Update
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Two weeks ago I updated my story, I am Not a Girl. It should read more smoothly. I just updated My Magic PDA posting a disclaimer. As follows,
Sept 20, 2011
Newly edited through the unforgiving seventh grade English teacher. There are a few minor changes but nothing to alter the story. You will notice a change from first person narrative to third person in some scenes. This is intentional. The primary focus is from Bob/Sarah's point of view. I shifted to third person when Bob/Sarah was not involved in the scene and for areas where scene setting is involved. With that in mind it should lessen any confusion. I trust this helps convince you there is a method for the writers madness and it is not a lack of skill. This decision may be a failure but I did it on purpose.
Rights reserved by the author with permission to host granted exclusively to Big Closet.
There are also no run on sentences, all comas in place etc. I might have botched the tense once in awhile such as (I was) instead of (I am) but hey if I were David Baldacci I would not be putting stories on this site.
Oh well your comments have been welcome and encouraging. Enjoy the stories that's why they are posted.