Author:
Ladies, it is a fact women judge women by their attire and their presentation. I can't be the only one who has studied girls and women all my life. What makes one outstanding and her friend or those around her part of the background? Sometimes it's one thing, she's wearing clothes and a color bringing out her best features. Her hair style accents her face. And so it is one or many things makes a beautiful female plain or less than and a plain female exceptionally attractive.
The white blouse is embroidered and has gold and white pearl beads. I tried it with an apricot, full skirt and it didn't work. A black slim skirt? Nope. A brown leather skirt? God no! Finally gave up trying to find a skirt or pants that could work with it. Settled for a white silk blouse, ankle length, apricot, skirt, black cloth belt, small gold necklace, diamond drop earrings (not real diamonds), gaucho hat and grey cowgirl boots. Lot of stops at OKC.
"Love your outfit and your boots."
"Love your hat."
"Hey, how you doing cowboy." He was so funny, it was the first thing come to his mind. Cowgirl wasn't there when he pulled up a greeting. And of course I responded as I giggled. "Howdy"
The other funny was when doc was trying to hear a heartbeat.
"Doc I don't have a heart. But if you want to hear it, move your stethoscope more to the middle. I'm wearing inserts to push the side boob in to give me cleavage."
I swear to God he looked at me in shock. "I didn't need to know."
What do they teach in medical schools now days? How in the world can they hear a heartbeat anyway through the layers of the blouse, and the bra? No one wants to touch skin any more???
XRay, and two women technicians. "You need to remove all your jewelry."
"Okay."
"And your clothes and bra."
"Oh, I guess the metal hooks would show up. If I do, may I have a balloon and lollypop after?"
"I'll give you a coloring book."
"You want me to stand in front of the machine naked?"
"We'd rather you didn't. There are two hospital gowns, one on front, the second one on the back."
"Nothing embarrasses me."
"Us either but put on the gowns anyway."
The girls were sharp and had excellent wit. "Stand in front of the machine. Twist a little to the right. There are cross hairs on your stomach, center it."
"You're going to shoot me?"
"Not today, you'll live another day."
"James Bond?"
"Twist a little more. Nope too much twist back just a little bit."
"Chubby Checker?"
"Hold that pose right there."
"How much am I getting paid to model for you?"
"Coloring book, remember?"
"If I glow in the dark when I leave here I'm not going to be pleased."
"You were glowing before you came in."
"Lay down on the table and open your legs like you did when you gave birth."
"I..., uh..., Of course they knew I wasn't a genetic female. They got me with that one, I wasn't ready.
"That's okay, fake it."
"Is it going to hurt?"
"Only if you're pregnant."
I've had a lot of fun trading wit with people before but these two were top of their game. I was laughing long after I left XRay.
Back to fashion. Ladies, each one of us is different and what works for me probably won't work for you. But pick a style that does. I know you had people tell you, "that color looks good on you". Maybe instead of trying to look like everyone else, you need to follow your own style? I know it's not for everyone. Ten thousand tennis balls, which one receives the compliment? The yellow one?
If you're not comfortable being different from the herd don't do it. It won't work and please be careful no matter how you dress or present yourself. Maybe in the area you live there is safety in being part of the crowd. Years back the girl was shot and killed because she didn't blend in. The only one the gangers killed that night. Sadly, even with friends around her, didn't help.
Have fun with life, it's too damn short to take seriously. But please be careful. Always be vigilant. No need to be paranoid unless it's needed.
Hugs People
Barb
Life is a gift, don't waste it.
Comments
Hear, hear! [rant]
QFT.
I remember once when I was attending a particular trans support (so they claimed) group, and the person running the group insisted on bringing in someone who gave us a long lecture about exactly what we as trans women should wear. I was rather insulted because (a) the lecture took up the whole session, which was ostensibly for us helping one another with what it was like to be trans, not for indoctrination in TrooTransness (b) I wouldn't have been caught dead in the styles she mandated, and (c) I'd been developing my sense of femme style starting at least a decade before it ever occurred to me that I might be trans.
(*Shakes head*)
We used to call that "OTW" -- "One True Way." In this case, the One True WayTM to be trans.
I didn't transition to become some self-appointed busybody's idea of "trans," I transitioned to become myself.
P.S.: It might have made some sense 40 years ago -- if it had been billed as a seminar on what to wear to get past the gatekeepers, but it wasn't presented that way.
The wrong lessons were taught
Beginning with Harry Benjamin and every trans needs to "dress" for a year, too many followed his lead. Those outside looking in and even some of our own have tried to place all of us in a definitive box. If one is trans they need to dress and act like The Stepford Wives. Otherwise one isn't trans.
Hugs Asche I'm so happy you found yourself before they brainwashed you.
Barb
Life is a gift, don't waste it.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
Avoided all that gatekeeping, fortunately
Fortunately, by the time I was actually trying to transition, the better places around here (NYC) had switched from gatekeeping to Informed Consent. I went to Callen-Lorde, and all they required was that I have an appointment where they explained all the risks & c. and made sure I understood what I was getting into. The next appointment they gave me the prescription for hormones.
As for my style: I actually started with wearing skirts to contra dances, but otherwise presenting male. Men in skirts was a thing in that community at the time, though I don't see it much any more. I had no intention of trying to look like a woman. Anyway, I kind of went with what I liked and what I thought looked good, and when I looked in the mirror, for the first time in my life, I didn't mind seeing myself. I kind of liked looking at the skirted part of me, though I still did the seeing-without-seeing thing for the rest of me. Basically, I slid into dressing more and more femme (well, my version, anyway) in more and more parts of my life because each step made me feel better about how I looked and ultimately about being me.
So by the time I started entertaining the idea that I might be trans, I'd already worked out a style I liked -- and it wasn't the "Jersey Shore" style that all the How To Do Trans Femme "authorities" seem to push. What's interesting is that once I actually transitioned, I ended up dressing less girly (but still clearly female.)
There seems to still be a bit of gatekeeping when you want SRS, but around here, at least, it's more about supplying paperwork that the insurance companies will accept. After living (full-time) as a woman for over 4 years, it would be hard to claim that there's much chance I will suddenly decide it was all a mistake.
Who do you please?
The thing we have to remember as transgender individuals is that ultimately the person we need to please is ourselves. If we could all put on the right clothes, do make up with the skill of a Hollywood makeup artist, modulate our voices in a true feminine tone and get the mannerisms down to perfection so that no one who looked at us would ever suspect that we weren't born genetically female, it would all be for naught if when we looked in the mirror and took stock of ourselves we didn't like what we see.
If we did all that and didn't like what we saw, we'd simply be actors playing a role. It would all be external. Being trans is about what's internal. That's where gender identity is, internal. No one on the outside can fully see what our gender identity looks like to us.
"This above all: to thine own self be true. And it must follow, as the night the day. Thou canst not then be false to any man" Polonius, Act 1, Scene III, Hamlet.
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Love the dialog
I'm always a pushover for good dialog. And I like the dialog and repartee you included here. Good fun. thanks.
There's a chance. Remote sure but a chance that I might be feminine one day. But I'll likely never be female. I'll never have those particular petty violations that must be suffered in the doctors office. Mine is, "Turn and cough. Thank you, Be sure to schedule your next appointment on the way out."
Still, you give good advice. Tall daisy syndrome and all that. Men wonder if they'll get lucky. Women wonder if they'll survive. There are so many arguments against looking feminine. I have to wonder why it is that I want that for myself.
peace
Crescenda
Your friend
Crash
Gender is designed in
We desire because our mind is not a match for the body design it was placed in to control. There are thousands upon thousands of research papers have delved into this. MtF are operating with a female brain. Men and women's brain structure differs and they use their brains differently from their opposite sex. Keep in mind we are individuals, thus the drive to be what the brain is telling us is not the same for everyone. Some have an itch to try but never do. Some find cross dressing works and is all they need. Others must have every surgery available to be satisfied.
We can't be defined by a set of rules one size fits all no matter how hard society trys to label us.
Hugs Crash
Barb
When we finally learn everything we understand we know nothing.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
So much of Tacy in all of us
This is the lady who was murdered because she was presenting herself. There is a lot in the story about the early years of trans. Must live a year in trans before doctors approve surgery. Must have surgery before gov records can be changed. Gay support before they pull back and ask all trans support be removed from bills so they have a better chance to pass.
If one is trans, this is a part of our history no matter when one lives. It is one of the reasons I keep harping on the same message, be careful.
https://www.baltimoresun.com/news/bs-xpm-1999-12-15-99121503...
Hugs People
Barb
I'm not afraid to die. Been there done that. But damn if anyone is going to hurry the end and not pay a price themselves.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl
No need to be paranoid unless it's needed.
Just because you've been diagnosed as being paranoid, doesn't mean they are not out to get you. ;o)
Hugs
Patricia
Happiness is being all dressed up and HAVING some place to go.
Semper in femineo gerunt
Paranoid may save one's life
Remember the post months back of the girl mentioning every time she went out the same old man seemed to show up and follow her? In a situation like that I could be paranoid.
Hugs Patricia,
Barb
Life is a gamble. We try and make it fit our desires, our plans, there are no guarantees.
Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl