Saturday morning, Florham Park, New Jersey, mid May, 2014 (not Naboo)…
Two girls sat on the old two-seat glider on the cement patio. Mika strummed the Martin guitar and sang the old Clapton tune she and her dad had been working on while Sandy halfheartedly sketched the outfit she was going to wear at the Con; incentive having gone out the window since her break-up with Tiffany. No longer a Naboo Queen and Bodyguard pair since she was now officially single; teenage angst combined with ‘the’ other thing that left her filled depressed and fearful.
The view of the school was barely obscured behind the sparse row of trees that bordered the yard. It left Sandy feeling only half-safe since anyone could still step over the small ditch that paralleled the trees. Mika laid her Martin across the resin table next to the glider and turned to Sandy.
“You think Tiff would ‘ve cared?” Mika asked with a half-smile. Sandy shook her head only slightly; her half frown a mirror image of Mika’s face. She put the bookmark in her paperback and laid it in the glider; ‘Uninvited,’ ironically.
“Maybe? No? Oh, fuck…I don’t know?” She wiped some left-over sleep from under her right eye and looked away. Mika touched her best friend’s arms; a gesture meant for solace that evoked a sad gasp instead.
“But even if she wouldn’t care, everybody she hangs out with… they’d care…oh fuck, Mika. I wish we never moved here.” She winced in embarrassment, but Mika smiled.
“If it meant you’d always be okay? So would I, Sands... so would I.” She pulled the girl into a hug; only wanting to comfort but Sandy turned around and their lips met.
After a few moments, they pulled apart; the faces etched with equal portions of shame and bliss. Sandy jumped off the glider but her escape was foiled when she tripped over a crack in the old patio; sending her sprawling. She looked up into pleading eyes; feeling confused over what those eyes hoped for. Mika nodded but spoke.
“If you…. I’m sorry and I’ll just go home. Fuck Sands… I’m so sorry.” Mika began to tear up; her hands already raised to protect her own retreat, Sandy stood up and pushed Mika’s arms aside; embracing the girl tentatively. Both girls nodded as if their expressions spoke in harmony,
“uh….friends.”
If I could be queen, even for a day
I'd take you as my queen, I'd have it no other way
And our love will rule, in this kingdom we have made
Till then I'd be a fool, wishin' for the day
Ridgedale Middle School, the following Tuesday…(still not Naboo)
Three girls stood side-by-side in the wide hallway. They mostly ignored the kids passing by, but stepped in front of Sandy; blocking the way.
“What the fuck, Sands?” Tiffany’s face was a sad mixture of grief and rage. She pushed Sandy up against the locker catty-corner to their classroom. Her two friends stepped close; their own expressions betrayed unspoken threats. Tiffany turned and shook her head. She started to walk away, but turned to face Sandy once again.
“I….. you should have told me…. You should have told me!!!” she shouted before running down the hall. Sandy waved weakly as tears spilled off her cheek onto the tiles below. Mika rubbed her arm, but Sandy pulled away. She pointed to a hastily drawn poster over her locker.
“Sandy Richmond is a boy!”
Sandy shook her head. Whatever had happily begun with Tiffany had already ended; first on peaceable if frenemy terms. But now, both were betrayed by a cruel fate. Mika went to grab Sandy’s arm, but the girl shook it off. Two moves since she was twelve; each ending in disaster as truth trumped beauty and wisdom and hope. Sandy’s expression mirrored her silence; hopeless, helpless, and now loveless once again. Teens might have tons of crushes, as someone once said, and boyfriends and girlfriends might always seem temporary. But for Sandy Richmond, only a father and a mother might ever love her.
“No….. Sandy?” Mika pled. Sandy opened her arms wide as if to plead as well, but not on her own behalf.
“No bullying and hate in the Richmond Middle Homeschool…. And Daddy’s job…. Well, he’s in Stuttgart, so I guess I can try out my German….. “ her voice trailed off to a murmur, and Mika went to hold her; fuck them all, she thought. Sandy pushed her away as she literally pried Mika’s hands from her arms.
“Guten Tag… Ich heiss Sandra Richmond. Ich hasse mich!”
Mika knew enough that she shook her head at Sandy’s self-hatred. Sandy nodded as both girls wept; drawing the attention of the kids still walking in the hall. Some laughed and some were silent and no one …. at least no one at that single moment in time… gave a fuck about the pain being played out like a bad episode of True Blood. Sandy bit her lip and finished.
“Ja. Ich Hasse mich. Und???? Ich wünschte Ich wäre tot!” To punctuate it, she smiled even as the tears continued to cascade.
“Oh… sorry….. I forgot….. What was I thinking? Yes. I hate myself! I fucking hate myself. And I wish I was dead.” She went to walk away, but Mika grabbed her once again. Sandy pushed her away and ran down the hall and out the exit. Mika stood in the hallway; shaking. She found herself alone as most of the kids had gone to class, leaving a few stragglers. Two boys on one side and another in the alcove of the classroom door laughed. She spun around and shook her head.
“Funny, huh? Go fuck yourself!” She wiped the tears from her face and walked slowly down the hall. Whatever Sandy said, it was out of hurt and not out of determination. And despite the refusal, everything in Mika knew Sandy needed her…wanted her help. She felt a smile cross her face. She would do whatever she could to see that Sandy Richmond would somehow know love…if only Mika could change the world…..
That I can change the world
I would be the sunlight in your universe
You will think my love was really something good
Baby, if I could, change the world
Nexr - For Our People (Revised)
Change the World
Words and Music by
Tommy Sims, Gordon Kennedy, and Wayne Kirkpatrick
As Performed by
Samantha Schultz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQDefebR94c
Previously
“Oh… sorry….. I forgot….. What was I thinking? Yes. I hate myself! I fucking hate myself. And I wish I was dead.” She went to walk away, but Mika grabbed her once again. Sandy pushed her away and ran down the hall and out the exit. Mika stood in the hallway; shaking. She found herself alone as most of the kids had gone to class, leaving a few stragglers. Two boys on one side and another in the alcove of the classroom door laughed. She spun around and shook her head.
“Funny, huh? Go fuck yourself!” She wiped the tears from her face and walked slowly down the hall. Whatever Sandy said, it was out of hurt and not out of determination. And despite the refusal, everything in Mika knew Sandy needed her…wanted her help. She felt a smile cross her face. She would do whatever she could to see that Sandy Richmond would somehow know love…if only Mika could change the world…..
That evening….
Sandy stood anxiously in front of the closet; its left door slid open to reveal an array of tops, jeans, skirts and such. All in a nice assortments of bright if ordinary colors. But what gained her attention were two clear vinyl garment bags. One displayed a rather mundane hued but oddly exotic designed robe; complete with cowl. The other held a multi-colored gown; almost rainbow-like.
And above them both on the closet shelf lay a clear plastic hat box that revealed a wig/headdress combination. It had probably cost the original owner a pretty penny as her grandmother would say. But she paid only forty dollars on E-Bay. She frowned before closing the closet. Turning around, she gave one last glance at the closet doors before walking to the open laptop on the desk next to her bed…..
Several blocks away….
“No..no…not voice mail… Pick up! Pick UP!!” Mika shouted at her cell phone before walking down the hall in frustration and plea.
“Mom? I… I need to go over to Sandy’s.”
“I know, honey. After the day you two…she had? Let’s just walk over there, okay?” Anya patted her daughter on the back in sympathy before grabbing her jacket off the back of the kitchen chair. She nodded once and kissed Mika on the cheek.
“We will let her know she’s loved, okay, dziewczynka?” They hugged before walking out the back door.
Meanwhile...
„Let’s see,” Sandy said as she stared ar the blank open document.
„For My People?” Just who were her peo0ple anyway? Her Dad? Her Mom? Mika and her family and maybe Todd and Leela? But who were her people? She sighed as she began to write, imagining a mothering friend to the Queen; just like her own Mom or Mrs. Polokowski....
Theed, early afternoon…
“I hate this,” Jamillia sighed deeply and lowered her head. The older woman nodded in sympathy, but shook her head as the doors closed quietly, leaving the two alone.
“I understand how you feel, but your safety is most important; perhaps now more than ever with the threats increasing even three-fold in the last year. And you know they would do anything for you.” She half-smiled; the idea of sacrifice was not lost on Meanami, since her own sister had made the ultimate sacrifice on behalf of Jamillia's predecessor.
“I know. This is so hard. Linadme was such a sweet girl, and I miss her so. She was more than a protector or a companion; she was like a sister to me.” The thought of the death of someone dear was never far from the throne, even if it was necessary to protect the Queen. She sighed and blinked back tears.
Sandy paused. The Queen of Naboo was elected, right? A choice rather than a destiny to be claimed? Every time she closed her eyes, she tried to imagine any of the actresses she had seen in the movies; portraying young women on a faraway planet. Even in the conventions there were a few girls who dressed up as Amidala or the others, but her ‘thoughts betrayed her,’ as a line once was spoken, and the Queen’s face morphed slowly into the visage of Tiffany McKenna; her one-time girlfriend and now the one person in the world who actually hated Sandy more than Sandy did herself. She sighed…
“I’m so glad you’re here after all this time. I…I hate to say this, but I don’t want to become close to whomever we choose. I can hardly bear losing Linadme, and to get close to others, especially now after losing so many to this horror.” She stared out of the large window overlooking the valley below; a vista viewed from a place seemingly safe from harm, but more vulnerable since the people needed an easily-seen symbol. If there came an outright attack, the likelihood was that the city would barely survive if at all. And the lofty symbol of the realm would be utterly destroyed along with the monarchy.
“You said that about Linadme and Perlis before her. I know this is hard, but what makes you who you are will not allow distance and caution to separate you from the people you love, even if it means being hurt once again. You are more than a ruler, my Queen. You lead and your people love you and would follow you anywhere. You are more than a figurehead.”
It was true. Jamillia thrived as ruler because she allowed herself to be more than the Queen. Her strength came in knowing her people, and knowing her people left her heart bare and vulnerable since she could not know without coming to know those for whom she cared. To find and keep someone close for her own benefit struck her as unfair, but all of the young women who had been there for her knew that her life was precious for more than the seat of power, but for the people she ruled. And she didn’t really rule so much as guide with the patience and understanding that can only come from willing to get close enough to hurt.
Sandy stared at the words; tempted to delete the story, but something compelled her forward. She shook her head and closed her eyes; trying to put words to screen once again…
“Mommy? Why did she have to…I mean…” Tiffany held an icebag to her forehead after two plus hours of crying. Eileen McKenna turned off the bedside lamp and sat down next to her daughter.
“She was afraid, kiddo, you said it yourself. She looked?” Tiffany kept quiet and Eileen answered the question.
“Terrified. She was scared, hon. Why do you think she was scared? You’d already yelled at her and even leaned into her, but what did you say?” Eileen kept quiet this time; leaving Tiffany to draw her own conclusions.
“She….when I started to turn…it… it was worse than when we broke up.” At fourteen, breaking up might be only for a day or forever, but it was always the pain that every knows but no one ‘em>you know understands. That dread of a lifetime of loneliness projected onto a week-long drama or even a month long comedy of life. But it hurt worse than she could ever remember.
“You sound as though you’re sad for her?” Eileen said; marveling at the newness of understanding. The pronoun was now ‘wrong, ‘but still completely suited the girl who only two weeks ago was giggling over Inside Out with Tiffany and a few other girls. She? Her? What else could she call the bestest friend ever of her daughter; even if the latest revelation in the tragicomic opera of the girls played out painfully.
“I’m gonna be sick.” Tiffany jumped off the bed and ran to the bathroom; shutting the door behind her. A few minutes late she walked out and cast herself face down on the bed; sobbing. Eileen rubbed her back and said quietly,
“I know, I know.” All the while hoping that the drama of the moment would give way to her daughter’s innate decency and compassion. She may have ‘lost’ a girlfriend, but Sandy probably believed with good reason that she lost her best friend...Tiffany… forever.
She stared at the open window hovering over her story; a picture of Queen Amidala and her bodyguard with the caption “My Protector.” Like the characters on the screen, she and Tiffany had been almost visually interchangeable, and almost as much in their brief relationship. Until that afternoon, even with them breaking up, she felt Tiffany would always have her back. Now she wondered if she had to watch her back. But that was the, and this was a long time ago in a faraway place. She resumed.typing.
Elsewhere, the following day…
“You’re risking so much. I am so worried, and not just for your life,” the girl said.
“We’re the only ones who can help. If I can be of service to my Queen, then so be it. I cannot but help to want to be there for her, but more for you. We have to do this together… We, Areleni…you and me together.”
“I…I know. But what if the Queen learns your secret. She… It would not go well for either of us if she discovers the truth.”
“That’s why I intend to speak to her. If she chooses us, it will be with eyes wide open and no secrets between us and the sovereign of our planet.”
“You can’t be serious. She’ll….”
“She’ll either nod and smile and thank us for our time or she’ll nod and smile and ask us for our help.”
“You can’t know that, T…T….”
“You can say my name, dear sister. If our mother was able to accept me, surely you can as well?”
“That’s so unfair. It hurts that you’d believe that for a moment. You know I love …you…. It’s just….” She paused in thought.
“Dear sister?” Like her other daydreams, real people populated the galaxy. Mika wasn’t her sister, but she was as close to a clone as she could be. Like a twin, almost. Her sister Amanda, had she survived her tenth year, would likely be as much a twin to Mika as to her, even Mandy was born a year later than her? Was Mika some kind of Middle School reward? No… she was just a flesh and blood person of infinite worth; filled with compassion and care in her own right. Maybe Sandy was some sort of Karmic punishment for Mika and Tiffany? She sighed and began to type…
“You’re afraid that I’ll be the one…. If you say my name that means that the Queen might say my name in asking for our help, and that means one of us…maybe both will die. But that is what we were born for, Areleni…. I truly believe that destiny brought us here at this time for this purpose, since it is a purpose that has meaning and benefit for the sake of more than ourselves. Isn’t that what Mother and Father taught us? To look outside ourselves for the benefit that might be a gift to someone else? That laying down our lives; in death or in service, was not only noble but a sacred task?”
“Oh….I’m …. I’m not afraid for myself. I know the risk and I’m willing to take it. It’s just that I don’t want to lose you, my sweet….”
“You can’t say the word?”
Areleni shook her head; not in disagreement, but in acknowledgement for the anticipated consequences of their decision at that moment. She hesitated.
“Areleni? Please?” the young woman before her repeated her plea with a smile and open arms.
“My sweet sister….” Areleni put her hand to her mouth to stifle a sob; not a sad or anxious sob, but a crying gasp of realization that no matter how things would follow, life would truly be complete and whole and happy, perhaps even for them both, as she embraced Taradme. She stepped closer and hugged the girl and the two kissed on the lips as sisters sometimes do in blessing.
“Taradme, my sweet sister. In life or in death, we will do what we were created to do, and that is a good thing,” Areleni said with a relieved sigh.
She almost wanted to love Mika like a girlfriend, but something inside them both prodded them away from each other and along separate but parallel paths; as much as a tween might glean from geometry, they were moving side-by-side. She could only hope her sister would not be hurt too much by being close when the day’s events spread all over school…. Maybe even all over town?
And it was true; death might visit one or both of them before it was all over, but they had realized what their purpose was in life, and that was to protect the Queen of Naboo. They held each other close; perhaps even closer than they had been in their mother’s womb, and certainly with a new appreciation of how blessed they were to be twins and how they both bore a striking resemblance to the Queen of Naboo.
The streetlights were just beginning to flicker on when Anya and Mika walked up to Sandy’s front door. Mika feared the worst even as she knocked on the door. Nothing so tragic and drastic, but even a painful ‘go away’ would hurt them both. The door opened.
“Hi…Hi, Anya... Mika.” Lisa, Sandy’s mom opened the door slowly. She had been crying as well, but her smile indicated an oddly-out-of-place peace.
“She’s in her room. Why don’t you go see how she’s doinf while Anya and I put on some tea?” Mika nodded and walked past Lisa and down the hall. She knocked on the partially open door.
“Sands?” Her voice needed no introduction.
“Heh…hey, Mik…. C’mon in,” Sandy said in a near whisper. She tuned to face Mika and the sister act repeated itself as the twintweens, as Lisa called them, fell into a weeping hug. A few minutes later Sandy pulled away slowly and sat again at the desk; pointing to the laptop.
“I…I got more on paper,” she said as she scrolled down to display story.
The Queen’s chambers, a few days later…
A tall figure stood by the door; looking disinterested but in fact vigilant. She folded her arms and nodded at the woman sitting at the desk. Jamillia bade the girls to stand as she waved them closer.
“Yousa pay heed. Very much danger. Meesa worried about you.” Fensai smiled and used her head to point to the doorway, as if to note the perils that lay just beyond the door. The young woman smiled back.
“I know, Fensai, and I’m glad you’re keeping a weather eye out for my safety.” She laughed even as the door on the opposite end of the room opened to reveal two other young women; both dressed in identical fashion as her. She nodded and they approached; both bowing at the waist before kneeling in front of her. Following them into the room was Meanami, who placed her hands on their shoulders, ushering them gently toward the young woman at the desk.
“I am grateful for the tribute in public, dear ones, but you need not pay homage to me when we are safe and away from the eyes of the people. Here we will remain friends, yes?”
“Oh fuck, Mika… friends? Everybody hates me!” While no one might even hate her, the likely ignorance and, worse yet, indifference of her classmates threatened to push the family into yet another fleeing relocation. Mika grabbed her with both hands and pulled her to her feet. Rather than a consoling hug, Mika instead half frowned in correction; more hurt for Sandy than for herself.”
“Not everybody!” What was meant for encouragement ended up as admonishment instead, and Sandy began to cry; no worth of even Mika’s friendship in a way.
“I’m sorry… I just…. Maybe it would be better if you left…” She went to pull away, but Mika held firm.
“Fuck no!” she said with a half smile.
“You don’t get rid of me that easy. We’re stuck with each other, sis!” Mika had only used the ‘sister’ word once, and only in jest. But this time ‘sis’ struck multiple chords. The sister Mika took after; the sister/girlfriend who hated her; and the Mikasistertweentwin who was really the only person who understood Sandy…. Even after the big reveal about Sandy’s boyhood only a few years before never fazed Mika because Sandy was a girl and that was that. Sandy burst into tears; not tween angst but real dread that Mika alone would ever get her….
In the kitchen…
“It’s going to be hard… the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, but it’s what we’re left with,” Lisa gasped at the thought of how hurt her daughter already was. Anya looked away, as if she could see through the wall of the bedroom where the girls must certainly be commiserating.
“We’ll be here for you, okay?” Anya said with a half-frown; feeling incapable of fixing things but thankful that she was doing exactly what Lisa and Sandy needed at that moment; being a friend. Between the four of them they might just see goodness in the land of the living as it says somewhere after all.
Mika lay asleep on top of the covers with Sandy underneath; the girl having a fitful dream…
Somewhere not in Florham Park
Jamillia bade the girls to stand as she waved them closer. Standing up, she pulled them each into awkward hugs. It wasn’t the first time she had embraced the two; literally of course, but figuratively as she and Meanami had settled on the young women as the next in needful if nearly always imperiled servants of the Queen. She stepped back and smiled. Areleni smiled back and nodded; her chin quivering nervously. Taradme glanced over at her sister and shook her head.
“What is wrong, dear one?” Jamillia asked. Areleni lowered her head even as she began t shake.
“My sister is worried over the news we must share with our Queen.”
“News?” Jamillia tilted her head in question, even as she tried to suppress a grin. Meanami nodded and stepped closer.
“You have nothing to fear, dear child,” she said as she kissed them both, pulling them closer.
“Our Queen is perceptive, and sees much that others miss. But your secret came to her in a dream just last evening.” She nodded and Jamillia spoke.
“You …” She looked back and forth between the two.
“You are brave and my heart sings gladly over the loyalty you have shown us. And know that your secret is safe. I promise no one outside this room shall ever know.” Now it was time for Taradme to shake; her bravado was gone; replaced with humble gratitude.
Sandy looked up at the ceiling; the same plain grayish white made a bit yellowish from the glow of the hall light. She sighed and put pen to paper in her mind; smiling at the contented coo that escaped Mika’s sleeping form. She closed her eyes; seeing with fear and bliss the figure that stood before her; smiling in acceptance that came from the imagination even if it escaped display in real life. Jamillia/Tiffany….
“You began life in one manner, but your life has turned in a way; perhaps taking a path that was chosen for you before you were born. This I know because it was revealed in the dream. Two children born to believe and trust and take that path. Areleni, the sister and first born. Taradme…second born…as Tarran; the brother who wished so long to be exactly as his sister.” The two looked back and forth between each other and their faces darkened in shame.
“No, dear ones. Please?” Jamillia stepped closer to Taradme.
“There may be some even in our home world who don’t understand and even find fault with you. But created in the image of our makers you are, no matter what is on the outside. Shiraya be praised, dear woman. You are who you are and it is all good.” Taradme’s blush deepened and she began to cry. Areleni pulled her closer and she wept in her sister’s arms.
“I… am ….please forgive me, my Queen. I shall withdraw immediately. I am so sorry,” Taradme pulled out of Areleni’s embrace and began backing slowing away toward the door.
“No!” Jamillia hadn’t meant the word as a rebuke, but perhaps a rebuke was exactly what Taradme required.
“You are my servant, and I trust that you wish to become my friend, just as I wish to become yours. But you cannot set aside your calling, even if you feel incapable or miscast.”
At the last word, she sighed. It was a drama to be played out daily before the people; only a precious few were aware of the task that women like Areleni and Taradme had been given. There would be times when that task would be availed in tragic manner; too many times already with too many sad farewells said hastily if at all as both Jamillia and Meanami could attest.
“I am not worthy of service, my Queen,” Taradme protested even as shameful tears fell freely. The Queen of Naboo waved away her protest in dismissal; more angry at the shame that had been placed upon Taradme’s shoulders than at the young woman herself.
“The time for shame is over. It matters not to the Goddess nor to your Queen how you started. You are here now, and you are worthy because you were created that way. I know you fear that your beginnings disqualify you, but you are a woman in every way but one, and that one way matters not in the scheme of things. Perhaps even your beginning is part of a divine plan? Come…. Please?” The Queen was not known to ask, but she asked none the less; a peek under the curtain of the monarchy to reveal the compassionate woman.
“My…my Queen?” Taradme stammered and Jamillia stepped closer once again. Mianami sighed and nodded at Fensai. The Gun woman smiled weakly before putting a large hand before her face as she wept unashamedly at the love her Queen had shown. Mianami smiled back and swallowed hard as tears fell from her own face in admiration for display of true royalty. A monarch of Naboo wasn’t given rule in succession, but rather was bestowed the task to lead by the people themselves, and they had been blessed with the servant’s heart of the Queen.
“No shame….no doubt. We are pleased with both you and your sister, dear one. And together we will do what we must to serve our people.” She beckoned Areleni closer and the three embraced as one; triplets in a way as the Queen welcomed the latest in a long line of loyal, valorous women whose calling served to insure that the monarchy would continue. Sacrifice on behalf of the people of Naboo. And before it was all over, there would be yet another sacrifice…
In the livingroom
Anya looked at Lisa. Her friend had been crying all day, but had recovered enough to remain strong for her daughter. Her only child and now? While the morning would bring new challenges as every day begin for the parent of a transgender child, nothing would have ever prepared Lisa Richmond for the task at hand; to tell her beautiful baby girl that fate had once again visited upon the Richmond household as Sandy’s father would not be coming home to his second daughter because that morning, in an ambulance in Stuttgart, Germany, he had been reunited with Amanda Richmond.
I could reach the stars, I'd pull one down for you
Shine it on my heart, so you could see the truth
That this love I have inside, is everything it seems
But for now I find, it's only in my dreams
Next:
Change the World
Words and Music by
Tommy Sims, Gordon Kennedy, and Wayne Kirkpatrick
As Performed by
Samantha Schultz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQDefebR94c
Previously… in Naboo dreams
“I am not worthy of service, my Queen,” Taradme protested even as shameful tears fell freely. The Queen of Naboo waved away her protest in dismissal; more angry at the shame that had been placed upon Taradme’s shoulders than at the young woman herself.
“The time for shame is over. It matters not to the Goddess nor to your Queen how you started. You are here now, and you are worthy because you were created that way. I know you fear that your beginnings disqualify you, but you are a woman in every way but one, and that one way matters not in the scheme of things. Perhaps even your beginning is part of a divine plan? Come…. Please?” The Queen was not known to ask, but she asked none the less; a peek under the curtain of the monarchy to reveal the compassionate woman.
Previously…Florham Park…
Anya looked at Lisa. Her friend had been crying all day, but had recovered enough to remain strong for her daughter. Her only child and now? While the morning would bring new challenges as every day begins for the parent of a transgender child, nothing would have ever prepared Lisa Richmond for the task at hand; to tell her beautiful baby girl that fate had once again visited upon the Richmond household as Sandy’s father would not be coming home to his second daughter because that morning, in an ambulance in Stuttgart, Germany, he had been reunited with Amanda Richmond.
Lisa walked into the kitchen where Anya was sitting; two mugs of tea already empty and another kettle of hot water plugged in.
“They’re asleep… do you think?” Lisa looked away. Anya pointed to the other empty chair at the small table and smiled tentatively.
“Of course? I can drop by early tomorrow if you like? I think Mika would want to be here.” Anya lowered her head slightly in thought; hoping she would be able to help the girl and her mother through this horror. Lisa lowered her head as well; almost shameful.
“Would… could you…. “ She glanced up briefly as if wanting company was wrong. Anta smiled at her.
“Stay? Of course. What was I thinking….” Anya stood up and hugged her friend and helped her get seated before grabbing her cell out of her purse. She hit the pre-set and spoke.
“Ginny? Oh… I’m glad I could … I have a family situa…. Yes…. Actually a friend but near and dear as family? You can? You’re a sweetie. Thanks. I’ll talk to you tomorrow …after lunch okay? Thanks.”
“The day I learned Sergei died I had no one. Both my Mom and Dad were already gone and my brother wasn’t ….. He came around a few years later and things got much better, but for most of Mika’s life she’s been without a Dad. I wish there was something...” She looked away; the tears for her own loss mingling with the sadness she felt for Lisa and Sandy.
“Just having you and Mika.…. Sandy Sr.? He’s been away more than not the past seven years. We never married because …. He…Well he didn’t… Most of Sandy’s cards and gifts… birthdays… She told me last year she pretty much knew all along he didn’t care, but a child hopes ….hopes her Daddy….” The last few words were followed quickly by sobs as she put her head down on the table. And all Anya could do was rub Lisa’s back.
“I know, Lese…. I know.”
Meanwhile….
Sandy lay awake; still staring at the ceiling. The idea of the convention and her cosplay partnership with Tiffany and Mika still pulled at her, but amost as if they were living out the script in real life. Maybe to anyone else it would seem foolish or stupid or even childish, but in some simple ninth-grade girl way, Sandy stillidolized Tiffany.
“Mika? Are you awake?” Sandy rolled around and found her friend had been crying, but was smiling at her. Sandy bit her lower lip and frowned; the “I don’t deserve love” apple having fallen too close to the family tree. Without a sound, Mika pulled the covers aside and crawled into bed; hugging the girl.
“I…. you must….”
“No, Sandy. I know we’re not girlfriends…. Not in that way. We’re sisters. Even if….I’m just … I want someone to hold like Daddy held Mommy, but not … not us. I understand.”
“I…” Sandy buried her face under Mika’s chin and began to cry; evoking a gasp from her best friend/sister. Sandy put her hand on Mika’s cheek.
“Not you…..I just…. I can’t remember my Dad ever loving my Mom …. Loving us that way.” She began to sob deeply enough to shake them both.
Dreaming….Later that evening….
“My Queen?” Taradme had lowered her gaze; not wishing to presume to engage her ruler without leave.
“What is it, child?” The odd royal personage treating the young women before her as children.
“I ...”
“We’ve been through this already,” Jamillia said; almost a rebuke, but her smile belied her gruff assumed tone. She stepped off the throne dais and reached out; lifting Taradme’s chin with her right hand.
“In this room….away for the few moments we may grab from our schedule…. We are friends.” Jamillia nodded to the girls and smiled. Her gaze lingered as her smile faded; an uncomfortable feeling sending a shudder up her back. A mixture of premonition and hopeful anticipation. She looked away before continuing.
“I’m sorry we’ve been so busy, but the needs of our people outweigh even our own needs,” Jamillia shook her head slightly. She hadn’t meant to use the royal ‘we’ between the three of them, but it was important for all to remember that even a Queen’s needs must often be set aside for the benefit of her subjects. Areleni bowed her head and Taradme followed her lead. Jamillia stepped closer and touched each girl’s chin softly.
“But for these few moments, let us take comfort in the knowledge that even our creator deems that her creations need rest…..” She paused before stepping closer. She kissed each on the forehead, but her lips lingered as she felt the urge to embrace Taradme. She shook her head and now it was her turn to cast her visage down, but in shame. Even a Queen can feel pulled in directions unknown, and she was grateful that both girls still were bowed in respect. She raised her head slightly and sighed….
At Tiffany’s house… that same night…
Tiffany and her mother and father were sitting at the kitchen table. Al was working on his second cup of coffee after a very long day at work. He patted his daughter’s wrist and nodded. Eileen smiled from across the table as she touched Tiffany’s other hand.
“What’s the worst part of this for you, honey?” While she was a guidance counselor at an out of district school, she still was a mother first and foremost. Still, the night promised a lot of open ended questions and careful empathy. Tiffany grabbed her mug of cocoa; sipping it slowly as her mother and father held her free hand.
“He…he lied.” She pushed her lower lip out in an entirely sincere pout. Al pulled his hand away; downing the last of his coffee. He held the mug up and Eileen shook her head no. He laughed at himself and placed the mug on the table before continuing.
“Let’s just say for argument’s sake that Sandy is a he? Does that make a difference or that he didn’t tell you?” Tiffany shook her head.
“You don’t understand. I…We…” Eileen had no intention whatsoever to bring up the subject of Puppy Love, but she did keep that in mind as she replied.
“You really liked her.”
“Him, Mom…HIM!” Al covered his face; ostensibly to yawn, but he did not want his daughter to see him smiling, Eileen continued.
“Sorry, honey…Him. You really liked him. When you thought he was a girl?” Tiffany put her head down and nodded slowly.
“I’m so sorry, honey. You’re very disappointed that your friend …” Al paused in thought.
“What about him being a boy…how does that disappoint you?” He paused again and Eileen figured where he was going. She nodded reluctantly; not in disagreement, but in the anticipation that their talk was destined to be an all-nighter. All took a deep breath and asked the question the question.
“Isn’t Sandy…. You know…. Just like your cousin Eric?” Tiffany lifted her head slowly. It was no secret within the entire extended family that Al’s sister and brother in law started out with two girls, but that somewhere along the way Erica had realized….not just wondered….but realized that she was a he. Even so, it wasn’t something they talked about. Tiffany spoke haltingly.
“I don’t….I guess? Maybe?” Eileen patted her wrist again.
“And you love Eric… your brocuz, I think you call him?”
“But…she’s not a boy… you know…. Just….”
“Eric lives as a boy… he’s not changing but that doesn’t make him less of a young man, does it?” Al asked. Truth be told, their nephew’s choices were confusing, but Eric’s Mom and Dad supported him in every bit of his voyage, and that really settled it for Eileen and Al. How their daughter received it would help them discover just how much fence mending they all needed to do.
Tiffany sighed; her resolve to be the hurt party was ebbing. She was a kind girl for the most part, as her mother had already reminded her. But like a lot of kids….most humans, as a matter of fact… she needed to be reminded. She looked back and forth between her parents before bursting into tears; not exactly the effect Eileen had been going for, but as she liked to say, she ‘could work with that.’
“I’m really sorry Mommy….Daddy?” A wee bit of residual hurt seemed to reinsert itself until she pause.
“Mom? I’m…. sorry,” she said softly; the confession that spoke of the hurt she had caused her best friend. The apology that Eileen and Al knew was in their daughter.
“What…What should I do, Daddy?” She looked away; being ashamed rather than filled with shame and guilt, so to speak.
“I think maybe we all need to take a break and look at this again tomorrow? How does that sound to you?” Al’s words seemed a bit forced; owing to the over-consumption of caffeine. Tiffany took it the wrong way and stood up.
“You hate me. I’m such a fuck up. I hate myself.” She ran down the hall into her bedroom without closing the door. Al went to stand and Eileen waved him off before kissing him on the cheek.
“You still working on your teenspeak, dearest? Let me?” She didn’t wait for an answer, but walked down the hall and into Tiffany’s room. The girl was lying face down with her head practically buried in the space between two pillows and a large Teddy Bear. Eileen walked over and sat down on the bed and began to rub the girl’s back; all the while musing at the irony, since Tiffany had heard Sandy’s near identical cries even as she left the crowded school hallway.
“I hate myself.” Tiffany sobbed into the Teddy Bear. Eileen leaned close and spoke softly.
“Daddy and I love you very much. We always have and always will. And maybe you can admit you did something wrong but maybe also forgive yourself?
“How…how do I fix this, Mommy? I hurt Sandy so bad, and I don’t think she’ll ever forgive me.”
“She never wanted to hurt you, so maybe you two can forgive each other for starters?”
“She’ll…she hates me!”
“From what you told me, she hates herself, right?” Eileen rubbed Tiffany’s back again.
“Let’s just get some sleep, and you and Daddy and I can talk about your friend and how we can all show her we care, okay?”
“O…Okay…show her…” Tiffany stopped in mid sentence.
“H….her, Mom? “ The turned over and looked up into wise, loving eyes. Eileen nodded yes and Tiffany did exactly what one might expect a popular if conflicted middle school girl would do.
“Her? Oh, Mom, I’m so sorry,” she said before burying her face in Eileen’s chest as she burst into deep, healing sobs.
“Her.” Eileen repeated softly as she stroked her daughter’s hair.
“Her.”
Theed throne room; just down the fantasy hallway from Sandy’s bedroom…
“My Queen,” Mianami spoke up, seeing the conflict on Jamillia’s face.
“I just remembered some urgent business to which you must attend. Perhaps you can meet your friends later at dinner?” She didn’t wait for Jamillia’s answer and had already placed her hands on the girl’s shoulders as she ushered them toward the door.
“We are here at your pleasure, My Queen,” Areleni said as she clasped her sister’s hands.
“Ye…yes,” Jamillia stammered but nodded in agreement as the two protectors departed. A moment later her advisor was at the Queen’s side, holding her like a mother would a daughter.
“It is forbidden, Jamillia. I’m sorry….”
“Because she’s a…..”
“No, My Queen. Not for that…. Nor for any other reason but for the fact that these two are here to ensure your safety and any ….anything other than that one important reason must be set aside.”
“Is she…. Dear Goddess, forgive me, are they not worth….”
“Every soul is worthy of life, Jamillia, but you are The Queen of all the people. For now ….as you serve in your office as the one who rules this planet? Perhaps one day….. but you know how quickly things turn from joy to tragedy,” Mianami gasped as she recalled her own sister’s sacrifice on behalf of Queen Amidala.
“Will I never be happy?”
“To recall an old proverb? A Queen must remember that happiness is the one luxury she cannot afford.” Mianami rubbed the young woman’s shoulders in comfort, which had the opposite effect as the Sovereign Ruler of Naboo collapsed in her arms and wept bitter tears.
The Reynolds home….
Anya walked into the living room and sat on the opposite end of the couch from Lisa.
“They’re fast asleep.” She said as she looked back to the closed bedroom door.
“I’m so sorry, Anya.”
“You don’t have to keep apologizing, Lisa. I… It’s hard to bear up under everything you’ve been through and now this?” Anya held her hands out; wide and open in invitation.
“I’m so sorry, “ Lisa apologized again. “I wish I could say I miss him, but he’s been absent for so long. Even when he was home, it was either the job or his girlfriends. I stopped loving him a long time ago.” The tears in her eyes belied her plaint, but she shook her head.
“Oh, you know what I mean, “ Lisa said; picking up on Anya’s half smile.
“He was my first and only love, and that will never change. But his neglect? Especially to Sandy> This will make things so much more painful, and I almost think I couldn’t bear it.” She leaned closer; touching Anya’s arm; evoking a start. Anya began to blush.
“Sorry…I guess it’s colder than I thought. The temperature had changed, but it had risen in only a matter of moments. Lisa shook her head as if to disagree, but spoke.
“Yes… colder.” She stood up suddenly.
“I’m going to lie down. Okay?” The guest bedroom was already laid out, so she walked down the hall quickly; leaving Anya without another word. Anya sighed as her gaze followed Lisa’s progress until she disappeared into her bedroom.
“Yeah….colder…” Anya said softly to no one. She had planned to get up since the guest bedroom was already laid out but she was drained by the day’s events. In spite of her best efforts to stay awake, she leaned back against the couch and was asleep in moments; her sleep accompanied by a coo mixed with a sympathetic sob….
But for now I find
It’s only in my dreams
That I can
Change the world
Change the World
Words and Music by
Tommy Sims, Gordon Kennedy, and Wayne Kirkpatrick
As Performed by
Samantha Schultz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQDefebR94c
Previously…
“I’m so sorry, “Lisa apologized again. “I wish I could say I miss him, but he’s been absent for so long. Even when he was home, it was either the job or his girlfriends. I stopped loving him a long time ago.” The tears in her eyes belied her plaint, but she shook her head.
“Oh, you know what I mean, “Lisa said; picking up on Anya’s half smile.
“He was my first and only love, and that will never change. But his neglect? Especially to Sandy. This will make things so much more painful, and I almost think I couldn’t bear it.” She leaned closer; touching Anya’s arm; evoking a start. Anya began to blush.
“Sorry…I guess it’s colder than I thought.” The temperature had changed, but it had risen in only a matter of moments. Lisa shook her head as if to disagree, but spoke.
“Yes… colder.” She stood up suddenly.
“I’m going to lie down. Okay?” The guest bedroom was already laid out, so she walked down the hall quickly; leaving Anya without another word. Anya sighed as her gaze followed Lisa’s progress until she disappeared into her bedroom.
“Yeah….colder…” Anya said softly to no one. She had planned to get up since the guest bedroom was already laid out but she was drained by the day’s events. In spite of her best efforts to stay awake, she leaned back against the couch and was asleep in moments; her sleep accompanied by a coo mixed with a sympathetic sob….
Naboo…. Just a universe next to Florham Park….
Mianami sat on a long couch in the outer room to her suite; leaning forward with her hands on her knees. She sighed. Even before her responsibility as chief aide and mentor to the Queen; more than anyone she knew, she was well aware of the pull of service on the life she and others had assumed to bless the Queen. Her sister had died in the arms of Queen Amidala; one of three young women who made the supreme sacrifice. And Mianami had set aside her own dreams; leaving a life filled with hope in the form of a young woman she had loved in favor of her people’s needs.
‘For our People,’ she had told her life-partner Lanadae. A sad betrayal of their love that had yet to heal; Lanadae had been one of the other girls who had perished in protecting Amidala; the Queen knowing of the love Lanadae and Mianami shared was somehow that one sacrifice she herself felt she had no right to request but was compelled to demand. Amidala wept at Lanadae’s loss, but the secrecy of her protection left her set apart from the grief Mianami suffered until she left the kingdom to another regent. And so terribly soon after that, Amidala’s life was cut short; leaving with three holes in her heart. Mianami lived without a sister, without a friend, and without a lover.
“Someday? Oh, Shiraya…. Will I ever be happy?” She looked upward at one of the pale moons peeking between the curtains in the large window to her right; hoping the goddess would rescue her heart from the drought of love she endured. She did not weep; time enough in a lifetime for more tears. She sighed and smiled before retiring.
“Hope….” She whispered in prayer as she laid her head down. Despite her resolve, she wept softly, but yet in hope.
“Nadezhda,” Anya murmured as she stirred. Sunlight was peeking softly past the drawn curtains in the living room. She sat up slowly; realizing both that she had fallen asleep on the couch and that Lisa must have covered her with a comforter sometime in the night. She noticed the aroma of coffee and the sound of stirring coming from the kitchen.
“Cream and sugar?” Lisa asked as she held up two mugs.
“Dark, no sugar please?” Anya waved and Lisa nodded. A moment later Lisa arrived with two mugs of coffee and a large plate with two bagels.
“Need to get out to shop,” Lisa said absentmindedly. Anya nodded in agreement, but there was time enough for that later. She went to speak, but hesitated in thought. As she pondered her question, she was met with one from Lisa.
“”You were … talking…in your sleep. You kept repeating your… Your Sergei’s name and a word… Na..Nades…?”
“Oh…. Nadezhda ….it was a favorite of his. Sort of Russian mixed with Belarus? It means to hope. Serge was a big one for hope.” Lisa titled her head in question and Anya replied.
“It…it took me a long time to even say the word after he died. Mika, god bless her heart, never stopped hoping. I don’t even know what it means now other than that we have hope that things will always work out. I just can’t even begin to imagine…to dream what that means, if that makes any sense?”
“I think it does…for me for the most part. When Sandy’s dad stopped caring, I started getting back to my own spiritual roots…church… and it helped. But this whole thing with Sandy…” Lisa paused and looked down the hall. Seeing the bedroom door closed, she felt safe enough if still in a whisper to continue.
“It’s really thrown me for a loop, like my grand mom would say. Not Sandy, but I feel so helpless at times to protect her… It was hard enough when her father abandoned us, but with the whole gender thing…”
“The gender thing, Mom? The thing? Sandy stood in the hallway; her face a mixture of grief and anger. Mika was just walking down the hall when Sandy turned and ran past her. She closed the door sharply as if to shut away what she felt she heard. Lisa hurried past Mika and called through the door.
“No…Sandy….not…not…”
“Go away!” Sandy sobbed. It got quiet and Lisa heard the sigh of sagging bedsprings as Sandy cried into her pillow. Lisa tried the door, but Sandy had locked it. On most occasions, Lisa would give her space; but today was more urgent than any other day. She went to turn; only to find Anya standing with a half-smile and a butter knife she had retrieved from a drawer in the kitchen.
“Mika taught me this.” She stepped past Lisa and inserted the blade between the doorframe and the trim. A moment later Anya was sitting next to the bed. Lisa stood over Sandy and was rubbing her back; the vibrations of her daughter’s sobbing were jarring. Mika knelt on the other side of the bed; her face eye level with Sandy’s.
“Mommy and I and your Mom love you, Sandy, okay?” She reached over and gently nudged Sandy’s head to turn. With her other hand, she gently placed a tissue to Sandy’s cheek as she dabbed away tears; barely keeping up with the cascade of shame.
“We’re all girls here, so it’s okay to cry. Just hafta let us cry with you, okay?” Mika said as her own face mirrored her friend’s albeit with hopeful tears. And of course, the solace did exactly what it was meant to do. Sandy turned her face upward to look at her mother. Lisa nodded and the misunderstanding faded away quickly as Sandy’s realization of safety was punctuated by one word; this time spoke by her best friend.
“Nadezhda.” Mika said softly.
Across town at Tiffany’s house…
“Mom? Can I stay home today? I don’t feel so good.” Tiffany was being a bit self centered, but then she also was up all night with a very bad case of guilt-induced nausea. She had looked into the mirror; both figuratively and literally, and she was very upset with the person looking back at her.
“We have an errand to run, honey. Can you manage that?” Eileen pointed at the kitchen door to the garage. While Tiffany had recovered, she still felt entirely responsible for her horrible treatment of her best friend. She might have had little strength, but she had less strength to argue on her own behalf; a foolish task at best, and she really did want to do the right thing.
“I’ll ...let me put on something and I’ll be ready whenever you want.” She was ready for going out, but she wasn’t prepared for what lie ahead; an errand mixed equally with mercy and contrition and likely one of the best series of moments she would enjoy in her on-the-verge high school life. Eileen sighed in relief. It was going to prove to be a very long but ultimately rewarding day.
At the Reynolds’ home...
“Sandy? Baby? Mommy has something she needs to...”
“Whenever...whenever you say “Mommy has to...” it means...” Sandy stifled a sob; too much crying already, and the day hadn’t really begun. She half frowned.
“It’s about Daddy, isn’t it?” Lisa shuddered; how could Sandy know? But it was almost expected. Sanford Amos Reynolds Sr. Was never really a part of his daughter’s life; even so far as to insist on referring to the child for whom he cared as his son. And his unabated drinking almost forebode what Lisa’s precious child had already sensed. It was just too much for Lisa and she fell back onto the couch in heaving sobs. A mother should protect her daughter from the lack of love of an ungrateful father, shouldn’t she?
“Sandy?” Anya stepped close and held out her arms; the aunt the girl never had was alive in her best friend’s mother. Sandy put her head down; speaking in a near-silent whisper.
“Daddy? “ Anya choked back a so; still offering the embrace that her mother would duplicate in a few moments.
“I’m so sorry,” the voice cried from behind. If anyone knew what Sandy felt, it was Mika. Except her father had always loved Anya and Mika. There would be no happy reconciliation for father and daughter as Sandy’s void would only be filled in other; perhaps better if completely unexpected ways. But it still was her ‘Daddy’. She fell into Anya’s arms as Lisa gained the strength she needed and joined the two. Anya guided Sandy into Lisa’s arms and the both to the couch.
“I’ll make some tea, Mom?” Mika asked. Anya wiped away her own tears and nodded. Never in any moment before that time had Anya felt so close to anyone other than her late husband Sergei and Mika. But in that moment, Anya felt like a second Mom to Sandy Reynolds and that made it easier in a most painful if precious way to accept that she had fallen in love with Lisa Reynolds.
A while later in the library at Whippany Park High School…
Eileen and Tiffany walked up to a young man who was placing a pile of art history texts on a display table.
“Excuse me? Do you have any books on gender identity and teens?” Eileen tapped the boy’s shoulder. He turned and smiled at her and Tiffany; evoking a start from the girl and a feigned look of surprise from her Mom.
“Hi Aunt Ei.”
“Hi Eric.” Eileen mirrored her nephew’s broad grin while Tiffany’s efforts to hide behind Eileen failed even as her face grew very hot and red.
At Panera Bread, a short while later
“I don’t... I want to...”
“Tiff? It’s okay. Really.” Eric sat across from Tiffany and Eileen.
“You like who you are, and that’s great. I didn’t hate myself when i was Erica but now I feel like I know who I am. He gestured to himself. Blue denim jacket over a teal California Republic tee shirt with non-descript jeans and black converse tennies. His hair was longish but combed back; reveling a cross piercing on his left ear.
“I’m still me...just not how you remember me...remember us” He smile warmly, which evoked a nervous if entirely sincere smile from his cousin.
“Are you...” She blushed, and Eric continued to smile.
“No... I know it doesn’t fit with what everybody expects. I’m never going to...well, you’ve seen my mom and my sis. Caliie and me....We don’t... we’re not very big.”
“Do you use one of those wraps the article talk about?” Eileen asked as she finished her green tea.
“Yes, but it’s ...well...I am still fine with who I am.”
“What about?” Tiffany shuddered at the thought as Eric anticipated the question.
“If I ever get together with some nice girl, we may decide to have kids, and maybe that means ...”
“Taking turns? A surrogate donor?” Eileen asked. Tiffany blushed again.
“Tiff? It’s okay... relax. Uncle Al called this morning and said you were up all night with him and Aunt Ei. This isn’t an ambush. We just figurred you needed to know. And Today’s special is potato cheddar, so lunch is on me.”
“You want to have kids?” Tiffany resisted to add ‘ewww;’ mostly because Eric’s explanation was actually sinking in.
“Yes. I want to be a parent. But Tiff? You do know I only turn 17 in August, right? ?" Eric laughed and continued
"And I can’t complain about whatever comes along. Or who comes along.”
“But it’s early, Eric. Never a need to be who anyone wants you to be and just the right time to explore who you are. No need for labels or names other than Eric?” Eileen interjected.
“Are you happy?” Tiffany asked with a bit of dread; her fear that Eric wasn’t happy rather than her expectation of how ‘wrong’ it was. Things had changed for the girl; something Eric noticed just in their brief conversation.
“I know you don’t understand, but I do know you want to; even if it isn’t necessary for me, it is for you.
“I...want to be...” She began to cry.
“I know you love me, and just knowing you want to understand means you really want to love me...not Erica, but Eric, right?" Tiffany nodded; her face beginning to cool as the red glow on her cheeks began to ebb.
“I need to get going – I got a psych class at three at Essex Community. I’m doing well enough that they may accept me after junior year full-time.”
“Your Mom and Dad are raising two great kids, Eric. And we’re proud of you as well.” Eileen nudged Tiffany.
“Uh...yeah...me too.”
“Go to your friend and listen to what she has to say. The only thing you need to say besides sorry is to tell your friend you want to listen to her, okay?” Tiffany nodded and smiled through the tears that continued to fall. She was ashamed and embarrassed, but Eric instilled something in her that began to make the hurt ‘all better,’ as they used to say. She had broken the friendship she shared with Sandy and even with Mika, but something inside was growing that she could trust to help mend the rift. Tiffany had hope.
Naboo - not in Essex County...
“Do you think she knows?” Taradme looked at her sister and half frowned. Areleni stepped closer and whispered.
“If she doesn't know, then our queen is blind and deaf, sister mine.”
“Will she...i mean...even if....at least she will only know I love her.”
“As your Queen? Or much more? We can only hope, Taradme...just hope.”
It’s all up to you
There’s nothing no one else can do
Take charge of your life
And make sure you shine
Take it from me: not a lot in life comes easy
But I’m here to tell you something sure
You’ve gotta take charge, follow your head and your heart
You’ll be off to a real great start
Your strength and your belief will lead the way
To be concluded...
Luke and Leia
Composed by John Williams
from the motion picture
Return of the Jedi
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B807l72qZYI
Walking Strong
Words and music by ther performer.
Samantha Schultz
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmKbxwOlhoc
Previously…
Naboo - not in Essex County...
“Do you think she knows?” Taradme looked at her sister and half frowned. Areleni stepped closer and whispered.
“If she doesn't know, then our queen is blind and deaf, sister mine.”
“Will she...I mean...even if....at least she will only know I love her.”
“As your Queen? Or much more? We can only hope, Taradme...just hope.”
At Panera Bread, a short while later
“Go to your friend and listen to what she has to say. The only thing you need to say besides sorry is to tell your friend you want to listen to her, okay?” Tiffany nodded and smiled through the tears that continued to fall. She was ashamed and embarrassed, but Eric instilled something in her that began to make the hurt feel ‘all better,’ as they used to say. She had broken the friendship she shared with Sandy and even with Mika, but something inside was growing that she could trust to help mend the rift. Tiffany had hope.
Theed…
Jamillia vowed to herself to keep things as hidden as possible; even if it meant disappointment. She had an entire life ahead of her after all once the new Queen assumed the throne. No diplomatic assignment for Jamillia, she had also vowed. Off planet with a life attuned to her inevitable solitude, should she actually survive her reign? Her thoughts were beyond pensive until Areleni interrupted her train of emotivation.
“My Queen? Whom shall we all be today? I hope that we continue to provide you with much more than mere protection. We…. We wish to give you a hopeful future that includes friendship…” She paused; turning aside to glance at her sister Taradme. If either had any hint of influence in Jamillia’s life, they would…they would try as best they could to see their Queen happy. Taradme’s shook her head; hoping that the conversation would go no further, but fate and the goddess had other plans.
“I think you should be Queen today, whilst your sister and I provide you with protection, yes?” Jamilia laughed and pointed to the table filled with cosmetics and the closet filled with a vast array of clothing.
“I shall be the protector and your sister as well. Since I suppose I must learn to accept the end of my reign.” Her voice tailed off as her eyes met Taradme’s; each girl holding painfully tragic secrets. That Taradme was once a young man of Naboo mattered not to Jamillia; the heart wants what it wants. But she also feared love that threatened daily to be cut short by death; her own or the girl she had come to love.
And Taradme feared everything that included a future. She could not envision a life; much less happiness and love. They would have kept their secrets but for the coming hours of that day; hours that brought along with it the glimmer of futures for all three girls that would include no more heartache and loss for the lives plotted out for them by whatever goddess might devise…
On Earth with soup and remorse…
As Eileen and Tiffany prepared to leave, Eric waved at them as he finished a call on his cell phone.
“Class was cancelled. Mr. Grabowski’s Dachsie had her litter, and we’ve just got review online today. Do you mind if I tag along when you go seen your friend?” Eileen smiled and spoke; her hand raised in caution to Tiffany.
“I think that would be very helpful for everyone, Eric.” She smiled warmly at her daughter; not meaning to be abrupt. Tiffany rubbed her nose with her sleeve nervously but smiled back. Turning to her cousin, she spoke; her head cast down just a bit.
“I…I’d like that, Eric. Okay?”
At Sandy’s house…
“Mika and Sandy are in back yard with Leia,” Lisa said, pointing to the scene through the double doors to the girls and the six-year old Sheltie.
“Better to get their minds on something a bit more serene than the past two days.” Lisa sighed,
“Do…Do you mind if I ask a question,” Anya said nervously. Lisa missed the body language and tone altogether and went into her parent-first mode.
“She’s known since before first grade.” Anya smiled at the information she had already gained months ago as an ally-mom of Mika. She breathed out a heavy sigh and rephrased…restated …clarified.
“When Serge died, I was left with a void, but at least there was a hole that had been filled for so long. How…You sorta said that Sandy’s father never loved you?”
“He loved me…us I n his way. He was hurt as a kid and never dropped his guard. And I…I never really loved him. I …We stayed together at the beginning for Sandy’s sake, but it was more her loss than mine when her father moved out. And even at that, we’ve…I never…”
“Do you ever wonder about …about another?” Anya hadn’t meant to project her own longing on Lisa, but apparently the West Essex Pantheon had recruited some non-descript romance deity to speed things along as evidenced by the growing redness on both their faces. Lisa smiled nervously; prodded along by the goddess of suburban lonely-hearts.
“Can I… Would you? Can we?” Anya started to cry; knowing without knowing why. She nodded and stepped close to Lisa. What some might have expected would have called for a romantic kiss instead demanded two quick kisses on each other’s cheeks before the whole moment dissolved into a very long, tender, and not altogether bereft of romance embrace. Anya would never again know the hug of her first love, but in an instant felt the beginnings of first hugs from her last love ever. And Lisa would know love…real love…for the very first time…
Theed….
The three young ladies had just finished preparing Areleni to be the decoy queen when Miradme hurried into the ante-chamber.
“I’m sorry to disturb you,” she said as her gaze darted between the three. Even Jamillia’s own kin would have been sorely pressed to tell the three apart. She chose to speak while moving her look between them.
“An emissary from Coruscant, my lady,” she said with a soft laugh. While Arleni and Taradme were capable as bodyguards and decoys, she wondered if either of the two had assumed the role of the sovereign, and how well that would bode for any communication. Areleni stepped forward; the day’s chosen substitute was more than resplendent in form and function as she took the royal mentor’s hand and was quickly led to the throne room; leaving the queen and her remaining bodyguard alone…perhaps dangerously and happily at the same time.
“I must beg your pardon, my queen,” Taradme said in a hushed and shameful tone.
“Why, my child?” A royal endearment from one young woman to another nearly two years her senior, but with all the gentle charm of a true caring servant. She stepped forward; both physically and in choice of demeanor as she touched Taradme’s cheek.
“You have nothing to ask that I am not willing to bestow.” Jamillia looked away; her eyes already filling with fearful tears over love forbidden in so many ways. But time was both growing long and short as they say, and she spoke.
“You forget that your queen knows who you are, but even more so, knows who you once were Taran. The boy/girl/woman shuddered in sadness over the reminder. She could never be anything but a weak young man in the service of a real woman. Jamillia redoubled her efforts to console and spoke haltingly.
“I may not be a queen forever, dear one, but I most certainly will be a woman whose heart you have stolen.” She wiped Taradme’s tears away with the long flowing sleeve of her robe,
“I am not the young man you seek, oh queen, even if you are the one I have most ashamedly and in ways forbidden have fallen in love. I ….” She looked down at herself; the irony of the sameness of their garb being lost by her and embraced by Jamillia.
“You are a woman, Taradme; first last and always, and in only a short while you and I can be together.” Jamillia pulled Taradme close and bestowed upon the young woman a regal gift of a romantic kiss; reserved usually between a queen and the male consort chosen for her, but now between two women of Naboo.
“You have my heart, Taradme, and I give it willingly and forever,” Jamillia said at last as she embraced the woman who had never really been a young man, but had been the one true gift from the goddess to the soon to be servant of the next Queen of Naboo.
“Greetings to you, Oh Queen most excellent and beautiful.” Had Areleni’s face not bee adorned with so much makeup, the young man would have seen the dark red of her cheeks. He laughed softly nonetheless.
“Do you not recall our first meeting…Areleni of Theed? Yes, I know you are not the Queen. I should know my own cousin, yes?” Andel Thane smiled and bowed with a flourish.
“She and all of her successors will always require attendants, even if they take her place from time to time. My visit was intended to be purely personal instead of as an envoy. And now even more so, since I rather enjoy knowing that you and I are not kin. In time, perhaps, when our paths meet, I might be permitted to make more acquaintance of you? But for now, I await your word and I await a nice visit shortly with my cousin?” He took Areleni’s hand and kissed it gently. She pulled away and ran quickly from the room.
“I shall take that as ‘perhaps?” He laughed.
“My Queen? Your cousin Andel Thane awaits without,” Areleni said abruptly; causing Jamillia and Taradme to pull apart with a start. She looked back and forth between the two; immediately discerning the moment and the implications beyond. Taradme stepped back with a look of shock as her sister nodded her head. Jamillia pulled her new love close and squeezed both hands with a hurried kiss.
“We have time, dear heart. And soon time will mean little while still meaning everything. My time as sovereign is soon at an end, but my life is just begun. And we have hope.
Anya and Lisa came up for air, as the old saying goes; met all at once with the inquisitive stares of Mika and Sandy and the sound of the doorbell. Mika walked to the door; opening it to find Eileen and Tiffany…. Along with a vaguely familiar young man. She waved cautiously at Tiffany and smiled at the girl’s mother; hopefully thing would be better for Sandy by the time the day was done. The three walked in at Mika’s welcoming gesture.
“Lisa? I believe my daughter has something she needs to say to Sandy?” Eileen stepped aside. The moment might have been entirely embarrassing and shameful for Tiffany but for her own eagerness to make amends. Being shamed and being ashamed are two entirely different thing. Tiffany was rightfully ashamed of her behavior toward her friend. And no one can forgive on behalf if another but it was very appropriate that Mika hugged Tiffany before ushering her over to Sandy.
“Maybe we can all go out on the patio while these two talk?” Anya suggested. It was completely coincidental that her suggestion might serve to deflect from her own discomfort over her new-found expression of support for Lisa. Whatever else her presence might serve for Sandy’s issues, it was understandably her new devotion… her rekindling of feelings dormant since her husband’s passing. But that did little to alleviate her feeling awkward and sadly ashamed about her love for the girl’s mother. Lisa noticed Anya’s discomfort and leaned close; whispering.
“Plenty of love and support in this house to cover everyone’s need,” she said but added in a normal volume,
“Tea and some Danish?” She walked over to Eileen and offered a hug.
“I think that’ll be just fine?” Eileen nodded with a tearful smile. The moment was not quite ready for a God bless us everyone benediction, bit Mika felt oddly blessed as Eric sidled up to her and spoke.
“I guess you don’t remember me?” He laughed softly as her eyes widened in recognition.
“Erica? Oh…..” Her face reddened.
“It’s okay, Mika? You probably haven’t seen me since I ….It’s okay…really.” Mika nodded but her face was still a bit red and very hot.
“You… are you at Whippany Park?” She stammered. And not just because of the mix-up in names. He smiled.
Mostly, but I’m in the middle of work… pre-accepted at Essex Community.”
“You’re in college? I thought you were ….”
“ I'm just sixteen…. I’m…” He could have said smart; brilliant, even. He continued
“I’m blessed.” Mika couldn’t help thinking, ‘I’ll say,” whole hoping she didn’t vocalize that thought. Happily or not her own awkwardness was interrupted.
“Are you here to help your cousin?” Mika asked. Eric smiled.
“Moral support for everyone, I guess.” Mika did not know why, but she took Eric’s hand and shook it.
“Everything is ready,” Lisa said, pointing to the patio through the open sliding door to the back yard, Mika nodded as they walked out’ barely aware that Eric still held her hand.
Meanwhile, in Sandy’s bedroom…
“I am so sorry,” Tiffany pled. At one time, her remorse might have fit in just a little bit of understanding over the hurt she caused her best friend while focusing on her own disappointment. But she was a changed young lady.
“You…. When we met last year the first thing you did was tell me how sorry you were about how the other girls had teased me…” She gasped; trying without success to stifle a sob.
“The…the same girls I was with… the same girls who helped put the stupid poster over your locker. I…” was all she could manage before she started to cry, The moment was oddly but appropriately flip-flopped as the offended comforted the offender as Sandy held the sobbing girl in her arms.
“It’s okay” Sandy repeated; soothing and calming tones that brought forgiveness and restoration to a couple of girls poised in the –threshold of womanhood.
“I….Can I…Can I be your friend again?” Tiffany sobbed. Sandy kissed her on the cheek; forever sister-to-sister.
“I never stopped being yours", Sandy said; leaving Tiffany no recourse but to burst out in relieved sobs.
“It’s okay.” Sandy repeated as relieved tears streamed down her own face.
Naboo…..
Andel sat on a divan in the living chamber of Queen Jamillia. Across from him sat three young ladies of Theed. Both the Queen and her consorts had changed garb and all three were clad in attractive if less ornate gowns. Without the mufti of Queen and attendants all three looked as if they were three sisters of age and origin. And as much as all three were attractive He had eyes only for Areleni even as Jamillia and Taradme tried very hard not to make eye contact. Andel laughed softly and spoke,
“My cousin Queen? Look not upon your humbler servant as anyone but a mere messenger? I am happy for you and your consort; even if you feel the need not to look happy at all? And as someone who lived very long ago in planet I can hopefully say even if just now and never again just that I remember two children from my childhood.” He leaned a bit closer as if he needed to keep secrets in an already secure place.
“Two children. A very sad scared little boy and a little girl who was also sad but only for the sad little boy. I hope that my presence here serves, if surprising even to me; to usher in a future where I can be a small part in making that little girl happy and that I am privileged to see my cousin happy and that… she has found a young woman who will bring her joy….
The following year would find a new Queen and that her predecessor had decided to forgo a diplomatic future other than that Jamillia was entirely devoted to a life of wedded diplomacy to her partner Taradme. The year also greeted the newest senator from Naboo; Andel Thane; also newly married to Areleni of Theed…
It should also be noted in some lesser –known circles that Miradme, former mentor to the royal office of Naboo, had retired to a life of quiet contemplation as a servant of the goddess Shiraya as well as to her life-partner Lady Riadne of Theed….
The arena was packed with young and old alike dressed in a wonderful array of costumes. It might be noted that six figures almost stood out from the rest. Two young ladies dressed in the garb of Naboo; a Queen and her consort, but really BFF from Florham Park. Tiffany wasn’t seeing anyone at the moment, while Sandy had just been given permission by her mom to date a girl from her Spanish class.
A boy and a girl trailed behind them; the boy dressed as an X-Wing pilot and the girl as a Jedi Palawan; both using their free hands to point out interesting costumes while holding onto each other with their other hands. Wonder and affection.
And bringing up the rear of the short entourage were two women; forty-ish and lovely. Lisa wore the uniform of a resistance officer while Anya strolled casually’ clad in the garb of Mon Mothma, And while the first two were giddy and happy and the second two were exploring new lives and new affection, the last two were deeply and incredibly in love newlyweds…. Living what someone would note was the evidence that one could change the world because as someone also recalled, they had…. A New Hope.
Forever can never be long enough for me
Feel like I've had long enough with you
Forget the world now we won't let them see
But there's one thing left to do
Now that the weight has lifted
Love has surely shifted my way
Marry me
Today and every day
Marry me
If I ever get the nerve to say
Hello in this cafe
Say you will
Mm-hmm
Marry Me (cover of Train)
As performed by Samantha and Emily Schultz
Songwriters
Pat Monahan, David Katz, Sam Hollander
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fU-8CDEzN7o
Rey’s Theme
Composed by John Williams
from the motion picture
Star Wars: The Force Awakens