Here is a copy for you."
Kelly leaned across and looked at the proffered certificate and frowned. "That isn't correct."
"I'm sorry?"
"That NHS number is the old number. It is based on the certificate number so a new number should be issued or it will become obvious that the birth certificate was a reissued which could lead to questions."
"Oh, well I'll need to discuss this in more detail with other people. I'm not sure how easy or quick it will be to fix this issue."
"All these questions were answered when the Department of Constitutional Affairs resolved what they were going to do under the Gender Recognition Act," prompted Kelly. "I don't expect it to take more than an hour or two for a competent person to resolve"
"That is probably the worst bit of legislation this country has ever adopted. Fancy pandering to those transsexual freaks," muttered Ms Pollock to herself. Then aloud she said, "I'll look into it and correct the issue. I'm sorry for the earlier confusion with the secretary; I'll make sure nothing like that ever happens again."
"I think we both know what was going on," said Kelly politely but with a strong undertone that sent shivers down Charlotte's spine. "I expect the secretary did nothing wrong and would be very upset if I heard otherwise."
With that Kelly stood up and walked out of the room with Charlotte following closely behind, leaving Ms Pollock in their wake.
As they walked through the docks towards the car Charlotte burst into tears, "Why was she so unhelpful? She should be called Pillock, not Pollock."
Kelly steered Charlotte towards a bench and they sat down. Kelly put her arm around Charlotte and gave her a tender hug.
"Even though you had medical information that pointed to you not being transgendered she still didn't want to help you. Ms Pollock is on record for her hatred of transsexuals but that is her only flaw. In her other work she is highly skilled and efficient. I hope she learns from this experience that transsexuals aren't all bad."
"All bad?"
"A transsexual kidnapped her daughter because she couldn’t have one of her own."
"Oh," sniffed Charlotte as she wiped away her tears. "I suppose that does cloud her opinion."
"Yes, but it is no excuse to treat you or anyone else like that."
As Charlotte was about to get up from the bench she noticed Ms Pollock hurrying along the path. As she disappeared past a seagull decided to relieve itself and deposited a white blob onto Ms Pollock's head. Charlotte sat down again on the bench and giggled at the sight of the registrar trying to wipe the muck of her head. Kelly joined Charlotte in fits of giggles as Ms Pollock quickly headed for her car in embarrassment.
As they drove through Gloucester, Charlotte caught a glimpse of someone on the street. "Kelly!" yelled Charlotte. "Can we go back?"
"Sure," acknowledged Kelly, wondering what Charlotte had seen but the urgency in her voice drove her to turn around at the next junction. Kelly drove past the same area and Charlotte looked wildly around.
"She's gone," said a dejected Charlotte when she couldn't see the person.
"I didn't think you knew anyone in the area. Who did you think you saw?"
"I think I'm hallucinating," said Charlotte. "Either that or it's just wishful thinking. Sorry for shouting like that."
"It's okay. It was interesting to hear. You shouted like a girl, which just goes to show that you have your voice down as habit now."
"I hadn't realised, but thinking back I didn't have to think about speaking like a girl; it just happens like that now."
"Precisely, just as your movement is. I think you are about to graduate from my school and are ready to re-enter the world."
* * *
"Where are we going?" Charlotte asked. It was the last Monday in May which in England is always a public holiday. The schools were off for the whole week and it marked the halfway point for the school term. After this week Charlotte was due to start school.
"That's a surprise," came the infuriating answer. "Just put on a pair off jeans, a light top and a pair of trainers. If the wind gets up you might find a jumper useful."
"Sounds intriguing."
"It's something traditional that I thought you might like to see. It is an even that occurs once a year and is unique to this area."
During breakfast Kelly would give nothing away and Charlotte eventually gave up trying to find out the details.
"What's going to happen to me now?" asked Charlotte. "I presume I won't be living with you forever."
"No, you won't be living with me forever," gently replied Kelly. It was a subject that neither of them had wanted to broach but both had thought about. "However, I'm not just going to throw you out. First I need to make sure you've adjusted enough to attend school. Only when we are both happy that you can live without my tutoring and support will you move out."
"But where will I go?"
"Social services will try and place you with a foster family. Until then you are more than welcome to stay here. You won't have to join any family you don't feel comfortable with."
"Thank you," said Charlotte, tears forming in her eyes. "It means so much to me."
Kelly simply embraced her emotional charge. She found her work so rewarding.
"So, where are we going?" asked Charlotte as they headed out of the driveway after a semi lazy early morning.
"We are going to Coopers Hill."
"That means nothing to me," replied a frustrated Charlotte.
"I know," laughed Kelly. "Well Coopers Hill is the steepest hill in Gloucestershire and we are going to witness one of the craziest things I've ever seen."
"Which is?"
"Cheese rolling."
"So far you've told me a lot of places and names of activities but none of it makes any sense at all."
"I told you not to ask," grinned Kelly. "I'll tell you when we get there. The first race is at noon"
"Ahhh," screamed Charlotte to herself in an amused frustration and settled down t watch the scenery flash by.
"Wow, even a St Johns ambulance," remarked Charlotte as they wandered into the field. "Why?"
"Because each year people injure themselves. Not just the contestants but in some years spectators. Basically a huge circular Double Gloucester cheese is rolled down the hill and the contestants chase after it. The first person to the finishing line wins the cheese. The aim is to try and catch the cheese but that is a physical impossibility."
"That's crazy," uttered Charlotte in shock. "That hill is so steep that people won't be able to run down it without falling over. Parts of it look almost vertical."
"Hence why the ambulance is on standby; a broken leg isn't unusual. It was cancelled in 1998 after nearly thirty contestants got injured during the 1997 race. They now have local farmers a rugby players standing by at the end to stop people."
"And people still take part?"
"Oh yes, not just locals either. I once saw somebody from America take part, though he was near the end of the finishers."
They stood towards the finishing line but a little to one side. A man in a Top Hat appeared at the starting position with another man carrying the cheese. All the mad people taking part were sat in a straight line:
"One to be ready...Two to be steady...Three to prepare," shouted the man wearing the Top Hat. The man with the cheese rolled it and the cheese hurled down the hillside. "and four to be off!"
All the contestants stood and ran after the cheese. The hill was so steep and uneven that the chasers had no chance of running. There were lots of people falling over, staggering and even rolling down the hill. One person broke their ankle and another had to be stretched off after knocking himself unconscious during the run down.
"They are totally bonkers," Charlotte said as the first winner was awarded the cheese. Twenty minutes later the second race was won by a former New Zealand rugby player. At that point Charlotte went very quiet.
"Are you okay?" asked Kelly, noticing Charlotte's change in attitude.
"Oh yeah, I'm fine," absently replied Charlotte.
"Charlotte," warned Kelly, her voice lowering and eyes pieces Charlotte's defences.
That snapped Charlotte out of her malaise. "Sorry?"
"What's wrong?" asked Kelly. "Did you see that person you keep thinking you've seen?"
"That wasn't it. I was thinking about the rugby I used to play and wondered if one day I might have been as good as him."
"Do you think you were?"
"No," eventually sighed Charlotte. "I might have been good but I was never that good. It is nice to dream that I might have been but I know in my heart that it wasn't something for me to do for a career."
"Do you want to have a go?"
Charlotte looked at Kelly like she was suggesting the stupidest idea in the world. Kelly however didn't flinch and again asked, "Do you?"
"I'm not old enough to take part in that race and I've not entered."
"Not the downhill race. Even if you were old enough I'd warn against it. However, there is a children's uphill race. Have a look at it and then decide. You don't have to fill in a form; you just turn up."
Charlotte hardly saw the third or forth races, her mind was on the idea that Kelly had planted into her mind. The boys uphill race looked fun and so did the girls one. "Do you mind if I give it a go?"
"Not at all," laughed Kelly. "I tell you what. I'll do it as well so please wait for me at the top. It's something I've always fancied doing but never had the guts to do myself."
"So I'm just an excuse," laughed Charlotte as they made their way to the foot of the hill.
Charlotte, who hadn't done much physical activity since the incident, found it tough going up the hill and was surprised at how fit Kelly wasn't far behind her. They weren't the first to the top but they were far ahead of lots of others.
"That was one heck of a run," said Charlotte when she started to get her breath back.
"You're telling me," replied Kelly.
"You did very well," replied Charlotte. "I didn't expect you to be as fit as that."
"I have a treadmill and exercise bike in a room attached to my bedroom," confessed Kelly. "It isn't easy keeping fit when looking after students. When I've not got any in residence, I go running or cycling to keep fit. I've completed the London marathon a few times."
Charlotte slowly made their way back to the car. Kelly was having a private chat with someone she'd seen and had asked Charlotte to go on ahead. Just as she was nearing the field where they'd parked the car, a car passed her. As the car passed Charlotte caught a passing glimpse of the back of the car and the person sitting inside. The car was quickly passed and Charlotte started running after the car to see if she could again see person. However, the car was too quick, even in the small lanes so Charlotte was left wondering.
* * *
The following Monday soon came. The days before had been filled with getting all the small items needed for school. Charlotte hadn't got out the learning habit as she had been learning one thing or another ever since the being buried alive.
"I'll drive you into school today and you can catch the bus home. Tomorrow you should be able to catch the bus yourself."
"Sounds fair," replied Charlotte. "It will be good to mix with others on the bus."
"You seem very confident."
"Not really. I've never had to change schools before, so I'm very nervous. I've never had to remake friends as I've always known people that I've grown up with. All this change is going to be difficult."
"Would you prefer to move back to the area you used to live in?"
"NO!" almost shouted Charlotte in panic. She then calmed down and said more in her normal tone, "No, my past would quickly become known and I would find that a lot harder to live with."
"Don't forget that different schools teach the same things but in different orders. There may be items that they have covered which you aren't familiar with. If that is the case then the teacher should be able to give you notes."
"I suppose there might be items covered that I already know."
"Yes, that is also true. In that case I would recommend you use it as a refresher."
Kelly drove gently out of Holcombe, through Painswick and towards the school in Stroud. As they passed through Painswick, Kelly reminded Charlotte where the bus would drop her off for the two mile walk back to the house.
As they approached the school, the butterflies in Charlotte's stomach were beginning to get worse. This was a situation that Charlotte had never experienced before and was something she'd never had thought would be so frightening.
"Hi," said Kelly to Miss Freeman, the school receptionist. "This is Charlotte Turner who is due to start today."
"Ah yes. If you both take a seat and Mr Younger will be with you shortly."
Five minutes later Mr Younger appeared and with a smile, ushered them into his office. "I've got the details of your current level of education and think that you will do well in this school. Your form tutor will be Mr Davies who will also take you for English. This is a copy of your timetable and also a map of the school."
"Thank you," said Charlotte taking the offered bits of paper. She first looked at the timetable and noticed she would have PE. "I have a medical note excusing me from PE."
"Do you have a copy for the records?"
Kelly opened her briefcase and removed a letter which she handed across to Mr Younger. He looked it over and placed it in Charlotte's file. "During PE you should go to the library where you can have an extra study session. You have missed a few weeks of lessons so I'm sure you will have lots to catch up with. We are on the same exam board as your old school so your coursework is transferable. Your details were sent via a court official without details of your old school so can you confirm that the details are correct?"
Charlotte looked over the timetable and agreed that she was in all the correct lessons. She took the proffered coursework and looked it over. It was all her work but the name 'Simon Turner' had been removed 'Charlotte Turner' was there instead. Charlotte gave a quick look at Kelly who just smiled and gave a small nod.
"All looks as it should," confirmed Charlotte.
"Excellent," muttered Mr Younger as he ticked that off on his list of tasks. "I have Ms Baxter down as guardian. Can I have your parents details for our records?"
Charlotte went white and the suppressed pain reared itself. She felt tears start to form in her eyes and she blinked a few times. "My parents are both dead and I'd rather not discuss it."
"Charlotte's history is covered under a court order," interrupted Kelly taking a copy out of her brief case. "That is why her old school details were sent via the court clerks office and not her previous school."
Mr Younger took a copy of the order and gave it a quick glance to discover it was all in legal jargon. "I'll need to get the LEA to examine this to make sure we comply."
"That is a copy for your records. I anticipated your needs and a copy was sent to the LEA. If you ring them now they should be able to give you a layman's version."
Mr Younger was starting to feel a bit put out with Kelly's efficiency. He also felt very unsure of the legal barriers that were erected around Charlotte. He picked up his telephone and rang the LEA. It didn't take them long to fax him the required information.
"Well this is very comprehensive but shouldn't cause any issue with teaching you," said Mr Younger after reading the summary. "I hope that whatever happened in your past is over and you are able to have a happier future."
"Thank you," said Charlotte without much feeling. She just wanted this chat to end.
"I've asked someone from your new class to keep an eye one you. She only started after Easter herself so will have a good understanding what it's like to move to a new school."
The headmaster got out of his chair and opened the door to reception and signalled to the girl to come in. "Charlotte, I'd like you to meet Kirsty Wilson. Kirsty this is Charlotte Turner."
Charlotte followed Kirsty out of the door and into the school. "How could this have happened?" thought Charlotte. "What quirk of fate has me in the same school as my old girlfriend? Oh God, I hope she doesn't recognise me."
How will Charlotte cope, now that she has found Kirsty?
A Different Plane of Existence
By Karen Page
"Oh my God," bemoaned Charlotte to herself, as she curled up on the settee. "How could this happen? How can I survive another day like that?"
Charlotte not only found out her girlfriend from before the accident lived in the same area but went to the same school. After being thrust together, Charlotte had tried to keep her distance from Kirsty but to no avail. Kirsty hadn't had time to make any real friends and took her 'responsibility' of making sure Charlotte was looked after very seriously. As the day progressed, Charlotte slipped into the groove and was finding herself not wanting to be away from Kirsty.
"Are you okay?" asked Kelly. She had heard the front door open and had come in to see Charlotte cuddled up on the settee hugging a cushion as if it would save her from all life's woes. Kelly noted that Charlotte had flung her jacket and school bag onto the floor but decided now wasn't the time to discuss tidiness.
Charlotte just tightened her grip on the cushion as the memories of the day crystallised in her brain. She tried to find the words to describe how emotionally upsetting it had all been and how she was still affected. When Charlotte opened her mouth to speak, words didn't come. After a second attempt Kelly was very much aware that something was badly wrong. Kelly sat on the edge of the settee next to Charlotte and scooped the distraught girl onto her arms.
"It's okay," reassured Kelly as Charlotte broke down into tears. "It's all okay."
Kelly didn't say anything else, just holding Charlotte; waiting patiently for demon's to emerge. It took a while for the Charlotte to be able to speak coherently and a little longer for her to be able to make sense but eventually the story emerged.
"Do you want to go to a different school?"
"Ye-", started Charlotte who, just as quickly stopped. "No," said eventually said, "I don’t want to change schools. If Kirsty finds out then she finds out. She isn't a vindictive person and if she worked it out, wouldn't say anything. It is a good school and I seemed to fit in well."
"Are you sure?" asked Kelly with deep concern. "Will you be able to cope, being close to Kirsty but never able to act on your love?"
"No, I'm not sure," admitted Charlotte, her voice still trembling. "I'm sure seeing her will be equally painful but I'm not a quitter. I will learn to cope, just as I've learnt to cope with loosing my parents."
Over their rather late evening meal, Kelly pondered on Charlotte's situation. She was still having nightmares, albeit less frequently. Would this be a distraction from her parent's death, or would it just add to the stress. Would a distraction be good or, in the long term, be detrimental to her recovery.
Later, after Kelly had all but ordered Charlotte to go to bed, Charlotte laid wide awake, sleep eluding her. Thoughts of Kirsty kept intruding her feeble attempts to sleep. When Kelly went to bed and switched off the lights the digital numbers on the alarm clock became the only visible focal point. As the night drew on their constant green glow became her only companion.
"If there is a God," thought Charlotte, "he has got a very naughty sense of humour."
The memory of the day replayed constantly in her mind, trying to find any details that might indicate Kirsty had seen Simon. The prepared answers for "where are your from?" and "why did you move?" had seemed to do the trick without giving any apparent clue.
"Perhaps she doesn't know," concluded Charlotte, more in hope than anything more solid.
The clock continued its relentless journey through the sleepless night. Each minute that ticked by frustrated Charlotte as she wanted to sleep but the sandman had yet to visit.
"Should I continue at the school?" thought Charlotte, remembering Kelly's offer from earlier. "Would it be easier on all involved?"
Thoughts of Simon's time with Kirsty brought a smile; the first kiss with Kirsty, the first dance they had attended 'together', their tender kiss together under the mistletoe only a few months ago. Charlotte's smile of remembrance disappeared as the thoughts turned to more recent times; the heart wrenching kisses only a few weeks ago as Simon said goodbye for the last time. The worry and bewilderment of the situation was only surpassed with the yearning Charlotte felt for Kirsty.
"No," concluded Charlotte. "I might not be able to tell Kirsty but I certainly don't want to be away from her again."
With that decided Charlotte eventually drifted off to sleep, which for once was without nightmares.
* * *
After the journey home, Kirsty sat at the kitchen table do her homework but she couldn't get the concentration required. She managed to read the same page of the text book five times without any detail sinking in. There was something about Charlotte that was so familiar, so reassuring and comforting. What it was Kirsty couldn't put her finger on but the fact was driving her crazy.
"Have you done all your homework?" asked Mrs Wilson. After a pause she prompted, "Kirsty?"
"Huh? Sorry, did you ask me something?"
"Did you do all your homework?"
"Sort of."
"Sort of?"
"Well I've done some of it, but I don't seem to be able to concentrate."
"You do seem a bit distracted," admitted Mrs Wilson. "What's he called?"
"Who?"
"The person who has you all confused; what's his name?"
"It's a girl called Charlotte."
Mr and Mrs Wilson gave each other a quick glance and Mr Wilson gave his shoulders a quick shrug. It was obvious to them both that Kirsty was love struck but she had never shown any interest in girls before, well not in that way. It was good that she wasn't moping about Simon. Perhaps she thought that seeing a girl would not be being unfaithful to Simon.
"That's nice, dear. You haven't mentioned her before."
"She's just started at the school today," enthused Kirsty. "Mr Younger asked me to buddy with her since I'm also relatively new."
For the next hour Kirsty related every facet of the day to an increasingly bemused set of parents. This was something they'd never thought they would have to deal with when they had fostered and later adopted her.
That night Kirsty lay in bed, her mind failing to settle. Charlotte reminded her of someone but she just couldn't work out who. Every time she thought about Charlotte she sighed and her thoughts turned to Simon. No matter how hard she tried to keep her thoughts on Charlotte they always ended up with Simon.
"Tell me what's bothering you?" asked Mrs Wilson, as she sat on the edge of Kirsty's bed. She had heard Kirsty wandering around her room and had come to investigate.
"I'm fine," said Kirsty as she lay in her bed, trying not to look at Simon's photograph.
"If that is the case, then why can't you sleep?"
"I'm frustrated as I can't work out who Charlotte reminds me of. Every time I picture her in my mind I keep thinking about Simon."
"Don't worry about who she reminds you of at the moment. You have only known Charlotte one day so relax and enjoy having a new friend. Then if you are still friends next week why don't you invite her round for tea and I can see if she reminds me of someone."
"Oh thank you mum," said Kirsty, sitting up and throwing her arms tightly around her mum's neck.
"No problem," laughed Mrs Wilson, wriggling free. "Now get to sleep, you have school in the morning!"
* * *
The next day Charlotte was torn. Part of her was eager to get to school, she enjoyed learning and she would see Kirsty again. The dissenting part was frightened about what Kirsty would say if she ever found out and if other people in the school would see through her masquerade. The thoughts of the previous night still fresh in her mind just adding to her confusion.
As she walked tiredly to the bus stop she saw Kirsty in the distance. Any thoughts of not going to school vanished as her heart started quickening. Charlotte just made it to the bus before it pulled out. As she walked along the aisle she noticed that the seat next to Kirsty was empty. As most other seats were occupied, Charlotte sat next to Kirsty without it appearing that she was deliberately doing so.
"Hi," smiled Kirsty. "So you weren't put off yesterday and have come back for more?"
"It's quite a nice school and I've been made very welcome," smiled Charlotte, her heart beat becoming quicker and found it hard to resist trying to hold Kirsty's hand.
"You look a bit tired," commented Kirsty as they got off the bus and made their way towards their class.
"I didn't sleep well," agreed Charlotte, "but you can't talk. You looked like you were about to fall asleep on the bus."
"I'm not that bad," protested Kirsty as she tried to stifle a yawn. "Well perhaps I am."
The lessons that day were harder as Charlotte struggled to stay awake. The worst was during the afternoon, just after lunch. She was scheduled for PE but since she was excused she went to the library to try and catch-up on subjects she'd slipped behind with.
"You are here to study, not sleep," said the librarian as she shook Charlotte awake.
"Uh?"
"You'd fallen asleep with your head in the book. The bell just went and I believe you have a lesson to go to?"
"Yes, thank you," Charlotte said grabbing her stuff and rushing out of the door, leaving the librarian giggling in the wake.
"How are you doing?" Charlotte asked Kirsty as they went into the last lesson of the day.
"Surviving," Kirsty sighed. "I nearly fell asleep earlier. What about you, how do you feel?"
"With my hands," Charlotte responded absently.
"WHAT?!" exclaimed Kirsty, waking up and staring intently at Charlotte.
"Oh shit!" thought Charlotte to herself. "That was something that Simon used to say."
"Withering down," Charlotte said, saying the first words that came into her head. "I'm shattered."
Kirsty didn't say anything but just stared at Charlotte. "Ooh, isn't that the school bus?" queried Charlotte pointing at an approaching bus.
"Come on, we'll have to run or we'll miss it," said Kirsty, snapping out of her trance.
During the bus journey Charlotte noticed that Kirsty kept staring at her. After ten minutes of this she asked, "What?! You keep looking at me. Don't tell me I'm getting a spot?"
"No," Kirsty giggled. "You just remind me of someone and I was just trying to see how close the resemblance is."
"Oh?" Charlotte replied, her heart sinking. "Who?"
"Oh someone I knew where I used to live," Kirsty replied, trying to keep control. "I've written a few times but had no response. I even tried ringing but the number is unobtainable."
"Perhaps this person moved?"
"It looks like it, but it certainly wasn't planned. Our families were very close. I'd known Simon since we were little."
"Was he your boyfriend?"
"Yeah, he was. He was so kind and loving. You look a lot like him and you have a similar sense of humour."
"I tell you what. Why don't I ring Kelly and see if you can stay for tea. If so, then we can do our homework together and you can tell me about him."
"I'll ring my parents and ask their permission as well," said Kirsty as she pulled out her mobile phone.
It was quickly agreed and thirty minutes later they were both sprawled on the sitting room floor discussing the lesson on glacial activities. Kelly smiled to herself as she eavesdropped just beyond the door. Charlotte's training looked like it had worked as she was still the same person, but just in girl mode. If Charlotte had been radically different then Kirsty wouldn't have noticed.
Throughout the meal, the two girls chatted away with each other like they had known each other for years; which in fact they had. As the meal came to an end Charlotte said, "Thanks Kelly for letting me have Kirsty round for tea."
"You both seem to have found it useful, doing your homework together," observed Kelly.
"It was fun," Kirsty agreed.
"And we want to wash-up," added Charlotte. "You cooked so we wash-up, it will also give us chance to gossip."
"You're on," laughed Kelly. "I have some work to do, so let me know when you are finished. Kirsty, what time do you have to be home?"
"I'm not sure," admitted Kirsty. "We only moved down here recently and I've not been out like this since. I used to go to a friends house all the time, but I'd known them for years."
"I better ring and find out then. I'll also introduce myself to save her worries."
Charlotte and Kirsty tackled the washing up with much jollity. Kirsty couldn't believe how well she was getting on with Charlotte; it was like they had known each other for years.
"What do you think of Harry?" asked Kirsty as she finished the last plate. "I think he's taken a shine to you."
"You what?!" exclaimed Charlotte, nearly dropping the plate she was drying.
"You know, Harry Walsh, the one with the large hands. They do say that all body parts are in proportion."
"I..I.." Charlotte stuttered. She was rather shocked at what Kirsty was saying. "He isn't my type. Anyway what about you, since you seem so interested?"
"I already have a boyfriend and I know how well endowed he is," her face taking on a dreamy look. "My parents moved away but I'm sure we will stay together. We plan to try to go to the same university."
"I thought you said earlier that you were having difficulty getting hold of, Simon?"
"Yes Simon and I can't get hold of him," she said her face falling. "I just wish I knew what was happening. My Dad has to travel back to that area one day this week and is going to investigate."
"So, what was he like in bed?"
"I'm not a slapper!"
"I wasn't accusing you of being a slapper."
"Sorry, I never slept with him. We both thought we were too young and would wait till we were older."
"Too young?" Charlotte replied, knowing full well the real answer.
"Yes and well, we both promised our parents that we wouldn't. That probably sounds strange to you."
"Not really, I made a similar promise to my parents before they died."
"Oh, I'm sorry," said Kirsty flinging her arms round me. "There am I lamenting about not having my boyfriend around and you have lost your parents."
"It is hard but it is something I have to learn to live with," Charlotte replied, not wanting Kirsty to take her arms away. They not only provided her the comfort she needed but also was a nice excuse to be close without causing any further suspicions.
"That's all settled," said Kelly as she walked into the kitchen.
Kirsty gave a small squeak and quickly removed her arms from Charlotte. Charlotte almost sighed in pleasure but caught herself just in time and just gave a small thank you nod to Kirsty. All of this was noticed by Kelly who stored it away for future use.
"What's settled?" asked Charlotte, her eyes slightly misty.
"Your mother," said Kelly to Kirsty, "will come and collect you in about an hour. She was glad to hear that you'd done your homework and you should relax for once."
"Oh Mum," lamented Kirsty to herself as she turned red.
"Are you okay, Charlotte?" asked Kelly. "You seem upset."
"It's my fault," injected Kirsty. "I said something which made her remember her parents."
"It isn't your fault. It is something I need to come to terms with. What better time than with my new best friend."
"Since you've finished in here, why don't you go and relax. If you need me, I'll be in my study."
Kelly watched the children disappear out of the kitchen. She was so tempted to listen in but she knew that they needed their privacy. She just hoped that Kirsty would be able to help reintegrate Charlotte back into life without causing issues between them. She wasn't quite sure, but it looked like Kirsty was embarrassed at being caught hugging Charlotte.
The sound of the door bell brought Kelly's mind back from the pain of doing her accounts. She was unsure if Charlotte would go to the door or not but if she did then Kelly wanted to be there to make sure things didn't get too difficult. In the end the children were no different from any other children; they ignored the doorbell.
"Hi, you must be Mrs Wilson," said Kelly as she opened the front door. "Why don't you come in? I'm afraid that Kirsty might not be ready yet."
"Nothing changes," smiled Mrs Wilson as she followed Kelly into the house. "She was like that before we moved into the area. I thought it might have just been the infatuation with the person she was with. Perhaps I was wrong."
"Infatuation?"
"Perhaps that's the wrong word. She used to spend hours with her boyfriend."
"Didn't you like him?"
"You have me all wrong. I used to love Simon as if he was one of my own. The day that my husband got transferred was the worst days of our lives. I knew how heartbroken Kirsty would be and I was right."
"I'm sure she will find someone else," said Kelly trying to turn the conversation away from what she knew.
"Since moving she has done nothing but wonder when Simon would write or ring her. I've tried to get her to make new friends but nothing has come out of it till now."
"Well I think it's nice that Charlotte has found a friend in Kirsty," said Kelly. "I'll be sad to see Charlotte go; she is such a wonderful girl."
"See her go?"
"I am only fostering Charlotte for a short period of time. She will soon be passed back to Social Services where she will either go into a children's home or, hopefully into longer term foster care. She is probably too old to be adopted."
"She will still be in the area, won't she?"
"I doubt it. She was placed with me as she required specific care. She is actually from outside this county.
"Kirsty will be so upset. They have only just become friends."
"It won't be for a few months till she moves. She needs to get her feet back into her education and finish the term off. It will give chance for something more permanent to be found. Now let's go find the children, it's strange how neither of them heard the door bell."
"Opportunistic deafness," agreed Mrs Wilson with a laugh. The corners of her mouth showing the fact she smiled and laughed a lot.
"Girls," said Kelly opening the door. "Kirsty's mum is here."
Mrs Wilson peeked in expecting to find total devastation; instead she saw her daughter sat on the settee chatting away with Charlotte.
"Time to go home," Mrs Wilson said to Kirsty. "You'll see Charlotte tomorrow."
"Okay," Kirsty sighed, glad that she had a friend again. They walked together towards the front door. "Bye Charlotte."
"See you tomorrow," reassured Charlotte. When the front door closed Charlotte raced upstairs to get a discreet but longer view. The security light at the front of the house gave an illuminated view of events. Her heart sorrowfully sunk further into her chest as she watched Kirsty climb slowly into her mothers car and saw it slowly disappear.
"Do you fancy a hot chocolate?" gently asked Kelly after Charlotte had continued to stare at the now dark driveway for several minutes.
Charlotte gave a weak smile and said, "That sounds wonderful. Thank you."
They both curled up on the settee sipping the taste of their night-time beverage. Nothing was said for a while, Charlotte was unsure what to say and Kelly patiently waited giving Charlotte the opportunity to talk.
"How long were you at the doorway?"
"Long enough," smiled Kelly waiting for Charlotte to get to the real thing that was on her mind.
"I thought you said you wouldn't spy on me?"
"I wasn't spying. I wanted to make sure you were okay. As soon as Kirsty had left the house you bolted upstairs like a startled deer."
Charlotte again fell silent and continued to sip on the comforting taste of the milky chocolate. Kelly waited, not saying anything. "Why?" was the simple question that broke through Charlotte's lips.
Kelly didn't say anything for a while as she let Charlotte collate her thoughts. The opening shot was too loaded, as if to try and goad Kelly. "Why what?"
"Why all of this? Why the accident? Why did I end up a girl? Why did I have to end up in the same school as Kirsty? Why? Why?"
Kelly continued to silently sip her hot chocolate, making sure that Charlotte didn't have more to add. When Charlotte added nothing else, Kelly plainly answered, "Why does anything happen? Why were we born where we were? Why do people become good or bad? Why do people dye of illnesses or disease? Nobody can answer those questions. Some people might try but I never studied philosophy and would have no idea where to start."
Kelly finished her hot chocolate and placed the empty mug onto the coffee table. "You seemed to enjoy yourself with Kirsty?"
Charlotte gave an audible sigh of contentment. "It was wonderful to spend time like that again. It was like we'd never been apart. Her eyes sparkled, just as I remembered. She is such a wonderful person as she lives her life without malice."
"Sounds wonderful."
"It is," again wistfully sighed Charlotte. "Just being in the same room makes me seem to forget everything else in the world."
"Yet you seem frustrated."
"I'm living a lie. I was born a man and now I'm trapped in this female body. I have periods and I'm starting to grow breasts. Kirsty deserves better than me."
"Does she feel the same?"
"I don't know. She seems to be happy around me but I don't know if that is because she has feelings for me, or if it is something else. How could she love me as I'm now a girl?"
"You are essentially the same person as you were six months ago. Yes you have undergone a traumatic event and that will shape your future but your basic personality is still the same."
"Will Kirsty still love me then?"
"Would you like her to?"
"Yes," was the instant response. "Well, no. Oh I don't know. It would be wonderful if she did still love me but if she knew then she would probably be repulsed. She needs to find someone that would make her happy, rather than cling to her previous relationship with me."
"How would you feel if you saw Kirsty kissing another boy?"
"If she was happy then I'd be fine."
Kelly didn't say anything but just looked at Charlotte through her upper eyelashes. "Okay, I'd hate it but there isn't much I can do, is there? It would be more painful for her if she knew the truth. Do you agree?"
"It isn't for me to agree or disagree," Kelly said. "You have to decide what you do yourself. I'm just glad you understand that no matter what happens it won't be easy, for you or for her."
* * *
"What did you think of Charlotte?" Kirsty asked her Mum during the drive home.
"You seem to get on well with her," Mrs Wilson said, avoiding the question. "It is good to see you socialising again."
"I never stopped socialising. I was just more worried about when I will hear about Simon; it has been a long time."
"Well Dad was across there on business today," explained Mrs Wilson. "I might have asked him to see if they are okay."
"Oh Mum, why didn't you say earlier?" exclaimed Kirsty, wanting to fling her arms round her mums neck. Only just refraining as her mum was driving.
"I wanted it to be a surprise. Anyway, I didn't get chance to tell you as you arranged to do your homework with Charlotte. I take it you did get your homework done?"
"Of course I got it done. We also touched on the last few weeks work so it refreshed my memory and gave Charlotte a help with catching up."
"And I presume you did a lot of other chatting."
"Well, duh!"
"I'll have none of that," laughed Mrs Wilson. "Your Dad was just pulling in as I came to get you, so let's see what he has to say."
"Ah, the wanderer returns," smiled Mr Wilson as they entered the house. "I saw you leave as I got home and was glad of the message you left. So Kirsty, did you have fun?"
"It was fine," replied Kirsty in a deadpan manner. She then got more excited, "Did you see Simon? How was he? Why didn't he ring or write?"
"The house was empty and has been sold. The new owners are due to move in next week."
"WHAT?!" exclaimed Kirsty looking shocked.
"Let me explain. It seems Simon's parents died in an accident. I heard there was a wonderful funeral for them that lasted a lot longer than arranged. So many people wanted to talk about them."
Kirsty and her mum burst into tears at the mention of Simon's parent's death. It was something none of them were expecting nor desired. Kirsty thought of Simon's parents as secondary parents as she was as often at their house.
"What happened to Simon?" asked Kirsty in between sobs.
"Nobody seemed to know. It seems he was there for a short time to sort items out and then disappeared. I will try to find out. He won't know how to contact us so it is up to us to find him."
"You will find him, won't you?"
"We will do our best," agreed Mr Wilson. "That is all we can do. Now it is late. Go and get ready for bed."
Twenty minutes later Kirsty was in bed. She didn't settle though as her thoughts kept turning to Simon and the fun times they had together. It was bad enough that she had to move away but now Simon was gone.
While Kirsty tossed and turned her parents sat downstairs discussing the situation.
"How are we going to find Simon?" asked Mrs Wilson.
"Tomorrow, why don't you try ringing Brenda in Social Services? She knew us well from the fostering we did. She might be able to help."
"That sounds a good idea. I'll get onto that tomorrow. Talking of things like that I met Charlotte today."
"Your note said you'd gone to collect Kirsty from their house. How similar to Simon is she?"
"There is quite a resemblance and she seems to get on really well. It seems that Kelly is fostering her for a short time. When the summer holidays come it will be quite likely that Charlotte will be moving out of the area."
"That will devastate Kirsty," surmised Mr Wilson.
"That it will."
"Are you suggesting that we look at fostering Charlotte?"
"Would we be able to cope with three children?"
"We have the room and the love to give. Finances shouldn't be a problem, especially with my new position. However, we hardly know Charlotte."
"True, let's not mention it to Kirsty yet but why don't we make some discrete enquiries. If she and Kirsty stay good friends then I think we should. Heck, I hate to see someone get messed around by Social Services. She is a girl who needs stability and that's something we can give."
"You don't have to preach to the converted. Let us see how things look by next Friday and then we can take it from there. One thing for you to think about is if we do have extra children, the special present we planned for Kirsty at the end of term."
"I did think of it. I don't think it should be a problem and should be more fun."
How will Charlotte's life progress now she is settling down? This is part 13 of 14.
A Different Plane of Existence
By Karen Page
"I'm sorry Mrs Wilson but I can't locate where Simon is," apologised Brenda, from Social Services.
"Oh?"
"I can see that he is on the system, so I know that he is in Social Services care, but I can't access the details. For some reasons it has been secured."
"Why would they do that?"
"I'm not sure why they have done it in Simon's case. I shouldn't really tell you this but it usually happens when there are special details where his identity needs to be protected. That will happen if there was press interest or that a court had ordered his case sealed."
"Thank you for trying," thanked Mrs Wilson and terminated the call.
"I wonder what happened to poor Simon," mused Mrs Wilson to herself. "Poor Kirsty is going to be devastated. Perhaps a different avenue is needed."
With that last thought she picked up the phone and began to make some more enquiries.
* * *
During one of the breaks between lessons, Charlotte felt a similar cramp that she'd felt nearly a month ago. "Oh crap," thought Charlotte to herself. "It's a good job I was prepared."
"I'll be back in a few minutes," Charlotte said to Kirsty.
"Are you okay?" she asked back. "You've gone white."
"I think I'm just starting," whispered Charlotte trying to sound natural.
"Ah," replied Kirsty. "I'll see you shortly then."
Charlotte was glad that Kirsty hadn't decided to follow as she was still relatively new at this and didn't want to appear naive. When she got into the stall she discovered she was indeed just starting and was glad she'd put in a panty liner just in case.
When Charlotte next saw Kirsty she noticed that again Kirsty was giving her strange glances. "What's up?" Charlotte eventually asked.
"Oh nothing," sighed Kirsty. "I had a silly thought about you last week and I just remembered."
"Oh?"
"It's nothing, just me being silly. Forget I mentioned it."
* * *
"Are you okay Kirsty?" asked her Mum when Kirsty walked through the front door.
"I'm fine."
"No you aren't. Come into the lounge and tell me about it."
"Yes mother," Kirsty sighed following her mum into the lounge.
"So?"
"It's silly. Charlotte is so similar to how Simon was that I began to think they were the same person. Charlotte started her period today so I now know that can't be true."
"I must admit she did seem similar. You must be so disappointed. Why didn't you tell me your thoughts?"
"Because they were just silly ones. I wished I had Simon back and I felt guilty."
"Guilty?"
"It's nothing," Kirsty lied, wishing she hadn't said anything.
"Really?"
"Yes."
"Let me see if I can guess why you felt guilty. Is it because you found yourself fancying Charlotte and if they were the same person you thought that would be okay? Now Charlotte is having her period, you now know that Simon and Charlotte isn't the same person, so you feel that you have betrayed Simon?"
"How did you know?" Kirsty asked, her mouth dropping open.
"Mothers know everything."
"Yeah right," Kirsty giggled.
"Oh okay, I was your age once. I know it is surprising but I do remember what it is like to be fifteen and in love."
Kirsty sat there for a moment, not saying anything. Her mum just waited knowing there was more. Eventually Kirsty broke her silence, "Is it wrong for me to have feelings for another girl?"
"Oh, here it comes," thought Mrs Wilson. "Just the conversation I was dreading. Oh well, I suppose I just have to be as honest as I can be."
"Have you ever had feelings for any other girl?"
"No, I haven't and I was surprised when I discovered I had them for Charlotte."
"I suppose that if you felt that Charlotte was a lot like Simon then it is only natural you had similar feelings for both of them."
"But is it wrong?"
"Wrong in what respect? Wrong that you cheat on Simon or wrong that it's a girl?"
"I know it's wrong cheating Simon. Is it wrong that I'm in love with a girl?"
"In love? Not just feelings? Oh boy," Mrs Wilson thought.
"It depends who you ask. If you have feelings for Charlotte then you might be bisexual. I don't have a problem with that but some people in society might. Society seems to have more issues with two boys in a relationship than two girls. However, when you are older and finally commit to a person in a relationship then you commit to that person. Even though you might have the ability to love both boys and girls, it is still cheating if you stray."
"Oh, it sounds rather complex."
"It certainly adds extra complexity but you have to be true to yourself. Since the day you met Charlotte I've known you were attracted to her. As I said, I don't have an issue and neither does your Dad. Just be careful as some people will have issues and they might cause you trouble. One last thing for you to think about is Charlotte. She might not have the same feelings about you. What if you tell her and she is offended?"
"I didn't think of that," Kirsty said getting introspective again.
* * *
"It seems someone wants to foster you till you are eighteen," explained Kelly to Charlotte as the breakfast washing up was put away.
"Oh," said Charlotte sadly. She'd been hoping to stay in the area as she'd lost Kirsty once and now it looked like she would lose her again.
"I thought you would be pleased to have a bit of stability in your future."
"I am but I will miss you. You have been a big help."
"Are you sure that I'm the one you are getting sad about?"
"Okay, I'll really miss Kirsty. I know I've got to move on but we were getting on really well. I suppose it is for the best, at least she won't need to find out. So when do we visit?"
"Later today. Yvonne, from Social Services, will be here at about eleven to take us both."
"Wasn't Yvonne someone from the local Social Services?" Charlotte asked, her hopes starting to rise that she could stay in the area.
"Yes," replied Kelly with a slight smile.
"You know where they are, don't you?"
"Yes, but I can't tell you. That has to come from Yvonne."
"Ahhhh," screamed Charlotte with frustration.
The morning went slowly but soon Yvonne appeared. Yvonne was in her mid-forties with short blond hair. She looked quite strict but had the heart of gold. She was the toughest person when making sure that the foster parents and children were suitable for each other.
"Good to see you again," smiled Yvonne.
"And you," replied Charlotte nervously.
"Hey don't be so nervous," said Yvonne. "In the fifteen years I've been in this job this is one tie-up that seems like a match made in heaven."
"Let me just go to the toilet," Charlotte replied. "I don't want to get caught short during the journey."
Yvonne looked across at Kelly who shook her head slightly. Yvonne nodded in response.
With Charlotte all ready, they all got into Yvonne's car and made there way out of the driveway.
"What will I tell Kirsty," thought Charlotte to herself. 'How will I cope without her? I wonder if I should tell her the truth before I go.'
Yvonne drove her car down the road and into Painswick. Charlotte sat back in the car and shut her eyes to doze during the long journey. The sound of the car indicator made her reopen them. She watched in growing amazement as they drew up outside a familiar house. She had been here several times over the last few weeks.
"Are you having me on?" asked Charlotte, tears of happiness starting to swell in her eyes.
"Would I do that to you?" asked Yvonne indignantly.
"And would I allow that to happen to you?" asked Kelly equally indignantly.
"Does Kirsty know?" asked Charlotte as she undid her seatbelt.
"Her parents wanted it to be a surprise for her," said Yvonne. "All she knows is that a child is coming that her parents are thinking about fostering."
At the door, Yvonne rang the doorbell and Charlotte positioned herself beside her. All three of the Wilson's came to the door.
"Oh hi Charlotte," said Kirsty. "Sorry but we are expecting someone."
"So I've just been told," grinned Charlotte.
"Hi Kirsty," said Yvonne. "My name is Yvonne and I'm from Social Services."
The scream of delight that rang out signalled the fact that Kirsty understood.
"That's enough," said Mr Wilson. "If you keep this up Yvonne won't think we can control children under our care."
They all crowded into the lounge. Mr Wilson had brought a few chairs in from the kitchen and they all settled down to discuss the arrangements. After an hour it was decided that Charlotte would stay the following weekend for a trial. If all went well she would move in permanently shortly afterwards.
* * *
"Hello, is this Mr Wilson?"
"Yes it is. Who are you?"
"I am Judge Richardson. I believe you and your wife have been trying to track down Simon Turner?"
"Yes we have, do you have any information as to his whereabouts?"
"Yes I do, but that information is secured by a court order. I am telephoning you to ask you to stop trying to find him. There are reasons, which I'm not allowed to explain, that stop me giving out any more information."
"Can I just ask, is he okay?"
"Simon has gone through a traumatic experience and is recovering well. He did authorise me to tell you that he will let you know where he is when he has recovered enough and he does now know where you live."
"Thank you for letting me know," said Mr Wilson. "I'm sorry if I've caused you any trouble."
"I know you were searching because you care for the child. Just please don't continue your search as it might harm Simon's recovery. It might be many years before Simon feels he can approach you, if at all. He has gone through so much. He also asked if you could give his love to Kirsty and tell her that she should find someone new as she shouldn't wait for someone that might never appear."
"Can you let him know that we'll be there for him when he is ready? We were like second parents to him and we hate to think of him suffering. We are very open minded people."
"I will try and get word to him," agreed the Judge.
* * *
"Charlotte," called Kelly. "I have Kirsty on the phone." When Charlotte appeared, Kelly said quietly, "She seems very upset. Do you think the Judge spoke to Kirsty's parents?"
"Probably. Okay, I'll speak with her. Would it be possible if I could be alone for this?"
"Of course," said Kelly. "I'll be in my study."
Kelly disappeared and shut the door behind her. She knew that this wasn't going to be easy for Kirsty or Charlotte. It was the right thing to do as Kirsty couldn't keep hoping that Simon would turn up like a knight in shining armour.
"Hi Kirsty," said Charlotte, putting on a brave front. She didn't want to breakdown while talking to Kirsty. Kirsty needed her to be brave and stable. Her crying would not help.
"Oh Charlotte it's awful," sniffled Kirsty. "Simon's gone."
"Gone? You said he had disappeared and your parents were trying to track him down."
"A judge spoke with Dad earlier. He said something about Simon being highly traumatised, whatever that means, and doesn't know when, or if, he will be able to see us again. It then got worse," said Kirsty breaking into huge sobs. "He said I should find someone new."
"Oh Kirsty, that’s awful."
"Oh it's just like him. He is thinking that if something is wrong that I wouldn't want him anymore, that I would stop loving him. He is such a brave boy and probably going through hell and not wanting to get me involved."
"Why would he do that?"
"Because he is always trying to protect me and it sounds like he is still doing it."
"So what do you do now?"
"I've no idea," sobbed Kirsty. "I wish I did. I have known him since I was about seven and now he's gone."
"He isn't dead," reassured Charlotte.
"He might as well be dead. I think this is worse, as I know he is alive somewhere and not wanting me. I wish I was dead."
"He is probably sat somewhere going through hell worrying how you are, not able to reach out and be with you. Most likely he's doing this because he wants you to find happiness and not having to put your own life on hold. You can't live your life with regrets; you need to look to the future. You might never see him again but I'm sure there will be someone out there for you."
"You think so?"
"I do."
"Do you know that I used to think you were so similar to Simon that I thought you were him in disguise?" half laughed, half sobbed Kirsty. "Heck, even your surname is the same. However, your period put an end to that idea."
"Do your parents know you're this upset?"
"Oh yeah, my Mum is waiting for me outside, wanting to smother me in cotton wool."
"Well get her to make a hot chocolate, with lots of cream on top. It helped me during some of my dark hours."
"I've got to go. Mum is reminding me I've got school tomorrow."
"Will you be okay for school?"
"I hope so. I'll tell you more about it before lessons."
"Okay Kirsty and don't forget the hot chocolate."
Charlotte put down the phone and sat staring into space. The little composure she had left rapidly vanished. "What have I done to her? What if she does something silly? How can I live with myself, knowing that I've caused her such hurt? Should I have told her I'm Simon? Would that have made life easier for her?"
There was a knock on the door and Kelly came in carrying a tray with two mugs of hot chocolate. "I thought you might want a chat."
Charlotte didn't even attempt to wipe the tears away as she blurted out, "Oh Kelly, it's awful. She is so upset; she doesn't know what to do with herself. All I could suggest was that she has a hot chocolate."
Kelly gave a little smile at that. "That will help alleviate some symptoms but the best thing to do over a hot chocolate is chat. Would it help her if you were there?"
"I don't think I could. Seeing her would totally destroy me. I know I'm being selfish."
"Not really, if you got upset it would make the situation worse. Let me ring her mother now and tell her to keep an eye on her, though I'm sure she is already."
"Her Mum is already with her and knows how upset she is."
"That’s good, so there really is nothing more you can do for her tonight. Tomorrow her hurt and pain will still be there but it will be less than it is tonight. All you can do is be there for her tomorrow at school."
"Would it have been easier if I'd told her I used to be Simon? She told me tonight on the phone that she suspected that I was Simon till I had my period."
"Did you want to tell her?"
"Part of me did but a bigger part of me didn't. I would've felt like such a freak."
"Why a freak?"
"Because she knew me before the accident. She wouldn't have known how to treat me. I would have had so much sympathy and she might have wanted to stay with me due to that, rather than any actual feelings. I also feel I've lied and it would be like owning up."
"You will be living with them soon; don't you think you should tell them?"
"I can't, I just can't. They will hate me and then I will lose them."
"Would they really turn their back on you?"
"I don't know. I doubt it but it is something I just don't feel I can do. Perhaps one day I'll feel different."
* * *
The next day a tired Charlotte met a shattered Kirsty at the bus stop. "You look awful."
"You don't look much better yourself," retorted Kirsty.
"I probably look better than you feel. How're you coping?"
"I'm surviving. The hot chocolate you suggested was nice to sip as I chatted more with Mum. Dad tried his best to help but he just didn't seem to know how to relate, so Mum sent him to bed."
"So did you come to any conclusions about Simon?"
"Only that I'll try and get on with my life. I'll miss him tremendously and hope that one day to see him again. His life must be very hard for him, having lost his parents, I know as I lost mine. I also know how difficult and lonely it can be under Social Services and how hard it can be to find something long term. I got passed around between different foster parents, a few months here, a few months there; never enough time to settle and make friends. I was about seven when I moved in with Mr and Mrs Wilson so I spent two years moving between ten different families. Just when you are at your lowest, life can seem very bleak and unforgiving. Though I don't think I need to tell you that, you're in foster care."
"I suppose I'm lucky. I knew I was only going to be with Kelly a few months and I manage to get hooked with your parents so quickly. I just hope they want to keep me."
"I'm sure they will. They have never turned their back on any kids."
"I know, I've seen them in action for a long time and I am really lucky," thought Charlotte to herself.
"So with Simon out of the picture, what about you and Harry Walsh?"
"Harry Walsh?"
"Yeah, you know the chap with the large hands. As you said, everything is in proportion."
Kirsty gave a weak smile as she tried to hit Charlotte but Charlotte was too quick and jumped onto the bus that had just arrived.
* * *
A few weeks after her initial foster visit, it was time to move in with the Wilson's on a permanent basis. She had been to stay a few times and had fitted in very easily. Charlotte said a tearful goodbye to Kelly, who said, "Don't worry; you are only down the road. I expect you to come round for meals sometimes."
"It's a deal," agreed Charlotte hugging her ex foster mother. "Thank you for all your help, I don't think I would have survived these few months without you."
"Oh, I'm sure you would have. You are a fighter. You've been dealt a cruel card and you have decided to live the best you can. Many other children would have moaned and tried to commit suicide. You decided to live your life and that has made people more willing to help you. Now, I have put your new documents into your handbag. Your NHS card, National Insurance card and passport are all there. Judge Richardson will keep your birth certificate until it can be changed."
At the Wilson's, Kelly helped Charlotte move her meagre belongings from the car. Mr Wilson insisted that he carry the rather heavy suitcase. "I thought you said you only had a few clothes," he huffed.
"I do," she said. "The rest is the lead weights that Kelly insisted I put in!"
"It feels like it as well. We were planning on putting you into your own bedroom but since you have both been through some emotional upheaval we decided to put you in with Kirsty. If you both decide you need your own space then we shall move you. I'm afraid I'm not as tolerant as Ms Baxter. Please either call me Mr Wilson or Dad."
"Okay. It will probably be Mr Wilson as it's too recent for me to forget my parents."
"You're right, sorry if I offended your memory of them."
Kelly didn't follow as she quickly grabbed Mrs Wilson. "You do remember I told you that Charlotte sometimes has nightmares? Won't that disturb Kirsty if Charlotte has one?"
"Probably," smiled Mrs Wilson. "However, a few years ago we had a short term foster child who had nightmares and we found it greatly comforted the child knowing there was someone else in the room. It reduced the severity of the nightmares and they faded quite quickly."
"Mmmm, interesting idea," mused Kelly. "Will you let me know how Charlotte copes?"
"Of course I will. You're only up the road and I'm sure that Charlotte will want to visit you sometimes."
"I hope so. She is a very special girl and very brave. Not many would have survived what she has been through. Charlotte will take a lot of time to tell you herself."
"Are you able to tell me anything?"
"I'm afraid not as there are legal implications. The only person that can tell you is Charlotte. Just know that she might appear to be a smiley, bubbly girl but inside she is still highly traumatised."
That night Kirsty and Charlotte lay awake, quietly talking way past the time they should have been asleep. Even in their hushed tones Mr and Mrs Wilson had heard and smiled at the joy it was to have a larger household again.
"I think they will do each other a lot of good," said Mr Wilson as he climbed into bed next to his wife. "They seem to get on so well."
"That they do. I just hope it stays that way. I also hope they go to sleep soon."
"Ah, don't worry; they will settle when they settle. It is Sunday tomorrow so there will be no rush for them to get up too early."
The two young girls eventually settled and were soon asleep. Kirsty drifted off first and Charlotte learnt one thing about Kirsty that she didn't know before, she snored. With a small grin of finding out something she didn't know, Charlotte turned over and settled into sleep.
The quiet of the house didn't last; at just past 3am a loud scream rang out into the night. "What was that?" asked Mr Wilson, his heart racing faster than it had done for years.
"It sounds like Charlotte has had a nightmare," replied Mrs Wilson who was already out of bed and running towards the girl's room.
As she reached it she heard, "Its okay Charlotte, I'm here. It was just a nightmare." Mrs Wilson popped her head round the door and Kirsty waved her Mum away.
"Do you want to tell me about it?"
"I relived the final moments of seeing my parents alive," sobbed Charlotte. "I saw them die and I was not far behind."
"You sounded absolutely terrified," Kirsty pointed out. "Did you feel that frightened?"
"Yes," sobbed Charlotte. "It seems my Dad died straight away but Mum's life ebbed away over several hours. I didn't know she was dying and could only talk with her, not knowing the pain she was in."
"You probably distracted her," thought Kirsty out loud.
"That is what the hospital psychiatrist said. I just wish I'd known."
"Would you have been able to help? Would it have made it any better?"
"I suppose not."
"Look, why don't you go to the toilet and wash your face. You seem to have sweated quite a lot."
"Sorry for waking you."
"Don't be silly. What are sisters for?"
When Charlotte got back from cleaning herself up Kirsty said, "Your bed is a bit of a smelly mess and I don't want to disturb Mum by getting clean sheets out. Why don't you snuggle up with me; it might stop the nightmares."
"I can't do that," gasped Charlotte.
"Would you rather sleep in smelly sheets?"
"I suppose not but isn't it wrong?"
"Don't be silly," said Kirsty. "It isn't like you are a boy or anything."
Charlotte climbed into bed and they settled to sleep. When Kirsty thought Charlotte was asleep she whispered, "Sleep well Charlotte, I love you."
"Me too," was the mumbled reply.
The final chapter. Will Charlotte be able to live her new life? Will she tell the foster family the truth?
A Different Plane of Existence
By Karen Page
The next morning Kirsty was worried what Charlotte would say about her late night declaration, but Charlotte thought that it had been a dream, so the two of them carried on as if nothing had happened. Charlotte was more worried about having woken the household.
"I'm sorry if I disturbed you all," she apologised over breakfast.
"It isn't a problem," reassured Mrs Wilson. "Losing your parents is always traumatic. If you ever feel like talking about it then it will never go further than this family."
"I know, but it isn't something I feel I can do. I know it helps to talk about things but I'm not ready yet. Perhaps in a few weeks, or months, I'll have the courage."
"Whenever you're ready," said Mrs Wilson patting Charlotte's hand.
"Where do you keep the clean sheets? I think I ruined mine last night."
"You should've said last night and I'd have got some out for you. I was awake and came to your room but Kirsty seemed to be helping you a lot better than I probably could."
"It's good having someone my age," agreed Charlotte, which made Kirsty smile.
"I'll change the sheets after breakfast," offered Mrs Wilson. "I'll also put a few spare bedclothes in the bottom set of drawers of the large chest, in your room. That way you won't have to worry about disturbing us. There's nothing worse that sleeping in sweat covered sheets."
"Thank you."
"Now to something a bit more exciting, do you have a passport?"
"Yes, why?"
"Well we are planning to go away at the end of July and needed to make sure you had everything you needed?"
"Are you sure you want to take me along?"
"Duh," interrupted Kirsty. "You live with us now and are part of the family."
"Of course you must come," insisted Mrs Wilson, frowning at Kirsty's language.
"You've driven to the south of France every year for the last ten years, so there shouldn't be any flying," thought Charlotte but she couldn't let on that knowledge so she asked, "Where are we going?"
"It is a surprise," replied Mr Wilson. It was something they said to all of the children in their care.
"Do I need to take big thick jumpers or light tops and shorts?"
"That's a point; I suppose you do need to know a little bit. It's quite warm where we are going, so mostly light tops and shorts. However, you might want to take a few light jumpers as well, just in case it gets cooler in the evenings."
"Sounds exciting, doesn't it?" Charlotte said to Kirsty.
After breakfast the two girls checked out their wardrobe. Kirsty had grown and didn't have enough clothes for the holidays. Charlotte, who had mostly school clothes, also needed new things.
When Mrs Wilson came in to put on the clean sheets she found that the bed had already been stripped and the window was wide open to clear any lingering smell in the room.
"Mum," started Kirsty. "We need to go shopping. I've grown, so I need a few more things. However, Charlotte has very little. What she mostly has are for late English spring weather and school uniforms."
"I've changed a lot over the last few months," explained Charlotte, "and I haven't had chance or desire to go shopping."
"Would you like me to get some things for you or would you like to choose your own and go shopping with Kirsty?"
"Now that's a difficult one," giggled Kirsty.
"Sorry to disappoint you, but could I go with Kirsty?"
"I thought as much," sighed Mrs Wilson theatrically. "I must remember to foster a younger child next time, who wants their foster mother to shop with them. Let me finish this up and I'll give you a lift into town. You can get the bus back."
"Where will we be going?" Charlotte asked, still unsure of the area. "Gloucester or Stroud?"
"Neither. Stroud is too small and there isn't a good bus back from Gloucester. Anyway, Gloucester might have nice historic sites, but Cheltenham is much better for shopping. There are more fashion shops in Cheltenham than anywhere else in England, apart from London."
"Now no looking at thousand pound dresses," ordered Mrs Wilson. "One, I won't be giving you that much money and two, they won't suit you. They're designed for more mature people."
An hour later and the girls were waving goodbye to Mrs Wilson. Charlotte was glad that she'd managed to do a bit of shopping with Kelly; otherwise she would have really stood out.
Charlotte needn't have worried as Kirsty took instant charge and they were soon trying on clothes and buying very few. "No offence, but you're slightly smaller than me on top," said Kirsty as they tried on some tops. "I wish you could fit this style of top but it doesn't look right."
"I know," agreed Charlotte, rather glad as she wasn't ready to have such a low cut top.
"Now your legs are something we can show off. How do you keep them so hair free?"
"I must be lucky," quickly replied Charlotte, not wanting to explain about the treatment she'd had to remove it, once they had finished with the face. Her leg, chest and back hair had been too hairy for a girl.
After a quick snack, the girls again were shopping but this time their purchases soon mounted up. They found a small sale on in a few stores so were able to get some items very reasonably.
"There is one thing about shopping," laughed Charlotte as they lugged the shopping towards the bus stop. "There's no way I'll have a nightmare tonight, I'll be too exhausted."
"Well if that's the case then we'll need to come shopping more often," giggled Kirsty. "You seemed quite reluctant at first but that soon disappeared."
"Was I?"
"A little. Oh look over there, Charlottes Patisseries. It looks like they have named a cake shop after you. We must nip in and get a cake for Mum and Dad, they love them from here."
"Yep," thought Charlotte. "That is indeed the girl I love, but she is even more fun to be with now. I never got the chance to go out with her where we were both shopping for the fun of it. If Simon had gone then we would have got the items we needed and maybe took in a film."
"You've gone quiet," commented Kirsty. "Are you okay?"
"A bit tired," confessed Charlotte. "I had a disturbed sleep last night and I'm also not used to shopping so hard."
"Well school will be finished in a few weeks time and you'll be able to relax."
"At this rate I'll need that holiday."
* * *
The time till the end of school passed rapidly and it was soon the middle of July. School finished and they were soon looking forward to their holiday. Charlotte continued to have the occasional nightmare, but they weren't ever very severe. Most of them never even disturbed Mr or Mrs Wilson but Kirsty always knew. Even if the sheets weren't soiled, Kirsty insisted that Charlotte join her in bed.
It was the night after school had finished, that Charlotte suffered a particularly bad nightmare. It was bad enough even to wake Mr Wilson who thought someone was attacking the girls. As Charlotte settled into bed next to Kirsty and started drifting off to sleep, she heard Kirsty utter the words, "Sleep well Charlotte. I love you."
Charlotte thought about answering but decided against it. Charlotte had realised that Kirsty only uttered those words when she thought that Charlotte was asleep and therefore wasn't ready to admit anything. "Poor Kirsty must be terribly confused about her sexuality. Should I tell her that I was Simon? Would that help? Probably not, it would just add too many complications. Perhaps after the holiday would be a good time."
The night before their holiday everything was packed and they were sent to bed at 7pm. "Why so early?" whined Kirsty.
"We have a very early getup," explained Mr Wilson. "So get to sleep and 2am will soon be here."
"Come on girls, time to get up."
"It's too early," they both moaned.
"Oh well, you won't want to go then," said Mrs Wilson. "I'll leave you some money and just the two of us will go."
"I'm coming," Charlotte and Kirsty both shouted together as they jumped out of bed.
"We shall have breakfast a bit later," explained Mrs Wilson. "It's far too early."
As the car drove off the two girls decided to get a little extra sleep, so closed their eyes. Neither of them was used to getting up at that time and even though they had been to bed early, they both drifted off.
The car slowing down woke them up and they both looked bleary eyed out of the window.
"What are we doing here?" screamed Charlotte, as she started to panic, suddenly fully awake.
"Do you know where we are?" asked Kirsty.
"This is Gatwick airport," replied Charlotte her eye's wide with fear.
"Ah, you've been here before? Excellent, I'm having trouble finding the car park, can you help?"
"Take the second exit at the next roundabout. Follow the dual carriageway and then come back on yourself. Take the first slip road off and you should see some signs," explained Charlotte as she remembered her parents had the same issue.
"We've been to the south of France for the last few years," explained Mrs Wilson. "We thought it would be a nice change to try something else, so we are going to Disney in Florida."
"Don't the flights to Florida go from the destroyed terminal?"
"That's all been repaired and is perfectly safe. That was a one off incident and you don't need to worry."
"I don't need to worry?" Charlotte's tortured mind screamed. "You haven't suffered being trapped under the rubble and listened as your mother say that she would go to sleep."
"Are you okay?" asked Kirsty as they got on the bus to take them from the car park to the terminal. "You seem nervous. Have you never flown before?"
"I'm not nervous, I'm terrified."
"Don't worry," said Kirsty. "I won't let anything happen to you."
"Oh why didn't I tell them? Why didn't I explain who I was and what had happened to their best friends? I wouldn't be here now if I'd had the courage."
They all queued together and were soon checked in. "I thought we would get here for the check-in desks opening so there wouldn't be much of a queue," explained Mr Wilson proudly for his great planning. "Shall we have breakfast?"
Kirsty and Mrs Wilson agreed and Charlotte just tagged along, not feeling at all hungry. Charlotte reluctantly followed through the x-ray machines in the security check area and was soon airside. Her breath was getting more shallow and stilted.
"What's wrong dear?" asked Mrs Wilson as they sat outside a duty-free shop. "You've been getting more nervous all the time?"
"I don't know if I can do it," said Charlotte her voice full of fear.
"Can't do what?"
"If I can go to the gate."
"Why ever not?"
"Because a plane might crash and it might cause the building to collapse."
"Yes, that happened once, but it is perfectly safe now.
"I JUST CAN'T DO IT!" screamed Charlotte causing other passengers to look.
"Is there anything I can do to help?" asked an official looking gentleman who had been passing. "I'm the airport manger."
"I'm sorry for the fuss but our daughter is a bit nervous about going to the gate."
Something about the voice made Charlotte wipe the tears from her eyes and look at the man. It was Roger Lyons.
"I'm sorry Mr Lyons," said Charlotte.
"Do I know you?"
"I don't think we ever met personally but I came into contact with you. Do the names Brian Fielding and Tom Millard ring any bells?"
"Yes they do," Roger replied, the situation starting to become clear. "Any other names?"
"Just two but not their surnames, Simon and Harry."
Mr and Mrs Wilson looked perplexed at this conversation and Kirsty was looking even more puzzled.
"Would you mind if I had a word with this young lady alone?" Roger asked Mr and Mrs Wilson. "See if I can help with the situation."
"By all means," replied Mr Wilson. "You seem to know each other already."
Roger moved away out of earshot and Charlotte followed under the watchful eye of the Wilson family.
"Simon?"
"I was, but due to that metal strut I'm now called Charlotte. You released a press release that Dr Ruiz faxed across for me."
"That certainly caused a bit of wakeup call to the politicians, didn't it?"
"Did you get into trouble?"
"Not really as it was concerning the incident. If anybody has raised a fuss it would have backfired on them as you had the press on your side."
"My new identity is covered by a court order so I've bent the rules by telling you."
"Don't worry; your secret is safe with me. Now your plane hasn't got to the gate yet, when it does there will be about twenty minutes before passengers start to board. If I get you put straight on the plane without going through the gate, would that be okay?"
"Oh thank you Mr Lyons, I'm sure it's only walking into that area that is worrying me. I'm sure I can cope with being on the plane."
Mr Lyons took out his phone and dialled a number, "This is Roger Lyons, the airport manager. I have a special passenger that due to medical reasons can't enter your flight via the gate. Would it be possible for her and the three she is travelling with to board from the apron?"
Mr Lyons listened for a few seconds and replied, "Excellent, thank you for your help. I will bring them along in thirty minutes."
"Is it all okay?" asked Charlotte.
"It's fine. Shall we go and explain the plan to your travelling companions?"
"I think so, by the way they are my foster parents, Mr and Mrs Wilson, and their daughter Kirsty."
"You look a lot better," said Mrs Wilson as Charlotte walked up to her.
"I'm sorry for the fuss I caused earlier. Mr Lyons has been kind enough to help."
"Oh?"
"In thirty minutes I'll take you to the airplane a slightly different way so that Charlotte doesn't have to go near the area she is terrified of."
"That’s very kind of you," said Mr Wilson. "I hope this won't cause any trouble."
"It is no trouble at all. It is our aim to make your journey through the airport as easy as possible. Charlotte has some very understandable fears due to her history and if driving you to the plane makes her feel better than I will have done my good turn for the day. Why don't we meet in twenty minutes by the information desk? In the meantime, here are some vouchers for you to go grab a cake and coffee while you wait. Hopefully some substance will help Charlotte get herself back together."
With that Mr Lyons left, leaving three very surprised passengers.
"I'm so sorry I've caused this mess," apologised Charlotte.
"It isn't a problem," reassured Mrs Wilson giving Charlotte a hug. "I'm sorry that I didn't take your worries so seriously."
"Are you going to be okay on the plane?" asked Kirsty.
"I think so," said Charlotte. She thought for a moment and with a sigh, reached the only conclusion she could think off. "I suppose that I should explain things to you."
"Only when you are ready," said Mr Wilson seeing the fear in her eyes. He didn't want her to get upset again. Whatever the issue was, it was very real to her. "In the meantime why don't we go and grab that free drink."
"And cake," reminded Kirsty.
At just before the allotted time, they went to the information desk and found Roger Lyons finishing chatting with another passenger. "Ah you are here in good time, excellent. If you follow me I'll have you on the plane in no time. The plane has just docked and you will probably be the first ones onboard."
Kirsty could see that Charlotte was starting to worry again. so she grabbed hold of her hand. "I'm here. Nothing bad will happen."
"I know," replied Charlotte. "Yet I feel I'm being marched out to my death."
They followed Roger through a security door and down a passageway. He unarmed a door and they entered into the warm summer morning. Waiting for them was a minibus in the airport livery. Once aboard the driver took them around the terminal and out to the waiting plane. The minibus stopped outside a door, just under the nose of the plane.
"Okay, we have two flights of stairs and we will be at the entrance to the finger, to walk into the plane. Shall we go?"
Charlotte had started to go from merely nervous to petrified, and looked around for any planes. Her legs didn't want to move and she just stayed glued to her chair.
"There aren't any planes due to come near this area till after your flight is gone," reassured Roger.
"Thanks," Charlotte smiled weakly, looking slightly relieved, though still not moving.
"It's going to be okay," reassured Mrs Wilson.
"Let me help you," offered Kirsty, taking Charlotte by the hand and helping her out of the minibus.
"If you get worried for the flight back, then ask for Grant Plumber. He's the airport manger there and he'll give you every assistance he can."
"Thank you," again said Charlotte her heart pounding as she climbed the stairs. This was the closest she'd been to the accident area. "I don't know what to say."
"Just have a nice holiday and send me a postcard."
"I will do," said Charlotte rushing into the plane as quickly as she could.
On the plane their passports and boarding tickets were checked and they took their seats, the stewardesses making a fuss of them. Charlotte had started to calm down again and Kirsty had released her iron grip.
As they waited for the passengers to start boarding, one of the stewardesses came to them and said, "If any of you have mobile phones, can you please switch them off now."
"They all are," reassured Mr Wilson.
"Good," she replied. "I was one of the passengers on the flight that crashed and my child got his leg broken. A child also was seriously injured and his parents died, buried under that rubble. I always make it my duty to make sure that people follow the rules. The plane now has automatic detection equipment for any mobile phones and yesterday two people were arrested for endangering the flight. This company takes the safety of everyone very seriously."
"How long is it before the passenger's board?" asked Charlotte.
"About fifteen minutes, why?"
"Because I want to tell you and my foster family a story but you must promise to keep it to yourselves?"
They all promised.
"On Saturday April 3rd, a young person was waiting with his parents to fly to America. It was the first time they'd flown and was very excited watching the planes land and takeoff. The plane destined for gate 69 developed a systems malfunction and the plane couldn't stop in time before it crashed into the terminal killing the pilot, a passenger and burying the family alive under the rubble. The child and mother were trapped close together and they shared their memories of growing up. The child was trapped, impaled by a metal strut. The mother was seriously injured and gradually got weaker and lost consciousness just as the rescuers got to them. She died at the hospital from her injuries. The father was found dead"
"That was you, wasn't it?" gently asked Mr Wilson, causing the others to look at Charlotte through eyes of horror.
"Yes," Charlotte replied quietly wondering if she would have the courage to continue with the tale. This had been very hard to do but it wasn't finished.
"No wonder you were frightened of going though the gate," said a shocked Mrs Wilson tears leaking from her eyes. Not only was Mrs Wilson upset but so were Kirsty and the stewardess. Even Mr Wilson looked like he might loose his composure.
"That is how I knew the airport manager. He was there during the whole rescue."
"You were the child that was trapped for all those hours? You were the one that all the crew prayed like mad for?" said the Stewardess in awe.
"You all prayed for me?"
"Yes we did. The thought that something like that was caused by that plane was very traumatic for all the people. I was a passenger that day but I heard what happened. For this flight I'm the chief stewardess and since first class is mostly empty, would you like a free upgrade?"
"Are you sure?"
"It will be my pleasure. Also give me the flight details for your return flight and if there is room, you will fly back in comfort as well. It's the least I can do for someone who has suffered so much and still is flying with us."
When they were all settled in first class the stewardesses disappeared to finish preparing the plane. Kirsty asked, "Why didn't you tell us all of this before?"
"I've not finished the story and then you might understand. This part never leaves the three of you, as quite a few rules were bent for me."
The three of them agreed and Charlotte took a deep breath trying to pluck up the needed strength to continue. She started to shake at the thought of what had happened and what she had been through. Only four months previously Charlotte had been a happy boy called Simon and now Simon's life was over and Charlotte was here to stay.
"You don't have to tell us," said Mrs Wilson with deep compassion.
"I need to. I've gone this far and I don't have much more to go."
"Then tell us," gently encouraged Kirsty, putting her hands over Charlotte's. "We're all here for you. Just tell us and you'll have it off your chest."
"Okay," said Charlotte, the tears of worry and tension, gently trickling down her cheeks. She took a deep breath and continued, "As I said earlier, I was trapped in the rubble by a metal strut. It was impaled through my male genitals. They were totally destroyed and the doctors advised that I was given a sex change as I would no longer be able to be a boy. Since my parents weren't available it went before a judge. My name used to be Simon Turner and my parents were Helen and Chris."
Charlotte bowed her head, letting the tears flow freely. "I've told them and now I'll have to live with it." She braced herself for the shouting. It never came but instead she got covered in hugs from all three of them.
"Why didn't you say before," the parents asked, sounding rather puzzled and perplexed.
"I knew it, I knew it," almost shouted Kirsty giving Charlotte a kiss and then reality start to kick in. "You've had two periods since I've known you and you can't fake symptoms like that."
"Yes, didn't you have a period last week? When I did the washing, I'm sure I put stain removed on your panties to remove the blood," puzzled Mrs Wilson.
"That's one of the things that I can't tell you about, just so you know that I do have periods and I could get pregnant."
"But that’s impossible!"
"Like I said, I can't tell you the details as a few people bent a lot of rules for me."
"But why?"
"So I could live as normal a life as possible. Look, I know you are probably confused, upset and angry. I'm sorry."
"We aren't angry," said Mrs Wilson giving Charlotte another hug. "We're pleased that we've found you and that you've found it possible to tell us. Kirsty and I suspected for a while you might be Simon but the period threw us. That's why we aren't too surprised. I also understand why you didn't tell us and we will never tell a soul. From now on you are Charlotte and you'll be treated as such."
"Thank you," whispered Charlotte, tears streaming down her face. "Thank you, Mum and Dad."
It took a few moments for it to sink in. When it did, they both broke into big smiles. "Are you sure?" asked Mr Wilson.
"Very sure, Dad," replied Charlotte.
The passengers started to board the plane and their conversation turned to what they planned to do on the holiday. Once the plane set off Charlotte settled down and began to get excited, just as she had been at Easter. Yes, she missed her parents but she knew she had to move forward. Her life wasn't buried under the rubble of a destroyed terminal building but something that she should enjoy everyday. She had been given a second chance to live life and she was going to take it.
"I bet I see Mickey Mouse before you," taunted Charlotte to Kirsty.
"Not a chance. Not only will I see Mickey before you but I'll also see Goofy first," playfully responded Kirsty. They looked deep into each other's eyes and their hearts started to glow.
Mr and Mrs Wilson looked at each other and smiled. Yes, it was good to be a family again. Mr Wilson leaned across and whispered to his wife, "When we get home, why don't we see if we can adopt Charlotte? That will then complete the promise we made to Helen and Chris."
"That's an excellent idea. I'll start making enquiries the first day we are back."
There wasn't any time to see any sights that day. By the time they had landed and got through immigration it was getting late in the afternoon and they were all tired. "Kirsty?" started Charlotte, as she finished cleaning her teeth ready for bed. "Will you still murmur certain phrases to me when you think I'm asleep?"
"No," Kirsty replied with a smile. "I will tell them to your face. Charlotte Turner, I love you so much."
"And I love you too."
by Karen Page
by Karen Page
Preface
This is written in British English. Therefore we have colour and not color and two spaces after a full stop (period). Since some concepts are different between different countries I have tried to explain things as we go along. Sometimes I'm unaware of differences so if there is a concept you don't understand or not very well explained then just add a comment and I will attempt to clarify.
Before we start the story the first concept that is different is the school structure so here is a basic overview. Hopefully this will help when I mention sixth formers you will know they are aged about 17-18 and be able to relate that to your own country.
Traditionally there were two different school structures in the UK. The structure your school has depends on the traditional in the area you live.
Structure 1:
Age 5-8: Primary school. (Years 1-4) Starting in the year you are 5.
Age 9-13: Middle school (Years 1-4)
Age 14-16: High school (Years 3-5)
Age 17-18: Sixth Form (described as lower sixth or upper sixth).
Structure 2:
Age 5-7: Infant school (Years 1-3)
Age 8-11: Junior school (Years 1-4)
Age 12-16: Secondary school (Years 1-5)
Age 17-18: Sixth Form (described as lower sixth or upper sixth).
In recent years the year naming standards have changed and you have:
Age 5: Reception
Age 6-18: Years 1-13
However the building structures still conform to one of the two above structures. All that has changed is what we call the years.
Chapter 1
"Charlie control, do you receive?"
"This is Charlie control. Go ahead Tom."
"We have a problem."
"Please state the problem Tom," replied the calm reassuring voice.
There was a deathly silence for a second.
"It's...it's Anna," spluttered Tom. "She's run out of face cream."
The rest of the drama class tittered at the quip and poor Anna had gone quite red. She wasn't a vain girl but she liked to look her best and it wasn't the first time that people had teased her about her supposed nightly rituals of face cream.
"OK class, calm down" pleaded Mr Abbots as he switched on the main lights. "The bell will be going soon, but before we end for the day I just want to remind you that next week we will be starting rehearsals for the pantomime. This year we will be performing Aladdin. One slight change from earlier years; instead of me picking who plays which parts I will be looking for volunteers and the winner of each part will be voted on by the whole class. If there are no volunteers for a part, such as the dame, I will pull a name out of the hat."
The whole class groaned just as the bell rang signalling the end of class and the end of another school day.
I walked up the hill away from school with Anna and Erika, who lived just up the road from me. I bet the planning department thought it was quite funny placing a school at the bottom of a steep hill — pupils get to classes quickly and when they are tired from a hard days work they just rub it in with the walk home. Home was in a new housing estate just less than half a mile away so it didn't take that long. As we walked down the passageway linking the old miners houses and the new estate I noticed Erika still has a puzzled expression that she had worn since drama.
"What's wrong Erika?" I asked. Erika had recently moved to England from America when her parents got transferred to head up the UK branch. We might speak nearly the same language but there were lots of traditions that she didn't understand.
"Well Bill, this might sound silly but what's different about a pantomime over a normal play and who or what is the Dame?"
"A pantomime is normally performed around Christmas time. It is normally a well-known children's story but performed in a humorous way. There's normally a lot of singing and very corny jokes. The Dame? Well this is the part of one of the leading ladies but is played by man dressed in drag with no attempt to disguise the voice etc. It is the last piece of humour in the play. In the case of Aladdin the dame is Widow Twanky and that is the part all boys in the class will be avoiding."
"I can't get over the differences between England and America," said Erika. "The concept of the pantomime is something totally different. Schools are also different in the way they operate. For instance you have lessons described as mathematics. You don't know until you are in the lesson if you are going to be doing geometry, calculus or what. In America we have separate lessons for different flavours of mathematics."
"Which is better?" I asked.
Erika shrugged her shoulders, "The American method seems to be more structured but I also like the mixture you get here. It teaches maths as a single entity which ties things together earlier. I don't really mind either way as I've got good results in both systems."
We trudged up to my house and a waved goodbye. As I walked down the drive I overheard Anna ask Erika what she would think of me as the Dame. I almost chocked but decided to ignore the comment. I knew nobody would volunteer and I worried that I might get the bad luck of the draw. Most classes I had at least twice a week but since drama was a minor study I had it for one hour on a Monday. I hated Mondays. I think the Boomtown Rats must have been right. Mondays only saving grace was the lesson before Drama — Music.
I had known Anna for about 9 years. We had gone to playschool together before starting primary school. Over the years we had done many things such as learning to ride our bicycles and as we got older exploring the area. One of our favourite places would have been out-of-bounds if either of our parents had known. If you walked along the old canal with its stagnant waters there was a small wood that was rarely visited by anyone. The trees were slightly green towards there base and at the far side was a small lake containing mostly rushes and algae, which I had fallen into when about 7. Over the years as we had grown up together we became closer and would classify her as my best friend and people have often thought of her has my girlfriend but we were nothing like that. Over the past year I have considered asking her out on an official date to the two-screen cinema in the neighbouring small town but have always been worried that it would ruin a good friendship. We often go out as a small group of me Erika and Anna with, now and again, other females.
Erika on the other hand had only been living in England for about 9 months and although Anna and I had quickly become friends with her there was not the same closeness. Maybe it was that she had grownup in America or maybe it was not having spent an entire lifetime with someone that causes this. Who knows?
One thing that we did all have in common was that our fathers worked for the same American company. There were two offices in England one here and the other in a city about 100 miles away called Milton Keynes. Erika's Dad, Donald Moore, had been brought to the UK to head up the outfit when the old UK manager had retired. Anna's father, George Scott, was in charge of the UK personnel department and my father, Andrew Toms, used to be head of UK logistics. He just got moved to head a new development project to redevelop most of the internal systems when his relationship between him and my mother failed. Apparently he persuaded Anna's father to move the job to Milton Keynes and I have not seen him since, though I speak to him often on the phone.
When I entered the house I took a deep breath and took in the aroma of today's offering. My mother worked from 10am to 3pm so she could be home to cook a nice meal. This was an arrangement she made with the company she works for when she went back to work. That way she can make sure she is home and we don't turn into latchkey children. This was OK when we were younger but I am now 13 and Beth is 15 so I felt rather hen pecked. However the one benefit was my mothers cooking. When she left school she went to cooking school and finished top of her class so I always looked forward to this time of day and tried to guess what today's special was.
After the meal I sighed contently. Several years ago Mum heard me complain to Beth that the meals were always the same and I preferred school meals as they were more varied. That was like a red rag to a bull and Mum swore that she would never cook the same dish more than once a year. This was upsetting as I loved lemon meringue pie and to only have it once a year was sacrilege. However it meant I grew up with a very wide knowledge of food and an even wider culinary appreciation.
"Bill, I think on Saturday we will continue with your cooking lessons. You have mastered most western major dish groups so I think it is about time you started on Indian dishes. I picked up the spices we need last week in Wolverhampton."
Saturday was my day of cooking. Some people at school teased me about my cooking skills but were quiet when they tasted the results. It was something I looked forward to but I still had to follow Mums rules of not cooking something we had eaten in the previous 365 days. Beth, who had already passed through Mums cooking school, cooked on Sundays, which was always a delight as she had picked up the skills well.
All three of us helped to clear the kitchen and wash up and then both Beth and I excused ourselves to do our homework.
At about 7pm Mum left to do her Avon round and Beth was just going out to visit her boyfriend Kevin so I was left alone. I missed Dad as he used to be home at this time. About a year ago my parents had a major disagreement and Mum asked Dad to leave. It was the strangest event ever as Mum and Dad were very much in love. I tried to find out the nature of the disagreement but Beth didn't know and Mum wouldn't tell me. Whenever Dads name was mentioned Mum would get very quiet and her eyes would glisten. I had come to the conclusion that Dad must have had an affair but that wouldn't have been like him. He always was there for Mum, so affectionate and loving.
Tuesday came and went and was pretty much nondescript but Wednesday was just awful. I hated Wednesdays and Thursdays with a passion as on those days I had Games / PE. I was physically quite a small person and had no interest in sports such as football and rugby. However sometimes we went on a cross-country run which I did enjoy and did very well at. As we were marched to the football pitch, our studded boots leaving a trail of tiny dots in the semi frozen ground, I knew today was going to be hell.
"Today there are sixteen of you so we will play eight-a-side football. Tom and Harry you will be captains. Starting with you Tom, pick a player and that person please join your team," barked the games teacher. "Harry's team will play stripes. If Harry picks you then please reverse your jersey." We stood there getting cold in our shorts and long sleeved sports jersey, a bitter wind biting into our exposed legs.
Gradually people were picked and as usual Simon and I were left.
"I'll have Simon," stated Tom "and you can have Bill".
The cold wind sliced into my body as I removed my jersey. My teeth chattered as I reversed the top. I now had a 6cm red stripe across my chest. I hate Games.
In the showers after it just got worse.
"Are you sure you are a boy?" said somebody. Another said "Aren't you in the wrong changing room?"
During the morning break I was walking towards the toilets past the sixth form common room. As I was going up the stairs to the first floor I heard somebody ask, "Was that a boy or a girl?"
I turned to give them a piece of my mind when Anna caught up with me. She apparently had heard the comment. "Don't worry about it Bill. We know that you are physically a boy so don't sweat about it."
"But why do people have to make such comments. Do I look like a girl?" I was holding back the tears. I didn't want to show weakness in front of Anna.
"Not really." Anna thought for a second pondering how to phrase an answer to such an awkward question. You have to tell the truth without making it sound cruel. "You are a bit on the small side with slightly wide hips and are very slim making your waist look smaller. However you don't have breast and your bottom isn't big. If people thought you looked like a girl you would have had a lot be stick than a few comments from the sixth formers."
Next was maths, which always cheered me up. Maths and Home Economics I could do. The teacher was covering topics I already knew so I didn't pay that much attention to Mrs Brown's ramblings. My mind turned to the conversation with Anne and the impact of the sixth formers question. Did I look feminine? Did I act like a girl? No I don't think so.
Mrs Brown asked me a question about the knowledge she had been imparting which interrupted my thoughts. Deciding not to worry about who or what I was I turned my attention back to the matter at hand — maths. I knew the answer and quickly gave it. Obviously she thought I wasn't concentration so I decided to expand my answer and stated in what conditions my answer wouldn't be relevant. This caused a great deal of confusion with the other pupils and meant I was left alone for the rest of the lesson. I was then board so spent time doodling on my scrap paper book.
That night after another culinary delight Mum asked Beth to check something on the car which was yet another part of Mums training. If I could do cooking then Beth could do car maintenance. My parents had decided quite early on in our lives that they didn't believe in gender differences when doing chores. After I'd finished Mums cooking lessons I would be learning car maintenance.
"So Bill, what's going on?" queried Mum as she carried the 3 desert bowls to the sink. Queen of Puddings had certainly gone down well and wouldn't be seen again for at least another year. Me and my big mouth.
"With what?"
"Well since yesterday you have been withdrawn. You appear to have had a lot on your mind. I believe that yesterday you were told about the pantomime; is it that?"
Over the years I had learnt to trust my mother. If you were truthful with her she would normally understand what was going on and give advice that helped.
"Yes. I am a bit nervous about if any parts have no volunteers that I might get picked. I would rather play in the pit than take any acting role." Even though I trusted my mother I didn't think it would be good to tell her about people thinking I was a girl. There are limits!
My mother took all this in and thought for a few seconds. "I take it is the Dame part that is of most concern?" as I nodded she continued "Why don't you then volunteer for one of the other parts and then even if you don't get picked for that part you might not get put in the hat for any remaining places"
***
Monday soon came and I stumbled down the stairs to get breakfast.
"Are you OK?" asked my concerned Mum. "You look like you didn't have much sleep."
"I'm fine," I mumbled as I plonked myself into the chair. "I was just thinking about the week ahead." Actually I had been thinking about last Fridays sixth formers comment and Anna's even earlier comment. Was I that feminine? If I had a slight feminine build did I act like a girl? I didn't think the answer to any of the questions was yes, but what did I know. It wasn't the sort of question that I could ask my Mum or over the phone with my Dad. Could I ask Beth? Maybe, but not yet as I was worried she might tell Mum.
I put on my coat and left just as Erika and Anna walked by.
"Ah, baby weather," I said to the girls and grinned at their confused faces. "You know wet and windy". They both grimaced as the wind drove the rain under their umbrellas and into their faces. The dark clouds scuttled across the sky which reminded me of films where people were marched to their death. I had a bad feeling that today was not going to be one I would want to remember.
The day progressed well and by lunch I was starting to think that maybe I had it wrong. The wind was still howling outside and the sound of the rain pelting against the windows tended to lessen the enthusiasm people had to snipe at each other. I decided to go into one of the soundproof music practice rooms. They were quite small at about 8 foot square but gave the peace I required to practice. After about 30 minutes of playing the oboe my mouth was beginning to ache and I noticed it was time for afternoon registration. Only just over an hour before drama.
Walking from registration to the first afternoon class, which was music, only took a minute as my registration took place in the music block. Each class also took attendance just to ensure that nobody missed a lesson they didn't like. If it wasn't for this I would never have gone to Games.
I listened as Mr Small rattled through a list of names and people smartly responded. I mentally tuned out and worried myself about the up coming lessons. It was coming up to my name
"Trevor?"
"Here" came the response from towards the back. Next is mine I absently thought as my mind was still elsewhere.
"Jill?"
"Here" I clearly responded.
There were several sniggers throughout the class and I quickly replayed in my mind what was said and went bright red and buried my head in my lap.
"Sorry Bill" said the equally embarrassed teacher and he progressed with the attendance speaking a bit clearer so no other incidents like that occurred. The lesson itself was enjoyable apart from now again I would spy other people in the class sneaking glances at me and muttering between themselves.
The bell shrilly rang out signalling the change of class and we all trouped across the corridor towards the hall where torture known as drama was dispensed.
"Are you okay?" queried Anna as we walked to along. She slipped her arm into mine to give me comfort.
"I think so," I whispered lowering my head. "It was just a slip of the tongue and by tomorrow most people will have forgotten."
"I think you were very brave" chimed in Erika who slipped her arm into mine on the other side. "Some people would have kicked up a fuss but you just carried on which was probably for the best. So have you put your name forward for any parts?"
"Most male parts." I nodded as we took our seats in the hall. "Apart from Widow Twanky. I don't think anybody will have volunteered for that."
"Boys and girls quieten down," instructed Mr Abbots. "Today we have the results of the parts for the pantomime. As you all know there are 7 main parts in total and that is what we will cast now. Additional bit parts will be sorted along with people to help with the sets. The GCSE and A Level art classes will obviously do the painting. Music will be by the schools orchestra. People who get a part who are in the orchestra will be excused from the orchestra."
"Okay we will start with Aladdin. We had 6 people volunteer for this part. I will list the people and then go through each name one by one and will go with a show of hands".
Mr Abbots did that and I didn't get the part. The process was repeated for Wishy Washy, The Emperor, Abanazar, The Fairy and The Princess.
"We now come to the part that nobody volunteered for, Widow Twanky. Since some of you men put your names down for more that 2 parts I have come to the conclusion that you were desperate to act. Therefore if any of the men put yourselves volunteered for 2 or more parts I have added your names back into the hat for Widow Twanky."
Mr Abbots passed a small cardboard box to Tom and asked "Can you please pull a folded piece of paper out of the box. I then want you to announce the winner and pass the paper back to me."
Tom took the box and put his hand in and withdrew a single piece of paper. "Bill Toms" he shouted with glee. He quickly folded the paper back and replaced it into the box.
"You were supposed to hand me the piece of paper so I could verify the name." complained the teacher. "Oh well never mind."
"Well done Jill" crowed one of the boys on my left. A titter of laughter broke out in the class.
"That isn't on" I spluttered. "How can you be sure that it was my name?"
"Are you calling me a liar?" Tom challenged back. His mussels rippled across his shirt as he stood up.
I gulped, shook my head, and retook my seat. Why did things like this always happen to me? The remaining 30 minutes appeared to be 30 hours. Scripts were handed out and minor parts assigned. My thoughts however were else where like how ridiculous I was going to look and what damage it would do to my already flaky reputation. I couldn't act and my desire not to be Widow Twanky had caused this to occur. What is going to be worse, my crap acting or how stupid I will look in a dress? I know that the dame is supposed to look silly, as it is all part of pantomime, but that isn't my style; I like to look the part.
"Just before the bell goes I would like to remind everyone to look over their scripts before the Wednesday lunchtime rehearsal. Also remember the primary seven actors have to be measured for their costumes tomorrow lunch in the sewing room."
The bell went and we all filed out all trying to get away from school and do something for the evening. Some people looked quite cheerful as they had the parts they wanted but there were also many others that had been roped into parts or positions that were unsuitable. Look at my situation; I would have been much happier playing the oboe in the pit but no I end up playing the dame. What a life.
"I need to get something from my locker," I lied to Anna and Erika. "I'll see you tomorrow". I knew they would walk slowly up the hill, hoping I'd catch them up to make sure I was okay with what had occurred in music and in drama. However this was the last thing that I wanted to talk about. I needed to get home and actually think about what had happened and decide my true feelings.
Instead of leaving by the usual route of out of the back door and up the side street I left by the front and walked smartly down the main road and past where the old primary school used to be. Yes I know things change but if a school has stood for over a hundred years I'm sure that it would have sufficed for another hundred.
Even the smell of the food didn't cheer me up as I walked into the door. I was about five minutes earlier than usual which must have puzzled Mum as she poked her head round the door to see who it was.
"Take your things upstairs and come and help me in the kitchen" she said kindly. Obviously she had seen the look of anguish on my face and to be asked to help with the food instead of relaxing she must have thought it quite important. Two minutes later I trouped into the kitchen ready for her firm but kind cross-examination.
"So what part did you get?" obviously she thought getting to what she thought was the root of the problem.
"Widow Twanky." I muttered as I took my frustration out by finely chopping a cabbage. I explained what had happened and the plan as it had been outlined less than an hour before. The doorbell rudely interrupted our cosy chat and I was quite relieved when she went to answer. I moved closer to the kitchen door and steered myself behind it to listen. The odour of fresh paint from last week still lingered when too close to it.
"Hi you two," exclaimed Mum as she opened the door. I peeked through the gap between the kitchen door and the frame and spied Anna and Erika.
"Is Bill home?" Anna asked; concern evident in her voice. "He had quite a rough afternoon and I haven't seen him since drama."
"Bill got home about ten minutes ago and he's a little upset but will be okay. I think it might be best if he doesn't discuss this with you till tomorrow. He is still in shock and distressed about it."
Anna looked a bit unsure and looked like she was going to argue the point but Erika replied "I think you are right Mrs Toms, we will see him tomorrow. Just let him know we called and are thinking of him".
Erika then steered Anna, who still looked upset, up the driveway. Mum quietly shut the front door and as she came into the kitchen I darted back to the kitchen table and continued with the preparation. She glanced over the lack of progress and I noticed the corner of her lips moved slightly up, paused and fell back down.
"Okay so I don't have to explain that," she stated. "Let's finish off."
I didn't know if she meant the earlier conversation or the food so I actively continued to chop hoping that the pantomime would not mentioned. I heard the front door open and Beth bounded in.
"Is it true that you have been picked to play Widow Twanky?" puffed Beth as Mum glared at her.
"Yes" I quietly replied lowering my head. "Can I start my homework now?" I asked turning to my Mum.
She nodded and I turned a scampered to my bedroom took out my books and started. Working like this took my mind of the problems that I had. 30 minutes later I heard Mums shout and went for my meal. The meal was unusually quiet and it was becoming obvious that Mum was deep in thought. Beth who was normally chirpy didn't speak much and I think Mum must have explained how upset I was.
Just before bed I was still thinking about today's events and came to the conclusion that I wasn't going to sleep very well and needed some answers to the multitude of questions floating in my head. Mum called out good night as she went into her room and I thought that it would be best to talk to Beth about it, as I didn't understand Mums reaction. I also remembered an event that had occurred when I was about 5 years old.
While being out I had noticed a lady with an extended tummy. My Mum later had told me that she was carrying a baby and taught me the word pregnant. When Mum was tucking me in bed I asked her where babies came from. This, I found out, was a bad move. When asked a question Mum always tried to give a full but age dependant response. She went on to impart information for about an hour when I just wanted to go to sleep.
I quietly snuck across that hall and quietly knocked on Beth's door. I hoped that Mum wouldn't hear.
"Beth...Are you decent?"
"Yes...come in". I walked in and she asked, "What is it?"
Beth's room was always a delight to visit. She took pride in her belongings and had her room arranged so everything was neat but accessible. Her bed faced east so on sunny mornings she would have the delight of the sun steaming through the window. Against the far wall next to her wardrobe was a small compact dressing table with assorted cosmetics arranged neatly.
I turned to my sister saying, "I was just pondering about what occurred today and wanted to know why you and Mum were so quiet earlier?"
So not to disturb Mum Beth responded in a lower tone. "I've never seen Mum as upset before. Well actually she was like this just before Dad left. From some of the thinks she said I think she has a problem with you getting the part of the Dame. It is like she hates the thought of you dressing as a girl. She is aware that you don't have the easiest time at school and I think she worries that this might make it worse."
I thought about what Beth had said and responded with "What about you? You were quiet through the meal."
Beth looked at me with uncertainty in her eyes. She swallowed hard. "I am probably aware more than Mum what teasing you get at school. I have heard some of the comments myself and am aware that it's a lot worse than either of us knows. Some of my quietness was due to my worries."
I stared straight into her eyes and retorted "There is more to it than that. I need to know."
Her face looked contorted with worry. There was obviously something more but she held out. We stared at each other for a while and I was pondering exactly what was going on.
"No secrets. Remember?" I urged her. She continued to look panicked for a moment and then made up her mind.
"Okay then but this is not going to be easy for me to tell you or you to accept. Mum will be upset with me for telling you some of this so please keep this to ourselves."
I nodded my consent and she continued, "I was trying to imagine you as Widow Twanky and it was a bit ridiculous. I then tried to think of you as my sister instead of my brother." Beth hung her head at this point "and I found it quite easy. I thought about how we could do things together that we can't do now and how enjoyable it might be. I also heard what happened in music, it didn't take long for that to spread."
She looked up at me with concern and I leaned across and gave her a hug. "Don't be upset sis. As brother and sister we are close but I am sure that we would be closer if we were sisters. There is nothing wrong with your thoughts. Mum and Dad have brought us up without much gender difference so we could be closer. We both do cooking, sewing, knitting, decorating, woodwork, cleaning and you have been learning about car maintenance which I will be doing next. However I am surprised that you found it easy to think of me as your sister. I know I get teased a lot at school but I'm not that feminine."
My sister sadly shook her head, "Bill don't get upset about this and please don't mention this to Mum as she would be angry with me for telling you. You have a few attributes which make you...slightly less masculine than you might want."
"WHAT?" I exclaimed a bit loudly.
"Shush or you will have Mum finding out what's going on." Responded Beth urgently. I uttered my apologies and she continued. "Besides being a bit on the short side you have one other major attribute which is very feminine, your hips."
"They're not that bad" I interrupted Beth. "They're only a bit wider. Clothes still fit."
"Have you ever been clothes shopping?" responded Beth.
"You know that Mum always buys my clothes." I did not like where this was going.
"Depending on the trouser fit Mum does one of two things. If the clothes are quite androgynous she will buy from the girls section and remove the label or sew in a boy's label. If there are no clothes that will work she purchases a larger item from the boy's section and then has to alter the waist to fit."
I looked at her with a little shock. I knew my hips were wide, as Anna had confirmed this the other day, so the rest wasn't too much. Beth looked at me with concern. She was frightened that she had told me too much. "It's okay." I said as I took her hands in mine. "I've always known I'm not going to be a strapping rugby player and it does make sense what Mum has been doing with the clothes. Do you help with the alterations?"
Beth nodded looking relieved that I hadn't freaked out. My mind wondered a bit to tomorrow's activities and then I remembered...I started to shake with fear. My eyes started to moisten and it wasn't long before they were trickling down my cheeks. Beth scooped me into her arms, gently rocking me and stroked by hair.
"I'm here," she uttered trying to comfort me. "Tell me what's wrong".
It took a few minutes before I was able to utter a word. "Tomorrow I've got a costume measurement with Mrs Harries."
Mrs Harries was in charge of sewing lessons and would make up the costumes. The tears started to come down quicker. "And you are frightened about her son Tom finding out? Isn't he in your class?"
I nodded yes to both of those. "If Tom finds out I am finished. You know that he's friends with the other boys that tease me. I am frightened that it might go beyond teasing."
Beth continued to rock me for about five minutes as she tried to think of a solution. "I have a plan for the measurements and the costume, so don't worry." The tears gradually stopped, as did the shacking. I looked up and must have had a querying face as she continued, "Just turn up as expected but don't panic. I'm not going to tell you the plan so you will give the correct reactions."
"Okay" I responded. I trusted my sister. I wiped my tears, gave my sister a quick peck on her cheek, a hug and returned to my room.
More [A Strange Attraction to Concrete Cows]
by Karen Page
proof read by Angel O'Hare
Chapter 2
At breakfast the next day Beth didn’t mention anything about my nocturnal visit and Mum didn’t say anything about knowing about it. Nothing more was mentioned about the pantomime. Conversation however was quite heated about items that were on last night’s news. Dad always talked about current topics to keep us abreast in the world. Mum just continued when Dad had left.
I left the house just as Anna and Erika came down the road and we walked together to school. I thanked them for calling round last night and apologized for not being up to visitors.
During the first break I was sat on a bench talking with Anna and Erika when Beth came up.
“Hi. Bill, I’ve sorted out what we talked about last night. However some assistance might be needed. Could Anna or Erika accompany you?”
Both of the younger girls looked confused at Beth’s cryptic message but they both responded that they would both accompany me. With her mission completed Beth skipped off back to her friends. I had known Anna for years and wouldn’t mind discussing my hips as she had already mentioned them but I was unsure about Erika.
After we had lunch the three of us went to the sewing area. It was a largish room to the right of the home economics department. When we got there Beth was waiting and Mrs Harries fussing over two other people in the pantomime.
Mrs Harries and Beth came up to us.
“Hi Beth,” I said looking surprised. “What are you doing here?”
“Bill, as you are aware Beth, like yourself, took the Food and Nutrition version of Home Economics early with highest marks. As you have also been taught sewing and clothes making at home she has volunteered to be the first student at this school to try the Textiles version and has to make an outfit for her GCSE course work. She has asked if she can make your costume, which I have agreed to. This will be a great help, as I will have six other costumes to alter. I will leave her to measure you while I continue with Harry and Tania.”
Mrs Harries walked to the other end of the room and Beth took charge. “Anna, will you jot down the measurements while Erika helps me measure?” They both nodded. “Bill, take off your shoes and stand over here.”
I took off my shoes and placed them on the table by Anna and moved over to Beth. She got out a tape measure and with Erika’s help started with my height, arm length, inside and outside leg measurement, chest, waist and hip size. Beth stated each figure and Anna wrote it down. I saw her eyebrows rise when she heard some of the measurements and I knew that she and Erika now knew my secret.
“Thanks for doing this sis. I know that it’s a big undertaking.”
“Are you going to be okay?” she responded
“Yes thanks. You know my feeling on this. I don’t mind doing it as long as I don’t look ridiculous. If I have to play the part of a woman I want to be the most realistic looking one possible.”
“No problem.” She replied with a smile and turned to Anna and Erika. “We are taking a gamble with letting you in on this but you are Bills friends and I know that you will keep quiet, even to your parents.”
Both Anna and Erika nodded. I thanked Beth with a hug and we left.
Erika went to the toilet leaving me alone with Anna while we waited for the bell signalling the start of afternoon lessons.
“What do you think of me now?” I asked Anna.
“I think you are very brave. You are aware that Tom probably set you up but you are making the most out of it. The shape thing has been quite a shock for Erika. I’ve known you for years and this was worse than I thought so I’ve no idea what Erika thinks. We need to discuss this after school. Can you come to my house at about seven?”
I nodded as Erika came out of the toilets her face looking ashen. She had the air of somebody that had just regurgitated her lunch. Knowing that Anna would need to help sort out Erika I made my excuses and went to the music practice rooms.
When we filed into afternoon registration Erika looked a lot better. “Sorry,” she whispered into my ear. “I will explain at seven.”
I walked home with Erika, as Anna had to see her English teacher about her homework. The quality was good, too good and she wanted to set some extra work to tune her skills. We avoided discussing what had happened at lunch and instead had a good laugh at what had transpired in French. Poor Tom had got some of his French mixed up with German and had got the teacher, who was Italian most confused.
Later during the evening meal, as we were finishing off a Lancashire Hotpot, Mum asked me, “So what is the schedule for the pantomime?”
I caught the twinkle in Beth’s eyes. It was obvious that she had not discussed her plan with Mum. “It has already started. Today we were measured for the costumes and we start to read through the script tomorrow.”
Mum looked worried. She felt guilty for taking her eye off the ball. “Measured?” she squeaked. “Already?” I nodded. “Who measured you and who is doing the dress?”
I felt sorry for her and let her out of her misery. “As Beth has already completed the food Home Economics course she has decided to take the textiles version. She has volunteered to do my costume as her GCSE coursework. She did the measurements at lunch. Mrs Harries wasn’t involved at all.”
She looked relieved and she glared at the smirking Beth. It suddenly dawned on her that Beth would not have been able to do all the measurements on her own. “If Mrs Harries wasn’t involved then who assisted? Who wrote the details down?”
“Anna and Erika,” I responded. “They had already noticed my...unusual shape.” I crossed my fingers under the table while saying that part, as it was only half true. “I’m their friend and they won’t say anything, even to their parents. I can’t hide forever and people do see me when I shower after PE.”
“True,” she said resigning herself to the fact. “Some people can be very cruel and I just didn’t want you to get hurt.”
“That is why you should be thanking Beth for what she volunteered for today. Do you know that Mrs Harries son is in my class and what the reaction would be if he found out? It is thanks to the way you alter my clothes so it isn’t as noticeable that other people haven’t said anything.”
As Mum started to put out the pudding, which today was baked apples the core filled with sugared currants, she suddenly realized the implication of my previous statement and nearly dropped the dish.
“YOU knew about your hips and also knew I was altering your trousers?” she spluttered.
Oh dear time to stretch the truth again. Beth had been a big help and I didn’t want to get her into trouble. “Of course I knew about my hips, I shower with other boys and could see they were different. I also have seen women during the summer when they wear a lot less and could see I was developing in a similar manner. The clothes? Well you did teach me about sewing and altering clothes. I could tell that you altered some of them. The non altered trousers I presume are girl’s trousers; Anna has some that are very similar.”
Mum quickly finished dishing out the desert and sat down with a bump. “I’m sorry,” she said between bites. “I should have trusted your judgment and not tried to hide everything from you.”
“I think you should keep Bill in the loop as he won’t know that he can turn to you or me if he doesn’t know that we also know,” added Beth fanning her mouth, as the apple was still too hot.
“I’m sure that you have a few questions regarding your condition,” stated Mum. “When we’ve finished lets cleanup and all go into the lounge and discuss it and then you will need to go to Anna’s so you won’t be late.”
When we entered the lounge I sat down on the three-seat settee. Beth joined me and Mum sat opposite on one of the two individual settees so she could watch my reaction and stop if it got too much. Mum pored herself a small brandy and took a large sip. I then knew how difficult it was for her to discuss the details.
“As you know you have been to the doctors once every three months over the last two years; at eleven you were too young to understand the problem so we didn’t mention it. You were about eight and you started puberty, which is very early. Boys normally start puberty at between ten and fourteen while girls start at about two years earlier. At first your puberty was on track such as developing underarm hair and facial hair. However you also started getting wider at the hips. Your father was the first to notice this when you asked him to put an extra notch on your belt. You were starting to need larger trousers to get over your hips so you needed a narrower waist.”
“You are aware of the different number of tests that you have had and they ruled out most syndromes. Six months ago we got the tests back which pointed to a rare genetic / hormonal issue. What you won’t have learnt yet in biology is that the male body produces both estrogens and testosterone. The male body just produces much more of the testosterone that negates any affect the estrogens might have on the body. There is however a rare condition which causes the body to ignore the testosterone and the boy might start to develop breasts, wider hips and other secondary female characteristics. However your condition is somewhat stranger. In your body it is just one area that ignores the testosterone.”
“You mean that I will have a male body which still produces sperm but with wide hips? I won’t get breasts or anything like that?”
“As I said this is quite very unusual and the doctors are unsure what is going to happen. The testosterone receptors in other parts of your body are weak and it wouldn’t take much to disrupt them. In that case you might start to develop other secondary female characteristics. However the receptors in your groin region are strong, so no mater what you will always produce sperm.”
The thought of me actually getting breasts was just too much for me and I broke down. If I was getting stick at school now for just wide hips imagine what it would be like if for all outward appearances I was a girl. “School?” I eventually managed to get out between sobs.
“If the worst happened then we could move to a different area and therefore a different school where they wouldn’t know you as anything different. However the doctors are carefully monitoring you and we would have several months notice of failed receptors before anything visible occurred.”
I eventually started to calm down and noticed the time was quarter to seven. I was supposed to be at Anna’s in fifteen minutes. I really didn’t feel like going as I wasn’t ready to discuss this. I went to the phone and dialled her number.
“Hi Mrs Scott, this is Bill. Can I speak with Anna?”
There was a pause will Anna came to the phone. “Anna, I can’t make it tonight. Can we do it tomorrow instead?”
My voice was still shaky as her response was “Are you okay? You sound like crap.”
At that point I broke down again and Beth kindly continued the phone call for me. “Mum has just been explaining the complete medical situation behind what you found out at lunch. It’s been quite a shock for both of us and Bill couldn’t take reliving it again today.”
There was a pause for a second “Tell Bill that we are thinking of him. We will not mention it to him and he can tell us when he is ready. Can you just answer one thing though...it isn’t fatal?”
“Bill isn’t going to die and his condition is currently stable. He can live with that; however what he is concerned about is if it doesn’t stay stable. That is something that Bill will talk to you about when he is ready.”
They said good-bye and Beth hung up the phone. I went back to the lounge and I curled up leaning on Beth while listening to some reflecting classical music. I must have drifted of as I awoke the next day in my bed with my Mum confirming if I was able to go to school.
On the way to school the conversation was stilted. They appeared to be avoiding raising anything that might be misconstrued as prying into last night. Towards the bottom of Hill Street I’d had enough.
“Just stop pussy footing around. Yes I’m still a bit fragile from yesterday but you two are my friends and I’m going to need your support. Now isn’t the time to discuss this as there are too many people around and there isn’t enough time. As long as my Mum doesn’t drop another bombshell I will be there tonight”
The day went as well as any other Wednesday. Football was another lesson in humiliation. Why doesn’t the teacher pick the sides instead of having two captains picking them?
At lunch the read through went well as all the other actors wanted to be there. Nobody made fun of me being the Dame, which helped the nerves. We were told that for the rest of the week there would be daily lunchtime rehearsal. The following week we would start to practice on the stage.
During the afternoon we had Art. As usual during any actual drawing Mrs Lewis had the room in virtual silence. The only noise would be an occasional whisper. Today we were drawing a bowl of fruit. All was going well till Anna made a slight mistake when trying to get the shadow of the pineapple correct.
“Erika,” she whispered, “do you have a rubber?”
“WHAT!” exclaimed Erika who looked rather shocked. The whole class looked up wondering what was going on.
“Is everything okay?” asked Mrs Lewis approaching our table. As she approached Anna dived into Erika’s pencil case removing an object.
“Yes miss,” answered Erika. “Sorry miss.”
“See me after class,” she said moving away to deal with a slight disturbance at another table.
“Sorry”, whispered Erika to Anna. “We call that an eraser. A rubber is something completely different.”
”What?” whispered back Anna who was intrigued, actually so was I.
Erika leaned right over to Anna and told her why she’d freaked. Anna just started to giggle and was also told to see the teacher at the end of class.
At seven I strolled up the street to Anna’s house. As I walked I quickly ran through my mind how I was going to tell them and worried how they would take it. Mrs Scott answered the door after I rang their doorbell and was ushered into the lounge. Erika and Anna sat there looking shocked and looked like they both had been crying.
“Are you okay?” I queried. “I’ve not even told you my news yet!”
Anna rushed up and gave me a very tight hug. “Oh Bill it’s awful. We’ve just had some awful news”. Erika came up and hovered so I turned and crushed her as well.
“We want you to tell us your news first,” stated Erika. “Then we will tell you what upset us.”
I nodded and Anna dragged the both of us to her room as I pondered what could have happened which had upset them both. Also Mrs Scott didn’t look like her cheerful self. Just as we settled down Mrs Scott came bustling in with a tray of snacks, cakes and drinks. She also put out three boxes of tissues.
“This should help,” she said with a weak smile. “Just to ensure privacy we are going down to Erika’s parents. Give us a ring when you are finished.”
I grabbed a handful of crisps and started by putting the onus on them. “So from what you found out when Beth took my measurements you tell me what you think is wrong. If we start with Erika because Anna has known me for longer and don’t hold back because no matter what you say isn’t going to cause offence.”
Well I think that surprised them as they both looked at each other for support. Erika swallowed some of her orange juice and after a moment started. “Well when Beth took the measurements I was very surprised as I had never noticed your shape. Are you a girl who wants to be a boy?”
I almost spluttered my crisps over Anna who was sitting opposite. Anna just giggled and handed me a paper napkin. Erika started to apologize and I waved her down.
“I’ve known Bill for nearly ten years,” stated Anna. “Therefore I don’t think that Erika’s theory holds water unless this has been going on that long. Bill’s hips are very feminine but he has no other signs such as breasts. You’ve also never got on with many other boys and have always preferred to hangout with girls. He is also an excellent cook so here is my theory. Bill is a boy who wants to be a girl and has started taking female hormones.”
Luckily I had emptied my mouth of crisps otherwise my choking fit would have covered both of them. After a moment and a complete glass of water I was able to continue.
”Well let us start with Erika’s theory. I am male and I am fully equipped. I can prove it but I dread the punishments that our parents would dream up for us all if I did. As for Anna’s theory I don’t want to be female and never have. I am certainly not taking female hormones.
“If only one of your theories were correct it would be much easier. However what I am going to tell you stays with the two of you. My life is going to be difficult enough without worse hassle than I currently get. I’m probably going to get upset telling you the details but it is something that I need to tell you so please let me get it out. Also some of the details are very medically technical but there is no other way.”
Erika moved the empty food tray and put it outside the door. Anna grabbed the boxes of tissues and sat to my right. When Erika returned she emulated Anna’s position on my left. I could feel the warmth of their closeness and it gave me the courage to relate what I had been told twenty-six hours earlier.
I told them about how my hips were the only things affected and how my parents had kept it secret. As we finished tears were trickling down my cheeks like a leaky tap. Anna had her arm around me and Erika had her right hand on my leg. They both looked shocked at my news.
Erika was the first to recover. “So that is why Beth took your sizes. Nobody else must suspect. I feel honoured that you both trusted me enough to tell me. You haven’t known me for as long as Anna so it mustn’t have been easy.”
Anna, always the clever one, looked at me and said, “That’s the past and present. What does the future hold for you?”
I bent my head and gazed at my feet. Somebody turned on the taps behind my eyes again as I said, “I have two possible futures. If something is found to strengthen the receptors then I might stay fully male. The receptors by my scrotum are strong so I will always be a fertile male however the likelihood is that something will cause the other weak receptors to fail and I will get a more feminine figure including breasts. Then I will have to live as a woman.”
I then fully broke down into a fitting sob. I spat out, “I don’t want to live as a woman. I fancy girls not boys.”
Erika and Anna both grabbed me and held me as I chocked on my seeping mucus. Anna scooped me into her arms and rocked me till I calmed down. We separated and Anna rushed out of the door mumbling something about needing the toilet. On her return we talked about incidentals till I realized that earlier they were both upset about something. I glanced at the clock and it was about 9:30.
“You both had some depressing news for me and I have to be home by ten.”
“I’ll tell you,” injected Erika. “I don’t think Anna could cope with explaining this after what you’ve just told us.”
Anna had repositioned herself next to me and we both held on to each other. She appeared to need as much comfort as I had earlier.
“Our fathers both explained this evening that all the manufacturing is moving here but personnel and the main management are moving to Milton Keynes. We have to sell our house and move in the first week of January.”
Anna burst into tears and after a moment pulled away from me and ran out of her room again. I stared at the door she had slammed in shock. In all the years I had known her I had never seen anything so emotional. I blinked several time and continued to stare for a few more seconds. Turning to Erika I asked “What?”
Erika shot to the bathroom to find out what was happening and in a moment returned pulling Anna along.
“I’m sorry” she forced out. “You need me and in a few months I will be gone.”
I heard the big grandfather clock that was in the lounge chime ten. I knew this was important and decided to break my curfew. Anna needed me. Erika was now on Anna’s left and me on her right. We both hugged her till she calmed down. When she saw that it was 10:15 she kicked Erika and me out of the house.
When I got home I quietly opened the front door. The house was silent. I locked the door and tiptoed towards the stairs. My mother came out of the kitchen and saw my tear stained cheeks and knew it had been a bad night.
“Go on up,” she gently said. “I will let the lateness go this time.”
After I slid into bed I found I had too much on my mind and couldn’t sleep. I heard my Mum come up the stairs and go into her room. The house was silent. I tossed for another ten minutes and then the impact of Anna leaving crept up to me and I had a vision of Anna leaving behind a removal van.
“NOOOO,” I yelled. The floodgates again opened and I openly wept into my pillow. Beth rushed in, scooped me into her arms and tried to comfort me. My Mum arrived at the door having donned a dressing gown. They both thought it was a reaction to my medical problems but I managed to get out “Erika and Anna are moving to Milton Keynes”.
“Mum you go to bed,” firmly insisted Beth.
Mum obviously got some hidden message as she kissed me good night. “Don’t stay up too late” she warned Beth as she returned to her room.
“Come into my room so we don’t disturb Mum,” ordered Beth. We decamped and soon we were sitting on her bedroom floor with her bed supporting our backs.
After a several reflective minutes she whispered, “You still fancy her don’t you?”
I nodded as the tears started again. “I’ve loved her for years but never had the courage to say so.” I then related what had been said and Anna’s reaction.
“What has stopped you from telling her? Most people have assumed you were seeing each other already. You are always with her.”
I sadly shook my head. “With all the changes that I’m probably going to be experiencing Anna’s support and understanding would be invaluable but she is going. I’ve known her for nearly ten years and we have done everything together. She understands me and knows what makes me tick. Why did I never ask her out? If my feelings weren’t reciprocated then I might have lost a valuable friendship.”
My sister looked a bit hurt and I hurried on, “I know you know me well and you always support me but you are my sister and that bit older. You have your own friends and it wouldn’t be right for me to go out with them.”
My sister nodded her understanding. She comforted me for a few more minutes with her words and I left for my own bed. Sleep still didn’t come easy but eventually I drifted off into a troubled sleep.
The next day Mum was concerned if I should go to school. “You don’t look like you have had much sleep. You have black rings under your eyes and look like you haven’t slept well for the last few nights.”
“I’m fine Mum. School keeps my mind on other issues. Last night was about the news of Erika and Anna moving. First Dad and now my best friends are leaving for Milton Keynes. Do you think there’s some strange attraction to the concrete cows?”
Beth stifled a giggle at my cheeky response and Mum just told me to be home on time.
I saw Erika and Anna coming down the road and I slipped out to join them. Erika looked fine but Anna looked just as bad as me. The breeze blew against us all the way to school and that drained what little energy we had.
At lunch I went to the pantomime walkthrough and we managed to complete the whole play. “Friday lunchtime off,” I thought to myself. Unfortunately Mr Abbots had other ideas, “Well done with the read through. We will meet tomorrow in the hall and we shall start acting the lines. Apparently all the costumes are going well so we will soon start limited dress rehearsals so we can get your characters down better.”
During the afternoon I was starting to get weary. Lack of sleep was quickly catching up with me. During religious education my eyes started to droop. I was suddenly jerked awake as an elastic band struck me firmly on my left cheek. I looked to my left just in time to see another one stream across and hit a tired Anna on her cheek. Mandy, a shy girl, appeared to be responsible. She gave a small wink to let me know it wasn’t malicious and carried on as if nothing had happened. After that I managed to stay awake till the end of the school day.
The walk home up Hill Street was torture. My legs just wanted to go to sleep. My brain had already turned off and a headache was slowly growing. If I walked any slower Erika would have had to give me a shove or gravity would have sent me backwards. It was with some relief that I saw my home in the distance and somehow I managed to open the front door.
Mum had just come down the stairs and saw my condition. “Why don’t you have a small rest before dinner?” she said as she steered me in the correct direction.
I stumbled up the stairs and upon entering my room took off my shoes. I lay on top of the bed and entered the dream world.
I awoke refreshed with the sound of my alarm. I was surprised to find myself fully clothed covered with a blanket. Yesterdays events came back to me as I stripped for a shower. I’d missed dinner and slept for about fifteen hours. My goodness I must have been tired but that was now replaced by a panging hunger. When I came out of the shower I smelt bacon. A cooked breakfast on a school day was unheard of. Mum must have anticipated my hunger. What a Mum.
Anna looked a bit better but apparently she was still having disturbed sleep. She wasn’t looking forward to leaving the area she had grownup in. The one bit of good news was that Erika and Anna’s parents had decided to go house hunting together so it looked like they would move to the same area and hence attend the same school.
The rehearsal at lunch was awful. I knew the majority of my words. The part isn’t very word intensive. I just make appearances when something silly is needed to be said and get a good laugh from the audience in a stupid costume. However every few minutes I was getting pulled up.
“Bill you can’t move like that. I know Widow Twanky is supposed to be a man in a dress but not that wooden. You need to move with more grace than you do. You have made no effort to change your voice.”
The bell rang just before another avalanche of criticism came my way. I quickly left and headed towards afternoon registration. As we stood inline waiting to be let in Anna whispered, “Are you okay? You look really down.”
“I’ll tell you both on the way home.” I replied as we were ushered into the room.
I pondered on the situation during the last two lessons and by the time of the leaving bell had the basis of an action plan. During the walk home we crossed onto the left hand path, which was empty, so we could have privacy. I explained what had happened in the rehearsal.
“To sum up I act too much like a man. If I don’t get more feminine movement and attitude into the part I am going to me more of a laughing stock than Widow Twanky normally is. It’s bad enough that I will be wearing a dress but I couldn’t stand the humiliation of jeering.”
“I take it you have a plan?” asked Anna.
“This is the difficult bit. I need both of your help. Are you doing anything on Saturday?”
“Our parents are going to Milton Keynes house hunting. We aren’t going as they think that we might find it boring. We thought about going into Wolverhampton and were planning to ask you along. Helping you sounds like it should be more interesting.”
I looked around to make sure that nobody could overhear me. “If I do something I like to do it properly. I need your help to understand how to act like a girl.”
The girls looked a bit shocked “But I didn’t think you wanted to be a girl?” retorted Erika as she gave a glance to see Anna’s reaction.
“I don’t.” I responded with my head down. “I just hate being jeered at more.” My voice started to break under the emotional strain I was under.
We were walking by a bench, just before the passageway to the new estate, when Erika grabbed me and we all sat down.
“There’s more to the request than just the play, isn’t there?” Erika gently asked.
I sat there; my body slightly bent forward, eyes facing the ground. My silence spoke volumes. I started to shake slightly with worry.
“It’s okay,” said Anna putting and arm round me. “We want to help but we need to know how far to take this.” She paused for a moment while a calmed down a bit. “Is this the medical issue?”
I slowly nodded. “I’m frightened. The probability is that in the future I am going to have to live as a woman. I was planning on asking your advice if that ever happened. However you are leaving so I need to learn now. My education therefore needs to be more comprehensive than the small amount needed for the pantomime.”
Erika grabbed my hand a gently squeezed it. “Anna had already thought you might ask for our help. That girl knows you too well. Come to her house at nine thirty tomorrow and we shall start.”
“Thanks.” I said getting up. We walked the final quarter of a mile silently. There was a peace between us. I was just glad they understood the help I needed and why. They were just pleased that I trusted them enough to ask for help.
More [A Strange Attraction to Concrete Cows]
by Karen Page
Edited by Angel O'Hare
Chapter 3
The next morning I took my daily shaving further than usual. After removing my facial and neck hair I climbed into the shower and carefully shaved my arms, underarms, chest and legs. The worst was clearing the underarms as I couldn't get the angle correct to clear all the hair. I had some hair on my back but couldn't remove that without help. As I was keeping this secret from my sister as well as my mother requesting help was not an option.
After clearing all the hairs out of the shower I wrapped the towel round my waist and made a dash for my room. I didn't make it. Beth on hearing me exit the bathroom was on her way and we crashed into each other. Beth being an observant girl took one look at me and dragged me to her room.
"What is going on?" she demanded.
"Sorry?"
She lifted my left arm and let out a gentle sigh. "So why did you decide to shave all over? Where are you going today?"
"I'm going to Anna's" I responded hoping to evade the first part of her question.
"And the shaving?"
I decided that my sister wasn't going to let me go till I gave a pretty good explanation. "I looked a fool yesterday in rehearsal. I didn't know how to act in a female role. I'm going to Anna's where she and Erika are going to help. When you measured me I mentioned that if I had to act as a woman I wanted to be the best one possible. Well this is just part of that."
Beth looked at me for a moment with a look of disbelief. "Well next time, little brother, wear a dressing gown just on the off-chance Mum is around."
"You're not going to tell her?"
"Not at the moment as it would freak her out. Just think about what you are doing. I know that it isn't just the pantomime. Do you want to be a girl?"
"NO!" I responded very forcefully. "Do you think I would have had the reaction to the prospect of Anna leaving if I did?"
I turned to leave but Beth again took me by hand and led me back to the bathroom. "Let me do your back then you will be complete."
"Thanks." I responded, still shocked that my sister would help in such a way. She covered my back in shaving cream and expertly removed the hair.
"If you need help in the future just ask. Also be careful and think what you are doing."
I nodded and left Beth alone in the bathroom. I was now late so scrambled into some clothes and was about to walk out of the front door when Mum suddenly burst through from the kitchen.
"I'm glad I caught you", she said. "I hear that Anna and Erika's parents are going to Milton Keynes house hunting?"
I acknowledged this with a quick nod.
"I presume you have lunch planned but they must both come to dinner. Beth has already agreed to swap with you and cook today; you can cook tomorrow."
"I'll tell them." I said glancing at my watch. "Damn, I'm late!"
My Mum gave me a disapproving look about my language which I returned with a quick apology. I gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and departed. I walked quickly up the road and turned into her driveway just after nine thirty. Anna's parents car had gone so I strode up to the door and was admitted by a waiting Erika. I followed her into the kitchen where Anna was just pulling out a batch of Shrewsbury Biscuits. Five minutes later when they had slightly cooled we sat around the solid pine kitchen table munching the biscuits and discussing the upcoming activities.
"We will divide the activities into three areas," pronounced Anna. "Walking, talking and other skills. Now before we start a word of warning. You sometimes get accused of being a girl, like what happened the other week with the sixth former. When you pick up some of these skills it will happen more often."
"I knew that before I asked but I like to err on the side of caution." I shifted uncomfortably in my chair and stared out of the window at the large oak tree in the distance as I said, "I just hope that one day I will be able find a girl that will accept me for who I am and not how I look."
We all paused for a moment. It upset me to bare my sole like that. The girls didn't know what to say but both leaned across and we all had a gentle hug accompanied by several sniffles.
"For the pantomime you will need to move like a girl and put on a more feminine voice but still have a masculine overtone. We will also work on your full feminine voice," explained Anna. "We will start with walking. First we will try a pair of one inch heels and then later attempt to make you move gracefully. You take a size five shoe don't you?"
"Yes. How did you know?"
"You put your shoes next to me when you were measured. I noticed as we are the same size."
"I still can't get over the fact that the shoe sizes are the same for men and women. In America we have different measurements," pointed out Erika.
We moved out of the kitchen and went up to Anna's room. Even though nobody was expected we didn't want any surprises. I sat on her dressing tables stool, and removed my shoes.
Anna went into her wardrobe and removed a pair of shoes with a one inch heal. "Try these ones as a starter," she said offering me the shoes. I gingerly took them and put them on the floor placing my feet within. There width was a bit snug but the length was perfect.
"Here goes nothing," I quipped as I tried standing. "It's a good thing that these shoes have a relatively chunky heal" I continued as I wobbled trying to gain a new balance.
Erika, standing next to me, said "Well cool! Now try to move towards the door. Don't worry I'm here to catch you if you fall."
Warily I took my first steps. My legs wobbled like a newly born foal as I tried to move forward. After about ten steps I was at the door, which Anna had just opened saying, "Shall we practice along the landing? It's straighter and with no furniture there's less likelihood of you tripping over something."
After four lengths of walking up and down the landing I began to feel a lot more confidant. "I think I'm ready to experiment with a higher version." I moved back to the stool, sat down and removed the one inch heels. Erika and Anna had a quick conference regarding the next heels and a new pair was produced.
"These are two inch heels," stated Anna as she passed them to me. I looked them over and noticed that the heal was also much narrower. I again placed my feet within their tight confines and rose from the stool.
"Go out onto the landing again," said Erika as she hovered at my side. I waddled slowly towards the door. My movements were again disjointed as I readjusted to the new centre of gravity.
After several lengths of the landing I was again starting to gain in confidence. "Well done," cheered Anna. "You can now walk in shoes with a two inch heal. We aren't going to go any higher today because you need to refine your walk. The two inch heal is making you walk differently but the general style is still masculine. You need to learn to glide."
"Glide?"
"Yes glide. There is an old trick to teaching how to glide. You will need to be able to walk while balancing a book on your head."
So for the next two hours I walked and walked and walked. At first the book fell off every few seconds but this gradually diminished as not only did I begin to understand what was required it started to become the norm.
"Well done," exclaimed Anna looking at her shiny silver watch. "It's nearly one so let's have lunch."
Erika took my right arm as we gently manoeuvred down the stairs. My balance nearly gave way towards the end as my tired feet began to complain but I made it to the bottom. Erika released my arm and I glided into the kitchen taking the closest seat at the table.
As Erika had assisted me down the stairs Anna had put together a quick cottage cheese salad. I figured the girls would do a comprehensive job on me but this was a step further than I had expected. However, on reflection, this might help me get into the correct frame of mind so I bit my tongue, gave a weak smile of thanks and tucked in.
Erika looked surprised at me and queried, "Where did you learn to eat like that?"
"Sorry" I said looking ashamed and put down the cutlery.
"Don't be sorry, I'm just surprised. I thought we would have to teach you to eat in a graceful, feminine manner, but you already do."
"Oh," I replied not knowing how to take this. "I'm just eating as I've always done. This is the way I was taught when I was young and never thought anything of it."
"Erika," interjected Anna. "I should have told you earlier but I didn't think. I've always known that Bill eats with refinement; its one of the things I like about him."
For the next few minutes I heard nothing of the conversation. She liked something about me. This was the first glimpse that she had noticed me. She had seen and taken note of how I ate.
Anna asking me, "Are you okay Bill?" interrupted my thoughts. "You have gone very red. Are you too hot or feeling ill?"
"I...I...I'm fine," I stuttered. Erika gave me a small smile as if she knew my thoughts but didn't do anything to help. "Perhaps some water will help." I got up and helped myself. I got myself under control and finished off my salad without further incident.
As we finished washing the pots I remembered my mothers invite. "Mum had heard that your parents were looking for new houses so you both are invited to dinner."
"What time do you have to go back? Isn't today your day to cook?" asked Anna.
"Beth has swapped for today," I replied.
"Erika, you have never eaten at the Tom's, have you?" queried Anna. Erika shook her head. "Well Mrs Toms came top of her class in one of England's finest cooking schools and has taught both Beth and Bill how to cook. There are never any shortcuts or packet sauces, everything is cooked from scratch, and the quality is excellent."
"Wow, sounds great!" exclaimed Erika. Even though she'd just eaten her eyes lit up at the thought.
We moved back to Anna's bedroom where I was going to learn about dressing and acting in ladies garments. Anna went to her wardrobe and pulled out a blouse and a long skirt and hung them on the hook on the back of her bedroom door. Anna pulled open one of her drawers and extracted a salmon pink pair of panties and placed them on the bed with a pair of tights.
"I'll be back in a moment," said Anna as she left the room and momentarily returned with a white lacy bra. "Your chest is slightly larger than ours so we are borrowing one of my Mums. We will leave you to get changed; give us a shout when you're ready."
The two girls left leaving me on my own in a very feminine room. A room that I had long had fantasies about but it didn't include what I was going to do. I disrobed and neatly placed my discarded clothes on the bed. Nervous about being caught naked I reached for the panties and stepped into them. For the first time in three years I was wearing underwear that, apart from an obvious bulge, fitted my contours.
"Ooohh," quietly escaped my lips. A small tingling overcame me as I gently rolled the tights up my short legs. This wasn't a feeling I was expecting. The tights were, there was no other word for it, erotic. I'd never shaved my legs before the feeling of the tights encasing them was something else.
What next...mmmm...well it is either the skirt or the bra. I decided to complete the underwear first so picked up the bra. I put my arms through the straps and checked to see I was putting the contraption together correctly. I had noticed a small bow at the front in the middle between the two cups. The bow was no longer visible so I turned over the bottom and it was there. I had almost put it on inside out. I corrected the orientation and tried to work out how to fasten it.
The fasteners were at the back so I puzzled how to fasten it. I thought about putting it on with the fastener at the front and then twist it round. However I was worried that I might stretch the straps putting the arms in. I also contemplated asking for help but I wanted to learn myself. I pulled the fasteners to the front, positioned my fingers by the clasps and twisting it to the back, managed to fasten it.
"Give us a shout if you need help with the bra," called Erika from elsewhere in the house.
"I've managed," I replied hoping my relief didn't reflect in my voice.
I took the skirt and stepped into it and slipped the top over my head. I looked down and was not happy with the shape of the top. The top was designed for young teenagers with small breasts. I looked at the bed and noticed my socks and they looked ideal to fill out the bra cups. After filling them I brushed my hair into a style like Beth's. Once complete I looked into the full-length mirror and gasped. That couldn't be me. I'm a boy not a girl. I've not even added makeup and I look like a slightly younger version of my sister but with a slightly bigger nose. It only took a few bits of clothes and a brush of the hair? Gosh I am in trouble. I stood staring into the mirror transfixed on the girl reflecting back at me.
I was brought out of the trance by a gentle hand being placed on my shoulder causing me to jump.
"Come and sit down," whispered Erika as she steered me across to the bed.
As I sat down I smoothed the skirt as I'd often seen my mother and sister do. "Where's Anna?"
"She was shocked when she saw how passable you looked and is in the lounge getting herself together. I think she has the same feelings for you that your have for her but she is not ready to admit it to herself. I also think that she feels responsible because you have always been her best friend and she never encouraged you to do anything positively masculine."
"That is total crap," I snapped getting up and out of the door. "Can you give us five minutes? And no I'm not going to declare my feelings for her, I don't think me, you or Anna would be able to handle the fallout from that."
I glided to the stairs and didn't make a bad attempt of descending them. As I entered the lounge I saw Anna with her head buried in a cushion quietly sobbing. As I sat next to her I placed my arm around her, pulled her in and hugged her.
As her sobs diminished I asked, "Tell me what's wrong. It's still me. I only look different. I'm still the person you have known the last ten years."
"You are not the same. You are changing. Your hips have already changed but the rest will follow. You have managed to dress and present yourself in a feminine manner and you don't appear to care. There was no fight from you to wear a bra, panties or skirt; it is like you enjoyed doing it. Those panties were the girliest pair that I own and you didn't even complain."
"No, it isn't something I enjoy but it is something that is probably inevitable. I have learnt that you fight the fights worth fighting. No matter how much I fight this it isn't going to change the fact that I have a defective body that isn't going to develop as I want. I could get all depressed and moody about it but what is the point; it isn't going to change anything and will just upset myself and everyone around me. I'm just making the best out of a bad situation."
"Well you are certainly good looking enough that the boys will be interested so at least you won't have to worry about that."
As Anna uttered those words my face winced in pain. Boys; no they could never fancy me. A picture of being grabbed and kissed by a man filled my imagination. This was too much for me and my stomach gave a warning lurch filling my throat with bile. I grabbed the nearby wastebasket and brought back my lunch. Regurgitated lettuce leaves have the foulest taste in the world; so bitter.
"I'm NOT GAY!" I uttered forcefully with distaste in my voice, carefully emphasizing the last two words. "I fancy girls and not boys!"
A small weak smile broke into her gloom. "Go and grab a lemon juice from the kitchen, it will take away some of the foul taste. I'll clean the bin."
We both came back to the lounge at the same time and just as Erika came down the stairs.
"Bill's done well in what he's been taught. He's mastered low heels well and when dressed looks better than me," teased Erika. "You okay now Anna?"
"Yes. I understand that he needs our guidance before our parents move us to Milton Keynes. I was worried it was something I'd done that made it so easy for him but thinking about it he has been living without another male role model for a year so it isn't surprising.
"Do you think you could handle learning how to talk like a girl?"
"In the words of Magnus Magnusson, I've started so I'll finish," quoted Bill. "Let's do it."
"Magnus who?" asked Erika.
"Magnusson. He was host of a famous UK quiz called mastermind. I'll explain later. Now Bill, stop trying to confuse Erika and let's got on with it."
She produced a book and got me to read from it. As I read they both got me to change things like volume and intonation. This went on for about an hour and at the end my throat was sore. I was glad of the drinks that we all had.
"Shouldn't we be going down to Bill's?" asked Erika.
We all trouped to the door when Anna suddenly shouted, "STOP!" and continued more quietly, "I think that Bill better change or your Mum might have a bit of a shock."
I couldn't believe that I had become so comfortable in a skirt that I had totally forgotten what I was wearing. I took off the shoes and scampered upstairs and changed into my original clothes, carefully hanging up the skirt and top. As I removed that bra I noticed the red lines where it had dug into my skin. When I removed the panties I put on my ill fitting underwear. I wish I could find male underwear that fitted better.
"Thank you for your help today," I said as we walked down the road. "I am much more confident about the pantomime and much less apprehensive about what my future holds. Sorry about you missing on going shopping in Wolverhampton."
"We're glad to help," said Anna. "We are just upset that we will not be here when you need us the most. Don't be sorry about Wolverhampton as we can all go next week. We've all got lots of Christmas shopping to do!"
Beth's cooking was, as usual, outstanding. Anna had sampled all our cooking but this was Erika's first meal at our house and she gushed, "I've not had a chilli like this since Texas. My Mom used to make it like this but we can't get some of the ingredients. When we've eaten chilli else where it always tasted different."
"Ingredients can always be found, you just have to know where," replied Mum. "Also chilli is cooked differently in the UK than in Texas. I presume your parents are going to be away for many weekends sorting out the move so I propose that you and Anna eat here if they are away."
"I knew you were from Texas," said Beth to Erika. "So I decided to cook a traditional Texas chilli as a welcome for you first meal with us."
"Ah thanks Beth, this was awesome"
I looked over at Anna and we both smiled at each other. You can take the girl out of America but there was no taking America out of the girl.
The meal continued in a relaxed manner and we had a fabulous game of Monopoly and although Erika was used to different names on the squares managed to trounce us all. At just past nine we got word that both parents were back and our visitors left.
As we had all been to the door to say goodbye and Mum had gone straight into the kitchen asking, "Beth, can you please lock up."
I had noticed that Beth had been itching to find out my days activities so I decided to give her a small demonstration. As she turned having finished locking the door I changed my walk into a feminine glide with a slight swing of my growing hips. Beth obviously noticed as I heard her sharp intake of breath. I corrected my gait as I entered the kitchen to grab a glass of milk. As Mum was getting herself a coffee Beth couldn't say anything.
***
The next day, after we got back from our weekly visit to St Mark's church, it was time for my cooking lesson to start. Mum didn't feel that cooking was just following instructions and throwing ingredients together. First was a geography lesson of what the area was like, the people, culture, climate etc. When I understood the area it was time to understand the food; what was grown, where and when.
"You've done well and know the area and what is grown," complimented Mum. "Next week we will go through the spices, understanding the flavour, where they are used and if they mix with other spices. If you learn that quickly we might be able to start to cook your first Indian dish."
Later in the afternoon Mum went to the pub with Erika and Anna's mothers to catch up with there impending move. Beth was visiting friends so I was alone and decided to read through my lines again. I went to the lounge and put on Rachmaninov's second piano concerto and sprawled out on the settee. As I read my mind started to wander onto yesterdays events; what would it mean for the pantomime and my probable future?
I got up and practiced the part as if I was a woman. Something wasn't right but I didn't know what. I tried two more times and each time the same feeling. I pondered the situation for a moment and went to get the camcorder. I set it up in the corner and recorded my act. When I played it back I saw the problem. I was going through the motions of a woman but the perception that was being portrayed didn't match the movements. I was still acting as a man but with female actions. The mindset was wrong. I thought like a man which is perfect for the part of a Dame but would not make me very passable on the street.
I again reflected back on my training with Anna and Erika and found that everything was superficial. Mum knew how to teach so how would she have done it? Looking back to this morning she doesn't let you cook unless you understand the basics and why you are doing it. Yesterday I was taught the how but not the why. Could it be taught? Probably not, it is a mindset. It's something girls learn due to interaction with other girls and what they read in the magazines.
"Yes!" I exclaimed out loud as I pulled out Beth's copy of CosmoGirl from the magazine rack. I didn't want my sister, and especially not my mother, catching me doing this so I took it up to my room. I soon became engrossed and before I realised Mum was calling us both for dinner.
"Oh no," I thought to myself. "How am I going to get the magazine back without being found out?"
I contemplated the problem as I walked into the dining room. Mum was dishing up in the kitchen and it was just Beth who gave me a strange look and said, "Bill stop it."
"What?" I replied coming out of my thought induced trance.
"You're gliding again. I know yesterday was just to let me know what was happening but that time you were unconsciously doing it."
"Thanks," I said with a slight quiver in my voice. "I won't let it happen again. I hate to think of the impact if this happened in school."
"You'd be dead inside the hour," she agreed. "Did you borrow something of mine from the lounge?"
Caught. "Yes...Sorry about that. I was so engrossed I didn't hear you or Mum come back and I was worrying how I could replace it without being seen."
"I tell you what. While Mum is sorting out later I'll collect it from your room so she won't know."
"Thanks," I replied as I felt a big weight being lifted from my mind.
Mum had decided to make Aloo Gobi as a taster of my Indian cooking lessons. I sure missed the meat. As Mum had cooked she went to relax in the lounge while Beth and I cleared the table and washed everything up.
"What times your rehearsal tomorrow?" Beth asked as she dried a plate.
"About twenty past twelve. Why?"
"I've your costume ready and wanted to hand it to Mr Abbots."
"Shouldn't I try it on to make sure?"
"I wanted it to be a surprise but you are probably right. After we have finished here lets go upstairs and see how it goes."
The washing up was soon finished and we called to Mum that we were going upstairs to prepare for school tomorrow. We both went into Beth's room and she got out a dress that was covered hiding the design from prying eyes.
"Strip to your underwear. Now you won't have to shave your body as you already did it yesterday!"
I stripped. I wasn't embarrassed as I'd often gone swimming with my sister so was used to her seeing me with not wearing much.
"You're going to have to wear a bra as the dress requires quite a bit of padding."
I took the bra and noticed it was a DD cup. "Why so large?"
"Well the part requires that you look a bit ridiculous. You need to look like a ‘man in a dress'. I've toned down most other things so you don't look to bad."
A shrugged and took the bra. With a quick flourish I fastened it like yesterday. Obviously my practice had paid off. I turned to see my sister look at me with piecing eyes.
"What's next?" I asked trying to divert her attention.
"Tights," she numbly replied as if on autopilot. "No wait. What else did you learn yesterday?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well you put that bra on far too easily for a man. You have done this before. So you either like dressing in girls clothes, which I don't think you do after your reactions the last few days, or it is something you have been practicing since yesterday."
"Like I told you yesterday; I went to Anna's to practice for the pantomime."
"And like I told YOU yesterday I think this is more than just the pantomime. I'm not going to press this but when you want to talk about it come and see me. I'm not going to hit the roof."
She handed me the tights, which again I put on with more ease than would be expected. Beth noticed and just shook her head. She removed the dress from the cover and exposed it. It was a sky blue dress with little white sheets hung on a washing line across the front.
I couldn't believe the brashness of the dress. However I stepped into it and Beth pulled up the zip. The dress was slightly padded making me look a little rounder.
"Now for the finishing parts," said Beth as she pulled out more bags.
From the first bag she produced a pair of shoes with two inch heels. Then from the second bag out came a brash red bouffant styled wig. I picked up the wig and looked at the throwback to the 1950's in stunned silence. Beth took it from me and placed it carefully on the bed.
"The wig is for later but for now sit on my dressing stool," requested Beth as she steered my body in the required direction. My mind was still not engaging. I was positioned on the stool but facing away from the mirror.
"Hold still and this shouldn't take long," ordered Beth as she produced pots and brushes. She then started on my face waving the brushes like a conductor directing an orchestra. This went on for about thirty minutes when she gave a satisfied grin.
"Let's add the wig and see if this works. I've never done makeup in this style so..."
Beth took the wig and positioned it on my head. She then brushed it till it looked correct and stood back to take in the whole picture. Obviously satisfied she opened her wardrobe door to reveal a full-length mirror.
"Take a look," she said taking me by the arm.
I moved to the mirror and stared at the reflection. The makeup was thickly applied in a fashion from about forty years ago and matched perfectly the style of the wig. All in all I looked like I was fifty.
"I look like a slightly thinner Les Dawson when he was dolled up as the old gossiping woman."
"Do you think you will be okay with this for the pantomime?" queried Beth.
I thought for a moment of the voice training and adjusted my speech to that required for the pantomime. "I think so", I replied in male voice but with distinct female overtones.
Beth stared for a second and then burst into laughter. "The voice just sets it off. I think you will do very well." Then in a conspiratorial voice said, "Let's show Mum!"
I sniggered as I nodded, slipped into the shoes and sashayed towards the stairs.
"Bill, you had better not walk like that in front of Mum or she might hit the roof."
I gingerly walked down the stairs. I was okay on flat surfaces but stairs were still tricky. I paused outside the lounge door, all my confidence sapped from me. I looked at my sister who looked supportive, took a deep breath and entered.
Mum was sat on one of the single seat settees reading the Sunday paper. She had a Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata playing in the background. The lights were dimmed low and a reading light was providing the illumination for her reading.
"What do you think Mum?" asked Beth as I walked in a rather clumsy way into the room.
Mum lowered the paper and peered over the top. Seeing something that required her undivided attention she carefully folded the paper and placed it on the chair arm. Beth, who was standing by the dimmer switch, turned up the brightness so Mum could have a good look at me dressed as Widow Twanky.
She walked around me examining the needlework. "Very good work Beth," she said. "The dress is perfect for the part of the Dame, but what sets it off is the padding, makeup and wig. This should certainly be marked well in the coursework. When will Mrs Harries see it?"
"The dress rehearsal is a week tomorrow so it will be marked then."
Mum went back to her chair and spoke to me for the first time. "Bill, you'd better change before the dress gets dirty."
I left the room feeling very dejected. Mum had treated me like a glorified dressmaker's dummy. She had looked at the dress and the outfit. There had been no verbal comment, good or bad, about how I looked or presented myself. However the look of aversion on her face when she examined me and not the outfit stuck like a stake into my heart.
By the time I made it upstairs my eyes were beginning to glisten with moisture. I managed to remove the dress, hung it up on placed the protective cover over it. I removed the other items such as the bra, tights etc and donned my original clothes. I grabbed her pack of facial wipes and went back to my room to be alone.
I wept as I removed the makeup. I trusted my mother and took pleasure when she was pleased with me. However her rejection at this time hurt. It wasn't my fault that I had the part of Widow Twanky and had to wear a dress. Why was Mum so un-understanding about it?
I cried for another few minutes and eventually managed to pull myself together. I went to Beth's room to return her wipes hoping that she wouldn't have returned. Unfortunately I heard her moving around so I knocked and asked, "Are you decent?" After getting a yes I entered. "I'm just returning your facial wipes."
Beth took them and placed them back on her dressing table. She took one look at my tear-stained face and patted her bed indicating that I should sit and talk about it.
"I thought that you did very well," started Beth. "You moved and talked well and should make a good Dame."
"Thanks," I replied tears again staring to trickle down my face. This was the type of comment I'd been hoping Mum would have made. The fact that the praise came from my sister and not my mother was even more hurtful. It just reminded me how let down I felt.
Beth hugged me till I regained control of my emotions. I asked her, "Why is Mum so upset about seeing me in a dress? She knows it isn't a voluntary thing."
"I'm not sure. Mum normally is very understanding and open minded. This is so unlike her. Maybe it reminds her of your medical problem and she hopes that it doesn't progress. Seeing you in a dress is like her seeing her worst case scenario."
"Well it is something she had better get used to. If what she said about my medical condition is correct then it is highly probable that some of my other receptors are going to fail. I recon before I'm eighteen I will be living as a woman. Not through want or desire but because I have a crap body. I'm the one who is going to have to live with the situation; not her."
"No Bill, we do everything together," reassured Beth as she gave me a gentle hug. "We're a family and we stick together. If you need to live as a woman we will all support you and make sure that nobody hurts you."
I went back to my room and got ready for bed. As I snuggled down I thought about today's events and tried to come to some conclusion about the way Mum had treated me. I thought I'd done pretty well but I knew I'd get a better indication during tomorrow's rehearsal.
More [A Strange Attraction to Concrete Cows]
by Karen Page
Edited by Angel O'Hare
Chapter 4
Monday lunch soon came and another rehearsal. This time however I was better prepared and it obviously showed in my performance. I used what I had learnt on Saturday but didn't give it the full monty.
"Well done Bill," said Mr Abbots. "This was a much better performance."
"Thanks."
"It looks like your sister enjoyed it as well."
I turned to see her get up come towards me as Mr Abbots turned and walked to talk to one of the other cast.
"I was just here to hand your costume to Mr Abbots but you had already started so I stayed to watch," explained Beth. She then whispered, "You obviously had a good crash course of girl 101 on Saturday. Have you been practicing since?"
"Yes, a little on Saturday night and also a bit yesterday."
"Well don't overdo it," warned Beth as the bell rang signalling the end of lunch. Beth scampered to her registration, which was at the other end of the school. As mine was only round the corner I sauntered and was still one of the first to arrive.
Later after the afternoon lessons were finished I walked home, as usual, with Anna and Erika. "How did the rehearsal go?" asked Erika as we puffed up the hill.
"A lot better. This is all down to your help on Saturday. I'll probably not be so much of a laughing stock when we perform. Well, no more ridicule than a Dame normally gets.
"How did your parent's house hunting go?"
"Well our parents managed to find a house virtually next to each other in the Old Farm Park area. This is next to the Browns Wood area where your Dad lives."
"What are the houses like?"
"Well they are four bedrooms with a huge glass stairwell. Other people have huge plants growing in it. I suppose with the huge glass panes it will act like a greenhouse. Dad was saying that one house even has a palm tree growing in theirs."
"What happens next?"
"Well as it is such a short time we aren't going to be able to sell our house and move in time so the company is buying our houses so we can move between Christmas and New Year. Our parents are going down to Milton Keynes next Saturday to choose curtains. They are also going to go Christmas shopping as Milton Keynes shopping centre is much bigger than the one in Wolverhampton."
"So it is definitely happening?" I asked with sadness in my voice.
"I'm afraid so," replied Anna her voice breaking. Tears were evident in her eyes. I glanced over towards Erika and she also looked upset. As I was standing between them I put my arms around them both and brought them together in a group hug.
"It will all be okay," I said trying to reassure them. "I just know we will all get together again."
As we all managed to compose ourselves I waved goodbye and walked down the driveway to my house while the other two girls carried on up the road.
***
The week went on and towards the end the classes were starting to wind down in preparation for the Christmas holidays. Next week would be the last week of practices before the show on the Friday and Saturday evenings.
On the Friday as we where about to part ways I suddenly remembered, "What time are we meeting to go Christmas shopping tomorrow?"
Erika and Anna shared a quick look. Anna replied "Can you be at our house for half eight?"
"Half eight?!"
"Yes, there are a few things we need to do before we catch the bus."
"I'll be there," I said with a little reticence.
That night I went to bed early and set the alarm for half six. Why so early? What had Anna and Erika concocted for tomorrow? I loved Anna and would do almost anything for her. I also knew that neither of the girls would do anything to hurt me so I had little trouble sleeping.
I was awoken to a strange beeping noise. Oh yes, the alarm. I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and headed to the shower. I noticed that some of the hair on my arms and legs were growing back so I tackled them. I again did under the arms and found it slightly easier than last week. I re-donned my pyjamas; not wanting Mum discovering me like Beth did last week.
I dressed in my jeans, long sleeved polo shirt and trainers. I laid out my thick woollen jumper to wear when I leave as the temperature was only forecast to be eight degrees Celsius.
Mum and Beth weren't up as for breakfast I decided on two Weetabix. This would keep me going till lunch. This brought back memories of the telephone call I had with Dad on Wednesday. He had been to see a computer company in Kettering and had passed the Weetabix factory in Burton Latimer. On the way back he called in and managed to get a guided tour. My thoughts then turned a bit melancholic as I remembered some of the good times I'd had with Dad. I really missed him and had not seen him for over a year. I wonder why we aren't allowed to visit. Will he come at Christmas? Probably not. Was it my fault? Did he leave as he couldn't cope with seeing his only son turn female?
Mum came down the stairs and looked surprised to see that I was up and had already eaten breakfast. She then saw the sad look on my face. "What's wrong," she asked in a kind voice.
"I was just thinking about a few things. I'm okay." I got up to get myself ready but obviously my Mum was not finished. Beth just came into the room and was surprised to see I'd already finished breakfast.
"Sit down," she commanded. Both Beth and I sat and she continued with, "What's the problem. Is it school? The pantomime? The girls leaving?" I had shaken my head on all of these items.
"I was thinking about Dad." Mums face clouded over. Beth looked at the table embarrassed that I'd brought up the only taboo subject. "Why did he leave?"
"I don't think we should be discussing this," she snapped. "Your father and I promised each other that we would not discuss the reasons with either of you until you were both older."
The tears then started trickling down my cheeks. "Is it my fault? My illness?"
My Mum then looked surprised and a bit hurt. "No, it is not your fault or Beth's. It isn't even my fault or your fathers. I still love your father very much and I know he still loves me. There are circumstances that I didn't understand last year that I now understand a bit better. We decided it was best for both you and Beth if we split up till either the circumstances changed or you were old enough to understand."
"So why do you punish us by banning visits to Dad? He is as important to us as you are."
Mum was quiet for a few moments. "You may think of it as a punishment but it isn't. Both Andrew and I are trying to protect both of you. Bill gets a lot of stick from people at school and we didn't want it to get any worse. Now for a revelation that I am ashamed of; it was also easier for me to deal with the circumstances without Andrew around. However I have worked through most of the issues I had and I would want to be back with him in a shot but that would cause you both a lot of pain."
"Sorry I can't say more but as I said earlier, it is an agreement that Andrew and I have reached and it is for your own good," concluded Mum. "Next time we speak with your Dad I'll get him to talk to you both about it as well. Does that answer any of your concerns?"
"I just have one question," said Beth. "Will we ever see our Dad again?"
Obviously this was too much for Mum as tears started streaming down her face. "We are trying to protect you both and none of you will see your Dad until we can reveal why he has gone away. The latest will be when you have left school. However if circumstances change it might be earlier."
Beth and I moved our chairs so we were both sides of Mum and snuggled up to her. Neither of us had realised how difficult Dad not being here was on her. For them to make the sacrifice of not seeing each other when there was so much love must mean they were serious about protecting us. It didn't sound much like he was having an affair any more but what was going on?
Mum regained her composure and I rushed to quickly get ready. I managed to reach Anna's on time.
As I came up the drive Anna opened the door and pulled me in and said, "Erika isn't here yet but you can get started. Go to my room and look on the bed you'll understand."
Why was everyone talking in cryptic messages today? First Mum with her spiel about Dad and now Anna. However this message was a lot easier to decrypt. Lying on the bed was a long denim skirt, pink long sleeved top, tights and panties. On the floor was a pair of casual looking shoes with one inch heels. There was a note next to the panties saying "Give me a shout when you're dressed."
"Anna," I called down the stairs. "There isn't a bra here."
"Missing wearing one already," she teased. The more seriously she said, "It's deliberate. Don't worry about it, just get dressed."
Oh boy. Well I suppose this would be good practice. If I can pass in the shops then I knew I would be able to survive when my dodgy hormone receptors failed. With a small bit of regret I striped hanging my carefully chosen clothes on the supplied hangers and my underwear into a bag. It didn't take me long to slip into the clothes and brush out my hair. I still hadn't heard the front door but I thought I heard the phone at one stage.
I opened the bedroom door and called "Anna. I'm ready."
Anna bounded up the stairs and into her bedroom, "Lets have a look at you." She gave me an appraising look from head to toe. "I like what you've done with your hair."
"Thanks. Do I pass?" I had again adopted the female voice that I'd learnt last week.
"Oh yeah, you look and sound very much like a girl, and you don't need makeup to enhance your face. I doubt even your own sister would recognise you."
"I'd rather not take that chance. So is Erika coming?"
"Yes. She should be here in a few minutes. Here Jill, you will need these," she said passing me a denim jacket and a thick winter coat.
"Not Jill again? The time in music was enough."
"I'm afraid so. I can't go round calling you Bill when you look like that. People might think it suspicious."
I nodded and we went downstairs. We saw Erika walking towards the house so we left with Anna securing the house behind us. "If we rush we should make the number 870 bus from outside the school," panted Erika.
We were lucky and the bus was running late. Two giggling girls accompanied by a rather shy and subdued girl boarded the bus. By the time we got to Wolverhampton some thirty five minutes later it was three giggling girls who stepped off.
"First thinks first," said Anna taking charge. "We need to sort some makeup out for you. We have avoided it because your skin is a slightly different tone to ours. Let's go to Boots where they will be able to do a colour match."
I shrugged, "Thirteen year old girls wear some makeup so I need to know and practice. Just make sure that I get something to remove it otherwise Mum will go ape! Actually before we go to Boots I need to withdraw some money."
Well I managed to withdraw the money without incident and we walked to the middle of the Mander Centre and entered Boots. One thing that is common in all Boots stores is they all have cosmetic counters by the entrance. So there was no avoiding it.
"There's about half a dozen different brands. Which one is best?" I asked my comrades.
"I use Clinique and Anna uses Estée Lauder. It's up to you."
I decided on the Estée Lauder as the Clinique counter looked busy.
"Hi, my Mum has just given me permission to start wearing makeup," I explained, in my best female voice, to the counter lady. Her white coat gave her a very clinical look. "I will need a colour match for foundation etcetera."
The lady smiled saying, "Hop up onto the stool and lets see what we can do. I'm Stacy."
"I'm, er, Jill," I said as I struggled to climb onto the stool. Eventually I was seated.
Stacy moved a round magnifying mirror so I would be able to look in detail at what she did. She then began to examine my face.
"Your skin is so smooth. It doesn't appear that you've ever suffered from acne as you don't appear to have any blemishes. Most girls of your age don't wear foundation and blusher. Let's start with a bit of colour on your lips and something to accentuate your eyes."
I noticed in the mirror that my face reddened slightly at her compliment. I was blushing. The compliment made me feel proud but I felt so humiliated that I blushed.
Fifteen minutes later I left carrying a bag of purchased supplies, including facial wipes. My face now sported a smidgen of makeup making me look like a very sophisticated thirteen year old.
"Lets try on a few things," encouraged Erika as she dragged me into ETAM. That girl is insatiable. Both Anna and Erika were soon hunting through racks of clothes.
"What do you think?" asked Anna holding a top against herself.
"Looks good," responded Erika, "but you don't have matching slacks or skirt do you?"
"No..."
"How about this?" I suggested holding up a skirt. I had decided that standing around like a prune would look odd. Anyway they appeared to be making shopping seem fun and why shouldn't I have fun as well.
"Just the thing," responded Anna. "You've certainly got a good eye."
We carried on browsing and I pulled out a casual dress with a denim jacket. "What do you think?"
"Ooh yes," both girls responded.
"Let's try them on," encouraged Erika.
We trouped into the changing room and we were soon exhibiting our new outfits to each other in the changing room corridor.
"Are you planning to take me on any more trips like this?" I asked.
"Its good practice," replied Anna. "When you asked how far this should go you said to cover everything. Shopping is just one of the things you need to get used to."
"I'll get this outfit then." I responded.
"Well it certainly looks good on you," said a familiar voice from behind. "Do you have enough money or do you need my help?"
I saw Erika and Anna had turned pale and I almost collapsed when I turned round and saw Beth standing there. There was nowhere to go so I rushed back into the cubicle to get away from her. While hiding I changed back. I sat on the little chair, slightly shaking, trying to think on how to get out of this mess.
After a few minutes I had calmed down so I exited and saw Beth still waiting. "Anna and Erika are waiting outside. Are you going to get these?"
If Anna was going to take me on more trips like she promised then it wouldn't be fair to always borrow from her. However I couldn't bring myself to purchase them with my sister there. There is a difference between knowing and suspecting. Beth might suspect I have some female clothes but her knowing for definite was something I wanted to avoid.
"I'm not sure," I said to the on duty attendant and handed them to her. She hung them on a rail to be put back on the shop floor later.
"Come on little sis, I think you ought to get them. They fitted well and you looked good in them." she cajoled.
I looked straight into her eyes. What was going on? There didn't appear to be any malice but being encouraged by my sister to buy a dress was freaky.
"I'm not going to tell Mum," she continued. "Look, let me get them for you."
The attendant passed the top and skirt to my sister and we walked to the till.
"Beth, this is something I need to do. I'm paying." She nodded and I found myself twenty pounds poorer.
As we walked to the entrance I asked, "I thought you were going to Sarah's?"
"I was but she wasn't feeling very well so I decided to do some Christmas shopping. I saw Anna and Erika as I was passing but didn't see Bill. Instead I saw this young girl and after last weekends events I suspected."
"Are you going to tell Mum?" I mumbled.
"No. I've a few things to get before I need to go home to start the evening meals so let's have a chat about it tonight. Don't worry as I'm not angry or anything. Enjoy yourself and have some fun! Don't forget the girls are invited to eat with us tonight."
As we exited the store she wave bye and left me with Anna and Erika who drowned me in questions. "Are you okay? What did she say? Is she going to tell anyone? Did you get the outfit?"
"Whoa, slow down. It's approaching lunchtime so let's go get something to eat and I'll fill you in but yes I did buy the outfit."
"Way to go Jill," crowed Erika. "Your first girls outfit."
We walked out into Victoria Street and we went into the local Pizza Hut. After the customary wait we settled down to munch on a Meaty Edge pizza.
Both girls looked at me expectantly so, "I presumed you want to know what happened between me and Beth?" As they both nodded I explained ending with, "I don't know what she thinks. She promised not to tell Mum but who knows."
"Send me a text message tonight to let me know," asked Anna.
"No need," I responded. "Remember that last week you were invited to eat with us for when your parents weren't around. Beth reminded me earlier that you are both expected to be eating with us again tonight."
"Okay, next it is underwear," said Anna as she guided us to the required shop. "You need to get yourself some bras and panties."
I gulped. Yes I'd already got a dress and jacket but buying my own bras. It felt like I was tempting fate. "Do I really need to?"
Both girls nodded and Anna dragged me into the shop. We took the escalator to the first floor and soon found myself staring at racks of bras. Each block had signs that appeared to identify the type of bra; minimizer, enhancer, sports, multiway, underwired, non-wired.
"How do I choose a bra?" I asked my mind still trying to comprehend the choice.
"Well, you don't have anything to fill one," said Erika explaining the obvious. Anna just glared at her and steered me towards the teenage section. The range was smaller and I soon saw Anna had taken me to the bras that were labelled ‘Starter Bra'.
A sales lady walked up and asked, "Hi girls, can I help?"
Erika steered me to the front. "Hi, Jill is a late bloomer and was wondering if you had anything to help."
"Of course," she replied. "Let's go to a changing room and I'll measure you."
Anna looked at me and must have seen the petrified look on my face. "Could you also measure me?" Anna asked sweetly, "I think I've had a growth spurt."
"Can you do me too?" asked Erika rather lamely as she finally understood what was happening.
The sales lady just gave a small laugh. "Come on then, lets get you all measured."
We all followed the lady into a large changing room. "Okay girls, off with your tops and bras so I can measure you properly."
Anna and Erika looked at each other wondering what to do. Obviously they didn't want to strip off in front of me.
"It's a bit cold in here," I said removing my top. "Why don't you two keep your tops on to keep warm while the lady measures me first?"
The sales lady took one look at my flat chest and said, "It doesn't look like you need a bra yet." However not wanting to loose a sale she continued, "However I bet you feel a bit underdressed when you see your friends wearing them?"
I just nodded.
"Don't worry they will come eventually. Let me measure you and I'll see what I can find to help."
A tape measure suddenly appeared and my chest size measured. The sales lady disappeared to find an appropriate bra.
"Thanks," said Anna and Erika in unison both looking embarrassed.
I just gave a small smile as it would have been fun to see Anna topless. Obviously my parents gave me too many manners.
"Let's see how this fits," said the sales lady as she walked in with a bra. I slipped the bra up my arms and she fastened it at the back. The bra had a pattern of little shapes and was slightly padded.
"Would you like to keep it on?" asked the sales lady.
"Er, well..." I stuttered.
"Keep it on Jill, it's all good practice," pressured Anna.
The sales lady thought that Anna meant practice for my eventual breast growth. However I knew exactly what Anna meant.
"Yeah, I'll keep it on," I confirmed to the sales lady. "Why don't I pay for it while you measure these two?"
I put on my top and went to pay for the bra I was wearing. As I waited for Anna and Erika I started to wonder if one bra was enough. I wouldn't be wearing it that often but it might be good to have a spare.
A few minutes later Anna appeared and then Erika. Neither of the girls required new bras.
"You might want to get a spare," said Anna as the sales lady disappeared looking for a new victim. I just smiled and showed her the spare I was carrying.
"Panties next," said Erika grabbing my arm.
"I won't have to be measured, will I?"
Anna stopped, took one look at my face and burst into fits of giggles. "No, we know your size as you fit into my panties perfectly."
As I looked at the panties there was quite a choice. However most of the different ranges were for adults. For children my age and size the range was rather more limited. After looking I decided on a pack of five varied pastel coloured panties. There was a slight lacy effect around the top.
For the next two hours we cruised around the Mander Centre and other shops around Wolverhampton. We boarded the bus laden with bags full of presents and enough gift-wrapping paper to sink a battleship. When we alighted near the school we saw the steep hill ahead. Why did we buy so much at once! After changing clothes at Anna's we marched down to my house for tea with me feeling very worried about if Beth had told Mum.
The two girls went in the lounge where my Mum was sitting while I deposited the purchases in my room. I had left the top and skirt at Anna's but hid the new underwear at the back of my draw.
When we all sat down to Duck l'Orange I saw Beth for the first time since she caught me buying girls clothes. I glanced at her with fear in my eyes and she gave me a reassuring smile.
"I hear that Bill and the girls also went to the Mander Centre. Did you see them?" Mum asked Beth.
Oh God. Why does Mum always have to ask such awkward questions? "No," replied Beth. "I saw Anna and Erika and one of their girl friends but didn't see Bill."
I definitely felt better at this stage. Erika and Anna also looked relieved, which I hoped Mum didn't see. Duck was just a pain to eat, too much bone with very little meat.
Desert was Baked Alaska, which was a first for Erika. As she bit into it she was surprised to find cold ice-cream within. "Cool! How'd you do this?" she asked Beth.
"What do you mean?"
"Well I saw you just remove this from the oven so I know you didn't add the ice-cream after."
"Oh that. Trade secret."
I grinned at Beth's teasing. "The meringue acts as a temporary insulator," I explained. "You just have to make sure that it fully covers everything or the ice-cream melts."
"How do you know this?" asked Erika.
"Bill made it November last year," replied Mum. "Putting the meringue on can be quite fiddly and it is something you don't forget. Also meringue is Bills favourite."
The girls left at about nine, after calls confirming that their parents were back. Beth and I went upstairs to have our discussion. I followed her into her room and sat on the floor with my back to her bed.
"Thanks for not telling Mum," I started. "Why?"
"I'm not a snitch," she responded. "Mum would probably be very upset if I told her and that would not be fair on either of you. Why were you dressed as a girl?"
"Practice for the pantomime."
"That's only part of the reason. You purchased an outfit for you to wear on other occasions. You have the pantomime on Friday night and Saturday afternoon. You won't have chance to go out dressed before then. So why are you dressing as a girl?"
I was trapped. Beth wasn't stupid and had summarised the situation to me so I knew that she knew I was lying. I also think that she knew, that I knew, that she knew I was lying. So there definitely wasn't any escape. The only way out was the truth.
"I'm changing. My hips are the most noticeable but there are other items such as my face. I started puberty five years ago and I would have expected to have to shave by now. Eventually my body will be too feminine to live as a boy and I'll have to live as a girl. I asked Anna and Erika for help to learn what I need to know before they leave."
Beth thought about what I was telling her, "I think there is more to it than just that. I think it might have started out like that but I think you are beginning to find the clothes more enjoyable than you thought."
"The clothes are really unimportant. They just fitted my body correctly, apart from the lack of breasts. However I seemed to fit in with Anna and Erika a lot better. Even though I've always been close with Anna it seemed to bring us even closer. However, I've no idea why or if it was just a coincidence. I think it will be something I will keep an eye on when we next go out."
I said goodnight to Beth and headed towards my bedroom while Beth headed towards the bathroom. Mum came steaming up the stairs looking very much the worse for wear. It looked like she had been crying. She physically grabbed us both, "I've just had a phone call about your father. He's not well and requires a bit of looking after. You are both too young to stay on your own so I've arranged for Beth to stay with Sarah and Bill to stay with the Scott's."
"How long are you going to be away?"
"It depends on how quickly he recovers. From the scant details I have I think I'll be back during Tuesday. It‘s late so quickly pack an overnight bag and collect the rest tomorrow. Both families are expecting you in thirty minutes. Once your gone I will lockup and drive to Milton Keynes."
Shocked at the sudden revelation I made my way to my room and packed a few items. As I packed my mind was a whirl of activity. What was wrong with Dad? Mum seemed very upset about Dad's condition but didn't elaborate on the issue. I wonder if this is down to the reason he has left. I better not ask Mum what was wrong with Dad just in case. I don't want to cause her to get upset like last time.
I left five minutes after Beth giving a big hug to Mum as I departed towards Anna's. On one hand this was quite exciting; sleeping in the neighbouring room to the girl you loved. However my enthusiasm was diminished by thoughts about my Dad. Something minor wouldn't have my Mum rushing at little notice to the aid of somebody she was split from.
{continued}
by Karen Page
Edited by Angel O'Hare
Chapter 5
As I walked up the drive to the Scott's house, Mrs Scott opened the door and gave me a warm, welcoming hug. "Come on in. Anna is just finishing making sure your room is clear."
"Thank you Mrs Scott. I'm sorry for intruding at this late hour."
"Poppycock, we've known you for about ten years and if we couldn't help then who would you turn to? Go on up with your case, you've been here often enough to know where to go."
Mrs Scott moved back inside the house and let me in. I wearily climbed the stairs and entered the guest room. Inside I stood in shock. The clutter and mess that normally populated this room was gone. In its place was a clean, uncluttered room and standing in the middle was a very proud looking Anna.
"What do you think?" she asked flourishing her arms.
"Unbelievable," I responded. "If the room was anything like it used to be, then it's a miracle."
I placed the case in the corner and Anna proceeded to help me put clothes in the drawers and wardrobe. We chatted away as we emptied the case. The majority was just extra school uniforms. Anna looked at me strangely as I hung up a smart looking pair of trousers and shirt.
"These are just in case I go to church tomorrow. I know you don't go but it is only a twenty minute walk. I'd like to pray for my Dads speedy recovery."
When everything was unpacked we trouped our way down stairs where Mrs Scott was waiting in the lounge. "Here is a key to the front door," she stated passing me a key. "You know the rules of this house so I don't need to reiterate them. However since we are in charge of you please let us know if you're going somewhere and a rough time you're due back. That way we won't worry."
I just nodded my head. "I was planning to go to church tomorrow, like normal. Is that okay?"
"Of course it is. You go to St Mark's don't you? Do you want George to run you down?"
"No it is only a twenty minute walk. I should be back by half eleven, as long as the vicar doesn't get carried away with his sermon."
I saw that Anna was getting tired and feeling a bit weary myself I said, "I hope you don't find me rude but all this moving has worn me out. Do you mind if I trot of to bed?"
"I think I'll turn in as well," stated Anna rising from the settee. The two of us went up the stairs. As we got to Anna's door she paused and I stopped. She looked like she was contemplating saying something. However she just shook her head and said, "Goodnight. I'll come down to church with you. It starts at half nine, doesn't it?"
"Yes," I replied and watched as her bedroom door closed.
I continued to my temporary sleeping place. This room was larger that Anna's and had a double bed where hers only had a single. It also had an attached room with a toilet and shower which Anna's didn't. "I wonder why Anna doesn't have this room," I thought to myself as I slipped into my pyjamas. It took a while to get to sleep as my thoughts alternated between by Dad and my impending pantomime performance. However thoughts of Anna kept intruding my sleep, especially when the sound of her snoring filtered into the room.
***
It wasn't long before the alarm signalled that it was time to get up. I staggered out of bed my eyes gradually adjusting to the harsh electric light. Oh how I missed the dimmer in my bedroom.
"Good morning," said Anna as we both simultaneously exited our bedrooms. She was dressed smartly in a knee length skirt, plain blouse and a matching jacket; it was the type of clothes that my sister wore to church. After a rather quick breakfast we were on the way to church, leaving Anna's parents still asleep in their bed.
We got to church fifteen minutes before the service started. Regulars were surprised to see me with Anna and not my Mum or Beth. As we took our places on the traditional wooden pews Beth arrived and joined us.
"No Sarah?" I whispered to Beth after she'd finished saying her prayer.
"She's a catholic," responded Beth in an equally hushed voice. "It wouldn't have been fair to drag her to a Church of England service."
The sermon didn't last more than twenty minutes and after just an hour the service was over. Instead of going straight home we went to the church hall to have a coffee and biscuit. As we chatted the vicar came up to us. "Hi," he started, "Is your Mum not well?"
We were regular church attendees and for Mum not to be there was very unusual. "Dad isn't very well," stated Beth. "Mum went to Milton Keynes to look after him."
"Where are you staying? Can I offer any assistance?"
"I'm staying with one of my friends from school," explained Beth. "Bill is staying with Anna."
"Is this Anna? I don't think I've seen you in church before."
"I'm not a regular attendee," Anna confessed. "I thought it would be good to keep Bill company. My parents are moving to Milton Keynes over Christmas time so I doubt I'll become a regular."
The vicar moved away into the centre of the room and said in a loud voice, "Can I have everyone's attention." As the room became quiet he continued in a slightly quieter voice, "It has just come to my attention that Andrew Toms is very ill. Carol is tending his needs. Let us pray."
There was now complete silence and everyone bowed their heads.
The vicar then prayed, "Lord Jesus. During your time on Earth you performed many acts of healing. You helped the lame walk; brought peace to troubled minds and cured people suffering disease. Today there are many people that require your help; please bring healing to all those that are sick in body, mind and spirit. We especially pray for one of your flock, Andrew Toms. Watch over him and help guide the people who endeavour to heal him; especially his loving wife Carol. Bring comfort to his friends and relations in this difficult time, especially his two children Beth and Bill and the kind people looking after them. Amen."
After that short intercession we were inundated by regulars giving best wishes to my parents and hoping for a speedy recovery for my Dad. There were also offers of hospitality for me and Beth while my Mum was away.
Due to the unexpected attention we didn't set off till late. We said goodbye to Beth and Anna and I started the trek home. We got back at about twelve, just in time for Sunday lunch.
Erika had gone with her parents Christmas shopping so I hung around with Anna most of the day. This was just like old times before we became a trio. When Anna's parents went out during the afternoon Anna had me practice for the pantomime. Jill was back in all but dress; I couldn't risk being seen by Mr and Mrs Scott.
***
"How are you?" asked Erika as we all walked down to school. "I can't believe that somebody would beat up your Dad like that."
"WHAT!" Anna and I both simultaneously screamed with all three of us coming to a sudden halt.
"My Mum wouldn't tell me what was wrong with him; she just said he was not well and needed looking after," I explained.
"My parents said the same," injected Anna.
"Well my parents didn't tell me either. I just eavesdropped at the door when my Dad was talking to Anna's Dad. It seems it was somebody from the office that did it."
"I suppose that explains why our parents didn't want us to know," I surmised.
"But why would somebody want to beat up your Dad?" asked Anna. "He is such a gentle person."
We continued to school pondering on the motive of the culprit. As we entered the school grounds I saw Beth and we updated her on what Erika had overheard. As usual Beth was very level headed about it.
"Look Bill, "started Beth, "there is nothing we can do about it now. Mum said that she should be back tomorrow so it can't be that bad."
"I suppose so," I conceded rather doubtfully.
"Why don't you meet me at our house after school? We can ring Mum at Dad's house."
It was hard to concentrate on lessons due to my worries regarding Mum. It brought back many questions regarding Dad. Why did my parents split up? Why are they still apart when Mum says they have worked out their differences? Why aren't we allowed to visit? Why was he beaten up?
"Bill, please concentrate on the lesson!" was a standard phrase that morning and I was quite relieved when the bell rang signalling lunch. That is until I remembered that it was the dress rehearsal for the pantomime.
This week the cast of the play had been given permission to miss the afternoon lessons. The two classrooms next to the hall had been converted to changing rooms. However it was expected that I would require assistance in putting on my outfit so I was given my own changing room.
After I'd eaten I went to Mr Abbots to pickup my outfit. Beth had agreed to help me dress. She had retrieved a bag of accessories, such as bra, panties and makeup from her locker. Inside my changing room, which was Mr Small's office, I asked Beth, "Can you turn round while I change underwear."
Beth gave a slight chuckle as she obliged. As her gaze was diverted I removed my male underwear and donned the panties quickly followed by the bra. As I started to remove the dress from it protective bag Beth turned round and said, "I still can't get over how quickly you put on a bra. I know you have been practicing but I think you can do it quicker than me. Don't put on the dress yet, I want to do your makeup first."
"It's easier for me as I don't have any breasts and yes I have been practicing."
Beth deftly applied my makeup which added thirty years onto my life. I was soon wearing my regalia and after Beth had given me the once over I walked majestically onto the stage. The other cast members were already waiting. This was the first time that they had seen me in costume and they gaped at the brashness.
"Let's start the rehearsal instead of all staring at our Widow Twanky. I think we agree that Beth did a good job designing the costume. So let's have a run through and see if Bill gives it justice."
As I concentrated on my lines and not acting too feminine I didn't have time to worry about my Dad or ponder my Mum's motives. Beth, being my assistant, had also been excused from her classes and was seated where the audience would sit. Half way through the rehearsal Mrs Harries walked in with an official, but quirky, looking woman. Mr Abbots went across and talked to them for a moment before calling me across.
"Bill," said Mrs Harries, "this is Mrs Dougal. She is from the exam board to verify Beth's work. Normally the photograph with the written work and our marking is acceptable but since this is the first time we have run the course the exam board are checking that we are doing things correctly."
Mrs Dougal was smartly dressed in a modern pants suit which looked quite fashionable but it didn't match the rest of her looks. Her glasses were throwbacks from the nineteen twenties as was her hairstyle.
"May I examine how the dress fits you?" I was asked.
I attempted to shrug my shoulders with indifference but the layers of the dress hid the movement. "Go ahead," I responded after realising she was still awaiting my permission.
As I was being checked over I noticed that Beth had risen and was about to come across. Mrs Harries also noticed and shook her head. Beth must have got the message as she sat down but continued to watch the proceedings. When Mrs Dougal had finished she removed a folder from her briefcase and jotted a few remarks down.
"Thank you for your help," she said to me as she replaced the folder back into her briefcase. Then with a flourish she was gone.
After that brief interruption the rehearsal continued. Every so often Mr Abbots would stop and correct something but the items were just minor. At the end he said, "Well done everyone. That was very well done. Same time, same place tomorrow."
Wow, unbelievable, we had finished twenty minutes before the end of school. My first thoughts were that I would be able to get home early and find out about Dad. My thoughts were soon dashed when I relayed by thoughts to Beth.
"I doubt we will get home early as getting you changed is going to take twenty minutes minimum. The makeup removal is going to take at least five minutes."
As Beth and I walked towards the door Mr Abbots suddenly came up to me and said, "Bill, you did very well but be careful not to overact. Sometimes you looked just a bit too much like a girl playing the part."
"I'll try harder," I reassured him. "Trying to act like a girl is just so hard."
"Well this is why we have rehearsals," explained Mr Abbots. "Go and get changed and I'll see you tomorrow lunch."
When we got into Mr Small's office Beth just burst out laughing. "You need to be more careful," she said, "otherwise people are going to cotton on."
I was ready to leave just as the bell rang. Beth went to find her friends and I found Anna and Erika.
"How did it go?" asked Anna as we sauntered up Hill Street.
"Not too bad. A few mistakes but we should be ready by Friday. I really miss being able to practice the oboe. I've got my grade seven oboe exam next week, do you think your parents would mind if I practiced?"
"Only grade seven?" queried Erika. "You play really well. I thought you'd be at least grade ten standard."
I inwardly sighed, yet another difference. "Music exams are separate from school years. Grade one is the easiest. Grade eight is the hardest. If I get my grade eight then I will be exempt from one of the A Level music exams."
Erika just nodded her understanding. Something else appeared to be on her mind.
"I don't think so but you'll have to ask," responded Anna. "Mum will be back at about six. Dad doesn't normally materialise till about seven but he said he would make an extra effort this evening."
"Are you okay Erika?" asked Anna, "You seem to have been very quiet."
"I'm fine. I was just thinking abut our German homework. "Bill and I have to each recite a poem in German, rather like you were chosen to do one in French last month. I know I have had a week but I still haven't got anything."
"That's tomorrow?" I questioned. I'd forgotten all about it.
"'I'm afraid so."
Now I was quietly pondering wondering if Mum had any books of German poetry. Then suddenly it came to me. "Berg"
The other two just stopped and looked at me. Oh yes, now if I can only find the words. "Don't worry, just had a flash of inspiration."
Erika just shook her head in wonder.
"Anna, I missed cooking yesterday. Would your Mum be offended if I cooked the main course as my way of saying thank you for looking after me?"
Anna smiled and Erika just looked jealous. "I think Mum finds cooking a bit of a bore so I think she would be grateful. However I don't think she has many basic ingredients, we mostly have sauces from a jar."
"Don't worry; I'll bring what's needed."
I said a quick farewell as I walked down the path to my house to make the phone call to my parents. Beth wasn't home so I went into the lounge to lookup the book of composers. After going through various pages I found just what I wanted, ‘Seven Early Songs.'
Beth arrived just as I finished copying the German text. "Hi," she said. "Are you ready to ring?"
"This is going to be awkward. What do we say?"
"I've been thinking about this today. I'll ring and do most of the talking."
We both sat at the bottom of the stairs with Beth to my left. She always put the phone to her right ear so I should be able to hear what was said.
Beth rang the number and it was soon answered, "Hi Mum."
"Hi Beth," and then with concern in her voice, "Is everything okay with you and Bill?"
"Yes, why?"
"It's before six. You know it's a lot cheaper to ring after six."
"Yes but we were worried. We heard a rumour at school that Dad had been beaten up. Is it true?"
This question was only met with silence.
Beth tried again, "Mum, was Dad beaten up?"
A quiet, "Yes" was the only response.
I felt numb knowing the truth. Surprisingly, however, I didn't feel like crying. I'd been through most of the emotions earlier. Beth however didn't take it as well and I took the telephone. I used my left ear so Beth could still hear what was being said. I held the telephone with my left hand and reached across placing my right on her leg for comfort.
"Hi Mum. How bad was it?"
"It could have been a lot worse. Fortunately a group of people saw the incident and thankfully intervened. There was very little facially damage. Most of the bruising is on his chest. He also required about half a dozen stitches for a knife wound."
Beth started crying harder and I tried to nuzzle against her. I was too shocked to cry. "What the hell is Dad involved with?"
Mum must have missed the profanity as she said in between muffled weeps, "Nothing. He was just being himself." There was a trace of anger in her voice that I had never heard before. I'm glad I wasn't the person who had attacked Dad.
The conversation lasted only another few minutes as we were all too upset. Mum said that Dad was getting better and should be okay on his own by lunchtime tomorrow. I disconnected the call and my own bravado failed. Beth and I held each other for about ten minutes until our tears dried up.
Beth went upstairs to clean herself up and I went into the kitchen. I got the ingredients that I required for the main course. I still felt upset about my Dad and wanted to get my mind off the situation. Worrying would not solve anything. I grabbed another bag and started adding more ingredients and utensils.
When Beth appeared she was surprised to see me raiding the kitchen. "What are you doing?" she asked
"I asked Anna if her parents wouldn't mind me cooking the main course as a thank you for having me. However I need to take my mind off the situation with Dad so I have decided to cook desert as well."
"I wish I had thought of that but Sarah's Mum doesn't work so I think she would be offended if I offered to cook."
Beth locked up the house and she turned left heading towards Sarah's house. I turned right and staggered up the road towards the Scott's. When I got there Anna let me in and helped me take the bags into the kitchen. Erika was there which surprised me as her Mum normally complained if she wasn't home straight away.
I was dragged by the two girls to the settee and was seated between them. "What did your Mum say?" eventually asked Anna.
"That Dad was beaten up," I answered quietly. "Erika was right."
Erika was stunned but she had never met my Dad. However Anna, who had known him for ten years burst into tears. Anna and I just embraced each other in sympathy while Erika averted her eyes wondering if she had done the right thing by telling us about my Dad.
I glanced across at Erika who was being very silent. She looked a bit guilty. I took her hands into mine and said, "Thanks for telling me about my Dad being beaten up. Not knowing what was going on was a lot worse."
"Are you sure?" she asked timidly.
"Yes!" I responded emphatically giving her a reassuring hug.
When Erika had left Anna helped to unload the ingredients and utensils that I had brought. Anna had thought that I was only making the main course asked, "Isn't that an awful lot?"
"I want to take my mind off the situation with Dad and I find cooking a good technique. I find that chopping and whipping are excelling methods of tension reduction. I was going to make a dessert as well."
"Can I help?" asked Anna. "I require a distraction as well."
I nodded in surprise. Anna had never shown any inclination in cooking. "Why don't you grab a chopping knife and start on slicing the mushrooms. I'll start making the pastry for the dessert."
When Mrs Scott walked in I had finished making the basis for the lemon meringue pie; all that was left was the meringue. Anna who was not used to cooking worked slower than me but had prepared the main course. Anna was going to make the Beef Stroganoff. It was quite a simple dish to make but appeared to be quite complex. As long as she didn't curdle the cream she should be okay.
We had washed up as we prepared but there were dishes of carefully measured ingredients cluttering the sides. Mrs Scott took one look in the kitchen and said, "I wish we got treated like this every night. George just rang on his mobile; he has left work earlier than normal and should be home shortly. I'll set the table."
As I would need to do the meringue just before we ate the main course I helped Anna with the main course. She was busy frying the mushroom and onion so I tackled creaming the potatoes and cooking the vegetables.
Anna continued to cook to perfection when she was about to add the sour cream. "STOP!" I shouted stopping her just before she poured it in. "Turn down the heat first and let the pan cool or you'll curdle the cream. Wait about thirty seconds before adding the cream."
Anna did as she was instructed as I got out my whisk and gradually made the meringue. Doing it by hand took a lot more time than using an electric whisk but you got a much better finish.
I put the pie into the oven just as Anna finished putting the meal on the plates and together we carried them into the dining room. Mrs Scott had laid out the table and Mr Scott was pouring out four glasses of wine.
"I think this meal deserves wine and since you have both have been grownup enough to cook this meal then I think you are grownup enough to have half a glass each."
The main course and dessert both were well received by Mr and Mrs Scott. They lavished praise on Anna, who had never shown any desire to cook before. Then they were equally generous praising the desert. I was treated as part of the family. As the meal finished I became quite melancholic. Anna might not have any brothers or sisters but at least she has a Dad. Oh how I miss my Dad.
As Mrs Scott gathered up used crockery she said, "Thank you both for cooking such a lovely meal. Now go and finish off your homework while I clear up."
"Er…Mrs Scott, I have my grade seven oboe exam next week. Would you mind if I practice. I'll try to be as quiet as possible."
She looked at me and gave a hearty laugh, "I've no problem with you practicing and don't try to keep it quiet. I have always enjoyed your playing and at grade seven I doubt you sound much like a strangled duck."
I rushed upstairs to the guestroom and got setup. I rummaged through my bag and removed the lightweight music stand. I moistened the reed in my mouth as I put the oboe together. I sucked out the excess saliva and inserted the reed into the top of the oboe. After playing a few scales and arpeggios to warm up I started on the first of the three pieces I would have to play. The sound of Handles third oboe concerto soared through the air. I felt quite tense at first knowing that the Scott's would be able to hear everything I played. However after a few minutes I lost myself to the music and became oblivious to anything else.
I lost total track of time. I would practice areas and repeat them over until I was satisfied. At the end I would play the piece in full with all the correct emotions. If I thought I'd played it correctly I would move onto the next piece. At the end my lips were beginning to tire and I felt my embouchure wasn't correct resulting in a rather poor quality sound.
As I put the instrument away I glanced at my watch. I'd been playing for nearly two hours. No wonder my lips ached. Having your lips curled under teeth for that long was not recommended. The roof of my mouth was dry and I felt thirsty so when everything was packed away I went downstairs to get a glass of water. As I got to the bottom of the stairs Anna came out of the kitchen with a large glass of water.
"Here you are," she said offering me the glass.
"Thanks," I said gratefully. "It's just what I need."
As we walked toward the lounge she asked, "What was the last piece you played? I know the other three are for your exams but the last one was much simpler. It was so haunting that it sent shivers up my spine."
"It was the theme music to the 1983 version of Jane Eyre," I answered without thinking. Then, as we sat ourselves on the settee, the full implication of her question filtered into my brain. "You listened to me practice?"
"How could anybody not listen to your playing," she replied.
I just sat there stunned and after a few minutes contemplation decided it would be best to leave that conversation alone. We spent the rest of the evening together watching television. Eventually my mind started to wander and I thought about tomorrow. I thought about the German lesson and what I had prepared. I knew what the poem meant and I just hoped that Anna wouldn't.
***
As my Mum was going to be back today I was moving back home. Before breakfast I packed the few personal items I'd brought from home.
When I came down for breakfast Anna said, "I've packed the cooking utensils and ingredients that you brought last night. Since we pass your house on the way to school I'll help you carry them home."
Not only did Anna help me carry the bags home she helped me quickly put the items away. The kitchen would be tidy for Mums return.
The morning passed slowly while I pondered on my Dad and worried about the poem. The last lesson before lunch was German. Soon I was asked to stand at the front of the class and perform my homework.
"This is a poem by Otto Erich Hartleben who lived between 1864 and 1905."
I then looked straight into Anna's eyes as I said with as much passion as I could muster:
Im Arm der Liebe schliefen wir selig ein,
Am offnen Fenster lauschte der Sommerwind,
Und unsrer Atemzá¼ge Frieden trug er
hinaus in die helle Mondnacht.
Und aus dem Garten tastete zagend sich
ein Rosenduft an unserer Liebe Bett
Und gab uns wundervolle Trá¤ume,
Trá¤ume des Rausches, so reich an Sehnsucht.
Mrs Jansen had been watching me the whole time and obviously understood what I was doing. As I sat down she gave me a knowing smile and continued with the lesson.
"Bill, a word please," uttered Mrs Jansen as everyone trouped out for lunch. Erika and Anna waited by the door. "This is private so can you please close the door," she said to the two girls.
Once the door was closed she continued, "Are you aware of what you said? I mean do you know the English translation?"
"Yes," I said confidently holding my head high.
"Do you think Anna was aware of what you said?"
"I hope not."
"No, but you put so much feeling into it she might have had a big clue. Half the class probably thought you had proposed. Your pronunciation was awful but it was more than compensated by the passion."
"Am I in trouble?"
"No," she said in a reassuring voice. "I just wanted to be sure you were aware of what you'd done. Also I wanted to thank you."
"Thank me?"
"Yes, this has made my day. Heck it probably has made my year. It is little things like this that make teaching special."
As I walked away from the classroom I decided to skip lunch as I needed time to get ready for the rehearsal. No I was just lying to myself; I skipped lunch to avoid getting grilled by Anna about the German poem. I went to the theatre to await Beth. Ten minutes later Beth arrived and I went to get changed.
As soon as the door to Mr Smalls office was closed she said, "I hear you had quite an interesting German lesson."
"WHAT?!. That lesson only finished twenty minutes ago so the rumour mill is being very quick today. What've you heard?"
"I've heard at least two different rumours," she responded as she applied my makeup. "The first is that you proposed to Anan and the other that you declared your love for her from the front of the class."
I felt my face heat up and I knew it was glowing bright red. "I only did my German homework."
"Yeah, right!" she said sarcastically. "What did you say?"
I told Beth and gave her a rough translation; she just laughed. Then I told her what Mrs Jansen had said afterwards she just laughed even harder.
After another successful rehearsal we walked home together. Our pace quickened when we saw Mums car. I was determined to find out what was going on with Dad. When we opened the front door the smell of good cooking filtered through the air and my resolve waned; perhaps I will interrogate Mum after eating.
More [A Strange Attraction to Concrete Cows]
by Karen Page
Edited by Angel O'Hare
Chapter 6
As we started the meal Mum pre-empted any discussion, "I presume you both have questions? Let's eat first and then we can have a discussion after we've tidied up."
We both agreed and the meal was eaten in relative silence. Mum had cooked so Beth and I cleared the table and washed up. When we entered the lounge Mum had closed the curtains and had the coal effect gas fire burning. Karl Jenkins' Adiemus was quietly playing in the background. As usual she was sat in the single seat so she could watch Beth and my reactions. Beth and I dutifully sat either side of the three-seat settee.
Mum took a sip of her black decaffeinated coffee and looked across at us. "Sarah's and Anna's mothers rang this afternoon to make sure I'd got home okay. They both gave glowing reports on your behaviour. I even heard that you both attended church on Sunday. I'm proud of how you both behaved in this emergency."
Beth and I looked proudly at each other. No matter how old I got I always got a happy feeling when Mum was proud of me.
"How's Dad?" asked Beth before I'd got chance to open my mouth.
"Your father is getting better. He is more mobile than he was, though he probably will be off work for a week."
"But why?" I asked
"Why is anyone attacked without provocation?" responded Mum. "The police have arrested the attacker and because the knife pierced the skin they have charged him with grievous bodily harm. Yesterday there was a court hearing and the man has been remanded in custody."
"Why didn't you bring Dad back with you?" asked Beth. "We could have helped look after him."
"I tried but he was adamant about not breaking the decision about you not seeing him until you've left school."
"Or the circumstances change," interjected Beth
"I don't think they will," responded Mum, "and I think that is for the best."
It soon became apparent that Mum wasn't going to reveal anything more about Dad. No matter how much Beth and I pushed, Mum held her ground.
Mum brought our probing to an end with, "Don't you both have homework?"
As Christmas approached the amount of homework from school diminished. However practice for my impending music exam and pantomime performance kept me from getting bored. On top of that I was a member of the counties concert wind band and there was a concert just preceding Christmas. I just hoped that passing my oboe exam would help get me into the county youth orchestra.
***
The next day I saw Anna and Erika approaching on the way to school. As usual I left the house so they didn't need to knock. After exchanging pleasantries I expected Anna to interrogate me about the poem. However Anna, as she had a habit of doing, surprised me.
"How's your Dad?" she asked.
I was just about to defend myself about the poem when I realised what she'd asked. "Well, er, he's, er, on the mend. There is quite a bit of bruising on his chest which will take quite a while to fade. He required several stitches for a knife wound. At least he isn't bedridden anymore and can actually cook for himself."
"Why didn't your Mom bring him back?" asked Erika.
"She tried," I responded. "For some reason he refused. Apparently it's the same reason that Beth and I aren't allowed to see him; what ever that is. Have either of you two heard anything else?"
"Not a sausage," responded Anna.
Erika however was silent. Anna and I glanced across and saw the look on her face.
"Erika, what did you hear?" I prodded.
Reluctantly she said, "It's just something I overhead, I'm not sure if I heard it properly so I didn't want to say."
"It's okay Erika," said Anna slipping her arm around her friend. "We know that you don't gossip. We won't tell anybody that it was you that told us."
Erika thought for a moment obviously trying to resolve the conflict between gossiping and helping her friend. She sighed and reluctantly said, "Marcus, the person who beat up your Dad, has decided to plead not guilty. Apparently he feels that he was justified and wants this to go to a jury trial."
"First my Dad has a big fight with Mum and he transfers to Milton Keynes. Neither Mum nor Dad will explain why Dad has moved. Then Dad is beaten up and it appears to be over why he moved. I wish somebody would explain what my Dad is doing. I used to think he was having an affair but my Mum is still so much in love and he claims he still loves Mum. I just wish I knew what was going on."
"I wish we knew what was happening with your Dad but I haven't heard anything," responded Erika linking her arm with mine.
"Me neither. What ever it is, it isn't being discussed," said Anna linking arms with me on the other side.
Erika didn't really know my Dad but Anna did. So whatever my Dad was doing was being kept very quiet. The trouble with Dad probably kept Anna from questioning me about the German lesson.
The week progressed and the rehearsals got better. The art department had done a good job with the scenery which had now been completed. I'd practiced putting my own makeup on and was gradually getting better. So Beth only had to give advice on applying makeup and not having to apply it herself.
Mum had purchased tickets for the Friday night performance. Beth who would be helping me get ready (yeah right) had complementary tickets to one of the nights. She'd managed to arrange to sit next to Mum on the Friday performance. On the Saturday she'd been volunteered to help with the refreshments.
Soon it was late Friday afternoon, Beth and I was sitting at the bottom of the stairs waiting for Mum to finish getting ready. To save time and embarrassment I was already wearing a pair of panties. The bra was encasing my chest but without the cups being filled. I'd checked several times in the mirror to ensure that the outline of the bra and panties weren't visible under my jeans and thick winter jumper.
Since I was going to be in the play I had to be there early. I'd tried to persuade Mum to walk down later but she decided it would be nice to all go as a family. Erika and her parents were also going to go to tonight's performance. Anna and her parents were going tomorrow. I wonder if Dad will be attending a performance. I thought it would be best not to ask. Since visiting Dad, Mum appeared to be a lot better when Dad was mentioned. I decided I wouldn't mention it as there was no use tempting fate.
Mum came down the stairs already wearing her thick winter coat and said, "Shall we go?"
Beth and I stood and donned our coats and walked into the cold winter evening. There was a sharp biting northerly wind which drove the cold into my recently shaved legs. We waited as Mum locked the front door. The old saying "When the north wind doth blow, we shall have snow" came to mind. I looked up into the sky and there was no sign of the stars. It certainly felt cold enough for snow. I was glad when we were walking as it helped to keep warm.
We chatted quietly during the walk but as we approached the school Mum must have decided that she'd missed out on something.
"I was just thinking about the time that you came down to show the pantomime dress. I hope this doesn't offend you but I thought that you did very well."
"Thanks," was all I could reply. I was unsure what had got into Mum as she'd shown no previous inclination to say anything on the subject. I glanced at Beth for some sort of clue but she just gave a shrug.
"Would you like some extra help in getting ready?" Mum asked.
"I think I should be okay with just Beth's help. The room is very small," I replied trying to put Mum off without offending her. I didn't want her to see that I'd shaved my arms, legs and armpits.
Mum looked very disappointed, as she answered, "Oh, okay."
The back path into school, past the bike sheds, was unlit so we did the unusual thing and used the main entrance. There were already a few small groups of parents in the festively dressed entrance hall, some of which I recognised as parents of people taking part. Beth and I left Mum to browse samples of work from the art department while we went to get me ready.
As I was already wearing panties there was no need for Beth to avert her eyes. I carefully applied the makeup with Beth giving advice. I was gradually improving my makeup skill but I still found it slow going. Once I was ready Beth left to join Mum in the audience. I went to join the others in the main music classroom. Since my costume was the most complex I was the last of the cast to arrive.
"Ah, here he is," informed Mr Abbots.
I grinned sheepishly as I looked around. All the cast were there and the Home Economics teacher, Mrs Harries. She was there just in case something happened to one of the costumes that required a quick repair
"I always knew you were a sissy," said a voice whispering in my ear. I turned round to see Tom.
"Whose name did you actually pull out?" I asked in the same hushed tone.
"Yeah you were right. I didn't pull out your name. Actually I pulled out my own," he gloated, his voice starting to rise from a whisper. "I knew how much of a sissy you are so thought you should have the chance to show us all."
"So it was true," said a voice from behind Tom. Tom who had been preoccupied in teasing me hadn't heard his mother quietly walk across to find out what the whispering was about.
"Quiet everyone," ordered Mrs Harries to the cast. "Tom has a confession to make."
Tom looked like he was about to object.
"NOW!" thundered Mrs Harries, her blazing eyes full of passion.
"I...I...I didn't," he paused and looked at his mother.
"Carry on," she insisted.
"I didn't pull out Bill's name to play Widow Twanky," he mumbled his head lowered.
"Whose name did you pull out?" asked Mr Abbots walking towards the boy. The muttering in the room ceased as everyone waited to see what was going to happen next.
"My own," came the pitiful response.
The mutterings in the room started again as everybody wondered what was going to happen.
"Wait for me outside," instructed Mr Abbots rather harshly to Tom.
He then turned to me and quietly asked, "It appears that you shouldn't have played Widow Twanky. Since it is too late for Tom to learn the part will you continue?"
Wow, the teacher didn't have to do that, he could have just continued as it was. A room of earnest faces looked at me. If I said no then the pantomime would be cancelled. I didn't want to have wasted all that practice time so I knew I would do it. However I paused for a few seconds, revelling in the power. The room was still and appeared that everyone was holding their breaths.
"All right," I said trying to sound reluctant. "I'll do it."
They all relaxed and the general chatter of the room restarted. Mr Abbots left the room leaving us under the careful eye of Mrs Harries. A few moments later he was back, "Okay everyone, quiet please. People in the first seen please make your way quietly on stage. The headmaster will give, what I hope, is a five minute introduction and then it's up to you. You looked good in the rehearsals so go break a leg."
The audience appeared to love the pantomime and as in all pantomimes took an active part with shouts of "He's behind you" and the banter "Oh no I'm not / Oh yes you are". At the end there was a rapturous applause and the audience kept applauding that we had to make five curtain calls!
A few minutes after it had finished Beth came to help me get changed. With the wig, dress, bra and makeup removed I got dressed. Again I still had the panties on which did feel rather comfortable.
I took the dress to Mrs Harries for safe storage for tomorrow afternoons performance. "I'm so sorry for what Tom did," she apologised to me. "He will be punished."
"Well Tom has caused me a lot of grief because of this," I spat, my eyes sparkled with fury. "I've also missed a lot of lunchtime practice for my oboe exam. All your punishment will do is attempt to make Tom behave better. It won't give me the life I've lost or makeup for the teasing I've suffered."
Beth just stood there watching. She looked shocked that I would talk to a teacher like that. Mrs Harries also looked surprised at my venom.
"Come on Bill," said Beth taking me by my arm. "Let's go and find Mum."
As we walked toward the main entrance, which was the agreed meeting place, Beth asked, "What was all that about?"
"Are we still meeting up with Erika?" I asked. Beth just nodded. "Well let me tell you both at the same time."
Just inside the main entrance stood my mother and Erika with her parents. I knew Erika's Mum a little but Erika's father was always working and I'd only seen him abut three times.
"Hi," I said as I approached them.
"Oh that was so awesome," squealed Erika flinging her arms around and giving me a hug. I returned the hug and unconsciously squealed along. However, when I saw the look on my Mums face I forced myself to stop.
"Just like Julia," muttered Mrs Moore.
"Mom, who's Julia?" Erika asked her Mum.
"Oh, just a friend of ours," interrupted Mr Moore. "Wasn't the pantomime wonderful? I thought it would be just like a play but all the silly jokes was just somethin' else. And who would have thought that the English would create something so fun; I mean the banter between the cast and the audience was so...unexpected."
As we walked out of the entrance hall we were greeted by the cold wind biting into our faces. The parents went ahead while the two girls and I hung back so we could talk without them hearing.
"Dish the dirt," said Beth. "What was going on between you and Mrs Harries?"
"Tom decided to gloat about how I wasn't really the name he pulled out. Apparently he pulled out his own. He hadn't seen that his Mum was just behind him when he told me and she made him tell the whole class."
"Wow," said Erika. "How's he going to get punished?"
"I've no idea but I doubt much will happen. Tom's Dad will probably say that his son did the right thing by refusing to be the Dame. With school finishing on Tuesday, I doubt he will get punished much at school either."
As we approached home the first few flakes of snow started to fall. With the strong wind they felt more like ice so we quickly said goodbye to Erika. With the pantomime on Saturday and cooking on Sunday I doubted I'd see her before Monday.
The next day I awoke to a deep covering of snow. The oak tree at the bottom of the garden occasionally dropped a large chunk of snow as the wind rose and the branches started to sway. I sighed knowing what was to be done. Having dressed warmly I headed down stairs trailing just behind Beth, who was similarly attired.
"Good morning," greeting Mum as we walked into the kitchen. She looked at us both and continued, "You're dressed just right. After breakfast can you both clear the drive?"
The next two hours were spent clearing drive of snow. The sound of the spade scraping across the tarmac set my teeth on edge. When Mum said clear the drive we knew that she didn't mean just the drive but also the pavement in front of the house. When we were finished there was a nice pile of snow on the front lawn.
After lunch Beth and I walked down to the school. The cold had set the snow making any ground not cleared all crunchy.
"Are you ready for your oboe exam tomorrow?" she asked after a few moments silence.
"As ready as I'll ever be. At least it's at ten so the traffic shouldn't be too bad."
"How far is the testing centre?"
"Normally about a twenty minute drive," I responded trying to think back to my previous exam. "I suppose it depends how bad the snow forecast for tonight is."
We continued into the school and went to get changed. Beth again gave advice as I applied my makeup but she didn't need to give the same level of advice. She walked with me to await the start of the pantomime. She wouldn't be needed till the interval where she was to help with the drinks.
During the interval I sat munching a nice slice of Stollen when Anna appeared.
"Hi Anna," I said, "I thought you would be with your parents?"
"The queue was awful so I thought I would see how you were doing. By the way the pantomime so far is excellent. However, you're coming across a bit feminine so you might want to tone it down a bit."
"Thanks," I replied. "Mr Abbots mentioned that a few times during rehearsal. Did you see Beth?"
"Yeah, she looked like she was rushed off her feet. Have you finished your Christmas shopping?"
"Mostly. I've one or two items left to get. You?"
"The same. I've been doing so much packing that I've not had a chance."
"Why don't we go on Wednesday?" I asked
"Yeah, that would be nice. Though Erika won't be able to go as she has finished her shopping and very behind with packing," responded Anna. Then after a pause added quietly, "Who's going Bill or Jill?"
I looked around to see who was in earshot. Nobody was. "Who do you want to go?"
Anna was taken aback by me putting the ball back in her court. She had been hoping I'd have made the choice. "Would you be happy if Jill came?"
"Do you prefer Jill?" I quietly asked. A slight tremble was evident in my voice.
"No," she quickly reassured. "I like Bill and Jill equally, they're both you. However I might need to get some girly things and I though you might be more comfortable like that. Mum and Dad will both be at work so you can get changed at my house."
I nodded as the bell gave a single ring. The pantomime would recommence in five minutes so Anna disappeared to rejoin her parents. The rest of the pantomime finished without any real issues. However I was very conscious about not appearing too feminine. When the play finished the clapping was louder and longer than the previous night. The crowd didn't quieten till we'd done six curtain calls!
I walked home with Beth and Anna. Mr and Mrs Scott were slightly ahead. I chatted away with Anna but Beth appeared deep in thought.
I whispered to Anna, "Do you know what's wrong with Beth?"
"No idea."
"Beth, what's up?" I asked.
"Nothing really. I saw a woman during the interval that looked familiar but I can't place her. I overheard her talking to Mr Scott regarding work and he called her Julia. I don't know any Julia's but she looked awfully familiar."
"Didn't Mrs Moore last night mention a Julia?" I mentioned.
"I've never heard Dad mention a Julia," said Anna, "but that doesn't mean anything. He never discusses work at home as most of the things he deals with are either confidential or personal."
"Oh well, must just be my imagination," said Beth.
We said goodbye to Anna. We didn't expect to see her till Monday.
At the end of, what was for us, a rather late meal Beth's thoughtful face suddenly brightened. Since I'd helped Beth cook it was Mum's turn to wash up.
"Mum," asked Beth, "where are the photo albums with older pictures of the family?"
"In the bottom left cupboard of the display unit," replied Mum. "Which side of the family?"
"Dad's."
"Then that is the mottled blue album. Why do you want to look at it?"
"I just wanted to see a young picture of Granny Toms."
Mum just shrugged in wonder as she started to run a bowl of washing up water. I followed Beth into the lounge wondering what she was doing. I presumed it was something to do with the mysterious Julia. Beth found the album and we sat together looking at some very old pictures of the family. Some of the oldest ones were brown and white. After looking through them for about fifteen minutes Beth found some of Granny Toms when she was about forty.
Beth gave a gasp just as Mum came into the room. "I see you found the album," Mum said. "Did you find what you were looking for?"
"Yes," replied Beth. "Do we have a relative called Julia?"
More [A Strange Attraction to Concrete Cows]
by Karen Page
Edited by Angel O'Hare
Chapter 7
For a few seconds Mum just sat there stunned. "Why do you ask?"
"It's just I saw somebody during the pantomime interval that I found out was called Julia. She reminded me of somebody and after a few hours of racking my brains I remembered that she looks like Granny Toms used to."
"Can I see?" asked Mum. I felt a bit left out. I'd never seen this Julia person and I found the revelation that we had another relative very surprising. Nobody had ever mentioned her before.
When Mum saw the photo she just got the stunned look again. Beth leaned across, touched Mums arm and asked," So is she a relation?"
Mum gave a very simple response, "Yes."
"I was now very confused, "Why didn't you or Dad ever mention her before."
"Dad never told me about Julia until last year and since she's a member of the Toms family I didn't think it my place to tell you."
"Since she knows the Scott's and Moore's I presume she works for Planetwide?" concluded Beth.
"Yes. She works in the Milton Keynes office."
Before we could ask Mum any more questions the phone rang. Mum answered it. Apparently it was Dad. Mum took the cordless phone upstairs so she could talk in peace the only thing we heard was "You broke your promise."
"So how closely does Julia resemble Granny Toms?" I asked Beth trying to picture this recently discovered relation.
"The hair is different; Julia has her hair in a bob, and has thin arched eyebrows but the rest like the face is almost identical."
"Do you think we'll meet her?" I wondered.
"Well I suppose it depends if she is anything to do with Dad leaving."
"Why would a family member cause us not to see Dad? That doesn't make sense."
"No, but nothing regarding Dad has made sense since he left."
A good fifteen minutes later Mum appeared with the phone. "Your turns," she said.
I grabbed the phone first, "Hi Dad."
"Hi. Well done with the pantomime. I thought you did really well."
"What?" I said getting excited. "You were there?"
"Beth, why didn't you say that Dad was there?" I scolded.
"I didn't see him," she replied sounding a bit miffed.
"Why didn't Beth or I see you?" I asked Dad.
"Of course I was there. I would never have missed seeing your starting performance. Now, I'm in enough trouble with Mum that I went. How much more trouble do you think I'd be in if you'd seen Andrew Toms in the audience." Dad then tried to change the direction of the conversation, "Who was the girl who played the part before the interval? I only saw you in the second half."
"That was me," I replied quietly. I was slightly embarrassed that I'd played the part so femininely that my own Dad didn't recognise me. "I played the part in both halves."
"Oh, I'm sorry son. I thought it was a real girl. Looking back I can see that it was you. The voice and movement were very realistic. Who helped you, Beth?"
"No, Anna and Erika gave me a lot of help. It was Anna in the interval that pointed out that I was overacting. Beth saw somebody there called Julia. Mum just confirmed that she's a relation. You know we don't have many relations so why did you never mention her before?"
Dad paused for a moment and then sounded very unsure of what to say, "Julia has a very complex history which I'm not about to attempt to relate over the phone. When I see you and Beth next I'll explain about Julia."
"And I take it that we won't meet Julia until then?"
"I'm afraid so. Now isn't it your oboe exam on Monday?"
I chatted to Dad for another few minutes but he made it clear that Julia was not a topic that he or Mum would talk about. I said goodbye and put Beth on. I sat next to Mum while we waited for Beth to finish.
When Beth had said goodbye to Dad I went and sat next to her. By what I'd heard it sounded like Dad had told her the same as me about Julia.
"Julia shouldn't have been there," explained Mum. "It was very selfish of her. She promised that she wouldn't see you until you'd been told about her. So as Dad told you both; Julia is not a topic that either of us will discuss."
Just then the phone rang again. Again Mum answered it. "Oh hi Lisa, what wrong?" Mum then listened for a moment. "Beth just asked me about Julia. Why don't you and Lisa come down with Anna and we can discuss it. I'll ring Donald and Kathy and see if they can come with Erika also as I'm sure she'll be asking questions next."
Fifteen minutes later the Scott's and Moore's arrived. I was banished upstairs with the other three girls while the parents discussed things. Apparently when Anna had asked her Mum about Julia she'd refused to discuss it and promptly rang my Mum. While we waited the four of us debated why nobody had seen Dad and why we weren't being told anything about Julia.
After about twenty minutes we were summoned downstairs. All the comfortable seats on the settee were taken and Mum had brought in four chairs from the dining room. They were lined up together and the way they were positioned it looked like we were all in for interrogation. They all had hot drinks and it also looked like they'd been eating mince pies. Mum brought in a plate of four homemade mince pies for us.
Once we were seated Erika's Dad, Donald Moore, opened the proceedings, "Over the last two days you've all seen or heard mention of Julia. Well Julia is a relation to the Toms and she works for Planetwide. Julia is a nice lady but has an awkward background so until she has been introduced to Beth and Bill we won't discuss her. When Anna and Erika move to Milton Keynes they are also forbidden from making any contact with Andrew Toms or finding out about Julia. Any questions?"
I felt like a naughty boy being told off. I looked to my left and saw Anna and Erika looked the way I felt. When I looked to my right at Beth she looked defiant.
"This isn't fair," started Beth. "Dad leaves home and we end up without a father for no reason that you care to explain. Then we find out we have a relative called Julia that you all know about but nobody thinks it's important to tell us. Bill has a serious medical issue and while he gets support from all here, he is getting little help from Dad. He is mercilessly teased at school and being forced to play the part that he didn't even get picked for."
"We've discussed this before, Beth," said Mum not really listening to Beth. "I won't discuss why Dad moved out. I'm aware that Bill has it tough at school and I will discuss this with the school after Christmas. Keeping Dad away is for the best for both of you but especially Bill."
I decided to stick up my sister. She'd gone out on a limb and needed support, "It isn't just that we want Dad around. We are also very worried and confused; Dad got beaten up and stabbed. We just want to understand what's happening and why the man involved plans to plead not guilty due to being justified. I'm not an expert in the law but I do known that if found guilty he gets a much heavier sentence than if he pleaded guilty."
Mum just turned white as ghosts when we mentioned the stabbing. When I mentioned about him pleading not guilty she looked like she was shaking. I thought that she might have been angry that I brought this up but she just looked panicky.
"He can't do that," whispered Mum to herself in panic. "If it came out it would destroy the children's lives. When Andrew told me it almost destroyed mine."
Kathy and Lisa went to comfort my Mum whose eyes were doing very good impressions of waterfalls.
What did Marcus know about Dad that we didn't? What does Mum mean that knowing about Dad might destroy our lives? What's going on?
"What do you...." I was stopped when Mr Scott put a warning hand on my shoulder and shook his head.
Beth turned to the two male adults and said, "I'm sorry for my earlier outburst. Why don't I make up two camp beds for Anna and Erika? It looks like you've got a lot to discuss."
"Thanks Beth. I know this must be difficult," explained Mr Scott. "Where did you here about, er, the man that did this planning to not plead guilty?"
"You can call him Marcus if you want," I replied.
"Yet another fact you know. Don't worry I'm not going to ask where you get your information from. When you leave school I'll make sure there is an opening in the research department."
All four of us giggled which got another frown from Mum who had started to calm down. "You four had better head up to bed. Bill, can you give Beth a hand setting up the camp beds? They should be in the understairs cupboard. Spare bedding should be in the airing cupboard."
The second bed was folded near the back of the cupboard. As I was the smallest I volunteered to get it. As I grabbed it I forgot about the sloping roof and banged my head hard. Beth and Erika just cracked up laughing covering up my expletive.
"Are you okay?" Anna asked dragging me out as I towed the folded bed behind me.
"I'm fine," I said rubbing the banged area.
Beth and I each carried a camp bed upstairs. Wouldn't it be nice to have Anna sleeping in my room but I knew that would never happen. None of the parents had told us where the girls would sleep; I think they trusted us to do the right thing.
I placed the camp bed against the wall and went to the toilet thereby passing the decision to Beth and the girls. When I came out the camp bed was gone. I wondered into Beth's Room and they were busily trying to fit in the two beds.
Beth looked up from moving her bed and mouthed "Sorry" to me. I just shrugged and gave a week smile in reply. Erika was wrestling with the last bed and Anna was moving her bed towards the wardrobe. Anna looked up for a second and I noticed that her eyes looked moist before she busily resumed her work.
"While you finish arranging the beds I'll go and get the bedding." I said.
"I'll help," said Erika after finishing unfolding the camp bed against the far wall.
As I pulled items from the airing cupboard Erika held out her arms to let me place them there while searching for the next things. "Sorry about mentioning Marcus."
"It's okay," she said. "You needed to divert attention from Beth and none of the parents know that I gave you the information. Are you okay? You seemed upset back there?"
"I'm fine," I said trying to regain control of my emotions. I felt a slight tingle of moisture in my eyes and I blinked to try and clear my vision. "It's just I hoped," I trailed off and after a second continued, "It's nothing. I'm fine, really."
Erika's eyes opened wide in sudden realization of what I hadn't said. "It's okay Bill, I understand. I think that Anna had similar hopes. When Beth took the second bed into her room she looked rather deflated."
This cheered me up a bit though I still worried who Anna preferred so I thought I would go for broke, "Who does Anna prefer, Bill or Jill?"
Erika looked at me like I'd lost the plot, "She loves you both ways. Why do you think she lost it the first time you dressed as Jill? She still had feelings for you and she didn't understand why. Anna is only interested in boys. Sometimes you appear more relaxed as Jill. As Bill you are picked on and you never appear relaxed. When we went shopping as Jill you opened up and had fun."
"Thanks," I said with a small smile. "Just a word of warning; Anna snores really loud."
We took the bedding back to Beth's room. Beth and Anna had positioned the beds and although it would be cramped it would suffice for one night.
"I take it you will be going to church tomorrow morning?" asked Anna. When Beth nodded she continued, "Would you mind if I came with you?"
What was going on here? Anna never went to church and this would be the second Sunday in a row that she would attend. "That'll be nice," I responded.
"I'll need to nip home to get some nicer clothes for tomorrow," said Anna. "Jeans and a sweater won't do."
"We also need to get some night clothes," said Erika. "Let's go and ask if we can get what we need. We should only be gone about fifteen minutes."
I thought that if we went down the stairs quietly our parents might not hear us and we might gleam some information. Beth mustn't have been operating on the same wavelength as she bounded down the stairs sounding like a heard of elephants. The murmur of conversation stopped and Mum suddenly appeared at the door to the lounge.
"Would it be possible for Anna and Erika to nip home to get some things?" I asked Mum.
Mum leant back obviously looking at Anna's and Erika's parents for acceptance. Mr Moore's voice came with the response, "Only if they stick together."
"Mum," shouted Anna, "Would it be okay if I went with Bill to church tomorrow?"
"That's fine," said a very surprised sounding Mrs Scott as Anna had never shown an interest to go to church before last week.
While Anna and Erika went to get items they needed Beth and I made up the camp beds. We spent the time complaining to each other about not being told what was happening about Dad. We both really missed him.
Anna and Erika were soon back. They both looked tired so I left them for the night. When back in my room I set the alarm for thirty minutes earlier. With two extra girls in the house the bathroom might get busy. I had trouble sleeping as I wondered what my Dad was doing and who the mysterious Julia was. It looked like Anna had similar feelings to me but was also frightened of revealing them. I started to weep as I thought about the wonderful years I had known her and the fun things we had done together. As I wept I heard the Scott's and Moore's leave and Mum come to bed but sleep was still illusive. Eventually the tears stopped but my mind still thought about the issues I had.
It was about half one in the morning that I decided sleep wasn't going to come without help so crept downstairs and made myself a hot mug of milk. The ping from the microwave made me jump as it broke through the stillness of the night. I stood there without moving hoping that I hadn't disturbed Mum whose bedroom was immediately above the kitchen. After thirty seconds, I decided that I was safe and removed the cup of warm milk.
Just as I settled to the kitchen table I heard the kitchen door open and Mum, wrapped in her dressing gown, entered. "Do you mind it I join you?" she asked.
"Pull up a chair," I responded. "Sorry I disturbed you."
As she sat down opposite me she saw my tear stained cheeks. She got up and sat next to me and pulled me into a comforting embrace. That just charged up my emotions and resulted in a new flood of tears.
"Tell me what's wrong," Mum said as she gently stroked my hair.
"You know my body is changing and getting more feminine. It's gradual but the changes are starting to be noticeable. Beth had to make the pantomime dress not to make me more feminine but appear less. Last year I lost the only male influence in my life; my Dad, when he went to live in Milton Keynes. In just over a week Anna and Erika, my only friends my age, my lifeline to some sort of reality will disappear from my life. How can I be expected to live a life that I get no experience in living? How can I expect to learn how to be a man without some male influence and how can I learn about life as a teenager without any teenage friends. The only two people I will know are you and Beth."
Mum just sat there for a few moments as she continued to stoke my hair. Eventually she said, "Do you love Anna?" When there wasn't any response she said "I won't tell Anna."
There was another pause but I eventually said between sobs, "Yes, I've always been close and I've thought that I have for about a year. Recent events have just confirmed it. There have also been signs that she might love me. But we're only thirteen so if its true love or just puppy love I don't know."
Only the sound of my sobs and the ticking of the clock filled the room. Mum continued to gently stoke my hair, my tears soaking into her satin dressing gown.
"What about people in the orchestra? Don't you have anything in common with them?"
The continued sobs mixed with an attempted laugh caused a rather strange gurgled noise. "I might play with the people and some might respect my playing ability but we don't mix. I'm treated like a diseased animal, somebody to avoid. I might not know them all but my reputation as being somebody to avoid is very well known and very well adhered to."
We talked for quiet a while about issues but none really getting resolved. Mum was incensed when she heard that Tom had lied about who was chosen to play Widow Twanky. She was surprised that the teacher offered to cancel the show and was proud of my level-headed decision to go ahead.
As my sobbing eventually diminished I finished my milk. Mum said, "Leave the mug to me. Just go up to bed."
"Thank you for listening," I said giving my Mum a goodnight kiss. I went up and as soon as I got into bed I felt the need to relieve myself. Just typical. As I left the bedroom I heard not only Anna snoring but a voice downstairs. I crept down the stairs and heard Mum on the phone.
"I just don't know what to do Julia," said a very upset Mum. "He's so distraught. He never opens up to me and I think the only reason he did tonight was he was so close to a breakdown. He's been bottling things up such as the trouble he has at school. The only people I think he talks to is Anna and sometimes Erika. I've no idea what things are going to be like next year."
There was a pause as Mum listened to what Julia was saying, "That, I think is a last resort. For Bill to move to Milton Keynes would mean revealing everything. At the moment he is so emotionally fragile and I don't know if he would be able to cope with such a revelation."
Another pause, "No you can't go back know. This is the right thing for you and you know it. I'd rather tell Bill the truth than you destroy yourself."
I couldn't wait for the toilet any longer so crept back upstairs. When I was back in bed I thought about the telephone conversation. Why was Mum ringing Julia and not Dad? What was so terrible about Julia that they possibly could tell me? None of this made sense. The warm milk must have helped as I eventually drifted off to sleep.
The alarm rudely awoke my sleep. When I saw the time I just looked at the clock with horror. The events of last night quickly caught up with me and I remembered why I was getting up so early. I donned my dressing gown and headed for the bathroom.
When I came out of the bathroom I heard the faint sound of Beth's alarm going off so I'd timed going to the bathroom well. As I made my way back to my bedroom I saw Mum come out of her room to go downstairs. She had her own shower which greatly reduced any waiting period. I was wearing my dressing gown but hadn't put back on my pyjama trousers.
"Hi Bill, feeling better this morning?" Mum asked
"A little," I replied as I noticed my Mums eyes spot my shaven legs. How could I have been so careless?
"I see you went all out for the pantomime," said Mum with a smile as she headed downstairs.
I rushed back to my room before any of the girls emerged and got dressed. Why wasn't Mum upset about me shaving my legs? I joined Mum downstairs and decided not to push my luck by asking why she wasn't upset. Since we had guests Mum had decided to make a full English breakfast for us all. Mum already had the sausages cooking on the gas hob with the flame turned low and was busily preparing the rest. I grabbed an apron and started to slice the mushrooms.
As the girls started to appear Mum started to cook the rest and told us to sit. Beth poured five glasses of freshly squeezed orange. Mum soon had the five breakfasts ready and we all tucked in. Erika was not going to join us at church and was going to go home to pack. The forecast had been wrong and there was no new snow so clearing the drive wasn't an extra duty of the day.
At just before nine we departed. We waved goodbye to Erika as she made her way home. Once we were off the housing estate the main path through the village had been gritted so there was no chance of slipping. We got to the church about ten minutes before the start of the service. Regulars came up to Mum and said how sorry they were about Dad being ill. Mum thanked them all but never once told them that he'd been stabbed.
During the service two of my favourite modern hymns were sung, "Great is the Darkness" and "I the Lord of Sea and Sky". Since the service was so close to Christmas there were even a few carols. After the service the vicar met up with us while we were having tea and biscuits in the church hall.
"It's good to see you here today Carol," he started. "How's Andrew doing?"
"Much better thank you. He was able to get up from his sickbed on Tuesday morning. I think he will be back at work tomorrow but it depends on what the doctors say."
"Well please let him know he is still in our prayers." The vicar then turned to me and Anna. "Well it's good to see you here again, er; Anna isn't it?
"Yes it is," she replied. "It's nice to be here again. My parents move house in just over a week so I'm not sure if I will be able to attend again."
After church Beth went home. That afternoon I had another cooking lesson. Mum thought that I'd learnt enough about the region to be able to cook my first Indian dish. She had me start small by making some samosa's. She cooked Palak Paneer as the meal. Next Sunday would be Boxing Day so she decided that I would next cook on the Monday. This time I would get to cook the main meal.
I spent the rest of Sunday practicing for tomorrows impending oboe exam. The next day soon arrived. I managed to get a good night sleep and awoke ready to face the day.
At ten past nine I met Mr Small in the school reception. I had carried my oboe and a small leather folder containing my music. My rucksack with all my books in was safely stowed in my locker.
"You all ready?" he asked.
"As well as I will ever be," I responded. After putting our names in the book which informed any school staff that we would be offsite we headed for his little car.
Once there we registered ourselves with the official and awaited our turn. Only five minutes late we were both ushered into the testing room, Mr Small was accompanying me on the piano. During the pieces I occasionally glanced from the corner of my eye. The examiner was sat back and listening, which was a good sign. If she was busy writing away she would have been writing down faults. After the set pieces Mr Small left leaving me to the mercy of the examiner. I then had to play a selection of scales and arpeggios and lastly an unrehearsed piece.
"Well, how do you feel you did?" she asked.
"I messed up the first few bars of the sight reading and I played the wrong note in the second set piece. Apart from that I think most things went well." I berated myself for being too honest.
The examiner smiled. "Correct you messed up the first few bars but recovered well and didn't loose your intonation. Also I didn't notice the wrong note in the second set piece so you covered well. I am awarding you a distinction in your grade seven oboe exam. Well done Mr Toms."
"Thank you," I said smiling as I walked out of the door.
Mr Small saw my smile and said, "I take it you passed?"
"Yes, with distinction."
"Well done."
By the time I got back to school there wasn't any point in going to the lesson as there was only fifteen minutes before lunch. Mr Small signed us both in. I waited till just before the lunch bell sounded to walk to the classroom where Anna and Erika were currently being taught.
When they came out of the classroom they saw me waiting. "Did you pass?" asked Erika.
I tried to look downcast and said in a fake upset voice, "I tried my best."
Erika looked sorry for me but Anna knew me better and smiled saying, "What grade pass did you get?"
I just smiled happily that I'd fooled one of them, "Distinction."
Anna just jumped on me and gave me a hug. "Well done," she said giving me a quick kiss on the lips. When she realised what she'd done she let go and rushed into the nearest toilets.
I turned to Erika, "What's wrong with Anna?"
She grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the wall where it was quieter, "You may look good as Jill but you've still got a lot to learn."
"Huh?"
"Anna has had feelings for you for a while but has never shown them," explained Erika. "Now in her excitement for you she's let you see that she cares. She's embarrassed as half the class saw and she doesn't know what to do."
"Why don't you go and talk with her," I said. "I'll go to lunch and sit in the far corner. Therefore if she doesn't want to be near me then she can avoid me without missing lunch. After I've eaten I'll be in one of the music practice rooms to practice for Thursday's concert."
Erika went to find Anna and I had lunch. Anna and Erika didn't make an appearance during lunch so I went to practice in one of the two practice rooms.
After about five minutes into the practice the door opened and Beth walked in. "I hear congratulations are in order."
"How did you know I passed?"
"Oh did you? Well done. No I'm talking about the kiss from Anna. Heard it lasted for a good minute and tongues were involved."
"I told her I passed and she gave me a hug and inadvertently a peck on the lips. She then ran into the ladies and I've not seen her since."
Beth just set off laughing. I suppose it was funny to other people but I certainly wasn't seeing any humour. She saw my downcast face and ruffled my hair and said, "It'll be okay. Erika will sort her out."
Beth left to try and straighten out the rumour. I attempted to practice but I couldn't concentrate on the music; my mind kept thinking about Anna. When the bell signalling the end of lunch rang, Anna still hadn't appeared. Since registration was just round the corner I took my time putting the oboe away.
When I got to registration most people were already seated. A few wolf whistles sounded as I entered. Some made comments such as "Hello lover boy" and "I thought you were gay".
I just felt sad that an innocent display of affection would cause such a response. I'd suffered enough with teasing without getting any more. I sat sullenly in my seat next to Anna who was already there.
"You okay?" I quietly asked.
"Think so," she replied.
She slipped me a piece of paper which I glanced at. "Can you come round at seven?"
"I'll be there," I promised.
The rest of the day passed quickly. With school ending the next day nobody was paying much attention to the classes so the teachers didn't do much teaching.
More [A Strange Attraction to Concrete Cows]
by Karen Page
Edited by Angel O'Hare
Chapter 8
After I'd eaten and helped cleared up I went to see Anna. Mum didn't have any problems about me going there and said that it would be nice to help them pack.
Since lunch the weather appeared to have warmed up and the snow had started to melt. At this rate there wouldn't be any snow left tomorrow let alone on Christmas day. The sound of trickling water entering the roadside drains accompanied the slushing sound of the occasional passing car.
When I got to Anna's it was Mrs Scott that let me in. I'd just hung up my coat on the coat hooks to the left of the door when Mrs Scott asked, "Do you know what's wrong with Anna. When she said you were coming I made her something to eat early but she hardly ate anything and then shut herself in her room. Normally if she was upset about something she would talk to me. This time, however, she won't tell me a thing."
"Perhaps she's upset about leaving," I said not wanting to mention about the kiss. "She asked me to come tonight to discuss some things and I thought I would help her pack."
"George's job is moving to Milton Keynes so we don't have any choice but to move," she said reaffirming the decision.
"I blame those concrete cows," I said trying to lighten the mood. "I lost my Dad to Milton Keynes last year and now I will loose Anna." I paused for a second and then asked, "Can I go up?"
Mrs Scott just nodded, still worrying about her only child.
Anna's door was shut so I gently knocked and said, "Hi Anna, its Bill."
"Come in," she replied.
When I opened the door Anna was lying on her bed and it looked like she'd been crying. Her main light was off and her room was illuminated by her bed side lamp. I softly closed the door, ensuring that it didn't slam, and went across to the bed.
"What's wrong Anna?" I asked as I took a seat next to her bed.
"Nutin'," she responded despondently.
I saw a fresh tear slip down her smooth unblemished cheek. I reached across and gently wiped it away. "You asked me to visit. I take it you didn't ask Erika as well?"
"No."
"Let me go and get a glass of water," I said. "That should help you calm down a bit. Then, if you want, you can talk or, if you're not ready for that, I can help you pack."
"Thanks," she replied and before I could go she asked, "What was the English translation of the poem you read?"
My face turned bright red. I knew that Anna would ask me about the poem and was dreading giving her the slip of paper that I'd been carrying in my pocket. I fished in my pocket and removed a folded piece of paper. I unfolded it and held it out to Anna.
"Will you read it to me?" she asked. "My eyes are blurred with all the crying."
"Okay," I said reluctantly, my red face turning a ghostly white.
In the arms of love we fell blissfully asleep;
at the open window the summer wind listened
and carried the peacefulness of our breath
out into the bright, moonlit night.
And out of the garden, feeling its way randomly,
the scent of roses came to our bed of love
and gave us wonderful dreams,
dreams of intoxication, rich with yearning.
I slipped out of Anna's room before she could respond and made my way downstairs. I wonder what she thought of the poem. Her small smile as I left might have indicated she did. What had upset Anna so much? Was it the move or was it the kiss? When I thought of that kiss I started to feel a bit fuller in my underwear. I desperately fought to gain control of my emotions as I saw Mr Scott had just arrived home.
"Hi, Mr Scott." I said.
Mrs Scott had just walked out of the lounge asked me, "How's Anna?"
"She's mostly cried out. Is it okay if I grab a glass of water for Anna?"
"Help yourself," she said, knowing I knew where everything was. "Take up a plate of biscuits as well. Has she told you what's upset her?"
"No, but I think it just a few things have caught up with her. Don't worry," I said trying to reassure her. Mr Scott, who had only just come in put his arm round her and steered her back to the lounge.
I put two glasses of water and the plate of biscuits on a tray and returned to Anna's room. This time I didn't knock but just entered. As I entered I saw Anna had been trying to clear the tears away with several tissues. Anna sat up and I saw her start to shiver. I put down the tray and took a thick jumper that was neatly folded in her wardrobe.
"Here put this on," I said handing her the jumper.
"Thanks," she responded as she pulled it over her head.
"Your Mum's worried about you, and so am I."
"Sorry," she said looking like she was going to cry again.
"Let's sit on the floor and have some of these biscuits your Mum insisted that I bring up."
I put the tray on the floor and I sat down next to where Anna sat. Anna looked like she wanted to talk but every time she opened her mouth no words came out. I shuffled a little closer and poor Anna looked a bit scared.
"Sorry," I said moving back. "I didn't mean to scare you. I just wanted you to know I was here if you wanted comfort."
"Thanks," she said her voice slightly croaky, "sorry."
I picked up a biscuit, "Let me guess. You have something you want to talk about but you're not sure how to say it. You've been thinking about what to say since you've got home and you're still unsure."
Anna just nodded.
"But that's not all, is it? Are you also frightened that it might ruin our friendship?"
Anna gave a faint "Yes" as well as nodding.
"I'd never do anything to hurt you," I said and then almost as a whisper, "I love you too much."
I just hoped that what Erika had said was correct. If not I must certainly weakened our friendship.
Anna obviously heard what I'd said as she looked up and gazed into my eyes. She just looked at me, her own face one of total surprise. In a tiny unsure voice she queried, "You do?"
"Yes, I have felt this way for a few years. I hoped that the poem would have made that clear."
"Years?" she wondered. All the worry about my reaction evaporated from the stress of the evening suddenly erupted into a flood of tears. I scooped her into my arms and with her sitting on my lap I gently rocked her as she buried her head into my neck.
Time became irrelevant. Anna could have cried for five minutes or five hours, I wouldn't have known and I didn't care. Anna now knew my feelings and I knew hers. We were together at last. I whispered reassuring words to her which eventually calmed her down. The German poem I'd read last week in class became reality as we both fell into a blissful sleep and our dreams were rich with yearning.
Our isolation from the world came to an abrupt end when Mrs Scott came into Anna's room. Anna didn't stir but my eyes opened to see Mrs Scott standing there looking at Anna asleep in my arms.
I expected her to be angry with me but she just asked, "Is Anna okay? We heard quite a bit of crying"
"I think so," I whispered back. "She's let out some of the things she's been bottling up."
Mrs Scott just looked relieved. "I've known you for ten years and know you both can be trusted. Please behave."
"We will," I replied as she closed the door behind her.
A little bit later Anna stirred and wriggled slightly in my lap, my arms still holding her as she nestled into me. After what might have been eternity, but was only a few minutes, she lifted her head from me and her eyes slowly opened. Her eyes shimmered like sapphires as she gazed into mine.
"Hi," I said as her smile sent my heart soaring. "Sleep well?"
"Mmmm," was her only response as she rested her head against my shoulder. I continued to rock her.
After a few minutes of rocking she again lifted her head and looked me in the eyes her smile warmed my soul. She leaned forward and kissed me on the lips. I was taken by surprise but then tenderly returned the kiss. Reluctantly and slowly our lips parted and all my cares in the world disappeared. Anna said something but it didn't register. I just couldn't put words together as my brain just didn't want to engage. My heart was racing and my whole body just felt like jelly.
"You okay?" Anna asked as I eventually returned to some sort of existence.
"Yeah, why?" I asked puzzled at her concerned expression.
"It's just that you seemed to disappear for about thirty seconds. You didn't respond to anything."
"I'm fine," I reassured her, a happy contented smile on both our faces, "that was some kiss."
"Just a reminder that it's quarter to ten," called Mrs Scott's voice from the landing.
"Thanks," called back Anna getting up from my lap. I just wanted to continue kissing. Anna must have had similar thoughts as she said, "Why don't you come round tomorrow night. But we must get some packing done."
As we straightened our clothes we were just grinning at each other. Anna giggled as she said, "It's a good job that Mum didn't catch us."
"Your Mum walked in while we were dozing. Her opening the door woke me up."
"Oh no, she's going to freak!"
"She was just relieved that you were okay," I said giving her hands a reassuring squeeze. "She didn't appear to mind and said that she trusted us. Now let's go and wash our faces then go and face her."
After we both made a quick bathroom visit we walked hand-in-hand down to Anna's parents.
"It's about time," was the initial comment from a smiling Mrs Scott. "You two have been nearly boyfriend/girlfriend for years. I'm just upset that it had to wait till now."
"Sorry I was sleeping with Bill," murmured Anna.
"You're sorry you were caught or sorry that you did it," asked Mr Scott.
"Er...well," stuttered Anna.
"Stop teasing the poor girl," scalded Mrs Scott. "She'd had an emotional time and was exhausted. They both had their clothes on and I trust them both to behave. Bill's been alone in Anna's room often enough and I believe that they won't engage in inappropriate behaviour," and then turning to us asked, "Will you?"
Well it wasn't really a question. More like looking for confirmation which we both duly gave.
"Bill, you've ten minutes to get home," reminded Mr Scott.
"Thanks," I said standing up. "I was going to help Anna pack a few boxes but that plan appears to have gone out the windows. Can I come and help her tomorrow evening?"
"Sure," replied Mrs Scott.
I walked to front door with Anna still holding my hand. "Take care," she said after we broke from kissing. I had less than five minutes to get home.
When I walked through the door my mum poked her head out from the lounge. She took one look and ordered me into the lounge. As I went in I asked, "Where's Beth?"
"She's upstairs just finishing wrapping some presents."
"I'm not late am I?"
"No, another few minutes and you might have been."
"So why do you want to chat?" I asked puzzled.
"I thought there might be something that you want to tell me." I must have looked blank as Mum continued, "Did you get much packing done."
That just brought back more memories of Anna being in my arms. "Well we didn't actually get round to packing anything. But we will try again tomorrow night."
Just then the phone went and Mum, who had the cordless phone next to her, answered. After a few pleasantries she said, "Yes Anna, Bill got home okay." She paused for a few seconds. "That should be fine."
When Mum had hung up she turned to me and said, "Anna sends her love and her Mum has invited you to dinner tomorrow night."
My face turned crimson as my Mum watched my reaction with delight. "About time you two got together. Make the most of the time you've got left together; so since school is ending tomorrow I'll extend your curfew to eleven. I'll tell Beth that she also has an increased deadline. I'll talk with Lisa tomorrow but I won't put any new restrictions on the two of you. I trust you both to behave."
"Thanks Mum," I said getting up and giving her a hug. "Mrs Scott said the same."
"Now off to bed as its school tomorrow. I don't care if it's the last day of term and you won't do much work."
I kissed her good night and went to bed. Sleep didn't come easily as I just thought about Anna and how good it felt to have her in my arms.
***
The next day I woke to the feeling of excitement. What would today at school with Anna hold? At breakfast something must have given me away as Beth gently teased me.
I was just putting on my coat when the door bell rang. I ran to the door and Anna was standing there. Erika was stood at the end of the drive.
"You ready?" Anna asked.
"Let me just grab my bag," I said.
As I left the house I we shared a quick good morning kiss and we both joined Erika who was looking a bit left out.
"Hi Bill," she said unsure how to treat me.
I just linked my arm through hers and said, "Hi Erika. Just because Anna and I are together we aren't going to do anything to destroy both our friendship with you."
Anna took my cue and linked arms on the other side, "And we won't do anything like kiss in front of you."
At school Mr Abbots took me aside during the first break. "Just so you are aware Tom has been dropped from playing for the school football team for a month."
"Is that all?" I asked incredulously. There were very little matches due to the Christmas break so he might be dropped for one game.
"A more severe punishment was discussed," explained Mr Abbots, "but it required parental permission which Tom's father refused."
"But why only a month?"
"Well I pushed for longer as what he did had quite a high impact on you. However Mr Plant, the sports master, argued that the misdemeanour itself was quite small."
"I lost many hours of time preparing for the play," I fumed, "It would only be fair if Tom lost the same amount of time."
"I know," sympathised Mr Abbots, "but it is now out of my hands."
The rest of the day passed quickly. Erika soon got over her initial worries as I avoided treating Anna differently from normal. Anna was also sensible about Erika's worries and they spent time together as per normal.
I went home as per normal to get changed and was soon at Anna's. Erika was just leaving and told me to have fun. Neither of Anna's parents was home yet so after a session of kissing and cuddling we decided to pack some of Anna's belongings.
"Shall I do the books, while you tackle the CD's?" I asked.
"Sounds good," she replied, "Dad has some small boxes downstairs."
When she came back I was surprised at the smallness of there size. "Why so small?" I asked
"Fill one with books," she said. "Then try and lift it."
I did as she said and I now understood. The box was heavy. If the box had been any bigger it would be too heavy to move. I tested the box she'd created full of CD's and that was equally heavy.
The evening passed quickly. At the meal Anna's parents treated me just like a member of the family. As Mrs Scott had done the cooking Anna and I did the washing up.
As the evening progressed we managed to pack most of her room. Only what she needed, such as clothes, were not packed. When it was time to go home her room was looking a lot less personal. The walls were bare, her cupboard now only containing her clothes. Well not quite just her clothes, it also contained the outfit I'd bought the other week. It was the very dress and jacket that I would be wearing tomorrow.
When it was time to leave my heart sank. I would love to spend the night, even if it was in the spare room. However the spare room now contained the contents of the loft, which Mrs Scott was busy labelling. I dreaded the Scott's moving as I would no longer see Anna. However I still had the silly feeling that it wouldn't be long before we were back together.
The next day was the first day of the Christmas school holidays. I awoke to it pouring with rain. Since I was due to be Jill I fumbled at the back of one of my draws and retrieved one of my panties. To save time at Anna's I decided to wear it all day. As I stumbled down the stairs Mum was just finishing of her breakfast.
"Morning Bill," she said smiling. "You do know you don't have school don't you. You are allowed a lie in."
"Ha ha," I replied. "I'm planning on going shopping with Anna. She said that there are a few things she needs."
"Well don't forget your eating here tonight so please be home for five."
With Mum gone and Beth still enjoying extra sleep I donned the bra and added a baggy jumper to cover it up. At nine I was knocking on Anna's door.
"Hi," she said allowing me in. When the door was closed we passionately kissed. When we parted she continued, "I've got your dress out. Your makeup is in the small makeup case on the bed."
Anna stayed downstairs as I got ready. I removed my clothes and hid them in Anna's wardrobe. After putting on the outfit, including the laid out tights and shoes, I sat down to brush my hair and apply my makeup. The practice I'd had in applying makeup for the pantomime had paid off. At first I applied the makeup rather thickly, like I required for the play. I reapplied it rather subtly and I think I looked acceptable. I placed on the shoes and walked down the stairs. One thing that I had become quite proficient at was walking in heels.
"Can I borrow one of your coats?" I asked putting on my female voice.
"Er yes," she said staring at me.
"You okay?" I said taking one of her coats from the hook by the front door.
"Yeah," she replied not looking at me. "Let's go shall we." She opened the front door and saw it was still raining. "Do you want to borrow a brolly?"
"Please."
We walked to the bus and fortunately we didn't have to wait very long before one arrived. During the walk to the bus stop and on the bus I tried to engage Anna in conversation but something was clearly wrong as she was unusually quiet.
When we got to Wolverhampton and into the dry of the shopping centre I manoeuvred her onto a bench. "What's wrong? You've hardly spoken to me since we left and you won't even hold my hand."
"I'm sorry," she said. "I'm not sure what's going on. When you're dressed like that I see you as a girl and I don't know how to relate to you."
"It's okay," I said taking her hand. She pulled her hand back in alarm.
"Sorry," she apologised when her automatic reaction registered.
"Let's do the shopping and go home," I suggested. "The middle of the mall is not a good place to discuss this. Just treat me as you do Erika then you should be okay."
"I can't treat you like Erika. I know who you are and my heart aches for you. However, my head stops me and I don't know why."
"Okay," I said standing up. "You said you needed to get some girly things so lets do it."
"Well actually the things are for you," she confessed. "I realised that Jill didn't have any shoes and a coat. With you thinking that one day you might need to live as a girl I thought that you shouldn't lose the skills you've developed. Jill would look odd wearing a pair of Bill's shoes."
"I don't want to look odd or stand out," I agreed.
I thought that getting a pair of shoes would be easy. Anna's fitted nicely but trying to find a pair that I was happy with took time. Going into shoe shops was quite a relief as most people were too busy buying last minute gifts. Shoes for parties had, for most people, already been purchased leaving the shoe shops less busy than normal.
In the third shop the ideal pair of shoes was found which just left the coat.
"I know where to go," said Anna who was still nervous about showing affection but her spirit was being lifted by her love for shopping. Anna steered us towards the far end of the mall.
"Hi Jill. Hi Anna," came a familiar voice from my left.
Both of us stopped and looked around. The people who where behind nearly tripped over us and went off muttering nasty things.
"Hi Beth," I said walking towards my sister after spying her by the entrance to WH Smiths. "You decided to get up then?"
"It the holidays," she said feigning being upset, "you don't have to get up as early as school days."
Anna and I just exchanged glances and giggled. Beth is one cool sister to have. One annoying feature of Beth is her ability to see what's going on around her. "Are you two okay? You don't seem the same lovey-dovey couple that I've seen the last few days."
I looked upset and Anna just looked embarrassed.
"Jill, I think they have that new book you were looking for. Why don't you have a look while I have a word with Anna?"
I wasn't after a book but I took my cue and left them alone. I knew Beth wouldn't interfere, well not too much, but she was just making sure that I wasn't hurt. I mooched round the store unsure how long to stay away for. I did spot a DVD that I thought looked good and after a few moments deliberation decided to buy it. I almost regretted it when I saw the ten minute queue. After being in the store for about twenty minutes I made my way out.
"Look after my little sis," said Beth to Anna as she walked off.
"Are you okay?" I asked Anna concerned what had been said between Beth and Anna. I knew Beth wouldn't have been violent but still I wanted to be sure.
"I'm fine," she said giving me a small smile. "Beth and I just had a little chat about some of my feelings. I'll tell you when we get home. Now let's get you that coat"
With the coat purchased I remembered I only had the garish tights from the pantomime so I got some of those along with some girl's socks. In recent years I hadn't been clothes shopping and now I'd been twice. I don't know if it was due to being with somebody I loved but I was having great fun.
What I thought was a shopping trip for Anna had turned out to be a trip for Jill. It was very kind of Anna to make sure that I was equipped for the future. As we got onto the bus I couldn't help wonder what Beth had said to Anna. Since then Anna had not been as withdrawn. They hadn't held hands like normal and there definitely hadn't been any kissing. No if anything it was like how they had used to be, very good friends on the cusp of romance.
Anna moved towards the rear of the almost empty bus. Most people were still arriving rather than go home. I took the window seat and Anna slid in next to me. When the bus set off there was nobody sitting near us. I could see that Anna was mulling over things and I knew from experience that it was best not to disturb her thoughts when she was like this.
While I waited for her to finish her contemplations my mind began to drift to next week when Anna would leave. This was something that we both dreaded. I knew that people move all the time but why did it have to happen to me?
My thoughts were interrupted by Anna slipping her hand into mine. I looked across and saw her smile.
"Sorry about earlier," she whispered. "I love you."
"Who?" I asked in a hushed voice, "Bill or Jill?"
"Both. I love you both."
by Karen Page
Edited by Angel O'Hare
Chapter 9
Friday, Christmas Eve, dragged. I hadn't seen Anna all day. She was busy helping her Mum, who finished her job the previous day, pack some of the remaining items. I wanted to help but I'd spent so much time with them that I hadn't managed to wrap any of my Christmas presents. Most of the morning, therefore, was spent wrapping. When I came to wrap Anna's present I took special care with the wrapping, putting a big red ribbon to make it look that little bit extra special.
I'd purchased Anna's and Erika's present a few weeks previous but had decided to get something a bit extra. Last night I was playing with the counties concert wind band at a shopping mall. During a break from playing I managed to purchase something for her to remember me with.
Mum arrived back at twelve from the shops. She'd left for the supermarket at six this morning. I knew things would be busy but I wasn't expecting it to take that long.
"Bill," called Mum. "Can you give me a hand?"
I trouped out and helped her carry in several plastic bags full of shopping. Then I spied a big open top box on the back seat. Inside was a huge turkey.
"Isn't that turkey a little big for just the three of us?"
"It won't just be the three of us this year. We're having visitors."
"Is Dad coming?" I asked getting excited. "I know how he hated eating alone last year. Is he bringing Julia?"
"No, your Dad isn't coming," replied Mum her face falling.
I thought that she was going to burst into tears so I rushed over and gave her a hug. "I'm sorry Mum. You really miss him don't you?"
Mum just nodded as we carried the box into the kitchen. After a moment of silence I asked, "So who is coming?"
"The Scott's and the Donald's. I invited them when I found out about them moving between Christmas and New Year. I didn't think it would be very merry in a bare house surrounded with boxes."
"No wonder you got such a big turkey," I said. "Ten is a lot to cook for. Would you like some help?"
"Always offering to help," smiled Mum. "Thanks, but I should be able to manage. I could do with some help with some of the preparation during this afternoon."
My face fell for a second as I had hoped to go to Anna's this afternoon. Then I perked up as I thought about helping make Christmas special for the girl I loved. "No problem Mum. Let me help put all of this away and then after lunch I'll gladly help."
Mum turned up the dimmer as the closing credits of A Christmas Carol came up. Patrick Stewart hadn't done a bad rendition of Ebenezer Scrooge but I still think that Alistair Sim is the best. We leave for church at eleven so we had two hours to kill. Perhaps we should turn over and watch Chocolat but it finished at five to eleven so that wouldn't give me much time to get ready.
"Will you both please put up the camp bed," requested Mum making the choice not to watch Chocolat for me. "We will have a guest staying overnight."
"You can get it out this time," I told Beth. "My head still hurts from last time."
Beth just burst out in laughter remembering what had happened. "No problem little bro, I'll get it out."
Beth then turned to Mum and asked, "Which room should we put it in?"
Mum actually stopped to ponder. This surly couldn't be a difficult decision was it? Males went in with me and females in with Beth. "It's up to you," she replied baffling both me and Beth. "You could put it in either room really. I'll leave it up to you."
Beth and I just looked at each other in wonder both of us failing to understand what was going on. In our baffled state none of us thought the obvious question about asking who was staying. Instead I asked, "Is the person male or female?"
"Female," responded Mum with a small smile.
"Well then we will put her in Beth's room," I decided. I wonder if Mum has had too much to drink after the meal.
While Beth rummaged under the stairs for the camp bed I found the bedding in the airing cupboard. I was starting to get quite good at making up camp beds. You don't use them for a year and this is the second time in under a week.
At ten Beth and I were playing a game of scrabble. As usual Beth was getting better words than me but I was placing mine in more strategic positions so was slightly ahead. The doorbell rang and Beth got up to see who was knocking at this time of night.
"No Beth," said Mum. "I think that Bill should go."
Wondering what Mum was playing at I opened the front door. There shining as if she were the actual Christmas angel stood Anna. I stood aside to let her in. As the door closed Anna dropped her bag and jumped into my arms. When eventually we separated I noticed that she was wearing some smart clothes.
"Are you coming to church with us tonight?"
"Yes. I spoke with my parents last Sunday about it and they discussed things with your Mum. My parents have never really been church goers so they find this a bit strange. However they support my choice and thought it would be nice to accompany you."
"Do you want to go because of me or because you want to go to church?" I asked.
"A bit of both," she said after a moments thought. "I like being with you and went the first time to keep you company. I found the service interesting and some of what was said made sense. I'd like to go to make up my mind and Christmas is supposed to be about the birth of Jesus so here I am."
"So why are you staying overnight?"
"Well I'm going in the morning with you as well."
"Let's take your bag up," I suggested. Then it dawned on me, Mum gave me the opportunity to have Anna sleep in my room.
"I'll be right back," I said to Anna as I strode towards the lounge.
"How could you Mum," I said.
She just smiled and said, "Thank you for not disappointing me and the Scott's. Like I said, we trust you both."
"Ahhhh," I mock screamed with frustration which just caused Mum and Beth to laugh.
I leaned over to Beth and said, "Well you'll have to put up with her snoring." This stopped Beth laughing and I just laughed at the look of anguish on her face.
I left Beth and Mum alone and went to help Anna unpack her overnight bag. “I hear you’re coming to lunch tomorrow.”
“Yes. It will seem strange not seeing my parents until lunch time and not opening my presents till we go home.”
“How did your parents feel about you staying?”
“They understood that this is something I wanted to do. As you know they’ve always been one for me choosing what I want in life.”
“Like when you wanted to take ballet lessons?” I teased. That just resulted in Anna sticking out her tongue at me.
"I brought down your clothes," she said referring to Jill's clothes. I took them and placed them at the back of my wardrobe.
At just before eleven we all were in our smart clothes and piled into Mums car for the short journey to church. The air was quite warm and didn’t feel very Christmassy. The images on the front of the Christmas cards really gave the wrong impression of Christmas. It was never white during Christmas. Mum told me the other day that the last real Christmas with snow on the ground was in 1981.
When we got to the church it was already starting to fill. There were a lot of non regulars attending which swelled the numbers and just before half eleven the church was nearly full.
Just before the service started I remembered something I meant to chat with Anna about. “Anna I know that you’re not confirmed. I meant to talk with you earlier about this but you can still go up for blessing.”
“I’d feel funny doing that,” she replied. “What would the vicar think?”
“Dad didn’t get confirmed until he was in his late twenties,” I stated. “Also I heard that vicars feel it is an honour. By going and asking for a blessing you are personally asking the vicar to act as a conduit.”
“But what will everyone else say?”
“This is about your relationship with Jesus not anybody else’s. If you go to the communion rail or not is up to you. Just remember there are a lot of non regulars here tonight and not all of them will have been confirmed.”
I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and let the subject drop. I always loved this Midnight Communion service as it is a service of celebration and hope. At midnight the verger lit the last advent candle and Christmas day had begun. This was my second Christmas without my Dad and the first with somebody not from our family.
When we arrived home we were all tired. “Go on up,” Mum told all three of us.
As I went into my room and I heard Anna say to Beth, “I just want to say goodnight to Bill. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”
I was in the process of removing my tie when Anna walked in. “Merry Christmas,” she said giving me a tender but firm kiss. I like those kisses.
“Thanks for earlier,” she said. “You know what you talked to me about in church. You were right the vicar was totally unfazed about me going for a blessing.”
We talked for another few minutes until we heard Beth finish in the bathroom.
“Goodnight,” I said giving Anna a kiss. “See you later today.”
***
In the morning we just had a light breakfast of orange juice and cereal. It was pointless to have much more as Christmas day lunch would fill us up till New Year. After attending church again we all came home to open the presents.
Anna looked a bit down so I asked, “What’s wrong? You seem a bit upset.”
“Nothing really. I’m glad I stayed and went to church but I feel a bit left out. All my presents are waiting at home.”
“Not all,” Mum said. “Bill has some presents here for you. See the pile of presents under the tree. Well all the children help divide them up into individual piles. Why don’t I leave all three of you to sort them out while I check on the turkey?”
As she walked out of the door she said, “And no opening them till I’m back!”
We all scrambled onto the floor and started sorting them out. Suddenly there was a loud shriek from Anna.
“What wrong?” I said worried as tears streamed down her face.
“Some of these are for me from my family,” she said happily. “Dad must have snuck them down.”
I then realised that they were tears of joy, not sadness. As we sorted the presents I came across the ones from me to her. I passed them to her and gave her a quick kiss.
“Can I open it now?” she asked looking ready to rip the paper off.
“NO!” screeched Beth and me simultaneously. “Mum will go spare if we open them when she’s not here.”
“Okay,” she said reluctantly putting them onto her pile.
Just as we finished dividing the presents out the door bell rang. “Can you get that Bill,” asked Mum.
I looked at the clock and it was two early for the Scott’s or Moore’s. Who could this be? May be it was Dad? Then on second thoughts Mum had categorically said that he wasn’t coming.
I walked to the front door accompanied by Anna. As I opened it I heard Mr and Mrs Scott cheerfully greet us both with a “Merry Christmas.”
Anna virtually jumped into their arms. I knew that she’d missed them. “What are you doing here this early?” a bewildered Anna asked her parents.
“It wouldn’t be Christmas if we didn’t watch you open your presents.”
I ushered them into the lounge where Mum had reappeared. All the presents were separated into areas.
When Anna opened her present from me she gasped and flung herself into my arms. It was a silver photo frame with a picture of me and Anna. Written in the bottom left were the words, "To Anna, All my love for always. Bill."
I found her present to me and she just burst into a fit of giggles as I began to open it. Nestled inside a mountain of wrapping paper was an identical silver photo frame. The picture inside however was a different one of us together at one of Planetwide's family events. Anna was wearing a rather fetching red velvet cushioned dress. I remember her wearing it as it used to drive my then undeclared feelings wild. I took her in my arms and gave Anna another big kiss much to Mum's amusement.
My parents had given me a mobile phone. When Beth opened her present she had an identical phone. My parents had always said that they didn't believe in children having mobiles so this was quite a surprise.
"What made you change your mind about us having a mobile?" I asked.
"With Anna and Erika leaving you probably will go out alone. That didn't used to be a problem as there were always plenty of pay phones. With such a widespread mobile phone use BT are removing some of them. A mobile will make sure you can contact me or in a real emergency Dad.
Soon all the presents were open and the lounge cleared of the torn wrapping paper. Just before Christmas lunch the Donald's appeared and the day passed with lots of exuberance. The only strange thing was when the Christmas pudding was brought out. Mum poured some brandy over the pudding and set it alight.
Erika, who was sitting to my left, leaned across and whispered, "You still eat it after that?"
I gave a small giggle, "Of course. It's just a part of the tradition. It doesn't burn the pudding."
"Okay," she said doubtfully.
Beth took the pudding back to the kitchen and served it into bowls. She brought them in with a jug of brandy sauce. Erika picked at her pudding until she saw her parents eating theirs with gusto and she tucked in. After the mince pies and Christmas cake everyone was very much over fed.
The Donald's and Scott's eventually left about nine that night. It was one of the days since Dad had left, well apart from Anna sleeping on my lap!
***
The days passed quickly and I saw little of Erika or Anna as they prepared for their move. I wanted to help but the thought of Anna leaving was too much for me. I just cooked lots of cakes to try and take my mind off the fateful day. Mum was always there to listen to me when I got too upset. She had taken the days between Christmas and New Year as holidays so she would be there when Erika and Anna left
On the Wednesday it was time for Erika to leave. At half ten I wandered up to Erika's house. The day was crisp and dry rather like the days since Christmas. Outside of the house was parked a large lorry and three removal men were carrying the last remaining boxes out.
I didn't see Anna wander up and the first thing I new about her presence was when she slipped her hand into mine. We just watched in silence as the Donald's life was packed into a lorry. We'd known Erika for just over a year. In that time she had much to adjust to. We might speak the same language but there was a lot for her to adjust to.
My thoughts however weren't on Erika. They were on Anna's impending move. We'd known each other for most of our lives and now she would be gone. Watching Erika move was like watching Anna move twice. I think Anna must have thought the same as we both started to cry and our grips on each others hands tightened.
The lorry slowly pulled away and we walked slowly towards the house. As we approached Mrs Donald signalled that we could go into the house. It was empty. We stood just inside the entrance as Erika misty eyed walked around the house obviously remembering things that had occurred during the year she'd been there.
Eventually she noticed us standing there watching. She wandered up trying to keep control of her emotions and Anna let go of my hand. We all embraced into a group hug and Erika's barriers crumbled. We sobbed on each others shoulders until we were interrupted by Mr Donald.
"Erika its time to go," he gently said.
We released each other and Erika gave me a tight hug, "Thanks for being my friend," she whispered into my ear. I hope we see each other again."
"Me to," I said tears still running down my cheeks, "Me to."
We all left the house and Anna and I stood at the end of the drive once again hand in hand giving each other as much comfort as we could. Erika climbed into the car as Mr Donald secured the house for the final time. We waved as the car started and slowly drove out of view.
We stood there silently in remembrance of our friend. Then we set off together. Neither of us had told the other; it just happened. Soon we were walking along a long abandoned canal; the aroma of the stagnant waters weren't as oppressive as in the heat of the summer. The week glow of the sun occasionally gleamed through the bare branches of the trees. The dry leaves that still covered the ground acted as a good blanket and we settled down to relax.
When we grew up this used to be our favourite hideaway. Hardly anybody came down the old towpath especially during the winter. Anna looked tired and didn't appear to have been sleeping well. I patted my thigh and Anna giving a smile sat on it. We snuggled and kissed as I gently rocked my love.
I opened my eyes to a strange warbling sound. I looked up and saw that the sun had changed positions and was now low in the sky. We must have fallen asleep. The insistent ringing of the phone eventually woke Anna, who for once hadn't been snoring, opened her eyes and stretched just as the phone stopped ringing.
She giggled and said, "You missed it."
"Appears so," I responded giving her a little tickle.
She moved off my lap and a rubbed my numb legs. I fished out the phone from my pocket and peered at the screen. It showed "1 Missed Call". I investigated further and found out it was our home. I returned the call.
"Hi Mum," I said as she finished her greeting.
"I just wondered if Anna wanted to join us for tea."
I glanced at my watch as saw it was three. In about an hour it would be going dark.
"Do you want to eat with us tonight?" I asked Anna who was now stood up and brushing leaves that had stuck to her jeans.
"That would be nice. It’s a bit depressing at home with everything packed."
I put the phone back to my face and said to Mum, "If that’s okay then she'd love to."
With the phone again stored in my pocket I stood and we made our way back towards civilisation. With the sun low in the sky we didn't want to be caught in the dark so close to water. Memories of Mums reaction when, aged eight, I came home dripping wet were still strong and I didn't want a repeat lecture.
We made our way through the centre of the village and we chatted about some of the things we had done. We’d both missed lunch so I purchased a small cake for each of us from the bakery. It was just enough to quell the hunger pangs but not spoil our appetite.
People we knew from school saw us walk through the village but we were left alone. The temperature was dropping and a slight frost was developing on some of the cars parked along the roadside.
When we got home we were beginning to feel the cold and were glad to enter the warmth of the house. Mum as per usual popped her head round the door as we entered and ushered us both into the lounge where she turned on the gas fire. Soon the coals were glowing and we sat dangling our now bare feet to warm them up.
The last evening we would spend together passed all too quick. Mum and Beth gave us the privacy we wanted and we spent the time in the lounge enjoying being together. As the chime of the wall clock struck nine Mum knocked on the door and said, "Anna should go back soon as she has a lot to do tomorrow."
"Okay," Anna and I replied simultaneously.
We spent the next few minutes kissing but soon we knew we couldn't put off Anna going any longer.
"I'll walk you back," I offered as we put our coats on.
"Thanks", she replied.
We stepped into the hall where we saw Mum walking down the stairs.
"I'm just walking Anna home," I informed Mum.
"It's been a real pleasure knowing you," said Mum to Anna as they both embraced.
"Thanks," was all Anna could say as again she burst into tears. I put my arms around her and comforted her. Mum wandered into the lounge leaving us alone.
When Anna had calmed down we walked up to her house. As she went in I saw boxes everywhere. The coat hook in the hall had gone and it looked more like a shell. It was no longer the warm home that I'd known. The photographs that donned the lounge were no longer there and all that was left were bare walls.
I said a quick goodbye as being in here was making me depressed. This was a place that would soon be somebody else's home.
I walked home in a sombre mood knowing what tomorrow would bring. I know life must change but I'd had enough change already when Dad moved away. Why did I have to loose my girlfriend as well?
When I got home I just went straight to bed. I was glad that I didn't see Mum or Beth. As I snuggled under the duvet I reflected on life and gently sobbed into my pillow. My life as I knew it would never be the same. I would have no real friends at school and outside school I would be alone.
Eventually I drifted off to a fitful sleep. At just past one in the morning I awoke finding that I’d been crying in my sleep. I wandered to the toilet to find it occupied by Beth. When she came out she found me sitting on the floor, my back to the opposite wall and my face full of tear marks. I got up and relieved myself. When I eventually came out Beth was waiting for me and led me to her room. Made up was a camp bed.
"I made the bed up earlier just in case Anna wanted to spend the night. I think you need somebody with you tonight and tomorrow night."
"Won't Mum be upset with me sleeping in the same room as a girl?"
"I think Mum trusts you not to do something wicked with your own sister," she replied with a smile.
Eventually I again fell asleep with thoughts of ten wonderful years with Anna. I woke up twice and Beth comforted me as I gradually transferred the box of tissues into the waste bin.
When I eventually awoke in the morning the sun had already risen. Beth was awake, still under her duvet, watching me.
"You okay little brother?"
"I think so. What's the time?"
"Quarter to nine."
Tears began to leak from my face again but I made no effort to hide them.
"What's wrong?" gently asked Beth.
"The removal truck will be there. It was going to be there at eight," I responded through the tears.
Beth calmed me down and when the tears were gone shooed me back to my room while she got ready.
When I came down for breakfast Mum was making some toast and had put several different jams on the table.
"I thought this would slip down nicely," she said as I took my seat. A few minutes later we were joined by Beth who looked almost as tired as me.
The breakfast was eaten in virtual silence which I was quite relieved about. Any normal discussion would probably have had me breaking down in tears.
As I went to clean my teeth I heard Mum say to Beth, "Thanks for looking after Bill last night. Was it as bad as we thought it would be?"
"Worse. Even when he was asleep he appeared to be suffering some type of bad dream. I don't think tonight will be any better"
I'd gone through the bad dreams and Beth didn't know half of what I'd dreamt. I hopped they were wrong about tonight but I very much doubted it. I got ready and after putting on a thick jumper and coat with trepidation set off to say farewell to Anna.
When I arrived the lorry was filling up fast. They had more to move as they'd lived there for so long. I stood on their grass watching as their worldly goods were carried and placed into the lorry. After about fifteen minutes a removal man walked up with a steaming hot cup of coffee.
"The young girl in the house thought you'd appreciate this," he said.
"Thanks," I said as he walked back to carry out more boxes.
At nearly eleven the house was empty and the lorry set off for Milton Keynes. I went into the house and saw Anna sat on the floor in the corner of the lounge.
"Hi," I said as I sat next to her.
"It's all gone," she simply said.
"I know," I responded putting my arm around her.
Nothing more was said as we just sat there. There were no tears just a deep sadness at our impending forced split.
"It's time to go," said Mrs Scott walking into the lounge.
"Can we have a few minutes?" asked Anna.
"Of course," she replied. "I'll just be outside."
I leant across and gave her a tender kiss. "Will you give me a ring when you're unpacked?"
"If the phone isn't connected then I'll use Erika's which is."
"If you see anything of my Dad you will let me know."
"I can't," she responded with sadness. "Mum and Dad talked with me last night. We aren't allowed to see your Dad or Julia. If we do then we aren't allowed to talk with you about it."
"Don't worry," I reassured her. "I'm not surprised. Mum and your parents have taken great care to keep things secret. So don't look as I would hate for you to get into trouble."
I stood and pulled Anna up. Together our arms around each other we walked to the car.
"Good luck," I said as she got in. "I'll always love you."
"I'll always love you too," responded Anna tears starting to trickle down her beautiful face.
Mr Scott locked the house and they were on their way to their new house. I watched in silence as there car disappeared around the bend.
Anna was gone.
More [A Strange Attraction to Concrete Cows]
by Karen Page
Edited by Angel O'Hare
Chapter 10 - The End
The bus had come to an unscheduled stop and for the last hour hadn't moved. The sight of static traffic ahead didn't bring any comfort. Somebody three seats in front had telephoned a friend and it appears there was an accident just before the motorway junction. For the hundredth time I looked at my watch. In twenty minutes Mum would be home. Even if all the traffic disappeared it would take the bus ten to fifteen minutes to drop me off. Then another ten minutes to walk home. As I stared blankly at the non-moving traffic, I was looking at visions of my own impending death.
"Are you okay miss?" asked the elderly gentleman sat next to me. "You look white as a sheet."
"I'm fine thanks," I responded trying to keep from throwing up.
I looked away into the brown frozen fields on my left. Whatever crop the farmer had planted obviously hadn't started to show growth yet. I looked down at the bottom of my dress and legs covered with tights.
"Perhaps Mum might accept this as part of a joke," I thought to myself. That idea quickly vanished as I remembered what was in my bags; a skirt, a pair of ladies jeans, two tops, socks, tights and five pairs of panties.
The engine of the bus spluttered to life and started to slowly inch forward. "Perhaps Mum is running late," I thought. I might get away with it. Unfortunately, my hopes were dashed as we travelled no more than half a mile before we again shuddered to a halt.
The days since Anna left have been hell. When I got home after Anna left I went to my room and broke down. Since then I hadn't stepped out of the house. I couldn't even bring myself to attend church last Sunday. The only things that temporarily brightened my days were calls from Anna. Today, Tuesday the 4th January, was the day my Mum had gone back to work, the first day I'd left the house since Anna left and also the first day I'd dressed as a girl without help. This certainly would be a day to remember.
Mum was a firm but fair mother. She was extremely kind but if she was upset with you then the whole house would tremble with fear and trepidation. I tried to think when Mum was last angry and the only thing I could think of was with Dad. A few days later he'd moved to Milton Keynes. I doubt it could have been anything as serious as being caught dressed in women's clothing so I was certainly expecting the worst.
Over the next thirty minutes we occasionally inched forward until we were insight of the junction. A lorry had jackknifed and was blocking part of the roundabout. The police where directing traffic letting different junctions take turns to use the roundabout and go either way to avoid the lorry.
Eventually it was our turn. Our normal route, going clockwise, was blocked by the lorry so we had to swing right and go the wrong way round. Once past the junction the road was clear and we made our way towards my doom.
Mum was never late home so unless something had gone wrong with her car I didn't stand a chance. I thought about ringing home but didn't want to explain my lateness when I was so stressed out. I pondered on the situation and eventually dialled Beth's mobile.
"Hi Beth," I said, "It's your little sis here."
"WHAT!?" explained a shocked Beth. "Let me take this upstairs."
About fifteen seconds later an out of breath Beth said, "Right I'm away from listening ears. Now please don't say you're out as Jill."
"'Fraid so," I replied. "There was an accident on the way back and the bus is running about two hours late. I take it Mum is home."
"Oh yeah she's home. She is also upset about something that went wrong at work."
"Just my luck," I replied. "I take it there's no chance of you tying her to one of the kitchen chairs is there?"
Beth just giggled, "No. You seem to be taking your impending doom rather well."
"Well what other way is there? She was bound to find out one day. I'd just hoped it was when I was older."
The bus stopped to let me off and I trudged up the hill towards home. As I approached the house I noticed that the outside light was on. I crossed my fingers and hoped that as I opened the front door my Mum wouldn't hear me. I slowly turned the knob and opened the door. The aroma of a nicely cooked meal filtered up my nostrils.
"Ah your home," said Mum opening the kitchen door.
I stood there watching Mums reaction as she saw me.
"The meal will be ready in about half an hour," she said her face not giving anything away. Her eyes had been darting all over me, examining how I presented myself. "Go on into the lounge," she continued. "It looks like we need to have a chat."
Mum walked back into the kitchen and I just stood there stunned. I looked up and saw Beth watching from the top of the stairs. I was unsure why Mum appeared to be so calm and not screaming, it didn't make much sense. Beth seemed to understand my perplexity and she just shrug her shoulders indicating she didn't understand either.
Mum walked back out of the kitchen and said, "Beth, why don't you come down from the top of the stairs and join us." She again retreated back into the kitchen.
Beth came down the stairs and said, "How did she know I was there?"
"No idea," I replied. "However, I think we better go into the lounge before we get into trouble for not obeying Mum."
Mum came in carrying a tray with three wine glasses, three tumblers and a huge jug of freshly squeezed orange. She set it down on the coffee table and disappeared into the kitchen, returning this time with an open bottle of red wine.
"I know you only drink wine occasionally with a meal. However, you look very tense and worried so I thought this might calm you down a bit," explained Mum as she passed me a glass of the Californian wine.
"First things first," she started when she settled down in her chair. "What do you call yourself when your en femme?"
"Huh?" I stated still in Jill's voice and took a sip of wine. Then I saw Mums face frown. Ooops. "Sorry. I don't understand. What do you mean en femme?"
"What do you call yourself when you're dressed as a girl?"
This I could answer. "Jill," I replied. I then took a slightly larger sip of wine hoping the effects might deaden to sound of Mum impending verbal diatribe.
"I know Beth left early this morning," Mum said. "So I know you dressed yourself and appear to have done a fair job with your makeup. It looks like you learnt quite a lot playing Widow Twanky in the pantomime. Besides today how many times have you been out as Jill?"
"Only twice," I responded unsure of where Mum's questioning was leading. Mum didn't appear upset and I couldn't think why. I decided that for the moment I'd be better off not asking as it might set her off. She seemed deep in thought and I wondered what was going through her mind.
"Mmm," was her only utterance as she occasionally took a sip of wine.
"I take it one of the times was when you got up early to go shopping with Anna and Erika when their parents were house hunting. That night Beth said she hadn't seen Bill. I take it she did see Jill?"
"That was the first time out," I confessed. "Beth didn't have anything to do with it she just caught me."
Beth who had been on the orange juice decided the red wine might be a better bet, grabbed the last glass from the coffee table and poured herself a large glass full.
"Would you two stop worrying," said Mum putting her half drunk glass of wine down. "I'm not going to rip you to pieces. I just want to understand things. Now when was the other time?"
"The Wednesday before Christmas I went out with just Anna," I responded only slightly calmer.
"Interesting," responded Mum. "That was after you started officially seeing each other. How did she cope with you being Jill?"
I was shocked at how perceptive my Mum was. How did she know? If I didn't know better I would say that she knew somebody that had been through this situation before.
"Haven't you learnt yet that Mothers are all knowing?" she quipped seeing my face.
I gave a slight giggle at that which got another response from Mum, "That's sounds a lot better coming from Jill than Bill. If you're going to keep up the two roles then you need to work a lot harder at separating them. Boys don't giggle in that way but I've noticed that as Bill you've been doing so. Just be careful or people might either suspect or beat you up."
Wow, hang on there. Did Mum just accept Jill? I leaned across and whispered to Beth, "What have you done with our real Mum?"
Beth just sniggered and whispered back, "Search me but keep going; you're doing well."
Mum just looked at me as if she was waiting for me to say something. Oh yeah, she wanted to know about Anna's reaction. "At first she didn't know how to treat me and I was very worried. By the time we got to Wolverhampton I was very upset as we were hardly communicating. We had a quick chat to clear the air but things weren't the same. Later we bumped into Beth who took Anna away for a quick chat. After that things were better."
"So Beth what did you say to Anna? You didn't threaten her did you?" asked Mum
"Of course I didn't threaten her," said Beth sounding indignant. "Basically our chat was about who she loved and what she loved about them. She was seeing Jill as a separate person than Bill. I just reminded her that they were the same person."
"Is that it?" I asked as they were gone for nearly twenty minutes.
"Not quite. She was also concerned about how things would look being romantic with what appeared to be another girl. She knows a lesbian who came out a few years ago in a different area, some people took offence, and somebody physically hurt her."
"But that wouldn't happen here."
"You want a bet? Remember the strange assembly in early October about acceptance of gays? Well Jason Scanlon in my class came out as gay. About a dozen people got together and were going to lynch him. Fortunately the teachers heard and the gang were warned that if anything happened to him they would all be suspended and the police involved."
"No wonder she didn't want to hold my hand. After your chat she treated me like a very close sister. When we were on the bus she treated me like she treats Bill."
"She has one last concern which I think she still worries about but it is private," said Beth looking at Mum.
"I'll go and check on the meal," said Mum walking out the door.
I was getting thirsty so poured myself a glass of orange and at the same time topped up Beth's. "So?" I prompted her.
"Well," said Beth quietly, "She still worries that you're going to want to have a sex-change."
"She's still on about that?" I ranted my voice loosing its quietness. "We've talked about that a lot and she still worries."
"Shush," she hissed. "You know she's always fantasised about having children."
"I've told her many times that I might have to live as Jill but my defective body doesn't affect my ability to father children. I like having my penis and wouldn't want that to change. Though I think I'm too young to father a child yet."
"You'd better not or Mum will kill you. Then she'd pass the body to the Scott's for them to roast," she said giggling.
Mum came back in, "You two finished? Then let's eat and we can continue to discuss this afterwards. I don't want you stressed out during the meal so I insist on is that this doesn't get discussed till afterwards."
I just snorted. I didn't mean it to come out but it did. "Sorry but I don't see how I can stop worrying as I don't know what punishment your going to give me."
Mum sighed and said, "Have I ever said that dressing in women's clothes is against any rules?"
"No," I answered hesitantly.
"Then how can I punish you for it? In fact we only discussed a few weeks ago how I'd been giving you girls trousers for some time as they fit you better."
"So why so many questions?" asked Beth.
"I just want to know the situation," Mum explained, "If Bill wants to dress as Jill then that his choice but if he does then he must do it safely. Are you happier now?"
Beth and I nodded and we had a rather nice meal. I was still dressed as Jill and Mum didn't appear to mind. Beth chatted away and bizarrely this was one of the best meals I'd eaten since Anna had gone.
After Beth and I had washed up and cleaned the table we joined Mum in the lounge. For once there was no music on and she looked like she expected the earlier conversation to continue.
"Do you mind if I ask some more questions?" Mum asked.
"No," I answered warily as I still had some lingering worries. Mum was always truthful about things and if she didn't want to answer something she wouldn't lie but tell us straight that she wouldn't answer.
"Do you want to be a girl? Do you want to have a sex-change?"
I sighed, "No Mum I don't want to have a sex change. I have a dodgy body that has a female shape and female clothes fit better. I asked Anna and Erika for help as they were leaving and I needed somebody to teach me things I might need if my body got more feminine. I just didn't expect to like it as much as I do."
"So would you like to keep your male equipment but live as a woman?"
"I'm not sure," I confessed. "I've only been out three times."
"Well you seem to be thinking about things," commented Mum.
"Why are you so okay with this?" I asked. "I was expecting you to be upset."
"All I want is you to be happy", she replied.
"It's not just that, is it?" asked Beth who had been thinking hard for the last few minutes. "You know too much about this. You know somebody who's lived as the opposite sex or had a sex-change?"
"Yes," Mum confessed, "I know a transsexual but please don't ask who as I won't say."
Beth slipped back into deep thought. You could almost here the cogs turning. If she kept this up I'm sure I'd start to see smoke coming from her ears.
"So what did you buy?" Mum asked.
I got the bag and handed it too her. When she finished going through it she said, "You've been taught well as these are the type of things any girl you age would get. Some people starting off would get inappropriate items which would make them stand out. You appear to not have fallen into that trap."
A look of satisfaction suddenly erupted over Beth's face. If this was a cartoon she would have a light bulb flashing over her head. "Julia is a transsexual isn't she?"
"I already told you I'm not going to tell you," said Mum showing no emotion to give away if Beth's guess was correct.
Beth ignored Mum's refusal and continued, "Dad told you about Julia and you couldn't cope with a transsexual in the family. Since Julia lives in Milton Keynes why doesn't Dad come back home? Julia's the transsexual not Dad."
"Beth," warned Mum. "I asked you not to ask about what I know. Dad also has asked you not to ask about what was going on."
Just then the telephone rang which Mum answered. "Hi love," she said. It must be Dad.
She listened to what he was saying and then she asked, "When are you back? Okay, I'll tell the children. Love you too."
Mum hung up the phone. "Dad's going away for a few days. He won't be back till next Wednesday. He'll still try to ring sometime this weekend but he might have chance. If not it will be next Wednesday."
That dampened our moods as our calls with Dad were something we both looked forward to.
***
When I came down the stairs Mum was already eating her bowl of cereal. I walked up to her and giving her a hug said, "Thanks for being so supportive."
"My pleasure," she said returning the hug. "But I think you should be using Bill's voice when you're dressed like that."
Ooops. I'd forgotten to switch back. "Is this better?" I asked in Bill's voice.
I settled down to my breakfast and soon Beth walked in. She wasn't in such a hurry as she had a doctor's appointment at ten, which Mum was taking her to.
"I'm sorry I tried to wheedle information out of you," she apologised.
"That's okay," said Mum giving her daughter a kiss on her cheek. "Just remember the rules next time. They're there to protect you."
Soon I was on the way to school. For the first time in years I was making the journey on my own. When I got to the school door I noticed that I'd made the journey in record time. Strange, I must walk quicker without the girls.
As the crowds began to gather I made my way to the library. I would have gone to the music practice rooms but I knew they wouldn't be open yet. As expected the library was deserted so I thought I would attempt to find information about last nights discussion. Mum had referred to Transsexuals so I thought I would try and find some information. I searched but the only two references I could find were a short entry in the encyclopaedia and an even shorter entry in the dictionary. Perhaps the school didn't think it was a topic that children should know about.
When the bell for morning registration rang I made my way to the classroom. I took my normal seat next to the two empty ones that previously were occupied by Anna and Erika. As the teacher opened the class register I noticed two red lines crossed through their names. As far as the school was concerned, they were no more.
I sat quietly in the room as people chatted away about what happened during the Christmas break. This was not a conversation that I wanted to get into. Thinking about the departure of Anna just tore into my heart. The only person I was glad not to see in the class was Tom. I hopped that he'd been moved into another class but I knew people were never moved like that.
At just before eleven the school secretary, Miss Walker, came into the classroom and had a quiet whisper with the teacher.
"Bill can you please go with Miss Walker," asked the teacher.
As it was towards the end of the lesson I packed my bag and followed her.
"Where are you taking me?" I asked her.
"The headmaster asked to see you urgently," was the only information she would give.
When I got to the headmasters office instead of being asked to wait I was shown straight in. As I went in Mrs Harries who had been steaming down the corridor behind me was also told to go straight in.
Inside Mr Yates cramped and cluttered office sat two police officers. I began to panic. Had somebody got the police involved about Tom? Surely not as it was just a prank; it wasn't anything to involve the police with.
Mrs Harries also looked worried and looked questioningly at me. I just shrugged. I had no idea what was happening.
When we were seated one of the policeman said, "I'm PC Harry Ralph and this is PC Wendy Humphreys. Can you please confirm that your Paula Harries and Bill Toms?"
Mrs Harries and I both confirmed our identities.
"I've got some very sad news for both of you. This morning at approximately quarter to ten there was a road traffic accident involving two vehicles. The first car was driven by Mr Peter Harries and had Tom Harries as a passenger. The other car was driven by Mrs Carol Toms and had Beth Toms as a passenger."
"How are they?" asked a stunned Mrs Harries.
"You husband suffered only minor cuts and was treated on scene. Your son however is being transferred to Birmingham Children's Hospital due to extensive injuries to his lower body."
"And my Mum and sister?" I prompted the policeman.
"They have both been taken to New Cross hospital. They are both in surgery."
"How did the accident happen?"
"Witness reports are still being collated. However your husband, when breathalysed, was found to be four times over the legal limit. Initial indications are that he swerved in front of Mrs Toms car causing a collision."
"What will happen to him?" Mrs Harries asked.
"He has had his cuts dealt with and has been arrested. He is currently at Cannock police station."
"Good," she said. "I hope he rots there." She then turned to Mr Yates, "Is it okay if I have an emergency leave of absence so I can be with my son?"
"Of course," he answered. The turning to me he said, "Would you like me to take you to the hospital?"
"Thanks," I replied.
Mr Yates then picked up the phone on his desk and dialled his secretary. "Rachel, can you please bring in Bill Toms emergency contact detail."
Miss Walker came into the room with a single A4 piece of paper and handed it to her boss before leaving the room again
"Strange," he said looking at the sheet. "I don't have a contact number for your Dad just somebody called Julia."
"My Dad is away for a week," I said as last nights conversation filtered back into my brain. "Can I use the phone to call his office? They will know how to contact him."
Mr Yates just turned the phone round and said, "Dial 9 for an outside line."
I fished into my pocket and pulled out my diary. In it I had Planetwides number. "Hello," I said to the receptionist. "Can you put me through to Mr Scott, head of personnel?"
I was on hold for a few seconds. As I waited the policeman's radio crackled into life and he went outside. When it was answered I heard, "Mr Scott's office, Melanie speaking."
"Hi Melanie, can I speak with Mr Scott."
"I'm sorry but Mr Scott is currently in a meeting. I'm Mr Scott's secretary, can I help you?"
"No. This is an emergency, can you interrupt the meeting? My name is Bill Toms. My Dad works for Planetwide and his wife has just been involved in a serious road accident."
"I'll see what I can do, please hold."
While I waited the policeman came back. I've an update for you both. First you Bill, your sister is out of surgery and is expected to be fine. Your mother, however, is not looking as good and the doctors really need you and your Dad to visit."
He then turned to Mrs Harries, "Your son has finished being assessed and the hospital needs to speak with you regarding treatment."
I felt numb as I waited on the end of the phone. I was too shocked to cry and my heart was beating like a piston. Eventually I hear, "Hi Bill, Melanie says that your Mum's been in an accident."
"Both Mum and Beth were involved. Beth's going to be okay but the hospital says Mum isn't looking too good and has asked that Dad come urgently. Dad rang last night and said he was going to be away for a week. Do you have contact details?"
"I don't but I know who will," said Mr Scott all professional. "Are they at New Cross hospital in Wolverhampton?"
"Yes. Though I'm not sure what ward."
"Just turn on your mobile and I will get your Dad to ring you."
"Thanks," I said putting down the phone.
I looked up at Mr Yates, "Can we go now," I asked in a slightly trembling voice as I started to loose control of my emotions.
"Is there anything else?" he asked the police.
"No," they replied standing up. "We'll be on our way"
As we left the office we saw Mrs Harries coming out of the Deputy Heads office. "How's Tom?" he asked her.
"Not good. He has fractured legs and pelvis, a ruptured spleen, and it looks like part of his penis was severed."
I cringed at the thought of damage to my penis. "Are they going to have to make him a girl?" I asked.
Mr Harries shuddered when I made that insensitive comment, "I thing they're going to try and perform some plastic surgery to try and repair it. Though they say it's too early to tell how successful that will be."
Mrs Harries rushed to her car and with a squeal of tyres disappeared at speed into the distance.
During the journey to the hospital my mobile went off. I squinted through my blurry eyes at the display and it said DAD. "Oh Dad" I said as I answered the phone. I lost control of my emotions and burst into tears.
"George has just told me what has happened. I'm on the way to the airport and will be on a flight in about an hour. I should be at the hospital in about three hours. I've just got to the airport now and once checked in will ring the hospital. Hang on."
I hear the taxi driver say, 'That'll be twelve pounds fifty.'
Dad responded with, 'Keep the change.'
I then think I heard the taxi driver say 'Thanks love.' But it got muffled with the slam of a door.
"You won't be able to have your mobile on in the hospital so just hold tight. I'm on my way."
"But I thought you didn't want us to see you before we'd both left school."
"Or the circumstances changed. I think this is definitely a change in circumstances."
When we pulled into the hospital car park it was full. However, we were lucky as somebody was just leaving so within five minutes we were parked; paid the parking fee and were on the way to Accident and Emergency.
When we entered Accident and Emergency the waiting area was packed. A sign stated that the current waiting time was four hours. When the person before us had finished at reception we walked forward, "I believe a Carol and Beth Toms were brought in after a road accident. This is Carol's son. I'm his head teacher."
"Let me see," she said consulting her computer screen. "Ah yes. Beth is currently in ICU and Carol is in surgical recovery."
"Can you tell me how to get to surgical recovery?"
Armed with required directions we went in search of my Mum.
At the wards reception we again asked about my Mum. "Your Mum isn't very well," explained the nurse. "Let me get the doctor who will explain."
We sat down in a pair of stiff plastic chairs. When the doctor turned up our bottoms were beginning to feel sore.
"Hi, I'm Dr Patel. I take it your Bill Toms. However you are?" he asked looking at Mr Yates.
"I'm Keith Yates. I'm the headmaster where Bill goes to school."
"Ah," he said and then turned to me. "I've spoken with your father just after he last spoke with you and he is fully informed of your mother's condition. He said that when you arrived you were told to be fully apprised to the situation. However, due to client patient confidentiality, I'm not allowed to tell Mr Yates. If you come with me Bill I'll bring you up to speed. A nurse, Stacey Hill, will be there to make sure your okay."
"I'll see you later," I said to Mr Yates as I followed the doctor. I expected to go to an office but instead we went into a nice room with nicely padded easy chairs. There was a two seater settee which a nurse, who I suppose was Stacey, was sat. She looked like she was in her late twenties and had her brunet hair tied back into a high pony tail. Stacey indicated I should sit next to her and the doctor sat opposite.
"Let's start with your sister, Beth. She had minor surgery to repair a broken arm. She sustained a head injury which has resulted in a short term coma. We don't know how long the coma will last but we fully expect her to make a full recovery. Your mother however was very seriously injured as she took the full impact of the crash. I won't list all her injuries but they are too extensive to repair. There's no easy way to say this but she isn't expected to last more than another five or six hours."
At that point my emotions which had just settled down again fully bloomed and I became an emotional wreck. Stacey was there for me and kindly comforted me till I regained a little composure.
"Would you like to be with her?" he asked. "Before you answer please be aware that she is on two drips and has a monitor checking her vital signs. Therefore the room might look a little clinical."
"I want to be with her till the end," I said wiping the last remaining tears from my eyes. "Will it be okay if Mr Yates goes back to school? I promise to behave even though my Dad isn't here."
"I'll often be in the room checking on his mother," said Stacey backing me up with the doctor.
"Okay," he said relenting, "but don't tell anyone or I'll get it in the neck."
I walked back to see Mr Yates. He was stood by the torture chairs. I presume he couldn't take sitting on them any longer.
"Are you okay?" he asked when he saw my dishevelled look and tear stained face.
"I won't need you to take me back to school," I said. "So there is little point you hanging around. I want to stay with Mum till the end, which isn't long away." I said my heart aching at the impending loss. "Since Dad lives in Milton Keynes I don't even know if I'll be back at your school at all."
Mr Yates looked shocked at my revelation and sat back down on a chair. I think he thought Mum was just badly injured. "How long does she have," he asked in an unsteady voice.
"They're not sure," I replied. "They think five or six hours."
As I left with Stacey I heard him ask the nurse manning reception if there was a chapel where he could go and pray.
When I entered the room where Mum was I was shocked how cluttered the room was. To the right of the bed was a monitor showing heartbeat and blood pressure. It was bleeping in time with the heartbeat. On either side were two drips.
"What are the drips for?" I asked.
"The one on the left is a saline drip to keep her hydrated. The one on the right is for pain relief; without that your Mum would be in a lot of pain."
As I got closer I saw Mum was asleep. Her face was bruised and she didn't look at all well.
"Will she wake up at all?" I asked.
"Probably," she replied, "Why don't you sit next to her and talk to her. If you want to hold her hand then that's fine. However, be careful not to disturb the drip."
Stacey pulled up a chair next to the bed so I could be close. I sat myself down next to Mum and said, "Hi Mum."
"That's it. You talk to her. She might not respond straight away but she will hear what you say to her. I'll leave you two alone for a while but I'll be around if you need me."
I sat there wondering what to say. As I thought I gently stroked her hand. I thought of some of the good times that we'd had together; the holidays, the trips away, just the four of us together playing monopoly. It then dawned on me that my hopes of one day being a complete family were gone for ever. Even though I might have Dad back I would never have Mum. When Beth recovered, it would still be just three of us.
I began to recount some of the holidays that I remembered. The first I recounted was the holiday we had at Oban in Scotland where it rained all week. Next came the summer mountain holiday in Switzerland where Dad got terribly burnt legs
I felt her hand twitch a bit. She didn't open her eyes or say anything but I'd got some response so I continued recounting the happy times. The holidays progressed to the one we had in Jersey and how much fun we'd had on that tiny island.
"I remember that," said a quiet voice. I looked around the room and then realised it was Mum. She was awake.
"Hi Mum," I said. "I love you so much."
"Me too," she replied her voice labouring. "How bad am I?"
I thought about lying to her. Telling her she would be okay but I couldn't. I wasn't brought up like that.
"Not good I'm afraid," I said trying to be brave. I looked across at the door and saw Stacey standing there. She just nodded as if to say that I was doing the right thing and again left me alone.
"Am I dying?" she asked with fear in her voice.
"That's what the doctor said."
"Then you must tell Dad."
"I have. He was in Scotland and will be here soon. He said the circumstances had changed."
Mum went quiet again so I just continued to stoke her hand. After a few minutes silence I started telling her again about some of the good times. I started this time recounting when she surprised me with a trip to London how we'd gone on the London Eye, going to the British museum and then on to see a proms concert with a lovely meal in the Royal Albert Hall restaurant.
"I remember that meal," said Mum as she awoke for the second time.
"Welcome back."
"Did I drift off?" she asked.
"Just for a little bit."
Stacey popped her head round the door. "Your Dad has just left Birmingham airport and should be here in less than an hour." Then she disappeared before I could say thank you.
"You must tell Dad about Jill," she said.
"I can't," I replied as I started to shake in fear.
"You can't shut her away again. She's a part of you. Dad will understand."
Mum fell silent once again. Oh what should I do? I couldn't tell him. Mum may think he'd understand but how could he. He wouldn't know how good it felt wearing women's clothes. No, when Mum died I would let Jill die too. With that decision made I continued recounting trips we'd made. How two years ago Dad had taken us to New York for a short break just after thanksgiving. The wonderful time I had skating in Rockefeller square. How we'd eaten at Le Cirque and then gone to the top of the empire state building and looked over the city that never sleeps.
As I was reliving that happy times Stacey came in with Dad. He'd changed quite a bit. His hair was longer and in a pony tail. He had on a baggy jumper and what looked like a new pair of trousers.
"New trousers?" I asked.
"Got them while I waited for the plane," he said sitting next to me. "I thought I better look nice for Mum. How is she?"
"Weak. Very weak. She's woken twice and said a bit."
"Does she know she's dying?"
"I know," she said awakening for the last time.
I swapped seats with Dad so he could be closer and he gently took hold of her hand.
Her eyes opened slightly. "Hi Andrew," she said. "I love you and Julia so much. Please forgive me for being so stupid."
"I love you too," he said tears flowing feely down his face. "And there isn't anything really to forgive. I have loved you from the first moment we met and have done ever since."
"You must tell Bill and Beth," she said. "They will understand."
Her eyes closed once more and she drifted back off to sleep. I took Dad in my arms and we just wept onto each others shoulders. There seemed to be a slight aroma of roses that was emanating from Mum.
Stacey who was passing noticed the smell and looked at the monitor. "Now's the time for you to say your final goodbyes," she said as she walked back out.
"Bye Mum," I said tears still steaming down my face. "Save a space in heaven for the rest of us."
"Bye sweetheart. I love you and I'll always love you." was all that Dad could clearly say. His face was awash with anguish.
Soon after the bleep of monitor stopped beeping and became a continuous noise.
Stacey quietly walked in and switched it off.
Mum was gone and Jill had gone with her.
THE END
Note:
The continuing story of some of these characters is occasionally mentioned in [A New Style of Education]
When life strikes James down, is there any hope? Can he escape the downward spiral of existence?
A Time of Hope
by Karen Page
"Trumpets sound and Angels sing..."
The sound of the rejoiceful congregation filtered out into the early crisp evening air. The lights from the church beamed out their hopeful message of acceptance and forgiveness. It was the season of peace and goodwill.
For one unlucky soul, the light that filtered out through the stain glass windows offered no comfort. The light had provided enough glow for the attackers to see them. Now lying bleeding and badly bruised, the thin clothing providing no protection in the winter chill, couldn't move and had to just lie there and wait for help.
The singing finished and in a cheerful mood, the worshipers gradually filed out to go home to their heated houses. More than fifty people walked past the bundle of rags on the way to their cars. The body was partly hidden by the shadow of the church hall. Not one person stopped to look or investigate the gentle moans. Thoughts of 'oh another drunk' or 'I've not got time to look' plagued the minds of the righteous.
Eventually a young single mother, with her five-year old daughter approached.
"Mummy, Mummy, there's someone over here," shouted the little girl as the light from the church was switched off, plunging the area into semi darkness.
At first, Sarah had thought that her daughter had just seen some clothes that somebody had dumped into the churchyard. However, a small groan and weak cough made her rethink.
Her first thought was to rush back to the church and get help. When she got there, it was all locked. Everybody had gone. There were no phone boxes in the area anymore as it was rural and not many people would use it. The last one had been removed due to vandalism and lack of demand. Everyone had mobile phones. Everyone but people like Sarah, who could barely afford to provide a warm meal for her daughter.
"Everyone's gone," Sarah informed the injured person. "Do you live far? Can I help you get home? Do you need to go to hospital?"
"I've only got a few bruises," croaked the weak male voice from the ground. "I live about five miles away. My car is in the car park"
"Well, that's too far for you to walk," said Sarah as she helped the man to his feet. "You can hardly stand now, let alone drive."
"Why don't you bring him to our house?" suggested Naomi.
Sarah was nearly sick at the very thought. Being five, Naomi didn't have the idea that inviting a stranger home would not be a good idea. The memory of the rape, that had created Naomi, was still too fresh in her mind.
"We can't," Sarah whispered.
"We did the story of the Good Smarty Man. He helped a stranger."
Sarah inwardly smiled at her daughter's naivety and innocence. If only life was so true. "The man in The Good Samaritan took the injured man to a hotel, not his home."
Naomi didn't say anything. She just held her Mummy's hand and looked helplessly at the faint outline of the injured man. Sarah was a good person, who just wanted to help. For a fleeting moment that desire to 'do the right thing' overrode her fear.
"I live just round the corner," said Sarah. "Let's see if we can get you there and see how hurt you are."
The closer they got to her house, the more fearful she became. The thoughts that she might be violated again were growing step by step. As the outline of the house became visible through the dark unlit evening, Sarah was beginning to tire. The man wasn't that heavy, but it was still taking all Sarah's strength to virtually carry the man who could barely stand.
"Naomi, can you take the keys from my bag and open the door?" asked Sarah.
"Yes Mummy," said the little girl. Some days Sarah struggled with her daughter, but today she was so proud of her helpful girl.
Naomi found the keys and unlocked the front door to their small rented house. Running in first, she turned on the light so her Mummy could see where she was going.
Sarah inwardly gasped when she saw the man she'd been helping. The first thing she noticed was that he was wearing women's clothing. The torn remains barely covered his bruised body.
"Ooh, look Mummy. It looks like the man has been playing dress-up."
"Naomi, go to my bedroom and pull back the bed covers."
Naomi skipped off and had done it when Sarah appeared with the man. Not only had the little girl pulled back the covers, she'd actually moved the dirty washing basket out of the way.
After giving the man some painkillers, he slept soundly in her bed. She would have liked to get an ambulance, but didn't want to leave the house with a stranger under the same roof as her daughter. Besides the church, the nearest house was a good ten minutes walk. If she lived next to somebody else, then the ambulance would have been here by now.
Sarah was concerned about how ill the man looked and nervously checked on him several times during the night. When dawn broke onto Christmas Eve, the man didn't stir. It wasn't until late that afternoon that his eyes flickered open.
"Welcome to the land of the living," Sarah said, warily from the door.
"Thanks," winced the man as he moved position. He tried to sit up, but was soon lying down, as the pain was too much.
"I think you should go to hospital."
"NO!" he quickly said, his voice sounding fearful. "I'll be okay. I should just go home."
Naomi, who had been standing next to her Mummy asked, "Do you play dress up?"
"What?" the man stuttered.
"Like I do with my dollies," explained the girl. "Tina at school has some dressing up clothes like fairies and princesses outfits."
"Naomi, I think you should let the man rest. He had a nasty time yesterday and needs a bit of peace."
"Yes Mummy. Can I go and play dollies?"
"Of course."
"I must apologise for my daughter," said Sarah to the man. "By the way, I'm Sarah and the little bundle of joy is Naomi."
"I'm James. Thank you Sarah for having the heart to help me, even in the condition I was in."
"It'd never pass someone who'd been assaulted," said Sarah.
James thought there was more to it than Sarah was admitting to, but knew it wasn't his place to enquire. He was just grateful that he was alive.
"I should really go home."
Sarah walked fully into her bedroom and taking a deep breath, shut the door.
"Are you worried because of the way you were dressed?"
James again tried to sit up so he could get out of bed. Again the pain was too much and he collapsed on the bed.
"Look, my daughter just thinks you were playing games with your dressing. I'm more worried about you getting better. Don't you think that you should go to the hospital? They won't care."
"I work at the hospital. I would never be able to show my face again."
"Ah. Then you will stay here for a few days, till you are well enough to go home."
"I couldn't do that to you. It is Christmas and you probably have plans."
"Apart from going to church tomorrow morning, then nothing else is planned. You can't go home till you can at least move."
For the rest of the day James mostly slept, giving his body time to recover. Apart from the bruises, he appeared to be mostly unharmed. Naomi wanted to help check on the guest, but Sarah was very firm that she could only go into the room when accompanied with her.
The next day was Christmas Day and James was left snoozing while Sarah and Naomi went to church. There were a lot of people that had gone to the Carol Service two evenings ago. She listened to see if anybody mentioned James, but all she heard were snooty comments on how the area was going downhill and that the vicar should do something about keeping the area free from drunks.
Sarah thought about saying that the person wasn't a drunk but an assault victim. However, she didn't have the guts to stand up to the people. All her confidence in life had been sucked away when her body had been violated. The vicar did have the confidence, which became apparent during the sermon.
"Last night two men were arrested. They'd been drinking and had bragged about assaulting someone in our churchyard while the Carol Service took place. There were some off duty policemen in the pub who were having a drink and overheard. They promptly arrested the men. Before today's service, I heard that people had seen the assault victim and not assisted him. I don't think I would call people who ignore others in plight Christians. Today is about the birth of Jesus who died to forgive all our sins. I hope that people remember the message that Jesus gave us all about loving your neighbour and turning the other cheek. He never discriminated against other people, including the sick, prostitutes and even tax collectors."
Sarah went home, not having told anybody at the church. She didn’t want others to think she was a hero and she also didn't want to expose James. She thought James had enough trouble in his life and wouldn’t want the members of the church trying to be righteous.
"James, do you feel up to having some Christmas dinner?"
"That would be nice, though not too much. My body still feels like a punch bag. Since I've not eaten much in the last few days, I doubt I'll have much of an appetite."
Sarah went into her wardrobe and removed an old battered and faded pink dressing gown. "Sorry about the colour but it's the only one I have."
"You saw what I was wearing before. It doesn't upset me in the least."
As Sarah helped James out of the bed and into the lounge, it was the first time he'd seen where he was being looked after. It became very obvious that Sarah wasn't very well off. He gently eased himself into the chair, trying to not put pressure onto his still sore body. Sarah had been kind enough to put some type of cushion onto the wooden seat to ease the discomfort.
When Sarah brought the food across, her portion was barely bigger than Naomi's. It was something she'd saved up for months to afford. James thought it would appear ungrateful if he didn't eat it all, so he slowly cleared his plate, even though it was far too much for his shrunk stomach.
"What's up?" asked Naomi, seeing tears in James's eyes.
"I'm just very thankful you let me stay. You have both been very kind to me." He didn't want to cause embarrassment by mentioning how poor they were. They might have been poor financially, but their hearts were full of gold.
James stayed for just over a week before Sarah was happy for him to go home. The bruises still looked bad, but there was no worries about his general health.
"Your clothes were ripped and I don't have any male clothes," said Sarah. "I have some female ones that would probably fit you. Would you be okay with that?"
"I think so," James tried to laugh, but the bruises on his chest made it too painful.
"You don't look too bad," said Sarah, when James was dressed. "What is your femme name?"
"Julie," he replied. "You are very accepting about this and seem to know a lot about it."
"Well Julie, I have a younger sister called Emma, who was born male. Are you a cross-dresser or are you transgendered?"
"I don't know. I wish I did. I see a psychiatrist to discuss things, but it so scary to go forward."
"Well take your time about it. It's pointless rushing and making a big mistake."
"You don't look that old. How old is your sister?"
"She's thirteen. I've not seen her for a few months now as she got accepted in a school with accelerated learning; she has already passed one GCSE and that was top grade. She was always the brain-box in the family. You look very passable, but would you rather go when it's dark?"
"Is that a problem?"
"Don't be silly. Naomi would be over the moon for you to stay longer. She hasn't had so much fun, you playing with her and giving her all that attention."
"You've done very well raising a child like that all by yourself. Are your parents close by? Do they ever help?"
"My Dad wasn't happy with me because I got pregnant so young, so I moved out. They only live in a farm about six miles away. The only contact I had was with my little sister who used to come and see me. Since she's gone, it's just me and Naomi."
"Come and sit down," said Julie as Sarah was starting to get upset. He was glad Naomi was at a friend's house.
"Naomi wasn't planned, was she?"
"No," sobbed Sarah.
"I've only seen that face on one other person before. You were raped, weren't you?"
"Yes," answered Sarah in a very small voice, her head hung with shame and humiliation.
"I presume your parents don't know?"
"No, they were always getting at me for dressing in clothes that showed a bit too much flesh. They would have just blamed me for being raped."
"What about the police."
"I couldn't. I was fifteen at the time and didn't feel I could tell anybody. In fact you are the first person I've ever told."
"Well you aren't to blame. You didn't ask to be raped. How you dress is just an excuse that the rapist uses to get off. Most judges and juries now ignore that excuse. I take it you've never been able to be close to a man since?"
"I've had Naomi to take care of."
Julie just looked at Sarah in disbelief.
"Okay, okay, I get frightened if men get too close. Are you happy now?"
"No, but admitting it is a step in the right direction. Really what you need to do is get counselling about it."
"But it was nearly six years ago."
"So? You still have issues you need to talk about. I'm a nurse, not a councillor. Your GP should be able to refer you to someone."
"Really?"
"Yes really. When you are ready, you probably should tell your Mum. It would probably be too hard for you to tell your Dad."
"I've no idea why I'm telling you all this."
"Probably because I'm here and listening. I doubt you would have told James. You have put your life on hold because of the actions of somebody else. Don't let him win. If your sister is clever enough to get a GCSE at thirteen then I'm sure you could do something with yourself."
"You think so?"
"Yes I do."
Sarah dried her eyes and had composed herself when her bundle of joy came bounding back into the house. Her friend's parents had dropped her off.
"Ooh, is it dress-up time?"
Sarah was about to say something, but Julie crouched down so she was as tall as Naomi and said, "Yes, it's great fun to dress-up, isn't it?"
"Will you play with me?"
"Of course Naomi, lead the way."
By five it was dark. "It's time for me to go," said Julie.
"Do you have to?" whined Naomi.
"Thank you so much for looking after me," said Julie to both of them. "I'll bring back these clothes later."
As Sarah watched Julie disappear out of the house, her stomach began to ache and she felt her eyes become slightly damp.
"Mummy, will we ever see him again?"
"I hope so," replied Sarah, feeling she had a direction in her life again. "I really do."
They never saw James again.
As James walked into the hospital the next day, he got a lot of stares and he noticed some began to whisper excitedly behind their hands. He presumed it was just the awful greenish-yellow bruises that adorned his face and gingerly made his way up the three flights of stairs to where he worked. As he entered the small staff area he noticed to his horror a picture of him as Julie with the words 'Beware of the Freak' in large red writing. He quickly tore it down and threw it in the wastebasket. He'd recognised the picture as being taken just before he was attacked.
'How did they find out?' James thought to himself. 'How could they have known?'
A few other nurses and doctors were sympathetic, but there was a lot of taunting and teasing. One nurse even said 'I see you got attacked. It serves you right. People like you don't deserve to live.'
Just before lunch Moira, the ward sister called everyone together. "We are all supposed to be professionals and this morning I've seen nothing professional about you. Yes it seems that James got attacked and he looks a mess, but that doesn't give you an excuse for the rest of you to be tardy. It also has come to my attention that there are rumours floating about regarding James dressing up. What James and all of you do outside work is your own business. I don't want to see any more pictures up and any more comments about it on work premises. We are here to look after the patients. Do I make myself clear?"
'Oh that was very helpful,' thought James to himself. He might be okay now in his work department, but as soon as he went home he was just as much at risk.
When it came to lunch he made his way to the staff canteen where he thought it would be safe. When he got there his life just got worse. He used to sit on a table with some other male nurses. He noticed that the table had someone else there making the table full. He was shunned from other tables and he sat alone, staring out of the window at the murky winter day.
James was so relieved to go home. Normally he loved his job, but today was probably one of the worst in his career. The sniping and teasing had become less as after Moira's chat but there was still the underlying tension. A giggle as he walked past or the way people avoided him. It was like he was contagious.
It was seven that evening when trouble again flared. James had eaten his tea and had settled down to flick through the hundreds of channels to discover there wasn't actually anything worth watching. Banging on the front windows interrupted his general malaise. It gave him the fright of his life. When he went to investigate there was nobody there. As soon as the door was shut and he returned to the lounge, it started again.
After thirty minutes of harassment James turned off the light, hoping that just ignoring them would work. It didn't. James lay on the settee, with a blanket covering him, praying that they would just go away. When a brick came through the window, covering his lounge with shards of shattered glass, he called the police.
"Let me take some details from you Mr Harper," said the young policewoman. "When did the trouble start?"
"About seven. It started with bangs on the window and doors. When a brick came through the window, I decided it was time to call you."
"Well when I arrived, I looked around and didn't see anybody. Let's hope they've gone home. Now let me take your statement and get you a crime number."
"Crime number?"
"It is a unique reference number. You will need to quote it when you put a claim through your insurance company."
After what seemed nearly an hour of form filling the police left and someone appeared to board up the window. After that ordeal, James decided to go to bed. There was no time tonight to drop of the clothes Sarah had kindly lent him.
Sleep didn't come quickly as the gang reappeared and James quivered with fear under his plump duvet. It was after three in the morning when they'd gone and he got to sleep. With only a few hours sleep he felt worn out even before he got to work.
Work was no better than the day before, in fact it was probably worse. A photocopy of the photograph had reappeared and Moira, the ward sister just said to ignore it. At lunch he was still being ostracised, not that he felt like eating anything. Finishing his lunch early his mind began to cloud and he started to cry. His nice life was over. He couldn't bare the thought of going back to the ward where nobody seemed to care for his feelings. He was even more scared of going home. The memory of the thugs that terrorised him was too recent in his mind.
James didn't know how, but he found himself standing on the hospital roof, looking out at the scenery. As his eyes scanned the horizon he looked towards where Sarah's house was. In those few days he'd found a world of happiness, a world of acceptance and a world of tenderness. Here, in a world which was supposed to be loving and kind, he'd just found hate and loneliness.
It was so tempting to climb the barrier and let himself fall over the other side. A few seconds of freefall and it would be all over. Sure there would probably be regret as he fell, but it would be too late to worry. The pain of the last two days would be gone and with it the confusion of his short life would also be ended. It was so easy to do. A few rungs of the barrier and it would all be peaceful.
As he climbed the barriers, a sense of relief washed over him. He wouldn't ever have to tell his family about Julie and the people at work would soon forget about him. As he was about to swing his leg over the top his eyes again saw the rough area where Sarah lived and their faces as he left their house. He stopped and after a moments pause, he jumped.
As he fell, he became more satisfied with the choice he'd made and landed, with a thump, back onto the hospital roof. The vision of Sarah and how he'd given her hope to move on with her life had made it clear to James that he needed to move forward with his own life. Suicide was not an option.
Sarah had saved his life for a second time and she didn't even know it.
When he arrived into the ward he had a smile on his face, which even the sight of the photograph in the staff area couldn't dampen. Instead of tearing it down, he grabbed a red felt-tip pen and wrote 'I have much better photographs. If you want I can bring them in for you all to look at'.
With the lack of apparent concern for the teasing, it diminished as quickly as it had started. Some people tried to continue, but they soon found that they got more reaction from teasing others.
"Moira, can I have a word?" asked James as he poked his head into her office.
"Of course. Come in and shut the door."
"I have a few things to ask, but it's going to be hard to say."
"Well take your time. I'm not going to bite. Before you start, I want to say how well I think you have handled the situation. Yesterday was very difficult for you and the staff. This afternoon you seem to have got a handle of the situation. I thought the comment you put about the photo's was very funny, it certainly shut a few people up."
Over the next thirty minutes James discussed what he wanted and Moira was only too willing to help.
"I will fill in the forms and speak with the relevant people. Come and see me before you go and I should have everything you need."
During the afternoon James heard that Moira had called a meeting just after shift change. Everyone from this shift and the next were to attend, apart from James.
It was late on the afternoon of New Years Eve that Julie turned her footsteps towards Sarah's house. The light from the lounge filtered through a crack in the curtains, lighting up the path to the front door. Julie would have loved to ring to make sure that it was convenient, but since Julie didn't have a phone, she just had to chance it.
Julie swung the doorknocker and a few moments later a face peeped between the curtains to see who was visiting. A child's squeal of delight was heard and the door swung open.
"Hello Sarah," Julie said. "I'm returning the clothes you let me borrow."
"Thanks," smiled Sarah. "Why don't you come in?"
"Are you sure?"
"Will you play dollies with me, Uncle-" started Naomi. She stopped when she couldn't remember the name. Sarah leaned down and whispered something in her daughter's ear. "Will you play dollies with me, Aunty Julie?"
"I'd love to," Julie beamed. The girl had never been taught that men don't dress-up in female clothes, so just accepted that I was Julie.
With two adults playing with her, Naomi was having the time of her life. As it got near teatime Julie said, "I think I should be going. Would it be okay if I come tomorrow? I'm on an early shift, so finish about two."
"Oh Mummy, please say yes," shouted out Naomi.
"I think that would be nice," said Sarah, trying not to smile in glee.
"You were kind enough to give me some of your Christmas meal. Would it be okay if I bought a few things with me and cook New Years Day tea?"
"Are you sure?"
"I'd love to. What does Naomi eat? Are there things that you don't like?"
"Naomi has had a big experience with food. What we have is normally cheap, though I've always found it cheaper to make my own than get ready made. I got a bigger variation when I was growing up on the farm, though it wasn't extensive as my parents weren't rich. Things like rabbit was things my Dad caught."
"I think something like rabbit might be a bit strong for Naomi. I'll do something simple, but fun."
"Do you have to go?" moaned Naomi.
"I'll be back tomorrow. If you want, you can help."
"Help cook?"
"Just think of the fun of being able to get yourself in a total mess without being told off," Julie bribed.
Sarah just shook her head, wondering if Julie realised what she was letting herself get into.
The night-time harassment died down. Not as quickly as it had at work, but there weren't bricks flying through the window. Without the worry, the preparation for the next day was a lot less frantic. Moira had done a great job at making sure everything was perfect.
The next day Moira was waiting in reception and accompanied her nurse up to the ward. The ward might have been busy, but all the staff were waiting round the nurses' station.
"Everybody, I'd like to introduce Julie Harper. I want to just remind everybody that Julie has legal protection and will be treated as a woman by everybody here. Any discrimination and that person will have a written warning and for a subsequent offence, be sacked."
Julie was anxious about how she would be treated, but things went a lot easier than she expected. Some staff avoided Julie, but that was the exception. There had been a lot of patients admitted to the ward so the staff didn't have time to gossip. The warning about patients coming first still rang in their ears.
"I'm sorry about the way I behaved the other day," apologised Tina as they took a small break. "I thought you were mocking women. I hadn't realised how important this was too you."
"It's very important. I've battled this for years and I doubt I'd have had the guts to transition if I hadn't been outed."
"Did you feel that wrong as James?"
"I survived. I certainly wasn't happy, but I was more worried about how people would react. After I was attacked the person who found me was very kind and caring. The way she got on with her life after all the issues to deal with, she has was a strong ideal to follow."
"So are you going to get your thing chopped off?"
"They don't take an axe and chop it like a tree. It is a very delicate operation where it is inverted."
"So are you?"
"Probably. I'm now living full-time as Julie and I will see if that is enough. I'd rather avoid an major operation if I can."
"Why don't you come to lunch with me and a few other girls?"
I was glad that I'd decided to formally transition. As soon as I'd informed Moira I was protected under the Sex Discrimination Act. I couldn't be sacked for it and the hospital had to make sure that I wasn't forced out because of it.
Due to work pressure, the time passed quickly and the first day working as Julie ended. She quickly left the building and went home to grab the supplies needed for the meal. Sarah had done a lot for her over the last two weeks and she wanted to give something back.
"How much food have you bought?" asked Sarah as she helped unload the boxes out of Julie's car.
"I wanted to make sure I had enough. There aren't any shops open today and it's a few miles to my house."
"What are we going to make?" asked Naomi excitedly.
"You'll see when we've got everything inside," Julie said, stringing the little girl on. "Do you by any chance like chocolate?"
What a silly question to ask a five-year old, especially one who only got chocolate as a special treat.
"So how was your day?" Sarah asked as she took the last box into the kitchen and tried to stop Naomi from searching for any sign of chocolate.
"Work was a lot better than it has been recently. I'll tell you about it tonight. Now Naomi, if you look in the bag on top of the box your Mummy just bought in you should find an apron in your size."
Naomi pulled it out and her face beamed with pleasure. Today was like another Christmas to her.
"Right now let's wash our hands and cook our surprise pudding, while your Mummy sits down and relaxes."
Sarah opened her mouth to protest, but Julie gently steered her to the settee. At that point Sarah gave up protesting and went with the flow. She wasn't used to someone else cooking and she certainly wasn't used to someone pampering her.
"Okay Naomi, everything we need should be in this box," said Julie getting a box from the side.
"But that’s got breakfast cereal in it?"
"When we're finished, it won't be anything like what you would have for breakfast. While I get a pan ready, can you break that bar of chocolate into bits? It might be hard, but they don't have to be small bits."
Twenty minutes later, the finished chocolate rice-crispies were being put into the fridge to 'cook'.
"Can we do some more?" pleaded Naomi.
"Not now, we have no more room in the fridge. But as the cook, you get to lick the bowl."
"Can Mummy help?" she asked. After running her finger across the inside of the bowl a few times, her mouth was covered in chocolate.
"Why don't you go in there with the bowl and see?"
A squeal from Sarah, that sounded horrified but still delighted, filtering into the kitchen was the only indication of the situation. As bit later Sarah appeared in the kitchen, some chocolate on her top lip.
"You enjoyed?"
"Mmm."
The meal was a success and so was the pudding. After Naomi eventually went to bed, Sarah and Julie sat down to relax.
"You bought far too much food," started Sarah.
"I did, didn't I? Though there were no shops open if I'd forgotten something."
"I'll help you take it back to the car after."
"Don't worry. There is only me at home and there are two of you. Why don't you keep it and enjoy it. It would only go off if I took it home."
"Are you sure?"
"I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't."
Sarah took a sip of her coffee, trying to pluck up the courage. Julie noticed and waited. After a few minutes Sarah asked, "Have you started to transition? Did you go to work as Julie?"
"Yes, I went to work as Julie."
"I thought you would sooner or later. Was this a one off or something longer term?"
"Does the term Real Life Test mean anything to you?"
"Yes, so are you planning on living as a girl or becoming one?"
"I don't know. I'm hoping that I'll find out as I go through the process." Julie took a deep breath and said, "I was hoping that we could start seeing more of each other. Does me being Julie stop that?"
"I don't think so," Sarah replied. "Because I was young when I had Naomi, I never got a chance to find out what anything more than a schoolgirl romance was like. You’re the first person I've ever got excited about since."
"I don't know what to say."
"All I ask is that we take it slowly," pleaded Sarah, the hurt of six years ago flashing though her eyes. Then she gave a small giggle. "This morning I told my Mum that I'd been raped. She was shocked and didn't say very much. Now she will have to deal with me appearing to be a lesbian."
As Julie left to go back to her house she wanted to give Sarah a kiss, but hesitated, not knowing how she would react.
"Come here," said Sarah and gave a small two-second kiss. It was all she could manage, but it was a start.
That festive period, two lost souls found each other and a new happiness took root. The pains, buried deep inside both souls, began to heal. As they both grow, leaving their pain behind, would they stay together? Perhaps, perhaps not, but the Christmas Spirit was happy that they'd been given a chance to live once more.
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An Important Conversation
by Karen Page
When Poppy questions her sexuality, she discovers more than she expected
Thanks to Holly Hart for editing
"Mum, do you have a few minutes?" Poppy asked, as she walked into the kitchen. Her mum was sat at the table sipping a cup of tea.
Jenny smiled as her sixteen year-old daughter wandered into the room. The sun that filtered through the kitchen window sparkled against Poppy's hair, making it look even lighter than it usually was. It was unusual for her daughter to be up this early on a Saturday, but by the looks of her, she hadn't slept well.
"Of course," Jenny responded, putting her tea down. "Do you want a cuppa?"
"I can make myself one." She went across to the worktop and took an English Breakfast teabag from the canister. As she poured the boiling water into the cup, she mentally kicked herself for missing the important words. "I forgot to say, this is an important conversation."
Jenny stiffened when she heard the words important conversation. It was over a year since they'd last had one of these chats and it had been quite a few more years since they'd come up with the phrase.
"I see." Jenny's heartbeat rose slightly as she wondered what was in store for this chat.
Poppy gave a fleeting glance at her mum. She was very nervous at what she was going to say. Since the initial surprise about Jenny finding out about her child being transgendered, they'd come up with the phrase important conversation to signify it was something about the transition that they needed to discuss.
Jenny waited patiently as Poppy got herself together. Poppy took her time adding the milk into her cup and then continued to stir the tea well past the time needed. Jenny came to the conclusion that whatever Poppy was worried about was difficult for her. Yet Jenny didn't get up from her chair, but waited. She'd learnt over the years that comforting Poppy at this stage just caused her to clam up.
Poppy didn't sit down, but moved to rest her back against the corner of the work surfaces. Not once did she look directly at her mum. She'd wrestled most of the night with how to explain what was wrong and how she felt. However, now she was doing it, the words just wouldn't come out. After five drawn out minutes Poppy knew she couldn't say what she wanted and started making her way towards the door. Her cup of tea now cold, but very well stirred, was left abandoned.
"And where do you think you're going?" Jenny uttered, her voice hardened. "You know the rules that we came up with. You've let me know that there is something regarding your transition you need to speak about and you can't leave the room for any circumstances until you've told me."
"But I need the toilet."
"You tried that three years ago and look what happened that time. Now you know that I'm not going to shout, and that I try to help as best as I can. Both of us will stay here until we have the situation sorted. You can sit with me, or stand by the cupboards, but we will stay here until you've told me what you need to tell me."
Poppy scurried back to her cupboard, took her cup of tea, and put it in the microwave for a spot of reheating.
"I don't know how you can do that," commented Jenny.
"Do what?"
"Nuke your tea. It tastes horrid after."
"Tastes fine by me."
The microwave pinged and Poppy removed the cup. Instead of drinking it though, she began to stir once again. Jenny had long finished her tea and was sat back, waiting for her daughter to talk.
The grandfather clock in the corner struck ten. Poppy sighed to herself. She'd been hoping to get the chat out of the way by now and be on her way to see her best friend Donna.
"It's about my sexuality," muttered Poppy. She stole a glance at her mum, but Jenny just sat there looking at her daughter, waiting for her to continue.
"I know that Androcur stops me getting aroused, but it is frustrating me not knowing if I'm going to fancy someone."
Jenny again didn't say anything, but then Poppy turned and signalled that she was waiting for her mum to respond.
"Yes, Androcur does stop you getting aroused. To get sexually excited, even women need a little bit of testosterone. However, I'm told it only does that. It shouldn't stop you from getting to know someone or finding someone attractive."
"I was wondering if I should stop taking the tablets to see if it helped me work it out."
Jenny was glad that Poppy wasn't watching her at that stage, or she would have seen someone with a look of total shock and amazement.
Jenny didn't respond for a moment while she tried to work out what to say. Eventually she said, "It isn't up to me to agree or disagree. You are the one who announced at the age of nine that you wanted to be female. You were the one who talked to the child psychiatrists and got upset because the NHS wouldn't prescribe blockers to someone under sixteen. You were the one who talked to the specialists from abroad who explained what it would mean to delay your male puberty and agreed it was right for you to take anti-androgens. You were the one who stole my birth control pills so you just didn't just delay puberty, but went through a female one. What will be the outcome if you stop?"
"I find out who turns me on?"
"I meant to your body."
"What do you mean?" asked Poppy so sweetly and innocently.
"Don't play that game with me. You know I keep a track on your internet usage and you know full well what the impact of stopping your medication will be. Now answer the question."
Poppy looked like she was going to burst into tears. "As the oestrogen level in my body decreases I will start to get something like the menopause. If I've not totally killed of my balls, then some testosterone might get created."
"Which could trigger male characteristics such as facial hair, lower voice etc," finished Jenny. "Do you want to go back to living as male?"
"No."
"You want to have to go through electrolysis?"
"No." At this point Poppy did burst into tears.
"If you don't want to-"
Jenny didn't have chance to finish her question, because Poppy burst out, "I hadn't thought it through. I'm not going to stop taking my tablets."
Poppy reached for the box of tissues that was on the side near her and cleaned herself up. "I just thought that I could have that experience and hadn't thought the other effects would come so quick."
"You did start the blockers before you started puberty, so you might be lucky and you don't the effects. But do you want to take the risk?"
"No."
Poppy again put her cold cup of tea in the microwave. Jenny just shook her head.
When Poppy had finished reheating her tea for the second time, Jenny asked, "Okay, so why don't you tell me what brought this on?"
"I found out that two people fancy me."
"That's nice darling, but don't let it affect your studying."
Poppy gave a small laugh. 'Don't affecting studying' was often a response Jenny used when Poppy talked about relationships.
Jenny continued; glad to see her daughter laughing again. "Can I ask who?"
"Donna and Stephen."
That caused Jenny to sit up and look hard at her daughter in surprise. "Really?"
Poppy nodded, not expecting such a response from her mum. "Didn't you think that nobody would like me?"
"Oh it isn't that," quickly reassured Jenny. "You are very beautiful. It is just I wasn't expecting those two names."
Donna lived three houses to the left their house and was Poppy's best friend. They'd known each other since nursery. Stephen had been good friends before Poppy had started transitioning and was one of the male friends that Poppy still hung around with since she'd left the football team. Both knew Poppy's history.
"Neither have an issue with me." Poppy was still being defensive.
"Obviously. So what has got you so upset?"
"Well if one of them asks me out, who should I go out with? Which is right?"
Jenny put up her finger to indicate that she was going to answer, but was thinking. "I can't really answer this. From a purely traditional perspective girls normally go out with boys. So if somebody didn't know your history it would be expected for you to go out with a boy. However, your birth certificate says something else, and until you get it changed you couldn't marry a man. From a birth point of view, some might expect you to go out with a girl. Personally, as long as you are happy, I don't care."
"Do you think I might be bisexual?"
"Who knows? But remember, cheating is cheating."
"I'm not like Uncle Andrew."
"Thank goodness for that! So why do you think you might be bisexual?"
"Well I've tried kissing both of them and it didn't feel wrong with either of them."
"You've already kissed them?"
"Well yes. All three of us were all at Donna's house last week doing some studying. They were asking me to make up my mind on who I would go out with."
"You were supposed to be there studying Geography, not each other's tonsils!" Jenny rebuked. "Anyway, didn't you say that Donna was going out with Stephen?"
"They were. They broke up last month after going out for six months."
"Just don't try a threesome," warned Jenny. "I did that once."
"Oh this I must hear about," laughed Poppy.
"No way. Not until you are at least eighteen."
"Oh come on, Mum!"
They both stopped as they heard the front door and a moment later Peter, Poppy's dad staggered into the kitchen with bags of shopping.
"Am I disturbing something?" he asked, as he dropped them on the floor.
"We were having an important conversation," Jenny replied.
"And Mum was trying to avoid telling me about part of her youth," Poppy added.
"Now that does sound interesting," Peter added, putting some food in the freezer. "Which part, love?"
"George and Tim." Jenny blushed furiously.
"Ah, that came up last week while I was having a drink with them in the White Hart. They still talk about it as the best night of their lives."
"You slept with two gay men?" Poppy squealed.
"And I'm not telling you any more details," Jenny said firmly. "I don't kiss and tell. And no telling Becky about it either. Remember, what gets said in this room stays in this room."
"I know, and I wouldn't tell Becky about what her Dads have done. She's only fourteen and no kid that age thinks about their parents having sex."
"Talking-" Peter started. He however was quickly interrupted by Jenny.
"Not now. We need to finish the important conversation first."
"So what have I missed?" said Peter, switching on the kettle. "Cuppa for anyone?"
"Green tea," Jenny responded.
"I've got a drink already," said Poppy.
"We were discussing Poppy's sexuality. It seems she is frustrated that she can't decide if she fancies boys or girls."
"What's the rush?" Peter instantly responded. "I thought this part would be resolved after you've had your op?"
"Donna and Stephen both fancy me and I can't decide which to go out with," Poppy added.
"Ah, so that's how you got onto George and Tim."
"I was warning her that threesomes don't work."
"Yep, but remember that sixsome?" teased Peter.
"You what?!" Poppy again squealed. She couldn't believe her ears. Her parents were Mrs Prim and Mr Proper.
"He's just kidding you," quickly reassured Jenny. "Peter, if you can't keep this serious then you will need to just leave this chat between me and Poppy."
"I'll be good," he promised, passing Jenny her tea and then taking a seat next to his wife. "So if you like both of them, what is the problem of accepting a date with one of them?"
"I don't know which to choose. There are issues with both. If I accept Stephen, then will that upset Donna, and vice versa. If I go out with Stephen then to the majority of people it will appear to be a heterosexual relationship, but there are some that remember that I was born male. Would people then think that Stephen was gay? If I go out with Donna then people would think she is a lesbian, even though I haven't had the op, and people who did know about my past might think that I'm not really transgendered because I'm seeing a girl."
Peter was at a loss. "You've obviously been thinking about it."
"Didn't you hear her moving around most of the night?" Jenny asked.
"No, I was asleep," Peter retorted. "Anyway, wouldn't it be a bad idea going out with either of them?"
"Why?" asked Poppy.
"Because they are your best friends," Peter said lamely.
"Have you talked to Donna and Stephen about your concerns?" Jenny asked.
"Ooh, I bet she hasn't," Peter murmured loudly enough for everyone to here. He got elbowed by Jenny.
"Of course I haven't. You know how much I hate talking about transition stuff. I just like to live as if I've always been Poppy."
"For some of it, you might be in a no-win situation. For instance if you don't go out with any of them then they might both be upset."
"Well-"
"Don't say it," warned Peter, pointing to 'Duh' fine tin. Poppy hadn't needed to put any money in for the last few months.
"Sorry. Of course I've thought about that."
Jenny leaned back and grabbed the cordless phone from its charging cradle. She dialled the six digit number off by heart and after a few rings it was answered. "Oh hi Julie. Is Donna up? She is? Can I have a word?"
"You can't do that," said Poppy, horrified at the thought of her mother talking to her best friend.
"She can and she already is," pointed out Peter. "Don't you trust your mum?"
"Oh hi Donna, this is Mrs Plant. I was wondering if you could come round for a chat about Poppy? No you aren't in trouble, but Poppy is a bit anxious about things and I think she needs to talk. Oh, your mum mentioned that Stephen was there. Can you bring him with you?"
"Why are you doing this?" complained Poppy, after Jenny had put the phone back on the cradle.
"Because I don't like seeing you upset. Donna and Stephen aren't the type of people to do that to anybody, let alone you. Therefore I can only assume that they don't know how it is impacting you. Since you are too close, I think it might help with a third party letting them know.
"But Mum!"
"Are you going to drink that tea?" she responded.
"When I'm ready. You're having a right go at me today."
Jenny and Peter glanced at each other as if to agree that this was their Poppy when she was very nervous.
"Can you two sort out some snacks?" requested Jenny, getting up. "I'm going make sure the lounge looks respectable."
When Jenny had left the kitchen, Poppy and her Dad burst out laughing. Jenny was very house proud and there wasn't a chance that the lounge wasn't only respectable, it would be spotless. Added to the fact that Donna and Stephen were such frequent visitors that they could almost call it a second home.
The doorbell rang which caused Poppy to jump. "Mum'll get it," Peter said, as he got out a tub of biscuits from the top cupboard.
"What's she up to?" Poppy enquired.
"Just settling them into the lounge and reassuring them that they aren't in trouble."
"Oh."
That is some of what Jenny was doing. Peter only had a feeling based on what he thought his wife would do.
"Oh hi," Jenny said as she answered the door to the two young friends of Poppy. "Let's go into the lounge. Poppy will be with us in a minute."
"Are we in trouble?" asked Stephen.
"Why?"
"Because you are a lot more formal than you usually are."
They went into the lounge. Donna and Stephen sat on the three seat settee, while Jenny just hovered.
"Poppy is having a bit of a crisis. One of the things mentioned was you both have asked her out. Were you both being serious?"
"I would love for her to be my girlfriend," replied Stephen.
"I love her with all my heart," Donna added, going red with embarrassment. "I know it's wrong, but that's how I feel."
Jenny smiled at them. "No, it isn't wrong to follow your heart like this for either of you. You both have stood by Poppy and helped her as she's grown. It's just she now is in a quandary and asked me for help. However, it isn't something I can directly help with, but I hope you two can."
They both promised to try.
"Let me go and get Poppy. She isn't too happy about me getting you to join this chat."
Before anyone could say anything else Jenny slipped out of the room. She didn't go to the kitchen but leaned against the wall in the hallway and let out a sigh. Ever since Poppy had told her that her best friends fancied her she had been hoping that it had just been some way of helping Poppy. However, now they had admitted they did fancy her then … she shuddered at the thought of the upcoming conversations and prayed that she wouldn't have to explain certain things.
'Pull yourself together,' she chastised herself and tottered off to the kitchen.
"Why don't you take the snacks through," suggested Jenny. "I'll be through in a minute."
Poppy grabbed the tray and took it into the lounge. Stephen and Donna looked up as she walked into the room and their eyes lit up. Stephen quickly grabbed the coffee table and moved it towards the settee so there was somewhere for Poppy to put the goodies.
"What's going on?" Donna asked, as she grabbed a bag of chicken and bacon crisps and pulled Poppy down onto the settee between her and Stephen.
"We've been having an important conversation."
"Ah," they both exclaimed. They'd been friends for so long that they knew exactly what it meant.
"And it isn't finished."
Donna and Stephen both looked slightly stunned. They'd never been involved like this before. Jenny came in and took one of the single seaters.
"Where's Dad?" Poppy asked.
"He had a few calls to make and will be with us in a few minutes."
"But-" This wasn't really allowed in the rules they'd all laid down.
"Let's just say it's related and leave it at that," Jenny said sourly.
"Do the rules apply to us too?" asked Stephen, echoing Donna's thoughts.
"That's up to you and Poppy. As you know, we have developed the rules that govern the chats over the years out of need. Shall we just play it by ear?"
All three of them nodded.
"Excellent. Poppy, is it okay if I recap?"
Poppy nodded.
"Okay, I would sum it up in two words. Sexuality and Relationships. First she doesn't know if she fancies boys or girls. She has kissed you both, but is still no nearer. She even thought about coming off HRT to see if that would help."
That caused an outburst from both Donna and Stephen, but it was Donna's that Jenny found most interesting. She gave a Poppy a small slap. "How could you even think of that? After I went on The Pill and persuaded my GP to put me on one that would work as HRT for you?"
"It was just a thought and I'm not going to," responded Poppy, rubbing her cheek where Donna had struck.
Donna and Stephen calmed down and Donna apologised for hitting her. She even tried to kiss the red mark better, much to Jenny's amusement.
"So that's at least two people you've scrounged their contraceptives from," remarked Jenny. "How many are you taking a day?"
"Three," replied Poppy honestly. "But I'm not telling you who."
"I know, you promised. Donna, I'm not going to tell your mum, but does she know?"
"Yes, she does. She said she would have done it herself, but it seems she can't have any more children and the doctor would think it a bit strange someone in her condition asking to go on The Pill."
They all had a bit of laugh about that. The village wasn't that big and they all saw one of two doctors that were in the local surgery. It won't be surprising if the doctors both knew unofficially where Poppy was getting her female puberty from.
"Okay, so Poppy is upset that she doesn't know who to fancy; boys or girls. Secondly, that you both wanting to go out with her has got her concerned. I'll let her explain that one as she did it so well earlier."
"Are you being sarcastic?" Poppy queried.
"No, being honest."
Peter walked into the room and sat on the other spare seat. Jenny looked at his grim face. "How many?"
"Both. If you need to. And they are all rather glad you are doing it rather than them. Oh and you have permission to tell them about the third if you've mentioned about the other two."
"Charming."
The three youngsters looked very confused about the cryptic conversation that Poppy's parents were having. Jenny signalled for Poppy to continue.
"Okay. I have two relationship issues. One, if I went out with one of you the other one might get upset."
That was met with instant denials. Stephen though summed it up the best. "You didn't get upset when we started seeing each other."
"You two made a great couple and shouldn't have split over me."
"And the second reason?" asked Donna.
"It doesn't do much for your reputations. There are enough people who remember how I was born and would portray you Stephen as being gay. And if I went out with you Donna, it would portray you as being lesbian."
"I'm bisexual," responded Donna. "You already know that and I've never denied it at school."
"And everyone knows that I treat you as you are; a girl. I don't think I know anybody that doesn't."
"You two don't make it easy, do you?" Poppy complained as her two friends both inched closer. If they made the gap any less they would have been sat on her knees.
"You could have sex with us and see if that helps," Donna suggested
Poppy spat out the crisps she was munching on. She couldn't believe Donna would have suggested such a thing in front of her parents. And she hadn't softened it by saying "making love".
Jenny and Peter hadn't batted an eyelid over it. Jenny did say, "Poppy they are both ten months younger than you, don't you have any control over them?"
"It doesn't seem so. Donna, it seems a nice idea, but I don't plan on sleeping around."
Jenny relaxed a bit at that.
"We could do it in one go. Then you wouldn't be sleeping around," added Stephen.
"No! No! No!" wailed Jenny making everyone in the room jump.
"Isn't that rather-" Poppy started, but stopped when she heard the front door open.
Peter jumped out of his seat to find his younger son dumping his sports bag in the hall.
"Hi Dad, is it okay if I go out?" asked Zack.
"Where too?"
"Billy's dad is driving him into town. I was thinking of going too."
"Okay. You have your mobile?"
"Yep."
"Okay, make sure you're back by five."
No sooner had the door opened than it slammed shut again. Peter rejoined them in the lounge. They'd all heard the conversation, so there was no need to explain.
"I think you were going to accuse me of being a hypocrite," said Jenny raising her eyebrows.
"Sorry," apologised Poppy.
"In some respects I suppose I am. However there was a reason why I was in a threesome."
There was a gasp of shock from Donna and Stephen. They hadn't expected this.
"What I'm going to say stays here. Do you all promise?"
Poppy quickly agreed, as she thought she had already. On seeing Poppy nod, the other two followed.
"Do you two know Tim and George?"
"Becky's Dads?"
"Yes. Well they wanted a child, so I agreed to be a surrogate mother."
"Isn't that done by artificial insemination?" Donna asked.
"If done officially. This, however, was about as unofficial as you could get. They think Becky is a bit too young to know yet, hence why you mustn't tell anybody. Tim and George don't want to know who the biological father is, so I slept with both. The father could be either of them."
Jenny came to a stop and looked pleadingly at her husband.
Peter nodded and continued, "Becky was the third child that we helped unofficially come into the world. We helped two other couples who couldn't have children." Peter paused hoping he wouldn't have to explain more, but when there was no response he continued. "Stephen, your Dad couldn't sire a child, so I assisted when your parents asked."
"And Donna, your mother could never-" Jenny couldn't say anymore. Donna and Stephen had got the message.
"You mean that Donna and Stephen are my brother and sister," Poppy gaped.
"Biologically half-brother and half-sister. Though since Donna and Stephen aren't related, there were no issues when they went out together."
The room was filled with silence. The three children were shocked at the revelation.
"We didn't want to tell you," said Jenny after they'd all had a few minutes to recover. "Your parents didn't want you to know and we were just help."
"I see why we had to be told," said Donna eventually. "You couldn't let us sleep with Poppy."
"Incest isn't a nice word," murmured Peter more to himself than the rest of the room.
"So what now?" asked Stephen, sounding deflated. His perspective of life had been thrown into turmoil.
"About Poppy or your parents?"
"Both, I suppose."
"Your parents are still your parents. They're the ones named on your birth certificate. They're the ones who have brought you up. They're the ones who have instilled their values and guided you. They are your parents. As for Poppy, she has found a new half-brother and half-sister."
"But aren't you named as my Mother on my birth certificate?" Donna asked Jenny, rather puzzled.
"It seems there was a mix-up at the hospital," admitted Jenny, blushing a great deal. "They seemed to think my name was Julie."
"So legally-" started Poppy.
"Don't go there," jumped in Peter. "You know the truth and that is what matters. I'll admit that once Poppy is post-op there isn't any chance of anything bad occurring. She won't be able to sire a child or have one, but it would still be wrong."
"So I'm back to square one?" sighed Poppy. "I still don't know if I fancy boys or girls."
"Not quite," said Donna, squeezing her best friend's hand. "You don't have to worry about choosing between me and Stephen now."
Poppy broke into a smile. "That's true. So are we all going into town like we planned?"
"Poppy, I think Donna and Stephen should go home to see their parents," Jenny gently suggested. "Why don't you go out later or tomorrow?"
As Donna and Stephen walked towards the front door, Donna turned to Poppy and said, "There's always Robert or Hanna."
"No way!" exclaimed Poppy, the immediate worry lifted from her shoulders. "Anyway, we've got our exams to study for."
When the door shut, Poppy turned to her parents. "Are you going to tell Zack?"
"Not yet," said Jenny. "Not unless we find he fancies Becky."
"Why did you keep what you did a secret?"
"For several reasons. Before today, nobody needed to know was probably the biggest reason. Also, the law was broken when the births were registered wrongly. We did what we did because we had friends who needed our help. We aren't ashamed of what we did, but we keep it quiet so those that do help others can keep doing so."
"Thank you for helping me," said Poppy, giving both her parents a hug.
"We've not done much apart from let you be you," laughed Peter as he hugged his daughter back. "You are the one who has broken all the rules on that."
Poppy smiled and skipped off back to her room to do some studying, wondering if there was anything else she didn't know about her parents. One thing she did know was that they were two great loving people and she wouldn't want any other parents in the world.
Denied
by Karen Page
Tina, with tears streaming down her face and her heart shattered, parked the car into a deserted car park. During the day, this was a beauty spot, with breath taking views of the surrounding area. Till midnight, it was a spot for lovers. At two in the morning, it was desolate.
She got out the hosepipe and secured it inside the exhaust pipe, padding the gaps with an old sock so the fumes would travel up the pipe. The other end she pushed through the front passenger window and blocked the gap with a damp towel. She did this with a painful determination, no longer willing to hope.
Climbing into the driver's seat, she firmly shut the door and locked it. Tina opened the glove compartment, removed an envelope and placed it on the passenger seat in full view. There was a single word "Yvonne" placed in shaky handwriting on its cover. Tina placed her right hand on the keys that were already in the ignition and, taking a final deep breath of fresh air, turned on the engine.
Tina's final journey had started.
"This is the only way," said Tina to herself as she waited for the effects to start. It would have been quicker if this had occurred in the garage but that might have been discovered. No, here was the best place. This place that is so desolate, which matched her soul.
For the last five years, Jason had been the top trouble-shooter in the company. When he'd told his bosses about his medical condition they were shocked but supportive, as any good boss should be. Within a month, more menial tasks were being assigned and Jason was moved into a mundane position that would be the first to go in any cutbacks. A month later, Tina replaced Jason in the company. Three months after, Tina was one of the twelve that were surplus to requirements.
With a sigh mixed with sorrowful tears for her shattered dreams, Tina looked across the valley and the vast amount of twinkling lights. They didn't seem as clear as earlier, or maybe it was just wishful thinking. The air in the car smelt horrible and try as she might, Tina couldn't help coughing as the fumes filled her lungs. The end was getting closer. She removed her gaze from the lights below and checked that the precious envelope was still beside her, awaiting the person to find the car. All Tina had to do was open a window or the door and nobody would know. The thought crossed her weakening mind but she fought against the desire.
Tina was finding it hard to concentrate, her mind kept wandering. To focus her mind she pulled out a picture of Yvonne and their two young children. Helen was two and Jayne just four. Four last Saturday, remind Tina to herself, and I wasn't allowed to come to the party. Since Yvonne had emotionally asked Tina to leave, she had been denied access to see her children. Yvonne wouldn't even acknowledge phone calls or letters. Without a job, Tina had no money to fight for access.
Tina began to feel weak and light headed. No longer could she cough up the fumes from her lungs. Her time was rapidly coming to an end. With one last effort she unlocked the car door. If someone came they would be able to get her out. The darkness enclosed around her and she slipped into unconsciousness. Tina had stopped crying now; she was in the land of her dreams. Only someone driving past could now save her.
Nobody came.
At just past six the following morning Tina was found dead, the picture of Yvonne and the children on her lap.
* * *
"We are here to say our final farewell to Jason Paul Bishop," intoned the vicar, the coffin resting at the front of the church.
At the back of the church sat two ladies and a man. These were friends of Tina's that had stuck by her through the torture of the last few years. Becky, Tina's closest friend looked stunned at the vicar. She knew Yvonne had got Tina's letter otherwise she wouldn't have been notified of Tina's death. However, Tina's final dying wish, clearly stated in the envelope had been denied. Her dying wish to be buried as Tina, the person her soul dictated rather than Jason, the name given at birth.
During her thirty years of life, Tina had been denied. Now during death she was denied again. Only to be remembered by the few that knew the happy soul that Tina Francis Bishop was.
By: Annette MacGregor & Karen Page
More goes on in and around Hayfield Hall than is possible to cover in A New Style of Education (NE) or A New Style of Education: Hidden Gifts (HG). This page starts a series of independent story segments of various lengths that expand upon what is contained in the main story lines.
These segments include crossover tales outside the timeline of the main stories or present events from someone else's point of view. As a result, it is hoped that the reader is able to gain a better understanding of the universe, the school, and the main stories. As always comments are greatly appreciated by both authors. Unless otherwise indicated, these stories are “canon” and should be considered on par with the two main story lines.
While NE and HG can be read on their own merits, without reference to the other, readers may find that reading both is useful to their understanding of events at Hayfield Hall. These interludes also expand this understanding, but lose much of their meaning to those who have not at least read one of the two main lines referencing Hayfield Hall.
Unless otherwise noted, all interludes may be considered part of the universe storyline. These interludes may be read in any order.
[Author’s note. Other Interludes exist, and will be posted over time, first as a title showing it exits, then as a linked story once they are complete and posted."]
Spring 2004 before student selection for the new year has completed
Interlude-05 - "Student Selection", or "How did an American end up at Hayfield Hall?"
Summer 2004
Interlude 04 — Why were Dr. Bill and Kate Mayhew replaced between HG & NE?
Early Fall, 2005. In the three weeks prior to the trip to France
Interlude 01 — Dan Meets David
Late Autumn 2007 through Early Spring 2008
Interlude 02 — How one staff member got to Hayfield Hall.
By: Annette MacGregor & Karen Page
Some students seem to build friendships irrespective of age, or year. David/Jayne and Dan/Sophia are two that have done this more than once in the stories. How did these two meet for the first time?
I guess I'd gotten used to folks stopping by to listen to the grand, while I was practicing. Okay, not really, but I also wasn't so completely oblivious to all that was going on around me when I was playing on that beautiful instrument either. I'd just finished one of my pieces and figured I may as well play something they'd recognize and smoothly shifted to Billy Joel's "The Entertainer" since it had some similar themes. I wonder how long it'll take whoever it is to realize I switched into this. I smiled to myself, then wondered if my audience would know him. Only one in my year had known Billy, when the year started. They learned better. Maybe I should have played the Joplin piece. These Brits know it better.
Noticing that my observer hadn't moved, I stopped at the end of the piece. "If you're going to stand there, do you have any requests?" Oops. That should have been in French! After last year, I should remember. "Pardonnez-moi."
"Mais, bien sá»r," responded a young voice, then continuing in French. "Sorry, I had no idea you knew I was here."
I laughed lightly. "I've learned to be a bit more aware of what's going on around me when I play." Getting up from the stool, and turning toward the voice, I saw one of the first year girls. "Hi, I'm Sophia."
"Oh, hi, I'm Jayne."
Hmmm. The name's familiar. I wonder why? Oh well, we'll see.
"I was passing by and heard you playing. I hadn't realized anyone was allowed to play that." She indicated the Steinway.
Laughing. "Mrs. Russell said I could, as long as I notified her when it needed to be tuned or if I noticed any other issues."
"I didn't know anyone here actually played the piano. I mean, when do you have time?"
"I make time, and you'll find, sooner or later, that Mrs. Russell's not the only other player. I take it you've not had an opportunity to have singing lessons yet?" At her negative shake, "Stopping by at times like this is one way I find the time."
"We can study alternate instruments? Wait, Kevin told me that a while back."
I smiled again, "Yes, quite a few of the older students play two, or even more, though they do tend to spend more time on their primary. Most play their primary instrument in the orchestra, though, I have it on good authority that secondary instruments are sometimes played, if only to provide a better distribution there."
"Wow, if that's your secondary instrument, I can't imagine how you are on your primary." Then, as if the penny dropped, "The piano's your primary, isn't it?"
Her question gave me the clue I'd needed. This is David. It's hard to believe he is actually a guy, though. Unless David spent a lot of time as a girl before coming here, his passing is pretty awesome. I spent most of my first months taking the classes to be able to BE a girl, rather than fake one. I've surprised folks too, and for some of us, that's important. Well, to be honest with myself, it seems to be for Andy, me and a few others. Heck, even Mark's not clowning much anymore. "Yes, I'm learning percussion for playing with the orchestra. I understand I'll get to start on the snares in the autumn."
"Oh, that's where I've seen you, in the back with," she paused a moment, as if reaching for names, "Andy and Andrea."
"Yes, they've both been very helpful!" Hmmm. She knows some kids from the upper years well enough to know their names, without being in our section. That pretty much cinches that he's one of the specials like Fran and Ingrid. "You're in the brass somewhere?"
"I play the horn."
Thinking back, I reviewed the others, as if I needed it to place him, no HER. I should know better. "Ahh, yes, I recognize you now." Now what? "So, what brings you out at this hour? I was about to wrap up and head for my room."
"I had to go and see Rachel."
"I see. The support staff are all really good here, and Rachel seems okay. I kinda miss Kate and Dr. Bill, though."
"Kate? Dr. Bill?"
"She was the head of the support staff last year and Dr. Bill was our physician until they both retired a few months ago."
"Oh. That's right. Rachel mentioned she was new."
"Yeah, Fran and Ingrid had a bit of a tough time switching over. But, they say Rachel's been really good."
"You know Ingrid and Fran too? You're in year two, aren't you?"
This girl will need some watching. She's really perceptive. I nodded. "I guessed you must be first year when I had to think to work out who you were."
"It's a bit hard learning everyone's name, along with having to do everything in French."
"Oh, you're not that far behind. We've all just been through this before, and, a new language is much easier after you've learned a few; specially a related one. Our trips last year helped a little, despite the very different way the French pronounce some stuff."
"Thanks for the encouragement."
"Any time; if you need help practicing, feel free to call."
"Thanks for the offer. One of our year is a languages specialist. He's been really helpful to all of us."
"I'm sure, and this living the language is so effective!" I could see Jayne nodding agreement.
"Do you think you'll be playing the piano with the orchestra any time soon?"
"Soon? I'm not sure, but Mrs. Russell's given me piano accompaniment for every piece we've done so far. She indicated that I'd eventually be there. I don't know that I'm ready, though I will admit that I've gotten much better over the last year. Still, I have a long way to go before I think I'm ready." My PDA chimed then. "Oops. Now we really need to get a move on."
I stood up, and collected my music.
"How do you handle the pedals in those heels?"
I laughed. "I asked myself the same question last year when I got here. I've discovered that if I stick to under four or five centimeters, I'm okay. I can do it barefoot easier, but with a long piece it's not comfortable and if I ever solo, I can't see Mrs. Russell being happy with me kicking my shoes off as I prepare to play."
That produced a laugh from Jayne. "No, I can't see her approving of that, either."
I tried to recall a little about Jayne. Then, remembering her attire and where I'd seen her name recently, I knew I'd seen the name. I'd best check if she's dressed so she and Helen can room together on the trip. "Oh, from your attire, is it safe to assume you want to share a room, in France, with Helen?"
Jayne gave me a sharp look. "Of course, but why are you asking?" I could see a questioning expression on her face.
"We normally room those that present as girls together and those as boys separately. Most of the world doesn't accept mixed rooms for teens. I was just confirming that you'd dressed as Jayne to make sure you could room together. Unless you'd rather not…" My voice trailed off at the end, just to check.
"I understand about boys and girls not sharing the same room while we're away, and of course we want to be together. My question was why are YOU asking this?" She gave me a quizzical look.
"Ahhh, sorry, part of my training includes room assignments." I replied. "Part of my specialty is Operations Analysis and Planning." No reason to mention the other part of my specialty, as it sounds a bit strange to me, even after a year. "That sounds pretty impressive, but so far, it seems kind of lame, organizing details for trips." Playing it down, is a good idea, too. I've yet to really figure out what I'm supposed to tell anyone but Renee. "I guess assigning people to rooms is part of that. I select our hotel based on criteria provided by Mr. Hobson and assign rooms, and things like that. When it was first assigned, I thought the name for my specialty was a joke, but I did look it up, and as a result I've wondered what they have planned for me." In case she looks it up, best admit it's not all fluff. "Anyway, Renee's sorting transport for the trip."
"Renee? First trumpet, right? I can see your involvement, I guess. Do you plan all of the trips?"
"I'm not sure. Last year, we did plan for our trips, but, it was only under training to see how our plans compared with the ones made by the staff. This is the first trip they've actually put us in charge of making the actual arrangements."
"I can see your part. I take it Renee's your study partner. Is that why she's helping?"
"No, her specialty is logistics." I could see Jayne's nod. We were approaching the hall with our rooms. "If you want to continue chatting, I'd better get clearance for one of us to be out of our rooms after ten."
"I'd like that, if it wouldn't get you into trouble." I could also see her nodding to herself, as if confirming something.
I laughed. "No, our homework's done."
I quickly sent Dan a note requesting permission for either Jayne or myself to be out after ten, to continue a conversation we'd started."
>> Is it important now, or could it wait? >> |
I thought a minute, and something was telling me I should get to know Jayne better.
<< Not sure why, but I think it is important. << |
>> Okay Sophia, I'll clear it. But, don't make it too late. >> |
<< Thanks. I'll let you know. << |
"We're cleared." Looking up from my PDA, "Your place or mine?" Then, I was careful to not start, as I realized why Dan might have questioned me. After the suicide watch following Jessica's attempt, the staff are all probably uber sensitive.
"It doesn't make much difference, but Helen might like to hear some of this, so why not my place?"
I nodded. "Yours it is. I'd best ping Renee and let her know." I sent Renee a note about where I'd be and that it was approved.
>> Okay. Sounds like you're doing another of your helpful chats. Are you going to adopt her entire year, or is Jayne just a single project? >> |
I told her I'd let her know when I got there, while laughing a little. She'd been teasing me about mothering the year for the past few months, and if I were honest to myself, it wasn't totally unwarranted.
"What's so funny, Sophia?"
"Renee was just teasing me about something. Despite the authorization, we'd best get to your room." I didn't want to have to go into the teasing right now, as that'd just complicate things.
Jayne nodded. "Are all of the staff so quick to respond? I know Rachel's been very available."
That pretty much cinches that Rachel's her primary staff. She's got Rachel. Hmmm. I wonder if Helen has her too. "I think so; at least they have been so far." I walked with Jayne to her room. Jayne presents well. They'd not let her go as Jayne, if she weren't up to it. I wondered if Jayne had learned to present for reasons like I had, or if she had some other motive for doing it. Either way, it must have been before coming to the school, because she's not been practicing the whole time. Her business, but, if there's something I can help with... My thoughts trailed off as we arrived at her room. Not surprisingly, it was one of the rooms that had been refurbished following the old year's graduation.
Jayne headed for the open connecting door, and tapped on the frame, "Helen, I've got Sophia with me from year-two," she called.
Helen came through the door, a smile on her face
Jayne pitched in, "I found Sophia in that fancy room off the main entrance–with the grand piano."
"They call it the Music Parlour," I supplied.
"Fancy name," Helen responded.
"She was practicing on the grand," Jayne continued. "I'm afraid I disturbed her a bit, but we started talking, and decided to come back here to continue before curfew."
"I was wondering how close you'd cut it this time," Helen teased. "Thanks for bringing back my wayward partner, but won't you get into trouble for staying out late?"
I laughed at their obvious friendship. "No, I cleared it with Dan before coming over. As long as we clear things, most of the rules are flexible. Jayne and I were chatting, and I figured it wouldn't hurt to get to know you two better."
"She asked if we wanted to share a room on the field trip."
At Helen's questioning look, I rescued Jayne. "I'm responsible for organizing a bunch of aspects of the trip, as practice for my speciality which includes planning."
Helen nodded then, "I guess that's like the stuff you've been doing with Julia," she said to Jayne.
I was a bit surprised at her use of the first name, but figured it must be because she asked their class to call her by her first name. Turning to Jayne, "I guess you're doing something with computer systems, like Ingrid and her network stuff. She spends a lot of time with Ms. Toms, as well." First name's fine for her, but I can't see it for me. All the other staff are Mr or Ms, well, except the shrinks and Dr. Sue.
Jayne agreed. Then, before any of us could go further, Helen suggested we sit down. She and Jayne sat together on her settee, and I took the chair opposite them.
Interesting how close they are already. Wait, didn't I hear something about them knowing each other before coming to the Hall?
Jayne started. "But, to your remark before we sat down. Yes, I'm studying computer systems."
"Makes sense for someone in your year to work on something like that, as June graduated; Ms Toms was doing most of it with just Ingrid for help. Though, even there, I guess we're lucky to have Ms Toms full time. She was part-time last winter and spring. There was some guy here when we started, but he left right after the audit. Then, June was doing most of the stuff until Ms Toms started." I thought back to the time of the systems audit, last fall and shook my head.
"What?"
"Oh, they had an external company come in last year, and they apparently gave the school a mixed report. A few months later, our full time computer teacher left, and Ms Toms was here more often. She'd be here a few days or a week at a stretch, then be off somewhere. There was this long break back in May; then she was back by early June."
"Sounds like there was quite a lot of staff turnover last year."
I thought about it. "No, not really; like I told Jayne earlier, there was Dr. Bill and Kate Mayhew who left and were replaced, and Ms Toms being added. I guess you could say she replaced our original computer teacher. Apparently our language teachers vary occasionally, 'cause they brought in someone to help in Spanish–well Catalan–last year."
"Catalan?"
I nodded in response to Helen's question. "One of our concerts was in Barcelona last year, and while they speak Spanish, the native language of that part of Spain is Catalan. We didn't learn Catalan, they just helped us recognize it and have a few phrases, and shift our accent a bit. There wasn't time to do more."
"Why not?"
"We only got the word of the switch to Barcelona from Madrid a month before we left. So, they helped us speak with a more local accent of Spanish, rather than a Madrid accent, like we'd been learning."
I could see both of them getting the idea.
We talked on for almost an hour. They confirmed that they'd not only known each other before coming here, they'd even been close friends until their last few years in school. I shared some of the places I'd lived over the years, and the variety of schools. They both seemed like really nice kids. Listen to me, calling them kids. Renee'd certainly call me on that. I glanced at the time on my PDA, which I'd put on the armrest of my chair. Seeing how late it was getting to be, "I'd probably best get back to my room pretty soon, or Dan'll have my hide."
At their startled looks, "Sorry, just kidding. If I'd said we needed to have this talk for your wellbeing or some such, we could go as late as we needed. If you've not noticed, the school goes a LONG way to ensure that we get all the help we need."
Their response seemed to be mixed, so I expanded, "Seriously, if Dr. Ruiz hasn't told you yet, a dozen times, she's very different from Dan. I know the support staff, and other students were telling us that until we could hear it in our sleep last year. They also seem to really mean it."
"Okay, okay. Yes, they have said that. It's just hard to really believe, after my old school."
I nodded understanding a bit, as Jayne had shared some of the things that had happened to her, and I recalled some of the bullying I'd seen. "It took me a while to believe it, and I didn't have the same background you did, so I can understand that. But, as I was saying, if I believed it was important for me to stay NOW, I would, but, I think it'd just be us having fun. We can get together again, if you like."
They agreed to that, and I was shortly on my way to the room. It was far from the first time I was out after curfew, but it still felt a little strange. I thought back to the reason for some of my earliest "late nights" in the halls, and acknowledged to myself that Renee had had a point earlier. I was still smiling at the thought when I opened the door to our room.
She was already in bed, reading, but sat up when I came in. "Went well, did it?"
"They're pretty nice, though I get the feeling that something under the surface is bugging Jayne."
I saw the concern on her face as she climbed out of bed and came over, "Something to worry about?"
I thought about it, then, "No." I started. "Not yet anyway. Besides, she's got a close partner already and, as we saw last spring, Rachel's very quick on the uptake."
I was getting ready for bed myself, at this point, and although I didn't see Renee's expression at my last, I did hear her breath catch at the use of partner instead of study partner. "Yeah, they knew each other growing up, and were good friends until fairly recently. Looks like they've made up for lost time, to be quite honest." I paused, while brushing my hair, "They're already past the awkward stage most of our year is going through; when they realize that they're more than just study partners."
She laughed then. "It did take a while for Claire and Mark to work things out, didn't it?"
I smiled at the memory. Yeah, I'd had a lot of late night chats with both of them last spring. "Very true, though they worked it out. But, back to Helen and Jayne; I wouldn't be surprised to see them do something formal at some point. Whether it's one of the school's ceremonies or like what we did, I don't know.
Renee looked at me quite seriously then. "You're not serious, are you?"
"Actually, I think I am. Oh, not real soon, but it could be sometime this school year. They're that close."
We talked some more before, finally getting into bed for the night.
By: Annette MacGregor & Karen Page
Since first reading the stories about Hayfield Hall, questions have been there about where the staff came from, how they are selected, and other similar points. One example is Dr. Rachel Ruiz. We know she was NOT staff at the school in 2004 and that Kate Mayhew held her position, but by the beginning of A New Style of Education, Dr. Ruiz was established. This interlude doesn't describe how that came to pass, but it does address some of the questions, at least in part. Originally written half in jest, this interlude is included for those readers that may have also had some of these questions.
During the rather pathetic lunch that my meager means could afford, another teacher plopped down with a similar light meal. We got talking about the morning's speakers, and I found myself telling him how worried I was about being able to retain my position come the next fall. There'd been talk about reducing staff at our school, and all of us, without tenure, were a bit worried.
He asked how far I might be willing to travel, and I didn't hesitate to say that despite liking the kids at my current school, moving somewhere might be the best all around. Whereupon he mentioned that while he was not in a position to move, but he'd run across an interesting school that might have an opening.
Intrigued, I asked about the school and upon learning it was in the UK;I asked why they would recruit from so far away. His response described a small school for talented students and that they recruited from all over, in order to have the highest caliber staff that would have the student's interest at heart while also providing as diverse a teaching staff as possible.
Not putting myself in the highest caliber bucket, I figured they'd have trouble finding someone more diverse. However, finding the idea even more intriguing, I expressed further interest, upon which he pulled out a scrap of paper and wrote an e-mail address, saying they preferred to make initial contact via e-mail.
Back at the hotel, I spent a while drafting the e-mail enquiry. I must have revised the enquiry a dozen times. I had so little information; I needed to weave a fine line between enquiring for information and actually applying for an unknown position. Whatever the case, the more I thought about it, the more I came to the conclusion that moving would probably be for the best, and across the ocean was as good as across the country as far as separation was concerned.
Despite my conclusions, I thought seriously about not actually sending the enquiry. The day had been exhausting and I feared I wasn't as coherent as I could be. I wondered if I should even not send it, or at least wait until morning. A quick search showed me that the school did not have a web presence, which I found surprising for what sounded like an exclusive school.
Deciding that second guessing, over and over again, was not getting me anywhere. I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask them for more information. After all, it was just an out of the blue enquiry…
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After sending the note, I decided to so some further digging. Interestingly I did find a few references to an orchestra from a school of that name, all over the world. I also found a ranking of the school on a UK government board that showed astonishing performance on their high level testing. I've never heard of a school achieving 100% success!. If that's the place, they certainly are successful. Then, sighing, I figured if they had a teaching opening, it was for someone with a lot more years of formal teaching experience.
Just as I was about to close down my laptop for the night, I got a mail popup. Wondering if one of my online friends was sending a note, I opened it, and was surprised to see it was a reply to my query. At first I thought it was just an automated daemon, but to my surprise, it seemed to be from the headmaster.
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Surprised, I went ahead and replied, including my snail mail address. I wonder if they expect everyone to keep strange hours...At least I have experience THERE. You can't get much crazier hours than onboard ship or developing software. Shrugging to myself, Well, I can at least see what comes of this.
The next morning there was a brief message stating that a package had been sent to my mailing address.
Upon return home from the conference a few days later, I found the information packet, and invitation to formally apply for a position. What I read along with the pictures they'd included seemed fascinating. As a result, I resolved to apply. It disturbed me a little that they were masking their address with a post office box, but given the exclusiveness of the school, perhaps it was not surprising.
[Author's Note: The remainder of this interlude shows the correspondence between Ms. Grieg and Hayfield Hall with little or no narrative.]
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Stay tuned for more on JMG and Hayfield Hall.
By: Annette MacGregor & Karen Page
As seen in A New Style of Education (in July of 2005) Rachel Ruiz is the Head of the Support Staff, and the previous year (as seen in Hidden Gifts), Kate Mayhew was head. What happened? Another staff change occurred at the same time. Dr. Sue only recently became the primary internist for the school. What happened to cause this change? Did something happen last year to cause this staff change? Was the change voluntary? I wrote this interlude to rationalize, in my mind, why some people in important positions might leave without jeopardizing the school — And, in the case of Rachel, lay the groundwork (in my mind) for why they recruited a new Head, rather than promoted from within.
What follows is a conversation between the Headmaster, and the Head of Support Services shortly following her husband's 70th birthday party celebration. She's just a few years younger than he is and both are well beyond normal retirement age.
"Okay, Quentin, now to the subject I really needed to talk about," continued Kate Mayhew from her seat across the desk from the headmaster; "You know I have to retire this school year."
"Are you sure, Kate? The kids really need you."
"Stacy and Andrew will be fine, but next year is their last year. Stacy can be Beta-One then, but after that, Beta-One will be at best two years younger. I know you have doubts about the Beta program in general, but it's here and here to stay."
"All right, we won't argue the merits of the Beta programme again this time. But, why do you say you have to leave this year? Don't you think staying on a few more years would be better, 'specially with the gap between Stacy and new Beta team candidates?"
"No, I don't. It would be worse if I had to drop suddenly. We need to arrange a smooth transition–for the children's sake."
He sighed in agreement. "I can't argue that. So, who do we switch to your position?"
"That is a problem," Kate replied. "Dan or Tracy would be the obvious candidates, since they've both been here over a decade."
"Tracy won't do. I know she's been here the longest, but she's also the most resistant to the extra activities we're asking the children to perform. While she'd be great organizationally and has the children's best interest at heart, I don't think she could handle your Beta support duties."
"I came to the same conclusion, so I sounded Dan out over the last few weeks. You may be surprised to know he's well aware of many of the extra activities of the school, and has no problem with them. And, before you ask, no, I didn't confirm what he'd concluded, other than to say he'd been very observant. In many ways, he'd be ideal. However..." her voice trailed off at the end.
"What's the problem?"
"He said that he's not willing to swap kids with me so that he can take care of Ingrid and Fran–and, he's right to some extent. Renee is still very uncomfortable around me, so that would mean more disruption to achieve a three way swap." She paused then, "I did try to convince you of the issue last spring, you know."
"Yes, I know. I think part of it is that I see you as the heart of this school." He paused before continuing, "and I have difficulty envisioning the place without you."
"Quentin, Quentin." She shook her head. "The school will be here long after we're both gone. But, since Dan's not an option, we're down to Becky and Keith. Keith's obviously not in the running. He's good with the kids, but doesn't have the personality to deal with the issues. Becky's not much better for a different set of reasons. You know we've had issues where she's got preconceived notions and misinterpreted what the kids have said and done. So far, nobody's been hurt. The worst example was shortly after the new kids started. Somehow, she came to the conclusion that Sophia was TG and was setting her up with Bill to discuss options for postponing puberty. Which event, in turn, was a major factor in early deduction of the 'no contact' rule." She sighed at that.
Quentin was taken aback at this, "I figured that kid would figure things early, but… No, let's get back to Becky."
"I suspect that, with guidance and experience, she'll grow out of this, but she's not there yet.
"I've not seen that myself, Kate, as you've taken care of things in your area, but I'll keep my eyes open now that you've mentioned it. That doesn't leave anyone else, unless we find another head, and I revert back to support."
"No. You're best where you are. I'm afraid we'll need to look outside to find the right person."
"You may be right. I'll pass that on, but we need to take a look at our existing staff as well. Maybe Dan and Renee will come along faster than we expect."
"We can't depend on that, Quentin, and you know it. Ingrid and Fran will be fine. Both of them are very stable now, and will be able to handle a switch to a replacement support person. Besides, there is still the issue we may one day have to face if Sophia's father is posted elsewhere before they finish here."
He sighed again. "You're right again. You know, we didn't want to add the second year five pair three years ago."
"No, but Stacy and Andy weren't ready then, though, they were the next year. We both know that nobody in year two or three are up to it. So, since we'll have to either disband the Beta team, which I don't think is a good idea, or have very young members next year. Which, brings me back to why I think we need to switch this year; this will allow the transition to occur this year, and provide a stable start for the newcomers."
Quentin had no choice but to agree. As he thought about it, he found it ironic that it was a "Hobson's Choice".
Comments are greatly appreciated! Short? Yes, but not much more was needed.
Another mystery is how the students are selected and paired. Part of that process is a selection committee, whose membership includes the headmaster and the support staff. This Interlude doesn't address the entire mystery, but it does show some of the inner workings of the committee.
This interlude opens midway through one of the last selection committee working sessions for the year. The committee is chaired by the head of the support staff, and includes the entire support staff and the headmaster of the school. As is normal at such meetings, the entire committee is present. They have already resolved six of the eight students to make offers to, and are struggling over the final two.
"Are you sure we are equipped to handle a girl with her problems?" asked Quentin.
"If not us, then who? She fits all of our criteria for selection. Surely you won't say someone ELSE is in a better position to help her, Quentin," Dan replied.
"Better, no. But, she will be really hard on both her support staff and even more on her study partner."
"Granted. One of our founding principles as a school is to be here to help children in situations that keep them from attaining their full potential. While they may not have envisioned someone like her when we were set up, can you envision any other school, she might attend, that could help her reach her potential?" Dan continued to drive home his point. "She even has one point in her favor, over the vast majority of our students: she won't be hurt by the restriction against seeing her family."
"That's all well and good, but doesn't help us get through the first year. You know that it's not until near the end of the year, where it becomes obvious that the older kids are not talking about going home, that we generally have to tell them the rule. So, yes the rule is unlikely to impact her, and if we can get her through the year that fact may help the rest of her year mates." Tracy couldn't help but shudder a little, as she thought about the issues the girl faced. "Seriously, gaining her trust, and even getting her to WORK with a study partner are going to be a monumental undertaking."
"We don't even have a decent candidate to be a study partner for her," added Keith. "Even if we did, would it be fair to saddle her with this girl's issues?"
"That's not exactly true, Keith," interposed Kate. "Her study partner does not HAVE to be another girl."
"What, you mean the American? You can't be serious. That has all sorts of potential problems. First, being that he IS an American." At Kate's shaking head, he bulled on, "I know that legally he can attend any of our schools now. What happens if his father is posted elsewhere, before he finishes? Not only that, we've been able to maintain a low profile with the government since our graduates are all we said they'd be when the school was started. Offering him a position will surely cause his government to do a background check on us. Can we stand up to that? And, if they are doing that kind of check, it could bring others' attention to us. While we're not breaking many laws in the way we provide care to our students, we are certainly bending a few."
"If those are your only objections, Keith, I think you need to think about our official charter, and what you just said. Those issues have nothing to do with the boy," Kate said, bringing Keith up short. "The only one that remotely affects him is what happens if his family moves. And, as long as we sponsor him, he can remain and finish, so that's not an issue either."
Keith seemed to draw back, "You're right. I've been thinking of the school and problems we may experience, not the boy." He turned and addressed the others. "Say we do offer him a position, how can we best support the two of them? An almost thirteen-year-old is not equipped to deal with her problems. I'M not equipped to deal with them."
"Keith, I'd suggest that Kate, Becky or I take her on, as she'd likely have fewer issues talking with a female counsellor," Tracy interjected.
"No, Tracy. I'm afraid I'm the last person she needs for two reasons," Kate contradicted. "Secondarily, and I may as well let you all know now, I'm retiring at the end of the year."
This drew quite a few intakes of breath.
"Kate, you've been here longer than any of us. You were even one of the founding counsellors that made this school what it is. How can you bear to leave?" asked Becky.
"It's not been an easy decision. Quentin has been trying to convince me to stay on a few more years, but looking at the kids, I think the ones I have right now will be able to handle the transition to a new counsellor better than any batch I've had in five years. I mean, take a look at Stacy. She's sure to be selected for top girl after June, and there's nobody more stable than Andy." That got a laugh. "No seriously, I know he fools around a bit. Though, when things get serious, how many others have you seen get that focused on what really needs to be done?" She paused a moment, "However, we're getting off track. Tracy, the other, larger reason I can't take them on is something I noticed on page twelve of her dossier. Read the description of the matron who handled her return from her second foster home."
The others went to the page in question. "Oh my, Kate, I don't know how I missed it, but that description sounds like she could be your sister."
"Exactly, and someone that could muck things up with her like that... In any event, there's little chance she'll be willing to talk to, much less open up, to me like she needs to."
"What about Becky or me?"
"Becky's married, and you've a full load now." All of the younger staff looked at her with that. "I'm not saying you're not very good counsellors. Quite the contrary, you wouldn't be here otherwise. The issue is your experience and available time. Her profile indicates that she's become VERY close-mouthed around young counsellors. I can't say I blame her, but it does pose us a problem. Assuming we offer her a position, any person assigned to her to will need a LOT of time as well."
"Why does my being married have anything to do with," Becky started. "Oh, you expect more over nights being needed, don't you."
"Exactly, but, that's only part of it. We all have personal issues that make things hard. Challenging student issues that we can recognize and anticipate shouldn't make things harder. What, with your eldest starting school next year, and your youngest' issues... No, you and Keith have your hands full."
"I don't like to not pull my weight." Becky started.
"No, you both do your share. But, adding this on top. I'm sorry, but that's more than we will ask."
Dan interrupted, before it could go further. "I interviewed her, and while she wasn't overly forthcoming, as I indicated in my report, she also didn't clam up completely. That's why I recommended her so strongly. I believe we can help her out of her shell."
"I understand, Dan. Based on your report, if she is offered a position, I'm afraid you're the only person on staff that would do. Also, you are right that the boy is by far the most likely person to be trusted, or at least accepted by her. Our background checks on him and the comments you reported that his classmates made about him, all indicate that he is reserved himself. The test results and everything else tell us that he doesn't force himself on others." She paused then, and looked around the table. "To be honest, if we offer her a position, I think we have to ask the boy and hope that he accepts. What alternative do we have for her, for a study partner?"
"The next best partner for her is Judith Hawes. However, as you can all see, there is likely to be friction, if not major fireworks between the two for quite a while, before they settle down. I'm willing to deal with that, if it comes to it," Dan replied.
"I do still have qualms about offering him a position. And I wonder if, even if we do, if he'll accept. After all, his family situation is not a problem. He's accepted at school, and it is a good school. Why would he accept? And, if he doesn't, Judith isn't anywhere near as good a match."
"True, she's not. But, I actually believe he will accept. His current situation isn't as universally good as you paint. His older brother, to whom he was very close, recently moved away and is currently living in America with their grandparents. Add in, that while he has a few kids at his school he talks to regularly, he's not good friends with any of them. He's the outsider and an American, so different. All in all, I honestly believe he and his parents will accept the offer, if we make it."
"Dan, it looks like you and Kate have put a LOT of thought into the pair. Have you thought about what HE gets out of the school in the short and long run? I mean, we'll be taking him out of a fairly decent situation."
"Oh, it's certainly not a one way street. His current piano teacher is, in many ways, inadequate. He was composing, admittedly simple pieces, when he lived in Naples. And his teacher there had very high hopes for him, and encouraged him to continue. I talked to Sarah Russell, and she indicated that she can continue his musical education on piano and composition. She also suggested that, from my description, he would likely be interested in orchestration. Finally, she said that she has the contacts needed to bring in appropriate adjuncts should they be needed. There's no way a single outside teacher can do so much for him musically."
"You really HAVE done your research here, Dan. What did Sarah say about the orchestra? We've not had a pianist perform with the orchestra. Well, not for over a decade anyway. I'm sure he'll need to learn something to contribute besides the piano."
"Yes, she said that she would bring him into the percussion section. There's a lot of crossover from piano to several percussion instruments. Added to that, he'll have Andy there as a mentor."
"Okay. So, we can offer him something. Besides the risk to the school, not being able to offer him a real benefit was my concern," rejoined the headmaster.
"Quentin, we can address the school risks. We've had risky students before, and they've handled them in the States as well." This last comment generated several different reactions. "Okay, so one time it didn't go well, but they still managed to keep the school together and the students were not seriously hurt."
Keith nodded at that. "So, Dan, are you willing to take them BOTH on?"
Dan gave a sigh, "I think it best, Keith. There's a good chance he will be open with me, after all we share something in common," which got polite chuckles from some of the others. "Besides, he was fairly open in the interview and all of the reports indicate that as well. I think he'll be a good ally in helping her. And, I think his very stability will help her more than we can imagine."
"That's true, Dan. I doubt we have much to hope for, besides acceptance for a while. If they can eventually open up to each other, you'll have your hands full."
Dan laughed. "I suspect you're right on both counts, Kate. And, I think I'll have to agree it would be better if I take them both on. You'll take both Ingrid and Fran?" At her nod, "I thought so. And the other two pairs don't have any major issues." The last was said more quietly, to himself rather than the others.
The committee couldn't find another good pair out of the current year's crop of candidates. In the end, the committee decided to make the offers to the previously selected six students, along with the two agreed on in this session, and the rest, as they say, is history.
Some further information on the selection process may be useful. The process at each school is NOT the same. As Hayfield Hall is the oldest of the schools sponsored by S.P.A. it should not be surprising to discover that their process is the most formal.
Students come from two sources. One group (the smallest contributor, by far) is identified through many paths several years prior to their possible entry to Hayfield Hall. David/Jayne fell into this category. Not all students identified and followed by S.P.A. as possible students at the Hall ever attend, nor are even offered positions there. The majority end up going to normal schools for various reasons, and grow up to be productive members of society. It is only those with great potential, whose potential is not being met by their current circumstances and who are interviewed.
The vast majority of students are identified by a battery of tests given at schools across the country. Not all schools participate, as there is no mandate as such. Some schools participate in the testing–to receive an independent assessment of how they're doing, as educators. The test includes a number of non-academic areas, and even in the academic areas it is very different from other tests in that the emphasis is placed on how the students think, more than things they've learned already.
From the two pools, almost five hundred are identified for final screening interviews by the school support staff. The staff are looking for confirmation of what got the students identified in the first place, whether the student is likely to be able to adapt to the school both intellectually and emotionally. Finally, the staff makes sure that the school can provide all, or at least most, of the support the students will need to reach their potential. The vast majority fail on one or more of these checks. The interviewers write an assessment of every candidate. Background checks are performed on the entire pool, and this information is available to the support staff during the interview, and later in the selection process.
Many long days and nights go into assessing the candidates; culminating in a series of meetings by the selection committee. Each rejection is reviewed by at least one other staff member, to confirm the decision. Then, the remaining students are judged in several categories, including medical need, mental flexibility, musical talent, intelligence and acuity, family, and many more. These assessments are useful, but far from the only tool they use.
Each potential student is then paired with the others, to see if a pairing is likely to result in either or both gaining greater potential through their interactions. There ARE times when no suitable partner can be found, in which case even the best candidate has to be rejected, but most of the time there are several other candidates they could beneficially be paired with. Andrew Haynes, eventually paired with Marcus/Stacy, being one such example. In every case, at least one alternate for each member of an identified pair has to be available to deal with the rare cases when a student was offered a position, but for some reason turned it down.
Some years, they ended up with more pairings than could be accommodated. Other years, like the one above, coming up with four good pairs was difficult. On more than one occasion, they seriously considered increasing the class size from eight to ten. But, until unusual circumstances came up in the 2005/2006 year, they ultimately maintained the eight student class.
Life Isn't Fair
by Karen Page
Life as a teenager is hard enough, but sometimes first love can just make thinks so much harder.
Chapter 1
For the last month, life had been good. Actually life had been very good, but since yesterday things had been really bad. I lay on my bed trying to see it my parent's way.
My parents both work for the emergency service. My Dad is a fireman and my mother a copper. When I was younger they would alternate shifts, so one was always around. When I reached thirteen they thought I was old enough to sometimes fend for myself in the evenings or weekends. They knew the rules, and one of them was always there with me at night, and if they were going to be late home or work the weekends, then they'd arranged for me to stay down the road at a family friend.
Some people might think it was a bit harsh on a thirteen year-old, and perhaps it was, but it made me learn more about myself. For me life took a sharp change when I was nearly sixteen. One of the first things I discovered was a love for a different kind of sport than what I was normally encouraged to participate in. My parents had encouraged football and swimming, at which I was pretty good. For some reason, I found that I loved hockey, though I only got to watch.
One Saturday, bored, I was walking through the sports park on a shortcut across the town and I noticed a game on. Having nothing better to do, I paused to watch. It looked like they were about my age, if not a touch older. This wasn't like the sedate game we played in school; it was full of action and looked fun, if not a bit dangerous.
As the game finished I went up to one of the adults that was taking charge and asked how you go about joining.
"Sorry, kid, they don't do mixed teams. The girls are on next, so their coach will be a bit busy. See the women in the red and white jersey, when the game is finished speak with her."
"Thanks," I muttered and walked away.
I was used to this. I was skinny and hadn't started to develop like most of the boys my age. Even with my shortish hair, I was often mistaken for a girl. Today was no different. I knew it was pointless saying anything, so I just waited for the next match to see what it was like.
When the girls came on, I quickly discovered that they were even more brutal. Whoever said that females were loving kind people had never seen them play hockey. The referee was also busier, as he had to handle more fouls.
After the game finished I didn't talk to girls coach; I was a boy, so it didn't make sense to ask to play on a girls' team, even though they probably thought I was a girl. By the time I got home so was Mum. Dad was on an 8am start and mum got back at noon. This was one of the days that it was nice to see Mum, but I knew it wouldn't last. She would stay up a few hours and then would go to bed.
I returned most Saturdays to see if there were was another match. Some weeks I was lucky and others not. I mustn't have been thinking straight, because it took until the third time I watched that I realised that one team side was always roughly the same players. When I didn't see them play must be when they were playing away. Over the weeks, I got used to seeing the same people hanging around; most were parents, but there were a few others my age, or slightly older, there.
"Hey, why don't you come to the away matches too?" asked one of the girls my age.
"No lift." I shrugged my shoulders.
"Ah. That's my sister there just taking the long corner. So, I get to go to a lot of the matches, apart from when Dad's working or away, and then she goes in the minibus for away matches."
"Couldn't your mum take you all?"
"Nah, I've got a young brother who does music on a Saturday morning. Mum takes him to that."
We chatted away for most of the second thirty-five minutes, but I never found her name, and she never asked mine. It wasn't until the next home match that I met her again. It was also the time when my life changed.
The visiting team was running late, and we stood around chatting about how cold it was getting. Winter was drawing in fast, but we'd been lucky that the rain had held off for the matches.
"If they don't turn up soon, do you want to hang out?"
"Sure," I agreed. She was one nice girl to be with and seemed a lot friendlier than the ones at my school. "What did you have in mind?"
"There's that new out-of-town shopping place near the canal. I hear they have some nice clothes shops."
That was when I knew that she'd thought that I was a girl. My heart sank as I wondered how she would react to finding out the truth. Hanging out with her did excite me, but I felt that if I didn't explain, then it would be like I was lying.
"Sounds fun," I responded, having decided how to tell her the truth. "By the way, my name is Richard."
"Ashleigh." I don't think my name had totally sunk in. It took a few seconds and she looked at me quizzically. "Sorry?"
"You didn't mishear."
"I thought-" Ashleigh trailed off, embarrassed at her presumption.
"That I was a girl? Don't sweat it; it happens all the time."
"You don't care? I mean, do you want to be a girl?"
"I mean I don't care that you made the mistake. I've been cursed with it for years, so it no longer bothers me. Most of my other friends go the same school, so they don't make the mistake, as they are used to me. It's only strangers that seem to think I'm a girl."
There was an announcement that the match was cancelled due to the other team's mini-bus getting a puncture. I wondered what I was going to do with myself for the few hours I now had before lunch.
Ashleigh grinned slightly as she turned to me. "Do you still want to go look at the new shopping place?"
I was surprised, not just at her asking again now she knew the truth, but me agreeing. Nobody would be home at the moment, so I didn't have to ring anybody. Ashleigh went to tell her mum where she was going, and soon after we were jumping on the local bus.
Shopping with her wasn't like anything I'd ever experienced before. I don't know what happened, but on the bus we got chatting and we didn't stop. I was so busy chatting, that I didn't realise where I was until I discovered I was in a changing room with Ashleigh, a couple of skirts and tops in my hand.
She was half undressed when she realised I'd gone quiet and saw my panicked face. I tried to turn around so I couldn't see her body, but the room was full of mirrors.
"What's up?" she asked.
"I can't do this."
"Oh, sorry I forgot."
"I better leave."
"You don't have to. It would be nice for you to tell me what you think."
I couldn't believe my ears. She wanted me to stay, even though I'd reminded her that I was a boy. None of this made any sense to me. She dressed in the first outfit and I shook my head.
"Nah, the tops all wrong. I know, try this one that I picked up."
"Yeah, it seems to work better," she admitted, admiring herself in the mirror.
In that store, Ashleigh never once forced me to try anything, and the awkwardness I felt in being in the same changing room soon dissipated. I was quite surprised when she didn't purchase anything, but we were soon in the next shop, discussing what we thought of each item as we rummaged through the racks.
I must have got bitten by the shopping bug and when I didn't think about things, was really enjoying myself. I'd often wondered why I was mistaken for being a girl. Sometimes I wondered what it would be like to try dressing as a girl; however, I'd never had the guts to try. I knew it would never go down well at home if I was caught. Here and now though, Ashleigh was treating me like a girl, and if I just went that one step further, I would know what it was like. Heck, this might be my only chance to try.
"What do you think?" I asked, holding up a top against me.
Ashleigh looked up from her flicking through a rack of hideous items. "Yeah, that might work. Let's see if we can find something to go with it."
I must be mad. I have a good life. I have two parents that love me. I have friends who like me. I'm not unpopular at school. I make the grades, and play on our year's football team. Yet this is just so much fun!
"What about this?" Ashleigh called, bringing me back to the madness of shopping.
"Yeah, not bad." I wandered across and put my top next to it. "Let's see what they look like on me."
Ashleigh had some things to try on too and we both went into the same changing booth. I was surprised as this one had slightly larger booths than the last shop and it was massive compared to the ones where I normally shop. We were both distracted this time, since we were both changing clothes.
"What do you think?" I queried, once changed. I'd been avoiding looking in the mirror.
"Oh yeah, it's really you." She did something to my hair. "Have a look yourself."
There looking back at me was a flat-chested girl. I moved slightly anti-clockwise, and watched as the mirror image moved too. It really was me, probably in more ways than one. I didn't even get to see Ashleigh in her outfit before we were changing back, handing them back to the sales assistant guarding the changing area and leaving the store.
We grabbed a couple of bottles from the cola machine and sat on a bench. I wanted to recover a bit from that experience. My heartbeat was still higher than normal.
Ashleigh didn't say anything for a few minutes. She sat there sucking on her drink, watching me. When she thought I'd recovered enough she started her interrogation. "Recovered?"
"A bit." I then whispered, "I looked like a girl."
"Sorry, but you looked like a girl before we came shopping."
"What did you do to my hair?"
"I made it neat. When you took off your sweater, it made your hair ragged. I didn't alter your style at all."
"Oh."
"Did you have fun?"
"Eventually. I was a nervous wreck though."
"Not when you weren't thinking about it you weren't."
"So what now?"
"That's up to you. Don't you have to ring your Mum to let her know you won't be home for lunch?"
"Good point."
I pulled out my mobile and made the call. Mum was happy that I was out and reminded me to be home for six. A big smile came over my face and I told Ashleigh.
"Great. Food or another shop?"
I laughed. Did that girl have a shopping gene, or what?!
"One more, then lunch."
Actually that shop didn't have anything we fancied in it. In fact the new shopping area was a big disappointment, with half the units not having being let. The only redeeming quality was the Chinese buffet restaurant.
"So, do you fancy boys or girls?"
I looked around to see if anybody had heard Ashleigh. If any of them had, nobody responded.
"I'm only fifteen," I complained and blushed slightly. "I've never been out with anyone. What about you?"
"I've not either."
It did surprise me that someone as sexy as her had never been out of someone. However, it wasn't the question I wanted her to answer. I meant did she fancy boys or girls, but the moment had passed, but she did give me a nice opening. "Do you fancy a movie after we've finished here?"
"Are you asking me out?" she enquired.
"I ... I ..." I could get it out. All my confidence with her seemed to vanish. I stared at my food and picked a bit at it.
Ashleigh took my hand. "I'd love to be your girlfriend."
I looked up at her in surprise. "I hardly know you. We've watched a few hockey matches and done a bit of shopping."
"That's more than my parents had when they met. My Dad saw my mum in a pub. She was with some friends from work, and he was with some from his. He liked how she looked and after that evening eyeing each other up they went to a late movie."
When we finished eating, Ashleigh insisted we split the bill in half. I thought about protesting, but was rather glad, as I didn't have much with me. I'd only expected to go to the park and watch the hockey, not go shopping, have a meal and watch a movie.
The cinema was similar, we agreed to pay for our own movie tickets, but I did get her a drink and we shared a bag of rather expensive sweets. I'm not sure how they can charge so much; perhaps because we had nowhere else to go.
Being a first date, I was unsure how to behave. Being a first, first date, made it even scarier. I found for some things, Ashleigh was quite confident, but she was unsure how to act on a date too. She lived on the other side of town, but I wanted to be polite, so got off at her stop and walked with her to her house.
I'd expected it to be a lot bigger than ours, since there was just me and my parents. However, on the outside it wasn't that much different. Not seeing anybody peeking out of the curtains I leant forward to give her a kiss. When Ashleigh laughed, I stopped and turned, feeling rejected.
Ashleigh grabbed me and spun me round, and tenderly stroked the side of my face. "Sorry, that came out wrong. You just looked shy and nervous. Please kiss me."
Who was I to refuse a request like that? We came together and kissed. It was so more tender than I expected; a caress of two lips, rather than anything more forceful. When we split, I saw the gleam of joy in her eye. My heart was pounding like a piston.
"Wow," was all she said.
I wanted to kiss her again, but didn't want to push my luck. She looked happy, and I didn't want to spoil it.
"Are you doing anything tomorrow?" she asked, as she reached for the door.
"If I get my homework done tonight, then no. What do you have in mind?"
"Ha, I got mine done Friday night. I was thinking about the outfit you liked."
My heartbeat, which had just started to return to normal, picked up again.
With my mind whirring and it took me a few seconds to come out with, "Do you have a pen and paper?"
That got a strange look in response, but she fished in her bag, and pulled out what I'd requested. I jotted down my instant messenger address and handed it back. "I'll be online later. I think we need to chat." Ashleigh looked a bit worried. "Don't worry, I'm not upset and I'm not planning to dump you."
Ashleigh smiled at that, leaned forward, gave me a kick kiss and disappeared in her house. I made my way home, slightly confused at what had happened today, but still feeling warm about Ashleigh.
I was surprised to see Mum still up. It was nearly six, and she normally went to bed about four, ready to get up in the middle of the night.
"Did you have fun?" she asked, as I hung up my coat.
"We went into town and took in a movie," I answered.
"We?"
I sighed. Sometimes mum being a policewoman was a pain. "Ashleigh. She is a girl I met a bit back."
Mum's eyebrows rose. "You have a girlfriend?"
I blushed. "Yes Mum, now stop interrogating me. I didn't break too many laws today."
She laughed. It was a standing joke in the family that whenever she got too much like work we told her we didn't break too many laws. I just hoped that going to female changing rooms didn't break the law.
"Is there anything you need before I go to bed?"
"No, now shoo. You should have gone earlier. I'm not that small anymore and Dad will be home soon."
"You'll have to tell me all about Ashleigh later. I can't remember meeting her." Mum got up and headed towards the door.
"Sleep well Mum," I said, getting up too. "I've got some homework to do if I'm going to be able to go out tomorrow."
Mum pretended to faint. "Not leaving your homework until the last minute? Wow, she must be having a good effect on you!"
I just laughed, followed her up the stairs and went to my bedroom to do my homework. I had to write a short story in the style of the book, 'The Secret Life of Walter Mitty' by James Thurber. I much preferred writing on the computer than on paper; as I could correct my mistakes as I went along.
I hadn't got much further than starting the word processor when my Instant Messenger informed me that Ashleigh was trying to add me as a contact. I accepted and we were soon chatting online, my homework being easily neglected.
"Did I upset you?" she started.
"No. You just took me by surprise. On my walk home, I had a long think about what happened today, but I still don't get it."
"Get what?"
"Why people who don't know me think I'm a girl, and why it didn't feel wrong for me to try those clothes on."
"I've no idea, but why worry about it?"
"It isn't natural. I don't know anybody other men who get mistaken for being women. I don't know how you can want to go out with me."
"I've never fancied anybody before you."
"Nobody?"
"Not a boy or a girl. However, when I met you at the hockey match, I couldn't keep my eyes off you."
This didn't make any sense to me, but Ashleigh seemed to know how she felt and my homework wasn't getting done. Perhaps Walter Mitty had the right idea living part of his life in a fantasy world. I couldn't imagine anybody's life being stranger than mine. That was an idea. Perhaps in my homework I could fantasise about being a schoolboy spy; that is about as farfetched as it comes. Now where would we spy? It would have to be Russia. Perhaps not anymore. I know, the Middle East. That's it - getting sent to Iran.
My instant messenger buzzed. "Hey, are you still there?"
"Sorry, was trying to make sense of what you'd said and also plan my homework."
"What you got?"
"English Lit. Got to write a story in the style of a short story we were given."
"Which was?"
"Walter Mitty."
"I think it must be a standard school thing, we got to do that a few weeks ago. So what fantasies do you plan?"
"School boy being a spy in Iran."
"Sounds good. Why don't you make it a school of teenage spies? Even harder to believe."
"Nah, that sounds too fantastical. Anyway, back to tomorrow. What time?"
"My parents do an early Sunday lunch which they really like us all to be there for. Why don't we meet about two?"
"Two sounds good as I have a football match at nine. I'll tell my Dad in the morning."
"Is that at your school?"
"Yeah."
"Do you think I could come?"
"If you want. Though having your mum drop you off might not be a good idea. If she saw me playing football with the boys she might get a bit confused."
"Oh yeah, I keep forgetting. Was your mum in bed when you got home?"
"No, she stayed up to find out what I'd been up to. My brief call at lunch had her wondering. When she went up to bed she mentioned she'd not met you."
"You told her that we were seeing each other?"
"Sorry, it just came out."
"IM is crap, as you couldn't hear how I meant it. I was just confirming. It's good that she knows."
"Do your parents know?"
"My mum thinks you're a girl and we just went shopping. I've not told her your name or anything else."
"What about when she finds out? Won't you get into trouble?"
"I hope not. Anyway, how will she find out?"
"What if my voice does eventually break? Or I eventually start to need to shave?"
"Oh, I'd not thought of that."
"All the other lads on the football team shave and their voices have broken. So, I'm sure mine can't be far behind. Will you still want to go out with me then?"
"Like I said before, I've never fancied anybody before you. It wasn't just your looks, but the things you said and the way you were. Even when puberty fully hits you, you will still be you. Mum's calling me for our dinner. Will you still be on later?"
"I'll be here, probably trying to get this story written, unless I'm eating with Dad."
"Okay, I love you."
"Love you too." I responded. I then sat there surprised at how easily it seemed to say that in response.
Once I settled down, and put out today's excitement, the words flowed. I'd always enjoyed English, but always seemed to have a block when I'd tried to put the words down. For once, the ideas I'd thought came out rather easily. I just hope it mirrored the Walter Mitty character enough.
I was so engrossed in typing that I didn't hear my Dad come home, or pop his head around the door. I jumped when he said, "Hey Rich, we'll be eating in ten minutes."
"Sure Dad," I said, slightly absently as I tried to finish the paragraph. When I was done I swivelled round to face the door. "I've nearly finished my English Lit homework."
He looked at me in surprise. "It is Saturday. Don't you normally do your homework on Sunday after your footy match?"
"I'm going out after lunch."
"You are? I don't remember hearing about this."
"I mentioned it to mum earlier."
"There wasn't a note." Because Mum went to bed before Dad got home, and he would be asleep when she got up, they would normally leave each other messages in a book with anything they needed to tell each other. The system was normally only on the days when they didn't see each other, but it got to be a habit. It was often now use it to remind themselves of things they need to inform the other about. The book even had an area when I could tell them stuff that I might forget.
"Mum was late going to bed, and she only found out about Ashleigh as she was about to go up."
"Ashleigh?"
"The person I was with today and who I'm going to town with tomorrow."
"Is she your girlfriend?" teased Dad.
"Yeah," I blushed.
"Well done son. Is she a bit of a looker with a nice body?"
"I think she looks great," I said, blushing again as I remembered the shock of seeing her in her underwear earlier.
Dad walked out of the door calling, "The meal will be on the table in a few minutes."
Sometimes Dad didn't think. Mum was asleep, and she wouldn't be happy if she was woken.
During the meal, I didn't get as much teasing as I'd expected, which was a relief. He didn't seem to understand about instant messaging and insisted that I do the washing up. "Chores still need to be done. She'll still be there when you've finished."
I was worried for nothing, as Ashleigh was waiting patiently. I'm not sure how I got my homework finished, but I was very late switching off. It was only my Dad noticing my bedroom light was still on when he went to bed that got me to turn off. Ashleigh had disappeared an hour earlier, but I spent my time trying to find out why I hadn't freaked when trying on the clothes.
Sleep didn't come easy. Thoughts of Ashleigh swirled through my mind and what she would make of me playing football.
Chapter 2
Today was a change-over day. My dad worked two day shifts, then two night shifts and then had four days off. So he only had a short sleep last night, and would go back to bed just before lunch and be at work for six tonight. Therefore it was a good thing I was out this afternoon, as it wouldn't disturb his sleep.
It was only while I was walking to school for the football match that I realised during the previous nights marathon chat, I hadn't asked why she mentioned me getting the girls clothes. At the football match wasn't a good time, so I saved it for later.
When I came out of the changing room with our team, I noticed Ashleigh, wrapped up nice and warm. Having someone there to cheer me on was a rare event and when I heard her scream "Richard!" my heart leapt. It spurred me on, and we managed a comfortable 3-1 win.
I went across to thank her, and my heart pounded as our lips touched. The wolf whistles from our school team made me blush, but it didn't stop us from kissing. "Thanks for coming."
"It was fun and yes, it was a good job my parents didn't come with me."
"How did you get here?"
"I cycled. I think my parents were a bit surprised to see me get out my bike. I've not ridden for a bit and my Dad had to quickly raise the seat."
"I walked. If I get changed quickly, will you still be here?"
"Of course. It is downhill most of the way home, so shouldn't take as long as it took me to get here."
We had another quick kiss and I ran to the changing rooms. Most had finished in the showers so I was able to get straight in.
"So, who is she?" asked Robert, as I dressed.
"A friend."
"Friends don't kiss like that," he retorted.
"Hey Rich, isn't Robert your friend?" teased Paul, one of the only ones on the team I didn't really get on with.
"Shut it," growled Robert.
Paul thought it was fun and continued. "You know, I always thought you were gay. Perhaps she is just a girlfriend of convenience."
I saw red and jumped up to make Paul suffer. I got within a metre before Robert and Lee grabbed me.
Lee was the football captain and if we wanted to stay on the team we did as he said. "We are supposed to be a team, so I'll have no violence. Paul, I really hope you were just teasing."
"Of course," Paul instantly responded. Hey turned to me, "Hey man, I'm sorry."
He didn't really look all that sorry, but I wriggled loose from my captors and finished getting ready.
"You're in a hurry," Robert remarked, as I picked up my bag. "Last one into the showers and first one out of here."
"I'm meeting Ashleigh." I lowered my voice. "Truth now, how many think I'm gay?"
Robert screwed up his face, which told me everything I really didn't want to know. "That many?"
Robert sighed, "There has been talk, but people don't say because they are frightened of you. You are a star on the pitch and that puts you in people's good books. Now get to Ashleigh before she does a runner."
Ashleigh was there waiting with her bike, her smile lighted up my tortured mind. It wasn't enough though as Ashleigh asked, "What happened?"
"What do you mean?"
"Something in your look when you came out of the changing rooms."
"Oh, someone said I was gay and you were a girlfriend of convenience."
"You didn't get into a fight, did you?" We started walking out of the school grounds.
"Nearly."
"Oh darling. It isn't worth fighting about. I hope you know I really fancy you."
"Yes, and you know I fancy you too. I'm not sure why I went at Paul. It just seemed to upset me when people thought I was gay."
Ashleigh leaned across and whispered, "Who knows, you might be a lesbian."
"Don't rush me. I'm just coming to terms with yesterday and us seeing each other."
"Okay. Just know that I'm pretty open. So what are you doing for lunch?"
"Mum'll be at work and Dad in bed. I was going to go home, get changed and get something in town before you got there."
"I thought so. You are invited for lunch if you want."
"Wouldn't you need to ask your mum?"
"Before coming out, I asked if it would be okay to ask you and she said there would be plenty."
"But your mum thinks I'm a girl."
"Just be yourself and they won't know."
"If you call me Richard, it will be a bit of a giveaway."
"You look like a Rebecca or Becky for short."
I couldn't believe this. I'd must mentioned about not rushing me, and within a minute she'd given me a girl's name. But Sunday lunch with her family did sound nice. With my parents working shifts, if was a rare event that we all sat down to a meal together and a Sunday roast was a lot of work for just two people.
"Just don't call me Becky in front of my parents!"
"Well duh!"
Dad was still up when I got home. He took one look at Ashleigh and ushered her into the lounge. "I take it you were going to get changed?" he asked, pointing to the stairs. I growled and he just laughed as he made his way into the lounge.
When I came down, Ashleigh and Dad were all smiles.
"It was nice meeting you Mr Head," Ashleigh said politely, as she got up.
"I'm sure it won't be the last time." Dad was all smiles.
As we walked towards Ashleigh's house, she told me what they'd talked about. It was mostly Dad trying to find out a bit about her and her family. It seems that neither of them had embarrassed me, which seemed a major surprise. It would have been just like my Dad to say something silly.
When we went through the front door Ashleigh's mother came out of the kitchen to say hi. However, since she didn't know Ashleigh was my girlfriend, I was just treated as another friend. Since she thought I was a girl, there weren't any restrictions about me not going upstairs.
"Is there anything we can do to help?" Ashleigh asked.
"Why don't you two set the table? The meal will be about half an hour."
Such a big table seemed strange, but I suppose there were five of them, six with me as a guest. At home, it was just the three of us, and we had a much smaller table. We quickly finished up, and Ashleigh took my hand and dragged me upstairs to her bedroom. With the door closed, we were soon kissing. When Ashleigh's younger brother, Tony, called that the meal was ready, I knew I was in trouble. I'd got rather aroused during our making out and our hair looked rather dishevelled.
"We'll just be a minute," called back Ashleigh, while I darted to the toilet.
I'm not sure how, but we made it to the table, looking sweet and innocent.
"So Becky, are you planning on joining the hockey team?" asked Caroline, Ashleigh's sister.
"I've my exams in May, so I probably won't have time," I replied. I'd expected the question so had already thought of an answer.
"Ah, you're the same age as Ashleigh then," said Mr Thompson. It was the first time we'd met. He seemed a nice man, and seemed to be the person who dragged the conversations on.
The only one who seemed a bit off was Tony. He kept staring at me. As the meal came to an end, I was sure he'd worked out who I was. He'd even given me a wink when I'd been introduced as Becky.
On the bus it was something I mentioned to Ashleigh. "Nah, he just fancied you."
I was rather surprised. "But he can't fancy me."
"He thinks you are a girl. What did you think of him?"
"A nice lad, who totally lost me with his music."
"Not that. Did you more than like him?"
"No," I said rather surprised. "Are you trying to set me up with him?"
She laughed. "No, but yesterday you said you'd never been out with anyone. I was just trying to see if you swung both ways."
It took me a moment to realise what she meant. "Even if I did, which I don't think I do, there is no way I would cheat. Anyway, what about you? Do you fancy-"
"You."
A rather simple answer, but it didn't really help me. "I meant boys or girls."
"I don't know. As I said yesterday, I've never found anybody I fancied before. I sort of see you as Becky, but also a bit as Richard."
I shrugged. I knew she saw me mostly as Becky, but it was a bit of a relief that she knew there was more to me than that. In some ways, I was still surprised that I wasn't upset that she thought I was a girl.
"So why do you want me to get the outfit?" I asked. At last, I'd got out the question I'd been itching to ask.
"You're a bit larger than me and if you tried some of my things, it would ruin them."
"Would you like us to go out together as two girls?"
"If you are okay with that."
"I think so, which is rather puzzling. I have no desire to be a girl. Well I don't think I do."
When we got to the shop, I didn't pay much attention until I heard my name being called. I looked up and saw two girls there from my English class. I subtly passed the skirt that was in my hand to Ashleigh.
I wished I was invisible, but Ashleigh was made of sterner stuff. "Why don't you introduce me?"
I gave her a look, but we walked across. "Hi Sara and Moira."
"Is that your girlfriend? Robert said she was at the football match this morning."
"Girls, this is Ashleigh. Ashleigh, these two try to keep me out of trouble in English." We slipped our arms around each other.
Sara and Moira smiled and genuinely seemed happy for us. Ashleigh put the skirt back on a rack and we all went out of the shop chatting together. We walked up to the main shopping area in town and spent the afternoon hanging out together.
We all had fun and Ashleigh had remembered to call me Richard. All was okay until just before we went to the bus station. A man, collecting signatures stopped us, "Hi girls, can you sign this protest against proposed cuts to the fire service?"
After all the mistakes that people made, I didn't correct the man. I was so used to it and let it ride. It was always more embarrassing to correct people than ignore it. Ashleigh didn't blink as I'm sure she still thought of me as Becky.
Sara and Moira laughed a bit, but then looked a bit confused that I didn't respond. I deliberately hung back so they all signed first and then as I signed as Becky. This was the first time I'd used that name in writing. It seemed a bit strange, but it saved the person wondering why I signed it as Richard. Ashleigh, who was standing next to me noticed, but Sara and Moira were too busy chatting to look back at the clipboard.
"So much for a date," I sighed as we got on the bus. I was getting the one with Ashleigh while Sara and Moira were catching one which would take them closer to where they, and I, lived. Even the benefit of not getting that outfit seemed not to make up for it.
"I know," she said, giving me a squeeze. "Are they always like that?"
"I think so. I don't see them much in school apart from in lessons. In school I'm Richard, and hang with the guys."
"Are you doing anything next weekend?"
"Dad starts on dayshift next Saturday. I'm not sure what shift Mum is on. They had planned for us to go out Friday evening for a meal. This is a rare thing for us."
"Oh?"
"I'll be sixteen."
"Why didn't you tell me?!"
I shrugged. "I had other things on my mind. My parents are also trying to encourage me to get a Saturday job, so I'm not sure how much I'll be able to see you."
"Where are you going to apply?"
"Tesco. They often want more people with the run up to Christmas and I'm sure they will want to make sure they are ready before that."
"Sounds a plan," she agreed. She had a glint in her eyes, and I wondered what plan she'd been coming up with.
"So when are you sixteen?"
"The following Friday."
"Why didn't you tell me?" I complained, mimicking how she'd been a few minutes ago.
She laughed. "Because you didn't ask."
I was now very glad I'd not got the clothes. I would now have a bit more money saved and able to get her something nicer.
When we got to her house, we again had a big kiss. As she went to open the door, she asked, "Will you be online later?"
"Of course."
I got home to find both Mum and Dad up. Dad was getting ready for work.
"Did you have fun?" Mum asked.
"Yeah, she's great to be with. The downside is she likes to shop-shop-shop."
Mum laughed and ushered me into the lounge. "I've got some news."
"Yes?"
"I've just been promoted."
"You got the inspectors job?" Even before she answered, I knew she had. I was so happy for her.
"Yes. Barring any big incident, I'll now be covering a standard daytime shift. I'll have to do some weekends, but at least I'm off nights."
This was great news. Fixed shifts, like mum had been given were rare.
"Mum, can Ashleigh go to my birthday meal? Dad's met her. He can confirm she's okay."
"So he told me. Actually he said she was more than okay. Yet I've yet to meet her."
"If she comes on Friday, then you will."
Mum burst out laughing at that one and told me Ashleigh could come.
Final Chapter
"Richard, get down here now!" screamed Dad.
This didn't sound good. Dad was rarely upset like that and when he was, it was best to get there quickly. "BRB" I put in the Instant Messenger screen.
When I went into the lounge, setting there with my parents were Ashleigh's parents.
"Oh shit!" I muttered. I tried to put on a smile, but I don't think it hid my terror. I couldn't work out how Ashleigh's parents had found out. Ashleigh hadn't slipped up at my Birthday meal, and nobody had referred to me as anything but Becky when I'd been at Ashleigh's house for her birthday last week.
"I take it that it's true then," Mum said, looking stonily faced. "You've been lying to Mr and Mrs Thompson by pretending to be a girl and calling yourself Becky?"
"It's not like-"
I wasn't able to finish as Mum thundered, "Answer the question."
"I am," I complained. "Since I met Mrs Thompson, she thought I was a girl. It was just less embarrassing not to tell her the truth."
"And you used it as an excuse to be in Ashleigh's room, even though she isn't allowed boys in there?"
I didn't know how to answer that one. "It wasn't an excuse," was all I could say.
"Richard, go to your room. We will talk about this later, but just to give you something to think about, you are grounded."
"I'm sorry," I apologised. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone."
I felt so rejected. My parents were normally so fair, but now it seemed they weren't. I wasn't sure how Ashleigh's parents found out where I lived, or that I wasn't Richard. When I got to my room, I saw the Instant Messenger screen flashing.
I quickly typed, "Your parents are here and I'm grounded. Your parents didn't seem too happy."
"Oh shit!"
"Yeah. Do you think they'll stop us seeing each other?"
There was no response.
"Ashleigh?"
"Sorry, I was crying. I love you so much."
"I love you too. However, you have to live with your parents until you go to uni, so you should do as they say."
"It's not fair." I could almost hear her sobbing.
"It isn't," I continued. "However, until we are sorted, we'll have to live with Instant Messaging. I'm sure that in a few weeks it'll be forgotten about."
The front door banged shut. "It sounds like your parents have just left. I'm going to log off just in case mine come in here. I'll try to be online later. I love you."
"I love you too."
Disconnecting seemed like the end of the world. I switched off the monitor and lay on the bed, waiting for my parents to enter. With only thirteen stairs, it didn't take long for my bedroom door to open.
They both came in and looked sadly at me. "What were you playing at?" Dad eventually asked.
"I was having fun," I responded.
"You find lying to people fun?"
"I wasn't lying. Ashleigh's parents jumped to the conclusion that I was female."
"You didn't correct them though, did you?"
"No."
"Did you two have sex?"
"No."
"Did you wear female clothes?" Mum took over the interrogation. I surprised she didn't bring in a tape recorder so she had proof of what I said.
"I didn't have to. Jeans are worn by girls and boys. For some reason, if a person doesn't know me, they assume I'm a girl."
"So when you went shopping with Ashleigh, did you try on female clothes?"
"Yes. It was rather fun." I instantly regretted saying that as the storm suddenly hit their sails.
"You could have been arrested," almost shouted Mum.
"Wearing women's clothes isn't illegal."
That was also a bad move. "You would have been arrested for 'disturbing the peace'. I will leave to one side how that would have affected my position if you'd been marched into the station where I work."
"Sorry," I murmured. "But don't you care that I was happy?"
"Haven't you thought how it would affect your future?" Dad asked. "You are popular at school. You are in the football team. You are good academically and a wiz on that computer. Would you want to throw all that away?"
"No," I said reluctantly.
"You've got your exams in a few months. Concentrate on them. I would like you to come home straight from school and apart from your football matches; you need to be at home."
"How long for?"
"Until Christmas."
I nodded, hoping that was it. I had my punishment and internally sighed in relief.
"One final thing and it might surprise you, but we were quite upset about this. Mr and Mrs Thompson have asked that you no longer see Ashleigh."
"Why?" I'd thought something like this would happen, but it still felt like my heart had been ripped out.
"They say they are concerned that you are a bad influence on her. However, I think it is more likely that they are upset that they were fooled by you. I don't think they are aware that you chat online though."
My parents left me and I moved across to the window and stared out at the twinkling streetlights. Life really didn't feel fair. It wasn't my fault that the world thought I was a girl. In some ways my parents hadn't really listened, but that wasn't what hurt the most. Besides not seeing Ashleigh again I felt so bad that my parents felt I'd let them down. They'd given me a lot of freedom, and now it was being taken back.
I went back onto my computer and reopened the instant messenger. Ashleigh wasn't there. I went back to brooding, wondering if she would be back on later. When it got time for bed, there was still no sign. I decided to stay up a bit later, and idly tried to look up some things we'd been discussing in physics. Planets, stars and space were interesting, but every few minutes I would flip back to see if she was online.
The glow of the computer screen must have been visible through the gap between the door and the floor, as Mum knocked on my door. "Did she come online?"
"No," my voice cracked slightly.
"Can I come in?"
"Sure."
"If she doesn't come online this weekend, then why don't you send her a text message on Monday? Her parents might confiscate it now, but I doubt they would let her go to school without it. Now off to bed, we have some things to do tomorrow."
I reluctantly switched off the computer, watching the instant messenger screen until it disappeared.
"I know this sounds crass, but the sooner you sleep the sooner it will be morning, and you can see if Ashleigh appears online. I don't recommend you go to see the hockey. It is best to let Mrs Thompson get over the shock."
Mum disappeared, leaving me to get ready for bed. I could hear the murmuring in their bedroom and wondered if they were discussing me. Sleep didn't come easily and when it did, it was in short snatches, interlaced with bouts of tears, hurt and a big dose of confusion.
At six, the following morning, I switched on the computer. While it was booting, I checked my mobile. Nothing. Once the PC was up there was no email, and no sign of her on Instant Messenger. I sat dejected, and the waterfalls opened again. It was a good job Dad hadn't seen me like this; he would never have understood.
I picked at my breakfast, not really hungry, but Dad insisted I eat. Both of them seemed sympathetic with what I was going through, but I bet none of them had this trouble when they were younger.
"Hurry up, or we'll be late," said Mum.
"We're going out?"
"We are. While we are out, Dad is going shopping. Now eat up and make sure you clean your teeth properly."
"Yes Mum."
With a bit of prodding, I got ready. I didn't know where we were going, and was rather surprised to find us getting out at the doctors. I hadn't been there for years.
"I'd like an appointment to see Dr Roberts," Mum requested.
"Is this for you or your daughter?"
My mum glanced at me and I shrugged. "It's actually for my son."
Mum gave my particulars and the receptionist soon had my details on screen. "If you'll take a seat."
The waiting room wasn't too busy and we managed to sit in a quiet area, "Is that what it's always like?"
"When people don't know me. You saw how embarrassed she was when she realised the mistake. That's why I don't normally correct them."
It wasn't long before we were called in.
"What can I do for you today?" Dr Roberts asked.
I wasn't sure why we'd come to see the doctor, so I let my mum answer. "Richard is sixteen and hasn't started puberty and we've come to see if there is a medical issue. He had an operation for testicular torsion when he was ten and I'm worried if that is having an impact."
I looked at mum with admiration. I'd forgotten about that operation.
"Sixteen is only a bit outside the standard parameters. However, it isn't anything to worry about." The doctor tapped at his computer and brought up my medical history. "Ah yes, here we are. You had a bilateral orchiopexy. Richard, have you had any pain down there since the operation?"
"No."
"That's good. Well let's see if we can find out if there is something stopping puberty. I'm going to need to examine you down there. Since you are under eighteen, I will need to be chaperoned. Would you prefer your mother or a nurse?"
"I'd prefer Ashleigh. However, I think a nurse would be less embarrassing. Sorry Mum."
The doctor picked up his phone and asked for the practice nurse to come in. While he waited, he asked, "So who's Ashleigh?"
"Until yesterday she was my girlfriend. Her parents were upset last night when they found I wasn't a girl."
He smiled a bit. "I bet, especially if you'd been allowed in her bedroom because of their assumption."
The nurse appeared and I disappeared behind the modesty curtain. I called him when I was ready the two medical people joined me. I was prodded a bit, and slightly manipulated, but it didn't last long. I was soon asked to get dressed.
When I came back to my seat, the nurse had gone. "Everything seems in order. I would like you to go and get some blood work done so we can see what your hormone levels are." He handed me a form and a list of times and places where they could take my blood. "Make an appointment with reception to see me in three weeks."
"Are any of the places doing the blood tests today?" Mum asked as we got into the car.
"Yeah, at the hospital."
"Then that is our next stop."
When we got there, I took a number and sat with mum to wait. About an hour later, my number was called and we went through. "Hello ladies, which one am I doing?"
I silently handed over the form and took a seat. The nurse scanned it, and said, "I'm sorry about that Richard. Now if you roll up your sleeve we have four vials to take."
"Four?"
"Your GP has asked for a lot of tests."
When I'd given the needed supply, we went home. Mum hadn't said a word the whole time we were in the hospital.
"Why don't you see if Ashleigh is online?"
I bounced up the stairs. She wasn't online, but there was a short email. Her parents had grounded her, and told her she was never to see me again. I couldn't cry anymore. A just sat on my bed and stared out of the window at the passing clouds. Life was so unfair.
I didn't hear them knock or come in, so was rather surprised to see Mum and Dad looking at me. "I think we owe you an apology," said Dad. "I didn't believe you yesterday when you said that people who didn't know you assumed you were a girl."
My parents had never apologised like that before and I wasn't really sure how to respond. Dad must have noticed the email that was still open on my computer. "There are plenty more fish in the sea."
Mum mustn't have liked that, as she coldly pushed him out of the door.
"Do you want to talk about the email?"
"It isn't a surprise, is it? You said last night what her parents had said."
"I suppose not." Mum sat on the edge of my bed. "Do you want to continue seeing her?"
"Yes. I mean we're both sixteen. Doesn't that give us more rights?"
"A few. You can leave home at sixteen, but only with parental permission. Without, permission, you would be reported to the police as a missing child."
"Oh. So she couldn't just leave home then."
"Would you really want Ashleigh to be estranged from her family?"
"No, but it's not fair what they're doing."
"Life is never fair," Mum reminded me. "Her parents might change their mind when they've calmed down. In the meantime, use the extra time to study."
Studying became part of my life. Yes these exams were important, but being grounded sucked. My parents might have apologised for not believing me about always being recognised as a girl, but they didn't lift the grounding. They still thought I'd been deceitful.
It wasn't until Sunday morning that I got to chat with Ashleigh and I found out what had happened. I'd left the computer on, while studying my maths. I heard a bleep and saw Ashleigh had sent me a message. My heart jumped for joy.
"Hi Darling," I said.
"Hi love," I responded. "Are you okay?"
"Not really. I can't believe my parents would do this. I'm not allowed to see you."
"So my parents said. While my parents grounded me for not correcting your parents, it seems they aren't happy about us not being allowed to see each other. Any idea what happened?"
"Yeah, I found out this morning by accident. Tony was caught wearing some of Caroline's clothes. Dad went ballistic and asked why. Tony said he thought Dad wouldn't mind because that's what Becky was doing. Tony is grounded too, for even longer than me."
"Oh no. Is Tony okay?"
"Not really. Dad made him promise that he would never do it again. I managed to get Tony on his own, and he said he felt he was really a girl. How've you been?"
"I've been missing you a lot. I've had the computer on as much as I can, just in case you got the chance to be online. When you sent me the email yesterday my Mum had taken me to see the doctor to find out why I'd not started puberty. She got a shock when the receptionist thought I was her daughter."
"You've not started puberty?"
"It seems not. I think Mum thinks that's why people think I'm a girl. The doctor has ordered some blood tests. Are you going to be online much?"
"No, I'm banned. My parents are out at the moment so I've snuck on for a bit. I'll have my mobile back tomorrow."
"I'll speak to you then. You better go; I don't want you getting into more trouble. I love you."
"I love you too."
He name disappeared off my online friends and I sighed. In some ways I felt a bit better, but in others a lot worse. I knew I'd never been allowed to see her again.
I wandered downstairs and found Mum slaving away in the kitchen. "I doubt her parents will ever let us see each other again."
"Oh?" Mum brushed off the flour off her hands and took my hand.
"Seems Tony had been caught wearing Caroline's clothes and thought his parents would be okay because his parents were treating me as a girl."
"Tony's transgendered?"
"Huh?"
"Did Ashleigh say if Tony just liked the clothes or wanted to be a girl?"
"He felt he was a girl."
"If someone feels like that they are referred to as Gender Dysphoric or Transgendered."
"How do you know all this?" I was worried if Mum had been researching because of me.
"Because of work. We all have had diversity training so we treat everybody correctly. It gets especially fun if we have to perform a strip search."
"I bet." I laughed a bit at the thought of someone having to have a strip search and them finding what they thought was a women was actually a man.
"It isn't funny for person being stripped. If you think what happened with the receptionist was embarrassing, this can be even worse. Having to be strip searched can be bad enough for a person. Imagine if you have your deepest secret revealed."
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I didn't think."
"That is just the tip of the iceberg. I take it that Mr and Mrs Thompson haven't taken Tony's revelation very well?"
"It didn't sound so. Is there anything we can do?"
"By refusing to listen to Tony's issues, they might be morally wrong, but they aren't breaking the law. Also there isn't probably much social services can do either."
"I know, life's unfair, but this situation certainly is worse than that." Since Friday, I think 'Life is unfair' was becoming too much of a common phrase.
"Yes it is. Do you feel like Tony?"
"Huh?"
"Do you feel like a girl? Didn't you say you found trying on women's clothes fun?"
"It was fun and exciting. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it was because I'd never been out with someone I liked so much."
"It didn't upset you putting on female clothes?"
"Not really. It did at first, but when I didn't think about it, it was fun."
"Did it bother you when people thought you were a girl?"
"At times. I suppose I just got used to it, and went with the flow. It seems to be a lot less embarrassing for everyone. Why are you asking?"
"I was just trying to understand what you were going through. If you do feel like Tony, I hope you will be able to talk to me."
"Of course." I walked out of the kitchen, slightly confused why Mum asked me what she did. I wasn't transgendered, was I? I remembered what Dad had said on Friday night about how it might affect my future. Would being like Tony mean I was throwing my life away? I felt so confused.
By the time my appointment with the doctor came, I was still talking with Ashleigh, but both of us were finding it hard. The physical separation was made worse because we couldn't be there for each other and have the fun we'd had. In some ways it was like I'd had several weeks with the light turned on and now I'd had three weeks where life meant little.
The appointment was on late Friday afternoon, so I didn't get any extra time off school. Mum was going to make it for earlier in the afternoon, but the doctor had wanted me in this specific appointment — the last one of the day.
As with any last appointment, we were late in. All the delays of the day mounted up to make it twenty minutes late. I wondered if we would be asked to come back another day, but no such luck.
When we were seated Dr Roberts turned to us. "I have had the blood tests back. Richard seems to have a slightly lower androgen count, which might have been caused by your operation. From talking with an endocrinologist-"
"A hormone doctor," whispered my mum to me.
"I couldn't have put it better," laughed Dr Roberts, who had obviously heard. "The hormone doctor said that everything seemed fine, but with the lower levels, things are just running a bit late. There are two options. One we do nothing and let nature take its cause, or two, we give a slight injection of testosterone to see if that kicks things off."
I looked at my mum slightly bewildered. Surely the doctor would just give me the injection and I'd been on my way. The doctor however, wasn't finished.
"Before we rush and jab everyone, we need to make sure giving the body a nudge is the right thing to do. I have a few questions for you, Richard, some of which are a bit personal. Do you want your mum with you, or would you rather she waits outside?"
I looked at him, rather surprised. "It's okay for her to stay."
The doctor didn't look too happy, but nodded in acceptance. "When you came to see me the other week, you mentioned that your girlfriend's parents hadn't been too happy because they thought you were a girl. Is that right?"
"Yes."
"At least my notes were right. When you went out with her, was it just her parents that thought you were a girl?"
"No."
"Did you wear girl's clothes?"
"No. I just had my standard jeans and top on." I then blushed a bit. "We did go shopping together though, and I did end up trying some on then."
"I see. And by your mum not reacting to this, I take it she knows?"
"We talked about this the other day. I take it you are asking this because you wonder if I want to be a girl? Well I don't. I just want to fit in, and it would be best if I did that as Richard."
"I see." Dr Roberts sat back and looked like he was in deep thought. Eventually he continued. "I would like you to see someone to discuss this more."
I shook my head. "No. I discussed this with Mum several times over the last few weeks. I think she had similar concerns. I just want to start puberty, and concentrate on my exams without the worry of teasing."
"I'm sorry. I would love to give you the injection, but I can't until I know that it is the right thing to do."
"Then I will have to wait until I go through puberty, or will another doctor at this practice be able to help?" I was rather pissed off.
"You are more than welcome to ask for an appointment with another doctor or wait."
My mum then spoke for the first time. "Doctor, I have similar concerns to you, which is why I've been discussing this with Richard. However, Richard is adamant that he isn't gender dysphoric and I don't think a psychiatrist would get anything different from him. I think any further probing in this area is going to just cause more issues and potentially harm my child."
Dr Roberts frowned. "I see. I too don't want to harm Richard and am trying to make sure that I am doing the right thing. How about a compromise? Book an appointment for next Friday. If Richard still is insistent, then I will give him the testosterone. This will give you a week to reach a conclusion."
By the time we got to Mum's car, I was still upset. "Why didn't he just give me the injection?"
"Because he wants to make sure he is doing the right thing."
"Do you think I want to be a girl?"
"Woman. You're getting to old to be a girl. And I don't know. Some of the things you said from when you went out with Ashleigh sort of made me wonder, and I didn't want you to be frightened to say anything to me. From what I've been told at work, it is a medical issue, and should be treated as such."
"What about Dad?"
"Dad is aware of the issues. We have discussed it and he wants you to be happy. He finds it harder to understand, as he has never had the training on gender issues like I have. However, if you did want to be a woman, then I do know that Dad would still love you and wouldn't stop you getting the treatment you needed."
My mind flashed back to what Ashleigh had said about Tony and the way his parents were treating him. That was something I knew I could never live with and never risk.
"You are great parents," I said, leaning over and giving Mum a hug.
The week passed slowly. I saw both Mum and Dad watching my every move and even Dad asked some pointed questions, however I didn't swerve in my decision. I didn't want to risk being alienated like I'd heard Tony was. Dr Roberts still seemed reluctant, but did as he promised, and gave me my injection.
The following Sunday I went to see Ashleigh's parents. I hadn't even told Ashleigh, and just visited. Mr Thompson was the one who answered the door.
"I thought you'd been told that you can't see Ashleigh," he said gruffly.
"I'm not here to see her, but to see you and Mrs Thompson."
He seemed a bit surprised at that and opened the door wider to let me in. Ashleigh must have heard my voice as she appeared at the top of the stairs. "Go back to your room Ashleigh," he commanded and ushered me into the lounge where Mrs Thompson was. She seemed a bit surprised to see me.
"Thanks for seeing me," I said politely. "I came to give you some details you might not have been aware of last month. I had an issue that I hadn't started puberty. The doctor ran some tests and on Friday gave me an injection to help. The doctor said this would start puberty, so soon there should be no more issues about people mistaking me for a woman."
"And?" prompted Mrs Thompson.
"Since you know the truth, I was hoping that you both would change your minds about me seeing Ashleigh."
"It wasn't just the looks, but also your behaviour and the way you have influenced this family," said Mrs Thompson. "I think you have had a wasted journey coming here today. We don't want you to see Ashleigh ever again."
"You can't stop me from seeing her when she's eighteen," I reminded them.
"I think you should leave," said Mr Thompson, getting up from his chair.
As I left the house, I heard Ashleigh weeping. I just hoped I'd not made things worse. My parents were waiting for me when I got home and by the looks of their faces, they'd had a phone call.
"Mr Thompson rang and asked that you don't go back," Mum said.
"I had to try and change their minds," I said, feeling down.
"I know. However, some people can just be too pig-headed."
I didn't know what to do, so went up to my room. There was no sign of Ashleigh online, so I went to stare out of the window at the passing world. As I watched the buzzing of traffic on the distant main road, I prayed that I'd made the right decision about having the testosterone injection and that I would one day see Ashleigh again.
Remembrance Day
by Karen Page
Sunday, 9th November 2008
"Hey mum, the service at the Cenotaph is about to start," Laura called. When she didn't get any response, Laura thought that she mustn't have been loud enough, so she went upstairs to find her mum.
"Hey mum-" Laura trailed off as she saw her mum sitting on her bed, looking at a photo album, tears streaming uncontrolled and uncared down her face.
Laura stood there, not knowing what to do. It didn't seem right to intrude, but she'd never seen her mum like this before. Mum was always the strong one. Mum had been there when she'd done badly in her mock exams and had given her the encouragement that she could pass, which she had. Mum was the one that had helped when she'd broken up with her first real boyfriend and sat with her as she'd poured out her heart.
Deciding it was her turn to help her mum, Laura went up and sat down next to her mum and put her arm round her. "What's up?"
Yvonne gave a jump as she felt her nineteen year old daughter's hands on her. She'd not even heard her come in. Instantly, Yvonne shut the album, and said, "Is it on?"
"It will be in a minute. Are you okay mum?"
"Yes, I'm fine. I'll be down in a minute."
Laura went downstairs, rather confused and rather concerned. She'd never seen her mum like that before. It felt rather unsettling to see a highflying executive to be so out of control.
Yvonne came down a few minutes later, the tears all washed away and looking more like the mum that Laura knew. They watched the Remembrance Sunday service in silence, with Yvonne glimpsing little glances from her daughter throughout the service.
Laura had always thought it was strange. They'd gone to church most Sundays, but they never went on Remembrance Sunday. They always stayed home to watch the national service on television. It had always been the way it was, and it was only when she was older that Laura had wondered why, but never had the courage to ask her mum.
"Would you like to go to the Cenotaph?" Yvonne asked, surprising Laura. Laura was used to her mum's ways, but this one caught her by surprise.
"What? Now?"
"No, on Tuesday."
"But don't you have to work?"
"I know it seems like I'm always working, but I am allowed to take some time off."
"I suppose I could ask my boss if he wouldn't mind," Laura thought out loud.
The day passed without any further hint at what had happened during that morning. Laura did wonder though why her mum had suddenly brought up the idea of going into London to see the Cenotaph.
* * *
Tuesday, 11th November 2008
Laura's boss hadn't any problem with Laura having the day off. It was a quiet time of the year, with most of the work happening during the summer. He'd resigned himself that Laura was only there for a year, before she would go off the university. A strange gap year, but who was he to complain, she was one of the best workers he had.
"Why are we going to the Cenotaph?" Laura eventually worked up the courage to ask her mother.
Yvonne smiled. "All in good time, though I'm glad to see that you are asking me questions at last. You are nineteen now, and shouldn't be so nervous. I'm not going to eat you; I save that for the executives at work."
Laura only returned the smile. She still felt in awe at her mum, who'd raised her on her own and had still managed to become the CEO of a company that employed tens of thousands of people."
* * *
The train journey only took thirty minutes, and a quick underground trip soon had them in the right area.
The sun shone against the Portland stone of the Cenotaph, the base still surrounded by wreaths of poppies from Sunday's service. At eleven, they both stood there, staring at the memorial. In the distance the familiar bongs of Big Ben rang off the hour. A solitary tear broke Yvonne's defences and trickled down her face, only to be noticed by Laura.
"Are you okay, mum?" Laura asked as the two minute silence ended. She'd been thinking about the horrors of war. The millions that had died in World War I. The bombing and gassing of civilians in World War II. The people that had drowned and burnt in the Falkland War.
"Yes, though today is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Come on, let's try and grab an early lunch before we go to our next stop."
"It is good to see you again, Yvonne," a man in his fifties said. He'd been one of the people that had been marking the two minutes silence around the Cenotaph. "I just wish it was in better circumstances. This must be your daughter?"
Yvonne nodded and the man turned to Laura and offered his hand. "Quentin Hobson. It is good to finally meet you, Laura. You do so look like both of your parents."
"Nice to meet you, too," Laura replied formally as she shook his offered hand. Laura wasn't fazed with meeting someone that her mum knew, and had been raised to know when, and how to be, formal. What did surprise her was the mention of both her parents. She'd only known her mum. However, before she could ask him, he'd disappeared into the crowd.
"Who was that?" Laura asked bewildered. "And how did he know my name?"
"Quentin Hobson, but he'd already told you that. Come on, let's get that food! I'm hungry."
Laura knew that she wasn't going to get any more from her mum at the moment, but decided if it didn't come up again she would ask again that night. Nobody had ever mentioned her dad before.
At just past eleven, most places weren't open for lunch yet, so they found a nice quiet café that served all day breakfasts. As they ate, Yvonne asked Laura, "How did you feel during the two minutes silence?"
"Grateful that the people were willing to fight to save our freedoms. I just couldn't imagine what it must be like, knowing you might die, but still carrying on."
"So you appreciate the freedoms we have then?"
Laura looked across at her mum, wondering what she was getting at. Yvonne never said anything like that without some reason.
"Yes, though I'm not sure the current government does. They use the fear of terror to reduce our freedoms in the name of safety. Did you know that they plan to develop a huge database containing details of every phone call we make, and every email we send?"
"Yes, I knew, but it is nice to know that you do and that you have some passion about something in life."
After eating, they made their way back on the train. "Our next and final stop isn't far from home," Yvonne explained.
"I presume it is the local cemetery?"
"Yes. Are you okay going there, or would you rather I do this on my own?"
"I'm coming with you. Now are you going to tell me about Mr Hobson?"
"He is the headmaster at a rather remarkable school. Hopefully you'll get an invite to come with me to hear one of their fabulous concerts."
The train ride went smoothly and after paying the extortionate car park price, they made good time to the cemetery.
"Are you sure you want to come?" asked Yvonne, sounding nervous. She'd taken a plant out of the back of the car.
"Yes, now lead the way."
They eventually stopped by a well cared for grave, covered with fresh plants and flowers. Trying to hold back the tears, Yvonne placed her plant at the back of the grave.
Laura read the inscription. "Here lies Sally Taylor. She was much loved. 1965-1989". Laura was surprised, as she'd thought it would have been her dad.
"It's okay Mum. You can cry."
That was it for Yvonne, and a gentle trickle of tears started. Laura took her mum into her arms and the trickle became a flood.
"Thanks," said Yvonne, when she eventually gained her composure. "I often get upset when I come here."
"How often do you come?"
"Probably not often enough, or too often, depending what is happening. Could I have a few minutes alone?"
Laura wondered off and glanced at some of the other graves. She would often look up and check to see how her mum was doing. Some of the graves were in better condition than others, and it brought a lump into her throat. These people had died and it was like nobody cared who they were or what they'd done.
"You've got a glint in your eye," said Yvonne as she approached her daughter, having finished with her private time at Sally's grave. "What scheme have you come up with?"
Laura gave a little laugh, which seemed a bit at odds with their surroundings. "You know me too well. I was just thinking how some of these graves were unkempt, and wondered if it was because relatives lost touch with where ancestors were buried. I was thinking about trying to document the graves and create a website."
"Don't be disappointed if there is one already."
Laura nodded, but Yvonne could see her daughter's mind was still whirring with ideas.
As they headed back to the car park, a voice called out "Hi, Yvonne."
Yvonne and Laura both looked across. They'd been both busy talking they hadn't paid attention to the people coming and going.
"Justin!" called out Yvonne and rushed across to give him a huge hug.
When they separated, Laura had joined them.
"Ah, this must be your daughter, Laura. I'm Justin Taylor, pleased to meet you."
"Likewise," Laura replied, starting to get a bit narked at all these strangers knowing who she was.
When they got home, Yvonne said, "I've got to grab a few items together. Why don't you get sorted and we'll discuss things."
Laura agreed and disappeared into the downstairs toilet. "I need to be quicker than that," thought Yvonne as she went upstairs.
When Yvonne eventually came downstairs, she had a box full of items she might need. "No peeping," she warned Laura, as she went to get a nice bottle of wine and two glasses.
Laura's eyes widened as she saw the bottle. This wasn't a cheap wine.
"So, where do you want to start?" Yvonne asked as she poured out the wine.
"Can we start a bit backwards? I was going to ask about the Cenotaph, and what Mr Hobson said about how I looked like my parents. However, that seemed a difficult place to start. Why don't we start with who Sally Taylor is?"
"Okay. The man that we met as we left the cemetery, Justin, was Sally's younger brother. Justin works very closely with Quentin Hobson, who you met at the Cenotaph."
"So what does that have to do with you?" prompted Laura. She was used to her mum and knew that she often stalled with titbits of information that would throw people off track.
"Sally and I used to be married."
"WHAT!" exclaimed a shocked Laura. "Why have you never mentioned her before?"
"You were very young when she died. When you were older, I've never found a good time to tell you."
"Hang on," started Laura, regaining some of her normal thoughts. "They have only just started to allow civil partnerships, and they've never allowed same-sex marriages. How could you have been married?"
"You're too smart," sighed Yvonne, pulling out the photo album that she'd been crying over the other day. She flicked forward a few pages and showed it to Laura, who'd come over to sit next to her.
"These were taken just after you were born."
Laura took the album and saw two very happy women, taking it in turns holding a baby. The women were cuddled together and appeared very much in love.
"Is that Sally?"
"Yes," sobbed Yvonne, tears again streaming down her face. "She was always so beautiful."
"You both were," said Laura, cuddling up to her mum. "You seemed so happy together. How did you meet?"
"We met in a pub. Sally was there with some friends, and I was there with mine. We got chatting and we hit it off. Things were hectic, due to Sally's job. She often was called away at short notice, sometimes for many weeks. Sally was stabbed, while working abroad. She managed to make it back to England and was rushed to hospital. However, her wounds were too severe, and after many hours in the operating theatre, the surgeons knew they could do no more. She died in my arms on the 11th of November 1989. As she died, she made me promise that I would be the best mum I could be."
"You have been," Laura sobbed.
Yvonne took the photo album from Laura and gently stroked the face of Sally, before closing it.
Laura and Yvonne both cried a bit longer, Yvonne remembering the death of her partner. Laura for the person she never knew.
"Since you were both capable of being legally married, I take it that you were both my biological parents," Laura eventually said.
"Yes," said Yvonne, looking like she was about to burst into tears.
"One of you used to be a man?"
"Yes," Yvonne replied, dreading the next question.
"Then I now know why I never knew my Dad, I never really had one. I was one of the lucky people to have two parents who loved me. I don't need to know more than that."
Yvonne burst into tears once again, this time tears of relief and happiness. She put the photo album back in the box and took it back to her bedroom.
Today would just be the remembrance of the death in service of Sally, but now Yvonne would remember the day she knew her daughter had accepted both her parents.
Survival
by Karen Page
The survival of the Human Race rests with one person. Can that person be found and the planet saved?
Prologue - Fifteen years ago
Donna heaved a sigh of relief, as the cool of her house soothed her red arms. The thick three hundred year old bricks shielded the house from the heat of the summer. Her parents had purchased the house in a sleepy rural village twenty years ago when prices were cheap. Now the prices were astronomical.
"I don't know how you can play tennis in this heat. Especially playing in the middle of the afternoon," teased Hilda.
"It quite straight forward," replied Donna, sticking out her tongue. "You just hit the ball with the racket; no different from normal, really. Anyway, I'm sure you were doing more energetic things with Adam."
"Adam and I have never done anything inappropriate," Hilda protested.
"Okay you two," interrupted their mother, Margaret Saunders, before their bantering got out of hand. "We have a guest coming in an hour. So please change into something a bit more respectable, and Donna, please have a shower."
Donna, thought about sticking her tongue out at her mother, but thought better of it. It might be her sixteenth birthday, but that wouldn't have stopped her mother from punishing her.
"Who is coming?" asked Hilda.
"Mrs Singleton."
"Not that I don't like her, but why is she coming on my birthday? Doesn't she normally come on Hilda's, due to her being Hilda's godmother?"
"She wasn't able to come last week due to her husband being ill, so she is coming today. She has something very important to discuss with both of you, so I expect you both to be on your best behaviour; especially you, Donna Louise Saunders."
"Yes Mum," the two children replied in unison.
"Why did Mum have to have such a good memory," bemoaned Donna to herself. "I only was naughty in front of Mrs Singleton once when I was seven."
When the doorbell chimed, the two sisters were sat in the lounge, dressed in casual, but smart clothes. Margaret ushered a woman who was slightly older than she was into the room. Moira Singleton was small, at about five foot, but never stood for any nonsense. There was rumour that she'd tackled two burglars that were both over six feet tall and won. Moira visited once a month and would always stop for many hours. Even though she was older, the children never tired of her visits. She would often delight the girls with many antics that their mother would frown upon.
"Hi girls," she said as she ambled in.
"Hi, Mrs Singleton," they responded in unison, both giving her a huge hug.
"Happy birthday Donna," she said, passing Donna a present. She also gave Hilda a present while saying, "And a slightly belated happy eighteenth to you Hilda. Now you are both past the age of sixteen, I think you should call me Moira."
Hilda and Donna both ripped open their presents. They were identical. Inside was a gold chain. Running within the twists was a blue thread. At the end was a sealed ball about a centimetre in diameter.
"Don't put them on yet," asked Margaret when Hilda examined the chain, looking for the nonexistent fastener.
"That's just like the one I've seen you wear," said Donna to her mother. Moira opened the top two buttons on her pale yellow blouse and she showed them that not only did their mother have an identical chain, but she also did.
"What's the blue in the chain, and what does it signify?" asked Hilda.
"Donna, why don't you cut your birthday cake and we can nibble on that while Moira explains why she is here," requested Margaret.
They all sang happy birthday to Donna and she proceeded to cut the triple chocolate cake. As Donna passed out slices to everyone, Moira requested, "What I'm about to tell you doesn't get discussed with anybody else, under any circumstances. Can I have your agreement on that before I proceed?"
Donna immediately agreed. Hilda, however, didn't. "I'll only agree as long as what is being discussed isn't illegal."
Moira and Margaret exchanged a knowing grin. "What I'm about to say isn't illegal, so that shouldn't be a problem."
Moira took a device out of her bag, pressed a button, and placed it on the table. The circular object had a blue thread running along its perimeter, just like the necklace. "This is a security shield and should make sure this conversation stays quiet."
"I've never heard of such a device," said Donna, her mouth wide open.
"This device doesn't exist on Earth," replied Moira. "It was invented on a planet just over eighty light years away."
"WHAT!?" simultaneously exclaimed both Donna and Hilda.
"Are we aliens?" queried Donna.
"No, you are human. Let me explain and things might become clearer."
"In 1923 a spaceship landed in a little alpine village in Switzerland. It was from a planet called Alfare, where they were concerned that this planet was heading towards disaster. The only way to save the Human Race is if we develop spaceflight and humanity spreads to different planets. They predicted that within a hundred years there would be a genius who would be able to design a spaceship. Their prophet drew a picture of a woman in her fifties, with her only child beside a spaceship. That is the only clue. Before they left, they warned that another planet called Reginadde would try to influence this planet to self-destruct. The aliens weren't sure how, but they said that nature would naturally disguise our saviour and her talent, so it wouldn't be visible until we helped. If we missed this opportunity, then the human race would never reach the 22nd century."
"How do we know they weren't just crackpots?" asked Hilda.
"They predicted certain events and they have been right. This includes the end of World War II, man landing on the moon and the date of Pope John-Paul II's death."
"Why didn't they just give us a spaceship, or the technology?"
"The technology comes with certain risks. Without the development required over time, it wouldn't be possible for us to build a spaceship ourselves. If they gave us a spaceship, the planet would never have got past World War II. This is the only way to ensure the survival of the Human Race."
"So how is this genius to be found?"
"Each of us wears a necklace like this one and it enhances our perception. If we find 'the one' we will know. Some people have more enhanced perception than others have. There are only a dozen 'true seekers' throughout the world."
"Why are you telling us this?" naively asked Donna.
"Because Moira wants us to join the group," responded Hilda.
"Will you?" asked Moira.
"What will it do to us?" asked Hilda, before Donna could immediately agree. "Will it shorten our lives? Make us less human?"
Donna, who was about to agree, closed her mouth and moved closer to her sister.
"The necklace enhances your perception and sometimes gives new abilities. It doesn't take away anything from you. You certainly don't become less human. If 'the one' is found then it might become dangerous if the people from Reginadde influence the situation."
"What happens if we accept?" asked Hilda.
"Then you put on your necklace and I will scan you with a special machine. It will tell me what skills, if any, that it has given you. It will also tell me a few other things about you, which help me plan."
"Can I discuss this privately with Hilda?" Donna asked.
"That sounds like a good idea," agreed Moira.
"Just before you go, why are you telling us this, not Mum?"
"Because I'm head organiser of the UK search. I report to the lead in Switzerland. She is the great granddaughter of the person who met the aliens."
With that, Moira and Margaret left the two young women alone.
"What do we do?" Donna asked her big sister.
"I don't know. Do you want to join?"
"Yes, but I'm always impulsive. That is why I wanted to speak with you alone."
"Well why don't you cut us both a large slice of that cake and we can discuss it."
The two girls spent the next hour talking through, not just about joining the search for 'the one', but what they wanted to do with their life. By the time they had called their Mum and Moira back, they had finished the cake and were feeling rather sick.
"You girls never cease to amaze me," said Moira with a grin. "Do you have any more questions, or do you have an answer?"
"One quick question, do you have any more cake?" asked Donna with a giggle.
"I take that as a no," replied her Mum.
"We'll both do it," said Hilda. "How could anyone refuse?"
"Put on your necklaces," instructed Moira. "There is no catch. Just put it around your neck and hold the ends together. The ends will seal, creating a necklace that can't be lost."
"Or removed," observed Hilda. "In for a penny..."
"In for a pound," continued Donna.
The two sisters held the ends together and silently the ends conjoined. No join was visible.
"Are you both okay?" queried an anxious Margaret.
"Fine," Donna replied
"No different than before," agreed Hilda.
"Are you okay for me to scan you?" asked Moira.
When both girls agreed, she waved a small box over Donna. "Interesting," was the only response.
She then waved the small box over Hilda. The box started beeping madly.
"What does it say?" asked Hilda.
"Hang on. Wow. That's rare."
"What is it?" asked Margaret.
"Hilda has developed skills; very rare ones. Not only has she got a very high perception level; classified as a 'strong true seeker'. She also has the ability to 'give of herself'."
"What's that?" Hilda asked.
"It is very dangerous. You can give part of your life force to save another person. One career I recommend you don't pursue is becoming a doctor."
"I was thinking about trying to become a psychiatrist. Is that okay?"
"With your perception, that would be a great career. You are a complex person to analyse. This is taking a lot longer than normal."
"So what do we do?" asked Donna.
"Nothing more than you ever did," replied Moira. "Just let me know if you spot 'the one'."
Just then, the scanner started beeping again. Moira peered at the display. "NO!" she exclaimed. "This can't be true."
"What is it?" demanded Margaret, snatching the machine from Moira. "Oh shit!"
Margaret then collapsed into a heap on the floor and wept.
Present time
Chapter One
"At last, a bit of progress," George Harries sighed. He was left in the room with his three colleagues, the delegations having already filed out.
"Now I didn't expect that," said Craig, collapsing into a chair.
"Always expect the unexpected," replied George. "I thought you'd have understood that by now."
"Oh I do," he replied, not liking the mild rebuke. "It's just so out of character."
"I agree and tomorrow we need to try and understand what their motivation is. Unless we understand the delegates, it's going to be very precarious. However, that's for tomorrow; tonight we will go to the opera."
Craig, Henry, and Melissa all smiled to themselves. George was renowned for his love of highbrow music. Craig and Henry had both packed dinner jackets and Melissa had a few gowns. When the team had been created, they had all been surprised by George's sudden decision to go to the ballet and none of them had the necessary outfits. None of them wanted to repeat the mad last-minute panic of finding something appropriate.
"The car will be outside the hotel at six thirty. That will give us enough time to get past the reporters, and be seated."
At six fifteen, George stood in front of the mirror and straightened his bow tie. Straightening his bow tie was a standard nervous reaction that he'd tried to stop, but so far failed. This was one of the reasons he never wore a suit when leading discussions.
He glanced around and saw Melissa, still in her underwear, remove her dress from the wardrobe. He glanced at his watch and saw they had fifteen minutes before the car would be outside the hotel lobby. There wasn't time for another session of fun.
"Oh well, maybe later," he thought to himself.
With a few minutes to spare, George and Melissa sauntered through the hotel lobby, not showing any signs of their two hours of inappropriate behaviour. They met with Craig and Henry before walking towards the waiting throng of reporters.
"George…George" shouted the reporters on mass, amid the flash of bulbs. "Is there any breakthrough in the peace discussions?"
"Things are progressing well," he replied, totally at ease with the press. "We are approaching a delicate juncture, so I won't say anything else. Tonight, I'm taking my aides out for some much-needed relaxation. I'd be glad if you could give us some peace, so we can relax and be ready to get back to hard negotiations tomorrow."
The press moved to one side and they climbed into the awaiting limousine. Ten minutes later, they arrived at Covent Garden for the evening's concert. The police escort had them through the busy London traffic in record time.
"I've heard this production has excellent reviews," commented Henry, as they settled in their box.
"Would have been better to sit in the stalls," grumbled George. "The sound in the boxes is awful. The shape of the boxes really damages the acoustics."
The other three just gave nods. George was renowned for his love of music. If it weren't for security reasons, he would never have agreed to sit where he was. There were many opponents of the peace talks on both sides of the conflict. The independent negotiator was always the prime target of such radicals.
As the music flowed out from the orchestra and singers, the tension of three days of negotiation drifted from their bodies. These types of talks were never easy. One misspoken word could dent the fragile truce. One misguided look could destroy the fragile trust that each side had with George Harries and his negotiating team. Negotiations like this were fraught with difficulties and nobody else had accepted the challenge. If these talks failed then-. No, nobody wanted to imagine the consequences.
During the interval, the interval drinks and a plate of exquisite sandwiches were brought to their box. While Melissa went to queue up outside the ladies Henry asked, "So did you?"
"Mind your own business," George replied. "All four of us are a team."
"You mean you would sleep with me or Craig?"
George, being the perfect negotiator, kept his poker face, even if inside he was choking at the thought.
"Are you up for it?" George replied; surprising the other two men and making them lose their control. "You two need to do better at coping with unexpected conditions," he chastised them. "It does no good in the middle of delicate talks if you can't control yourselves."
"Yes George," they replied.
When Melissa returned, there was no time for further discussions. It was time for the concert to restart.
The opera wasn't one of George's favourites, but it had achieved its aim. With their mobiles turned off, the four of them had a few hours of peace. The stress of trying to negotiate a peace treaty between two warring factions was never easy, but this conflict had been going on for so long, the animosity was instinctive and cultural. It required a change in thought, as well as deed.
As the opera finished, there was a moment of silence and then the audience erupted into applause. As the soloists took their bows, George suddenly felt ill and sat down in his seat. Melissa instantly knelt beside him, trying to find the nature of the problem.
"He's unconscious," she calmly whispered to Craig. "Get an ambulance and keep it quiet. I'd dread to think what would happen if the peace talks fail due to rumours about George's health."
Chapter Two
"Thank you, Hilda Saunders," said the host and the audience spontaneously burst into applause. This was the first book festival that Hilda had visited since the launch of her book.
When the applause died down the host said, "We have about ten minutes. Hilda has agreed to answer any questions, so if anybody has any questions please raise your hand and I'll pick someone."
A few hands shot into the air and the host pointed to someone.
"You said in your talk that you wanted to help people, and you saw becoming a psychiatrist a good way of achieving that. Why did you decide to specialise in gender issues? Gender issues aren't really regarded as the most important of issues."
"Thank you for your question. This one is a difficult one to answer, as it is a bit personal. Soon after my eighteenth birthday, I found my boyfriend of two years was gender dysphoric. Many people urged me to leave him, which I found heartless. He needed my help. Over the next few years, I saw him develop into a wonderful woman. She is still one of my closest friends."
"Don't you find such Non Breeders a waste of society's resources?" shouted a women. "Shouldn't they be put down, so they don't unnecessarily consume the world's precious resources?"
There was suddenly a lot of murmuring in the audience and people looked round to see who'd quoted the far-right political statement.
"No, I don't agree with Fredrick Smith on that point. Gays, lesbians and transsexuals might not breed, but they give a lot to society. Some top musicians, actors, inventors, doctors, surgeons could be classified as 'Non Breeders'. Without their skills, society would be a lot worse off. In addition, with the size of the world's population, it isn't crucial for everyone to have children. China has had population controls in place for decades and India has introduced restrictions on the number of children people can have. Even so, the world's population is growing too fast to be sustainable. Gays, lesbians and transsexuals have every much a right to live as other people. We no longer persecute people based on religion or skin tone, so why should we classify people by their ability to have children?"
The majority of the audience must have agreed with her, as the audience burst into applause. The woman who had asked the question lost her nerve and vacated her seat, which only lead to increase in the ferocity of the appreciation.
"Thank you, Hilda Saunders," said the host above the applause. "I hope you found your first festival not as daunting as many think it is."
As Hilda left the hall, she bumped into the man that had asked her the first question. "Thank you for an interesting talk," he said. "I hadn't thought about seeing your talk, but arrived here early, so decided to give it a go. I'm glad I did."
"Thank you, I think," laughed Hilda. "I'm glad you liked it. What did you come to see?"
"Oh, there is a fringe talk entitled 'if true space travel is feasible'. It's invite only, I'm afraid."
"I'm sure it is possible, given the correct design and technology," answered Hilda, thinking of the aliens that had passed on the information all those years ago.
"Not many people would agree with you. It was hard enough to get people to walk on Mars. No government wants to invest the money to research it and no private companies have that kind of resource."
"It's strange," thought Hilda to herself, "that nobody in the group knew about this talk. 'The one' might be there."
"It's a shame it's invite only," Hilda said, trying to look upset. "It sounds a really interesting talk."
"Well I'm allowed to bring a guest and I am alone. Would you care to join me?"
"Are you sure?" Hilda replied, trying to sound calm.
"After you've just entertained me for an hour, it would be an honour. By the way, I'm Richard; Richard Head."
"You already know my name, so I'm not going to insult you by telling you. So, tell me about this session."
"We have about an hour before it starts. Let me buy you a drink and I'll tell you about it."
Richard and Hilda walked down the road; the evening sun was still strong and was keeping the temperature high. As they approached a pub, they heard the dull thud of a loud base beat. A few customers left and the roar of modern music blared out.
"Let's try the next one," suggested Hilda.
"My thoughts exactly," Richard replied with a short laugh. "I'm not too old to appreciate the thing the youth call music, but it isn't really conducive to a good chat."
Instead of a pub, they went into a hotel bar. "It's a bit quieter than a pub," remarked Hilda. "But drinks are a little more expensive. Are you okay with that?"
"I'm a consultant," Richard replied. "I probably don't get paid as much as Britain's foremost gender psychiatrist, but let's just say that I can afford to drink in here."
They both settled down to a quiet corner with each nursing an expensive drink. How they could charge twice as much for a soft drink over an alcoholic one was something neither of them wanted to try to understand.
"So, who's the guest?" Hilda asked.
"It's someone called Julian Prosser. He theorised in his latest book that it would possible to travel faster than light."
"Really? How?"
Richard grinned at that. It was nice that someone took such things seriously. "Well they don't actually travel faster than light; it just appears that they do. It's easier to say that the ship travels faster than light."
After three hours of chatting, they were still on their original drinks. The fact they missed the actual talk hadn't dawned on either of them. Hilda, who'd never got into space research, was finding it fascinating. Richard had never found someone so attentive who had asked such pointed and relevant questions.
For the first time in many years Richard started to relax, his barriers gradually lowered, as he got more enthusiastic. Richard was finding this person more interesting than just someone he could talk to. As he talked, he would sneak a look into her eyes.
Hilda, who had originally linked up with Richard to get involved with people inspired with space, had found her wants changing. She had found him an interesting person who she'd like to be friends with. However, in the last half hour, she was looking deep into his hazel eyes as he explained theories. None of her previous boyfriends had worked out. The only one she had truly loved was Adam and he was now called Eve. Relationships during university never really took off as she could tell there was no love. The necklace might help her with her job, but for relationships, it was a curse. Now she was getting good vibes, he was interested in her and the interest appeared genuine. Only time would tell if things would develop further.
"Hey Dick, we missed you at the talk," said a voice from behind.
"Have I missed it?" Richard replied, looking at his watch. "Where has the time gone?"
"It's my fault," apologised Hilda. "We got chatting about space vehicle designs and we both lost track of time. We're still on our first drinks as well."
"Such a cheap date," the man laughed. "What a find! Well as Richard probably will explain, time is the key to it all. Anyway, I'll leave you to it. Good seeing you!"
With that, the mystery man disappeared towards the stairs.
"Who was that and what did he mean about time being the key?"
"That was Julian Prosser, the guy who was giving the talk. His ideas are interesting, but I don't agree with them all. I have my own theories. One thing we both share in common is that perception is the key. There are many ways to look at it. First, the shortest path might not always be the quickest, and second, the shortest path might not be the most obvious."
Hilda looked a little confused, so Richard continued, "Take the Internet in the early 1990's. A lot of resource was in America; therefore, European countries all invested into high bandwidth lines to America. Consequently, it was quicker to download a large file from another European country by routing via America, rather than directly. So in certain circumstances, as the theory goes, to travel to one planet, the quickest route might not be the obvious one."
"Whose theories are correct?"
"Who knows," Richard replied, with a shrug of his shoulders. "They're just theories. They might both be correct, or both wrong, or maybe just one is right. Nobody knows, as the science hasn't caught up to test them."
"I've just realised what Julian called you. How could your parents have been so cruel?"
"I've no idea," he replied. "I never thought to ask them. I've lived with the name all my life, so the shortened version never really upsets me."
The shrill sound of Hilda's mobile phone broke the relative peace of the bar. It was the type of noise that attracted attention, which is what it did. Everyone looked around to see the ashen white face of Hilda. This was the type of call she dreaded.
"Hilda speaking," she said into the phone.
"We have had another case," the impersonal electronically disguised voice said. "This one however is high impact. Can you confirm your exact location, we are sending an ETP, and it's in your area now."
"Oh God," she moaned to herself. "I hate ETP's."
After giving her location she said, "I'll wait outside."
"No, for your own safety, please stay where you are. You will be collected."
The phone call was terminated before she could say anything else.
"That's one hell of a ring tone."
"Not my choice. This one is a work emergency, transport is being sent."
The racket of the Emergency Transportation Pod setting down disturbed the stillness of the night air. People all around flocked to see the rare sight. Since they were created, the seven vehicles had each amassed about four journeys each, as they were so expensive to operate. In essence, they were heavily modified helicopters, with afterburners sucking the fuel from huge on-board storage tanks. There only aim, to get someone or something to their destination as quickly as possible. Viewers, however, got more than they expected, as five heavily armed army personnel exited. Two took up position around the vehicle and the other three ran into the hotel.
"Everyone, onto the floor," commanded Captain Stephens at the top of his voice. The chatter about the ETP stopped at the sight of the three heavily armed guards. Nobody moved from their chairs, as they gaped at the sight in front of them.
"Onto the floor," was the command for a second time, as he moved his gun from the carrying position. Everyone in the room scrambled to comply.
The captain stayed in position, while the other two guards rushed to Hilda. "Dr Hilda Saunders?"
Hilda nodded.
"Then please come with us."
As Hilda started to get up off the floor, Richard leaned across and kissed her. "Good luck," he said. "I hope we meet again."
That single, gentle kiss, send a shiver down her spine. The way he had slipped it passed her defences mattered little to her. She had to leave and she didn't have his phone number.
"Dr Saunders!" ordered the young soldier, jarring her mind back to some sort of reality.
"Coming," she sighed, not wanting to leave, but knowing duty called. To send an ETP was unusual, but to send an armed ETP was unheard off. The extra fuel needed made it very costly. Ever since the burning of the Middle East oil fields, the price of fuel was astronomic and they were only used for dire circumstances.
As she picked herself up of the floor, Hilda started to sort through the multitude of emotions. Fear was there, but many different fears, fear not knowing where she was going and why there was an armed escort. Fear that she might not see Richard again, as she fought the desire to return the kiss. She had an attraction to Richard, which seemed to be more intense than she usually felt to other people. It was too early for her to tell if the attraction was love or lust, but something was definitely stirring inside her.
As she walked away, she felt there was more. She turned around to look into his face. His reassuring smile shone and his eyes sparkled, yet there was something amiss. She stared into his eyes, trying to understand the complexities of his soul. As she analysed his emotions there were several that she didn't understand. It then hit her with the same ferocity as it had the first time, with Adam just after her eighteenth birthday; Richard was a transsexual. Nevertheless, there was something else, something hidden. As she saw passed the mixed emotions, she saw what nobody else would be able to see. It was hidden so perfectly. Only someone who loved him and accepted him being a transsexual would be able to see it. Richard was 'the one'.
The two soldiers grabbed each of her arms and frog marched her out to the hotel bar.
"I can run by myself," she shouted at them. "Put me down."
They complied and they ran out of the lobby into the street, where the ETP awaited. The crowds gave a gasp as they saw a young woman running out, surrounded by a military escort for her safety. Once everyone was secured into the flying fuel tanker, it rose gracefully from the ground like a helicopter and hovered for a few seconds. The burners fired and it disappeared into the night, leaving the onlookers with tales that they would be able to tell their children and grandchildren.
Chapter Three
"Who's the patient," Hilda screamed into her headset, over the noise of the ETP.
"We don't know," one of the soldiers shouted back. "We were ordered to fetch you and we were told that all but you were dispensable."
"WHAT?" shouted back Hilda in shock. All thoughts of Richard evaporated from her mind.
The soldiers didn't reply. They were keeping a constant look out for anything that might attack them. Even though they were the fastest thing in the air and it was unlikely that someone could shoot them down, the soldiers took their mission very seriously.
"Everyone, hold tight," ordered the pilot. "This might be a bit bumpy."
Hilda, who had been on an ETP twice before, knew that the captain's warning was a huge understatement. They had managed to do the distance in fifteen minutes, where in a ground vehicle it would have taken four hours and they needed to decrease velocity rather quickly.
"Retro burn in three seconds," announced the co-pilot.
Hilda, like the soldiers, checked that their harness were taught and grabbed hold of the straps. The two soldiers on lookout continued their vigil looking for hostile forces. The braking and landing would be the most dangerous times, as the vehicle would be travelling at its slowest.
"Who on Earth did I upset to get another trip on an ETP?" she moaned to herself. This was Hilda's third trip and had now been a passenger in more flights than anyone apart from the handpicked pilot and co-pilot.
Hilda found herself lurching forward against the extra padded harness, as the front burners kicked in, rapidly slowing the ETP to that of a snail. As it slowed down, the vehicle lurched several times and stabilising burners fired to stop them slewing. Hilda was glad that she had been so enthralled with Richard that she hadn't eaten. Last time she'd flown an ETP she'd brought back all her breakfast.
Having slowed, they landed gently on the roof of the London Hospital. Over the last few years, the government had merged all of the hospitals in greater London into a huge hospital built on the grounds of the abandoned Dome. Waiting on the roof were five more heavily armed soldiers.
"Dr Saunders, please follow me," replied one of the soldiers.
Hilda gingerly stepped out of the ETP, her heart still pounding from the rapid deceleration. Her legs nearly gave way as she took her first step, but the soldier was ready for that.
"Take a second," he said. "Then we must get you inside."
"Who's the patient?" Hilda managed to ask, as the noise of the departing ETP diminished.
"Please come with me," was the only response.
Surrounded by the soldiers, she was ushered through a door and into the hospital. No words were spoken and after going down two flights of stairs and through numerous doors, they entered a heavily guarded corridor.
"Please come with me," he ordered, after performing both a retina and finger validation test.
Hilda by this time didn't even bother to ask any questions. She knew she wouldn't be told anything. The chances were they didn't even know who or what they were protecting.
"I'm Major Tom Thomas," he said, as he escorted her down the corridor. "If you need to go outside the secured area, you must inform me. I will organise a team to protect you."
Before Hilda got time to acknowledge, Tom knocked on a door and, as he opened it, said to Hilda, "In you go."
Hilda walked into the room and Tom closed the door behind her.
"Oh, Dr Williams," said Hilda with a smile. "It's good to see you again. The phone call said that they'd struck again."
"Indeed they have. The patient is a George Harries. He was taken ill at the end of an opera and has been unconscious for just under an hour."
"Are things going as per the previous three cases?"
"So far, yes, though there was a slight difference in the latter stages on the last patient, so we will be keeping a watchful eye."
"Why all the security?"
"Does the name George Harries ring any bells?"
"Only the-," Hilda's voice trailed off. "This isn't THE George Harries, the head of the peace negotiations?"
"I'm afraid so. Obviously, if the details got out, then all hell would break loose and the two sides would start fighting again. With enough countries backing either side, things would go downhill very rapidly."
"Then I hope your security is tight. Okay, give me the rundown on our patient's status."
"The initial period of metamorphosis is well underway. His blood pressure is fluctuating, has an elevated temperature, and is, as per normal, unconscious."
"Thank goodness for that," murmured Hilda. "I would hate for them to go through the process awake. It is hard enough now, without the stress of knowing what is happening to them."
"Would you like to play it like the previous cases?"
"It's probably best to. I'll have a rest now and let you deal with the medical intervention. Can you get someone to wake me about an hour before he awakes? I'll need to be fully ready for the long hours of psychiatric care that will be needed."
"I'll show you to what will be your room for the next few days. You're lucky as it used to be a private room, so has its own bathroom."
"Thanks," said Hilda, rising from the chair.
Her room was just opposite Dr Williams's office. At the end of the corridor, she saw a few well-armed soldiers, blocking anybody entering, but also her leaving.
"I'm sorry that it isn't much."
"It will do. Just don't forget to wake me before George wakes."
"Don't worry about that. There is no way I want to be without you when he finds out what's happened. I remember only too well how the previous victims reacted."
Dr Williams left, leaving Hilda time to rest. Sleep however, was illusive, as her mind went through what she knew was happening, and what she would have to do when George awoke. It was only as she woke, that she remembered Richard Head. Her first reaction was worry that she'd lost him and she pulled out her mobile to tell Moira Singleton.
As she dialled the number, there was a knock on her door. "Dr Saunders, it's time."
"I'll be out in a moment," she called back, putting her mobile away. That call would have to wait.
"Did you sleep well?" asked Dr Williams, as Hilda entered the observation area.
At the other side of the one-way glass lay their patient, a medical blanket covering his body. The monitors were gently beeping, as they fed his vital information back to the medical personnel carefully caring for his needs. No expense had been spared in looking after one of the world's most prominent negotiators. It was an expense which would later cause the hospital administrators many problems,which would later cause the hospital administrators many problems as they tried to balance the hospital's budget.
"Not really, too many things on my mind. How's our patient?"
"The transformation has been completed. There was a slight difference during the third phase, but nothing that we weren't able to deal with."
"A big difference?"
"Not big, it seems like a slightly different variation of what we saw in the previous victim. Since we were keeping an eye out, we were able to intervene before the fluid loss became fatal."
"Then let's hope I don't mess up."
"No pressure," laughed Dr Williams dryly. "I've only had the Prime Minister on the phone four times, reminding me how important George Harries is. The three members of his team have been analysed and none of them show any symptoms. They have been asking to see George."
"Not until I've got him stable," responded Hilda taking control. "You've saved his life, now let me go see him and keep him mentally sane."
"Do you mind if I watch you in action?"
"Not at all, though keep out unless he physically deteriorates. I expect a lot of emotion when he finds out his body is now physically female."
by Karen Page
"Here comes another contraction. Use it to push," instructed Sally.
"Ahhhh," Penny screamed, pushing as much as she could. After fourteen hours of labour, she was coming to the end of the delivery.
"You're doing really well," soothed Ian, Penny's loving husband. "It'll soon be over."
"Oh shut up, you pig. You're the one that did this to me."
"I know it's not easy," said the nurse, as they waited for the next contraction. "But try not to scream, as it uses up your energy. Channel your energy into pushing instead of screaming."
Penny was about to scream an obscenity at the nurse, but another contraction took hold and she felt the uncontrolled urge to push.
"Pant," suddenly ordered Sally, as the head forced its way out.
Ian, still holding his wife's hand, even though she'd squeezed and pinched him, panted along with his wife. He remembered the importance of this from the prenatal classes. When she was panting, she couldn't push, and that would let the midwife check that the cord wasn't wrapped around the baby's neck.
"You can stop panting and start pushing again," said Sally.
With the next few contractions, the baby came out a bit more.
"One more push and you'll no longer be pregnant."
"Ahhhh," this time the scream wasn't that of Penny, but that of the baby.
"Ian, do you still want to cut the cord?" Sally asked the sobbing father.
"Oh, yes, please!"
Ian thought it would be like a grand opening of a shop, but it was certainly a lot messier. There was blood all over the sheets. The cord was quickly clamped in two places and Ian cut in-between. It was rather symbolic, as Sally marked the place in the middle of the cord, with plenty of gap between the mother and baby. Sally clamped the cord closer to the baby's abdomen, trimmed it shorter, and then wrapped the baby before passing the bundle of joy to Penny before reaching across and pressing the call button.
"I'll just give you the injection to help you push out the placenta," said Sally, keeping things busy. Once the placenta was out and checked, Sally cleaned things up.
"Is it a boy or girl?" Ian asked Sally, cuddling up to his wife to get a closer view. He had gradually stopped crying and was beaming with happiness. This was one of their happiest times. It was an obvious question, which they had forgotten to ask. They'd expected to be told when the baby was delivered.
"I'm not really sure," replied Sally, her heart sinking. This was the first time she'd seen this condition and now her training seemed inadequate. "I'm going to have to get a paediatrician down to check the baby over."
"You're not sure?" Ian looked up in shock. "What do you mean, you're not sure?"
"I'm sorry, but I really need to get the doctor down to explain. The baby seems very healthy and scored a nine in the APGAR scale."
Another nurse came into the room and Sally went across to see her. "Julie, I'm having trouble identifying the sex of the Penny's child. Could you get a consultant down?"
"Are you sure?"
"I'm afraid so. Can you also tell Vicky?"
"Sure."
Julie disappeared and Sally moved back to the parents.
"How are you doing?"
"How do you think?" Ian retorted, his wife crying slightly.
"I'm sure the doctor won't be long. In the meantime, Penny, would you like try and feed?"
"I'm not hungry."
"I meant would you like to try and feed your child. It says in your notes that you had a preference for breast feeding."
"Is it wise to? It won't make things worse, will it?"
"It won't make things worse. It will give your baby important nutrition and antibodies."
The baby had already been searching for food, its small mouth moving. Penny exposed her right breast, and tried to put her baby onto it, but missed.
"It's always hard the first time," said Sally moving to help. "Rest your baby against your arm and gently lift. Always move the baby to the breast, not your breast to the baby. Remember to always support the neck."
After a few near misses, the baby suddenly attached and started to feed. A few minutes later, the baby came off, asleep in Penny's arms.
"If only all babies were that good," smiled Sally. "Most take a lot longer to get onto the breast. They have to learn how to feed as well, as you have to learn how to feed them."
There was a gentle knock on the door and two people came in. The room was getting rather crowded. One was a woman in her forties and the other was a man, wearing a white coat, who looked to be in his fifties.
"Mr and Mrs Young. I'm Victoria Hammond, the midwifery sister. This is Dr Copland, a paediatric doctor. Would it be possible for us to examine your child?"
Penny handed her sleeping baby to her husband, who carefully passed the precious cargo to the doctor. The little one stayed asleep, oblivious to all the attention.
"Well, hello little one," he said, cradling the baby. "I'm going to open the blanket and examine your baby. That includes the genitals. Is that okay?"
"Yes," said Ian, slightly uncertain.
"Why don't you observe," said the doctor, laying the baby in the small Perspex baby cot. "I'll explain what I do as I go along. I'm going to start by listening to the heart and do a general check-up. I'll leave the genitals to last."
The parents watched, slightly dumfounded as the doctor did his checks. He didn't rush and explained the results as he went. Victoria, the midwife sister, took notes on the baby's record sheet.
"You have a very healthy child," said Dr Copland as he finished.
"Do we have a boy or a girl?" asked Penny.
"I'm afraid that it isn't that easy. Your child's genitalia are ambiguous. I will need to perform more tests. I also can't guarantee that urine will flow out of what looks like a penis."
"Will our baby survive?" asked Penny, slightly panicking.
"I don't see anything life threatening," reassured Dr Copland. "I will need to perform some tests to see what's actually going on internally. Once we see what's inside, I'll be able to make a proper judgement. I'll go and make the appointments. In the meantime, carry on as you would normally. I doubt the ultrasound will be before tomorrow at the earliest."
"What names had you chosen?" asked Sally.
"We'd chosen Brian for a boy and Jillian for a girl, but all that's out the window. I suppose we should choose a generic name like Sam or Alex."
"Wow, Brian and Jillian are really nice names, so why don't you stick with them. There is no rush to register the name. You have forty-two days to do that."
"Are you sure?" asked Ian, turning to Victoria.
"Sally is correct. Since you have dealt with Sally for the birth, why don't I leave you with her," said Victoria. "Sally, if you need anything, just let me know."
"What happens now?" asked Ian as Victoria disappeared out of the delivery room.
"Penny needs to have a bath and so does your child," said Sally, getting back into the routine. "The bathroom is two doors down, so I'll get that going. While it is running, I'll show you how to bathe your little one. Now, Ian, your wife and child would probably like a little rest, so why don't you go home and have a rest yourself?"
"But what if something happens? Shouldn't I stay, just in case?" panicked Ian.
"Nothing is going to happen. Your baby has just had a thorough check-up, even more thorough than most babies get. When you've had a sleep, come back and see your wife and child. They will probably be on the main ward then."
"Will you still be with us?"
"Probably not," said Sally. "This week I'm delivering babies. I won't be on the ward till next week."
Even though Ian had been up nearly twenty-four hours, his mind was too busy to be tired. However, this didn't help his concentration and he struggled to drive the six miles home. Once inside the privacy of home, he sat down and wept. All any parent wants is a perfect and healthy baby. His might have been healthy, but was it perfect? He'd been ordered to have some sleep, but there was so much to do and to think about. He stared at the list of relatives he had to ring and panicked slightly, not knowing what to say.
"Hi Gwen," he said, having dialled the first number.
"So was it a boy or a girl?" she asked, getting excited.
"Er, yes."
"Come on Ian, stop messing around."
"I'm not," sighed Ian. Penny's mother was quite old-fashioned and he didn't know how to tell her. "The doctors don't know if our baby is a boy or girl. They are going to have to run some tests."
"But apart from that, is the baby healthy?"
"Yes," said Ian curiously.
"Then there's nothing really much to panic about, is there. The doctors will perform the tests and help you decide what you can do now or later. Can I come down and see all three of you?"
Ian just sat there, the phone held against his ear, not knowing what to think. Gwen, the person he thought wouldn't understand, was just acting as if it was an everyday thing.
"Ian? Are you there?"
"Oh sorry, I'm just in a bit of shock."
"You didn't think I would understand, did you?"
"No, sorry, I didn't."
"Never judge a book by its cover."
"But what nappies should I get, girls or boys?" he blurted out.
"I think they are unisex at the newborn size," she laughed. "I'll be down in about six hours. How many relatives do you have to ring?"
"You were the first I've rung."
"Okay, well don't spend too long doing it. Once you've finished go and have a sleep. You need to be there for Penny. Oh, on second thoughts, you sound exhausted, so why don't I ring Joseph and Isabel and explain things to them. You just ring my side of the family. Knowing your mother, it will be a bit of a shock."
'My side of the family' just meant Penny's older sister, Hannah.
"Hi Hannah," started Ian.
"Did she have it?" said Hannah excitedly.
"Yes."
"Was it a boy or a girl? What weight? What colour eyes? What time? What name have you chosen?"
Ian couldn't help himself, but laughed out loud. Hannah was always one to be carried away.
"Okay, the answers are, unknown, eight pounds two, hazel eyes, twelve minutes past seven and unknown."
"Wow, that isn't a bad size, is it? And Hazel eyes, just like you. Is it okay if I visit? I promise not to get in the way of any of the tests."
"Hannah Louise Hopkins, what is going on?" demanded Ian, getting his wits about him. "First your mum acts like nothing is happening, and now you. What do you know that I don't?"
"Is the baby healthy?" asked Hannah.
"Yes."
"And is Penny okay?"
"Yes."
"Then what is there to worry about. Just be thankful that mother and baby are doing well. The rest will sort itself out eventually."
"Eventually?"
"Well what happens if the tests are inconclusive. Will you raise the child as a boy or a girl, or will you leave things as they are and let the child decided when they are old enough."
"It might take that long?"
"As long as your child is safe and healthy, should it matter what is hidden under your child's clothes?"
"I suppose not."
"Then I will see you later. Get to bed."
"Yes Mum!" Ian said, to which his sister-in-law blew a raspberry back.
Surprisingly, sleep overtook Ian rather quickly. He had a lot of worries on his mind but his exhaustion after being awake all night, mixed with the stress of the birth, was a more important factor.
"Hey sleepyhead," said the voice of his sister-in-law at his bedroom door. Since Hannah only lived a few miles away, she had a spare key.
"Let me sleep," Ian groaned.
"You've had about five hours. If you sleep much more, you'll miss the visiting hours."
"Okay, okay, I'll get up. Now get out of here and let me have some privacy."
When Ian came down, Hannah had toast and coffee waiting for him. She also had the look of someone who was about to burst with happiness.
"You seem happy," Ian commented as he took a bite of the toast.
"A baby is such a wonderful thing. The joy and miracle of new life. Now eat up, and let's go see that child of yours."
"Hannah, what's —"
"Later," she said interrupting Ian. "It isn't important now. The longer we talk now, the less time with Penny and Baby."
Once through the security doors and into the post-natal ward they both hurried to find Penny. She was in a small ward of six beds. Only two others were occupied and they were busy with their recent arrivals.
"Oh Penny, what a lovely baby," gushed Hannah, which made Penny's face light up. "Oh you are a clever girl, making such a gorgeous baby."
"You think so?" asked a blushing Penny, gently rocking her sleeping child. "Would you like to have a hold?"
"Oh could I? You don't mind?"
Penny passed her baby across and Hannah cradled it, just as she'd done with her own children, fifteen and sixteen years ago.
"Your mum said she would be here soon," Ian said, updating his wife, while Hannah cooed at their child.
"What did she say about us not being able to tell her the sex?"
"The same really as Hannah, it was very strange. It was like it was an everyday thing, people giving birth to girls, boys, and unknowns."
"Did the hospital bat an eyelid at it?" queried Hannah.
"No, I suppose they didn't," replied Ian. Penny couldn't really remember the birth. It was like a dream. "I suppose they will have had it happen before."
"What about your mum?" asked Penny, worried what she would have said.
"Your mum said she would tell her. I was too exhausted to argue. Talk of the devil."
"Ah, they you all are." Gwendolyn, Penny's mother, breezed in with a huge bouquet of flowers. "How are you doing, Penny? Still tired?"
"I'm recovering. The little one slept quite well, so I've been able to get some rest. How did Ian's Mum take the news?"
"She was fine. She said she would try and visit tomorrow night."
Ian reached across and gave his wife a hug. They both knew that Ian's parents were delaying visiting as they only lived ten minutes away. She patted Ian, letting him know things would be fine. Gwen handed her grandchild to Ian, the first chance he'd had all evening to hold and admire his offspring.
"Is there any news about the tests?" Ian asked after debating whether to do so. So far in the visit, the problems had not really been discussed, though it was painfully obvious to Ian and Penny how difficult it was to talk without referring to gender.
"Yes, we are going down at eleven for an ultrasound. They are reluctant to do an MRI on a child so young. They will see what other information they can gather first before even thinking about an MRI."
The visit was ended too soon. One of the nurses came round and reminded people gently of the visiting hours.
"I'll see you tomorrow," said Ian, giving his child back to his wife, and giving both of them a kiss.
When the three visitors were outside, Ian kindly asked Gwen and Hannah back to his house.
"It's getting late," said Hannah, "and you know Mum is staying with me."
"It sounds as if you two know far more about this medical condition than a layperson should. I want to know what's going on. If you'd rather not come to my house, I could always go to Hannah's. Perhaps George would like to join in as well."
"I think a small diversion to Ian's house is called for," said Hannah dryly. "As you probably guessed, my husband doesn't know about this."
The journey was a tense one. Hannah and her mother kept glancing at each other. Both seemed very nervous, and it was plainly obvious that neither of them was looking forward to the conversation that was about to take place.
Ian wasn't unaffected either. His mind was on his child. What would the ultrasound show? Did he have a son, or a daughter? Why did this type of thing have to happen to them?
"Does anybody want a drink?" Ian asked as they walked into the house.
"Bacardi and coke," Hannah muttered.
'This must be bad,' thought Ian. 'Hannah very rarely drinks.'
"Same for me, and don't go easy on the Bacardi," added Gwen.
Ian didn't waste time with the drinks. He noticed his mother-in-law wasn't doing too well and he hoped the drink would help. At one point he thought about just telling them to go home, as it appeared too stressful, especially for Gwen, but he knew deep down that if they didn't have this conversation now, it would just have to happen sometime later.
"There you go," said Ian putting the drinks on little coasters and settling down on one of the seats. Hannah was sitting next to her mother, trying to comfort her.
After a long pause, Ian realised that nobody was going to say anything, so he decided to speak, "Look, you know I'm not going to rant and rave about things. I just want to know what's going on. I'm very worried about our baby and you two obviously know a lot more than I do."
"I had a baby born with a similar condition," Gwen started in a shaky voice.
"Do you want me to tell him?" asked Hannah.
"NO!" almost shouted Gwen. "I should do it. I should have mentioned it to Penny years ago, but I could never bring myself to do it."
"You Hannah?" Ian asked puzzled.
"No and not Penny either," she smiled. "Mum had a baby between having Penny and me."
"She did?" Ian sounded very surprised.
"Things didn't go smoothly, and it was sort of taboo back then. It took a while before we decided to have Penny."
"Since there was nearly twenty years difference between you, I always thought she was an accident," blurted out Ian, and then regretted it.
"Accidents do happen," laughed Gwen. Poor Ian had gone bright red with embarrassment and was wishing the settee would swallow him. "However, Penny wasn't an accident. We had Hannah very young and after the trauma we went through with our next child, it was hard to try again."
"What happened?"
"We had a baby with 'ambiguous genitalia'. The doctors tried to fix things, but they didn't really have the skills and technology they do now."
"Oh?"
"The baby died four hours later in the operating room. I never got to hold our child, to feed our child, or even say hello. Our baby was taken directly after the birth by the doctors, with the promise they would fix everything. We were advised that it would be too traumatic to see the child later and it would be best if we just told everyone it was a still birth."
Gwen threw back her glass and gulped the remainder of her drink. "I'll be back in a few minutes," she said clearly upset.
"Are you going to be okay, Mum?" asked Hannah, giving Ian a dirty look.
"I'll be back in a few minutes," reiterated Gwen, shaking Hannah's arms away. She got up and headed towards the bathroom.
"I'm sorry," Ian said, feeling bad. "How should I have known about this? You didn't tell Penny, and therefore, she couldn't have told me."
"I suppose I didn't, did I," apologised Hannah. "Well, at least you know now. It has been a topic that has been close to Mum's heart for a long time. Did you know she is part of a support team for parents with intersexed children?"
"Is there such a thing?"
"There sure is. Founded by Gwendolyn Hopkins."
"But if she talks about this with others, why is she so upset now?"
"Because you are family. She was so ashamed that she wasn't able to save her own child. However, you needed to know about this, as you are the parent of an intersexed child and you need to know what can be done."
"Won't the doctors tell us?"
"They might tell you some things, if you are lucky. Things are better than they were, but they aren't perfect. At least your child wasn't whisked away and butchered."
"Does that still happen?"
"Not in the UK, or so we believe, but it does in some other countries."
"We?"
"Mum can't do everything herself. She is getting older now."
"Less of that young girl," said Gwen, coming into the room.
"So what can be done for our child?" asked Ian, getting back to his child.
"Everything or nothing," replied Gwen. "It depends what the status of your child's organs are. The doctors are doing what they now do. When they get the results, they will discuss things with you. Generally, there shouldn't be any rush to fix things. Your child is very small, and generally things can wait."
"But what will people say?"
"Ian, did your mum bring you up to be selfish? I don't think so!" Gwen chastised. "Your child has a medical condition. Put your child first, for goodness sake."
"Yes Gwen," said Ian, hanging his head slightly.
"Listen to what the doctor says and don't rush to any decision. Once the surgeons start removing things, there is generally no going back. Sometimes it is important to act quickly, for instance, in one child there was a half formed organ that was filling with urine. The surgeons repaired the urinary tract, but on the parents request didn't remove anything else. That child had some female reproductive organs and some male ones. They waited to see how the child felt when they were older and then the surgeons removed the other parts."
"Did they have to?"
"In some cases yes, but in some no. As long as things aren't causing issues, why go through the danger of surgery?"
"There was another case where they found testicles not in the right place. If the doctors hadn't operated, they would have become useless. The doctors intervened and the child was able to get a normal supply of testosterone and not need injections. So sometimes, early intervention can be important."
"Was the child fertile?"
"This was a few years ago, and we don't know yet."
"Why shouldn't we decide the sex of our child now?"
"What if you get it wrong?" replied Hannah. "What if you decide your baby should be a girl and when she is older she tells you she wants to be a boy. How would you feel then?"
"Oh, I hadn't thought of that."
"Not many parents do and even less doctors tell them it's an option. Being a third sex isn't a choice for some doctors."
"Don't parents have a say?"
"Oh sure, but most parents just get the choice of male or female. Very rarely do they give the option of staying as is."
"Well tomorrow is the start of the tests. Thanks for telling me all this," said Ian warmly. "It mustn't have been easy for you."
"Well go and get a good night sleep, you have a long day tomorrow," Gwen replied, not acknowledging the amount of pain the memories still gave.
The next morning, a bleary-eyed father walked with trepidation into the hospital. He hadn't slept well, trying to make sense of what Penny's mother and sister had told him. Oh how he wished they were here with him, to help him make the right choices, but they had both refused, telling him he was a grown man. They did promise to be there if the doctors started to become difficult.
"I'm Ian Young, here to see Penny Young," announced Ian into the intercom. There were horror stories about people abducting newborn children, so he was so grateful for the slight inconvenience of having to be let in.
"Pull the door," the crackled response replied.
As he walked down the corridor, his attitude changed. He was here for his wife and child. The thought of Gwen having her baby taken away still echoed in his mind. Penny hadn't been told, so it was up to him to make sure that everything went well.
When Ian went into the small ward, his wife was there breastfeeding. He stopped and watched the wonderful natural sight of mother and baby. His eyes filled slightly with moisture, which he blinked out before anybody noticed.
"Hi Darling," Ian said, reaching across and giving his wife a kiss on her cheek. "How did it go last night?"
"I got disturbed several times. We certainly have a greedy baby."
"Several?"
"Well two or three."
They sat and chatted about things, while their baby fed. When finished, Ian took the baby and placed it in the cot, fast asleep.
"Oh, you didn't have to cover yourself up that quickly," said Ian, putting on a wicked grin.
"None of that," giggled Penny. "These are for Baby."
"Spoil sport."
"Too right I am," she smiled, and when she was sure nobody else in the room was looking, gave him a flash of one of her engorged breasts.
"You tease," laughed Ian, giving his wife a kiss. "Isn't our baby wonderful?"
"Well Baby isn't doing much other than sleep, cry, and eat at the moment, though there was a bit of time just after you'd gone when it was just sheer heaven. Baby just lay in my arms peacefully, which I'm told is rare at this age.
"Any more news on the tests?"
"A nurse took some blood this morning. It wasn't easy, as the veins are so small. They said this was for a whole series of tests. The only one I can remember was a chromosome test. In about thirty minutes we will be taken down for the ultrasound."
"I hope the results of these tests don't take too long," sighed Ian. "I just want you both to come home and we can get on with being a family."
"Be patient," said Penny calmly. "I want it too, but let's see how today's test goes, okay?"
"Okay."
At the allotted time, a nurse appeared with a large pram. "One special transport for a special baby," announced the nurse.
"I thought we were only going for an ultrasound?" said Penny, puzzled at why a pram was needed.
"You weren't planning on just carrying your child, were you?" said the nurse in a horrified voice. "What if you had fallen or something? Using the pram keeps your baby safe. By the way, I'm June, the nurse who will accompany you today."
"Accompany us?" asked Ian.
"Well you haven't been discharged from the ward yet, so we like to make sure that there is a nurse, just in case anything happens to either Penny or her child."
"What if something happens to me?" asked Ian, facetiously.
"Then I come to your rescue as well," laughed June. "Now shall we get going? Ultrasound is at the other side of the hospital complex."
Ultrasound wasn't just at the other side of the hospital; it was in a different building. Instead of going outside, June went down into the basement and took them via a passage used by the hospital staff. As they waited in the ultrasound reception, the newborn child became the centre of attention. Other women cooed at the sleeping baby, and other children came up to have a peep. Ian and Penny felt so proud of their child that thoughts of its ailment vanished temporarily from their minds.
"Mr and Mrs Young?" said a nurse, who'd just come into the waiting area.
"Yes," said Ian and Penny together.
"It's a bit small in the room, so leave the pram outside the room," the nurse requested, as Ian and Penny stood up. June followed the troop into the room.
"What a well behaved baby," said the nurse as the parents laid their child onto the bed. "If only all the little ones we see would sleep through it."
"I'm Duncan," said a tall man in his early forties. He was sitting by the machine and looked like he knew what he was doing. His wide smile immediately put Ian and Penny at ease. "Please will one of you remove your baby's baby-grow and nappy, as I will need to get quite low."
"What happens if our baby, er, goes to the toilet?" Penny asked as she removed the nappy. She did it gently as not to wake her child.
"Then I have to clean it up afterwards," said Duncan.
"You?" asked his nurse in a surprised voice.
"Well, us then," he laughed. "Don't worry, the bed has an absorbent layer under the paper. We put it down whenever we have a baby visiting us. I'm going to put some gel on your baby's lower tummy and look inside. If you have any questions, just ask as we go along."
This baby didn't like having cold gel squirted on its stomach. It woke and started crying.
"It's okay, it's okay," repeated Penny, stroking her baby's head. "Mummy is here."
It helped a little, but the child still refused to lie still and began squirming and thrashing around before urinating.
Penny picked up her baby while a new paper sheet was laid down over a new absorbent mat. Penny's cuddling caused her baby to calm down and after a few minutes the baby drifted off to sleep.
"Let's hope your baby stays asleep," grinned Duncan, not having batted an eyelid at the activities that just occurred.
Neither Duncan, nor the two nurses, made any comment about the ambiguous genitalia. Duncan explained what he was looking at as he probed at various different areas.
"Is our child and boy or a girl?" Penny asked, as Duncan finished.
"I'm not the best person to ask," Duncan replied. "There appears to be a little of both. There's something that might be testes in the wrong place, but the ultrasound isn't clear enough to see."
"So what now?" sighed Penny.
"Well, I need to send these photos off to Dr Copland. He will look at them and will probably chat with you this afternoon."
"Don't stress about it," said Ian calmly as they pushed their child back towards the ward. He was a bit disappointed that the ultrasound hadn't shown anything conclusive, but he didn't want Penny to see that.
"How can you say that?" fumed Penny.
"Because we appear to have a healthy child, who is a wonderful baby. We want to make sure we get all the details before we even start to go forward."
"You sound just like you are at work. Know the full details of the problem and then you can work out an accurate fix."
"See? Being a computer nerd has its advantages."
"I think you two are great," said June. "Most parents would be going nuts about the situation."
"How would that help? I think I read that a stressed parent leads to a stressed baby," replied Ian.
"Ian, you did read some parenting books," said Penny, looking at her husband with utmost love.
"And there I was thinking I'd got away with it. Damn."
At just past three that afternoon, Dr Copland appeared. "Hello, hello, and a little hello to the little one," he said giving a big grin for the child.
"Hi," said Penny. "You don't mind if I continue to feed our greedy baby, do you?"
"Carry on. It's great to see that everything else seems to be going well. I heard from ultrasound that urination is going well, too."
"That was so embarrassing," said Ian, turning slightly red at the memory.
"All part of nature. Is now okay to discuss things, or would you rather I came back when you'd finished feeding?"
"Now is as good as any," said Penny.
"Great, well we have had some of the blood results, but not the important ones. So far, you seem to have a very healthy child. I've looked at the ultrasound results and some of the pictures are a bit unclear to what things are. We have two choices, depending on how you both feel. We could arrange for an MRI, or we could send you to Oxford, where they have a much more powerful ultrasound scanner."
"I'm still bleeding quite heavily, but I'm told it is no worse than any mother who has just given birth should expect. Which will be best for the baby?"
"Did you need stitches, after giving birth?"
"No.
"I'll get one of the doctors on this ward to check you over, and if all is well, I'll get an appointment in Oxford."
"When will it be?"
"Probably sometime tomorrow. They are pretty good at fitting in requests like this. I'll provisionally book it now, and confirm when you have been checked."
The ward doctor checked Penny later that day, and did a final check on her baby.
"You are both well enough to go home," he smiled and produced an appointment card. "You have an appointment tomorrow, at eleven, at the John Radcliffe hospital in Oxford. Then an outpatient appointment with Dr Copland on Friday, at nine."
"It looks like I might be sleeping away from hospital, but my days look like they will still continue in them."
"I'm sure everything will be sorted soon enough. The surgeons are very good and nobody will ever know. All you have to do is say what sex you want for your child, and we will sort it."
"There isn't any rush," interrupted Ian.
"Oh, but it is best that the child doesn't know about it. It would be best to sort it very soon."
"But what if you get it wrong?" asked Ian.
"There isn't much chance of that. If you bring your child up properly then that will be that. If we make your child a boy, he will be bought up as a boy and he won't know anything different. The same if you choose a girl."
"Wow, that was sort of creepy," said Penny, as the doctor disappeared. "I think if he could have operated now, he would of."
"All I want is what's best for Baby. If that means waiting till we fully understand, then we wait," said Ian firmly. "I'm not having our child's future being rushed."
"Amen," said Penny. "Did you know Mum once had a child like this? Dad told me when I found I was pregnant, but swore me to secrecy. He thought it was wise I knew, but didn't want to upset Mum."
"Gwen told me on Tuesday night," confessed Ian, glad not to have to tell his wife.
Bringing the child home was just like any other parent bringing their child home. The parents suddenly realised how unprepared they were. They had all the essentials, like nappies and the cot, but Ian wasn't prepared for the sudden cry from his child at two in the morning.
"It's just baby letting us know its food time," laughed Penny at Ian's shocked face. "You will be driving later, so go back to sleep."
"Is there anything I can do?" asked Ian, now too awake to think about sleep.
"Pass me Baby? I need to rearrange my pillows."
"Oh sure," said Ian, hopping out of bed.
He scooped up and tried to comfort Baby, but his child had a one-track mind; food. Once ready, Ian passed Baby to Penny and went back to bed, while Penny read and their baby fed.
Oxford, one of the major university cities in England, was also a regional hospital centre. If there was an issue that the local hospital couldn't deal with, the issue was passed onto a larger hospital, where they had more specialists. It also had more specialised equipment, which would be too expensive to put into local hospitals.
"Has your child ever had an ultrasound before?" asked the nurse, as she took them to the room where the ultrasound would take place.
"Yesterday," replied Ian. "It won't cause our child problems having an ultrasound two days running, will it?"
"No, it isn't like x-rays," reassured the nurse. "I just wanted to know if you knew what to expect."
The machine was nothing like either Ian or Penny expected. It must have been at least ten times larger than the one that had been used yesterday.
"Wow, that is some machine," said Penny, her engineering mind becoming excited.
"It sure is," said a young lady, who was sat by its controls. "By the way, my name is Sandy, and I will be making sure we scan everything we need to. Now the referral said your child has possible Reifenstein syndrome and we need to check the internal reproductive organs. Is that what you understand?"
"We've never been told a medical name for our baby's issue," said Ian. "We were just told our baby had ambiguous genitals."
"Well let's get started then. Lay your baby on the bed and we'll see what is happening inside."
"Do you have any warm gel," asked Penny, still holding her baby. "It caused our little one to get upset yesterday."
"Peed all over the bed?" asked Sandy.
"Yes."
"Then it's a good job we have some nice warm gel that should be at body temperature. We have the good stuff here," she said with a smile and apparent pride.
All went smoothly with the gel, and the pictures of the organs where coming up a lot clearer on the monitor. Organs which were only as big as a fingernail were showing in great detail on the twenty inch screen. Sandy would occasionally say something to her nurse and she would check it off on her clipboard. They weren't only what organs were there, but making sure that the organs were structured correctly.
"Can you tell us anything?" asked Ian, as Penny put a clean nappy on Baby.
"Not much that you don't already know," replied Sandy. "I'm an expert with this machine and how to identify structures in the body. These results will go back to an expert who understands the impact of what we've found."
"Which was?"
"A slight mixture of male and female organs, some of which are more complete than others. What that means for things like fertility, is beyond my area. When are you seeing the specialist next?"
"Tomorrow morning at nine."
"Then I better get this data to them straight away."
Ian and Penny drove home, their baby safely in the car seat behind. It wasn't far out of Oxford when Baby decided it was time for food. This was another first for them both, as there was no way they could continue with an upset child.
"What do we do?" Ian asked Penny, as they pulled into a roadside eatery.
"What do you think? I feed Baby here."
"But this is the middle of a car park."
"Yes, so go to the far end where it is quieter. I'll get in the back and feed. When Baby is to my breast, nobody will see anything."
"Okay, if you're sure."
Penny had always been the quiet shy type, who had never been one to show too much body, so Ian was quite surprised at the way she undid the top of her blouse and unhooked one of the cups on her nursing bra. Baby was soon having a great time. It has been said that breast milk has the taste of what the mother had recently eaten. Baby must have been having a nice Spaghetti Bolognaise.
"I don't know how you did that," said Ian, as Penny burped Baby.
"Baby wouldn't wait till we got home," sighed Penny. "It just seemed so natural to feed our baby when needed. Baby needed, so I fed. And no, it doesn't mean I will wear skimpier clothes."
Ian just had to laugh, as that has been his exact thoughts.
After a happy family evening and disturbed night, they were back at hospital. It was difficult to get anything done, such as bond as a family, which was the main reason Ian had taken two weeks off work.
"Hello again," said Dr Copland, as he ushered them into his office. Well it wasn't his office, that was on the second floor, this was an outpatient office.
"Any joy with yesterday?" asked Ian, getting straight down to business.
"Well actually yes, we had some wonderful scans back and we have a little bit more of an idea with the material we are dealing with. We also got the blood work back. I've never known it to happen so quickly."
"And?" said Ian impatiently.
"Sorry, the blood work shows your child has XY sex chromosomes, which are those of a male. However, there seems to be some confusion with the internal organs as there are some female ones as well as male ones."
"I think we'd gathered that bit," said Penny dryly.
"Has Baby got enough reproductive organs to produce a child?" asked Ian, getting to the question he'd had in his mind.
"Possibly, but we aren't sure. This is a very hard area to give a complete answer. The testes are in the wrong place and there doesn't appear to be any ovaries."
"If the testes were positioned correctly, would Baby then be fertile?"
Dr Copland sighed and chewed on the end of his pen. "We don't know. We hope so, but it's very rare. It looks like your child has Reifenstein syndrome. The baby got confused messages while in the womb. This can also be an inherited syndrome."
"My parents had an intersex child," said Penny. "So I wonder if I inherited a gene or something."
"It is very probable. Would your brother or sister be able to come in to compare the symptoms? See if they both have Reifenstein syndrome."
"Unfortunately my sibling died aged four hours, as the surgeons tried to save my parents from seeing what the surgeons described as a freak. They never got chance to see their child, to hold their child or even feed him. My sibling was taken straight from the birth to the operating theatre. We have no idea if it was a boy or a girl. They wouldn't even let my parents see the child afterwards."
"Oh," said Dr Copland, stopping taking notes. "That sounds like something of the past. Our surgical techniques are much better these days."
"Are you saying you would like to operate on baby straight away?" asked Penny, sounding very surprised.
"We could remove the female parts, remove the stray skin round the scrotum, and bring down the testes."
"And when would you propose to do this?" asked Penny, starting to sound rather peeved.
"We could operate on Monday morning."
"You haven't even asked if we wanted to make our child a girl or a boy," said Ian. "You have just taken over and made assumptions."
"Would you like your child to be made a girl then?" asked Dr Copland.
"Why the rush to surgery?" asked Penny.
"Well it is best to get it out of the way. You then can get on with your lives."
"Isn't it harder to operate on such a small child?"
"A little, but it would give you all a much higher quality of life."
"Dr Copland, I take it you have dealt with intersex cases before?"
"Yes, I'm very knowledgeable on the subject."
"Excellent. Have you ever heard of Gwendolyn Hopkins?" asked Ian sitting back to admire the suspected change of attitude. He wasn't surprised.
"Yes, though I haven't found her to be a very reliable woman," bristled Dr Copland, his face turning from absolute confidence to fury. "I wouldn't put any faith in her."
"That is my mother you are talking about," snapped Penny, adding to the pressure on the doctor. "It was her baby that surgeons butchered and rushed into operating on. Now YOU want to do the same. Times really haven't changed that much, have they?"
"Oh," said Dr Copland, not knowing what to say. "Er, shall we have a break for a few minutes while I just go to the toilet."
"I think that sounds a great idea," fumed Penny. "Why don't you make the break a bit longer and ask your boss to join us for this meeting. I don't like your attitude on immediate surgery and potentially butchering my baby like what happened with my sibling."
Ian, Penny, and Baby moved out of the room and went back to the waiting area, leaving a stunned doctor in their wake.
"Calm down a bit," Ian said to his wife. "I'm in full agreement with you."
"You are?"
"The only surgery I would agree to, is repositioning the testes, so to give our child a chance to be a fertile male. If the female parts aren't causing any issues, then why should they be removed? It gives our child a chance to make their own choice when they are older."
"Yes, but should they operate now?"
"I don't think so, but we need to find out how long the testes can stay where they are without causing issues. Baby is far too young to have an operation."
With an agreement between them of what they wanted, they cuddled together and waited for the doctor to reappear. So far, Baby had been good. The feed before the meeting had done the trick, but Penny worried that if the meeting dragged on too long baby would need a feed soon.
Ten minutes later, Dr Copland appeared with another person and everyone was ushered back into the now cramped office.
"I'd like to know why you verbally assaulted a member of my staff," demanded the unnamed man.
"And you are?" asked Ian
"I'm Julian Hodges, senior paediatric consultant in this hospital."
"I'm not aware that we verbally assaulted your junior doctor," said Ian, causing Dr Copland to wince at being verbally demoted. "We just told him that we didn't want HIM operating on OUR child on Monday. He rushed to a judgment without proper consultation."
"I see. Let me review the notes on your child and let's see what the situation is."
There was silence as the file was carefully studied. Well, silence until Baby decided that it was time for food.
"Do you object to me breastfeeding Baby here?"
"You've called your child Baby?" inquired Julian.
"Well until everything is decided, we can't choose a name."
"Very true, and I have no objection. Breastfeeding is very natural and should be done wherever you and your child are comfortable. That chair looks a bit small. Why don't you have mine, it should be a bit easier."
"Thank you," said Penny gratefully, accepting Julian's chair.
When Julian had eventually finished studying the file, he turned and faced the family. "There is the name Gwen Hopkins at the end of the file. Is she advising you?"
"She is my mother," said Penny.
"Ah," Julian said and turned to Dr Copland. "Did you say things against Mrs Hopkins?"
"Ah, well, I wasn't aware she was related."
"Prior to the meeting you'd put in the file a note for surgery on Monday to remove female organs, bring down the testes, and cosmetically masculinise the outer genitalia. Did you discuss this with Mr and Mrs Young prior to organising that surgery?"
"I thought it was the best cause of action and that the parents would agree."
"Did they?"
"I'm sure they would have done, if it wasn't for Mrs Hopkins."
"I think it would be wise if you left this meeting and wait for me in my office."
"Yes, sir," said Dr Copland. Slowly rising, he left the room without any word to the parents.
"I'm sorry about that. Now, were you advised about the condition and what could be done?"
"We were told it was some syndrome, I forget the name, and that Baby has XY chromosomes, so genetically is a boy."
"So far so good. From the ultrasound, the testes are intact, but not in the right place. The tubes in the scrotal sac might not have developed fully to provide an outlet for sperm. It is difficult to tell from either scans and will probably need to be investigated at some stage. There are some female organs; some are more complete than others are. As you have noticed, the outer structure isn't quite right for either male or female and urine doesn't pass through the penis. Lastly, your child has some insensitivity to androgens, which is one of the reasons why there is a mixture of organs."
"That is quite comprehensive, but what do you mean by being insensitive to androgens?" said Ian.
"It is where the body doesn't fully respond to androgens and therefore doesn't create testosterone. There are two similar syndromes, Complete Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome and Partial Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome. In those cases, the outer genitalia would look female and it wouldn't have been questioned at birth. With Reifenstein Syndrome, it is obvious there is something wrong."
"Oh."
"It can be a bit confusing, so I will put everything in a letter. That way you have a complete breakdown. Now, what can be done is quite varied. What outcome are you looking for?"
"It would be nice if Baby could be fertile. Is the only way to be male?"
"Yes, the scan doesn't reveal any ovaries. Since the body might not react to the androgens, there have been trials where the child gets injections to help increase fertility. Those injections wouldn't need to start till they were round puberty."
"Would it be possible to get the testes sorted without removing any of the female organs? Let our child make the choice when older?"
"We could do that. Historically, doctors would attempt to make the child female as it is an easier operation, and there wasn't any worry about the androgen issue. However, there were a very high percentage of those that were converted to female that felt they should have been male. Surgeons now opt for the male method, just as Dr Copland suggested. If you opt to wait, how will other children react when they do PE at school and accidentally see the unique structure?"
"Surgery to fix that can occur at a later time, can't it? It could be done when they are four or something?"
"Yes. Just remember that if things are left as they are, there is a strong possibility that when your child hits puberty, they might start growing breasts."
"When would the testes need to be done?"
"You probably could wait a bit. I wouldn't recommend going past eighteen to twenty-four months."
"Can the following be done?" asked Penny. "Sort out the testes in eighteen months, and leave everything else where it is. Then at a later stage, the outer regions can be sorted and roundabout the age of thirteen, they decide if they want to be male or female."
"Sure," nodded Julian, taking copious notes.
"Fine, then in the meantime we will bring up our child in as gender neutral way as possible, but for legal items, we will be raising a male called Brian Young."
"Mr and Mrs Young, I will arrange an appointment for Brian in eighteen months. In the meantime, I wish you the best in raising your child. Boy, girl, both or neither, I think you will be wonderful parents. I've never seen someone so concerned for getting things right."
Julian rose, and left Brian in the capable hands of his loving parents.
The Pain Inside
by Karen Page
The best planned transition is never over while unknown conditions lie in wait.
The pain was getting worse. Much worse. I went to the toilet for the umpteenth time to relieve the pain. I couldn't stand it anymore, and made an appointment with my GP. This was going to be so embarrassing.
"So what can I do for you?" my GP asked the following morning.
"I'm in a lot of pain down below."
"Okay Amy, can you take of your skirt and knickers, and hop onto the bed."
I'd been insistent that I saw my standard GP as she knew I was a pre-op transsexual. However, it was still embarrassing that I had issues with my manhood. I did as she said and she came across.
"Sorry, I know you don't like looking down there, but I'm going to have to feel. Are you okay with that?"
I'd been hoping she'd just take a look and give me some antibiotics. I was starting to wish I'd never made the appointment. I'm sure it would have got better.
She eventually finished and when I finished getting dressed joined her back at her desk.
"Amy, do you do breast self checks?"
"Yes."
"How often?"
"About once a month."
"Good. How often do you self check your testis?"
"I don't."
"You should do them like you do your breasts. How long have you had the swelling and pain?"
"A few days, but I thought it was the tight panties, or that I wasn't pushing the testis up inside me properly."
"I'm sorry, but you probably should have come earlier. You have a lump, which doesn't allow a light through, so is some sort of mass. I'm going to make an appointment for you to see a specialist at the hospital."
"When?" I asked, in shocked.
"If you wait in reception, I will see what I can do."
I was almost a zombie as I went to the waiting room. Did I have Cancer? Was I going to die? I didn't want to die, not now. I couldn't die until I was fully me. I couldn't die with this manhood still between my legs. It had always felt wrong, and it was probably killing me.
"Amy? Amy?"
I looked up, and looked at the receptionist through bleary eyes. "Yes," I uttered.
"Doctor Singh is ready to see you."
I went back in. "You've got an appointment to see a consultant in two days. This letter has all the details in. I hope you don't mind, but I rang Chloe to come and pick you up. I don't think you are fit to drive."
"Thanks," I mumbled. I couldn't believe I'd got an appointment in two days. Normally appointments at the hospital took weeks, if not months. Two days? I really hope I'm not going to die.
* * *
Chloe was a godsend. She'd stood by me when I revealed that I was transgendered and hadn't left my side since she'd got to the doctors to pick me up. She was the one who phoned the office and told them I was ill. Now she was with me at the hospital, waiting next to me for an ultrasound.
"Amy Tomlinson," a nurse called.
"Come with me," I demanded, grabbing Chloe's hand and dragging her up.
"I was," she responded, following me into the room indicated by the nurse. Once we were inside, the nurse closed the door.
"Which one of you is Amy?" the radiographer asked.
"I am," I said, raising my hand slightly.
"Okay, but I think we have some sort of mistake. I have been asked to perform a genital scan for testicular cancer. I checked with the consultant, who said it was correct."
"I'm a pre-op transsexual," I sighed. I hated people knowing.
"I see. I know this is going to be very embarrassing, but I'm going to need you to take of your skirt and panties."
I did as asked, and Chloe took them from me, as I lay down and braced myself. Chloe must have seen how tense I was, and came across and held my hand. I tried to see the pictures that were on the screen, but they kept changing and the image meant very little to me.
"Okay, all done. Here are some tissues for you to remove the excess gel."
I cleaned up and quickly dressed. It could have been a lot more embarrassing than it was. The technician just got on with the scans and it seemed to make no odds that I was transgendered.
I turned to ask the results, but the operator had disappeared through a side door, and it was just the nurse.
"Do you know the results?" I asked.
"Sorry, no. The radiographer has gone to do another scan in a different room. I believe you've got an out-patient appointment later with a consultant."
"Yes."
"Okay, the results are sent electronically, so should be there for your appointment."
"Come on love," said Chloe. "Let's go and get a cuppa, while we wait for your next appointment."
I felt gutted that I'd had an early warning of the results. Was it a sign that the results were bad and they didn't want to give me the bad news?
The WRVS* café sold the traditional drinks, cakes and sandwiches. I didn't really feel like anything, but took the cup of tea that Chloe passed to me. I didn't know what to say, and it seemed that Chloe didn't either. We had our drinks in silence, and I worried about what the consultant would say.
"I'm Amy Tomlinson," I said announcing myself at the outpatient reception. "I have an eleven o'clock appointment with Dr Dougall."
The receptionist was a bit puzzled, but checked her list. "Oh, so you do. If you take a seat in area C."
We wandered down the corridor and eventually found area C. Not surprisingly, it was full of men, either on their own, or with their partner. I got some strange looks when we joined them.
The man who was sitting next to me eventually leaned across. "I think you are in the wrong waiting area."
"I wish I was," I responded.
It was a painful wait. Some that went in came out with obvious relief on their faces. Others came out in floods of tears. I tried to guess which would be which, but always seemed to be wrong. I jumped a bit when I was called. It was like the whole room looked up, when it was confirmed that I was supposed to be there. I'd been half worried that they was going to use my male name, just to fit in, but that had long since been assigned to the archives.
I held my head high and walked slowly to the consulting room, with Chloe holding my hand. Sod what they think.
"Please have a seat," said Dr Dougall. "Which one of you is Amy?"
I indicated that I was, and took the seat closest to him. I'm not sure if Chloe got upset that people wondered if she could be a male to female transsexual or if she was pleased that she'd done a good job in helping me when I'd told her.
"The ultrasound has confirmed what your GP suspected, you have a growth attached to your left testicle. We would normally do a blood test to get a secondary confirmation, but due to you being on HRT, that would screw up the results."
"So what now?" Chloe asked. I just sat there, wondering if this would have happened if I'd been able to have my sex-change before now.
"We will remove the testicle, so the cancer doesn't spread. This is a rather straight forward operation."
"An orchiectomy," I muttered.
"Yes, I suppose you would know those type of terms. After that, we would like you to have a single session of chemotherapy. The ultrasound didn't show any spread of the cancer, but we like to be sure."
"Couldn't you just give me a vaginoplasty instead?" I asked hopefully.
"I'm sorry, but that is beyond the skills of this hospital. However, it would be a sure way to know you wouldn't get a relapse in that area. Are you on the waiting list at a UK clinic or abroad?"
"Charing Cross."
"Excellent. I tell you what I'll do. I'm going to write to your surgeon and ask if your surgical date can be brought forward."
I burst into tears. "Thank you," I attempted, but I don't think it came out right.
"I think that was a thank you," said Chloe.
"So do I," laughed Dr Dougall. "Now I've just got the bed manager the tricky situation of sorting you out a bed."
"A bed?" I asked, after pulling myself together.
"Yes, you will be in hospital a few days after your operation. The ward normally only has male patients. I don't think it would be very nice for you to have to be there."
"No." I agreed.
"The ward did have a side room, but it is not currently in use. I'm sure it will soon be back for you. Would you please come into the hospital tomorrow in the late afternoon. I will then operate on you the following morning. You will then spend two further nights in hospital while you recover. We then can talk about your chemo after that."
"Tomorrow?" I asked, very surprised.
"The government have provided a lot extra resource into cancer treatment. I would like to do yours quicker, since we don't have all the information we usually have."
I walked out of the door, not crying, not sad, but glad a way forward was planned. It wasn't until I was in the car that I realised I'd not discussed success rates. However, with talk about not appearing to have spread certainly perked me up.
The hospital stay wasn't nice, and nor was the pain, but I'm told this was nothing compared to the pain I might feel after GRS. The nurses were excellent, and treated me like an honoured guest. I guess they didn't get many women having this type of procedure. After the drains and catheter were removed Mr Dougall came to see me.
"Before the surgery, I spoke with your prospective vaginoplasty surgeon. He advised putting in a prosthesis to replace the removed testicle. This will keep you from losing too much tissue, which will be needed for your vaginoplasty. As to your surgery date, he agreed to move it forward, but cautioned that you need to be over your chemo first. Your body will have enough trauma to deal with following that operation and he doesn't want the complication of it just getting over your chemo."
That made sense, but I was slightly disappointed that it wasn't next week. However, it was better than waiting another six months.
Epilogue
Following my cycle of chemotherapy I went back and had another ultrasound. I was given the all clear. I felt lucky that it had been caught quickly and that the system had been enhanced so the cancer was removed promptly. I was so grateful to the professionals involved, as nobody kicked up a fuss that I was a female with testicular cancer. They got on with their job of making me better, and for that I was so thankful.
Throughout the entire trauma, Chloe had been with me the whole time. Her work had been just as flexible as mine had. On hearing that I'd got cancer, her company promptly put her on paid leave and told her to be with me.
Since my GRS, testicular cancer is now something I can't get, but both Chloe and I had added a UK cancer charity to our monthly outgoings. Wouldn't it be nice, if others didn't have to go through what I did?
The Trials of Youth
by Karen Page
School can be hard enough, but some children have extra challenges
The Trials of Youth
Chloe slammed her bedroom door shut, which got the expected rebuke. "How could Dad do this to me," she thought as she jumped onto her bed and cried into her pillow.
Justin, her father, wasn't far behind, but instead of shouting, he sat at the edge of her bed and waited for her to speak.
"Why, Dad?" she asked without looking up.
"After mum left, you encouraged me to find someone new."
"I know Dad, but-" Chloe pounded her fist onto her pillow with frustration, "it just seems so wrong."
"It's just a surprise for you; that's all. Why don't you sleep on it and see if you feel better in the morning."
Chloe snorted, which Justin didn't let pass. "Look here, you were brought up to have better manners than that. I know the last nine months hasn't been easy for you, but there is a limit to how lenient I'll be."
Knowing that she'd pushed too hard, Chloe gave a small "sorry". Not once though had she turned round to look at her dad.
"I'm sure it will all look better in the morning," said Justin as he got up. As he left the room he didn't know if he was trying to convince himself as well as Chloe.
"It's so not right," she complained to herself as got herself ready for bed, determined that she would never agree the her Dad's new relationship. When they'd first met, Chloe had just thought it was a friend from work, and they had got on really well. However, when Justin had explained that they were going out together, Chloe went downhill really quick. It was this issue that really upset Chloe. She couldn't understand how she got on so well so quickly. It normally took her months to get used to a person.
The next morning, Chloe breathed a sigh of relief to find only two places set for breakfast. She didn't think she would have been able to cope to find her Dad had been sleeping with-. Chloe retched before the thought could take a further hold.
"How are you feeling?" Justin asked, walking into the room.
"The whole idea just makes me sick," Chloe responded truthfully. She saw her father wince, and felt good about it.
Breakfast was a rather quiet affair. Neither of them ate much and Chloe quickly excused herself to go to school. Justin just watched her go, his heart torn. He hated to see Chloe like this, and wondered, if she was taking this news badly, how the rest of the news would go.
* * *
"Hey, what's up Chloe?" asked Nicky, one of Chloe's close friends. "You really don't seem with it today."
"I met my Dad's new bit of stuff last night."
"It didn't go down too well?"
Chloe dragged her friend to one side where things were a bit quieter. "It turns out my Dad is a f'ing fag."
"You what?!" queried Nicky, not quite believing what she'd heard. Chloe hardly ever used language like that.
"I knew he'd been seeing someone, and stupidly I'd been encouraging him. Heck, he needed something after Mum abandoned us like she did. Last night he brought someone home and I got introduced to Keith."
Nicky nodded, as she realised what Chloe was saying, but decided there must have been more to it. "Didn't you like Keith?"
"Yeah ... no ... look it doesn't matter about bloody Keith. I just can't believe my Dad is queer."
"At least they can't get married, like some areas in America," commiserated Nicky, trying her best to cheer up her friend.
"Yeah, America must be full of pansies," agreed Chloe. "You sure it can't happen here?"
"Isn't it a bit early to worry about it? After all, they have only just started seeing each other."
"The way they were acting, it's like they've known each other for years. And it was like Dad had been spilling our whole lives to Keith. He seemed to know all about me. You will keep this to yourself, won't you? I mean, if the word gets out, my life will be hell."
"Hey, no worries. You kept it secret when I thought I got preggers the other month. Talking of boyfriends, Tom mentioned last night that Rob fancies you."
"Rob Parrish?"
"Well duh, you don't think I was talking about Rob Weston, did you?"
Indeed, as Chloe queued up outside the classroom for morning registration, Rob Parrish walked past and gave her a smile. She thought a bit about Rob and wondered what to do about him, but her thoughts were quickly replaced about her Dad seeing Keith. It wasn't until Mr West, their form tutor, asked if she was joining them today, did she rush into the class.
For Chloe the day was a blur. She didn't get chance to speak with Nicky alone again, so had no emotional outlet for her worries. When she wasn't thinking about her Dad and Keith, she was worrying about the Rob situation. She'd had a few smiles and looks, but so far he hadn't asked her out, and this was just adding to her anxieties. If he did ask her out, what should she say? Would Dad being gay put Rob off?
'I don't need this now!' she thought to herself.
After school, she found a great outlet for her frustrations. Hockey. She'd been a member of the school team for years, but had always found herself playing okay, but never brilliantly. However, the pent up emotions did something to her, and she thrashed the ball across the field and it sailed into the opponent's goal.
"Where did that come from?" asked Nicky in surprise.
"I imagined the ball was Keith's head," Chloe growled.
It certainly turned a lacklustre gamer into something with more passion. When Nicky got passed the ball, she pushed it onto Chloe, who was just outside the scoring area. Chloe controlled the ball and hit it with force, gaining another goal.
"Who was that?" Nicky asked, with growing concern. Chloe wasn't a goody-goody, but she wasn't a girl who would go round hitting people or causing trouble.
"My Mum," Chloe replied tersely.
"Try to keep cool. If you hit another ball like that, I'm worried you'll get booked for dangerous play."
Thankfully there wasn't a serious incident and the game ended as a decisive win. Chloe only had to look like she was going to belt the ball and the defence crumbled.
As they walked towards the changing room, Mrs Lupin, the girls PE teacher, caught up with Chloe and asked, "Are you okay, Chloe?"
"Miss?"
"I know I talk about playing a bit more aggressively, but tonight you didn't seem yourself."
"Sorry, miss?"
"You haven't seemed yourself tonight. Is there something wrong?"
"I'm okay." Chloe smiled, trying to reassure Miss Lupin.
"You better get changed then. If you do feel like talking, then you know where I am." It frustrated Miss Lupin that she knew there was a problem, but there was not much she could do unless the child talked. Why did children think they could solve the problems of the world all by themselves?
Chloe felt a bit better after the match, having worked off some of her frustration and by the time she was dressed she was back to her normal self. Nicky wanted to talk about it more, but knew Chloe would be upset if she mentioned it with others around.
As Chloe walked out of the changing room, she bumped into Miss Lupin. "You look a bit better. Why don't you come in and have a chat?"
"It's late, miss."
"I'll only keep you a few minutes. You've left later than that before."
Chloe sighed and followed Miss Lupin to her office.
"Now we're on our own, are you going to talk to me?" Miss Lupin opened.
"There's nothin' wrong."
"Someone like you doesn't go from your normal style of play to being on the verge of being sent off for dangerous play for no reason."
Chloe stayed silent.
"Do I have to leave you off the team for the next game because of unexplained dangerous behaviour?"
"I wasn't dangerous," Chloe complained.
"And who is the expert here?" Miss Lupin said, raising her eyebrows.
"You are. Please don't take me off the team."
"Then tell me what's wrong," demanded Miss Lupin. "You know full well that I kept Nicky's secret."
Chloe still didn't say anything.
"Okay then, it's obvious you don't want to tell me, so you better go home."
"Are you dropping me from the team?" asked Chloe, fear edging into her voice.
"I don't think I have any choice. When you can demonstrate you can play safely, then you can come back."
Chloe started to get upset and as she approached the door, said, "My Mum left nine months ago. Now my Dad has met someone new."
Miss Lupin's heart jumped for joy. She hated threatening to remove Chloe from the team and was glad things were coming out.
"Didn't you say the other month you were encouraging your dad to look for someone?"
"Yes, but it was still a shock to meet them last night."
"Didn't you like her?"
Chloe gave a snort. "I got on quite well with him; until I found out he was my Dad's boyfriend."
"Are you also upset because it wasn't your mum? Do you think even if it had been a woman he'd been seeing, you would also have resented it a bit?"
"I don't think so. I've been the one encouraging him to move on."
"Have you seen your mum since she left?"
"No. It's like she just disappeared."
"How are you coping, just you and Dad?"
"Okay. He can cook a bit, and used to do some of the ironing before."
"I take it you help out?"
"A bit."
"Only a bit?"
"Well I do any sewing that's needed. Last time Dad tried he ended up with a needle in his thumb. I do some cooking, too. Dad says it's good to know that sort of thing, but he doesn't like me helping too much. He says a child should enjoy their childhood."
"As they should. But if your Dad had a woman move in, it would mean a lot less work for you."
"Probably."
"What about your friends. How do you think they'd react to your Dad being gay?"
"I'm not sure. Nicky knows and is fine about it."
"So, if everything is fine, why are you not behaving so?"
Chloe sighed and blurted out, "Because what if Dad being gay caused Mum to leave?"
"Have you mentioned this to your dad?"
"No!"
"Why not? If you were that pent-up with frustration, I'm sure you've been off with him at home."
"He'd tell me to bog off and mind my own business."
"Perhaps, but it would let him know a bit more about how you feel. I've met your dad quite a few times when he's watched you play. I'm sure he'll be worried about how you feel."
"I just wish I knew what happened to Mum."
"Then talk to your Dad. I know one thing, men aren't mind readers."
* * *
By the time Chloe got home, her Dad was already there. She looked around and didn't see Keith.
"Did you have a good day at school?" Justin asked, as she walked into the lounge and dumped her school bag in the corner.
"We won."
"That's good," Justin responded, glad that Chloe was actually being a bit more civil than that morning.
"No Keith tonight?" Chloe asked, wondering if it would be best to do her homework upstairs or downstairs.
"After last night, I didn't think that would be wise." Justin paused, trying to put into practice what he'd been planning most of the day. "Why don't we wait until Saturday and try to something together."
"I was going to go to town with Nicky."
"All day?"
"I suppose not."
"Excellent, then try to think of somewhere you want to go."
Chloe closed her eyes and nodded. "Just don't hold hands and get soppy while we're out."
"You're home a bit late. Were you avoiding coming home because of Keith?"
"No, Miss Lupin wanted a word."
"Were you in trouble?"
"No, she just wanted a word."
"Go and relax, tea will be ready soon."
The meal was eaten in near silence. Justin was worried about the way Chloe had reacted. It was Chloe however who broke the silence.
"Dad, did mum leave because you're gay?"
Justin gave a small smile at that. "No, she left because she thought I wasn't."
"Huh?!" This didn't make any sense to Chloe, and certainly wasn't the answer she expected.
"Look, let's go and sit down in the lounge. Do you have any homework?"
"Not that needs to be handed in tomorrow."
When they were all cleared away, they sat down on the settee. Justin was going to sit on the little single seat chair, but decided that he needed to be close to his daughter, so he sat next to Chloe.
"I don't know where to begin," he started helplessly. "I think nine months ago, we made a big mistake not telling you what was going on."
"You mean why Mum left?"
"Yes. We thought what we did was for the best." Justin gave a small, almost mad laugh. "And yesterday, I thought introducing you to Keith was for the best. So much for my bright ideas. Before we get into Mum, I have a few questions for you. Did I hear you up late last Saturday watching a film?"
Chloe didn't say anything, but looked at her Dad, slightly fearful.
"What did you watch?"
Chloe shook her head.
Justin got up and wandered over to the window and looked out. "You used to be able to tell me most things. I forget sometimes that you grow up and want to keep things to yourself."
"Am I in trouble?" Chloe asked, sounding a lot younger.
"I'm rather upset that you got up to watch it when you should have been in bed. If you'd asked, I would have let you stay up late."
"Yeah, but then you would have wanted to watch it with me." Chloe realised that she'd admitted getting up and buried her head.
"That is 'yes' not 'yeah' and I suppose I would have stayed up. Now you've admitted sneaking down, tell me what you saw."
"Boys don't cry."
Justin gave a small smile. "I thought so. Did you enjoy it?"
"Not really."
"It doesn't get easier watching it a second time."
Chloe looked very surprised at her Dad. "You've seen it?"
"Twice. What did you think of Brandon?"
"An idiot for breaking the law and getting mixed up with the people he did."
"I didn't mean that, and you know it."
"You mean how did I feel about him being transgendered?" At Justin's nod she continued, "I don't know what the big deal is. It was certainly not something to beat someone up over. Certainly not something to kill over. Jeesh, those American's have strange ideas."
"So why did you watch it?"
Chloe's heart sank and looked at her Dad, trying to see if his face gave anything away. It didn't. Justin just sat there, looking just like he normally did; a kind and loving father who wouldn't hurt a flea.
"It was an Oscar winner," Chloe explained tentatively.
"It was, but did you really just get out of bed and sneak down the stairs because you wanted to watch an Oscar winning film. The Little Mermaid won two Oscar's. Would you like me to get you that to watch?"
Chloe didn't say anything, but got up and headed out of the lounge and towards the stairs. When Justin realised she wasn't going to the toilet or kitchen to get a drink, he followed.
"Can't I do my homework in peace?" she complained as he followed her to her room.
He didn't enter, but just stood in the open doorway. "I was trying to have an adult conversation with you. You don't just get up and leave; it's rude."
"Well don't treat me like that then. Suggesting we watch that kids film."
"I'm not like Brandon's parents. I wouldn't kick you out or beat you up."
Chloe looked really scared and tried to get past her Dad. Justin just stood there, blocking her way.
"I hate doing this, but sit!" ordered Justin, turning round Chloe and giving her a gentle push towards her bed. She got the message and went to sit down.
"Why are you doing this to me?" she sulked.
"Because bottling things up is just the way to heartache. Was I upset with you when you cut your hair short? Was I upset that you don't have any feminine clothes?"
"But I like to just dress as I feel comfortable."
"True, but last Sunday, while I was at work, you bound your breasts and went out dressed as a boy. That makes me think you need to tell me a bit more about what you're doing."
Chloe, who had been sitting looking defiantly at her dad suddenly sagged and looked like she was trying her best not to cry.
"You're not going to hurt me, are you?"
"Don't be silly. Of course I'm not. This is as much your home as much as mine. If you feel like dressing and acting more as you feel, then you should."
"But what about Keith? Isn't he going to think it's strange? He won't hit me, will he?"
"No, he won't hit you. Do you want me to ask him around so you can see for yourself?"
"Er, I think I'll pass. Anyway, weren't you supposed to be telling me about why Mum left?""
"I thought you came up to do your homework?"
Chloe looked at her Dad and saw him grinning. "You're a right pig sometimes."
"Why don't you get changed out of your school uniform while I wash-up? I should have finished with the pots by the time you're changed and then we can have that chat."
"Can I wear what I wore last Sunday?"
"Of course."
As Justin closed the door, Chloe lay back on her bed in shock. Her anger gently subsided, but her fear remained. She wondered how her Dad would react when he saw her. Remembering how long it took to bind her breasts properly, she jumped off her bed and started getting changed.
Downstairs, Justin was swilling a plate as he heard the loud thump as Chloe jumped off the bed. He gave a sad smile, wondering about how Chloe would take the news about why her Mum left. His thoughts kept him occupied, and before he realised, he was putting the tea towel over the draining pots.
"Do you want a hand?" came the voice from the lounge.
"I've just finished," Justin called back. "Do you want a drink?"
"Beer, please."
"Not a chance. Will lemonade do instead?"
"Thanks."
Justin sorted out two lemonades. He thought it best to keep a clear head and not have a beer himself. As he went through, he noticed Chloe trying her best to look like a boy. She'd not done a bad job, but there was something not quite right.
"Well, son, what do I call you?" Justin asked as he placed the drinks on the coffee table.
Chloe's face darkened. "I don't know."
Justin was surprised. "I thought you'd have had a name."
"I used to, but I can't use it anymore."
"Oh?"
"I used to think of myself as Keith, but that all got ruined yesterday."
"There's nothing stopping your call yourself Keith."
Chloe shook her head. "Aren't parents supposed to name their children? What name would you have given me if I'd been born a boy?"
Justin's mouth twitched slightly. "Keith."
"You're pulling my leg?"
"Nope."
"Was I going to have a middle name?"
"Yes. Justin."
"Oh great. A fat lot of good that was. Can you think of another for me?"
"How about Brandon?"
Chloe reached across and gently punched him on the arm. "Okay. I'll try and think of something."
Chloe took a sip of her lemonade and as she put the glass down, asked, "So, why did Mum leave?"
"It's a bit complex," sighed Justin. "We didn't tell you because we didn't want you distracted at school."
"Come on Dad," Chloe complained as Justin paused. "Spit it out."
"Keith is your mother."
"What!" exclaimed Chloe in shock.
"Your Mum tried her best, she really did, but when you are constantly hiding the real you it can get quite depressing. Eventually she couldn't stand it any longer and was going to leave, thinking that we would hate her."
"Why did you let her leave?"
"I didn't want her to go. However, she went because she didn't want either of us to see her while she worked out how to be the man she felt she was."
"For ages, I've been trying to get Keith to meet you, but he's been too scared. He's been worried that you might find out who he was and hate him. It was Keith who spotted you in town last Sunday and he let me know. It was what I used to get him to visit. How could you hate him if you did find out, since you seemed to also be experimenting that way?"
"And I've messed it up," realised Chloe. "Was Keith very upset?"
"A bit. It took quite a lot of fast talking to get him to try again this weekend."
"Does Keith live far?"
"No." Justin wondered what was going through his child's mind.
"Then what are you waiting for? Let's go visit so I can apologise."
"Sorry?" Justin couldn't believe what he was hearing. Yesterday Chloe wanted nothing to do with Keith, and now she wanted to get across and see him straight away.
"Don't phone to warn her. I want it to be a surprise."
"That's him, not her."
"What?"
"You referred to Keith as her. He probably wouldn't say anything, but it would hurt him."
Chloe came to a halt. "Oh, sorry."
"That's one of the other reasons he didn't want you to know the truth. If you hadn't known, then you wouldn't ever slip up with names or pronouns."
"Do you want me to change before we go?"
"That's up to you. You went out last Sunday, so why not now?"
"Will Keith be okay with me like this?
"What do you think?"
"Oh yes. Let's go now then."
"He's going to kill me," muttered Justin under his breath.
Fifteen minutes later they pulled up outside a small block of flats. It wasn't the nicest part of town, but it was nowhere near the worst. Since it was away from the main boozing areas of town, it was a relatively quiet place. As they arrived, a man was walking out of the entrance door, and held it open for them, so they wouldn't have to buzz.
"Thanks Tom," said Justin as they walked through.
"Now it will be a total surprise," Chloe said with glee as they walked up the stairs to the first floor. "You don't have a key, do you?"
"Yes, but I'm not using it. This is Keith's flat, and he needs his privacy."
"From you?"
"Mostly from you. You don't go barging into the bathroom while I'm in, but you used to with your mum. If, and I say if, we can persuade Keith to come home, you will have to respect his privacy like you do mine."
"Oh yeah, I haven't thought of that. It's going to mean a lot of change, isn't it?"
"Yes. Stop thinking of Keith as your mum, and just another dad, and you should be okay."
Justin pressed the door bell, and the ring could be heard in the distance. A moment later the door opened a little and Keith peered out.
"Why didn't you just use your key?" asked Keith, as he opened the door fully.
"Because I've bought our son with me," replied Justin. Chloe smiled at being referred to as their son.
Keith must have understood, and the door was left ajar and the sound of running footsteps was heard.
"Come on in," sighed Justin. He went into the lounge and said, "Sit here while I see how upset Keith is."
Chloe sat down and looked around the cramped lounge. The place was covered in pictures of her and Dad. It was obvious to her that Keith really loved them both. After a few minutes she couldn't wait any longer and headed head towards the bedroom.
"After yesterday, how can you expect me to go in there? I know I'm not wanted," Chloe heard as she got near.
Chloe didn't knock, but went straight in through the open door. "I'm so sorry about yesterday," she said looking straight at Keith. "Neither of you had explained who you are, so I got upset thinking that Dad was seeing anybody but you."
Keith just looked down, not daring to believe he was hearing what he was.
Chloe paused wondering what else she could say to persuade her Mum, no Keith, to come home. "I also think I need your help. When I went out on Sunday, people looked at me rather strangely and when I went into a shop they referred to me as 'miss'."
"Do you really want to be a boy?" Keith asked, lifting his head to look at his child.
"I don't know," Chloe admitted. "I think so, but I want to experiment a bit. Does that make sense?"
"Not only does it make sense, it sounds sensible. And if you aren't happy as a boy, then we can find out what makes you happy. It's half term in two weeks. Do you want me to take some time off work to help you?"
"Does that mean you're coming home?" Chloe asked, all excitedly.
Keith looked down. "Yesterday you hated my guts and couldn't wait to see me go. Yet today you are totally different. Why?"
"Because I didn't know who you were then. I thought you were someone corrupting Dad."
"And aren't I?"
"What?"
"Corrupting people. For me, your Dad has gone from being straight to gay."
"Don't forget, it was me who fought for us to stay together," Justin responded. "I love you. And don't you forget it."
"But I'm a-"
Justin quickly interrupted Keith. "Don't start that again. Especially in front of Chloe."
"Have you thought of a male name?" Keith asked, looking at Chloe.
"No," said Chloe, her fingers crossed behind her back and hoped Dad would stay quiet. "Will you both choose me one? It is a parent's job to name their child."
"Dad and I will put our thinking caps on," promised Keith, only just coming round to the fact that his child didn't hate him like he'd thought last night.
"So what do I call you?" Chloe asked Keith.
Keith looked at his child for a second and then laughed a bit. "I don't know. I didn't expect you to know who I was. How about just calling me Keith?"
"I can't do that," Chloe complained. "You didn't bring me up to call an adult by their first name."
"Uncle Keith?"
"But you're more than an Uncle. Can I call you Dad?"
Keith started to cry tears of happiness.
"Hey, I didn't think boys were supposed to cry?" teased Justin.
"I think this is allowed," Keith responded, a big grin on his face. It fell a bit as he thought aloud, "No matter how much I'd love you to call me Dad, I think it might get a bit confusing. How about you call me Dad Keith?"
Chloe nodded.
"Only if you call me Dad Justin," added Justin. "I don't want any of us to be lesser of a Dad."
"So Dad Keith," said Chloe, trying the new name out. "Now you know that I won't freak out about you, will you come home?"
"If I'm welcome by you both."
"Yes," smiled Justin.
"Oh, yeah!" yelled Chloe, almost jumping up-and-down. "Just promise never to leave like that again."
"I won't," promised Keith.
Keith grabbed some clothes for the next few days, with the plan to move everything back on Saturday. It wasn't long before they drove home, the family once again complete.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
A New Style of Education
Character List
by Karen Page
Updated 13 September 2008
School Characters
Year One
|
Others not yet revealed Year Three
Others not yet revealed
Key:
Notes: Want to comment but don't want to open an account? |
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 1
"Time's up," informed the exam invigilator, breaking through the silence of the exam room. "Please put down your pens and close your answer books."
A sigh rippled through the classroom, followed by the scraping of chairs as people sat back for the first time in two hours.
"What did you think of that test?" I asked Richard as we left the exam room.
"Very strange," he responded as we filed out.
"Fancy taking exams in the middle of June," I continued, "I thought we'd finished all the exams in May."
We were the second year to take the special paper. There were plenty of mutterings about what a waste that two hour exam was.
"I hear it is still at the experimental stage," I heard Helen mumble to her friend Cat. "I know last year that nobody was chosen from this school and only six people nationwide."
"What's the prize?" I asked Helen as I slowed down so she would catch up.
"Didn't you pay attention last week?" she rebuked. "It is a test to find people that would benefit from a new teaching method," she recited from last weeks briefing. "If they pass this test, they will take a longer test. If they still pass, they get sent to a very expensive private school where they use the new teaching methods."
"Who pays?" I said intrigued. I wish I'd paid more attention when this was all explained.
"The government," she responded. "Apparently they recognise that these students wouldn't excel in existing schools, so they are paying for a method that will."
* * *
Two weeks passed and nobody heard anything about the tests. After a few days they were old hat and after a week they had all but been forgotten about.
On the Monday exactly two weeks after the exam, I was handed a letter addressed to my parents.
"What's this?" I asked the teacher, as only Tina and I had been handed these letters.
"I'm not sure," the teacher replied. "The head just handed these to me at the end of lunch, telling me to hand them out just before you go home."
I was itching to know what was in the letter, but since it was addressed to my parents I just put it into my school bag. When I got home, I took the letter out of my bag and examined the envelope in more detail. Nothing gave away its contents. It was just a plain white envelope addressed to the parents/guardians of David Grant. There were no other marks on the envelope. Frustrated, I placed it on the kitchen table for my parents when they got in from work. I grabbed a glass of orange juice and went upstairs to play on the computer.
I was supposed to do my homework, but what was the point? If I did anything well, I was teased by my friends. If I didn't, I upset my parents. Since I was better at avoiding my parents, the choice was easy.
Twenty minutes later I heard a door bang signalling my brother was home. I sighed and tried to concentrate on the screen. My attempts were, as usual, futile, as he came barging into the room stinking of sweat from playing football in the open land between the school and home.
"Hi Eric," I said glancing up. "How was your day?"
"Great," he said. "I got chosen for next weeks grudge match against those pansies at Little Tempton."
"That's good," I said, trying to return to the computer. I hated the language that he used. Pansy was a word that people like my brother used to use to describe me. That was till two years ago, when I realised that mixing with the girls was not something that was good for my health.
My older brother towered above me and he ruffled my hair as he passed me. "Don't let Mum or Dad catch you playing without doing your homework," he said.
My brother might have enjoyed a good game, but he was also a diligent student. He didn't appear to get the same ribbing when he got an A for his exams. Only once did somebody try to make an issue out of it and the boy regretted his decision soon afterwards. Nobody could prove that it was my brother that had done it, but nobody wanted to chance being pulverised.
I turned off the game and pulled out my homework. When Eric came back from the shower, I was lying on my bed reading the latest book set for English Literature.
"What you reading?" Eric asked, as he pulled a tee shirt on over his thin lean muscular body.
"Cider with Rosie," I replied
"Is that a school copy you're using, or the one we inherited from Aunt Charlotte?"
"The inherited copy."
"Well, be careful. You know how valuable it is since Laurie Lee died."
"I know, but the modern editions aren't as readable as this old copy."
By quarter to six my Mum and Dad were home, and Mum started to make our meal. I wish Mum or Dad could cook properly, but neither of them had been taught. Therefore most of the meals were ready meals that they microwave. The best non-ready meal they could manage was sausages, chips and beans.
I wanted to take cooking at school so I would have a better understanding of food and maybe look after myself better. The food that they served was often not very healthy and was often too salty for my tastes. My parents discussed it and came to the conclusion that I ought to do woodwork instead. What an absolute waste of time.
At the shout of "Meal's ready," we all trooped down the stairs. Tonight was cauliflower cheese, which had some type of smell that didn't resemble either cheese or cauliflower. Beside the plate were two pieces of thickly butter bread. Oh joy.
I noticed that the letter addressed to my parents was still sitting unopened on the table. "I was given this letter today," I said handing it to my Mum. Dad was very good with his hands, but reading wasn't his strongest point.
"I'll read it later," she said, putting it on the side with the plastic microwave dishes. "Let me eat before it goes cold."
"Yes, Mum," I said, as I watched a blob of melted cheese drip from the container onto the envelope.
Eric, who was the only other one that noticed, patted my leg in sympathy and indicated I should eat up.
At nine I still hadn't heard about what was in the letter and went to investigate. The kitchen had been cleared of the waste, but the letter, with the blob of cheese, still sat unopened.
I took the letter and eventually found Mum sitting half asleep in the lounge. Dad was nowhere to be seen and I presumed he'd gone down the pub. "Mum, you've not opened the letter," I complained.
"I'm too tired to read it now. I'll deal with it tomorrow night."
"But Mum, the teacher said it was important that the permission slip inside has to be returned tomorrow."
"Okay," she said, reluctantly opening the letter. She found the reply slip and scrawled her signature on the dotted line and handed the whole package to me unread.
"Thanks," I said, not really surprised at her attitude. I went upstairs and read the letter. I'd passed the initial test and tomorrow at nine was invited to take a more detailed test.
Eric came into the room as I started crowing. "You alright?" he asked.
I handed him the letter, which he quickly read. "Well done, David," he said slapping me on the back. "You'd better get an early night as you want to be at your best. In fact, I'll come to bed now myself so I don't disturb you later."
"Thanks," I said. Living in a two bedroom house was sometimes cramped, but we survived. Mum and Dad weren't very well paid and it was the best they could afford.
The next day after registration I would have normally had geography. Today I slipped away and headed towards the school hall, where the exams were always held. I hadn't told anybody in the class about my reaching stage two, as I didn't want people to think I'd been clever. In fact, I'd deliberately tried to answer questions wrong, but some of them were about perception and there weren't right or wrong answers.
At nine, the five of us that were waiting outside trooped into the hall. There were five tables set out and we were told which table to sit at. When the three hour test started, I realised that each of the exam papers was marked with our names on them. At the end, we all staggered out while they prepared the hall for lunch.
While we were waiting for lunch, I chatted a bit with Helen, George, Frank and Tina. As we chatted about the questions, it transpired that all the papers were different and were tailored towards each person's interests.
During that afternoon I got a good amount of teasing about being selected to sit the second paper. On the way home, I was set upon by two boys in my class. They were upset that I'd got to sit the second paper and they'd not. Just as their fists started flying, they were yanked from me.
"If I ever catch either of you bullying David again, you won't live to regret it," he promised, shoving them into the wall of the house we were passing. "In fact, pass the word. If David even has a finger laid on him, I'll blame you two and you two will suffer the consequences."
The two boys ran off and I ambled home with Eric. Nothing was said between us. Nothing needed to be said. Yet again I'd shown to the world how weak and useless I was. I couldn't even walk home without my brother's protection. Why was I ever born?
That evening I tucked into burnt fish fingers. I'm sure that my taste buds had died years ago, suffering the torture of my Mum's cooking. Actually it could be worse; Dad could be cooking. Dad only knows how to cook one thing and that is beans on toast. The toast was normally burnt and the beans cooked till the tomato sauce congealed into a single sticky blob.
During the meal Eric suddenly piped up, "How did your special test go today?"
"What test?" queried Dad, looking at Mum, who just shrugged her shoulders.
"The one that the letter was about yesterday," I said. "The one that you wrote the permission slip for."
"So how was it?" asked Eric again.
"It was very long, but I think I did okay. It's difficult to tell as there didn't appear to be a right or wrong answer to many questions."
The rest of the meal was taken up by Mum wondering what was going to happen in tonight's soaps. So tonight would be a good night, like most weeknights, to avoid being near the television.
* * *
On Thursday just before going home, I was given another letter. Again it was in a plain white envelope addressed to the parents/guardians of David Grant. This time, I kept hold of it till after the meal.
"Er, Dad," I said, as I approached him as he finished washing the dishes.
"What is it?" he asked gruffly. I presume he was itching to go to the pub.
"I got a letter from school addressed to you and Mum," I explained.
"Well, give it to your Mum then," he retorted as he walked out the door.
So much for that idea. I walked into the lounge, just as the music started signalling the end of one of this evening's soap operas.
"Hi, Mum," I said, shuffling through the door. "I got another letter from school today."
"That's nice," she said, switching channels and not paying me any attention.
"It's the same type of letter as Monday," I tried to explain again.
"More bloody forms to fill in," she huffed. "Okay, pass it here."
I passed her the letter, which she opened. This time she scanned the letter and again scribbled her signature on the attached permission slip.
"Looks like you passed that test," she said. "You've got to see someone tomorrow to make sure you've not lied or somethin'."
"Thanks, Mum," I said, taking the letter from her and went back to my bedroom.
"So what was the letter about?" asked Eric, looking up from his history text book.
"Looks like I've passed the exams and I have an interview tomorrow."
"Well done," he said. "I think you might do well in a place where you're not going to be picked on."
That night I didn't sleep well. I was frightened about the interview the next day. After two hours of tests, it appeared, by the contents of the second test, that they knew me very well. After five hours of tests, I'm sure they knew my inside leg measurement. What was the interview about? What would happen if I passed? Would my parents let me go to this other school?
"Stop worrying and go to sleep," mumbled Eric. "You're keeping me awake."
"Sorry."
Under strict instructions, I gave up my thoughts and quickly fell asleep.
The next morning I combed my hair an extra time to make sure that it looked neat. I looked in the mirror and wondered how I could make the school uniform look better. After a few minutes of trying, I gave up. When Eric fitted in this size top, he was slightly broader, so all the school tops were loose, especially round the neck.
* * *
At just before eleven, I went to the school reception and handed in my permission slip.
"How many are being interviewed?" I asked Miss Hill, the school secretary.
"You're the third and final one," she said. "Frank was in at nine and Helen is in now."
"Did Frank pass the interview?"
"I don't know," she replied. "I'm not told anything about the tests or interviews. I'm just told to organise things by the head. I don't think he knows much either."
Just then Helen walked out of the interview and, before I could ask her anything about it, I was ushered in.
"Hi, I'm Rachel. Have a seat."
Rachel closed the door, sat down opposite me and pulled a thick file from her briefcase.
"David Oscar Grant. Parents are Brian Oscar Grant and Angela Natasha Grant, nee Green and sometimes known as Angel. You have a brother Mathew Eric Grant, mostly known as Eric."
She then continued to rattle off facts about me and my family that took me by surprise. She, or somebody, had been doing a lot of digging. Some of the facts I wasn't even aware of. I didn't know that my Mum had once had a brother and that he'd killed himself.
"Why all the research?" I asked.
"We like to know about the person to make sure of our facts and to make sure that you are indeed what the tests say you are. No matter how good the research, there is little we can find out about your day-to-day life. So, please tell me about a typical school day and what your weekends are like."
As I talked about my life, Rachel just leaned back in her chair and listened. There was no note taking and no interruptions. She just let me talk till I was done. What I hadn't realised before was how isolated I was in my life. I just accepted my situation and lived as best as I could without being beaten up on every street corner. As I reflected on what I'd said, I saw that I wasn't living my life; I just existed.
Once Rachel saw I was finished reflecting on what I'd said, she then asked another strange question. "I'd like you to describe for five minutes each your perceptions of Frank and Helen."
I thought about querying this, but I bit my tongue and thought about what I was going to say. I knew little about Frank, as he mixed with a small group of people I hardly knew. They kept themselves to themselves. Helen, on the other hand, I knew well. In fact, I used to be good friends with her before I found mixing with girls was leading to me failing to fit in. Once I'd stopped mixing with the girls, the taunts of pansy stopped, but I never replaced that friendship.
Once I'd gathered my thoughts, I managed to talk about Frank for barely two minutes before I switched to Helen. I talked about her for just over ten minutes. Again, Rachel didn't stop me when the time was up. She just sat back and listened.
"A few questions which I have that you didn't answer. You used to have lunch with Helen till about two years ago. Why did you stop?"
"It wasn't good for my health," I replied. "At first, it wasn't too bad. I was called things like pansy as I often sat with girls. Things, however, started to get worse. The teasing got worse and some people started to beat me up. The teachers didn't care, and my parents just said it was part of growing up. When I stopped sitting with the girls, things got slightly better, but I still got attacked if I was seen with them on the weekend. Now I just keep to myself."
Once I'd finished, she asked, "Before you go, do you have any questions for me?"
I did, but I was worried that she would think I was rude, so I just replied, "No, miss."
"It's Rachel to you. I don't stand on formality, but if you insist on being formal I actually have the title Dr Ruiz."
"Are you a shrink?" I blurted out.
"I prefer psychiatrist," she replied, "but yes, I'm a shrink. That's very perceptive of you. What made you think I was a shrink?"
"It is just that you had the ability to make me relaxed in this stressful situation, and in thinking back you had me talk for nearly all this time. I've told you a lot about myself that I've never told anybody else, and that includes me! I thought educational people were a lot older, so how come you're involved?"
Dr Ruiz thought for a moment and then replied, "Do you remember, a little back, a plane crashing into the terminal building at Gatwick?"
I just nodded, as I thought back to that time.
"Well, there was one boy who lost both of his parents. His physical injuries were so bad it changed his whole life. I was the main psychiatrist involved in the case. When the government set up this scheme, I was asked to join as that case had given me special insight into issues that stop certain people getting the full benefit from the education offered in main-stream schools."
I thought about her answer and smiled, "You're good," I said. "You managed to answer my question without actually telling me anything."
"There is that perception again. However, this wasn't the question you were going to ask, was it?"
"No," I replied. "What I wanted to know was if any of us had passed?"
"It isn't a matter of passing or failing; it is making sure that the people would fit in with the things we offer. But to answer your question, you will each be told on Monday if we can offer you a place. I can tell you, however, that one person will be offered a place, one will be refused, and we are undecided about the last person."
"Which am I?"
"You will find out on Monday," she replied, sticking to her guns. "Anything else?"
"Yes, just one question. Why? Why is this being done? I'm sure you will manage to help a small number of people a year. However, the money being spent on just research appears to be huge and something the government wouldn't normally spend. Why is it doing it?"
"You're right, there is more to this than just education. Part of it is also looking after people's health. We offer a learning facility that not just covers standard education, but is also a place where they can learn more about themselves. Due to the same reasons that they are failing in education, we find the same people are at risk from others trying to harm them, or sometimes the same people try to hurt themselves or even kill themselves. That is another reason I was employed; to help people see through issues without killing themselves."
"Sorry, but there is more to it than that."
Rachel paused for a moment, "Yes, for some people, there is more to it. For some people, the government does have an ulterior motive which I can't talk about. However, that is only for a small percentage of the people we help."
"I'm told that it is like a boarding school. The people that are accepted wouldn't live at home? Is that just during the week? Would we go home at the weekend or holidays?"
"People who get accepted normally live on campus all year, including Christmas and the summer holidays."
"You make it sound like a prison."
"Not at all, but it is for the safety not just of the person going home, but the safety of all the people in the programme."
I looked at my watch and saw it was one. I'd missed lunch, and I'd taken up an excess of Rachel's time. "I'm sorry I talked and asked so much," I apologised. "I appear to have gone way over the hour."
Rachel just handed over a piece of paper with the schedule. I'd been scheduled for two hours, where the other two had only an hour. "We knew we had more to discuss with you," Rachel said, answering my question before I asked. "A lunch should be waiting for you at reception."
That night during the meal, I decided to ask Mum about the uncle I had never heard of. "Mum, why didn't you tell me about Uncle James?"
Mum dropped her fork onto her plate, and a half chewed piece of overcooked pasta fell from her open mouth.
"Don't talk silly," scolded Dad. "You only have one uncle and that's Uncle Wayne, my brother. Your Mum doesn't have any brothers or sisters."
Eric, who had been slowly ploughing through an extra helping of chips, looked up at me.
I ignored Dad's comments and tried a different tack, "How similar am I to how he was at my age?"
"Very," replied a tiny shaky voice. "Apart from you having a computer, you could have been twins."
"Why did he kill himself?" I asked.
Eric just gasped and Dad sat there looking stunned.
"He said he couldn't live a lie any longer and killing himself would save us all a lot of pain. He died on his sixteenth birthday."
Mum just broke down into floods of tears and ran from the room. Dad didn't look at all pleased with me and said, "David, go to your room, and I don't want to see you till breakfast, when you can apologise to your mother."
Thinking about the information I'd gathered, I decided to go to bed. I could then think in peace for longer. I didn't get much thinking time as exhaustion overtook me and I fell asleep.
The next day I apologised to Mum for upsetting her. She just nodded and said, "Please don't take your own life like James did. I hadn't thought about how alike you were till you mentioned it. James killing himself destroyed my parents."
"But why did he want to kill himself. What lie did he live?"
"I don't know," she replied. "I wish I did. How did you find out about James?"
"His name was brought up in the interview. One of the reasons some kids struggle with education is they have trouble fitting in, which might lead to suicide. Apart from the new education method, they have psychiatrists on the team to help the students so they don't kill themselves."
"Is it a boarding school?" she asked.
"Yes. I'd live there all year round. I'd not even be able to come home for holidays."
"So when would we see you?" she asked.
"You wouldn't till I'd finished," I replied sadly. "I think if I get a place then I won't take it because of that."
Mum thought for a moment. I'd never seen Mum think about things before. "No," she said firmly. "If you get offered a place, you must take it. I'll make sure that Dad doesn't stop it happening. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you killed yourself, and you're enough like James for that to happen."
The weekend dragged slowly by, and I was apprehensive about Monday. At registration I was handed a note. I was to go to reception after registration. At reception sat Frank. Helen arrived a few minutes later. We just sat there, silently, awaiting knowledge of our fates.
Rachel came out of the headmaster's office and approached us. "Let's take it like Friday," she said. "Frank first, then Helen, and lastly David."
Frank got up and followed Rachel. Ten minutes later he walked out alone. "Your turn Helen," he said.
As Helen disappeared, I asked, "You get a place?"
"No," he replied, sounding slightly disappointed. "She talked a bit about things, but she said that I would learn more here."
Frank wandered off to class, and Helen soon appeared. "I've been offered a place," she said. "Rachel said I was to wait here till she's finished with you."
"Well done," I said, and wandered into the office where my educational fate awaited me.
"Hello again," she said pleasantly, "Close the door and take a seat"
When I was seated and comfortable, she said, "To cut to the chase, you have a place, if you want it and your parents agree to it."
I sat there stunned and eventually responded, "Thank you. Was I the undecided one?"
"No," she replied. "The interview just confirmed what the tests said. We were unsure about Helen till we interviewed you. She will gain slightly in the education, but you two together show an extra talent that people will help guide you."
"Is this the thing you wouldn't discuss on Friday?" I asked
"Yes, and I still can't discuss it."
"Okay, but are you also saying that if I don't go then Helen also doesn't?"
"No, we have offered her a place. However, she will get a lot more out of it if you're there, and you will get more out of it if she's there. Now let me bring Helen back in, and I can explain to both of you how we move forward."
Rachel brought back a smiling Helen. "You got offered a place too?" she squealed excitedly.
"Yes," I said. "I want to go, but I'm not sure if my parents will let me."
"I want to go too, but I hadn't thought about my parents. They'll miss me since it is a boarding school, but at least I'd see them at the holidays."
"Er, Helen," interrupted Rachel. "The school is a 365 day a year school. Due to the things the school offers, it can't be any other way."
Helen sat there stunned, "Don't I get to see them ever?" she asked.
"Once you finish school at eighteen, it is up to you."
"You knew this already?" Helen asked me.
"It was something I asked on Friday," I replied.
"If David goes, then so will I," she suddenly blurted out. "But if his parents refuse, then I won't go."
Rachel just smiled one of her little smiles. I think this is something she expected Helen to say, so I just kept quiet.
"I have arranged to see David's parents at half-twelve and then Helen's parents at two," she said. "So, at the end of school don't go home, but come to reception."
We were then dismissed, and we made our way to our lessons. One thing I must say about this selection process, it was long winded. So much waiting when you just want an answer.
At half-three the school bell rang signalling the end of the school day. I walked to reception and saw Helen waiting. "You sure about this?" I asked her.
"How can I be?" she replied. "I've no idea what is different about the school, and I can't see my family."
I just nodded my agreement, and we waited. Rachel came out of the staff toilets and said, "Sorry to keep you waiting. Let's discuss things."
We walked again into the headmaster's office. When we were seated, Helen asked, "Did they agree?"
"Yes," she said. "Both sets of parents have agreed. Tomorrow I will collect you from your houses. I'll collect you, David, at half-seven and then we will get Helen. You won't need to pack any clothes or personal belongings, as the school will provide everything you need. When I pick you up, you should have no bags at all and have empty pockets."
We were then dismissed, and we made our way home to spend the last few hours with our families.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
At half seven the doorbell rang. I looked nervously up at Eric. I wish my parents had been able to stay to say goodbye, but they both had to go to work.
"I'll answer the door," he said, getting up.
When he returned, he came in with Dr Rachel Ruiz who asked, "You ready to go?"
"Yes. Are you sure I don't need anything?"
"Just yourself, now say goodbye to your parents and Eric, then we must get going."
"Good luck," Eric said, ruffling my hair. Then, turning to Rachel, he asked, "Do you have an address that I can contact David at?"
"I'm glad you asked," she said, handing him a card. "This is special PO Box number; we don't allow visitors so we don't give out the address of the school. As you can see, there is an emergency non-geographic phone number. That is constantly manned, but must only be used in conditions such as death of a family member."
"Aren't you going to say goodbye to you parents?" she asked, as I walked towards to front door.
"They had to go to work," I replied wearily.
"Oh," was her only reply, as we walked to her car. "Why don't you sit in the back, so you can be company to Helen?
"Okay," I said, sliding into the back and buckling up my seat belt.
Five minutes later, we drew up outside Helen's house and Rachel left me to collect her.
I watched as I saw the whole family at the door, and Rachel handed over the emergency contact details. They were all hugging Helen goodbye and reluctantly Helen joined me in the back of the car. As Rachel drove off, I watched, as her parents and brother waved to her till the car rounded the corner out of sight.
Helen sat there stony faced, looking expressionlessly out of the window. I could see she was trying to keep her emotions in check. I learnt the hard way that trying to keep in your emotions just leads to issues later, so I unbuckled my belt, moved into the centre seat and gently held her. Soon, I felt her body relax and quiver slightly. I just held on and gently stroked the side of her arm.
Rachel shifted her driving position, so she could glimpse what was happening in the back. I saw her face in the rear view mirror give a slight smile of approval, and then she shifted back into her original driving position.
After twenty minutes driving, we were on the motorway heading south. The smooth driving and constant hum of the tyres against the road surface lulled both Helen and I to sleep.
My eyes fluttered open and I slowly sat up. I'd slept with my head against Helen's shoulder. I glanced through bleary eyes at the clock on the dashboard and saw I'd been asleep for nearly two hours. I looked out of the window and saw why I'd woken up. We'd just come off the motorway and had stopped at a junction.
"Are we nearly there?" I asked quietly, trying my best not to wake Helen.
"No, we've got to pick up another student. We should be there in about half an hour," Rachel replied in a whisper.
The constant slowing down for junctions soon awoke Helen from her slumber. She yawned and gave a small stretch, which I thought was a bit cute.
When a few minutes had passed, Rachel pulled into a supermarket car park and parked in a relatively deserted area. When the engine was stopped, she turned round and spoke with us both, "The student we're going to pick up was originally scheduled to be picked up by someone else. However, due to the person picking them up being ill we must do it."
"So what's the problem?" I asked.
"Have any of you ever heard of the term transsexual?"
"No," I replied, wondering where this conversation was going. I began to understand that the recruitment had been meticulously planned, and Rachel had a good understanding of how we would react before we did.
"Yes," said Helen a bit reluctantly.
"When did you learn about the term? And if it involves another person then please don't mention their name," Rachel asked Helen.
"About two years ago. I was worried about a friend and did a bit of research," Helen answered.
"And did you think the term fitted that person?" Rachel asked.
"I think so, but it is difficult to tell."
"Do you think the term also fits you?"
"NO!" exclaimed a shocked Helen.
"Sorry, but will somebody please explain?" I asked, confused. "What does transsexual mean?"
Rachel looked pointedly at Helen, who eventually got the clue, "It is where somebody has the mind of the opposite sex of the body."
"Oh," I replied. "Are you saying that the student we're picking up is a transsexual?"
"Yes," Rachel replied. "Sam is a transsexual. One thing that you will learn about Hayfield Hall is that you can be anything you want. In life, people are straight jacketed into acting as society expects. However, that doesn't suit some people, and they have a conflict with what they are comfortable with, and what people expect. That conflict leads to issues with education and other potential issues, such as self harm or even suicide."
"Are you saying I'm transsexual?" I asked.
"Are you?" she asked. "Only you can decide what you want to be, or how you want to act. Were you happy how you were expected to act at school?"
"No," I replied. "But that doesn't mean I want to be a girl."
"No," Rachel replied, "It just means you need to be in an environment where you can be who you want to be, without somebody calling you a pansy or beating you up."
"Was I the one you did the research about?" I asked Helen.
"Yes," she said, bowing her head, worrying what I was going to say. "Sorry."
"Is Sam a boy or a girl?" I asked.
Rachel just smiled and said, "That's up to Sam to decide. Now, the single most important rule at Hayfield Hall is that nobody makes fun of anybody else. Tolerance is of the utmost importance. Do you both feel you can be tolerant of Sam and the others?"
"Yes," we both replied in unison.
As we drove on, I didn't notice the beautiful scenery. My mind was full of thoughts. Was I a transsexual? Would I be better off as a girl? What was Rachel implying when she asked Helen if she was a transsexual? Oh, this is so confusing. Helen just held my hand and occasionally murmured something comforting to me. I wasn't upset or anything, I was just confused. Why didn't the thought of somebody questioning my gender upset me?
My thoughts were interrupted as we pulled outside of a rundown block of council flats. The walls were daubed with graffiti and the ground covered with broken glass. There was nobody in sight, but it felt like a thousand eyes were watching our every move.
"I'll go and get Sam," said Rachel. "I might be ten minutes, depending on certain things. Now I'm going to lock you in, so don't panic. If you need to open one of the doors, just pull the leaver and that door should unlock."
With that said, she disappeared into the concrete jungle, leaving us alone. We silently sat there for a few minutes, watching cars drive slowly past. We noticed a boy on his bicycle riding slowly past the cars trying to see if they were locked. I shivered slightly with fear, as he peered in, and Helen held me to overcome my anxiety. She made me feel so safe, held in her strong arms. It was as if two years hadn't passed. She was again looking after me, just as she'd always done.
"All okay?" asked Rachel cheerfully, when she returned. I gently wriggled out of Helen's comforting arms.
"No problems," I said, as Sam got into the front passenger seat.
"Hi Sam, I'm Helen," introduced Helen.
"And I'm David," I said, finally free of Helen's arms. I peered slightly at Sam and wondered whether Sam was a girl or a boy. After a few moments of study, I decided I couldn't tell. Sam sure must have got a lot of stick in an area like this.
As we departed we passed a huge building sign posted GCHQ. Hang on; wasn't this place supposed to be top secret? Yet there were big signs identifying it. Soon after passing GCHQ, I noticed a hotel to the right and it rather looked like something from a soap opera that Mum used to watch reruns of. "Sorry Sam, but that hotel we just passed looked rather like something from an old soap."
Sam looked embarrassed at understanding what I was talking about, "Yes, that was used for outside shots of Crossroads in the early 1980's."
Not bad for two children who weren't even born when it was shown.
We passed the motorway junction without getting on to it. "Are we nearly there?" I asked.
"No," Rachel replied. "Since we're in the area, we will call in on an old friend's house for a spot of lunch."
I saw Sam start to shake slightly and Rachel said, "Sam, Kelly Baxter has operated as an adviser to companies on transsexuals for years. Last year she took in somebody who was forced, by a horrible accident, to assume the identity of a girl. I was involved earlier on in the case. If Kelly is not helping somebody, she sometimes helps out at the school. Sometimes, she even accompanies us as an added aide when we go abroad."
We went around the outskirts of Gloucester and started heading up a steep hill. All around was open countryside with views back towards, what I presume, was Gloucester. We went over the top of the hill and I saw another valley stretched out in front of us. Just as we started to head downhill, we turned right towards somewhere signed Holcombe.
"I hate driving down here in the winter," said Rachel. "It's always full of ice."
The road now was very narrow and I don't know what we would have done if we'd seen another car coming towards us. Eventually we turned right into a driveway. There ahead was an impressive looking building, which Rachel stopped in front of.
A woman, in what looked like her mid forties, came bustling out and gave a loud squeal when she saw Rachel. They were soon embracing each other as if they'd not seen each other in years.
We all got out of the car and followed Rachel into the house. Lunch was delicious. It was only a simple quiche but the taste was exquisite. My taste buds lit up for the first time in years.
"Better than what your parents cooked at home?" asked Kelly as my face lit up.
"Much," I said, as I savoured the feast in front of me.
"This is nothing," she said, smiling a smile rather like Rachel's. "One of the things Hayfield Hall strives to do is make students comfortable in any country in the world. The school cooks often create many delights from around the world."
I'd been watching Sam, who had been very tense at the beginning. As the meal had progressed, Sam had relaxed and looked to be enjoying being accepted. Nobody had mentioned Sam's gender, and after being in Sam's company for a few hours I was still no closer to being sure what gender Sam was.
After we'd helped wash up, we all got back into the car for the remainder of the journey. We journeyed for another two hours and eventually we drove through a village called Heath and Reach. What a strange name for a village. Once we'd passed the village centre, we turned onto a small track about half a mile down the track was a pair of iron gates standing about twelve feet tall. As Rachel pressed a button, the gates slowly and majestically swung open.
The wheels of the car crunched against the gravel track. In the distance, I saw the main building, which looked about two hundred years old. There were two wings on either side that looked like they'd been recently added.
Rachel parked her car in a small car park to the right of the main entrance. When the engine stopped Rachel announced, "Welcome to Hayfield Hall. Never to be mistaken with Hayfield Manor; that's a hotel in Ireland."
We followed Rachel through the main entrance into the hall. The building looked like it used to be a small stately home. The oak panelled walls gleamed from the bright glistering chandeliers. The thick plush carpets made me want to take off my shoes and walk bare footed. I expected a butler to appear to take our names.
"As you can see," said Rachel, suddenly transforming into an impromptu tour guide, "the main building is kept in its original splendour. This is for several reasons, the primary one being the agreement with the owners. Other reasons will become apparent as time goes on. The main house is where you will eat and relax. Any activities, such as orchestral recitals, will occur here. The new building on the left is the living quarters, which we will visit next. The new building on the right is the classrooms where any learning activities occur. These learning activities might not just be school work."
"First, let me show you where your years lounge is. After that, I will show you to your bedrooms. There you can shower and change into some clean clothes. When you're ready, we will all meet in the lounge no later than six."
We were first shown into the lounge. Each year had its own lounge and there was a big room for occasions where the whole school could be present. There were mostly settees that sat two people, but there were also some which sat three and some singles. On the wall above the fireplace, was a huge sixty-inch plasma television.
"There is full terrestrial and satellite television here and in your rooms. Satellite television is not just the standard Sky system, but we have feeds from television all over the word. This is very important when you do languages studies. The only channels you won't be able to receive are the pornographic ones."
"Is this funding due to-", I started to ask, thinking of the vast cost a system like this must cost.
"Yes," interrupted Rachel, firmly signalling this wasn't something to be discussed.
"What about radio?" I asked.
"Same as television," she replied. "Accessible from here, or your room, is an extensive range of channels. A complete list of stations, there country of origin and language is listed on the halls computer system."
We walked towards the sleeping wing. "Each person has their own room with private bathroom. Each bedroom has a single interconnecting door to link with their study partner's room. Sam, your study partner will be here in the next nineteen minutes. David and Helen, you are study partners."
"Nineteen minutes is a bit precise;" Helen queried, and then laughing slightly asked, "Have all the cars got tracking devices in them?"
"Yes," replied a serious Rachel, as she walked towards what looked to be a state of the art computer system. The system appeared to already be booted and she placed her eye to what looked like a microscopes eyepiece. Dr Rachel Ruiz flashed on the screen and then was replaced with a menu. A few clicks later, a map showing the current location of the car was showing.
Sam and Helen just stood there mesmerised, as the red dot moved up the trunk road about seven miles away. I just smiled. Yes, this certainly looked like it was going to be an interesting school.
"The computer systems are interconnected across the site with a high speed internet connection. There are a few restrictions for the first few weeks but most of these are rescinded once you have settled in."
"How fast?" I asked, getting excited.
"I'm not a geekette," she responded humorously. "You can ask this question in your computer studies lesson on Thursday. Oh yes, there is a special computer network for extreme computing such as hacking etc. You got into enough trouble last year, hacking into the school computer system, without repeating that here."
"Yes Rachel," I said humbly. Damn, they did do there homework.
"Now, before we leave Sam, there is something that needs to be covered. I have to register you onto the computer network," she tapped a few buttons. "Okay Sam, you go first. Put your right eye to the iris reader."
Sam did as asked and the computer responded verbally. "Iris scan complete."
The procedure was repeated for both Helen and me. "Now Sam, can you sign in. All you have to do is place your right eye to the scanner."
Sam did as asked and was soon seeing a student screen. On the top left there was an icon called "To do" which was flashing.
Sam pressed the icon and it brought up another screen with just one option, "Menu Selection".
Shown was a large selection of dishes. I couldn't believe how many items were shown. "The menu choices are specific to each person. There are a many overlaps but each person has their own diet. If you choose a high protein lunch, the choices for the evening will reflect what is needed to give a balanced diet. If the person is a vegetarian, then only vegetarian dishes are displayed."
We left Sam and walked down the corridor to our rooms. "This is your room David," she said opening a door. It was the same plush room as Sam's was. A large king sized bed in the middle of the room, with very neutral sheets. Against the wall was a two-seat settee and next to it was a round table with two chairs. Rachel opened a door on the right hand side of the room exposing, what I presume, was Helen's room. It was identical.
"Clothing was covered with Sam last week," she said, "so I saved this for now. If you open your wardrobe doors and step in, you will see a wide variety of clothing. On the left is typical male clothing, on the right female, and at the far end androgynous clothing. What you wear is up to you. All clothing should be your size."
Helen suddenly dashed into her room and I heard her open her walk-in wardrobe. "I've got the same," she exclaimed, walking into the room. "Aren't there any differences?"
Rachel paused for a second and thought. "Yes. In the top right draw next to the bed, you will find a special top to compress your breasts. David has a gaff, which is used to hide his penis and a pair of false breasts, without the adhesive. If you ever want to try them that is up to you, but the adhesive is only provided when you've been shown how to attach them properly by the school nurse."
Helen and I blushed at the mention of our bodily parts.
"One other difference is the toothbrushes. David has always used a manual toothbrush, where Helen has an electric one, as she has done for the last two years. What you wear is up to you and how you act is also up to you. If you want to try living in an opposite role then there are classes we can arrange to help you. For instance, if David decided to have a go at living as a girl, there are lessons in makeup, hair and deportment."
Helen and I looked around in amazement. I'd gone from a small bedroom which I shared with my brother, to a huge bedroom with all the clothes that I could ever need.
I was brought back to my senses by Rachel saying, as she departed, "Don't forget to be in your years lounge by six. In your bathroom, you should find a black bag. Please place all your current clothes, including underwear and shoes, into the bag and post it down the laundry chute. While you're at the school you should only wear what is provided. Oh yes, don't forget to do your meal choices."
When Rachel was gone, I just sat on the edge of the bed and wondered what all this was about. It has been implied that the tests showed I was a girl at heart, but was I? I'd never thought of it before. I looked up to ask Helen a question but she'd disappeared into her room. As I got up, I heard what I though was a sob. Since the door was still open, I looked through and saw Helen on her bed holding on to a pillow, looking very distressed.
I wandered in and walked up to her. "What wrong Helen?" I asked, gently putting my hand onto hers.
"Nothing," she said, furiously wiping her eyes. "I'm fine."
"Helen," I said, lying next to her on her massive bed. "You can tell me. We're both going through major upheaval. I think they buddy people together to overcome these issues. Please tell me what's wrong."
"I've never been away from home before without my parents," she said, as she started to cry again. I wrapped my arm around her and snuggled close. "I'm not going to see my parents again till I leave school and I'm scared. The only person I know is you and there are many things I don't understand. It's like we're prisoners here and nothing makes much sense. There is a lot of talk about gender issues but I'm not like that. I'm happy being a girl."
I held Helen till she calmed down. "I think there is a lot more to this place than were being told," I said. "I think a lot of the security is for our safety. I'm sure things like this will come up in the meeting. If they don't, then why don't you ask?"
"Okay," said Helen sitting up. I rubbed my arm, which she'd been leaning on, attempting to restart its circulation
"If were quick at getting ready then we might get a chance to explore a bit," I said sitting up myself.
"That sounds good," she said. "Now scram, while I take a shower."
I laughed and headed back to my room, shutting the interconnecting door as I passed through.
When I came out of the shower, I donned the fluffy white robe. It reminded me of the films where people in posh hotels are always given robes like these and invariably tried to steal them.
After a few minutes of looking, I found the draws containing underwear. There was a wide selection ranging from ultra feminine to very masculine. Whatever next? I picked out a pair of my usual male briefs and pulled them on. I refastened my robe and went to look what was in the wardrobe.
I glanced at the male selection and there was everything from formal attire to casual. There was even a dinner jacket with a fancy shirt. What sort of things does the school get involved with? The female side had a similar range including cocktail dresses. This must have cost a bomb. As I glanced across at the clothes, I noticed that even the casual clothes were smarter than what I normally wore. There didn't appear to be a pair of faded jeans or outrageous shirt in sight.
I chose a light pair of fawn trousers and a dark blue short-sleeved pure cotton polo shirt. For the first time in many years, I wore new clothes and since they were not hand-me-downs, they fitted me perfectly. I wondered about footwear and at the end of the closet, I found it. I found a comfortable pair of cushioned shoes that looked like they would match the outfit. I glanced to the feminine side and there was a large selection of shoes ranging from flats to bright red high heels. How could girls wear such contraptions?
As I was dressed, I walked to the connecting door and knocked. Instantly the door swung open and there was Helen. She giggled, "I was just about to knock."
"Did you see all the clothes?" she asked coming into my room. "Those cocktail dresses must have cost a fortune."
It had taken longer to get ready than I'd hopped and we wouldn't have time to explore. I hope that later we'd have chance.
When we entered the lounge, there were a few people there already. Sam, seated on one of the settees, was chatting away with one of the other new students.
"Let's say hi," suggested Helen.
"That sounds friendly," I said, beginning to revert to the uninhibited time before the last two years of hell.
"Hi Sam," we said in unison.
I asked, "Is this your partner?"
They both nearly chocked on their drinks that they were sipping.
"Sorry, is this your study partner?"
"Yes, this is Richard," said Sam. "Richard, meet Helen and David."
"Hi Richard," Helen and I again said together. I'm going to have to stop doing that.
"Have you come far?" asked Helen.
"Carlisle," he replied. "It was quite a journey."
We didn't have time to chat more as the room went quite when Rachel and five other people appeared.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
"Hello everyone," stated a middle-aged looking man. "Welcome to Hayfield Hall. My name is Mr Hobson and I'm the headmaster at this school. Since we recognise that it's very emotional leaving your families at such an early age, we have a support team in place. They are here to look after you. They can override everything and everyone at the school, including me. So it's a good idea to stay in their good books."
That caused a nervous ripple of laughter from the children.
"I'll introduce the support team. As I mention their names, they will step forward so you will know who they are. First off, we have Rachel Ruiz."
Rachel stepped forward.
"Then next we have Daniel Mathews."
Daniel Mathews stepped forward. "Dan, please," he said indignantly, the effect being spoilt by his big friendly grin.
"Sorry Dan," grinned back Mr Hobson. "Carrying on, we have Tracy Dine."
Tracy stepped forward and gave a little wave. She was a petite blond who looked like she was in her mid forties.
"Next," continued the headmaster, "is Rebecca Thompson, or as she prefers Becky."
Becky stepped forward and with a grin said, "And lastly we have Keith Thompson. The reason we share the same last name is that we're married."
Keith stepped forward with a big grin on his face, as Mr Hobson spluttered for a moment and said with a shrug of his shoulders, "They've done it again. Each introduction they do something to throw me off track. You've all been assigned a support person. They're always available. If for some reason they aren't available, such as them being ill, or with another student, possibly from one of the other years, please feel free to approach any of the others."
Mr Hobson took a big gulp of orange juice as the five members of the support team sat down. "Okay," he continued. "One thing that all the test results show is that you are all extremely intelligent, but had issues that stopped you excelling. At Hayfield Hall, we hope you will be able to excel. You will probably take your GCSE exams earlier than you would have done in your old schools. In fact, you will probably take some exams in under six months. That will be two and half years earlier than normal. All pupils will study all lessons. Each person will study one subject in more depth, to make them an expert in that field. I am going to call peoples names. I'm not going to ask you to speak but please just stand so the other pupils can see who you are. Then your support person will say what your study major is. Let's start with Richard Barnes."
Richard stood up to allow everyone to get a good look at him. Tracy Dine stood up and said, "Richard specialisation is learning how communication systems work."
"Communication systems?" queried Richard, as he and Tracy sat down.
"Yes," replied Mr Hobson. "Communications systems are used everywhere these days. How do satellites work for television signals? What about mobile phones? All these are important in today's society. Just think of the range of jobs that require that knowledge."
"Sorry, I didn't think," said Richard bowing his head.
"Now don't you do that," said Mr Hobson sternly. "Lift up your head. We are a team. I expect you to behave and do as you're told, but if you have a question then ask. Never be ashamed of using your brain. You will have to learn your skills well as there will be projects that use your skills, and then we will be reliant on you."
"Yes sir. Does that include LAN communications?" asked Richard in response.
"Good question," said Mr Hobson grinning. "Now that is the correct attitude. You will need to know the basics of LAN communications, as there is overlap. However, we have a LAN communications expert in the year above you, who you will often work with."
"Next we have Richard's study partner, Sam Hood."
Sam shyly stood up, trying and failing to remain invisible. Dan Mathews stood up, "Sorry I wasn't able to collect you earlier," he said. Sam gave a little shrug. "Okay," continued Dan, "your specialisation is electronics."
Sam sat down smiling. When not avoiding people, Sam loved to build electronic devices.
"No questions?" Mr Hobson asked Sam. When Sam replied "No", Mr Hobson continued, "Next up is Brian Young."
Brian stood up. Becky Thompson rose and announced, "Foreign Languages. You all have to learn the languages, but Brian seems to have a knack. Therefore, Brian will learn them in more depth."
"Merci," replied Brian, as he sat down.
"Next is Brian's study partner, Lewis Johnson."
Lewis stood up, as did Keith Thompson who said, "Lewis is the only person who has never played a musical instrument. Therefore, he is going to learn how to be a conductor. Since he has a lot to learn, this is going to be his speciality."
Keith sat down, but Lewis didn't. Lewis said, "I've an announcement regarding myself. I was born female but last year decided to live as a boy. Apart from school, I have lived as a boy since then. Eventually it would become known, so I'm mentioning it to you all now. I have been told that this school is tolerant, so please treat me as a male."
"Okay, let us have a break introducing everyone," said Mr Hobson formally. "Lewis is very brave in revealing what he just has. Not everyone in this school is living as their birth sex. Some have tried it and reverted back. Others have never tried it. Not everyone at this school is a transsexual. This school does not discriminate, positively or negatively, against gender or sexuality. You are what you are. All that is important to us is that you be happy with yourselves, treat each other with respect and work hard in your education."
"Some people decide to live fully as the opposite sex and go on to have surgery to complete their transition. Others just decide to live as the opposite sex but never have surgery. Some might decide to attend school as one sex, but relax in the evening as the opposite sex. We've even had some that alternate genders each day. Gender is irrelevant to some and they attempt to live without gender. Sam is such a case."
"That is gender. Now, sexuality is also something not to discriminate against. If people are gay, lesbian or bisexual isn't important. Remember, gender and sexuality are separate. Just because you might decide to live as a different gender, it doesn't mean that you have to change your sexual preference. We have birth males living as females that prefer females, others that prefer males. We even have transsexuals that prefer other transsexuals. It is irrelevant to your education."
"Every so often, we go on field trips abroad. When we're due to go abroad, we ask that you stick to the gender you are living as for up to three weeks prior to going. That way we can make sure that you are passable and don't draw undesired attention. In addition, it is a major pain to change your passport in less than three weeks. Can you all adhere to that?"
I looked around and saw we were all nodding our heads.
"Good. Now let's finish of the introductions before I get carried away into another lecture. David Grant."
I stood up and let everyone have a good gape at me. Rachel stood up and said, "David's specialisation is going to be Computer Systems."
I sat down, as did Rachel. After being hushed when I wanted to ask questions about this place in front of other people, I decided to hold my questions till I could have a private discussion with Rachel or Mr Hobson. I had an idea that the things I learn would be very interesting and not things normally taught in schools.
"Next is David's study partner, Helen Jackson. One thing of note, Helen and David attended the same school. This is the first time we have admitted, into the same year, two people from the same town, let alone the same school."
Helen stood up and so Rachel, who had just sat down, stood up again. "Helen's specialisation is metal and woodwork."
"Next is Paula Plumtree."
Paula stood and so did Keith Thompson, "Paula specialisation is mechanics."
As Paula and Keith sat down there were a few gasps of surprise. I'm sure I heard someone say, "A girl doing mechanics?"
"Why not?" I retorted. "This school is about not discriminating against gender. So there are no girl's jobs or boy's jobs. Just skills that is suited to our abilities."
"Sorry Paula," said Brian. Apparently, he had made the comment. "I was out of line."
"No problems," said Paula, with a disarming grin. "I know its strange being thrust into a world like this. All I know is I like mechanics and I'm quite good at it."
"I'm glad to see that you're learning quickly to resolve internal issues between yourselves. You will be expected to work as a team, relying on each other's skills. Now, the final person to introduce is Emma O'Conner."
Emma stood and so did Tracy. "Emma is going to be our transportation expert. Emma used to live on a farm and can already drive. This school is on a vast amount of private land and sometimes transportation is required to other areas. When Emma is up to speed, she will be your driver. You will all learn to drive well before your seventeen. However, Emma will also learn to drive larger vehicles safely."
Emma and Tracy sat down and Mr Hobson again spoke, "Your class schedules should now be available on the computer system. You will notice that you all have lessons together, apart from when you will be learning your skills or having instrument lessons. The whole school has orchestra practice on Monday, Wednesday and Friday afternoons between four and six. There is a large practice on a Sunday afternoon between three and six. I'm glad to see that Emma is a bassoon player and David is a horn player. Two positions which we were short on. However, we still don't have an oboe player so you will get introduced, on Monday, to Jill who goes to a school in Milton Keynes."
"Is Jill aware of us?" asked a very nervous Sam. Sam was shaking and Richard put his arm around Sam to provide comfort.
"Jill has given me permission to tell you about her", said Mr Hobson. "Jill was born Bill, but has a medical condition which, while still a fertile male, has the body of a female. Jill decided six months ago to live full time as a girl, but is not planning on having a sex change. Jill's biological father is a male to female transsexual who recently underwent her final operation to become a woman. Julia is a fulltime IT director who also teaches computer studies here. Julia will certainly impress you with her technical knowledge. She might be management but that doesn't mean she doesn't know what she is doing. Does that answer your question, Sam?"
"Yes," said a calmed down Sam. "Sorry if I was skittish."
"Its only natural," said Lewis. "It's hard to trust again after threats and embarrassment, isn't it?"
"Yes," Sam replied, brightening up. Richard removed his arm now Sam was okay. "It's great not to be alone again."
"This school will serve your last five years in education. Since we aren't a standard school, we don't follow the standard schooling number. You will be year one; the first year in the school."
"One last thing before we go and eat, sleep arrangements. You and your study partner have interconnecting doors. There are times when you need support. You'll probably be lonely, having moved away from your family. If you fall asleep, in the same room, nobody is going to know or care and you won't be told off. However, we ask one thing; keep your underwear on. At your age, it is illegal to have sex and we don't want the school shut down. We are a school not a brothel."
There was polite tittering at Mr Hobson's lame joke.
We went back to the plush entrance hall and went down a corridor. After about twenty meters, Mr Hobson opened the door on the left. Inside was the dining area. There were five large round tables, each with ten seats. To one side was a smaller sixth table. The tables had large white tablecloths that extended halfway down to the floor. I looked around for the waiters in their penguin suits, but saw none.
"Each year has eight students," explained Rachel as we sat down. "One person from the support team will sit on each year's table. We rotate which table the support team sit on. This evening you have me. The headmaster will either sit on one of the year's table or, if we have guests, sit with them on the sixth table."
I had Helen to my right and Rachel sat to my left. Our table was towards one of the walls, which I had my back to. Therefore, I had a good view of the rest of the tables. A girl from the year five table stood up and said, "We all want to welcome the new students to Hayfield Hall and hope you all enjoy your stay."
All the other students then stood up and applauded.
"Enjoy your stay?" I thought to myself. "They make this sound like a hotel; either that or a prison."
I looked around at the eager happy faces on the other older children. They didn't appear to be unhappy, in fact, quite the opposite.
"Okay, that's enough," said Mr Hobson, when he thought the clapping had gone on long enough. When they had quietened down he said, "Thank you Stacy for the introduction."
Mr Hobson then turned to just our table, "Today I am sitting on year three's table. So if you will please excuse me."
I watched as Mr Hobson went across the room and sat down next to Tracy, who was the psychiatrist on that table. There seemed to be a bit of a commotion, as one of the girls on that table was upset. She kept looking towards our table and shaking her head. The other students in her year were trying to comfort her.
Helen nudging me brought me back to focus on what was happening on our table. "Okay, now David is paying attention I'll explain about the meal. The cooks will make your meal and two people from each table will go and collect that year's meals from the kitchens. The meals will be on a trolley, which can hold six meals. So for this table there will be five on one trolley and four on another. The meals are ready when the bell rings."
A single bell rang. Rachel glanced across at table three, where things had calmed down. I noticed Tracy give a slight nod, which I wouldn't have noticed if I wasn't wondering what was going on. "Richard and Sam, can you please collect the meals for this table. Just follow the other people."
A few minutes later Richard and Sam were back. I watched Sam walk trying to get some sort of clue. I didn't have any. I decided to ask Richard tomorrow, as Sam might have opened up to Richard by then.
The upset girl from year three was also one of the people that had gone to collect the meal. When she got to the table, she sat down and burst into tears. One of the boys on the table helped put out the food while Tracy and another girl helped comfort the distraught girl. My thoughts were brought back to my table when Sam plonked my plate of food in front of me.
"Sam," frowned Rachel. "Waiters and waitresses serve with style and finesse. They don't just plonk it down. Let me demonstrate."
Rachel got up to serve Brian. "The main rule to remember is that you serve from the left and take from the right. Now Brian's napkin is still in front of him. Before you bring across the plate, unfold it and place it on his lap. Then bring his plate across and serve gracefully from the left."
"Are we all going to be professional waiters now?" I asked, my tongue firmly in my cheek.
Rachel laughed, "No, but if you know how to be one you will know what to expect. Now this is very formal, like you would get in a silver service restaurant. You wouldn't get this in the local Little Chef."
For the second time today, I ate something that tasted like food. It had a taste rather than being the charred overcooked remains, which I had been accustomed to. What I'd eaten at lunchtime was good but this was out of this world. No sooner than I'd started, I'd finished. Sam and Richard took our plates and returned with the deserts. This wasn't a prison; I was in heaven.
As we were talking after the meal, the young girl from year three approached our table. She was accompanied by Tracy and the other girl that had comforted her. The girl looked very nervous and looked like she was going to run at any moment.
Rachel moved to the vacant seat next to Richard. "Richard, I'd like you to meet Wendy."
"Good to see you again, little brother," uttered Wendy, wringing her hands together. "I've changed a bit in the last two years."
"You're...you're," stuttered Richard.
"I'm Wendy," she said firmly, raising her head and smiling confidently.
Richard stood and stared at her. Everyone on the year three and one tables held their breaths. I wonder what was going through Richard's mind. I soon found out.
Suddenly a big grin came across his face and tears started to fall, like mini waterfalls, down his cheeks. He reached out and grabbed his sibling into a warm embrace. "Why didn't you say you felt like this?"
"I didn't know," she sobbed back into her brother's arms. "I only knew something wasn't right. Nobody outside this school knows about me and that is the way it has to stay till I'm older. You were told I'd gone to live with Aunt Harriet in America. That's because younger siblings haven't to know, just in case it influenced their tests."
"But when?" asked Richard.
"When did I stop being William and become Wendy? It was late in year one. I knew it was what I wanted to do. I dressed a lot in my room for a while before I had the courage to talk about it with Tracy. It took longer for me to pluck up the courage to show the rest of the year. Yvonne, my study partner knew and helped me."
"When did you know I was coming here?"
"Tracy told me Sunday night. I hear she is also your support er, support-"
"Psychiatrist," I helpfully finished off.
"Sorry," I said talking over the seven other babbling year one students. Obviously, it wasn't something they were expecting. Rachel and Tracy just glared at me. Oops.
Rachel eventually burst into fits of laughter. "Well there goes the softly, softly approach."
Tracy then spoke for the first time since the reunion. "Wendy, Richard needs to find his feet. There is a lot for him to learn and he has only just met his study partner. I know you have a lot to catch up on, but please wait a few days."
Wendy nodded in understanding. "I'm just down the corridor from you. The computer system will tell you were to go," she explained to her brother. "Give it a week. There is a lot for you to learn."
Wendy went back to her table to help clear up. Richard was too emotional to do anything. He just stood there watching Wendy.
"Rachel," I whispered. "Why don't you let Richard and Sam go to the year one common room? I'll cleanup. I'm sure Helen will help."
Rachel whispered back, "If you don't mind, that would be helpful. The year normally leaves together, but in these circumstances, I think this would be good for him. Thank you David."
"Helen, can give me a hand to clear the table? I volunteered us to do it, as Richard isn't in a fit state. He needs to discuss things and its best he does that with Sam."
"Just like at home," she said with a grin. "You clear the glasses and I'll get the desert plates and bowls."
"At least you don't have to wash up," Emma giggled, as Richard and Sam snuck out of the room.
"I don't think I would be able to cope with that tonight," Helen laughed heartily back.
When we had returned the trolleys to the kitchen, we sat down at the table with something to drink. Some of the older years had tea or coffee. I had decided on a nice cold glass of milk. We chatted for a bit, giving Richard and Sam time to talk.
When we were finished, we cleared up and we trooped back to the year one common room. As we were leaving, so was year three. Wendy dragged me to one side for a moment.
"I saw what you did for Richard," she said. I might have known her birth sex but there was nothing masculine about her. Looking back there was nothing odd about anybody else in the dinning room and I'm sure some of those people were not living as their birth dictated. "Thank you", she continued. "At this school a persons study partner is the most important thing. They're always there for each other. I hope Richard learns that sooner than later."
"I saw how hard it was for you," I replied. "Not only was Yvonne there for you, but so were all the students in your year. I noticed how they rallied round to support you. I take it you were supposed to introduce yourself when you went for the meals?"
"Yes, though I didn't do it as I was frightened of his reaction. In the end, I couldn't have wished for a better result. I hope they explain why no one can know what happens in this school."
"I think I understand. I've noticed too many things which can only lead to one conclusion. If I'm correct then I can perfectly understand why everything about this school stays a secret. Not just till your eighteen, but forever. You can never go back to your parents, can you?"
"No," she sobbed. "I can't. None of us can. At the end of the day it is best for everyone."
When we got to the year one common room door, Helen and Yvonne where waiting. "Take good care of her," I said to Yvonne, "She will need a lot of comfort tonight. She desperately wants to explain things, such as the post eighteen issues, to Richard but she knows she can't. He isn't ready for that kind of revelation yet."
Yvonne looked at me with wide-open eyes. "A lucky guess and logical thinking," I said.
I grabbed Helen and we went into the common room, leaving Wendy and Yvonne to comfort each other. I knew Helen would not ask in front of other people, but I expect a good grilling later.
Everyone was in the room, including Rachel. She had seen me talking to Wendy, so she came across to see me before I got too close to the others. "Is all okay?" she asked.
"I hope so," I replied. "However, I think I need to explain something to Tracy. I extrapolated on Wendy's situation and added in some ideas that you have stopped me expressing. I went forward a few years and explained the result to Wendy. It hit the nail on the head."
I was glad to see that Helen looked confused. She was very close to her parents, so I was trying to keep her in the dark. Rachel noticed that because she said, "Before bed I want to see you both in my office. I need to explain all of this too you both." I started to complain but Rachel firmly said, "No, David. You can't carry that knowledge on your own. You need to trust Helen."
"But I can't. She isn't ready."
"No, but nor are you. You think you are, but you're not. Together the pain will be shared. It will be somebody that you can discuss things with. You must never have a secret from your study partner. No one here will expect or demand that from you."
Rachel whipped out a PDA. I wonder where she was carrying that. Her outfit didn't seem designed to store such a device. "Tracy will be in her office in two minutes. Go up the stairs onto the first floor. Our offices are down the corridor on the left."
"Will you be okay?" Helen asked me, as Rachel went to talk with the other students.
"I think so," I replied. "I best go and see Tracy. I shouldn't be too long. Can you update me tonight on anything I've missed?"
"Sure," she grinned, pushing me towards the door.
I followed Rachel's simple directions and ended up outside Tracy's office. I knocked but there was no reply, so I stood waiting outside. Tracy soon appeared and I was let into her large office. On her desk was a computer like in our bedrooms. There were three chairs opposite the desk. Against the far wall were two three-seat settees, which is where I was directed to sit.
Tracy sat next to me and said, "Rachel said that you had some important information for me?"
"Maybe," I replied. I relayed my discussion with Wendy. "Rachel said she was going to have a chat with me and Helen tonight."
"I think that is very much needed," she said. "You're right to tell me about Wendy. Yvonne will help emotionally, but I will need to make sure that Wendy can talk about this rationally. I will need to keep her in the loop of what Richard knows and doesn't."
I had a small chat with Tracy before going back to the year one common room. When I got back, Rachel was in the process of issuing PDA's to us. These were registered to our thumbprint.
"These PDA's are linked into the school network. You can use it as a phone, send messages, check schedules and use it for note taking. All that you can do on your PDA can be done on your main terminal, in your bedroom. Any notes you take will be automatically available from the terminals."
I used my thumbprint and pulled up my schedule. I noticed it even included the orchestra practice tomorrow. I clicked a few times and pulled up tomorrow's meal choices, which I had great joy in filling in.
Rachel then went on to explain how the television and radio system worked. "You have to be in your bedrooms by ten. From year four, it is midnight. So currently, you have an hour to yourselves. Normally, time from last lessons till bedtime is yours to relax in any way you want; after you have done your homework. Evening meals are normally half six, unless advertised. Today's was half seven so we could get the introductions done."
Rachel turned to Helen and me. We were sitting together on a two-seater leather settee. "Follow me and let's get this discussion over with."
We followed Rachel up the stairs and into Rachel's office. It was furnished identically, but instead of a green leather sofa, this was maroon.
Thirty minutes later, I was comforting Helen as we made our way back to our rooms. "Forever?" was all she could say. I wasn't numb with shock as I had worked out most of it. Even so, things were a lot bigger than even I suspected.
I opened my door and ushered Helen in. "Go to your room, clean your teeth and get ready for bed," I advised her. "Then we can talk for as long as we need to."
I got ready and was in my pyjamas when Helen came in. She was dressed in a satin pair of pyjamas with a matching dressing gown wrapped around her. She looked stunning. We sat on the settee in my room and we chatted about what we had been told. When we had finished, the clock showed midnight. We'd gone through two boxes of tissues. I'd been as upset as Helen had. Rachel was right; it is something that needed to be shared.
Helen went off to her room and I slid into bed. Helen had left the interconnecting door open. I struggled to sleep; the details were still too fresh in my mind. No, that wasn't true. I could still see the image of Helen crumpling when she knew she would never see her family again. They would be able to write or email to each other, but that would be it. I would never be able to see my parents or my brother again. I was as bereft as Helen was. Less than twenty-four hours ago I was sharing a room with my brother, now I was alone in a school that was nothing like I'd expected.
I pounded my over plump pillow to try to put an indent into it. It was too high for me. As I put my head down, I heard sobbing coming from next door. I went in and found a distraught Helen hugging her second pillow. I climbed into bed next to her and put a comforting arm around her. I only meant to stay till she was feeling better, but I fell asleep with Helen in my arms.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
I awoke to a faint beeping coming from Helen's computer. Helen stirred a few seconds later. As Helen stirred, I realised she might not be happy with me sleeping in the same bed. I also realised that seeing Helen was causing a reaction in my underwear.
"Oh God," I thought. "She'll kill me!"
I quietly slipped out of the bed and made a dash for my room. I was in desperate need for a cold shower. As I headed for the door, I tripped and fell onto the floor.
"Go and get yourself ready," giggling Helen, from her bed. "Thank you for being with me last night. I don't think I could have coped without you being there."
"So you're not angry?" I asked, standing up. I was amazed that she wasn't punching me; Helen was much stronger.
"Of course not," she said indignantly. "Now go and have a shower. I take it you were going to have a cold one?"
I put my hands in front of my erection, embarrassed that she'd seen it and dashed into my room.
After my invigorated shower, I donned the white fluffy robe and went to examine the contents of the wardrobe. Since today, according to the schedule, would be mostly class work, I chose a light pair of trousers and a long-sleeved shirt. Helen came in wearing a female pair of trousers and a short-sleeved top. That was the problem with no jeans in the wardrobe.
"Are you okay," I asked her. "With what you were told last night?"
"Not really," she replied, sounding subdued. "However, there isn't much I can do about it. I love my family dearly and never to see them again is going to hurt. However, I can understand why, I just don't like it. What about you?"
"I was never very close with my parents," I said. "However, no matter their faults, I still loved them. My brother was a pain but always stuck up for me and I'll miss him as well."
We hugged each other, which I didn't want to end. However, Helen being sensible said, "We'd better get ready or we will be late. We don't want to be late for our first breakfast."
As we went from the sleeping quarters into the main house, we bumped into Rachel. "How are you two coping?" she asked.
"We spent till about midnight discussing it," I answered truthfully. "Sorry that we didn't keep to curfew."
"Were you in your room by ten?" Rachel asked.
"Yes," Helen replied. "We went to our room as soon as we left your office. I was too upset to do anything else."
"Then you didn't break any rules," explained Rachel. "The rules say you had to be in your bedrooms by ten. Nothing about when you go to sleep. We want you to learn how to take responsibility for yourselves. So after you'd talked till midnight, did you still have trouble sleeping?"
We both nodded.
"Which bed did you both comfort each other in?"
"Are our rooms bugged?" I demanded.
"No, but it is the usual thing that occurs with caring people; and you are both caring people."
"My bed," said an embarrassed Helen, bowing her head.
"Head up," snapped Rachel. "So you slept in the same bed. Did you both keep you underwear on?"
Again, we both nodded our heads.
"So you abided by the rules. You were both emotionally distraught and needed each other." Turning to Helen she asked, "Were you upset that David joined you in bed?"
"No," she said, not looking at me.
"Would you like David to join you again?"
Helen spluttered. She looked at me and then at Rachel.
"That's not fair," I said. "Asking Helen that question in front of me is cruel."
"Of course," said Rachel with a slight smile. "Sorry."
There was no way that Rachel was sorry. She knew exactly what she was doing and probably got the answers she was looking for.
"Apology accepted," I said. "By the way, how long were you waiting for us, so you could bump into us?"
Helen elbowed me, but I just looked straight at Rachel, egging her to respond.
Rachel just laughed, "About twenty minutes. I got the timing on that one wrong. Enjoy breakfast; I'll see you both later."
Breakfast was either a cooked one, which you had to pre order, or cereal. The cereal you helped yourself to from the selection on the side cabinet. When the bell rang, Brian and Lewis went to get the cooked items from the kitchen. They would do the fetching and clearing today.
I'd never had a cooked breakfast before, though I had heard a lot about them. Neither of my parents had the skills to cook so many items and have them ready at the same time. They also didn't have enough money to be so extravagant. I still don't understand how I managed to end up with a computer.
So today was the first time I tackled a full cooked breakfast; bacon, sausages, fried eggs, tomatoes, baked beans, mushrooms, hash browns, black pudding and fried bread. When I chose "fried breakfast" on the menu, it automatically shrunk the choice I had for the evening meal. So tonight, I will have cottage cheese salad. Oh well.
I chatted away with the others. Apart from them missing their families, all the other six appeared to be fine. They were thinking of this as a glorified school trip. Today we had Dan Mathews sitting with us. He was chatting away with us, always with a big grin on his face. After a bit, I noticed he was steering the conversations so he could get information about how we were coping. He must have had some inside information, as he never tried to find out how Helen and I were.
As I was drinking a nice glass of freshly squeezed orange juice, I heard two tings. One appeared to come from my pocket and the other from Helen's. I looked at Helen who shrugged. "That ting is a schedule update being applied to your PDA. It only tings if the update applies to today or is classified as important.
Helen and I both reached for our PDA's, but I managed to pull up the page before she could. Helen and I had joint appointments with Rachel at eleven. Helen showed me her screen; she had an additional appointment at half eleven with someone called Dr Sue Barker.
"Hey Dan, who is Dr Sue Barker, is she related to the tennis player?"
"She prefers to be called Dr Sue rather than Dr Barker. She is the GP that all the students are registered with. She is part of a doctor's practice in Milton Keynes and yes, she can be trusted. Tennis is the wrong sport. Do any of you watch rugby?"
There were a few nods and a few verbal "yeah's".
"Do you ever remember someone called Stuart Barker?"
"The hero of Wigan?" asked Lewis.
"That's the one. That is who Dr Sue used to be."
"Shit!" swore Lewis. "I remember seeing historic Wigan matches on DVD. Stuart was very masculine. Is she passable?"
"Very. She's a big girl, but nobody has ever questioned that she isn't a woman."
Sam, always the paranoid one, grinned at his own self-consciousness.
"I take you found each other comforting?" Dan quietly asked Helen and me.
"I thought only Rachel would know all about us?"
"Your initial cases were reviewed by all five of us and Rachel had to warn us about her conversation with you both. Things like your conversation with Rachel this morning will stay with her. However, I can have a guess based on the appointments that you have just got. I take it you kept to the rules?"
"Yes," we said simultaneously. We must stop doing that.
"Well, you've not just broken the record, you've smashed it. Don't worry about Rachel; she is just trying to look after you. You aren't in trouble."
Breakfast was finished, so we all trooped out of the dining room. Morning lessons where more intense than I've ever had, but it all made sense. I didn't have to hide my love for a subject and I found myself taking part in the lesson more than I'd done in the last few years. I wasn't the only one, as all eight of us took an active part. We covered more in Maths than I had done in a month at my old school.
In between Maths and Language Studies, Helen and I bumped into Yvonne and Wendy. "Hi," they greeted us in unison. We chatted quietly for a few moments.
"I hope I didn't upset you too much, last night," I said to Wendy.
"I was a little upset, but that was only to be expected," she explained truthfully in a very hushed voice trying not to explain too much.
"Last night, Rachel explained everything to both of us," I explained. "She said I had guessed too much and it wouldn't be healthy for me if Helen didn't know."
"We were a very close family," confided Wendy. "I was very upset when I was told. I know Richard won't be happy either."
"Well at least Tracy will be prepared," comforted Helen. "As you were upset, she will know that Richard will be. Richard will be told at the same timescale as you were, so it isn't going to be for a while yet."
"Last night, which bed did you sleep in?" asked Yvonne with a sly smile.
Helen turned red and said, "Mine. How did you know?"
"Most change from study partners to partners when they have a huge emotional upheaval," explained Yvonne. "I presume that being told was very upsetting to one or both of you."
"It's just a perk of coming here," informed Wendy. "So far, nobody has failed to fall for their study partner. It takes all the worry out of finding a life partner."
I was itching to ask about the other items that had been confirmed, but I knew this neither the time nor the place. I'm sure some will get talked about when I start my skills lessons. I was looking forward to that homework.
"So what do you think of the fun things the school offers?" asked Yvonne.
"Such as?" asked Helen. "We've only seen our common room."
"There is a twenty-five metre swimming pool, a library and all the computers can access a wide range of computer games. The library doesn't just have school reference books but has a really good range of fiction books; you can also borrow board games."
"What about movies?"
"Just access via your computer terminal, you will see a wide selection including what is currently on at the cinema."
We didn't get chance to ask any more as it was time for the next lesson. Language Studies was intense. I think it was that most intense lesson so far. We all had basic French but what we covered was in more detail. Not only did we have to know about the language but the people and culture.
"In three weeks I will be conducting the whole lesson in French," warned Mr Hill. "Your understanding and spoken French is more important in the short term than your written French. That will come naturally as you understand the language."
We had a twenty-minute break and then at eleven it was supposed to be a study period. So the other six students in year one went to the common room to discuss this morning's lessons.
Not so, for Helen and me, we had to discuss things with Rachel so we would only be able to discuss things for twenty minutes. As we walked into the common room, I snagged my shirtsleeve on the door handle and it ripped.
"Helen," I called. "I've just ripped my shirt; I'll be back in a few minutes."
"I'll go with you," she said. "The air conditioning in this building is a bit strong for me. I think I will grab a light jumper."
When we were changed, I decided to broach the subject that we'd both been avoiding all morning. "Helen," I started, as I walked into her room, "I'm sorry I slept in the same bed as you last night."
Helen turned round and looked at me. "So you won't do it again?"
Why did Helen have to phrase it like that? Then my Mum's words came echoing into my mind, "always be truthful with a girl".
"I'd like to," I shyly responded, not daring to look at her face, "but not if you don't want me to."
The ball was back in her court. She sat down on her settee and indicated that she wanted me to join her.
"David," she started, "there is something I need to tell you."
Oh my God, I'm for it now.
"Yes?" was all I could say.
"Two years ago you stopped seeing me around school. I didn't understand at the time and thought you didn't like me. I now know that wasn't the case. I had hoped that you might have thought of me as your girlfriend."
"WHAT!" I shouted out a bit too loudly. "Why didn't you say anything?"
"I was confused," she continued. "You know I did that research on transsexuals?"
I nodded, wondering where Helen was going with this conversation.
"Well, that didn't lessen what I thought I felt about you. In fact, it made it worse. So last night, knowing you cared, was the most wonderful thing ever."
Wow, she wasn't going to kill me, but what does she mean that it made it worse? Does she want me to be a girl?
"What do you mean, it made it worse? Are you saying you want me to be a girl, live as a girl or what?"
"I don't know," Helen confessed. "All I know is that two years ago I was devastated when we stopped talking. I just don't want to lose you again."
We sat there our arms round each other wondering what we've got involved in. Nothing was said, nothing needed to be said. We were no longer just study partners.
"We'd better get going," I eventually said, breaking the joyful silence that had enveloped us.
"I suppose so," Helen sighed, the world once again bigger than the two of us.
We walked to Rachel's office and arrived a few minutes early. Since Rachel was free, we went in early. Again, we were ushered to sit on the settee. I recon this was a good sign; they must reserve the chairs for naughty people. As we sat down, Helen's hand brushed against mine and our hands naturally joined.
Rachel sat down on the other settee and looked us over. "Since this morning, I presume you've had a chat with each other."
"Yes," we replied simultaneously. Perhaps this simultaneous response has something in it. I suddenly felt glad we thought on the same wavelength.
"And?"
Helen filled in Rachel on our conversation. However, she omitted the part about gender.
"There was more, wasn't there?" asked Rachel gazing at me.
I looked at Helen, who reluctantly nodded her head. "We discussed my gender and how it affected our relationship."
"Relationship?" queried Rachel
"I lost David two years ago, as he tried to protect himself from bullies. I don't want to lose him again."
"Aren't you a bit young to be in a relationship? You're both only thirteen and will be fourteen during this school year."
"You deliberately put together two people who are compatible and put them in a situation where they only had comfort from each other. How can you not expect that to spark something?" I retorted. "Helen and I have known each other for years; it's only natural that something would develop quicker between us, than normally happens."
"So you discussed David's gender?" asked Rachel backtracking. "Tell me more about that."
"I admitted to David that when I though he might be a transsexual, it increased my desire for him."
"Well you two are full of surprises," commented Rachel. "You are very open with each other; more than I would expect of children your age. So David, how do you feel about Helen's desires?"
I thought, reflected and then thought some more. "I don't know," I plaintively responded. "I wish I did. I never thought I could be any different from what I am. I had enough trouble at school without adding to it."
"Trouble?" queried Rachel. "Are you referring to you getting beaten up? Didn't that occur more than two years ago?"
"Yes," I responded quietly, remembering the sight of my bruised body in the mirror. "Stopping seeing Helen and any other girls helped the situation. I also learnt to observe other people which helped me avoid situations where I might get roughed up."
"Is that why you are so observant?"
"After a while watching people became second nature. It was a survival technique."
"So you discussed David's gender. What about Helen's gender, did you discuss that?" asked Rachel as she leaned forward. "David, how would you feel about Helen if she wanted to be a boy?"
Helen was about to say something, but a glare from Rachel shut her up. Does Helen want to be male? She is stronger than me and appears to enjoy certain items which would be classified as male jobs. However, does she want to be a boy? If she does, how do I feel about that? This morning Helen turned me on, would that happen if she was a he?
I closed my eyes and tried to see Helen as a boy or a man. I couldn't do it. Lewis was a very convincing boy but would Helen be so convincing? Would I be a convincing girl? WHAT? Where did that one come from?
Tears of frustration started to trickle down my cheeks. Helen let go of my hand and pulled me into her. Her arms wrapped around me. That felt so good.
"Why are you doing this to him?" asked Helen angrily at Rachel.
Rachel just ignored her. Eventually I opened my eyes and I simply said, "I don't know. Helen, if you close your eyes, can you see me as a girl?"
Helen didn't answer for a bit. When she realised we were waiting for an answer she responded, "Yes."
"And do you like what you see?" prompted Rachel.
"Yes," Helen reluctantly replied. "Sorry David."
"I can't see you as male. I tried but I can't. You have always been the strong one, the one who comforts me, like you are doing now. However, there is also a frightened girl in there, who also needs comfort. Just because someone likes to do what the opposite sex traditionally does, doesn't mean that they want or need to change sex."
"So Helen, you think David should be female and David, you feel that Helen shouldn't be male. Does that sum it up?"
Helen nodded, however I said, "No, that's not what I said. I said I couldn't see Helen as male. However, she should do what she feels is right for her."
"So what happens to your relationship if Helen wants to be male?"
I looked at Helen with fright. Does she want to be male?
"I don't know," I answered truthfully. "It may survive, it may not."
"David, what was your reaction this morning, to waking up next to Helen?"
"I was pleased and embarrassed."
"Why embarrassed?" queried Rachel.
"Because he had a hard on," giggled Helen, as I turned bright red.
"It's perfectly natural," reassured Rachel. "It isn't anything to be ashamed of. Did you like having an erection?"
What kind of question is that? Wait a minute, how did I feel? I like being with Helen, her in my arms or me in hers, but that isn't the question. How did I feel about having an erection? It was the first one I could remember having.
"I was embarrassed," I answered slowly, "but there was something else. I don't know how to describe it. I was happy having slept with Helen; she made me so fulfilled. The erection, I had totally different feelings about."
Helen tightened her grip on me and let her fingers gently caress me.
"Describe the feeling, close your eyes and try and think of this morning."
I closed me eyes, "I was embarrassed, I was also," I paused searching for the right words. "Disgusted, is the closest I can come up with. I felt sick."
"So you liked sleeping with Helen," confirmed Rachel, "you liked how you felt, but you didn't like your body's reaction?"
I nodded, dazed and confused. What was wrong with me? Am I ill?
"Helen, you have an appointment with Dr Sue in a few minutes. Since you all have to see the doctor at some stage; I'll see if she can fit David in at the same time."
"That was a very good session," said Rachel as we got up. "Most sessions for year one students are individual. Sessions with their partners don't normally occur till late year one or even not till year two. However, since you already have matured beyond being just study partners, I think future sessions should be with both of you."
We walked further down the corridor and entered through another door. All the doors were unmarked, so unless you knew where you were going you were reliant on the directions your PDA gave you.
"This is the waiting room," explained Rachel. There were standard chairs in here and the walls were covered with health advice posters. Yes, this looked and felt like a doctor's waiting room. There was interconnecting doors, which lead to the doctor's office. On the wall, next to the door was an electronic sign, which read 'Available'.
"If it is busy then just take a seat. If the sign says 'Available', then knock on the door and wait for a response. If the doctor isn't in her room then the sign automatically changes to 'Unavailable'."
Rachel knocked on the door and after hearing a "Come in" ushered Helen and me into the room. There was a desk in the corner where Dr Sue had a computer and a few medical instruments, such as a stethoscope and blood pressure cuffs. There was a medical bed against the opposite corner.
"Dr Sue, I'd like you to meet David Grant and Helen Jackson. Can you check out David after seeing Helen? I've sent you the details."
"Hang on," said Sue whipping out her PDA. She faced us so we wouldn't see what was written. I presume that is why she didn't use her computer. "That will be fine. Unless I find anything major, I should have them finished before lunch. David, can you please wait in the waiting room. Due to patient confidentiality, I only see one patient at a time. This rule applies to year five as well as year one."
Helen took a seat and I left with Rachel. Half an hour later Helen came out and before I could ask her anything, I was called in.
Dr Sue chatted away with me as she performed her medical tests. I watched her as she worked. She treated me better than any doctor I'd ever had. She appeared to have a heart and care about her patients. They weren't just another customer or statistic.
After all the tests and she had drawn several small tubes of blood we sat down. "Do I pass?" she asked.
"As both a women and a doctor," I answered. "I've never had a doctor be so thorough, caring and at the same time professional."
"Why thank you," smiled Dr Sue. "I try to be the best person and doctor that I can be. So how are you finding Hayfield Hall?"
"It's not what I was expecting," I said wondering how much I could say. I decided that it would be best to keep things on the public level. "Rachel and the other psychiatrists appear to be very caring. I've only had two lessons so far so I can't comment much, but the little I've had has covered more ground in one lesson that a month in my old school."
"What is your favourite subject?"
"Computers," I answered. "It appears the school has noticed that and have scheduled me with extra, more advanced, lessons."
"Is that with Julia Toms?"
"Yes, how did you know?"
"Julia and Jill are both patients of mine in Milton Keynes. You'll like them both. Jill is your age. Now let's get in Helen as there are a few things that I need to discuss with both of you."
I got up, opened the door and Helen came in. We sat down next to each other, our hands again automatically joining.
"Following a discussion I had with Helen, I have put a contraceptive implant into her upper arm. This will last three months before it needs replacing. For Helen the implant has several advantages; firstly, you don't have to remember to take the pill each day, second it starts working immediately. Now, I'm not saying you should jump into bed and have sex. Remember it is illegal to have sex under the age of sixteen. However, we are pragmatic and know that it sometimes happens. I'd prefer someone to be on contraception than have a baby at your age."
"Helen, I've sent you a link to a document covering possible side effects. I know we discussed them earlier, but it is there as a reminder. If you have any queries then please come and see me or the school nurse."
After saying goodbye, we went downstairs just in time to join the others as we trooped into the dining room.
"How did it go?" Lewis asked as we sat down.
"Fine," said Helen. "Apparently you will all have checkups with Dr Sue over the next few weeks."
"What's she like?" asked Sam.
"She is lovely, you couldn't ask for a nicer doctor," I gushed, "and yes Sam, you can't tell she wasn't born a women."
After we'd all demolished our deserts, Yvonne and two other students from year three came across. Wendy sat at the year three table looking very upset, knowing she didn't trust herself to talk with her brother.
"Hi Yvonne," I said. Then I remembered that the only people who knew who Yvonne is were Helen and I. "Everyone, this is Yvonne Freemen, she is Wendy's study partner."
"This is Tim Harper and his study partner Andrea....er. When they heard that Mr Hobson has been negligent, in not telling you about the recreational facilities, they jumped at the chance to show you around."
I glared at Yvonne, trying to understand her stumble. Now wasn't the time to ask, so I decided I'd tackle Tim and Andrea later.
"Shall we come to the year one common room after lessons have finished at three?" suggested Tim. "That will give us an hour before orchestra practice?"
We all nodded our agreements and they disappeared back to their table.
Afternoon lessons were not as intense as the morning. We had lessons in Geography and English. None of which were my strongest lessons but yet again, the teachers knew how to make them easy. Having to fake dumbness was something that appeared to have stopped me succeeding. Even Helen, who had not suffered like me, appeared to be getting more out of the lessons.
Later, in the common room, while we waited for Tim and Andrea, I showed the other six how to find the films. I know Yvonne had said there was a wide selection but this was far larger than I expected. Not only were there standard Hollywood films but also a lot of foreign films. Next, I pulled up the list of computer games; again, there were many games. Paula gave a big grin when she saw some of the titles.
There was a sharp knock on the door, as I was the closest I opened it. There stood Tim and Andrea. When the others noticed them, they came scampering across, eager to find out what this school offered outside of learning.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
First stop was the library. We went upstairs and turned right. Just down the corridor, there was a door on the right. Tim swung it open revealing a vast library. There were rows of shelves packed with books.
"Where's the librarian," queried Emma.
"There isn't one," answered Andrea. "Just get the books you want and scan them at the library computer. They will be booked out to you. There is no maximum lending period. If someone is interested in a title that is out, they can look up who has the book. You can perform a subject or title search through any computer terminal or your PDA."
I looked across at Helen, who had a big grin on her face. It was obvious that the love of books was another thing we shared. I wonder if there were any signed copies on these shelves. It wouldn't be normal for a school library but this school was nothing ordinary.
We came back out of the library and went through a door on the opposite side of the corridor. Here was a small theatre with a stage. The stage was setup ready for this afternoon orchestra practice.
"Next we go downstairs and onto the sports hall."
We went out of the backdoor and in the distance, we saw a modern building. We strolled along the tarmac path, the summer sun beating down on us. As we strolled along the other six in our year streamed ahead, eager to find out what facilities were there.
"Andrea, do you mind if I ask what your surname is?" I asked, remembering how Yvonne had refused to say it.
"I take it you're the David that Wendy and Yvonne talked about?"
I nodded.
"And since you are glued together, I presume you're Helen?"
Helen nodded and with a smile asked, "Are we famous?"
"Only for noticing things that year one student's shouldn't notice. Is it true that Rachel had to tell you everything?"
"Well if you mean the reasons behind the specialist skills and never being able to see our family again, then yes."
"You certainly know how to get yourselves a reputation," grinned back Andrea. "I've changed my surname, it is now Harper."
"You can't be sixteen yet, so you can't be married," surmised Helen.
"No, we went through a commitment ceremony. A lot of students, when they realise they are going to be with their partner for life go through this. Anyway, even if we were sixteen we couldn't get married. I'm not allowed to have my SRS till I'm eighteen."
"I'm sorry Andrea," I apologised. "I didn't realise"
"No need to apologise, I take it as a complement."
As we approached the sport hall, I noticed to the left of it were two tennis courts. There was a game of doubles going on We were soon inside the air-conditioned building. There we were shown the swimming pool, squash courts, fitness room and main sport hall. In the sport hall, there was badminton and table tennis.
"All the equipment needed such as racquets and balls can be found in the equipment room," explained Tim.
We strolled back to the main house for the orchestra practice. With only five minutes before we had to be there, we decided to be diligent students and get there early.
We entered through the side entrance and onto the stage. I said thank you and goodbye to Tim and Andrea as they wondered off. Since I had left my old school, the instrument that I borrowed from them had been returned. As expected, Mr Hobson was waiting with the instruments.
"Can all year one students please gather round," he requested.
When all eight of us were assembled, he started issuing the instruments. "Lewis, this is for you," Mr Hobson said handing a box to him.
Lewis looked confused, as he wasn't to play and instrument. He was to learn to be a conductor. For the next few weeks, he would observe while being taught the skill of conducting. Lewis opened the leather case and inside, cushioned by velvet padding, were two conductor batons.
Lewis picked each one up. "This second one is much heavier than the first", he commented.
"The light one is made of white oak and is a good starting baton," explained Mr Hobson. "The heavier one is one you would use at a concert; it is made out of an exotic wood called Cocobolo.
"I've never heard of that wood," admitted Lewis.
A middle-aged woman was walking across from the other side of the stage. She hurried along when she saw Mr Hobson beckon her across.
"It proper name is dalbergia retusa and can be found only in Central America with the best quality in Costa Rica. That's enough geography for now. Now let me introduce you to the schools music teacher, Mrs Russell."
"Hi all," she said. "Welcome to the school orchestra. I have looked over all you musical records and think, with practice, that you will all fit in well."
Mrs Russell then turned to me and said, "Are you Lewis?"
"No, I'm David," I said with a smile, "This is Lewis." I pointed to Lewis who gave a small wave.
"Oh," she flustered. "I'm sorry."
"Well Lewis," she said to the correct boy. "I've put a seat by the conductors stand so you can observe me closer. I'll try and explain why I do things as we go along."
The group broke up as we checked out our instruments. Just then, a young girl I'd not seen before came in; she was carrying an instrument case. A bit behind her were Rachel and an older looking woman.
"Helen," I said in a low voice, "do you think that is Jill and the older woman Julia?"
"I'm not sure, but more than likely," she replied. Helen then stood up and said to the girl who was now near us, "Hi, are you Jill?"
The girl stopped and looked surprised, "Yes, are you one of the new students?"
"Yes, we arrived yesterday. I'm Helen and this is David," she introduced. "I play the bassoon and David plays the horn."
Rachel caught up, "Julia, meet David and Helen."
"THE David and Helen? This is David who has been assigned to me to teach about computer system?"
"THE David and Helen?" I asked. "Rachel, have you been talking behind our backs?"
"No David, I just informed Julia that you surmised certain information and you both had been told certain things."
The way Rachel talked I presumed that Jill didn't know things but Julia did.
"Jill, are you stopping for something to eat afterwards?" Helen asked.
"Probably," Jill replied looking at Julia. "I normally sit with Julia on the guest table."
"You're our age, aren't you? Rachel, Julia, would it be possible for Jill to sit with us?" I asked.
"Ooh, can I Dad?" Jill asked excitedly.
Julia coughed a warning cough. "Sorry Julia, but can I?" asked Jill again
"I have no objection," Julia said, "but it isn't up to me. Ask Mr Hobson."
Jill skipped off to find the headmaster.
"I'll see you on tomorrow," said Julia as she went off with Rachel.
Mrs Russell tapped the conductors stand and said, "Seats everyone, lets get going."
Each chair had a first name and year on it. I found mine and sat down. Being a brass player, I was seated towards the back, so yet again had a good view of the goings on. Only the percussion players would have a better view.
"On your stands should be three pieces of music that we are going to start learning; Beethoven's first symphony, Schubert's third symphony, and Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture."
The practice was the most exhausting thing I'd ever done. I thought I played quite well but I could see that I had lots of practice to do. We'd run through the two symphonies as they weren't technically that challenging. In between the first two pieces I looked around at the students. Music was something that sung in all our hearts. There was no idle gossiping and slacking, this was something that brought the school together, a shared single passion away from the existence we had lived our earlier lives in.
There was a slight delay in starting practicing the 1812 Overture, as they had to improvise something for the cannon. For a live concert, we would have one but not for rehearsals. Mrs Russell came up with idea of putting a microphone in between two pillows inside a base drum. When Andrea, who was one of the percussionists, stuck the drum the sound that came out of the speaker sounded like a muffled cannon. It would do for practice.
As the music faded from the first full run through of the 1812 Overture, I thought I'd gone to heaven and hell at the same time. My ears were shot with the volume the orchestra managed to produce at the end. Having the timpani just behind me didn't help, nor did the amount of volume the tuba player managed to effortlessly produce. I'm sure the stage vibrated during the last eight bars. My ears might still be ringing and my lips might feel like they were going to fall off, but my soul was singing. Playing such exhilarating music just left me on a high. The passion that the orchestra gave the music made me feel so alive, so together with the school. We weren't forty school children; we were a single heart giving life to music.
At the end of the practice, we all folded up our stands and put them away. We put our instruments in our year's common room before heading for the dining room. Jill had put her instrument inside the common room as well, so I got chatting as we wandered across to the dining room.
"So Jill, how long have you been helping with the orchestra?" asked Helen.
"Since March," Jill replied. "Julia has been working part time here for over a year."
"And the company she works for doesn't mind?" I asked rather surprised.
"I'm not sure why and Julia has told me not to ask."
We arrived at the dinning room and Dan moved across one seat so that Jill could sit next to me. Someone must have informed the dinning staff, as Jill's meal was already on one of the year one trolleys.
"It's nice to be able to mix with children my own age here," Jill said, as I tackled my cottage cheese salad. "I was always at least a year younger than anyone else here and I had trouble fitting in."
During dessert, I plucked up the courage to whisper to Jill, "Do you mind if I ask you something personal?"
"I may refuse to answer, but ask away," she replied in equally hushed tones.
"How did you know that Jill was right for you?"
Jill thought for a moment and said, "It's quite a story and it's going to take longer than this meal. It might also look suspicious if I spend ages talking to just you. Why don't, after the meal, I tell you my entire story. That should help not just you, but others in this year that might be confused."
"Julia won't mind?" I asked.
Jill just giggled, "No, it'll be good for her to catch up with some items here. My sister Beth was staying with friends, so there isn't any problem."
"What about your Mum?" I asked.
"Mum died at the beginning of January," Jill said sadly. "It's all part of how I became Jill."
I put my hand onto hers, "You okay?"
"I think so," she replied. "I've not really talked about this, so if I'm emotional then please forgive me."
"Do you have anyone special?"
"Oh yeah, there is a very special person called Anna. I wouldn't have survived without her."
"So why didn't you come to this school?" I asked. "With Julia helping here, I'm sure they would have got you in."
"I don't need to come here," she explained. "There are a lot more people, such as you, who need this school. Who out of the eight shouldn't have come so I could be admitted?"
"Oh, I hadn't thought of that."
"And I wouldn't have come without Anna. It would have broken her heart that she couldn't see her parents again."
"Until she was eighteen," I added.
"Oh yes, of course, not until she was eighteen," Jill confirmed, looking meaningfully at me.
After dessert, Jill went to talk to Julia about her socialising a bit with us. She wasn't going to mention what she was going to discuss, as Jill didn't want to worry Julia.
After the meal had all been cleared away, we disappeared into the confines of the year one common room.
"What does everyone want to do this evening," asked Paula.
"I've been told that you were informed that I was born a boy called Bill," Jill started. "I was told that you might find it helpful if I explain how and why I decided to live as Jill."
All of us made interested sounds, so we moved the settee's round so that we could be cosier. When all the furniture was rearranged, we sat down. Helen sat on a three-seat settee with me on one side; Jill sat on the other.
"Please don't ask questions till I'm done. I've never told people this before and I know parts will be difficult."
For two hours, Jill opened up her life to us all. Eventually it was too much and she couldn't say anymore, her tears were affecting her speech too much. She just broke down and cried over the loss of her mother. Helen had grabbed Jill and held her in her arms, but nothing appeared to calm her down.
"Emma," I hissed, "can you help Helen while I see if any of the psychiatrists can help."
After I slipped into the hall, I called Rachel, using the PDA as a cordless phone. "Rachel, do you know if Jill is under any of the psychiatrists here?"
"Not officially," Rachel replied, "though Julia came under me when I joined. Why?"
"Jill just started telling us her story including the death of her mother. She said she has never told anyone before and it looks like she has just released six months of bottled up emotions."
"I'm on my way," she said. "Who is comforting her?"
"It was mostly Helen because Jill prefers the comfort of a girl. Emma is helping."
"Emma might not be the best to help," said Rachel breathlessly as she ran down the stairs, her shoes in her hands.
When she appeared outside the year one common room Rachel said, "I've tried to get hold of Julia but her PDA is unavailable. She said earlier that she was preparing some lessons for you, so she is probably hooked into the hacking network. Her PDA then won't be able to register where she is in the building and she could be anywhere. I'm giving you permission to hack the school network to track down Julia while I try and talk to Jill. Do you mind if I let Helen comfort Jill?"
"Hack the network?" I squeaked. "The systems here are very sophisticated."
"Aren't you up to it?" she goaded.
"I'll try," I said, wondering how I was going to achieve the result.
"What about Helen?"
"That is up to her," I said, "but Jill certainly needs someone. Jill has a girlfriend who helped her become Jill. Her name is Anna. Anna's father, George, is friends with Julia and is the personnel director at the company Julia works for."
"I don't want Jill away from professional help till she has recovered a bit. If Anna gets involved, it would have to be here. We need to speak with Julia first and if Anna is going to come here for a day then Mr Hobson needs to agree to it. I'm going to clear the common room," said Rachel, explaining her plan. "Since you're going to be doing things that we don't want to explain to other people, it will have to be just you and Helen."
"Okay," I agreed. "Yesterday it was explained that there was someone in year two that was an expert in network communications. I will need to get the computer terminal patched and that person will probably be quicker than I'll be."
"Ingrid, this is Rachel. We have a large problem and need your help immediately in the year one common room. Bring your network gear as soon as possible and please keep this between you and Fran."
I went into the common room. Jill was still a bubbling mess. Helen was comforting as best as she could and Emma was trying to help but wasn't succeeding much.
"I need to talk privately with Jill. Would you all be kind enough to visit the library? Helen, can you stay as Jill doesn't want to let go?"
"Will you let us know that she is okay?" asked Emma.
"I will send you all a message later," confirmed Rachel as they disappeared out of the door.
A few moments later, there was a knock and I let in Ingrid. "I need to track down Julia," I explained quietly so Jill wouldn't hear. "However, it looks like Julia has patched herself into the hacking network. I need to gain access to that network to get a message to her. Can you patch this terminal into that network?"
"I take it you're David?" she said with a grin. "What a start you're having."
Ingrid removed some panels and pulled out a special network lead from the case she brought with her. "The hacking network has the network wires twisted so you can't connect to the network by accident," she explained as she worked. She then pulled out her PDA, "The switch is computer controlled so we have to pass into the switch and redirect to a different virtual LAN so you can connect through the router."
A few clicks later and she was finished. "I hope you're good at this. Julia knows lots of tricks, so you aren't going to have an easy job."
"Nothing like filling me with confidence," I lamented. "I'll give you a shout when I'm finished. Julia is going to kill me for this anyway and I don't want to muck up her network by attempting to undo your magic."
Ingrid left and all that were left in the room was Helen, who was holding Jill, Rachel and me. I tried to shut out what Rachel was saying to Jill as I made my first forage into the network. After twenty minutes, I was sweating. I understood the system I was on, but the defences were difficult to penetrate. I needed a lower level of access so I could hop onto Julia's protected PDA and display a message.
So far, I'd tried to be sneaky so not to worry Julia but that wasn't getting me anywhere. I decided to rattle one of the defences to see Julia's reaction. Her reaction was swift but I saw what she'd done. It gave me a method of bypassing certain checks. Ten minutes later, I had the message "Julia emergency. Contact Rachel, Helen or David urgently" displayed on the console. I even caused the PDA to vibrate and chirp just for added effect. Okay, I was showing off.
Three seconds later Rachel's PDA rang. Rachel moved away from Jill towards me so Jill wouldn't hear the conversation. "Julia, Jill decided to tell the year one students about how she became Jill. She broke down when she discussed Carol's death. Please don't come in but wait outside the door. I have Jill a bit calmer but if she sees you then she might get worse again. Did Anna help her in January? She did? Okay, we will need to see Quentin."
"Jill, I need to sort some things out for you. I'll be back in a few minutes. Helen will stay with you. David, can you come with me please."
I looked at Helen who nodded, so I followed Rachel out of the door.
"Rachel," I asked as we waited for Julia to appear. "Why are you keeping Helen and me in the loop on this?"
"Students help each other. Jill trusts Helen enough to be held and Jill trusts you enough to tell you things that she hasn't told anyone else."
Just then, Julia arrived and straight away, she asked, "Tell me what we can do about Jill?"
"I recommend that we get Anna down here. Will her parents mind?"
"Well George, Anna's father, knows I help out here. He knows the public face of the school but isn't aware of the nature of the field trips."
"Jill knows more though," I interrupted. "She indicated she knew that students were isolated from families, not till they were eighteen, but forever. I asked her why she wasn't a student at Hayfield Hall and she said because she would have to bring Anna and the separation for Anna's parents would be too much."
"Let's go and see Mr Hobson and see if Jill and Anna can stay till Jill is a bit better," suggested Rachel to Julia. "I'll keep what you said David, to myself. Jill has enough to worry about right now and I think if she was going to tell anyone she would have spilled the beans by now."
"I'll get Ingrid back so we can restore the common room back to normal," I offered which Rachel and Julia readily accepted.
Ingrid had just finished restoring the normal network connections and I was walking out of the door when Rachel and Julia appeared. "Well done you two," said Julia. "I want a full report from both of you in my email account by tomorrow morning at ten. I want to know how you did it and why you did what you did."
"Yes Julia," we both agreed.
"So what's happening?" I asked as Ingrid disappeared.
"Anna will be here in twenty minutes. Looking at the maps the A5 looks to be clear, so it shouldn't take as long as it usually does."
"Can Jill and Anna leave when Jill is better?"
"They shouldn't see anything unusual apart from a very well equipped school. Therefore, there shouldn't be any trouble there. Jill has been coming here for months."
"Jill is still going to be upset," I surmised.
"Yes," agreed Rachel. "She probably is."
I went back into the study to spend time with Helen and Jill. I didn't mention what was happening and they didn't ask. We just sat, hugged, and cried together. After fifteen minutes, I excused myself.
I saw Rachel and Julia by the front hall. "Security has just let the car in through the gates," said Julia.
"Does Anna know about the school?" I asked.
"No, she doesn't even know the public part," replied Julia. "I told George not to tell her. It is something we will do ourselves, or rather something that you will tell her. It's best coming from the students."
"No wonder that even the year two students seem mature," I laughed.
"Taking personal responsibility is very important. It doesn't mean that you lose your childhood, but it helps you see yourself as who you want to be and not who other people want you to be."
We heard the sound of a car approaching and soon a car drew up outside the school. George hopped out of the car, looked around and shook his head in wonder at the site of the school.
"Some place," George said, approaching Julia.
"I hope you don't mind if I don't invite you inside," said Julia. "We had new students start yesterday and some are quite skittish."
"I'm sure they are," he replied. "Will Anna be safe here?"
"Of course," Julia replied. "The students aren't dangerous. Some just have issues to overcome, like I did and Jill did. Jill and I weren't dangerous, were we?"
"No," he agreed.
"George, let me introduce you to Rachel. She is the lead psychiatrist here. She has been trying to help Jill after Jill suddenly decided to tell her story to the other students. She got as far as Carol's death when it became too much."
"Anna certainly helped Jill last time," mused George. "Well she was Bill then, but they are the same person."
George returned to his car and started to remove Anna's suitcase. "Anna won't need that," explained Rachel. "We provide all the clothes for the children."
"But Anna isn't a student here," George said.
"True, but it will help her fit in if she has similar style clothes to the other students."
"Okay," he said, putting the suitcase back. He opened Anna's door and she climbed out.
"Where is she?" Anna asked Julia.
"David, one of our new students, will take you to her," said Rachel. "Say bye to your Dad."
After Anna gave her Dad a quick kiss on his cheek, she followed me into the school. Anna gasped when she saw the décor. It certainly wasn't what she had expected.
"What is this place?" she asked in awe at the sight of the expensive paintings hung on the wall.
"Hayfield Hall," I replied with a grin. "It's a school for children who have difficulty fitting in at school, which affects their education. Some of the students are transsexuals, others not. Now what happens here is not to be discussed outside of this school. Your Dad is aware of some of what I just told you. However, he is not aware of some of the methods of the school. What you see and do in this school must never be discussed with anyone outside the school. Jill knows some of it but not all."
"Okay," she said. "I'm used to transsexuals, due to knowing Jill and Julia. I won't discuss the school with anyone, not even Jill."
"Students are paired with a compatible student. They are study partners and are there for each other in all circumstances. Study partners have adjoining rooms and it isn't unknown for them to fall asleep in the same room if they are emotionally distressed. That isn't a problem as long as you both keep on your underwear. Now Jill is very distressed, so nobody here is going to mind. Jill is your study partner and there are no secrets between study partners for anything, so anything you see at the school you can discuss with her."
"It sounds a very liberal school," commented Anna. "I thought the school I go to was great for allowing Jill, but this makes my school look bigoted."
"It is like this due to necessity. Many students, me included, didn't actually live their lives before coming here, we just existed. We need the freedom to be able to live and to decide who or what we want to be. There is a lot more to this school, which I can't tell you. I think Jill knows more than she should and will try to shield you from that. She is going to be very upset to see you here, so be warned."
I opened the door to the common room and I walked in followed by Anna. When Anna saw Jill crying in Helen's arms, she rushed across to her. Helen was about to let go of Jill when I shook my head.
"Anna," cried Jill when she saw her. "What are you doing here? You can't stay here. You must go immediately."
"Anna is going to stay with you," I said firmly as Jill struggled in Helen's strong arms. "You need her. She is your study partner. Anyway, you're not a fulltime student here and you can both go home when you've got yourself sorted."
Anna approached Jill and Helen released her grip. Anna cuddled with Jill on the settee while Helen sat next to me on the settee opposite. Jill started to calm down. The effect that Anna had was astounding. You could see that they were not just study partners but that was something I was not going to mention.
"The lady with Julia said you were new," commented Anna as she stroked Jill's face. "I thought you'd be breaking up for the summer holidays and going home to your families. We finish this week."
Helen shuddered a bit and I put my arm round her. "Jill will explain," I said.
"Helen, David and six other students arrived yesterday. They live here full time and don't go home to their families."
"So when will they see them again," she asked.
"When they're eighteen," lied Jill.
"Jill," I warned. "You have to be one hundred percent truthful with Anna. I know that you know more than you're supposed to."
Jill looked at me with daggers and then nodded as she thought about the situation. "They will never see their families again."
I felt Helen shudder in my arms and I could tell she was near breakdown.
"Why?" asked Anna. It was a simple question and not one that I was going to answer.
Jill opened her mouth and I quickly interjected, "If you and Jill don't want to be a student here, then don't ask that question."
Jill closed her mouth and then mouthed, "Thank you."
"It isn't something you discuss with other students," I said. "Year one students aren't told this information till later on. Helen and I know because I'm too observant and guessed certain things. I was reluctant to tell Helen because I knew she was close to her family but Rachel told me about sharing and it worked out for the best."
Helen and I suddenly heard a "ting" from our PDA's. There was an urgent message to all students': "Six months ago Jill's mother was killed when a drunk driver crashed into her car. Jill was with her mother when she died. Jill has bottled up her emotions and not discussed her feelings with anyone. Tonight she talked about it for the first time and broke down. Since Jill has given so much to this school by playing in the orchestra, we decided it would be best for her to stay here where there is professional help. Jill will be staying with a girl called Anna who is the best person to help her over these issues. Jill and Anna will be here a few days."
"Rachel has just informed the students of you staying here for a few days," said Helen.
"Rachel was the lady with Julia," I said seeing Anna's puzzled face.
"Do all students have PDA's?" asked Anna, her eyes wide open.
"Yes," I replied, not telling her of some of the other facilities. There was no point in making her jealous or wanting to stay.
"Rachel is organising a pair of rooms for you."
We chatted quietly for a few minutes, when there was a knock on the door. Helen got up and let Rachel in.
"Well you certainly look better," smiled Rachel at Jill. "Do you want to chat some more tonight or start tomorrow?"
"Tomorrow please," begged Jill. "I don't think I could cope with more emotional upheaval."
"David and Helen will show you your room and make sure your okay. They will collect you in the morning and after breakfast, show you to my office. Both of the rooms are fully equipped with clothes in the correct sizes."
"How do you know my sizes?" asked Anna.
"There was talk about allowing ten students instead of eight. We even have a table that can seat twelve," was all Rachel would say before leaving us.
I pulled out my PDA and sure enough, there were two rooms marked for Jill and Anna. As we walked down the corridors to the bedrooms, we were as quiet as we could be so not to disturb anyone trying to sleep.
"This is your room Jill," I said opening the door. "If we all go in here then Helen and I can explain things. Anna can get to her room from yours."
As they looked around Jill looked in the wardrobe, "Oh my god!" she exclaimed and then covered up her mouth. "There has got to be some mistake."
"Boys clothes on the left, androgynous clothes at the back and female on the right," Helen said.
Anna just gapped. "Are all rooms like this?" she asked.
"Yes."
Inside the bathroom was a black bag. "It looks like the clothing rules apply for our guests," I said, showing her the bag.
"Okay Jill and Anna, this is going to sound real strange. During your short stay, you are only allowed to wear clothes that are provided. That includes underwear. You must put your clothes and jewellery in the black bag and deposit it down the chute."
"Okay," said a worn out Jill. Anna was in too bewildered to comment.
"Oh and before we leave you we are just opposite you. My door is just opposite Jill's. Helen's door is just opposite Anna's. We will come by tomorrow morning at about seven to make sure you're okay."
I followed Helen into my room and collapsed on to the bed. I was exhausted.
"I hope this place calms down," said Helen as she walked into her room. "I can't cope with many more days like this."
"I recon this is nothing compared to when we go on a field trip," I answered, getting off the bed to clean my teeth.
"Yours or mine?" I asked, hoping that Helen would understand the question and not mind that I was asking.
"Yours," Helen answered. "I think you could do with a nice cuddle."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Drew Bond character has been used with kind permission of Maddy Bell
Part 6
I awoke, held close in Helen's warm comforting arms. Her heart was gently beating, as she slept through the alarm. I tried to move out of her strong arms without disturbing her but I failed.
"Hi," she said, releasing her grip.
I turned round and saw her radiant face. Her smile lit up my heart and I started to get the same problem as yesterday.
"Hi, to you too," I said, trying but failing to think pure thoughts.
"Are you okay," she said as she saw my face.
"I think so," I replied, my face crumpling. "Oh, I'm not okay, I'm so sorry."
"What's wrong?" asked Helen, reaching out to me.
"I need to take a shower," I replied, mortified at my incapacity to control myself.
"Ah yes," said Helen. "We do need to get ourselves ready. We're meeting Jill and Anna in thirty minutes."
Helen clambered out of bed and disappeared through the connecting door into her room, leaving me alone in bed. Grateful that she didn't see my embarrassing situation, I climbed out of the bed and went to shower.
As I showered, I thought back to last night's revelation by Jill. I still didn't understand how she knew that she wanted to live as a girl. I hope she eventually feels up to telling me what happened after her mother died.
At seven, Helen and I knocked on Anna's door. She and Jill didn't look very well slept. "How long did you stay up chatting about things?" I asked.
"Till gone three," said Anna, stifling a yawn.
"I hope Rachel doesn't mind that I didn't talk to her about it last night," said Jill, slightly worried. "I just wanted to sleep but I couldn't. Things that I hadn't said, or even thought about, came up"
"I wouldn't worry," I said, giving Jill a hug. "Why do you think Anna was here? She is someone you know and someone you trust. Do you think you'll find it easier to talk with Rachel, now that you've talked things through with Anna?"
"I hope so," replied Jill, perking up a bit.
"The clothes seem to fit you both really well," commented Helen.
"Yes," replied Anna. "I normally struggle to find good fitting clothes. I don't know where they got these ones from, but it's like they were made for me."
I exchanged a glance with Helen and I made a mental note to ask Rachel more questions.
"Do you need to let Erika know that you're here?" I asked, thinking back to Jill's chat last night.
"Erika's Dad got transferred back to America a few months ago, so Erika had to move again," Anna explained. "The American company isn't doing very well and they were hoping that he'd be able to repeat the success he had with the English division."
"There's a little time for breakfast," said Helen, rapidly changing the subject. "Jill, you met the year one students yesterday and they are quite worried about you. Do you think you'll be up to showing your face in the common room, before breakfast? Just to let them know that you're okay."
Jill stood there, unsure if she could do it. "I'll be with you," reassured Anna, putting her arm round Jill. "You'll be on the same table for meals anyway."
"That's true," admitted Jill. "Let's go."
As we went out, I noticed Helen click a few things on her PDA. "They'll all be there in a few minutes," whispered Helen to me as I shut Anna's door.
"Why don't I show you where Rachel's office is?" I offered. "We don't want you getting lost."
"How do you know where everything is?" asked Jill.
"Our PDA's have complete maps," I explained. "I can also ask it to direct me somewhere."
Since we had gone the long way to the year one common room, the other six students where all there. As Jill went through the door, they all surged towards her.
"Give her space," Helen ordered, shooing them back.
"Are you feeling better?" Emma asked Jill.
"I little," answered Jill, sitting down. "Thank you all for being so understanding. Last night was the first time I've been able to talk about some of the things that happened. Months of repressed emotions suddenly surfaced which I couldn't deal with. Now that I'm starting to deal with things, hopefully that won't happen again."
"Jill has some sessions with Rachel this morning," I explained. "Until it's known that Jill is over the worst, she will be staying as a guest. Now, let me introduce you to Anna. You know of Anna, from what Jill told you last night. Anna will be staying with Jill to help comfort her if it all gets too much. Now Anna, let me introduce you to this lot. We have Emma, Paula, Brian, Lewis, Richard and Sam."
"Hi all," said Anna giving a small smile. "You must all be very special for Jill to tell you what she did. She hasn't talked about her mother's death since it occurred. Thank you for being there for her."
"It's breakfast time," announced Lewis. I'm sure that boy never stops eating. I know we are all growing children but he's always hungry.
The ten-seat table had been replaced with a twelve-seat version, so there was enough room for everyone. We sat down, waiting for the bell to ring. Before it did, I noticed Stacy rise. Others must have noticed, as the room suddenly fell quiet. "We'd all like to welcome Anna as a guest at this school. Thank you for being here for Jill."
The whole school, including year one, rose to their feet and applauded Anna, who went bright red. Jill smiled remembering the day, months ago, that she had the school welcome.
"Okay, enough," said Mr Hobson from the year five table. The bell rang and Helen and I went to get any cooked breakfasts.
During the breakfast, Tracy chatted away with all of us. Her questions didn't seem to be as probing as Dan's had during yesterday's breakfast. The conversation generally centred on yesterday's orchestra practice and the pieces we were learning.
"David and Helen," said Tracy, leaning across the table. "Mrs Russell is aware that you will be late for music, so there is no need to worry."
"Thanks Tracy," I replied.
"Welfare of students always comes first," she replied. "I've not heard much about what happened last night, but Rachel said you did the right thing. Well done."
I looked across at Helen; we were both blushing. "I don't think that I did anything different from anyone else," I said.
"Nor me," agreed Helen.
"You all did well," agreed Tracy.
After breakfast, we had five minutes before lessons started. After a hail of good lucks, Helen and I took our guests to Rachel's office. We had shown Jill and Anna where it was but we had promised Rachel we would escort them. I know that Jill was trusted much more than other guests were. Anna was an unknown, so the school probably didn't like them being allowed to roam the school just in case they saw something that they shouldn't.
When Helen and I left Rachel's office, we had missed a few minutes of Music. Mrs Russell dissected the three works we were given yesterday, trying to get us to understand what she wanted portrayed. "We will rehearse these pieces till next week," said Mrs Russell. "Next Wednesday you will be given three new ones to learn. Giving us a nice flexible repertoire for any concerts we might give."
"We give concerts?" asked Paula.
"Oh yes," replied Mrs Russell. "Our field trips involve giving concerts in foreign countries. It is good practice for you to play in top class venues. This school is virtually unknown in England but in some countries Hayfield Hall Music School is renowned for its top class performances."
I almost choked when Mrs Russell referred to us as a music school. I suppose that was the impression that they gave to the countries that we played in.
"How many field trips are planned?" I asked innocently.
"I believe two are planned for the next twelve months. One is to France, which is why you are busy learning French. The next one I know is booked but I haven't been told the destination yet."
Next were computer studies, which is my favourite subject. "You all probably know by now who I am. Most teachers prefer you to refer to them as Mr so-in-so or Mrs so-in-so. I don't feel that is appropriate when it's just students. So during lessons please call me Julia. However, if we are on field trips then it is Ms Toms."
This lesson I found quite basic as I was already well past many of the topics being discussed. However, Julia was well prepared for that and I was roped into assisting if any of the other seven had queries. During none practical parts of the class, Julia had assigned me extra self-learning exercises.
At eleven, some had study period; I had my specialization lesson. Helen had self-study. This was the first time since we had arrived in the school that we had been separated. After the fifteen-minute break, Helen walked me to the room shown on the PDA. "Have fun," she said giving me a heart-stopping kiss full on my lips.
I walked into the classroom, my eyes slightly glazed over. Julia who was waiting steered me to the desk I would be working on.
"When you've recovered," she said with a small grin, "let's discuss your little hacking last night. I've read your report and there are places where we both could have done better. So let's go through it in more detail."
The next half an hour was spent talking about last night and what I might have done. Julia was very humble and we also looked at things she could have done better. "You managed to penetrate the system which was good. However, you alerted me to your actions, which wasn't."
"Therefore, there are two pieces of homework. The first is to improve your stealth skills; the second is to start researching other systems, which so far you haven't experienced. You will find tonight a list of required reading. I also expect you to read around the systems, so you have a wider knowledge of them. Once you have reached a certain level of knowledge, I'll let you loose on that type of system."
As the lesson ended I asked, "How do you manage to get so much time off work, to help here?"
Julia smiled, "The American division isn't doing very well and was offered a good price to sell its UK division. Yesterday the UK division was taken over and there were two IT directors; I lost out."
"So does that mean that you will be working here fulltime?"
"Yes, so there is no chance of you slacking and getting away with things like last years students," teased Julia. "Now, why don't we finish ten minutes early as I believe you're going to collect Jill from Rachel's office. Please pass this warning on to Helen; I don't think Jill is going to be in a happy mood."
So it was with trepidation that Helen and I went to collect Jill and Anna. Just as Julia had predicted, Jill was not a happy girl. Anna just looked pensive. When Julia had said Jill wouldn't be happy I expected tears, but that wasn't the case. Jill was angry, tinged with a mixture of worry and concern.
"What's wrong Jill?" I asked, as we walked down the stairs.
Jill just shook her head, muttering to herself.
"Let's find a bench outside," suggested Helen. "We have a few minutes before lunch."
Outside we found a secluded bench and sat down. "Anna, since Jill is upset can you explain what has upset her?"
"The school offered Jill a fulltime student position. If she accepts then I can join her. Academically it would be good for both of us. However, Jill has worries about us losing contact with our families. She is in a unique position in that she would still see Julia, but she worries about not seeing Beth."
"Beth's her sister?" asked Helen, trying to remember what Jill had said the previous night.
"Yes," confirmed Anna, as Jill sat there stewing. "Beth was in a coma after the accident and Jill was devastated, not just at the loss of her mother but not knowing if Beth would survive. Since Beth woke up, they have been very close ever since."
"I can't leave Beth," said Jill adamantly, "and I can't ask Anna to leave her parents. Her parents would never forgive me or Julia, if they never saw their only daughter again."
"So refuse," I said simply. "Turn down their offer."
"I already have," said Jill. "However, it still upsets me that they made the offer. They knew I would never accept."
With Jill calming down, we ventured in for lunch. As we ate, Tracy could sense the tension emanating from Jill and made sure the conversation stayed on neutral subjects.
As the meal ended, Jill was a lot more herself. Anna however, was still tense. The question "Are you stopping tonight?" from Paula made me worry about how Jill would react but I needn't have worried.
"No," she replied. "Rachel has deemed me stable enough to go home. However, I know I've a long way to go. I haven't been dealing with Mum's death so I have a lot to think about. I'll be back for tomorrow's orchestra practice, so you can't get away from me that easily."
"I won't be here for that," said Anna. "You've been really good to both Jill and me. Thank you all."
"How are you getting back?" asked Richard.
"Julia will take us home," Jill replied. "However, she has a lesson to teach first."
"After lunch, year one have language studies, which at the moment is French," said Tracy, looking at her PDA. "Let me check to see if it is okay if you join them while you wait for your ride back."
A minute later, it was all confirmed. Jill and Anna would join us for French.
When we walked into the classroom the first thing I noticed was the additional desk and chairs. Whoever the school caretakers were, they were efficient. It had been less than ten minutes since Tracy had arranged it.
"You must be Anna," said Mrs King. "Quand tu étais petite, il me semble que tu as vécu en France pendant un an. Comment est ton Français?"
"Je me débrouille", replied Helen. "On restait dans un gá®te la plupart des années, alors ça m'aide a pas perdre ce que j'ai appris."
"Not bad," said Mrs King reverting to English, "and your accent doesn't sound very English."
Brian was good at languages and spoke French much better than the other students in year one. Anna however, had the advantage that she had lived and holidayed there. As the lesson progressed, I began to wonder if the school was inviting Jill to be a student so they could get Anna's language skills. I'm sure it is inconvenient for the school having Jill as a guest, as it must restrict some of the things said or done. So perhaps I'm being unfair.
After French, it was time to say goodbye to Anna and Jill. Jill would be back tomorrow evening for orchestra practice. As we left the room, Helen's PDA beeped.
"Julia has sent a note," said Helen, peering at her PDA. "Jill and Anna's clothes are waiting for them in their rooms. Once they are changed, we are to take them to the car park, where Julia should be waiting."
"What about the next class?" I asked, hoping it had been cancelled. I'd always hated PE at my previous school and hoped that we might not have it here.
"It looks like it has been delayed by twenty minutes," Helen replied, looking at their schedules.
It only took Anna and Jill ten minutes to get changed back into their clothes they had come to the school the previous day. Anna had back on her earrings that she'd worn when she had arrived.
"They even washed them for us," grinned Anna, as we walked down to the car.
"It was nice meeting you," I said, giving Anna a farewell hug. "Take care of Jill."
"I will," she said, "and it was nice meeting you as well."
Helen said her goodbyes to Anna. There was no point in saying to much to Jill, as we would see her tomorrow.
"Take care," I said to Jill, as she climbed into the car. "See you tomorrow."
With them both safely in the car, Julia drove slowly down the drive and disappeared into the distance. As we walked back, I noticed that most students appeared to have watched Jill and Anna's departure from upstairs windows. It had certainly been an interesting twenty-four hours.
Once back inside, I noticed it was nearly time for PE and slowed down. Helen immediately noticed this and said, "I know you didn't like PE. However, nothing in this school was like our old school. I bet they do PE differently as well. With only eight of us, we aren't going to play many competitive sports. Anyway we were told to go to one of the classrooms and not the sports area."
"That's true," I said perking up a bit. "I'll make an effort."
Before we could get to class, we bumped into Rachel. "You both did very well," said Rachel. This comment gave me a nice warm glow inside. It was the kind of comment that I'd never got at my previous school, or from my parents.
"So will Jill be okay?" I asked.
"Well, talking about her mother is a good first step," explained Rachel. "However, it just moves her forward to talking about Dr Patel. It is very important that she talks about that."
"Who is Dr Patel?" asked Helen.
"Dr Patel was a specialist who Bill was sent to see to try and cure him of his medical problem. This was before Bill had told his father about wanting to be Jill. However, I'm not going to say anymore as that should come from Jill. Now hadn't you better get to your next class?"
Just as we were about to leave, a warning siren sounded. The sound wasn't deafening but it certainly grabbed my attention.
Rachel had her PDA out before I could ask what was going on. "Look," she barked into it. "It is just a pair of panties. Override and let it go. I'll get Julia to bring them back tomorrow. Just don't send a security team there or we'll just have a lot more explaining to do."
A few seconds later, the sirens stopped and the tranquillity of the building was restored.
"What was that," I gaped, trying to come to terms with what had just happened.
"Oh, that was security," said Rachel, as if it explained everything. "Weren't you off to your class?"
"Ah great, you're here," said Mr Yates as we entered the room. With all the looking after our guests, we were often late.
"Sorry," Helen and I said together, as we sat down.
"No need," he said with a grin. "It was understood that you were escorting our guests. Look, some of you might have had this talk, some might not, but here is my take on things. Hayfield Hall is setup to help you get the best education possible. The tests you took indicated that this school would be able to help you. Some of you will encounter stressful situations, which might cause you grief, which is why you are in pairs. You also have the backup of the support team. The health of the students is the top priority in this school, then education, then other things. Jill stayed as a guest due to having a breakdown over her mother's death. It is understood those issue come first and you might be late for lessons, or even have to miss them. If there is an issue like that, just make sure someone is aware or someone might worry about you. Does that make sense?"
All eight of us nodded away.
"Good," said Mr Yates. "I 'm aware that some of you probably found sport and PE difficult subjects. However, you all require some exercise and we do have to conform to certain rules laid down by the Department of Education."
There was slight mutterings of dissatisfaction as we realised that we would have to do PE. My thoughts drifted back to a few weeks ago, where I was always the last one picked. The teasing I'd get about how I threw a cricket ball still haunted my memories.
"Hayfield Hall is situated on quite a large plot of land and we have created and marked certain routes for running or cycling," continued Mr Yates. "If you decide to cycle or run, it is up to you. However, the cycle tracks aren't that wide, so I don't care if there are any budding Drew Bond's, there will be no racing."
I saw some of the others in the class start to get excited about not having competitive sports. Lewis, however, looked slightly disappointed.
"The running or cycling is scheduled to be done before breakfast, at least three mornings a week. Which mornings you exercise is up to you."
"So what do we do in these lessons?" queried a puzzled Sam.
"I was just coming on to that. Now sports are there, not just to keep you fit, but also to instil some discipline. As there aren't enough of you for most team sports, we have opted for something a bit different. You will learn two other sports; archery and shooting."
"Shooting?" queried Helen.
"Yes, you might have seen 50m three position rifle shooting at last years Olympics," said Mr Yates. "You keep fit with either running or cycling, and learn discipline through shooting and archery. Both shooting and archery are very skilled sports which I know will be difficult at first, but you all have the aptitude to meet the challenge."
"Do we learn just rifle shooting then, or do we get the chance to try pistols as well?" I asked.
Mr Yates stared at me for a second and I wondered if I'd gaffed again. "If you become proficient with rifles, then it is up to you if you wish to take on that extra challenge. Now let me show you were the bicycles are stored."
We all followed Mr Yates out of the school building and down a path to a locked building. "Your thumbprint will open the door," explained Mr Yates. "You have all got a bicycle assigned to you, again they unlock from their rack by your thumbprint."
Inside were forty racked bikes, all shiny and gleaming. On the handlebar was a holder to put on our PDA's which would guide us round the tracks. I scanned down the list of bikes till I found mine. I extracted it from the rack and sat on it. The seat was just at the right height for me. As with everything in the school, it looked like things had been well thought about.
"Rack up your bicycles," asked Mr Yates. "I will show you to the shooting range."
We walked back to the main building where we got into a minibus. Emma looked like she was itching to drive but reluctantly sat in the back with the rest of us.
"I might be ready by next week," confessed Emma. "My driving was good from driving most days on the farm. However, there are certain things that you don't learn there which I need to perfect. I could drive safely but not good enough to pass my driving test. They won't let me drive till I'm good enough to pass the test. Even though I can't take it till I'm seventeen."
"Don't you need some real road driving?" asked Richard.
"Yes, though they have a track where they can train me. They have older years driving other cars, which makes it like a busy road," confirmed Emma.
A few minutes later, the minibus drew up outside a concrete monstrosity that looked out of place in such tranquil grounds. I looked towards the main house but couldn't see it due to a thicket of trees. In fact, the building looked like it was situated so that it wasn't visible from any of the tracks that went nearby. For its very long length, this building was, ingeniously positioned indeed.
"Only authorised teachers can open the main door," explained Mr Yates, as he unlocked the building. "Students are not allowed here unsupervised, during your lesson I will operate as the Range Officer. For your safety, it is important that you immediately obey any command to stop firing. We also have lights within the firing range; if they are red then you must not shoot. We don't want any accidents so obeying these simple rules are very important. During shooting you must wear ear and eye protection."
"What are the three positions?" asked Sam.
"Prone, standing and kneeling," responded Mr Yates.
"Prone?" I queried.
"Lying down on your front," explained Mr Yates.
"What about the archery?" Richard asked, as we pilled into minibus, after a detailed lesson about rifle management. We hadn't even got a chance to fire a rifle.
"You have two lessons with me a week," responded Mr Yates. "We will concentrate of your rifle work in both lessons. When you all reach a certain level of competency, then we will change to one lesson of archery and one of shooting."
When we arrived back to the main building, we had a few hours before the evening meal. There were several things we could do, including homework, but none of us could be bothered to do that right now. We picked one of the games that was on the system and worked out that we could play a multi person game with the big sixty-inch screen split for each player. Each user didn't have much of a screen size but the game certainly had added fun as we could see where each other was!
After about fifteen minutes of exhausting play, we suddenly found extra characters attacking us. After a little investigation, it appeared that year two had seen we were playing and decided to add themselves into our game. The game changed from the year one student's attacking each other, to year one against year two. I don't know if it was just that they were more used to the game, or they had better team skills, but we lost heavily.
By the time the evening meal was ready, we were all laughing and joking together. During the last few hours, we had learnt more about each other, than in the previous two days. True we didn't know each others pasts, but we were certainly more aware of each others personalities. We weren't just acquaintances; we were on the way to being friends.
"Okay, everyone," called Mr Hobson. "I want to thank you all for your support of Anna and Jill during their stay as guests. Jill still has a way to go, but we hope that we won't see another breakdown like that. Now that Anna has gone, I'd like to announce that next Monday will be a 'Mix-up Monday'."
All of us on the year one table just looked at each other in wonder as the rest of the years started chattering to each other in an excited way.
"For the benefit of the year one students, let me explain," called Mr Hobson over the noise. "On Monday we will run a Mix-up day. All students that are currently living as male will dress and act as females. All students that live as females will dress and act as males. Anyone that is presenting themselves as androgynous will wear male clothes in the morning and female clothes in the afternoon. All students will attempt to be androgynous after orchestra practice till bed."
Our table fell deathly silent. The only one who didn't look ill was Helen. In fact, she looked positively excited. At first, I thought that Emma was going to actually throw up. Paula, who was looking slightly less ill, put an arm around her to provide comfort. The noise from the other tables grew again. You could feel their excitement radiating around the room, which was totally opposite to our terrified silence.
The bell rang to collect the meals and there were seven groans from our table about eating. How could anyone want to eat at a time like this? I'm glad that we were told before we'd eaten as I'm sure that Emma would have actually been sick if she had something in her stomach. I pushed my food around my plate, not feeling very hungry. The only two people on the table that were eating much were Helen and Tracy.
"Look," said Tracy as she swallowed the last morsel of food on her plate. "Everyone at the school has crossed dressed. The older years do it for two reasons, one as a show of support to you, and two, to remind them that there is another side to every person. From year three upwards, it becomes a sort of competition of who can be the most passable. They are comfortable with who they are, so the clothes don't matter to them."
"But they'll laugh at me," blurted out Richard. "I'll be a laughing stock."
This I understood, as I felt the same. How would anybody think that I could look and behave like a girl?
"What about people who have already decided to live in the opposite gender?" Lewis asked. "Are we exempt?"
"Not at all," replied Tracy. "I know it is going to be difficult for you to see the old you, so why don't you try to be different? You have short hair, so why not wear a wig that has a different colour and style than you used to have? Also, why don't you choose a different name, so you become someone you weren't before?"
Brian, who was sitting next to Lewis put his arm around him and said, "Don't worry. I'll help you and I'll definitely need your help!"
All but Emma cracked off laughing and the mood lightened a bit. I decided to try to eat some of the delicious meal before pudding. Emma just sat there shaking her head.
"Emma, after the meal why don't we discuss things quietly in my office?" offered Tracy. Emma sullenly nodded her head in acceptance.
"I'll help you," said Helen, earnestly to me, as we walked out of the dining room.
"I know that," I sighed.
"Do you want to try later?" she eagerly asked.
"Why don't we wait until Saturday? That way it won't interfere with school tomorrow."
"Okay," she responded, slightly disappointedly. "You do want my help, don't you?"
"Of course," I rapidly agreed, so not to hurt her feelings. "However, can we slow down a bit? This is all too much."
I steered us outside and we sat down on a bench in the warm, though cooling, summer evening. There were a few other students sitting around chatting, though not ones I'd got to know.
"I know you see me as a girl trapped in a boy's body," I said after a few minutes. "However, I don't think I feel the same. This dressing up is very worrying to me and I wonder if I should have come to this school."
"I miss my family," confessed Helen, calming down from her earlier excitement. "This school might be good for education, but I worry about what I've given up to be here."
As we sat and chatted, Helen started to get goose pimples on her bare arms. "Why don't you get a jumper?" I asked.
Helen must have liked that idea as she leaned across and gave me a quick kiss on my cheek, "I'll be back in a minute."
Helen bounded off towards the living quarters and I was left alone. The sun was now lower in the sky and the rays were filtering through the branches of the nearby trees making interesting images on the path. I sat there for a while, thinking about the school and the people here. I'd never been to a school like this before, there appeared to be little conflict. The students wanted to learn and the teaching was excellent. Most of all, the music bound the school like a fine mesh. The looks of satisfaction and passion all the student's faces showed during yesterdays orchestra practice was something that I wouldn't forget in a hurry.
While I waited for Helen to return, I decided to investigate some of this area. I'd only been out here once before and that was at lunchtime today. I followed the outside of the school and came across what looked like a secluded courtyard. As I approached I heard voices and paused, so not to be seen. These two people shouldn't be together.
"I thought you were told we shouldn't talk till I'd settled in," stated Richard.
"I know," replied Wendy, "but this couldn't wait."
"Why? Not that I'm not pleased to see my sister."
"After Monday it will be too late," replied Wendy earnestly. "You must leave the school tonight."
"Leave the school? Why? It is a good school. I haven't been picked on, students want to learn and that orchestra practice yesterday. I've never experienced anything so," Richard's voice trailed off as he tried to find the words. "So warming to the heart, so soul satisfying."
"I know," said Wendy sadly. "Perhaps it's too late already."
"If the school is so bad then why don't you leave?"
"I can't," she replied, her voice sounding more depressed.
"Why not? If the school is as bad as you make out then why don't you leave?"
"I'm hooked to the school. If I leave the school then I will lose access to the hormones I'm on. I'm also scheduled to have my sex change before leaving the school. I've travelled too far to leave. Can you now see why you have to leave before Monday?"
"Are your breasts real?" asked Richard in amazement.
"About fifty percent."
"Where will I go? The school is going to get into trouble if I leave. They are responsible for me."
"I'll let you know where to go. Just promise me one thing. Never mention the school to anyone. If you do, then the school might have to close and then what would happen to me? Dad would kill me if he knew that I was no longer his son. He was bad enough when he thought I was gay."
"Okay, Wendy," reluctantly agreed Richard. "You were always right when I was younger. Just tell me what I need to do."
I moved away in total shock, wondering what I should do. I couldn't snitch on Richard and Wendy, but all hell would break loose if he ran away. I also couldn't tell Helen as she would immediately tell Rachel and I couldn't let that happen. Richard needed to sort things out for himself. I walked back and when I saw Helen come out of the door, I forgot all about Richard.
We sat back on the same bench and discussed our French lesson. Languages had never been my hottest subject but, like other subjects, it magically seemed easier here. We tried to hold a conversation in French but failed miserably. We walked inside, laughing at how silly our French conversation must have sounded. It was nearly curfew time as we made our way towards the sleeping quarters. As we approached our room, we saw Richard and Sam just ahead.
"I need to speak with Richard privately," I informed Helen, as I increased my pace.
"Oh?"
"Please don't ask," I pleaded. "I just want to stop Richard doing something he might later regret and Sam doesn't know either."
I could see that Helen wanted to continue this conversation but we had reached Richard and Sam. "Hi, you two," I said pleasantly.
"You missed a great film," said Sam.
"Oh, which film was that?" asked Helen, taking Sam's arm and continued away from Richard.
I grabbed Richard and indicated that he should slow down. "Richard, don't do it."
"Do what?" he asked, fearfully looking around.
"That conversation that you didn't have with your sister. If you get caught, both of you will get into a whole bucket load of trouble."
Richard tore away from my grip and dashed past Sam into his room.
"What did you do?" asked Sam furiously.
"Nothing," I replied, trying to sound bewildered. "I don't understand what's wrong with him."
Sam went after Richard, leaving me alone with Helen. We walked in silence through the door into my bedroom. When the door was closed, Helen immediately asked, "Are you going to tell me what's happening?"
"Yes," I replied, trying not to look at her face, "but not now."
"Why not?" she replied, sounding very hurt.
"Because you'll do the right thing," I said, rubbing salt into the wound. "I'm trying to give Richard space to do the right thing. Right now, I'm hoping that he can be open with Sam. If not, all hell will break loose. All I ask is that you keep this to yourself."
What will be the impact of Helen's suggestion to Richard and more issues arise on the run up to Mix-up Monday.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 7
"What on earth," I said to myself as I was awoken to my PDA making a shrill noise. This was obviously an emergency noise to attract attention.
"What's going on?" asked Helen as she sat up in bed.
"Not sure," I said grabbing my PDA. "But I'll find out in a minute."
"What's going on Tracy? It's one in the morning."
"Richard has attempted to run away," said Tracy, her voice booming through the speaker. "Sam said you talked to him just before bed. While he is being retrieved, I'm trying to find out what made him run away."
"I didn't make him run away," I replied, trying to work out what I was going to say. Why didn't Richard listen to me? Maybe I should have told Sam to keep a closer watch on Richard. What a mess.
"Then what did you say to him?"
"I told him not to run away," I said quietly, waiting for the backlash from Tracy. None came. However, Helen hit me over the head with her pillow.
"Why didn't you tell me," hissed Helen. I put my finger to my lips to silence her.
"I take it that there were reasons why you didn't tell Rachel or me?"
"Yes," I replied simply, hoping Tracy wouldn't ask me to expand.
"Then the minimum you should have done was to tell Sam to keep a closer eye on the situation. The better move would have been to fully inform Sam, so Sam and Richard could discuss everything." There was a noise and she said, "Let me call you back."
"Tell me everything," demanded Helen. "You certainly avoided telling Tracy why Richard ran off."
"Please keep this to yourself," I pleaded. When she eventually nodded, I continued, "While you were getting a jumper I had a bit of a wander. I heard Richard talking to Wendy. Wendy told Richard to run away before Monday, which he promptly did. I warned Richard not to do it, but he didn't listen."
A minute later Tracy was back on the phone, "Richard has been retrieved and is on the way back to the school. He is safe and nothing bad has happened to him."
I breathed a sigh of relief, "What happens now?"
"Sam will meet him at the school entrance. We will just put it down to being new to the school and being frightened, so Richard won't be punished. However, Sam is now going to be upset that Richard ran away and I presume is going to stick a lot closer to ensuring that Richard doesn't try again. The school is responsible for Richard and that includes making sure he is safe. We can't do that if he's running around the countryside in the middle of the night."
"Hopefully there won't be a next time," I said feeling chastised. "However, if there is, I'll try harder."
"That's not what I'm saying," sighed Tracy. "You did what you thought was best. I'm just trying to show you other options that you might not have considered. Now go back to sleep."
Silence again engulfed the bedroom and I sat in bed staring at my PDA. How would I have felt if Richard had been hurt? What would Sam have done if I'd told him? Would that have driven a wedge between Richard and Wendy? So many consequences that I hadn't really thought about.
"Are you okay?" asked Helen, putting her comforting arms around me.
"I will be," I replied, very unsure of myself. "I should have told you earlier, I'm sorry."
"You were right though. I would have gone to Rachel and that would have caused a lot of trouble. Wendy is just doing what she thought was best for her brother. She knows Richard was close to his family and by staying will cause him upset like she has. However, I don't think she thought through the consequences of her brother running off."
"You were close to your family; very close. Do you wish you could run away from the school?"
"Sometimes," she confessed; her voice shaking as she tried not to think about her parents. "However, I have to balance that against what else we were told. I wish I could have both, but I know that isn't possible for some students and a sheer impossibility for students like us two."
I felt Helen's arm, which was still around me shake. For the first time since the telephone call, I looked at my rock; she was shaking like a flower in a winter storm. I gently took hold of her hand and led her from her bed to her settee. I sat her on my knee and gently rocked her in my arms. Eventually her tears and half-choked recriminations faded. Her emotions again in check, she wriggled off my lap and cuddled next to me. I wiggled my legs trying to revive their circulation.
* * *
"What now?" I asked myself, with as a beeping woke me up. No it wasn't the PDA, oh yes it was the alarm.
"Didn't you knock it off?" I moaned at Helen, as she stirred from her slumber.
"No," she replied surprised. "We'd agreed that we were going to try cycling today."
"I know, but I'd hoped that you'd changed your mind, after we got disturbed last night."
"Due to you not talking to me," she retorted. "Let's get it over with."
Cycling isn't something that I'd done for a few years. As I'd grown up, my parents couldn't afford to get me a larger bicycle, so since I was nine I relied on walking. It was therefore with trepidation that I set off on the gleaming new bike. For the first week there wasn't a fixed distance, so we chose a small circuit to get me back into the saddle.
When I got back, I was out of breath but didn't feel too bad. We went back to our rooms to shower and change. However, after breakfast I felt it. Relaxing during breakfast has caused my muscles to stiffen so I hobbled from the dining room. That will teach me not to cool down properly.
Richard had been at breakfast. Both Sam and Richard looked very tired and I presume they had been chatting till early in the morning. Wendy was also there and it looked like Yvonne was refusing to talk to her. As I hobbled out of the dining room, stuffed after a good hearty full-English breakfast, I managed to chat quietly with Richard and Sam.
"I'm glad you're okay," I said to Richard, ignoring the stare from Sam.
"Let's talk outside before lessons," he replied. Helen who had been watching joined Sam as we went outside.
"I should have listened to you," replied Richard. "However, I felt that I had to try and placate Wendy. Now I've tried to escape she won't ask again."
"You didn't want to go?" queried Helen.
"No," said Richard looking at Helen with amazement that she would even think that he would leave. "Would you want to leave this place? I'm not threatened daily. I don't have to watch my back and can concentrate on learning. I can eat my lunch without having to give my money to keep myself safe. Of course I don't want to leave. I took my PDA with me to make sure that the staff could track me. There has to be tracking points around the school or the PDA wouldn't be able to guide you to the correct destination."
"It was that bad?" queried Helen. "Why didn't the school do something?"
"According to the school, I was the source of the problem. If I was manlier, people wouldn't have bullied me. My form tutor just told me to ignore it and things would get better. It never did. I used to be okay at school until this last year, when things just got worse. My father was glad to see the back of me."
"Why?" asked a shocked Helen. "I was under the impression that you were a very close family."
"We were," replied Richard, being held by Sam. "My mother always supported me. My father did till about six months ago. That is when the bullying was at its peak and he was upset that I didn't do anything to protect myself. He tried to get me to play football, rugby and cricket, anything to get me to be more of a man. I tried, I really did but it never worked."
Richard was in floods of tears, being comforted by Sam. Helen and I just looked at each other, not knowing what to say.
"My Dad didn't abuse me," continued Richard when he had slightly recovered, "however he withdrew himself. He would speak with Mum and James, my older brother, but not me. To him, I was an outcast. He was so proud when William got accepted at this school. When I got accepted, he was just relieved. Dad thinks I'm a pansy."
I flinched when Richard said the word 'pansy'. "Does Wendy know this?"
"No, we always emailed saying how wonderful things were. However, over the last six months, the frequency of emails had diminished and so did their lengths. William was becoming less of a topic. At first my parents were expecting William to come home after finishing at this school. However, they were wondering recently if he would go straight to university. Wendy might just be starting year three, but she already has nine GCSE's and an A-Level; all top grades."
"David, can I ask one favour," said Sam, speaking for the first time. "Next time, tell me. Don't try to keep things to yourself. I wouldn't have snitched."
"Sorry. I've had this conversation with Helen already and won't be so silly again. At home, my parents were never interested in anything that was said, so I rarely told them anything. At school, I learnt very quickly to keep my mouth shut. I lost the ability to trust anyone years ago and I've got to learn that skill again."
Lessons that day went by as lessons in this school did, quickly. I thought about trying to track down a pair of ear plugs for the orchestra practice of the 1812 overture, but I was worried about not hearing the directions from Mrs Russell.
Having ruled out the earplugs, I did the next best thing. The only percussionist that I'd spoken to was Andrea so I approached her. "Hi, on Wednesday during the 1812 the cymbals were a bit loud in the ear. Do you think it would be possible to crash them a bit to one side?"
"I'll have a word with Andy," she replied with a smile. "He's the person to blame for the other day."
Feeling better I sat down to warm up my instrument. I looked around but there was no sign of Jill.
"Have you seen Jill?" I asked Kevin, the other horn player. I hoped Wednesday hadn't scared her off.
"Not today," he replied, "though she is sometimes a bit late on a Friday. I hear traffic on the A5 is murder on Fridays."
Just before the start of the rehearsal a rather breathless Jill came into the room. She flashed me a smile as she took her seat.
"On your music stands you should all have a piece of paper showing what music we will practice at which rehearsal. That should help you with your individual practices. Now get out the Tchaikovsky and see if we can get a more polished sound. No effects such as cannons till the main run through."
There was a lot of going over various sections, trying to get the feeling into the music. This was especially important in the slower, quieter areas. The playing is more exposed then and any flaws are more obvious.
Towards the end of the rehearsal I noticed a man talking with Mr Hobson at the side of the room. How I managed to keep an eye on him, the music and Mrs Russell I'm not sure. He looked like he was in his mid thirties and although he was dressed casually; he had an air of authority that even surpassed Mr Hobson's.
"Who's that with Mr Hobson?" I asked Kevin during the next pause in our playing.
"What? There's no one with Mr Hobson."
I looked again. The mystery man had disappeared.
Just before we started working through the next section Mr Hobson approached Mrs Russell and they had a quick discussion. He kept pointing to the front of the orchestra and there was obviously some discussion about seating arrangements.
"Okay," Mrs Russell said with a sigh, as Mr Hobson again retreated to the back of the hall. "Let's go for a full run through including all percussion."
I forgot about the mystery man as I again lost myself to the music. The feeling and passion emanating from the orchestra made my heart pound with excitement. I loved this school.
The crashing of the cymbals had moved further away so my ears weren't as tortured as last time. Then it happened. I'm sure it was a joke but I was so humiliated. Andy pounded the muffled, amplified bass drum and sent me flying. He had positioned the amplifier just behind me and turned up the volume. The sound gave Kevin and me the shock of our lives causing us both to jump out of our seats. Our reaction caused us to knock down our music stands which acted like a domino affect, flattening the stands of neighbouring players.
I don't know if it was my scream or the complete disarray of the brass section and percussion as they burst into fits of laughter, which caused Mrs Russell to terminate the rehearsal. At least she appeared to have a sense of humour as she was laughing as much as everyone else.
I just sat down in shock, wondering why the whole world was against me. As my heart began to slow, I felt my eyes begin to fill with tears. I felt so humiliated.
"Are you okay?" asked Kevin, his voice deep with concern.
I blinked my eyes to try and hide my watering eyes. I was a man and didn't want others to see my distress.
"I'm fine," I replied, forcing a weak smile.
"It was just Andy's idea of a joke," explained Kevin. "He didn't mean to upset you."
"I'm not upset," I forced out, with all the strength I could muster.
I tried to stand-up, to move away from the situation, but my legs didn't agree and I ended up sitting back on my chair. Other people were packing away their instruments, so hadn't noticed me. Kevin put his arm around me and tried to comfort me, which just made my eyes start to fill up again.
"I'm sorry," said a voice to my left. I looked up and through bleary eyes saw Andy, his every joyful face beaming down at me.
"You bastard," I swore, my heart again speeding up. I then did something I'd never done before; I slapped him in the face. The slap wasn't hard enough to cause damage, but the sound of my hand striking his cheek echoed round the room. There was silence. Everyone in the hall stopped their conversations and looked at me and Andy. I could feel their relentless stares hone in on me, which only increased my embarrassment.
I stood up and ran out of the hall, leaving the deathly silence behind. I don't know why I ran; I just needed to be away from everyone. The next thing I knew, I was sitting in the courtyard that yesterday I'd heard Wendy and Richard talking in.
The small bench was situated against one of the walls and would catch the late summer sun. The scent of the flowers gave a calming affect and I was soon feeling less agitated. As I came down from my adrenaline induced high, my eyes started to fill. There was nobody to see, so I didn't hold back. I wept and didn't care.
As my tears dried I became aware that I wasn't alone; a pair of arms were tenderly embracing me. The arms weren't that of Kevin or any man. These arms were that of a girl. They weren't Helen's arms. There was no romance in the embrace; just a warm glow of knowing I wasn't alone.
I blinked a few times to clear my eyes as I didn't want the other person to see how upset I'd been. They obviously would have known but I didn't want to seem weaker by rubbing my eyes clear.
"Andrew can be such a plonker," said Stacy. "He didn't mean any harm."
I just sat there shocked. Stacy was the year five girl that did the welcome. She was the leader of the orchestra. Why would she talk with me?
I suddenly got a sudden flash of inspiration. "Are you Andy's partner?"
"Yep," she acknowledged, accompanied with a soppy grin. "I'd heard you were quick. Those boys surely don't mature as quickly as us girls."
Us girls? Does Stacy think I'm a girl? "I'm a boy. I was born a boy and haven't any plans to change that."
"I'm sorry," replied Stacy. "I went off the way you acted. I put two and two together and obviously got five."
"I'd better find Helen."
"Helen is waiting just outside the courtyard and as you know, she will be able to hear everything."
"You know about yesterday?"
"Of course, it's my job to know about these things. But this is a student issue and I won't involve any of the staff."
"I don't understand," I said bewildered.
"This goes back to the conversation that you and Helen had with Rachel on day one. It is about the potential job you might get when you've finished studying here."
"I take it that you're also studying for the same line of work?"
"Yes and so is Andy. That is why I'm concerned. You and Andy will be working closely together. I don't want his Tom Foolery to cause working issues."
"Andy really wasn't the issue," I replied after a few minutes thought. "I was more embarrassed about my reaction and what others might think of me."
"You're sure?"
"Yes, though I reserve the right to embarrass him back."
Stacy burst into a big grin and giggled. "I look forward to seeing that. I'll leave you with Helen, but don't stay out here too long; dinner will be ready in twenty minutes."
As I walked into the dinning room, I felt so much more myself. Helen had this way of knowing exactly how I felt and helping me overcome any stresses. Jill was sat at the table, just like two days ago.
"Hi Jill," I said as I sat next to her. "Glad to see you looking a bit better than yesterday."
"I feel a lot better. Talking of people feeling bad, how are you? I saw what happened and I bet Andy gave you the scare of your life."
"It wasn't far off," I agreed. "However, that is in the past. Andy was just playing a joke."
There were warm words of comfort from all the rest of the year one students. It was nice not to be alone.
"Jill, have you ever been here when we've run a "Mix-up day?" Becky asked as we ate.
"No," she replied. "I heard them mentioned but they were always scheduled when I wasn't around."
"Well there is one happening on Monday and I was wondering if you wished to participate? As a guest it isn't compulsory."
Becky explained the rules and we all sat there shuddering at the thought. Well all except Helen who looked excited at the prospect. I gave her a nudge and she tempered her eagerness.
"Let me make sure I've got this correct. I'd come to orchestra practice as Bill. Then just before supper, change and appear androgynous?"
"That's about the size of it," agreed Becky. "The clothes we put together are still in the guest room, so you shouldn't have a clothing problem."
Jill sat there for a moment and then with a grin said, "Count me in. It's nice that the school trusts me to participate in other events other than the orchestra."
"Well if you-"
"Jill, are you able to stay a bit?" I asked cutting off Becky's comment. Jill would only get upset again if the pressure was applied to strongly for her to join.
"If that's okay with you all?" she asked looking round the table.
Replies of "That'll be great" and "Yeah" spread round the table. We had one thing that no other years had. We had a friend our age that wasn't a student at the school. All nine of us spent the evening watching a film. Julia was happy for Jill to spend time with us. It meant she was able to socialise a little with some of the other staff.
In my room I sat with Helen on the settee, we'd cleaned our teeth and put on our nightwear. No lessons at the weekend meant that breakfast was an hour later. An hour extra in bed was certainly needed after the heavy pace of the previous days.
"Would you like to practice for Monday?" asked Helen hopefully. She looked at me with her eyes all shiny and expectant.
"Isn't it a bit late?" I responded, trying to put her off without saying no.
"I suppose," she responded rather despondently. With a hint of pain in her voice she eventually asked, "You do want me to help, don't you?"
I wanted to say a firm NO but I couldn't. Her eyes melted my heart and I knew if I refused she would be upset. "Of course," I lied, trying to sound convincing. "I've already told you I wanted you to help."
"Okay, no need to get upset. I just wanted to make sure. I only want to help you be the best you can be. You wouldn't want to be teased for not being passable, would you?"
"No," I reluctantly agreed. "However, I'm frightened about doing it. You know I was often teased at school. I just don't want that to occur here."
"Nobody will. All the other students will be cross-dressing so why would they pick on you?"
"I know I've got to do this for Monday," I said, caving in, "but I don't like it. Please don't go overboard."
"Don't forget that I'm in the same boat," Helen replied sympathetically, slipping. "I might wear trousers a lot but they aren't boy's versions. There is a big difference in wearing trousers and trying to act like a boy."
"That's something you didn't answer from the other day. Rachel has implied a few times about you wanting to be a boy. Do you?"
Helen sat there and looked at me like I was mad. "Of course I don't want to be a boy," she said indignantly.
"Are you sure?" I asked, hoping that she was. "You certainly have a lot of characteristics of a male. You're very forceful, strong and like to take charge."
"That doesn't make me want to be a boy. It just means that I'm not as girly as other girls."
I grinned and decided to wind her up a bit. It wasn't often I had Helen on the defensive. "If you see us both as girls, then does that make you as lesbian?"
"What?"
"Are you a lesbian?"
Helen just sat there looking stunned. Eventually her lips moved but no sound came out. It rather reminded me of a goldfish that I once won at a fairground. Dad didn't approve of pets so the goldfish didn't last that long.
"I...I...I don't understand," eventually spluttered Helen.
Oh crap, should I backtrack or go forward. Forward I think. It's best to be bitten by a subject once rather than backtrack only to meet the same issue again. Perhaps if I take it step by step things won't seem as bad.
"Do you think of me as a girl?"
"Yes," Helen replied relaxing a bit.
"Do you fancy me?"
"Oh yes, I love you."
"Do you see yourself as a girl?"
"Of course, I just said that."
This was the point of no return. The last point I could back out of this conversation. Taking a deep breath and expecting the worst I said, "So you, as a girl, love me, who you see as a girl. Isn't that the description of a lesbian?"
Helen sat there unable to move. Her arm which had been round me went limp as she devoted all her thought onto a single question. "Was she a lesbian?"
I listened in the stunned silence. I expected to hear cogs whirring as she processed the multitude of thoughts. I heard nothing. I stole a glance expecting to see steam emanating from her ears as her brain overloaded with processing. I was disappointed to find no steam. Oh well, another phrase with no truth behind it.
As Helen continued to contemplate for what appeared to be for her a difficult question, my thoughts drifted onto questions about my gender. Helen was adamant that she saw me as a girl. It looked like the test I took a few months ago gave results that I thought like a girl, which Rachel confirmed. Then to top it all off Stacy, a few hours ago, implied that she thought of me as a girl. Am I that feminine? Is that why I had trouble interacting with people at school?
What if people are right? What if I am a girl inside? What am I to do? Should I just dress and live as a girl, like Jill does or should I follow Julia and actually have a sex-change? If people are right and I am really a girl inside, then I'm a lesbian. God, my parents will kill me.
Ah, but what if I'm right and they're all wrong. What if I'm just a strange boy? Should I try and resist? Should I refuse to dress in girls clothes on Monday? What would happen if I refused? Would I get sent home? No, I know too much for that to happen. Should I run away? No, I wouldn't know how to survive and what would I be running away from? Myself?
Oh my, this is very heavy stuff. No wonder we have our own psychiatrists.
"It depends on you," said Helen, finally coming out of her deep thoughts. "If you live as a man then nobody would think we were lesbians. If you live as a girl but don't have a sex-change then people would think we were lesbians, but we wouldn't be. However, if you have a sex-change then I suppose we would be."
I looked at Helen to see if she was serious. It appeared she was. "That is the worst answer I've ever heard. I'm not talking about how other people see our relationship; I'm asking how you feel about us; your soul to my soul."
"That can't be the right way to think about it," responded Helen sounding frantic. "It can't be. You have a penis between your legs, we can't be lesbians."
"It's okay," I said trying to scoop Helen into my arms. Damn, that's one heavy girl. I held her tightly in my arms till she started to calm down.
Perhaps I should have left it there, but I'd come this far so I just ploughed on. "That's not right. When it is us, clothes don't matter. Clothes are just there to make ourselves presentable to other people. Even our bodies don't matter; they're just a shell to house our souls. We are what we are inside. If you love me and I mean truly and passionately love me, then you love my soul."
Wow; where did that come from? The more I thought about it the more I realised it was true. I loved Helen for what she was about, what she thought and how she interacted with me. It was beyond what she wore or how she was constructed. If Rachel asked me again if I would fancy Helen if she wanted to be a boy then the answer would be a resounding yes. I love her soul not her body or clothes.
"But...but what about God?" asked Helen, tears flooding out of her eyes. "I'll be damned for all eternity. My parents will want nothing to do with me."
Her parents? Oh my, I'd better not remind her that we would never see them again. That would certainly put the nail in the coffin.
"I didn't go to church as often as you did. My parents didn't believe and thought I shouldn't attend. I only got chance to go if they were working on a Sunday morning. One thing I remember from the few times I attended is that God is a forgiving God. I also thought that the church frowned upon homosexual vicars but were accepting of homosexuals in the congregation."
"Really?" asked Helen, sniffing away her tears.
"Look, tomorrow, "I looked at my watch, "make that today, why don't we talk with Rachel. I'm sure that topic will have been raised before. Didn't Jill say that she was a regular church goer? I'm sure she will have also thought about these issues."
"Yes," Helen said, sounding chirpier. She thought for a second and with a slight smile asked, "Well if clothes and body don't matter, then why are you frightened of Monday?"
Just the mention of Monday made me shudder. At least the thought wasn't making me feel sick anymore.
"I have years of threats and teasing to contend with. What I know in my heart is sometimes difficult to accept by the brain. I know I'm safe at this school but it is still difficult for me to put the past behind me. So please be gentle with me as you help me prepare for Monday and don't expect me to dress in girls clothes again for a long time."
An unexpected letter from home causes interruption to preparations for Mix-up Monday.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 8
I awoke to the sound of rain gently pattering against the window. Today didn't look like a good day to be doing anything outside. The alarm hadn't gone off and Helen lay sleeping, her face looking as angelic as ever. There was no sign of the torture that I knew that she wanted to put me through. Many people, including our parents, would have frowned upon us sleeping in the same bed, but without the comfort that we gave each other we would be basket cases. Not only did we keep each other sane but we looked out for each other. There was no chance of committing suicide with someone lying next to you. We hadn't broken any laws as the law was against underage sex, though I'm sure that they might try to say we'd committed assault against each other. The school rules say we have to keep our underwear on. We'd complied and even undressed in our own rooms. I hadn't even seen a glimpse of Helen in her underwear. Damn.
Looking back at the clock, I saw we'd another hour before it was time to get up. I'd only been here a few days and I was already running on school time. This school had produced several surprises and some children would have freaked out about it. Not me. I was safe here. Here I'd found love and here I would be able to grow as a person; not just exist but live.
"How long before we have to get up?" Helen mumbled, as she stirred from her angelic slumber.
"About an hour."
"Then stop thinking and snuggle up," she commanded. Who was I to refuse such an order?
As the alarm sounded I didn't want to leave Helen's arms. I could have stayed there all day and been content. However, I heard her tummy rumble and knew there would be no chance of skipping breakfast. I think Helen, like Lewis, was ruled by her stomach. Though I've got to admit the food was a lot better than I got at home.
As we got to the table I noticed that a few places had letters on them. Mine was one. I wasn't expecting a letter from home. My parents always had better things to do, Dad drinking and Mum watching soaps. I'd sent and got an email from Eric so I wasn't expecting a letter from him.
I sat down and when I picked up the envelope I recognised the scrawl. Mum had written. My Mum who could never be bothered to read the letters from school had actually spent the time and effort to write to me. I put it in my pocket to read later when alone or just with Helen. I had no secrets from Helen and she was well aware of my parents.
During breakfast Keith announced, "The upper years normally run this as a competition to see who is the most passable. Mr Hobson has decided that this is a good idea, so there will be a competition for each year. Most passable male, most passable female and most passable androgynous; passing doesn't just include looks but also behaviour. You can't enter a category you normally live in, so Sam won't be able to win as the best androgynous person. Oh and something you might not have thought about, you will need to choose appropriate names. For instance Richard is a boy's name so on Monday while you're dressed as a girl you will need to choose a girls name."
This added a bit more excitement to the table and a bit of bantering about who would be best. I tried to think of a girls name but drew a blank. Monday is certainly going to be more difficult than I first thought. Perhaps seeing Sam in female and male mode will make it easier to tell what sex Sam really is. Though looking at the way Lewis looked and behaved, I'd never have been able to tell that he was born female.
Being the weekend, the choice of what to do was our own. I didn't fancy walking in the rain to the swimming pool, though it was a possibility if the rain stopped. Most other sports, such as tennis, I wasn't very good at and the rain would make them impossible.
As we finished eating Helen announced, "With all this rain I think I might try practicing dressing for Monday. I doubt I'll be good enough to win the prize but I don't want to look silly. David has promised to help me."
"And Helen will help me," I said.
"The other years won't laugh at us, will they?" asked Brian.
"Of course not," reassured Keith. "All the students will be cross-dressed and know what it is like to do it for the first time. We have never done a Mix-up Monday so early in the school year before. We did it earlier than usual as we thought you were a group that could cope or even need this early on.
"Emma and Paula," I said addressing the two girls, "since you are both girls, do you need male input with any practice?"
"I'm also willing to help," chimed in Brian.
"Me too," said Lewis. "I know a lot about making a girl look masculine."
Emma turned white and looked very frightened. Paula gave her a slight nudge which Emma ignored. When she got a second, slightly firmer nudge, I decided to help out.
"Are you okay Emma?" I asked. "You don't look well."
Emma took a sip of water and reluctantly said, "I won't need help dressing as a boy; I did it for the first ten years of my life. I don't think things will have changed in the last three years."
There was a stunned silence and Paula comforted Emma who couldn't hold in the tears any longer. I looked and couldn't see any sign of a boy. There was no way I'll look that feminine for Monday.
"Oh yes you could," whispered Helen to me. "You could look that feminine."
"Stop reading my mind," I hissed back, but gave her hand a friendly pat to show I wasn't serious.
"They'll hate me," sobbed Emma. "They'll all think I'm a freak, just like the people at my past school."
"No we won't," replied Richard. "Telling us was very brave and probably very hard to do. Why should we hate you? You saw last Tuesday that my brother was now my sister and that I didn't have a problem with that. Why should I have a problem with you?"
Richard got up and gave Emma a hug. I thought that was a great idea and did the same. Eventually everyone on the table had hugged Emma. "Thank you. Thank you all for this," she wept, but this time it was tears of relief and happiness. "Thank you too Paula for persuading me to tell everyone."
"Why don't we all do something together after lunch?" suggested Sam. "If it's still raining, why don't we watch a movie?"
We all agreed that would be a good idea. Emma's revelation showed how little we knew about each other and how little trust we had left to give.
As we started to leave, Rachel came up to us. "Helen and David, why don't we have that chat now?"
"Thank you," said a relieved Helen.
We silently followed Rachel to her office, where we were ushered to sit onto the nice comfy settee.
"David's message last night was quite intriguing; that you wanted to discuss sexuality rather than gender. I take it that you were having a discussion last night which has raised some questions that you wanted advice on?"
"Since I see myself as a girl and also see David as a girl, then am I a lesbian? I didn't think so because David is physically male, however David says that is irrelevant."
"It isn't the physical stuff that is important; it is how you feel in your soul. Clothes and the physical body are irrelevant. It's the soul, the fundamental feeling that is more important."
"Tell me more," pressed Rachel, sitting forward on her seat.
"Well, clothes keep you warm and are there to give other people an impression about you. The body is just a tool that houses your soul."
Rachel just stared at me in total wonder. "Where did you get that idea from?"
"It came to me last night, as we discussed Helen's sexuality. Am I talking crap?"
"So why do you think that people want to have sex-change operations?" asked Rachel ignoring my question.
"As people like to have clothes that match their moods and feelings, people like to have a body that match their soul."
"Is that why you appear more relaxed about Monday?"
"I'm still very nervous, due to how I've previously been treated. However, I'm not freaking out like before. Monday is just about clothes and presentation, it doesn't change who or what I am."
"We appear to have gone a bit back to gender, but I think I understand how you relate this to sexuality. You David are physically male but Helen thinks you have the soul of a female. You think that makes Helen a lesbian and I presume Helen disagrees. Is that right?"
"Yes," Helen and I agreed simultaneously.
"Great. Now I have that understood, what is the issue?"
"Well it's sort of two questions," answered Helen. "First, am I a lesbian and second, if I am will that mean that I go to Hell instead of Heaven?"
"Well only you know how you feel. If you feel that you are sleeping with a girl then you would be what some people describe as a lesbian. However, it is up to you if you want to use that label. Isn't it more important that you are in a loving relationship? You love David and David loves you. Is a label that important?"
"But if I'm a lesbian then I'll go to Hell," panicked Helen. "Also my parents will kill me if they find out."
"Helen, its okay," reassured Rachel. "You aren't the first person to worry about this and you won't be the last. Why don't you have a word with our vicar George Trent? It won't have been the first time he's discussed this and is very open to these discussions. I'll have a word with him and I'll send you a note. Last time he discussed this early in the morning, a few hours before the service. In the meantime don't worry about it; you are who you are. Just be true to yourself."
"Thanks," said Helen, who sounded only a little better. Her voice was still tinged with concern.
"In the last few days you've met some of the other students. While church isn't compulsory, there is a very high percentage that goes. I know that you, Helen, used to attend regularly. Do you intend to attend tomorrow? Also what about you David, will you go?"
I gave Helen's hand a slight squeeze to signal my intent.
"We'll both be going," said Helen for both of us. I know she would want to go and I wanted to be with her.
"How are you both feeling about Monday?" Rachel asked us both.
"Till last night, I was very upset about it," I confessed. "However, when I thought about it I realised that it is just clothes. They don't change who I am inside. I'll still be me, even if I will have to act differently."
"Not that differently," snorted Helen. "For somebody who is good at watching others, you certainly don't understand yourself."
"Are you saying my actions are feminine?"
Helen nodded. This I couldn't believe. I looked enquiringly at Rachel who after a moment's hesitation also nodded.
"Is that why I was beaten up? I'm to blame for not being more masculine."
"No, you're not to blame," reassured Rachel. "There is no excuse for threats like that. You are who you are and people should respect that."
"Well it certainly looks like I've got a lot to learn about myself," I said thinking about my life. I wonder if my brother or parents knew that I didn't appear to be as masculine as I thought I had. I suppose Eric might have, but my parents were too busy in their own lives to notice.
"That's one of the aims of running Mix-up Monday's," informed Rachel. "Helen, do you think you've got anything to learn on Monday?"
"I know I don't want to be a boy, so I'm not sure," she relied confidently.
"But David was also confident that he didn't want to be a girl. Just go through Monday with an open mind and try to experience as much as you can. I'm not saying you will want to be a boy and I'm not saying that David should be a girl. Just that you both should take this opportunity to experience things you have never experienced before. Look at it as a way to better understand people like Emma and Lewis, who do want to change their sex."
Rachel paused for a moment for everything to sink in. "Is there anything else you want to talk about?" When we both shook our heads, we were dismissed.
As the door to Rachel's office closed I asked Helen, "Can we go back to our rooms?" As her eyes lit up I hurriedly continued, "Not to practice for Monday but I think I need to lie-down. This was a bit much."
"Sure," she replied lightly, letting go of my hand and wrapping her arm around me.
I felt my eyes start to fill and quickened my pace. I didn't want to break down in the hall.
"We'll soon be there," reassured Helen, as we turned into the sleeping wing.
Once in the room I didn't even bother to remove my shoes, I just fell onto my bed and let the stress of the last hour pour out of my eyes. Why me? What had I done to be so badly made? Was this punishment because I wasn't able to go to church very often? Was it because I never did any male things like football or rugby?
I opened my eyes to find my pillow wet. I felt a bit strange and concluded that I must have fallen asleep. I felt an arm gently wrapped around me and wriggled back a bit to cuddle further into Helen. She didn't say anything but gently stroked my face.
"I'm such a failure," I eventually said. "You'd be better off finding someone who isn't such damaged goods."
"Remember what you said last night, about clothes and body not being important. Well it is your soul, your essence that I love. I love the way you love me, the way you help people without thinking. You were the one that got help for Jill, and was the first to offer Emma and Paula help for Monday."
"Sorry that I broke down. I was just so shocked and thought that I'd been living a lie all these years. I was also worried that you wouldn't love me anymore, which was silly really as you already see me as a girl."
"I'm not going to leave you.
As I got off the bed I felt something in my pocket. I fished out the letter that had arrived this morning and looked at the envelope. It was definitely my Mum's writing.
"Who's the letter from?" asked Helen, as she got up from the bed.
"My Mum."
"Are you going to open it?"
I gently opened the envelope, not wanting to rip the letter inside. As I unfolded the letter I noticed that it was indeed from Mum. The size of the letter shocked me; it wasn't just a note but covered three pages.
"I didn't think that your Mum liked to write?"
"She doesn't. I don't really understand it."
"Why don't you read it while I nip to the toilet?"
I settled down and began to try to distinguish Mum's hieroglyphics.
Dear David,I hope that you are settled into your new school okay. Eric has tried to show me how to use the email system but I found it too difficult. He offered to type what I wanted to send and he will in the future. This letter however, is just between you and me; you must never tell Dad or Eric what's in the letter.
After your interview with Dr Ruiz you mentioned Uncle James. This letter should explain a bit about your Uncle which I didn't tell you the other week.
James used to dress in my clothes and try to make his already feminine looks even more feminine. He wanted nothing more than to be a girl that he knew he was inside. While he was at school he used to get teased for his gentle and kind nature. At home, when we were alone, I helped him become what he was inside. We hid this from our parents as they would never understand.
Uncle James wanted to be a girl? Why didn't Mum tell me about this the other night?
I blamed myself for his death. If I hadn't helped him perhaps he wouldn't have killed himself. As you grew up I saw that you were just like James and tried to distance myself. Before James killed himself I used to be a smart outgoing girl. Part of me died when he killed himself. I withdrew myself and didn't take any of my exams. I don't think that I could live with myself if you also killed yourself.
Gentle tears started to trickle down my cheeks, as I thought of the impact her brother's death had on Mum. I couldn't imagine the grief and guilt she must have felt to withdraw herself like that. My mind started to whirl in confusion on what she'd said and implied. Mum must have truly loved her brother to have helped him keep such a secret. But why did he kill himself? Was I that similar to Uncle James? Why does Mum think I would want to kill myself? This doesn't make sense.
I'd been terribly wrong. I thought that Mum was an uncaring mother who wanted nothing to do with me. For the last twenty years she had carried this guilt in her heart and was hoping that I wouldn't kill myself. Poor Mum must have been in torture for the last few years as it became obvious that I was like her brother.
As you grew up you reminded me of my brother and you were a constant reminder of the fact that I failed to save his life. I knew what was wrong with James and how it worried him. A week before James killed himself he talked to me about how he saw no future for himself. I didn't understand him properly and agreed that he had no future. The next time he was alone he slashed his wrists. I was the one who found him sitting in a bath of blood. I found out later that it would have taken ten minutes for him to become unconscious and another twenty minutes to die.
Oh my God. I've heard of horrible ways to die but that must be the worst. To slash your own wrists and take so long to die must be awful. The pain as the blood gushes out must have been tremendous. I can't imagine the anguish that Uncle James must have been in to sit through all that. What must have been going through his mind as his life slowly slipped away.
Since Mum saw no future for Uncle James as a boy and she things I'm like Uncle James, does she think I should be a girl? Is she saying I don't have any future as a man?
James killed himself on his sixteenth birthday and since you and he were so similar I'm worried that you might also commit suicide. I didn't want you to die like your Uncle had so I persuaded your father to agree to you going to Hayfield Hall. After the meeting with Dr Ruiz I had a private word with her and told her about James. She was the first person that I'd told since his death. There was just something about Dr Ruiz that I was able to open up to her. She told me to tell you in a letter about James as it would help you.Since you've left home I've joined the library and tried to find out information regarding James's condition. He was what is described as a transsexual and it is not curable. The only treatment for his condition is to become the girl he was inside. I don't recommend that you try it at school, as I doubt they would understand, but if, after you've finished school you do need to be a girl, just like he did, then I give you my blessing.
If you'd have been born a girl you would have been called Jayne Laura Grant.
Love
Mum
Oh my God, oh my God, no. My Mum, my own mother, thinks I should become a girl. Am I that blind to myself? Did my Dad and brother also think this about me? What am I to do? Is Monday just the start of my life as a girl? What if I do like it? What if I don't? What am I? Who am I? What should I do? Should I do anything?
As the thoughts of my life crashed through my mind, my body's reaction got worse. The tears of heartache over my Mum's letter gave way to the torrent that lay beyond. The sluice gate opened and the tears flooded down. My connection with the world ceased to matter as I tried to make sense of what I'd been told.
* * *
My eyes slowly fluttered open. I tried to lift my head slightly but felt dizzy so I lay back down. The room looked blurry so I closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep.
As I opened my eyes this time the room looked clearer; the fog had gone. I felt that I was being closely held. I would recognise those arms anywhere, there mixture of firmness and tenderness was unique. "Helen, why are we in bed?"
"I came back from the toilet to find you bawling over the letter. I tried for ages to comfort you, but you didn't respond; you just kept crying. You were worse than Jill was the other night. In the end I had no choice but to call Rachel, who was in this sleeping wing anyway. She was here in less than a minute. She saw how bad you were and gave you a mild sedative. That was five hours ago."
"Where's Rachel now?"
"I'm here," said Rachel. I looked up and there she was sitting on the settee. "Is it okay if I read your Mum's letter, so I can better understand?"
"Yes. But I thought you already knew about my Uncle?"
"I knew certain details. However, I need to know what your Mum actually said and how she said it."
"Go ahead. Then pass it to Helen to read."
"I've already read it," confessed Helen. "I read it to try and help you. I was in tears reading it myself. I won't read your stuff again without permission."
"You always have my permission. Remember, no secrets."
"Well, that explains things," said Rachel, as she finished reading my Mum's letter. "How do you feel now?"
"I feel strange, which isn't unusual after I've slept during the day. I remember reading Mums letter and then trying to reach some conclusions about it. I don't remember much else. However, I do feel hungry."
"If it's any comfort, Helen missed lunch as well.
I collapsed on my bed in a mock faint. Helen is ruled by her tummy, so to miss lunch so she could be with me was very touching. Helen forced me to stay lying down and cuddled into me. I felt so safe in her arms. I wish she'd been there when I'd read the letter. Nothing bad would have happened then.
"How do you feel about your Uncle?"
"I felt sorry that he felt that there was no other option. Things must have been harder back then. Today, with the internet, information about things is easier to get hold of. Without knowing where to turn, he probably felt he had no option."
I started crying a bit, as I thought of the way Uncle James killed himself. Helen tightened her grip on me in a vain attempt to squeeze out the sadness. "I just wish he hadn't killed himself in such a horrible way. I keep seeing someone sitting in a growing pool of blood, with his life slowly ebbing away. All he had to do was get out of the bath and dial 999 and he would have still been here. His pain must have been horrendous to put himself through what he did."
"Do you want to kill yourself?"
My heartbeat quickened. Oh how I used to think about killing myself. How I used to plan every aspect of how I would be found hanging from a tree in my main tormentors back garden. But those feeling were gone. I now had feelings of love, hope and joy.
"No. I don't want to kill myself. I was shocked what my Mum said, especially the bit about her accepting me if I did want to be a girl."
"Have you ever wanted to kill yourself?"
Why did she have to ask that question? Should I tell her the truth, or deny like mad. If I deny and she finds out the truth then all trust is lost. However, is she likely to find out? But Helen's here and I don't want her to hear a lie.
"Yes, but not anymore."
"Why did you want to kill yourself?"
"Because there was no point in living," I replied, my stomach giving groans of protest. "My life wasn't as rosy as it is now. I used to constantly watch what was happening and who was watching me. I could never be a success at anything, or I'd be beaten up. To live I just tried to melt into the woodwork. I had to stop being me and act a part. Everyday a little bit more of me died. I hadn't reached the breaking point, but Mum was correct, I would have taken my life, just like Uncle James."
"What would you do if you did feel suicidal?"
"I doubt I would, but if I did I'd talk with Helen or someone else. I wouldn't let it fester."
"So what do you think about your Mum thinking you should be a girl?"
"Well she doesn't exactly say I should be a girl, but I will admit she implies it. Several people have now said how much I look or act like a girl. This is just another one. I'm sure Mix-up Monday is a technique you use so that we get to experience things we might have been scared to try. Therefore, I plan to go through Monday with an open mind."
"So you still want to take part on Monday. I can excuse you based on your recent news."
"No. I said I would do it, and I will."
All this time Helen had kept quiet. She just lay next to me, providing all the comfort I needed. However, she now decided to break her silence. "If David starts to feel low about dressing, then I will stop him practicing. I'm not going to risk David's health for anything, including my own fantasies."
"Okay," said Rachel after a few moments thought. "I'll leave you to it. I'll also let the other six know you're okay."
When Rachel was gone I said to Helen, "Tonight, I'm going to write a letter to Mum and thank her for telling me. I hope that telling me will help her get rid of some of the guilt she has been carrying. Now it looks more likely that I've got a lot to learn about myself. We'd better get on with the practice for Monday."
"Are you sure you want to?"
"No, I'm not sure. However, Mum said that Uncle James liked it, so why not give it a try."
"I don't think you should," said a very worried Helen. "You have been through a lot today and I don't think you need any more stress. Why don't we watch a movie or, since it has stopped raining, go for a walk?"
"Helen," I said with a deep sigh, "if I don't do this now, I might never do it. I need to understand myself. I've ran away from looking at myself for the last few years and I can't continue to do that. I have lots of questions which I don't know the answers to, this will help. If I don't like it then there is nothing wrong. At the end of the day they are just clothes, they won't change who or what I am. However, they might help me discover more about my soul."
"Okay," reluctantly agreed Helen, "then will you help me this evening?"
"It's a deal."
"Why don't you find the fake breasts that Rachel mentioned, while I find you an outfit? Is casual okay?"
"Fine. One of the draws next to the bed wasn't it?"
"Top draw I think."
In the top draw I found what looked like two breasts and something that looked like a pair of panties but felt slightly different. I took the breasts out first and examined them. I'd never seen breasts and they looked remarkable items. The nipple and bit around it looked slightly larger than mine but the colour of them appeared to match my skin remarkably well.
I looked at the panty and could place what was different about it. It just didn't feel like the ones I pulled out the washing machine when I helped Mum with the laundry.
Helen came out with a pair of panties, a bra, a denim skirt and a pale yellow top. "Are these okay?"
"I'm sure they will be fine. It's only you who is going to see me wearing them. I've found the breasts but there was something else there as well. I remember Rachel said there were two things but I don't understand what it is."
"Let's have a look," said Helen. I passed them to her and she looked at them. "Well they look like a very small pair of panties but they certainly feel different to normal panties. Do you think we should ask someone?"
"But who? I would feel embarrassed about asking."
"Why don't we ask Emma? Since she has been dressing as a girl for three years, I'm sure she will know what it is."
"Okay," I answered reluctantly, "I just hope it's nothing too embarrassing."
Helen whipped out her PDA and contacted Emma who promised to have a look. Five minutes later Emma arrived.
"Well, where's this mystery object?"
"Here it is," I replied flourishing the object in front of her face. "It was in the draw with the fake breasts."
Emma smiled. "A quick lesson in transgender speak is required. The 'fake breasts' are normally referred to as breast forms. The item you're waving in front of my nose looks like a gaff."
"A gaff?"
"A gaff is a special panty used to give a flat appearance when you wear female clothes. Before I go on are any of you two squeamish?"
"No," we replied simultaneously.
"Okay, now I'm sorry if this gets a bit personal but there is no other way to explain things. It's a two stage process. Stage one is to tuck all your attributes inside yourself. Stage two is where the gaff comes in. The gaff holds everything inside."
"But doesn't that hurt?" I asked wondering exactly how much you tuck inside. "Exactly what do you tuck inside?"
"Originally your testes were inside you, they drop down into your scrotum by a canal inside you. That canal is still there, all you do is push them back into this canal. You then tuck your penis back and the gaff holds everything in place."
"That doesn't sound very comfortable," commented Helen.
"You get used to it," shrugged Emma. "If you get pain when your pushing your testes back inside yourself then you're doing it wrong. Why don't Helen and I go next door while you give it a try?"
Helen and Emma disappeared and I attempted to manipulate myself. I had never really examined myself down there before and was unsure what to do. After five minutes, which seemed like fifty, I called "Emma, are you sure this is possible?"
"Of course it's possible," she called back from Helen's room. "Have you ever seen an unexpected bulge on me?"
"No," I called back, "but I'm not sure that you're actually a boy."
"I take that as a complement. Do you want some help?"
I didn't really want anyone seeing me naked, not even Helen. However, I knew not to sniff at an offer of help. "Okay, but please don't laugh."
"I won't," Emma replied, coming through the doorway with Helen.
"Ahhh," I screamed. "Helen isn't allowed to see me with my underwear off."
"I think that rule is there so you don't have sex," Emma replied. "I don't think that is likely with what we are doing. Go and lie on the bed, that way I should be able to get easier access."
I moved to the bed and lay down on my back. "This is the first time I've ever done someone other than myself," confessed Emma. "So this might take a few seconds to get the feel. Now Helen, watch carefully. Till David gets the hang of this you might need to help."
"Oh crap," I moaned. "This certainly isn't my day."
There I was, exposed on my bed being examined by two girls. No matter how I looked at Emma, I couldn't see anything male about her.
"By the looks of things you've started puberty," said Emma as she looked at me. "Have you started shaving yet?"
"No."
"Well that will make passing easier."
"Passing?" queried Helen.
"That is when nobody suspects that you're physically different from how you portray yourself."
"Oh. All these terms are very confusing."
Emma just shrugged, "You get used to them."
Emma gently messed with my genitals and soon she gave a grunt of success. "Does that feel okay?"
"Fine," I replied.
"Well I've moved your testes back inside you. Now I'll release you and let them float back out. Then Helen can have a try."
"Do we have to?" I asked totally mortified.
"Well try doing it again yourself. If you succeed then she won't need to help you."
Helen turned round but Emma watched me. She gave some hints and after a minute I succeeded.
"Well done," crowed Emma. "Now try again."
This time Emma kept quiet and in a short time I was done. There was no need for Helen to help. I kept everything in place with one hand and pulled up the gaff. Everything stayed in place.
"Thanks Emma," I said, giving her a small hug.
"My pleasure," she replied, with a smile. "I didn't have anyone to help me learn, so I know how difficult it can be. Don't be worried about asking me for help if you need any more hints."
"But aren't you worried about spoiling things for the competition?" queried Helen.
"Not really as I won't be entering for best female. I'll leave you to it. If you have any more questions just ask. Oh and watch out for the breast forms, don't get the left and right ones mixed up."
With that, Emma was gone. I picked up the breasts and looked at them hoping to see an L or an R indicating which way they went. There was not such indicator. I looked a bit closer and noticed there were subtle differences.
"Let me help you with the bra," offered Helen. "They are a bit tricky at first."
"Thanks," I replied. "I don't think I will need to get used to it."
"I'm sure they run more that one mix-up Monday a year. Jill implied there'd been a few since she started helping."
"Oh crap."
"For someone who says that clothes don't matter, you're taking this very personally."
I lurched to tickle her, but Helen was too nimble and stepped out of the way. "If you're not quick, there won't be time to change for dinner," Helen warned me.
"I'd rather miss dinner than show up dressed as a girl."
"I could carry you."
"True, but you'd end up sleeping alone."
"You know I wouldn't do anything to humiliate you. Now let's get you into this bra."
I slipped my arms through the straps and Helen fastened me in. I hope she's kind enough to let me out later. I don't think I could manage to reach the clips at the back. Helen took the fake breasts; no sorry breast forms, from me and looked at them.
"Oh these look good. They have a left and right version."
She reached across and popped them into the bra cups.
"I thought breasts looked the same on both sides," I said, showing my naivety.
"Have you never seen a pair of breast?" asked Helen.
"No." I was tempted to ask if she was offering but decided against it. "Have you ever seen a penis before today?"
"Touché."
I slipped on the skirt and pulled the top on. It seemed strange pulling the top over the mountains protruding from by chest.
Helen stood back and examined me. "Not bad, but the hair is less than desired. Let's add a wig and see how it works."
She returned from the wardrobe with two wigs, the first blond and the second auburn. Neither was my natural brunette.
"Why not brunette?"
"I thought it would be nice for you to look different."
She tried both the blond and auburn on but she wasn't happy with the look. Reluctantly she found a brunette wig which closely matched my colour
"That's you," she said as she stood back to look at me, her face all dreamy looking.
"Is this the way you thought of me?"
All she could do was nod. I just stood there and let her take me in. Eventually she came out of her trance and said, "There's something missing."
"Makeup?"
"No, shoes. You're at school, so no makeup is allowed. If I wore makeup at school, apart from a school dance, I'd get sent to wipe it off. You're only thirteen and don't need makeup. You might need something if you had to shave."
Again Helen retreated into my wardrobe and returned with a feminine pair of trainers. "These will be ideal."
Thank goodness Helen was being sensible and not having me wear high-heeled shoes.
"How do you feel," she asked pensively.
"Surprisingly I'm fine. I don't know why, but this feels okay. The wig is a bit heavy, especially in this hot weather."
"Do you want to see yourself?"
Now why didn't I think of that? Earlier, when I'd worn the blonde wig, it must have zapped all my brainpower. I moved over to the mirror and peered in. Looking back was a young version of my mother. I did look like a girl. I might not have been pretty but I certainly looked the part. Why couldn't I have looked like a boy dressed as a girl, then things might have been easier.
I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned round and Helen swept me into her arms, giving me the biggest kiss that I'd ever had. I felt week at the knees as the kiss drowned any sensible thoughts. My own passion began to rise, which didn't have a good effect in the gaff. Ouch.
"I love you Jayne."
Who's Jayne? Oh yeah that's the name I'd have been called if I'd been born a girl. "You can't call me..."
I was interrupted by the shrill harsh sound of the fire alarm bell ringing throughout the school. The continuous ringing signalled immediate evacuation.
I grabbed my PDA and it was flashing "Fire Alarm — NOT A TEST". I pressed the "Route" button for the PDA to guide us safely to the assembly point.
"Oh crap, I didn't get changed." I said as we walked quickly out of the fire door.
Exposed...Trapped...And what do some students do after curfew?
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 9
"No, you can't go back to get changed," firmly stated Helen, blocking the door. "You read the screen, it isn't a test. I'm not having you risk yourself."
"I didn't smell anything," I pleaded. "I'll be okay."
"The answer is still no," she replied. "Now get moving before I carry you."
With a sigh I walked towards the assembly point, terrified what other people would think of me. Each year had an area where they would gather and would be confirmed safe. As we approached, I saw that the other six and Keith were already there. In the distance there was another group of people, which were the teachers and a few others who I didn't recognise. One person who was there was the mysterious man I saw at orchestra practice.
"Glad you're both safe," Keith said, checking off their names on his PDA. I was astounded that there was no comment regarding how I was dressed. It was as if they saw students turn up cross-dressed everyday. Coming to think of it, it was everyday that it occurred.
"So is there really a fire?" asked Helen, seeing no signs of thick billowing smoke.
"One of the cooks was practising a new technique for the crá¨me brá»lée and set off the smoke detectors."
"What were they using, a blow torch?" I joked, trying to avoid joining the others in the year.
"Something like that," he replied pressing a few buttons on his PDA. "You didn't register your female name on the system. If you tell me now, I'll update your profile and introduce you to the others."
I looked across and saw that I was being watched by not just the other year one pupils, but most others in the year.
"Jayne Laura Grant," I said softly, the name firmly imprinted on my mind. I don't think I'd ever forget any detail that Mum had written in the letter. Helen, who was standing next to me, gently squeezed my hand to let me know she was there. I returned the squeeze as a thank you.
Keith walked across to the six other first year students and said, "I'd like to introduce you to Jayne Laura Grant."
Emma leapt across and hugged me tightly, "I knew you'd look good," she whispered.
The others crowded round and soon we were chatting away as only children at school could. "Is this permanent?" asked Lewis.
"What?" I queried.
"Are you going to stay as Jayne?"
"NO!" I forcibly replied. "I was just practising for Monday and the alarm went off. Nobody was supposed to see me."
We chatted for another ten minutes before the all clear was signalled and we all trouped in doors. My thoughts of getting changed were dashed as my PDA pinged. "Special meeting" was filled in for half-ten tonight and the invite was for Jayne. I looked at the list of attendees and Helen was included. I looked across and saw she was giggling, so she obviously has spotted Jayne on the attendee list. I sent back a query as half-ten was past year one curfew. My plans of going back to David were spoilt, so I joined the others in the common-room.
"You get a lot of PDA messages," commented Brian.
"Really, don't you get many?"
"Only one or two a day. You and Helen appear to get a lot more."
"Probably because I'm always getting into trouble," I replied with a smile.
"Rachel mentioned earlier that you'd had a rather upsetting letter from home," said Paula. "Are you okay? Is there anything we can do?"
Emma flashed Paula a dirty look for mentioning the letter. "I'm okay now," I replied, smiling weakly. "The contents were just a bit of a shock."
I noticed that Helen shook her head at the others, to indicate that this was a closed subject. Richard put on the large screen television and we were soon watching a hilarious comedy; the day's worries forgotten.
I was glad when it was time for the evening meal. Missing lunch wasn't something my body enjoyed. I noticed Helen was eating quicker than normal and not in an entirely ladylike fashion.
"Jayne, take smaller bites," said Emma. It took me a few moments to realise she was talking to me.
"Huh?" I eventually said.
"Take smaller bites. You are trying to pass as a girl so you need to eat like one."
"Helen isn't," I commented, which resulted in me getting a sharp elbow in my side.
"Give it a try," persisted Emma. "Let's see if that helps your image."
I cut up my next mouthful into a smaller portion and placed it daintily into my mouth. After a few more mouthfuls I asked, "Is that better?" There were seven nods around the table. "Why me?" I thought to myself.
For desert I still had the crá¨me brá»lée. Only two were spoilt when the smoke detectors went off and they quickly made up replacements.
"Keith, do we get to learn cooking while we are here?" I asked between dainty mouthfuls.
"In later years, yes. Since most students complete their academic exams early they find cooking and other lessons relaxing. We don't like to send students out without skills they need in life. Cooking is just as important for a student in life as mathematics or geography. Why do you ask?"
Typical psychiatrist; always answer the question and then ask me one.
"I didn't want to turn out like my parents," I replied. "Neither of them can cook."
"Well I think your schedule is a bit full to worry about it yet," he replied with a laugh. "However, there is the Christmas pudding competition which you might find fun."
"What's that?"
"Each student pair makes a Christmas pudding. We use half of them for the Christmas party and the other half on Christmas day."
"But that's ages off," Richard pointed out.
"True, but the puddings need to be made a few months before, giving them time to mature. You also have to research your own recipe and order via the kitchen the ingredients. It is now late July so you have a few months to think about it. Most puddings are made in October; some do it earlier, some later, depending on what recipe they use."
"Surly a Christmas pudding is a Christmas pudding," I asked puzzled.
"There are lots of different techniques to making one. Some students even write home to get old family recipes. "Last year we even had one with figs and dates, which won a prize for most original pudding."
My PDA tinged and as I pulled it out Brian said, "See, you do get more messages than the rest of us."
I look at the message and it was from Stacy. "Your curfew has been waved for tonight. Go to your room for ten and I'll collect you both. This meeting is important as you will see in a few minutes."
As the meal finished there Mr Hobson stood up and the dining room fell silent. "I have two announcements. First, straight after this meal there will be a school showing of 'War of the Worlds' in the school cinema. Since the year one student's won't know where that is please just follow everyone else."
The room broke into excited chattering which Mr Hobson allowed for a few seconds. "Quieten down," he said. "Anyone would think we hadn't instilled some self discipline into you! Okay, second, due to complications with some of the venues for our French field trip, the date is being brought forward. Therefore, whatever gender you are currently portraying is the gender that you will go on the field trip and the gender you must stay, except for Monday."
I sat there stunned. I was stuck as Jayne for the next month. I looked up at Keith who nodded his head in confirmation.
"Did you know about this?"
"No, but the rules are true and you were told about them when you started. I've never known a field trip be conducted so early in the school year."
"Oh great, I'm nowhere near passable. I'll be a laughing stock in front of the French."
"No you won't," said Keith. "You will be given the training that you need to be able to pass. I'll get Rachel to make arrangements for Kelly Baxter to give you advice."
"Who is Kelly Baxter?"
"She is our expert on gender perception. She teaches the student how to move, talk and generally pass as the gender they want or need to be perceived as."
"Is there any way I can get out of this?"
Keith just shook his head. My fate was sealed. I couldn't believe how badly today has gone. I felt like crying but didn't have the energy to do it anymore. My stomach gave a few lurches but I kept myself under control. I closed my eyes and reminded myself that this was just clothes; it won't change who I am.
"I'll look after you," promised Helen.
I sighed a bit and nodded. I slowly exhaled and looked around at the anxious faces. I suppose that after this morning's breakdown people would be a bit cagey.
"I'm okay," I eventually said. "It is just clothing. It was just a bit of a shock."
"I think you ought to see Rachel to discuss this," said Keith.
"Would it be okay if I slept on it?" I responded after a moments thought. "I was more shocked and after all that has happened today, this isn't my top worry."
"I'll make sure that she's fine," added Helen. "If there are any issues then I'll contact Rachel immediately."
"Okay," reluctantly allowed Keith. "Now clear up, as everyone will be going to the cinema soon."
"You'll be okay," Helen said to me as we followed the other students down some stairs. "I know you don't want to hear this, but some students at the old school thought you were a girl. You won't need much polishing."
"In some ways you are more of a girl than Helen," said Paula from behind us. I thought Helen was going to give birth to kittens when she heard that, but instead she just turned around and stuck out her tongue.
At the end of the corridor was a room containing a miniature shop; with popcorn, sweets and drinks. This school never ceased to amaze me. I never thought they would go to this much trouble for a bunch of social misfits. The year one students stood, shocked for a few minutes but then gained their senses and were soon getting their supplies for a good evening's entertainment.
I hadn't been to a cinema for a few years, but what I remembered was that the seats were always a bit worn and the floor a bit sticky. This cinema was different. The seats were plush and the whole place sparkled. The seats were angled and positioned so that everyone had a perfect view of the screen.
When we were all seated and comfortable the film was started. There was no annoying adverts preceding the film but they did include trailers of up coming films so we could make badly informed choices of what we wanted to see in the future. The film was excellent with wonderful effects, but I found some of it a bit frightening and snuggled up to Helen for comfort.
As the film finished the time was approaching ten; so years one, two and three quickly scampered to their rooms. Helen and I went with them and waited. At ten minutes past curfew there was a knock on the door. Helen opened it, revealing Stacy.
"Let's go."
We followed her into the back of the school where there was waiting transport. A few minutes later three more girls joined us. I recognise Ingrid and Fran but the older girl was new to me. She hopped into the driver's seat and we set off. After a few minutes we went through a gate which Stacy opened. Eventually we approached a secluded building.
Since leaving our rooms nobody had said a word, so we quietly entered the building and we entered a room on the right.
"This building is the reason for the field trip being brought forward," started Stacy when we were all seated. "Ingrid and Fran have already met Brenda but I don't think that Helen and Jayne have."
I looked at Brenda for a moment and then it dawned on me who she was. I didn't say anything while I waited for the confused look to disappear from Helen's face. Helen eventually worked it out.
"I thought you'd never work it out," grinned Brenda in the same smile that Andy had.
"Okay, now we know who everyone is, let's get down to it," said Stacy becoming serious and business like. "First off, please give Brenda your PDA's. While we are here we mustn't use them as this is separate from normal school business."
We all handed our PDA's to Brenda who placed them on the windowsill.
"Since this is all your first time," continued Stacy, "let me explain. At any stage the school has six trainees to become field operatives. Last year there were four in year five, who have now left. So you four were chosen as being the most able candidates, with the skills required. You have already been warned not to discuss this with anybody else and I again warn you. Other students are being trained with skills so they can get other employment, or some as assistants. Next year when Brenda and I leave two students will replace us. They might be from the new intake, or they might be existing students. We are trainees and are referred to as the beta team. Due to our age we won't be asked to go on any missions. However, it is good practice for us to train and see how the alpha team do things."
This information was nothing new for Helen or me and by the looks of unsurprised, the other two. "So why are we here now in this building?"
"I was coming to that," Stacy said. "This is a replica of where part of the French tax records is stored. The alpha team are looking for specific transactions which it is believed have taken place. The French government are quite good at hiding this information, but we also believe they wouldn't miss out on charging tax, even for a possibly illegal sale."
"I take it the second field trip is going to where they suspect the evidence leads?" asked Fran.
"Yes."
"Which is?"
"I don't know and I didn't ask," replied Stacy. "The less people know the better. It wouldn't help us if it did, so we aren't told and we don't ask."
Stacy walked behind the desk and removed a set of building plans. "This is so much easier doing it with large plans, rather than on the PDA's. Now here is the entrance to the building and there is the room we think the information we require is held."
"Surely it isn't held on paper," Helen asked.
"No," replied Brenda, "but the information is secured to certain workstations. They have tried to circumvent that security but have always failed. This is the last resort."
"What security systems are in place?" Ingrid asked.
"We think we know about all of them," replied Stacy, pulling out a separate PDA out of the desk. "Here is a list."
"Why are we given access to this before the event," I asked. "For security reasons I'd presumed that we won't be told until afterwards."
"Okay, but keep this to yourselves," she said shrugging at the security camera on the far wall. "The alpha team are having trouble during the practice. It is setup deliberately hard with additional security measures put in place, just in case something has been missed. However, the team keep getting caught and want us to have a go."
None of us laughed, which was probably a relief for the people I'm sure that were watching us via the security camera.
"I have a list of things the alpha team have tried," said Stacy pressing a few buttons.
"NO!" I quickly replied. "If we look at what's been done already then that will influence. To get truly fresh ideas, we shouldn't look."
"Okay," replied Stacy, pocketing the PDA. "Let's give it a try for an hour."
I had never been more relieved at Helen saying to wear trainers. I'd never have survived in heels.
On the first two attempts we failed. However, on the third attempt we managed to all get into the room without alarms going off. However, I wasn't familiar with the computer system and set off an alarm. The PDA which Stacy had picked up beeped with a message. When she read it she laughed her sweet little laugh.
"Here is the message they sent," Stacy said, her voice still filled with mirth. "What the hell did you just do? Can you please do it again?"
We went down and redid it, again gaining access to the room. I didn't even attempt to gain access to the computer system, knowing I didn't have the knowledge. I knew I had some reading to do tomorrow. The PDA beeped and Stacy again read out the message, "Thank you ladies. You have given us all something to think about. Pleasant dreams."
When we neared the entrance Stacy dragged us all into the room and pressed a few buttons on the PDA. "We are now secured and even the alpha team can't listen. I just wanted to say thank you to all of you. You have done an excellent job here tonight. I want to say a special thank you to Jayne. This is her first day as female and it hasn't been an easy day for her at all. Letters from home can be nice, but they can also be full of hardship."
"Do you know the contents?" I asked.
"No, I know there was a letter but I didn't ask Rachel for the contents. She wouldn't have told me even if I did. I keep tabs so I know how far each of you can be pushed without breaking."
"Do you want to know the contents?" I asked with a sigh. A look of worry spread over Helen's face. "It's okay Helen. It is something I need to talk about. I just ask you all to keep it to yourselves."
"If you want to tell us, then it might help," replied Stacy. "You don't have to. Anyway you don't have it with you, do you?"
"I don't need it with me," I replied, by mouth drying up. "I don't think I'll ever forget what I was told."
I then relayed the letter word for word. As I went through the letter my voice started to tremble as I saw in my minds eye, my Uncle sitting in his own blood, his life seeping out of his ruggedly slashed veins.
When I finished the room was silent and still. The air tense with shock and horror at the details I'd just told them. As my eyes cleared, I noticed I wasn't the only one crying. Silent tears were trickling down all of their eyes.
"Thank you for telling us," said Stacy, wiping her eyes. "I'm surprised that Rachel didn't excuse you from mix-up Monday."
"She offered and I refused," I replied. "You saw a female part of me on Friday and my own mother saw how much like my Uncle I was. Rachel and Helen have also said how feminine I act. This is something I need to deal with. I hope this doesn't stop me being on the beta team."
"Not at all," replied Stacy. "It just confirms how much you will give of yourself."
Stacy went to the windowsill and handed us back our PDA's.
"Before we go I have something to do," I said clicking on my PDA. "I was upset with Andy regarding the incident at the last orchestra practice and was planning my revenge. After today, I realise that revenge would serve no purpose apart from causing the memory of the event to linger and might cause other silly pranks to occur. I've just sent to your PDA a file called 'revenge' and have deleted it from mine. If you want to play it, then I advise you to put your PDA into private mode."
Brenda quickly scrambled to listen to what was on her PDA. As she listened she turned white in shock and then red with embarrassment. "Thank you for not sharing that," she said still shaking. "Also, you've passed the test."
"Test?"
"Yes, I was asked to do that to you, to see how you reacted and behaved. Little tests are often used to see how year one students react to situations. We knew you would be able to exact some form of revenge, and it was needed to know if you would put the good of others before yourself. You just did that."
I stared at Stacy who shook her head, "No it wasn't me and no, I'm not telling you who."
"Was it a student or someone else at the school?" I asked trying to narrow the list.
"Yes," was the only reply I got. Ahhhh, how much more frustrating can she be?
Brenda pressed a few buttons and sent a copy to Stacy to listen to. Her eye's widened as she listened. When it was finished she deleted it and said, "How long did it take to put that together?"
"About an hour," I said. "Do you want me to discuss this with Julia, to get the loophole closed?"
"That might be advisable," agreed Stacy. Brenda was just nodding her head like mad.
Ingrid, Fran and Helen had sat there patiently while this discussion occurred. I know Helen would want to know what I did. The other two, after a year at the school, knew better than to ask.
It was nearly one in the morning by the time Helen and got back to our rooms. There was no way I was going to do an early morning cycle ride. When we'd got in Helen had gone into by wardrobe and removed a simple nightie.
"That's not on," I said. "You were wearing pyjamas."
"That's true," she said. "If I wear a matching nightie, will you wear it?"
After a few minutes of mentally reminding myself that it was just clothes, I nodded my head. We both quickly got ready for bed in our own bathrooms. I placed the breast forms back in their box and into the draw before joining Helen in bed. We were soon both asleep, exhausted from the days adventures.
I awoke and the adventure of the previous day came flooding back to me. I felt Helen's arm draped across my body and I sighed with contentment. When I heard her stir I turned over to face her.
"Morning," I said smiling and gave her a gentle kiss.
"Hi," she replied her face lighting up. She lazily ran her hands up over my side. "How's the nightie?"
"It was fine," I replied. "Just nightclothes."
"Oh," she replied a bit sadly.
"Helen, do you prefer me as Jayne?"
"Sort of," she eventually replied. "You don't act much differently. The clothes appear to fit your appearance a lot better though. Sorry."
"I'm glad you're happy."
"How do you feel?"
"With my hands!"
Helen smiled and tried to tickle me. I returned the favour and my hand accidentally brushed over her developing breasts.
"Oh sorry," I uttered in horror, quickly moving my hand back to myself.
"It's okay," she replied. However, the early morning laziness of being close together had gone. We were far too young to take things further, even if we were ready.
"I better go and have a shower," I eventually suggested. "We don't want to miss breakfast."
"That's true," reluctantly agreed Helen. I'd never seen the look she had in her eyes before. It looked like sheer bliss.
After my shower, I went into my wardrobe and started to pull out male clothes. When I turned around, I saw the nightie on my bed that I'd warn the previous night, reminding me that I should be Jayne. I carefully put back the male clothes and routed for something appropriate for church on a Sunday.
I came out with an ankle length skirt, nice top, bra and panties. I found the gaff and after a few seconds tucked myself before starting to get dressed. I found the bra difficult but persevered as I would be doing this for a few weeks and didn't want to be reliant on Helen. I placed the breast forms loosely inside the bra and finished dressing. I placed the wig on my head and walked to the interconnecting door which we always shut when we were getting dressed.
I knocked.
"I was just about to knock," said Helen opening to door. I almost fell on the floor. Helen was wearing things of a similar style to what I was wearing. The base colours were different to correctly reflect our own colourings, but they were in essence the same.
Her eyes lit up in amusement when she saw what I was wearing. "Where are your shoes?"
"I was unsure which pair to wear," I confessed. "I didn't want to try ones with heels but was unsure if sandals would be appropriate for church."
"Good thought. Let's go to breakfast wearing sandals and we can ask."
We had a packed morning because straight after breakfast we had a meeting with the vicar regarding Helens concerns over sexuality, followed by a communion service. Hopefully sometime after eleven o'clock we might have some time to ourselves. Things weren't destined to work out like that though.
"Have a seat," said George Trent as Helen and I walked into the vicar's office. I wonder if the school got a discount when they ordered all these nice comfy settees. They were all so similar in style. "Dr Ruiz mentioned that Helen had a few questions? Sorry, but which one of you is Helen."
I looked at the vicar again, wondering if he had lost his faculties. He looked nothing like I imagined him to be. For some reason I had expected a young vicar, perhaps trying to look trendy. George was nothing like that. He looked to be in his early fifties, smart and very professional looking.
"I'm Jayne," I answered.
"And I'm Helen," said Helen with a wry smile.
"Ah, excellent. Rachel said you had worries that being identified as a lesbian might cause you to go to hell?"
"Er, something like that," replied Helen looking slightly embarrassed. "I'm sorry if I'm wasting your time with something so silly and trivial."
"It's not at all silly and trivial. Faith is important to you, or you would not have had such questions. Now things always get a bit confused at this school, so can you please both tell me your sex at birth?"
"I was born male," I answered quietly. "This is just temporary. My male name is David."
"I was born female," Helen answered, "And I'm happy staying that way."
"That's great," said George, leaning back on his chair. "Now, why do you think you will go to hell?"
"Well, it's a bit difficult," said Helen blushing.
"It's okay," replied George. "I've talked about issues like this before. I'm not going to judge you. I'm not going to be shocked."
Helen blushed hard and fell silent for a minute, plucking up the courage to speak. George just sat back on his chair and waited.
"I love Jayne," she eventually whispered, frightened of saying it too loudly.
"Ah," whispered back George leaning towards her, "and do you love David?"
"Yes, though I always saw David as being a girl inside," she replied leaning closer.
"Did you know," started the vicar in a conspiratorial tone, while looking carefully around, "that God can hear whispers as easily as shouted voices?"
Helen's head snapped up and she saw the solemn look on the vicar's face. She stared for a moment, wondering what to make of his statement, when she saw the corners of his mouth start to twitch. Helen gave a slight smile, which was returned by the vicar. I just sat back upright, hoping Helen would be okay.
"Now," continued George in his normal tone. "What if Jayne, decides to go back to being David. Would you still love him?"
"Of course," replied Helen. "I love him."
"Then why do you worry?"
"Because it's a sin to be a homosexual and therefore I will go to hell."
"Will you?" replied George, sounding shocked.
"Uh?"
"I'm not going to go into if homosexuality is a sin or even if you are in a homosexual relationship. That is a discussion that will take a lot longer than we currently have. However, nobody on this world is perfect. We can only aim to try and live by the standards set but we will fail. God, however, doesn't just forgive our sins, he forgets them. I'm not saying you should go out and commit multitudes of sins but if you are truly repentant then I don't see why you should go to hell."
"But is it wrong?" again asked Helen. "I've not made love with Jayne, so am I sinful for thoughts?"
George sighed. "Rachel said that you attended church regularly before coming here. Do you remember the prayer you say early into the service where you ask for God's forgiveness?
Almighty God, our heavenly Father,
we have sinned against you
and against our neighbour
in thought and word and deed,
through negligence, through weakness,
through our own deliberate fault.
We are truly sorry
and repent of all our sins.
For the sake of your Son Jesus Christ,
who died for us,
forgive us all that is past
and grant that we may serve you in newness of life
to the glory of your name.
You can sin, not just in action but also thought. Sex at your age is illegal so I don't need to discuss about sex before marriage."
"So is love a sin?" I asked.
"It can be. Take one of the most famous quotes, 'the love of money is the root of all evils'. If you look back at the Ten Commandments it mentions about not lusting after married people; you shall not covet your neighbour's wife."
"So are we okay?" asked Helen.
"Why don't you come to the service and see how you feel about it," replied George. "You will find I am very liberal about certain things. I believe that you get closer to God, through love and honesty."
I'd not been to a church service for years as my parents didn't approve so it was with some trepidation that I went through the door into the chapel. I quickly looked around and noticed that the majority of the school were in attendance, though Helen and I were the only year one students.
I sat next to Helen towards the back of the church. A few moments later Fran and Ingrid sat on the same pew as us. I nervously began to gaze around the church. The bare walls were a huge contrast to the highly decorated main building.
"What will I do about communion?" I whispered in a slightly panicked state. "I'm going to stand out a mile."
"Do what I do," reassured Helen. "I'm not confirmed yet. I should have asked the vicar if they do confirmation classes."
The service started and in the first hymn I found that the school took as much pride in singing skills as they did in the orchestra. The harmony of the voices echoed round the chapel as the final cadence of the organ ended the first hymn.
"How did you find that?" Helen asked as we left at the end of the service.
"It was a lot better than I thought. I was very nervous about going for communion but everyone made it seem like it was no big deal. Can we go and change?"
"Sounds good to me."
Once changed into something more relaxing, they went down to the year one common room and found the other six year-one student's.
"We wondered where you were," stated Brian as we walked into the room.
"We went to church," replied Helen.
"I didn't know there was one," replied Richard. "Do many go?"
Helen filled everyone in, while I sat back and recovered. I was still amazed at how unfazed everyone was with me dressing as a girl. What I found even more worrying was how little I thought about it.
After a traditional Sunday lunch, where I was treated to half a glass of wine, we had a little break before the afternoon orchestra practice. The Sunday practice was an hour longer, running for three hours instead of the two hours during the week. All of us year one students played a nice relaxing game before practice so all went into the hall together. A few other students were already there, most busily putting their instruments together and generally warming them up.
I smiled to myself to see Jill already there, her instrument out. As I was taking out my instrument Jill started warming up and soon her random notes and scales, turned into her playing a piece of music. The normal chatter of people coming in vanished as the soulful melody swept across the room and tugged at their heart strings. I glanced at Helen who was sitting not far from Jill and saw a look of major concern on her face. Warm up songs were normally just something subconscious, so to play a tune with so much pain in it was very concerning.
I didn't get chance to speak with Jill, as no sooner than Jill had finished Mrs Russell appeared and started the rehearsal. "Okay, does everyone have with them the schedule I created on Friday, for what piece of music we would rehearse on which days?"
There was a general muttering as people took out their copies. "Okay, I want you to rip it up. Since the field trip is being brought forward we will have to bring forward finalising the music we will play. We are going to still do the 1812 Overture to finish the concert but we will be doing a few other pieces which Lewis is going to distribute now. Since we don't have much time, we will be rehearsing daily. Times will be uploaded onto your PDA's later today."
Lewis handed round the music and everyone scanned them to see how hard they were. I'd never heard of La Mer but I think I'd heard the other pieces. However, when I came across Sinfonia Concertante I quickly called him back. "Er Lewis, are you sure this is correct?"
"Yes," he replied with a slight smile. "It seems Helen, Jill and Wendy and you have the honour."
"But...but," I started to stutter but failed to get the words out. "I can't do this. My playing sucks."
Lewis just shrugged his shoulders, "I just was doing as asked. I think you play fine."
"But surly Kevin, being in year four, ought to play."
"Keep me out of this," he laughed. "I don't want to have to sit up front. Anyway, don't you want to play along side Helen?"
"I suppose," I murmured, turning slightly red. "So you don't care?"
"No. It will be good experience, and anyway you're a better player than me."
"No I'm not," I replied. "If I was we would be in different seats."
"I don't think it will be long before that happens. Horn isn't my primary instrument. I only took it up due to lack of players. I used to play violin but there were enough of them."
When all the music was distributed Mrs Russell called everyone to order, "Okay we will start with La Mer. Which I hope you all know means The Sea. This was premiered in 1905 in Paris, so it will be fitting for us to play it a hundred years later. Okay, so from the top-"
I'm not sure what I thought of this piece, Debussy was a bit modern for me. Perhaps it was sitting in the middle of the music that didn't do it justice. I'll just have to track down a copy tonight and listen to it.
"Take a ten minute breather," announced Mrs Russell after we had finished reciting the last segment of La Mer.
I rushed to Jill, only beaten by Helen. "Are you okay?" I heard Helen ask. The rest of the year one students gathered round.
"I'm fine," Jill lied. "It's just been a long day."
"Which we all want to hear about."
Jill looked around and saw our concerned faces and she crumpled slightly. "I'll tell you but not here and not now."
"Do you want to skip rehearsal?" I asked. "We can all go to the common room."
"I'm okay," she replied. "And I don't want to miss the Handel. I played it last year and it is so much better than the Debussy."
"Then after the rehearsal," stated Lewis.
"Back to your seats," shouted Mrs Russell, as she approached the podium.
"I'll make sure she doesn't escape," whispered Helen into my ear, before I scurried off to my seat.
"Is she okay," asked Kevin.
"I don't think so, but she refused to talk about it till after the rehearsal."
"She was worried when Julia had her final operation," confided Kevin as he drained water from his horn by gently rotating it. "However, that was nothing compared to how she is tonight."
"We tried to get her to skip the end of the rehearsal so we could try and help, but she wasn't having anything to do with it."
Was stopped chatting as Mrs Russell raised her baton and we started practicing the first of the five movements written in 1749 to celebrate the Peace of Aix-la-Chapelle. By the end of the rehearsal I didn't think I could blow another note.
As I cleaned out my horn before putting it away, I saw Jill trying to make a quick getaway. However, it looked like Helen and Paula had everything in hand. It took Paula a lot less time to put her flute away than Jill putting away her oboe.
"Jill," I started as I approached her. "Is it that bad?"
"I'll be okay. It's just been a bit of a shock."
"We have half an hour before we eat. Why don't we go to the common room and talk? You might feel better by getting it off your chest."
"Is this your new dress style?"
"No," I replied quietly. "I was practicing yesterday for mix-up Monday when there was a fire alarm. I stayed dressed and it was announced that the field trip would be in three weeks. There are rules that you stay the gender you are when the field trip is announced. Therefore till after the field trip I'll be Jayne."
I noticed Stacy hovering in the background. She gave a nod of approval and said. "Why don't you all go now? I will organise people to put away your chairs and music stands."
I looked around and noticed that Kevin had already taken care of mine and others were busy on the others. "Thanks Stacy."
"Look after her," whispered Stacy into my ear. "If you all need to miss the meal, don't worry. You won't go hungry. Remember; always put emotional issues before all others."
Leaving me with those words of wisdom, Stacy disappeared and I rushed to catch up with everyone else. In the common room the chairs were quickly dragged to one side, leaving a nice empty space. We all huddled together on the plush carpet to give Jill and each other comfort, if required.
"I seem to be causing nothing but trouble," started Jill.
"Hey, this is nothing," I replied. "I had a complete breakdown yesterday and caused Helen to miss lunch,"
"So what happened?" gently asked Helen as she held Jill.
"Adam has moved to the area and he recognised me," explained Jill.
We all looked at each other in confusion. Eventually I asked, "And Adam was?"
"Adam was Tom's best friend. He was one of my tormenters before I moved to Milton Keynes. I heard he blamed my mother for the accident that injured Tom. Since I never went back to the school I never had to see him and suffer his wrath."
"Doesn't anybody at the school know about Bill?"
"No, when I switched to being Jill fulltime I moved schools. A few of the teachers know but that is it. It's wonderful not to worry about being a label; to the other pupils I am a girl."
"And you are worried that you will be treated differently if they find out what's in your underwear?"
"I'll be called a freak. I didn't have the best school life last year and since I've lived fulltime I've been able to concentrate on other things such as Anna."
"Are you sure that Adam recognised you?"
"Oh yeah," she sobbed. "He came up to me yesterday and called me Bill. He said that Monday would be the day he gets his revenge for Tom."
We all inched forward and tried to give comfort to Jill. Helen who had already got Jill in her arms gently rocked her.
"Do you think he would beat you up?"
"I don't know what he's going to do. He was a bully at school and often did the dirty work for Tom. I was lucky that he didn't beat me up when we were in the same class but Tom was always one for humiliation. As much as I despised Tom, he did stop Adam from being physical."
We sat there in silence, each of us wondering what words of comfort we could offer but all failing. The bleakness of the situation rang deep into my heart as I remembered my own days of torture that ended less than a week ago. Was it only five days ago that I nervously left home? So much had happened that it seemed a lifetime ago.
"What about Tom?" Sam queried. "Could he still act as a break? If you contacted Tom would he help?"
We looked up at Jill, hoping that Sam had solved the issue. "Not likely," wailed Jill with a rather unladylike snort. "Tom blames me for his Dad being drunk. He says that if I caused him to get into trouble, which caused an argument between his parents. His Dad then went down to the pub to escape and got drunk. If his Dad wasn't drunk then Tom would be whole and his Dad wouldn't be in prison. So no, I don't think Tom will help."
"They didn't make him a girl then?"
"No, I think he'd rather be dead than that. His penis is about half its previous size and the doctors are unsure how it will react when he goes through puberty. It's doubtful he will ever be able to be a father."
"Have you seen the time?" suddenly asked Lewis. "It's just past seven, so we've missed dinner."
Jill's sniffs suddenly stopped and she gave a rather strange giggle. "Jayne, you only stopped Helen eating. I've stopped the lot of you."
Paula took out her PDA, "Hi, Rachel. Sorry about us not turning up for dinner but we were helping Jill...Oh you knew. Are we too late for the meal? ... Oh thanks. Lewis will be pleased!"
"And?" questioned Lewis as Paula put the PDA in her pocket.
"Calm down Lewis, food is on the way. It seems Stacy had forewarned the kitchen staff straight after the rehearsal that we might be delayed so they kept it from going cold. It seems a bunch of volunteers are bringing it here with lap trays, so let's rearrange the settees."
A few moments later there was a knock on the door, which Emma opened. In came Rachel and a stream of year five students.
"How is Jill doing?" asked Rachel quietly to me.
"She should be okay to go home later," I replied. "It has helped her talking about it. There is the possibility that she might be 'outed' tomorrow, as someone from the school she was at seven months ago has just moved into the area."
Rachel thought for a second, "There is always the offer that was made on Thursday."
"I'd thought about that. However, I think that suggestion would just upset her even more. I don't think that Jill has mentioned any of this to Julia. So it might help if you updated her."
Rachel and the year five students departed and we all tucked into our meals. I made a mental note to thank Stacy when I next saw her. Even though we hadn't been able to help Jill resolve her issue, she knew she wasn't alone. What ever happened we would be there for her.
At half nine Julia knocked on the door. I answered the door and soon after Jill departed for home. That night I did something I'd never done before; I prayed.
"Were you praying?" asked Helen.
"Yes, for Jill. I feel so helpless about tomorrow. I just hope that Jill will be okay."
"So do I," murmured Helen snuggling up to me. "However, we won't know anything till we see Jill at tomorrow's rehearsal."
How do the students cope with the arrival of Mix-up Monday.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 10
Mix-up Monday arrived and we all had to dress differently from how we were when it was announced. Since I'd been dressed as a male at the time of announcement, then I'd have to be Jayne for most of the day. Well, until after orchestra practice, when I'd have to attempt androgynous.
After my shower, I dressed as Jayne. I still had to stop myself from choosing the male clothes. Since I was doing this for the next few weeks, I wonder if I could learn how to glue the breasts on. That might help jog my memory and having to redress when I remembered.
When I saw Helen, I almost laughed. She might be stronger than me, but she looked like a girl in boys clothes. Her hair was still in her usual style and her chest didn't look as flat as a thirteen year old boys.
"How do I look," she asked, with her usual smile.
"Honestly?" I replied.
"Of course," she said, her smile fading.
"Well, you look like a girl in boys clothes," I replied. "The minimum you need is to change your hairstyle a bit and put on that compression vest, to hide your breasts."
"I'm not that big yet," she complained.
"Well they still show. Why don't you put your hair in a ponytail at the neck, instead of a high pony? Oh and use an elastic band instead of a scrunchie."
I went to find the compression vest and when I turned round she was already taking off her top. I threw the vest at Helen and rushed out of the room. I quickly sat on my bed and let out a huge sigh of relief as I removed my panties and gaff Getting turned on while wearing a gaff wasn't something I wanted to do very often.
I contemplated having a shower, but a few moments of pure thoughts and I was calm enough to get dressed again. Helen had taken up my suggestions and was looking a little less feminine.
"You're certainly looking a lot better," I said. "Not quite male, but certainly not female; perhaps androgynous."
"Really?" she asked with a pout.
"With a pout like that, you are nicely back classified as female."
At least her walking didn't let her down. In fact her gait was more on the masculine side. Perhaps she was more a tomboy.
"Have you chosen a name?" I asked as we left for breakfast.
"I thought about calling myself David, but that might have caused some confusion, so I decided on Christopher. I can then call myself Chris for when I'm androgynous."
"Great thinking batman," I said, "but don’t forget to update your school profile."
"Oh yeah," she said pulling out her PDA. After a minute of puzzled tapping she said, "There is something wrong with mine. Everything is in French.'
I quickly pulled out mine and sure enough everything was in French. "Mine's the same. I wonder if they are preparing us for the field trip."
"Well, I've remembered enough French to update my profile, though by the looks of things, no other year one students have."
"Well they weren't around when Keith told us about updating the profiles. Looks like we have a few minutes to spare, so why don't we relax in the common room?"
Inside the year one common room were two girls. By there sizes I presume one was a female Lewis and the other Brian. Brian looked uncomfortable as a girl and looked very much like a boy dressed as a girl. He might have put on girls clothes and tried to present himself as a girl but he failed. The girl that I presume was Lewis looked very upset at being back at her birth gender and had picked clothes that verged on androgynous.
"Let me introduce you to Christopher," I said pointing to my partner.
"Hi Christopher," they replied together.
"I'm Anne," said Lewis. "This wasn't my original name. I just couldn't bear to ever hear that name again."
"I'm Brenda," informed Brian, trying to sound feminine but sounding more like a strangled Mickey Mouse.
"Someone in year five also goes by the name Brenda as their female alias, so if I get confused please forgive me."
"You know someone in year five that well?"
"Andy who plays percussion. We have had a few chats since the incident the other day. If it wasn't for her having the same smile as Andy I would never have guessed." I hoped that Brian wouldn't press the issue as there was no way I could explain why or how I saw Andy as Brenda. Fortunately for me Helen, now Christopher changed the subject.
"You need to update your PDA's to show your alias," Christopher explained. "It certainly will make it easier to work out who people are."
Lewis, now Anne and Brian, now Brenda both pulled out their PDA's. "Something's wrong with mine," started Anne. "Mine is showing in French."
"So is mine," added Brenda.
"Ours are too," replied Christopher. "We think it is to help us prepare for the field trip."
"Oh great," replied Anne in disgust. Brenda just shrugged his shoulders and offered to help Anne.
"Brenda isn't allowed," sighed Brian. "They must only allow one person to have an alias to avoid confusion. I really wanted to have a name starting with B."
"Why don't you try Belinda or Barbara?"
"Do you like Barbara?" he asked Lewis.
"Give it a try."
Brian tapped a few buttons and Barbara was born.
A few minutes later a boy and girl arrived. The boy looked like a masculine version of Sam, so I presume the rather fetching girl was Richard. Sam had made a big effort to try and appear masculine and had pulled it off. Looking again Sam hadn't actually changed much. Perhaps Sam's was born a boy, though I decided to withhold judgement till I saw Sam as a girl. Richard looked very much like Wendy. He looked very relaxed in the way he carried himself in the clothes and I very much doubted that it was the first time.
I introduced Anne, Barbara and Christopher and told Sam and Richard to update their profiles. Again there were complaints about their PDA's being in French but they both managed to update their details without help.
"I was going to be Rachel but I thought that might be confusing, so I've pumped for Jessica," informed Richard.
"Surprisingly I'm going to be Samuel," said Sam with a grin. "Though why don't you just call me Sam for short."
This only left Paula and Emma. Neither of them appeared before it was time for breakfast so we left for the dining room without them. Inside I was surprised to see that nobody looked out of place. Girls looked like girls and boys looked like boys. A great care went into people appearing and behaving as they were dressed. I looked across at the year five table and saw Brenda taking away with a dashing young man, who I could only presume was Stacy. Impressive. I quickly pulled up Stacy's information and found her male alias was Marcus.
Neither Emma nor Paula was at our table and instead of Dan, Mr Hobson and another lady was there.
"Sit down," said Mr Hobson. "Let me introduce you to Kelly Baxter. She will be judging you today. If you have any questions in how to portray yourself, she is the lady to ask. Now Emma is very upset about showing herself in male clothes and is having a chat with Dan."
"You're doing very well," said Kelly quietly to me. "I'd like to arrange for you to see me on Wednesday for some tips."
"Thank you," I replied. "I will need them. Till two days ago I'd never tried to dress as a girl and I will need all the help I can. I don't think I thanked you properly for the lovely meal last week. You have a lovely house."
"Why thank you," smiled Kelly slightly shaking her head. I was unsure what she meant by that and I didn't really think I wanted to, so I kept quiet.
"Before we commence with breakfast," said Mr Hobson as he stood up. "Some of you might have noticed that your PDA's are now in French mode. They will stay that way till after the field trip. After breakfast all television and radio stations will be locked to French speaking stations. After breakfast, I would also like you to try and conduct all your conversations in French. Years three, four and five shouldn't have any trouble as they all have studied French a few years ago. Years one and two might find it a bit more of a challenge but I hope you find the challenge a worthy one. So enjoy your last small talk in English for a little while. Enjoy your breakfast."
All the people on the year one table turned their gaze to Brian, now Barbara. She gave a small laugh and said, "I'll help as much as I can. If you get stuck just ask."
In the corner of my eye I noticed Mr Hobson nodding his head in approval.
After we had cleared away and before we disappeared to our first lesson, Mr Hobson said, "Sam, you need to change just before lunch. You're therefore excused from your specialist lesson. Also classes will start fifteen minutes late as I want to speak with you all. Is it okay if I join you in your common room, or would you rather do it in a classroom?"
We all looked round at each other and I noticed we were all nodding. "The common room sounds a good idea," I replied for us all and we all departed to find out what Mr Hobson wanted. He was joined by Kelly and four of the psychiatrists. Dan was obviously still with Emma and Paula.
"Okay, initial impressions are that you have all made an effort to achieve your goals. Some have succeeded more than others, due to various reasons. Kelly will be shadowing you during the day, so if you have any questions than please ask her. She speaks fluent French but the conversation might go beyond your level of French so feel free to speak in English if that is needed. If trying to portray yourself in the opposite gender gets too much then please seek help from a fellow pupil or any of the psychiatrists. It is meant as an opportunity for you to learn more about yourselves and others here."
As he finished the door opened and in came Emma with a male. We all ignored the adults and crowded round them, all giving Emma hugs.
"Thank you," she said rather shakily. It sounded like her voice hadn't recovered from her earlier trauma. "By the way, let me introduce you to Paul. He's far braver than I've been."
"No more of that," said Paul, trying to sound masculine, but failing. "You tried and it was too much. Nobody thinks any less of you."
"You've been very brave," I said. "It takes a lot of guts to admit it isn't something you can do and you got help, which is the right way forward."
"Il est temps pour votre premiá¨re leçon," said Mr Hobson.
I loitered for a moment to have a quiet word with Rachel. "Any news from Jill?"
"Jill is at Anna's this morning while Julia is here. This afternoon Julia will stay home till she comes in with Jill for orchestra practice. Jill will get changed here for her part in Mix-up Monday so her neighbours don't see anything strange."
"If anything happens, you will let me know?" I asked.
"If I can," she said promising nothing.
"Oh and can I see someone about getting adhesive for the breast forms?"
"Book yourself an appointment with the school nurse during your study period."
I caught up with the others just as they were entering the classroom for an hour of Mathematics. Kelly sat at the back to observe and we just took our normal seats.
"Bonjour."
I looked around to see everyone's face fall. It seemed, like me, that they had hoped that Mr Hobson had been joking about everyone speaking French. Are we really going to have our lessons in French? I wonder if we shall have our English lesson conducted in French. I just hoped that speaking French wouldn't stop my newfound skill in maths.
Now and again a word or phrase would be said that we didn't understand and would get translated. We were then expected to remember and use in future. It was hard enough trying to understand differential equations let alone know the French.
Lessons progressed as per normal and even in French I was getting much more out of them than at my previous school. I think I'd covered more in a week than I used to do in three months.
At half past eleven I kissed Christopher goodbye and headed up to see the nurse. Her office was next door to Dr Sue's so it wasn't any trouble to find.
"Come in Jayne," she said opening her door. Even though she had never met me, she knew my name. I wonder if there were wanted posters with my name and picture on.
Ten minutes later I'd been given a lesson on the proper way to glue them on and was walking down the corridor with a strange tug on my chest. The adhesive and solvent would be put in my room later. What service.
I joined the others in the common room. They were all there apart from Sam, who was getting changed. Just before lunch a sweet looking girl appeared. She wasn't a stunner but she looked like a girl, moved like a girl and spoke like a girl. It was at that point that I gave up trying to work out what someone's birth gender was. I'd spent nearly a week with Sam and was still no closer to finding out Sam's birth gender."
Half way through my tuna salad, Rachel came up to me, "Jayne, can you come with me. I need your help with Jill."
"What's happened?" I asked getting up.
"You'll be filled in on the way," she replied.
Christopher got up to accompany me but was stopped. "Christopher, not this time," Rachel said. "You aren't yet fully passable in male mode and there isn't time for you to get changed. Sorry."
I rushed out following the quickly departing Rachel, understanding that we must be going outside the school grounds. I felt flattered that she thought I was passable.
In the hallway I heard another voice, "Can Jayne come with me?"
I looked and saw Marcus. Wow, Stacy even sounded male. Or was it that Marcus was the real person and he did a good job at sounding feminine? I couldn't tell and wasn't about to start having a guessing match.
Rachel turned and saw the look of determination on his face and just nodded her agreement. Once out the front door we all broke into a run. Rachel got into her car and I followed Marcus to another one.
As Marcus drove the car out of the school gates she said, "Jayne, what you see happen when we pick up Jill mustn't be discussed with anyone other that Helen/Christopher."
"No problem," I replied. "Is Jill okay?"
"It seems there is a group of people outside of Jill's house causing a lot of trouble. There have been threats to them and it isn't safe for them to get out. Anna is also there and there have been a few threats against her. Due to you only being thirteen you weren't going to be asked along. However, Jill won't recognise me or any others."
"So what's going to happen?"
Once the mob has been dealt with, we will drive Jill and Anna back to the school and Julia will drive down herself. Rachel will stay round the corner out of the way.
"Do I dare ask what is planned?" I asked moving my feet from a large canvas bag.
"Due to some of her work at the school, Julia's house is registered as a building which could contain secure information. Therefore the police are treating this as a priority. There has been a nasty rumour that Adam has information regarding the recent terrorist attacks in London."
"But isn't that over the top?"
"Yes," Marcus admitted, "but when he gets released he will be too busy to cause trouble and hopefully the other people he's got to cause trouble won't mix with him in the future. The police moved them on earlier and the mob just came back. The police are waiting for specialist reinforcements. They are short stretched at the moment due to them sending spare people to help in London. Their specialist teams are down there. Apparently there aren't enough police officers trained in firearms for some of the operations they are mounting."
"So where do we fit in?"
"Well firstly, I need you to navigate. Once there we will park in a parallel street and enter from the back. Anna and Jill are terrified. Julia is trying to keep them calm but it is difficult while she is also stopping them getting into the house. Just before we set off, somebody tried to petrol bomb their house. Julia was able to extinguish the fire before it took hold."
"But Adam is only thirteen, how could he do such things?"
"Some people start getting into trouble earlier than others," he replied. "I was attacked when I was eleven by someone my age."
"Attacked?" I said in shock.
"Raped," he replied quietly. "I was born male and was out dressed as a girl. Someone thought it would teach me a lesson."
I put my hand on Marcus's leg as a sign of support. It was the only thing I could do. Marcus needed to concentrate on his driving.
"I'm well past it," he replied, not telling of the nightmares he sometimes still had. "I just don't want to stand by and watch someone else get terrorised. There is a map in the bag. I want you to find Browns Wood and direct me there. There are also two headsets, put one on and pass me the other."
I passed her the headset, put mine on and studied the map. "I've found it. Stay on this road till we get to the roundabout. As long as there isn't a train due we can take a shortcut."
Marcus just nodded, driving the car along the road faster than she should have done.
"It looks like a few more have joined," I heard Julia's say via the headset.
"Take the forth exit," I told Marcus, trying to keep my voice from showing the panic in my voice.
The roundabout was clear and we went round quicker than I'd have liked. Marcus opened up the engine and we were soon going through a level crossing, which started to close just behind us. Two minutes later we were in a road parallel to where Jill lived.
"Julia, we are in position," informed Marcus into his headset, grabbing the bag. "Get Jill to unlock the back door when she sees Jayne."
"Acknowledged."
As we made our way quickly through a side gate into someone else's back garden I asked, "I thought we were too young to go on a mission?"
"This isn't a mission," he responded. "We are helping a friend."
Marcus gave me a leg up and I was thrust over the fence. Nobody at my old school would have believed that I could ever get involved with something like this. David Grant jumping over fences and rescuing people under attack. I couldn't believe it myself.
After I picked myself up and felt the scratches I hissed, "Go a bit to the right, I fell on a rosebush."
I didn't wait for Marcus but ran towards the house where I saw Jill opening the back door. I really wished I'd worn trousers today. Skirts weren't very practical for rescuing people.
"Where's Anna?" I asked, trying to catch my breath. No wonder we do cycling or running.
"Upstairs, locked in the bathroom," replied Jill in between her worried sobs. "I was there myself till Julia told me to unlock the back door. What are you doing here?"
"Jill, go and get Anna," said Marcus coming through the door. "Keep down and try not to get noticed."
Marcus shut the door and we both sat on the floor, gently getting our breath back. It didn't take Marcus as long as me due to his enhanced fitness level.
"Hi Anna," I said as she came through the door with Jill.
"Who are you?" she asked, her face marked with tear stains.
"That’s Jayne. You might know her as David," informed Jill, blowing her nose.
"Oh," replied Anna. "It suits you."
"Thank you, I think. This is Marcus," I said introducing my fellow rescuer.
Anna looked at Jill but Jill just shook her head. "I've never met Marcus before."
"You have," he said. "I'll tell you later. Just think about the activity going on at the school today. Now, how do you feel about going over the back fence?"
"I don't think I could make it," said Anna as she broke down into tears again. "Did you come that way?"
"Yes, Marcus pushed me over the fence and then managed to get over himself."
"Looks like you fell into the rosebush," said Jill, looking at my scratches.
"Yeah."
"I want you three to stay in the back," said Marcus. "I heard that the police are going to be coming soon. I'm going to check on Julia."
"The police were no help earlier," sobbed Anna. "What are they going to do, send in the army?"
A single police siren broke through the noise of the protesters and Jill broke into a hysterical laugh, "What is a single police car going to do?"
A few seconds later a couple of shots rang out through the air, which I could only hope were warning shots. Jill and Anna stopped crying and looked frightened. I pulled them into me. "It's going to be okay," I reassured them.
The chanting from the mob stopped. I held onto the two frightened girls, waiting for the all clear. We saw a man run into the garden. I presume he'd jumped over the fence.
Anna started to give a small scream which I muffled with my hand. "Shush," I hissed. "You don't want him to see us."
"That’s Adam," hissed Jill.
"Put your hands into the air," boomed a voice in the garden and I saw two armed police officers approach Adam.
I watched in amazement as he was ordered, while under the gaze of two high powered riffles, to strip. Adam was stupid enough to refuse and one of the officers fired a warning shot just by his feet. I don't think I've seen someone get naked so quickly. Not a pleasant sight. He was soon in a special gown and being carted off.
"Wow," said Anna, peeping from behind Jill. "That's just like what happened when they arrested that terrorist in London. Did they really think he had explosive strapped to his body?"
Marcus came through the door with Julia and a police officer.
"Are you ladies okay," he asked.
"I think they are shaken," replied Julia, who looked like nothing had happened. "Marcus parked round the corner, would it be possible for them to leave?"
"Of course," he replied, "though it might be best if you get the car and bring it round."
"Why such a big scene on arresting Adam?" asked Jill.
"He might be linked to the current terrorist threat," replied the policeman. "We received a tip off earlier and we were hunting for him. You should be glad that the policeman that attempted to move them on earlier had recognised him."
Jill and Anna looked surprised so I said, "It's strange times, we are just so grateful."
"Oh yes," they replied simultaneously.
"Julia, just a reminder," said the policeman suddenly remembering something. "You will need to fill an incident form within twelve hours."
"Er thanks," replied Julia giving the policeman a meaningful glance.
"Oh, er sorry," he replied.
Marcus pulled up and we were escorted to his car. I climbed in the back with Jill and Anna, so I could give comfort if needed.
"I'll see you soon," said Julia to Jill, giving her a hug. "I just need to secure the house."
Marcus slipped the car into gear and drove off, leaving Julia to sort out the mess and answer questions from inquisitive neighbours.
"This isn't the way to my house," said Anna.
"I was going to take you to Hayfield Hall," replied Marcus. "You should be safe there."
"As guests or pupils?" asked Jill suddenly.
"Pupils."
"Then I refuse to allow Anna as my study partner," Jill responded.
"WHAT!" Marcus screeched, quickly pulling into a lay-by.
"I found out last week that Jill was aware that pupils are not able to see their family during or after there stay at school," I replied wearily. "Jill does not want Anna to go to the school because she is aware of the closeness between Anna and her parents."
"What about what I want?" Anna asked.
"What do you want?"
"I want to be with Jill," she replied. "If my parents agree to me going to the school then I will go. With all the fuss outside Jill's house it won't just have caused Jill difficulties but also me. I'm known to be good friends with Jill and people will understand that I knew Jill's secret. You must have heard my name was being chanted as much as Jill's or Julia's. I take it I would still be allowed to correspond with my family, but just not discuss the going's on at the school?"
"Yes, you can still correspond with your family," Marcus replied.
"Today we are running something called Mix-up Monday," Marcus explained. "That is where the boys dress as girls and girls dress as boys. Would you be willing to partake in such activities?"
"It sounds a bit strange," she replied, "but I don't see any problem. I helped Bill dress as Jill for the first time. I'm sure I could cope with dressing as a man. I take it that you are a girl. I'm very impressed."
"Do you remember the girl that welcomed you to the school? That's me."
"Stacy?" gasped Jill. "Wow."
"Marcus, can we get Rachel to meet us at Anna's parents house. That way she can discuss things with her parents."
"My parents are both at work."
"Rachel will track them down," Marcus said confidently. "Stay here, while I ring her."
Marcus got a mobile phone out of the bag and moved away from the car. When he came back he looked a lot better, less grim.
"Rachel was just down the road. She has contacted your Dad, Anna, and he will be home in fifteen minutes. He is also contacting your Mum so she can join the discussion."
We all chatted quietly for fifteen minutes and then headed to Anna's parents house. When we arrived, Rachel had just finished briefing Anna's parents on the mob attack. They quickly got up and were suddenly hugging their daughter and Jill. It brought tears to my eyes seeing a genuinely happy family being broken apart by a nutter. I was glad that Helen wasn't here to witness this.
"Jill's secret is out," Anna explained. "So she will never be treated as if she was born a girl and she might have to experience such intolerances again. She has been offered a place at Hayfield Hall as a fulltime student. That school is tolerant about people with gender issues."
"Do you start in September?" asked Mrs Scott.
"The pupils at that school live there all year round," explained Mr Scott to his wife. "What I think Anna is trying to say is, that if Jill goes she will never see us again, or Anna again."
Mrs Scott was so shocked it didn't occur to her to ask how he knew. "Oh Anna," she said, scooping her daughter into her arms. "I know you love Jill so much."
"I can go with Jill," she said, "but then I won't see you."
I was grateful that Anna didn't say 'ever' on the end of the last statement. I think she realised that if she did, then they would never agree to it.
"But educationally, what's the school like?" asked Mr Scott.
"The students are highly intelligent and most take there exams earlier. Currently all the students that are sixteen have five top grade A-Levels. That is two years earlier than other schools."
After what Mr and Mrs Scott thought was an in depth discussion of the school, it was decided that Anna would accompany Jill and Beth would move in with the Scott's.
"Anna, shall I help you pack?" asked Mrs Scott.
"Lisa, all the student needs are provided, including clothing. Students don't take anything with them," patiently explained Rachel.
"Oh," was Lisa Scott's only reply sad at not having a few moments alone with her daughter for the last time.
"I could do with some fresh air," I said getting up. "Please excuse me."
"Me too," said Marcus cottoning on to my train of thought.
"And I need to organise things at the school," said Rachel. "Before I go, I need to give you this card. This is a special PO Box number which we collect from once a week. We don't allow visitors so we don't give out the address of the school. As you can see, there is an emergency non-geographic phone number. That is constantly manned but must only be used in conditions such as death of a family member."
Marcus and I climbed into the car and waited while Rachel drove off back to the school.
"I can't believe it was only six days ago since I left home," I mentioned, staring out of the window car window having moved to the front of the car. "It seems like a lifetime ago."
"You've not experienced much yet," replied Marcus with a smile. "The fun has barely started."
I was about to ask what he meant by that, but I didn't get chance as Jill and Anna walked to the car. Both were holding each others hands and both were trying to bravely face their future.
How does everyone cope with two new students during Mix-up Monday
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 11
Jill and Anna looked rather apprehensive as we walked from the car towards the main entrance. Their hands, which they had held all the way from Milton Keynes, were still firmly conjoined.
"That must have been very difficult," I said to them. "I didn't know about the rule when I joined and neither did any of the other students."
"Jill couldn't have stayed at home any longer," said Anna, "and I would hate to loose Jill. I couldn't do it. I've just got to hope that the rules change so I'm able to see my family again."
"I think that most students would love for the rule to change," agreed Marcus. "However, the rule is there to protect us all. If the general public knew what happened in this school, then the school might become a target, just as Jill and Julia were targets today. Oh and please remember that the year one students aren't aware of that rule, so please don't discuss it."
"What happens next?" Jill asked.
"Christopher will show you your rooms and explain about the school in detail. I know, Jill, that you've helped out here for several months but there are a few things that you haven't been told. I'm sure you've picked up some yourself but other things will be new."
"Who's Christopher?" asked Jill. "I don't remember a Christopher."
"Christopher is the male name for Helen," I explained. Then I turned to Marcus and asked, "Why is just Christopher doing it?"
"You need to go and see the nurse and get your grazes checked out. They are probably nothing but Mr Hobson would be very upset if anything happened to you. He was worried enough with me going to Julia's. When he realised that you were the only one that Jill would recognise he took a lot of persuasion. The safety of his pupils is his top priority."
Obviously some rumour must have circulated the school, as when we went through the front door, we saw that all the pupils were gathered. Over the next two minutes Jill and Anna must have been hugged by every student in the school. Even the shy year one students joined in. I only got one hug and that was from Christopher. He attached himself to me as soon as I got through the door and he didn't let go till Marcus coughed.
"Christopher, can I ask you a favour?" Marcus asked, switching back to French.
"Of course," quickly replied Christopher, ever the trusting one.
"Will you look after Jill and Anna?" asked Marcus switching back to English to make sure that Christopher understood. "Jayne needs to go and see the school nurse. Show them to their room and get them into school clothes. After that it might be best to introduce them to the school network. I doubt network ID's will have been created for them yet but give that a try."
"Are you hurt," Christopher asked, looking me over.
"I fell into a rose bush," I said blushing. "It's just scratches."
"I have to get myself checked out as well," added Marcus. "It will keep Mr Hobson from worrying too much."
"It will be getting towards orchestra practice so I'll take them straight to that," decided Christopher. She gave Jayne a quick kiss on the lips and watched as Jayne disappeared after Marcus.
The spontaneous gathering of students in the entrance hall quickly ended and the crowd gradually dissipated. There were no angry words from the teachers about it, they understood how important student interaction was and it was positively encouraged. Two people had just been through a harrowing experience and it was only right that they were there to show love and support. Even though Julia was the only teacher that was transsexual, many of the teachers wished that they'd been to such a supportive school.
"Twice in one day," commented the school nurse when she saw me arrive. "I think this is a record."
"You have such a lovely smile that I couldn't resist," I responded, trying my best to keep a straight face.
After the nurse checked me over and cleaned up the grazes, she pronounced me fit. "You'll be fine. Now this evening you are supposed to be androgynous. Would you like me to remove your breast forms; save you traipsing back to your room?"
"That’s very kind," I said, having totally forgotten the rest of the day's activities.
Soon after, I was placing the two wobbly bits of silicone into the bra cups. It seemed odd not to have them attached to me. It had only been a few hours since they were initially attached and now I felt bereft.
Just as we finished up Mr Hobson appeared. "How are they?" he asked.
"They're both fine. Jayne has a few minor scratches from a rosebush but that is the extent of any physical injuries. I would like both of them to have individual chats with their support person."
"They are both assigned to Dr Ruiz," informed Mr Hobson without needing to check. "I'll ensure that they do that later. I've also scheduled Jill and Anna to speak to her as well but it will be later. Dr Ruiz wants them to know they have friends with the other year one students."
I checked my PDA and after deciphering the French, worked out where Jill and Anna were; in the same room as last time. When I got there, I found Christopher explaining about the computer system. Jill, probably taught by her father, wasn't a computer dummy and it appeared that Anna wasn't either. They soon had a basic grasp on the system and were, with Anna translating for Jill, ordering their evening meal.
"As per before, you can only wear the clothes that the school provides," I reminded them. "Why don't Christopher and I go next to our rooms, which are just opposite, while you get changed? Jill, you said you were going to take part in Mix-up Monday but with today's incident Rachel said you could be excused. Anna, since you weren't aware of it, I presume you don't have to take part."
Christopher and I went to our rooms and snuggled up on the settee in my room. Christopher was pleased to hear that I wasn't going to get infections from the prickles and scooped me into his arms. I don't think I'd ever felt so loved or so wanted before and I never wanted this moment to end. I don't remember anything from that time until there was a tentative knock on the door. I quickly scrambled off Christopher's knee, while he fell into a total heap of giggles. Not a very masculine reaction. Sometimes Helen was so masculine and other times Christopher seemed feminine. I just couldn't work it out.
"Coming," I called, straightening my clothes as I stumbling to the door.
I opened the door to two young boys. They didn't look much different from their female personas so it was quite straight forward to work out who they were.
"Come in," I said swinging the door wider. "I presume you are Bill?"
"Yes, and this is Alan."
I looked them over and wondered how Bill had ever survived as a boy. Even wearing boys clothes and without any padding he looked like a girl.
"Christopher," I chided as I looked more closely at Alan. "Did you explain about the compression vests?"
"Ah," came the slightly embarrassed reply. "I knew I forgot something."
"Alan, in the bedside draw should be a compression vest. It will flatten your breasts so you look a little less feminine. It won't make you look more masculine, but just stop you looking so feminine."
"Do you not need one?" I asked Bill as Alan disappeared.
"Not yet," she replied. "I'm just starting to get my own, so maybe next time. I suppose it depends on how quick I grow."
Alan quickly returned, looking slightly less feminine. I glanced at the clock and saw it was nearly time for orchestra practice, so we wandered down to the hall.
"Do you play an instrument?" I asked as we walked into the hall.
"Not really," Alan replied. "Jill has been trying to teach me how to play the oboe but I'm still not very good."
"I'm sure that Mrs Russell will assign you to something appropriate," mused Christopher as we walked into the hall.
Mr Hobson was chatting with Mrs Russell as we approached the stage. He positively beamed when he saw how Jill and Anna were dressed. "It's great to see you get involved so quickly. Since you haven't been given PDA's let me take your male aliases and enter them on the system. That way people don't get confused and call you the wrong name."
"I'm Bill and Anna goes by Alan."
"Excellent," responded Mr Hobson as he tapped away on his PDA. "Well that's done. Bill, you have an instrument already and Alan, I believe you have also been learning the oboe. I know that you've only been playing for six months, so you'll find the music difficult but see how you get on. How often did you practice?"
"Daily," Alan replied. "Jill encouraged me by playing along with me. It didn't take me long to get used to playing for long periods of time."
"Well you'll certainly get a lot of that here," laughed Mrs Russell handing Alan a case containing an oboe
I watched as Alan quietly followed Bill to their seats. I quickly followed, glad that my first day at school had been a bit more subdued. Heck only four hours ago poor Anna and Jill were under attack. Since then they had been rescued, said good bye to their families, come to a strange school and were now dressed in the opposite gender than they usually dressed. For their sake, I hope they had a quieter Tuesday.
The first thirty minutes of the practice was taken up with Sibelius's Karelia Suite. This was only a short piece of music and wasn't that difficult. Mrs Russell was more concerned about the feel that we portrayed rather than the actual notes. It seems we all needed to lighten our playing during the second movement.
After we'd finished the Karelia Suite we took a short break. "Mozart's Sinfornia Concertante requires a much smaller orchestra," announced Mrs Russell. "Besides the four soloists it only requires strings, two oboes and two horns. I have Tim ... sorry Tina ... down for second horn and Brenda can you join Alan on oboe. Anyone not playing has a large slot of free time."
The first violins and the cello's had been moved back slightly so the four soloists could sit and see each other and still see the conductor. As the break ended Bill seemed to be quite nervous about leaving Alan on his own but soon started to relax when he saw Brenda move in and, with a big friendly grin, start chatting away. The people who weren't playing didn't disappear but sat down and listened to the rehearsal; the music being more important than a computer game.
Mrs Russell raised her hands and silence reigned. The strings opened and a few bars in I clearly heard Brenda and Alan. One had a slightly clearer sound. Neither was as polished or refined as Bill/Jill was but they didn't sound amateurish either. I glanced across at Bill and saw him listening intently, a small upturn in the corners of his mouth the only indication of his pleasure.
After the first movement Mrs Russell stopped and stared at the four soloists. "Oh you might have got the notes correct and generally stayed in time but it sounded like four individual players. There wasn't any interplay between any of you. It isn't a competition but a team effort. Look at each other and try to feel each others needs. I'd advise you having some practice time together."
She then turned her attention to the orchestra and signalled where they ought to be more subtle with their playing. It was a new experience for them all; none of them had played a concerto before.
During the whole eighty minutes the reduced orchestra practiced the Sinfonia Concertante the students that weren't playing sat silently, listening and learning. As the practice ended they stood and applauded. I turned red and I noticed some others did as well.
As I was putting away my instrument, Jessica, aka Richard, came across, not to see me but her sibling who was busy putting away his clarinet. "Hi William."
"I'm not William," fumed Wendy. "I gave up being William and I'm never, ever going back. When I have to be male, I'm Wayne. William is dead."
"I'm sorry," Jessica said, slightly taken aback. "I didn't think."
Jessica turned and started to walk away, tears in her eyes.
"That wasn't called for," I spat. I then turned to Christopher and sweetly asked, "Would you look after my instrument while I speak with William."
I deliberately used the old male name as a show of my distain for the way he was acting. He winced at the use of the name but didn't say anything just continued to put his clarinet away.
"Why should I talk to you," quietly retorted Wayne.
"I can't make you. In fact I should be going to get changed but instead I'm going to sit at one of the picnic tables in the back. I'll wait ten minutes. If you appear we can chat, if not then-" I shrugged my shoulders and left the hall.
I sat on the bench and waited. Just as I was getting up to go back inside Wayne appeared and sat opposite me.
"Why?" I simply asked. "Why are you treating Richard like this?"
"Like what?"
"Oh come off it," I said, my normal good nature fading. "You aren't stupid and neither am I. Ever since Richard tried to run away you have ignored him."
"I tried to save him and he went and got himself caught. It's probably too late now, I saw how happy he is dressed as a girl."
"You saw how he was dressed and how he moved. Do you really think this was his first time?"
"Well you are so passable that you were able to go out and you claim to never have dressed en femme before Saturday."
I paused for a moment wondering how to explain things. "Richard didn't want to run away. He hasn't been a happy person at home or at school. At school he was bullied and when he wasn't being beaten up he was being threatened. The school did nothing about it and basically accused Richard of inviting the problems on himself. Your mother supported him but your father just ignored him. Your father didn't do anything to resolve the situation. The only reason Richard tried to run away was because you asked him to. Richard thinks the world of you and you just spat in his face. Today Richard was dressed as Jessica and was unsure what you would think of him. He supported you last week when you introduced Wendy to him. Did you do anything to help him? Did you show support? No, you pushed him away."
Wayne lost his masculine front and appeared to look like Wendy trying to be a boy. Her face crumpled and she burst into tears. I got up and instead of comforting her I walked through the door into the school. I noticed a boy hovering and I assumed it was Yvonne still dressed as a man. "Wendy will need you," I said. "I think she has just realised how selfish she's been."
As I walked towards my room, my PDA suddenly started making a wailing noise. I grabbed it and in English were the words in bright red, "SUICIDE ATTEMPT". I clicked on it and when I saw the name ran towards the student accommodation. When I got to the hallway there was already a crowd of people waiting to make sure the person was okay.
"Tracy and Dr Sue are in there at the moment," sobbed Christopher. I didn't say anything due to my own tears. We just hung onto each other.
I heard some commotion at the back of the crowd and saw a distraught Wendy being led off by Keith Thompson.
The crowd parted for Mr Hobson to come through. He entered the bedroom and in a few moments came out. "Richard is alive," he announced gravely. "Mix-up Monday is cancelled so please go and get changed. For the next 24 hours you mustn't go anywhere without your study partner. It's been three years since we last had a suicide attempt so I will reiterate the rules before we eat. I know you are all going to be concerned so the PDA's system will show the current status."
The joviality of the day's competition was replaced by a rather pensive mood. The dinning room was subdued and reflective. One of us had tried to kill themselves. The primary aim of the school was to teach the students in a safe environment and it had failed. Suicide was something that a lot of us had contemplated and a few had probably attempted before coming to the school. I looked around at the other students and saw many tear strained faces, not just in year one students but across the school; pupils and teachers alike.
As Mr Hobson rose, the silence stiffened. Nobody twitched a muscle as they awaited his words. He steadied himself and looked slowly across at the students. What must have been going through his mind?
"Today Richard Barnes tried to kill himself. To save the rumour mill working overtime, Richard took his bedding and tried to hang himself using it. It was only due to Sam being so observant that he failed. Richard was checked over by Dr Sue and isn't in any danger. Tracy is speaking with Richard to try and overcome the issues that made him attempt this. You might have noticed that Wendy and Yvonne are also not present. Wendy is currently very distraught about her sibling's attempted suicide. She wrongly blames herself for Richard's suicide attempt."
There was a general buzz around the dining room. Many students had thought that Wendy might have been to blame with the way that she had treated her brother at the end of the rehearsal.
"Yes," said Mr Hobson over the hum of chatter. "I know it sounds incredible but the way Wendy treated Richard almost stopped him committing suicide. Let's remember how stressful this school can be for some people. Finding out whom or what we are is never something to be treated lightly. I hope we all show compassion to Richard and Wendy over the coming days."
Mr Hobson paused and took a sip of his water. "Till tomorrow night I don't want any student to be alone at any stage. Any sign of depression or unexpected moodiness must be immediately reported to one of the psychiatrists, your year leader or any member of staff. I'd rather get woken in the middle of the night due to a student having a nightmare than finding a student dead the next morning. After the meal I want you all to gather in your years common rooms and make sure that you talk about any issues you have. A psychiatrist per year will be on standby to help with any issues that you might have."
The meal, while excellent, didn't sit easily on my stomach. There was an eerie silence as the meal progressed. Even Dan didn't seem very happy and didn't engage any of us in conversation.
"It's not normally like this," reassured Dan to Anna and Jill.
"At least you have the resources to cope with items like this," commented Anna. "If he'd done this at home I doubt he would have survived. Why the sudden demand on people sticking together for the next day? Isn't it like closing the stable door after the horse has bolted?"
"No," replied Dan. "When there is a suicide or suicide attempt, there is a higher likelihood of someone else attempting. It gives them the extra confidence that they aren't alone. This scenario normally lasts a few hours but we don't want to take risks. After the meal can I tag along with you to your common room? I need to have a private chat with all of you."
So as per the agreement Dan followed us into the common room.
Paula was the first in and shrieked "Jessica!"
The rest of us couldn't get in there quick enough. There wearing a skirt and halter top was Jessica with Sam, back in androgynous clothes, sitting next to her. Poor Sam quickly had to get out of the way as Jessica was smothered in hugs.
"Enough, enough," said Sam pushing us away. "If you're not careful you'll smother her and we've just been through enough in saving her life."
Anna and Jill stood a bit apart as we crowded around. I pulled them in as they were now part of our family.
We were interrupted by Dan clearing his throat. "If I can say my bit, then I can leave you all to work things out. First thing is that tonight's curfew has been waived. If you need to stay past ten to discuss matters then so be it. Second is to do with the suicide watch you are all under. Your must stay in pairs till tomorrows evening meal; that includes tonight. I know one pair already spend every night sharing a bed and I suspect another one perhaps will. If the rest of you aren't comfortable with that we can arrange a "sleepover" in the common room. We have sleeping bags available."
"Who already sleeps together?" asked Paula. "I thought we weren't allowed to do that?"
"Underage sex is illegal and is actively discouraged. I don't believe either of the pairs are having sex; just sharing the same bed."
"But who?"
I glanced at Helen who squeezed my hand, "Helen and I have slept in the same bed but we've never had sex."
"Jill and I have slept together before but we've never had sex. We slept together when we were guests last week and we will probably share the same bed. We need the comfort we both can offer each other."
There was a slight discussion and everyone agreed that they would share the same bed as their study partner. "I'll leave you to discuss things," he said. "I'm your main contact till breakfast. If you need me, call me. I'd rather get called over a bad dream, than wake up to a crisis. Oh and before tomorrow morning you need to elect a year leader, the details are on your PDA's. It's all anonymous; just click on who you want. Obviously you can't vote for yourself and you can't vote for your study partner either."
With that Dan left us. We pushed the settees back and made a comfort zone in the middle of the room, where we all gathered round.
"Are you sure you're going to be okay," Emma asked Jessica.
"Yeah, I'll be fine now," replied Jessica breaking down. "I can't believe how people actually do care. I've not felt love like this for ages. I just feel so silly now as all I needed to do was talk."
Jessica, who was sat between Sam's legs, began to weep more steadily. Anna jumped up and grabbed a couple of boxes of tissues and handed them round. Sam began to gently rock Jessica in an aim to comfort her.
"You don't have to tell us," I said gently.
"No, I want to," she replied, trying to compose herself. "I need to, though there isn't much to say. Before I came to Hayfield Hall I had secretly dressed in women's clothes for over a year. I was never caught but always was ashamed of the desire. I tried to stop and had resisted dressing since coming to the school. I was so tempted when I saw Wendy but resisted. When I dressed earlier and nobody cared, I was in heaven. It was the best day in my life."
Jessica stopped and hung her head. After a few seconds pause I asked, "What made you decide to end it?"
"I couldn't stand going back to being Richard," sobbed Jessica. "I was frightened I'd never get to be Jessica ever again. I just couldn't think straight and would have preferred to die as Jessica now than Richard in the future. After chatting with Tracy I have a preliminary diagnosis of being gender dysphoric. I'm scheduled to see her at eleven every morning to discuss parts of my life. We then can decide where I go, if I want to have a sex-change or what. In the meantime I'm to live as Jessica as I seem to be happier like that. It was the image of Wendy bluntly saying that William was dead replaying in my mind that almost stopped me hanging myself. If it wasn't for that image I would probably not have hesitated and would now be dead."
"So what about the field trip?" asked Emma.
"That is still to be decided. If I need to be Jessica then there is a possibility that I might be allowed, as long as I'm passable. This is why Tracy wants to see a lot of me. She doesn’t want the uncertainty to hang over me."
"That’s not fair," were my initial thoughts. "Why should Jessica get to change after the announcement?" I didn't want to be Jayne. I just wanted to be David."
"Jayne, are you okay?" suddenly came through the fog of my own thoughts.
"Huh?" I asked looking around.
"Are you okay?" repeated Lewis. "You sort of drifted away and it looked like you had tears in your eyes."
"I'm fine," I lied.
"Liar," replied Sam. "You don't want to go on the field trip as Jayne."
"No I don't," I acknowledged. "However, I am not depressed about being Jayne and as long as I'm passable I'll be able to cope. I'm pleased that Jessica has the opportunity to find what she needs to be. I'm not sure if I need to be a boy or a girl. I'm happy as a boy but I've been told I didn't act like one."
"How many times did you dress as a girl before Saturday?"
"Never. Saturday was the first time."
"No way," said Lewis.
"David was always feminine and I've known him for years," said Helen, sticking up for me.
"David has never tucked before and wasn't aware of a lot of terms, so I'm afraid it's probably true," added Emma. "It took me ages to be passable. If you acted that feminine when you were at school it's a wonder you weren't beaten up."
"A few years ago I used to get beaten up. I used to be friends with Helen and a few other girls and I got called names such as 'pansy' and worse. When I stopped seeing them things got slightly better, though I was always at risk for a good pasting. It was only the other week that my brother saved me from another beating. I found out the other day that Helen thought I was a transsexual and it made her fancy me even more."
"So Helen, are you the boy in the relationship?" asked Lewis.
"Rachel has implied that I have some masculine qualities but I don't feel like I want to be a boy. I don't feel any need to have my breasts removed or cut my hair short. I never fancied girls or boys at school. The only person that I ever fancied was David, who I thought was neither or is that both."
"I'm just me," I said with a shrug.
"That sounds familiar," echoed Sam, Lewis, Jessica and Emma.
"While we are doing home truths," said Paula. "Jessica, do you know what sex Sam is?"
"Of course, like you probably knew on the first day about Emma's history. However, I'm not saying what is on Sam's birth certificate. Sam is Sam. If Sam ever wants to explain that is up to Sam."
"One day I will tell you," Sam said. "However, I'm not sure enough what I am and until I decide then I want to be neither."
"Well you do it very well," complimented Anna. "I've no idea if you are a boy or a girl."
"What was it like living where you did," I asked. "When we picked you up it didn't seem a very nice area."
"It's a strange area of Cheltenham," Sam replied. "It is the poorest and roughest area yet it is right next to GCHQ, the top secret listening station. Also, down the road you have Pate's Grammar School, which is one of the top schools in the country. I avoided getting mugged due to always dressing so badly. I was an odd one out at school and kept myself hidden from all around. I used to spend my lunch hours either fiddling with electronics in the school labs, or practicing my violin."
"I thought that was just Jill that did that," said Anna. The others just smiled probably remembering lunches hidden away from the rest of society.
"So where do you fit into the puzzle of life," Sam asked Anna.
"Well Jill explained the other day how I helped Bill learn how to be Jill when Bill found out about his medical issue. It took me a while to come to terms with my own preferences. I remember one awful shopping trip when I went with Jill. I was frightened of people seeing me as a lesbian. It took Jill's sister, Bethany, to remind me that I loved the person rather than the shell and if I didn't start showing my true feelings it might destroy our relationship."
"Bethany?" I asked. "I thought Jill's sister was Beth, short for Elizabeth?"
"Nope, Beth short for Bethany. It seems Jill had trouble when she was younger saying Bethany so shortened it to Beth and it stuck."
"Since you are both now students, I take it that Adam outed you?" Brian asked Jill.
"Oh yeah," she replied bitterly. "I got outed. Anna and Julia were also targeted by the mob. They vandalised the house and even tried to fire bomb it. I don't know if we would have been able to cope if Marcus and Jayne hadn't turned up."
"Oh, we didn't do anything," I said. "We sneaked in via the back and comforted Jill and Anna till the crowd were moved on."
Jill opened her mouth to say something, which probably would include details of the armed police so I said, "I'm just glad that Jill and Anna are safe. It was a relief when the mob was persuaded to move on without any excitement, wasn't it Jill?"
I glared at Jill and Anna who seemed to finally get the message. "Oh yes, it rates as one of the worst days of my life."
"Are you both okay at coming to the school?" asked Brian. "We all had a choice. While you had a choice it wasn't as big a one as we had."
"Well we had very little choice, as we would have been in danger if we'd stayed in the area," replied Anna. "I suppose my parents could have moved house but that would have taken time. This solved that problem, but it is permanent; we are students now, not guests. The educational facilities in this school look excellent and we should do well. Jill and I sometimes found our previous school a bit boring due to finding the lessons quite easy."
"I had the same," said Paula. "Here they push you but you don't really feel pressure. I've covered more here in a week than I would have done in over a month in my old school."
"I was lucky that the school in Milton Keynes kept my birth details secret," said Jill. "Did they do the same for you Emma and Lewis?"
"I didn't go to school as a boy," said Lewis rather sadly. "Outside school my parents let me live as a boy but at school I had to be a girl. I never wore a girls skirt but the trousers were girls. My hairstyle and general demeanour were masculine and there wasn't anything the school could do about it. Most people in my year knew about me and that didn't seem to be a problem. I think there is a lot less stigma in girls acting butch than boys acting feminine."
"The school were very reluctant to have me at school as a girl," quietly replied Emma. "They did everything they could to make it not happen. My Mum, who was very understanding, threatened them with the Human Rights Act. I'd been diagnosed as gender dysphoric, so the school were actually hindering my medical treatment. My Dad was less happy about me needing to be a girl, he just couldn't understand it. He didn't stand in my way but it was like a huge void opened up between us. He was happy that I was still able to help with the farm and I think that was my only saving grace. The small family farm wasn't very economical so by wearing my old sister's hand-me-downs I saved my parents money."
"How did the other pupils treat you?" asked Lewis.
"Awfully," replied Emma, her composure breaking. Paula pulled Emma onto her lap and gently hugged her. "The school banned me from using the girl's toilet and made me use the boys. The boys didn't want me in there and-." At this point Emma spat out, "they tried to rip off my clothes." After gaining her composure she carried on, "I told the teachers who did it, but the teachers just told them not to do it again. They made no effort to punish the boys. After pressure from my Mum I was allowed to use the disabled toilet. School was hell, but I never stopped going as a girl. I might be away from my parents but at least I don't live in fear. This school has given me the opportunity to thrive."
"What about you Paula and Brian," I asked. "You both have kept very quiet about today's cross-dressing. Was this your first time and what did you think about it?"
"Ooh, sounds like twenty questions," laughed Paula. "Well it was the first time I've gone out of my way to look like a boy but as most girls I mostly wear trousers it wasn't that big a deal. Do I want to be a boy? No but that doesn't make me homophobic. People should be able to dress and act as they feel. I love being a girl but I think Emma is more girly than me."
"How do you feel about me?" asked Emma, with a slight watery smile.
Paula turned a bright shade of red. "I think you are a lovely girl," stammered Paula. "I've never been able to make a friend so quickly. I find it so easy to speak with you."
"It's the same with Lewis," said Brian. "We get on so well, it's like we've known each other for years. We seem to operate on the same wavelength."
"No wonder you were all so quick agreeing to sleep together," laughed Anna. "It seems like the psychiatrists set you all up."
"I don’t care," said Sam with a shrug. "If I can help Jessica get through this then I will be very happy."
"Amen," replied Emma.
"So why did you get sent to Milton Keynes and none of us did?" Brian asked me.
"Because I was the only one that Jill would recognise. She hadn't seen anyone else cross-dressed and she was upset enough without strange people entering the garden."
"Sounds like it was good that you went and not me," agreed Brian.
Paula stifled a yawn. "It's getting late," I said when I saw the time. "We know a lot more about each other, but is that enough? Do any of you feel anything like suicidal?"
There was a lot of shaking of heads. Jessica's PDA went off and she answered it.
"That was Tracy," she said putting the PDA away. "They had to sedate Wendy earlier and she is just coming round and I asked to be there when she woke up."
"I'm coming with you", said Sam firmly.
"Well we can't leave our study partners," reminded Jill. "Should make showering interesting."
I don't think I've seen Emma grin so widely.
"Behave and don't forget to vote," was all I could say as we filed out of the common room; I needed my sleep. I just hope tomorrow was a quieter day.
Will Jessica be okay? Who will win the contest to be the year leader?
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 12
That night I didn't sleep well, I kept thinking if I could have done something to stop Richard attempting suicide. Were there any clues? Well I knew she had dressed before, but there was no indication that she felt that way.
"Any news on Jessica?" asked Helen as she woke up, breaking my self-analysis.
"She is fine, as is Wendy," I replied peering at the PDA. "Oh and we get the results of the year leadership vote just before breakfast."
"Well, there's no way either of us will have won. We keep getting called away and haven't mixed with the others that much."
"That’s true but we have been involved with Richard and Sam quite a bit. Also Emma helped me a bit with preparations last Saturday. I don't really think I'd like to be the year contact; I have enough happening in my life already."
Helen gave a hearty chuckle and nodded her head in an understanding way. We just lay there cuddled together, enjoying the peace of the morning. Eventually Helen gave a contented sigh and said, "We better get up before we miss that meeting."
"I suppose so," I reluctantly replied. "It would also be nice to check on Jill and Anna."
I climbed out of bed and headed towards my bedroom. As soon as I started going through the door my PDA started complaining. "PROXIMITY WARNING" was in bold. Pressing the information button, it informed me I was about to leave the proximity of my study partner, which wasn't allowed.
I looked at Helen and we both remembered that we would need to stay together. What I thought was a little joke by Jill's now suddenly didn't seem so funny. I stood there in shock, not daring to make a move. Helen slid out of bed, gave me a kiss on my cheek and, taking me by my hand, led me into her bathroom.
* * *
"Are you okay?" asked Emma.
Where did she come from? I hadn't seen her come in.
"Are you okay?" Emma asked again.
"Uh, yeah," I replied. I shook my head trying to clear the fog. In fact I don't even remember coming into the common room. I looked across at Helen who was trying her best not to laugh.
"Jayne had never seen a naked girl before," explained Helen. "I think her mind is still playing catch-up."
"You didn't do it, did you?" asked a worried Anna.
"Of course not," replied Helen indignantly. "Though I'm sure it would have been fun!"
I didn't get chance to retort as there was a knock on the door and Jessica let in Mr Hobson.
"Good morning everyone!" jovially greeted Mr Hobson, his cheerful attitude rubbing off on us all and we cheerfully responded. "Okay, I'll keep this quick. We have a draw for the leader so you have two choices, since they're study partners you can either opt to have them joint leaders or we can have a revote. Which would you like?"
"Who won?" queried Brian.
"Helen and Jayne. Hands up those who want them to be joint leaders."
Everyone raised their hands and Helen gave me a hug. "Thank you all. I'm very surprised."
I saw Jessica mouth thank-you to some of the others. Had Jessica manipulated the vote and if so, why?
"One further administrative item which is for Sam to decide, but in the current climate, should be something you are all aware of. Sam, I need you to decide what you want on your passport; Sam, Samantha or Samuel and what gender male or female."
"Mr Samantha Hood doesn't sound right," giggled Jessica. Sam just gave her a friendly punch.
"If you choose female, it would make things easier for you to share a hotel room," pointed out Mr Hobson.
"What would happen if I chose male," asked Sam.
"Things might be easier, or they might be harder. There certainly would be more work in getting things sorted."
"Do I have to decide now?"
"No, but can you let me know by the end of lunch?"
Sam nodded. None of us said anything other than we would support whatever decision was made.
During lessons Sam seemed preoccupied. The teachers must have known that Sam had a difficult choice as they gave more leeway. Jessica and the rest of us helped encourage Sam so not too much learning was lost.
As we went into lunch, Sam was all smiles. "I've made a decision. For the passport I will be classified as female but have the name Sam listed. That and the hotel should be the only things that worry about my gender. For the rest of the trip I will be androgynous. That way Jessica and I will be able to still look out for each other."
"I think that sounds a fair compromise. Have you told Mr Hobson?"
"I'll send him a note," Sam said punching the details into the PDA. "I just hope I explained everything properly. I hate writing French more than speaking it."
"You're doing very well," Anna said. "You're still too grammatically perfect but that will get better over time."
"Time we don't have. We go in under three weeks."
"But since Sam didn't speak much French till a week ago, I think Sam is doing wonderfully."
"They certainly know how to drum it into you," agreed Sam. "Having the television only in French is surprisingly good. Being totally immersed into it was quite a shock yesterday but I'm starting to get used to it."
The day progressed quickly and it wasn't long before the twenty-four hour suicide watch was over. Orchestra practice was now a daily event and we all looked forward to it. It wasn't till just after the practice that the suicide watch was lifted and I managed to see Jessica alone. Helen had taken Sam off, leaving just me alone with Jessica in the common room. Where the others were was a mystery.
"Jessica, did you manipulate the vote?"
"What do you mean?" asked Jessica sounding very nervous.
"Did you ask others to vote for me or Helen?"
"Why would I have done something like that?"
"That is what I'm trying to find out. Now stop worming your way out of it, did you ask others to vote for me or Helen?"
I gave Jessica a piercing stare and she wilted. "Yes," she said in a little voice. I'm glad she caved in at that stage, as I don't think I could have put on the hard act for much longer.
"Why?" I asked. The bewilderment I felt carried through into my voice.
"Wendy said something about you and Helen knowing more about the happenings at the school. She said you had contacts with other year leaders such as Stacy and Ingrid."
"Yes, Helen and I are friends with Stacy and Ingrid, but that doesn't make us good year leaders."
"Did you do and see things yesterday at Jill's house that you won't discuss with anyone else?"
"Well yes, but-" I started but was interrupted
"Do you know things about the school that I don't?"
"Well yes, but-" I again started but then realised what I'd said.
"Therefore, I think Wendy was correct. She said there were some people at school that had extra knowledge. She also said there was an unwritten rule that pupils didn't query or try to find out certain things."
"I suspected certain things on day one and asked. I wish I hadn't. Oh I wasn't punished or anything, it was just I was told what I suspected was true and that caused issues for Helen. You see there can't be any secrets between you and your study partner. Anyway, if it wasn't for Wendy; who would you have voted for? "
"Originally I was going to vote for you but in the end I voted for Helen. I was going to vote for you due to how you handled me trying to run away. You didn't snitch and tried to resolve the situation. You also didn't hand Wendy in. In fact, I think you would have won outright if I hadn't talked some people to vote for Helen."
"What did you tell the others?" I asked, holding my breath.
"I didn't tell them what Wendy had said, just what a good job you and Helen had done with me. I also highlighted how brave you were with going to help with rescuing Jill and Anna. They didn't need much persuasion."
"But it wasn't something either of us wanted," I lamented, knowing my fate was sealed.
"Probably not, but I think you'll both do well," reassured Jessica.
I opened my mouth to retort but Sam walked in with Helen. Soon after, the others walked in so there was no chance to discuss it further. It wasn't till bedtime and we went to our rooms, that I got chance to tell Helen.
"I wonder how much Wendy knows," I pondered.
"Probably not everything, but she is certainly observant enough to know there are extra things happening. I just hope she doesn't cause trouble in the future."
"So do I. We will have to see how things develop with her. I hope she's learnt her lesson, that too much interference can cause trouble."
* * *
The next morning, during breakfast, I got an appointment for a rehearsal at eleven. It was just for the four of us that would be playing solo in Mozart's Sinfonia Concertante. At least for Helen and I it was a study period so I wasn't going to get behind in my lessons, I'd just have to catchup with my studies that night. I realised then that I wasn't aware of Jill or Anna's specialisation.
"Hey Jill and Anna," I said in between mouthfuls. "Have you been assigned specialist skills yet?"
"Assigned what?"
"Each student is assigned a specialist skill which they study for. Have either of you been assigned anything?"
"No," they replied simultaneously.
We all looked at Becky who had turned red. "Oops," she said. "With all the excitement on Monday and yesterday they haven't been given out. It was a wonder we managed to get PDA's to you. Suicide attempts tend to put a strain on everyone but the psychiatric team tend to get a lot jitterier."
Mr Hobson stood up and addressed everyone there, "It has just come to our attention that we have been remiss and not notified Jill and Anna of their specialist skills. Therefore, they will be given them as part of the usual ceremony just after orchestra practice, which will delay the evening meal by thirty minutes. I just hope that Andy can cope without sneaking into the kitchens."
The rest of the school laughed at the joke and Andy got up and took a bow. Well I think it was a joke.
"Jessica and Jayne," stated Becky. "You are excused from morning lessons as you have an appointment to see Kelly. Tomorrow at eleven, you will both be seeing a speech therapist, to have your voices assessed."
"And there was me thinking being a girl would be easy," giggled Jessica.
Jessica and I met Kelly in one of the larger classrooms. All the chairs and tables had been moved to one side, leaving a large area we could move around in.
"Today is about deportment," said Kelly. "That is your posture and the way you walk. I have a selection of shoes that I am going to get you to walk in. First question, have either of you walked in heels before?"
"No," I replied.
"A little," confessed Jessica, turning slightly red.
"There's nothing to be embarrassed about," reassured Kelly. "How high?"
"About two inches. They were my mothers and she doesn't like wearing anything higher than that."
"That's not a problem. You don't need heels to appear female, but sometimes it's fun. When we do concerts the girls often wear three-inch heels. I want you to get used to wearing heels as it is something that will help with your gait."
"Gait?"
"The way you walk. Boys and girls walk differently. Part of that is because of different shoes or different pelvic bones. However, some is just put on to appear sexier. Now I'd like you to both take off what you are wearing and put on the first pair of shoes that I've set out for you. They are a one-inch, chunky heel."
We wandered across to the table where the shoes were laid out and put on our shoes. As with everything else in the school, they fitted perfectly.
"Okay, I'd like you both to walk towards me, turn and then walk back."
We did as she said. When we got back to the table she called, "Again."
"How do your feet feel?" she asked as we finished the second circuit."
"Mine feel fine," I replied.
"Me too," replied Jessica.
"Are you sure Jessica?"
"Okay, they feel a bit strange."
"It is important that you be truthful with me. I don't want you hurting yourself and ending up not going on the field trip."
"Why yours feel strange is because you haven't quite got your walk right. You are clumping your feet too much, which is putting more of a strain on your ankle and lower leg. The aim is for you to glide. If you stomp too much, you will injure yourself and look very strange. So both of you stand up and we will try again. This time I'm going to put a book on both or your heads. The aim is for you to walk across the room without the book falling from your head. Once that occurs, I will know you are gliding. Each time the book falls I want you to stop. I will place it on your head and you can set off again."
Once Kelly had put the book on our heads we set off. We had walked about two steps when we both lost the book. "You both keep looking at your feet. If you do that then the book will never stay on your head. You have to move while keeping your head still. Look to the far wall and walk towards it. Remember, the top of your head is the flattest."
This time we got a little further. "Hands by your sides," instructed Kelly. "You look very strange walking with your hands by your head."
After half an hour I'd managed it a few times when Jessica finally succeeded. "Well done Jessica," called Kelly. "I want you both to take off your shoes and sit down with me."
"You have both done well," said Kelly. "Jessica, you found that harder than Jayne because Jayne had an advantage over you."
"I did?"
"Yes, well two. One, you've never attempted to walk in badly fitted shoes which gives a very bad gait. Secondly, you started off with a feminine style of walk. Where you got it from is hard to say, but you walked more like a girl than a boy."
"I'm sorry," I said to Jessica.
"What for?" she asked. "You've done nothing wrong other than be yourself."
"This week I don't want either of you wearing more than a one inch heel. I will see you again on Saturday at ten for more walking lessons and we will get you into two inch."
"Do we have any homework?" I joked
"Yes, I'm afraid you do," replied Kelly in a serious tone. "You are to practice walking in one inch heels with books on your head. I want too see some improvement by Saturday. Since your feet are tired, you aren't to wear heels till lunchtime at the earliest."
Jessica and I started to leave when Kelly suddenly said, "Oh Jayne, can I have a word with you for a second?"
Jessica gave me a knowing look and continued on alone.
"It's nothing much but I've also been asked to give you and Helen lessons to help you fit in better as a male. Would early October be acceptable to you?"
"I don't have a problem with that date. I'm not sure how Helen's going to take it though."
"I won't be able to book a firm date till the middle of September. I have a summer school that starts soon which will keep me away till then."
"I thought you came on the field trips."
"I normally do, but I can't make this one. It wasn't planned to be so early and I do have other commitments."
The Mozart practice was held in the music classroom. The four chairs for the soloists were set out in the same pattern as before. There was a fifth chair set out just behind the backs of the others.
I was the first to arrive so I put the music on my stand and started to warm the horn up. There's nothing harder than playing a cold instrument.
"Did she make you walk with a book on your head?" ask Jill as she walked in with Helen.
"Yes, how did you know?"
"Because Anna and Erika did the same thing to me," explained Jill.
"Who's the fifth chair for?" asked Helen
"No idea," I replied. "It was setup like that when I arrived."
A minute later Wendy appeared. "I'm sorry for the way I behaved on Monday," she apologised. "I was out of order."
"It mustn't have been nice for you; having to dress in male clothes and also see your brother do something you hadn't prepared yourself for."
"But that’s still no excuse," said Wendy. "I ruined the practice."
"Well I certainly have a better idea of the tune now," smiled Jill. "Shall we all tune up and start."
Just as we finished tuning up from Jill's oboe, Stacy snuck into the room with her Violin. "I thought you might want the other part of the tune to fill in some of the gaps."
"Then you're just in time."
This time the playing was 200% better than it had been on Monday. We all listened carefully to each other's timings and we sounded like we were a single voice of four instruments playing against the rest of the orchestra, well in this case just Stacy.
"That sounded a lot better," said Stacy after an hours practice. "If you sound like that this afternoon, Mrs Russell will be very pleased."
"Thank you for your help," I said to Stacy. "It helped a lot having you here as well."
"I'm glad," she replied. "However, there was an ulterior motive; I got an extra practice in. Andy will be so jealous."
Indeed the orchestra practice went very well. It was obvious that everyone had spent their extra time practicing. With seventeen days to the trip, it didn't give a lot of time for anything else. "Keep up the practice and we'll retain our European reputation as England's finest youth orchestra. It's a shame that nobody in England has ever heard of us."
Everyone laughed at that, but on the other hand it was a deadly serious issue. I don't know what would happen if the schools existence ever became public.
"Before we break for the day, Kelly Baxter has asked to say a few words."
Kelly walked in from the back of the room. "Sorry I'm asking now and not later, but I've got to get home. For anyone who wants, there will be makeup lessons this Sunday and next Sunday. This is not just for those who want to look more feminine but also for those who want to look more masculine. Year one students get priority for any bookings. If anyone from year four, or five, who has completed the beauty course, wants to give Sasha a hand, then she'd be most grateful. I believe the meal is delayed for Jill and Anne to get their skills; therefore, I'm going to go before Andy worries it will be any later than the new schedule!"
When we went into the year one common room, I expected to see Mr Hobson and the five psychiatrists. They weren't there. A few minutes later, they knocked on the door and asked if they could enter. We agreed. I keep forgetting that this common room was ours and that no other student or staff member were allowed to enter without permission.
"Anne, I know that Jill knows who we all are, do you?" asked Mr Hobson.
"Yes, Jill told me who you all were the other day."
"Excellent, well that saves quite a bit of time. Since we've never had two extra students before, it took some thinking to come up with specialisations that suited your existing skills. Now you are both assigned to Rachel Ruiz so she will inform you."
"I'm going to do this in English. Anne first," said Rachel standing up and switching from French to English. Helen nudged Anne to stand as well. "This is the first time we have ever asked anybody to specialise in this, so you will have to do a lot of research yourself. We already have a language and customs specialist, which we might have got you to do. Therefore, we would like you to become an expert in religions. Since a lot of texts and studies aren't in English, you will need to use your language skills."
"That sounds a challenge," said Anna as she sat down.
"Jill, you are equally a challenge," stated Rachel. "You already have an advantage in being a highly skilled musician and you have already passed a GCSE with highest marks. Therefore, I want you too look into something different. I want you to start looking into laws in this country and others that will impact this school, should we ever visit. I would like you to start with gender and relationship laws. For instance we are going to visit France soon and they have different laws on the age of consent. As you start to get your knowledge, I'd like you to document it so it becomes a useful resource for others."
"That's quite a project," said Jill. "I've done research before, so that isn't a problem. I've never looked into the law, so that will be something new."
"Okay," said Mr Hobson switching back to French now. "Let's go and eat."
"Are you going to book for the makeup course?" I asked Helen as we walked to the dining room.
"I'm not sure. I'm not bad with makeup."
"You're good at making yourself look feminine and slightly older. I'm sure there are a lot of other tips you could pick up. Also, it might be useful if you learnt how to look more masculine, just in case you need to portray Christopher again. You weren't able to go with me to get Jill, because you didn't pass well enough."
"I suppose you're right. I'll book an appointment."
Helen picked up her PDA, found the request form and filled it in. We both got our responses at the same time. I had an hour's lesson with Sasha while Helen had the same hour period with Stacy.
"Why am I not surprised?" she said. "Stacy seems to get involved with everything."
I leaned across and whispered in her ear, "You'll probably be learning how to apply camouflage makeup." That got me a light punch in the arm.
* * *
The voice lessons were a big flop. I got there and she listened to me speak. She even ran my voice through a special computer program.
"I'm afraid there's nothing I can do for you."
"What do you mean," I said starting to panic. "Are you saying I can never speak like a girl?"
I'm going to be a laughing stock when everyone hears about this. How am I going to cope with going out of the school?
"You misunderstood. You already have the inflections and intonation of a girl. Your pitch is also good."
Because I was only in for ten minutes out of the allotted hour, it meant that Jessica was able to have a much longer session. Only being thirteen helped with pitch, as none of our voices had yet broken. I wonder what lessons we'll need, as we get older. Perhaps medication would help stop the voices breaking for people like Emma and possibly Jessica. I put down these thoughts for possible self-study after the field trip.
* * *
"Hello," said an Asian woman as I walked into the room. "Are you Jayne?"
"Yes," I replied looking round at what appeared to be a salon. There were three hairdressing chairs that were currently being used for makeup so they could see what was being done to them.
"So, are you ready for your makeup lessons?"
"It's not something I want to learn but something I feel I need to do," I replied. "I wasn't aware of this area till I looked where the lesson was to be held."
"It's quite nice isn't it? A complete hairdressing and beauty salon in the middle of the school. There are rooms at the end for waxing, electrolysis and massages. Now take a seat and let's see what I've got to deal with."
I took a seat and tensed up as she ran her fingers gently across my face.
"Relax; I'm not going to bite. Well, you already have quite a good complexion, so let us see what we need to do. Did your mother never let you wear makeup when you were younger?"
Half of me wanted to laugh and the other half wanted to cry. I couldn't be bothered to tell her that I was male so I just said, "No, I was never allowed."
"Well, let us see what we can achieve today. You are lucky that you don't need to put on much to be an absolute stunner. You already have long eyelashes and a great shaped mouth. The first thing we are going to do is colour match you for foundation. Now foundation has two purposes, it gives your face a uniform look, hiding any blemishes. It also acts as a canvas for you to add other makeup. Now, one thing to remember is that you only need a little."
She took a bottle of foundation and, using her finger, put a small drop on my face. She then gently massaged it.
"As you can see, that sticks out a bit, so it isn't the correct colour for your face, but it doesn't look far off. Let's see how this one looks."
She took a different bottle and again dabbed a bit onto my face. This time it blended in as she rubbed it in.
"I can't see it anymore."
"That is because it's the right colour," she said making notes onto the computer system. "I'm creating a salon record so that we always know what colours suit you. It saves going back to basics all the time."
"This foundation is quite long lasting, it should last about eight hours, which isn't bad. After the foundation has been added we add a powder to set the foundation into place. I'm going to do the left hand side of your face and I want you to mirror what I do afterwards on the right side. If you make a mistake we can wipe it off and try again."
Art isn't my favourite subject. In fact it was one of my worst. However, makeup seemed to be quite good fun. Sasha showed me how I could create different looks just by subtly altering what and how I applied it. I could look like a sophisticated businesswoman in her twenties to a young teenager going out on the pull. I must have tried several different lipsticks and eye shadows.
"It will take quite a bit of practice for you to be able to achieve such looks but you certainly have the face to do it. What I want you to practice is the look you will probably have for your concerts. The stage will be lit up, so if you don't wear anything you will look very pale."
She showed me what to do and then took it all off. I then tried to mirror what she did. I didn't succeed but I didn't do too badly. I understood what was required but had difficulties getting it to look quite right.
"You aren't doing too badly," she said. "All you need now is to practice. Do you know Brenda in year five?"
"Yes," I replied.
"Well, if I'm not around, or any of the beauty people aren't, then ask her. She is a miracle worker with the brushes; just don't tell Stacy. I'm going to quickly wipe off your makeup and make you look like a sophisticated sixteen-year-old girl. The makeup will be subtle so you shouldn't get into trouble."
When she was finished I couldn't believe the look. I couldn't tell I had makeup on but there in the mirror was me, looking like an older girl. I was still recognisable as me, but I looked older and more self-assured.
If I can look like this, then nobody will believe that I'm a young boy under all these clothes. Lookout France, Jayne is on the way!
"Do you have a makeup table in your room?"
I thought about it for moment and realised I didn't, but nor did Helen.
"No, I don't think any year one student has."
"I'll see what I can get organised for you," she said. "I'll also get all your makeup delivered."
"My makeup?"
"Yes, you need to practice. All the makeup that colour matches you, will be there. When you start to run low, just order more via your PDA and it will be delivered. It's all part of the Hayfield Hall service. I recommend you put this lipstick into your pockets, just in case you need to touch up."
As I made my way to the year one common room, I bumped into Helen coming from the bedroom area. "Jayne?" she asked, wide eyed as she took a look at me.
"Yes," I said with a smile. "What do you think?"
She didn't say anything but pounced on me, taking me into her arms and giving me a kiss. It was only at that point that I realised that she was wearing makeup herself. Our lipsticks mingled and my mind went into overdrive.
"Is this how you imagined me?" I asked when I got my thoughts back together.
"No," she said her breath short and shallow. "This is even better. I just couldn't keep my hands off you. Oh, you need to redo your lipstick."
"I'm not the only one," I laughed.
It is almost time for the field trip, so a dress rehersal sounds just the thing. But with a school like Hayfield Hall anything could happen!
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 13
The last week before the field trip to France, all lessons apart from Music and French were cancelled. The school became a hive of activity as the last minute polishing took place.
Our French wasn't perfect but it was certainly good enough to understand what was happening, what other people were saying and in most circumstances what was written.
"Tonight," said Mr Hobson during breakfast, "we will be giving a concert in the school. Think of this as a dress rehearsal for the trip in three days time. The concert will be at half seven. Therefore, you'll be having a light tea at four. That should give you enough time to get changed and ready to give the performance of your lives. The schedule for today will get updated after breakfast. Please understand that times might fluctuate so keep an eye on your PDA's."
As soon as he said that we would be giving a concert tonight, the butterflies in my stomach started dancing.
"It's a good job I'm sitting at your table today," he grinned. "Okay, ask away."
"What are we to wear tonight? I've not had the privilege of giving a concert to such a high standard before. The school orchestra where I lived was only small and we just did normal school stuff. My parents couldn't afford for me to go join the county orchestra."
"Men will wear dinner jackets and ladies will wear smart concert dresses. I'm sorry Sam, but you are going to have to wear one or the other. I will get your support person to validate your choices."
I could tell that Sam was going to ask who the concert was going to be given to, so I gave a little kick under the table and shook my head.
"Is that all the questions? Well I am glad to see that you are all beginning to regain your trust. Not just in the school, not to put you in any danger, but trust in yourselves that nobody will know. Yes, I'm very impressed."
"I've performed at the school before," said Jill. "I can assist Anne and anyone else who is worried about outfits."
"That's very kind of you Jill," said Tracy. "I'm sure that will help a lot."
As soon as breakfast was over there was a mass ting as all the PDA's updated. "Oh great," I said to Helen. "Year one, two and three are to clean the hall. I always wanted to do something like that, not!"
"It might be fun," she said. "With twenty-six of us doing it, it shouldn't take that long."
The day was hectic but everyone was in good spirits. While we did the hall, years four and five were busy doing the entrance area. Any area where a visitor might go was cleaned. I bet the normal cleaners wouldn't need to touch it for a month.
Over lunch Sam announced, "Tonight, I think I'm going to go for the dinner jacket. It will even up the trip to France, where I'll be female."
In the afternoon, the lower three years got out the concert music stands and setup the stage, while the older pupils scrambled to setup the lighting. Even a podium for Mrs Russell was dragged out of some storage area.
We were all finished with about ninety minutes before tea and we were wondering what to do when Stacy and Andy appeared. Stacy looked like she had done her hair and was ready for tonight.
Stacy called, "Jayne, Helen, Emma, Paula, Jessica, Jill and Anna can you please come with us."
We all followed them into the salon where Andy said, "You might not have noticed other people disappearing during the day but you have to look good. So if you need your legs and arms waxed, now is the time. You will also have your hair tidied.
"Is there time for all of us to be done?"
"I shaved my legs and arms earlier," said Jessica.
"I don't think I've got much," I said. "I've never been that bad."
"Well you're only thirteen," laughed Stacy. "Okay, we have four people doing hair and two doing waxing. There are four rooms, so Andy and I, who qualified a few months ago, will do a few. Legs and arms should take thirty minutes, maximum. Once you are finished go and find a hairdresser who will sort you out."
"Jill," I asked quietly. "Why don't we get done by Andy? That might stop some others getting worried."
"I don't mind," she replied. "I've been waxed before by both sexes."
"Andy, can you do Jill and myself?"
"It will be my pleasure," he boomed. "Do you want to go first?"
"Why not."
I followed Andy into a room and closed the door behind me. "I've never been waxed before, so I've no idea what to do."
"It's not a problem," he said. "Take off everything below your waist apart from your panties then hop onto the bed."
I folded things up and put them on the spare chair. When I was sat on the bed, Andy started examining my legs. "As you said, they don't look too bad, but we shall clear them up. If you wax instead of shave the hairs grow back weaker. If you shave, then they just get stronger."
He took a stick, dipped it in a pot of warm wax and spread it over an area at the bottom of my leg. He then took what looked like a paper towel, pressed it into the wax and pulled. Even though there wasn't much hair there was still a distinct rip sound.
"If you think that Helen, Paula and Anna are going to have a problem with me doing their legs or arms, then it's a good job they don't know Stacy's birth sex," laughed Andy as he ripped off more hair.
I looked at Andy in surprise.
"Stacy told me that she'd told you her birth sex when you went to get Jill and Anna," he said.
"You both do so well at portraying both genders that I would never have known unless she'd told me. In this school it is pointless trying to guess someone's birth gender and for a lot of cases, it's probably irrelevant. As long as you are happy, why should it matter what gender someone is at birth, or now."
Andy put down the waxing items and gave me a great big hug. "Jayne, you have just made my day. I wish more year-one pupils understood that. How are you doing as Jayne?"
"It can be fun sometimes, but I miss being David. I've learnt so much about myself, that I don't know what I am any more. I didn't need voice lessons and it seemed I already walked like a female. Did David really exist before?"
"I met David and I thought he was a swell guy. I was sorry that you ended up being stuck as Jayne."
"Oh, you and Stacy knew Mr Hobson was going to announce the field trip and you deliberately invited Jayne to that meeting, so that I wouldn't go back and change. You wanted me as Jayne on the field trip."
"I think I'd better get Stacy," decided Andy putting things down.
"There's no need. You had your reasons and I don't really have an issue with it at the moment. I also don't want you to tell Stacy, till after the concert and are in bed. She's the leader of the orchestra and doesn't need the distraction."
Andy thought about it for a moment and agreed. It only took fifteen minutes to do my legs and ten minutes to do my arms. "Any chance of some assistance with makeup?"
"It would have to be after the meal," he said, after a few minutes thought. "Okay, give me a shout just before you put on your dress and I'll quickly do you. It will only take me a few minutes to get dressed, since I don't have to put on a dress for this one."
"Helen will be upset that I didn't get her to do it."
"I'll tell you what; I'll do her as well. Now send in Jill and don't say a word to anyone or I'll be doing makeup all night."
I went out laughing and went to see if there were any spaces left for my hair to be done. Since I was wearing a wig it would be styling it. I was in luck as they had a selection of wigs in my colour, so they recommended one for tonight which they would be put in my room during tea.
"I'd like you to come in tomorrow at nine," said the hairdresser as she helped me put on my original wig. "I think your hair is long enough to have a hairclip extension. That way you won't need a hot wig when you go on your field trip."
"Well done, all of you. You will do this school proud," said Mr Hobson before our tea. "There will be healthy and not so healthy snacks for anyone who wants it after the concert. Remember, you are a professional orchestra, so once on stage, follow Mrs Russell's cues and no talking. Your PDA's will show you where to congregate, tune-up and get last minute instructions. Under no circumstances will you go through the entrance hall. All doors to the rest of the school will be sealed, so you shouldn't be able get that way anyway."
I was glad we were only having soup and sandwiches. I don't think I could have stomached a full evening meal.
"Don't worry, it should be fine," said Jill. "I've done this before and its fun. Just sit back and enjoy it."
"How can you say that?" gulped Helen. "We'll have to sit at the front where everyone will see us."
"They aren't going to eat you. They'll just comment what a wonderful player you are. I think Mr Hobson revoked the licence for someone to sell rotten eggs by the entrance hall."
Mr Hobson, who was sat at our table, suddenly burst out laughing, nearly chocking on his cheese sandwich. "I never thought of doing something like that," he laughed. "I could make a fortune."
Seeing Quentin "serious" Hobson laugh, cheered us all and we were soon a lot more relaxed. The plate of sandwiches on our table was quickly demolished. I think Lewis had grabbed more crisps than the rest of us put together.
"Do we get ice-creams during the interval?" asked Lewis.
Mr Hobson just smiled and said, "You'll see."
* * *
"What do you think about this one?" I asked holding up a light red evening dress.
"Mmm, nice," answered Helen. "I take it there are matching shoes?"
I disappeared back into the closet and found them. "They are two inch, which is the limit I got up to in practice."
"Have you anything higher?"
I went back to look. "No, it looks like two inch is the maximum I have. I presume I'm not qualified, so they don't provide them."
"I have a few pairs of three inch. I can't believe we have such a selection of shoes. I wonder what outfits we'll take to France. I've seen no sign of suitcases."
"I presume we will be told at the appropriate time," I laughed. "It's no use asking yet. Let's get tonight's concert out of the way first. So have you chosen an outfit?"
"I've chosen this silver dress. It has a slight sparkle to it but shouldn't be too flashy. I've got a nice pair of earrings that should look nice."
"How long do you think your hair will stay like that?"
"Till I take out the sixty hairclips they put into it. There is no way I'd be able to do this style myself."
There was a knock on the door, which I answered. "Hi Rachel, just on time. These are the dresses we've chosen. Are they acceptable?"
Rachel looked them over and gave a nod of acceptance. "I like that wig," she said pointing to the one on my makeup table.
"That's what I'm wearing tonight."
"You should look stunning. Just fit for a soloist."
Rachel disappeared to check on Jill and Anna. I got undressed and put on my dressing gown.
"Would you like some help with your makeup?" asked Helen.
"Thanks for the offer but I secured us some specialist skills," I said tapping away on the PDA. Two minutes later Andy came into the room, still in the clothes from earlier.
"Okay, who's first?" asked Andy.
"You asked Andy?" asked Helen incredulously.
"I heard he's the best," I retorted. "Since Helen is so disbelieving then I'll go first."
"Okay, take a seat on the edge of your bed. The light should be best there. I'll use one of your chairs."
He grabbed a selection of cosmetics from my makeup table and started to apply it gently to my face. "You have a lovely complexion," he remarked as he brushed off the excess powder.
Helen watched as he gradually did things to my face. "I'm sorry I sounded surprised earlier. Would you mind doing mine next?"
I laughed, "I'd heard a rumour that he was better than Stacy. Actually the rumour was that Brenda was better than Stacy."
"Sasha has a big mouth," chortled Andy. "Don't look in the mirror but put on your dress and I'll secure your wig."
I did as instructed and when I was ready I was allowed to look in the mirror; I could have wept. I looked older and oozed confidence. I looked every bit ready for the concert. I saw Helen's face and I backed away. "Helen, we don't have time for that. Go sit down and let Andy work his magic."
Reluctantly Helen went into her room. Before Andy followed he said, "Be careful there, I think she likes Jayne."
"Don't I know it," I said.
"Hey, I love David as well," called Helen. "Jayne didn't look very feminine when we had to shower together the other week."
Helen was stunning, Andy had done something with her eyes and I just couldn't tear my glance away. I just wanted to tumble into them.
"Earth to Jayne," said Andy. "Come in Jayne."
I didn't respond till Helen turned away, which broke my trance. "How did you do that?"
"Do what?" asked Andy innocently.
"I find Helen attractive at the best of times but I just couldn't take my eyes from her."
"Like you, she has excellent potential, which is hidden by the way you normally have your hair and the clothes you wear. With the clothes and hair correct, it was very simple to bring it out."
"Well at least two of the four soloists will look good," I said.
"Wendy is very good herself, she will look impressive," replied Andy.
"I hope Jill or Anna is good enough," Helen mused.
Andy looked at his watch. "It didn't take long to do you, so let me see what I can do. Will you be happy to be a sample of my work?"
"It would be our pleasure," I said, taking Helen by the hand.
I knocked on Jill's door. "Jill? It's Jayne. We have a present for you, can we come in?"
"Of course," she said.
As we went in, we saw that her makeup was good but she seemed to look quite a bit less mature than Helen's and mine.
"You look stunning," said Anna, from the interconnecting doorway. "How did you manage to look like that?"
"A secret weapon."
"What?"
"Andy did it for us. He's trying to make the soloists look slightly more mature to give a confident looking presentation."
"Sorry Anna, but I've only got time to do Jill," apologised Andy.
"Hey, I'm not a soloist," she grinned. "Heck, a few weeks ago and I wasn't even in this concert. Anyway, you can give me some tips when we sit next to each other when we practice the Mozart tomorrow."
When Jill was perfected, Andy disappeared and we all looked at each other and giggled. "We all look wonderful. Can we rig one of the PDA's to perform a timed shot so we can all get in the picture?"
"I saw something that will do that already," I said tapping away. "Okay, I'll position it near the television and bounce the received picture through the television. That way we should be able to pose and still see what's being taken."
"Show off," giggled Helen.
We took a few and forwarded the best to Rachel with a message saying, 'With love from your year-one patients.'
"Come on or we'll be late," said Helen. "Don't forget we've got to go the slightly longer way."
I don't know why Helen panicked, as we were there in good time. "Oh God, you make me seem so plain," said Paula as we walked in.
"Special treatment for the soloists," explained Anna. "Though I know what you mean."
We were soon all warming up and preparing for a ninety-eight minute musical extravaganza.
"Ten minutes till stage door," announced Mr Hobson.
"We will tune up now and then do a minor 'for show' tune up on stage. Okay Jill, give me a long and steady A," asked Stacy.
Stacy tuned up first and then the rest of the orchestra joined in. The nervous that I'd had all day were gone. There was no time for nerves. The concert was upon us.
"Strings on first, then woodwind, brass and lastly percussion," ordered Mrs Russell. "Stacy will be on after you're all settled."
The strings marched on and I watched Helen disappear with the woodwind players. I took a deep breath and followed Kevin through the side curtains and onto the brightly lit stage. The lights were still on in the hall and I could see that the hall was packed. As Stacy walked out, her violin in her right hand, the murmuring in the audience petered out and was replaced by the sound of applause. When she reached her seat she bowed to the audience and the applause grew.
As she turned her back on the audience they grew quite. She signalled Jill who gave a clear A. The single note filled the hall and made me smile. It was happening; it was really happening. I had no more time for self-indulgence as Stacy pointed to us and I was making sure that I sounded in tune.
Satisfied that everything sounded correct Stacy sat down and the orchestra went quite. The silence that filled the hall was broken with applause as Mrs Russell came through the doors and made her way to the podium. The orchestra all stood up as a sign of respect. When Mrs Russell reached the podium she shook hands with Stacy which caused the audience to applause even more. The lights in the hall dimmed leaving the lights shining onto the orchestra.
With a small hand gesture we all sat down and looked straight at Mrs Russell. She gave us all a small smile and with practiced hands raised the baton. All the eyes of the orchestra were on her as we waited to play. All the eyes of the audience were on the players. After what seemed like minutes, Mrs Russell's hand dropped and the sound of Claude Debussy's La Mer sang to the listeners.
After the much lighter Music for the Royal Fireworks, it was time for the interval. Lewis's joke about ice-cream had turned out to be spot on and was just what I needed. The lights beaming down on the orchestra had made me very hot.
"Don't drink too much," warned Mrs Russell. "You don't want to need the toilet half way through the second half."
As I passed by Stacy and Andy, I turned to Andy and said, "I saw the small cannon in the percussion. Just make sure that it's nowhere near me."
"It won't be," he assured me with a wry smile.
"I'll kill him if he does," assured Stacy.
Despite looking, I didn't see Wendy during the interval. It wasn't till after we'd played the Karelia Suite and I'd moved ready for the Mozart that I saw she had done an excellent job with her makeup. Being closer to the edge of the stage I was able to make out the front two rows of the audience. It was during the thirty-minute playing of the Sinfonia Concertante that I saw something strange. A lady had taken something out of her handbag and fastened it to the underside of her chair. She had done it rather subtly but I'm sure it looked rather strange.
During the massive applause that we got, I carefully whispered to Stacy what I'd seen. "Are you sure?" she asked.
"Yes," I replied as I took another bow.
"Tell Mr Hobson when you place the flowers outside the stage door," she said.
Mr Hobson, Dan, Keith and Mr Yates all come on carrying enormous bouquets of flowers, which just raised the volume of the applause. I felt giddy with excitement as Keith kissed me on my cheeks as he presented me with the flowers. I'd remember this day for the rest of my life.
The four soloists followed the departing staff out of the hall, so we could put the flowers somewhere safe.
"Well done," said Mr Hobson. "That was outstanding. You played, not as four soloists but as a single heart. I've never heard playing like it."
I tilted my head to one side, when I saw Mr Hobson looking at me. "Yes?" he said as he came close.
"There is a lady in the front row wearing a fuchsia suit. It is the fifth one from the centre. She took something out of her handbag and stuck it the underside of her chair."
"Are you sure?" he asked, his face beginning to frown.
"I know what I saw," I said with confidence.
"Okay, I'll deal with it," he said. "Well, this is a turn up for the books. You'd better get back or you'll miss the 1812."
"I don't think anybody in a ten mile radius will miss it," I said dryly as a rushed back inside.
"You didn't need the toilet, did you," teased Kevin.
"Shut up," I hissed back as his prompting put pressure on my bladder.
Go faster. Go faster. I willed Mrs Russell, but she conducted the 1812 at the proper speed. As I predicted though the ending was very loud and it took a while for the applause and general buzz in hall to die down.
The audience wouldn't let us go as they kept applauding. Mrs Russell mouthed the word national anthem. We had no music but that wasn't a problem, as we all knew it off by heart. She stretched out her right arm and pointed straight at Andy who started a drum roll, which rose in volume as Mrs Russell wiggled her fingers. The audience fell silent as they wondered what was going on. They were soon put out of there misery as the orchestra joined in. As the audience heard the tune they stood and the sound of singing filled the hall. It was the perfect ending to the first real concert I'd ever been in.
"I'm not having you go and eat, wearing clothes like that," we were informed as we left the hall. "Go and change and there will be snacks available in each of your common rooms. All curfews are extended by two hours giving you chance to wind down."
Helen and I didn't get chance to go as we were grabbed by Mr Hobson, "Helen, did you see anything strange during the Mozart?"
"No, why did something happen?"
"It's okay. Why don't you go and change. Jayne, will you come with me for a few minutes."
As I followed Mr Hobson, we passed Stacy who he also grabbed. He took us to his office where is punched a few things into his computer and it bought up what appeared to be a picture taken by a security camera. "Is that the person?"
"That's her," I said.
"Very interesting," he murmured.
"I thought they guests were vetted or known."
"Oh they are. I know who she is. What I find interesting is what she was doing. Do you recognise her, Stacy?"
"Mavis Brown from MI6. She is one of their department heads."
There was a knock on the door and Julia appeared. "Oh sorry, I'll come back later."
"Come in Julia. Did you find it?"
"Eventually. It was very well hidden and looked like it was part of the chair."
"What was it?"
"It's being analysed now, but it seems it was a bit more than a listening device. It was also short range so we are looking for a base unit. One interesting thing I'm told is our scanners wouldn't have detected it. They're being amended now."
As Julia left, I felt glad I was trusted to have been privileged to that conversation but I also knew it was something I would never be able to discuss. Why am I so observant? It might have kept me alive before I joined the school but at this rate it will get me into serious trouble.
"The Mozart was added to the concert so you could be observant like that in France," explained Mr Hobson. "Though I never dreamed it would be needed in our own school. The French have very good security measures so we are worried about being detected. The head of French security loves classical music and feels very privileged at being invited to the concert. He also likes to be informed of anything strange. So if we are detected there is a good chance he'll be informed."
"So you would like me to be observant?"
"Yes, roughly at the time of us going in will be the time you are doing the Mozart."
"So who do I inform?"
"Stacy."
"Me?" asked Stacy who had been sitting quietly.
"Yes, I'll make sure you have a way of getting a message out of the hall to a specific person, who should be able to contact the team."
I wonder if Mr Hobson is on the Alpha team or just a head of school. I'm still not sure of who is involved and who isn't. In some ways Julia being involved was a surprise, but on the other hand they would need a computer expert and she does know her stuff.
"If you'll excuse me for a moment, I'd like to see if Mrs Brown is still here."
Mr Hobson got out of his chair and disappeared out of the room. Stacy and I sat in silence for a few seconds before I asked, "You seem awfully quiet."
"I was just thinking of the implications of that conversation," said Stacy. "Firstly we aren't supposed to know who is involved in security and that has just been breeched. Also, we aren't supposed to get involved in fieldwork while we are at school unless something goes wrong. Nothing has gone wrong, but we are being asked to be the eyes and ears watching their back."
"So why didn't you say anything?"
"What could I say? Someone needs to watch their back and it's a safe and unobtrusive plan. It just sets a president for future missions and that worries me."
"I suppose you're right. What do we do?"
"I don't think there is anything we can do at the moment. You have a steep learning curve though."
"Oh?"
"I leave in just under a year and I think you are being groomed to replace me."
"What? I'll only be in year two. Wouldn't it be better for Ingrid or Fran to take charge?"
Stacy didn't say anything but just gave a sad smile and slowly shook her head. Before I could say anything Mr Hobson returned with a jovial smile on his face. "A base repeater was found just outside the school, hidden inside a fake rock. Once everyone has gone, we shall conduct a secure sweep of the area. Now how would you like to meet some of the guests? It's time to subtly tell Mavis she failed."
"After you," I said rising from my chair. I understood that this wasn't a question but a request.
As we walked into the main school, I noticed that the entrance hall and dining area had been converted to makeshift reception rooms. Members of staff were working as waiters, carrying trays of drinks and nibbles for the guests to consume.
"You look stunning," said Rachel Ruiz as she breezed passed, giving me no chance to respond.
"Ah, Jenny and Thomas," said Mr Hobson as we approached a middle aged couple. "I'd like you to meet Stacy and Jayne. Stacy is the leader of the orchestra and head girl. Jayne is one of the soloists tonight."
"It was exquisite," replied Thomas. "Thank you so much for putting on such a wonderful performance. You also both look stunning. They certainly teach you a wide range of skills in the school. Do you both enjoy it here?"
"I'm in the last year of the school," said Stacy. "So I've seen the school mature over the years and yes, I love it here. I've learnt so much, not just educationally but also about myself. It is something I will dearly miss when I leave."
"Will you go on to do a degree?"
"By Easter I should have enough Open University credits to have my degree," informed Stacy. "This school has a new teaching method which brings out the best in pupils. Before I joined this school I was just another someone at school. We also show the value of British Education when we play concerts abroad. For instance in a few days we will be playing two concerts in France. One to the government and various invited guests. The other is to the general public."
"Impressive," murmured Jenny. "What about you Jayne?"
"I'm in the first year of the school, so I've only been here about a month," I replied. Jenny and Thomas looked stunned so I quickly continued. "It has been such an eye opener. I think I cover in a week what I cover in a month at my previous school. I've found the music in the school impressive and it really brings the students together. Not only is it good academically but they also teach you other skills which will help you vocationally."
"I'm sorry," interrupted Mr Hobson. "There are a few others that have asked to meet some students."
"Of course," replied Thomas. "You have given me a lot to think about."
"Who were they?" I asked as we moved off.
"Thomas Johnson is the new head of the committee that oversees the school on behalf of the Department of Education. I wanted him to see that the school and the results it gives. Well done, you both impressed him and his wife."
"Ah Mavis," said Mr Hobson. "I'd like you to meet two members of the orchestra. Stacy is the leader and Jayne was one of the soloists."
"Pleased to meet you both," she said. "That concert was outstanding. The way the orchestra and soloists played against each other in the Mozart was the best I've ever heard. Truly outstanding."
"I'm sorry if you found the chairs slightly uncomfortable," I said. I saw Stacy's eyes slightly twinkle and I presumed she was stopping herself from laughing.
"Sorry?"
"During the Mozart you appeared to be quite fidgety."
"Was I? It was probably a long day in the office."
"Do you do anything interesting?" asked Stacy.
"Oh I just work for the government. Nothing very interesting."
"Oh that's a shame," I replied. "I hope I get to do something interesting when I leave school. I'd hate to be stuck in a boring job."
"It must be awful," lamented Stacy. "I take it you work in London."
"Mostly," she replied.
"Oh, I hear there is such awful traffic."
"And what about all those silly buildings," continued Stacy. "I saw the new one the London Mayor has, is very strange. But there is that crap one just further down the Thames, which looks like it's made out of Lego."
Mr Hobson who was standing silently next to us almost sprayed me with his drink. I later found out it was the MI6 building that looked a bit Legoish.
"Are you okay, sir?" I asked innocently
"I'm fine," he said.
"So do they teach you about architecture?" asked Mavis Brown.
"We get taught everything from mathematics, architecture, music, geography, electronics and physics," I said. "I love physics and electronics. It covers such a wide range of topics such as how short distance radio waves can be boosted by receptors."
"I think I'm starting to feel a bit tired," said Mrs Brown. "I've had a long day."
"I think I've bored her again," I said to Stacy.
"Not at all," Mavis quickly said. "I've just had a long day, so if you will excuse me."
"Of course," said Mr Hobson magnanimously. "I hope you have a safe journey back."
When she was gone, I noticed that the crowd had started to thin. "I think you should get back to your partners," smiled Mr Hobson. "I'm sure you both will have a lot to tell them in the privacy of your own rooms."
"Isn't that study partners?" I innocently asked.
"I know what I said and I'm not yet senile. Good night."
It is time for the field trip. A great time for any student to learn in a nice relaxing atmosphere...lol
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 14
"Years one and two in the front coach," instructed Mr Hobson. "The rest of you are in the second coach."
All our concert clothes were taken on special racks and would travel with our instruments in a large truck. I'm sure that Paula wouldn't have had trouble carrying her flute, but my French horn got very heavy after being carried for a while. The rest of the luggage had been placed in the entrance hall on big trolleys and the coach drivers had been very busy loading them since they had arrived.
"We're all going on a summer holiday. No more worries for a week or two."
We were split onto two coaches for the trip, so not quite the London bus used by Cliff Richard. Normally school trips abroad would involve an aeroplane journey. However, this time we were only going to Paris, so there would be no need for such luxury. Perhaps the next trip would mean that I get to go on my first journey into the sky.
Since we had an early crossing via the tunnel, under the English Channel, we would miss the worst of the traffic on the M1 and round the M25. I don't think I'd ever got up so early in my life and how Andy could appear jovial at three in the morning I don't know. He came very close to getting another slapping.
Our PDA's had all been left in our rooms and we were issued special versions that would link into the school computer system via publicly available wireless and wired networks. I knew the system well, as I'd helped Julia configure them over a very boring three-hour period. Doing one was interesting, doing two was amusing, but by my tenth it was getting repetitive. There were forty-two students, ten standard members of staff and six helpers. That was twenty-nine machines each. Boring! There was a legal requirement for one member of staff for every ten pupils, so it looked like the school was well inside their duty of care.
"For year one pupils, welcome to your first school trip," said Mr Hobson as we drove off. "For year two pupils this is your third trip, so this should be nothing new for you. During the trip, we will be staying at a Disney hotel. Here you will have the full use of the park. When we get through the tunnel, I will be issuing you some Euros, which should last you during your stay. I'm afraid that I'll need you to keep a tally of what you spend your money on, which you should be able to do on your PDA. During the stay, there will be a few competitions for you, including a treasure hunt to see how good you are at finding things in a strange area. None of them are dangerous, but they might stretch you and give you a better insight into where you are staying. One running competition is to find the person who gets recognised the least as English. There is no prize and no official tally is taken. Most of the hotel staff are multilingual and will attempt to speak the language of the person. So if you speak French to them and they respond in English, then you have been twigged."
"When are the concerts?" asked Jill.
"You're always the eager one to play. The first concert is going to be in the main Disneyland Park, in four days time. This is free and we've no idea who'll come. Most people will just be passing and hear us; they might leave after a few minutes to continue their fun. This concert is just for fun and you won't wear your fancy clothes for that. The main concert is going to be the evening after, in Paris."
"For the concert the other night, we had access to hairdressers to help. Will we have any such help here?"
"Don't worry; if people need help then it will be available. Now stop fretting and try and get some sleep. It's quite a long journey."
We got to the Chunnel with time to spare, so we all piled into the small eatery that they had there. We all started to get off the coach when I noticed that Jessica and Sam weren't with us. I climbed back into the coach and found Jessica refusing to get out.
"What's the problem?" I asked.
"I can't do it," Jessica replied. "People will notice."
"Jessica, the school wouldn't let you out if they didn't feel you were passable."
"Really?" she asked, dabbing her eyes with a tissue.
"Yes, really. Do you remember when Jill was outed and I went up to get her? Well, they wouldn't let Christopher go because he wasn't passable. You and the school have both worked hard over the last few weeks to make sure you are ready. You've worked hard on your voice and mannerisms and you do pass. What are you frightened of?"
"That someone will try to beat me up."
"You played in that concert the other day, nobody said you weren't a girl," offered Sam.
"I bet they were all in on it," refuted Jessica.
"Cobblers," I replied, starting to get frustrated with Jessica. "I was asked to meet some of the people afterwards and none of them had any ideas what happens in the school. To them you were born a girl."
"So let's get something to eat before Lewis eats his hand," giggled Sam, pushing Jessica out of her seat.
"Head up," I prompted as we exited the bus. "Smile and be confidant."
Jessica turned round, smiled and stuck her tongue out at me. I smiled; Jessica was back. We were soon flooding into the food area and loading our trays. Mr Hobson was standing by the tills as they totted up the bill for all our food. I was the last one through and saw the total price...yikes. Gah, the food was awful. Well it was better than my parents used to provide, but it wasn't a patch compared to the school. Oh how quickly my taste buds had got used to the taste of good food.
The French passport checks, which occurred in the UK, were abysmal. We approached and they just waved us through. We could have been anyone. I felt slightly upset, as I'd wanted to use my passport for the first time. The coach got onto the train and eventually we were off on the short tip under the sea. During journey under the English Channel we were given pouches with money in it. I had a look and inside mine was an extra envelope marked Beta 5. I looked inside and there was extra money and a credit card. Since I was sitting next to Helen, I silently showed her. She looked and she had the same, apart from it being marked Beta 6. We put them in our bags, safely out of sight. I presumed that the beta money was for emergency use. I hope it was something that we never got involved in. If we did, it would mean that the alpha team was in trouble and nobody wanted that.
All too soon the coach disembarked and we were travelling out of Calais. I was too excited to sleep and watched the French countryside zip past. A TGV going in the same direction as we were, passed us with ease and disappeared into the distance. A farmer on a tractor attended his crops. I suppose I'd have seen none of this if we'd flown.
A few hours later the countryside was left behind, replaced by the concrete of the outskirts of Paris. My face was glued to the window as I watched aeroplanes queuing to land at Charles de Gaulle airport. We must nearly be there. I suppose we were, but it still took forty minutes till we were entering the outskirts of the Disney complex.
"Since we have had to change the dates, there wasn't much room in the hotels, therefore we will be split over three different ones. Years one and two, so basically you lot, are in the Newport Bay hotel. Year three is in the Sequoia Lodge. Year four will be in the New York and lastly year five is in the Disneyland Paris hotel. The staff will be divided between the hotels. Rachel, Dan, Mrs Russell and myself will be staying in this hotel. Due to you all being under the age of consent, the hotels have put in two single beds and a bunk bed into each room. Year one has eight girls and two boys, so Lewis and Brian will be lucky enough to have their own room."
Yes! At least I'll be in with Helen. It's a shame we won't be in the same bed, but I'll survive.
Mr Hobson handled all our check in details at the hotel reception. Things took slightly longer as the staff had only prepared two sets of card keys per room and five were needed; one for each pupil and a spare for himself. When he eventually had the keys, he came across and we all crowded round, eager to get our keys.
"Here are your keys," he said giving little packs to each person. "With them you have a map of the two parks and tickets to get into the parks. What I suggest you do is take your luggage to your rooms and go to one of the theme parks for lunch. As long as you stick to the hotel, the two parks and the Disney Village, then you can go without a teacher being present. However, you must inform a teacher where you are. So say you are going to the studios, you must inform the teacher that you are going there, that you have got there and when you are leaving, where you are going. You can do that using your PDA. The PDA's should show the positions of yourself, the others students and the teachers. Any questions?"
"Evening meals?" asked Helen. "Are we making our own arrangements, or do we eat all together?"
"Fifty-eight might be a bit much for a single place to book, but any walk in place might be fun, just to see their faces. Let me think about it, but why don't you try to all eat together with your year tonight."
Helen and I were sharing a room with Jill and Anna, so we all grabbed our luggage and headed to the room. When we got in, Anna went rushing to the bunk bed and asked, "Can I sleep on the top bunk? I've never slept in a bunk bed before."
We all laughed, it was hers. Jill took the bottom bunk, which left Helen and I in the two single beds.
"Why don't we leave the unpacking," Helen suggested. "Let's explore."
"How do we get to the park?" asked Jill. "Do we get a bus or something?"
"It looks close enough to walk," I replied looking at the map. "It should also help us get our bearings. Let's get the others and go as all ten of us."
We were soon traipsing through the Disney Village towards the theme park. I'd never been abroad before; in fact I don't remember ever going on holiday before, so this was all new.
"Studios or the main park?" asked Brian.
"Oh the main park," Anna and Sam shouted at the same time, their excitement bubbling to the forefront.
We passed the Disneyland Paris hotel and were soon entering the park. I remembered little else of that day, it was all too exciting and it all seemed like a dream. The rides were fun, the food expensive and the company great.
"Are you okay?" asked Helen as we lay quietly chatting. "You've seemed very quiet."
"Is it your first time abroad?" queried Anna from the top bunk.
"Yeah, it doesn't seem real."
"It isn't real," giggled Jill. "It's Disney."
"You know what I mean," I sighed. "I just expect to wake up and find my Dad cooking."
"Do you miss your parents cooking?" asked Jill.
Helen spluttered and I gave a small laugh. "Actually I do a bit. It was awful and the food is much better at the school, but still I miss it."
"Because it was something your parents were doing for you?"
"I suppose," I said thinking about it. My thinking didn't last long as my eyes got heavy and I drifted into dreams of fanciful places.
* * *
As my eyes fluttered open I saw Helen smiling at me from the bed opposite. I smiled and closed my eyes, enjoying the laziness of a holiday. I had no schoolwork. Yippee! I was in two concerts but they were nothing, they were fun.
"Come on sleepy bones," said Jill as she pulled back my duvet.
"Get off," I said pulling them back over me. "I've not had my morning cuddle yet."
"Not with Jill and Anna in the room," protested Helen. "Anyway, the bed is too small."
Breakfast was buffet style in the hotel restaurant. I was glad I'd had continental style breakfasts at the school or I'd have been lost. The Pain au Chocolat just hit the spot. I think the French had something correct; you should defiantly have chocolate at breakfast.
As breakfast continued, we were joined by others from year one and two. Since we were down for the start of breakfast, we'd managed to grab several tables. I think we were all still operating on school time, where we got up early for jogging or cycling. France, being an hour ahead of England, made us seem less like mad English people.
"Today is another free day," said Mr Hobson as he joined us. "Tomorrow we will have a small competition, which I hope you find fun. Tuesday will be mostly free, but in the evening I have reserved a room for us to practice for Wednesday's and Thursday's concerts."
The day was fun and I was able to relax until we went on Space Mountain II. Oh my goodness, how could anyone find that relaxing. However, I wasn't the worst. Sam looked slightly ill.
"Are you okay?" asked Jessica as we entered the warm sunshine.
"I think so," Sam replied. "Can we sit down for a moment? My legs feel like jelly."
"That’s not a problem," we agreed. We all sat down, while Lewis went to raid one of the mobile ice-cream stands.
"Hey, where's mine?" asked Helen, trying to keep a straight face.
"And mine?" quickly added Brian.
"Okay," he laughed. "What does everyone want?"
We never got the ice-creams as Jessica suddenly turned white and uttered, "What are they doing here?"
"Who?" I asked, grabbing Helen and positioning ourselves in front of Jessica.
"I just saw my parents,"
"Which ones are yours?" asked Helen.
"That’s them," replied Jessica pointing towards the ice-cream stall. "It looks like they have brought their nephew and niece."
"Okay, I want Jessica, Sam, Brian, Lewis, Emma and Paula to go to Disneyland Studios. That will keep Jessica safe. Helen, Jill, Anna and I will keep a discrete eye on them so we can warn you if they are heading towards the studios."
"We'll need to warn Wendy," pointed out Helen as we followed them towards the spinning teacups.
"The way Wendy feels about her parents, that isn't a good idea," I replied. "I think it would be best to tell Tracy first and then possibly Yvonne."
"Doesn't the PDA show where they are?" suggested Anna.
"Duh! Of course it does," I replied, going into a different screen. "This is going to take about twenty seconds as it uses a slow system."
"Slower than?" asked Jill.
"Never mind," I replied, wishing I'd kept my mouth shut. Helen gave me an inquisitive look and I just gave her a weak smile. I knew I would get asked when we were alone.
"So?" asked Helen impatiently.
"It looks like Wendy is with Yvonne and a few others in year three. They are currently on the train that goes round the park," I replied.
"Where's Tracy?"
"She's not far away from the next stop. If they get off she will be able to intercept and they will be quite far from her parents."
"I'll ring Yvonne first," decided Helen. "That way they can get off the train."
"Yvonne, it is Helen, Jessica has just seen her parents in the park. I've got Jessica and some others in year one to go to the studios, so things stay calm...If you get off the next stop, you will be at the opposite side to where they are heading and Tracy is nearby if you need her."
I was frustrated as I could only hear one side of the conversation, but it seemed that Yvonne understood all too well what Wendy was likely to do and would try to stop that happening. As Helen phoned Tracy, I decided it would be best to inform Stacy.
"Hi Stacy," I started.
"What's up, Jayne?" she said, sounding all business like.
"How did you know something was up?"
"Because you wouldn't have rung me otherwise," she laughed.
"Wendy and Jessica's parents are in Disneyland Park. I've sent Jessica with the rest of year one to the studios. I'm following them with Helen, Jill and Anna to make sure they don't go near them. Helen has rung Yvonne to make sure Wendy stays away. She has also warned Tracy."
"Good work," she replied. "Keep following them and ring me back in fifteen minutes. I want to find out where they are staying and for how long."
Stacy had rung off and I didn't have a chance to ask her how she was going to find out the details. I presumed she was going to ring the hotels in the area to see if they were registered.
"Tracy said she was going to speak with Yvonne, but wasn't going to intrude unless required. Andrea, as the team leader, has decided that they will go to the studios."
Fifteen minutes later I rang Stacy back, "Hi," she answered. "Exactly on schedule. I'm glad I'm only in the Disneyland hotel. It didn't take me so long to get back and get changed."
"Get changed?" I thought to myself. "What is she talking about?"
"I presume it's just Helen, Jill and Anna with you?"
"Yes."
"I wish Anna and Jill weren't there," sighed Stacy, "but I think they are learning quickly to keep silent about certain things. Where are you and where do you think you're heading?""
"We are near the castle," I replied. "I think they plan to go through it and out towards Main Street."
"Let me know if there is a change of plan," she said. "I won't be on my PDA, but am actually on channel Beta 1. I think you can set your PDA to interface?"
"I was told that six student PDA's had been tweaked, including mine."
"Great, see you in a few minutes. Please don't laugh."
"So?" asked Helen as I hung up.
"Stacy says not to laugh," I replied. I turned to Jill and Anna, "You know we don't talk about the day when you joined the school?"
"We understand it isn't something to discuss," Jill replied. "Why?"
"There might be other things that you see, that you might want to 'not see'," I suggested.
"Huh?" came out of Anna's mouth.
"Never mind," said Helen, trying not to laugh.
I looked where she was looking and saw Stacy, decked out like a Disney employee, standing at the end of the bridge. It looked like she had a clipboard.
"My lips are sealed," said Anna, finally understanding what I was saying. "Where did she get that uniform from?"
"That is something you shouldn't be asking, as you haven't seen her," replied Helen, finally getting back control of her humour. "Anna, why don't you come with me? While Jayne stays round here, just in case they decide to go back."
I watched as Helen and Anna walked past Jessica's parents and sat on the curb at the little roundabout. They blended in, as if they were waiting to watch the afternoon parade.
Stacy had engaged them and it looked like she was conducting a survey. I looked around and saw Wendy heading on her own towards her parents. "Jill, it looks like we have trouble," I said moving to intercept Wendy.
"Oh, shit," came out of Jill's mouth.
"Hi Yvonne," I said, answering my ringing phone. "Yes, I know Wendy has run off, she is just heading towards her parents at the castle. I'm intercepting. Okay, see you in a few."
I quickly hung off, moving towards Wendy who had stopped and was looking at her parents. Mrs Barnes reached down and lovingly hugged her niece and nephew. That was too much for Wendy and tears silently started to trickle down her face.
"Come on Wendy," I said putting my arms round her. "Let's go."
"I should be with them," sobbed Wendy. "Richard and I should be enjoying ourselves with them. We should be getting those hugs?"
"Would you really like to be William again?" gently asked Jill.
"No," uttered Wendy, looking horrified at the idea.
I noticed that Stacy had finished interviewing Wendy's parents, who had moved on towards Helen and Anna. Stacy didn't move and started conducting another survey, keeping an eye on Wendy. There was no way Wendy would ever get past her to her parents. I think Wendy realised that.
"Come on Wendy," I said, turning her round and headed off in the opposite direction. "Yvonne and the others are worried about you."
"She's going to kill me," she said.
"I doubt it," I replied. "However, she will be upset that you broke the rules. What do you think your parents would have done if they had spotted you and worked out who you were?"
"I don't know."
"If they were upset, what do you think it would do if they outed the whole school?"
"Oh my goodness," Wendy uttered in horror. "I didn't think of that."
"Look, you miss your parents. I miss mine," I said, sitting down on a bench.
"At least Jill still gets to see hers," lashed out Wendy.
"That was uncalled for," I replied.
"I might see Julia around school, but I don't get to be with her. She teaches me computer studies, but I don't see her other than that. What do you think it's like, seeing one of your parent's everyday, but being treated like a stranger? Sometimes I want to reach out and ask for a hug from her, but I know I never can. It is like being alone in a crowded room. You are apart from your parents and that must hurt. I am reminded of my Dad everyday."
"Oh," said Wendy, but Jill didn't stop.
"You know your parents, you can send them emails or letters and they reply. I can't send one to my Dad. I have no mother. She was killed after a drunk driver lost control and rammed into hers. I sat in the hospital, my sister in a coma, holding my mothers hand as her life slowly dissolved. I hope it is many years before you have to attend one of your parent's funerals."
"I'm sorry," said Wendy, sounding rather small.
I looked up and saw the year three students hovering in the distance, waiting for us to finish what was being discussed. Tim and Andrea were blocking Yvonne from approaching. Jill wasn't finished.
"You have a sibling at the school who you can talk to. You can share your past, your good and bad times. I sat in the evenings holding my sisters hand while she lay motionless in a coma, unaware that her mother was dead and her Dad was back. Unaware that we would never be able to be a family again, that she would never be able to tell her mother that she loved her. She would never be able to say goodbye. I told her, while she slept, all sorts about how Dad was back, unaware that my Dad was Julia. I don't know how I could be so blind. It took over a week of constant living with Dad for me to find out, and that was by accident."
"I'm so sorry," sobbed Wendy. "I didn't think of anybody but me."
"Look Wendy, we all miss our parents. I don't think we would be human if we didn't. I know it seems cruel that we can't see them."
"I know why, it just didn't stop me taking the opportunity when I saw it."
"So you saw your parents. Does it make you feel better?"
"No," she admitted. "It just made me feel worse. As I stood there, watching them, I know I could never go back. I'm lost to them."
"You aren't lost to them. It is important to you and to them, to stay in touch. Jessica said how much your parents valued your emails; you still mean a lot to them. She also said that you had cut down the frequency of messages, why?"
"It is difficult to talk about things, without telling them or revealing that you live as a girl."
"How would they react?" asked Jill.
"Till I talked to Jessica, I thought they might be okay. However, it seems my Dad thought Richard was a wimp and I'm not impressed with the way he reacted. At least he didn't beat him up."
"Perhaps one day the rules will change."
"I hope so," responded Wendy, wiping her face. "The school has given me so much; I play music and learn at an advanced level free of fear. I've had the ability to find the real me in a safe environment and a place where I can transition without others caring. Yet there is the price we all pay. We leave our families bereft of any items to remember them by, such as a photograph. We then are told that we can no longer see them, not just till we are eighteen, but forever. That total separation from who we were is harsh on people who transition, but what about those who don't? Yvonne was born a girl and she is stuck in the same situation as me."
"Have you talked to Tracy about this?" I asked.
"Many times, she says it is for the best. It is easier for everyone that there is a single rule. One rule is less likely to be broken. Everyone knows why the rule is there and nobody would break it."
"You nearly did."
"Oh god," she moaned, bursting into tears again.
I left her with Jill so I could talk to Yvonne. None of the year three students were looking very happy. Yvonne just looked miserable.
"Okay," I said as they gathered round. "Wendy is feeling very low at the moment and she will need all your support. Yes, she went to look for her parents and yes, she saw them but they didn't see her. She didn't approach them and no harm to the school occurred. Wendy, on the other hand, is feeling very guilty and I don't want a repeat of what Jessica tried. She needs love and understanding, not chastisement."
I took Yvonne to one side and said, "She thought seeing her parents would make her feel better about things, it did the exact opposite, she has realised how much she has lost, but Jill did a good job of reminding her how much she still has. I recommend that you both see Tracy for a chat over a hotdog. She will be at the Restaurant en Coulisse at the studios in a few minutes."
"Thank you," said a relived Yvonne.
"Glad to help," I replied. "But I need to get back to Helen, who is following the Barnes family. I recommend that you all go to the studios straight away." I looked at my PDA and saw that Helen was still sitting where I'd seen her sit earlier. I laughed to myself as I could just see their faces if the Barnes had sat next to them. That would have been ironic. "I recommend you catch the railroad express back to the entrance, as they are all sat at the other end of the castle. They probably wouldn't see you if you snuck down the side passage by Main Street, but it is best not to chance anything."
Jill and I quickly made our way through the castle and I almost burst out laughing. Sat next to Helen was the Barnes family. If there was a God I think he has a strange sense of humour.
"I don't believe it," laughed Jill.
"Nor me," I replied. "This should be fun. We are going to have to watch the parade so that the Barnes's don't get suspicious."
It was starting to get busy and I was glad that Helen and Anna had put bags down so we could sit next to them. I ended up sitting next to Mrs Barnes.
"Isn't this great," I said to Mrs Barnes in French.
"Do you speak English?" she asked slowly and loudly.
I cringed when she did that. Were English people really that bad?
"A little," I said trying to speak English with a French accent. I sounded awful and I hope that they didn't twig. I heard a slight snigger from Helen, who I nudged.
"Do you know what time the parade starts?"
"In fifteen minutes," I replied. As I answered, a Disney worker asked us to put our feet back. I had to stop myself from laughing, it was Stacy. What was she doing still dressed like that?
"Thanks," replied Mrs Barnes.
"You have two lovely children, very well behaved."
"Thank you, but you don't look much more than a child yourself."
"Oh, how do you say it, I'm flattered."
"They are my niece and nephew. We have three sons of our own. Two of them go away to school and we had heard they would be in Disney today, so we came across to see if we could see them. They are both in an orchestra."
"You must be so proud," I replied. Surely Wendy wasn't so stupid as to tell her parents where to find us.
"Oh, we are. I'm so gutted that we haven't seen them. It was going to be a surprise."
"Surely the son that told you would know you were coming?" I asked, trying to find out if it was Jessica or Wendy.
"Oh they didn't tell me," she replied. "It was one of the teachers that sent me a message."
One of the teachers? That didn't make any sense. Why would one of the teachers do that?
"Perhaps the teacher was wrong?"
"They must have been, but we've had such a great day."
"So what are your sons like?"
Mr Barnes who had been listening said, "William and Richard both go to this special music school. William, the older boy, is doing so well that he has taken some of his exams two or three years early. I was a bit worried that Richard wouldn't fit in, but this teacher said that he'd found his feet and was excelling at school. Richard wasn't turning out as I expected, but now he is gone, I am missing him as much as I am William. I can't wait till they're both finished at school, so I can see them again."
"They sound wonderful," I replied. "Does Richard know you miss him?"
"No," he replied thoughtfully. "I never did tell him. It might be too late though, as I said a lot of things that probably hurt him. I never supported him when he needed it the most and I can never forgive myself for that."
"Don't fret, dear," said Mrs Barnes, laying her hand on her husbands leg. "If we don't see him today, then you can write him a note tomorrow."
As the parade finished, we saw Brenda, Fran and Ingrid start to follow the Barnes. I thought Andy came on the trip, not Brenda?
"I thought your cover might have been blown," said Stacy as she came up to us.
"Brenda?"
"She thought three girls might fit in better than two girls and a boy. I saw you chatting with Wendy's parents. Did you find out anything?"
"They said that a teacher at the school had told them that they would be here and that they were here just for the day"
"I'd got that they were here just for the day. Are you sure about a teacher telling them?"
"Very, I double checked. The same teacher is telling them how they're getting on."
"Thank you," said Stacy. "I must go and get changed, before I'm roped into doing something else! I will sort things out from here. Why don't you go and join Jessica and the rest of year one and three. I'm sure she will be relieved to know that all is okay."
As we made our way out, Helen said, "We don't mention what Mr and Mrs Barnes said to anyone. If there is a teacher telling the parents, we daren't tip them off."
"I think we've got the hang of not saying anything about what we see when we are with you," laughed Anna.
"You don't think it's Julia?" asked Jill.
"I doubt it," I replied, knowing what happened after the dress rehearsal, "but it is probably best that you don't mention it."
"I wouldn't have a chance, even if I wanted to," sighed Jill.
As we walked towards the studios, our PDA's pinged. We all pulled them out, Jill got there first. This was rather like a Wild West shootout; who could draw the fastest.
"We're all going to eat at Annette's diner at seven," she said.
"Where's that?" asked Anna.
"That’s in the Disney Village," I said. "We passed it this morning; it looks like a 1950's diner. Something you might see in 'Back to the Future'."
"What?"
"Sorry, my parents like to watch old movies. Er, 'Happy Days'?"
"Nope."
"You'll see," I laughed.
We found the others just before they went into Cinimagique. Having been tortured with old films, as well as soap opera's, I felt quite at home with the special montage."
"That made a nice relaxing change," said Helen as we came out. "We've been running around all day, so it was good to sit for a little while."
"I know what you mean," I said. "Even when we were sitting for the parade, we were constantly in action."
Jill turned to Paula and asked, "Did you do the back lot tour?"
"Not yet," she replied. "We did the Aerosmith ride three times. Lewis and Brian thought it was wonderful."
"And you didn't?" laughed Brian.
"Okay, I liked it too," she replied. "Just don't tell Emma."
Emma, who was standing next to Paula, just stuck out her tongue. "Jayne, next time you setup PDA's for trips here or any theme parks, can you integrate with the parks queuing system. It would be really cool if we knew how long each queue was."
Unfortunately there was a ninety minute queue, which we joined. Since it was a popular attraction, it would have been best if we had done it first thing in the morning. It was well worth the wait though and I was glad I was sitting on the right. Poor Jill, who was sat on the left, got soaked.
"Thank you for earlier," said Wendy as we went towards the exit. She'd been sitting a few rows back, so we hadn't had the opportunity to talk till now.
"Hey, it added a little bit of excitement to the day," I laughed, trying to quell her nerves.
"Did you see Stacy?" she giggled.
"I think it's best you forget how she was dressed," I suggested.
"Don't worry; I've been at the school too long to talk about things like that.
The rest of the afternoon passed without incident and the excitement of earlier soon faded from our conscious thoughts. We were the first to get to Annette's diner and noticed that it was virtually empty.
"Can we have a table for eighteen?" Tim asked. Just as he spoke years two, four and five turned up and the teachers also came. "Actually can you make that fifty-eight?"
"Fifty-eight?" the waitress squeaked, almost falling off her roller-skates. "Aren't you a bit young to be booking that many?"
"Can't you fit us in?" he asked innocently, his voice full of confidence from completing two years at Hayfield Hall.
"Of course," she replied, regaining a little composure. "Why don't we spread you down the left hand side, filtering towards the back?"
As we started to sit, Stacy appeared and said, "Jessica and Sam, why don't you go and sit with Yvonne and Wendy?"
"Thanks," said Jessica, her eye's lighting up.
"Thank you," said Wendy. "I don't think you know how much this means to me."
"I think I do," she replied with a laugh. She then turned to Helen and me, "Since each table seats six, why don't you sit with me and Brenda? It will then let Paula, Emma, Brian, Lewis, Anna and Jill sit together."
"Okay," I replied. "Who else is sitting with us?"
"Are you okay with Fran and Ingrid joining us?"
"Not at all," I laughed. "After today, it might be fun."
Each table had a link to the juke box. We could put in money and they would play the track we asked. I was tempted, but saw others busy selecting tracks and worked out there would probably be enough music to last till we were long gone.
"So, did they behave this afternoon?" I asked Brenda.
"Yep, we had lots of fun following them. I thought that they might head towards the studios, but that didn't happen. They seemed more interested in making sure their niece and nephew were happy and entertained."
"Let's hope they have given up and gone home," Helen replied. "Sorry that you all got involved and it spoiled your fun."
"It was a lot more fun doing what we did," said Ingrid. "The rides are great, but doing what we did, probably made me produce more adrenaline than any ride could ever do."
I was half way through eating a burger when I heard a voice ask, "Can we have a table for four?"
"That sounded like Mr Barnes," I said to the rest of the people on the table.
Will the Barnes parents find Wendy and Jessica? A school treasure hunt with a twist and a very familiar building.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 15
"Yes, it's the Barnes's," said Stacy, who had a view of the entrance. "It is a good job that we're all sticking to speaking French. It should confuse them a bit."
The Barnes's were seated near our table, so we were able to hear what they said. "Are you sure this is where she said they would be?" asked Mr Barnes.
"She said to be at Annette's diner and they would be there."
"There just appears to be a lot of French schoolchildren. There is no sign of our two."
"Never mind, dear. You'll have to tell him in that letter."
During the meal Mr Barnes got up to go to the toilet. He walked right past Wendy and Jessica and he didn't notice them. He was looking for two boys not two girls, who looked nothing like boys dressed as girls. Wendy and Jessica were so distracted with each others stories of their childhood together, that neither of them noticed their parents.
Even though we had started eating before the Barnes, we seemed to take more time over our meals. We chatted away and delayed desert while we all decided what we wanted. It takes time for so many children to make up their minds. Especially when people like Helen was deciding to watch her weight.
"I'm sure I won't fit into my concert dress," she moaned.
"Don't fret," I said. "We've done so much walking today that you won't have put any weight on. In fact it will probably be falling off your slim, gorgeous body."
"Stop it," said Helen blushing.
"Stop what?" I said, trying to sound innocent. "I'm only speaking the truth. Sometimes you act a bit like a male, but in the way you look after yourself, there is nothing masculine about that. You take good care of yourself, your body is stunning, your hair is shiny and radiant, and your eyes just sparkle with the joys of the day."
"It's a good job they have Anna and Jill share the same bedroom," commented Fran. "I worry for poor Jayne's virtue. It must be bad enough seeing Jayne all dolled up like her dreams, but then to make such comments would send any woman over the top."
Helen was trying to say something, but she couldn't. Her face was red with embarrassment and I think she was about to burst.
"Helen," said Brenda. "Why don't we go visit the toilet?"
"Huh?"
"Helen, go with Brenda," I ordered, moving out of the way so she could slide out from behind the table.
"Will she be okay?" I asked Stacy as Ingrid and Fran both disappeared to chat with some friends in year two.
"She will be, once she's spoken with Brenda. She's fancied you for years and worried that she thought of you as a girl. Now you are dressed as her fantasies, and making such sweet sounding words, she wants more."
"More?"
"More," she said, wiggling her thinly arched eyebrows.
"But I can't," I almost screamed, realising what Stacy was implying. "Anyway, it's against the rules."
"You won't be the first one to break that rule," said Stacy. Then quietly and gently asked, "But that isn't your problem, is it?"
"No," I said quietly, tears filling my eyes, ashamed of my reaction.
"Let's go for a walk, so that we can talk about this privately," suggested Stacy, rising from the red cushioned bench.
As we walked towards the entrance, we passed Rachel who was chatting away with Mr Hobson. "We're just going for a personal chat," informed Stacy. "I'll drop Jayne off when we are finished."
Rachel's raised her eyebrows when she saw my pained face, but didn't say anything. Mr Hobson just nodded his head and said, "Take care and if you need longer, then take it. I got the report back on the information, the two mailboxes were clean. More searches are taking place."
"Do you see the couple over there, with the two young children?" I asked, trying to sound coherent. "That's Mr and Mrs Barnes. They came in here because they had been tipped that their children would be in here. Wendy and Jessica haven't been alone and couldn't have tipped them off."
"Thanks," replied Mr Hobson thoughtfully. "This certainly changes things."
As we walked into the warm evening air, Stacy steered us towards her hotel. In her room she ushered me to a small settee.
"Why are you doing this?" I asked. "Why did you ask such personal questions at the diner?"
"Because you two are special," replied Stacy, passing me a glass of water. "You both took charge this morning; protecting, not just Jessica and Wendy, but the whole school. Nobody asked you to do what you did, but you did it on your own accord. Actions like that are why you were made the offer you were. I could've got Rachel to see you, but the issue developed now, so we are dealing with it. You implied that the rules were a secondary issue. That isn't something you would come to your own conclusion without Rachel forcing you to examine your emotions. So tell me about it. It won't go further than me and Brenda."
"I feel sick when I get big," I said, not wanting to be here or have this conversation.
"Is that because you don't like Helen?"
"No, I love Helen."
"Do you hate your body?"
"I don't know. I haven't had any issues dressing as Jayne but I never had any personal issues as David. Well apart from that one reaction."
"I see," said Stacy. "Do you prefer being Jayne or David?"
"The clothes don't make any difference," I said, after a few moments thought. "I didn't need much help to be passable as Jayne. It seemed I walked and talked a lot like Jayne, even when I was David. No wonder I had a hard time at school."
"After excitement like today, Brenda gets very horny," shared Stacy. "I saw the same look in Helen's face that I sometimes see in Brenda's."
"So what do we do? I'm not going to have sex, I don't feel ready."
"I'm not telling you to have sex with Helen, and as you said, it's against the school rules as well as being against the law. Brenda is having a chat with Helen and hopefully she'll look at your point of view instead of letting her emotions override her sensitivity to you. You also have to look deeper into your feelings about yourself. You don't like a certain reaction of your body, for some reason. Now that might be due to upbringing, fear, shock or possibly some other reason."
"Could it be because subconsciously I'm mentally a girl?"
"It could be, only you know what you want. It's probably too early to tell as you haven't had the chance to explore your feelings. If you had the opportunity to be David or Jayne, which would it be?"
"Well Helen seems to prefer Jayne-"
"That is not a good reason," interrupted Stacy. "You can't decide on the basis of what someone else wants. What do YOU want for yourself? This is one decision that you have to be very selfish about. If others say you are being selfish over it, then you are making the decision in the correct way."
"I'd like to stay as David."
"Why?" pounced Stacy, "because it's easier? Because it's something you've always been? Because you think that's what your parents want?"
"I suppose. I just don't know," I answered near tears.
"Now that's more of a truthful answer," said Stacy, putting her arms around me. "It hurts more as well, doesn't it?"
"I'm just so frightened," I said, a few tears leaking from my sore eyes against my will.
"I know, but you aren't alone," reassured Stacy. "This is the prime reason you are at Hayfield Hall; not because of future employment, but because you need to learn about yourself in a safe and secure environment."
"So what do I do about Helen?" I said, calming down a little.
"You talk to each other. She will understand that you have issues that you need to resolve. I was lucky that I already knew I wanted to be a girl."
"Is it worth it?"
"Is what worth it?"
"Being a girl, all the hassle you are going through?"
"For me it isn't hassle. It is something I need to do to become happy with myself. I don't feel I have any choice. You saw what Jessica was like when she thought that she might stay Richard for the rest of her life. Imagine what it is like for children without a supportive environment?"
"It must be awful," I sighed.
"For some it is," she agreed. "Now, are you ready to go back to your hotel room?"
"I think so," I replied.
As we walked slowly towards the Newport Bay hotel I asked, "Jill was worried that it was Julia doing the leaking."
"It's a possibility," replied Stacy, "but I don't think it is. There are too many things amiss."
"So do you have any clues?"
"So far a blank has been drawn. The person involved will be caught."
"Jill is having a few issues," I commented. "It is a big strain on her, seeing Julia every day is like the separation is being rubbed into her face. She sees her father and it is a constant reminder that she has lost her family for the second time. She doesn't feel she can send an email to Julia, as it wouldn't have the same distance as the other students do."
"What about Beth?"
"I'm not sure if she writes to Beth. From something Anna said, Beth appears to have taken it very hard. She lost her mother. Now she doesn't see her brother any more and Julia isn't around much. She might live with Anna's parents, but she was never as close as Jill was."
"How is she coping?"
"I've not had a chance to speak with Anna," I confessed. "She seems okay, but how much is actually a front, I've no idea."
"It's a very difficult situation. It can't be seen that Jill is being treated any differently from any other student. However, it seems the impact is greater than anyone expected. In the short term, I'll pass it on to Rachel, so she can talk about it with Jill over a longer period of time. Also, I think it might be a good idea if Rachel speaks with Julia, as she is probably having a hard time too. For a longer term solution, that is up to Mr Hobson."
"I just want Jill to be okay," I said weakly, not having thought of the impact on Julia.
"Don't we all," said Stacy as we walked into the hotel lobby. "This looks like a great hotel."
"It's very comfortable," I replied. "Not quite as grand as yours, but very nice. This is the first time that I've ever been away."
"Ever?"
"Yep. My parents were quite poor, so we didn't have holidays."
"Its little details like that, which are never on student records," Stacy sighed, looking thoughtful. "What about the others in the year."
"Oh, they've all been away before. I think they've all been abroad as well."
"Well, there is Helen with Brenda," pointed out Stacy. "Thank you for today and I hope you have fun in the competition tomorrow."
"Aren't you taking part?"
"No, since it's going off the park area, each pair of students will need to be accompanied by a teacher. There are seventeen pairs of students in years one to four and sixteen teachers and helpers. Year five students will accompany some students. That leaves some of the teachers to monitor the competition and perhaps prepare for other things."
"Are you okay Helen?" I asked as we got within talking distance.
"Oh Jayne, I'm so sorry," said Helen, jumping up and giving me a hug.
"Sorry? What for?"
"For letting my hormones think for me and not thinking how you would feel."
"You didn't do anything," I protested, Helen's hug crushing my ribs.
Helen must have heard my laboured breath and let me go.
"No, but that was only because Brenda took me to one side and talked to me. I'd forgotten that you got ill under certain circumstances."
"We have both learned today, we need to talk to each other more. I doubt any relationship, no matter how well suited, will work unless both people tell each other how they feel. Helen, I love you so much that it pains me to have that problem."
"I know you love me. I love you too. Look, we're only thirteen so why worry about it now."
With that, Stacy and Brenda sent us to bed. I turned around to see them disappear out of the hotel door, their arms around each other, unashamed to be seen as two lesbian lovers.
* * *
"Everyone, listen up," said Mr Hobson, above the excited chat of the students. "Year five students have volunteered to accompany year one and some year two students. Each set of students will be set off in ten-minute intervals. You can go wherever you need to, to get the items. Nobody should need to leave the Paris area. It won't be the first pair back, but the one that is the quickest. Since each year has different tasks, I will be setting four pairs off at once. The most important thing is, no running. This is supposed to be a safe competition. I don't want anybody hurting themselves."
"What level of help can the person accompanying us give?" asked Lewis.
"They can't help at all with the competition. So no asking them to help, it will only embarrass them to have to refuse. They are there to make sure you're safe."
"Can I have Helen, Jayne and Stacy; Fran, Ingrid and Peter; Tim, Andrea and Mrs Russell; and Kevin, Susan and Dr Thompson."
"Which one?" simultaneously asked Becky and Keith.
"Oh sorry, Becky."
We all went up and were given a sealed envelope. Mr Hobson blew a whistle; our clock was running. Helen moved to one side and opened the envelope. We had to return with a figurine of Mickey Mouse, a pair of gardening gloves, and a picture of us outside a building where a hunchback used to ring a bell,
"I saw a leaflet explaining about Val d'Europe," I said. "They have a shopping area which should have the gloves. We can get the RER and then onto Paris for the photograph."
"Sounds good, lets go."
The RER station was just at the other side of the Disney Village, a stones throw from the entrance to Disney. Helen, whose French was slightly better than mine, ordered the tickets and we rushed onto the platform, just in time to catch the train.
"How far is it?" Helen asked.
"Next stop," I replied, remembering the information I'd read.
"Poor Fran and Ingrid were just behind us and missed the train," said Helen.
"Ouch, that's bad luck."
As the train trundled towards the destination, I said to Stacy, "Thank you for last night. It's nice to know that people are looking out for us."
Stacy smiled, "Your happiness is enough thanks."
"Who looks after you and Brenda though?"
"Oh, the rest of year five do a jolly good job," she replied. "Rachel also keeps a special eye open. She knows that the head girl is a hard position. Next year will be the first time that nobody from year five will be a beta person. That is going to cause some headaches for the lead beta couple."
"Unless they appoint someone from the current year four to replace you," I stated.
"I doubt it," she said, "but you never know."
The train slowed down and we exited the train onto the platform, up the stairs and eventually onto the street. In the distance to our right, was our destination.
"Impressive," said Stacy. "Are you sure you haven't been here before?"
"Of course not," I replied. "As I said, I saw a leaflet about it. They probably don't have leaflets like that at your hotel, it's too flashy."
Inside the shopping mall, it was no different really from one in England. It had the usual mix of shops including a small hypermarket. Well perhaps that wouldn't have been in an English mall. We found the gloves and Helen paid. One item down and two to go.
"I wonder how the others are getting on," pondered Helen, pulling out her PDA.
"Helen, they have stopped other students seeing where each other are," informed Stacy. "It stops them cheating."
"Oh well, it was worth a try."
"We can get the figurine in Disney," I said. "It just leaves the picture."
We started to leave the mall, when I saw a photograph shop with a curious sign in the window. "Hang on," I said to Helen and Stacy. "What does the rule exactly say regarding the photograph?"
Helen rummaged in her bag and pulled out the instructions, "We have to have a picture of us outside a building where a hunchback used to ring a bell."
"Well that is presumably Notre Dame. It doesn't say we have to go there, just that we have a picture of us outside the building."
"So how are we going to do that without going there?"
"Read that sign in the photographer's window."
"Do you think that will work?" she asked as she finished translating the text. They superimposed pictures of people on places around the world.
"It will only delay us a few minutes to find out," I laughed.
"I saw your notice in the window," I started. "Can you do us outside Notre Dame?"
"Yes," he replied. "But why not somewhere more exotic such as the Pyramids?"
"Notre Dame," I insisted.
The man just shrugged and had us stand in front of a blue screen. We all smiled and the photo was taken. After parting with thirty Euro, which I thought was a rip-off, we had our photograph.
"I don't think this is what Mr Hobson had in mind," she laughed, "but it certainly complies with the competition. It didn't say we actually had to go there."
As we waited for the RER back to Disney, a train came through, going towards Paris. We spotted Paula, Emma and Andy on the train. Stacy saw Andy notice us and gave a small wave. Andy smiled but didn't give any other response, not wanting to give a clue to Paula and Emma.
"There is a Disney shop in the Disney Village," I remarked as we got off the train.
It took us a while to find what we wanted, but we found a rather nice seven centimetre tall figurine of Mickey waving.
"Having trouble?" asked Mr Hobson, as we approached him.
"Not at all," Helen replied. "We've finished."
"Already?" he asked incredulously.
Helen took off her backpack and we presented our head teacher with the items. He pressed a few buttons on his PDA and stopped our clock.
"I've got to admit that you have all the items, but I am very suspicious. It is impossible for you to get all the way to Notre Dame in that time, let alone get back."
"You didn't say we had to GO to Notre Dame," I complained. "We have a picture with us outside the building. There was a photograph shop which superimposes people in front of places of interest."
"I've got to admit that was a most novel answer," he laughed. "It certainly does the trick. I'll give you extra credit for ingenuity. I doubt anybody will get back in the time you set."
"How goes the search for the leak?" I asked after making sure we were alone.
"We have ruled out any of the students. We did a search and nothing left through official channels."
"It doesn't make sense for one of the teachers to be involved."
"No it doesn't, but at the moment I have no other answer. Now it's going to be a while before others get back, so I have a task for you. I'd like you to be familiar with the area around the concert hall. Especially to the south."
"Of course, sir," replied Stacy. "We shall probably eat out, tonight."
"I'll get Andy to give you a ring later," offered Mr Hobson. "If he isn't back too late, it might be nice if he joined you for the meal."
"I'll meet you at the station," said Stacy to Helen and me. "I'd change into something slightly smarter and also grab a light jacket. It is warm now, but it will cool off this evening. Make sure you have some of your emergency money with you, just in case we get separated. I'll pay for most things, but if you do use any you must tally it up separately from the rest."
"How smart?"
"Not too smart, but we might have a nice meal and they won't let us in if we are in trainers."
I'd not seen trainers until just before the field trip. I bet they would disappear afterwards.
"Okay," I said, starting to understand what was being talked about. "See you in about thirty minutes."
"This is something a bit different," I said to Helen as we walked towards our hotel.
"Yeah," replied Helen. "Why are we doing it though?"
"I suppose just in case something goes wrong," I pondered. "We will then know where to go and what to avoid."
"You expect things to go wrong?"
"No, but it is best to be prepared. Stacy said that things have never gone wrong before, but you can never tell what might occur."
Thirty minutes later, we met Stacy at the train station. We were all decked out like tourists and Stacy even had a camera.
"I was going to do this tomorrow," said Stacy. "At least doing it today, I will be able to spend more time with my friends."
"You all seem to get on really well," I commented. "How does you being head girl affect the time you can spend with them?"
"It can put a strain on things slightly," she said after some thought, "but they understand and I make an effort to do things with them. I'm going to be sad when the year ends and we move apart. I've spent four years with them all, and they are like family."
"Won't you keep in touch with them?" I asked.
"Oh sure, but it won't be the same."
"So where are we going?"
"The 9th district town hall."
"What?!"
"The town hall houses the Rossini Room, which is where we will be playing. It isn't as large as the Mogador Theatre, but you wouldn't have played to so many people. Even with this venue we were sold out within two weeks of tickets going on sale."
"You're kidding?" gasped Helen. "Most concerts when we were at school were watched by family."
"You forget that our school has a reputation abroad for excellent music. It's just not heard of in the UK. Okay, we will catch the RER and get off at the Auber station. It will be just over a kilometre from there to the town hall."
We spent the afternoon walking around the area the concert was going to be. As we passed a row of buildings, one stood out as familiar, it was the building we'd met in as the beta team.
"I see the concert hall was chosen for another reason," I said, as we went round the corner."
"You only saw the outside once before and it wasn't well lit," complained Stacy.
"I suspected the reason for the wander," I smiled. "For some reason the design stuck in my mind."
"Did you recognise it?" Stacy asked Helen.
"No," replied Helen. "But I've not been one to live in fear and observe everything to try to avoid being punched. To be honest, I'm glad I didn't develop that skill, I know Jayne still thinks about those times."
I kept quiet, not wanting to say anything to deny or agree. I still had some male pride left. However, Stacy didn't give me room to manoeuvre.
"I still get the occasional nightmare," she quietly said, her voice tinged with sadness.
"Oh Stacy," I said, giving her a hug. "After all this time?"
"They aren't like they were and Andy helps. It took a long time before I accepted Andy instead of Brenda in the same bed."
"And there was me, trying to be brave," I said. "Yes, I still have the occasional nightmare that I end up being beaten-up for not staying alert."
At that point, I made a silent resolution to myself never to hide things like that. It could only hurt others and didn't really help me. I'm sure my nightmares would be worse if I didn't sleep with Helen. When I started to have one, she was always there with her arms round me. I'd never told her what was happening, but it seemed she knew.
Let's have a drink, I said, breaking the moody silence. "I could do with a nice hot chocolate."
"Mmm, yes," smiled Stacy. "That sounds just the thing."
We ended up sat outside a café in the square, overlooking the entrance to the Notre Dame. It was certainly more impressive than in the fake photograph.
Stacy's PDA went off and she smiled when she saw who it was, "Hi Darling," she said. "We are outside the Notre Dame, having a hot chocolate...No, we haven't had a cake, so if you hurry up you can have one when you get here. Don't forget to put on a jacket, it gets cool at night."
"So, what do you think of Paris?" I asked Helen.
"Great so far, but I've not seen anything. While we are in the centre, would it be possible for us to see inside Notre Dame and possibly see the Eiffel Tower?"
"I was going to suggest that," laughed Stacy. "Let's wait for Andy though. He would kill me if we saw it without him."
"I know I shouldn't ask this," I said taking another sip of chocolate, "but I'm confused. I've only seen you as Marcus during that Monday. However, Andy seems to be Brenda a lot more often."
"That's true," nodded Stacy. "In my mind there isn't a lot of difference, so I sometimes don't realise if it is Andy or Brenda. Andy isn't transgendered but a cross-dresser. Andy was born male and will probably die male. To Andy, getting dressed up as Brenda is just a bit of fun. He enjoys the thrill and excitement it gives and he likes to fool people."
"Sorry for asking," I said, feeling guilty that I had.
"Its fine," replied Stacy, leaning across and putting her hand on mine. "Andy won't mind that you know. You two have been very open about yourselves and we should be the same. You know my birth sex and it hasn't changed how you treat me. I doubt you will treat Andy or Brenda any different."
"Um, I've not told Helen," I confessed.
"Jayne, you know you shouldn't have any secrets between you," scolded Stacy, looking furiously at me. "You of all people should know that."
"Sorry," I said. "Helen, Stacy is transgendered. She is like Jessica and Emma."
"I'm afraid that I was prejudice," admitted Helen. "When we were to be waxed, I asked for you because I was worried about being seen in my underwear by Andy. I didn't think about what was underneath, but what was visible. It shouldn't have mattered to me who did the waxing."
"Is that why you asked to be done by Andy?" asked Stacy.
"I thought some of the girls might be nervous, so I offered. Anyway, I'd heard that Brenda was better than you at some beauty things."
Stacy burst out laughing. "That she is, but please don't remind her too often, or I'll never hear the end of it! Please excuse me, nature calls."
When Stacy disappeared into the café to use the toilet, Helen turned to me and said, "Okay, there's more, isn't there? You know what she meant when she said nightmares."
I proceeded to tell Helen the little that Stacy had told me, during the dash to get Jill and Anna. When Stacy reappeared, Helen, who was still upset at what I'd told her, jumped up and gave Stacy a big hug.
"Thank you," replied Stacy sombrely. "It's good to know that I've support of the few people that know. It's also nice that Jayne told you when I wasn't here."
By the time Andy arrived, we were all sedate again. The smile on Stacy's face grew as she saw her partner enter the square.
"Hi," he said giving Stacy a kiss on her lips.
He leaned across and gave Helen a kiss on her cheek. He looked at me and I gave a slight nod. I braced myself for the horror but it was nothing like I expected. He gave me a very gentle peck and it was over with.
"You can breathe again," giggled Helen.
"That was very brave," commented Andy.
"Stacy said yesterday that I don't know who I am. I know it isn't really the time to find out, but I never look a gift horse in the mouth. Anyway it isn't my first kiss; Keith Thompson kissed me after the rehearsal concert. Though that was unexpected and I consented to yours."
"Well be careful," said Stacy, her face slightly worried. "Freaking out on a field trip isn't good. The school wouldn't have let you come as Jayne if they thought there was any chance of that."
"What? You mean if I'd been upset, I could have come as David?"
"Don't you remember the first rule of the school; your safety. As Mr Hobson probably told you when you joined, the psychiatrist's can overrule anything at the school."
"I don't feel like freaking out," I said. "I'm not as unhappy about being Jayne as I thought I would be. My uncle thought it was fun, so I'm trying. When I get back to school, David will probably be back. Sorry Helen."
"I just want you to be happy," relied Helen, though I could hear the tinge of disappointment in her voice.
"Didn't someone say cake?" asked Andy, changing the subject.
After the cake was enjoyed, we spent the afternoon being tourists and seeing the sites. Paris certainly had some history and we didn't have enough time to even scratch the surface. I was quite disappointment to have missed the Louvre, but I'm sure I'll get another chance sometime.
After visiting the top of the Eiffel Tower, my stomach started to rumble. I looked at my watch and saw it was approaching six. We had been on the tourist trail for hours. "So where are we going to eat?" I asked.
"There is a lovely restaurant near the Sacré Coeur," said Stacy. "It has wonderful views of Paris. You can even see the Eiffel Tower in the distance."
"So it has nice views," commented Helen. "But what's the food like?"
"I don't think you will be disappointed. Jayne, you've never eaten in a restaurant before, will you be okay?"
"I'll try it," I smiled, my stomach getting those butterflies back.
"If you don't like it, when we get there, we will go somewhere else," offered Andy.
"Thanks," I replied.
"We could get the metro, but it only takes you to the bottom. The hill is quite steep, so why don't we get a taxi?"
After all the walking that we'd done today, I was glad to get in the taxi. Andy sat in the front, with the rest of us in the back. The traffic was a nightmare, but after twenty minutes we were being dropped off.
"I've never heard so many swear words," said Stacy.
"Is that what they were?" I asked. "We didn't cover those in lessons. The taxi driver certainly rode like a lunatic"
"Nor did we," laughed Stacy. "I blame Andy for corrupting me."
"Hey, I just like to understand the full details of a language," he replied, trying to sound pained at Stacy's comment.
"Can I have a table for four?" asked Andy as we went in.
"I'm sorry," said the Maitre d' in English, "but you don't look old enough to be able to pay."
Andy discreetly took out his wallet and showed the snotty man that he had enough for several meals.
"Very good, follow me."
"Not even an apology," I fumed quietly to Helen.
"I know, and he switched to English."
"Do you mind if we speak French," asked Andy, keeping in French. "I wouldn't want to appear ignorant in front of my friends."
"As you wish," he replied, giving us four menus with English translations.
Stacy, who spoke French with a French accent, spoke for the first time, "How dare you," she complained in a snooty French accent. "I don't speak this English language and you insult my heritage in giving me this filth."
"I'm sorry," he said quickly gathering the menus and returning with French ones.
Damn, I wish I'd got the English version. My knowledge of Haute Cuisine wasn't the best in the world.
Once our orders had been taken, we settled down to admire the view and later the food. Stacy smiled as she saw the look on my face as I ate.
"You like?"
"Oh yes," I replied, trying not to gush. I was so glad that the school had prepared me for proper food, rather than what my parents had concocted.
"This is food to die for," agreed Helen.
"Well don't get too used to eating in places like this," warned Stacy. "This was a treat for what you did yesterday. Also you need to have some experiences like this, just in case you need it in future life."
"I've never eaten anywhere so classy."
"This isn't that classy," laughed Andy. "You have that experience to come. This is just a very nice restaurant. I'm not wearing a suit, yes they frowned but they let us eat here. Some places we would need to be a lot more smartly dressed."
"The ones to watch out for are the ones without prices," informed Stacy.
"But how do you know how much things cost?"
"Only the rich eat there, as the price doesn't matter to them. Think of this as a stepping stone in your education, once you are used to this, you can move up the ladder."
"Education?"
"Education in life. Learning isn't just reading from books or in classrooms. Take today, you saw some wonderful sites and you learnt about the history of the time, when they were built, why they were built and things that were important about them. You could touch the walls of the Notre Dame, you experienced the wind and views from the top of the Eiffel Tower, and saw the majestic sight of the Arc de Triumph. These are things that you will remember and help your learning of French history. You learnt a lot more today than you would in a textbook"
"Yeah, we almost got ourselves killed trying to cross the road to the Arc de Triumph," agreed Helen.
"Yep, that we did," laughed Stacy. "I bet you will remember the chaos of the French road system and how mad their drivers are."
"Have you seen the time," asked Andy to Stacy after we'd finished our coffees.
"Yes, I suppose we better head on back, we have rehearsals tomorrow. We don't want Mr Hobson sending the teachers after us. I wouldn't want a repeat of what happened two years ago."
The mystery man is revealed and the school performs the first of the two concerts.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 16
"So, what was it like?" asked Emma.
"What was what like?" I replied, my mouth full of a croissant.
"No talking with your mouth full," scolded Helen.
"Yes Mum," I replied.
"It was great," I replied. "We saw inside Notre Dame, climbed the Eiffel Tower and saw the Arc de Triumph."
"How come you got to do all that and we didn't," moaned Paula.
"Because we finished the competition hours ahead of you," I replied.
"How? Mr Hobson wouldn't tell us."
"There is a small shopping centre at the next stop on the RER," I replied. "That is where we got the gloves from. We noticed a photo shop that superimposed people in front famous places."
"That’s cheating," moaned Jessica, thinking of all the time she spent trying to find the gloves. At least with the picture being digital they didn't need to wait to get the picture developed.
"Probably," I giggled, "but it was within the rules."
"We've done a lot of the rides," said Brian. "I wonder if we could go into Paris."
"Why don't you ask Mr Hobson?" Helen replied. Mr Hobson had just appeared with his breakfast."
"Ask me what?" he said, putting his tray down on an adjacent table.
"We were wondering if we could all go into Paris and look at The Louvre."
"You're bored of the parks?"
"We've done the majority of them," explained Brian. "The Louvre would give us a nice balance to the trip."
"That it would," agreed Mr Hobson. "I'll see who I can get to go with you. Why don't you all gather in the reception area at nine? Be wearing neat clothes and no trainers. I want you looking respectable."
At nine, we were all gathered in reception when Rachel appeared with one of the helpers. I recognised him as the mystery man that had spoken to Mr Hobson just before it was decided we would play Mozart's Sinfonia Concertante.
"All of you, this is Mr Taylor. He offered to help out with the field trip and, along with me, will be helping look after you today."
"Hello, Sir," we all politely uttered.
"I've been told who you all are, but I'm only meeting you for the first time, so please forgive me if I get your name wrong."
As we approached the RER station I said, "Why don't we go to the Auber station and we can walk past where we're going to play."
"Ooh, that sounds great," said Jill.
The others just nodded their acceptance, they weren't really that bothered, but knew it would please Jill, so went along with it.
As we walked towards past the town hall, towards the Louvre, I said, "Why don't we go this way? I think we found it was shorter."
"What are you doing," hissed Helen.
"Trying to prove a theory," I replied, slowing down slightly so Mr Taylor, who had been slightly behind, passed me and was in front.
"Well be careful," ordered Helen. "You're playing with fire."
"I will," I giggled, trying to calm her down.
As we walked past the building, I noticed that nobody, other than Mr Taylor, took any notice. The front door was closed, so he didn't get a look inside.
I moved next to Mr Taylor who was slightly behind the others.
"It's a very interesting building, isn't it?" I said, with my opening gambit.
"Very interesting architecturally," he replied.
"Shame the door was shut; the inside must be even more ornate."
"I'm equally disappointed," he replied evenly, not giving anything away.
I was slightly disappointed, as the subtle approach didn't appear to be working. I decided to be a bit blunter.
"By the way, you aren't as allusive as you might want to be," I offered. "I've seen you at the school twice."
He looked at me with a strange glare. I looked away and noticed a man that seemed very interested in us. Nah, it's probably just my imagination. All this thinking about spy stuff is going to my head.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to say anything, but if I didn't tell you, then you wouldn't be able to improve."
He laughed slightly. "Quentin said you were too observant, though you did a good job with Mavis last week."
"That is why you asked Mr Hobson to arrange for the Mozart, isn't it?"
"That was one occasion, what was the other?"
"The fire alarm."
"I thought you would have been too concerned, being dressed for the first time. Everybody else was too worried about the fire."
"Sorry," I again offered, putting my head down. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the man was still glancing at us. Even though we had gone round two corners he was still there.
"You better get back to Helen. She keeps giving you worried glances."
"She thinks I shouldn't be talking to you."
"You know that she's correct."
"Yes, but if I don't understand, then I can't help. I made sure you were who I thought you were before telling you about the two slips. It wouldn't have been fair to tell Mr Hobson, as it would have meant him admitting that you existed. Also, I don't like telling others about mistakes. I like to warn the individual if I can."
"That’s very noble, but you do realise I'm going to have to tell Mr Hobson about this."
"I know," I replied. "Sorry for causing issues, but I couldn't see any other way."
I skipped off and was soon walking next to Helen. She took one look at my face and frowned.
"You're in trouble, aren't you?"
"Probably," I replied. "But it was worth it. I found out what I needed to."
"Which was?"
"That he was glad we came this way," I said softly. "Helen, I have another theory, don't look, but I think we're being followed. Chase me."
I don't know how she stopped herself from looking, but Helen managed. She tried to hit me over my head, but I saw it coming and ran off. The chase must have seemed very strange but the others in year-one just egged us on.
"Helen and Jayne; stop it!" yelled Rachel.
Since we were ahead, I grabbed the PDA from my bag and used it to take a picture of everyone. I made sure the person who had been following us, was also within the picture.
"What was all that about?" asked Rachel angrily, as she caught up. "I thought you could be trusted."
"I'll try to do better," I replied, refusing to say sorry again. I felt I'd said it enough in the last ten minutes.
I attached the picture to a message and forwarded it to Mr Hobson with the message 'The man on the left was following us just south of the concert location.'
The Louvre was wonderful and we all had a great time seeing, not just paintings, but things from around the world. It made a nice change from the excitement of the rides at Disney. This was real, where as Disney, which was fun, was pure escapism.
The day was slightly dampened for Helen and me, because Rachel was keeping a watchful eye over us. I don't think she'd forgiven our behaviour from this morning. A few times I thought about talking to her, but there never seemed to be a chance, there was always someone around.
In the middle of the afternoon I got a message from Mr Hobson. 'Your instincts were correct; it looks like you were being followed. The man is an escaped paedophile who likes to abduct young teenage girls. Your picture, with the rest of your year removed, gave the police their lead and he has been arrested. He admitted to following you.'
I showed the message to Helen and said, "Do you want to join me, while I have a word with Rachel?"
"Oh yes," she replied. "I hate being in the dog house."
"Dr Ruiz," I said formally, "can we have a word about this morning?"
"Do you think now is the time for this?"
"Probably not," I replied. "However, this morning there was a reason for our behaviour. I thought we were being followed, so we pretended to be naughty so we could rush ahead and get a photograph without it being obvious."
"Really?"
"We just got this back from Mr Hobson," said Helen, taking my PDA and giving it to Rachel.
"I don't know what to say," Rachel said after reading the message.
"You did what you thought you had to," said Helen. "It did appear that we were being naughty and it was only correct that you told us off."
"Yes, but I should have asked for detail afterwards. It was so against your character that I should have realised that something was happening."
Helen whispered something in my ear. I turned round and looked at her, aghast at what she'd said.
"Are you sure?" I asked. Helen just nodded and I sighed. "Rachel, you're going to have to punish us for what we did."
"Why?" Rachel asked, puzzled at our request.
"Because it would destroy the others confidence, if they knew we had been followed by a paedophile," explained Helen.
"But that’s not fair on you," complained Rachel. "You spotted a danger and reacted. I can't punish you for that."
"Life is never fair," I said, reiterating something my Dad used to say to me quite often.
"Okay, I'll announce something when we get back to the hotel. Don't forget there is a rehearsal tonight for the concerts."
When we got back to the hotel, the others in year one had learned that we were going to be punished. They all gave words of support, but nothing they said deterred Rachel.
"Helen and Jayne potentially disgraced the school today," started Rachel, putting on a show. "Since this is their first time they've misbehaved, I will be light. When back at school, they will fetch the meals for three consecutive days."
"Yes Dr Ruiz," we both said together, hanging our heads in shame.
"You have an hour before orchestra practice," she said. "Disney has kindly provided a room for us at the conference facilities in this hotel. If you go to the convention centre, there will be details of the room. Oh, Helen and Jayne, Mr Hobson would like to have a word with you in his room."
As we walked towards his room, Helen asked, "Is this because of your chat with Mr Taylor?"
"Probably," I said. "Though I don't know why you're here."
"Probably because we are a team and we're supposed to keep each other out of trouble. Also the 'no secrets' rule is involved."
I knocked and was ushered in. Inside, on one of the seats, was Mr Taylor and on invitation we took seats near him.
"Why?" asked Mr Hobson.
I looked at Helen and she shrugged her shoulders.
"Why what?"
"Why did you go and ask Mr Taylor the things you did?"
"I didn't," I protested. "I just told him that I'd seen him at school twice. Since he is classified as a helper, I thought it would be beneficial for him to know he wasn't as invisible as it seemed."
"And the talk about architecture?"
"Mr Taylor seemed interested in a particular building. I just remarked that it had a nice architecture."
"Cobblers," interrupted Mr Taylor. "You were trying to find out if I was who you thought I was."
"You only assume that, because you know that I'm aware of that building. I said it like I did to try and make your interest seem plausible, just in case anybody noticed. I wasn't going to tell Mr Hobson that I'd seen you around the school, as it would be like snitching. I'd worked out you weren't supposed to be visible, so I kept it to myself till I could tell you myself. I didn't think it was fair to blab to Mr Hobson that his boss had made a mistake."
Mr Hobson gaped at me and Helen then put her hand over my mouth so I couldn't dig myself into a bigger hole. Perhaps on reflection I shouldn't have said what I had, but seeing Mr Hobson's reaction was interesting.
"Will you be quiet now?" hissed Helen in my ear. I had no choice but to nod.
"Helen, let Jayne go," said Mr Taylor. "I think she's finished."
Helen removed her hand and I breathed a sigh of relief. I had fresh air to breath again, rather than the stale air her hand allowed.
"You certainly have a knack of getting to know information," grimaced Mr Hobson, not denying or acknowledging my assumption that Mr Hobson, in some respect, reported to Mr Taylor. "In some ways that's a useful talent, but you have to temper your eagerness. You don't want to know too much; you can't tell what you don't know."
"I know, it was wrong of me, but Mr Taylor has had me wondering for a few weeks. He was so mysterious. Am I in trouble?"
"No, neither of you are, this time. It wouldn't seem fair after how you used your talents, while grilling Mr Taylor. I was very impressed with your maturity of accepting punishment to hide what happened. Now you better run along or you'll be late for orchestra practice."
"Why do I put up with you?" Helen sighed as we made our way back to our room. Our interrogation hadn't lasted more than fifteen minutes.
"Because you love me?"
"You certainly have come out of your shell. A month ago, you might have noticed things, but you would have kept them to yourself."
"Don't forget that last year I got into trouble hacking into the school computer system. I'm not as innocent as you try to make me out."
"Oh yes, Rachel mentioned it the first day we arrived at Hayfield Hall."
When we got to our room, Jill and Anna were chatting; both were sat together on the bottom bunk their arms around each other. Helen and I both collapsed onto my bed and breathed a sigh of relief.
"More trouble?" asked Jill.
"No," I replied.
"If she'd kept going, then I think we'd have been in far worse trouble than earlier."
"Wouldn't," I retorted.
"Would so," she laughed back, trying to tickle me.
"Hey cut it out," Anna ordered. "No making out in front of us."
"I was only tickling her," complained Helen, reluctantly stopping.
"What was going on earlier?" asked Anna. "It wasn't like you two, to get into trouble."
Helen and I both sat up and gave her a hard stare, which she quickly wilted under, "Well, it must have been bad for you not to say. You also look like you took a punishment that you didn't need to."
"Anna, stop fishing," asked Jill gently.
"Oh you are no fun," replied Anna. "I wish Erika was here. She would have loved seeing you running down the hill like that."
"I miss Erika too," sadly added Jill. "I remember the day she moved to Milton Keynes. I thought that was bad, but the day she moved back to America was worse."
"She used to fancy you."
"No she didn't."
"Yes she did. I think she likes boys who like to live as girls."
"You mean like you do?"
"I know I love you. I used to have a problem being seen going out with a girl. I don't have that problem any more. You could be green with pink spots and I'd still want to be with you."
"I love David and Jayne," said Helen. "I still have a problem though, if I think too much about it. I don't want to be seen as a lesbian."
"I remember having that problem," sighed Anna, remembering the shopping trip just before she moved to Milton Keynes. "I virtually ignored Jill all the time, even though it was me who'd asked for Bill to be Jill that day."
"How did you get over it?" asked Helen, sounding intrigued.
"Beth told me something," replied Anna and then went quiet. when Jill seemed to be overly interested.
"Which was?" prompted Helen.
"I'll tell you after. I promised Beth that I'd never tell Jill."
"Sounds interesting," mulled Helen. "Why don't we go for a walk and then meet Jayne and Jill for the rehearsal."
"You're quite fatalistic about everything," I mentioned to Jill, as Helen and Anna closed the bedroom door behind them.
"How do you mean."
"Well, you don't want to be a girl, but you don't seem to mind being seen as one."
"I was born with a defective body. I suppose I could fight it, but I can get on with life as I am. I'm not one for liking a large amount of surgery and there isn't much a surgeon could do to make me better. So I live with it. I have a girlfriend who has come to terms with my medical issue and loves me. What about you?"
"I don't have a clue what I want. I thought that I wanted to be David, but I seem to fit in better as Jayne."
"Why?" asked Jill. "Were you having trouble fitting in at the school as David?"
"No, but it seemed my life, before I moved, was on hold. I used to hide away and try to avoid life."
"If you'd been Jayne at your old school, would you have got on any better?"
"I'd have been lynched within an hour of stepping out of my front door."
"I don't mean it like that. If you'd always been Jayne, would things have been easier."
"I've no idea how much the bullying was because I didn't act very masculine, because I didn't fit in with people, or what. My Mum certainly suspected I was different, but I've no idea if my Dad or brother did."
While we were chatting about personal things, I thought about asking Jill what happened after her mother died. I opened my mouth and then closed it again when I remember Rachel saying that talking about her mother just brought her forward to talking about Dr Patel. If Jill was blocking talking about Dr Patel, as much as she was about her mother, it might cause her to have another breakdown. A breakdown at anytime is never good, but one away from school would be disastrous.
"Yes?" asked Jill.
"What?"
"You were about to say something."
"Oh yes, do you fancy going down so we can see where we will be rehearsing?"
"I suppose we won't be too early and the girls might already be there."
The convention area was nicely secluded from the general area of the hotel, which was probably great for people trying to have meetings. Seven year old kids screaming they wanted to see Mickey must really be off-putting.
We walked into the convention reception. The area was plush with a thicker carpet than was in the rest of the hotel. It still seemed to keep the hotels basic theme, but was grander. There was a smart looking lady, wearing a red suit, who smiled when she saw us enter. She was standing in what looked like an octagonal reception area.
"Can I help you?" asked the lady, as I helped myself to a cake, as we walked past them.
"We are with the Hayfield Hall Music School," I said with a smile.
"You look a lot younger than I expected. What ages are the students?"
"We are both thirteen and it goes till we are eighteen, so yes we are all young."
"You were going to be in the Providence room, but Mr Hobson asked that if the main conference had finished, if you could use the main Ballroom. The conference finished early and it has been swept, so you will be in there. If you can just wait here a few minutes, the seating is just being setup."
"Is it okay if I have one of your little cakes?" asked Jill.
"Help yourself," she laughed as I tried to hide mine. "That is what they're there for."
"Andy and Lewis will be happy," I said taking another one. They were delicious. I wonder if we could get the school to do snacks like this. Perhaps a cake tin in the common room would be the thing.
I mentioned that idea to Jill who just shook her head. "It'll never happen. They try to give us a balanced diet. They would make the cakes healthy ones."
As we waited, others appeared and the reception area started to fill up. More cakes appeared and so did jugs of juice instead of coffee.
"This is just the thing," said Andy, munching away. "I wonder if we could get school to do this."
"Not a chance," said Mr Hobson, entering the room. "Enjoy these holiday indulgencies!"
After talking to one of the members of staff Mr Hobson said, "Okay, finish off your cakes. I've been told the room is ready. Your instruments should be on, or by, your chair."
As we walked towards the room, I heard some gasps from people in front. I gasped myself as we walked through the doors onto a stage, where we were setup. Beyond was a huge hall that, I later found out, could seat just over two thousand people. In a daze I made my way to my seat and found my instrument. I sat down and stared out into the hall, totally stunned that I'd be sat in such a large hall.
I eventually came slightly out of my daze and felt someone gently shaking my leg. I looked up and smiled at Kevin.
"Impressive, isn't it?" he laughed.
"Very," I responded, my brain kicking back into gear. "I've never seen anything like this. It's much bigger than what we have at the school."
"I think that’s why they had us practice in here. Get the year one students over the shock now, rather that in a concert situation."
All I could do was nod.
"Do you know the Royal Opera House in London could only seat two hundred more people than in here?"
I looked at him in shock and he laughed, "You better get warmed up, we will be starting soon."
"Listen up," said Mrs Russell, bringing everyone back to focus. "I know there are a lot of seats out there and it seems overwhelming. Afterwards, go and have a look and it will be just a large room. The main concert will be in a large hall, but not this large, so don't panic. Tomorrows bit of fun will be in the Disney Park, so you'll be playing outdoors. Therefore, sound will be lost so you have to increase your volume slightly. We only have a thirty minute slot, so we will be doing the Handel and the Tchaikovsky. Both are light and people will probably recognise them. Don't be disappointed if people don't sit through the entire thirty minutes, as they will want to get on rides. Now let's go through this in concert order, so get out the Debussy."
There was no stopping; it was just a run through of the concert. If we didn't know the pieces by now, it was too late. As we played the pieces we seemed to have developed a growing audience. By the time we had finished the 1812, the back of the hall was filled with Disney employees.
We all had a surprise, when it came to the 1812. Lewis came forward and conducted. He'd done very well in some later rehearsals, but I didn't think he would be used in this concert. Perhaps he shall.
"Could you hear it okay from the back," called Mrs Russell.
A man came forward so he could be heard. "I was outside the hall and heard it," he said in French with a strong Italian accent. "That was very well played. When we heard your talent, the word spread and people wanted to hear these young geniuses."
"Thank you, but enough of that," Mrs Russell bustled, "you'll give them all big heads." She then turned to us and said, "Well done all of you, if you play like that tomorrow and Thursday, then you will have done me proud. Apart from the percussion players, please take your instruments with you, but please, no playing in your hotel room; we don't want you to disturb other people. Talking of rooms, in your rooms you will find a uniform for tomorrow. Please make sure it fits, but keep them neat."
"Uniforms?" someone asked.
"Girls have long flowing dark skirts, with a pale yellow top. Boys have dark trousers and a pale yellow shirt. The top and shirt have the school logo on them."
"Can you all count back forty-three bars from the end of the 1812. It should have a tempo marking of allegro vivace. I want you to mark that with a B."
There was a scramble to get pencils and count back in the scores. When we were complete she said, "Now count back another twenty-two bars from point B. That one should have a tempo marking of largo. I want you to mark that with an A."
There was no need to ask why those points were being marked. If the concert went well and we were asked for an encore, those were two obvious places to do it from. I presume the two points were there, depending on how tired we were. The 1812 was a very hard on all the players. The brass and woodwind had very tired lips and the strings had very tired arms. From point B it would last about ninety seconds. From point A it was about a minute longer.
"That was amazing," Helen sighed as we entered our bedroom.
"Tell me about it," I replied, imagining the hall full of people.
"I never knew it could be so thrilling," replied Anna, her eyes awash with the joy we all felt when we played. "I'd been concentrating so much on the music, which is very hard for me, and never had chance to enjoy it. Tonight, I relaxed and it was amazing. I've never felt so-"
"That never goes away," reassured Jill, putting her arm round Anna.
Jill seemed to be the only one from year-one, that hadn't been affected by the hall. I presume that Jill had played in large halls before.
Sleep didn't come easily that night. I kept thinking about being in such a large hall. I was also still on a high from playing in such an environment. Eating after the practice had helped me calm down a little, but my mind wouldn't settle.
I heard Helen tossing, as she tried to calm down, so I asked, "Are you okay?"
"I can't settle," she quietly replied, so she didn't disturb the snoring Anna or the silent Jill. I recon Jill could sleep through an earthquake.
I slipped out of my bed and joined Helen in hers. It was a bit tight in a single bed, but we managed. Helen turned onto her side and I spooned into her.
"That was real?" I asked.
"I hope so," she replied. "It was amazing and wasn't the concert. It was even better than the one last week, at the school."
"Tell me about it. It didn't take us as long to settle."
"Well you did have a bit to tell me first and we did have each other."
Being in the same bed, in each other's arms, we both settled quickly and we drifted off to sleep.
I'd hoped to be awake before Anna and Jill, but luck wasn't on our sides. When we awoke, we found them just finishing getting dressed. I'm still unsure how they managed to wake up and have a shower, without disturbing us.
I almost yelped when I saw the time. "Why didn't you wake us?" I asked rushing into the bathroom, praying that they didn't see my reaction to Helen.
"You looked so happy and peaceful," solemnly replied Anna.
* * *
For the concert, we hadn't entered via the route that guests went through. We'd been ushered through a staff entrance. We were shown into a room where we were able to get our instruments ready and tune up. As it approached four o'clock, we were all ready.
A Disney employee, sorry cast member, escorted us through a gate and into the theme park. We came out near the first aid building, at the top of Main Street and we walked at a leisurely pace towards the Royal Castle Stage, where we would be playing. Visitors saw us, in matching outfits and with our instruments, and pointed at us, wondering what was going on. A few even seemed interested enough to follow us.
The weather couldn't have been better, it was warm, sunny and without a breeze. The lack of a breeze was very important; otherwise it could play havoc, blowing the sheet music everywhere.
Even though there was five minutes before we started, the seats were already mostly taken. There were even some younger children sitting at the front, on the stone floor. Just before we were to start, we were introduced in five different languages; French, English, Spanish, German and Italian.
Mrs Russell raised her hands and I was soon playing in my first live concert, on my first field trip away. I expected people to move away, but they didn't. Perhaps they needed a rest from all the walking around.
When the applause from 'The Music from the Royal Fireworks' had died down, Mrs Russell turned round to the audience and said in French followed by English, "The next piece can get rather loud, with some sudden bangs and we don't want any children to be frightened. It might be best for young children to be with their grownups."
None of the children moved, in fact some of them giggled when Mickey Mouse suddenly appeared, waving a conductors baton and took Mrs Russell's place at the podium. What also was a shock was during the 1812 Overture, the crowds grew. All the seats were gone when we started and nobody seemed to have left. People were sitting on the ground, with people standing behind them. It was just before half way into the piece that I noticed that the children put their hands to their ears, the music soon faded and they lowered their hands.
About three minutes from the end, the cannon was fired for the first time. I nearly needed a clean pair of panties myself and I was expecting it. Some of the children were brave and just covered their ears; others were more sensible and ran to their parents. I don't know where they got the cannon from, but it wasn't like the one we'd used at the school concert. This was an outdoor concert cannon, which included a smoke effect, and looked as impressive as it sounded.
The eleven cannon shots in the last minute took the toll on most of the orchestra's ears and then to top it off, the quadruple forte was played as interpreted; played as loud as we possibly could. The smoke from the cannon gently blew across towards the audience and there was a silence. Was that because I'd lost my hearing? The sound of the applause soon filtered across. They weren't just clapping, but standing up to do it. Mickey pointed to us and clapped. Lewis, in the costume, was certainly enjoying himself.
My euphoria soon died down as Mrs Russell turned to us and asked us to turn to letter A. We were doing the longer encore. My lips were tired but I'd be able to manage, there were a few rest bars for me. I felt sorry for the strings as this was one of the hardest parts for them. We might have grimaced inside, but outwardly we smiled; we were on show. Mrs Russell conducted the encore while Mickey disappeared.
After the encore, we again were heavily applauded. However, we had no more to give and Mrs Russell knew it. She smiled at the audience, nodded at Stacy and started to walk out of the stage area. We took the hint and filed out in an orderly fashion behind. The audience also got the message and were soon on their way back to the rides, having had a thirty minute rest from walking and queuing.
"Well done all of you," said Mr Hobson. Mrs Russell was standing next to him and was beaming. "We've never done a public concert like that before and it seems to have gone down very well. I am very proud of every one of you."
Just then Lewis appeared and all of year one mobbed him. Mr Hobson stopped and smiled, letting the year bond.
"How was it?" asked Brian.
"It was great fun," replied Lewis. "But it was very hot under that costume. I don't know how they do it."
"Why don't we all go back," said Mr Hobson. "You then can change and have some fun. Tomorrow we will be playing till late, so if you can have a sleep in, then you might not feel so tired tomorrow night. Tomorrow evening, you need to be ready by five and waiting in your hotel reception."
As we got changed, I said to Helen. "I don't know about you but I could really do with something to eat. All that playing has left me tired, but very hungry."
"I know what you mean," she laughed. "You know we can eat in any of the hotels in the park, well why don't we go to the Chuck Wagon Café, at the Hotel Cheyenne? It is traditional American food. Very simple and should make a nice change to the fancy stuff we had the other night."
"Sounds good to me, lets see what the others think."
The others thought it was a great idea. There was a path besides a steam and we walked down towards the hotel.
"Jessica," I said, moving next to her. "Why don't you ring your sister and see if she wants to get her year down here? It might be nice for you to catch up some more."
"That’s a wonderful idea," she replied and contacted her sister.
The Hotel Cheyenne was themed on the American frontier and as we walked down the centre, all the rooms were decked out like you saw in the Wild West movies. There were even rocking chairs on the veranda.
As we sat down with our meals, the whole of year three arrived, followed shortly afterwards by the rest of the school. The rumours must have spread and we were soon having a wonderful evening. There wasn't a teacher, or member of staff from the school, in sight.
During the meal, we spotted a young girl, who looked no more than four, wandering round looking very sad. Since she was passing us, Emma moved across and asked the girl, "Are you lost?"
"What?" sniffled the girl in English.
"Are you lost?" said Emma in English, getting out of her chair and kneeling at the girl's height.
"I've lost my Mummy," she cried. "And no one helps."
"I speak a bit of French, so let me see if I can help," offered Emma. "What's your name?"
"Tina," said the little girl proudly.
"Well Tina, why don't we go and tell the lady behind the till. See if they can help."
Tina held onto Emma's hand, as they went to the till. We all watched, hoping that things would work out. A telephone call was made and five minutes later a young couple, who looked to be in their mid twenties, rushed into the room. Tina gave a yell of "Mummy" and rushed towards her frantic parents.
Emma smiled and watched, glad that things were okay, before rejoining us.
"Well done Emma," I said. "That was so wonderful to see."
"It felt so good to help others," she said. "Anyway, I'm sure you would have done it if I hadn't."
"Perhaps," I replied. "But you did it first. You also were so gentle, that she wasn't frightened. I'm sure you will be a wonderful mother one day."
"Thank you," sobbed Emma, with tears of happiness. "Thank you."
Sam has some issues, which seems to catch everybody off guard. At the final concert where is Mr Taylor?
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 17
"My hair is such a mess," moaned Helen as we got dressed. Jill and Anna had already disappeared for breakfast.
"How's mine?" I asked, now I no longer required a wig. They had worked wonders before the trip.
"You could do with a touch up," she replied. "I wish I'd thought of this before. Do you recon that Disney has a hairdresser's?"
"Not in this hotel," I replied. "However, there might be a salon at one of the different hotels. If not, we'll just have to go into Val d'Europe. We passed one when we were there the other day."
"Yes, but we should have booked earlier. We'll never get an appointment at this late hour."
I phoned reception and found there was a salon at the Hotel New York. I quickly rang and, in a rather puzzled voice, they informed me that we'd already been booked in for this afternoon. No wonder Mr Hobson was so unfazed when he was asked about hairdressers on the coach journey from England.
"We've appointments at quarter-to-one," I told Helen. "It seems Mr Hobson had already arranged for us to be seen."
"Why am I not surprised?" she replied, fastening her trainers. "Okay, let's grab breakfast and tell the others."
When we got our breakfast there was no sign of any teachers, or anyone from year two. I presume they were more used to sleeping late before a concert.
"We have some news for you all," I said as we sat down. "We all have hair appointments at the Hotel New York Salon."
"All of us?" asked Lewis.
"Yes, including you. I doubt you will be in the chair long, but it's important that we all look our best. We will be representing the school."
Just as we were finishing our breakfast Mr Hobson came in. "Ah, I'm glad to catch you. I have booked you all hair appointments."
"At quarter-to-one," we all chorused together.
"Good, good," he chortled. "I'm glad you are staying ahead of the game. Oh, Andy and Stacy have offered to do all your makeup. Can you let me know who you want?"
"Stacy," said Paula immediately.
"Stacy for me as well," said Emma, followed by the same from Jessica and Sam.
"I suppose I better have Andy then," said Helen, trying to keep a straight face.
"I won't want to upset him either," I added, the corner of my mouth twitching.
"What about you two?" Mr Hobson asked Anna and Jill.
"Well I suppose we better go for Andy," replied Anna, with Jill nodding. "Keep it four people each."
Jill was having a harder time than me in keeping a straight face. She looked up and saw my twitching lips and we both burst out laughing. Helen and Anna joined in and the other six looked at us strangely.
"What's going on?" asked Sam.
"Never judge the skills of a person based on their gender. I thought you realised that on day one, when it was announced that Paula's specialist skill was a mechanic. Stacy is good at makeup, but Andy is so much better."
"You're joking," said Paula, knowing in her heart that we weren't.
"It's not my place to promote one student over another," said Mr Hobson. "However, Stacy would admit it if you asked, though she would never admit it in front of Andy. Anyway it has worked out well, Stacy doing one room of students and Andy doing the other. Now run along, as this is your last morning of relaxation. Tomorrow after breakfast we leave for school and lots of hard lessons."
"Thanks," said Jessica sarcastically. "It's really great to be reminded of lessons."
"If you love them so much, I can make sure you get more," threatened Mr Hobson.
"Sorry," apologised Jessica, chastised. "I'm happy with the amount of school work I have."
"So, what shall we do today?" I asked, as we walked out of the restaurant.
"We could go swimming," said Paula, without thinking.
"Paula!" cried Emma. "You know that’s not possible."
"Oh, I'm sorry," replied Paula. "I forgot. I see you so much as a girl, that I didn't think."
"It's okay," forgave Emma. "I'd like to go on Pirates of the Caribbean again."
That set us all off and we all nominated which rides we wanted to go on again. Well all but Sam.
"What about you Sam?" I asked.
"I don't mind," Sam replied, turning red.
"Sam," I said gently. "We won't mind. You can choose any ride you want, we won't mind."
However, Sam wouldn't budge and I was disappointed. "Look Sam, I just want everyone to have the rides they want. I know some would have liked to go on Space Mountain, but that freaked you out last time. Nobody chose that ride so you could also be happy."
"If you-" interrupted Sam.
"Hush," I said. "Why don't you go on your ride, while we go on Space Mountain? That way, you can enjoy yourself without us having to know what ride it is."
"Are you sure?" Sam asked in a small voice.
"I'll go with you," said Jessica. "I think I know what ride you want to go on and I'd love to go with you."
"Oh Jessica," said Sam, flinging her arms round her. "Thank you."
"Okay, let's vote on it. Hands up if you think the plan is a good idea."
Everyone raised their hands.
"Excellent. Let's go clean our teeth and meet in fifteen minute."
The morning was great fun and we rushed from ride to ride. Sam and Jessica disappeared while we queued for Space Mountain. When we got to the arranged meeting place we could see Sam and Jessica chatting away.
"Hold it," said Helen and we all came to an abrupt stop.
"What is it," asked Paula.
"Look at Sam," Helen replied. "It looks like Sam's telling Jessica something very emotional. Sam has been holding back a lot to help support Jessica. I think it's Jessica's turn to help Sam."
"It's not good that this is happening here," said Emma.
"No, it isn't," I agreed, "but sometimes these things happen."
"So what do we do?" asked Lewis.
"Well we go sit down out the way and wait. Why don't you get us all an ice-cream?"
"Why is it always me?" complained Lewis.
"Don't you want one?"
"Eight ice-creams coming up," he sighed. "Come on Brian, I'll need your help."
"Do we tell Dan?" Paula asked, the others were seated on one of the other benches.
"I will warn him, but let's see how it develops before we get him to intervene," I suggested. "Jessica has seen us and knows that we'll help if she needs it. If Dan intervenes now, it might cause Sam to close-up. Since Sam has started to open up it's important that everything comes out. Dan can be there to pick up the pieces, if need be."
"You're the boss," said Paula.
"No, I'm not. We work as a team; Helen and I just get told things and told to tell you the bad news. We are also to operate as a voice for the rest of the year, so that Mr Hobson only gets two people nagging him, rather than ten. I took your suggestion and agreed with you that we should tell Dan."
"I suppose. I'm sorry if it seemed I was getting at you. It's hard sometimes, understanding what's going on at the school. You seem to have a better understanding and it's frustrating, being kept in the dark. For instance, the other day you and Helen got into trouble, which was so out of character for either of you. There was more to it than you let on, but you took the punishment, so we wouldn't find out."
"That's the problem," I frowned. "You lot are so intelligent, that you see me hide something and then feel resentful. Yes, something happened, but no, I'm not saying what. If I tell you, then I'll have to tell everyone and it would freak some people out. This has nothing to do with me being a year leader. Even if the leader was someone else, it wouldn't be something I would mention."
"You seem to carry a lot of secrets."
"One or two," I admitted, without really giving anything away. "The ones I do have are best they're kept that way. One thing about this school is, it encourages asking academic questions and learning, but it's best not to ask questions about other things."
"Like the way you stopped Jill and Anna talking about what happened, the day you went to get them. As soon as Jill started to say something about it, you cut her off, making it seem like nothing had happened."
"Nothing happened," I lied. "Anyway, I think that is something you shouldn't be asking."
"Mmm," was the only reply I got.
Lewis and Brian appeared with the ice-cream and we all waited. Dan said he would come to the park, just in case. Just as we were finishing off our ice-cream Jessica and Sam came across.
"Are you okay?" asked Paula, flinging her arms round Sam. Paula was quickly joined by the rest.
I gave Jessica a hug and asked, "It can be quite draining, helping someone in emotional distress. Are you okay?"
"I'm fine replied Jessica. Thanks for thinking about me though."
"Sam, do you need to speak with Dan?" I asked.
"I think it might be a good idea," said Jessica before Sam could answer.
I looked at Sam who reluctantly nodded. "I suppose I should know what options I have."
That sounded ominous, but I trusted Jessica to know when to panic. She'd gone through her own trauma and had learned the hard way that talk can help. If she thought that Dan was required, then it must be serious or something that she didn't understand.
"I contacted Dan earlier and he said he would come into the park," I said to Jessica and Sam.
Sam rang Dan and a few minutes later Sam was talking with Dan.
"Are you sure you're okay," I asked Jessica. She seemed totally lost.
"I listened and helped Sam open up, but I don't totally understand. I hope that Dan does. I wish I could have been with Sam while telling Dan, but Dan said that it needed to be a one-on-one session."
"Perhaps Tracy would be able to explain things to you," suggested Helen. I nodded, thinking that was a great idea.
"Will one of you stay with me while I ring," begged Jessica, nearly in tears. "If I have to explain things over the phone, I don't know if it will come out right."
"I'll stay," I offered. "You really care for Sam, don't you?"
"Yes, and I'm just so confused with what Sam said. In some ways it made sense, in others it didn't."
"Things can be confusing," I agreed, wondering what Sam had said. "I presume that's why we have our own therapists."
Tracy had heard that Sam had needed Dan and was nearby just in case she was needed. Within a few minutes she was sitting with Jessica.
"Do you want us to hang around?"
"We might be some time," said Tracy. "When Dan has a rough outline, we are going to move back to the hotel anyway. The middle of a fantasy theme park isn't the place to give the help they both need. I'd suggest that you carry on and meet at the hairdressers."
The rest of the morning was subdued. We went on the rides, but our hearts weren't in it. I'd catch a glimpse of people in our year checking their PDA, hoping to see an update. None came.
During our early lunch, none of us felt like eating much, but we knew that it was important that we had something. Even Lewis and Helen, who I think thought with their stomachs, hardly ate.
"Let's go to the hairdresser's," suggested Helen after a long pause, while we examined the half-eaten food.
"That's a good idea," added Paula. "They might have finished the previous people early."
When we got there, the last of the year three students were just finishing. Wendy came rushing across when she didn't see Jessica.
"Where are Sam and Jessica?"
"They are with Dan and Tracy," I replied.
"What?! Are they okay? What happened? Why didn't someone tell me?"
"Wendy, Jessica is fine. Sam told Jessica something, we aren't sure what, but it concerned Jessica enough that she suggested that Sam spoke with Dan."
"So why is Jessica with Tracy?"
"Because Jessica was confused with what Sam told her. It was something she'd never come across before, so asked Tracy to explain things, so she could understand Sam better. There is a growing attraction between them and Jessica is worried about it dying before it gets going."
"I was worried that she'd done something stupid."
"You know she wouldn't do that. In fact she was highly sensible about Sam and realised that there are times when you do have to ask for help. You should be proud of Jessica."
"I am. She will probably end up a far better person than I am. I'm sometimes a bit bitter and tend to blame other people for my own faults."
"At least you are thinking about the way you act," I replied. "That is a good start."
A lady from the salon came across to take our names. We were soon being ushered to have our hairs washed, styled and set, ready for tonight's performance.
While we were having our hair washed, Sam and Jessica came in. Sam had changed and looked more like Samantha. Sam looked a lot happier than earlier and Jessica just looked on with a tinge of concern. There was nothing I could say, as I was trapped, but I listened to her tell the others that she was okay and things would be explained when we were back at school.
When I saw myself in the mirror, I could have wept. I looked like my mother did in her wedding photograph. It was the only picture I'd ever seen of my mother when younger and it was by accident. I needed some money for school and my Dad reluctantly told me to take a fiver out of his wallet. Hidden inside was the photograph. As soon as he realised that I'd seen the photograph, he told me never to tell my Mum that he had it. I tried to find out why, but he wouldn't say. I'd never forgotten that picture and in my mind I could still see their happy smiling faces.
As we were leaving, the year five students were coming in. They were being called forward to get started. The salon was a hive of controlled chaos.
As soon as Stacy saw me, she came straight across instead of going to get her hair washed. "Can I have a quiet word with you and Helen?"
"Why don't you lot run ahead," I said to the rest of year one.
When they were gone she asked, "What happened today with Sam?"
"Sam decided to tell something to Jessica. Jessica decided that Sam needed to speak with Dan and then she was unsure enough to want to speak with Tracy. Sam seemed a lot happier since."
"Do you know that all the psychiatrists got together to discuss things afterwards? I've only got a little information, but what Sam was talking about was something none of them had come across before and they wanted to make sure they were in agreement. Sam is obviously okay or Dan would have been here and there would have been the possibility that Sam might have been excused from the concert."
"That bad?"
"Student health comes first. If there is any risk, all stops are pulled out. There will be an internal look, as students are checked before the field trip. There shouldn't have been anything left that could cause a student to have an issue during the trip."
"Well, if all five of them had to get together, then I'm sure that it wasn't something they were looking for, or expecting."
"Well if you hear anything, can you let me know," asked Stacy. "I don't like it when students get unexpected issues."
"Jayne's was expected," suddenly said Helen, breaking her silence. "Rachel was in the sleeping wing already."
Stacy smiled and nodded. "Why did she let me go through that?" I asked, feeling hurt that I'd been allowed to suffer.
"Because you learn more when you discover things yourself," said Stacy sagely. "Would Rachel telling you about your uncle, have had the same impact on you? Would you have still looked inside and tried to understand what he went through; what your mother went through; both then and now?"
I thought for a bit, replaying that day in my mind. "I suppose not," I reluctantly agreed, "but it's still not nice being manipulated."
"You weren't being manipulated. Rachel lets nature take its course. She was just there when you needed her."
"Okay, if I hear anything then I will let you know," I promised. "I daren't ask Sam and no one from the support team will talk, so the only possibility is via Jessica."
"Are you okay?" asked Helen as the salon door closed behind us.
"I still feel a little duped," I answered, a tinge of hurt in my voice.
"I don't know why I didn't see it," replied Helen, putting her arm round mine. "I love you Jayne and I'll always be here for you."
This was the first time Helen had shown her feelings for me outside the school, or in privacy. I put my arm round her and leaned my head against her. We got a strange look from a family walking by, but we didn't care. As we walked into the hotel, a lady behind the reception smiled pleasantly at us.
"Are you some of the students who practiced the other night?"
"Yes," we replied together.
"Oh gosh," she gushed. "You were all so wonderful. I've never been into classical music, but your playing was so captivating. Someone mentioned there was some music that I had to hear. I think that most of the hotel staff and more were listening to you."
"Really, it was only a run through. We have the main concert tonight."
"Your hair looks lovely. I hope it all goes well tonight and you have fun."
"Thank you," we said walking away, our hearts beating; partly because of the excitement for tonight's concert, but mostly because we were together. Would it be the same if I was David? Would Helen still love me and show affection to me? Well I'll find out late tomorrow when we arrived back at the school.
At five we were all gathered in the hotel reception. The coach arrived and we all clambered aboard. There were only a few adults with us for this trip and I smiled to myself when I noticed that Mr Taylor wasn't with us.
We were going against the general flow of traffic, so we weren't held up too much and under an hour later, we were entering the hall via the stage door. Inside, we were ushered into a room where we found our instruments waiting. The larger instruments, like the double bass and cello, were tuned up and some burley men took them onto the stage.
"Tonight we are playing in front a full house," explained Mrs Russell. "So when you go onto stage, the house lights will still be on. You saw what a large hall we had in Disney. This isn't as big, so hopefully there shouldn't be any shocks. If you see someone who is, then please help them tactfully to their seat. It will wear off, so don't try to be too obvious about it."
"Will Mickey be conducting the 1812?" asked Brian nervously.
"Lewis will be conducting the 1812, but not as Mickey Mouse," replied Mrs Russell. "Well I hope not anyway."
We tuned up and all the players, apart from Stacy, filed onto the stage. I was amazed how full it looked. Apart from the front row, where there were two obvious gaps, the whole place looked packed. Stacy appeared to thunderous applause and when the audience settled we proceeded to tune up.
We would have expected Mrs Russell to appear soon afterwards, but she didn't. Suddenly there was movement and in came a man accompanied by a lady. I tried to see who they were, but I was too far away. They must have been important, as security guards took up position at the wall.
Soon afterwards, Mrs Russell appeared to loud applause. I suppose that anything that happened in this hall would appear loud, as there were more people than I'd ever played to in my life. The first half passed off without incident and we were enjoying a welcome rest during the interval, when Stacy signalled she wanted a word. I moved away from Paula and Brian, so they wouldn't hear what was being said.
"The person you need to watch is on the front row, four in from the centre," Stacy said showing me a small photograph.
"Okay," I replied, looking at the photo and trying to memorise his face. "I will have the cleaning cloth from my horn with me. It is a dull yellow. If I drop it on the floor, I am saying that something appears to be happening."
"Okay, I've got it," she replied. "I just hope nothing happens."
"So do I," I said gravely, not wishing to think what I'd get up to if something did go wrong. "By the way, what's his name?"
"I don't know and it doesn't matter in doing our job."
"True, it was just that it would make it easier talking to you about him."
When we got back onstage after the interval, the front had been rearranged in preparation for the Mozart. I took my place, my nerves growing. After the next piece, I would be sat at the front, for hundreds, or even over a thousand people to watch. I was glad that I hadn't asked how many this hall sat.
Sibelius's Karelia Suite was only nine minutes and that time passed too quickly. Once I was playing, time disappeared, as I lost myself to the music. I'd never listened to much Sibelius and before learning the Karelia Suite for this concert, I'd only heard Finlandia. It was strange, every time I thought of Finlandia, I thought of the film Die Hard 2, which my Dad always seemed to watch back to back with Die Hard 1. This used to be on a Saturday night, when there were no soap's that mum insisted on watching.
The lights dimmed on the stage and I walked to the front and took my place. I wiped down my instrument and made sure that the cloth was rested securely on my knee. I didn't want it to fall, unless I caused it too. I didn't want Stacy letting someone know to tell the Alpha team to abort. There was a splattered applause, when the stage lights came back to full severity. I suppose it wasn't the same as having guest players, where there would be big show of them arriving.
There was enough glare from the stage lights, that I could pick out the people in the front row. All appeared to be normal with the person I was watching. I glanced across at the couple who had arrived late and almost fainted. I recognised the man, but not the woman. He was Jacques Chirac, President of the French Republic, Co Prince of Andorra and Grand Master of the Legion of Honour. I presume the blond haired lady next to him was his wife, Bernadette. I could believe it. I was about to play a leading role in a piece, in front of the leader of a country.
I can't do this. How can the school expect me to be able to play to someone so important?
I was bought out of these thoughts by Wendy tapping me on my leg. I was worried at first that she would disturb the cloth but she hadn't. "It's okay," she hissed, without moving her lips. "You played in front of Mickey Mouse yesterday and he's far more important."
It was such an outrageous statement, that it almost made me laugh. Then perhaps she is right. Yes, Jacques Chirac is the French President, but he is still human. In his way, Mickey Mouse is just more important to children than President Chirac.
I looked up at Mrs Russell, who was looking at me. I gave her a slight nod to let her know I was ready and focused. She gave me a slight smile, raised her arms and the strings came in with the opening bars. They were playing with such delicacy and lightness, that I had to smile. It was just as we had been told to play it and had never quite reached the expected bounce. You could see the pleasure in Mrs Russell's eyes. There was nothing like reaching your peak in the main concert. Now let's hope I don't make a mistake.
During the playing of the Sinfonia Concertante, I kept an eye on the other three players, Mrs Russell and the mystery man. Nothing happened. I was glad to see that he didn't appear to get any calls, or check on anything. In fact he didn't do anything, other than watch us play, totally enthralled with the music we were producing.
When the piece finished, there was loud applause. We were made to stand and the applause grew louder. Four young men came on stage and presented us each with a bouquet of flowers. I was glad that they didn't attempt to give me a kiss, even if it was just on the cheek. It wouldn't have felt right from a stranger.
As we went into the back to temporarily dispose of the flowers, Mr Hobson looked enquiringly at me. I gave him a smile and a nod to let him know all was okay. The look of relief on his faces was something I never thought I'd see.
The last piece was the 1812 Overture and Lewis came on looking very smart. When he got to the podium, he got his own applause as he took a slight bow. I was glad that the stage was so wide, that the percussion were over on stage right. The cymbals, even when they weren't close to my ears, still agitated me. Since I'd never actually heard a cannon fire, I wasn't able to say how realistic the sound was, but to me it sounded too realistic and I expected to see a smouldering hole in the back of the hall.
The applause at the end didn't stop and no matter how many times we stood it seemed to be louder each time. I noticed Mr Hobson, who was standing in the wing, out of sight to the audience, shake his head. I wondered who he was signalling to, but I had no time to worry.
"Encore A," came the order from Mrs Russell and Lewis again conducted with a flare that made him look like he'd been conducting for years. I wonder how much he knew, and how much was faked, just to get him through the concert. I thought Mrs Russell would have gone for Encore B, as we all seemed exhausted after all the effort we'd put in. This just seemed to delay things for longer.
After we'd finished the encore, we went straight into the French National Anthem, which excited and pleased the purely French audience. They all stood and joined in and sang along.
The applause started again but we didn't move. The concert was over, but we didn't get the signal from Mrs Russell. The main lights came on and some of the audience had started to get up to leave the hall, others stayed seated, wondering what was happening.
Mrs Russell gave a slight smile, closed her eyes and, with her left hand, pointed at Andy who started a drum roll. The audience, who weren't leaving quietly, suddenly fell silent. Some rushed back to their seats and others just stood where they were, shocked that something was happening. The orchestra knew what was happening, but was puzzled to why. She moved her right hand and we started playing the British National Anthem.
There were a few gasps of shock from the audience and there was no singing like during the French one a few moments earlier. As we finished, we did get a diluted clap. As we rose to leave, the clap turned into applause for the great concert that we'd just given.
Tiredly, we placed our instruments into the room backstage; they would be transported back to the school. This had been an exceptional concert, which I was really glad to take part in. I had taken part in a concert, where one of the most important leaders of the world, listened to me play. If six months ago, I'd been told that this would occur, I would never have believed them.
"Well done all of you," said Mrs Russell. "That was outstanding playing and well done for surviving the longer encore and two national anthems. I'm proud of you."
"As am I," said Mr Hobson, who was stood next to her. "Your playing was outstanding and I heard such good things from the audience as they left."
As we walked to the coach, Stacy came up and said quietly to Helen and me, "They got back safely, so it looks like the beta team can relax again. It looks like they got what they needed, but it needs to be analysed overnight."
I was glad that all was okay. The thought of helping had some appeal, but would I really be cut out to do what was asked? The run through, we'd had the other week, was good fun, but that was in the safety of the school. Heck, I'm only thirteen, should I really need to be having thoughts like this? Yet, at the back of my mind was the thrill to help, the feeling of the adrenaline pumping through my body, as we managed to get to the room in the practice. Perhaps I should talk about this with Helen. On second thoughts perhaps it would just worry her. I wonder what the analysts will find and how it will affect me and the rest of the kids at school.
"Penny for your thoughts," prompted Helen.
"It's nothing," I answered, putting the questions at the back of my mind. "Just wondering what school will bring when we go home tomorrow."
Will David reappear now the school trip is over?
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 18
For the first time since coming to France, it was a dank day. The temperature had plummeted and the wind was driving the rain against the coach windows. I was glad that I wasn't going to the park today. In fact the weather closely matched the mood of those on the coach; we were upset that we were going home. It had only been a short break and we had bonded well together. Would things be as good, back at school? This might have been my first holiday, but I soon got used to the freedom and relaxation. Oh, how I wish it had been longer.
It was obvious that some results were in from the previous night's escapade. Mr Hobson had positioned himself at the back of the coach, with the nearest person four rows away. When he wasn't using the PDA as a phone, he was looking at things and tapping away. It was about an hour into the journey, when my PDA pinged. I looked and saw a message from Mr Hobson.
"Julia is busy, so I need you to activate a secure connection, for my PDA only, between Hayfield Hall and another network. There should already be a connection defined to link to Marshallville, but the link hasn't been used in a while so it needs reconfiguring to be ultra secure and our end secured too, so that only specified people or devices can enter. They will be expecting the link to be established, so once it is configured you must not try to enter or you could cause issues. I have a special security tag. Do you think you'll be able to do it within the next hour?"
"Did Mr Hobson really understand what was involved?" I thought to myself. First off, I wasn't sure which server contained the interlinks, though I had a pretty good idea. Secondly, I probably didn't have access. Thirdly, the screens were taking forever to refresh, as everyone else was using their PDA's back to the school, putting a strain on the limited bandwidth. I put together a note to Mr Hobson, outlining the issues.
Ten minutes later came a message from Julia informing me which server I needed to work on and that I should already have access. I was also to cut the bandwidth of all the students PDA's and assign the spare capacity to myself. All the teachers had a separate channel, so they wouldn't be affected.
"Can I have your attention for a moment," said Mr Hobson, making his way towards the middle of the coach. "For the next hour all PDA bandwidth will be halved while an urgent task is performed. Normal service will be resumed as quickly as possible. Voice will therefore be unavailable and the live game feed will be very slow, but the text service will still be usable."
There were slight mutterings as Mr Hobson made his way to the back of the coach. It wasn't a very popular move and I knew I better get a move on. I was glad that the others didn't know it was me who was benefiting from their loss of bandwidth. With twenty times the bandwidth, the screens were soon appearing.
Helen, who was sat next to me, put down her PDA and asked, "Can I do anything to help?"
"Yes," I replied quietly. "Make sure nobody else finds out."
It didn't take long to find the interconnection but it looked like it hadn't been used for a while. I applied the latest security settings, which we had used for the fieldtrip and activated the link. It only took twenty-six minutes so I upgraded the other fifteen interlinks. Once I knew how to do one, the rest only took about ten minutes. Before disconnecting, I reviewed the link marked Marshallville and noticed that there was a steady stream of download traffic with almost no upload. I thought about looking what was being downloaded, but after a few moments thought, I decided that I'd been in enough trouble already this week.
I sent a message to Mr Hobson saying that full bandwidth could be restored early, if he didn't need it for anything else. The message back surprised me, "Why don't you inform years one and two yourself. I'm sure they will be pleased."
I hated being in the limelight. Till recently, I used to hide in my bedroom. Since joining the school, I've been made to play in front of huge audiences and chat with people I didn't know; so why was I so scared of making an announcement to seventeen other students?
Taking a deep breath, I stood up and said. "I've got some good news. Slightly ahead of schedule, your bandwidth is restored." I dramatically clicked on an icon and there was a loud applause. Mr Hobson had taken the flack for the bandwidth being taken, but let me have the glory of it being restored. What a nice man.
No sooner than I'd sat down, than I got a message from Stacy. "Your announcement was carried into this coach; nicely spoken."
Helen, who was looking over my shoulder, gave a small giggle as I tapped a response, "What do you mean?"
"Julia got Mr Hobson to relay your voice onto our coach. It came out of the speakers. Your popularity rating has just hit the roof."
Everyone was tired when we got to the school. I think sitting on the coach was more tiring than going on the rides. We all waited for the luggage to be unloaded and we each carried them to our rooms. Most of the clothes were dirty, so they were quickly pushed down the laundry chute. Our fieldtrip PDA's were all to be handed in after we'd eaten that evening. The rest of the day was for us to relax and have a nap if we wanted. I put on some music as we unloaded and I noticed that we had access to all stations, not just the French ones. I glanced at my PDA and that was again in English.
"Would you mind being Jayne till tomorrow?" pleaded Helen, as I started to look for a change of clothes. "I just don't want the holiday experience to end and you staying as Jayne will help."
I opened my mouth to protest that I'd been Jayne for weeks, but I saw the longing in Helen's eyes. How could I refuse her desire to be with Jayne for one last night? I sighed slightly as I nodded. What difference would one night make?
"First off," said Mr Hobson, before we had our meal, "I'd like to thank you all for a wonderful trip. You all behaved impeccably and played exceptionally well. This morning I had a note from the French President's office thanking us for our outstanding performance and hoped that it wouldn't be too long before we played in France again."
There was a ripple of chatter from the students, as they gossiped about such high praise. Mr Hobson let it ride, knowing how important such praise was.
"Secondly, you were so good that we will be including an extra holiday/concert. This will be something slightly different, but more on that when things are arranged. Lastly, there will be some alterations to the residential wing, which will result in minor disruption. Please follow the information that will be displayed and if somewhere is flagged as off-limits then please obey. The restrictions are there for your safety, not to annoy you. Work will start from tomorrow morning."
After the meal, we slowly went to the common room. None of us felt like doing much, but none of us wanted to be the first to admit that we were tired and just wanted to go to bed, so we just sat and chatted. As we talked, my thoughts turned to Sam's mini breakdown and wondered when Sam would tell the rest of us. Jessica didn't seem to want to let Sam out of her sight, so I'd had no chance to ask. It took Paula gently drifting off that got us all to go to bed.
Ah bed. There is nothing like your own bed, or in this case Helen's bed. As we got ready, I chose the sexiest nightie I had in the wardrobe. I wanted Helen to remember this night and hopefully it would last her many months, till I had to dress for a mix-up Monday.
I entered Helen's room without knocking, expecting her to be ready, like she normally was. This time she wasn't and was half naked.
"I'm sorry," I gulped, shutting the door.
"Jayne, you've seen me naked before," called Helen. "I was only topless. I'm dressed now, so come in."
"I'm so sorry," I said again. "I thought you would be ready." I then noticed she wasn't her chirpy self so asked, "Are you okay?
"My period just started," she said plainly.
"Oh," I responded, understanding what was physically happening to her body, but not emotionally. "You didn't seem so low last month."
"That's a bit cruel," she said with feeling.
"Sorry, I don't understand yet how it affects your emotions and feelings."
"I should be okay tomorrow," she said. "I'm also probably feeling a little down because you won't be here tomorrow."
"I'll still be here," I replied, trying not to sound hurt. "I just won't be wearing female clothes but I'll still be the same person underneath."
Helen went to sleep in my arms. I gently stroked her arm till she fell asleep. It wasn't the night I wanted her to remember. I just hoped she'd feel better in the morning.
* * *
"Good morning," I said as Helen's eyes opened.
"How long have you been awake?"
"Only half an hour," I replied. "I was enjoying watching you sleep."
"You're strange! Thank you for comforting me last night. I haven't been so badly affected by the start of my period for a long time."
"Will you be okay?"
"I'm well underway, so things should get easier."
"You weren't on your contraceptive before. Perhaps that has altered things."
"It might have," thought Helen out loud. "Later today, I'll check the information that Dr Sue gave me."
I nodded and Helen cuddled up to me. "Helen, if we don't get ready soon we might miss breakfast."
"I know," she sighed sadly. "You better go and get ready."
I didn't say anything, but slipped into my room. I removed the glued on breasts and showered. It felt strange, not having two lumps sticking out of my chest. As I walked to my wardrobe, I felt light, not having to compensate for the breast mass.
Since it was a Saturday, I put on a light pair of male trousers and a shirt. It took me a few minutes of fiddling to remember which side the buttons and holes were on. I looked in the mirror and saw that David was on the way back. I brushed my hair into something slightly more masculine. David was back. Well as back as I could make myself. I looked at my PDA and booked myself an appointment for later this morning with the hairdressers for a cut.
I knocked on the interconnecting door, not wanting to catch Helen undressed, though I don't know who was more embarrassed last night, her or me.
"Hi Ja-," started Helen. "Oh, hi David."
"You don't have to sound so enthusiastic," I complained at her obvious disappointment.
"I'm sorry," she said, trying to sound chirpier. "You have been so good about being Jayne, that in some way I was hoping you might stay as Jayne. However, I know you need to find out who you need to be and I will support you, whatever you choose."
"I've got an appointment at eleven to see the hairdresser."
"Oh. It isn't that bad, but I can see why you want to. Do you want me to go with you?"
"Thanks," I replied. "Was that from your talk with Andy?"
"A little," she acknowledged sheepishly. "He talked about your needs in a lot of detail. Stacy and Andy are a good team."
"That they are," I agreed. "I will miss them when the year ends."
We were the last into the common room, before breakfast. As we walked in there was a shocked silence. I suppose I'd spent too much time as Jayne that they'd forgotten about David. Heck, I'd been Jayne more at school than David. That was a ratio I wanted to change.
"David?" tentatively asked Emma, as if she was frightened of being wrong.
"Who else?" I queried.
"I thought you would have stayed as Jayne," said Lewis.
"David was Jayne for the trip to Paris, because of the way David was dressed when the trip was announced," said Sam, suddenly being the voice of reason. Sam then went and gave Helen and me a huge hug. "Are you okay, Helen?"
"I'm getting used to it," she answered, without saying how she really felt. "Let's get to breakfast before it gets cold. David and I have the fetching to do for three days."
During breakfast, Tracy told us, "There won't be an orchestra practice this weekend and you have all of today and some of tomorrow to yourselves."
"Some of tomorrow?" Helen asked.
"Wait and see," Tracy laughed. "It's a nice thing. Sam, the items you requested should be in your room after breakfast."
"Really?" Sam asked, sounding excited.
"Yes, it certainly took some arranging. Dan would like to see you after lunch, to make sure things are going okay. Jessica, you have one at the same time with me."
"Thank you," Sam said again. Jessica just nodded her head.
"I take it you won't be joining us for a swim?" Helen asked Sam and Jessica. Ever since Paula thought about swimming, it was something we'd all decided to do when we got home.
Home, yes I suppose the school was now home. I hadn't thought of it before, but till school finished, it was now home. I'd nowhere else to go. My parent's house was forever forbidden territory. I wonder if the others felt the same or if it was just me.
"Perhaps later," Sam replied.
"I hope you have fun," Helen replied, "and when you have sorted things out yourself, we will be there to support you. Just like you supported everyone else, including me this morning."
"Don't hold your breath," said Sam. "It might take a while for me to sort through this and I won't be telling you till Jessica is comfortable with the situation."
"If you ever want to chat, then I'm here," I offered Jessica, not having realised how badly Sam's revelation had affected her.
"Thanks, but at the moment things are okay," she replied. "I just don't understand and till I do, it will be difficult."
Swimming took a lot of courage from all the people involved, but it was probably the hardest for Lewis. Lewis was obviously not flat chested and wore a t-shirt over the compression vest. It was also obvious that Emma's breasts were all breast form. I wonder why they didn't start hormones or hormone suppressers earlier. I filed that thought for later.
I had to leave the swimming early as I had my hairdresser's appointment. As soon as I walked into the room, I was in trouble.
"Hi Jo," I greeted the young blond lady.
"Have you just been swimming and not washed your hair?" was the curt response.
"I thought I was just coming in for a cut."
"Put on this gown and sit in front of the wash basin. You won't do your hair any good with all that chlorine in it."
Helen, who'd come with me, sat in one of the salon chairs giggling at my predicament. Her laughter didn't last long, as another hairdresser instructed Helen to sit at the basin next to me. As we leaned back while our hairs were washed, we were lectured in the proper maintenance of our hair. I bet poor Helen wished she'd stayed in the pool with the others.
"So, what do you want to be done with your hair?" Jo asked, as she guided me to one of the chairs.
"The style looks a bit feminine and I was hoping you could do something with it. Perhaps a crew cut."
"It shouldn't be a problem to make your hair look more masculine. We don't need to take too much off, just cut it slightly differently so it lies in a different way."
"Why not just chop it off?" I suggested. Helen sniggered and I turned red when I realised what I'd said. I just ignored her and concentrated on Jo.
"Well, a crew cut wouldn't suit your face. Also, most students go for a style which can easily be changed. You can afford to let it grow a little without altering people's perception."
"I'm not sure."
"I tell you what. Why don't you let me style your hair and if you don't think it is masculine enough, then we'll cut more off and make it like when you first arrived."
"It's a deal."
Over the next thirty minutes my hair was cut, teased and styled. When I was eventually allowed to see myself, I had to agree that I didn't need my hair short to look masculine. Just as short hair can look feminine.
"Okay, you win," I admitted.
"I'm glad you like it. Now why don't you both run along and remember to wash your hair after swimming."
"You look more masculine than you did when you first got here," encouraged Helen, as she got out of her seat.
"I thought you would be upset," I said, as we went out of the salon.
"Why?"
"Because I look more masculine."
"No, I'm not upset. I was a bit upset this morning when David was back, but as the day has progressed I've found I haven't been."
"Oh?"
"I don't understand it myself. I think I'll have to think about it."
Helen touched my arm and I stopped. I looked across to ask why we were stopping but never got the chance. She leaned in and gave me a gentle peck on my lips. A slight smile came across her face and our lips were soon touching again for a longer, more sensuous kiss.
"Mmm," escaped Helen's lips, as she started to move off towards the year one common room.
"Mmm?" I queried as I rushed to catch up, a big grin on my face. As I caught up, I could see she had a dreamy look on her face, topping a happy smile.
"What have you two been up to?" asked Jill as we came into the room and was immediately elbowed by Anna.
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"You both have silly grins on your faces. Oh and that's a nice haircut."
"Do you like the hair?" I asked, trying to remove the smile from my face. "Do you think it works better?"
"It is definitely a boy's style," Jill acknowledged.
It was soon time for lunch and we made our way towards the dinning room. As we left the common room, Jessica and Sam came rushing down the stairs from their bedrooms. Sam looked very happy and I'm sure I saw Sam skip a few times.
I certainly had missed school meals. I suppose it isn't many people that would prefer school meals, but the meals here were fantastic. There was always such a choice and I always tried to go for something that I'd never eaten before. After suffering food neglect, I had years of catching up.
The next day, before the start of breakfast Mr Hobson rose and silenced everyone, "This evening we are all going to see a concert in London. You were scheduled to see this concert before the trip to France, but when the French trip was bought forward you get to go afterwards. There is a meal booked at The Royal Albert Hall at half-four with the concert starting at half-six. Since there are a lot of us, they need to know your main course choices. Before you finish breakfast, please fill in the details on your PDA's. You'll get to choose a starter and a dessert while there. Now this is a very special concert as the players aren't much older than you are. We'll be seeing the West-Eastern Divan Orchestra play at tonight's prom concert. How many of you have heard of them?"
Nobody raised their hand.
"They're an orchestra made up of players aged thirteen to twenty-six. Half are Jewish and half from Arab countries. Their aim is to show that Arabs and Jew's can mix and work together. It also affects the players, so when they go back to their country they can act as a beacon that music crosses all barriers. The players themselves take great risk in taking part in the orchestra and they are all issued Spanish diplomatic passports to aid them leaving their country. Next week they're going to play in Ramallah, which will certainly be historic. I hope that you don't go just to hear the music, but to support such a great aim."
This was one of the most passionate speeches that Mr Hobson had made. The way he spoke of the orchestra was something akin to the passion he put into the school. It was something he thought was very important and something he thought that could make a difference. I know he thought the school made a difference, not just to the students, but also to society as a whole.
"Why is he so passionate about this?" I asked Becky, today's duty psychiatrist for our year.
"I'm not sure. I know he has spoken with Daniel Barenboim a few times and is very supportive of his efforts. He even went to Edward Said's funeral when he died in 2003."
"I've heard of Daniel Barenboim, but who was Edward Said?"
"He was an American Palestinian who, with Daniel Barenboim, founded the orchestra. He was a Professor of English and Comparative Literature at Columbia University."
After lunch, we changed into smart clothes, ready for the concert. I was very excited about going to see this concert, as it was the first time that I'd ever been to see an orchestra play. Yes, this wasn't a fulltime orchestra, but they must be good to get a slot at The Proms.
"Calm down," soothed Helen as the coach set off towards London. "If you keep bouncing around like this, Rachel will give you a tranquilizer."
"You're kidding?" I asked, aghast at the thought.
"Of course I am," she giggled. "Look, it's just a bunch of teenagers and young people playing a few instruments. I bet they're no better than us. We played to the French president and I bet they don't have that tonight."
"Yeah, they just have diplomatic passports."
"And people who want to kill them for becoming friends with the enemy. When we get there, take a look at the concert guide; you'll see that they don't say who is playing the parts. That is for security reasons. I much prefer to have a low profile than be at risk."
I looked at her in disbelief. Sometimes Helen doesn't think.
"What?!" she asked when she saw my expression.
"Think what we'll be doing when we finish school," I prompted.
"Oh, I suppose," she said. "But we won't be in the public gaze."
"Yeah, no public outcry if you're caught."
"Oh, stop trying to dishearten me."
"Just being a realist."
"I know, but I feel like you, that it's something important that we can do. Not many have the skills you have."
"And your skills. We are and will always be a team. Did you come to any conclusions regarding your feelings for David over Jayne?"
"No, not yet. It's something that I'm still thinking about. I was ecstatic when you became Jayne. I loved you before, but that was something else, like everything was fitting into place. I expected that something would feel out of place when David returned, but I still feel the same."
"And you're trying to work out why?"
"Yes."
I left Helen to her thoughts. I had no idea what she was going through, as I didn't behave any different when I was dressed as Jayne. Our little chat had certainly calmed me down.
"I'm going to give out tickets now," said Mr Hobson from the front of the coach. "Please don't lose them as they are the only ones you'll get. After the concert we shall meet the coach where it drops us off. I'm telling you this now, as there won't be room in the hall. Please be on your best behaviour."
The coach pulled up outside a red round building, which I recognised as The Royal Albert Hall. On the opposite side of the busy road was a statue, the sunlight glinting off its gold paintwork.
"What's that?" I asked Becky, pointing at the statue.
"That's the Albert Memorial. Queen Victoria commissioned it when her husband died of typhoid; he was only forty-two. It had recently been refurbished so looks stunning."
"I take it that this is the same Prince Albert that The Royal Albert Hall was named after?"
"You've got it," smiled Becky. "Though it was almost ten years after his death that the hall opened."
"How do you know so much about it?" asked Helen.
"Because I've been coming to concerts here since I was little. One year I even managed to do the Last Night of the Proms."
I'd heard about how jubilant the last night was, but it wasn't something my parents were interested in, so never had seen it. Perhaps I'd get to see it on television this year. We'd been so busy on the run up to the trip that I'd forgotten the Proms were on. I wonder if they are broadcast on television. With the amount of BBC outside broadcast trucks parked outside, I presume this one will be. For this trip there were less people than when we went to Paris, just the forty-two students, Mr Hobson, the five psychiatrists and Mrs Russell.
"Can I help you?" asked the official stationed outside door eight.
"I have reservations for us all in the Elgar Room," explained Mr Hobson.
"Ah, are you Quentin Hobson?"
"Yes."
"Excellent, I believe there are forty-nine of you."
"That's correct."
"Excellent. If you go up these stairs as far as they go, you should be on the circle level. Turn right and you will see the door a little way down on your right."
The restaurant was exactly where the doorman had described. As we went in, a small smile came over my face. If I'd been taken to a restaurant of this quality a few weeks ago, I would have been out of my depth. Now, it wasn't an issue, though it was the first time I'd eaten while a harpist played gently in the background.
The tables were set out for four people. Helen and I sat with Jill and Anna, rather like we shared the same hotel room in Paris. I looked at the menu and almost choked. This wasn't going to be a cheap meal.
Mr Hobson, who was making sure we were all okay asked, "David, are you okay?"
"The prices on this menu are huge. How can the school afford to eat here?"
"Let's just say that because of two people being very alert, the school was given a reward. That reward more than covers the cost of this treat. So if you want to order the Swordfish for starters, then do so."
"How did you know?"
"Because you hadn't had it yet. You seem to want to try things at least once."
I settled down to re-examining the menu. Mmm, Smoked Swordfish for starters. I'd already ordered the duck for the main course. As I waited for the waitress, I glanced down at the desserts. Oh now, this was going to be a difficult choice.
"Hi ladies, what can I get you to drink and starters?"
I opened my mouth to say something and I got simultaneously kicked in my leg three times. When the waitress had disappeared with our orders for drinks and starters, I gave a glare at my three ex-friends.
"Why did you all have to kick me?"
"We all did?" asked Helen. The other two just nodded. "I'm sorry; I thought it would only be me. It would have embarrassed that poor waitress if you'd said something. Does it really matter?"
"Yes," I complained. "It does to me. I've just spent weeks as Jayne and even after yesterdays haircut, I still get thought of as a girl."
"I think you look like a boy," offered Jill.
"Me too," added Anna.
"I recon it was because you were with three girls," said Helen. "A thirteen year old boy wouldn't normally do that."
"Are you saying I should have sat with Lewis and Brian?"
"It might have helped people's perception, but wouldn't you have missed me?" asked Helen, fluttering her eyelashes.
"You don't have to do that to get me to change my mind," I laughed. "Okay, during the meal I'll just take it as it comes. Next time I go to a concert like this, I'm wearing a suit. I didn't think a thirteen year old would look good in a suit and nobody from anything lower than year four is."
"A suit would have made you look like you were ten."
"I know, that's what I was saying. Perhaps Brenda has some makeup tips on making a boy look older."
"You never know, but I think a boy wearing makeup might stand out."
All the tables were quiet and subdued. Only our obvious youth made us stand out to other patrons who had also made reservations. It looked like a few seemed surprised by us being allowed in, but after seeing our manners, didn't say anything else.
"What are you going to have for dessert?" asked Helen as our main course plates were taken away.
"I'm toying between the Apple and Vanilla Mousse, and the Chocolate Pudding with Grand Marnier Mascarpone," I replied.
"I'm quite full, so I'm thinking about the mousse," said Jill.
"I'm going to have the Coconut Crá¨me Caramel," said Anna.
"I thought about that, but thought it might be a bit sweet," frowned Helen, going back to ponder the menu. "Dessert is certainly the hardest to choose."
With the meal over we silently left the restaurant and into the now busy corridor beyond. I followed the others back downstairs, and quickly disappeared into the toilets as I was passing. I had my ticket so I knew where to go.
As I walked into the toilet I got some strange looks and one man mumbled about the wrong room. I just went up to the urinal and got on with business. As I was washing my hands, Brian and Lewis came in. Lewis rushed into one of the cubicles, having left things a bit late. It wasn't till I was leaving that I realised that people thought I was in the wrong toilet, I quickly left before somebody got more outspoken.
"Helen," I said, plonking myself down in the seat next to hers. "Why does everyone assume that I'm a girl?"
"What happened?" asked Helen.
"I went to the toilet and some people assumed I was a girl. I think they understood I wasn't when I stood to go, but it was very scary when I worked out what had happened. Lewis didn't get any bother."
"I bet it was scary," she said, giving me a hug. "Going to the toilet before the concert starts sounds a good idea though. I'll be back in a few."
"Probably a bit longer than that," I replied. "The queue for the ladies was out into the corridor."
While I waited, I flicked through the concert guide to read up on what was being played and more about the orchestra. I smiled to myself when I noticed that the first piece was Mozart's Sinfonia Concertante. This was the same piece that we'd played in France. It will be interesting to hear it being played by somebody else. After the interval they were playing Mahler's first symphony.
It was a good job there was plenty of time, as it was fifteen minutes before a harassed Helen slipped into her seat. She had taken the time to brush out her hair and make herself look presentable again.
"You look nice," I told her.
"Thanks. I thought I'd never get there in time," said Helen leaning close to me, so we could chat without others hearing. "Perhaps Lewis has a good idea."
"Did you notice that it wasn't Stacy that came, but Marcus? I've never seen so many male year five pupils."
"That's not fair," moaned Helen, over the announcement that no flash photography was allowed and all mobiles should be turned off.
"I don't think you'd manage that. Heck, even I nearly got into trouble."
However, the seed was planted in Helen's mind, which would keep us both busy over the coming weeks; all because of a queue in a concert. The concert itself was outstanding and the crowd showed its appreciation at the end. The encore of Nimrod from Elgar's Enigma variations didn't calm the crowd. After a short speech of the courage of every player in the orchestra a second, longer encore was played, the Prelude and Liebestod to Wagner's opera Tristan und Isolde.
As we made our way out of the hall, I saw Marcus disappear away from everyone else. Wondering what was happening, I said to Helen that I'd see her in a few minutes. Without waiting for a response, I went after Marcus.
I caught up with him near the entrance to backstage. He noticed me approach and beckoned me to quietly approach. In the background, we saw Mr Hobson chatting with someone. After a little time, he produced some papers, which he gave to Mr Hobson. Marcus gave me a prod and we quickly disappeared towards the coach.
"It was very brave playing the Wagner," Marcus said, deliberately not discussing what we'd just witnessed.
"Oh?"
"Wagner was anti-Semitic and he is banned from being played in Israel. Zubin Mehta tried to play Wagner in Israel during a 1981 concert and had the concert interrupted. Daniel Barenboim didn't think any piece should be prescribed, and played it with a German orchestra. This lead to what he'd done being referred to as 'Cultural Rape'. So to repeat it now, in a concert which is very similar to one that will be played in Ramallah, is very brave."
"Sorry, but we both had to go to the toilet," lied Marcus to Mrs Russell, as we both boarded the coach.
"Yes, Helen and Andy said that you'd been delayed. Mr Hobson is making his own way back to the school, so we'll be departing without him."
As soon as we were seated, the coach set off. Helen gave me an enquiring look and I knew that when we were in the privacy of our bedrooms, I'd have to tell her what happened.
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Helen comes up with an idea to help David find out about himself.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 19
Today was the first day back at lessons, and I was glad. I wasn't particularly pleased that I had to work, but it got away from the noise of the builders. Saturday and Sunday, they had spent the time preparing for the work, but today they started in earnest. Mr Hobson had described the work as 'alterations', but it appeared to be an extension to the sleeping area.
As we were finishing our morning ride, we came back to find the workers hard at it, digging up the area for foundations. I didn't pay much attention till Andy suddenly yelled at the top of his considerable voice, "June, what are you doing here?"
June stopped her digger, jumped over the barrier and was giving Andy and Stacy huge hugs. It looked like they were long lost friends.
"David, Helen, come here," called Stacy.
I was a bit surprised, but when asked to do something by the head girl, you did it.
"June, I'd like you to meet David and Helen," Stacy said introducing us. "June was head girl and Beta One last year."
"Ah, so you're David and Helen," June said with a warm smile. "I hear that you are causing all sorts of a ruckus."
"So if that was your position last year, what are you doing driving a mechanical digger?" I asked, knowing that if she was Beta One that her career path would be like mine.
"I'm on loan for a few weeks," June said, smiling at my direct approach. "The school is employing a team of people who know how to keep their mouths shut. Some are ex students while others are part of the schools standard builders."
"So how big is the extension you're adding?" asked Helen.
"It should double the number of bedrooms."
"Double?!" I said in shock. "But there is a whole floor of them not currently used."
"I'm not to wonder why, but to build," June replied with a smile. She obviously knew something and wasn't saying.
"Sorry, but I need a shower before breakfast," said Helen grabbing me before I could ask June questions she wouldn't answer. "It was nice meeting you."
"I don't think it will be the last time," said June, as Helen and I went to get ready, leaving Stacy and Andy to catch up with their friend.
There was no orchestra practice till Wednesday, but lessons were back to normal. We covered a lot of material in the lesson time and were given homework to read around the subject. It was in the afternoon that things were different. At the end of maths, we were told that we were progressing very quickly with the syllabus. If she thought we were ready, we would take the exam in November.
"What did you think of that?" asked Paula, when we later settled to relax in the common room. There was no need to ask what she was talking about. The exam announcement had been playing on all our minds ever since we were told.
"I know we are covering a lot of stuff in the lessons, but I never thought we would take it that soon."
That led to a discussion about when we thought we might take our first exams. If we took the maths exam in November, it would be over two years early.
"You seem quiet about it?" I said to Jessica, who hadn't really said anything.
"I'm surprised it is so early, not that we are taking them early," she said. "Don't forget that I got feedback that Wendy took exams early, so it wasn't a shock like it was for you."
"Yeah, and we were also warned in the introduction," reminded Helen.
"So what do we do?" moaned Emma. "I hate exams."
"You'll do what we all will do," I said. "Learn hard in the class, study hard and pray that the exam isn't too complex. I doubt that they would be entering us this early if they didn't think we could do it."
"Do you think we'll be doing other exams?" asked Emma.
"I wouldn't be surprised," I answered. "Why don't we ask Keith when we eat? Talking about food, shall we go through?"
We all got up and made our way to the dinning room. Tonight was the last day of our punishment and tomorrow someone else would be fetching the food. When the bell rang, Helen and I dutifully fetched the food.
"Keith," I said, as we ate. "We've been told today that we will probably be taking the maths exam in November. Do you know if we'll be taking any other exams then?"
"It wouldn't be unusual, but things are very busy with the second trip. It depends when the trip is and if it conflicts with the exams. I know they want to fit in the French exam, which is in the middle of January."
I felt like asking if there was an estimated date for the trip, but I knew it wasn't something that we would be told. Thankfully, nobody else asked. Perhaps they understood that academic things were okay to query, but the way the school ran was something different.
After ten that night, Helen and I were sat on the settee in my bedroom. We were both dressed ready for bed, so we didn't have the hassle of getting ready if things went on too late. We'd finished our homework and started to chat about the day. It was during this peaceful time, when we were cuddled together, that Helen suddenly dropped her bombshell.
"Before the trip to Paris, you and Jessica took lessons to help you pass as a girl. What were they like?"
"They were okay. They were nothing special, just lessons. Why?"
"Do you think they do lessons to help people pass better as male?"
"I suppose so," I said cautiously. If this was for me then that would be nice. Would it be so good if it was for Helen? Did she want to be a boy? "Is this for me or for you?"
"Both," she replied, pulling me closer to her. Her arms were wrapped round my body and as she tightened her grip, there was no way to break free.
"Do you want to be a boy?" I asked, trying to not let my voice break.
"Hush," she said kissing my cheek. "Of course I don't want to be a boy."
"So why do you want those lessons?"
"Well, I don't know how to act as a boy and I think it would help. Look how all the higher years can do it."
"You just want to be able to skip the queues."
Helen laughed. "Well that's not a bad reason, is it?"
"I think it would be beneficial to us on the Beta team. Hide as one sex and portray ourselves as another."
"You think?"
"Well look how effective Stacy and Andy are at it. Andy is always passable as male, but was able to switch when needed to the opposite sex. Don't you think that would be good?"
"Perhaps," I replied. "We have an appointment with Rachel tomorrow at eleven. Why don't we discuss it with her then? We won't be able to do this without her blessing."
"That's true," she said giving me another kiss.
I didn't sleep well that night. Every time I closed my eyes, I kept seeing Helen trying to be a boy on Mix-up Monday. I still couldn't see her as a boy, just a girl in boy's clothes. She said she didn't want to be a boy, but was that really the case? How important were the clothes to our relationship? I thought Helen only really loved me as Jayne, but the last few days she has shown as much love to me as David as when I was Jayne. Will that last? Perhaps she loved me as a person, or would she have recommended that I try to have boy lessons. Did I need boy lessons?
Tears started to leak out of my eyes as I tried to review my life. How, over the last few years I had to run away from everyone. How I had to exclude myself from the only person that truly cared, Helen. Oh sure, there were others that Helen was friends with that were kind, but looking back, Helen was the one that was always there for me.
I used to get ridiculed because I played an instrument. I didn't follow football and that was just another nail in my coffin. I didn't like sports and liked classical music, but did that make me a girl? No, I don't think so. So why did everyone think I acted like a girl?
I had no answer to that question, but the sleeping girl next to me had thought the same as the others. Did it matter?
"Are you okay?" asked Helen snuggling up.
"I'm fine," I said, trying to sound normal.
"I thought I'd heard you crying."
"I'm fine," I repeated, not confirming or denying that I'd been crying.
"I love you," said Helen. "I love you as David and as Jayne.
"Would you love me if I decided to stay as David for ever?"
"Yes," came the firm answer.
"What if I decided to become Jayne?"
"Of course I'd still love you. I love you for you. I'm ashamed to only realise that since Saturday. I dreaded you stopping being Jayne, but apart from the clothes, you are still the same kind and wonderful person."
"Do you mean that I still act like Jayne?"
Helen didn't say anything for a bit, but eventually she said reluctantly, "A little."
"A little?"
"Okay, you've always acted like Jayne. It was nice to see you dressed like Jayne at first, as it seemed to fit you better. However, as I've gotten to know you better, I've seen beyond the clothes. I know it's very quick, but I've known you for a few years. You've always just been you."
"So what'll happen when I look like David and act like a male?"
"You'll still be the same person," she said. "It won't change who you are inside, just the way you portray yourself. It'll give you the chance to function as David or Jayne."
"I suppose I never did well at being David at school," I acknowledged, my voice sounding hurt.
"You were a wonderful person, just as you are now. Do you think they would have offered you a chance at being on the Beta team if you weren't a nice person?"
"I suppose," I said, cheering up a bit.
It took a while for us to talk about the impact of our request, which I suppose we should have done earlier. By the time that we both settled for sleep, it was very late. I changed the alarm so that we wouldn't get up for a bike ride. There was no sleep-in though, as the sound of pneumatic drills filtered through the window.
"What time is it?" groaned Helen.
"Seven," I replied peering at the time through bleary eyes.
"I feel like I've only had a few hours sleep."
"We have only had a few hours sleep," I replied, trying not to smile. Helen didn't like having so little sleep.
The shower didn't help much and we rushed towards breakfast, having had no time to meet with the others in the common room.
"Since you didn't have to get the food, you thought you'd turn up late," teased Brian.
I was tempted to stick out my tongue, but thought better of it. Instead I went to where the cereals were and grabbed a large mug of coffee along with a bowl of cornflakes. I'd never been one for coffee or tea, but I thought it might help wake me up.
"That sounds like a great idea," said Helen, who was having a cooked breakfast and went off to get herself a mug.
"Can you wait till eleven?" asked Rachel.
"Oh yes, there isn't an emergency."
"You both look shattered," said Jill.
"We didn't get to sleep till late. We were up late talking about things."
"And?"
"We're fine, just tired. The chat we had helped."
After breakfast, as we made our way to our languages lesson, Stacy caught up with us. "Are you okay?"
"We're fine, just tired," said Helen. This was getting old, but it was nice that people cared. "How did you know?"
"I got a message from Rachel asking if I'd kept you up. Since I hadn't, I presume that you'd either been up all night, making mad passionate love, or that it was something you'd discussed till late in the night."
"Which do you think?" I asked sarcastically.
"The lack of a silly smile makes me think it wasn't the mad passionate love," she laughed. "Since you aren't with Rachel now, I take it things were sorted?"
"It took a while," Helen and I said together.
"Well, if you want a chat with another student, then you know where I am," she said. "You better rush or you'll be late."
We hurried and caught up with the others as we went into the classroom. I normally sat next to Helen, but today Jill grabbed me and dragged me into the seat next to hers. Helen ended up next to Anna.
"Huh?"
"We thought that it would help you stay awake, if somebody who wasn't so tired sat next to you."
"Thanks."
"I hear that you all did very well in France. It gave me time off to relax while you were gone. Now due to the change in arrangements, we will soon be starting to learn two languages; one in depth and one just so you have the basics. The language experts in each year will be expected to learn them both and surrounding cultures in more depth. Any questions?"
"We have a maths exam in November," said Helen. "Do we have a French one?"
"Yes you will. There will be two forty-minute exams. The first will be a listening exam and the second will be a reading exam. The exam is supposed to be on the seventeenth of January, but Mr Hobson is talking to the exam board about having the school able to sit the exam outside normal examination periods."
"Would we be ready to sit such an exam?"
"We wouldn't be entering you if we didn't think you were capable. You studied very hard and your French is more than adequate for the exam. Even your French writing, which is the weakest of your skills, will be good enough. Before the trip, you each provided me with work you did on your own. That was two pieces of coursework. Tomorrow you'll do another piece of coursework, but that must be done in the classroom."
"Tomorrow?" asked Anna.
"Well, I don't think it would be a good idea for you to do it today. I want you all to be in top condition."
"Thank you," I said at the same time as Helen.
"Today, I'm going to give you each a card with a topic. You'll have five minutes to think about it and then each of you will be asked to act out the situation as a role-play. I don't expect it to last more than a minute or two."
The cards were handed out, face down. When we were told, we looked at them and formulated what we were going to say. I'm not sure how well I did, as I felt tired.
After we had all played it out, we were told, "Well done, that is one of the situations in the Speaking exam. If that had been a real exam, you would have all got top marks."
"Is that all there is to it?"
"No, you also have to do a presentation for a few minutes and then answer questions on it. Lastly you have to discuss two topics for about six to eight minutes. We shall practice this more in future lessons."
"It doesn't sound too bad, does it?" said Anna as we made our way to our next lesson.
"No, I suppose it isn't," Sam agreed. "That role-play wasn't too bad. I suppose speaking French for a few weeks helped us."
An hour of English literature passed quickly and I was soon making my way, with Helen, to see Rachel. She was waiting for us and we were ushered to the plush maroon leather settee.
"So, did you fall asleep in lessons?" asked Rachel as she gathered up two files.
"No," we replied together and then I blushed.
"I take it you are the psychiatrist for Andy, Ingrid and Fran as well as Stacy, Helen and me?"
Rachel smiled a bit at that. "Yes, I am. I don't know the exact details of what you do, but I know enough to be able to provide counselling if required. Don't forget it was me who told you on your first night the basis of your future career. I'm the only psychiatrist that knows these details. If you told the others it would be a breach of security, even though they would keep the details to themselves."
"None of the other psychiatrists know?"
"They probably suspect something else happens, like I'm sure a lot of the students do, but they know better than to ask or try to find out. However, this isn't why you were up late talking, is it?"
Helen nudged me to explain. There was no way I was going to explain her plan. I thought it was a good idea for me to learn how to be a male better, but her idea of it being good for the Beta team was her crazy idea.
"I'll let Helen explain," I said, sitting back.
Helen glared at me and stuck out her tongue. Rachel just waited for us to sort ourselves out.
"I'll explain then," sighed Helen. "Basically, Jayne and Jessica did a course on how to portray themselves better as girls. I was wondering, do you do a course for people to portray themselves better as boys?"
"Why would you want to do that? Do you want to be male, or live as male?" asked Rachel, not answering Helen's question.
"No," said Helen.
"Are you sure?" quickly retorted Rachel, leaning closer to Helen. "Not many girls would go to all that trouble."
"No, I don’t want to be a boy," said Helen, caught off guard by Rachel's attack.
"Are you sure? You have a lot of male attributes. You seem to like David as a girl. I think you want to be the man and have David as the woman."
I opened my mouth to protest but was silenced by Rachel's glare. Why was Rachel being like this to Helen? It was as if she was deliberately goading her.
"Well Helen?" prodded Rachel, as Helen sat there, her mouth tightly gripped.
"Well what?" asked Helen crossly.
"Why didn't you tell me before you wanted to be a boy?"
Again I was about to protest but there was that glare again. Sod the glare. "I think-"
"I don't want to be a boy," shouted Helen, angrily. "I was asking for David to go on the course, so he can learn how to be a boy properly. I wanted to go on it myself, so that I can understand both sides better. It would also help me on mix-up Mondays."
"Nicely put," smiled Rachel as she sat back. "Are there any other reasons?"
"It might make things easier for extracurricular activities."
"Extracurricular activities?"
"At the concert on Sunday there was hardly a queue for the men's toilets, but the queue to the ladies was out of the door," I said, upset how Rachel had treated Helen. "Also Stacy might like the idea."
"Stacy had already talked to me about you two having male lessons," revealed Rachel. "I told her that it would wait till you two were ready and approached me on your own accord."
"Why did you treat Helen like you did?" I said angrily. "That wasn't nice."
"No it wasn't," acknowledged Rachel.
That confused me. One minute Rachel was being really nasty to Helen, the next she was back to her normal self.
"I applied a bit of pressure on you to see how you would react," explained Rachel to Helen. "You got upset, but didn't lose focus on what you set out to achieve. You didn't totally lose control of your emotions, but you did come close. Most importantly you didn't reveal anything you weren't supposed to."
"It was a test?" I asked, still feeling angry.
"To see if you needed help with other things. You have got to remember there are times to help and times to wait and see how things develop. Helen was in no danger, and I was only taunting her. Save the heroics for when they are needed."
"Yes miss," I replied feeling slightly told off.
"Hey, don't take it like that. I'm just offering you advice; if you take it or not is up to you. You both are doing very well, but you are younger than any other person has been in the roles you have. I'm just trying to bring you on a bit."
"So, can we have these lessons?" Helen asked again.
Rachel again ignored the question and asked Helen, "You seem to be getting on very well with David. A lot better than you thought you would. Is that true?"
"Yes," Helen slowly replied, trying to work out what Rachel was trying to achieve.
"There aren't any hidden traps," reassured Rachel. "This is just a chat to make sure that the situation is clear. Before David got trapped as Jayne, you said that you thought that David acted like a girl. True?"
"Yes," hesitantly replied Helen, giving me a quick glance.
"Great, now since the trip to Paris, would you say that David acts more like a girl than before, or more like a boy?"
I closed my eyes when Rachel finished asking the question. I didn't want to hear the answer, but I knew I had no choice. Why is it so important if I act like a girl or a boy? Won't the male lessons help me sort things out?
"I don't know," said Helen, trying to avoid answering the question.
"Helen, I can't help you and David if you both aren't truthful to yourselves and to me. You know how you feel, don't you."
"Okay, David acts more like a girl than he did before Paris," admitted Helen. "He's no different from Jayne in the way he acts."
"And you love him as much as you loved Jayne?"
"Yes."
"Then if he became more male, and less like Jayne, would you find it harder to love him?"
"No...yes...oh I don't know," said Helen near tears. "I just don't know. I hope I love him just as much."
Helen stopped and I pulled her into my arms. All my worst fears had been realised. I might have been dressed as David, but I was just Jayne in male clothes. I was a fake man.
"I want David to be happy," said Helen. "He wants to be more like David. It wouldn't be fair on him if I didn't try to help."
"David, would you like to be more masculine?"
"Am I really just like Jayne, but in boy clothes?"
"Do you feel different?" asked Rachel, again avoiding answering questions.
"I feel like me. I think I feel different, but Helen doesn't think I am."
"It doesn't matter what Helen thinks. If you feel you are different then you are, but is the difference enough for you?"
This is difficult. How can I say what I feel if it ruins Helen's love for me? Would Helen still love me if I was a male David? Andy told Helen to give me space to learn who I was. If I tried to be more masculine would she remember what Andy said? Was she doing this because of her chat with Andy?
"I don't know," I answered, not really knowing how I was going to say this. "I don't know what it is to be feminine or masculine. All I've ever done is be myself. Before the Paris trip, I had to have lessons to walk in heels, but any girl has to learn that; it wasn't a sign I was less feminine. I want to be David. I want to be a good husband, hopefully to Helen. Perhaps one day a father. But I don't know if I can when people keep thinking I'm a girl."
"On Sunday, why did you pretend to be a girl when the waitress referred to you all as females?"
"So she wasn't embarrassed, or cause issues to others. At first I was going to say something but I was reminded what might happen."
"Did the others force you to be Jayne?"
"No, not really. They were just trying to help me. But that wasn't the only time it happened. After the meal I went to the toilet and people there thought I was a girl, till I stood up to go. I didn't back down that time, but it made me more afraid. I was frightened that I was going to be beaten up."
"Why?" asked Rachel. "The people that go there aren't normally violent."
"I just felt very unsafe. Nobody threatened me, but I felt I was a threat to them."
"So, do you want to attend these lessons?"
"I think it would be good for us both," I replied without hesitation. "I take it, it wouldn't change who we are?"
"You mean, will it change your core personality?"
"I suppose so. Will it?"
"No, we aren't a school who brainwashes people, or forces them to be something they aren't. You will still be you. You'll just have new skills that you can use."
"So we can do it?" asked Helen getting all excited.
"I don't see any reason why you shouldn't and as you say, it should help with extracurricular activities."
"So, when do we start?"
"Calm down. I've got to arrange things. You'll need training in male grooming, deportment, speech and various other things. This isn't a two week course and you'll have to do a lot of practice in your spare time."
"Will we be ready before the next school trip?"
"If everything goes well, then I don't see why not," laughed Rachel at Helen's eagerness.
"Oh, we've missed lunch," said Helen in horror as she looked at her watch.
"Don't worry; I expected this to be a long session. If you go to your rooms, your meal will be brought to you. I'll let the others know you are okay. After you have eaten, put the trays outside your door and let the kitchen know. You're to have an hour or two of rest. You can catch up on the afternoon lessons from your friends."
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Who is going to be staying in the extension and how did David get so good with computers?
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 20
"We've got something to tell you all," said Helen, taking a deep breath.
We were all sitting in the year one common room before lunch. Earlier we had received a message from Rachel telling us that things were being arranged and it might be advisable to tell the rest of the year. I was sat next to Helen with my arm round her, when Helen announced she had news. Everyone quickly gathered round.
"We won't bite or judge," said Jessica, seeing the worried look on Helen's face.
"David and I will be starting a course soon that will help both of us learn how to be more male. So from tomorrow, I will be living as Christopher."
"I didn't think you wanted to be a boy," puzzled Lewis, breaking the shocked silence.
"I don't," smiled Helen. "I was so bad at it on Mix-up Monday that I thought it would be a good idea."
"What about you David?" asked Brian.
"I don't know who or what I am," I replied shakily, still finding it hard to talk about it.
"David didn't want to be Jayne, but has realised that he's always acted like a girl. David just wants to be happy and has never wanted to be a girl. David is doing the course to see if he can be happy, as he thinks he should be."
Emma, Jessica and Lewis all looked horrified.
"What?!" I said to all three of them.
"Nothing," Emma mumbled.
"Come on, out with it."
"It's like turning your back on who you really are," Emma replied. "It's like you're trying to live by other peoples expectations instead of being yourself."
"That's not on," suddenly burst out Jill, jumping to her feet. "David doesn't know who he is, or what he wants. Unless David tries, he'll never find happiness. He'll always wonder if he made the right choice. David needs to go with who David wants to be. You have no more right than anybody else to tell David what he should be. If David wants to try and be male, then he should. If he wants to paint his face green, stick antenna's onto his head and pretended to be an alien, then we should be asking how we can help and not to criticise."
"I'm sorry," said Emma. "You're right. I was assuming that anybody who acts like a girl would want to be a girl. You have to do what's right for you."
Jessica and Lewis mumbled their apologies. I looked shocked at Jill. It was rare for her to take a stance on something and I thought she might have had similar views to Emma, Jessica and Lewis. Anna pulled Jill onto her lap and looked proudly at her.
"What are you going to do on this course?" Lewis asked.
"We don't know the full details," said Helen. "Speech therapy, lessons in walking and acting like a man, and other items we haven't been told about yet."
After lunch we had our language lesson. We were told that the exam board, after some discussions, had agreed in principle to the request for an early exam. Today we had to do some coursework under controlled conditions. I'm certain that the way we were immersed into the French language helped. Talking, hearing and seeing French increased the speed of learning. We had to quickly learn the language, as we weren't allowed any other way to communicate.
"On Friday we will have a practice for some of the spoken French exam requirements. You had a go with role-play yesterday. I want each of you to take a card. You will be expected to talk about what's on the card for about ten minutes and then answer questions for another ten minutes. We therefore have a double period for language studies, so you'll miss English."
We all grabbed a card as we filed out and groaned when we saw the subject. Tonight was going to take some thinking. I decided I would dictate some ideas onto the PDA and see what points I could flesh out.
When it was time for orchestra practice, we all rushed to the hall. Having such a gap, without formal practice, seemed strange and we were all eager to play together. Just because there hadn't been any formal orchestra practice hadn't stopped us practicing or playing when we wanted. The music practice rooms were always booked during official break times, such as weekends and evenings.
When we were all settled, sans music, Mrs Russell said, "I'd like to thank you all for the outstanding performances in Paris. You played better than I've ever heard you play those pieces before. You made all the members of staff proud that you represent the school. Well done. Lewis is going to pass out the two pieces of music that we will play in the unscheduled trip. I'll answer any questions you might have when you have all had a look at them. We'll play Schubert's Third and Beethoven's First on the final trip.
Lewis passed the music. I was given first horn and Kevin second.
"I said it would happen," said Kevin.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be, you are a better horn player than me, but I'm sure I'm far better than you on the violin."
"Since I've never tried, I'm sure your right."
I was glad that he wasn't upset. I looked at what we'd been given; The Armed Man - A Mass for Peace by Karl Jenkins and Beethoven's Ninth Symphony.
"I've never heard of the Karl Jenkins piece," I said quietly. "In fact I've never heard of Karl Jenkins. Doesn't Beethoven's Ninth have a choral movement?"
"Yes," he replied. "I wonder if the extension to the sleeping quarters is to hold a choir. Karl Jenkins is a Welsh composer who has written some ground breaking modern suites. The Armed Man, like most of his pieces, is choral."
We didn't have long to speculate, as Lewis soon had all the parts dished out. Mrs Russell quickly called us all to order.
"Any questions?" asked Mrs Russell with a smile. She knew we weren't stupid.
"I take it there will be a choir joining us," said Susan from her position as principal cellist. "Or is Mr Hobson going to be the solo tenor."
"Until the choir get's here, I will indeed be singing the solo tenor," said Mr Hobson, coming in from lurking on the sides. "Mr Yates the bass, Julia alto and Becky is doing soprano. Other teachers will be lending their weight to being the choir."
"So the building work is to house a choir?" asked Kevin.
"Yes. We have a sister school in America which have accepted our invitation to play together. That school is larger than ours, so they'll not only provide the choir, but also supplement the orchestra where needed. We need more players for the double-bass, horn, trumpet, flute and bassoon. We are an orchestral school and they are a choral school. All their pupils can sing, but some also play instruments so this allows them to have their own mini orchestra to accompany them. Once the building work is complete, they will be flying out. Any more questions?"
"Will the kitchens and dining area need extending?"
"That's a great question. There will be a new kitchen built at the back of building, which will be bigger and more modern than the current one. We'll then extend the dining room. That, I'm told, will be starting in a few weeks time and should cause little disruption."
"Okay, turn to the Beethoven. I want us to play the first four movements. That'll take nearly an hour. I don't want to stop to discuss things, but I'll shout pointers out as we go along, so please listen as well as watch. For those playing right at the beginning, I want it to be quiet and rather pensive. There is plenty of time for loud thrills later on."
I suppose there is nothing like being thrown into the deep end to learn to swim. Well this was not an easy piece to play and there were areas where it almost fell apart and it looked like Mrs Russell would have to stop. She didn't and we ploughed though the work, ending with the dramatic first few bars of the fifth movement.
"Wasn't that fun!" laughed Mrs Russell. "That was certainly a wild ride. I thought we'd fallen off the tracks at some stage, but we always seemed to find each other. We have a lot of work to do over the next few months. On Friday we'll have a look at the Karl Jenkins work. Susan, can you please have a good practice of The Benedictus. On Sunday we will have a look at the first two movements of the symphony."
What a start to orchestra practice. We finished thirty minutes early, which was good because we were all exhausted. To a listener, Beethoven's ninth seems quite easy to play, but that's because it's normally only attempted by highly competent orchestras. The music is full of intricacies and full of expression, which needs a lot of hard work. When I got to the common room I collapsed into a chair, as did all but Lewis. He just nodded in understanding, having seen what we had given.
"Lewis," Helen called, her head resting on my lap. "Could you see if you could find a recording of the Karl Jenkins piece?"
"Sure," he replied, pulling out his PDA. The rest of us didn't even have the strength or will to do that.
We'd heard about half of it when it was time for our evening meal, so we listened to the rest afterwards. By mealtime we had recovered and the food just helped to replenish our energy.
"Susan's going to have fun," I said as we finished listening to the record. "What a melody she has to portray. With feeling like in that recording, she'll really have to practice."
I pulled out my PDA and interfaced with the sound system in the room. I pulled up a list of recordings of Beethoven's Ninth, and after some thought chose a version of Herbert von Karajan conducting the Berlin Symphony. We were supposed to listen to it while we did our homework, but as it started homework soon got put to one side as we listened and compared it to our inadequate performance.
"It looks like we've got a lot of work to do," sighed Paula. "That was an excellent recording."
"We'll do it," I said with confidence I didn't really feel. "They wouldn't have given us that music to play if they didn't think we could rise to the occasion."
Silence reigned as we settled to do our homework, well we were silent, but we had some background music on that helped us concentrate, rather that disturb us. The biggest thing we'd been given was the French for discussion due Friday. After about thirty minutes we started discussing what ideas we'd come up with.
"Anna, what music did you choose?" I asked, as we prepared to go to our rooms.
"Did you like it?"
"Yeah, it was nice background music. It was sort of there, but not something that really attracted your attention."
"It was a CD called The Beyondness of Things by John Barry."
"I've never heard of him."
"He does a lot of film scores. He did Out of Africa, some of the James Bond music and Dances with Wolves."
"Nice films," I thought, thinking about my Dad's obsession with some films. It was times like this that brought them to my mind. I thought about them a lot and missed them even more, but it was never an obsession like Wendy. It didn't rule my life. I wasn't lonely and it might sound harsh, but in some ways it was a fair sacrifice for my freedom and happiness. I was happy with my family, but was never able to be happy outside the house; there was always the threat of being attacked.
The next day, while I showered, Christopher replaced Helen. Oh, Helen wasn't gone for good, but it was a moment to note. It was another step, rather like Sunday was when she got this idea. No, Helen wasn't gone; Christopher and Helen was the same person, just portraying themselves differently. Sometimes Helen held herself back from displaying her true personality. Behind the closed doors of the bedroom, she was more herself. I was just worried that when she was Christopher, she didn't hide another part of herself.
"Nice shirt," I said when Christopher came into my room.
"Do I look okay?"
"If I took a snapshot of your body, you would say boy," I tactfully replied. Christopher had remembered the compression vest and had made a big attempt. The face was still a let down and looked feminine. A trip to the hairdressers was also required for a radical restyle.
"The rest?"
"You need the speech therapy and you need to book a hair appointment," I offered.
Christopher wasn't upset and just nodded, wondering how much hair would be removed. He showed me his PDA and on it was an appointment at eleven to see the hairdresser.
"When did you make it?" I asked.
"Two days ago," he replied. I was struggling to see Helen as Christopher, but was making an effort. When Richard became Jessica it wasn't so hard, even though Jessica had just as much work to do. Perhaps it's because I'm aware of the person below the clothes. Not just the body, which I adore snuggling with, but the soul of the person. Helen might have some male personality, but it wasn't enough to make me think of her as male.
"Do you mind me doing this?" asked Christopher.
"Not at all," I truthfully replied. "Like I have to find myself, in a lot of ways so do you."
"I'm not doing this to become male."
"That might not be your intension, but others will think you are. I just want you to be happy. Make any choices for yourself, not what others expect of you."
"Do you always make the choices for yourself?" Christopher asked me.
"I suppose not," I said after a few moments thought. "Such as when we came home from Paris, you asked if I could stay as Jayne. I said yes to make you happy."
"Did it make you unhappy?"
"I was eager to be David, but I suppose on extra night didn't matter."
"I'm sorry. I'll try not to force you again."
"You didn't force me. I could have said no, but I chose not to."
The others in the year were very good and they all used male terms as soon as Christopher appeared. Lewis gave some pointers to make Christopher appear slightly less feminine, which helped a little.
Christopher was feeling very self-conscious, which Jill noticed. Jill asked, "David, I presume your parents weren't well off since you'd never went on holiday before, let alone go abroad. So how did they afford a computer?"
"It seems somebody put my name forward for a sponsorship. I think it was one of the teachers at school, but none of them ever admitted it. I had nothing in life apart from music and that just got me into more trouble. I couldn't spend my life with music, as my parents didn't like me practicing as much as I'd have liked, so the computer was brilliant. It gave me something to do when I was shut in my room, safe from life."
"I've seen you in computer lessons, you are really good and Julia often gets you to help," praised Emma. "How did you get that good?"
"The sponsorship including broadband internet access and I made a few online friends. I soon was getting tips, ideas to try and support. There was one person, who went by the handle hhb104, that over the last year, I got very good friends with. Since coming to the school, I've lost contact, as we're all excluded from chat areas like that."
"Couldn't you bypass security?"
"Yes, but then if I'm caught, I'll have lost the trust I have. I'm not going to break or bend something as serious as that. Oh, I'm not a prude and I've bent some of the school rules, just like we all have, but I'm not going to do something that might get me into that much trouble."
"Do you think they would expel you?"
"I doubt it, but why take the risk. I love this school. It has given me opportunities I never had at home and would never get. It's a safe environment where I can thrive. I could never thrive in my previous life. I now feel as this is my home."
"Yesterday I was asked how my previous school treated me," said Lewis.
"Why did they do that?"
"It seems that they broke certain rules or laws. It seems the school has contacts with people who can try to turn the school round, so if there are any other transsexuals, they get treated better. They wanted a statement from me so they could have some ammunition. They have also spoken to my parents and some other pupils."
"I've never heard of someone sticking up for transsexuals like that," said Emma in awe. "I wonder if they will do anything about my school."
"Your school might have treated you badly, but you got to attend as a girl. I never got the chance to officially be a boy at school."
After breakfast, Rachel asked that we have a chat after lessons and before our evening meal. She wanted to catch up with how things were going.
During the day, I kept a close watch over Christopher. It seems the teachers were also keeping more of an eye on Christopher and his relationship with the rest of the year. The other students were also keeping a watch and when Christopher nearly went into the girl's toilet, he was steered towards the boys.
"So David, how've you coped today," Rachel asked me that evening.
"I'm fine," I said, surprised that Rachel was asking me and not Christopher.
"You haven't been feeling any more stress?"
"No," I asked puzzled at Rachel's questions.
"Do you still want to go ahead with your extra lessons?"
"Yes," I firmly said.
"Ok," said Rachel nodding her head.
Christopher, who was sat next to me, was looking equally perplexed with the questioning. He'd expected to be the one who was under the spotlight.
"Christopher, you have seemed to make a large attempt to portray yourself as male. Visually you dressed as male, and have had your hair restyled. However, did you shave your legs this morning?"
"Of course I did."
"Boy's don't shave their legs, arms and pits," Rachel pointed out.
"Oh, I hadn't thought of that."
"You also appear to have picked up some good tips from Lewis and some other boys at the school. You just need to remember the tips you get. You'll need them if you decide to continue these lessons."
"Am I allowed to?"
"If you want to, I'm not going to stop you. Soon after you'd started at the school, you said you wanted to be in a relationship with David. You need to remember David will be impacted as you change."
"This isn't permanent."
"Oh, you might not decide to become a boy fulltime, but it will certainly impact David and others around you.
"Really?"
"Yes, really. You're in a relationship with David. Have you asked him about this?"
"We talked about it the other night."
"You've not discussed it since?"
"A little," Christopher said, suddenly beginning to sound unsure of himself.
"What about today. Have you asked him how he is coping with his girlfriend becoming his boyfriend?"
"It's just an act."
"In some ways it is, but in a lot of other ways it isn't. To be successful, you'll need to become Christopher and that'll have an impact."
"I love Helen and Christopher equally," I said, trying to defend Christopher.
"Christopher has only changed clothes and hairstyle. He hasn't tried to become the person fully yet. There have been some slight changes in personality, but nothing unexpected. I want you two to talk about this every day. You need to discuss things or you might drift apart."
"Oh," Christopher and I said together.
"Look, don't worry, but don't think this will be plain sailing. Also, David will change and that might impact Christopher. Would you mind being in a gay relationship, even if it's only a perceived gay relationship? That is just a small example. Do you still want to both go ahead?"
"Yes," we said together. I was glad that we hadn't drifted apart that much.
"Well, I want you to both go for a walk in the late summer evening. If, in the morning, you are still both adamant that you want to go ahead, then you will. One rule I need you to agree to, is that if one of you becomes uncomfortable about the other, you talk about it, and if necessary, the experiment is halted, till you can find a level you are both comfortable with."
"Can we discuss this and tell you in the morning as well?" I asked.
"Yes, I think that's a wise answer," she said. "Now run along for that walk and I expect to see you in my office thirty minutes before breakfast."
We took a stroll out into the school grounds. The sound of the workers, building the extension still sounded. If it was like other nights, they'd work till about nine. We walked straight out and into the deserted park, heading towards the sports facilities.
"How do you feel about all of this?" asked Helen, when the school disappeared, hidden from view by some trees.
"Like I told Rachel, I don't have any issues with it. I understand why you want to learn how to be a boy and after some thought I think it's a good idea. I don't feel any different being a boy or a girl and that has been implied too many times, is because I always act like a girl. I think it'll do me good to learn how to be a boy. If I don't like it then I won't do it and I'll think again."
"What if you do?"
"Then I'll have plenty of fun. I don't dislike being Jayne, I just have to get used to the fact that clothes don't affect the person I am. They don't affect the person you are either. You are dressed as a boy, but generally you are the same person you normally are."
"Generally?"
"There are a few things different. You are normally protective of me, but you are more so now. You haven't worried about your appearance and generally seem more relaxed. As a girl, you do things that are expected and some things I've noticed, you've gone to great trouble to remember to do. Since dressing as Christopher, you've been able to stop going through your reminder rituals."
"But I don't want to be a boy," said Christopher, plonking himself down on one of the benches.
"I didn't say you did. Like I said when we first started at the school, you might sometimes act a little boyish, but you have a lot of girl in you. At this school you can be who you want to be and not worry about it. It gives you the freedom to find out what truly makes you happy. So take the opportunity, just as I'm going to do, to find out who or what you want to be. There's no rush to decide now, next week or next month; we are here for four more years."
"But what happens if you stop loving me," worried Christopher.
"Stop worrying," I reassured, putting my arm around her. "Today Rachel reminded us how important it is to talk to each other. We were, but not in enough detail. If one of us has a problem with how far the other is going, then we will tell each other and we can work something out. I don't want to loose you either. I love you and I don't think I'll ever stop."
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David has a trip away, which brings back bad memories for the person he's accompanying
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 21
The pneumatic drills were better than any alarm and we were wide-awake. I looked at the clock and said, "It's about forty-five minutes before we were going to get up. If we're quick, we'll have enough time for a bike ride."
"That's not a bad idea," said Christopher. "Let's do it today as we never know what will happen tomorrow."
"Well?" asked Rachel as we sat down on the settee after our ride. We'd just had time for a quick shower before rushing to see Rachel.
"We still want to do it," confirmed Christopher. "We already chat a lot, but we will make sure that either of us is happy with what the other person's doing."
"David?"
"I agree."
"Then I will send you the details later. I will need to see you more often, once you're training gets underway. I know you are observant, so I will tell you now that I'll also be getting reports from your teachers. This is for your own protection so that I, or one of the other psychiatrists, can intervene if needed."
The smile on Christopher's face said it all. I was happy, but not ecstatic like she was. I was pleased that I might after all be the man I should have been. We hugged each other in glee, which got a cough from Rachel.
"Boys don't hug each other like that," she reminded us.
"Oh yeah," said Christopher and we gave each other a high-five.
"Oh, go and have breakfast," laughed Rachel. "You'll have a lot more to worry about than that, though it is the little things that often give a person away."
* * *
"So Christopher, are you going to tell us all what's going on?" asked Anna.
"Uh?"
"You've been like a cat sitting on a red hot roof. You can't keep still. You're also glowing."
"Well, I've been — no we've been-" started Christopher, but got all tongue-tied.
"We've been given permission to have the boy lessons," I said helping out Christopher.
"That's great news," said Paula. "When do you start?"
"We don't have the timetable yet," said Christopher, regaining his ability to speak coherently.
"If you need any more tips, then just ask," offered Lewis.
"Thanks," Christopher and I said together.
"I doubt anything will start today," I said. "Don't forget we have that practice for French speaking exam."
"Don't remind me," said Emma, shuddering at the thought.
"I thought we'd all come up with good ideas of what to say for each of our subjects," reassured Christopher. "We'll all do well."
Becky sat there, having finished her breakfast watching the conversation unfold. She wasn't saying anything, but I'm sure that the conversations would be discussed when all five of the psychiatrists had their morning meeting. I'd never been officially told they had daily meetings, or had ever seen them all together, but they each knew too much about the students for them not to.
Just as we were leaving the dining room, Julia came up to me and asked, "David, do you have anything planned for tomorrow?"
"No," I said, looking at my PDA. "I'm expecting some extra lessons, but Rachel hasn't notified me or Christopher of the dates or times."
"Excellent. Would you like to come with me tomorrow on a little excursion? I've already discussed it with Mr Hobson and Rachel and you're allowed to go. It's just up to you if you want to."
"Where are we going?"
"We're going to visit a company that provided some of the latest equipment in the school. We'd have to leave early and we'll be away for the whole day, possibly getting back after curfew."
"Can Christopher come?"
"I'm afraid not. I'm sorry to say that Christopher doesn't pass well enough. Even though you were born male, you will struggle after the habits you've gotten into."
"I've been told I didn't do well even before that," I said gravely. "I take it the company we are visiting doesn't know that the school has transsexual children."
"No, they just think it's a school with a different teaching method, to help children where other schools couldn't help. This is the same information that the children that take the tests are told."
"Yeah, that's what we were told. As long as Christopher doesn't mind, then I'll go. He's just starting to live as Christopher and I don't want to cause issues."
"Let me know by lunch."
"Yes, miss."
"What was that about?" Christopher asked as I caught up with him.
"Julia wants me to go on a trip with her tomorrow, but just me. It's to do with the school computer equipment. I'd be gone the whole day."
"I hope you said yes."
"I wanted to see how you felt first, since you wouldn't be coming with me."
"I'd be bored discussing computers and technical details all day. I'll have plenty to do all day."
"Are you sure?"
"Duh! I wouldn't have said so if I didn't mean it. We're always truthful with each other. Now send Julia a message agreeing to it before the lesson starts."
Was it lying because I didn't mention the reason Christopher couldn't go? Perhaps, but it was something Christopher already knew and didn't need rubbed in his face. As time went on there wouldn't be so much doubt for me, and hopefully Christopher will become passable. This is the second time that being Christopher has caused us to be apart.
I just managed to send the acceptance before the French lesson was brought to order. "For these practice discussions, would you like to do them in private, like the real exam, or would you like to do them in front of the class so we can learn how we each do it?"
The room then erupted in chatter as we discussed what we wanted.
"Perhaps that wasn't a good idea. Okay, let's have a show of hands. All those in favour of doing the discussions in front of the class please raise your hand."
We all raised our hands. I was nervous about it, but knew we would get the most out of it.
"Okay, I'm going to call you one by one. Once you have finished, I'll give a score to you privately and we can discuss it as a group. All I ask is that you be quiet during the test and you be constructive in the discussions."
There was a bowl on the teacher's desk with folded bits of paper in them. One was drawn and the test started. It took a while to go through all of us, but eventually we were finished. I was surprised when I was told my result; having got a score I'd never have thought possible. The surprise at the result was only passed by the surprise at how simple the French was that the questioning was done in.
"Well done all of you. You have all done extremely well and you all passed. In fact you all got the same result."
"Is the French used to question us really going to be that simple?" asked Lewis, echoing my thoughts.
"Yes, this is GCSE French. You have been engulfed in French for several weeks, and then lived in France for a week where you were able to travel without difficulty. However, I don't want you to slow down in your studies for the exam. You don't want to make silly mistakes which will grade you down."
This was the first evidence that the school did have a special teaching method. Or was it that the children that had been chosen, not only were transgendered, but also were very clever. So, perhaps that might be too difficult to say if we would have been able to excel at our old schools, if we'd not had pressure to fail.
Life didn't get any quieter. After the lesson, my PDA beeped and I wondered if it was one of the appointments to be a boy. I should have realised it wasn't, as Christopher's didn't register an appointment. It was from the vicar, wanting to meet with me before the Sunday service.
"I wonder what that's about?" pondered Christopher, when I showed him the appointment.
"I'm not sure," I replied, as I tapped away a response. "I'll ask."
The response was not that revealing, just to discuss how I was finding church. I'd been every Sunday since joining the school, apart from the time I was in France. Oh well, I'd find out the details in two days time.
The day slipped by, orchestra practice came and went without excitement, apart from the builders stopping their work so we could actually hear ourselves. Well that's what I thought, but it seems that the ground had been levelled and the base plumbing had been done.
On the Saturday the builders didn't wake us up, but the beep of my PDA. I groaned as I rubbed my eyes. It wasn't as light as it should have been.
"What's going on?" mumbled Christopher.
"Let me look," I said, grabbing the offending PDA.
'Rise and shine. I said today was a long day. Please leave your PDA in your room. See you in the entrance lobby in thirty minutes.' was the message, beaming out with unwanted happiness.
"I don't believe this," I groaned, letting my head flop back onto the pillow.
"What's going on?" demanded Christopher, now slightly more awake and a lot more upset at being disturbed. He'd obviously seen the time and wasn't happy.
"Seems I'm meeting Julia in thirty minutes for our trip out."
"Then get up and let me go back to sleep," said Christopher firmly, pushing me out of bed.
"Typical bloke," I retorted as I stumbled to my feet.
It was a good thing we'd slept in Christopher's room last night. I was able to get ready without disturbing him. Since I was going somewhere, I decided it might be a good idea to wear something smarter; not that there were any scruffy clothes in the wardrobe. I found a suit, which I tried on and quickly took it off; it wasn't something I liked the look of and it didn't feel right. Not having much time left, I found what I thought was acceptable and when I saw the image in the mirror and gave a small smile of satisfaction.
Before leaving, I went back to see Christopher, who was struggling to keep awake. I leaned across the bed and gave a goodbye kiss. Today would be the longest period of time that I'd been away from my darling and although I felt excited, I would rather have had Christopher with me.
"Hi David," greeted a rather chirpy Julia, as I walked into the entrance lobby. "You look very smart; excellent."
"Hi," I muttered, still not fully awake. The shower didn't seem to have helped too much. "Aren't we having breakfast?"
"Yes, but not here. We'll get some on the way."
"Yes, Ms Toms."
A small smile came on her face. "Well done. I'm afraid we will need to be formal today. You are young and it will be interesting when they realise you are so skilled for your age. Did you leave your PDA in your room?"
"Yes."
"Good, then you will need this," said Julia passing me one of the PDAs that we used outside of the school grounds.
I followed Julia to her car and we were soon driving in the moonlight morning out of the school. Once we were out of the gates, Julia turned on a CD and I sat back and relaxed as the miles disappeared. I'd prompted a few times for information where we were going, but Julia hadn't told me, so I decided to just wait and see.
After about fifteen minutes of driving, Julia said, "You'll need this."
I switched on the reading light, and examined the maroon booklet that she'd given me.
"A passport?" I gasped. "Are we going out of the country?"
"Out of England, but not Britain," laughed Julia at the shock in my voice. "We're going to a company just outside Edinburgh. Your passport will act as the required photo id."
"But that's Scotland."
"Yes it is," agreed Julia. "Have you ever flown before?"
"No," I said, looking through the passport. As I looked in the inside back cover I noticed it was for David Grant. So it seemed I had two passports, one for Jayne and one for David. I didn't think it was possible to have more than one passport.
"I have two passports? I didn't think that was possible."
"I once had a friend who did work in Israel and Arab countries. The home office issued her with two passports, as some Arab countries wouldn't let you in if there was a stamp in your passport from Israel."
"What about my situation?"
"I would rather you didn't ask."
"Okay. Sorry for asking, I'm just a bit nervous about flying and I'm rambling a bit."
"It's okay," Julia said. "Just relax, the flight is just a short hop and I'll be with you."
That didn't help much. When we went to France and I was with Helen, I'd wanted to fly, but now I was without my love, I was a lot more nervous. I couldn't really hold Julia's hand if I was frightened. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to remind myself that people flew every day. It didn't help that I remembered Rachel saying in the interview, that she'd helped someone who'd been trapped after a plane incident.
"Wow, I didn't expect it to be this busy," I said as we walked into the airport building. "It's not even six yet."
"At an airport, even one that isn't that big, flights get started early. The first flight from here was scheduled to leave twenty minutes ago. At an airport, check-in closes forty minutes before the flight leaves. So people would have had to be here before five. In fact, since check-in opens two hours before the flight, people will have been here since before four this morning."
"You've got to be kidding?" I said, thinking how hard it was to get up this morning.
"I'm afraid not. Just think about the international flights from somewhere like Heathrow. Some people would have travelled over two hours to get to the airport. Imagine what time they'd have to get up for an early flight."
That perked me up a bit. I couldn't imagine getting up at two in the morning just to get on a flight. I suppose my getup time wasn't too bad. Since I'd never travelled by plane before, it wasn't something I'd ever thought about.
After we'd checked in and made our way through the security gate and we settled down for a nice breakfast while we waited for our flight. I munched on the rather greasy fried bread as I thought about the flight and asked, "If check-in closes forty minutes before the flight, why were we here so early?"
"Several reasons. The first is that the traffic round this area can easily get congested. If there'd been an accident, we'd never have got here on time and we'd have missed the flight. Mr Hobson would have been quite upset. A minor reason, but still good, is that breakfast wouldn't have been served at the school and then there wouldn't have been time to have it here. You can always have a doze on the plane."
"I think I'm too nervous to fall asleep."
"I suppose you will be. At least you will be ready for the next school trip, which might require us to fly."
I was tempted to ask where the next concert would be, but I thought better of it. It wouldn't go down too well, and might be a black mark against my judgment. The trip seemed to be a bigger deal than the French one, with a sister school joining in. There was still no information where this school was, but I presume they had kids like us, as Mr Hobson wouldn't expose us to outsiders, especially year one.
My stomach started churning as we walked down the corridor to the departure gate. I began to wish that I'd not had a fried breakfast, but it was too late. However, my whole attitude changed when we arrived at the gate. Each ticket had a sequence number on it, and we stood in a queue based on the sequence number. The first sixty boarded first, then the next sixty, then the rest. It was bedlam as people jockeyed to make sure they would be first in their queue. Some even tried to get into the higher queue so they could board earlier than they should.
"In all the films I've seen, the check-in assigns the seats. This is just crazy," I pointed out to Julia.
"It sure is," she laughed. "If you think this is bad, just wait till we board."
Since we were one of the first to check-in, we were in the first group to climb the steps to the plane. The cool morning air hit me as we left the terminal building to walk across the tarmac to the plane. For a summer morning, the temperature still felt cool. I was glad I was wearing trousers and not a skirt like Julia. I must admit that Julia did look very professional in her ladies suit. I on the other hand, was just wearing a light pair of trousers, a short-sleeved shirt and a light jacket.
Since it was a Saturday, there weren't as many people in suits as I presume there would be during the week. I was again laughing to myself as I saw people buzzing around. Getting just the right seat seemed so ludicrous, as there wouldn't be much difference in time for them getting off.
"Would you like a window seat?" asked Julia.
"Please," I replied. I was still nervous, but now I could see the world and experience seeing the area like I'd never seen it before.
The plane journey was uneventful. I got to see great views of the countryside when taking off and great views of Edinburgh's suburbs as we were landing. However, I was a little sad that we were too high to see anything during the journey.
"So, how did you find your first flight?" asked Julia, as we walked through the terminal building.
"It wasn't that bad," I said. "I think the chaotic way things are run took my mind off things. I know it's a cheap, no frills airline, but —"
"If we fly abroad, it won't be with such a small company. You won't be flying business class as there are too many of you, but they are certainly more organised."
"You certainly seem to know where you're going," I commented as we weaved our way through the airport and out towards the taxi area.
"I've been here twice before. Though the last time was early January this year, I was called away with an emergency after only an hour."
"Let's hope we manage the whole day," I said. As we were driven to our destination, I sat and racked my brain. Something about the beginning of the year and Julia rang a bell, but I couldn't think of the details.
After forty minutes of driving, we arrived at our destination. I was expecting a factory, but this appeared to be an old Victorian house just near the city centre.
"Is this a house?" I asked as we climbed out of the taxi.
"It probably used to be, but all these buildings are now offices. Shall we go in and see Mr Burns?"
"Okay," I acknowledged, trying to get the picture of Mr Burns from the Simpsons out of my head. I was now expecting to see a thin old man and almost laughed when I eventually saw him. He was a balding man, with a slight beer belly and a greying beard.
"Ah Julia," he said in a thick American accent. "It is good to see you again."
"And you, Monty."
"Who's this charming, er," Mr Burns's eyes flickered over me, "person with you?"
"This is David. Don't let his age fool you. He knows nearly as much about computers as me."
"It's a pleasure meeting you David," said Mr Burns offering his hand. I took it and gently shook it.
"If you both follow me, I have a meeting room with some samples of upgrades. We then can discuss your requirements. You said on the phone that you needed some additional equipment."
"Yes, but let's wait till we are in the meeting room to discuss things in peace."
We went up a flight of narrow stairs and into a room. As we sat down, Mr Burns pressed a few buttons and said, "Okay, the room is now secured and we can discuss things privately."
I tried to hide the look of surprise on my face, but it must have shown as Julia said, "They specialise in supplying top of the range computer and electrical equipment to the government, military and large companies. The discussions therefore have to secure for security reasons."
On the table in front of us, was a plate of biscuits. On the separate table, to one side, were more biscuits, a coffee pot and a teapot.
"Can I offer you some drinks?" asked Mr Burns.
"Coffee please. White, no sugar," said Julia.
"I'm fine," I said, not really into tea or coffee.
"Would you prefer an orange?" Mr Burns asked. "We have some."
"If it's not too much trouble," I replied, slightly overwhelmed by the attention we were getting.
"Let me go and get a jug of orange," he said and disappeared.
"Relax," said Julia to me. "You'll be fine. I want you to remember that we are the customer and we are about to spend a lot of money with this company. They will bend over backwards for us."
"I didn't think companies like this opened on a Saturday?"
"They will open any time you want, when they think they will get a large order."
Mr Burns came back with a jug of fresh orange juice and several glasses. As he poured some out for me, he said to Julia. "How's your family doing? When you were here in January you had to leave quickly due to an accident. Are they all okay?"
Julia's face clouded over and looked rather sad. "My spouse died in the accident. My two children are doing fine. My youngest is now in one of the top youth orchestras in Europe. My eldest has been offered a place to train as a chef in one of the country's finest kitchens."
"I'm sorry to hear about your husband," said Mr Burns, the joviality removed from his face.
"You didn't know," placated Julia.
Julia's husband? Julia had a wife who died in the accident. I presume she didn't correct Mr Burns so not to arouse suspicion. What an awful web of lies she must have to spin to cover up her past. Is she that frightened at what others might think? I suppose it's valid. I was treated badly when others thought I was different, and others in my year were not allowed to be themselves. What an awful life.
There was then an awkward silence, as the conversation dried up.
"I take it this is the new design of PDA," I said trying to get things moving again.
"Ah yes," said Mr Burns. "They are slightly quicker and have longer battery life."
Julia picked one up and balanced it in the palm of her hand, as if she was trying to measure its weight.
"This feels about the same weight as our current model?"
"About the same," agreed Mr Burns. "It might be slightly lighter, but not much."
"Last time we visited, you mentioned to June that you were working on a lighter model."
"Yes, we were. That is due out next week. It is lighter, but it won't have the new longer battery life. In fact, battery life will be roughly the same as your current model."
"What about PDA groupings? Currently we have six different groupings, one for each year and another for the teachers. At the time that was the limit to the management software."
"With the new models due out next week, we have an upgrade for the backend management software. How many extra groupings do you want?"
"An extra nine groups. The visitors have eight years and then the teachers. It would be nice if we could give secondary groups, so the teachers and years can cross group."
After messing around with the PDA's when we went to France, I had a good idea what Julia was talking about. However, I was very surprised when she said that the visitors would have eight years. If they finished at the same time, then the youngest would be ten when they started school.
"Would you like to see a sample of the new lighter PDA? I have one in the testing labs. I'm sorry but I can't take you into the labs, as there are some confidential things being developed for another customer."
"I understand," said Julia. "If you can bring it in here, that should be fine."
The rest of the day went on, very much the same. We were shown new equipment and modified items. Julia was keeping a tally and seemed very happy how things were going. I was given free rein to test the equipment and found it a pleasure. Some of the glitches that currently existed were removed.
"Ms Toms," I said after playing with the new PDA for a while. "It looks like the scan and interlink function has been removed."
"You use that?" said Mr Burns, having heard my comment.
"Well how else can we find and download to the travel version?" queried Julia. "We use that facility a lot. If it isn't there, then I'm not sure if we can upgrade to your new models."
"Let me get one of the designers in here," said Mr Burns, suddenly worried, as he could see us not wanting to upgrade our current items.
"Well done David," smiled Julia.
The issue was resolved, but it took a while. The facility was still there, but had been hidden during testing. By late afternoon the discussions had turned from technical to financial. What items would be ordered, and in what quantities. This was less interesting to me, but I stuck with it. If June had been trusted to finish off the discussions seven months ago, then I wanted to make sure I had the same level of knowledge.
By six we were finished and were climbing in a taxi. I felt knackered. I'd had a lot of fun, but there was a serious side to today. I'd helped Julia just spend a fortune and she didn't seem fazed.
"Where can I take you ladies?" asked the taxi driver.
"The airport," said Julia, not correcting him that I was a boy.
As we got closer to the airport, the gloomier Julia got. Her happy face, when we set off had never been the same since Mr Burns had reminded her about her wife. As we approached the airport, the place where she'd rushed to get a plane home, what must have been going through her mind?
"Julia," I said, knowing it was breaking the rules, but I didn't want to sound formal at a time like this. "Will you be okay?"
"Of course," she replied, trying to put on a smile.
I wasn't convinced, especially when I saw her face as we drew up outside the airport. After checking in, things weren't getting any better. I tried to engage her in small talk regarding how Beth was doing, but only got monosyllabic responses.
"I'm just going to nip to the gents," I informed Julia. "I might be a while."
"Okay," she said absent-mindedly. I wonder if she'd have said anything different if I'd told her I was going to go to the moon. I doubt it.
The gents were one of the area's I knew that Julia couldn't follow and therefore I was able to make this call without her knowing.
"Hi, Rachel, it's David."
"David, what's wrong?" she asked sounding concerned.
"How did you know something was wrong?"
"Because you wouldn't be ringing me otherwise. You also sound a bit stressed."
"The person we went to see asked how Ms Toms family was. She had to explain that her 'husband' was dead."
"Oh," said Rachel, not really saying anything. "How did that go down?"
"She was upset, but coped during the day. However, since leaving the company she is getting worse. I think she keeps reliving that day in her mind. Especially at the moment, with the wait at Edinburgh airport for the plane to go home."
"Is there any way you can distract her?" asked Rachel.
"I've tried to talk to her, but she isn't really paying attention."
"What would happen if someone tried to attack the schools computers?"
"Her PDA would inform her and she'd fix it," I said. "Are you thinking that would distract her?"
"Yes, leave it with me. I know someone that would love to help."
"I think I know who you mean," I said. "She was a student last year and was helping with the building?"
"How did you guess," laughed Rachel and then soberly said, "I'll come and pick up Julia after your plane lands. Stacy will collect you, so I can have a private chat with Julia; see if we can keep this quiet."
"Thanks Rachel. See you tonight."
After talking with Rachel, I decided that I did need the toilet so was delayed even longer. By the time I'd finished Julia was hard at work blocking an attack against the school network. Julia had fished out her laptop and hooked it over the airport public wifi network to the school.
"Are you okay, Ms Toms?" I asked seeing her working away.
"Fending off a computer attack," she said.
For the next thirty minutes Julia beavered away, her mind no longer thinking about events she could do nothing about. Instead she seemed fully alert.
"David, there's a hack attack happening. I'm fending things off, and closing certain things down. Can you double check the second firewall security to make sure there aren't any security holes exposed. I'm not sure how they've managed to get past our primary firewall. I've blocked them for now, but until then I need you to act as rear guard."
"Okay," I said whipping out my PDA. It was awkward using that, rather than a full computer, but I managed and just before boarding commenced, Julia had established how they got in and sealed it.
"How did they manage to get in?" I asked as we took our seats on the plane.
"There was a security hole found a few hours ago which they exploited. They managed to get past the primary firewall, but wouldn't have got passed the secondary one, due to them being different firewalls, using different hardware and operating systems."
"So did you patch it?"
"There isn't an official patch out yet," sighed Julia. "But I've worked around the issue, so they should be secure till we're back at school."
The flight was uneventful. Julia made sure I was okay with the takeoff, but as the flight progressed she became more brooding. As we walked from the plane to the luggage carousal, I saw the first tear fall silently down her face.
"Julia," I hissed. "We're nearly there. Can you hold it in till we're at the car?"
Julia must have heard as she wiped the moisture away and said, "Come on, let's get you back to school."
"We need to sort out the network," I said, trying to distract her mind again.
"I'll sort it," she croaked. "It's half-ten now. You'll be going to bed."
"It'll be gone eleven when I'm home," I pondered slightly out loud.
"Do you feel the school is home?"
"Yes, I suppose so. I have done since the French trip. I'll be living there fulltime for the next five years. In some respects I feel like the others at the school are family."
We walked out of customs into the main arrivals area. There waiting was Rachel and Stacy.
"Julia," said Rachel. "After a hard day spending money, I thought you would like to go for a drink. Stacy offered to take David home."
I didn't say anything, but all the pubs would be closed at this time. Julia just nodded and went with Rachel.
"Come on kiddo," said Stacy to me.
"Thanks sis," I said, giving Stacy a hug.
"Sis?"
"You're like a big sister to me."
"Thanks," said Stacy, a small lump in her throat. We walked quickly through the night air to Stacy's car. Rachel would drive Julia's back to the school.
"Did anything happen today at the school?" I asked as the car ate up the miles.
"Not really, but be warned, Christopher was pining for you this evening."
"Pining?" I said. "Not just missing?"
"I might be wrong, so don't do anything silly."
"I won't dream of it. Anyway it's against the rules."
"That is one rule that nobody at the school has ever managed to keep. Thirteen is a bit young, but you two will know when the time is right for you. As a big sister, I'd tell you to wait."
"Thanks. Now I'm very nervous."
Stacy accompanied me to the room, as it was past curfew. I opened the bedroom door and there was Helen, not Christopher, waiting for me. She was sprawled across the settee, wearing not very much.
The next morning, a very tired Christopher accompanied me to breakfast. The others in the year said nothing, but from our smiles, I'm sure they knew what had happened. Keith certainly had, as he told us both in a very grave voice, to report to Rachel after breakfast.
For more information regarding the basis of Julia's issue, read A Strange Attraction to Concrete Cows
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The consequences of breaking the school rules.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 22
"We have an appointment with Rev Trent before Church," I said lamely, trying to stifle a yawn.
Keith pressed a few buttons on his PDA and said, "Now the appointment is after church. You will see Dr Ruiz after breakfast."
The others looked on, not saying anything. It was very clear that we were in hot water.
After breakfast, with whispers of 'good luck' still ringing in our ears, we made our way slowly to Rachel's office. Before we knocked on the door, Christopher leaned across and gave me a kiss and squeezed my hand.
"Just be truthful," I suggested.
"I will," Christopher replied. "I think that’s a good idea."
"Enter," the brisk response came, after we knocked.
We entered, our hands firmly clasped together, ready to face our fate. Mr Hobson was sat next to Rachel, behind her desk.
"Please sit opposite us," said Rachel. There was no sitting in the nice comfortable settee, but we were told to sit in what looked like rather stiff chairs.
"To start with, I'd like to thank you David, for the way you handled yourself yesterday. Rachel was able to chat with Ms Toms and start more of the healing process. It seems she'd been bottling up her grief. Yesterday triggered the start of the release and once started takes a life of its own. Ms Toms will be having some time off work, so she can come to terms with her loss. Dr Ruiz will be there for her when needed, but probably more of a friend rather than a counsellor.
"Ms Toms never put me in any danger," I said, trying to defend Julia. "She became upset at times, but always made sure I was safe. Even on the way back when she was at her worst, she made sure that I wasn't upset with my plane journey. Yesterday was my first flights and Ms Toms made sure I was comfortable and calmed my nerves at every stage."
"I'm glad to hear it," said Mr Hobson. "And your praise of Ms Toms is noted. However, Ms Toms isn't in trouble; she is just being made aware that there are times where she should ask for help."
I was glad that Julia was okay and it had taken my mind off the reason we were summoned. I wasn't to escape from that for long.
"Christopher and David, on the first day at the school you were told certain school rules. One of those rules was that you had to keep your underwear on when alone. Did you break that rule?"
"Yes," I replied, my head lowered in shame.
"Oh. Did you have sex?"
"Not really."
Rachel and Mr Hobson looked at each other in a quizzical manner. I don't think I'd been very clear and they were trying to understand what I meant.
"Did you, or did you not engage in sexual intercourse?" bristled Mr Hobson.
"If you mean, did David stick his thing into me, then no, we didn't," said Christopher, gently squeezing my hand.
"I think I can handle it from here," said Rachel who had been watching us like a hawk.
"Yes, it only looks like a minor issue compared to what was estimated," agreed Mr Hobson. "Unless anything else comes up, your punishment will be a lot lighter than it would have been. I am ordering the interconnecting door sealed for two nights. Unless there is an emergency, you are not to set foot in each others rooms. Is that clear?"
"Yes Sir," we said quietly in unison.
"I am quite disappointed in you both. You are both year leaders as well as getting involved in other activities. You are expected to set an example to others in your year. I know you’re only thirteen so I'm making allowances, but please try to keep to the rules; it is less painful for us all."
"Yes Sir," we both said, feeling chastised.
Mr Hobson got up and left us both alone with Rachel who said, "Okay, now we are alone, let's discuss last night. Christopher, how far did things go?"
"We spent the night cuddling, kissing and stroking each other. I suppose we were exploring each other," replied a very red faced Christopher. I was glad Rachel had asked Christopher as I was about to explode with embarrassment. I just wanted the ground to open up and swallow me.
"So you got involved in some heavy petting," she said as if she heard these things every day. "Did David just kiss you on the mouth or other parts of your body?"
"Other parts," replied a mortified Christopher.
"Including your genitalia?"
"Please stop," I pleaded. "Don't we have a right to privacy?"
"Yes you do, when you don't break the rules. Now, did David kiss you on your genitalia?"
"Yes," said Christopher reluctantly. "He also licked me down there."
"Did you enjoy it?"
I couldn't believe that Rachel was asking such questions, but Christopher was obviously remembering last night as a big grin came on his face. Rachel didn’t say anything but continued to scribble notes on her pad. At no point did her expression change.
"It's approaching time for Church, which I understand you both attend. After your meeting with Rev Trent, I would like a chat with David. Christopher, while I'm chatting with David I'd like you to go and see Dr Sue.”
"Yes Miss," we both said and fled from her office as quickly as we could. I don't think I'd ever been so embarrassed.
"Are you okay?" Christopher asked me as we walked towards the chapel.
"I think so," I replied. "How could she ask such questions without batting an eyelid?"
"Must be her job. I suppose she’s trained to remain unemotional."
"Detached is the word."
"How do you know?"
"When I worked out Rachel was a psychiatrist, I read up on what they do. Very interesting subject."
"You're nuts," was all Christopher said as we slipped into the school chapel.
Jill and Anna had been to church since they'd joined the school, but none of the other year one student had. Today was an exception as they were all there.
"Are you okay?" asked Paula.
"We're fine," I answered quietly. "Rachel thought we'd had sex, so was on the warpath."
"Didn't you?" asked a surprised Brian.
"No we didn't, though we did come close. We did break one rule though, so we do have a punishment. Our interconnecting doors are sealed for two nights. Rachel has scheduled appointments for me to see her and Christopher to see Dr Sue, so we won't be around till lunch."
The vicar arrived and we all rushed to be seated. The extra pupils didn't escape the notice of the vicar who said, "We normally only get a full house at Christmas, so it's nice that we have new faces today. I hope you enjoy the service and come again."
The service was bright, cheerful and uplifting, just as it usually was. I'd not been brought up in a family that attended church and I think they would’ve been quite surprised at me attending each Sunday. In fact they'd probably be very surprised at a lot of things that I got up to at this school.
After the service the vicar always hung around the back of the church to speak with any of the children that wanted a quick chat. Christopher and I chatted with the others from our year while we waited. Gradually the students from the other years drifted away and the vicar came across.
"It’s really good to see how the students standby each other in times of need. The sense of community is something that a lot of vicars miss. I have it in bucket loads. I'm aware some of you came to support David and Christopher and might not be back. That’s fine, but remember you’re always welcome and if any of you want a private chat then I'm usually available. But that's enough of the sales pitch. You two finish up with your friends and meet me when you’re ready in my office."
"He seems really cool," remarked Emma as the vicar disappeared. "I used to go to church with my elder sister and her daughter. The vicar there used to be nice and I was always worried that it wouldn't be as nice here."
"Hey, I don't mind going with you," said Paula.
"The vicar will be pleased to have more students listening to him. Perhaps we ought to get into trouble more often," I laughed.
"Not a chance," said Christopher. "I don't want to go through that interrogation again. At least I get to see nice Dr Sue. You have to have more time being asked embarrassing questions."
"Don't remind me," I said, the smile quickly disappearing from my face. "Anyway, let's go and see what the vicar wants, so we can finish off the other stuff before lunch. I'd hate to miss my Sunday roast."
"You've been coming to the church for over a month. How are you finding it?" asked the vicar when we’d settled in his office.
"I feel very comfortable with a lot of it, but there’s a lot I don't understand. There was mention last week about the Holy Trinity."
"That's very understandable as you don’t have a lot of the background. I've been thinking about running a Youth Alpha course, which explains and discusses things like that. It's especially geared to children aged eleven to eighteen, so it will be brilliant for you."
"What about kids like me who've been going to church a lot?" Christopher asked.
"Some use it as a type of confirmation class. To make sure that confirmation is what they want."
"I'm not even baptised, let alone do confirmation classes," I laughed.
"You aren't the first person that isn’t baptised. Is it something you would like?
"Probably, but I'd like to do the course and see how I get on. It won't stop me being able to come to church, will it?"
"Of course not. I think it's wonderful that you are thinking about things so rationally. It's rare that an adult thinks things through, let alone a child. I wasn't trying to pressure you, just make sure that you were happy."
"I don't think I've ever been happier. Not just with the church, but with school and my life."
"I'm glad, but never forget your roots. They are very important in who you are. You are growing and finding your own feet, but your parents are who helped you become the person you are today. They are the ones that taught you to talk, read and gain the personality have. You are both very special children and if you need anybody to talk to, not just about religious things, then I'm here."
"Thanks," Christopher and I said together.
By the time I made my way to Rachel's office, we'd chatted with the vicar for a good half hour. As I knocked on her door my stomach gave little flips
Rachel popped her head round the door. "Can you please wait a few minutes," requested Rachel.
"Sure," I replied and she closed the door behind her.
Those five minutes felt like five hours. I stood there waiting, the butterflies in my stomach gradually getting worse. Thoughts flashed through my mind about what awful punishment she was concocting while I waited. It was just over eight minutes when the door swung open and a very happy Stacy walked out followed by Andy, who looked almost as happy.
"Your turn," she said. If her face lit up any further you would see her glow for miles.
I didn't get chance to ask her what her obvious good news was before I was being ushered into the room. This time I was offered a seat on the settee rather than the stiff chairs.
"Is Stacy okay?" I asked as I sat down.
"Oh yes, she is just very happy with what I just told her. I'm sure the reason will become obvious over the next few weeks, so no prying."
"Yes Rachel. Why did you want to see me without Christopher?"
"A good question. How are you finding it back as David?"
"It's great."
"Are you enjoying it?"
"Oh yes."
"That’s great to hear. Now about last night-"
I screwed up my eyes trying to block out the expected telling off. It didn't come. Instead she waited till I peeped out.
"I take it that Christopher-"
"It was definitely Helen and not Christopher last night."
"You are aware that they are the same person, don't you?"
"They might be the same physical person, but they do act differently."
"Okay, we'll discuss that another time. I take it that Helen tried to initiate having sex?"
"It takes two people to have sex, not one. We were pleased to see each other. Helen had been worried about me and was relieved. One thing just led to another. We didn't do it on purpose."
"I know you didn't," reassured Rachel. "But that is how unplanned pregnancies can occur."
"Oh."
"But you didn’t have sex. Why?"
"Because I nearly puked," I blurted out really not wanting to discuss it.
"So this was worse than when you were just excited?"
All I could do was nod. Just the memory of my feelings made me feel ill. From nowhere Rachel pulled out a biscuit tin, took off the lid and offered it to me. I peered inside and took a ginger biscuit.
"Just nibble it," suggested Rachel.
"Thanks. Is there something wrong with me?"
"You are just you. People react differently to all sorts of situations. Sure, this is unusual and a bit extreme, but I wouldn't worry about it as I doubt you will try to have sex again, will you?!"
"No, Dr Ruiz,” I quickly replied. Rachel didn’t look too sure though.”
"So what was Helen's reaction when you stopped?"
"She saw how ill I looked and she stopped me. She made me put back on my underwear so I couldn't see myself or do anything that would cause me issues."
"Then she begged you to continue?"
"No. I decided to do what I did. Helen had looked after me over her own fun. I just wanted to do something that would show her how grateful I was."
"The rules are there to protect you," sighed Rachel. "You are already being punished for breaking the rules, so I don't need to elaborate any further."
"Yes, miss."
"Would you like to talk about it more now, or would you like to wait till tomorrow?"
"Do I have to? I know what I did was wrong. I don’t really want to discuss it anymore."
"I'm talking about your reaction, not what happened. What you did was wrong, but I'm sure that you will break the rules again; it is very difficult to stop things like that when you have enjoyed yourselves so much."
"But it won't happen again," I pleaded, not really wanting to discuss it. “How can you say I liked it, I was nearly ill.”
“True, but you liked pleasing Helen and you saw how much she liked what you did. Can you promise me faithfully that you’ll never do it again?”
I opened my mouth but nothing came out.
"So I take that as a tomorrow then. Say at eleven?"
I just nodded, resigned in the knowledge that this was a fight I was going to lose.
"Would you prefer it to be alone, or would you like Christopher to be with you?"
"Christopher to be with me. I have no secrets from him. I'll be telling him all about our chat anyway."
"Good. I'm glad you have learnt that lesson well. So I'll see you both at eleven tomorrow."
I walked out of her room and after closing the door breathed a sigh. It hadn't been an easy session and I wasn't looking forward to tomorrow. Christopher, I noted after doing a special lookup on the PDA, was in the common room. Sunday lunch was rapidly approaching and I was glad that my chat didn't make me miss that. You'd think that nearly six weeks at the school I'd be used to the food, but not yet in my case. The thought of roast lamb made my mouth water. I was too late to chat in private with Christopher and all we could do was reassure each other that we were both okay.
Before lunch started Mr Hobson rose to his feet and said, “I’m overjoyed to announce an affirmation ceremony between Fran and Ingrid is to take place in two weeks time. If any of you know any reason why this should not happen then you have a week to let me know. Are there any open objections now?”
There was a pause where not a sound could be heard. After about ten seconds, which to the happy couple must have felt a lot longer, Mr Hobson continued, “Excellent, now if year five can do the honours.”
I sat back and watched as the eight eldest students made their way to the kitchen area and returned with flutes half full of champagne, which were quickly distributed. I saw the confused look on others in our year and realised that most didn’t understand what was happening.
“Only one member of Fran and Ingrid’s official party has so far been decided, so I ask the head bridesmaid to do the toast.”
Stacy stood with a big grin plastered over her face, “This has been the first time I’ve ever been asked to be a bridesmaid, let alone head bridesmaid, so I wish to thank both Fran and Ingrid for giving me the honour. Would everybody please stand and raise their glasses to Fran and Ingrid and hope their Search of Finding is a lot less ‘fun’ than when I did it. To Fran and Ingrid.”
“To Fran and Ingrid,” echoed the response.
“From the blank looks on a few of your faces, I’d say that a few things need explaining,” I said as we started our meal.
“You mean you understood that?” asked Jessica.
“The affirmation ceremony is where the two students commit themselves to each other. Rather like a wedding. Obviously they can’t be legally married due to age and potentially gender — I’ve no idea of Fran or Ingrid’s birth sex.”
“How did you find this out?” asked Sam.
“Do you remember when Tim and Andrea showed us round the school, well I found out they had the same surname and I asked. The Search of Finding sounds like something they have to do, rather like some of the tasks in a Hindu wedding. Perhaps Keith could explain?”
“You and Christopher never cease to amaze me,” laughed Keith who had been listening to our conversation.
“Huh?”
“The affirmation ceremony is something the school holds very dearly and is not written about anywhere. It is not something that a student would reveal unless very specifically queried about. Anyway the Search of Finding is something they will do. It is a way for them to show that the hearts and desires of there partner is more important than their own. What happens is a closely guarded secret, so anybody taking part can’t have prior knowledge and enter the task blind.”
“Is it dangerous?” asked Paula.
“Of course not. Remember one of the priorities of the school is to look after the welfare of their students. Okay, sorry David and Christopher for picking on you, but it's one of the joys of being year leaders. David, do you love Christopher?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Prove it.”
I opened my mouth to say something, but I quickly closed it. I knew my feelings of both Christopher and Helen, heck they were the same person. How could I prove it to others? Giving chocolates, flowers, kisses or cuddles were just a way of expressing feelings, but not proof. What happened last night was a physical thing and although pleasurable is just that.
“I don’t know how to. There are tokens of love, like flowers, but anybody could send flowers, they aren’t proof.”
“What about how you put your partner before yourself?” offered Anna.
“Perhaps,” nodded Keith, “but what about a soldier putting his live to save others? He is doing it as a sense of duty, not for love. Anyway, I don’t want someone killing themselves to prove love.”
“So this Search of Finding is a way to prove that they love each other?”
“No, not really, it sort of goes beyond that. By the time you're ready for such a commitment you'll know how deeply and how much you love each other. No, it is about possibly finding out something new about each other and cementing the love and commitment. I know I’m being vague, but that is deliberate because you won’t find out until it is something you do.”
As we finished lunch Sam said, “I need to take some books back to the library. I know we all planned to watch that sci-fi series that Jessica found on the system. Is there any chance we can delay thirty minutes?”
“I have some stuff to do as well,” said Emma. “Why don’t we do our own stuff and get together in thirty minutes?”
Christopher and I quickly disappeared outside and decided to walk along one of the paths away from the school. It wasn’t one of the cycle ones so we knew we wouldn’t be disturbed with anybody taking a Sunday afternoon ride.
“How did it go with Dr Sue?” I asked after filling in Christopher.
“A lot easier than it was for you. She took some blood samples to make sure that the contraceptive was working correctly, she also counselled me about having sex at our age.”
“Did she tell you off?”
“She wasn’t at all judgemental and seemed to be more worried that I was physically and mentally okay. Just like Rachel made sure that you’d not be forced, Dr Sue was the same for me.”
“Are you okay coming with me tomorrow?”
“Of course,” replied Christopher like I was asking the stupidest question in the world. “I doubt that it is going to be pleasant for you and I want to be there to comfort you if needed.”
“Perhaps we should just cancel.”
“Firstly, I doubt that Rachel would let you and secondly, I think it is something you need. You admitted yourself that it seems strange how you get sick when aroused. I think it would do you good to try and understand why. That way we can avoid making you ill.”
The rest of the day went quickly, there never seemed to be a moment to brood about the impending split. At first I thought it was just coincidence but the more I thought about it, in the little time I had to think, the more I thought differently.
“Thank you,” I said to the others as the clock approached curfew.
“For what?”
“For keeping me from going insane. I suspect that you have all been busy keeping me and Christopher entertained, so we didn’t have time to think about our forced separation.
“Your welcome,” said Jill. “I remember what it was like when I watched Anna move and I didn’t want you suffering the same. Just remember it is only two nights and the quicker you go to sleep the quicker you’ll see each other.”
We made our way slowly up the stairs and after the others had disappeared into their rooms, gave each other a long and lingering kiss before reluctantly separating for the night. This would be the first night we’d been apart since we’d got together.
Sleep didn’t come easily. In fact it didn’t come at all. At first I just lay there, thinking about how unfair the punishment was. As I closed my eyes, knowing that the next day was lessons, all I could see was visions of Helen and Christopher. I tried not to, but it was all too much and I started to cry.
After a time, I gradually got a hold of my emotions and became more aware of my surroundings. Faintly, in the distance, I heard crying and after a moment recognised it. It was Christopher. Well actually it sounded like Helen, who at the moment sounded like what I’d been going through. All the tips she’d been given on how to sound more masculine had disappeared and she was in the middle of a deep and emotional upheaval.
I tried to open the interconnecting door but it was sealed. I banged on the door and shouted, “Are you okay?” but I got no response and the crying just continued.
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David and Christopher come up with a solution to their punishment. One of the schools traditions is explained for the first time to all the year one students.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 23
Since we both slept with our PDA's beside us, I jumped on my bed and dialled my darlings PDA.
"Are you okay?" I asked. What a stupid question, of course things weren't okay, but I couldn't think of anything better to ask. Helen had gained a little control and was trying to talk like Christopher.
"I heard you crying and it set me off. I feel so guilty."
"Why?" I asked puzzled
"Because you made me so happy and now we are apart."
"I did what I did to you because I wanted to. I'm glad you enjoyed it."
"Even though we are in trouble?"
"Look, stop worrying about it. Yes, I'm lonely and I'm missing you, but at the end of the day it is only two nights. I will see you in the morning for breakfast. Now remember what Jill said to me earlier, the sooner we go to sleep the sooner we see each other."
"Can we talk a bit longer? I miss my family so much and being with you keeps me happy."
"I've known you for years, but I still don't know much about your family. Why don't you tell me about them?"
I placed the phone on the pillow next to me, laid down and we talked about our childhoods and families. Eventually exhaustion overtook me and I drifted off to sleep. I awoke to the alarm and found the PDA was still connected.
"Are you awake?" I gently asked.
"Only just," came the sweet and gentle reply of Helen.
"Voice," I reminded.
"Oops, is that better?" Christopher queried slipping back into the slightly more masculine sound. It was far from perfect, but there was a distinction.
"Yes, sorry I fell asleep last night."
"I was about to say the same. I don't remember you nodding off."
"Nor me you. How much sleep do you think we got?"
"I'm not sure, but I'm sure it wasn't enough, especially after us having little the night before."
"Let's go for a quick bike ride before breakfast as planned."
"Okay, but let's take it easy, as we'll tire easily."
As I walked out of the bedroom door, Christopher was coming out of his. I turned off my phone link as we would again be together till our last night of forced separation. The phone instantly beeped showing I'd two missed calls, both were from Rachel; Christopher had the same. Since no messages were left we ignored them and had a gentle ride. Over the last few weeks my stamina had increased and I wasn't so tired at the end.
At breakfast Dan saw our faces and asked, "A bad night?"
At first I thought he was being facetious, but when I looked up through my tired eyes, I saw his concern was genuine.
"It was probably one of the worst nights I've ever had," I replied.
"Me too," replied Christopher sadly. "I don't think it would have been so bad if David had been away, but knowing he was only in the next room just made it unbearable."
"I'll make sure that Rachel is aware, but don't expect your separation tonight to change."
Lessons during the day were difficult as I wasn't as alert as I normally was, so I set my PDA to record the teacher and would review at a later stage. 'I really do need to get a good night sleep tonight,' I thought to myself.
At eleven we went to see Rachel and it is an experience I'd sooner forget. Things started well then got a bit tortuous but I feel so embarrassed at how they ended.
"I take it that you didn't sleep well last night?" opened Rachel when we'd taken our positions on the settee.
"It was very hard," Christopher confirmed. "Knowing the person you love is just next door didn't help at all. I heard David crying and it started me off."
"It is a punishment to remind you both that sharing your bed is not an invitation to get up to inappropriate behaviour. You are both still under the age of sixteen and the school can't condone sex. However, we are also aware that it was too difficult, so I have spoken with Jill and Anna. Tonight Christopher will sleep in a sleeping bag in Anna's room and David; you will sleep in a sleeping bag in Jill's room."
"That is very kind," I said. "However, we came up with our own solution which seemed to help."
"Which was?"
"I rang Christopher and we kept the call connected. It didn't cost the school anything as it is all over the local network, but it meant we could be together emotionally even if it couldn't be physically."
"That is certainly the first time I've known somebody do that at this school," smiled Rachel. "Is that why I couldn't get hold of either of you?"
"Probably, though I thought that you have an override to interrupt any calls?"
"Like all of the psychiatrists here, I do have that ability, but it is something we only use in a dire emergency."
"How did you know that we were okay, and that we weren't going to kill ourselves?"
"Firstly you might have been upset, but neither of you seemed suicidal. Also your emotional levels were being monitored electronically and would have awoken me if things were even approaching that kind of level."
I thought about making a fuss about privacy, but I was too tired. Anyway it would have been a lie as I agreed that in situations which might be stressful things like that should happen. "We aren't monitored all the time, are we?"
"Of course not. It only happens when we worry about suicide. We didn't think you would, but we needed to see how you reacted. I'd rather be safe than sorry. You will probably be monitored tonight and then it will be turned off. I'm only monitoring your emotions. I don't have the ability to see or hear into your room. So will you both be okay in your own rooms tonight with the ability to stay in contact with each other?"
"I will," I replied. "What about you darling?"
"I'd prefer to sleep in my own bed," said Christopher, smiling when I called her darling.
"Now Christopher, how do you like living as a male?"
"It's okay I suppose. There are some good things, but I would hate to live like it all the time."
"What do you like about being Christopher over Helen?"
"I don't really know," he blurted out quickly.
"Well, have a think," prompted Rachel not accepting any unconsidered answer. "Take as much time as you need."
" I suppose I don't have to worry about acting feminine all the time. I can be a bit rougher and show frustration more. It seems more the expected thing to protect others."
"Like Jayne?"
"I suppose."
"But apart from mix-up-Monday you've never been Christopher when I've been Jayne," I added and got a glare from Rachel.
"Do you always think of me as Jayne?" I asked ignoring Rachel's looks.
"Not really."
"You do, don't you?" I pressed.
"David, that's enough," said Rachel firmly.
"Yes," he said starting to get upset.
Christopher jumped up, letting go of me and dashed towards the door taking me totally by surprise. When he grabbed hold of the handle, to fling the door open, he found it locked.
"What? Am I a prisoner now?" he asked angrily, his fists clenched as if he'd hit the first person to go near him.
"No," calmly said Rachel, still in her chair. "I won't let you go out that upset. You can either sit down and talk about it, or stay there and once you're calm I'll unlock the door."
"We've not really started boy lessons yet," I said thinking quickly as I rose from the settee. "You said before that I used to act more like a girl than a boy, so it is perfectly understandable that you think that. You might think differently when I've had the lessons."
Christopher just stood there looking at me, but he had loosened his fists a bit.
"The only difference between Jayne and David and the moment is clothes," I reassured approaching him. "I'm not upset with you and I think it is nice that you want to protect me."
"You do?"
I was now right in front of him. "Yes, I love you."
At that point Christopher crumbled and I had to virtually drag him back to the settee. I might have been biologically male, but I certainly wasn't the strongest person in the world. When we made it to the settee we were both in each other's arms, each protecting the other from the torture of truth.
"Christopher, if David can be feminine and not worry about it, why can't Helen be more masculine?" continued Rachel as if the raucous of the last few minutes hadn't happened.
"Because it would seem odd."
"Why?"
"It isn't the done thing, for a girl to protect a boy."
"Leaving to one side that you think of David as female, which would be a girl protecting a girl, why is it wrong for a girl to protect a boy."
"Because it isn't ladylike," explained Christopher, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.
"Ladylike?"
"My mum used to say that climbing trees, stomping around and protecting others weren't very ladylike things. She said that I wouldn't be a very nice person if I wasn't ladylike and nobody would love me."
"Do I love you any less when you are like that?" I asked.
"Suppose not."
"Then why shut that out from Helen? I love it when you protect me, it make me feel all warm and wanted."
"Your boy lessons start next Monday, so I want the following to occur till then. Tomorrow and Wednesday I want to see Helen back, but with Christopher's attitude-"
"I can't," interrupted Christopher. "It wouldn't be right."
"Why not?"
"Because it would go against what my mum taught me."
"This school is about YOU finding out what YOU want and what makes YOU happy. This school is about discovery. Did your mum want you to be unhappy in life?"
"No."
"Did she encourage you to be your own person?"
"Yes."
"Then be your own person. Nobody in this school is going to mind how you act as long as it isn't dangerous to yourself or others. If you don't like it after two days then you don't have to do it again. Now, on Thursday and Friday, I'd like Christopher to be back and Jayne around. Saturday and Sunday you can be who you want to be. Is that acceptable to yourselves?"
I nodded and Christopher said, "I'll try."
"That's all I can ask," said Rachel. "If either of you have trouble with it then my door is always open."
"Yes miss."
"Now, we come on to the matter of David's issue, but before we start I need a short toilet break. You know where they are if you need them and I'll see you when we're all back."
"I don't need the toilet, do you?" I asked Christopher.
"No, so let's just stay here."
I leaned my head against the back of the settee and sleep overtook me.
As I opened my eyes, I saw Rachel sitting at her desk tapping away on her computer. I looked across and saw Christopher asleep next to me. I nudged him awake, which he did with a grunt.
"Wake up," I hissed. "Rachel's back."
"Ah, I see you're awake," Rachel grinned.
"Sorry, we must have closed our eyes for a few moments," I said as Rachel came across.
"A few hours is more like it. It's approaching three o'clock."
Christopher and I looked at each other in horror, wondering what unique punishment we'd get for falling asleep on our psychiatrists couch.
"We were asleep for nearly three and a half hours?" I spluttered.
"You were both exhausted, so I'm not surprised. I'll hold off discussions about your issue David. I don't think that you'll attempt having intercourse, so it shouldn't be an immediate problem."
"Thank you," I said feeling a bit better.
"The interconnecting door will be unsealed during breakfast tomorrow morning. I'll see you at eleven on Friday to see how things are going. If you have any issues before our meeting I expect to see you straight away. Now run along and enjoy the rest of the day."
"Yes Rachel," we said with enthusiasm as we rushed out, leaving a smiling Rachel behind.
* * *
"Jayne," said Rachel at our Friday meeting. "How did you find Christopher while she was Helen for two days?"
"Rachel," I whined. "This isn't fair."
"Life isn't always fair."
I sighed and looked at Christopher. "Just tell the truth," he said. "If I don't know then I can't learn."
"On Tuesday, Helen seemed to struggle a bit. She overcompensated at times and suppressed her emotions at others. She seemed to gradually get into the swing of things and by Wednesday she was the Helen I knew, but without seeming to suppress her emotions."
"And you Christopher? Did you enjoy back being Helen again?"
"I didn't at first as it all seemed wrong. David and a few others pointed out things and I thought I was being got at. When I realised they were just trying to help it became easier. On Wednesday I was enjoying myself."
"What about when you were back as Christopher?"
"There didn't seem to be much difference in my base behaviour. Some of the ways I present myself are different I suppose."
"You still have a lot to learn in being Christopher and sometimes you appear very much as a girl trying to be a boy, but that is what we hope to change starting next week."
"Do you think I'll make it?"
"Jessica managed to learn how to present herself as a girl, didn't she? Think how she acted the day after her suicide attempt and how she is now."
"She was like a boy in a dress at first, but now you can't really tell that she was born male."
"That's what you'll learn, but in reverse; if that's what you want."
"I think so, but more for other activities than for actual living."
"As long as you are happy with yourself it doesn't matter how you are to me," I said giving Christopher a hug.
"What about you Jayne? How do you feel back as a girl?"
"I feel fine. No real difference really, apart from it taking longer to get dressed."
"Apart from taking longer to dress, which do you feel happier being? David or Jayne?"
"I don't feel much difference between them. I seem to fit in better as Jayne, but it doesn't feel right."
"In what way?"
"I'm not sure. I was born male and would like to be one so I can provide children for Helen."
"Jayne, you haven't been thinking about yourself and what YOU want, have you?"
"How do you mean?"
"You have lived as Jayne for a while when you were in France and now over the last two days. You haven't taken that chance to look at yourself as Jayne. You have just thought of it as clothing and not looked at the inner you.
"I have."
"Really? You've tried to look at your feeling and looked to see if you could live as a girl fulltime?"
"Well not probably like that."
"I am going to arrange something, but it will take some time. In the meantime I'm authorising you both to have lessons to help you pass as male, starting Monday. In the meantime I'd like you to think about it."
"What will we be doing in these lessons?" asked Christopher.
"You will be dressed as a male for the length of the course. You will be excused from any mix-up Mondays. You'll have voice coaching, deportment lessons and behavioural lessons. This won't change the base you but give you what you need to appear male."
"Is there any news about what happened with Jessica's parents turning up in Paris?"
"I'm not sure, but it would be a good idea if you got an update from Mr Hobson. He is free at the moment so run on down to his office before lunch."
It was the first time that Christopher had been to Mr Hobson's office and it was only my second. His office was larger than any of the other offices I'd been in, but all that extra room was taken up by extra seats.
"Why don't we all sit over here?" said Mr Hobson pointing to a rather cosy area of a two seated and a single seated settee. "This is the first time that I've been able to talk to you both in private. How are you settling into the school?"
"I'm settled in fine," I answered, rather surprised that our recent punishment wasn't raised.
"It's certainly different from what I expected," answered Christopher, "but I'm finding the lessons stretching which is certainly better than my old school."
"According to Mr Yates you are doing very well in the shooting and archery. Would you be willing to start learning how to safely handle handguns while others catch up?"
I looked at Christopher who was glancing at me. We both shrugged our shoulders at each other. "That's fine"
"Great," he said. For the first time I'd noticed that he didn't have a PDA with him and wasn't making notes. I wonder if he has a good memory or the entire conversation was recorded.
"In about three months, we will have students arriving from a sister school. One of the students there is highly competent in bypassing security systems. At first they thought that she was just good at breaking into computer systems, but soon found she had access to other restricted areas. Over the next few weeks I'd like to ensure that our private systems are secure and internal tracking and access systems more tamperproof. Jayne, I'd like you to assist Ms Toms, who should be back next week. Christopher, you should assist Mr Small. Now I'm aware that next week you start your male training and that will take place in the mornings. School lessons for year one will be cancelled during those weeks so you won't fall behind. They will be doing other things, such as interpersonal skills, which you two don't seem to need as much as they do. During the afternoon there will be first-aid lessons for forty minutes and the rest of the time you can help with security checks."
"Yes Sir," Christopher and I said simultaneously.
"One last thing, the search for the person who revealed information to Wendy and Jessica's parents. The search has been conducted by three different people, using three different techniques and the culprit has yet to be found. I doubt the person or persons will be found until they do it again."
"What about why it occurred?"
"I have a feeling I know why, but if I'm correct that has even bigger implications than I'd care to think about. We shall see as things unfold, which I've no doubt they will, over the coming months. Do either of you have any questions?"
I thought about it and there was something I wanted to ask, but I decided that it might be best not to.
"Jayne, this is an open session. I'm glad you've learnt to be discreet in asking too much, but in these sessions I insist you be open. I can always refuse to answer."
"Is the school the same one you asked me to link to on the way back from France? Marshallville I think it was called."
"It is the same school, but Marshallville is where it used to be. Even though the school has moved, the interlink description has never been updated. I think you'll enjoy meeting your counterparts there and will learn a lot. I don't want to say anymore now, but I'll be giving everyone some details just before they get here."
* * *
"I'm going to need your help," said Lewis in the common room Sunday evening. We'd just eaten after orchestra practice and were lounging around discussing little of consequence.
"Oh?"
"In the concert I'm going to conduct Beethoven's ninth and I need your help."
"How?" asked Christopher. "None of us can conduct."
"No," laughed Lewis. "I need more practice at conducting and wonder if we could practice most evenings? There is only so much I can learn by watching and conducting a recording."
"They have you conducting the whole symphony?" asked Jill incredulously.
"They said it would be a challenge, but that I should be able to succeed."
"Well it certainly will be a challenge. It is over an hour long and without the practice it will be very hard."
"I'm in," said Christopher. "It'll be good practice for me."
The others were soon joining saying they wanted to help. We had both oboes, a bassoon, flute, two violins, viola, cello and me on the horn, so we had a good cross section of the orchestra. The double basses played quite a significant part, as did the timpani. The only issue was that most were playing second desk so might not carry the theme as much.
"What about the Karl Jenkins piece, will you be conducting that?" Emma asked.
"No, apparently someone from the visiting school will be doing that."
"Well that I suppose is something of a relief."
"I suppose there's no time like now," I said before the conversation moved onto something else. "Let's move the settee's and do it now and every evening at about eight."
"I'll get some music stands while you get your instruments," suggested Lewis.
"I'll grab your oboe if you help Lewis get some stands," Anna offered to Jill.
Very quickly we were all setup and music started to swell from our instruments. We'd decided to follow a suggestion Paula made of concentrating on just one movement a night. Lewis didn't do a bad job for a beginner but he was far from ready. A conductor doesn't just stand at the front of the orchestra and wave his hands, he is the person who keeps the whole orchestra together, sets their tone and volume with subtle differences in movements. During a concert the orchestra should know what's expected, but during rehearsals it is the conductor's job to interpret the music and train the orchestra to play the music according to his wishes. With a lot of practice Lewis had been able to fake being a conductor for the 1812 overture, but this symphony was much more demanding.
Over the following weeks Lewis got better and more confidant. He started not just waving his arms to what was expected, but started to impart his own thoughts and personality into our little rehearsals, though he was reluctant to impress them onto the full orchestra and relayed them to Mrs Russell. As Lewis's confidence grew, so did the extension for the visitors.
For the last three weeks, Christopher and I had gone through the lessons on how to pass as males. It had taught us what we needed to know in more ways than we intended and it was a subject that as soon as the course finished I avoided. Well I'd managed to avoid till today when the topic reared its head during one of the regular discussion I'd been having with Rachel.
"What was the thing you most enjoyed about your three week maleness course?"
I was sat on the settee with Helen's comforting arms keeping the worst of the terror away. Even so, this wasn't one of the nicest questions to be asked. Helen had been reminded that unless she was asked a question she shouldn't interrupt or we might not be allowed to have sessions with the other present.
"Probably Fran and Ingrid affirmation ceremony. The way they broke with school tradition and had it outside on the back lawn was just something they would do."
"A very nice memory indeed," agreed Rachel showing no sign of surprise or upset at what I'd said. "So tell me what you remember about that day."
I leaned back into Helen as I pictured the special day, though I quickly changed my position after getting an 'oomph' when I'd leaned against her left breast.
"That morning at breakfast each couple drew a ball out a large tub. The balls were either marked L or R and would denote which side of the aisle we sat on. Helen drew for us and we sat on the right. At about quarter to eleven everyone was dressed in clothes that were just like I remembered from my cousins wedding a few years ago and we made our way out to where the ceremony was to be. The chairs were set out with five rows of eight chairs, four at each side all decorated with yellow balloons and flowers. At eleven the teachers, who seemed to be wearing some type of uniform, formed and honour guard at the rear of the aisle and created a roof with very long shiny swords. After Fran and Ingrid had passed through into the main aisle they sheathed their swords and took up positions surrounding us, facing outwards with their hand always on the sword. It was like they were protecting the ceremony from being stormed."
"I'm impressed that you remember so much detail," interrupted Rachel. Helen glared at Rachel who said, "Sorry, please continue."
"I'd been expecting Fran and Ingrid to be both in white, but they weren't. They were wearing silk lemon dresses with a blue sash. It was so simple, but so elegant. Then the words they said and the commitments they made were so touching and full of deep felt love. I didn't think such depth of feeling could ever exist."
"Okay, I want you to close your eyes and remember the scene. Can you remember the warmth of the sun beating down?" asked Rachel in a gentle voice.
"Oh yes, it was very warm."
"Excellent. What about smell, can you remember anything about that?"
"There was the smell of the flowers on the chairs, but more the flowers in bloom all around us."
"How do you feel seeing the ceremony?"
"It's such a wonderful thing to watch. So full of love, not just from Fran and Ingrid, but the love of all the students and teachers just made it one of the happiest days."
"Picture yourself standing there, singing one of the hymns. Describe what you are wearing."
I paused at this stage and trembled slightly as I replied, "I am standing wearing a grey morning suit. The jacket is full length with tails. In my left hand is a matching top hat."
"Continue that image, but now look to your side, who is next to you?"
"Christopher," I replied with a smile. The trembling had gone and I smiled slightly.
"What's he wearing?"
"He's wearing an outfit very similar to mine but slightly darker."
"How does Christopher look?"
"Handsome."
"Does he look like a girl in boy clothes?"
"No, he doesn't. I wouldn't be able to tell if I didn't know."
"How do you feel about Christopher?"
"I love him to bits."
"Look at yourself again and remember how you felt when you got dressed for that day. How did you feel?"
"I don't know," I answered in a week voice.
"Relax and try to remember that day. Remember the happiness of the event and the smell of the flowers."
"I dressed that way because it was expected. I didn't like the feel of the suit," I said fighting out the words. The trembles were back and the only think that stopped it being worse was Helen gently stroking my arms.
"Was it uncomfortable? Didn't it fit right?" continued Rachel, ignoring my plight.
"It fitted perfectly, but it just felt wrong. I don't understand it."
"Don't fight yourself. Look at your feelings. If you don't understand then say how you feel."
"I'm trying. It was like there was something wrong with what I was wearing but I don't know what."
"Okay," reassured Rachel. "Now look to the other side of the aisle. Who was at the same level as you on the outside?"
"That was Anna."
"You do have a good memory. Now can you remember what she was wearing?"
"She had on a green outfit that looked almost Chinese. At first I thought it was a dress but it was a long skirt and top. She'd done her hair to match the style of outfit and was wearing a small bit of makeup."
"Was she? I didn't remember seeing any on her."
"She just had a bit around her eyes, enhancing them slightly."
"You are certainly more observant than me," admitted Rachel. "So, imagine you are wearing that outfit to the wedding instead of the morning suit. How would you feel then?"
"It would just be clothes," I replied.
"Mmm," murmured Rachel as she jotted notes down. "Before you started the course you wanted to learn to be more masculine. You have picked up the knowledge but you hardly seem to use it. Why is that?"
"It didn't seem to be me. I was glad I did the course, but when I looked in the mirror I saw someone else. Does that make sense?"
"You have to be happy with yourself. I'm glad that you have started to examine who you are but I still think you block part of yourself out. But that part is for you to find when you are ready. I am not here to tell you what to do, just here to help you over the emotional hurdles. No Helen, how did you find the course?"
"It was interesting, but it isn't something I'd like to be everyday. I did it for two reasons. One to give support to David while he did it and secondly I thought it might help with certain extracurricular activities."
"You seem to have stopped blocking out your physical emotions when you are Helen. How are you finding that?"
"I'm a lot happier now. You were right, at this school I can be anything I want."
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The continuing story of life at Hayfield Hall. One of the students gets a very special birthday present and the guests arrive.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 24
"You want us to do what?" came the horrified voice across the dining room.
I don't know which I was more surprised about; someone from the year four showing emotion at a request, or the request itself. I had to admit that it certainly broke a lot of the school history, but I'm sure we wouldn't be asked to do something that he didn't think we were capable off.
"To learn two languages. Now it wouldn't be practical for everyone to learn both languages as fluently as we normally do so here is my idea. Half of you will learn one language in depth and half of you the other. Since you always seem to stick by your study partner like glue, I thought it wise for you to learn one language each so that one of you will always be able to help the other. The language you don't learn in depth you learn enough to get by. Any questions?"
"Are there any requirements who does which?" asked Andy.
"Whoever is better at languages, so that includes the year's language specialist, will learn Farsi. The other will learn Russian."
"Farsi?" asked Sam.
"That's the language of Iraq, Iran and some other countries in that region," answered Jill.
"How on earth did you know that?"
"When your parents used to quiz you on daily news topics, you tend to remember a few," sighed Jill. Poor thing missed her parents so much; her mother being dead and her father unable to get close due to being a teacher. Rachel had been giving counselling to both of them about it, but I would sometimes see Jill frustrated at the forced separation. I thought that Helen and my two nights apart were bad enough, but this had been going on for months. From the chats I'd had with Julia I knew there was a solution being planned, but everyone was being tight lipped about it.
"Do you mind if I take the Russian?" I asked Helen. "Ever since I heard a bit at the start of Hunt for Red October I thought it would be a cool language to learn."
"Which language is going to be used first?" asked Helen across the room to Mr Hobson.
"The Russian. We will be having a sister school from America join us on this trip. They've been to Russia before, so we will be relying on them for certain information such as customs and culture. When we get back there won't be much time before our final trip."
During the meal the dining room hummed with excitement. Two places the school had never been to before. Two new languages to try to learn. A different school visiting, so new friends to make.
Something was wrong in the room. Something didn't feel right. I looked around and finally spotted that Stacy wasn't there. Yesterday she hadn't been her usual self and I wondered if she hadn't been feeling very well. I decided to send a message to Andy.
As I read the response my eyes began to fill with water. I wasn't sure why, but the tears were soon trickling quickly down my face. Helen grabbed my PDA, read the message and cleared the screen so nobody else could read it. My distress was obvious to most of the school and Rachel, who was our table's psychiatrist of the day, was trying to find out what was wrong when Andy appeared. He whispered something to Helen and she quickly escorted me out. I didn't do anything to stop her and just let her guide me down corridors and eventually into the hospital.
"I'm not sick," I protested.
"You're here to chat with Stacy," said Helen pushing me towards the room which had Stacy's name on it. "I'll be outside. Now take as long as you need."
I tentatively walked through the door, unsure of why I'd got upset and why I was being encouraged to talk with Stacy. Stacy was sat up in bed reading, Enya playing in the background.
"Come on in," she said in her gentle, but firm voice. "Why don't I move over a bit and you can sit on the bed next to me."
"This doesn't look anything like a hospital room," I sniffed. "I didn't think they had double beds."
"This is the school hospital. You should know that this school is nothing like the real world."
"What happens when we leave school?"
"We have the skills and knowledge to be who we need to be without question. Do I look anything like a boy?"
"No and you'll look even less like one in a few hours," I said with a nervous giggle.
"I have enough education to get a degree and have the knowledge and confidence to go a lot higher. Everybody at this school is highly intelligent but would never have succeeded where they were. Could you have learned what you now know in your old school?"
"No, I doubt I would have."
"Then the school is meeting its educational aims as laid down by the government and they leave us alone. If they imposed somebody on the school I doubt it would be able to do none of the extra things it does, such as helping people be who they need to be or the extra items that we do."
"Er," I said dropping my voice to a whisper. I think I would have been less surprised if they proved that Father Christmas really existed. "I thought that the extra stuff we do was government controlled."
She gave a little smile, which made her eyes twinkle. "It's okay. This room is soundproof and secure. I suppose it might seem that way when you don't have the big picture. When you came in here you were very upset. What happened?"
"I was worried because you weren't at breakfast. So I sent a message to Andy. I got a message back saying ‘Today Stacy becomes Stacy'."
"And that started you crying? Why?"
"You sound just like Rachel."
"So? Was it because you were worried about me?"
"No, knowing this school you'll get the best operation in the world. I just had a strange feeling come over me. I can't explain it."
"Can't or won't?"
"What?"
"There's a big difference. Perhaps you can't explain it because you don't understand the feeling or perhaps you won't explain it because you don't like the implication."
"The implication?"
"You obviously didn't like the time you spent being masculine because as soon as the course finished you reverted back to your feminine male self. Perhaps you want to be a girl? Perhaps you would like to join me today? I'm sure the surgeon could do us both."
"I don't want to be a girl," I protested.
"Why not? It's lots of fun and you've the right attitude."
"I am me. I don't want to be a girl."
"If you say so."
"I've changed my mind, you aren't like Rachel. She lets me work things out myself. You are telling me what to do."
"No, I was asking if you wanted to be a girl. You said no and that's that. You only have to change the plumbing as you act like a girl most of the time anyway."
"I'm not that bad," I complained. "I know I'm not that masculine but I'm not that feminine."
"If you say so."
"Look, do you know why Andy sent me to see you."
"Probably because you got upset and thought it might have been you being worried about me."
"So what are they actually going to do?"
"Because the school is a bit naughty with certain things, I have been on hormones for a number of years. I basically went through a girl's puberty and the only thing male about me is what's between my legs, which I had to wait till I was eighteen to correct."
"They're going to chop it off?"
"Not quite. They will remove the testicles and the muscle of the penis. They will then invert it and use the skin as the wall lining for my vagina. Oh gosh, that sounds so wonderful MY vagina."
"So how long does that take? Half hour, an hour?"
"More like six to eight. It depends how things go."
"I didn't hear about a year five birthday. We haven't had one in year one yet, but I think there is one in a few weeks."
"There will be a late party."
"It's your birthday today?"
"Yep."
"Wow, happy birthday. I bet this is the best birthday present you've ever had?"
"Too right it is."
"So how long will you be here for?"
"In the hospital? Probably about a week. I will then be able to go to my room but I'll be very sore and tired for a few weeks. It will probably be over a month before I feel up to being more active."
Just then a nurse came in. "Stacy, we will get underway in about an hour. I just thought you'd like to know."
"Thanks Sally."
Sally then turned to me, "I'm sorry miss, but the doctors need to just check Stacy out."
"Is it okay if David stays?"
"Oh, I'm sorry David; my eyes must be playing up today."
"Sally, it isn't a problem. I don't know why people think I'm a girl, but I was born male and I don't want to change that."
"Then don't," she said with a smile. "I'll check with the doctors to see if you can stay."
"Do you mind me staying?" I asked.
"Not at all. I told Andy not to visit me till after the operation. He's just so worried it would cause me issues. I wouldn't have asked you to stay if I didn't mean it."
"I saw him keep looking at his watch during breakfast. Look, I better tell Helen that I'll be quite a while."
"You left her sat outside?"
"She pushed me in here and told me to take as long as I needed."
"Then if you're staying you better tell her you will see her later."
I left the room and saw Helen sitting patiently reading something on her PDA. "You look a bit better," she said looking up.
"I still don't know what happened. Anyway, Stacy has asked if I wanted to find out more about what she's going through so asked if I will stay for a bit. I'm not sure how long I'll be."
"I think that's a super idea," said Helen jumping up and giving me a quick kiss. "I think I'll go and practice for a little bit and play a few games with the others. I'll see you later."
I watched as Helen disappeared and I made my way back to Stacy's room. "She's gone."
"Then come and sit on the bed and let's chat."
We didn't get much time to chat as about ten minutes later a distinguished man and a young woman knocked and entered. The man looked towards me and said, "David, Sally mentioned that Stacy asked if you could stay and as long as Stacy doesn't mind then I don't have an issue."
"Stacy, my name is Tom Millard. I'll be operating on you today. My colleague here is Barbara Smith."
"Hi."
"We are going to go through with you what is going to be done to make sure you're fully aware what we'll do. As long as you're happy we will proceed. If you have any doubts then I strongly suggest that we delay your operation till you are ready."
As the procedure was explained to Stacy I sat there listening, astonished what they were going to do. I thought it was too much detail, but the doctor wanted to make sure his patient was fully informed. Knowing Rachel, she would have been through it all with Stacy anyway and there wouldn't have been any chance of Stacy lying here waiting for the operation if there was any doubt. This school did take care of its students, even though sometimes they looked a little tough at times in their discipline.
"So Stacy, are you happy for me to do the operation?"
"Please," she almost begged.
Tom gave a slight smile at the response. He knew the school wouldn't have booked Stacy in for a sex-change if there was any doubt, but he felt it was his duty to confirm. This operation was irreversible, after all.
When the doctors had left Stacy looked at me and said, "So David, what do you think of me now?"
"Very brave," I admitted absently. The details the doctor had given were astonishing and I was still trying to process the details. I'd just thought things were moved around a bit. I hadn't realised how important things like nerve endings would be. "My Uncle wanted to be a girl but couldn't get past the issues."
"It was a lot harder back then," said Stacy putting her arms around me. "There wasn't the help and it is quite likely that he'd have been locked up for being nuts."
"Really?"
"Yes. At one stage it was thought that electroconvulsive therapy was a good way of curing people."
"What's that then?"
"They pass an electric current through the brain in the hope that it will alter the chemicals in the brain and cure the patient of the issue. It was originally used on schizophrenia and then extended for other problems."
"Can they do that without their consent?"
"Not in a lot of countries, but in England they still can. The Mental Health Act says that treatment can be given immediately and without consent in certain circumstances. So if it was thought that it would help and you were in imminent danger to yourself or others you could be given ECT."
"They could do that here?"
"I really doubt the doctors here would."
"I hope not."
"Though a few thousand in England and Wales are given it involuntary each year."
"Yikes."
There was a moment of silence and I saw the anxiety on Stacy's face. "It'll be okay," I said reaching across.
"I'm sure it will be," she replied trying to smile.
"I'll be with you. I doubt I'll be allowed to be with you while you have the operation, but I will be as close as I can."
"Thanks," she said squeezing my hand.
There was a knock on the door and Sally came in, dragging in a trolley. "Stacy, it's nearly time. Can you hop out of bed and onto the trolley?"
"Can David come down with me?"
"I'll need to check if he can go as far as the recovery room, but he wouldn't be allowed into the theatre."
"Oh," said Stacy sadly.
"Let me just check if you can go into the recovery room. I'll be back in a jif."
"I'll stay here while you have your operation," I said.
"Really?"
"Yes, now stop worrying. You know this school only uses the best. Knowing them they've probably scoured the whole country, if not the world."
"He is the best," admitted Stacy. "I did a lot of research into different surgeons and the one who is going to operate is the best."
Sally returned looking rather surprised.
"I had a word with Mr Millard and you were only going to be allowed as far as the recovery room door. However, a few minutes later he got a phone call and he told me to get a surgical outfit for you so you could be with Stacy."
"Really?" asked Stacy in amazement.
"Really. Now, David if you come with me I'll get you prepared. You then can be with Stacy throughout her operation."
* * *
"Is that you David?" asked Stacy as I caught up with her trolley in the recovery room. I was now in pale green theatre clothes and a mask covered my face.
"Yep," I replied. "Who else were you expecting? I'll be with you for the operation, so you just relax."
"Thanks. How come you're so mature?"
"I think it's because I was taught so by my parents. Also the situation at school didn't give me time to be silly. In some ways it's harder to pretend to not be as clever and it certainly makes you mature."
I watched as the anaesthetist gently put Stacy to sleep and wheeled into the operating theatre. There was a seat near the anaesthetist where I could sit without causing a nuisance. I wasn't squeamish and found watching the operation fascinating. However, things didn't quite go to plan.
"I'm showing some swelling and a rash," calmly stated the anaesthetist.
"A reaction to the anaesthetic?" asked Tom Millard, not moving his eyes from the area he was working on.
"I'm not sure yet. It could be several things. Her vitals are showing distress. I'm going to inject her with the adrenalin."
"Let me know her reaction," ordered Tom Millard. "It will be about another twenty minutes before I can get to a point where we could stop the operation."
Stacy was injected with the adrenalin which was already labelled and standing by.
"Her breathing is a bit better."
"I'm showing swelling in the area we're working on," added Barbara Smith. "Latex allergy?"
"That's a possibility as she's not showing any other reaction. I have a plastic air mask available."
"Nurse, in the glove draw you should see a box marked Non Rubber. We will all need them. Barbara, when you change your gloves do it in the recovery room. The powder in these gloves could cause other issues."
When Barbara returned, she took over Tom while he changed his gloves. I was just sat there, watching in amazement and offering silent prayers for Stacy's recovery.
"Will she be okay?" I quietly asked the anaesthetist. I'd not been told his name and he hadn't volunteered it. In fact the only names I knew were the two surgeons and the nurse who'd been in Stacy's room.
"She is showing signs of recovery."
"Do we continue?" asked Tom Millard after about ten minutes.
"She is stable enough."
"Good, I'd have to tell her that she'd have to come back in a few weeks. She hated the thought of an operation."
The total operation lasted just over six hours. When she was back in her room I asked Sally, "How long will she be asleep for?"
"Probably about another hour, but I won't allow streams of visitors. She has gone though a lot."
"You mean the operation or her allergic reaction?"
"Both, but especially her allergy. If it wasn't for the quick action of the anaesthetist and Mr Millard, Stacy would no longer be with us."
"Really?" I asked shocked. "Everybody had been so calm about it, I didn't think it was life threatening."
"Panic would have just made the situation worse. Doctors are trained to act calmly during any issue."
"Can Andy come and see her?"
"And Andy is?"
"Her boyfriend."
"Then it isn't a problem."
When Andy came down his first words were, "How is she?"
"I believe her operation was a complete success."
"Thank you for being with her during the operation."
"It's my pleasure. I don't know who twisted someone's arms, but they weren't going to let me stay with her. She is one brave girl."
"That she is," he smiled.
I didn't tell Andy about her allergic reaction, as I didn't want to worry him. That was for either the nurse, Rachel or Mr Hobson. I left him alone with his love.
I thought that would be the end of the matter but just before the evening meal Mr Hobson stood up and said, "As a lot of you are probably aware, Stacy had her SRS operation this morning. However, there was a problem during the operation, as it seems she was hypersensitive to latex. Since I'm responsible for your health, I am going to ask Dr Sue to perform allergy tests on you all. If anybody has any objections then please raise them with your year leader."
"Where were you all day?" asked Jessica.
"I was with Stacy."
"What about while she was having her operation?"
"I was with Stacy," I repeated.
"I didn't think that was allowed," said Emma.
'The surgeon didn't either,' I thought to myself. However I just shrugged.
Stacy was surprised to find out about her allergic reaction, but since she'd never worn rubber gloves, condoms or generally come into contact with anything like that before it wasn't a surprise she'd not known. The allergy tests came and went with little fuss. The only one with anything close to major was Wendy finding out she had a mild reaction to chlorine. Since a previous student had the same allergy, the school pool wasn't cleaned with chlorine.
Hayfield Hall took great pride in ensuring the safety of its students, however when things went wrong they took the steps needed to make sure it didn't happen again. In future all new students would be tested for allergies. Apart from everyone's obvious concern for Stacy, life went on. Stacy healed and was soon joining everyone for meals, though it took her over a month before she was feeling totally herself.
As the weeks went by we started to become fluent in our languages. I'd hoped to learn Russian, but was told that it would be better if I learnt Farsi. I spent most of my spare time getting Helen to teach me Russian. The extension was finished and the equipment that Julia and I had purchased arrived and we had great fun installing it. I don't know how we managed it, but during the start of November we fitted in our Mathematics GCSE exams.
Since the sister school was staying for a few months, Hayfield Hall was providing clothes to save the cost and inconvenience of shipping. After the incident when Jessica tried to run away and the security warning when Jill left still wearing a pair of school panties, I'm sure there was probably other reasons, but like a lot of items I discovered I kept them to myself.
It was breakfast on Sunday December 4th that Mr Hobson announced, "At about nine, our guests shall arrive. They are from our sister school in America called Immigration Manor. I'm sure you will all do your best to make them welcome. They have travelled overnight so they will be quite tired. They will have a nap and will join us for a late lunch at about one. Other changes to the schedule will happen, so please check your PDA for updates, as they might occur with little notice. After the meal tonight they will give a short concert. Year leaders, you will be responsible for showing the American students of the same year their rooms. Since they have three younger years they will be shown their rooms by Dan, Becky and Keith. They use the letters A to H to denote the years. Year A is the youngest, year D equates to our year one, going up to year H which is the same as our year five."
During breakfast Helen and my PDA beeped signifying an update. It was a list of the American students and which rooms they would be in. As year leaders we had access to that information and would only become available to the others after their year leader had authorised it. I scanned through the names and one name stood out. Helen must have noticed it at the same time as we both smiled at each other. Oh this would be fun to see.
At just before nine the coaches pulled into the driveway. We were all stood in the front lawn with signs denoting which year we were. After a few minutes, students started piling out of the busses and making their way to their designated areas. Quite a few of the girls and a few boys which headed for the big 'Year A' sign were cradling dolls or teddies in their arms. I'd never had a doll and for some reason I felt slightly envious.
The year D students must have been at the back of one of the busses as eventually a mob of students made their way towards us. There was a sudden scream of shocked delight from Jill and Anna as the students got close and they ran like mad people towards the advancing Americans.
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The American students arrive and a happy reunion brings back old memories.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
If you haven't read A Strange Attraction to Concrete Cows it would be advisable before reading this chapter.
Part 25
I watched as Jill and Anna descended on a brunette American girl, with them all embracing like long lost friends; which I knew they were. In the distance I saw Mr Hobson and Julia watching, with the person who appeared to be the head of the American school.
"What's going on?" asked Paula, surprised at the events unfolding in front of her eyes.
"I'm sure that Jill or Anna will introduce you in a minute," I said with a big grin on my face.
The year head moved across and year D again became somewhat less than a mob and a little more organised. Jill and Anna came rushing back and joined us, but couldn't say anything through tears of happiness.
"Hi, I'm Melissa," said a weary looking blond haired girl. "I'm the year head. I take it you're David and Helen?"
"That's right. Since the weather is nice, let's do the introductions here and then we'll show you where the common room is, so you know where to meet after your naps."
"Sounds like a plan," agreed Melissa. "You looked like you expected Erika and that she knows two of yours?"
"I think its best that Jill, Anna and Erika explain," Helen said. "It would only be fair."
"That's fine with me. Do you want to introduce your year first?"
"Sure. Okay everyone from Immigration Manor. My name is Helen and the person next to me is David; together we are joint heads of year one. From the left we have Jill, Anna, Jessica, Sam, Paula, Emma, Brian and Lewis. I'll do proper introductions later when you are rested."
"There are slightly more of us," laughed Melissa. "Okay, my name is Melissa and I'm the leader of year D. In our slightly tired looking mob we have Jamie, Paul, Cassandra, Erika, Martha, Kenny, Randall, Elaine, Daphne, Phil, Wesley, Tina, Susan, Ruthanne, Michelle, Stephanie, Colleen, Monica and lastly Carolyn. It also looks that Erika already knows Jill and Anna, which is a great surprise. Would one of you three like to explain?"
"We already know most of the story," I interrupted, "And I think it might be a good idea for Erika to tell the tale to you. Jill found it very difficult when she told us, though we've only got to the start of this year."
Erika twigged what I meant as she suddenly started nodding furiously and I got a small smile of thanks for Jill. I leaned across and said quietly to Melissa, "I'd appreciate to be in this chat as it would give me a slightly different perspective to certain issues which I think we should chat about."
"Okay, why don't we meet sometime before bed? I believe you have a ten o'clock curfew like us?"
"Yes. Are you ready to be shown the school?"
"Oh yes, that's a good idea," agreed Melissa to me and then loudly pointing to me said, "Okay year D, let's follow Helen into the school."
"I'm David," I replied indignantly.
"Oops, I'm sorry. I think it must be the lack of sleep. Lead on David."
"Wow," said one of the girls from The Manor, possibly Elaine. "This looks so old. Are their ghosts and secret passages and things like that?"
"I think you're thinking of Harry Potter," giggled Helen at the girl's enthusiasm. "There may well be secret passages, but I've never found any. As for ghosts, I don't think Mr Hobson would allow having his school invaded, even by the dead."
That caused a few chuckles and giggles. When we eventually made it to our common room, we noticed that things had been re-organised slightly with more settees added. Since we'd only been in there a few hours ago, I was quite surprised how things happened when you least expected it. Sitting on one of the small tables was a box containing the PDA's for year D with a note, addressed to Helen and me, saying 'Please issue these before year D has their nap.'
"It seems you aren't getting away that easily. It seems you are to be issued with your local PDA's before nap time. Shall we start with you Melissa?"
"Fine by me," she replied. "We have PDA's at our school so I'm used to the drill."
I tapped a few buttons and registered it to Melissa and after getting her required biometrics handed it over. Each one took under a minute to do and with Helen doing half we were quickly finished.
"Before you sleep, please confirm online what you want for lunch and tea," Helen informed the guests.
"These are swell," commented Erika as she chose her food. "They seem lighter and faster than ours."
"They are the latest model," I said proudly. "They are custom built to our needs. Oh that reminds me, when you get up will one of you point out a girl from your school called Matilda."
"Oh sure. She is one neat girl. Everyone just loves her. Why do you ask?"
"I've been told that she is someone to watch out for."
There were some looks of laughter between the American's. Eventually one said, "I take it you specialise in computers. If that's the case, you're going to have a fun few months."
"One of us will point her out to you, or introduce you if you want, but first I think it's time to have this short nap."
"We'll show you where the bedrooms are, even though the PDA's would do just as good a job. You should then be able to find your way back to the common-room."
"Listen up gang, no more than two hours nap," instructed Melissa. "We want to be able to sleep tonight."
"So, what do you think?" asked Helen when we got back to the common room. All year-D were in their rooms napping.
"It should be interesting," said Paula. "Erika seemed nice, the little we saw."
"She is," said Jill. "What was even more interesting was the head of the school."
"Oh?"
"That's Erika's Dad. Now, I wonder how much he was involved with this school while he was here for a year."
"Wow, interesting," I mused, filing it away for further thought and perhaps a few choice questions to people in higher years who might have noticed him while he trained.
"So Helen and David, what else do you know about our visitors?" asked Emma as Paula pulled out the Monopoly set.
"Nothing," I said, making a grab for the iron. Last time I'd not been quick enough and ended up as the boot. Jessica stuck out her tongue at me and then laughed as she ended up with the little dog.
"So what's this about Matilda?" asked Paula as she started counting out the fifteen hundred pounds.
"Oh, well she is one of their students who seems to have a knack for not understanding what computer security is for."
"Uh?"
"She is very good in bypassing computer and other security systems. That's all I know. I've yet to meet her and have no idea who she is apart from that."
"Not even what year she's in?"
"No. Though if she has all the skills she is supposed to have, I'm sure she must be in at least year F."
We continued to speculate about the Americans as we played the game. Today luck wasn't with me and I soon was passing my mortgaged properties to Brian. Monopoly can be quite boring for people that exit the game, but not here. I joined Helen and we became a team. This game however ended up unfinished as the Americans started arriving before a conclusion was reached.
"What a weird version," said Elaine as she peered at the board. "Where is Mediterranean Avenue and Boardwalk?"
"This is the British version," explained Erika who had played both versions. "It is based on the areas of London, not New York."
"Cool, I wonder if we'll get chance to see anything of London. This trip is like nothing we've ever done before. The main concert isn't going to be here but in Moscow, so it's unclear how much of England we'll see."
"Main concert?" I enquired.
"Oh, we have a little thing later. Also there was something mentioned that we might have a little concert in London."
I glanced at Helen who raised her eyebrows. She obviously wondered if they were having a concert in London, then would some of their 'teachers' be slipping off for extra curricular activities.
"Shall we go for lunch?" I suggested looking at the clock. "After we'll show you around before you impress us with your singing."
The dining room, which had seemed vast after the expansion, now seemed perfect. We all made our way to the tables. Since there were so many per year we were split onto two tables, each with a mixture of Americans and British.
"So what's the drill?" asked Daphne. "Where do we get the food from? At our school we have a refectory where we choose the food."
"Ah, well you know that you chose your food before your had your nap? Well, when the food bell goes, a few of us go and collect the food. Since there are so many of us at the table, it will probably need to be four of us. We normally take it in turns to collect and clear. We do it for a day and then another set does it the next day."
"Sounds fair," agreed Phil in a rich Texas drawl.
My PDA suddenly warbled signalling an incoming phone call. I looked at the name shown on the screen with surprise.
"Well aren't you going to answer it?" prodded Helen.
"Hi David speaking," I said still surprised that the Kitchen would ring me.
"Sorry but we forgot to ask who was sitting at which table, so we don't know what trolley to put the plates onto."
"Ah, that would be an issue," I agreed. With Melissa's help, I relayed the names and they rung off to finish preparations.
Stacy, who was at the far end of the room, stood and all the students fell silent. The American's who didn't know who she was just followed the lead of everyone else. "I'd like to welcome everyone from Immigration Manor to Hayfield Hall. George Bernard Shaw wrote, 'England and America are two countries separated by the same language'. May our guests have a happy time with us and learn how the English language is really supposed to be spelt."
There was a little bit of giggling as Stacy sat down and all the regulars at Hayfield Hall stood and applauded the Americans.
"Can I have everyone's attention," said Mr Hobson as the applause died down. "For those that haven't yet been told, my name is Mr Hobson and I'm the headmaster at Hayfield Hall. Since Stacy very nicely quoted Shaw I think I'll do the same. He said, 'I dislike feeling at home when I'm abroad'. I hope you find things that are similar, but also different. At this school we sometimes do a Mix-up Monday. Do you have anything like that at The Manor?"
Mr Hobson's query was only met with blank faces.
"Mix-up Monday is where students dress in ways they don't normally. For instance people who normally present themselves as female will present themselves as male and ..."
"Freaky Friday!" screamed half the Americans with delight.
"I think I'm going to like you," laughed Mr Hobson. "You're a lot less reserved than my usual audience. Okay, so this will be like at home but it will be done tomorrow which, in Hayfield Hall style. Anybody that is normally androgynous will be male in the morning and female after lunch. Any questions? Excellent."
'Oh crap,' I thought to myself. I'm back to being Jayne when I hoped to avoid being Jayne in front of the Americans. Heck, I'd even tried to be slightly more masculine without going over the top like during the training but Melissa had still got it wrong.
As Mr Hobson sat down the meal bell rang. Helen and I took Melissa and Jamie out to the kitchens to retrieve the trolley. We then served things out in a professional manner much to the Americans amusement.
"All you need is a waiter's outfit," said one of them. I didn't see who and I'd yet to get everyone's accents down to their names and faces.
"Hey, we like to do things with style," defended Helen. "It didn't faze us when we ate at a top class restaurant on our last school trip."
"True," mussed Melissa. "I suppose it has something going for it. Only trouble is, I never can decide what to eat until I've seen it. So deciding up front is going to be something totally different."
"Ah, then you'll be okay with the buffet breakfast," I added, trying to stop things developing into an argument.
"You mean no English breakfast of death?"
"Uh?"
"The Traditional English breakfast."
"Ah, they cook it very nicely so it isn't too fatty," I said. "Also you have to order it via the PDA and the system then stops you having other things high in fat or cholesterol later; maintaining a balanced diet."
"Have you been digesting the parenting book?"
"David often talks like that," laughed Helen. "It's one of the things I love about him."
The meal went smoothly and gradually the two schools started to build an understanding about each other. The gentle banter of earlier continued and I began to see that although the Americans sense of humour was very different, it was also very gentle. At no time did they make fun of us and we reciprocated.
"So which girl is Matilda?" I reminded Melissa.
"Ah yes. Well see the small girl on the Year B table that has just stood up? That's Matilda."
"You have to be kidding?" I said looking at the girl. "She looks about eight."
"Don't underestimate her," warned Jamie. "She might look small, but is very bright. She looks like butter wouldn't melt in her hands, but she has probably gotten into more trouble than anyone else in the school."
"What?"
"Are you thinking about the Sydney trip?" giggled Daphne.
"That's probably the worst I'm aware of," laughed Jamie.
"What did she do?" asked Helen, intrigued at the thought of what a sweet, innocent looking girl could do
"Lets just say she rearranged the sleeping arrangements," said Melissa.
"Uh?"
"Look, let's wait till we can exchange gossip when we are all together and not split on two tables."
"Okay," I said reluctantly, still thinking what she could have done.
After lunch, Immigration Manor took over the school chapel to prepare for the concert they would give later. The small rehearsal was to get used to the acoustics and set anything that was needed. After tea, the chapel was full of Hayfield Hall students and the Americans came in from the sides wearing matching evening gowns and evening suits. They looked very professional. Over the next few hours they delighted us with their vocal skills, as they took us on a journey from early European choral music, to modern tunes.
As they finished, the applause they got showed just a fraction of our appreciation. As musicians, we all understood how much work had gone into their practice and development of their fine voices and ears.
"Thank you for listening," said Roberta their conductor. "You have been a wonderful audience and I can't wait to rehearse with us all together, where we can create an even better performance."
As we filed out, I saw Stacy and quickly moved to intercept her.
"Hi David," she said as she saw me deliberately move across the room. "What's up?"
"Nothing much," I said slowing down, so there was a gap between us at the end and the rapidly departing audience. "Did you hear that The Manor is doing a concert in London next week?"
"No, I hadn't heard. I suppose it isn't unexpected, but it's still very interesting. I was going to organise a meeting between the American and British beta's, but I think I'll delay that till after their concert. Thanks for letting me know."
"No problems," I said. "I've not really had chance to ask, but how are things going since the operation?"
"It couldn't be better," she said, her happy smile so genuine. "I can't begin to describe what it's like. I don't think I'd feel any happier if I'd been reborn. Living fulltime as a girl helped me fit in more with everyone around. I was treated and accepted just like I was a genetic female. However there was something still missing, I didn't have the body I needed. Andy couldn't do what I wanted him to do to me."
"Ahem," I coughed in mock jest at the idea of her having sex. Oh the school might have huffed about it, but it happened. You couldn't be that close to your soul mate and not give into the desires. Stacy just smiled and gave me a wink.
"I have a favour to ask," Stacy said, her face becoming serious.
"Yes?"
"Would you mind being Jayne for the trip to Russia?"
"WHAT!"
"Hush. Just think about it and discuss it with Helen. It is much easier if you are the same sex for the trip. I just thought you would find it more pleasant being Jayne than having Helen and you be full male."
"Why are you doing this to me?"
"I'm not doing anything. I'm just showing you the options."
"What about me going as I am?"
"I suppose you could do, but that might draw undue attention to yourself. Take our new arrivals. Have you been mistaken for a girl yet?"
"Yes," I said feeling a mixture of shame, embarrassment and upset.
"It's nothing to be ashamed of," reassured Stacy. "You are you and be proud of it. There are no problems you being yourself, but I just thought that the consequences of that were something you might think about."
"I don't want to be a girl," I said for the thousandth time.
"I'm not asking you to have a sex-change. I'm just suggesting that you might melt more into the background."
"You're not forcing me?"
"No, why should I? I just want you to be happy. I'm worried that you might be unhappy if you couldn't sleep with Helen. I know how upset you were while you were separated the other week."
"Oh. You've given me quite a bit to think about. When is the trip going to be announced?"
"I'm not sure yet. I'll let you know, so that you can be dressed as you want to go."
"Thanks. I better get back to the common room. Oh, was Erika's Dad here last year?"
Stacy gave me a sharp look and then a little smile. "He was around, but not that most people would have seen and it is probably best not discussed. Think of the reaction when you went fishing for information about Mr Taylor."
"Ah, I understand. Thanks."
By the time I'd got to the common room the room had been rearranged for the chat about Erika, Jill and Anna.
"Just in time," said Helen waving me to sit at the other side of the large settee. There was Helen, Jill, Anna and Me, so we could comfort them if needed. Erika was also sandwiched between her partner and Melissa.
"So Erika, tell us how you know Jill and Anna," prompted Melissa.
"Before my Dad took over as principle at Immigration Manor, he was asked to be UK head of a company. Jill and Anna's dad's both worked for the same company. I went to the same school as Jill and Anna."
"Is that it?"
Erika looked at Jill, not wanting to say any more without permission. Jill smiled and said, "Yes there is more, but Erika was unsure if I wanted to reveal things. Erika, do you trust them?"
"With my life."
"When Erika first knew me, my name was Bill," Jill said, looking round at others reactions.
"Hey, I used to be called Martin," said Martha. "It isn't a big deal."
"There is a lot more. My Dad works at this school," continued Jill.
"Not that sports teacher?" guessed Colleen.
"What, Mr Yates?" Anna laughed. "No way. Look, there is a little story behind Jill's transition and being here. Some of it is a bit difficult for Jill, so that's why we're like this."
"I suppose it's best to start with just before Christmas last year," pondered Erika.
"Jill, are you sure you want to go through this again?" said Paula, remembering the events of a few months ago.
"Rachel says I need to talk about it and that I bottled things up too much. I don't want to repress this like I used to."
"Well in England they have this funny play called a Pantomime," started Erika. "The pantomime Dame is a female part played by a male. He is often done up to look ridiculous and often gets a good laugh. Poor Bill got tricked into playing the part. He asked Anna and me for help in learning how to act as a female."
The story on how Bill became Jill unravelled, just as it had when Jill had told us soon after we'd joined the school and when she told us about her mother dying. She told it with so much feeling that half the room was near tears, with some actually shedding a few drops.
"Do you want to stop?" I asked Jill after she told us about her mother dying.
"No," said Jill, wiping the tears from her eyes. "I need to continue."
"If you need to stop then say so," I insisted, discreetly sending a message to Rachel on my PDA, outlining the situation and asking for a curfew extension.
"I take it your dad is Julia, the computer studies teacher?" asked Melissa
"Yes, but when Mum died, I didn't realise that Julia and my Dad were the same person. As Mum was dying, she was trying to tell us both to tell each other, but we were both frightened of each other's reaction.
"I often think back to what Mum taught me and look to see things that she suggested as being for the best, even if I didn't think so at the time. When Mum and Dad were together, I had the best parents in the world and then Mum died and it was never the same. As I tried to give up the Jill part of me, Dad lost his soul mate and part of his spirit died. Even while they were split, they cared so much for each other. The way Mum instantly dropped everything to help when Julia had been assaulted; there was never any thought of not going, or not helping."
"Jill, why don't you close your eyes and tell us what happened after your mum had died?" suggested Helen.
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It is too easy to say something you shouldn't while retelling an emotional part of your past.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 26
Jill closed her eyes and began to describe in detail the events following her mother's death.
* * *
Mum was dead. How could this happen so quickly? Yesterday she'd found out about Jill and she didn't freak. I had hope that with Anna and Erika gone, I could still learn the lessons I needed to learn; and admittedly, enjoy. Now there was no one. The only people who knew were Anna, Erika and Beth. Anna and Erika had been snatched away, and Beth was lying in a coma.
Mums words as she lay dying drifted through my grief stricken brain, 'You must tell Dad about Jill'. How could I do that? Dad was a very open and understanding person, but he'd just lost his wife and his daughter was lying unconscious. How could I tell him that his son liked dressing as a girl? No, it was best that Jill died with mum. I could be Bill. I HAD TO be Bill for everyone. Mum had the right idea about adapting clothes. I'd been sure that with a bit of thought, I could do it.
I raised my head and wiped away the tears. Stacey, the kind nurse who'd made sure I was okay, had disappeared and left us alone in our grief. Dad was crying like I'd never seen before. He'd lost his true love and his life will never be the same. Mum had been his soul mate. Even when they weren't together, they still so obviously had feelings for each other. The way Mum dropped everything to rush to nurse him better when he'd been attacked and the obvious sorrow of having to leave him again told me that. I could tell she'd been so torn between wanting to be with him and the need to protect us from whatever secret they had. Was it Julia, or something else?
What would I do now? How would we live without Mum? Would we live with Dad or would we again be parted from him? What would happen to me and Beth? Why did she have to die? Why? Life was so unfair.
"Mr Toms?" eventually prodded a nurse who looked more senior than Stacey. I hadn't heard her come in and by Dad's reaction, neither had he.
"Yes?" he eventually replied, his voice sounding soft and highly emotional.
"When you are ready, let me know. I need to go through some things with you."
"I suppose now's as good a time as any," he said, his eyes never having left his departed wife and love.
I felt a bit in the way. I really didn't want to leave my Mum, but the longer I was next to her, the longer I realised that she was no longer there, just her body.
"Can I go and see Beth?" I suddenly blurted out, not wanting to know the details of what was going to happen to Mum. I wanted to remember her as a kind and loving person and not a corpse.
"I'll take Bill to see her if you like?" offered Stacey, surprising me with her sudden appearance. She looked different and it took me a moment to realise she was out of uniform.
"Are you sure?" Dad asked.
"It would be my pleasure. He has been such a brave boy and it would be best he is with the living."
"Oh, I see what you mean," said Dad, giving a dazed nod. "I'm not really with it at the moment. Why don't you go to see Beth and I'll sort out what needs to be done here. I think you have done very well Bill. I'm proud of you."
Stacey took me by my arm and led me out into the corridor, down a flight of stairs and out into a courtyard.
"What are we doing out here?" I asked as we walked into the cold winter weather.
"You have been stuck in a room helping your mother pass-on with her family. She died in peace knowing love. You need a bit of fresh air, then we'll get a little to eat ..."
"I'm not hungry," I interrupted.
"... and when I think you've eaten enough," continued Stacey, "I will take you to see your sister."
"But ..."
"No buts, it's got to be butter," joked Stacey, taking the wind out of my sails. "Look, you need to be strong for your Dad. By the looks of things, he made a big personal sacrifice to please his wife during her death."
"What do you mean?"
"Never mind. Look, let's go and raid the canteen."
The canteen wasn't far away and I was furnished with a chicken curry. It was rather bland, but Stacey said I wasn't allowed to leave until I'd eaten at least half. During the meal Stacey didn't say much, which I was rather grateful about. As I ate, I tried to block out the picture of my Mum lying on a hospital bed, tubes attached and her slowly, but with certainty, dying.
"Photos help," said Stacey.
"What?"
"Photographs. They help you remember the person as they were, rather than the picture of them dying. Do you have photographs of her?"
"Oh yes, I have plenty of photographs," I smiled weakly, thinking of the piles of photo albums in the cupboard. "I just wish there were more of us all together. This year Dad has been away with work."
"Your Dad has probably changed a bit over the last year," warned Stacey. "Just be patient with him, as he probably will have a lot of guilt over his wife's death. Even though he isn't to blame, he'll probably wish he'd been with her over the last year."
"Oh," I said, wondering what she was talking about. "Why are you out of uniform?"
"My shift finished a little bit ago. However I wanted to stay. It helps if there is continuity of treatment."
"Thanks," I said wondering how much extra time she'd put in. Now she was putting in extra, looking after me. My thanks didn't seem enough, but I'd no idea what else to say.
"Are you finished?"
"I think so."
"Okay. Let's go find Beth."
Beth. At long last I'd see my sister. After Anna and Erika, Beth was the one other person in the world that knew about Jill. She didn't mind, sort of understood and, most importantly, had helped me when I asked for it. She never told tales on me and when the chips were down, would stand by me till the end. In some ways I missed Beth more than Anna and Erika. Last year I'd been without my father, my mother was now dead and I didn't know how Beth would be. How could my life get any worse?
"Will she survive?" I asked, as we made our way to see Beth.
"We can ask when we get there," replied Stacey. "Don't forget that Dr Patel said earlier that she was in a coma. I don't work in that ward, so I don't have the latest information."
When we walked into ICU, we had to ring a bell and we were let into the reception area. Here there was a desk with a nurse behind a computer monitor and a corridor leading to, what I presumed to be, where the patients were being treated.
"Hi, you must be Bill," said the nurse as she rose from behind the computer and approached me.
"Yes, how is Beth?" I asked, getting straight to the point.
"Why don't you have a seat, while I see if one of the nurses who are looking after her is available," smiled the nurse. "I understand your Dad will be down shortly."
"Can you stay with me for now?" I asked Stacey.
"I really shouldn't, as this isn't my ward," she said, "but I'll stay for a few moments, till the nurse comes."
"Thanks," I said, taking a seat on a chair. At least this one was padded and not like the monstrosities that were in Surgical Recovery.
"She will be with you in a few minutes," the ICU receptionist said on her return and then went back to hiding behind her monitor.
The minutes passed and a middle-aged nurse appeared. "Hi, I'm Wendy Roberts. I'm one of the nurses who've been taking care of your sister. Since she is in a coma, she's under supervision here, but when she wakes, she'll be moved to a normal ward."
"Oh. Do you know how long it will be before she'll wake up?"
"No," Wendy said in a matter-of-fact manner. "We have to just wait and see. It was only a minor injury and ..." Wendy's pager went off, making me jump.
"If you'll excuse me a minute. I need to just check on something."
With that, she was gone.
"Looks like I'll be here a bit longer," laughed Stacey.
"Sorry."
"It's okay." She paused and then asked in a quieter voice, "Does your Dad know about you?"
"Know what?"
"Since your Mum died, your mind has been elsewhere and you have been acting a lot more feminine. Since you weren't like that when you first came in, I assume it is something you know about and therefore you hide it when you want to."
"Oh," I whispered, a funny feeling swelling up my chest. I suddenly found myself crying buckets of tears. All the control of my emotions over Mum's death was freed as it was replaced by the thought of being exposed to my Dad. It would kill him, finding out about Jill, after how much else he'd just lost. My Dad loved me as Bill and I didn't know how I could take the chance of telling him and losing my only remaining parent. No, I decided I'd be Bill as planned.
"That is behind me now," I sobbed. "I need the love of my father."
"True, some parents aren't understanding, but I'm sure your Dad would be."
"How did you know?"
"You aren't the first person I've met who's dressed like you have and after I'd met a few, I began to see the signs. Don't worry, I won't tell anyone. It's just you are young and I thought it would help you to know that you aren't the only one - you aren't alone."
Just then Wendy re-appeared, her face lit up like the Christmas decorations that were rapidly disappearing. "I have some news that will cheer you up," she said, not knowing the reason for me being upset. "Beth has shown signs of starting to coming out of her coma."
"Starting?" I said rubbing the tears from my face with my school sweater. "I thought she would wake up, just as if she'd been asleep."
"No, it's not quite like that. Her mind is showing she is slipping to normal sleep. She will probably wake up for a little time, but slip back to sleep."
"Can I be with her?"
"You shouldn't be alone with her," firmly stated Wendy, obviously following the rulebook.
"Bill wasn't any problem when he was alone with his mother," interceded Stacey. "And this is ICU, where you'll be closely monitoring Beth anyway. How alone could Bill be?"
"I suppose, but ..."
"And his Dad will be here soon. It might help Beth if she hears a familiar voice."
"True, but ..."
"Well that's sorted then," smiled Stacey. She turned to me and said, "Good luck Bill. Now remember what I said about trust."
"Yes Stacey. Thanks."
"Anytime," she waved and disappeared out of ICU and out of my life.
After again being warned that Beth might seem worse than she was, I was taken to see her. There was a vast array of equipment monitoring her due to the coma. It all seemed very clinical, but at least I could see her.
"Hi Sis," I said, taking the seat that had been offered. There was no response. In some ways this seemed just like the scenario that I'd had with Mum seven hours ago. In some ways it seemed like another time, arriving at the hospital and hearing about Mum and Beth. In other ways, it seemed like it just happened.
"Well Sis, today certainly has been a day I never want to go through again. Yesterday afternoon, I thought that day would be the worst I'd ever been through and it turned out to be one of the best. Today, things are just the opposite."
"Keep it happy," said one of the nurses. "Most people find it difficult talking to someone who is non-responsive, but you got straight into it. Have you done it before?"
"I talked to my Mum for hours," I replied, trying not to let my emotions show.
"How is she doing now?"
"She died about an hour ago," I spat. I didn't mean to sound upset or bitter, but I couldn't help it. Was this nurse stupid? My sister was in a coma after being in a car accident with my mum. I blinked, trying to stop the tears but it just seemed to make them come quicker. My Mum, the rock of my life, was dead. I'd been denied my mother's help in my complicated future.
"I'm sorry," said the nurse, coming across to me. "I've just come on shift and wasn't aware what happened. By the way, I'm Ingrid."
"Beth won't die, will she?"
"She is doing very well," carefully informed Ingrid. "The neurologist, who examined her just before you came in, said that she was making good progress."
"Wendy, the nurse I saw earlier, said she was starting to slip out of the coma. I thought she would be awake and talking by now."
"Oh, heck, no. You've been watching too many films. It is a slow process. Her body has suffered a serious trauma and it will have taken a lot of energy out of her. She has a lot of drugs helping her, some of which act as heavy sedatives."
"Oh," I said sadly. I'd hoped to chat with Beth before Dad arrived.
"I'll tell you what; you chat with Beth, which will help her a lot and I will point out different stages of recovery as they occur. It would just bore you if I got all medical on you."
"Thanks," I said, turning back to Beth. She still looked the same as had moments before. Her left arm in plaster and cuts on her face were the only visible signs of the accident. I took her hand into mine and sighed, the whole situation reminded me of what I'd gone through several hours before.
"Why are her eyes taped shut?"
"They'll probably come off soon. If her eyes are left open they'll dry out or get dust in them. You can't blink while in a coma, so we keep them closed."
"Thanks," I said, pondering on all the small details that I'd never have thought of, which must be routine for these staff. I resolved there and then that if she started to come round, I wouldn't leave till she was awake. "Well Beth, I have some exciting news for you, Dad has come to see you. He is just with Mum for a little bit, but will be here shortly. I don't want to give everything away, but he looks a bit different from before. His hair is longer and there are a few other things, but he's still the same person."
I'm sure I felt her hand move slightly against mine. I doubt you could really call it a squeeze, but I'm sure I'd felt something. I looked at her in amazement and was sure I could see a small smile. Perhaps it was my imagination, but I'm sure she was trying to respond. I thought about calling Wendy, who had come into the room, or Ingrid, but didn't really want to disturb them.
Wendy must have noticed my glance around the room and asked, "Are you okay?"
"I think she tried to squeeze my hand," I said becoming excited. "Is that a smile?"
Wendy came across and took a look. "You know, I think you may well be right about that smile. I'm going to remove the tape keeping her eyes shut so she can start to focus as she comes round. Keep talking to her. You are doing great."
Wendy gently removed the tape; however her eyes stayed shut instead of springing open. I was helping my sister. I'd been with my mum when she died and I so wanted to help someone live. If my talking was really helping then I knew I'd talk to her all night if I had to. I again blocked out the rest of the room and gave my total concentration to Beth. Now what would Beth like, ah yes...
"Beth, how would you like to move to Milton Keynes? I hear they have a great shopping centre which is so close. Think of how rubbish the shops are locally to us and how long it takes got get to somewhere where they have a few decent shops. Anna said the other day that she caught the bus into Milton Keynes centre and she was there in fifteen minutes. It seems they have more shops in the one centre than what you've been used to and just opposite is a huge cinema complex, restaurants and enormous indoor ski slope."
I took a breath. There was no response. This was harder work than I thought. Until I'd been shopping with Anna and Erika, I'd tried to avoid shopping, so I wasn't really used to talking about it, especially to someone who wasn't responding.
"If we do move to Milton Keynes, which is likely at least, I will be near Anna and Erika again. Before Anna left, she took an interest in me playing the oboe and I'm thinking about teaching her. Hopefully it is something that we can do together. I've missed her so much since she left and was hoping that we could one day be together, I just never expected it to be so …"
I got another squeeze, this time it was a bit stronger. There was no doubt in my mind that it was her. My sister was regaining consciousness.
"That's it, Beth. Can you hear me? Squeeze my hand again." I encouraged, my voice again rising in pitch as I almost willed her to answer. She didn't and I didn't get another squeeze. She'd always been the more obstinate of the two of us.
"Another squeeze?" asked Wendy.
"Yes. It was a bit stronger this time." I replied without looking up.
"I think I saw a smile," said a familiar voice behind me.
"Dad!" I said with a jump. "I didn't hear you come in."
"I've only been here a few moments and I didn't want to disturb you. You're doing so well and it seems like it is helping your sister."
"Why don't you have a turn," I said as Dad pulled up a chair. "I've been talking nonstop and I'm sure she's tired of listening to me."
"I don't know what to talk about." Dad seemed at a loss as what to say.
"Why don't you tell her about Milton Keynes?" I suggested. "Or some of your trips away?"
"Okay, now let me see. Okay, as you know, I live in Milton Keynes. I've got a three bedroom house in one of the southern areas. Anna and Erika live less than a mile from my house. Apart from my job with Planetwide, I've been helping out by teaching part-time at a school not far away."
"Really?" I interrupted my Dad. "Why didn't you tell us before?"
"Really. I didn't say because you'd want to join and it would have upset you because you couldn't."
"Er, why would I want to go to that school?"
"Because they have a great orchestra which is so good that it goes abroad a few times a year and plays concerts."
"Wow, can I go there?"
"See?" he laughed. "I said you'd want to go, and the answer is no, because the school's full."
"Awws," I said, feeling disappointed. The orchestra at the school I went to was okay, but it was nothing special. The county orchestra was more fun and I was hoping that I would be able to apply to the national youth orchestra, but when there had been an opening for an oboe player, I didn't feel I was ready."
"Are you ready now?"
"I think I'm good enough to try," I said carefully. "Playing with the county orchestra just proved to me that I'm doing better than I thought. Sure the music is harder and the quality expected higher, but I never struggle."
"Well, we'll have to see what opportunities come up to stretch your skills."
I wondered what Dad meant by that. He didn't say anything, but waited for me to finish my thoughts. I never finished them as I was interrupted by a noise coming from the bed. Beth's eyes were flickering as if she was trying to open them, but didn't quite have the energy. I grasped hold of Dad's hand with excitement as we both watched and listened.
"Jill," eventually came a weak voice. It was obviously a great strain and she drifted back to sleep.
"Who's Jill?" Dad asked.
My heart sank. Did he know? His face was inquisitive so he probably didn't know. "A friend of hers," I replied, mentally crossing my fingers.
"I missed so much being away," said Dad sadly, fresh tears in his eyes. "Beth never mentioned her on the phone. I've probably missed so much over the last year."
"It's not your fault," I said, trying to cheer him up. It didn't work as Dad just shook his head, tears falling gently down his face. "I've missed a year of your lives, and the last year of your mum's. I can never regain what I lost."
"Then look forward to the next few years, when the three of us can be together."
* * *
Jill stopped her tale, as she unexpectedly broke down.
"Jill, Jill, it's okay," said Anna, flinging her arms around her distraught partner.
Jill just continued to sob, her body quivering uncontrollably. Nothing Anna or anybody else in the room could say anything to console her.
"What set her off?" Paula whispered to Emma.
It had obviously not been whispered quietly enough, as Jill said, "But we won't spend the next few years together. I will never see my sister again and outside school lessons, I can't see Julia. Julia is just a teacher to me now, not a parent."
"What do you mean?" Wesley asked.
"It's getting late," David interrupted. "Why don't we all go to bed and let Jill recover a bit."
Jessica stared at David intently and said, "Jill, it'll be okay. You'll see your sister again when you finish school."
"No I won't," Jill cried, the tears that had started to dry erupting once again. "We can never see our families again."
The room filled with questions as everybody seemed to want to talk at once. Helen shrugged her shoulders and shouted, "QUIET!" When the hullaballoo decreased she said gravely, "Jill's right, we'll never see our friends and family again."
"Is this a Hayfield Hall rule, or is it the same at The Manor?" Cassandra asked Melissa.
"I'm not aware that we're banned from seeing our family after we've finished," answered Melissa. "I'll ask tomorrow."
"I've just talked to Rachel," David interjected. "She said that she and someone called Ellen will be right down. Who's Ellen?"
"Dr Ellen Hansen is the chief psychiatrist at The Manor," explained Melissa. "Who's Rachel?"
"Rachel is Dr Rachel Ruiz. She is our head psychiatrist."
"So how do you know about it?" Jessica asked Helen.
"On the first day we arrived, David worked it out. He mentioned it to Rachel and she explained it to us. Since study partners don't have secrets, I was told. I was devastated, as I was very close to my family."
"So why didn't you tell us?" demanded Emma.
"Because we were asked not to. Heck, I wasn't ready to be told. Do you think you would have been?"
"No," eventually admitted Emma. "I don't think I'm ready now. I suppose it's too late to change my mind about coming here?"
"Would you really want to leave?" asked Paula in apparent fright.
"I love the school," she said slowly. "But I miss my family, especially my sister Sarah."
There was a sharp rap on the door. Helen looked around and asked, "Everyone ready?"
"Let them in," a few voices said. With no dissenters, Helen opened the door, letting in not just two stonily faced psychiatrists, but the two serious heads of school.
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One of the secrets is out, but are others safe? A sightseeing trip invokes a feeling of déjá vu.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 27
"Calm down," bristled Mr Hobson, positioning some seats at the front of the room. "We can't answer questions if we get them all at once. Let's deal with some fundamentals first and then we'll take it from there. Emma, you look like you're about to explode if you don't ask first, so ask away."
"Are we never able to see our families again? I mean, I know we are at the school fulltime till we finish year five, but I mean afterwards?"
"Correct," he sadly replied. "I'll explain more in a bit."
Instead of the expected uproar there was silence. I squeezed Helen's hand, knowing how hard this was for her. She squeezed back. She wouldn't cry now, but I knew she would as soon as we got to our bedrooms.
"Does this rule also apply to The Manor?" Melissa asked plaintively, breaking the silence.
All of the students looked up at the staff with sad or stunned eyes, waiting for the response, dreading the answer they now suspected.
"Yes," Mr Moore replied bluntly. "I will never see my daughter again, either."
Erika jumped to her feet, and I suspect she wanted to throw herself into her dad's arms, but was quickly dragged back to her chair by her friends.
I was surprised there wasn't a revolt, but we just sat there, pondering how this news was changing our lives. Had we become so conditioned to the ways of the school that we knew emotional outbreaks wouldn't help, but a calm response worked better? Perhaps, or maybe a lot were in shock and things would be worse later. I hoped they weren't, as I love this school.
"I know this has been a shock to a lot of you," started Mr Hobson, interrupting my thoughts. "There are many reasons for this rule, but let's take a simple example. Jessica, how would you feel if you had to go back to being Richard?"
"I couldn't," she said in horror.
"Don't worry, I'm not asking you to. Okay, so if you went home as Jessica, how would your parents feel about it?"
"Dad would kill me. Well, not literally, I hope. He would certainly disown me."
"Would he keep the knowledge to himself?"
"I doubt it. He would probably moan to his friends about it."
"What would happen if the press got hold of it?"
"There would be a political stink," I said, when Jessica didn't respond. "The school would probably be closed due to rightwing pressure."
"Like what nearly happened in America," Melisa muttered.
"The move of the school?" I asked.
"You know about that?" asked Ellen, sounding surprised.
"How much do you think some of your students know about things you don't expect?" Mr Hobson queried, trying to sound innocent.
"Too many," laughed Mr Moore. "That's the problem with having schools filled with exceptionally talented students."
"Melisa, how much do you know about the school move?" queried Ellen.
"Not much. We were the first year to join after the move. The older students won't talk about it, but from what I can gather, it wasn't a fun time."
"No, it wasn't. All I will say is that a lot of the students were filled with fear. Due to a breakdown in security, we had to leave our old school very quickly and we were homeless for three months. There was no longer the safety that the school gives to learn about ourselves. The students and staff vowed that they would never let that happen again."
"What happened?"
"I wasn't there then, nor was Mr Moore, so we don't know the full story."
"I do," said Mr Hobson. "I was drafted in to help. I think it is something you should all hear, so get comfortable."
"You do know the time, don't you?" interrupted Rachel, knowing Mr Hobson could ramble on.
"Yes, I know it is way past curfew already, but this is important. Okay, to tell the story I really need to go back to the beginning of 2002, when the school was in a small sleepy town called Marshallville, in Ohio. In England we'd probably call it a village, as it only had a population of just over 800 people."
Over the next hour, Mr Hobson related a story of betrayal and the fight for survival. At the end, most of us were numb with shock. There had been a lot of tears and anger over that hour, but one thing everybody understood was the need for secrecy.
"Poor Lizy," were the first words spoken. This was met by near universal nods.
"I'm glad I'm at a school which looks after its pupils," uttered Emma. "It will be hard not to see my family again, but that is something I'm willing to agree to. It will be harder for people like Paula, who don't plan on changing their gender."
"Gregory hadn't changed his gender and look at what havoc he caused," replied Paula, giving Emma a friendly nudge for trying to help her partner. "It has to be one rule for everybody. It is fairer like that."
"What happened to Gregory?" asked Melissa.
"He's attending High School in his home town of Idaho Falls," answered Ellen. "He fell in with a bad crowd and his dad had to bail him out a few times. He never achieved the full potential, which he was showing here. He knows he's hurt a lot of people and is now trying to do better."
"How-"
"How do I know all this? It's because a friend of mine is his psychiatrist. We've arranged for him to attend a local university where I'll take over his care. He doesn't know I'm attached to the school, or it would be too much of a risk. He was a pupil at the school and the school doesn't stop caring just because you aren't at the school. He has lots of issues, which I can't talk about. I just hope we can get him back."
"Now off to bed," ordered Mr Hobson. "It is very late, so do it silently. You don't want to wake the rest of the school."
Helen and I were the last ones to leave the year-one common-room, making sure that all of our year, especially Jill, would be okay. It had been a strange day and I wondered if tomorrow, well really later today, would be any better.
As soon as the door to Helen's bedroom closed, she fell into my arms and burst into tears. I didn't need to ask what was wrong. I knew she was missing her parents and the conversation we'd just had, reminded her how much she had lost. She had gained other things, but was it enough? I couldn't really answer that, only Helen could and there was no way I was going to ask.
Eventually she started to squirm. "Go to the toilet," I ordered. As she reluctantly trotted off, I called after her, "And get ready for bed. I'll be back in a few minutes."
As she complied, I went to my room to get myself ready. I knew what would help distract her mind and chose the appropriate clothes from the right-hand side of my wardrobe. I just hoped that she was feeling distracted enough by the morning. Tomorrow would be hard enough without special requests.
Morning arrived far too early, primarily because we forgot to reset the alarm and it woke us up for our morning cycle. I'd persuaded Helen to try morning runs, after Christmas, just to make a change. The bit of morning exercise had become somewhat of a habit, so even with as little sleep as we'd had, it still felt good to get out into the bracing winter air.
At breakfast we all looked tired, but the poor Americans looked like death. They'd looked fine when we all went to bed. Since it was Mix-up Monday, I didn't recognise a lot of them. Since they were very good at it, I guess they started in year A.
"I think we need nametags," Christopher (Helen) said heartily.
"Are you okay?" I asked Bill (Jill) as he appeared with Alan (Anna). It looked like they were both holding each other together.
"We'll survive. Last night was a very heavy session and got more out of me than all the months of therapy. Do you think everyone will be okay with what was said last night?"
"Last night was a shock for everyone. Only time will tell if anybody has issues. I'll talk to the others later."
We could tell who people were by where they sat at the tables and I pulled up a list of aliases for year D. This was going to be confusing. There were two empty places where Emma and Paula normally sat. I was beginning to fear the worst and was about to make a call to make sure they were okay, when they appeared. Both as boys. This was a big improvement over the last Mix-up Monday, where Emma hadn't felt able to join in.
I jumped up and rushed across to Emma, sorry, Ian and gave him a hug. "Are you okay?"
"This will be hard, but I think I'll be okay. I've had quite some time to think about things and I think I'll live for one day."
As we all tucked into our breakfast, Clara (Paul) commented, "Wow, Jayne. You seem to do so well as a girl. Since you all have only been doing this for a few months, you do it very well."
Rykan (Melissa) stepped in immediately. "Clara, say you're sorry immediately. For all you know, that could be very upsetting."
"I'm fine," I sighed. "There is no need to apologise. I'm still trying to work things out. I've been told I am more passable as a girl than a boy, but I don't think being a girl is for me. I was born David and I don't really want to change, even though I would probably fit in better. I can do a very masculine David, but that doesn't feel right, either. Heck, I had to do boy lessons to achieve it."
"I'm sorry. I'm always talking before I think. I was just trying to compliment you."
"I know," I replied, putting on a disarming smile. "I tell you what. I will be fully David tomorrow, so you can see what I'm like."
"You don't have to."
"I know I don't, but it would be good for me to not forget all the lessons I've learned."
"We're off to London tomorrow, to have a practice in the hall we will sing at," mentioned Rykan.
"I've never been out fully as David," I mused. "I wonder if it would be possible to tag along?"
"If you do get permission, then I'll try to come as Christopher," said Christopher. "It is time he had a trip outside. I'll have the check with Rachel, to make sure I'm passable enough."
This discussion carried on till after breakfast. It seemed that none of us 'Brits' had ever been into London, apart from the concert. As we were leaving for our first lesson, we walked passed Mr Hobson.
"Sir," said Christopher, attracting his attention. "It seems the American students are having a practice in London tomorrow and then doing a bit of sightseeing. Since none of us have seen London, can we tag along?"
"Let me have a think about it," was his eventual reply. "I'll let you know at lunch."
Lessons were obviously more packed and the American students thought some of the teaching practices were a bit strange, but they soon got into the swing of things. It was during my solo computer lesson with Julia when things got interesting, well for me anyway. While waiting for Julia I realised wasn't alone. Instead a small boy joined me, also apparently waiting for Julia.
"Hello," I said, surprised for once that I wasn't one of the smallest in the school.
"I'm er, I'm Jeff."
"I'm Jayne, though I normally go by the name David. Are you supposed to be here, little one?"
"Ouch!" I said, as I was kicked in the shins. "What was that for?"
"Sorry, I hate that nickname. Look, my name is normally Matilda, and if you want to call me something else, then Munchkin is my normal nickname."
"Ah, sorry. I didn't know your male name. Matilda is a name that I've heard of. You're supposed to be a bit of a wiz on computers and bypassing other security systems," I said with a slight yawn.
"It often gets me into trouble," he agreed. "Are you okay, you look a bit tired?"
"Last night was a hard night."
"Is it true that someone told all of Year D the secret that they would never be able to see their families again?"
"Sorry?"
"Look, I know the truth. I'm just too nosy for my own good. I like a challenge and when there is a mystery, I like to get to the bottom of things."
"Now isn't a good time. The person involved is Julia's child, and Julia will be here in a moment."
"Ah."
When Julia arrived, she got straight down to business, so we couldn't continue our chat. "Jeff, poking around on the main security of the network is not allowed. I've noticed over a dozen attempts to bypass the primary security setup since you have arrived. You have a port in your room that is clearly linked to the separate hacking network, but you haven't even touched that. Therefore, I can only assume that you are trying to gain access to restricted resources."
"I was just-"
"No excuses. You were told what the rules here are, weren't you?"
"Yes, but-"
"Then I want a report by tomorrow morning detailing what you attempted and why, sectioned by each attempt. Since this is only your second day, you shouldn't have forgotten what you have done. From what I've been told, you have a lot of knowledge, but are still catching up with the descriptions of what different things are. During the weeks you are here, I'm going to let you loose on some European systems, which should give you exposure to different issues you don't have in America. Jayne hasn't had access to these systems yet either, so it should be a challenge."
"What's the format of these sessions?"
"You should both work together on it. You have full access to the library of technical information. All you will be given is an IP address. From that, you need to work out what system it is, bypass the security and tell me the secret phrase I have hidden somewhere in the system. As always in these workshops, I'm here to answer any question you might have. There are full system specs in the online library."
"So, I'm allowed to hack here?"
"As long as you do it on the hacking network. Now here are the details. Let me see what you can do."
We started and after a few minutes we realised the first catch, "This box isn't in English, is it?"
"You are doing great so far, but you aren't thinking laterally enough. Let me go over what you've done and you tell me why you did them."
I always found trying to justify my gut instincts hard, and I was pleased that the young man next to me was having just as much trouble.
As the lesson finished, Julia said, "Jeff, I look forward to reading your report tomorrow, over breakfast."
"You were serious about that?"
"Very. I'm sure Jayne will fill you in. I believe in learning from our actions, both when they are compliant to school rules and when they flagrantly breach them. The time we learn best is from our mistakes. Since I know about your activities you have made a few blunders, but I'm sure there have been times where you haven't blundered. By detailing them, not only do I learn how to make the system more secure, you learn what you did right."
"Am I in trouble?" came the little question that sounded so much like a worried little girl.
"That has yet to be decided. It helps that you didn't try to say 'That wasn't me'."
"Yes, Miss."
"When it is just students, I am Julia. When teachers are around then it is Ms Toms."
"Yes Julia."
"One thing before you go, how are you coping since you have arrived?"
"I'm fine, thanks."
"Since Erika in year D joined your school nine months ago, have you spoken much with her?"
"Not really. She's two years ahead of me."
"You, Erika and another girl who goes to Hayfield called Jill, all have something in common."
"What's that?"
"You all have parents who you see everyday, but are no longer able to have a relationship with them."
"Is Jill your daughter?"
"Yes, she is. I have been speaking with Ellen about it and we thought it might help all of you to have a sort of club, as it were."
"Can I think about it? They are much older than me."
"Sure. It was just a suggestion for a group where you can talk about an issue most other students don't even understand."
When Julia had gone, Jeff turned to me and asked, "Julia is Jill's mother?"
"Not quite. Julia is actually Jill's father."
"What? Julia is a man?"
"No, Julia suffered from Gender Dysphoria and had her Gender Reassignment Surgery last year."
"Wow, that's amazing. I would never have guessed."
"There is a lot more to Jill's story than that, but now isn't the time to talk about it. Why don't we meet up tomorrow at eleven, and continue trying to crack this box. I think Julia has given us a nasty one to start us off with."
"I can't do it tomorrow. The Manor has a practice in London for the concert."
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. How about Wednesday evening then? I have my personal music lesson at eleven this Wednesday."
"Sounds great. Are you, Helen, Fran, Ingrid, Andy and Stacy hanging with us tomorrow?"
I stared at him, but he just gave an impish smile and disappeared towards the dining room. I hurried after him, not wanting to be late.
"Can I have everyone's attention?" asked Mr Hobson, before the meal started. The people who hadn't seen him stand, quickly stopped nattering.
"Tomorrow the American students are practicing at the church of St Martin-in-the-Fields. For those who don't know, the church is in the heart of London, on the edge of Trafalgar Square. Some of the Year D students approached me after breakfast, asking if they could tag along, as they haven't had the opportunity to see anything of London. I think it would be a great opportunity for all the students at Hayfield Hall, so we shall all go. The coaches will leave after breakfast."
The conversation over lunch mainly consisted of what was in London and what we could persuade the teachers to let us see. The science museum sounded fun, but I really wanted to go up on the London Eye.
After afternoon lessons, we had our first joint music rehearsal. The orchestra was moved from the stage, to just below it, to give room for the choir. The stage wasn't big enough for both. At the front, there was a discussion going on between the two music teachers and the two student conductors.
"Okay everyone. As everyone from The Manor knows, my name is William, or when I'm not dressed in male clothes, I'm Roberta. We will start with a simple play through of each segment of The Armed Man and see how we sound. Since we've practiced separately, I'm sure the two schools will have interpreted it differently, so a little correction might be needed by the players as it will be played to my standard."
'Wow,' I thought to myself. 'She certainly has confidence in what she is saying.'
"Have all the singers got their headsets? If not, I would quickly get them while the orchestra finish setting up."
There were a few worried faces as singers scampered off to their rooms. William didn't sound like someone to mess with. I looked around at the expanded orchestra, taking in the vastly expanded numbers. It would certainly be a different sound. I wondered what the headsets were for. Since there were no speakers, I came to the theory that William used it to communicate individually with the singers.
"Are we all ready?" asked William as the singers retook their places.
William raised his hands and the sound of a marching army filled the room. As the lyrics started, sung in French, of the fifteenth century L'Homme Armé, I got a strange feeling that the voices were closer than expected.
There were other puzzled looks, but the music continued. I racked my brains and I could only come to one conclusion. I whipped out my PDA and sure enough the singing was emanating from it. The words 'MATILDA!' screamed through my head.
Before I got chance to try and block it, teachers came running into the hall. They had the good grace to wait till we'd finished the first movement before Mr Hobson interrupted the proceedings.
"What's going on?" he bellowed. "All the PDA's were outputting your rehearsal."
I looked at the choir and saw Jeff trying to look invisible. It obviously didn't work, as Ellen asked, "I would like the person who patched the headsets into the PDA system to see me in my office after the rehearsal. William, I know the practice has just started, would it be possible to give everyone a ten minute break so that the computer system can be put right?"
"Of course, Miss. Did we sound alright?"
"You sounded great, but I think it was a shock to the kitchen staff. I heard one of them dropped their spoon into the soup."
When all the teachers had gone, we all burst out laughing. Over the laughter, William said, "Okay, who was supposed to watch over Jeff?" There was more laughter, as someone in year B sheepishly raised her hand.
The rest of the rehearsal went without a hitch, as a pleasant silence emanated from the PDA's. Just as we finished, our PDA's signalled a delay in our evening meal, so we all trouped to our respective common rooms.
"So Jayne, how did Jeff do it?" asked Austin (Erika), after I'd poured over system configurations.
"Jeff is one smart cookie. It took quite a lot of ingenuity to do what he did. I take it this isn't the first time?"
"I thought you would have been warned."
"Oh, I'd heard rumours, though I can't understand why she did it," I replied, for some reason not wanting to reveal everything. I decided it would be a good idea to change the subject. "So what are you going to be singing at your London concert?"
"The Messiah."
"Oh, a nice piece for this time of year," said Bill(Jill). "It should be nice to hear some of it at the practice tomorrow. I doubt we'll be able to see the final production."
"I think we'll be doing a special show the night before," Rykan (Melissa) informed us.
"I never thought I'd see you back as Bill," said Austin(Erika), with a hint of admiration in her voice. "Most people who transition pick a different name, but you didn't, why?"
"Why should I?" shrugged Bill. "I never plan to have GRS. Don't forget, I just have a medical condition that makes my body look feminine. I have working male parts and I plan to keep them."
That resulted in a big hug from Alan(Anna) and a few cushions were thrown at the soppy couple. There was no doubt that they weren't just study partners.
"Let's go and get our tea," I said as I stood up. "If we start a cushion fight, we will definitely be late."
"Spoil sport," said Christopher(Helen), sticking out his tongue.
During the meal I glanced over to where year-B were sitting. Jeff looked slightly down, but not as if she'd been given a big bollocking. I still couldn't understand why she'd done it. She knew not to tamper with the network.
As we traipsed out of the dining room, I saw Jeff just ahead, so quickly went across, signalling to Christopher that I would join them in a few moments.
"Jeff," I said as I approached.
"Please don't have a go at me," he begged, his face falling.
"Don't worry, I'm not. What you did was quite ingenious, but besides making sure you were okay, I just wanted to ask one question. Why?"
"At my school we have the music coming out of speakers in the hall. Since you didn't have any, I set them to come out of the PDA's — it was the only output I could think of."
"Why didn't you just ask?"
"I suppose I should have," he replied, getting upset. The boy who was standing next to him didn't say anything, but just wrapped his arms around him.
"Look Munchkin," I said, hoping that using the nickname would calm things down. "We are supposed to work as a team, not individuals. Now why don't you see Mrs Russell, who is our music teacher, and see if she has something."
"Will you come with me?"
"If you want," I said with a little smile. I'd only known Jeff since earlier today and yet I was already beginning to see that under the knowledge, there was still a frightened child. I checked my PDA and saw that Mrs Russell was still at the school, so asked, "Do you want to do it now?"
"Thanks, Jayne. You're cool. Can Hunter come too?"
"The more the merrier, though don't expect it to be exciting. We are only asking if she has a speaker system that can be installed."
When we got to the room, she was just preparing to leave. "Is now a bad time?"
"I'm not in a rush," she smiled. "How can I help?"
"Jeff here, was telling me that normally they have speakers in their hall, which they output the singing through and I was wondering if you could help."
"Mmm, let me see what I can get hold of," she said thoughtfully. "We want to make sure that the Americans have everything they need. I'd have arranged something, if someone had told me."
"That’s very kind," I said.
"Do you know if any of the children at Immigration Manor know anything about sound equipment?" Mrs Russell asked the two Americans.
"Marshal is the best bet," said Hunter, after some thought. "I think he normally gets involved with things like that at the concerts, though we won't need anything at this concert, as we'll be in a church."
"Then I will speak with him tomorrow morning."
"Thanks," I said, ushering the other two out of the room. Another issue solved, which gave me a nice warm feeling.
* * *
The next day, breakfast was early, so we could all leave in good time. We wanted to be there about ten, and it seems there are always traffic issues getting into London. There was a morning prayer at eight, or I think they would have tried to get us there earlier.
There was one issue with transporting so many children; you needed a lot of transport. As we walked out of the entrance, we found a convoy of coaches waiting for us. As they snaked down the roads towards the capital, the general chatting and laughter gave way to singing. It didn't seem long before we were arriving in Trafalgar Square.
"So where's this church?" asked Sam.
"Look to the left," laughed Christopher, who was pointing out of the windows.
Poor Sam turned bright red at missing the big building that looked remarkably like a church. I suppose he hadn't expected a church to be situated in the corner of one of England's most famous areas.
"Okay, listen up," said Dan from the front. "Since there are so many of you, there will be two people looking after you today. Besides having my wit and charm-"
All the Hayfield children burst out in friendly laughter.
"Keep it down," he smiled. "We are lucky to have Mr Black with us who will, I'm sure, keep you all in line."
I leaned across to Melissa and asked, "Is he one of your regular teachers?"
"No. He's just someone who comes along and helps with the field trips, why?"
"I just wondered," I said, my thoughts beginning to solidify.
"What are you up to?" hissed Christopher. He knew me too well.
"Nothing, Darling."
"Yeah right. Remember, no secrets."
I thought about sticking out my tongue at him, but since Dan was nearby, I refrained. "Do you remember Mr Taylor?"
"You reckon?" Christopher asked, giving me a look of disbelief
"I reckon, but I'm sure we'll find out later."
"How?"
"Because when is a better time to sneak round the area, than when you have a bunch of kids with you for a rehearsal."
"But is it right for them to be sneaking around the UK? Aren't we all supposed to be allies?"
"I'm sure we would be checking things in America, if they thought we needed to. Anyway, I might be wrong."
The orchestra needed, was only small, like when we played the Sinfonia Concertante. There were strings, oboe, bassoon, trumpet, harpsichord and organ. The singers took their places behind the orchestra. After a little shuffling, they were soon singing and we all sat back to soak in their fabulous sound. This was a complete non-stop run through, which included the two breaks.
The only time things stumbled was at the end of the second part. They started to sing what is probably the most famous chorus in the whole piece, The Hallelujah. When it started, Jill stood up which amazed those that were sitting near her.
"What are you doing?" hissed Christopher.
"Its tradition," replied Jill. "You stand for The Hallelujah."
Who were we to mess with tradition? This information spread to the rest of the students and soon all the audience were standing. If the singers were expecting it or not, it didn't show. They didn't miss a beat and sung their hearts out.
After the rehearsal, we got into our year groups and headed off to see the sights. Since none of us knew London we were totally at the mercy of Dan. I was glad I wasn't one of year C, as they were unlucky enough to have Mr Hobson as a guide and when he gets going, he can go on a bit.
"So where are we going?" asked Jessica.
"We'll start off heading towards St James Palace," explained Dan, "work our way past The Ritz and then across, towards Buckingham Palace. We'll stop first in Haymarket so we can get something to eat."
"Can we eat at The Ritz instead?" asked Elaine.
I'm sure I saw a shudder of fear from Dan and Mr Black. "No," choked Dan. "I think I'd be fired if I came back with the expenses that high."
"Shame," added Daphne. "It would have been a nice story to tell the others."
"Perhaps we could get Matilda to manipulate the reservations?" I added innocently.
"NO!" shouted everyone from The Manor at once.
After we'd filled ourselves up with Italian food, we made our way towards St James Palace. As we walked along Pall Mall, I said to Dan, "This is a great idea to see these things."
"Don't thank me," said Dan. "Mr Black suggested it might be nice to see where some of the lesser royals live."
I pulled back and watched Mr Black in action. Before we made it to the palace, he seemed very interested in one of the buildings on the right.
"Very nice architecture, isn't it?" I said, falling beside Mr Black. I saw Christopher blanch at my near repeat of the tactic I'd used in Paris.
"Indeed," he replied.
"Shame the door is shut, I'm sure it would be even more interesting to see what the inside is like."
"I'm sure it would be."
"It's good to have a dry run before the concert," I added, after a few moments silence. I'd hoped I wouldn't need the extra prodding, but he seemed as immune to my subtle techniques as Mr Taylor. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Christopher making strangling signs.
"Hasn't Mr Hobson taught you when to keep quiet?" Mr Black asked, staring very coldly at me.
We approached a corner and we could see the guard outside St James Palace just ahead. As I was about to respond to Mr Black, by telling him I was just referring to the practice the students had, Mavis Brown, the lady from MI6 came into sight.
"Remember your role as a teacher," I hissed quickly to Mr Black and shouted to Christopher, "I bet I can make the guard laugh before you can."
Christopher quickly cottoned on and shouted to the others, "Hey you guys, quick come and help judge!"
"Oy, you two, behave!" shouted Mr Black, fitting in with his role.
The students had rushed across the road, all behaving like normal school children would, rather than ones that had been drilled into being model students.
Mavis gave a snort, turned and entered the building that Mr Black had been interested in. I saw he tried to get a good look inside, but he didn't have a very good angle. Since I did, I turned to take a picture of Christopher using my PDA, and also got a few good shots of the inside and forwarded them to Mr Hobson. I'm sure he would have some technique to enhance them, if he thought the Americans should have them.
"First, the sightseeing trip in Paris and now the one in London," snapped Dan, as he approached us. "I'm not sure if you're fit to have as year leaders."
I didn't say anything, as I couldn't tell Dan the reason we'd misbehaved. Jill spoke up, "I don't think I'd want anybody other than our existing year leaders."
"Me neither," came responses from the others in the year.
"We chose them," said Jessica. "I still think they help us more than anyone else could."
"I don't think now's a good time to discuss this, so let's continue the tour," sighed Dan.
As we walked passed The Ritz, I managed to get next to Mr Black. "That was Mavis Brown," I said. "She's MI6."
"Thanks," he said. "I did recognise her, and thank you for your distraction. You do know that I'm going to have to report this discussion. Sorry."
"I know," I sighed. "And since neither of us can explain the situation to the other students, I will need to be punished."
When we got back to the school, Mr Hobson came onto our bus. "David and Christopher, I would like to see you in my office immediately."
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After saving the day in London, will David and Christopher still get punished?
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 28
We were left stewing in a waiting room. Our PDA's had been confiscated and there was no clock, so we had no idea how long we'd been waiting.
"Sorry I got you involved," I eventually said to Christopher. I'd been thinking about the day, trying to think of a way of not being punished while not revealing the truth.
"We stick together. I could strangle you for the way you baited Mr Black, but I don't know how else you could have distracted Ms Brown. Do you think she recognised us?"
"When we were at the concert we were Jayne and Helen. Today we were two boys. I think there might have been more repercussions if she had suspected. The only other person she might have recognised from the concert is Jill, but Jill was surrounded by others, so it is unlikely."
"I think she must suspect the school is up to something, the way she tried to bug the concert."
"At first I thought the school worked for someone like MI6," I said after a few moments thought. "However, the more I think about the situation, I'm not sure. Why would the American's be involved if it was?"
"Well, please don't ask when we get called in," begged Christopher. "We don't want Mr Hobson having a heart attack."
"I'll behave," I promised. I regretted that almost as soon as I said it. 'Perhaps I should have crossed my fingers when I said that. No, that would have been wrong. Christopher / Helen is my partner. I can't betray her. I'd be betraying myself.'
We slipped back into silence, awaiting our fate. Eventually Christopher began to fidget, because the seats were so uncomfortable. His bottom was more padded than mine, but it seemed to have affected him first. I was going to ask if he would like to sit on my knee, but never got the chance as the door swung open, revealing Stacy.
"They're ready for you," was all she said.
"They?" I asked as we followed.
Stacy didn't say anything, but led us silently towards Mr Hobson's office. It felt like we were being marched to our funerals. Christopher's face looked terrified as we approached the door. I hoped my terror didn't show.
"Keep your head up," Christopher whispered after taking a deep breath. "We did it right."
Christopher's face cleared and I drew comfort from that as we walked into the room, our heads held high. Sitting there on the settees were Mr Hobson, Mr Taylor, Mr Moore and Mr Black. Stacy didn't enter the room, but closed the door behind us.
There were two old wooden chairs opposite, which I presumed were for us. "You wanted to see us?" I said, not taking the seat until it was offered.
"Please sit down," said Mr Hobson, indicating the chairs. As we sat down, Mr Taylor gave a little smile and a wink. My confidence grew. "You have been asked here to try and explain your behaviour this afternoon."
"Sir?"
"You made insinuating comments about my interest in looking at a certain property. You also said that I was scouting the area," grumbled Mr Black.
"I did not," I said indignantly, hoping I wouldn't get into trouble for being impudent. "I remarked on how lovely the architecture of London is. I'd never seen such ornate property before and Mr Black seemed to be showing a similar interest. I then commented how good it was to have a dry run; referring to the choir practice we'd just witnessed."
Mr Black coloured slightly, as he realised that he'd assumed what I actually had meant. Mr Hobson however was a fair man and burst out laughing. "I'll give you ten points for having the gall, but I can't give you anything for originality."
"What?" asked a puzzled Mr Moore.
"He used exactly the same technique on me in Paris," laughed Mr Taylor. "I'm just glad I wasn't the only one he spotted."
"David and Christopher are members of our Beta team," continued Mr Hobson. "David is very observant and spotted Mavis Brown planting a device at a school concert."
"So that's how you knew Mavis. I thought it was strange."
"I want to know what she was doing there," moaned Mr Moore. "She doesn't work in that building and should have no business there. In fact apart from the occasional researcher, that building is normally empty."
"Since Mavis planted that device at the school, she at least suspects that the school is more than it publicly appears," said Christopher, revealing our previous thoughts. "Now, with her appearing somewhere where you wanted to get some information, it appears you have a leak."
"Explain yourself!" Mr Black sat up, looking at me with deep interest.
"Since we've joined the school there have been two apparent leaks. The first involves Jessica's and Wendy's parents. The second appears to involve Mavis. Though I'm not sure how they are linked."
There was silence while everyone pondered on Christopher's thoughts. Mr Hobson broke the silence by uttering the single word, 'Russia'.
"I know Mavis specialises in Russian affairs," said Mr Black, "but how does that affect Jessica and Wendy's parents?"
"They spent a few years in Russia," informed Mr Hobson, "including the children. Jessica and Wendy both speak fluent Russian. I believe that Jessica is slightly embarrassed about that fact and has been hiding it."
"The bitch," Christopher thought out loud and then apologised when he'd realised what he'd said. The four adults just grinned at us.
"I'm sure you will have good fun, now you know the truth," laughed Mr Hobson.
"If Mavis has been tipped off," continued Mr Taylor, "then there is a leak somewhere and they are close enough to the students to have information regarding Jessica and Wendy's skill in Russian. It's a shame that the chat we had with their parents didn't help. They didn't recognise any pictures we showed them and the name they had also didn't match anybody at the school."
"You don't think Jessica and Wendy are in danger, do you?" I asked, worried for their safety.
"No, and if I did, then I would send them to one of the other schools for their safety."
'Other schools?' I thought to myself. 'Interesting.'
"Since it appears we have been compromised, I'm cancelling the planned excursion," said Mr Black. "It might make her think the information she's been given is wrong. However, we will still do the concert, so whoever is leaking the information doesn't know we are onto them." I couldn't believe they were talking so freely in front of us.
"Also the students then wouldn't think something strange was happening. I don't think you've ever cancelled a concert. Anyway it's a real shame the excursion is cancelled," said Mr Hobson, producing some rather nice large photographs. "Just after David went to all that trouble to get some nice photographs of the inside of the target."
"How did you do that?" gasped Mr Black.
"When you thought we were fooling around, we were doing two things. Firstly, we were trying to divert Mavis from thinking we were anything other than a normal rabble of school children. Secondly, I took advantage of the great angle I was in and took the pictures. I forwarded them to Mr Hobson, as I didn't know how much he wanted you to know."
"We work in partnership," said Mr Taylor. "It isn't deemed fair, or safe, to investigate in our own country, but we never stop other schools doing so and always give as much assistance as we can."
"Since the others can't know why we did what we -" started Christopher.
"You're still going to have to be seen to be punished," finished Mr Hobson, handing back our PDA's. "You will be informed of your punishment tonight. Can I come to your common room, in about thirty minutes, to inform you and the rest of the year?"
"Yes sir," we said together. My heart sank at the thought of being punished, though I knew it had to be done.
We slowly made our way to the common room. Our minds ablaze with thoughts about the chat we'd just had. It seems we had been given the privilege of knowing a lot more of the goings on than usually happens. I wasn't sure if this was a good thing or a bad thing. There was no way that we could discuss it now, in the middle of school. It would have to wait till we got to the comfort of our rooms. There was also the impending punishment. I hope we weren't kicked out of this school and transferred to one of the other ones.
As soon as we entered the common room we were grabbed, by a bunch of students and dragged to one of the couches, demanding to know if we were going to be okay. They were worried because we'd been gone for so long.
"Listen up everyone!" called Melisa, the leader of year D. "David and Christopher did what they did for a reason. At The Manor, because we've been there longer, we know there are certain students who seem to know extra things. Since they can't tell us what's happening, we just have to accept and help as much as we can. We have learned not to query certain things. You seem to have learned that lesson a lot quicker."
"Wendy, my sister who is two years older than me, told me that David and Christopher were special students and had more information," Jessica added. "That's why we voted for them as year leaders. They do an excellent job."
"That's what I mean," continued Melissa. "Take today, I take it their behaviour isn't normally like that?"
"No," replied Paula. "The only time they have ever got into trouble before was in Paris and that didn't seem right either."
"Do you want to say anything?" Jessica asked me. "You and Christopher seem awfully quiet."
"Two reasons," answered Christopher. "How can I say anything about what you've just said, it is so laughable. The main reason is, we are waiting to hear, in about ten minutes, what our punishment shall be."
"We'll be there with you," said Anna.
"Did we miss anything else?" I asked.
"I have an appointment tomorrow morning with one of The Manor psychiatrists called Kathy Ray," Sam informed us all. "It seems that she has some knowledge on my condition, so she and Dan are going to chat with me about it and the implications. After lunch, Jessica is joining us."
"I'm glad," Christopher said, giving Sam a hug. "It's about time you had assistance. I know you're frightened of telling us, but when you are ready we will be there for you."
At the allotted time, there was a sharp knock on the door. Each different teacher had a slightly different knock and Mr Hobson's is quite distinct. What the knock didn't tell you was how many people were with him. When Clara opened the door, we saw it wasn't just Mr Hobson, but he was accompanied by Rachel.
"I'll keep this short," said Mr Hobson, as he strode into the room. "One of the duties of a year leader is to set an example to the others in that year. Today, the way David and Christopher encouraged others to misbehave was, in my mind, not in keeping with that role. Therefore, they have been removed as year leaders. I would like all of the year one students to again vote for who they think would be a good candidate to be year leader. You should vote tonight after ten, when you will be in your own rooms. The vote will close at midnight and I will notify you before breakfast tomorrow. Any questions? No? Then I wish you all a pleasant evening."
I wondered why Rachel came. She didn't seem to do much other than stand and observe. Very strange. Perhaps she was there to answer questions, if it seemed they needed to be answered by someone other than the headmaster.
Everyone had an early night and were up early the next morning, eager to get to the year room to find the details of who would be the new leader of year one. The American's were there just as early as we were. It had been unheard of for a re-election of a year leader. As we waited for Mr Hobson, Helen and I received a message on our PDAs. There would be a special meeting of the beta team tonight at half-ten. Since it was past our curfew Brenda would collect us.
"I wonder if we will be removed from that position as well," I whispered to Helen.
"I doubt it," she whispered in reply. "I doubt they would have kept us in that meeting, if that was going to happen."
I wasn't convinced, but didn't have time to voice my concerns, which was good as it wasn't really the place. Mr Hobson had knocked at the door and was being ushered in.
"Are you all sure of how you voted?" asked Mr Hobson, looking at everyone sternly.
We all nodded.
"Very well. It seems you all voted exactly the same as you did last time. Therefore, David and Helen are again both joint year leaders. It is nice to see that you have faith in them. I will see you all at breakfast."
"Thank you," was all I could say. I hadn't expected that result. "But why?"
There was a lot of shrugging of shoulders. "Don't analyse it," Melissa told us. "They obviously think highly of you."
The nodding of the others was spoilt when Lewis asked, "Can we go for breakfast now?" He was nearly drowned in cushions.
We were slightly early for breakfast, but so was the entire school. They had all heard the rumours about their being an unprecedented year leadership election and wanted to hear the results.
"It's a good job that the kitchen staff are miracle workers, or you would all have to wait for the allotted time," stated Mr Hobson. "Either that or I can ramble on for slightly longer than normal." That led to a universal groan. "Okay, yesterday, for reasons I'm not going to get into, we held a special re-election of the year one leadership. It gives me great pleasure to announce that their view of Helen and David is unchanged and they will continue as leaders. Now that's enough from me, enjoy your breakfast."
Since we finished breakfast with plenty of time before lessons, we all went off to the common room. Helen disappeared with Melissa for a while. I had an idea what they were discussing, so I kept quiet.
The day passed quickly. Neither Sam or Jessica were at lunch, but word from Becky, our psychiatrist for the day, was that things were going well.
"Do you think that Sam will ever open up to us?" Jill asked her.
"Eventually. It is very hard for Sam to trust others. Telling Jessica was very hard, but Jessica has done well. By keeping the secret, it has strengthened Sam's confidence in others. Sam is very frightened of being ridiculed and I can see why. When Sam does tell you all, then I want you to promise that you won't laugh and be open-minded. What Sam has is a real medical condition; just as others like Emma have specific medical conditions."
* * *
"So what did you do?" asked Matilda as we continued our project work that evening.
"Do?"
"To get into so much trouble during the trip to London. I've never heard of someone getting publicly hauled off to the principal's office like that."
"Helen and I got a little carried away," I explained, sticking to the official line. "How did you hear about it anyway?"
"You know me; I like to know what's happening."
"You need to be more discreet, or you will get into serious trouble," I said. Then realised how hypocritical I was being. I wasn't always discreet and yes, I kept getting into trouble, so I suppose my advice was true. "By the way, did you give Julia the complete list of hacks?"
"Um, sort of."
"Let me guess, you excluded the ones where you were successful?"
"Yeah, well I suppose what she doesn't know won't hurt her."
"Yes, but I know. I'm not going to snitch, but if we don't know that there is a security hole, then it can't be fixed."
"Yeah, but-"
"Look, if you don't tell them now and it's found out later, you will be bigger trouble."
"I did all the reports, I just didn't give Julia all of them," she replied in a shaky voice.
"Look, send them now and see how long it takes for her to get here," I smiled, knowing how Julia would react. Oh, how I wished I could see her face when she got the new reports.
"You're kidding? She wouldn't come here now, would she?"
"If she thinks there is a security hole, she will. Anyway, let's see if we can get this box hacked before she does, at least that might distract her."
Somehow, I think Matilda's middle name is trouble. She doesn't look for it, but whenever something is happening, she seems to be in the centre of it. Some of the trouble, such as the hacking, she brings upon herself. Other times, it sounds like she is drawn to it. If she learns to control her inquisitiveness, then I'm sure she will go far.
It didn't take Julia long to appear. Her face didn't look happy, but on the other side, her poker face didn't show any anger either.
"Matilda, I've just got the rest of your reports. Have you been over them with David?"
"No, he knows about them, but you're the only one who's seen them."
"Some of these happened yesterday while you were in London. I've checked the log and there was nothing from your PDA."
Matilda gave a small smile. "I didn't use the PDA I was issued when I arrived. I used my PDA, which has a link back to The Manor. I was able to use tools I'd written on my server there."
"Your server?"
She nodded shyly.
"I take it nobody else knows about this box?"
"Only RJ and Mr Moore." Julia's face didn't change, but just stared at Matilda through narrowed eyes.
"I can see that I need to have a long chat with RJ. Since you've had so much fun with the live servers, I presume you've finished the test I gave you?"
It was my turn to give a small smile, as I pressed the send button on my PDA with the solution.
"Well done," Julia said as she scanned the results. "I didn't expect you to do it this quickly. I will be setting you something new at your next lesson. Now scoot and have time with your years."
"Do you think I've got away with it?" Matilda asked me, as we walked back from the classroom area.
"I very much doubt it. As far as I can gather, you are given a lot more freedom than you would at a normal school, as they want to encourage you to learn. However, there are limits to what is allowed. You have come clean, so I doubt they will try and lock you out of the system. Heck, sometimes it is better to have someone with your skills testing and enhancing things. Anyway, I'm sure they wouldn't have much more to say than yesterday, when you were told off."
"It's not nice being in trouble."
"No, it isn't," I confirmed. "It hurts even more when you have to take the blame for something you shouldn't."
"Why would you do that?" asked a shocked Matilda.
"Because sometimes it isn't good for everyone to know what's going on."
"Was yesterday one of those times?"
"Yes and also once before. You know a lot more than you should and that knowledge has to be guarded. Before lunch on Monday, you mentioned a series of names who you thought would be good to go to London. I presume you didn't choose those names by accident."
"No."
"How much do you know?"
"According to Ellen, too much. Am I in more trouble?"
"Look, it was a discreet way for you to tell me that you knew certain things and definitely a lot more subtle than I was with Mr Black today."
Matilda stopped and looked at me in shock. "You didn't tell him what you suspected, did you?" she whispered. "Even I'm not stupid enough to do that."
"Not directly, but enough for him to know what I knew, but subtly enough not to get hung."
"So what did you get into trouble for?"
"Saving Mr Black's neck."
"Thanks for telling me," said Matilda. "I never thought about having to sacrifice myself to save someone else. I guess I'm too young for things like that."
"I think I'm too young," I sighed. "However, I'm just as nosey as you are and have got myself involved in certain things. Enjoy yourself while you can and don't grow up before you have to."
"Aren't you happy here, doing what you do?"
"Yes, I'm happy. I'm glad I'm doing what I am. I can make a difference, which I never could in my previous school. Do you miss your old school?"
"You're joking, right?" exclaimed Matilda in horror. "I was bullied at school and abused by my father at home. Going to The Manor saved my life, literally."
'Abused?' I thought to myself. I was unsure what she meant by that or by the school literally saving her life, so I thought I better not ask without finding out more details. My thoughts turned to what Julia had asked the other day, "Do you find it hard seeing your mum and her not being able to be your mum?"
"There's a good reason for that," instantly said Matilda, in what sounded a very well rehearsed phrase. "I'm not any worse off than any other student."
"That's untrue. You see your mum at school and are reminded everyday of what you've lost. So, back to my original question, do you find it hard?"
"I found it harder telling my mum not to visit me in hospital, because Mary-Beth's parents wouldn't visit her. Mary Beth really missed her family and it was just hurting her more for her to see me having a good time."
"You're avoiding the question," I pointed out, not wanting her to avoid the point. I also didn't know much about her past and was worried that a wrong phrase would upset her.
"YES, ALRIGHT, I MISS MY MUM!" she yelled, starting to cry. "It hurts me when I see her walk by, knowing we can't even give each other a hug. I remember the look on her face as I went off to the school, knowing that we would be apart and not able to tell me. The school has given me so much, but at what price? Mum was so supportive when she found out about me. She helped me, even when my Dad had threatened her and she didn't really know where to turn. Yes David, I really miss her ... I miss her so very, very-"
'Oh crap, what have I uncovered here?' I thought, as Matilda collapsed onto the floor and burst into tears. We were still in the classroom block, so I picked her up and carried her into one of the discussion rooms. It wasn't as comfortable as a year common room, but at least it wasn't as austere as one of the standard classrooms.
I grabbed my PDA and quickly made a call. "Helen, I'm in room D3 with Matilda from year B. We were discussing about her mum working at her school and not being able to see her. I think she's been bottling this up, as she broke down in floods of tears."
"Do you want me to contact Rachel?"
"No, I want to keep this quiet. Matilda would probably be embarrassed and I've no idea what her mum's reaction would be. Can you have a quiet word with Jill and Erika and see if they can come and talk about their experiences?"
"It might work," agreed Helen. "I'll see what I can do. If not, I'll be down myself."
There was no need for Helen to make that last promise, as I was sure that Jill would come. I didn't really know Erika, but she was a friend of Jill and that was a good enough inkling that she would turn up.
"It's okay, Matilda," I said, as I sat next to her and took her into my arms. "If it's any consolation I miss my family too. We weren't much of a family, neither of my parents could cook, but we loved each other. I can only imagine how it must be for you."
Matilda nodded and continued to sob, getting my top wet. I didn't have to wait too long, as two breathless girls came quietly into the room.
"Matilda," I said gently. "You probably already know Erika. I would like you to meet Jill, who it looks as if she broke several school rules by getting here this quickly. Erika and Jill share something with you. They also have parents who work at the schools. They understand what it's like to see their parents and be reminded of their separation."
"I have Julia for computer classes," started Jill, taking my position next to Matilda and taking her into her arms.
"Let me know how it goes," I said quietly to Erika, as Jill talked with Matilda.
"You better warn her psychiatrist, just in case," murmured Erika back. "I don't know who it is, but Jenny, their year leader should."
I tiptoed out of the room and found Helen waiting with Melissa. "Melissa, do you know Jenny in year B?"
"Of course. I'll introduce you now. Jenny will deal with telling Mary Beth. Knowing how close Mary Beth and Matilda are, she will take this very hard and will probably kick up a fuss if she doesn't see Matilda this very instant."
"Hang on a second," I said, quickly pressing buttons on my PDA. If Matilda could be naughty then so could I. "Okay, it seems Matilda has Ellen as her psychiatrist."
"David!" scolded Helen. She, like all students, knew that the student's psychiatrist wasn't shown on the information screen.
I smiled when we got to the year B common room. It was an area which had been part of the old dining room area, which wasn't needed when they built the bigger dining area. It would be interesting to see what it was like.
Melissa knocked and the door was gently opened. "Aloha," the boy at the door greeted.
"Hi Howard, can you ask Jenny to come out for a few minutes?"
"Sure Melissa, just a moment," he replied closing the door behind him.
The door soon opened again and a young girl with a shining smile appeared.
"Hi Melissa," she said as she closed the door behind her. "Howard said you wanted me?"
"Jenny, meet David and Helen. They are year one team leaders. David needs to update you on something."
"Matilda broke down a few minutes ago. We were chatting about how she misses her mother and how it hurts to see her around the school."
"I had never thought about that," said Jenny. "It must be awful for her. Where is she now? With Ellen?"
"No, she's with Erika and Jill. I'm sure you know Erika. Jill is in year one. Julia, the computer studies teacher here is one of Jill's parents. Since Erika and Jill have similar experiences to Matilda, I've left them chatting about it."
"We were not expecting Matilda to be back for a while, knowing she was working on a project, so Mary Beth will not be worried. At least not yet."
"I'll let Ellen know, just in case," I added.
"Good idea," Jenny replied. "I will keep all of year B busy, so that nobody notices."
With everything in place, Jenny disappeared and I failed to get more than a glimpse of what the year B room looked like. "Thanks for the intro, Melissa. Could you update Anna and Martha while we see Ellen?"
"Be happy to," Melissa replied, giving a small wave as she disappeared.
I quickly pulled up Ellen's name in the contact list and pressed the dial button. As I waited for her to answer, I gave a quick prayer that she wouldn't be upset, or cause more issues.
"Ellen, sorry to disturb you," I said as she answered. There was no need to let her know who I was, as her PDA would tell her who was calling. "I was wondering, is it okay if I come and have a chat with you?"
"Sure, David" she replied. "I'm in my office and have nobody with me. Is now okay with you?"
"That's perfect. I'll be there in a few minutes."
"Do you want me to come with you?" asked Helen after I'd ended the call.
"I suppose it will save me having to repeat what happened," I said trying to smile. "Before you left the common room, were Sam and Jessica back?"
"Yes, they got back about half an hour ago."
"And?"
"Sam wanted to wait till you were back so that everyone got the information at the same time."
"I suppose that makes sense."
The PDA guided us to Ellen's office and nervously I knocked. I'd not had much to do with the American psychiatrists, so I was slightly nervous at how they would react. Were they stricter than our friendly UK ones?
"Come in."
I opened the door and found it was laid out slightly different from the ones I'd been in before. Perhaps this replicates how they have the rooms at Immigration Manor.
"Have a seat," Ellen said showing us the comfy settee. "I was quite surprised when you asked for this meeting, as I'd have expected you to see Rachel if you had a problem. So what can I do for the two of you?"
"I thought it was important that I update you on one of your students," I explained. "Helen is here for moral support."
"I don't bite," Ellen laughed. "Okay, so which of my students is in trouble this time?"
"No trouble, but it's Matilda. We were talking about her mother and if she found it difficult being a student and not being allowed to see her mother, even though they are at the same school."
"Where is Matilda now?" asked Ellen quickly and calmly, but with some urgency. "You haven't left her alone, have you?"
"Of course not," I replied a bit indignantly. "Jill and Erika are with her. As you know Erika's Dad works at The Manor, and Jill is the child of Ms Toms, the computer studies teacher here."
"You have an interesting way of phrasing things to explain the facts, but hide things that might not want to be said," observed Ellen. "It's okay. I know of Ms Toms condition, but why did you say child instead of daughter."
"Jill was born Bill, but has a medical condition where the body has selective insensitivity to male hormones. Jill has male parts and doesn't want to get rid of them, but has a very feminine look. Jill lives as female, as she finds it easier to pass that way."
"That explains a few things, thank you. So you thought the shared experiences of Jill and Erika might help Matilda?"
"I hope so," I replied. "Ms Toms had mentioned the other day that she'd spoken about introducing Matilda to Jill and Erika. I thought that the shared experience would be the least embarrassing to Matilda. It also helps reinforce the 'students look out for each other' mentality to Jill, who's only been here for six months."
"You handled the situation well," praised Ellen. "Let me just send a message to Jill and Erika, letting them know I'm available, 'if needed; ... there, that's done. Is there anything else?"
"I hope Matilda didn't get into too much trouble over the choir incident. She didn't mean to cause harm. She just needs to learn to think of the consequences."
"That's one of the things we've been trying to teach her, though it is being done carefully. As you said, she has a lot of talent and we don’t want to destroy that."
"When she's ready, she'll be an excellent member to your team."
"Stop fishing," hissed Helen, elbowing me.
"In some ways you're as bad as Matilda," giggled Ellen.
"Though you obviously understood what I was saying. Matilda also mentioned something about being abused by her father. Was she exaggerating?"
Ellen paused for a moment, as if deciding whether to tell us anything. Finally, "No, I'm afraid not. After what he did, he'll be in prison for twenty-five years. There is more to it, but I'm afraid that's all I can tell you. It wasn't a very nice time for Matilda, her mother, or any of the other children."
"Oh. Matilda seems such a sweet girl. She doesn't deserve to have memories like that. Nor do any other children who are abused. It doesn't matter to me if they are transsexual, gay, straight or from the planet Zob. Nobody deserves to have to live with that. Children are supposed to be innocents."
"Yet we aren't allowed to be innocents," I continued. "We are encouraged to work harder than other children and are trained to put ourselves in danger."
"If you feel that way, perhaps you should talk to Rachel or Mr Hobson., but as far as I've seen, you play a lot harder than other children do."
"I don't really feel grieved," I backtracked. "Nobody has ever told me that we had to study at the level we do, it just feels right for us all to learn to our potential. I was never allowed to do my best at my old school. As for the additional training, I'm happy about that as well. I've no idea why, but it feels right."
"Before we go back to the common room, was Kathy able to help Sam?" asked Helen.
"Yes, it seems the discussion she had with Sam was very much an eye opener for Dan. It was also a great help for Jessica."
"Is there anything we can do to help?"
"Just be there for Sam, and Jessica. This is very difficult for both of them. In some ways, it is distracting Jessica from her own issues. When you first saw Jessica dressed, was she passable?"
"I suppose not," said Helen thoughtfully.
"Did you laugh at her, or ridicule her?"
"Of course not! But what has that to do with Sam? Sam looks like a girl when dressed as a girl, and looks like a boy when dressed as a boy."
"What I'm saying is, just treat Sam as Sam wants to be treated and don't ridicule. That is the best thing you can do."
As we walked back to our common room with those words of advice ringing in our ears, we pondered their meaning. What was wrong with Sam?
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David/Jayne learns more about the school in action, and other things which cause more questions.
by Karen Page
Part 29
"Oh God, I'm never going to be ready," I moaned as we dashed into our rooms just before our curfew. We'd spent far too long chatting in the common room after the talk with Ellen. "Can't I just go like this?"
"No you can't," refused Helen. "It's Brenda getting us, so if you go as David you would be the only boy. Now go and hit the shower. You'll be ready in time."
At half past ten there was a quiet knock on the door, which Helen answered. It had been a bit of a rush, but I was just brushing my hair when Brenda came through the door.
"Ah, good, you're both ready. Jayne, it's great that you've made the effort. Let's go."
We stopped to pick up Fran and Ingrid before continuing our journey. I thought we would have been going somewhere in the minibus again, but we headed towards the cinema stairs instead. I glanced at Fran and Ingrid, wondering if they knew where we were going, but they looked as bewildered as I felt.
As we descended the stairs to the basement, I began to wonder if we were going to watch a movie about the Russian mission, but Brenda did something I didn't expect. About half way down the stairs was a light fitting attached to the low sloping ceiling. Brenda placed the palm of her hand against the light and it flashed green before returning to its normal appearance.
Helen and I glanced at each other wondering what was going on.
At the bottom of the stairs, we normally follow the passage towards the cinema. However, where there was normally only one direction we could go, there was now an additional possibility. A wall had disappeared, revealing a secret entrance and area of Hayfield Hall.
While we were walking down the new dimly lit passageway, I glanced behind and saw the wall had reappeared, blocking our exit. We went through another door entering a vast area with computers humming, large tables and several doors that probably led to offices.
"Nice room," commented Ingrid, looking around.
"This is one heck of a secret," added Fran.
"Yes, so no blabbing," teased Ingrid, poking her in the side.
"As if I'd do such a thing!"
"So where's Stacy?" Helen asked.
"She'll be here in a moment," answered Brenda, guiding us to one of the large planning tables. "She's collecting the American Beta team. In the meantime please pass me your normal school PDAs and I'll dish out the beta ones."
As the beta PDAs were being dished out, a chiming sound was heard.
"What was that?" I asked.
"It's a warning that someone has opened the door to this area," said Brenda, looking at her beta PDA. "It was Stacy's handprint that opened it, so she's probably here with the others."
Sure enough, Stacy walked into the open area, followed by eight of the American students. For a fleeting minute, I wondered if Matilda would be one of them, but then chastised myself for being silly. She was too young, and too immature, but I was sure she would be a formal member before long. In the meantime, I was sure she did unofficial background tasks. There was no doubt in my mind that she knew about the beta team. I looked at the team and noticed that Ruth and Michelle from year D were part of the team. I wondered how Melissa coped, with two of the year sometimes knowing more than she did.
"Okay everyone, listen up," said Stacy, as she and the Americans joined us at the large table. "I'd like to introduce you to Kriss. She is The Manor's head girl and Beta One. I'll let her introduce her team. "
"Hi y'all, this is my partner Janet. Over there we have Angel and Kimberly from year G, Phyllis and Shelly from year E and Ruth and Michelle from year D. We all came as our female selves, as I'm told that's what you normally do. Now Stacy, would you be kind enough to introduce your team?"
"Sure. We have Brenda, Fran, Ingrid, Helen and Jayne. It is optional to be an all female team, but so far it seems to have worked. There is one member of my team who is still unsure about presenting as female and if they are still unsure about going abroad as female, then they will go as male. I won't force anybody to be something they aren't happy being."
"Have you ever had to go into action?" Angel asked, as Brenda swapped The Manor's PDAs for beta versions.
"No," answered Stacy. "We've never officially had to go into action during a field trip and I hope we never have to. If we do, then something will have gone wrong with the Alpha team, which won't be good. Yourselves?"
"Again not on a field trip," answered Kriss, "though we've been involved twice unofficially. One was a local issue that cropped up a few months after Matilda joined the school. The other was a few years ago, when a student leaked information about the school. The beta team was very busy then, helping evacuate the school and making sure everyone was safe. I'm not going to go into the details now, but if you want to know more then ask Jayne or Helen. They are both aware of most of the details of the second incident. This is the first time we've worked with someone outside our school so closely, though we once did a small something at Wardenclyffe. Since we are at your school as guests, we will come under your authority for the beta team."
"Wardenclyffe?" I thought aloud.
"It's a S.P.A." absently responded Kriss, as if I'd understand.
'S.P.A.?' I thought to myself. 'It must be some form of initials for the schools, but what does it stand for? This certainly seems bigger than I thought.'
There were a lot of blank looks with the mention of S.P.A., so I presume that it wasn't a widely known acronym. Heck, three letter acronyms were the bane of my life when using computers, and now I had another one which I didn't understand the meaning off. Matilda knew I was in the Beta team, yet she'd made no reference to any incident which they'd helped with.
"This is just a quick meeting," said Stacy, interrupting my thoughts as she took charge. "I wanted you all to know who each other was, just in case the worst happens in Moscow. I also need to give some information to you all. It was decided yesterday that the American Alpha team will be attending the concert instead of sightseeing. However, everything is still as scheduled for the trip to Russia."
"What was the reason for the change of plan in London?" asked Angel.
Stacy glanced at Kriss, who gave a short nod. "The target had a lot more activity than was expected, or was usual. The information that would have been gathered is now going to be acquired a different way. It appears there is a leak somewhere, but it has been verified that it isn't a student. So please don't share what I'm about to tell you with anybody. Understood?"
There were mutterings of yes all around the table. Brenda opened another drawer and took out a large map, which she opened and spread across the table.
"On the map you will see marks showing the location of the hotel, concert and alpha target," said Stacy, pointing to locations on the map. "Have a good look and try to familiarise yourself with the surrounding areas. Your Beta PDAs should have building information, so you can get more of an idea. I'd like you to spend the next hour cross-referencing things in your mind against the map and PDA. Also please chat between the two schools to get to know each other. I hope to hold more of these get-togethers so we can get to know each other."
"So you're THE Jayne and Helen," said Kriss, as I worked with Helen looking on the map at various different buildings, streets and areas.
"THE Jayne and Helen?" I queried without looking up. This sounded too much like our first few days here. Were Helen and I always going to be seen as different?
"The pair who found out too much information on their first day. The pair who helped in the capture of an escaped paedophile. I also hear you spotted Mavis Brown trying to bug the school."
"But that shouldn't make us stand out," I protested, my face getting slightly hot with embarrassment.
"We did nothing that any others here wouldn't do. I'm sure that others at Hayfield and The Manor have done things like we have," added Helen.
"Kriss, they don't get it," said Stacy. "So it's no use going on about it. Anyway, I've heard one of your younger students is equally as bright."
"If you are referring to Matilda, then she will be the death of me," groaned Kriss, theatrically putting her hands on her heart. The others from The Manor just giggled, including her partner.
Over the next hour, I learnt a lot about the area in Moscow where we would be staying and visiting. Of course, none of that could be shared with others from the year.
As we were clearing away, Helen and I managed to get to chat with Ruth and Michelle. After exchanging a few pleasantries I asked, "How does it work, with one or both of you not being year leaders? Doesn't that make things difficult?"
"Oh, for sure," Ruth answered. "But Mel and Jamie are just so great. As Mel said yesterday, they are aware we know more and they listen if we suggest something. However, it is only in the last year that the beta team has become more involved. Before then, I'm told, we were only told things just before we went away. Now we are more involved, like today. This is the first year that we have been involved in the beta team. I'm told they don't like to use people below year D and that even involving someone our age was questioned."
"I suppose when the year leaders were chosen, it was too early to have known you would be beta members," Helen thought out loud.
"It was even too early for us to know," agreed Michelle. "However, I think the principal had already earmarked us, as he had us learning extra things almost from day one."
"Are you okay with that?" I asked. "Don't you feel manipulated?"
"A little, I suppose," Ruth bit her bottom lip in thought. "At the time I started at the school. I wasn't ready to learn some of the things I now know. I was too young. At Hayfield, you started at the school this year, so you're a lot older. Would you have been ready three years ago?"
"I suppose not," I accepted. Helen nodded in agreement.
"One last thing before we go," said Stacy, after locking away all the Beta PDAs and giving us our normal ones back. "Tomorrow, during the evening meal, the field trip will be announced. We will be going on Friday the thirtieth."
We all went silently down the corridor, where there was a green light shining and the door opened for us. Stealthily, we made our way back to our room, not wanting to wake the sleeping students and let them know we'd been out past curfew.
Once in our rooms, we changed and quickly went to sleep, our dreams filled with thoughts of Moscow and the trip that we knew too much about.
***
"What are you dressed like that for?" queried Helen, when she saw me dressed as David.
"Well duh, if I turn up as Jayne, the others will smell a rat. They know I'm only Jayne when I need to be."
"So what will you do? I thought you'd decided to be Jayne when we go away."
"I have. Primarily, because it will mean I can be in the same bedroom as you. I'd hate to have to be without you. Anyway, I've heard that Lewis snores louder than you."
"Oi! That’s not fair," she complained, trying to grab me. I ran away from her long arms, laughing and she gave chase, eventually trapping me on my bedroom sofa.
"What have you two been up to?" grinned Emma, as we got to the year common room, just before they all left for breakfast.
"Nothing," I replied, trying to sound innocent.
"Well, both your clothes are crumpled," pointed out Emma. "I'm sure they don't get put in your wardrobes like that. Helen's doesn't look too bad, but yours..."
"Er, lets go get breakfast," Helen responded, trying to straighten up her clothes.
"I never thought you were going to get here," said Rachel as we sat down.
"Sorry, we got delayed," I said. We waited for morning announcements, but none came. The bell rang, signalling the hot breakfasts were ready to be fetched.
"David, your clothes look rather crumpled," remarked Rachel, as we started to eat.
"I bet Jayne is a lot neater," jumped in Ruth.
"Yes, we've not seen much of Jayne," added Michelle.
"You might lose the skill," added Helen, a twinkle in her eyes.
"Okay," I sighed, putting my hands up. "I don't want to go round looking like I've slept in my clothes, so after breakfast I will change. Do you really want me to be Jayne?"
"Yes," came the universal response from everyone at the table.
"David," said Rachel, her face suddenly very serious. "If you aren't happy to be Jayne, you don't have to. You could just go and put on some other male clothes. No one in this school is going to be forced to be someone they aren't happy being."
I knew that Ruth, Michelle and Helen were only trying to give me an excuse so I could be Jayne without arousing suspicion. I'm pretty sure that Rachel knew about the timing of the field trip, so I was pretty surprised about Rachel's comment.
"I'm okay being Jayne," I reassured Rachel. "I spent the whole of the last field trip as Jayne, so what difference will one day make?"
"If you make that choice, then that is fine, but I'm not having anybody being forced to dress in something they aren't comfortable with."
"Ruth, Michelle and Helen didn't ask me to dress as Jayne, they just prodded me. I made the choice, knowing full well the consequences."
"Consequences?" asked Anna.
Rachel raised an eyebrow and I gave her an acknowledging smile. She knew what I was talking about. "Consequences," I replied, trying to think how to explain it. "You might try to persuade me more often."
"We won't do that," said Jill and Anna together.
"No," cried out the others on the table.
So after breakfast, I rushed up to my room and, with a resigned sigh, swapped clothes for female ones. Was this really my choice? I think so. Sure, there were plenty of reasons to go as Jayne. Stacy preferred an all girl team, but knew my issues and did say I didn't have to and even said so last night. No, I was doing this for me, or well probably for us. I'm sure Helen won't mind having me around as Jayne for just over three weeks.
As I left my bedroom, my PDA pinged, signalling an update to my schedule. Oh joy, Rachel wanted to have a discussion with me at eleven.
I got to my first lesson, just as the others were sitting down. "Ah Jayne, good of you to join us," said Mrs Russell.
"Er, thanks," I said, sitting next to Helen.
"Are you okay?" Helen asked, knowing the consequences of me being Jayne.
"I'm fine. Rachel has scheduled me to see her at eleven."
"Do you want me to come?"
"Nah, I should be okay. I'll tell you about it later."
Melissa, the head of year D, was looking at me strangely as I sat down, so I asked Helen, "Is something wrong with the way I look? Melissa is looking at me like I've got two heads or something."
"You're fine. She is just probably trying to work out why you so easily agreed to be Jayne."
"How are you finding the joint practices?" Mrs Russell asked a very packed classroom. Perhaps we should have been taking separate lessons or knocked the walls down. The room wasn't over full, and was more like a class before I joined Hayfield. I missed the space and intimacy of such a small class.
"It's certainly different, having a bigger orchestra," answered Melissa.
"A good or bad difference?" asked Mrs Russell.
"Not good or bad, just different. The music certainly comes across a lot richer and it gives more scope for the singers. Well, that's my opinion anyway."
"All opinions are valid. Anybody else?"
"Playing with a choir is also different," I added after a moments thought. "We have something else to consider when playing. If there is quiet singing with a soloist, you wouldn't want to drown them out with the accompaniment. Also the soloists have a bit of freedom to waver from a strict beat, so we need to listen more."
"Very good," nodded Mrs Russell. "As Roberta and Lewis are conducting, it gives me a better opportunity to listen to individual players and singers. Both schools didn't gel well at the first practice, but you have all been getting better. All I ask is you be considerate, just like the string players at Hayfield were when we did the Mozart at the last concert."
"That was very strange, playing so closely with other people. I suppose these are just skills we will learn with practice."
"And learn you shall do. However, enough of the practical, I will leave that for tonight's practice. For now, we need to turn to a bit of theory and what better way than to pull apart the two pieces you are currently playing. Has anybody heard the term 'recapitulation' in relationship to music?"
Everyone shook their heads.
"Oh dear," sighed Mrs Russell, in an overly dramatic way. "It looks like I've got no helpers, so I'll have to do all the teaching myself. Isn't life so unfair?!"
We all giggled at her attempt at humour. However, things soon settled down and we started learning about how musical themes develop and get manipulated.
"What's going on?" asked Melissa, after the lesson had finished. I'd only just stepped out of the door when she pulled me to one side. The rest of the year just carried on, knowing we would catch up. Private chats like this weren't uncommon. When someone noticed something wrong, they talked to the person in private. Nobody ever made an attempt to find out what was said. It was private and only got escalated if it needed to be, such as it affecting other students or their health.
"What do you mean, what's going on?"
"With you being Jayne. I'm aware of how you prefer to be David, but you seemed to be very easily persuaded to be Jayne, instead of just putting on other male clothes that weren't wrinkled."
"It's good to have the practice," I replied, rather lamely.
"I'm aware that Helen likes you this way, but is it really what you want?"
"In this case, it is," I smiled.
"I'm not convinced, but you seem very sure. Are you aware of something I'm not?"
"Probably, but it's probably best that you don't ask."
"Ah, then I won't. I'm used to Ruth and Michelle, but I don’t have your subtle hints down yet. Is there going to be a special announcement later?"
I gave her a smile, followed by a wink. Melissa wasn't stupid and had quickly bracketed me with the other Beta's. I wondered how much she knew.
All too quickly the languages lesson started and finished and I found my footsteps making their way towards Rachel's office. I felt a bit sad that Helen wasn't with me, as it was nice to have support during these visits. Obviously, Rachel mustn't have thought I needed Helen's support, or she would have made it a joint meeting; so perhaps it wasn't going to be too bad.
"Come in," called Rachel, as I was about to knock on the door.
"Monitoring me?" I queried, as I entered.
"No, I heard the sound of you approaching. Your heels make a very distinctive clunk. Now come and sit on the settee, there are a few things we need to discuss."
I sat on the settee and waited. I was tempted to try and explain why I was going as Jayne, but waited to be asked. I was fairly sure that Rachel knew about the beta team, but wasn't one hundred percent. One thing I'd learnt was that discretion was very important, so I just waited for her to tell me why she wanted me to see her.
"Thanks for coming," she eventually said. "There are few things I want to chat with you. First off, let's discuss about this morning. You can be as open as you want to be, nothing you say will leave this room. I know you are aware that tonight the trip will be announced and you will be forced to be Jayne for the field trip. So why choose Jayne over David?"
Rachel had laid a lot of cards on the table. She had told us on the first day that we would be doing extra things which had to be a secret. I also knew that she was the psychiatrist for all the Hayfield beta members. I wouldn't be surprised if she was also the psychiatrist covering the alpha team.
"Stacy prefers her team to be all female," I responded, hoping that Rachel's knowledge was limited.
"No, Stacy had said that if you weren't happy with being Jayne for the trip, then you could be David."
Damn, she certainly knew about certain things. Oh well, I suppose the truth will have to do. "I don't want to sleep alone."
"Alone? Others will be in the room with you."
"I don't want to be away from Helen," I muttered, thoroughly embarrassed. "We were separated once before and you know how much it hurt us. I don't want that to occur while we are away."
"You know, this is only a trip for a few days, don't you? It isn't like the trip to France, where that was also a holiday. This is purely a single concert and to see a few tourist things."
"Our punishment was only for a few days," I reminded her. "I also don't think it is fair that we get to know up-front about tonight, and others don't."
"Just have a look at lunch. Rumours spread very quickly and most people will be how they want to be by lunch. The remainder will get the obvious message and be how they want to be before the announcement. The students look after each other. Hayfield year-one is lucky that their pairings, apart from yours, are based on the appearance of same gender. Can you honestly say you haven't dropped any hints to Immigration Manor's year D? Or that Ruth or Michelle won't?"
I just smiled.
"Fair enough," she smiled back. "How do you feel, having chosen to be Jayne for just over the next three weeks?"
"I'm fine," I replied, a bit bluntly and then decided I should expand on why. "I feel a lot more in control than I did when the field trip was announced for France. I know that for the duration of my time at Hayfield, Jayne will be a part of me and it will certainly give me more insight to the way females live."
We chatted for the next ten minutes about it before Rachel changed the topic. "I had a conversation late last night with Ellen Hansen. It seems you went to see her regarding Matilda."
"Yes," I acknowledged, puzzled that she would bring this up.
"First, let me say that you did well. You saw a student in pain and couldn't help them yourself, so you got help from students you thought might be able to help. You informed the relevant year leader, so there would be year support. Finally, you then got help from the relevant Psychiatrist, just in case it was needed. That was all good, but you did one major thing wrong."
"I did?"
"Yes, you abandoned the problem. You should have gone back to make sure all was okay. Matilda had opened up to you and you just passed the problem to others, instead of being there for her. If you'd had to miss the beta meeting, Stacy would have understood. Heck if she thought you'd put that meeting over another students welfare, she would have been very upset."
"I didn't put it over Matilda's welfare," I complained. "I didn't think there was anything more I could do."
"Well Erika and Jill did help, but not fully. It was Erika who very quickly came up with the solution, Rachel from year A."
"How did Rachel help?"
"It is something that separates Matilda from Jill and Erika. Matilda's sister, Rachel, is also a student at the school. Matilda has a lot of support from her year, so it wasn't an issue this time that you weren't there, but in future-"
"I understand, at least I think I do," I murmured, after a moment's contemplation. "I guess I've a lot to learn."
"Yes you do, but at least you understand that and you do make the effort. Life isn't easy, but if you take everything that this school can offer you, you will learn a lot more about life over the next five years. You have a rare talent which you might not fully understand yet, but hopefully you will start to grasp the roots of that talent. Whether you decide to take things forward is up to you."
This conversation was getting a bit heavy, but I had an opportunity to chat freely with Rachel and my curiosity was still piqued from last night. "Rachel, I know it's wrong to ask too much, but do you know what S.P.A. stands for?"
"Yes I do."
I felt slightly frustrated at not telling me more, but I suppose I shouldn't have expected anything else. "mmm...Understood. One other thing, what's Wardenclyffe?"
"Now, isn't it time you got back to Helen? I know she will want an update."
"Yes, Rachel," I said, getting up out of the settee.
"Oh, Jayne," called Rachel, as I headed towards the door. "Remember, Sam needs your support. I hope you remember that, when the time comes."
Dr Ruiz walked back to her desk and I knew my appointment was over, so I walked slowly back to the year common room, contemplating what Rachel meant about Sam. This was the second warning to be supportive to Sam in two days.
Synopsis:
A problem shared is a problem halved.
Story:
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 30
Afternoon lessons were a bit of a revelation. We had Mr Yates for PE, which today meant rifle shooting. We'd met in the classroom, wearing our shooting clothes.
"The Hayfield students have been doing this for five months now, so it is time we do a formal assessment on how you are doing. I hear that the Immigration Manor students have also been working on rifle work, so let's see how you all are performing. Oh," he paused and gave hearty chuckle. "Let this be a competition between the two schools. The highest average total over the three sections will be the winner. Melissa, what are the three positions in rifle shooting?"
"Prone, standing and kneeling," she rattled off.
"Good," he nodded. "It seems your teacher has been doing well."
"Out front should be two minibuses, so let's get to the range."
When we reached the minibuses, we all piled in. Paula was driving one and Ruth was going to drive the American's.
"Ah," exclaimed Ruth as she got in. "This is a stick shift!"
"A what?" Brian queried.
"It has manual transmission. You know, one where you've got to change gears yourself. Generally in America we have what you call automatics."
"Are you okay to drive?" asked Mr Yates.
"Oh sure, it was just a surprise that's all. It will be good practice."
I only heard her grind the gears once, so I suppose she didn't do too badly. Ruth followed Paula and we were soon at the building hidden behind a thicket of trees. Both schools were about equal in skill, and at the end of the lesson, Immigration Manor just edged over Hayfield Hall.
Michelle was a very good shot, but Ruth was awful. She tried hard, but you could tell that rifles weren't her main skill. Helen and I did well, but we weren't the best, that honour lay with Michelle from the American school and Brian from the home team.
"Jayne," said Mr Yates. "Can you please help me lock away the rifles?"
"Sure," I answered, taking two of the rifles to be locked away. Mr Yates had taken the remaining two. For the first time since starting rifle lessons, someone other than Mr Yates entered the armoury.
"On your PDA, you should see a menu for the armoury," mentioned Mr Yates. "Please make sure you can access it."
I did as requested and sure enough, it was where Mr Yates mentioned. "I've found it."
"Excellent. Now store the weapons and place the locking bar over them."
Under his watchful eyes, I put the rifles away and placed the locking bars over them and they locked. "They're locked."
He checked over my work and nodded in satisfaction. "Okay, now on your PDA you should see they are locked."
"Yes," I responded after checking.
"Right, now use the unlock feature on the PDA to unlock them."
I clicked on unlock and provided my thumbprint to verify that I indeed wanted to unlock the selected rack. I remove the bar to prove it had worked.
"Good, you now know what to do. You will never use this added functionality in one of my classes, but I was told to give you that functionality."
"Yes sir. I won't mention it."
"I was told that would be your response. Now go and catch up with Helen, while I finish locking up."
When we got to the afternoon music practice, I was sure that the announcement was a secret everyone knew. There were people dressed differently than lunch. I was quite upset that I'd missed this behaviour when the French trip had been announced. It might have been because there were fewer students, so things weren't as obvious. Also, I was new, and hadn't really paid attention to how people normally presented themselves.
"You all did very well," said Mrs Russell, as the rehearsal ended. "I also want to wish our American friends good luck for their concert tomorrow night."
Mutterings of 'Good Luck' from the Hayfield students echoed around the room.
"Jayne," called Stacy, coming across to me as we left the hall. "Can I have a quiet word? Helen, you don't have to go."
"Sure," I said, moving slightly down the opposite side of the corridor from the stream of departing musicians. "What's up?"
"Are you sure you're okay with going as Jayne? You know you don't have to."
"I know," I sighed, biting my bottom lip. After a moments pause I continued. Helen didn't say anything during my pause, but gently stroked my hand. "I've made my choice. I will be Jayne for this trip. I prefer to be David, but I'm not uncomfortable being Jayne. In fact, I feel no real difference when I'm dressed as Jayne or David. The only thing I don't like is when I have to be overtly masculine."
"Well, if you find it hard, then speak with me or Rachel."
"I'll keep an eye on her," promised Helen, pulling me closer.
That was one of the things I loved about this school. There was a great atmosphere of love between the students. The love Helen had for me was one type of love, but all of the students loved each other in a different way. They cared how each other felt. Oh sure there were conflicts and arguments, sometimes quite strong, but they never got out of hand. With only ten people in our year, we couldn't afford for issues to fester.
The expected announcement of the field trip occurred just before the evening meal. I don't think anybody was surprised. I was now committed to staying as Jayne for the next few weeks.
"Jayne, are you going to be okay?" asked Jill, as Mr Hobson revealed the open secret.
Didn't she realise I knew? Perhaps not, as I was the only one out of the year-one students that was affected. We hadn't known the American students long enough to notice.
"I'll be fine," I smiled. "In under a month, I'll be back as David."
"Does anybody have any questions?" asked Mr Hobson.
"How long is the trip?" asked Wendy, from year-three.
"We will be travelling on Friday the thirtieth of December and return on Monday the second of January. We will be giving one concert on New Years Day in Moscow. I believe that all the tickets have already been sold. We have a schedule of sightseeing on the Saturday and have a relaxing day of rehearsals on Sunday."
Mr Hobson started to sit down, and then quickly stood up again. "Ah, I almost forgot. From tomorrow morning, your PDA's will operate in Russian only, as will all the radios and televisions and all lessons will be conducted in Russian. For those at Hayfield that were learning Farsi, this will be a great time to polish up the Russian you've been learning unofficially."
I smiled to myself as Mr Hobson sat down. Some might have thought, 'How does he know that?', but nobody said it aloud.
"These English will never keep up with the Russian, especially that small androgynous one," said Melissa, in very rapid Russian. I mentally crossed my fingers hoping that there wouldn't be too much impact from this brazen attack.
There were many puzzled looks from some of the other students on our table. The American students looked like they understood what had been said, but couldn't understand why Melissa would lay into someone. The British students, who hadn't been speaking Russian as long as the Americans, found it difficult to follow such rapid Russian. The only Hayfield student who did follow was Jessica, who immediately responded in fluent Russian. I couldn't follow what she was saying, but she sounded rather angry and very upset.
"Wow, Jessica," Helen said in English. "I didn't realise you could speak Russian so well. You've never shown that much talent in lessons."
"I, er, well-" stuttered Jessica, trying to think of some response.
"You didn't even tell me!" fumed Sam. "I thought we had no secrets."
"We don't," insisted Jessica.
"I suppose you don't anymore," I added, trying not to smile. Perhaps adding this comment didn't help calm Jessica down.
"I'm sorry I said what I did," apologised Melissa. "I didn't mean it, but couldn't think of anything else to provoke you into speaking Russian"
Rachel sat back and watched, but didn't interrupt. The conversion had also attracted people from the nearby year-three and year F table. I suppose this was something she wanted us to sort out ourselves, since Jessica had been deliberately provoked.
"You set me up?" roared Jessica, rising to her feet. Rachel still didn't budge.
"Jessica, calm down," I soothed, noticing that the whole room had fallen silent. A major scene like this was rare, so was something interesting to watch. There was also a tinge of concern that someone would react in such a manner.
"Why should I calm down?" she said, her original male voice peeking through. "It's not nice to be set up like that."
"No, I suppose it isn't," I agreed, staying sat down and keeping my voice calm. "But is it fair what you did to us? Do you remember how we relied on Anna to help us get over our issues with French? Do you remember how it helped having someone that had actually been there?"
"I suppose," she reluctantly conceded, her face still bright red. "But that was no excuse for what was said."
"I've been learning Farsi, so my Russian isn't up to the level to know what Melissa said. However, she has apologised for what she said. Will you accept that apology?"
"Why should I accept that apology? She had no right to say what she did and she had no right to set me up."
"Jessica, you are disturbing the others," pointed out Helen. "Would you prefer to chat about this outside?"
"Oh," she said, looking around at the majority of the room looking at her. She quickly sat down, her face red with embarrassment.
"Look Jessica, we need your help," said Lewis. "Only you have the skills to assist us to get the accent correct and increase our knowledge of how things are really said, instead of how a text book says they should be said."
I was hoping she would have drawn her own conclusion, but it seemed not. "Look how much better the Americans are at Russian than we are. We didn't have someone of your skill to help us. Do you think that was fair on us, that we had to suffer because you didn't want to admit you were good?"
It must have finally started to sink in. The rest of the dining room must have realised that the issue was getting resolved and the background chatter returned.
"Are you okay?" Sam took hold of Jessica's hands.
"I feel a bit of a fool, shouting out like that, though I still feel hurt."
"It isn't the first time we've had an outburst during a meal," Rachel added, speaking for the first time since the confrontation started.
"Am I in trouble?"
"Not with me or the staff," replied Rachel. "Though you probably have some explaining to your friends."
"Really?"
"Yes, you let them struggle without any offer of help."
"Oh," said Jessica and fell silent. After a few moments thought she asked, "Rachel, why didn't you intervene?"
"Because you have to learn how to sort out your differences between yourselves. I would have given advice if you asked, or intervened if things got violent."
"This is nothing like my previous school," Jessica grumbled.
"No, it isn't, but I don't remember anybody saying it would be. Here we try to teach you differently and in ways that seem strange. You are trusted to behave and keep peace yourselves, just as if you were adults. You don't have free reign, as you aren't yet adults, but most times it helps you accept responsibility quicker."
"What if we don't want to have that responsibility? Heck, we're still children."
"Is that why you didn't want to help the others?"
"No, it's just we learn so much, so quickly. Sure, I can do the work, but it sometimes feels like my head is going to explode. It's just too much and I don't think I can cope."
"Did you ever mention this to Jayne, Helen, or Becky?"
"No."
"Why ever not? You see Jayne and Helen every day and you see Becky at least once a week. Becky is your psychiatrist; she can't help if you don't tell her things. She isn't a mind reader."
Jessica's face crumpled under the onslaught from Rachel. "I was too ashamed," she said in a weak voice. "Everyone else is doing great and I didn't want to be different."
Sam, who'd been holding Jessica's hand, changed position and pulled Jessica close.
"It's okay Jessica," I said. "None of us thinks any less of you. Rachel, we are all ahead with our academic work. Since we have the Russian trip soon, do you think you could suggest, to Mr Hobson, a break from classes till after the trip?"
"No, I think that you and Helen as year leaders ought to see Mr Hobson afterwards and suggest it. If you want, I'll come with you."
"Are you okay with orchestra practice and continuing with language lessons?" I asked Jessica.
"Oh yes, I'd hate to miss orchestra practice. That relaxes me and Russian isn't that taxing for me."
A few people laughed at that attempt at a joke. I picked up my PDA and sent two messages. The first was to Mr Hobson, requesting a meeting after the meal. The second was to Stacy, outlining what occurred and promising I'd fill her in properly later. As head student, I thought it prudent. Mr Hobson quickly responded and agreed to the meeting after the meal. I'd didn't mention it to Rachel, as I thought this was something we should do ourselves.
The rest of the meal was eaten in relative silence. Too much had happened and I felt rather guilty, as one of the instigators of pushing Jessica to reveal her Russian knowledge.
"That didn't go as well as I'd hoped," I said quietly to Melissa, as we left the dining room.
"No, it ended up a bit of a shambles," she agreed.
"Helen and I have a meeting with Mr Hobson. Will you survive with any questions that might arise?"
"Sure," she answered. "See you shortly."
As we approached Mr Hobson's office, Helen grabbed my hand. She was as nervous as I was. He was a fair man, but I was worried that we'd be told off for the outburst. His door was open and as we got close, he called us straight in.
"You wanted to see me?" he asked, after we'd all sat on the settee.
"Firstly, I'd like to apologise for the outburst during the meal."
"It happens," he said, dismissing the incident as if it was an everyday occurrence. "Is everything sorted?"
"Partly. However, there is an underlying issue, which is why we asked to see you."
I outlined the issue with Jessica and the stress she was feeling with all the workload. I put forward a suggestion of reducing the workload, until after the Russian trip.
"How do you feel about this Helen? You've sat there quietly and haven't said anything."
"Yes, we do have a large amount of school work, but I don't think it is something that we can't all cope with. Perhaps it is something, however, that we aren't used to. I remember hearing on the news about people who would get stressed at exam times and try to commit suicide."
"What do you suggest?"
"How about a course on how to manage stress and perhaps one on how to be better at planning out time, so things don't become stressful."
"Interesting ideas," said Mr Hobson sitting back and looking at us both. "Are you sure it's stress?"
"No," we said together. After a smile, Helen signalled to me. "We aren't psychiatrists, but what Jessica said, indicated it was an inability to cope. She can do the work, but isn't used to doing so much, so quickly. I'm sure Rachel will be able to give you a report to what was said and I'm sure Jessica will be seeing Becky."
As soon as I'd finished, the next question was fired at us, "Why do you think Jessica didn't speak to Becky about it?"
"Probably because she thinks it is a sign of weakness," answered Helen. "The rest of us all seem to be coping, so Jessica didn't want to seem to be the odd one out. I thought, after the suicide attempt, that she would have learnt to ask for help."
"I think from what you both have said, a small break in other studies might not be a bad idea. It will also give you more time to perfect your Russian. When you go back to your year-room, can you let them all know?"
"What about the Immigration Manor students in year D?"
"Let me just check with Mr Moore." Mr Hobson disappeared for a few minutes and returned with a grin on his face. "It is agreed. He thought it was a great idea and he's going to give year A, B and C the time off as well. It is unlikely that the American's will suffer as much, as their workload is gently ramped up from year A. However, he also wants his students to have lessons on how to deal with stress."
"Let's hope the stress management lessons aren't stressful," said Helen with a grin.
"Hey, not bad," laughed Mr Hobson. "Since you will get bored just relaxing at the school, a few outings might help. Why don't you have a word with the others and let me know.
"Yes Sir."
"One other bit of information for you both, regarding our friend in London. Her behaviour is different from what we first saw the other day. She and two colleagues have been systematically going through documents they have received from operatives in Russia."
"What's going on?"
"We aren't sure. It's like they know something is going on, but don't know what, and are trying to find out."
"Thanks for updating us."
"No problems. It only seemed fair, as you alerted us to Mavis knowing more than we thought. Please keep it to yourselves. I'll tell Stacy, but I don't want it going any further."
"Yes Sir," we said in unison.
"Er, Sir, are you aware of a plan to reveal Sam's secret? It might not be a good idea with what's happened with Jessica."
"Me?" he asked keeping a straight face. "I'm just a humble headmaster. What would I know anything about such things? However, if I hear about such a devious plot, I'll make sure it's delayed. Now, you better get back to your year-room and sort out the issues you caused."
"Just a humble headmaster," I smiled to myself as we made our way to the year room. I glanced across at Helen and had a small grin on her face. I wondered if my internal thoughts were reflected in my face.
As soon as we arrived, we were bombarded with questions. Heck, we hadn't even had time to close the door.
"Let them sit down first," ordered Melissa and Aurora together. The questions stopped.
"Thanks," I said, while being dragged to a spare settee by Helen.
"Mr Hobson was very understanding. He said that Jessica can take a break, but Sam will have to work ten times harder."
"WHAT?" half the room queried.
"Sorry," I giggled and got an elbow in my side. "I just felt in a teasing mood. Mr Hobson has agreed to us all having a break. He's going to arrange a course on stress management so that we know how to deal with stress in the future. Since we will have some spare time, we've been asked to come up some ideas for sightseeing. I don't think Mr Hobson wants us to stop learning!"
"Hey, don't you have castles here in England?" asked Wesley.
"You want to go and see a castle?" asked Emma in a shocked voice. "Why not somewhere fun, like Alton Towers?"
"What's Alton Towers?" asked Carolyn.
"It's an amusement place with lots of rides."
"Don't forget that not everyone here likes fast rides," reminded Helen.
"Oh yes, sorry."
"Don't apologise," said Sam. "There are plenty of things for me to do there, without going on the bad rides. Anyway, Alton Towers isn't open during the winter."
"Let's create a list," I said, whipping out my PDA. I hooked it up to output on the big television in the room. "Okay, take it in turn, starting with those from Immigration Manor. Tell me one thing you would like to see."
"A castle."
"Theme park."
"Buckingham Palace."
"Windsor."
"Seaside Resort."
"In this weather?" came one comment over the others.
"Well, I hear they're not like anything we have in America," Elaine said, defending herself.
"I suppose there's always Blackpool," said Brian. "That might also cover the theme park suggestion, but it's going to be quite cold this time of year."
"Let's carry on the list," I said.
"Stonehenge."
"Tate Gallery."
"Cadbury World," Erika called.
"What's that?" asked Michelle.
"It's a chocolate factory near Birmingham. I always wanted to go when I lived here, but we never had chance."
The list steadily grew and included a mixture of fun and educational items. I was quite impressed at how much the American's knew of Britain. In America, I'd only heard of The Statue of Liberty, Times Square, The White House and Disney. Perhaps I should do more investigation of the world around me.
"Okay, we have our list," I said, after everybody had been given a chance to nominate somewhere they'd like to visit. As the list grew, there were some that passed, as all their ideas had already been given.
"I saw some voting software a few months ago," I said, hunting around and eventually found it. I loaded all the suggestions in. "Okay, everyone vote for their top three places they'd like to visit. Once everyone has voted, we can give the list to Mr Hobson and see what he thinks."
"Well it certainly looks like a trip to the chocolate factory was very popular," said Helen, as the ordered list was eventually shown. "Well Erika, it looks like you will be seeing your chocolate factory after all."
"You do realise that on these trips we'll still have to speak Russian," I suddenly realised. "Can anybody here speak English with a Russian accent?"
"Of course," said Jessica. "How does this sound?"
"Very Russian," I replied.
"But?"
"Nothing."
"I saw your wince. What's wrong?"
"It sounded masculine," said Sam, breaking the news.
"Oh great, more speech therapy. It's a good job we've not got lessons for the next few weeks."
"What happens here for Christmas?" asked Paula, breaking everyone's thoughts about days out. "Do we celebrate? Do we give pressies?"
"We certainly celebrate at The Manor," said Melissa, as Helen and I exchanged worried looks. We'd been so busy that we'd forgotten about Christmas. There had been reminders in church, as the type readings had changed to those leading to the birth of Jesus. "What will happen during our time here, who knows? I presume we will follow the Hayfield tradition."
"What do you do at The Manor?"
"Oh, Christmas at The Manor is probably the best time of year, at least it is for me" Randall stated.
"Really?" Emma asked.
"So are you going to tell us about it, or keep it a secret?" inquired Sam.
"Well, for year A, Christmas starts about two weeks before Thanksgiving. That's when about half a dozen Christmas tree ornament catalogues are left for them to select from," Steph commenced telling us about their traditions.
"What for?" Jill wanted to know.
"Each student picks one ornament, something that is special to them," Michelle continued. "It's delivered to their rooms, just before Thanksgiving. This is their ornament that they keep the whole time they're at The Manor."
Cassie jumped in, "The day after Thanksgiving, a huge Christmas tree is put in the cafeteria. Sometime during the day, everyone brings their ornament and hangs it on the tree."
"Is that it? Just a big tree?" Jessica asked.
"Heavens no!" exclaimed Phillip, not wanting to miss out on telling part of the tale. "Christmas is a time of giving, a time to give to others. We may be invisible to the local community, but we do what we can to give of ourselves to make others happy."
"How do you do that and remain invisible?" I inquired.
"One of our traditions, is that during the second week of December, all classes are suspended and the ballroom is turned into a toy factory," Melissa told us.
"A toy factory?" Anna asked.
"That right! Everything needed is brought in and we become toy makers. We make stuffed dolls, teddy bears, wooden airplanes, trucks and trains. All the toys are then given to children who are stuck in the local hospitals during Christmas," James added.
"That sounds like great fun, but this year, you guys are here that week. Aren't the kids going to miss out?" Helen asked.
"When this trip was planned, they changed the week of the toy factory. We made all the toys the week before Thanksgiving, so nobody is missing out. We wouldn't want to disappoint the children," Susan assured us.
"Sorry, but what's Thanksgiving?" Emma asked.
"I thought Thanksgiving was in October," added Anna.
Kenny spoke up, adding a little explanation, "In Canada, Thanksgiving is celebrated on the second Monday in October and I believe it is a bit like your harvest festival. In America, it is the fourth Thursday in November. It's traditionally a time for giving thanks for the year we've had. It's also used to be classified as the start of the run-up to Christmas, so afterwards, all the Christmas decorations go up, though shops seem to put up their Christmas displays before then."
"So how many toys do you make? There can't be that many children in the hospital during Christmas," Paula wondered, getting back to what had been said.
"There are somewhere between eight to ten hospitals along the Wasatch Front. This year we did over one hundred and fifty dolls with complete wardrobes, about the same number of teddy bears, with clothes, and about seventy-five each of the wooden toys. Rumour has it that next year our toy shop will be in production for two weeks," Ruth stated.
"What's the Wasatch Front?" Jessica asked.
"Oh, sorry," Ruth apologized for not clarifying her reference. "The Wasatch Front is part of the Rocky Mountains. They start in central Utah and go into Idaho. There are four major cities along the Wasatch Front, Ogden, Salt Lake City, West Valley City, and Provo."
"All that toy making sounds almost unbelievable, but really neat. Do you have any other traditions?" Anna asked.
"Oh there's the carolling at the senior citizen centres, looking at Christmas lights around the area and of course, the Christmas day religious service of your choice," Tina added.
"They let you go out to sing carols? Doesn't security have a problem with that?" I asked bluntly.
"Yes, wouldn't that look a little out of place, having a huge choir going out in public to sing. We've never played locally, at least I don't think so," Helen added.
Kenny explained, "Oh no, there are several schools in the area that have choirs larger than ours, so it wouldn't seem strange at all. We however, don't go out as a big group; we split up into groups of about ten, and we only sing in senior citizen centres and rest homes, like Tina said. We've never performed as a whole group anywhere in the USA. They have some fifteen-passenger vans that we use. A psychiatrist, a teacher, and two other helpers, go with each group. The staff at some of the places I've been to, told us how good we were and that we should sing at the Crossroads Plaza, in downtown Salt Lake City, with all the other schools from the area."
"Of course, that's impossible," Ruth said, "But it's still a very nice compliment."
'Hmm, just a guess, but I bet those two helpers are part of the school's security', I thought.
"What did Tina mean, when she said you look at Christmas lights?"
"After we finish singing at the centre or rest home, we drive around looking at the Christmas lights and decorations around Salt Lake Valley. One of my favourites is Christmas Tree Lane," Monica told us.
"Yes, but we only see them from the van's. I'd like to be able to walk around Temple Square. From what I've seen on TV the lights there are really neat," Stephanie complained.
"What's Christmas Tree Lane?" I asked
"Well, it's actually called Glen Arbor Street, but we like to think of it as Christmas Tree Lane," Stephanie explained. "Anyway, every house is decorated with lots of lights. They string the lights from house to house, so it's continuous up one side and down the other."
"People don't go so mad putting up lights where I lived. Though I think it's taking off in some places. What's this about 'the religious service of your choice'?" Helen asked.
"Oh, we have so many students with different religious preferences, that we have services for five different denominations available. Each one does something different for Christmas," Melissa informed us.
"It's kind of interesting to go visit the different services, from time to time," Susan said. "It helps to understand other people a little better, if you understand a little about their religious beliefs."
"It sounds so wonderful," I sighed wistfully. Then I got a little idea, "Why don't I ask someone what they do here?"
"Sounds like a good idea."
I thought about who to ask, and decided to ask Stacy. I wanted to update her on what happened during the meal, anyway.
"Hi Stacy," I said, using my PDA as a telephone. "Sorry to disturb you, but would you know what normally happens at Hayfield over Christmas?"
"Of course I do. Hasn't anybody told you yet?"
"Nope."
"Oops. That was probably something I should have arranged. Would it be okay if I come and chat now?"
"Sure. See you in a few."
It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door and we let Stacy come into our year room. The room fell silent and a few people from both schools looked slightly nervous. I suppose having the head girl visiting wasn't an everyday activity, but she was human; I think.
"So, you want to know about Christmas?" Stacy curled up in one of the comfortable single seats.
"Well, I think that's a good starting position," I responded. A few faces looked surprised that I was able to communicate with the head girl in such a laid-back way.
"Well, Christmas has two meanings. Firstly, it's a religious day, celebrating the birth of Jesus. Secondly, it's a time to celebrate and remember friends and family."
"We can't see our family though, can we?" said Jessica, sadly.
"We're your family now," gently said Helen.
"We never forget our roots, either," continued Stacy. "No, we can't go home to our family and you know that. However, Christmas is a time we remember them. We tell each other tales of our friends and family, of a time before we came to our current school."
"What about cards and presents?"
"We send cards internally and cards and presents to our original families."
"We don't send presents internally? Not even to our partner?" asked Jill. Anna snuggled up closer to Jill when she said that.
"It has never been allowed before. Melissa, do they swap presents at The Manor?"
"No ... well ... sort of. I believe they used to, but after the security breech, they tightened security up, and that stopped. The school provides everything, that way it can be checked. The school does give everyone a bracelet their first year. Study partners pick charms from a catalogue. We all get together, in our year lounge, on Christmas day and exchange our small gifts of affection. If there is someone else you want to do something special for, well, there is usually left over material and they let us make clothes for each others dolls and teddies."
"Even the boys get charm bracelets?" I asked.
"Sure," Clara said. "We have Freaky Friday's; and like you and I are now, we sometimes go on field trips in our feminine role, so we have a chance to wear them. Besides, it shows our partner that we care about them, by wearing something that they gave us out of love."
"You all have dolls or teddy bears?" Lewis asked.
"Um, yes, we do," Wesley said, blushing slightly.
"Of course, we do," Melissa giggled at poor Wesley's embarrassment. "Most of us started school at The Manor when we were ten. Our special friends, as we call them, helped provide comfort and ease the pain of separation. I think, during those early years, everyone slept with his or her special friend. It wasn't until last year, or this year, that most of us started sleeping with each other. However, there are rumours that there is a couple in year B that has been sleeping together since before coming to The Manor."
I was looking around as Melissa was talking, most of year D was blushing, as well as year-one. Stacy was silently giggling. It looked like all of year-one had continued sleeping together, after Jessica's attempted suicide.
"So how do we get the cards and presents?"
"Starting Monday, a card shop will open in one of the rec-rooms. For family presents, we can go as a group to Milton Keynes. One of the staff will drive the minibus, as you are all too young. I'd recommend that you don't all wander round the centre as one big group, or the shopping centre security team will get very upset."
"We took care of selecting gifts and cards for our families before we left," Aurora, informed us. "They will be delivered a day or two before Christmas. Any cards or letters they've sent to us will be waiting for us when we return. As for internal cards, we would be pleased if we could participate in that tradition with you."
"What about money?"
"You have an account, which the school contributes to each month. There should be enough for most of you. If you have larger families, then discuss things with Jayne and Helen, who will sort things out with Mr Hobson. Year-D shouldn't have a problem, as they have already purchased family presents. You purchase the presents and once the minibus gets back, they'll be stored in an outbuilding. There you can wrap them and the school will organise shipping."
"What happens if our parents send something in a Christmas card?" asked Emma. "Such as money, gift vouchers, or pictures."
"It is then sent back," replied Stacy quietly, nervous at upsetting people. "Every year some year-one parents do that. It wouldn't be fair on the others in the year if it was kept, so a member of staff visits, to return the items and gently explain the situation."
This being the Americans fourth year at school, I presumed they were used to isolation from their family. For year-one, it was very hard. I'm sure it was very similar to what the American students must go through during year-A. In fact, it was probably harder for the year-A students, as they would be younger and have a harder job accepting the rules.
"So what happens at Hayfield at Christmas?"
"Well, we put up the tree and decorations twelve days before Christmas and remove them twelve days after Christmas. There is a large tree in the entrance hall and a smaller one in each year-room. Other places, such as the dining room, are decorated as the cross-year team assigned to that room feels fit. There are two religious services, a midnight service which starts just before midnight on Christmas Eve, and a service Christmas morning, which is optional to attend. Some pupils attend one or the other. Some are mad and attend both!"
"What about non-Anglican services?" asked Susan.
"I'm sure there will be services for other denominations, I just haven't got all that information," apologised Stacy. "I'll ask Mr Hobson to address things like that to the students during one of the meals. Since we have a smaller number of students, we've yet to have a student enquire about another religion. I'm surprised we haven't had someone enquire about having a Catholic Mass, as that's one of the other large religions. I'm sure it will be something that will be addressed in future years."
"Is anything special happening on Christmas Day?" asked Helen.
"Since we have the American's with us, I've heard there will be some new things taking place, including some type of musical festival on Christmas Day afternoon. More details will be announced closer to the time. We also have an annual trip to see a ballet. I believe this year we are going to see Swan Lake, at the London Coliseum."
"So when can we go shopping in Milton Keynes?" Paula asked, her eyes lighting up at the thought.
"What about Monday?" I replied. "It will give us time to be back before orchestra practice. It also shouldn't be as busy as the weekend."
"Don't you have classes on Monday?" asked Stacy, sounding rather puzzled.
"No," I replied and gave her a small wink.
"Anything else while I'm here?"
Nobody responded, so she got up to leave.
"Thanks for updating us," I said, followed by murmurs of thanks from the others in the room
"It sounds like you've got your hands full," she said to me, as she headed towards the door. "Give me a ring when you head up to your room and I'll have that chat then."
The upset of earlier seemed to be forgotten, as we all focused on the month ahead. The thoughts of Christmas were a stark reminder of our separation, but it was also an opportunity for us all to become closer.
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Synopsis:
A trip away from the school, but is it safe?
Story:
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 31
"Helen and Jayne, please report to Mr Hobson's office," requested the voice over the speakers.
"That's the first time I've heard the speakers being used," mentioned Kevin from year-four, who was swimming laps with his study partner, Susan.
"I suppose it's the only way to contact someone when they haven't got their PDA with them," said Paula, splashing Emma.
"We'll see you all at lunch," I said to the others in the year.
After the hectic end to Friday, yesterday had been relaxing and so far today, Sunday, had been great; but now this. To request us now, rather than send us a message on our PDA and wait until we were finished, was a clear sign something was wrong. Heck, it didn't take a rocket scientist to see it and if what Stacy had told us was true, by the time we'd finished school, we'd all be on the way to being as qualified as rocket scientists.
"Have fun," laughed Emma, hiding behind Jill's back to protect her from Paula's splashes. "I'm so glad I wasn't voted as a year leader. Oh, and tell Brian he doesn't know what he's missing."
Brian had been the only member of the year not to go swimming, having had an appointment with Dr Sue.
"I wonder what Mr Hobson wants?" pondered Helen, pulling herself out of the pool.
"I doubt we will find out till we get there," I said, following her out of the pool and towards the individual changing cubicles.
* * *
"I know you are only supposed to speak Russian, but I want to make sure you understand this, so it'll be in English," said Mr Hobson, as we were offered to sit on the settee. I breathed a sigh of relief, having been worried that we were in trouble. We took off our coats before we sat down, as this didn't look like a short meeting.
"What's wrong?" asked Helen, being a bit blunt.
"I'm sorry for disturbing your swim," started Mr Hobson. He paused and then continued, "This one is quite difficult, but you seem to have quickly grasped when to keep information to yourselves, so that's why I'm telling you this. The security section of the school has worries about Jill and Anna going to Milton Keynes, since that is where they used to live. There are justifiable worries that they might be spotted, and people wondering where they are. How would you like to go to another shopping area?"
I was glad that he didn't suggest leaving Jill and Anna behind. At least Mr Hobson had some feelings for his students.
"That's so ..." started Helen and broke off, realising she sounded like a small girl, about to go into a tantrum.
"What about Erika?" I asked, remembering that she was friends with Anna and Jill when she lived in England.
"She is still borderline. They have yet to come to any conclusion, which is why we didn't ask Melissa or Aurora to go with you."
"What if Andy, er sorry Brenda, did some work on them?" I queried, after some thought. "If they didn't look like they did when they lived in Milton Keynes, would that be acceptable?"
"I'm not sure," he replied, shaking his head in surprise that two students had come up with a better plan than he had.
"The children who knew them only did for a few months, so will find it hard to remember what they looked like," I added. "Also, to top it off, their old friends will be at school."
"Mmm, so they will."
"And I'm sure security will be there, keeping a discrete eye on us."
Mr Hobson winced at that.
"Sorry, I will stop fishing. So, can we all go to Milton Keynes?"
"If Brenda agrees to your plan, then I will again discuss it with the security team. If they say no, then I'm sorry." Mr Hobson shrugged his shoulders.
"Where's Brenda?" Helen asked me, after we'd left Mr Hobson's office.
"How should I know?" I retorted. She knew as well as I did that the locator software was restricted. "Look, instead of us getting into trouble, why don't I just give her a call?"
"I suppose that would do the trick," she giggled nervously. I began to wonder if Helen had been spending too much time with Matilda, learning how to always get into trouble.
"What's wrong?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, you don't seem yourself."
"I suppose it's the first time we've ever tried to buck the trend in a way which might not get us into trouble. Every other time we've always done things on the spur of the moment; such as in France and the other day in London."
"Let's see if we can make it work then."
I gave Helen a quick kiss, and after donning our coats, we went through the back doors, our hands firmly joined. It wasn't really the weather to be outside, but our coats were thick enough to keep us warm. It was too early in the year for snow, but with the wind chill, it certainly felt cold enough.
"Hi Brenda, do you have a few minutes?" asked Helen.
I'd persuaded Helen to make the call, but now I started to think that might have been a mistake. Not having made the phone call was certainly frustrating. I had to wait until she'd finished to find out what Brenda had said. I'd managed to gleam a few things from listening to Helen's side of the conversion, but on its own, it didn't really make sense.
"And?" I blurted out as Helen finished the call.
"She'll meet us in ten minutes," Helen replied, which wasn't much for the length of time she'd been on the phone. "I made the phone call, so you'll have to pitch the idea."
I stuck out my tongue and she tapped my bottom in disapproval, before running off back towards the school. I waited a second to see if Helen would stop. She didn't, so I gave chase.
"Jayne Laura Grant," a voice said, as Helen and I entered the school, our arms around each other.
"Yes sir?" I said, turning round to where Mr Yates was.
"Remember, no running."
"Yes Sir."
"I didn't think you worked at the weekend?" Helen asked Mr Yates.
"I don't," he smiled, trying to hide a frown. "I er, forgot some work I needed to mark."
As he wandered off, I wondered what his real reason for being here was. It certainly wasn't to do with marking as generally schoolwork was submitted electronically.
"Helen, are you okay?"
"Why?"
"Because you are certainly coming out of your shell. Questioning teachers like that."
"I know I shouldn't, but you seem to have so much fun that I thought I'd give it a go."
"And?"
"You certainly find out a lot more by discrete teasing."
"Just don't go as bad as Matilda does."
"Is she indiscrete?"
"I don't think so. From what I can gather, she keeps what she finds to herself. So where are we meeting Brenda?" I said, changing the subject.
"In here," Helen said, pushing open the door to one of the classrooms. "Brenda said she would be a few more minutes as she was experimenting with a new look."
We chatted to ourselves while we waited from Brenda to appear. It didn't take long before the door opened and a women in her mid twenties appeared. It took me a minute to spot it was Brenda.
"Well, you certainly look older," I said.
"Is that you Brenda?" Helen sounded astonished.
"Of course it's me. You don't think they would allow a stranger to walk unescorted around the school, do you?"
"Why do you want to pass for about twenty-five?" I asked.
"Well, you will need someone to drive the minibus. I'll do Stacy up similar. You really need to be over twenty-one to drive a minibus. We both are qualified."
"Won't the teachers mind you skipping classes?"
"Year five classes are a bit different. We cover a lot more things on how we will fit into the world, such as cooking, ironing and financial management. Things we would have learnt if we grew up at home instead of a school. We still do academic work as well, but it is much more self-learning and study. At this school, you finish A-Levels at year three."
"Brenda, what vehicles can you drive?"
"More than I should be allowed at my actual age."
"Planes?" asked Helen, her jaw dropping slightly.
"Only small private ones at the moment and that is perfectly legitimate. You can get your licence at seventeen for that one."
There was no doubt her speciality.
"Brenda, there is a slight issue with our trip to Milton Keynes. Security has concerns because two or three of us might be recognised."
"And what would you like me to do?" asked Brenda, with a slight knowing smile.
"Would you be able to help make them up so they look slightly different?" I asked.
"Like a disguise?"
"Yes, but I'm sure just a pair of sunglasses and a hat wouldn't help," added Helen with a giggle.
Brenda laughed at the normal length people go to be incognito. "No, I think I might be able to do something a bit better than that. Get Jill to meet me in the salon after lunch and see what I can do."
"You don't mind?" I asked nervously, glad she knew who we were talking about.
"Don't be silly," laughed Brenda. "I love doing things like that. It's also fun to see Stacy's face when I succeed. Anyway, I'd do anything to help someone else at the school. I understand why security is nervous, as they are not only trying to make sure nothing happens to just the three girls, but also that nobody finds out where they are at school."
By the time we were finished with Brenda, it was almost time for lunch. Nobody was in the common room, so I assumed they weren't back from swimming. Since returning from France, Brian had been having many chats with Becky and from what I could gather, quite a few medical checks, but he was normally finished in time for lunch. Since the swimmers had taken the two minibuses, we got to the car park just as they were all getting out.
"How was Mr Hobson?" asked Melissa.
"We weren't in trouble," I answered and then quietly, so only she could hear, "Just an added complication for tomorrow."
"Anything I need to be aware of?"
"Not yet. Concerns have been raised about Jill and Anna, since they used to live in Milton Keynes."
"Ah, so are we going somewhere else?"
"We are trying something else after lunch. Anyway, Erika used to live in Milton Keynes, but so far, she is okay to go. If she wasn't, they would have had you and Aurora in that meeting as well."
"Okay, thanks for letting me know."
"I'll let you know if there is any update."
"Jill, is there any chance you can help Brenda with an experiment, after lunch?" I asked, giving Helen the eye. I'm sure this idea was as much Helen's as mine.
"What does she want me to do?"
"She is experimenting with makeup, and needs a model."
"What?"
"Would you be able to help her?" I repeated, not wanting to explain more.
"Ooh, it will be nice to see you made up again," said Anna gleefully.
"Sure," said Jill, after an excited Anna elbowed her. "I'm not sure why me, though."
"Thanks," I said, giving a beam of a smile, leaving a very puzzled Jill to Anna's mercy.
After lunch, we had an impromptu music practice. We went onto the system that held the music and printed off a few pieces to play. These we knew we would never play again, but it was for the sheer enjoyment of music making. Since there weren't really enough instrument players, we decided we would all sing and one of the best places to sing was in the church. Hayfield Hall didn't have a school choir that sang on trips away, but when you heard the singing during church, it was clear that the students still took it seriously.
"Are you okay, Brian?" I asked, during a break. Since coming back from seeing Dr Sue, he didn't seem himself.
"Yeah, just got a few things on my mind."
"Well we are there for you if you need it."
"Thanks. Lewis is being a great help, but if I need to talk, you will be first on my list."
"Okay, just don't think you are alone."
He gave a weak smile. "In some ways I am."
I opened my mouth to ask what he meant by that, but he wandered off back to Lewis.
"Are you ready for something different?" asked Aurora, handing out some sheets.
"This isn't in English," exclaimed Paula.
"No, it's Latin," explained Jamie. "We sang this last Easter. It seems that Miserere is sung every Easter in the Sistine Chapel. There was a ban on others writing the music down, until Mozart, aged fourteen, heard it and later jotted it down from memory. It soon leaked out."
"Aged fourteen?" I asked, amazed. "That's not much older than we are."
"Okay, let's give it a try," said Helen.
Our first attempt was laughable. Our pronunciation was awful, well Hayfields was. The American's sang it very well having sung it before. We didn't give up and after a few attempts, we sounded a lot better.
"Do you have anything else in Latin?" Anna asked.
"Are you serious?" Emma nearly choked in shock.
"I was just getting the hang of it."
"We have a short piece called Ave Verum Corpus, which isn't too hard. Since Jamie mentioned Mozart, why don't we try his version? He wrote it less than six months before he died," said Aurora. "Martha, why don't you hop onto the organ to accompany us for this?"
"Sure," she smiled, her eyes lighting up.
One year singing by themselves would only have attracted the attention of someone passing close by. However, with the organ playing, it would make things a bit more obvious. Sure enough, a few enquiring faces looked around the church door. We smiled at each other, slightly embarrassed at our friends hearing us; strangers didn't affect us the same way. However, we kept singing, our enjoyment greater than our embarrassment.
As we finished, and the slight echo died down, we heard applause coming from the corridor. Aurora paid little attention and was quickly dishing out the next song. There was little time to scan the music before the organ started playing the introduction. I was glad to see it wasn't Latin, but this one was in French and appeared to be another religious song, which I suppose was only correct since we were in a church. Much of the French I learnt must have stayed, as I understood most of the words and even how to pronounce them.
As we sang, the audience that had stood outside the door crept in. Martha didn't stop playing, so we kept on singing the Cantique de Jean Racine. Stacy stood by the door, quietly ushering people in. The room was quickly filling with students, but only students. Stacy politely refused entry to the members of staff that tried to come in. We finished the song to another big round of applause.
"Would you sing some of the others we missed?" begged Roberta, the conductor from Immigration Manor.
"We didn't do many, as us Brits were struggling with Latin," I explained.
"You sounded fine when we heard the Mozart earlier," shouted someone from the third pew.
So sing we did, to everyone's delight. This was a perfect afternoon to a relaxing Sunday. During our small rendition, Brenda appeared with Jill. Her hairstyle had been changed, as had her hair colour. If she hadn't been with Brenda, I wouldn't have recognised her. I heard a small gasp from Anna as she saw her partner.
"Are you okay?" I asked Anna, dragging her behind some of the other singers.
"Just a shock. I hardly recognise her," she said in a hushed voice as the singing continued.
"Good."
"Good? I'm her lov- , study partner. What's going on?"
I smiled at what she nearly said and then quickly sobered up. "Anna, do you want to discuss it now, or wait ten minutes till we finish singing?"
"I'll wait," she replied, frowning slightly.
After the singing had finished and the applause had died down, everyone left to enjoy the thirty minutes left before orchestra and choir practice. I didn't get a chance to relax, as I went for a nice chat with Anna. Helen went to see if there was any reaction from the rest of the year.
"What's going on?" demanded Anna, as I shut the door to a spare room.
"Helen and I were told earlier that you and Jill weren't allowed to go on the trip to Milton Keynes," I explained, trying not to give too many details away, such as security having a veto.
"Because we used to live there?"
"Yes, and that you might be noticed. People think you've moved away, and if you are spotted, they might wonder where you are living or going to school."
"Oh. So were we going to be left behind?"
"No, the suggestion was that we all go to a different shopping area. Helen and I came up with the plan of disguising you both, so the traditional event can occur."
"Oh," Anna murmured. "Does Jill know about this?"
"Brenda will have explained as much as I've told you."
Anna nodded, understanding that there were other things, which I couldn't discuss. "What about me? I take it I'll need to get transformed?"
"If the disguise plan gets the go ahead, then yes."
"You should have told us this much, earlier."
"If Brenda hadn't been able to help Jill, you would have been disappointed. We wanted to know if it could be done. I suppose it helps that the students here are good at disguising themselves for things like mix-up Mondays."
"We could have gone as male."
"Sorry, but you don't pass well enough yet. Anyway, you have to stay female, due to our trip to Russia."
We went and joined the others in the year room. They were all still shocked about Jill's transformation."
"Will I need to be disguised?" asked Erika.
"I've not been told so," said Melissa. "Would you like to?"
"It might be fun. Do you think they will be able to fit me into the schedule? Martha, how would you like me? Bright pink hair?"
"Ewww, no. How about being blonde, large falsies, a very low top, and a belt for a skirt?"
The Americans were all laughing, leaving us Brits wondering what the joke was.
"When Erika joined, we teased her by getting her dressed as a tart for the day," explained Melissa. "Her Dad wasn't amused either."
"Poor girl," said Martha, cuddling up to Erika.
"Come on," I said looking at my watch. "We don't want to be late for practice. Roberta will kill us."
"You've caught on quickly," said Melissa, scrambling to her feet. "Have all you singers got your headsets?"
At each practice, we worked on a different part of our concert. We gradually began to sound like we had been together for years, rather than just a few weeks. Tonight was Roberta's turn with the baton, and she wasn't shy about her idea of how things should sound. Brian watched and occasionally asked a question. He was very much still learning and Roberta was a great person to learn from. He seemed a bit happier than he did earlier. Having to concentrate seemed to take his mind off whatever problem he had.
After the evening meal and group game of Monopoly, we all settled down to relax. Some read, others listened to music and others just chatted. Listening to music was the easiest as reading Russian was still difficult for me.
A phone call from Mr Hobson, giving us all permission to go to Milton Keynes interrupted our individual activities. Brenda would do Anna first thing in the morning. Erika decided it would be a safe move, and added her name to the list.
"Is there something different about the swimming pool?" Melissa asked openly, bringing a larger chat into play. "It doesn't appear to have the same smell and taste as other pools."
"There was a student, who left last year, who was allergic to chlorine, so they changed it to a chlorine free pool. At the start of this school year, the school shifted back for a few weeks to use chlorine, but there were so many complaints from the students that they stopped using it. It's a good job, as in a recent allergy test they found out Wendy had an allergy to chlorine."
"Ah, that explains it."
"I don't think I've met Wendy," said Wesley.
"She's my sister," announced Jessica proudly.
"You have a sister here? Wow."
"She was better at hiding her gender issues at home than I was. I can just think what my Dad would say if he found out he had two transgendered children."
"I'm sure if he knew the real you and what you'd suffered, then he would have loved you even more," stated Sam.
"Do you get much mail from home?" I asked, remembering that during the French trip, we'd bumped into Jessica's parents and I'd overheard that Jessica's Dad planned to send a letter saying he was sorry for his earlier behaviour.
"I had a letter a few weeks ago from my mum. I also had one from my Dad, but I couldn't face opening it. It's still on my desk in my room."
"I've mentioned about me reading it to check it," said Sam before anybody could say anything.
"Thanks for the offer," sighed Jessica. "I'll read it when I'm ready."
"We have sisters at our school," said Melissa trying to take the attention off Jessica, who appeared to be very embarrassed. "Only one of them has gender issues, or so it appears."
"Is that Matilda?" asked Helen. "What's her sister like?"
"Rachel? She is a fighter. Before she joined the school, she was very badly beaten-up and spent about six months in the school hospital. She still walks with a limp."
"Is that the young brunette girl with the walking stick?" asked Emma.
"Yes, I think she is the only one at the moment with a walking stick. Mary Beth, Matilda's partner, had difficulty walking for a while due to cracked ribs after she was attacked. She spent about five weeks in a wheelchair, but she never needed a cane."
"America doesn't sound very safe," commented Brian.
"Don't generalise," scolded Helen. "There are violent attacks in England, too. Don't forget that America is larger than England and has a much larger population. If you went into certain areas, such as Moss Side in Manchester, I'm sure you would have as much chance of getting attacked, if not higher."
"Mary Beth and Rachel were attacked by the same person," said Michelle. "But let's not dwell on things like that. I hear he isn't a problem anymore, so let's talk about nicer things, like finding out from Erika, Anna, and Jill what shops are at Milton Keynes."
As we all chatted, I noticed Brian was not really with us. His mind seemed to be on other things. Lewis, Brian's partner, had also noticed and must have said something, as Brian gave a small smile and rejoined the banter of what we were going to do in Milton Keynes.
* * *
Monday morning found us making our first trip to Milton Keynes shopping centre. Since joining the school, this was our first trip in this country that wasn't closely chaperoned. We'd had quite a lot of freedom in France, and now that was being given to us here.
Anna had been given quite a sophisticated look. Her hair was still the same colour, but the style had been changed so it framed her face. After a few glances, I concluded that it suited her better than her previous style. The look that a subtle bit of makeup gave her, made her look like a close relative of Jill's. I didn't have any idea how Brenda had pulled it off, as normally they didn't look anything like each other.
As Martha had requested, Erika had chosen to go blonde and was looking slightly larger on top than her usual size. However, that is as far as she'd gone with Martha's request, which nobody would have followed in the middle of winter. I certainly couldn't have carried off her tight pair of jeans, even when wearing a gaff.
I issued a PDA that would work outside the school to everyone from Hayfield. I didn't have to worry about the Americans, as they had their own travel PDA's. We climbed into the two minibuses and were on our way to Milton Keynes. Milton Keynes, the land of roundabouts, grid layout, and concrete cows. Milton Keynes was not named after the famous economist, but from one of the small villages that already existed when the Milton Keynes project was conceived in the 1960's. The only time I'd ever visited there, was when I went to rescue Jill and Anna, and that was just the southern area. Today would be my first visit to the centre, and I only had details from the three girls plus what I could gather from the Internet.
"What are you going to do while we're here?" I asked the twenty-five year old rendition of Brenda, as we jumped out of the minibus.
"Oh, we'll be around," she replied with an impish smile. "We are but just a phone call away."
"Making sure we stay out of trouble?"
"Nah, we want to get a sneak of what's around to get a head start on the others in year five. We trust you not to get into trouble. Oh, before you go, Stacy asked that you stay with Helen, but not be in the same group as Ruth and Michelle."
I waved goodbye, as Brenda and Stacy went to park the minibuses, and went to join the others, who were discussing, in a rather animated way, what they wanted to do.
"What's in that great big building over there?" said Emma, pointing to the big sloping mass behind us.
"Oh, that houses the indoor ski centre, rock-climbing and cinema," replied Jill.
"Skiing?" asked Sam. "Inside? Is it one of those mat things, like they have at Gloucester?"
"I've no idea what they have at Gloucester," smiled Jill, "but this is based on real snow."
"That sounds great. Do you think we'll get chance to try it out?" asked Ruth.
"It depends how many trips we have," replied Aurora. "We have that stress management program to do."
"I'm not sure if that was just for us, or if it included you," I said.
"It better be for us. I'd hate to have the issue that Jessica has," muttered Phillip.
"Now that Jessica has shared her problem, not only will she get the help she needs, but others will be helped so they are less likely to have the problem in the future. Just look at when they found Stacy had a serious allergy. They tested everyone to make it less likely the situation would arise again."
"Okay everyone, let's split up into groups so we don't stand out," Helen reminded us all. "Any idea where we could meet for lunch?"
"Depends what food you like? There are plenty of fast food places, or there are places inside some of the shops," answered Anna.
"Please, not McDonalds," said Monica. "We can have them in America. This will be the first meal we will have outside the school."
"How about John Lewis?" Jill suggested. "They have a nice restaurant with a variety of food, including these huge pancakes they make in front of you. However, they do get packed."
"There are thirty of us, so how about five groups of six people? How does two locals and four visitors in each group sound?"
"Sounds like a plan," agreed Melissa.
Ruth and Michelle headed towards us, but I gave a little shake of my head, which Michelle noticed. She dragged Ruth off towards Sam and Jessica. We ended up with Monica, Carolyn, Tina, and Susan.
"One last thing," I said before we split up. "Any trouble, then contact one of the year leaders. We want to give a good first impression in our first outing here."
We were then off exploring, the Hayfield students thinking about what gifts they could get their parents, while the American's were enjoying browsing and seeing what was different between the UK and America.
"You've got to be kidding?!" was the rough translation of Tina's sudden Russian exclamation. A few people turned round to look at why a Russian girl was kicking up a fuss about something. I have to admit, her accent was very good.
"What is it, Tina?" I asked.
"How much for Mountain Dew?"
Tina was looking in a shop window. It looked like a café that also sold imported American food. Some items had coupons on their sides in cents.
"Is the food expensive then?"
"It's about four times what we would pay in America."
"Well, I suppose there are shipping costs and some Americans would be willing to pay a premium for things that remind them of America."
"Oh sure, but surely not Mountain Spew and at THAT price. Anyone willing to pay that much must be desperate."
As we browsed, Helen and I got a message on our PDA's from Stacy. It was addressed to not just us two, but also to Michelle and Ruth. "A little competition for you. As you probably guessed, there are some security personnel around to make sure you stay safe. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to photograph them. You get twenty points for each correct person, but five deducted for every wrong guess. The winner is the one with the most points. If there is a draw, the one with the least wrong guesses wins. This message will self destruct ... nah, just kidding."
"Anything interesting?" asked Monica.
"A competition," I answered absent-mindedly.
"Oh, I love competitions," said Susan.
"This is a special one," added Helen in a no-nonsense manner.
"Ah, well, best of luck then. Let's get away from expensive American goods and find something nice for your families."
"Have you any idea what you can get your family?" I asked Helen.
"No, and I don't think it will get any easier as the years go on. We all used to drop hints to each other, but I scanned my latest emails and there were none."
"I'm at a loss too," I sighed. "I thought about getting my mum a beginner's cook book, but I don't think it would do any good."
"What about smellies from M&S?"
"The only place my parents go is down the pub. I don't think they would do any good."
Just before lunch, despair began to set in. In the corner of my eye, I saw a face I'd seen before and discreetly snapped off another picture. Observation was a great distraction to despair. This was the third picture I'd taken since we'd been told about the competition. Helen had taken only one, but I think it was a good one.
"How are things going?" asked Sam as we met outside John Lewis.
"Not good," Helen and I replied together.
"We've not found anything for our families," I explained.
"Susan did see a nice outfit," Helen added.
"See," said Susan, as she modelled for her partner. "I said it was nice. Shame we don't have anything like that in our wardrobe."
"I think the school would have a fit," I laughed. "We are being educated to be good outstanding members of the community. That outfit doesn't leave much to the imagination."
Susan moved closer to me and said quietly, "Jealous?"
"No," I whispered back. "No offence, but I wish it was Helen wearing it."
Susan pulled away. "Very good answer," she laughed.
When all our little groups were back together, we trooped up the stairs to the John Lewis cafe. As it was a weekday, it wasn't as busy as it would have been on a weekend, though it was already beginning to get busy. If we'd waited until twelve, we might not have all gotten a table.
The biggest tables were tables for four, but the area furthest from the food had tables we could manipulate. We were lucky enough that that area was relatively clear and we dragged a table of two next to our table of four, so there was room for our little shopping group.
"So what do your parents do, apart from drink?" Tina asked me.
"My mum likes to watch soap operas and they both like to watch old films."
"Well get them a few DVD's then?" suggested Monica.
"I can't, they don't have a DVD player."
"Well duh," said Helen. "Don't you have enough in your school account to get them a DVD player?"
"But it is so extravagant," I complained. "We aren't used to giving so much."
"Then include your brother. I'm sure they will all get value from it. Get it for them as a family gift and get them each a DVD they would like."
"That's an idea," I admitted. As I munched on the food, Helen took a photograph of someone on a table near the window, overlooking the Christmas grotto."
"Do you have room for a dessert?" Helen asked.
The four American girls declined and Helen looked a bit disappointed. I was going to decline, but knew she wouldn't have one herself if nobody else did.
"What were you going to have?" I asked.
"One of those pancakes," she smiled, her eyes wide with anticipation.
"Which flavour?"
"Banoffee, why?"
"Because I want to see what they have. I'll get it for you."
There was a small queue and I watched as they made a pancake for the person in front. They had a large hot round hob just for making these pancakes. As I watched it being made, it made me slightly hungrier and decided I wanted one myself.
I'd just been served the two pancakes when I was approached by a young policewoman and a middle-aged man, who showed me an educational welfare badge.
"Why aren't you at school?" he asked.
I swore under by breath. This was just what I didn't want.
"Can we deal with this in a minute?" I said in English, but kept the Russian accent. "I don't want our pancakes to go cold."
"There are more of you?"
"I'm with a school field trip visiting your country."
"Can you prove that? Where is your teachers?"
"They have just nipped to the minibuses," I said as I wandered to the table, refusing to let them stop me. "And that should be 'Where are your teachers'. Didn't you go to school?"
I passed Helen her pancake and said to everyone in Russian, "Seems the Educational Welfare people want to know why we aren't at school."
"Truancy Police?" Carolyn replied in English, for the benefit of our unwelcome friends.
Jill was on the table next to us, but looked slightly older due to her makeup. I saw her slip out her PDA and send a message, obviously warning the others.
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Synopsis:
No school lessons, but that doesn't stop learning from occuring.
Story:
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 32
I expected the others to disappear, but instead they did the opposite and all joined us. The truant officer looked a bit nervous with so many children surrounding him, but the policewoman, who was a lot younger, kept her cool.
"If you are with a teacher, then there shouldn't be any trouble," she said.
Aurora started babbling something in very rapid Russian, waving her arms around a lot. Ruth quickly joined in. My Russian wasn't up to spec, but Melissa caught on quickly enough.
"I am sorry about this," she said in English, with a very thick Russian accent. "They are both worried that you are English secret police and they will be tortured."
"We aren't like that," said the Educational Welfare Officer, horrified that someone would think that of him. "I just want to make sure that people get the education they should."
"Well, we aren't even being allowed to finish our meal," I said, pointing to my half-eaten pancake.
"We'll sit over there and let you finish your meal," said the policewoman. "Do you promise not to run off?"
"Of course," I said, indignantly.
Until now, I'd not had chance to look at my PDA and see what Jill had sent. I discretely looked at it and saw that she had copied Stacy and Brenda. As I struggled to finish off the pancake, which I'd only purchased to keep Helen happy, I looked at what was happening. The people who I thought were Hayfield Hall security were happily having another cup of coffee and were making no attempt to assist. The Policewoman was keeping an eye on us, while the Educational Welfare Officer was busy on his mobile phone.
"Sorry, I can't eat any more," I sighed, putting down my folk and spoon.
"It was very kind of you to have a dessert with me," thanked Helen, swapping my dish with her empty one. I couldn't believe that she had the room to finish mine.
When Helen had finished off my leftovers, we started collecting our things, getting ready to leave. I'd been hoping the delay of finishing our meal would have given enough time for Stacy and Brenda to appear, but there was still no sign of them. The truancy cop and policewoman obviously saw us gathering our items together and approached.
"Are you going to arrest us all?" I asked.
"Er, well, we wouldn't arrest you."
"I saw you on your mobile phone earlier," I continued. Wanting this to all be over with, I wasn't dancing around the issues as gently as I might, or possibly should, have. "Have any schools reported a whole class of Russian speaking students missing?"
"Ah, no, nobody hast," he said, slightly embarrassed. "But you shouldn't be wandering around the shopping centre without your teacher?"
"Oh, and do children aged thirteen and fourteen not go shopping here on their own?" asked Melissa.
"Well I suppose so," he conceded. The policewoman was very quiet, apart from a little snigger.
"If we'd gone to the shops as one group, with our teachers, it would have made a very big group. Wouldn't that have made the shopkeepers very nervous?" added Wesley.
"Ah, here they are now," I said, spotting Stacy and Brenda arriving.
The two officers disappeared, after getting confirmation that we were who we said we were.
"You handled the situation very well," praised Stacy. "Now have fun with the rest of the time we have here. If you'll all meet us at two where we got off the busses, we have a little trip to somewhere else planned for you."
Now I knew what I was purchasing, it didn't take long to find what I wanted. Helen also had a moment of inspiration and we managed to have everything purchased in time for the minibus. The Americans were great and helped carry the items. It mustn't have been the most exciting day for them.
When we arrived at the shopping centre exit, three minibuses were waiting. The third driver was Mr Hobson.
"Okay, in the back of the third minibus, you will find ten labelled boxes. Find yours and place your presents in it. That way, they won't be mixed up when I unload them. Any questions?"
There weren't any, and the loading began. It was great that the gifts would be taken back to Hayfield and therefore we didn't have to worry about them going astray during our extra stop. The only one who had trouble was Emma.
"Wow Emma, that dolls house is huge," gaped Sam.
"It's for my niece. Her mother isn't very well off, and I know how much she likes dolls."
"Don't worry about it," said Mr Hobson, with a tender smile on his face. "I'll make sure that it is well looked after. I'm sure Naomi will love it."
As Mr Hobson drove off, we climbed into our minibuses. Everyone was chatting away about what we'd seen and how scary it had been with the Welfare Officer. It wasn't until we'd moved off that the conversation died down and things began to sink in.
"So your niece is called Naomi?" Paula asked Emma. "Is that Sarah's daughter?"
"Yes," Emma replied slowly, her face frowning in deep thought.
"What's up?"
"I've never mentioned my niece to anybody at school, though I have had a few letters from Sarah. I'm sure I've never mentioned what my niece was called. Yet Mr Hobson not only knew I had a niece, but also her name."
From my initial interview, I'd found out that they had done intensive research into my family. Therefore, it really wasn't a shock to me that they knew about Emma's. What was a surprise was that Emma didn't know how intensive the background search was and that Mr Hobson had remembered at least one seemingly remote family member.
I glanced at Helen, who had a look of understanding in her eyes. She shook her head slightly, to indicate I shouldn't say anything. I smiled and gave a slight nod to show my understanding. This wouldn't be a good subject to bring up now and probably not in the short term.
"So where are we going?" I asked.
"Are we nearly there yet?" crowed some of the other passengers sarcastically, reminiscing of when they were younger.
"No, not yet," laughed Brenda, a certain something in her voice. I recognised what it was and sat back to watch her wind someone up.
We were well out of central Milton Keynes, heading south. There wasn't much to see as the housing had been deliberately kept away from the main routes, with trees or big bushes blocking the road noise. I tried to picture where we were based on the map of Milton Keynes I'd studied last night. According to the grid structure, we were near the southern end, near Bletchley.
Brenda, who had been following Stacy, suddenly accelerated and overtook her partner. I looked around and saw a few had looks of surprise on their faces. After going round three more roundabouts, she took a right.
"We're going to Tesco's?" asked a shocked Paula, not really believing they would be going food shopping.
"Just kidding," said Brenda, laughing at their faces. "I didn't think you'd fall for that one. Why would we go food shopping when all food is so lovingly cooked at Hayfield. Even Stacy's cooking yesterday lunchtime seems to have gone without a hitch. Nobody in the dining room complained."
"Why would Stacy be cooking?" enquired Emma.
"Because the school doesn't like us to go out without the skills we need to survive," I replied, as Brenda neatly avoided a BMW crashing into us. The BMW hadn't been watching and tried to enter the lane of the road we were in.
Brenda continued, "If we'd been at home, we would have been taught how to cook by our parents, well except maybe for Jayne. Here we have to rely on the school. Anyway, this wasn't her first time cooking, but at least this time she didn't set off the fire alarms."
"Yikes, I'd have hated being taught by my parents," I lamented. "They were the worst cooks in the world."
"So where are we going?" demanded Paula.
"Tut, tut," laughed Brenda. "Such a demanding girl this afternoon, aren't we?"
"Brenda!" I warned, thinking the teasing had gone on long enough.
"We're just going round the corner," said Brenda, with a small laugh. She glanced across at the mini-bus that Stacy was driving. Stacy gave a big grin and a thumbs-up. It looked like similar teasing had been going on there too. "Oh, and you have permission to speak English for the duration of the next visit."
Brenda was correct, it was just round the corner and we entered the grounds of Bletchley Park. This meant nothing to me, but Jill started getting very excited, so I presumed this was something to do with computers. Computers were good at what they did, but I saw nothing to get excited about. Apparently I was wrong, this place was not what it seemed.
"Who's heard of Bletchley Park?" asked Harry, our tour guide.
Jill was the only one to raise her hand. "It is the place that had of one of the world's first computers," she explained, after being asked to explain.
"Do you know anything else about it?"
"No, not really," she admitted. "Just that the machine was called Colossus. My Dad used to go on a lot about computer history."
"Yes, it was called Colossus. Okay, have you all heard of World War Two?"
Everyone muttered in their own way that they had.
"Well that is a good start. During World War Two, both Germany and Japan developed several codes. Bletchley Park was set up to crack those codes, so we would know what they were doing. Its whole existence was kept secret, even after the war. It was only talked about for the first time in the 1970's. Many people who worked here still refuse to discuss what happened."
"Why?" asked Susan, puzzled.
"Because if it was known that we'd broken their code, they would have changed it. The whole idea was to shorten the war. Great lengths were taken to protect what we knew. In fact it led to one of the hardest decisions that the government had to make during the war. The code crackers found out that there was going to be big bombing on Coventry. If Coventry had been evacuated, the Germans would have known that the code was broken. However, if nothing was done, many thousands would die."
"What happened?" encouraged Stacy.
"The secret was kept. Coventry was bombed as intelligence said it would. Things were done to lessen the impact, but many still died."
"Wasn't that wrong?" said Emma, sounding horrified. "Shouldn't the government have got everyone out?"
"Perhaps, perhaps not. I'm not here to moralise, but teach you what happened."
"What if the codes had been changed and the war had dragged on for many more years?" Stacy asked. "Wouldn't that have led to more deaths? More suffering with the food shortages? More bombings?"
"That's just a guess!" exclaimed Paula.
"True, it is," admitted Stacy. "However, because it never happened, that is all we can do. Psychohistory isn't a developed science."
"Psycho what?"
"Psychohistory," smiled Wesley. "It's an idea in a series of science fiction books by Isaac Asimov. The ability to predict the future based on past events and mathematical equations."
"Let's move on and look at an Enigma machine, a Turing Bombe and Colossus ," announced Harry, before anything more could be said.
"I thought Colossus was destroyed and the Enigma machine stolen?" said Jill, puzzled.
"They were," agreed Harry. "However, there is an ongoing project to try and rebuild Colossus. The Enigma machine was returned in a surprising way - it was shipped to Jeremy Paxman at the BBC. So there is nothing from stopping you seeing both."
"Wasn't the Enigma machine the thing that the American's managed to steal from a German u-boat?" asked Melissa.
"Ah, no," said Harry, with a slight grimace. "That was just Hollywood changing the facts for a film. It was actually a British submarine that got a copy of the Enigma machine. If people make films about historic events, I wish they would do it accurately. Two brave people, Anthony Fasson and Collin Grazier, died when the u-boat sank. It would have been less hurtful if Hollywood had honoured them."
Colossus looked nothing like a modern computer. Its large structures and valves made it look dated, but as we were told, it was very efficient at what it did. It could crack the German Lorenz codes as quickly as a modern computer could, but that's all it could do. It was a machine for a task, not a machine for general purposes.
None of us were stupid. We realised we were being shown what it was like to have to keep a secret from everyone for a long time. People who worked there couldn't even discuss what they did with others on site. Even the development of Colossus was a secret and handled by different teams at what would become British Telecom. The blue prints were destroyed after the war.
"All of this was possible due to a highly dedicated team. A team which kept things secret and most were never awarded for their duty. In fact one of the main people which saved Britain, was cruelly treated after the war. Alan Turing was asked to help finish a project in Manchester called Mark 1, which was nicknamed Baby. In 1952, Alan Turing's house was broken into and items were stolen. He reported it to the police and while they were investigating, Alan admitted that the other man in the house was his partner. Alan was arrested and found guilty for homosexuality. The government washed their hands of him. He was given an option to avoid jail; he could take hormone therapy to make him impotent. He took the therapy. In June 1954 he was found dead from cyanide poisoning."
We stood there shocked. Someone who had done so much for Britain, someone that had saved so many lives and nothing was done to help him. Homosexuality was no longer a crime, but it was the first time we'd come across how being different could impact someone so much.
Even though it had been a day off schoolwork, it was not a day without learning. Jessica, however, seemed a lot happier, even though she'd had to spend most of the day speaking Russian. By the time we were back at the school, the sadness had mostly faded and we were remembering the good times.
"Ah, did you have fun?" welcomed Mr Hobson, as we alighted from the mini-busses.
"Yes thanks, Sir," we chorused.
"When you have settled in and Jayne has checked in your travel PDA's, would it be possible to come and speak with you all?"
Helen, Melissa, Aurora and I exchanged a quick glance and all nodded. "How about twenty minutes?" I asked.
"Twenty minutes it is," Mr Hobson agreed.
It didn't take that long to sort out the travel PDA's. One by one, I switched control back from the travel PDA to their school version. It was a two person task. The person needed to sign out of the travel PDA, where all user data created would automatically be uploaded to the master server. I would then switch control to their in-house school PDA and they would then login to that PDA. The only student PDA's that were difficult were Stacy's and Kriss's internal and travel PDA's. Not only did they have extra functionality, but they were also secured in more intricate ways.
"Jessica, as the expert in Russian, how are we doing?" asked Melissa, as I worked on the PDA's.
"How do you want me to answer that?"
"Truthfully," Helen said. "It is the only way we will learn."
"Generally The Manor students are a lot better than Hayfield," she said, not daring to look at anybody. "The difference is the accents. Hayfield students need a bit more polishing, but that will come over the next few weeks. I suppose I didn't help. The biggest issue is that you are all speaking too formally. No Russian would phrase sentences like you're doing."
"Can you help?" I queried, taking Jill's travel PDA.
"I don't know," Jessica muttered.
"JESSICA!" fumed Sam. "You aren't abandoning us again, are you?"
"Calm down," Helen ordered. "Let Jessica continue."
"I didn't say I wouldn't," Jessica said, defending herself. "I'm not sure how to. I've never tried to teach and have no idea how to do it."
"I can help," offered Anna. "I did it when we went to France, so I can give you some hints."
"Can you also liaise with Wesley?" Melissa asked. "He is our Russian expert."
"Sure," Jessica said hesitantly.
Sam whispered something to Jessica, to which Jessica responded.
"Jessica, Wesley will not be offended," said Ruth. "We've had longer to work together and realise that we are a team and we just want the best for everyone. Now are you going to tell everyone, or do I have to."
"How did you know what I said to Sam?"
"I can read lips," she smiled. "It is quite a useful skill."
"Phil is better at Russian than Wesley. He listened to my Russian and picked up a lot of the phrasing. Sorry Wesley."
"Don't be," said Wesley. "If Phil is better then why would you hide that? We want to be passable enough with the language and you have highlighted a weakness."
"What about the other years?" Aurora asked.
"I'm not sure how many others have spent time in Russia, apart from my sister," Jessica said, still worried about being pressured into revealing the truth.
"I know it is important for the others to learn how to speak less formally, but I'm not having Jessica's health put at risk. Jessica has just told us how stressed she was and she needs to relax," I warned.
"I'll be okay to help others here," said Jessica, after a moment's thought. "I'm sure that stopping the other lessons will help. I have a chat scheduled with Tracy after tonight's meal, so don't worry if I'm not here."
"Thanks for the update," I said warmly. "Mr Hobson will be here in a few minutes, so anything else before he appears?"
"Are you going to tell Mr Hobson about the language issue?" panicked Jessica.
"Not now, but I will need to tell him. First, I'm going to have a word with Wendy, but that will probably mean explaining to Tim, their year leader, what's happening. It would be nice if she could help since she doesn't appear to have any stress issues."
"Sorry," sighed Jessica. "I feel I'm letting everyone down."
"Stop saying sorry," Helen almost screamed.
"Sor-", started Jessica and then realised what she was about to say and shut her mouth only to give a nervous giggle when Helen glanced across.
There wasn't time for any other discussions as there was a knock on the door and Susan, who was sitting closest to the door, let Mr Hobson in.
"From a discussion with Stacy, it seems you had a nice trip to Tesco. Sounds like you had a thrilling afternoon," said Mr Hobson, taking the offered seat.
"It might have been less exciting if we'd actually gone into the store," I retorted and got an elbow in my ribs from Helen.
"Were you okay with the extra surprise trip?"
"It was interesting," said Elaine. "It seems that some people had to make some very hard decisions."
"Such as?" Mr Hobson enquired, his face showing genuine interest at what we thought.
"Not being able to tell others about what they did during the war," murmured Martha.
"Coventry incident," added Brian.
"It was a hard time and sometimes people have to make choices they don't like. You are the first year we have done this trip with. Do you think it's worth it?"
"It certainly shows us that others have had to keep secrets, including from their families," I said, just in case any of the others hadn't got the message. From the looks of 'Duh!', I think it hadn't needed to be spelt out.
"Anything else?"
"War is never a pretty thing," sighed Monica, who never really said much, but when she did she was always someone worth listening too. "I lost an Uncle in Vietnam and a Grandparent in World War 2. If things can be done to shorten a war, or prevent it from occurring, then it's a good thing."
I thought Monica had finished, but she wasn't as she took a deep breath and continued, "However, sometimes I think that governments try to keep too much control over people after the event. They keep laws in place, just on the chance that it might occur again. They take away peoples freedoms in the name of security."
There was a stunned silence after Monica's little speech.
"Do you see the school like that," eventually asked Mr Hobson.
"In some ways yes," she replied, shaking a bit. "We've been given a safe place to live, provided with an excellent education and food. Yet for that, we have restrictions placed upon us, not just now while we're in school, but also after we leave school."
"First off, calm down. I'm not going to bite. I can see how Monica, and others, might think that. I think Monica was very brave to say what she did. As I tell everyone when they join Hayfield, I expect you to behave, but never be afraid to ask questions. I expect you to use your brain and understand when a question is appropriate to be asked, at a year level, like now, at a school level, such as before or after a meal, or one-to-one. Monica's point is valid and I think things need to be explained in more detail. I also think it would be polite if I ask Mr Moore to join us, since you are one of his students. Is everyone okay with that?"
There were nods of agreement, and Mr Hobson made a call to ask Mr Moore to join us.
"While we wait for Mr Moore, I just want to let you know that the card shop is now open. For the Hayfield students, the gifts you have purchased are available to wrap when you want between now and December 20th. They will be hand delivered to your family's houses from then till Christmas Eve."
There was a knock on the door. It wasn't an unknown knock, but a knock I'd heard a few times.
"Did you invite Rachel?" I asked Mr Hobson, signalling Susan to stay seated.
"No, but I'm sure Mr Moore asked her and Ellen to come along, just in case they were needed."
I glanced at the others. There were a few shakes of heads, some others shrugged.
"Sorry, but do you think they will be offended if we only allowed Mr Moore in?" I asked Mr Hobson.
"It is your year room," said Mr Hobson. "I don't think anybody has ever been refused entry before, but I don't think it will be an issue. However, if you are refusing them entry, then you must tell them yourself."
"We'll do it as joint year leaders," said Melissa standing up, pulling Aurora up as well.
The four of us went to the door and after taking a deep breath, Helen opened the door and we stepped into the hall. As predicted, there were three people at the door.
I felt a few prods in my back, indicating the others wanted me to do the speaking. "Sorry for the delay," I started, wondering how to say this without upsetting people. "Mr Moore was asked to discuss something. I'm sorry but you Dr Ruiz and Dr Hansen were not invited. I'm only authorised to allow Mr Moore in and no one else for this discussion."
Ellen and Rachel glanced at each other, quite surprised. They'd never been refused access to a year room before.
"Ellen and Rachel, I'm sorry for asking you to come with me. As Jayne said, they have the right to choose who comes into their room. I was rather presumptuous, as I don't know the subject."
I gave an apologetic shrug. Rachel smiled, saying, "Its okay. We were just a bit surprised, as it is the first time someone has ever exercised that right. Jayne, Helen, Melissa and Aurora, if you find you do need us in this chat, don't hesitate to let us know."
"Yes Miss," we chorused. Helen opened the door and we followed Mr Moore into the room.
Mr Hobson filled in Mr Moore on what Monica had said. Mr Moore nodded and said, "Sounds like a reasonable question. It's something which we don't normally get asked by students so young."
"Indeed," agreed Mr Hobson. "So, you're probably all wondering what would happen if you did approach your families after leaving school?"
There were quite a few nods.
"Nothing," he said simply.
"Nothing?" I asked, surprised.
"What could we do?" Mr Hobson asked. "It is a school rule, but you will have left school. There is no national or international law, and therefore you wouldn't be arrested or anything like that."
"So what stops someone doing it then?"
"Personal restraint," explained Mr Moore. "When a student leaves the school, they understand the impact that seeing their family will have. They don't want to cause any possibility that the school would no longer be able to help others. Does that help?"
"I suppose, but what about now? Aren't we restricted now?" thought Monica.
"No more than most students who are at boarding school. The school is responsible for you and most schools would be upset if the students left the school grounds without permission."
"No," disagreed Jessica. "Most other students are allowed to go home at holiday times, such as the summer holidays, Christmas and Easter. Here we aren't."
"Very true," agreed Mr Hobson. "But you were all told that you couldn't go home at holidays before you agreed to join the school, even though one of you did try to run away."
"Never again," muttered Jessica, not wanting others to know what Helen and I knew, that it wasn't a true attempt to leave the school.
"Mr Moore, wouldn't that be, well, like a major breach of security?" Ruth asked.
"Yes," he replied, looking quite surprised. Mr Hobson hadn't told him about Jessica's attempt to run away.
"Like what happened with Gregory?" queried Emma, her mind thinking about what they had been told over the last few days.
"Yes Emma, it would be handled the same way," Mr. Hobson answered rather plainly and unemotionally.
"You mean that Hayfield would-" Jessica started.
"Hayfield Hall would have to be abandoned," Mr Hobson finished.
"What about us?" Sam said, sounding very worried.
"I don't know how long it would take to find another place. It might take a year or more. The US school was very lucky to locate the facility they did, so quickly," replied Mr Hobson. He paused to let it all sink in and then asked, "So, getting back to my original question about Bletchley Park. Do you think it would be worth others visiting there in future years?"
"It might be a good preparation before students are told about never seeing their parents again," thought Paula out loud.
"I suppose for us it was reinforcement and told us that we aren't the only people that have had to keep a secret," said Wesley. "Perhaps it would be good for older years too."
"Thank you for acting as guinea pigs," smiled Mr Hobson. "Are there any other questions?" There was no answer. "Great, we'll see you in twenty minutes for your evening meal. Tomorrow is a special day, so make sure you all have a good sleep."
Mr Moore turned and looked towards Monica and paused for a moment, as if he was trying to decide if he should say something. "Your Uncle Frank died protecting hundreds of people, including my older brother, from an attack on a MASH unit. Your Grandfather, Gerry, died in Pearl Harbour after pulling six people to safety. You should be proud of your family."
"Oh, I am," muttered a stunned Monica. Nobody had ever told her before how her Uncle had died.
As the two head teachers walked out of the year room, we all grabbed our PDA's to look at tomorrows, Tuesday 13th December, schedule. Nothing was there, apart from orchestra practice in the afternoon.
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Synopsis:
Why do events that cause issues always occur?
Story:
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 33
There was still nothing on the schedule when we woke up. I had an idea that Mr Hobson was teasing us, but it wasn't like him to do such a thing. If it had been Brenda, I would have understood.
"I'm sure things will become clearer after breakfast," said Helen. "Now put down your PDA and let's have a snuggle before we go and wear ourselves out with our morning exercise."
Now who was I to refuse an offer like that? Our relationship had grown to one of mutual affection and was much more evenly balanced than when Helen first fancied me two years ago. Then Helen was more the protector. Today, there was nothing really to hide from, or to fear. Well there was, but Helen was generally a good girl and both knew that we would be in serious trouble if our relationship turned sexual. Anyway, besides getting nauseous at any thoughts of having sex, we were far too young.
At first, our morning exercise had seemed a bit of a chore, but as we'd both got fit, it was more fun. Even though we didn't need to go out every morning, if we didn't, we seemed to miss the way it removed the cobwebs from the previous night.
"After Christmas, why don't we start a morning run?" I asked Helen, as we made our way back toward our room.
"Don't you like cycling?" she asked, giving me an enquiring glance.
I smiled inwardly at the way she'd asked the question. It was full of concern and love, with no sign of malice. "Oh sure, but I thought it would be a nice change."
"How about we cycle one day and run the next? Then we get the benefit of both forms of exercise?"
"I suppose that sounds like a fair compromise," I agreed, relieved that she had agreed and she hadn't taken offence. She really had taken to cycling and as we'd got fitter, it was enjoyable.
We weren't the first to our year room, but we weren't far behind. Melissa, Aurora, Ruth and Michelle were waiting outside, looking at a big box outside our room. A big label on it said 'Year One and Year D. Not to be opened till after breakfast'. Nobody had said anything about a box being delivered, which in itself was unusual, but we'd only been at the school five months, so perhaps this was something new that we'd yet to experience.
This was one of the other strange things about the school. The year room was private and even teachers could not enter without permission. Yet our bedrooms weren't as private and things like clothes were being put in everyday. Most places you would think your bedroom was a sanctuary, here at school it was your year room.
"What do you think it is?" asked Melissa, having looked and failing to find any further clue.
"A bomb?" laughed Ruth and got a friendly tap from Michelle.
"So, no hints from our four experts?" asked Aurora, which got some faked blank-looks from the four Beta members, and a rebuke from Melissa.
"I do have an idea," I said reluctantly. I'd had a thought last night before bed, but didn't mention it to Helen just in case I was wrong. I know we are supposed to be fully open with our partners and I know Helen wouldn't really have laughed if I was wrong, but the nagging feeling of opening up too much was still there. I'd thought about mentioning the reluctance to be too open to Rachel, but I'd yet to get the courage. Anyway, I think I should mention it to Helen first. Maybe later.
"Oh?" came five other voices, jarring me from my internal thoughts.
"How many days are there till Christmas?"
"Twelve," they responded, remembering what date today was.
"Oh, isn't that the day that the Christmas decorations go up?" asked Helen, getting excited. I gave a weak smile, glad that I had remembered correctly and also glad that Helen had been paying attention. Perhaps I should have discussed it with her last night. Oh well, to late now.
"Well let's drag this box into the common room, and not say anything to the others. It will be interesting to see how many others work it out," laughed Melissa, her eyes gleaming with excitement.
"Oh, there's Wendy," I said, spying Jessica's older sister with her partner heading towards their year room. "I'll catch you all at breakfast."
"Err, Wendy," I called, rushing along the hall, as she stopped and looked. "Can I have a word?"
"Sure" she said, as I caught up with them. "Oh, how's my little sister doing?"
"A lot better now. We are all having lessons on how to deal with stress."
"That sounds like a good idea. I remember how hard year one was, getting used to a totally different way of learning. So, what can I do for you?"
"I don't know how to ask this," I admitted.
"Jayne, I won't let her bite," said Yvonne, trying to make me relax a bit. I thought about sticking my tongue out at her, but was too nervous to do so.
"Jessica mentioned something last night about us speaking Russian too formally."
"I suppose you do," Wendy admitted, after a moments thought. "Your accent isn't quite right either. I'd not thought of it before, probably because I was so used to hearing non-Russians speaking too formally. It doesn't seem to be something the American, or our Russian teacher, have either noticed or understood. I suppose it doesn't really matter, as there are so many badly speaking foreigners in Russia."
I screwed up my face. That wasn't the response I'd hoped for. "Is year three less formal than the others?"
"I suppose so. When I've been helping others in the year, I have been slipping into the informal way of speaking and that has rubbed off."
"Then the school have a big difference in the way they speak. That might not be noticed internally, but you can sure bet a Russian would. There seems to be only two people who have lived in Russia for a time, you and Jessica. Jessica finds the whole idea of 'teaching' a bit stressful, but has promised to help our year."
"Are you going to mention this?" Wendy asked.
"Do you think I should?" I responded, knowing full well that I would. It was only a few weeks away, but it could be fatal for the alpha team if they had to pose as a native Russian.
"The school likes to get things correct for trips away," sighed Wendy. "You'd better report it, and I will tell Tim. So much for a quiet Christmas."
Yvonne, who had stood quietly, wrapped her arms round her partner. "You have helped me learn to almost your standard. I'll help you."
"Thanks," smiled Wendy and gave Yvonne a quick kiss. Public signs of affection were not normal. Any overt signs of affection were normally kept to the privacy of our rooms, so this was a rare thing to see.
I sent a quick note to Mr Hobson, copying in Stacy: 'Issue with Russian teaching. Seems we are all speaking too formally. Only Jessica and Wendy have noticed due to living in Russia for a time.'
I got a message back from Stacy, "Thanks for copying me. There is a special meeting tonight for you, Helen, Ruth and Michelle."
At breakfast it was plainly obvious to us all, that years two to five knew exactly what was going to happen. There was a buzz of excitement emanating from them that was far too obvious. Helen, Ruth and Michelle and I were managing to keep a straight face, but Aurora and Melissa were having a harder job.
"Melissa, what's going on?" asked Wesley.
"I don't have any definite information," she said, trying to hide her smile.
"You and Aurora know something, and you aren't hiding it very well," said Susan.
"Look, we heard a guess," said Aurora. "We just don't want to spread rumours that might not be true."
"Matilda seems to know something," added Wesley, looking across at year B. "Though it doesn't appear that anybody else in year A, B or C have any idea."
"The Munchkin has probably hacked the computer systems again, or something," laughed Phil.
"It isn't a laughing matter," said Aurora, laughing herself. When she stopped she nodded, "You're probably right, though."
I pulled out my PDA and sent Matilda a message: 'Which computer system did you hack?' I showed Helen who started to choke on her orange juice. I got some enquiring looks from others at the table. I just smiled and sat back to watch Matilda's reaction and let Helen tell the others.
Matilda got the message and had a similar reaction to Helen's, before giving a look that resembled a small child that had just been caught with her hand in the biscuit tin. Perhaps orange juice at breakfast isn't a good thing to have. It gave us all a good laugh and set us up for a day of fun.
"Can I have your attention," said Mr Hobson, over a much noisier group of students than usual. We all quickly calmed down and he continued. "As the mathematicians among you have probably worked out, today is twelve days before Christmas. For our guests that haven't been informed, that is the day that we put up our festive decorations."
A loud cheer erupted from the upper years, which quickly spread to the younger people present. Mr Hobson let it ride for a few minutes and waved his hands when he thought it had gone on long enough. "Having so many more students certainly raises the volume. Now in a few minutes, the hot breakfasts will be served. While you eat, an update will be sent to your PDA's detailing what room or area you will help decorate. In the original part of Hayfield Hall the ceilings are very high, therefore special scaffolding will be given and special safety precautions must take place. If anyone is scared of heights, there is plenty to do at lower levels. Each area will be assigned a leader, whose directions you will follow. Leaders might not be in the top year and they might not be year leaders. So if you are assigned a leaders job, then use that time to learn. Remember, leaders can always ask for advice if they are unsure. Any questions? Then enjoy breakfast."
Some sitting at our table lost their appetite in the excitement, others tucked in with gusto, wanting to be fully fed for today's activities. Not surprisingly, Helen was one who liked to tackle the day on a full stomach and she encouraged me to follow her lead. Everyone had their PDA sitting on the table, ready for any information on what they would be doing. Just as we were finishing, our PDA's all tinged with updates to our schedules. We repositioned ourselves so that the two tables for our age could discuss things together.
"I'm helping in the main hall," said Jill, always quick on the draw.
"I'd hate to have that one, I don't like heights," said Brian. "I'm decorating the classroom corridors."
"I thought all lessons would have stopped," said Anna. "Oh, I'm not with Jill, I'm decorating in here."
"We will still have language lessons and music," I said. "Don't forget there will be some lessons for stress tomorrow morning."
"Seems Wendy and I have a meeting with Mr Hobson after breakfast," sighed Jessica, knowing too well what it was about.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Helen asked.
"Thanks Helen, but I think I'll be okay. Mr Hobson knows not to burden me too much, so I think I'll be okay. I'm then working on decorating the cinema area."
"Snap," interrupted Ruth, signalling she had the same as Jessica.
"I'm to LEAD in bringing in the Christmas tree," said Emma in shock.
"Oh, well done, Emma," congratulated Paula.
"I wouldn't say that. I have Matilda in my group."
"There aren't any computers or security systems involved, are there?" asked Melissa.
"In bringing in and setting up a tree? I hope not."
"Then I don't expect there will be an issue," I assured her. "However, I'd expect fun to be had by all. Also, listen to her, she has great ideas and often sees a bigger picture than others. Don't let her size fool you. If she was as tall as her heart dictated, she would be the tallest person in her year."
"Okay," Emma nodded slowly.
"It seems I'm a leader for putting some decorations up outside," said Monica. "I'm shocked, after what I said yesterday."
"You know that Mr Moore doesn't hold grudges and I don't expect that Mr Hobson does either," said Melissa.
"Yesterday, Mr Hobson said that he thought it was a good question. He seems to be the type of teacher that would be more upset if you didn't ask the question than if you did."
After we'd all finished breakfast I went to the upstairs bedroom corridor to help in decoration. The mysterious school caretakers had positioned boxes of tinsel, streamers, balloons and banners for us. There were also another box of items to help keep things up, such as drawing pins, string and blue-tack. Just as I started to climb one of the provided stepladders, the gentle sound of White Christmas started to come out of our PDA's. The name Matilda flashed through my thoughts.
As I pulled out my PDA, to reset the system, I found out I was in error. "Welcome to Hayfield Hall Radio. My name is Julia and I'm your DJ for the next few hours. Please send any request for festive music of any taste to me and I'll see what I can do. Many thanks must go to a mysterious Munchkin from The Manor, for providing such a great idea."
"Way to go Matilda!" called a young girl, who was blowing up balloons. That caused some laughter from others who were beavering away.
"Are you Matilda's sister?" I asked, spying a walking stick next to her.
"I sure am, though I much prefer Rachel," she replied.
"I'm Jayne," I said, wondering how to introduce myself. "I have advanced lessons with Matilda. You don't kick, do you?"
"No, when people upset me regarding my name, I use my cane," she replied very seriously, while patting its decorative knob. "At first, everyone at The Manor kept referring to me as Matilda's sister. After a while, it started to upset me. Sure, I am Matilda's sister, but there is a lot more to me than that. I'm smart, inventive and I have a charming personality."
Her voice got a bit louder as she finished talking. I think this was something she was very passionate about and I wasn't the first she'd had this speech with.
"I'm sorry," I said humbly, bowing my head. "I sincerely apologise for any upset I may have inadvertently caused."
"Oh don't be silly," she laughed. "It's funny; but the other month we went to Australia and someone asked if Matilda was my little sister. That made me feel better, but poor Matilda, she was mad as anything."
I wandered back to my work, chuckling to myself, thinking how Rachel seemed like a nice person. At first I felt a bit sorry for her, being injured the way she was, but as time went on I started to look beyond that. Sure, she did remind me a bit of Matilda, but there was something different about her. She, like others at our schools, had suffered. Perhaps in other ways she is different from the others, as her suffering still continued and yet she didn't let it stop her.
My thoughts were interrupted, as any good thoughts often are, by someone raising their voice. It wasn't a voice raised in anger or hatred, no this was a voice raised in concern.
"Rachel, if you fall I'm going to be in so much trouble," called a voice from across the hall. I'd seen him with Year E from The Manor, but I'd still to learn all of their names.
"Bob, it doesn't seem fair for me to just stand around and blow up the balloons," she said, her face full of determination. "I don't want everyone else having to do more work to cover for me."
"Rachel, you aren't slacking," responded Bob, lowering his voice as he got closer. "Heck, you seem to be working harder than the rest of us. You have blown up enough balloons to decorate two halls and you did that after untangling that massive pile of tinsel."
"But-"
"How about I hold the ladder?" I suggested. I then crossed my fingers as I lied, "I'm not too keen on heights, so passing items up to Rachel will let me recover a bit."
"Works for me. Is that okay, Bob?" Rachel said sarcastically.
"Carry on, just make sure you do it safely," he said, after a moment's thought.
"Thanks, Jayne," smiled Rachel, as I passed her the end of paper chain.
"Does your leg often stop you doing things?" I enquired.
"No, school is really great about it. Sports would have been an issue in a standard school, but here, things are different."
"Tell me about it. I always hated sports, but here I'm doing the important thing of keeping fit, which I always tried to avoid before. I suppose I used to keep fit keeping away from bullies."
"Yeah, but they always catch you in the end," she sighed. "At The Manor, I've started to learn how to look after myself. I'm taking a self defence class on Saturday mornings, which has continued while we are at Hayfield."
"Did you feel unsafe after what was done to you?"
"Wouldn't you?"
"Yes, I did," I said sadly.
"Oh, sorry, I didn't think."
"Oh don't be silly. Now, where are we putting the next items?"
After a few hours, the upstairs bedroom corridor looked as festive as we could make it. I stood and looked with satisfaction at what we'd managed to achieve. It had been nice for once not to be in charge and learn from others who were.
As we went back to our common room to wait for lunch, we gasped at the sight of the Christmas tree in the entrance lobby. It was situated near the stair and went higher than the already tall ceiling, reaching towards the first floor (Second floor for my new found American friends).
I would have thought there would have been lights on the tree, but it seemed not. There were plenty of baubles, tinsel and a large star at the top, but not a single flashing light.
The way the rest of entrance had been dressed was a marked contrast to the tree. It had been cleverly designed to focus the eye on the main attraction. I eventually saw a very satisfied Emma lurking at the far side, watching our reaction.
"You like?" she asked, as I wandered across to her.
"Yes, but how?"
"How what?"
"How did you do it?"
"Oh I didn't. I asked if anybody had design experience, and someone did. We came up with a plan and here it is."
"But you were the leader?"
"I'm not sure. I just took what you said, and listened to other people's suggestions and organised how we were going to do it. I didn't really do much leading."
"Yeah, right," I thought to myself. "This wouldn't have happened this quickly and well if things weren't led properly."
"How was Matilda? Did she cause issues?"
"Not at all. She is very bright. We had trouble getting the tree stable and she came up with a solution when nobody else could. She is rather shy and hung back till I asked her for her opinion."
"She was a bit like that with the computers. I wonder if she is still learning to work in a team, or trusting people outside her year, or school."
"Could be, but whatever she is, wow. Her size makes her look very young and I almost forgot your warning not to judge her."
Others from the year appeared, having finished their tasks, and the praise again started to be poured onto Emma.
When we were all nicely settled back into our undressed common room, Sam asked Jessica, "How did your meeting go with Mr Hobson?"
"Oh, it was a lot better than I thought. He chatted away and I actually think I forgot he was the headmaster. He wanted to know exactly what was wrong and how much we would stand out."
"And?" I prompted, wanting to know the outcome.
"We gave him some examples and he is going to come up with a plan, which he said he would announce at lunch."
"It's nearly lunch now," muttered Lewis.
"Down boy," laughed Ruth. "It's not quite time yet."
"While we wait, why don't we have a look to see what decorations we have? Then we can think what we can do with them," I suggested.
All the boxes were dragged out and the contents dumped in the middle of the room. They were all good quality, new decorations. There was a note at the bottom of the box:
Take good care of your decorations. These are yours for the next few years and will move with you as you go through school.
There were the usual decorations, but Emma, who must have really got into tree decorating suddenly asked, "Can we get a small tree that we can decorate and put in the corner? It wouldn't be the same without a tree in the lounge, and this is about as close to a lounge as we will have while here."
I looked across at the other three year leaders, and after a few shrugs and nods, sent a message to Mr Hobson. We got no response before it was time for lunch.
"Can I have your attention," said Mr Hobson, standing up before the lunch was served. It is a good job we were all pretty obedient as we could all make quite a noise, especially when Lewis's stomach was rumbling. "Thanks to the excellent observations of Wendy and Jessica, it has been discovered that our Russian is too formal. Since we are there for just a short time and want to appear as tourists, it isn't a bad thing. However, it would help to better understand how the locals speak, so that in an emergency they can make themselves understood better. So I'm asking for two people from each year, and each school, to attend a few extra classes. Please could the relevant people please let me know who will be attending."
There was a slight murmur, which Mr Hobson let ride, before continuing, "Next, I have walked all over the school and am very impressed with the fantastic effort everybody made. However, that was not a very good place to put the sleigh and reindeer without proper equipment, but it certainly looks impressive."
That started more murmurs about what was going on and many of us decided to have a good look outside after the meal. "Lastly," continued Mr Hobson, "we have had a request of a small artificial tree in a year lounge, to make it feel more like home. What I want to know is why nobody has ever asked before, or why I never thought of it myself before? So year-one and D have had their request approved and if any other years would like one, the year leaders know where to send the request."
Since we were split over two tables, there wasn't any possibility of us discussing who would volunteer for the languages. Jessica was already very fluent, but as a beta person, I wanted to make sure that if needed, I could blend.
After a very quick lunch, we all rushed outside to see what Mr Hobson meant by improper positioning of the sleigh and reindeer. At first I couldn't see them. It was Wesley that suddenly shouted, "Look at the roof!"
We all looked up and there was the sleigh as if it had parked on the rooftop. I'm not sure who did it, or how they did it, but they had done a brilliant job. No wonder Mr Hobson had been upset, as there wasn't any proper lifting equipment on site to get everything up there. Monica was nowhere in sight.
* * *
That night, we were again escorted by Brenda to the beta meeting. Since it was after our curfew, we had to make sure that we weren't spotted by anybody from the top two years, as their curfews were two hours later. I thought it was just going to be the four of us from our year, which is what Stacy had earlier implied. However, we stopped on the way to get Fran and Ingrid before making our way stealthily to the hidden basement room.
"Sorry about the short notice for this meeting," said Stacy. "Initially this was just going to be for Jayne, Helen, Ruth and Michelle, to tell them the results of a competition they had in Milton Keynes the other day. However, Kriss has an update for the forthcoming trip, which you should all be aware of."
Kriss rolled out a map of Moscow. "It seems that the area where the documents are stored before getting put onto the computer has been getting full. So they have split their document storage now across two buildings, some kilometres apart. The Alpha team from The Manor will visit the building we'd already targeted. Hayfield's Alpha team will go to the new storage facility."
"Isn't what we want going to be on computers?" I enquired.
"We hope so," said Stacy. "However, there is a lot of backlog, hence why physical document storage is currently overflowing. I'll put out a new map on the other desk, so everyone can examine the areas again in more detail."
It was approaching eleven when the phone on the far wall started to ring. That was something that nobody expected and a few of us jolted up from our studying to see what was going on. Stacy calmly went to the phone and after taking a deep breath, picked it up. There is one annoying thing with listening to people on phones; you only hear one side of the conversation.
"Hi. Oh hi ... yes they're here ... okay, we'll be there in a few minutes."
We had all stopped studying the maps as we waited to see what Stacy would say. By the look on her face, she looked rather upset.
"Listen up everyone, there has been a bit of a development. Wendy and Jessica's Dad has just been involved in a car crash. Please continue and Brenda will ensure everything is secure when you leave. Jayne and Helen, can you please come with me? There are a few things that need to be sorted."
Notes:
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Synopsis:
Christmas is rapidly approaching, but it isn't happy times in the Barnes house. How will the school react to Jessica's and Wendy's Dad's car crash?
Story:
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
In total silence, Helen and I followed Stacy into the main part of the school. I still found it eerie, wandering down a dimly lit corridor. Stacy suddenly stopped and signalled Helen and I to retreat slightly into the shadows. The corridor lights to certain parts of the school were dimmed during the night, as they were generally not needed. They weren't switched off totally, to make any potential evacuation during the night safer.
"Hi Stacy," came a male voice. "Checking up on the decorations in the theatre?"
"Oh, hi Ryan. I'm just making sure all was okay, just in case we have a film later in the week. We wouldn't want a repeat of mistletoe hanging down in front of the projector again."
Ryan gave a loud laugh as he obviously remembered whatever Stacy was referring. "No wonder Brenda has been given other duties the last few years; though she certainly corrupted Monica this year."
"Don't worry; it won't go without me mentioning it. Damn, I think I missed a light. See you later."
"I'm off to bed, see you tomorrow."
"Sleep well." Stacy turned round towards us.
After a minute, Stacy beckoned us to continue and we made it safely to Mr Hobson's office. He was waiting for us and ushered us to the settee.
"Sorry for interrupting you all," started Mr Hobson, stopping when there was a knock on the door.
"Do you recognise that one?" Mr Hobson asked, glancing at me.
"Julia," I replied confidently.
"Come in Julia," Mr Hobson almost shouted, showing great faith in my abilities.
"Er, you asked me to get here quickly," puffed Julia, glancing at the three of us. "Would it be best that I wait outside?"
"No, this concerns you. After we have finished, I want you to go and see Dr Ruiz."
Julia just nodded as she took one of the single seat chairs. Obviously, something that was going to be upsetting to Julia was going to be discussed. Julia realised that, as she sat rather stiffly, bracing herself for the worst.
"At just before ten past ten this evening, there was a car crash involving Mr Barnes, Wendy and Jessica's father. We got a phone call, which I have verified to be true, on the emergency contact number about fifteen minutes ago from Mrs Barnes. Mr Barnes is in Cumberland Infirmary and he is unlikely to live. I've asked for Dr Dine to come in and she will be here in about twenty minutes."
I couldn't imagine how this fitted in with Julia. It didn't seem that Helen could either, as she looked as puzzled as I felt. Stacy on the other hand hid her puzzlement quite well, but her finely shaped eyebrows appeared slightly flatter as if she was trying to work out the connection.
"The same MO?" queried Julia, her voice sounding very peculiar. Julia obviously understood the connection.
"Close enough to be an almost duplicate. It seems Mr Barnes was lucky that it didn't cause a crash with any other vehicle."
"They must be stopped," muttered Julia, shaking with a mixture of rage and upset.
"Oh they will be stopped, you can be certain of that. I thought it was best you heard it from me, rather than on the grapevine in the morning," said Mr Hobson, putting his hand over Julia's hand. "I'm also going to have to explain all this to Stacy, Helen, and Jayne."
"I know," said Julia, obviously finding hard to keep her tears in check.
"Ms Toms, why don't I take you to see Rachel?" I offered, standing up.
"I'll be along to sit with you in about an hour," said Mr Hobson, opening the door.
There was no need for me to accompany Julia any further than Mr Hobson's door, as Rachel was already waiting there. Rachel gave me a small smile of thanks and put her arm round Julia to offer her physical and mental support during their journey to her office.
When the door to Mr Hobson's office was closed and I was seated, Mr Hobson continued, "After we've had this small meeting, Tim and Dr Dine will be joining us to discuss what has happened and plan on giving Wendy and Jessica the support that they will need. Before that, I need to discuss items related to the crash that killed Jill's mother. Do you all know about it?"
Helen and I nodded our heads, having heard the story twice. Stacy however wasn't aware of the facts.
"I won't give you the whole story about how Bill became Jill, which isn't important at the moment," said Mr Hobson. "However, Jill's sister, Beth, and mother were in their car when it was hit by another car. The driver of the car that hit them was above the legal alcohol limit. Jill's mother died and Beth was seriously injured, and for a short period was in a coma."
"Besides both being car accidents, what has this to do with the Mr Barnes?" Helen enquired.
"When Julia joined the school, the IT systems were good, but they weren't exceptional. She started upgrading the security and closed numerous loopholes. She received a note that if she continued at the school, there would be repercussions. She was stabbed, which we don't think was to do with that note and then there was the accident. So not to worry her, Jill was never told that there was a third car involved, which actually forced the other car into Mrs Toms. Beth still hasn't regained her memory of the accident."
"Did they mean to kill?" I asked shocked.
"I don't know. Since the driver of the other car was drunk, it probably added a degree of uncertainty into it all. Tonight, a car forced Mr Barnes off the road in a very similar manner. It seems that they don't want Jessica and Wendy helping with the Russian language issues and the trip."
Stacy, who had been very quiet, suddenly spoke up, "That is just conjecture. You have no proof."
"True," agreed Mr Hobson. "I only can go off a hunch and a nasty feeling about it all. For months now little things have happened, like the leak in France, and the leak to MI6. No, somebody is trying to disrupt our trip to Russia. Till we get proof that it isn't linked, I have to assume the worst."
"So what happens to Jessica and Wendy?" I asked.
"Something very risky," shuddered Stacy. "If their Dad is dying, then they have to go home for a small break. It wouldn't be fair on them not to."
"But isn't that a risk to the school?" Helen thought aloud.
"Oh yes, but what else can we do?" said Mr Hobson. "If they went home in male mode it might help, but that would be very hard on both children. This is something that we need to discuss in a minute, first with Dr Dine and Tim, then with Jessica and Wendy. Just remember that the leak, and information about Julia, must stay secret."
Mr Hobson got three 'we aren't stupid' looks, which he just laughed away. Mr Hobson was often very formal, but when you sat with him privately, he was almost approachable. It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door and Mr Hobson let in Tim, the year three leader.
"I'm sorry for disturbing your sleep," apologised Mr Hobson, steering him towards the settee.
"Since Helen and Jayne are here, is this something to do with Wendy and Jessica?" said Tim, stifling a yawn.
Before Mr Hobson could answer, there was another knock and Dr Tracy Dine joined us in the room.
"Sorry for disturbing you all, but a situation has developed which I need to discuss with all of you. Tonight, we received a telephone call from Mrs Barnes on the school emergency number. Mr Barnes has been involved in a road traffic accident and is seriously ill, possibly terminal, in hospital. I want your thoughts on how Wendy and Jessica will react to being told the news and a protocol for them going home to be with their family."
"Going home for good?" Helen asked.
"No, just till they are ready to return to school."
"Wendy will be very upset," said Tim. "She was very close to both her parents before coming here."
"Jessica won't be as upset, unless she opens the letter her Dad sent her a few months ago. If she does then she will be absolutely distraught," I added.
"How do you know what's in the letter?" asked Tim.
"Because we overheard Mr and Mrs Barnes talking about it while we were at Disney. We sat next to them during the parade. Basically, in the letter he is apologising for the way he didn't support him, and asks for forgiveness."
The ringing of Mr Hobson's PDA interrupted our discussion. He wasn't on it for long and mostly just said 'yes' and 'okay'.
"Well that was information from the hospital. Mr Barnes is still in theatre and the surgeons are battling to save his life. The chances of him surviving such injuries are very remote and it would be best if we tell Wendy and Jessica as soon as possible. The last question to you both, do you think it is mentally possible for them to go as male?"
Tracy didn't hesitate in saying, "Wendy is happier being female, but she is used to presenting as male when needed, without issue. As long as she knows she will be back female, then she should be okay. Jessica is a different matter. She has only been dressed as male once since her attempted suicide, and that was at the mix-up Monday the other day. How Jessica will take it is very difficult to tell. It was very hard to get her to try to be Richard again, even though she knew it was just for the day. I'm not sure how well she will take being Richard if it is for several days."
"Would Jessica be well enough to go home if she went as Jessica?" asked Mr Hobson. "Would it be better if she read the letter first?"
"The letter could be raised by Mrs Barnes and might become a big issue while home," surmised Tracy. "It might be better if the letter was read here and then could be dealt with in a safe environment."
"Is there time for that?" I queried. "If her Dad is seriously ill in hospital, possibly dying, is there time for the letter issue to be sorted?"
There were many sighs and looks of concern on most of the faces present. Having a student in an uncontrolled situation was not something that anybody involved with the school wanted.
"Has anybody else got any comments before I come to a decision?" asked Mr Hobson.
When nobody spoke, Mr Hobson continued, "After we finish this meeting, the relevant year heads will go and wake the affected student and partner to break the news. Tim, you probably will find you need some special help from Andrew. If Jessica still hasn't read the letter, then don't mention it. A small suitcase for them and their study partner will be put together and then they should be off to Carlisle. Tracy, when you arrive at their parent's house, please inform Mrs Barnes that the letter has not been read, and it might be best for it not to be mentioned."
"What gender do they go as?" Helen asked.
"That is up to them. They are the ones who know how they feel and how they will be able to cope. Whatever choices they make, I will agree with. If either chose female, we will deal with it. I'm not going to allow a student to be potentially suicidal because it would be inconvenient to the rest of the school. There will be a vehicle waiting outside in an hour. Now snap to it."
As we filed out, Stacy told us, "I'm here for the year heads if they need to unburden themselves. I'm sure the next week isn't going to be easy."
As we approached the bedrooms, Helen asked, "Are they in the same room as each other?"
I thought about checking the computer system, and considered if it would be appropriate to bypass the security system to check. I quickly decided it wouldn't, as Tim and Andrea, sorry Andrew, didn't have that luxury.
"There is enough going on without me having to write a report to Julia," I answered. "Why don't I knock on Jessica's door, and you knock on Sam's. We enter after a few seconds and if they aren't there go through the adjoining door."
Helen scurried off to Sam's door and on her nod, we both knocked. There was no answer so I entered after a few seconds. The room was dark, so I pressed a switch, which I knew turned on a small lamp by the bedroom settees. It was helpful that all the rooms were set up the same. The bed was empty, so I quickly made my way to the interconnecting door. I was just about to open the door when it flew open and hit me in my face.
"Be careful," I snapped, rubbing my face.
"Sorry," said Jessica, rushing to her wardrobe for a dressing gown.
"How much has Helen said?" I asked.
"Nothing yet. As soon as she came in, I ran in here," she said, embarrassed to be seen in nightwear.
I entered Sam's room and found Sam still hidden under the duvet.
"Look, why don't Jayne and I come back in few minutes," Helen said.
"What are you doing here, anyway?" asked Jessica, coming back into Sam's room.
"We need to discuss something urgent with you both. Since Sam seems to be very embarrassed, we will go into Jessica's room. When Sam is ready, give us a shout and we can discuss what we need to."
"How is your face?" Helen asked, as we closed the interconnecting door behind us.
"Sore," I said, giving it another rub. "My nose hurts the worst."
I noticed an unopened letter on the side and went to examine it. It was stamped Carlisle and dated just after our trip to France. I grabbed it and put it in one of my jeans pocket. I was so glad I'd not worn a skirt as Helen had wanted me to.
"It looks a bit red. I think you should go see the nurse to make sure nothing is broken."
"In the morning," I sighed. "After all this is finished, I think all I'll want to do is go to sleep. Anyway, the nurse will be fast asleep, and I don't want to wake her for something not life threatening."
"There is always at least one nurse on duty in the school hospital," retorted Helen.
I didn't have chance to say anything because there was a knock on the door. "I'll open it," Helen called out to stop Jessica opening the door, as she didn't want a sore face too.
"How's your face?" asked Jessica as we walked back into Sam's room. Sam now had a dressing gown on and looked a lot less embarrassed.
"I'll survive. Why don't you two settle down on the settee, and Helen and I will perch on the end of the bed?"
"What's going on?" asked Sam, sitting down with Jessica.
"Mrs Barnes has rung the emergency number because Mr Barnes is very ill after being involved in a car crash," I started.
"Will he be okay?" asked Sam. Jessica was too shocked to say anything.
"The doctors are doing all they can," said Helen. "However, Mr Hobson thought that it would be a good idea for Jessica to go, and you Sam, to go along as comfort."
"I don't want to go," Jessica spoke for the first time since the revelation.
I glanced at Helen who also looked shocked. Her Dad was in hospital, seriously ill and she didn't want to go?
"Why should I go?" continued Jessica, as she saw our surprised faces through her teary eyes. "My Dad always treated me like shit. Here, I'm away from all that, and now you want me to go back for good!"
"Jessica," I started. I thought this needed to be done with a more personal touch. I went across and knelt in front of her. "Your Dad is so ill he could die. If you don't see him now, you might never have the chance to sort things out. My mother is still riddled with guilt because she feels she didn't help her brother enough and that was seventeen years ago. I don't want that same guilt eating you up."
We stayed there for what appeared to be ages, though was probably about a minute. Sam's arms were wrapped around Jessica. Nobody spoke as only Jessica could make the decision.
"How long will we be gone?". I breathed a sigh of relief. I was tempted to get Jessica to read the letter, but thought now wasn't the time. She might refuse and again rebel against going, or if she did read it, be hours before she was able to travel. If Mr Barnes was as ill as Mr Hobson had implied, then Jessica and Wendy needed to get there as quick as possible.
"As long as you need to," said Helen joining me. "Tim has gone to tell Wendy. Tracy will be going with you. The car will be out front in about forty minutes."
"How should we go?" asked Jessica, trying not to cry.
"Sorry?"
"Should I go as Richard?" she almost shouted in frustration.
"Oh, that is up to you. It is the first time that someone has ever rung the emergency number, so everything is up in the air. What is most important is being there for your Dad. The school will deal with any repercussions. It might be best if Sam goes as the same gender you do, so you can share the same room. Sleeping bags will be provided. Why don't we go to Jessica's room while you discuss it between yourselves? We need to inform people, so plans can be put into place."
"I'll be okay to go as a girl or boy," said Sam.
Jessica took a deep breath and bit her upper lip. "I'll go as Richard."
"Are you sure?" I asked, surprised at the choice Jessica had chosen.
"Yes. Mum will be in enough of a shock without me turning up as Jessica."
"Okay, I will inform everyone. Do you need your hair sorted? Stacy and Brenda are still awake and either of them could do it."
"Do you think they could make it look more masculine without taking too much off the length?"
"I'll have a word with them," I said, rising. "Sam, as per before, can you keep a close eye on Jessica?"
"I didn't plan to leave Jessica's side," smiled Sam, "but it's nice you had the same thought."
"I'm not planning on committing suicide," complained Jessica.
"You probably aren't, but this is all very stressful and we just want to make sure you're fine. I'll let you know who will sort out your hair. We'll see you in the entrance."
We left the room and paused outside to send the required messages. I sent Stacy a message, asking about Jessica's hair. She quickly responded that it would be dealt with. Helen sent one to Mr Hobson, informing him that Richard would be going.
As we made our way out of the sleeping area, we met Kevin and Stuart (Susan), coming towards us. "Isn't it past your curfew? Is there a problem?" asked Stuart, full of concern.
This was one of the things I loved about this school. The students cared about each other. Stuart wasn't telling me off for being out after curfew, but worried about what might be wrong.
"Hi, yes there is an issue, but it's being dealt with. I'm sure it will be announced at breakfast, but Jessica and Wendy's Dad has been involved in a car crash and Tracy is going to take them home for a few days. Jessica has opted to go home in male mode, so not to cause issues. I presume Wendy will do the same."
"We'll keep it quiet," said Stuart. "Is there anything we can do to help?"
"I think everything is sorted now, but thanks for asking," smiled Helen, pleased they had asked.
"No it isn't," I suddenly blurted, remembering something I'd forgotten. "I need to sort out the travel PDA's."
"Well you know how to find us if you need to," said Kevin, before moving off towards their bedroom.
The travel PDA's were stored in Julia's office. I tried the door, but found it was locked. A quick look at my PDA and I saw that Julia was with Rachel, and Mr Hobson was with them. I didn't want to disturb them.
"Sorry, but it isn't a traditional key system, and not something I've come across," apologised Helen.
"No, it doesn't appear to be linked to the main computer systems, either. There is one person who could get us in there, but I dread to ask."
"Who?"
"Matilda," I whispered, almost afraid to mention her name. "She seemed to pass through security areas as if they didn't exist, so actually giving permission to bypass a security system might result in serious repercussions."
"It wouldn't be right to disturb Julia's discussion with Rachel," Helen said, putting her arm round mine. "Do what you feel is right. I'll support you."
I picked up my PDA to make the call, hoping Matilda wouldn't be too upset, and wouldn't tell anybody. However, just before I hit the call button, a message arrived.
"Don't worry about the travel PDA's; five were given to Tracy for you to issue. Also, don't get upset if suitcases appear in your room and Helen's. I still think there may be trouble and I might need your observant eye."
I showed the message to Helen who seemed to smile with relief. She didn't like the idea of us getting into trouble. Once again, we seemed to have slipped from trouble's evil grasp. I wonder if there was a sensor on Julia's door and that was why we got the message.
When we got to the entrance hall, Tracy was waiting with the travel PDA's. "You didn't force Jessica to go as male, did you?" she instantly enquired.
"Of course not," Helen said indignantly. "Jessica made up her own mind."
"That should make life easier. Wendy is also going as male."
It didn't seem long before four sombre children were climbing into the car. Their normal PDA's had been left in their rooms, as I had signed them onto their travel versions. Tim and Andrew stood with us as we said goodbye.
"If you need anything, just ask." Mr Hobson's voice made me jump. I'd thought he was still with Rachel and Julia, and hadn't heard him approach.
"Yes, sir," came the muted response.
The car disappeared down the drive, and all of a sudden, I felt the chill of the freezing winter night air.
"Off to bed," ordered Mr Hobson, gently steering us back inside. "I think you all have handled the situation very well. Tomorrow is going to be hard for the year leaders, so get as much sleep as you can. I will tell Stuart and Ingrid first thing in the morning, so they can be prepared."
I've never been so glad to see my own bed. It wasn't until Tracy had set off with her four male students that I started to feel tired. I've no idea how it suddenly changed, but one minute I was alert and logging people into their travel PDA and seeing them off, and then it was like a cloud of fog descended onto my brain. Neither of us undressed, but fell asleep on top of my bed.
Our PDA's, always the most trusty of school-supplied equipment, did their duty, and woke us up far too early for my liking. This morning of all mornings, when all I wanted was to sleep, I wished mine would break. Eleven days until Christmas, and four of the school pupils weren't here with their school family. I hoped they would be back in time to celebrate with the rest of us.
"I think we need to tell everyone in our year before any announcement at breakfast," Helen thought aloud.
"Yes, you are probably right. They will wonder where Jessica and Sam are. Why don't you send a message telling them of a small meeting fifteen minutes before breakfast?"
With the message gone, and after invigorating showers, we discussed what we were going to say, and the likely responses. I just hope that fifteen minutes would be enough.
Helen and I got to our year common room in good time, but we were still the last there, even though it was forty-five minutes to breakfast. I glanced at Ruth and Michelle to see if there was any sign they had told anybody. A minor shake of Ruth's head told me they had kept quiet.
"Everyone seems to be in good time," Helen said soberly.
"Jessica and Sam aren't here yet," mentioned Melissa.
"Yes, we know," I said. "Late last night, Jessica's Dad was involved in a car crash and is very ill. Therefore, Jessica and Wendy have gone home. Their study partners have gone with them to provide help where they can. Tracy has also gone."
"Was Jessica okay?" asked Paula.
"She was very upset when we told her," I answered. "However, I'm sure that Sam, Yvonne and Tracy will look after them both."
"Did Jessica go, or Richard?" asked Emma, after a moment's reflection.
"Richard, and that was Jessica's decision. Sam has also gone looking male."
"Poor Jessica. That must be very hard for her," said Emma. "I'm not sure if I would be able to."
"Jessica decided to go as Richard so not to confuse her parents. Mr Hobson said he would support any decision."
"What about protecting the school?" queried Brian. "Wouldn't that put the school at risk?"
"It is one of the decisions that I'm glad I didn't have to make," Helen admitted. "What if Jessica couldn't bear going back as Richard, and had been forced, and then while there committed suicide? How would you feel then?"
"How often has someone had to go home like this?" asked Melissa.
"This is the first time it has happened. What about at The Manor?"
"No, nothing like this has happened since the school was moved. Trying to get any information about what happened before that is very hard, but nothing has ever been mentioned."
"Jessica and Sam are coming back, aren't they?" asked Jill.
"Yes, they will be back as soon as they can. It all depends on how Mr Barnes does."
"Anna, nobody's going to bite," I said, seeing her fidgeting and biting her bottom lip, like she did when she was nervous about asking something. "I would rather you ask the question than worry later. We are all here for each other."
"I'm just nervous that people will think I'm selfish or self centred," she replied.
"Just ask," sighed Jill. "I think I know the question, and probably half the room is thinking the same thing."
"Hey, you don't have to be so sharp about it," complained Anna, rather hurt.
Jill didn't apologise, but just looked at her partner to encourage her to ask.
"Okay, since Jessica has had the opportunity to go and see her family, does that mean we might be able to see our family after we've finished school?"
"Did anybody else think that question?" Helen queried.
There were some nods and raised hands, indicating that a good deal of us had thought that question. Helen and I both indicated that the idea of seeing our families again had gone through our minds.
"I've no idea," I answered honestly. "Jessica hasn't been living as female for too long, and Wendy, though starting to grow as female, can hide things. However, it is a big risk to the school and everyone here. Jessica and Wendy both know what a risk the school is taking. I'm sure Mr Hobson and others will review things when everyone is back at school. If I don't hear anything about a review after the Russia trip, then I will ask for one. Is everyone okay with that?"
"Are they contactable?" asked Brian.
"Yes, they all have travel PDA's with them, though I wouldn't ring them, as they might be at the hospital. Perhaps send them a text message or something like that. If anybody else has a question and they are frightened about asking in front of everyone else, then see one of us, or one of the psychiatrists."
"One thing before Lewis drags us all to breakfast," said Emma, trying to laugh. Neither of us felt happy today. "Tracy is my psychiatrist. Who should I see if I have any issues that I need to discuss?"
Psychiatrist isn't really the correct word to describe the five people that we shared our school life with. Yes, they were all fully qualified psychiatrists, and each had a vast experience with their qualification. However, at this school they were a lot more. In some respects they were like surrogate parents, someone that kept an eye on us, encouraged us, were there when something went wrong and someone who always offered a shoulder for us to cry on, or might at the end of the day, tell us off if we did something naughty. Yet they weren't an actual parent. Mine were over a hundred miles away. I wonder if this is how adopted children think?
"As always, if you can't see your psychiatrist, then see one of the others. Tracy will be gone for a while, so why don't you have a word with one of the other psychiatrists, see if they can adopt you till she is back?"
This bought a small knowing smile to a few faces. Perhaps others thought of it the same way.
Breakfast is when things began to hit home. There were two empty seats at the year one and year three tables. These voids didn't go unnoticed and the rumours start flying about what was going on. Fortunately, these rumours didn't get time to fester as Mr Hobson stood up to explain. The only times I'd ever heard such silence at a meal was when Jessica had attempted suicide and when Dumbledore shouted for quiet in the Harry Potter movies.
Just as we were finishing our breakfast, my PDA warbled as if it was receiving a phone call. This wasn't unusual during the day, but during breakfast, it wasn't expected. I pulled out my PDA and smiled to see Sam named as the caller.
"Hi Sam." All the others at our table stopped their own conversations to hear what was being said.
"Give Sam and Jessica our love," called Emma.
"Everyone here says hi. So, what's happening?"
I listened while Sam told me the news. The others on the table were eager to know what was happening and looked quite frustrated, as all they could hear were my acknowledgements.
When the call finished, I was inundated with questions about how they were, how Mr Barnes was, what was happening and did they know when they would be back.
"Wow, calm down. Look, we are on several tables, so I'll tell everyone after breakfast in the comfort of our year room. Let me just inform Mr Hobson and Stacy with a summary."
It only seemed a few seconds after sending the message that Mr Hobson rose. As people gradually noticed, the noise of the room diminished enough for him to speak, "Sorry to disturb the end of your breakfast. Jayne has an update for everyone regarding Wendy, Jessica, Yvonne, and Sam."
My heart sank. I wasn't used to being in the limelight, but yet again, I was being thrust into it. Years of staying hidden hadn't prepared me for this. Why couldn't Yvonne have rung Tim? I noticed that all the eyes of the school were aimed at me, waiting for me to rise and update them. I stood; my heart beating like an express train and my legs felt like jelly. I grabbed hold of the table to steady myself and gathered my thoughts.
"Sam just rang. After a long, mostly sleepless journey, they have arrived at the Barnes house. Sam rang from the hospital where they have just been to see Mr Barnes. He is very ill and the next few hours are critical. Mrs Barnes was quite surprised to see Sam and Yvonne, but Tracy's explanation that it was a school thing, that they always travelled their closest school friend as support, seems to have been accepted. The chances of Mr Barnes surviving are currently about 30%, but it seems he has always been strong, so there is hope."
There was nothing more to say, so I sat down. There had been total silence while I spoke and it took a little time before the room reverberated again with lots of small conversations.
"Are you okay?" asked Helen. She must have noticed how nervous I was.
"My legs felt like jelly, that's why I had to grab the table. There is one good thing; I don't have to tell the same thing several times."
"Like Jelly?" puzzled Martha.
"Ah, this is one of those English verses British English things," smiled Erika. "What the British call jelly we call jello. We would have said 'my legs felt like jello'."
"Ah, okay," Martha and most of the other Americans sat at my table nodded.
The day was full of Russian lessons and music practice. With the concert looming, we needed to make sure we were perfect. The best news came just before our evening meal, this time via Yvonne. Mr Barnes was out of danger, and our friends would come back to the school late tomorrow. Tim seemed to be more confident in speaking in front of others as he relayed the announcement before we got the food.
"Do you think Mr Hobson was wrong in that Jessica's Dad's accident was deliberate?" Helen later asked me as we snuggled up in bed.
"I'm not sure. If Jessica and Wendy are coming home tomorrow then there will be chance for them to help us with perfecting our Russian. However, if something happens to delay them, then I would have to say that Mr Hobson was correct."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 35
Sleep. Oh, I was so eager for sleep. I hadn't had enough the previous night and I was so glad to get to bed. If there was a plan to disrupt the trip to Russia, it was having quite an effect on the entire school. Oh, the daily actives continued, but there wasn't the same enthusiasm. The younger years at The Manor seemed to be the least disrupted, probably because they knew a lot less of the school goings on. The only ones that seemed to understand in the younger years were Matilda and Mary Beth.
It seemed strange, but I woke up before the alarm. I looked over at the time; the alarm would go off in five minutes.
"Morning darling," murmured Helen.
"Morning," I responded, giving a little stretch. I turned over to see her smiling face. "How long have you been awake?"
"Only a few minutes. You looked so peaceful as you slept."
"Er, thanks, I think."
Helen gave a little giggle and moved closer to me. When I saw the look in her eyes I leaned across, gave her a kiss and jumped out of bed.
"Why?" she said, sounding hurt.
"Because things are hard enough at the moment, without us getting into trouble."
"Mmm, yes, things are getting hard, aren't they?"
"Go and have a shower like I'm going to," I pleaded, giving her a sad look.
"Together?"
I sighed. "Is this like how you felt in Paris and when I came back from Scotland?"
"I suppose," she eventually responded.
"I don't want us to get into trouble like last time. Now go into your bathroom and have a shower. I'll see you when we are both ready for the day."
I watched heartbroken as Helen walked to her bedroom, her shoulders slumped. As she said, "I'll see you in a few," she sounded like she was holding back the tears. I wanted to rush up to her and hug her, but was worried where that would lead. Feeling rather dejected myself, I made my way to take care of my morning duties.
As I showered, I discovered it was the best place to have a think and a bit of a cry. With the water running and the doors closed, nobody can hear you. I'd have to remember this next time I'm upset.
When we were both dressed, Helen had joined me in my room. "I'm sorry, I've been letting my hormones get the better of me again," she sniffled. "I don't know why I get like that when something exciting has happened."
"Don't worry about it. Nothing happened, and we won't get into trouble."
"Yes, but you get sick if things go too far."
"If they go too far for me," I agreed. "However, we are both too young for things to get like that. When we're sixteen it will be legal and we can see how we feel then, though it will still be against the school rules."
It was early morning, actually during our Russian lesson, that my PDA began to warble. Nobody ever rang anybody during lessons, so there wasn't any reason to put them into silent mode. It made me very uncomfortable when thirty pairs of eyes stared at me. I didn't know what to do, as this was the first time this had ever happened, so I just sat there frozen in place.
"Jayne, why don't you take it outside so you don't disturb anybody," offered our teacher, with a slight frown.
"Thanks." I made a mad dash for the door, with the sound of a few giggles ringing in my ears.
With the door safely shut, the PDA stopped ringing. I looked at the PDA and smiled at the name shown on the missed call list. I quickly rang back. "Hi, how's it going?"
"Hi Jayne, I just thought I would give you an update, but then remembered that you would be in lessons. Sorry if I've got you into trouble."
"Nobody is in trouble," I quickly reassured, hoping that I wasn't, in fact, in trouble. "So, how are things going?"
"Dad woke up late last night. This morning he is a lot more himself. The doctors are really pleased with how he's doing. It seems that the accident he was in was really bad, and Dad must be a real fighter to pull through so well."
"And?" I encouraged her to tell me the real news. Her voice was too excited to be just a plain update. Gone was the Richard voice, and it sounded just like Jessica. Had Jessica developed so much that Richard had to be forced and Jessica was the primary person?
"Dad and I had a talk this morning. He said he was sorry for the way he'd behaved last year. He talked so much it really wore him out, but he was determined to do it. He then said that it was all in the letter he sent me months ago. Could you go to my room and read the letter out to me? It is on the side."
"No it isn't," I confessed. "Tracy has it. I thought it was best she had the letter, just in case it was needed."
"Oh, thanks," she said, genuinely happy.
"Are you still coming back later?"
"Yes, we'll be back tonight."
"Jessica, remember, you need to be Richard."
There was silence for a moment and Richard's voice said, "Thanks, it's surprisingly hard not to slip back to how I now normally speak. We'll see you this evening."
I tried to sneak back into the room so not to disturb the lesson, but as soon as I opened the door everyone turned round to look at me.
"Why don't we have a five minute break," said the teacher.
"I don't want to disturb the lesson," I apologised.
"Mr Hobson warned all the teachers that it might happen and rather went on a bit, so it will be a good time for me to run to the toilet."
When the teacher went out, I was inundated with a stream of questions.
"Wow, where is your discipline?" asked Helen above the noise. "Jayne can only tell us when we're quiet and we don't have much time"
The room fell silent as I updated everyone. Afterwards there was a stream of questions to which I didn't know the answers.
"Look, you're going to have to ask Jessica yourself. The plan is that they set off around lunch time and should be here about five, depending how many stops they make and how bad traffic is."
The teacher returned and the lesson returned to normal. We all wanted to make sure our Russian was ready for our trip.
After our Russian lesson, Stacy approached Helen and I and asked how we were coping with the situation.
"We're doing fine," Helen smiled.
"What happened?" asked Stacy immediately, grabbing Helen's arm and dragging her into the nearest empty room. I hadn't had chance to say anything, but meekly followed.
"What do you mean?"
"Helen, your face didn't show you were fine. In fact, it showed something was very wrong. I can't help you if you can't be honest with me."
"We're fine," insisted Helen.
"Remember how we got into trouble after my trip to Scotland?" I added to Helens dismay. She gave me a dirty look.
Stacy didn't flinch, but just nodded in understanding. "Brenda was the same last night."
I raised an eyebrow and had the pleasure of seeing Stacy blush.
"Jayne, why don't you leave us to have a little chat?" Stacy requested politely. The expression on her face, which wasn't visible to Helen, clearly showed it was an order and not a request.
I gave a slight nod and went to one of the soundproof practice rooms. A bit of solitude with my instrument was needed and it would certainly fill the two hours before lunch. After warming up, I delved into the folder given to me by my peripatetic music teacher. He was just one of the people who came into the school who had been carefully vetted and knew better than to question why some lessons were with David and some with Jayne. I did know that besides teaching me a few others here and in some private schools, he was a principle player in one of the large London orchestras.
My practice was disturbed by the ping of my PDA. With the noise from my instrument, I would have missed it if I hadn't felt it vibrate.
I looked at the PDA and frowned. It was an urgent meeting from Mr Hobson for Stacey, Helen and myself. He wanted us in his office at once.
"At once" was not a phrase used very often at the school. When the headmaster says something has to occur at once, you drop everything you are doing, unless stopping would be life threatening.
I knew I was nearer than where Helen and Stacy had been, so had enough time to put my instrument and music away and place them out of the way. I would have to collect them later.
I'd just arrived outside Mr Hobson's office when Stacy arrived with Helen in tow. Helen's eyes looked red from crying and I wondered what had been said between them.
"Are you okay?" I asked Helen.
All I got in response was a not very nice look and an expletive mouthed at me.
"Helen, please keep calm till we are finished here. I know you aren't happy with Jayne, but that needs to wait."
Helen didn't say anything, but knocked on the door and we were quickly ushered in.
"Last night a criminal called George Hoskins was taken ill at a local prison and was taken to the hospital. About fifteen minutes ago he sneaked out of his ward and tried to kill Mr Barnes."
"Tried?" queried Stacy, as Mr Hobson paused.
"We had someone there who was able to stop him, which prevented Mr Barnes getting any further injuries. An attempt was made to talk to George, but he refused. He's now back in the hands of the prison staff. Mrs Barnes has been upset enough about everything, so won't be told. Wendy and Jessica won't be told, either."
"So why are you telling us?" queried Helen, trying to hide her strained voice.
"Because if Mr Barnes died, the children would have had to stay till the funeral and it would leave the school not having the Russian knowledge that Wendy and Jessica have."
"Are you sure it's just not a coincidence?"
"It could be, and we are looking to see if George Hoskins knows the Barnes family. We are also looking into who has been in contact with him. However, prisoners don't suddenly get so ill they have to go to hospital and then get well enough to suddenly appear at the other side of the hospital wielding a knife."
This was by far the most detailed information we'd been given and it worried me that students were in danger.
"Isn't the school supposed to be keeping the students out of danger, not put them into danger?" Stacy echoed my thoughts.
"Of course, and this blatant attempt shows once again that this school has a leak. If that leak isn't blocked, the whole school could be in danger. I can't let that continue. At the moment, nobody has put the students in danger and I don't expect that to change. Whoever these people are, they could have done something to Wendy and Jessica, but they haven't. At the moment, I don't think that any student is in danger directly from them. Whoever is behind this will know that it would be stupid to try and attack the Barnes family again, so I don't think anything like this will happen again."
"Is the information in Russia that important?" I asked, rather naively. "Could the information be got a different way?"
"I'm afraid that it is very important. It is probably one of the most important trips this school has ever made. However, if any of the students were in danger we would not be going. That, as always, is my first priority."
After we left Mr Hobson's office and were out of earshot, Helen turned to me and said rather gruffly, "Why did you have to tell Stacy?"
"Because I didn't want you upset," I said, and then smiled at the irony of my statement and added, "Like this morning."
"But you didn't have to snitch."
"I thought it would be better if Stacy helped as she has been through this. Stacy isn't going to tell Rachel, are you Stacy?"
"As long as I don't think that Helen is going to murder you tonight, then no. This is me, as an older student, trying to help a younger student over a tricky situation."
"Oh," said Helen. This is one of the things I love about Helen, she will eventually listen to others.
"Jayne, why don't you run along and let us continue our little conversasioni?"
"Your what?"
"Conversasioni. It sounds more exotic than a shouting match."
Helen just looked at Stacy like she was a nutter. I just smiled and after rescuing my instrument and music, went to see who was in our year lounge.
By lunchtime, Helen joined me and was looking a bit more herself.
"Are you okay?" I queried, slightly worried.
"Sure. I'm no longer upset with you, but I do have a few things to think about. I'll tell you tonight, but don't worry."
Don't worry, that was a laugh. Of course I worried, but when I saw her eat all her lunch, I knew she was going to be okay.
"Jayne, you've got to do something," pleaded Richard, when he rang me during the early afternoon.
"What's up?"
"We all keep getting phone calls, asking if we are okay and what time we're likely to get back to the school and it's driving us crazy. We're all tired and we are all trying to sleep, but we keep getting those phone calls. Sam said that there is a way to show where we are and an estimated time of arrival. Is there anything you can do to show that, so we don't keep getting calls?"
"I'll see what I can do," I promised. I knew exactly what Richard had talked about, but knew that the car locations were restricted. I could have found the information myself and made it available, but since it wasn't an emergency, I thought going through proper channels would be the best way.
I moved to a quiet corner in our year room and rang Julia. I outlined the issue and what I wanted to do.
"That's restricted," she instantly said.
"I know that," I responded, trying not to get frustrated. "Would it be possible to segment one car and flag its location as unrestricted, until it gets back to the school?"
"I'll see what is possible," she offered, without committing to anything.
While I waited, I sent a message to all in year one and three, asking them to refrain from disturbing the four travellers. Knowing the type of people they were, I was pretty confident that it would be obeyed.
It didn't take long for Julia to get back to me, with good news. I quickly sent a broadcast message to all the students.
"Wendy, Yvonne, Jessica and Sam are on their way home. So they aren't constantly asked where they are, the current location is being broadcast on television channel 0901 and on your PDA's there should be a link from the main screen. Once they are home, this facility will be removed."
I heard the familiar ting, as the message got broadcast to all the PDA's and a loud cheer emanated from everyone. Our television was soon broadcasting the car's location. I smiled to myself to see that information like the speed wasn't being shown.
Not very long after I'd sent the information, I got a message from Matilda, asking for information on what I'd done. I replied, "I went through the proper channels and access to the information was granted. It saved me a lot of trouble later. I noticed your attempt to access the server a few minutes ago to find the data feed. If you want to know, just ask, and I will be more than happy to sit down with you in the main computer lab."
Helen came up as I continued to monitor the server the feed came through. "That was a great idea. At least people know where they are without pestering them."
"Julia and others must have thought so too," I agreed, watching another attempt to gain entry. If I hadn't been watching, Matilda would have got in, but I quickly closed down the method she was using. Would that girl never learn? I'd just offered to sit down with her and do things properly, and yet she continued.
"What are you doing?" Helen enquired, seeing my frown.
"I'm stopping a persistent American girl from being naughty," I said, closing down the link from the American school. This would upset some teachers, but it should shut off Matilda's access from the server she was using in America. I added a filter and bought the link back up. I knew it wouldn't be long before Matilda worked around the filter, but it gave me a few minutes breathing space.
I dialled her PDA. "Matilda," I said rather sternly, causing others to look up from what they were doing. A few of the American's giggled, knowing that their rather loveable, but naughty friend, had been bending the rules again. "I'll be in our usual computer classroom in five minutes. Your presence there would save everyone, especially you, a lot of trouble."
"Good luck," Helen said in a low voice, as I got up to chat with Matilda. If this had been a dry, warm, summer day, I would have met her in the back of the school and discussed things while laid out on the lawn. Being it was winter, and only about five Celsius, it was not something either of us would have agreed to.
I was there first, presumably because Matilda needed the toilet on the way. Being there first, I grabbed the workstation I normally used. It was right next to the radiator, so I was always warm, and there was a great view out of the window. In the warmer months it was always interesting to see what was happening outside, not just with pupils, but with the wildlife. I think with the sudden cold snap we'd been having, most of the sensible wildlife had gone into hibernation.
"You commanded my presence," came a rather sulky voice from the doorway.
As I turned, I noticed she'd brought her doll with her. "No, I was just trying to save you a bucket full of trouble. Would you like to have written a nice report to Julia outlining why you went snooping when you didn't need to? I'm also a bit curious, why did you bring your doll with you?"
"I suppose not," she admitted. "When an intrusion occurs, Julia certainly seems harsher than RJ." She then looked down and readjusted the position of the doll she was cradling in her arm. "This is Nellie. You haven’t met her yet, and she hasn’t seen this part of the school."
"That's probably because the computer systems here weren't very good when she started and she had to do a lot more tightening up than RJ had to do. Though I presume you've caused him a few headaches since you joined."
Giggling, she replied, "More than you know."
"Look, come over here by the nice warm radiator while I go through this information. Don't they have a system like this at The Manor?"
"They have one which tracks PDA's, but I've never seen anything to do with tracking cars. If they do, it must be one of the only items I've never found," said Matilda, sitting down next to me.
"There are one or two other things that you haven't found," said a deep male voice from the doorway.
"RJ!" screamed Matilda with delight. She jumped out of her chair and ran across to give him a big hug. "What are you doing here? I thought you were still in America."
Matilda looked so small and helpless next to RJ. I shook my head as I remembered how much trouble that helpless girl had caused in her small time here.
"I'm here now," his voice boomed, while prying Matilda off his waist.
"RJ, please meet Jayne. She's Hayfield's resident student computer expert."
I got out of my chair and met RJ half way across the room. Wow, he was tall! He made Matilda look like a tiny doll.
"Pleased to meet you, sir."
"Sir is way too formal for me. I'm RJ and it's great to meet you, I've heard a lot about you. Well Matilda, I've just had Julia bending my ear about some strange log entries."
"I'm sorry, RJ," Matilda nearly broke down. "I'm trying to behave, but they have such interesting setups here that I just need to know how it all works."
"Matilda, all you have to do is ask," I sighed. "I offered to show you some items, but you still continued to play."
"It sounds like you two have more to discuss," smiled RJ. "I'll leave you to it. And remember Matilda, we are guests here, so be polite."
"Yes, RJ."
"RJ, before you go, who trained Matilda?"
"Probably the same person that trained you. Why?"
"Ah, I met her the other month. If nobody else has any objections, would you mind if Matilda met them?"
Matilda, who was standing next to me, looked puzzled. I don't think she had worked out that it was a student, now an ex-student, who had taught her all those naughty things.
"I think that would be a great idea. Why don't you run it by the two principals, and see what they say? As long as Matilda doesn't mind."
"Mind what? RJ, you know I hate being talked about as if I'm not here."
"Yes, and it shows how you've learned restraint. I'm proud of you."
"Really?"
"Yes, now let's see if you can learn restraint in other ways. Speaking of restraint, you haven't kicked anybody, have you?"
Matilda looked at the ground, with her hands behind her back, scuffing the floor with one foot, "W — Well."
I remembered the incident well, as I lifted my leg, rubbing my chin.
"Matilda! You promised."
"I did apologise," she muttered, refusing to look at RJ or me.
"When we get home, I think we need to work a little more on that relax action."
RJ wandered off shaking his head. When Matilda had calmed down, we settled down together to go through one of the restricted systems. She had clearance to be told the information, as and when it was deemed the appropriate time.
"Each school vehicle has its own tracking device, which is primarily intended to be used to recover the vehicle if it is stolen. This isn't anything special to this school, a lot of high performance or expensive cars have these type of devices attached."
"In America, we also have it in some rental cars so that if you break the speed limit, the satellite detects the fact and the rental company adds a penalty to your final bill."
"What we have is our own tracking devices, which interface through to the school's system."
I showed her the incoming data, and how it was processed. I finally showed her how Julia had converted the screen into a television channel. There is one great thing about Matilda, she never needs to be shown things twice.
"In school, we have the ability to track people, based on their PDA's. When they are outside school, can the same system detect them?"
"Sort of," I said, reluctantly. "It is more based on the car system than the internal tracking system."
"So they can be tracked even if they don't have a travel PDA with them?"
"Yes, and I'm only admitting that to you because I've been told by Mr Moore and Mr Hobson to be honest with you. You mustn't tell others that, or they might get upset."
"I know. I already know far too much information that I can't tell others. I think I'm the youngest adult at The Manor. Years E and above were frantic when they were told about Wendy and Jessica going home. They remembered all too well what happened at Marshalville. I think all the psychiatrists were working overtime with that."
"And yet you keep on asking more questions."
"Without asking questions and learning new things, I won't know how to help others, even if they don't know I'm helping. For instance, you knew about the car tracking system and were able to help by getting the information that people wanted, though I'm sure that it will have caused some at our school to wonder if we have a similar system."
"Well be careful. By helping others, you might have to take the blame, to keep facts secret. Just like what happened with Helen and me."
"You mean with Mr Black the other day?"
"Yes."
"It wasn't really a punishment though, was it? It looked like one, but I'm sure Mr Hobson knew exactly how they were all going to vote."
"Hey, you're probably right. I'd never thought of that. Now you know this information, does this stop you going prying into the server?"
"It will stop me looking through Hayfield's servers, although it looks like I missed a couple of things at The Manor."
"Matilda, stop and think for a moment. RJ isn't stupid and knows you will go looking. Why don't you surprise him and ask him for the information. Do it the right way, instead of bending the rules. Save bending the rules for when it's needed."
"At least he doesn't make me write reports. I just have to show him what I did. Thanks for teaching me." Matilda gave me a hug before gently picking up her doll and rushing out of the room.
That girl will be the death of me and I've only known her a few weeks!
There was a rush of activity about ten minutes before the car arrived. Students were seen rushing to their rooms to grab their coats. Every student at the school had taken it upon themselves to be outside for their return. This wasn't something that the teachers had arranged, or even the year heads; it was something spontaneous. A few teachers and psychiatrists wandered around, making sure everything was orderly, but generally kept out of the way. As the car drove into the school's driveway, they disappeared, allowing the students all the time they needed to welcome home four of their family.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 36
Sometimes telling the truth can be hard, but when the lie gets too deep, it can be hard to escape.
Our small family were all back together. After the welcome home in the wet winter evening, we'd eventually made our way to our year room. The Americans from year D had disappeared, leaving just the ten of us. I would have to thank Melissa later.
"So, what was it like to be back at home?" asked Emma.
"Strange. It wasn't just having to wear male clothes," said Jessica, who hadn't had chance to change. "Wendy and I have changed and we both found it very hard being home. When we left, we were both rather unsure of ourselves, as most children are at that age. Even though I've only been away from home for five months, I'm much more self confident and independent. I found it hard having my mother treating me like how I was. Wendy found it even harder."
"But I thought she wanted to be back with her family?" Brian pointed out.
"She did, but she was the one who wanted to come back today. It was very hard on Wendy, again not because she had to be male, but because she was so different from how mum remembered her. We've grown, and because we've been away, mum doesn't know how to treat us."
"I suppose it must have been hard for your mum, too," added Anna.
"Yes, I suppose it was. There she was, worried about Dad, and not knowing how to really relate to us. Wendy and I both mucked in and did things to help, but that seemed to just make things worse."
"How is your dad doing?"
"He's on the mend. He is doing a lot better than the doctors initially thought. I wish I'd opened that letter months ago, rather than waiting till now to find out that he was sorry. And Sam, there is no need to think 'I told you so', because I know you wanted me to open it. Looking back, there were subtle hints from a few of you — sorry I'd been so stubborn."
"We all can be stubborn sometimes," I admitted, looking at Helen pointedly.
"Someone has to be when you're concerned," Helen laughed, giving me a friendly punch.
"So what now?" asked Sam, finally letting go of Jessica's hand.
"Would you like to go freshen up?" Helen suggested.
"Oh yeah," Jessica gushed.
Since returning, there had been no sign of Richard, apart from the clothes. It was like a young girl had been trying to pretend to be a boy. Poor Jessica, it must have been hard. It must have been hard for Sam too, having to choose a gender rather than being androgynous.
While Jessica and Sam were in their rooms freshening up, the Americans were tracked down. They were having an impromptu choir practice in the main hall. We didn't want to disturb them, so after listening at the door for a bit, we went back to our year-room to entertain ourselves.
Just before our evening meal, the Americans finished their practice and Sam and Jessica arrived.
"It's good to be dressed nicely again, though it wasn't as bad as I thought it might have been," said Jessica. "I know who I am, and Sam kept reminding me while we were alone, so it didn't seem so hurtful."
That little spoken thought by Jessica kept running through my mind during the meal. It reminded me of my ideas many months ago before the French trip. Is that why I wasn't freaking out as Jayne? Perhaps, or was it something else? Why did people that didn't know me assume that I was female? Was it this confusion that caused my uncle to commit suicide?
"Are you okay, Jayne?" Helen queried, placing her hand over mine.
"Huh?" I said, my name jarring my thoughts.
"Are you okay?"
"Sure, why?"
"You seemed miles away."
"Sorry, was just mulling something over," I murmured, not really paying attention.
"Do you want to chat to me about it?"
"I'm okay," I said rather bluntly, brushing Helens offer of help away. She wouldn't understand, and I didn't want to offend her if I said something bad.
Why am I like a girl? Why didn't I need lessons to portray a girl, but needed them to portray a boy? This is just so confusing, so wrong. I'm wrong. I shouldn't be like this. I should be like my brother, still caring and loving, but somehow masculine. I'm just wrong. I don't fit in the real world and am hidden away. I don't think the world is ready for someone like me, and I don't think I'll ever be ready for the world. Is it worth continuing, when the place could be given to someone who needs it?
Perhaps my Uncle was right. Perhaps there was no way forward for him and no way forward for me. If he fought for all those years with the issue and never found a solution, perhaps there isn't a solution to be found for our family. Perhaps we are so different that even what Lewis, Emma or Jessica is doing isn't good enough. I couldn't do what my uncle did though, even if I wanted to; they don't give us blades or anything sharp.
I wracked my brain for a solution to end it all. Something that I could do here in this school. I started to think of films. Perhaps gas is an option. Lie down and put my head in an unlit gas oven. No sooner had I thought it than I dismissed it, the ovens weren't gas. An overdose also was not possible because we were never given drugs to take ourselves. Even if we had a headache, we had to go to see the nurse and we were given a liquid pain killer.
I thought about how Jessica has tried, using the sheets to hang herself, but quickly ruled that one out. When I was in my room, Helen was there and she wouldn't give me enough time to do it. Also, since Jessica's attempt, the sheets had been replaced with special versions that would rip if too much tension was applied.
We weren't allowed out of the premises, so jumping in front of a car or a train was out of the question. I began to feel even more helpless. I couldn't even think of a way to kill myself. I'm just useless.
I felt my hand being squoze, which disturbed my thoughts. I glanced up and saw Helen looking straight at me. She didn't look too happy.
Hoping that Helen was the only one, I looked around and saw Dan looking at me with concern. I gave a weak smile and he shook his head slowly. He knew. The first suicidal thoughts for months and I get picked up straight away. I sighed. Is there no justice in the world?
Melissa, who could see me from the other table, looked horrified. I heard others at that table ask what was wrong, but she refused to be drawn.
"I'm okay," I said quietly to Helen. "It's over now."
"After tea, you're going to see Rachel," she said firmly. I just hoped the others didn't hear.
"We've got orchestra practice."
"Sod orchestra practice. You are going to see Rachel!"
"But others will know something's up."
"So? Don't you think they sometimes have difficulties? You've noticed how much time Brian has been spending talking to his therapist. Then there is Jessica, who almost committed suicide because she didn't chat with anybody. Lastly, look at Sam, who has such a strange issue that none of the local psychiatrists could help, but had to see one of the American ones."
"Okay," I sighed. "Some of us are really messed up, aren't we?"
"I suppose that is why we go to this school, to get the help we need."
"You seem okay."
"Sometimes, but you know I've been through issues myself, with shutting away part of myself."
I fished out my PDA and sent a short message to Rachel. "Can I speak with you urgently after the meal?"
"Sure, I'll be in my office," read the prompt response.
As the meal progressed, I began to feel more nervous about seeing Rachel. What if she locked me up, or stopped me being with Helen? I didn't think I could cope with either of those things.
As we had our pudding, a plan started to form. I knew how to kill myself. I tapped away on my PDA, pretending to be responding to a message. Pleased with what I'd done, I managed to give Helen a reassuring smile, but she didn't look convinced.
"I'm okay now," I said quietly.
"You're still seeing Rachel," she responded.
"I know."
Some of the other years started to leave, and since we'd finished and cleared, we started to make our way to our common room when the fire alarm started to ring.
We all pulled out our PDA's and the words "Fire Alarm — NOT A TEST" were plainly visible.
In the confusion, I tried to slip away from the rest of the year. "Where do you think you're going?" said Sam, grabbing my left arm.
"You aren't going anywhere until you've explained what I saw earlier," said Melissa, suddenly appearing to take my right arm. I'd been watching Helen for my opportunity to slip away, and hadn't been watching the others. So much for being observant.
I wasn't quite frogmarched into the fire assembly area, but it was close. I was guarded by the whole year, including the Americans. At first I struggled slightly, but after I knew I wasn't going anywhere I cooperated, saving my energy for when I needed it.
Perhaps setting off the fire alarm in the middle of a cold winter's evening wasn't the smartest thing to do. We all stood around with no coats, while the temperature was close to freezing.
"What was going through your mind?" asked Helen.
There were a few puzzled faces as some people, especially those sitting at the other table, that hadn't known what had gone on through our meal.
"What's going on?" asked Paula.
"I've only seen that look once before, and a little bit later, Jessica tried to commit suicide," explained Sam.
"The thoughts have gone now," I said quickly, trying to brush the idea away.
I was covered in hugs and people telling me not to do it. Why couldn't I have had such thoughts when I was alone in the shower? I tried to move away from everyone, but I was surrounded and the only place to get away was down. I sank to the ground and tried to bury my head against my knees.
"Please stop," I pleaded.
"Don't crowd her," Dr Ruiz ordered, moving into the area. "Come on, move slightly away."
I looked up and saw there was a gap. For a fleeting moment I thought about running, but where would I go? I put my head back down and wept. It was all too much.
"Okay, the problem that caused the alarm has been found," Mr Hobson announced loudly enough for everyone to hear. "Everyone, please move inside before you all catch a cold. I don't think Mrs Taylor will be happy if all her singers couldn't perform due to sore throats."
I was again closely escorted, making sure I didn't go anywhere I wasn't supposed to. I thought I would be escorted to Rachel's office, but instead, we all headed towards our year room.
"Jayne, didn't you make an appointment to see me?" asked Rachel, catching up with us just before we reached the year room door.
"I think we all need to have a chat with Jayne first," said Helen, everyone coming to a halt.
I felt torn. I wasn't looking forward to the chat with Rachel, which was one of the reasons I'd set off the fire alarm, but I felt so ashamed that didn't want to speak with my friends, either. I just stood there, looking at the floor.
"Very well," Rachel eventually agreed. I think she'd been considering everything that had gone on, as her response seemed an eternity to come. "Helen, Jayne is your responsibility. For the next twenty-four hours she isn't to leave your side. Ring me when you have finished. I will be waiting."
"But orchestra practice starts in fifteen minutes," I pleaded.
"Nobody from your year will be attending," said Stacy, moving in next to Rachel. "I'm available if needed. The orchestra practice is only up the stairs."
Why couldn't people just leave me alone? I'd done nothing to them. Rachel and Stacy watched us disappear into the year room.
The settees were quickly moved to the edges of the room, leaving a wide space for us all to sit. This had been the first gathering like this since the Americans came, but they seemed to understand the plan. Perhaps situations like this arose there, too.
We were all settled on the floor, with partners sitting next to each other. These sessions could quickly get emotional, not just for the person they were concerned about, but also for others in the room. Wounds they thought, or hoped, were closed could easily reopen.
"I'm okay now," I insisted, before someone could say something. Helen just hung onto me, not saying anything
"Maybe," said Melissa. "However, you did have issues and you need to talk about them. Something obviously caused you so much pain that you thought you had no other option other than killing yourself."
"Why should I tell everyone my issues?" I sulked. "Nobody forces Lewis and Emma to say why they see the nurse a few times a day. Nobody forces Sam or Brian to say what their issues are that keeps them so preoccupied with their psychiatrists."
"I chatted with you all when I tried to commit suicide," Jessica reminded me.
There were a few gasps from the American students at that.
"Doesn't that happen at The Manor?" asked Helen.
"It has happened, but it is rare," said Melissa. "The last one must have been when we were in year B."
"It's also rare here. Prior to Jessica's attempt, it had been several years," said Paula.
"Jayne, I go three times a day to see the nurse for female hormones," offered Emma. "I thought you all knew."
"I go for the same reason," said Lewis.
"You're having female hormones?" laughed Emma.
Lewis broke out in a coughing fit. He finally managed to splutter, "No, male hormones."
"Jessica, are you on hormones?" Paula asked.
"No," sighed Jessica. "It seems it is too early for me. They want me to live as Jessica for six months first. I suppose as a test, to make sure that I'm not going to change my mind."
"See Jayne, people are open with you," prompted Melissa. I wonder when she'd become the designated interrogator. I glanced at Helen and saw her red eyes and tear stains on her cheeks. I wonder when she had been crying that much.
"Why shouldn't I want to kill myself?" I said rather angrily, forced into revealing the suicidal thoughts that I'd tried to hide. "I'm a waste as I am!"
"What?" most the room asked.
"Darling, why do you say that?" said Helen, pulling me between her legs. "I love you."
"No, you love Jayne, and I'm David," I cried, failing to get out of Helen's tight grasp.
"You are the same person. It's just a name," reminded Helen. "How different are you from when you got here?"
I shrugged.
"How many lessons did you need to have in speech and deportment?"
"Lots."
"Yes, lots, but hardly any for being Jayne," reminded Helen.
"What are you saying? That I'm really a girl?" I snapped. "I don't want to get things chopped off."
"Nor do I," reminded Jill. "Nobody at this school is going to force you to."
"But I'm broken. I'm useless at being the boy I want to be. I want to be David, but all the boy lessons I had just didn't feel right. It all felt wrong. I'm wrong. I'm just like my Uncle."
"So you want to take the same action your Uncle took? You want to end it all and leave everyone around you with your pain. Now that's downright selfish! Your mother has just started to heal after all these years, and now you want her to have to suffer all over again?"
"No."
"Do you want me to suffer?" piled on Helen. "Do you want me to have to live my life without you? Everyday, suffering, because you aren't there?"
"No."
"I think you need to be reminded what your Mum said to you in that letter about your Uncle," Helen said in full fury.
"I know what it said," I cried out. "You don't have to remind me!"
"Don't I?" She turned away, ignoring my tears and dejected face. "Jill would you mind running up to our rooms? You will find the letter in the top left drawer in Jayne's table."
"I'll go with you," said Anna. "I don't think any of us should be alone."
"Are you wanting to invoke an unofficial suicide watch?" asked Wesley, his jaw dropping.
"Jayne, with all the anti-suicide security that's in the school, do you think you found a way to kill yourself?" Monica asked.
"Yes," I murmured.
"How?" demanded Melissa, her voice full of authority.
I shook my head.
"Jayne!" warned Helen.
Even now I couldn't resist Helen. I fished out a tissue to clear my tear stained eyes and tapped up the menu to unarm the guns and showed her my PDA.
Helen turned an ashen white and promptly vomited over the person in front of her. Me.
"I guess I deserved that," I muttered, quickly clearing my PDA before anybody else could see it.
"We'll get a change of clothes for you both, too," said Jill.
"Are you okay?" Melissa asked Helen.
"Sorry," said Helen, taking a cup of water offered by Erika. "I'm not going to tell you the details, but Jayne would have succeeded. Thanks Sam, and you too Melissa, for stopping her and thanks everyone else, too. Melissa and Aurora, as joint heads of year D, would you agree to an unofficial suicide watch?"
"This is your school, so we'll go along with whatever you say," said Aurora, looking around at the nods from everyone in the room. "Personally, I think it's a good idea."
"Me too," said Melissa.
"I'll update Mr Hobson," said Helen, taking out her PDA. It was slightly damp, but none of the sick had got onto it.
"Come on, Anna," said Jill. "Let's get the things. Oh well, it looks it is joint showers in the morning again."
"Joint showers sounds good to me," said Erika.
"None of that," said Aurora sternly. "We don't want suicide watches imposed, just because someone likes washing their partner."
Jill and Anna hadn't been long when there was a knock on the door.
"Mr Hobson," I said wearily, indicating who was at the door.
Brian was the closest to the door and opened it. "Mr Moore is with him," notified Brian.
"Let them both in," called Helen.
"Can you wait a few minutes for Jill and Anna to come back?" Melissa asked. "Jayne and Helen needed some clean clothes."
"Sure we can, but what we wanted to ask was quite a straightforward question. Do you think this was a serious attempt?"
"Jayne explained to Helen what she planned to do, and yes, I do believe so," said Aurora. Helen and I sat huddled together, trying not to get the sick everywhere.
"After the concert practice has finished, an official suicide watch will be declared. If you are finished here, I would be grateful if you could all join me in the hall. Jayne, I believe you are already scheduled to see Rachel after you finish here."
"I'm okay now," I declared.
"Sorry Jayne, but you are to see Rachel. She will decide that."
"Year A has never experienced a suicide watch, so I would appreciate it if all of you would help them through this," said Mr Moore. "They are going to feel insecure and worried, having this happen when they are so far from home. They'll need some big brothers and sisters to help and reassure them that everything will be all right. Can I count on all of you to help out?"
"Yes Sir," came the standard chorus.
"Has Year B been on suicide watch before?" asked Melissa.
"Sort off. When Matilda joined, she had attempted suicide a few days before. Then there was what happened to Rachel."
"I hope her Dad rots in jail," I added, angrily.
"Isn't that a bit strong?" queried Paula, a bit shocked.
"For what he did to Matilda? NO! There was no excuse for what he did."
"What did he do?" asked Paula.
I just shook my head. It wasn't my story to tell.
Paula looked at Melissa, who said, "I don't know the whole story, but I do know it was very bad. I know the outcome; a lovely child almost destroyed herself. Her partner, Mary-Beth, was seriously hurt on the same day that Matilda tried to kill herself. In some respects, it took Mary-Beth longer to accept love and hope than it did Matilda."
"Rachel was very badly hurt the day Matilda joined the school. Since Matilda had attempted to kill herself a few days before, the whole year spent the night together, camped out in their year room." Mr Moore added, "There was a fear that Matilda, Mary-Beth, or both of them, would try to do something unexpected, although that watch was only overnight, not twenty-four hours."
"Could we do that here?" asked Helen.
"It might be a bit tight for the both year-one and year-D, but I will leave that for all of you to decide," Mr Hobson declared.
Jill and Anna came back just as the two head teachers were leaving.
"Did we miss anything?" asked Jill.
"Just that there will be an official suicide watch after the orchestra/choir practice," said Emma.
"Good, I just hope that this is the last one I ever have to witness," sighed Anna. "We have the clothes. Do you want to do the letter first, or change?"
"Do the letter first," I pleaded. "Would someone else read it?"
"I'll do it," said Martha.
"Before we start, this does get a bit upsetting," warned Helen. "I remember how I felt the first time."
There was a general shuffling while partners got closer to each other. A warning like Helen gave was never taken lightly.
Dear David,
I hope that you are settled into your new school okay. Eric has tried to show me how to use the email system but I found it too difficult. He offered to type what I wanted to send and he will in the future. This letter however, is just between you and me; you must never tell Dad or Eric what's in the letter.
After your interview with Dr Ruiz you mentioned Uncle James. This letter should explain a bit about your Uncle which I didn't tell you the other week.
James used to dress in my clothes and try to make his already feminine looks even more feminine. He wanted nothing more than to be a girl that he knew he was inside. While he was at school he used to get teased for his gentle and kind nature. At home, when we were alone, I helped him become what he was inside. We hid this from our parents as they would never understand.
I blamed myself for his death. If I hadn't helped him perhaps he wouldn't have killed himself. As you grew up I saw that you were just like James and tried to distance myself. Before James killed himself I used to be a smart outgoing girl. Part of me died when he killed himself. I withdrew myself and didn't take any of my exams. I don't think that I could live with myself if you also killed yourself.
As you grew up you reminded me of my brother and you were a constant reminder of the fact that I failed to save his life. I knew what was wrong with James and how it worried him. A week before James killed himself he talked to me about how he saw no future for himself. I didn't understand him properly and agreed that he had no future. The next time he was alone he slashed his wrists. I was the one who found him sitting in a bath of blood. I found out later that it would have taken ten minutes for him to become unconscious and another twenty minutes to die.
James killed himself on his sixteenth birthday and since you and he were so similar I'm worried that you might also commit suicide. I didn't want you to die like your Uncle had so I persuaded your father to agree to you going to Hayfield Hall. After the meeting with Dr Ruiz I had a private word with her and told her about James. She was the first person that I'd told since his death. There was just something about Dr Ruiz that I was able to open up to her. She told me to tell you in a letter about James as it would help you.
Since you've left home I've joined the library and tried to find out information regarding James's condition. He was what is described as a transsexual and it is not curable. The only treatment for his condition is to become the girl he was inside. I don't recommend that you try it at school, as I doubt they would understand, but if, after you've finished school you do need to be a girl, just like he did, then I give you my blessing.
If you'd have been born a girl you would have been called Jayne Laura Grant.
Love
Mum
Halfway through the letter, Helen and I both broke down and started sobbing on each other's shoulders. I don't think Martha was finding it too easy to read it, but it was a task she'd taken on, and she continued to the end. When she finished, there was silence. Not a normal silence, but a sort of stillness, where everyone is profoundly moved and there is a sort of tension that people are frightened of breaking.
"I'm so sorry," I sobbed over and over again. "I'm so sorry."
"If I ever volunteer to read something like that again, please remind me of today," sniffed Martha.
That broke the tension and there were a few giggles and chuckles around the room.
"No wonder you were upset when you got that letter," said Emma. Helen had done a good job making sure the others didn't know the details when I got the letter; just that it greatly upset me.
"If you don't mind, I'm going to go and get changed," I said, getting up. My clothes were covered in sick, as was the floor near me.
"You're not going anywhere on your own," said Jill. "Since Helen is very upset at the moment, I will go with you. Who wants to volunteer to accompany Helen?"
"I'll do it," said Anna.
"That leaves someone else to clean the floor," I said, rushing towards the toilet attached to our year-room.
That was the problem with others not allowed into the year-room. We had to do our own cleaning. When repairs were needed, or something was delivered, we either did it ourselves, got someone from a higher year to help. At a last resort, we'd invite in a specialist, but they had to be accompanied in the room at all times.
"Please, don't do this ever again," said Jill, as I changed.
"I don't plan to," I confirmed. "Suicide is just too much hassle. All that planning is one thing, but having to live with everyone else's disappointment is something else."
"I don't think we're disappointed. Surprised, probably. You seemed one of the most stable of us."
"I suppose it comes with bottling everything up. I'm still not sure why I saw red. Well, I do a little, but I've got a lot of chatting to do with Rachel, which I'm not looking forward to at all."
"Rachel is a good egg. I'm sure she just wants you to be safe and happy."
"I'm not sure how happy I'll ever be, but safe, I'm sure can be done."
"Are you that unhappy being Jayne?"
"I'm not sure what it is. I mean, it is just a different name and different clothes. Beyond that, I'm still the same person. Yet I don't feel comfortable. Something feels wrong, and I don't know what."
"What about before you came to this school? Were you happy then?" asked Jill, handing me a pair of trousers.
"No, because I didn't fit in. I wasn't really living. Yet here, I can live, but tried to stop living. Rather weird, isn't it?"
"Ironic, maybe. Weird? Nah, unless you want it to be."
"I'd rather just be me."
"Aren't you just you?"
"I think I'll save that one for tonight with Rachel," I laughed.
Once dressed in clothes that would have made Sam proud - a very generic pair of trousers and a polo neck jumper, I made my way back to the year-room. The sick was gone and so was the nasty smell; replaced with the sweet smell of apple blossom. Helen was back already, looking very fetching. I wonder if Anna had got her clothes to make me regret trying to be apart from her.
"You said earlier that you were unhappy being called Jayne. Would you rather we called you David?" asked Helen.
I was glad I was near one of the settees as I plopped down in shock. David? Can I be David? Is that possible? Stacy and Rachel had both offered me this before the trip had been announced, but I'd tried to be noble and be what others in the beta group would be. Now being David was staring me in the face and my mind was so active I couldn't think. David or Jayne? Jayne or David?
"Wakeup, wakeup," a pleading voice eventually filtered into my brain.
"Huh?" was the first thing that my brain thought that I was able to utter.
"Are you okay?" asked Helen. Things were becoming a bit clearer, and people weren't where I remembered them.
"Huh?"
"Rachel said she would be here shortly," said Melissa from somewhere near my right.
I tried to reboot and a question came up in my mind, "David or Jayne?"
"I don't know," I blurted out, causing the faces I could see to look extremely puzzled.
"You don't know what?" asked Helen gently. I felt her stroking my hand.
"What I want you to call me. I don't know. I don't know what I want."
There were things I wanted to say to Helen. Things that I didn't want others to know. Yet we weren't alone, and we probably wouldn't be alone for a while, especially if the plan for a sleepover panned out.
Paula and Emma must have been waiting outside the door for Rachel, as there was no knock. The door opened and in strode Dr Rachel Ruiz and the school nurse, quickly followed by the two girls.
Rachel saw me awake, and after finding out what happened, the nurse disappeared. I, on the other hand, started to get very nervous. I knew that it would be time to speak with Rachel and it wasn't something I was looking forward to. I felt a bit like a naughty schoolchild being sent to the headmaster.
"I'm not going to bite," said Rachel, seeing my fear.
"Can we have at least some of the discussion here," I said quietly, trying not to cry.
"Why?"
"Because I feel safer on student ground. Also, I have my friends to protect me."
"Some of the things we might discuss could be a bit personal. Is it fair to the others? They might not want to hear things."
"A show of hands," said Helen. "Who is willing to stay here to be with David, Jayne or whoever they are?"
All the hands in the room shot into the air.
"Okay," relented Rachel. "It looks like the room has been nicely cleared. Do you mind if I join you all on the floor?"
This caused quite a stir. I don't think they expected Rachel to be willing to get down and dirty with us. As Rachel sat down, she muttered that she wished she'd worn a pair of trousers that wasn't so tight.
"What do you want me to call you?" asked Rachel.
"Since most people are used to calling me Jayne, why don't you stick to that for now," I said quickly, before I started to think too deeply about it.
"A quick rule check," Rachel said to everyone but me. "I might get a bit blunt at times. Please don't call out or interrupt. You are here to give comfort if needed, to anybody in the room who might get upset. Some of the questions might not be nice, and some of the answers, you might not like to hear. Anybody can leave now before we start."
Nobody left.
"Before we start, can I say something?" Brian asked.
"Are you sure?" said Lewis.
"It is something I've been putting off talking about, and Jayne is right, I have been hiding something. When I grew up, my parents didn't try to force a gender on me. I was allowed to play with toy cars or dolls. I soon learnt that other children divided by gender, and I adapted. I was not allowed to take part in PE at school and it wasn't until I was a bit older that I found out why. I was born intersexed. The doctors wanted to operate on me to make me a boy or a girl. My parents said no, that I should choose when I was older. I have some female organs in me and some male ones, which is causing a conflict, and I really need to see if I want to do something about it."
"You used to come swimming with us," said Emma. "Why did you stop?"
"Because I've started to grow breasts," said Brian, trying not to blush.
"And if you put on a bikini top, we would probably have asked you a thousand questions you weren't ready to answer?" I asked.
"That's about it," agreed Brian. "Just like you now, there are probably a thousand questions you don't want to answer. I talked a lot and I came to a decision. I really had three choices. Do nothing, remove male parts, or remove female parts."
We all pounced on Brian and smothered him in hugs. It wasn't a choice any of us would really like to make, but in some ways, we all had to.
"At first," continued Brian, "I was going to decide based on what would be my best option for being fertile. Could I be a mum or a dad? I had quite a few tests, but the doctors couldn't decide. I almost certainly can't get pregnant, as my female organs aren't properly formed. They say I have testis, but it is too early to tell if they work correctly, as I've not hit a male puberty yet. Also, the female puberty might cause a conflict and stop the male puberty from ever happening.
"Then I decided that being able to have children shouldn't define who I am. I should really decide how I feel. This school has given me the great advantage of gender being flexible. I've spent time trying to be female on Mix Up Mondays, and that gave me the chance to decide based on feelings."
Brian stopped. We were all at the edge of our seats, wanting to know what Brian had decided, but there was just this expectant gap hanging there.
"And?"
"I decided that deep down I'm male. I want to grow up to be a man, not a woman. In the New Year, the female organs will be removed and I will be able to live as me."
"Are you sure?" I asked. "You are taking away the option to change your mind."
"I know, but I know how I feel."
"Will it be before or after we go back to America?" asked Ruth.
"I've no idea when you're going back," said Brian. "When do you?"
"I presume, shortly after the concert," shrugged Melissa. "We've never spent this much time away from the Manor before, so I'm not sure. Dr Ruiz, do you know?"
"I'm afraid I know no more than you," said Rachel, shaking her head.
"Well my operation is scheduled for the middle of January. They said they will be able to give me a firmer date in the New Year. To be honest, I'm pretty scared. Apart from some operations I had when I was a baby, which I don't remember, I've never been to hospital."
"We'll be there for you," we all promised.
I realised what I'd promised when I saw the slight smile on Rachel's face. Suicide now was not an option for me, and Dr Ruiz knew enough about my background to know that. I saw Sam fidgeting, nervous that Brian had told us his secret that all other secrets would need to be told. While there was a general murmur of everyone chatting about how brave Brian was, I leaned across, took Sam's hand and said, "You don't have to say anything. I was being spiteful earlier, letting my frustration do the talking for me. Sorry. You will tell us when you're ready."
"Thanks," replied Sam, sitting up straighter and looking relieved.
"So Jayne, how are you feeling now?" asked Rachel, putting on her professional inquisitor's hat.
"Rather silly," I replied honestly. "Oh, and not at all suicidal."
"Why not?" asked Rachel. "You have just embarrassed yourself in front of your friends, been sick over and failed at what you planned. Sounds a jolly good reason to commit suicide to me."
There was a universal gasp of shock from those sitting and watching. Rachel frowned.
"You don't like doing group sessions, do you?" I asked
"No, not really," she replied honestly.
"Then we are even," I chuckled. "Anyway, getting back to your taunt, those aren't a reason to commit suicide. Well they might be for others, but not me."
"According to reports, you seemed very introspective during the meal, and gradually went downhill. Why didn't you talk to someone? Helen was there and saw you were suffering, but you refused her help."
"Can't we do this alone?" I begged.
"Why?" said Rachel. "You asked for this to be a session with others here."
"Because I don't want to hurt anybody."
"Haven't you done that already?"
"Because deep down, I'm David. I know I might act like a girl, but I don't want to be one."
"Has anybody suggested that you become Jayne forever?"
I didn't say anything. I knew what I wanted to say, but didn't want to cause hurt. There were some things I couldn't say, because it had to do with the beta group.
The silence became like a battle. Would someone else talk before me, move the topic somewhere else? The time ticked on and some rather pointed looks started to appear, urging me to answer. Dr Ruiz just sat there, cross-legged on the floor, her facial expression not changing. I'd tried to outstare an owl once and failed. I failed today, too.
"No, but Helen would prefer I was Jayne."
"Oh, so I'm to blame, am I?" Helen huffed. "Have I ever told you to be Jayne?"
"No, not really," I sighed, unable to say yes that she'd told me to be Jayne for the first beta meeting after the Americans had arrived. Anyway, that one incident didn't count, as she had been right. That was beside the point, she did prefer me as Jayne; she'd admitted it. "I just happened to be Jayne when the announcement of the field trip happened. I'm stuck as Jayne until after the trip."
"Jessica was Richard when the French trip was announced, and an exception was made then. Since being Jayne is causing you to be suicidal, I can override the policy and say you can go as David. Would you prefer that?"
"Are you saying that nobody at the school is going to force me to be Jayne forever?"
"They would need to get past me first," said Dr Ruiz. "This school is about letting people be what they want to be. We do things like Mix Up Monday to give you an opportunity to experiment. It also lets everyone see that we are open for anything. Sometimes this causes the school to face up to things we don't expect, and we have to adapt."
"You mean like me?" piped up Sam.
"Yes, your revelation was something new to me and a lot of others. How has the school treated you since you told us your needs?"
"Outstanding," Sam confirmed. "I'm still worried what others will say though."
"Are you talking about it?" asked Dr Ruiz.
"Of course," replied Sam, like Dr Ruiz had asked the stupidest question in the world. "I think I'd go mad if I didn't."
"Sam, I've got about the weirdest body in the world," said Brian. "Nobody freaked out when I told them, and I plan to go swimming at the weekend, even though I will need to wear a bikini top or a t-shirt. No, I'm not going topless; all the boys would get too excited."
"Not me," said Wesley. "I'm gay."
That caused everyone to laugh.
"So, if I want to, I can be David when we get back from the trip?" I pressed.
"I expected you to be," Helen said. "I didn't force you to stay as Jayne after the French trip, did I?"
"No," I confirmed.
"I'll go as Jayne," I said to Rachel.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes."
"We need to chat more before I will accept that," said Rachel. "I'll only confirm when I'm satisfied, and that might be tonight, or it might not be for a few days."
"A few days?" I gasped. How much torture is she going to put me through? "Hey, torture is illegal." It got a few laughs, but certainly not from Rachel.
"I'll ignore, for now, why you didn't want to speak with me, but I can't overlook why you didn't speak with Helen."
I paused. This wasn't a nice question. I'd hurt Helen a lot.
"Two reasons. Because Helen would have wanted to do the right thing, and because it was embarrassing. Helen often asks how I'm doing, if I'm okay. It would have been like admitting to having lied to her before. One lie, confirming that I was okay, when I wasn't, led to me not being able to talk to her."
"That's why partners always should tell the truth," Jill pointed out. "I think you told me that once."
"I get it," suddenly crowed Helen. "It's like my parents."
"I think you'll have to explain that one," said Melissa. "What do your parents to do with it?"
"My Mum smokes. She says she's given up, but you sometimes smell it on her clothes. Dad asks her every so often about it, and she says she doesn't, and would tell him if she did smoke again. We were at a restaurant once, and mum had gone to the toilet. I needed a tissue and didn't have one, so I looked in mums coat pocket and found them there. Dad told me to just leave them there and forget what I'd seen. I asked why, and he said that it would be like admitting to have failed to keep off the cigarettes."
"Why not just tell her that he'd found them and then she might stop?" asked Elaine.
"People have to stop because they want to," explained Helen. "Dad loves mum very much and would love her not to smoke, but it is something Mum has to decide herself. If she thinks he knows, she will just throw out the fags and buy some more when she thinks things have settled down — wasting money they don't have. Dad thinks it is costing them over a grand a year. Dad also doesn't want to embarrass Mum by putting her in a situation where she would be humiliated. He knows she isn't ready to stop smoking and would prefer her to be open with him and smoke openly, that way there was no secrets, no lies. It puts a great strain on their relationship, as Dad doesn't trust mum with everything, but till she can trust him, it is something he just puts up with."
"Did you know I was lying?" I asked.
"Not really, but looking back I can see pointers. Just like when I knew that mum was smoking, I knew when she would sneak off to have a cig. I had no idea before then."
"Helen, how do you feel about Jayne now?"
"I feel hurt," she admitted. "I'm not really sure about anything else. I'm still confused about it all. I need to have a bit of a think about it."
"Are you angry?"
"I suppose I was angry and hurt at first."
"You aren't any more?" pressed Rachel.
"I suppose I am still a little."
"Only a little?"
"Okay, yes, I'm bloody angry and hurt. I thought we loved each other, but all Jayne could think about is Jayne. She didn't even consider how upset I would have been if she'd killed herself. How I'd miss her every day I lived. How I'd not ..."
She trailed off and burst into tears. I quickly moved and pulled her into me. "I'm never going to do this ever again," I said quickly. I hated to see Helen like this.
"You really promise?" sniffed Helen, wiping the snot from her nose on her sleeve.
I paused. "I can only promise to try," I said reluctantly, not wanting to promise something I knew was too restrictive.
"Rachel, is it okay if we all have a sleepover in here tonight?" asked Melissa.
"Yes, that's fine," agreed Rachel. "I'll have the sleeping bags dug out. It's a good job we ordered extra. Tomorrow, you all have special lessons on stress management. However, Jayne, tomorrow you need something a bit different. Don't worry, it isn't me droning on or asking you a million questions. Since suicide watch is on, Helen will be coming too. We will leave straight after breakfast and be gone most of the day. Since it is a long journey, please dress comfortably."
The concert practice would be finishing soon, so we all made our way to the hall. So we didn't disturb the playing, we waited in the wings by the stage entrance, listening to the end of The Armed Man — Better is Peace. As it finished, we made our way onto the side of the stage, not far from the choir. I was past trying to commit suicide, but others were taking no chances. Even if I wanted to run, I wouldn't have been able to. It's so nice that others do care and do accept.
"Well done, well done," said Mr Hobson, coming on from the other side of the stage. He wasn't alone, but accompanied by Mr Moore and all the psychiatric staff. The sight of their sober faces was soon the gossip between people, wondering what had been going on.
"Quieten down," asked Mr Moore. "Hopefully this won't take long."
"This evening, during the meal, one of the students was acting so against their normal behaviour that it caused her friends to get worried. During the fire alarm, she saw her chance and tried to put her plan into action. Her friends stopped her. I'm led to believe that if that student hadn't been stopped, they would probably now be dead."
There was total silence from most students. The only shocked ones were year A, from The Manor. Everyone else just seemed to be privately praying for whoever it was. A few looked across at us and noticed the way I was being protected, and understood. Matilda was one of them and looked at me rather disappointedly. My heart sank, hoping that a moment's foolishness hadn't destroyed our rather good friendship.
"From tonight, a suicide watch is in place. For the benefit of those who've never experienced one of these, for the next twenty-four hours you aren't to leave your partner's side for any reason."
Someone from year A raised his hand.
"Yes, Quincy?" asked Mr Moore.
"What about sleeping tonight and showering in the morning?"
"As Mr Hobson said, for NO reason. The showers here are large enough for two. For year-A, I recommend a sleepover in your year room. Sleeping bags will be provided so that the whole year will be together."
"But-" started Quincy.
"Why don't we have this discussion in our year room in a few minutes," said Rachel, Matilda's younger sister. She seemed to hold a bit of authority; perhaps she was a year leader.
Quincy nodded and lowered his hand.
"Okay," continued Mr Hobson. "As practice is over, if you all leave for your year room, someone will come to see you to make sure you are all okay."
"Sorry, but we need a private word with Stacy," Helen said, to the rest of the year. "Would you wait for us?"
"Don't worry," said Aurora, "We aren't going anywhere."
Stacy was just finishing putting her violin in its case, when she saw us approaching. Sandy, the leader of The Manor's orchestra, who was sharing first desk with Stacy, quickly offered to take care of it for her.
"Are things looking better than they were?" Stacy asked, as we moved to an empty area of the hall.
"Yes, sorry for causing so many issues," I apologised.
"We all have them. I lost it once, though I didn't try to commit suicide," admitted Stacy. "I suppose it was easy for me, as I knew who I was."
"I don't," I sighed.
"You will eventually," encouraged Stacy. "Now, what did you want to see me about?"
"Jayne found a way that would have worked," started Helen.
"Why see me? Shouldn't you be telling this to Rachel?"
"We did, but what Jayne planned involves items best to be run by you."
"Oh?"
I pulled out my PDA and went to the menu.
"Ah," said Stacy. "You would have got close, but never succeeded. You can only unlock if there are two people capable of unlocking, unless there is a beta emergency declared. In that case, you would have had to use your beta PDA. That system isn't as easy to hack as the fire alarm system."
"You know about that?" I gasped, horrified.
"Yes, though only a few do. You rushed it and it was easy to track back to you. I hope you learn to do better under stress than you did."
"Sorry."
"Hey, you are only year-one. I'm sure Julia will make sure you are run through some stress drills over the next few days as punishment."
"Oh joy. I'll look forward to that," I laughed.
"You better get back to your year. It looks like you've done well with them, that they want you to pull through."
When we got back to the year room, there were two boxes filled with sleeping bags waiting outside our door. We dragged the boxes inside the room and found we needed our sleepwear.
"Meet back here in five minutes," I said.
We all dashed in pairs to our rooms. Jill and Anna accompanied Helen and I, just in case. Back at the room, we took it in turns to use the year toilets to change.
"You'll understand more about me in a few minutes," Sam said, and rushed into the toilets.
When Sam appeared the room fell silent. The corners of my mouth twitched slightly, which I tried hard to resist.
Ellen's words about Sam flashed through my mind: "Just treat Sam as Sam wants to be treated, and don't ridicule. That is the best thing you can do."
I rushed across and gave Sam a huge hug.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 37
It seemed strange to wake up in a room with no windows, but it was probably fitting after a rather strange day that turned out nothing like I'd expected at the start of the day. Most days have a pattern that has some type of expectation built in. Yesterday just didn't fit into anything that had previously happened. One question kept buzzing through my mind, apart from Sam — wow, that was some other thing that was unexpected, was 'Why?' Why did I breakdown? What caused it to happen then, and what could I do about it so it didn't happen again.
I heard loud snoring and grinned. I'm still not sure how any of us actually managed to stay asleep with Anna snoring like she did, but I suppose after another few hours chatting with Sam we were all pretty tired. So far Sam's issue was something just for our year. Sam was certainly not ready for the rest of the school to know, but when Sam was, we would all be there giving our support.
Support! Support is one thing that this school gave which I'd forgotten about. It had become so second nature that I'd forgotten it was even there. I'd only had to tell Rachel that I was having issues and she would have chatted through things with me and probably reached the same conclusion as last night. There was no need for silly things like suicide. Why didn't I remember such things when needed? Heck, we'd all been there when Jessica had her breakdown, so why didn't I remember how it wasn't needed.
"Are you okay?" murmured Helen, lying in a sleeping bag next to me.
"Sure, just basking in the fact there is no alarm this morning."
I think I must have been jinxed, as a big yellow smiling face suddenly appeared on the big television followed by a very loud fanfare. The words "TIME TO GET UP" appeared below the face.
A shock like that wasn't what we wanted on a suicide watch. I quickly grabbed my PDA and started looking into what had happened. Others had already guessed, but I wanted proof. Matilda!
"Calm down," I said, jumping out of my sleeping bag. "It looks like Matilda made a slight typo and sent it to the wrong screen. I think it was meant for the year-B room. Our device names are almost identical."
I sent a quick message to the little munchkin, telling her what she'd done. I explained it really wasn't a good idea to send something like that during suicide watch happening and people were a bit jittery.
"Apart from the unexpected alarm call, how is everyone feeling?" I enquired. "Anybody feel suicidal?"
"I'm too tired to feel anything," moaned Susan.
"I suppose a night of the unexpected will do that," I laughed.
"What about you?" Melissa asked me, when everyone confirmed they were okay.
"I feel rather foolish about what happened yesterday. I'm not sure why I forgot to ask for help, though I'm sure I won't be allowed to forget it. Suicide is the furthest thought from my mind."
"It better be," growled Helen. "If you try again, I'll finish the job myself."
There was a stunned silence, until Helen started giggling. I knew, or hoped, that she was joking, but sometimes you can never be too sure.
"Let's break for showers and then meet back here. We have about forty-five minutes before breakfast. I think Helen and I are chilled enough not to need an escort for that."
"Thank goodness for that," said Jill with much feeling.
Our laughter was interrupted by a timid knock on the door, which we almost missed. Everyone glanced at me, the resident door knock interpreter. I didn't recognise it, so shrugged.
Ruth, who was the closest, opened the door. "It's Matilda and Mary Beth. Matilda wonders if she can come in and apologise."
"Let me go into the toilets," said Sam, making a hasty retreat. Jessica quickly followed, when her PDA gave a proximity warning.
"Come in," Ruth said, swinging open the door.
"I wanted to say that I'm sorry if I upset anyone when I did that alarm clock," said Matilda.
There were many quick comments on how we forgave her, but to be careful in future.
"I'm glad you woke us up when you did," said Helen. "It means that I can get my back scrubbed for longer."
Matilda obviously understood what Helen was saying and looked down, rather embarrassed. I don't think Mary Beth understood, as she looked a bit perplexed.
"Matilda, you didn't do this on your own, did you?" I queried.
"What do you mean?"
"You are an expert in infiltrating systems, but not in coding. This required knowledge which you don't have."
"Yes, I did have someone else helping me this time, although I do have a few tricks up my sleeve. You'd be surprised by how much I know. Often I have to write programs to help keep hidden while ... er, exploring," she said, without giving away who had helped and I didn't ask. It was a good prank and I didn't want to spoil her enthusiasm.
At breakfast, most of the years looked very relaxed and content. Years A and B looked rather embarrassed, while year C was a mixture. Well most of year B looked embarrassed. Mary Beth must have found out what Helen had meant, as she and Matilda kept glancing at each other with silly grins.
After breakfast, we were met in the entrance lobby by Rachel and Julia. Julia looked rather reproachfully at me.
"I'm sorry, miss," I said, bowing my head.
"I'm disappointed in what you did, Jayne. I thought you knew better," said Julia.
That actually hurt the most. I respected Julia and thought very highly of her. To actually hear her say I disappointed her ripped my heart out. I felt the tears welling in my eyes. Julia didn't say anything else, but registered our travel PDA's to us and left with our standard ones.
"We have about a three hour journey to our first stop," said Rachel, as Helen and I buckled up in the back of the car. "If you need a comfort stop, then let me know. You should find a basket somewhere back there. In it are snacks and drinks to keep you going."
We'd just had a rather sizable breakfast, but Helen and I did what all teenagers would do, dove in to see what was there. Rachel laughed at the normality of the situation and slowly drove down the driveway.
"Why don't you do what you normally do when you infiltrate a system," said Helen to me.
"Huh?"
"What do you normally do if you do any hacking? I know if I pick a lock, I have to send a report."
"I send Julia a report, but I didn't hack. I used the extended privileges I have to fool the system," I explained.
"So, you got the system to do something that it wasn't meant to do? That sounds worthy of a report."
I hated doing reports, but knew Helen was right. It was much easier on a full-size keyboard, but at least these PDA's had a small keyboard. Helen put on a pair of headphones to listen to music from her PDA while I worked away. Finally, after many changes, I sent the report. I'd also added a recommendation that would stop someone trying what I'd done.
An hour later, I'd received nothing back from Julia apart from a read receipt, which arrived a few minutes after I'd sent the report. I began to feel that I'd let everyone down and that nobody would forgive me, especially Julia.
"I think this is a good place to stop," said Rachel, pulling into the services. "Why don't we say a fifteen minute break to go to the toilet and stretch your legs?"
"Yes, Rachel," Helen and I said simultaneously. I grinned at the absurdity of how happy that made me feel.
Wow, it seemed so strange. It was just Helen and me, alone, miles from school. When I'd gone to Scotland with Julia, I'd never left Julia's side. Yet today, less than a day after a suicide attempt, Rachel trusted us to behave.
Without cash to splurge at the service station shop, there wasn't much to do, so after visiting the toilets, we made our way back to the car. As we approached, we spotted that Rachel was on her phone, so we went back to the look at what CD's the shop had.
"This one looks good," said Helen, showing me The Scissor Sisters album. That was the problem with motorway service stations, they never had anything up-to-date
"It's on the school network," I said, having been surprised by the words of the songs. "I heard they are working on a new album due out next year."
As we were coming out of the shop, Rachel was just coming into the building. "I'll be with you in two minutes," she rushed quickly towards the ladies.
"I've not had a KFC in months," sighed Helen, looking longingly at the food stalls.
"I know what you mean. The food at the school is nice, but a take-away of fish and chips or pizza would be great every so often."
"Are you two okay?" said Rachel, rejoining us.
"School food is great, but how often do we get chance to just have a fun children's meal?" I asked, mirroring the thoughts we'd had.
"What do you mean?"
"A KFC or McDonalds, or even a pizza with lots of coke."
"Why would you want such food?" Rachel asked, sounding puzzled.
"It's just part of our childhood that we're missing out on, that we don't really have to. I'm not talking about every day, but as a treat that we can savour every so often. And I'm not talking about the kitchen staff making it, but actually getting some nice unhealthy food delivered in."
"Well I can't guarantee that we can in school, but we certainly can pig out at lunch if you want," smiled Rachel. "I can't remember eating out for ages."
"Rachel, don't you ever get a day off?" Helen asked, as we got into the car.
"Sometimes, it has been easier lately, with the American staff here to make sure there is enough cover. Apart for meals, do you see every member of the support staff every day?"
"No, I suppose we don't," agreed Helen.
"Is that why sometimes year five doesn't have someone at their table?" I said, thinking back. "I always assumed it was because they were busy elsewhere."
"The American's don't seem to have the problem as they have a bigger support staff. They have general councillors that deal with the ordinary as well as the psychiatric team. At Hayfield, there are ten students in year-one, and there is talk about taking ten or twelve next year. It might be time to hire an extra person."
"What about Mr Hobson. He always seems to be there."
"He lives at the school, so even if he has a day off, he will always try to be around for breakfast and the evening meal."
My PDA beeped with the arrival of a message. I looked and it was from Julia. She apologised for the length of time getting back to me and said that she'd implemented my well thought out suggestions. That cheered me up a little. Perhaps she wasn't ignoring me, after all.
"Do you mind if I have a small nap?" I asked. "Last night was tiring."
"I think I'll join you," said Helen.
The continuous drone of the car on the motorway soon sent me to sleep and the next thing I knew was when the car slowed as we got off the motorway.
"Are we nearly there?" I murmured, not wanting to wake Helen, who was still asleep.
"We will be in a few minutes. Can you gently wake Helen, so she has chance to come around?"
"Wake up, Helen," I gently rubbed my hand against her arm.
"Leave me a bit longer," she complained, half asleep.
"We are nearly there," I said, rubbing her leg this time. "I think we have a can of Dr Pepper in the bag."
"Okay," she grumbled, shifting position to stretch her legs.
"So where are we?" I asked, giving Helen a drink to suck on.
"You'll see," Rachel promised, turning through a set of gates into a driveway.
"This is a cemetery," said Helen, as the tombstones came into view.
"Correct," confirmed Rachel. "There is something here that I want you to see."
Rachel parked the car and took a potted plant from the boot of the car. We followed her to a specific grave. It was rather plain and just said "Jason Paul Bishop, died 23 July 2005"
"Who is Jason?" Helen asked.
"Jason was a transsexual and had transitioned to be Tina Francis Bishop. Let me tell you her story as I tidy up the grave a bit."
For the story, read: Denied
Helen and I listened as we helped Rachel with a bit of tidying.
"But that's so unfair," I sniffed. "How could Yvonne do that?"
"Do what?" said Rachel.
"The gravestone should say Tina Francis Bishop."
"When someone dies, the next of kin gets to decide these things," said Rachel sadly. "Since they weren't divorced, Yvonne got to make the choice she did. There was a lot of protest from the transgendered community, but Yvonne decided for the good of the children. It's a place where they can go to remember their father without their knowing the past. Tina gave up any say when she killed herself."
"The children didn't know?"
"No, as far as I know, they didn't."
"It seems a total waste," I said, in between blowing my nose. "The children lost a parent and Tina never became who she needed to be."
Rachel and Helen both gave me meaningful looks and I frowned. I'd got the point; they didn't have to rub it in.
"We have quite a drive to the next stop, so let's get going," said Rachel.
I glanced at the note, attached to the potted plant. It was addressed to Tina. Rachel had remembered Tina in the right way. I ran to catch up with them.
My PDA rang as we were stopped for something to eat, while heading for our next destination. We had eaten at a Burger King and I had to stop myself from picking it up with greasy fingers. After wiping my fingers, I saw Anna's name shown on the screen.
"Hi Anna, how's your course going?"
"Hey, it isn't too bad. We're getting some great tips and ideas, and we all thought we were okay. Heck, even Jessica is worrying less."
I laughed as I heard the protest in the background.
"It seems most of us had some mild stress in our lives due to the school work, but nothing that should cause any problems. Apparently a bit of stress isn't bad, unless it is ignored."
"Sounds like I'm missing out," I sighed. Seeing Tina's grave and hearing what had happened had left me rather spooked. At the moment, I'd rather have been anywhere than with Rachel. I couldn't imagine where we would be going next. Perhaps she would be showing me how the dinosaurs became extinct because they didn't talk to each other enough.
"I rang to see if things were okay. You sound a bit upset."
"I'll explain more tonight, but Rachel has just been showing us the consequences of last night's action. We've been to our first stop, and we've just had lunch while on our way to our final stop. We should be home late this evening."
"We asked if we could have you on tracker, but it got refused. Even Matilda said that she wouldn't help. She says she is under some sort of promise not to go near that system."
Interesting. First Julia seemed distracted, and then Matilda had to promise not to go near a part of the computer system. I wonder if something is happening.
"Well I can't tell you where we're going, as Rachel hasn't told us," I said, half trying to provoke Rachel. She just smiled and stole one of my chips. "I'll ring when we are on the way home and we know roughly when we will be back."
When we were back in the car, and again driving along the motorway, I asked Rachel, "Is something special happening?"
"What do you mean?" replied Rachel. Helen too looked enquiringly at me.
"First this morning Julia said she'd been rather busy, and it seems Matilda has had to promise to keep her fingers out of certain systems."
"And they think that will stop her?" Helen asked, sounding very surprised.
"From what I've heard, she keeps her promises," I responded.
"I've not heard that anything special is happening today," said Rachel, "but I'm not always told beforehand. I just have to make sure that everyone is okay afterwards."
"Why?"
"Remember when you went to get Jill and Anna? There were certain things you needed to get off your chest. The sight of armed police threatening to shoot someone, the fear of being in a house with an angry mob trying to burn it down. Those sights were not something you knew how to deal with."
"I suppose not," I admitted.
"How bad does it get?" Helen asked.
"If all goes to plan, it shouldn't get anything like as bad as Jayne experienced that day. However, the unexpected can happen."
The scenery flashed by as the car ate the miles. After a while, Helen and I glanced at each other. "We can't be, can we?" whispered Helen.
"It looks like it," I responded. "But why?"
"You'll see," said Rachel, obviously hearing our whispers.
"Do you think we can see our families, while we are here?" said Helen, excitedly.
I moved across one seat, so I was right next to Helen and took her hands into mine. "You know the rules," I sighed. "We can't see our families. What happened with Jessica was an emergency."
It seemed rather heartless of Rachel. She knew how it hurt Helen that she couldn't see her parents again, and being this close obviously built up hope.
"I know," sobbed Helen, leaning her head on my shoulder. "I know. I just had a moments relapse. I'll be okay."
"No, Helen. You were there for me yesterday. Let me be here for you today." I turned to Rachel and said, "I hope there is a good reason that you've bought us here today. You knew how upset Helen would be coming this close to home."
"We wouldn't have needed to come if you'd not attempted suicide, and yes, there is a good reason we are here today, as you will see in a few minutes."
When we turned into what was our destination my heart sank. Another cemetery. The last one had been quite traumatic enough. I had a sneaking suspicion why we were visiting this one. Yes, coming here today was my fault, but I'm sure this visit would have happened at some stage in my life, either at school or after I'd finished.
"Do you know where the grave is?" I asked.
"Of course," she said. "You don't think we'd have made this trip unless I was prepared."
We parked in a mostly deserted car park and followed Rachel, who expertly guided us. "Well, this has changed," she commented.
"Let me guess, you saw the grave while doing the background research before offering me the place."
Rachel just smiled. "It was a rather unvisited grave last time I came."
There were flowers and a little sign saying, "To the sister I only started to know. I wish I'd known you longer."
I started to cry when I read the sign. Obviously mum had started to deal with the death of her sibling, rather than ignore it. I wonder how much the rest of the family knew. I began to think about Mum's letter to me, the one that had been read out to everyone last night. To die such a horrible death. To slit ones wrists and die an agonising death isn't something a teenager should ever have thoughts about. How can people treat them so bad that it came to that? I still don't understand why I tried, but I know that I can't ever do it again. I can't, given Helen and all those that care about me. How much pain must Mum have felt when she discovered the body?
"Are you okay?" asked Helen, slipping her hand into mine.
"I don't want to end up like this," I said, trying to hold back the tears. "I don't want to cause others pain."
"What about your pain?"
"I don't know why I got like that. It was a sudden reaction to a temporary problem. After the Russia trip, I'll be back as David."
"You could be now if you wanted."
"No," I said violently shaking my head. "I made my choice for this trip. I'm not going to change." I stood there, facing the grave, Helen holding my hand. My thoughts wondering about the aunt I never knew, and the loving new family that I had. Suicide was no longer an option for me.
"Hello, Dr Ruiz," a familiar voice from behind me interrupted my thoughts. "What are you doing here?"
What is 'she' doing here? She should be at work. This is going to cause some issues. I wonder how Rachel is going to deal with this one?
I was faced away, but straightening up, I turned and smiled weakly at my Mum.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 38
I'm wearing trousers, so mum shouldn't see anything strange there. My coat is quite thick, so that should hide my breasts. My hair might not help much. It is longer and differently styled then when I lived with my parents. I hope she doesn't notice.
"Hello David," Mum started cheerfully, then abruptly stopped. She looked over me, her face with a slight frown. "No, not quite David." She paused and took a breath before asking, "What name do you use?"
"What?" I said lamely, crumpling slightly under my mum's gaze. After a few weeks at school, I felt quite confident in myself, but today all that confidence appeared to have abandoned me.
"The trousers are female cut and I can see the slight bumps under your coat, which is buttoned up on the wrong side. Oh, and your haircut is definitely feminine."
"Umm," I said, looking at Rachel for support. She just indicated for me to carry on. Helen was still holding my hand, giving it an occasional squeeze to let me know she was there. I straightened up and looked my Mum directly in the eye. "The name you gave me, Jayne."
Mum frowned, knowing I was referring to the letter she'd sent. "Didn't I tell you to wait until you'd finished at school? Not everybody is understanding."
"The school is okay with Jayne," said Rachel, talking at last. "The primary aim of the school is to be somewhere the children can learn in a protected environment. David, is still unsure about who he is. He decided to be Jayne for a bit to see what it's like. If he decides to go back to being David, then that is as acceptable as staying as Jayne. All anybody at the school wants is David, or Jayne, to be happy.
"Why are you here, Mum?" I asked, trying to divert everyone from my appearance. "Shouldn't you be at work?"
"Aren't you pleased to see me?" she asked, sounding hurt.
"Of course I'm happy to see you, but I don't want you in trouble."
"Oh, I'm not. I got a phone call from a nice man. He said you were going to be here about this time. Anyway, I'm missing study time, not work. It is all in the letter I sent yesterday, but I doubt you will have got it yet. I'm trying to catch up on the education I missed and this afternoon was home study."
"Jayne and Helen, would you please wait in the car," interrupted Rachel. "Mrs Grant and I need to have a little chat." Rachel threw her car keys to Helen, who deftly caught them.
Mum seemed different, more alert and shrewder than I remember her. I wonder what had been happening in her life. Perhaps she has moved on, like I have. One thing is for sure, people change. Helen and I walked briskly to the car, not saying anything, but we could feel the buzz emitting from each other. Once in the car, and the doors shut, we looked at each other and said excitedly, "Another leak!"
"But this one seems aimed at us," I pointed out. "Why?"
"I've no idea, but only a few people knew we were coming here today. That must narrow down the list."
"Who knew?"
"Well, Rachel for one," said Helen. "I presume Mr Hobson knew."
"And Rachel was on the phone when we were at the service station," I pointed out. "Do you think she could have leaked it?"
"Until we know who else knew, it is difficult to say. However, we do need to let Stacy know. She can start making discrete enquires at her end."
"There might be one thing that the leaker doesn't know. The company my Mum works for is a bit paranoid. All phone calls are logged and those without caller ID are recorded."
"Sounds like something The Manor teams could find," thought Helen aloud. "So far it very much looks like a Hayfield leak, rather than anybody at The Manor. Your Mum seems to have taken things well."
"I suppose. She's had that experience when she was younger and recently she was having counselling about it. Before I left, Mum didn't seem interesting in learning. I wonder if the counselling is stopping her blaming herself for her sister's death."
"It's nice that you think of James like that. I wonder what his female name was."
"If we get chance, we can ask her. If not, I can ask in the next letter," I responded. "Now, while Rachel isn't here, let me try and get hold of Stacy."
"Won't it be orchestra practice?" said Helen.
"Yes, that is why I'm sending her a text message. I'm sure she will ask for a break."
I sent the message. "Another leak. At grave of my uncle who committed suicide and my mum appeared. She said someone had rung to let her know. Please ring for more info."
Suddenly, Helen asked, "Why didn't you say goodbye to your mum, just in case she doesn't come back to the car?"
"Because ..."
"Because of what?" Helen asked, puzzled.
"Because it would have been too hard for me. I'm sure I would have started to cry, and that would probably give mum a clue," I said, starting to tear up. "I doubt Rachel is going to tell my mother that we will never see each other again. Mum would have a cow."
At that moment, the phone decided to ring. I couldn't talk in the state I was in, so passed my phone to Helen.
"Hi Stacy," said Helen. "No, Jayne is a bit tearful at the moment, just telling me how she daren't say goodbye to her mum, as she would get a big clue. I think only a few people knew where we were going today, that might be a big clue. Also, one for The Manor team. It seems the company where Jayne's mum works, records all unidentified calls. They might have the voice recorded."
Helen listened for a minute and passed the phone to me.
"Hi Stacy," I said, trying to make my voice sound normal.
"Don't worry Jayne. We will get whoever's doing this. You are the third pupil they've terrorised and I think we've got more to go on."
"Be careful who you tell," I sniffed. "Try and keep it with the Manor, just in case. Also, Rachel made a phone call when we stopped about ten thirty."
"I'll check. I doubt it's Rachel, but we can't tell. Have a safe journey back."
I snuggled up to Helen and waited for Rachel's return. It felt nice to have her comforting arms around me. I was glad of the warm coat, as the car started to get cold.
"Helen, have you started the car in your driving lessons yet?" I asked.
"Sure, why?"
"Because I'm beginning to get very cold and was wondering if you could start the engine without causing the car to move."
"Oh, right," she said, jumping out of the car and entering the driver's seat. After making sure it wasn't in gear, she started the engine. As the car started to warm up, her phone rang.
"Hi Rachel," said Helen quickly answering her phone. "No, Jayne was starting to get a bit cold, so I started the engine. Okay, see you in a few minutes."
Helen hung up the phone. "Seems your mum nearly died when she saw the car start. Rachel calmed her down by explaining that I was safe to drive."
"Safe? Mum knows that you're my age."
Helen shrugged her shoulders, but stayed in the driver's seat until Rachel turned up. She was alone.
"What happened?" I asked, with mixed feelings. Sadness, because I didn't get to see Mum one more time, and relief, as I'm not sure how I'd have coped having to say goodbye, knowing the awful truth.
"Everything is fine. She hopes you have a happy Christmas. She knows to keep what she saw to herself and I think there is little danger to the school."
"But what about seeing her again?" I asked. "How much did you tell her?"
"Just that you will be at the school every day until you finish. She understands that she won't see you until then. She is just starting to get over James's death. I didn't think giving her any other information would achieve anything."
Internally I agreed, but I couldn't say that to Rachel. I hated the thought of mum looking forward to the day she'd see me again, and having her hopes dashed. Would it be as bad for her as it was losing James?
"I don't think it would be wise to tell anybody else about bumping into my mother," I said to Rachel. "I wouldn't want others to think the school was in danger."
Helen had her arms around me as we pulled out of the car park. I started crying again as we drove past my mother, knowing this would probably be the last time I saw her for many years.
"I remember someone telling me to look forward, not back," Helen said eventually.
I gave her a little smile, remembering back to our first day at school. "I think it is sometimes easier to tell someone, that than live up to it, but you are right, I have to look forward. I've missed two days of orchestra practice and if I'm not careful, I'll lose the principle French Horn slot."
"I doubt that," laughed Helen, glad to see I was thinking of something else other than today's outing.
I had an idea, based on what Matilda did when the Americans' first arrived. I pulled out my PDA and started tapping away. I sent a note to Julia, informing her about what I planned and started preparing to send a copy of the practice to my PDA. Helen and I could then listen to the practice and hear any issues that we needed to know. Julia came back quickly, agreeing to it as long as the output only went to my PDA, and not the entire schools.
When Rachel realised that the music emanating from my PDA was the practice, she looked shocked. "How did you do that?" she asked, her eyes wide open.
"I used an idea that Matilda did the other week, though it is just coming out of mine.
"Do you mind turning it up?" she asked, sounding rather excited. "I rarely get to hear you all play."
I shrugged and turned up the volume. I suppose the last time she'd heard us play, apart from the few minutes the other week, when Matilda had done the same thing, but to all PDA's, was in France. Rachel was treating this very much as a treat.
They were practicing the final movement of Beethoven's ninth symphony. There was only an occasional interruption, where Lewis highlighted an issue. I'd played it so much, I knew the music off by heart and could visualise my part as the music progressed. From the look on Helen's face, she was doing the same.
When it ended, Rachel had a look of sheer enjoyment on her face. "I don't know how you and the choir do it, but that was wonderful. The amount of energy and feeling you all put into it. I feel very honoured that I was able to hear you again."
"Really?"
"Really. One of the things I like to do is go to concerts. I don't think I've heard a better performance."
"I suppose it's all the practice we do. I'm sure the professional orchestra's can pick up the music a lot quicker than we can."
"Probably," Rachel agreed. "However, you are young and still learning. When you finish the school, I'm sure you will find it much easier to learn the pieces."
"Rachel," I asked, after terminating the sound link from the finished rehearsal. "Did you know what James's femme name was?"
"No, sorry I don't. Your mum never told me, and it was obviously something too painful to ask her. Why?"
"I just thought after seeing the small sign mum had created, saying she wish she'd known her sister more, it would be more respectful to refer to Uncle James in the female, like you did with Tina. If you didn't know, I planned to write to mum to ask her, but I don't want to upset her. She seems to be doing a lot more with her life than she used to."
"That sounds like a nice idea, but why don't you wait until you've received the letter she's sent, so you can also respond to that."
We knew the journey was going to take a few hours, so we settled back to listen to music, play games and chat. It was nice to talk with Rachel in a neutral setting, about things in general, rather than issues we were suffering from. I would never have thought that Rachel liked to read lightweight romance novels, such as Mills and Boon, and go to things like Abba tribute concerts.
"You'll be telling me next that you've heard of The Scissor Sisters," said Helen, having downloaded the album from the school. She was listening to it on her PDA.
"I saw them doing a special on MTV the other month," laughed Rachel. "A shame all the men in it are gay. They look really great."
"They are?" I asked, surprised.
"Yup. Oh, do you know their next album is due out in the middle of next year?"
"I did, but I'm surprised you'd even heard of them," I said.
"Why?"
"I never thought you would be into stuff like that."
"Hey, I deal with children, it helps knowing what you lot enjoy. It's great that I enjoy it too, but Abba is much nicer. Okay, a quiz for you. What does the name of the band signify? The first one to find out is the winner."
Helen and I were both on our PDA's in a flash, with Rachel giggling slightly in the background at our antics. I thought about diverting some of Helen's bandwidth to my PDA to give me an advantage, but decided I'd beat her fair and square.
"You've got to be kidding," Helen suddenly exclaimed. "Are you trying to corrupt us?"
I'd found the reference just after Helen, and launched into a coughing fit. "Rachel, you don't teach sex-education classes, do you?"
"Not at all, though questions and issues do come up in student conversations. We normally don't run the classes until year-two, but I think we might be running them after Easter, for you lot."
"I thought sex wasn't allowed?"
"It isn't, but it is a statutory lesson that we have to teach. Since everyone in year-one sleeps with their partners, I think doing it earlier would be advisable. At Hayfield, we take our sex education lessons a lot further than other schools. We don't just talk about sex, but also about babies, birth, periods, and self gratification."
"Periods?" I squeaked. "I don't need to know about that, do I?"
"Does Helen have them?" Rachel asked me.
I glanced at Helen, who was red with embarrassment. "I think so," I responded.
"You don't know?" queried Rachel. "But how will you know when she needs extra comfort or extra time in the bathroom?"
"Oh," I blushed. Perhaps I'm not doing very well as a partner.
"Partners are supposed to be there for each other. If you don't understand what Helen is going through, how can you be sympathetic?"
"But it will be embarrassing having males in the class as we discuss it," uttered Helen.
"Okay Helen, who in your year should be in the lesson?" asked Rachel.
"Paula, Anna," started Helen who then paused. "I don't know."
"What about Emma?" Rachel prodded.
"Well, she isn't going to get periods, is she?"
I took a deep breath to rebuke Helen, but Rachel said, "David, wait until afterwards. So Helen, should Lewis have lessons about periods?"
"No," said Helen screwing up her face. "It would be like having a boy in the class."
"But Lewis still has periods, though they will probably stop soon with the medication he's started. What about Sam?"
"I don't know." Helen clenched her fists, sounding very frustrated. "I don't know."
"Don't you think it would help Emma so that she understands from people like you what it is like to have a period? When she is older, she is probably going to work in a company where they don't know her past. It would be helpful for her to be able to at least know what's happening, so it doesn't out her."
"I didn't think of that," said Helen, after taking a few deep breaths. It was nice to see that she was mixing her male and female sides, and not hiding her masculine side like she used to.
"Do you think you'll be able to help the others that need your knowledge?" Rachel asked gently. At no point had Rachel raised her voice, but I began realising how carefully she'd steered the conversation.
"I suppose I wasn't thinking," said Helen. "Periods are a very private thing. My mum taught me to keep things like that to myself."
"So, who do you get to teach? Dr Ruth?" I asked, trying to take the pressure off Helen.
"What a great idea," said Rachel, allowing the topic to change slightly. "She's great at talking about things like masturbation."
"I was only kidding," I said, horrified.
"So was I," laughed Rachel. "I just wish I wasn't driving and could have seen your face."
I thought about throwing something at Rachel, but since she was driving, I decided it might not be wise.
I decided it would be safer not to continue this conversation, so rang the joint head of year-D. "Hi Melissa. I said I'd give an update when I knew when we would be home. We should be home about eight. Would you let everyone know?"
"Sure, how was the day?"
"Hard. I wouldn't say this had been a pleasure trip."
"Speaking of taking a pleasure trip, we have one tomorrow," she informed me.
"That will be nice. Is it the chocolate factory?" I said, trying to remember the list.
"Yes. Erika is getting so excited. I may need some tranquilisers for her"
"I heard that!" Erika called out, obviously close to Melissa.
"Sounds like an early night will be needed. After yesterdays late night, we will all be tired."
An early night? I think that me uttering those words were a jinx. After I'd finished on the phone, Helen and I got a message that Stacy would come and see us at just past ten. At least we wouldn't be breaking curfew, but it certainly wouldn't be an early night.
"Ah, home at last," said Helen, as the car turned through the gates, which closed once we'd passed through.
"Why don't you let the rest of your year know you are nearly home?" suggested Rachel.
I looked at Helen, who had a tired look on her face. "I think we'll just sneak in and surprise them," I said, not wanting a big fuss like what happened with Jessica. "Anyway, we are nearly there now."
"Leave the basket," said Rachel, as Helen went to grab it. "I'll take it back to the kitchen. You run along."
As we walked towards the door, I turned and said to Rachel, "I think I learnt a lot today. Thank you for taking us on what was your day off."
"How did you ... ? Never mind. Run along before I take you on a more thought provoking trip."
Helen and I laughed, as we again headed towards the school entrance.
Home sweet home.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 39
"Hey, why didn't you say you were nearly here?" asked Jessica, as we walked into our year room.
"We didn't want to disturb you," I said.
"And we didn't want a big show," added Helen. "Today hasn't been a nice day and we are both exhausted. We just popped in to say we were back before getting an early night."
"I hope you feel better in the morning," said Anna, before anybody could ask us what had upset us.
"Thanks," I said, trying to smile. I think that if anybody had asked what we'd seen, I would have burst into tears.
Once we got back in my room, I sent Stacy a small text. "We're home, and worn out. Can you see us now, instead of later?"
A few seconds later, Stacy responded letting us know she would be about five minutes.
We sat on my little settee, snuggled together while we waited for Stacy. I still felt really down about things and wasn't sure what to do. The long drive had given me a lot of time to think. I don't think I was suicidal, because I certainly didn't want to end up in a grave marked Jayne. The only other male on the beta team was Andy; maybe he could help. Grabbing my PDA, I quickly sent a message to Stacy asking if Brenda could also come.
"What are you thinking about?" Helen asked, as I sent the second message to Stacy.
"Er, well ... it's hard to explain," I said, worried what Helen would say.
"You think Brenda might be able to help?" Helen queried, peering at my PDA.
"I don't know, but she's been here longer than both of us. I'm just worried, confused and a little scared."
"I think I understand," Helen said slowly. "Look, I'm going to get more upset if you try to hide your worries from me. I think you are worried that I'm going to be upset by what you are thinking."
I blushed.
"You're so cute when you do that," smiled Helen.
"I don't want to be cute though," I sighed, pulling away angrily. I thought Helen understood.
"Sorry," murmured Helen, sounding hurt. "I didn't mean anything bad."
I didn't get a chance to respond, as there was a knock on the door. Since I was the closest, I went to answer.
"Wow, did we come at a bad time?" asked Stacy, as I ushered them in.
"Probably," I forced out between clenched teeth. I was still trying to get control by slowly counting to ten. I indicated that they should sit on the settee. I went and sat on the edge of the bed. Helen just hovered, not knowing what to do.
"I think you need to get your issues sorted before we chat," said Stacy. "You won't be able to concentrate on anything until then. And there is no way you should go to bed in that mood."
"Oh God, no way should you do that," said Brenda. "Stacy and I did that once and it then it just festered for days."
"Are you now Relate councillors?" Helen snapped, not happy that others were interfering in our squabble.
"Just trying to offer unwanted advice," shrugged Brenda. "So, I bet you also don't want to tell us what happened."
"Not really," said Helen. "I also don't want to get in an argument with you. I remember our last chat, Stacy."
"I think I went for a five mile run to get that out of my system," said Stacy. "I hate fights like that, so pointless."
"I just wish Andy was here," I mumbled, breaking the awkward silence.
Brenda and Stacy swapped surprised glances.
"I'm the same person," Brenda pointed out.
"That's not what I meant," I cried in frustration.
"What did you mean?" asked Helen, still not moving. She sounded more normal.
"What's up?" came Andy's voice. I gave a small jump, as it seemed very out of place to hear a distinctly male voice emanating from a girl. I don't think that Helen was expecting it either, as she looked quite disturbed.
"Andy," I started, closing my eyes so I only dealt with the voice I could hear, rather than the pretty young woman that was sitting in front of me. "Did you ever feel that you were under pressure to stay female?"
"I-" started Stacy and Helen at the same time.
"Why don't you two go next door?" interrupted Andy, before Stacy and Helen could continue. "David and I need to have a talk, man to man."
"But-"
"It's a man thing," Andy continued, not letting Stacy say anything. "Now shoo."
When the interconnecting door closed, Andy said, "Look David, why don't you lie down. This could take a while, and is likely to be hard for you."
"Hard?" I quivered, lying down. I grabbed a pillow and hugged it. I wished I was hugging Helen instead.
"Yes, because you have the wrong idea about a lot of things. The school doesn't change the person you are. I'm me and I always will be. You are you, and always will be. The school is here to help you learn through their unique educational methods. One of the many things that students learn here, what they don't learn in a standard school, is who they are. Many people don't discover things about themselves until they are adults, or even when they retire. Heck, life is a constant learning experience and we are only just beginning."
"Okay, but why is that going to be hard on me? I'm fine. However, you haven't answered my question."
"I've not finished. You are learning the scholastic things, but you aren't learning about yourself."
"I am," I protested.
"No, you're not," retorted Andy, in a calm and firm voice. "You are going through the motions. You're going through the lessons, but you're not learning from them. You are hearing, but not listening. You took the male lessons, but you instantly dismissed them. You didn't even try experimenting with what you learned, or altering it to find out what it means to be male. The same with being female, you accept that for part of the time you are female, especially for going on field trips, but then you don't try to learn how you feel about it."
"But I'm happy being as I was before I came to this school," I retorted.
"Really, were you actually living your life, or were you just existing?"
Just existing? I'd heard that before. I wracked by brain, trying to think where. It quickly came to me, my interview with Rachel, just before I was accepted at the school. I began to think back to before I joined the school.
"David? ... David?"
"Huh?" I said, the voice jarring me out of my thoughts.
"You start out shaking and crying slightly, but then you went quiet, and I was worried."
"I was remembering back to when I had my interview. I remember thinking how I'd just been surviving and not really living before coming here."
"Why was that?"
"Because I lived in my room. I had no interests, or hobbies, apart from computers; no friends, nothing really to live for. I would often get beat up, and only people like my brother would save me."
"Yet you didn't try to commit suicide then, so why did you here, where none of that is happening?"
"Because I saw even less future."
"Less?"
"I thought everyone wanted me to be a girl," I said, after a momentary pause.
"You still do though."
"Not really."
"Not really?" Andy asked. I took a peek and saw a surprised girl sitting on the couch. I quickly closed my eyes again. "Then why was your question at the beginning about pressure to stay female?"
Damn, why did Andy have such a good memory!
There was a sharp knock on the main bedroom door and before I could react, Dr Ruiz burst through the door.
"What's going on?" a breathless Rachel said, full of concern. "The remote monitoring of your vital statistics showed alarming values."
"David here wanted a little chat, man-to-man," said Brenda, still using Andy's voice.
Rachel's eyebrows shot into her fringe at the strange situation.
"Helen and Stacy are next door if you want to make sure they're okay," said Andy, making shooing motions towards Helen's room. "I'll let you know when we've finished our chat so any other raised levels after then can be appropriately acted upon."
"Okay," she replied suspiciously. "Just remember, I'm available if needed."
When Rachel had disappeared through the interconnecting door Andy continued, "Now, where were we ... oh yes, you were denying that you still thought that everyone wanted you to be a girl. David, I can't help you unless you want me to. Do you want my help?"
"No ... yes ... I don't know." I was becoming frustrated and in my usual way, my moist eyes started to turn into waterfalls.
"David, are you happy at presenting as a girl?"
"I can do it."
"But are you happy doing it. Does it feel right to you?"
"No," I sobbed.
"Okay, are you happy at presenting fully as a boy, where everyone thinks you are a boy?"
"No, not really, it feels wrong."
"Okay, then how about how you are normally. Presenting yourself as a boy, but people mistaking you as a girl?"
"No, that isn't right either," I replied, trying to calm down.
"Then why aren't you experimenting to find out what does make you happy?"
"Because I was born as I am. Isn't it wrong to change that?"
Andy gave a yell of frustration, which caused me to open my bleary eyes and look. All I saw was a man in women's clothes, pacing the room. There was certainly nothing feminine about the walk.
Eventually Andy must have calmed down, as he turned and said, "Do you then think what Stacy did was wrong?"
"No, not at all. I think she is very brave. I just can't see me changing my body."
"Has anybody asked you to?"
"To what?"
"To physically change your body?" Andy explained patiently. His calm attitude was driving me nuts.
"Well, no, but-"
Andy didn't let me finish, "Has anybody asked you to take medication to stop you from developing?"
"No, but-"
"Has anybody told you that you can't be anything you want?"
"No."
"Then why do you think that everyone wants you to be a girl?"
"Because I always end up as Jayne."
"Didn't Rachel try to talk you out of going on this trip as Jayne? Didn't Stacy tell you that you didn't have to?"
"I suppose."
"And wasn't it you who decided to go as Jayne? Only last night, weren't you given a get out?"
"It wouldn't have been right to take it. It wouldn't have been fair on the others."
"What others?"
"People who wanted to travel in a different gender than they are."
"Do you really think that there was anyone who didn't know and weren't in the appropriate gender when Mr Hobson made his announcement? It sounds to me like you're just using that as an excuse."
"I just want to be with Helen, okay," I reluctantly explained, turning red. I'd managed to stop crying, but still felt fragile.
"Now that sounds more like the truth. You can be back dressed in whatever manner you want after you're back from Russia. Now to answer your question, I know who I am inside; I'm Andy. When I'm dressed as Brenda, it is just that, clothes, with a bit of makeup and acting thrown in for good measure. Nobody at this school has ever asked me to physically change who I am."
"So just because I'm in the beta team —" My voice trailed off.
"Nobody is going to ask any more of you than any other student, well in your physical situation, anyway. It has been traditional that the beta team goes abroad as female, and if we are needed while abroad, we can all dress in male clothes, adding a good disguise. Stacy saw how much this was causing you trouble, so she changed things to give you the option."
"And you are staying male?" I again asked.
"Too damn right I am," Andy said with much feeling. "I like my male bits, and I think Stacy does too."
"You've had sex?" I asked, my eyes now wide open in surprise.
"Ooh, you're getting kinda nosey now. But to answer your question, no, it is far too early for Stacy."
"But, isn't it against the rules."
"Sure, but didn't Stacy once tell you that it was one of the rules that no student ever manages to keep?"
"But don't they all get punished?"
"Only if they are caught, and most students aren't naive enough to go round with a silly grin on their face."
I blushed. Yes, Helen and I did have silly grins.
"We didn't actually have proper sex," I protested.
"Wow, you missed out there, or so I hear. Until Stacy had her op, we just had to improvise."
"Improvise?" I queried, my mind going into overdrive. "Never mind, I don't think I want to know. Anyway, when I tried, I nearly puked."
"Too much excitement?"
"I'd never thought of that, but I doubt it. Every time I get aroused, I feel ill."
"Bummer. That must really suck. Have you talked to Rachel about it?"
"We started to discuss it, but Helen and I were really tired and we both fell asleep on Rachel's settee."
Andy burst out into howls of laughter. I'm glad our rooms are soundproofed, or Andy would have woken up half the school. Unfortunately, the rooms connecting study partners aren't soundproofed, so Helen and Stacy heard and came charging though the door.
Andy had just started to gain some self-control, but when he saw Helen he started howling again.
"Are you finished?" asked Helen.
"Not quite," guffawed Andy. "I couldn't imagine what Rachel would have said about that."
"About what?" Stacy enquired.
"About falling asleep in Rachel's office."
The laughter must have been contagious, as Stacy started tittering away. Helens spluttering didn't help. I suppose looking back it was funny. I wonder what my vital statistics were telling Rachel, as I joined in with the merriment.
Stacy and Helen disappeared back to Helen's room, and Andy became much more serious.
"You can't live your life like you are doing, or you will go nuts."
"I think I'm already nuts to talk to you about this. So, what do you suggest?"
"You need to experiment a bit, to find out what makes you happy in life."
"I've tried the most obvious three things and I don't think Sam's solution is down my street either."
"Sam's solution?"
"Never mind. Sam will tell the rest of the school when ready. Heck, Sam only just told the rest of us last week."
"Oh, not the androgynous thing then?"
Damn, I'll have to do better than that. I can do better than that.
"Look, why don't you come and see me tomorrow?" Andy suggested. "I think I can kick off some major experimenting."
"Tomorrow's our years trip out to Cadbury World."
"Ah, what I have planned might not be a good idea if you are going out. Well, let's get together the day after and we can see what I can do to help you."
"Thanks, I think," I said, slightly nervous about what Andy had up his sleeve.
"Do you mind if I switch back to Brenda's voice?" Andy asked.
"Oh sure, thanks for being so understanding."
"Are you going to be okay?"
"I think so. I don't plan to do anything silly."
"That's what everyone says when they plan to do something silly," said Brenda gravely. The she called loudly, "Honey, we're finished."
"I'm sorry I snapped earlier," I said to Helen, as she came through the door.
"I'm sorry I called you cute," she responded.
"Oh, but Jayne, you are cute," teased Brenda, her eyes twinkling.
"Sorry about taking up so much of your time," I apologised.
"I'm just glad you are asking for help when you need it," said Stacy. "You've already given guidance to some in your year, though you do have a pretty sensible bunch. You need to do the same for others."
"I'm learning," I said, then changing the subject. "Now, did you have an update on the phone call?"
"Yes," said Stacy, a change coming over her as she became more businesslike. "You were right, the phone call was recorded and we were easily able to retrieve the message. It was analysed and it wasn't the voice of anybody at the school."
"Oh," said Helen, sounding disappointed.
"Stacy has more though," I said, looking at Stacy.
"Yes, the person might not work at the school, but the voice is known. His name is Louis Jumelet, and works for someone only known as The Supplier. If it is The Supplier that is behind this, then the theory is that he is protecting whatever deal he has arranged."
"It doesn't help us find the leak though," said Helen.
"No, it doesn't, but now we know a little more than we did. We do know that The Supplier likes to work behind the scenes, and get others to do his dirty work. For him and his team to be involved so closely, must mean that he is very nervous."
"Are we in danger?" I asked.
"We being the Beta team, or the students?"
"I was thinking of the students."
"When you told me earlier what had happened, I spoke with Mr Hobson about this. If there was any danger to students, we wouldn't be going to Russia."
"But isn't the trip very important?" Helen queried.
"Yes, but Mr Hobson would never put people in danger. Heck, I really don't think he likes the beta team concept."
I inwardly breathed a sigh of relief. I would hate anybody to get hurt, especially Helen.
"Does anybody else know about today?"
"Just Kriss and the person she got to do the search. We reported the results to Mr Moore, but that is it."
"Not even Mr Hobson?"
"No, Mr Moore can do that. I don't like going behind Mr Hobson's back, but today there were so few people that knew where you were going."
"What about Rachel?" Helen asked.
"She only made one call today and that was at the time you saw her on the phone. She called someone here, rather than someone external."
"Could the person have rung someone else?" I said, sounding rather paranoid. "Anyway, who was it? You sound like you're hiding something."
Stacy grimaced and reluctantly said, "She rang Julia. Matilda was with her at that time, and confirmed to Kriss what the call was about."
"Oh," I said, looking down at my lap.
"Indeed," said Stacy, gravely. "Please let me know how things go between you and Julia over the next few days."
"Talking of Matilda, I have a question," I said, trying to get off the thoughts of how I'd disappointed Julia. "It seems June not only gave me early lessons, but did the same for Matilda. RJ, Julia's opposite number at The Manor, seemed to think it wouldn't be a bad idea for Matilda to meet June. Do you think it is and what do you think Mr Hobson and Mr Moore would say?"
"Have a quick word with Kriss in the morning, but I think it would be a good idea. If Kriss agrees, then you need to approach Mr Hobson and Mr Moore. Even though Matilda isn't part of the Beta team yet, she already knows about what's going on at the Manor. "
"She also knows who the Beta team is here," I interrupted. "She didn't say it in so many words, but she discreetly let me know she knew. Yet she also knows how to keep quiet."
"God, that girl will be the death of me," moaned Stacy.
I had to laugh. It seemed the others did too, as we all giggled.
"Anything else?" asked Brenda.
"Can I go to bed now?" I asked.
"Sorry, Stacy is already taken," responded Brenda.
I looked shocked, until Brenda gave me a wink, and Stacy gave Brenda what looked like a firm punch in the arm.
"I'll let Rachel know we are leaving," said Brenda, as they got up to leave.
"It seems strange, but I'm sort of glad I'm being monitored," I said, as Helen and I snuggled down in bed. "It feels nice that the school cares that much."
* * *
"Ah Jayne, come on in," said Mr Hobson, indicating I should sit on the settee. Mr Moore was already sitting on one of the seats. "You said you wanted to see us both about something?"
"Yes, but before I get to that, I'm sorry that I caused you both hassles the other night."
"I'm just glad you're alive," said Mr Hobson. "I'd rather deal with a suicidal student than a dead student."
"I would rather nobody got suicidal," said Mr Moore, "but I was always a dreamer."
"So how are you feeling now, and I don't mean embarrassed and wishing you weren't in here?" queried Mr Hobson, genuinely wanting to know how I felt.
"Yesterday was hard, but I think I learnt a lot from it. And yes, I thought about just sending you both a message, but I thought it was more polite to see you."
"It is certainly more personal," agreed Mr Hobson. "So, what did you want to see us about?"
"It concerns Matilda," I started. Both the heads sat up straight and looked at me earnestly. "Are you both aware that she had extra lessons like I did, before starting school?"
"I'd read about it when I joined the school," said Mr Moore. "Seems RJ was rather surprised about it when he found out."
"Yes, sorry about that. I'm not sure how RJ got missed there," apologised Mr Hobson.
Mr Moore just waved it away. Those two seemed to get on rather well. "Well, it seems that the person who taught her was the same person that taught me. I met her the other month and I think it might help Matilda if she was to meet her 'teacher'."
"Help in what way?" asked Mr Moore.
"Matilda still has issues with her height and June isn't that tall. It would also help Matilda learn more than she does, in a controlled way, rather than her discovering things by chance. It helped me understand some little mysteries of my past."
"Her frustration about her lack of height is something we haven't been able to do anything about. It has been very frustrating for Ellen and a challenge for Dr Harris" Mr Moore pondered. "Quentin, June was your student, are you okay with the two of them getting together?"
"Was, is the operative word. I don't have any problems with it. At the end of the day June has to agree. Knowing June, she'll probably agree and come up with some totally outrageous plan. I'll contact June while you are on your trip. I'm sure you'll get to chat with her later."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 40
I had pictures in my head of Willy Wonka's chocolate factory from the Tim Burton film; this was nothing like it. There was no chocolate river and certainly no edible grass inside. The smell though was something else. The fragrance of warm, sweet chocolate hung in the air as we entered the visitor attraction. We'd already been warned that we would only see the packaging part of the factory, and not any of the secret production areas.
As with any place like this, there always had to be some educational element, which in this case started with the history of chocolate. They even had a small liquid sample of how it used to be made as a drink.
"That was disgusting," Helen gagged, after taking a sip.
"It can't be that bad, surely," said Erika, before she took a small taste. "I take that back," she said holding her hand over her mouth and going slightly green.
I just smiled and avoided the offered sample. I'm sure that Helen will tell me that I'd missed out on a life experience. Yeah right.
"Would you like some chocolate?" a young woman asked as we moved on. She was wearing a Cadbury World uniform, so I presumed it was safe.
"It doesn't taste like that other sample, does it?" Brian asked rather sourly. It sounded like he wished he'd resisted earlier.
"No," she laughed. "This is our regular stuff."
"Okay," we responded eagerly and took the free bars.
"Hey, you shouldn't have it," said Melissa. "You don't have a nasty taste to get out of your mouth."
"True," I agreed, quickly taking a bite. "But I'm hungry. Doesn't that count?"
The tour was great, and quite an eye opener. Prior to going on the tour, I hadn't any idea how they made chocolate, now I knew some. They kept us supplied with chocolate as we went round and after we'd finished the tour, we didn't feel like having any lunch.
"So Erika, did you enjoy it?" asked Melissa, as we made our way back to the coach. After all, it was Erika who so much wanted this trip.
"I could have stayed there all day." Erika sighed with happiness. "When we moved back to the states, I never thought I would get to see it. I know it isn't quite Christmas, but to me this is the best present I've ever received. That warm fresh chocolate we got to sample at the end, wow."
"Do you miss living in England?" asked Martha.
"A bit. Life was certainly a simpler back then. I don't know, but I'm sure things would have gotten complicated even if I'd stayed in England."
"Why?"
"I'd started to learn about myself and what I wanted. Also, my Dad's job changing has had a big impact."
"Did you have to join the school?" I wondered out loud.
"No, I was back in a normal school and took the tests like everyone else. Dad was horrified when I got asked for the interview. It seems Ellen had to have a long talk with him to explain that personal involvement by him wasn't allowed. Now I understand why he was so upset about me joining." Erika seemed a bit down as she talked about her dad.
"Didn't your mum know?" Helen asked.
"It seems that he keeps what happens at the school to himself. Heck, I don't think she knows that she will never see me again."
I saw a solitary tear gently trickled down her left cheek. It looked like Martha was the only other person that noticed, and she mouthed, "I love you," to her partner.
It was the middle of the afternoon when we got back home, just in time for orchestra practice. We only had thirteen days before we set off for Moscow and our practices had been increased to twice a day, morning and afternoon.
"Did you have a good time at Cadbury World?" Brenda asked, as I drained my French horn of accumulated moisture.
"Yeah, it was great, but if you go, stay away from the sample of chocolate they have at the start of the tour. It is supposed to be how chocolate used to taste; it's bitter, and not nice."
"Thanks, I'll remember that," she said. "What about the rest?"
"Interesting, educational and lots of chocolate to munch on as we went round."
"Sounds like a place to visit," agreed Brenda. "Especially if you get lots of chocolate to eat."
"So what do you have in mind for freeing my inhibitions?" I queried, thinking back to her promise from the previous night.
"Sorry, but you will have to wait until after the trip; Rachel insisted. She said she didn't want to risk you getting upset so close to the trip. Afterwards we can have some fun, but Rachel will want to see you frequently to make sure you're okay."
"Oh joy," I moaned. "Seeing Rachel 'frequently' is just what I want."
"Haven't you got an appointment with her later to discuss if you go to Moscow as David or Jayne?"
"That's in the morning," I said with relief. "Tonight I'm going to relax and put my feet up. I'm wacked."
"Oh," Stacy said from behind me. I jumped slightly, as I hadn't heard her wander up.
"Oh?" I said, frowning slightly. "Is that an oh, that I'm not going to relax tonight?"
"You can if you want."
"But?"
"June will be here later. I could try and get her to come another day."
"Do you know if she will have set off already?" I queried.
"Probably."
"Then I will be there," I said without hesitation. "I can relax afterwards."
"I'll organise a room," Stacy said. "When I know when she will be here, I'll let you know."
"Okay." I nodded, as Helen wandered up.
"Are you going to be okay with that?" asked Brenda, all serious.
"Yeah, I'll be fine," I said, giving her a thankful smile.
"Is all okay?" Helen asked as we went towards our year room.
"Yeah, I thought I was going to be able to relax later, but it seems June is coming."
"That shouldn't be too bad, should it?"
"I hope not," I said, putting on a smile as we walked into the year room.
"So, did you enjoy your trip?" asked Becky as we waited for year B to arrive for the evening meal. For some reason they were running late.
"Yes, it was great," we chorused.
"Ah, so none of you tried the ancient chocolate then," she smiled. She started to laugh as our faces fell in horror of the thought of the rather bitter tasting chocolate. No wonder modern chocolate has a lot of sugar in it.
Year B arrived, slightly breathlessly, which disturbed our immediate discussion. Once they were settled, Mr Hobson rose.
"Now that the Black Sheep have arrived, I would like to say a few words about the next few weeks. I got chance to hear today's practice, and even to my untrained ear you are sounding great. Therefore, we will be having something a little different planned for Christmas Eve and Boxing Day. For Christmas Eve there will be some outside carol singing, which for the sake of the audience can be in English. I think Hayfield Hall has a little catching up to do get somewhere close to the quality of Immigration Manor, so morning practice will be singing and afternoon will be orchestra practice."
Mr Hobson stopped to take a sip of water. "For Boxing Day, which for our American friends is the day after Christmas Day, we will be doing a special show. You are to perform something lasting no more than twenty minutes. This can be singing, dancing, music, a play or whatever performance you can imagine. You can do this as a team or as an individual. We've not done this for a few years now. Last time we did this, one group of students did Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody. They even dressed so much like them that I thought someone has snuck in the real thing. In hindsight, I should have known better as Freddie Mercury had been dead ten years."
A gentle ripple of laughter flowed around the room, and a few excited conversations started, trying to come up with some ideas of what we could do. An idea started forming in my mind which I knew I'd want to mention to Helen. After all, she might have a better idea than mine.
"Okay, one last thing, Christmas Day. Traditionally we have only had two services, the midnight service and one at ten. However, since this year we have several different religious followings, there will be several different services at different times and places. These details should be available from the twenty-third. Please be aware that there are others here that don't celebrate Christmas, so please be tolerant of that. Any questions? ... No, then enjoy your meal."
As we ate, Emma pondered, "Mr Hobson referred to year B as the Black Sheep; it didn't sound like he was putting them down, but a rather affectionate name."
"Mr Peterson first used it last year, a few months after they started at the Manor," explained Randall. "When Mr Moore took over, the name sort of stuck. It's from some television series."
"Baa Baa Black Sheep?" queried Anna, putting down her PDA.
"Cheat," came the chorus from the table. Anna just shrugged and laughed.
"It seems there is a film with the same name on the list," I said, referring to the film list. "What do you think?"
"It sounds like a nursery rhyme," chortled Helen.
Ken leaned back and passed the message to the second of our year tables. It was agreed, so I grabbed my PDA to arrange for the movie to show in our year room for half-seven. I just hoped that this gave me enough time to sort out the Matilda issue.
"It isn't a film, but a pilot," said Randall.
"So, what is next on your field trip list?" asked Becky as we munched away on our scrumptious food
"We have to do the castle," said Wesley.
"Nah, a theme park," put in Emma
Soon the whole year rhymed off their suggestions. I still think going to a beach in the middle of winter was a mad idea. I think Melissa and Aaron need to keep an eye on Elaine.
As the meal ended, Mr Hobson rose and the room fell silent. "It has come to my attention that the Black Sheep reference has caused many years to want to watch the pilot to the series Baa Baa Black Sheep. Since so many are interested, I will organise it to be shown tonight in our cinema. With our guests, things will probably be slightly cosier than normal. The showing will be starting at about eight, so anybody with a curfew at ten will automatically have it extended."
As we filed out of the dining room, I turned to the others in our year, "Sorry, but I've got a meeting about a Munchkin, so I'll be there a bit later. I just hope I'm in time for the entertainment."
"Don't worry," said Wesley, a twinkle in his eye. "We won't let them start without you."
"Is she in trouble?" asked Carolyn, one of the quieter members of the Manor mob.
"No, just trying to arrange something a bit special for her," I replied, not wanting to give too much away.
"Just make sure it's nice," said Melissa. "She is one special girl."
"Plus, she's great as she never lets anything get in her way," added Tina.
"And she knows more Star Trek quotes than anyone here," piled on Philip.
"Sorry?" queried Wesley indignantly.
"Well, almost anybody," laughed Philip. "You've been so good this trip, I almost forgot you."
I wandered off to the room where my PDA indicated I was to meet June. I still didn't know much about her, apart from that she was the previous Beta One, last year's head student, and the person who had taught Matilda and me more than we ever wanted to know about computers.
"Hey, Jayne," June said, as I tentatively opened the door. "Come on in, shut the door and relax a bit. I'm not going to eat you."
"You look a lot neater than the last time I saw you," I said nervously, sitting down.
"Well that's not a surprise. I was doing some building work at the time," she laughed. She had a nice gentle laugh that immediately put me at ease. "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"
"I believe you might have helped train a young person in America who goes by the name of Matilda."
"I don't know a Matilda," June frowned. "Are you sure it was me?"
"At the time she was called," I took out my PDA and pulled up the relevant page. "Matthias or Matt."
"Oh yes," she said, her eye flashing with recognition. "Matt never told me he was transgendered and had a female name. Throughout all our time online, she never really talked about herself too much, apart from being bullied at school and someone special to her, called Mary Beth."
"Mary Beth was Matilda's friend and protector at school, and unusually got to be her partner at The Manor."
"Study Partner you mean," quickly injected June.
"I know what I said," I responded, quoting Mr Hobson.
June must have recognised it as something Mr Hobson would have said, as her eyes smiled as if she were remembering her time at the school.
"Anything else about Matilda?"
"Her younger sister is also a member of the school, and her mother is one of Immigration Manors general therapy team. Matilda had a minor breakdown about a week ago, regarding missing her mother. Finally, you taught Matilda too well. It seems she has bypassed most of Immigration Manor's security systems and knows the full details about a lot of things she shouldn't. She certainly knew who our Beta team members are."
"She sounds like quite a handful," murmured June. "So, why did you drag me down here?"
"Sorry, I didn't know you were far away. I thought since she was here, and since she already knew most of the details, it would help for her to meet you. I suppose, rather like Stacy introduced you to me."
"That isn't just it, is it?" she said, suddenly leaning towards me, her face not far from mine.
"No, it isn't," I said, trying not to show my alarm at June's sudden motion. "Matilda has many strengths, I think her two strongest are probably her inner strength and her ability to be discreet. However, she seems to have a few issues, such as her height and her inquisitiveness, which needs to be channelled."
"Wow, that’s a great word, inquisitiveness. Have you swallowed a dictionary since joining the school?"
"Nah, I'm just in an environment where I can study and not be afraid that someone will attack me for it."
"I presume you would like me to straighten Matilda out? Come up with some type of evil punishment that the school couldn't possibly do?"
"Er, no," I said, my mind boggling to understand where June was coming from. "I hope you were just joking then. I just thought it would be good for Matilda to meet you, and find out firsthand what she is letting herself in for. Also, you aren't much taller than Matilda, and it might help her self confidence if she could see that being small isn't going to cause an issue."
"Off course I was joking, but seeing your face was well worth it. Let me see how good Matilda is with her own security, instead of hacking others," said June, pulling out a PDA. I got a small glimpse of the screen and smiled to see it was a slightly more advanced version of the ones we'd just purchased and were the ones we weren't allowed to see that Mr Burns had been hiding.
"Still seeing Mr Burns, I see. I think he has been holding out on us."
"Not really. These don't have much more, and are mostly things you wouldn't need, being at school." She fished in her bag and pulled out a rollup keyboard. "This is much quicker for hacking," she laughed while tapping away.
I sat quietly as she tapped away. She muttered a few times, but it wasn't long before she grinned and rolled up her keyboard. "That girl is good at hacking, but she needs to learn a bit about self protection. She probably knows the PDA isn't totally secure, as it looks like she frequently offloads it and purges the contents. That is something you don’t' do, but probably should."
"Very true," I smiled, "but I'm still learning and I don't put anything worthwhile on the PDA."
"You have a suspect list for the leak on there," June pointed out.
Damn, she did have a look around earlier.
I didn't have chance to defend myself as there was a knock on the door. "That's Matilda," I said, having heard her knock a few times.
I got up and opened the door to reveal a rather upset girl.
"What do you think you're doing?" she stormed.
"Not me," I said, standing back. "Matilda, please meet June. June, this is Matilda."
Matilda walked into the room, and I shut the door behind her. "June used to have the handle of hhb401. Prior to that it was hhb303."
Matilda suddenly caught her breath. "It was you that taught me computer systems and networks?" Matilda sounded surprised.
"Yes, it was. I was the student computer expert here for the last few years. Last year I was Hayfield's Beta One, which I'm led to believe you understand. Sorry if I upset you with the way I asked you to come down here, but you need to learn how to protect yourself better than you do."
"Yes, Miss."
"Is that all you can say? I heard you were sharper than that."
Matilda was silent for a few more seconds before asking, "Why you? I mean, why would you have been teaching me instead of someone from The Manor?"
"Probably because at the time I was better than anybody they had over there. It wouldn't have been fair on RJ for him to teach you, and quite frankly, the student expert at The Manor at that time still had a way to go."
I sat there, waiting for the penny to drop, which it didn't take long. "You were training me two years ago, which was before I'd even gone to The Manor. How did you know I was going to be accepted there, or even want to go?"
"Ah, something you didn't find on Joshua. If you would be accepted there wasn't in question. Before I was asked to train you, you had already been screened, and deemed appropriate for the school. At the time, a study partner for you hadn't been selected. They were in that process when the arrangements were made for you to take the girl lessons. The testing you took at that time showed you to be exceptionally intelligent, so when you tried to kill yourself, the school put you into that year, instead of waiting to have you join the following June. According to Mr Moore, you haven't shown them to be mistaken in their judgment."
I gave June a stare. She knew exactly who Matilda was before she'd asked me. It didn't make sense unless — "June, are you testing me?" I queried, while Matilda pondered what she'd just been told.
"Not really, just trying to work you out and give you a little payback for Mr Taylor."
"So what did you want to see me about?" asked Matilda. "It wasn't just to say 'Hi' was it?"
"Partly. I thought it would be nice to meet you, as I'd spent quite some time online with you and wanted to meet you in person. Since you seem to have learnt a lot, I thought it would be nice for you to get to know more without finding it out second hand. To that end, I thought it would be nice if we could go out for the day."
"But what about choir practice?" Matilda queried.
"Oh that was just lame," tutted June. "You have to do much better than that. Don't you want to go out and have a bit of fun?"
"Fun?"
"Sure, just because I've finished school doesn't mean I don't know how to have a good time. Anyway, when I was your age, I'd have loved to skive off for the day."
"Skive?"
"Bunk off school. Miss classes. Get out of school without teachers, etc. So, are you up for it?"
"What would we be doing?" Matilda asked nervously.
"I've got two things in mind, which I want it to be a surprise. The first one shouldn't be a problem and might be in the next few days. The second won't be until after Christmas and I've got to make sure there is room. Let's just say that it is a bit of an adventure. "
"As long as Mr Moore agrees to it, then okay," Matilda reluctantly agreed. "Can MayBee come too?"
"MayBee?"
"Mary Beth."
"I'd rather it just be the two of us. I think we will both get more out of it. Now, tell me more about The Manor. I've never been there, but hear it's a great place."
Matilda seemed to relax a bit as she talked about what had become her home. As she talked about things, I thought it would be nice if our school could visit America at some stage.
My PDA beeped, reminding me it was nearly the time the film was due to be shown.
"Off you go," said June. "I know you have a film this evening and you certainly don't want to miss that. Matilda, I'll let you know when I have the details of our few days of fun."
When we'd left the room and the door had shut behind us, Matilda looked at me and said, "What have you got me into?"
"What do you mean?"
"I'm trying to live a quiet life, you know, staying out of trouble. Trouble seems to follow me enough without anyone's help, and now you've got me going out on special trips with June."
"And?"
"Well ... she might be a psychopath or something."
"She might, but I doubt the school would have her doing what she does, if she was."
"But why tell me what she did? Why want to tell me more things?"
"Because sometimes it's better to know the truth than stumble across it by accident and jump to the wrong conclusion. I'm sure you already know a lot, but maybe not the reasons why. June only hinted at things today, but it sounds like you will know more than me soon."
"Are you going to tell Helen about all of this?"
"Of course, remember, no secrets."
"Don't I know it," Matilda grimaced, before suddenly smiling and rushing off towards the cinema.
That girl will be the death of me. I didn't want to miss the start of the film, so I rushed after Matilda.
* * *
"Okay Jayne," started Helen when we'd got to our rooms that night. It had been a good job that Mr Hobson had extended everyone's curfew, as it was nearly eleven. "What idea did you have for this show on Boxing Day?"
"It was a passing thought," I replied, suddenly unsure if we'd be able to pull it off. Well, me, really. I'd no doubt that Helen wouldn't have any trouble. "Do you have any ideas?"
"Not really. I'd not really had a think; I was relying on your idea."
"Lazy thing," I said, lightly tapping her on the arm. All she did in return was stick her tongue out at me.
"So?" she pressed, giving me a stare that meant I'd better tell her all, or else.
I certainly didn't want a sulky Helen, so quickly gave in and told her. As I explained, her eyes grew wide in surprise and delight.
"You want to do what?" she exclaimed, hardly believing what I'd told her.
"You don't like it then?" I said, slightly upset. I knew I shouldn't have said anything.
"No, it's just a surprise, that's all."
"I remember you saying a few years back how you'd done something similar, and really loved it. Would you be able to teach me in time?"
"No way," Helen said, violently shaking her head. "Perhaps Rachel will know if there is anybody here who can help. That's if you really want to."
I send a very short message to Rachel, asking her if she knew anybody who could give me the lessons I needed. I wanted the rest a surprise. I didn't expect a response until the morning, but in under a minute my phone was ringing.
"Hi Jayne," said Rachel. "I just got your message. Is this for the revue on Boxing Day?"
"Yes."
"I thought so, as it seemed a bit unusual. What do you plan to do, so I can look to see if anybody can help?"
I felt a bit sad that I would have to explain, but I suppose it made sense that I'd need to explain a bit. I told her what I'd told Helen.
"You want to do what?" exclaimed Rachel, sounding surprised.
"Don't you think it will be okay?" I asked worriedly.
"No, it will fit in with what Mr Hobson said," reassured Rachel. "It's just I don't think anybody has done anything like it before."
"Ah, then will you keep the details to yourself?"
"Of course. Have you asked anybody else yet?"
"No, not yet. I wanted to see if it was going to be possible, first."
"Okay, I'll let you know sometime tomorrow morning."
"Well?" Helen asked as I put down my PDA.
"She says she will look into it and will let us know sometime tomorrow morning. She seemed a bit surprised. Do you think this is a good idea?"
Helen sat there for a moment and eventually answered, "Yes. Yes, I do. It'll be something different and it will be nice for you to learn. I just hope you enjoy it as much as me! Now, why don't you find that film you saw it in, and let's see how hard it is."
I pulled up the film list, but when I tried to select it, it wouldn't let me. After a few attempts I noticed that it was a fifteen, so the system blocked us from seeing it, because we were under age.
"I'll have a word with Rachel tomorrow," said Helen. "I'm not sure if that will help though, as we are too young. Perhaps she will be able to just allow me to see the clip."
* * *
"What's wrong?" queried Jill, during breakfast.
"What do you mean?" Helen asked.
"You two keep checking your PDA's every minute. They do ting if you get a message, you know."
"We're waiting to see if we can go ahead with an idea for the Boxing Day performance," I explained.
"Permission?" queried Melissa. "I thought we could do what we wanted, as long as it was a performance."
"Oh, ours is a performance alright," I laughed. "However, I might need some special training if we're going to pull it off."
"Training?" they all asked at once. You could see they were all wondering what we were planning to do.
"Yes, training," said Helen. "And until we know if it is going to work, we aren't saying anything. So, has anybody else had any ideas for what they're going to do?"
"Can people be in several?" Anna asked.
"I hope so," said Erika. "Martha has been asked by so many people to do piano or organ. I'm not sure if she could do any more."
I looked across at Helen. She noticed and patted my knee. We'd been hoping to use Martha as the pianist in our thing. Oh well, it looks like we'd have to ask our star pianist from year two. Being a horn player, so far I hadn't been roped into playing in too many others works. Helen was equally blessed.
Just before lunch, while practicing alone in one of the soundproof practice rooms, my PDA pinged. My playing masked the sound of it arriving, and I hadn't put it on vibrate, so I didn't feel it. Since the PDA wasn't in discrete mode, after ten minutes it played my ringtone and vibrated, giving me a huge shock. These devices were nothing if not persistent. When I read the message, I quickly put my French horn away and reluctantly went to see Rachel, as the message instructed.
The discussion I'd had after breakfast with Rachel wasn't something I wanted to think about and I was still feeling rather sore with her for putting me through that. Now she wanted to see me again. I suspected it was to do with the revue, but I was worried that she might want to bring up my insistence that I go to Russia as Jayne.
"Ah, good of you to join us," said Rachel, as she let me into her office. Helen, who was already there, patted the settee next to her. I felt somewhat safer with Helen in the same room.
"Sorry I'm late. I was practicing and didn't hear the message come through."
"Don't worry," reassured Rachel, with a mischievous smile. "Helen and I had a very interesting conversation while we waited."
I wasn't sure I was very pleased with Rachel's smile. I wonder if they'd been discussing me.
"So, can we?" I asked, referring to the revue. I thought it best to start the subject and then it wouldn't start with reviewing the trip to Russia.
"Yes. Kelly and Simon should be able to help."
I glanced at Helen. She had the same look of surprise on her face, that I'm sure was on mine. She noticed my glance and we both sniggered. Mr Prim and Proper for this? It was like trying to imagine ... My thoughts trailed off. I couldn't imagine anything as improbable.
"Hey, no dissing the helpers," admonished Rachel. "Now they both will be here at two. The location will be sent to you when I've booked the room. Jayne, you are allowed to be David for the rehearsal, but you must change back afterwards. Are you both okay with that?"
We both nodded in agreement.
"Okay, since it is agreed, all you have to do is persuade others to join your revue. I look forward to seeing it. It sounds fun, and from what I've heard about the previous revues, rather unique."
We left Rachel's office, and as the door closed behind us. I felt relieved that Rachel hadn't discussed the Russian trip, but that relief was quickly replaced when the full impact of the revue hit me. "Helen, do you really think we can pull this off?"
"It's a bit late for that now, isn't it? Anyway, yeah, I wouldn't have agreed to your mad idea if I didn't think it would work. Who do you think we should ask?"
"I was going to ask Martha to play the piano, but got put off by Erika's comment at breakfast. Do you think Sophia would agree?"
"I suppose it depends how many have asked," considered Helen. "Violins, I suppose we could ask Sam and Jessica. Do you know any accordion players?"
"No, but Mrs Russell probably will. I'll ask her after lunch. What about Double Bass? Pru?"
"Yeah, keep it in year one and two then."
"As long as they have an accordion player."
"Could we do it without?"
"I suppose so. There are lots of different arrangements. I was just using the one I'd found."
"We'll ask Mrs Russell. In the meantime, let's see what Sophia says."
I sent Sophia a message asking if she would be willing to play piano for our revue. I told her the piece and asked her to keep it to herself. The response was quick: "You're kidding, right?"
After a quick voice call, she agreed to do it and would have a quiet word with Pru. Next on our hit list were Sam and Jessica. We were lucky to see them as we got close to our year room.
"Hi you two," Helen opened.
"Did you get permission?" Jessica asked.
"Yeah. We need two violinists, are you both up for it?"
"Are you sure? You're friends with Stacy, and she is a much better than me," said Jessica.
"We want you two," I responded, not letting Jessica put herself down. I told them what we were going to do and they both burst out laughing. "You're serious, aren't you?" laughed Sam, wiping away the laughter tears.
Perhaps this wasn't my best idea.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 41
Mrs Russell was slightly surprised when we enquired about an accordion player, but when we said it was for the revue, she didn't press further. It seemed we were out of luck at keeping it in our year or the year above, as only two people at Hayfield played the accordion and they were in years three and five.
"Let me have a look at Immigration Manor's list," said Mrs Russell, after seeing Helen's disappointed face. Well okay, our disappointed faces. "We have Matthew in Year E and Jean-Paul in Year H."
I cheered up. "Ooh, thank you Mrs Russell."
"It's my pleasure," she replied giving a bewildered laugh. "Now run along, I've been dealing with these queries all day and Mr Hobson has been nagging me to provide some concert details."
Helen and I didn't really know Mathew, and we had three choices, send him a message directly, ask one of the year E team to introduce us, or ask one in year two to introduce us.
"Hey you two," we heard, as we were scurrying back to our year room, debating between ourselves how we should get in touch with Mathew.
"Oh, hi Fran," we replied, coming to a halt.
"I hear you two have roped Pru and Sophia into your performance. A rather interesting combination, isn't it?"
"I suppose. Talking of the revue, do you know Mathew in your year from The Manor?"
"Sure, do you want to ensnare him, too?"
"Got it in one," Helen laughed. I started laughing too as Fran looked very confused.
"Heck, what on Earth are you planning?" Fran murmured.
"Do you want to tell us what you're doing?" I countered.
"Not a chance," she retorted indignantly, which she spoilt with a huge grin. "I'll get Mathew to send you a text later. I'm off to see Mrs Russell, to see if she can help with something. See you later."
That's one thing I love about this school, everyone will help each other. Even with this revue, there might be friendly rivalry, but none of us take the rivalry seriously.
***
"I've never been upstairs in the education wing," I mentioned when I read where we were going to have our special lessons.
"Well, neither have I, so let's get going and find out what we've let ourselves in for," laughed Helen, giving me a push.
There didn't appear to be many rooms on that floor, or at least not many doors, so we weren't surprised that the room we entered was quite large. What did surprise us were the huge mirrors on the wall.
"Hello again Miss Grant and Miss Jackson," Simon formally greeted us as we entered the room. "Please, take a seat."
"So, what can we do for you?" Kelly asked, as we all sat down on the offered settee. Helen and I shared a surprised glance at Kelly's question. Surely since we were in a dance room, they surely must know why we were there.
"Don't you know?" Helen queried, not masking her surprise.
"We know what we were told, but that doesn't always tell us everything. I thought you two realised how we work from when you've had other lessons with us. Unless you tell us exactly what you want to achieve from these lessons, we might leave something out that would be important to you and you wouldn't get the best out of them."
Simon was nodding sagely in agreement. Thinking back to when I'd had my earlier lessons with Kelly and Simon, I remembered how they were sticklers for detail.
Helen quickly suggested to me, "Why don't you explain? It was your idea,"
"We have this revue, and we have to perform something. We had this idea, but it involves us dancing," I explained.
"That much we knew. However, what we don't know is what type of dancing and have you something specific thing in mind?"
"The tango," muttered Helen, slightly embarrassed.
"Ah, now we're getting somewhere. Anything more specific?" pressed Kelly.
"Por Una Cabeza," I said, after Helen prodded me. "I saw it in two films, Scent of a Woman and True Lies; though it seems the school system won't let us see them because of our age."
"Miss Jackson, if I remember correctly you've danced before, but you haven't Miss Grant. Is that correct?"
"Yes, sir," Helen replied.
"Final question for now, if you don't mind," smiled Kelly. "Are you planning to dance this as two women, two men, or mixed?"
I blinked in surprise. I hadn't thought about the first two choices. "We planned on me being David for it," I quickly said, before Helen got any ideas of us doing it as two women.
"Having a mixed couple certainly makes things easier," Kelly laughed. "You are aware that the tango can be quite a challenging dance, especially for the male lead. Since Helen has some dancing experience, are you sure you don't want to do this as Christopher and Jayne?"
No, not back as Jayne. Is the whole world trying to say that I would be better as a girl? I'm sure that Helen will agree with them.
"No," said Helen, surprising me. "I know I have more experience in dancing, but for the tango, I'm just as much a novice. Would you mind teaching us as Helen and David?"
I love that girl so much and I assumed she would want me to stay as Jayne. How wrong could I have been? I'll have to do something to make it up to her.
"Not at all," said Simon smoothly. "Just be aware it will be more work, especially for David. Now Jayne, since you are currently portraying a female for the field trip, would you like to change here for the practices?"
"Would that be okay?" I asked, my heart beating slightly faster.
"Of course," laughed Kelly. "You won't be the first student that has needed to change here to learn. Simon and I will need a little preparation for this. Why don't you leave us to it, and come back tomorrow at eleven for a proper practice?"
* * *
The school had a very different feel. With no lessons and the impending revue, the normal year boundaries disappeared. What was important was how we could help each other, no matter the age or school. The afternoon orchestra practice just reinforced that feeling, as most of us didn't sit next to anybody from our year. What was important was sound and ability.
That evening, after our meal, the seven of us that were taking part in the revue got together for a practice. I'd reserved one of the classrooms earlier that day. The caretakers, whoever they were, had moved the tables to one side. In some respects they reminded me of the elves in Harry Potter, always working, but never seen.
When everyone arrived, I handed out the music. I felt a bit guilty as I wasn't playing, and by the looks on Helen's face, I wasn't alone.
"So when do we get to see you dance?" asked Jessica, as she scanned through the music.
"When are we going to hear you play?" responded Helen without batting an eyelid.
"Touché."
"Certainly not in here. I've no piano," pointed out Sophia. The others had brought their instruments with them. I thought it was great how Pru's Double Bass case had wheels on it, so it was easier for her to get around.
"I didn't think of that," I mentally kicked myself.
"The practice rooms might be a bit tight to get us all in," added Sam.
"There is always the main hall, or the classroom we normally have our music classes in," Jessica suggested.
"The music classroom was booked and if we practice in the main hall then everyone will hear."
"I have a keyboard in my bedroom, and that would be private. We could practice there," Sophia offered. "If you want, we could have a run through now, so we can get the hang of how it feels."
Everyone thought that was a great idea, so we all decamped to Sophia's room. As the door opened, we heard the rather interesting sound of Renee practicing on her bagpipes emanating from the adjoined room. I knew that was her instrument of choice, and that she played the trumpet in the school orchestra because it fitted in better, but I'd never actually heard her play.
"Perhaps here isn't a good idea," I said, biting my bottom lip.
"It sounds like Renee is just finishing," Sophia informed us. "That sounds like the tune she finishes the set with. It fits the set well, and she really likes it."
The interconnecting door was wide open, and we could see Renee. Her back was to us, so she didn't see us quietly listening. As Sophia predicted, Renee soon finished.
"Hi Renee," called Sophia. "We have company."
Renee spun round, and blushed when she saw us.
"I knew you should have taken your keyboard," Renee laughed, coming into Sophia's room. By the looks of the books on the table, and the way the room was laid out, it looked like it was really their room.
"I'm sorry if we disturbed your practice," I apologised.
"I was just finished," she smiled. "I'm just not used to people hearing me on the pipes again."
"Hey, you're really good," Helen added. "I wish it fitted in with what we're doing. Anyway, now we can get embarrassed while you listen to us do our first run-through."
"I suppose I better stop getting embarrassed about people hearing me," Renee smiled nervously. "I've been asked to pipe in someone's show."
"Hey, that's great!" shouted Sophia, suddenly jumping up, lifting Renee and swirling her around. Renee gave a yelp of shock and rapidly wrapped her legs around Sophia's waist.
Eventually things calmed down and we had a run through. As with any initial first attempts, it was very rough.
"Are you sure you don't want a different violinist?" Sam asked, as they again came to a halt.
"You're doing great. Remember how bad we were with the first run through of the Beethoven? Look how good we are now," I said, trying to keep the group together.
"Yeah, but we had a lot longer to get it right," Pru pointed out.
"There are only five of us. I'm sure with some practice we should be fine. I have a few other rehearsals early tomorrow morning, so why don't we all have a private practice and meet back at eleven?" suggested Sophia.
"Helen and I have a dance lesson then," I informed them, as everyone checked their PDA's.
"We should be able to practice without you," said Sophia. "Let us concentrate on getting the music right. We can always send you a recording so you can practice with that, and provide us feedback about how you feel. Since it will take us a bit to get the music right, it will let you concentrate on perfecting your dancing. Then we can put on one heck of a performance."
"Thanks," smiled Helen.
"Do you have an example of this?" asked Jessica.
"I saw it in the movie True Lies, but since it is a fifteen, the school system won't let us pull it up," I explained.
"I'm fifteen," said Mathew. "Why don't I try and pull it up?"
We watched the two examples in the movie. Helen's eyes got slightly wide as she saw the dance and the end of the movie.
"No way could I dance like that," she murmured. "I'm not going to make a scene like that."
"No, it is rather OTT," I agreed. "Though I think you'd look nice in a dress like that."
"I'm not developed enough to do it justice, perhaps in a few years. Didn't you say you'd seen it in another movie?"
"Scent of a Woman."
Mathew pulled up the film and we scanned through it until we found the segment we wanted to see.
"Well that was a lot more sedate," said Mathew, as the dance finished.
"It had a different feel to it than the two examples from True Lies," said Sophia. "How do you two want to dance it?"
"That's an issue, we don't know how to dance yet, let alone put any passion into it. I'm worried that we're going to be worrying too much about the moves, and not letting it flow," said Helen, screwing up her nose.
"Do you concentrate on what your fingers do as you play your instrument, or think about what keys you are pressing as you type?" Sam queried.
"I suppose not," I murmured, wondering where Sam was going.
"Well, just treat it like that. Knowing Kelly and Simon, you will be dancing in your sleep before the revue. Then your feet will move without thought and the passion will just flow."
I hoped Sam was right. The school had taught me how to pass as female quickly, so there is hope.
The next day Simon met us at the practice room. He was dressed rather smartly in a tuxedo. As we walked rather bemusedly towards the offered seats, Kelly came out in a long formal dress.
"I feel rather underdressed," I complained as I saw Kelly.
"Don't worry, we just wanted you to see some examples of how it might be done," Kelly explained. "We thought being dressed like you may be for your revue, might give you some ideas. On the table you will find some papers where you can score the dances we do with what you want. That way it might help you remember them better."
"My mum used to do that with the Eurovision Song Contest," I said, remembering the times I'd watched it with the family. My Dad used to have a good laugh about it over far too many beers. Helen must have seen the twinge of pain I felt and gently squoze my hand in a sign of support.
We both settled down on the settee and watched as a number of different versions were demonstrated, not just the versions we'd seen the previous night, but a much wider variety. One of the demonstrations was so romantic. I was gobsmacked that Simon could dance so passionately. My surprise was replaced with embarrassment as the next demonstration could only be described as erotic.
"Well?" enquired Kelly, as she sat down gracefully. The way she glided across the floor, was like she was riding on a cushion of air.
"Did you borrow Hermione Granger's special shoes from The Goblet of Fire?" I laughed, rather nervously.
"She is rather graceful, isn't she?" beamed Simon. "Would you like to sign up for a traditional deportment class?"
"Hey, this isn't a recruitment period," tutted Kelly.
"You mean we are supposed to save the propaganda until after they're already hooked?" lamented Simon, keeping a straight face. "Damn." He gave me a discrete wink. I wonder how much the stiff personality was put on?
"So, back to the dancing. What did you like and what didn't you? What did you give douze points?" I smiled to myself at Kelly's referral to the Eurovision scoring.
We discussed the versions we liked, and the two teachers added details about the difficulty of each dance. "Remember, you are there to entertain, not to do the hardest dance. Do what you feel comfortable doing, rather than something that is going to be beyond your ability to learn in the time you have left. A simple dance done well will look a lot better than a hard dance done badly."
I changed, and tried to style my hair in as masculine a style as I could manage in such a short time. I didn't expect to have to learn to change into male mode so quickly. I sighed to myself. Another thing I'd be learning as well as the dance. What had I got myself into?
Once we had decided which style of dancing we wanted, we got to work very quickly. They started us off at a much slower tempo than the music practice the previous night.
I ended up dancing with Kelly, while Helen got to dance with Simon. Helen was soon being whisked around the floor, learning some of the more advanced moves that she'd never been taught. Meanwhile, I was still learning more of the beginner moves.
At the end of the session, I finally got to dance with Helen. She was certainly more advanced than I was. I was more than a little nervous as we went round the floor.
When we finished I quietly walked to the dressing room to get changed.
"What's up?" said Simon, who followed me.
"When we danced, there didn't seem to be any connection between me and Helen. There certainly wasn't any spark of romance."
When he gave a short laugh, I looked at Simon in amazement. "David, you've only just started to dance. The music you danced to was a recording and was intentionally slow and mechanical. While this can be a very passionate dance, it loses a lot if the basics aren't second nature to you both. Something to remember is that the tango is a live dance, and a big factor is the live music and how you interact with it. If it is played well, that will encourage your dancing and the passion will naturally appear. Don't forget that you are concentrating on moving rather than on romance. Think back to when you learnt to read. I bet you read each word on its own and only later did you read in sentences. Later still you would have started to put emotion into how you read. Your dancing is at the reading each word on its own stage. You will soon improve, just like you did with reading."
"You sure?"
"Yes, I'm certain. Now I'll leave you to turn yourself back to Jayne."
"Thanks, Simon."
That afternoon, after a successful run through of The Armed Man, we unexpectedly finished early. A ripple of confusion drifted through the orchestra and choir until Mrs Russell said, "Don't run away, Stacy has an announcement. I will see you all tomorrow."
All the teachers departed and Stacy stood at the front. "I know that nobody decided to use the full orchestra or choir out of respect for everyone. However, an idea was raised to give a nice finale for the staff, which involved everyone. After some discussion between myself and Kriss, I approached someone to arrange something. Lewis, would you mind dishing out the parts?"
I smiled as I received my music and noticed the arrangers — R Baldwin & D Humphrey. I quickly scanned the music, playing the notes in my mind as my eyes flicked across the staves. It didn't appear to be anything I recognised. Sometimes that can be good, as you don't go into playing an arrangement with hangovers from what you already know. However, it is certainly a lot easier for timings when you do know how it is supposed to sound.
For once our initial run through wasn't as much of a disaster as it normally was. Perhaps we were all getting to be better players. As with all things at the school, you seemed to learn, even when you didn't expect it. At this rate I would be skipping some of my AB* music exams and doing a higher grade than expected. What helped me was that I vaguely recognised the music from some old movie that my mum used to love. The name of the movie escaped me, so I decided to look up the title later.
Sometimes it is hard to hear the music, but this one you could feel. This must have been some love theme and when it finished, I heard a ripple of sighs.
* * *
The daily practice for the visit to Russia, carol singing and the revue kept everyone at school busy. The dancing improved, and when we weren't having lessons, Helen and I practiced in our room. Towards Christmas Eve, we began to dance with the musicians and gradually we learnt to work as a team. I suppose it was rather like we had to learn how to work with the orchestra when we played the Sinfonia Concertante.
"Happy Christmas," Helen whispered, giving me a discrete kiss. The church clock had just struck midnight and the curate finished off the nativity scene by laying the model of baby Jesus into the cradle.
"Happy Christmas to you, too," I whispered in response. I was totally in awe at the service. This was my first Christmas that I'd been to church, or that I remember going to church. Heck, before coming to this school, I'd only been to church when my parents were both working on Sunday morning.
The school had anticipated that there were going to be a lot of people wanting to attend the midnight service, so after we'd got back from carol singing at the local hospitals, a draw had been held. Those that weren't able to fit in for the midnight service would attend the nine-thirty service on Christmas Day. There was a range of other services too, for people of different denominations, and Helen had arranged for us to attend at least one. I suppose it was a good time to see what others believed.
Christmas day was nothing like any other Christmas day that I'd experienced. Presents had always been small, but today there weren't going to be any, or so I thought. When we came down the stairs, there outside our year room were three large sacks. Others from our year, who had also just arrived, were looking on in amazement.
"Hey, shouldn't you two still be in bed?" asked Jill as she approached us.
"Huh?" I responded rather vaguely.
"You got to go to church last night, so I thought you would still be in bed."
"Ooh, jealous are we?" laughed Helen, as Jill couldn't keep a straight face. "The habit of getting up at a standard time woke us up. At least Jayne stopped us going for a bike ride, otherwise we wouldn't be here to witness this."
"Stacy didn't say anything about presents when she told us about Christmas here at Hayfield," complained Tina.
"Why are we all standing in the doorway talking about them and not taking them into our room?" I asked, wondering why I'd not thought to ask this earlier.
"Oh yeah," nervously laughed Wesley. "Phil and I were down first and should have thought of that earlier. I don't think I'm with it this morning. I blame it on it being such a big surprise."
"That sounds a great excuse. It certainly is a big surprise having sacks of pressies."
We hauled them into our year-room and put them around our Christmas tree, waiting for the others to appear.
"What's this?" asked Paula, as she and Emma arrived and spied the goodies. They were the last two to arrive. Everyone arrived quickly after someone, who shall rename nameless, sent everyone a message.
"We aren't sure," Helen replied. "Do you want to look, or would you rather we go to breakfast early?"
"If Lewis can wait, then so will I," shrugged Paula.
"Even I will wait," admitted Lewis.
It was a silly question really as there were over thirty minutes before breakfast. I don't think we have ever been that early for breakfast, apart from when Helen and I were re-elected as year leaders.
"Any traditions anybody wants to set?" Jill queried. I'd thought about everyone just grab their gift, rip off the paper and see what it was.
"What did you have in mind?" Helen asked, interrupting my thoughts.
"How about you find the gift for your study partner and you give it to them in whatever way you feel fit?"
"How do you mean?" Emma queried.
Jill smiled, went under the tree and rummaged around until she found the gift for Anna. She gently carried it across the room, placed it next to Anna and gave her a rather passionate kiss. "Happy Christmas."
"Ooh," encouraged everyone in the room. Anna didn't blush, but she did have a nice smile plastered across her face.
Some of the Hayfield students were more embarrassed about others knowing that they were romantically involved with their study partner and the gift was just given. There was no such holdback from The Manor students. They'd got past that stage. Perhaps the most emotional response wasn't anything to do with romance, but acceptance. Sam burst into floods of tears after opening the gift. I had to admit it was one heck of a present and fitted in very nicely with what Sam had recently disclosed to us.
"Are you going to keep it in here or in your room?" Jessica asked.
"I'm not sure," Sam slowly said.
"Keep it here," we all chorused.
"Sam, you can't hide yourself in your room. We all accept this part of you, so please share with us."
Sam nodded and burst into tears of happiness. What a magical Christmas.
Hayfield had taken a day where we probably would have most missed our families and turned it into something not so bad. I still felt bereft, but somehow the edge of the hurt had been taken away. Helen and I managed to somehow get through the day and it wasn't until we were safely cuddled in our bed that we burst into tears. Life just seemed so damn unfair.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 42
The Boxing Day revue happens followed by the field trip. Unfortunately, things don't go to plan.
"I'd like to welcome you to our Boxing Day revue. I'm sure, by now, that all our American cousins have worked out that it isn't a day of violence, which hopefully hasn't disappointed too many. Now to kick things off I will jumble up all the entries. I wish we could use ERNIE*, but since we can't, we are reliant on what we have available. I would like to ask Rachel, who has been chosen by all in year-A, to come up and press the button to kick off today's events."
I was unsure what Mr Hobson meant by ERNIE, and made a mental note to look it up later. A huge screen had been erected high on the top right corner of the theatre, which showed a scrolling list of entries. Next to Mr Hobson stood a stand with a huge illuminated red button on the top. Rachel appeared and with a flourish, pressed the button. The screen pixelated and the pixels moved round in a random way. After a few seconds, the screen cleared and the names of the first four performances appeared.
"Okay, we have our running order sorted," Mr Hobson continued. "The screen shows the current performance and the next three, which will automatically update as the day goes on. If you are involved with one of the performances, please make your way quietly backstage to get yourselves ready. That way we should be able to get through the day without too much of an issue. So if everyone involved with the first four could now make their way backstage. Our first performance should be in ten minutes."
I breathed a sigh of relief seeing that I wasn't part of the first show. Just like everyone else around, I pulled out my PDA and glanced at the full list. Helen and I weren't on until later on, so unless a lot of the acts were very short, we wouldn't be on until after lunch. Knowing that, I settled back to enjoy the show. It was great hearing and seeing what others could do, but I knew I would appreciate lunch for a long break. Oh, we'd not sat still for all that time, and we'd had small breaks, but it wasn't good for the bum to be sat that long.
After a break, I'd just settled down for some more entertainment when I heard a familiar voice. "Hi, Jayne." I smiled, as I'd not seen Matilda for a few days.
"Hey, Matilda," I replied, turning to see her. I'd nearly said 'Little Munchkin' but had stopped myself just in time. I'm sure I'd have a sore leg by now if I had. "How did the trip go the other day?"
"It was okay," she replied.
"Is that a good okay, or a bad okay?"
"Good, I suppose."
"Matilda, what's up? You're normally a lot more talkative than this."
"I dunno, it just seemed a bit strange. We went to a place called Portsmouth and looked at some old ships. I just don't know why we went there."
"Was June nice?"
"Oh yeah, she was great and she had all these wonderful fun things in her car."
"I bet," I laughed. I knew Portsmouth was on the south coast and was a navy port, but that was about it. I felt slightly embarrassed that Matilda probably knew more about the place than me. "So these old ships, where they from World War II or something?"
"No, really old. Sixteenth and Seventeenth century I think."
"They were wrecks?"
"No, well one was. We went on two. One called HMS Warrior and one called HMS Victory. It was kind of funny though; I think that everyone must have been real small back then, as Victory had such low ceilings. Everyone on the tour kept banging their heads as they went up and down the steps."
"Did it hurt?"
Matilda laughed. "Okay, everyone else did. I didn't hit mine once."
"That's good." I wonder if June took Matilda there so she could see there were times it was better to be small? Matilda might be very clever, but she hadn't spotted this one yet. "So, do you think it's worth a trip there sometime?"
"Oh sure, it's kinda neat there. They have this really old wreck that they'd raised and now they're trying to preserve it. Later, we even got to go on a boat tour of the harbour. There were some huge modern ships in dock there."
"Any idea where or when your other trip is?"
"We're going the day after we get back from Russia, or so June said. It seems Mr Hobson didn't want anything to risk the field trip. She's still keeping where a secret. I guess June is all right, if a little strange, but I guess it should be fun."
The way things worked out, I was on fourth after lunch. That would give me plenty of time to get dressed as David. I'd gradually got quicker at switching between Jayne and David, so there shouldn't be too much of a rush. In fact, it was going to be more of a rush switching back to being Jayne for one of the other performances I'd been roped into. I had been hoping they wouldn't be so close together, so I could mellow in being David for a few moments longer.
"Wow, David, you do look sharp!" commented Brenda. Well it was Brenda's voice, but looked nothing like her. She'd obviously gone to a great deal of trouble. "I just can't make out what on Earth you're-"
Brenda's voice tailed off and her jaw just hung there for a moment. I turned to see Helen, in a stunning dress. Someone must have helped her do her makeup, because I know she wasn't capable of that level of "Wow!"
The dress wasn't indecent, far from it. It was just that this was a dress that looked like it was made for her. It hugged her body in just the right places, loose in the places it needed to be, and hinted at so much more. I'd been in Helen's wardrobe before, but had never seen anything like it. She'd discussed what dress to wear with Kelly, but hadn't told me what they'd finally come up with.
"It's going to be a surprise," was all she would say. It was certainly one heck of a surprise.
"Hands off," Helen yelled, as I rushed towards her. I came to an abrupt halt, lost my balance and slipped to the floor.
Brenda, who was watching, did what she does best and burst out laughing. I'm not sure how she did it, but her spontaneous laughter sounded nothing like her Andy laugh. It was so obviously a female laugh. Did she practice that much, that when she was in female mode everything she did was female? I don't think I could ever do that, or want to.
Helen rushed across and helped me to my feet. She'd even put on some type of perfume. I looked into her eyes and my heart started pounding faster.
"Save it for when you get to your room," called Brenda.
I blushed.
Brenda was joined by some others. "Isn't that-"
"Shania Twain," finished Helen, mirroring my thoughts.
"You don’t think they’re going to sing-"
Again Helen interrupted me, "I wouldn’t be surprised."
"Oh my, that’s going to be one heck of a performance."
We didn't have long to find out as the act that was on stage finished and got a great applause. I presumed one of the people about to go on stage with Brenda was Stacy, but I couldn't be sure. The person who looked like Shania turned to the others and said in a voice that sounded just like Shania, "Let's go, girls."
'Shania' winked at me and led the band onto the stage.
Helen and I stood as close to the side entrance to the stage as we could, our arms around each other. The audience went wild as they performed 'Man, I feel like a woman!' They played loud enough and with enough oomph that people came rushing out of the makeshift dressing rooms to see the performance. By the time they were finished, the wings of the theatre were packed with students.
"How can we follow that?" asked Sam, sounding rather disheartened.
"I think we sound pretty good," retorted Pru. "If David and Helen dance like they did at last night's practice, then I don't think we should have a problem."
I just hope that we can live up to Pru's confidence. The band came off the stage to thunderous applause, Brenda's grin wide as anything. It really looked like they had had fun up there.
"You were great," I mentioned, well gushed, to Brenda as she passed.
"Thanks, it was fun. Now at last I get to see what you have been scheming."
"I've not been scheming," I responded, trying my best to sound hurt. "You should know by now that Helen is the one that does the scheming."
Helen just laughed. "A girl's got to do what a girl's got to do. Just ask Stacy."
"And don't I know it," confirmed Brenda. "So, where are your instruments? Aren't you going on with the others?"
"You'll see," Helen and I teased.
The music started and I grabbed Helen's hand and led her onto the stage, to the sound of applause and a few wolf whistles. As we passed the band, I grabbed a red rose from a jar and placed it between my teeth. This was one thing that we'd loved at the end of True Lies. Our original plan had been to put the rose on the piano, but since the grand was open, it wasn't a good idea.
The sound of the music, the encouragement of the audience and, most of all, the sight of Helen gave me confidence. Simon and Kelly had trained us well and we moved in time with the music. As the music finally finished, my lips naturally touched Helens. Wow, I could have kissed her forever. Eventually our lips parted and, after a second of silence, the audience gave us a huge round of applause. Red with embarrassment, Helen and I quickly followed the band off the stage.
"Thank you all," Helen said to the others when we were safely off the stage.
"We loved it," Pru murmured. "And that was one sweet kiss."
"How do you expect us to follow those two great performances?" asked Stuart, as he passed us to go onto the stage.
"By giving another great show," called Brenda.
"Haven't you got changed yet?" I asked Brenda. Sam, Jessica, Pru, Matthew had gone to change. Sophia had disappeared back onstage as she was helping out in this next performance.
"Nor have I," came Stacy's voice. I looked around and couldn't see her. There were so many people in different costumes.
I presumed she was also part of the Shania Twain group. I spotted one that was about the right height. "Ah, I didn't know you played the guitar?"
"There is a lot you don't know about me," she laughed, joining Brenda. "We wanted to see your performance. When you finished, the others in the band slipped off to change. One word of advice to both of you though; remember our chats in Paris."
I glanced at Helen, who took a deep breath and nodded. "David, don't you need to get changed? I thought you were in the next act?"
"Sorry," I uttered, slightly embarrassed by the reminder from Stacy and that our possible actions were that obvious. I rushed off to get changed. My time as David was at an end. Well, at an end for another week. This had been a short but welcome interlude during my time as Jayne. I don't know how I did it, but I was back in the theatre's wing in time.
The performances were great. It was fun for us to see what we could do, and for others to appreciate our skills. Not only did the students watch, but most of the staff sat in the hall to watch. This was a rare time for them to see and hear us.
"We have one last performance," said Stacy from the front of the theatre's stage. "This is a special performance that includes all the students. If you could all bear with us for half an hour while we get prepared."
We all scarpered to our rooms and put on our fancy concert outfits. Helen, who had stayed in her dance outfit, had been unknowingly causing me trouble most of the afternoon. Perhaps she thought that since I was now dressed as Jayne, things wouldn't be so bad. Or possibly she thought that being less tactile would have calmed me down.
"Can I take a picture of you?" I asked as we got to our room.
"You haven't taken any all day?"
"Well perhaps a few, but I'd like one with you on your settee."
"I suppose so, but then we must get changed or we'll be late."
After taking the pictures, I reluctantly turned to go back to my room to change.
"Sorry, but can you undo the back of my dress. Kelly helped me fasten it earlier."
I didn't answer, but did as asked. The dress slipped down, revealing Helen in a way I wasn't expecting. She wasn't in her ordinary underwear, but something a whole lot more… wow. This was too much for me. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. I felt my stomach churn, quickly rushed to Helen's bathroom and threw up into her toilet.
"Are you okay?" Helen asked, rushing in after me.
What a silly question? I'd just been sick and she was asking if I was okay.
"I will be," I replied, trying to get the nasty taste out of my mouth. "Please go and get changed. I will be out in a minute."
"But-"
"Please," I all but begged, waving a hand towards the door while trying not to look at her. I wasn't sure if she understood, so I tried to explain a bit more. "You look too good and I wanted to do things that my body reacted badly to."
"Oh," Helen said bleakly. "I'm sorry."
"It isn't your fault. You didn't know."
"But you were nearly sick like that once before. I should have realised."
"You're just so attractive, and when I saw you in —" I paused to sneeze and the foul tasting bile polluted my nose.
"Look, let me get some extra things on and you try and recover a bit. Then I'll go with you to see the nurse."
"I'm not ill," I protested. "And I don't want to have to explain this to the nurse. Anyway, we have the finale to do. You put your dress on, and in a moment I'll go to my room and get myself dressed."
"Are you sure?" Helen asked again. My heart just leapt again at how loving and caring she was.
"Sure, now get moving or we'll be late."
Helen disappeared and I finished cleaning myself up. I hated being sick, but I hated clearing up afterwards more. I was so glad I'd managed to puke into the toilet and not all over the floor. I scurried to my room, carefully shielding my eyes from seeing Helen, and quickly got ready. Living as Jayne the last few weeks, and for the previous field trip, had certainly reduced the time it took to do the feminine stuff. The worst thing was that I didn't have time to do all my makeup, but spent that last bit of time trying to make myself look respectable.
"Are you ready?" Helen queried.
"Not really, but I've no time for more," I responded.
Helen came through and nodded. "You'll do. At least you won't have makeup to remove before we go to bed."
I got some strange looks as we assembled backstage. We were treating this rather like we did the practice concert before the French trip. However, this time there weren't any teachers with us; they were sitting in the audience where they had been most of the day. Thank goodness we'd been under the expert handling of Year-Five to get onto the stage at the right times.
"Are you okay?" Kevin asked, as I warmed up my French-Horn.
"I'll be fine," I said, trying to brush off the query.
"You don't look it. You look white, and just like someone who has been sick."
"I was. That's why I didn't have time to put on my makeup."
"Have you been to see the nurse?"
"No. It wasn't much and I'll be fine. Anyway, I didn't want to miss this."
Kevin gave me a look of understanding, but didn't have chance to say anything else, as Stacy called us to file onto the stage. All our conversations ended and we mentally switched to show time. This was a concert and we would be professional. It didn't matter that it was just for the staff. A concert was a concert, after all.
When we were all seated, Stacy came onto the stage to loud applause, took a bow before taking her seat. I expected her to make a statement but she didn't. Next on were Lewis and Roberta.
"Thank you all for listening so patiently all day," said Lewis, facing the audience. "We thought it would be nice to have a final piece that we all played together. We would like to thank Ryan and Sophia for arranging this for our orchestra and choir. I'm sure it will be familiar to some of you."
The audience burst into applause as Ryan stood and Sophia made herself known.
"But before we start to play, a few more thank yous. First off, a big thank you to all the performers. Everyone in the two schools was in at least one performance. Some, such as the pianists were in many more, and as such were the backbone of today."
The audience applauded the four pianists, as they acknowledge them. Poor Sophia looked like she was going to be thanked a lot!
"I'd like to thank years five and H for their superb behind the scenes organisation." Again the audience applauded. "As everyone will have noticed, it has taken twenty-six of them to cover so that Mr Hobson could take a rest and watch the performance." That got a laugh.
"Finally, I would like to thank you all, for not just sitting, watching and encouraging us with your tremendous applause, but for all the support that you have given to us over the years. A lot of you might work behind the scenes, cleaning, cooking, washing, sewing, and caretaking. Some of you might never see our faces for us to thank you in person, so from us now, a very big thank-you."
The whole orchestra and choir stood up and applauded. I wasn't sure where Lewis got all this from, but he was doing a great job. Once we'd finished applauding, Lewis finished off, "Here is the finale, conducted by Roberta."
The lights in the hall were dimmed and the choir and orchestra lights raised, leaving us well illuminated. After Lewis exited into the wings, Roberta raised her arms, bringing silence to the hall and we started playing our final piece in this rather fantastic revue. The audience was as attentive as they had been for our earlier performances. As we finished, we got exactly the response that we'd hoped for. There were some small sighs of contentment and a thunderous appreciation. What a great day this had been.
Eventually, we filed off the stage, and after I'd put my instrument away, Kevin came up to me and said, "Come on Jayne, I'll take you to see the nurse."
"I'm okay," I quietly complained. I was trying not to draw attention to myself.
Helen, who was already coming towards me, quickened her pace and was soon asking, "What's happening?"
"I'm taking Jayne to see the nurse. She said she'd been ill, and it is a good idea to be checked out."
"Look darling, we think we know why you were sick, but isn't it a good idea to get checked out just in case. You wouldn't like to find out the day before we go away that you're coming down with something and can't go."
I couldn't fault Helen's logic, but I was still worried that the nurse would ask what we thought was wrong.
"What do you think caused it?" asked Kevin.
My heart sank. Even Kevin was worried enough to ask and he wasn't a professional nurse. Perhaps seeing the nurse wasn't such a good idea.
"It's a bit personal," I murmured.
"You what?" asked Kevin, who hadn't heard me properly.
"It's a bit personal," I said a bit louder. It must have been a bit louder than I'd expected, as the room went quiet and most of the people were looking at me. They must have seen I was embarrassed, as the chatting soon started again. However, we were soon joined by most of our year.
"Are you okay?" asked Jill.
"Jayne, was a bit ill earlier and is about to see the nurse," Helen said. "It's nothing to worry about."
"Okay," said Sam. "I was just a bit worried, because of what happened the other week."
"It's nothing like that." I was horrified by the thought that others still worried that I might be suicidal.
Sam looked at Helen who quickly agreed with me.
As Helen and I walked to see the nurse, Brenda came steaming up behind. "Wait up a second," she called.
"Hey, Brenda," Helen and I said together.
"I heard you were sick and something suddenly just occurred to me. Do you think this is related to what we talked about, when you had that chat with Andy?"
"I think so," I sighed. "Helen thought it best that I get checked, just on the off chance it was something else."
"A good idea," approved Brenda. "Look, if you think it was what you suspect, then a chat with Rachel might not be a bad idea."
"I don't think I'm ready for that," I said after a moment's thought. "Perhaps after we come back from Russia, I can explore who I am a bit more and things might become clearer. Since Rachel said she wanted to chat more with me during 'your fun', I can kill two birds with one stone."
"I don't think it would have been a good idea before we go away," added Helen. "You don't want something like that playing on your mind."
"True," I agreed. We arrived at the nurses, and Brenda left. I was checked over, and a blood sample was taken to make sure I wasn't suffering from food poisoning. I think a few more people in the school would have been ill if it had been food poisoning. Also, since it was a pretty contained school, illness was something that occurred a lot less often.
As I waited to be released, I wasn't surprised to see Rachel appear. The psychiatrists here aren't just psychiatrists, but like family.
"Hi Jayne," she greeted me, as she came round the modesty curtain. "I hear you've not been well."
"It didn't take long for you to hear," I said, trying to put on a smile.
"I have my ways," she laughed. "So, how are you holding up?"
"I'm feeling a lot better than earlier. I was sick, but I'm feeling fine now. A few people said it would be best to get checked out, just in case."
"Sounds like you have some good friends, though with this lot here, I'm not surprised. Do you mind if I stay with you until the results come in?"
"Not at all," I said, my heart sinking.
"Don't worry. I'm not here to shrink your brain. I just want to make sure you're okay. You did very well in the revue; you certainly pulled off the dancing."
"Thanks, though we couldn't have done it without Kelly and Simon."
"Probably, but if you two hadn't put in the effort, all the help in the world wouldn't have made you able to dance like that."
The nurse, Robert, came round the curtain. "Well, your blood tests came back clear. The rest of the other tests should be in by early tomorrow morning. How are you feeling now?"
"I feel a lot better."
"Well you seem to have a bit more colour in your cheeks. Unless you want to, I don't see any reason to keep you here. As long as you are feeling up to it, you can have a normal meal tonight. It looks like you have escaped from Hospital Food. If you feel sick again, then please come back and we will monitor you."
"Thanks." I flashed him a smile.
As we all left, Rachel asked Helen, "Have you changed from the underwear that Kelly gave you for the dance?"
"Yes," she blushed.
"Then if you behave, I don't think Jayne will be sick again tonight."
I opened my mouth to respond, but Rachel continued, "You best run along, your friends will want to know you're okay."
Helen grabbed my hand and led me to our year-room before I could say anything.
* * *
The next few days were back to rehearsals for our trip and it wasn't long before the thirtieth arrived. This was only my third flight, and I was quite nervous. The first two flights covered my trip to Edinburgh and back, so weren't very long journeys. This one was going to take a few hours.
Life can sometimes be so frustrating. There had been leaks, and the beta teams had managed to gleam some information, but nothing to narrow down the identity of the leaker, just that it was now beyond doubt that there was a drip that was rapidly developing into a more serious trickle. Yet here we were, on a plane, about to depart on our trip to Russia, still unsure if, or how much of our trip details had been leaked to the Russians.
"Are you okay?" asked Helen, rubbing my leg.
"I'm fine," I smiled. "I was just thinking about what's been going on. Are you okay?"
"I think so," she said, her smile not as reassuring as mine. "I've only flown a few times, and they weren't very long flights. I've never been on such a large plane before."
"I thought a plane like this would have had a first class area, like they do in the movies," I thought aloud.
"I suppose they have some that are the same all the way through so they can get more passengers in," said Ruth, who was sitting next to Helen. I'd been offered the window seat, and there was no way I was going to give that up.
As we taxied towards the runway, I tried to calm myself down by closing my eyes and taking deep breaths. It didn't really help that I kept hearing the safety announcement echo in my head about where life jackets were kept and what would happen if we needed oxygen. Helen grabbed my hand and gave it a tight squeeze. I think Helen was more nervous than she wanted others to know.
"It'll be okay," I said reassuringly. "They fly planes every day, and Mr Hobson isn't the pilot."
That caused a chuckle from the others students that heard.
"I wonder if the captain would let me have a try," said Brenda, a few rows behind. How on Earth had she heard me?
That caused quite a lot of heckling, and it wasn't until things calmed down that I realised that we were airborne. I nudged Helen and pointed out of the window. The look of panic on her face faded and she tried to see out of the tiny window.
"Would you like to swap when the seat belt sign is off?" I asked. "Then you can look out during the landing."
"Really?" Helen responded, sounding excited. We were only thirteen, after all. Perhaps when I was fourteen in a few weeks, I would grow up a bit. Helen would have to wait a bit longer until she was fourteen.
"Really."
The flight was uneventful; apart from there being a lot more singing on the journey than when we went to France. Brenda was slightly disappointed that she wasn't allowed to visit the flight deck. She'd hoped that since this was a private charter it would have had more relaxed rules.
After an hour into the flight, I swapped places with Helen. There was nothing to see at this stage apart from clear sky all around. We were very high, so there was no chance of making out any landmarks below. The only way we knew where we were was with the navigation program in the entertainment system, built into the seat in front of us.
During the approach, Helen peered out of the window. At first, I tried to lean across, but it was too awkward with the seatbelt on, so I settled back and listened to Helen's commentary. As we got closer, Helen's speech became tenser, and shorter in structure.
"Hold my hand if you want," I said quietly to her.
"I'm okay," she said briskly.
"I know," I smiled to myself. "I'm nervous."
"Oh," Helen quickly responded by grabbing my hand and the tightness told me I'd guessed right. A few minutes later the plane gently landed on the runway.
The reverse jets kicked in and made a much louder noise than I'd expected from my trip to Scotland. That flight had been on a smaller plane than this, so I presume it had smaller engines. These were so loud, poor Helen almost jumped out of her skin and pulled my hand with her.
"It's just the jets reversing to slow us down," I explained.
"I don't remember them being that loud."
"I suppose these are bigger engines, so more noise."
"Hey, you should have heard the ones on the 777 we came to England on," said Ruth. "Now they were loud."
The plane slowed down and taxied to the main terminal. As we disembarked, the first thing we all did was put on our thick winter coats. Wow, it was cold! No, it was colder than cold. In the UK, we'd just had our first covering of snow. It was only probably a centimetre thick, but it was enough to cause huge traffic chaos, not just on the roads, but also on the trains. Apparently it was the wrong type of snow. Here there was a thick blanket of snow.
At immigration, our passports were checked a lot more thoroughly than when we went to France. However, everything was in order, so we easily passed through. I wonder if my Jayne passport was a forgery, or was it a valid one, obtained with forged documents, or did the school know someone inside the passport agency. It was another one of the thoughts I had; one that I knew I probably would never find out the answer to.
The hotel was rather grand, and was nothing like the one at Disney, the only other hotel I'd stayed in. Mr Moore took care of checking us all in, and our internal competition began again — who was the first person that got spoken back to in English.
"Okay, before you all go shooting up to your rooms, a few words," Mr Hobson said. "First, our schedule. Our evening meal will be in an hour in the hotel restaurant. Tomorrow we have some sightseeing scheduled, and then a last minute rehearsal for the concert which is the evening after. If any of you want to go for a walk, that's fine but please inform one of the members of staff first, and no solo walks. Anybody below the age of sixteen must either go with a member of staff or someone from years four or five, or equivalent."
The trip was nothing like the one to France. This was purely a concert, with a bit of sightseeing thrown in for good measure. The school would never miss the opportunity for us to learn something of the world around us. So since we were in Moscow to do a concert, it was a good time to see some of the things that made Moscow, well ... Moscow. It was a slightly strange time, as it was still part of their Christmas festivities. Since the Orthodox Church hadn't adopted the Gregorian calendar and the Russian government had, some people in Russia started celebrating Christmas with the rest of the world on December 25th, and then religiously on January 7th. New Year was also celebrated twice, on the 1st and again on the 13th of January.
It wasn't all boring sightseeing; we had plenty of fun things to do as well, like ice-skating in Red Square. I'd never ice skated before, but when Helen and a few others saw it, they all wanted to have a go.
"Can you all skate?" asked Dan, one of the pair of staff with our year.
Only Emma and I didn't raise our hands.
"We've seen a lot, so why not," said Edith Covington, the other member of staff with us.
"We have a lot of snow at the school and a nice rink has been one of the joys of winter at our school most years," explained Melissa.
I was quite nervous about getting on the ice. Walking in the boots wasn't too bad, but when I saw a few people fall over on the ice, I started to get a bit scared.
"Don't worry, I'll hold your hand and help you get used to it," reassured Helen. "Just look at Randall and Kenny."
I gapped as I saw them flash around the rink, looking like they didn't have a care in the world. When I looked round, I was about to stand on the ice. Helen had once again successfully diverted my attention. I grabbed hold of the rail, and took a tentative step onto the ice.
"Are you okay?" Helen asked.
"I'm fine," I replied, trying to smile. "I'm a bit nervous and my legs feel like jelly, but apart from that, I'm fine."
"Not scared of falling?"
"Of course I'm scared of falling." I couldn't believe Helen would ask that.
"Why don't you hold my hand, and we can see if we can get you going," offered Helen.
"But I might fall."
"If you do, you will drag me down with you. Have faith in me."
I took a deep breath and willed my left hand off the rail and grabbed hold of Helen's hand. My right hand stayed firmly gripped onto the rail.
"Are you ready?"
I nodded and we inched forward, my right hand never too far from the rail.
"You're doing great!" encouraged Helen.
As I went forward, we approached a gap in the rails. My heartbeat was already going faster than usual, but as we neared the gap, I felt my heart speed up.
"What's up?" Helen asked, as my grip tightened.
"The gap," I gasped.
Some of the others must have noticed as Wesley suddenly appeared, stopping by us with a sudden spray of ice.
"Would you like me to take your other hand?" he asked.
"Thanks," I murmured, slightly embarrassed.
"Just repaying a debt. I'd never skated before either, and my first winter at school someone noticed my need and helped me. Helen is doing a great job, but sometime a person on both sides helps."
I made it past the gap and then onwards around the rink. I looked across and saw Paula, who had been helping Emma, wasn't working alone now. Philip had offered his assistance, just like Wesley had for us.
"Toe pick!" laughed Melissa, skating up to Aurora who had just landed flat on her face.
"You've seen that film too many times," laughed Wesley as we went past.
"I wish they had hockey boots here," called back Aurora, picking herself up from the ice.
"What film?" Helen asked.
"The Cutting Edge," Wesley continued to laugh. "I recommend you put it on when we finish this trip."
I started to relax and gain a bit more confidence.
"Toe pick!" I heard again being called out by Melissa. I looked across and saw Aurora again sprawled on the cold ice.
We probably weren't on the ice more than an hour, but when we came off the ice, I wanted to try it again sometime. As we changed out of our ice-skates, I saw a familiar face rushing through the square. I tapped Helen's arm and pointed.
"Wow, we'll have to let Stacy know who's in town."
* * *
Since this wasn't a holiday like the French trip, the concert soon came upon us. The rehearsal had passed smoothly. It wasn't as grand as the practice we did in France, but there was no real need to get us over the shock of playing in a large hall. This performance was going to be a much more discrete affair. The practice was just a run through; we all knew what we were going to play and how to play it.
"The audience is ready, you are all ready, so let's do it," said Mr Hobson. "You played wonderfully in France, and after yesterday's rehearsal, I'm sure you will play even better tonight."
"Jill, can I have an A?" requested Mrs Russell.
The real tune-up then started. It didn't take long and we were guided quietly to the wing. After a signal we made an orderly entrance onto the stage. This was my first chance to see the audience. It was packed. Unlike in France, there wasn't a gap at the front. The Russian premier was already seated. That wasn't the face that made me nearly freeze. I'm sure I spotted Karl Jenkins himself seated on the second row.
After a minute, Stacy followed us onto the stage, and the audience applauded as she took her seat, soon to be followed by Roberta. The lights over the audience dimmed, Roberta raised her arms and the sound of a marching army started to build. Our Moscow concert had begun.
The Armed Man wasn't hardest on the orchestra, though there were some parts which got quite technical. No, it was worst for the choir. The lyrics were in French, Latin and English. I'm surprised that they didn't get mixed up.
When it came to the Benedictus, Stuart was moved out from the main orchestra. The sound that he got from his cello, brought tears to my eyes. It was perfectly controlled with the notes just right, but it was the feeling that floated gently across the room. Was it as good as Guy Johnson on the CD version we'd listened to in our year room? I thought Stuart played it better, but I was biased.
"Well done," Mrs Russell praised us, as the interval started. "That was very well played, sung and conducted. Have your ice-cream and try to relax, you will be on again in twenty minutes."
Remembering what had happened in France, I decide a toilet visit wasn't a bad idea. Beethoven's Ninth Symphony wasn't short and I didn't want to feel uncomfortable during the end. Going to the toilet wasn't easy in a nice concert dress. When I came out of the toilet, I found Lewis pacing up and down the hall.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"A bit nervous. I'm just trying to keep calm."
"You will be fine," I said, trying my best to reassure him. "You conducted very well in the practice yesterday, and you did a great job in France."
"Really?"
"Really. Do you honestly think they would have you conducting unless they thought you could do it perfectly?"
"I suppose not," he laughed, still rather nervously. "This school does seem to bring out the best in us all."
"Yes, and you are the best one to conduct this. The orchestra and choir know what you want. If Roberta conducted it now, we would be all over the place."
We didn't get chance to talk more, as it was time to go back onstage. When Lewis walked out, none of his nerves showed. This might have been a long piece, but it was full of activity. My own nerves also vanished as I concentrated on providing pleasure to the audience. It seemed like only a few minutes had passed, when I realised that we were actually playing the final few bars.
Wow, what a piece that was. The last echoes of the music faded, but Lewis's hands didn't move from their raised position, as if he was trying to remember this day forever. The final concert in France had been grand, but this place was unbelievable.
Silence.
Apart from the rapid beating of my heart, not a sound could be heard. I felt the sweat gently fall towards my neatly trimmed eyebrows. My lips trembled slightly as they relaxed after the tortuous effort to play what was one of the longest symphonies. The length of this one symphony had forced Philips to alter the size of the compact disc from sixty to seventy-four minutes, just so it could fit onto a single disc.
Silence.
My gaze continued to be fixed on Lewis, the look of relief that he'd managed to successfully conduct Beethoven's final symphony was gradually replaced with one of sheer joy. He closed his eyes, and smiled with heartfelt joy. I couldn't see any other faces without looking around, which would be unprofessional, but I could feel the exhilaration from those seated close.
Silence.
Joy. Hope. Freedom. Love. I now had my own thoughts about the masterpiece that a deaf man had created. One should never judge a person by a disability, an illness, the colour of their skin, religion, sexuality, or gender. This was taught very strongly at school, and this was just an example of a wonderful creation that might never have happened if people had just judged him because of his deafness.
Silence.
Lewis's arms dropped and we lowered our instruments. The silence was replaced with applause and what applause it was. Lewis turned and bowed a few times, then waved us all to our feet; the applause grew louder. We sat down as Lewis disappeared and returned with four people who gave bouquets of flowers to the four soloists. One by one, Lewis signalled each soloist, who took a bow. Sandy's top was so low, I'm sure she gave everyone a good show as she took a very deep bow.
The four soloists followed Lewis as he left the stage. Stacy rose and followed. Taking our queue from Stacy, we all followed, exiting in our prescribed order. I wondered what was going on. The clapping was loud enough for an encore, and what happened to the national anthems? Something didn't feel right.
As I left the stage, Stacy stood at the exit, her arms folded. This was the sign that I hoped I would never see. Something had gone wrong with the Alpha team.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 43
What has gone wrong with the Alpha team and will the Beta's be able to help?
My heart sank. The trouble, which everyone in the beta team had hoped would never occur, had. The memory of what to do in a situation like this was ingrained in my head. There was no reason for Stacy to remind us, and she didn't. She expected us to know what was needed. I didn't want to disappoint her.
I made my way into the warm up room and after putting my instrument into its case, looked for someone to entrust my French horn to. I spotted Brian, and since he only had his baton, I decided he was an obvious target.
"Brian, can you please make sure this gets back safely?" I quietly asked.
"Be careful," he said, taking my instrument without any hesitation.
As I made my way to the exit, I spotted Helen giving her bassoon to Jessica, who didn't seem to hesitate in taking it. I wonder how much our friends know or suspect. I didn't go up to Helen, but slipped out of the door, with Helen close behind.
It wasn't until I was outside that I waited for Helen and we walked briskly to the hotel. Running would have drawn unwanted attention to us, but walking briskly was something many locals did to get quickly out of the biting wind. The coach might have been quicker, but the traffic jams in Moscow were often very bad.
In our room, we took out our suitcases, opened the bottom to reveal extra items and started our transformations into two young men. The coats were reversible. When they were one way, they looked like a man's coat, but when pulled inside out they were feminine. We placed our ordinary PDA's in the bottom of our cases and switched on our beta ones.
We were just finishing changing when Jill and Anna came into the room. In hindsight, it would have been easier if we'd shared with Ruth and Michelle, but that would have probably upset Jill and Anna. Actually, they might have liked sharing with Erika.
"What's going on?" Jill blurted out instantly.
"Sorry?"
"I can't find Dad and now you are like this. What's going on?"
Christopher and I exchanged glances. What could we tell Jill? If we told her the truth, it would expose too much. If we told her nothing, it would be like betraying her.
"Jill, I think you should let them get going," Anna suddenly injected, pulling her partner to one side. Then she turned to us, "Sorry, I don't think Jill is thinking straight. Be safe, we will be thinking of you. Oh, and when we meet up with the others, we didn't see anything."
"Thanks," Christopher uttered, as we left to go to Marcus's bedroom.
We were the last to arrive. "Sorry, Jill detained us, worried about Julia."
"Did you say anything?" asked Andy.
"No, Anna understood and is sorting things out with Jill. I think Jill is just very worried."
Marcus took charge, "Yes, but that is something to discuss later. The current situation is that both Alpha teams are stranded in their targets. Complicating things is that the building that the Manor alpha team visited is shielded against satellite communications, which wasn't in any plans. Both sites need a distraction so the alpha teams can get out, but we also need to come up with a plan to get the data out of there, too.
"That building has no windows where the computers are, so they were linking via a van, which does the upload. The uplink signal is being jammed, and we only got a scant report before the PDA signals of both teams were also blocked. Since no previous intelligence showed any electronic jamming equipment, it appears that they were expected . Therefore, whatever we do, we have to be very careful. They are obviously aware of the alpha teams, but we aren't sure if they know about us. Since they know about them, we don't have much time before they are found. Skip, do you have a plan for your team?"
"Yes, we'll go to my room to discuss it in detail. It seems we have the trickier mission."
"If you need us after we've finished, just let us know," offered Marcus.
"Good luck," we all whispered to each other, as The Manor Beta team disappeared to plan and conduct their mission.
Marcus continued, "Our primary mission is to get our alpha team out without getting ourselves caught in the process. The easiest thing would be to cut the power to the building. Without the lights, there should be confusion and the alpha team may be able to slip out unnoticed."
"There is a big risk with that," I said, biting my bottom lip. "They will probably have emergency lights. How about we physically distract the guards with a 'break in' at the other side of the building? While they are dealing with us, the alpha team can get out."
"How do we let the alpha team know that the coast is clear?" queried Andy
"We also kill the lights as per Marcus's plan. The lack of power should be enough of a clue. If the new electronic interference isn't on the backup power, we should be able to get a message to them."
"Sounds like a great amendment to the plan," agreed Marcus.
"The manhole cover two streets away will give me access to the main feed," added Felix. "It won't be a clean break, and will affect several buildings nearby. It will also probably take them several hours to repair."
"Good, we wouldn't want a quick repair. It would be awful if the power came on just as they were sneaking out. Just make sure that once the circuit is broken you get out of the area quickly and quietly, preferably back here as Fran."
There was a brief knock on the door and Mr Hobson came in. He quickly looked around and said, "Marcus, you can't seriously be taking David and Christopher with you?"
Before Marcus could say anything, I leapt in, "We all volunteered and there is no way you will stop me from tagging along."
"Too right," scowled Christopher.
"But David, we might need you to run computer interference," said Mr Hobson rather lamely. I think he knew he was on a losing battle. It was good to see that he had the safety of his students at heart, but now wasn't the time.
"Are you really telling me that a certain little munchkin didn't notice something amiss and isn't already causing havoc with all the computers in Moscow? If she isn't, then please get her involved. She might be able to help Skip by stopping the jamming. It's a shame they are too far for standard communications and we are reliant on the satellite to speak with them on their PDA's."
Mr Hobson turned pale. I really don't think he'd thought about Matilda. I'm sure I heard him mutter to himself that she would be the death of him.
"The rock," suddenly said Marcus.
"What?" everyone queried.
"The fake rock that Mrs Brown tried to plant at the school. It was a method of turning the short-range frequencies into something that could be picked up much further away. Some of the students might be able to put something together that we can use. It doesn't have to be there for long."
"What about the leak?" Christopher thought aloud.
"We are pretty sure the students are clean," said Mr Hobson. "All the leaks have occurred from our school, so I'll make sure I speak with Mr Moore about using some of the American students. Now, good luck and please be careful." With that, Mr Hobson left. He was still worried about us, but having something to do other than get in our way.
"Okay, let's get going," said Marcus, sounding full of confidence. "Sean, you're Felix's cover. Christopher, you're with Andy and David, you're with me."
Christopher disabled the door alarm, and we slipped through a fire door into the cold winter evening. Nobody from my old school would ever believe that I, David Grant, was in Russia, rescuing a bunch of spies. Heck, even I couldn't believe that I was involved in this. Perhaps I should change my name to Alex Rider.
We were dressed like young Russian manual labourers. Slung over Marcus's, Andy's and Felix's shoulders were three tatty looking rucksacks. In them were the items we might need for our outing. It had snowed a little while we were inside. The ground was bright white, reflecting the streetlights. It was always fun to walk on fresh powdery snow before it became compacted. I looked back, and saw our fresh tracks from the fire escape. I patted Marcus on the shoulder and pointed it out. He gave a sharp nod and tapped something on his PDA.
"Well spotted, there should be a big snowball fight in a few minutes," Marcus responded.
As we got closer to the target, Felix and Sean quietly slipped away. It didn't take long before we were standing by a few trees, outside a rather unremarkable concrete building.
"Access gained," I heard Sean's voice say in my earpiece. It would still be a few minutes before Felix was ready to kill the power.
"Okay, team." Marcus rummaged inside my rucksack and handed each of us what looked like a six centimetre round disk with a rather large handle on it. "These sonic projectors kick a little, so make sure that you brace yourselves before firing."
I moved off with Marcus, leaving Christopher with Andy. At Felix's signal, we would attack opposite ends of the building, splitting up the resources of the small team of night guards. I just hope they hadn't put on too many extras since they expected the alpha team. I wondered if they knew about us.
"Off in thirty." Felix's voice rang in our ears.
I braced myself against the wall of the building next to it, aimed at my target, and fired my sonic projector. The sound of splintering glass filled the air, soon accompanied by an ear piercing alarm. Ten seconds before power off. It wasn't long before we saw the shadows of running guards and we withdrew further into the shadow of the neighbouring building.
Three.
Two.
One.
The lights went out, not just in the target building, but also in the surrounding buildings. The alarm stopped and we were enveloped with silence. I thought it was quiet, but our ears soon picked up the constant background sound of Moscow's traffic. I hoped Felix had been able to cover up his work, so it took them longer to find the break.
"Alpha One, do you read us," quietly spoke Marcus.
"Thanks for the diversion. We are out of here, see you back at Snooze Station."
Snooze Station? That must have been the lamest codename I'd ever heard. Well, I suppose I hadn't heard many. The person who came up with that as a code name for the hotel needs to go back to school. There was no more conversation with the alpha team over our encrypted channel; it might be used to triangulate our position.
"Do we go back to Snooze Station too?" I asked Marcus.
"Not yet. First, we need to meet our other halves and then decide."
We quietly made our way back through the park to where Christopher and Andy were hiding amongst the trees. As we approached, we heard Andy suddenly yell "DUCK!"
Duck? Quack? I didn't have time for any other strange thoughts as Marcus grabbed me and pulled me to the snow covered ground. Two gunshots broke the silence. I quickly glanced up to make sure that Christopher was okay. He was standing there next to Andy. Both were holding pistols.
"Two armed guards were following you," explained Andy as we both hugged our partners. This wasn't really the time for a reunion party. Others would have heard the gunshots and police would be called to investigate. We had to get out of here.
"Beta One Bravo, do you read me?" Marcus said into his lapel microphone.
"Roger, we have the package and are about to extract the team."
"Do you need any assistance?"
"A bigger party would be helpful. A few minutes ago, a larger search team arrived. I reckon we have twenty minutes."
"Okay, party crashers on their way. Stand by for rock-and-roll."
Rock and Roll? I wonder what Marcus meant by that. I think I must read up more on the code words.
"Sorry gang," said Marcus to the three of us. "It looks like we have a bit more fun left this evening."
Fun? Was Marcus serious? I think he could do with his head examining. Actually, a nice chat with Rachel might not be a bad idea. We quickly set off towards the other target.
Andy took me to one side. "If we have to split up later, please make sure that Beta One gets back to Snooze Station safely. Certain medical tasks need to be done several times a day and I know that would get missed if Beta One wasn't reminded."
It made me smile slightly hearing even Andy refer to his partner and lover by code rather than name. We hadn't uttered each other's names since leaving the hotel.
"Don't worry, just make sure you look after mine, and I'll look after yours."
We both had a little smirk about that before rushing to catch up with ones we would watch over and that would watch over us.
"Halt!"
We weren't far from where we planned to cause some disruption. A policeman had got out of his car. "What are you doing in this area?"
"We are just going to the metro station," Marcus said in perfect local Russian. Now I was glad that Jessica and Wendy had been able to teach us what we needed.
"That's okay," he agreed. "We have a Chechen alert, so be careful."
With those kind words, we went towards the metro station under the watchful gaze of the policeman. When we went round the corner, we saw that not only were the police out in force, but there seemed to be some military as well.
"This isn't good," said Christopher, very much understating the situation.
"Noose tightening," said Marcus, on the beta communication system.
"Acknowledged," came Skip's terse reply.
"There's less military activity to the east," came a small girl's voice via the PDA system. "Working on police tracking now."
I looked at the others to see they were also surprised to hear Matilda, though I've never been so glad to hear that voice. It was so nice to know that someone was watching our backs.
"Isn't that building over there one that was marked on our maps as being closed for refurbishment?" asked Andy.
"Yes, plan on hiding there?" I responded, wondering what their plan was.
"It looks like it needs demolishing," outlined Marcus.
Demolishing? Oh great, now that will attract attention. We walked right past one of the military vehicles on the way. I wanted to rush past, but Marcus kept us all at a steady pace. I couldn't believe it when Andy casually stopped to re-tie his shoelace. When Marcus and Andy entered the building, Christopher and I were left to keep a subtle watch.
"I'm a bit nervous about this," I admitted to Christopher. I hoped our quiet chatter made it look like were two locals waiting for friends.
"Yes, I know what you mean. We are two teenagers and it isn't something that a nineteen year old would get involved with, let alone two thirteen year olds. We are both standing here, 2,500 kilometres from home with armed police and soldiers standing in spitting distance, looking for us though thankfully they don't know it. I just hope we both reach our fourteenth birthdays."
"At least you only have a few weeks before your birthday."
"You'll get to yours, too."
"I'm taking over as your electronic ears," a familiar voice interrupted our banter. "Your previous guide is concentrating on the others."
Christopher and I exchanged smiles. It was good to know that Fran was back safely.
"Our satellite will be out of range in twenty minutes. In a few minutes, an update will download and reset your system. You will be out of communication for forty seconds. If the new uplink fails, there is a backup link. See you on the other side."
I tried to think of the satellites we used, and there wouldn't be anything giving coverage, so I wondered what system we would be using. Also, was it legitimate use, or had one of them hijacked it. I turned my back on the soldier's activity, so I could look at my PDA without being noticed. It didn't take long, the PDA went down and when it came back the signal was identified by the name SKYNET.
Skynet? I stifled my laughter.
"We're back," I said, letting Fran know it worked.
Marcus and Andy came out of the building, their rucksack looking significantly less full than when they went in. Marcus must have seen my smile, as he gave me an enquiring look.
I showed both Andy and Marcus my PDA and smiled and nodded. If it wasn't for us being in shooting distance of a heavily armed squad, they would have both been laughing. "I wouldn't just blame that one person. To get that to work would have taken a few additional people."
"Let's get moving, we don't have long," prodded Andy. "We'll see you two later."
My heart sank as I watched Christopher walk away with Andy. Why couldn't I have been with Christopher? Marcus led me in a different direction and my love was soon out of sight. We were also away from the army, which was a good thing.
"He'll be okay. If not, I'll track Beta Two down and kill him for not keeping his nose clean. You seemed a bit worried about others helping to keep us in touch."
"It's more people that know the secret," I sighed.
"I think most suspected."
"Yes, but there is a difference between knowing and suspecting."
"It looks like you will be having a harder time next year, sorry."
"Next year?"
"I won't be around next year, and someone has to be Beta One. I know someone in charge has great hopes for you."
"Aren't I too young? Wouldn't it be best to be the same as the head pupil?"
"It would be, but they aren't up to this excitement. They have all been tested in some ways to see how they would react. It's either you, or Beta Three next year, but you saw how Beta Three differed from you earlier. Damn, my PDA is resetting. Can you get hold of Beta One Bravo and tell him to brace for diversion."
I relayed as instructed and a few seconds later, the sound of an explosion broke through the night. I could hear nothing apart from my ears ringing. It was followed with another explosion; this one seemed larger.
When I'd slightly recovered, I quivered, "Two?"
"The van where Andy tied his shoelace was the first one, the building the second."
"But it might have killed someone," I said horrified.
"Maybe, but the type of explosives we used are designed to give a loud bang, but not have that much destructive power. With a little luck, there will be nothing more than blown out windows in the area. The building might be unsafe, but it shouldn't have collapsed. Let's hope it attracts attention and takes people away from where we don't want them to be."
"I feel sorry for the people back at Snooze Station," I thought aloud. "If they are monitoring radio traffic, it is going to get very busy."
In the distance, we heard some more explosions. I looked at Marcus, who looked surprised too. It sounded too far for it to have been caused by Andy and Christopher.
"It sounds like some of our alpha team had a similar idea," Marcus whispered, after a moment's thought.
"Search team has left and alpha team extracted," said a very relieved Skip.
"What now?" I asked Marcus.
"We go to Snooze Station and relax, hopefully."
"Relax, after this?"
"We also pray that our partners aren't too horny," laughed Marcus. I almost shuddered at that thought.
"In twenty meters there is an alley on your right, take it quickly," Ingrid informed us.
Without a moment's thought, Marcus and I ran for the alley and ducked into its shadows, just before a military truck drove past. Ingrid and others at Snooze Station were our eyes, overseeing our safety. If they told us to do something, we would do it without hesitation.
Ingrid interrupted my thoughts. "Beta One Bravo needs assistance. The area they are has been blocked."
"Who is nearest?" Marcus responded.
"You are, but you can't move for another three minutes, as another truck will drive past."
"I have transport available," Andy announced. "Traffic appears to be lighter than usual. I can be there in three minutes."
My heart sank. I'd been hoping that Christopher would see no more action.
Marcus came and put his arm around me. "You have a go," he confirmed to Andy via his lapel microphone.
My heart sank into my boots. Marcus knew how I felt, and yet he carried on. I thought he was supposed to care. I roughly removed his arm from around me.
"Do you think I like sending Beta Two into an area like that?" Marcus murmured, sounding rather hurt.
"Then why did you?"
"If I hadn't given the go ahead, he would have gone anyway. We can't leave people in trouble."
"But what if it gets more people in trouble," I persisted.
"We would have been told if Snooze Station thought it was too dangerous."
Too dangerous? Heck, we've nearly been caught ourselves a few times and Andy had shot someone, or was it Christopher?
The second military vehicle rumbled slowly past, sounding rather like a badly maintained tractor. I looked at Marcus, who held up his hand signalling we should wait. As we stood impatiently in the shadows it started snowing, not heavily, but a gentle flurry, which speckled our coats with white.
"All clear," our guardian angel eventually informed us.
We trudged through the snow towards the hotel, our eyes constantly looking for trouble, and our ears listening for information on our love ones. We made it back to Snooze Station without issue. Ingrid was waiting by the emergency door and after gently tapping our special knock we were let in.
"What's the news?" Marcus and I both asked her at once.
"Come with me," Ingrid responded. I swallowed, trying to keep my frustration under control. We followed her to Kriss's room and there was small group beavering away. It was all adults. All the other beta's and any other student helpers were now gone.
"Welcome back," Mr Moore greeted us.
"What's their status?" Marcus asked.
"Everyone is back, apart from the four you know about. We know that they got into the square and something happened. There were gunshots heard, and we know the car Andy was driving left the area at high speed. However, we have lost track on where the car is. One of the other teams is actively looking for them."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 44
Can the missing four be found before it is too late?
"What can I do?" I asked plaintively.
The two headmasters exchanged knowing glances, before Mr Hobson told us, "First, you and Marcus need to go back to your rooms and change. Fran is currently in with Dr Ruiz. Ingrid will follow next, then Stacy and finally you. The Manor Betas are currently chatting with Dr Hanson."
"I mean, about helping get the four back."
"We're working on it," Mr Moore assured us. "At the moment, there is too much activity for you to go out safely and I'm not going to put any of you in unnecessary danger. We have a full Alpha team working here and a full team out on the search. The Beta's have been stood down, unless something extraordinary happens. Well done, all of you."
"But-"
"Come on, David," murmured Marcus, putting his arm around my shoulder. "Let's go and get changed. We also need to get some food. All that running around will have made us hungry."
"But I'm not hungry," I whined, as we closed the door behind us.
"You need to keep up your strength, just in case we need to go out again," he explained, when we were far enough from the room.
"Oh," I uttered, cheering up. I was worried that everyone had abandoned Christopher.
In the lift to our floor, Marcus added, "Look, I'll come to your room in ten minutes and we'll grab some food. We can have a bit of a chat then, alright?"
"Yeah, sure." When we got to our floor, we went in opposite directions toward our rooms. I pulled out my room key, well swipe card, and unlocked the door. I was quite surprised to see all of the year from both schools camped out in there. The only ones not there were Helen, Ruth and Michelle.
"Oh, hi," I said rather lamely as everyone looked at my dishevelled face. I braced myself for a grilling.
The stunned silence was soon replaced by the expected torrent of questions.
"Where are Helen, Ruth and Michelle?"
"Are you okay?"
"Was it exciting?"
"Why do you look so crap?"
I wearily held up my hands. It wasn't until then that I realised how tired I was. The room quickly went quiet.
"Ruth and Michelle are having a chat with Ellen. Jill, Julia is back, but rather busy at the moment. Now, I need to go and have a shower and get changed."
I grabbed some clothes from my suitcase, and rushed into the bathroom, a hail of questions following me. As I slammed the door shut, I could hear them settle down. I quickly stripped and jumped under the warm water. I was of two minds; to either have a quick shower just in case Helen returned, or have a slow one so I didn't have to answer any of their questions. The thought of being there for Helen was more important to me, so I was soon drying my hair, and dressing.
I tentatively opened the door, hoping that everyone would have gone; they hadn't. Sighing to myself, I put on a smile, fully opened the door and went into the room.
"Sorry that everyone drowned you in questions." Melissa pulled me down to sit between herself and Aurora.
"It's okay. Did anything happen while I was out?"
"Jessica got asked to use her specialist skills," added Sam.
"Oh," I said, looking at Jessica. "So you know what was going on?"
"Not fully. I was asked to help a few others with some satellite information. Anyway, I wasn't the only person helping."
There was a small gap in the conversation. I think most knew some of what was happening, but like Jessica, didn't want to ask.
"Where's Helen?" asked Erika.
I swallowed hard. "She's not back yet."
I was immediately hugged by Melissa and Aurora. "Is there anything we can do?"
"Pray."
My standard travel PDA warbled. Grabbing it, I looked at the screen, hoping that it would be some important information. When I saw it was Stacy, my anticipation grew.
"Yes?" I queried, my voice full of hope.
"Oh, sorry, I've no news. I'm just being asked a lot of questions here, so I'll be late eating."
"It's okay; I'm getting the same treatment. See you in a bit then."
Every eye in the room looked at me. Luckily I was saved by a knock on the door. Anna rushed to the door and, standing on tiptoes, looked through the spy hole. She quickly flung open the door and ushered in Ruth and Michelle.
Again, a barrage of questions were flung at the people who'd just entered the room. Ruth and Michelle just stood and waited for everyone to calm down.
"Wow, lots of questions. I take it that Jayne hasn't told you very much."
"She really hasn't said anything, apart from Helen isn't back."
"There are a lot of road blocks around Moscow, as there have been a few explosions. The Chechens are being blamed."
"So what exactly were you-" started Sam.
I interrupted, "Wait until we are back at school and in our common-room. This isn't something that should be discussed here."
"Certainly not," Ruth quickly agreed.
"Any other secrets you've been hiding from us?" asked Jessica.
"I hope not," I replied.
"I'm sorry we kept it to ourselves," said Michelle. "However, it isn't something that was, or should be discussed."
"All I ask is don't share your ideas on this with anybody, and I mean anybody. If you want to discuss between yourselves, then please wait until we are at school and when you are alone," requested Ruth.
There was another knock, which I recognised as Stacy's. I was glad, as she wouldn't be staying. I don't think we could fit anybody else into the room.
"Anybody else want to go for a late night snack?" Stacy asked, calling into the room.
"That sounds fun," said Lewis, getting up from the corner of my bed.
"Why not," laughed Brian. "I've never had a late night meal before. Sounds fun."
"Most of years five and H are with me," added Stacy.
"Oh, why not," nodded Aurora.
I think everyone either being like sheep or just not wanting to miss something, followed. I was so glad that the hotel restaurant was open late, due to it being the New Year festivities. Even so, they looked like they were about to close.
"Can you fit in …" Stacy stopped to count how many there was. She gave up and said, "Can you fit in a lot of us?"
"Didn't you all eat earlier?" the rather elderly waiter asked, looking rather confused. We all liked him, as extra things always appeared with our meals.
"It's all these explosions and crazy stuff that's been happening," Michelle replied, a rather worried look on her face. "We're all a little upset and can't sleep. It's a bit tight, squeezing all of us in the same room."
"Why don't you all make yourselves at home in the corner over there," he said. "I'll be across in a minute to see what you want."
This hotel was a lot more personal than the one in France. It wasn't as big and therefore the staff always seemed to be the same. At Disney, I don't think I saw the same person twice and we were there for a lot longer. My thoughts were distracted when the waiter appeared again and we ordered a lot of unhealthy food. I was glad I'd missed the main meal; apparently the main course had tasted disgusting.
I felt a bit better after some food and some distracting conversation. As we finished up, Stacy said, "Everyone should try and get some sleep tonight. We have to be at the airport in good time."
Stacy almost looked ill as she said that. She was doing her job as head girl, but I knew what she was thinking. I didn't want to leave here without Helen and I know she didn't want to leave without Andy.
As we went up the stairs, Stacy and I were at the back. "Can we have a chat for a moment?"
"My room would be quieter," she said.
I shook my head, "I think we need to talk to Jill a bit. She has been very down since the concert and funny as it sounds, I think she is one of the only ones that doesn't have a clue."
"What did you tell everyone when they grilled you?"
"That we would discuss things when we got back to the common-room at Hayfield, but in the meantime, not to discuss any ideas with anyone until we were safely home."
"Sounds about the same as what I said. I knew you'd be good at this type of thing."
When we got to the room we found Jill crying. Anna had her arm round her, trying to be a comfort. That was the problem with sharing a hotel room; you can never tell what you might walk into.
"A bit of a hard day, wasn't it?" Stacy asked, as she came into the room.
Jill and Anna hadn't realised Stacy was with me and jumped in surprise.
"Sorry for startling you," she apologised.
"It's okay," sniffed Jill, grabbing a tissue from her bag and wiping away the tears.
"Would you like to go and see your Dad?" Stacy asked gently.
"Isn't that against the rules?" gasped Jill, understanding Stacy's meaning. Dad, not Julia. Family not teacher.
"Do you understand anything that has happened since the concert?"
"I'm not sure," muttered Jill. "You probably think I'm thick or something."
"Not at all," I said. "You have had some obvious worries and not had time to think about it much."
"So, let's go and see your Dad now, and then you can be updated," persuaded Stacy.
Jill got up and started to follow Stacy. Anna stayed where she was.
"Anna, you can come too," I added. "No secrets from partners."
I expected us to go to Kriss's room, which is where all the activity had been, but instead we went down the corridor and knocked on a door.
"Come," Julia called.
Jill didn't know how to act. She stood there rather shyly in the open doorway, glancing between Julia and Anna. Anna shook her head slightly and pushed Jill towards Julia. Jill didn't need any more prompting and was soon in a huge hug with her surviving parent.
"Stacy and I have a few things to do, so we'll see you both later," I announced, pulling Stacy out of the room.
"I wonder how much Julia is planning to tell them," I mused, after I'd shut the door.
"Everything."
"Everything? Including the stuff about when her mum died?"
"Everything."
"Wow, that’s going to be a heavy chat." I paused, something which had been nagging me suddenly made sense. It was as if a light bulb was suddenly flashing above my head. "When did you set this up?"
"Earlier. You told me how concerned Jill had been about Julia, and then when I saw how upset she was, I sent a text message to Julia while we were eating downstairs . You just got there a bit before me, by suggesting we talk to Jill."
We'd been walking along chatting when I came to a stop. "Why are we at my room?" Stacy asked, sounding puzzled.
"Because someone you know very well, mentioned that in all the excitement you might need prompting to do some medical stuff you need to do."
"Thanks," she smiled, her cheeks going a bit pink. "I'm just glad they put post-op people in twin rooms instead of quads. It makes it much less embarrassing."
I wasn't quite sure what Andy had meant when he mentioned Stacy having to do certain medical things. I was still in the dark, but by the way Stacy acted, I was even more reluctant to ask. "I'm due to see Rachel in a minute. I do have a favour to ask for when I'm finished with her."
"What?"
"Will you spend the night in our room? I know I'll miss Helen, so I'm sure you don't want to be alone."
She agreed, and at a buzz from my PDA, we pried ourselves apart. "Time to go see Rachel." I sighed. "See you later."
We went our separate ways. My notification to see Rachel included her room number, so it was easy to find her. I'd had a few chats with her since my attempted suicide, but we'd kept off anything too serious. I wonder if she’ll be upset with me for going out with the team? I quickly suppressed that thought. Rachel has never been judgemental. She might ask me questions I didn't want to answer, or make me look at things in a way I hadn't thought, but even when I'd tried to commit suicide, she hadn't been angry.
After knocking and being let in, I was quite surprised to see her in jeans and t-shirt. Even when we were on holiday in France, she was always dressed smarter.
"Where's your nice settee?" I asked, trying to hide my nervousness.
"I couldn't fit it in my suitcase," she laughed. "Why don't you make yourself comfortable on my bed? It's a lot better than standing by the door."
I perched myself at the edge of the bed. "You can make yourself more comfortable than that," Rachel laughed. "I would be grateful though if you would take off your trainers if you're going to lie down."
"Perhaps later," I replied.
"You seem to have had a busy evening. Why don't you tell me what happened?"
"Haven't you heard it from Stacy?"
"I've heard her views. Why don't you give me yours?"
"Well the alpha team got trapped and we had to go and help get them out. Andy or Christopher shot a security guard and to distract the searchers, we blew up a few things. Marcus and I got stuck in an ally, so Andy and Christopher had to rescue Skip and Ed."
"That appears to be a rather abbreviated version of events. So, Andy and Christopher shot someone. Why did they do that?"
"I don't know; it was all so quick. Marcus and I were walking towards Andy and Christopher. Andy shouted something and Marcus pulled me to the ground. Next thing I know, I heard shots and when I looked up, Andy and Christopher had their handguns out."
"How do you know it was a security guard?"
"I looked and saw him just behind us."
I started shaking. As I thought back to the incident, I could see a gun lying next to him on top of the compacted snow. If it hadn't been for Andy or Christopher, I might have been dead.
Dead? I can't die yet. I’m only thirteen. I have so much to do, so much to see, so much new food to taste. My mum. I started to cry. What will happen to my mum if I die? She is just getting her life back together. Would it set her back?
My thoughts were interrupted as I felt the bed move and an arm gently holding me. "What were you thinking?"
I fumbled, trying to grab a tissue. When I was seeing Rachel at Hayfield, I knew there was always a stack of tissues there. There were some on the tables in front of the settee, and next to the chairs. Here, the nearest box of tissues was … oh, in Rachel's hand.
"Thanks," I sniffed, and then blew loudly. The worst thing about crying was the runny nose. I hated the taste if I cried too much without clearing up.
"Sorry?" I said, trying to get my mind in gear.
"What were you thinking?"
"That I was too young to die and if it wasn't for my friends, I would be dead now."
"But I thought you wanted to die? Didn't you try to commit suicide the other week?"
"Even for you, that wasn't on," I said angrily, jumping up. "Today was about trying to save others. I wasn't looking to be a hero or a ... a, someone who gets rewarded for dying while doing something heroic."
"A martyr?" offered Rachel, not moving from where she was.
"That sounds like the right word, martyr. I wasn't trying to be a martyr. I thought you knew what the beta program was about, it was you who told us about it when we started school."
"Didn't Mr Hobson ask you not to go out? Didn't he say you were too young?"
"Yes."
"Then why did you?"
My anger had started to fade, but I was now getting a bit frustrated. "Because he was thinking of us and not what needed to be done. Who else could have gone out to help the alpha team? Would you and Mr Hobson have gone to one building, and Mr Moore and Dr Hanson to the other?"
"We could."
"Mr Hobson didn't offer. Are either of you trained for something like that?"
"No, but neither are you, though you have been trained how to handle a gun and a few other things. The only ones in your group that have are Stacy and Andy. So, if you weren't aiming to be a martyr, why did you go?"
"I didn't think it was so dangerous. We just needed to cause a diversion and we'd be out of there."
"And now?"
"Now I'm worried about Helen. Nobody knows where she is, and she hasn't contacted us.
I plonked myself back down on the bed and burst into tears. Perhaps if I hadn't accepted coming to the school, then Helen wouldn't have either, she wouldn't have been a beta and then she wouldn't be missing now. I tried to articulate my thoughts in between the sobs, nose blowing, and general strange noises I make when I'm upset.
"You can't go living your life with regrets. You made the choices you did and Helen made hers. She didn't have to come to this school. She didn't have to join the beta team. She didn't have to go out tonight."
"But-" I stopped myself.
"But?"
"It doesn't matter."
"Come on, Jayne. Tell me what you were going to say. It's always best to get it off your chest."
"It's silly, really."
"So, have I ever laughed at you?"
"Suppose not. Well, Helen and I look out for each other. Even if she was reluctant to go out tonight, she still would have gone, because I know that's what I would have done for her."
"And now you feel guilty that you're safe here in the hotel, and she isn't?"
"I suppose."
A knock at the door surprised me. Dr Ruiz muttered something to herself and got off the bed to find out who it was. It wasn't a knock I recognised. I tried to hear what was being said, but they were too quiet.
"Well, that was good news," said Rachel. She joined me back on the bed, rather than going to the chair she'd originally been on. "The missing four just reported in. They ditched the car they'd, um, 'borrowed' and have been hiding in the underground. They attempted to come out a while ago, but spotted troops, so went back into hiding. While underground, their phones didn't work."
"Where are they now?" I said, getting excited. "Can we go get them?"
"They're worried about coming back into the centre due to all the activity, so they're going to go out to the airport. They will spend the night at the airport hotel and we will see them tomorrow for our flight home. With all the activity, it is too dangerous for you to go and visit."
I felt as if a weight had been lifted from my mind. Helen was safe! This would be the first time for months that we hadn't slept in the same room together, but she was safe.
Since the person had kept himself hidden, I presumed he was an Alpha person, so presumed Rachel would inform Stacy, like she'd just told me. "Can I go and tell Stacy?"
"It will save me doing it." Rachel laughed at my sudden change of mood. "See you tomorrow, well later today really."
Helen is safe! Helen is safe! Wait until I get hold of her for causing me so much worry. But she's safe!
I knocked on Stacy's door. "Hang on a minute," she called. I heard some noise and eventually she let me in. She had on a dressing gown rather than her normal clothes.
"What's happened?" she said, seeing my excited face.
"They're safe," I happily reported, almost jumping up and down. "They're all safe."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 45
"That's great news," said Stacy, her eyes twinkling with happiness. "I'm just finishing something. How did you describe it earlier? Oh yes, 'some medical stuff'. I'll come to your room when I'm finished. I shouldn't be more than thirty minutes."
"I'll still be up, so I'll be able to let you in."
"Thank but that's not necessary. I have a key that opens all the doors."
"How-" I started and then decided it wasn't worth asking. I just smiled and shook my head. "I'll see you later then."
I wonder what Stacy's doing. It must be a bit private, as she seemed to get very embarrassed when the 'medical stuff' was mentioned. When I got back to the bedroom, it was empty. Anna and Jill were apparently still with Julia and I wasn't going to get to see Helen until the next day.
I lay on my bed, thinking about going to clean my teeth and get changed for sleep, but I just didn't feel like it. My bed was a comfort and because I was alone in the room, I felt very uneasy. I didn't know what it was, but every time I thought about going to the bathroom, I dreaded leaving the bed. It was as if something nasty was going to happen to me.
This is silly. After taking a few deep breaths, I sat up. Come on, David. The bathroom is only over there.
I'd only gone to the bathroom, but I felt exhausted. I decided to go to the toilet, as it would be a good chance to get myself back together. Sitting there, I heard a whooshing sound. I jumped off the seat with a yelp, causing me to leak over the floor and myself.
'It was just someone flushing the toilet in the room next door,' I berated myself, trying to dry up the pee that had trickled onto my legs.
My heart continued to pound loudly as I sorted out the floor and then cleaned my teeth. All I wanted to do was get under the bed covers and shut out the world, but I knew that I was just being silly.
I was halfway to the bed when I heard a loud bang and rushed as quickly as I could back to my bed.
"Jayne, Jayne." I dimly heard a voice calling me. I tried to focus and saw Jill and Anna looking over me. It suddenly dawned on me that I was sitting in the corner of the room, hugging Helen's pillow against my raised knees. I started to calm down, wondering how I'd got there.
Another bang. I gave a loud piercing scream. With my friends with me, I didn't lose it completely like last time.
"It's okay," I heard Stacy say. I'd buried my head in Helen's pillow again. It had a slight scent of Helen and it was somewhat comforting. "Jayne, it is just someone letting off fireworks."
"Fireworks, it's just fireworks," I began to chant to myself, trying to calm down.
"Come on Jayne, let's get you to bed," suggested Stacy. "Do you need the loo?"
I shook my head and with her help, climbed into bed.
"You nearly gave me a heart attack when I heard you scream," said Stacy, as she covered me up. "I was just about to open the door when I heard you and I thought someone was attacking you."
"I thought someone was and it turned out to be just some fireworks." I laughed rather shamefully. "Sorry about this."
"With what you've been through tonight, I'm not surprised. I feel a bit jittery too," Stacy admitted.
"I wish Helen was here," I moaned softly as I saw Anna getting into bed with Jill.
"How was your chat with your Dad?" I asked, trying to find another topic to take my mind off the image of the security guard lying in the snow. Perhaps it wasn't the right question, as they both started to cry.
"Sorry," I called, feeling even lower. Julia must have told them the information about the car accident, which had killed Jill's mum.
"Was it the same people that killed Mum that also caused the trouble tonight?" Jill asked with a sniff, as she regained some control.
"We think so," Stacy gently responded.
Jill must have been thinking about what to say as there was a pause. "Then I hope that you find who it is and stop them before someone else dies."
"Is that all?" Stacy queried.
"Okay, part of me would like to see them dead. An eye for an eye, and all that. However, Mum always taught us that revenge wouldn't do any good, just justice."
"Are you sure you aren't thirty?" I queried. When I'd been told about what had happened to Jill's mum and Jessica's dad, my thoughts were less well reasoned than hers.
Sleep wasn't easy because Helen wasn't there. I thought about ringing Helen, but she only had her Beta PDA, which might have given away her location. Have I become so conditioned in five months that I have trouble sleeping if she isn't there? I don't think I was the only one. I heard Stacy tossing in the bunk above.
"Stacy, are you okay?" I murmured over the sound of Anna snoring.
"Just a bit restless. I miss Brenda."
"Snap."
"You're missing sleeping in the same bed as Brenda?" Stacy said, her head appearing over the side of the top bunk.
"No," I laughed, once I saw how my answer could have been misinterpreted. Realising I was a bit loud, I continued in a quieter voice. "No, I'm missing Helen."
"Thank goodness for that. I was going to have words with her. Seventeen is much too old for you."
Stacy's bit of humour helped calm me down and I managed to drift off to sleep. It was a shame that it wasn't a nice sleep. In the middle of the night, my dream turned ugly and I woke to find myself sitting up, surrounded by Stacy, Jill and Anna.
"Gah, sorry," I uttered, trying to lie down to calm my racing heart. When I couldn't, I discovered I was being firmly held by Stacy.
"You have quite a fast pulse," commented Stacy. I looked down and saw she was holding two fingers to my wrist, yet I was still being firmly held. Perhaps she was also a contortionist. When I'd calmed down, Stacy gently lowered me so I was lying down. "Do you want to talk about it with Rachel, or if she isn't back, one of the other staff?"
"I'm okay now. Sorry I disturbed all of you." I didn't feel well, but I didn't want to get anybody else out of bed.
"You have one heck of a scream for me to wake up," said Jill. "Now I'm used to Anna's snoring, I sleep through most things."
"Hey, I don't snore," protested Anna.
"Why don't you two go back to bed," suggested Stacy. "I'll be a surrogate Helen."
"A what?" My overly stressed mind failed to comprehend what Stacy meant.
"If you budge over, I'm going to climb in next to you. I don't want any hanky panky, as I'd only have to tell Brenda."
I moved back and Stacy climbed in next to me. Leaning up, I was able to see that Jill and Anna were in bed, so I pressed the bedside light switch to turn off the lights. The room was again shrouded in darkness.
"Do you snuggle up to Helen?" Stacy eventually whispered. I'd been trying to lie as far from Stacy as possible. I'd never slept in the same bed as anybody but Helen and it all seemed a bit surreal.
"Yes."
"Then snuggle."
"But, what about-" I didn't want to say what I feared.
"Stop worrying. I don't bite. You aren't being unfaithful to Helen, as you're just holding onto someone to get and give comfort. What we both went through wasn't nice."
Wasn't nice? That's the understatement of the century. The stillness of the air was soon replaced by Anna's now familiar snoring.
I awoke to a small wiggle from Stacy, and I saw that it was light outside. I realised my hand was cupped in an area it shouldn't have been and quickly snatched it away.
"Sorry," I murmured.
Stacy turned round so she was facing me. "It wasn't intentional and your hand was under the duvet, so Anna and Jill wouldn't have noticed it. How do you feel?"
"I thought you'd worked that one out already," I joked, bringing my hand up from under the duvet.
Stacy smiled, and looked at me in a meaningful way.
"I'm not sure. I feel less tired. In some ways it all seems a bit of a nightmare. How about you?"
"I was worried about having a nightmare, so had been keeping myself awake," admitted Stacy. "Having you next to me, helped. I've had more training than you and I still found last night hard. I don't think anything can prepare you for someone firing a gun at you."
"It was also the way you were so calm about the explosives."
"Probably because I knew they were weak and just designed to cause a loud bang without doing much damage. That, and I knew how many there were. In retrospect, I should have told you and Christopher what to expect. You might have some internal turmoil now, but while we were out, you kept your head."
"Not afterwards. When I came in here and I was on my own, I thought I was going nuts. Every sound I heard, I thought someone was after me."
"That's why we have Rachel. We should talk to her if we have these issues. If you were worried about being alone, why didn't you say?"
"Because you were doing your medical stuff," I murmured, even quieter than we'd been.
"I'm sorry if I pushed you away last night."
"I thought Anna and Jill would have been back before me. When do you have to do your medical stuff again?"
"This morning, though I can do it after breakfast. I don't want to leave and have you get anxious again. If you need to, then come with me."
"I don't want to embarrass you. Why don't you go do it now, and then you will be free after breakfast, just in case you're needed? After all, you are the head student. Jill and Anna are here, so I'm not alone."
"I'll go when they wake up."
It was nice to know that people cared. Stacy might be a few years older than me, but she never talked down to me and we seemed to get on really well. She'd probably saved my life by pushing me to the ground, but had refused to talk about it.
"Um, can I ask you a personal question?"
"Sure. I can't say I will answer it, but I probably will."
"How did you know?" I felt my eyes getting moist talking about this hard subject. Stacy saw and held my hand.
"Know what?"
"That you were Stacy."
"I don't really know," she replied seriously. "In some ways I always knew I was a girl. It was quite a shock when I found out everyone thought I was a boy. Especially after I found out what being a boy meant."
"But how do you know that you felt like a girl? I mean, how does it feel to be a girl, or a boy?"
Stacy paused for a second. "I've no idea. I suppose it was because I could relate to what other girls thought or said. I had nothing in common with any of the boys. I found it really hard to accept the physical bits that I had, that other girls didn't. I've got to admit, you have some really strange pillow talk."
"It's some of the stuff I was talking to Andy about the other week. How did Andy cope with you changing sex?"
"By the time we worked out about dropping the study bit, I'd already told him who I was. I suppose he had to put up with a lot, especially once I started to transition and change."
"How do you cope between him being Andy and Brenda?"
"That's easier, because deep down they are the same person. No matter if he's presenting as Brenda or Andy, he has the same big heart, the same silly laugh and the same love of life."
I tried to comprehend what Stacy had said, but it really didn't make any sense to me. Well some of it did. I thought of Christopher and Helen as the same person. But were Jayne and David really the same person? How about Marcus and Stacy? That was a difficult one. I didn't know Stacy before she transitioned. Did Marcus have a different personality before he transitioned? In some respects Jessica was different from Richard, or at least she acted differently. This was all too much to think about now.
"My brain hurts too much now," I said.
"Don't rush it and certainly don't worry about it. You are you."
"Yeah, but I don't know who that is."
One thing I liked about this discussion was that it had taken my mind off last night. Stacy had been very open with me as we discussed things that I found very confusing. I certainly wasn't going to discuss sexuality, as my head would have probably exploded. I wonder if Helen and I could try this one Saturday — chatting while in bed seems to be a lot less threatening.
As Anna and Jill began to stir, I knew our private discussion had to stop. Stacy made a move to get up and I realised that getting up now wouldn't be a good move. "I'll get up in a minute," I said, trying not to let the panic show in my voice.
Stacy smiled, "Andy always wants those extra few minutes too. Will you be okay with Jill and Anna if I go and do my medical stuff?"
"Of course."
"Listen, if you need to come and see me, I'll not turn you away. I don't want you getting upset like last night."
I smiled, "Thanks."
Stacy disappeared, and after a few minutes, I got up and got myself ready. I was a bit worried about my body's reaction to Stacy; it had been similar to when I was with Helen, though not as severe. I just wish I'd had more experience in these types of things. Deciding to try to ring Helen I pulled out my PDA to find her hotels phone number. There was a silent note left on it from Rachel, not to ring Helen, as she had been up late discussing last night's activities. I sighed and pocketed my PDA.
"Sorry I worried you last night," I said to Jill, while Anna took her shower.
"It's okay. I just don't understand why you were on your own. Why didn't you wait with Stacy?"
"She had some things to take care of."
"Oh, of course," said Jill, her eyes full of understanding. "I remember when I lived at home, I once went to see Julia and she was dilating. I don't think she's ever wanted me to get out of the room as quick as she did, and I don't think I could have got out any quicker."
I nodded as if I understood what she was talking about. Dilating? What the heck is that? I would look it up when I was on my own, which due to my issues the previous night, didn't appear to be anytime soon. Jill and Anna didn't leave my side and when we went down for breakfast, others were worried it was some type of suicide prevention thing.
"Look everyone, I'm not suicidal," I said, after a lot of concern was given. "I had a bad night last night, with some really bad dreams. I'm missing Helen a lot, and people are trying to keep my mind off things. For those that don't know, Helen is okay and stayed last night at a different hotel. We will meet up at the airport."
"What happened yesterday?" Emma asked.
I shook my head. "Not now. It wasn't a nice time, but everyone is safe, which is the main thing."
Just as I was finishing breakfast, a lady came to see me. I'd seen her around Hayfield and knew she was from The Manor. What she did there, I hadn't a clue. "Sorry to disturb you. Are you Jayne?"
"Yes," I replied, looking up.
"Can I have a private word for a minute?"
"Sure." I got up and moved to one side.
"Dr Ruiz asked if I'd talk with you and Stacy later. She didn't say why, but she said it would become clear when we talked. Why don't you finish your breakfast and join me in room 315 in about twenty minutes."
"Okay." She left and I went back to my breakfast, wondering what that was all about. "I must be half asleep, but I forgot to ask that lady her name and I have to see her in twenty minutes," I said to Melissa, who was sitting just opposite me. "Do you know her?"
"That’s Edith Covington. She's umm, well, she's well ... she's one of the school's therapists."
"There's more to it than that," I said, noticing the way she hesitated.
"I don't like gossiping, but ... she's also Matilda's mum."
"Ah, thanks. But I doubt the reason she wants to talk to me is about Matilda. I just can't understand why I'm not seeing Rachel. Anyway, I better finish off quickly. I need to pack as we will be off to the airport after my chat."
"Don't worry about that," said Jill. "I'll pack yours. I noticed you did Helen's while I got my shower, and yours was mostly done."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, now sit and finish your breakfast properly!"
At the agreed time, I made my way to room 315. As I approached, I saw Stacy coming from the other direction. Together we knocked on the door and went in.
"Have a seat on the bed," she offered. "Do either of you have any idea why Rachel would ask me to speak with you? She said we should discuss last night."
I looked at Stacy, waiting for her to take the lead. "I suppose things were a bit scary with all the explosions. The news said it was the Chechens."
Stacy and I both whipped out our PDA's as they tinged; it was from Rachel. 'A lady called Edith Covington will be seeing you. Ellen says that Edith can be trusted. She doesn't know, but it is about time she does. She has some skills to help you deal with last night.' We looked at each other and put away out PDA's.
"That was Rachel," Stacy explained.
"Perhaps now you can tell me what happened last night and why would a Hayfield psychiatrist want two of her charges to see me?"
"Do you have a specialist skill, besides being a general therapist?" Stacy countered.
"Yes, I specialised in trauma caused by violence. In particular, trauma as a result of violence where a gun was involved."
"Ah," said Stacy and I together. Things began to make sense.
"I'll let you explain," I said to Stacy. "When I explained what happened to Rachel, she thought I was skipping over things."
Stacy explained about the reason behind the school trip and the Alpha team's job to get the information.
"So how does this involve you?"
Stacy nodded to me and I continued, "We're part of what's called the Beta team. We don't really do anything unless something goes wrong with the Alpha team. We get additional training so that we can join the Alpha teams when we're older. The Alpha teams were trapped last night due to some security that had been recently added. So, after the concert, we went to help get them out."
I suppose this all sounded rather fantastic and I'm not sure if Edith believed us. She just nodded and encouraged me to tell her the rest, which I did.
"It sounds like you had one heck of an evening," Edith said, sounding very unsure about what she'd heard.
"You don't believe us, do you?" said Stacy, getting up.
"It's just that it sounds so ... fanciful. A school as a cover for spies ... I ask you, who would believe such a thing?"
"That’s why it's a great cover," I said, dragging Stacy back to the bed. "Who would believe it? Anyway, I've just had an idea on how to persuade you this is the truth."
I pulled out my PDA and rang a number. "Hi, I'm with a councillor from The Manor. Dr Ruiz asked Stacy and me to discuss what happened last night, but she doesn't believe me. I'm pretty sure she will probably believe you."
I handed over the phone to Edith who took it and said "Hello?"
Edith listened and didn't say anything else. Her face slowly lost its colour and by the end of the call, it was almost white. I don't think she was very happy.
"Sorry," I offered. It wasn't much, but it was all I could say.
"I'm sorry, too," said Edith handing me back my PDA. "I should have believed you." She took a second to get her thoughts together. "Who do you think shot the guard?"
"There were two shots and two guards," said Stacy.
"When I think back, I can only remember one. I remember Christopher and Andy there with their guns out and looking back seeing a guard on the ground, his gun next to him."
"Don't worry about the number of guards for now," Edith said smoothly, stopping us from arguing. "How do you both feel about the shooting? Stacy, why don't you go first? Did the incident play on your mind last night in bed?"
"How did you know?"
"I presume you are the leader of this Beta group, and that perhaps you're afraid of showing that you are human. Tell me, did you have any bad dreams?"
"At first I refused to sleep, as I was frightened I'd get nightmares again. Jayne is aware, as I told her last night. Jayne also knows I still occasionally get nightmares from when I was raped when younger."
"What about you Jayne, any nightmares?"
I shivered, as Edith's prompting reminded me. "I only had one nightmare last night, but it was bad enough to wake everyone in the room."
"Only the one?"
I glanced at Stacy who nodded. "Stacy stayed in our room last night, so she wouldn't be alone. She came down from the top bunk and slept next to me. It helped us both, I think. Earlier in the evening I had a mini breakdown. I was alone in the bedroom and I was uneasy the whole time. When a firework went off it seemed I couldn't cope and cried in a corner. That's how Stacy and the other two I shared with found me. I've not been alone since and I've felt okay."
We discussed our feelings about what happened in several different ways. How we thought about the guns and explosions. When we were finished, Edith seemed quite pleased. After the shock of what we'd told her, she seemed to understand the fright and fears that both of us had.
"All right, I'd like to see you both again tomorrow after breakfast. I will arrange to see Andy and Helen after you. Until I'm up to speed with how they feel, I would like to keep it as pairs." She looked at us both to be sure we understood. "I know that Andy and Helen are both your study partners, but please don't discuss what we talked about until I say. I don't want your comments to colour what they say themselves. And don't worry about hiding from them, as I'll explain it to them when I see them at the airport."
We both reluctantly agreed.
She paused and looked to be struggling how to ask something. "One other thing that is a bit difficult and is highly unofficial; but, how is my daughter involved?"
"Matilda isn't a Beta member," I responded. That prompt helped Stacy understand. She mustn't have been informed that Edith was Matilda's mother. "She wasn't out last night, but I know she did have a hand in making sure we were safely guided."
"The best person to speak with is Kriss," said Stacy. "I only deal with the Hayfield Beta team."
"Thank you. Well, I will see you both tomorrow."
"How do you feel now?" Stacy asked, as we wandered towards our rooms.
"Knackered. You?"
"About the same. I'm going to make sure all the suitcases are ready, so I'll see you later."
I went part of the way with her. Before we had to go different ways, Stacy asked, "Do you want me to go with you to your room?"
"Thanks, but I think I'll be okay."
As she moved away, I hurried to my room only to find that not only had Jill and Anna taken care of packing, but they'd also taken the luggage downstairs, ready to go on the coach. I felt like the walls of the room were closing on me and I ran out of the room, trying to tell myself that I was just being silly. I ran to Stacy's room and banged urgently on her door.
There must have been something on my face that showed my fear as Stacy dragged me into her room. Only then did I see the fear on her face as well. We held each other and the fear we both felt dissipated. "I wondered if you wanted some help with packing," I said, trying not to sob.
Stacy let me go, replying, "Thanks. That would be a great help."
The conversation was light and we ended up discussing her guitar playing. I still had trouble picturing Stacy as a rocker, but what should a rocker look like? I was only able to go by the music videos we often had on in our year room. When we're on the run up to field trips, all communications happen in the language of the country we're going to and that includes the television. I think we were all starved for MTV. Stacy had a good laugh when I mentioned that, and readily agreed.
"I feel a bit of an idiot now," I said, as we zipped up the last cases; everything packed. "I should have just gone down to reception and met up with the others."
"I'm glad you came to me. I wasn't as bad as you, but I certainly felt better having your company. I think it is going to take a while for us to get over this. Besides, I don't think most of the others would understand."
"Oh, just what I want, lots of chats with Rachel," I replied sarcastically.
"Are you having trouble talking with her?"
"No, not really." I tried to find the words to mask how I felt, but couldn't. "I find her really easy to talk to, but she sometimes asks me things which I don't want to answer."
"What do you mean?"
"She asks me things that I don't want to think about. Sometimes I like to bury issues and not think about them. I know that isn't good for me in the long run, and I should deal with things. It just sometimes I feel that I might lose myself."
"Like what you talked about with Andy?"
"Yeah, I suppose," I said, looking surprised.
"No secrets between partners," Stacy reminded me.
"Whoever came up with that rule should be shot." I winced when I said that. Over the last day I'd learnt that there was a big difference between shooting on a range and what happened last night.
"Yeah, along with the person who came up with the 'not seeing family' rule, too," agreed Stacy. "Let's get these cases downstairs. It's time we went home."
In reception, we found we were among the last to arrive. "May I have your attention," requested Mr Moore when everyone was accounted for. "Before we get on the coaches, I have a quick update for everyone. This evening, there will be two special meetings. Please check your PDA's when we get back to England."
The trip to the airport was problem free. There were police everywhere, but the military seemed to have disappeared. As we neared the airport I got more excited, in a few minutes I would be with Helen. Indeed, when we drew up at the drop-off point, there waiting for us were the four missing students, Dr Ruiz, and Dr Hansen.
I couldn't wait to get off the coach and was glad I wasn't near the back. Helen mustn't have known which coach I was on, and kept glancing to see if she could spot me. I thought about sneaking up to her, but then remembered what we'd been through and didn't think it wise. I waved and it attracted her attention. By the time I'd made my way to the front of the coach, she was there waiting.
I don't think my feet touched the ground, as Helen scooped me up into her arms. We looked fondly at each other and our lips gently came together.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 46
After the issues surrounding the Russian trip, will there be any more concerts abroad?
Thankfully, the trip back to Hayfield was uneventful. Whoever was behind the leak had probably resigned themselves to the fact that the information had been sent elsewhere electronically and there was no point in further exposure. The bad news was there was definitely a leak. If they didn't know of the Beta team before, they probably did now. If they'd known about the Betas, why hadn't the word spread?
Because we were flying west, we arrived only an hour after setting off, which I thought was quite spooky, but I hadn't done any long distance flying before. The school took care of the luggage, so once we'd passed through passport control, we boarded the waiting coaches.
I'd never been so glad to see the gates of Hayfield as when they swung open majestically upon our arrival. This had been one very unusual, and very stress filled field trip. The time before the concert had been educational, with a smattering of fun. I'd never known anything like the euphoria of the actual concert. Finally, there had been the terror of the rescue, but it was also tinged with the satisfaction that I'd helped.
Checking in the travel PDA's was as fun as it normally was. A few cracked jokes as they waited, but we were all used to the chore and everyone in our year room was patient. The television and radio were back showing the full range of channels and were blaring out some great tunes. It felt good to be back to normal.
"Why don't we all meet back here in a little bit," Helen suggested, as I finished the last PDA. "I know I need a shower."
When we got to our rooms, Helen followed me into my room. This wasn't unusual, my door was the first, and she normally used the interconnecting door to get to her room. Instead of going next door, Helen took my hand and led me to the settee and we tried to make up for the kisses we'd both missed out on.
"I slept with Stacy," I blurted out as we broke for air.
"You WHAT?" shouted Helen, breaking away from me. I thought she would have been pissed, but she seemed more shocked and confused.
I realised she thought we'd got up to more than sleeping. "No, you've misunderstood. She just slept next to me, due to my nightmare. We didn't do anything naughty. Heck, Jill and Anna were in the same room."
"Oh," said Helen, a small impish grin appearing on her face. "So, nothing happened then?"
"Not really."
"Explain!" Helen demanded, the grin disappearing.
"We woke up to find my left hand was-" I broke off and blushed. Helen just burst out laughing.
"Your hand seems to do that a lot to me, too," she continued to laugh.
"So you're not upset?"
"I'm sure it was an accident. I think it's rather funny."
"I hope Andy does, too. So did you also have nightmares?"
"With the amount of therapy we got last night, there wasn't a chance. Also-" Helen blushed. "We slept in the same bed, too."
"Sleep slept, or … " I wiggled my eyebrows in a suggestive manner.
"We were too tired to even think about anything other than sleep, and we didn't wake up to find his hand over my breast."
"I really missed you," I said, pulling Helen back onto my lap.
After a few more minutes of kissing, Helen said, "We better get our showers."
I nodded and as she disappeared I felt a bit apprehensive, but knowing that Helen was only next door kept me from freaking out. I'd thought about inviting her into the shower with me, but knew that unless a suicide alert had been called, this would be breaking one of the main school rules.
Not wanting to be alone led to a quick shower. I debated if Helen would like me as Jayne for the rest of the day, but since she'd not mentioned it, I decided to be dress as David.
I was just finishing getting dressed when Helen opened the interconnecting door. As the door opened I swung round to see her. An almighty scream pieced my ears and I wondered exactly how soundproof the rooms were. As I approached her, she fainted.
This wasn't like the Helen I knew. Without hesitation I pulled out my PDA and pressed the "Emergency" button on the screen. That connected me to Rachel instantly.
"Yes?" came the calm voice of Rachel.
"We'd just been getting changed, and when Helen came in the room she screamed and then fainted and hit her head as she fell. She's still not awake."
"I'm on my way. Please stay with her."
What did she think I was going to do? Leave her lying here while I go down to the common room?
I sat besides Helen, gently stroking her face, murmuring "It'll be okay" over and over. I don't know if I was trying to convince Helen or myself.
Helen started to come round just as Rachel appeared. Dr Sue was hot on Rachel's heels.
"Okay, would you sit behind Helen and support her as she comes round?" suggested Dr Sue.
I did as asked and lifted her up, my arms hugging her.
"Are you okay, Helen?" asked Dr Sue, getting onto her knees to be close to Helen. "You fainted and banged your head."
"I'm okay," Helen replied, sounding puzzled. I think she started to remember what had happened, as her heart rate started going up.
"Take deep breaths," recommended Dr Sue, as she methodically checked Helen. "Breath in slowly through your nose. Hold it for a second, good. Now slowly exhale through your mouth. That's good. Now again, in ... hold ... now exhale. One more time, in ... hold ... now exhale. Excellent."
Helen started to calm down. Her face had been watching Dr Sue and she'd been doing exactly as instructed. "Okay, if you start getting worried, then try that to see if that helps."
"So what's wrong, Helen?" Rachel gently asked.
Helen started deep breathing again. "David," she eventually croaked. "Guard ... dead."
"Let's go next door and have a little chat, shall we?" asked Rachel, helping Helen up. "Keep your eyes closed and take deep breaths. I'll guide you."
I sat where I'd been, worried about Helen and what had happened to set her off. "Are you okay?" Dr Sue asked.
"Not really. I just don't know what's wrong with Helen. I didn't do anything, did I?"
"I presume it was something to do with what happened in Russia."
"How do you mean?" I asked, not knowing how much the good doctor knew.
"The whole school is buzzing in a way I've not seen before. I've seen a few students since they got back, but every time I ask how the trip was, I just get how good the concert was."
I inwardly smiled. As Mr Hobson said the other week, the students here were very intelligent and understood what they knew was another school secret. I wonder how much the others know or thought they know. I guess we'll find out later.
"It wasn't just a great concert, it was wonderful. Both pieces really energised both the choir and the orchestra. Helen was so agitated, why didn't you give her an injection to calm her down?"
"I could have, but sometimes there are other techniques that can help a person better. Without knowing the cause of Helen's issue, it isn't a good idea to chemically sedate her. That might cause more issues than it solves."
Dr Sue stood up as Rachel returned through the interconnecting door and shut it behind her.
"David, I know this is going to be hard on you, but would you mind being Jayne for a bit longer? Seeing you as David brought back the memories of what happened.
Am I destined to live my life as Jayne? I just nodded, half understanding what Rachel was saying. I would have dressed like a cow if it would help Helen through this.
"You know I can't make a proper judgement on how to help if I don't know what's going on," complained Dr Sue.
Rachel sighed and then reluctantly said, "You're right. Christopher shot someone who was about to shoot David. Helen should have finished on the toilet, so I better get back to her. David, when you are changed, come on through."
"How are you coping?" asked Dr Sue, after Rachel had disappeared.
"I feel crap, especially when I'm alone," I said honestly. "But I am talking about it and trying to get sorted. Anyway, would you mind talking about this some other time? I need to get changed so I can be with Helen."
"Don't worry; I won't discuss this with anybody until Dr Ruiz says I can. In the meantime, are there any other students that were involved in the shooting, so I know how to treat them better?"
"Andy and Stacy," I reluctantly confessed. "Marcus was also about to be shot at, and Andy also shot someone."
"Thank you. Look, if you need to talk with someone who doesn't work fulltime for the school, yet knows how to keep things confidential, my door is always open.
With Dr Sue gone, I quickly got changed. It didn't take me long to appear as Jayne. Heck, I'd been dressing as Jayne so much the last few weeks that I think it takes me longer to get presentable as David than Jayne. I sent a message to the school salon and cancelled my hair appointment for later that afternoon.
Tentatively, I opened the door to Helen's room. She was sitting on the settee, Rachel next to her. I mustn't have been quiet enough, as Helen looked up. Her face lit-up for a moment then she burst into tears. I rushed across the room, and thankfully Rachel moved out of the way so I could get as close to Helen as possible.
"Why are you crying?" I said, stroking the smooth skin on her face.
"Because I was silly and now you are back as Jayne."
"It's only clothes," I reassured her. "You need to get over things. All I know is I'm so grateful that you saved my life."
Rachel waited until Helen had sorted herself out before saying, "Tomorrow Jayne, you have an appointment with Edith straight after breakfast. Helen, you will have one just after lunch. In the meantime, if you have any more panics or frights, then I'm at the end of the PDA."
"You aren't going to chat with us for hours now?" I asked, amazed that we were finished so quickly.
Rachel smiled at that, but then in a serious voice said, "No, not now. Yes, you both need to come to terms with what happened. The best way forward is knowing that you are both safe and loved. You'll get that by spending time together and with your year. I only wish we'd been able to get you together last night, then things might not have been so bad."
"What happens with us and the Beta team?" Helen asked Rachel.
"What do you mean?"
"Are we going to be kicked off, because we couldn't handle things?"
"Look, you have had a shock. You were very brave in doing what you did when you weren't ready. Whether you continue or not is mostly up to you, but I'm sure others will have a say too. In some ways I'm quite upset that you were put in that situation, but it happened and now we will deal with it. Why don't you go and see your friends? I'll be around if you need me."
"Thanks, Rachel," I gave her a big hug. "You've been great."
"Thanks, Jayne," she smiled, hoping that Jayne was turning a corner.
As we entered our common room, the conversations stopped and there was silence.
"Are you okay?" asked Jill. I was glad someone spoke so we didn't have to start.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because you're still Jayne," said Anna.
"And Dr Sue and Rachel were seen running to your room," add Jill.
"I'll explain later, but Helen fainted and banged her head very badly." It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the complete story. I didn't want to explain more until we've had the chat Mr Moore mentioned.
After everyone who arrived asked the same questions, I decided to send everyone in the year a text message. I hated sounding like a parrot. At least the message was read, as nobody else who arrived later asked and we all had a relaxed afternoon playing games, with the music booming away in the background.
At the evening meal there was a general buzz in the air. We were home after a successful concert and we were now able to relax. Lessons wouldn't start again for another few days. Yet there was something more, there was the anticipation of the discussions that would take place after the meal. Hayfield's was going to take place in the cinema, and The Manor's would take place in the hall.
Even though everyone knew these meetings would be happening, nobody discussed them, just as nobody had discussed the activities that happened during the field trip. It was if everyone knew something, but didn't feel it was right to talk about it. The biggest topic during lunch was when the American students would be going home and how we could stay in touch. This led to rather bizarre conversations ranging from exchanging email addresses, inter-site voice routing and even wondering if we could put up a camera in the common rooms so we could make video calls.
"Good luck," Ruth whispered, as we left the dining room, our stomachs again full.
"And you," I replied.
Jessica sidled up to me as we walked down the stairs towards the cinema. "Jayne, Sam and I have been discussing things and have had an idea. Can we have a private chat with you and Helen?"
"Sure. Let's see how tonight goes and then we will discuss things either later tonight, or if it isn't an emergency, can it wait until tomorrow?"
"Yes, though I don't think tonight will be as big an issue as you are worried about."
I hoped Jessica was right. The confectionary room was closed, so we went straight into the cinema and took our usual seats. It didn't take long for everyone in Hayfield to arrive and the doors to be closed. The only people there who weren't students were Rachel and Mr Hobson.
Mr Hobson positioned himself at the front. "Well, this is a chat that I'd hoped never to give. However, in light of the events in Moscow, and some that occurred beforehand, it is something I feel needs to happen."
Following a pause as he glanced around, Mr Hobson continued, "As you are aware, Mr Moore is hosting a meeting with his school, and will be covering similar topics. Hopefully we will be giving the same information. Some of the information I'm outlining tonight you might have guessed, some you might have misunderstood, and some you probably aren't aware of. It is very important that you fully understand what I say, so if you have any questions then please ask. If you're too nervous to ask, then get your year leader to do so on your behalf.
"As you are all aware, the school was formed to give an environment free from discrimination and pressure. Children who were failing in the standard school environment, but showed a better potential were offered places at the school. Some fit into the LGBT arena, others do not, but have other issues that kept them from succeeding or reaching their maximum potential. It was found that a lot of the students were musically minded, and we encouraged that as a group activity. As the orchestra's standard increased, we started performing concerts abroad.
"As this was happening, certain incidents were occurring where we were visiting. These by themselves were quite innocuous, but taken with other things, were quite concerning. I'm not going to get into the conversations that followed, but from that point, several people tagged along as helpers. While we were having the concerts, they would retrieve certain bits of information. This information was then passed on to relevant governments, or used to persuade the offending parties that information was known, to get them to sort things out themselves. Sometimes it wasn't governments that were the concern, but companies or other organisations. By doing this, it has prevented wars, deaths and other conflicts."
Tim from year three raised his hand, "Does this put the school at risk?"
There were some mutterings, but Mr Hobson quickly said, "This is a good question and very relevant. If you don't mind, I will answer it fully in a minute, as I need to cover some more ground first."
"About eight years ago, one of the students at the school noticed the activities and approached me to ask if they could do anything to help. I was reluctant, because I didn't want to spoil the innocence of the students. She approached one of the other people who tagged along and suggested the same idea. To say the least, I wasn't happy."
"Anyway, the upshot was that I, along with Kate, Rachel's predecessor, eventually agreed, as long as she didn't get involved with these activities while in school. I had no issues in helping her concentrate on getting more knowledge which would help in her chosen career. Rather quickly, this became more formal, and what we now refer to as the Beta team was created. These are normal students, but they get some special training to help them if they wish to pursue such a career. At any time there are six Betas in this school, and they will only train in case of need. The only reason they would use their new skills while at school would be if something happened to the Alpha team, as the people who tagged along became called, while we were on a trip. This seemed a safe system, the school was helping the students in a safe environment, and the extra activities that occurred while abroad didn't cause any impact, but hopefully made things safer for everyone when you left school."
Mr Hobson took a sip of water and looked around to gauge our reaction. So far we'd all be pretty quiet.
"For many years, things worked well. The first sign that something was wrong was when the wife and eldest daughter of a member of the Alpha team were killed. At the time, it seemed just like an accident. The next two incidents happened this school year, and both involve someone from MI6. At the concert just before the trip to France, a member of the Beta team saw someone planting a covert listening device, or bug, at the school."
"Last month, the same person was seen entering the building where information was stored regarding Russia. A leak at the school was suspected and with two other events occurring, it certainly looked like it. However, none of these leaks hurt the school or students, so the trip to Russia took place as planned. I want to be completely clear that if there had seemed likely to be any risk to you, then the trip would have been cancelled.
"In Russia, it appears that the Alpha teams were expected at the two targets they were after. Due to extra security that had been installed, the Alpha teams were trapped. As a result, the Beta teams were activated and went out to cause some diversions, which we hoped would allow the Alpha teams to get out. This is a rather simplified version of events or we would be here all evening. So for Tim's question; yes, the Beta teams were in danger while they were out. The rest of the school might have been in trouble if one of the Beta's had been caught. Tim, does that answer your question?"
There was some mumbling where year-three were sitting, before Tim replied, "Yes, thank you."
"Excellent. The current situation is that we still have no idea who the leak is. We have ruled out the students, and all the information we have indicates it is a member of staff at this school. We aren't sure if they knew about the Beta team or know its makeup, though they certainly seemed to know about the Alpha team. So, I'm going to ask something very unusual. If you have any questions regarding this, please only discuss it with your year leader, with Dr Ruiz, or myself."
There were a few gasps, but most seemed to understand why, and I'm sure the rest would quickly cotton on.
"Now, I have a question for you. We have one final field trip this school year, to play in Tehran. Do you still want to go ahead with the trip? If so, do you mind the Alpha team still doing what they've done? These are two very big questions, and I would be grateful if you could vote on this tomorrow morning. I'll open up a secure vote on the system, which will be open between eight and half-eight. The details of how you vote will not be stored. Susan, you have a question?"
"I know you don't want to, but can you tell us why Iran, and what information you are trying to get? It would help us weigh the dangers you've described against the aims. "
"You're right on both counts," agreed Mr Hobson. "I don't want to discuss it, but it would give you a more complete picture." He paused, trying to decide how much to tell us. "We are trying to avert a war. A bit of background, Iran signed something called the Non-Proliferation Treaty, which tries to stop the spread of nuclear weapons. Some countries are saying that Iran can't be trusted, and is trying to develop nuclear weapons. Iran maintains that it isn't, and is just trying to develop the technology to build a nuclear power station. A power station is allowed under the treaty. We have been following a paper trail, which has led us to the Iran trip. Is that enough?"
"No, not really. What would happen if we didn't go?"
"Hopefully, nothing. One of the most likely outcomes would be one of the other schools would go instead, but that would probably delay things for a few extra months. As, we already have the invitation and are going with our orchestra, we are the best placed to be unobtrusive."
"Thanks."
"Ryan?"
"Since there are other schools involved, I take it the Alpha teams aren't part of the government?"
"Correct, they aren't part of the government. This is a group that works across nations, though where appropriate, it does assist them. Daniel?"
"I think most of us know who the Beta team is, but could you confirm so that there is no ambiguity?"
I wondered what Mr Hobson would do with that one. He certainly didn't answer straight away. I glanced across and saw that Stacy was giving small nods.
"I can't make that choice," eventually said Mr Hobson. "That is up to each individual member."
"Do you want to?" I murmured to Helen.
"No, but I think we should."
Stacy and Andy rose first, with Helen and I quickly following. I began to wonder if Ingrid and Fran would join us, when Ingrid stood and Fran, seemingly reluctantly, slowly joined her partner on her feet.
Stacy spoke, her voice slightly shaky, "I think I'm speaking for the entire Beta team, I would like to thank you for the support you gave us last night. I know a number of you were asked to provide assistance without being told why, and unquestionably did your stuff. Without you, I don't think we could have managed. Thank you."
The six of us sat down. I was relieved to be out of the spotlight, but I knew it would lead to more questions later.
"Okay, I don't see any more raised hands. If you do have any questions, or think of some later, then please either speak to me, Dr Ruiz or your year leader. Hopefully you will all give the questions all the thought they deserve and vote with your conscience. Only you can decide. Over the years, I've seen you all develop far more than anybody outside this school ever thought possible. This is what school should be about, and every night I go to bed with my heart glowing with pride. The last two days have been the total opposite. Students have been in danger and could have been killed. This goes against everything the school stands for. However, when I see how you all have been over this time, all I can say is how proud I am to know you all."
As we walked back to the common-room, my mind was swirling with thoughts. It seemed a lot of pressure to ask us if we still wanted to go to Iran and if so, have the Alpha team with us. On the other hand, it only seemed fair, as we potentially were being put into danger. Also, would I still be a Beta member when we went to Iran?
It looked like we'd got back just after The Manor had. There was none of the joking or laughing that had occurred during our previous get togethers.
"Well?" Melissa said. "How did your chat go?"
"We have to vote in the morning, to see if we still go to Iran."
"I know. It seems we are the first choice for the backup school. There is less risk, because we don't have the leak, but we haven't been practicing the language like you have. We're also scheduled to hold a concert somewhere else, although we haven't been told where."
We all chatted about things, and found that similar questions had been asked, including who was on the Beta team. After what had happened in Russia, it wasn't a surprise to anybody in the year that Ruth, Michelle, Helen and I were Beta members, though some of the members in both schools were a surprise to some.
"So what exactly happened in Russia?" asked Wesley.
Helen started shaking and I dragged her close. "Would it help if you went for a walk with Ruth or Michelle?" I whispered, after she dragged herself onto my knees.
"At least they wouldn't keep wondering," she responded, as I stroked her cheek.
"Okay," I said to everyone in the room. "I'll explain, but Helen is finding certain parts very hard to talk about." I turned to Ruth and Michelle, "Would one of you go for a wander with Helen?"
"I'll do it," said Michelle jumping up. "Ruth is much better at explaining what happened from our point of view."
"Actually, why don't you go see Edith now, instead of tomorrow? She might be able to help you some." At Helen's blank look, I said, "It is her specialty."
"Okay," Helen responded doubtfully.
Once Helen and Michelle had closed the door, I said, "Ruth and I went to different buildings. Ruth, why don't you go first and then I'll explain what happened to us."
"Actually, it seems we had the tougher assignment. We had a fairly simple diversion planed that would have simply set off a bunch of alarms. However, a search team had just turned up, so the Manor's Alpha team couldn't get out. Hayfield caused a wider diversion, which caused the search team to leave, and the Alpha team was able to get out. As we went back to the hotel, we nearly got caught in a military roadblock. Skip and Ed diverted them, and we got back to the hotel safely, but they got trapped in a square. Andy and Christopher were able to get them out."
I then explained about what happened, including the shooting of the guards and the explosions. "Remember earlier, when Rachel and Dr Sue went to our room? When Helen saw me back as David, it seems to have reminded her of the shooting. Until she gets over things, I'll be staying as Jayne."
"Are you okay?" asked Emma.
"Not really, just not reacting the same way Helen is. I don't do very well if I'm alone. Twice when I was alone in the hotel in Moscow I got very scared. I've not really been alone since, apart from when I had a shower, but I knew that Helen was next door. I might be okay here at school, because I know it's safe. I'm talking about it with Rachel, and also Edith Covington from the Manor; she specialises in trauma cases."
"Do you still want to be in the Beta team?" asked Wesley, shocked at what I'd told them.
"Yes. Just knowing that I might be able to make a difference in the world and helping others is enough. I just wish you lot didn't know about it."
"Why?"
"Because it's so embarrassing and because I'm suffering a bit because of it. I don't want to give you the wrong impression. Nobody forced me to be in the Beta team. Nobody forced me to go out yesterday. In fact, Mr Hobson was horrified that Helen and I were going out, because he thought we were too young and we'd not had the same level of training as the others."
"So it wasn't like a James Bond film then?" said Lewis. At the puzzled looks, he continued, "You know, fancy flash cars, sexy women, baddies with bad puns etc."
That produced a few laughs. "No, it was cold snow, biting wind, and sleeping without Helen."
"You did get to sleep with Stacy though," said Jill. There was a gasp in the room, and Anna promptly elbowed Jill in the ribs.
"When I had a nightmare, she joined me in the same bed. Nothing happened." I felt a pang of disappointment, and quickly buried it. It mustn't have carried into my voice, as nobody said anything.
Michelle came back without Helen. She looked at me, "Helen is talking to Edith now. I offered to stay as company, but Edith said it would be best if it were just the two of them. She said she'd call you when they're finished."
"Have you finished interrogating us?" Ruth asked, as Michelle sat next to her.
Nobody said they hadn't, so I presumed they had. "I hope you can understand why I didn't say anything," I said, mainly to the Hayfield people.
"Yes. We knew you were up to something, but hadn't realised you were as involved as you are."
"Can we join?" Anna suddenly blurted out.
"In a way, you already have," Michelle said. "You each have different skills, and from what I saw you're all willing to help when those skills are needed. Only a few were needed this time, but we'll be at these schools for the next five years, and who knows what could happen over that time."
"If we don't go to Iran, what will happen about the leak?"
"It depends. At the moment, we have no clue to who it is. Without more leaks, it will be hard to track them down. Over the last few months there have been clues, but it hasn't shortened the list by much."
"Oh, it sounds a bit like the first Harry Potter book," said Martha, getting excited. "Remember where they were trying to find out who was after the stone? We are trying to find the leak."
"Yes, but we won't be here," sighed Erika. "We'll be back at the Manor."
"Oh, yeah," sighed Aaron. "They told us when we're going home. We leave on Friday."
At that announcement the room turned silent. We'd been together a month, but it seemed much longer. We all knew they would eventually go home, but Friday seemed too soon.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 47
Will Hayfield's next trip happen?
Monday 2nd January 2006
Melissa broke the unhappy silence blanketing the room. "We'll still be together for three days. Let's make the most of it."
"How about a sleepover on Thursday night?" I suggested, trying to cheer people up.
My idea was met by silence and I began to worry that I'd said something wrong, when suddenly there was a big "That's brilliant," from Elaine. The room erupted with excited chatter. As I glanced around, I spotted that most of the boys were very quiet.
"Did I say something wrong?" I quietly asked Lewis, who was sitting nearby. Before I'd mentioned the word 'sleepover' he'd been fine, but now he looked like he was trying desperately to control his emotions, and was shaking slightly.
"I was forced to go to some before I transitioned."
The excitement plummeted as soon as they realised someone wasn't happy.
"Sorry," I said, feeling a bit bad. "A few years ago I'd heard some mention of one at school. I thought I'd not been invited because I wasn't part of the in-crowd. I take it a sleepover is a girl thing?"
There were a lot of nods at that. Oh boy, what had I just got myself into?
"Why does a slumber party have to be a girl thing?" Phil asked. "This isn't about being boys or girls, it's about all of us spending our last few hours together before we go home. So, it doesn't have to be makeup and trying on clothes. We could have some silly games, crazy competitions and lots of fun."
"No mud-wrestling though," said Carolyn.
That produced a lot of sniggers from year-D, but they refused to elaborate.
I'd no idea if it was possible to have a sleepover. It had been a tight squeeze when we all slept together after my attempted suicide, but that hadn't been a fun time. The plans being discussed sounded great, but I thought I better check to see if it was possible, so I sent a message to Rachel.
"Are you looking forward to going home?" asked Sam. That got a lot of mixed responses, all at the same time.
"I've had fun here, like a vacation, even though we did have to do some studying" said Melissa slowly, trying to find her way through her feelings. "It's been good and lots of fun, but there is no place like home. We've lived at Immigration Manor for over three years and it's become home."
"I'm going to miss it here in England," said Erika. "I'd grown quite fond of living here, and then Dad's job took us back to America. I'd just started getting used to America and we ended up coming back to England."
My PDA chimed, with Rachel's response. I scanned through it, and smiled. "According to Rachel, sleeping bags will be available, as will snack food and drinks.
A big cheer nearly raised the roof, and it also included the boys. The rest of the evening was spent planning our special night and it didn't seem long before Edith rang to say that Helen was ready.
"I'm just getting Helen," I said heading towards the door.
"Do you want company?" Jill asked, getting up.
Wow, these are great friends. "Thanks Jill, but I want to see if I can do it myself. I'll ring if I feel bad."
When I got to the top of the stairs, my heart was pounding faster. I felt uneasy, but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as back in Moscow. I stopped, took some slow deep breaths, and managed to walk on.
"Nobody came with you?" asked Helen, when I got to Edith's temporary office. She'd poked her head outside the door and looked both ways.
"No. I wanted to see if I could manage by myself."
"How did you do?" asked Edith, joining us at the door.
"Better than in Moscow, but I'm not myself. I managed though, without running here in a panic."
"Don't be ashamed to ask for help," said Edith.
"Jill did offer, but I wanted to see if I could do it myself."
"Jayne, it's great you are trying, but don't be ashamed to accept offered help. I'll see you tomorrow after breakfast," Edith reminded me.
"So how did it go?" I asked Helen as we set off back.
"Strange. It seems the two guards weren't dead, but had just been injured."
"Really?"
"Yes, the information came in while we chatted. It made me feel a bit better, but still doesn't stop me thinking I could have killed someone."
I decided to change the subject a bit and informed Helen about the date for Immigration Manor to go home.
"We've got to do something special the night before," she said, frowning in thought.
"I had a similar thought, and suggested a sleepover."
"You suggested what?!" Helen laughed out loud.
It is great to see Helen laughing again.
When she'd calmed down a bit, she eventually managed to say, "I bet that went well with the boys."
"Not at first. I'm sure Lewis was shaking with fear. Anyway, we've decided to make it more of a Hayfield style event, so it can be enjoyed by all. Rachel said she will supply sleeping bags and snacks."
"You have been busy, but what made you suggest a sleepover?"
"I don't know. I remember a few years ago, when you were invited to one and when I saw you on the following Monday, it was all you could talk about. I always thought that I hadn't been invited because nobody liked me. I didn't know until today that it was a girl's thing."
We stopped and Helen let go of my hand as she pulled me towards her. "I'm sorry, I didn't know, though now I know you better, I quite can see why you thought that. Would you have liked to have gone to that sleepover?"
"At the time, yes, because I didn't understand. Now, I don't know. It would have certainly increased the beatings I suffered. I'm not sure what your friends would have said either."
"We're together now, and we'll have an even better sleepover, where you won't get beaten for going, or enjoying yourself."
As we opened the door to the common room, we heard the excited chatter. They were still discussing the sleepover. It sounded like they were sorting out rules for a twister competition. What did I start?
"Are you okay?" asked Melissa when she heard the door. Everyone had stopped what they were doing and looked eager for the answer. It looked like they'd chatted about things and weren't crowding us, which is what normally happens.
"We're fine. Now, did we hear something about a twister competition?"
Not surprisingly, we all started to get tired earlier than normal. It had been a long day, even for those that had managed to get some sleep on the plane or on the coach.
"I think I'm going to bed," Helen announced just before nine. "I'm knackered."
I think everyone had been waiting for someone else to suggest the idea, as everyone was quickly clearing away. Five minutes later, the common room was deserted.
Helen and I had just got into my room when there was a knock on my door. My heart sank and Helen didn't look any happier. All we wanted to do was get into bed and catch up on some of the sleep we'd missed.
I forced myself to smile and went to answer the door, opening it to find Jessica and Sam.
"I know it's late, but can we come in?"
"Sure," said Helen, whom I'd not heard come up. She was radiating a nice warm smile. "Sorry about the mess."
"It's better than ours," admitted Sam. "And last time you visited our rooms, you were certainly not expected."
I smiled at that, though at the time, nobody laughed. I rubbed my nose, in memory of Jessica bashing the door on my face. They took the settee and we grabbed two chairs. "So, what's up?"
They both seemed reluctant to speak, and subtly tried to prompt each other. Sam eventually said, "Jessica had this idea which she wanted to tell you."
Jessica glared at Sam, but gave in. "Do you know if they do school exchanges?"
"You want to go to The Manor?" I hope I didn't sound too surprised.
"They are able to help me better," said Sam. "They have a therapist that understands my issue better than the ones here."
"To some at Hayfield, I'm just Wendy's little sister," added Jessica. "Also, I'm too easily influenced by her. Besides, I like to travel."
"So this is something you both want?" Helen asked.
They both nodded.
"Have you talked with Tracy or Dan about it?"
"No, we were too worried what they would say," Jessica replied.
"Erika mentioned earlier that when she moved back to America, she really missed England. I wonder if she would like to swap," Sam said, explaining more of an obviously earlier chat with Jessica.
"Someone once said to me, 'To succeed, do it now'." Helen fished out her PDA. "Sorry for ringing this late, but we have an issue which you might be able to help with." Helen paused. "Oh, that's interesting. Do you want to come across and discuss it now? ... We're in Jayne's room. See you in a few then."
"So?" I asked. Poor Sam and Jessica were sitting on the edge of the settee, eager to know what was happening.
Helen didn't give anything away. "We have four guests coming. Will you all give me a hand moving my settee and some chairs from my room into here?"
We were still dragging in the settee when there was a knock on my door. I rushed across and let in Melissa, Jamie, Martha and Erika. Jamie saw what was happening and jumped across the room to help. With the extra hands, we were all soon sorted and seated.
Jamie started. "It seems we've both been asked similar questions. Martha and Erika came to us a few minutes ago, asking if there was such a thing as a student exchange. From Helen's call, I guess that Jessica and Sam have asked the same thing? Mel and I understand the reasons why Erika and Martha want to swap schools and agreed to talk to Mr Moore as long as you two are okay with it."
"If you're okay to have Sam and Jessica, then we would be happy to have Martha and Erika," Helen said.
There was a lot of excitement after that. I'd been a bit worried about Martha, but she seemed equally happy to move.
"There is one final hoop. No matter how happy with the idea we are, we need to ask Mr Hobson and Mr Moore. They might not be happy with us plotting all of this. I'm sure they will want to discuss it with your support people, too."
I checked the time. It was still within curfew, so I pulled out my PDA hoping I wasn't disturbing Mr Hobson by ringing at this time. "What did you say, Helen? Do it now?"
"Hi, Jayne," Mr Hobson answered his phone.
"Sorry to disturb you this late. Is now okay to talk?"
"Of course, what can I do for you?"
"If Mr Moore is also available, would it be okay if Melissa, James, Helen and I come and chat with both of you?"
"I'm available now. I'll check if Mr Moore is available, and if so, he'll join us."
When I'd ended the call, I said to the others, "I suggested just the year leaders, so it wouldn't be too much of a squeeze. Mr Hobson would like to see us now and hopefully Mr Moore will be there. Since we probably won't get an answer tonight, why don't the rest of you go to bed?"
"If you do find out, you will let us know right away?" asked Martha eagerly. I'd never seen her like this before. The other three were nodding in agreement.
"Would a message do?" Mel said. "Then if you're asleep it won't disturb you."
With that agreed, we all left, leaving the extra settees and chairs in my room.
When we got to Mr Hobson's office, there was no need to knock, as his door was wide open. However, there was no sign of Mr Moore.
"Have a seat," Mr Hobson said, ushering us in. "Mr Moore isn't able to make this chat, but don't worry, I'll update him."
I think we all breathed a sigh of relief, as we wouldn't have to repeat ourselves.
"Before we get going, I wanted to thank you all for your levelheadedness over the last few days. Field trips are always challenging, but this one was even more so."
I shrugged my shoulders, not knowing what else to say. The others must have felt the same as they did the same.
Since I'd called Mr Hobson, I thought I better be the one to explain, "We were wondering if there is an exchange program between the two schools? I mean, is there a way of students swapping between schools if they want?"
The ends of Mr Hobson's mouth twitched a bit, as if he was trying to suppress a smile. "Is this for you four? You want to swap schools?"
"No, Jessica and Sam came to see me and Helen. Erika and Martha saw Melissa and James. As year heads we chatted about it, but thought it was best to talk to you, as it would be you who would either agree or not."
"Very true," agreed Mr Hobson. "Do any of you have any objections?"
We all shook our heads.
"Excellent. Their support staff doesn't either, so consider it done."
"You knew about this already?" Helen asked in surprise.
"We suspected something like this might happen. However, we weren't going to say anything until we were approached."
"Is Mr Moore okay with this?" asked Mel.
"Sorry?"
"I mean, with Erika moving to Hayfield."
"It will be easier for Erika. Mr Moore knew it was hard for her going back to America. He was the one who first mentioned that she might want to stay. Since he has a personal interest in the subject, he requested that he only be brought in if this wasn't what you wanted to discuss."
"Is he okay?" Mel asked. It was a slightly different meaning than before. There was a tinge of concern in her voice and I realised what she was asking. This wasn't like when the children start school and the parents have no idea. Mr Moore would be painfully aware that instead of having the privilege of seeing his daughter for the next few years, he now only had a few days.
"It is hard on him, though he knew what would happen when Erika was offered a place at Immigration Manor." Mr Hobson paused, and we waited patiently for him to continue. "I thank you for your concern, but I think it would be best for you not to pursue this point further. It would also be best for you not to remind Erika of this either, though from what I've seen, she will understand the implication tomorrow when her euphoria has diminished. I will announce the exchange tomorrow at breakfast. The official change in their status will occur on Friday morning. Is that okay?"
We all nodded, dazed at how quickly things were sorted. Helen and Michelle sent the text messages advising them it was all agreed. Since there was nothing else to discuss with Mr Hobson, we were soon back in our rooms and fast asleep.
* * *
Tuesday 3rd January 2006
"Hello," I said sleepily as I answered my ringing PDA. It was starting to sound insistent.
"Are you thinking of joining us for breakfast?" enquired Jill.
When I saw the time, I jumped out of bed. "We'll be down in a few minutes."
"Helen, wake up!"
"Let me sleep," she moaned, turning over.
"Breakfast is in fifteen minutes."
What Helen said can't be repeated, but she was straight out of bed and into her shower. I don't think I'd ever seen Helen shower and dress as quickly as she did. We made it downstairs just as the rest of the year was about to leave the common room.
"What kept you?" laughed Jill.
"We slept through the alarm," I panted. I hope we'd calmed down so it didn't get noticed we'd been running inside the school. I'm not sure which punishment would be worse, late for breakfast or running in the school.
"Ah, you're here," said Mel. "We were waiting for you before we mentioned last night."
"Okay everyone," I called. "A reminder for all from Hayfield, if you haven't voted there is only five minutes left. We also have two important updates. The first update is that Martha and Erika asked if they can join Hayfield Hall, which Mr Hobson approved."
There was a sudden noise as everyone started talking about it.
"The other update," started Jamie, which calmed everyone down, "is that Sam and Jessica requested joining Immigration Manor, which Mr Moore approved."
The chatter started again, which was only broken by Lewis reminding us that it was breakfast time. We weren't the last ones into the dining room, which was a relief. As usual, year-B was the last to arrive.
"I have a few announcements," said Mr Hobson, standing up. "As you have probably all heard, our guests go home on Friday. As a result, lessons will resume later that morning. Seeing our friends from Immigration Manor leave will be a very sad, but as they say, all good things must come to an end."
He paused and looked around at the faces looking at him. "No, that isn't quite right; four students have asked to take part in a revolutionary school exchange. I am pleased to announce that from Friday, Martha and Erika will be joining Hayfield Hall, while Jessica, along with Sam, will be leaving for Immigration Manor. This exchange will last a year, at which time it will be reviewed. If everybody is happy, then it will last longer. One final bit of news, Edith Covington will be staying at Hayfield for a few extra weeks. Any questions? ... Yes Stacy?"
"Do you have the vote result?"
"Yes, the results will be given to year leaders after breakfast. You'll then have time to talk about it in a more comfortable setting. Anything more? No? Then enjoy your breakfast."
With Edith being here a few extra weeks, I knew that our issues weren't going to be over quickly, but it was nice that she'll be here for us.
Over breakfast there was a lot of excited chatter. Immigration Manor students were telling Sam and Jessica all about the school, its grounds and what facilities it had. The hot tub sounded great. The official change of school might not happen until Friday morning, but as the breakfast drew to a close, it was as if it had already happened.
With breakfast finished, we prepared to go back to the common room. No results had yet appeared Helen's PDA or mine. As we were getting up, Andy came across and handed Helen an envelope. When she saw Andy, Helen gave a small yelp, but quickly calmed down. I was relieved that it wasn't a more serious reaction, like she had with me yesterday.
"I'm sorry," said Andy, looking mortified.
"I'm okay," Helen reassured him after taking some slow breaths. "A small flashback, but Edith said they should fade."
"Why are you seeing Edith and not Rachel?" queried Paula.
"Because Edith specialises in gun related trauma."
"Ah, so that's why Edith is staying longer," said Phil. "I hope you get better quickly, because we're all going to miss her at The Manor."
That got a friendly punch in the arm and a few laughs.
"Watch out if you're naughty, though. She can be one firm 'mother' then," Phil continued, obviously speaking from experience.
"Not violent or anything?" Helen queried, sounding alarmed.
"Duh, don't be silly. I don't think she has a violent bone in her body. It's just the look of total disappointment that gets me the most. But when you need help, she's always there and when something goes really well, there isn't a better person. I remember when I passed Algebra she was so proud of me."
There were lots of nods from others from Immigration Manor, like they understood what Phil was talking about. Perhaps the longer we spend at the school, the better we will get on with the staff.
"You think of them like your parents?" Helen asked.
"No, it's not like that at all," joined in Wesley. "They'll never replace our families. It's more like an extension. I suppose they seem more like foster parents. They might not have given birth to us, but it doesn't stop them from caring about us, or trying to bring us up in the right way."
That was the most amazing bit of speech. I'd never thought of it like that. They only person I knew that had been fostered was Renee, and she never talked about it. I only knew that because of my chats with Dan when I'd mentioned how she always looked sad when people talked about their past. I didn't feel I could ask Dan, as it wasn't his story to tell, and I wouldn't want him to break a confidence. Study partners often told each other things they wouldn't ever want to tell someone else. What I found strange, was that neither she nor Dan was transgendered, though Sophia seemed to be around a lot more than Dan. Since neither was homosexual, I wondered what had brought them to the school's attention. They were very good at organising things, and I know they'd been involved with some of the logistics when we went away. Perhaps they had some other hidden talents I wasn't aware of yet.
Helen didn't open the envelope until we were in the year's common room with the door securely shut. We all stood round Helen, who carefully opened the envelope.
"By a sizable majority, we are going to Tehran, and we are taking the Alpha team with us."
"I guess that means we're off the hook," joked Jamie.
"Does anybody have an issue with the result that they want to discuss?" Helen asked. Nobody said they did, or would speak to her or me later in private.
"I better-" I was interrupted by a knock on the door, which Sam answered.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 48
What do you see when you look in the mirror?
For Arwen, who asked so nicely
Tuesday 3rd January 2006
"Jayne," Sam called over, "Stacy wants to know if you're ready?"
"Wow, is it time to see Edith already?" I muttered to myself.
"See you later," said Helen, giving me a kiss and propelling me towards the door.
I didn't really want to go, but knew I had to. Stacy was waiting with Andy, who wished us both luck before wandering back to the year-five common room.
As we walked up the stairs, Stacy said, "Andy's still upset that he caused Helen issues. Edith told him that seeing him as Andy might help her."
I stopped and looked at her. "She did what!?" It didn't make sense to me.
"I think it would be best for Edith to explain." Stacy continued on and I rushed to catch up.
To me, it didn't seem right what Edith had asked Andy, as it was causing more issues for Helen. Stacy didn't say anything, but linked arms with me to show support.
On arrival at Edith's office, she ushered us both to the settee.
"Good Morning. How've the two of you been doing?" she queried with a smile in her voice. "Did you both sleep okay?"
"I didn't get much sleep the previous night, so I think it was catching up with me," said Stacy. "It's unusual for the alarm to wake me."
"We both slept through the alarm," I said. "It was only Jill ringing that got us up."
"Stacy, have you been alone since getting back to school?"
"No, I don't think so. Andy accompanied me to pick up Jayne."
"And you, Jayne, apart from when you came to get Helen yesterday evening?"
"No, I've been with Helen all morning, apart from the shower."
"No unusual nervousness, or anything different from how a day here normally is?"
Stacy shook her head.
"No, nothing really, apart from worrying I'd be late for breakfast and Helen's reaction to seeing Andy. Why did you suggest that Andy stayed in male mode when you knew it would upset Helen?"
"Yesterday, seeing you as David was a vivid reminder of what happened. However, as Helen is less emotionally attached to Andy and she wasn't seeing him when she pulled the trigger, seeing Andy instead of Brenda should trigger the same kind of reaction. However, since he was there, and you are all friends, seeing him should still cause a reaction, albeit a milder one, which she should be able to deal with. Being reminded of the events in a mild way should allow her to gradually get used to dealing with what happened, at which point you can return to David without causing Helen issues she can't deal with."
"Is that it?"
Edith shook her head sadly. "No, or I would be leaving on Friday. We have to sort out your issues and Stacy's."
"What about Andy?" I enquired.
"That is for him to discuss with you," Edith said. "I don't discuss the condition of other patients like that."
"Andy looks like he is mostly okay, but will still be under observation for a bit," said Stacy.
"That's great," I said, relieved that things were going okay for him. "So what is going to happen to us two?"
"I need to assess each of you, to determine a recovery program which will suit each of your needs. Shall we start with you, Stacy? Jayne, I'd like you to be quiet while this occurs, but if Stacy gets upset, then by all means-" Edith trailed off.
I smiled. "It's okay, Edith, you don't need to ask. I know the drill from when Helen and I have sessions together."
"Excellent. Stacy, on the way back to the hotel you were told to go into an alley due to an approaching military vehicle. Do you remember that?"
"Yes."
"Great. While you were there, it was reported that Skip and Ed were trapped and even though you were the closest, you couldn't move due to another truck approaching. What happened next?"
Stacy sighed. "What's this got to do with the guns and explosions?"
"It all related to what happened that night. What happened next, please?"
"Andy radioed through and said he could get there before we could get out of the alley. I approved him trying to help."
"How did you feel about that?"
"I was worried about David. I knew he would be worried about Christopher."
"What about Andy and Christopher? Weren't you worried about them?"
"Of course!"
"Why?"
"Why?" Stacy responded by repeating what Edith has asked.
"Why were you worried about them? If you were worried, why did you let them go?"
"Because Andy would have gone anyway."
"Really? It doesn't sound like you have much control of those under you. Should you be Beta One if you can't control your team?"
"It's not like that," said Stacy calmly. I don't know how she didn't get upset; I was beginning to feel a bit irked at Edith. "It was the right thing for Andy to go. If I hadn't authorised it, he would have known that I was putting my personal feelings before what was needed."
"Disobeying you would have been the right thing to do?"
"Yes, two people were in danger. Nobody else raised any objections, so it wouldn't have been right for me to. It would have been my personal feelings influencing my decision."
"What were your personal feelings?"
"I didn't want them to go."
"Why not? You've said it was the right decision."
"Because I should have been going. I should have been putting my life on the line."
"Nobody else should take risks? Nobody else should be able to be in danger if you aren't?"
"That's not what I meant."
"What did you mean?"
"I didn't want to put them at risk."
A pattern was beginning to emerge. As soon as Stacy had finished answering a question, Edith was straight out with another one. "Would you have preferred it if Fran and Ingrid had gone instead?"
Stacy was quiet for a moment, refusing to be rushed by Edith's questions, "I don't know. I think I made the right decision. I just didn't like doing it."
Edith paused and after a few seconds gave a small smile. "Very good, that shows you're human. No leader likes making decisions where they have to send someone into harms way. They find it more difficult and like it even less when they are sending someone they care about." This was a total change in attitude. Edith had been batting Stacy another question as soon as she had answered the previous one. Now it was like the tension had gone.
"Really?" asked Stacy, looking at Edith in surprise.
"Really. Perhaps you should talk about this with Rachel sometime. I'm nearly finished with you today, but not quite. I want you to think about this one carefully before answering. I want you to put into order of risk, the times that Andy could have been killed, injured or arrested."
As Stacy thought this over, I saw a change come over her. She had been quite subdued during the rest of the conversation and not too happy about the discussion regarding sending Andy to help Skip and Ed. She must have been silent for a good few minutes when I saw her shoulders slump and a solitary tear trickle slowly down her cheek.
It pained me to see Stacy like this. She was always there for everyone and I wondered how often she admitted having any issues to anybody apart from Andy and probably Rachel. I inched closer to Stacy and put my right arm around her to show support and felt her slump into me.
"Thanks," she murmured.
"There were several times where we were all in danger," Stacy said, making an effort to answer the question. "I presume that when Andy and Christopher went in to rescue Skip and Ed they were in the most danger, though I wasn't there to see. Next was when we'd caused the diversion and they took out the guards. Andy could have easily have been shot."
"That's enough," interrupted Edith when Stacy paused to take a breath. Edith paused and swung in her swivel chair to look out of the window at a light snow flurry.
"Are you okay?" I whispered to Stacy.
"Thanks for being here," Stacy whispered back, wiping her eyes.
Edith finally turned back to face us. She looked like she was about to ask another question, but stopped and got up. "Why don't we break for a few minutes and then it's your turn, Jayne."
I laughed out loud, which got a surprised look from Edith. "The only time Dr Ruiz did that during a long session with me and Helen, we both fell asleep on the settee while she was out of the room."
"I know the last few days have been very tiring, but I would be grateful if you could resist doing that today," laughed Edith, before leaving the room.
Realising I still had my arm around Stacy, I blushed and quickly removed it.
"I hope my chat's not that bad," I said, slightly worried.
"It wasn't that bad." Stacy shifted to face me. "She made me think about things and has actually settled some stuff that I was worried about."
"But you cried?"
"Yes, I did. Edith made me think about things and some were things I'd rather not think about."
"That's why I don't like seeing Rachel."
Stacy shook her head. "Jayne, I cried, but I'm glad that Edith made me look at the issues. If I don't examine them, then I can't move forward. Bottling up your feelings and worries isn't good for you."
When Edith came back, I braced myself for a deep delve into my thoughts. She looked at me and gave me a sad smile. "You don't like talking about your feelings, do you?"
"Not really," I surprised myself by admitting.
"Then let's try something else. Why don't we go for a little ride?"
"Where to?" I asked, getting a bit antsy. I didn't like it when therapists jumped subjects so rapidly.
"We're just going down one of the trails," Edith replied, telling me nothing apart from we were staying within the school grounds.
Most of the school vehicles had manual gears, but this one was an automatic. I was scheduled to start learning how to drive in February, and wondered which type I'd be learning in. The sad thing is that until I am over seventeen and then pass my driving test, I will be restricted to the school grounds. Helen had started her lessons a few weeks ago, but at the beginning, a lot was theory. Vehicle Management isn't just how to drive a car, it is how to maintain it, understand how they are built and how they work. This school never liked to go into a subject lightly.
Edith pulled up outside a familiar building, nestled in a small wood. My heart rate started to pick up. Perhaps a nice little chat wouldn't have been a bad move.
"Everything is set up," greeted Mr Yates, as we got out of the car.
As we all walked into the shooting gallery, I noticed Stacy was looking a bit apprehensive. If Edith noticed, she didn't say anything. There were three targets ready, with a clean scoring target in each.
"You don't mind if I join you?" asked Edith.
"I don't." Stacy shrugged her shoulders. I don't know how she maintained her cool. I was shuddering inside.
"I don't either," I said, trying not to show my fear. I muttered to myself, "I must not fear. Fear is the mind killer."
Mr Yates handed us ear protectors and three identical handguns.
The muted noise of the guns echoed as we all fired our weapons, but instead of bringing back memories of the other night, it brought back images of our shooting lessons. I was shaking slightly as I finished, but it was more from relief that I'd managed, rather than fear.
"Well done all of you," said Mr Yates, as he pulled back the targets. "Jayne, I believe that was a new personal best for you, well done."
"We better get back. Thank you for opening up for us," Edith told Mr Yates, flashing him a smile.
"Glad to help," he replied as we wandered out.
Edith drove back to the main building, but it didn't stop her from asking questions. "So Jayne, how was that?"
"Better than I thought. I expected to be frightened by the noise, but I wasn't," I admitted.
"And you got a personal best," added Stacy. At a glare from Edith, Stacy shrank back in her seat.
"I would appreciate it if you don't tell Andy and Helen about what we did, as I may do something similar with them, though probably not today. Jayne, you appeared to be muttering something just before we started the shooting. What was it?"
"Oh that? It was something from the book Dune. The main character had to do a test, which causes him fear and he chants this poem. I used to use it a lot at my old school, to pluck up courage to walk home."
"I can't say I've read it, though it I suspect I'm going to have a bit of bedtime reading." Pulling up outside the main building, Edith twisted round so she could see us better. "Jayne, I'm very concerned that you don't want to talk about things. Would it be easier if you saw Rachel?"
"Probably not," I said, after Stacy had given me a pointed glance. "Rachel's probably told you already that I don't like talking about things."
"Yet you did chat with her when you got back from your trip out, and you talked with me a little the next day."
I couldn't look Edith or Stacy in the eye, so glanced down at the floor. I just wish people would leave me alone.
"Why don't the two of you go on in while I put the car away?"
As Stacy and I walked towards the building I worried about things. I mean, I was doing okay, but everyone wanted me to talk about how I felt. I felt fine, and didn't want to discuss everything.
"Jayne?"
"Huh?"
"Are you okay? You seemed in deep thought."
"Sorry. I was just thinking about things."
"I know you don't want to hear this, but talking does help."
"Thanks," I said trying to smile. Perhaps Stacy is right, but how do you tell someone your feelings when you don't understand them yourself?
* * *
"So how did it go?" Helen asked, as I wandered into the common room. There was still a while before lunch.
I shrugged my shoulders. "It was okay, I suppose." I really didn't want this conversation to happen in front of the entire year.
Helen looked at me with daggered eyes and I felt my face get warm. I found that my shoes were worth staring at.
"You clammed up again?" concluded Helen.
Why is it that when you wish the general room conversation was loud enough that others wouldn't hear, that everything goes deathly quiet? I couldn't answer or look at Helen.
"Well?" she prodded, starting to sound a bit pissed.
"Yes, but-"
"Why?"
I sighed. Why didn't she let me carry on, I was about to explain. "Because-" I tailed off. Perhaps I can't explain.
"Jayne," warned Helen, not at all quietly.
"She'll speak when she's ready," said Anna, putting her hand on Helen's shoulder.
"Keep out of this!" growled Helen. Anna's distraction did have the affect of calming her down though. In a much gentler voice Helen continued, "Jayne, I just worry that you are bottling everything up. I don't want-"
I heard a small sniff. "I'm not going to commit suicide. I'm just worried that if I open up too much, you'll hate me. I might even hate me."
"Huh?" came from across the room, I think it was Wayne, but I couldn't be sure.
"If I carry on as I am and don't think about other options, then I can't hate myself for it and others can't be repulsed."
"You've had some thoughts, but they frightened you?" Jill asked from across the room.
This was quickly becoming a group session. Just what I need! Maybe if I just leave and go to my room? No, they'd only get me later. Maybe they'd worry I was suicidal. It looks like I have to brave this one out.
I sighed and reluctantly gave a small nod, my eyes beginning to dampen. I swallowed hard, trying to keep control. The room was silent for a bit, and I hoped that they were going to leave me alone.
"They were?" prodded Paula.
Damn her! Tears started to trickle down my face, as the thoughts and ideas that I'd tried to suppress once again came to the top of my mind. All I could do was shake my head.
"Come on Jayne." Helen pulled me up.
"Wh ... Wh," I tried to speak, but there were too many tears. I grabbed a tissue to try and blow my nose to stop the snot getting into my mouth.
"We are going for a walk," Helen replied, successfully interpreting my garbled attempt to talk.
Through bleary eyes, I saw that there were several others with us. Why don't they trust me when I say that I'm not suicidal? I was just beginning to calm down, when I realised we were in the corridor where the psychiatrist's offices were and Helen was knocking insistently on Rachel's office door.
"Yes?" asked Rachel, opening her door slightly so we wouldn't be able to see who she was with.
"Jayne was just telling us why she won't talk to you or Edith, and while it was fresh in her mind, with all the thoughts she doesn't like thinking about, we thought it would help to speak with you."
I'd come round enough to see the dilemma in Rachel's eyes. She would love to speak with me, but she was with someone else. "Helen, I think Rachel is seeing someone already. I don't mind waiting."
"I bet you don't," Stacy interrupted, coming to the door. "Rachel, I'll come back later, I think this is something far more urgent."
"I don't want Helen staying with me," I blurted out.
There were bewildered faces. "Because she hates the thoughts she's been having, and is worried that I'll hate her too," Helen explained.
"I'll stay," offered Stacy.
"Oh God, no," I moaned.
"I'm not leaving you without someone," said Helen. "Would you prefer Jill or Anna to stay then?"
"Stacy will do," I reluctantly decided.
"Charming," said Stacy, pulling me into the room.
The last thing I heard before the door closed was Helen calling out, "Don't let me down again."
"Sorry about this," I apologised to Stacy, as we sat down next to each other on the settee.
"You were there when I had my op. It is the least I can do to be here for you."
"So Jayne, do you want to explain why you are here now?"
"Helen was upset with me because I'd refused to talk to Edith. She feels I'm always bottling things up, and she was worried I would try to commit suicide."
"Were you crying because she shouted at you?"
"No."
"Because she hit you?"
"No," I said. "That’s silly. You know Helen would never do that."
"You did say she was upset with you, and Helen can get easily frustrated."
"I was crying because I was frightened. I'm frightened of the thoughts I have. They scare me. I don't like talking to you or Edith earlier, as I might tell you how I feel."
"Why would it be scary to tell me?"
"Because they're then in my mind, and I hate myself for them. I'm worried that others will hate me too."
I burst into tears, and I felt the comforting arms of Stacy envelop me. Rachel waited until I started to calm down.
"If you tell us, then we might be able to find a solution," she suggested. "I remember an old saying that two heads are better than one. In this case, we have three!"
I closed my eyes and tensed up. "I want to be David, but I'm worried that I'm too much Jayne to ever be happy as David. I'm worried that I'll never be happy, no matter who, or what I am. If I'm not forcing myself to be David, then even if I'm dressed as a boy, I'm mistaken as a girl. Even at this school it has happened several times."
The room was silent, but through that silence I felt Stacy continue to stroke the outside of my right leg. I looked up to see Rachel looking at me. "I don't hate you," she informed me.
"I don't either," added Stacy.
"Helen might."
"Unless you tell Helen, then you will never know, but think back to between the French trip and this one. You were David then, and Helen didn't have a problem, did she?"
"No, but-"
"Isn't the problem more how you see yourself?"
"What?"
Rachel got up and opened a cupboard door, revealing a full-length mirror. "Come over here." I got up and wandered across, Stacy not far behind. "Now look in the mirror and tell me what you see."
"I see Jayne."
"Is that all?"
"I see someone who looks a mess," I added.
"Stacy, what do you see?" Rachel asked.
"I see someone that is kind, loving, very observant, intelligent, and often puts others first."
"Huh?" I couldn't get my head around what Stacy was getting at.
"Oh, and someone who can't take a compliment," Stacy added.
"Just before your first mix-up Monday, when Helen was worried about being a lesbian, you said that clothes didn't matter. Look past the clothes, the hairstyle and the tear stained face."
"You don't need me to strip, do you?" I said half joking and half worried that Rachel was going to suggest that.
"Please don't," begged Stacy, in a highly theatrical voice.
"Stacy, please don't interrupt unless asked," scolded Rachel. "And I would also prefer you to keep your clothes on. Looking beneath the clothes, what do you see?"
I stared into the mirror, wondering what Rachel was talking about. All I saw was me. Perhaps this was like one of those 3D pictures, where you squint your eyes and glance at a corner and you suddenly see a giraffe. After a few attempts, I didn't see anything, apart from me.
"I don't understand," I said, getting frustrated. "All I see is me."
"There's nothing to get upset about," reassured Rachel, closing the cupboard door. "Why don't we go back to the settee? It is much more comfortable than standing."
When we were sitting down, Rachel continued. "I think part of the issue is you misheard me. I asked what you saw, not who you saw. You are you, and I'm sure you see a lot of your body when you shower and get changed. However, what do you stand for? What do you believe in? What are your aims in life? What makes you happy or sad?"
"I'd just get on with things. I've never tried to analyse my life."
"Then let's start with something simple. What is your favourite food?"
"Jam Roly Poly," I responded, without hesitation. "Covered in oodles of custard."
"Favourite main course?"
"Roast lamb, with no mint sauce."
"You don't like mint sauce?"
"Gah, no," I said, pulling a face just at the memory of the taste.
"Least favourite meal?"
"Beans on toast."
"Favourite film?"
"Dune."
"Which one?"
I paused from the quick fire questions. "There's more than one?"
"Yes. Can you remember who was in it?"
"Not really. I just enjoyed it. I do remember it had Patrick Stewart in it. You know, him from Star Trek. There is another?"
"Yes, it was done a few years ago, and it was closer to the book, though you will have to wait until you are fifteen to see it. Favourite colour?"
"Yellow."
"Favourite drink?"
"Dr Pepper."
"Was all that scary?"
"Should it have been?"
"I've no idea. It was you, being more open. It might have been a bit crude, but you were telling me things that you liked, and one that you disliked."
"I suppose I did."
"I don't hate you after that. Do you hate yourself more now?"
"No, but this is different."
"How?"
"Because we were talking about something else."
"Did you think that Edith was going to discuss your gender issues?"
"I suppose not."
"Is there anything that you feel scared talking about, regarding the field trip?"
"Yes," I reluctantly replied.
I don't think this was the answer that Rachel was expecting. I heard a small laugh from Stacy. I've got to admit, the expression on Rachel's face was funny.
"Rachel, would it be possible for us to have a few minutes privacy?" piped up Stacy.
I'm not sure what silent conversation went on between Stacy and Rachel, but surprisingly, she agreed. "I'll be outside, and as you know, I won't be able to hear you."
With Rachel gone, Stacy turned to face me. "Is it because of the reaction you had in bed?"
"What?" I asked weakly.
"When I got up, did you stay in bed because you'd got aroused, and need to wait for it to go down?"
I eventually whispered, "Yes." I hung my head in embarrassment.
"I feel quite honoured. Anyway, it was a perfectly natural reaction."
"For me it wasn't," I continued looking up shyly and seeing Stacy was blushing.
"Why?"
"Because I didn't feel sick."
"That's great news. Why, though?"
"I've no idea." It seemed Stacy didn't either.
"It's another clue to the mysterious working of your body. Were you worried that I might be offended?"
"Yes, and worried what Helen would say."
"Helen isn't here. Anyway, I doubt it would be something that would come up with Edith, and if it did, she would recognise it as a natural reaction. I do think it would be worth mentioning it to Rachel."
"Why?" My heart rate started to pick up.
"Because she is probably concerned about why you get sick. Knowing there was an occasion when you didn't, might help."
"But it's so embarrassing."
"I'm here. Do you want me to tell her?"
That is so tempting. However, if she's right and my body was just reacting like it should, then perhaps it will be okay.
"I'll do it," I said quickly, before I changed my mind. "Shall I get Rachel back?"
"Yes, but next time you think you will embarrass me, say something. Refusing to discuss things, because you are worried what others might think, leads to complications. You did it a few weeks ago, and look what happened then."
"I'm trying," I said, going to the door. "It is just so hard to open up."
I opened the door to reveal Rachel on the floor with her back to the wall, playing a game on her PDA. "Having fun?" I teased.
"You are certainly one of the more 'interesting' students at the school," said Rachel, getting up off the floor. "First you fall asleep on my settee, and now you throw me out of my office."
"Sorry." I lowered my head.
"Oh stop it. I wasn't having a go at you, just pointing out that you make my job interesting."
Once the door was again closed, and we were settled, Rachel started, "Well, did you come to any conclusions?"
"I was embarrassed about something that happened. Stacy said it was okay, and I shouldn't have hidden it."
"And?" prompted Rachel for me to continue.
"The night of the concert, I had a nightmare. Stacy, who had been sleeping in the top bunk, joined me, so there would be someone friendly nearby. It worked and stopped me having any more bad dreams."
I stopped. Rachel looked puzzled, wondering if there was something she had missed.
Stacy prodded me to continue.
"In the morning, Stacy and I had a chat about things. When Stacy got up, I realised-" I couldn't say any more and blushed heavily.
"It's okay," whispered Stacy. "I was going to continue for you, but Rachel gave me another warning look. Once you tell her, you'll feel better"
"I got an erection," I said, not even trying to mask the words.
"And?"
"That's it," I said, relieved.
"You are physically male. Your blood work shows you have the expected hormone levels. Being close to a pretty girl, in such a situation, this type of reaction is perfectly natural."
"Are you sure?"
"I'm not sure if you are aware, but a psychiatrist has to go through standard medical training first. I am a fully trained doctor, and worked in a hospital for many years before training in psychiatry. Anyway, it is Dr Sue that did the blood work, and consulted with a qualified endocrinologist."
"Tell her the other news," prompted Stacy.
"I didn't feel sick," I said, almost proudly
This certainly got Rachel's attention. Well she had been paying attention before, but her body suddenly became more upright.
"Are you sure?" Rachel scribbled on her PDA.
"I might not be a trained doctor, and I haven't spent years working in a hospital, but I certainly know that I didn't feel sick."
"Touché, and I will let that cheekiness pass this once, though I don't want to hear it again."
"Sorry. Have you any idea why I didn't feel ill?"
Rachel paused, obviously thinking. She eventually admitted, "At the moment, no, but that doesn't mean I won't find something later. Now that this is out in the open and Stacy hasn't freaked, would you feel better about talking with Edith?"
"I suppose," I sighed.
"Suppose?"
"Okay, yes, I will speak with Edith."
"I wish we could fit you in this evening, but Edith has other appointments. Also, neither of you has spent much time with your partners today. So how about after breakfast tomorrow?"
"Stacy, will you come with me?"
"Sure," she said absentmindedly. Before I could ask what was wrong, her face cleared. She leaned forward and whispered into my ear. As my mind processed the words, I started to feel sick, and before I could get off the settee, I threw up over Stacy, the settee and myself.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 49
Life can be full of unexpected events
I couldn't believe it. Not only had I found out more about myself, but in doing so I'd nearly missed lunch. I didn't like being sick, but I thought this time had been worth it. After changing, I rushed to the dining room, arriving just as the rest of the year were finishing.
"You've changed," Helen stated with obvious concern. "Are you okay?"
"I threw up at the end of the session," stating the obvious to Helen. "I'm okay now."
"Are you sure you're okay?" asked Helen, sounding worried and concerned at the same time. She made no attempt to suggest I see the nurse.
Nobody else at the table said anything, but I could tell they were all taking it in.
"I'm okay. Let me go get my meal, and we can discuss it later."
I'm sure I saw Paula's face fall when she realised I wasn't going to tell more.
In the kitchen, I bumped into Stacy. "I'm sorry I made you sick," she said tentatively.
"As I said earlier, it's okay. You've apologised too many times already. Anyway, you didn't do anything doctors don't do. When I was younger, I remember falling over and hurting my arm. My mum took me to see the doctor, who then started to press the area and to tell him when it hurt. He pressed in just the wrong place and it felt worse than when I fell. Just like he found what the problem was, so did you."
"Do you still want me there tomorrow morning?"
"Of course. Anyway, Edith is expecting us both. I'm sure she'll want to ask you more."
Stacy laughed nervously, "I'm sure she will."
Even though the others in the year had finished, they stayed while I quickly caught up. When Emma and Paula took back the dirty plates, they found trays full of ice cream. It was a nice treat for everyone and it seemed to help me feel a lot better.
"Good luck this afternoon," I said to Helen, when we'd all finished eating.
"Thanks." She gave me one of her special smiles, and my heart rate increased.
"Don't forget, tonight we are going to watch that film Wesley mentioned; The Cutting Edge. So don't be too late back."
"I hope I'm not that late," Helen responded. "I'll be worried if I'm still there for the evening meal."
I was feeling quite apprehensive and kept glancing at the time. It seemed Helen was jittery most of the morning, and had gone through most of the arrangements for tomorrow night's sleepover. I felt at a loose end. I took part in some games, but my heart wasn't in it. Perhaps I should have taken Rachel up on her offer to discuss me being sick, but my heart wasn't in it. I had an appointment to discuss it on Saturday, after the Americans had gone home.
"Have any of you ever tried to walk along the boundary?" asked Tina, as she bowed out of another game of monopoly.
The nine of us from Hayfield all glanced at each other and we all shook our heads. I'd never thought about doing it and had no idea how much ground the school sat on.
"I just thought it would be fun to see a bit more before we went home."
"Sounds great," said Emma. "I've not had a good hike since coming here."
"You used to go hiking a lot?" asked Mel.
"My parents are tenant farmers and I used to help out. It was quite fun really. Well apart from the early getups when I was helping with milking. Some fields weren't that close to the house, and were quite a walk."
"How early did you have to get up for the milking?"
"Five, but I only did that in the holidays. My parents wouldn't let me do it during school time. Our school didn't start until half-eight, so normally I didn't get up until seven. It always took time to get from the farm to the school. If we're going to do this, I think it might be a good idea for us to put on something sturdier than these." She pointed to our trainers. "I think I've seen some walking boots in my wardrobe, so I presume you all have them too."
I couldn't say I'd noticed any walking boots, but I'm sure Emma was right. All the wardrobes appeared to have very similar content, so if she had them, I'm sure I did too.
Jill and Anna accompanied me to my room. "Give us a shout when you're ready," said Jill.
Her comments made me realise that today I'd walked alone twice and not really had any issues. Surely I couldn't be cured. "Thanks," I replied, not wanting to be ungrateful, and slipped into my room.
I decided that the pair of wellies might not be good for going too far, so I opted for a pair of sturdy hiking boots. I'd seen them in the shops, but never thought I would need a pair. When I lived with my parents, such items were outside my parents buying power. I put on some warmer clothes since it was only three Celsius outside.
Just as I was about to leave the room, I remembered what had happened with Jessica and the issues caused by leaving the grounds. Since I wasn't sure how close we could get to the boundary without setting off the alarms, I sent Mr Hobson a message letting him what we were doing. I didn't get a response until we were all about to leave.
Thank you for the warning. As long as you stay on our side of the wall or fence, all will be okay. Please notify me promptly if there are any accidental crossings, so not to cause any issues.
We walked down the drive to the gate and turned right along the boundary. I watched the security camera at the top of the high wall, wondering if it was going to follow us, but it didn't. Where the boundary followed the road, the wall was quite high. However, once the road and wall separated and we were working alongside the adjacent property, the wall lowered and most of us could just about see over.
"Wow," breathed in Martha as she took in the view. All you could see was fields and fields. There was a row of trees a few miles away that seemed to block us seeing further.
"Don't you have views like this at the Manor?"
"No. Well, not exactly like this. We are remote, but it is a lot more mountainous and wild. This just looks like a postcard of the British countryside."
"But isn't this the same view you have from your bedroom window?"
"Yes, but there is nothing like seeing it in person, with the wind blowing through your hair and the smell of the land sparking my imagination."
We all stopped and looked at Martha in amazement. She'd never talked like this before.
"If you think this is good, then you should see some of the views from the beacons," said Sam.
"What are they?"
"Dotted across the country is what are referred to as beacons. Before telephones, if the country was being invaded, the beacon had a large bonfire, which would be lit. This would be spotted at the next beacon, which would light theirs. The message could then spread quickly across the country. Since they are high up, the views from them are amazing. I remember one near where I lived; you had a view right down the Severn valley."
"It's a bit sad that we didn't see more of Britain," sighed Tina, as we continued our walk.
"Hey, you got to see a lot more than some Americans do," Anna reminded her. "Anyway, you can think of this as a teaser and come back when you've finished at school. I bet there are lots of other countries you've visited that you want to go back to see more of, too."
"Yeah," Tina sighed, rather dramatically. There were lots of nods from the American students.
I wonder if we will get bitten by the travel bug when we go to more counties. We hardly touched Moscow, let alone the rest of Russia, though perhaps a visit when it is warmer might be a better idea.
The walk was a great time for us to chat and let the worries from the fieldtrip fade into the background. Perhaps we should have done something like this when the Manor first arrived. Oh well, no use crying over spilt milk.
As we finished going up a small slope I suddenly heard "Hi guys."
Where is she? I looked wildly around, and eventually spotted her, behind a small clump of high bushes, sitting on the side of a quad bike with Andrea.
"Thanks for the lift," Helen thanked Andrea as she hopped off.
"Hey, no probs. Have fun." With that Andrea started the engine and headed back towards the school.
"How did it go?" I asked, as Helen got close.
"It was okay," she replied, giving a small shudder. Her eyes were still slightly red and I presumed it had been a heavy session. "Did I miss much on the walk?"
"Oh, just fields and great scenery."
"Fantastic scenery," corrected Martha.
"Quiet!" Emma, who had stopped, called suddenly.
Surprised at Emma's sudden request, we all came to a halt and stopped our conversations.
"What is it?" whispered Paula.
"I thought I heard-" she broke off as we all heard a faint bleat. "I didn't know they did early lambing here."
"Lambing?" asked Mel. The American students all looked puzzled.
"When sheep give birth to their baby lambs," explained Emma. "Lambing normally starts later in the year, around spring time. However, supermarkets are always after meat all year, so some farms have started the breeding process earlier, so they can provide lambs earlier in the year and get a higher price. It saves the supermarkets shipping lamb in from New Zealand. See that building there? That is the lambing shed."
"Can we go and see?" asked Paula getting excited.
"NO!" Emma shrieked, just as Paula looked like she was going to scale the wall. I was about to shout no myself, but Emma was quicker off the mark. "You can't just enter a farm. Farmers are still paranoid about foot and mouth disease."
I hadn't got the foggiest what Emma was talking about, but it certainly stopped Paula, which saved me having to remind them we shouldn't leave the school grounds without permission.
A farmer came out of the shed and Emma shouted out, "Are you lambing?"
The farmer must have heard as he turned, saw us all at the wall and ambled across. "That's right. I take it you heard the young ones?"
Emma nodded in acknowledgement. "You didn't have any issues tupping so early?"
I hadn't any idea what Emma was talking about, and by the puzzled faces nor did anybody else, apart from the farmer who smiled. "Not anymore."
The conversation went on for a few minutes, and was obviously not just about lambing, but other farming issues. Emma certainly seemed in her element and we gave her the time she needed. Over the months she'd been at Hayfield, she, like the rest of us had all come out of our shells. This was something else though; her eyes were shining with some sort of excitement and passion.
"I wish we could visit," said Paula as we again continued our walk. At the rate we were going, we wouldn't finish the complete circuit before it started getting dark.
"I miss the farm," sighed Emma. "I know I can never see my family after we finish school, but it might be nice if I can join a farm somewhere."
Glancing around, I noticed that Erika and Martha had slipped behind and it occurred to me that Emma's innocent remark must have struck home with Erika. She was shaking slightly and it looked like Martha was comforting her. I slowed down so Mel could catch up. I flicked my head back and she saw the situation, as did Jamie and Helen.
"We'll go on with the others and meet you inside later," Mel said quietly so not to draw attention to the two stationary students.
The school might not have been doing the switch until Friday, but Mel had just confirmed what I'd felt earlier; Martha and Erika were now year-one, not year-D. Helen and I going back to Erika and Martha wasn't unnoticed, but no big show was made of it. In fact, Jamie had picked up the pace and they would soon be out of sight.
Helen linked up next to Erika. "Why don't we go back inside?" she suggested. "Standing out here in the freezing cold isn't going to do you much good."
"Dad must hate me," sobbed Erika, as we slowly trudged back to the main building.
"Why?" asked Martha, sounding rather perplexed.
"Because he must know that after Friday he'll never see me again."
"I think your Dad wants the best for you," I said. "Did you know that he'd already discussed with Mr Hobson that you were likely to request staying here at Hayfield?"
"WHAT?" Erika demanded, grinding to a halt.
"He wasn't in the meeting the other night, as he said it wouldn't have been fair to discuss his own child, but he'd remembered how unhappy you were going back to America last year, so had thought you might bring it up. Anyway, what about you? You've had the privilege of seeing your Dad over the last year, which others haven't. Aren't you going to miss him?"
"Yes, but I've been missing him all year. It's like he's no longer is my Dad, but just the school principle. Does that make any sense? I mean, I would see him around the school, but I couldn't just go to him like I used to."
"Jill said the same thing," Helen added.
"As did Matilda, but you already know that, as you discussed it with her," I added.
Martha, who had been quiet, piped up, "Well, do you want to stay here, or not?"
"Yes. I'm not forcing you, am I?"
"You know I like to travel. My parents were always moving around, and now I am too. Either go or stay, I would do anything to remain with you."
Erika blushed and we just grinned.
We soon got moving again, after Helen's, "Come on you two. Let's get back before your tears freeze on your face."
"I think we're both going to need to clean up when we get back," said Erika, trying to wipe all the tears away.
* * *
"So how was your walk around the schools perimeter?" asked Mr Hobson, who was sitting at our table for the evening meal.
"It started getting dark before we finished," lamented Tina.
"We met a nice farmer from your neighbouring farm," said Paula.
"So he said," said Mr Hobson, his eyes twinkling. "He said it was refreshing how someone so young knew so much about farming. He also wondered, if you were still around, if you would like to see the lambing."
"Oh, could we?" asked Paula getting excited.
"Would tomorrow after lunch be okay?" asked Mr Hobson.
"I'm seeing Mrs Covington again then," sighed Helen.
"I spoke with Mrs Covington just before we came in to eat. She said the visit would be good for you and that she would see you next at eleven on Friday." Then he turned to me, "Sorry, Jayne, but no reprieve for you. She said your meeting with her tomorrow morning really couldn't be postponed."
"The farmer is called Mr Grant," Helen pointed unnecessarily to me. "He could be a distant relative."
Yeah, yeah, here we go again. Didn't they get enough laughter earlier?
Mr Hobson smiled. "I hadn't thought about it before, but his first name is David."
My jaw dropped in surprised, and there was general laughter. At first I thought Mr Hobson was having me on, but looking at his face he seemed serious. He nodded to confirm his earlier statement. I wasn't going to ask Mr Hobson if David Grant the farmer was a relative, as it seemed not everyone knew the detailed checks the school performed. A few weeks ago when Emma got the dollhouse, she seemed surprised that Mr Hobson knew her niece's name.
"Does he have a wife called Helen?" Tina joked.
"No, his wife's called Ruth."
"Don't tell me, he has a daughter called Pip," said Emma, facetiously.
"How did you know?" asked Mr Hobson, sounding surprised. "Have you met them before?"
"No, but from everyone's puzzled faces it looks like nobody else had parents sad enough to listen to The Archers."
"What's The Archers?" asked Wesley. "We studied lots to do with the UK, but I don't remember seeing any mention of that."
"It is the longest running radio serial on UK radio," explained Emma. "It's about a farming community where the main characters are from a family whose surname is Archer. Mum always had it on the radio while we were eating in the evenings. Anyway, in it there is a farmer called David, who has a wife, Ruth, and a daughter, Pip."
"I'll ring Mr Grant later to confirm the visit. Please remember to be on your best behaviour."
"Yes, sir," we chorused.
That night, Helen woke up very upset. I don't remember hearing a scream, but the sound of her sobbing did wake me.
"What's wrong?" I asked, switching on the little lamp on my side of the bed and turning over to face her. I silently cursed the fact my nightie had got slightly twisted, and I didn't turn as easily as I would normally have.
Helen just shook her head and turned away. It wasn't like Helen to bottle things up, so I slid across the bed and put my arm around her. I didn't say anything for a bit, hoping that being close might help. As the crying continued, I began to wonder if I should contact Rachel. All I could murmur was "I'm here," and "It'll be okay". I just hoped that being there would lead to it being okay.
With no improvement, I moved to get my PDA. "No," Helen sobbed barely loud enough for me to hear.
"Then tell me," I demanded, putting my hand on her side, but not snuggling up. I wanted to be able to get to my PDA quickly if I needed. It wasn't like Helen to be like this.
"You died," she eventually blurted out, her crying diminishing.
I died? What is Helen talking about?
"I'm not dead," I said with totally certainty.
"No, in my dream you died."
I didn't say anything, but gently stroked her, waiting for her to continue. "I know it was a dream, but you could have died. The guard could have shot you."
"Yes, he could have," I admitted, hoping that I didn't make things worse. "You could also have died, when you went with Andy to rescue Skip. In fact there were several times any of us could have been arrested, hurt or even killed."
"But I love you," said Helen, turning round. "I don't want you to die. I want us to spend our lives together."
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Perhaps I was jumping to conclusions. "Are you-"
"No, this isn't right," Helen continued. "You need to go and get changed."
"Helen, it's nearly three o'clock."
"We'll probably feel crap tomorrow, but will you please go and get changed? I need you to be David."
"You freaked the last time you saw me as David," I pointed out. "You are only just getting used to Andy."
"I'll be okay," said Helen, only a tinge of doubt in her voice. "I so want this to be right."
As quickly as I could, I used the solvent to remove the attached breast forms, and cleaned my chest. I found a pair of pyjamas and left the nightie on the floor, just in case Helen freaked. On returning to Helen's room, I found she had been busy changing too. I looked away as I felt a bit green, but managed to keep control. I made a mental note to thank Stacy in the morning. Without her revealing what was causing my problem, I would certainly have been sick by now.
Helen must have noticed my discomfort, as when I looked up again, she was donning a dressing gown. She took my hands into hers, and fell onto one knee.
"David, will you marry me?"
My eyes widened as Helen popped the question I'd suspected she was building up to ask. I couldn't help myself, but burst into tears.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 50
Did David/Jayne accept?
Wednesday 4th January 2006
"What are you doing?" queried Helen, wrapping her arms lovingly around me.
"I'm trying to see if the alarm has gone off on Stacy's PDA," I replied, continuing to tap away on my main bedroom computer. This wasn't a job for the PDA, unless I was desperate. "I don't want to wake Stacy by sending this message."
"I'm sure Matilda could have done it by now," teased Helen.
"I'm sure she could have," I agreed, tilting my head back, and getting the hoped for kiss. My body started to tingle and I quickly returned my concentration back to the computer, or I might never finish what I was doing.
"So?" prompted Helen, when I squeaked with success.
"Hers isn't set." I tapped a bit more. "However, Andy's went off twenty-eight minutes ago. It seems they get up really early."
"What are you waiting for? Send the message," Helen eagerly demanded, jarring me from my thoughts on whether the early wakeup was for this mysterious medical stuff that Andy had mentioned. I really must ask Rachel what this dilation is.
"Hold your horses," I protested, as I pulled up the message we'd composed earlier and majestically hit the send button.
"We're committed now."
"We didn't put that much information in the message," I pointed out.
"True." Helen gave me a slightly worried look. "You do want this, don't you?"
"Yes," I reassured, before giving an enormous yawn. "Oh, I think I'm going to need some strong coffee to get through today. I don't want to be falling asleep at tonight's party, so I'll see if I can have a nap after the trip to the farm."
"That sounds a good idea," Helen grinned lecherously.
I didn't get to respond as the phone rang, which was probably for the best. The PDA showed it was Stacy.
"Hi, sorry to message you this early. Do you have a time for a chat before breakfast?"
"Of course. Is this just you, or is Helen joining us?"
"Just me, if you don't mind."
"Don't you have enough private time with me already? If we're not careful, people are going to start talking."
I heard Andy, somewhere in the background, burst out laughing. I'm glad he did, as I thought she was serious at first.
"You're not laughing," Stacy pointed out, after I was silent.
"No, I'm not."
"How do you want to do this? Do you want to join me on my morning run, or would you rather we sit down and chat?"
Running was tempting. If the discussion gets too bad, I could just leg it. Though on second thoughts, Stacy is very fit, and would probably catch up with me.
"Would you mind if we, umm, had a chat in a nice warm room?" I almost sounded apologetic.
"Sounds good, especially in this weather. Andy's still going for a run and wondered if Helen wanted to join him? "
I passed on the offer to Helen, who agreed and scurried off to get changed.
"Helen is a go with that," I told Stacy. "I'm going to jump in the shower, so give me ten minutes."
"Since I'm not running, I'll be showering too, so don't panic about time. We'll knock on Helen's door, so you can get ready in peace."
Not wanting to be caught by their arrival, I closed the interconnecting door and took my clothes into the bathroom, so I could get ready there.
I can't believe Helen asked me that last night; well I suppose it was this morning. I know the worry about what happened in Russia is still playing on her mind and she doesn't want to lose me. Heck I don't want to lose her, but I'm not sure if I'm ready for that commitment. Anyway, isn't the guy, supposed to do the asking? Just one more spade in the burial of my masculinity. I've only seen the discrete symbol of affirmation on Fran and Ingrid in year-two, so it doesn't look like they have all sorted themselves out. It was obvious during the revue practices that Sophia and Renee only use one room. I wonder why they haven't been through affirmation.
Worried about how long I'd been showering, I quickly pulled myself out of my introspection and rushed to get ready. I shouldn't have worried as Helen was just leaving with Andy.
"So Jayne, what do you want to discuss this early in the morning?" asked Stacy, as I quickly grabbed last night's abandoned clothes from the floor to put into the laundry chute. I noticed that she noticed the male pyjamas, but she didn't say anything.
"Yesterday's comment." I swallowed, trying to keep myself from being ill just at the thought. I think I managed, because it wasn't a surprise, and I'd had time to digest things. "Were you serious?"
I don't know if it was the bluntness of the question, or the subject, but a quick look of surprise flashed across Stacy's face.
"Before you came to Hayfield, had you ever been out with anybody before?"
"No, but what's that got to do with it?"
"Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. Mostly, I'm just nosey. Yesterday, I had a theory about what was making you ill. What I said was the only thing I could think of to see if my guess was right. I don't want you having issues when you get close to Helen, like you did at the revue."
"Thanks," I said relieved, as I didn't like having those issues either.
"Just knowing what causes it has helped a bit, but I know it's something I'm going to have to discuss with Rachel. She has scheduled me in for Saturday to chat about it, which I'm sure she is looking forward to."
"Yes and no. I don't think she likes any pupil being ill like that, but I'm also sure she is also worried about what you and Helen might do if you aren't ill."
"Huh?"
"You knew Helen before coming here. Besides Anna and Jill, you are the only ones in year one that are so close to each other. I think they are worried that things will progress quicker than you are ready for."
"Helen proposed last night."
It was a good thing that I'd not offered Stacy a glass of water, or she would have sprayed it all over the room. To her credit, she quickly recovered. "So? Don't just sit there. Tell me everything!"
It didn't take long to tell her. During my narration, she sat there amazed and kept prompting me to go into an excruciating amount of detail.
"So how long were you back in male clothes?"
"Not that long. Helen lasted a bit until after the proposal. Once she'd got that off her chest, she seemed to think back to earlier and the worry about me being shot." I realised that I was talking about my feeling and tried to get things back on a safer topic. "So what is the procedure about affirmation?"
"You need to see Rachel to discuss it. She won't stop it, but she will counsel you both, especially on whether you're both ready for this commitment. Yes, it might not be marriage, but the school takes it as seriously as a marriage."
"We're ready," I said confidently.
"Really? You are both only thirteen. Don't you think this is a bit young to think about affirmation?"
"I'll be fourteen next week." This got a small, almost exasperated shake of her head.
"And you asked about yesterday's question? If I'd repeated yesterday's proposal and said that I wanted us to jump into bed and you be the first one to try out my new plumbing, would you have been telling me about Helen's proposal?"
"What about your affirmation with Andy?" I shot back.
"Indeed, but you haven't answered my question."
"I love Helen with all my heart, which is why I said yes last night, well, this morning. So, are you going to tell me what else has to be done, apart from telling Rachel?"
Stacy sighed. "Okay, book an appointment to see Rachel. She'll discuss it with you and explain the process. You will then need to arrange the people you wish to be involved and when you are ready, Mr Hobson will make the announcement."
"Do you think we're rushing things?"
"A little. You might be fourteen next week, but you are still a bit young to decide on such a commitment. You will be the first year-one that I've heard of that has ever done this. I know you have known each other for years, and you guys know a lot more about each other than most do in year-one, which is what might stop Rachel having kittens. In some ways, I wish I could be there when you tell her, just to see her reaction."
An evil thought jumped into my mind and I broke into a grin.
"What are you planning?" asked Stacy.
"Oh, nothing." I couldn't help but grin.
"How much sleep did you get last night?"
"Since Helen had her nightmare, we haven't been back to sleep. We just needed to talk about things. Apart from our chat with Edith, I'm going to see if I can get a nap for a few hours so I don't fall asleep in the party tonight."
"Okay, but expect a grilling when you turn up yawning at breakfast. The last time you looked this tired was when you broke the school rules. You didn’t break them last night, did you?"
"No." I paused, trying to decide whether to ask Stacy something now or wait until later. Stacy must have seen I was wrestling with something as she waited, looking expectantly at me. "Is it worth it?"
"The affirmation ceremony?"
"No, what you went through to become Stacy?"
"For me it was."
"Do people who transition ever regret doing it?"
"Sometimes, though rarely at this school. There was a case last year where a psychiatrist thought a pupil was transgendered because they didn't tell them the whole truth; so even at this school things aren't always perfect. At least that got sorted out before things went beyond discussion."
"Do people have the op and then change their mind?"
"It does happen, but thankfully it isn't often. You'd have to ask Rachel, but I'm not aware of it ever happening with any pupils from this school."
"Do you think I would be better staying as Jayne forever?"
"Only you can answer that. I doubt even Rachel would answer such a question. Only you should make the choice for you. And having The Op is only one option. Think about Jill, she plans to live as Jill, but never change her plumbing, and there are many other variants. Let's hope Andy's bit of dress up fun with you will help you try to discover you."
"That's still going to happen?"
"Sure is, but when you are ready. Don't you think there's been enough excitement over the last week? I'm sure Rachel wants to make sure everything is calm before she lets Andy go off the deep end."
I felt horrified and I did nothing to stop that horror being plastered right across my face. It sunk in; d I knew that Andy, being the person he was, might have a laugh, but would never do anything to hurt anybody. I'd seen how upset he'd been after the action that once in the orchestra. My horror and fear melted and I gave a nervous laugh. "I look forward to it ... I think."
Helen came back exhausted. "Andy, I said to take it easy with her," admonished Stacy.
"I did," he protested.
"We are more used to cycling and have only just started jogging," I explained. "Also we had slightly less sleep than normal."
Andy's eyebrows shot up.
"You didn't tell him?" I asked Helen.
"I didn't know how to," she panted.
"Helen proposed last night," I explained.
"Way to go, Helen!" Andy paused and then asked, "Aren't you a bit young though?"
"I'll be fourteen next week," I protested.
"I'm sure Rachel will bring it up, too," Helen sighed.
"We aren't telling you not to speak with Rachel," Stacy explained. "Just be aware that there will be some surprised people out there and probably suggestions that you wait."
"I know. Can you keep this to yourselves for now?"
"Of course. It is always good for any announcement to be a surprise. Jayne, I'll see you after breakfast. Do you want me to collect you like yesterday?"
"Sounds good."
Stacy and Andy left, and Helen went to get a shower. Alone, I began to worry what others would say. I want to be with Helen forever, but are we rushing things? I don't think so, as we've known each other for years. Ingrid and Fran had got their relationship affirmed the other month and they've only known each other just over a year.
"Do you think we're rushing things?" Helen asked, disturbing my thoughts. She sure does shower quickly.
"Not really, as we've known each other a lot longer than a lot of other couples have. Are we a bit young? Perhaps, but I don't think I'll change the way I think about you in a year or ten. According to Stacy, we have to tell Rachel and she will guide us through the rest."
Helen sat quietly for a minute, before asking "So you do want to go through with this?"
"Yes."
"Then send Rachel the message now," urged Helen.
"Do you mind if we wait until breakfast? I want to help a wish come true for Stacy."
"Which was?"
"She wished she could see Rachel's face when we told her."
It took Helen a microsecond to understand and she sniggered in appreciation. We spent the time before going to the common room to outline a plan of what we would send. We both tried our best to keep the silly grins off our face.
Neither of us felt too tired as we went down, though we knew it wouldn't last. Indeed, a yawn during breakfast by Emma set me off, and Helen obliged by yawning too.
"Are you okay?" asked Keith, obviously concerned due to the sizes of our yawns.
"Yes, just a bit tired," yawned Helen. "I had a nightmare which woke us up and we found it hard to go back to sleep afterwards, so we talked a bit about the nightmare and other stuff. I'm feeling a lot better now, and if it's okay, we talked about having a nap later, otherwise we might fall asleep during tonight's party. If I need to, I will go to see Rachel to talk more about it."
While we were eating, Helen sent the message to Stacy, "Standby for your wish to come true" while I sent off the message to Rachel. "Helen proposed last night. Can we see you sometime to discuss affirmation?"
Rachel was sitting at the year-five table, which let Stacy and Andy have a good view of her reaction, but unfortunately we missed it. On the upside, it gave her time to think about the situation. Well, I hope it was an upside. Mr Hobson was sitting at the year-C table, which we did have a good view of, and a few minutes after we'd send the message to Rachel, he suddenly started coughing on his coffee. A quick glare in our direction didn't bode well for later. However, our mobiles stayed eerily quiet and no response came before the end of breakfast.
"You didn't break the rules again, did you?" hissed Jill, as we made our way to the common room.
"What do you mean?" I said innocently.
"The only time I've seen you this tired, and trying to suppress a happy grin, was when you and Helen broke the school rule about keeping on your underwear that once."
"We didn't break any rules, though we could have done with more sleep. As we told Keith, and you heard, Helen had a nightmare which kept us up."
"And the silly grin?"
"I'll tell you later," I whispered.
We weren't back in the common room long before Stacy turned up. "See you all later," I said as I walked to the door.
"Rachel asked if Helen could come too," said Stacy. Why wasn't I surprised!
The whispers of "good luck" from year-one made me realise how many thought we'd broken the rules again.
"How did Rachel take it?" I asked Stacy, as we made our way up the stairs.
"Choked on her porridge."
"Oops. Perhaps we shouldn't send notes like that during meals. I think she must have forwarded it to Mr Hobson, as he glanced our way after spluttering on his coffee."
When we arrived at Edith's office, only Edith was there. "Come on in. Dr Ruiz said she would be a few more minutes as Mr Hobson asked to see her."
Helen and I sat on the settee and Edith took her usual chair. As we waited, she must have been looking us over, as she asked, "Jayne and Helen, are you okay? You both look rather tired."
"I had a bad nightmare last night which woke up Jayne. We didn't get to sleep after that."
Helen started crying as she remembered vividly the nightmare. All I could do was hold her, and repeatedly tell her that I wasn't dead. She had just started to recover when Rachel slipped into the room and took a seat.
Still in my arms, Helen recovered enough to explain her nightmare, though at times she came close to breaking down again.
"Does retelling it now cause as much grief as it did last night?" asked Edith.
"No, it was really bad last night. It took me a while to realise that the person holding me was the one I thought was dead. I think Jayne got a bit worried at one stage, and nearly called for help."
Turning to me, Edith asked, "Why didn't you?"
"Because Helen started to calm down. She just appeared very upset and confused; nothing worse."
"What time did this happen?"
"About three."
"Don't let the hour cause you to hesitate ringing for support if you think you need it," said Edith. Rachel nodded in agreement. "I'd feel better about getting a three am phone call asking for help than having you, or another student, suffer. So Helen, how have you been this morning?"
"Tired, but I don't seem to be suffering anything else. Will I get more of these nightmares?"
"Probably. Not every night, but probably. You'll most likely have more nightmares until you have all the issues worked out. It's not anything to be ashamed off. People who suffer trauma commonly get nightmares."
"Does anybody from the Alpha team?" I asked, looking at Rachel.
Rachel looked at Edith, like she was asking permission to answer. "Now and again. Not always after they have been on a mission either, but some things they see hits them weeks or months later. There's no simple rule."
Edith stood up. "I'll leave you to have your chat with Dr Ruiz. Give me a shout when you're finished."
Stacy spoke for the first time. "Rachel, it might not be a bad idea for Edith to stay, as some things that happened will be of great interest to her and it saves them being repeated."
"Stacy, how much do you know?" Rachel asked, as Edith retook her seat.
"Everything, I think. Jayne called me early this morning and I spent time going over it with her while Helen went for a run with Andy."
Turning to us, Rachel asked, "I presume your conversation after the nightmare was why you sent me the message this morning?"
"Mostly."
"Okay, for Edith's benefit, over breakfast I got a message from these two, to discuss them holding an affirmation ceremony."
They must do the same thing in America, as Edith seemed to know what it was.
"Who proposed to whom?" asked Edith.
"Helen asked me to change, so she could propose to me as David." Edith and Rachel started scribbling earnestly on their PDA's. "Once I was changed, Helen got down on one knee and popped the question."
"How romantic," Edith sighed. Rachel must have been made of sterner stuff as only a small smile made it to her face. "Yet Jayne is here this morning, not David. Helen, how long did you last before the visual impact became too much?"
"About half an hour," said Helen, slightly ashamed.
"That is progress," reassured Edith. "A few days ago, you didn't last a minute before fainting."
"Helen didn't freak out though," I explained. "I saw it was becoming hard on her, and I suggested I change, which she accepted."
Rachel turned more serious, and was almost stern. "You said that you didn't go back to sleep. Did you break any of the school rules?"
I thought about being flippant, but decided it wouldn't be appropriate. "No. We didn't have sex and we kept our underwear on while in the same room."
"So what did you do?"
"We chatted about Fran and Ingrid's affirmation ceremony, and what we might want in ours. We also then discussed what had happened in Russia, and the impact the Beta program had on us."
"Such as?"
"If we were too young, the problems we've had since, if we should continue with the Beta team, if it should exist at all."
"And?"
"We still want to make a difference, and we do seem to have certain qualities, which makes us fit in well. We decided it is something we do want to continue with."
"Do you feel you're too young?"
"I think we weren't fully ready, but I'd rather have more training than give up. I'm not sure how much training helps with being shot at. I suppose there must be something, or soldiers would go potty."
"Some do, even after training. Before you came here, did either of you ever cover World War One during your history lessons?" asked Rachel.
"No," Helen and I said together.
"Okay, it might be interesting for you to read about the reactions of some of the soldiers and how they were treated. At the time it was called Shell Shock. Today we now call it Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The officers didn't understand, and described the soldiers that were suffering as cowards. When they were asked to go back to the frontline and couldn't, some were shot for desertion."
"Am I suffering from that post thingy disorder?" Helen asked, worriedly.
"We don't know yet. It is all about a matter of degree. Some people can learn to live with stress. Some understand eventually what happened and get over it. Others continue to suffer for many years after."
"I still get the occasional nightmare from my rape, but it doesn't rule my life," interjected Stacy. "It is something I've learnt to live with. I've also learnt that some people that are raped still get frightened to go out by themselves years later.
"Will this stop me being part of the Beta team?" worried Helen.
"If you are suffering and can't cope, then would it be fair on you, or others, to put you in that situation?"
"I suppose not. I want to make a difference though."
"If we need to, we can make a difference in other ways." I put my arms around Helen to reassure her.
"Helen, why don't we go and have a chat about affirmation," Rachel suggested, getting up.
I looked hopelessly at Helen as she got up. I still dreaded this chat with Edith about what happened in Russia. However, I knew that if I didn't talk, Helen would be very upset with me.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 51
The end of Immigration Manors visit draws close. So what is Sam's secret?
Wednesday 4th January 2006
Helen grabbed me as I entered the common room. "You don't seem too bad. You didn't fall asleep during it, did you?"
I pretended to be cross. "No, I didn't!" I then laughed, spoiling the effect. "It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. What about your chat with Rachel?"
"It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be," Helen replied, mimicking my response, and not doing too bad a job with mirroring how I spoke. That raised a few heads of those in the common room. "The obvious objection was raised, and we are to see her tomorrow 'sometime after we've woken'."
"It sounds like she doesn't expect us to be up very early."
"Unless you two have a nap, I doubt you will make it as far as normal curfew," pointed out Emma.
"After the farm visit. It's too close to lunch now," said Helen. I couldn't help but smile at her preoccupation with mealtimes. At least she wasn't as bad as Lewis, but she wasn't far off. I wonder if Brian would be more vocal about food if he wasn't as shy. He seemed to eat with the same gusto as the other guys, but in some inexplicable way he seemed more refined.
"How do we get to the farm?" Paula asked. "Do we just jump over the wall near the lambing shed?"
Emma looked horrified and looked like she was going to respond, but Helen got there first.
"No. This came up this morning at the end of my chat with Rachel. If we walk out of the front gate, and turn right, we should find an entrance just along the road. Since we were only going next door, I also enquired if our standard PDA's would still work. They might, but they would rather we take our travel ones so we can be contacted in an emergency."
A familiar groan filtered through the room. Doing PDA changeovers for ten people wasn't too bad, but thirty seemed a waste of time, especially since we were only going next door. Indeed, after lunch we noticed three boxes waiting outside our common-room. The smallest contained the travel PDA's, while the other two large ones contained wellies.
"Oh, whoopee," said Brian sarcastically as he picked up the box with the PDAs. Phil and Aaron dragged in the other two.
"You get used to it," shrugged Melissa. "I remember the pain we had to go through each time we left the Manor in our first year. At that time no students had the authority to do the transfers, so the whole school had to collect in the computer lab so RJ could do the deed. I think RJ was as glad as everyone else when the school assigned someone in each year. Now it's just part of the ritual."
I'd now assisted with the PDA switches several times, and got into some sort of rhythm.
"That's one minute thirty-two seconds quicker than last time," said Anna, as I finished the last PDA.
"You've been timing me?" I uttered, rather surprised.
"It gives me something to do," she responded, non repentant.
I felt slightly peeved as I took the boots Helen passed to me. "I'll try to get quicker, but there's only so much I can do. It takes time for the profile to upload and then download the travel version. We are waiting for a software update which should make things a lot quicker."
"I'm not saying that," sighed Anna. "It is just a bit of fun for me. I know it takes time to do them and you do it really well."
"Sorry, I'm just a bit tired."
"Ah, are you one of those people that get grumpy when tired?" asked Mel.
I noticed Helen nodding her head. "Only a little," I admitted.
Apart from our shopping trip to Milton Keynes, this was the only time I'd gone off the property without staff being with us. I suppose the biggest reason is that the school was in a rather secluded area, and there wasn't really anywhere to go off the premises. The school was also worried about exposure. They'd been worried about Jill and Anna going to Milton Keynes before Christmas, just in case they were recognised. At least here we were only going next door; so no chance of us seeing anybody that knew us.
Once ready, it was a rather pleasant stroll in the cold but dry winter afternoon. The farm gate wasn't too far down the road, and as we approached we saw Mr Grant strolling towards his side of the gate.
"I got a phone call saying you were on your way." He looked us over and nodded in relief. "I see you are all wearing sensible footwear and haven't dressed up for the occasion."
I was glad we'd had someone like Emma who could properly advise us. As we approached the shed we had to walk through a tray of disinfectant, which made me so glad I hadn't been wearing normal shoes or even trainers.
"If I'd worn sneakers, my feet would have been soaking," uttered Ruth, echoing my thoughts.
The lambing shed was set out into small pens, with a several ewes in each. It seemed strange to call such a large building a shed, but that's what Emma and Mr Grant call it. As we walked in, I saw other, larger pens with a mixture of ewes and lambs. Emma, who'd been next to me as we walked into the shed, had disappeared. I stopped to look around, wondering where she was, just to find her catching up. Mr Grant was laughing.
Emma obviously heard him. "Sorry, force of habit."
"A good habit to have. Since you automatically disinfected your hands when you came in, I take it you live on a farm?"
"I used to, though our flock wasn't anywhere near this size."
"Should we disinfect?" asked Paula.
"If you stick to the path, and don't go touching the animals, then you should be okay. I would ask you all to refrain from disturbing the animals by stroking them; lambing can be quite hard and for some ewes, this is their first year."
I'd been expecting it to be cold in here, but it was rather nice. I presume they must have kept the place warm because of the newborns.
Emma was in her element. She stuck with us, but you could tell she was taking in the entire situation and was obviously seeing a lot more than the rest of us. As we wandered around, we saw some farm hands tagging newly born lambs, others mucking out pens, and even some assisting a birth that wasn't going as well as it might.
"Do you have to assist with all of the births?" asked Jessica.
"No, we do know when a ewe is expected to have her lamb, but mostly we just let nature take her course. We then clean things up, and make sure the lamb and mother bond and the little one gets milk from the mother. When they are both ready, we move them to another building while they get stronger, before moving them outside."
"Sounds simple," said Ruth.
"If everything goes to plan it is, but it is very tiring," said Emma, knowingly. "Lambs aren't just born between nine and five. Farmers have to work in shifts, which after a few days becomes exhausting. Nature also doesn't go as hoped; lambs don't always survive, nor do all the ewes."
"We lost a ewe last night and another a few hours ago," said Mr Grant. "Another ewe has accepted the first lamb as her own. Unfortunately the last ewe died after giving birth to two lambs and we're having to hand rear them." He paused and looked at Emma with a slight smile. "They should have recovered enough for their first feed. Emma, did you ever have to do this?"
"Yes, it was always the last resort, but I had to do it a few times." The wistful look on her face said it all. Emma really missed her time at the farm.
"We have spare overalls in the room at the back." Mr Grant pointed to a door at the far side. "Would you like to assist?"
"Really?" she squealed.
"Really," he laughed.
It didn't take her long to change, and she came back with a very happy grin. We moved to the pen where the two orphaned lambs were. An oldish man approached carrying what looked like two large syringes with plastic tubes on the ends. He was closely followed by a younger farmer.
"These two lambs haven't had any colostrum," explained Emma to us. "Since their mother died, this is the easiest way to make sure they have it. Also, if they are bottle fed, it will be harder to try again to use another ewe as a surrogate."
The oldish farmer's eyebrows went up in surprise. "She seems to know a lot for someone on a visit." He handed the syringes to Mr Grant.
"Thanks Graham," said Mr Grant, he then turned to Emma. "I'd have gone a lot more technical if I'd tried to explain it. Now hop into the pen and let's see if you can walk-the-walk."
"I don't want to intrude," mumbled Emma.
"Nah, you can do mine," said Graham, eager to see if this young girl could actually do it.
Emma entered the pen, took the proffered milk followed by the newborn lamb, and next thing I know she did some type of measurement with the tube and soon was happily feeding the lamb.
Graham and Mr Grant shared a smile, as they saw Emma happily sitting on a bale of hay, feeding the lamb. It was obvious to them that this girl did know her stuff.
"There we go," said Emma, removing the feeding tube and placing the lamb onto the floor. The lamb, still finding its legs, wobbled away.
The young farmer was obviously enamoured by Emma and hadn't even started on his lamb, as he'd just been watching her. As soon as he noticed that we were all watching him, he blushed and got on with doing his.
"Nice job," praised Mr Grant. Emma just continued to beam. It was obvious to everyone around that this girl really enjoyed life on the farm.
"Do you have other animals?" asked Philip.
"We have a nice heard of Friesian cows, but they are more towards the farmhouse at the other end of our fields."
When it was time to leave, it was like the spark left Emma. She was a happy girl while at school and was always enthusiastic. However, when with the animals, it was like there was something additional. She was in her element, knew what was happening and was happy to share that with us.
I wasn't the only one to notice, and Paula started asking Emma if she'd dealt with cows at her parent's farm. A big smile re-appeared, "Oh yeah, the cows were great. In some ways they are even better than the lambs and sheep. They make the worst sounds when separated from their calves, this rather woeful moo."
As we started up the drive to the school, a car passed. I noticed it was Matilda and June. I wonder where those two have been for the day. I'm sure I wasn't the only one to notice who was in the car, but nobody mentioned it.
I thought I would have been more tired, after a disturbed night, but at the moment I felt great. Perhaps the smell of farm animals, or the fresh air afterwards was what kept me going. When we got back to the school, I did the ritual of logging in the travel PDA's. Helen and I went to her bedroom where we snuggled up for an afternoon nap. There is nothing better than being with the one you love.
It seemed strange waking up seeing it light outside; this was the winter after all. It took a bit longer to come round, but when I was up, I had to admit that I did feel a lot better than when I went to bed. It was too early to get ready for the party, so we put on our clothes from earlier. When we got down to the common room, it seems we weren't the only ones that had taken a nap. It sounded like we all wanted to enjoy tonight.
It was weird that we wouldn't be eating with the rest of the school, but tonight was our party, so we spent time discussing the trip to the farm and what we would wear tonight. Well some of us discussed what we would wear and others made sure they stayed well away from that conversation.
Just before we started getting the room ready, Mr Hobson came by. "How did you enjoy your trip?"
There were a lot of positive comments, and Emma got this almost dreamy look at the reminder.
"I'm glad you enjoyed it. I had a phone call from Mr Grant who had nothing but praise about you all. So, as our first visit with our neighbour, I think it all went well. He also invited you all round again. I explained to him that ten of you lived here, including you Emma. He instantly invited you all to a meal in a few weeks time, after lambing had finished. Emma and Paula, I would like to see you two after your chat and before your party starts. Don't worry, you aren't in trouble and it shouldn't take too long. If you all come to a decision about going for the meal before Emma and Paula see me, they can let me know. "
Mr Hobson left us, and Helen took charge in deciding. "Okay, let's do this quickly. Do any of you have anything against us going for this meal? Jayne?"
"No."
"Emma?"
"No."
"Paula?"
"No."
"Jill?"
"No."
"Anna?"
"No."
"Erika?"
"No."
"Martha?"
"No."
"Brian?"
"No."
"Lewis?"
"Erm, well..."
A roomful of eyes trained on him.
"Just kidding. Do you think I would refuse going somewhere where there's food? "
"I suppose not." I laughed as cushions sailed across the room at him.
Both Emma and Paula looked very nervous. I moved across and asked them quietly, "Is this the first time you've been to Mr Hobson's office?"
"Yeah."
"Don't worry, I've been there a few times, and he's very nice. He said you weren't in trouble, so don't panic."
"Is that in nice friendly letters?" Paula joked nervously. I wonder if it was Paula who'd borrowed the copy of Hitchhikers Guide from the library. It wasn't there when I looked the other day.
"Do you want me to go with you?" I offered.
It looked as if Emma seriously considered it, but Paula answered, "We'll be okay. If we aren't back before the party starts, then send a search party."
"It won't start for an hour. We have the room to prepare, get changed, and get our night clothes."
With so many of us, the room didn't take that long to sort. The settees were all dragged to the sides, leaving room for whatever events were taking place. Jessica ran upstairs to the library to get the reserved twister mats.
Thursday 5th January 2006
I couldn't believe it. Why couldn't I have stayed asleep like I did the other day? Since this was a special morning, due to last night's party, we didn't need to get up so early and be at breakfast. It was expected that we wouldn't go to sleep until very late, and we hadn't. It was also expected that we would sleep in, which my body didn't seem to want.
"Are you awake?" Helen murmur from next to me.
"Yeah, and I can't get back to sleep," I responded, turning over to see her face. She always looked so beautiful. "Do you reckon anybody else is awake?" I wanted to snuggle up with her, but didn't want to do so in front of the others.
"I can't hear Anna snoring," Helen replied, less quietly. My heart sank knowing there was no way we would cuddle or kiss in front of others.
"I don't snore!" Anna responded from not too far away, which started a lot of laughter. If anybody was asleep, they weren't anymore.
"It looks like we might make breakfast," Lewis said, sitting up.
"Before you all go and change, I've got something to say," announced Sam. The room quickly fell silent. It wasn't everyday that people made an announcement and when someone did, we all paid attention. "I don't want to leave this school without everyone knowing the truth."
I thought Sam might say more, but there was only silence.
"And?" prompted Mel.
"I'm going to go to breakfast as me. If I stay that way, I'm not sure. I suppose it depends what's happening today."
"Anything else?" Mel asked. Sam was once again silent. I don't think this was an easy announcement for Sam.
"I don't want anybody else warned. I want to see everyone's true reaction."
There were lots of nods, as everyone agreed to Sam's request. I was pretty confident that the upper years would be okay, as they had learnt to expect the unexpected; though even then, this was pretty out there. Apart from Matilda, years A, B and C from The Manor were totally unknown to me. I had no idea how they would react.
"How about we all meet in good time and go to breakfast all together," suggested Jessica. It was something we mostly did anyway, but it seemed to make Sam happier.
I was glad that Helen had suggested that I bring a change of clothes for this morning. I didn't want to walk to my room in my nightie, nor in last night's party clothes. When we got back to our room, the door slammed shut and we fell into each other's arms.
Our closeness was interrupted by Mel ringing to discuss Sam. She and Jamie had similar worries about how the lower years would be. However, she knew that they might sometimes be a rowdy bunch, they would soon settle. It was just that she was afraid that initial bit would scare Sam. Mel also thought we should warn Ellen, so the support staff were at the younger years' tables in good time. That way if Sam decided to go in early, there would be people there who could explain.
With things sorted, there wasn't time for a run, so we both rushed to shower and get ready. We didn't want to be one of the last into the common room, as had been the case recently.
When we got there, it appeared that everyone else had wanted to be in good time, as we were yet again one of the last. There were only Jill and Anna who arrived shortly after us. Sam looked slightly nervous, and seemed to be clinging to Jessica. As the conversation turned to last night's party, Sam started to join in. Nobody seemed to understand how Ruth was so flexible and managed to win the twister competition. Ruth just smiled happily and said it was her parent's fault.
"Hey, isn't it breakfast time?" asked Lewis, interrupting the ongoing chat about last night.
"So it is," laughed Helen, as she quickly jumped up.
Sam looked a bit pensive, but when Jessica joined hands, seemed to smile a bit. We walked towards the dining room as a group and were spotted by a few individuals. Thank goodness they were from the top two years, and they just said "Hi" as they passed.
We paused at the dining room door. "Are you okay?" asked Jessica.
"Let's just do it," said Sam, taking a deep breath. Sam pulled the door open, went through with Jessica, and we all followed behind.
Sam didn't go unnoticed as we all made our way to our tables. I noticed a few smiles and a few people pointing Sam out to others, but there was no laughter, and it looked like people were just interested.
All went well until we went near year-A. "Why are you wearing that costume?" one asked surprised.
"Nah, it looks like Sam is being punished, like they did the other month with year-C," sniggered Megan and the rest of those from year-A started laughing.
"That's enough," said Ellen sternly. "Sam isn't being punished, like those from year-C were when they were acting immaturely." Year-A had learned enough over their six months at The Manor to understand they'd made a grave mistake. The whole table went deathly silent.
"Sam," piped up Rachael. Sam came to a halt. She jumped up from her chair, leaving her stick and hobbled across to Sam and gave a big hug. "I'm sorry if we jumped to the wrong conclusion. You do look good."
"Thanks," blushed Sam, slightly embarrassed as everyone in the room was looking their way.
"Let's go sit," suggested Mel, and we all managed to reach our table without incident.
Mr Hobson stood up and the room fell silent. "Okay, it looks like everyone is seated. All I can say is that I'm proud of you all for the way you reacted to Sam this morning. You have shown that this school can tolerate people who have different needs. Well done all of you. Today is the last full day that we have Immigration Manor with us, so please make the most of things." Mr Hobson paused for a moment. "We seem to all be ready slightly earlier than the kitchen staff, so please talk among yourselves while we wait for the bell."
The room buzzed with chatter and while we waited, the post was distributed. Most people got messages from home via email, so it was rare. The biggest things were postcards from parents when they'd been somewhere. Today the only person from year-one to get anything was Emma.
"It's from my sister," she announced after glancing at the envelope. She opened it and started to read the letter. As she finished she gave a small laugh. "Seems my sister has found someone at last. I'll have to tell you all later how they met; you'll never believe it."
That sparked all our interests and we all complained about her teasing.
It was our last day without lessons, our last day with our new friends from America, and we didn't know what to do with ourselves. After breakfast, we made our way back to the common room to talk about what we might do later. Brian had a meeting with Becky later, and Rachel had the pleasure of Helen and my company to continue discussing our affirmation request.
* * *
Rachel ushered us into her room and indicated the settees. "Did you both enjoy last night?"
"Yeah," we replied in unison.
"How on Earth did you manage to get pizzas delivered?" I asked.
"You did say that it was something you all missed. Just don't tell the kitchen staff or they'll get at me for not asking them to make them. Oh, that reminds me, do any of you know anything about some tubs of missing ice-cream?"
"The kitchen is missing some?" Helen asked innocently.
"Oh, little bits are always disappearing, especially the chocolate. However, three large tubs seemed to have gone missing, which was a bit unexpected."
Helen and I sat there, not saying anything. The ice-cream had really gone well with the pizza.
Rachel eventually continued. "If you do hear who it was, please get them to return the tubs so they can make more. Also, it seems they had been trying out some slightly different recipes, so they would appreciate some feedback."
"We, I mean, they aren't in trouble?" queried Helen.
"They will be if they don't return the tubs. Why do you think that certain types of snacks and drinks are in that open area of the kitchen? Anyway, I don't think such a large quantity will go missing again in the future, will it? Now, I've sorted out that small task, let's talk about affirmation. Before you get all upset and think I'm trying to stop it; I'm not. I just want to make sure you both fully understand what you are asking for. Are you willing to listen and discuss it?"
I looked at Helen. So far Rachel had been straight with us, but it wasn't like her to pre-empt us getting antsy.
"If we listen, but at the end still want to go through with it, could we?" Helen asked, slightly worried.
"If I feel you have listened, and understood, then yes. The only time I would recommend you didn't was if I thought it could cause serious issues. Remember, your welfare is my top priority."
Reluctantly, we both nodded our agreement. We had expected a bit of a chat, but it sounded like Rachel was building up to something a lot bigger.
"In hindsight, I'm not surprised by your request. From almost as soon as you joined the school, you have shown that your relationship was beyond friendship. It was really your timing that threw me."
Helen and I exchanged a quick glance. Where was Rachel taking this? Was she agreeing with us? I began to feel nervous as this wasn't what I expected.
"You aren't the first pair to want to make a public commitment, and in talking with the other staff it seems there are three ceremonies that have taken place. A fourth option became available last month."
Four? I suppose some might want to get married, so that and affirmation would be two. I couldn't think what the third or fourth would be.
"Four?" blurted out Helen, echoing my confusion. "We've seen two affirmations, and I presume some in older years have got married. What's the other two?
"The school also has a service of commitment, which some call 'togetherness'. It isn't any more or less important than affirmation or wedding. The aim of each ceremony is different. Let's start with wedding. This is a legal contract between two people who are legally of the opposite gender, according to their birth certificates. The service can be a religious or civil ceremony, depending on the couple's faith. A wedding can happen from the age of sixteen with consent of your legal guardians, or from the age of eighteen without."
"Are our parents still our legal guardians?" I enquired, wondering if the school had taken over that as well.
"Of course, though we do have special permission from them to give you medical treatment if needed. You would need your parent's permission for a wedding before you were eighteen."
Surely if we had to ask a parent's permission, they would want to come. "Has a wedding ever occurred here that required parental permission?" I asked.
"No," said Rachel simply. "Since the middle of last month there has been a new option; civil partnerships. These have the same legal binding as a marriage, but can only occur between couples of the same gender. Since this is so new, one hasn't occurred yet at this school. Finally, the last two options, affirmation and togetherness, are school ceremonies which don't have any legal commitments and can occur between those of any gender.
"Togetherness is the simplest public commitment to each other. It is a beautiful ceremony where those involved commit to be there for each other, at school or beyond. What they commit to differs between each ceremony and is what they are comfortable with. They are more likely to be companions, rather than in what might be a step off from being a sexual relationship.
"Affirmation is similar to togetherness, apart from the level of public commitment, which is much higher. Not only are they saying they will be there for each other, but want to be part of each other's lives. This is more likely to be out of a desire for lifelong love, rather than companionship. Remember, until last month, same-sex couples had no option for a legal union and affirmation was their only way to announce to everyone that status.
"Are you saying that most same gender couples go through togetherness or affirmation and that couples of the opposite gender get married?" Helen asked.
"Not at all, although some that go through affirmation, do later get married. In fact, there have been a few couples that went from togetherness, via affirmation, and then got married."
"Are you asking us to settle for togetherness?" I asked, feeling a bit put out. The way Rachel had phrased that last bit seemed to be pushing us that way.
Rachel put up her hands in surrender. "Not at all. I was just trying to point out what others had done in the past." She went to her desk and came back with two binders and two booklets. "The two booklets are the official services for wedding and civil union. The two binders contain the service for togetherness and affirmation. They have copies of the structure of the service and what previous students have opted to say. Why don't you start with togetherness?"
Rachel offered them to us and we took the togetherness binder. What surprised me was that these were not thought up by the school staff, but by students themselves. Helen queried it, not believing what she was reading.
"There were some very surprised members of staff when the idea was broached, but they articulated their reasoning very well. The services have changed slightly as the school has matured and pupils have had different ideas."
We continued to read the togetherness material and eventually moved on to affirmation. What really surprised me was the variety of commitments and words used. The tenderness of what some had said brought tears to my eyes. These weren't idle thoughts or actions.
"Okay, now you have the basic understanding of the ceremonies, can I ask you some questions to help me understand how you two feel? Again, I'm just trying to make sure you have as much knowledge as you can. Actually, I think I had too many cups of tea at breakfast, so let's have a have a few minutes break."
We nodded.
As Rachel was opening her door, she asked, "I don't know how much sleep you got last night, but please don't fall asleep on me!"
Would she ever let us forget that? We fall asleep once on her, and we are reminded about it forever.
"So?" I asked Helen, as Rachel closed the door behind her.
Helen let out a breath. "It's certainly a lot more varied than we thought."
"What we'd discussed still seems to be more geared towards affirmation. Our relationship is more than friendship or companionship."
"We have to work out what we want to say though. Some people seemed to go a lot further than I'd thought about."
"I don't think I'm ready to say some of the things some said."
Rachel came back and settled in her seat. "Sorry about that. Are you ready to continue?"
We nodded, wondering what Rachel had next for us.
"Relax, I'm not going to shout at you or anything like that," said Rachel, when she saw how nervous we were. "Why don't we start with some simple stuff? When you joined the school you mentioned that you were close about two years ago, but Jayne stopped because others were causing difficulties. Did either of you go out with anybody before or after that?"
Both of us shook our heads. Was this a bad thing?
"Don't worry. Like the school entrance tests, there aren't any right or wrong answers. If you are both truthful then there will be no misconceptions."
"Since coming to the school, have there been any issues in your relationship?"
"Such as?"
"Arguments, sleeping in a different room, things like that."
"Not really."
"We have had minor disagreements, but we've talked about things and got them sorted," I added. "The only times we've slept apart is the two nights punishment and that one night in Russia."
"If you don't mind, we'll come back to Russia in a minute. I want to talk with you both a bit more about your relationship. Pairing of students does lead to a certain level of closeness between them. We don't pair them up as part of a matchmaking process, but because they are able to help each other and be comforting to each other through stressful times. Jayne, you are close to Jill, but would you have been there for her like you were for Helen?"
I opened my mouth for a quick response, but for some reason stopped and thought more about it. I'm sure Rachel didn't pick that name by accident. "I don't know. We're good friends, but she doesn't set my heart racing. A close person doesn't have to be a lover. We have helped each other at times, but it isn't the same."
Rachel gave a small smile. "You do pay attention to others, don't you?"
"Huh?"
Rachel frowned. "Huh? You can do better than that."
"Sorry, I was just surprised by your statement. What do you mean?"
"I was thinking of your joint sessions with Stacy. She doesn't rush into answers, even when baited, and you seem to have picked that up. Now Helen, remember when Jill had that breakdown soon after you started here. You sat on the settee and held Jill through her bad times, until Anna arrived. Why?"
"Because she needed it," responded Helen, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Then when she realised that Rachel wanted more, she continued, "Jill was very upset over her mum's death and no, I didn't and don't feel like having a relationship with Jill."
"So, both of you have helped others, but you don't appear to have taken it further. Then why do you want to go through affirmation now? Why not wait until you are older and get married?"
"Because we love each other," said Helen.
"You can be in love without going through affirmation," responded Rachel.
I spotted Helen start to get a bit upset and turned to her, "Don't rise to it." We had our hands joined. My left hand holding her left, and my right arm was around her waist and holding her right hand.
After a moment's thought, I tried to respond. "You could say that about marriage, but thousands marry each year. It is showing a commitment to each other and making a formal statement of that commitment. We could wait until we could get married, but that is a commitment to just us. Affirmation seems to be more about a commitment at a much deeper level. A marriage would show a commitment between David and Helen. However, there is more to us than just that."
"So if you aren't just David, then what are you?"
"Well, at the moment I don't often get called David, but that's beside the point. We are showing a commitment to each other, no matter how we present, but also a commitment to the school by going through its ritual. Legally we are male and female, but not all couples are. By having a ceremony that works for everyone, it seems more-." I paused unable to think of the word. Rachel and Helen could see I was thinking, so didn't interrupt. "More just, more equal I guess, more in keeping with the school aims." I found it hard to find the right words, and hoped that Rachel understood.
Rachel didn't respond for a moment and I wondered if she was thinking about what I'd said, or she was seeing if I was going to say any more. Eventually she continued, "We seem to have got a bit off track. We were talking about relationships. So far we have found that you have only been in a relationship together and that you know that friendship doesn't have to turn to love. One final question in this area. Have either of you looked at someone else and found them attractive and wondered if there could be more?"
She can't know. I mean, nothing happened! I decided that breathing again wouldn't be a bad idea. I glanced across at Helen who didn't look too happy either.
"Yes," I uttered quietly. This was so embarrassing. Would this stop our affirmation?
"Me too," reluctantly added Helen.
"Since you don't seem upset with each other, am I to presume you'd already discussed this?" We both nodded. "Would you two just relax? I'm not here to judge. Now, so I don't jump to any conclusions, would you both tell me who."
"Andy," uttered Helen.
"Stacy." I felt mortified.
"Did this start that night in Moscow?" We again nodded. Rachel didn't seem angry or upset; she just gave a small nod and continued. "People involved in stressful or catastrophic situations sometimes experience similar bonding. What is important is to recognise it as a reaction. What happened in Russia was awful for you all, and you needed to know you weren't alone. As you've shown, by talking about it, you are still together. If you do go on to take the type of career in which you both have shown an interest, then there will be times when you will be apart. There might even be times where you can't communicate for long periods of times. This will put strains on a relationship which some can't survive."
"Are you trying to scare us?" asked Helen.
"No. I'm just exploring some of the challenges people in that line of work have. These challenges might not develop into something worse if they are expected or anticipated. Let me balance that with something a bit nicer. So far, none of the students who've married have even split up, let alone divorced. Compare that to the divorce rate in England and Wales of about fourteen percent.
"One final thing I'd like you to think about; if you do decide to continue being Beta's you both might be very busy over the next few months learning things for when Stacy and Andy leave. This will mean that you, Helen, will be alone a lot with Andy, and you, Jayne, with Stacy. In light of recent events, I'm not sure if this is wise, but sometimes that's the way the cookie crumbles. You need to be aware this could put a strain on your relationship."
"Take a deep breath," I hissed at Helen, who looked like she was going to respond furiously. I wasn't happy myself, and wanted to shout out that we would be fine and for her not to interfere. Telling Helen not to respond stopped me doing so myself, and I regained control. Remember how Stacy would do it.
"What?" she snapped.
"Don't let Rachel bait you," I said in a normal tone. "She is NOT going anywhere, so there is no need to rush a response. Don't let your anger and frustration with her do the talking."
"Okay, you respond then," she huffed.
I took a deep breath and tried to think.
"Rachel, isn't it better to go through any potential strains with a firm base? As we have already mentioned, we have discussed what happened in Russia with each other and our 'crushes'. We are also both aware that we are far too young and we wouldn't want to do anything to hurt our relationship, or theirs." I paused, trying to work out how to continue. "You taught us, when we both went through male-lessons, that we needed to tell each other what was happening and how we felt. We believe that going through something like affirmation will further strengthens our relationship. For us, it draws a line in the sand and makes a public statement that we are us."
"I like that 'we are us' line," said Helen, twisting to give me a kiss. "You were right though, I was going to overreact."
"So, have you told Andy and Stacy about your 'crushes'?"
"No," said Helen after a pause. "Since nothing is ever going to happen, how is it relevant? I mean, wouldn't it just make things harder if we did have to spend more time with them?"
"There isn't a right or wrong answer. You and Jayne are open with each other. You'll likely be in a stressful learning situation with Andy and Stacy, and it might be best to keep things as truthful as possible. You wouldn't want a surprise like your crushes to come out in the middle of something like what happened in Russia."
There was silence and I wondered if Rachel had finished. "Can we have a toilet break?"
"Sure. Now seems a good a time as any."
When we got to the toilets, all the other stalls were empty, so we were able to have a private chat as we took care of business. "Togetherness, affirmation or wait a few years for a legal wedding?" Helen asked.
"Affirmation," I responded without hesitation. "Togetherness might be okay for some, but it doesn't seem to match our relationship. However, I don't want to go overboard with the commitments, some might sound good, but set too much in stone. I would hate for our relationship to wilt-"
"Because we didn't leave it room to grow?" finished Helen.
"Yeah, that's about it. Shall we go and see where Rachel takes us next."
"What do we do about our silly crushes?" Helen asked, as we washed our hands.
"I don't think they're silly, they just happened. Let's see if we do end up spending more time with them, and if so, then I'll have a chat with Stacy and mention you and Andy"
"Oh, thank you." She sounded relieved at not having to tell Andy herself.
When we got back, Rachel was patiently waiting for us. "Now we've had a bit of a chat and discussed what the school has to offer, would you like to still go through a ceremony, and if so, which one?"
"Affirmation," we responded together.
Rachel gave a little smile. "Have you thought about where you want your affirmation to be held? It must be in the school grounds, but not in the chapel."
A big grin spread across my face and Helen seemed to glow. Was Rachel agreeing that we could?
"Do you mean we can?" I asked, hoping I wasn't jumping the gun.
"I'm only here to offer advice, not to stop you. Affirmation is a student thing, created by students. Only Stacy, as head student, could stop you. There were a lot of worries because of your age, which is why we have had a much longer chat than normal. So, getting back to my question, do you know where you want it to take place?"
"In the school grounds, but not the chapel," mussed Helen, repeating the basic rules to herself. "Does that mean we could hold it while everyone skinny dipped in the pool?" I think her excitement had got to the better of her.
"We haven't had one like that yet, and it might be very hard on those transitioning," responded Rachel, seriously.
"I was only kidding. I don't think I'm overly keen with showing my body to everyone. We did think about having it in the Parlour Room. It is very ornate in there and seems to be underused."
"There hasn't been an affirmation held in there for a few years, so it will be a nice change," said Rachel. "Who is the affirmation going to be between? Jayne and Helen? David and Helen? David and Christopher? Or perhaps Jayne and Christopher?"
"All," I replied, glad we'd discussed this and were prepared for Rachel's questions. "However, we did want to be dressed as Helen and David. We're aware that Helen won't be able to cope at the moment, but we didn't think it would happen so quickly."
"It can happen as quickly as a week, or take as long as you want. I'm glad you've recognised that Helen isn't ready for David to be around for the length of time affirmation takes. At the moment, even going through the Search of Finding would have been too much for either of you."
"Even me?" I asked, surprised. "I thought I was making good progress."
"You're both making excellent progress. Physical injuries can heal quite quickly, but the mental ones can sometimes take longer. People often rush things, thinking that all is well, and then have a sudden breakdown later. So far both of you have been very sensible and are taking things slowly. I hope you continue to do so. You've not been back a week yet. It might turn out that you are both very resilient and soon get over whatever issues you may have, or it might need more time."
"So, have you asked anybody to assist you for your special day?"
"We had some ideas," said Helen who then hesitated. "We've not asked them because we weren't sure if it was possible."
"Well as I said, affirmation is-." Rachel tailed off as Helen was shaking her head.
"No, we didn't know if it was possible to have the people we wanted."
"Who?"
"Jessica and Sam."
A look of relief passed over Rachel's face. I've no idea who she was worried about us wanting. I mean, I know it would be nice to have our parents there, but we both knew that wasn't possible and there was no way we would have asked.
The look of relief was replaced by a look of understanding. "You're wondering if you could still have Jessica and Sam because they will be at Immigration Manor?"
"Yes."
"I bet nobody thought of this as a consequence of introducing the schools to each other. Can I ask which roles you planned for them?"
"You can ask," I responded, and got my hand playfully tapped by Helen. "Okay, we wanted Jessica to be Helen's chief bridesmaid and Sam to be either a flower girl or a pageboy, depended on what duty Sam wanted."
"That's nice of you, but have you thought about whether Sam is ready to present like that in front of the whole school. I know how Sam came to breakfast this morning, but asking to be part of an affirmation ceremony is going to be so much more. After all, this morning was the first time that Sam has been Sam in front of so many."
"I hadn't thought of that," I confessed.
"Nor me," Helen admitted. We had a quick whisper and came up with a solution. "If it is okay for Sam and Jessica to attend, then we would be happy for Sam to take any role Sam wants."
"Let me speak with Mr Hobson and Mr Moore before you ask them. Is that the only two from outside this school?"
"Yes, though we've not asked anybody else yet either."
"Would you like Mr Hobson to make the announcement today, while Immigration Manor is still here, or would you like it to wait?"
"If Sam and Jessica can take part, then it would be nice if it could be today. Otherwise, let it wait until next week."
Rachel nodded. "Let me make a call." She pulled out her PDA and arranged to see the two headmasters. "While I see them, why don't you make a few calls to the others you want? That way when I get back, you will have everything bar the date sorted."
With Rachel gone, Helen and I had our PDA's out. I was to sort out the Best Man and Helen the other bridesmaids. The ushers could wait. Helen got on with the job, but every time I picked up the PDA to ring, I couldn't bring myself to dial. I really did want them to stand there with me, but would it be fair on them?
"Go and do it face to face," said Helen.
"Hi, it's Jayne. Do you have a minute for a private chat?" I asked nervously, after eventually dialling the number.
"It's too cold to meet outside, why don't you come to my room. Is this to do with your affirmation?"
"Yeah. Actually Rachel has gone to discuss something for a few minutes. Why don't you come here?"
"I'll see you in a minute then."
"So?" asked Helen as I removed the PDA from my ear.
"She's coming here." I paused trying again to decide if I was making a big mistake. "Do you think I'm wrong asking her?"
"If she says no, then don't pressure her." I nodded, and went back to my internal thoughts.
"Do you want me to ask?" asked Helen, as I heard the familiar knock.
It was so tempting, but for some reason as I went to answer the door, I said "No, this is something I should do."
My knock recognition hadn't failed me. Stacy came in and sat between us. "So, what can I tell you about the affirmation that Rachel hasn't already told you?"
"Two things. One, Rachel said that you were the only one that could veto us going through with this. Do you plan to?"
"Only if there is an objection raised by Rachel on medical grounds. I'm not going to let you go through with it if it would harm you."
"We've already discussed that with Rachel, but I'm sure you will still be here before she gets back so you can ask her then."
"And the second?" asked Stacy.
I took a deep breath, swallowed and opened my mouth, but the request didn't come out.
"I'm not going to bite," reassured Stacy.
"Would you be my Best Man," I blurted out, looking at my knees. I couldn't bring myself to look at her or Helen.
"As Marcus?" responded Stacy, her voice steady and even like normal.
"If you don't mind. I mean, if you can't then-." I was interrupted by Stacy gently taking my jaw and pointing my face towards hers.
"I'd be honoured to." She leaned forward and gave me a quick kiss on my cheek. She then let go of me and gave Helen a kiss on her cheek. "Thank you too, Helen. Until Ingrid and Fran's affirmation, I'd never been a bridesmaid. I've never been a Best Man before, and now you have asked. Thank you both."
"I was so worried you might be upset," I said, a huge weight off my shoulders. "If it is too much though, I would be happy for you to be my best women."
"That has happened a few times here, and it is perfectly acceptable. However, I really would like to do this as Marcus. It isn't many who can say they've been a bridesmaid and a Best Man in under a year. So, who else have you asked?"
"Well, we want to ask Jessica and Sam, but by the time we hold the ceremony they will be in America. Rachel is discussing it now with the two heads."
Rachel, with impeccable timing, came through the door and came to a halt when she saw Stacy in between us. "I'm sure there were only two of you when I left."
"They've invited me to be part of their affirmation," announced Stacy.
"So, this will be your second time?" asked Rachel, taking her seat.
"Not quite. I'm going to be David's Best Man."
Rachel's eyebrows shot up with that one. "Mr Hobson and Mr Moore were surprised by your request to include Jessica and Sam. I think we were all glad you didn't ask while they were eating. If Sam and Jessica accept, then the schools will arrange for them to come back for this. I think they're just glad you didn't invite more from that school or the S.P.A. administrators would have been having kittens. Why don't you see if they can join us here and you can ask them?"
Not wanting to look a gift-horse in the mouth, I dialled Jessica's number and asked if she and Sam could join us in Rachel's office. I didn't explain why, which on second thoughts was a bit inconsiderate. When they arrived they were both looking very nervous.
"This is getting a tight squeeze," said Rachel, as the two arrivals sat on the second settee. "Hopefully this shouldn't take too long."
"Are we in trouble?" asked Sam.
"No," Helen responded quickly. "Jessica, we wondered if you would like to be chief bridesmaid and Sam, either a flower girl or pageboy at our affirmation ceremony?"
"But we'll be in America," pouted Jessica.
"If you accept," explained Rachel, "Mr Moore will make sure you are here for the events. Once affirmation has happened you will be able to go back to Immigration Manor."
"Oh please," nearly begged Jessica.
"Sam?" I prompted.
"I'd love to be a pageboy," smiled Sam, genuinely happy. "Not only are you so accepting of me, you also give me a choice when a gender is needed.
"Jessica, you have a bigger job than you think," warned Helen. "As chief bridesmaid you have to keep all the other bridesmaids in check."
"I know." Something must have triggered in Jessica's mind as she quickly asked, "Who are the others?"
"Wendy and Yvonne."
"You're kidding," said Sam.
"I'll do it," affirmed Jessica, a gleam in her eye. "Wendy has never been a bridesmaid, and it will be nice for both of us. Yvonne will help keep Wendy in check if needed, but after seeing her parents last month she's been a lot better with me."
"Excellent, so that's all sorted," said Rachel. "I'd like you all to keep quiet about this until after the announcement, which should be at lunch. Does anybody have any questions?"
None of us did. However, Stacy wanted a quick word with Jessica, who caught up with us just before we got back to our common-room. Ahead we saw Brian was walking slowly back, accompanied by Lewis. Brian was looking a bit shaken and Lewis was supporting him. Sam rushed and opened the door to let them in without them letting go of each other.
"Brian was given his surgery date," explained Lewis, as the others gasped in surprise at the sight of their upset friend. His eyes were all red and it looked like he'd been ill at least once. Brian was quickly pulled into the bosom of his school friends.
"The surgeon was there and explained in detail what was going to be done. It was just a bit much," almost apologised Brian, regaining some of his composure. "They suggested if I was okay, then they would do it here on Monday morning."
"Why here and not a big hospital?" asked Anna.
"The school has a very good operating theatre here," I responded, remembering being there when Stacy had her operation. "Also, I'm sure the surgeon who will be doing it will be the best."
For the first time since Brian got back to our common-room, the edges of his mouth rose slightly and a small smile formed. "So Becky and Dr Sue said."
This and the discussion about what we wanted to do this afternoon filled up the rest of the morning and thankfully it stopped any straying into discussing why Rachel saw four of us.
At lunch, Mr Hobson stood, and waited for the room to settle. Lunchtime announcements were rare. "Okay, I have an announcement." I glanced across at year-five and saw Marcus there instead of Stacy. "I have the pleasure of announcing a proposed affirmation between David and Helen. If any of you know any reason why this should not happen then you have a week to let me know. Are there any open objections now?"
This request was met only by silence. I wanted to look around, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I reached across and took Helen's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. She returned the affection and looked at me. Her face reflected the worry I felt. I don't know why we were worried, as there wasn't any reason for us not to be together.
After what seemed an eternity, Mr Hobson continued, "Excellent, then if the top year from both schools can do the honours."
"Is this why you had a big grin the other day?" Jill asked, as we waiting for the drinks to be distributed.
I nodded. "Sorry, but we didn't want to say anything until we got confirmation that it could happen. It seems we have caused a few people a lot of headaches because we're only in year-one."
"I think Julia would have a fit if we'd decided to go ahead this soon."
"You've talked about it?" I asked slightly amazed. I shouldn't have been though, as they'd known each other even longer than I'd known Helen.
"A few times, but we have a lot to find out about life before we make such a commitment. We probably will go through affirmation at some stage."
I wonder if the others didn't know about all the options such as togetherness. Perhaps I should mention this to them later.
Kriss arrived at our table with a tray full of empty flute glasses which she put in front of us. "You two are such dark horses."
"Oh that's nothing," I teased. "Wait until you hear some of the wedding party."
Kriss had got behind and rushed to empty her tray. Marcus and Andy appeared to offer us Champagne or sparkling water.
Once the room was ready, Mr Hobson continued. "Okay, we seem to be ready. I won't give out the complete wedding party as not all names have been decided. However, we have Marcus Haynes as Best Man and Jessica Barnes as Chief Bridesmaid. Since the Best Man normally gets to make a speech on the day, I will ask Jessica to give the toast."
Jessica took a deep breath, as all the eyes in the room focused on her. She rose and tried to smile through her terror. "I'm so glad I was warned about this." This got a splatter of laughter, which seemed to help her. "It's such a privilege to be asked to be chief bridesmaid. I can honestly say this is a dream that only a year ago I never thought would come true. I also wish to thank the heads in making it possible, even though I will be part of the school exchange. I hope Helen and Jayne's affirmation goes as smoothly as the last few we've had here. Please stand, and let's raise our glasses." Jessica raised her glass. "To Helen and Jayne."
"To Helen and Jayne," everybody responded and took a drink before sitting down. Thank goodness this hadn't happened in a country where they smashed their glasses after a toast. These glasses didn't look cheap.
"That was great," I praised Jessica as she sat down.
"I've never been so scared," she responded. "I thought my legs were going to give way."
"So when's the date?" Anna asked.
"We'll tell you all about it after lunch. If we keep talking, then we will be eating a cold meal again and there is nothing worse than a cold pasta bake." I didn't want to mention that no date had been set, as we were waiting so that Helen could cope with me.
Anna gave a nod and we all tucked into our meal. The conversation drifted onto the similar ceremonies they held in America and how they wished they'd be able to see ours.
Today was one of the days I would remember forever. It was the day our affirmation was announced and that would be so important in our lives. It would also be the last full day with our friends from Immigration Manor, at least during this visit. Tomorrow wasn't a day any of us were looking forward to, but today was a day for happiness and celebration.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 52
Time has come to start looking at why David/Jayne is getting sick.
Friday 6th January 2006
Immigration Manor had only been visiting for a month, but it seemed a lot longer. In that time so much had happened and we all knew that we'd made some firm friendships. However, as Mr Hobson had reminded us at breakfast, most good things must come to an end. In some respects I didn't see this as an end, but just a change. Sure, they wouldn't be at the same school, but we knew who they were now and they wouldn't get away from us that easily! Jessica and Sam would be back soon for our affirmation, and I wouldn't be surprised if we did another joint trip within the next four years.
There were quite a few tears as we all gathered in the entrance hall. Everything seemed so bare with all the Christmas decorations removed. We'd all said our year goodbyes, but now there was time to say 'so long' to friends in other years. My first target was Matilda. I don't really know why as we'd only just seen each other late yesterday afternoon while discussing the configurations for the new cross-site video conferencing facility with Julia and RJ. Initially this would be for calls between the year common rooms, but eventually the PC's in our bedrooms would be included.
"Have a safe trip," I wished, giving her and Nellie a huge hug. I then did the same to Mary Beth and Samantha, who seemed a bit surprised. "You'll be glad to know that June isn't driving the coach."
"Thank goodness." It sounded like her biggest prayer had just been answered.
"Hey, I thought you said that because you were small that you'd done really well at the potholing."
"Oh sure, I did okay at it and it was fun, but looking back, I haven't been so scared since coming to this school."
That was so qualified that I began to wonder what other things had happened before she joined the school. I knew of her father's abuse, but it sounded like there was a lot more than that.
There were many more goodbyes. The hardest were with the Manor beta team. We'd done a lot of activities together before Russia and the bonding brought by a shared experience like that had brought us closer in ways that hadn't happened with the others.
I was back with the rest of year-one to watch them eventually board the coaches. I don't think Mr Moore thought he would ever get them moving. It wasn't as hard to see Jessica and Sam go as I'd thought, possibly because I knew they would be back for our affirmation. I think the whole of Immigration Manor wanted to say bye to Martha and Erika.
As the coaches disappeared there was a silence. I didn't hear any crying, but it felt as if fifty hearts had broken. Nobody moved and just kept watching the drive in some vain hope that they would return.
"Lessons will start after lunch," Mr Hobson called, breaking our trance. "In the meantime, please put any excess furniture for your year's common room into the entrance hall where they will be stored for future use. Year leaders, I'll see you all in my office in thirty minutes."
That got us all going again. Sorting out the furniture seemed so final. They were gone and there wasn't even a day or two of mourning. In some ways it seemed a bit harsh, and there were a few tears as we moved out what had been the favourite settees for some of the Manor students. We did keep Jessica's and Sam's normal settee, knowing they would be back. At the end though, we did have a lot more space. I'd forgotten how cramped it had seemed when they'd first arrived.
Helen and I were a bit sweaty when we went to the meeting. I know women don't refer to it as sweat, but that is exactly what it was. All that moving of furniture had left us in need of a shower. Perhaps in hindsight we should have cleaned up before this meeting, but hindsight is a wonderful thing.
"It's at times like this that I wish my office had windows," joked Mr Hobson. It looked like he had been busy moving things, as he wasn't as pristine as normal. Nor were any of the other students.
"We could come back in fifteen minutes," Stacy offered.
"I think with us all crowding in like this, that we would soon be back to the original situation, so let's press on. First off, I want to thank you all for your hard work over the last month. Having Immigration Manor here was fun, but I know it put a strain on everyone. Hopefully the next few months will be a bit easier, but there are a few things that I thought I would share with you.
"Firstly, we have just been notified that Ofsted* plans to do an inspection sometime between now and Easter. We don't know when that will be yet. They can do it with a few days notice, or they can do it as a surprise and just turn up. It used to be easier as inspections were four or five day and always started on a Monday. Now they only do a two day inspection, so might arrive at any day. We will have a bit of notice, as they will have to stop at the gate.
"I hope it doesn't happen during our affirmation," fretted Helen.
"That would make an interesting report. Secondly, we are at the early planning to play a few pieces at a school. We haven't done a school demonstration for a few years, so it'll be something new for years one and two. Finally, the no contact rule."
The room had been quite jovial and just the mention of that rule caused a change in atmosphere. There was a bit of tension in the air as we all wondered if something had gone wrong.
"Over the last few years there has been an increase in acceptance of the transgendered. So a few months ago we started an experiment to see if a pupil who'd left Hayfield a while ago could visit parents without causing issues to the school. We chose a pupil who'd left five years ago. He'd been writing occasionally, and was on good terms with his parents. His parents were initially very surprised to find they'd now got a son instead of a daughter, but so far things have gone well. So far there hasn't been any association between the transition and school and there is no danger to anybody here. Since this does potentially have huge ramification for everyone, we will be taking things slowly, so don't expect a sudden change in policy."
As Mr Hobson made this last announcement a change came over the six year representatives. There was a mixture of relief that something was happening on a policy that nobody liked, but there was also worry about what might happen if things went wrong.
Tim was the first to ask the question most of us were thinking. "Will there be trials where the gap between leaving and contact is shorter?"
"Probably. Let's see how this first one does for a bit longer and we will then start to introduce some others to see if the results are similar. We then can start to see what issues we have in common which will help refine this strategy. Any other questions?"
There weren't any.
"I'll be making an announcement on all but the contact rule tomorrow at breakfast. So if you think of any questions between then and now; please come and see me."
"Why not the no-contact rule?" asked Ingrid.
"It's too early yet. You've all demonstrated your maturity and ability to handle responsibility. I wanted you all to know about the experiment, just in case. I'd hate to give hope to the whole school and then have to take it away if things didn't go too well with the trial. If things continue to go well, then you can be sure it will be announced to everyone."
Oh great! We just managed to tell the whole year the truth about me being in the Beta team, and now I have a new secret.
The day went well with us all settling back into the routine of lessons and then it was the weekend. Why we started lessons on a Friday afternoon was beyond me. It would have been nicer to have the Friday afternoon off and start again on the Monday. On the other hand, if we'd had the Friday afternoon off, then I might have been having my chat with Rachel earlier. I wasn't looking forward to it and was glad it was on Saturday and not today.
Mrs Russell brought the afternoon's practice to order. "Welcome back to orchestra practice. You've had a week without seeing me, so I hope you haven't forgotten how to play. For our final trip of this school year we will be playing the Beethoven and Shubert symphonies that we originally practiced oh so long ago. However, you will now have Lewis conducting you, so please pay attention to his interpretation."
I don't think any of us hadn't practiced; making music was too much part of our essence. One of the good things with the American's gone is the practice rooms weren't as pre-booked as they had been. It was nice to practice in a room meant for that, instead of having to resort to my bedroom.
Lewis did have his own style, which was a little like Roberta's, and had obviously been practicing. He was still slightly wooden at times, but the orchestra supported him. I think he'd had a lot of chats with Roberta from the Manor, as he had certainly improved from his first concert in France. I think we'd all improved which I suppose isn't a surprise when you are playing with such talented people. All the hours of practice, wouldn't have hurt, either.
At breakfast, the next day, Lewis had a small smile on his face as Mr Hobson announced that we were going to do a small demonstration concert at a school. I wasn't the only one who noticed and after the announcements were finished we all pounced.
It didn't faze him and I think he was expecting it. "Hey, you lot sometimes have secrets. This one was mine. I had to know beforehand to practice."
"So what are we going to play?" asked Martha.
"You get to play your violin." When she gave a threatening look, Lewis continued. "You'll have to wait until Sunday to find out. Oh, that reminds me, Jill, after we've finished breakfast, there should be a gift waiting for you outside our common-room door."
Jill's eyes sparkled at the thought of a gift. "Really? What?"
Lewis just laughed and shook his head. It was obvious that he was enjoying teasing us. Jill seemed very eager to eat her breakfast and had to be reminded a few times that if she didn't slow down that she would get indigestion. She did finish first and then gave us all looks to hurry us along.
When we eventually finished, there, waiting outside our common-room door was an instrument case with a huge red bow around it. It had attracted the attention of some of the other years, who found it a rather odd occurrence and something they wanted to watch. So by the time Jill got to pick it up, there was quite a crowd watching.
Jill struggled with the bow, but eventually opened the case. "You all know how to embarrass someone, don't you?"
"So what is it?" Yvonne called out.
"Seems someone thought I needed another instrument. I've been given a Cor Anglais, which is a bigger version of the oboe. It has a deeper and much richer tone."
She quickly assembled it and showed it to all of us. At first glance it looked a bit like her standard oboe, but it had a crooked mouth area, it was longer, with a bell end.
"Are you going to play it for us too?"
"Probably tomorrow," she blushed. A lot of us had never actually seen a Cor Anglais, so we were all interested in getting a closer look. Jill was a good sport and was happy to show it off.
Unfortunately I didn't have time to hang around as I had a scheduled "chat" with Rachel. What a thing to do on a Saturday morning! This chat was slightly different from my normal ones as this was alone. My chats with Rachel were normally with Helen and those with Edith, about Russia, were with Stacy. Today, it was going to be a few hours with just Rachel.
I'm glad that neither Helen nor Stacy are going to be with me. I have this feeling that we will be covering issues I really don't want to talk about; embarrassing things. No matter how many times Rachel, and others, remind me, I have trouble convincing myself that the shrinks aren't judgemental. There are things I don't like talking about. I have to live with what I find. I wonder if I'll have the guts to tell Helen?
"Come on in and take a seat on the settee." Rachel's greeting was way too cheerful. Her brightly coloured top shouldn't have been allowed when someone was about to face an inquisition. Perhaps she'll put on a black cap once she is through with me. Lord have mercy upon my soul. Rachel was still messing with something at her desk and called across the room, "The announcement about your affirmation went well."
Small talk wasn't exactly what I was expecting and certainly not what I'd hoped for. Perhaps if I kept up the small talk we wouldn't have time for the proper discussion? No sooner had that thought entered my head I was dismissing it as laughable. If the discussion didn't happen, Rachel would only bring me back another time. In some ways I was surprised that I'd lasted this long without Rachel asking for this chat, as it had originally come up months ago when we broke one of the schools few rules.
Normally the coffee table by the settees had several boxes of tissues. Today the tissues were joined by other things, but none of it was making me feel enthused. There was a plate of ginger biscuits, a jug of flat cola, and several other things which I had no idea what they were. My heart sank as she came across carrying a stack of sick bowls that she'd probably acquired from one the nurses.
"You're not filling me with confidence."
At least she had the temerity to give an apologetic smile. "It's better to be prepared."
"Dib-dib-dib." I made the old scout salute. Perhaps I was being unfair, but I didn't really want this talk to happen.
Rachel didn't bat an eyelid and just took her seat. "You're not going to get out of the chat that way."
This morning was definitely getting worse. Perhaps I should have pre-programmed my PDA to set off the fire alarm, but the way Rachel was acting, I probably would get into serious trouble after she'd talked to me about my sickness. If she knew how I felt, she didn't say anything.
I sighed and decided to change tack. May be if I got it over with quickly then it wouldn't feel too bad. "Sorry. I'm just not looking forward to this chat."
"If it's any conciliation, neither am I."
That did surprise me, and also fill me with dread. How bad could this chat be if even Rachel wasn't looking forward to it? In reflection, there was one thing that had held true; Rachel was a good person and only wanted to help me think through things or work past issues. She'd never done anything to hurt me.
"Sorry?" I couldn't help myself. I had to know why.
She gave a wry smile and shook her head slightly. "Probably not for the reason you aren't looking forward to it. I don't like seeing anyone suffer and I know you don't like these chats. However, we seem to have avoided discussing this as long as we can. Whatever is going on has already made you physically sick more than once, and come close on several other occasions. The other day, Stacy said something to you which caused the reaction. Am I right in assuming that you've come up with a theory?"
"Yes." I grabbed a biscuit and nibbled. It wasn't because I was feeling sick, but rather it gave me something to do while I worked out how to explain things. "It seems I get sick when I think there is a chance of having sex."
"I see." This didn't seem to faze her. After a small ponder she asked, "Why?"
"I've no idea. I thought that was what you'd tell me."
Rachel ignored that jibe. "So why weren't you sick in Moscow? You admitted Stacy caused you to be aroused."
I'd forgotten that Stacy and I had told her about not feeling sick then. I think being so sick soon after had made me just concentrate on that.
I protested, "I don't think about having sex with every girl I meet."
"Of course not. Now, since you know that the possibility of sex is making you sick how has this affected you?"
"I suppose I know more about what to look out for. Just knowing the signs can give me a bit of control."
I'd hoped that this would be the end of it. I knew what was causing me to be sick, so what more could be done? I would soon be back downstairs with Helen and I could relax. How could I have been so wrong?
"It's good that you know the cause and it is helping you, but vomiting isn't a standard reaction to thoughts on sex. Sure, some people have different reactions but being ill isn't a common one."
"Is there something wrong with me?" I sank back on the settee, feeling disheartened.
Rachel was quick to reassure. "No, you are you. It just seems an extreme reaction and I'd like to see if there is something we can do to help you."
"I thought you said the other day that there wasn't anything physically wrong with me?"
"There isn't. However there are times when our bodies react in unusual ways and it might be due to, what appears to be, at first look, totally unrelated factors. For instance, why do people have nightmares, or sleep walk? Often it is due to fears, anxiety, stress or other things which might be able to be sorted by finding the root cause."
"I was never ill like this before coming to the school."
"If I remember right, the first time you felt ill was after you'd slept in the same bed with Helen.
I nodded.
"Prior to coming here had you ever got aroused before?"
I reluctantly shook my head. "Are you saying I'm gay or something?"
"No, I'm just showing you that you might never have had this reaction before because you were never in a situation which caused it. Additionally, you are going through puberty, which can cause all sorts of new feelings and emotions."
"I've started puberty?"
"Haven't you noticed your penis has got larger, you have hair under your armpit, and have pubic hair?"
I blushed and nodded. I remember the first time I'd been Jayne properly and how Helen had made sure I shaved under my arms. How did Rachel talk about such things and keep a straight face. I just wanted the floor to open up and swallow me. This was embarrassing beyond belief.
"Didn't you do sex education in your previous school?"
"Yeah, but it was embarrassing and some of the lads kept disrupting the lesson by making silly comments. Mostly they just concentrated more on the pregnancy and birth stuff."
"Your parents never talked about it?"
I laughed at that one. "My parents would never talk about stuff like that". My embarrassment then reached new depths as Rachel spent the next hour making sure I knew the basics of male and female puberty.
"So how does this affect me being Jayne? Won't it be impossible when my voice breaks and I have to shave?"
"Does Andy have trouble being Brenda?"
"I suppose not."
"It won't be as easy as it is now, but it is possible."
"So you don't give medication to us to stop us going through puberty."
Rachel looked horrified. "No. The only people who get medication which affects puberty are pupils like Emma and Lewis who are certified transgendered. For instance, the medication that Emma is on stops her from having a male puberty and lets her go through a female one."
"Okay, so if puberty is normal, and I'm going through it, why am I getting sick when I think about having sex?"
Rachel shook her head. "If I knew that I would have told you, and we wouldn't have to find out. Each person reacts to situations differently. I once knew someone who would sneeze when they thought about sex in the abstract."
"Sneeze?"
"Sneeze. However, it never occurred when they were about to have sex or when in romantic situation. It didn't have a big impact on them, and was just one of those strange quirks."
"So why are you worrying about me now? I thought you would be happy that I can't have sex, since it is against the school rules."
"It is quite an effective barrier," agreed Rachel and my heart sank. Would she not help? "But it is having a larger impact. Stacy only had to implant the thought in your mind and you were spewing like Mount Vesuvius. There is one more thing that is generally true. Teenagers think about sex, and I don't want you erupting all over the school. It isn't good for you and also makes a mess everywhere."
At the reminder of what Stacy had said, I started to feel a bit queasy and grabbed the sick bowl. Closing my eyes and taking some deep breaths seemed to help a bit and the feeling soon faded.
"Don' worry, I'm not going to ask what Stacy said, but it must have been something."
"Stacy has a wild imagination and very descriptive vocabulary. Don't worry though, I might have a crush, but Helen means so much more."
"Have another ginger biscuit, it might help." I braced myself. If Rachel was offering me something to help control queasiness then there must be bad things coming. "How do you see your relationship with Helen in five years?"
In five years I would have been out of school for a year. This didn't seem to be a very hard question and not something to worry about sickness with. "Still with Helen. It would be too early for children or stuff like that. I'm not sure if we would go to university or go straight into employment."
"So you would like to have children? How many?"
"I've always dreamed of two; a boy and a girl."
"That's nice. Sit back and close your eyes. .... That's it. Now think back to the revue. Remember that dress Helen was wearing and the first time you saw her wearing it."
Rachel must be dense if she thinks I could forget such an occasion. I couldn't help but smile as I remembered the dress and how she looked in it. That dress was just elegant, but Helen just looked so beyond belief. I don't think she could look any better for our affirmation.
"How do you feel?"
"Fine. She looked stunning. Her dress was just one thing. But her hair and makeup just set it off perfectly. Not only did she put so much effort into the dancing, but she went all out to make sure she looked perfect too."
"What was your reaction when you saw her?"
"I wanted us to be in each other's arms. However as we got close, Andy, well Brenda really, warned me to behave. I lost my balance and slipped onto the floor. Brenda got a good laugh out of that one."
"I bet she did," replied Rachel quite dryly. "So, after the individual revues you went back to your room to get ready for the finale. What happened then?"
"I took a few pictures of Helen dressed the way she was. I wanted something to remember it by and to remind her how stunning she can look. After a bit of a kiss and cuddle we went to our individual rooms to change. Helen was having trouble unzipping her dress, so she asked for my help. As her dress slipped off, I noticed the special underwear she was wearing."
I broke off, realising how I felt. The memories of how I'd felt were too vivid. I took some deep breaths and tried to quell the rising bile. It seemed to work, but left a nasty burning sensation in my throat which I solved by a hasty drink of the flat cola.
Rachel didn't say anything, but just sat there. Did she expect me to continue? After a moment's pause, I concluded she did. I felt hurt that she wanted me to carry on. "I rushed to the toilet and thankfully was sick into the bowl, rather than on the floor. At my prompting, Helen went and got changed."
I frowned; something was nagging me. I went over the event again, but came up empty. Each time I thought about it, I seemed a bit less ill. I wonder if that was because I was expecting it? Having failed to find the issue, I thought about the concert and then on to when I went to see the nurse.
My mood quickly changed from being upset that she wanted me to relive such a traumatic event to one of fury. I jumped off the settee and stood there, my fists clenched. Rachel didn't move and just looked enquiringly at me. Looking at her just made me feel angrier so I turned and looked at the rain lash against the window. Eventually, I calmed down enough to speak.
"You knew." It came out rather bitterly rather than the raw anger I'd felt only a short time earlier.
"I knew what?" She sounded so innocent.
"What was causing me to be sick. When I left the school hospital after the revue you mentioned something about me being okay because Helen had changed her underwear. You knew then and you still made me go through this."
"I didn't know. I suspected there was something to do with sex, as this and the previous occurrences both had that element. However, I didn't know if it was just thought of sex, attempting to have sex, getting aroused or something else. Obviously that time, the thing that stood out as different was what Helen was wearing. I presumed you would have been sick earlier if it was to do with the outer costume, so I guessed it was her underwear."
I eventually started to calm down and retook my place on the settee. After a few sips of cola and a lot more deep breaths, I felt ready to continue. "So how do I get cured from this?"
"It depends on what the underlying cause is. People don't often get sick over the thought of having sex, so there must be something; we just have to find what it is. Our next sessions will investigate what could be underlying this reaction."
"Sessions?" My heart sank. I wanted to be cured, but I didn't like the way Rachel said 'sessions'. It sounded like I was going to be seeing Rachel every day.
"I don't have a magical wand to discover why you get ill. We have made big progress today in that we now know one of the triggers. But don't panic, I'm not going to recommend you come daily. Even weekly might be too frequent, as some of the questions could be ones you want to think about."
Having to think about things sounded even worse, but I don't think it could be worse than my nightmare of being sick over Helen.
Rachel continued, "One question which will give us something to think about. The other month when you and Helen broke the rules, you said you felt sick and Helen made you keep your underwear on. Did you feel sick as you continued your exploration of Helen?"
I laughed internally at the way Rachel was being polite in her description of what we'd got up to. Normally Rachel was a lot blunter and wouldn't have shied away from a rather clinical description using all the proper terms. I then turned my mind back to that night and blushed as I remembered that wonderful experience.
"No, I didn't feel sick."
Rachel must have caught a small smile that unconsciously appeared on my face. "Just because we are talking about what makes you feel sick, doesn't give you any rights to break the school rules."
"Yes, Miss."
Rachel consulted her PDA and smiled. "This is perfect timing. Helen will be setting off back in a minute, so why don't we continue this chat in two weeks? It should give us both time to ponder why the thought of playing pokey makes you ill, but other forms of intimacy, like you performing oral sex on Helen, doesn't."
"You what?"
"Oral sex is-"
I interrupted. "No. What's this about Helen coming back? She wasn't planning on going anywhere."
"She wasn't. This was a surprise thing for her and Andy. Edith took them to the shooting range. They weren't told before, so it didn't cause them, or their partners, any anxiety. You can meet Helen at the rear car park.
Not waiting to see if Rachel had anything else to say, I rushed out of the door. I hope that Helen hasn't reacted badly to this experience. I know she's recovering from the experience in Moscow, but is she ready for this?
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 53
Brian's surgery and a bithday wish.
Saturday 7th January 2006
I knew I shouldn't be running inside the building, but I didn't care. All I wanted to do was get to the car park. It was raining, but I pushed open the door and rushed outside only to find that the car hadn't arrived. The only person mad enough to be outside was Stacy, and she had been sensible enough to bring an umbrella.
"How did your session go?" Stacy enquired as we sheltered under her brolly.
"It could have been worse. At least Rachel didn't ask what you'd said to make me sick. I think she had some general ideas, but she did say she wasn't going to ask for specifics. She also said the other day that if I was going to be Beta-One next year then I would be working closely with you so there was some handover."
"That's the way it has been done in the past. This year will be a bit different though as next year's head student won't be the same as Beta-One. For me, the handover to Susan will be minor, but you two will have to come to a working relationship and decide where the boundaries are. The Beta-One handover will be a lot more work as the existing and proposed people normally cover the last field trip together, to make sure the knowledge is passed on."
The sound of a car approaching stopped our conversation and we both looked to see it arrive. I was rather surprised to see Edith get out of the front passenger seat and Andy stagger out of the rear. Helen had been driving?
"Never again," Andy moaned theatrically, as Helen got out of the driver's door.
I abandoned the shelter of Stacy's brolly and ran towards Helen. It didn't bother me that the rain started to get heavier.
"Are you okay?" I queried.
"Surprisingly, yes. I wasn't happy when we found out where we were going, but it seemed to have been okay."
"So, is that it? Are you cured?" Perhaps this was wishful thinking on my part. I took her into my arms, and hugged her. As we held each other, I felt all my worries disappear.
"Why don't we discuss this inside," suggested Edith. I realised how wet I was and we scampered inside, to get out of the rain.
Once we were all inside, Edith continued. "This has been an important step for both Helen and Andy, though I don't think we are at the end of the road just yet. Let's see how things progress before we declare anyone cured. I must admit that the four of you are very good patients. None of you have tried to rush your recovery, but on the other hand, also none of you have given up either."
As we walked back to our year room, I had the chance to ask Helen about her driving. "I didn't think you were allowed to do that yet?"
"I've only done it twice before and Edith though it might be nice for me since I'd done so well at the shooting. She also said that she'd asked that you and Stacy not tell us that you'd already had that treat the other day."
"Sorry." I hated keeping things from Helen.
She gave my hand a squeeze. "It's okay. I understand why."
"You look like a drowned rat," Paula exclaimed as I entered our year room. "Helen you're not much better!"
"I think we better sort ourselves out," Helen laughed. "I hadn't realised how wet we were."
"You two must have it bad if you miss each other for a few hours and get wet to greet each other."
I laughed at what Anna had said. "Yeah, I think I have it bad, though I was also very worried about Helen. She'd had a nice trip to the shooting range."
That grabbed everyone's attention. Well, I suppose being soaked to the skin had already done that.
"Since Helen isn't locked up, I presume she didn't go ballistic and shoot anybody?"
Martha certainly had a strange sense of humour, but it certainly broke the stillness. A small shiver from me was a stark reminder to go and change.
* * *
Sunday 8th January 2006
When we got to orchestra practice the first think I noticed was a small upright piano. This was strange, as any piano music would normally be at the front, and would be the grand. Then when the orchestra practice got under way there was a real eye opener. Lewis did the introduction and got Mrs Russell to hand out the new music. It was the reverse of what it had been only a few months ago.
I wasn't the only one who'd noticed as Kevin, my fellow French horn player, teased Mrs Russell as she handed him his music. "How do you like your new position?"
"It's great. This is the way the school orchestra should be. It's just taken a while to find someone!"
When all the music was handed out, Lewis called us all to order. "For those who like to get their music in order we will be practicing in this order; Harry Potter - Hedwig's Theme, William Tell Overture, and Liberty Bell March. Our next practice will cover Pirates of the Caribbean, Hall of the Mountain King, and Ride of the Valkyries. Some practices will be the Beethoven and Shubert so you don't forget how to play them my way."
That got him a chorus of 'Oooohs'.
"For all those not in the know, we have some different instruments for the Harry Potter. As some of you saw, Jill is going to use the Cor Anglais in this and I know she has been practicing. The other instrument I'd never come across before is the Celesta. This looks like an upright piano, but inside are bells, which is driven from the keyboard. Unfortunately I couldn't find a bow big enough to embarrass Dan, but we can rectify that as the beginning few bars are a solo."
"Oh, no pressure then," laughed Dan. "I wondered why I was asked to practice on this instrument the other day. Okay, I'm ready when you are."
"We'll do a straight run through so we all get a good feel for it, and then we'll go back and tidy up."
We didn't do a bad job as these were all very popular tunes. I would never have expected the orchestra to play such light orchestral music and even film music. However, since this was for a school, we had to tone down what we played to fit in with our audience.
The whole concert for a school sounded strange. The school gave concerts oversees, but in this country was very much hidden. From what Mr Hobson had said on Friday, it sounded like this had been done before, but to me it didn't make sense. I decided to talk to Helen about it that night.
"I'd not thought of that," mussed Helen as we snuggled up together that night. "I wonder if there is someone at the school that Hayfield is interested in."
"And they are trying to encourage them to take up an instrument."
"Or they were playing one, but they were giving up on it. You're seeing Stacy tomorrow when you have your chat with Edith, so why don't you ask her then?"
Sleep that night was disturbed as Helen woke up with a nightmare. This wasn't the first one since she'd proposed, but normally she would tell me about it, and settle back to sleep. However, tonight's seemed a bit more severe. I'd been worried she might have a nightmare after her trip to the shooting range, but last night she slept right through. So, I'd been secretly hoping that the nightmares might be over, but it seems I was so wrong.
"Do you want to tell me about it?"
"No." Helen was shaking in my arms and I just held her, hoping that this wasn't as bad as her previous nightmare.
"You're shaking."
"I know damn well what I'm doing," she snapped.
I was slightly surprised by that and relaxed my hold on her. I hadn't fully let go, but her attitude surprised me.
"Sorry," she repented.
I didn't say anything, but just waited. I didn't change my slack grip. She knew I was there, but hopefully knew I wanted more than that. She must have, as after a few minutes she did continue.
"You must hate me."
Huh? What was Helen talking about? "I don't think so."
"I've forced you to still be Jayne."
I sighed. "Helen, we've been through this before. I'm doing this until you're ready for me to go back. You are getting better. I've not seen you flinch around Andy for a bit. It's really nice to see you happy around him."
She turned round to see me and my heart beat picked up as I saw her face. She looked puzzled.
"You are?"
"Duh! I'm happy that you're happy. You have enough worry and upset at the moment that it's nice you can find something to make you happy during those sessions."
"But-"
"But nothing. I love you so much and with that comes trust."
"Nothing's ever happened."
"I know. Like I said, I trust you."
Helen smiled for the first time. It was a sort of week smile, as her eyes were still watery, and she kept sniffing. "Stop it. When you get like that, you sound thirty and not thirteen."
"By the way, Happy Birthday." I leaned over and gave her a kiss.
"I'm going to be so tired in the morning," she complained.
"Then let's go to sleep."
Morning came and we didn't feel nearly as sleepy as we'd expected. Surprisingly, we were awake before our PDA's tried to rudely interrupt our sleep. The issues that Helen had suffered during the night no longer seemed evident.
"Will you grant me a birthday wish?" Helen asked, as I headed towards my bedroom for a morning shower.
"Which is?" I hated people asking me to commit to something before telling me what it was.
"I'd love you to dress as David."
That stopped me in my tracks. I turned around and looked into her lovely eyes. "Are you ready for this?"
"I think so. I won't really know until you try though, will I?"
"I suppose not. I'll do it if you promise you'll tell me if it gets too much for you. I don't want you suffering in silence."
I was quite nervous while getting ready. I almost decided to go for pretty androgynous clothing, but decided if I was going to do this for Helen, then I would do it properly. My hair was a totally different matter, and I struggled to get it to resemble a male looking shape. This layered style was very easy to maintain when I was being female all the time, but it wasn't great when I wanted it to look masculine. Eventually, I pulled it up and put on a baseball cap. It looked a bit strange, but it was the best I could do.
Helen came into my room, took one look at me and smiled. There was no flinching, no frown, no flood of tears and certainly no breakdown. I was still pretty pessimistic about the situation as Helen had only lasted a few hours when she proposed. Time had moved on, and she had got better, but I still doubted I would still be dressed in male clothes by afternoon orchestra practice.
When we entered our year-room, the Happy Birthday wishes quickly tailed off as they saw me dressed as David. Perhaps I was being a bit cruel to Helen, but I wanted to know for sure if she could cope, so I used all the skills I'd learnt in boy lessons. I think Martha and Erika had seen more of me as Jayne, so seeing me as David in full male mode was more of a shock for them. Actually it was a shock for me too. Besides the time I was outside in Russia, I hadn't made a conscious effort to be seen as male since the trip to London soon after Immigration Manor arrived.
"Why are you David today?" asked Paula.
"Helen's birthday wish," I responded as simply as I could.
I wasn't going to say any more than that, but Helen did. "I was upset last night, worried that David would never come back. I'm not reacting badly anymore to what happened, and I thought it was a good time to see if I can cope."
"And if you can't cope?" Anna asked Helen, looking a bit worried.
Before Helen could answer, I shrugged my shoulders and said, "Then I go change. I'm sure that Helen will be fine, so let's not worry and go and have breakfast."
It seemed strange me saying that as it was normally Lewis's phrase, but he wasn't here. He was keeping Brian company in the hospital wing.
Being David didn't go unnoticed as we walked into the dining room. Becky was the psychiatrist sat on our table today. Her eyebrows shot up when she saw how I was dressed. I wasn't sure what she had been told about why Helen was having issues with me being David, but Rachel or Mr Hobson must have said something to the other psychiatrists. She didn't say anything, but as breakfast progressed, I noticed she was keeping a careful watch on both of us.
The two empty seats at our table also didn't go unnoticed, and I'm sure many theories were being proposed by those on the other year tables. However, it wasn't unheard of for people to miss a meal for various reasons, so things didn't get too wild. I almost laughed at some of the ideas I heard. Everyone on our table kept Brian's privacy and nobody gave the truth away. I was sure by lunchtime that it would be known that Brian was having surgery.
As breakfast finished, I received a message from Lewis asking if I could visit. The first full day of lessons after the Christmas break and I was being called away. At least the first lesson was advanced computer studies, where I was well in advance of the others in the class.
I showed the message to Helen. "I hope not to be too long."
Helen nodded. "I'll tell Julia."
I snuck off before the year left the dining room, knowing Helen would take care of letting the others know why I'd disappeared. I know Helen was going to tell Julia, but I still felt a bit bad about missing the lesson, so once I was out of the dining room, I rang her. I didn't want to tell her too much, to protect Brian's privacy, so I just told her that Brian was in the hospital and was asking for me.
"And there goes my help!" She then turned more serious. "Student welfare comes first, as you've probably been told many times before. If you don't make the lesson then I'm sure you will catch up from Helen. Tell Brian that I wish him a speedy recovery."
"How much do you know?"
"Mr Hobson let Brian's teachers know that he would be out of action for at least a week. He didn't tell us what was wrong, and nobody asked. Now stop worrying and do what you need to."
I smiled as I trotted down the corridor. I hadn't thought about notifying the staff about Brian being away, but it made sense for Mr Hobson to tell them. As I approached the reception, I saw Sally coming out of one of the rooms. She was one of the nurses who'd worked with Mr Millard, the surgeon who operated on Stacy, so I presume he was doing the surgery on Brian.
"Hi Sally, is Brian in there?"
"Ah, David wasn't it? Are you a relative or have an appointment?"
"No, I'm not a relative, but I do have a message from Lewis asking me to visit." I showed her my PDA.
"Yes, Brian is in there. I'll be back in there myself in a few minutes."
I slipped into the room. There was no music like when Stacy occupied the room, but a worried silence.
"Hi Jay....David?"
"A birthday wish for Helen. Lewis, did you get any breakfast?"
"Yes, the nurse made sure I had something."
"Sally?"
"Yeah, that's her."
"So, you asked me to visit?" I enquired, deciding I needed to get things back on track.
"I asked Lewis to send the message," said Brian. "He said he was going to wait for me here, but then he will just be fretting all by himself. Will you stay with him?"
"Lewis, why don't you just come to class? A bit of Computer Studies and Geography will take your mind off things."
"But I won't be able to concentrate. I'll be so worried about what's happening. I want to be here when Brian comes back from surgery."
"It isn't that you will be miles away. If you're needed, you can be here in a few minutes. And I'm sure that Sally will ring you as soon as he is out of surgery."
As if on cue, Sally came into the room.
"Ah Sally, we were just mentioning you. Brian is fretting a bit about Lewis waiting here on his own. Would it be possible for you to ring him when you've finished?"
Sally gave a reassuring smile. "We always contact the study partners of someone undergoing surgery as soon as they are about to leave the recovery room. This operation isn't going to be as long as some we do, but it isn't going to be five minutes, either."
Brian looked at Lewis in a pointed way and Lewis reluctantly gave in. "Okay, I'll go to lessons when Brian goes in."
There was a knock on the door and in came Mr Millard. I thought I saw a glimpse of recognition, but he didn't say anything to me, which made me wonder if I'd really seen anything.
"Would you all mind waiting outside while I discuss the operation with Brian?"
"They both know what's going on," said Brian. "Is it okay if they stay?"
"Sure. I just want to make sure that you still want to go through with what was discussed?"
"Yes, remove female parts that need removing which we identified in our discussion. If anything new is found that didn't show up on the ultrasounds, then it should be left unless it would kill me and then only after you'd got permission from Becky."
"How long will it take?" asked Lewis.
"Barring complications, three hours." He turned back to Brian. "I will go through your post-operative recovery when you're awake." Mr Millard then turned to me. "David, are you the year leader?"
He did remember me. "One of them. Helen, my study partner is the other."
"Only one of you is needed, as I'm sure you will update each other. I just need you to keep an eye on Brian during his recovery to make sure that he doesn't rush things and that you don't expect too much of him."
"Will Becky have all the do's and don'ts?"
"Yes, though I'll send you an email too, so I know that you have them."
"Yes, Sir."
He turned back to Brian. "Do you have any other questions before we do this?"
"No."
"Excellent. A trolley will be here in about fifteen minutes to take you to theatre. David, you weren't here expecting to view me at work again, were you?"
"I was here because Brian and Lewis asked me to be."
"I thought you were teasing us when you said you were with Stacy when she had her op," gasped Brian.
Lewis looked slightly unwell. "I hate the sight of operations. My mum used to watch these reality programs set at hospitals and seeing an operation was horrid."
"I know Lewis," soothed Brian. "I wasn't going to ask if you could go with me. But, Mr Millard, would it be okay if David came along? I would feel much better if there was someone with me."
Mr Millard frowned and really didn't look happy. I think he was regretting joking with me. "This is really against all the rules." Before Brian could protest, he continued. "Let me go and speak with my team and see if they would mind."
Sally, who had disappeared while Mr Millard spoke to us, came back and started prepping Brian. "We had a student here last week who asked if she could wake up to some music. They seemed to have a much smoother wakeup, even though they'd just gone through a rather large operation. Would you like something like that?"
"That sounds really cool. I would normally listen to Pink, but perhaps something smoother would be better. Lewis, who was that composer that Anna put on the other week? You know the nice relaxing one."
"Not sure."
"You know, he composed the James Bond music."
"Oh, him."
I had my PDA out. "John Barry. The Beyondness of Things."
"I've never heard of that," apologised Sally.
I punched a few buttons on my PDA, and the first track starting to play.
"That's it," exclaimed Brian excitedly.
"Hey, you're supposed to be calming down," said Sally quite seriously. "If you have more excitement like that and I'll have to throw you all out."
We all uttered our apologies and Sally left us to ourselves.
"So how is Helen been with you back being David?"
"So far, quite well, but it probably will help her that I'm not sitting next to her in class."
"Why the cap?"
"I haven't had chance to see the hairdresser yet. Well, actually I don't want to get it restyled until I know I'm not going back to Jayne right away."
There was a knock and in walked Mr Millard. "David, as you were so well behaved last time, the team has agreed to give you another view. However, any interruptions and you will have to leave."
"Of course." I was slightly bewildered. It had been Brian who'd mentioned me being with him. I'd have been very happy going to lessons.
"Now, please come with me so you can start to scrub up."
"Lewis, can you let Helen know what's going on and will you also let Edith know, as I had a meeting with her."
When I was putting on the operating theatre garb it didn't seem as strange as last time. I did get a small smile from Mr Millard when I took of my cap to put on a theatre one, but he didn't say anything.
I met back up with Brian just before he was sedated. He looked relieved when he saw me all dolled up in surgical green. "Thanks for doing this."
"That's what friends are for, but don't expect me to do it again. I doubt this would ever be allowed outside school, and I'm not sure how it is being allowed here."
The anaesthetist was the same one that anesthetised Stacy. I wasn't told his name then and he didn't offer it now. However, he gave a small smile of recognition. "David, I take it you're missing lessons to be here?"
"Yes."
"You'll never get anywhere if you keep skipping classes like that. So come here, and let me show you in more detail why I'm the most skilled person in this team."
Mr Millard, who was hovering in the background, snorted. I tried my best to keep a straight face and concentrate on what I was being shown.
Obviously I wasn't able to touch any of the equipment, but the operation was an eye-opener. I'm not sure if Mr Millard was trying to compete, after hearing all the explanation by the anaesthetist, but he proceeded to explain every step of the surgery. I was told why he was doing what he was, why he was choosing the instrument or knife he did. His assistant even joined in and mentioned what organs they were looking at and the reason for removing the ones they did. This was certainly one of the most comprehensive biology lessons I'd ever had.
As they prepared to wheel Brian out, I thought I better say something. "Thank you for letting me glimpse you all in action."
"You were very attentive," smiled Mr Millard. "It is nice that our skills are appreciated. Though don't expect such treatment every time I'm doing an operation on someone you know."
"Yes, sir."
I turned on the music Brian had requested and waited. I wasn't sure how long he was going to be unconscious. Last time, I'd not been included in so much, and had assumed that they just left the patient until they woke up, and then wheeled them to their room. Instead, this time I saw there were frequent checks on his pulse, breathing, temperature, blood pressure, oxygen saturation and numerous other things. The anaesthetist was always there, just in case something went wrong.
When Brian was nearly ready to be moved back to his hospital room, Sally rang Lewis. There had been no point in ringing him earlier, as he'd just have been waiting and worrying. As it was, he was pacing when Brian was eventually wheeled in.
"Was everything okay?" Lewis asked me.
"I'm not the best one to ask, but things looked good and Mr Millard looked very pleased. Sally?"
"Everything went as expected. Now relax and wait for Brian to wake up again. The doctor will be in later to explain everything and I'm told that your Dr Sue will be here in a few minutes."
I felt a bit in the way. "I'd better get to Helen. When we're given the all clear, I know I'll be visiting."
The surgery had gone smoother than expected, so I made it to lunch just as the others were arriving. Helen looked a bit surprised when I appeared. I wasn't sure though if it was because I was David, or because she didn't expect me to be back in time.
"How's Brian?"
"His operation was a success. Lewis was with him when I left. How were lessons this morning?"
"You were missed, especially in Computer Studies, though neither of the teachers had any issues, since you were with Brian. However, since you weren't able to see Edith, they thought it would be nice if I had a chat with Rachel and Edith about how I felt about you being back as David."
"Oh," I uttered, feeling a bit small. I'd not thought of that happening. "Are you okay?"
"At the moment, yes. I've been warned though; 'not too much too soon', whatever that means."
"Are you okay with me being like this? Do you need me to change?"
"I'm okay for now. Oh, you've now got the joy of seeing Edith tomorrow at eleven."
After lunch, our first lesson was a new one for us. Life Facts. As we walked to the class, I wondered what this lesson was about. Strangely there was no information, and no teachers listed, just the class title and where it was to be held.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 54
Are some things best left unsaid?
Monday 9th January 2006, afternoon
We all arrived at the classroom, well apart from Brian and Lewis. The room wasn't laid out like any of the other classrooms that I'd been in at this school. Instead, there were six two-seat settees set on a thick carpet that made you want to walk barefooted. Covering the window weren't the usual blinds, but there was a set of curtains that were closed. They were heavy enough to totally black out the room if the lights were off.
"Don't just stand there, come on in," greeted Keith, one of the five school psychiatrists. Standing next to him was his wife, and fellow school psychiatrist, Becky. "Slightly different from your standard classroom, isn't it?"
"Are you teaching us?" asked Anna, sounding surprised.
"I wouldn't say teaching, as this isn't a normal lesson," answered Keith. "It's a discussion about life, things that might be affecting some of you, and where you are going in life."
"Sorry if I'm a bit late," Lewis puffed, as he burst into the room. It looked like he'd run to be here. "Brian's asleep, and the nurse kicked me out. He probably won't be awake again for a few hours." Lewis took a seat on the empty settee. He looked lonely sitting there alone, with the rest of us in pairs, but refused any offers to sit with another pair.
Becky explained, "We will be leading this class together, as some topics might be best coming from a specific gender basis. We want this to be a very open format. So if there is a topic you wish to discuss, please bring it up. Some of the topics might be difficult or embarrassing to some of you, and if that happens please let one of us know and we will see if we can make things easier; though that isn't always possible. I believe when talking about difficult subjects, you normally drag the settees to one side and huddle in the middle. Feel free to do this if you need to, as you are all here for each other."
This didn't sound very good. I looked around and the others looked apprehensive. "So what are we going to discuss?" I asked.
"Quite a variety of topics. We'll start with something the government insists all schools teach; sex-education. The schools have to teach, but parents have a right to ask their child be excused. We've already spoken to your parents, and all have given their permission. Even though we have parental permission, this school operates differently and you have the chance to opt out. If any of you want to be excused then please discuss this with us, your support staff, or with your year leaders."
I thought Rachel said we weren't going to do this until after Easter. After what I went through with Rachel the other day, this is going to be so embarrassing.
"Okay," said Keith. "Now Becky has done all the admin stuff, let's get on with the interesting things. The first topics will be sexual reproduction, foetal development and puberty. That should then have us covering most of what we are required to teach, then we can move onto the more interesting topics. I am aware that some of you never plan to be in a heterosexual relationship, but the initial discussions will be set in that scope. We will cover other forms of relationships at a later stage. One word or warning, this is a theory only lesson. You have all been warned that under-age sex is illegal. Just because we are talking about sex, doesn't give you an excuse to practice it."
I looked around and noticed that we all were looking slightly embarrassed. I don't think any of us wanted to discuss things, just in case it got a bit personal. I raised my hand.
Becky noticed, "Yes, David?"
"Helen and I have already done sex—ed." I didn't want to mention the discussion I'd had with Rachel the other day.
That got a lot of sniggers and I realised what others must be thinking.
Helen glared at them. "No, what David meant was that at our previous school we'd already had these lessons."
"Anybody else already covered this in your old school?"
Only Emma raised her hand.
"You three have got two options. Either sit through the first few classes as a refresher, or come back when we've finished this section." He paused and smiled. "I'm sure some extra work can be set for you."
We quickly decided that it would be better to stay. The threat of other work, which we might not like, wasn't all that appealing.
"Excellent. Now for a show of hands. Who has seen a naked female? I'm not going to ask who, so don't be nervous."
I was shocked that we could be asked such a question. However, after some encouraging looks from Becky and Keith we gradually raised our hands, while all trying to not look at each other. Even Keith and Becky raised theirs, which got a few sniggers.
"A full show. We don't get this every year. Okay, how about a naked male?"
Paula wasn't going to raise her hand, but Emma grabbed it and brought it up. This didn't go unnoticed and Keith decided to bring it up. "Emma, what made you do that?"
"Paula was trying to be polite. Everyone knows that I'm transgendered and was born a boy. I still have all my boy parts, and when there was the two suicide watches Paula saw me naked. Hence she should have raised her hand. It wouldn't have affected what people know. It could have been her brother when young or something else."
"Okay, let's try this again. Who has seen a naked male?"
Everyone raised their hands, including Erika, whom I hadn't noticed doing so before. I wonder if Erika had the same problem as Paula. Martha hadn't been shy about telling us she used to be Martin last month and perhaps this was an unwelcome reminder for Erika.
"I think this is a first," said Becky. "Okay, since you've all seen the parts, hopefully nobody should have any issues if we refer to them using proper terms. Now, on to the nitty-gritty of things."
Initially the "discussion" was embarrassing, but nothing seemed to faze Keith or Becky. When we all seemed to want to sink into the floor, one of them would crack a joke about the other and drag us all on. The videos they showed were the same as we'd had when we'd done sex-education previously, but since nobody was playing up, we actually learned something this time.
"We've seen how babies are made and the stages of development of the foetus," Keith wrapped up. "What we didn't cover was how this development affects the person carrying the baby, or babies. So tomorrow we are going to divert from what we are obliged to discuss this aspect."
As we were leaving, I couldn't believe how quickly the double-lesson had gone.
There was enough time before orchestra practice to visit Brian. However, none of us wanted to step on Lewis's feet. He'd not seen Brian much since the operation, and Lewis might have wanted to have some time with just the two of them. As we got up, I received a delayed message from Brian, asking me for a favour.
I got to orchestra practice a little early to have a word with Stacy, who was tuning up her violin, but paused when she saw me hovering. After I explained what I wanted, she agreed to help.
"How is Helen coping with you being back as David?"
"Better than I expected. It might have helped that I wasn't around much this morning." At her questioning look I continued, "Like you, Brian asked me to stay for his surgery."
Stacy smiled. "Good. Did you get a good explanation from the surgeon and anaesthetist?"
I gave her a questioning look, but she continued without explaining herself. "When everyone is here I'll do as you asked."
When the rest had arrived, Stacy had a quick word with Mrs Russell who disappeared. Stacy turned to face the orchestra, she called for attention. "David has an important update."
The room went quiet and everyone turned towards me as I stood. Feeling a little better prepared this time, my legs didn't feel as wobbly when everyone looked at me.
"As many of you have noticed, Brian wasn't at breakfast or lunch. He asked me to give you a small update. He had an operation this morning." I saw some worried faces and realised I'd missed something. "It wasn't an emergency. It had been scheduled for a bit; and no, it wasn't Gender Reassignment Surgery." This got a few laughs. "The operation went according to plan and since lunch he's been recovering. Brian will be the guest of our hospital for a few more days, and is under strict instructions to rest for at least a week. You'll not be surprised to hear that Lewis will not be conducting us today, as he is spending some needed time with Brian. Mrs Russell will be back in a few minutes as a replacement. Anybody who wants to visit, and isn't in year-one, will have to wait until tomorrow."
I sat down and breathed a sigh of relief. I hated standing up in front of everyone, but seemed to be getting better at it. Why do I always get to do the announcements for our year? Since Helen is joint year-leader, maybe she should do the next one.
After our evening meal, all of year-one went to visit Brian. He was propped up on a hospital bed, with Lewis sitting by his side.
"How are you feeling?" Paula asked eventually, as we were all hovering, not really knowing what to say.
"Relieved it's over. I'm tired a lot, which I'm told is normal and is a good sign. They say I've just got to rest and not fight the naps my body will say I need."
"Can we update year-D at The Manor?" asked Martha. "They were asking how it had gone. So far we've only said that it seemed okay."
"Of course. Sorry, I should have said earlier. David should be able to tell them a lot more of what happened than I can."
"Hey, you've had a few other things on your mind," reassured Lewis.
"Be glad you missed that sex-education class," sighed Helen.
Brian laughed a bit at all our faces.
"That bad?"
"Don't worry, they're saving the really bad stuff until you're back," joked Erika.
They all laughed, apart from Helen and me. I let Helen run with this one. "You know when Keith said, 'more interesting topics'? I have a bad feeling that we might find some even more embarrassing."
"So what have you heard?" demanded Paula.
Helen and I turned bright red and looked at each other. Neither of us wanted to say.
There must have been something in Helen's face, as Paula blushed and said, "They can't expect to talk about that in front of the whole class?" Helen just nodded.
Lewis buried his head, realising what we were talking about. "I thought I'd never have to think about that again."
"What?" asked an exasperated Brian.
"Periods," Lewis mumbled.
"Anything else?" asked Anna, not really sounded bothered about it. She must have felt there was something else, since she probably wouldn't have thought I'd blush at the mention of periods.
I decided that using Rachel's words were slightly less embarrassing. I mumbled, "Self gratification."
A solitary "Huh?" came from Brian. I wonder if he wasn't totally recovered from the anaesthetic.
I shook my head, as I couldn't say any more. Martha wasn't as shy and explained.
Brian broke the embarrassment with, "I think it's going to take me until the class has finished before I'm ready to leave here." That got us all laughing again, and we settled into our more usual chats.
When I noticed Brian starting to look tired, I suggested we all make our way back to our year's common-room.
"How's my birthday girl doing?" I asked Helen as we walked down the corridor.
"This is the strangest birthday I've ever had."
"Yeah, it seemed like it." It dawned on me that I'd missed some of her birthday. "I'm sorry I wasn't with you most of the morning."
"Don't be silly. Brian needed you."
We got to our common room, and found a big box waiting by the door, with the words 'Helen' in big letters on the top. Helen gave a yelp of joy and eagerly removed the top to reveal a cake. It was one of the things the school did, but you could never know when the cake would appear. Having it appear this late though was unusual, but probably so we couldn't share any with Brian so soon after his surgery. We surged into the common room, so we could all have some. Cake never seemed to last too long.
"Lewis, I'm putting a piece to one side for Brian," said Helen, as she cut the cake. "I repeat; this is for Brian and not a spare slice for you."
"Spoilsport," he laughed. I wondered how much Lewis was laughing at Helen's joke, or at how close she was to the truth.
"That goes for the rest of you, too!" I don't know why she was looking at me. I still find cakes a treat and wouldn't eat somebody else's slice.
It was nice to relax with a slice of cake and chill. One good thing so far about the life skills lesson was no homework, though I'm sure that would change. I had some catching up to do, but we didn't have those lessons again until Wednesday, so it could wait.
As it got towards bedtime, I saw Helen start to wobble. Today had been quite busy, and seemed to take her mind off things. Now it was quiet and relaxed, she had time to think about things.
"I'm getting tired, so might go up," I said, rising from the settee.
"Make that two of us," said Helen, snapping out of her thoughts.
When we were out of the lounge I asked, "Bedroom or Rachel?"
She flashed me a weak smile. "Bedroom. Was I that obvious?"
I quickly reassured her. "No. Don't forget I know you a bit better than they do. You've been doing really well today."
"I'm not sure why, but it was having a little time to think about things that happened. I wasn't that upset. Edith did tell me that I could continue to have little episodes. She also told me that I should seek attention if they get too bad."
"Do you need me to be Jayne tonight?" I asked, concerned that there would always be a bit of Moscow with her.
"It would be nice, but no. I think I'd like to finish the night with you as David. Thanks for making my birthday wish come true. I just hope you have as good a birthday on Friday, only not so eventful."
I smiled at the thought of my birthday. The calendar had nothing major scheduled, so I hoped Helen's uneventful idea came true.
Tuesday 10th January 2006
Just before eleven I met up with Stacy and we headed off to see Edith. As we went up the stairs, I asked, "Stacy, can we have a chat later, about this school visit?"
She smiled, in a knowing kind of way. "Of course. I expected this yesterday, but I suppose you were a bit busy."
"You must have more on your plate, yet you seem to always have time for people."
"Practice, that's all. When you are in year-five, I'm sure it won't be an issue for you, either."
When we got to Edith's office, the door was wide open and we could see her sat at her desk, tapping away on her computer. She must have heard us, as she looked up and asked us to come in.
"Sorry about yesterday," I apologised, as we all sat down on the settees.
"As I understand it, you were helping someone from your year, is that correct?” As I nodded she continued. “Then there's nothing to apologize for. While important, the exact timing of our chat wasn't that critical. As it turned out I was able to have a very nice chat with Helen, to see how she was getting on. So how have you both been?"
"I've had no issues," responded Stacy. "I've been to places alone, and haven't had any effects."
"Same for me," I added.
"What about being back as David? How did you deal with yesterday?"
"I was more worried about how Helen was."
Edith shook her head. "That wasn't my question. I want you to take a few minutes and go over yesterday in your mind. How did you feel about yourself being back as David?"
I stopped to think and came up blank. "I don't know. So much happened yesterday that I didn't really have time to take it in. Some of it was hard, but then I find it hard getting people to see me as male. More than once, someone has called me Jayne, only to then correct themselves to David. Who I am and how I feel about myself is an ongoing discussion with Rachel."
"Have you booked yourself to see the hairdresser?"
"Yes, for this evening. I held off just in case."
"I see." Edith paused and looked at both of us. "Your teachers all seem to think that both of you are coming on very well. David, I was a bit concerned about how Helen was going to react with you being back as male. However, she survived a whole day, and hasn't backed down yet. Please watch her, as it is not uncommon for the stress to return with little or no warning. If that happens, reactions may well be totally different from her normal character. Even little changes in character can be a clue."
"You mean like when I tried to commit suicide?"
"It could be something like that. In your case, you didn't want to discuss the situation, you believed yourself trapped and thought there was no way out. Only afterwards did you find there was. In some ways Helen is a bit more open than you, but in other ways she can be just as stubborn."
"Do you think Helen will take a turn for the worse?" I was quite worried. I didn't want anything to cause her issues.
"To be honest, there is no way to know. There are cases where years later, some event triggers a flashback. The four of you, and several of the others to a lesser extent, experienced events that put a lot of stress on you. You've all progressed far better than we'd hoped. We have hopes that even if something were to trigger this, you’ll all become better at recognizing the onset and that we’ll have helped you have the tools you need to deal with them. For instance, Stacy said in an earlier session that she still gets occasional nightmares from her rape."
I looked at Stacy, worried if she would have a bad reaction to that reminder, but she just nodded.
"Since this is going to be a short session, I'd like you to get out your PDA's and send me a note with your top ten deserts, or puddings, I think some of you call them. Put them in order, with number one being your favourite. Now I know that ten might take a few minutes, so I'll leave you to it."
Edith got up and left, leaving me rather surprised. I'd had some strange requests in therapy sessions before, but this one seemed totally out there. However, I did as requested. Now if she'd asked for my top three, it would have been easy, but ten?
After a few minutes, I was stuck. I had six, but couldn't think of any more. "How many have you got?"
"Seven," Stacy responded, in deep thought. "This isn't as easy as it first seemed."
There were so many delicious meals at the school and I liked most, but would I go and say they were a favourite? I thought about putting some okay ones on the list, but decided at the last minute to stick with the ones I'd put.
I didn't have time to say more when Edith came back in. "All done?"
"I've got six," I responded
"And I've got seven," added Stacy. "I can't think of more what I would describe as favourites."
"That's okay. Send them across and let's see if it is enough." Her PDA pinged as she received them. It didn't take her long before she responded, "Excellent, we have enough for both of you. On Saturday, I have something planned for the two of you. In the meantime, we seem to have finished early, so go and relax."
I was slightly surprised as we walked out of the door. It didn't seem to make sense as we'd hardly talked about things. I don't think I'll ever understand therapists.
"Do you want that chat now?" asked Stacy.
"Sure."
We went downstairs and into the empty parlour room. The piano wasn't in the same place, and I wondered what had been happening in there.
"So?" asked Stacy as we sat down.
"The concert we're doing at the school. I take it there is someone there that needs some encouragement?"
"Yes. They were learning an instrument, but seemed to get a lot of ribbing for it. Even though they see people playing guitars and keyboards in pop groups, music can sometimes still seem to cause conflicts. As you saw, the music at this concert is a lot different from what we normally play; film and popular classics."
One question down, a few to go. "You implied being shown Brian's surgery was planned. Why?"
"Because it is good to know what happens in cases like that." Stacy paused, like she was wondering how much to say. She must have decided it was okay to tell me, because she continued. "Many years ago, a British spy was involved in an incident in a foreign country and needed medical attention. They thought the people involved with the operation weren't involved; they were wrong and the agent died due to the wrong level of anaesthetic being given to them. Nobody is expecting you to carry out a medical operation, but it is hoped that you'll know enough to recognise something that might be wrong."
There goes my inquisitive mind again. In some scary way it makes sense, but perhaps it was too much information. If I could just accept things at face value, my life would be easier, but I don't seem to be able to do that.
"So are Helen and I still with the beta team? If so, are we the two that Andy and you will handover to?"
"That is for Mr Hobson to tell you. However, it seems likely. Why?"
I had come this far, but suddenly felt nervous. I hoped this didn't cause issues with them. "Umm, Helen has a bit of a crush on Andy."
"Don't worry, we know. Just like we know you have some feelings about me."
I felt like crying in embarrassment. "I'm sorry," I muttered.
"Andy and I think very highly of the two of you. However, I don't think you would want to risk your relationship with Helen, would you?"
"No." I felt mortified. I thought I'd hidden my feelings, but obviously not enough.
"And I wouldn't want to risk Andy, either. Now, it is good that you told me this. Actually it is really good, as we will be spending lots of time together. We need to be honest with each other and our partners, otherwise it could cause issues. Also there is another barrier; age. I'm eighteen and you're nearly fourteen. It wouldn't only be the school that would get upset with us if things went further than they have."
"Sorry."
"Don't be. I'm honoured you feel like you do. To me you're a great friend. Now, let's move on and discuss the handover. If Mr Hobson does agree with you being the next beta-one, you will need to be involved with a lot more of the planning for the next trip. Once agreed we will also need to sit down with Susan who will be next year's head student. I will have a word with Mr Hobson later, and see what he says. On top of that, Helen, you, Ingrid and Fran need to continue your training."
The words, "You're a great friend", echoed through my mind. It was like someone had just punched me in my stomach and I could hardly concentrate on the rest of our chat.
When I got back to the year-one common room, Helen took one look at me and rushed across, "What happened? You look awfully upset."
"I told her."
"Told who-" she trailed off as I mouthed 'Stacy'. "Oh shit." Then as if coming to a decision, "We're going for a walk to discuss this, now!" She called out to the two others in the room not to worry if we weren't at lunch.
I snorted a bit at that. Not being at lunch was something to worry about, especially for Helen. The others in our year will wonder what's going on if we aren't there. Helen grabbed our coats as we left, and I followed her outside, to the benches at the back of the school.
Sitting outside wasn't really a popular thing in the middle of winter, so there was no better place for a bit of privacy. At least it wasn't raining.
Helen put her arms around me. "What did you tell her?"
I filled her in on the conversation.
"And she didn't say anything really about it apart from they already knew, and that basically they were too old and nothing could ever happen?"
I burst into tears. "I'm sorry," I sobbed out.
"Why?" she said pulling me close. "I know how you feel about Stacy, and I know how you feel about me."
I nodded and gladly took the tissue she passed me. Where did she find them? "Are you okay?" I asked when I was a bit calmer.
She shrugged. "I'm a bit embarrassed that Andy knew and hadn't said anything."
"I hope they're not laughing at us." I started crying again, but not as heavily as a few moments before.
"I'll deck them if they are," said Helen angrily.
"Calm down." I tried to pull myself together. "You'll get into so much trouble if you hit someone."
"So? Well if they do rub it in, they will know about it." She paused and looked like she was trying to calm herself down. "Let's get to lunch before we are missed."
We rushed in, dumping our coats in our common-room as we dashed towards the dining-room. We only just made it in time. I deliberately didn't look towards the year-five table.
There were a lot of enquiring faces as we sat down. Helen just said, "All sorted," in such a positive way it seemed to placate most. Only Dan, today's psychiatrist at our table, didn't seem convinced. I was watched like a hawk during lunch, and then, during the Life Skill's lesson that afternoon, Keith and Becky seemed to watch both me and Helen more than the others.
I managed to get through the lesson in one piece, and was just walking out of the door when Becky stopped us and asked Helen and me to stay for a minute.
"What's going on with you two? David you look like you are about to burst into tears at any moment, and Helen, you look like you're very pissed off."
"Something happened earlier which upset David, and that's pissed me off," said Helen. "However we are talking about it."
"I see," said Becky. "David, can I ask what upset you so much?"
"I don't want to get into the details. Can I just say that it was a misunderstanding, which I'd rather taken to heart? I'm sure that by tomorrow I'll feel better."
"If you don't, or feel worse, then please talk to Rachel."
"I'm sure you will be telling her about this conversation, anyway."
Becky smiled. "Of course." She turned her head to look directly at Helen. "If you'd taken up boxing, I would have recommended you go and do a few rounds. Since you haven't, how would you like to go for a run with me?"
"A run?" Helen sounded very surprised.
"Sure. I think you need to work off some tension, and as crass as it sounds, sometimes a bit of physical activity will help. Why don't you go and get changed, and I'll meet you at the entrance in say ten minutes? We should be back in time for orchestra practice."
I suppose Helen could have said no, but the way Becky phrased it, it wasn't really a request. When I saw her at orchestra, Helen was looking less likely to hit someone, but there was still the air of anger there.
We were a very subdued pair that evening, and I wished that I'd kept my mouth shut. I went to bed that night wondering if telling the truth was always for the best.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 55
Saturday 14th January 2006
On Tuesday, Edith had told Stacy and me that she had something planned for today. In the awkward and painful days since my chat with Stacy, it wasn't something I'd been looking forward to. I'd tried my best to forget the last few days, including my birthday. Helen had tried to put on a brave face, but when we'd been alone in our bedroom, we would both soon be in tears.
Just before breakfast both Helen's PDA and mine pinged. The message said to meet Mr Hobson in his office after breakfast where he would explain Edith's task to us. The attendees shown on the invite were Helen, Stacy, Andy and me. My heart sank. How can I face being near Stacy, after what she'd said on Tuesday?
"Today's task is quite simple," said Mr Hobson. "You are going to take part in a little quiz, similar to what you did in France. Rachel will drive you to the train station where you'll take the train into London. This is where the quiz will take place. If you have any issues, ring the contact on your travel PDA's marked 'Issues'. In London you will split into pairs and follow the orders that will appear on your PDA's. If any of the prompts are confusing, ring the issues line. Once you have all finished, come back to the local train station and Rachel will pick you up. Any questions?"
There were none. I know Mr Hobson liked to keep things simple, but I doubt anybody could misunderstand. Heck, there was even a big shiny button on the front screen marked 'Have Issue'. I don't think he was leaving anything to chance. We were each armed with some cash and a debit card.
Rachel was waiting with the minibus and we were all driven to Leighton Buzzard railway station. This was the first time that all four of us had been together, alone, since my chat with Stacy admitting our feelings and we all seemed a bit strained. When I'd told Helen that Andy and Stacy had already known how we felt, she had felt as horrified as I had. Since Wednesday, she had avoided Stacy and Andy.
When we got to the station, Rachel turned to us and said, "Before you go, we need a little chat. Let me come round and climb in the back with you."
We all looked at each other, nervously. I'm sure it didn't go unnoticed as Rachel seemed to be very alert as she got in the back.
"What's going on? I have some ideas, but I want to hear it from you. Stacy, why don't you explain, since you are head student?"
Stacy just shook her head. I was surprised, as Stacy normally would have explained her actions. To not do so, was just not like her.
"Okay," said Rachel calmly. "Let's see how I do. You have been discussing you cross partner feelings and you are unsure how to react with each other now it is out in the open. Am I right?"
None of us answered.
"I take it that a lack of a denial that I'm close enough to the truth. The question is, what are you going to do about it? Are you going to pretend that it isn't there? Are you going to lie to yourselves? Or are you going to sit down together and talk about it to find out you aren't all jumping to conclusions?"
Again, we were silent. None of us wanted to get into a discussion about this, especially with Rachel.
"Okay, I think this needs to be discussed, and you will have plenty of time on the train when it's just the four of you. You were going to be allowed to decide what teams you have. However, in light of these issues, I think you should be Andy and David as one team, leaving Stacy and Helen as the other."
Internally I gasped. I couldn't believe that Rachel would do such a thing. What a fiend!
"I'll see you later," said Rachel, getting out of the minibus and indicating we should get going. "I hope you have fun."
When we were safely away from Rachel, Helen blurted out, "I can't believe she did that."
"Welcome to the nicer side of Dr Ruiz," shrugged Stacy. "She is forcing us to address the issue in some practical way, rather than just talk about it with us."
"Oh," said Helen, like me, not having thought about that scenario.
While we were chatting with Rachel, we'd missed a train, and I thought we might have to hang around for ages, but a few minutes later another one pulled in. The train we had missed was one that stopped at all stations on the way, but the one we got on was a fast train, with the next station being London Euston. We found a quiet carriage and took a block of four seats, Helen and I facing the direction the train was going, leaving Stacy and Andy going backwards.
"Do we have to talk about this?" asked Helen.
"Hey, that's my line," I complained, and got a friendly elbow in my side.
Stacy took charge, "Okay, it is just the four of us, stuck together for half an hour. Let's see if we can understand each other's issues. I think the only way is if we are all truthful about things. Since Wednesday, neither Andy nor I have seen either of you. Have you been avoiding us?"
"It's just embarrassing," I eventually said. "I was hoping you didn't realise."
"I'm also worried you think we're silly and a bit immature," added Helen. "Besides, I wanted give Stacy a good pasting for upsetting David like she did."
"Why didn't you?" Stacy asked, putting a hand on Andy, who had clenched his fists.
"Becky took me on a run and calmed me down. Heck, I was so exhausted I could hardly play afterwards in practice."
"Okay Andy, they've been honest with us, do you have anything to add? Remember, be open and honest."
Andy flashed a look at Stacy that I'd never seen before. A look of hurt mixed with worry.
"I've been avoiding too," started Andy, refusing to look at anybody. I thought he was going to say something else but he just clammed up.
"Why?" I asked, rather confused.
"I knew about Helen's feelings, and didn't want to encourage it. I hoped that if she didn't see me as much, then it might go."
"And the rest!" demanded Stacy. This was a side I very rarely saw of Stacy. She was still her normal tender self, but there was an edge to her voice that we all understood to mean that she wanted what she said.
Andy almost whispered. "I also didn't want Helen or David to know I'm rather fond of Helen, too. David is a good friend, and I wouldn't want him upset with me. Avoiding Helen was not just for her to get over me ... but so temptation wasn't there for either of us."
I didn't see that coming!
Helen's head, which had been down after her revelation popped up and she looked surprised at Andy. "I'm sorry, Stacy."
"I'm sorry too," said Stacy. "I wasn't totally honest with David the other day. I omitted telling him that like Andy, the feelings were reciprocated." Stacy turned to face me directly. "However, what I told you the other day still stands; for several reasons, nothing can come of it."
Stacy didn't say anymore, and I think part of the reason was she didn't want to hurt me and Helen. I'm sure one of the primary reasons was our age.
"I love David," Helen told Stacy. "I wouldn't want anything to happen with Andy. I don't want to come between you and Andy. I know it sounds simplistic, but we all got on after Moscow, even though we all know what had happened that night. Damn. I'm beginning to sound as old as David sometimes does."
"Not old, but mature," said Andy. "I think we all bottled things up, because we didn't want to cause issues for our partners. Now we have things in the open, let's see if we can trust each other and ourselves."
"That's the silly thing," said Helen. "David did trust, but it was me I didn't trust. Heck, David said the other day how he was glad that I seemed happier, even when it was after I'd spent time with Andy."
That got Andy and Stacy very puzzled, and there was nothing I could do to help them understand. It was just that I didn't get jealous, but just wanted the person I loved to be happy. Isn't that what love is about? I tried several ways to explain it, but they just didn't seem to get it. Eventually I gave up, and looked out of the window at the built up view of the outskirts of London.
Our trip to London turned out to be similar to the competition we did in Paris, follow certain clues and solve the question. It seemed strange to be with Andy instead of either Helen, or even Stacy, whom I'd worked with so much before. Each team would have the same questions, but in different orders, that way we couldn't see each other's results. I had no idea why we were doing this, but there must have been some reason.
"So, do you have a crush on me too?" asked Andy as we went towards the Tube. This was the first time I'd been on the Tube, and it seemed a bit daunting. However, Andy didn't seem fazed and I just stayed close.
"No," I responded simply, trying not to gag at the thought, and quickly wondered how to be tactful. There were more than a few same-sex couples at the school, and I was pleased they'd found love. However, someone male wasn't something that appealed for me. "You're a good friend, I hope, but I don't feel anything more. I think the reason things came together quicker with Stacy was because of Moscow. What about you?"
"A good friend."
"Are you mad at me?" Andy opened his mouth and I quickly added, "And no joking."
Andy paused, and I was worried he wasn't going to reply. Eventually he did in a rather subdued voice. "I was a bit at first, until Stacy reminded me that was unfair because of Helen. And who am I to disagree with Stacy."
"What strange people we are," I laughed. I was relieved that Andy wasn't mad at me. He always took the time to listen to me when I needed someone male to talk about certain things. He'd never been judgemental about my issues, even when they seemed to make little sense.
"Some people would say we're strange, just based on me being a cross dresser and Stacy having a sex-change. I don't think this makes us strange, just more unique."
"I'm glad you didn't position the percussion to shock me again as revenge."
"It was tempting, believe me. However, I didn't want another slap from you."
It was a strange day, and some even stranger conversations, but as we traipsed across a city I was unfamiliar with, Andy and I got to know each other a bit more. In some ways he was becoming a male friend, which I'd never had before coming to this school. The final leg of the journey instructed us to split up and make our way in two different routes back to Euston.
Andy was quite surprised with that, "Are you okay to do this on your own?"
"Sure," I responded, trying to sound more confident than I was.
"You know which way to go?"
I looked at the tube map. "Yes, I'm going to walk along here to The Embankment, and get the northern line to Euston."
"Sounds like a good plan to me. Since you are taking the quickest route, I suppose you'll be there before me."
I was quite surprised to find Andy waiting for me at the exit from the tube at Euston.
"How did you do that?" I demanded.
"Do what?"
"Get here before me? I thought I was getting on the most direct tube."
"You were," he laughed, seeing my frustrated face. "I got a cab. The tubes seem quicker than they are. It's only two miles and pretty much a direct road. I also had a benefit of having a nutter of a cab driver. Gosh, getting paid to drive like that makes me want to do The Knowledge."
"The Knowledge?"
He grinned at my confusion. "Basically all the cab drivers in the centre of London have to know the streets of London by heart, and that's called The Knowledge. They have to pass a test which asks how they would get from point A to point B without using a map."
"All of London?" I was rather surprised. It sounded an impossible task. I pulled out my PDA to look it up. "You've got to be kidding. Six mile radius from Charring Cross. That's a huge area to learn."
"I think it takes a few years to do. Hey, there's Helen."
I rushed across and gave her kiss, which she blushed about. "David, we're in public," she moaned.
"How did you get on with Stacy?"
"Really well. I thought she might hate me, but she seemed okay. Someone even took our picture for us on the Greenwich meridian line. The last bit had us go different ways to here."
"Yeah, we had the same. I still can't believe Andy got back before me."
"Stacy said we should meet under the large timetable," said Helen, like she'd just remembered.
Andy's ears pricked up with that. "Then let's get going. We don't want her to worry where we are."
Stacy was waiting. "What kept you all?" she asked, her hands on her hips like she was impatient.
"You only just got here," I accused, after she'd had a big kiss from Andy.
"Sorry?" Stacy sounded like I was being impertinent.
"There are wet footsteps leading up to here. There is someone cleaning the floor on one of those sit on cleaners, who looks like they've just done this area. Hence, you have only just got here."
Stacy laughed. "Guilty as charged. I saw you all chatting, so went round the other entrance so you wouldn't see. Seems I'm not as good at sneaking as I thought."
"Or David's too observant," said Andy, giving me a friendly punch.
"Does anybody need toilet or a drink before we get the train back?" Stacy asked, again taking charge.
None of us did, and we made our way towards the platform. We weren't as lucky as earlier and the train we got on was the slow train which seemed to stop at every station. We sent in our results, which would be a signal to Rachel that we were finished and on our way back to the school.
Indeed, by the time the train pulled into the small Leighton Buzzard railway station, Rachel was waiting by the platform exit. She smiled as she saw us chatting away to each other.
"So are things now resolved?" asked Rachel.
"Not really," responded Stacy. My heart fell at that statement. Telling Rachel that would only lead to other talks about it. "However, we know we have to talk about it, we have and we will."
"Between the four of us," added Andy. I could have hugged him, but thought that a railway platform wouldn't be a fit place to do so.
"If you don't resolve it, then I will get involved," said Rachel in a businesslike manner. "All four of you know better than to let a situation like that develop."
Instead of the minibus, she had brought the Grand Voyager to pick us up. It was a lot more comfortable, and since there were only four passengers, it was quite nice. As we drove towards the school, I decided I needed to bring up the feelings I'd had which none of the other three understood.
"Rachel, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course. Ask away." Rachel sounded surprised.
"It's a bit complex. Is it unusual for someone not to be jealous that their partner is very close to someone else?"
"I think I need a bit more information than that," said Rachel.
I glanced at Helen, who was in the seat next to me, and she nodded, as did Stacy and Andy who were in the middle row of seats.
"The others couldn't understand that I didn't get jealous when I knew that Helen had a crush on Andy. In fact, it made me happy that she was happy."
Rachel now sounded a bit puzzled. "But you still love Helen?"
"With all my heart."
"Do any of the rest of you have an issue with David being happy like this?"
None of them did, thought they all made comments that they didn't understand how I couldn't be jealous. I'm not sure why, but being jealous seems so negative.
"David, do you have a problem feeling the way you do?"
"No," I replied after a little thought. "Why should I? Helen has been through so much, and if someone else caring too, can give help, and even make her happy, then that makes me happier."
"Then there isn't an issue. Why worry about something that isn't an issue for you or anybody else?"
We all rode on in silence. When Rachel drove us into the school grounds she broke the silence. "I know you all would like to get back to your friends, but I would be grateful if you could all join me in my office."
I glanced at Helen, wondering if we were in trouble. I saw similar glances between Stacy and Andy. Rachel must have noticed through her rear-view mirror as she said, "Don't worry. I said I wasn't going to discuss your feeling for each other unless you let it get out of hand. Edith wants to discuss the trip with you all."
I breathed a sigh of relief. I might have asked Rachel a question, but it wasn't something I was ready to talk about.
Our arrival back at school wasn't unnoticed. All the students in our two years were there to welcome us back.
"Sorry, but it appears they're not finished with us yet," explained Stacy to the waiting mob.
"They shouldn't be too long," added Rachel, almost apologetically, before leading us out of the entrance hall and up the grand stairs to the first floor.
Edith was waiting in Rachel's office and we were invited to sit.
"How was London?" asked Edith. She was sat back, with no sign of her PDA.
"I think we did all that was asked," Helen eventually responded, since she was being looked at.
"I believe that this was the first time on the subway for both Helen and David. Was it fun?"
"Subway?" I'd seen a Subway shop that was selling food, but that didn't make sense with the 'on the'.
"Underground," Andy and Stacy said in unison.
"I now understand it a bit better," I answered.
"And nobody pressed the issues button. I sat there patiently, thinking you would have called about 'the church located by a piece of bedroom furniture', but both teams seem to have sent in the picture with one of you outside St Andrew-by-the-Wardrobe. So how was the last item; being sent back to Euston individually?"
"Was that a test to see if we could cope out on our own?" I enquired.
"Yes," Edith responded without remorse. "How did you all do?"
"I was okay," I responded.
"Me too," said Stacy. The other two nodded in agreement.
"Was the underground to see how we coped, after hiding in one while in Moscow?" asked Andy.
"Of course. The rest was going to be easy, but I was asked to make it more of a challenge."
"Why waste an opportunity to learn," I offered.
"Exactly," said Rachel, speaking for the first time since we'd arrived down at her office.
"Now, the last bit of therapy from me," said Edith, leaning forward in her chair. "I asked all of you to list your favourite desserts or puddings. A very interesting list; some items I wasn't familiar with. Anyway, since you have progressed to this stage in your healing, I'd like to introduce something new. You and your partner are going to cook a dessert together. The top entry that David and Helen shared was Sticky Toffee Pudding. For Andy and Stacy it was something called Spotted Dick."
"Cook?" I said, slightly worried. My parents weren't the best cooks in the world, and my attempt at a Christmas Pudding was something I quickly wanted to forget about.
Rachel seemed to understand my anxiety and quickly stepped in. "Since you and Helen have not had the delights of the kitchen staff teaching you all their secrets, then they will guide and assist you."
"Think of this as a sign that the worst is over," continued Edith. "I'm not saying you won't have any more effects from your experience, but you are at a point where you can expect most of your time to be normal, or what passes for normal here anyway. Since these are some of your favourite dishes, it will also be a nice treat after the horrors you've suffered."
"Have you scheduled a time for us to do this?" asked Stacy.
"No. I've spoken with Justin and he's very much looking forward to sharing part of his kitchen with you."
I was slightly surprised. Cooking lessons were not conducted in the main kitchen, but in a similarly equipped classroom. Justin only let students into his kitchen to assist when he knew they were skilled enough to cook for the rest of the students.
"You better not set off the fire alarms again," I teased. "I doubt he would be as forgiving as last time."
Stacy shrugged. "It got the result that was needed."
Edith looked puzzled at the banter, but Rachel just waved it off.
"So does that mean our sessions with you are finished?" Helen asked Edith.
"That's right. I'm scheduled to fly home on Tuesday. Remember, if you need to, you can always send me an email or we can talk via the new video conferencing system."
"Thanks for your help," Stacy said. The sincerity in her voice was obvious to us all and we quickly added our thanks.
We got up to leave. Helen and I were behind Stacy and Andy when I heard Stacy say she would join the rest of year five in about an hour. She was going to do what she'd missed this morning. This reminded me I needed to speak with Rachel.
"Rachel," I said turning. "Do you have a minute?"
"Of course. This is the second time today you've wanted to ask me questions. If you're not careful, I'll think you've got over your aversion to chatting with me."
I smiled at her teasing. "I think it's me answering your questions that I'm still not happy about," I responded honestly.
Helen was hovering near the door, not knowing what this was about and not knowing if she should go or stay. I dragged her into the room, and firmly shut the door.
"Am I staying too?" asked Edith, having been shut in the room.
"Sorry," I said. "I don't mind. I'm sure you won't spread what I'm asking."
Edith shrugged, and sat back down.
"So?" said Rachel, when we were all seated.
"In Moscow, Andy asked me to make sure that Stacy took care of some medical stuff she had to do. When she went off to do it before breakfast the last morning, Jill mentioned the word dilation. However, when I looked it up, it just mentioned things like having babies, and eyes dilating. None of it makes sense."
Rachel looked crestfallen at my request and didn't immediately respond. "Why didn't you ask Jill?" she eventually asked.
I was surprised, as Rachel normally doesn't beat about the bush.
"Because she seemed to think I knew what was happening. I didn't want to appear thick. Don't you know what she was talking about?"
"Yes, I do, but you have me in an awkward position. I can't really discuss another student's issues with you."
"Oh."
Helen suddenly piped up. "I think David was really meaning what the word meant, rather than something specific with Stacy."
"Since I'm not familiar with Stacy's medical history, why don't I answer?" interrupted Edith.
"Thanks," sighed Rachel.
"So when you looked up the word, you saw that dilation means to get larger. When a women is about to give birth, her cervix dilates, or gets larger, to allow the baby to be born. However, what I think Jill was referring to is dilation after having Sex Reassignment Surgery. The body will naturally try to close any hole made into the body. Cutting your finger is a good example, the blood will clot the injury, and the wound will heal. It takes a lot longer, but after SRS, the body will try to close the newly created vagina. The patient uses what's called a stent to train the body to keep the vagina open."
Helen and I were blushing at the mention of the body parts, but Edith wasn't finished. "At first, the vagina won't be very flexible, and will not be able to accommodate a penis. So over time, as the body gets used to the stent, a wider version is introduced. Hence the word dilation."
"Stent?" I enquired.
Rachel got up, went to her cupboard and returned with what looked like a makeup bag with the word "Demo" on the side. Wordlessly, she passed the bag to me. I unzipped the top of the bag and saw what they were. I pulled out a few and saw they varied in thickness. They weren't out of the bag long, before Helen was quickly stuffing them back in.
"How often does someone have to dilate?"
"It depends on how long it's been since their operation. Someone who's had their operation recently might be dilating three times a day, while someone who had their operation a year ago might be dilating once a week or less. If they're having penetrative sex, either by a penis or a sex toy, then that can count as a dilation."
"So what happens if you miss doing the dilation?"
"It all depends how soon after surgery it was. If recently, then it will take a bit more work the next time. Several months after the surgery, nothing much happens, as long as it isn't repeatedly forgotten."
"Thanks Edith."
"Does that answer all your questions?"
"Yes, thank you." I turned to Rachel. "Sorry about asking my question so badly."
"Now run along, and don't forget to talk to Justin."
Once we were away from Rachel's office, Helen said to me, "I hadn't realised that she had to do that every day."
"Nor me."
"I suppose Emma will have to do this when she's had her operation."
"And me, if I do."
Helen stopped and looked at me with surprise. "I didn't think you wanted to."
"I don't, but sometimes it feels inevitable."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 56
Puddings for how many?!
Sunday 15th January 2006
When we'd contacted Justin, he'd suggested that this morning would be a good time to see him. I thought it would just be Helen and me, but shortly after we arrived, Andy and Stacy turned up. I'd seen the serving side of the kitchen before, but this was the first time I'd stepped into its heart. The kitchen staff were busy preparing lunch, and there was a buzz about the place.
"Ah great, you're all here in good time. Now, the most important question I have before I let you all loose; how many are you cooking for? Just for each other, your years, or the whole school?"
I'd not thought of this, and it looked like Helen hadn't either as she looked as surprised as I did. Andy and Stacy didn't look surprised though, but kept quiet.
"It would be nice if we did more than just us," said Helen. "Though I'm worried that we might get into trouble if everyone gets food poisoning."
"Nonsense," bristled Justin. "Nobody gets sick after eating food cooked in my kitchen."
"My attempt at a Christmas Pudding ended in failure," I reminded him.
"You let it curdle and didn't know how to rescue it. If you'd asked for help, then we could have shown you how to save it and delivered something you would have been proud of. Today, you will be under my careful tutelage."
"What about us?" Stacy asked, referring to herself and Andy.
"Hopefully you won't set off the alarms this time. Both you and Andy are competent enough to make your dish without my assistance, but you can ask me questions as you go if you need to."
"Thanks, Chef," they chorused.
"Hey, did you hear that?" he called to the hard working kitchen staff. "A bit of respect."
"Yes, Chef!" they called back jovially and carried on working.
Turning back to us, Justin continued, "I'll tell you what, why don't you make enough for your years, and we'll make up the rest?"
"Does that include you?" one female chef called out.
"Donna, I'll do the Sticky Toffee Puddings if you do the Spotted Dick?" Justin called back. "It isn't often we make deserts like these, so I'm not going to miss out."
I liked the banter in here. I'd seen a few episodes of Hell's Kitchen, and from that I'd thought all chefs swore a lot and were always telling off their staff.
"The first step, since you are going to be handling food, is for you to wash your hands. We want what you make to be as perfect as possible and not include anything nasty that might be on your hands."
Donna actually came across to help Andy and Stacy, which meant that we had Justin all to ourselves. And did we need him! Helen had a slight advantage, as she'd done a little cooking when she'd lived at home, but even so, we found it hard work. It might have been a relatively easy recipe, but we seemed to make a complete dogs breakfast of it. Justin, however, was very calm, and we eventually got it made, and amazingly, on our first batch. At one stage, I thought we might have had to throw it out, but Justin did some magic and whatever we'd done wrong miraculously disappeared.
"That was quite fun," I said, as we put the puddings into the oven dishes.
"It was, wasn't it," said Justin, who grabbed a few more dishes and I filled them
"Can we watch you make the rest?" asked Helen.
"Each of those dishes holds enough for ten people, apart from that larger one which holds twelve."
There were six dishes. Which meant there was more than enough for the entire school, and all the psychiatrists.
"We cooked enough for everyone?" Helen asked, rather surprised. "How?"
"You should have more faith in your abilities. I thought it would be nice for everyone to have the same treat."
"You schemer," laughed Donna from over with Andy and Stacy. "Shocking isn't it, but I think we have a similar situation over here. It seems I forgot to cut down the amount of ingredients when I made up the recipe card."
"But isn't that enough for the entire school for both puddings?"
"Yes, and why not? You've both worked hard on this, and all seem to have had fun. You might play your instruments as a way of relieving stress; I do it in the kitchen. There is nothing better than chopping up a cucumber or grinding some garlic. One thing is for sure, you need some major cooking lessons. But one thing I can guarantee, you won't leave school until I know you can cook a proper meal without assistance."
The Spotted Dick took a lot longer to cook, so they were able to see it go into the oven. Helen's and mine would go in later.
At lunchtime I was quite nervous, and it wasn't helped by Mr Hobson making an announcement.
"Okay, I'm sorry to say that whatever you'd ordered for dessert has been cancelled." A universal groan of sadness erupted from all the pupil's lips. "However, there is some good news. Two students from year-one, and two from year-five have been busy in the kitchen, which is what is going to be served instead. It seems the staff in the kitchen forgot to reduce the amount of ingredients on the recipe cards, so you will all have to suffer two puddings instead of one."
There was a loud cheer, which Mr Hobson let ride. "One final bit of news. Edith Covington extended her stay at the school to help with some issues. They have now been resolved, so she will be leaving on Tuesday. Can we all please show her our appreciation?"
We all stood and gave her a good round of applause.
"Is that where you were this morning?" asked Anna, when we'd sat down. "I wondered why you weren't in church."
"I'm glad it was a surprise for you all. I just hope that we haven't poisoned everyone."
"What did you make?" asked Lewis.
"Sticky Toffee pudding. Andy and Stacy made Spotted Dick."
"But I didn't think you could cook," mentioned Emma rather nervously.
"We were watched very carefully by Justin, and even then we nearly ruined it."
The puddings were a great success. It felt good to have shared what we'd done with everyone and made me start to wonder when we would actually start more practical lessons.
Helen must have been reading my thoughts as she asked Dan, "So when do we start doing cooking lessons?"
"Not for a bit yet. The school normally mixes a bit of something else with the academic. At the moment you have Life Skills. Something else is arranged once you have exhausted that topic."
"That's such an embarrassing lesson," moaned Erika.
"Only if you let it be," responded Dan. "I believe Becky and Keith are quite open as well. Have you seen them blush or say it is embarrassing?"
"No."
"Then how about thinking of it as a challenge." Dan looked around and then said in a hushed voice which we could only just hear. "See if you can be as open and frank as they are, and see if you can make them blush." He gave a wink and returned to his normal volume. "Anyway, what's tomorrow's topic?"
"It was changed this morning to Relationships," said Paula. "It seems this one might run a few lessons."
I grabbed my PDA. I'd seen the lesson update, but had been busy so was going to look later. Paula was correct — relationships. How glad I was that Rachel wasn't seated at our table. Keith however was sitting at the table next to us. Excusing myself, I got up and went across. "Keith, did Rachel ask you to change what we were going to talk about in Life Skills?"
"Yes. She thought you might ask if it was her. She didn't say why, but mentioned it would help you with some issues. Look, if Rachel has asked, it is because she genuinely thinks it is best in an overall subject. If you'd prefer, we could always arrange for you to miss the lesson and have a one-to-one with Rachel on the subject."
"No, I'll be in your lesson. I just don't like being manipulated."
"Nobody is manipulating you. Rachel hasn't asked for anything special to be discussed. Just that the timing might help you and Helen understand something you couldn't explain."
My eyes widened at that. I thought this was going to be about the cross-partner feelings, but it seems it was about my lack of jealousy.
"Oh, that," I said. "Sorry, I thought she was interfering in something else."
"Ah, so you understand then. That's good. Do you feel you could tell me a bit more?"
"No, sorry."
"That's okay. I'll see you tomorrow. I just hope we cover what you need covered. After all, that's what we're here for — to help."
I went back to my seat, rather confused. "I got it wrong," I admitted to Helen. "I thought Rachel was interfering, but it seems she asked for the change because of the question I asked on the way back yesterday."
"Ah. But the other stuff will probably get mentioned, too."
"Yeah, that's true."
I looked back to the others, and saw them looking intently at us. "Later," I said and blushed.
On the way out, Jill dragged me to one side and I could see Helen being swept up by Anna. She was the closest friend I had in our year. "I thought you might want to chat with me, rather than everyone at once."
"Thanks."
"So, is everything okay with you and Helen?"
"Yeah, everything's fine. Rachel is a little more jumpy about us, because our relationship seems to be deeper than normal year ones. I'm sure Rachel has chatted with you and Anna about the same thing."
"Sure, but there is more than that. Is this because of how close you are to Stacy, and Helen is to Andy?"
I can't believe that someone noticed. How humiliating. How could I not have controlled myself? Helen is my love, but why did I have to get so close to Stacy? Why did Helen and Andy have to get so close? Damn those Russians. Actually, that's unfair. We were close before, but more like her being a big sister. How can it have changed so much in so little time?
"David?"
"Yes," I croaked. "Yes."
"Is she angry with you?"
"Who, Helen?"
"No, Rachel."
"Only that we refused to talk about it between the four of us."
She gave a knowing laugh. "That sounds just like her. So were you upset because you thought Rachel had arranged to discuss relationships because of what was happening with the four of you?"
I nodded. "Though it seems the main driver was something I asked on the way back from the train station, not the relationship."
"Oh?"
"No way am I discussing that. Now will you kindly let the rest of the year know that all is okay, without telling them what I told you?"
"Don't worry. Your secret is safe with me. I don't think the others have spotted anything between the four of you. They think it's just a year leader thing, or something to do with the Beta team."
"Some of it is. Now let's go and see if Brian has been given the all clear to leave the hospital."
I'm not sure when Jill or Anna told the others that all was okay, but we didn't seem to get any concerned looks. Well, no more than we usually got.
When we got to see Brian, he was sat up in bed.
"You'll never guess what?"
"What?" we all answered, almost in unison.
"They gave me two puddings. Can you believe that?"
"Wow, aren't you lucky," said Lewis, somehow keeping a straight face. "So if you had two puddings, are they letting you out of here?"
Brian's smile said it all, but he answered, "Yes. I've got to take it easy for the next few weeks, and rest when my body tells me to, but I'm out of here."
We made our way towards our common room, the ten of us crowding the corridor so we could all chat together.
"Don't forget, no swimming or strenuous exercise for now, either," Helen reminded him, as we strolled along. "We were sent instructions to make sure you followed them."
"I know, and I don't care. All I want to do is for us all to have a nice game. Yes, you came to visit as often as you could, but being in the hospital area can get kinda lonely."
"So what game do you want?"
"Something simple, but fun. How about Poleconomy? Five teams."
"I'll get it," yelled Martha and went shooting off to the library before anybody could say anything.
"Are you up to orchestra practice?" I asked, as we went into our year's common-room.
"I think so. I'm sure that Lewis won't let me play too hard. I just want to make sure I know the pieces we are going to play."
"Too right! I won't let you play too hard."
Having Brian out of the school hospital, made our year back to our usual ten. It was almost like a member of family had been away for a week, and now they were back, things were complete. Martha and Erika had quickly become part of the family, but there was still the empty settee as a reminder that Sam and Jessica weren't with us. I wonder if they will still gel with us when they come back for Helen's and my special ceremony.
Monday 16th January 2006
The day started early. Helen and I had a pre-breakfast appointment with Mr Hobson. It was early enough so that hopefully we could meet up with the others in our year at the normal time. If we could manage that, the only bit of our normal routine we would miss was our morning run.
"How are you both doing?" asked Mr Hobson when we were seated.
"Fine thanks," we replied in unison.
"I've had several reports on your wellbeing and all seem to be good." Mr Hobson paused and looked at us. I was wondering if there was something else wrong. I was eventually relieved to hear him continue. "The first thing I'd like to know, would you like to continue in the Beta team?"
It was straight to the point, but not unexpected. Luckily it was something Helen and I had discussed on several occasions. "Yes, sir," I responded.
He looked at Helen. "Yes, I would too," she added.
"Why? Didn't you find what happened in Moscow too frightening? Didn't you both have issues? Do you really want to suffer again?"
Helen and I glanced at each other. "You answer that one," whispered Helen.
"Thanks," I replied sarcastically.
"So?" prompted Mr Hobson, looking at me. He'd obviously heard and I wonder if he had some type of device to enhance any whispers into something audible.
"If we didn't, it would be like giving up. Sometimes the first time you experience something, it is scarier than subsequent times. Also, we weren't fully trained. Before coming to this school, I gave up trying to see Helen. I regretted every moment. In some ways, that was worse than what I went through in Moscow."
Helen gave my hand a squeeze. We both had disappointments and regrets over those missed years.
"Isn't it a totally different thing? You don't have to be in the Beta team."
"Rachel and Edith said the same," said Helen. "Haven't you had some reports from them?"
"Yes, but reports aren't the same as hearing it from you directly. I want to make sure that you understand what you are doing and really want to continue."
He paused and looked pained. "You don't like us doing this, do you?" Helen asked.
"No. Not really. I wasn't happy when the Beta program was created. I am here to look after you all. However, I'm also here to make sure you are able to have the career you want. Emma and Paula are going to be spending some time at the farm next door, since both want to be involved in farm work after they've finished school. Others in your year will also get involved with their future desires when they decide what they want. Some in the world can be cruel about people who are different. So by being more prepared for their careers, they will have an advantage."
We both looked at Mr Hobson in surprise. It was obvious that he didn't like the quandary that he was in. I was also a little surprised at how open he was with us.
He sighed and continued; "Now the harder part. David, would you be willing to take over as Beta One next year? And by implication, Helen would you be willing to be Beta Two? Before you answer, you need to recognise the complications this will cause, as you will be spending a lot of one-to-one time with the existing people in those roles."
I glanced at Helen who gave a slight smile and a nod. "Yes Sir, we are both willing to take on those assignments, and we are both aware of the potential complications. However, we did promise Rachel that if there were any issues, the four of us would talk them through."
Mr Hobson seemed to relax a bit at our response. "Good. Now since your year knows a little about what is going on, then you better inform them that you will be working closely with handover. You won't be missing any lessons, but it might mean you will be away from your year periodically during evenings or weekends. Stacy and Andy will organise things with you both."
We looked at each other. How much work is there in leading the Beta team?
Mr Hobson continued, "Just so the rest of your year doesn't get jealous, there will be special events organised for them and you all when the weather starts to warm up."
He paused and looked us both over. "If you need to, my door is always open. I was concerned when you were going to be invited to join the Beta team when you were just starting school. I was concerned when you insisted you got out in Moscow. And now, I am told you are the best people to be Beta One and Two. You are both only fourteen, which is still very young, and I worry that this will be too much. Rachel's door is always open to you, as is mine and Mr Taylor asked me to pass his contact information to you. Later today, your PDA's will be updated with enhanced security to fit in with your new status."
"Thanks," we mumbled together.
"Now get to your usual gathering with your year."
The meeting hadn't taken as long as expected, and we ended up being the first to our year's common room. We flicked on the television to the morning news and relaxed to find out what was happening in the world.
It didn't take long before the room contained all ten of us. "Okay, we have an update for you all," I started. "This is for you lot only. Understood?"
"Is this Beta stuff?" asked Emma.
"Yeah. Since you already know a lot of what's going on, we are allowed to tell you a bit more. Helen and I have to get some more information and training from Andy and Stacy. This is going to mean some evenings or weekends we might not be around. However, it seems Mr Hobson doesn't want you to miss out on the fun, and so he has some things planned for you, and for all of us."
"Fun trips?" asked Erika.
"He didn't say it would be trips," responded Helen. "He just mentioned special events. However, you know what this place is like. Even if it was a fun trip, you know there would be some learning in there somewhere."
At eleven, when I thought the day couldn't get any more interesting, I turned out to be wrong. As I was waiting for Julia to arrive, my PDA pinged. It wasn't a meeting request, but a note from Stacy asking what time would be best to have the first of our discussions. I sent one back saying I would know more after lunch. I wanted to discuss it with Helen first.
When Julia arrived we got down to it, looking in depth at different security mechanisms. Some I'd come across on different systems, but some were totally new. As we worked, out of nowhere Julia asked, "How is Jill doing today?"
This broke my concentration and I glanced at her. She just saw Jill an hour ago in computer studies, so why is she asking? The way she talked sounds more personal. Is she asking as a parent, and not a teacher?
"No different than when you saw her in our lesson earlier," I responded. "Is there some reason she might not be?"
Julia didn't answer immediately. It was almost as if she hadn't meant to ask the question and was trying to decide what to say. One thing I'd discovered very early on about Julia is that she wasn't a gossip. It must be something important for her to query about Jill.
"Tomorrow could be a very bad day for Jill. Something happened a year ago, not long after her mum died. Would you keep an eye?"
"We always keep an eye out for each other, but I'll keep a closer watch. We knew when it was the anniversary of her mum's death and we kept an eye. She was okay then." I pulled up Jill's published schedule and saw Rachel hadn't scheduled anything special. I did notice, on a few more taps, that Rachel's complete schedule was clear, which was unusual. I wondered if Rachel was expecting something. "Can you tell me more?"
Julia again paused. "It's not my place. I'm just worried. I worried on the anniversary of her mum's death and funeral. Nothing happened either time, and tomorrow probably nothing will happen. It's just I can't help but sometimes be concerned."
As the lesson drew to a close, I asked, "Mr Hobson said something about tightening the security on Helen's and my PDA."
"Yes. I asked Helen to nip across to my office just before lunch. Shut down what you are doing here, and let's get yours done now."
It didn't take long before we were tidy, and we made our way to Julia's office. She docked my PDA in a cradle, and after adjusting her screen so I couldn't see, tapped away at her keyboard. A few minutes later, I was leaving. I looked at my PDA, but apart from a double padlock on the top left corner, I couldn't see anything extra. I knew I was going to do some more research later. As I got near our year-room, I bumped into Helen, who was just heading off to see Julia.
"You're going the wrong way to get your PDA done," Helen said.
"She just did her thing to mine. Oh, and Stacy sent me a request for the first of our chats. I wanted to chat with you first, so I said I'd let her know after lunch."
"Do it tonight, so you get the ball rolling."
"Are you sure you're okay with this?"
"Look, it's just a chat, so don't worry. I'll be spending time with Andy too. Not that it's likely we'll need it, but if we can arrange our meetings for different times so our year can always have a year leader around."
I carried on to the common room, and had some fun with the rest of the year. Jill seemed her usual self, but now I knew about tomorrow I vowed to keep a discreet watch.
* * *
After our evening meal, I headed off for my meeting with Stacy. The location had surprised me. I'd expected some top secret room, like the one in the basement, but we were to meet in the room we had our life skills lesson in.
Stacy was already inside when I arrived. As I sat down, she asked, "So has your relationship segment of Life Skills helped you discover more about your query from Saturday?"
"You mean about me not being jealous? Not yet. Hey, haven't you taken that lesson?"
"Yes, but that was when we were in year two." She smiled as she thought back to when she was younger. "I can't remember everything! Anyway, I don't have a problem about you not being jealous about things. I just said I didn't understand it. Perhaps one day I will, but not yet."
Stacy paused, and I wondered what she was thinking about. I never found out as she gave her head a small shake and continued, "Anyway, today is going to be quite straight forward. In about ten minutes we're going to be joined by Susan. She needs to know that you will be Beta One, and what that means for her as head student. We can go over the handover in more detail next week."
"Why couldn't she have joined the Beta program this year and therefore become the next Beta One?"
"On your PDA and any internal computer you log into, you should see several new categories under the Beta menu. One of them is extended profile information on each student."
I pulled out my PDA, and after providing my thumb print again, was able to get into the secure area. I found Susan's profile and glanced over it.
"I see," I said, closing it down. I was amazed at how much information there was. Just reading Susan's profile made me realise how much trust they were placing in me. It didn't just contain skill information, but also where their stress points. If the data was used badly it could hurt her, but used properly it could help; which I hope was the aim. This was just the student profiles. I wonder what will be in the other menus.
"Indeed."
"Shouldn't Susan have some of this information to help her as head student?"
"The head student has more information than the year leaders. The problem is, over the last few years the Beta One has always been the head student. Over the years the data has merged for simplicity. I'm spending some time splitting things out so she gets what she needs."
We weren't able to discuss more, as Susan arrived. When she saw me, she said, "Am I too early? Do you want me to come back later?"
"You're right on time," said Stacy. "There are a few things that I need to discuss with you and David."
"Oh?" Susan said, taking a seat next to me.
"A situation has arisen which hasn't happened for a few years. Next year the roles of head student and Beta one will be different. Susan, you will be head student, and David has been asked to fill the role as Beta One. In the past there wasn't any issue with that, as long as the two communicate sufficiently."
"So am I just a puppet or a figurehead?" Susan asked, sounding a bit bitter.
"No," replied Stacy, smoothly. "You will be head student and I, along with Mr Hobson, will talk to you about what that means. It's just that sometimes there can be events that might seem to put what you see as your duties and David sees as his, don't agree. How you communicate then will help both of you help the other students. The rest of the time, you should still communicate, but your responsibilities are different enough so you'll not get in each other's way. In a way, I envy you both, as you'll both have someone else to talk to when problems come up; someone that's NOT your partner, and not the staff."
"So you won't be telling me what to do, all the time?" Susan asked me, sounding dubious, but slightly less miffed.
"Heck no. I'm still in year one and learning how to be a year leader. I'll be coming to you to ask for advice if something goes wrong in our year which Helen or I can't handle. Don't forget, I'll only be in year-two, so I'll have my plate full with lessons, keeping things smooth with year-two pupils, as well as the Beta stuff. Where do you think I'm going to have time interfere? The only time I can think I'd 'tell you what to do' is if there was a trip where there was a mission."
"I suppose," Susan sighed. "I was just so looking forward to being head student."
"And you will be."
"Yeah, but it won't be as I imagined it."
"Was the school anything like you imagined it when you were offered a place here?" Stacy asked.
"I suppose not."
"Then why did you think being head student was how you imagined it?"
Susan sat there for a moment, screwing up her nose, which according to her profile, was something she usually did while she was in deep thought. "I didn't think there was any chance of me being in the Beta squad, let alone being in charge of them. Okay Stacy, I presume you've come up with some idea about how this should work. Why don't you explain your plan, and David and I can see how we can work it."
I thought back to the profile I'd read on Susan, and it was spookily spot on.
Stacy explained the roles and the few times there could be a conflict. Susan pitched in and made some valid suggestions about how we could overcome the issues, and ended up involving me in a lot more than I needed to be. Stacy also went into great detail about what had happened in Moscow.
She sat there slightly stunned when I explained that I didn't need or want to be involved in certain decisions. "You really DO want me to be head student," Susan finally uttered.
"I said that earlier," Stacy reminded her.
"I'm glad I'm not involved with the Betas. I don't think I could cope with that level of responsibility."
"Yes you could," said Stacy. "You weren't included in the Beta team only because of your medical condition. You make an excellent year leader and will make an excellent head student."
"You know about that?" Susan gasped, sounding surprised, maybe a bit embarrassed, and perhaps a touch of resentment.
"Yes. Besides you and Kevin, only three students that I know of have that information; me, Andy, and now David. Helen will also know once she knows where to look. David and Helen have access to that information because they will be involved in the decision on who will replace me and Andy."
"I hate people knowing about it. I'm a bit upset that you all know."
I started to apologise, but Stacy retorted, "And what do you think your condition would have been if you'd been a Beta this year and gone out with us in Moscow?"
"I know, but it doesn't mean I like missing out on things because of it."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 57
Will the clouds ever clear for David?
Wednesday 18th January 2006
Tuesday passed without event. Jill had carried on like nothing had happened and Anna hadn't acted any differently. There was nothing on Jill's file that looked like there could be a trigger. The only thing that I didn't understand was a notation of "code 812" tagged against medical. I made a mental note to ask Stacy about it when I spoke with her next.
The hoped for breakthrough in my understand of why I wasn't jealous hadn't occurred, but we hadn't completed the topic, so there was always a chance that today would be when the clouds would clear.
It wasn't to be.
"The last two days we've talked about standard heterosexual relationships and same-sex relationships," said Keith. He was sat down next to his wife Becky. "As we saw, the basics are mostly the same. What other relationships are there?"
"Family?" queried Paula, slightly nervously. "It isn't a sexual relationship, but it still is some type of relationship."
I briefly closed my eyes and sighed. This certainly won't be helping me learn why I'm not jealous.
"Yes it is," responded Keith. "It's great that you're thinking laterally on this. I know this might be hard for you all, but I want to discuss how relationships can change. Martha, let's start with you. You got caught by your parents a few years ago. Can you explain how it affected your relationship with them and with your brother?"
This brought me out of my self-pity. Martha had kept details of her family very much to herself. Some had tried talking to her about it and she had quickly changed the subject.
Martha paused for a moment and when she spoke it seemed rather forced, like she didn't want to say too much. "Well first off, it is my step-mom and half-brother. Mom died giving birth to me. When I was two, my Dad fell in love again and remarried. A year later I had a baby brother. I thought of my step-mom as my real mom. I never knew much different. She was always there for me and was as loving and kind as my dad was. If I fell down, she was the one to give me a cuddle or put on a Band-Aid. My Dad was more of a practical person. I remember him teaching me to ride my bike. He used to always be there every Saturday to take me to softball. My younger brother was a bit of a pain at times, but I love him."
"So, for a long time, you had a pretty good relationship with your parents and brother?" Becky gently asked.
"Yes."
"Did that change when you were caught wearing female clothes?"
I saw Martha swallow as if she was trying to keep her emotions in check. Erika must have known this as she moved as close as she could to Martha and placed a comforting arm around her. "Do you want me to just explain the reaction?" Martha paused and in more of a shaky voice continued, "Or do you want me to say what happened?"
"That's up to you," responded Becky, effectively putting the ball back in Martha's court.
Martha nodded and looked around at us, before turning to Erika and said something quietly.
"We can do better than just me holding you," replied Erika, loudly enough for us to all hear. She slid onto the floor and dragged Martha with her.
It didn't take the rest of us long to move back the settees and join them on the floor. This had been the first time that we'd ever had a group huggle like this, away from our year's common room. We'd talked about many subjects in life facts, but never anything that was so personal.
"I was ten when I was first caught," she took a breath and looked around. She bit her lip slightly and looked towards the floor before continuing. "It was only a few days after I first got my own female clothes. I'd felt like a girl for ages and wanted to put on some female clothes, but I had no chance before then. My Mom was far too tall and her stuff just drowned me when I tried. It took me ages before I saved enough of my allowance so that nobody noticed I wasn't spending anything."
Martha stopped, but didn't look up. The way she spoke made me feel that she wasn't just telling us what happened; it was like she was reliving it.
When Martha didn't appear to continue, Becky gently asked, "How were you caught?"
It made me jump slightly; I'd not seen her join us on the floor. She wasn't in our protective circle, but sat to one side along with Keith. I smiled slightly to see they were holding hands. I'd never seen this type of affection between them before.
"Will you all keep this to yourselves?"
We all agreed and Martha settled slightly and again took us back to the time her parents discovered her secret.
* * *
None of us could speak after Martha had finished. It wasn't that we didn't want to speak; it is that nobody knew what to say. I mean, what could someone say about a situation like that?
Eventually Becky broke the silence. "Martha, do you want to be excused from the rest of today?"
"No," she eventually uttered, trying desperately to control her emotions.
I'd never seen someone as upset as she was right now and I couldn't understand why she would say no.
Rather shakily she continued, "I want to be here ... with my friends. It might help me."
I don't think this was the response Becky and Keith had expected, but since they had given her the choice, they let her stay.
"Okay, that was an example of family relationships being altered due to circumstances. Does anybody else have an example they wish to give, and it doesn't have to be about them."
There was a pause where nobody wanted to volunteer anything. Eventually Emma spoke up. "My sister's relationship changed with us when she got pregnant."
Again there was a glance between Becky and Keith. This one seemed to be a look of worry. I wondered what was going on. They obviously knew something and they didn't look too happy that something might come up.
Keith eventually spoke, "Yes Emma, pregnancy is often a source of change in a relationship; not only with the other parent, but sometimes with the surrounding family. It can heal relationships, as it can bring families closer together. It can also cause issues with families if there are jealousies, or some parents don't think it is advised."
Becky opened her mouth to move the conversation on, but Emma said, "This one split my family. I'd always been close to my sister and she was the first one I told about being TS. Anyway, my parents were always getting at her for dressing like others when she went out. They always said she was showing off too much of her body and that people would think she was a slut. She didn't wear anything different from anybody else her age.
"One night she came home crying. We normally chatted when she was upset, but she just went to her room. I followed her, but she screamed at me to leave her alone. A few weeks later there was an almighty row with our parents, and she moved out. My parents told me she was pregnant and she didn't know who the father was. They refused to see her or the baby. I was the only one that ever went to see her.
"When I got offered the place at Hayfield I almost didn't take it, as I was the only family that Sarah ever saw."
Emma paused while biting her lip, trying to hold back the tears. It was obvious she missed her sister.
She continued, "We often write and I get a picture of Naomi quite often in the letter."
"Was Naomi the person you got that fantastic doll's house for?" asked Helen.
"Yes," smiled Emma, her eyes twinkling from the tears she was holding back.
"Does she still not see her parents?" Brian asked.
"I've only had one letter so far this year. It seems Sarah was persuaded to tell Mum about how she got pregnant and is starting to see a bit more of her."
Becky started, "Thanks Emm-"
"She was raped?" whispered Jill, barely audible.
Emma just gave a small nod and burst into tears. To Anna's bewilderment, Jill leaned across and gently hugged Emma. I saw Jill's mouth move, but couldn't hear what she said. Emma pulled back, looking shocked. In an instant she had stopped crying. I glanced at Becky and Keith, who were watching the unfolding scene, but weren't saying anything.
Emma grabbed an offered tissue and wiped her eyes, she was now in Paula's arms. After a few minutes, she appeared calmer. "Sarah is now seeing a therapist. She has found that speaking about it helped."
There was a knock on the door, but it stayed closed. "That's Rachel," I said, as most of year-one looked at me. We all turned to look at Keith and Becky.
"That was me, "admitted Becky.
"Why?" asked Helen.
"Just in case. That knock was just to let me know she was here, but didn't come in."
"No, it was to announce it to us all," I said. "If she just wanted to let you know, she would have sent you a message on your PDA. You tried to stop Emma talking about her sister, so obviously had a concern about the subject."
Becky scowled, "I think this might be a conversation you want to have with me after this class."
"Yes miss," I responded.
"Okay," said Keith. "We've explored the fact that the family is a different type of relationship and that relationship can change due to different circumstances."
"So why is Rachel here?" Anna asked, echoing the thoughts going through my mind. "She only looks after four of us."
Becky sighed. "Anna I don't-"
"She's here because of me," said Jill. "She's here because last year I was raped."
"You never told me about this," said Anna, her eyes wide in shock. "Is this what you just whispered to Emma?"
Jill nodded.
"Is this the nightmares that you sometimes have?"
Jill nodded again.
"So you told someone else before me?"
"It isn't something I like to remember, let alone talk about," snapped Jill. "It happened and there wasn't any need to worry you about it. What could you have done?"
"I didn't want you to suffer in silence."
"You were there for me. Mum had just died and I'd just moved to Milton Keynes. You were there to comfort and help me."
"Is that why you wouldn't let me too close until just before we came to school?"
Jill burst into tears and we moved to form a circle around Anna and Jill, embracing them both. I looked around expecting Rachel to have come in, but it was still just Becky and Keith.
Jill calmed down a bit and in a strangled voice called, "Keith, do you know about the post rape tests?"
"After a rape, the victim undergoes various tests to make sure they haven't been given any infection. Some diseases take time to show and several tests are repeated over six months."
"And, did you have anything?" Anna asked Jill rather harshly.
"Do you think that if I had HIV or anything that we would have had sex?" retorted Jill.
Anna blushed and elbowed Jill rather firmly. Jill realised what she'd said and quickly apologised.
"I take it this was before you joined the school?" Helen prompted.
"Of course," Jill quickly agreed.
"We wouldn't dream of breaking the school rules," added Anna, still a beetroot colour.
This got some giggles from the others in our year. Keith and Becky just shook their heads.
"At the moment I think you have bigger issues to deal with," said Becky moving a bit closer to us. "Jill you have bottled this issue up and have refused to talk to Rachel about it. You were very brave breaking your silence to help Emma, but now it is known. So what do you want to do about it?"
"What do you mean?"
"Do you want to discuss this with Rachel? I believe she is still waiting outside. Or do you want to talk about it here?"
My heart went out to Jill. It was plainly obvious that Jill didn't want to discuss it, but Becky wasn't giving Jill the option of not discussing it.
"What if Jill doesn't want to discuss it?" I interceded. "This was a highly personal thing."
"You didn't discuss your issue late last year and then you tried to commit suicide," Keith reminded me.
I didn't need reminding of that. "Jill isn't me. She is her own person with her own issues. Not everybody commits suicide because something traumatic happened. It isn't right to compare the two."
"Of course," agreed Keith with a disarming smile. "And nobody can or should force Jill to talk about it."
"So Jill?" asked Anna.
She looked torn and seemed to hate making this decision. Eventually she said, "Rachel."
"Can I come with you?" Anna asked.
Jill nodded.
"Okay, let's call an end to today's class," said Becky, getting off the floor. "We can pick up more in our next class on Relationships. I don't think we've finished yet. I just hope that future lessons aren't so heavy."
When we opened the door, Rachel was waiting. "So?"
"Just me and Jill," said Anna, holding her partners hand. The rest of us stood by the door and watched them disappear, still wondering what had happened in the six months between Jill's mother dying and her joining the school.
Jill and Anna hadn't appeared by the evening meal, and there were mutterings, not just on our table, if all was okay. Mr Hobson obviously had heard the talk and rose before the meal bell rang. The room quickly became quiet.
"I have heard the chatter that Jill and Anna aren't here. There is nothing for you all to worry about and I would ask you to carry on as normal. For the rest of today, anybody that normally sees Rachel should speak with one of the other support staff. My door is as always open to anybody who wishes to talk with me instead."
I smiled as Mr Hobson sat down. Basically he'd told the school that Jill and Anna were having some intensive counselling. There had been no mention of a suicide alert, so it was just one of the things that cropped up that needed dealing with. It wasn't unheard of for students to need longer chats; I'd missed a few meals because of that myself.
Towards the end of the main course, Emma turned to Becky, who was the psychiatrist sitting at our table. "I'm sorry if I caused this. You tried to stop me talking too much about my sister, didn't you?"
"You weren't to know," replied Becky. "And in some ways, it was good for you to get it off your chest."
I'd been thinking that Becky and Keith had deliberately got Jill to talk about her past, but now Emma had mentioned things, I began to reassess the episode.
"For someone so observant, you can be really blind," said Helen, barely loud enough for me to hear.
"Stop reading my mind," I hissed back.
"I'm not. You just got that introspective look on your face that you sometimes get."
"I do?"
Helen just laughed and the others at our table looked at us, wondering what was going on. Thankfully Helen kept it to herself.
After the meal was finished the others started making the way back to the common room. I hung back a moment to have a private word with Becky.
"Yes?" Becky said, looking up.
"I'm sorry if I seemed a bit impertinent earlier about Jill having therapy."
"Perhaps a little more politeness could have been in order, but as a year leader it is part of your responsibilities to stand up for those in your year. You may have let your personal views on therapy influence your argument a bit, but your point was valid to a degree, which Keith acknowledged. However, you only looked at it from one perceptive. The chat with Rachel isn't just for Jill's benefit, but also for Anna. One of the things Rachel will be making sure is that Anna understands what Jill has been through and why Jill kept what happened to herself."
I bit my bottom lip and took a moment to think. "I hadn't thought of that."
"I know. Don't forget that you are only year-one. You have five years of learning at this school. Not just academic work, but other things. If we had thought you had been out of step you would have been told. Now run along."
I didn't get far. Waiting outside the dining room was Stacy. "David, do you have a moment?"
"Of course."
She dragged me into a room. "What's up with Jill and Anna?"
I didn't answer immediately. I didn't want what had happened to Jill spread across the school in gossip. However, on the other hand, Stacy wasn't likely to do that. But mention of rape might upset Stacy. This wasn't a situation where I wasn't to be evasive, but giving a straight answer might not be the right thing either.
"A traumatic part of Jill's past got mentioned in Life Facts. Even though it happened last year, Anna didn't know. They're with Rachel talking about it."
"Are you talking about Jill being raped last year?"
My heart sank and I gazed at her rather worriedly. "It isn't a word you have to dance around with me."
"It wasn't on her file," I mentioned.
"I thought it was." Stacy took out her PDA and pressed a few buttons. "Ah yes. Sorry, I haven't had chance to explain the codes. When something like a rape occurs, the details are put in as a code. Code 812 means that the person was raped and was negative on all tests. There is a list of the codes further into the system."
"I'd not had chance to read too many profiles yet, let alone look at some of the other things. I thought I had a bit more time."
"So tell me what happened in the lesson."
I gave her a brief synopsis, and then explained what was said between Emma and Becky at the meal.
Stacy nodded as I compressed it into a few minutes. "And if you'd known, it wouldn't have stopped it happening, since none of us knew about Emma's sister and we don't have access to the psychiatrist's private files. While you are here, let me show you where the codes file is — there aren't too many of them."
There weren't and it wasn't long before I was on my way back to our year's common-room vowing to go through all the profiles.
* * *
It was Friday before we got to have another Life Fact's lesson. Jill and Anna had a standing meeting with Rachel at 11am, in case they needed it. They took that option on the Thursday but on the Friday they didn't. Their relationship seemed none the worse, and according to Jill when we'd had a quiet word, it seems that most of Wednesday evening had been spent pouring their hearts out to each other. Since Jill hadn't told Anna something important, it seems they both decided to tell each other everything, right down to the ridiculous. I couldn't imagine doing that, but according to Jill it was very cathartic.
"So, welcome to another exciting Life Facts session," started Keith as we all settled down on the settees.
"Yes, let's just hope it isn't as exciting as Wednesday," said Becky. "Today, we will be continuing our look at Relationships. We've seen many different types so far, are there any takers for other types of relationship?"
"You mean there's more?" queries Brian.
"Yes, there are many more. So, any takers?"
Jill looked at me and raised her eyebrows. I gave a small discreet nod.
"How about two couples who seem to be in a mixed relationship? They all know about it, and there doesn't appear to be any issues. The one part that I didn't understand though was that there was no jealousy. How it was described by one of them was they were glad that their partner was happy, no matter if it was with them or with this other person."
"Did you blab to Jill?" hissed Helen, so only I could hear.
"A little. She'd already worked things out. Just before this lesson I filled her in with the rest and asked her to mention it. I didn't think it would get mentioned otherwise."
"I'll let you take this one," said Becky to Keith.
"Ooh, thanks! You always like to give me the more unusual ones! At first I thought this was just a description of an open relationship. However, when Jill mentioned that all parties knew what was going on, and that there was no jealousy, this seems to be describing something we call Polyamory. This is something I don't think we've ever covered in the relationships class before, since it has never been brought up."
It was obvious that Keith was in his element here, and seemed genuinely excited that this had been brought up.
"Okay, here is the lowdown. This is where there are more than two people in a loving relationship. Poly comes from the Greek meaning many and Amor is Latin meaning desire. It isn't to be mistaken with a threesome, or group-sex, this is something different. In fact sex sometimes doesn't come into it at all. Openness is another factor, the parties involved are aware that more than one other person is involved, though they might not be directly involved with the same people. Finally, is compersion, which is the sometimes referred to as the opposite of jealousy. It is not really the lack of jealousy, but rather the happiness that the person they are in a relationship with is happy."
Keith paused while we took it all in. I'd just sat there my mouth slightly ajar with my heart pounding faster than normal. All I knew was it was a relationship that had a name and therefore my feelings weren't unique. It was almost a feeling of euphoria. I glanced at Helen who seemed to have a restrained smile on her face.
"They aren't jealous that their partner is seeing someone else?" Helen asked.
"This goes back to something we discussed very early on in relationships. If you don't trust, then any relationship will eventually fail. If there is too much jealousy, then trust will diminish to the point of relationship failure. There is one thing to keep in mind. Relationships with anybody takes work. Imagine, if you have a relationship with more than one person, it can get even harder. As I mentioned, these relationships might not be sexual."
"So what's an open relationship and how does it differ from this Polywatsit?" Lewis queried.
"Polyamory," corrected Keith. Helen jotted the term down on her PDA. "And a great question! Okay, an open relationship is often for sex. The partner knows and accepts sex might be gained from elsewhere, but love is only something they get from their primary partner. With polyamory, the driver is love. Sex might occur outside their primary partner, but not always."
"Perhaps after we've finished relationships we should discuss the difference between love and sex," said Becky.
"Hush, you will make them think we do this off the cuff," said Keith trying to keep a straight face. "Okay, so to recap, Polyamory is the love of many people. All the people involved know and consent to love being shared. Sex may or may not be involved. Happiness for them doesn't come through just being with their partner, but by their partner being happy."
"That's weird," said Emma.
"To you it might be," said Becky. "But I'm sure that some might say the same about your relationship. Are you really going to judge someone for being in a relationship that you think is weird?"
Ouch, Becky was coming down really hard on poor Emma.
Emma went a nice shade of red. I don't think she'd meant it like that. "No, I'm not going to judge. Perhaps weird was the wrong phrase. I'd never heard of such a thing before and I think I'm going to have to do some more reading up about it. I'm sorry, Jill and Anna, if I offended you."
Anna looked at Jill rather surprised and Jill quickly responded. "It isn't us. I'm very happy in my relationship with Anna. I'd heard about this relationship type and wanted to know more."
I almost owned up that it was me that had asked Jill to ask, but everyone in the room seemed to accept what Jill said, and the lesson moved on to discuss other relationship types. As soon as the lesson ended Helen and I sent a secured message to Stacey and Andy informing them what was said in the lesson.
That night, while lying cuddled with Helen, I contemplated what I'd heard in Life Facts. We weren't the first people to be in such a relationship, and I wasn't the first person in the world not to get jealous. Anyway, was it polyamory? I wasn't really in a relationship with Stacey, we just fancied each other. I thought it was more than a crush, but as Becky had said the other day; I was still young and had a lot to learn.
"What are you thinking about?" mumbled Helen.
"About today's lesson," I replied. "Are we in a polyamorous relationship because we both accept we both like other people, or because Andy and Stacy have said nothing can happen, that it is just a normal relationship?"
Helen paused. "Whatever relationship style we are in, it's normal for us. Anyway, I wouldn't worry too much about labels. I think it will help us understand what we feel a bit more, but why let it guide us?"
"I suppose." I kissed the top of her back above her pyjamas top and settled down knowing that a little more of this complex world had been revealed.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 58
Wednesday, 25th January 2006
All we had been told was that tonight's meal was something a bit special. When I'd made enquiries with the older years, all I got was a smile and told that I was going to experience something different. Eventually, I managed to find that there was no special dress code, but perhaps being smartly dressed would add to the occasion. When I relayed this to the rest of Year-One, groans filled the room.
It was with a bit of trepidation that we made our way, smartly dressed, to the dining room. We weren't the first to arrive, and thank goodness, we weren't the last. Year-Two arrived just after us, and as they settled, I looked over again at their table. There was a gap where Renee normally sat. She'd seemed okay earlier, so sent a message to Dan asking if all was okay.
"Just wait," was the somewhat cryptic response.
Stacy rose, and the room fell silent. I expected an address but instead she recited a poem
Some hae meat and canna eat,
And some wad eat that want it,
But we hae meat and we can eat,
And sae the Lord be thankit.
She sat down as everyone applauded. I looked around our year table, and I wasn't the only one who looked puzzled. The only one who didn't was Anna, and she didn't look too well.
"This is Burns Night," she explained, as if that made sense.
"What's that?" asked Lewis, mirroring my thoughts.
"25th January is the birthdate of a Scottish poet called Robert Burns. Some people celebrate his birthday with a celebration meal and recite some of his poems."
"You seem to know a lot about it," Helen commented.
"Dad dragged us to one last year." As Anna turned towards Rachel, I noticed she was looking a bit pale. "How traditionally does the school do this?"
"There won't be any whiskey served. Though I presume your question is more to do with the main course."
Anna nodded.
"Did you try it last year?"
"Gah," she gagged. "No!"
"It's actually not that bad."
"What is the main course?" enquired Paula.
"Haggis," said Emma, as she put her PDA down.
I didn't hear any more as the serving bell tinged and I went with Helen to retrieve the food.
As always, the kitchen staff were ready when we got there.
"Be careful," said Donna, the sous-chef. "The bowls of soup are rather full. Oh, and the one with the different bowl is for Paula. I'm told she doesn't like leeks."
"Thanks," responded Helen and I together.
"What is the soup?" I enquired.
"Cock-a-Leekie for you all, and a Scotch Broth done without leaks for Paula. Oh, have you worked out what's for the main course?"
"Haggis."
"There are always some in year-one that don't like the sound of it. If any of you don't want it, then we have something else prepared."
We took a trolley each and gently pushed them back to our table. Paula was surprised to see a different dish for her until she found out what it was. The discussion about the Haggis was still raging, and I had to ask what the issue was.
"Sheep's bladder," shuddered Anna.
Yvonne had heard our discussion and came across from the year-three table. "Didn't you hear they spent all yesterday hunting the Haggis in the woods near the shooting range? The Haggis is a fearsome creature when hunted."
Emma burst out laughing. "You can't get me like that," she said to Yvonne.
"You mean there wasn't a Haggis hunt yesterday?" Paula asked, slightly bewildered.
"I should have known it wouldn't have worked on Emma," sighed Yvonne. "Oh, well." Yvonne went back to her table and we were all laughing about it, as we ate our soup.
We didn't have time to clear our empty soup bowls back onto the trolley before the sound of a bagpipe filtered into the room. I smiled to myself, now understanding where Renee was. It didn't take long for Renee to appear from kitchen wearing a kilt. Behind her came Justin, the school's head chef. He was carrying a dish on a silver platter. He had it raised so we could all see it.
"That’s the Haggis," quietly explained Anna to us.
Behind Justin came Victor from year four. I watched as they paraded around the room, all three of them looking very smart in the Scottish attire. Eventually they stopped by our table, and we shifted so they had room for Justin to place the dish on the edge of our table.
I'd not had much dealing with Victor, and hadn't had chance to review past year-three on the student profiles that I now had access to. Renee stopped playing and Victor looked around. A smile lit up his face and he started reciting another poem, but bizarrely, it seemed to be aimed towards the Haggis. His thick Scottish accent made it difficult to follow what he was saying, and while I thought I understood some, it seemed to be intermingled with strange words which I didn't understand.
Suddenly he produced a knife and all of us in year one gasped in shock. Knives like that weren't normally allowed in this school, or probably any school. Before we could get over our shock he proceeded to stab the Haggis. Because of the flourish of his performance, we all settled back in our seats, understanding this was part of the evening's entertainment; though it did take a while for my heart to beat at its normal pace.
"I scared you, didn't I?" Victor asked, after the Haggis had been removed back to the kitchen.
There were lots of nods all around. "Surprised and shocked," I added.
"Yeah, it isn't every day you see a knife like that," added Jill.
"Aye, ain't that so," Victor agreed. "Now I know you've all probably had your PDA's out and been looking up about the Haggis. Please try some, for me." He put on this begging look and we all laughed and stupidly agreed.
When Helen and I went to the kitchen they were rather surprised that we were all asking for the Haggis. "It's great that your year is so adventurous," smiled Donna as she helped load the trollies.
"Hoodwinked is more like it," muttered Helen as she looked at the Haggis with trepidation.
"Remember, don't go by the looks or the smell, but by the taste," called Donna, as we made our way back to our table. I took a sniff at the aroma and wished I'd got a clothes peg for my nose.
"What's that stink?" asked Brian, as we got to the table.
"It isn't a Xandoxan," smiled Rachel as I placed her plate in front of her.
"A what?" we all chorused.
"Never mind, a film I saw when I was a bit younger. The Xandoxan were interstellar hit beasts."
"Which film?" Lewis asked. I pretended to keel over.
"You mean there is a sci-fi film you've not seen?" Helen teased.
Lewis blew a very loud raspberry, which got a warning from everyone at the table.
"I can't remember the film," sighed Rachel. "And no looking it up now, you need to eat your meal."
That bit of banter had been a welcome diversion, and now I was reminded of the food. I finished serving and when I sat down I saw that everyone, besides Rachel, had been picking at the food.
Helen took a sigh and took a taste of the Haggis. I wasn't the only one watching, as she tentatively placed the morsel into her mouth. She didn't say anything, but took a slightly larger piece and slowly placed it in her mouth.
"Helen, stop teasing," I warned her.
"You've got to try it," she responded. "If you don't, I'll eat yours."
That was enough for Lewis, who had been uncharacteristically been holding back. He took a sample and was soon having more. "This is good stuff," he said, his mouth full of food.
"But it smells awful," complained Paula.
"If you put it in your mouth then you won't smell it," teased Lewis.
Paula stuck out her tongue and got a rebuke from Rachel for being rude.
In the end we all tried it and we all ate it up. I suppose this is one of those "don't judge a book by its cover" things. Or in this case, don't judge the taste by its smell.
When we took our empty dishes back we got a knowing smile from the staff. "It was delicious," said Helen as we unloaded the plates. "Thanks."
"Glad you had the guts to try it," said Justin bringing across our deserts. "Not many in year-one tried it last year."
As we brought the trolley through, I heard another poem being recited. This was about the sixth during the meal. None had been given by anybody in our year. When we got to our table, there was a discussion on who would say a poem from our table. Rachel was just sitting back watching and not saying anything. It seemed that since we hadn't been there, they were trying to decide if I should do it or Helen.
"Charming," I muttered, as I placed the bowl rather firmly in front of Jill.
"But you always do any announcements to the rest of the school," said Anna, trying to justify things.
"What about one of you lot trying it then? I have lots of experience."
They glanced at each other, surprised at that turn of events.
"I suppose I've not really been doing my half of the announcements," admitted Helen.
I didn't say anything.
"I do announcements to the orchestra," said Lewis. "I suppose it can't be worse than that. I'll do a poem."
Lewis pulled out his PDA and started looking at different Robert Burns poem's, his pudding unusually untouched. When he stood up to recite it we all put down our spoons to listen. When he finished we were rather warm with our applause; he'd spoken very well.
As we finished out rather tasty pudding, Rachel decided to speak to us all, "A bit of planning for you all. When year-five leave there is normally a five week gap before the new intake start in July. All but one of those weeks is for you to do as you please — a sort of holiday. However, one of the weeks, and which one you have to decide between you, is a time for group study. This isn't anything formal, but a time to find out more about a subject you might not cover in normal classes."
"Do we have to give a report, or a presentation after?" asked Paula.
"No, nothing like that. It is an opportunity we are giving you, nothing more, nothing less. Oh, and if you need to leave the school grounds, then either a member of staff will take you, or if they are available two of the current or past leavers."
"When do we need to let you know?" asked Helen.
"The topic by the end of April. The date a week before you want to start."
"So could we research sunbathing in Spain?" asked Emma, a small grin on her face.
"What do you think?" said Rachel, giving her a meaningful stare.
She didn't get chance to answer as Mr Hobson stood up. "I have a choice for you all for some after dinner entertainment. Would you like to see a historic film about Robert Burns, or would you like to have a Burn's party with lots of awful loud music and dancing. Those that want the school to watch the film shout 'film'." He paused and there wasn't a murmur. "This is very suspicious. Perhaps the haggis made you all lose you voices. Okay, for those that want to have a dance, shout 'dance'."
We all proved rather vocally that we hadn't lost our voices.
"Thank goodness for that. I was beginning to think that the medical wing was going to be working overtime. The party will be in the hall at eight. I think that will give you enough time to get ready."
Everyone looked at the time and the dining room was quickly deserted. There was no way I'd be ready. Heck, I didn't know what I was going to wear. It wasn't until I got to my room and started removing my clothes that I remembered that I wasn't dressing as Jayne. I slowed down a bit; I had plenty of time.
It was quite a relief to find we weren't the first or last to arrive. Brian and Lewis were there before us, which wasn't a total surprise. I thought Helen might have tried to persuade me to dress as Jayne for the dance, but she hadn't. In fact she had been insistent that I wasn't to be. Sometimes I don't understand that girl.
Thursday, 26th January 2006
I still felt tired as I stumbled down towards breakfast. Our curfew had been relaxed and the dancing and partying had gone on far too long. Looking back, most of year two had disappeared in good time, and perhaps we should have done the same. At first our year had kept pretty much to ourselves, but as the evening had progressed we noticed that most of the rest of the school was mingling. It was only a small school, and we did do a few things together, such as orchestra or when we did the Revue. Normal lessons were year based apart from language studies, which were cross-year ever since we'd completed French.
Helen and I were the first ones to get to our year-room, and there wasn't much time before breakfast. We expected others to arrive, but apart from Brian and Lewis, there were no others. When there was only a few minutes before breakfast we did a ring around. The calls were all met with groans.
"Did you have to ring us?" moaned Emma and she arrived. "I was in the middle of a wonderful dream."
"I didn't want any of us getting into trouble for oversleeping," explained Helen. "I checked a few minutes ago, and classes are on as normal."
"You're kidding," added Paula in a similar fashion to her study partner.
We just made it to breakfast and as we walked in we were met with a round of applause. I was quite bewildered at why until we sat down. Mr Hobson, who had joined us at our table, soon explained.
"You are the first complete year-one to make it to breakfast on time after the Burns Night Dance. I know what time you left the dance, so I'm sure you won't be with it most of the day, but that is the consequence of not thinking ahead. At this school you are given a lot more freedom than normal, but use it wisely. You should have realised that today was still a school day!"
"Year three seem fine, and they were there until curfew," frowned Brian.
"That comes with knowing that there was going to be a dance later. They opted for nap yesterday before the evening meal. Also, since they're a bit older, they can cope a bit better with a single night of less sleep."
"We didn't get that chance because we didn't know about the dance before you announced it at the meal. So are lessons really still on?" asked Helen, already knowing the answer.
"Of course. Now I'm not heartless, so a little tip — any special lessons between eleven and lunch have been cancelled, so you all should have an extra hours break. Use it wisely."
Helen pulled out her PDA. She was supposed to be chatting with Andy about her role as beta-two. At first a look of sadness came across her face, but was soon replaced by a look of relief.
Mr Hobson was true to his word and the first two lessons of the day were torture. None of us felt like doing any work, but that didn't stop the teachers droning on. Thankfully we didn't fall asleep, which might have been because the lessons were a lot more interactive than normal. I would hate to have experienced the punishment for falling asleep in lessons.
It was with some relief that we got released a few minutes early from our last morning lesson. We all rushed out, and instead of heading to the year-one room, we all dashed towards our bedrooms.
"I take it your chat with Andy was cancelled?" I enquired. I was already pretty sure of the answer because it was obvious Helen was going to have a nap.
She nodded. "He rearranged for tomorrow. There isn't any rush."
"Time will slip by. I remember someone saying like 'Don't put off doing something today just because it can be done tomorrow, because something new might turn up'."
Helen put her PDA on the bedside table. "What are you saying?"
"If you are feeling less tired after our nap, why don't you rearrange for tonight? Then you can grill him for not warning us about lessons being on today!"
Helen laughed and joined me on the bed. There wasn't much snuggling as we were both soon catching up on last night's missed sleep.
When I woke I felt a bit strange. I hated having a nap during the day, but I suppose if more after curfew events were going to happen because we were in the beta team, it might be something I needed to get used to. Either that or get used to less sleep on occasions. This was one of the downsides that I hadn't thought about when I'd accepted being Beta-one. I made a mental note to ask Stacy about the curfew arrangements for the next year, since year-two still had to be in our bedrooms by ten.
During our afternoon lessons I was a lot more alert than I was during the morning ones. If it wasn't for them being more interactive, then I'm sure one of us would have fallen asleep. It was just as the last lesson was finishing that Helen's and my PDAs pinged, signalling an urgent schedule update. Teachers were good about arranging updates not to occur during other lessons. We fished out our machines and there was an important meeting for all year leaders with Mr Hobson as soon as the lesson ended. The lesson must have been running slightly late, or the message wouldn't have pinged in the middle of the lesson.
"Sorry guys," said Helen to the rest of the year, when the lesson eventually ended. "Mr Hobson has decided to call an urgent year leader meeting."
There were various "Ooh's" that we heard in the distance as they dawdled to our year room. Helen and I though walked quickly towards Mr Hobson's office. We were the last to arrive.
"Excellent," said Mr Hobson as we went into is room. "This will be announced during the meal, but I thought a brief discussion would be advisable. We have just been notified by Ofsted that they will be visiting on Monday and Tuesday next week."
"Oh good," I let out.
Everybody looked at me in surprise and I turned a shade of red. I hadn't meant it to be verbalised.
"I'm glad it'll be over with before our commitment ceremony. I'd had a picture in my mind of them turning up unannounced half way through the event. Sorry if that's a bit self-centred."
"Understandable though," smiled Mr Hobson. "From the student perspective, there shouldn't be much involvement. Ofsted are here to assess the teaching and the school, not the students. While here, they may ask some students some questions about the lessons, but that is about it. Can you all talk with your years and see if there are any volunteers, just in case Ofsted ask for them? They have also got some optional questionnaires that they ask to be filled in. After tonight's meals, can you make sure that everyone in your year gets one?"
He opened his folder and took out five prepared batches which he handed out. He started with Stacy and made his way down the years. When he came to year-one he hesitated, not knowing who to give it to. I leaned across and held out my hand. Just one of the issues he hadn't thought of with having joint heads of the year.
Since I was seated next to Helen we shared as we glanced at the questionnaire. The first part was pretty standard stuff about what we thought of the school. The second part wasn't what I was expecting. It was geared to the boarding bit of school, and what we thought of the rooms, meals and privacy.
"Don't they have a website to do this on?" asked Tim.
"Not yet, though they are talking about it as part of the government drive to put more online. I know you use computers and PDA's for a lot, but I'm sure you haven't forgotten how to use pen and paper!"
We all laughed at that.
Mr Hobson continued, "Now we've got the admin out of the way, is there anything that I don't know about that this inspection might impact, or they impact the inspection?"
I thought hard about it, but couldn't come up with anything happening with year-one. I glanced across at Helen and she shook her head. I was about to respond no when I suddenly had an idea, "The only thing I can think about it Erika and Martha."
Mr Hobson nodded. "That might have been an issue if we hadn't sorted things out properly. Martha and Erika are here legally on a special one year exchange program which we can extend. Anything else?"
None of the other years had anything to report, which pleased Mr Hobson. "Thank you for your time. If anybody does think of anything then please let me know."
As we walked out of Mr Hobson's office, Stacy called Helen and me to one side. "Helen, are you sure you will be okay to talk with Andy tonight?"
"I had a good rest just before lunch," Helen responded. "I'm okay for tonight if he is."
"Excellent, I'll let him know."
When we got into our year room Brian put his hands over his heart like he was in shock. "Is that paper I see?"
"Yes," I responded, not rising to his bait. "It is for after our meal, so no peaking. It gives you a little time to remember where we stored the pens."
"Ha ha." We all knew where it was — in the cupboard just below the television. They weren't used much, but there were times when they were resorted to.
The questionnaires sparked a lot if curiosity, but nobody pressed too much and they were left untouched on the side. It wasn't long before the meal and Mr Hobson made the announcement, including the optional forms.
"Will they come into our lessons?" asked Emma to Becky, our years support person. "I presume you were here when they had their last inspection."
"Yes, I was here when they came three years ago. They might come into a lesson, but probably not for the whole lesson. They will be here to assess how the school does. Some of that is reviewing a lot of paperwork the school produces, results, lesson plans. Ofsted inspections have changed a lot over the last few years. We had someone for the Department of Education check up on us last year."
"What about orchestra practice?" Lewis asked.
"If it is still scheduled for Monday, then it probably is. Music is a big part of the school's output, so I'm sure it won't be left out."
For some reason the thought of having visitors in the school made me think of Sam. Sam would have got very nervous about someone getting that close. Even though we had regular contact it wasn't the same.
"What're you thinking about?" Helen whispered.
"Sam," I said, not a quietly as Helen.
"I miss Sam too. Don't forget both Sam and Jessica will be back for our marriage."
"Affirmation," Becky corrected.
"When is that going to be?" asked Emma.
"Certainly not while Ofsted are here," Helen responded. That got a few laughs.
I wish it was next week.
"But isn't it a while-" started Brian.
"Rachel wants us to wait a bit longer," I interrupted. "Okay?" I couldn't say much more, not out here.
Helen put her hand on my knee. I'd been a bit sharp with Brian, but sometimes I wish some in our year weren't so inquisitive.
Brian looked slightly surprised for a second and then blushed. "Sorry."
"Me too," I responded, with a small smile. "I just wish it was next week."
It was when we were all out year's room that I raised the subject again. "I'm sorry Brian if I stopped you asking earlier."
"It's okay," he responded. "I suppose I was being a bit nosy."
"Perhaps, but I'd like to tell you. It's just I didn't want to say too much there. Helen and I appear to be over our issues from Russia, but Rachel said that sometimes as life progresses that the issues might resurface."
"But why would that stop your ceremony?"
"Because, just like a wedding, it can be stressful, and stress is a more probable trigger. Helen and I will wait a little longer, and if all is okay try and set a date."
Monday 30th January 2006
The school's large imposing wrought iron gates had one major benefit. The Ofsted inspectors couldn't just turn up and see something that we would rather they didn't. As soon as they buzzed at the gate the word spread rapidly through the pupils. They had arrived before breakfast, which seemed to surprise most of us. Perhaps they'd heard how good the meals were and wanted to partake.
There were a few who found excuses to go past the main entrance as they arrived and take a quick peek, but the majority met them for the first time at breakfast. They weren't going to eat, but Mr Hobson thought it was a good time for us to all see the visitors who would be there for the next few days. The inspectors looked slightly bewildered at being shown to the pupils; I found out later that this was very unusual. They then disappeared with Mr Hobson and we could get on with our breakfast in peace. The inspection and the inspectors were the main conversation all the way through the meal.
As it was Monday, our first lesson was Computer Studies. For me this was one of the easiest lessons of the curriculum. I'd seen what was being taught and had already covered it all over the last few years. June's training had been very thorough. So I was quite relaxed as we left breakfast. It wasn't to last.
Stacy was waiting outside the dining room and signalled to me. Her expression was all business and I sighed to myself. It didn't look like it was going to be a conversation I was going to like.
"Hi," I said, trying not to look at her face. "What have I done wrong?"
"Nothing …yet."
"Yet?"
"Just a reminder. We are on show to Ofsted. Yes, they are inspecting the school, but we don't want to give anything away."
In a slightly hurt tone, I accused her, "You want me to be more boyish, don't you?"
Stacy hesitated. "There is another option."
I frowned, wondering what she meant. If this had been a cartoon then a light bulb would have suddenly lit up above my head. "Jayne. Do you prefer me as Jayne?"
She blushed and looked around.
"Truthfully now. Remember what we agreed on the train." I looked up and stared right into her eyes.
She didn't look away, but stared right back. "When you are fully David, you seem so sad. It's like you are doing something your heart isn't in. When you are dressed as Jayne, your heart seems there, but again there is some air of resentment. As you are now, you seem at peace, but only when you aren't bugged about it. When someone mentions it, or refers to you as female, you are the worst there is. It is like the life gets sucked out of you, that you feel defective and shouldn't exist."
"I am defective."
"To me you're not. To me you are perfect the way you are."
"Though nothing can happen," I sighed.
"Correct. Certainly not while we are all at school. After that, who knows. You might find that this was all because of what happened in Moscow, and in a year you don't have the same feelings. Anyway, my suggestion about not appearing at odds with what the inspectors think is just that; a suggestion. It's up to you."
I looked at the time and saw there was still twenty minutes before our first class, so knew the others would be in our common-room. I didn't get much chance to think about what Stacy said before I was there. There wasn't much time before the first lesson, so I decided to stay dressed as I was.
Everyone in the room looked at me as I walked in. Seeing it was me they all went back to what they were doing.
"Are you okay?" asked Helen as I went across the room to cuddle up to her.
"Yes, though I've got a favour to ask."
"Oh?"
"You are used to me, but the inspectors won't be. Therefore I'm going to try to act a bit more masculine for the next few days. If I slip up, will you remind me?"
"Of course," she replied without hesitation. "We're a team and we look out for each other. Are you sure you're okay with this?"
"I think so," I replied honestly. "Anyway, it will be good practice."
It wasn't just Helen who picked me up when I slipped, the whole year helped. Lewis was the most critical, but in a good way. Perhaps critical isn't the right word. Demanding for perfection might be better. He just didn't remind me, but also gave me pointers. Had I forgotten that much since boy lessons?
In the end it was a bit of a let-down. I expected the inspectors would ask lots of questions in the lessons, but they didn't. They watched, observed and wrote lots of notes. They also sat through the orchestra rehearsal on Monday and were very surprised when they discovered that a pupil was also the conductor; yet they didn't say anything, just sat and listened. For once I didn't see a single bit of note taking.
Tuesday 31st January 2006
The second day the same inspectors were back, but we got the warning earlier than expected. It seems they wanted to see for themselves that we were exercising. I half expected to see an inspector on a bike, but if they did, I didn't see one. The lead inspector joined us for our morning year-leader chat. Mr Hobson's office was cramped enough with six pupils, but with the inspector there too there were no spare seats.
"I'll stand," he offered, getting up from the settee and offering it to Susan, who was the last one to arrive.
When we were all settled, Mr Hobson explained what was happening. "Mr Davies is the lead inspector. As part of the introduction yesterday the year leaders were mentioned and he thought it would be good to sit in our morning chat. First off is there any feedback from yesterday or any other issue?" Helen raised her hand. "Helen."
Helen started, "Yesterday we had an inspector sit in most of our lessons. It might be disruptive if they sit in during life skills."
"Don't worry, that was already explained to Mr Davies yesterday. He was shown the lesson plan and agreed that it would not help the lesson for them to observer it. Any one-to-ones with support personnel will also be off limits."
I was glad about the last comment. I didn't want the inspector sitting in on my chat at eleven with Rachel. I couldn't imagine what the Ofsted inspector would think of chatting about what causes me to be sick.
Susan was next with a question. "The paperwork implied that the sleeping wing would be inspected. Since none of us have been contacted, is this going to happen today?"
"This will be raised at breakfast. According to the timetable this is scheduled for eleven. At breakfast we will be asking for volunteers to show their rooms. An application for this will be on the PDA until first lesson starts. The inspectors will choose a few names randomly. Any other questions?"
There weren't any.
"I have one piece of news for you. This morning I've had confirmation of the date for the orchestra demonstration. It will be Wednesday the 15th February. Any other business?"
There weren't and we all departed back to our year rooms. I'd expected the day to be a bit like the day before, but not only were they not in our life-skills class, but they weren't in any others either. Perhaps they were picking on other years.
The next time that I saw an Ofsted inspector was just before our evening meal and then it was just one, the head inspector. We'd all been called into the dining room early to hear what he had to say.
"This is the first time that I've ever done this," he started. "We normally discuss our findings with the school's management team and governors, then leave. However, Mr Hobson asked if I would briefly outline our findings to you all. This was on Monday when we arrived. Initially I refused, but after two days here, I find myself agreeing that for this school it is appropriate. So thank you for all coming early and at short notice.
"I'd like to thank you for all your hospitality and support. The new two day inspections are very hard work on the school, but everything we needed was ready. There were a few times where an inspector was lost, and was quickly guided somewhere by a pupil. We found the lessons a dream to sit in and were amazed at what was being taught. Educationally we could not fault the school.
"However, there was one area where we find room for improvement and that is with some of the boarding arrangements. The inspectors feel there isn't enough opportunity for pupils to leave the school grounds at weekends for a few hours. Growing up isn't just about scholastic education, but learning about the real world. I am aware that the school is remote, but some other remote boarding schools operate a shuttle service to the nearest town.
"That is one small issue which we had to try very hard to find. We were not only very impressed with the standard of education, teaching and facilities, but also the orchestra. You should all be proud at how well you play."
Mr Davies stopped and we all gave him a polite clap. It was quite a relief to see all the inspectors go so that school life could return to normal.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 59
Wednesday 15th February 2006
"We're going to be on the road for just over three hours, so please try to get some rest," announced Mr Hobson as we boarded the two coaches. The cold blast of air had woken me up a bit, but five was far too early to be leaving the school.
You would have thought that Mr Hobson would have learnt that children never like to relax, especially when going somewhere on a coach. There was much joking, laughing and singing. There was no way anybody could continue their sleep even if they wanted to. I was a bit surprised to see Stacy looking totally different from her usual self. She'd dyed her hair, and must have been wearing some subtle makeup which made her face look different. It reminded me of the time Jill had been made-up to look different when we went shopping in Milton Keynes.
The noise of the other traffic died down as we moved from the motorway onto a dual carriage and mostly petered out as we entered the edge of the town. Eventually, we tuned into a school. The area we'd been driving through hadn't looked the nicest area and we'd passed at least two burnt out cars. The school looked like it had received some half-hearted attempt at modernisation, but they'd given up half way through.
I'd been shocked at the quality of Hayfield when I'd first arrived there, and my old school had been pretty nice. If someone went from here to Hayfield I wondered how they would cope with such a drastic change. As we came to a halt in front of the school, a woman came bustling out of the doors and made a beeline for the front coach.
After conferring with her, Mr Hobson came back on and announced, "Again, thanks to the wonderful driving of Graham and Sally, we've arrived in perfect time. The students here are in registration, so what better time for us to get warmed up in their hall. Your instruments should be waiting for you on or by your seat. Please be on your best behaviour, as you are representing the school. Mrs Hampson will show us the way."
None of us wanted to leave the warmth of the coach and venture into the cooler air, however we knew we really didn't have a choice. I just hoped their school hall was warm. As we got off the coach, Sally, the driver of the coach we'd been on, continually wished us luck.
"And good luck keeping the coach safe," Lewis answered back.
"Thanks," Sally laughed. "Looking at this area, I might just need it."
The school hall was nice and warm and there was a raised area which had been set up for the orchestra. As I got near my seat I spied a mini-cannon just behind it. "Andy, that better not stay there!"
"I didn't put it there," he said defending himself. "I'll move it immediately."
When we'd practiced the 1812 Overture, we'd always used an improvised cannon. The only time we'd used a proper cannon was while we were in France. This one looked smaller and was probably an indoor concert cannon, more appropriate for this size of hall. We didn't have long to get warmed up before the first children started to enter, and we fell silent. We were playing for the first two years of the school, which appeared to be over 200 children.
When everyone was seated, Mrs Russell came to the front of us. "My name is Mrs Russell. I'm the music teacher for this orchestra. We're here to play some music and for you to ask some questions. After the first few pieces I'm told we will break into some workshops. Finally, some will get to help and play with us for the last piece."
There was some murmuring of excitement from the audience. Some were obviously looking forward to that special bit at the end.
"Now one of special things about this orchestra is that it only contains pupils at the school. That includes the conductor." Lewis waved. "The leader of the orchestra." Stacy waved. "And even the rebellious members of the percussion." Instead of waving, they played a five second ditty. This got the audience laughing. "So, let me hand over to Lewis, for the first piece."
We played the main Harry Potter theme, which seemed to go down well. After we'd finished, and the applause died down, Mrs Russell said, "There are two instruments that aren't in most pieces. First we have Dan over there on what looks like a piano. Dan, can you play a few bars?" Dan did some from the Harry Potter theme. "Any ideas what this is called?"
A few hands shot up.
"Jessica," called Mrs Clarkston, their school's music teacher.
"A harpsichord?"
"They are very similar, but not quite." A few hands shot up again. There was a girl three rows from the front that looked like she was almost lifting herself off the floor to be noticed. However, Mrs Clarkson chose someone else. "Luke."
"A celesta?"
"Yes, a celesta." She went on to explain the differences.
Mrs Russell took over again. "The other player who played an unusual instrument was Jill. Do you mind coming to the front so the children can see it?"
Jill made her way to the front of the audience and showed her instrument. She even went along the sides so those at the back could get a better look as Mrs Russell described the difference. "Has anybody got an idea what this instrument is called?"
There were no takers. "It is a bit unusual. It is called often referred to by its French name, Cor Anglais. This translates as English Horn. Yet it wasn't created in England and it isn't a horn. It is like a bigger brother to the oboe. Thank you Jill. We will play another two pieces, which are then going to be discussed in your class tomorrow. One word of warning, the next piece gets very loud towards the end. So if you don't like loud noise, then be warned. In fact, we need a volunteer to help with a very special instrument. Are there any takers?"
A few raised their hands. When Andy wheeled the cannon to the side of the stage, the number of hands greatly increased.
"Okay, we'll have Peter Hodgkins," said Mrs Clarkston, choosing a lad from towards the back.
"Andy, please make sure the volume is set low," requested Mrs Russell. "We don't want the police getting called because someone thinks a bomb has gone off."
Peter came up. "Do you read music?" asked Andy.
"No."
"Okay, you see that guy there," said Andy pointing to Dan from year-two. "You fire the cannon only when he indicates you should. Do you want to try now?"
Peter didn't need to be asked twice, and fired the cannon. Someone must have disabled the smoke effects so the smoke detectors didn't cause the sprinklers to go off. The look on Peter's face was so funny. I don't think he was expecting such a realistic sound. His friends, sitting at the back, got a big laugh.
We'd forgotten we were playing in a much smaller room, and therefore we should have reduced the volume. When Peter fired the cannon during the piece, I saw some poor children jump. As we moved into the finale of the 1812, the noise was too much for some at the front, and they covered their ears. In the last few bars I felt the stage vibrating.
Just before we got started with the last piece that we were going to be playing before the break, a man came in. He didn't look too happy. It seems he was the headmaster and he requested we kept the noise down. It had been heard throughout the school. Oops.
We played the theme from The Pirates of the Caribbean without the same volume we used in rehearsal.
"Just before we have a break, Mrs Russell will pull out the names of five lucky people who will play with the orchestra."
A cardboard box appeared and Stacy pulled out five folder pieces of paper, which she past to Lewis to announce.
"Liam Dunston - percussion, Jessica James - flute, Sarah Smith - violin, Luke Poop - French Horn and Sarah French - violin."
Mrs Clarkston then carried on. "If those five can stay behind for a few minutes. After the break, everyone else should go to their classes as per normal, and these talented children will rotate between the classes. You'll have a chance to try the instruments yourselves and get some experience of them close up."
The children scrammed.
Mrs Russell then said to us. "You can leave your instruments here while you too go and get some fresh air. I'd like Andy, Trevor, Stacy, Jayne and Yvonne to meet those you will be helping."
I went forward to hear Luke complaining. "But I didn't put my name down for this."
Internally I cringed. Was this the person who the school had their eye on?
"I didn't either," said one of the girls.
Perhaps mine wasn't the target.
"I wonder if some people put others names in," frowned Mrs Clarkston. "If you two don't want to take part, then I can draw two more."
"I'll take part," said the girl.
Luke looked torn, and sounded reluctant, but decided to go ahead. Mrs Clarkston then introduced each person. The girl who hadn't put in her name was Sarah Smith who was paired with Stacy.
"Now you know who you'll be sitting next to, go and have your break. Meet back here and we will have a mini practice."
I saw Helen hovering by the door and joined her outside. I was surprised she hadn't joined the others from our year, or wasn't chatting with Andy. The pupils from Hayfield were mostly gathered together. We didn't know their school, and to be honest, didn't want to. We were here to give a concert. For some, it was a reminder of a time we wanted to forget.
In some respects the school was just like my old one. There were different categories of children who tended not to mix. Over by the school wall, I spied a few openly smoking. I spotted Luke, talking with some boys that were hanging about near the school entrance, in obvious view of any teacher looking out of the staff room window. I hope that lunch is better than my old school.
I spotted Stacy and Andy on their own and guided Helen towards them. They looked like they were watching Luke.
"Is Luke the target?" I asked when we joined them.
"No. I put his name in, as well as Sarah's, so it wouldn't look suspicious."
I was about to respond, but Mr Hobson came up and said firmly. "Stacy, please come with me, now!"
It wasn't often that I saw Mr Hobson angry, but today he was fuming. I would hate to see how he would have been if we'd been in the privacy of the school.
"What did she do?" I gasped, as Stacy rushed after Mr Hobson.
"You really don't want to know," warned Andy, making no attempt to follow Stacy.
When the break finished, we wandered into the hall. Stacy came in a few minutes later. She wore her normal cheerful smile, but I was unsure how much of that was a mask.
As we practiced Sousa's Liberty Bell March, I got to chat a bit with Luke.
"How long have you been playing the French horn?" I asked, during a few minutes rest.
"A few years. I wanted to play the violin, like my brother used to, but there weren't any spare spaces."
"You're very good," I praised him. "I bet you practice quite often at home."
"Yes, though it's hard. The walls in our house are paper thin. I bet you practice a lot more."
"Probably. Though it helps that we have soundproof bedrooms, quite a few practice rooms, and we have orchestra practice four times a week."
"Four times?" he repeated as big smile appeared on his face.
"Apart from when we have a big concert coming up, then we sometime have daily practice."
"I don't think I could cope with that much. My mouth would drop off."
I laughed. "Yeah, I suppose you get used to it. So is it really bad here? At my old school some kids used to be really badly bullied."
"It was worse the other year before the school got put into special measures*. The CCTV camera's that got put around the school stopped a lot of it. You don't have any bullying at your school?"
"No, not really. Now and again we might get upset with each other, but generally we get on. I think the music brings us together."
"Sounds perfect."
I thought about some of the bad things about the school, such as the no contact rule. I shook my head sadly. "No, it's not perfect." I decided that it would be a better to change the subject. "So, what's lunch like?"
"Awful. Most of us go down the chippy."
"I doubt I'll have that choice," I said sadly, as we both picked up our instruments as our rehearsal continued.
Unfortunately Luke was right. The food was awful. I'd secretly hoped they might have put on a buffet for us, but we'd been told to queue at the refectory. When I got there, the choices weren't brilliant; sausage and chips, pie and chips, pizza and chips. We could have beans with it if we wanted, but when I saw the quality of the beans, it brought back too many memories of the congealed mess my parents attempted to make.
"Didn't you tell Rachel that you sometimes wanted ordinary food?" teased Andy, when he saw my face.
"Yes, but I did mean something edible."
I was surprised when we were joined at by Liam, Luke and Sarah.
"I didn't think you ate at the school," I teased Luke.
"Mrs Clarkston thought it would be nice if we ate with you. She said we might pick up some tips."
"A big tip," Andy started. "Don't explode the cannon near Jayne. She gets a teeny bit upset."
"Too right she did," said Helen. "If she hadn't slapped you, I would have." Luke looked a bit surprised.
"And you're all still talking?"
"Of course," I responded. After all, Luke was playing my instrument, so I thought I should answer. "Andy apologised and we moved on. It's a small school, and the staff tend to encourage us to confront conflicts and sort them out."
"So what music do you play?" enquired Sarah.
"It depends on the concert. We've played modern classical music, and some older ones. We did the 1812 at a concert in Paris, and did Beethoven's ninth as well as The Armed Man by Karl Jenkins in Moscow."
"I've never heard of Karl Jenkins," said Liam.
"He's a living British composer."
"You go abroad?" queried Luke, his eyes opening wide. We nodded. "My parents would never be able to afford that."
"We're playing concerts for the school. The school pays."
"I wish my brother had known about that school," sighed Luke, getting a bit sad. "He was such a great violin player. He would have loved it."
"You make it sound like he's dead," I commented.
"Nah, he was assaulted and a bit later he moved to live with a distant Aunt and Uncle. We all get emails from him now and again, but I've not seen him in five years. I recon he's better off where he is. At least he's living somewhere where gangs don't roam around, stealing cars and burning them just because they've nothing better to do."
"I've got to go," Stacy suddenly said, getting up.
"I'll show you where the girls is," said Sarah.
"I'll come too," I said after seeking Andy's pleading eyes glance in my direction.
Stacy and I followed Sarah. I was glad that when she showed us where the toilets were, she didn't follow us in. Stacy did go into a cubical, and I waited. Nobody came in, and Stacy was ages in the toilet that I started to worry.
"Stacy, you don't have to tell me what's going on. I just want to know you're okay in there."
"I'm fine," she quickly responded.
I pondered on what was going on with Stacy. It wasn't like her to be like this. The jigsaw started to piece together. The disguise, Mr Hobson not being happy after the names were called. What had been said at lunch. It all started to make sense. I'm sure if this had been a cartoon, there would be a light bulb flashing above my head.
"Look, you didn't choose to visit this school, did you?"
"No."
"Then you can't blame yourself. Heck, I don't think anybody has recognised you. Not even Luke."
The toilet flushed and Stacy came out. "You know?"
"A lucky guess. What I want to know though is why did Mr Hobson choose to come here, knowing what happened?"
"He didn't organise this. Mr Hobson wanted me to be ill today. I was the one who insisted on coming."
"Do you regret coming?"
"Perhaps a bit. I thought I'd have coped better than I did. I wanted to kill a few demons I still have about this place. Anyway, we better get back."
I wanted to talk more, but it was obvious that Stacy didn't want to discuss it further.
When we got back to the table, Liam, Luke and Sarah had gone. Stacy seemed to relax a bit more and was able to eat. After we finished consuming all we could of what the kitchen staff referred to as food, Stacy got up. "I'm going for a walk."
"Don't do it," pleaded Andy, standing and trying to stop Stacy by blocking her path. "I know it's tempting, but it might make things worse."
"Well, come with me then."
Helen looked puzzled about what was being said. I might have known that Stacy used to come here, but had no idea about what Stacy and Andy were now talking about.
"Look, you know what Rachel said on the subject. If you really want to, I'll come with you after the concert."
"You aren't going to leave the school grounds, are you?" I asked, not liking the sound of what was being talked about.
"Don't worry, Stacy doesn't have that much of a death wish," reassured Andy.
"Okay, I'll wait, but I'm not leaving the school until we've visited," said Stacy with determination.
We'd all finished so took our trays and placed them on a moving belt which I presumed took the dirty plates to be washed. Helen and I went outside, while Stacy and Andy went into the hall.
"What's going on?" Helen asked.
"Stacy used to come to this school. Luke is her brother."
"Oh. What's Luke like?"
"He seems a nice lad, he-" I stopped. Suddenly something Luke had said earlier made an awful sense.
"What?"
I shook my head. I didn't know for sure, and I didn't want let Helen know my guess, just in case I was wrong.
"Jayne," Helen whined.
"I don't want to say, just in case I'm wrong."
"I won't say anything."
I screwed up my nose and eventually gave a reluctant sigh. "Luke said his brother was assaulted at the school and Stacy said she wanted to kill a few demons. Do you think this is where she was raped?"
"Oh God!"
I nodded. This school was the type of school that finished education at sixteen. If anybody was lucky enough to get good enough grades to continue until they were eighteen then they would study at college, rather than continue at the school. Therefore if it was someone in Stacy's year that raped her, then they would have long been gone.
"I might be wrong, but you did ask."
"I won't say anything," she promised.
When we went into the hall though, neither of us was able to look at Stacy. I thought we got away with it, but Andy squeezed between the percussion and came to see me. "You've worked it out, haven't you?"
"A guess. I might be wrong and we are talking cross purposes."
"Knowing you, I doubt it."
Just behind the percussion I spied a network point. I dug into my handbag and pulled out a small network stick. "Andy, there is a network point just behind you, can you stick this in?"
"What are you doing?" he asked. I just shook my head. He shrugged and did as I asked. The range of the wireless signal it gave off was small, but it was enough for me to get onto the school network on my PDA. It took a bit of finding, but I was soon online with the school CCTV. It looked like all the cameras downloaded the images to a Windows box. I suppose that this was only a school system, but whoever put it in hadn't any idea about basic security.
Mrs Russell appeared and called us all to order, which was just in time because our audience started filtering in. I thought it would have been the same people as earlier, but as the pupils streamed in there seemed to be a lot more. The head teacher appeared and approached Mrs Russell. They didn't chat for long, before our Music teacher turned to us. "It seems our playing has been very popular, so a slight change of plan. We will be playing to the whole school. Since it would be logistically hard, we will do the last piece without the planned break."
We'd played to thousands, so playing to a whole school didn't really intimidate us. We were going to be playing anyway, so it didn't really matter if there were two hundred or a thousand. One thing that was obvious was that the pupils were squashed in. I hope it didn't affect their enjoyment.
The headmaster came to the front and quietened the school down, though there were still mutterings in the background. "As you all heard this morning, we have an orchestra visiting us for the day. They are here to demonstrate to the youngest years, but I thought it was an opportunity for the rest of the years to hear a school orchestra and may be you can all learn something from it. I'll now hand things over to Mrs Russell, who is head of their music department."
Mrs Russell reintroduced the school orchestra, mentioning that we were all pupils at the school, even the conductor.
"I know that the upper years are just here to listen to us play, but please bear with us as we need to cover certain things with the lower two years. First, the next piece of music has two soloists. First we have Susan. Any takers for what instrument she is playing?"
Susan stood up and raised her instrument a bit. Quite a few hands went up and the person selected guessed it right.
"Well done," smiled Mrs Russell. "Next we have Jill on her special instrument. Since some of the upper years might not have seen it, can you go down the side of the room?"
Jill did as asked, but most of the upper years didn't seem to care.
"Does anybody remember what that instrument was called?" Mrs Russell asked, as Jill made her way back to the orchestra.
A few hands shot up. The girl that got picked gave the right answer. I was surprised that any had actually paid attention.
"We are going to play The William Tell Overture. The beginning of this piece is very slow and sedate. Please keep quiet so the people at the back can hear. As it progresses, the tune changes slightly and might be something some may recognise."
Lewis came up to the podium and gently started us off. The sound of Susan's cello filtered through the hall. I sat there with my French horn on Luke's seat next to me. I wasn't needed for quite a while yet, but when I was, I knew it was going to be a lip killer. I was quite surprised that the pupils were quiet, but when the famous bit started there was a slight perk up from some who probably had found it a bit dreary. I'm sure most of them would have preferred to be in a pop concert than classical.
The next two pieces were shorter and more popular. I'm not sure if that's why they seemed to get more applause than the William Tell. I would have thought that the Lone Ranger music would have got them going. There had been a bit of disruption from a group of lads at one stage, but that was quickly dealt with. Even though we'd toned down the type of music we normally played, it was still too alien for some.
At last it was time for the final tune. This was where the five people picked out earlier were going to join us. The original plan was to have a break at this point, but this would have been hard with so many in the hall. The five guest players hadn't had long to practice the piece, but it was hoped that playing with us would encourage them.
"Are you ready?" I murmured to Luke, as I turned my French horn to drain excess fluid.
"No."
I smiled as I recalled my first Hayfield concert. "I remember the first time I played in front of an audience with this orchestra. Just try and enjoy it and go with the flow."
"Yeah, but did you get to see your audience the next day?"
I saw what he meant and gently shook my head. With my instrument ready, I sat up straight and looked at Lewis. Luke cottoned on quickly and followed my example.
Lewis looked around and when he saw that everybody was ready he lifted his baton. The music wasn't difficult for me and knowing the melody helped some of the guest players. It didn't help Luke much as we didn't have the main tune.
As Lewis dropped his baton at the end the applause was deafening. I looked across at Luke and saw the look in his eyes and knew he would strive to play again.
"Wow," escaped his lips. I just smiled.
Lewis turned to the audience and asked, "Please, will you all stand?"
The teachers at the school we were visiting seemed surprised, but gradually everyone complied. Mrs Russell had a knowing smile on her face and seemed to be nodding slightly with approval. Lewis turned back to us and pointed to Andy who started the drum roll.
Luke hissed, "Where's the music?"
"This is one piece we all know off by heart," I quietly explained.
The drum roll faded and Lewis brought the rest of us in for the national anthem. Luke obviously didn't know the music, so just sat there trying his best not to be seen.
We only did the one verse, and there was no singing. When we finished there was a stunned silence.
The headmaster made his way to the front and got everyone to sit down. "I'd like to thank our guests for not only helping us with our educational requirements, but also entertaining us. Can we please again show our appreciation."
There was a healthy applause which brought a smile to my face. For some reason I'd expected a half-hearted applause, but we got more than expected. Perhaps they appreciated that they weren't in normal lessons.
The headmaster said some final words and sent his pupils back to lessons. The orchestra stayed where we were until they had left.
"That was really great," said Luke.
"You played very well. Why didn't you put your name forward?"
"Because I don't want what happened to my brother to happen to me."
There wasn't much I could say about that. What was obvious was that he might pretend not to like playing, but he must practice in order to have played as well as he had.
Mrs Russell turned to the five guests and told them they had played well and Mrs Clarkston nodded and told them to get to their class. I watched as Luke, hunched slightly, walked out of the hall. I glanced at Stacy who also was watching Luke.
Mr Hobson came to the front. "If everyone can put their instruments away and leave them on or by your chair then they will be collected. The coach will be leaving in twenty minutes, so you all have chance to use the toilets before we set off."
Things didn't take long to put away and I noticed that Stacy slipped out of the back door behind the stage, with Andy in tow. I thought about following, but realised that it might not be advisable. Andy was there and in some ways it would be like intruding. I hooked into the CCTV and instigated a reboot with a disk check. It was crude, but it meant there would be no recording while Stacy and Andy would be in an area they shouldn't have been. I sent a message to Andy's PDA telling him that CCTV was down and collected my discreet wireless network point.
The queue for the toilet wasn't too long and we were all soon boarding the coaches which amazingly seemed to be fully intact and hadn't been burnt out or had their tyres stolen. Andy and Stacey were the last to get on the coach and it didn't look like either had been crying, but they were both good at not showing their emotions.
I'd hoped we might get chance to talk to Stacy if needed, but they sat with the rest of their year. Andy must have seen the look of concern on my face because it wasn't long after they had sat down that I got a message. Stacy was going to see Rachel as soon as they got back to school.
---
* Special Measures — If the school inspectors, Ofsted (Office for Standards in Education), find the school is not providing an acceptable level of education and they don't think the current school leadership can turn the school around the school is placed in "Special Measures". The head and the senior leadership team can, and often are, replaced. Instead of the school being inspected every three years, they will be inspected several times a year to make sure they are improving. If the school doesn't improve it can be closed.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 60
An opportunity for David to experiment
Saturday, 18th February 2006
It was a nice lazy Saturday with only a few bits of homework to do before Monday. We'd just finished lunch, and were making our way back towards our year's common room when I heard my name being called.
"You lot go on," I said to the others, and turned toward Andy.
"Are you still up for a bit of experimentation?" he asked, as the others disappeared.
"You're not going to dress me up in a chicken costume, are you?" I said half joking, and half afraid that Andy might get carried away.
"I'd not thought of that one," he chuckled. "However, I thought we would start more sedately. Actually the adventure that has come our way will also enhance your education for future employment."
My heartbeat started to increase when he mentioned future employment. "So what's happening?"
"I'll explain the full details later, rather than when we're in the middle of the entrance hall. However, tomorrow evening you need to be a rather sophisticated young lady of the upper social class."
"Sorry?" Before coming to this school I'd not had much experience in life.
Andy dragged me into the parlour room. "Tomorrow night we are going into London. For this trip, we will be a disguised as a wealthy young couple, in their early twenties. Since you aren't used to going to mixing like this, it would be easier for me to lead you if I go as Andy and you as Jayne."
"What about Helen, shouldn't she be learning things like this too?"
"Stacy will be doing something with Helen another day. Don't forget that a lot of this is about you finding out what type of person you are. We'll do another social event like tomorrows where you'll go as David, and I'll go as Brenda. We'll also experiment with other scenarios, but this opportunity came along, and Mr Hobson thought it would be good for us both."
"With the beta handover, you've been seeing a lot of Stacy, and I've been seeing a lot of Helen. Mr Hobson thinks that events like this give us a chance to get to better know the person our partner's been spending so much time with. Besides, it'll be fun. "
"Does Rachel agree?"
Andy laughed a bit. "Rachel has her concerns, but not enough for her to intervene."
"Well if we're going out tomorrow, then I'll need to get my hair done. I hope I can find a dress that's right for the occasion. What type of outfit do I need?"
"I'll be wearing a tux. You will need a formal dress."
"You mean like I wore in the concert the school gave before going to France?"
"Sort of. Think slightly more upmarket."
He pulled out his PDA and after a few minutes pulled up some examples. I gulped as my mind went into overdrive. "I'll need help with makeup. I'm getting better, but I doubt I can make myself look that much older. I know I can look like that, as Sasha has done me like that when she was showing me what could be done."
"You're doing great with it. If you really think you need some help, Sasha is in today and tomorrow."
"I better change, so I can get back into being Jayne; I'd hate to give myself away. It sounds like Jayne will be back until late Sunday."
"You better make that early Monday. Are you okay being female for a few days?"
"I think so. I'm sure you'll be one of the first to know if I have any issues."
* * *
I sent Helen a message saying I'd be a bit longer, before sending a message to the salon. I wanted being back as Jayne to be a surprise for my darling. It didn't take long to get changed, but doing my hair was a pain to look right. I really needed to see if I could get a cut that was easier to transform.
When I walked into the common room, they all looked round. Helen gave an almighty squeal of delight and pounced.
"So what's happening?" asked Emma, always wanting to know the details.
"As I've told you all before, one of the issues I have is that I don't know who I am. I'm never really happy as Jayne, or David. Andy offered to experiment and have me in different situations where I could experience life differently. It seems tomorrow is my first experiment. I got changed now so I could get used to being Jayne again."
"So what's he doing to you?" asked Helen.
"Are you going to be a tart?" laughed Martha, reminding me of the Christmas trip to Milton Keynes.
"Not this time, and don't you dare mention that to Andy. I'm sure he would think it a worthy experiment and I'd then end up arrested for standing on the street corner. Seems I'm going somewhere tomorrow evening dressed as a wealthy young woman in her early twenties."
"Sounds fun," said Brian, sarcastically.
I pulled out my PDA and after a lot of clicking I managed to pull up an example outfit to show them. It wasn't as good as the one that Andy had shown me, but it was the best I could find.
"I'm slightly jealous," said Paula. "Going out dressed like that."
"I'm sure you will all get to go out for things. You know Mr Hobson mentioned that we will all be going out in a few months to further our personal skills."
"Yeah, but I won't be wearing an exquisite dress."
"Would you like to swap then? Don't forget I'll be having other trips with Andy as I try to find myself, and some will be male."
"I know Mix up Mondays can be fun, but I'd rather avoid going out in male mode," stated Paula.
"You don't know what you're missing," joked Lewis, which resulted in a cushion landing on his head, courtesy of Emma.
"Are you ready for this?" asked Jill.
"Yeah, I think so. I need to find out more about myself. I'm deliberately telling you all what I'm doing, so you can keep an eye on me. I'm sure that the support staff will also be watching me more." I took a breath, glad to get that out. "You know, the worst thing about tomorrow's trip, besides being away from Helen, will be missing orchestra practice."
For most of the afternoon Anna had seemed lost in thought. I noticed Jill trying to talk with her, but Anna didn't seem to respond. When we went for our evening meal I had an opportunity to ask her quietly if she was okay.
"Yeah, just been thinking a lot." She gave me a weak smile as she looked like she'd come to a decision. "When you go up to bed, can I come and see you and Helen?"
"Sure. Will Jill be joining us?" At her quizzical look, I continued, "You seem to have neglected her from your thoughts."
She looked at me blankly, and then her expression changed to one of realisation. "I have, haven't I? I'll try to involve her more."
"Hey, I'm not having a go. Heck, look at me the other month, not talking about my issues with anybody. Just if there is an issue, who's better for you to talk to than Jill?"
"I know, and I'll talk with her after we've eaten, but I'd still like to talk with you tonight."
After the meal, it was time for my advanced makeup lesson. The salon was always busy on the weekend with people having their hair done or other beauty treatments.
By this time in the school year, most people who wanted to learn makeup had learnt what they wanted to know. The only time that anybody needed to be made up was for special occasions and from how Andy had described tomorrow's trip, it sounded special.
"Hi Jayne," greeted Sasha as I walked in. There was only one "customer" who appeared to have just had their hair done and was just leaving. Everything looked a lot calmer than at a weekend. "You mentioned you wanted to learn some special makeup techniques. I also see you want your hair styled tomorrow just after lunch. So what can I do for you?"
"I've been chosen to accompany Andy to somewhere tomorrow evening. He's not told me where, but he mentioned it would be good if I looked in my early twenties. I thought it would be good to learn how to do something like that myself."
She nodded. "Have you decided what you're going to wear?"
"Not yet. I was going to have a look at the expensive section in my wardrobe tonight. He said it was formal, and to wear something like a gown."
"I see. That sounds sophisticated as well as older. I'll give you your lesson, but since some of the techniques take a lot of practice, I'd suggest that I do your makeup after you've had your hair done tomorrow. If your send me a picture of the dress, then I'll make sure everything matches. Other than hair and makeup, there are a few other things that will help you, but they will have more of an impact after. For instance, the fashion for women is to have slightly thinner and arched eyebrows. The downside is they will take a while to grow back to your current state. If you plan on being David again on Monday, then it might look a bit odd."
Odd I wasn't too worried about. I was sure it wouldn't be the first time that it happened at this school, and nobody seemed to mind. "Do you need to do it today?"
"It would mean that any redness from the waxing would be gone by tomorrow."
"Can you thin them out a bit, so they look a bit more feminine, but not that pencil thin style?"
"Of course." Almost as an afterthought she asked, "While we are waxing, do your legs and arms need doing?"
All these things I should have thought off. Heck, I'd had a good waxing before the trip to Moscow, but that was months ago. I tried to think if my legs were hairy, but couldn't remember. "Probably."
"Do you want to show your friends how you look after your lesson, or do you want to wipe it off after?"
I'd not thought of that and paused to think. I smiled a bit remembering Helen's face the last time I got a makeover. "I think Helen might appreciate it."
Sasha laughed at that. "Your curfew is ten, isn't it?"
"Yes."
"I'm here until ten; so come and see me before bed and I'll do your brows then. It isn't good to get makeup on freshly waxed areas. For now, let's go to waxing room two, and get your legs and arms done."
There wasn't much there, but I still heard the horrid ripping sound which made me want to shudder. At least the makeup was less physically painful. I wasn't much of an artist, but I found the idea of disguises intriguing and concentrated hard on Sasha's prompting. When the lesson was finished I looked a lot older than normal.
"You don't have a big stick, do you?" I enquired, giving a slight shudder.
"Why?"
"Because I'll need something to keep Helen off me," I said, trying to keep a straight face.
Sasha just laughed and pushed me out the door. "Don't forget to see me later," she called after me.
When I got to our year room, Helen was astonished to see me and her eyes grew wide in hunger.
"Down girl," laughed Erika as Helen scooped me into her arms.
"Yeah, making out in the common room isn't allowed," added Brian.
"Where's all your fun?" complained Helen to Brian, when she'd stopped kissing me.
They'd been playing some sort of quiz against year two. The questions were shown on the screen, with multiple choice answers, and we all voted on our PDA's. The year with the most correct answers won. With me back, we now had a two person advantage, though they had a knowledge advantage, so it was about even.
At twenty past nine my PDA chimed. "I need to go get my eyebrows slightly waxed," I informed them.
"Are you planning on staying Jayne for longer?" asked Emma.
"Sasha said they aren't going to be waxed that much. The certainly aren't going to be like yours." I turned to Helen, "I'll meet you in our room."
By the time I'd removed my makeup, got my brows done and got to our rooms, Helen was there with Jill and Anna. They were just sitting down and looked like they'd just got there. I placed the box I'd been given by Sasha onto the side. She'd been so mysterious about it and had advised me to wait to open it when I was alone with Helen.
Helen rushed across to see me and gave me a big kiss. It was strange, but it was something we always did when one of us got to our bedrooms before the other. It was like a welcome home. I coughed and indicated Jill and Anna. Helen blushed a bit and we joined them. I was just glad that Helen wasn't upset that my makeup was gone.
"You asked to see us?" Helen started when we were all seated. Helen and I were on my bed, while Anna and Jill sat on the settee.
"Is it safe to talk in here about what happened in Russia?"
I took my PDA, pressed a few buttons and walked slowly through Helen's room and mine.
"Yep, all clear."
Jill looked shocked. "Your PDA has a bug sweeper on it?"
I sat back next to Helen. "Yes. It was updated after the Russia trip. Since there is a leak somewhere at the school, we need to be able to make sure things are clear so we can talk. So, what do you want to discuss?"
"I mentioned it when we came back from Russia, but it got put to one side. How do you join the beta team?"
"I'll let you deal with that one," Helen told to me.
"Thanks," I muttered, and paused while I gathered my thoughts. "As you know, there are six members in the beta team. Two will leave this school year and will be replaced. Who replaces them hasn't been decided."
"Who decides?"
"I really should get Stacy here to discuss this. She is head of the betas."
"Not yet," quickly responded Anna. "I just wanted to know and I'm sure you would tell her afterwards anyway. So, who decides?"
I sighed and decided to continue for now. "The new additions could be from existing years or from those who will be joining the school. They are evaluated and reports are discussed in July. Those who look at it include the existing beta people, including those that are leaving, and ... a few others."
"Nicely put," teased Helen.
"I thought so," I agreed.
"So a seventh couldn't join?"
"You might have noticed that all beta members are teamed up with their study partners. So it would be eight, not seven."
Jill's eyes lit up.
"Anna, you didn't discuss this properly with Jill, did you?"
"I suppose not. Sorry Jill. I take it that you would like it too?"
"Yes, but I worry if we would have anything to contribute."
"Extra skills can be learnt. For example, what skills do you think we all have?"
"I suppose you're a computer expert," thought Jill aloud.
"Duh!" I responded. "What about Helen?"
"No idea," responded Jill and Anna.
Helen looked embarrassed, but at my stare said, "I'm the security systems person. I'm not bad at picking locks and some door entry systems. I'm supposed to be working on alarm systems soon."
Jill and Anna looked a bit surprised.
"So you see; it wasn't something she learnt at school. When you started at Hayfield you were both given tasks of learning research skills. Think how this could be expanded to go from pure research into something more."
"Also think about what happened in Moscow," Helen added. "Could you live with seeing someone you care so much about nearly being killed?"
"Or them being missing, not knowing where they are?" I said, piling on the pressure. "And that isn't the worst. Imagine how one of us would have been if the other had been killed." I paused and looked at Jill. "Remember how worried you were when Julia was missing? How would you have reacted if it had been Anna?"
"I don't know," Jill answered honestly. "How did you cope?"
"We nearly didn't," Helen responded. "I had a little breakdown about it when we got back here. It took a lot of talking about it to get me back on track. You could ask the same about other dangerous jobs. Soldiers risk their lives when they go into battle. Fire-fighters risk their lives when they go into a burning building. What about those nutty people who fly aeroplanes into hurricanes. There are lots of jobs where people risk their lives, but they put their trust into others to help them keep things as safe as possible. In the case of what we want to do when older, there is a good deal of planning that takes place before any mission. You have to put the trust into people that all the details are correct and that cuts down the risk. However, like in Russia, things can go wrong."
"Have a think about it and discuss it between yourselves. Decide what you can live with. The one thing that will help is talking and trust. Helen and I have had to do that a great deal. If you still want your name put forward then say so, and I'll pass your request to the relevant people. However, just because you have requested it, doesn't mean that it will happen."
"Okay, thanks for being open about things."
Once Jill and Anna had gone, Helen pouted, "You've taken off your makeup."
"I thought you'd noticed when I came in. Anyway, I'm not going to sleep with it on."
"I know, it's just I wanted to see you again looking so delicious."
"You'll get the chance before Andy whisks me away. You'll have the full effect of me in a nice dress with my hair done."
Helen gulped and looked excited. I could tell she didn't have sleep on her mind.
"Helen, if we do that we'll be in big trouble. I don't want us to sleep apart like last time."
"Nor do I! So what's in the box you brought up?"
"Sasha said to open it when it was just the two of us. Do you want to open it?"
"Nah, you do it."
I wondered if something would jump out at me, like a jack-in-the-box, so I tentatively opened it. Nothing jumped out, but I gave a small jump when I saw what was inside.
"Why?" I complained, sitting hard onto the bed.
"There's a note," pointed out Helen.
I gently removed the note, trying not to touch what was inside, just in case I'd get poisoned. Helen laughed a bit at my antics.
I read it aloud. "Hi Jayne. Since you are portraying someone in their early twenties, I thought a fuller bust line would help. They should be the right size for you. A selection of bras to match that size should be delivered to your room during breakfast tomorrow. Sasha."
An impish smile spread over Helen's face, and a hand darted down my top.
"No," I shrieked.
Helen didn't listen and tried to remove one of my existing breast forms. "They're attached," I fumed, removing her hand. "And that hurt."
"Sorry," said Helen, looking upset. "I didn't mean to hurt you."
"I know. I know. "
Helen blushed. "I just wanted to see if they fitted correctly."
I wrapped my arms around her. "Helen, it's okay. I think it's nice you have fantasies over me."
"Really?"
"Yes, remember that under all this fakery, I'm still David.
"You are you. To me you are still the same person when dressed as David or Jayne. It took my mini breakdown to realise that. I am expecting you to be back as David on Monday."
* * *
Getting ready to go out took longer than I thought, so it was a good job I'd left plenty of time. After I'd been transformed in the salon, it was my turn to get ready. I kept looking at myself in the mirror as I donned the dress. It wasn't low cut, as the fake breasts might look odd. However, along with the hairstyle, makeup and some jewellery I found hidden in my wardrobe, it made me look very sophisticated. I did look young, rich and in control.
My PDA ringing brought me to my senses. "Are you ready?" asked Andy.
"Nearly. Are you going to wait for me in the entrance hall, or are you going to be a gentleman and fetch me?"
He laughed. "I'm on my way."
It didn't take him long before there was a knock on my door. As I opened the door, he saw me for the first time.
"Wow, you look wonderful. No wonder you told Helen to wait downstairs."
Andy looked very handsome in a formal tux and looked older than he was without looking like he was wearing makeup. We went the long way round, so we went into the main part of the school on the first floor. That way we went into the entrance hall via the main stairs. Stacy and all of year-one were standing in reception. Helen had this big grin on her face and made like she was going to rush towards me, but was held back by Anna and Jill.
I held onto Andy's arm as we slowly made our way down the stairs, trying to mimic what I'd seen on the movies.
Mr Hobson must have heard we were coming down, as he appeared with Rachel.
"That was some entrance," he boomed, as we reached the bottom. He handed us two travel PDA's. "Jayne, I believe you can initiate the transfers?"
With just the two to do, it didn't take long. Helen and Stacy came up. "You both look delicious," said Helen. I blushed, Andy coughed in embarrassment and Stacy just laughed while giving Helen a high-five. I was glad that none of the rest of the year was within earshot. Mr Hobson and Dr Ruiz were, and they gave each other a glance.
I thought she needed a bit of teasing. "Do you want me to change before coming up?"
"Don't you dare," she retorted.
"Hey, you two better behave later," warned Mr Hobson.
"Of course they will," said Stacy sweetly. "You know we all do."
Mr Hobson laughed. "After tonight, I bet Andy and Jayne will be too tired anyway."
I wasn't so sure. Helen had that glint in her eyes that I knew so well.
With the phones swapped, Mr Hobson departed. Rachel stood by the side, watching. I wonder if she was seeing how I looked, or seeing what happened for the chat that was sure to happen. With echoes of "have fun" still ringing in our ears, we ventured out of the main door. There waiting was a limo.
It was too dark for me to see the driver's face, but he opened the car door, and I slid in. I wasn't used to getting in and out of cars like this, but Andy said after that I did pretty well. As the car slowly pulled away, I noticed the driver and smiled; it was Mr Taylor.
"This isn't revenge, is it?"
"Tempting as it is; no. Tonight is just as described. You getting used to different types of occasions, and at the same time, seeing if there is anything that feels more at home for you."
"So where are we going?"
"Out of the front gates," Mr Taylor responded. I thought about blowing a raspberry, but changed my mind as it wouldn't suit the way I was dressed.
"We're going into London to an awards ceremony," Andy responded, ignoring Mr Taylor's teasing. "After the event there is a social gathering of people for a drink."
I looked sharply at Andy. "An after ceremony party? What are the awards?"
"The British Academy Film awards."
"The British Acad —" I trailed of as it sunk in. "The BAFTAs? You're kidding?" I shrieked in horror.
"Andy, that was not a good move," Mr Taylor remonstrated. "She'll be scared all the way now."
"Better than her getting scared when she gets there," Andy retorted. He turned to me, "Are you okay?"
"They'll have television camera's there. What if someone sees me?"
"They wouldn't recognise you. Anyway, the cameras are going to be on the stars. Unfortunately, we won't be going down the red carpet, but through a side entrance."
"You sure they won't?"
"Positive."
I turned to Mr Taylor. "So why are you acting as a chauffeur?"
"It wouldn't be done for you to arrive at an event on foot. To attend an event like this you have to be someone, and people like that are chauffeured in limos. It also gives me a chance to get to know you, since we will be having chats now and again over the next four years."
"Not after?"
"Not as much. If you get accepted, you will be reporting to someone else, and probably not in this country, at least initially."
Films had always been an interest, so going to this event promised to be a real eye opener. I was glad someone was there with a brolly, as it was raining hard. Even though we weren't stars, we were treated as if we were. The way we were dressed, which was a lot smarter than some of the other non-acting guests, certainly opened doors for us. Andy had to put a calming hand on my arm to stop me running after an actor or actress to demand their autographs. This wasn't the time or place.
Mr Taylor was waiting for us after, and took us on to the after party we had somehow been invited to. I've no idea how we had invites, but we were ushered in with only a nod when Andy gave our assumed names.
I felt very out of my depth, and followed Andy's lead by taking a glass of champagne when a waitress passed. "Take it easy," murmured Andy. "If I take you home legless, there will be some very upset people."
I laughed slightly, as I saw in my mind Mr Hobson tearing us both to bits. I wonder if being drunk would stop me being ill when I thought about sex with Helen?
Andy's PDA beeped, signalling a message had arrived. After glancing at the message he said quietly to me. "Come on, we've got to meet someone."
Puzzled, I tagged along. We approached a door, and Andy punched in a code. Along the corridor, he stopped outside the second door on the left and entered without knocking.
The room was mostly dark, with a dim light on one side with a settee. I closed the door, and stood just inside the room, next to Andy. As my eyes adjusted to the lack of light, I thought I would have seen someone on the settee, but it was empty. The whole room didn't appear to have anybody else in it.
"Don't be shy," a woman's voice called across the room. I couldn't see her, and wondered where she was hidden. "Come on in and take the weight of your feet." As we sat, she continued, "I'm sorry if I don't show my face, but it is best you don't see me."
I stole a glance at Andy, who was looking slightly surprised. For Andy, it must have been downright shocking for some surprise to show.
"I wanted to personally apologise to the two of you for what happened at your last concert. When I heard what was happening, I was horrified. It shows the strength of your character that you both still want to be involved and haven't given up on your dreams. If I get the chance to meet with the other four of you, then I will be saying the same to them.
"Thanks." Andy and I said. There was a lot more I wanted to ask, but I knew it wasn't the time to do it. Like who was she? How did she know who I was? How did she know about what happened in Russia? Was she part of the S.P.A.? And if so, would she be so kind as to tell me what it meant?
"I'll leave you to get back to the party. I hope this little meeting doesn't stop you, Jayne, from trying to find out more about yourself."
We returned to the party, and as Andy and I mingled with the stars my mind kept going over the short conversation, and couldn't make much more than what was on the surface. "Did you know this was going to happen?" I asked Andy as we moved towards the magnificent buffet.
"No," he responded simply. "Wow, this food looks great!"
"It sure does," I responded, knowing that we wouldn't really be able to discuss that part of the evening.
It was late when we left the party. Andy made a call on his PDA for our lift home, and by the time we were at the entrance, Mr Taylor was there with our limo. I'd met a lot of famous people, and nobody had twigged that we weren't anything other than we appeared. Staying up this late wasn't something I did often, but tonight I'd been so excited that I was still on a high. Perhaps the nap I'd had that afternoon had helped. Mr Taylor didn't say anything, but drove us home, while Andy and I chatted about what we'd seen. The meeting with the mysterious woman never got mentioned once.
"Please be quiet when you go up," requested Mr Taylor.
"Of course," responded Andy, putting his hand over my mouth to stop me to stop me saying "Duh!" I mean, we knew it was well past curfew. I went to look at my watch, but in the dark couldn't see the dial and it was too fancy to have a backlight.
Andy went all the way with me to my room. I wasn't sure why, as I wasn't suffering from the after effects of Russia any more.
"Sleep well," he said quietly.
"Thanks for tonight," I responded. "I'll do the PDA's when we get up."
Andy leaned across and gave me a small kiss on my cheek. I smiled, slipped off my shoes and snuck quietly into my room. Andy wasn't a bad boy.
I wasn't surprised that Andy kissed me, but what I was surprised about was it didn't seem to matter. It wasn't the first time he'd kissed me, that had been in Paris, but he'd never done it since. Perhaps it wasn't an issue, because it was more the kiss for a friend than anything romantic. Would I have freaked if he'd kissed me on the lips? I didn't know, but when I yawned, I decided I better quickly get to bed.
Thanks to Penny, Annette and Holly for editing
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 61
Monday 20th February 2006
"I see you have a bit more control," opened Rachel. I was in her office for a debriefing on how the previous night had gone.
"Sorry?" I responded, after trying to work out what Rachel meant.
"You didn't have a silly grin at breakfast."
I didn't know if Rachel meant that Helen and I had controlled ourselves after I'd gotten back and restrained ourselves from anything frowned upon by the school, or that we'd managed to stop ourselves from smiling after breaking the school rules.
I decided to go with something neutral. "That's one thing about the school, you get to improve."
Rachel smiled at that. "A nice response. So tell me about yesterday's adventure."
I outlined the trip, leaving out the details of the driver and the mystery woman. I'm sure that Rachel knew who drove us to the BAFTA's, and wouldn't need me to tell her.
"A record," sighed Rachel. "You managed to compress a complete evening into four minutes, twenty seconds."
"Is that good?" I queried, hopefully.
"It's ridiculous. I know at times it is good to the point quickly, but it doesn’t help me understand your feelings. You just summarised the evening in the most unemotional words possible."
"Oh." I didn't know what else to say. I had a fleeting thought about apologising, but I wouldn't know what I was apologising for. Mr Hobson and Stacy both seem happy when I tell them things without the fluff.
It took a few seconds before Rachel gathered her thoughts and posed the next question. "So what stars did you see?"
"I bumped into Rupert Grint," I said, remembering how I almost crashed into him when coming out of the toilets. I still didn't know how I missed him; his ginger hair did make him stand out a bit.
"I hope not literally."
"Well it was close," I admitted.
"Did you get his autograph?"
"No," I sighed, remembering how much I wish I'd had an autograph book with me. "It wouldn't have been right. I mean I was there as a young rich person who probably would have attended lots of events like that. If I was outside the cinema then perhaps I would have been screaming at them for their autograph."
"You would also have been soaked."
"That’s true. I saw Daniel Radcliffe and he looked like somebody had poured a bucket of water over him."
Rachel stopped and put her PDA on the coffee table. I wondered if it was her way of saying that she wouldn't be taking any notes; not that I'd seen her taking any so far.
"So," she started, and I braced myself for the inevitable questions. "How did you find it mixing with film stars?"
This wasn't the question I expected and it through me. "I ... I ..." I paused before trying again. "It was fun. I never thought I would ever do anything like that. And when I was in there they seemed to be human."
Rachel laughed a bit at that.
"What?" I complained.
"Sorry. It was just the way you said they were human. What else would they be?"
"They seem so unreachable. The big stars earn so much money and always seem to be dressed so nicely."
"It's just a job," Rachel pointed out.
"I know, but it never seemed that way before."
"And now?"
"In the after award party they seemed really friendly. I suppose some had drunk a little, but even so they didn't seem as distant as I thought they were."
"So do you have any gossip?"
In spite of being in Rachel's office, I laughed. That was something that didn't happen in here very often.
"I don't think so."
"That’s a shame. I could have made a fortune selling the story to Okay magazine."
"I'm sure they had someone there."
"I'm sure they did," Rachel agreed. "So, you found going to something like this rather fun?"
"I suppose some of it was," I agreed. "At first I was really frightened, which is why I had to go to the toilet; I thought I was going to be sick. After a little bit, though, I found myself relaxing."
When the chat finished, I left I feeling slightly bewildered. Not once had Rachel mentioned gender issues. We just chatted about the evening, who I saw and what I did. She didn't even mention Andy or ask how we'd got on.
When I went into the year room I was surprised to see that Helen wasn't there, so I pulled out my PDA. She was running late with Andy on handover business.
"Are you okay?" asked Jill, who'd come and sat beside me. "You looked confused when you came in."
"I've just spent an nearly an hour with Rachel talking about last night."
"And?"
"Well it didn't make sense. I thought she would have asked how I felt, but we just chatted about what I did and who I saw."
"So, how did you feel about last night?"
I shrugged. "It was okay, I suppose."
Jill burst out laughing which caused the rest of the year to look our way.
"I think that Rachel knows you too well. If she'd just come out and asked you how you felt, then I doubt you would have given her a different answer. She just talked to you about it, and probably got a lot more information about how you felt."
I didn't know what to think of that. I mean it didn't sound so bad, as it seemed more natural. I'm sure there were good reasons why physiatrists don't just chat. Perhaps it is more open to interpretation, but it seemed good to me as I didn't have to think about how I felt.
"That's great," I responded, the confusion dissipating.
"I doubt Rachel feels the same."
"Probably not, but I just hate explaining how I feel about the whole gender thing. I mean why can't I just be me?"
"Nobody's stopping you. However, it gets really confusing not knowing how to treat you."
"Huh? But surely you just treat me the same?"
Jill looked exasperated. "I wouldn't talk about makeup with Lewis or Brian. Just look how upset they got about the sleepover."
"Yes, but-." I wasn't allowed to finish.
"Often I can't tell if you are supposed to be Jayne or David. Clothes often say one thing, but often you behave the opposite."
I looked around the room and saw some discrete nodding. They were carrying on with what they were doing, but you could tell that they were listening.
I sighed. "I know. I hate acting like David, but I don't think I want to live as Jayne."
"Then you're going to have a very interesting life."
That got a few sniggers from the rest of the year. I couldn't help it, but I sniggered too. It was such an outrageous thing to say, but maybe there was some truth in it.
"So how was last night?" asked Anna from the floor, all pretence of not listening gone.
"It was fun. But I've no idea if I'd have had just as much fun if I'd been as David."
"So which stars did you see?" asked Emma, as we went to lunch.
My explanation was interrupted as Helen appeared just as we went into the dining room. I was so glad Helen wasn't late. When she heard what I was talking about she insisted I started from the time we got there. It had been too late to tell Helen about it when I got in early this morning.
It wasn't until we were alone that night that again the previous day’s trip came into the conversation. "Everybody has been asking you how last night went, but how did you get on with Andy?"
"I'm surprised you didn't ask him this morning."
"We were busy with other issues. So?"
"He was a real gentleman. I was very nervous, but he helped me relax."
"That's great."
"I even got a kiss from him as he dropped me off."
Helen's eyes opened wider with that. "On the lips?" she asked, sounding shocked.
"No," I laughed. The laughter was more at her shock than what happened. "He kissed me on the cheek."
"And?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "It wasn't a big deal. It was just a good night kiss on the cheek from a good friend."
"Ah."
I decided she needed a bit of reassurance. "Nothing like kissing you."
She smiled and we started kissing only the way we did.
* * *
Tuesday, 21st February 2006
Another visit to see Rachel filling up my slot just before lunch. This was either self-study time or time gaining more in-depth computer knowledge with Julia. When I queried this at the start of my chat she said that Julia had not got me doing any extra computer studying for a few weeks.
"Are you going to see me every day?" I enquired, starting to worry.
"I hope not, but there are a few things that I want to help with. You made good progress yesterday with our chat."
"But we didn't discuss anything," I protested.
She gave a small smile. "Ah, but we did. However, sometimes I might not be able to be as indirect as yesterday was."
"But-"
"Do you want to have your commitment ceremony before or after the next school trip?"
"Before. I've already mentioned this a hundred times already."
"I know. Let me put it differently. Can you remember when Fran and Ingrid had their ceremony?"
I nodded.
"Can you describe what they were wearing?"
I did so, right down to their blue sashes.
"That's one heck of a memory," commented Rachel. "Would you say they looked pretty?"
"Stunning. Their dresses were just part of that. The hair and makeup helped, but it was the sheer radiance they-" I paused, not wanting to say it. However, I couldn't think of a better word. "It was the radiance they ... radiated."
"Now think back to Sunday night. Were there any women there wearing clothes as nice?"
"More expensive, yes. More exquisite, may be. However, none shone like Fran and Ingrid both did.
Rachel gave a small smile, but made no comment.
"Now think about your upcoming celebration. Imagine what Helen will be wearing. You are at the front of the room and you turn around to see Helen walking through the door."
I smiled at the thought. I'd no idea what Helen was going to wear, but I imagined it to be a cross between what she wore for the revue and what Fran had worn.
"Excellent," carried on Rachel. "Now imagine that the ceremony is over and you have finished all the celebrations. It is just the two of you in your bedroom. You help Helen undo her dress and it slips down."
Rachel didn't need to say any more as the vivid picture set me vomiting. I was just glad that Rachel had stuck a waste bin in front of my face at the last second.
"Was this the same feeling you had when you were nearly ill on Sunday?" Rachel asked as she poured some sawdust over the sick.
"No," I answered straight away.
There was a moment's pause before Rachel realised I wasn't going to continue. "And how were they different?"
"Sunday was mostly fear."
"And now?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "It wasn't fear; that much I know. A bit for excitement, but also something else. I don't understand how to explain."
Rachel paused as she thought about her next attack. "Why don't we have a break for ten minutes? It'll give me chance to clean up."
I used the time to rush back to my room and clean my teeth. There was nothing worse than the foul taste of residual sick. When I got back to Rachel's office there was no reminder of my incident and there was a fresh bin by the desk. It was normally there for tissues if a chat got emotional; however it seemed to be a good sick bucket for me.
"Do you have a magic wand or something?" I enquired as I took my usual seat.
Rachel smiled. "You aren't the first student to be sick. Thought, perhaps you have one of the most unusual reasons. The cupboard down the corridor has a stack of spare bins. The one you used earlier was taken away to be cleaned."
"Sorry if I caused more work."
"All part of the job and it gave me a good chance to think about what you've been telling me. You were sick on Sunday because you were frightened. Yet when you were in Moscow you were in a more dangerous situation, but you weren't sick during or after the event."
I shrugged. "I've no idea. In Moscow I was trying my best not to see anybody or be seen. On Sunday it was the opposite. I was dressed up and was mixing with the elite in the film industry."
"But you were dressed like that to fit in, not to stand out. If you'd worn clothes similar to what you wore in Russia then everybody would have been looking at you."
"It was so different from what I've done before that it didn't occur to me until I realised that nobody was paying me any attention."
"The school is a place of learning. I'm sure you will be getting a lot more experience of different things before you leave."
"I'm sure," I agreed, giving a wry smile.
"Sorry I made you sick earlier, but I'm afraid I've got some questions."
I sighed. "Go ahead. I hate the thought, but I would hate to be sick over Helen ... again."
"Let me recap, to make sure I'm remembering things correctly. You only get sick when you get thoughts of sex?"
"No, when I think that sex is a possibility. Do you have any ginger biscuits?"
"Did they help you last time?"
"Not really, but it is something to munch on if I get hungry."
Rachel laughed a bit. "It's good to see we've got a good honest dialog going here." She wandered across to her cupboard, brought out an old-fashioned biscuit tin and placed it on the table. "Don't have too many, or you'll spoil your lunch."
I took off the lid and peered in. There weren't just ginger biscuits, but a wider selection. I took a Garibaldi biscuit and looked expectantly at Rachel.
"For the rest of today's session I want to talk about sex. Nothing you say will get you into trouble, so feel free to be open. If it gets too difficult for you then please say so. My aim isn't to get you to the point where you get sick, but to try and understand what you know and what you think about things. If you want to add a bit of how you feel, then please surprise me."
I thought about saying something sarcastic, but I could see that Rachel was trying her best to help so I just nodded and braced myself.
"What is sex for?"
"Sorry?" I instantly responded. I just couldn't help myself. I was expecting something a lot weirder than that.
"What is the purpose of sex?"
"To procreate?" I responded tentatively. I tried to be as formal as Rachel often is when discussing things. At this school I didn't have to hide a bit of learning.
There was a pause and I noticed Rachel looking at me like she was expecting me to say more.
"You know, to make babies," I added, wondering if perhaps I should keep things simple.
"I know what procreation is," responded Rachel. "Is that the only reason people have sex?"
I thought for a moment and realised that Rachel meant more than just the biological purpose. "Passion and pleasure. I suppose from some books I've read, also a sense of duty, for money and power."
"Now that's a more complete answer. If you don't mind I'll leave duty, money and power to your Life Skills class. I'm sure you will have interesting discussions on that topic there. For now I want to look a bit at passion and pleasure."
I nodded, glad that Rachel was guiding this conversation because I really had no idea what she was up to.
"The other month you got into trouble for inappropriate behaviour. What did you two plan? To make a baby?"
I shuddered at the thought of being a parent so young. "No. Anyway, Helen has an implant to stop that."
"Yes she does. But remember, no birth control apart from abstinence is totally fool proof. I'm not convinced that at the time you remembered that Helen had birth control implant. So if you weren't trying to make a baby, then why were you having sex?"
I thought about that night and frowned. I knew what had driven us to that situation, but it wasn't something I could share. "We weren't trying to make a baby," I eventually responded in the hope that would be enough for Rachel. It wasn't though.
"So what was the spark then?"
I shook my head. I hated saying no to a member of staff, but there wasn't any way I could answer. "Sorry, but there was many reasons which led to it. This doesn't just involve my feelings, but also Helen's. I don't want to talk about this without Helen being in the discussion."
I expected a backlash, but Rachel actually gave me a smile. "Thank you for your reason, it helps. Remember there are times when you have to break confidences, especially when someone's life depends on it. However, I hope that isn't something you have to worry about yet. I'm going to ask some questions that are a bit personal. I'm sorry if they offend you."
I nodded my consent.
"Have you ever masturbated?"
It's a good job I wasn't chewing on a biscuit or I think I would've choked.
"No," I spat out, embarrassed at her asking me such a question.
"You've never even tried it?" she persisted.
"No," I again responded, this time more quietly. "Do you?"
"Sometimes," she responded, without batting an eyelid. "Especially if I've been left hanging."
I didn't know what Rachel meant by that last statement and I wasn't sure if I really wanted to know. I think there is something worse than hearing your parents have sex and that is your psychiatrist admitting they sometimes masturbate.
"I heard some boys at my old school talking about it, so I tried it once. Nothing really happened. I felt it was a bit sordid and selfish."
"Selfish?" Rachel asked, pouncing on the word like a lion pouncing on its prey.
"Like it was all about me. I was doing it to get pleasure, which isn't what something like that is about."
I expected a request for more information, but I didn't get it. Just another question on a similar topic.
"Have you ever had a wet dream?"
"Yes," I whimpered. "Twice. Once around November time. The other time was last week."
"What was Helen's reaction?"
"She doesn't know. When it happened I slipped out of bed, cleaned them of the sticky stuff, washed the affected area and put on clean underwear like what I'd been wearing."
"Hide the evidence?"
"I suppose. I didn't want her asking me about it. You aren't going to tell her, are you?"
"It isn't my intention," Rachel responded. "However, don't you think that hiding it like that is untruthful?"
"I didn't want her thinking I'd wet the bed."
"Have you not covered things like effects of puberty in life skills yet?"
"Not yet."
"Then a word of warning to you. Things like what I've asked you will be covered in that lesson at some stage."
"Oh joy!"
"Going back a bit. You said you found masturbation a bit selfish, because you were getting pleasure. Don't you think that you deserve pleasure?"
"Yes, and I get pleasure in other things. It's just that seems to be self-serving."
"Helen likes her food, does that make her self-serving?"
"No. It isn't something she hides and does herself. We eat together. Now if she snuck off to eat a bar of chocolate and then hid it, then that would be something I might disagree with."
"I'm beginning to see your logic. Now one that is slightly different. Do you think that Stacy was selfish in her decision for gender surgery?"
I paused at that and while I formulated my answer took a Jammie Dodger. Rachel tutted, and after taking a custard cream, put the lid back on the biscuit tin.
"Yes," I eventually said. "I think it is the type of decision that has to be selfish. The whole reason was for Stacy to finish that part of her journey. The decision had to be based on what she needed and nobody else."
"So some things can be selfish, interesting," muttered Rachel.
I was starting to feel wound up. "Rachel, you just ask me questions which I answer, but you hardly ever tell me if I'm right or wrong."
"Because often there are no right or wrong answers. I'm not here to tell you how to run your life or what to think. I'm here as a guide or to give assistance. I'm asking you these questions to help you think about how you feel on a subject that you have difficulty with. I might point things out which you hadn't thought about, which may or may not help."
"So this chat might not help me stop being sick?"
"If we don't examine the topic then a solution won't be found. If we look at the issue then we might find what is causing you to be sick."
"You think it is a mental issue?"
"Arousal upsets you, but doesn't make you sick. Only the thought of having sex. This doesn't point to a chemical causing it, but something that you feel is so wrong you react badly. Are you okay to continue?"
"Sure," I said, feeling rather hopeless and a bit useless.
"Let's jump forward a year. Andy and Stacy have left school and are making love."
I interrupted. "Isn't that a bit personal?"
"Probably, but I'm just using it as an example to help visualise things. Now Stacy can't have a baby, so that isn't why they are having sex. Who gets pleasure from it?"
"They both do?"
"I hope so. But this is how it is different from masturbation, they both get pleasure from each other. It isn't self-gratification."
"Oh."
"One more thing to think about and it might be a bit difficult." Rachel got up and moved the biscuit tin and put the waste basket in front of me. "If you're going to be sick, I don't want it over the biscuits."
I gave a small nervous laugh at that.
"I don't want you to think about sex at all. This isn't what it this part is about. Remember the outfit Helen wore at the revue?"
"Yes."
"Remember the special lingerie she was wearing underneath. Now who was that designed to give pleasure to?"
"Her," I said instantly. I saw Rachel's eyebrows rise as if she was challenging me.
After a moment's thought it was like a light bulb suddenly illuminated over my head. "Both of us. She got pleasure from wearing it, but it was also designed to be shown to me; to give me pleasure."
"By Jove! I think he's got it!"
I laughed; it was almost a quote from one of my Dad's favourite movies. I then sobered up as I thought more about it. "I spoilt it."
"It backfired a bit," agreed Rachel, "but I wouldn't worry about it. You are both a bit young and certainly too young to have sex. Enjoy your youth while you can."
I walked slowly back to the year room. There were a few minutes before lunch and I wanted to think about what had been said. Were my other issues with gender presentation also caused because I had set ideas about what I am? Did I think that I could never experience pleasure? There was just so much to think about. I wish I was closer to my brother. It would have been the type of question that a younger brother could ask their older brother.
When I opened the door into the year room, nine pairs of eyes looked up and glanced at me. Helen must have seen the look of confusion on my face as I saw her expression turn to concern.
"It was just a difficult session, which I'll tell you about later." I explained as I sat down next to her. "It wasn't bad, just a lot for me to think about."
"I find food is always good for helping think about difficult things," said Lewis. "Shall we go and get lunch?"
"Couldn't you have mentioned that before I'd sat down," I joked, getting back up.
Helen laughed. "I think Lewis is right, food is just the answer you need."
Everyone was good, they saw I needed a bit of space so didn't pry. I knew Helen would ask later. One of the downsides of being introspective was never being left alone, just in case I got suicidal again. I didn't hear anybody plan it, and there was nothing said about it, but for that day there wasn't a time I was alone.
After the evening meal I knew I couldn't leave it any longer. "I've got a practice room booked for tonight. Does anybody else want to take it?"
We all practiced when we could, but there were only a limited amount of practice rooms. Practicing in our bedrooms was possible, but it wasn't something we liked to do. There were just so many distractions there.
"Ooh, please," said Brian quickly and got an elbow in his side by Emma.
"Why, do you want it?" Brian retorted.
Emma just shook her head and then asked me the question that I'm sure they'd all been thinking all day. "You've been thoughtful all day. Do you want to talk about it?"
I snorted, and then quickly realised that I was being rude. Emma, and all the others, probably just wanted to help. "Sorry. It's just something I was discussing with Rachel. It's a bit personal. The only one I'll discuss it with is Helen."
"Do you want a joint practice?" piped up Helen. She'd been by my side all afternoon, radiating comfort, but had never suggested we talk.
I almost smiled. "I think a chat in my bedroom would be better. Why don't we let Brian and Emma fight it out for the practice room?"
I thought Helen would have dragged me out of the room, but she waited until I got off the settee and went at my speed. It was a silent brisk walk to my room and I wondered if Helen was mad at me. However, once we were in the privacy of our room she let out a sigh.
"Was it that bad?" she asked as the door shut. Her voice was full of concern and I wondered if she was about to burst into tears.
"We were discussing why I sometimes get sick."
"Hang on," said Helen. She'd taken out her PDA, after a few seconds typing she put it on my bedside table. "That should stop Rachel rushing in if you get too upset."
I couldn't help but laugh a little. I remembered when I was chatting with Andy and Rachel had burst in. After removing our shoes, we climbed onto the bed and lay down, facing each other.
"I thought you knew why you got sick," mused Helen. "When you think there is a possibility of sex."
"Sort of. Anyway, we were discussing my views on certain things to see if any ideas came to mind."
"And?"
I bit my lip and looked away from Helen's gorgeous face.
"It's okay," said Helen gently. "You know you can say anything and I won't be upset."
I swallowed and looked up at her, my bottom lip still between my teeth. She looked so earnest. I blurted out, "Do you ever masturbate?"
The look of shock flickered across her face, which was too much. I rolled away and off the bed, stumbling onto my feet.
Helen was holding me before I got much further and dragged me firmly to the edge of the bed. "Yes, not often, but yes. Sorry, if I upset you. I don't know what I expected you to ask, but that wasn't it."
I burst into tears. I felt so bad. Was it my fault?
"Hey, it's okay," murmured Helen.
"I'm sorry," I cried, while trying to wipe the tears away.
"Tell me what you and Rachel discussed."
After calming down, I relayed what I could. As I poured out my memories, Helen just sat there and stroked my cheek.
When I finished, Helen said, "That sounded like a pretty intense session."
That made me start crying all over again. However, these weren't tears of anguish, but relief. Helen seemed to understand.
"And don't worry about what happened after the revue. I wasn't upset with you, but was upset that I'd caused you to be ill. At the time we didn't know what made you ill. Now that we know, we can avoid these things."
"I'm not doing it deliberately and I don't want to be ill like that."
"I know. You are discussing it with Rachel and if you need to test how you are doing, I'm sure I can dress appropriately. We are both young and have all the time in the world. Just remember, I love you and if you get worried, just think these four words — 'I love you forever'."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 62
In memory of Annette MacGregor
Friday, 24th February 2006
My PDA pinged, signalling a new message. This wasn't unusual. However, when I looked at my PDA there wasn't a message. At first I thought that I must have misheard, but Helen who was standing next to me said that she had heard it ping. I relooked at the screen and saw a small plus symbol next to the double padlock.
"Have you ever seen this before?" I asked Helen, showing her my PDA.
"No. Since it is up there, perhaps there is something in the secure area."
I thought it was a worthy suggestion so pulled up the menu. After authenticating myself I saw that there was a message from Mr Taylor. The message itself was not what I expected either. It was addressed to me, copying Stacy in, asking if he could have thirty minutes of mine and Stacy's time at my convenience.
"That's different," I said, showing Helen.
"I suppose it's because it's a school day. He might not know you're full availability."
I nodded in response, thinking how nice it was to be asked, rather than have appointments just made. To me it seemed a more grownup thing. Since there was no orchestra practice on a Thursday, there would be a bit of a gap between lessons ending and our evening meal. That, to me, was a logical time. Hopefully it wouldn't be too late for Mr Taylor either, after all he must have a life outside of work. I'd thought about suggesting eleven, but that would have meant rearranging my meeting with Rachel. A few weeks ago I would have done almost anything to miss a shrink meeting. However, I didn't want to potentially destroy a possible chance of stopping being sick.
How on Earth do I book a meeting? I'd never done anything like that before. It wasn't just the PDA that I needed to work out, but the etiquette. When we were fetching the meals we were taught how to do it properly.
"Come on," urged Helen. "If we don't hurry we will be late for breakfast."
I put away my PDA and almost freaked when I saw the time. We only just made it to our year room before it was time for breakfast. Thank goodness there wasn't anything special happening that needed explaining first thing.
As we went in we saw year-five going towards the dining room. I slowed down a bit so I could speak with Stacy.
"Would five o'clock be okay with you?" I quietly enquired.
"Perfect," she replied. "I'll let you respond to the message. Oh, don't forget to put the location; I forgot that the first time I set one up."
When I got to the table, I wasn't the last in; year-two was yet to arrive. I looked across at Helen and gave her a slight nod to let her know that Stacy had agreed. Though it was only between breakfast and our first lesson that I managed to send the secure message suggesting the time and place.
It was in the first lesson that we all got a surprise. Now you wouldn't think Geography could hold any surprises, but today it got us all excited.
"Next week we are going to spend a few days in North Wales," started Mrs Poole, our teacher.
We were normally very well behaved pupils, but that got us all talking excitedly. Mrs Poole let it ride for a few minutes before calling us to order.
"Where are we staying?" asked Helen.
"What do we need to take?" Brian added.
"If you'll all quieten down then I'll explain," Mrs Poole smiled. She actually smiled. Wow. This must have been a first. I quickly glanced at the windows to see if any cracked; they hadn't. Perhaps that just worked on mirrors.
"First off, this is field work, so outdoor wear is essential. I believe you all have hiking boots and wellington boots, so please make sure you pack them as well as some other casual footwear. We won't be eating out or going to any dances, so decent clothes won't be needed. Other items for the field trip I'll take care of and will be taken up by Mr Yates who will be accompanying us. Four people from year five will also be joining us and staying at the same youth hostel. However, they won't be on all the activities as they have some of their own they will be attending to."
I think you could have knocked us all over with a feather. None of this was expected.
"Good, now we've covered the exciting things, let's get on with Geography and recap on areas we've already covered that we will look at the practical side of next week."
And so the lesson turned out to be a recap. It was one of the first recap lessons I'd ever had, and I found it quite a surprise at how much I'd remembered. Martha and Erika must have covered this topic in America as neither of them seemed stressed about it all, though the term cwm got them confused as they called it something else. So much for us speaking the same language.
The buzz about the geography field trip lasted through the day. It was all the talk at lunch time. Anna and Jill had been doing some research into where the youth hostels in North Wales and we all discussed which we might stop in due to the closeness to certain geological structures. I wonder if they would tell us where we were going other than the region. Was it that they didn't trust us, or was it that they just didn't think we'd want to know?
I sent a message to Mrs Poole, asking if she could let us know where we were staying. I got a message back just before the end of the meal.
I announced, "To save us continuing to guess, I asked Mrs Poole where we were going to stay."
The whole table fell quiet. Nine pairs of eyes looked at me, eager for me to tell them. I smiled and took a sip of my drink and sat back with a smile.
"Oh stop it, David," complained Helen.
"Sorry, I couldn't resist. We are going to be staying at Bryn Gwynant."
"Yes!" exclaimed Jill, a big smile light up her face. It had been the one she thought we would stay at.
"Are we going to have mobile coverage out there?" Helen asked me, as left the dining room. "It looks very rural."
"I'll ask Julia for her thoughts," I responded. Our normal travel PDA's had Wi-Fi and mobile coverage. It was only the beta phones that also had satellite service, which I doubt we would be taking.
* * *
At just before five, I slipped out of our year's common room and headed downstairs towards the cinema. As I got towards the bottom of the stairs I placed my hand on the light. Nothing happened. Oh well, something that I'd not been authorised to yet.
I was about to pull out my PDA to call Stacy when she appeared.
"Trouble?" she enquired, as she placed her hand on the light. It changed to green before returning to its normal glow.
"It didn't work for me."
"Oops, we'll have to get that sorted later." We walked through the open door which slid silently closed. "The request and you handprint will be on the logs, so it will be easy to authorise you."
We were there before Mr Taylor, so Stacy logged into a computer in the open area and gave me permission to the door entrance system. "Do you know what this meeting is about?" I asked.
"I have an idea, but nothing more than that," she replied. "It isn't often we have meetings with Mr Taylor."
We didn't have to wait longer, since there was a chiming sound, signalling that the door was opening. We looked up and saw it was Mr Taylor.
"Excellent, you are both in good time. Shall we go into an office?"
It wasn't really a question; we just nodded and followed him through one of the closed doors. I'd expected to see an office like Mr Hobson's or Rachel's, a desk where he worked with a discussion area. This wasn't like that. Inside was an oval table with eight chairs around it. Obviously it was just a meeting room.
"So David, how has the handover going? Do you have enough information about the beta team?"
Just as I liked, straight to the point. "So far it seems to be going well. Stacy has been very meticulous about things. If I've had any queries, she has been able to answer them quickly. So far the only question that she couldn't answer is when the trip will take place. Can you help with that?"
Mr Taylor gave me a look for a moment, before turning his frown into a slight smile. "I'm not sure you are totally impartial over Stacy, but I'll have to leave that to your judgement. As for when we go, that is the other part of the meeting. Mr Hobson will announce the trip on the 5th March and we will be leaving in the late morning on the 27th. I believe you will be back from your field trip by then."
"Yes sir," I responded. "Thank you for the dates, it'll certainly help. As for not being impartial, Stacy has drummed it into me that beta business is separate from everything else. I saw that in action in Russia."
"So you did," he acknowledged. "Now let's go over some items in more detail."
Monday 27th February 2006
I groaned as the alarm went off. Wasn't the school aware that teenagers needed a proper night's sleep? Five in the morning was far too early to get up.
"It isn't as bad as when we went to Disney," Helen reminded me as she pushed me out of bed.
"Oh that really helps," I muttered as I padded into my room to have a shower.
Since we were going away, I dressed as Jayne. I didn't want to sleep in a different room from Helen. When we saw each other we laughed. Helen had dressed as Christopher. So much for communication, we'd both taken it on ourselves to make this easier for our partner.
"So who gets changed?" I asked, trying not to laugh again.
"You. I need more practice at being Christopher than you do at being Jayne."
Christopher was so earnest that I just agreed. Helen had gone to a lot of trouble in appearing right and I would have hated to have taken that away. With only a short time before the announcement of the next trip, it was good to get in practice, since we would both be dressed as female for the trip away. I rushed back to my room to change back to my normal clothes, glad I'd not gone to the trouble of having my hair done.
The kitchen staff weren't on duty at that time of the morning, so it was cereal or toast. Christopher ate quicker than normal and rushed off to get his hair done, courtesy of Brenda. Christopher turning up had caused some raised eyebrows of surprise. It seemed strange just being year-one and four people from year-five. Even Mr Hobson wasn't there. The dining room was never rowdy, but there was always a background noise of on-going conversations. Today, with just so few of us, it was too quiet. Nobody wanted to say anything just in case it was heard.
When breakfast was finished we all rushed back to our rooms to finish getting ready and grab our suitcases. It was also where I was going to meet with Christopher. We made it to reception at the allotted time, to find a welcoming party.
"I'm glad to see you all ready," said Mr Hobson, as we congregate around the teachers. "I expect you all to be on your best behaviour."
I smiled to myself, since Mr Hobson wasn't just looking at year-one when he gave this speech, but he also glanced at the four people from year-five.
"Yes, Sir," all fourteen of us responded.
"Now a potential issue was raised, which when we investigated was valid. Not only does the youth hostel not have any mobile phone signal, nor do some of the places you will be visiting. For this reason each pair will be issued with an emergency satellite phone, along with your usual travel PDA. This should only be used in an emergency and not for any other reason. We discussed putting a Wi-Fi unit in at the youth hostel, since they do have an internet link, but it was decided that it would do you all good to spend some time unconnected from the electronic world."
"No internet?" gasped Erika in horror.
"No internet," confirmed Mr Hobson, a small smile on his normal poker face. "You also won't need the PDA's for much note taking either. A lot of what you will be doing will be practical work or study. For those in year-one interested in why there is four people from year-five going, well they are there covering two lessons, photography and astronomy. The Welsh mountains in the area you are staying suffer from a lot less light pollution, so will be ideal for them. It also means that there can be two minibuses, one for the equipment, and one for year-one. Year-five will be travelling up by car, them all taking it in turns to drive."
At the last statement, Mr Hobson was looking at Brenda, who just smiled back. I'm sure she would want to do the bulk of the driving.
As we got onto the minibus, Mrs Poole handed each of us an envelope with some money in. "There isn't much to spend money on, but it is always good to have some for the journey up and back for when we stop. Also, you should find a large hamper for you to all browse through, courtesy of the kitchen staff."
The journey wasn't too bad, apart from on the M6 in the outskirts of Birmingham. As we crawled through the traffic, I wondered aloud if the traffic was always this bad. Mrs Poole laughed, "Yes, you would have had to get up much earlier to miss the traffic here."
"Thank goodness you didn't do that!" exclaimed Brian. It was so from the heart and reflected how we all felt that we all burst into laughter. Even Mrs Poole joined in.
"Don't forget us teachers have lives too," responded Mrs Poole. "It was hard enough getting up this early. I think my husband would have thrown a fit if I had to get up any earlier."
I knew the teachers weren't monks or nuns, but this was the first time that a relationship had ever been mentioned. Well, apart from Julia but her wife was dead, and from Keith and Becky but that didn't count as they both worked at the school.
A few hours after setting off, we left the motorway system near Shrewsbury, and we gave a big cheer as we entered Wales.
"We'll stop soon for a break," shouted Mrs Poole over our singing of the last track on the CD. "Do you want a different CD yet?"
"No," we shouted back. "Again!"
She gave a manic laugh in reply and when the album finished she started it off again.
We pulled off the main road and into a small car park in the centre of Llangollen. "You have thirty minutes to stretch your legs," Mrs Poole explained, as she drew to a stop.
There was a small shop opposite the car park, and we all quickly rushed to see what they had. In the end we didn't find anything too exciting, apart from Martha who insisted she wanted to try some sweets she'd not had yet. The rest of us were more than satisfied by the goodies the kitchen staff had provided.
As we went back to the minibus Mrs Poole gathered us all around. "As you are aware, we are in a village called Llangollen. Has anybody got any clue of what's near here?"
"Sheep?" answered Lewis, after a moment's silence.
"True, there are lots of sheep, but that wasn't what I was thinking of. A few miles back we crossed over the Offa's Dyke path. This runs from Prestatyn on the north Wales coast to Chepstow in south wales by the Severn estuary. The other thing we are near is something called the Horseshoe Pass. Now this isn't anything geologically special, but the views are. So you get the opportunity to enjoy this, we will make a small diversion. Unfortunately, I'll be concentrating on the road, so will miss out."
That met with a general "aww" from us.
We were now in the middle of nowhere. Our PDA's were too slow to browse anything useful on the internet. A few times they totally dropped out and there wasn't even voice coverage. I'd seen the phone coverage maps when I'd discussed the issue with Julia and knew that the signal would get worse as we went deeper into Wales. I'd expected some in the year to be frustrated, but nobody seemed to be. We replaced browsing the internet by looking at the scenery and singing along to the third play of the CD.
When we eventually arrived at the youth hostel there was no signal on our PDA's; just as expected. The year-five car and the other minibus were already there, not having diverted to see the Horseshoe pass. Mr Yates was waiting for us.
"I have the amended room assignments," he said as we staggered out the minibus.
"Did I cause issues?" Christopher blushed, the full impact of the decision to come as male becoming clear.
"It wasn't anything that couldn't be sorted. It was our fault for not asking beforehand and making some assumptions."
Our sharing arrangements were explained. Christopher and I were sharing a room with Brian and Lewis. This would be a first for us. I don't think Christopher had thought about the room situation and looked a bit worried. Lewis must have noticed and came across.
"Don't worry," he said, quietly. "You don't have anything I don't have."
Christopher looked a bit shocked for a moment before giving a nervous laugh.
We all grabbed our suitcases and wandered off to find our rooms. There were two sets of bunk beds and a single bed.
"Top or bottom bunk?" I ask Christopher, as we took the stack on the left of the door.
"Bottom." Christopher turned to the other two. "Sorry about this."
"It's okay," Brian answered. "Anyway, it'll be good practice for you. We'll both give you space to change."
"Thanks," Christopher responded, slightly red in the face. "I'd certainly not thought how it must have been for you on the last two trips."
"It wasn't so bad since we had an en-suite. If you remember, we all changed in there."
"What'll we do here?" asked Christopher quite concerned.
"Use the en-suite," came the voice of Mr Yates from the door. "I'm surprised none of you noticed the door over there."
I looked over to where Mr Yates had pointed and there was a rather discrete door. Christopher again apologised for any extra work with the room changes.
"It made it better," Mr Yates explained. "The rest of year-one is in a six bed room. Initially you had been put in a room with Stacy and Brenda, which there had been a lot of ... discussion about. You will notice that each bed has its own locker which has space for a padlock. Please make sure you lock your things away."
He handed us each a padlock with a key and then left. I looked at Christopher who had an indescribable look. He sat hard on his bed.
"You okay?" I asked, sitting next to him. Brian and Lewis must have known we needed a bit of space and quietly left us alone.
I got a small nod. "Just a bit surprised, a bit relieved and a bit disappointed all rolled into one."
"I'm more relieved."
"Really?" Christopher sounded like he didn't believe me.
"Really. I know we both have feelings not just for each other, but remember that nothing can happen. We would have just ended up miserable; just like over my birthday."
"Yes, you're right," responded Christopher quickly getting back up. "Let's lock our stuff away and find the others. I'm sure it'll be lunch soon."
We wandered to the main building where we found a games room. Inside were some of our year, including Brian and Lewis. I mouthed a thank you to them and got a wink back.
"Do you two fancy a game of pool?" asked Emma.
"They've got a pool table here?" squeaked Christopher, sounding too much like Helen.
"They sure have," smiled Brian.
"Ooh, how about a competition?" Paula suggested.
"What type?" Anna asked, as she walked in with Jill. Martha and Erika were just behind.
"Pool."
Anna and Jill looked at each other and laughed. "Not if Erika is playing."
"Spoil sport," Erika muttered.
"Haven't you seen play her back at Hayfield?"
"No?" said Brian, starting to sound a bit nervous.
"Rack 'em up," Jill called. "First game, Erika against Brian."
We all gathered close to the table. Lewis had filled the triangle with the red and yellow balls, the single black on in the middle of them. We were far enough from it for Brian and Erika to move round without any issues. For the first few minutes it seemed that they were pretty even, but then Erika got going and hardly left the table. All Brian could do was clap with the rest of the year, as the reds sank repeatedly into pockets.
"Wow," uttered Brian as the black ball sank into the middle left pocket. "Now that was some pool. Where did you learn to play like that?"
"The Manor," laughed Erika. "Though we had proper pool there, rather than blackball pool. "
"She was good before she went back to America," added Anna. "But nothing like she is now."
"I think you can count me out," said Emma.
"Me too," added Paula.
Brenda walked into the room and smiled at the sight.
"Spoil sports," laughed Erika.
That was the beginning and the end of the competition.
"I'll play you later," called out Brenda from the door. Everyone from year one quickly turned to look her way. "I doubt I'll beat you, but I'll give you a good run for your money. Mrs Poole asked me to find you and show you the classroom."
"Classroom?" Helen groaned. "I thought we were here for a field trip."
"You are," laughed Brenda. "However, there is a bit of desk work where she explains what you're going to be doing."
We all traipsed after Brenda.
"I wonder if Mrs Poole plays pool?" thought Emma out loud, which was met with some friendly pushes.
The classroom was a room in a separate wooden building just by the entrance to the car park. Once inside, the first thing I noticed was a large platter of food. At the far end were some boxes, which I presumed contained some items for the afternoon's lesson.
"Tuck into the food," instructed Mrs Poole. "We then can go through what we will be doing over the next few days."
I looked around and saw that the four people from year five were still in the room.
"Perhaps they failed GCSE geography," suggested Helen quietly to me. She'd obviously seen me looking around and had similar thoughts.
I laughed at her idea. Mr Yates must have heard as he came across, took a few sandwiches and explained, "Year-five are going to sit in so they know where you are going. We are going to tag along to some places with you, since there will be good places for taking pictures. It also means I will be around, increasing the teacher/pupil ratio."
Ah, that made some sense. Seeing that we were satisfied, Mr Yates slipped away to speak with Mrs Poole. Stacy and Brenda gradually came across to where we were nibbling on some chicken salad wraps.
"Is this a new standard?" queried Stacy, pointing to us. We'd moved more from the others so we could talk without being overheard.
"You mean dressed as males?" I clarified. Stacy nodded and I gestured to Christopher to respond. It was his idea, after all.
"I thought I needed some more practice," Christopher explained, his voice not wavering.
"So what about our school concert? Don't forget that you, David, are in charge of how we go."
All three of them looked at me expectantly.
"I ... I don't know." I sighed. "Look, let's see how Christopher and I get on the next few days."
"Fair enough," smiled Stacy.
"I didn't realise you two were into Astronomy," mentioned Christopher.
"It's something we looked at as an addition to our additional studies," responded Brenda. "We had to do something since we'd finished our research project early. This school doesn't like you to forget how to learn before you go to university."
"Yes, but why Astronomy?"
"We'd done some ages back, as part of a method of navigation and Mr Hobson thought it might be something that was an extension to our physics A-Level where we'd touched a bit on space physics, but hadn't really done much raw looking at stars. They are such beautiful things to look at."
I shrugged. Where I'd grown up it was hard to see any stars, due to all the street lights and clouds. And when I did see any they were just pricks of light and had no meaning to me. I certainly would call them beautiful.
"You look sceptical," pointed out Stacy.
"I've never thought of the few stars I've seen as beautiful," I responded truthfully.
"I was the same, until the first time I saw them properly."
"But aren't they just like the Sun; big blobs of burning gasses?"
Stacy looked a knowing look at me, but it was Brenda who tried to explain. "You could say Stacy is just millions of individual cells. But isn't she beautiful?"
"Sweet," Helen and I murmured together.
Brenda shook her head slightly. "Too femme."
"Perhaps," I responded. "But it's still true."
"Okay, can you all sit down," called Mrs Poole.
We all found a seat, with the Year-Five pupils sitting at the back. Lewis had a small plate of food that he'd taken with him. I don't know where he put it, because no matter how much he ate, he never seemed to put weight on.
"If the weather is per the forecast, then tomorrow we shall start by taking a walk around Cwm Idwal," started Mrs Poole as Mr Yates handed out maps. "On the walk we'll be looking at physical features we've covered in our lessons. We'll continue this on Wednesday by going in the valley below to look at how this was shaped. Thursday is going to be a bit different; this is where we look at the life of a river which you covered earlier in our lessons. We will look at the flow at various positions measuring width, depth and velocity.
"However, if we get a lot of rain, or bad winds, then we will change the order we do things. Cwm Idwal isn't the place to be in inclement weather."
“Tomorrows walk doesn’t look too long,” Emma murmured as we all poured over the maps, the route highlighted.
"It isn't," agreed Mrs Poole. "However, it will take some time as we will be discussing things you've been studying, as we go. This isn't a hike, but a learning experience. To aid studying later, Mr Yates asked our photographers to take some pictures of the features I point out."
"This afternoon we will split into two areas. I'm going to go over information about the Snowdonia National Park to give some grounding for the next few days. Mr Yates is going to take his four students out to continue their practical lessons. We shall all meet up later."
The lesson moved on to talk about things we might notice as we travelled around the area, land management and conservation. We learnt about the impact increased tourism was having on the land we would be seeing. I smiled to myself. Yes this was geography, but it was more. It was the filling out of the subject from something abstract, to the bigger picture. How something related to real life, and how being too popular could destroy what’s there.
After the simple evening meal, year five started setting up their equipment in the corner of the car park, behind the classroom building. The classroom protected them from the light emanating from the main building.
“Can we watch?” Brian asked Mr Yates. We’d all snuck across about twenty minutes after year five had setup.
Mr Yates briefly shone a dim torch to the back of the area they’d setup. There were ten deckchairs. When we tried to sit on them, we realised that there was a blanket over each one.
A few minutes after sitting down, my eyes began to adjust to the lack of light and I saw for the first time the magnificent view of the welsh night sky. I’d only been able to see a dozen stars before, but now there were hundreds. I just couldn’t take my eyes off them, they were twinkling at me. How had I never seen this before?
* * *
"Wasn't that night sky amazing?" asked Paula.
"Oh yeah," I responded, looking across at her. I caught the sight of Andy making a 'told you so' face.
"Do you think they'll let us watch again tonight?"
I smiled to myself, having had similar thoughts. "As long as we don't get in the way. It wouldn't be right to disturb year five's lesson. After all, it is why they came."
"Of course," Paula quickly responded, as if she hadn't thought of that, but didn't want to say so.
Our chat was brought to a halt as Mrs Poole pointed out the lake carved out of the upper floor by the long departed glacier. The walk turned full tilt back to geography as we began to see the full grandeur that we'd been taught in the classroom. To stand with our back to the amphitheatre and look down the carved out valley made me feel very small.
Friday, 3rd March 2006
The journey back didn't seem as bad as the journey there. We'd enjoyed our few days away from normal lessons and the ten of us had bonded more. We'd only known Erika and Martha for a few months and this was the first time that we'd had a chance to get to know them away from school.
Erika had been a close friend to Anna and Jill, and it was great to see that Martha had fitted in with that grouping. It was through that existing friendship that Erika and Martha got to know us so quickly and us them. This was totally different from when they were exchange students, where they'd been slightly separate. They were friends, they were part of our Year One family.
As we got off the minibus, Stacy was waiting. Brenda's driving had got them back quicker than the minibus.
"So, for Sunday's announcement?" she asked, as soon as the others were out of earshot.
"We keep with your tradition," I responded. "I'll be Jayne." For once this hadn't been a hard decision. I'd been expecting the question, so it wasn't like France where I'd had no choice, or Russia where it was a surprise.
After checking in the travel PDA's, Christopher rushed to our bedrooms to change, I followed but decided to stay a David until Sunday morning. The minute I was in my room, I fell onto the bed in happiness. Bunking with Lewis and Brian had been a strange experience. It had helped reinforce our behaviour as we spent the week in male mode, but the lack of privacy had been hard.
"You okay?" Helen's asked, peaking through the open interconnecting door at me on lying on the bed.
"Yes," I confirmed, flapping my arms and legs like I was making a snow angel. "It's so good to be back to our own beds."
She came and laid next to me, and I was able to breath in her wonderful scent.
* * *
"Helen, follow me," ordered Becky Thompson.
Helen just stood there, rather shocked. We'd just left the dining room after having our evening meal. It wasn't like any of the support staff to order us around, let alone so abruptly.
"David, you're with me," stated Keith in the same tone as his wife.
I gave a small shrug of confusion to the people in year one. I didn't have any clue what this was about. However, I felt that if I was in trouble, delaying wasn't going to make the situation any better. I gave a slight nudge to Helen to follow Becky, and I tottered off after Keith.
I was surprised to find I was going to the room where we had life skills. I'd no idea where Helen had been going, but it certainly wasn't the same direction as me. Waiting inside was Tracy Dine, another of the support staff.
"Take a seat," Keith instructed, indicating the settee that Helen and I usually sat in. Keith took a seat on the settee to my left, and Tracey was sat in the one to my right. I couldn't watch them both at the same time.
I was dying to ask them what this was about, but I remembered Stacy's technique – wait them out. They'd asked for me to be there, so let them make the first move. So I smiled politely as I took my seat and waited.
I didn't have to wait long, before Tracey asked, "Tell us about your first night at Hayfield?"
This wasn't a question I expected. I thought I must have done something wrong at the field trip, but why ask about the first night?
I turned towards Tracy, "We went to our separate beds before curfew. I heard Helen upset, being away from her family. I went into her room to comfort her and woke up next to her the next morning."
"Is that it?" Tracy enquired.
I sighed. I presume they wanted me to talk about my feelings, but that was something I talked with Rachel about; when required. "I suppose. I got up and went to have a shower. Is that what you meant?"
"No-" said Tracy slowly, extending the last letter.
"Then can you explain what's going on and what you want? You've dragged me here without any explanation, which isn't like you or the school."
For this first time, Keith spoke up. "This is about your affirmation. This is where we help you explore your past, and it will be mostly your past with Helen. This is for you to confirm to yourself that this is right for you. Rachel has said sometimes you have trouble explaining your feelings, but that is mostly about how you feel with your identity. This isn't about that. This is about you and Helen."
"Why didn't you say so?"
"Because we didn't want you getting worried. You don't have to do this if you don't want to. We aren't here to say you can or can't have the affirmation ceremony. Some have last minute doubts or worries. All this chat is to help you make sure in your mind that this is right for you."
I was so tempted to get up and walk out of the room, but I didn't. I'd learnt, during Life Skills that I could take part in discussions and give my thoughts. Perhaps this would be a bit in between the Life Skills and my chats with Rachel and it might help me make the harder conversations easier.
"So why did you sit in two totally different seats? It felt like you were going to be ganging up on me."
Keith got up and moved to join Tracy. "Is this a little better? I'm not here to ask you questions, but to observe and make sure you are happy. Do you want to do this, or not?"
I paused, trying to think of any reason for not doing it. I couldn't think of anything. "I'll give it a try."
Tracey gave me a small smile. I think it was to try and put me at ease. "So, let's start again, but a bit further back. Tell me about Helen before you joined Hayfield."
After two hours, the questions stopped. I felt exhausted.
"And?" I enquired, after they'd said they were finished.
Tracey smiled. "Now Keith and I will have a chat with the other three. I know this wasn't easy for you. Andy should be waiting outside the door."
"Have I passed?" I asked anxiously.
"There is no pass or fail. This is an opportunity for you to look at your past and how Helen fits in."
I had never been so glad to leave that room. Waiting outside was Andy. He didn't say anything, but gave me a big smile, and we walked through the main school, and into the sleeping wing. My mind was in overdrive, and I don't think I could have said anything to Andy, it was like he knew exactly what I'd just been through. Once or twice I wasn’t thinking where I was going, and Andy gently steered me the right way.
Andy opened my bedroom door, and waiting inside was Helen and Stacy. Helen looked exhausted.
"Both of you, try to get some sleep," said Stacy. "I know that was a long session for you both."
It didn't take us long to get ready, and we both collapsed into my bed. We laid facing each other, our hands touching.
"I love you so much," I uttered, with total conviction in my heart.
"I love you too," Helen replied, her voice breaking slightly, but it had the same confidence mine had.
I don't know if it was just being close to Helen, or if it was her scent or what, but the torment in my mind eased and I slipped off to sleep.
Saturday, 4th March 2006
Normally, we would wake up before the alarm, but today we didn't. We rolled over, switched off our individual alarms, then rolled back and give each other a kiss. Even synchronised swimmers weren't that in time.
"Even though we've done our Search of Finding, we're not going to be able to have our ceremony before our trip, are we?" sighed Helen.
"With the announcement tomorrow, it wouldn't be as we want it," I responded. "Anyway, they would have to arrange for Sam and Jessica to visit. That's not going to happen overnight."
Just as I finished getting dressed, there was a knock on my door. I opened it to find Andy and Stacy.
"Hi!" I opened the door further to let them in.
"We just wanted to make sure you were both okay," said Stacy.
Helen walked through the interconnecting door, tucking in her blouse as she walked. "It seems ages since we've been woken by the alarm."
"Yes, that is a common result of what you went through," agreed Andy. "I could have slept a week after ours."
"So what happens now?" I enquired.
"You go and have breakfast," responded Andy. My stomach rumbled in response to that. "That wasn't what I meant, and you know it."
I turned to Stacy, who I hoped would actually answer a question. She didn't disappoint. "You need to talk with Rachel to arrange the ceremony. You've chosen who you want to stand up with you, so it's really just arranging the date."
We weren't able to get to see Rachel until just after lunch. All morning Helen and I had been on tender hooks, wanting things to become clearer. To try to take our minds off it, we both decided to practice for the upcoming concert, but we couldn't even concentrate on that.
* * *
"So, how did it go last night?" Rachel asked, as we settled down on her comfy settee.
"Exhausting," I responded without hesitation.
Helen nodded in agreement. "Not a bad exhaustion though. It's amazing how much we have done in life together and how we feel about it."
"Did you manage to cover enough?" Rachel enquired, looking earnestly at us.
"I think so," Helen responded after some careful thought. I smiled internally, she was learning not to rush her answers. "It was very revealing that it also covered how I felt about all aspects of David and I couldn't be more certain that I want to go through affirmation."
"I'm certain too," I responded simply. "So how do we move this forward?"
"You have to decide on the date and we will arrange for Jessica and Sam to fly across. Details like flowers, outfits, decoration etc can either be organised via me or indirectly via Stacy."
"The timing is the issue," I thought aloud. "We wanted this to occur before the next school concert abroad, and we wanted it to be between David and Helen."
I didn't mention tomorrows announcement, which caused Rachel to look very confused. "But nothing-"
I interrupted. "Say a concert abroad was announced after we'd set the date, and we happened to be Jayne and Helen for that announcement, that would cause issues for our ceremony."
"I take it you are talking theoretically?" enquired Rachel. She'd realised that we knew something she didn't and was covering our backs.
"Of course."
"Then as long as their date had been announced before the concert, then I would fight to make sure their day was as planned. One day different at this stage shouldn't make any difference to their preparedness."
Helen and I looked at each other and smiled. "Would next Saturday be acceptable?"
"Let me check," said Rachel getting up and going to her desk computer. She tapped away and a few minutes later she looked up with a smile on her face. "There are a few different flights with seats available. How about Jessica and Sam departing Wednesday afternoon and arrive early Thursday morning. They then can depart Monday morning, and arrive back at school late Monday their time?"
"And that would be okay with the school?" I asked, nervous at how much time Jessica and Sam would miss.
"We knew it would happen at some stage, and the basic schedule had already been planned by the S.P.A. administrators. Both headmasters agreed to it."
I thought about asking who or what the S.P.A. was, but every time I'd asked my question had been rebuffed, so I decided now wasn't the time.
"That sounds wonderful," Helen agreed. "Would this be okay to be announced this evening?"
"Let me discuss it with Mr Hobson. Any issues and I'll get back to you."
Helen and I left, big smiles on our faces. We had so much to finalise, but we had our date.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 63
In memory of Annette MacGregor
Saturday, 11th March 2006
"Are you ready?" asked Marcus, entering my room. The interconnecting door to Helen's room was firmly shut. It had seemed very strange sleeping alone last night, but Helen had insisted that she wanted my first sight of her on our Commitment Day to be when she appeared in the Parlour room.
I'd not even seen her at breakfast or lunch. Jessica had made some arrangement with the kitchen staff and brought them up to her bedroom. I wasn't sure how she could have eaten. I'd managed a bit of breakfast, but by lunchtime, I was just too nervous.
"Yeah," I said, looking over myself one last time in the mirror. "I do look okay, don't I?"
"You look perfect."
"Isn't looking perfect Helen's job?"
"I'm sure she'll look perfect too. Come on, let's go down now. We don't want Helen there before you."
"That would be an unusual twist," I laughed.
"It was done a few years ago, so wouldn't be new for this school."
In some respects, the format was so much like a wedding. There was a gathering of people to watch, bridesmaids, a best man and a service. Yet it wasn't a wedding and our words weren't anything like anything normally uttered at one.
Like some at this school, we couldn't be legally married. In our case it was because we were only fourteen. Some had said we were too young to make such a commitment; that fourteen was far too young to know one's mind. I know I wasn't ready for a legal marriage and the commitments that gave. However, I knew that I was ready for this commitment ceremony and what we were going to commit to. Our feelings would be uttered during the ceremony, and some of the basic commitment spoken out loud, but other commitments we would keep private.
In some ways it was like the government saying that children shouldn't get medical treatment for gender dysphoria until they were eighteen. Sometimes, children knew before that date how they felt. This school took the view that some children knew their minds and did perform medical intervention for some students. This stopped them going through the trauma of a puberty that didn't match their mind. The school also let its pupils that desired to make a public commitment. This type of service wasn't for everyone and there was no pressure to undertake it. There were couples in all years, including year-five, that didn't feel a need for such a service; just like some people lived together for fifty years, but never felt the need to be married.
Was there any detriment in allowing us to proclaim how we felt? If we went too far with what we committed to, perhaps. Helen and I had seen what some people had said and we thought we weren't ready for that level of commitment. In some ways our relationship was still growing, and we didn't want to stifle it, and we hoped that would be demonstrated today.
Marcus and I arrived to find the honour guard waiting. As we approached, they stood to attention, unsheathed their swords and created a bridge for us to go under. As we went into the room, the students all stood up and clapped as we walked in.
"Smile and keep your head up," murmured Marcus.
He knew me too well. I felt so embarrassed, but took a deep breath and slowly walked to the front of the room, where there were seats waiting. As we sat, the applause died down and they retook their seats.
"I'm so nervous," I uttered, taking a few deep breaths.
"You're doing great," encouraged Marcus.
"I hope Helen doesn't keep me waiting too long."
"She doesn't appear like the person to do that."
She wasn't. I heard the unsheathing of the swords, and turned to see Sam, our Page Boy. Sam walked down the aisle carrying a pillow with the two broaches we would wear. The basic design of all commitment broaches were the same, but each final product was unique, symbolising the common thread of the ceremony, but the uniqueness of each couple that took part.
As Sam neared the front, Helen entered under the swords, with the bridesmaids following. Through my tears, I saw the glimmer of her silver gown. I blinked and as I saw things slightly clearer, I noticed that this dress fitted her perfectly, just like that dress had when we'd danced the tango. She held on to Andy, who was looking very confident as he accompanied her. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect person to do such a duty, and had been delighted to agree when Helen had asked. With all that had happened, it seemed so right for him to be so involved.
The bridesmaids followed behind, looking nearly as lovely as Helen.
I stood up, with Marcus by my side, and moved to the centre, waiting for my darling to join me. Her radiant smile set my heart beating quicker. As Helen reached the front, the door we'd walked through shut. One of the guards, Dr Sue, took position at that door, and one, Rachel, made their way very ceremoniously to the door at the side of the room. The other guards would stand outside the room. No matter how much digging I'd done, I'd still not found the original of the honour guard. It was obvious that Mr Hobson knew, but when I'd asked he just smiled.
"Enjoy!" uttered Andy as Helen let go of his arm. Such a simple statement, but it meant so much in so many ways. Especially coming from Andy. He gave me a wink and went to take his seat.
Jessica fussed at the back of Helen's small train, making sure her dress was perfect before taking her position next to Helen.
I'd only ever been to one wedding, but I plainly remembering that the service was run by the vicar and the people getting married only had to say a few words. This ceremony, however, was not a wedding, and this is where things differed so much. The head of year four took charge of the service. Susan came up to the front and stood between me and Helen. Her official outfit looked rather regal, and co-ordinated nicely with what the honour guard wore.
"Thank you for coming," Susan started. That got a gentle laugh. It wasn't as if anyone wouldn’t have been there. "Today we are here to witness an open commitment between David and Helen. There have been no objections to this ceremony taking place and now is your last chance."
The room was silent. I glanced nervously around. Under the rules, it would have been quite unusual for there to be an objection, and in the history of the commitment ceremony there hadn't been one. I didn't want ours to be the first.
A gentle beat of a gong at the back of the room signified the time had passed. I hadn't realised that I'd been holding my breath and eagerly took a gulp of air. My earlier fears had been replaced with excitement and longing. As much as I wanted the service to hurry, I also wanted to savour the special occasion. Jill told me later that as the gong sounded a look of shear happiness spread across my face.
Susan reached out and took my right hand and Helen's left and gave them a gentle squeeze. Such a simple act, but it calmed me down a little.
It was now Susan's turn to introduce the service. "Hayfield Hall is an unusual place. It isn't every school which takes students, some which have issues with their education or other problems, and brings out the best in them. That isn't just because of the teachers or other staff, but because of the love of the students to each other. If there wasn't an environment where the pupils cared, nothing the staff could do would help as much. In a world of war, strife, poverty, hunger and apathy such a place should be treasured and we should be grateful we can stand as a beacon of light.
"A few months ago, we were very lucky to meet another beacon of light and the ties between those two places have grown stronger. It is an honour that Sam and Jessica have come back to take part and today's ceremony is being watched live at Immigration Manor.
"Love isn't something to be taken at face value. Too often love is thought of as just a romance between two individuals. Love is that, but it is also something more and a lot deeper. I could simply say that I love Kevin and everyone would be happy with that. If I then said that I also love everyone else at this school, some might raise eyebrows, but isn't that what we do and not realise it? As a school we care for each other to such a degree that if you step back, at the end of the day that can only be described as love.
"Today's ceremony is a commitment service. Commitment is in some ways a harder word than love. Love describes a feeling; it is a state of being. Commitment is something that requires attention and work. True commitment to something doesn't just occur on good days, and often will be tried on the bad. A commitment is not marked today with what they say, but is how such commitments are put into action. Let the deeds speak more than the words. This school doesn't just stand by those that have made public their commitments to each other, but also to help those who keep their commitments private.
"Commitments might not be about relationships, but cover a wide variety of topics. Today's ceremony is unusual as the people taking part are the youngest that this school has ever witnessed. Commitments should be something you believe in, or they are likely to fail. Therefore, what is being committed reflects their choice in that light and not always what has been said in the past by others. They have already been through much and by working together come through a lot. I now call on them to face each other, and speak their commitments with honest hearts."
We turned to face each other. Susan stood back and Sam came forward with the broaches balanced carefully on top of the black pillow. Together we formed a loose square.
"David and Helen. The commitment ceremony is not something to be taken lightly. In this ceremony, you will make certain commitments to each other in front of your fellow students who will act as witnesses to those commitments. Do you both want to make such commitments?"
"I wish to," Helen and I responded in unison.
"Do you both go into this service of your own free will?"
"It is my decision."
"The order that these commitments were to be given was decided earlier. Helen, your name was the first to be pulled out of the bag, so you will make your commitments first. Please repeat them after me. I, Helen Mary Jackson, do wish to make this commitment of my own free will."
"I, Helen Mary Jackson, do wish to make this commitment of my own free will."
Susan paused briefly before continuing in the same unhurried speed, "I promise to take these commitments seriously, and do my best to up hold them."
Helen's response was equally measured, but with obvious excitement. "I promise to take these commitments seriously, and do my best to up hold them."
That was the end of the standard part. Next was what we'd agreed.
"I make this commitment to David Oscar Grant, also sometimes known as Jayne Laura Grant. Twice I've nearly lost you out of my life, the first time when school bullies drove us apart, and the second in Moscow, when you so easily could have been killed. I love you with all my heart and want the world to know it."
Tears filled my eyes as I listened to her earnest and honest tone. I knew what she planned to say, but I wasn't prepared for the bare honesty in how she said it. Being apart for even one night was something neither of us wanted, but we knew would happen. It would be rare at school, but we knew that if we took the employment opportunity we were offered, we knew there could be months where we wouldn't be together.
"We are still young and inexperienced. However, one thing I've found is we have the desire to be together and I commit to being there now and in the future. However, I am aware that relationships formed this young, might not survive, but even if we don't stay together, I commit to being there for you in friendship.
"We are both still finding our feet in the challenges that life has given us. We both have baggage from before we joined the school and also baggage from our time at the school. Your final chosen gender means nothing to me. It is your heart and soul that I love. It doesn't matter to me if you look like David or Jayne; you are the same person who I love with all my heart."
Susan let the silence ride for a few moments. "David, are you ready?"
"Yes."
"Okay, then please repeat after me. I, David Oscar Grant, do wish to make this commitment of my own free will."
I repeated.
"I promise to take these commitments seriously, and do my best to up hold them."
I repeated what Susan said, and took a deep breath to prepare myself for the words I would say to Helen.
"I make this commitment to Helen Mary Jackson also sometime know as Christopher James Jackson. You have been there for me as we grew up and helped me so often. We have been through things that nobody should, let alone at our age. Life has brought us together in a way neither of us expected. I never thought I would find love, but in you I have found a friend, a confidant, and someone not only that I love, but someone who loves me back in return.
"Since we found love there has been two occasions when we haven't been together at night. The first time I was alone, even when you were only next door. The second time was a frightening time, but we were lucky to have people to help us through that night. I'm aware that there will be other times we'll not be together, and want you to know that I will always miss you as much as I missed you the first night we were apart.
"A singer once wrote: 'I wanna hold you till I die; till we both break down and cry. I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides.' There is nothing more special than the simple hug or cuddle that we often share. It seems to work for all occasions. For the expected romance, love, lust; but also for things like fear. Without you my life wouldn't be whole and I certainly wouldn't be half the person I am today. Helen, I love you with all my heart, and commit to being with you."
Sam, who had waited patiently, raised the pillow, "I present these broaches to be a reminder of your commitments to each other. Wear them with honesty. Wear them with pride. Wear them with commitment."
Since Helen was the first to make her spoken commitments, I was to pin the broach onto her first.
"Helen, I offer you this broach with my heart yearning. Will you accept it?"
"I accept, my heart filled with hope."
I took the broach, moved forward and pinned it just above Helen's left breast. I then moved back and waited to see which words Helen would use.
"David, I offer you this broach with my mind filled with excitement for our future. Will you accept it?"
"I accept, my mind planning how to fill your future with excitement."
Helen took the second broach and pinned it in the same position I had.
Once we were back in our square, Susan spoke her final words of the ceremony. "By giving and accepting broaches and with your spoken words, I now turn to the students."
Everyone stood.
"Do you commit to supporting David and Helen in their commitments to each other?"
"We commit," came the response.
Susan smiled and asked us, "Do you plan to do the traditional finale?"
"Of course," Helen said with a big smile. I just blushed.
We walked slowly down the aisle, just the two of us, arm-in-arm. We reached the door, which was opened for us. We separated and I walked through, with Helen staying just inside the room. I turned to face her, and we kissed over the door threshold. And what a kiss it was. We'd been practicing our after service kiss for weeks, we didn't really need the excuse, but it made us feel good. When our lips parted, it was like the world had ceased to exist.
When I regained my senses we made our way to the hall. The chairs had been moved, with some tables, presumably from the dining room, dotted around. On the left side was this enormous buffet.
"How much food," I gasped, as I took it all in.
"Just the right amount," said Andy, as he walked in with Marcus, their arms linked.
"This is a sight I've never seen before. You two have shown boy-girl affection and girl-girl affection, but I've never seen a romantic Andy and Marcus."
Andy stuck out his tongue at me, but Marcus just took Andy and gave him such a rough, masculine kiss. This wasn't unnoticed by the people coming into the room, and got a huge cheer of encouragement. Poor Andy looked very embarrassed, but Marcus just turned to me and asked, "Will that do?"
I had to laugh, as did Andy when he'd recovered. I'm not quite sure why he was embarrassed, but he seemed to recover quickly enough.
A school dance wasn't something that happened at the school very often, so when it did we all let down our hair and had a great time. The American school were going to hold a party in our honour. The curfew was waved, as it wouldn't be right for the guests of honour to be in bed before it finished. So it was in the early hours that we eventually made our way to our rooms.
All night, I'd found it hard to keep my hands off Helen. That dress just fit her like a glove. Over the months since the revue, she had developed and seeing her in such a dress had been causing me so many issues, especially in the smoochie dances.
"My turn," said Helen as we got to my door.
"Sorry?"
She opened the door and backed in, blocking the door. I smiled as I realised what she meant. We stood with Helen in the room and I was in the corridor. She took me into her arms, and we kissed. Jill and Anna must have passed, as the next day there was a picture of it in my email.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 64
Monday, 27th March 2006
This trip was like the trip to Moscow, fly in, do the concert and leave. Unlike the trip to Moscow, our clothing was more unusual. All the females had scarfs in our hand luggage and more formal Hijabs in case we needed them.
"I feel strange wearing this long jacket," mentioned Emma, as we got off the coach at Luton airport.
"It's called a manteau" reminded Jill, showing off her research. "It's what we should wear in Iran to fit in."
"But aren't they supposed to be black?"
"Only if you want to stand out, or go into the villages. Yes, their government make women wear certain clothes, but they make the most of them and try to look as fashionable as possible."
There wasn't a direct flight to Tehran, so we were going to have to change plane in Turkey. I'd only flown on two trips before, once to Scotland and the other time to Russia. Both times they were direct flights, so having to change planes was a completely new experience. Having the school only thirty minutes from the local airport made trips away simple. Sure, we wouldn't be able to fly to somewhere like Australia from there, but for trips around Europe it was very handy.
We had to worry about our luggage at the airport, but all our instruments were being handled by the school, which I was grateful for. The French Horn wasn't the heaviest instrument, but after carting it around for a bit, does get weary on the arms. We also didn't have to worry about them at the transfer in Turkey, but we did have to claim back our luggage and recheck in for our onward trip to Tehran.
This was the first time the school had been into Iran, so it was something new for all years. As we eventually departed Mehrabad airport, we all tried to grab a window seat in the coach. Obviously, there were a lot of disappointment, but I wasn't one of them. I'd flipped a coin with Helen earlier on the trip. She got the window seat on the plane, and I got the window seat in the coach which was the short straw. By the time we'd got onto the coach, it was dark.
When we drew outside the hotel, we all stopped chatting. We'd been told we were stopping in a nice hotel, but no matter how much digging I'd done, I'd not been able to find out which one we were stopping at. The hotel we'd stopped at in France had been more of a family hotel, as had the one in Moscow. This one was like a five-star hotel. There was even a red carpet waiting for us to step off the coach.
"Okay, listen up," said Mr Hobson from the front of the coach. The driver had hopped out and was getting out the luggage. "This is a bit different from what we normally stop in, so please be on your best behaviour. They don't do student accommodation, so we will be taking up most of their twin rooms. Since all study partners are amazingly same-sex, there shouldn't be any issues with room sharing. Please remember what I said about last night about respect the local law – homosexuality is illegal and the punishment can be the death penalty. The chances are that they wouldn't do that to you, but we don't want to take that chance. Also, sex outside marriage is illegal, but since we have a school rule of no sex, that shouldn't be an issue, should it?"
Mr Hobson gave a firm stare at several people, including myself and Helen. Eventually he continued, "When you get off the coach, collect your luggage from the driver and make your way in pairs to the front desk where Mr Yates should be waiting. You will be given a room key each. Now nobody has ever lost a key, so please don't do so now. It's late, so try to get a good night sleep and we'll all meet up for our breakfast. Tomorrow will be a day to get acclimatised, and Wednesday the concert is in the evening. Any questions?"
There wasn't any, and we all filed out of the coach in an orderly style, being handed an envelope with local money in it. We were just walking towards the entrance when it started to gently rain.
"I thought we'd escaped the rain by coming to the middle east," sighed Helen, a tad theatrically.
"I went to Luxor a few years ago," said Anna. "Now that was a dry area. They are lucky to have a single hour's rain a year."
"Now that is the type of place we need to do a concert, "Emma agreed behind us in the queue. "Heat, no rain, and lots of interesting things to see."
Tuesday, 28th March 2006
I groaned as the alarm woke us up. The time change was too drastic, but it still made me feel like I was waking up in the middle of the night. It was bad enough having to get up early to make it to the airport the day before, but now I just wanted to sleep.
"Come on," encouraged Helen, sounding far too chirpy.
I looked at her with bleary eyes. "Are you serious?"
"I thought you would want to have a look around and explore that park we saw on the map."
I did, but it still felt too early. "Ooh, snow," said Helen, which jolted me quickly out of bed.
"Snow?" I said, almost fearfully. This was Tehran, they shouldn't have snow.
Helen pulled the curtains open a bit, and I could see the nearby mountains, which had snow on them. There wasn't any on the ground in the city.
"Don't worry me like that," I pouted. I still remember the cold in Moscow. "I thought it was going to be nice and warm here."
"About 17 Celsius, is what was forecast, so a bit better than home, but not much."
After the buffet breakfast, where we all met up, Mr Hobson gave us our morning pep talk.
"The morning is to do with what you like," said Mr Hobson. "However, please stay in groups no smaller than four of you. At 1pm, we will meet at the front of the hotel to go and see the Azadi Tower which you all saw on the journey from the airport. I think it will add to the cultural side of the trip."
"So where shall we go first?" Anna asked, getting a little map out of her pocket.
"The hotel receptionist said there was a metro station down that street that we could use to get to The Grand Bazaar," Martha pointed to an area a few streets away.
"That would be fun," I agreed. "After that can we go to Laleh Park?"
Helen glanced across and smiled. She'd mentioned this the other day. Erika, Martha, Anna and Jill all readily agreed.
The six of us were soon out, enjoying seeing the sites in a new city. Apart from wearing a scarf on my head, it wasn't much different from going out in the UK. The manteau wasn't much different from a jacket/coat.
"Good work Jill and Anna with your research," I murmured. "We really do fit in."
"I think we need more fashionable glasses though," added Helen. "I feel rather plain in what I'm wearing."
The city was more of a surprise. For some reason, I'd expected it to look rather run down, but it looked just like a modern city, and had the traffic to match. Iran might be despised by some, but it was certainly appeared to be affluent. Perhaps the oil helped kept the country ticking.
The metro was where we were told and what was surprising was the signs were in English as well as Persian. As we waited, a woman who looked to be in her early twenties approached us and said in English, "Women only carriages are at the front and back."
She waved as if for us to follow. We looked at each other and decided to do just that. Having a local help like that was not what we expected.
The train whistled into the station and we saw that the advice we'd been given was indeed correct. We were at the front carriage, and it was just for women. I felt a bit of a fraud getting into that carriage. What if someone noticed or said something? Helen looked a bit angry at first, thinking we were going to be put in inferior transport, but as the train arrived, we could see that the middle part of the train was packed. It had a lot of men in it, but there were some mixed couples there too. There'd been a lot of pushing and shoving in the middle areas, but in the women only carriage it seemed more relaxed.
"How did you know we weren't local?" Helen asked her in Persian as we sat down in the train.
She looked surprised that we didn't speak English to her. "You looked lost, and you're dressed too formally. Loosen up your scarf and show a bit more hair will help you not stand out as much."
"Thank you," said Helen.
"At least you speak like a local," the woman replied and stood up to get off at her stop. We never found out her name.
We arrived at the entrance to the bazaar and was surprised how large it was. The whole place was bustling and felt real. We went quickly through the first section, just in case that was a tourist trap, but it was like there was every conceivable thing for sale.
"I wonder what Mr Hobson would say if we bought a rug?" said Erika as we gazed at the most stunning rugs I'd seen.
"I think he'd have a hissy fit," Anna responded. We all nodded in agreement.
I think Mr Taylor would blow his top over the security, but that wasn't something I felt I could mention aloud. The rest of the school might know that some of the helpers where alpha members, but they didn't know who.
We came across a stall that was selling bronze cook wear. Jill slid across to take a closer look.
"Now that's something I'd love to get when I leave school," she said to Anna. "Even if we never use it, having some hang in the kitchen would look perfect."
"And I'll let you keep polishing it too," retorted Anna. "How much cleaning do you think it will need to keep it shining like that?"
Jill sighed, but kept looking. The stall owner kept his eye on us, but never approached. He was too busy on his mobile phone.
"Do you miss cooking?" I asked, as we moved on to look in a jeweller's window.
"Oh yes," Jill responded with a hint of sadness in her voice. "I used to cook at least once a week at home, and found it so relaxing."
"She was good at it too," added Anna. "I still remember her stroganoff when you had to stay at my house. Her sister and mum were wonderful cooks too."
"Hey, you helped with the stroganoff."
"Only a little. I doubt I'd have ever attempted something like that without you there."
"Have you ever asked if you could help out in the school kitchen?" Helen asked.
"But isn't that out of bounds?"
"Jayne and I had a go when we made those desserts. I'm sure if you are good enough then Justin will let you help in his kitchen. I've seen some of the higher years help out."
"Yes, but that's part of their preparation for leaving school, isn't it?"
"Some of it, yes. I do remember Justin saying that we wouldn't leave school without us knowing how to cook properly. However, I do know that some people like cooking more than others and have been known to just appear."
Jill looked dubious, but Anna seemed set on finding out when we got back to Hayfield Hall.
After an hour, we made our way back to the metro so we could explore around Laleh Park. The return journey on the metro was a lot simpler, as we'd been on it before and knew what to do.
We were just about to enter the park when a white van came screeching to a halt and the side door opened. Two men jumped out and tried to grab Jill. Whoever they were hadn't expected half a dozen determined girls. Erika kicked one of the thugs in the balls, while Anna and Martha were helping Jill get away from the clutches of the other thug.
"Ooh, you bitch," that thug groaned in French, and tried to grab her, but she moved away quicker than he could react.
Helen and I positioned ourselves between the van and the melee to make sure that Jill, nor anybody else was taken.
"Louis Jumelet?" I called out loudly. This was a gamble that the only person we'd identified in the school leak was involved in this grab and he knew French. I'd no idea what he looked like, but it was the only thing that I could think off.
That instantly stopped the two men and they turned to look at me. "How do you know my name?" the shorter one asked in French.
The four girls that weren't in the know looked very confused. Jill tried to wrestle herself from his grip, but he held on tightly. Two other men jumped out of the van, one of them went for me and the other went for Martha.
"The Supplier will not be happy that you can't even grab a girl from the street," I taunted in French. I felt this was payback for him ringing my mum.
In their confusion Erika managed to get another perfect kick. The guy who'd just grabbed Martha yelped in pain as her foot hit his groin and released her. Helen shouted to them, "Run."
Anna, Jill Helen and I weren't as lucky as we got pushed into the van. Before we could try to escape, the door got slid shut, and the driver took off at high speed. Moments later our heads were covered by a hood and we could no longer see where we were being taken. I felt my body being tapped and my travel phone being found and confiscated.
* * *
Getting taken like that wasn't a good idea, but it was far better than us all getting taken. I hoped that Erika and Martha would get help for us without the mole finding out.
It must have been twenty minutes later that we came to a stop. Our hoods and bindings were roughly removed. I rubbed my aching wrists and I glanced around, and saw we were in what looked like a small deserted garage. I looked back out of the door, but saw no houses, just open land. Inside, the repair ramps looked like they'd had better days. I had no idea where we were. I looked at Helen to make sure she was okay. She didn't have any obvious injuries, but looked very angry. Knowing she didn't have her emotions under control, I scrunched up my eyes.
"You killed my Mother," screamed Jill in French, trying her best to get out of her captor's grip. I opened my eyes in surprise. Jill having a go at the captors was the last thing I expected. It was more something Helen would do.
"Why did you grab us?" Helen yelled also in French. Oh perfect.
One of the men went to slap her, but Louis grabbed him just before he struck.
"We were told they weren't to be harmed," Louis reminded the thug. He then turned to Helen. "We grabbed you because you were stupid enough to get in our way. But since you know who I am, then I think you'll do just fine. The boss will be here soon, so you'll just have to wait in the back."
He then turned to Jill. "Why don't you tell me who you are, and I'll tell you why I killed your Mum?" Jill, then realised they didn't know who she was, and wanted to keep it that way. She shook her head. Louis just smiled.
We were manhandled towards a door at the rear of the garage. Helen saw that I wasn't struggling and calmed down a bit. There was a time to fight and now it wouldn't help. I wanted to save my energy for when it was needed. Anna and Jill though didn't keep calm and kept trying to get away, which led to them being dragged quite firmly.
"I can walk on my own", Helen grumbled, but the men weren't taking any chances. A man with a gun was standing by the door and he opened it, and we were pushed inside. The clang of the slammed door reverberated as we took stock of our situation.
There was a worn-out settee and a few chairs. Anna and Jill looked a bit shocked and I steered them to the settee. Helen looked peeved and prowled around the room like a tiger in a zoo cage.
"Getting kidnapped and we aren't even in the beta team," said Jill quietly with a slight sarcastic tone.
Anna didn't say anything, but just sat as close to Jill as she could without sitting on her lap.
"I didn't expect to be kidnapped either," added Helen, as she continued to examine the room.
"Did they take your phone?" Jill asked to all of us.
"Yes," I sighed. Helen added hers was taken too.
"So, they'll never find us," uttered Jill trying not to sound upset, but failing. Anna cuddled her closer.
After fiddling near a small window close to the ceiling Helen came to join us and dragged a decrepit chair to sit in front of Anna and Jill. "They said we weren't to be harmed. They didn't kidnap us for spite, so must have a plan. All we need to do is wait. They will find us."
Both Jill and Anna looked dubious even though Helen sounded very confident. I hoped Helen was remembering back to our first week at Hayfield like I had.
"So, how did you find out your Dad was really Julia?" I asked Jill, trying to distract her and Anna.
"Haven't I told you?" Jill responded, sounding puzzled.
"No. You haven't told us any of your time in Milton Keynes before you joined the school. Anna, also we know nothing of your time after you left for Milton Keynes."
Helen smiled at my tactic.
"The worst thing about moving was losing Jill and all my friends. I had Erika, but that was it. Where we lived before was a large village. Milton Keynes, even though it's a town, is big enough to be called a city. I'd gone from somewhere where the number of shops you could count on your fingers to one where there was a huge shopping centre, a big cinema and indoor ski slope. I felt a bit lost."
"Lost?"
"I didn't know where anything was. I remember going to Wolverhampton, or Stafford and knew where everything was. Here, the centre was a short bus ride away, but I knew no one to share the adventure with, apart from Erika. It sounds bad, but when Jill arrived it made things seem better. The gang was back. I just wish it wasn't because of what happened, if you know what I mean."
"So what did you do when Jill moved to Milton Keynes?"
Jill shrugged, not looking at all happy about this conversation.
"Bill was so distraught," added Anna, pulling Jill in towards her. "The first week Bill spent as much time at my parent's house as with her father. All we did was show love, and was there. It was so hard as it was like Bill had shut part of himself away. At the time, we didn't realise that was a deliberate thing, but it just made things so much harder."
"Sorry," murmured Jill, a few tears trickling down her cheek. I was surprised it wasn't more, but maybe she had sobbed this out many times.
"So how did you discover about Julia?" Helen asked, trying to get Jill back to my question.
"It was about a week after I'd moved to Milton Keynes," started Jill, wiping the dampness from her cheek. "We'd gone for a walk around Caldecotte lake, which wasn't far from where we lived. There was a three-year-old boy playing at the edge of the lake and he got a bit close. He was throwing some bread to a duck and forgot to let go of the bread and slipped in. His mother couldn't swim and was frantic. Dad didn't hesitate, but just jumped in and grabbed the boy."
"That was very brave," commented Helen. I nodded in agreement.
"So, Dad jumped in and pulled the poor boy out. This was January, so not only was it very cold, the water was very cold too. We all rushed back to the cars where the mother had a spare blanket to wrap him in and rushed to take him to the hospital to be checked out. This just left me and Dad."
Jill paused.
"And?" prompted Helen, eager to hear more.
"Dad's clothes were soaked," continued Jill her eyes focusing on the door to the room. Anna pulled Jill deeper into her embrace. "They were literally dripping onto the floor. I took off my coat, so Dad could have something to keep him warm. When he removed his, I saw that the baggy wool jumper was no longer baggy but clingy. I could see an outline of breasts."
"Do you think they would give us some water?" asked Anna, stopping Jill from progressing further.
Internally I sighed. This had been a good distraction for Anna and Jill.
Helen and I did Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who would ask for water. Helen won, and opted to do it. She went and banged on the door. When it opened, we saw the guard was brandishing a gun.
"Can we have some water?" Helen asked in Farsi. He didn't look like he understood, so repeated herself in French, which he seemed to get.
"I'll sort," he responded in French. He waved his gun and I pulled Helen inside. The guard shut us back in.
"There's no way out that way," I murmured, gently placing my right hand on Helen's shoulder.
"But..." started Helen but was interrupted as the door was opened.
One of the guards had two large bottles of water, the other guard stood back away from the door, his gun pointed toward us just in case we tried to make a move.
As we took the offered water we heard raised voices coming from the front of the garage. One was female which surprised me, but they were too far away to work out what was being said.
Just as the door shut, a single gunshot rang out.
Having all done shooting at the school firing range, all four of us knew what a gun sounded like, so there was no hiding it from Jill or Anna. I expected them to be frightened, but the two non-Beta's didn't appear concerned.
"Do you think we're being rescued?" asked Jill, sounding hopeful.
I'd not thought of that and glanced across at Helen. She shrugged, seemingly not having thought about it being a rescue attempt. Surely there would have been more shooting if we were being rescued? It didn't take long before the door flew open. Instead of being rescued, a body was shoved into the room and the door slammed shut. The trousers on the new arrival were covered in blood.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 65
Tuesday, 28th March 2006 (cont)
We rushed across and saw it was Tracy Dine. She was semi-conscious, murmuring, "Don't kill my sister."
"Let me take a look," said Anna, helping Dr Dine across to the settee. "I'm going to have to remove your trousers to get to the wound."
"No," responded Dr Dine, becoming a bit more awake. "Just find something to compress the wound with."
She swung her leg onto the settee, so it was parallel to the rest of her.
"Helen, see if there is a first aid kit," I ordered, taking off my coat and removing my polo shirt. I used the top to press onto the wound.
Helen wasn't the only one looking. Jill and Anna leapt to search the dingy office. It was to no avail. There wasn't anything useful, just some old papers and a half empty can of oil.
"What are we going to do?" queried Anna, all the fear from earlier dissipated. It was like a switch had flipped and she was like she was in school, a confident young woman.
"Pray that compression is enough," responded Helen in a very matter of fact way.
I looked across and saw Helen was fastening up her coat, her polo shirt in her hands. "Let me take over for a bit," she offered.
I nodded, and she knelt next to me. "On three. One … two … three."
Helen added her shirt and mine came away. I wiped my hands on the side of the settee to try and get some of the blood off them and then washed them with some of the drinking water. Only then did I attempt to put my jacket back on.
"Her pulse is rather rapid," said Anna, trying to help. "Do you think she'll be okay?"
"It's difficult to tell," I responded glad to no longer be just in my bra. "She needs to be in hospital. We are trying to stop the bleeding by applying compression to the wound. Give it chance to clot."
I felt frustrated. I'd watched two surgeries, and nothing I'd seen prepared me for now. The surgeries had been planned and followed set procedures. Even when things went wrong, the experts had all there training to fall back on. We were just four school kids, trying to look after someone shot in the leg. Instead of a nice clean operating theatre, we were in a small dingy office. At least none of us were panicking.
Jill went up to the door and banged loudly.
"What are you doing?" hissed Anna.
"I'm going to tell them that Tracy needs the hospital," responded Jill, banging again.
"Stop it," begged Anna, rushing across to stop Jill.
The door swung open just as Anna got there revealing not one of The Supplier's gang, but Mr Taylor.
"We need medical assistance," I called out when I saw him. "Dr Dine has been shot in the leg."
"Rachel, over here," Mr Taylor called loudly, taking off his backpack.
"You can let go of her leg now," Mr Taylor said to Helen, as his large hands took her place. "You've done well."
Rachel gave a stifled cry as she saw Tracy lying on the settee and was soon rummaging through Mr Taylors bag. This was the last we saw of Tracy as we were ushered out of the room.
There was a dirty sink in a dingy toilet that Helen and I were able to clean our hands of the blood. Our hands might have been blood free, but I couldn't shake the picture of Dr Dine injured the way she was.
When we got to the awaiting car, we were handed our phones. They'd been found switched off in a drawer at the garage. The driver was Julia.
Julia stood there, wanting to hug her child, but held back, knowing the rules. Anna took the initiative and pushed Jill towards Julia. The two were soon hugging and crying over each other. After a few seconds, Julia beckoned to Anna, and she joined in the family hug.
"About time," Mr Taylor murmured from behind. "Too many rules spoiling family time."
"What now, sir?" I enquired.
"Hotel, clean up and debriefing. Most of the school has been out on an extended trip, so they might have noticed you aren't there, but hopefully won't enquire too much. It will give you chance to sort yourselves out without too many questions."
"Thanks. But what about Dr Dine?"
"You all did an excellent job in saving her. Dr Ruiz didn't have to do much more than seal the wound a bit better. She is being taken to a friendly surgeon who will make sure she is okay and if so, will probably fly out tonight where she can be looked after closer to home."
"That's good," said Helen, "but what about her at the school?"
"That's for Mr Hobson to decide."
"Just so you know, when she was slightly delirious, she was murmuring about wanting them not to kill her sister. If she was aiding them, it might not have been willingly."
"I'll get someone to check on her sister. The last we knew Cheryl was working in France as a tour rep."
"What happened to Louis Jumelet and the other that took us?"
"We saw them leaving, just as we got here. Our priority was to make sure you were all okay, rather than catch them. We made sure our approach was rather obvious. We didn't want to risk a gun fight where you could have been hostages. Mrs Toms appears to have finished her family time, so let her drive you back to the hotel. You have a concert tomorrow, and you need to concentrate on that."
"Yes, Sir," Helen and I responded in unison.
* * *
After Helen and I had had a shower. A message was on our PDA reminding us to stay in our rooms; Rachel was back and would see us after seeing Anna and Jill. I put the PDA into scan mode or bugs and went through the room.
"So, we just have to hang around?" huffed Helen. "We've just been sitting around for the past few hours."
"I know," I soothed, continuing to walk through the room. "If we'd known we could have had a longer shower."
I wiggled my eyebrows and she laughed. Unfortunately, our conversation didn't go further as there was a knock on the door.
I put my fingers to my lips and went to answer. The corridor to the door was the last area to scan.
I let in Mr Taylor and as we went into the room, I showed him the clear signal on my phone.
"Good thinking," he smiled.
Helen rushed to move one of the two chairs from around a side table, so he could sit down. Helen and I sat at the edge of Helen’s bed, since it was closer to the table.
When we were all seated, Mr Taylor didn't waste time opening with the line, "What happened?"
I gave a detailed summary, which Mr Taylor recorded. "That was great. I need to talk with my colleagues, but I will be back in about fifteen minutes. I need to do a more detailed interview."
"What about our chat with Dr Ruiz?"
"She is busy with Anna and Jill. As you said, Jill was the target of a kidnapping and that is going to take up some time."
When Mr Taylor returned, he wasn't alone. With him was Rachel and following behind was Stacy. He was also carrying a box.
"Are Anna and Jill okay?" Helen asked, when she saw Rachel. I'd thought that she would have been with Anna and Jill for longer than she had been.
"They are okay for now. However, I'm sure there might be bumps as they process what happened. For instance, you Helen only found out your problem after Russia until you got back to Hayfield."
"I'm going to ask you to go through your story again, but in some more detail," explained Mr Taylor, putting the box down next to his chair. "Stacy is here as close friend. Dr Ruiz thought it was a good idea for someone close if you need."
"I'm here to make sure you are okay with what Mr Taylor askes. Also, to make sure I know what happened. Therefore, if you need extra help, I know the background without having to put you through asking."
"No Brenda?" I enquired as Stacy joined myself and Helen on the bed.
"She's with Anna and Jill. Erika and Martha are there too."
Helen and I nodded. That made sense to us. They weren't alone but were with friends.
"This is going to be a detailed walkthrough," said Mr Taylor. "We will slowly go over each interaction you had with the kidnappers. Helen, why don't you tell us."
"We were just about to enter Laleh Park when a white van pulled up and two men jumped out of the side door."
"Stop," interrupted Mr Taylor, making me jump a bit. I wasn't expecting to stop so soon, we'd only just started going through things in detail. "Let's examine the van. You said it was white. Were there any markings on it?"
"No, it was just white," I said, thinking back. "There wasn't even any dirt on it. It looked like it had just been washed."
Mr Taylor reached into the box and pulled out two tablets. "I'd like you to separate and both look at a tablet each. It has pictures of different vans that are popular in Tehran. See if you can see the type they drove."
I took one of the offered tablets and swiped across several sets of pictures. Stacy sat between us so that we didn't peep at the other tablet. Eventually I found two that it could be and marked them both.
"I'm sorry," I said handing mine back. "There is two that I thought it could be."
Helen soon after handed hers back. "I was unsure. I've put what I think it was, but I may be wrong. It happened so fast."
"That's fine," reassured Mr Taylor taking the offered tablet with a disarming smile.
He looked at the results and smiled. "Well, you both seem to have chosen the same vehicle."
"Now let's go back and look at the first two men that jumped out. You mentioned one was Louis Jumelet, can you pick him out from any of these pictures?"
For the next hour, we looked at photos, drew pictures of the ones we didn't know and then moved on to talk about how we responded. During this Rachel just sat, watched and listened. Stacy also didn't say anything, but she was there showing both of us support.
"Thank you," said Mr Taylor as he put everything back in the box. "I think you both handled the situation…". He paused trying to find the words. "Admirably. You were calm and saved Miss Dines life. Having someone try to kidnap you wasn't on anybody's thoughts. I do know Mr Hobson isn't happy, so will be putting something new in place. We have some extra security coming from one of the European schools to help. They should be here later tonight."
"Thank you, sir" Helen responded. I just blushed.
"It's a shame we didn't manage to catch Louis Jumelet. I know he is wanted in at least five countries, and probably more. It's just nobody knew what he looked like, until now."
For the first time, Rachel spoke. "Do you feel you will be able to perform in tomorrow's concert?"
Helen and I glanced at each other, and then turned towards Rachel. I couldn't believe she would ask us such a question, and it showed on our faces. Music was our love. Music sang to our soul. Music was what brought the entire school together and shone as a beacon that different was good. They might not know we were different, but we did. We could do. We will do.
Rachel didn't take our looks as an answer. "I need a verbal response," she prodded.
"Yes, I will take part," I responded.
"Not even The Supplier can keep me from playing," added Helen.
"I'll leave you to your friends," said Rachel getting up from her chair. Mr Taylor gave us a thumbs-up and followed her out, carrying his box cradled in his arms.
"I thought Rachel would have asked us more than that," I commented after the door had shut.
"I can get her back if you want," playfully responded Stacy and got raspberries from both myself and Helen.
"It's coming up to the evening meal," said Helen, looking at the time on the phone. "We missed lunch."
I turned to Stacy. "As head student, can you inform the other year heads that Tracy was taken ill and is being flown back home. Hopefully, that will stop too many enquiries."
"I will do," Stacy responded, with a slight smile. "I'll do it individually, so not to cause more questions."
As Stacy opened the door, Mr Hobson was there, about to knock.
* * *
When we joined the rest from our year, including Anna and Jill for the meal there was nothing mentioned about us being missing. There were a few squeezes of hands, in some ways to confirm we were there, but no questions.
"Wasn't Azadi Tower wonderful," said Brian to Lewis as we were all eating. "Such ornate structure and all in marble."
I glanced across and Helen wondering why they were rubbing it in that we weren't there.
"The lattice like structure from looking up from the bottom was great," agreed Lewis. "But the traffic all around the park was chaos."
Emma and Paula started joining in and started to describe things in such detail. It was then that I released that they were trying to impart what happened while we were absent. I loved these guys.
It wasn't until we were finishing our meal that the conversation turned from the Azadi Tower visit to tomorrow's concert. At no time did anybody mention what had happened to us.
"Any idea where Tracy is?" quietly asked Martha as we were walking back to our rooms.
"She's been taken ill and is being flown back to the UK," Helen responded.
"Oh," said Martha a bit crestfallen. "I hope it isn't too serious."
"So do I," sighed Helen. "But one of those things to discuss when we are safely back in our year room."
Martha's eyes opened wide in surprise. "Oh?!"
Wednesday, 29th March 2006
The alarm rang, waking us from a fitful sleep. Two single beds weren’t the best environment when all you wanted to do was cuddle the one you loved. It would have been bad being in separate beds at the best of times, but after yesterday it wasn’t the best of times. Not the worst of times, but certainly not the best.
"How are you feeling?" I asked Helen as we both reluctantly got out of bed.
A deep sigh was her only response. Well, that and a "are you kidding me" look. I just stared back at her with my eyebrows slightly raised. "Look, can we talk about it tomorrow when we're home?"
I nodded and trundled off to have a shower. Alone. One thing I did notice is that when I had a joint shower, it always seemed to take longer.
When I got back to the bedroom, Helen was sat on her bed, hugging her pillow and staring out of the window into the distance.
I didn't say anything, but sat down next to her, and put my arms around her. Her stare didn't change, but she did shift slightly, coming in closer. There weren't any tears, so I just waited, my arm letting her know I was there.
"Why us?" she eventually asked.
There wasn't any upset or anger in her voice, just puzzlement. I didn't say anything but just continued to hold her.
"Are you jinxed?" she asked, turning towards me for the first time.
"I hope not," I replied, glad she was not just staring into the distance. "At our last concert, I wasn't the one who got to stay away on the last night."
"Oh, that's true," she agreed, putting her arm around me. "Will you still love me if I'm the jinx?"
"You're no jinx," I reassured. "We've had a few exciting trips. I bet the next few years will be boring with no extra activity."
"I hope so," said Helen getting up. "I better get ready quick, or we'll miss breakfast."
* * *
Breakfast was just like the day before and like the day before, we had a little pep talk from Mr Hobson.
"Our itinerary is changing slightly," Mr Hobson announced after we'd all eaten. "Our practice and concert are still the same, but an earlier flight has become available. So, I want you to go back to your rooms, and pack your suitcases. These can be loaded onto the coach. We will checkout in three hours."
There wasn't any grumbling, or complaints. As we walked back to our rooms, nothing was said about the early departure. Everybody acted as if it was part of the plan to leave tonight. That's when I realised that everybody knew something had happened but knew from what was said after the Russia trip that this wasn't to be discussed in the open.
When we got to our room, I noticed that the lamp over Helen's bed was switched off. We'd left it on. I put my fingers to my lips and pulled out the PDA and scanned the room. The screen started flashing red. The room was bugged.
I twisted the phone so Helen could see the flashing screen. She nodded and grabbing the suitcase, said "Packing is such a pain."
"Tell me about it," I added.
I wondered if we should spin a yarn, to put off whoever was listening, but we had no idea who it was. There were several parties that sprang to mind.
1. The Supplier and his crew
2. Iranian security services
3. The Russians
4. The French
5. The British
Making something up could tip whoever was listening that we knew they were listing. I knew the information that a bug had been found would have been transmitted to Mr Taylor and Stacy, so there wasn't anything I needed to do. They would make sure their rooms were clear. Our standing instructions for this scenario was to leave it alone and carry on as per normal but to watch what we said.
Then there was Mr Hobson's announcement. He wanted us to get out of Dodge. Was it the kidnapping, or did he know something we didn't?
Over the twenty minutes to pack, Helen and I kept up a conversation about the music we were playing and the Grand Bazaar. I'm sure whoever was listening found it a riveting conversation.
"It's a shame we didn't manage to Laleh Park," sighed Helen as she zipped up her suitcase.
It was that statement that gave me the craziest idea I'd ever had. Even crazier than being dressed as Jayne in Iran. I pulled out my beta PDA and did some quick investigation.
"We do have a few hours," I pondered aloud.
Helen gave me a what the…look.
I pointed towards the bugged lamp and Helen adlibbed. "We'd have to make it quick before someone at the school missed us."
I have a big thumbs up to that. If it was The Supplier, it would be a big hint that we'd be alone. If not, this might be a big waste of time.
When we'd left the room. Helen hissed, "What are you playing at?"
"Mr Taylor said yesterday they were adding extra security. I was thinking of us being bait so The Supplier can be captured."
"Are you nuts?" Helen responded. "That's deliberately putting us in danger."
"A little. But with security around, we should be okay. Do you want to try this?"
"Well Mr Hobson didn't ask for us not to go outside, so we won't be breaking any rules. I can't say I'm thrilled, but I don't want to always be worried going out. "
As we went down the lift, I put my Bluetooth into my ear, and made sure it was hidden under my hijab. As the lift doors opened, I dialled Mr Taylor.
"Good spot on the bug," was his opening line.
"Thank you, sir. However, I wasn't ringing about that."
"No, you're ringing because you want to be bait, and thought ringing when you got off the lift would be a great time to tell me your plan."
I internally gasped and looked around and eventually spotted him, with a young-looking Stacy and Brenda. They were to the left of the lift, so outside the sightline of anybody getting off the lift. "Helen, look left," I muttered.
"Oh shit", she muttered when she saw them.
Indeed. We moved across to see how much trouble we were in. I wanted to hold Helen's hand for support. But having two people of the same sex show affection in public wasn't a good idea in a country where that was illegal.
"What were you playing at?" scalded Mr Taylor. "I thought you were taught you better. You don't do something like that without a plan."
"I had a plan," I retorted. "According to tracking, there is security in the café opposite and scattered down the road we would have gone down. I presume they are looking for white vans and tagging them?"
"They might," Mr Taylor responded cautiously. "So why do you want to go out if you know we are looking?"
"Two reasons. One, we didn't want to be afraid of going out. And two. I thought that they might have followed us, and called the van in. If so, they aren't likely to just cruise around looking."
"So why are you two made up like your sixteen?" Helen asked Brenda and Stacy.
"Because we had exactly the same plan as you," admitted Stacy. "We were just stopped like you were."
I couldn't help it but gave a small laugh. Soon all four of us students were tittering, and Mr Taylor looked at us with bewilderment.
When we calmed down, I said, "You're not going to let us out, are you?"
It was obvious that he wouldn't, but I had to have it confirmed, just for my peace of mind.
"No," Mr Taylor responded firmly. He tapped something on his phone then put it away before looking at me. "However, it isn't that I didn't like your plan, but there are three reasons why it would never happen. One, Mr Hobson would be terribly upset if I put you in danger. Two, beta team is only supposed to assist when the main team are indisposed. Finally, I couldn't let you ruin my plan."
He gestured to the lift and we heard the lift doors ping as they opened.
"What the…" escaped out of Brenda's mouth as out stepped two girls that looked just like me and Helen. They headed out of the hotel entrance, just as we'd planned.
"Are we in trouble?" asked Helen, sounding contrite.
"No. Though it shows boundaries need to be described better, which is my responsibility. So why don't you all go back to Stacy's room and make sure you don't go anywhere near Helen and Jayne's room until I say so. It would be shame for whoever planted that bug to get wind that it wasn't you walking down the street."
* * *
"Playing wearing a hijab still doesn't feel right," said Helen as we boarded the plane. "Even after all the practice we did before flying out."
"Tell me about it," I sighed. "Knowing the music and seeing the conductor just isn't enough. Having your hearing muffled by the hijab really doesn't help follow the rest of the orchestra."
"At least the audience were great", piped in Lewis. "They gave us really warm applause. They seemed a lot less stuffy than the French concert."
The practice and the concert had gone without a hitch. Classical music wasn't something played often in Iran. The leaders thought pre-revolutionary music distracted from the relationship with God. In my mind, music was a gift from God, not something to be hidden, or restricted. Music played to the heart. Music played to the soul. Music played to the mind. Music just is.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 66
Thursday 30th March 2006
We got back home to Hayfield Hall at the first signs of dawn. Instead of going to our rooms for a nap as Mr Hobson had suggested, we got permission to go to our year room. There were things that we needed to discuss first.
"Well?" asked Emma as soon as she shut the door.
I got a thumbs up from Helen, who had just finished scanning the room.
"There will be a special meeting later-" I started.
"Oh, come on!" interrupted Emma.
"As I was saying, there will be a special meeting later. We can tell you what happened to us. We just can't tell you the full story, as we've not been told. Is that okay?"
"Sure," she replied. Paula tapped her study partner. "Sorry for butting in like that, but we've been itching to know what happened for days."
"I know, and you've been very patient. When this started Erika, Martha, Anna, Jill, Helen and I were there, so why don't we start with what Erika and Martha have to say. Then Anna and Jill can give their bit. That way you know I'm not hiding something."
One of the problems of thinking about an event a few days later is your mind often plays tricks. It happened to me with the number of shots fired in Russia. However, Martha and Anna both gave great accounts that tallied with what I remembered. What topped it off was that Anna never mentioned who rescued us, just that they were rescued.
"Did Dr Dine sell us out?" Lewis asked angrily.
"We don't know," Helen responded carefully. "We know she turned up there and had an argument with our captives. She also mentioned that her sister might be in danger, so if she did, it was potentially coercion."
All our PDA's bleeped at the same time. There was to be a student only meeting in the cinema in three hours.
"It looks like we might be finding something out," Brian mused.
"Okay, go and get a nap," I instructed. It was also a chance for me to get back to being dressed as David.
* * *
As we filed into the cinema, at the front was Mr Hobson, Dr Ruiz and a woman I'd never seen before. We were all silent and on our best behaviour with someone unknown in the room.
"I'm the chair of the governors of this school and head of the schools' protection associates," stated the unknown woman. "It is unusual for a chair of governors to talk directly to the pupils, but this isn't a run of the mill state school and you are all highly intelligent and have great potential. I therefore thought this conversation should occur and Mr Hobson agreed."
Her voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't place where I'd heard it. I put that to the back of my mind as I heard her say, "Today Mr Hobson tended his resignation as headteacher of this school."
I couldn't believe this, and it seemed nor could others as I heard some mutterings started between individuals. It was obviously loud enough for her to hear, as she paused for a moment.
"If I may continue," she said with a bit more steel in her voice, which brought the room back to silence. "As headteacher, Mr Hobson is responsible for the safety of you, the pupils at this school. As school governors we are responsible for setting the aims for the school and holding the school's senior leadership to account.
"When we were made aware about the incident, the governors requested an investigation. This was updated as details emerged. Once you returned to Hayfield Hall the investigation was concluded following interviews with Mr Hobson and a few others."
"When Mr Hobson was made aware that four pupils had been abducted, he contacted the Hayfield security team and then contacted me. The security team that went with you on the school trip followed protocol and within a few hours had located the four pupils that had been abducted and proceeded with a rescue.
"During the search and rescue time, the rest of the school went to visit a public site where they were always with staff, reducing the risk to the rest of the pupils. Extra security was flown in from the nearest sister school. Hence reducing the risk of the incident reoccurring.
"Finally, Mr Hobson discussed with the senior leadership team about pulling out of the concert. With additional security in place, it was deemed safe to still perform and leave immediately following the end of the concert.
"The conclusion of the governors report was that Mr Hobson reacted swiftly to the abduction and minimized the risk to the other people there. Running a school efficiently is one thing but having the ability to react in a crisis shows what a talented team Mr Hobson has assembled here. Therefore, Mr Hobson's resignation has been refused."
That went down very well, and I was soon on my feet with others from the school applauding.
After a few seconds, Mr Hobson quietened us down, and the lady continued. "The pupils are what the school is all about. The aim of the school is to teach you in a way that you can learn to the best of your ability, in a safe and secure place. We failed to keep you safe and secure. Yet keeping you secure can't be at the detriment of your freedom and your ability to grow. I've sat in the audience at several of your concerts and I've seen the passion you all have, not just for making music, but playing in front of a live audience. I feel that if we stop you from performing, you would be worse off, and the world would be worse off without hearing you play."
Mr Hobson stepped forward and continued, "The recent Ofsted report mentioned access to a weekend shuttle service to neighbouring towns. Starting next Saturday, we will be implementing this. At first, we will alternate between places like Milton Keynes, Luton, Bedford and Watford. See what towns you prefer, and we can then alter things around. But please remember the rule banning bringing things into the school still applies."
"Finally, I need to mention about Dr Tracy Dine."
When Mr Hobson uttered those words, most of us leaned forward. This was news we all wanted to hear.
"She wasn't the school leak and certainly didn't try to hurt any pupil here. She was contacted by the abductors on the pretext they had her sister. They wanted some information that she didn't have. When she heard they had four students, she tried to fight them and was injured in the ensuing struggle. It will be a while before she is back, so in the meantime we have brought forward the recruitment of an additional person on the support team.
"Year one has ten pupils. Since we've had the bedroom expansion, that is going to be the new standard. So, in July there will be ten new pupils. There is also a discussion if we should start a year earlier, but that won't be for a few years, if it happens. When Dr Hilda Saunders starts here next week it will be a permanent addition to provide additional flexibility."
"Tomorrow is a recovery day, lessons will start again on Monday."
As the meeting ended, I tuned out and looked at the chair of governors. It was strange that she didn't announce her name and her voice still bugged me. I was sure I'd heard it somewhere before.
* * *
"How are you both feeling?" Rachel asked, as we sat down on her office settee.
"It's good to be back," responded Helen neutrally. I nodded in agreement. I was loving being back dressed as David, and the more flexible hairstyle made it easier to look male without wearing a cap while waiting to see the hairdresser.
"Fair enough," said Rachel glancing over at us. "Today we aren't discussing what happened on the trip. You know my door is always open if you want to discuss that, but at the moment I'm not sensing you need or want to discuss it. Am I right?"
Helen and I exchanged glances. "We haven't had any issues, so nothing to discuss."
"As I thought. So, for the revue you both learnt to dance the tango. I believe you continued to take dance lessons since then. How are you getting on?"
"Don't you get reports?" I queried, surprised.
"It's an extracurricular activity," explained Rachel, as if that answered my question. By the blank looks on our faces Rachel must have realised she needed to explain more. "I only get reports on your main school lessons. Things like your instrument and dance lessons aren't reported to me. I would hear if you were skipping planned lessons, but not how you are doing. So, I'll ask again. How are you getting on with you dance lessons?"
"It was slightly easier for me," said Helen. "I'd done some lessons before moving here. I think you could say we are at a stage where we wouldn't embarrass ourselves at standard social events.
Rachel looked at me and I sighed. "Simon and Kelly did a good job at recruiting when we did the lessons for the revue. I've been learning as David. They suggested I didn't learn to dance as Jayne until I'd got one method fully sunk in."
"Good," Rachel sat back and looked at me. "David, the next bit is concentrated a bit on you. Now we are back from the concert, I think some time is needed discussing the dichotomy between your gender presentation and how you feel."
I sighed. I knew this was something I needed to talk about, but it wasn't something I was looking forward to. As Andy had reminded me, it wasn't something in life that I was happy with and it had made me attempt suicide, even though I hadn't got far.
Helen moved closer, and I felt her love radiating. "Je t'aime," she muttered so only I could hear. Or so I hoped.
"Are we going back to looking in the mirror?" I asked, thinking about my session after Russia where we'd had a small discussion about how I felt.
"Perhaps figuratively, but that is about it. Let me recap where I think we are, and if I've missed anything you can add that in after. So, by default you prefer to present as David but if people don't know you, they might address you using female pronouns."
I nodded and Helen pulled her arm tighter around me. She knew how much I hated it when that occurred.
"You can present as female and get accepted as female, but it isn't something that you feel is you."
"And I wouldn't want to take hormones or have surgery like Stacy." I added quite forcibly.
Rachel looked shocked. "That was never something that has ever been considered. This school isn't into making people something they aren't. It is about giving them the opportunity to excel and where needed, giving them room to explore who they are and what they need in life. For someone to want hormones, or eventually surgery, there are a lot of safeguards in place. It is something you would have had to ask us about, and then you would have to prove it is something you need, not just want."
I nodded like that was something I already understood, but internally I was kicking myself for still having my doubts. Andy had said before that they wouldn't force me to stay female.
Rachel then continued with her recap. "You can also present as male and get accepted as male. However, you feel it is also not you."
"No, I'm not comfortable. For some reason it feels like I'm a fraud."
"So next we started to look to see if it was because you were young, and you needed a more mature engagement. You did a trip with Andy with you dressed as a young rich female. How was that?"
"When I got over my nerves, I had the same feeling as when I'm Jayne on school trips."
"You mentioned previously that prior to joining the school you'd never been on holiday and never eaten out-"
"My parents did what they could afford to," I interrupted.
"Yes, they did," Rachel agreed. "I'm not saying they were bad parents. Your parents worked hard, but they didn't earn much. I mentioned it because we need to round out your personal skills. Knowing you've never done something is good. For instance, you picked up how to behave at hotels and in restaurants while in Paris.
When you went to the BAFTA ceremony, it was something that neither you nor Andy had every done before. But because Andy had learnt how to mix at other events, he was able to apply what he'd learnt to that situation. You though didn't have any other experience to draw on, but you seemed to wing it without being obvious."
"I followed a lot of Andy's lead," I admitted.
"This isn't a short-term project," explained Rachel. "In fact, we experience new situations all our life and learn how to cope or act appropriately. This school will give you some good foundations over the next few years. And that isn't just the two of you. There are others in your year that will also need extra foundations."
"So, we aren't being picked on?" I half joked.
"No, you aren't," Rachel gladly confirmed. "But when an opportunity to learn comes up, we will try to squeeze it in, if it doesn't impact your welfare, or too much of your free time. After all, you are still children and have just over four years left at the school.
"A few months ago, the BAFTA trip came up, and that was a great opportunity for you to learn. It had two aims. One, you learnt a bit more about yourself, and two, you learnt how to behave in that type of environment. It was something fun, and they often stick the most."
"On the way back, Andy sent a few emails with ideas to help you learn more about yourself. He reminded me, in quite strong terms, that most of the extra learning you'd done has been as Jayne and you needed to learn as David too. I agree."
"So?" I enquired, rather eagerly. "You won't have been discussing this if something hadn't been decided. "
"Two different events were discussed. One is a traditional dinner dance, hence the enquiry about the dancing. The second was a charity gala. Both would have you as a young professional gentleman. Since men don't wear makeup, this is going to be quite a challenge."
"I don't have any skills to portray a professional anything."
"Neither of the two events are tomorrow. We wouldn't put you into a situation you weren't confident in. Also, you will have someone with you."
"Who?"
"That's undecided. Both Stacy and Brenda have volunteered. There was also quite a discussion if it should be all four of you and who should partner with who."
"Because of our cross-partner thing?" asked Helen.
"Partly," Rachel responded, guardedly.
"Mr Hobson can't wrap us in cotton wool," I added after realising he was worried since we'd been abducted.
"Indeed. I think he is less concerned now than he was on the plane, where a lot of these discussions took place."
"So, how do we prepare?" I enquired.
Helen giggled, and I noticed Rachel trying not to smile, but you could see amusement in her eyes.
"What?" I complained.
"I think one of the issues might be resolving itself," laughed Helen.
"Huh?" came out of my lips.
"Is this the first time you've heard David's voice like this?" Rachel asked Helen.
"I don't remember hearing it happen before."
"What?" I responded, listening to my voice. It sounded normal to me.
"Your voice suddenly dipped in pitch as you were talking and then went back to your old pitch," explained Rachel. "You know the other month that we discussed you were going through puberty. Well, this is just one of those things that happen."
I shifted so I could look directly at Helen. Her arm which had been around me fell as I moved, and I took her hands in mine. "Are you okay with this?" I asked, worried if it would impact our relationship.
"Er, yeah?!" exclaimed Helen, puzzled why I would be asking. "You are you and you are the person I love. Remember my commitment words. It is your heart and soul that I love. It doesn't matter to me if you look like David or Jayne; you are the same person who I love with all my heart."
As Helen spoke those words, I bit my bottom lip as I tried to stop myself crying. When she finished, she pointed to her commitment broach. "Never forget my words."
"I love you so much," I uttered, totally forgetting we were in Dr Rachel Ruiz office.
"Ahem," called Rachel, interrupting our smooch.
"Sorry," Helen and I uttered at the same time. I felt slightly embarrassed that I totally forgot where we were.
"It happens," brushed of Rachel. "Talking of amorous occasions. David, since your commitment ceremony how many times have you been sick?"
"Only the once," I smiled. "Thank you for helping me get that issue mostly under control."
"I'm sure Helen is equally grateful," Rachel smirked.
Helen blushed and tried to say something, but she couldn't put the words together.
"Look, my inquisitor hat is over there," said Rachel pointing to a stack of caps on her desk with different titles.
"I didn't get them," I quickly mentioned. "Students aren't allowed to purchase items for school."
"Oh, I know who got them," she snarled. "Anyway, back to you. That's what these discussions are about. Your GP investigates physical issues with the body and gives a treatment to fix problems. Your discussions with me are about investigating how you feel about situations and see if they are impacting your life. We found the cause of why you are being sick, and you are now starting to control the situation."
"Are you saying you might be able to do the same about how I feel about my gender?" I asked hopefully.
"Yes and no. A discussion and you experimenting might find you a presentation or details to make you more comfortable with yourself. You've not been able to explain what feels wrong, so things are a bit hit and miss. We also talk about things, as it might help shed light on how you feel – get you used to talking about things, and you might discover how to articulate how you feel about how you present and how others see you. I never promised it would be easy, but one thing I do promise, is I will never force a permanent change on you or tell you who you should be. It's your life and your body. I'm just here to help you discover yourself and aid you to live rather than survive."
"Can I ask a few questions?" I queried.
"Sure, and I will try to answer," responded Rachel. "This is chat for both of you. You don't have to ask formally, just ask. I'm here to help if I can."
"I've been growing, and just before we went away my clothes, which had been feeling a bit tight, had started fitting better again. Are our clothes being updated as we grow?"
"This is a school full of adolescents. You are always growing and changing. This is expected and clothes are updated every so often. Clothes are also changed because of the seasons. Its pointless having lots of thick clothes in the middle of summer, and you aren't going to be in shorts in the middle of winter. Items like trousers are designed to be let out a bit, and the bottom of the legs are turned up so there is room for growth. Sometimes we are caught out, but not often."
"When will my voice fully break?"
"How long is a piece of string?" Rachel retorted and quickly continued before I could complain. "No, that isn't me being evasive. For some it might take a few weeks, others there isn't any wobble, it just happens."
I thought for a moment, and neither Helen nor Rachel interrupted. Helen just gently squeezed my hand to let me know she was still supporting me. "I suppose it will help with initial impressions. When I speak, I will naturally sound like David. Perhaps this will help me feel less confused."
"Pitch is only one indicator. Think about those you know your age. There were one or two at The Manor whose voice had broken, but quite a number whose hadn't. If you take all the male voice on the ones that weren't broken you would still say they were male voices, and even though the female voices had similar pitch, you were still able to discern that they were female."
"Remember when you two had male lessons. There were many things discussed ranging from slightly different vocabulary to intonation. Pitch was only one of the pointers. I'm going to pick on the singer Cher. I'm so glad she doesn't hear these conversations as she would be totally fed up and mortified at being used as an example. However, she is such a good example. Her voice is deep for a female, but when you listen to her you wouldn't mistake her for male. "
"So, I'm doomed," I uttered my heart sinking. I'd been feeling really good, but now I felt so defective again.
"Not necessarily. We don't know how you will react. You might find your post puberty voice more comforting. You might naturally fit in with it and your presentation go with it. Who knows? At the minimum it might be more of a clue for people so even if you aren't fully male, it will give people enough clues to stop getting it wrong."
I again gave it some thought and smiled. "That would be a start. That must be the thing I hate the most, when I'm just being me, and people think I'm female. If that happens less, then that will be a start."
"So, lets see how you get on, and I will start organising you both to start working on how you might fit if you did go to a social event. "
* * *
Sleep is one of those funny times where you aren't thinking about a problem where a solution can suddenly appear. The downside is if you don't share the information, you sometimes just drift off and forget what gem you'd discovered.
"I know where I'd heard the voice from before," I suddenly announced, waking Helen.
"What?" asked Helen all groggy. I felt her turn round to look at me, even though the room was dark. With no outside streetlights, there wasn't the outline which I used to get when I lived with my parents.
"Sorry I woke you."
Helen came closer and I could feel her breath on my shoulder. "This isn't like you, so must be important. So, tell me."
"The chair of governors from the meeting earlier. I knew I'd heard the voice before, and it suddenly came to me."
"Oh?"
"She was the person who kept in the dark at meeting Andy and I had at the BAFTAs after party."
"Oh! So, why did she show her face today when she didn't when she spoke to you back then?"
I didn't have an answer to that, nor did Helen. We snuggled up and drifted back to sleep.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 67
Saturday 1st April 2006
"A quick word before breakfast," said Mr Hobson to the full dining room. It was very unusual for him to make any announcements at the weekend. "As you are aware, today is the first day we will be operating the shuttle service to local shopping areas. Today's destination is Luton. Can I have a show of hands who is planning to use this service."
That was a silly question as the room was full of raised hands.
"Perhaps that was a bad question. Hands down. Now, those who don't plan to go, raise their hands."
There wasn't a single hand in the air.
"When Ofsted made their recommendation Ms Toms investigated a method for self-service checkouts of travel PDAs for transferring your profile. One wasn't available. However, a software update was found where the profile doesn't need to be synced. Therefore, each person can have a travel PDA stored in their bedroom ready for trips outside the school. No more waiting on David or Ms Toms to do the transfers. These will be handed out by Ms Toms after breakfast."
This was met by warm applause.
"There is a hope that with some tech advancements being discussed, that either next year or the year after, you will have a device that will work both inside and outside the school.
"Since you all want to have the day out, there will be a coach leaving at 9am. With no teachers on it, a single coach will fit all pupils. A minibus request service will leave once an hour if you desire to leave later. You will be dropped off and collected at the bus stop outside the Galaxy Centre. For those that don't know Luton, the main shopping mall is a two-minute walk. Collections will be on a request basis, or if a minibus is going into Luton. Final collection will be at 4pm unless a good excuse for staying later is lodged with me.
"Anybody who abuses the system will forfeit this privilege for two weeks and other punishments might be levied for serious infractions. You are a pupil at Hayfield; I expect you to represent the school with your common sense and high standards of behaviour."
After we finished breakfast and streamed out of the dining room, Ms Toms was waiting with five boxes of PDA. Each PDA was in a bag with our names on it, setup based on our old travel version.
"So," said Emma sliding up to me as I pocketed my new travel PDA. "Are you going to get changed and go as Jayne?"
I smiled to myself. I thought this might have come up during breakfast, but for some reason it hadn't. I tried to be tactful. "Not this time. I've just got back from a month of being Jayne."
"That's great," interrupted Paula, putting her arm around Emma and steering her away. "We'll see you on the coach."
"What was that about?" asked Helen, having at last got her travel PDA.
"I think Emma still sees me as being in denial."
"Ah, she thought you should go to Luton as Jayne?"
I nodded and resisted sighing.
Helen slipped her hand into mine and said, "I'm happy whatever way you want to be. It will be nice to do some things with all ten of us, but I'd like to spend some time where it's just you and me."
I smiled at that, my heart glowing at her words.
April in the UK is a time of showers. The cold of winter makes way for a time when the weather doesn't know what to do. Some days it is cold, and others slightly less cold. Therefore, we were all wearing raincoats as we climbed onto the coach. There was no jostling for position, like when I went on the flight to Scotland. We all knew where we would sit.
I'd flown from Luton airport, so since I didn't expect the trip to the town centre to be much different, I let Helen have the window seat.
"Everybody, remember where we parked," said Graham, the driver who'd driven the coach this morning.
Martha groaned. "I thought I'd got away from Star Trek quotes when Wesley went back to America."
We all laughed and piled out of the coach. I paused and looked around in amazement. That didn't last long as I was gently steered away so not to block others leaving the coach. Luton centre was nothing like Milton Keynes, or when we went to London. It had an older look and, in some respects, more tired. But the bustle in the square was what was catching my attention. It was a stream of people moving and jostling. Fascinating.
"Let's go into the Mall," suggested Paula.
It didn't take us long to find that this wasn't the same scale or quality as Milton Keynes shopping area. There were signs up about some refurbishment to the entrance we'd just come through and they were going to change the square.
We strolled slowly through the central aisle of the mall and found there wasn't much there. The biggest interest was the small indoor market at the far side, but that we'd examined in little time. The shopping centre was a lot smaller than Milton Keynes and if the shop fronts designated the size, they were also a lot smaller than the ones in Milton Keynes.
"Why don't we grab a milkshake," Helen suggested as we neared a little eatery. It wasn't closed off like a lot of cafes, and a quickly agreed as did the others. It was situated by what looked to be the lifts from the carpark I knew was above us. From one side, there was a constant stream of people beginning or ending their shopping journey and on the other side, a view of the main thoroughfare where people were dashing about their day.
Over our drinks, there was a discussion about what we were going to do. We'd decided that a group of ten was too big. There was a huge variation on what we wanted to do, and we didn't really want to draw too much attention by going around as a big gang.
"Do you want another drink?" Helen asked, as the rest of our year group disappeared.
"Sure," I agreed. "Though can I have the banana milkshake this time?"
As Helen went to the counter, I watched as people milled around. It was all so different. Where I'd grown up was a large village, rather than a town. We had a few shops, and for anything more we went to the town a few miles away, which didn't even have the range Luton had. With no money, it wasn't something I did very often.
In the village where my parents lived, the people were mostly white. Here there were people of many races and how they acted seemed to vary. We'd only just come back from Iran, where I'd seen some interaction and how society acted, but what I was seeing here wasn't anything like I'd seen in Iran. Yes, there were women wearing hijabs, but the family dynamic appeared different. Perhaps different Muslim countries had different behaviours. Thinking back, the way we behave in the UK is similar, but not the same as when we were in France.
"What do you see?" enquired Helen, as she put the milkshakes on the table in front of us.
"What do you mean?" I didn't take my eyes off the flow of people.
"While the others were around, you weren't keeping up with the conversation. You kept glancing at the crowds. I just wondered what you saw. It's really good how you see things that others don't. I just wondered if you could share with me."
I'm sure that my heart must have skipped a few beats. Helen wasn't upset, but was interested in what I was doing, and wanted to share. She wanted to be part of my world.
But how do I explain it? It was only watching people, so I'd know when I was in danger of getting beaten up, did I learn to understand what I saw. It was like a hidden language that we all talked but never heard. And then there was the bits how interaction changed things. A person could be really nice, but when mixed with friends could suddenly turn and attack.
"If you look at that man in the hoodie by the perfume shop."
"The one who just checked his watch?"
"Yes, that's him. Well, he turned…" I trailed off as I saw somebody that I recognised coming from the corridor that led from the carpark.
"What?" enquired Helen.
I nudged her and pointed to the person I'd seen. I heard Helen gasp and knew she recognised him too. Louis Jumelet.
If a teacher was meeting in person, that would be why there wasn't an electronic trace. But some of the things, like the phone call to my mother can't have been a personal meeting. Very strange.
I got up to follow, and Helen urgently whispered, "Be careful, there are security cameras everywhere. We can't be seen to be following him."
"Let's follow behind and see where he goes. We can carry on past."
"That's a plan," she agreed, leaving her drink behind. "Didn't Mr Taylor say he was wanted? I wonder if he is wanted in the UK, or if there is a European arrest warrant out for him."
"Ring Mr Taylor as we go along. If he is wanted, perhaps he knows a way to tip the police off without it coming back on the school. Also, be careful; he knows your face."
Helen turned slightly pale, but she didn't leave my side. Louis didn't appear to be on the lookout for anybody following. He was sauntering down the mall like it was a nice Saturday trip out. Helen was soon off the phone.
"Two things. One, yes, he is wanted, and two, Mr Taylor has a friend on the force who he knows has history with Monsier Jumelet. I've no idea how long they will take for the police to turn up though."
The quarry turned into a coffee shop, and we continued down the mall. We looked in as we went past, but all we saw was him stood at the counter. He was alone. Not soon after, we saw Andy and Stacy in a phone shop, which I pointed out to Helen. We quickly went in.
"Hi," I murmured, saddling up to them. Helen was looking out of the shop window. "Doesn't the school give you a device?"
"We leave soon," said Andy, pointing out the obvious. "We were just seeing what's available."
Stacy turned around and beamed a smile at me. That disappeared when she saw Helen and I glancing out of the window. "What's going on?"
"Do you remember the name Louis Jumelet?"
"The chap that kidnapped you in Iran?" she confirmed. "He's here?"
Helen nodded and her phone rang. Hearing one side didn't make any sense, apart from her giving Louis's location.
When she finished the call, we all looked at her expectantly. "The main police station is only up the road. Mr Taylor's contact was very happy to get the tip and multiple teams are on the way.
"So, which phone do you think is better?" Andy asked, as we kept a discrete look. We didn't want to seem that we weren't shopping.
"I've heard good things about the Nokia," I said looking at the ones Andy was pointing out. "The Blackberry one is too work orientated. At uni you won't be using the phone like you do at school."
"All good points," mused Stacy. "But the Blackberry has a nicer feel."
"Oh no," uttered a horrified Helen.
We all looked out to see Anna and Jill going into the coffee shop. A few moments later Louis Jumelet rushed out of the door.
"Police, Stop! Louis Jumelet … police stop!" I heard yelled and saw two police officers.
Louis didn't stop but ran. The four of us quickly left the shop to see the action. We weren't alone. Hearing a kerfuffle was always a beacon for people to watch what was happening. This was no exception, and nicely hid our specific interest. Running in a busy shopping mall isn't the easiest thing to do. As soon as you get any speed, you are running into somebody. And that is exactly what happened. He crashed into a young woman and landed on the floor.
As Louis tried to get up, so did the young woman he'd crashed into, catching him on his chin. He went down again. There had been police coming from both ends of the mall, and they quickly arrived on the scene and bound him in handcuffs.
Looking around, I saw Anna and Jill head back inside the coffee shop. They'd seen the arrest.
"Do you want a coffee?" I suggested to them all, thinking it was a good excuse to have a chat with Anna and Jill.
"Under normal circumstances, I'd be all for it, but I think Anna gets nervous around us. I think they'd open up more if it was just the two of you."
I didn't like it, but I understood. Stacy and Andy were leaving in a few months, and it was nice spending some time with them. "See you later."
As we walked in, I said, "You talk to them; I'll get the drinks. Give me a shout if they want a fresh drink."
The counter was quiet, so I got served straightaway.
"What'll it be, sir?"
I smiled. I'd got called sir. This must have been a first. "A coffee and a hot chocolate."
"What type of coffee? Cappuccino, Latte, Flat White, Americano or Mocha?"
"Huh?"
He took pity on me. "I take it this is your first time having a nice coffee?"
I nodded sheepishly.
"It's quiet, so here is a cheat sheet." He produced a cardboard menu, that included diagrams of different coffees and what was in them.
"Thanks," I murmured, quickly scanning it. "So, it's mostly the same amount of coffee, but just different ways the milk is done?"
"Mostly. You can have more than one shot of coffee if you want, but since this is new, I wouldn't recommend it. Why don't you have a latte. It has a slightly milkier taste than a cappuccino. That has more froth, so even though it has the same coffee, it tastes stronger."
I handed back the menu. "So, one latte and one hot chocolate."
"You can add a flavoured syrup to the coffee, such as caramel or vanilla. It's optional."
"No, just a straight latte. It will give me a good starting position."
"That it will. Oh, do you want cream and sprinkles on the hot chocolate?"
"Please."
I paid and waited at the side for the drinks to be made. This was all new and wasn't something I learnt at school. Education in life. This was something that had been mentioned to me a few times, but I'd not really understood. When we'd gone to Paris, I'd learnt how to behave in a nice restaurant. Today, I'd learnt there was more to coffee than just coffee. What else did I need to learn?
I eventually got the two drinks and joined the other three. They broke off their chat as I slid into the chair next to Helen.
"Before you ask, we're good," said Jill. Anna nodded in agreement.
"It was a bit of a shock seeing him again, but when we saw him caught by the police, we knew we were safe. Though we were shocked by who he was with."
"Who?"
"Mrs Poole."
"Our geography teacher?"
"I phoned it in," Helen mentioned. "She must have slipped away while we were watching the arrest."
Mrs Poole?! My mind boggled. She wasn't on my list of suspects. She wasn't on the trip to France, so how did she know to contact Jessica's parents to let them know we were in the diner? Was there a second person?
* * *
"So, what's up?" Helen asked when we got back to the school. We'd got back just after a lunchtime tenpin bowling at the Galaxy centre. It had been the whole year playing and was probably the highlight of the day.
"Coffee." I responded. At Helen's wondering look, I continued. "I need to understand."
"Understand what?"
I had to admit, Helen was very patient with me. At this moment I'm not sure my thoughts made sense to her. I'm not sure they made sense to me. Yet I had this urge. An idea had crept into my mind towards the end of the tenpin bowling, and it had been lurking there ever since. Andy and coffee. Yet I don't think I'd ever had a coffee with Andy.
Before joining Hayfield I'd never had a coffee. I knew it was a drink, and one my parents drank, but it was nothing I'd tried before Hayfield. Since starting here, I'd only had a coffee a few times and had only started to get used to the taste. Yet today's trip to Luton had caused strange thoughts to dance in my mind.
"Can we go to the kitchen? Perhaps they can help."
"For them to make you a coffee?"
"Perhaps, but I don't think so. I just need to understand more."
"Lead on," she smiled putting her arm through mine. "I hope they can help."
The kitchen didn't have the same activity level as the time that Helen and I helped make the pudding. I spied Justin wiping down one of the preparation areas. He spotted us as we approached.
"Hello," he said, stopping what he was doing. "What can I do for you?"
"Sorry if we are disturbing you, but would you, or someone else in the kitchen, have a few moments to answer some questions I have on coffee?"
"Now, that's a request I've never heard before. Two moments."
He went across and had a word with Donna. I remembered her when she assisted Andy and Stacy with their dessert. It wasn't long before he was with us.
"So, what do you want to know about coffee. The way you phrased it wasn't that you wanted a coffee."
"We can come back later if we're causing issues for tonight's meals."
"Most of the prep work is done, and Donna has the rest all under control. She is the sous-chef, so is perfectly capable without me berating her."
I filed that away for later thought. It sounded like there was some sort of hierarchy with job titles. Sous was French for under. I presume she was the second in charge under Justin. I wonder what the other titles were for the other cooks beavering away in the background.
"When we were in town earlier, I went to Costa. The way they made the coffee was a lot different to how we have it here. In the dining room we have an urn of coffee, and we can add cold milk and sugar. There, they seemed to cook the milk. It had a different taste, and I thought you might be able to explain."
"In a kitchen, it is more about the food rather than the drinks. If you asked someone in a restaurant they might be offended and refer you to the bar. Here we do both, so you've come to the right place. Let me grab a few things."
I glanced at Helen. "Why do I get the feeling this is going to be a bigger subject than I thought."
Helen shrugged. "If it helps you, great. If not, we will understand a lot more than when we came in."
Justin soon reappeared with a box. The first thing he did was pull out four apples. What did apples have to do with coffee?
Justin proceeded to cut two samples off each apple and offered them to us to taste. We did as he directed.
"They taste different. The second one was quite a lot stronger than the others and tasted almost bitter."
"I like the first one best," said Helen. "It seemed to have more flavour. A nicer taste."
"That is a Gala. Come back in September, and I will have a much larger range for you to try. These are all imported. Sorry, I'm going off track a bit. All four of these are apples, but they are different varieties. They have different tastes and different strengths. It is the same with coffee. There are different varieties of coffee beans from different parts of the world. They have different flavours."
"Okay," Helen and I uttered.
"The coffee beans are roasted. This brings out the flavour and taste. There are different roasting types from light to dark and several steps in-between. The darker the roast, the less difference there is between beans; you're tasting more of the roasting process.
Justin removed a tin from the box and opened the lid. I got the whiff of coffee. He sprinkled a bit on a plate.
"The roasted coffee is then ground up. It is this ground coffee that is used to make your drink. Now this is where things differ between the coffee you have at school and what you experienced today. Here we brew the coffee. The coffee shop uses espresso. The output is a cup of coffee, but the method to create it is slightly different and the result tastes different. One isn't better than the other. You can get a cup of really nice coffee either way."
"Here we pass hot water through a basket of ground coffee into the urn. The urn holds enough for about thirty cups of coffee. That's why we have three urns. Some people don't function well without coffee in the morning, and I'm not talking about pupils!"
Donna came up carrying a tray with three small glasses full of dark coffee.
"Perfect timing!" exclaimed Justin. "Thank you."
Donna went back to the heart of the kitchen and Justin continued. "This is an espresso. Try it with no milk or sugar. It might be a bit strong, but it'll give you some idea of the base coffee."
I tasted, expecting it to be bitter, but it had quite a gentle smooth taste.
"It is more lightly roasted, so a smoother taste. We have an espresso machine here, but it's rarely used for making drinks. We'd be there all day. No, we use it when recipes need coffee."
"In the coffee shop there were different coffees. Latte, cappuccino etc."
"There are two main ingredients. Espresso and milk. We've covered the espresso. Hot air is pushed into the milk causing it to heat. If the hot air is of high enough pressure the milk bubbles and creates a froth. All the drinks they make are just variations on the amount of steamed milk vs froth, and where the items are in the cup. A latte is layered as espresso, mostly steamed milk and a small amount of froth at the top. Where a cappuccino has slightly less steamed milk and more froth. The biggest difference is a latte macchiato which has steamed milk at the bottom, then the espresso and finally the froth."
"And do they taste different?"
"If done correctly, yes."
"Okay, so if I get this right. The taste of the coffee is dependent on the type of bean, how it is roasted and then how the drink is mixed?"
"That about sums it up," Justin agreed. "But at the end of the day it is still coffee. Some days you might want it plain, dark and mysterious. Other days you might want a latte. There is a coffee for most moods."
"But it is still coffee." A smile came over my face. "Thank you. You've been really helpful."
"I'm glad to help. Now run along and enjoy the rest of the day."
As we walked back into the hall, Helen remarked. "It's like a lightbulb suddenly lit above your head."
"I feel like things make sense now. It doesn't matter if the coffee is brewed like we have at school, or an espresso like I had at the shops. It is still coffee."
"But what is making you all excited?"
I stopped and Helen quickly stopped too. I looked at her with earnest. "I am coffee."
Helen looked puzzled. She wasn't getting it. I explained the link.
"Ahh," Helen uttered, realisation breaking out like the sun appearing from behind a dark cloud. "So where to next? Rachel?"
"No, I need to get these thoughts in order first. I'll probably talk to her about this next week. If you don't mind, can we go to our bedroom. I need to see if I can work things out a bit more."
"You're actually agreeing to see Rachel?" queried Helen sounding incredulous.
"I think that when I've understood myself enough, it would put her mind at rest."
Monday 3rd April 2006
"You've been smirking since we've got up," I complained. We'd had our run, showered and were on the way to the year leader meeting with Mr Hobson. "What's going on?" I looked down at my shirt making sure I'd put the buttons in the right holes.
"I'm just happy, that's all."
"Mmm," was my only answer. I knew I wasn't getting the whole story, but deep down was happy that Helen was happy.
"Hi," I said as we walked in. Helen closed the door as we were the last.
I got looks of surprise from some in the room. Stacy just giggled.
"What?" I complained, checking that my trouser zip was fastened. All was good, so it wasn't that.
"Your voice has broken," Helen informed me.
I shrugged and sat down. It was something I knew was happening based on the wobble the other day.
"Most of you have probably heard rumours about an event that occurred on Saturday during the trip to Luton. To summarise, one of the people who kidnapped four of our students in Iran was spotted and the police were informed since there was a warrant for his arrest. He tried to run in a busy shopping mall and bumped into a shopper. The police caught up with him, and he was arrested."
There wasn't a sound from any of the six students in the room. This wasn't news for any of us.
"He was meeting a contact from Hayfield. The police went to her house to arrest her but found her dead. Mrs Poole had committed suicide."
"The geography teacher?" Susan queried, quite shocked.
"One in the same. Security is investigating how this occurred and will vet all the teachers and assistants again. I'd like you to inform your year groups. I won't be announcing this at breakfast. Do any of you have any questions?"
None of us did.
"I'll leave you to update your years. Oh, can Stacy, Helen and David remain for a moment."
Soon it was just the three of us, looking at Mr Hobson, wondering why we'd been asked to stay longer.
"Thank you for the way you handled this situation. I'm very proud at how sensible you all were."
The three of us gave a collective shrug. We didn't know what to say to that.
"I personally spoke with Mr Poole. He had no idea what his wife had done. Now you probably were wondering about the leak that happened in France. It seems they went to Paris while we were there. He thought she had been doing a set of parents a favour by letting them know where their children were. I let him keep that memory. He has lost enough without thinking any worse of his now dead wife."
"Thank you for telling us that," said Helen. "We were concerned that because she wasn't connected to the French trip that there might have been somebody else involved."
As we turned toward the year rooms, I said, "It looks like I might need female voice lessons, after all."
"You'll be told to wait a few weeks," informed Stacy. "Let your voice settle first. That way you don't hurt it."
"Thanks." I smiled and we split to go to our separate ways. "Helen, can you break the news. I don't want my changed voice to distract with the news we need to give. Also, Lewis might get frantic if we are late for breakfast."
"No problem," she said giving my hand a squeeze. "I love you, David."
The news didn't take long to impart, and we were all in the dining room slightly earlier than normal. It wasn't every day that there was a new member of the support staff, and we all knew she would be greeted. That took time and we knew there were certain people, across all years, who really liked their meals. I noticed a new lady sat with Rachel at the year three table. We would normally have had Rachel, but instead we had Mr Hobson. This was the second meal in a row that he'd eaten at our table. I looked again and noticed it was the woman that Louis Jumelet had crashed into, and who had knocked him down again when he tried to get up. She shot up in my esteem.
When everybody was seated, I noticed Stacy rise. Others must have noticed, as the room suddenly fell quiet. "T.S. Elliot said, ' Every moment is a fresh beginning'. We'd all like to welcome Dr Hilda Saunders to our school and hope she finds her time with us a fresh beginning. I'd also like to thank her for what she did on Saturday."
The whole school rose to their feet and applauded. As we were clapping, I leaned across to Tim at the neighbouring table and whispered, "She stopped the person who kidnapped us in Iran."
I saw the whisper spread quickly and by the time we finished clapping there wasn't a student who was looking at her with anything but the utmost respect. Dr Saunders looked confused by the comment about Saturday but would probably ask somebody about it later.
"Okay, enough," said Mr Hobson and we all sat down. "So that Dr Saunders can get to know you all quickly she will be scheduling some time with each of you. Top of her list are pupils Dr Dine normally supports."
As breakfast drew to a close, Brian piped up, "Are you okay David. You've not said a word all day."
"Yeah, Helen told us all the news this morning," said Erika. "That isn't like you."
I looked up and the others on the table. Mr Hobson was sat back, watching this unfold. All the rest of my year were looking at me expectantly. Well almost all the year. Helen looked torn. She knew the situation and we knew we didn't want a fuss in the dining room. The last time that occurred, Jessica had thrown a tantrum and all the pupils had looked on. I didn't want to be a spectacle for the whole school.
"David will explain back in the year room, after we've finished." Helen offered.
Mr Hobson offered his tuppence. "Well, you better finish breakfast quickly. You don't want to be late for your first lesson. Do you? Remember you have some exams soon."
"We will clear the table," said Tim from year three. Since he was the year leader, he'd been in Mr Hobsons office and knew about my voice breaking.
"Thanks," said Helen, flashing her a smile.
It wasn't long before we were back in our year room. Brian was straight out with, "So, what's going on."
"Nothing going-" I started but was soon interrupted.
"Your voice has broken," said Lewis, his eyes wide open. "I'm so jealous."
"Will the male hormones you're receiving help with your voice?" Erika asked.
"That's what I've been told," Lewis stated, trying to make his sound lower. It didn't come out as desired and sounded weird.
I looked across at Martha and Emma. Those are the ones I was concerned about. Martha seemed fine. However, Emma was crying hard, and was being cuddled by Paula.
"Is it David's voice?" suddenly asked Jill passing a big box of tissues to Paula
Emma nodded and grabbed a tissue and loudly blew her nose.
"You're on blockers," Paula reminded her partner. "It won't happen to you."
I went across and put my arm around Emma. "You are Emma. That is who you are and who you will be forever. I'm..." I paused. I nearly said that I was coffee, but that would just have confused her. I'm glad Helen got the analogy. "I'm me. If you call me David or Jayne, I'm me. I'm still trying to understand what that means and what I need. However, there is one thing I'm sure about is that I don't want to transition, and Rachel agrees. For me, I'm glad that my voice has broken. For you, it will never happen, and you will be Emma forever."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 68
Thursday 6th April 2006
It wasn't until Thursday that I got to sit down with the newest member of the support staff. Erika and Martha told me she seemed easy to talk to. So I was quite relaxed when I went to see her.
"Please take a seat," she said, indicating the settee.
"Thank you, Dr Saunders."
She wasn't in Dr Dines room but was in the room that I'd seen Dr Ellen Hansen use the one time I'd visited her. The settee might have been the same that Ellen had used, but the room had been moved around. There were two single recliners facing the settee. Totally different from the type of chair Rachel used.
I sat down and looked across as Dr Saunders took station on her recliner. She gazed across at me where I sat, my hands in my lap waiting for her to talk. After several seconds, she raised her right eyebrow. I patiently waited for her to make the first move.
"Thank you for coming to see me," she eventually started. "And as you do with all the other psychiatrists here, I'd prefer you to call me Hilda. Is that okay?"
"Yes," I nodded, in acceptance.
"Great. Now, I'm trying to meet the pupils before ploughing through the files. Make my own first impression. This isn't a therapy session. It's just a break the ice session where you can ask me questions and I can ask you a few too."
I waited, just as Stacy had taught me.
"So, tell me about Hayfield Manor."
That wasn't in the top five in my list of opening lines that I thought she would ask.
"The main building was built in 1723. The west wing was changed in 1787."
I talked for a few minutes about the building, and she sat patiently listening to me. When I stopped, she smiled and asked, "Are there any secret passages?"
"Probably, but if everybody knew where they were, they wouldn't be secret, would they?"
"Very good," she laughed, but the tone was rather pointed. "You've managed to avoid telling me anything about the school, by telling me about the building."
She enquired, "What do you already know about the school?"
She looked a bit sad. "Virtually every pupil I've talked to, seems to want to know what I already know. It's like there might be secrets that they don't want to discuss."
"Some pupils find it hard to trust someone that is new. Even for us in year one, we've had months to learn to trust support staff with feelings we ourselves don't sometimes want to think about. I know of two pupils that were raped before joining the school, and several that suffered mental abuse."
The new psychiatrist looked at me rather surprised. "That was a rather blunt statement."
"It seems I've gone from avoiding a topic to being rather forceful." I didn't apologise.
"It might have been a blunt statement, but it was straight to the heart of the situation. So, what do I know about the school? Before I joined, I was told it was a unique educational boarding school where the pupils were intelligent but didn't thrive in their old school. I was told that some of the pupils were LGBT. I wasn't informed, until I arrived on Monday, that the school assisted when a pupil needed to transition and, against the UK standards of care, provided cross-sex hormones."
"And you're okay with that? Doesn't it go against your teaching?"
"You're getting close to the boundary on what I think is an appropriate question, but I will answer. I was shown documents on the school treatment plans, the checks and balances, and the outcomes. After that, and some soul searching, I agree for those that have been diagnosed to the high standards set by the school, then it is the best course.
She continued, "I will give you something personal. My ex-boyfriend is now called Eve, and she is one of my best friends. I saw what it was like for her to get the appropriate treatment, and how some people treated her. If people have a safe environment to transition and become the person they should be, then why would I object?"
I reflected on what she said. In my mind, if it was true, and not a line, it showed a certain faith. But just because she knew a transsexual, it doesn't follow that she would be able to be objective on all our different issues.
"When I walked into the room, you recognised me."
"Rather like you recognised me at breakfast. I don't know what you whispered to the person on the neighbouring table, but that whisper spread like wildfire around all the tables."
"And since then, you've chatted with quite a few students. Didn't you ask any of them?"
"There seems to be a collective amnesia on what was said. Perhaps you could enlighten me."
"It was quite straightforward. I mentioned what I'd seen you do on Saturday. If you deliberately moved to stop him, I'm unsure. However, I am sure you deliberately knocked him down again in a way that the police thought was accidental."
She gave a slight smile. She was trying to work me out.
"Do you mind if I ask you a question?" I enquired.
"Always. Discussions with me is always a two-way street."
"When you saw me on Saturday, I doubt it was for very long. We weren't between the phone shop and coffee shop for long. Without using your knowledge of who we are now, can you describe your impressions of me and the people I was with? "
Dr Saunders thought for a minute and sighed. "I don't think that's fair. As you said, it was only for a moment."
"It's only what your impression was. Are you frightened of articulating it, because you think you might upset me? What if your impression makes me happy?" I paused and decided to skirt around it a bit. "What about the people with me, can you describe them?"
She must have thought this was safer ground. "You were with a male and female in their late teens, and a female who looked your age."
"For a fleeting glance, you have quite a memory."
"I'm sure you've been told this before, that a psychiatrist is supposed to be detached. Our thoughts or points of view aren't supposed to come into the conversation. I'm here to be impartial, listen to what you say and perhaps suggest ways to look at a problem. There is an old saying – 'Don't judge a book by its cover'. Yes, I might have had some impressions, but I think looking at the contents is much more enlightening."
"Sorry if I caused conflict," I apologised. "I'm used to dealing with Rachel."
"Would she have answered your impressions question?"
I paused to reflect. "Probably not. You've not reviewed my file yet? "
"No. As I said earlier, I like to make my own thoughts based on our discussion. I can then compare them with what's in the file."
I thought for a moment. It would have been very easy for Dr Saunders to say she had seen me as male. However, she seemed to prefer to avoid telling a lie, even if it meant blatantly telling me she wouldn't answer.
"You already know I'm called David. I was born male, but it seems I've always come across as female. This made my time at my previous school precarious. I think I'm the first at this school where I ended up as a study partner with someone I already knew. Helen went to the same school as me."
"I've been here four days and I'm not blind. How many in the school use the term study partner and not just partner?"
"Probably none. We start as study partners, but-" I tailed off. I didn't need to go into specifics. I probably blushed a bit, which told her all she needed to know.
"What do you think is the best thing about the school?"
I thought and it was almost a minute before I managed to decide how to phrase what I thought I needed to say. "Besides the music, and the standard of education, I would have to say the care and support. Not just from the visible and invisible staff, but the other students."
"Invisible staff?"
"Caretakers, cooks, cleaners etc. Without them the school wouldn't run. They're just as important as the teachers, and support staff. I've met two of the kitchen staff, but no caretakers or cleaners, yet I know they exist."
"I heard the orchestra practice the other day. I stood in the wings and listened. I was very impressed. Yet I'm told that you have done your concerts and won't be doing another until next school year. So why do you still have orchestra practice?"
"Music is the heart of the school. It is something we do together, as the whole school. To me it makes my soul sing. Music relaxes me, and it gives us all a common purpose. It instigates teamwork, which many in year one might not have had."
"That sounds almost a prepared answer."
"Not really. I know it sounds old, but we're encouraged to think, and ask questions. I was held back at my previous school, where bullies would beat up others who were more intelligent.
"You mentioned that at your previous school you had issues because even though you were male, people perceived you as female. What have you done about that since joining this school?"
"I've spent time in a female role, but that didn't feel right. I've had male lessons to help me portray as male. Again, it didn't feel right. But when I'm just me I'm happiest, unless somebody calls me Jayne. That is when it hurts the most. I also struggle to talk about my feelings on that subject. It's hard to discuss, when you don't understand why you feel the way you do."
I looked down. I felt my heartbeat starting to rise, as I remembered back to the time just before the Russian trip. I don't know why, but I started to talk about my year so far, it started to feel cathartic.
I continued, still looking down. "The conflict I had, led me to get into a vicious circle. I lied to Helen and told her I was okay, when I wasn't. As I gradually felt worse, I found I couldn't tell her the truth, as I was only a little worse than the previous day. When I hit rock bottom, I felt I couldn't tell anybody, and planned to kill myself. My distress was noticed by a few in my year, and they stopped me."
I paused and after a few seconds ventured to look up. I expected to see a look of revulsion, or a look of shock; but she was sat there with the same expression as earlier.
"What did you learn from that?"
"Not to lie, or keep secrets, especially from your partner. It is hard when you have lived your life hidden in your bedroom to not get beaten up."
"Has that lesson stuck?"
I gave a slight sigh. "Yes, though I did learn a painful lesson that no secrets shouldn't just apply to my life with Helen. Sometimes keeping things bottled up just causes confusion and invalid conclusions."
For the first time I saw slight signs of puzzlement on Dr Saunders face.
"Polyamorous."
That got a raised eyebrow, in a similar fashion to what Rachel does when she was surprised. I wondered if that was training or just a spooky coincidence.
"Just so that I don't get anything wrong, do you mind me asking whom?"
"Stacy and I have feelings for each other. Helen and Andy have feelings for each other. To me, Andy is just a good friend. Since sex at this school is forbidden, and Helen and I are underage, nothing can happen. I don't think many pupils at the school know. The support team do, and I'm sure you will read it when you peruse our files. Dr Sue was also told, so Andy and Stacy could visit Helen, when she was in hospital."
"What would you say the biggest help you've had, besides the suicide issue?"
"I felt sick when I thought that sex was a possibility. In fact, I vomited a few times. It took quite a while to discover what made me feel ill and even longer to fully understand why. What I regard as 'selfish arousal', such as masturbation, still affects me. But I've realised that sex is a shared experience that we both enjoy and isn't selfish. I don't have the same bad reaction for something not selfish."
"You said so earlier, but I will remind you that underage sex is illegal."
I nodded. "And the school are very forthright about that. Mr Hobson reminding us that the school isn't a brothel, isn't something I will ever forget, or want to hear him mention again."
"Yet you discovered you had this issue about being sick. Can you honestly tell me you haven't had sex?"
"As they say in America, 'I plead the fifth'."
Hilda took a moment to gather her thoughts and then continued. "If I can take things back a bit. You said you didn't like portraying as male or female, but when people mistake you for female when you are just you then you feel the worst. Have you found something that does make you happy? You don't seem sad today."
"On Saturday I had a revelation. It has been something I've been exploring over the last few days. I've not had the chance to mention this to Rachel yet."
"And?"
"I am coffee."
"I see," she uttered. There was a pause. "I think this is going to be quite involved. Why don't I get Rachel? That way, you only need to explain it once. Would you prefer it if Helen or Stacy was with you?"
I glanced up with surprise, and then felt sudden gratitude. "Thank you for including both of them in your idea for support."
"Why don't you contact them, while I ask Rachel."
I knew that Helen was discussing Beta business with both Andy and Stacy. Therefore, a message sent would soon get responded to. We had a chat group that I'd configured to be the four of us, which I sent a message outlining what was going to be discussed. A message was responded almost immediately. "Two minutes."
"Rachel will be with us in a moment," informed Hilda from her chair, putting her PDA away.
"Thank you for the suggestion. I think saying this only once will be a good idea."
It wasn't long before there was a knock on the door. "That's Rachel."
Hilda went and opened the door. It was indeed Rachel.
No sooner than the door had closed there was another knock. "That's Helen."
"How?" murmured Hilda, as Rachel strode into the room.
"David has a knack at recognising door knocks," explained Rachel, as Hilda opened the door to not find just Helen, but Andy and Stacy too.
"Can we all join David?" Helen asked.
"This is something I didn't expect," remarked Hilda.
"It's a first for me too," added Rachel, taking a seat on the spare recliner. "I don't mind, if you don't."
Hilda shrugged and all three of them came in. Stacy sat to my left, and Helen to my right. Andy took one of the hard chairs and sat at the end.
"I'm just here so Stacy doesn't have to repeat it," explained Andy. "We all know the rules and will be quiet while you help David."
Rachel took charge. "David, Hilda mentioned to me that during her 'get to know each other' chat, you mentioned that you'd had a revelation. You'd discovered something that stopped you being upset about people mistaking your gender.
"Yes. I said to Hilda 'I am coffee'."
I felt Helen and Stacy move closer and their arms went around my back.
"That's a new one," said Rachel looking me over, and seeing I was sincere. "I presume that is an analogy?"
"It doesn't matter how the coffee is made or served, it is still coffee. It doesn't matter how I dress, or how I look. I'm still me. I don't have to change who I am because no matter how I look, or how I act, or how I dress, or how others see me; I am me."
I had a head of steam and had to get the rest out. "I know you have said that to me numerous times, and so has Helen, Stacy and Andy, that the school doesn't change the core me. Yet I always had a fear that if I experimented, and did something different from how I grew up, then I would no longer be me. I thought about things over the last few days, and realised my biggest worry was losing control on who I am."
"So, with this revelation, who are you?"
"He's coffee!" chorused Stacy and Helen in unison.
"Yeah, yeah," grumbled Rachel light-heartedly. "So, David. I saw you were dressed as Jayne on Tuesday, and you were very masculine in your presentation yesterday. Was this part of your experimentation? "
I nodded.
"Now you know you are you. Have you found any presentation that makes you happy?"
"Yes." I felt almost giddy saying this.
Helen, Stacy and Andy looked at me in amazement. I'd not told them this. In fact, I'd only just realised it now. Just telling Rachel out loud had brought all my musings of the last few days together.
"Which is?" Rachel queried, leaning forward.
"Everything. It doesn't matter. I'm David Grant. I can present as Jayne, but deep down, I will still be David. I can present as fully male, and I will still be me. I'm not changing who I am. I'm me. I found it hard being Jayne with the wrong voice. When my voice has settled, I'd like help in finding her adult voice. Yesterday it took me a little time to get back into using my male lessons, so got called Jayne a few times before breakfast and even that didn't bother me."
I turned to Hilda. "Sorry, our chat seems to have got side-tracked."
"Not at all. It is good to see what really happens here. I think I'm really looking forward to working here."
I smiled and said, "Welcome to Hayfield Hall."
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 69
Sunday 23rd April 2006
After lunch, I was asked to report to Mr Hobsons office. Ad hoc summonses were unusual, and for Helen not to be included, made me thing it wasn't something year related. If it was Beta related, then I'd be seeing Mr Taylor, not Mr Hobson, and probably Stacy would be there too. It was with slight trepidation that I went to see the headmaster. I couldn't think of anything I'd done wrong.
When I got to his office, his door was wide open, and I saw Rachel was there with him. They both looked up when they heard me give a discreet cough at the door.
"Come on in and join us," Mr Hobson called out jovially.
I sat down on the settee and waited. Mr Hobsons attitude seemed to indicate that I wasn't in trouble.
"An opportunity has arisen to test your specialist skills knowledge. A company situated in London has been approached for a week's 'Work Experience'. The head of IT Security is looking forward to you sitting with one of his teams to learn how they work."
He paused to see if I had any questions. I had many, but decided to wait for them to tell me more.
Rachel picked up the conversation. "If I drive you to the train station, would you feel comfortable going into London yourself?"
I thought about it and confirmed I was confident in traveling alone. I'd been to London with Helen, Andy and Stacy, and travelled on the underground by myself, so this wasn't much different. Yet, I'd not been outside of Hayfield alone since... The image of the abduction in Iran flashed through my mind, and I quickly pushed it back. I hoped the momentary mental shudder didn't show.
"This doesn't make sense. Using the train and underground won't be an issue. However, IT Security wouldn't want to discuss their setups with outsiders. Their security would be confidential. Why would you think they would want to show me?"
Rachel looked enquiringly at Mr Hobson, who have a small smile like he knew something that neither of us did.
"You are there to learn what it is like going to work. How to interact with others there. The content is less important, though if you pick up any tricks, I'm sure you will impart them to Ms Toms."
"What's the name of the company, and where abouts in London are they?"
"GWPP Services. They're about a fifteen-minute walk from Euston."
"And what do they do?"
"Why don't you do some research? If you have any more questions, you know where to find me. I'll send the address and your contact via email. Oh, and Ms Toms will have a laptop for you later this evening."
That was a signal to me that this chat was finished. I rose and said, "Thank you, sir."
I noticed that Rachel was beside me as we walked down the corridor. "When you mentioned about the train journey, I had a quick flashback on the abduction."
Rachel was silent, and we kept ambling along. After a few moments she eventually said, "Every event in life, good or bad, impacts us. I'd have been worried if what happened in Iran didn't have some impact."
Just mentioning the issue gave me some relief. I mentioned that.
"Sometimes that's all that is needed. Are you okay to do the journey alone or would you like some company?"
"Can I let you know later?"
"You know how to get hold of me if you need me."
I wandered back to my bedroom. Helen had said she was going to do some revision, so knew she would be in one of the small study rooms off the library. I liked to spread out when I was studying and found the tiny rooms too small.
Alone, I put on some music and switched on my computer. I was soon browsing the internet for this company. Like most companies, it had a website and this one was rather flashy. Yet what they did still eluded me. I started to look elsewhere and came across an article where the CEO had won an award in Italy.
I opened it up and skimmed the article about how a flood had washed away a bridge, which cut off a small town. The company brought in a team which managed a replacement in record time. There were no pictures of the people involved or any other glimpse into the company.
I leaned back in my chair and thought. It didn't make sense to me. Why did Mr Hobson suggest I look up the company if there wasn't anything there? How were they chosen if there wasn't anything about them?
Monday 17th April 2006
I'd thought about wearing a suit when I'd travelled with Ms Toms to Edinburgh but had thought better of it. Today I didn't really have a choice; the company I was going to expected males to wear a suit. Just like my trip to Scotland, I was leaving Hayfield long before breakfast was served, so helped myself to breakfast cereal that were already out.
When I was ready, I found Rachel waiting for me with a car parked outside the front door. "Do you have your travel PDA and your wallet?"
I tapped my pockets to make sure. "Yes."
"Great. Here is your train ticket. Keep it safe or you will have to purchase your ticket back."
I placed it in my jacket pocket and climbed into the car.
Travelling into London wasn't difficult. I'd done it before, but never at rush hour. When I'd gone previously the train was mostly empty and we'd had our pick of seats. Today the train was full, and I had to stand.
The commuter's behaviour was something I hadn't experienced before. The train was packed but was almost silent. There were people reading books or newspapers, some reading emails on their Blackberry. But nobody talked to each other. Nobody struck up a conversation. A train full of strangers, all going to London but nobody caring about each other.
I felt slightly overwhelmed. When we pulled into Euston, I followed the stream of passengers down the platform, through the open barriers into the train station. It was there that the nerves started. I'd got my exams in a month, and yet I was not studying but going on work experience. Why now? Why me? Why this company?
Finding the building wasn't an issue. Yesterday evening, I'd looked at the London A-Z that we had in the school library and seen the route was straightforward. What I did miss though was Andy. Walking along the streets in London invoked thoughts of the time I'd done this with Andy after the Russian trip. Now I was alone.
I walked up to the door, and they slid open. Initially, this felt like a total first and felt lost. Looking around, though, I spied a desk with some people behind it. A reception, just like we had when I went to a hotel. Rachel once said to me "Use what I'd learnt and adapt to new situations". It never felt so true.
"I'm here to see Robert Spencer," I said, hoping I sounded confident.
"And your name?"
"David Grant."
Her fingers tapped on her keyboard. "Yes, I found you. You're here for a week. Please look at the end of the desk."
I did as she instructed and saw a camera. I quickly smiled before I got a "Thank you."
"Here is a security pass," she said, attaching it to the end of a lanyard before passing it to me. "As a visitor, it should be on display all the time while you are in the office. You will need this for passing through the security barriers, and through doors inside the office."
I slipped the lanyard over my head and peeked at the picture. It wasn't very good.
"Please don't lose it," the receptionist continued. "If you do, then please let security know. You will need to hand it back when you leave on Friday. Now, if you take a seat, I will let Mr Spencer know you have arrived."
Waiting is one thing I hated. Waiting when you didn't know what was happening was worse. It reminded me of the wait to hear the punishment after the London trip. Yet today wasn't a punishment, it was the unknown. It was the waiting.
People who worked there coming and going from the building. I saw them go up to a gate and using their security pass it opened to let them through. It reminded me of the gates on the tube. Once they were through, they disappeared round a corner. What was beyond that corner, hidden from view? Only a worker would know.
Time passed, and I waited. What if they'd forgotten about me? What if they didn't want me after all and were just leaving me here? What if I'd not done things correctly? Had I got the correct date? I took a deep breath and pulled myself together. The receptionist had said I was expected. I checked my watch, thinking I'd waited at least an hour, but I saw it had only been fifteen minutes. I had been early and was still before the time I was due there.
I eventually spied a man who appeared to be in his late twenties, or early thirties come towards me instead of towards the security barriers.
"Are you David Grant?" he enquired.
"Yes," I said, standing up.
"Rob Spencer." He offered his hand, and I tentatively shook it. "Let's go up. We have a team meeting first thing, so it's good you're here for that. I believe you're then visiting various departments to get a rough overview of what makes this company tick. Then for the rest of the week you will get a deeper taste of Infrastructure Security."
I followed his lead by pressing the badge reception had given me to the top of the gate. A small sign flashed green, and the Perspex panel swung open to let me in.
"Do you get claustrophobic?" Rob asked as we walked around the corner into the area I couldn't see from reception.
"No."
"Good, as some hate this."
There was a door which slid open as we approached. There was a small area, with another sliding door which remained shut. After a few seconds, with nobody else joining us, the door leading from the entrance lobby slid shut.
It was a few seconds before there was a beep and the inner door slid open.
Quite effective. If someone had jumped over the first security barrier, they wouldn't get through this secure area.
On the way, Rob pointed out where the toilets were, and where the onsite café was. All important things.
"Do you get many school children in for work experience?" I asked as we headed towards the meeting room where I'd meet his colleagues and boss.
"You are the first that I've ever seen," he responded. "There might have been to other departments, but certainly never in IT and I've worked here five years."
I didn't get chance to ask anything else, as we arrived at the meeting room. It was much larger than I expected, with just a few people there, but as I took a seat next to Rob more arrived.
"Hi David, I'm Paul Harrington the head of IT Security."
I looked across at Rob, who smiled at my inquisitive face. "I'm just in charge of the Infrastructure Security. Paul is my boss."
I looked back at Paul and said, "Pleased to meet you. Sorry, this is all new to me."
"It is for us too," Paul said reassuring me. "This is the first time we've had someone for work experience in this department and thought that a wider appreciation of where Infrastructure Security fits in with the broader department would be a worthy start. I believe you are visiting other areas of the business and then back with us later. It looks like everyone's here now, so let me get things started and we will have chance to have a chat over the next few days."
I looked around and saw everybody had laptops in front of them, so I quickly got mine out. I didn't want to look the odd one out.
"Nice laptop," muttered Rob.
It seemed strange making notes on it. I normally used my PDA, but I didn't even want to show my travel PDA. It was too bespoke to show a company like this.
* * *
Rachel picked me up from the station, but the chat was non-existent as I fell asleep on the journey home. I got in just as everyone was going to eat. I'd missed orchestra practice.
"So," asked Helen as we waited for the bell to collect the food. "What was it like?"
The rest of the conversations at the table quickly ended and everybody listened to what I said.
"Interesting. I was quite nervous at the beginning, but I was well looked after. The people going to work on the train are weird though. They don't talk to each other."
"Huh?" came out of Erika's mouth.
"I know, right?" I responded. "They just sat there reading a book or a newspaper. I'm sure I'd have heard if someone had farted."
"Keep it clean," instructed Dan with a slight frown.
I didn't think that farted was unclean but gave a slight nod of acceptance.
"And the company?" Helen asked. "How was that?"
"Interesting. I sat in a few meetings and went to a few different departments to get a picture of what different roles do what. The IT stuff I got on with fine. The finance department was just plain weird."
"Weird?"
"It's probably something I just don't understand. They 'posted' things and setup things called accruals. Perhaps we will learn about things like that when we're older."
"You'll cover things like that in Business Studies next year," promised Dan. "I'm sure then things like that will be a lot clearer."
"So, what did I miss today?" I enquired and the conversation moved away from what I'd been doing.
That night, when we were getting ready for bed, Helen asked about my work experience. "What does the company you're visiting do?"
"I visited three different departments and discussed what each of them do; yet I've still no idea what the company does."
"Perhaps things will be clearer tomorrow?"
"I'm not sure. I'm back in the infrastructure security area tomorrow learning one of the mundane jobs. I'm helping someone analyse log files for intrusion patterns."
"I thought there would be computer programs that did that."
"There are, but there are only so much they can do. There's nothing like scanning them manually. Computer algorithms are being more sophisticated, but until AI gets more advanced boring tasks will still have to be done. So how was your day?"
"Quiet. With only two classes and the rest just revision. You didn't miss anything. Oh, and I've got a meeting tomorrow evening with Andy."
"How's the handover going?"
"Great. Almost finished, which is good because-"
Helen trailed off and I saw she was trying to hold back tears. I moved across and we embraced and sobbed on each other shoulders. Stacy and Andy leaving wasn't something we discussed, as we knew it was painful to both of us.
Tuesday 18th April 2006
Day two of my work experience started just like the first. The train journey was the same, and the people just as uncommunicative. It was less busy, so I got a seat. However, when I tried to talk to the man sat next to me, he looked at me like I was an alien. He muttered a monosyllabic response and that was the end of it.
I'd been instructed that when I got there, to go to the IT department. I was surprised to not be escorted but did as I'd been instructed. Well almost. I stopped by at the staff café and picked up a coffee to take with me. They didn't have as big a range as a proper coffee shop, but it gave me chance to try a different type.
"Morning, David," called out Rob as I walked into his section's office.
"Hi," I responded, suddenly feeling nervous.
"Let me introduce you to Charlie. He is the one who is going to show you the logs. I'd like you to go through them. I hope you have questions after you've finished. Jot down any findings or queries and we will talk after.
We walked across to the back of the area, and a young man in his early twenties was tapping away at a computer.
"Charlie, this is David."
"Hi David," said Charlie, getting out of his chair. "I'm told you know how to read these logs. Let's see how you get on with a big corporate log, rather than your school log. I have a computer setup with access to raw logs, the syslog server, and our custom analyser."
"Come and see me in ninety minutes," said Rob, turning to go back to his desk.
I started looking at the logs, and Charlie sat next to me as I started shifting through the headline details.
"These got mentioned in yesterday's meeting," I mentioned. "Though you weren't there."
"Yesterday I was ill. So, Nicola sat in for me. Anyway, that’s just the high level from the perimeter firewall. Keep digging."
As I trawled through the data, I found internal firewall logs and that data was many times larger than the perimeter. After a few minutes of trawling, I was having trouble visualising the network structure. I started to draw a diagram based on the different subnets I'd found, but after a while I put my pen down and looked across at Charlie. He had a grin on his face.
"Do you have a network diagram?" I asked.
He leaned across and saw my scribble. "Not a bad attempt. I'm sure you would have refined it more if you were on your own, but I like that you asked. Go and see Rob and ask him."
"A setup?"
"You are here to gain experience in work. Rob thought this would be a nice way to show that nobody knows everything, and it is okay to ask. I think he'll be impressed that you did."
I went to see Rob, who looked away from his monitor as I approached. "How's it going?"
"I think I need a better understanding of the network to appreciate the data."
"I agree. Is there anything else that would help?"
"An overview of the company. I've spoken with a few departments, but without an overview the network structure won't make sense. Things like why the network is segmented the way it is."
"Nicely thought out."
Rob picked up his phone and dialled a number. "Are you okay to see David now? ... Yes, he asked ... Okay, I will bring him up."
When he'd hung up, Rob turned to me. "You can leave your coat here but take your laptop and briefcase with you. You will continue looking at the data tomorrow. The rest of today is you learning about the company structure and how the network is designed to meet that vision."
Instead of going up in the lift, we went out of a door, and up the stairs. Where the office was well laid out and smart, the stairs were just painted concreate. I supposed that if there was a fire, you wanted something that wouldn't burn.
When we exited the stairwell, we went into a different world. Where my description of the IT area was smart, this was plush. This wasn't carpet tiles, but a carpet with pile.
"Wow," I uttered.
"This is where big customers come to meet with the company directors. The only person who has an office on this floor is the CEO, Yvonne. She is also the owner."
At the end of the corridor, we went through a door into an office. I was introduced. "Sue, this is David Grant. David, Sue is Yvonne's personal assistant."
"Thanks Rob. I'll make sure that David gets to the infrastructure team after lunch."
After lunch? It wasn't even half-ten. How long did they expect me to be in with the CEO?
Rob disappeared. Sue turned to me and said, "Go straight into the office. Yvonne is expecting you. Close the door behind."
I went in and when I saw Yvonne my brain went into overdrive. So, the CEO of this company is also the Chair of Governors at the school. I closed the door behind me and took out my phone and placed it in bug sweep mode. I didn't want anything I say in here to be overheard.
"Thank you for having me in your company for work experience," I said, moving into the room.
Yvonne saw what I was doing and raised her eyebrows a bit but said in a neutral way. "It's good to see exceptional children early. We can get them interested in working here before they get nabbed by other companies."
My quick scan revealed nothing, and I put my phone away. I sat down on the offered chair opposite her desk.
"Do you often do that when you come into a room?"
I became a bit nervous but thought it would be good to justify myself. "The only reason I did today was because I presumed you would want this chat confidential. I wouldn't have done it with someone that I didn't know."
"How many times have we met?"
"Three times that I know about. The BAFTAs, when we came back from the last concert and today. You might have been at the school concert before we went to Paris, but I don't remember seeing you."
"I kept out of sight at the BAFTA party. So, when did you link me to that?"
"The meeting after the last concert. Your voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it. I worked it out that night."
Yvonne didn't say anything more on that but moved back to our planned conversation.
"You wanted to know about this company. We have two areas we deal with. First the main part of the company is we design and construct buildings. Our second area is we deal with is crisis situations. As a public example, we assisted in getting a bridge rebuilt in Italy when the old one got washed away in a flood."
"Why the high level of security?"
"We have offices in several countries, and some of our customers are governments. They tend to have a high demand for security."
"How does your work at the school relate to your work here."
"It doesn't. That would be unethical. Your school expansion wasn't done by us, but one of our competitors. Anyway, you are here for work experience, not my relationship with the school."
I paused for a moment and looked past Yvonne at the collection of photographs she had on a sideboard. A picture of a young woman caught my eye, who I presumed was Yvonne's daughter, but then I spotted a picture of Mr Taylor. It was several years old, but in my mind, there was no mistaking who it was.
I almost asked if they were family, but I didn't feel it was appropriate. "What type of work experience is this? Generic or future employment?"
"That is a really good question."
Yvonne paused but didn't respond any more to my question. Instead, she reached into a folder and pulled out a sheet of A3 and passed it across the desk. "That is the current company structure. Let me explain the different departments and how they relate."
I listened and made a few notes on my laptop. But for the majority, I just listened and took it in.
* * *
"I've been accepted," said Stacy with glee.
I glanced across at Helen, but she didn't have any more details than I did.
"Accepted?"
"At university. Imperial College has given me an unconditional offer."
I looked across at Andy and saw he was grinning. "I'm also off to Imperial College."
"I bet that's a relief, going to the same university."
"What do you mean, an unconditional offer?" Helen asked.
"Most pupils get conditional offers. They must get so many A levels at certain grades. Such as ABB. It depends on the university and the type of course. Since we already have our A level results, since we did them early, they issued an unconditional offer."
"I thought you would have applied to more than one?"
"We did. We got offers from Leeds and Manchester. But we really wanted Imperial."
"I know it's somewhere in London. But where abouts?"
"You remember that Proms concert we went to? It's just by there."
Thursday 19th April 2006
Yesterday had been tedious. With my knowledge gained on Tuesday of the company and network structure I'd gone through the analysis. It married up with what Charlie had done. So, brownie points for getting it correct, but something nagged at me. It wasn't until the journey in today that I suddenly realised what was wrong.
Rob was running late, an incident at the station his train came into had caused trains to terminate the station before, and the underground from there was now overcrowded. Charlie had signed onto the computer I'd been using, and I started checking the data, while he did the important duty of getting two drinks.
Charlie returned with the coffee, and when he saw the data that I was looking at he exclaimed, "That's from four months ago!"
I nodded and continued to filter and extract to feed into the analysis tool.
"But that's not on your PC. It's also not on the server."
"I grabbed it from your hot backup. What happened three weeks ago?"
He gave me a nervous look. "What do you mean?"
"Three weeks ago, the logging was turned up. That's not something you do on just a whim."
Charlie looked around and whispered. "One of our factory designs turned up in a competitor quote."
That was when I thought I understood why I'd been asked to do work experience. But why me? Why not June? Why not any other commercial security contractor? They would be better than I was!
"Are they sure it is a network breach? Couldn't one of the people here have spilled the beans to the competitor?"
"It's possible, but there have been a few other things which I don't know the details on. You seem very confident. Are you sure you're still at school?"
"I'm still at school," I reassured. "Why don't you get on with your work while I look through the data. See if a separate pair of eyes spots something."
"Please don't access any other servers. If you need something, ask."
For an hour, I tracked through the local data, and didn't find anything strange. There was still no sign of Rob.
"Still no Rob?" I enquired as I passed Charlie while coming back from the toilets.
"There was a crush at the tube station. Too many people off the mainline train trying to get through the ticket hall. He's in hospital."
Rob wouldn't be here to give me different work, so I continued with the logs. It was by chance that I stumbled on my first clue. I'd made a mistake with my query, and instead of excluding the server-to-server data, that's all that was shown. I was about to rerun the correct query when I spotted something strange. There was a lot of access between two servers that I didn't expect.
I sat back and staired at the screen. It didn't change what I saw, but how did it work? I tried to remember back to the conversations I'd had with the infrastructure team, but nothing came to mind. I looked through my notes but saw nothing of relevance.
"How's it going?" asked Charlie, reappearing from wherever he'd been.
"I still can't find anything," I lied, hoping he couldn't hear my heart pounding. I had no idea who might be involved with the data leak and didn't want to tip anybody off. Some work experience this was. "I was wondering, with Rob not around, if you could introduce me to the server team?"
"That was supposed to be tomorrow. Let me see Paul. I'm too junior, but to me it makes sense. "
I quickly removed the evidence of my analysis, just in case.
After finishing with the server team, there was nothing for me to do, so was let out early. The good news was that Rob had been released from hospital and would be back tomorrow.
The walk back to the station was quieter than it was the last few days. In the evening, there is always a bustle of people heading home. But at three in the afternoon, it was quiet. Well quiet for pedestrians. The amount of traffic never diminished.
As I was walking towards the station, I noticed my left shoelace was becoming undone, so stopped to refasten. As I was doing that, I noticed a woman on the opposite side of the road slowed down and glanced in an estate agents window. Coincidence? I remembered something Stacy had once said, "Keep calm. Don't let on that you know you're being followed."
My heartbeat picked up as I stood. I carried on walking at the same speed as I did before. I didn't know if they were following me, or not. I could just be imagining things. And if they were following me, why? A white van approached, and I altered my direction slightly to move further away from the curb. I didn't think I'd be snatched in London, but the white van was a reminder that these things happen.
A Starbucks gave me a chance to test the situation; as well as a chance to try a different coffee. Ten minutes later I was out carrying a caramel macchiato. There was no obvious sign of my tail.
At Euston, seeing only the slow train on the board, I took a seat in the open arena to wait for the fast train. I was just having a sip of coffee and I saw her coming in. Unsure what to do, I decided to call the school. But I was unsure who to ring. I thought about Stacy, but even though she was head student, she was just a student. Mr Taylor was my main beta contact, but this wasn't anything to do with the beta team. That left Rachel and Mr Hobson.
I knew that even if I rang Rachel, Mr Hobson would need to be advised. It would be best to talk direct. I took out my phone, and while going through the contacts, I realised I could take a picture of the woman without it looking like I was. With the picture taken, I sent it to Mr Hobson and immediately dialled him.
"Hi David."
"Sir, I've just sent you an email. I've finished early for the day."
"Hang on. I've not ... scrub that, it's just arrived. I presume you're not taking pictures of pretty women because you want to get into publishing?"
I smiled a bit at his banter. "She was with me from the office to the station, even after I stopped for coffee. It might just be coincidence."
"Get the train to Hemel Hempstead. You will need to get a new ticket. Rachel will be there to meet you. If there is one that leaves in the next ten minutes, miss it. It will give her time to get there. Please be careful."
"Thank you. I'll try."
I sauntered to the ticket office to buy a ticket and went via the toilets to the platform. Since Euston was a terminus, the trains were often sitting there waiting for people to board. So even though my train wasn't leaving for fifteen minutes, the train was waiting. I was seated, and waiting for the train to leave, when I saw the mysterious woman walk past my window. The window reflection showed her getting on at the next carriage door, just behind where I was sat.
The trip to Hemel only had one stop and it didn't seem long before the train was slowing down for my destination. As I got off, I was surprised that the woman didn't follow. Perhaps I was wrong. I felt worried that I'd caused issues unnecessarily. Was I getting paranoid?
Since it was the middle of the afternoon, the train had been mostly empty, and I was the only one that had got off the train. As I went through the gates, I saw Rachel waiting.
"Are you okay?" she asked when I got close.
"Yes, thank you. The woman stayed on the train. I must have been mistaken. Sorry."
"Don't be sorry. It was no hardship for me to come here. It made a nice change. Let's get you back."
When we got to the car, I was surprised it wasn't empty. In the driver's seat was Mr Taylor. I got into the back, and I was surprised when Rachel joined me. I'd expected her to get into the front passenger seat.
I was about to apologise to Mr Taylor, but Rachel indicated I should keep quiet, and we were soon underway. It was my first experience of the Magic Roundabout, but even that experience didn't cheer me up. The silent journey made me feel that I was in trouble.
We'd been on the M1 for about five minutes when Mr Taylor got a call. I was surprised when it came out of the car speaker. "You have a tail. Black Ford Mondeo."
"Don't look around," urgently whispered Rachel.
I did as she asked but wondered how did she know I was going to look? Perhaps it is a standard human reaction.
"I'll use route 3."
"Acknowledged."
And that was that. The call was terminated.
"It looks like your instincts were correct," called out Mr Taylor from the front.
I sighed. This wasn't what I wanted. After we got back from the last concert and the abduction, it appeared that Mr Hobson wanted to wrap me in cottonwool. I was pleased that he didn't seem to have an issue with me going to London; and now this. Would he get nervous about me going out again? I knew I wouldn't be going back tomorrow.
"It seems it is more complete work experience than I initially expected," I responded.
That got a chuckle from Mr Taylor and a frown from Dr Ruiz. I thought that Mr Taylor would put his foot down and try to lose the person following us. He didn't. He kept at a steady speed as if nothing was happening.
"I thought you would have sped up?" I enquired, taking this as a time to learn.
"We want to lose them, but make it look like they lost us by accident. It we went fast, it would put us all in danger, and Mr Hobson would be most displeased."
I smiled at the phrasing. Displeased indeed.
Mr Taylor made it seem simple. The road from the motorway to Dunstable was littered with traffic lights. It wasn't long before the car following us got held up. No danger to us, no danger to others. Just thoughtful driving and we got away. It certainly wasn't like in the movies.
With our tail gone, we turned for home and it was with relief that the gates swung majestically open. When we'd passed through, I called "Can we stop please."
"Sure," responded Mr Taylor, sounding slightly puzzled.
I turned around and watched the gates close. I felt a sense of relief. I was home. The gates were closed. I was safe.
Mr Taylor was watching me and gave a small smile when he saw me relax. He didn't need to be told and drove on to the building.
"Let's go and see Mr Hobson," suggested Rachel when we got out of the car. Well, it wasn't really a suggestion. It might have sounded like one, but it was really an order.
After a quick diversion to the toilet, I was sat in Mr Hobson's office, with the door firmly shut.
"First thing, are you okay?" he asked.
"Yes. I felt a bit wobbly when I got out of the car, and I have a bit of a headache."
"It's good you are being honest with us. I was more thinking about you being followed and if what happened in Iran had caused you any issues."
"It did come into my thoughts when I realised that I was being followed. I moved so I wasn't as close to the road and did keep my eyes on vans, but they were all going the same speed as other traffic."
"Do you know why someone followed you?"
"I think so."
Both Mr Hobson and Dr Ruiz leaned forward. Obviously eager to hear what I had to say.
After a moment of silence where they gathered that I wasn't saying any more. "And?"
"Sorry, Sir. It is something confidential to that company. I had a meeting with their CEO last Tuesday. I think that would be the best person to give that information."
"And do you know how to contact them?"
"I tried to ring their office earlier, but their personal assistant said they were in a meeting all afternoon. I was hoping, since you setup the work experience, that you would have a direct route."
"Now on to the thorny subject of tomorrow. I'm worried for your safety and am inclined for you not to go."
"WHAT?!" I yelled. "You can't do that!"
Mr Hobson scowled and said indignantly. "Excuse me?"
I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. When I felt more under control, I opened them to see Mr Hobson still staring at me.
"I'm sorry for my outburst."
"I know its frustrating, but I'm responsible for your safety."
I paused to formulate a reasonable argument. "I know you are, but there are always dangers. There are street gangs stabbing each other, there are car accidents. Heck, look at the terrorist attack last year. We have to learn to live in the world, or we won't be prepared when we leave school."
I sighed and continued, "It must be hard to balance the risks versus the rewards. When is the danger too much?"
Rachel spoke for the first time since we'd started the discussion. I thought she was there just so she knew what was discussed. "How about David being driven there and dropped off outside the front door? He can ring us when he knows when he will be leaving, so he can also be collected. That gives David the opportunity the work experience gives, without this new threat. He's been on the train for four days, so going a different way won't impact the 'commute' experience."
I looked across at Rachel and gave her a grateful smile. I kept forgetting she didn't just keep us in line or help our mental health. She also represented me to the school.
"I think that sounds a fair compromise," mused Mr Hobson. "Are you okay with that David?"
"Yes, thank you for letting me finish. I'm sorry I was impertinent."
He gave me a curt nod of acknowledgement. I knew it wouldn't be something he would forget in a hurry.
"David, why don't you come and see me after tonight's meal. I'm sure I should be able to get hold of the CEO, and you can explain the issue you found."
"Thank you, sir."
As I walked out, Rachel steered me down the corridor and out of the emergency fire door. "We can have a private chat as we walk. Now, what brought on that outburst. I've never seen you so out of control."
I thought about it. "It wasn't really anger. I think it was more frustration and disappointment. I've worked hard this week, and I was worried that it was all for nothing."
"Rarely are things, 'just for nothing'. A bit of homework for you. Think about what you have learnt this week that you didn't know before. Not just in the office, and how an office works. Think about what you wear, how you get there and dealing with people you don't know."
"I suppose."
"Finally, in the work you want to do, there is often segmentation or compartmentalisation. Think about what happened in Russia. The data that was needed was gained by one team, and then it was passed to another team to analyse and deal with. You may never find out what happens to it; you just have to trust that the next in the chain do their job."
We ambled on in silence for a few moments. Rachel continued, "So what are you doing since you are back here in very good time?"
"Update Helen, Stacy and Andy. That's one frustrating thing about the school layout."
"What do you mean?"
"All the years have their own common room. We do things like language lessons and orchestra as a whole school. Yet apart from the library and the sports areas there isn't any way to hang out with friends in other years."
"Oh?"
"Take Kevin. I play next to him in orchestra. The only time we get to hang out is when he's been teaching me how to play squash. If you look, the sports centre is used mostly in the weekend and in holidays. After lessons and homework, all you want to do is relax. We do that in the common room."
"Isn't that what it was like at your old school? Each year had its own area where you were during breaks?"
"Sure, but when school had finished, we had the opportunity to meetup with who we wanted. I didn't, I just hid in my room. If you look out back, during the warmth, you often see us mixing out back. That isn't possible during winter."
"Do you think the year lounges should stay or just be merged into one?"
I shrugged my shoulders. "No idea. Perhaps keep them to see how things go. They would be a quiet area away from the hullabaloo. Perhaps year common rooms encouraged for homework, rather than been done in the whole school lounge."
"A lot to consider. Let me discuss it with the other support staff. This might already have been tried and didn't work, or it might have never been thought about."
After the evening meal, I waited a few minutes and wondered down to Mr Hobsons office. There was an unknown person standing outside the door. The word 'bodyguard' flashed through my head.
"Mr Grant, Mrs Taylor is expecting you. Go right in."
I opened the door and saw Yvonne. So, her surname is Taylor, and she has a picture of Mr Taylor in her office. Interesting.
"Come in and shut the door. Quentin thought this was best the two of us. He went to a meeting regarding pupil cohesion. Someone made a well thought out use of school funds."
With the door closed, I took a seat opposite her. "Justin contacted me earlier, he said you had some unwelcome company for the journey back here."
"Justin?"
She smiled. "Mr Taylor to you. My brother-in-law if you are interested. I saw you noticed his photograph in my office. I was surprised you didn't ask then."
"It didn't seem appropriate."
"I suppose it wasn't germane to the conversation we were having. So, what did you find?"
"You have a leak, though I think you already know that. I need to confirm the data set to see when it started, but you have a compromised server. Servers are allowed to talk to each other without being blocked by the internal firewalls. Someone is using that to be able to get information they normally wouldn't be allowed to access."
"I see. Do you know who is doing this?"
"I don't think it is just one person. The software could have got on the box via a trojan. But there have been many opportunities to spot the unexpected data traffic. I spotted in the logs, but then I wasn't conditioned about what to look for or not look for. Internal people might ignore inter server data because they expect the servers to be secure. Sue, your personal assistant, said you were unavailable. Were you?"
"No, I was in my office. I had no calls or meetings."
"But she doesn't have access to the server that handles external contractors. That is the compromised server. Hence why multiple people must be involved."
Yvonne pulled out her phone and made a call. "George its Yvonne Taylor. I need a team immediately. I have one confirmed compromised server, and I need to know that the network and firewalls are secure ... Yes, I'm sure … Okay, see you in two hours."
She then turned to me. "David, you aren't to come to the office tomorrow. In essence there will be no office for anybody there tomorrow. A specialist team will come in and audit my IT."
"So why did you get me to come in, under the guise of work experience, if there was a company that specialise in this type of work?"
"The company that is coming in are like a sledgehammer to crack a nut. My whole company will be paralysed while the heart is ripped out, verified, and if needed, replaced. I didn't want to do that if there wasn't a verified problem. It could have been someone writing down details and passing it on. You found a verifiable issue that they can now fix. Thank you."
I smiled. "Thank you for having faith in me. It makes me feel worthy."
As I walked back to the year common room, Rachel's words came back to me. "You may never find out what happens to it; you just have to trust that the next in the chain do their job.
I might never know who was involved. Were any of the people I worked with involved? Could I live without knowing?
I sighed. This work experience had been much more comprehensive than I first thought.
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Part 70 - Final Chapter
Wednesday 24th May 2006
"Time's up," informed the exam invigilator, breaking through the silence of the exam room. "Please put down your pens and close your answer books."
A sigh rippled through the classroom, followed by the scraping of chairs as people sat back for the first time in nearly two hours.
"What did you think of that exam?" I asked Helen as we left the exam room.
"Very strange," she responded as we filed out. "These exams have been a lot easier than I thought they would have been."
"I know, right?" added Emma. "I mean we're doing these exams two years early. You'd think we would struggle more."
We went to our years common room and settled in our favourite seats.
"Just one exam left in a few weeks," stated Lewis. "I don't plan on studying for that until after the leaving party. So, what now?"
"I thought about lying out back," said Paula.
Just as she finished saying those words, we heard a rumble of thunder in the distance.
"I thought it was supposed to be dry today," sighed Paula. "Can't the weather people get it right?"
"How about a game then?" suggested Helen.
"Sure," replied Emma. "Though I thought you would be spending time with Andy and Stacy before they leave."
Paula elbowed Emma.
"What?" queried Helen.
"Any time year five leaving is mentioned, you and David get all glum. We've all seen how you look at them and they look at you."
I blushed and couldn't look at anybody. What must they think?
"Hey, I've seen them both help each one of you and keep what they know to themselves," said Martha sounding pissed off. "And now you just gossip that they're in some open relationship."
"Polyamorous, not open," I muttered, hoping the floor would open and swallow me.
"Good," said Emma and moved across to give both Helen and I a hug. "Now it's out in the open and you don't have to hide."
"Huh?" uttered Helen, her voice sounding shaken.
"I know how I would feel if I wasn't with Paula. If you only feel a fraction of what I feel for Paula, then when they leave you are going to be heartbroken. Yes, you have each other, but there is more to it for you. Now you know that we know, you don't have to hide your feelings and we can be there to help."
I burst into tears. They were a great group of friends.
"Thank you," I blubbered. It didn't come out quite right between sobs.
"When did you realise?" asked Helen.
"At first, I thought it was just the Beta handover stuff, but it was the way you were with each other. The day after your commitment ceremony sealed it for me."
Others were nodding.
"Oh?"
"Helen was in hospital and nobody was allowed to see you. David was with you, but so was Andy and Stacy. For that to occur, not only must Rachel have known, but it was accepted by the school."
"So, why don't you spend some time with them?" asked Brian. "I mean, there is only so many days before they go."
"Later," I said, trying to pull myself together. I was still in shock that my friends knew about our cross-partner feelings. "They are also leaving their friends. They need to spend time with year five too. Stacy works so hard that she doesn't get to spend as much time with her friends as she should. I'm not going to take that away from her."
"I hate to ask this, but do you know the schedule for year five leaving?"
I sighed and tried not to get upset. After all, it wasn't their fault I was in a relationship which part would turn into a long-distance thing.
"While Helen was in the hospital, we talked a bit about it. I don't remember everything, as I was more worried how Helen was. All I remember is that the day before they leave there will be some type of presentation, and then a big party. Andy described the amount of food after our Commitment Ceremony as just the right amount. He said at this party it will be too much."
"Too much?" gasped Lewis. "I don't think there can ever be too much food."
I shrugged. "Perhaps I remember it wrong. I had other things on my mind that day."
"Stacy is on her way," announced Helen. "She said she would fill us all in."
While we waited, we moved the seats around a bit to fit in another chair to the circle. She was soon being invited in and sat with us.
"It doesn't seem five minutes since I was sat here explaining what happened at Christmas. So how much has David and Helen told you?"
Erika repeated it.
"Okay, so that's the basics for your involvement. Let me explain what has been happening in year five, so you are prepared when you get there. All of us are off to university. That doesn't always happen. Last year two couples decided they'd done enough tertiary education and went straight to employment. Since university accommodation isn't available yet, we will be living in rented property for a few months. When you leave, the school pays for six months accommodation, so you have somewhere to get started. We each have a stipend to purchase clothes and other things we need. Remember, we can't take our school clothes. The school also pays for our university fees and accommodation."
"Have you already started getting things?" asked Emma.
"Sure, we have a furnished apartment in London. We've been buying clothes and getting it setup. For those moving further away, the school organise storage and shipping, just like they did with the Christmas gifts."
"So, there's no real packing for you? You just up and leave."
"With empty pockets just wearing a simple set of clothes. Just like when we joined."
"That sounds so ... harsh," whispered Paula, sounding a bit shocked. "Like they're kicking you out of your home."
"Not really. If we left with nothing, then I'd agree. The school try to make it as simple and smooth as possible. It's no different from when you finish at university. You have a move out date of your accommodation. You know when it is and prepare. Life moves on. We've done our education here. The school have taught us so much. Now it is time to learn elsewhere and give back."
"And that's it? You just disappear?"
"No, Paula. We don't just disappear. We all have email addresses, so it's easy to keep in touch. Also, sometimes an ex-pupil is asked to help. June, the head pupil the year before me, was here a few times this school year and I know of several others that came by. You just didn't see them, as they weren't here to help you."
"The final bit is the departure. Just as you were collected and escorted to the school, the reverse occurs. We leave with one of the support staff and when we get there, we get changed and put our school clothes into a bag. They are then brought back."
She took out her PDA and clicked a few buttons. Our television came on, and we saw a picture of thirty-two students lining the driveway; the cars were departing.
"This is last year's event. The leaving. It isn't a day to mourn, it is a day to celebrate. In four years, you will be ready to leave. You will be educated to a standard much higher than most people that age. The school will have done what it can, and it is time to face the world. Life is an experience where you are always learning.
"Paula, since you seem to be asking most of the questions, let me ask you something. You and Emma have been helping at the farm next door. How's it going?"
"I was scared at first, but it has been really good. I get on well with the others over there. It isn't like I thought though. I thought I would be working a lot with Emma. However, Emma knew a lot since she grew up on the farm, so I'm at a much lower level than her."
"And is your day different, than at school?"
"Oh sure. At school there are set meals. When we are at the farm, you stop when you can. If you're bringing in the cows for milking it isn't possible to stop for a drink, let alone food. We're more driven by events, than a time."
"And you David, your work experience you did?"
"That was a lot more structured. Nothing I did was time critical. I was able to stop for lunch when I wanted, well between set times."
"Lucky you," moaned Brian. "I've done no work experience yet."
"Mine was only for four days," I reminded him. "Emma and Paula's is different as its just next door, and that type of skill isn't something that can be learnt at the school. I'm sure we will all get work experience when we're further through the school. We have GCSE and A-Levels to worry about first."
"When you leave, do we stay in this room, or do we move to where year two are?" asked Lewis
"You stay here. This is your year common room. Rather like you won't change bedrooms."
"Good, I've kind of grown to like this room."
With no other questions, she bid us adieu and went back to join her year.
I looked across and saw Anna relax. "Anna, why does Stacy make you nervous? You got on well with Andy when you did the Mozart."
"Oh sure, Andy was so helpful. It's just Stacy. I've no idea why, as she has been nothing but kindness. I mean, she's year five, leader of the orchestra and so super talented."
"So, not a nervous fright, but in awe?" asked Martha.
"I suppose. I mean-" Anna tailed off and blushed.
"I think she'd pretty awesome too," I added with a cheeky grin.
That got a groan and lots of cushions thrown at me.
"At lease she didn't know that we knew about the polyamorous thing," pointed out Emma.
Helen grimaced a bit. "She knew. I told her when I asked her to talk about year five leaving."
There was a stunned silence and a lot of embarrassed faces.
* * *
Andy saw me coming off the squash court. I'd been beaten again, but I was slowly improving my game. It wasn't as easy a game as I first thought. It helped that since I now knew the basics, the number of people I played against was increasing.
"Since the whole school seems to know about the four of us, do you fancy a trip tomorrow?"
"A trip?"
"For you and Helen to see our new apartment."
I think my grin gave away my answer. "Is the school okay with that? And did you have to give assurances?"
"Rachel and Mr Hobson gave their approval. And yes, we had to give various assurances."
I nodded. "It wouldn't have mattered. We know we are too young, and we wouldn't want to get you into trouble."
"Tomorrows I'll be going en-femme. I need to get some Brenda outfits. At least a few so I can go out to get more if I need."
"I'll go as Jayne." This was the first time I'd offered to dress as Jayne since working out that what I wore didn't matter. Was I more like Andy? More to ponder.
"You sure you're okay with that?"
"Yes."
"You're sure?" he asked concerned.
"Are you sure you want to go as Brenda?" I retorted.
Andy held up his hands in mock surrender.
Thursday 25th May 2006
"Remember, nothing can happen," Helen said, as we got dressed.
"I know," I responded. "And if we did make a pass at them and got rejected, we'll just feel miserable."
"So, we just go, have a good time but no making passes at them or dropping hints. Four girls out having fun."
"Yes," I tried to sound cheerful. Deep down it hurt, but I knew the reasons. Just because my heads said something, doesn't mean my heart has to follow. "Do I look okay?"
This was the first major trip since I'd got my adult Jayne voice. It had been hard work finding her, but I was glad I had. Rachel had been very cautious about making sure my voice was stable before I embarked on these extra lessons. Helen was concerned it might impact my studies, but I found it a fun thing to do. Who would have thought that I would want to do something so I could be Jayne?!
"You look great, and you sound perfect. Let's go meet the others and get breakfast. I don't want to go to London with an empty stomach."
Just as we were finishing breakfast, I noticed Hilda, who was sat at our table today, had a rather unusual necklace. It was gold with what appeared to be a blue thread running through it. I thought about asking about it but didn't feel it was appropriate with everyone around.
With calls of "have fun", and "enjoy yourselves" ringing in our ears we went out to meet up with Brenda and Stacy. They were chatting with Rachel as we went out the front.
I saw Rachel look us over and said, "Jayne, are you ready for this?"
"Yes. Is my voice acceptable as well as my look?"
"Of course. Sorry if you find my confirming is exasperating. We just care. I'll drop you off. Give me a shout when you are due back, and we will collect you."
"Thanks for this," said Brenda.
"Getting sorted for leaving school is important and it's good to see you thinking about all your needs. As for Jayne and Helen tagging along, it is a good opportunity for the four of you to spend some quality time together."
I was glad I hadn't worn mascara. It seemed that the school, or certain staff at the school, seemed to understand that our unique relationship was important. I'd no idea how Helen and I would cope over the next few years.
As we left the grounds, I soon realised we were going a different way than we normally did. "Aren't we going the wrong way?"
"We're going to Harlington station," explained Stacy. "It's on a different line and its easier for our new place. It's also easier for us to make sure nobody is following us. I'm told Security are still nervous."
When we pulled up at the station, I saw why we were dropped off rather than us taking one of the pool cars that year five were insured to use. It was a tiny station with limited parking, which appeared to be full.
Stacy went to get the tickets and while we waited, I asked, "So which station are we going to, and where are you going shopping?"
"We're going to Farringdon, which is closest to our apartment. We'll have a drink and a chat, then go up to Brent Cross for the shops. It would have been quicker to go directly to the shops, but it means more train changes."
"We aren't going to Oxford Street then?"
"It might be closer," pondered Brenda, as Stacy reappeared and dished out a ticket each.
"A day travelcard. It will get us into London and the zones on the underground we need, then back here."
"Jayne was suggesting Oxford Street instead of Brent Cross," mentioned Brenda as we crossed over the bridge to the platform.
"How could we have forgotten about there," laughed Stacy. "We just looked up big shopping malls. How could we forget the most famous shopping street in the country?!"
Since it was post rush hour the trip was quiet. I was quite surprised when the train went underground and was even more surprised when we stopped at Kings Cross Thameslink. "This would have been a shorter trip for my work experience," I complained.
"Sure, but a longer trip for Rachel," responded Helen. "Anyway, you missed out on our morning exercise, so it was good you did some walking."
"Ooh," said Brenda and Stacy together at Helen's teasing. Well, I hope she was teasing.
It wasn't long before we rolled into Farringdon, and I noticed the underground platforms ran parallel to the main line.
"This is so convenient," I commented.
"Why do you think we chose here," retorted Stacy.
"Cheap and available?"
"Sure, it was available, but this is London. Nothing is cheap."
Within a few minutes of leaving the station we were being invited into their apartment. It was bright, clean but stark.
"What do you think?" asked Stacy, rather nervously.
"It's great," Helen and I said together. We all laughed at that.
"A great find," added Helen.
"Really convenient. You only get this for six months?"
"Yes. Such a shame. So, now you know where we'll be living, let's go and get me some clothes," said Brenda. "Then we can go and have a nice day out. A nice time, just the four of us."
The shopping didn't take long and then we were out, exploring London. We'd done the quiz when we were getting over the Russia trip, but none of us knew London. A hop-on-off bus tour, a trip on the London Eye and a walk past MI6 headquarters. Thank goodness Mavis Brown didn't see us.
Monday 29th May 2006
After lunch, instead of carrying on studying, Helen and I had an appointment with Mr Hobson. As usual he hadn't forewarned us what he wanted to discuss. Even though I'd met him several times over the last year, I still got nervous. I didn't think we'd done anything wrong.
"Come in and shut the door," he boomed when we arrived. We were offered to sit on his comfy settee, and I felt myself relaxing. I glanced at the two plastic chairs opposite his desk and was glad we weren't being invited to sit on them.
"This morning, Mr Taylor and I had a rather detailed review of your participation in the Beta program. You both have worked hard with your respective handovers, and you will be Beta One and Beta Two when the current holders leave. There is no ceremony for this, as the Beta program has always been hidden. As the years go on the knowledge of what happened in Russia will disappear and the program will again fade from view."
I glanced across at Helen, at the same time as she glanced across at me. We both shared the same expression of relief mixed with glee. How Mr Hobson had started his speech had me nervous that we wouldn't be allowed. Now we knew we'd passed that hurdle.
"However," started Mr Hobson. I quickly turned to look back. That wasn't a good start to a sentence. Not in this case. "However, there is an issue with continued training. You have only the management side covered, with some basic training. The continued learning would normally be done by a senior student overseen by Mr Taylor. We won't have that."
My gaze didn't leave Mr Hobson's face. Were things going to be different? Was that it? Were we going to be symbolic?
"To get around this unfortunate situation, we will mostly revert back to how things were when the Beta program first started. Mr Taylor will be teaching and guiding your additional learning and training. However, some elements are best coming from students, so Andy and Stacy have been asked to provide some assistance a few times a year, for the next three years."
"Thank you, sir," uttered Helen. I just grinned.
"Four years is a long time. I hope this helps a little. Now, back to your studying."
Thursday 1st June 2006
When we entered the dining room for breakfast, we saw boards surrounding the edge of the room. They were full of pictures taken of the leavers over there time in school. How they'd changed. I was surprised there were pictures of some of them pre transition. A few gasps of shock could be heard from a few in year one.
"It is who we were," I heard Stacy from behind us, knowing what we were thinking.
"Sorry?" asked Helen.
"Just because some of us are not the gender we were when we started school, it doesn't mean we try to shut it out. I know that some try to blank it out, and some of us might do that in future. Stealth they call it."
"But don't you hate the reminder?" asked Emma.
Stacy shrugged. "Not really. Yes, I had some difficulties before joining this school, but not since. Who I was in year one is just as important to me. I can celebrate my change because I can say this is who I was, and this is who I am now. Even people who don't change gender have changed from who they were when we joined. Be glad you didn't know Andy when he first arrived."
"Hey, I wasn't that bad!" called out Andy looking at the next board.
"Oh, let me see. The swimming pool incident, the bicycle chain incident, the mistletoe in the cinema incident, the –"
"Okay, okay," laughed Andy. "Perhaps I needed a bit of straightening out."
"There's a picture of the mistletoe incident here," called out Susan from further down.
"A few notices", called out Mr Hobson, and we all scarpered to our chairs. "There is time for looking at the boards after breakfast. From Monday the classroom wing will be out of bounds for several weeks. That includes both floors, not just the ground floor. There is a lot of unused space on the first floor, which is going to be turned into classrooms. The dance area should stay the same. Downstairs, some of the rooms will be turned into a large recreational room for all years to share. Like a whole school version of your year room. Things like boardgames will be moved from the library and stored in the new room. Your year rooms will stay and will be a good place for group study. You share a lot that's not year related, like the orchestra. The hope is this new area will enhance the idea that we are one school, not five years."
"Do you have plans that we can see?" asked Tim.
"There are plans, but I don't plan on sharing. I want it to be a surprise. Second notice, there are no lessons tomorrow, so curfew tonight is waved for all years until 2am. Breakfast will be as and when you come down and will just be cold items, as the kitchen staff won't be on duty until later."
* * *
Just before lunch a handbell rang out, and our chatter quickly came to an end. The bell sounded again, and on the third ring Stacy rose.
"The bell has rung three times. My time at this school is ending. Will Susan, as head student of year four, take on this duty or should a special vote be held?"
Susan rose. "I would be honoured to take that duty."
Stacy then called out, "Mr Hobson, as Headmaster, will you accept Susan as the student representative?"
Mr Hobson rose and turned to face Susan. "Susan, I accept your nomination as head student. I look forward to our first official meeting."
Susan and Stacy walked towards each other and hugged. A bell with a slightly lower pitch, and more solemn sounding, tolled twice, and we all stood and applauded.
There is one thing I've found about this school, they like ceremony.
Friday 2nd June 2006
Pupils from year one to four were dotted along the drive waiting for the departing cars. Helen and I were stood next to each other, holding hands. Those in the higher years had known them for much longer, but they had been through this ritual before. It was our year's first experience of this. Yes, we'd moved away from our birth family, and had suffered that loss. Yet today was something that, for me, felt more profound.
In five weeks, a new cohort would arrive. Ten new pupils away from home, some for the first time. Ten children bewildered and surprised by the greeting that Susan will give. Ten new friends to welcome into the family.
As the cars started to depart, our hands got tighter. My heart sank as they drove past. With the tinted windows, we couldn't see if Andy and Stacy were looking at us and we couldn't get a last glimpse of them. It wouldn't be the same without them. Not just Andy and Stacy, but the whole of year five. Hayfield was a small school, and therefore everyone mattered.
We just stood there; bereft. When I eventually refocused, I saw that Helen and I were the only ones left. We were alone.
"Bye," I quietly whimpered. "Bye."
I've been a fan of Karen Page's story, A New Style of Education, for a while now. At first, I had trouble of keeping track of who was who until I found her character list. When I first saw the list, I was thinking of the PDA's often mentioned in the story and ... well ... created what you see below. Just click anywhere on the PDA to get things started, then click on the tabs at the top of the screen to navigate. Enjoy! :)
Story and characters copyright 2005-2007 by Karen Page
iNode online PDA simulator copyright 2007 by Heather Rose Brown
A New Style of Education
by Karen Page
Deleted Chapter
This follows on from Part 63. The day after the commitment ceremony.
Events in this were mentioned in several later chapters. I didn't include it as I thought it might have been a distraction. On reflection I think it does add something, so rather like Blu-ray disks sometimes contain "deleted scenes" I thought this would be a good way to share it – after the event.
Sunday, 12th March 2006
Thank goodness it was a Sunday and because of the previous night's fun, all the breakfasts had been delayed. This wasn't just because we all were sleeping late, but also because the kitchen staff were up late too.
"Hi Darling," I said, as Helen's eyes fluttered open.
"Hi," she said, and then winced as she moved.
"Are you okay?" I asked concerned. She was okay when we went to bed. "I didn't hurt you, did I?"
"Last night was wonderful. I just feel a bit sore and itchy. How late is it?"
"Nine," I said, after consulting my PDA. A light breakfast of cereals was available until ten.
"Then let's shower and meet the world."
By the time we got to breakfast it was nearly ten. We were walking through the entrance hall when we bumped into Rachel and Dr Sue. Dr Sue looked like she was wearing what she was yesterday.
"Hi," Helen and I said together.
"I didn't know you worked Sundays?" I asked Dr Sue as we got closer. "Is someone ill?"
"It was just so late last night that I stopped. Helen, are you oaky?"
"A bit tired. Why?"
"You have some red blotches on your face."
"They weren't there earlier," I mentioned.
"They look like an allergic reaction," said Dr Sue taking a closer look. "Let's get you to the hospital wing and get you checked up. The tests I did after Stacy's latex reaction didn't show you were allergic to anything common."
Helen and I looked at each other helplessly. Going to the hospital wasn't really on our plans. We wanted to have breakfast and relax in each other's company. The weather was starting to warm up a bit, and by early afternoon there was a chance we might have been able to lie out on the back lawn.
We followed Dr Sue to the school hospital. It wasn't long before the Robert, the nurse on duty, was guiding Helen to a bay. Her face didn't seem any worse, which I hoped was a good thing. Though it wasn't looking much better either.
"Is she going to be okay?" I asked, calmly. Inside I was worried and upset at seeing Helen like this, but I knew that if I got upset it wouldn't help.
"Helen is in the right place. Let's listen to see what the doctor has to say."
"Your blood pressure is normal," said Dr Sue to Helen.
Dr Sue spoke quietly to Robert, and he disappeared. She produced a small torch and a spatula from a bedside cabinet and asked Helen to open wide and say "Ahh".
Helen complied. "Good, you don't seem to have any swelling there. Have you had any trouble breathing?"
"No."
Robert appeared with a machine on a trolley. "Okay, Robert here is going to put you onto this monitor so we can see observe your heartbeat and blood pressure. We are also going to set up an intravenous line just in case you do get worse and we need to give you so antihistamine medication."
"It's that bad?" Helen asked.
"No, I'm taking a lot of precautions. If something does go wrong, I want to be ready."
One of the other nurses, Pauline, popped her head around the curtain. "Rachel, do you have a moment?"
Rachel muttered something under hear breath and disappeared. Robert was quickly done, and the monitor was soon doing its job.
"Thanks," smiled Dr Sue to Robert. "Is this the machine that can be relayed to reception?"
"Of course."
"So, what's going to happen?" I asked.
"We need to monitor Helen until we know she is okay."
"Thank goodness this didn't happen yesterday," commented Helen.
"We also need to try and find out what caused this reaction. Can you tell me if you've eaten anything unusual in the last day?"
"Nothing unusual. The kitchen should be able to tell you what I'd eaten."
"Did you feel unwell before I saw you?" the good doctor asked.
"Not really."
"You said you felt sore earlier," I chimed in.
"Well, that was probably because-" Helen suddenly stopped as Rachel came back in.
"Yes?" Dr Sue prompted Helen.
I knew why Helen went quiet. She didn't mind talking with Dr Sue about what we did, but there was no way she was going to mention that in front of Rachel. Dr Sue probably knew, and the blushing of Helen was just an unneeded clue.
"Dr Ruiz and David," said Dr Sue very formally. Rachel looked a bit surprised at the formality. "Would it be possible for you to both to wait in the hospital reception for a few minutes? I think this conversation would go a lot smoother as a one-to-one. David, I know you would normally be here, but don't you think you should notify your friends where you are?"
"That's never happened before," said Rachel, as we walked towards reception. Camped there was Stacy and Andy. "They were the reason I got called away. They were asking about Helen and if they could see her."
"Dr Sue kicked us all out so she could have a private word with Helen," I explained, taking a seat next to Stacy. "Helen has had an allergic reaction to something. Dr Sue was worried enough to get her down here, but it seems not worried enough to take her to go to A&E."
Rachel shook her head. "We brought Helen down here to assess her and keep her stable. If she got worse, we would have been calling an ambulance. If she was here, we could give her adrenaline and a few other items to keep her stable. My official role here is as a school representative. I can give permission if any medical intervention is needed. I'm here unofficially because I care and want to see she is okay."
"So, will she be okay?" Andy asked, not sounding his usual confident self. I smiled a bit at the almost duplicate question which I asked.
"Her vitals look good," said Rachel carefully. "However, the blotches on her face did show she has had a bad reaction to something. It wasn't as bad as Stacy was with latex, but it is something that we need to find the cause, so she doesn't suffer again."
"Thank you both for yesterday," I said to Stacy and Andy. "You both helped make the day perfect."
"We enjoyed it too," smiled Andy. "Talking of yesterday, I'm beginning to think that Jill is more trouble than I am."
"She wasn't trouble," laughed Stacy. "And I didn't hear anybody complain!"
"David," called Dr Sue from the other end of reception. "You can come in now."
As I got up, I said to Andy and Stacy, "Are you two coming too?"
"Are you sure?" said Andy, slightly surprised.
"Helen may be embarrassed at first, but I know she will be pleased to see you."
They got up and started to make their way across the room. Dr Sue looked confused and rushed across. "Sorry, just David at the moment. Just partners. Visitors possibly in a bit."
"But-" I started.
Andy interrupted. "Go ahead David. We'll wait."
"Will you or Stacy let year-one know?"
Stacy agreed to do so, and I followed Dr Sue back to Helen. "How is she doing?" I asked as we went.
"She's stable."
I walked through the gap in the curtains and saw that Helen was in a hospital gown. I rushed across to her, "Are you okay?"
"I feel fine," she said, as we embraced.
"Andy and Stacy are here," I mentioned. "Though Dr Sue said they couldn't come in."
"But-" she stopped, not knowing what to say.
"That's about as far as I got," I added.
I mean what could I say? The relationship wasn't traditional and in some ways it might have been regarding as very close friends. Nothing had ever happened, well more than an odd kiss on the cheek. However, we all knew how we felt but we all seemed to be following Stacy's ruling that nothing can happen.
"They are very close friends," I tried to explain; knowing Dr Sue kept stuff to herself.
"More than that," butted in Helen.
"Yeah, a very strong emotional attachment," I agreed. "Though nothing physical. There is a technical word for it, but I can't remember what it is."
"If it was this important, then surely you would have remembered," said Dr Sue pointedly.
"It's a label and I hate labels. All I can remember it was sort of two words merged together and one came from Latin. Rachel probably will be able to tell you."
"Okay, I'll have a chat with Rachel in a minute. First though, I want to give you an update. Helen, you are stable and whatever allergen affected you seems to be dissipating. You had an allergy test before and nothing showed up, but that is only for general items such as dust mites, peanuts, latex, chlorine etc. I need to ring a colleague to discuss the symptoms as this is something unusual. Now I did hear him mention a strange case that sounded similar, so let's see what comes out of that."
"How long will I be in here?" Helen asked.
"Let's see how you go the rest of today and what I can find out. Why don't we make an assessment at five? Any other questions?"
Helen and I exchanged looks, neither of us had anything to ask so we replied not.
"Okay, so try and relax. I'll have a word with Rachel and see what she says about those two."
When Dr Sue disappeared, I asked Helen, "Did you tell her what we did last night and this morning?"
"Yes, she mentioned that we were too young for that and reminded me of the law. But she wasn't judgemental about it and wouldn't be telling the school. She checked me out down there when I said I was sore. Thank goodness she got Pauline to chaperone rather than Robert. Anyway, I'm very red down there, but she can't tell if that is because of what we did, or because of the allergy."
"Sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."
"You didn't. I think it was the perfect time to do it and I wouldn't have wanted it to be with anybody but you."
I leaned across and gave her a gentle hug. "I love you so much."
"I love you too," she happily responded.
"Knock, knock," came Andy's voice. I looked up, but the curtains were still shut.
"Come in you silly thing," Helen responded. "And I hope you've brought Stacy with you."
"I'm here," said Stacy coming in with Andy. Both had brought a chair with them. They took up position at the opposite side of the bed and Helen filled them in with the findings.
"I let your year know that you wouldn't be around for a while," said Stacy. "They were all concerned that you were in hospital and were all about to come down until I explained that tests were being run. I said I would try and find out more information, which is why Andy and I are here. Mr Hobson will make a proper announcement at lunch, so the rest of the school knows."
Strange though it was, but the next few hours zoomed by, and it turned into a day to remember. This was really one of the first times that the four of us had been so close together and just chilled. There was no talk about lessons, no talk about beta stuff, just us talking about anything and everything.
It was coming up to lunchtime when Rachel reappeared. We'd had a few visits from Pauline, but other than that we'd been left to ourselves.
"Sorry to disturb you," announced Rachel coming in. "I'd like to remind you that it's coming up to lunch."
"I thought lunch was delayed today?" I enquired.
"It is. It is quarter to one now. The late lunch will be staring in fifteen minutes."
"Wow, where's the time gone?" said Andy to nobody in particular.
"Can I stay here?" I asked hopefully. I really didn't want to leave Helen's side.
"Yes," smiled Rachel. "I'll make sure that the staff bring something down for you as well as Helen." Rachel turned to face Stacy and Andy and gave them an inquiring look.
"We better get going," said Stacy, standing up.
A look of sadness momentarily flickered across Andy's face, before he nodded in agreement.
"I'll see you at lunch then," said Rachel who disappeared, leaving the four of us alone again.
"Will you be back later?" Helen asked.
"We'll see," said Stacy carefully.
"I know, you don't want to give the wrong impression," I muttered slightly bitterly.
"No, it's not that," Stacy responded sounding slightly hurt. "We don't know if Dr Sue will allow us."
Helen smiled and said she understood. She got a small kiss on her cheek from the two of them before they went to have lunch.
Two meals appeared, which Helen and I quickly devoured. Whatever allergic reaction Helen had hadn't diminished her appetite. It was a bit after our trays were removed that Dr Sue appeared.
"How are you feeling?"
"I'm feeling a bit better," Helen replied.
"That's good." murmured Dr Sue whilst she checked Helen's chart.
"Did you find out what's wrong with me?"
"My colleague was able to give me the information regarding the historic case. It was quite enlightening. I'm not sure yet if it's the same problem, but a test will help. I will need David's help to set it up and will mean he will be away from you for a little while."
"Am I allowed visitors?"
"Not yet. I want to see how this test goes. Stacy and Andy are allowed and should be here in a few minutes."
"Thank you," Helen said. "It will be nice to have company while David is helping you." She paused and then asked, "What do you need David for?"
"I need some samples to set up an allergy test. It might be a bit hard, so I'm not sure how long he will be away."
"David, once Stacy and Andy are here, can you come and see me."
She disappeared and it was again just the two of us.
"Are you really feeling better?"
"I didn't feel that ill to start with. Just a bit sore. I'm sure I looked worse than I was."
From what Rachel had said earlier, I wasn't convinced, but I didn't want to say anything to Helen. She might not have felt too ill, but from what Rachel had said it could have been bad.
Andy and Stacy weren't long before they made an appearance and I left them all to find out what Dr Sue had planned for me. I found her in reception where she escorted me to the small room she used as a temporary office when there was someone in the hospital that she was keeping an eye on.
"I won't beat about the bush," Dr Sue started after I sat down. "Helen has had a bad reaction and a potential cause I want to test for is in relationship to you two having sex."
"You can't be allergic to sex, can you?"
"The symptoms that Helen have are like a case a colleague treated. So, I think is a good place to start. Helen said you didn't use a condom. Can you confirm that?"
"No. I didn't know they were available. I thought sex was forbidden at this school."
"It is and we will talk about that later. However, it is understood that even though it is banned it might happen. One of the hardest things for any child to cope with is becoming a parent too early. Since it is possible for Helen to get pregnant by accident, she is on birth control. That isn't to encourage sex, but to stop any unwanted consequences. Likewise, there is a supply of condoms available. Since any pupil using condoms wouldn't want the school aware of it, there is a secure disposal facility. I will explain this to you and Helen later, or if it is too embarrassing you could ask Andy or Stacy."
I blushed. It was more at the mention of Andy and Stacy rather than the talk of sex.
"Are you okay about Andy and Stacy being with Helen?" I asked.
"Let me show you something." Dr Sue punched a few things on her PDA and pushed it across towards me. "That is Helen's heartbeat. As you can see when you were all talking this morning it was a lot lower than when she was being seen to earlier. She was distracted from worrying about what was going on by the three of you."
"Is that it?"
"No, I have a lot more graphs but I'm sure that you'd rather find out what is wrong with Helen rather than discussing biology."
"Yes," I said eagerly. "What do I need to do?"
"There are two parts to these tests. One to make sure that neither of you have any other conditions; for that I'm going to need to take some blood and urine samples like I took from Helen this morning. The second part is to see if Helen has a conditional called Human Seminal Plasma Hypersensitivity."
"Are you saying she might be allergic to my sperm?" I shrieked. I couldn't believe this. I'd only just got capable of being able to be intimate and now she had an issue? I think somebody was trying to tell me something.
"No, not your sperm. You missed the word Plasma. That is the fluid that the sperm swims in. If that is the problem, then there is a way to desensitise Helen. I just need a sample from you."
I nodded.
"Okay, if you can roll up your sleeve then I will take the blood."
I turned away as she found a vein. I hated injections, but it wasn't long before I was being told that it was all done. I turned to look and saw that there was a small swap of cotton wool affixed to my arm by some surgical tape.
"Do I get a lollipop for being so brave?" I joked.
Poor Dr Sue must have thought I was being serious as she got a look that was a mixture of shock and worry. I laughed and told her I was just teasing.
"No, you are right in some ways. I keep forgetting that you are still a child. I had to get permission for the tests from Rachel after all."
"Does she know about the hypersensitivity thing?" I started to panic, wondering what the punishment might be.
"No, just we need to rule out several things. I'm sure she is wondering, but she knows I won't break patient confidentiality."
"Not even in the middle of the night?" I blurted out. I instantly regretted saying it. I gave myself a mental slap, knowing I would have got a real one from Helen if she'd been here.
Dr Sue gave me a stare and I blushed. "Sorry. I shouldn't fish."
"No, you shouldn't, but that isn't what upset me. I always keep my patient's confidentiality and I would appreciate it if you didn't spread rumours."
"I wouldn't. I just wanted to see if what I thought I'd seen this morning was true."
Dr Sue put two containers on the desk. One was a smallish one, and the other was slightly larger. Each had a plastic bag with them.
"This one is for urine." Dr Sue pointed to the small container. "Please make sure that the lid is secure before putting it in the clear bag. The other container is for your sample. Once you have managed to do that, secure the lid and put it into the yellow bag." I took the yellow bag and saw it hid what was in it.
"What type of sample?" I asked naïvely. I had no idea what she was talking about.
"Sorry, I need a sperm sample."
I sat there and stared towards Dr Sue, but she wasn't my focus. Doing something like that had never crossed my mind. It was like having sex without someone I loved. Pure selfish pleasure. I shuddered. Yet it was needed to help Helen. I'd seen how much pleasure she had last night, and this morning and I wanted to be able to always make her happy. A tiny tear leaked from my right eye and slowly made its way downwards.
"David, are you okay?" Dr Sue asked.
There was concern in her voice and I hoped that she hadn't seen the tear. I didn't want to wipe it away, worried that she might have seen it. "I've never done anything like that before."
"I see. Do you not know what to do, or is there a bigger issue?"
"Oh, I've read enough books and seen enough films to know what to do. It's just –" I trailed off, not knowing what to say.
"Why don't you go and do the urine sample," suggested Dr Sue. "We'll leave the other test."
I transferred my gaze to the container that was still sat on Dr Sue's desk. I didn't see the container though, but Helen's skin full of blotches. I remembered Dr Sue ordering some antihistamines just in case Helen got worse and Rachel saying that it was the best place to try to stabilise Helen if they needed to get her to the hospital. Could I be that much of a danger to Helen?
Wordlessly I picked up the two containers and went towards the toilets. When I eventually came out, Dr Sue was at reception. I handed over the two bags. She handed the clear one to Robert who said that he would get it sent off. Dr Sue took the yellow one and told me to follow her. I didn't. I'd spied a red plastic waste bin and made a mad rush for it and threw up.
"I suppose I'll sort that out," said Pauline, getting up.
"Sorry."
"You aren't the first person to be sick in here and you certainly won't be the last. At least you did it in something rather than all over the floor or the bedding! Now go catch up with the doctor."
I found Dr Sue in another room. It was a mini lab where some tests could be done immediately. This school never ceased to amaze me.
"Can you close the door," Dr Sue said, the sample was on the side and a countdown timer was gradually ticking down.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"Waiting. As always, waiting is the worst hardest thing, but in this case the wait is needed for things to become liquid. We then do a bit a few other things to prepare the skin test for Helen."
"It isn't dangerous for her, is it?"
"It shouldn't be. This is going to be a very small sample that we will put on her arm. If she's allergic, she will get a small reaction that is localised there."
"So why did you call me in here instead of letting me go and see Helen?"
"Before you went to do the samples, you were very upset. When you came back didn’t just look ill. you were sick. Seeing you like that would only upset Helen. I wanted to give you time to recover a bit."
"If Helen is allergic to me, would she also be allergic to Andy?"
Dr Sue looked surprised, but quickly answered, "Is that likely to be an issue?"
"Not while we are at school. Afterwards, who knows? Though isn't it best to know?"
"Let's see how your test goes. It is pointless testing Andy if Helen doesn't react badly to this test." She paused. "Can I ask you a personal question, not quite related to the medical question at hand?"
"Sure."
"How does the relationship with Andy and Stacy impact yesterday's commitment ceremony?"
"It doesn't. We made a commitment to each other. Hopefully, we will love each other for the rest of our lives. Part of that commitment was being fully open with each other. None of us planned how we felt about, as Rachel calls them, our cross-partner feelings. One thing we learnt early on at school is we had to be honest with our study partner. Earlier this year, after some issues, we also learnt that it includes others that are in extended relationships."
"The time about your birthday when you seemed a bit angry?"
"That's it. Rachel made us talk about things between us. We all learnt a hard lesson then. It also helped that we found out there was a proper term for it."
"I'd heard of the term, but it took talking with Rachel this morning to understand properly. It takes a lot to buck the trend."
"But isn't bucking the trend what you did and most of the students at Hayfield? There are a lot of LGBT at this school which isn't the norm."
"That's true. You're looking better, do you want to go back to Helen while I finish off here?"
"Thanks for the chat," I said, getting up. As I got to the door I added, "You and Rachel did look good together this morning."
I was gone before I got a response.
Helen's face lit up when I walked through the curtains. "You're back!"
I went across and gave her a hug and a kiss. As I pulled back, she looked at me oddly. "You've been sick."
"Yes," I responded. "I have. Though I was glad I got to a waste bin, which Pauline offered to clean up."
"What were you doing?"
"Helping create a test to see test one of Dr Sue's theories on your allergic reaction. I also had to give some blood and urine to make sure I was clear of other issues."
Helen didn’t mention me having been sick again, which was good as I didn't really want to explain what I'd had to do. If the test came back positive, I'm sure Andy will find out soon enough.
"So, what did I interrupt?"
"Nothing much, a bit of talking shop. About what happens when year five leave."
"Is there a big ceremony?"
"I wouldn't say big, after all there are only eight of us. There is a bit of a show of what we've achieved and some embarrassing photos. Finally, after handing over head student there is a big party."
"Big?"
"Yes, one where there is far too much food," added Andy. Last night Andy referred to the buffet as just the right amount of food, and there were tonnes of it. If Andy thinks there is far too much food, how much are they going to provide and how long does it last?
I didn't get chance to ask anymore as Dr Sue appeared along with Rachel.
"Why does it always go quiet when I appear?" Dr Sue asked
"Because we're respectful and want to listen to what you say?" replied Stacy.
"Hey, I like the sound of that," laughed Dr Sue. "Okay, I have the items for a skin prick test. One is a control and the other is what David helped me cook up. According to the notes the test should be left for twenty minutes. If at any time you feel unwell then please say. Do you have any questions?"
"No," replied Helen.
"Are you okay for me to give you the test?"
"Yes," Helen replied.
Dr Sue looked across at Rachel who nodded, and Dr Sue set the test going.
The twenty minutes seemed to drag, and we all wanted to look at Helen's arm. Dr Sue had left, but Rachel had stayed to keep us company.
After a few minutes of silence, I couldn't get a thought out of my head and decided now was as good a time as any to ask. "Rachel, can I ask a difficult question? Well, I think it's difficult, but it really depends."
"Difficult for you or me?" she responded.
"You, I think. I know you have multiple roles at the school. A psychiatrist, a guardian and a sort of representative to the school. Isn't a psychiatrist supposed to keep things confidential? Yet how does that relate to what you have to do school wise for the other roles."
"I think I understand where you are coming from. I suppose part of this comes down to trust. Can I be trusted to be told something and not get you into trouble?"
"That day, you were like the high inquisitor, dishing out the punishments," said Helen, rather more forcefully than she normally was.
"Do you think this should be talked about without Stacy and Andy?" asked Rachel.
"No," Helen and I said simultaneously.
"We don't have secrets," said Stacy. "Not anymore. It was the only way that made sense. If one of us does something that hurts the other then we talk about it, we try not to let resentment or confusion settle."
"Who came up with that plan?" Rachel asked. All three of them pointed to me. I just blushed.
"Weren't we talking about trust," I said pointedly, trying to get the conversation back on track.
Rachel nodded. "Okay, let me summarise the events as I remember them without interruption and let's see if you agree."
"Okay," Helen and I agreed. Andy and Stacy just kept quiet.
"You came down to breakfast very tired and with silly grins. The way you acted with each other was that you had not just broken the school rules, but potentially the law. It was thought that you had engaged in underage sex. This was not just noticed by the support person at the table but also by Mr Hobson. After breakfast we had a chat, with me as your school representative. You admitted what you had done and hadn't done, and the punishment was set."
"That sounds about right," Helen agreed.
"Okay, now if you'd come to me before breakfast and said you had a problem that when you tried to get intimate that David didn't feel well, then I would have been bound by confidentiality. I would also have advised you not to have silly grins on your faces at breakfast. However, if Mr Hobson seen you beforehand and had twigged what had happened, then if he asked for a meeting, I would have had to recuse myself from acting as your guardian. One of the other support staff would have had to take that position."
"It's a question of hats," said Stacy.
"Perhaps we could help David by getting some hats made up for Rachel. A different title on each hat."
"Don't you dare," said Rachel trying to keep a straight face, but failing. "It's hard enough to carry a PDA around, let alone finding storage for a bunch of hats."
"I'm sure that isn't the correct collective noun," I added.
"Don't scratch," Rachel ordered Helen when she noticed Helen starting to do just that to the test area. "I'll let Dr Sue know."
Stacy, who was seated closest to the hand Helen was scratching with, took her arm and held it so she couldn't scratch. "Sorry, but you will only cause more issues if you do."
"I know, it was just a powerful desire to scratch."
Dr Sue came bustling in with Rachel and immediately went to inspect Helen's arm. "Definitely a reaction. Rachel, will you be kind enough to measure it when the twenty minutes are up, so I can see how it fits into the scale? Helen, this was a very targeted test. I would like to do another test on your other arm to test if this is a wider issue. Is that okay?"
Helen nodded. "I just want to find out what's wrong."
Dr Sue turned to Andy. "David was kind enough to help me earlier, but he found it rather difficult. Would you be willing to help me this time?"
"Sure," he responded.
"If Stacy gives Andy a hand, then it might make things quicker," I suggested.
"They are both over eighteen, so I will leave it up to them," said Rachel.
When Andy and Stacy had gone with Dr Sue, I took over to hold Helen's hand so she wouldn't be able to scratch. "Rachel, can I trust you to keep something confidential?"
"As long as you aren't going to endanger yourselves or others then yes."
I looked across at Helen who looked slightly panicked, but she nodded.
"Don't be upset with Dr Sue. She is trying her best to help Helen, but she knows that if you aren't told in the right way that Helen would have been in trouble. If Helen didn't feel that she could have trusted Dr Sue, she wouldn't be getting the help she needs. That is why Dr Sue sent you out of the room this morning, so that Helen would be open."
"What were you able to tell Dr Sue that you weren't able to tell me?"
"The only thing different was that we'd had sex," said Helen. "And I was sorest down below."
Rachel gave a small sigh and said, "I can understand why you didn't want to say anything in front of me. Especially after what happened before. Has Dr Sue mentioned how wrong you both were doing what you did?"
"She mentioned that not only were we breaking the school rules, but we were breaking the law."
"And she is right, but I will save my lecture for another day. It appears that Dr Sue has an idea of what the cause is, by the fact she has managed to get an allergy test run that has shown positive. So, we wait and see what she says when the next test is run."
Stacy re-appeared and without saying a word came up to me and gave me a big cuddle. "You must really love her to do what you did."
Helen looked really confused, but all Stacy would add was that Dr Sue would explain everything after this test had been run.
"Where's Andy?"
"I helped him with the initial work needed, but he made a total mess so went to get changed. Dr Sue is processing things now."
"Now you've explained what's going on, I'm going to see if I can help the doctor. Hopefully, she can fill me in a bit on her theory and what can be done to help."
Andy was a bit longer than we expected, but when he did reappear, he was looking all cleaned up and came with a bowl of green grapes.
"Food?" Stacy enquired. "I though you would have had enough after lunch."
"It's not for me, but for Helen. Anyway, grapes are healthy."
"Ah, that’s really kind," Helen smiled. "Though it looks an awful lot for just me."
"Aren't there a few missing?" I said, pointing to the empty area.
"Blame Pauline and Robert. It was payment to let me in with them."
We all had a big laugh at that one.
Dr Sue appeared around half an hour later. She had the same testing equipment that she used for the previous test. "Now we have a problem. You are all sitting near the arm that I need to test. However, before you move, let me have a good look at your other arm."
After inspecting Helen's arm, Andy and Stacy moved to the other side and I moved back to give room for the test to be done. We could then all stop Helen from scratching if it became bad.
The test came back positive.
"What now?" sighed Helen. "What am I allergic to?"
"I'll explain in a few minutes," said Dr Sue. "First thing that is important; you aren't going to die today. So, let's get you unhooked from the monitor, and you can get dressed. We will then chat about what you are allergic to and what can be done. We'll have this chat in Dr Ruiz room."
"Sounds good," said Helen, trying to get out of bed before Dr Sue had removed the monitor pads. We all left her to get dressed in peace and wandered across to the hospital wing reception. Andy took care of making sure the bowl of grapes was finished before rushing upstairs to take it back to the kitchen. He would meet us in Rachel's office.
It didn't take Helen long before came into reception, wearing the clothes she'd worn this morning. Her badge of commitment proudly on display. She didn't come straight across, but instead went to thank Robert and Pauline for their help. They smiled and said that she was a model guest, but not to visit too often.
"Am I allergic to sex?" Helen asked, as we went to Rachel's office.
"Not quite." I explained what she was allergic to.
"And the second test?"
"Andy," replied Stacy.
I thought she would have been upset, but Stacy seemed to be quite accepting of that test.
"But why?"
"You won't be having sex with him this year, but can you say the same of five or ten years? Isn't it best to find out now as the tests are being run, rather than at the time?"
"You're just like David, always thinking to the future and planning," said Helen soberly.
"Of course. It was David who suggested the second test. That is just one of the characteristics of why David will be Beta One next year. He needs to perfect his forward thinking, but he is getting there."
We didn't say any more about it until we were in Rachel's office. Andy was there already. Dr Sue outlined the problem and Helen managed to pull off looking surprised.
"Can anything be done?" asked Helen. "Is there a cure?"
"Two things are possible. The first is any partner you have sex with should use a condom. Not overly exciting, but it should stop you getting ill. The second, if they are a long-term partner then you can be desensitised to him."
"How?"
"A series of weak injections that slowly gets your body used to him. However, to stay tolerant they have to have sex every few days."
"What?!"
"This is the first time that I've ever heard of prescribing sex let alone doing it," said Dr Sue. "However, it is only possible once you have been desensitised. Also, the literature isn't very clear about the regime if you have two partners. It is an unusual problem to have, and it seems the people who have been diagnosed are all in a monogamous relationship."
"Once you do leave the school, if you do get condom's, make sure they are latex free. You don't want anything latex in or around Stacy," advised Rachel.
Helen looked like she was going to ask a question, but Rachel continued. "Nothing can be done yet. Where possible, the school ignores sex they know does happen. They can't turn a blind eye when they make it obvious, like you did a few months ago. They also find it hard to turn a blind eye to give authorisation for medical treatment which only allows sex to happen. Remember sex isn't just against the school rules, at your age it is illegal."
It wasn't what Helen, nor I, wanted to hear, but it was the truth. We walked out of the Rachel's office knowing that things were going to be harder, but then when was anything that was worth something easy? It was just something else we would have to work on.
"Thank you for being here with me today," said Helen to Andy and Stacy. She gave them both a kiss on their cheeks.
"Our pleasure," said Andy and Stacy together before wandering off, hand in hand.
"Why don't we nip to our room and grab a rug. We planned to lay down out back this afternoon, and I think there is still time."
"Sounds good to me," agreed Helen.
We rushed to our bedrooms. We each had a rug so we could spread out as we desired, or if someone in our year spotted us, they could join us without having to get their own. When we got to our room, I spied a printed note on my desk. 'Check bedside table'.
Intrigued, I did as the note instructed. There was nothing unusual in the top draw. However, in the middle draw was a big box. I opened it and saw it was full of condoms, the box was marked latex free. I heard a squeal from next door and presumed Helen had a similar gift.
Grabbing my rug, I yelled, "Are you ready?"
A New Style of Education - Year Five
by Karen Page
picture created using DALL-E
A New Style of Education - Year Five
by Karen Page
Prologue and Part 1
picture created using DALL-E
Tuesday 20th October 2009
"You do know that Robert's death wasn't really suicide," quietly murmured Paul Ingles to George Green. They were discreetly chatting on one of the House of Commons member lounges where they knew they couldn't be overheard. They had been discussing the way the expenses system had been changed and lamenting how things weren't going to be as cushy as they used to be. This was the second week back from summer recess and they were just getting their feet back under the table.
"You what?!" George exclaimed. In his surprise he raised his voice slightly and others turned to look.
"I thought I'd been discrete with my enquiries, but I had someone ring me earlier and threatened me unless I stopped 'Poking my nose where it wasn't wanted'."
"You need to go to the police," George urged. He couldn't believe that anybody would threaten his colleague and friend.
"They threatened my wife and children if I did that. If anything happens, make sure my family is looked after. Look, I know you have a lot of contacts and know who you can trust." With a slightly raised voice, so if anybody was listening it would just appear to be normal chatter Paul continued, "My PPS got the information you need for tomorrow's debate."
Paul carefully removed a folder out of his briefcase and handed it across the table. As George took it, a USB flash drive fell from the folder into his lap. "Thanks," responded George. "I'll make sure I look at it before tomorrow."
* * *
George Green was getting himself ready for the day, with The Today program discreetly on in the background. It had been a long night of reviewing documents and collating questions. His day would be taken up with putting things together. The public only saw the times he was in the chamber or in committees, but all that he did took planning. You couldn't ask pointed questions if you didn't know what you were talking about. And topics might range from internet security, to finances, to health. An MP needed to have a grasp on a range of subjects and most importantly know how to persuade. All without making a mistake an appearing silly.
"The news headlines at eight o'clock. Paul Ingles, Member of Parliament for Harrow East died last night when his car left the road. The Prime Minister-"
George didn't hear the rest. His thoughts about today's work evaporated. He snapped off the radio and started looking for information on the news websites. What he quickly discovered was that there wasn't much about the incident, but what was clear was that everyone thought it was an accident. After the conversation yesterday evening, George wasn't so sure.
After several calls he managed to get hold of the officer in charge for the investigation. "What can I do for you, Mr Green?"
"I was a colleague of Mr Ingles. I was trying to find out more details about last night's accident."
After verifying George's identity, he was told, "His car left the road and hit a tree. Nobody else was injured, but Mr Ingles died instantly."
"Was there any CCTV footage?" George enquired.
"Unfortunately, not. We normally have coverage in that area, but they had a power failure in the control room, so nothing was recording. The area was quiet and there were no other witnesses to what happened."
"Okay, thank you for your time. I'm just glad nobody else was hurt."
"No problems, Mr Green. If there is any other way I can help, you have my number."
George sighed. It was at times like this that he missed his wife. She always was level-headed and would be a great person to discuss problems. However, he didn't feel it would be a good idea to telephone her at their house in Cumbria. If Paul's death was deliberate, then he had no idea if his phone was safe. The last thing he wanted was to put his family at risk.
"I'm getting paranoid," he laughed to himself.
That afternoon, he was involved in a meeting of the Intelligence and Security Committee. It was during their grilling of Mavis Brown that a plan began to form. He'd remembered reading a report how she'd been given data regarding the spread of nuclear technology into Iran. She'd denied knowing the source, though from the way she phrased certain things it sounded like she had a very strong suspicion. That work had got her promotion and now was senior enough to give reports to this committee.
It wasn't until after the meeting, did they have chance for a private chat. One of the good things about this meeting was it was behind closed doors and the chat after was expected.
After making sure nobody else was within earshot George asked Mavis, "Remember your source for the Iran nuclear issue?"
"I never categorically found out who it was," she smoothly responded.
"Of course. Would you say from the dealings with them that they are trustworthy?"
Mavis gave a small smile, but her eyes didn't twinkle. She stayed focused on George. "From the little I do know; I think their aims aren't detrimental to our national interest. The information I did get was not just highly accurate, but also very detailed."
"I suppose you didn't go looking who they were, so you could maintain contact which might help further your career further."
"Attempts were made very early on to ascertain information, but our attempts were spotted. I was relieved we still got information from them after that. It might compromise a valuable source if more extreme measures were employed."
Mavis sneezed, and George took that opportunity. He'd been unsure how to discreetly give her the information and wasn't going to miss that opportunity. "Bless you," he said, reaching into his pocket and removing a cotton handkerchief, fumbling slightly to make sure it contained the USB drive.
As Mavis took it, she felt the contents. "Do you mind if I keep this? I seem to have run out of tissues."
"I can't have someone not having something to catch a sneeze into. There is enough Swine Flu going around as it is."
With MI6's office only along the river, it wasn't a long walk, but she didn't take a direct route. Instead, she crossed the river at Westminster Bridge where there were plenty of places that sold handsets. A cheap phone was all she needed to send a message. It was then lost into The Thames. This, she thought, was a good opportunity to find out more about this group and who was in charge.
Part 1
David's phone pinged, indicating a calendar change for an imminent appointment. His quick glance showed that the headmaster, Mr Hobson, had added a meeting. What he thought strange was the meeting didn't have Helen. Since they were joint head pupils, meetings with Mr Hobson normally involved them both.
"Sorry about that," David said to his instrument mentor.
"Is it anything that needs dealing with now?"
"No."
"Excellent. Then shall we try that section again."
After David had passed his grade eight French Horn exam, he'd thought that would be the end of his instrument lessons. How wrong he'd been. His old teacher couldn't push him further, so a mentor had been commissioned to help polish his playing and technique. This he found harder work than his initial learning. The mentor expected more.
Once the lesson had completed, David saw his tutor out and went straight to see Mr Hobson.
"Ah, David come on in and shut the door."
Joining Mr Hobson on the settee, David waited for him to make the first move. He didn't have to wait long.
"Mavis Brown contacted the school earlier asking when we were going to hold our concert here. The most logical reason we can think of is that she has some information for us. How are the Beta team doing?"
"We'll be ready. By subtly training Tina and Luke since they joined, they are at a much better level than Helen and I was when we joined. However, without knowing specifics it will be difficult to know how any of us would react if the unfortunate happened again."
"Indeed. I don't think anybody would want a repeat of what happened four years ago. I will start everything for a concert on 11th of November. I think Armistice Day would be worthy of a grand concert."
"It's a shame we don't have the Americans here, or we would be able to do a requiem."
Mr Hobson chuckled. "I'm sure Lewis, Zoe and Mrs Russell will come up with something appropriate."
The mention of Zoe brought a smile to David's lips. She was a year one student who was learning to be a conductor to take over Lewis when he left. Zoe had been part of the first intake when the school expanded last year. There had been much talk if the years should be renumbered with the final year being year six, or if the extra year should be called year zero. In the end, the name year zero was chosen. It had been a hectic time with twenty people joining the school all on the same day and Mr Hobson had vowed that if the school ever expanded like that again they would take in the extra year a week later.
Because of their age, most year zero students weren't ready to join the orchestra, but a year of training got them to a better standard than when the first intake was year one. This year, three of the new students hadn't played an instrument, but they had all taken to them like ducks to water.
The chat between David and Mr Hobson finished just before lunch, so there wasn't a chance for David to update his partner, Helen and he knew that he probably wouldn't get a chance until they went to bed.
As David had predicted, he didn't get chance to discuss his meeting with Mr Hobson until they were alone. When Helen slid into their bed, she at last broached the subject. "Can you tell me about the meeting with Mr Hobson?"
"There's not much to say. Mavis Brown contacted the school to see if there was a concert. Mr Hobson feels she wants to discreetly talk with us, so is going to arrange a concert for Armistice Day."
"Ah, so that's why Lewis wasn't around much today. I hope things go better than they did when we last crossed swords with Mavis."
"Amen. Mavis hasn't seen me in four years and has only met me as Jayne. Will you be okay with that?" David was glad Helen couldn't see his sly grin. He knew all too well how she felt, even though she had become more restrained over the years.
The bouncing on the bed was enough of an answer, but Helen wasn't one for letting it go. "Of course," she responded. It wasn't as if she didn't see a lot of Jayne anyway, but this was an occasion she hadn't expected. David braced himself for a long night.
* * *
"You might want to tell the year about the concert," said Lewis, having come to see David and Helen before they left for their morning exercise. "One of the pieces requires a singer, and it just happens someone in year-H at The Manor knows it. Obviously, the rumours might reach the year later today."
"Ah, so who is coming?"
"Monica and Carolyn."
"I'm sure Mr Hobson will be telling us in our morning meeting. Though let us check now," said Helen, grabbing her phone, and dialled Mr Hobson. She put the phone on speaker so they could all hear the response. "Sorry to disturb you, Sir. I am here with David and Lewis. Can you tell me when Monica and Carolyn are arriving?"
"They left last night their time but weren't able to get on a direct flight. They will change in New York and will land at Heathrow just past 8pm tonight. I'll be making an announcement at breakfast regarding the concert. It was one of the items that I was going to mention in our pre-breakfast meeting."
"Sorry for jumping the gun, then. We'll see you soon."
Helen hung up. "As long as nobody at Immigration Manor has spilt the beans, then we should be okay not to mention it before Mr Hobson does at breakfast. I take it you or Brian won't say anything?"
"Brian is aware of the concert, but not about Monica and Carolyn. I won't say anything."
"Excellent. How is the concert planning going?"
"We've never put anything together so quickly. At times like this I sure miss Dan and Renee with their planning skills. Since we've only twenty days there will be some extra practices. Most of the pieces aren't too difficult, but the last one is going to need practice for us to portray it well. Year five played with a choir, and this is a solo singer."
"Okay, thanks for the update. Keep one of us informed if any problems arise."
The only thing the meeting with Mr Hobson added was due to them both being seventeen then they would be accompanied. The fact the school was part of something bigger had been kept a secret, and Mr Hobson was pleased that even the year leaders in year four didn't know there was a sister school.
When all the other year heads left, David and Helen hung back.
"Did you arrange for someone to get them, or could I go?" Helen asked.
"I think a student going would be perfect. However, by the time they get through the airport it is going to be in the eleven before you get back here. After David's news, did you get enough sleep last night?"
"If I have a nap this afternoon, would that make you happier?" Helen answered, not wanting to admit that Mr Hobson knew them too well.
"If you have slept enough, then I'll agree. Come to see me after you've got up. Take your nap just after lunch, as I will be announcing an extra orchestra practice for this afternoon."
At breakfast, Mr Hobson made the announcement for the special concert and the two pupils flying in from the sister school. As predicted, there were many surprised faces on when the sister-school was mentioned. What had happened while the American's had last visited, and just after, was something that year five knew shouldn't be talked about when they knew they'd be asked about the previous visit.
"So, who's coming?" asked Martha, excited at physically seeing some friends she'd not seen face-to-face for years.
"Monica and Carolyn."
As they were finishing breakfast, Rachel, who was sat at the year-five table, asked, "David and Helen, do you mind if you see me after breakfast?"
"Sure," they answered together.
Lessons in year-five weren't anything like they were in previous years. All the formal education that a child normally did before leaving school had been long finished. They'd finished their GCSE's and A-Levels and were now either performing individual study on a topic that interested them or studying a university topic via the Open University. This kept their learning skills tuned ready for any university they wanted to join the following year. One of the biggest lessons was had preparing for living in the world. Cooking had already been covered, but things like washing and ironing were all strange and new.
At three, the orchestra assembled on the stage for the special practice. The players started taking their seats and warming up while Lewis stood at the front chatting with Zoe. Zoe had been spending the last year learning to conduct. During rehearsals she'd always been at the front with Lewis, with him pointing out what he was doing and why. Since the last concert of the previous school year, Zoe had been starting to conduct the orchestra for some of the pieces.
"Listen up," called Lewis loudly from the podium. The chatter from the orchestra ended to hear what was being said.
"We will be playing five pieces. However, only three cover the whole orchestra. Remember, this is a Remembrance Day event, so it's important that we portray that sombre atmosphere. Especially for the last piece. Zoe will be conducting the four pieces before the interval, and I'll be doing the long one."
As Lewis was speaking, the non-players from Year Zero were busy delivering packs of sheet music. As the players received their pack, they started looking through what they were going to play.
"Zoe will be conducting the following. Nimrod, The Banks of Green Willow, Mars from The Planets and Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis. I will be conducting Gorecki Symphony No 3. Our singer doesn't arrive until tonight, so for today you will be in Zoe's hands."
Zoe looked nervous as she approached the podium. Before today, she'd conducted but never instructed. This would be a first for her, and for the orchestra.
"Let's start with the George Butterworth. The Banks of Green Willow. George was a British composer who died in The Battle of the Somme in 1916. He was buried in the trenches and his body was never recovered after the war."
Zoe paused and looked around the silent players and gave a sad smile. "Think what it's like lying on the grass at the back of the school during the summer month. That slightly laid-back feeling of tranquillity. Percussion, trombone and tuba can have a rest."
Zoe looked around and seeing that they were ready started conducting. The sound of a single clarinet broke the silence and after a few tentative bars fell silent. Zoe stopped a few moments later and turned to Lewis for help. He just signalled that she should deal with it.
For a few seconds, she closed her eyes as she mentally prepared to be more forthright and turned back to the orchestra giving a half laugh. "I suppose a warning might have been helpful. The first eight bars are solo clarinet. So, yes Tina, you were playing it correctly. First violins then join in the rest of the strings shortly after. Harp and brass have a bit of a longer wait. Shall we try that again?"
For much of the school, daily practices were a first. Most concerts were known with plenty of time to get prepared. With such a rushed concert, this wasn't the case. At the restart Tina played with a lot more confidence and they managed the first run through of the piece. Zoe then started to go through it, a section at a time, pulling the work to bits and highlighting areas where they weren't playing it how she wanted us to.
It was soon after the evening meal that Helen got ready to go meet Monica and Carolyn from the airport. The Heathrow website had indicated that the flight was expected a few minutes early, which was probably due to the brisk wind that was blowing across the Atlantic.
"Drive safely," David uttered to Helen when they got to the car.
"I will and I'll give you a ring when we're setting off."
Helen grabbed David and pulled him close. "I love you," she murmured just before their lips became locked.
"I love you too," David panted as they eventually broke for air. "I'll keep a light on."
David's heart sank as he watched her go. She would only be away for about six hours, but he would still miss her. They'd lived together for four years, and often did different things in the evening, but they were never far from each other. This wasn't the first time, like when David had to go to Edinburgh, but it didn't make his heart ache any less.
David's brooding wasn't lost on the others, and they pitched in to keep him occupied. Apart from year zero and a few couples in year one, they all knew it meant when their partner was away. During the evening he'd had a game of speed chess, two games of pool, and a rather strange discussion on the thoughts of organic farming with Paula. While Emma preferred much more of the hands on, Paula had got into farm management and finance.
Eventually David found it too much and decided to go for a walk. As he left, he grabbed his coat just in case he went outside. Wandering aimlessly around the halls of the magnificent house he called home; he thought about Helen and their time together.
"Missing Helen", called out Mr Hobson. The headmaster had just come out of Dr Ruiz office and had noticed David slinking down the hall.
"Yes, Sir."
"Understandable," Mr Hobson responded, scratching his chin in thought. "Let's walk."
They ambled slowly down the corridor. "Their love being away is something that some find hard. It isn't wrong. It isn't right. It just is. It happens in lots of jobs where one partner sometimes must travel. It isn't just the worry, is it?"
That wasn't something David had thought about, and after a few moments realised that he was right. "No. I'm just missing her. It's silly really, as we sometimes do different things in the evening or at the weekend. Like her flying lessons. I've never felt like this then. Today, I'm just-" he tailed off, not knowing how to continue.
"I presume you've tried to entertain yourself, but you've kept losing concentration?"
'How did he know?' David thought and with a resigned sigh said, "Yes. Everyone's been really patient with me, but I think they realised my heart wasn't in it."
"What works for some, is doing something to make their time back better. My wife was a consultant, and sometimes had to go to conferences. I used to miss her dearly while she was away and had the same issue."
"I didn't know you were married!" David exclaimed, surprised as he'd never seen Mr Hobson with anybody.
"I'm widowed. She passed many years ago."
Oh no. "I'm sorry."
"I still miss her, but eventually you learn to live with the loss. Anyway, back to missing them when they're away. It wasn't too bad for most of the time, it was the waiting when they were due back. So, what I did was bake a cake. The cakes were awful the first few trips she was away, but I eventually was able to make a decent cake. It was something we both started to look forward to. She got home, and we would sit down and have cake with a cup of tea. The baking took my mind off things.
"Now I'm not suggesting you bake a cake now, or everyone in the school will want some. But it would be good to do something for the guests. I like to check that things are ready. We need to check the bedrooms for Monica and Carolyn have the beds made up, and clothes are ready etc. Also, there is the guest bedroom for the person who is bringing them."
"But won't that already have been done?"
"It should have, but I always like to check. They will have been travelling for nearly fourteen hours. They will probably be tired. We don't want to find the beds haven't been setup when all they want to do is sleep."
David contemplated what Mr Hobson had said and thought back about the previous head students. They would have got involved in something like this. It was making sure other pupils had an interface with the school, and if there was an issue, they had someone other than a teacher to approach. Even though it wasn't something the school would have expected him to do, David felt it was something he should have expected himself to do.
The job of the head student was to set an example and be a contact between the other pupils and the school. But often the head student would take on other roles. Unofficial roles. What perplexed David was that if this wasn't something the school expected, why did Mr Hobson suggest he joined him in checking the rooms?
Inspecting the two rooms for Monica and Carolyn didn't wasn't complex, but there were lots of things to check. Mr Hobson shared a checklist, and they went through it for both pupils one by one. When they were finished, he turned to David and asked, "Was that enough of a distraction?"
David burst into a smile. "Yes, thank you. That stopped me brooding."
"There will be times in life when you are waiting for things to happen, or in this case, people to arrive. Giving yourself a task, especially if it is mundane, can keep you going. We have one more room to check."
They moved down the corridor to another spare room. This surprised David as he thought the person accompanying the two students would stay in the wing where Mr Hobson lived, as well as the three psychiatrists that lived at the school. The room wasn't laid out like the other spare rooms they'd just checked. David stood just inside the door, looking around and drinking it in. There was one person he knew who liked the room setup like this. He turned and gaped at the headmaster, his heartbeat picking up with excitement.
"I'll leave you to make sure everything is correct," said Mr Hobson with a small smile. "Enjoy, but not too much."
"Thank you, Sir."
"It was Mr Moore's idea."
"Still, thank you for the trust. I'll send Mr Moore a thank you note."
A New Style of Education - Year Five
by Karen Page
Part 2
picture created using DALL-E
The official name was the All-School Common Room, but nobody called it that. Even Mr Hobson had resigned himself that the official name would never be used. It was The Lounge. Besides the introduction of Year Zero, The Lounge was the biggest upheaval the school had seen for many years. It was the place to relax in the evening or during the weekend.
The main structure of the room was in keeping with the main design of the building. Yet the furnishings made it feel fresh and modern. Recessed speakers dotted the walls so music could be heard without it needing to be loud. That way conversations could be had, or games played without being disturbed.
The room was littered with seating of all types. Settees that sat two or three. Longer cushioned benches were around the outside, and single seater stools when you might want to take part in a boardgame, such as chess.
At the end was a pool table. Its green baize illuminated by a large overhead lamp. When The Lounge had been unveiled the pupils had been stunned at what was there. The quiet was disturbed by Erika giving a big squeal of delight and was soon after named the Pool Master. The task she gave herself was to make sure that everyone knew how to play.
"David, can I have a quiet word?" Luke asked, when David had put down his book. Luke had been watching for a good time to ask without disturbing one of the head students.
"Sure, shall we go for a walk?" David smiled reassuringly. A quiet word wasn't something unusual, but it was for Luke. He was a good year leader and being in year three had most of the things under control.
They grabbed their coats and went out back to walk along one of the bike tracks that went parallel to the school. They were lit with low level lighting, so the path was visible while on it and cyclists in the winter months knew where to go. Yet there wasn't much light pollution for those who like to gaze at the night sky.
"What's my sister doing back at the school?"
A quick look showed David that Luke was confident in what he said. Lying wasn't an option, as he'd have lost trust. For a fleeting second, he considered trying to deflect the query, but Luke looked so earnest that David knew he wouldn't give up.
"She escorted the two pupils from The Manor. She stopped overnight and was on a morning flight back to America."
There was no answer, but that wasn't because the conversation was over. It had just provoked more thought. David looked on, his heart sinking. He could see that Luke was going to want to know more, and that would lead to answers he wasn't able to give.
"When you played at my old school, I recognised her then, but thought I was going nuts. The hair colour was all wrong. When I joined Hayfield, I was getting a feeling of déjà vu. It took me a while, but I eventually twigged. A lot of the daily life had been described in emails to me. Faces change as they grow from a child to an adult. It wasn't until I saw her today that I knew. She looks like our mum. I knew then that I'd been right all along."
David mused about how much to say and thought perhaps a bit of information would be the end of it.
"It is difficult with siblings. There was someone in my year who had a sister two years older. The Manor visited when we did a concert in Russia. When they went home, Erika and Martha stayed. Sam and Jessica went with the Americans. The one and only school exchange that I'm aware of."
"What is my sisters name, and why didn't she say hi?"
This was it. There was no turning back. Luke had to be told about "The Rule". David was still haunted by the memory of Helen's face when she was told. Luke was two years older than when they had been told. He just hoped it went better.
"First off, have you told your parents that they have a daughter and not a son?"
"No. Rather like I don't tell them about Mix up Mondays. It isn't good to publicise certain things."
"Okay, let me arrange something." Moving a bit away from Luke, David dialled Dr Ruiz. "Hi. Sorry to ring you so late. Can you fit in a chat with Luke and Tina? I think Helen and I should be there too.
"Regarding?"
"Luke saw our guest this morning and is asking questions. I can answer some, but I feel he needs the talk."
Rachel Ruiz sighed. This was a conversation that had to happen at some stage but was one that nobody liked. "Thanks for being my eyes on this. I'll be in my office."
A message to Helen was quickly dispatched and she responded almost instantly saying she would get Tina and meet them there. Another message was sent to Andy explaining what was going to happen. Stacy was still travelling, so he would tell her later.
"And?" Luke enquired, when David went back to him.
"We're going to see Dr Ruiz. Hopefully she will be able to answer the questions you have."
"Why so formal? Everyone calls her Rachel. You normally call her Rachel."
"Because this is a conversation she isn't looking forward to. It is a conversation I'm not looking forward to. And believe me, this is a conversation that you only think you're looking forward to. A bit of distance and detachment helps at times like this."
Luke looked bewildered. "I don't understand."
"I know. Come on, we need to get going. We don't want to keep Helen and Tina waiting."
It didn't take long, as they went in via the car park entrance on the far side. When David and Luke got to Dr Ruiz office, Helen and Tina had just arrived. Tina was sat on the settee, with Helen sat next to Tina's right. Luke quickly sat down next to Tina, and David sat to Luke's left.
Rachel wasn't dressed like she normally did. She was normally quite smartly dressed, but tonight she was in jeans with an old sweater. It was obvious to all there that this was an out of hours call.
"Nice to see your larger settee in full use," said Tina.
Dr Ruiz gave a nod in acknowledgement. "It's good that you can get closer support. I just wish it was never needed. Are you all comfortable, as once I start this discussion, I don't want to stop until it is complete?"
Nobody needed the toilet and the psychiatrist continued. "When you joined the school, you were given a set of school rules. One rule is always omitted from that first day discussion, as it isn't pertinent then and the implications of the rule wouldn't be understood. This isn't a rule the school enforces but one the pupils self-adhere to. It is the most hated school rule, and one that everyone wishes didn't exist."
Luke and Tina exchanged puzzled glances. Helen and David just sat there, waiting for things to be explained.
"Let me outline a scenario. Tina, after you finish school, you go and see your parents. What would their reaction be?"
"They would-" Tina broke off and a few seconds later continued slowly. "Are you talking about a no-contact rule?"
"Oh, of course," added Luke, like the fog had cleared and everything made sense. If it had been a cartoon, a lightbulb would have been flashing above his head. "When we joined the school, our parents weren't told where the school is. If you went home, your parents would know you'd transitioned at school. How soon before it leaked, and the school came under scrutiny. If I saw my family, that wouldn't be fair on you."
There was silence. The two eldest pupils knew not to say anything to disturb Rachels discussion. They were there for comfort only.
Tina eventually broke the silence. In a rather sad voice, she whispered. "I'll miss my sisters, but especially Ashleigh. She understood. She had a boyfriend who everyone mistook for a girl, but he claimed wasn't trans. Even my parents were fooled. I thought they accepted and let my guard down and got caught. My poor sister got banned from seeing him. They thought he was a bad influence."
"It isn't forever," said Dr Ruiz, gently.
David and Helen gaped, looking at Dr Ruiz with surprise.
"It used to be. Over the last few years, experiments took place to see if pupils that had left several years ago could meet back with family without implicating the school. The board of governors discussed the results today and they settled on a four-year minimum gap between leaving school and seeing family. Some ex-pupils might prefer longer if they are concerned. Some might never want to see their family again, though I only know a few cases where that is a possibility."
"What about family who know about the school?" Tina enquired.
"I presume you're thinking about Luke and his sister. That isn't the only family. What about Jill? She doesn't yet know about the experiment or the shortening of the rule. She planned to follow the no-contact rule, even though Julia is a teacher at the school. Year four and five will be told the new rules tomorrow."
"So, I won't be able to see my sister until I've finished for four years?" mused Luke. "I can live with that, but can I have her name so I can write to her properly?"
"This is the quandary. You aren't allowed to see family, but you can see other ex-pupils. At the end of the day, it is up to you. Siblings going through this school are rare. You are the first where the age gap meant your older sibling had left before you joined. As for her name, David do you want to tell Luke?"
"Your sister is called Stacy and her partner is called Andy. She was the Beta One at this school before me. When Stacy heard that Monica and Carolyn were coming here, she volunteered to act as the chaperon for the international leg of the journey."
"Why?"
Helen chirped in, "Besides being a really nice person and wanting to help, she had an ulterior motive. She wanted to see if she could see you without you noticing. She really misses you. She managed to get glimpses of you the last two years, but since they moved to America, she has missed that opportunity."
"How do you know all this?" Tina asked.
As they'd been through the school and became head pupils, they'd tried too always be honest. Sometimes there were times when they had to keep things to themselves, but their philosophy was to be as open as they could be. The truth sometimes hurt, but by being honest others always knew where they stood.
"One of the things we didn't realise at first is the school might have a common thread, but they realised we are individuals with our own needs. You all have your own specialist skills, and you all have your own career development paths. That is obvious. Yet it wasn't until the very end of our first year, and just after year five had left, did we realise how Mr Hobson, and all the support staff, worried about what we each needed.
"Many years ago, two pupils in year-one fell in love with a couple in year-five. This polyamorous relationship was a first for the school, but when the older pupils left the school understood something different needed to be done. Since both couples were in the Beta program, extra training was arranged to bring back the older couple to train the younger one. It made the loss bearable.
"This school takes pupils that weren't succeeding and gives them the tools to excel. They understand we all might need something a bit different and are very flexible in making sure you are the best you can be."
David felt himself starting to well up and didn't want to breakdown in front of the younger pair. He remembered the day Stacy and Andy left and it still broke his heart remembering the pain. Helen saw and continued. "David and I were those year one pupils, heartbroken when Andy and Stacy left."
Luke looked stunned and seemed to be processing the information. Tina wasn't having such issues and asked Rachel, "So why are we being told this now?"
"Because Luke knew about Stacy. He wasn't just thinking about things but asking. You needed to know the truth, and about the no contact rule, before you started jumping to the wrong conclusions. The school tries to wait until late in year three before mentioning it as most times they aren't ready. Today was one of the easier conversations, as you understood the need to keep what happens at the school secret. Is there anything else you want to ask?"
"I take it year four and five know?"
"Yes, but nobody else in year three apart from you two. I'd rather you keep it between yourselves for now. We have a day out planned in the New Year and we will broach the subject with the rest of the year then. Unless you hear someone else starting to think about this, then please let David or Helen know."
"Sorry for interrupting your evening," Luke apologised to Rachel as they all left the office.
"Do you want to know more?" David asked as they ambled down the corridor.
"More on?"
"Your sister."
"Sure," Luke responded, his eyes wide with excitement.
"She's so going to kill you," laughed Helen. Seeing a slight look of panic on Tina's face added, "just joking."
When they approached a door in the bedroom wing, Luke commented, "David, isn't this your room?"
"It was."
Instead of the usual bedroom setup, the bed wasn't there. Instead, there was an extra desk and additional corner settee. Helen held up a finger to keep us quiet and quickly scanned the room for bugs. It was clear. None had ever been found in the school, but it was something David and Helen always did when he knew something private might be discussed.
"The only thing in here is my clothes and ensuite," I said when Helen gave a thumbs up. "Sometimes we need to speak privately with others, like we are about to. We haven't slept in separate bedrooms since year one."
"That soon?"
They all sat down on the settee. "Helen and I were from the same school. We knew each other before coming here, though we weren't romantically involved. Then there was a suicide alert after the first Mix-up Monday. Since there hasn't been one since you joined the school, you won't know the rules. After someone attempts suicide, you can't be apart from your partner for 24 hours, as it can be a catalyst for others to try. I don't think anybody from my year slept alone since that day."
"In the first year we only spent three nights not in the same bed," added Helen. "Two nights punishment, and one night abroad."
"Neither of those were fun times."
"Punishment?" Luke enquired.
"Our interconnecting door was sealed for breaking the underwear rule. We were silly enough to have goofy smiles during breakfast."
Tina blushed at the older couple's candour, and Luke just looked away.
"And the time abroad?"
"This was the only time the Hayfield Beta team have had to be operational. The Alpha team got trapped, so we made a diversion. Christopher and Andy weren't able to safely make it back to the hotel due to the military hunting us down, so they stopped the night near the airport."
"How did you cope being apart that night when you'd spent so much time together and with so much fear?"
"We weren't alone. I couldn't be alone, but that is a tale for another day."
"When did you find out about the no-contact rule?" Luke enquired, his arm around Tina.
"Before we were ready," David responded, not wanting to say when it was. He didn't want Luke and Tina to think they'd missed something obvious.
Helen tapped David and hissed, "Stop paltering."
"We were in year one," he added. Helen tapped him again. "Day one."
"Paltering?" enquired Tina.
"Telling the truth to hide an omission."
Luke gave a small shudder. "Day one?"
Luke looked around the room, trying to comprehend. This seemed even harder to swallow than when he'd first been introduced to the Beta Team concept. There was a photo on a notice board above the desk.
"Who's she?" Luke enquired, pointing to the photo.
"Somebody that followed me four years ago. We put up the picture, so we remember her face, just in case we see her again."
"I saw her in Starbucks at Milton Keynes two weeks ago. She's now a brunette, rather than blonde."
"Are you sure?" David enquired, unsure at how confident Luke was.
Tina laughed. "When we first joined, every time we were watching a movie, Luke would remark where he'd seen people before. Not just main actors, but people playing bit parts too. He stopped when he realised others found it was a bit annoying."
"Okay, leave it with me. Which Starbucks and what time?"
"The main one. You know, the one near door five. Must have been about half eleven."
"David prefers the other one. It's closer to Millie's Cookies," grinned Helen.
David laughed. "I've never seen you refuse any. Anyway, back to this mystery woman. Is that the only time you've seen her?"
"Yes. I seem to remember the face and when, not much else like what they were doing. Anyway, how do you know she was following you?"
"I'd been in London for a week's work experience. On the way back to the station, I noticed that she was there, even after I stopped to tie my shoelace. I thought it must have been my imagination when I stopped for a coffee, but she turned up at the railway station a few minutes after I got there. I got a different train out of London that didn't stop at Leighton Buzzard, and she got on the same train. When I was collected, we had a tail, which we lost."
"If you came back on a different train, how did they have someone there to tail you?"
"I've no idea. I might have missed a tail on previous days, or they had people on standby in various stations, depending on what train I caught. There would have been time for someone at St Albans to move to Hemel before the train got there. I haven't seen her since, even though we've kept an eye out."
"So, what do we do?" enquired Tina, sounding excited.
"I'll send this information to the relevant person."
"And then?"
"We don't do anything," David responded, firmly, glowering at them. "We are students, not spies. You are here to pass your exams and learn new skills. The only time you will do anything like you want is if something goes wrong with Hayfields Alpha team. We will pass this information on, what happens then is out of our hands. We may never know."
Helen took over, firmly but gently. She certainly didn't glower. "Since the end of year-one, we've had a very quiet time at Hayfield. Let me explain some of what happened when we visited Russia and Iran. You'll then understand a bit more."
When Helen had finished, Luke turned to Tina. "I'd not heard any rumours about that, had you?"
"No," she responded. "There are always rumours about what had happened in previous years. This and the sister school were never discussed."
"Good. It isn't to be discussed. Remember, this is a school. I think Mr Hobson is glad that what occurred has faded from pupil knowledge. I remember being told once, that the school was here to give us the best start in life. Before coming here, we all were failing in some ways. This school has given us confidence to discover what we need to succeed. Each pupil here is learning more about what they want to do when they leave. That way we have the best chance to do what we want to do."
A New Style of Education - Year Five
by Karen Page
Part 3
picture created using DALL-E
David's phone beeped, giving him the signal. It had taken a few Sundays for the conditions to be perfect. He sighed, closed the book, and leaned back to think over what he'd read. Well, what he'd read a few times. When he'd chosen the module, he hadn't realised that it wasn't just computer science but contained a lot of mathematics. After storing the books away, he wandered out into the back. This was one of his haunts for thinking and digesting new knowledge. Today it was for another reason. Sunday might be a day of rest, but the time after church was often a good time to discover new thoughts. Not just for him, but others too.
The weather hadn't got too cold, but coats were still advised while perched on one of the picnic tables. It was far too cold for a picnic, but it was a nice solitary area where some went to think. Today though there was someone already there who looked like he was mulling over some issue.
"Hi Alex."
Alex looked up startled. Seeing someone from year five wasn't what he expected and one of the joint head students.
"Are you okay?" David enquired. "You seemed a bit lost in thought."
"I'm good." Alex got up like he was going back inside.
"I'm not going to bite. You seemed to be thinking hard about things. Is everything okay? Are you finding the lessons hard?"
Alex smiled a bit and shook his head. "The lessons aren't hard."
That wasn't one of the responses David had expected. "Too easy?"
Alex blushed. "A bit. I don't make friends easily, so used to read a lot."
"You've been here three months. Why didn't you tell anybody you were finding it too easy?"
Alex laughed. "I've never heard anybody admit things are too easy. That just ends up with more work. I just want to fit in and not be singled out."
"Is that why you got into trouble at your old school? Trying to fit in?"
Alex shrugged his shoulders.
"So, before you moved here; what did you read about?"
Again, Alex shrugged his shoulder. "The usual. Maths, French, Physics."
David smirked a bit. "I wouldn't say its usual, but if it made you happy then great. Was Adrian going to join you out here?"
"He wanted some alone time in his room. He said he'd be down a bit later. I'm not in any trouble, am I?"
"No, you aren't in trouble. There was someone who used to come to this school. Jessica. She was okay with the lessons but didn't know how to cope with the amount of work. You've already had lessons on managing time and things like that, so hopefully you won't have that issue. When you started you were told that you would sit some exams early. When you get to year one, you will be given a specialist skill to research and own, so you will soon be having more things to occupy yourself."
"Ah, so that's why we had those workshops. So, if I'm not in trouble, why were you here?"
"Ooh, nosey, aren't we?" David teased, just like Stacy used to tease him. "I'm doing a module on cryptography and was branching out my learning. I often go for a walk to think about what I'd read."
"Oh?" Alex seemed to perk up a bit.
"Something called Complexity Theory."
"Ah, P vs NP. Travelling Salesman. Things like that?"
He stared at Alex. "Yes, that type of thing. So, Adrian didn't want you around? Is all okay with the two of you?"
"Oh sure, we get on like a house on fire."
Having reviewed all the years profiles, David had a fairly good idea what Adrian was doing. The memory of the fire alarm while he was in year-one came to his mind and he winced.
"What's up?"
"I was experimenting before our first Mix Up Monday and the fire alarm went off. When you said Adrian was wanting some privacy and then house on fire, it brought back some memories."
"I didn't say Adrian was right-siding."
"It must happen enough that you have a nickname for it. Right-siding. I like it."
"She'll kill me."
"And there's the involuntary pronoun swap."
Alex plonked himself down on the bench and David moved to sit next to him. "What Adrian is doing isn't a big deal. If Adrian wants to be Adelle, then so be it. You've had two Mix Up Mondays and you saw that all the pupils took part. There are four people in my year that don't live as the same gender as they were born. One of them doesn't plan to have any surgery."
"What about you?"
"Ooh, still being nosey. I was born David, and I will probably die as David. I can dress as Jayne and not have any conflict because who I am doesn't change. I am me."
"If you're still the same when you are David and Jayne, how do you know that the underlying you isn't Jayne?"
David shrugged. "I don't. It doesn't matter for me. It took until the end of my first year here to get some inkling on how I felt."
"So why was I picked for this school?"
"Because this school gives us an environment to learn what we couldn't at our old schools."
"But I learnt plenty."
"You learnt lots of academic things, but not personal things. Both are important in life. You weren't living. When you weren't at school, you came home and hid in your bedroom reading books or scouring the internet for knowledge. That's left you not knowing how to interact with others. In the last three months you've hardly socialised. You hide away from your year, unless it's a set event."
"But I don't know any of them."
"And you won't unless you make an effort. You're all new to the school. None in your year knew any of the others. Yet they all stick together and meet up in your year common room, or in The Lounge. Some of you have even been brave enough to talk to those in other years."
"You try growing up in Brixton. My parents wanted me to study so I could get out of there. If I'd mixed with others, then I'd have been in a gang and probably distributing drugs to buy guns and knives. If I mix here, then it'll be like joining a gang."
Alex's profile only described so much and didn't always articulate the environment around them. Stacy grew up in a rough area, but that seemed like a spa compared to where Alex lived.
"A gang doesn't have to equate to gangster. It's not just affecting you; it is affecting Adelle. Your study partner is the most important thing in the school. You do everything together. You already seem to have learnt that you have no secrets from each other, which is good. However, if you don't socialise, Adelle won't. You're then hurting her growth. How will she know what it's like to be her true self if she doesn't have chance to mix with others? You're male, so she can't learn that from you."
Alex shrugged his shoulders but seemed to be thinking about it.
"Do you play pool?"
Alex looked up, puzzled at the sudden change of topic. "No. Where would I have learnt to play that?"
"I suppose. I just wondered, as you said you like physics. Think of pool in terms of Newton's laws of motion. You hit the ball with a stick called a cue. That exerts a force. The ball travels along. There is slight friction from the table. It hits another ball and energy passes through it causing a reaction."
"I'd not thought of it like that. It can't be that easy, can it?"
"Of course not. Like most games, there is strategy. You have to plan ahead. Not just how to pot one of the balls, but how to position for the next few. How to position things so if you miss your opponent doesn't find it easy."
"Will you show me?"
"I can, but why learn from me when there is someone who can teach you who is an expert. Hang on a moment."
David moved away, pulled out his phone and made a call. Alex looked on pensively and tried to hear what was being discussed.
"Come on," David said, putting his phone away.
When they went into The Lounge, the pool table was clear, and Erika was stood next to it. There were a few watching on with interest, but most were just sat on chairs, and comfortable settees chatting away with their friends.
There was no need for introductions. Hayfield Hall was a small school with sixty pupils, and you knew them all. Some you would know better than others, but everyone knew their main and other-gender name.
Alex approached the table rather nervously. Erika, being Erika grinned and pulled him to the table. "There's no need to be shy. It's just us playing with a few balls."
That got a snigger or two from the audience. Erika was always entertaining when she was helping someone. Her continual patter of jokes soon had Alex under her spell.
"Before we start, you need to learn the basics. And that is how to hit the cue ball. That is the white one. How you hit it affects what it does when it hits the target. Let me demonstrate."
Erika put three red balls on the table and the white cue ball.
"The first is a simple follow shot."
Erika hit the white, it rolled down the table, hit one of the reds and followed it down the table.
"The next is what's called a screw shot. When the white hits the ball, see what it does."
"It comes back," exclaimed Alex, sounding awed.
Erika smiled at Alex's expression. "Finally, the stun shot."
She hit the white, and when it hit the red ball the white stopped, and the red ball went down the table and into the pocket.
"How did you do that?" Alex gasped. "What did you do?"
"All in good time. First off you need to learn to hit the cue ball properly. You learnt to read words. Later you then learnt sentences and finally you added emotion. With someone with your eye, I'm sure you'll soon get the hang of it."
After several shots where Alex started to get the hang of things, he asked, "Can't I just play a game and learn as I go?"
"If you like," responded Erika, with a twinkle in her eyes. "Let's see how you do. Now, what music do you want on?"
"I've never heard it here. It used to be played on the local pirate station. The lyrics were a bit violent, but it had quite a beat."
David grabbed his phone and made a note to do some research later. This was a school of music. The orchestra might play classical music, but they listened and enjoyed a wide variety. If Alex had lived where there was a more localised sound, then there must be a way to get that sound to him here.
Erika broke and the balls separated, but none went down. There was a small cluster that would be easy shots. "I'll choose reds," she called and then quietly to Alex. "That means that yellows are your colour. You pot only yellows and then lastly the black."
"Are you going easy on me," enquired Alex, noticing that two of the yellows would be easy shots.
"No. Just setting up situations to see what you need to learn."
Alex looked over the position of the balls and couldn't see a trap so went for the easy pot. The yellow went in."
"Great," beamed Erika. "So, what next?"
"What do you mean?"
"So what yellow are you going to try to pot next?"
Alex looked away from Erika and back at the balls. There weren't any yellows that were potable.
"You didn't plan," gently explained Erika, no malice in her voice. "You had no strategy. I've seen you play chess. You don't just move pieces, you plan and think not just what you will do, but what might force an opponent to do something."
"And I should have done that here," he moaned.
"Yes, if you'd done a screw shot, you could have moved back and been on for that yellow," pointed out Erika, indicating a ball on the side.
"Does anybody have any suggestions?" called out Alex to the people watching.
"You could come in behind that yellow," suggested Becca from year one. "That will make it harder for Erika to get to a red. Just make sure the cue ball hits it gently."
"You could hit this yellow," David added, pointing to a yellow in the middle of the table. "The cue ball will then travel on to the head of the table and be away from the colours."
"Or you could aim for the cluster of balls and hope one of the yellows goes in," added Eugene, the year leader from year zero. "It's riskier, as you might leave it open for Erika if the gamble doesn't pay off."
"Tell us your thinking," pressed Erika.
"I've not any thoughts at the moment. I don't understand enough about how others play to be able to plan ahead."
"A good player is one where they don't play as you expect them to. So, have you made up your mind? Three really good ideas or you might have one of your own."
"I'd have liked to put the white ball-"
"Cue ball," cried out a handful of spectators.
"That too," responded Alex, a small smile appearing. Smiles were rare for Alex. "I'd have like to put the cue ball behind the yellow, but I don't think I have the control to do it. If I hit too hard, it will spoil it and make it easy to get onto the red. If I hit it too softly, it won't touch it and will be a foul."
"And the other two?"
"Well, hitting that cluster seems to be a desperate thing. Too much luck needed, though it might make good entertainment. Nudging that central yellow and going to the head of the table is possible. I also thought about a mixture of Becca and Eugene's ideas, nudging against the cluster. Make it a harder shot. If I did it right, it would split those two yellows and leave it in the middle."
"You'd have to do it just right. Too slow and it won't split the yellows, leaving me to be able to do a simple shot to pot. If you hit it too hard, the yellow will split too much, and leave you just as vulnerable."
Alex quickly looked over the table and made the decision to go for Becca's suggestion. Taking a deep breath, he took the shot and held his breath as the ball rolled across the baize. It slowly hit the cushion and gently rolled onto the target yellow, nudging it on a few millimetres.
"Nicely done," grinned Erika.
Alex looked across with a big grin. This was fun. Erika stalked around the table and rubbed her nose in contemplation.
"That was a good defensive move. I have very few moves available, and no opportunities to get in a pot. I'm going to have to come off two cushions to get to that red there." Erika pointed to a red towards the top of the table.
She did as she said and nicely made her shot. "Do you want to continue after lunch?" Erika enquired.
"It's lunchtime?" Alex enquired, sounding shocked.
"In twenty minutes."
"I need to-"
Alex ground to a halt as he saw Adelle walk in accompanied by Helen and Martha. The pupils who'd been watching the lesson, saw Alex's face, and turned to see what he was staring at.
"Perhaps tomorrow might be a better time," murmured Erika.
Erika could have said the moon was made of cheese and Alex wouldn't have heard. Adelle looked nothing like her attempts on Mix Up Mondays. Her hair style showed she'd not just been to the hairdressers but had taken a style which showed she was staying.
"Eugene," David said quietly. "I've got Alex to start socialising. Now go and integrate Alex and Adelle into your year."
Eugene came up and gently steered Alex to Adelle and the rest of his year.
Lunchtime came, and the bottom year had joined the rest of the school, which meant they didn't seem to have an issue with Adelle. Their conversations were as lively as ever. They were too far away for David to tell if Alex and Adelle were more involved.
As David ate, Alex's comment played on his mind. How did he know the underlying person wasn't Jayne. Ever since the "I am coffee" revelation, it hadn't seemed important to him, as he was still the same person. That had seemed enough. Yet now, that small comment seemed to make it so important.
"What's up?" Helen asked her lover, not liking seeing him in distress.
"I know how the coffee is made isn't important, but I wonder if the coffee bean is."
"Huh?" came from Brian, not trying to hide his listening to the conversation.
Helen understood what he was saying, as did Hilda. He'd never shared his coffee analogy with the rest of the year.
"What the-" escaped Jill's mouth.
"I know Rachel isn't around today. But if you want to chat, my door is always open," Hilda mentioned. "I don't want you to fret and let it escalate."
"I'm talking and not letting it fret. I learnt that lesson very well in year one. I'm being open with you all, and not hiding like before Russia."
"By talking cryptically about coffee?" prodded Brian.
Helen understood and grabbed David's hand and explained, "It doesn't matter if the coffee is a dark roast, or lightly roasted. It doesn't matter if you have a latte or with no milk. At the end of the day, it is still coffee,"
"And?" prodded Erika.
This David thought he should answer. "It doesn't matter if I'm dressed as David or Jayne. I'm still me. I sorted that out at the end of year one. That's why it no longer mattered to me how I was dressed or presented. I could be fully male, or fully female or something in between and it didn't matter, as I was still me."
"So, what's upset you then?"
"I got asked earlier, if the way I presented didn't matter, how did I know the underlying me is David and not Jayne."
"But I thought you said it didn't matter," mused Anna. "You said it didn't matter how you presented; you were still you."
"I know, and that's the issue. If I'm equally happy presenting as either gender, how do I know what the real me is? My genetics say I'm male. Yet what does my soul say? How do I tell? I've no idea how to find out. That is my issue. When I fell in love, I just knew. Yet for something as fundamental as what gender I am; I'm lost."
"Does a label matter that much to you?" asked Helen.
"No... Yes... No. Hayfield is the best place to learn about myself. In some ways I suddenly feel I've wasted four years of discovery because I was comfortable."
"Don't knock being comfortable," Emma piped up. "I suffered many years not being comfortable. Some people spend most of their life not being comfortable. Too afraid what others will say. Too afraid they will be alone. Too afraid they might not keep a job. Too afraid they might get beaten up."
"I remember a conversation when we were in year one when someone rather clever said you had to experiment, or you might always wonder. You have given so much to others in this school. You might not know what your soul says about you, but let me tell you who I am. I was born female and have a female soul. My relationship type doesn't have a label apart from love. It's not lesbian, and it isn't heterosexual. It is blended. It is complex, it is beautiful, and strangely simple."
David looked at Anna shocked at her open honesty. He didn't get chance to say anything because Jill spoke.
"I was born male, but I have a defective body where some of my body is growing female but have male sexual organs. I love females, with one in particular."
"I was born female and will stay female," stated Erika, jumping in quickly before anybody else could. "I don't want to change gender. I don't know how to describe my sexuality. I love Martha. I don't care what bits she has. She is an outgoing, kind and loving girl who everyday makes me glad to be alive."
They went around the table, each sharing who they were. It finally came to Helen. She turned to David, taking his hands into hers and looked straight into his eyes. "I'm me. You are you. And we are us."
David and Helen said the 'we are us' bit in unison. Helen didn't need to say anymore. It summed up their relationship. Yet, she did continue. "I was born female and have a mostly female soul. Part of my attitude has male attributes, but I've learnt that that is fine. I can be me without having to conform to others view of what it should be to be female. As I stated in our affirmation. I love you. I don't care if you are David, Jayne or something wildly different."
With all the love that everyone had been giving David, he began to feel less alone. Yet he still felt frustrated as it hadn't helped answer who he was.
"Normally people get clues to their gender based on how they like to be treated or dressed. But I feel just the same when I'm portraying male as female. That doesn't give me any clues."
"Do you enjoy sex?" suddenly blurted out Brian.
David looked frantically around to see if Brian's question had been heard by any other tables. It was then that he realised that the rest of the dining room was empty. He looked worriedly at Hilda, not wanting to get into trouble.
"You don't have to give an answer aloud," Brian added quickly. "I just thought it might be a physical thing that might give you a pointer. Something that isn't represented by clothes."
"Hold it," called out Hilda. "You've all given David some great pointers and shown him your love and compassion for what he's going through. However, I think things are starting to get a bit personal. What happens in a couple's bedroom isn't appropriate for discussion, even though you are all very close friends. It's even less appropriate to be discussed in the dining room where the school rule is that sex mustn't occur."
"I'm sorry," muttered Brian, turning a little red with embarrassment.
"It was a great idea," Hilda said magnanimously. "I'm just putting a halt to the discussion before anybody gets into trouble. David, would you like a small chat now, before orchestra practice?"
"Sure," he said, getting up.
Helen looked torn. She wanted to be with David, but she was supposed to be checking on Adelle and year zero. "Helen, it is only a chat. Adelle is in more need than I am."
"If David gets into destress, I'll call," promised Hilda. That seemed to satisfy Helen.
In Hilda's office, David was soon seated on her maroon settee. She was sat opposite in her single recliner. She was the only member of the psychiatry team with a recliner. The format of the rooms was the same, but each member of staff had their own mark of uniqueness. Hilda's was the recliner.
As usual, David waited until Hilda made the opening move. "I've never seen a group be as open as they all were. Such compassion and love for you. You have really become a family."
"Do families really have conversations like that?"
Hilda laughed. "Probably not. But you are probably thinking about blood related families. Children will be in different years and be in various stages of development. You are the same age, and the school has not just given you a scholastic education but a wider shared ethos. You have been taught to look out for each other and try to understand what others are going through."
It had taken David two years to become comfortable opening up to Rachel. He occasionally had sessions with the other psychiatrists and that was fine, but with Rachel there was a bond. Dr Hilda Saunders though was something different and he thought about her. 'Her sessions were always more intense. Conversations would get deep quickly, and things she suggested I thought about got right to the heart of the issue. Yet, none of them put me down. None of them said any of my thoughts or ideas were rubbish. They might challenge me or point things out that I might not have thought about, but they were never dismissive. They never told me what to think, or what to do.'
"Let me summarise where I think you are," stated Hilda, her tablet at the ready. "It doesn't matter how you present yourself; you are happy. This is because deep down, you know you are the same person. Today, somebody asked how you knew the core you was David, and not Jayne. This has you unsettled as you don't know the answer. Does that about summarise it?"
David paused for a moment and then quietly answered, "I suppose it does."
"I'm going to leave Brian's question to one side. If you do have sexual relations with Helen, it gives you something to think about. It may help you, or it might not. How much enjoyment in sexual relations is based on making Helen happy, rather than on the act itself? Are you happier that Helen is happy vs you enjoying the activity?"
He gave a sad smile. "You're right. That might not help as much as I thought. Yes, I do enjoy the physical side, but I think you are right in Helen's happiness seems to have a bigger impact on my happiness."
"I want to go through a scenario with you. You wake up, and you had the choice to dress as you want, which side do you get clothes from? The left, right or back?"
"Left."
"So, you prefer to dress male. When you are dressed that way and are in school, what is your favourite way of behaving?"
"At school, I relax a bit. I don't really make an effort to be male or female. My voice is male, but I don't think I act too masculine. I know I make more effort when I go out."
"Is that effort something you do yourself, or something you are reminded about?"
"It used to be something Helen reminded me about, but I got more into the habit myself. I got some strange looks when I forgot, and that made me nervous enough to remember for future. In the school, I'm accepted no matter what. It means it isn't something I have to worry too much about. I just get on with things."
"I'm certainly not telling you to behave in any given way. It is for you to be how you are comfortable. I'm just pointing things out. See if it gives you any clues. Most people in the world think of themselves as male or female and most of them their bodies match their soul. There are a few here where their bodies didn't match their soul and are doing something about it. But have you given any thought that your soul might not be male or female? It could be both, or neither."
"Both?" he uttered, trying to get him mind to process that idea.
"Or neither."
"Both or neither sounds so alien." David muttered, almost to himself. "Perhaps that's why I don't know my gender. I'm an alien monster."
"I'm sure you're human and I don't accept you thinking you're a monster. Also, I'm sure that not all aliens are monsters. Anyway, we're getting side tracked and a bit too 'out of this world' for this chat. There are two terms that we should discuss. You might have heard them before. Some people get them confused. Androgynous and nonbinary. Androgynous is where the appearance is not trying to be masculine or feminine. Nonbinary is where the gender identification is neither male nor female, it could be both or neither."
"Are you saying I'm nonbinary?"
"No. You were just thinking male or female. I was just pointing out that there are other identities that are just as valid. You have to decide how you feel."
Nonbinary had been one of the terms discussed in life skills during year one. Yet, it wasn't something that David had really thought about, and just stored the knowledge for future reference.
"Do nonbinary people have to dress androgynously?
"No. Some do, but others don't. They are equally happy presenting as male, female, both or neither. I've not seen something get to you like this since that incident in year two."
David gave a small smile. "That wasn't my best moment at the school. I'm surprised I wasn't kicked out."
"You both learned your lesson and moved on. I don't want this festering away at you. All at this school have such a bright future ahead of you. Anyway, I think we've gone off track. Let me ask one more thing and let's see if it helps. Do you have any issues with yourself naked. For instance, when you shower, does your body cause you revulsion?"
David thought about it and nothing bad came to mind. Nothing good either, apart from sharing time with Helen. He shrugged, indifferently. "No hate, but no love either. I just am."
Hilda tapped away on her tablet and got a message back almost instantly. "I hope you don't mind, but I've asked Martha to join us. I will explain why when she gets here."
It didn't make sense to David why Martha was joining them, but he felt that if Hilda thought it might help, then what harm could it do.
"While we wait for Martha, how did you get on with Alex?"
"I think he got the message, but who knows. We all come here with baggage, but his seems to be different from what I've seen over the last few years. I think Adelle needing to mix, to get female help, might be a bigger catalyst than had been discussed."
"Excellent, thank you for doing this."
"Oh, and he is hiding his knowledge. When I mentioned what I was studying, he knew the topic."
"Thanks for mentioning it, but we know. We are still finding our way with year zero. This is only the second year. If things go to plan, we might introduce specialist lessons February time. They've ramped up their learning quicker than expected. That means his brain can get the attention it needs without it becoming obvious that we're pushing him."
Martha must have dropped what she was doing because she was soon sat next to David. Erika had come too and was sat next to Martha as close as it was humanly possible without being sat on her knees.
"Martha, I know it is hard, but would you be willing to tell David what it was like for you before you transitioned. What it was like showering and seeing yourself naked before you started to change?"
"You don't have to, if it is too hard," said David quickly. He didn't want Martha having to relive that time.
"Nah, it's fine now. If you'd asked me before I'd come to The Manor, that would have been different. When I could, I avoided washing, and especially never looked in the mirror. I'm glad that I hadn't fully started puberty before I got on blockers. I thought about trying to cut it off with a blade, but I was too scared of causing damage which might impact reassignment surgery. My parents couldn't understand why I wasn't doing well in school anymore, and why I always seemed to get into fights."
For the next five minutes, she let out the torture he'd gone through, knowing her body was wrong. All Erika could do was hold her lover and give reassurance. I'd never heard such raw emotion before. It was like a dam had burst and she had to get it out.
Eventually she stopped and David leaned across and gave her a gentle hug. "Thank you. Just that bit you told me is enough to know. The loathing in your voice was quite different from the factual story of your past. I'm glad you are now you."
She gave a weak smile. "Did it really help?"
"Yes, it really did. I'm sorry you had to relieve your past like that to help me."
"And?"
"I don't have that loathing. I don't feel joy or hate at my body. Hilda has mentioned a few things, and I think I'll need to think about it more."
"Anything else before orchestra?" Hilda enquired.
They didn't and when they left Hilda's office, Helen was waiting.
"Thanks to Martha, I've got some great insight and lots to think about," David told Helen. "Martha, thank you for that."
"My pleasure. I'm glad it helped. I think it helped me too. I hadn't realised I'd still got all that emotion about that time. It feels slightly cathartic to get it out."
A New Style of Education - Year Five
by Karen Page
Part 4
picture created using DALL-E
As David reluctantly moved away from Helen to get a shower, he heard the ting of a status update on his phone. It wasn't one of the urgent chimes, so he knew it would wait. For the first few years, he'd become a slave to the updates on the phone. Dr Ruiz constantly reminded him that he thought about an answer in her sessions, so why should he respond instantly to a message which wasn't urgent. When he did look, it was from Mr Hobson for a chat just before lunch.
At breakfast, Mr Hobson made his morning announcement, and then added. "It has been brought to my attention that next Thursday is bonfire night. For various reasons, we haven't marked this important event for the last few years. Rather like we done for other events; this is something that I feel should be a school effort.
"Items to be done. An area on the far side of the back lawn, the large flat area, needs to have the lawn removed. Fire and grass aren't a good mix. A small digger and dumper truck will be provided, though some use of a shovel will be needed. Training for the digger will be provided. This is open for all years.
"Wood needs to be collected. There will be fallen branches in the woods near the shooting range. There has been some minor felling where a few trees where dangerous from last week's storm. There will be a few dumper trucks, or pickup trucks to bring the wood to where the bonfire will be. Anybody who has passed the Hayfield Driving School can drive the vehicles. I believe that is anybody in year three upwards, though I heard there are three in year two who are about to take that test. Equipment such as axes and chainsaws won't be used by students, but Mr Yates has that training and will wield his axe where needed."
A few sniggers broke out at that and by the look of Mr Hobsons small smile, that had been his intention.
"I estimate it will be a few days work for a large bonfire. Can I have a show of hands for those willing to forgo tomorrow's trip to Milton Keynes to aid in our bonfire night preparations?"
Hands shot up, and the silence was broken by several excited conversations about what they wanted to do.
"I always seem to do this the wrong way. Hands down, and anybody still wanting to go to Milton Keynes tomorrow, put up your hands."
There was none.
"Excellent. Tomorrow morning, after breakfast we shall divide up. Make sure you wear appropriate clothing. Sturdy footwear must be worn."
* * *
David coughed slightly at the open door to Mr Hobson's office. It was late morning.
"Come on in, and shut the door," said Mr Hobson, getting up from behind his desk.
Sitting on the settee that Mr Hobson indicated, he continued "Thank you for sending the information on the mystery woman. To tell you the truth, I was quite sceptical, but we've had no other leads, so sent it to the relevant people. The results came in late yesterday. Luke was right, it was the same person. The CCTV didn't show she was interested in anybody there, so might have just been a coincidence, but has raised a few warning flags."
"Hence the cancellation of tomorrows trip to Milton Keynes?"
"Exactly," responded Mr Hobson, not attempting to hide the details from David. "The other thing raised was how did Luke recognise your photo. Had he seen it before?"
"No, that was the first time."
"Interesting. I've been shown a research paper published earlier this year on something called Super Recognisers. This is something quite niche and a new field. Some people have the perception to remember faces. Would you be willing to take Luke to see someone in London who will test his skills? Luke has never been to London, hence why I thought it would be good for you to accompany him."
"Sure. When and where abouts?"
"Next Tuesday to University College. One of the lecturers there is one of the people who co-wrote the paper on Super Recognisers. They have some tests which should indicate if Luke has this skill."
"I've never heard of this Super Recogniser thing before," David admitted. "I was a bit sceptical myself, but he was so earnest, I couldn't not inform you."
"I'm glad you did. Sometimes we are so sceptical and only think that what we know can exist."
Mr Hobson paused, and seemed like he wanted to say something else, but after several seconds looked like he decided against it.
"Moving on, but with a similar strain, you handled Luke finding out about his sister well, including the no contact rule. Well done."
"Rachel did the majority of the work. I just spotted that the conversation was needed. Has Tina been to London?"
"No, I don't believe she has, but I don't think this would be a good opportunity. I'm sure most in year three suspect something about the beta program, but I don't want to single them out yet."
* * *
"It's great to see you are all dressed down for today's event," boomed Mr Hobson before the breakfast bell rang. "Everybody should be wearing sturdy footwear. The support person on your table will make sure you are appropriately attired. If not, you will be requested to change. When breakfast has finished, you will find boxes of gloves in the entrance hall. Please take one left and one right glove. We shall start at 9:30, so everybody can enjoy their breakfast without worrying. It is the weekend, after all.
"As I mentioned yesterday, there will be use of some mechanical equipment. We are lucky that two members of year five are skilled with diggers and dumper trucks. Emma and Paula will be your experts who will give training to those who use that equipment. Please listen to them as they do know what they are doing. During breakfast an update with groups should appear on your phones. Each group will have a leader. Leaders might not be in the top year, and they may not be year leaders. So, if you are assigned a leader's position, then use that time to learn. The sign of a good leader is to involve those they are leading, and an easy start is asking advice if unsure."
From experience, the top year knew that the leader roles would go to the lower years. Mr Hobson knew how the upper years handled leadership.
Towards the end of breakfast, the ring of notifications sounded within the hall as the assignments arrived on the phones. As expected, none of pupils in the top two year were leaders. They were mostly there to do heavy lifting and give extra supervision. The way the support staff were dressed, they would be helping too.
Events like Halloween and Bonfire Night were always celebrated at mealtimes, but setting up a bonfire was something different. The only other major event, other than concerts was Christmas. This was a time where all they students could pull together for a single purpose. At Christmas there was decorating the school. Bonfire night was different, and this was something none of the years had done before.
Manual labour wasn't something they were used to, and after an hour, the pace slowed. There wasn't any pressure from the staff involved, but there were suggestions to rest and have a drink. The kitchen staff had set out a large table with all sorts of drinks ranging from water, and orange juice to tea, coffee and hot chocolate.
As they traipsed back to the woods, Mr Hobson broke out in singing. After a few glances more joined in and soon the woods were filled with the sound of song. This raised their spirits, and the loose wood was carried, dragged, and generally manoeuvred to the edge of the woods.
"Tell me about your sister," David asked Tina, as they wrestled with wood, glad the gloves were protecting them from splinters. Ben in year zero had taken off his gloves and was now being treated for grazed hands. For some reason he thought the gloves made him weak.
"I have two. Caroline and Ashleigh, though the sister I mentioned the other day was Ashleigh. I thought my file would have had all that information," she said slyly.
David smiled at the fishing and said, "I was asking you and yes, I was referring to Ashleigh. You knew her. Lived with her. You said she had a boyfriend who got mistaken for a girl? There sounds to be a story there."
"You really want to know?"
"I wouldn't be asking if I wasn't interested."
"Ashleigh was," Tina paused and then reiterated, " is my sister. Even though she was quite a few years older than me, it never stopped her being kind. She always looked out for me. Yet, I never told her my secret. I didn't want to lose her trust. And then when she brought home her friend. I could see he was a boy, but my parents thought he was a girl, and Ashleigh called him Becky. I thought my parents were accepting, so let down my guard, and I was caught wearing Caroline's clothes."
"Oops."
"Indeed. I then made it worse by explaining that I was really a girl. My parents went ballistic when I mentioned that Becky was really a boy, and they had no issues with him. How little did I know. They banned Ash from ever seeing Richard again."
"Richard?"
"That was Becky's real name. The only reason Ash called him Becky was because my parents thought he was a girl. I overheard him come to talk to my parents a few weeks later. He'd had a delayed puberty and he got his GP to give him a testosterone injection. He said he wasn't trans."
"If he wasn't, he must have got a lot of stick from other kids if he looked that much like a girl."
Tina looked horrified. "I'd not thought of that. Poor kid. There was I upset because my parents wouldn't let me see my GP about being trans. But apart from being grounded for six months, things didn't really change that much. Caroline thought I was a bit strange, but she always thought I was strange because I preferred playing in an orchestra than playing football or rugby."
"And Ashleigh?"
"She's done well in her exams. She shut herself away and became a bit of a recluse. It's like she lost something when they weren't allowed to see each other. She'd planned to go to the same university as Richard, but he asked her not to. He didn't want her to become estranged from her parents."
Not once had Tina cried or got upset. It was something she'd cried herself out of many years ago. Now, it was just something that happened. A troubled time in her past, that she'd moved on from. Not that she hadn't forgotten, and in some ways hadn't forgiven her parents for what they'd done to herself or Ashleigh.
"I'm sorry," David murmured, giving Tina a gentle hug. "I hadn't realised you'd gone through all that."
"There are others here that have been through much harder times. My parents weren't physically abusive. They thought they were doing the right thing to help me."
"Yes, but it wasn't right that they didn't listen to your needs."
She shrugged.
"To them they were trying to protect me from what they thought was a bad choice. They presumed I was too young to understand and was just mistaken. We email each other and that's good. Obviously, nobody outside the school knows I've transitioned. It's like a truce. Anyway, enough of that, we are lagging behind with our wood moving."
David didn't think he'd have been that forgiving. He thought about his parents. They hadn't been the best of parents. During the week they seemed to be in their own world, not seeming to be involved. At the weekends they were always around, but as he grew up, David never seemed to have anything in common with them. His life, he knew, would be nothing like theirs and he wondered what he could do so the reunion in almost five years time would be something he could look forward to.
* * *
There had been various discussions if the trip to London with Luke should be done in commuter time. It would have meant leaving before breakfast and would probably have led to less questions from his year. But it would have meant hanging around. Plus, it wouldn't have been a nice first experience for the trip to London.
"So, what did you tell your year?" David asked, as Helen drove them to the railway station.
"The truth. Some researchers wanted to test me. They didn't ask about what. I was surprised how accepting they were."
"How much did you suspect about the Beta program before you were invited to join?"
"Some. Not the whole thing, but there seemed to be more going on with the concerts. But it was still a shock to find out the rest."
"But you didn't say anything, like you don't say anything to your parents about Mix Up Mondays."
"Ah," Luke uttered, nodding slightly. "So, they didn't ask because they didn't feel it was right to ask. Just like we don't ask about other things."
"It's up to you what you tell your year about today."
"Just not about that lady?" Luke confirmed.
"Yes. We don't want to worry them. We have no idea who she is. The train I was on continued to Milton Keynes, so it could all have been a coincidence. We were followed from the station, so there was some surveillance, but it might not have been her."
"The rest of the year did query about me not shaving for the last few days, but I've got to admit I do think I look a bit older. Tina wasn't too keen but understood why. I think using an alias though is a bit much."
"Perhaps, but if you do have this Super Recogniser skill, it isn't something you probably want generally known."
"Yet the school will know. I know that they think they are doing this for my own good, but sometimes I think they are too paranoid."
Helen spoke for the first time on the journey. "Perhaps, but Mr Hobson's job is to keep us safe. He tried to resign when he didn't think he'd done a good enough job. I'm glad his resignation was refused."
"So am I," agreed Luke, surprised at how open Helen and David were being. This was the first time he'd heard about Mr Hobson nearly resigning.
The conversation tailed off as they approached the railway station.
"Have fun!" called Helen as David and Luke got out of the car. "Give me a call when you're on the way back and I'll pick you up."
The train journey to London was painless. It was after rush hour, and the trains were quiet. It meant they could get seats with nobody nearby. At first the conversations were about the upcoming concert, and the pieces they were playing. When that dried up, David moved the conversation onto what he thought Luke might have wanted to talk about, his sister.
"How are things going with Stacy?" David asked, as a starter.
"Good; I think. She said she was glad I knew. It would make our chats easier."
"And has it?"
"At first, it was hard. I was unsure what to say. However, as the emails flowed it has become better. We were emailing once a month, and now it is every other day. Haven't you talked to her?"
"Sure. However, I was asking how things were going for you. I know how they are for her. She is an ex-pupil, so knows what you're going through. She is also family, so you have a shared past. Just as Helen and I have a past that extends to before we started at Hayfield. There aren't many that occurs with."
"There are others?"
"Yes, but as I said, not many. Each have their own story, which it isn't my place to talk about. You know that. You aren't the only person that I know with another pupil who is family; you are just the only one at Hayfield."
"So, what's this sister school like?"
"I've never been there, but when they stayed with us for a few months, they were just like us, but talked with strange accents." David looked across to see Luke in thought and decided now would be a suitable time to drip more knowledge he would need later. "They're an S.P.A school. We’ve never had contact with any of the other schools."
"How many more secrets do you have?" Luke asked. He'd wanted to ask about the other schools but thought that now might not be appropriate.
David knew the question was rhetorical, so just smiled.
"As we mentioned the other night, there are things that you and Tina will need to know about that others in the school don't. Not because it's bad, but because it isn't relevant for them."
"Do you know any more about the testing today?"
"All I know is where we are going. They will run some recognition tests; we get told the results and then we leave. We'll soon be at Euston. It's stopped raining, so we will walk to where we're going. We can go on the tube later."
Luke's face lit up. This was something he was excited about. "Will we get chance to see other things in London too?"
"Yes, but not everything. London is huge with plenty of different things to see and experience. Today will be about knowing where some of the important places are. There will be other opportunities for you and Tina to visit in the future."
"Why just us and not the rest of the year?"
"Oh, you all will be doing things. It's just that you and Tina are the only ones in your year that have never been to London. Also, both of you lived a more restricted life. So that you can operate in more areas, you need to know how to socialise at different events. We'll see what comes up to help with that. I needed that help too. When I joined Hayfield, I'd never been abroad and never eaten out."
The train pulled in, and they followed the small stream of passengers down the platform, through the gates and into Euston's ever crowded concourse.
"This is even busier than some of the airports," muttered Luke as they made their way out.
"You think it is bad now, try it at rush hour."
The walk to Alexandra House didn't take long, and they were soon being directed to the testing lab. David was surprised that he was going to be tested too. They were left in the hands of Mary Hilliard, a research assistant.
"Liam, you have this computer," said Mary to Luke. "Peter, you are on this one."
David moved over to the one that Mary had pointed to for Peter.
"You will see a picture of a face for a few seconds. You will then be shown a series of blurred pictures. Choose which matches the original."
Twenty minutes later, they had both completed the test. "Well done," said Mary coming into the room. "Peter, you have an above average result. Your mouse and eye movements seem to indicate that you hesitated over the correct answer but went for something else. You might improve as you get older, but you aren't a Super Recogniser."
David smiled and gave a small shrug. "I didn't think I was. I was just here to accompany Liam."
Mary nodded and turned to Luke. "Liam, you answered all the questions correctly. Would you be willing to do a slightly different test, to confirm?"
Luke gave a quick look at David and, not seeing any dissension, agreed.
"Is there anywhere I can watch?" David enquired.
"Why don't you come into the observation booth," Mary offered. "You can then see what we are seeing."
David agreed and followed her out. The observation room was simple. It had a computer that was monitoring not just what they had chosen, but eye and hand movements. How they made the choice was just as important as the right answer. Luke was watching videos of busy streets and being shown pictures of faces and being asked to choose who had been in them. As with the initial tests, the pictures were slightly pixilated or different positions.
"Who are you?" asked Mary, as they watched Luke's test progress.
"What do you mean?" David responded. "I'm Peter."
"No, not that. There was a request for today's test directly from the ethics committee. Once the test is done, we are to print out the results which won't have anything identifiable and give you the hard drive which will have the raw data."
David nodded. "Liam is under eighteen and your studies are only authorised for adults. Yet your university is the best in Europe for this research. Without anything identifiable, you get the chance to add to your research. You win, as you get your anonymised data, Liam wins as he gets the results and doesn't have his details in the system."
"You don't sound as young as eighteen," Mary remarked.
"How is Liam doing?" David asked, ignoring Mary's comment. He was only seventeen, which she would find even harder to swallow.
"I've only seen two people perform like he's doing. He's got three videos left, but even if he got all of them wrong, he would be identified as a Super Recogniser."
When Liam finished, Mary printed off the results, and showed them to Luke and David. "Liam, you got all but one right. So far only one person has got that one, but they got a few different ones wrong. Therefore, you are tied in first place with two others."
Luke shrugged. "I'm not in a competition. It's good to know I'm not unique with the skill. Thank you for helping me today."
She gave a small smile in response. "It's a new area of research, so thank you for your help today. When you are older, if you want to come back to aid this research, I'm sure they would be more than glad to have your help. Peter, if you want to clean up."
Luke looked a bit puzzled as David pulled a USB stick out of his pocket. After validating that the data hadn't been copied to the network, he purged the hard drive that overrode the data several times. Finally, once finished, he took out a screwdriver, removed the hard drive and put it into his rucksack.
"That was a bit extreme," said Luke as they wandered away from Alexandra House. "Was taking the hard drive your idea?"
"No. It was part of the agreement in having you taking part in their research. They could have the anonymised results, but no raw data. Removing the raw data was what they agreed to for you to take part. I was just a bonus."
"So, where are we going?"
"That building there is The British Museum. No time today to visit it. We are just strolling past some sights. We'll go down Oxford Street, through Marble Arch, across Hyde Park. There is a café there we can have lunch. Afterwards, we can go visit Harrods before heading home. Unless there is something you want to see?"
"I'm not really interested in Harrods. Could we go via Parliament?"
"Sure. We can walk from there to Embankment tube station and get it back to Euston. How does that sound?"
Luke shrugged. "I'm in your hands. I've never done London before."
"We are just skimming it today. There will be other times where it will be you and Tina. She's never done London either, so I don't want to spoil things too much so you can discover things together. Today is just a highlight so you are more comfortable when you come next time."
"It sounds like you are planning my life." It was an observation, not a complaint.
"Not really. You probably have noticed, that as you get older, there is more leeway at the weekends. London isn't far, and there is a lot more to do than in Milton Keynes or Luton."
The walk through the unlit Christmas lights on Oxford Street was a major distraction. The switch on had been done two days earlier by Jim Carrey.
"I know we went up to see the Blackpool Illuminations a few years ago," said Luke. "Have you ever been down to see the London ones?"
"No, and if we did go into London on a Saturday, we would have to head back before they switched them on in the late afternoon. We're doing something around Bonfire Night this year, so it isn't something I expect will occur. Perhaps you could ask Mr Hobson if they plan to do it next year?"
Luke gave David a doubtful look.
"Are you still nervous around him?" enquired David.
"A bit. I mean, he seems okay to talk to, but he is the headmaster and I've seen how he can be-" Luke tailed off, not able to say more.
"You mean what happened between Ryan and Robert? That was eighteen months ago when you were in year one. They were chasing each other and went onto the main driveway. A car being driven by Keith Thompson was coming up and Ryan ran in front of the car. I'm not surprised Keith was furious with them as they could have been knocked down if he hadn't taken emergency action."
"Tina and I were there when they were called into Mr Hobson's office. He never once raised his voice or threatened them. Yet when he'd finished talking to them -" he shuddered.
David didn't say anything, as he knew Luke had more to say. "It was the visit the following day. It wasn't just them, but all of us. We went to the Bedfordshire police training centre where the traffic cops train. Seeing the consequence of accidents and talking to some of the police who are often first on the scene-". Luke tailed off again and then quietly. "It wasn't nice."
"It wasn't meant to be nice. Mr Hobson seems to work by trying to show the consequences of actions. It didn't stop you playing, but you thought more about where to do so. So why does that make you nervous about seeing Mr Hobson? You've had plenty of interaction with him since?"
"Sure, but he always seems so distant, it's hard to relate."
"His job is to make sure the school is run well, and we are all safe. Step back and look at how he works and not just what he does."
"You're just like him, so cryptic."
"Not really, I just don't want to influence you. I've just pointing something out. Only you can judge and make up your own mind."
When they reached Hyde Park, they passed Speaker Corner which David pointed out to Luke. As they went towards The Serpentine, they saw an area cordoned off by police tape. There were several police officers patrolling, making sure that nobody entered the closed off area.
"I wonder what's going on?" wondered Luke aloud, as they continued along the still open section.
"A murder," remarked someone who was watching at the cordon. "I'd heard that the body had been drained of blood."
"Sounds like a vampire," laughed David.
Luke joined in. "If they existed, draining the blood would be just their M.O."
This led to a discussion on vampire films while they walked to the café next to the Lido.
Luke was quiet as he slowly ate his sandwich. David watched wondering what was going through his mind. Luke hadn't looked at him, but just stared out at the swans swimming gracefully along the serpentine, not flustered by the police activity on the opposite bank.
After ten minutes of silence, David decided to find out. "What's up?"
"Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why was I chosen for the school? Why was I chosen for the other thing? Was it because of my sister?"
"No, it was nothing to do with your sister. Some children are earmarked and pegged to join the school. I didn't find out until later that I'd been trained for a few years before the entrance exams. They knew a lot about me before I took them, and a lot more once I had. You on the other hand weren't pegged."
"So, she didn't put in a good word?"
"It doesn't work like that. The tests are done, and whoever the school seems to be able to help are put into a pot. Then matching is done to see who would be best together as study partners. You can imagine there are more than ten pupils who the school could help. When I started the other years had eight pupils. My year was the first with ten. It started with eight and two joined because the school became the best option."
There was more to it than that, but David knew that describing what had happened to Anna and Jill wasn't his place.
"So, why did you do a concert at my school if it wasn't for me? We've never done a concert like that since I've joined."
"There was someone at your school that was 'pegged'. They played an instrument but were thinking of giving it up. By playing at your school, it was hoped they would continue to play."
"Who?"
David wanted to close his eyes, but knew he needed to see Luke's reaction. He said quietly, "Sarah Smith."
Luke's eyes opened wide in horror, "Oh. She was murdered walking home from an after-school violin practice. Will Sanchez."
William Sanchez had killed six school children. Sarah Smith was his fifth victim. The attacks had been in the news for weeks as he went on his killing spree. His habit of tearing the limbs off, led the press the name him the 'School Child Ripper'.
"If we hadn't gone up, would she have stayed playing the violin? If she hadn't, would she have been saved? Would someone else have been murdered instead?"
"The press said there was pictures of her at Sanchez's house. She seemed to be someone he obsessed over. Therefore, her playing would probably have made no difference."
"Psychohistory isn't a perfected science," David muttered.
"Asimov?"
David nodded.
"You do know that someone labelled a way of looking at history as Psychohistory?" informed Luke. "Not maths, but I suppose they wanted a catchy name."
With lunch over, they walked out of Hyde Park and down Constitutional Hill.
"How can I have ended up at Hayfield playing with such a great orchestra? I'm just a kid from a poor neighbourhood."
"If that's what you think, then that's all you'll ever be!"
"Huh?"
"It's a quote from The Last Starfighter."
"I've never seen it."
"Well, I suppose I never saw it until I was in year one. It's the story of a boy who lives in a trailer park in the middle of nowhere. He plays an arcade game and wins which gets him recruited as a Starfighter on an alien planet. Someone from nowhere ends up saving thousands of worlds."
"Yeah, but that's just a film."
"Sure. Okay, take Mozart. Five of his elder siblings died while infants. So, for him to survive wasn't easy. By the age of five he composed his first pieces. He was nine when he composed his first symphony."
"But am I defective because I remember faces?"
"Am I defective because I don't know if I'm a girl or a boy? Are some of the people at the school defective because they aren't in heterosexual relationships? Are some defective because their brains don't match their souls? I tend to think that different is good. It keeps humanity from stagnating and moves us forward."
Luke gave a small chuckle. It wasn't bitter, but really was one that he was facing up to things. "We certainly are different."
A New Style of Education - Year Five
by Karen Page
Part 5
picture created using DALL-E
"A quick quiz," called out Mr Hobson as we finished our breakfast. The room fell silent to hear what he had to say. "This is to see how much you know about the history of the Gunpowder Plot. I will ask each year a question. You can all confer. One of the years leaders for that year should call out the answer."
This was a bit different. Mr Hobson was known for mixing things up and keeping the students on their toes, but a quiz at 8am wasn't at all usual.
"Starting with year zero. What was the name of the person caught guarding the gunpowder?"
Not much conferring was required before the answer "Guy Fawkes."
"Excellent. Well done. Year one. What year did the treason event occur?"
A bit of conferring before "1605".
"On to year two. What was the aim of the Gunpowder Plot?"
They thought this was easy, and soon announced, "Blow up the House of Lords during the state opening of Parliament, killing the King."
"Half a point. You can do better than that. What was the next part of the plot, after killing the King?"
There was fumbling of phones as they quickly and surreptitiously looked it up. Eventually the response came, "Install his daughter, who was only nine, as Queen and set England back to being a catholic state."
"A more complete answer. Well done."
The questions went right up the years, and gradually got more difficult. The answers required more explanation and understanding. He'd waited until we'd finished eating before quizzing them. Keeping a room of children from their food wasn't wise.
"Well done on that impromptu quiz. Now, for years three, four and five, today's lessons aren't taking place. We have something different. It's something we've never done before, so if there are some teething issues, then please bear with us. You are going to be divided into two teams. You and your study partner will be in opposing teams. You will get an update on your phone shortly explaining which room you should go to. The staff that are in the room are there to advise on the running of the game and make sure you are okay. They aren't there to tell you what move to make. Also, two of the support staff will be in each room. They are there to make sure you are okay. At times it might be stressful and sometimes it might get upsetting. I hope not, but if you do need them, they are there. One final point. David and Helen will not be leaders in this endeavour."
He sat down, and the pupils glanced around at each other, wondering what they were going to be doing. The warning didn't sit well with them. And at a time where they might be stressed, they wouldn't be with the one they always turned to, their study partner. There were some mutterings in the lower years, upset that they were missing out on something, but that was soothed over by the support staff.
"I'm in Language Room 1," stated David, when he got his update. "I suppose it is one of the largest teaching rooms."
"I'm in the ballroom," stated Helen. "So, we're on different floors and therefore won't run into each other at toilet breaks."
Not being a leader sounded good to David, but he didn't understand why until he got to the room. Mr Yates was there and took David to one side away from the other pupils streaming in.
"Mr Hobson asked me to mention that you shouldn't take a leadership role. You and Helen will move things in a direction that won't give the desired result. He doesn't want you to keep it sane."
"Okay," agreed David looking around. "I won't disrupt the plan. Whatever it is." There were big screens around the edge of the room, and the tables had been laid out in a big horseshoe style. The seats were being occupied and David quickly went to nab a seat next to Jill.
"Here is the background," announced Mr Yates, standing at the open area of the horseshoe. "You are India. The other team are Pakistan. There is a region called Kashmir which is contested, and two wars have been fought over control. The area was split into Indian Administered and Pakistan Administered regions. Both India and Pakistan are nuclear powers. The border between the two regions is referred to as the Line of Control.
"Now the scenario. A rare mineral has been found in Kashmir which just happens to straddle the Line of Control. The concern that India have is that Pakistan will use this mineral to enhance their weapons. This resource was found by an Australian mining company and both India and Pakistan have claimed it belongs to them. Claims have been made in the media stressing this fact.
"Your goals are as follows. Get your hands on this resource before the other side do. If you don't, they might be able to threaten you with a better weapon and the population will think you are a failure."
He took out his phone and clicked on something, lighting up the screens. There was a map of the area on one. A value showing popularity within India, and the popularity in Pakistan of the opposing side. Next to it was figures showing a diplomatic figure showing how the two countries were doing with the rest of the world. Number of different militaries were on a different screen and another showing positions on a map.
"You have thirty minutes to get acquainted with the information. More information will be on the internal systems. You then have fifteen minutes to make your first move. Oh, and you won't be able to communicate with the other team, so don't even try. Every attempt will result in points deducted."
Mr Yates stepped away and after a few seconds silence, excited chatter broke out as the situation was being discussed. David watched as chaos took hold. He overheard some promising ideas, but everyone was talking but nobody was listening. There was no coordination.
After five minutes of this, David was about to get up and try to bring some order. However, one of the year four leaders, Molly, got up and stood at the front. She made a piercing whistle using her fingers in her mouth.
Silence took hold and they looked at Molly, who was stood there with a look of disappointment. "We are the top three years of the school and supposed to be highly educated. Yet I'm not seeing any discipline, coordination and certainly no planning. So, I'm going to give some advice and then step back. First elect someone who is going to lead. Be Prime Minister for India. Then decide how you are going to tackle this task. I heard some fabulous ideas, but nobody was listening."
"So how do we do this?" asked Brian.
David sighed and decided to add to the discussion. "The voting software is segmented, so Mr Hobson probably thought we would use that. Three rounds of voting each lasting two minutes. First round, vote for whoever you want, remember it can't be me. If nobody gets 50%, then the top five go to the second round. If nobody has more than 50% of the vote, we go to the last round which will be the top two."
"What if you don't want to be nominated?" asked Ryan in year three.
"Then make sure people know for round two. Or take it as an opportunity to shine. I never wanted to be a year leader, but others in my year thought Helen and I would do a good job together. There have been some tough times, but I've learnt from them. Which is why we are at school; to learn."
The vote was cast, and many others must have thought Ryan should have that opportunity, as he got more than 80% of the vote in the first round.
"Really?!" complained Ryan.
"Do you take the challenge?" enquired Molly.
Ryan was silent for a few moments, but then replied with a mischievous voice. "I'll give it a go. But I want three main advisors. I'm not going to do this alone."
Posturing, demands and counter demands covered the first few hours, but neither side gave ground. The reports on how the population felt, and opposition leaders telling us how badly we were doing, encouraged the teams to start moving the military units more aggressively.
"Your forces are facing stiff resistance," came the report when India tried to take the area covering the mineral.
More troops were brought in, and a big conventional weapons skirmish started.
"Cry 'Havoc!', and let slip the dogs of war," called Ryan with gusto.
The words "Simulation Paused" came up on the timer screen. On one of the other screens the words showed "Bonus Phrase".
"You've hit a bonus phrase," said Mr Yates, appearing from the side. "You get ten points for that. The simulation is paused for both teams. They get the same follow up question that you have, they just don't get the ten points for saying this Bonus Phrase. There are four others yet to be found. The answer for the bonus question must come from the leader, thought he can confer. For another ten points, where was the phrase originally used. Ten points for a correct answer, ten deducted for a wrong answer or zero for a pass."
"Star Trek. The Undiscovered Country." Ryan said without conferring. He was an avid Star Trek fan.
Brian face palmed when he heard that. He couldn't believe someone would go straight for the answer when they had the opportunity to confer. And to make such a rooky mistake too.
"That's ten points deducted," Mr Yates announced. "Brian, you seem to know. What's the answer?"
"Shakespeare's play, Julius Caesar. Act 3, scene 1."
"Correct."
"Sorry," Ryan called out, sounding rather sheepish.
Mr Yates looked at an update on his phone. "It seems that Pakistan also got it wrong. Once more unto the breach, dear friends."
"Henry V. Act 3, scene 1," muttered Brian as the game timer restarted.
"How do you know so much Shakespeare?" Clair asked.
"I find them comforting," Brian responded. "They might have been written over 400 years ago, but they still say a lot about people. And where we might have progressed, there still is so much that hasn't. It's also good to quote Shakespeare; it makes you sound really intelligent."
That last comment got a good laugh and broke the rather tense atmosphere as our movements took place.
Our update arrived.
"Your reinforcements appear to be holding, but casualties are high. Opposition leaders are asking if the government don't care about the lives of our soldiers."
"There is still good support from the people," John pointed out, looking at the graphs on monitor. "Though it looks like there is major protests in Pakistan."
"Breaking news," came up on one of the large screens. We all laughed to see an actual BBC news reporter with a backdrop of Islamabad. "Reports are coming in that Indian troops have been instructed by Prime Minister Ryan Donald to pillage and loot the Pakistan villages they've taken over. A spokesman for Pakistan Prime Minister Julian James stated this was more expected from colonial times and revenge should be expected."
"They mentioned the two teams," laughed Clair. "How did they get a BBC reporter to take part?"
Mr Yates shrugged, "I've no idea, but it certainly added a bit to the game."
"But I didn't order looting," complained Wayne.
"Yes, you did," retorted Brian. "Cry Havok. That is an old military term for rape, plunder and pillage. Dogs of war refer to the soldiers."
Ryan looked a bit shocked. "I didn't mean-". He broke off. "I'll have to be more careful what I say. Seems flippant words can be misinterpreted."
David sat back and watched with amazement. That single report had changed the mindset in the room. It was no longer just a game. The talk changed from winning a game, to protecting the citizens and getting the mineral.
Over the next three turns in a ninety-minute period, India managed to cement their hold and encroach further into Pakistan controlled territory to set up a buffer zone. It then started to unfold. A siren went off. "Nuclear launch detected."
The sound of gasps filled the room.
"How many?" asked Ryan, knowing others would have that page open.
"Five at the moment. Two are heading towards Ludhiana. Two are heading towards Delhi. One is heading for Amritsar. Fighters have already been scrambled for any air dropped bombs."
"Let's nuke their main cities," someone cried out. "Destroy them so they can never hit us again." This was met with a chorus of approval.
"Hang on," spoke up Jill, standing up to get attention. "They've only sent five. It's more of an attempted show of strength, rather than anything too serious. It just makes them look weak. They only sent five and not the fifty we know they do have. India is well spaced. They must know that retaliation will be a lot worse for them than it is for us. Their ballistic missile technology is old. We should be able to try and shoot them down. If one gets through, then retaliate. They aren't even aiming for our missile siloes, so there is no rush for retaliation. Also, if we do, we don't know who else will try to get involved."
There was stillness for a few seconds before the chant of "nuke them" returned.
"I don't know," started Ryan, before tailing off.
"Don't be a wuss," someone called out.
"They deserve it. Wipe them all out."
David was incensed at the name calling. He got to stand up but felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked back to see Mr Yates shaking his head.
Jill was right. What started as a disagreement between two states suddenly started pulling in other players. And then America, Russia and China started throwing missiles. Once one went up, there was no time for proper discussions and governments reacted out of panic. The pupils watched in horror as maps showed missile hit after missile hit. Screens that showed injured/killed between just two states were now showing millions dead in India, and many hundreds of millions killed across Europe/America and Asia.
The boisterousness was gone. The room was deathly silent as the horror didn't stop and the death count kept growing. A few were crying. At least one retched and disappeared out to the toilets. After a few minutes, the screens went blank. The shock of what had happened still resonated, and the room was silent. Nobody moved.
Eventually, the subdued voice of Mr Yates said gently. "Please make your way to the cinema where you will join the other group. Mr Hobson wants a few words regarding this simulation."
In the cinema, David and Helen sat down in their usual place. Hand in hand quietly conferring about what had occurred on each side. They kept giving each other's hands gentle strokes with their fingers.
"No wonder we weren't allowed to be leaders," said Helen quietly to David. "We'd did those simulations as part of our Beta training. Would we have let it get like that?"
"Who knows," David responded. "I hope not. However, Mr Hobson was right. If we had taken part, it might have stopped the outcome he obviously wanted."
"Thank you for taking part in that workshop," Mr Hobson said subduedly from the front. "Before we pick things apart, I'd like you to reflect on what has happened and the choices you made. On your tablet, open up the workshop app, and there should be a new segment to do with this review. In there, you will be prompted to put in three things you think the team did well, what you individually did well, and then what you think you and the team did badly."
After a few minutes, the review closed, and a few phrases flashed onto the screen behind him. The larger the text, the more people had said the same thing.
"I'm glad to see you are being honest about it your successes and failures. Nobody is perfect, and we set the task to be stressful. One thing that came out was most of you fell into the mob mindset. Even when one person warned against the most destructive actions, they were drowned out and not considered. Things like negotiation skills, will be something new for all years, and if we get chance have some interesting lessons for all the school in the New Year.
"Tina, you have your hand raised?"
"Were you aiming for something like the Zimbardo Prison Experiment?"
Mr Hobson looked blank, but Dr Ruiz, who was stood next to him certainly knew what Tina was referring to. So did most of the other psychiatrists who were stood at the front. Some of them looked extremely upset.
"No," said Rachel Ruiz, her voice sounding strained. "It wasn't anything like that. For those who are wondering what Tina was referring to, there was an experiment in the early 1970's. A fake prison was constructed in the basement of Stanford University in America. Twelve psychiatry students were selected at random to be prisoners and twelve as jailers. The aim was to see how subjects, even though they knew it was an experiment, would react. The experiment was halted after six days when the guards were getting abusive to the prisoners, and the prisoners were getting signs of depression, and anxiety. The reviews since have been very scathing of it."
"Wow," uttered Mr Hobson. "Today wasn't an experiment of any kind. It was a start of a series of lessons on group skills, co-ordination, listening, and strategy. You listened to "the mob". We don't live in a democracy; we live in a parliamentary democracy. As citizens we hand power to politicians to make choices on our behalf. We don't always think they make the right decisions, but some things, such as protection of minorities might not occur without them."
"Hopefully you will get a lot out of the upcoming lessons, and none will be as stressful as today. In that vein, each of you will be getting a meeting invite from your support person to go over today's lesson. Some will be today, the rest tomorrow. Finally, one bit of homework for you. One of the comments was to destroy the other side, so they could never hit them again. I'd like you to read two books. Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card and Eon by Greg Bear. A note will go out to you with those titles."
"Before you go, Helen wants a word with you."
The adults left, leaving just the pupils. Helen got up and made her way to the front.
"That wasn't a nice lesson," she stated. "However, what's upset me most was a few resorted to name calling. I know the workshop was designed to be immersive, but we are the upper half of the school. I'm not going to single out those who did it, but hopefully you will reflect on what you did. The support staff also noticed, so perhaps they should think up some type of penance before they think up something for you."
"I've just read up about Eon. It sounds so outdated," said Lewis, to David as they walked out. "Russia starting a war? Surely that is something in the past."
* * *
Armistice Day; the eleventh day of the eleventh month. This was the day that marked the anniversary when the guns fell silent at the end of World War One. A horrific war where hundreds of thousands of people had died. The concert tonight was a fitting tribute, with music reflecting the horrors of war, and pieces of reflection. It was also the first concert that Zoe would conduct one of the pieces.
Jayne smiled, remembering her first concert at this school, as Mavis Brown had been seated in the same position four years ago. The only thing she could think that was different was the music being played and her age. She was four years older, and her eyes had been opened to a world that she'd previously known nothing about.
The applause from the concert was still in their ears as the orchestra exited the hall. As Jayne went into the wings, she saw Mr Hobson talking with Luke and was beckoned across.
"Ah, Jayne, I was thinking it would be nice if you mingled with our guests. Would you mind Luke accompanying you?"
"Not at all."
Helen went past and mouthed 'Have fun'. She would be making sure the after-concert party went well.
Luke looked rather nervous as Jayne led him towards the guest reception. This didn't go unnoticed to Jayne who stopped. "You look like you're going to throw up. What are you worried about?"
"I've never been to something where everyone is so dressed up. We don't normally meet the guests at a concert."
"There is always a first for everything. You know the school would never put you through something they didn't think you could cope with. I remember four years ago being in the same position as you. I had the added complication of not being in my birth gender and had only been like that a few weeks."
Luke's eyes opened wider. "You were David for the concert?"
Jayne almost laughed out loud. "No Luke, I was born as David."
"Sorry," Luke uttered, looking totally mortified. "I gave up trying to guess after about a week at school. I found it didn't really matter and it just caused Tina to get anxious."
In a normal setting, not knowing someone's birth gender would seem a bit strange. However, at Hayfield they were all so expert at displaying as either gender, the lines often blurred. Jayne never hid who she was, but it wasn't something she advertised.
"It's okay. I take it you assumed that because even when I'm David, I seem a bit on the girly side?"
Luke didn't respond. "Don't sweat it. It took me a long time to understand who I was, and much longer to understand the way others saw me wasn't an issue. I prefer to be David but have long ago realised that unless I make a big effort, everyone will see me as Jayne."
"So why have you been Jayne the last few days if you prefer being David?"
"Because there is someone here tonight that only knows me as Jayne. The concert was arranged so this person could come to the school in an unobtrusive way."
"I take it we won't just be talking with this person."
"No, we will be mingling. I'm sure some people will want to ask about the school and the orchestra."
"Are they in the know?"
"What do you think?"
"Probably not."
"There is one person who I saw in the audience which does know, but we will not say anything different as it might be overheard. Now, are you ready to do this?"
Luke took a deep breath and said, "Let's do it, before I chicken out."
"That's the spirit."
Luke was still nervous when they got to the reception, but that was fine. They mingled with several people before they came across their target. Luke soon got into the swing of small talk.
"Ah, a face I've seen at the concerts before," Jayne said, as she approached Mavis Brown. "Ms Brown, wasn't it?"
"Have we met before?" she enquired, her eyebrows showing a tiny indication she was puzzled.
"Four years ago. If I remember right, you were the person who found the seat lumpy. I was one of the soloists in that concert and we met after."
"Gosh, haven't you grown up," she smiled. "Yes, that was me. I take it the person you were with at the reception has left now."
"Yes, but that's what happens at schools. I hope the seat was more comfortable this time."
"A little, though I still got a bit fidgety at one time, but so did the person next to me. I must say that it was nice to see the students doing the conducting. It seemed fitting to have a school orchestra being conducted that way."
"Gosh, has it been that long since you last came here?" Jayne uttered in pretend horror. "We've had Lewis conducting for years now."
"And Zoe did a great job in her first performance," added Luke.
"That was her first?" asked Mavis, sounding genuinely surprised. "You've got to be kidding, she was like a pro."
"I'll tell her," Luke smiled. "I'm sure she will be happy to hear it."
"Oh, please do," Mavis gushed. "And the last piece. It just went straight to my soul."
The conversation eventually died, and they moved on to mingle with others. It made little sense to them that nothing had been passed on, but they concluded the information was probably given to someone else.
Eventually they came across the other person Jayne wanted to talk to.
"Ah, Jayne," Yvonne Taylor greeted. "It is great to see you again." She turned and said, "And you must be Luke. It's wonderful to meet you at last."
Luke kept his face straight even though he was surprised at someone knowing who he was. "It is a pleasure to meet you ma'am." He looked at Jayne, as if to ask to be introduced, but Jayne just shook her head.
"I'd like you both to meet my daughter. This is the first time she's had the opportunity to accompany me to a Hayfield concert."
"It was wonderful," said the young woman, obviously at ease in the rather expensive gown she was wearing. "Thank you for making our evening. Today is always a sober day for us both and your music was a perfect way to remember-" she trailed off.
"Your other parent?" suggested Yvonne.
Yvonne's daughter looked around nervously. Jayne leaned across and said quietly to the girl, "Your mum has a lot to tell you about the school, but if I understand correctly, then never worry here." The girl looked even more puzzled. Even more quietly, Jayne whispered, "Our secret, but I was born David."
The young woman looked shocked. Jayne stood back and put an index finger to her lips.
"Any news?" enquired Yvonne.
"No, but the night is still young."
"Not that young," frowned Yvonne. The room wasn't as full as when they'd started chatting and they watched as Mavis headed out of the reception area, obviously going home. "Oh well, I suppose we better be heading home too."
"It was nice meeting you," said Luke and watched them leave.
"Well done, Luke," Jayne praised, as she and Luke headed through the door away from the reception. "For a first time with people like that, you did very well."
"Dare I ask who that lady was?"
"She was the chair of governors. As you might have gathered, she knows what goes on at the school including the Alpha and Beta team. I've only met her a few times myself. I've never met her daughter before and have no idea what she's called. Now, are you ready for a bit more eye opening?"
"How much of this can I share with Tina?"
"All. Remember, no secrets. However, I'm sure you are aware that you can't share this with anybody else."
"Of course. So where are we going?"
"All in good time," Jayne laughed.
It wasn't long before they were at Mr Hobson's office and being ushered in. Mr Hobson wasn't alone but had Mr Taylor with him.
When all were seated, Mr Taylor eagerly asked, "And?"
"Nothing," Jayne responded, having expected him to have the information. "I take it you didn't get anything?"
"No. We thought she might have left something for us, but we haven't found anything. We even searched her seat. Are you sure she didn't say something? Perhaps drop a hint?"
Replaying the conversation in her mind, Jayne tried to find anything she'd missed. "No. Something doesn't seem right with what she said, but I can't place any clue. What about you, Luke?"
"Nothing comes to mind," Luke said instantly.
"All very strange," frowned Mr Taylor. It wasn't the situation he'd been expecting. "Okay, thank you both for your work this evening. If you do think of something, then please let Mr Hobson know."
That was enough of a dismissal for the two pupils, who rose and quickly left the room.
"I'm sorry," apologised Luke. "I don't seem to have been any help."
"Hey, I wasn't really much good in my first year as a Beta, and tonight I've done no better than you. The school takes opportunities for students to grow. You'd never had a chance to mix like that before, so now was an excellent opportunity. I remember some of my first times with fond memories."
"But why me and not Tina?"
"Pass. Mr Hobson might have seen you first. He might have thought you were more smartly dressed or maybe it was something else. I doubt you feel brave enough to ask him."
"No way," shuddered Luke.
"Nor me. Now, let's go and find Helen and Tina."
* **
Jayne decided it would be nice for Helen to have Jayne around for a bit longer, and so it was the feminine form that went to bed that night. However, sleep was elusive. Jayne couldn't get the evening out of her mind and kept moving around the bed.
"Tell me again your conversation with Mavis," demanded Helen.
Jayne felt guilty that her restlessness was keeping Helen awake. Frustration surged through her as she repeated the conversation. She thought there must have been some hint in there, but she wasn't seeing it.
"And they searched the seat Mavis sat on?"
"Yes, it was one of the first places checked."
"What about the seat next to her? You mentioned Mavis saying her neighbours also found things lumpy."
"But none of them were connected to Mavis."
"No, but it might have been a hint that she'd put it there."
It was way past curfew. They donned their dressing gowns and crept into the main building. Helen had been insistent they check now, because if it was there, Jayne might go to sleep. It wasn't the first time they'd broken curfew and knew the potential consequences if caught.
The hall was dark, with the bulbs from the emergency lights giving off strange red dots on the ceiling. The phones at maximum brightness let them see roughly where they were going.
After a few moments searching, Helen found what they were looking for. A USB flash drive was stuck to the inside edge of the chair with a large blob of blue tack. It was too early in the morning to let Mr Hobson know, so Helen and Jayne made their way quietly back to their bedroom.
"Shouldn't you be in bed?" Mr Hobson queried, making them both jump.
"Yes, sir." It had been a few years since either of them had been in serious trouble and they started conjuring up thoughts of all sorts of punishments.
"Did you find it?"
That wasn't what either of the two pupils expected Mr Hobson to say. He didn't seem upset. Jayne reluctantly pulled out the flash drive out of her pocket and showed it. She'd been hoping for a little peak at the contents.
"That's excellent news," smiled Mr Hobson, making no attempt to take it. "I'm sure you'll bring it down to me in the morning. Obviously, it was too late for you to ring me at this awful hour and anyway, you aren't really out of bed, are you? I'm sure you will make a good show at finding it first thing in the morning." Then with a smile, he wished the two pupils pleasant dreams before ambling off.
Helen and Jaye looked at each other in bewilderment. Sometimes Mr Hobson made no sense at all. Not wanting to be caught by anybody else, they quickly scarpered back to their bedroom.
"Come on Jayne," grumbled Helen, who was quickly back in bed.
"I'll just be a minute."
"What are you doing?"
"Just sorting something out."
"You're looking at the flash drive," Helen accused.
Jayne was so engrossed with the contents, that she didn't respond. Helen's arms being placed around her gave her a small shock, and she yelped.
"So?"
"Have a read yourself. My computer is hooked into the secure network. I'm going to the toilet."
Helen was a much quicker reader, so by the time Jayne was back in the room, she'd read enough.
"This can't be true," Helen insisted, looking shocked.
"Even if only half is true then this country is in big trouble. I'm sure that Mr Taylor will get it verified. If it is true, then I'm sure we might be seeing one of the other schools doing a concert here in England."
* * *
Oversees concerts or events weren't thrown together overnight. Whichever school did visit the UK, they wouldn't stay at Hayfield. If something did go wrong, they wouldn't want Hayfield being associated with anything happening on UK soil. The only time that nearly did occur in the UK, was a big enough scare to make the rule a compulsory one for all SPA schools worldwide. Keeping an eye on the other schools David eventually spotted the trip. A sister school in Italy were given a chance to show their pieces of art at a special showing in London. Sitting in the street painting was also a good way to watch movements in and out of buildings without attracting the wrong attention.
David knew that while the Italian school was here, there would be no call. If something did go wrong, the Hayfields Alpha team wasn't the first to assist in person, but the Italian Beta team would be. Even so, he carried his Beta phone with him each of the days the Italians were on UK soil. Nothing was mentioned and he was quite relieved to spot that they'd arrive safely back in Italy.