TopShelf Blogs

Just a bit surreal.

so... I'm sitting here, reading, watching Ghosthunters and just generally enjoying a peaceful, quiet Halloween evening. My phone rings and my best friend, my housemate, my landlady kinda, is calling me.

Now, to preface this just a bit, Tina and I have shared living accommodations for over 20 years and have been friends for longer than that. She has been one of the best things to happen to me during my transition. Totally accepting and supportive. I am Godparent to her youngest daughter (now 21)

free story idea!

Because my muse gives me more ideas than I can possibly use, I want to give away an idea to anybody who wants it (For free!)

Here's the pitch::

Remember the movie "What women want"? A man (played by Mel Gibson) suddenly gets the power to read the thoughts of woman.

But what if, no sooner than he figures out he cant read the thoughts of men, he finds out he can read the surprisingly feminine thoughts of a closeted trans woman?

What would happen next?

Well, that's up to whoever takes the idea and runs with it.

Have fun writing, everybody!



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I took a girl friend today to see the poppies.

For those who don't know, the veterans in this country set up a charity called the British Legion, who do their best to look after the wreckage left by war, whether it involves the veterans themselves or their families. Each year, as Remembrance Sunday/Armistice Day approaches, there is the poppy appeal. Paper or enamel poppy badges are sold to raise money for the charity.

Athena's Wisdom, and other stuffs.

Hi all. I'll be posting Issue Eight of Athena's Wisdom later tonight. Then, there won't be any for a while, because I'm going to be doing Nanowrimo this year. It's no secret that I'm not the fastest writer out there, and I'm hoping that doing Nanowrimo this year will help with that.

I'm starting from scratch too. I haven't picked anything from my project folder to work up, or done an outline. So wish me luck if you will, and let me know if there's any interest in seeing it here on the site.

No Twice Removed today

Hi folks, just letting you all know that I probably won't be posting Twice Removed this week until Saturday. I'm busy with a few rl things at the moment and trying to finish up a story I've been working on for the Back to School contest. There will be a chapter this week it'll just be delayed a few days.

*big hugs to you all*


No Clownfish

I probably should have posted this sooner---like on Monday---but I forgot.

Anyway, there will be no Clownfish update this week. Sleep and I have not been friends the last week or so and I've been trying---and failing---to catch up. Hopefully I'll be well rested next week to write Ch.9 :)

In the meantime, I'm gonna try to get something done for tomorrow if I can :)

Sometimes I Feel Like Starting A Revolution

I received some depressing news this evening.

A dear friend of mine (I'll refer to her as 'T') embarked on a civil partnership with a lovely girl ('S') in the summer of 2012. The ceremony was conducted here in the UK.

T is a British citizen, S is from South Africa. In 2013 S was informed that she was no longer welcome to stay in the UK. The reasons given boiled down to the fact that the couple didn't earn enough per annum for the government to allow them to remain together here. S subsequently returned to South Africa.

Oh dear - what is a 'shutter'?

Hi all,

I came across a misapplied word in a passage a month or two ago.

As far as I was concerned, a shutter is something you use to pull across a window to either block the light (to a certain extent) or the wind, when it's stormy. Or both.
I supposed that it could be someone employed to go around shutting things.
I know that cameras have shutters.

In this last week, I have now seen the same misapplied word no less than eight times.

"I don't know how long I lay on that cold and dirty tiled floor, shuttering."

Stuck in a Holding Pattern, but I'm Okay

I sleep all night and a write all day... Oops. Sorry. Got carried away for a second there ;-) This is a long overdue blog post, and I'm sorry to say it's not as informative as I'd like it to be, but that's because there's a lot of good things happening that I don't want to curse!

Caution: Mild language. Only mild, though.

Why I have chosen to not make further comment


I am not someone who has ever connected with people.
I have been diagnosed with something called "Social Anxiety Syndrome", however that is just a fancy way of saying that
I am a loser that no one wants to really bother with.
I thought that, perhaps, I could interact, on limited basis, with some of you on this site.
I fear that I have merely imposed myself, once again, where I am not truly wanted.
So, you will not see me logging in again.
I know most will say, 'so what?', or 'who cares'.
But for those that I have offended, I apologize.

Hatbox Gifts Still Short of Goal to Keep BC Running


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We've gotten a lot of contributions so far this month and thanks to everyone who has chipped in. After paying hundreds in bills this month, we are current on all but one of them. We've got some more bills coming at the end of the week and early next month, and we're a bit short of our goal with less than a week to go, so whatever any one can do will be greatly appreciated.

Someone wanted a breakdown of expenses. I've done this before but it gets complicated and lately I haven't been doing it. But here it is in round numbers.

Being Human

I never saw Eurovision 2014 but was impressed by this BBC radio interview given by Conchita Wurst and Tom Neuwirth

It made me think about those on BC whose comments have introduced me to a wider cross-section of humanity than I'd previously given thought to and I hope this is of interest to some of you.

Pain and agony


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The infection is back and it's in full swing. My foot is swollen again all the way up to the calf muscle. I am in so much pain I cannot sleep. The doctor gave me pain pills. While they make my head all foggy and interfere with my ability to write, they do nothing for the actual pain. The doctor I have doesn't listen to a word I say, nor does she allow me to actually express everything that's on my mind as she hurriedly tries to shoo me out the door. I have obamacare, which let me go to one doctor which is a free clinic. Don't know what I'm paying monthly into.

I can breath, and I can sleep


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Breathing is great. I can breath through my nose now that I've had my deviated septum fixed.

Being able to breath is wonderful.

Since the stents were removed last Thursday, each night I've gotten a full 8 hours or more sleep.

Sleep is wonderful.

I've already made progress on my writing. A few chapters have made it into rough draft. No more defaulting to sleep when I try to write.

So excited now.

Away for a bit

So my little side-story came out before I anticipated it would, but there you go. I have this character defect where I find it difficult to sit on a story. I even managed to write another chapter of SEE.

Unfortunately, there won't be another one for a while... I'm off to that place again, you know the one, where men are men and the women seem to be mostly men as well...


So there I am, working through a twelve hour night shift which is actually thirteen hours due to the end of Summer Time, and I get bored enough to stick my name into that search engine and see if anyone else has said anything about my books. They have.

Specifically, about 'Viewpoints' and 'Cider Without Roses'. What they have said, via Wordpress, is "Don't bother giving her any money, just download this pdf we've made"

Plausible budget?


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I was working on the spreadsheet of a budget sheet for the county of Maurice for my story 'The Bride's Groom'. After I'm done with it though, I notice a problem. The amount of gold being handled in a small island country such as Maurice is too much! Considering that 1 gold can buy a man two loaves of french bread, the amount here is incredible. Yes, I know, someone will say that "No way they have such advanced taxation system in Victorian England or the decimals." Well, I choose to have advanced taxation system, because for the purpose of the story, I can't use an annual tax type.

If you're the praying type ...


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If you're the praying type, I could use some good vibes right now

My mom had to get a rental car while her car is being repaired, which is putting a serous strain on our already tight budget. I'm starting to think I cant afford to get a passport, which means no consult, no SRS, its going to be over for me.

It feels like as soon as something positive happens, something comes along to take it away, and I feel like a rat who navigated the maze only to find out the cheese was plastic ...

I'm so tired .... so very, very tired ...

I need a miracle ...



I'm confused.
I went to the SAAQ (or the DMV if you prefer), look like that Canada Post lost my new driver license :(
So every body is nice, very good service and fast !!!
What bugs me is the person that took my new picture called for Miss. !!! but I don't present as a women, to mush baldness to mush beard. There is the M for sex and my first name is not what you can call feminine.

Life is pretty strange some time.
Hug for all tmf

Peace, Love, Freedom, Happiness

Tutoring ESL Students


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I am sat here thinking that I have gotten us in to a right mess Ollie. So, a few years ago, I helped a rather nice Saudi gentleman to improve his English to come to America to attend College. He is in Southern Oregon attending College now. Recently another Man contacted me about the same and we have been working on him for a while.

A link to a non-TG story, but a GREAT story!

This might be the BEST superhero story I've ever read, and the writer is, IMHO, one of the best at it.

I don't often, if ever, bother with non-TG stuff, but Grover turned me on to this one and I thank Grover from my heart.

Catherine Linda Michel

< br > tag not working?



A few hours ago, I posted the 3rd chapter of The Bride's Groom and I noticed that the text in my blockquote doesn't skip a line. So I added the < br > tag and it didn't work. I thought that it's just because the blockquote coding kills internal tags, so I let it go. But then I also notice that the br tags I put at the end of the chapter also doesn't work.

Can anyone tell me what I did wrong? Or any other way I can make fix the spacing in the blockquote and the end of my chapter?

I've had this song stuck in my head all day.


The Eagles are one of my favorite bands. Writing amazing music that fit several different genres, they left a trail of hit songs that I can listen to again and again almost forty years after they were written.

Here's probably one of my most favorite songs of theirs, it's been playing inside my head all day:

Just some thoughts on who we are


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The essence of who we are..

How do we ascertain who we are? Not just as men or women, but the attributes that make us contributing and worthwhile members of society at large.

We, as transmen and transwomen are actually being given an opportunity that few others in life ever have. We have the ability and the opportunity to re-make ourselves. To truly become the people we wish to be. To embrace attributes which we find admirable, and discard things that we find less than pleasant about ourselves.

Can't display this page.

It took me about fifteen goes to post tonight's Bike, each time I tried I got this stupid message. It seems to be happening everywhere and I feel if I see it once more I'm going to throw my computer out of the window.

Can anyone explain to me why it happens and what it's supposed to mean because most of the time Windows can't detect why it happened?

I really feel like cancelling my broadband and binning this laptop, and never going near the internet again.

So You Want to Be a (Better) Writer

I just read a romance novel that explains in story form many of the do's and dont's of a good author and the writing experience:
With Seduction in Mind by Laura Lee Guhrke copyright; 2009 Avon Books.

It is also an excellent story.


Been a tough couple of days here.


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Had to take my daughter to a Medi-center today, and apparently she has the same low-iron issues her mother has.

They want her to start taking a proscription-strength iron supplement and add more iron-rich foods to her diet.

Sighs ...

Between this, my mom's accident (She got hit by a drunk driver last night. She's okay, but the car's badly damaged) and stressing over my lecture, my spoon supply is getting dangerously low ...

not better


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I went through a round of antibiotics, but I think I still have the infection in me. Lately I have been very nauseous and been going to the bathroom often. I am extremely tired and achy and have little energy to do anything. I have a doctor's appointment on Wed. and hopefully we can figure it out. I don't have much faith since this is the doctor that missed the fact that I had an infection in the first place.

Also Looking For

I believe this is a current, unfinished serial. The main character is a headstrong young lad who gets into a fight of wills with his parents. For some reason he went en fem, and his father defies him to stay that way. Rather than give in to his father he stays in the female mode. He/she had been gradually more at ease with his role. He'd had his hair done several times, but in the last episode I read, he had his hair dyed platinum blonde. I would like to go back to the beginning and follow it to the assumed conclusion.

There's More to Taking The Other Bus than you might think

I had PM'd Karin about some things, and she explained a bit more about the story. I hadn't realized what it was about. It's an interesting allegory. It's quite interesting what she did. If you haven't read it, you should. If you did and missed the allegory like I did, read it again. The clue is the bridge and what was there before.

weird few days


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I have had a lot of ups and downs the past few days. Unfortunately I've been suffering from major dehydration and had dance classes on Thursday and Friday. I also had to attend a dinner and dance last night so I've been resting and trying to keep myself hydrated when not doing those two things. It hasn't left any time to finish the chapter of Twice Removed, since I've been sleeping a lot.

The Art of Being the Imp

For those who are interested, I have recently posted the first part of a non-TG supervillain story, The Art of Being the Imp, onto the official Whateley site. As I have already posted several TG stories set in the same universe here on Big Closet, I thought that some readers might be interested in reading this one as well.

Another one from the Guardian

I'd never heard of Tom Grace until he became Laura, but apparently she's some sort of pop singer with a band I've still never heard of and according to this article, some sort of trans icon. For those interested she's making some films about trans people for AOL.

New tg anime

Hey all have you seen the new anime that started recently called ' gonna be the twin-tails! ! Or " ore, twin-tail ni narimasu". It's about a schoolboy who saves girls with pigtails from aliens by turning into a pigtail girl himself with power armour. Too kewl and hilarious

An interesting article on a murder in Brisbane


The link below is a thought provoking article about a murder suicide, the murder victim being a transgender woman, the suicide her partner. The events took place in Brisbane, Australia, and the article is as much about the Australian media's treatment of what is essentially a tragedy for everyone concerned.

Mysoginistic games

I suppose this will only mean something to you if you really, really want to be a woman. If you are just playing in girl's clothes, drinking beer, burping and bellowing at footie games, perhaps not so much.

I do not know how many of you here play Video Games. Every time I have tried some "guy" just kills me and walks away. Grrrr

So I had not thought of it much anymore until I heard Anita Sarkeesian speak on YouTube about how sexist video games are. Listening to her speak wakened something in me that I can best describe perhaps as being "Pissed Off, spitting mad!

When Women Become Men at Wellesley (Article - NYT)

There's not a "News" category, so I just picked a couple that are somewhat relevant.

Apparently, there's an increasing number of TG's coming out at womens colleges. The article above is specifically about one 'trans-man' at Wellesley, but with asides about other colleges.

Gifts Are What Keep BC running...


It's that time of month again. We've already paid several hundred in bills this month and we will be paying about more hosting fees and software fees later in the month, plus the amount we pay Piper for being available for all the work she does.

As always, these gifts are greatly appreciated and go for more than just keeping BC online since we host several other community sites and are getting involved with several more.

New Amazon ebook- Lost and Found

Synopsis- Ryan Tabor is an American Air Force pilot flying to Kadena Air Base on the island of Okinawa where his wife and family is lived. As the aircraft nears its destination, Ryan suddenly swaps into the body of a Japanese girl. He still wants to get home, but Ryan has to finish the trip by foot.

Lost and Found, a nearly 20,000 word story, is priced at $2.99. Here is a link to it at Big Closet Kindle Store.

Other titles of mine that you may be interested in-

Karma -- Take 2

So...after the, I think, good advice I received on my other blog posting, I have decided to remove particular names in the Karma stories. I don't think I will stop writing Karma stories, as long as people enjoy them, but they will likely be purely fictional... (not to say I might not be inspired by actual events...) :)


Honorary Girl

Not being American I have no knowledge of news anchors Robert Jordan and Jackie Bange but seeing this I was so reminded of the games I played with my girl friends at school that regardless of gender or sexuality I would like to vote Robert Jordan


Yep, everything worked today!

So new chapters and news in the regular places on the regular day!

Me an' Gab are off to Germany/Denmark for a few days, get some pics, visit some sites, but we'll be back in time for next weeks update.

The next stanza of Culture Clash is coming along nicely so expect to see it around Hallowe'en.


New Puppy


If you follow the blogs you will know I put my best buddy to rest the end of August . We had 10 great years with Hershey . We have 2 adult dogs and now I am PROUD to announce it's a BOY . We went to Petsmart for adopt a pet Saturday and brought home a 3 month old pedigree 57 variety Heinz , a mix Terrier and maybe Sheppard his color is Brindle ( the coat looks like a Tabby Cat striped ) his name is Barney . Long time since we had a baby , good thing I have a carpet shampooer LOL.

huge, unbelievable news!


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Well, I have some amazing news to share.

I got a call from Dr. Meltzer in Scotsdale, Arizona about me coming in for an evaluation about having SRS. Assuming I can get my act together and get a passport, I will be there March 25, 1100 A.M., and then we'll have to see what they have to say.

I am actually shaking and crying, I'm so happy ...

I can't write

I've taken about two weeks off from writing and it appears the ability has left me. I usually knock out 2000 words a day with minimal effort and have stories flying through my head at a breakneck speed. No longer. I am struggling just to get the next session of writing done, my thoughts aren't flowing, and it is really upsetting me.

I said I never would but ....

Over four years ago I walked away from this place for reasons which by now have lost their relevance. Since then I haven't written a word. Which is probably a relief to many. Until last Thursday when I had an idea and was foolish enough to start to write it down.

And I found some of the old enjoyment. So in the hope that someone else may enjoy the reading of it, here it is.

Comments and even criticism will, as always, be warmly appreciated.

Oh and hello again to old friends.



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I get more angry every day about this animal. He uses crocodile tears, the loss of his feet as a small child, black ties, wrenching in court and any trick he can to seek sympathy.
He had a gun, not just a weapon of self defense but a weapon of mass destruction, he had a motif since she clearly had argued with him, knowledge of the bedroom/bathroom layout, a bad temper, an arrogance, a jealousy, previous record of anger displays, shooting guns, scaring girlfriends and no witnesses.

"Life, engineered" - Lynn Conway

A news article was published today about Lynn Conway and the amazing difference she made in the computer industry during a time when transition was not accepted nearly as much as it is now. She is a true pioneer.

-- Michelle

New Apple product leaked

Has anyone seen the article about Apple's next new product after the iPhone6? I was reading one of the online gadget sites and it appears that apple is about to release a toilet with Wifi access that will keep track of users waste in order to help with medical issues and also adapt to make better use of water/waste management. The $4000 unit is said to be able to save a family of 5 over $1000 a year and comes with a 10 year guarantee.

I feel a bit like Joey in Chapter 2 of the "Joy" Series...

I feel pretty beat up, to be honest. Don't get me wrong, some of the critiques and criticisms are fair and I have learned a few things--hopefully to prevent misunderstandings better in the future (I don't believe you can ever fully prevent them).

What have I learned from 'Joey's Joy -- Chapter 2'?

So here I am


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It's 3 am and I'm at my friends house spending the night. My friends mother will take me in just under 4 hours to the hospital where I'm going to have surgery on my deviated septum. Normally this is outpatient, but I get to spend the night.

Why am I up this early and not sleeping?

Partly due to the anxiety I always get with these things, and partly because I couldn't breath and woke up some congestion an hour ago.

About Dragons

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So, I'm just starting to write a story with a huge Dragon as the protagonist. He, or she will have previously been a 14 year old boy, you know the drill. I am have been reading Anne McCaffery, so my Dragon will not hatch or be fighting strings. It bothers me that one of the story devices I plan to use is that my Dragon will draw his power from another dimension, but I can not remember who originated that concept on this site, so I can ask permission to use it.

There will be no religion in the story, cultural or otherwise. I will use conventional sexual role models.

I want to thank everyone


I want to thank everyone who responded to my request about Bletchley Park. I am writing a story, but I decided to adjust it to be a little more historically Accurate. So I am having a character join Bletchley Park in 1943, instead of 1939.

The information you supplied helped me find what I was looking for.

Thank You


Again my addled mind

has been feeding me snippets of stories.

If my memory is correct ( which it is once every blue moon or so )

mother, father and son in hotel room in Europe, France or Germany, bad guys break into room kill mom and dad, leave son for dead, with serious injuries, most severely in genitals.
I think mom and dad might have been in US diplomatic service.
after son recovers enough aunt and uncle take him in and back to US, however he is left with parents house and contents.

writers manage to find readers dispite and because of Amazon


I don't like the pricing scale of Amazon. They aren't doing the heavy lifting in book promotions. They provide a venue for authors and readers to find one another. What I do like is many authors who would not ever get published by the big mainstream publishers are able to find an outlet for their talent. More than that, the main stream publishers are no longer the gods of publishing deciding who their anointed one will be.

Another year, another disappointment


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Another birthday come and gone. On the boards where people knew that Oct 11 is my b'day, I got 1 message. One. Family was gone today at drama stuff, so I was alone - again. Neither sibling called.

The whole thing is depressing. Wish it didn't exist. Wonder if the world would notice if I didn't...

No Twice removed this week

Hey everyone,

I had hoped that I would have Twice Removed out Thursday or yesterday, but I decided that I just am not happy with the way the chapter turned out and I've decided to rewrite it rather than sacrifice the quality i usually try to put into my stories.It should update again on Thursday, as per my new schedule as I am working on it again now.



Assault? GBH? ABH? Legal help with plot please

It has been pointed out that one or more of my characters might be charged under UK law for an incident at the end of

Advice would be welcome as a PM so as not to spoil the story

Thank you for your time to at least read this


Viewing Format Question

Previously I had my viewing preferences set so that I see the most recent story comments first rather than at the end of the comments list. The order has changed somehow so that the newest comments are at the bottom of the page. Can I still view comments in descending order, and, if so, how do I accomplish that?

Pray for my family


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Folks, if you're the praying kind, please include my family in your prayers.

Sharon's condition has gotten so bad she's been told she will be off work for at least 3 months, possibly longer if they cant get her surgery before that time.

To say that's going to make things stressful in a number of areas isn't putting too fine a point on it ...



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I know I have it better than most.

I'm not starving. I'm not on the verge of being homeless, at least, not any mor so than any other poverty-level individual in our current economy. I'm not under any particularly large amount of stress at the moment.

So why do I still feel so worthless?

I've been trying, I really have. Trying to dedicate myself to self improvement, or to projects I've committed myself to, but... I just....

Hong Kong Protests


I was in Hong Kong yesterday having been reluctant to visit because of all the bad publicity about riots and tear gas on BBC World and CNN.
I didn't see any trouble and the protesting group had dwindled to about 50 people far in the distance from safety barriers.
The protesters weren't causing trouble last weekend but did get showered with pepper and tear gas. The reaction of the crowd was to keep passing water and protective items to the front angry exchanges with tolerance.
I don't know why newscasters have to sensationalize everything.

SKYPE users


Got a nasty surprise tonight when I fired up SKYPE. Last week it was fine. Tonight it is showing my REAL NAME! I went steaming down to the Microsoft store, ready to ... I don't know what! Instead of yell and cuss, I started crying. DAMN !

So, the guy patted me on the shoulder and told me I was going to be alright.

He changed my name on SKYPE twice and it changed it back again.

I just turned on SKYPE when I got home to return someone's call, but I now see it is 12:15 AM where she is. I'll try it tomorrow.

Was this Cruel of me?

I received a mail in game [ Damoria browser based RTS game I'm forum mod, server admin and english support for it.]

Here is the GROUP dispatch mail I sent in response, with the original mail:
my reply tops the message

um, you do know that I'm going for the sex change op don't you?

Accolade wrote:
gotcha !

A tough looking group of hairy bikers are riding when they see a girl about to jump off a bridge, so they stop. The leader, a big burly man, gets off his bike and says, "What are you doing?"