hurting

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This is harder than i ever thought it would be im in New Mexico at the hospital .My Uncle is on his death bed .im the last relative he has so its my duty to be here even though he never accepted me. My knee jerk action was not to come but the more i thought about it i decided that i needed to be here for closure if for nothing else . Just please send hugs good thoughts and prayers that i get through this . As always I care about all of you sisters and friends thank you for allowing me into your lives through bc .

Comments

third time

lisa charlene's picture

I went through this with both my mom and dad i was in the room for both i never wanted to go through this again all 3 had lung cancer . i shouldn't be feeling anything since none of them accepted me but dammit this hurts .

Sending Love

Dee Sylvan's picture

My mom and dad both died of lung cancer too, it's hard to watch. I don't know if your uncle is able to appreciate this effort on your behalf even though he wasn't accepting of you. But this isn't about him as much as it is about you. You are a caring, loving person trying your best to do the right thing, even in the face of adversity. But who knows what affect you may have on those around him and you in these last hours.

May your light shine brightly, my dear. My prayers are with you. :DD TAF

DeeDee

changed

lisa charlene's picture

the tribal elders and the medicine man and talked to me .hes slipped into a coma all thats left is the waiting . i really dont know where the anger comes from the Navaho are accepting of two spirited people so i just dont understand but i guess ill never will now. all i can hope for is now he finds peace

Challenges

Dee Sylvan's picture

With great power comes great responsibility. Even though accepting of two-spirited people, being a Navaho doesn't necessarily mean they understand the conflict that being trans encompasses. You are a treasure, my dear. I'm sending good thoughts your way. Stay strong. Dana

DeeDee

Sis, No Regrets

BarbieLee's picture

Sugar, we only get one chance at some things. Sometimes the hardest part is forgiving when we aren't accepted by another. Words or silent emotions expressed with or in anger will be with us forever. Words of kindness and emotions expressed with love, compassion, or forgiveness will be with us forever.
I love you.
I forgive you
I accept you
Chose one of those and say it in your heart even if you can't say it out loud to your uncle.
Hugs Lisa, love you sis.
Barbie Jean

Oklahoma born and raised cowgirl

I have sat vigil for friends……

D. Eden's picture

And I have served as escort for too many comrades. I have seen too many folded flags and comforted too many widows and mothers. It is never easy, but then duty is heavier than a mountain.

We do it out of duty, whether we were on good terms with the deceased or not makes no difference.

I would assume that you feel the same for your uncle. You feel a duty to him, to your family, and to yourself to be there at this time. Don’t second guess it, and don’t think about the fact that he never accepted you. For you are doing what is right, and you are doing it because you feel an obligation. The truth is that you are a good person, and that is why you feel the need to be there.

Stay strong, and know that you will be in my thoughts.

D. Eden

Dum Vivimus, Vivamus

like you

lisa charlene's picture

i have been to too many .i dread hearing taps again .i swear if they play that at mine im comming out of the casket and strangling the shit out of who ever is playing it . he was a decorated viet nam veteran 2 purple hearts and a pow .im struggling with my emotions right now i feel numb . no pain no hurt nothing i feel like im shutting down i think ill take a few drinks of this bourbon i found and try to get a little sleep

I Think I Can Say

joannebarbarella's picture

I know how you feel. I've been in hospitals and hospices watching my mum, my dad and my wife die. It's being helpless to do anything that hurts the most. Blessings be yours, Lisa Charlene.

Thoughts, prayers and maybe more

gillian1968's picture

I don’t know your connection with your uncle, but I totally sympathize. Three years ago I was caring for my wife at home.

Since I live in New Mexico, I’ll be reaching out to you in a private message.

Gillian Cairns