I went to get a referral to see a doctor about my hernia. I had a gastric by-pass operation to reduce my weight 5 years ago.The hernia soon appeared. It does not hurt except for when I est something that upsets my stomach. While there, I found out that I was taking pills for nerves, hypertension and vitamins, it had been several months since I had last went.

I go tomorrow to see the doctor about the operation to remove my hernia. I know I am scared to once again go under. I know I made it back, but that darkness within awaits me too.Last time I fought a battle for my soul. I can't remember what happened while I battled, all I know is I felt worn out when I came out from under the gas.It felt as if I had run a marathon. That night was totally nightmare free. I slept in peace for a month. Yes, I still battle the darkness and win, only to face it again.

I ask for my family to pray for me as I face my newest battle.

I went to the doctor yesterday to get a referral to another one about my hernia. I was reminded that I am supposed to be on medication for nerves, hypertension and dietary supplement.The nerve pill is to keep me from losing focus. Without it, too much stimuli can overload me, causing to go into a panic. I have learned to go to a private area and regain my focus (bathroom stalls works well for this).

My hypertension is borderline. I take the pills to help in regulating my blood pressure during the my panic attacks. With out it, I get a bad headache that massive amounts of caffiene seems to cure. The dietary supplement is to replace certain minerals needed due to my dieting. I use slim fast and eat a small meal at night.

I ask for your prayers as I go to the doctor tomorrow. I am scared of going under the knife again. The darkness almost took me last time. I do not know if I am strong enough now. But I must do this to better myself.If the darkness does win, it will not win for long. I refuse to let it. When I was hurt before, I came back. But the journey back is so hard.