Author:
Saw this on a carers forum in the UK:
ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS
Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!!
Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this:
Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Tazer.
The effects of the Tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety...??
WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home...
I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.
AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.
Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two AAA batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and then thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.
Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and Tazer in another.
The directions said that:
A one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant;
A two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; and
A three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.
Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference (loaded with two itsy, bitsy AAA batteries); pretty cute really, and thinking to myself, 'no possible way!'
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.
I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side so as to say, ' Don 't do it stupid,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny lil ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it.
I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and...
HOLY MOTHER OF GOD. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION. WHAT THE...!!!
I'm pretty sure Hulk Hogan ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs! The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note:
If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a Tazer, One note of caution:
There is NO such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor!
A three second burst would be considered conservative!
A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.
• My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.
• The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was.
• My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.
• My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.
• I had no control over the drooling.
• Apparently I had crapped in my shorts, but was too numb to know for sure, and my sense of smell was gone.
• I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head, which I believe came from my hair.
I'm still looking for my testicles and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!
PS: My wife can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift and now regularly threatens me with it!
Hugs
Sue
Comments
I Wet Myself Laughing
Only a man could do this,
Joanne
I agree and it was no
I agree and it was no surprise to me that a man would attempt this. I hope he learned his lesson and his on good behavior with his wife. lol
Well all I can say about this is.....
You can't fix STUPID! Here's your sign! LMAO! Loving Hugs Talia
Just a short piece of
Just a short piece of personal experience. I had a neighbor across the hall in college - she had one of those, that used a nine volt.
I borrowed it, put it against my side, and triggered it off. It definitely tickled.
It shocked the heck out of the girl and her roommate, because she'd used it to put a rapist in the hospital. I just have a really weird metabolism when it comes to electricity.
PS - the story doesn't involve a TASER. It's a stun gun. The difference is that a stun gun has short probes that have to be put in contact with the assailant. A TASER fires two probes on thin wires, which stick into someone's skin from a reasonable distance. It stands for "Thomas Alva Swift's Electric Rifle".
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
Recommendation
Don't piss on electic cattle/horse fences. I know an idiot who did (it was NOT me). In the idiot's partial defence, he did not notice the bare copper wire with insulator's on the fence.
Yeah, Mythbusters tried to
Yeah, Mythbusters tried to disprove the 'pee on the third rail' story, but didn't do it very well.
Mostly because they didn't take two things into account.
1) People don't pee at the flow of the force of gravity (which allows the stream to separate).
2) The person in the story was drunk, walking through probably wet grass, wearing leather shoes.
There, you have a person well grounded, who is putting a (basically) short lived wet wire against the rail :)
I've never peed on an electric fence, but I've hit the electric fences you set up to keep dogs in the yard. Fun fun.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
tazers
on a side note, law enforcment who carry tazers are required to zap themselves to understand the effects of a tazer before being allowed to carry them.--painful yes but the above story is myth, you dont lock down like that and your knee-jerk reaction is remove the tazer from your skin as quickly as possible...most cant hold the tazer and drop it within a fraction of a second.
I've had to do this before, and have even shocked myself by accident a few times as well. It is *SOoo* not fun.. but nothing like the story describes.
You _can_ lock up. It's just
You _can_ lock up. It's just that the muscle contractions (the lock up) will generally pull it away from you. A/C generally causes muscle contractions. DC.. I don't remember.
This sort of behaviour, though, I agree, is not what would happen if you did it to yourself. Your wife would have to do it to you :)
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
You most definitely can lock up.....
Years ago, in my youth, while moving into a protected position in order to spot naval gunfire, one of the members of my security team grabbed hold of a hot electrical wire - obviously not realizing it was live. His hand locked around the wire and he began the usual high voltage dance. One of his fellow fire team members grabbed him to pull him free and instantly became locked onto him, starting his own version of the dance.
Luckily, I was the next closest person and was able to knock the first man's hand loose of the wire with my rifle butt. Both men suffered some burns and disorientation, but both were back mission capable within a few days.
A strong electrical current will cause muscles to contract - I seem to remember first learning that with a frog in Junior High School. We had to pith the frog, then partially dissect it's leg revealing the muscle tissue, and then apply an electrical current to observe the contractions of the muscle.
So yes, you can definitely "lock up" when an electrical current is applied. The question becomes where it is applied, how it is applied, and how strong is the current?
Dallas
D. Eden
Dum Vivimus, Vivamus
love the story
And there is a few things..
Number one tazers do not use dc they use a pulsed voltage almost but not quite ac. The current is actually low. High current kills. High voltage stuns but doesn't kill.
That said. I can definatly see some old guy doing that exact thing. And I believe it is a true story.
You can't have it both ways.
You can't have it both ways.
Either they are D/C or A/C. Pulsed voltage simply means that they use a high voltage pulse to break through the 'barrier', then drop to a lower voltage (but still high) to continue through the path broken by the high pulse.
It appears that at least the old (2003 and prior) TASERs (there is NO zed in the word. None. Zero) were D/C. They would take the 9 volt current DC supplied by a battery, bump it up to high voltage A/C, then convert the A/C to D/C at the dump point to the body.
They're still dangerous. VERY dangerous. Personally, I'd rather the police and other groups had firearms only. At least there's no pretending that they're safe.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.
I have seen it done.
There is just something that compels people to try it on them selves.
Guilty! As I said above, I
Guilty!
As I said above, I tried one. It just didn't do much of anything.
I'll get a life when it's proven and substantiated to be better than what I'm currently experiencing.