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From the Guardian, so it must be good (evil laugh).
http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2012/feb/18/gender-dy...
Angharad.
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Comments
I've always wondered...
I've always wondered how much they pay you for placement... I mean, come on, how often can one mention a single news paper in a story? One would think you read the rag yourself.... :-)
That said, they probably really should pay you for placement. It's the in-thing these days. Specially something as popular as this. (Have you considered contacting the Guinness Book folks about your world record long (published) novel?
Thanks for sharing this and your story telling tallent.
Anne
Oh come on!
I mentioned the late unlamented News of the World. Granted, my reference to it was cut into squares and hung from a nail in an outdoor toilet....
What kind of a father...
...lands that on his daughter two days before a big exam?
There may never have been a perfect time to tell her, but he'd have had difficulty in finding a worse time!
Well... Perhaps SHE
Was never really a father in the first place? I'm very big on family myself, so IF I'd ever have started a family before coming out, I'd've been careful about the timing so as not to mess up my children's chances at their future...
But I've noticed not all of us hold our family ties as closely, and she might be one of those.
Anyways... SHE is not a HE and never was, that much is certain since she's transitioned.
Abigail Drew.
You can't redefine fatherhood...
...simply because you may want to.
If he was the girl's biological father, then that cannot be changed. You may feel differently, but I feel he shamefully abdicated his responsibilities.
He may now be a she, but is still her father with all that entails. Would it really have hurt so much to have waited three more days before dropping the bombshell?
he shamefully abdicated...
That's my point Charlotte, there never was a HE.
Now, yeah, I agree, that SHE acted irresponsibly towards HER child, but it was HER choice to make, not ours.
It ended well enough in the end though, the daughter didn't really want to go on in the studies she was pursuing in the first place, she was doing it trying to please the father construct that her parent erected to defend herself. Continuing in such manner would only have caused problems for everyone in the long run, not least of all the daughter.
Abigail Drew.
Biological fact
A father is MALE. (I'm not certain why it's necessary to write genders in capitals - presumably it means you think you're right! But then I would have to write everything in capitals so I'll not continue with that idea.)
A father has responsibilities to their child, no matter what changes they may make to their own personal lives.
Not waiting a few days until the girl had completed her exams was a dereliction of duty.
Just because she has now transitioned, it doesn't mean to say he or she was right in everything he or she has ever done in the past. In fact, I think that was pretty shitty behaviour!
Perhaps...
It might make the issue clearer to think of the difference between a father and a dad. One is a sperm donor (as I called one in one of my tales) and one is the caregiver. Usually, they are the same person.
She may have been born XY with a penis...
But that makes her no more male than any of the rest of us (MtFs).
Now, I agree, as a parent, her behavior was very poor, but you can't go ranting off about her being a he and should've thought about her actions in a manner a he would have. She's just as physiologically incapable of thinking as a male as any XX female born with a vagina.
The reason for the caps on the gender was to try to strongly hint that you're thinking of the situation using stereotyped binary gender definitions whilst the situation involves anything but.
Now, as a mom, or "ladydad" as the girl describes her new mom, her behavior was still poorly thought through and executed, but it's slightly more understandable - women are emotionally driven much more than men are, and the poor womans emotions had to have been going through a Millennium Force of a roller coaster ride at the time. I honestly can't blame her for the lapse of judgement, were I in a similar situation I'm not sure I could've held out to do the LOGICAL thing either.
Just my 2 pence, for what that's worth. I tried getting you to think of it through this perspective without coming right out and ranting about it, but apparently my hints weren't quite strong enough.
Abigail Drew.
Thinking as a woman? No way!
I suggest that females are even more protective of their children than males, so if she was thinking as a female then that makes her act even more disgraceful.
I guess the reason I ranted off a little (OK, a great deal), is that I sensed a feeling that, since she was "one of us", she could do no wrong - that whatever she did was pardonable because of the life problems he/she was going through.
That is something I don't buy into. We all of us experience difficulties because of what we are, but that is no excuse to escape our responsibilities. Whether he was a biological father, or she an adopted "father", the person still has a prime responsibility to their child which overrides everything else.
We can only be grateful that the daughter seems to have come out intact, and considers herself fortunate to be where she is. No thanks to the parent.
*shrug*
I know it's hard to believe, but not all women have maternal instincts. Almost all women DO have supercharged emotions though.
I'm not disagreeing with you really though, she did perform poorly, and it is inexcusable. But it is understandable. And I wouldn't consider her an indecent person for what was, in all likelihood, only a momentary lapse of judgement. It only takes a moment for the proverbial shit to hit the fan, as we should all know!
Abigail Drew.
I hate to disagree
but men are just as emotional as women, they express it differently if they express it at all. In fact some schools of therapy believe men feel emotions more deeply than women and are less able to express or understand them, hence the preponderance to violence or self-injury amongst young males.
Women tend to talk about how they feel, men don't as much, internalising things instead.
It's a sad fact that the rates of murder and suicide are far heavier for males than females.
As to the behaviour of the person in this article, I'll try not to judge them as it's in the past anyway and can't be undone, and most TS who do transition tend to be rather selfish and self-absorbed, it's how we cope with it. If you don't believe me, ask someone who'd newly transitioned and they'll talk the hind legs off a donkey about what they did and how they did it.
Angharad
Sometimes...
Sometimes, you get to the point where it has to come out. That said, a few days? nah. that shouldn't make a difference... Unless SHE waited far to long. Not being in her head, I can't tell.
My teen daughter was told AFTER school got out for the year... And, three years later, I'll be transitioning (AFTER school gets out)... That said, as we approach that transition time, it becomes more and more possible that the "secret" may get out. This is more true, as more people are informed - in order to "prepare" the way for the transition. All it takes is ONE PERSON to spill the gossip and... *sighs*
So... It's likely the cat will be out of the bag before she has her finals. (But then, we have a large - and growing - support group... So...)
I'm just blessed that my family is supporting me - despite the cost to them.
Anne