TopShelf Blogs

First steps. On being me...


Just ove a week ago I went to this place had found on the internet. Is was the house and shop of a very nice lady who has been helping crossdressers and T-girls for like 20 years.

She helped me get dressed up, advised on clothes and applied my makeup. She actually managed to turn me into a good looking woman, for my age and given that I have been a man for over 40 years. She helped me become Anne for real.

Do I need to say that it was an absolutely wonderful experience?

I now *know* that I am more than cis-gendered male. I am _also_ a woman named Anne.

Black dog


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The black dog, for those who are unaware, was Churchill's term for depression. Well, it's standing next to me at the moment. Work problems are somewhat awful right now, and getting worse, and together with the PTSD and GID I am not doing very well. Not cycling, not even going out the front door except for work and to get food.

Writing has taken a back seat, as you may have noticed. The dog has me by the throat and won't let go. Normal service may or may not be resumed at some point.

Future Bike-ing

As we approach 2600, I'll ask my customary question, do readers want us (Bonz, Whizz and moi) to continue writing this tale of convoluted undulations? I might add as far as I know the writing team is happy to continue if the answers are positive and our gracious hostess is happy for us to fill up her servers with such tosh.

A, B & W.


Autistic man wins $2.5M after meds gave him 46DD breasts

Autistic man wins $2.5M after meds gave him 46DD breasts
Family says they weren't adequately warned of drug's side effects

PHILADELPHIA, Ala. —An autistic man has been awarded $2.5 million in a lawsuit against the makers of a medicine he used to treat his condition, which also caused him to grow 46DD breasts.

Website Availability

The last few days I've been having trouble with the website. I've been periodically getting the Cloudfare cached site or a service unavailable error page (error 603 - I think). After a few minutes (or several minutes). I've been able to get back in. Are you having volume or system issues or being attacked? When the service is working, it doesn't seem slow

Dorothy's confession corner


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Every once in a while, I get an insight into myself, and even though its not always good, I think its important for me to share it.

As they say, confession is good for the soul but bad for the reputation, so here goes ...

To give you some context, let me tell you a story.

A few weeks back my brother and sister in law were over, and my sister in law got talking about using excuses when dealing with my behavior. I agree with the idea, taking ownership of my behavior is a good step, so I am gonna do that for one area right now.


Just a heads up for everyone.

Because Doppler Press is going to be publishing 300 Rains, I am going to be pulling it in a few days. The novel is different than what is posted here as I changed some of the prose by tightening it up and added things that I noticed were missing or not adequately covered. So it really has a different feel. I am pulling it on Thursday so be aware.

Breaking out of the box

Yes, amazingly enough, I've posted two entries in one day. Don't worry, Erin, this will be it for now.

I've read a lot of arguments on one side or the other of the "Plotter vs. Pantser" debate, and so far, they've only served to increase my frustration.

Each side has valid arguments. The trouble is, I've tried both approaches, and get equally bogged down with each one--just in different ways.

Perchance to dream....

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This entry's going to be quite a ride, folks, so strap in and hang on.

A recent post by another BCTS blogger on the subject of dreams and creativity reminded me that dreams can be a wonderful muse--and a maddeningly frustrating one. Submitted for your approval, as Rod Serling would have said:

Getting "read" ...


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I've not experienced being "read" more than a half dozen times in 10 years, but Sunday really burst that bubble.

Being a stubborn drama queen, this was bound to happen. I went to a Baptist church were my daughter attends to see if they would help me reconnect with her. In retrospect, it was an unrealistic Adjustment Disorder that drove this.

dreams of fear, failure, and frustration


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Well, I might be no expert on dreams, but when I have two dreams in a row about failure and frustration I think it means something.

The first dream involved me trying to make a meal, and very quickly things went wrong. First, some of the ingredients I bought turned out to be the wrong ones, then some tomatoes I bought were so bruised I couldn't use them, and then just when I thought I was ready to put the dish into the oven I discovered that somehow my dog had jumped into the pan wrecking the meal.

I'm doing my best, but...


I'm finding it hard to find the time to write as much as I would like to.

Looking after an elderly Mum (with my wife) and having a job all take up a lot of my time and energy.

I have two stories ongoing at the moment, Sisters Forever and Get a Life. I am very conscious of the fact that these have taken a long time to write. I hate the idea of not continuing and then finally finishing them and I would like to ask for your patience and understanding at the moment in the hope that I can increase my output as soon as I possibly can.

Clownfish Ch.9

Sorry for taking so long in writing the next chapter for The Unusual Clownfish, I got a little bit sidetracked by another DRU tale. That story is not finished either---I'm taking my time with it and writing it all out before I start posting. In the meantime, I'm trying to get back into Clownfish now. I was going pretty well with it back in October when I got to Ch. 9 and started mapping it out in my head. Unfortunately, it started turning into Divergent---good movie by the way, I'm sad to say I haven't read the book.

Sorry folks

I don't know where the evening went, funny how it just disappears when you try to sort something on a computer that doesn't want to play. Amazingly, I stayed cool, calm and collected - then killed it in cold blood! Actually, I didn't, I got the cats to distract it and managed to fix the problem. I'll enjoy it while it lasts which probably won't be very long.

Will do a new Bike tomorrow computer permitting.



Take a look at one of my other bikes.

paddling up a waterfall


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Well, the last couple of days have been filled with anxiety, and last night I finally put together why.

It goes back to an article on Facebook which was about child abuse, and the idea of making a Valentine's day card for your younger self.. I thought it was a really good idea, and was going to work on making one for the 7-9 year old me, but I didn't realize how much I was triggering myself until my anxiety was at Defcon 5 and you could almost hear the robot from "Lost in Space" going "Danger, Dorothy Colleen, Danger!"

Hows the hatbox fund doing so far this month?


Erin and company, how much more do you need for the month?

I have got overtime pay this week and last week. I have a little extra money after paying bills, so I can contribute a little bit more this month I just need to know how much to try and squeeze out.
I want to keep a little in reserve but also want to help keep the site going. I may not be LBGT but I find the people on this site much easier to relate to at times than I do most people around me. So I want to help if possible to keep it alive as long as possible.

Illness precedes my being active


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I have had health difficulties since February of 2014. I have been in and out of the hospital for falling when I stand up.(7 days in the hospital and one month recovery at home) I had my fifth toe on my right foot amputated in August after it blew up ( two weeks in the hospital two months recovery) November I was admitted to a mental health clinic for depression ( 8 days in the hospital and daily recovery. February 6th this year I had a heart attack that required emergency surgery to put a stent in. ( I am recovering now and have thirteen more days before I can drive or get excited.

Kindle emergency!

To all who have purchased my new book A Necessary Fiction (and thank you for that!)--

The conversion process duplicated some chapters' text and cut part of one. This was caught by Allison Z and thank you-thank you! I double-checked and it has been published again. The title page of the correct book reads: KBB2152

Leonard Nimoy, RIP

Star Trek!
A name, a program, and TV event that will live in history. For the first time in American media history, Blacks and Whites, men and women, Americans and Russians, Occidentals and Orientals were all working and living together in harmony. And, there was even a half-alien, Spock, portrayed by Leonard Nimoy.

Eddie Redmayne as Lili Elbe

The recent best actor Oscar winner is starring as Lili Elbe the pioneer transgender woman who died attempting to have a uterus transplanted. If this film wins an Oscar will it be as best actor or actress?

For anyone who has lost a pet.

I found this video on youtube, of course. I defy any pet owner to not shed a tear when istening to Jimmy Stewart read a poem he wrote about his lost pet.

They are ALL waiting for us at the Rainbow Bridge and lately, I find myself a bit anxious to get there. No, I don't want to die, but I miss my lost furry ones SO much sometimes.

Catherine Linda Michel

A series of happenings here on BCTS

As last night saw the closure of Jessie's 2nd Book of the 'Death Dealers Saga'
And when I checked for updates before work this morning, I saw an entry by Amethyst, thanking the Closeteers, hey I know its not a real word but what better way to describe us, for worrying.
Also another blog that was commenting on incomplete/unfinished works.

I want to send a thank you to Naomi, and others


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I wanted to send a special thank you out to Naomi, Doc, Fiona, Talia, Star, and all the other crazies who have been so awesome to me on the BC chat site, especially the last while when I've been in blanket-fort mode as often as not.

They've cheered for me, they've been silly to make me giggle, and they've always been ready with huggles when I needed them, which has been pretty often.

Special thanks to Naomi for being willing to join Jaci in our little game of "who's girly", which never fails to bring a smile to my face.

Bless you all.

New Transgender Magazine


Transgender Life News has just launched with its debut magazine. It's a monthly magazine and I have a small monthly feature in it dealing with being Christian and Transgender. This is not a christian magazine though, for those of you who are put off by such things. I promised I would spread the word and I hope some will take a look. The first few pages are free to try.

Even more new Kindles from Karin!

I’ve added two Kindle books, one brand-new and one almost-new, and the Amazon worker bees should have then published by this weekend. The ‘almost-new’ is Powerball, which first appeared here on BCTS, but this is an expanded version with over 20,000 more words—that’s over 35% larger!

Hey again


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Greetings all!

I have returned after a string of bad incidents which started with a concussion and ended with a cold or flu. I am back and will shortly resume my works after catching up rereading them again for plot information and to rekindle my creative energy.
I know a lot of my fans were worried about me and I am here to say that I am now okay (for the most part) and will get to all of your pm's as soon as possible and will be back to posting shortly as I resume work on projects I was working on before Christmas.

Thank you all

for all the birthday wishes we've received today!

Now, as promised there is more from Italy today, its a very emotional chapter, not to be missed!

There are still issues with but when its updated you'll have a chance to try out one of the Wunderkinds favourite meals!



Bathroom Wars

Bathroom issues are making the news. People want to ban transgender folks from using the potty of their chosen gender. I don't know where the transgender leadership is in these states, but let me give you the playbook on how to win this battle easily.

It's all with the ad campaign.

Confirmation bias?


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This month's TG Mixed Tape will not have a contribution from me, sadly.

I had every intention of contributing something. Really I did.

I wish I could blame it on the illness (bronchitis, to be exact) that refuses to go away, even after nearly two months.But I can't, since really, I feel pretty good now, and conceivably could have contributed something in the limited window left to me.

Since my fiction stories are in various stages of completion at the moment, I told Hutcho that I'd contribute an essay on growing up as a disabled transperson. It seemed like a good idea, since there's not much written about folks like me, and no documentary to my knowledge has ever tackled the subject. Easy, right?

A H U G E thank you

to all of you have been so generous with your time to read my Einnlander tale, and to those few of you who took that extra time to comment.

Of course, I need to mention that I am overwhelmed by the generosity of Kudos.

Please be aware that this would not have come to light had it not been for the patient assistance of Penny herself, so she should carry much of the credit.

I think I shall retire for a while back to the Anmarian map world ---- :-)

Answer to Dorthycolleen, fragile.


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Answers to life?

People seem to either love or hate 50 Shades. It has been difficult for me to read it and see the movie, but I am drawn to it like a “moth to the flame”. The Churchy folk are universal in their condemnation of it, but I simply won’t talk to them about it.

The actual sex part is relatively tame in comparison to some of the things my X and I did. I think on top of a running clothes dryer was close to the best!  We never tied each other up or used cuffs though, I wanted to. Don't know who would have worn them.

Author Chat Sessions

I don't know how many authors I've wished I could have talked with, but there are a LOT of them posted at Fictionmania. INCLUDING one with JACK CHALKER, famous SciFi writer who included quite a bit of TG stuff in his stories. They're all at Anne-Mal's Page at FM.


Catherine Linda Michel

I think I've figured out why I've been so fragile lately


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I think I've figured out why I've been so fragile the last little while.. I think it was in part due to stress because of Sharon's health situation (which added to the pile of stress I've already been dealing with.) And in part because I've been triggered by the 50 shades of grey discussions.

You might say "Dorothy, the movie is about bondage, how does that trigger you?"

Unforced errors

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I suppose it's inevitable that eventually I would make a boo boo that required an already-published chapter to be edited in such a way as the story changes, or at least one aspect of the story. I mixed up two characters' histories and simply changing the name wasn't an option. This made me wonder, how do I prevent this from happening again? The short answer is that I can't, an unforced error is just that.

A nice transformation video


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This is a video I've had floating around on my YouTube's favourites list for and I recently found it again and decided to share with the wonderful BC community.
Transformation into Beauty. This video is 3 and a quarter minutes long and though it isn't a full animation, it's more a series of linked pictures animated in Adobe Flash it is very well done.

Introducing me


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Hi Big Closet world!!!

I've been reading stories here for almost a year, but never thought of making an account or posting. I was always scared that someone would discover my secret and that my world would end. I know it probably sounds strange, right? But I figured if I didn't have an account, I could always say I found the site by accident and that was the end of it.

So why now?

Relationship Tags in Stories

Zoe Taylor is an amazing writer, and if you haven't checked out her stuff, well, you should.

But, having said that, she tends to write works that lean toward lesbian characters, which I've admitted before usually detracts from my interest in a story.

Her latest story didn't have the lesbian tag, though, so I PMed her about it to ask if it was or not before diving in. I got my answer, and everything was good.

Or was it?

Story Posting Database Problems: Attn Paul Cousins


We had a serious database problem this morning involving four stories that got corrupted. We rescued the text of the four stories, though we had to repost Badasses of the Multiverse 14 which got lost somewhere between here and Miraz (which is a star in the Big Dipper).

Anyway, the problem may have been caused by a DOS attack, we're not sure.

But Paul Cousins, Shauna, Louise Anne, and Taralyn should check their stories to be sure they have been restored properly. I'm sorry but if anyone had made comments on those four stories or left kudos, those are gone.

Delays to Tammy's Trials

An apology to those waiting for Tammy's adventures (and there are plenty of them to come) but I'm engaged in a complete rewrite of Chapter 31 and now see that I've made a boo boo in Chapter 30, by mixing two characters up. That's going to require a partial rewrite to fix as it can't simply be explained away.

It's all going to take some time and I'm hoping RL keeps itself at bay.


Bad news about my ex


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got more bad news about Sharon.

Apparently, she found out yesterday that on top of recovering from having a very large fibrous tumor, plus a slipped disk from a fall, now she has a bowel obstruction that's gonna require surgery.

Things just keep being interesting here ...

New Kindles from Karin

In addition to my new BCTS story Angry Diary that's currently posted, I'm publishing some ebooks on Amazon. The first up is In Concert, which was first here at BCTS. One of two others from here will be published in the next week; in my time here readers have expressed their desire for Kindle copies of some of my BCTS titles (and I'm always open to suggestions!). As always, please-please-please post reviews on Amazon for any of my books, and any of the BCTS authors whose books you have (and we love stars!)

Moving problems and the Hatbox


There's been a snag in Piper's plans to move this weekend. The deal has been hung up by a glitch in the space being ready to rent and she can't move in as planned. The move had been pretty much financed but the snag is going to cost a few days in a motel, and boarding for Penny, the Labrador, an unexpected expense. I can loan her the money but it would be a lot less stress on me if I know that we have met our contribution goals in the Hatbox for the month.

Over and out


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In my younger days I used to like playing on the cb radio in New York City. I had a little walkie talkie type unit that didn't get much range, but how much do you need in a condensed area.

At the end of the night I would always end with over and out and go on with life. I always wondered what was over and what was out. My guess is that my participation was over and my power was out.

I always thought that was a fun way to end things

over and out.

oh wow, this was shock


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My mom called yesterday, to tell me she had just re-mailed my birthday card [ she put the wrong address on it and it came back ]. We got to talking and she mentioned that she is planning on coming to Montreal with me when get the operation. [ hasn't been scheduled yet ]

I know I have been lucky in the fact my family didn't freak at my transitioning, but this actually shocked me.

Creating Your Own World


My Sister In Law once told me she was in awe, in how I have created my own world!

I am not sure she truly meant it as a compliment. In my world, things happen my way, which is to say not always the the way others would like it.

Being different, means I see life from what I like to call it "the other side." Sort of like the inverse of what everyone else sees.

Another Getting Older Problem

Last fall I spent five hours in the dentist's chair getting some teeth restored. Number 31 molar was problematical, but she gave it a try. Unfortunately, I began to realize a few weeks ago that all may not be well: throbbing, sensitivity to cold, and last week periods of pain. I knew it was a lost cause. Due to weather, I was not able to get to the dentist until this afternoon at 3:00. That was lucky, as there was a cancellation. I left at 7:15 this evening, having had a root canal, with a numb tongue, lip and cheek.

Please, don't

Going around the internet today is a news article about a transgender teenager who killed themselves and then left a time released tumbler suicide note after the fact where they spoke about how hard it was being transgender and blaming their parents for a lack of support and not being supportive. The story is starting to go viral and people are promising that the teen will not be forgotten.

Does this sound familiar?

It probably sounds just like Leelah Alcorn, but it's not, its 15 year old Zander from Georgia.

Anmarian Information and a cry for Help


Hi everyone,


We now have a third author contributing to the Anmarian world.

What with writing the next Julina episodes, proofreading for other authors, writing the last Chivan episode, and bouncing ideas off poor beleaguered Penny, I am slowly beginning to drown in the whole thing.

My index thingy ( ) is getting to be a small monster now.

Writing like a girl

Alex Rodriguez (American baseball player that used performance enhancing drugs) writes like a girl.

I wonder if it is a side effect?

Possible Editor

I am a new writer of TG fiction. My stories revolve around characters that use the services of a Beauty Salon for their transformations. Plots include womanless beauty pageants, filling in for sisters, curiosity of what it is like to be a female, spouse interaction. I know a lot of these have already been done, but I try to make them different in some ways. I could use an editor to help with punctuation, tense, and paragraphs. If interested please let me know at [email protected] Thanks

Nifty footwork


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Well that's the foot fixed. I have a load of paperwork and planning applications and Landlord Licences to sort out so I'm taking the next six weeks off to sort it out. That's how long the surgery on my foot is going to take to heal. They've had to break the fifth RHS metatarsal and re-align it with a scarf joint and screws so my right foot doesn't resemble a hobbit's. Wont be able to walk without crutches for four weeks then it's 'heel-weight-bearing, for the next two weeks.

Prayers, and good byes for Cindilee

Cindilee is going through somethings that are really hard right now and while I can't go into her specifics without her permission it's enough that I want to offer up what support I can.

*Great Big Hugs, Cocoa and Blanket forts honey*

I just got the word that Cindi finally lost her fight with Hodgkins having been ill for quite some time and this last few kicks from life were just too much. It just took the fight right out of her.

RIP Cindi We all Loved You.

my online self vs my offline self


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Recent events on Facebook have got me thinking, and I wanted to share some thoughts about the difference between my online self and my offline self.

I think the word you'd use to describe the online me is ... uninhibited. She (and forgive me for using third person here) giggles a lot, huggles just about anybody, acts silly to make her friends laugh, makes friends easily, has even flirted with people, and probably overshares her personal stuff.

The ftp issues continue!

Clearly there is some external issue as it worked first try Sunday but midweek its not interested! Hopefully by the weekend my site will be updated with new reading and some exciting news for all the Gabfen.

There is a new chapter here on BC but you might have noticed the lack of breaks in recent chapters. Its not because of lack of code but it seems to be being ignored, does anyone know of any issues with
coding here on BC?

Pointe Shoes, a sequel


Still trying to finish It's Not Easy to be a DemiGoddess and another chapter of Evolution is also still in the works.

But the muse has me starting a sequel to My Summer With Meg and Our Nutcracker Adventure.

Sorry the first chapter is a bit short. And excuse the typos and the grammatical errors. You know how I just seem to throw things out there.

Hope some of you will find it worth reading.

Love ya,



lightoffury's stories are missing. lightoffury is one of my favorite authors. on crystal hall fan fiction, lightoffury has a link for lights whateley stories under the caption "lights big pile of crap". to me those stories are not crap. i hope that lights self-image will improve and that lights stories will be put back in bigcloset.

A music icon is gone.

Lesley Gore might not be an icon to a lot of people but she is to me. I grew up listening to her music and she touched a special spot in my soul. Not the best looking girl, but BOY, could she sing! Lesley Gore began her careeer in music in 1963 with "It's My Party" and stole my heart.

RIP Lesley. You brightened my life.

Catherine Linda Michel

Sci Fi Books

I am looking for a sci-fi story about a man who is 180 000 years old. He has lived on 6 different star systems and watched man rise and fall. I can't remember the author but it was in a scifi anthology in my local library. Possibly Brian Aldiss. I would love to reread it.

Sydney Moya

Stonewall to campaign on behalf of Trans people

Gosh, they've remembered the T in LGBT. I suppose this is a good thing as they have lots of experience and expertise in campaigning for equality. At the same time, I've never been happy with including the T with the others, as I see my previous transsexualism (now cured via surgery and Gender Recognition Act) as relating to my gender identity not sexual orientation - precisely the matter which kept Stonewall and transgender apart previously.

A Surprising Amount Of Response

My second Kingston Academy Shorts has gotten a LOT more user response, and a lot more quickly, than the first one did!

So, I'd like to know: what about Ruby's short story (both before and after the rather important fixes) appealed to readers more than Jules' little mini-adventure?

Are there any characters in particular you'd like to see shorts for in the future, or other PFH mini-stories you think would be fun?

And, lastly: how many other people want to see the next chapter of Angharad's Princess For Hire: The British Kid? Show of hands?

*raises hand*