“I’m on the run, nowhere to go. Living where I can.” Those are the thoughts that are running rampant in the head of 7 year old Kyle. Kyle tries to forget what happened to his family, but he cannot out of fear for his life. What does life have in store for Kyle? Will he find the meaning of life? Or will he live in agony for the rest of his life?
“I’m on the run, nowhere to go. Living where I can.” Those are the thoughts that are running rampant in the head of 7 year old Kyle. Kyle tries to forget what happened to his family, but he cannot out of fear for his life. What does life have in store for Kyle? Will he find the meaning of life? Or will he live in agony for the rest of his life?
Chapter One:
Living alone is something that has become normal for Kyle. Having lost all of his family, he has nobody to go to. Now Kyle is just fighting to stay alive. He hasn’t gotten a haircut in 2 and a half years and his hair is down to his back. All Kyle wants is someone to love him for who he is, and not be forced to act the way society wants him to. Kyle was never a fan of sports. He loved to read and write. He had no friends and was always alone. On this very day Kyle is just trying to find a place to wind down for the evening. He’s been walking for days now and is just trying to get as far away from where he grew up as possible. Having to go back there would scar Kyle for life. Having been abused by his father, Kyle wants nothing to do with the town he grew up in. Kyle finally decides to take shelter in a nearby park underneath a gazebo. As he is unloading his Sleeping Bag and pillow, he starts to feel dizzy and as soon as he gets his sleeping bag set up he slides in and falls asleep.
The next morning while Kyle is still asleep a Woman is arriving with her kids and happens to notice Kyle laying there. She contemplates waking the boy up but decides to wait for him to wake up before talking with him. “Go play” the woman says to her kids and goes to sit on a nearby bench. While her kids are playing she can’t help but notice that the boy under the gazebo looked helpless.
Kyle finally wakes up and starts to put his stuff away when he notices that a woman is watching him. Out of fear he quickly puts his stuff away and keeps on walking.
The woman notices Kyle leaving and asks a woman sitting next to her if she could watch her kids for a moment. She starts to walk towards Kyle and she notices that he isn’t in good shape. He’s as small as her 2 year old daughter and is very thin. “Excuse me son?” she says to Kyle.
Kyle hears someone talking in his direction and notices the lady that was watching him earlier trying to talk to him. He runs to a nearby tree and starts crying.
The woman follows Kyle to the tree and notices him crying. “It’s alright kid, you’ll be fine. What’s your name?” the woman asks Kyle.
“Kyle” he says very quietly.
“Kyle, are you okay?” the woman asks.
“No I’m not, I lost my entire family three days ago and I’ve been trying to get as far away from where I used to live as possible.”
“Do you have anywhere to go?” the woman asks.
“No I don’t.” Kyle says
“Would you want to come home with me?”
Kyle thinks for a moment before answering “You won’t hurt me will you?”
“I would never do that, come with me” the woman says as she picks Kyle up.
Kyle buries his face into the woman’s shoulder.
The woman says to Kyle “You can call me Amanda”
Kyle says to Amanda “Thank you.”
Amanda then says to her kids, “Come on kids it’s time to go.”
With kids in tow Amanda heads to the car and buckles in her kids then goes into the back of her car and gets another Car seat.
Kyle then asks “What’s with the car seat?”
Amanda says “With you being as small as you are, you need to be in a car seat.”
Kyle then says “Am I really that small?” he then realizes that he is the size of her oldest kid.
Amanda then picks him up and straps him into the car seat.
In the car nothing really happens. Amanda takes Kyle home with her for the evening and the next bit of dialogue is set at her home.
“Kyle honey can you come here please?” Amanda asks Kyle as she shoos her girls off to play.
Kyle looks very nervous as he walks over to talk to Amanda.
“Kyle, I need to ask you a few questions. Whether you answer them or not is up to you but, I encourage you to open up to me so I can help you.”
Kyle nods his head and Amanda takes out a pad of paper and a pen.
“Kyle, what happened to your family that you ended up out here?”
Kyle thinks for a moment on how to respond.
Kyle then says “My house burned down and I got my few things out and left. I couldn’t stand living with my father any longer, he was hurting me almost every day for every little thing I did wrong.”
Kyle is sobbing by this point and Amanda gives him a minute to collect himself.
“I also ran because he wouldn’t accept me for who I am. He kept forcing me to be something that I am not. He was trying to get me to do things that I’m not interested in.”
Amanda then says “Sounds like you’ve had a rough life there Kyle. Did you ever know your mother Kyle?”
Kyle just shook his head no and said “She died when I was a baby.”
Amanda then says “Kyle I get the feeling there’s more about you that you’re not telling me. You alluded to something but never actually said what you meant by what you were saying to me. You don’t have to tell me right now but it’d be easier if you told me now so I can try and help you.
Kyle thinks for a moment then decides to come out of his shell that he’s been in since he was 2 years old.
“I never got a normal childhood Amanda, I was forced to grow up really early and never got the chance to be a kid. I was forced to do everything myself because my dad was always busy and never had any time for me. To add to all of that I have some other issues that are bugging me that I’m afraid to tell anyone in fear of being beaten senseless.”
“Kyle, it’s ok. Just tell me what is on your mind. I won’t be mad at you for what you tell me. I’m here to help you, not hurt you.”
“Well um, ever since I was about 2 I’ve always felt like a girl inside. I’ve wished I was a girl for years but could never tell anyone because I would’ve gotten in trouble.”
At this point Kyle was bawling and Amanda just came over and cuddled him in her arms.
“Kyle, it’s ok. I’m here for you. But I need to ask you a few more questions than you can lay down ok?”
“Ok……..” Kyle says while sniffling.
“Kyle, do you wet the bed or have accidents during the day?”
“Yes I do, I’ve wet the bed all my life. I was never fully trained during the day either. I wet myself almost every day and can’t control myself.”
Amanda is looking at Kyle shocked by what she just heard. Bedwetting at his age is somewhat common but not being Day trained shocked her.
“Kyle, I think we can knock two birds out with one stone here.”
“What do you mean?”
“What I mean is that I can allow you to express yourself as a girl and help you with the wetting.”
Kyle looks shocked, gets up and hides behind a chair and says “I need to be alone for a bit, I need some time to think.”
Amanda says ok and goes off to check on her kids.
“Hey girls, how’s it going?”
“Good mommy!” They all say in unison
Amanda then proceeds to check their diapers one by one and all are dry. She then goes out to the kitchen and gets herself a glass of Lemonade.
After she gets her lemonade she goes out to check on Kyle.
“Kyle honey, are you ok?” She asks as she notices him in a fetal position looking frightened.
Kyle then says “Just scared right now, I need help!”
Amanda picks him up and says “its ok Kyle just calm down. Would you like some water to calm you?”
Kyle nods and Amanda proceeds to get him a glass of water which he drinks and calms down.
“Now Kyle, I understand you’ve been through a lot lately. But, I need your cooperation so I can help you okay?”
Kyle nods and Amanda carries him to her daughter Haley’s room.
“Now Kyle, I’m here to help you not hurt you. If at any point you get uncomfortable just say so and I’ll stop ok?”
Kyle nods and Amanda proceeds to get clothes out for Kyle.
“Would you like a dress with Dora on it or a shirt and skirt with Princesses on it?”
Kyle says “Dwess please.”
Amanda grabs the dress and gets some tights as well to go along with the dress.
Grabbing a diaper Amanda says “Until we start training you, you’ll be wearing these ok?”
“Also what should I call you now that you’re a girl?”
Kyle thinks for a moment then says “Lilly.”
“Ok Lilly, let’s get you dressed ok?”
Lilly nods and Amanda starts to get her dressed. Starting with the diaper, she powders Lilly up and then tapes the diaper up. After the diaper, Amanda puts the tights on Lilly.
“These tights feel good. I wish I could’ve tried them on sooner.”
“That’s good to hear Lilly.” Amanda says while smiling.
Amanda then puts the dress on Lilly and puts her hair into Pigtails.
Lastly, Amanda puts some socks on Lilly and leads her over to a mirror.
Lilly is looking at herself in awe. She never imagined she’d look this good as a girl.
Lilly then says “Thank you Amanda.”
She proceeds to hug Amanda and cry tears of joy.
“Would you like a nap sweetheart? I bet you’re exhausted after today.”
Lilly yawns and nods. Amanda takes her over to her 2 year old daughter Haley’s bed and tucks her in.
“Sweet Dreams Lilly.”
Lilly falls asleep almost instantly and Amanda turns the lights off excluding the nightlight.
"I’m on the run, nowhere to go. Living where I can.” Those are the thoughts that are running rampant in the head of 7 year old Kyle. Kyle tries to forget what happened to his family, but he cannot out of fear for his life. What does life have in store for Kyle? Will he find the meaning of life? Or will he live in agony for the rest of his life?
Chapter 2 :
Amanda walks to her office and cracks the door just enough to where she can hear her kids. She picks up the phone and calls one of her colleagues at work(She works for the county as a social Worker) to relay her situation.
“Hey Amanda, what can I do for you today?”
“I actually got 2 things I need you to do for me. The first being that I need you to look into a case about 3 counties over where the family died in a house fire. The second being I need to have you place a kid with me that I found homeless in a nearby park.”
“The first should be no problem but can you elaborate on the second?”
“I found this kid in a nearby park who coincidentally came from a house fire but I don't think this case is related to the first. Anyway, I found him and he was quite small for his age and had other things wrong as well.”
“My oh my, that is definitely a travesty. Do you have a name for the kid?”
“His first name is Kyle but he won't tell me his last name because of his past abuse.”
“You said he had other issues as well. Can you elaborate for the paperwork?”
“This kid is a Transgender kid. He’s a girl at heart but is a boy elsewhere.”
“Wow, that's a shocker.”
“Yea it sure is. That compounded with abuse is sad.”
“Get that foster paperwork done ASAP ok?”
“Will do hon, see you soon.”
With that Amanda hangs up the phone and goes to check on her girls.
“Hey girls, how are you?”
“Good!” They Both say in unison.
“I need to talk with u guys about something can you come here please.”
“Ok!” The girls say and they go to sit with their mother.
“You know the kid we picked up at the park?” Amanda says to her daughters.
They both nod and look at their mother confused.
“Well that kid will soon be apart of our family, I’m taking him in and you will have a new sister. She’s a little younger than you Haley.”
Haley is beaming at the thought of having another sister who’s around her age.
Her other daughter Samantha is in utter confusion after her mom says this to her.
“Now Sammy I can see your confused, I will explain it more when she wakes up ok?”
Sammy nods and hugs her mother.
“Would you two like to watch a movie?”
Both girls say yes and Amanda puts in her favorite Disney movie Cinderella.
Meanwhile, Lilly is fast asleep and ends up sleeping for about an hour before waking up.
Lilly gets out of bed and walks out into the living room rubbing the sleep out of her eyes.
“Hey Lilly how are you?” Amanda asks.
“Good.”
“Looks like someone needs a new diaper?”
Lilly nods and just snuggles up on the couch next to Amanda watching the movie.
After the movie finishes, Amanda takes the girls to their rooms and changes their diapers before getting them dressed to go shopping.
“Get your shoes on girls.”
“Here Lilly you can wear these.” Amanda says.
“Can you help me?”
“Sure thing.”
After getting their shoes on they head out to the car, where Amanda proceeds to buckle them into their carseats.
“Alright girls let’s go shopping!”
Haley and Sammy are beaming but Lilly is just staring out the window.
Haley asks her mom “Where we going?”
Amanda says, “It’s a surprise for all of you.”
Haley then turns to Lilly and says “Hey Lilly?”
Lilly turns to Haley and says “Yeah?”
“You otay?”
“Just scared.”
“Why Scared?”
“Me not loved til mommy found me.” Lilly says while starting to cry.
Haley reaches over and grabs Lilly’s hand and says “We wuv you Lilly, don't cry.”
“You no get it. Me hurt badwy inside by my daddy."
Amanda hears this and steps in “Lilly, it's ok to cry, we all have to at one point or another.”
Haley then says “ You want hug Lilly?”
Lilly nods and Haley says “When we get there I give you hug ok?”
Lilly nods and lays her head back to rest.
“We’re almost here girls!”
“Yay!” Says Sammy and Haley
Lilly looks on as she sees that they're pulling into a Mall.
“We going to Mall?” Asks Lilly
“We are Lilly! About once a month I treat the girls to a little shopping where they get clothes and what not!”
By this point Lilly was beaming. She was excited to go shopping because she never got to do so before today.
“Lilly, before we go in I want you to know that you can get what you want. Don't be afraid to ask ok?”
Lilly nods and waits for Amanda to unbuckle her carseat.
Amanda parks and proceeds to unbuckle the girls from their carseats.
Haley then gives Lilly the hug that she promised and they proceed to enter the mall.
“Where first girls?” Amanda asks the girls.
“Clothes!” All three girls say.
“Ok let's go.” Amanda says.
They enter a store
and start browsing the clothes.
Lilly looks at clothes but doesn't see anything that suits her.
“Find anything Lilly?” Amanda enquires
Lilly shakes her head and keeps looking.
“You've never done this have you Lilly?”
“No.” Lilly says softly.
“I’ve never had to pick out clothes because I only got hand me downs.” Lilly whispers
“Well let's find something you like ok?” Amanda states
Lilly nods and takes hold of Amanda’s hand
Lilly sees a nightgown with flowers on it and picks it up feeling the material but not sure if it suits her.
Amanda notices Lilly in deep thinking and proceeds to say “I think that’d look cute on you Lilly.”
“It's not that, I'm just not sure if it's me or not.”
“Want to try it on?”
“I don't even know what size I am.” Lilly vocalizes.
“Well you fit perfectly into Haley’s clothes so I know what size you are.”
“Come on Haley,Sammie, we’re going to try clothes on now.”
*Warning* Things are about to get shaky so be forewarned.
“Momma, can we all get a matching outfit?” Haley asks
Amanda ponders her daughter’s question and replies “I think you’re asking the wrong person here Haley.” Amanda winks at her daughter.
Lilly then proceeds to have a flashback.
3rd birthday, only thing I wanted was a doll to comfort me when I was alone. Instead my dad bought me this outfit that matched him to the T. My grandparents were so nice, they gave me my best gift that year. They got me the doll I wanted. The day after is when things changed. Dad no longer cared about me. When I did see him it was when he beat me senseless. I was always sad, my grandparents loved me, I wished I could live with them.
4th-7th birthday: No gifts to be seen, dad at work, me being alone with nobody to talk to. Was teased to death in school, my one saving grace was my friend Brianna. If it weren’t for her, i would be dead by now. She was the only one who’d talk to me. My grandparents died in a car accident the day before my 6th birthday and were killed. My dad wanted nothing to do with them, after the funeral we never spoke a word of them.
This past birthday was the worst yet, nobody loved me, nobody cared about me. No presents, no nothing.
*Snap back to reality*
“Lilly, would you like a matching outfit with me?” Haley asks
“What you thinking of?” Lilly asks
Haley proceeds to show Lilly an outfit consisting of a T-Shirt with Cinderella on it, a pink skirt and some white tights to go with it.
“That's adorable Haley.” Amanda states.
Lilly nods in agreement.
“Can we try it on mom?” Haley asks.
“Go right ahead, let me help you though.” Amanda
Amanda proceeds to help Haley and Lilly get into the outfit.
“Go look in the mirror you two.”
*Lilly looks at herself and is in awe at what she sees*
Lilly looks at Haley and comments “We look like twins.”
Haley looks at herself, then at Lilly and says “We do don't we?”
Amanda looks at the two of them dumbfounded. Lilly was right, they do look a lot like twins. “If I didn't know better I would have thought they were twins.” Amanda thinks to herself.
She happens to look over at Sammie who fell asleep.
“Alright, let's get your other clothes back on and we’ll pay and go somewhere else.”
*Amanda proceeds to get Haley and Lilly back into their other clothes. Then pays for the clothes and head off to a store that sells beds.*
“Now Lilly, this is a turning point for you. You get to pick your bed out. Now I need you to think hard ok?”
Lilly looks up at Amanda scared and Haley grabs her hand and whispers “Let's find you a bed ok?”
Lilly nods and hugs Haley then proceeds to look at all the beds.
Lilly then puts her hand on a bed that has princesses all over it but doesn't think it fits her. She continues on and finds her dream bed, a Pink bed with Dora on it. It is the one calling her name. She proceeds to sit on the bed and notices it has bed rails on one side.
Amanda looks on as Lilly inspects the bed, thinking to herself “That bed screams Lilly in my eyes” then proceeds to ask “Is this what you want Lilly?”
Lilly looks up at Amanda and states “I think so, this seems to feel me inside.”
*If not by sheer luck, or just a mere coincidence, a floor salesman walks up to Amanda*
“Anything I can help you gals with?” The man politely asks.
“Yes actually, I'm buying a bed for my daughter and she picked this one.” Pointing at the bed Lilly was sitting on.
“Sure thing, I’ll have one of the clerks ring you up for the purchase but before I go I must ask do you want the set or just the bed?”
“What comes with the set?”
“The set includes a Dresser, the bed, and a nightstand.”
“What's the difference in price?”
“The set itself is on sale this week and it's only about 25$ more than the bed itself.”
“I think we’ll get the set then if the price is that reasonable.”
“Alright then, I’ll have a clerk ring you up and one of the men in back will bring the set out to your car.”
“Thank you very much.”
“Just doing my job.”
“Amanda, I know this may sound strange, but I already see you as a mother to me. The girls also feel like sisters to me. What I'm trying to say is, can……..” Lilly chokes up at this point and Haley embraces her sister as Lilly calms herself down.
Amanda is tearing up at this point and says to Lilly “ No need to say anymore Lilly, I know what you were going to ask. Yes it's fine if you call me mom/momma. You're my daughter now Lilly and I don't see you as anything else.”
Lilly gets up off the bed and hugs Amanda.
“Thank you, You're the mother I never had.”
Amanda then takes Lilly and Haley’s hands and heads up to pay for the bed set.
“Have a good evening ma'am.” The cashier says after the items are paid for.
*Amanda heads out of the store with all three kids and a worker puts the bed set in the back of the car for Amanda.*
*Amanda then buckles the girls into their Car seats and they head home.*
*All three girls slept on the way home and by the time they got home it was time to get ready for bed.*
Sammie being the youngest was done first. Followed by Haley and then Lilly.
“Lilly, would you like anything to drink in bed?”
Lilly shakes her head no “I can't have anything in bed, last time I did I got sick.”
Amanda looks at Lilly shocked. This little girl really was deprived of her childhood.
“How about if I help you? Would that make you feel better?”
Lilly thinks for a moment and nods slowly not being sure what to expect.
Amanda goes out to the kitchen and makes up a warm bottle of milk for Lilly. “Hopefully this will calm her down after such a stressful day.”
Lilly waits in the living room looking at what she is wearing. A footed sleeper with Disney characters all over. She wonders if she’ll ever feel normal.
Amanda returns and scoops up Lilly and puts Lilly in her arms.
“Lilly, I want you to know I care about you. I said this earlier but I’ll say it again. If at any point you don't feel comfortable with me doing something then tell me and I’ll stop.”
Lilly nods and Amanda puts the bottle into Lilly’s mouth.
Lilly is already tired but the bottle cements that fact and she falls asleep drinking the bottle.
Amanda takes the bottle out and replaces it with a binky.
She then puts Lilly in a Pack and Play for the night noting that when her husband gets home tomorrow she'll have to have him set up Lilly’s bed.
End of Chapter 2
Chapter 3:
Amanda goes into her office and sits in her chair.
“My oh my what a day!”
*She then picks up her phone and dials up her husband.*
“Hey hun how’s you’re day been today?” Amanda’s husband asks.
“Oh it was great, and I have a surprise for you when you get home tomorrow.”
“Oh really? Well I can’t wait to see it.”
“By the way, you’ll be doing some assembling when u get home.”
“Ok hun that’s no big deal I figured I’d have to do something now that it’s spring.”
“Well hun I love you and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Bye Dear.” Amanda says as she hangs up the phone.
*Amanda heads off to bed and goes to bed.*
*The next morning Sammie wakes up first but leaves her sisters alone and just plays quietly in her room.*
*Meanwhile Amanda is starting to stir in bed and finally gets up and puts a robe on to head downstairs.*
*She checks on the girls and sees Sammie awake but Haley and Lilly still asleep*
“Good morning sweetheart.” Amanda says to Sammie.
“Good morning momma.” Sammie says before standing up to give her mom a hug.
Meanwhile Lilly starts to stir downstairs and feels a bit strange. Her bottom hurt and she felt sick.
Haley finally wakes up and goes to find her momma.
“Hi momma.” Haley says to Amanda.
“Hey Sweetie, did you sleep ok?”
Haley nodded and proceeds to walk away to go check on her “twin”.
Lilly is just laying down trying to come to terms with what happened yesterday.
As she is thinking Haley comes up to her and says “Hey Lilly, how are you”
“Ok I guess, my bottom hurts but that's nothin.”
Amanda then walks in and says “Hi Lilly, how’d you sleep?”
Lilly states “Better than normal I guess.”
Amanda says to Lilly “ That’s good. You ready to get dressed? We’ve got a busy day today.”
Lilly nods and Amanda takes her out of the pack and play and takes her and Haley upstairs to get them dressed.
As soon as they get upstairs Amanda picks Haley up and changes her diaper then proceeds to dress her in a dress and tights.
She then proceeds to send Haley off to play with her sister.
Amanda then puts Lilly up on the table and asks Lilly “Were you smart in school before all this started?”
Lilly shakes her head no. “They had us take a test last year and it said I was as smart as a 2 year old. Lilly then proceeds to shake uncontrollably. Thankfully she was already dressed and Amanda could pick her up and calm Lilly down.
Lilly’s shaking stops after a few minutes and she proceeds to hug Amanda and whispers “Thank you mommy.”
Amanda replies “you're welcome sweetie, I love you to death.”
Lilly then asks “What happened to the girls daddy?”
Amanda approaches this question carefully as to not confuse Lilly. “The girls daddy is a nice man, he works all over the place because he runs a company.”
Lilly doesn't respond so Amanda continues “He’ll be home today and will meet his newest daughter today”
Amanda then proceeds to put Lilly on the floor and Lilly looks up at Amanda confused but doesn't say anything.
“Do you want to go play with the girls? Or do you want to cuddle with me in the living room until Daddy comes home?” Amanda asks Lilly.
“Cuddle.”
“Ok let’s go then.” Amanda says getting up and grabbing Lilly’s hand and leading her down to the living room.
“Lilly, you seem scared of something right now. Is there anything bothering you right now?”
Lilly doesn’t really have an answer to that question that would make sense so she says “I dunno. This just seems like a dream to me. You took me in without a second thought. You are letting me be myself and helping me overcome problems I don’t think I’d ever have by myself.”
“You’re giving me the second chance at life I could’ve only dreamt about before this happened. I never got any sort of love my early years in life. The two people that ever showed me any sort of love were my grandparents but they died a few years ago so I lost any sort of love in my life. All I ever wanted was a chance at doing things over and you’re giving me that.”
By this point Amanda is the one crying, she never realized how much this actually meant to Lilly.
“I don’t even know what to say Lilly, I knew that this meant something to you but I never realized that it meant that much to you for getting a second chance at life. I do want to ask you something Lilly. How far do you want to go with this?”
Lilly hadn’t thought about this until this point but says “ I really don’t know. I wanted to be thought of as a 2 year old like Haley but I didn’t think much further than that. I always thought of myself as the one nobody cared about when I was in school. I had one friend so to say but she moved during christmas this year.”
Amanda hugs Lilly then says “You’re family now Lilly, your free to be whoever you so choose. If that means you need a restart at life then we’ll give that to you. If that means that you want to be a girl that’s ok we’ll help you with that too. We’re here for you Lilly and I want to make sure you know that. You will become ours soon. I had the paperwork rushed so I could help you with all your problems.”
“Before I get too much further I do want to ask something, Do you happen to know anything from any previous doctor’s visits?”
Lilly thinks for a moment and says “The only 2 things I remember are that the doctor said I was both a boy and a girl and that I was heavily behind on shots.”
Amanda sits there thinking “Did I hear what I think I just heard? The kid sitting with me right now is Intersexed? The shot thing wasn’t major because she could have that sorted out when she took the girls to the doctor’s next.”
“Lilly, if what you said is true about you being both a boy and a girl, then we could have your unneeded parts removed and you could grow up the same as Haley and Sammie.”
Lilly doesn’t know what to say at this point as she is shocked by what her mother is telling her right now.
“I’d like that but I don’t know how i’d feel if things went wrong”
“Leave that part to me and your Father, in the meantime how about we go take care of getting Sammie dressed?
Lilly goes with her momma to go get Sammie and get her ready for the day.
After Sammie is dressed they hear the front door open and close.
Lilly thinks in her head “oh that must be the girl’s daddy.” Something didn’t quite feel right in her body about the possibility of the person that just arrived in the house actually being her new father.
This feeling got her scared and she ended up going back in the room they were just in and hid under the bed that was in the room. Her memories started flowing back in rapid succession and really startled Lilly.
The memories of her real father beating her senseless every time she walked in the door. The memories of her worthless father not giving her a care in the world. The memories of her father never wanting to care for his kid at any point in her life.
Meanwhile, downstairs the girls are overjoyed to have their father back and are bombarding him with hugs and kisses once he got in the door.
Lilly upon hearing this starts to loosen up a bit and starts to calm herself down.
Amanda starts to feel like something is missing but she can't quite remember what. She then realizes that Lilly is still upstairs and says she’ll be right back to her husband.
She walks into the room where she changed the girls and sees Lilly lying on the floor just staring into thin air.
Amanda says “Lilly are you ok?”
Lilly looks over and sees Amanda and gets up and hugs her hard.
“No I not okay.”
Amanda picks Lilly up and sits in a chair she has in the room and starts rocking.
“It's okay to cry Lilly, we won't hold it against you if you feel like you have to cry. We're here for you and we know you were not loved previously. Just let it out Lilly, keeping this inside you will only make it worse.”
Lilly doesn't know what to think right now. On one side she wants to cry but the other side of her is resisting what Amanda just said.
“Tank yous Amanda. You weally made me happy. “
Amanda hugs Lilly and asks her “Are you ready to meet your new daddy?”
Lilly looks up at Amanda and nods.
Amanda picks Lilly up and brings Lilly down by her husband where he is playing with his girls in the family room.
Her husband proceeds to look up at her with Lilly in her arms and says “Who is this little cutie?”
Lilly blushes at being called a cutie.
Amanda then proceeds to say “ This is Lilly, a friend of the girls who was orphaned after her house burned down with her parents in it.”
“I heard about that house fire on the news. Such a tragedy. Are we adopting her?”
“Yes we are, this was my surprise that I mentioned over the phone.”
“Before we go much further hun I must warn you that she may not open up to you right away. She was abused by her father and doesn't take to men very easy.”
“We’ll take it slow hun, but I do want to hold her if she’ll let me.”
Lilly doesn't really comprehend what he just said but Amanda saves the day by saying “Can Daddy hold you for a bit sweetheart?”
Lilly whispers “He won't hurt me will he?”
“No he won't but if you feel uncomfortable then just say so.”
Lilly nods and Amanda hands Lilly over to her husband.
In the arms of her new father, Lilly feels quite unusual, not really uncomfortable but just a sense of kindness that she never felt in the arms of any man since her grandfather.
Is this person ok to be my new father?
Amanda is looking on at her husband holding Lilly, watching her to see any signs of her not being comfortable. To her surprise Lilly is taking this quite well.
Her husband says “ She's adorable. But before we go to eat I would like a shower because the shower in my hotel room broke the last night I was there so I couldn't shower before coming home.”
Her husband stands up and sets Lilly on the floor next to Haley and Sammie.
“I’ll be back girls. I'm going to take a shower then we will go get some food ok?”
Haley and Sammie nod but Lilly doesn't do anything because she honestly didn't know what to do.
After her husband left to shower, Amanda picked up Lilly and sat on the couch with her.
“Were you ok with daddy?”
“I be ok wit daddy, he seem nice.”
“Me no feel wight when he talked before weaving.
“You’ll get used to it Lilly.”
About 10 minutes pass and Daddy comes back out in a different set of clothes.
“Are we ready to go ladies?”
“We just need to get shoes on and we’ll be ready.”
Amanda helps the girls get shoes on and then grabs the diaper bag and heads out to the car.
She gets the girls in their car seats and they head off to eat.
While they are on their way to the restaurant dad decides to ask Amanda some stuff about Lilly.
“I know we were talking about adopting another kid but I wasn't expecting it so soon.”
“There's more to Lilly than what meets the eye.”
“I had a feeling something like that was the case.”
“She was abused by her father the first few years of her life and is very shy.”
“How old is she? I don't think I asked you before we left.”
“She's about a month younger than Haley.”
“There's more that I need to ask but I think she's a keeper. She's such a doll.”
By the time that conversation finished they were at the restaurant.
Change of the Mask: New Beginning
Lilly85
This is a story I have had on the back burner for awhile and I decided to start writing this again to share with all of you. As far as descriptions go I had no idea what to put for this as it’s a bit different than what you might expect. This isn’t my typical story but I hope you all enjoy this journey.
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Here I am, sitting in the office of my case worker once again. I’ve been bounced around from several different foster homes and I always end up back here with the case worker. It’s not my fault that I can’t do sports like a normal child should be able to. The only thing I’m remotely good at doing that’s even athletic is running. I’ve always been a strong runner but my foster parents always refused to let me run at school because they said I’m not allowed to do sports unless it’s Football or Baseball so I just ran on my own time after homework was done and it honestly became a stress reliever for me.
Truthfully, running for me has become my release from the horrible people that I ended up having to stay with.
The reason I’m with my case worker this time is that apparently, I have an older sister who wants to adopt me and help me get my life back on track.
I guess I should tell you who I am. My name is Alex and I’m 10 years old. I’m pretty average sized for a kid my age albeit a bit skinny but not because I don’t eat. Rather it’s because of all the running I do. So I am healthy, I’m just a bit small.
So I’m listening to my case worker talking to me about my sister and her family and I come to find out that she has three kids. Alexa age 13, Sarah aged 7, and Samantha aged 6.
I think to myself, great a house full of girls. Not what I had in mind but she is my sister so I guess I can’t blow her off . Mom always preached that you don’t abandon your family and I feel like I would be abandoning my sister if I blew her off .
Apparently, she’s also very wealthy as well which is interesting. She’s married and is in her early 30’s.
My case worker dismisses me after that and I go back to the room in the group home I currently call home. I lay in my bed and just stare into the ceiling thinking about what my sister thinks about me.
I think about what my case worker told me about my sister. She’s a wealthy married woman in her 30’s and has three daughters. There is something that worries me slightly, given her wealth I probably won’t be able to continue running the way I currently do. She’ll probably restrict me from doing much of anything as her way of saying she’s “protecting” me.
I guess I’m also a bit of an abstract kid in the sense that besides running, I don’t really do anything else that's athletic. When I’m not running I’m usually either reading books or watching tv.
I’m also a little strange regarding the kind of TV I like to watch. To put it simply, the TV shows I like to watch are shows that you’d typically think of as shows that a girl would watch. The shows that are made to appeal to young boys never really caught my attention and I always just changed the channel after seeing the first few minutes of the show.
Other than the tv shows I’ve never done anything else that girls usually do. Although all things considered I wouldn’t be opposed to trying any of the stuff that girls like to do.
________________________
*3 days Later*
I’m informed that my sister is in the building and is looking over my file and is talking to my case worker.
“I see Alex has been unlucky with foster homes since the incident with our parents.”
“Unfortunately yes, it seems like he’s cursed or something.”
“I also see that he’s quite athletic albeit a bit skinny.”
“That’s not from lack of eating though, he eats plenty and he’s skinny because of his love of running.”
“I just read the portion on that and it’s actually quite interesting that he likes to run so much.”
“It’s one of the only things he does actually. Besides his running, he normally just lays in bed watching tv. The other boys find him strange and don’t really bother trying to play with him.
From what he’s told us, his life before the incident wasn’t much better. He had no friends and it was just him and your parents.”
“I wonder why my parents never got him involved with any sort of sports given that he likes to run so much.”
“I couldn’t tell you that even if I wanted to because he won’t say anything about that for whatever reason.”
“Hmm, to me it sounds like he’s hiding something. What that might be I won’t know until he tells someone but it is very strange that he can run so well but he never did any sort of sports.”
“Are you sure you’re ready to take him now? He’s packed and ready, all we have to do is go and get him.”
“Our mother always taught me to never abandon your family and I messed up by leaving him in the system. I need to make amends on that.”
“I understand, let’s go get him shall we?”
Meanwhile, while they walk out of the office and head in the direction of his room,Alex is just sitting in his chair looking out of the window.
“This is it, my final day in this place.
Hopefully I never have to come back here.”
I lay my head on the table in front of me and doze off for a few minutes until I feel a hand touch my shoulders and I turn around to see who could only be my sister.
I look at her not knowing what to say.
Without saying anything I pick up my bag and walk out of the room down towards the front entrance where I walk out and sit on a bench looking up at the sky.
As I’m looking up at the sky I mouth the words “thank you”
I look back toward the front door and see my sister walking towards me and I just get up and walk beside her until we get to the taxi that was there to pick us up.
Our drive to the airport was pretty uneventful. Nothing was said and I just looked out of the window.
Once we get everything situated at the airport and we get on the plane she looks over at me and smiles.
“I was hoping for you to say something before now but I guess beggars can’t be choosers can they?”
“What is there to say? I hardly know you and I’m being put in a really weird situation. There’s nothing for me to say.”
She looks at me confused so I continue “I didn’t even know I had any siblings until I was told about you adopting me. Mom and Dad never talked about me having any siblings so I grew up thinking I was an only child.”
She then proceeds to show me pictures and says “These are my daughters, they are looking forward to meeting you.”
I look at the picture of her daughters and say “They are very pretty for their ages.”
She smiles at me and says “They are indeed. Sarah was the most excited to meet you. She thinks you’re cute.”
“She wouldn’t be the first to say that. Not that I care, I grew my hair out for a reason and I’m not going to cut it just because some people think I look like a girl.
Nobody is the same and each person is able to be whatever they want to be. Ok, I have long hair, who cares I sure don’t.”
My sister put one arm around me and smiled.
“What are you interested in other than running? I’m just curious because I had no idea what to get you to play with due to the fact that you never told them anything.”
“To put it simply, I have no interest in your typical toys. They just don’t appeal to me like they do other kids. Other than running I really have nothing. I’m just boring in that regard. The only other enjoyment I get is homework and TV.”
“Speaking of school where are you in that regard?”
“Um, how do I put this…. I’m slow?”
“Let me rephrase that, what grade are you in?”
“I’ve never been in an actual classroom with other kids. I was always in a separate room alone with a teacher helping me alone. I really couldn’t tell you where I am because I was never in a normal classroom with other kids.”
“We can get that sorted soon enough but I do want to know what kind of stuff you like to watch on TV?”
“Promise you won’t freak out on me if I tell you?”
“I promise, I won’t hurt you in any way for this.”
I whisper to her “I’m one of those weird boys who like to watch shows that girls normally watch. I never told anyone this because I was too scared and embarrassed that I even liked that stuff.”
I look down at the floor on the plane feeling like I wanted to cry my eyes out.
My sister is rubbing my back at this point and I felt ashamed of who I am now.
My sister tells me to sit up straight so she can talk to me.
“Alex, it’s ok to be different, nobody is going to judge you for that. I do want to know this though, are you happy with who you are?”
“I really don’t know, I never really thought about it. Why would I in the environments I was stuck in? Am I confused about myself? Yes, but I really don’t know who I am at this point.”
My sister puts my hands in hers and says “Alex, I love you, I would do anything to make you happy. Hopefully we can work out all the confusion that is going through your head and help you see who you really are.”
I look at her and bury my head into her shoulder and start crying. All the emotions that had built up to this point are coming out and there is no stopping it.
She hugs me and rubs my back as I let out all of the tears that had built up over the years. After what seemed like forever I finally calm down. I still have my head on her shoulder as she runs her fingers through my hair which relaxes me even more.
“You know, this hair is kind of wasted on a boy normally. However, I think you make it look nice Alex.”
“You want to know why I started growing my hair out? As a way to remember Mom…..”
My sister hugs me and says “You make it look cute. I hope you’ll let me play around with it sometimes.”
“Maybe, I was actually thinking about cutting it. It’s getting to be too heavy and I really just want to move on from all that has happened.”
“Whatever you want to do is fine by me. It’s your choice and I’m not going to force you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
“Truthfully, I like it long but I don’t like how heavy it is. That is the main reason I was considering cutting it short but I’m not sure now.”
I’m still laying on my sister at this point and I have so many things going through my mind right now that it seems crazy that I’m with family again.
I can’t help but think that my sister’s family won’t like me and I’ll still be stuck in this shell of a person that has no real meaning to life.
Thinking even further, I realize that I don’t really identify as a boy or girl. I’m somewhere in the middle and it’s quite weird.
Can you really not be one or the other? Or is it just me lying to myself thinking that’s the case. I really am different, I like to run and watch girly TV shows. Does that make me not a boy or girl though? Girls run too and there are a lot of older boys who like to watch girl stuff and nobody thinks twice about that.
Could I actually be a girl and I just never realized it? It would make sense then why those TV shows attracted me the way they did. It really makes me wonder who I actually am inside.
I fall asleep not long after and I’m woken up once it was time to get off the plane.
I’m holding my sister’s hand as we get off the plane and I really start to get nervous about how her family is going to feel about me.
We walk out of the plane and into the main part of the plane where I instantly see her family waiting for us at the end of the walkway.
Once we reached her family, I felt something that I hadn’t felt since our parents died, I felt a sense of security that I thought I’d never feel again.
Her kids give me hugs and I really can’t describe the emotions that are going through my head while all of this is going on. As we’re walking out of the airport her kids bring me up to date on all of their various exploits, ranging from Gymnastics, to Soccer, to Ballet, and to Swimming.
As I’m listening to the kids talk about all that they do, I realize that I’m nothing special compared to them. I also realize that they’re all pretty good at what they do.
I can’t knock any of them for that but I feel a sense of jealousy in them being good at what they do. Truth be told, I want to get into actual sports but I know better than to try and do an actual sport because I’m simply too small for my age group in pretty much all sports.
I guess there are small players in sports like Soccer and Football but those guys are speed demons. While I may be a good runner in my own right, I run for distance not speed.
We get in the car and head to their home, and I feel like I have no place in this family and their athletic exploits.
I start to wonder if I actually fit in with this family. I feel like the black sheep of this family at this point and I know now that I have to at least try and do something as apart of this family.
I know that not every kid is the athletic type, but after being thrust into a very athletic family the way I am now, it really gives you a sense of not being able to do much even if you’re good at running like I am.
As we’re driving I start looking out the window just looking at the surrounding area that I will be calling home now. I start to wonder how I will fit into this family.
Not long after that, we pulled into the driveway of the place I will be calling home.
It’s very big, has a big yard and has a very pretty flower bed to boot.
Once the car stops, we get out and head inside. My sister tells her kids to go play while my sister, her husband and I talk. They oblige and head their separate ways.
We head into what I can only assume to be the living room and all three of us sit in separate chairs.
“Alex, I’m sorry for not getting you out of there sooner than I did. When I heard that Mom had another kid I felt a sense of betrayal that she didn’t care about her own Daughter and that she had another child to fill the void inside her. I know Mom always preached that you don’t abandon family and I still go by that to this day. I will admit though that I wasn’t sure if it was right for me to end up with you considering that I had 3 kids already and the fact that you technically are their uncle. It took some real soul searching to realize how wrong I was. You’re every bit of family as my kids are and I abandoned you when they passed on.
When I heard that you were in that home I came to the realization that it was time that I make things right and make the family whole again.”
I just look down at the floor wondering what I did to deserve a sister as a guardian. I have nothing to say to them, I’m useless to this family. They’re all very athletic and I’m just nothing.
Her husband comes over and puts his arm around me then says:
“Alex, we know this must be hard to take in. We’re here for you whoever you may be or whatever you might want to be. Given what you’ve been through I can understand you not wanting to open up to us right away.
When you open up to us is up to you, but it’ll be easier for all of us if you take the first step and tell us how you feel.”
I look over to him not knowing what to say. After several minutes of silence, I finally say:
“I really don’t know who or what I am right now. Sometimes I think I’m one thing and other times I’ll think I’m something different. I don’t really fit into any one area. It’s gotten to a point lately that I stopped talking to people out of fear that I’d be hurt by someone for being the way I am. It’s not something I can really explain it’s just something I don’t understand.
Does it really matter though? I am having to learn how to live in a family I know nothing about. The rest of the family feels like it has this superiority complex that I do not seem to understand, and you guys just left me in the system for 3 years to just rot away in that place! How should I be able to trust you as a parent when you left me in the system like that? Does that sound like something any kid should have to go through? You may be my guardians now but right now I have no reason to trust you guys after what you forced me to go through.”
After letting that sit for a bit I continue “You guys expect me to just mesh into this family of yours and I have a hard time believing that you had a good reason to just leave me there for those years I was there. You had the resources to take in another kid but you were being selfish and only looking out for yourself and what you thought was right. You don’t follow at all what Mom instilled into us as kids. You think everything is just going to go back to normal and just fall back into your little routine which you’re expecting me to follow and to be honest you’ll probably force me into some sort of extracurricular activity that I don’t want anything to do with. That’s just who you are as a person and I honestly don’t know how you expect me to mold into this family as things stand. I’m sorry but I will not be calling you my parents as you guys are simply my guardians. You will not force that upon me either.
Everything you guys have now is more than I would have ever had and I don’t think I can actually come to terms with the fact that I’ve gone from having to work for everything myself to just have things given to me. I can’t take people who are like that and I will not be taking freebies from anyone in this family. It doesn’t matter who it is, they can try all they want but I’m not here to just be given everything under the sun. I’ve earned everything to this point and I will not be forced into taking things I didn’t earn. You’re some fancy hotshots that have all this money but your kids have no idea what hard work means do they? They just rambled on and on in the car about all these things they get to do but they didn’t earn their places in all that. Oh no, not at all they had their spots bought for them by you guys and I think that is a load of rubbish. You guys have no sympathy for anyone who’s had to earn their way to get to where they actually are now. I will not have things handed to me, I earn my keep and that’s that.”
After I let that sink in for a bit I finished my statement by saying “You may be my guardian and you may at the surface seem like a better person than Mom was, but I know better. You gave up Mom’s teachings the minute you had your first child and don’t act like I can’t tell just by looking at the house you live in. This is not my calling, I already have my goals set in stone and there’s no amount of you trying to persuade me otherwise that they will ever change. Don’t think that I’m going to tell you what my plans are now, IF I did you would just throw a fit.
I’ll try and get along with your kids the best I can, but there will be no calling me their brother. That is not ok in my book and should you forget that I will force my way back into the system you just took me out of and you will never see me again.”
I stand up and walk towards the other side of the room before saying “Mom was right, everyone in her family has no sentiment for family. Not that she ever let me talk to her personally.”
My sister looks at me and asks “What do you mean by you couldn’t talk to Mom about personal stuff?”
I sigh and say “As I grew older, Mom paid less and less attention to me as time went on and when I did try and talk to her she just ignored me like I was nothing to her. Oh no, she had Dad talk to me about everything. She couldn’t even begin to understand how her child ended up being the way he was. Did she ever bother to ask me personally no, she said that if I wanted to talk to her about anything even if it was something school related it had to be relayed through Dad as she thought of me as her unwanted child. When they passed I saw it as a blessing in disguise because I didn’t have to deal with them anymore and I’d eventually get a home where someone did care for me. Dad wasn’t much better either, all he did was get drunk at the bar before coming home and passing out in bed before going to work the next morning….”
Before my sister said anything in response I continued on by saying “Before you ask why Mom and Dad never got me into sports, it was because they couldn’t afford it. Me running the way I do was me finding a way to pass time in a way that I could get away from everything that was bothering me. Considering I never had any real friends, running really was the only thing I did minus homework and the little bit of TV I watched. I’ll admit that I was just burying my anguish by doing what I did however, there wasn’t any way for me to let out all the pain I was feeling. For years I felt like I was putting a face on to appease everyone around me while also hiding all the pain that was going through me. I also know that I’m too small for most sports in my age group so there really is no chance for me to even try any sports knowing that I’m too small for every sport I could even go out for.”
“Before you even bother to ask, I have no interest in the athletic activities that your kids are into. I have no interest in socializing with any of their friends, nor do I want any part of their social lives. The only contact I want with anyone outside this house is if we’re eating with them or if it’s some sort of weird gathering that I’m forced to go to because I’m “too young” to stay here by myself in your eyes. To think I went from an environment where I had to do everything myself to one where I don’t even get a say in anything. How silly is that?
Now if you’ll excuse me I need some time to think. I need some time alone to clear my head”
They don’t say anything else and just get up and go into the kitchen.
I lay there thinking that these people are a bit much for me but then again they’re technically family so I guess that I can’t complain too much. Everything I said to them is true. I want to earn what I get and not have it handed to me on a silver platter, they’ll probably still try but to be honest I really don’t want that. It wouldn’t feel right.
Did I go too far? I really don’t know what to think about this whole situation. Makes me wonder if this was a setup from the beginning.
I start to realize that I was being sort of a jerk but I felt I had to stand my ground.
As I’m thinking I see Sarah coming down the stairs and she just smiles at me and heads towards where my sister is at.
All this time I could have been doing something useful if I were still where I was. Now, I have to start everything over, the whole situation is making me a bit tense. Things are rather difficult to understand. Maybe I was wrong about these people.
It also makes me wonder if I really would be better off back where I was.
With all that is going through my head I wish I was at the home still. At least if I were there I would be able to have a nice jog to clear my head.
Nothing really is making any sense to me right now. Why did Sis wait 3 years to come to get me? If she had taken me in back then, I probably wouldn’t be such a mess right now and I’d probably be a normal child.
By this point I’m pretty much back to normal for the most part and Sarah comes over and sits next to me and hugs me.
“When Momma told us that she was going to get you I was a little bit scared as to what you would be like. When I heard what you had been through, I wanted to cry that entire night as I can’t imagine what that had to be like to go through.”
“When you’re in a situation like that, you just take each day as it comes. You don’t really have time for much else. It may be hard for you to understand this but I was happy with what I had. If your Mom hadn’t come to get me, I would have been just fine. I had all that I ever wanted and I didn’t really mind the orphanage. When you’ve been in there for as long as I have it starts to grow on you.”
“I kinda understand where you’re coming from a little bit Alex. It makes a bit of sense now why you are the way you are. You have a carefree attitude that I envy you for. You see things for how they are. You really are special Alex and I mean that in a good way.”
She hugs me tightly as I start to realize that I have nothing to worry about and I can really be myself around Sarah.
“Alex, would you like to come play with me? It might take your mind off things a bit.”
I look at her with a bit of a curious look and she says: “You need to relax a bit Alex, I know you’re scared and that’s ok. I’m just trying to make things easier for you.”
She stands up and helps me up and we go into what I can only assume is her playroom.
I look around the room and take everything in that is here.
“Wow……”
“Pretty neat isn’t it?”
“Yeah…..”
She starts pulling things out and I sit on the floor watching her set things up for us to do some coloring.
“I thought we’d start simple and work our way up?”
I nod in agreement and we start coloring. I really start to relax and I get into my zone where everything around me seems to vanish. I look up at Sarah who has a very big smile on her face and I say:
“What?”
“The way you zoned out there reminds me of myself a lot. I see a lot of myself in you, Alex.”
I don’t know whether or not to take that as a compliment or not so I just go back to what I was working on but without zoning out this time.
“Alex, is there anything you’re any good at?”
As I’m coloring I think for a moment before saying: “I’m pretty good on the piano.”
She looks at me with a curious look: “You play Piano?”
I nod and she asks “Would you play something for me? Alyssa has a piano in her room, maybe we can get her to let you play it?”
I say: “That sounds like fun actually.”
We clean up the coloring stuff real quick and then head over to Alyssa’s room and we see her tuning a guitar.
“Hey Sarah, Alex how are you doing?”
I look at Sarah and she basically comes out and says: “Alex here knows how to play piano and we were wondering if you wouldn’t mind him playing a song or two for us?”
Alyssa looks at me with a smile and says “Of Course you can Alex, let me adjust the seat so it fits you better.”
She goes over and adjusts the seat for me and I then sit down and adjust my hands before starting.
The first song I decided to do was Love Song by Sara Bareilles. I decided to sing to this one as I play this as I know this song by heart.
“Head under water
And they tell me to breathe easy for a while
The breathing gets harder, even I know that
You made room for me but it’s too soon to see
If I’m happy in your hands
I’m unusually hard to hold on to
Blank Stares at Blank Pages
No easy way to say this
You mean well, but you make this hard on me
I’m not gonna write you a love song
Cause you asked for it
Cause you need one, you see
I’m not gonna write you a love song
Cause you tell me it’s
Make or Break in this
If you’re on your way
I’m not gonna write you to stay
If all you have is leaving I’m gonna need a better
Reason to write you a love song today”
After that point I finish the song and I turn to see Sarah and Alyssa with tears in their eyes.
“That was beautiful Alex. I had no idea that you could do anything like that.” Says Sarah
“That was stunning Alex, what else can you play?”
“I can play a lot, my favorites are things like Celine Dion, Seal, and Mariah Carey.”
Alyssa looks at me and asks “Do you know My Heart Will Go On?”
I laugh and say “Anyone who doesn’t learn that one first is doing an injustice to us all”
She pulls out two chairs for her and Sarah and it was at that point that I realized that Sarah had a Violin out and ready to play.
Alyssa had her guitar out and then said: “This is a bit crazy Alex, I would have never thought you would have that in you.
I look at her and say “When you have as much time to be alone as I did you have to find ways to pass time.”
Continued in Chapter 2
Change of the Mask: New Beginning
Chapter 2
Lilly85
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“In the last chapter we started this journey into the new life for our protagonist Alex. He was in the system of the government for 3 years and was finally adopted by an older sister he had no idea he had to begin with. Alex was frustrated that his sister hadn’t gotten him out of the system years ago and was wondering why if she was raised on the fact that you don’t leave family behind then why did she leave him in the system for as long as she did. That pent up anger inside him led to him blowing up towards his sister and her husband about a variety of things. Then after he finished he asked to be left alone. To end the last chapter Alex and his nieces talked about music and he played and sang a song for them. As the chapter ended they were preparing to do a song as a group.”
“I guess that kind of makes sense in a way Alex.” Says Alyssa
Sarah then goes on to ask “How long have you been playing piano for Alex?”
I think for a moment then reply “I first learned to play when I was about 5 from one of our neighbors at the time. I eventually started learning on my own time after that neighbor moved away when I was 6. From there it was just me learning whatever i could find materials for.”
Alyssa looks at Alex and says “That’s actually quite amazing Alex. To be mostly self taught and be able to do stuff like that is actually quite impressive.”
I look at her, shrug then say “To be honest with you I never really gave much thought into how good I might have actually been. It was just one of my ways to get through the day when I had nothing else to do. The orphanage I was at had plenty of materials for me to go through and I just went through them one by one as time went along. I didn't care what it was but rather, I was more focused on just getting through the day in whatever way I could. There’s only so much you can do when you have nobody to be with.”
Alyssa goes onto say “Can I ask why nobody liked you Alex?”
I sigh as I hate being asked this question but reply “It’s a long story but essentially everybody hated me because I wasn’t interested in anything they were interested in doing. I just stopped going outside for recess for a while and just stayed out of the way. I didn’t bother saying anything because there would have been no point. The teachers and principals didn’t care about stuff like that. They were more focused on making sure kids were getting a good education and in their words Letting the kids be kids”.
Alyssa sighs then says “I guess that explains a lot about why you are how you are. I guess interactions with other kids is hard for you isn’t it?”
I just nod and say “Every interaction I’ve ever had with kids has just ended in someone trying to hurt me either physically or mentally.”
Sarah then speaks up and says “Alex….. I’m sorry that happened to you and I really want to help you see that not everyone is like that. Both mine and Alyssa’s friends are very nice and i’m sure they would be nice to you if you give them the chance.”
I sigh again before saying “Sarah, I appreciate the offer but I think I need to find my way here on my own. I have nothing against either of you and you have both been very nice to me in every way possible. But I need to find my own way here in this new area that I have been put in. I also don’t think that I'm comfortable with the idea of being friends with friends of my nieces. I already told your parents this but i’m going to make this clear to both of you right now, I will not be calling your parents mom and dad. I also won’t be calling you guys my sisters for obvious reasons, if I were to come out and start calling you guys my sisters then it comes to light that i'm actually your uncle how do you think a lot of people would feel about that? It just isn’t practical. I also won’t be calling you my nieces for the same reason. I’ll simply be calling you by your names and that’s that. It’s going to be a bit weird at first but it’s what is best for everyone.
I should also mention that I'm not an athlete like you two are and i have no intention of joining in on any activities that you guys are involved in. For reasons I’ve already said, people are going to think im your adopted sibling and if it came to light that I’m really your uncle then a lot of people are going to be very angry about the deception. I have nothing against anything you guys do, in fact I actually enjoy watching a lot of it. It just isn’t something I'm interested in doing myself.”
Alyssa smiles at me and says “ I can respect that Alex, some of my friends aren’t the athletic type so I can understand where you are coming from in a way. Not all people are super athletic Alex. Each person is unique in their own way and you have many things already that make you unique just like Sarah and I have things that make us unique in who we are.”
Sarah then chimes in and says “Alex I can also understand where you’re coming from. Like Alyssa said, not everyone is a god given athlete or super genius or anything like that. Your Piano playing and your ability to run for as long as you can is what really sets you apart from us. You also have a voice of gold and I was in awe the entire time you were singing Alex.”
I smile at those comments as I think at least part of this family has an understanding of what I stand for and how some things are just not practical in the grand scheme of things.
“I think someone is finally starting to understand just exactly who I am. Your parents had no idea of anything I was talking about and it was actually very frustrating to talk to them about what I was just talking to you about. They had this look of disappointment on their faces after I said what I just told you guys. They didn’t seem to see the bigger picture of everything that i was trying to explain to them. Thank you for the compliments on the piano and singing, it’s not something you learn overnight as I’m sure you can understand. With as much time as I had you learn to just do a few things and stick to them as they are and you become good at those few things over time. If you branch out too much you lose the ability to stay adept in the other activities you are already good at. Not everyone seems to understand this but I like sticking to a few things and leaving it at that. Everyone always thought I was crazy for not doing more activities than I did, but in all honesty me doing less gave me more time to hone in on my talents within those specific activities. Running for me is an escape when I need to just get away and think on my own. I don't run for speed as I’ve already said, I run for distance and to just get away within the cool summer winds and just see where my legs can take me on any given day. With the Piano and my singing it’s my way of letting out my emotions and letting my frustrations come to light in a sort of way that people can feel within them.”
Alyssa looks at me and asks “ Alex, if you don't mind me asking just how far can you run in one go?”
I think for a little bit then say “I don’t think I ever calculated how far I could run in actual measurements. It just wasn’t something I ever thought about. I was at an Orphanage where I had endless amounts of time and over the years I generally didn’t run for that long though. I generally got up at 5 am every day then go for a run until about 7 as a way to stay in shape. Eat breakfast then depending on if school was in session or not I’d either take a shower and eat before heading to school or if school was not in session I would do whatever I could to keep myself busy.”
I then stand up and go to the window and just stare. As I’m looking out of the window I start to wonder just how messed up I really am. Before I can say anything though Alyssa and Sarah pull a few chairs up beside me and Alyssa takes me into a hug and says “Alex, I know you’re struggling with something inside you. Given what you’ve been through it’s hard to not have anything that would be troubling you.”
I pull away and look at her in the eyes before saying “There’s nothing more in this world that I would want in life then to not have to deal with anything anymore. If I’m being truthful with you, I’d probably have ended my life before I had a chance to be myself if your mother hadn’t come and saved me from my disparity.”
Sarah holds my hands and says “Alex…. believe me when I tell you, I’ve been there. It’s not a great mindset for anyone to be in. I can’t imagine what is troubling you so bad but we want to help you. Really we do. But we can’t do anything about what is wrong unless we know what is wrong Alex if that makes sense.”
I turn to look out the window again and sigh. Everything that’s happened has only compounded my initial issues. My parents thought I was a freak and that’s what led to the whole incident that led me to be put into the orphanage in the first place. What would you think if you were some religious bigot that had a child that didn’t conform to what you believed in. I was anything but normal. I was a recluse for the most part and my one true dream when I was younger was just to be who I should have been all along. Yea I had my TV to envision myself as who I should have been, but it would never be the real thing.
Still staring out of the window I said to Alyssa “If I tell you guys what is going on then you’d never want to be around me ever again. It’s probably better that you don’t know. I start to walk out of the room when Sarah says “Alex, wait.”
Change of the Mask: New Beginnings Chapter 3
……. Alex stops in his tracks as Sarah says “Can I ask you something and you not freak out Alex?”
Still not looking at her I sigh and say “I guess.”
She then does something that I wasn’t exactly expecting and sits her and myself on the ground and says “Alex, I know you’re struggling with your new surroundings. I would be myself if I were in your shoes. But what I want to ask is, who is the real you?”
As I try to figure out how to answer this, Sarah says “I have a feeling I know what the real you is but I don’t want to jump to anything.”
I sigh as tears fall from my eyes as I realize what is going on. They really are trying to help but I have done nothing but be rude. After I calmed down a bit, I looked at Sarah and say “I guess it’s time for a story about myself.”
“I’ve never been normal Sarah, to be the way I am now is honestly a miracle. From a young age, I was always a different kind of child. I didn’t fit in with anyone and was always alone. By the age of 4 I had been turned into a recluse. Someone that their parents normally would have tried to seek help for but with money tight we couldn’t afford to do much of anything. When I started school I was ridiculed. Nobody wanted to be around me. Everyone hated me for being the way I was. This whole situation could have been avoided if my father hadn’t done what he did. If you must know what he did then that’s another conversation entirely. What my parents did to me is non excusable. They just were mean and cruel. As you can probably tell, I’m very tiny for my age due to what my parents did to me. As much as I would like to go to school like a normal child, I know it’s not possible. My music playing was my true escape from society. Nobody paid much attention to a young child playing the piano the way I did. Running was just my way of staying in shape as painful as that is to admit.
I really have nowhere to go but down Sarah…… My life is in turmoil and as much as I hate your mother for leaving me in the system for as long as she did, she may have just pulled me out of my misery just enough to see the bigger picture. That whether I like it or not, I’m family to you girls now and my real self isn’t going to come out without a fight….. My parents buried my true self away years ago and all I’ve wanted since is to be the real me….. I probably make no sense at all right now.”
Sarah holds me in her arms and smiles, as she does this, I get a warm feeling inside of me that I haven’t had since I was young. I hug her back in recognition that she’s probably the closest thing I’ll ever have to a true friend.
Alyssa had long since left the room realizing that Sarah and I needed space to bond. Sarah eventually stands us both up and leads me hand in hand out of the room and into her bedroom. She goes to her closet and opens the door where she has a full length mirror hanging on the door. She then comes back over to me where she takes my hand gently and brings me over to the mirror. This is where things take a turn that I honestly never would have seen coming. She stands me up straight and puts her hands on my shoulders and says “Alex, you’ve been shattered by your awful parents and I thought we might not be able to help you out without a problem. However, in just a few short hours whether you realized it or not showed your true self. You’re a young child at heart yearning for someone to just take you in and love you for who you really are! Alex, you may not realize it but you can be yourself now. The young child who doesn’t have to worry about what others think. You really are special Alex, you’re a little princess at heart.”
I look at her in the mirror and realize that maybe she’s right. I lay on the floor and just stare, closing my eyes wondering why I’ve never thought about this like this. Sarah sits down next to me and puts her hand on my shoulder and says “Alex, it’s ok to be yourself now. Nobody will be able to hurt you now. “
I then open my eyes and look over to Sarah before saying “Sarah, I feel so awful for hiding myself for so long”
She sits me up and then says something I really should have seen coming “Alex, you have no reason to feel that way. You were just doing what you had to do until you could find yourself.”
Sarah stands up and goes over to her window and stares, I stand up and walk over to her window and stand next to her starting to cry before saying “You’re right about everything Sarah and as much as it hurts to admit this, I really am just a little girl at heart who needs her new family to help her.”
I leave Sarah’s room and go into the bathroom locking the door behind me and just collapse bawling my eyes out. What have I done to myself, I just professed my true self to someone I’ve barely even met and now I’m bawling my eyes out in the aftermath. My life is going to end the very moment I come out of this room, or so I thought.
It was at that moment that I heard a gentle concerned voice from the other side of the door. “Alex, please listen to me for a minute. Nobody was trying to hurt you, it’s ok to be yourself and we love you for whoever you really are. Please don’t hurt yourself as I can probably imagine you thinking about doing. Come out here sweetheart and I’ll explain everything to you.”
I then became furious and said “You were trying to break me to the point where I just said my innermost thoughts to your daughter like it was no big deal and now you want to try and give me an explanation for all this?! No, there is only one explanation for all that has transpired and that is that you all left me in the system so I could break just enough to where when you brought me home with you I would have no choice but to confess what you already knew was true. You probably already have a little girls room set up too just to add salt in the wound. You guys are no better than mom and dad you jerks!
I then sat down and just sobbed for what seemed like a lifetime. The person on the other side of the door had left and everything just felt like a blur to me…. I knew something was up from the start, now they just mentally scarred me and I’m shaking. The only thing that I have any sort of feeling about is my stomach. I just want to throw up at the situation that is transpiring. Part of me doesn’t even know if anything I said is even true.
I honestly have no idea how long I sat there wallowing in my sorrow. I have no feelings for anyone right now. I hate who I am and I professed who I really am but why? Am I really that insane that I’m a 10 year old boy who wants to be a little girl?
At this point I hear a knock on the door and then someone says “ Alex, it’s Sarah. Can we talk? I’m sorry for everything. Really I am, I knew you were broken but I pushed you too far and now you’re a wreck.”
I sit in silence not knowing what to say before she continues “We love you Alex, really we do. We want to help you, but we can’t do that unless you let us. Please let me in Alex. Let someone help you get better.”
I just look out of the window in the bathroom for a moment before sighing and saying “Why should I even care about myself anymore Sarah, you’re the only one in this family who really cares about me. I haven’t cared about my well-being in years. Why should I do anything different now?”
The moment of silence is deafening but she goes on to say “Alex,I know you’re hurt by everything that has gone on to this point. Only you can change your future Alex and we’re here to guide you on that journey whatever that may be.”
I start to tear up again at the fact that I now have a safe place to be myself for the first time in my life. I move away from the door and unlock it letting Sarah come in.
Upon coming in she sits down beside me and pulls me into a hug. “Let it out Alex, I’m here for you”
I hug her whilst the tears kept coming and she just sat there with me while my emotions ran free.
By this point I’m falling asleep in Sarah’s arms and she says “Why don’t we go take a nap in your new room Alex?”
I look at her groggily and just nodded. She helped me up off the floor and led me to my new room. Before she opened the door she said to me “I hope you enjoy what we put together for you Alex. We knew who you were inside before we met you and thought you would appreciate this type of room better than what you might be used to.” She pecks a kiss on my forehead before opening the door.
Once the door is open and she leads me into my new room, I can only stand in awe of what they went through the trouble to do for me.
Sarah let’s me go take things in without her guidance and I immediately start tearing up happily. I walk around the room in pure bliss and awe. I see my new bed and can only think “Wow” As I walk towards it I start to feel better about everything all of a sudden.
Sarah then says to me “Alex, why don’t we get something more comfortable on to lay down in”
She goes over to the dresser in the room and grabs a few things out of it before laying it all out on the bed for me.
She does all this while I’m staring out the window on the other side of the room quietly.
She looks at me by the window and smiles before saying “Alex? Are you ready?”
I turn to face her and when I see what is on the bed my jaws drop in awe.
She sees my reaction and says “Come here and let’s get you settled.”
I slowly head towards her and the closer I get the more I feel secure and less anxious.
Once I am standing next to her I look at her and then the bed before she asks “Do you want help? Or are you ok?
I look at her before saying quietly “I think I can manage.”
She looks back at me before saying “I’m going to go get something on myself Alex, if you need anything just let me know ok?”
I nod and she walks out of the room shutting the door behind her.
I turn back to the bed and look closer at what Sarah had gotten out for me and honestly I couldn’t believe what had happened. As I started changing clothes I started feeling all warm and fuzzy inside. As I got to the last piece of clothing that Sarah had gotten out for me I questioned my sanity as I held the garment in my hands. Was I really ready to be myself and be the little girl of the house? As wonderful as all this clothing feels, I can’t help but feel like something is missing.
Sarah knocks on my door asking if she can come back in and I just say yes. As she comes back in she notices that I’m just sitting there thinking about something. Then she notices what I have in my hands and sits down next to me and puts her arm around me.
“Mom thought it might be easier on you these first few nights here if you had a little protection to give you a bit of security in case something happens. I know it’s not something that you might be used to but it’s there just in case you need it. Do you want help putting it on?”
As scared as I am of my new surroundings I just nod and she does the necessary to help me feel comfortable in my new surroundings. After the garment is finally on she takes me over to my own mirror and says “You look so sweet. Let’s have a little nap and then we can figure out what to do next.”
I look in the mirror and smile. I know my place now, and you know what? I think I like this more than I realized. I twirl my fingers through my hair as I say “Um Sarah?”
She looks at me and smiles before going “Yes?”
I look at her and wonder how to say this “Sarah, I can’t believe I’m saying this but….”
She looks at me curiously before saying “but what?”
I put my arms around her in a hug before saying “I can’t thank you enough for all this…. I’m free for the first time in my life.
I start to cry again and Sarah pulls me into a tight hug before saying “Alex, I love you so much, you have a long journey ahead of you let’s take it easy on your first day ok?”
I look up at her and she wipes the tears off my face before leading me to my bed where we snuggle up together.
Admin Note: Originally published on BigCloset TopShelf on Wednesday, 05/17/2017 - 03:42:51 PM.(-0400), this story was pulled out of the closet, and re-presented for our newer readers to enjoy. ~Sephrena
I'm always alone and have nobody to go to.
I live in an orphanage that I’ll be in until I’m old enough to leave.
I’ll be lucky if I ever graduate.
I ask the question again, Who am I?
I am the one looked down upon for being short and being the dumbest kid for my age.
Nobody wants to be my friend and I’m all alone with the teachers while the kids go out for recess.
This isn’t how I wanted life to go. This is just how it happened.
I’m the outcast, the one that nobody pays any attention to.
Every night that I’m at the Orphanage I do what school work I have and then just stare into space wondering what I did to deserve this.
I think back on my birth parents and what they did to me before I was put in this orphanage.
The abuse, the torture, the everything. They used me as their slave and it really hurt.
Nobody deserves to have this kind of life. But this is my life.
This is the life I have to live.
You don’t get any second chances.
There’s a new kid in class and all the girls are fussing over her wanting to be her friend. I can tell she is quite shy and doesn’t want all the attention she’s getting.
She looks over at me and smiles at me but I don’t really pay any attention to it.
Upon taking our seats for the day she sits in the empty seat next to mine as pretty much everywhere else was full.
She says hi to me and I wave back to her.
The teacher starts the day and we say nothing to each other until lunch where she notices that I’m not going with the rest of them to lunch. She waves back to me and I just sit there silently.
I can’t afford lunch and I can’t get free lunch with me being an Orphan so I just stay behind while everyone else enjoys their fun time.
None of the kids really care about me anyway so I’m not really missed at lunch or recess.
I look at the clock and see that it’s just about time for the kids to be going out for recess.
I hear all the kids going outside and I sit there wishing that I could be apart of all the stuff outside but I know it’s not possible.
Then I hear the footsteps, I think to myself it’s probably just the teacher coming back after lunch. I was partially right but I saw that the new girl was also with her and I wondered, why is she not outside playing?
She comes and sits down next to me and asks me if I’m ok.
I tell her I’m fine and she asks why I don’t talk to anyone.
I tell her my story and by the look on her face I can tell she doesn’t believe what she just heard.
She goes up to the teacher and asks her something and I’m pretty sure it’s about me as she points at me several times during the conversation.
Upon her returning to her seat next to me she looks at me with a look that you see only when someone feels bad for you.
Class goes on the rest of the day and I think nothing of what was said during that period.
My life continues on as normal and the new girl goes outside with the other kids like normal and I think of yesterday as a one off thing.
Then something strange happens, I’m walking back to the orphanage like any other day when the girl comes up behind me and asks me a question I’ll never forget “Would you be my brother?”
I look at her confused and then I see behind her a person who I could only assume was her mother looking down at me.
I sit down on the curb of the sidewalk we were on and think, she actually cares about me?
She sits down next to me and wraps her arm around me.
She starts explaining how she felt so bad for me the day I told her what I’ve been through that she told her mom and dad how bad she felt for me. She went on to say that her mother looked into adopting me and was willing to take me in if I wanted to.
At that point her mom was sitting on the other side of me holding my hand smiling at me.
I was feeling all warm and fuzzy inside for the first time in many years.
My classmate looks over to me and asks again “Would you be my brother?”
At that point I started to tear up and for the first time ever I genuinely felt love for someone like family. I hugged her and said “yes but there’s more to me than meets the eye.”
Her mom pulls me onto her lap and hugs me tightly.
She then says to me “We’ll be there for you whoever you may be.”
That made me start crying happy tears and my classmate joins in for a hug sandwich.
Over the next few weeks I started to lighten up knowing that I would have a family soon.
By the time I left the orphanage for the final time I knew that life for me had changed.
On the way to my new house I got really emotional. I was crying tears of joy and my new sister holds me in her arms. Upon arriving at the house I was at a loss for words. It was a really big house and I wasn’t sure I was deserving of this and my new sister takes my hand and after our mom opens the door she takes me and shows me around. She shows me her room and I tell her she has a very nice room.
Her mom comes in and tells me it’s time to see my room.
She takes me across the hall and opens the door into what is now my room.
As I’m taking it all in my sister comes up and hugs me.
She says to me “Welcome Home.”
I then come to find out that my paperwork was changed slightly to “make” me the same age as my sister that is in my class at school.
School was out for the summer two weeks later and me and my sister had become very close. She was my savior and I had no way of ever repaying her.
She was the super popular kid in school and I was always in a massive shadow behind her.
The first week of summer would be a turning point in my life.
I still had mental scarring from all that had happened to me and one day my sister came into my room and sat down next to me.
“You’re hiding something and I think I know what it is.”
I look over to her and she continues “You’re jealous of me and what I get to do. You live in my shadow and just wish you could be like me.”
I say nothing so she continues “You’re a girl at heart but you don’t want to admit it. You hid in your shell for so long that you don’t know who you are anymore.”
“You could really do it if you wanted to, you just need to stop hiding yourself.”
I heavily deny what she’s saying to me and she takes my hands into hers and says “You may not want to admit it, but you and I are one and the same.”
I look at her for a split second, then turn away.
“I don’t know anything, you could be right or you could be wrong. I simply don’t know.”
My sister pulls me next to her and holds me.
“I’ve known that side of you since the first day we met. You may not see it now, but you are a girl.”
I look at her confused and she says “Think about it for a second, you and I have a lot of the same interests.”
Upon her saying that it really hit me. I’m a girl?
“You see now don’t you?”
I nod and get up off the bed and go sit on the floor in a corner.
I then ask myself “Who am I?”
My Answer “I am a Girl.”
Turn to Gold:
Sequel to Unknown to All
It’s Summer, it’s lovely.
Everything about it is amazing. Experiencing it for the first time in all its glory, that’s a tall order.
All I ever knew was the orphanage after I was put there.
For awhile, school was my refuge.
Even if I wasn’t allowed to interact with classmates, I was still one of them.
Having a family again is great, I’m starting to realize that I was living a hard life.
I’m learning things everyday that a lot of people take for granted.
I’m not embarrassed about who I am, nor am I sitting around wondering what could have been.
I am who I am now and I’m proud of it.
My family really is my lifeline now. My sister and I are very close. We share a lot of the same interests.
There’s one thing I still haven’t warmed up to yet though. I’m not sure if it’s really appropriate to say in a story like this but just know that night time is not a pleasant time for me since moving in with my family.
My sister and I, we love dancing. She takes classes for it but I’m not socially ready for that yet.
Everything I ever knew has been turned on its head.
It seems that things are looking up for me now.
Life is grand and I’m doing things that only a short time ago I would have only dreamed of.
I’m getting better with interacting with people and I’m finally starting to understand that how I used to interact with people didn’t make them want to be around me.
It’s been rough seeing my sister doing things I wish I could take part in. I know that this is still early on but all I want to do is spread my wings.
One of my big dreams is to someday be a cheerleader. I know it sounds rather unusual, but that’s just something I’ve always loved watching.
I feel whole for the first time in years. I have an actual family now. That’s not something I thought I’d ever end up saying again.
Life has been slow but steady with my new family as I start to learn more about all of them. They are a pretty active family in a lot of ways. They all do sports in someway.
I’m still getting used to the fact of having an older sister. Being an only child for most of your life and being put into this kind of situation makes for some interesting situations.
My older sister loves having another younger sibling in the house, even if I don’t really understand much of what is going on when we interact.
She hasn’t done anything crazy yet, the worst she’s done is put me in her arms and cuddled me like a baby.
As summer rolls on I start to feel comfortable enough to meet all of the extended family. It’s the end of June and we’re going to what I can only guess is one of my new grandparents. The drive there was quite long, but once we got there something felt off.
It took me a few minutes to get myself back to normal, after that we got out of the car.
As we walk up towards the house I start to wonder what they’re going to think of me. Will they love me or hate me?
As we get to the front door and it opens, I see two people who I could only assume were my new grandparents. My sister holds me tight as I take everything in.
They let me get my bearings first before doing anything. I look around the house I’m standing in and try to get a handle on things before I have a meltdown.
My sister sensed that I needed to be moved away and she took me to the opposite side of the house to one of the bedrooms.
She sits me down on the floor with her and just hugs me.
“It’s ok, I get it. You’re not a social person. All this was too much for you.”
I stay silent as we sit together in each other’s arms.
“It’s not a big deal, we just have to find a way to deal with this.”
I start to come down to earth again but not without some tears.
“Why am I like this?!”
“I don’t know, but we can work on it together. We have a cousin who has this problem too.”
I continue to sit while I come to terms with everything around me.
“I guess all this time being the way I was has taken its toll on me.”
“It’ll be fine, we can work together on this.”
I stand up with my sister and we hug each other for a few minutes.
“You going to be ok now?”
“I think so.”
“Ready to meet the family now?”
I nod and we make our way down to where everyone else is.
When everyone sees us they pause for a moment while my sister introduces everyone to me one by one.
All the family thinks I’m adorable but I’m not sure how I feel about being called that. It’s not a bad feeling but it’s not something I’m used to either.
After all the greetings and me meeting everyone, I start to warm up to this new environment I’m in.
My sister takes me outside to show me the rest of the place and I’m actually amazed at what I’m seeing.
“Wow, this is amazing….”
“It really is something isn’t it?”
As we’re walking around the property I start to take in everything that I’m seeing.
“I wish I would have been able to do something like this before now.”
“This is just the beginning, tonight will be a big step for you.”
“Tonight will be the decider for you. What happens tonight and how you respond will decide how things will go from here on forward.”
I look at her funny and she says:
“You’ll understand when the time comes, but for right now we have other things to attend to.”
As the day wore on, I started to enjoy this place we were staying at. The open air and the vast lands surrounding us really made me happy. I finally had a place to spread my wings and just be myself.
By the time we were getting ready to go out to dinner I had no idea what was going on with everyone getting dressed up the way they were. Then my sister comes to get me saying mom wants to help both of us get ready.
I take her hand and we go into the room that our mom was in. That was when I realized what was happening.
Mom saw the light bulb go off in my head and came over and said:
“We want you to have fun tonight, we want to help you with all this. All the family supports you here.”
“I know you’ve been wanting to do this for weeks now but we saved it til now for one very special reason.”
“I know your birthday was never very special to you before because of you losing your parents on your birthday. We want to change that sweetheart. You should be happy on your birthday, not in sorrow because of what happened.”
“I still blame myself for their deaths….. If I hadn’t been so stubborn this wouldn’t have happened…….”
I start bawling at that point and I just sat there crying my eyes out. I feel two sets of arms hugging me while I cry and I just let everything out that was built up inside.
It was during this moment that I found my heart had turned to Gold.
After my tears were over I was brought over to a stack of stuff laid out for me on the bed. I couldn’t actually believe that this was actually real.
After all these years I finally get to be the pretty little girl that had been stuck inside me all this time.
As each piece of my clothes changed, more of my true self was starting to show and by the end I was absolutely beaming.
When I saw myself for the first time I realized that I never was who I actually thought I was. The little girl in the mirror is the real me. The blue dress and the White tights, my hair up in a bun and my nails painted. This is who I really am.
I am a beautiful little girl and I’m oh so proud of it.